#like they're just kids man why are you hating on a child

[senseandaccountability]

HR department romance plots

I just… beyond the surface level of enjoying a new game with new relationship dynamics to explore, I really can’t feel much about the DAV companions or their romances.

They all just seem so disconnected from the story, from Rook (who in turn is entirely disconnected from all kinds of feelings because Rook is just Employee Of the Year), from the world, from themselves. I feel like Cole here, looking at them and saying in my gentle, fleeting voice: even the dwarves don’t really remember dwarves. It really feels like the interpersonal relationships are written by the HR person who sits with you as union rep to tell you that you should use a positive language, that "we are all simply employees here, it doesn't matter what title you have", give a little pep talk about teamwork and how to get the job done. That's what we're here for. Everyone's equal. We all want the same thing here, your boss is your friend. Have you tried talking to this person, see their side of things, mmmm? It's just... yeah, they're cute, all of them. But why do they like each other? Why do they want to be with Rook? Who are they even in relation to the world of Thedas, what do they believe in, what have they overcome, what do they hate, what sort of prejudices do they carry around? I have no idea.

And since I’m also replaying DAI again, I wanted to compare these romances to my canon romances in DAI.  With Blackwall, you immediately get a sense of attraction and a sort of flirting on his part that suggests this is something he falls into quite easily - “you know a lot about girls” to quote Cole - BUT it’s also something he really, really thinks he shouldn’t be doing now. Why? He is tied to the Warden plot, if you bring him along you get a sense of a man hiding shit but you don’t really understand what, and he still comes to see you (flying/climbing up your balcony wall idk) because he can’t step away. You get to tell him he’s a good man even though you know shit about that at this point, like with Anders in DA2 you can give your PC over to this passion/love despite knowing that there’s something off, something potentially harmful or dangerous. There is conflict, there are things that jar, that can even make you uncomfortable. 

Blackwall as a character is open and compassionate. He approves of mercy, shows mercy, he isn't judgmental of others. In sharp and delicious contrast Blackwall’s crime is vile. He isn’t bound by any sort of oath, he can back down, there is no greater good whatsoever in his actions. It’s inexcusable. And yet. YET. You can CONTINUE THE ROMANCE. He killed a wagon full of kids, THEN RAN AWAY AND LET HIS MEN TAKE THE BLAME and hates himself so much that he tries to become someone else by erasing his previous self from the face of the earth. You can still kiss him and tell him you want him to live and redeem himself. It’s fucking incredible to think about this in the light of Veilguard actually. Your LI, the child murdering coward. 

With Iron Bull you have the doubts all spread out on the table. He’s a spy, how could you ever trust him? He also doesn’t respond to your flirting, why the hell not when you hear through ambient dialogue that he’s fucking half the chantry, isn’t he supposed to be a fuckboy? But he’s fun, he’s a mystery, he’s got fascinating banter with everyone, he’s brought his found family along, he’s a Qunari who at least somewhat believes in the Qun - he’s got AMAZING conversations with Solas that characterizes Bull as deeply intelligent (and Solas as much more caring than he’d let on) and knowledgeable about surprising things like architecture. Cole, as always, gives us more insight into Bull’s mind along the way and even before the offer to ride the Bull, the idea of him has been through some adjustments. You change his idea about a lot of things and in return, Bull challenges your idea of him, your idea of the Qun, your idea of the world and possibly, depending on how you react to his romance, your idea of intimate relationships. The game’s writing allowed me to imagine a rather frumpy circle mage in her mid 30s reluctantly forming a friendship with this strange fellow, only to find herself very much attracted to him, only to find herself being cared for in a way she would never have let anyone do before simply because Bull told her that was the only way he’d be with her. This is how we’ll do it, are you in? Your LI, the service top Qunari spy who is terrified he’ll run mad without his belief system to dictate his actions. 

And Solas. I mean mythical love stories culminating in mythical endings aside, what I really fell for in this relationship was the refreshing dynamic not of enemies to lovers but of two souls just sort of connecting instantly during strange events, taking a few hard looks at each other and going oh shit it’s you, you get me HOW is it possible you get me when nobody else does? There’s so much external drama surrounding them, which is why I personally LOVE and ADORE how calm their internal connection actually is. They know, so early in the game, that this is it. You’re my home, you understand the bones of me, you ask questions no one else thinks of asking, you care about the world in a way I haven’t seen anyone else do. He is LITERALLY the only one who understands your Lavellan when they make her the herald, when she protests and they keep pushing and pulling and sing their song after Haven, and Solas is there to be sarcastic about it. If nothing else, I'd fall in love with that. And there’s this sense of impossibility from the very beginning, a sense of it being almost unreal because the first kiss is in the Fade, the second is in a frenzy where Solas goes from 0 to I LOVE YOU, MY HEART and then leaves and you know, you know how this is coded and YET - he seemed so wise and kind and sad, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth. And even with this connection of souls, things chafe - he’s an absolute bastard about certain things, he mocks your heritage and you don’t know yet that it’s because a huge guilt blanket rests on top of him since thousands of years back, you can just argue back and receive his disapproval. He says it’s selfish of him to start anything with you yet he does - WHY DO YOU DO THAT, SAD EGG? Your LI, the ancient god of rebellion, treachery and lies, depending on the story. 

Even beyond my favourites, there are conflicts. Sera is A LOT (affectionate) if you're an elf, with Cullen you get a substance abuse story-line tied to his general dismay about his past as a really fucked up templar, Dorian has personal trauma and cultural prejudice he struggles with for the entire game, Vivienne is so complex half the fandom hates her and has very awkward and uncomfortable banters with almost everyone (save for Bull because he treats her like he would a tamassran), Cassandra is constantly challenged in her personal beliefs, very clearly reflected in her conversations with Solas and Cole has a whole personal plotline about deeply existentialist matters. What does it mean to be alive? Who is a person and who gets to decide that? He could have been a person, Varric says. Isn't he already? Does this unit have a soul? Not to mention that Cole functions chiefly as a speaker of truths, bringing a lot of complexity to the others. 

DAI is not perfect by any means but I feel like I know these bastards. I feel like my PC or even I could actively dislike some of them, because they are written to create dynamic conflicts inside and outside of their own arcs. I can write fic about them, I can imagine what they're doing during the events of DAV because I know them.

Because they are written like actual people in a world where some people have power over others and some people have been raised with a certain belief system and some people just have shitty takes on society, may they learn. 

[qcomicsy]

if there's a thing that I don't understand about this fandom is how SO MANY people hate Tim Drake. For what???? For what reason????? Why??? What is going on here he's just a 17 year old that dc has no idea of what to do with his character since 2009

The kid is not even annoying he's just a seventeen. And it's so weird that people go wild on the hating. I've heard people saying he's not even supposed to be a character and then I just think "oh shit is the robin slander from 1989 again".

"I'm so tired of the constantly reminder about Jason and Tim on the T tower" You mean when his dead brother who wasn't actually dead showed up from nothing and beat his ass to the ground?????

You really- Look deep into my eyes and tell me you think it's not traumatizing I dare you.

Also the whole "Tim Drake is unnecessary and boring" take should die.

This is a 30 year old character. If he's around for so long it has a reason, we all know there were times he was extremely helpful and necessary. We all know dc writers sucks and we all know the kid haven't got good writing in years.

"Oh but he's stans are annoying." So avoid them?? what the poor soul has to do with any of this.

And also, I specially don't like that because he is one of the first bisexual characters to appear in mainstream media IN YEARS, really really popular mainstream media. It doesn't sound like it's too much because we've been gaining many representation, but this is big. This is important. Tim Drake, not matter how much you hate him, is important.

[littlelightfish]

I would like to remind people that Chilchuck hasn't seen his wife in 4 years.

So he maybe wasn't there to see his daughters become adults, but he was there for the majority of their childhood.

When he left, Mayjack and Flertom were 12, and Puckpatty was 10. They reach adulthood at 14, so maybe yes, he was absent when they were still kids, but that doesn't mean he didn't maintained contact with them afterwards as far as I know. The thing he uses around his neck was a gift from Flertom, and he was using it when he met Laios's party.

[revvnant]

i sit and stew on a post so potent about the victim blaming that goes on in wider fandom headcanons about these characters that goes unnoticed because it's never overt or even intentional and i eat my hands because it's the jumpscare games for kids with their parents' credit cards.

[chiarrara]

so the premise of fruits basket is ridiculous and hilarious, but setting it up and justifying it is even more funny. like...

ep 1: teenage girl living in a tent gets taken in by a teenage boy and his weird uncle to be their live-in maid (she has a whole other cleaning job btw which she keeps). their cousin shows up trying to fight. he lives here now

ep 2-4: establishing relationships with her new housemates, antics, and weird mystical stuff (cute shoujo romance plot)

ep 5: circumstances that led her to living in a tent get resolved, she can move back in with her family now. this makes her so sad (and her family is weird and mean) that her grandfather, who is responsible for this 14 year old girl, is like, you can move back in with your two boyfriends and their weird uncle if you want. she does.

ep 6: her two girlfriends come over to sus out her two boyfriends and their weird uncle and somehow miss that they all turn into animals every 15 minutes. they give a thumbs up.

[rin-may-1103]

College Rivalry with the Genius Toddler in the First Row.

My take on this prompt Requested by @purplereaderfans

Danny looked up from his paper, a bright green crayon clutched in his small hand. Jazz patted his head with a quick smile, pushing her chair in so she could start making her way to the teacher, something about the wrong definition if Danny had heard what she'd been muttering correctly.

grumbling, Danny shook his head in an attempt to fix his hair. he hated how everyone was treating him like a child, he was sixteen, almost seventeen for Ancient's sake!

sure, he looked like he was three, but was this really necessary? head pats, baby talk, dumbed-down explanations; it's like they don't notice that he's still mentally a teenager. Like, seriously?

Mom and Dad had been the ones who created the damn device, they should know how to fix this, but did they? no, because; "Aww, Jack, look at him! Isn't our baby boy just the cutest!" and "Why yes, dear, we should get more pictures! It's not like every day a parent gets to witness their kid's toddler years again!"

danny hated it, even Vlad was treating him like a baby! Danny never wanted to hear the man try and speak to him like that again. it might actually be his new nightmare fuel, you know if he wasn't still using what happened with Dan and Pariah to fuel his consistent nightmares, that is.

Danny was ready to start blasting people's knees the next time someone so much as even hinted at dressing him up again. thankfully, for everyone's safety, Jazz noticed he was still mentally normal. She volunteered to take care of him while their parents worked on a way to reverse what their new ghost machine caused. (though he doubted it would be anytime soon, considering the GIW was acting up again.)

which, by the way, apparently wasn't supposed to have de-aged him, but in fact, just you know, 'barrow' his naturally made ectoplasm and knock him out for a few minutes. Ancients, his parents were insane.

he should have known they were going to do something stupid, but no; he had started slacking after revealing his phantom form and getting accepted by them. Because, again, why would he need to keep an eye on them and what they make when they promised to never try and hurt him and his normal rogues again?

they're adults, they should know how to handle themselves. but no.

oh, ho ho, was that such a big oversight on his part. they were Fenton's, of course, he should have kept an eye on them.

no longer making ecto weapons, his parents wanted to learn how to help peacefully capture raging ghosts and how to help heal the injured ones (mostly how to help Danny when he gets hurt). Noble, right?

right?

Wrong. somehow, they managed to create a de-aging device when they were trying to come up with a way to knock out an angry ghost without hurting them. How? Just how?? and what do they do without even testing to see if it would even work? use it on him. because, oh, danny's half ghost, and it's only supposed to make him tired right now, not knock him out. it should be fine.

and now he's a toddler.

a three-year-old toddler.

"psst!" someone hissed, dragging danny's attention away from his crumbled crayon. blinking, Danny dropped the crayon on the table and grumbled. this was the seventh crayon this morning, he really needed to get his strength under control before someone noticed.

"psst, hey kid!" they hissed again, making Danny sigh. turning his head, Danny glared at the weird dude who kept trying to talk to him. The dude usually talked to him like he was an adult, which Danny appreciated, if it wasn't for the fact the dude was hellbent on figuring out danny's secrets.

all because Danny scored more than him on a dumb test.

"What?" Danny grumbled, wiping the crayon crumbs off his hands and onto his pants. the dude, Danny thinks his name is Tam or something, frowned at Danny, watching him wipe the last of the obliterated crayon away.

"aliens," he hisses, leaning forward so he could stare more intently into Danny's eyes. "that has to be it, you and your sister are aliens. probably from some planet that's more advanced than ours."

danny blinked, studied the dude for a second, and blinked again.

"no," turning back, Danny grabbed another crayon and started filling out the worksheet in front of him, making sure to use as little of his super strength as possible.

the dude groaned and slammed his head onto his desk, the sound echoing out and around the silent room like a gunshot. Jazz snorted, pulling out her chair and sitting down. "that one has got to be one of the worst theories yet," she chuckled, turning her body to face the dude.

"you seriously can't believe my brother and I are aliens just because we got higher test scores, Tim." Jazz explained, casually leaning sideways in her seat so she could see him.

the dude, Tim, just groaned, slamming his head back into the desk, his voice muffled, "I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was just you," Tim lifted his head, glaring at him as Danny continued to carefully fill out his worksheet. "I can accept the fact that I'm not the smartest person in the room, I don't like it, but I can do it. I even respect it, having this much knowledge takes a lot of work and dedication, but him?"

"He's three, Jazz. he should be just starting to figure out the names of colors, and noticing differences between things. not astrophysics-level math questions from an April Fools gag test that our Psychology teacher jokingly gave us." Tim's eyes somehow got even narrower as he continued his rant. Danny valiantly tried to keep himself from laughing; Jazz said it was rude to laugh at people, especially if they weren't mentally all there, so he couldn't laugh.

but by the ancients was Tim making it hard.

with a fianl dash, danny smiled triumphantly. Setting the crayon down, he gave the paper a quick once over before deciding he was finally done filling it out.

now, for the moment he was waiting for; turning in his seat, Danny excitedly held up his paper, "Look jazz! I did it!" he had finally managed to complete the paper without ripping the page! and he'd only broken seven crayons! it was progress! there was hope! but Tim didn't need to know that, no, he needed to think Danny was excited about completing the paper.

Jazz, who was just as much of a gremlin as Danny, smiled as she patted his head, "Good job Danny! I'm so proud of you! why don't you go turn it in, I'm sure Mr. Kronmatil would love to see it."

smiling, Danny turned, climbed out of his seat, and started to make his way over to the teacher.

Tim grumbled in annoyance, his crazed theories and curses filling Danny's ears like the sweet sweet sound of music. if there was one good thing that came out of this whole fiasco, it was that Danny was able to work on his studies and cause as much chaos as possible while doing so.

being treated like a baby was all worth it when Danny turned and spotted the same confused and crazed look Tim had been giving him all week. yes, being de-aged wasn't fun, and he didn't appreciate being partially interrogated every time he entered the same room as Tim, but man it was so worth it when he knew he was driving one of the Gotham bat's nuts.

all because he scored higher than him on a test.

He couldn't wait to see Tim's face once the scores were announced tomorrow. He was so going to tell Lady Gotham all about it later.

[yuri-is-online]

Grim being greedy with Yuu's attention and love is pretty cute and very cat of him. Though it would be funny if the guys are the ones getting jealous/are envious of Grim. Image one of them seeing Grim getting held, smooched on his cute little face, and being told what a handsome little man he is. The boy wants that to be him so bad. 🥲

I love the misplaced jealousy trope so much. It's about the contempt, embarrassment, and guilt all rolled up into one package. Anyway have a list:

Not Jealous

Kalim- the only thing he is jealous of is that he is not the one spoiling Grim, he wants to let him know what a special little boy he is too! Look he even brought some crackers-

Trey- has kid siblings, knows how fun they can be to spoil so he doesn't mind. He saves his actual jealousy for other people that try to monopolize your time and assume that since he is so laid back he will just be ok with it.

Lilia- he is too old to be jealous of a practical child, but he is a bit hurt Grim won't let him spoil either of you with some food. He worked really hard on it ˙∧˙

Rook- watching you interact with Grim is truly beautiful, he has so many pictures of the two of you together from different angles in different light and he loves them all. Also I feel like he would be the type to actually like feeling jealous? Like he would write excessively about how beautiful he finds his feelings for you to the point you wonder if he is actually jealous or just... really extra with his obsessions.

Rollo- he doesn't see Grim as competition. Point, blank, period, there is no reason to be jealous of a monster because he doesn't want you to see him as someone who needs babying. If you are going to pepper his face with kisses and tell him he is handsome he wants that to be for other reasons (and hopefully in private he isn't big on pda.)

Deuce- he has this little game with Grim where Grim tries to get him jealous but Deuce waits his turn like a good little boy and gets twice as many kisses and compliments as Grim does. Idiot falls for it every time and Deuce is way to smug about it for Yuu not to notice.

Only a Little Jealous

Ruggie- is aware enough of himself to know he has no reason to see Grim as competition. Everyone likes spoiling kids, even bratty ones, but hey. Ruggie is a greedy guy and he wants to be spoiled by you, even if he is a bit too shy to admit it.

Cater- you spoiling Grim is very camable and Cater loves taking pictures of it; even if he doesn't have your permission to post them he just likes to have them to look at. But on days where Cater is a bit more depressed it can be hard to watch, he needs some tlc to recharge and he will never say he hates seeing it go to Grim- he does hate seeing it go to Grim.

Epel- really wishes Yuu would hang out with him because they think he is cool... but cool guys like being told they're handsome and getting kisses too... right? Well doesn't matter because he does and he is torn between playing cute to get it and hoping he wakes up buff enough to flirt with Yuu the way he wants.

Silver- he isn't aware that he is jealous because he knows why he shouldn't be, he has animals following him around everywhere so it would be hypocritical of him to be jealous of the attention you give Grim. But he is, he really likes your affection and is jealous for it.

In Denial

Vil- world famous super model Vil Schoenheit does not get jealous, people get jealous of him. And he certainly does NOT get jealous of monsters who aren't real rivals for your attention and he does not look at how you spoil Grim and think to himself how nice it would be to be able to be that free with his affection. On a completely unrelated note are you free in about an hour? He has some lipsticks he needs to swatch.

Jade- let's get one thing straight, Jade never gets actually jealous he just pretends to be because it's funny. He definitely is not watching you kiss Grim's little face and actually think of throwing him halfway across campus. Now if you could just look the other way for a second- oh why are you looking at him like that he would never actually hurt Grim. But just to make sure maybe you could buy him off with a kiss? Pretty please?

Sebek- thinks that he is above being jealous but has that ruffled wet cat look complete with the trembling lower lip as soon as he sees you and Grim. He isn't fooling anyone, please also spoil the croco he will call you an idiot but he is only doing that because he is too flustered to talk properly.

Jack- you are his mate, his one and only, the moon in the sky that is his life so why oh why does watching you spoil Grim make him want to die? Maybe it's because it is a bit hard for him to admit when he wants your affection so seeing you be so free with Grim makes those same words bubble up in his throat. Thank goodness he has a tail, otherwise you would never know when he wants a smooch.

Riddle- touch starved? Check. Proud? Check. Obsessed with rules to the point that it makes him a bit stiff when it comes to how he rationalizes his desires for affection? Oh you don't even know. He doesn't realize what he is feeling is jealousy and just assumes Yuu is breaking some sort of rule of social etiquette and that's why he is so mad at Grim. If he gets a kiss out of this he will probably pass out.

Visibly Seething

LEONA- is a petty bitch. He needs to feel like he is in charge and has a weird sort of competition with Grim because of how vaguely feline he is. Leona is the bigger cat so he should be the one Yuu is kissing on and not the whiny baby. leona says fuck them kids

Floyd- Floyd isn't always jealous. Sometimes he thinks watching Yuu spoil Grim is really funny! Just look at baby seal, all whiny and spoiled just like a real baby, so cute ♡ But when he has decided that he, Floyd, is the one who should be receiving kisses the eel is an absolute menace. Running won't help you.

Azul- he is touch starved and repressed and while it should be cute watching you spoil Grim... he doesn't think it is. Or rather he can't, he is too caught up in white knuckling his grip on his cane because oh seas he wishes that were him, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THAT BE HIM

Jamil- thinks he is playing it smooth and isn't coming off as jealous at all but he is. I once wrote that he would be jealous of the air you breathe and Grim is much more solid than that. He tries to play off his interruption as him just having had a rough day but Grim knows what he is and is not impressed. he totally sticks his tongue out at grim when yuu isn't looking what a loser

Ace- Grim has this weird game he plays with Ace where he behaves extremely well and gets a bunch of kisses and praise while Ace seethes in the corner until he finally snaps and whines for your attention. Ace does not wait his turn like a good boy and he and Grim are constantly competing for who gets the most kisses.

Malleus- Mal Mal is a bit of a spoiled brat. He hasn't had a lot of friends, so him wanting to be around Yuu and have their attention whenever he wants is natural but... he really isn't the best at sharing. But never mind that isn't his face much more kissable than Grim's child of man? (￣ε￣)

C-c-combo

Idia- no I didn't forget hims shut up. He goes through all four stages in that exact order. Not jealous because Mr. Grim is so cute he deserves all the kissies in the world, to a little jealous because he wishes Grim would let him spoil him too, to in denial because pssh there's no waaay you would ever want to give a weeb like him kisses or think he was handsome, to outright seething because Grim starts making fun of him. He is too brave enough to handle Yuu's affection! He instantly passes out after he gets one kiss

[pseudowho]

Surely mister perfect dad-husband-lover Nanami babywears? I could see him in a big woven wrap, maybe one in the same pattern as his tie?

And once the baby is a toddler, tossing them on his back while they run errands about town?

Bonus: would Higuruma? I haven’t read the manga so I only really know of him and his traits via fandom…

Nanami Kento: He absolutely babywears 👏👏 I think he'd be into the reliability of a structured carrier myself, but would absolutely fall apart if Mrs.Nanami has one made with a bespoke, tie-matching pattern.

I think he'd also have a meticulously organised baby bag with snacks, outfit changes, medicine, etc. Truly, a prepared king. He finds it uniquely frustrating that most baby-change rooms are in women's only bathrooms.

I think he'd have a back carrier for a toddler, but he'd encourage them to walk as much as he could, wearing the carrier just in case. They'd get thrown on his back when he needs to carry stuff though. He'd check they're awake back there by doing the Reach Back and Offer Snack technique...if a little hand comes out to take the snack, they're awake 😌

He'd be talking to people while babywearing, his usual low, stern voice, and would randomly interject every now and then with his sweet dad voice to include the baby: "...so we intercepted the Curse on the second floor, and Ino managed to take it out. But you don't need to know about that, do you, sweetheart? No, nooooo. No scary monsters here, no there aren't..."

Talk too loudly by him while the baby's asleep on him, and you'll be met with a death glare, and a single, raised finger in threat; Mr.Nanami Kento, who can excuse murder, but draws the line at disturbing naps.

Higuruma Hiromi: While I HC Higuruma as child free by choice (I have written just one fic of Dad!Higuruma), I think he'd absolutely babywear through practicality, the guy's too busy to push a buggy. If he has to use a buggy one day, I picture him jogging this baby to daycare (because he's running late) while pushing this buggy. He drops his baby off, gives him a big kiss and hair ruffle...then runs back, because the baby's been holding onto his case notes for him, and he forgot them.

That baby would be his confidante; Higuruma would share case details and ask his baby's opinion ("...so the prosecution, think they've got the evidence they need, but they're clowns. They're clowns, aren't they? Aren't they darling? Yes they are..."), go to client meetings with the baby ("Look...I believe you, but my kid doesn't look convinced. Maybe try something more like..."), and use his baby as an excuse ("Ahhh I'm sorry, I can't make that client lunch actually? Why? Oh, me and my baby hate you I haven't got childcare for the afternoon, today.")

Higuruma's a big oral fixation guy, and a fidgeter (pen chewer, gavel twizzler, tie loosening...) and assumes his baby is too, so has a baby fiddle-clip for when he's babywearing (he likes a wrap sling-- he knows it looks sloppy, but he's a dexterous king and can tie one in 10 seconds flat). He may or may not have had a bespoke fiddle/teething clip made, with a little rubberised gavel on it for chewing.

He's one of those dads who feels sleepy when a baby naps on him. You'd find him, slumped back in his office chair, with a baby napping on his chest, while Hiromi snores away, head back and exhausted, a pen and paperwork still in his hand.

Mr.Haitch is a keen babywearer. I'm very into Strong Man Wears Baby as a thing 💀

-- Haitch xxx

[marybeatriceofmodena]

What did Andrew Lloyd Webber do to make Patti Lupone upset? Sorry, saw your tags and i was curious

Oh.

Oh honey.

You sweet child.

Anyway, get ready for one of the most infamous showdowns in all musical theatre history, with the guy who writes the straightest musicals on Broadway (derogatory) and the one and only, the matriarch, the queen, two three-time Tony award winner Patti LuPone.

So, Andrew Lloyd Webber was basically kind of a boy genius in his prime - he met his future collaborator Tim Rice when they were 17 and 20 respectively, he wrote his first big hit, Jesus Christ Superstar, at 22, with Tim Rice writing the lyrics. And it was kind of a big deal at the time because the topic was controversial (you know, the Passion with rock music), but also because Broadway wasn't that far off from its golden age and let's just say the music and style were very different from, say, My Fair Lady. Or The Sound of Music. Or Funny Girl. It was basically the Rent/Hamilton of its time. (Yeah, Stephen Sondheim was around at that time, he worked on West Side Story which was revolutionary in of itself, but he's kind of an oddball in this case. You'll understand why later.)

Their real follow up (I'm not counting Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for a variety of reasons) was a little musical called Evita, which you might know mainly because of a song called Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Or at least, your mom has probably heard it once at the very least. It's that song that's oversung from a musical while being out of context along with I Dreamed a Dream for Les Misérables. Or Memory from Cats.

Evita tells the story of Eva Peron, the wife of an Argentinian dictator, who basically screws her way to the top and ends up becoming the mistress of Juan Peron and the most beloved woman in her country through guile and deceit. Yes, I know the historical accuracy is very much debated but I know jackshit about Argentina's history except the bare basics so don't come at me. It was first produced in the West End in London, with Elaine Paige in the role, but because of Equity issues, she couldn't reprise her role for the Broadway production. So a Julliard graduate who was mostly starring in David Mamet plays got the part instead, and that was Patti LuPone.

Patti... did not have a good time during Evita, because the part is basically the kind of score where you can tell the composer is used to writing male parts, but most female singers have a two-octave range (yes, you got Julie Andrews who used to have a three-octave range, and many others, but they're exceptions), so she struggled a lot. That being said, if you listen to live recordings of her, you wouldn't be able to tell, and it got a lot easier later on. But she had this to say:

"Evita was the worst experience of my life. I was screaming my way through a part that could only have been written by a man who hates women. And I had no support from the producers, who wanted a star performance onstage but treated me as an unknown backstage. It was like Beirut, and I fought like a banshee."

This is from Patti's autobiography, which she wrote in 2007 - 8 years after shit with ALW went down. With all that said, she won a Tony Award for Evita, and she pretty much became a musical theatre household name from then on. She played Fantine in Les Misérables, Nancy in Oliver!, Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes. Meanwhile, ALW's next big hits were Cats (I'm not even kidding, Cats was a hit), and, you guessed it, The Phantom of the Opera, which he wrote in part to showcase his then wife Sarah Brightman's triple threat talents.

So, you need to understand before I continue that ALW, from my perspective, has always had a bit of an inferiority complex. He's basically associated to writing these commercially successful musicals that show a big spectacle but aren't ultimately substantial. I'm not sure I entirely agree with that, but I do think that if he didn't have Hal Prince, Maria Bjornson, Charles Hart and Gillian Lynne backing him up for Phantom, it would have probably been a Rocky Horror Picture Show knockoff people would have forgotten about pretty quickly. This is what I mean:

Yep, that was Phantom before any of the people I mentioned above (and Michael Crawford) were really involved.

Remember how I said Stephen Sondheim was an oddball? The thing with him is that his musicals weren't always commercially successful, but in general, in part thanks to being Leonard Bernstein's protégé, he was generally pretty well-respected and it was considered that his work was bringing musicals to a whole other level. Without Sondheim, you wouldn't have Jonathan Larson, and you wouldn't have Lin-Manuel Miranda. I am convinced ALW is resentful of that, and when you stop and think about it for more than 10 seconds, it's so obvious he REALLY wants to be Sondheim or at least command the same level of respect, but that's a story for another day.

So, after Phantom, ALW had other musicals that followed that either got a meh reception or outright flopped. Then there was Sunset Boulevard, which is based on the movie of the same name with Gloria Swanson. Despite all of her griefs for Evita, Patti LuPone agreed to partake in the musical as Norma Desmond, for its production in London, with the promise that she would transfer to Broadway once that production would open. And overall, after a string of flops, Sunset was actually doing pretty well.

HOWEVER. One day, while reading the gossip column of a newspaper, Patti found out that contrary to what she was promised, Glenn Close, who was meanwhile starring as Norma in the Los Angeles production, was to play Norma on Broadway. That was a complete surprise for her since no one on the production team had bothered to tell her it was happening - and keep in mind that for the news to come up the way it did in a gossip column, it probably would have necessitated a delay of a few weeks between the producers and the newspaper, which would have given them plenty of time to break the news to Patti. And Patti kind of needed the leg up because she was pretty bitter that a) Madonna was cast in the Evita adaptation instead of her; b) they actually lowered the key to fit Madonna's voice range, and she still had to expand her own to be able to sing the (lowered) score. And trust me, Patti is mad about it to this day.

So of course, she trashed her dressing room, the cast and crew weren't even mad about it because they were as shocked and angered as she was by the news. Patti sued Andrew Lloyd Webber for breach of contract, namely for 1 MILLION DOLLARS (yup, those are the real numbers), won, used the money she got from the lawsuit to get a swimming pool, which she called (and I SHIT YOU NOT) the Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool. Since then, Webber is dead to her, to the point rumor has it she had part of a building blocked during an event so she could get out of it without coming across Webber, because she hates him so flipping much she doesn't even want to be in the same building as the guy.

(There's also drama that happened with Faye Dunaway who was supposed to replace Glenn Close after she went from Los Angeles to Broadway, except they abruptly closed the show down after Close left, but that's a story for another day)

So with all the bad press, and with ALW forced to pay 1 million dollars for Patti's lawsuit, that led Sunset's productions to close earlier than expected. ALW has stayed around since, with... mitigated output, so to say. The lowest point for a lot of people is Love Never Dies, the sequel to Phantom, which some people love, and that's fine, but it didn't do well with either critics nor fans of the original show, which ALW is EXTREMELY BUTTHURT ABOUT. And like, there are so many stories I could tell about LND alone, but I will share my own crack theory about it, since it does relate to the ask.

Anyway, buckle up.

So. There have been jokes going around for years that the Phantom in LND is basically ALW's self-insert, where he displays to the world that he's totally not over Sarah Brightman leaving him (in part because making Phantom kinda ruined their marriage lmao), despite, you know, having married since. (Aaaaaakward.) So LND basically becomes this really uncomfortable therapy session where a man writes a self-insert musical about how his ex-wife made a big mistake of leaving a sensitive artistic soul such as himself. The characters from Phantom who appear in LND are all more or less unrecognizable as a result, and one who gets it worse (in my humble opinion) is Meg Giry, who was basically Christine's sweet and loyal ballerina friend who basically went into the Phantom's lair on her own to save her friend despite the danger. In LND, she's basically a bitter hag (because ALW hates women, guess Patti was right about that), who really likes the swim and even has a stripping vaudeville number about it, written in universe by the Phantom, no less.

For comparison, here's Don Juan Triumphant (the Phantom's opera in the original):

And here's Bathing Beauty (the vaudeville number):

Yeah, so... do you see why people hate LND already?

And that's not the only thing with Meg! She's also pining for the Phantom to pay attention to her and threatens to drown the Phantom and Christine's secret love child when he makes it clear that he's gonna love Christine for EVA AND EVA.

So, with everything we learned today about ALW, would someone like him view someone like Patti LuPone as some sort of crazy, bitter diva who's obsessed with him for whatever reason? Absolutely. Would he be petty enough to insert Patti LuPone into his self-insert musical, which gave us the version of Meg Giry we got in LND? Of course. Why does Meg love to swim so much and why does she drag Gustave out ostensibly for a swim? Is it a dig at Patti's Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool? Maybe.

I kind of hope we find out one day if that theory is true. And maybe start a kickstarter so Patti can add this painting from the 2004 movie in her collection.

Fun fact: during the process of casting for the 2004 movie adaptation of POTO, ALW allegedly suggested Patti LuPone to play Carlotta... only for Joel Schumacher to have to awkwardly remind him that they were not on speaking terms. The idea was therefore promptly dropped.

[daydaydayrk420]

Save a horse ride a cowboy

Logan Howlett (wolverine) x nightcrawler Male reader

⚠️ bottom reader, top Logan, dress up ⚠️

🚨 Minors and girls do not interact 🚨

I realised I wrote this as a bottom reader at the end of it... I don't remember if I wanted it to be a bottom reader or not but whatever I ain't rewriting this XD my first bottom reader!!

______________________________________________________________

Halloween.

How Logan hated Halloween.

Y/n he loves it. It's one of the days when he can go out in public without getting harassed about being blue and furry.

Logan, not y/n, put much effort into their costumes. Or, well, y/n did dress in a Beetlejuice suit, but that's about it. Logan? He just put on a cowboy hat.

But little did Logan know. Y/n has a weak spot for the Cowboys.

The fun begins.

The older students spike their drinks. The adults have secret alcohol bottles. But most people just drink beer.

Besides the smaller kids. They get juice. Other than that everyone's dressed up and having fun.

Besides Logan. He was bored. He was happy he had his beer. But he's still bored.

Y/n he's having fun. He has a plan tho. Something Logan won't be happy about. The older man always had a weak spot for the blue man. So whenever the nightcrawler gets himself in trouble, of course, Logan is the first to help and scold.

The blue man sneaks out of the room so he can teleport without anyone noticing. But the moment he turns around he's met with Logan's chest. "Shit."

The older man has his arms crossed. "Where do you think you're going?" His voice is somewhat mad but mostly annoyed. "Um.. a party?" Y/n smiles sheepishly.

"The hell you are." The older man huffs and grabs y/n's arm. "Then come with me!" The blue man says out of panic. Logan paused. "Alright. But if you do something I won't like, we're going home." Logan warned. Y/n nods and sighs. He fucked up already.

"Alright let's go.." Y/n first teleports to his room to change into his formal clothes and then he teleports himself and Logan to a local Halloween party that's in the city.

"How'd you find out about this anyway?" Logan asked as he looked around.

"Instagram."

The night goes smoothly. No one insults y/n about his fur. Funny enough, everyone compliments his "costume". Logan is always by the bar. Flirting with anyone who flirts back. But the moment he noticed y/n dancing with someone dressed as Arthur Morgan he lost his mind. He wouldn't mind it if it was harmless dancing. But they're basically humping each other.

He won't stand for that. The older man strides towards them, lifts the blue man over his shoulder, and heads for the exit. "Whoa - hey! Let me down! Logan, it was just getting fun!" Y/n complained and hit his fists against Logan's back like an angry child.

The blue man eventually gives up and just limply hangs over Logan's shoulder. "Should I teleport us to the school?" Y/n asks in defeat. "No," Logan said in a gruff voice. That surprises the blue man. Y/n doesn't ask more but stays curious.

Logan takes them to the nearest motel he knows of. Y/n is more curious with each passing second. He doesn't say anything as Logan checks in and takes the keys.

"Why are we here?" The blue man asks once they enter their room. Logan doesn't respond and locks the door before dropping y/n into one of the beds. "Hey watch it-" y/n's words are interrupted by Logan's lips pressing against his.

The blue man moans and cups the older man's cheek to pull him closer. Logan crawls over y/n and deepens the kiss. He had different plans. He wanted to punish Y/n for being a brat, but the moment he felt those soft blue lips, his mind corrupted.

The older man runs his hand up the blue man's hip and settles between his legs. They continue to kiss like that for a couple of minutes before Logan pulls away and removes his shirt. Y/n joins in and starts to strip too.

They're both naked. Logan is about to remove hid hat too but y/n stops him. "Leave It on." He murmured and gently pushed Logan onto the bed so he could straddle him.

The older man raises an eyebrow but doesn't question it. Once the Blue man Is settled he kisses Logan's neck. His tail starts to slowly wag the moment he feels Logan's hands on his thighs. The older man grins at the sight. "So beautiful. So soft." He murmurs into y/n's blue fur on his shoulder.

Y/n purrs and nuzzles Logan chin before lining up with his dick. "You don't have to do this ya know?" Logan piped in wanting y/n to fully think about this. "Ya know what they say. Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Y/n said with a lopsided smile he only has when he's nervous.

The older man chuckles but doesn't comment. He caresses y/n's hips in support and comfort to help the blue man relax as he sinks onto his dick. "You're doing so well elf." Logan murmures.

It takes the blue man a couple of minutes to get fully seated because Logan is a large man in more ways than muscle and height. Y/n whimpered at the feeling of such size filling him up.

Once he got used to it, he slowly lifted up, but he couldn't lift far before he fell. Logan chuckles and caresses his thighs. "Take your time."

Y/n smiles gratefully and just rolls his hips for now. The older man moans and kisses the shorter man's shoulder. Y/n whines and arches his back.

The shorter man suddenly gets an idea and pushes Logan back so he's resting against the headboard. Y/n shifts until he's leaning back. His hands by each of Logan's legs. He uses that to push himself up better than when he was kneeling.

Like this Logan gets a better view and immediately runs his hands over every inch of skin and fur he can reach. Y/n bites his lip, his tail is wagging furiously like a happy dog as he bounces.

Thanks to his feline-like character he's flexible enough to stay in this position for a long time. His tail might be a problem though. Sure it's just wagging. But it's hitting everything. The bed. His ass. His back. Logan's legs. Plus the tail is moving on its own with such force it makes y/n's hips move.

Logan grunts and grabs the tail. "Energetic little thing." He huffs. The tail wraps around Logan's hand, and he tugs at it. Y/n cries out and his dick twitches. The older man smirks and keeps that in mind for later.

For now he just reaches for the blue man's dick and teases it by running the tips of his fingers down the blue shaft. Y/n whimpers as his hips twitch as if his body was begging for more.

"So responsive. So beautiful." Logan praised and wrapped his fingers around y/n's dick loosely. The blue man whimpered and sped up his bouncing.

The room is filled with moans, grunts, and wet skin slapping against skin. A soft whimper from y/n is also heard from time to time whenever Logan tugs at his tail or dick.

Why didn't they get noise complaints? Because it's Halloween, everyone's drinking, and pretty much the whole motel is filled with horny couples that dressed up. So basically every room is echoing with moans.

But y/n and Logan only listen to each other. They're too focused on each other to notice old Billy begging for his mistress, Angel, next door.

Instead they notice the way the other's breath is starting to get shorter and faster. They know. The way they hold eye contact. They know. They don't talk because they don't want to ruin the moment and just watch each other.

Logan pushed off of the headband so he could be closer to y/n. He doesn't change position no. He just wants to be close. He let go of the tail, held the blue man's furry hips with his large hands, and kissed his chest. Y/n uses one hand to tangle his fingers in the older man's hair.

The blue man closes his eyes briefly to enjoy the overwhelming feeling of reaching his peak. He tugs at Logan's hair to pull his head back so he can look into his eyes.

Their mouths are both partly open. Breath mixing with breath. Their eyes hold intense eye contact, but to them, it feels like they're watching the most beautiful scenery ever witnessed. Logan's lips are wet, plum and pink. His cheeks are flushed with red and his eyes are lidded. He's trying his best to keep his eyes open.

Y/n's eyes are open. He doesn't want to close his eyes. He wants to see Logan. Y/n's face feels hot but he knows no blush is visible due to his blue skin and fur. But his lips are also plum and wet from the constant biting he did.

Their breaths hitch and hold as they cum. Y/n spills over his furry belly, which he'll complain about washing out later, and Logan spills into Y/n. Once their climaxes calm down they both gasp out the last bits of air they were holding.

Logan Finally closes his eyes and wraps his arms around y/n's hips to hold him as close as possible and rests his forehead on the blue man's furry chest. Y/n finally pushes off and wraps his soon-to-be sore arms around the older man's shoulders. He let his eyes shut and enjoyed the intimate embrace. He also wraps his tail around Logan's leg. That gets Logan to smile against the fur of y/n's chest.

Once they caught their breaths, Logan kept his arms around the blue man and laid down. Which made Y/n lay on him. But he didn't complain. He liked laying on Logan's chest. Y/n's eyes are still closed and his hand starts tracing Logan's chest. They both have their eyes closed with stupid smiles on their faces.

Logan lazily runs his fingers through the fur on y/n's neck. The reality of the situation starts to sink in and y/n's smile grows bigger and his tail starts to wag. Logan laughs as he feels the familiar smacking against his legs.

"happy?" He teased.

"Happy." Y/n purred.

[teddybeartoji]

in my head megumi is 100% a judoka, right? but it's important to me that you all know that he's the one that said he wanted to do it and that toji was a bit unsure about it at first. of course, the idea of his son doing martial arts just like him made him happy, more than happy even, but at the same time... there was a part of him that was a little afraid.

he didn't train like hell out of desire, but out of necessity. his life was cruel and so awfully far from good, that the mere idea of his son doing something even remotely close to what he had to endure was scary. and stupid.

toji always knew that he would never treat either of his kids the way he was treated. never. so the fear was always rather irrational. but that didn't make it disappear; he just wanted to keep his kids, his little blessings, away from his past in any way he could.

but megumi has always been a determined kid. very honest, and curious. so when his dad seemed to question his interest in judo, he couldn't help but bombard him with a million why's.

pulling at his dad's cheeks as toji held him in his arms, the older man sighed with a faint smile. the more the young boy kept going about how toji does it too, so why can't he, and about how cool it is. about how he wants to be able to protect his older sister. it was just impossible for toji to say no.

it's going to be different.

megumi isn't toji and toji isn't his dad. it'll be okay.

and so, he finds a place and buys him his first gi and walks him, hand in hand, to his practice. he would never admit how nervous he was, way more than the boy standing by him, clinging to his side as they both stared at the big training hall. what if the coach is some horrible prick? what if she's some mean old-school lady, who would never be affected by a child's cry?

toji had never been one to worry so much – he wasn't this stuck in his head when he dropped tsumiki off at her first soccer practice either, but the sight of the mats and all the equipment, the sight of kids all sat in front of the trainer just brought up some forced down memories.

oh, and how he hates feeling like this. it's not the first time he's seen mats and training equipment, he goes to a gym almost on a daily basis for fuck's sake, so why does he suddenly feel like that beaten little boy again. why does he feel like—

"dad?"

toji feels this ridiculous fear inside him fade, the feelings that want to bubble up die down in his throat at the sight of big curious eyes and small hands clinging onto the sleeve of his hoodie. his boy. loved and cherished, ready to learn something new. he takes importance over everything.

so, toji clears his throat and gives megumi's hand a squeeze while flashing him his infamous teasing grin to let the boy know that he's there with him. always. "ready?"

an excited nod.

the coach said that toji could stay and watch and that's exactly what he does. sat on the sideline, he observes how gumi sits there on his knees, ears perked up like the trainer before him is telling him the most interesting story in the world. toji cracks a smile.

the trainer is nothing like he feared; not mean, not evil, not cruel but very enthusiastic instead. they're pulling little laughs and giggles from the kids with their antics as they introduce themselves and the sport itself. it's nothing that toji ever went through and he's glad.

he's glad when megumi steals a glance over his shoulder and meets toji's fond gaze. he's glad when he spots that faint smile on megumi's lips.

it will be different.

he's not sitting there because he has to, because he's forced to do so but because he wants to do it. it'll be different because megumi wants to be like his dad, he wants to protect his sister. it'll be different because megumi thinks it's fun, and that it's cool.

it will be different because toji loves him.

+ you can find more of little judoka megumi here!!

[restinslices]

小天使

Bi-Han x Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 2036

Summary: Who would have thought that raising a child would be the hardest thing in a world full of gods, Edenians, sorcerers, war, and whatever else life decided to throw in the mix.

Translations for future reference: 小天使 - Little angel. 爸爸- Baba/dad. 我爱你! - I love you! (I got all these translations from Google, so they could be wrong).

If someone were to ask Bi-Han which was harder, being a Grandmaster or having a young child, he'd say the latter without hesitation. 

It's not that he didn't like being a father. It's just that kids… well… they're special creatures. Special in the sense that things that made sense to them, made no sense to the adults around them. 

Here are just a few moments that made Bi-Han wanna face the wall and never be seen again. 

Bald People 

“Chew with your mouth closed 小天使” Bi-Han used his hand to push your jaw up then wipe juice from your mouth, earning a giggle from you. He had no idea what was funny, but he learned long ago to not ask many questions. Your brain would never make sense to him and vice versa. 

To say it was a nice day would be an understatement. For the first time in days there was no rain in the area, the cold didn't bite at anyone's exposed flesh (something he didn't mind, but your body didn't process the cold the same way his did. At least not yet), the clouds didn't cast the world into darkness, no. Nothing like that. It was clear. Not a cloud in sight. No rumbles of thunder. Just a clear day. Perfect for eating fruit with his little buddy outside. 

Bi-Han made a fatal error though. He allowed himself to get too comfortable. He stopped being on his guard. 

“爸爸!” You shouted. “爸爸 WHY IS THAT GUY BALD?!”. 

Please let that be a hallucination… 

He followed where your finger was pointing, and to his disappointment, he wasn't hallucinating. You were pointing to a Lin Kuei ninja who had taken his mask off to reveal his smooth and bald head. The man- well, not just him. Every ninja looked over at the two of you in shock. 

“Hey!” he pushed your hand down. “What'd I say about pointing?” he scolded. It was all he could think to say. What was he supposed to do in this situation? He had never been advised on what to do if his child suddenly became interested in bald people. 

“BUT HE IS BALD! WHY IS HE BALD?!”. Bi-Han said a silent prayer to the Elder Gods to give him the strength to not strangle you. 

“Stop yelling! Eat your fruit!”

“But why is he bald?” at least you weren't screaming anymore. Small wins. “I'm not bald. You're not bald. I've never seen a bald person in real life. What's the word for 'bald’ in Chinese? I can't remember-”

His hand covered your mouth. He sighed. If only he could stay like this forever. 

As the Grandmaster, he wasn't afraid of confrontation. That'd be ridiculous. Didn't mean he wanted you poking at some random bald guy though. 

Your small hands pulled his down from your mouth. He hated you were so cute, with your wide eyes and chubby cheeks. It made it a lot harder to be stern with you. 

Bi-Han having trouble with being stern? You definitely had changed him. 

“But he's bald” the last word came out your mouth in amazement. Had you really never seen a bald person before? He never felt the need to show you one. Why would he? “Come on, child of mine! Let's go watch bald people today!”. Kuai Liang had kids of his own, but he hadn't brought up kids could become fascinated with bald people. Was this normal? 

Parenting was so confusing. 

“爸爸!”

“Eat your fruit” he practically begged. 

“I'm gonna go ask him why he's bald!” You exclaimed. “Excuse me! Kind stranger! Hey-” with a sigh, Bi-Han threw you over his shoulder, grabbed the bowl of fruit, and walked towards the house. 

“Hey!” Your small hands hit his back and your legs kicked up in the air. “Hey I was talking to him! Hey! Hey! Kind stranger! Why are you bald?!”. 

You continued your shouts of curiosity, all while Bi-Han continued carrying you over his shoulder. And once you both got back inside, you still hadn't understood what you did wrong. 

“It was just a question” you defended as you bit at your nails and swung your legs from your seat. “Can I have ice cream?”. 

Bi-Han sighed. 

War was easier than this. 

Duckies

As soft as you had made him, he still pushed you when it came to training. 

And as silly as you were, you were still a fantastic fighter. 

It filled him with pride to watch you use your small size to your advantage. You'd dodge under the other ninjas legs, kick them in places like their shins, you'd even crawl up their bodies and startle them. 

His perfect little warrior. 

But before being a warrior, you were still a child. So it was to his disappointment, but not surprise, when you gasped and pointed behind him. Something had gotten your attention. 

“Look! Look!” You exclaimed as you ran past him. 

What he expected to see was something like a rainbow. Something that made sense to get excited over. What he didn't expect to see were two white ducks waddling next to each other. 

“They're ducks” 

“They're ducks!” You repeated after him. “They're so cute!” You ran at him and tugged on his arm. “Can I have them?! Please please please?! Can I have them both?!”. 

Would it be terrible to make a joke about cooking them?

More than likely. 

“No” he said sternly and grabbed your arm. “Go back to-”

“I wanna go draw them” you whined. You tried to pull away from him, even going so far as to try and pry his hand away, but you were a small child. 

By the Elder Gods… maybe if he screamed everytime he woke up, he'd have more patience. 

Bi-Han tried his hardest to say “go back to your training” as sternly as he could, in hopes it'd spark obedience in you. You weren't an obedient warrior though. You were a child. 

You did what he hated most. You fell to the floor, becoming dead weight in his hand. You mumbled whines he couldn't, and didn't care to hear. Everytime he tried to pick you up, you fought to stay back down. It didn't matter that he threatened to take away everything you loved. Even using the typical lines about Santa didn't work. You didn't care about Santa, or your toys, or getting an earlier bedtime, or no longer having candy, or anything else he could think of. You were in love with these stupid fucking birds now and all you wanted to do was draw them. 

“Fine!” he shouted. “Go draw your ducks!”. 

Of course, your sour mood was gone now. You ran away, leaving him behind to dismiss his men and debate on asking one of his brothers to babysit. 

Bi-Han hoped that this phase would only last a few days. 

But hope never really did anything. 

The phase lasted months. There were drawings of ducks everywhere. There were framed pictures, pictures on the fridge, pictures in between couch cushions, he even found some in the bathroom. Why the hell were you drawing in the bathroom? 

The sound of crayons scribbling on paper and you humming filled his ears when he entered your room. Ducks again he was sure. Duck this, duck that, duck every fucking thing. 

“Come on. We're visiting your uncles today”

“One more minute”. 

He sighed. He kept giving you “one more minute”. You were supposed to have left ten minutes ago. There wasn't a set time you both were supposed to be at Kuai Liangs home. He just wanted to be there by 2:30pm, but it was 2:25pm and you still hadn't left. 

“No more minutes” he didn't know why he kept trying to be stern with you. “We're going. Now.” 

He walked closer to you then, prepared to throw you over his shoulder and carry you off if he had to. Thankfully, you slammed your crayon down and showed off your drawing with a wide smile. 

“I drew us as ducks!”. 

It was true. Though the ducks weren't entirely anatomically correct, Bi-Han could still see the two ducks holding hands and smiling. You even added hair on both of you, and on the bottom in pink sat the words “我爱你!”. 

He pointed at the words and asked “who's saying that?”. 

“Both of us” you answered. “Cause I love you and you love me!”. Very true. Even if you made his head pound sometimes, he loved you more than life itself. “It's a gift for you”. 

Was it stupid to feel happy as he held the paper in his hands? It was just ducks after all. 

But in the same breath, you took two things you loved and put them together. Perhaps it was insecurity, but sometimes he worried that you weren't aware of how much he loved you. He was glad to know that although he pushed you, it didn't change how you felt for him. 

“Do you like it?”. 

Did he like it?

He left a kiss on top of your head and nodded. 

Maybe ducks weren't so bad. 

Party Time!

When Bi-Han felt himself being shook awake, he knew it could only be one person doing it. So, being the reasonable and mature adult he was, he decided to ignore the person. 

“爸爸. 爸爸. 爸爸” You whispered while shaking him. He kept his eyes closed and pretended to still be asleep. “Dad. Dad. Daddy. Dada. 爸爸”. He groaned and tried to shake you off while still pretending to be asleep. Unfortunately for him, you inherited his stubbornness. 

He felt your breath on his ear as you whispered “are you awake? Wake up”. 

Fuck. You weren't gonna stop. Maybe you'd tire eventually, but it wouldn't be anytime soon. 

He sighed, opened his eyes, then looked at you. “Why are you awake?” he grumbled, noticing the lack of light coming through his curtains. 

“I can't sleep” you complained. “I had a bad dream”. Well now he felt a little bad for ignoring you. 

“Come lay next to me-”

“I don't wanna go back to sleep” you whined. You fully collapsed on top of him, which he wished you didn't do because your head was now on his throat. “I wanna stay up. Let's have a party!”. 

“No” he answered simply. He pushed you off, much to your dismay. “I'll read you a story-”

“Nooooooooo” you whined from next to him. “Party time! Let's have a party! Dad and kid party!”. He rolled his eyes at your jazz hands. Parents needed a daily salary. 

“We're not having a party,” he said. He wasn't even sure what kind of party you were even talking about. Either way, it was far too late. “I will read you a bedtime story. You'll like the story. Then you'll go to sleep”. 

More whines. “Then the monster will come back”. 

That made him raise a brow. “The monster?” he questioned. 

Your frown deepened. “The monster” you repeated. “In my dream, there was a monster. You left me behind”. 

Oh his heart was so soft when it came to you. He could've told you to suck it up and that it was just a dream. Instead, his eyes softened and he rubbed your cheek. Your hand gripped his in response. 

“I wouldn't leave you behind”

“You wouldn't?”. 

You sweet child… 

“Never” he said firmly. That answer seemed to satisfy you. You burrowed yourself into his side and let out a sigh of relief. Poor thing. He wished he could prevent you from having bad dreams ever again. 

He stayed awake beside you, patiently waiting for you to fall back asleep. 

You frustrated Bi-Han. That much was true. You gave him headache after headache and confused him beyond belief. 

It didn't matter in the long run. It didn't matter how many times you said something inappropriate in public, or how many obsessive phases you went through. 

It wouldn't matter how many tantrums you had, or how many times you woke him up while the moon was still high in the sky. 

None of that would matter. 

He would always stand beside you. 

He would always love and adore you. 

His warrior. 

His little duck. 

His 小天使.

I haven’t written x reader fanfic in a hot minute, so I’m still a little rusty. I hope y’all enjoyed either way! While proof reading I realized that Kuai Liang would more than likely live with Bi-Han and wouldn’t have his own home to visit. But uuuhhhh it’s already to written 😀. So let’s all just ignore that little error.

[aalloochaat]

no but sick!eren would be the biggest menace ever and im here for it tbh

stage one of eren getting sick? denial. he’ll pretend he’s not sick, even though he’s coughing so hard you’re afraid his lungs are gonna fall out. 

claims he doesn’t get sick, doesn’t need to be taken care of because “im not a baby, goddamnit!”

he is the biggest, clingiest, whiniest baby you’ve ever met. 

can and WILL pout that you’re not giving him any kisses. tries to pull you close for cuddles, but you resist, keeping a safe distance.

“i’m not getting sick too, eren u dumbass man child”

“NOOOO BUT I LOVE YOU BABY WHY WONT YOU KISS ME ☹️☹️☹️☹️”

he’ll settle down once you put on a tv show (because i firmly consider him an ipad kid) and give him some homemade chicken noodle soup. he almost cries because no one has made soup for him before.

one thing about eren is that he gets SO emotional when he’s sick he literally becomes the 🥺 emoji

he’s delirious as fuck because of his fever but god forbid he’ll ever have medicine for it. because according to him, “ ‘s all part of a conspiracy theory, pretty girl! they're gonna like, control us!!! i dont trust the hospitals they just want money1!!!! just… just rub some dirt on me and i'll be brand new !!!!!!!”

“eren, your father is literally a doctor.” “yeah but i hate him so he doesn’t count!”

has to be spoon fed or he’ll refuse to eat. once he starts feeling better after eating, he WILL try and sneak out of bed to run around and show off his sTrEnGtH only to puke up all the food because he got dizzy. 

he’s also very unpredictable ??????? he just doesn’t like being sick but isn’t willing to do anything to become better but at the same time complains about being sick and wanting something to make him feel better BUT WILL LITERALLY REFUSE MEDICINES? (he wants you to baby him even more but he’d rather go on a date with that stupid horseface than admit it)

whines about being bored, pats his lap and winks at you when you ask him what he wants to do. you just roll your eyes at him.

what a pathetic little mess of a man. you love him <3

[devoutekuna]

Meeting their new siblings

Includes- Toji, Sukuna, Nanami, Gojo, Geto

Sukuna-

"Why does he look like that daddy?" Pointing to the baby, her brother was currently fighting back a sneeze, so of course they made an ugly face. "Cause he takes after your mother" your husband always made sly remarks about you despite being one of the prettiest women he's ever seen. "Leave mummy alone!" Trying to hit the man. Only for her hand to be caught by him. "You take after her too, with that bratty attitude" now dangling in the air by her hand. "Shut up ugly!" Kicking him in the chest.

Nanami-

He had just picked his daughter up from a relative's house, strolling into the house with his daughter running Infront of him to try and race him for whoever gets to see the baby first, unbeknownst to her, he was at the hospital as you gave birth so he already met his daughter. "Daddy look!" Pointing at the baby, she was asleep in your lap. "Quieten down sweetheart" he seemed more tired than you, despite you being the one who actually gave birth. Then again, he always seemed tired and stressed so it wasn't anything new. Placing himself right next to you. "Isn't she cute?" Your newborn daughter was currently asleep on your lap, so she couldn't get the best look at her face.

Geto-

His daughter hates the fact that she'd shave to share her father, though she loved her new siblings. Poking at her newborn sibling as he laid sleeping in their crib. "Daddy, he won't get up" dragging him over to look at the baby. "Cause they're sleeping" stopping her hand from waking up his newborn. "Wake him up, I want to play with him" looking up at her father as she tried to sneak her hand back into the crib. "No, leave them" trying to drag her away only to be met with restraints from her as she held onto the side.

Gojo-

"The number after twelve" that's all you could hear, normally your son would never talk to himself, your daughter was asleep in your shared bedroom, your husband downstairs with you. And your son being left upstairs in the room closest to your bedroom..

"Baby, are you in my bedroom?" Walking up the stairs, leaving Satoru downstairs to fend for himself. Walking into your bedroom to find your eldest child sat in the crib putting stickers all over her new swaddle. Gasps erupted from your mouth as you saw her, fortunately she was fast asleep. Having no words to come out as you saw them, quickly picking up the toddler and putting him on the bed.

Toji-

"Eat baby" this is why he never left his daughter alone with younger children, she was so out of pocket. Trying to stuff a bottle of milk into the little boy's mouth. "Eat" the poor kid was crying his eyes out. Though from her perspective, he was just crying because he was hungry not in pain or anything like that. "Leave him alone." Sighing in response, out of the two of his children, his newborn son was one of the hardest to soothe. He could cry for hours on end before falling asleep from exhaustion. Grabbing the poor baby. "But he needs to eat" unwrapping the swaddle. "He's not a toy".

[copperbadge]

R and myself were talking recently about kids books, since little Baby U is starting to show an interest in books and reading, and I said I had some book recommendations because I started reading extremely young (around 18 months) and my parents, not knowing what to do with me, gave me weird fucked up books like Zag to read, and I loved them.

"what do you think of A Little Prince?" he asked.

"I'm not super objective about that one -- "

"Oh, do you love it too?"

"Ah...no, it's just below The Velveteen Rabbit in my list of children's books I truly hate."

"You hate The Velveteen Rabbit?!"

Someday I'm going to unpack exactly why I hate those two books in particular while being indifferent to books like The Giving Tree (I mostly was just sad that the end of the book involves confronting our inevitable aging and death, but not distraught the way a lot of kids apparently are about the poor tree). I can remember plodding through the endless twee prose of A Little Prince, with its tiny nightmare world and off-putting protagonists, and thinking the four year old equivalent of "who does this motherfucker think he is?" whenever the repeated cant of how horrible and unimaginative adults are came up yet again. But because I hated it so much as a small child I can't read it objectively, I'm just looking for new things to be mad about.

Ditto The Velveteen Rabbit, although my initial reaction to that one was mostly "This is a story about a boy whose only comfort object was taken from him and BURNED IN A PYRE after a traumatizing illness" so it's a little less esoteric. (Yes I know the bunny wasn't burned, but he doesn't.)

Anyway I'm not saying I'm an ideal grownup to be like but if you do want your kids to grow up with this particular flavor of weirdness, give your tiny readers Robert Tallon picture books and Jack Prelutsky poetry books and The Ox Cart Man and Three Days On A River In A Red Canoe. And Panda Cake if you can get your hands on a copy.

Maybe not the Babar books. They're beautiful and weird but the colonialism has not held up well.

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

This is how I think Astyanax would know react to being told what happened at Troy.

Context: Odysseus and Astyanax are trapped in Calypso's island. Unfortunetely, Zeus is bored, so he sends a message (maybe a letter? Maybe he just sends Hermes and call it a day?) to fuck things up a bit and mess with Odysseus. It works wonders. Nine years old Astyanax reacts poorly.

Here's what happens when Odysseus finds him after receiving the message.

The sun was about to set, filling the silence with the sound of the waves hitting the beach. Only Odysseus had the audacity to talk.

"My son..."

That wasn't welcome, not anymore.

"Am I?" Asked the boy. He was trembling, but not from the breeze. "Your son?"

For once, Calypso didn't try to insert herself in the conversation, even the chatty goddess was speechless.

"I always wondered, why we don't look alike at all? I was adopted, I knew, but I thought I was your nephew, even a cousin".

"Son..."

Odysseus was interrupted

"How can you call me that? My family, my whole country... it's gone, and it's your fault".

The man took a short breath.

"I'm not going to ask for forgiveness..."

"Good", Astyanax was done, "because there's no forgiving you. Tell me everything that happened, tell me about what went down that night".

He stared at the older man while he shook his head.

"Astyanax, save yourself that pain, the endless pain of the war shouldn't be a child's warden".

"But it is!" Bursted out the kid. "You decided to spare me on a whim!"

"That's not what happened."

"Then what?" A desperate question. "Am I a warprize?"

"Don't call yourself that." It was soft spoken, like a prayer.

Astyanax was no god.

"What am I supposed to think?"

Trying to descalate the situation, Calypso spoke.

"Maybe what your father is trying to say..."

Any other day, the goddess' inside was welcome, as she was Astyanax's friend. Today he was having none of it.

"SHUT UP NOBODY ASKED YOU-"

"HEY", Odysseus stopped him, "don't yell at her. You want to know what happened? Put your emotions aside, and sit with me by the fire".

They did so, and Odysseus told him. About the Trojan war, about ten years of slow killing, about the ressiliance of Troy. He told him about Achilles and Patroclus, about Paris and Helen.

He told the story of the wooden horse.

About longing to go home.

Diomedes led the charge. Agamemnon flanked the guards. Menelaus let the men through the gates. They took the whole city at large. Teucer will shot every ambush attack. And Little Ajax stayed back. Nestor secured Helen and protected her. Neo, avenged his father, killing the brothers of Hector.

About a mission, to kill someone's son, someone who wouldn't run, someone who could only be dealt with right there and then. About a baby in a cradle. About Zeus' prophecy. About him.

About someone who was just a man.

Troy fell.

The Ithacan fleet sailed, hoping to reach home.

They never did.

When he was done remembering the past, he looked at the boy, who was sitting at the other side of the flame, hands covering his face.

It took a long time for Astyanax to even look at him, let alone spoke up, but he finally did it.

"I don't know what to say." He confessed, bathed in the fire's light. "I hate you, I do, I'm so full of rage right now...but I love you, and I hate you so much. You should have killed me when you had the chance, why didn't you?"

The answer came easyly to Odysseus's lips.

"Mercy". He dared to say, the blasphemy of it haunting them, with only the fire and the waves as witnesses. "You haven't done anything, you were a child who had only known love. What was the point?"

"Zeus told you to do it. One should not defy the gods".

A dark laugh came from Odysseus, startling the kid

"That's all we have ever done since we met." Odysseus spoke the truth, and Astyanax hated him for it. "A god ordered a child's death. Where's my free will? Your right to a peaceful life? They're supposed to protect us...and look where we are now because of them."

Astyanax looked at him, right in the eyes, before saying his part.

"I hate you."

Odysseus sighed, tired, defeated.

"I know." Resigned.

"I have one more question."

Just one question? Odysseus would have give him anything he asked for. A question he could do.

"Go ahead."

Like a dreadful night, so many years ago, he thought he was ready. He wasn't ready.

"Do you even love me?"

Tears came to his eyes when the boy asked that question. How many times can a heart break until there's nothing left?

"How couldn't I? To love my children it's the easiest thing I've ever done."

Whatever was the veredict, he would take it, he owed Astyanax that much.

And then Astyanax got up. There was no emotions in his voice when he talked

"You are without doubt, a cruel man, Odysseus of Ithaca."

He walked away, letting a crying man behind.