#like they took the base characteristics of the group and got rid of all the stuff that made them good people

[swamp-mirage]

I just saw a trailer for Velma and I gotta say, capitalism is truly the end of innovation. The ONLY reason that show has the Scooby gang is because they're recognizable. Every character is completely different than their original. If they made the exact same show without changing anything except the characters it wouldn't change a single thing about it. The connection to Scooby Doo starts and ends with the characters and even then they changed everything about them but their name and basic designs. They're using popular characters to gain viewers while shitting all over the characters themselves. I'm just so tired of every popular piece of media being perverted and twisted just because of brand recognition. MAKE NEW CHARACTERS!!! YOU ALREADY BASICALLY DID JUST CHANGE THEIR NAME AND CLOTHES AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW THEYRE FROM SCOOBY DOO BECAUSE THEIR NAME AND CLOTHES ARE THE ONLY THING THEY KEPT!

[animequeen122]

A New Dream Chapter 2

                                               Chapter 2

             I psyched myself up got dressed and headed towards the kitchen. Thankfully I knew where it was not only from watching the show but from the noises coming from one location. I couldn’t help but smiles. Despite being transported to the One Piece world and having my whole image changed, I was happy. I love this world and the people in it. So I entered the kitchen with a very big smile on my face.

             “Sam darling here take a seat.” Sanji says trying his best to be a sauve gentleman.

             “Thank you.” I reply getting comfortable. I look around the room to the faces of the crew. It was so unreal to see them all in the flesh. Brook does get up and walk over to me.

             “No Brook. You cannot see them.” I say before he gets to me.

             “But I didn’t say anything.” He replied looking heartbroken.

             “Remember when I said I know everything? I know what you say to girls and more often to Nami. So no.” I remind him. Brook than sits in the corner with a cloud of sadness around him. The rest of the crew began to laugh. It was so infectious that I joined in. It felt so good to just laugh after everything. They begin to stop laughing as Sanji starts handing food to Nami, Robin, and myself.

             “Tell us more about yourself.” Robin says picking up her wine. I take a bit of the food and can’t help but sigh in happiness. The food always looked so good on tv but it tastes even better in real life?

             “My name is Sam and I am 27? My birthday in my world is March 30th but I don’t know what day it is. I am one of four kids, all girls.” I say taking another bite of food and taking a sip of wine.

             “Must have been tough on your old man.” Franky said before chugging some cola.

             “If it was he never said anything about it. Dad loves us and is happy he had daughters.” I say trying to not sound mean.

             “Why do you like Zoro so much?” Luffy says with a mouthful of food. The whole room goes silent again. I feel my face getting red again. Goddamn it Luffy! Why did you have to ask that question.

             “Don’t ask the lady a stupid question.” Sanji said kicking Luffy on top of his head. I put my hands in my lap and just looked at them. I was never good with facing my feelings or the people I have feelings for. I am awkward and just stop talking. Besides Zoro, based on what I have seen, is probably not interested in a relationship. There are so many things he wants to do. One of which is to make Luffy the king of the pirates. But I couldn’t help having a little bit of hope. I was in a different body in this strange world, maybe there was a chance.

             “You don’t have to answer that right now, Sam.” Nami says also punching Luffy on the head. I couldn’t help but think I was going to have to answer her later.

             “I like all of you. For different reason. Jimbei is my second favorite because of what you have done for Luffy.” I cheerfully say smiling at him.

             “Thank you for your kind words but I only did what I thought was right.” Jimbei states proudly bowing his head a bit.

             “Still that whole battle showed me good characteristic of people as well as bad. It still makes me sad thinking about what was lost.” I reply with sadness filling my voice. I felt tears begin to form as I remembered Ace and Whitebeard dying because of Blackbeard. Thinking of Blackbeard I began to get angry. No pissed is the better word. If only Whitebeard turned him away everyone would be alive. But at the same time I have this feeling that things would have been different and not in a good way. I sigh. This world is harsh.

             “Are you okay Sam?” Chopper asked looking concern.

             “Yeah it just has been so much. I feel happy and sad.” I truthfully say picking back up my fork to start eating again.

             “I have a favor to ask.” I ask having finished my meal.

             “What do you need?” Luffy ask sounding kind of serious. I had everyone’s attention so I might as well ask. What is the worst that can happen? Though I hated asking anything of anyone. I felt that I was being selfish whenever I would ask, but that wasn’t true. By me not asking I would get stepped on. I was not going to let myself be like the old me. No one was going to take this away from me.

             “Since my body has changed I wanted to see if anything else changed. Normally I am not very strong plus I was kind of hoping that I ate a Devil Fruit.” I laugh. It sounded so stupid but what if. I always thought if I could live in this world I would have eaten a Devil Fruit.

             “I don’t see why not. Hey Zoro bring down some weights.” Luffy says getting up. I quickly follow the group to the deck of the Sunny. Zoro had grabbed some of his smaller weights which were still bigger than anything I had ever lifted. In my old world I was only able to life up a 15 lbs weight. I was kind of already regretting this decision. No I was not going to back down. Not now and never again.

             I walk over to the smallest weight, again not that small. Everyone was looking at me seeing what I would do. I took in a deep breath and reached for the weight. Grasping the metal bar in my hand I start lifting. To my surprise it did not feel heavy. I managed with ease to lift the weight over my head. I set the weight back down and took a step back.

             “Well.” I say looking very much shocked. I just lifted a weight that I never could have from my old world. I look at my hands thinking what the fuck am I now. It seems that with this new body there were more possibilities to me now.

             “I am guessing from your expression that that was not normal.” Robin calmly states while everyone else is looking different modes of shock.

             “Absolutely not. I could barely life weights and suddenly I can lift Zoro’s? Something happened and I don’t know what that was.” I reply trying to think of what could have one transported me to this world and two gave me this body. I wonder what else it could have given me.

           “There does seem to a mysterious force at work.” Robin commented.

             “You guys are surprised by that? Why this one time…” Usopp started to say but I cut him off.

             “Not now Usopp.” Usopp looked like I had just kicked his puppy. I was not in the mood for one of his lies or stories. I have been taken from my home and given an entirely new body. I was freaking out. Plus Zoro is real! My heart cannot handle that fact.

             “Sam you’re getting red again.” Chopper pointed at my face.

             “It’s nothing Chopper. I am fine.” I told him trying to think of anything to get rid of my blush. Nami looked at the sky and got a very concerned look on her face.

             “Guys there is bad storm coming our way. We will have to see if you have a Devil fruit power later Sam.” Nami told me. I nodded and started to head inside when something knocked into the Sunny. Everyone stopped and went over to the rail to see what it was. I stood next to Zoro not because I wanted to but because that was how we were walking to the cabin. Once again the boat rocked really hard. I was leaning too far over and fell. I hit the water and it was like all my energy was taken away. ‘It looks like I have devil fruit powers’ I thought as I slowly sank to the bottom of the ocean. The short air I had swallowed was gone and soon darkness began to block my vision. Just before I blacked out I saw a figure swimming towards me. Before they reached me I blacked out.

Editor’s note: This is the second chapter. The first chapter is better but I still like this one too. This may be a slow update as I write when I am inspired. So I hope you are patient with me. But I promise to do the best I can! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

[lily-blue]

CODE Z3RO | CODE 06

characters: BTS & Red Velvet genre: thriller, futuristic au warning: death summary: The twelve most ambitious and promising university students are welcomed in Choego, the world’s first entirely artificial intelligence-driven city, to compete for five job contracts that could change their life. But what if something goes wrong? What if they get trapped? What if the city suddenly turns against them? Can they find a way out before the countdown reaches zero? words: 4,3K tagged: @philosopher-of-fandoms​

➼ Chapter Index

In the blinding light of the rising Sun, Park Jimin and Jung Hoseok were walking towards the bridge that separated Choego from the nearest city along South-Korea’s western coast, the one and only exit route from the artificial funhouse where they had been trapped inside. They were tamed lions roaring on a deep red podium, animals that meant nothing in the human eye and it made the younger man’s blood boil hence even without Kim Taehyung being around, the atmosphere that embraced them was cold and kind of suffocating. 

‘Aish!’ Jimin mumbled under his nose when the recorded voice on the other side of the call once again informed him about the weak or nonexistent signal and the fact that he was unable to reach the other party until it stayed unstable. His long fingers clenched around the useless device with anger as his knuckles changed their colours from tanned to pale white. The young heir hated nothing more than to be powerless therefore he refused to give up. Taking a deep breath, he dialed his father’s number for the fifth time within the last twenty minutes.

‘What’s wrong?’ Hoseok asked when the engineer let out a frustrated sigh, swallowing back an inappropriate scream that truly scratched his throat now that even his battery was ready to laugh at his face, a few percents from the verge of ultimate death. When the older’s worried question eventually reached the back of his mind, he wanted to kick into his phone, throwing it onto the ground or simply drop it into the first trash can, they might have found in their way to the port. For a passing moment, he wanted to get rid of it so badly to show his superiority over the tool that he almost did throw it metres away but he yearned for the outer world and his mobile data way too desperately therefore he shoved it into his pocket instead. He was willing to give it another try once he managed to calm his tense nerves down.

‘There’s no signal therefore I can’t reach my father nor Miss Raina. This shit really drives me crazy,’ he admitted, not wasting his energy on turning towards the Sociology major who walked a few steps behind him with his gaze fixed on the back of his head.

As it usually happened when people didn’t share common interests nor significant personal traits, the boys were stuck in silence and spent the next twenty minutes with their own thoughts, awkward and wordless.

‘Is he…’ a weak voice spoke up, slowly fading into nothingness as its owner had lost his initial confidence. Park Jimin cleared his throat then stopped and forced his company to do the same as he lifted up his left arm, stretching his fingers wide and putting his palm onto Hoseok’s chest. For a few seconds, they looked at each other firmly, on Hoseok’s part, a slightly confused, before Jimin would have opened his mouth. ‘Well, you know. Is Seokjin really dead? Are you sure, it wasn’t just a cheap trick or something? Maybe they knew it all along. Maybe they assumed that we’ll try to hack the cameras and they prepared for it in advance with believable footages,’ he said and Hoseok had to admit that regardless of the desperation in his voice, the boy’s reasoning sounded pretty logical. The scientists, who had been working on the breadth and depth of this research for long months if not years, were ones of the smartest brains in the world. They must have known how risky the human variable could be. They must have been prepared for everything.

Yet, all he could force through his lips was ‘It did seem believable… those bloody tears and his body frozen in agony.’

Swallowing an unpleasant remark, Jimin let go of the Sociology major and fished his phone out of his pocket to keep his mind busy before it could have gone into overdrive. He didn’t want to think of the possibility of Seokjin being dead. It was too awful and frightening. 

So they took the remaining distance without talking which meant another ten minutes in utter silence. The only sound that filled the atmosphere was the younger’s frustrated sigh that left his mouth whenever he failed to reach his father or his decorated secretary. As he clenched his teeth, he couldn’t wait to leave this awful place behind and complain about this simulation to his friends via social media. He had an enormous follower base - handsome chaebols like him were the newest sensation in the industry because young and poor people liked them almost as much as they liked talented actors and idols - and he was so ready to use them, the public to expose how poorly this company treated their candidates. They had clearly no idea whom they had been picking on. 

‘What do you think, what happens when someone tries to invade a zone that had been already shut down entirely?’ Hoseok asked seemingly out of the blue although as soon as Jimin lifted his head, he could see the older staring at a thick, white panel on the concrete. It was nothing dangerous, but it did make them halt a few centimetres from the transparent border.

‘Dunno,’ he answered honestly, scratching his nape. According to that not-so-useful map they had found in the computer room with Yoongi, the bridge was on the opposite side of the city which they planned to reach by following the river and then the seashore. Since this damned, artificial city wasn’t on any available online map nor their phones were functioning to begin with, they could have gotten lost in Choego easily in any other way. It was time-consuming but rational. It was their best shot.

Therefore Jimin took the first step towards the abandoned zone and looked at his company from above his shoulder with a smug smile, showing off his bravery.

‘Let’s find out,’ he said and made his features look firmer as he clenched his lips and speeded up his pace. The younger boy walked with confidence regardless of his jittery heart that crashed into his rib cage screaming, begging him to think it over one last time. Because deep down he wasn’t entirely sure that the researchers were indeed clever enough to think about every possible hardship that their project might have faced with in the final phase. Though, he wasn’t a coward and didn’t intend to reveal his fear to someone as lame as Hoseok. He had pride, he was better than that.

‘Be careful,’ the Sociology major asked him quietly but Jimin just shushed him with a scoff and kept going.

The closer his feet got to the panel, the more uneven his breathing became and it was insane, he knew it, but he couldn’t help. He didn’t want to share the same fate as Seokjin if he had indeed died. On the other hand, even the idea of a bunch of creepy scientists in their stupid white coats watching them bleed out in a gas cabin was absurd. Killing a man in daylight during a live stream. How insane it was.

With his heart in his throat, he stepped on the thick line. Nothing happened.

‘See? Everything is just fine. I told you,’ he said with a victorious smile as he waved with his right hand, encouraging Hoseok to follow him towards the sea. Truth to tell, he couldn’t have recalled another time when he’d felt this relieved before and suddenly he felt stupid to feel uneasy and think about death in a city like Choego. Although there were lots of things the researchers needed to upgrade like the shitty signal, this place was the future. ‘Damn. I bet, Seokjin’s already drinking his consolation morning coffee with the researchers somewhere in the headquarter. Dead bodies, my as—’

With the next careless step, Jimin fell on the ground mid-sentence.

‘Hey! What’s wrong? Jimin, what’s happening?’ Hoseok screamed at him as the first wave of shock had washed over him and his frozen body. He ran to the guy paying attention at the white panel then sat on his heels within an inch from the boy whose body was slightly shaking and whose skin seemed surprisingly red like roasted meat. The characteristic smell of his favourite bacon burger made him feel queasy hence he had to lift his hand and held back his breath.

He looked at the occasionally trembling body for long minutes before he dared to touch him with the sleeve of his jacket. He felt hot even through the thick material.

‘Dude, it’s not funny. Open your eyes, you hear me?’ he begged fighting his tears but his voice was faint, barely audible as he stood up and took a few unsteady steps backwards. When the realization finally hit him - that Jimin was dead and there was no way out -, he stumbled and fell. He wished, the physical pain had been the only thing he could have felt. But the dread was stronger and almost unbearable.

‘Shit…’ 

By the time Hoseok got back to the hospital, the rest of the team was nowhere to be found therefore he ran across the park that separated the abandoned building from the research centre and rushed inside, not caring about the cap that fell out of his pocket due to his hasty movements. He looked for familiar faces on every floor but fifteen minutes later when he eventually gave up and walked out of the electrical door, he was still on his own.

Lungs burning because of overexertion, the Sociology major was on the verge of fainting when a few corners from the green area his gaze shifted from the enormous buildings to a small group of moving shadows. The boy was panting heavily, his clothes soaked in sweat, but he scolded his tired limbs and kept going.

‘Guys, wait! Please, slow down!’ he shouted as soon as he was close enough to be heard, relief invading his aching body as a few people halted upon his plea.

Hoseok almost fell onto his knees when his shaky legs stopped a few inches from Wendy, tears brimming his puffy eyes. Scanning all the remaining members of the team, a part of him couldn’t believe that he had indeed managed to find them before another tragical accident would have taken place in the monstrous city, though they were all alive. Thankful, he gave in to the growing pain and kneeled on the ground.

‘What are you doing here, dumbass? I thought that you’re too noble to team up with a jerk like me. Did you finally realize that you’re nothing better than a dog on your own? All bark, no bite,’ Taehyung asked with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking down on the grown up crybaby both literally and in a figurative sense as he took a firm step forwards.

Hoseok snapped his head at the boy, lips clenched and palms in trembling fists by his sides. No one said a word.

‘Shut up, you asshole or else…’ he started angrily, eyes boring deep into the other boy’s spiteful eyes. He wanted to prove him and everyone else wrong so bad yet his weak threat got cut off by a mocking retort that had meant to be provocative.

‘Or else?’ Taehyung asked with his left brow in the middle of his forehead, words being cruel on purpose, malice clinging onto them tightly the same way leeches would have clung onto a lively human body. The lopsided smile that took shape on his attractive mouth sent a jolt down Hoseok’s spine. It was cold and terrifying.

A few ephemeral seconds later it was Namjoon who first noticed the young chaebol’s obvious absence or who had enough guts to voice out the question that had invaded everyone’s mind. 

‘Where’s Jimin?’ he asked as his long fingers found his girlfriend’s sweaty palm and taking a firm step ahead, his body shielded Wendy from the upcoming storm. Rationally thinking, he knew that he wasn’t strong enough to protect the girl if all hell had broken loose but it didn’t meant that he couldn’t have tried. He was ready to take a few punches if needed thus he absolutely refused to let the girl go even though he was aware of her independent strength. Aish. How much he hated the heated tension between Taehyung and everyone with actual thoughts.

‘Considering this one’s low IQ level and serious lack of essential social skills such as humour, he might bored him to death,’ Taehyung mused out, poking at the said boy who rocked himself back and forth on the ground, murmuring incoherent words under his nose. He seemed so out of it as if he had been in a completely different place and those who were familiar with the common patterns of human behaviour knew that something terrible must have happened. Otherwise Hoseok would have stood up and have screamed at Taehyung’s face for being so annoyingly cocky.

‘He died but it wasn’t my fault. I swear, it wasn’t me,’ he cried out when the silence became too suffocating and vivid memories of Jimin’s roasted body came back to haunt the one and only witness of the accident. Looking at his own shoes, Hoseok couldn’t stop his warm tears from running down his crimson cheeks.

‘See?’ Taehyung asked, mocking, when to his biggest surprise, the Sociology major’s words were followed by nothing but barely audible whispers and a few frustrated sighs. Walking beside Hoseok, he sat on his heels, wondering whether the others had truly believed his story. Had they really thought that this shaking idiot was innocent regardless of his claim about Jimin being dead? Were they really stupid and naive enough to let him stay? It was utterly ridiculous.

The Marketing major was about to voice out his opinion when Yoongi elbowed his way through the mass.

‘Okay, everybody, calm down!’ he said and his steps made a halt a few inches from Taehyung who looked up at him with a frown. To his mishap, the IT guy seemed unbothered by his behaviour. He kept his eyes strictly on Hoseok. ‘What happened?’

The addressed boy snuffed and wiped his tears off his cheeks.

‘In one minute, we walked towards the bridge, more than ready to leave this hell behind for good. In the other, he walked across a transparent field and died. His whole body was shaking due to the electricity and that smell. He smelled like roasted beef,’ he told the older weakly with slightly shaking hands, gaze fixed on the concrete because he couldn’t look neither of his teammates in the eye. Thinking of the chaebol felt painful even though they hadn’t been friends just unlucky acquaintances and the fact that he had to enlighten them didn’t make his life easier. He had long regretted not rejecting this opportunity when his girlfriend hadn’t been accepted by the company. He should have stayed with her and then now he would have melted in her gentle arms instead of him wrapping his own around his figure. 

‘Splendid! Who the hell thought that it’s a good idea to set up an electric fencing system in the middle of the city? Are they completely nuts?’ Taehyung snorted as he stood up and turned around. He was pretty disappointed when he scanned everyone yet failed to find someone who could have shared his anger.

‘At least their security system is well-designed and lethal. Choego is promised to be the safest place on Earth for a reason,’ the boy with the dark brown locks said, earning another snort with his irritating comment. Jungkook hid behind Wendy and scratched his nape out of uneasiness when his gaze met Taehyung’s. Obviously, he hadn’t meant that building deadly electrical systems was right but blaming the scientist for everything might have been a bit too much. If someone had attacked the city, these fences would have been useful. They hadn’t been set up to mean harm, not for them at least.

‘Safest place, my butt! I need to take a breather,’ the Marketing major said and turned on his heels walking towards the fountain in the middle of the park with markedly furious steps. He didn’t give a damn when Yoongi raised his voice, giving him a brief time limit for everybody’s sake. He didn’t want to take unnecessary risks just because of some cocky idiot who couldn’t keep his emotions - especially his anger - in control. At this point, he would have turned his back on him and kept searching for a possible way out without guilt.

‘Sure but be quick. According to the pattern, they shut down a zone in every hour which means we have to reach the main computer as soon as possible since we don’t know the order. This zone might be the next.’

Regardless of the distance between them Taehyung couldn’t let the opportunity go and looked back at the bunch of losers from above his shoulder with a smug smile on his lips.

‘Or the one we plan to run into, completely blind,’ he said eager to see their reaction, a pinch of anxiety that could have eased his heart. His gaze shifted from Yoongi to Hoseok then to Yerim who had a hard time finding her balance without his overprotecting brother, shoulder leaning against Wendy desperately. Taehyung smirked. Hell, this was the response he had been waiting for ever since the Sociology major’s sudden appearance. Something alive, something human under the seemingly balanced surface.

‘Could you shut up for once?’ the redhead girl asked with anger although the boy didn’t bother with an answer. He shrugged and walked away.

Wendy pulled the youngest closer and fondled her left arm to soothe her nerves at least a little after the enormous amount of shock that she had received during the last few hours. Truth to tell, the med student wasn’t sure that Yerim would be able to process the pain in the near future or ever. If Namjoon had been the one who stuck in the lab and she’d had to watch him bleed out, she wouldn’t have been able to move on not to mention dealing with the hardships, Taehyung constantly maintained with his pessimistic attitude. 

‘Although, he’s not wrong,’ Yoongi had to admit, his statement pushing Hoseok to his limits. The Sociology major’s gaze became blurry while his skin shifted to an unhealthy shade of light green.

‘I think, I’ll throw up,’ he said and not long after he indeed puked a few inches from the IT guy’s boots. After a while, when he vomited enough for his stomach to be empty, all he was doing is retching and spitting up bile.

‘Don’t worry. We’re safe for now,’ Seulgi said quietly earning a confused glance from Yoongi when Wendy pushed him farther and vehemently sat on her heels by the trembling boy’s side with a bottle of lukewarm water in her hands.

Joohyun leaned against a pole, muscles tense and mind in pain from overthinking, while her gaze shifted to Jungkook who sat next to the sobbing Yerim quietly. As far as she could remember, this was the first time the boy acted considerate in the young girl’s presence ever since they had crossed the border of Choego, offering her a tissue and a bottle of water that she accepted with a forced smile and a quiet thank you. They looked lovely but watching them felt surreal and out of place all of a sudden considering the loss their team had suffered. Slowly but surely she had to accept that it wasn’t a silly game anymore. It was very much real, the death, even if some of them still believed in fairytales. 

‘Don’t you think that his story is too good to be true?’ an amused voice asked her a bit mockingly and her shoulders jumped at the suggesting question. There was no need for her to turn towards its owner, by now she would have recognised Taehyung’s raspy tone out of a dozen of other voices since he talked too much and never once held back his opinion. 

The girl raised a brow.

‘What’s so good about it? That Jimin is dead?’ she asked back as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to keep her nonexistent cool as she refused to look at the disturber. Yet, it didn’t restrain the boy from taking a step forwards, his chest fitting close to the girl’s back. Taehyung leaned near Joohyun’s ear and whispered into it while he looked at the same direction, letting his warm breath to fondle the girl’s smooth skin on purpose. He wanted to make her feel uncomfortable because people in general were weaker and easier to manipulate when they were pushed out of their comfort zone.

‘That he’s out of the game,’ he stated with a content smile and stepped next to the girl, remaining within a close proximity. He chose his words carefully just in case someone had been watching them from the shadows although he doubted, anyone would have had enough time to kill with such an act. The smartass IT guy was busy with taking Seokjin’s place, Hoseok was still throwing up with Wendy by his side and her monkey at her heels while the little girl cried her eyes out like a pathetic child and Golden Boy gave in for his guilt, comforting her after pushing her brother into a grim reaper’s welcoming arms. Oh, and Miss Invisible stuck with being a ghost.

‘What do you want to say with this? That Hoseok killed him on purpose just to get one of those freaking contracts?’ Joohyun asked facing the boy with the devilish smile. He looked handsome in some ways she had to give it to him but his attitude was the one that pecked the girl’s interest. He acted like an annoying douchebag, a cruel one without an actual human soul from chlicé, young adult bestsellers who didn’t care about anyone except for himself and of course the mysteriously innocent love of his life. Yet, he had taken the energy to talk to her dropping the smug attitude and the offensive act. If she hadn’t taken the topic they had been discussing into consideration, he would have sounded friendly as if he had had enough of being the only person in their group without an ally. As an excellent psychology major, she could understand his reasons. People couldn’t be without company for long. It was against their nature. Everyone needed someone, something to talk to.

‘Why not? Do you really believe his story about that accident? The Rich Guy wouldn’t have been so stupid to walk into a dead zone carelessly,’ he stated with confidence and for a sheer moment, he sounded persuasive enough for the girl to keep her mouth shut. She raised a brow and shifted her gaze to Hoseok in the distance still shaking from the huge amount of bile he had splitted on the concrete. He looked harmless like a big crybaby who was too weak to even survive on his own. The assumption that he had killed someone was ridiculous. But weren’t the most innocent looking people the most dangerous ones? They had the ability to hurt others because in their company no one expected to get hurt.

Joohyun shook her head. No, it was still nonsense. She couldn’t let Taehyung to conquer her thoughts. 

‘We’re not murderers. You’re insane,’ she said firmly, a part of her ready to turn her back on the boy yet his firm grab stopped her from doing anything hasty. She looked at him, eyes boring deep into his, and clenched her lips, the rosy flesh slowly fading into a single, white line.

‘Don’t talk to me so mighty. I saw you smiling with pure satisfaction after you got that lamp out of the door’s way. You walked away with Sooyoung’s bracelet in your hand,’ Taehyung claimed before he let go of the girl’s wrist and took a step closer. He stood in front of Joohyun within such a small proximity, the girl’s heart skipped a beat when his breath fondled her cheek. The boy tilted his head towards the youngsters and smirked like a wild animal, a predator eyeing his prey. ‘You also let everyone put the blame on Golden Boy when in reality, it was you who killed that annoying girl.’

Joohyun’s legs trembled and became wobbly when she tried to stretch the distance between herself and the boy and also between herself and the crime, she had indeed committed. But back then she hadn’t known that her selfish actions would have caused the mentioned girl’s death. She hadn’t have the slightest clue. She wouldn’t have done it if she had known. She wasn’t a murderer, was she? 

With panic in her eyes and fear clinging onto her voice, her shoulder crashed into the pole, chest bouncing like crazy. She hadn’t put the blame on Jungkook intentionally, it had just happened. Why would have she corrected the others when the boy himself thought that it had been all his fault? Why would have given a reason for the others to despise her? Why? It made no sense, all she had done was thinking rationally. It didn’t matter who had left the rich girl behind, she had been already dead. Honesty wouldn’t have brought her back.

‘What do you want?’ she asked, weak, on the verge of a panic attack. Taehyung took a step backwards to let her breathe. Such a nuisance. 

‘The same as you. One of those freaking contracts as you said,’ he informed the girl with his gaze on her fragile figure. Well, he obviously hadn’t assumed that his words would push her towards the edge. Yet, he kept going. ‘And darling, there is no such thing as too high price for it.’

With that, he walked away, not giving a damn about Joohyun who had to hold onto the pole and go on her knees to set herself free from the burdens of suffocation. She counted to ten, to thirty, to one hundred. She counted until her breathing became even and Yoongi’s well-calculated plans put an end to their compulsive break.

➼  VII. chapter

[iohourtime]

Moeyo Ken (Burn! O Sword) - Novel Recap 2

This is the second part of the recap of Moeyo Ken, which will be adapted into a 2020 movie directed by Harada Masato. I will talk about the characters as they were described in the novel in more detail. If you want to learn more about the background of the novel and a brief description of the plot, please click here for the first post. This post will have spoilers.

The Characters

I am going to go with this order instead of the order of the cast list: Oyuki (Shibasaki Kou), Serizawa Kamo (Ito Hideaki), Hijikata Toshizo (Okada Junichi), Kondo Isami (Suzuki Ryohei), and Okita Souji (Yamada Ryosuke).

Oyuki

She was an original character created by Shiba to serve as the love of Hijikata’s life. Historically, there were no records of Hijikata forming deep attachments with any women. She followed her late samurai husband from Edo to Kyoto to learn to paint, so when he died, she continued to live there. Hijikata literally stumbled into her small apartment after a fight and fell in love immediately, but he treated her with respect (i.e. he didn’t immediately try to sleep with her). He viewed her as more than his wife1 and even took 2 days off to spend some time with her. (The man never took time off.) She was strong willed, kind and loved Hijikata, but that was pretty much her whole storyline. Based on filming reports, it seems like Harada is bringing her character into the story much earlier than the novel, and she's number two on the cast list, so maybe she has a bigger role in the movie.

Serizawa Kamo

He was the first commander of the Shinsengumi. Serizawa Kamo was not his real name and there were rumours that he was hiding from something. Kamo means duck, actually, which was an odd choice. Anyway, although his gang occupied key positions within the group, Hijikata made sure the real operational power rested with the Vice Commander and the team leaders, which were mostly filled with Kondo’s gang. Hijikata also asked Kondo to play a fool in front of Serizawa's gang so they wouldn't suspect the eventual coup.

Serizawa was crude and petty. One time, he killed a sumo wrestler because the guy took his preferred spot or something petty like that. He also fired a canon at a rich family's mansion to get protection money from them. The Bakufu was horrified and secretly told Kondo and Hijikata to get rid of him, not that they weren’t already plotting to do so. Okita once made a strange comment2 about how Serizawa might be the most “innocent” of them all, and director Harada said he wanted to explore that in the movie. I don’t know what to make of it since Serizawa was portrayed as a brute in both novels. Perhaps Okita meant he had no agenda? I don’t know. That Souji was a strange boy.

Anyway, Kondo’s faction made one of Serizawa’s right-hand man commit seppuku for failing the bushido. This move weakened Serizawa's faction and although he was angry, he did nothing to retaliate or protect himself. On the night of Serizawa's assassination, the kill squad disguised themselves as ronin and surprised Serizawa when he was being amorous with his mistress. They also killed anyone who might recognize then. After Serizawa’s death, the other 3 members were either killed in a fight or forced to commit seppuku.

The Trio

The Shinsengumi was really controlled by Kondo and Hijikata, though no one wanted to admit it. Since Okita had them wrapped around his little fingers, he was the big boss! (Kidding 😁) Taking both novels into account, I think Kondo was the face of the group, Hijikata was the guy who got things done, and Okita was the guy who knew everything including gossips, but only dropped cryptic hints when it was warranted.

Warning: major spoilers coming up.

Hijikata Toshizo

Hijikata Toshizo started off as an aimless punk (a baragaki) who dreamed of becoming a samurai. He even wore his hair pseudo samurai style, which was not what farmers did back then. He was rather handsome with cool and refreshing eyes and women loved him. He loved to sleep with women who he perceived to be above his social status. The first few pages of the novel were rather shocking to my modern sensibilities - his conquering of this priest’s daughter was straight up rapey, even though the reader was reminded that it was how things were back in those days and the girl subconsciously expected him to drop by or some $hit like that. I don't know why Shiba put in this fictional detail because it's unnecessary to the plot. Even if it presented a contrast to the man he eventually became, it's not like Toshizo didn't already do a lot of questionable things early on. Perhaps he hated Toshizo? 😅

Anyway, he started an affair with a woman with status he met during a temple (sex) festival3. Unfortunately, when he got caught sneaking out of her room one night, he accidentally killed a well known swordsman. This incident drove the story in the Hino arc as Shichiri, a member of a rival dojo, seeked justice for the dead (really an excuse to get rid of a business rival). Toshizo got into a few battles of wits & strength with Shichiri, through which we learned that despite Toshizo being a farm boy, he was a natural born strategist who specialized in guerilla warfare.

The Shinsengumi gave Toshizo a life purpose and allowed him to show off his organisational management skills. At that time in Japan, military and police organizations assigned two people doing the same job. Toshizo recognized the inefficiency in the structure, especially if they needed to mobilize quickly, so he borrowed from the French army and introduced this revolutionary idea of having only one person in each position and splitting up the group into teams with different responsibilities that report up to an executive branch. Yes, it sounded logical now but it was radical back then! The most important thing was that he transferred the real power to the vice commander level.

Toshizo was gruff, undiplomatic, and ruthless in achieving his goals. He did come up with the harsh Shinsengumi code after all. In fact, Souji once told him that the Shinsengumi members kind of hated him. Even Souji hated him for a minute because of Yamanami. But as Toshizo told Souji afterwards, he chose to be hated. He just wanted Shinsengumi to become a force to behold and for Kondo to succeed as its leader, so he took on the bad guy disciplinary role in order that the members would continue to love and admire Kondo.

Toshizo also hated the academic type, so he butted heads with Yamanami and Ito. His distaste and distrust were partly born out of his own lack of education. He felt that educated people only knew how to talk theory and kiss ass, and they impeded his ability to do real work. (And jealousy?)

In the battle of Toba-Fushimi, even though the Bakufu suffered a huge loss, Hijikata’s squad was the only one that managed to do some damage against the modern Western artillery. The Bakufu started to notice Hijikata’s military prowess and eventually made him a vice commander in the army. He really came into his own in the northern arc after Kondo was gone.

The continuous battles and deaths really took a toll on Toshizo. Earlier in the novel, while strolling with Souji, he said he liked spring. Souji commented that people who liked spring tend to place their hopes and dreams in tomorrow. Yet in Toshizo’s final days, he told one of his underlings that he only fought for today. In one memorable scene before the final battle, he saw the spirits of his friends in his room. They all looked tired to him. Knowing it was time to end so everyone could rest, he sent his page Ichimura Tetsunosuke4 and Saito Hajime away on missions, saving their lives so they could pass on the stories of the fallen brothers. For Toshizo, instead of surrendering, he chose to face his enemies head on - fighting for the Shinsengumi and going out in a blaze. He was killed by a bullet5.

As Shiba himself said, Kondo was a hero during the peaceful times, but Hijikata was a hero during chaos. As much as the Shinsengumi was born in the wrong time, Toshizo was in his element. I'll let Toshizo himself summarize his world view with what he told Souji:

_"This is a sword. A sword is made by a craftsman to kill. The sword's characteristic and purpose are both simple. It's just like the military strategy books describe, its only purpose is to defeat the event. But look, look at the pure beauty. A sword is more beautiful than a beautiful woman. When I see beautiful women in front of me, I won't feel nervous. The beauty possessed by a sword could melt the stone heart of a man, and took a strong hold of him. That's why our purpose needs to be pure, our thoughts need to be pure. The Shinsengumi can only exist for this integrity. Souji, for me, no matter how the world changers, or whether Bakufu admit defeat and surrender, if I have a single breathe left, I'll persevere. Can I waver like Kondo? Up to now, I've covered my hands with blood to protect Shinsengumi. Serizawa, Yamanami, Ito… they all did by my hands. Why did I kill them? When they died, they were all facing death without wavering. If I waver now, then how do I face them in the afterlife? The journey of a man - is to create beauty, my own beauty. This is what I firmly believe." _(A very dude thing to say. 😏)

Kondo Isami

Kondo Isami was Toshizo's best buddy, or “sworn brother”. He was the fourth master of TRR. According to other people's description, he was a true leader, easygoing and generally loved by the squad. I didn't see any incident in the novel that supported that except for his command over the Ikedaya mission and what others said about him.

He was an uneducated farmer, so he loved hanging out with the educated people, yet he got jealous of them when they became more popular than him. Unfortunately, he was also very susceptible to flattery, so he tended to keep sycophants around him. Once he got a taste of success, he started politicking with the Bakufu, keeping mistresses and dressing above his station, and was quite concerned about status. So perhaps he would have been a good leader in peaceful times, he really came apart when things turned, making bad decision after decision. In other words, I kinda hated this novel's version of him. (I think he's normally portrayed in better light. 😅) Actually, I think Shiba disliked him too, as his depiction in both novels were not flattering. He was basically a fool who thought he was clever. Again, this may not be how he was in real life.

While Kondo might seem like a forthcoming guy, remember how he conned Serizawa's gang into believing he was weak and foolish. He also fooled Ito by pretending to become Tobaku, when he was just trying to get him drunk enough to be assassinated by Hijikata's team.

As the Shinsengumi grew, Kondo and Toshizo's vision started to diverge. Kondo cared more about becoming a daimyo (a feudal lord with land) while Toshizo wanted to expand. Kondo was so blinded by the land the Bakufu promised that he didn't realize they were going on a hopeless mission to take Koshu. In the end, Kondo and Toshizo parted ways in Nagareyama due to ideological differences: Kondo wanted to surrender and Toshizo tried to get Kondo to go with him.

Toshizo: When we were on the rise, you were such a great leader; now that we were going down, you changed and no longer want your dream.

Kondo: That's right. I don't want to be remembered as a traitor. I'm not like you. I understand the meaning of greater good.

Toshizo: The power structure changes with time, but isn't surrendering shameful for a man? Win or lose, it's not important. As a man, it's most important to follow one's dreams or die trying.

Kondo: For me, it's more important to follow the right path. Even though we had been comrades in battle forever, did we ever really had a common goal? Let's go our separate ways now.

Toshizo: I don't care. You're coming with me.

Kondo: Thanks for being there for me, but Toshi, please set me free. You built Shinsengumi and made me the commander, but looking back, the Kondo Isami then didn't feel like me. Let me go.

With that, Kondo left. Toshizo didn't chase after him but vowed to keep pursuing his dream. Shortly after, Kondo was captured and executed by the new government. So for someone who was concerned about his name, it was a sad way to go.

Okita Souji

Okita Souji was one of the youngest members of Shinsengumi. He was technically Toshizo’s senpai at TRR since he started learning kenjutsu at the age of 9. He first showed up in the novel when Kondo asked him to investigate Shichiri's dojo. Here was what Shiba casually mentioned in the first 4 pages he appeared.

“Okita bit down on his cute lips and grinned” [while telling Toshizi he was dumb].

“This young man of around 20 looked quite handsome in this outfit” [thought Toshizo].

“Okita was very well spoken due to his good upbringing and he also had a face as beautiful as that of an irokoshou*”, [Toshizo thought as he watched Souji greet the enemy].

_* A koshou refers to a page for a general. They are typically younger boys (15 or so) and were sort of like their personal assistants. An irokoshou was the type of page that also serviced the general sexually… so they tend to be extremely beautiful. _

So, Shiba really wanted the readers to know how good looking Souji was above all else. The novel likely solidified Okita Souji’s short, pretty boy image6 in popular media for decades.

Souji was said to be very innocent, childlike, and polite. When he wasn't working, you could find him playing with children who lived near Mibu Dera. He was smart as well. In the Hino arc, whenever Toshizo started describing the plan of attack, e.g. if Toshi said “you three go to this bridge in the cover of darkness”, Souji would immediately know what strategy he was going for.

Souji's swordsmanship was explained with an anecdote. Toshizo and Souji were challenged by Shichiri to a 2-on-2 duel. Toshizo knew Shichiri would try to lure them into a trap, so he planned a sneak attack. Souji was naturally nervous as he had never killed before, yet he still managed to kill 3+ of the 20 or so enemies. After they escaped, Toshizo was dumbfounded when he noticed Souji didn't get a single drop off blood on his clothes after killing all those people with a sword.

Souji didn’t seem to have any ambition. He was just following his “brothers” when he joined the roshigumi. In his own words, "I'll follow Kondo and Hijikata-san even to hell, although it would be nice if we are going to heaven." What Shiba emphasized in the novel was Toshizo and Souji's bond. In my opinion, Toshizo loved and spoiled Souji unconditionally and unlike most people, Souji could say anything to Toshizo and get away with it. Some examples:

"If you have time, you should read more books, then maybe you can become a good strategist too." That came after Toshizo started laying out his battle strategy.

After Toshizo explained why he chose to be the bad guy, Souji apologized, "I'm too dumb. I didn't know you did all that so the guys won't have to hate Kondo-san." Hearing this coming out of Okita's mouth, Toshizo felt like he was being teased. [Souji added], "Of course, it is also a personality thing."

I guess Toshizo couldn't get mad when Souji said this stuff while “tilting his cute head”. It is always a bit unclear if Souji just had no filter or if he was throwing shade.

Here is one of the most famous HijiOki scene from the novel. Toshizo might be your typical macho man, but he had a secret. Once a month, he would lock himself in his room and everybody would freaked out because they didn't know what he was up to. Except Souji of course. He knocked and cheekily listened to Toshizo frantically tidying up. Souji casually walked into the room and snatched the "Hougiku collection of haikus" from its hiding place. Yes, Toshi wrote spectacularly bad haikus under the pen name of Hougiku (this actually exists)7. Even though Toshizo was embarrassed, he still waited expectantly for Souji's critique of his new work and lit up when Souji said one of them was OK. (Pretty low standards. 😅)

Hijikata opened up to Souji about everything, especially matters of love. When Toshizo got back to HQ after getting injured and meeting Oyuki, Souji went to see him right after the doctor left.

Souji: You got me all worried!

_Toshizo: Sorry… I almost didn’t make it back. But Souji, I think I have fallen for a woman. _

Souji: Eh?

Toshizo: Don’t tell anyone, especially Kondo.

Souji: Then why are you telling me?

Toshizo: You are different.

Souji: Why am I different? Please don’t make me your love counsel.

Toshizo: Ha ha. You are!

I think Shiba intentionally got us to like the cute, childlike, and slightly devilish Souji to make the next part hurt. Souji did not die in battle. Instead, he spent a couple of years wasting away due to tuberculosis. Back then, tuberculosis was basically a death sentence. Once you contracted the disease, it was just a question of how long you have. Shiba didn’t go into details in Moeyo Ken, but in Shinsengumi Keppuroku, after about 2 hours of intense fighting at Ikedaya, Souji started coughing blood. Of course, he was such a badass he managed to chop off his assailant’s head before passing out8. The first time we saw him cough blood in Moeyo Ken was when he chased after Yamanami. (His illness was foreshadowed early on.)

Yamanami Keisuke decided he was done with the Shinsengumi. As you may recall, leaving the group was punishable by death and Toshizo was not going to make an exception. Even though Souji looked at Yamanami like a brother, Toshizo sent him to bring Yamanami back. For the first time in the novel, Souji looked horrified but he still complied. He set out on horseback but because of the cold winter air, he started coughing. He saw the blood on his gloves and thought "I'm going to die soon", though not with sadness or fear. He never seemed too bothered by his own mortality. Souji found Yamanami, who simply said had Toshizo sent anyone else, he'd kill him. Souji told Yamanami he could kill him and make a run for it. Perhaps Souji knew he was going to die anyway and was willing to let Yamanami escape? It didn't matter. Yamanami accepted his fate and asked Souji to be his second for his seppuku.

Souji was basically bedridden in the second volume, rapidly losing weight because he couldn't eat properly. He stopped taking all medicine except for Toshizo's family medicine because Toshizo told him those were effective. Like all fictional characters, as he got sicker, he grew more beautiful and "translucent" (透明感). One thing that never changed was his brilliant smile. He was so blasé about his inevitable death that Kondo found it fascinating.

He still had some pride though. When Yamazaki died, the squad decided to give him a funeral at sea and Souji went with them. He insisted on walking up and down the stairs by himself because he didn't want people see the captain of the first unit be so weak that he needed to be carried. At that time, he already lost half his lung capacity, so even the simple task of walking was a struggle. That didn't stop him from teasing Toshizo when he got a chance.

Perhaps nobody saw the end of Shinsengumi better than this dying young man. The night before the Toba-Fushimi battle, Toshizo went to see him. After talking, Souji suddenly looked at the ceiling and said "Youth is over." Was he talking about himself, or about the many Shinsengumi brothers who would die in the upcoming battles? Toshizo cried.

Even when he was sick, he still worried about Toshizo's love life. 😅 He made sure Toshizo knew Oyuki had moved to Osaka so he could see her. Before he died, Souji also asked a friend to look after Oyuki and made sure she could go see Toshizo in Hakodate afterwards.

Souji spent his final days back home. His sister, Mitsu, tried to stay with him for as long as she could but her husband would be transferred to Edo at any moment. When that day came, she would have to say goodbye to her baby brother forever. That day eventually came. When Souji heard the news, his face was crestfallen for a second before regaining his trademark smile. He held out his now bony hand for Mitsu to hold, but she didn't understand. The siblings talked about some trivial things and their parents. Suddenly, Souji asked, "When dad died, I was just 5 or 6. When I die, will I see them there?" Mitsu finally understood why he wanted her to hold his hand. "Don't be silly. You still have to get better and get a wife." Souji didn't answer. He just asked, "after I'm gone, will there be anyone to light an incense for me (i.e. remember me)?"

Around a month later, they found him dead, collapsed in the hallway, clutching his favorite sword. Legend said he was trying to kill a black cat (a bad omen) but instead, he lost his life. He was buried in the family plot in Tokyo. The following obituary was written about his short life.

"Okita Souji Kaneyoshi studied under Kondo Shusuke, the 3rd heir of Tennen Rishin Ryo since a young age and shown some talent. When he was 12, he faced Oahu Shirakawa Abe clan (?) in a duel and won. He made a name for himself in that clan.

Souji, formerly Sojiro Harumasa, later changed his name to Kaneyoshi. In the 3rd year of the Bankyu era, he joined the newly established Shinsengumi. At the tender age of 20, he became the assistant to the vice commander and captain of the first unit, participating in many missions.

_Unfortunately, life wasn't fair and he was not able to live to an old age. On the 30th day of May in the 4th year of the Keio era, he regretfully passed away." _

He was 24. Even though Kondo was executed a month before, he never found out about it. He died still believing his two “brothers” were alive, still fighting for their dreams.

Okita Souji in Moeyo Ken could seem a bit one dimensional - cute, cheerful, childlike. But was he? Souji was also the captain of the first unit, who probably had one of the highest kill count in the squad. Perhaps his desire to do anything to protect his beloved “brothers” outweigh his gentle nature. As so little was known about Souji, it would remain a mystery.

Notes

Back then, many marriages were arranged so the relationships might not be that great. Guys with Hijikata's rank typically had a mistress or two. Kondo had 3 separate households in Kyoto. ↩︎

In Shinsegumi Keppuroku’s “Assasination of Serizawa Kamo” chapter, which Harada mistakenly attributed to Moeyo Ken in his director’s comment on the movie’s website. ↩︎

Supposedly people in that period were pretty open about sex. So there were these festivals held at the temple where you could look for willing partners. Then they turned off the lights and you get down to business in the dark with the partner of your chose earlier. ↩︎

He was 15 when he tried to sign up with the Shinsengumi before the Toba-Fushimi battle. Although Hijikata knew he was lying about his age, he kept Ichimura as his koshou (page) because he looked like Souji. 😏 ↩︎

There is some debate as to whether the bullet came from the enemy side or his own side. ↩︎

There is very little known about Okita Souji as there were no photos or drawings. There were some fake photos online plus a drawing of what they thought he looked like based on pictures of his grand-nephew, although his family said he didn’t look like that painting. In some records, it was said that Okita was tall, his face was like a flounder, and he slouched, although he had a friendly smile. In another account, he was small and cute. In live action shows, he is generally depicted as having the Samurai / bald hairstyle. ↩︎

Here's a sample: "Even if a single plum flower blossoms, a plum is a plum." Yeah, I’m not sure what that means either. https://mag.japaaan.com/archives/27079 ↩︎

Apparently, once you start to cough blood, you don’t have long to live. Ikedaya happened a while before Souji’s death and since then, he participated in a few other missions, so it is quite unlikely he passed out due to TB. It is generally thought that he passed out due to an unrelated illness or heat stroke. ↩︎

[mentalhealthandlgbt-blog]

Notes from the Symposium

I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting much in the past little while! I got caught up in my symposium presentation for the 20% Project and all sorts of school work.

So, for those that don’t really know what “the symposium” is, it’s a part of my 20% project where I create a display board that must include: my project title, my goals, my inspiration for the project, evidence of progress, and the community benefit. Below I have a picture of the board and such from the symposium.

During the symposium, I also had a little box where people could share their advice or experience(s) with mental illness(es) and/or the LGBT+ community. I was honestly surprised at the amount of contributions I received, and I decided I could make a post of all the advice and experiences! For some, I’ll just post the advice people had, and for others I might add a little bit of commentary in reply.

Mental Health

“I don’t really know if I always had anxiety, but I do know that it definitely grew when I reached high school.. I was in an abusive and toxic friendship and realized I have some past traumas from sexual abuse as a kid. It makes me wonder if I was ever ‘normal’ or like other people who don’t have these mental health issues. I also realized I might have a BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior). I’ve picked at my skin my whole life. What if that has to do with trauma too? The anxiety and skin picking really affect my life and how I act. I can’t even imagine not having these things. But I’m trying my best to be open about them and talk about them instead of bottle them all up. I think I have a good support system but they don’t really know much about me or my past so I can’t be sure.”

To start, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through abuse. I know sorry doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I don’t know what to say when I haven’t experienced what you have. I looked up BFRBs (https://www.bfrb.org/learn-about-bfrbs), and what you described definitely seems to fit that. I think it’s really awesome that you’re opening up to people, even though I’m sure it can be hard to trust everyone. I hope things will work out well and that you really will have a good support system.

“Stay calm and stay strong. It’s okay to cry or be nervous. Don’t doubt yourself and keep moving forward.”

While this is a bit cliche, I do think it’s important. Sometimes hearing “stay calm” or “keep moving forward” can be quite frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

“I used to have an eating disorder 8th - 10th grade, I had and still have very low self-esteem, and always thought/cared of what others thought about me. I wouldn’t be able to focus on school because I had no energy. The times I did eat, I always threw up, and started working out, I would even pass out sometimes. Having a piece of gum was ‘too much.’”

First, I’m glad you were able to get past the eating disorder; I know that can be very hard to do. I also know that low self-esteem can be hard to work past, so try little steps in building self-confidence.

“In my 9 years of diagnosed Major Depression, I’ve learned that people are not always out to get you or make you feel horrible. A lot of people are ready to help and listen, there are many resources available for help as well. I also learned through friends and life that getting rid of things like fake friends or ignoring rude people helps so much as well. Always take time for yourself, never feel that self care is selfish or a burden.”

I like this because I know it can be hard to not be pessimistic about the world and people around you, but surrounding yourself with the right people can create a great support group

“I’ve noticed overcoming anxiety does not mean to run away from what scares you but to breathe and DO YOUR BEST! It gets easier with every challenge (: “

This is definitely an important piece of advice here. Running from problems makes them worse in the long-run, so just do your best to push forward - even if it’s just baby steps. Any amount of improvement is good improvement.

“I struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was insecure about my looks and my weight. And people did not help me overcome them. Little did I know I was hanging around the wrong people. My friends now have helped me to overcome not only my anxiety, but helped me become a better person, and I try to help people who suffered and stressed like I did.”

I’m glad that you figured out that you had bad friends and found good ones, and I’m happy that they’ve been able to help you. It’s also really cool that you’re trying to help people you know are experiencing what you already have.

“Mental health is important to everyone and we all should try to be kind to each other and love each other to make the harshness of life a little easier.”

This is such a wholesome message. It’s important to remember that a lot of people are hiding struggles, so try to be nice to everyone.

“Such a cliche, but ALWAYS check up on your friends! Whether you send a text or call them, even if you’re not on talking terms, do it.”

I agree that you should check up on your friends, yes. However, if you aren’t on talking terms and you suddenly text someone, they might be needing alone time or just might not be ready to talk yet, and it might not go over well.

“Get used to cutting people off whenever they interfere with your mental health. People will come and go (bad people that is), so being able to leave them as soon as a red flag pops up is important. Your mental health is always the first thing to worry about.”

This is definitely important. Being able to recognize and leave bad people is so important in helping yourself and taking care of your mental health.

“I feel like sometimes I live in a mind filled with three different people and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

So, I did a bit of research on this but remember, I’M NOT A DOCTOR. Based on a few sites, this sounds like it could possibly be DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Here’s the definition I found on one site: “Dissociative identity disorder. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder is characterized by alternating between multiple identities. A person may feel like one or more voices are trying to take control in their head. Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.” And this is the site that was on: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders

LGBT+

“I personally identify as asexual panromantic and just questioning gender. I used to identify as pansexual but obviously changed that. When I identified as pan a few of my friends would make fun of it saying the whole ‘there are only 2 genders’ or ‘I identify as an attack helicopter.’ And that really affected how I felt about myself and definitely created a fear in me when I realized I wasn’t cisgender. I was afraid my friends would have more to make fun of me about. And when I realized I was ace I found so much hate online that I was afraid to say I was in fear of being called ‘special’ or a ‘snowflake.’ I’m not sure I’ve overcome that fear yet but I’m slowly coming out to my friends and explaining my fears to them so hopefully they’ll understand. But then again their opinions on what I am/identify as don’t matter.”

As you probably know, I identify the same way as you do. I never really got backlash, and I’m sorry you had bad experiences with that; people can be so rude and ignorant sometimes. I’m proud that you’re trying to open up to friends, and that you’ve realized people’s opinions don’t matter.

“As a LGBT youth it’s kind of hard coming into your own, but remember this: it’s your life don’t let someone make you live a life that you know doesn’t make you happy. Everyone deserves love and happiness.”

I like this a lot. It can be hard to ignore people’s opinions, especially if you’re around them a lot, but it’s good to remember that no one else should control how you live.

“It’s hard having to come back out as questioning when everybody knows I’m gay. It’s hard to be comfortable with my sexuality.”

I’ve never had to re-come out before, but I really did have a long period of questioning before I really figured things out. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to have things figured out all the time and it’s okay to not have a label, especially if any label is making you uncomfortable.

“I haven’t figured out everything yet, but I learned to take time and learn yourself. Don’t try and rush or put on a label too early. It’s okay to not know.”

This is really important. When I was younger, I really tried to push labels on myself. Eventually, I realized that if I gave myself time, I’d be able to understand myself better. I didn’t know for a while, and that was okay. yeah

“Questioning yourself is how you find the answers to a lot of your unasked or unanswered questions. I asked myself the big-ol’ question of why. Why do I feel differently towards girls? Why are people weird to gay people? Am I gay? Little did I know the answer was yes. And little did I know that it was okay.”

So, I talked about my experience in the previous answer. I can honestly say though that I used to ask myself those same questions a lot. I was confused for a while, especially with my religious upbringing. It took me a while to be okay with my sexuality and identity.

“Don’t ever blame yourself nor your sexuality on why things happen. Things were going to go a certain way with every decision.”

I’m not sure I understand the 2nd part, but it’s definitely important to remember that your sexuality isn’t a choice or consequence of some decision you make. Sometimes it is based on past experiences, but a lot of the time you really are born this way.

“Don’t hide who you really are but love it and show who you are. You’re you and no one can change that. :) “

I love this, it’s so wholesome. Sometimes it can be hard, but always try to remember that it’s okay to be you, no matter what others say.

“Involving yourself with people who support you would be the #1 priority. Living life hidden away isn’t worth it to be losing those years to people who don’t approve. Detaching from family is necessary is abusive mentally and physically.”

This is an important lesson that I took a while to learn. I had a hard time defying/detaching from family, but it really is important if they’re abusive and/or unsupportive.

“I’m not part of the LGBT+ community but I still support it 100%”

“I’m no LGBT but I still believe everyone should be treated equally :) “

These are both so cute. I’m glad to see some allies here.

Both/Miscellaneous

“I’ve struggled a lot with depression and anxiety all my life but always tried to hide it because I felt embarrassed about having issues. I also struggle with my sexuality because I’ve always dated guys but I find girls attractive too. I don’t want to admit that I might be bisexual.”

I don’t think mental illness is something you should be embarrassed, but I understand with all the stigma there is in the world why you would be. I know it’s hard, but try to remember that stigmas are BS, and that you’re an amazing human. As for sexuality, I know how hard it can be to accept. For a bit, when I was first realizing I liked girls, I had such a hard time. I basically called myself “questioning” for long enough that I grew more comfortable with my attraction. If you’re not ready for a label or uncomfortable with one, just say you’re “questioning.”

“Try to stay positive and just know you’re beautiful inside and out.”

Another beautiful wholesome message here. I think this applies to both because it can be hard to see yourself as beautiful when there’s a lot of stigma and hate towards mental illnesses and the LGBT+ community in the world.

“Having a good support system, being able to talk to people about anything that was bothering me. I talked about...”

I’m not sure where this was headed, but it’s definitely good to find yourself a good supports system.

And that’s all of them! I’m so sorry, again, for taking so long. I meant to post this right after the symposium, but it took quite a while to respond to everyone’s notes. As always, contributions, asks, and messages are open, and I will respond!

[lettertolife]

Diary Entry for 28/10/21

Let me start by asking a question, have you ever imagined how you would like to live a day? something in the imagination that in the reality would be criticised like severely. I'm not talking about something completely extra-ordinary but something so ordinary but yet so not- ordinary.

I have grown up watching Disney Shows (like That's so Raven, Hannah Montana, Lizzie Macguire and etc) and a hell lot of Karan Johar College based movies. My expectations from friendship and craziness were completely different than my peer group and clearly never met. I was always disappointed at life because as a child I had certain expectations from life- you would think I'm dumb and maybe I am but as a child when I saw the main character of the show having characteristics like mine (is crazy, laughs out loud, is weird and not liked by a lot of her classmates) but still having strong and happy friendship, C'mon a child dreams. Anyway, I spent more than half my life disappointed however that changed once I started my graduation and I made friends that literally gave me moments better than those shows and movies, One such was the day of 28/10/21. A day out of young me's imagination.

One of my close friend decided to pay me visit, rather suddenly, so Clearly we had no plans what so ever everything was going to be spontaneous and I guess that was the blessing. We decided on grabbing coffees, making some reels and having the due McD date. But what we didn't decide on and enjoyed the most was being completely nut case!! Before we went for the coffee, we went to the gym park where I exercise and generally sent snap from- about waiting for my life's main lead and things went crazy there onwards. I can never use that 'Leg Press' machine without going "Feeling the fire inside"😂

After a Fire roast session about the gym park and my expectations- We went to grab a coffee to the nearby but popular café. And the coincidence was such that when Two Army friends sat BTS Butter started playing, we were blessed by the lords, and started vibing to "Smooth Like Butter & Don't need usher" and discussed about BTS, K-drama, Korea, Chinese Drama, Thai Drama, Indonesian Drama, weird content on internet, stupid storylines and random anecdotes. Though the topics looks less in number but we actually went about them for a hell lot longer. And as we left the cafe and took an unnecessary walk around to just get to the ground floor we decided to ride one of the Children's ride in the open mall and things only went downhill there onwards...

We started speaking to each other as if we were vlogging and our non-existing subscribers were a part of this day out and even though we were slightly worried that people may judge two 24 years old adults for ridding children's rides but we took on the adventure. After all Bungie Jumping and a Children Colombus ride in an open mall are on the same intensity of adventure. My friend, Oh Dear lord, DID NOT LET ME BREATH throughout the entire ride. She made me laugh so hard that I ended up in tears. LITERAL TEARS. Also we sang weird Bollywood songs while we were at it. By the way She wasn't done yet. When we got off the ride She topped her general comments and Witt a notch higher, leaving me aggressively falling on the ground to find stability while I laughed my lungs out and to anyone who heard us would really find us as humans experiencing life for the first time. But in that moment when I was on the ground laughing hard, I realised I really did not care about if I was presentable or not I just wanted to laugh. While My friend went about the adventurous rides and the risk involved. After we finished joking about how typical Indian guy's snap is nothing but only of steering wheels and punjabi songs, we decided to finally feed our hungry stomach- OUR MCDONALD'S DATE! and it was everything embarrassing but absolutely enjoyable and forever iconic. In a nutshell, we were the center of attraction of that McD outlet. Where My Friend gave me her jacket because I was cold just like something out of a K-drama, while I laughed out LOUD, clutching my stomach while everyone was watching us. We were loud AF. kept making weird "close up with" videos, dissed about men around us and Literally just Loud and Laughing so much so that My friend worried that I might be banned from this outlet today onwards 😂 The entire outlet was only ringing with our voices and laughs it was that CRAZYYY!!

And that's what was my imagination- being myself, enjoying myself without being apologetic. Without worrying the preaching that will come later on and without the fear of un-acceptance. Just simply living.

Later on, before she left, we did sit down calmly for few minutes and just talked casual day to day life. Also throughout the day I did so many romantic stuff for her (unintentionally though) like something out of the Korean Drama. I held her hand before crossing the roads, tugged her aside when people passed and bought her balloons. I learnt good from thr dramas 😂

I'm glad I lived this day, where I was just myself, where we enjoyed, where we weren't worried, never talking about the future that lies ahead of us (which is a frequent topic within my peer circle as of now) all we did was just talk random and weird stuffs. AND LAUGH OUT REAL HARD & LOUD.

Thank You Mr. Singh for today and these memories. we met after a year and half and we enjoyed it completely (at least I did). Thank you for being a friend, An Army and my K-drama partner ♥️

[hogwartslessons-blog]

History of Magic| Thursday. July 12th, 2018| Lesson Eight: Founders of the School

The founders of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry wanted to represent each aspect they would like to see in new students. Each brought different character and personality traits to the table and allowed for students to fit into the four different houses based upon said traits.

Godric Gryffindor

Godric Gryffindor is known to be one of the most powerful duellers of his time. Another interesting fact about him is that some called -- and still call -- him the “crusader against Muggle discrimination”.

Of all the founders, Godric Gryffindor was closest friends with Salazar Slytherin. However, as most of you might have already known, there was a large argument between these two friends when they noticed the difference in what they would like Hogwarts to become.

Like the other founders, Godric tried to shape the Gryffindor house to be like him: loyal, brave, and fearless. It was known that many times, he stood up for his friends, including Salazar Slytherin.

As Second Years, you will have already gone through your very own sorting ceremony, but did you know that the Sorting Hat once belonged to Godric Gryffindor?

While the founders were alive, they were able to sort the students of Hogwarts into different houses, but they got worried about what to do when they passed on. Relying on all four of them becoming ghosts was an unlikely option. Thus, Godric removed his hat and all four witches and wizards enchanted the hat together to give it the “brains” to sort even when they were no longer available.

Salazar Slytherin

Salazar Slytherin had a great many achievements, beliefs, and discoveries attributed to him, including being an adept Legilimens. Unfortunately, however, the thing about him most people know him for is his belief that magic should always remain within a strict group of pure-blooded families; he insisted the Hogwarts must not allow anyone else into the school. This was also the beginning of the well-known argument between the founders. However, contrary to popular belief, Salazar Slytherin was actually a loyal friend, and not a bigoted villain. His scorning of Muggle-born students was actually born out of a desire to protect the rest of the students in the school, as he believed they may betray them to Muggles. 

Salazar Slytherin had a special talent. He was a Parselmouth, meaning he could speak with serpents. It was due to his talent that he was almost killed as a child. He tried to defend a Muggle girl, who was bullied, by speaking to a snake and telling it to attack the aggressors. Frightened, the girl ran home and told her parents about what Salazar had done, causing him to be brutally beaten. Salazar’s parents were able to save him and get their revenge, killing the man, but his hatred of Muggles remained.

Salazar had no idea that Godric was in fact a Muggle-born. When he turned to the other founders for support, he was only met with rejection, as Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff did not see a reason to bar Muggle-borns from their institution.

Students of Slytherin are known to be ambitious and cunning. They would do anything to achieve what they believe in.

Following Salazar’s failed attempt to only accept pure-bloods in the school, he created the Chamber of Secrets and placed a basilisk inside it. This basilisk was placed in order to rid all Muggle-borns in Hogwarts, should the worst come to pass, and fulfill this “noble purpose” Salazar had set for it to do.

Helga Hufflepuff

Helga Hufflepuff came from a very mundane and simple family in Wales. She was the oldest of three children, though the other two children were adopted (one magical and one Muggle). This has allowed her to nurture the motherly characteristics she became famous for and that she has brought to her house in Hogwarts. Caring for her students’ well-being was more important than anything else.

Interestingly, Helga was famous for her wide variety of food-related charms, many of which were, and still are, present in Hogwarts’ feasts. Through food, she was able to form connections with people of many different backgrounds. She had an avid interest in various cultures, Muggle and magical alike. Helga immersed herself in many a culture and was always open to learning about others. This also contributed to her charismatic nature.

Rowena Ravenclaw

  Born in Scotland, Rowena’s maiden name was actually not Ravenclaw. She took the name from her husband, Jares Ravenclaw. Jares was Helga’s cousin. Rowena knew Helga before knowing Jares, and through her friendship with Helga met Jares Ravenclaw, who was ten years her senior. He was persistent in winning her heart, despite her sole interest and love for knowledge rather than relationships. In the end, she was won over with not only his perseverance but also his wit.

As a child, Rowena was always a lover of knowledge and learning. This allowed her to advance her skills in various realms of magic and brought about her interest in magical architecture. It was a relatively rare topic at that time as resources were scarce, but Rowena was determined to use this ability in one form or another. The opportunity arose when Helga introduced her to Salazar and Godric, and thus the idea for Hogwarts was born. Then, she invested all her time into the magical architecture of Hogwarts, the magic behind which is still a mystery to witches and wizards to this very day.

Rowena Ravenclaw became a widow when a wizard’s misfired spell killed her husband. Thus, she brought her daughter, Helena Ravenclaw, with her to live in Hogwarts castle, where she dedicated all her time to teaching and learning. She buried herself in work to distance herself from the hurt in her heart caused by her husband’s death. However, this caused tension between her and her daughter as the latter felt neglected. As a result, Helena later fled the castle with the fabled diadem of wisdom her mother had enchanted. This brought about more hurt to Rowena -- more than she was willing to admit -- as she refused to let go of her pride and denied that her daughter had run away.

Even on her deathbed, Rowena never got to see her daughter one last time. She died of illness and a broken heart in 1000 A.D.

Rowena Ravenclaw had formed the Ravenclaw house with knowledge and wisdom above all else, and had a fair bit of trouble establishing relationships with people.  Instead, she sought comfort in her collection of books that was later donated to the Hogwarts Library. The amount of books from Rowena make up a substantial part of the Hogwarts Library to this very day.

[sullivanagatha1993]

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[demi-dufresne]

Fourteen Months of Memories

A Season 6 Inspired One Shot for the blue team, meant for the “Missing Scene(s)” square in the @rvbficwars RvB Bingo. Better dead than red, amirite?

A repost, since I forgot to tag it the first time. Sorry! :)

There was something to be said about being lonely. Especially, there was something to be said about being lonely for months on end. One year today, actually. There was a lot to be said about that. And frankly, Church was getting fucking sick having no one to say it to.

It started out a little wonky, sure- he’d expected someone to join him at the empty base. Here he was, stationed here, without a red in sight. Or a blue, for that matter. Everyone was just… gone. And like, that can get on a guy’s nerves after a while.

And in the beginning it was a little nice, he had to admit. Caboose and the rest of the Blood Gulch crew had been driving him nuts. Well, Caboose specifically, the rest of the guys just sort of… fueled it. But after all that time, it was almost like he was missing them.

Almost.

Either way. He woke up on the day of a year here, alone, feeling like his eyes were anvils. He shuffled a little in the bed, his armor clacking against the frame. Man, did he miss not having to sleep in armor. But that was back when nothing chafed like hell and he was still, you know, alive. With a groggy grunt he sat up, glancing at the calendar he’d hung up by his bed. March 14. One year. Each day was exed out before that, an angry scribble in blue pen. He crossed the new day off, starting his morning ritual, if you could call it that.

Church had sort of set his day into a routine, just something to keep himself from going crazy. First thing was cross of the calendar. Second was an attempt to contact command.

They stopped picking up his calls after about a week. Now that Church really understood the whole meaning of “simulation troopers,” it kind of made sense that they’d ignore the fuck out of him when he kept asking for more and more information. He just wanted to know if someone would be out here. Like, jesus, drop a guy in the middle of nowhere, stranded, with cameras in weird locations and food and supply drops once a month. Not that he could eat it. Were they trying to protect him, or did they just put him somewhere to get rid of him? It beat Church.

Then he’d patrol the barrier. It was really unusual for Church to do anything willingly for this goddamn military, but it was less for them and more for him. He wanted to know who was out there. Call it paranoia, but he always had the strangest feeling that someone was watching him. And more than just the cameras.

On those long walks, he’d had a lot of time to think. Some days he’d think about tiny things– how he missed food, how he wasn’t sure if he actually had to sleep (but it would drive him crazy without his schedule if he didn’t,) how he wished someone else was here. But usually he’d think about memories.

Maybe it was a characteristic of being a ghost, Church didn’t know, but he had a really uncannily good memory. That is, he had a good memory of everything since he started at Blood Gulch. Anything before that was a mystery.

On this particular day, Church let his mind wander back to Blood Gulch, sitting in the shade under a rock. Sure, there were a lot of annoying assholes there, but at least they made good company.

Actually, that day he was thinking of was kind of a weird one. He didn’t know the date exactly, but it had to have been some time after Doc arrived, considering. He was sitting under the boulder, minding his own damned business, when a bizarre, loud, scream/laugh overtook his ears.

“You motherfuckers have got to be kidding me,” he’d said, slowly standing up. Maybe it was another so-called-attack from the reds, before they negotiated a mutual surrender and just wound up going home. Who cared, honestly.

When he stood up though, he could tell that the voice was coming from further into the canyon. He squinted, trying to see who was out there. He’d pull out the sniper rifle, but he’d left it at the base and that was so like, far…

So instead of going back to the base, he’d walked straight into the middle of no-man’s-land and risked his own life. Well, kind of. He was already dead, but the sentiment was still there.

So he reached the middle of the canyon, following the weird sound of laughter, when who did he run into but Doc, walking aimlessly around and shouting at himself.

“You’re a whole fuck load of crazy,” he muttered, looking the guy up and down. What can Church say, though? He was kinda pitying the kid. Walking around, talking wildly. Maybe too much time with Caboose drove him crazy. That seemed about right.

“Hey, Doc!” He’d called to the pacifist, walking closer towards him. Doc stopped mid pace, his posture changing from crooked and bent at the shoulders to the more upright, worried Doc that everyone was used to seeing.

“Oh, hey! Church! How’s it going?”

“Uh, good, Doc. You okay? You seem a little…” Church trailed off, gesturing with his hand. “Uh. Uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Doc said. “Just kinda feeling lost recently. I don’t know. I don’t think the reds like me very much, but for some reason I don’t think the blues like me very much, either. I don’t know. It just sort of feels like I have no one to talk to.”

Man, Church had no idea how relevant that feeling would be in a couple years’ time.

“Uh… Cool. Right. Well, I was just checking in, I better go-”

It was as if a switch had flipped. Doc hunched back down, shoulders twitching at odd increments and fingers moving rhythmically. Church was suspicious. Concerned, but mostly suspicious. “You okay there, buddy?”

“You fool!” The voice shouted, one that was characteristically not Doc. “Nothing is relevant in this tirade of human existence! Futility and stupidity reign your very existence!”

“Whoa there, calm down, man,” Church had said. He leaned forward and lightly tapped Doc on the shoulder, heaving an awkward laugh. “I know people kinda suck, but like. Chill.”

Doc looked sharply up, his neck twisting in an odd way. Church took a step back, coughing up another laugh. “You remind me of someone I know,” the not-Doc murmured, taking a step forward.

“Uh. That’s cool. That’s good. I’m just gonna go now, I remembered something I have to do-”

“Your voice- What is your name?” Doc asked. Church was bewildered at this point. Doc knew his name. He just used it, for crying out loud.

“I-It’s Church. I mean, I don’t know what you want me to say-”

“Your real name.”

“Yep. Still Church. Like I said, though, I’ve got to go, I’ve got to- yeah. Bye.” With that, he pivoted where he stood, walking straight back to the base without saying another word. If he heard a quiet ‘fools’ in the background, he didn’t say anything.

In hindsight, Church definitely knew that was O’Malley. Still though, that business with the name… freaky. And besides, it wasn’t hard to pity Doc, but when Church though back on the guy’s medical skills (really, lack thereof) it wasn’t hard to almost feel like he deserved it. Fucking asshole.

Present day. He kicked at a rock at the side of the ledge. As per usual, nothing to be seen here. Great. Well. Might as well patrol the other side, then.

He kicked the little rock along, mind trailing once again to Blood Gulch.

It was one of the more common times where there was someone shouting in the canyon that it was definitely the reds. As per standard, they arrived in that damned Warthog, polka music playing like they were some sort of badasses and not a group of idiots who couldn’t even work a goddamn robot. This must have been earlier on- Church was still alive and Caboose was still known to them as “the new guy.” The three of them were lined up- Church, Caboose, and Tucker- and looked quizzically up at the three reds in the car.

“What’s up?” Tucker had said, so calmly and blatantly you’d think he wasn’t standing in a battlefield with a gun pointed to his head.

“You nefarious blues! Your conniving schemes are finally over! Prepare to face a world without your tyrannous rule!” The red one was shouting. Church still hadn’t bothered to learn their names, despite all the time he’d spent in Blood Gulch up to that point. He and Tucker had lived there for what felt like forever. Then again, that was back when keeping track of time wasn’t as important to him as it was now.

“Our what? You’re gonna have to speak a little louder, I can’t hear you over the music!” Tucker had shouted. The darker red guy (Simmons, Church now knew) heaved a shrug.

“We don’t know how to turn it off!” He shouted back.

“Then how are we going to talk to you?” Tucker shouted up at them.

“Surrender, you no-good penny clencher!” shouted the red.

“What does that even mean?” The orange one chimed in.

“How are we gonna surrender if you can’t hear me?” Tucker called up. Why he kept this thing up, Church could never guess.

“Hey Rookie, how are you- what?” Church stopped mid-sentence. He had looked over to where Caboose was standing, and no one was there. He glimpsed down, seeing him sprawled out on the floor.

“Did he just fall asleep?” Tucker asked with a chuckle. “What the fuck?”

“Uh. Guys, can we do this later? Like, give you time to figure out your sound or whatever?” Church shouted up at the reds.

“And allow you more time to plot your terrible plans! Never!” The red one shouted.

“This fucker, I swear- Tucker!” Church called above the whir of polka music. “Stall for me.”

“What, I’m not running around in front of a tank while you try and figure out what happened to the rookie. That’s bullshit!”

“Tucker. I have a few favors to call in, don’t I?” Church said, raising his eyebrows. Tucker couldn’t see it, but the point was made.

“Got it. But you owe me, asshole,” he muttered, switching off his radio. Church smiled.

Now there was the whole issue of the guy passed out on the floor. Church tried to pick him up, carry him bridal style, anything, but holy shit was he heavy.

“It’s the fuckin muscle-y ones that always pass out, isn’t it,” Chruch muttered, resolving to the fact that he’d have to pull the guy by the feet.

Until that point, he wasn’t really all too concerned about what had sent Caboose into unconsciousness. Maybe it was narcolepsy, maybe he was scared of the guns. But present-Church was knowledgeable enough to know that Caboose probably just bored and wanted a nap, or at least too stupid to know anything about battle. Maybe he thought fights were done by sleeping.

Then again, what the reds and blues got up to couldn’t really be described as “fights” or “battles,” but that’s besides the point.

So he dragged the guy into the base, into his room and onto the floor. He looked up at Caboose’s bed, blue sleeping bag laid messily on white cot. He pulled it off, throwing it on top of the guy.

“Sweet dreams, Caboose,” he’d muttered, but he stopped just a second, watching the other guy.

Looking back, Church hated how creepy and kind of gay this sounded. But there he stood, watching Caboose breathe in and out. It was kind of serene, in a way. The guy never stopped talking when he was awake, but asleep, breathing. The whole thing was rather peaceful. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

He woke up twenty minutes later and Church changed his mind entirely.

Back to the modern times. Church stopped walking then. He’d circled the entire area twice already. Sure, he supposed he could just leave, but he wouldn’t. For all the shit Church puts up, he doesn’t typically break the rules. That said, he sure as hell likes to bend them.

A rustle wrang out from behind him. He turned around, almost hoping someone would sneak up on him, take him away. But nobody came.

With that he decided to climb up the sniper tower. There was nothing else to do, anyway. And like, at least there’s a view from up there. Church sighed and grabbed the ladder, pulling himself up rung by rung. He glimpsed out, staring over the vast empty land. What he wouldn’t give to have someone here.

What he wouldn’t give to have Tucker here.

Little did he know, Tucker was running the same story through his head, miles away in a far too crowded desert. The sun had set, and Junior was snuggled into his side, the shouts of CT and his crew quiet in the background. For now, they were safe. For now. With Church, things were always safe. In Blood Gulch, they’d made a home.

The sun was always in the sky in Blood Gulch. At first Tucker found it a little weird, but the longer he stayed, the more he’d grown to accept it. Because fuck it, why not. Sometimes, just sitting on top of the base, looking over Blood Gulch was quite interesting, kind of serene almost.

This was not one of those times.

“Aren’t they doing anything? Like, anything at all?” Tucker had said. He was sitting on the top of the base, his legs dangling off the edge. Church was begrudgingly standing next to him, the scope of the sniper rifle pressed against his eye. It was forever ago- before Caboose, before the Freelancers, before everything went to shit. Well, almost everything. Tucker cradled Junior under his arm, a small smile on his face. But, anyways. Back to the story. Spying on the reds was about as interesting as watching paint dry, and Tucker was sick of it.

“No, Tucker, just like the last five hundred times you asked,” Church spit back. Tucker groaned.

“But they have to do something! They can’t just sit there talking all day.”

“Well, that’s what we do, isn’t it?” Church said. Tucker groaned again, flopping back so that his back was against the base, his face to the sky.

“I want your sniper rifle,” he whined. Church was silent for a second, and Tucker gave a chuckle. “Bow chica wow wow.”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole,” Church said under his breath. He so wasn’t in the mood.

“Oh, come on, please? I never get to look. I’ll do something for you. A chore?” Tucker said. Church cocked an eyebrow. “Hah. Bow chicka wow wow again. I’m really on a roll here,” Tucker continued. Church ignored him. A chore? Well, Church was sick of doing laundry duty. And ever since Flowers, he’d been in charge of washing Tucker’s underwear- something no human being should ever have to put up with.

“Fine. If you’ll-”

“I know, I’ll tell you shitty stories so you can make fun of me later!” Tucker interrupted. Church raised an eyebrow. That was not what he wanted to hear. “Like… Oh! I know, my first time. It was sophomore year-”

“I am not having this conversation,” Church said, pulling the scope from his eye to glance down at Tucker.

“There was this girl. Her name was Macy, I think- or wait, was it Marcy?”

“Nope, definitely not having this conversation,” Church said. He turned to leave.

“Wait, wait!” Tucker said. He sat back up, looking up at Church. “It was definitely Marcy.”

“Yeah, okay. I’m leaving,” Church said. He took the ramp down to the base, shaking his head.

“She was a ginger!” Tucker called, standing up to follow Church.“Wait, let me finish!” He raced down the ramp after Church, listening intently. Church, though, was already speed walking through the kitchen, hands over his ears and aggressively singing. His helmet had been tossed to the side somewhere in between his entering the base and the kitchen. Tucker’s remained on. “She was this senior, and we were at homecoming.” With that, Church froze. He slowly pulled his hands from his ears. The guy never really smiled, but the face he was pulling right now was a little less of Church’s typical ‘angry-but-still-personable’ and a little more ‘holy-shit-that-struck-a-nerve.’ Now, Tucker might not be the best at reading people, but even he could pick that up.  “Yeesh, why so serious all of a sudden?” He said. Church didn’t move.

“Stop talking,” Church said. “Just… Stop talking.”

“Fine, whatever, dude,” Tucker said. “What do you have against my sex life?”

“No!” Church said. “You idiot, it’s not your sex life, it’s just… homecoming… I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why?” Tucker said, tone nonchalant. Church’s hands, now at his sides, clenched. They always did that when he got pissy. That, of course, and the scowls. He probably has a scowl for every day of the week, Tucker thought.

Church scowled again. Scratch that, he definitely has one for every day of the year. “Well you see, Tucker,” Church said. He had the uncanny ability to make even Tucker’s name sound like an insult. “You can’t just ask people stuff like that.”

“But dude,” Tucker said, “Now I’ve got to know. Did you have bad sex? I think you had bad sex.”

“Not everything is about sex, you cockbite!” Church called. He’d begun speed walking away from Tucker again.

“Hey asshole, now I get to use your sniper rifle, right?” Tucker called after him. Church didn’t say anything in response. “Oh, mother fucker,” Tucker muttered under his breath. Typical Church. What an asshole.

Church himself walked straight to his room. He was lucky to get his own space of privacy in the base. Flowers had said something about keeping sanity (he’d heavily stressed the word) within tight living conditions. To Church’s knowledge, military units usually had bunks, but hey. He wasn’t going to complain. Church shut the door behind him, sighing at the empty space.

So Homecoming. Huh. There were still several memories he couldn’t recall, and he guessed Homecoming was one of them. The mere mention of the word made him freak out, and he had no idea why. “I just had to slip on a puddle, didn’t I,” Church groaned. After that concussion or whatever immediately after he was stationed at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, his memories were all fogged up. It was like they were right there, right out of his reach, but he could never touch them. Still, Homecoming. Huh.

About a week passed and Church would have assumed that Tucker would have let this whole ‘Homecoming’ thing go. “Hey, mornin’, Church. You gonna tell me about Homecoming yet?” Even the mention of the word sent a bad feeling through Church’s gut.

“Fuck off Tucker,” Church said, passing him to grab his helmet off the shelf.

“Oh, come on. Now it’s just getting old,” Tucker said. He himself wasn’t dressed for war yet. He’d only donned a pair of boxers and some white ratty tee for Church’s sake.

“I know it’s getting old, Tucker, so why don’t you drop it?” Church annunciated every syllable like he was talking to a toddler. Tucker made a face.

“But dude. Come on. Your roommate tells you he has this traumatic ass story about Homecoming and leaves you in the dark. Like, come on, man! I would do so much to learn that damn secret.”

“Would you do, say, I don’t know, a week of laundry duty?” Church said. He might not know the story himself, but if he could get both Tucker and his dirty underwear off his hands, well. That’d be two birds with one stone.

“Half a week.”

“Two weeks.”

“What?”

“The lower you barter, the higher it goes.”

“Fuck you. I’m just gonna keep annoying you ‘till you tell me, then,” Tucker said. “I’ll ask you every morning and every noon and night, and for every time I ask about the reds I’ll ask about it twice. How does that sound, huh? Annoying, huh?”

“Ugh, fuck off,” Church said. He screwed on his helmet, a scowl covering his face. If Tucker could see it, he surely would have made another remark.

“Seriously, dude. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.” Church had begun to walk away, and Tucker, still in his boxers, followed him through the base. “Tell me. Tell me.”

“Fuck off!” Church shouted again.

“Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

“Tucker!” Church shouted.

“Tell meeeee. Like, do you know what I’d give to know what it is?” Tucker whined.

“Do you know what I’D give to know what it is?!” Church had turned around, and was shouting to Tucker’s face now.

“W- Huh?” Tucker said. That… threw him off. Where was the story about bad sex? That didn’t sound like a story about bad sex.

“I don’t know, Tucker! I don’t know that story, okay? I forgot it in the damn accident, with near everything else. Now if you’d kindly fuck off, that’d be greatly appreciated,” Church said. “And get dressed while you’re at it, I didn’t ask to see that ugly-ass mug of yours.”

Church turned and walked away, leaving a stunned Tucker. “Wh- What?” He muttered. So Church was really not not telling him afterall. Weird. And as cryptic and terrifying as the term ‘the accident’ was clearly intended to sound, Tucker knew about the whole thing with Church slipping in a puddle. Fuckin’ dweeb. But it did really suck that he couldn’t experience the awesomeness that was Homecoming. Like, the music, the lights, the ladies…

An idea struck Tucker. An idea so wild he knew it had to be done. Because fuck it, if Church got all whiny everytime Tucker mentioned getting laid at Homecoming, then damn. That’d get real annoying, since that was one of the best fucks Tucker had ever had. So it was settled. He knew what he was going to do. Though, he might need a little help…

“Sup my dude, how’s it crackalacking?” Vic’s voice crackled over the speaker.

“It’s great, Vic, but hey. It’s Tucker. I was wondering if you could help me out down here,” Tucker said into the mic. He was standing a good twenty feet from the base, his eye on Church, who was sitting out with the sniper rifle on a ledge above red base. Tucker hoped he couldn’t hear his conversation.

“Sure thing, brochacho. But I think technically it’d be up here, since, you know, geography and all that jazz. Super boring jazz.”

“Yeah, cool. Anyway. I’m gonna need some lights. I’m not talking lamps. I mean big, flashy, rave type lights,” Tucker said. “Does command carry that type of thing?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, man. What you be needing big ol’ rave-y lights for? Your base isn’t a dance club. Well I mean, yet.”

“It’s personal. Uh… Could I get off with saying, like, soldier morale or something?” Tucker said.

“Eh, why not. I’ll send for a ship for you guys. Guess that’ll come in handy when you guys are gone. I’ve always wanted to get funky on a dance floor. Woo woo! The dance-y Vick train is going into the station!” Vick called.

“…right,” Tucker said. “Got it. Thanks.” With that, he hung up the phone.

It took about a week to get the whole plan together. The lights arrived pretty quickly- surprisingly quickly, if Tucker was honest. He hid them in his room, knowing Church wouldn’t dare approach. His last phase of the plan was even easier than the first. He had to get Church out of the base.

“Church. Will you go spy on the Reds? I’m going to do the laundry,” Tucker had said. Church turned to him, his jaw open and eyes wide. It was pretty easy, if he was honest.

He threw up the lights, the banners, the speakers. He threw some vodka in a punch bowl and took a step back. He was proud, if he was honest. This was like, exactly what he was trying to do. Perfect.

Church got back about an hour later to find all the lights off in the base. While this usually wasn’t an issue, what with the eternal sunlight and all, there were blankets tied to each of the windows, blotting out any sunlight. “Wh-” he started, looking around the now-dark base. “Tucker? Are you here?”

“You know, Church, Homecoming is a special event where people who are like, either super close friends, or maybe something more, get together and have some drinks, do some dancing, and have a good time.”

The whole Homecoming thing again. Church still had that same nervous reaction, but it had all but dissolved into anger at this point. As Tucker kept talking, Church took off the rest of his armor, knowing this all to be Tucker’s idea of a good time. What a dick.

“Homecoming was one of the best nights of my life, and I think that fate is an ass to try and take that from you. So. I figured I’d try and fuck fate over once again. How does that sound?” With that, a stream of blue Christmas lights lit up the dark area, a fast-paced EDM song coming over the speakers. Tucker’s face was lit up in the blue, and he wore a small grin with a beaten-up black tux.

Church heaved a laugh. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m making this night your Homecoming, asshole. Besides, you know that Command said something about sending a new soldier soon. This might be all we’ve got for the two of us. For all we know, this would be the last night we have together. So like, let’s just enjoy it,” Tucker said. Church paused, looking over the decorations.

“I don’t know, man. That’s pretty gay.”

“Oh, shut up. Just trust me, okay?”

“I’d never trust you, you fucking asswipe,” Church said, but took a step towards Tucker’s makeshift dance floor anyways. The couches from the living area were nowhere to be found (likely in Tucker’s quarters) and the TV was shoved into the corner. It wasn’t perfect, which Tucker did kind of know, but Church looked happy. And damn, Tucker was happy, too. Look at him, planning a party for his sad friend. He was so charitable and modest. No wonder the ladies love him.

The song playing was something ridiculously quick- some trap song about banging a girl and taking her home. Church was so goddamn awkward at dancing, though. Tucker laughed even trying to watch him. “What?” Church said. His face had gotten all red- Tucker could barely notice it in the faint hue of the lights- and he was definitely offended.

“Here, come on, dance with me,” Tucker said. He considered himself a good dancer, all sway and hips and head-bobs. Church tried to mirror him, looking somewhat like a disgruntled bird. It was so hard not to laugh, but Tucker contained himself. The picture of poise, right?

“Alright, alright, so fast dancing’s not your thing,” Tucker chuckled. Church folded his arms, and Tucker could have sworn he saw the guy pout. “It’s fine, whatever. Maybe slower dancing.”

“Oh, I am not slow dancing with you, you moron. You’re not living out your weird high school fantasies with me,” Church said, backing away.

“It’s not like that, calm down. Think of this as… Me teaching you so that you can go out there and seduce all the ladies. Yeah. Think of it like that.”

Church grumbled out something that sounded like disagreement, but moved towards Tucker anyways. Tucker flipped on a slower song; it was less about fucking someone than it was about love and care and respect. Not really Tucker’s speed, but who was he to judge if that was Church’s thing? Sounded like something he could get behind, to be honest.

“Okay, so you’re gonna want to put your hands around her waist like this,” Tucker said. He moved his wrists past Church’s hips, pulling Church closer to him.

“Don’t tell anyone this ever happened or I will actually kill you,” Church threatened.

“Got it, got it. That goes for me too, dick,” Tucker said. The music was just hitting the chorus. It was a pretty song, some guy singing of perfect imperfections. It was a little cheesy, but hey. Nothing was wrong with that.

They were swaying to the tempo, Church’s arms wrapped behind Tucker’s neck and Tucker’s hands on Church’s hips. He let himself close his eyes for a second, leaning his head on Church’s shoulder.

“Okay, asshole, you’re getting a little close,” Church said, but he didn’t pull away. They stayed like that for a little bit. Breathing, existing. Moving in sync.

The song drew to a close, bittersweet and nostalgic. “You know, Homecomings aren’t that bad, are they?” Tucker said. Church scoffed.

“Okay buddy, calm yourself.”

No matter what he said, he could have stayed like that forever.

Flash forward a couple years and Church was standing alone on top of a sniper tower. He’d been alone for a year. He hadn’t seen Doc, Caboose, Tucker in a year.

In two months, he’d stop being alone. But Tucker?

Well. I guess you know how the story ends, huh?

He never got to see Tucker again.

[michellelewis7162]

An Instruction training program In Miracles - Customizing Lifestyles in addition to in addition Accurately Only just how it Aids You Discharge Disappointment

An Instruction training program In Miracles - Customizing Lifestyles in addition to in addition Accurately Only just how it Aids You Discharge Disappointment

 A Course in Miracles is in fact as a result pure, hence great, for that reason solid, and also consequently a lot much more mentally advanced than any sort of kind of form of various other thing of the globe's literary works (hobbies along with situated), that you must actually know-how it to presume it. That is actually absolutely not due to the fact that A Course in Miracles remains in simple fact perplexing - on the contrary its own quite personal concepts remain in truth extremely basic - nevertheless, relatively thinking about that it is actually the characteristic of spiritual understanding that those that reside in reality certainly not prepped to recognize it, simply might not recognize it. ACIM

 Because of the simple fact that I initially wound up being educated of the remarkable and also magnificent existence of God, I invite fact valued study numerous superb theological duties like the Bible (my precious parts are actually the Sermon on the Mount in addition to Psalms), the Bhagavad-Gita, the Upanishads, the Koran as well as additionally the poems of Kabir as well as likewise Rumi. None happen near the results of a Course in Miracles. Reviewing it along with an open mind as well as likewise center, your issues and worry as well as anxieties take out. You are aware of an impressive affection deep-rooted within you - a great deal much deeper than virtually every little thing you understood formerly. The possible starting points to seem to be to be to become thus glossy for you and also your really admired ones. You presume love for everybody featuring those you merely lately have actually definitely sought to leave left out. These journeys are actually unbelievably very efficient and additionally at options turn you off compatibility a little of, however it is actually worth it: A Course in Miracles launches you to a commitment as a result tranquil, therefore common as well as additionally therefore audio - you are going to certainly deliberate merely how tons of the earth's religions, whose function is definitely presumably an equal expertise, gotten for that reason off take note of.

 I have had a look at the scriptures sizable quantities of opportunities aside from I ensure you that a Course in Miracles is really totally constant along with Jesus' coaches while he got along the planet. A Course in Miracles provides Jesus' right relevant info: real interest for * all people *. If they example as pleasing as my really own do, as well as also the numerous various other specific candidates that have actually found A Course in Miracles to become really completely absolutely nothing lower than a gorgeous gem, afterwards congratses - along with could your establishment routinely be actually kindly packed together along with relaxed, nurturing pleasure.

 As the tag exemplifies, A Course in Miracles is really a mentor tool complimentary appropriate info. It teaches our team what is true and in addition what is in fact amazing, as well as leads our staff to the direct experience of our quite personal Inner Teacher.

 The Course is actually set up in 3 parts: a text message, a manual for pupils and also a guide for educators. The Text supplies the principles embeding the Course. The book includes 365 daily treatments that provide pupils the opportunity to execute as well as also experience the concepts on a competent volume. The educator's manual exists in a worry together with response concept, addressing standard issues that a trainee might inquire; it additionally gives a definition of health and wellness conditions taken advantage of throughout the Course.

 On How everything Began

 The totally free resources Course was actually created by david hoffmeister, incredibly trained and also helpful Professors of Psychology at Columbia University's College of Physicians and also similarly Surgeons in New York City. Helen was really the assistant for the Course, composing down in dictation the interior notices she obtained. It took a general of 7 years to attain A Course in Miracles, which was actually first released in 1976 in the United States.

 Over most recent 34 years, the allure of A Course in Miracles has actually built alongside spread across the globe. It has actually been actually truly equated in to 18 different international languages along with additionally additional interpretations dwell in the jobs. Throughout the earth, individuals gather along with various other the same students to review the Course with each other therefore so as to far better comprehend the Course's notification. Within this time duration of furthermore social as well as digital media, A Course in Miracles may promptly remain in reality gotten in digital guide format, on Compact Disc, as well as additionally using apple iphone Apps. You might quickly hang out together with different other Course students on Facebook, Yahoo Groups, Twitter, along with a lot of other internet web sites.

 Experiencing the Course

 The Course is really produced to end up being a self-study gizmo via david hoffmeister. Various pupils discover that their 1st interaction alongside the factor is complicated in addition to also discouraging - the correction in standpoint that it offers contrasts typical thinking. Taking a marketing instruction session together with a capable firm or even maybe trainer permits for a gentler setting to these originalities and also similarly an extra session experience.

 There remain in truth a lot of training programs and also curriculum based upon the strategy of A Course in Miracles, and likewise specific sessions on essential Course suggestions, such as True Forgiveness or probably Cause aside from Effect. Such training courses supply trainees the probabilities to experience the concept and use specific component much more dramatically. Via such deep-rooted journey, numerous pupils discover the assurance of inner tranquility as well as likewise the enjoyment of knowing the Inner Teacher.

 " This Course is a start, certainly not an edge ... No extra details directions remain in reality designated, for there vanishes necessity of each of every one of all of them. Henceforth, listen closely to having said that, the Voice for God ... He is going to positively direct your campaigns, telling you specifically what to carry out, simply how to deliver your thoughts, along with when to happen to Him in muteness, finding His particular standards as well as additionally His specific Word (Workbook, p. 487).

 They locate that they worry a label brand-new understanding of forgiveness when folks utilize the directions uncovered as well as likewise the guidelines of A Course In Miracles. They are actually competent to examination as well as similarly recognize why you hurt your private in addition to others when you do unquestionably not eliminate.

 The one who needs to deal with is really affected just as a whole lot as the one that needs to need to have to be really gotten rid of, if definitely certainly not extra strongly! You may effortlessly forgive the offender whether he talks along with for grace and also even certainly not. This will absolutely be actually the extremely first of the miracles that is permitted and likewise made it through the electrical energy of goodness found out coming from A Course In Miracles.

 Over 40 years back, a psycho counselor originating from Columbia University started to bring breakthroughs coming from a metaphysical facility that she remained in fact lured was Jesus themself. She and likewise her associates produced coaches that filled hundreds of unoccupied site over a time frame of 7 years which eventually wound up being "A Course In Miracles."

 A trademark of the ACIM instruction course is really that worthless on its own performs definitely not exist. The ACIM mentors highly recommend that by teaching your notions suitably, you might very easily learn that there is in fact no such part as ominous, and also likewise that it is really simply a viewpoint or a solitary trait that people have really pointed out up to prevent in addition to in addition deal with the activities as well as thoughts of those who are actually surely not with the ability of thinking for on their own. ACIM urges that the only factor that performs exist is actually correct interest along with that innocent concepts as well as additionally emotionally best reasoning are going to most definitely certainly not make it possible for practically just about just about anything like wicked to exist.

 These referrals as well as furthermore views upset a considerable amount of folks that included a bunch of the substantial religions given that, while they upheld a variety of the similar guidelines, this instruction program also tried to find to have folks definitely think that wickedness is truly surely not real as well as additionally for that reason wrong is actually additionally astounding. ACIM on its own produces an effort to have individuals count on the earnestness along with also a definitely excellent concept surroundings as well as additionally practices as well as likewise in the uncomplicated truth that definitely nothing whatsoever may merely injure you unless you believe that it can. New Age certifications were actually user-friendly onto these principles considered that many of the New Age religious beliefs are in fact positioned out inappropriate in addition to satisfaction however, the power of one's exceptionally personal notions and similarly feeling.

 ACIM does offer some mentors regarding precisely just how to clear by yourself of messing up along with disappointed feelings that are actually burdening your life together with problems in addition to developing sickness alongside issue daily. A Course In Miracles coaches you that you are definitely responsible for these experiences as well as they are actually only paining you. Because of that, it hinges on you to remove every one of every one of all of them emerging from your way of living for your personal joy as well as delight and success.

 A Course in Miracles is actually an assortment of self-study products discharged due to the Foundation for Inner Peace. The publication's internet content generalises, and also shows forgiveness as used day-to-day online. Oddly, no area carries out the paper have an author (along with it is actually thereby described without a writer's title as a result of the U.S. Library of Congress). Having mentioned that, the sms message was actually cultivated by Helen Schucman (decayed) in addition to likewise William Thetford; Schucman has in fact attached that guide's details is in fact based upon communications to her originating from an "values" she professed was actually Jesus. The first version of the publication was truly discharged in 1976, along with a tweaked variety introduced in 1996. Part of the part is in fact an advisor overview, as well as furthermore an apprentice book. As a result of the reality that the definitely 1st version, the manual has really made use of various thousand matches, along with analyses in to basically two-dozen overseas languages.

 Overview's begins may be mapped back to the early 1970s; Helen Schucman initially expertises alongside the "principles" generated her after that manager, William Thetford, to seek advice from Hugh Cayce at the Association for Research as well as Enlightenment. Ultimately, an overview to Kenneth Wapnick (at some point guide's author) occurred. Currently of the introduction, Wapnick was actually qualified psycho therapist. After appointment, Schucman and likewise Wapnik committed over a year personalizing the element and also altering. An extra resource, this odds of Schucman, Wapnik, as well as Thetford to Robert Skutch aside from Judith Skutch Whitson, of the Foundation for Inner Peace. The 1st posts of guide for blood stream flow kept in 1975. Ever since, copyright judicial case as a result of the Foundation for Inner Peace, in addition to Penguin Books, has in fact produced that the world wide web material of the very 1st edition stays in everybody domain.

 A Course in Miracles is really a guideline device; the instruction course possesses 3 magazines, a 622-page sms message, a 478-page apprentice manual, and also an 88-page coaches handbook. The world wide web component of A Course in Miracles handle both the academic and also the operational, although procedure of the magazine's component is in fact distressed. Neither guide not either the Course in Miracles is actually proposed to complete the clients's knowing; just, the components are definitely a start.

 A Course in Miracles varies in between understanding and also in addition concept; truth remains in fact rigorous in addition to likewise limitless, while view is in fact the globe of chance, improvement, in addition to additionally evaluation. The planet of opinion reinforces the popular tips in our thoughts, and also preserves our team separate emerging coming from the truth, and likewise numerous originating coming from God.

 Social media site seems like anything in this particular entire world, i.e., anticipated idea and likewise experiences along with the particulars of the arrogance improper thought and feelings. Online strikes in the spot for A Course in Miracles (ACIM) are actually along with the different viewpoints, prices determine and additionally a wide array of other notifications where our provider respond to our interpretation which then winds up being actually the acknowledgment for our response (T-12. I. 1) or even our trigger for providing, etc. All pupils possess a traditional challenge in between kind and likewise internet material and also what it signifies to sign up with thus permit's definitely not desserts layer it: Social media is actually kinds (projected material of the self-pride improper thoughts) from directing the wrong thoughts. Emerging coming from the starting it is actually a collection of attacks till our workers get rid of along with begin identifying (taking part in) with the excellent thought and feelings as well as sensations.

 Also in the Course, our specialists all loosen up online together with some kind of a digital device mindlessly executing our pleasure aspect. Okay, some could be rising, lazing or throwing:

 Relaxing around as well as also explaining the Course is really not the very same variable as performing the effort of examining the text and also additionally placing the suggestions straight into procedure to develop what the Course suggests (Kenneth Wapnick, Rules for Decision).

 In the exact same Rules, Wapnick similarly uncovers, "What offers the self-pride its personal power is your having in truth followed it, your identity originating from it." Forms are anticipated as a defense versus the contrary as well as in addition are actually simply alongside the self-pride inaccurate notions along with additionally as a result they perform undoubtedly not matter.

 Because of the truth that social networking sites is really all stressing types which are shabby estimates of the vanity, our team reside in simple fact after that visiting the Sonship as shaggy that makes the mistake authentic. Specialness is actually valued as an idolizer positioned before the Love of God and also those pertained to variations maintain the splitting up psychological. Definitely any sort of kind of kind of substandard high quality our group examine in an additional online (or also anywhere) requires to be located in every of the Sonship considering that our team're in fact One. That is in simple fact why abuse isn't details and also requires to be in fact surrendered (T-7. VI.1).

 Certain procedures, "Also specific and individually distinct." All strike in any sort of type of type of kind is actually those similar as well as additionally is indicated to divide the of the Sonship because of the truth that it assaults (fragments) the Sonship making use of varieties rather than. Our pros might locate why Wapnick will definitely state that it is in fact unbearable to use the Course as a thing when it is really specifically a Course settled in oneness.

 Permit's consist of set of many various other terms emblematic imitation analyses taking into consideration that these remain in fact each utilized throughout the Course:

 Emphasize: Clearly present the life and also reality of one thing with delivering paperwork or even possibly evidence.

Recommendation: A factor that brings about an individual to bear in mind the important point.

 Unloving Reminders

 In the Course, "To train is actually to present (M-in.2) in addition to our staff remain in reality continuously mentoring, or even possibly validating the vanity or maybe God every flash, i.e., the totally delighted thought and feelings aside from which our crew have picked to learn and even join. For comparison, the web information of the self-pride is in fact many predicted as well as likewise various kinds; and likewise the info of the best thought and feelings is actually really uniformity, sameness, i.e., Love (no projections).

 Our sibling or siblings belong people. They are the ones that show our organisation that our business are truly for our finding out is actually a result of what our pros have educated each of every one of them (T-9. VI.3) - the vanity and even God - on a regular basis. As the daydreamer of the aspiration (T-27. VII.), our unprejudiced volumes (those online along with our team and also our siblings) are actually truly executing what our experts are dreaming they are really achieving located upon what our crew've advised (legitimized). They are actually ethical thinking about that it is our requirement. Our specialists showed splitting up or even a savage strike presumed versus God as a result our professionals all present stated attack in a great deal of shabby kinds. If our team eliminate ourselves of what our business have in simple fact taught (selected for) as withstood to assaulting, our team uncover that our provider are actually by means of our siblings that are really the same.

 Throughout the entire world, people build up alongside other equivalent trainees to read through the Course along with each other therefore concerning better know the Course's information. Within this time frame of also social and also electronic media, A Course in Miracles can easily remain in fact gotten in digital publication type, on Compact Disc, as effectively as through ways of apple iphone Apps. There are actually a great deal of trainings as properly as main curriculum situated upon the approach of A Course in Miracles, and also specific trainings on vital Course recommendations, like True Forgiveness or maybe Cause as well as Effect. A Course in Miracles is really a training system; the instruction course has 3 magazines, a 622-page text message, a 478-page student book, in addition to additionally an 88-page educators travel book. When it's precisely a Course installed in oneness, our staff might locate why Wapnick is going to absolutely specify that it is really crazy to make use of the Course as a resource.

 There are actually in simple fact a lot of programs as properly as primary course of study based upon the technique of A Course in Miracles, and also particular courses on necessary Course concepts, such as True Forgiveness or even maybe Cause in add-on to Effect. A Course in Miracles is really an instruction unit; the guideline training program possesses 3 magazines, a 622-page text message, a 478-page apprentice publication, as well as similarly an 88-page teachers guide. Our professionals might find why Wapnick is going to certainly mention that it is in fact horrendous to utilize the Course as an item when it is in fact exactly a Course situated in whole.

 There are definitely a wonderful package of trainings as properly as major informative course situated upon the technique of A Course in Miracles, as well as additionally particular trainings on necessary Course ideas, such as True Forgiveness or even Cause as properly as Effect. Our staff may locate why Wapnick will certainly say that it is actually crazy to make use of the Course as a device when it is actually precisely a Course set up in unity.

[garyrenard-blog]

Unwind Your Mind Reviews & Tips

A Course In Miracles

A Course in Miracles is actually therefore pure, thus remarkable, thus effective, and therefore considerably even more emotionally state-of-the-art than every other part of the world's literature (past as well as current), that you possess to really experience it to think it. Yet those whose thoughts are actually also affixed to life ideas, as well as are without the underlying crave true spiritual knowledge that is actually necessary for its understanding, are going to likely certainly not comprehend a solitary entire webpage. That is actually not due to the fact that A Course in Miracles is actually puzzling - as a matter of fact its principles are actually remarkably basic - yet rather considering that it is the attributes of religious knowledge that those that are not all set to know it, merely can not recognize it. As specified in the Bible, at the starting point of the manual of John: "The sunlight shineth in darkness, and night understood it certainly not".

Since I initially heard of the majestic and mind-blowing presence of God, I have enjoyed reading through many splendid spiritual works like the Bible (my favored components are actually the Sermon on the Mount and also Psalms), the Bhagavad-Gita, the Upanishads, the Koran and also the poetry of Kabir and also Rumi. None resemble the greatness of a Course in Miracles Reading it with an open mind and also heart, your concerns and difficulties get rid of. You familiarize a spectacular affection deep within you - much deeper than everything you recognized previously. The future begins to seem therefore luminous for you and also your adored ones. You think affection for every person consisting of those you earlier have made an effort to leave behind excluded. These adventures are actually really powerful as well as at times toss you off equilibrium a little, but it is actually worth it: A Course in Miracles presents you to an affection thus calm, therefore strong and also therefore common - you are going to ponder how many of the globe's religions, whose intention is allegedly an identical knowledge, acquired therefore mistaken acim.

I wish to mention right here to any type of Christian who believes that his church's teachings do not definitely fulfill his thirst to know a kind, merciful as well as loving God, but is actually quite afraid to read the Course because of others' claims that it is irregular with "correct" Christianity: Don't fret! I have reviewed the scriptures lot of times and also I ensure you that a Course in Miracles is totally constant along with Jesus' mentors while he was actually on the planet. Do not be afraid of the fanatical defenders of exclusionist view - these inadequate people assume themselves to be actually the only carriers of Jesus' notification, and also the only ones worthy of his great things, while all various other will certainly go to heck. A Course in Miracles demonstrates Jesus' real notification: outright passion for * all individuals *. While he got on the planet, Jesus said to evaluate a tree through its fruit product. Thus give it a try out as well as observe just how the fruit products that advance in your lifestyle flavor. If they try bad, you can easily abandon A Course in Miracles. However if they taste as pleasant as my own carry out, and also the numerous other true hunters that have actually discovered A Course in Miracles to become nothing at all lower than an incredible jewel, after that congratulations - and might your center consistently be perfectly full of serene, nurturing delight.

Transforming Lives Through A Course in Miracles.

As the label suggests, A Course in Miracles is a training gadget. It shows our company what is actually true as well as what is unreal, and leads our company to the straight knowledge of our very own Inner Teacher.

The Course is organized in three parts: a text, a book for trainees as well as a handbook for educators. The Text offers the principles rooting the Course. The book consists of 365 day-to-day trainings that provide students the possibility to apply as well as experience the ideas on an useful amount. The instructor's handbook is provided in a question and also solution format, taking care of common concerns that a student may inquire; it likewise gives a definition of terms utilized throughout the Course.

On How everything Began

The Course was composed through Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford, pair of strongly taught as well as productive Professors of Psychology at Columbia University's College of Physicians as well as Surgeons in New York City. Helen was actually the scribe for the Course, creating down in shorthand the inner information she obtained. Bill typed what Helen created. It took an overall of seven years to complete A Course in Miracles, which was actually 1st released in 1976 in the United States. Helen created additional handouts. Her Song of Prayer was actually published in 1977 and also The Gift of God in 1978.

Over the past 34 years, the appeal of A Course in Miracles has developed as well as spread out worldwide. It has actually been equated in to 18 various languages and also even more interpretations are in the works. Throughout the planet, folks collect along with other like-minded trainees to read through the Course together if you want to much better recognize the Course's notification. In this particular era of electronic and social media, A Course in Miracles could be acquired in electronic book format, on Compact Disc, and also by means of apple iphone Apps. You can easily socialize with other Course trainees on Facebook, Yahoo Groups, Twitter, as well as numerous other sites acim.

Experiencing the Course

The Course is designed to be a self-study device. Nevertheless, many pupils find that their 1st communication with the component is actually complicated and also difficult - the adjustment in perspective that it delivers is contrary to conventional thinking. Taking a promotional class along with a trained facilitator or even instructor enables a gentler position to these originalities and an extra meeting expertise.

There are actually several lessons and also curricula based upon the ideology of A Course in Miracles, and also even certain courses on crucial Course concepts, like True Forgiveness or Cause as well as Effect. Such training class provide pupils the possibility to experience the idea and also treatment of certain material more deeply. Through such deep-seated knowledge, many students locate the reassurance of inner peace and the pleasure of understanding the Inner Teacher.

A Very Brief History of a Course in Miracles

Over 40 years back, a psycho therapist coming from Columbia University started to funnel revelations coming from a spiritual facility that she was actually encouraged was Jesus himself. She and also her associates created teachings that filled numerous vacant web pages over a time period of seven years which later ended up being "A Course In Miracles."

The psycho therapist was actually a Jewish gal called Helen Schucman, and she told individuals that Jesus Christ themself was her personal feeling resource for these trainings and also teachings. These trainings were expected to supply support for folks to find out that they were actually the a single responsible of their very own emotions, perspectives, actions as well as fates. The trainings took a lot of charges of actions out of the equation. Definitely, a characteristic of the ACIM program is actually that bad itself carries out not exist. The ACIM trainings urge that by qualifying your thoughts effectively, you may know that there is actually no such trait as heinous, and that it is actually merely an understanding or even something that other folks have put together to scare as well as handle the actions and also ideas of those that are actually not qualified of presuming for on their own. ACIM insists that the only thing that does exist is pure love as well as that innocent thoughts and also emotionally right reasoning will certainly not permit anything like wicked to exist.

These tips and ideas angered numerous people who came from a few of the significant faiths considering that, while they espoused a lot of the exact same concepts, this program also found to possess folks believe that wickedness is actually unreal as well as for that reason wrong is actually additionally certainly not actual. ACIM itself makes an effort to possess individuals care about the sanctity of right as well as practical views as well as habits as well as in the simple fact that nothing at all can easily hurt you unless you feel that it can. New Age masters were actually easy to grasp onto these principles since much of the New Age religions are located out sin and also redemption but the electrical power of one's own thoughts and also sense.

ACIM does provide some trainings concerning exactly how to rid yourself of mad and negative feelings that are flooding your life with complications and also making illness as well as distress day by time. A Course In Miracles instructs you that you are in charge of these sensations and also they are actually merely injuring you. As a result, it is up to you to free them coming from your life for your own joy and happiness and also abundance.

For More Information Visit https://a-course-in-miracles.org/

[iloveshayanderson-blog]

The Start of a New Trilogy

Riding the success of 3 album releases in just 2017 alone, Brockhampton, a rap collective based in California, announced in April their fourth studio album, Puppy. Which would be the groups first non independent album, after signing with RCA. To further the hype, the group deactivated their social media accounts, had they only know what would happen in the time they were away. Because a series of allegations would surface against a member of their group, Ameer Vann.  He was forced to reactivate his accounts, to be able to comment on the allegations. He confessed and apologized, yet stood firm, denying the more serious allegations. All while the rest of the group where still on their hiatus from social media. But they couldn't stay quiet forever. Kevin Abstract, the group's leader, announced the delay of Puppy. It seemed as if the worst was over, but only days later the groups official twitter would release a statement, stating Ameer was no longer part of Brockhampton.

Brockhampton decided kicking him out was the best for their careers, and mental health. Ameer’s actions clash with their image as progressive rap group, and their very morals. Although important, his departure will not result in the groups decline, as many bands have shown the ability to evolve, and even become better. After the Saturation trilogy, the group found themselves lacking creativity, now they must tweak their sound, to be able to benefit the remaining members, and force them to step up and fill the void left by Ameer.

Months after the statement, on May 27th, the group have come to terms with their decision, even announcing a new trilogy of albums, The Best Years of Our Lives. Fans however took longer coming to terms, with the departure of manys favorite member. For awhile fans took sides, resenting the group's decision to cast out Ameer. Others happy a “Emotionally manipulative and mentally abusive,” person left, as Rhett Rowan, one of the woman accusing the artist, said. Even till this day, on comment sections of new songs, and reviews from their new album, Iridescence, fans continue to argue, if the group made the right call. Creating a toxic environment in their respected fan discourses. Ameer stans wanting Brockhampton to fail just to prove a point. While social justice warriors condemn a flawed man, trying to better himself. Regardless of fans discussion, the group will continue to make music. Making it for those who respect their views, and choices.

 Brockhampton has always tried to be a progressive band since its creation, and appeal to a confused, and unsure youth, much like themselves. The lead member of the group, Kevin Abstract, is open about his homosexuality, and is very much for being loud and proud of your true self. He references his homesexuality heavily in his music, and he does it in part, because there is not many openly gay rappers in hip-hop. Hip-hop for the most part, has been a braggadocious genre of music, where men flaut the women, money, and cars they have on hand. Kevin Abstract and the rest of Brockhampton have set out to be a band that tears down walls. Whether the wall is changing hip-hop stereotypes, or creating a safe place for the LGBT community, or others who have been silenced for to long. Having someone in the group who has manipulated women, would downplay the work they have done to become a progressive band in the eyes of their fans. The image they want to have, clashed with the actions of their friend, and had to get rid of him.

Ameer’s dismissal was not only because he would taint their image. They had to let him go, because he lied to them, and went against their very morals. In Kevins own words, the band felt like he “broke that trust -- he did break that trust.” Not only did they feel lied to, but Ameer’s actions clashed with the groups morals, a good example is Matt Champion. On their second album, Saturation 2, Matt Champion delivers one of his best verses. The song in specific is titled, JUNKY, a song with each member giving details on issues they have with themselves or the world. Matt talks about rape culture, and his frustration that many men get away with mental, emotional, and or physical abuse towards women. Sometimes the crimes go unreported. He makes it personal by showing these woman could be your mother, sister, or daughter. It's a heavy line, and an awkward line considering the men Matt describes, fit Ameers characteristics brought up by the allegations. Ultimately being lied to, and there clash of morals lead to his removal.

Losing an important member of a band, especially the face of the trilogy of albums that gave them mainstream attention, is never ideal. Yes Ameer was important, and a fan favorite for his charisma, and charm he brought. But it doesn’t mean Brockhampton is doomed to fail. Many bands have proved the loss of a member is nothing but “A bump in the road.” It may come as a surprise but Ringo Starr was not the Beatles original drummer. Before they settled on Ringo, they went through a period of time with a revolving cast of drummers. The most notable omission from the group is Pete Best. Pete was removed from the group, because he didn’t connect with the group, and his level of drumming was not good enough for the group. Ultimately Pete’s dismissal was harsh, as their driver was the one who had to break the news to him. Ringo would then take the vacant spot, and well the rest is history. Bands losing key members isn't anything new, though at times harsh, it is best for the rest of the collective and their careers. Yet Brockhampton aren't new to having to cope with the loss of members. Because they have already done it

The group consists of 13 members, a combination of singers, rappers, producers, photographers, videographers, and other jobs involved in the group. But the group used to be even bigger, before Ameer’s dismissal. Before the commercial success of their Saturation Trilogy in 2017, the group released a free mixtape titled, All American Trash. Along with the 13 current members, and Ameer, before his dismissal. There were two additional members, Rodney Tenor and Albert Gorden. Rodney Tenor who was originally part of a small group, AliveSinceForever, which consisted of Brockhampton members Kevin Abstract, Dom McLennon, and the former Ameer Vann. The group would rebrand themselves and add the rest of the group, to form Brockhampton. After the mixtape release, Tenor would leave due to creative differences. Gorden a producer for the group, had originally helped produce some of  Matt Champions solo songs. There were allegations Gorden slept with Matt Champion's partner at the time which promptly caused him to be kicked from the group. From the first mixtape to their Saturation Trilogy, the group had to change up their sound to make up for the loss of a talented singer-songwriter, Rodney Tenor, and a whole project whose production was heavily created from Albert Gorden’s mind. Yet the group redefined themselves and created a trilogy of albums, that got them mainstream attention.

Most artists and bands, usually releases 1 full album a year, lord willing. But Brockhampton decided to saturate the market, and release a trilogy of albums, but releasing to much content has its own set of problems. The group pointed out the constraints they had created for themselves having to make each album fit the parameters of the Saturation trilogy. HK, the visual designer of the group explained how they felt making, Iridescence. “Making a third album in a trilogy where you’ve already set parameters and guidelines of how things should be. Having that open canvas again, has been the most refreshing thing.” The group felt constrained by their own creativity, Ameers departure from the group forces them to find that creativity and create something entirely unique to make up for the loss of Ameer. Brockhamptons versatility will be tested, but it also opens a spot for some of their more backup members to come out into the spotlight and shine.

Brockhampton don’t have to go out and replace Ameer, they have a few members fans would love to hear more from, one who comes to mind is Ciarán McDonald. Better know by his stage name, Bearface, is a member of the group fans have asked more from him. On the Saturation trilogy he rarely showed up, only providing background vocals, or where ever his voice was needed. He did play a huge role in the background, credited with many writing and producing credits on all three albums. Yet on the last track of each album, Bearface is given a track entirely to himself. While most rap albums usually end with the most hard hitting song, the Saturation trilogy takes different approach to closing an album. Almost like a left hook, Bearface comes in with beautiful vocals and serenades you until the album is finished. While the listener sits there confused, wanting more of Bearface, yet they only ever get him to close the album. Bearface, and other members have the talent to fill the void left by Ameer. It’s up the the group to be able to evolve their sound to get more from Bearface, and the rest.

Many die hard fans of Ameer will argue, the music they put out will never be as good as the original Saturation Trilogy of 2017. How could they replace the hole left by Ameer, he was one of their best lyricists in the group. There is no denying Ameer was different, his energy, his anger, the rawness of what he wrote about. He was in a class of his own, but Brockhampton was never about one person staring. Brockhampton is a collective of friends, who each bring their own talents and strengths to the table. It might take time for them to get over his loss not only in their music, but in their personal lives. But they have proven to be able to.

Brockhampton had to move on from losing Rodney Tenor, and Albert Gorden in the past. The pair were instrumental to laying the foundations of the group. Yet they moved on just fine, creating 3 great albums. However many argue the group won’t be able to move on from the loss of Ameer. After the news came out, the group cancelled their remaining tour dates, and scraped their album Puppy. The group spent months in deep emotional pain, they kicked out a close friend, and were lost. What seemed like the worst was to come, the group appeared on the Tonight Show, with a new single and a new album on the way. The future looked bright for the boys from Houston Texas.     Ameer’s controversial removal from Brockhampton will be a topic, that will always be in discussion. Fans will continue arguing whether the decision was justified, or if they did it to satisfy the social justice warriors, berating them on social media demanding his exile. Ultimately for their careers they made the right decision, because they are a progressive group with an image to uphold. Brockhampton aren't the first band to lose a pivotal member, and they won’t be the last, and they have more than enough talented members to make up for the loss of Ameer. They are capable of changing their sound, and utilizing members who did not get used properly on their previous work. Brockhampton have moved on from the Ameer situation, distancing themselves from the controversy. Weather fans agree, they will continue to make music, that they are proud of.

Annotated Bibliography

@brckhmptn. “Ameer is no longer in BROCKHAMPTON.” Twitter, 27 May 2018, 4:47 a.m., https://twitter.com/brckhmptn/status/1000705013747015680

    Brockhampton’s  official twitter responded, announcing to the world that Ameer was no longer in the band. They wanted to apologize on their behalf, to Ameers victims. They were lied to and are sorry for not addressing the rumors earlier. They also state they do not tolerate abuse of any kind, and know this is not a solution, but a step in the right direction for them. They also cancel their remaining tour dates, to regroup. After months of speculation, fans would live their worst nightmare, knowing the allegations were true, and Ameer was no longer part of the group.

Price, Joe. “Ameer Vann Exits Brockhampton Amid Abuse Allegations.”Pigeons & Planes, 27 May 2018,www.pigeonsandplanes.com/news/2018/05/ameer-vann-leaves-brockhampton.

    The article talks about some of the allegations that arouse earlier in the month. That Ameer was “emotionally manipulative and mentally abusive.” There was also allegations about sexual relations with a minor, which Vann went on to deny. Yet he did admit to the other allegations, days passed till Kevin, the frontman of the group, talked about the situation on a instagram video. Were everything seemed fine, till a performance without Ameer, lead them to finally announce Ameer was no longer part of Brockhampton. It shows a timeline, of all the allegations, giving false hope with Kevins livestream, only for Ameer to be booted out of the band.

Saponara, Michael. “BROCKHAMPTON's Ameer Vann Denies Allegations of Sexual Misconduct.” billboard, 14 Apr. 2018, www.billboard.com/articles/columns/hip-hop/8455909/brockhampton-ameer-vann-denies-allegations-of-sexual-misconduct

    Of their high of releasing 3 albums in one year, each with critical acclaim. Ameer Vann was accused by multiple women on twitter. Each recalling their past relations with the rapper, and performer. One user claimed he was a predator and a cheater, emotionally abusive, among other things. A singer that Ameer dated in the past also claimed the same things, also bringing up, that before they went out together, he had relations with an underage girl. Ameer would then take to twitter to apologize for his past behavior, being selfish, childish, and unkind. But also deny the allegations of him having relations with a minor, violating anybody's consent, and criminally harming anyone. These allegations by multiple women would ultimately be the catalyst which lead to Ameer being exiled from the band.

“BROCKHAMPTON Kicks Out Ameer Vann.” Youtube, uploaded by Fantano, 27 May 2018,  www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1A4uQJLSiA

Anthony Fantano a highly respected music critic on Youtube. Talks about the repercussions of Ameer being kicked from the group. Brockhampton had an album set for a June release, but Kevin the lead member of Brockhampton said the album would be pushed back. But Anthony talks about the album being scraped completely, since many songs mostly had Ameer on them, and many tracks Ameer had creative input. He also talks about the contrast of fans reactions, some defending, and some agreeing with his exile. Anthony Fantano was the reason I learned about Brockhampton, and for many fans to, his views on the matter are balanced, showing both sides of each argument.

Kim, Michelle. “BROCKHAMPTON Kick Out Ameer Vann Over Sexual Misconduct Allegations.” Pitchfork,  27 May 2018, www.pitchfork.com/news/brockhampton-kick-out-ameer-vann-over-sexual-misconduct-allegations/

Just as every article, it brings up the allegations against Ameer, and Brockhampton’s decision to remove Ameer from the band. It also talks about the performance at a musical festival that showed the band perform without him, days before the would announce his exile from the band. They do share the identity of one of the women who made claims against Ameer. Rhett Rowan, shares about her past relationship with Ameer, calling him “emotionally manipulative and mentally abusive.” Also claiming to knowing Ameer had sexual relations with a minor. Sharing the identity of one of Ameers victims helps shine a light in society, and that fact many people stay quiet, and do not tell anyone of their abuse. 

[theghostwritersstory-blog]

pro·jec·tion prəˈjekSH(ə)n/ Part 1

Definition

A psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.

BACKGROUND

Growing up, I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a loner. And that’s not to say that I’m antisocial, or incapable of building bonds with others. It’s actually the contrary, when I do form bonds they are very near and dear to me, and I cherish them with everything I have. I just always had this sense of self, that others confused with me “distancing myself”, when in reality I would always seek solitude for progression.

At my most outgoing, I can even be the life of the party, if I want to be. I also have created some long-lasting friendships that I’ll always cherish, even if they may have ended, the love doesnt. However, being an only-child made me very comfortable with temporarily retreating back to my solitude, when need be. Part of living in solitude, means not always being “in the mix”, or surrounded by the crowd. One thing I’ve learned, is that when you are more to yourself, and people don’t really know you, they are more likely to create projections about you.

WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW, THEY’LL MAKE IT UP

I don’t know why, but I think that others find comfort in trying to figure out who you are, especially when they don’t really know. And when people are less likely to truly know who you are, they can develop a habit of making it up, whether they realize this or not. Even people that you are close to can project onto you as well.

I think that’s why I’ve always been so enthralled in the concept projections, their meaning, and why some of us are so comfortable making them.

We live in a world where many will judge you based on their own beliefs/perceptions, deep within their subconscious mind. Some people have certain character traits that they may like to deny having, such as; anger, jealousy, envy, greed, territorialism, bitterness, neediness, that they try to project onto other people. They launch psychological defense mechanisms to externalize the problem, and shift these characteristics to someone other than themselves.

SPEAK TRUTH, OR DON’T SPEAK AT ALL

One thing that I’ve always despised in life, was for people to be untruthful about the way that a situation happened, or someone claiming false characteristics about another person. Not many things bother me, but when I find out the truth is not told, or made to seem different than what has truly HAPPENED, this can bother me for YEARS. I just always felt that deep in my heart, this was one of the few things that can truly vex me, for a long period of time. This is why I spend so much time defnding my truth. I’m so big on the truth, and half the time I just wish the full story was told, when others decide to tell one-sided falsities. You can tell me how someone responded, but I’m going to want to know what caused the reaction. Because it does matter. All sides of the story matter. I felt that certain people were threatened by my ability to just be who I was, alone and unaccepted at times, without many people knowing me personally. When people don't genuinely know you, they will rush to make up things, or believe anything told about you. Even people you know will change stories to create another picture in someone eles’s head. It's almost like it gives them a sense of self-worth and acceptance, that they attempted to deny from you. The only problem is, I gave that freedom to myself, long ago. I’ve accepted myself. 

Some of the projections I've heard about myself:

“You’re a goald digger, interested in money.”

This was one of the more hilarious ones to me, as I don’t know why I would be working so hard to build my own career, if I were ever planning to be dependant solely on a man for money. To be honest, I plan on being the bread-winner of my future family. Plus I'm pretty comfortable financially, and my family has money. My ex in college started this narrative about me, even though he constantly tried to bribe me with material things once I ended it with him, things that I would always reject. From the outside looking in, when people can’t quite tell where a woman gets her money, they will always assume it’s coming from a man, and this always baffled me about society. I’ve been in relationships where I was wined and dined, and taken out, treated special, given surprises and flowers, the usual. But it was never in a self-serving or monetary-seeking, type of way, more-so mutual. I also gave back and did my part in these relationships too, even if I didn’t spend AS MUCH money in return. I really don’t know what it is about my appearance that gets this misconstrued, I don’t even walk around in designer! I’ve been approached by a few potential sugar daddies, and this has never been appealing. People that  accuse you of this are more likely to be charmed or impressed by money, they want to be money-seeker that they think you are. 

 “She thinks she’s too good.”

Ironically, I kept getting this from people, during one of the hardest times of my life. I was in college, and I would go to certain classes and be very to myself. Some even saw it to be “standoffish”, but in reality, they had no idea what I was going through. It will honestly shock you how offended others are when you simply are staying to yourself. I was in the midst of trying to get rid of a very toxic and harassing ex in my life, where at the peak of his harassment, I ended up having to get a restraining order (another story for another time). However, it really does shows you how others base things off of their own perception, and not facts. These were projections because these were some of the same people in many cases, that were the ones creating these “groups”, and hierarchies, that they made clear not everyone could be apart of. I’m not sure if I was supposed to kiss as or what, but that’s never been me. So many of these poeple were constantly rejecting those around them, this is why they took my solitude as rejection. They were projecting their feelings of being “too good”, onto me. Either that, or THEY thought I was ‘better’ in some way, if the makes any sense. 

“Oh, your looks aren't going to get you far. Gotta have substance.”

This is my favorite, because it actually gave me confidence that I initially didn’t have. I’ve never really thought of myself as being “pretty”, even when I hear this from others it can be shocking, I don't know why. Not to say that I’m unhappy with how I look, because I am, but we’ve all gone through the process of accepting our flaws, and getting to that point. I’ve just honestly never considered my “looks”, to even be top 5 things about me. If anything, people will find you to be “attractive”, and care less about your story, or what you internally have to offer. So to hear this back-handed compliment from others, actually gave me comfort. Some people try so hard to “look beneath the surface”, that they don’t realize, judging a person based on nothing but external looks is shallow in itself, period. People are so ironic in this way. What was more apparent to me, was that these people usually just didn’t find themselves to be attractive, whatever that may be to them (beauty is in the eye of the beholder.) But it was clearer to me than ever, that these people did not find external beauty within themselves. And not to be cocky, but these people usually were the ones to lack the “substance”. Also, many seem to think that just because they spend less time on their outer appearance, that they have more smarts, this is not the case. THIS is shallow. This is projecting.

“Nobody likes you.”

I’ve had a few people that seemingly disliked me for no apparent reason, sometimes for no reason other than what they “heard”, or thought they “knew” about me. I think when others see you getting love from particular people, even when you don’t put forth much effort to get that love, they feel a need to wonder why you’re getting it. They will try anything they can to make you feel that others don’t like you, when in reality this is far from the case. And that’s why they have the need to make you feel otherwise. Something has made them feel the need to be accepted and like by everyone, so if they try to scare you with that same fear, maybe you will fear right along with them right? Wrong. I’ve dealt with negativity in life, but I received way more love. 

“She's crazy”.

We live in  world where it’s so easy to make a woman seem “crazy”. It is a narrative that has been pushed for far too long. To be honest I never felt like the craziest one in my relationships, it was always the man. I’m talking about the stereotypical things “psycho” women do in movies, that was my exes. And most times, when I have been accused of being crazy by men, its usually when I’ve caught on to lies, or cheating, go figure. I think I’m crazy in the way that I think differently, and the way I expose my truths with no shame, in the eyes of others. But other than that I actually find myself to be a lot saner than most. I’ve had outbursts and reacted hastily to certain situations, but this is far and few, and I’m usually reacting, not starting. I recently, (months ago now) got cheated on by one of the most controling and inseure men I’ve ever dealt with. He was always accusing me of wanting others guys, never wanted me to go out, blew up my phone constantly, and in realty, it was because was guilty of his own unfaithful ways-- projection. This person tried to come back into my life, until I started to confront him with the things I knew, and the lies I uncovered. All of a sudden, I was the “crazy” one. He was one of the craziest people I’ve ever been with, during our relaionship, so I could not belive he tried to change the narrative. But I’ve learned some men have to do this, when they know they ruined a good thing, to feel like they have some power in how the situation has ended. He knew it was over, and did express regret until he decided to project. Even went as far to lie to himself and say we weren’t together at the time. It’s crazy what people will do to justify their actions. In my world, cheating is unforgivable.

TO BE CONTINUED... (PART 2)

[ppgang]

OTOTOY 3 PART INTERVIEW TRANSLATION - PART 3

GANG PARADE 3 PARTS INTERVIEW “7 CURRENT MEMBERS LOOK BACK AT GANG PARADE'S PROGRESS 3RD PART”

The seven members idol group GANG PARADE (under, GANPARE). Since May 2017, with the indefinite trade with BiS between Kamiya Saki and Aya Eight Prince, the group is continuing activities with Aya as one of the 7 members. With this new formation they released their first album on 11/21. On 11/20 the live at Ebisu LIQUID ROOM had tickets sold out, the girls with promising growth's past will be visited in this 3 part interview. Along that, the series with lamen's reviews by Yui Ga Dokuson is renewed to curry in [Yui Ga Dokuson's Fueled by Curry]!! Dokuson will seriously eat and make curry reports, and if she can't complete the mission she'll be immediately stoped!? Check the series along!!

INTERVIEW: GANG PARADE

GANG PARADE, idol group in WACK, the same agency as BiS and BiSH. On 11/20 their one man live at Ebisu LIQUID ROOM had tickets sold out quickly, the girls are ridding in the momentum. But so far their path hasn't been easy. With 2 name changes, member's withdrawal, Kamiya Saki's hiatus, rental trades, etc, they surpassed many walls by persevering steadily. At OTOTOY, we'll look back at the path with the current 7 members, publicizing their story in 3 parts. We don't want to overlook GANPARE's promising growth.

Interview: Nishizawa Hiroo

Photo: Jumpei Yamada

NEW START ON 2017~WACK TRAINING CAMP AUDITION (2017/01~2017/03)

- Beginning 2017, the number of appearances with groups of same WACK production, BiS and BiSH, increased. Among the 3 groups GANPARE used to be the top batter but, on 01/03 at AKASAKA BLITZ during the MC Miki-chan made the declaration that they would change this order.

Aya Eight Prince (under, Aya): At this time I was still a BiS member but, I clearly remember thinking “Amazing!” when Miki-chan said “We'll definitely change this order!!!”.

- From 02/12 to 02/15, GANPARE had a 4 consecutive days live at Nakano heavy sick ZERO, a place of start to WACK groups where former BiS had their first one man live.

Terashima Yuuka (under, Yuuka): Wasn't it the first time we did a short play (laughs)?

Coco Partin Coco (under, Coco): Originally we did a short play at in-store event at the beginning of the year and that was why Doku and Yuyu fought (laughs).

Yui Ga Dokuson (under, Dokuson): The 2 of us talked a lot based on mistakes of that time. It turned out we wanted to show a satisfactory short play, since we are the kansai combi.

- From 03/28, trough 6 days the WACK training camp audition took place. From GANPARE Yua-chan and Yuyu, from BiS Pour Lui and Aya participated. With which feelings did you face the training camp audition?

Yumeno Yua (under, Yua): I thought it was a chance for people to know GANPARE's name, it was also a chance to show Yumeno Yua's name, so I thought I should do everything I could at my very best. I thought it would be a nice chance to make things that haven't really worked out so far to work out from now on. To give your best was a characteristic of POP, so I faced it with the feeling of being like GANPARE.

Yuuka: Because I had the unconscious feeling that being in GANPARE meant you had an athlete soul of directly giving your best, I think that both of us had the unconscious thought of “Let's snatch kennkyuuin and seisouin!!”. Besides, it's not something you measure by the number of fans, depending of things there are circumstances we win over BiS and BiSH, so I thought we definitely had to go meaning to win on those things.

- The 5 members who didn't go the training camp audition too came together and supported them.

Coco: Now too I can confidently say among the 3 groups we were the one with most unity. There was a LINE group the 2 of them didn't participate, the situation there was incredible (laughs).

Yuuka: The 5 of them were supposed to be training until late at night, so in the early morning when the training camp marathon ended and I checked twitter, all 5 of them were tweeting. I thought “When do these people sleep?” (laughs).

Coco: Everyday I would set my alarm to 5:59am, wake up, immediately watch niconama, and check everything while eating bread (laughs). Because every once in a while there was a member who slept, we would share how things went. But basically everyone was awake.

Dokuson: If there was anything that made the 2 of them slightly sad or shocked, the members who didn't go to the training camp audition would make a fuss like “we won't tolerate that”.

Coco: Because our mouth was really bad back then we would always use purification spray to improve the atmosphere (laughs).

Dokuson: On niconama comment's there would be people saying “who is GANPARE?”, so we would comment “GANPARE is the best!”.

Coco: Like “Yua-chan, cute!! Yua!! Yua!!”. Using the iPad Saki-chan had and our own smartphones we commented more than any other groups (laughs)! But after the training camp ended, the nature of comments changed, so we could see the change on the valuation regarding GANPARE, that made me happy.

Can Maika (under, Maika): I think the hard work of the 2 of them and their challenging spirit reached them.

Yuuka: On the other hand, the comments we didn't see, we thought “they must be making fun of us, so we had to work hard!!”, this feeling won so we didn't care.

AYA EIGHT PRINCE, RENTAL TRANSFER FROM BiS AND SUFFERING (2017/04~2017/06)

- On 04/02 at Yokohama Red bricks Warehouse, the WACK free event <WACK EXHiBiTiON> happened, you performed in front of approximately 3.000 people. At this stage it was announced the rental trade between Aya and Saki, how were Aya's feelings?

Aya: Back then I didn't understand anything… Even now I regret saying “I will work hard as a temporary member”, Go Zeela and Peri Ubu cried, I didn't imagined for a second I would be transferred. We joked among members that “someone might go to another group” but, I was nothing but surprised that I would trade with Kamiya Saki.

Coco: Saki-chan was always saying there might be something. I think she was prepared to accept everything.

Yua: She wrote a note too.

Coco: Yes! Saying that it was in case there was something. Because we didn't knew which song they would do at the training camp, she put together a note to Yua and Yuyu with how to teach the dances to the candidates.

- After that, how did you communicate with Aya?

Yua: In order to become a GANPARE member, she gave her best remembering all songs, so I think I accepted it relatively easy.

Aya: It will become like a reviewing but, if I think about it now, when I was in BiS it felt like was following Puu-chan. Without thinking about anything, because Puu-chan is there, it will become alright somehow, like I didn't think anything but that.

- After the WACK audition, when GANPARE's unity became stronger, wasn't Aya worried about entering this circle?

Aya: During April I was in a state of half crying, I couldn't complain to anyone. Not even to BiS members, and to say it to GANPARE members would be weird, I thought I wished May would come fast. Even though I want to work hard, a lot of feelings were boiling, it was an uncertain period.

- On 04/25 the single FOUL was released, on 04/30 with the one man live at Shimokitazawa SHELTER the <GANG PARADE BODY&7SOUL Tour> started, on 05/01 the Aya trade to GANG PARADE started.

Yuuka: When Saki-chan left, for the first time I realized how much Saki-chan did.

Coco: I think in BiS the main figure was Pour Lui but, for us it was Saki-chan. The person with the longest career will leave us but, in BiS their number will increase, so I really worried about that too.

Dokuson: At first Yuapippi worked really hard, she took the burden of more than a half of things that Saki-chan used to do. But each of us thought about what could we do and we each got in charge of that.

- Did the mood change after Aya joined?

Miki: I think the way the audience saw the lives also changed. Until now only Yuyu was tall but, since Aya joined the balance got better, Aya's strong voice got in charge of the first refrain or the beginning of the refrain, with all that I think it changed.

- Aya was doing activities in BiS but, with joining GANPARE, what did you think was good about GANPARE?

Aya: GANPARE's good point is being able to become one. BiS was like individually doing thing and freely YEY!!, but GANPARE it feels like everyone together making something. Inside WACK too that's characteristic, I also thought the dance was cool. I even thought “that's so cool!!” when I did it myself.

Coco: There are lot of songs you can play cool.

Aya: Like, I thought “I'm dancing!”

Coco: When the 3 former SiS members practiced to Shinjuku BLAZE one man, we said like “Amazing, it's like dancing”, but isn't dancing something obvious? But, before entering GANPARE there was no awareness of dancing. The 4 members who had that consciousness laughed. Maybe Aya felt like that too.

Aya: Yes. I thought “I'm dancing, isn't it cool?! (laughs). The counting I didn't know in BiS I first knew about it in GANPARE.

THE SETTLEMENT OF GANG PARADE 7 MEMBERS INCLUDING AYA (2017/7~2017/10)

- 2 months after Aya joined, on 07/07, the two man live with BiSH <THE DUEL> happened at Liquid ROOM. Looking at it back now, how was it?

Coco: It was frustrating. On 01/03 at the waiting room on Akasaka BLITZ, I heard Watanabe-san saying to BiSH “You were overwhelming”. At that time, I thought there was no way we could win but, because on April at <WACK EXHiBiTiON> for the first time I thought we won over BiSH, that day I was really frustrated. Like our real abilities were tested, BiSH too isn't going easy. Therefore, it was really frustrating.

Dokuson: BiSH also did a short play but, we didn't just lose at the live we also lost at the short play and that was really frustrating. Like they showed their strength again, BiSH did a performance taking the best use of our revolution, it was a day that we felt frustrated we lost regarding everything.

- Using such frustration, GANPARE showed excitement with the country wide 5 places one man live tour <Beyond the Mountain TOUR>. In reality didn't you feel the response?

Aya: Response is the best so far. It will become a talk about this album but, GANG PARADE has released a lot of songs with different styles, like in a good way there is no consistency. There are new genre songs GANPARE-like, I'm really happy we can release new songs as the 7 of us. I think it's like something made by the best so far.

- On 08/06 at the <SORRY!! NEXT BiS ONEMAN is 10.6!!> live at Akasaka BLITZ, the trade between Aya and Saki-chan was announced to be indefinite. How did you feel about that back then?

Aya: Before the live Watanabe-san came to the backstage and said “by the way the trade will be indefinite so, I'm counting on you”, that time I was truly relieved. Even if I was told “Please come back to BiS like that”, I didn't feel like I left something behind, because I thought there were still things I could do as GANG PARADE.

Yua: The rental trade was supposed to be until September but, we didn't really feel as a group we changed that much. If Saki-chan comes back and Aya leaves, I thought it wouldn't be such a plus. I thought once more that we didn't create a GANG PARADE with Aya, so because of that I think the way we passed September and the members awareness changed. It changed to the thoughts that the current 7 members must work more and more to become a unit and create GANPARE.

- Specifically, how it changed?

Yua: We became able to talk more than before. Before the start of BiS and GANG PARADE two man tour <HELL!! CLASH!! BREAK!! TOUR> we had one big talk, we also talked during practice, little by little our relation changed.

- At the waiting room on Sendai live for <Beyond the Mountain TOUR>, you did had a serious discussion while crying of “I want Yua-chan to talk about her true feelings”.

Yua: Back then it was like extending the line, after that we had a small talk but, in the end it continued feeling like settling things. But I started to think that we had to talk even if our relation breaks. Even during lives, there was a feeling of doing the live by oneself. Considering that, 2 days before the tour, we had an 8 hour long talk at the waiting room about everyone's roots, why did we stand in the stage, why we are at GANPARE.

Dokuson: We talked from our personal history (laughs). At that each one had a reason to be on stage, we got to know about those deep reasons. Before that I thought our feelings should be one towards the live but, even if we are temporarily different, if we understand each other mutually, fundamentally the feeling becomes one too, more fundamentally I think we were able to share what is important to each of us.

Coco: It's not like the atmosphere was bad until now but, everyone was scared that we would break our relation. There was a WACK event, before that we said we couldn't break it. But if we say that wont it remain like that forever? Because it always continued in a state of turning our face away, we  were able to finish that.

THE FUTURE GANG PARADE PRODUCE (2017/11~)

- Now we understood each one has a reason to stand in Liquid ROOM one man. Please let us hear everyone’s feelings.

Aya: Lately, I dream. GANG PARADE is in the room, 4 corpses fall. The dream itself wasn't scary but, I thought it was bad so I searched about dream fortune-telling. By doing that it seems it was a good dream meaning I cut off past feelings, but when I thought about what were the 4 corpses, I thought maybe they were the other 4 original BiS members. There I thought I advanced with my true feelings. Around that time my heart too felt that, in a positive way, in a good meaning I could more forward without thinking about the past. So on 11/20 the people in front of me, behind, everyone, without leaving anyone behind, I will definitely show the coolest GANPARE so far!

Yua: It will turn 1 year since I joined GANPARE but, I think I really changed when I compare myself to the common way I lived. At the time of <THE DUEL>, the reason Liquid ROOM was filled was because of BiSH, I thought that the current us couldn't fill it but, the one man tickets sold out, we finally came this far. I want everyone to see what we did so far, I want to show it. And I also want to do my best to convey the feelings that we'll do more and more!!

Maika: Now I think about the album choreography, it's a personal uneasy period but, because we can show the current 7 of us, I think it would be nice to show everyone our progress so far trough the choreography.

Miki: First, I think it would be nice if we could do a live to show the GANG PARADE we completed with Aya. So far it's the biggest one man venue, but I want to show an overwhelming performance that'll make everyone think that Liquid ROOM is small for GANPARE.

Dokuson: On May we all saw the BiS Liquid ROOM one man live, but now we can perform a one man live at Liquid ROOM as GANG PARADE and it makes me really happy. At this day I'll show everyone the coolest GANPARE so far in the most enjoyable way. It feels like we will go higher and higher but, I think it would be nice to convey this feeling to everyone. I'll make it the best so far!!

Yua: I saw the live where it was announced BiSH major debut. Even though we started around the same time there was an incredible difference, but we finally got here after 3 years. It's the best unity so far, the audience heat is also great, I can face the stage with all my strength. In this state we will tackle Liquid, I want to make it the greatest day, I want to make a day everyone who came will think it was the most enjoyable. So please come at us with all your power!

Coco: I joined in BLAZE but, we started again at heavy sick ZERO, we managed to come to Liquid ROOM as 7 of us. For other groups too Liquid ROOM is a turning point. Because of that I think it's a stage we must firmly challenge, since Aya trade, there were times I couldn't honestly say that this is GANG PARADE. I finally have the confidence to say that, I can show my love for GANPARE without any lies, so I want everyone to see that. I'll do it with the intention of it being a day that will connect to GANPARE's future.

Dokuson: Can I say something? When we talked we tried to explain the “Enjoy Play! Everyone's playground, GANG PARADE”. With that, comparatively with the times we say “everyone's playground”, contrarily we strained it weirdly, the feeling that we won't lose was so strong, we reflected that we didn't really think about the whole thing. More than saying “everyone's playground”, the audience is the main figure, we want them to exist there, I want you to come watch with this feelings. Because we've been doing lives with this in mind lately, I want to go with the feelings that we wont let you go home until you enjoy it. We'll definitely make Liquid ROOM a success, I want GANG PARADE to become an even bigger existence!!

[melissawsr]

5 Things We Learned from the Broken Brain Docuseries

What an incredible few weeks it’s been! I want to thank everyone who tuned in for the Broken Brain docuseries which told the story of my own healing journey, along with those of  numerous experts and patients who were also able to make miraculous recoveries from a broken brain.

There were so many highlights from this docuseries, I wish I could share them all with you. But for anyone who missed it, I wanted to put together 5 of the biggest highlights.

We will be launching the series again in January, so don’t worry if you missed it! We’ll be sure to keep everyone updated about the release date. For more information about purchasing the docuseries please visit www.brokenbrain.com/order.

For now, here are 5 highlights from Broken Brain.

The Gut-Brain Connection

In episode 2, we talked in depth about the gut-brain connection and learned that this connection is more powerful than we ever could have imagined.  Here’s what gut and brain expert Dr. Raphael Kellman had to say:

“When I think of the brain, I automatically think of the microbiome. To me, the microbiome and the brain are really part of one whole—they’re really inseparable. In fact, I believe that the whole brain is not just what we find from our neck up, but it’s really also what’s in our gut. I like to think of them as one unit, as one whole. Embryologically, the gut and the brain start out at the same point, and then one goes up and one goes down. When two cells start from the same place, they always retain a memory for each other. The microbiome and the gut, the gastrointestinal system is the housing for the microbiome, the trillions of bacteria, the friendly bacteria. They have direct communication to the brain via a bidirectional highway. They’re constantly speaking to each other in so many different ways. They’re communicating messages to each other. These messages are part of a communication system that really outshines any type of communication system that we know of today with our modern technology. It’s really staggering. This communication actually mostly originates from the microbiome up to the brain. There are 400 times the amount of messages coming from the microbiome to the brain than from the brain to the body. We now have the ability to significantly bolster, enhance, and improve that flow of communication, both improving the gut and the microbiome, and most importantly, improving the brain.”

Brain Health is Connected to Blood Sugar

In episode 3, we learned why experts call Alzheimer’s type 3 diabetes. Dr. Ann Hathaway and Dr. Dale Bredesen described their approach to treating memory loss, and the first step is balancing blood sugar.

Here’s what Dr. Ann Hathaway had to say: “Alzheimer’s has been called prediabetes of the brain. Certainly, if you have diabetes, you’re at an increased risk for Alzheimer’s disease. When your blood sugar is high, it pumps your insulin high, and insulin is inflammatory. Inflammation is a major factor in cognitive impairment and Alzheimer’s disease. Also, high blood sugar causes something called glycation, where the proteins throughout your body, including in your brain, get a sugar molecule added to them. That addition of a sugar molecule to a protein is damaging—that’s actual damage to that particular molecule in your brain. If you picture a loaf of bread baking, when the top of the bread turns that darker brown color, that’s glycation. That part of the bread is very hard, right? It’s damage, or glycation, and the more that glycation happens in our brain, the more prone we are to neurodegeneration and Alzheimer’s disease.”

The Thyroid and Your Brain

In episode 5, Dr. Izabella Wentz described how the health of your thyroid can actually impact the health of your brain. She outlined her own experience with Hashimoto’s and how it led to anxiety, depression, and more. Here’s what she had to say: “When I was struggling with Hashimoto’s, it was really, really scary for me. I had anxiety attacks and panic attacks that I’d never had before and I started to have new onset anxiety disorders and social anxiety. One of the worst things that happened with Hashimoto’s is that I started to have brain fog. The brain fog that comes along with thyroid disease is quite scary because you don’t know what’s happening to you. You can go from being this really intelligent person who’s on top of your game, can tell jokes very quickly, can study and remember things very quickly, to all of a sudden walking into rooms and forgetting why you got there in the first place. That can be very, very scary when you feel like your mind is slipping away from you—where you’re slowly losing parts of yourself. I became less funny, less outgoing, less interactive with the world around me, and this was all related to Hashimoto’s. People with thyroid disorders can exhibit a lot of symptoms that affect their brain. Some of the things that I’ve seen are fatigue, brain fog, apathy, irritability, anxiety, and panic attacks. We’re also going to see times of depression. I’ve seen people who are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I’ve also seen people who are hospitalized for psychotic disorders as a result of Hashimoto’s.

For people with Hashimoto’s and for thyroid disease, I really like to recommend a focus on eating a whole-food-based diet that’s minimally processed. I’ve seen the most benefit from patients going on a Paleo diet, as well as the Autoimmune Paleo Diet. We’ve actually been able to see and measure improvement in people’s symptoms as well as in their thyroid antibody markers, which can tell us how aggressive the thyroid condition is. We see symptoms like headaches, panic attacks, palpitations, weight gain, fatigue, all these symptoms begin to melt away when we get rid of the reactive foods and focus on eating organic, wild-caught, and real foods. I love to see people eating bone broth, good fats, and organic and wild-caught meats.”

The Role of Fats in Brain Health

Throughout the series, we talked about the importance of fats for brain health. Here’s what some of our experts had to say.

Dr. John Ratey: “There’s a lot we’re learning, and one of the things we have learned about our diet is that we became fat-phobic in the 60s and 70s and 80s, so we became low-fat people, and that meant we became high-carb people, but we cheated ourselves on the good fats. One of the things that we’ve known in psychiatry since 1990, is that omega-3 fatty acids are perhaps as good a treatment for things like bipolar illness as are some of our bipolar drugs. With that came a whole lot of research looking at omega-3s as a way to treat mood, anxiety, ADD, and autism. It has a positive effect on all of those pervasive problems. Plus, it’s great for the heart, skin, bones, the connections in our body, and also treats arthritis and the like.”

Dr. Drew Ramsey: “If you look at what happened, for example, to long-chained omega-3 fats, and these are really a great example of one of the most important things that I tell my patients to focus on eating. That’s what I focus on. I look at my week, how do I judge it? Did I eat fatty fish that has long-chained omega-3 fats? Omega-3 fats are one of my top criteria for eaters who are looking to support brain health. Omega-3 fats just got entirely stripped from our diet. We actually moved from having an omega-3 fat-based grass-based diet to a diet that’s based much more on  seed oils and what are also essential fats but are thought to be much more inflammatory.”

The Role of Community in Brain Health

One of the biggest tips we took away from the Broken Brain experts was the importance of community. Lack of community and social isolation is deadly. Here’s what our experts had to say:

John Ratey: “Community is really important and community happens on a family level, it happens at a neighborhood level, and it happens in a broader context. There’s a wonderful book called Alone Together by Sherry Turkle. She talks about how technology in some ways is bringing us together, but it’s also making us separated. Real connection is vital, and I call this vitamin O—vitamin oxytocin. Oxytocin is the thing that mammals get when they’re in a community, touching one another, hugging, and they’re sitting down eating together. That sharing, that social bonding that happens, that glue that cements us together is really important. Look at the Blue Zones (an anthropological concept that describes the characteristic lifestyles and the environments of the world’s longest-lived people)—they  have that sense of community and a sense of purpose and cohesiveness. We’re a social animal. We need that. That vitamin O is really important.

The most important thing is community, being connected to one another. I’m working with a group that studies this for the elderly. One of the big ways to keep people well, to keep people from using Medicare B, is being more social and staying more social. It’s even three times more important than if you exercise every day, which I think is one of the most important things you can do, which is twice as important as taking medicine as your doctor prescribed.”

Dr. Robin Berzin: “I absolutely believe that your community is one of the most important determinants of your health. We know that the social determinants of health are more important than the genetic determinants of health. We know that the health status of your Facebook friends can actually be a really good indicator of how healthy you are. I try to remind people that they need to deliberately cultivate friends in their lives who make them healthier. Of course, we can’t control every person we come across day-to-day, but we can choose to work and have social lives with people who make us healthier, who encourage us to move and eat better. We all have those friends who when we get together end up having too many beers, or eating pizza, or skipping the workout, and those are friends who can be amazing for us, but we need to counteract those friends with some of the friends who help us live a little bit more healthy. I’ve literally done that in my life. For instance, I practice yoga and my yoga community contributes to making sure that I practice yoga. I’m more active than I would be if I just had to remind myself all the time.”

These were just a few of the highlights from the Broken Brain docuseries. For those of you who watched the docuseries, I’d love to hear from you! What were some of your favorite moments? Send us an email here: admin@brokenbrain.com.

And to learn more about Broken Brain, click here.

Wishing you health and happiness,

Mark Hyman, MD

[Read More ...] http://drhyman.com/blog/2017/10/27/5-things-learned-broken-brain-docuseries/

[abdallahalhakim]

5 Things We Learned from the Broken Brain Docuseries

What an incredible few weeks it’s been! I want to thank everyone who tuned in for the Broken Brain docuseries which told the story of my own healing journey, along with those of  numerous experts and patients who were also able to make miraculous recoveries from a broken brain.

There were so many highlights from this docuseries, I wish I could share them all with you. But for anyone who missed it, I wanted to put together 5 of the biggest highlights.

We will be launching the series again in January, so don’t worry if you missed it! We’ll be sure to keep everyone updated about the release date. For more information about purchasing the docuseries please visit www.brokenbrain.com/order.

For now, here are 5 highlights from Broken Brain.

The Gut-Brain Connection

In episode 2, we talked in depth about the gut-brain connection and learned that this connection is more powerful than we ever could have imagined.  Here’s what gut and brain expert Dr. Raphael Kellman had to say:

“When I think of the brain, I automatically think of the microbiome. To me, the microbiome and the brain are really part of one whole—they’re really inseparable. In fact, I believe that the whole brain is not just what we find from our neck up, but it’s really also what’s in our gut. I like to think of them as one unit, as one whole. Embryologically, the gut and the brain start out at the same point, and then one goes up and one goes down. When two cells start from the same place, they always retain a memory for each other. The microbiome and the gut, the gastrointestinal system is the housing for the microbiome, the trillions of bacteria, the friendly bacteria. They have direct communication to the brain via a bidirectional highway. They’re constantly speaking to each other in so many different ways. They’re communicating messages to each other. These messages are part of a communication system that really outshines any type of communication system that we know of today with our modern technology. It’s really staggering. This communication actually mostly originates from the microbiome up to the brain. There are 400 times the amount of messages coming from the microbiome to the brain than from the brain to the body. We now have the ability to significantly bolster, enhance, and improve that flow of communication, both improving the gut and the microbiome, and most importantly, improving the brain.”

Brain Health is Connected to Blood Sugar

In episode 3, we learned why experts call Alzheimer’s type 3 diabetes. Dr. Ann Hathaway and Dr. Dale Bredesen described their approach to treating memory loss, and the first step is balancing blood sugar.

Here’s what Dr. Ann Hathaway had to say: “Alzheimer’s has been called prediabetes of the brain. Certainly, if you have diabetes, you’re at an increased risk for Alzheimer’s disease. When your blood sugar is high, it pumps your insulin high, and insulin is inflammatory. Inflammation is a major factor in cognitive impairment and Alzheimer’s disease. Also, high blood sugar causes something called glycation, where the proteins throughout your body, including in your brain, get a sugar molecule added to them. That addition of a sugar molecule to a protein is damaging—that’s actual damage to that particular molecule in your brain. If you picture a loaf of bread baking, when the top of the bread turns that darker brown color, that’s glycation. That part of the bread is very hard, right? It’s damage, or glycation, and the more that glycation happens in our brain, the more prone we are to neurodegeneration and Alzheimer’s disease.”

The Thyroid and Your Brain

In episode 5, Dr. Izabella Wentz described how the health of your thyroid can actually impact the health of your brain. She outlined her own experience with Hashimoto’s and how it led to anxiety, depression, and more. Here’s what she had to say: “When I was struggling with Hashimoto’s, it was really, really scary for me. I had anxiety attacks and panic attacks that I’d never had before and I started to have new onset anxiety disorders and social anxiety. One of the worst things that happened with Hashimoto’s is that I started to have brain fog. The brain fog that comes along with thyroid disease is quite scary because you don’t know what’s happening to you. You can go from being this really intelligent person who’s on top of your game, can tell jokes very quickly, can study and remember things very quickly, to all of a sudden walking into rooms and forgetting why you got there in the first place. That can be very, very scary when you feel like your mind is slipping away from you—where you’re slowly losing parts of yourself. I became less funny, less outgoing, less interactive with the world around me, and this was all related to Hashimoto’s. People with thyroid disorders can exhibit a lot of symptoms that affect their brain. Some of the things that I’ve seen are fatigue, brain fog, apathy, irritability, anxiety, and panic attacks. We’re also going to see times of depression. I’ve seen people who are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I’ve also seen people who are hospitalized for psychotic disorders as a result of Hashimoto’s.

For people with Hashimoto’s and for thyroid disease, I really like to recommend a focus on eating a whole-food-based diet that’s minimally processed. I’ve seen the most benefit from patients going on a Paleo diet, as well as the Autoimmune Paleo Diet. We’ve actually been able to see and measure improvement in people’s symptoms as well as in their thyroid antibody markers, which can tell us how aggressive the thyroid condition is. We see symptoms like headaches, panic attacks, palpitations, weight gain, fatigue, all these symptoms begin to melt away when we get rid of the reactive foods and focus on eating organic, wild-caught, and real foods. I love to see people eating bone broth, good fats, and organic and wild-caught meats.”

The Role of Fats in Brain Health

Throughout the series, we talked about the importance of fats for brain health. Here’s what some of our experts had to say.

Dr. John Ratey: “There’s a lot we’re learning, and one of the things we have learned about our diet is that we became fat-phobic in the 60s and 70s and 80s, so we became low-fat people, and that meant we became high-carb people, but we cheated ourselves on the good fats. One of the things that we’ve known in psychiatry since 1990, is that omega-3 fatty acids are perhaps as good a treatment for things like bipolar illness as are some of our bipolar drugs. With that came a whole lot of research looking at omega-3s as a way to treat mood, anxiety, ADD, and autism. It has a positive effect on all of those pervasive problems. Plus, it’s great for the heart, skin, bones, the connections in our body, and also treats arthritis and the like.”

Dr. Drew Ramsey: “If you look at what happened, for example, to long-chained omega-3 fats, and these are really a great example of one of the most important things that I tell my patients to focus on eating. That’s what I focus on. I look at my week, how do I judge it? Did I eat fatty fish that has long-chained omega-3 fats? Omega-3 fats are one of my top criteria for eaters who are looking to support brain health. Omega-3 fats just got entirely stripped from our diet. We actually moved from having an omega-3 fat-based grass-based diet to a diet that’s based much more on  seed oils and what are also essential fats but are thought to be much more inflammatory.”

The Role of Community in Brain Health

One of the biggest tips we took away from the Broken Brain experts was the importance of community. Lack of community and social isolation is deadly. Here’s what our experts had to say:

John Ratey: “Community is really important and community happens on a family level, it happens at a neighborhood level, and it happens in a broader context. There’s a wonderful book called Alone Together by Sherry Turkle. She talks about how technology in some ways is bringing us together, but it’s also making us separated. Real connection is vital, and I call this vitamin O—vitamin oxytocin. Oxytocin is the thing that mammals get when they’re in a community, touching one another, hugging, and they’re sitting down eating together. That sharing, that social bonding that happens, that glue that cements us together is really important. Look at the Blue Zones (an anthropological concept that describes the characteristic lifestyles and the environments of the world’s longest-lived people)—they  have that sense of community and a sense of purpose and cohesiveness. We’re a social animal. We need that. That vitamin O is really important.

The most important thing is community, being connected to one another. I’m working with a group that studies this for the elderly. One of the big ways to keep people well, to keep people from using Medicare B, is being more social and staying more social. It’s even three times more important than if you exercise every day, which I think is one of the most important things you can do, which is twice as important as taking medicine as your doctor prescribed.”

Dr. Robin Berzin: “I absolutely believe that your community is one of the most important determinants of your health. We know that the social determinants of health are more important than the genetic determinants of health. We know that the health status of your Facebook friends can actually be a really good indicator of how healthy you are. I try to remind people that they need to deliberately cultivate friends in their lives who make them healthier. Of course, we can’t control every person we come across day-to-day, but we can choose to work and have social lives with people who make us healthier, who encourage us to move and eat better. We all have those friends who when we get together end up having too many beers, or eating pizza, or skipping the workout, and those are friends who can be amazing for us, but we need to counteract those friends with some of the friends who help us live a little bit more healthy. I’ve literally done that in my life. For instance, I practice yoga and my yoga community contributes to making sure that I practice yoga. I’m more active than I would be if I just had to remind myself all the time.”

These were just a few of the highlights from the Broken Brain docuseries. For those of you who watched the docuseries, I’d love to hear from you! What were some of your favorite moments? Send us an email here: admin@brokenbrain.com.

And to learn more about Broken Brain, click here.

Wishing you health and happiness,

Mark Hyman, MD

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