#like today for example

[eatyourdamnpears]

siblings stop being selfish challenge

[cigarettes-and-black-eyeliner]

tumblr sometimes doesnt show me when someone interacts with my post. I mean it shows me that I have a notification but not what the notification is which pisses me off. Normally it wouldnt but this is like. My last fucking straw of the day. Which is weird bcs I have had a pretty decent day but some things really got to me it seems.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[lazylittledragon]

neurotypicals when someone asks you to repeat yourself please please please for the love of god just repeat the whole sentence not just PART of it, i don't know what you're talking about and saying what you think is the most important part actually doesn't help iT TAKES TWICE AS LONG BECAUSE I HAVE TO ASK YOU TO REPEAT IT AGAIN ANYWAY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

[ncutii-gatwa]

yeah joe quinn needs to get a better stylist

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Underrated reason why Lyanna as the KotLT just works is because it follows a pattern of deconstruction re the concept of knightly chivalry and honor, from Lyanna herself to her son 15yrs+ later. Lyanna as the KotLT is a gender-swapped version of the ‘knight rescues a helpless maiden from raucous bullies’ trope, but grrm of course puts his spin on it because one Lyanna is not even a knight to begin with and two, she’s a girl. Then knight!Lyanna fights the bullies which is again an adaptation of another trope: the ‘mysterious knight-errant enters the joust and wins then dips’, which is interesting because these types of knights sometimes fall into the black knight trope. And the black knight is, more often than not, not the hero. But the main reason why this is so interesting is Jon. Lyanna “cosplays” a black knight, but her son Jon later becomes an actual black knight. Jon then repeats his mother’s actions by defending Sam in AGoT, which is another subversion of the aforementioned ‘knight rescues a helpless maiden trope’ because the helpless maiden in this case is a helpless…lad…Though Jon and Lyanna acting as agents outside the bounds of knighthood (Lyanna being a northern woman and Jon being a member of the NW) puts them more in line with the traditional black knight (who is usually an anti-hero/villain), the actual essence of their actions puts them closer to the more valiant and honorable white knight according to tradition.

[honorthysalad]

Seems like Yoshiki’s eyes are starting to lose shape whenever he’s stressed out, starting with his left pupil getting more jagged when he’s putting back ‘Hikaru’s head in ch22, and then in ch24, his left iris moves to the side.

[stunie]

it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want

[mickeysclubhouse]

mickmin + love languages ♡

[therealicething]

Filbrick doesnt have to be a mustache twirling bad guy to be an asshole

Okay so CW for talk abt child abuse and shitty parenting

The interesting thing about filbrick is that the way stan describes him is the way a lot of boomers describe their parents.

The parents of boomers belonged to "the silent generation", they were people who went through generational traumas like. The great depression and ww2. These were people with lots of trauma and no therapy so they got to pass it down to their kids yay!

Also parenting styles were different then, and during the 50s/and The Post War Conformity and 60s: children were not largely acknowledged as their own people. They were raised to be mini versions of their parents, there was not a consideration for a child as an individual.

So Filbrick was a bad parent, yes. But he was also in a Context where what we consider to be child abuse was normalized.

Theres a tendency to make things 1 dimensional and say an abusive person always has to have the full intention to hurt someone just to hurt them and must be purely evil and set to torture with no love at all.

But like, the way Filbrick acted towards his sons was likely considered unfortunately normal or even Good. He may have even loved them in the way he knew how or was supposed to, but that doesnt mean he couldnt also do hurtful or even abusive things.

And that probably actually makes it worse for Stan and Ford. If someone does a thing that hurts you and you Know that something was wrong, you can at least feel rightfully angry about it.

If its normalized then you dont get that catharsis. You are left thinking that what happened to you was the way it was supposed to be. Filbrick doesnt need to be extremely abusive to have hurt his kids, he might even have loved them. But that doesnt mean he didnt hurt them too! If he did or did not makes little difference.

[renfriscreyden]

the thing about samfrodo is that on the one hand it's such an important example of intimate male friendship that's loving and tender but on the other hand: those hobbits are kind of gay

[ahalliance]

insuline & nicotine flirting is just antoine initiating by saying something insane about étoiles unprompted (i.e. “your ass is driving me crazy and i need it”) and étoiles responding on the same wavelength (i.e. “your knowledge of world capitals is like my ass, you’ll never forget it”) . truly the fun part of it all is seeing the evolution in how antoine would just do this without any big reaction from étoiles for a while until étoiles just started clapping back and being just as insane unprompted

[geospiral]

Those posts with pictures of people’s worn yet well-loved plushies with the caption “to be loved is to be changed" but applied to Sua and her porcelain doll symbolism. 

Because of the neglect Sua faced from her own Guardian as well as the ways in which alien society mistreats humanity in general, she was left with no real sense of who she was as a person or what she wanted, seen as nothing more than an accessory to be flaunted and then put away without any thought or care. Sua was made to be seen as the epitome of what a human should strive to be: aesthetically pleasing to her Seygein audience, well-behaved, and talented. And while having these attributes did nothing when it came to being treated with any kind of real respect by the Seygein, I think it was what initially drew Mizi to Sua.

But while Sua seemingly being perfect may have been what initially grabbed her attention, I think the reason that Mizi fell in love with Sua was because Mizi was aware of the positive impact she had on the other girl. Growing up with and seeing a being that you view as the embodiment of perfection become more open and visibly happy whenever they are with you and clearly being as attracted to you as you are to them must have made Mizi feel like she was the most lucky being in the entire universe. And Sua felt this way too! Because Mizi attributed all those supposed perfections to Sua as a person and saw all of Sua’s accomplishments as being her own and not an extension of her Guardian or anyone else's. When Mizi looked at Sua, she simply saw Sua—no one else—and that must have meant everything to her. Mizi made Sua feel human.

And while the two girls essentially became each other's universes, Sua, who previously had no hope or desires of her own, began to adopt those of Mizi’s. Mizi’s innocent goal of singing on stage was changed to wanting to sing with Sua, and Sua, despite knowing the truth about their circumstances, took that on as being her goal as well. Any wants and desires that Mizi had became Sua's as she centered her life entirely around the one that essentially breathed that life into her. Like how a doll adopts whatever fantasy the one playing with it imagines. However, when it comes to porcelain dolls, one of their most defining features is how fragile they are.

The more you play with a porcelain doll, the more likely they are to break, and while Mizi’s love was what saved Sua, it simultaneously doomed her. The more Sua grew to love Mizi, the more of herself she wanted to give. Round 1 was the last time that Sua and Mizi were ever going to play together, and while she knew that by the end of their performance she would be broken, Sua fell apart happy.

[coolnonsenseworld]

They are wearing gold to accentuate they are accomplished on their own, but are gold-joined, because no matter how many cracks you put them through, they keep being stronger together. (And it's a gold-foil print in my shop.)  

Also I was so close to making a social commentary under this post about shipping and fandoms and trends, but honestly 😭 have fun, or let yourself be upset, love whatever content you do, stay kind in a clever way, I hope however this post finds you, that you will keep close a place that feels safe and happy for you.  

Good story is like true love - it never ends if you know how to care for it and are willing to continue it. Make your entire life into a good story so it gets stronger with each storm it weathers. 💝

[shima-draws]

Is there a One Piece rarepair ships week. Is that a thing. It should be a thing I think