#like today for example

[kosmogrl]

a sunny autumn day will make you find the divine in anything

[thisperfectmonsoon]

nobody ever asks me to post selfies when I actually look cute 😤

[eatyourdamnpears]

siblings stop being selfish challenge

[a--bottled-star]

tumblr sometimes doesnt show me when someone interacts with my post. I mean it shows me that I have a notification but not what the notification is which pisses me off. Normally it wouldnt but this is like. My last fucking straw of the day. Which is weird bcs I have had a pretty decent day but some things really got to me it seems.

[alatoowell-1d]

i HATE wasting good outfits on a bad day.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[lazylittledragon]

neurotypicals when someone asks you to repeat yourself please please please for the love of god just repeat the whole sentence not just PART of it, i don't know what you're talking about and saying what you think is the most important part actually doesn't help iT TAKES TWICE AS LONG BECAUSE I HAVE TO ASK YOU TO REPEAT IT AGAIN ANYWAY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Underrated reason why Lyanna as the KotLT just works is because it follows a pattern of deconstruction re the concept of knightly chivalry and honor, from Lyanna herself to her son 15yrs+ later. Lyanna as the KotLT is a gender-swapped version of the ‘knight rescues a helpless maiden from raucous bullies’ trope, but grrm of course puts his spin on it because one Lyanna is not even a knight to begin with and two, she’s a girl. Then knight!Lyanna fights the bullies which is again an adaptation of another trope: the ‘mysterious knight-errant enters the joust and wins then dips’, which is interesting because these types of knights sometimes fall into the black knight trope. And the black knight is, more often than not, not the hero. But the main reason why this is so interesting is Jon. Lyanna “cosplays” a black knight, but her son Jon later becomes an actual black knight. Jon then repeats his mother’s actions by defending Sam in AGoT, which is another subversion of the aforementioned ‘knight rescues a helpless maiden trope’ because the helpless maiden in this case is a helpless…lad…Though Jon and Lyanna acting as agents outside the bounds of knighthood (Lyanna being a northern woman and Jon being a member of the NW) puts them more in line with the traditional black knight (who is usually an anti-hero/villain), the actual essence of their actions puts them closer to the more valiant and honorable white knight according to tradition.

[stunie]

it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want

[thewardenisonthecase]

honestly, maybe it's a hot take or whatever, but I think that tearing down the veil and *potentially* bringing back the immortality to the elves would not have helped them a lot

[ducktracy]

i am a chronic "i need to watch that"-er, and i'm very lucky but also cursed to be surounded by excellent friends always recommending me excellent things. and i finally want to get off my keyster and actually WATCH them, but i have so many different serieseseseses i'm in the middle of that it's really hard to commit to one. so i made a watchlist of every series i'm either watching, beginning to watch, or wanting to watch. and then i decided to do the same with movies. and books i'm reading/want to read. and decided i should keep track of my art ideas and projects too. and this is great because with the shows especially, i've made a system where i watch one (or more if i have the time) episode of a show a day, and then make my way down and alternate between shows every day. and so far this has been working out great for me. but standing back and looking at my list is just making me say Oh, god. if you're wondering what's Eliza watching/reading/needing to work on, i have excellent news for you:

i'd also like to add that this is all on top of a continuation of last year's resolution in which i have thousands of golden age cartoons listed in a google doc, i roll a random number generator, and let it dictate the GAC i watch for the day. i am drowning

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Squinting intensely at Will as he says that after thousands and thousands of years the bigfoot world suddenly looks like the 1950s (albeit like the Jetsons version). Mr. Campos that's a rather suspicious thing to say paired with that other suspicious thing people picked up on you saying in episode 1. You know, this:

🤨 Anything you want to share with the class, Will?

[astradyke]

the thing about me is that dan and/or phil could post the most devastating photos in an instagram story dump but if any one of them happen to involve my other interests i'm sorry that is my main point of concern. the two of them could post them literally making out but if i even saw a pokemon plush in the background all y'all would hear is me being like "they're SO obsessed with gen 1 🙄 i bet they looooooved x and y didn't they". world's most useless phannie

[autistic-katara]

me when i remember that whatever happens with Byler and whatever’s canon in s5 we’re absolutely definitely going to have open explicit talks about Will’s sexuality both in general and specifically with Mike so even if we don’t get canon Byler it’s not going to be the quiet, anticlimactic, ignoring it and pretending the ppl interested were just crazy shippers going overboard type of queerbaiting and while the Byler doubt is real we’re absolutely guaranteed more than crumbs

[mirandaputsherbestbuttforward]

I do find it kinda........... Interesting how ppl in certain RP circles will say they support female OCs, but then............. if the female OCs aren't of a particular type and kind (often women of colour, not conventionally attractive, and/or aren't accessible to their male muses for shipping, for example), then they don't get interactions, don't get asked about, don't get cared about.

[icethinggigachad]

Filbrick doesnt have to be a mustache twirling bad guy to be an asshole

Okay so CW for talk abt child abuse and shitty parenting

The interesting thing about filbrick is that the way stan describes him is the way a lot of boomers describe their parents.

The parents of boomers belonged to "the silent generation", they were people who went through generational traumas like. The great depression and ww2. These were people with lots of trauma and no therapy so they got to pass it down to their kids yay!

Also parenting styles were different then, and during the 50s/and The Post War Conformity and 60s: children were not largely acknowledged as their own people. They were raised to be mini versions of their parents, there was not a consideration for a child as an individual.

So Filbrick was a bad parent, yes. But he was also in a Context where what we consider to be child abuse was normalized.

Theres a tendency to make things 1 dimensional and say an abusive person always has to have the full intention to hurt someone just to hurt them and must be purely evil and set to torture with no love at all.

But like, the way Filbrick acted towards his sons was likely considered unfortunately normal or even Good. He may have even loved them in the way he knew how or was supposed to, but that doesnt mean he couldnt also do hurtful or even abusive things.

And that probably actually makes it worse for Stan and Ford. If someone does a thing that hurts you and you Know that something was wrong, you can at least feel rightfully angry about it.

If its normalized then you dont get that catharsis. You are left thinking that what happened to you was the way it was supposed to be. Filbrick doesnt need to be extremely abusive to have hurt his kids, he might even have loved them. But that doesnt mean he didnt hurt them too! If he did or did not makes little difference.