#like there's idols born after run devil run..................insanity

[curiosityjams]

i think knowing that there's an idol as old as my FIRST EVER TWITTER ACCOUNT is what's made me decide that my time on social media is coming to an end, lmaoooo

[toscrollperchancetomeme]

Lestat de Lioncourt - A playlist

So, guess who made a Lestat Playlist (like there aren't enough already) and decided to sit down for 4-6 hours to find some excerpt corresponding with each song? Featuring 80s and 90s music (clearly showing my age...) as well as many european songs and showtunes. Enjoy!

1. Cathedrals – Ramin Karimloo (Original by Jump, Little Children)

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome There is a feeling that you should just go home And spend the lifetime finding out just where that is

And that was not a good year for me. I was wandering aimlessly. I was sick of things. I was furious with myself that the „beauty“ of life wasn't sustaining me, wasn't making my loneliness bearable.

I wanted to join them. Always do want to join them and never do. „Go home,“ he whispered. - Prince Lestat

(I actually feel like there are quotes that would correspond to this song in every one of the books and indeed have not yet found any other song that captures the general spirit of The Vampire Chronicles as perfectly.)

2. Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks

Well, I went today Maybe I will go again tomorrow Yeah yeah, well, the music there Well, it was hauntingly familiar Well, I see you doing what I try to do for me With the words from a poet and a voice from a choir And a melody, and nothing else mattered

He sat next to me, hugging me and asking me why I was crying, and though I couldn't tell him, I could see that he was overwhelmed that his music had produced this effect. There was no sarcasm or bitterness in him now. I think he carried me home that night. And the next morning I was standing in the crooked stone street in front of his father's shop, tossing pebbles up at his window. When he stuck his head out, I said: „Do you want to come down and go on with our conversation?“ - The Vampire Lestat

3. I ain't scared of lightning – Tom McRae

No I ain't scared of lightning And thunder never killed I was born in a summer storm and I live there still

I wasn't part of the world that cringed at such things. And with a smile, I realized that I was of that dark ilk that makes others cringe. Slowly and with great pleasure, I laughed.

And the labor that brought it forth was rapture such as I have never known. - The Vampire Lestat

4. Junge Roemer – Falco (Young Romans – Full Translation)

Don't ask for new old values See white light, see only feeling The night is ours till morning We play every game Don't ever let this journey end The doing comes only from the being Only from dimensions, that Are worth illusions and sensations Give me more, give me more, give me more...

... and again she laughed. „Ah, but we are splendid devils, aren't we?“ „Hunters of the Savage Garden,“ I said. „Then let's go into Paris,“ she said. - The Vampire Lestat

5. Running up that hill – Candy Says (Original by Kate Bush

If I only could, I'd make a deal with God, And I'd get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building,

„Not even with Nicolas?“ „No, god, no!“ I looked at her. She nodded slightly as if she approved of this answer. „Why not with Nicolas?“ she asked. I wanted this to stop. „Because he's young,“ I said, „and he has life before him.“ - The Vampire Lestat

6. Florence – Notre Dame de Paris (Full Translation)

The little things always triumph over the large And literature will kill architecture The school books will kill the cathedrals The Bible will kill the Church, and man will kill God This will kill that

„I never lived in it. I push against the glass. But how do I get in?“ „I can't tell you that,“ I said. „You have to study this age,“ Gabrielle interrupted. Her voice was calm but commanding. He looked towards her as she spoke. „You have to understand the age,“ she continued, „through its literature and its music and its art. You have come up out of the earth, as you yourself put it. Now live in the world.“ No answer from him. Flash of Nicki's ravaged flat with all its books on the floor. Western civilization in heaps. - The Vampire Lestat

7. Go your own way – Fleetwood Mac

Loving you isn't the right thing to do How can I ever change things that I feel

If I could maybe I'd give you my world How can I when you won't take it from me

You can go your own way You can call it another lonely day

„Keep your promise,“ she said. And quite suddenly I knew this was our last moment. I knew it and I could do nothing to change it. „Gabrielle!“ I whispered. But she was already gone. - The Vampire Lestat

8. Désenchantée – Olympe (Original by Myléne Farmer - Full Translation)

If death is a mystery Life isn't exactly tender If heaven has a hell Then heaven can still wait for me Tell me how to handle this headwind Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing's fine

Laughter. That insane music. That din, that dissonance, that never ending shrill articulation of the meaninglessness... Am I awake? Am I asleep? I am sure of one thing. I am a monster. And because I lie in torment in the earth, certain human beings move on through the narrow pass of life unmolested. - The Vampire Lestat

9. A kind of magic – Queen

The bell that rings inside your mind Is challenging the doors of time It's a kind of magic The waiting seems eternity The day will dawn of sanity

And quite completely I understood that it was looking for me, this sound, it was seeking me out.

Blood like light itself, liquid fire.

It seemed beneath the roar of the flow he spoke. He said again: „Drink, my young one, my wounded one.“ I felt his heart swell, his body undulate, and we were sealed against each other. I think I heard myself say: „Marius.“ And he answered: „Yes.“ - The Vampire Lestat

10. La quête – Bruno Pelletier (French version of „The Impossible Dream“ from Man of La Mancha)

To try when your arms are too weary To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest To follow that star Ooh, no matter how hopeless No matter how far

I would remain in New Orleans if New Orleans could only manage to remain. Whatever I suffered should be lessened in this lawless place, whatever I craved should give me more pleasure once I had it in my grasp. And there were moments on that first night in this fetid little paradise when I prayed that in spite of all my secret power, I was somehow kin to every mortal man. - The Vampire Lestat

11. Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

Yet Louis gained a hold over me far more powerful than Nicolas had ever had. Even in his cruelest moments, Louis touched the tenderness in me, seducing me with his staggering dependence, his infatuation with my every gesture and every spoken word. - The Vampire Lestat

12. Do I disappoint you – Rufus Wainwright

Do I disappoint you, in just being human? And not one of the elements that you can light your cigar on Why does it always have to be fire? Why does it always have to be brimstone?

„And suppose the vampire who made you knew nothing, and the vampire before him knew nothing, and so it goes back and back, nothing proceeding from nothing, until there is nothing! And we must live with the knowledge that there is no knowledge!“ „Yes!“ he cried out suddenly, his hands out, his voice tinged with something other than anger.

And then I sensed it. He was afraid. Lestat afraid. - Interview with the Vampire

13. Ordinary World – Duran Duran

What has happened to it all? Crazy, some'd say Where is the life that I recognize? Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday There's an ordinary world Somehow I have to find And as I try to make my way To the ordinary world I will learn to survive

I do not remember when it became the twentieth century, only that everything was uglier and darker, and the beauty I'd known in the old eighteenth-century days seemed more than ever some kind of fanciful idea. - The Vampire Lestat

14. I'm still standing – Taron Egerton (Original by Elton John)

And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use And did you think this fool could never win? Well look at me, I'm coming back again

But after the third night up, I was roaring around New Orleans on a big black Harley-Davidson motorcycle making plenty of noise myself. […] I was the vampire Lestat again. I was back in action. New Orleans was once again my hunting ground. - The Vampire Lestat

15. Catch my fall – Billy Idol

I have the time so I will sing, yeah I'm just a boy but I will win, yeah Lost song of lovers, fellow travelers, yeah Leave me sad and hollow out of words

It could happen to you so think for yourself If I should stumble, catch my fall, yeah

I've survived, obviously. I wouldn't be talking to you if I hadn't. And the cosmic dust has finally settled; and the small rift in the world's fabric of rational beliefs has been mended, or at least closed. I'm a little sadder for all of it, and a little meaner and a little more conscientious as well. - The Queen of the Damned

16. I want it all – Queen

I'm a man with a one track mind So much to do in one lifetime (people do you hear me) Not a man for compromise and where's and why's and living lies So I'm living it all, yes I'm living it all And I'm giving it all, and I'm giving it all

It is not enough any longer that my little rock band be successful. We must create a fame that will carry my name and my voice to the remotest parts of the world. - The Vampire Lestat

17. Let me entertain you – Robbie Williams

Hell is gone and heaven's here There's nothing left for you to fear Shake your arse come over here Now scream

I'm a burning effigy Of everything I used to be You're my rock of empathy, my dear

So come on let me entertain you

"I AM THE VAMPIRE LESTAT!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as I stepped way back from the microphone, and the sound was almost visible as it arched over the length of the oval theater, and the voice of the crowd rose even higher, louder, as if to devour the ringing sound. - The Vampire Lestat

18. La bien qui fait mal – Mozart l'Opera Rock (Full translation)

I can feel a violent urge I feel like I'm sliding towards the ground If I don't find out where this plague is coming from I adore having it under my skin Bewitched by mad ideas Suddenly all my cravings take off The desire becomes my prison Until I loose my mind

Yet I was in her arms in this chilling darkness, in the familiar scent of winter, and her blood was mine again, and it was enslaving me. When she drew away, I felt agony. - The Queen of the Damned

19. Tainted Love – Soft Cell

And you think love is to pray But I'm sorry I don't pray that way Once I ran to you Now I'll run from you This tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you Take my tears and that's not living, oh

„What do you think I am that I am so easily swayed? I was born a Queen. I have always ruled; even from the shrine I ruled." Her eyes were glazed suddenly. I heard the voices, a dull hum rising. "I ruled if only in legend; if only in the minds of those who came to me and paid me tribute. Princes who played music for me; who brought me offerings and prayers. What do you want of me now? That for you, I renounce my throne, my destiny!" What answer could I make? - The Queen of the Damned

20. Dancing in the Dark – Ruth Moody (Original by Bruce Springsteen)

They say you gotta stay hungry Hey baby, I'm just about starvin' tonight I'm dyin' for some action I'm sick of sittin' 'round here tryin' to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now, baby, gimme just one look

"I want you to put the book aside and come join us," he said. "You've been locked in here for over a month." "I go out now and then," I said. I liked looking at him, at the neon blue of his eyes.

"Do you love me now?" I asked. He smiled; oh, it was excruciating to see his face soften and brighten simultaneously when he smiled. "Yes," he said. "Want to go on a little adventure?" My heart was thudding suddenly. It would be so grand if- "Want to break the new rules?" "What in the world do you mean?" he whispered. - The Queen of the Damned

21. I want you – Savage Garden

Oh, I want you, I don't know if I need you But oh, I would die to find out

"You don't think you'll be back?" he asked. "I think you will, whether I call or not." Another little surprise. A little stab of humiliation. I smiled at him in spite of myself. He was a very interesting man. "You silver-tongued British bastard," I said. "How dare you say that to me with such condescension? Maybe I should kill you right now."

I thought of David Talbot's face, and that moment when he'd challenged me. Well, maybe he was right. I'd be back. Who said I couldn't come back and talk to him if I wanted to? - The Queen of the Damned

22. Lay your hands on me – Bon Jovi

I'm a fighter, I'm a poet, I'm a preacher I've been to school, oh baby, I've been the teacher If you show me how to get up off the ground I can show you how to fly and never ever come back down

I sat down on the bed beside him. And then I bent down and kissed his face again gently, as I had in New Orleans, liking the feel of his roughly shaven beard, just as I liked that sort of thing when I was really Lestat and I would soon have that strong masculine blood inside. I moved closer to him, when suddenly he grasped my hand, and I felt him gently push me away. „Why, David?“ I asked him. He didn't answer. He lifted his right hand and brushed my hair back out of my eyes. „I don't know,“ he whispered. „I can't. I simply can't.“ - The Tale of the Body Thief

23. 20th Century Boy – Placebo (Original by T-Rex)

I move like a cat, charge like a ram Sting like a bee, babe, I wanna be your man, hey!

He drew back with a speed that astonished me, cleaving to the wall. „Don't do this, Lestat.“ „Don't fight me, old friend. You waste your effort. You have a long night of discovery ahead.“ - The Tale of the Body Thief

24. Way down we go – KALEO

Oh, Father tell me, do we get what we deserve? Whoa, we get what we deserve And way down we go

„In chains, to my friend and my scribe, I dictated these words. Come with me. Just listen to me. Don't leave me alone.“ - Memnoch the Devil

25. Personal Jesus – Depeche Mode

Reach out, touch faith

"Don't tell me," Gabrielle said slurringly, "that it's a matter of faith." She sneered and shook her head. "You come like doubting Thomas to thrust your bloody fangs in the very wound." "Oh, stop, please, I beg you," I whispered. I put up my hands. "Let me try, and let him hurt me, and then be satisfied, and turn away." - The Vampire Armand

26. Papillon – Editors

Darling Just don't put down your guns yet If there really was a God here He'd have raised a hand by now Now darling You're born, get old, then die here Well that's quite enough for me We'll find our own way home somehow

"And if I spill my blood down into this coffin now," Lestat asked her, "what do you think will come back? Do you think it will be our Louis that will rise in these burnt rags? What if it's not, chérie, what if it's some wounded revenant that we must destroy?" "Choose life, Lestat," she said. - Merrick

27. Sunday Light – Choir Boy

Why, why, why, are you silent on the ride home? I'd love to see the temple with you Heavenly and bright, golden angel twisted scathing You were one of us, one of us, one of us, you were one of us

"Then come, Little Brother, take me to where you want to talk," he said, and I felt the soft squeeze of his fingers on my arm. "Why are you so kind to me?" I asked him. "You're used to people being paid to do it, aren't you?" he asked. - Blackwood Farm

28. Für mich solls rote Rosen regnen – Hildegard Knef (It should rain red roses for me - Full translation)

It should rain red roses for me All wonders should encounter me The world should rearrange itself And keep its worries to itself

I want to be a saint. I want to save souls by the millions. I want to do good far and wide. I want to fight evil! I want my life-sized statue in every church. I'm talking six feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes- Wait a second. Do you know who I am? - Blood Canticle

29. Constant Craving – K. D. Lang

Even through the darkest phase Be it thick or thin Always someone marches brave Here beneath my skin And constant craving Has always been

I was hunting, thirsting though I didn't need to drink, at the mercy of the craving, the deep agonizing lust for heated pumping human blood. - Prince Lestat

30. Kalte Sterne – Jan Ammann (Cold Stars from the musical Ludwig² - Full translation)

Get up, ride home, on your horse, through your land Across the morning with your reins trailing behind you Build a castle like a dream, build it with mighty hands And it shall be named „future“

Build a castle like a dream Up from the ashes and close to the heavens Build a castle like a dream And realise the future as king

If we wanted to survive, if we wanted to inherit the millenia […] then we had to meet the future with respect as well as courage and count fear and selfishness to be small things. - Prince Lestat and the realms of Atlantis

31. C'est une belle journée – Mylene Farmer (Full translation)

I'm going to bed To bite eternity With my mouth wide open It's a beautiful day

And I felt the cold numbing shell of alienation and despair which had imprisoned me all of my life among the Undead – I felt that shell cracked, broken, and dissolved utterly into infinitesimal fragments. - Blood Communion

32. Princes of the Universe – Queen

Fly the moon and reach for the stars With my sword and head held high Got to pass the test first time, yeah I know that people talk about me, I hear it every day But I can prove them wrong 'cause I'm right first time

„I know that you meant full well to bring Rhoshamandes down, of course you did. But you had no way of knowing that you could. And no one would have predicted that you could. And with the willingness to die, you gave yourself over into his hands... and you disarmed him and destroyed him.“ – Blood Communion

And finally, because I can, a bonus track:

33. Primadonna – MARINA

And I'm sad to the core, core, core Every day is a chore, chore, chore When you give, I want more, more, more I wanna be adored

[godzillagirl-14]

Wish Upon an Idol (Ch. 4)

Chapter 4 

Pairing: ot7 x reader 

Summary: The Bangtan boys have the ability to grant wishes (unbeknownst to you, the brand new addition to their friend group) So when you jokingly wish you had superpowers to “help the world in a way you knew how” what happens when wake up the next day with extraordinary abilities? 

Warnings: Drama, angst, a lot of action, smut, and a bad attempt at being humorous. 

Warnings for this chapter: Angst - anxiety attacks, reader is implied to be bisexual, crying, self doubt, reader is very frustrated- steamy make out session  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Word Count: 4,945

Taglist: @mischiefmakerliesmith5​ @snowythellama​ @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore​ (If you want to be tagged just let me know) :) 

Hope you enjoy! 

You were angry. 

So so fucking angry as you stormed down the street. Your body temperature was skyrocketing and you felt something animalistic deep down in your core that made you want to turn on your heel and tear your boss apart. 

No. That’s not what these powers are for. 

Nodding along with your thoughts you tried to calm yourself, to will away the sparks at your fingertips, and to slow down the erratic beating of your heart. You were aware that many people had watched you break Jaehyun’s nose, watched you storm out of the cafe with you creative choice of words.

Scrub the leeches out of the devil’s asshole. You gave yourself some props, you got your point across that you would never want to be with someone who constantly disrespects your boundaries, even after you had told them to stop. Your heart was already taken anyway. 

What would the boys think? How would they react? 

You wondered what the boys would have done if they had witnessed you throwing that ferocious jab at your boss. Would they be proud that you finally stood up for yourself? Would they be disappointed? Would they regret giving you powers in the first place? 

Your heart dropped at the thought. Maybe your temper was too short for these powers. One wrong move and you could ruin someone’s life. Letting out a frustrated huff, you turned into a nearby alleyway. Your frustration and anger were building, leaving you feeling like a walking furnace. Leaning against a brick wall, you closed your eyes and thought of ways to cool yourself down. 

Icebergs, Antarctica, glaciers, ice cold water... Truth be told, you just wanted to find the nearest lake and plunge into it. That would help you clear your thoughts and help your get back to your neutral state. 

Pressing your cheek up against the cool surface of the building, you almost moaned out loud at the relieving sensation. Just a few more moments and you can walk home with a semi-clear head. 

“Well, isn’t this a pretty sight,” Ah shit. “What’s a pretty little thing doing out so late by herself?” un-fucking-believable. Rolling your eyes you turned your gaze to the voice at hand, sizing him up, doing very little to hide your agitation. 

“It’s 4:30 in the afternoon,” His eyebrows shot to his hairline at your snappy remark before he laughed coolly and you wanted nothing more than to swipe that smirk clean off his face. He reminded you of Jaehyun, just from his body language. It made you heat up all over again. 

“No need for hostilities,” he responded, slyly. “Just wanted to make sure you were alright. I was worried.” he placed him hand over his heart in an attempt to make him look more genuine, but you could see right through him. 

This guy’s bullshit smells worse than Jungkook’s sweaty gym socks.

“Oh, I’m sure you were,” you rolled your eyes, pushing yourself off the wall. “I appreciate the kind gesture, but if you could be so kind as to leaving me alone, that’d be fabulous.” just as you were about to walk out of the alley and continue your path home, a hand grabbing your arm stopped you. 

“Hey, wait a second!” 

You felt that if you clenched your teeth any harder, your jaw would break. 

“Let go of my arm.” It was taking everything in you to not rip this stranger a new one. You were completely on edge, frustrated to no end, and wanting nothing more than to go home and neutralize your nerves. It was rather obvious that your powers were based off your emotions, so now it was important to make sure you weren’t feeling too much negativity to cause serious damage. 

The stranger didn’t listen and if you weren’t overheating before, you definitely were now. Your face felt extremely flushed and uncomfortable. Your ears were ringing like a hot tea kettle and your heart was pounding just enough for the constant thump to hurt and hinder your breathing in the slightest. You felt the sweat on the back of your neck slowly trickle down and settle at the small of your back and your hands felt just as clammy. Too focused on not maiming this annoying stranger, you didn’t even realize he was still talking until you forced yourself to stop paying attention to your body in hopes that would distract you long enough to get away. 

“Well, let me at least get your numb-” 

“No.” 

He blinked at you, frowning and you leveled his gaze with yours, hoping the pupils weren’t engulfed in glowing white. “Let. Go.” your words were deadly calm, despite your mind screaming at you to just grab him and toss him into oncoming traffic. No need to get too violent. 

Things were getting too dangerous now as you felt the palms of your hands start to burn and you looked, unclenching your fist to reveal red palms and small sparks dancing along the lines of your fingers. 

The jerk continued to stare at you before his frown turned to a scowl and his grip on your arm tightened to the point it kind of hurt. The feeling of anger and fear quickly unlocked your fight or flight instinct and you were soon swinging your hand up to smack him across the face. Short and simple to allow you time to get away, or so you thought. 

What you didn’t expect was for him to catch your wrist and twist it, rendering you unable to use your hands and for your heart rate to kick up like it just took eight shots of pure caffeine. Natural instinct along with your powers kicked in like no tomorrow, and soon you found yourself kneeing the guy in the groin a little too hard, effectively making him release one of your hands. Not taking into account of how hot your palms were, you brought butt of your palm up and into his chin, knocking him off his feet and releasing your other hand. 

His cry of pain would have been satisfying had you not been freaking out so badly, seeing the blistering red mark on his chin and neck. You had burned him. 

Bringing your palm up to your cheek, you hissed at how hot your hand was, trying and failing to calm your breathing as you turned and hauled ass out of the alley, knocking into some people as you went. Your mind was working overtime, making sure to not use too much of your enhanced speed, yelling at you to use more of your agility so you wouldn’t bulldoze anyone else down, and making sure to not think too much in fear of triggering your elemental powers. 

This was all just too much. You could hear every car horn, every heartbeat of the people you passed, vision blurring and focusing on all the wrong things, ears ringing, hands burning. Too much. Too much. Too much. 

It’s a wonder how you managed to make it to your door in one physical piece while your mind felt like it was going to implode on itself. 

                                                     ~~~

Taking the door off its hinges would have been impressive to Seokjin, had he not seen the state you were in as you walked through the threshold. There you stood, the disconnected door in your hand, your chest heaving up and down like you had just run a marathon, and sweat dripping down your temple and onto your neck. Your eyes looked cloudy, unable to focus on anything and if Jin had looked closer, he would have saw the rapid movement of your pupils shrinking and dilating in a desperate attempt to lock on something without your vision blurring seconds later. 

“. . . (Y/n)?” Standing from his spot on the couch, he stepped into your line of sight and your heart began to pound even louder in your ears as you saw him getting closer. 

His lips were moving but you couldn’t hear a single word. The sound of your erratic heart beat was driving you insane. Everything was too loud, too hot and Jin was suddenly way too close to you, reaching out to try and grab your hand that was most certainly hot enough to burn him. “No!” you snatched your hand away, cradling it to your chest. Jin held his hands up in surrender, moving slowly so as not to startle you too much. 

“Give me your hand,” he stated, softly making sure to not extend his hand too fast. He looked on patiently as he watched you frantically shake your head. “No, I-I’ll burn you. I can’t- I just- I don’t-” Moving away from him you began pacing back in forth, rubbing at your face as if the skin agitated you. 

“God, everything is too hot!” you screamed, before your clothes abruptly burst into flames. Seokjin screeched, jumping back so as not to get burned, staring in disbelief as you just . . . stood there as the fire ate away at your clothes, until there was nothing left, leaving you as naked as the day you were born. You were scared, so scared to the point that you didn’t care about the fact that you were standing stark naked in front of Jin, or the fact that anyone in the hallway could literally walk past and see you as well. 

Looking up, Jin saw the way your lip trembled, saw the way tears formed at the brim of your eyes, saw the way your hands shook. The shaky breath that was exhaled from your lips made his heart break, watching as the first tear streaked down your cheek, followed by another and then another until you crumbled down on your knees, your face buried into your hands, sobs wracking your entire body. 

Jin watched on, shocked into silence by the sudden outburst before his face softened into a look of sympathy. He cautiously made his way over to you with the same carefulness you would give to a frightened deer. He lowered himself down until he was on his knees in front of you, regarding the way your shoulders shook and how you were trying and failing to even out your breaths. Lifting his hand up, he intended to grab your wrist, but because of your enhanced senses, you were able to flinch away from him. You were still too hot. 

Softly calling out your name was met with no reaction, but he knew you heard him. You didn’t want to look at him. You were scared and ashamed, the events of today felt like they spanned an entire week. You were so tired. So when Jin called out to you again, you peeled your hands away from your face and was struck with the sheer ethereal beauty that was Kim Seokjin. You were awestruck. 

Going for a different approach, he simply held his hand out to you, giving you the choice of whether you would take his hand or not. You stared at his hand as if it were some sort of foreign object before looking back up at his face and shaking your head. “No,” you whispered, fresh tears streaking down the (s/c) skin of your cheeks. “I’ll burn you.” 

“No, you won’t.” Was his delicate reply. He wanted nothing more than to wrap you in his arms and comfort the tears away. Whisper sweet nothings into your ear until you were finally able to feel okay again. But he knew that if he did that right now, things would only erupt into chaos. Baby steps. 

“I trust you, (Y/n).” 

Looking back up at his face, studying his features, focusing on him. Only him. He was there for you and your heart began to beat faster. Taking a deep breath, you looked back at his awaiting hand, slowly extending yours. Pulling back when you felt his skin against yours, only to realize he hadn’t flinched away from you. You knew your skin was hot, probably even unbearably hot, but he didn’t show any signs of discomfort other than a slight clenching of his jaw. 

After he helped you stand up, he still held onto your hand as he led you into the bathroom, gently guiding you into the bathtub before sitting down behind you. Had you been more clear in the head, you would have asked him why he was still in his clothes. 

Leaning forward, he turned the water to cold, watching as it pooled around you both, looking on in disbelief as the water immediately began to evaporate as soon as it hit your skin. He then turned on the shower head, feeling the cold water cascade over the both of you, hearing you sigh in relief and watching your tensed body finally relaxing. You leaned back into his touch as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, rubbing the skin in soothing circles. Reaching up, you grabbed his hands, squeezing them gratefully and relaxing into his chest. 

You stayed like that for a while; in complete silence with cold water flowing down from the tops of your head to the tips of your toes. Rubbing at each others knuckles, as a way to acknowledge one another without having to actually say anything. You’ve never been this intimate with him or either of the boys before, letting him cuddle in the bathtub with you, let alone him seeing you naked. Sure there would be relaxing sessions on the couch while watching a movie, but for it to get this far, was truly mind boggling. You were much more comfortable around other women, it seemed much more natural to be intimate around them, granted this did feel nice and it was helping you calm your nerves that just moments before made you take out an entire door. These past few days have been absolutely insane. 

You remembered what the boys had said; if you didn’t want the powers and responsibility anymore, all you had to do was wish them away. But even as you think about the events that occurred today, and the similar events that might occur in the future, you realize that you still wouldn’t give up these powers. What kind of impression would you have of yourself if you just gave up just because some days are harder than most. You wouldn’t be able to look at yourself if you gave up so easily. You had to keep fighting. 

You both stayed in the tub until you had finally cooled down and started shivering from the cold water. Stepping out of the tub, you turned to Jin, only to see his clothes completely soaked. You looked at him curiously but he only smiled at you before beginning to peel his shirt off. 

Eyes, widening and face reheating, you tried your hardest to keep your eyes trained on his face and damn near popped a blood vessel when he looked at you and smirked. He even had the audacity to wink at you. Good to know his playful attitude was intact. Huffing out a breath, you crossed your arms over yourself to try and keep yourself warm. The thought of trying to use your powers to regulate your body heat sounded absolutely atrocious with how you were so mentally tired, so you opted for the old fashioned way. You turned to reach for a towel hanging on the rack just as Jin pulled his pants down, your heart rate picking up to match the speed of the flash. You felt another shiver run down your spine when you finally wrapped the towel around your body, a reminder that you were in fact freezing your ass off and needed to be put in some warm clothes immediately. 

You felt like you were going to get whiplash with the way your body was trying to get used to your powers. First you were so angry to the point you burned your clothes off, and now, you were freezing to the point where you were desperate to have clothes back on. You grabbed another towel and turned back around to hand it to Jin, who had been staring at you intently, noticing the way your body reacted to the cool air. After grabbing the towel and wrapping it around his hips, he gently grabbed your hand and led you to his room. You were a little confused at first, wondering why he wasn’t leading you to your room so you could get dressed, but then realized that he might be letting you use his hoodie. You almost started skipping behind him in excitement as out of all the boys’ hoodies to steal, you loved stealing his. 

There was something about Jin’s hoodies that were just extra cozy. If he had noticed your change in demeanor, he didn’t comment on it as he opened his door to his room and let you in first. Walking in, you immediately sat yourself down on his bed, hugging the towel close around your chest to keep it from falling and awkwardly crossing your ankles in an attempt to appear more casual. You dropped one of your hands to run it along his comforter. It felt warm and soft and it caused goosebumps to travel along your arms and legs due to the texture against your palm. As your hand glided back and forth against the blanket, you wondered how you were going to explain this entire situation to Jin and the rest of the boys without them thinking that giving you these powers was a mistake. 

Hey guys, I quit my job by breaking my boss’ nose because he wouldn’t stop groping me and while I was walking home, some creep tried to hit on me and I ended up burning him after he tried to grab me. Oh and also, we need to look into getting a new door because I accidentally hulked out on it trying to get into the apartment, and I spontaneously combusted because I was in the middle of a panic attack and Jin saw me naked! :D 

Yeah that conversation is going to be... quite interesting. You internally cringed, wondering how you were going to muster up enough energy to even start that conversation. 

Too lost in thought about the entire ordeal, you didn’t notice Jin rummaging through his drawers until he had set out a hoodie and pair of boxer briefs in front of you. The hoodie looked like it could swallow Jin whole, so you immediately knew that you would be swimming in the article of clothing before you even unfolded it. You were grateful for the size though because as soon as you had put it on, you were immediately engulfed in warmth and you exhaled as your cold body was finally able to start relaxing. 

Jin smiled at you as you attempted and failed to get rid of the sweater paws that were forming around your hands and led you back out to the living room. By now, the sun was close to setting and the door to the hallway was still very much laying on the floor instead of being on it’s hinges. You groaned as you sat down on the couch, Jin sitting down next to you and setting your legs on his lap. 

After a few beats of silence with Jin massaging the muscles of your calves and you fiddling with the hem of the hoodie, you finally looked up to see him looking at you. “How are you feeling?” he asked, searching your face for any distress. You opened your mouth out of instinct, ready to deliver your answer as if you were on autopilot. 

“I feel fine.” 

He raised his eyebrow at you, telling you that he didn’t believe you for a second. “Come on, (Y/n), we know you better than anyone. You can’t lie to us. You can’t lie to me.” Gently grabbing your chin and making him look at you made you puff out a breath. Rolling your eyes, you moved away from his hand and leaned back against the couch. 

“I don’t- I mean, I don’t really know where to start,” you shrugged your shoulders, trying to rack your brain for the right words to say. “I broke my boss’s nose because he kept trying to advance on me even after I said I wasn’t interested. He kept saying that my “no” was secretly a “yes”. He wanted the chase, it was all like some fucking game for him. I told him no again, and when he grabbed my arm, I punched him in the face.” 

Jin nodded, listening intently and waiting for you to continue. You wanted to leave it at that, but you knew he wouldn’t let up until you had gotten everything off your chest. “I walked out after we had yelled at each other. I had some pretty.... unique parting words for him, but then I was walking home and I was just so angry and everything was suddenly heating up and going in and out of focus. So I stepped aside to try and calm myself down, but then this guy tried to hit on me. He was so creepy, and he had grabbed me, but I had burned his face. I just-” you didn’t realize how you were still worked up about the situation as you choked on your words. 

“I was just so scared that I would hurt someone innocent and I was so angry I couldn’t even see straight which made me even more scared and I just wanted to get home but then that happened,” you gestured towards the broken door and sniffled, not realizing you had started crying again. Luckily your body seemed too exhausted to overheat and you were grateful when Jin pulled you into his lap and held you close. 

Burying your face into his neck, you let out the tears you had been holding back all day, finally being able to let your body sag after all the tension was released. Jin soothingly rubbed your back, pulling you to face him after you had finished letting everything out, and wiping away at the tears that slid down your cheek. Your face and eyes probably looked puffy from all the crying and you felt like you looked crazy, but it had only made Jin fall in love with you more, letting him see you be so vulnerable and being able to comfort you. 

He kept his hand on your cheek and watched as you leaned into his touch closing your eyes and sighing. When you were able to stabilize your breathing, you finally opened your eyes and were once again struck by the pure beauty that was Kim Seokjin. 

“You truly are beautiful, Seokjin,” 

You could have cringed at the way your voice whispered those words, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to nitpick the way you sounded right now. You felt your ears begin to burn after he had remained silent, too lost in your self doubt to see how red his ears and cheeks were turning. You went to move off of his lap, intent on going to your room to lay down, but were stopped when you felt his hand on your cheek become firm to keep you in place. He took a second to look at you, from you (h/l (h/c) hair, to the way you hiccupped trying to recover from crying so much,  to the redness that surrounded your (e/c) eyes to the way left over tear streaks smeared on you (s/c) skin. He felt like he had spent thousands of years with you as well. 

“I know,” 

You couldn’t hold back your laughter even if you wanted to. Your body shook with the force of your laugh. Burying your face in his neck again, you let his laugh fill your ears while you felt his hands massaging your back and leg. You stayed like that for a while, the only noise filling the room being your occasional sniffle and the little hitch in the shakiness of your breath from still trying to recover from your crying session. You still felt upset and you had no doubt that one small thing could possibly trigger another crying session, but right now, you were content with keeping your thoughts empty and just listening to the sound of Jin’s heart beating clearly in your ears. 

You were close to dozing off in his lap when he finally spoke up, making you tune out of your little bubble. 

“For what it’s worth, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve laid my eyes on,” You couldn’t tell if he was being sincere or not, so you sat up to look at his face again. After examining his face, you still couldn’t tell if he was being serious, so you snorted and playfully smacked his chest. “Yeah right,” you rolled your eyes. “Don’t try to pull that on me after you’ve been alive for over a thousand years, mister.” 

You giggled a little and he smiled at you, cupping your cheek again, forcing you to look at his face and your giggling to fade. “There is no one who is as incredible as you, (Y/n). You are truly the most beautiful girl I’ve ever encountered.” 

You were at a complete loss for words, gaping at him. You felt your ears heat up, wondering if the pounding you heard was his heart or yours. Noticing him staring at you intently, you also noticed his eyes flicking from your eyes to your lips constantly but you felt stuck. You were way too scared to just lean forward and connect your lips, even though you’ve always dreamed about what those pillows for lips would feel like against your own. You got lost in thought once again thinking about how unfair it was for this man to have such luscious lips, it should be a crime. 

Too far gone in your own thoughts, you barely noticed Jin leaning close to you, up until his nose brushed yours and he stopped. Both of your eyes were closed, yours being closed out of fear that you might spontaneously combust, his being closed in fear that this might be a dream. You’ve dreamed about this moment for so long, wondering if he was waiting for you to make the call of whether you’re going to press your lips against his or pull away. 

Releasing one shaky breath, you decided to throw caution to the wind and lean forward. Your lips brushed against each other for no more than a second, pulling away for a moment and searching his face, only to find him staring at you as if you were one of the seven wonders of the world. You took that as a sign to lean back in, cupping his cheek and pressing your lips more firmly onto his. The feeling of his lips against yours could easily be something to become addicted to, as you felt his hands trail down your back, causing you to shiver while they settled on your hips.  

You wanted to deepen the kiss, so you opened your mouth and swiped your tongue on his bottom lip. That must have triggered something in him, because he trailed his hands down from your hips to grip your ass and squeeze, which caused you to yelp, and for him to push his tongue deeper into your mouth. 

Out of all the ways you had thought this day would end, french kissing one of the men you’ve been in love with for months definitely did not cross your mind. But you couldn’t really complain when Jin shifted his hips up and you got a very.... detailed feel of him. The whimper that left your lips could have brought any man down to his knees, and Jin contemplated on whether he should start moving your hips against his or if that might overwhelm you too much. 

Your body had started moving on its own accord as you began moving your hips against his, feeling his groan against your mouth. You kept moving your hips, getting worked up at the feeling of him against you and the sounds leaving his mouth, until it had all began to feel like a little too much and the clothes you were wearing began to feel too stuffy. So, against your better judgment, you began to slow your hips down, pressing one more tender kiss against his lips before pulling away. 

He searched your face for any sign of discomfort and when you had clarified that it was just you getting a little too excited, he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead. “It’s okay,” he gently reassured you when you went to bury your face in his neck again. It was beginning to become a favorite spot of yours. “We go at your pace, no matter how fast or slow that might be.” 

You didn’t think you could love this man any more, and yet here you were constantly being proven wrong. It didn’t take long for you to finally doze off, with the events that happened, you were surprised you hadn’t just collapsed as soon as you got home. You were lulled to sleep by Jin’s comforting hand rubbing your back, his lips on your forehead and his heart beat in your ears. 

He was finally able to relax his tensed body when he felt your body release all the tension that had built up, closing his eyes and almost dozing off himself, until he heard footsteps walking toward the apartment. 

“What happened to the door?!”  

A/N 

Alright, so this chapter is very long overdue. I’m pretty sure I started this story back when my senior year of highschool began and now I just recently finished my freshman year of college. I either couldn’t find the time or motivation to try and finish the chapter but I’m glad I finally did. That being said, I can’t be too sure when the next chapter is going to be, but I hope you stick around nonetheless! 

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please let me know what you think! your feedback is always welcomed! 

[killianmesmalls]

On your comments about Jack: ye-es, in the sense that Jack is a character who definitely deserved better than he was treated by the characters. The way Dean especially treats him reflects very badly on Dean, no question. But, speaking as a viewer, I think the perspective needs to shift a little bit.

To me, Jack is Dawn from Buffy, or Scrappy Doo. He’s an (in my opinion) irritating kid who is introduced out of nowhere to be both super vulnerable and super OP, and the jeopardy is centered around him in a way that has nothing to do with his actual character or relationships. He’s mostly around to be cute and to solve or create problems — he never has any firm character arcs or goals of his own, nor any deeper purpose in the meta narrative. In this way, he’s a miss for SPN, which focuses heavily on conflicts as metaphors for real life.

Mary fits so much better in that framework, and introducing her as a developed, flawed person works really well with the narrative. It is easy for us to care about Mary, both as the dead perfect mother on the pedestal and as the flawed, human woman who could not live up to her sons’ expectations. That connection is built into the core of SPN, and was developed over years, even before she was a character. When she was added, she was given depth and nuance organically, and treated as a flawed, complex character rather than as a plot device or a contrivance. She was given a voice and independence, and became a powerful metaphor for developing new understandings of our parents in adulthood, as well as an interesting and well-rounded character. You care that she’s dead, not just because Sam and Dean are sad, but for the loss of her development and the potential she offered. So, in that sense, I think a lot of people were frustrated that she died essentially fridged for a second time, and especially in service of the arc of a weaker character.

And like, you’re right, no one can figure out if Jack is a toddler or a teenager. He’s both and he’s neither, because he’s never anything consistently and his character arc is always “whatever the plot needs it to be.” Every episode is different. Is he Dean’s sunny opportunity to be a parent and make up for his dad’s shitty parenting? Yes! Is he also Dean’s worst failure and a reminder that he has done many horrible things, including to “innocent” children? Yes! Is he Cas’s child? Yes! Is he Dean’s child? Yes! But also, no! Is he Sam’s child? Yes! Is he a lonely teenager who does terrible things? Yes! Is he a totally innocent little lamb who doesn’t get why what he is doing is wrong? Yes! Is he the most powerful being in the universe? Yes! Does he need everyone to take care of him? Yes! Is he just along for the ride? Yes! Is he responsible for his actions? Kinda??? Sometimes??? What is he???

Mary as a character is narratively cohesive and fleshed-out. Jack is a mishmash of confusing whatever’s that all add up to a frustrating plot device with no consistent traits to latch on to. Everything that fans like about him (cute outfits, gender play, well-developed parental bonds with the characters) is fanon. So, yes, the narrative prioritizes Mary. Many fans prioritize Mary, at least enough that Dean’s most heinous acts barely register. To the narrative (not to Cas, which is a totally different situation), Jack is only barely more of a character than Emma Winchester, who Sam killed without uproar seasons earlier. He’s been around longer, but he’s equally not really real.

I debated on responding to this because, to tell the truth, I think we fundamentally disagree on a number of subjects and, as they say, true insanity is arguing with anyone on the internet. However, you spent a lot of time on the above and I feel it's only fair to say my thoughts, even if I don't believe it will sway you any more than what you said changed my opinions.

I'm assuming this was in response to this post regarding how Jack's accidental killing of Mary was treated so severely by the brothers, particularly Dean, because it was Mary and, had it been a random character like the security guard in 13x06, it would have been treated far differently. However, then the argument becomes less about the reaction of the Winchester brothers to this incident and more the value of Jack or Mary to the audience.

I believe we need to first admit that both characters are inherently archetypes—Mary as the Madonna character initially then, later, as a metaphor for how imperfect and truly human our parents are compared to the idol we have as children, and Jack as the overpowered child who is a Jesus allegory by the end. Both have a function within the story to serve the Winchester brothers, through whose lens and with whose biases we are meant to view the show's events. We also need to admit that the writers didn't think more than a season ahead for either character, especially since it wasn't initially supposed to be Mary that came back at the end of season 11 but John, and they only wrote enough for Jack in season 13 to gauge whether or not the audience would want him to continue on or if he needed to be killed off by the end of the season. Now, I know we curate our own experiences online which leads to us being in our own fandom echo chambers, however it is important to note that the character was immediately successful enough with the general audience that, after his first episode or two, he was basically guaranteed a longer future on the show.

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure why the perspective of how his character is processed by some audience members versus others has any bearing on the argument that he deserved to be treated better overall by the other characters especially when taking their own previous actions in mind. I’m not going to tell you that your opinion is wrong regarding your feelings for Jack. It’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, it harms no one to have it and express it. My feelings on Jack are clearly very different from your own, but this is really just two different people who processed a fictional person in different ways. I personally believe he has a purpose in the Winchesters’ story, including Castiel’s, as he reflects certain aspects of all of them, gives them a way to explore their own histories through a different perspective, and changes the overall dynamic of Team Free Will from “soldiers in arms” to a family (Misha’s words). In the beginning he allows Sam to work through his past as the “freak” and powerful, dangerous boy wonder destined to bring hell on earth. With Dean, his presence lets Dean work through his issues with John and asks whether he will let history repeat itself or if he’ll work to break the cycle. Regarding Cas, in my opinion he helps the angel reach his “final form” of a father, member of a family, lover and protector of humanity, rebellious son, and the true show of free will. 

From strictly the story, he has several arcs that work within themes explored in Supernatural, such as the argument of nature versus nurture, the question of what we’re willing to give up in order to protect something or someone else and how ends justify the means, and the struggle between feeling helpless and powerless versus the corruptive nature of having too much power and the dangerous lack of a moral compass. His goals are mentioned and on display throughout his stint on the show, ones that are truly relatable to some viewers: the strong desire to belong—the need for family and what you’ll do to find and keep it. 

With Mary, we first need to establish whether the two versions of her were a writing flaw due to the constant change in who was dictating her story and her relationship to the boys, which goes against the idea that her characterization was cohesive and fleshed-out but, rather, put together when needed for convenience, or if they both exist because, as stated above, we are seeing the show primarily through the biased lens of the Winchester brothers and come to face facts about the true Mary as they do. Like I said in my previous post, I don’t dislike Mary and I don’t blame her for her death (either one). However, I do have a hard time seeing her as a more nuanced, fleshed-out character than Jack. True, a lot of her problems are more adult in nature considering she has to struggle with losing her sons’ formative years and meeting them as whole adults she knows almost nothing about, all because of a choice she made before they were born. 

However, her personal struggles being more “mature” in nature (as they center primarily on parental battles) doesn’t necessarily mean her story has layers and Jack’s does not. They are entirely different but sometimes interconnected in a way that adds to both of their arcs, like Mary taking Jack on as an adoptive son which gives her the moments of parenting she lost with Sam and Dean, and Jack having Mary as a parental figure who understands and supports him gives him that sense of belonging he had just been struggling with to the point of running away while he is also given the chance to show “even monsters can do good”. 

I’d also argue that Jack being many ages at once isn’t poor writing so much as a metaphor for how, even if you’re forced to grow up fast, that doesn’t mean you’re a fully equipped adult. I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I believe Jack simultaneously taking a lot of responsibility and constantly trying to prove to others he’s useful while having childish moments is relatable to some who were forced to play an adult role at a young age. He proves a number of times that he doesn’t need everyone to take care of him, but he also has limited life experience and, as such, will make some mistakes while he’s also being a valuable member of the group. Jack constantly exists on a fine line in multiple respects. Some may see that as a writing flaw but it is who the character was conceived to be: the balance between nature or nurture, between good and evil, between savior and devil. 

Now, I was also frustrated Mary was “fridged” for a second time. It really provided no other purpose than to give the brothers more man pain to further the plot along. However, this can exist while also acknowledging that the way it happened and the subsequent fallout for Jack was also unnecessary and a sign of blatant hypocrisy from Dean, primarily, and Sam. 

And, yes, Jack can be different things at once because, I mean, can’t we all? If Mary can be both the perfect mother and the flawed, independent, distant parent, can’t Jack be the sweet kid who helps his father-figures process their own feelings on fatherhood while also being a lost young-adult forcing them to face their failures? Both characters contain multitudes because, I mean, we all do. 

I can provide articles or posts on Jack’s characterization and popularity along with Mary’s if needed, but for now I think this is a long enough ramble on my thoughts and feelings. I’m happy to discuss more, my messenger is always open for (polite) discussion. Until then, I’m going to leave it at we maybe agree to disagree. 

[four-letter-girl]

InuKag Fanfic Recommendations

Hi everyone 🌻

I joined the Inuyasha fandom over the summer, and I’ve been having a good time reading fanfiction since finishing the series. Recommendation posts helped me find some great ones. I’ve decided to put one together for fun [lmao for all 10 of my followers - squad]. These are fics I’ve enjoyed [i.e. binged and used as COVID coping mechanisms]. They aren’t in any particular order. I’m sure there are plenty I’ve read that I’m forgetting, but I wasn’t exactly planning to do this.

I’m copy and pasting the summaries from the writers with each link because that’s more helpful than my fangirl thoughts about each one. Ha. I’ve included ratings, but this list is being made with the assumption you’ll determine if a fic is right for you by reading Author Notes and additional ratings within each link.

I tagged the Tumblrs of the authors I follow/could find. If you see someone on here who isn’t tagged and you know their Tumblr, let me know and I can add them. Also, I’ve been using Tumblr less than a month, and I have no idea what I’m doing. If I’ve done something wrong or something looks weird, THAT’S WHY. 💀

As of 11.22.20

Multi-Chapter In Progress:

(T) Light Me a Lantern by Novaviis / @inuyashasforest: “Picking up the pieces after being separated for three years isn't as easy as it may seem. A quiet, burning kind of chaos sweeps through Feudal Japan, and it's going to take a lot more than a fairy tale ending to put things back together. They defeated a man who would become the Devil. Can they survive a man who would become a God?”

(M) Behind the Silk Screen by Eiennobasho / @eien-no-basho: “When a twist of fate brings the common-born priestess Kagome to serve Inuyasha, Divine Emperor of Japan, will she be able to help him claim his place on the throne and bring order to their country? Or will court intrigues and their own burgeoning feelings tear the two and their nation apart? A historical romance set in Japan’s Heian Era.”

(M) Fate Carving by willowandfog / @willowandfog: “The human world has been brought to its knees by the demons, reverting their culture back a century. Demons now control everything and the humans? Set to be servants forever. Kagome’s city is ruled over by the Inu youkai clan and when she goes to Kaede on her 18th birthday for her required “Fate Carving,” the tattoo that will determine what her place is in the world, she’s stunned, terrified, and overwhelmed by the results. Everyone she’s ever known has been a worker, but when has Kagome ever been the same as everyone else?” (M) Kintsugi by Evilillusions / @soliska: “Failing to be chosen as her village's miko, Kagome had resigned herself to a humble life. An unexpected summons returns her to the city where she's forced to reconcile the taught virtues and the spiralling, warped reality created by those that abuse their power. She holds the key to repairing the fracture between humans and youkai, and the freedom of her new hanyou friend.” (M) Bound Across Time by wonderwander / @thornedraven: “InuYasha and Kagome are separated for three years, travelling for so long together only to be ripped apart without so much as a good-bye. Pain and heartache manifests itself in different ways. It hardens you or breaks you. How long can one hold on to hope?” (M) The Half-Breed’s Wife by Gypsyn / @gypsin: “On the night of the new moon, a runaway girl stumbles into Inuyasha's life. Little did he realize then what he would be undertaking by saving her. But when Kagome has nowhere else to go will he leave her to her fate Or will he rise to the occasion? And what will the humans think?” (M) Hit The Like Button by omgitscharlie / @omgitscharlie: “After a public breakup, successful social media influencer Kagome Higurashi is single for the first time since she started her career. Trying to cheer her friend up, Sango hosts a party in hopes of getting Kagome out of her stooper; unbeknownst to her, there was a certain person Sango wants her to meet. Unfortunately, the set up does not go as hoped as the two know each other from previous, unsavory interactions.” (M) Youkai In The Mirror by SugarRos / @sugarrosfanfiction: “Kagome Higurashi is lucky. She has good grades, good friends, and the cute, popular boy in class just asked her out. But when she accidentally unleashes a very wicked youkai from a very wicked spell, her luck runs out. Now on the run from a powerful priestess, Kagome must help Inuyasha get his revenge.” (M) Demon Nature by Shardetector / @shardetector: “He spoke low and gently, although his voice was gruff with his demon still so close to the surface, ‘You saved me wench, now I’ll repay the favor.’ With that, his muscles bunched in his legs as he sprung up and out of the well, a red blur in the night as he made his way through the forest to his destination. His precious cargo held safely to his chest, as he raced to save her with his demonic speed.”

(M) A Crack in the Glass by willowandfog / @willowandfog: “Kagome’s being watched, followed, but has no idea who it is or why they are doing it. When Kagome hires the help of a private investigator things take a dangerous turn. Uncovering secrets that Kagome didn't even know she had.” (M) The Shogun’s Daughter by Shnuggletea / @shnuggletea: “Kagome’s father passed away when she was just a child but his Shogun status still makes her a valuable bride to a Lord of lands that border their village. She isn’t given much choice but still agrees to marry the stranger so those she cares and loves would be happy and safe, taking her village under his protection in return for her hand. Lord Inuyasha Tenoe is pushed by the council into marriage, assured his new bride was an excellent choice. He has his doubts but has no choice, agreeing to the match sight unseen. All their fears and anxiety are amplified when they meet. It’s an interesting coupling to say the least.”

Multi-Chapter Complete:

(M) The Kings Concubines by The ReddQueen: “The Concubines of the House of the Moon are the most beautiful & idolized women across the Western Land. A chance arises as they search for another to take such a prestigious position. One will find that a true concubine is more than beauty, but she must overcome the most painful of hurdles, keep the darkest of secrets, & still stay true to her heart.”

(M) Thousandfurs by RosieB: “Based on the little known Grimm fairytale. Princess Kagome is forced from her home and into the demon territories. Will Prince Inuyasha ever figure out who his new servant is?” (M) Base Instincts by ImaniJoain: “When Inuyasha is lost to his youkai half, Kagome must find a way to convince him to return to himself.”

(M) To Summon a Mate by Penthesileia / @pentheseileia: “On Halloween night, Kagome is tricked into releasing a possessive, dangerous, hotter then hell demon from his prison of 500 years. She's in danger, but it's not her life she's worried about…yet.”

Oneshots

(M) Lesson by akitokihojo / @akitokihojo: “After a long night out, tensions begin to build. Kagome gets herself into a little trouble with Inuyasha, and Inuyasha is more than happy to teach her right from wrong.”

(M) Dominance by omgitscharlie / @omgitscharlie: “She'd been teasing him all day, and she knew it. Those fleeting glances and knowing smiles, it drove Inuyasha insane; not to mention she smelled sweeter, more intense. What happens when Kagome pushes Inuyasha beyond his limits?”

(M) It Will Come Back by wonderwanderer / @thornedraven: “A one shot inspired by Hozier's song "It Will Come Back". Slight Little Red Riding Hood inspiration as well. Darker themed Little Red Riding Hood, and much more adult themed.”

(M) Touch by KeiChanz / @keichanz: “’I want…’ He paused, trying to find the words, and growling in frustration when he couldn’t. A grunt left him and he dropped his forehead onto her shoulder. ‘I just…I…dammit.’ Inuyasha sighed raggedly, nuzzled her shoulder, and then husked against her skin, ‘I want…you.’”

(M) After the Well Closes by Shnuggletea / @shnuggletea: “It's been a year since Kagome made the decision to jump back through the well and leave her family and life behind. And she is confused to say the least that things are almost the same. Tired of being Inuyasha's demon-killing partner and nothing more, Kagome decides to start her new life and family. When she is stopped by a manic demon Inuyasha, her new life beings quickly.”

(M) Mine by jaygirl987: “She was so beautiful and pure. And his.”

(M) Diamonds and Moonglow by annabeth: “That whimper, right there, is what Inuyasha loves most about this.“

(M) Together Again by wonderwanderer / @thornedraven: “Some intimacy between InuYasha and Kagome after being reunited after three years, rediscovering each other in some of the more intimate ways one can.”

[chyuans]

          hello , hello  !   first of all ,  i’m super excited to be here even if i’m like 10 hrs LATE  ( gmt timezone things )  i’m noe ,  a gay  they / them at the age of 19 ,  and this privileged lil disappointment of a jock boy is gonna be filling the position of kong_01 . despite the rumours ?  yuanjun’s actually not nearly as bad as some of the people he’ll be meeting here >:)  but you’ll get to know more about that below  !  if you’d like to plot just light up that HEART , or add me on disc*rd which i’ll give out in im’s , where i’m infinitely faster .  if i’m not gaming .  no tw’s under the cut  .

* backstory. > many people know of yuanjun, but few people truly know him. he's the famous kong families’ son, heir to the kong legacy, now forward position for south korea men’s national hockey team - which brought forth a ton of international fame from back home and amongst hockey lovers worldwide. while his talent is undeniable, he is long overshadowed by his families’ accomplishments, forever reminded that he’d never be the perfect son they’d hoped for, and no one ever lets him forget it.

> being the child of business tycoons who’s art business seemed to never be on the decline, tended to lend itself to an unconventional, pretty lonely childhood. 

> although jun no longer wants to dabble in the stupid shit he probably did as a teen, and escape from their home in a childish fit of rage and make the lives of the various nannies that tended to him while his parents were off being great hell, he still wonders sometimes whether this profession is what he would’ve wanted if he’d just not wanted to spite his parents. he loves hockey - that fact is undeniable. he thanks the nanny who took him there once out of necessity to stop his whining, and he fell in love with it almost instantly. but he also questions whether he gravitated to it because it was something he could throw himself into wholeheartedly to fill a void.

> he's very open to different types of people, and after being scouted at 19 and having a massive shift both in culture and identity as he then begun to travel worldwide, he’s a tiny bit more wordly now than he was back then. he's much more concerned about who you are underneath than superficial appearances, which means developing relationships are few and far between, because a lot of people do approach him because of his fame/fortune. he's unjudgemental to the point where his friends worry about his naivety and how easily he trusts people, but he's absolutely not dumb, just very well versed on telling good people from the bad.

> jun may even come across as naïve, but he's very aware of that perception is nearly important as reality. he's not extroverted in a way that demands conversation, but he knows how to talk to anyone from any background even if its just to maintain pleasantries. after competing in various competitions and versing players from canada to japan, he's become much more sharp and ambitious, a guy who very rarely lets distractions take their course. perhaps it’s with this that his family loathe his choices all the more, with his appetite, he was born with the skills required to run a business - pity he never took to anything of the creative sort.  

> working in a fast, stressful, highly coveted job such as pro-sports is a full time job and then some; jun doesn't spend much time not working on it. outside of his schedule, he likes bettering his stamina at the gym and eating healthy. he likes being surrounded by authentic people or nobody at all. he’s not one for trying new things and having new experiences due to time management, tending to stick to a schedule.

> he gets a lot of bad press though, which is beginning to weigh a little heavy on him. doubly now the murder has people talking. from being accused of performance-enhancing pills, various personality scandals, to being linked with ‘dating’ (see: ruining the image of) idols and chaebol’s alike. right now, he’s currently battling a lot of unwanted publicity because of a misunderstood interaction online against a wealthy sweetheart that went sour. 

> while jun might be generally unsympathetic and analytical when it comes to developing relationships with people that’ll last long-term, he's a bleeding heart when it comes to kids who may have experienced the same lonely upbringing as he did, without the financial gains. right now he spends sunday’s teaching a bunch of local foster home kids how to skate, and is trying to fund a couple of sports scholarships for those who show promise under a fake name, just generally being a good ‘ole guy.

> his family do not approve of his job, ofc. in fact neither of his parents have ever attended any of his matches to this day, and are only on semi-decent terms with him because jun begrudgingly is still tied by name to the business and shows his face at events for all of 30 minutes until he physically can no longer maintain pleasantries. his celebrity image perhaps is one thing they can manipulate, and even then, jun could get into scandals galore and still be doing his job. good press, bad press, it has the kong’s family name at the forefront of peoples’ minds, which always brings forth revenue.  

> pros: could be a lot worse considering his upbringing, collected, and level-headed most of the time. wicked good at sports, and keeps a cool head in a tough situation. ambitious, curious, a little reckless. eager to prove himself, rich? and very endeared to people/places he finds fascinating. which are many. knows where the good, authentic chinese cuisine is. hardworking and very interested in the idea of Progress.

> cons: the most private person alive, will not divulge any palatable information about himself or his feelings. devil's advocate always. will put himself and others at an arm’s length the second he feels (disgusted noises) e-emotions (love, namely). gets bored easily. paranoid, leads with the head more than the heart. friends > > > family. a little self-involved, never fucking sleeps - will be that neighbour you can hear padding around above your apartment at 3.05 am like it’s mid-day, aaaaand Loves Winning Above All Else

* personality & relationships.

> like many others, jun has his fair share of surface-level friends. he’s quick to be interested in people, to get to know them better, but it's difficult for him to get closer than that after a childhood of being picked up and dropped by those who looked over him - which kinda has left him with abandonment issues.

> he’s a curator of neat things that aren’t too overtly complex, and that includes friendships. so if you have something unusual about you, whether it's a talent or a way of thinking, he would be inclined to get to know you better. also, he has a lot of leverage with his job. being friends with a sports star slash million dollar trust fund baby who can get you free shit never hurts, just don’t befriend him for the perks, yanno?

> jun is very dedicated to his vision of things, and can sometimes be very obstinate in the way he a) wants them to be done b) doesn't accept other options, think steve jobs. he's very mercurial and can be nice one minute but isn't afraid to switch to hardass boss to get things done and did.  > he is insanely competitive and his strive is drawn out by always wanting to be on top. truly first child material. that's the kind of guy he is, with standards that do not reflect his passive side too well, which sometimes can get him into some “personality” scandals. he is driven, motivated, always looking for ways to be winning.

> i'm sure someone is bound to hate him, he’s probably got a few accounts online dedicated to a steady stream of shit-talking, given his cutthroat status or holding many hockey cups.

> jun doesn’t think too much about his sexuality - he'd probably best be labelled as pan, but leans towards those who identify as women? because of his current placement in a workspace, and with a cultural identity, that both don’t often lend themselves to lgbtq+ rights, i doubt he’d ever make that public.

> he works amongst some of the fittest people in the world, he knows how to appreciate beautiful bodies, but he's not about to discriminate. he's tragically a committaphobe and isn't interested in anything long-term right now, although i think it'd be funny if someone tried. he's very open for flings and one-night stands and even a friends with benefits sort of set up. 

* wc’s.  >  bring me his baby bro and sis. i command u. i have many thoughts  >  somebody who maybe gets in on his foster-kid situation? idk maybe they have a perception of jun being what he is in the articles they read of him, but they see him and are like <3_<3 he actually real Nice huh. i see this being romantic but it could bloom a really nice, wholesome friendship too. >  enemies. not gonna lie, he doesn’t vibe with rich kids w / a stick up their ass, especially since a lot of the people he works with aren’t from exorbitant families. people who loathe him for declining to take over his families’ business? like the boy can’t even name more than 3 artists off of the top of his head?   > fwb except neither of them know what “just friends” mean.  > i would love if jun had a confidante. a best friend, a partner in crime, a total bromance 'cause i can never get enough of those. whatever label you ‘wanna put on it. wiping up each other’s messes. maybe a Betrayal in the works  > again, gonna be a wc, but i would love a “rival” of jun's on a similar level (or bigger)  that’s entirely fabricated based off of trashy articles or a misunderstood interaction online. bonus points if they’re an absolute sweetheart, well loved by most people, and generally the antithesis of jun with his multiple drug/personality rumours, which in contrast, make him seem like the bad guy. 

> party buddy. this guy hasn’t touched alcohol/cigarettes/any other stimulants since he was underage and wanted to rebel. the word “relax” does not exist in his vocabulary. Help

[caedisescape]

Oh, what a sweet poison 1/?

What have I ever done in my life to be judged by so many, but be known to so little?

I guess I was born and that’s it.

Working in small restaurant near stadium was hell. It was even worst tonight, because there was a massive concert inside. Many girls came into the restaurant only for bathroom, because standing at the gate to get your ticket checked was testing them. My boss, greedy and old Irishman, had those small dolar signs in his eyes, like in bloody cartoon. 

I smiled to another tired mother, who had to come, because her daughter was underage and pointed with my chin at the coffee machine. She smiled greatfully and nodded. At least coffee was selling like water on the desert. I poured another to-go cup and was handed ten bucks. Woman smiled only and left with her daughter, who was basically jumping. Teenagers.

Actually, I’m supposed to act like them. It’s not like I’m much older with my 21 years. I sighed and waved at them. It was going to be a long night. 

“Nicole!” I heard raspy voice call from the back and bit down a groan. My boss, great. “There’s order out. No restaurant wants to deliver to the stadium now, there are too many fans.” He said, rubbing his hands. I smiled awkwardly and nodded, looking for paper bag. “Here you have instructions. I was told that you have to deliver it directly to Andrew Gertler.” I nodded and got to work.

Sophie was running around tables, Jessica was outside, Joe was cooking, and I was trying to help everyone. Usual day at work then. I tied my hair up and took off my dirty apron, throwing on sweatshirt with Ben’s Irish Dinner Time logo. I swear that Devil himself would facepalm seeing that name. I picked six bags and went out, heading straight to the stadium. 

There was a lot of security there, that I have to admit. Who was inside? Beyonce? I sighed and looked for back entrance and spotted it behind mass of teenagers. Thinking quickly, I started to pass tiny groups and somehow was at the door not ten minutes later. I took some calming breaths, because it was insane. Fans these days are really determinate.

Ten security guys just moved back some girls that asked to get inside, their faces were red and they looked like crying. I kinda felt bad for them, they wanted to see their idol, but they honestly thought that’s gonna work? I walked slowly to the least mean looking guy and smiled. “I’m here to deliver those to Mr. Gertler, I’m from Ben’s Irish Dinner Time.” 

Two men exchanged looks and searched on their clipboards for me, I guess. I had a bad feeling about it. “Nicole? Your boss give us name Nicole, the delivery.” I gritted my teeth. My name was actually Nicolette, but my boss thought it was too long. “Yes, I’m Nicole.” 

“She’s coiming in!” He shouted to one of the man behind the gate and looked at me. “Mr. Gertler is now on stage looking for last minute changes, but you’re supposed to deliver those to the trailer. It’s right behind seventh doors on the left.” I nodded and quietly repeated information under my nose.

Seventh doors on the left.

I knocked on the seventh door on the left, but there was nothing. I frowned and knocked again. Nothing..... and then. “Come in! Sorry, I’ll join you in a while!” I pressed the handle and walked inside, placing bags on wooden table next to the couch. There was a lot of clothes inside. I shrugged and digged for receipt. 

“Oh, hi.” I turned around and saw a guy around my age. He was looking at me surprised and I had to bit my lip not to laugh. He was dressed in yellow and pink dress shirt, that was definitely too small. “Yeah, hi. I’m from the restaurant. Here’s your order. Payment was settled, so enjoy your meal. Have a good day....or night rather.” I turned around and walked to the door. “And... I may not be the best fashion adviser, but... if you’re not, you look kinda like a draq queen after hours.” I shrugged. “Not in offensive way, of course.”

I left and made my way down the corridor. Middle aged man passed me, then turned and was before me in second. “Who are you?” I sighed. “I’m Nicole. From restaurant, I was supposed to deliver order, I did. I’m leaving. Security checked me.” I said confidently. He nodded and walked away. 

What’s with people and not trusting others?

Two hours later, when main artist finally came on stage, I was sipping my coffee slowly, staring with Sophie and Joe at the screen outside. “How much would I give to be there!” Sophie groaned and Joe just chuckled. I smiled fondly and looked back at the screen. “Oh no.” I whispered, my eyes wide open with surprise. “Hello everyone! So happy to be here with you!” 

“That’s the guy.” I said blankly. “And he changed the shirt as I told him.” I said again. Sophie gasped and gripped my arm. “You’ve told Shawn Mendes that he looks like a DRAQ QUEEN?!” She screamed and Joe started to laugh so badly, he sat down and laid his head on the table.

I smiled shyly and nodded. “At least he doesn’t look like a draq queen now, more like normal person.” I shrugged. 

But why did I not known then, that he was the beginning of my biggest troubles?

[devichilinfo]

Red Book – Part 7

“Shin Megami Tensei Devil Children: Red Book” Game Summary / English Translation (Gameboy Color, 2000)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8

This is a (mostly-complete) translation of the story portions of the game as well as a summary of story-related text in chronological order. Names and dialogue have been edited for easier reading. Scene locations are labeled using square brackets. I will be using default names for characters who can be renamed.

Part 7 – Fire Land:

[ Fire Land – Fire Gate and Casino Town ]

Mirai arrives in Fire Land.

The NPCs in this area will provide the following information:

The demons of Fire Land love gambling.

Lord Mammon loves going to the hot springs in the North so much that he hasn’t returned to town in a while.

An aspiring Demon-idol (Sunder-chan) wants you to buy her CD. She’s going to be famous soon!

One of the town demons is saving his money from work to fulfill his dream of travelling to all the lands of Makai.

There is a shut-down factory East of Casino Town where the demons used to work until Lord Mammon built the Casino.

The robot demon called D.B.-Kun still in the factory.

Rahab is also in the factory; he is searching for the Book of Raziel.

DeviPhone messages:

Setsuna: Setsuna is also in Fire Land right now.

Isis: If you have the Spinx, she encourages you to increase the Sphinx’s power.

Parallel Sus: You can view the strong combo attacks available in your DeviDat.

[ East Fire Land – Underground Factory ]

This is an optional dungeon at the farthest eastern part of Fire Land. D.B.-Kun is broken, and Mirai will need to find the parts located throughout the Factory and repair D.B.-Kun. When D.B.-Kun is repaired, he will join Mirai.

Rahab is also in the Factory. Mirai can find and bring him the Book of Raziel.

Rahab: “I am Rahab. I am seeking the Book of Raziel, which was lost within this Factory.”

Rahab: “You found the Book of Raziel! Thank you! This book is written in the Angel’s Language; you can’t read it, but I can.”

Rahab: “……”

Rahab: “Mirai … this book tells me you have a great power within you. Show me!”

Boss battle against Rahab. When Mirai wins:

Rahab: “Mirai, the Book of Raziel speaks of you. The writing is enigmatic and puzzling… I will give you a translation of it. Perhaps you can make use of what knowledge it holds…”

Rahab: “…such as how you have the power to make every Demon your ally.”

Rahab vanishes.

 If Mirai found the “Death Emblem” item and has the Sphinx from Isis in her possession: the Sphinx can be transformed into a Death Sphinx at the training center.

[ Fire Land – Volcano Road & Hell Onsen ]

The volcano dungeon consists of three areas: Volcano Road, Hell Onsen (underground areas), and Onsen Town where you can rest and restock curative items. Mirai will need to have 100,000 Makka in her possession to advance the story; be sure to have that amount in your inventory before speaking to Mammon.

Mammon is found in one of the Hell Onsen rooms:

Mammon: “Oh! It’s little Mirai! Aha ha! Excellent! You probably don’t remember me, but I’m Mammon!”

Mirai: “Huh? Have we met before?”

Mammon: “Yes yes! I visited your papa when you were a wee newborn. He was cuddling and bouncing little baby Mirai!”

Mammon: “But… that was before the terrible thing happened…”

Mirai: “Whaaat! Seriously…?”

Mirai: “I can’t remember anything from when I was that young…”

Mirai: “So, Elegy was right; you DO know my father! She said you also know where he is now!

Mammon: “Elegy? She said that I knew…?”

Mammon: “……all I know is what that Demon King told me. I know I can’t trust that guy…”

Mammon: “You should go ask him yourself; he’s the only one who knows where your papa is!”

Mirai: “WHAT!? He knew where my father was the whole time!?”

Mirai: “He’s the one who told me I’d have to search all over Makai to find my father!”

Mirai: “But… I’ll need a Messiah’s Eye to get back to Central Land…”

Mammon: “The Iridescent Messiah’s Eye! The Demon King sold it to me for 2000, but I’ll let you have it for… …… …… 100 000 Makka! The price is non-negotiable!”

Mirai must pay 100,000 to Mammon to advance the story.

Mammon: “Ooooh! Excellent! I’ll keep my word to you, but I have the Eye stashed away in my house in Casino Town. Meet me there and I’ll give it to you. Hurry up, or I’ll have to charge you a late fee, heh heh!”

Mirai must now return to Casino Town.

 [ Fire Land – Casino Town ]

Demon at town entrance: “…the Angels… suddenly appeared…”

Mirai: “What happened to Casino Town!?”

Casino Town has been reduced to burning ruins. Elegy approaches Mirai.

Elegy: “This is the judgment of the Angels, Mirai!”

An angel approaches them.

Raphael: “Devil Child… I am the Greater Angel, Raphael.”

Raphael: “Casino Town was consumed by the sin of greed. The desire for money consumed the lives of all the inhabitants.”

Elegy: “Sin must be purged in order to cleanse this world and restore justice.”

Mirai: “Are you insane!? What about THIS is justice!?”

Mirai: “Look around, you hypocrite! You killed almost everyone in the town! Isn’t killing a sin!? Isn’t wrath a sin!? I’ll never forgive you for doing this!”

Elegy: “……”

Raphael: “The only way to truly save this world and restore Utopia is to purge all the sin from it.”

Mirai: “What gives you the right to make that judgment? And who will be the one to purge YOU of your sins?”

Mirai: “…to hell with this.”

Mirai: “Go on, then. Purge everything that you disagree with! And when you’ve finished killing everyone and burning everything to ash… I hope you’re satisfied living in a hollow, empty world. At least it’ll be free from sin…”

Raphael: “……”

Raphael: “I will only be satisfied when I’ve cast you into the Abyss!”

Boss battle versus Raphael and Hell Sphinx. When Mirai wins:

Raphael: “…I can’t defeat you…? Then… take this Iridescent Messiah’s Eye and go to Central Land.”

Mirai receives the Iridescent Messiah’s Eye from Raphael.

Elegy: “H-hey, Mirai… I… I know where your father is. I’ve always known.”

Mirai: “Seriously!? Does it run in the family!?”

Elegy: “Your father is imprisoned in the Dark Palace.”

Mirai: “Isn’t that… the first place I went to in Makai…!?”

Mirai: “Elegy, are you saying that the Demon King is holding my papa prisoner?”

Elegy: “Actually… my father is an imposter. YOUR father is the real Demon King.”

Raphael: “It’s true, Mirai; You are the child of Demon King Lucifer.”

Elegy: “I am the daughter of Lord Azel.”

Elegy: “A long time ago, he betrayed the kind and fair King Lucifer… my wicked father sealed Lucifer away in the Dark Palace because he was too weak to defeat him in a fair fight. Lord Azel is impersonating Lucifer and deceiving everyone… he wanted power without earning it, and didn’t care who he had to hurt in the process! People like that deserve punishment!”*

*Note: No timeline is mentioned for this plot point, so I’m not sure if Elegy was born before or after Azel usurped the throne.

Elegy: “Now you know what kind of devil my father is, and why I side with the Angels.”

Mirai: “………”

Elegy: “Go to the Dark Palace, Mirai! See for yourself!”

Raphael: “If you manage to find the real Lucifer… tell him that the Angels are committed to Destiny’s final battle for the fate of the world.”

Mirai can continue on.

 [ Fire Land – Fire Gate ]

When Mirai approaches the Circle Gate, Setsuna will call on the DeviPhone and transfer his Cerberus’s new “King Cerberus” data to Mirai’s DeviDat.

When Mirai uses the Iridescent Messiah’s Eye at the circle gate, she gets another dream:

???: “Gather the Norn Keys, my child, for this world is on the brink of destruction. We must arise to meet our fate, and awaken a sleeping god. Only then can we bring the dawn of a new era!”

 End of Part 7

[lilmajorshawty]

YOD the Ending configuration. 📐

•yods are normally described as an omen in ones chart purely because of the immense power and energy that resides in one. Often times many tyrants Through our history including many nazis have had this configuration. But what is often misunderstood is that yods are not malefic per say they are more like an active destiny. Yods are the arch angel configuration because it shows a destiny to change the world, or be its sole downfall.

- when you think about a YOD configuration I don’t want you to think Superman. I want you to take a moment and look at the character Bruce Wayne. Someone who for better or worse had his world snatched from him at a young age—watching his family die right before his eyes. Growing up in the shadows, alienated. From his earliest moments it was as if destiny was putting him along a path—a direction that many wouldn’t have been able to take on so early in their years. Bruce was left with a choice, a choice that ironically that never ceases to demand from him. To expect of him—to test him. Bruce had the choice of seeking revenge, seeking to ruthlessly annihilate his oppressors, the evil in the world in the same manner evil took from him he could’ve retaliated. Yet Batman was born. Bruce made a choice to stop the evil in the world but to do it his way—to rise above the same darkness he festered in. By no means is Bruce a hero by normal convection. He’s an anti hero—an arch angel if you will. The angel who’s seen the madness of man, the angel who lives amongst us—flying through the shadows we fear.

* People with yod configurations Carry a heavy level of fate in their lives, the chosen ones so to speak. But the nature of the yod leaves much to be determined depending on the circumstances and the individual involved. These natives will always feel their power—the deep brooding intensity like a violent thunder strike coursing through their veins. People with yods have died many times in their past lives—some deaths violent, some deaths as martyr, some deaths as he villain and some deaths as their idea of hero. But through their endless deaths the were walking closer and closer to their own destiny—the flames of tribulation.

•angels and devils: Now the yod formation in ones chart places a higher emphasis on life and death. And due to its inherited influence often times found in families specific karma can be linked and what’s more it can point to “blood jumping���(this is my phrasing for saying its lives and spiritual transfers from family member to family member—starting with the original starter of that bloodline. I’m most cases this is linked back to the very first living to originate your blood line per say.

An example would be if ones great great great great great grandfather was a man of war—a king of sorts whom had the responsibility of many, but in his madness and possible greed he decided to forsake his people to achieve and even higher end. But his life was cut short—maybe even by the same people he betrayed. His sins and his actions way heavily on his family linage as his actions are passed down almost like a cycle this pattern continues from kin to kin—the ideology of betrayal to meet ones own desires. Let’s say in the case of a child from that bloodline born in this era they would find that they may have this focused energy this drive to reach the top, they may find people easily follow them—seek them out and even somewhat readily follow their command. They easily rise but they meet many continuous test and trails that bring them face to face with patterns from their past. The find themselves in positions where they are very much so having to betray someone in order to reach a higher level but they are also presented with the choice of letting go of their position. They’ll be put in positions that test their loyalty—their integrity. They’ll have a group that looks to them for guidance and they’ll be tested on wether or not their intensions are pure of heart.

- What happens once the destiny is defeated? Well yods have a great power dare I say it’s the more powerful configuration one could have in their chart—because once truly manifest one not only is capable of creating their own living karma but they also rewrite a cycle so to speak.

- The more yods you have in your chart the more likely you are on your last reincarnation in this life—and the more yods you have the higher stake your destiny.

- People with yods don’t have an ingrained fear of death, and may always have this feeling of never really being “here”

- People with yods have the ability to tap into skills and talents from their previous lives in an unconscious manner.

- People with yods can have flashes of intuition as well as visions from lives they’ve lived from no where—sometimes in fragments and sometimes as dreams/day dreams.

- Yods that are manifested from men in the blood line often include the masculine planets. While yods manifested from the women have more feminine planets and houses being present.

- Yods before they are matured/yods that are misguided are and can be dangerous people and one example of someone misusing this grand power would be hitler.

- Yods that are manifest can make someone seem Erie/they can have a presence so overwhelming that you may feel looked down upon or deeply seen though.

- When people have many yods in one generation it usually means something big is going to take place in that particular era.

- peole with yods particularly when Pluto/urnaus/Saturn/Lilith and mars are involved can experience death at a young age or loss. In some cases these natives can have flashes of visions and dark thoughts that can seem unlike them. Darkness runs heavy in them but it’s not something “evil” it’s a darkness that shrouds them as if they grew up in it but it’s a darkness where they are the light floating about in it.

- great caution is advised before taking on the karmic debt of a yod as it can often bring to the surface very old karmic family baggage and seemingly begin to act out in your character if you’re not completelyof sound body and mind to take on such a task I’d strongly advise you hold off on it.

- yods act out most often during Saturn returns, and depending on the person you have three moments in which your yods will feel most powerful.

-yods aren’t all bad! And they can give someone a insane amount of strength even more than most people and no productivity isn’t limited with a yod in fact people with yods have a wild amount of vitality and luck usually as if someone above is guding and protecting them on their journey.

Yods on 1st/7th house axis: your karmic lore is a tale of manipulation/and love in the arena of war. Their can be a past of violence. Raw and primal instincts—and the obsession of the self. A life lacking in sympathy and a life that was sought with ones strength rather than ones heart. Their can be issues of romance being sought after in Malicious intent. Marriages that may have had a tragic and sometimes scaring affect on the family. Love lost and devastating love affairs. In this life it’s up to you to find a healthy balance between the “you” and the “they” to find love—yet also to protect it. To create love that is not only sought after for pleasure or to achieve something better. To live life pure of heart and rise above your animal.

Yod on the 2nd/8th axis: the interchange between security and the material—sexual blockage and mis used sexual exploitation. Sex trafficking and a history of rape. Sex as a means to subdue. A history of gluttony. Their could be a karmic past of dark crime and riddled deceit. Often the bullheaded/pleasure seeking persona runs deep—and even to a fault the darkness seeped in the psyche shows a history of being tormented—and being the one tormenting. In this life the destiny brings to the table many choices—will you look to the light? Or shall you let the shadows consume you? Will you let go of the Possessions or will you let them devour you instead.

Yod on the 3rd/9th Axis: snakes/and dirty liaisons. A life riddled with strife—manipulation and selling out. The words often had gregarious consequences. Using your mind was often as a means to take—to control and to get in top—the mind was incredibly sharp—able to entrance a nation, quiet the skies—and bring upon the downfall of the heavens. In this life your destiny manifest as the battle between truly moving past words and speaking though actions—finding some of the human in your speech and not seeing humans as chess pieces.

Yod In the 4th/10th House: the ill mother—often this yod configuration can mean a plethora of things. The fallen women archetype—or the warrior women archetype. The women of the family were strong of will—even at times to an insatiable degree. They craved dominance and to be on top of the world-they found power in their femininity but also met much opposition because of it. Men in the family were ambitious—often obsessed with eating the competition alive. Their is always a nurture v kill dynamic Presented. Now one is faced with the concept of healing the world—or taking it by storm. To wrap your hands around the weak or to punish them for it.

Yod In the 5th/11th house: a life of the dramatic performer—and the rebellion is present here. The life was riddled with poetry in excess, the grand show but also complete self idolization. Pride to the extent of stomping on others—truly animalistic behavior for the sake of reaching ones goal. Whilst also upturning the concept of stability and foundation—crowd power but abusing it to ones own ends. A history of being betrayed by groups. In this life one is often faced with charity—and moments of pity—they must learn to give without expecting to form bonds but to be weary of their intent.

Yod In the 6th/12th House: this is much like the signs involved a sacred yod. This is a meeting between the living and the dead. The past life was often fought spiritually—monasteries-and a loss of ones own well-being. A life of stagnant yet loose grasp of the world is present in the bloodline. This is very much so an arch angel indication and can bring constant trials relating to the very life in ones body constantly feeling like it’s either on the brink or seemingly a passing specter. In this life one must ready themselves for the grand cause. Unlike the other yods it’s unclear what the final destination for this yod is.

- As a final note, yods that are pointing to multiple houses still carry the themes above and these are just a brief overview of what could’ve been the past life carryover as really only you can connect your karmic debts not I. Yods carry a great evil and they also carry an immeasurable good. People with yods are not the devil nor are they god. They often feel this tug of war between being neither of those things. They are merely something in between and wether or not they choose a side or wether they don’t they have a heavy weight in this world.

•pay attention to the where the hand of god is pointing in the chart! The houses that the legs sit in shows the trials that will be engaged and where you will be able to find the tools necessary to unlock the yods abilities. Know this, the more you unlucky your yod the more you will change—acknowledging your yod is one thing but harnessing it is a very powerful experience—one that will see the death of who you are and the birth of something unlike anything you’ve ever been.

[fmdcosmo-blog]

well hello one and all, if it isn’t emmy back at it again with a chaos child except more advanced. this is inmoon, who goes by the stage name cosmo but will fully slaughter you and your yet to be born children if you call him that without his permission (you will almost never get his permission). now i’m not gonna lie since being in famed and being blessed with the admin beauty of beth, i have got pretty abysmal at intro’s. so this is going to be insanely brief and more like a summary until his character bio can be posted because i’m an inexperienced hoe still and did not save his massive fuckIn bio after i wrote it. here, have fun with the devil my sweet ones: 

so, let us begin, inmoon is a playboy type. he was raised in an extremely high class, fancy ass and obscenely rich family. however, all is not as rosy and bright future of prosperity, thanks hierarchy, as it looks. inmoon’s father was a serious alcoholic, the addiction had got to the point where it controlled his life. he also from this, stemmed a problem with gambling. all that rowdy influence of lewd men, who had the world on their shoulders. you can imagine it didn’t bode well for his interaction with his family. he became abusive physically to inmoon’s mother, the beatings were so severe she would often end up with so many broken bones she was bedridden, her face could become so bruised, cut and swollen that you could barely distinct it. inmoon, when old enough to intervene, naturally did so resulting in beatings for him likewise. it was not so much the abuse physically that scarred inmoon but rather the way his father would speak down to his mother, make her believe she truly did deserve it. 

as he grew older, he found more and more that he was not fitting in suitably enough with the ideals of the lifestyle of the rich, inmoon had different dreams and different idea’s on what power should mean, what power should be used to enforce. his father’s corrupted view of him as deviant became more and more a self fulfilling prophecy for inmoon, his pansexuality often causing uproar due to his unapologetic nature, often explicitly making it clear he was lovers with any partner of any sort who he purposefully brought to events it would be frowned upon to attend with such. likewise, inmoon’s unapologetic and shameless nature meant he was extremely proud, this pride lead to a great many fights and gained his family a bad reputation, not only this but inmoon was a state of dishonor for the family, making a mockery of it and causing rumors less than pleasing to spread about his sorry state of affairs. his father particularly, was horrified and petrified furthermore of how this gossip may reveal the reality of his perfect family and its many darker virtues of being fucked up. 

though his parents did not agree with inmoon’s dream of being an idol, he was sent away to study in Japan for a great amount of time at a performance and music institution which would develop his skill for rapping and most significantly to him, his ability to dance. eventually, it would lead to his scouting into MARS, a point that marked for inmoon his ability to succeed on his own and make a name for himself, resulting in him cutting off his family completely, except for his mother whom he arranged a new life for in america before he moved on to his life as an idol and came back to korea. however, it was not all a primrose path that he could tread. for a long time, inmoon lived rough and would enter into underground fights in order to make enough money to survive off of. the conditions of this lifestyle meant much suffering and blow to pride, it was a corrupt system in which those who trained you could also deprive and use your weaknesses against you. 

though inmoon is angelic in looks, with the nature and background of the perfect renaissance man he is devilish in his person-hood with an over powering coquettish and manipulative nature. he perfects the traits and charisma of seduction and cunning however it is of a wiser nature. he has a knack for getting the truth out of people and views himself very much to be on a level that many others cannot reach, believing most would either want to be themselves or be with. In many ways he is cocky but he believes he is allowed this because unlike most who claim such things on pure visual basis, he is genuinely rather intellectual in both a dangerous and polymath way. 

his fearless nature though admirable is also a risky game to play, he cares about his members enough to argue that if he is to be punished, in the unlikely chance of being caught in his antics which he has learnt since childhood to keep disclosed, it should be him and him alone suffering consequences and he will not back down from such a stance, however he does not care enough to simply cut the behavior out all together. He suffers from a lack of filter, he often speaks in a way that is very passive aggressive and confrontational although he does not always mean it to sound like this. often he will ask the kind of uncomfortable sarcastic questions that exemplify he already has the answer but is simply trying to catch the other person out calmly as his own anger rises. 

he suffers with diagnosed mental health disorder in the form of anxiety and stress. If Inmoon is stressed, he will often end up burning himself as a form of self harm and purposefully beating himself up to cause physical harm and violence, this most commonly is in the form of him punching walls and the like till his hands are bloody and bruised and torn apart to the point they are seriously injured and a complete mess of broken parts. He will lock himself away for days on end and completely disassociate. tell tale signs of a breakdown oncoming are an increased and dangerous rate of drinking, rubbing temples or running hands over face with increased agression. Often his coping mechanism will be to push people away and either hurt them or himself however fits, usually emotionally for others and physically for himself. Inmoon does this sort of thing because he believes he is not worth anything and gets worryingly low when thinking about how much of a ‘failure’ he has been to his parents and upbringing. 

inmoon is a lothario and a playboy, his relationships are often more casual and based upon sex, however he has a great amount of respect and consideration for all his sexual partners and ends up caring about all of them in some way despite his best efforts. This often leads to arguments between him and his potential lovers because of how much of a livewire he is and how aware he is that this could hurt or endanger others if they got too deeply involved with him, he can be selfish because of this and make decisions for them that are not his own to make regarding himself and their involvement with him. if you were to find a drunk inmoon, you would find him at his most emotional and genuine self, vulnerable and willing to reveal his more dark and personal struggles that explain his behavior. 

in summary, inmoon is the type to portray himself to have an entirely different and more unbreakable and untouchable nature than he truly does, in reality his attitude toward himself is that he wasn’t made to be loved and therefore he does his best to not let this be his biggest weakness by disguising himself and removing himself from the possibility of it. he has grown up to believe that everyone will leave eventually not because he does not care, or because most people other than himself can usually gather that he cares for more than he lets on, he intrinsically believes himself to know that no sensible person would make the choice to stay by his side, to him this makes sense however deep down it is his biggest insecurity and his response is to bury it and act like he is unbothered by it. rather than be morbid or overly bright, he accepts his life for simply being it is what it is and carries on surving however he can. this, inmoon has found, is to be an asshole. 

[pan-akos]

A conversation I had with a friend whom I deeply respect and look up to

Me: So what wisdom do you have to impart on me this terrible day?

Friend: As a matter of fact I do. Because I know how much you love scripture, psalms 139:11&12

[Psalms 139:11&12: If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. (12) Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.]

Me: Hmm.. Why that verse?

Friend: Does it mean anything to you? I dunno it came to mind 

Me: Haha are you expecting it to?

Friend: Nope just asking. If it doesn't you can ignore it

Me: No it's pretty relevant. Is there any explanation behind it?

Friend: Okay well there is kind of. So I was praying for friends and fam, among them I prayed for you (yeah you're not that special jk!) and I felt God placing on my heart that verse for you, and I don't know why and don't know what it meant but it felt like he wanted you to know that so I just prayed over it. I know that sounds kinda strange and weird, but God's pretty cool that way so when you asked what wisdom I had it was brought back to my mind 

Me: Huh.. God is pretty cool that way. That verse kind of hits a few nails on the head. Answer me honestly, why did you text me today? Like just out of the blue

Friend: Well, I wanted to reach out these few weeks but I realized I didn't answer your question,and wanted to but also it's hard stuff, felt bad for not responding or at least not telling you why, so it just seemed easier to leave it. I figured you were kind enough to let me off the hook. Then I spoke with *** this weekend and I asked him how you've been. I could tell he didn't really know.  Also I pray for you guys in general so that wasn't out of the blue and I don't know why today is terrible day for you but I'm glad I texted 

Me: (...)Well today isn't a terrible day. It's a beautiful and wonderful day filled with blessings and good fortunes. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It's just a terrible surrounding. Terrible world. Terrible society. You know.. life. But thank you for reaching out and (...) thank you for that verse

Friend: Why is it terrible? You don't have get into if you don't want to. 

Me: Everything is terrible. Everything about everything is bad. Nobody wants to see it so they live happy event to next happy event. Life is full of missed dead lines and disappointments and mistakes and then you die

Friend: I agree with you and believe it or not I feel that way sometimes too. For me, I noticed i tend to think that way when I'm looking through the lens of my pain, my frustrations, and all the things going wrong. That becomes my reality. Cant help but wonder what is the point of it all? Do you think there is a point to all the missed deadlines/ mistakes? 

Me: I wouldn't say I'm coming to this conclusion after seeing things going wrong. Even in the happiest days I can think of, I didn't relinquish the truth in reality. There are so many people addicted to so many idols because they are all searching for the same thing, a chance at euphoria. A break from reality. We've all been given a cursed gift. We're trying to make the most of it while we can. There is a point to all of it. It's the point of life. The purpose for it all. Which is to love. Simple as that. Everything else is the curse. The gift is love

Friend: Boy you lost me lol. I might have to chew on it for a bit. 

What is the cursed gift you're talking about after the line "a break from reality"? Is it different from the end where you say the gift is love? Are you saying everything else is distraction/ hinders our purpose to love? And if the purpose is to love, how does that relate/ tie back to the need for euphoria?  

I feel like I'm dissecting a piece of work here and Sorry for all the questions!

Me: Oh the cursed gift is life. It's a gift because of the beauty it contains but it's cursed because in this life, we are created and born sinners and we spend our entire lives fighting the darkness. It is also both because we were given life without a choice. Love is not our gift. At least, I wouldn't say it's our primary gift. Love is more along the lines of our purpose, the definition of reality and everything it holds. God made us in His image and God is love. We are love. Our purpose is to love. But this love was contaminated when our forefathers made mistakes that we must pay for our entire lives. We contaminated love when we tried to reach it through drugs and sex and money; through idols. Drugs, sex, money, fame, glory, pretty much everything in Romans 1:29-31

[Romans 1:29-31: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, (30) Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, (31) Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful]

, they're all quick fixes for our need to love. Love brings about euphoria. We thirst so desperately for love that we find it in every crevice that the devil has laid out for us. For example, we find it ever sale that forces us to spend money on "good deals" for things we don't need. We find it in every extra packet of sugar that feeds our gluttony, every sip of liquor that lift our spirits and clouds our vision and distracts our problems, every pretty face that smiles at us before we turn off the lights and pull the covers, we find love in everything that brings us short bursts of euphoria. But we never take the time to search out the everlasting love. And so, such as we are in our inhibitions, lacking as we are of our true purpose, all of these sheep are led to slaughter. We are made to love the creation by the Creator. But instead, we focus our love on OUR (dare I say "fucked up") creations. We chase things we control because (and this is a whole other chapter) we are fearful of the emptiness and the vastness of grace because that would mean we have to walk by faith and.. I am getting into many topics I cannot cover in a text haha

Don't worry about the questions. These are topics I've had a lifetime to scrutiny and study at length and there are truths I am still uncovering. It can't all be said in a short conversation. There are books in some of these terrifying, frightening, awe-inspiring truths. It's a fascinating world out there. So broken and messed up, but fascinating

By no means do I believe I'm right. I hope I'm wrong. I have a very dark view on reality and I want to believe I'm wrong so please don't think I'm here preaching what I 'know' is right. I'm learning everyday. This is just the truth I've gleaned from my experiences

Friend: You got so deeep and then you paused ahah. Mhmm I hear you. There's truth to things you said.  Stuff you said reminds me of a book I read in high school called siddartha I think. Also any particular book you're talking about? Do you mind tying it back to your original thought on everything being terrible? 

And you’ve explained the cursed but blessed life we have, but where do we go from here? 

Me: I didn't mean books in particular. I enjoy fantasy novels lol not thought invoking books. I'm too shallow for that haha. I meant that I have books worth of thoughts on these subjects. So many revelations about the damn-ness of the human mind and heart. The things that drive us. The way our minds are programmed and affected by the things around us. I have found so many truths about these things that I could fill books if I were to speak them out. (Not in a cocky way, please don't think that. I just have a lot to say on these subjects). They've been the center point of my focus throughout my entire life. The human psyche. Our mind, will, and emotion. The essence of our soul. I have searched for answers for a long time lol and my search has led me to so many places. Dark places and these are just my collective thoughts on it

And absolutely. I meant about everything being terrible in the sense that these truths reveal what life really is. A constant, painful, never-ending struggle to run away from the death of our desires and aspirations. We do absolutely everything we can to run away from pain and darkness. And everything is so terrible because if we stopped for a second, we would see that everything is pain and darkness. It takes effort to find love, to find peace and happiness. But humanity, in its truest, most natural state, is chaos and violence. We are a messed up, violent, parasitic, murderous species. We are that by nature. And that's what's so terrible

Lol we go on. We continue everyday chasing something to love. And for the few of us that have open eyes, we see. We see that true love only comes from the father. God has loved us so incredibly much when we give Him ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to do so. We try to emulate that love to the things around us and then we die. Such is life. C'est la vie

It's a crest falling depressing truth. As to why this truth is so sad is another essay lol

Friend: I see why you wanted to major in psychology. You have inquisitive mind and you're also not afraid to confront the hard questions. 

Most people would say you're being pessimistic/ have a bleak perspective. I wouldn't say so. You see the darkness that people try to shut out and ignore, and you welcome it.  That's okay. He's unfazed by it. 

You and I both know the story doesn't just end there!

Me: The sadness in the truth is something that can be tied to all of our sadness. I just realize it and choose to exist in it while most others don't realize it and choose to spend life running from it. I prefer the darkness. Other don't. It's just a preference of existence. Not an opinion of truth

Friend: That sounds isolating, do you feel like it is? 

Me: Hahaha funny you ask.. it's extremely isolating. I've felt like it drives to close forms of insanity at times. It makes me physically ill, causes all kinds of pains, insomnia, self deprecation. It's an incessant mental wrestling. Its a very very dark, bleeding, life sucking, almost psychotic way of life. 

But in the book you mentioned, remember the vice that truly caused Siddhartha to loose himself to the childlike people was gambling? That was his addiction. Mine, is this lifestyle. It's like being told a life changing truth. For example, if I told you that monsters were real, werewolves, vampires, ghouls, chuppacabra, fairies, aliens, centaurs, whatever. If I proved to you it was real, you would question every "weird" noise. Every "supernatural" story. Your entire life would change and you can never go back to life as it was. It's kind of the same thing. I see.. things. I can't go back to the way life was. I can't turn it off. I don't think I would want to, even if I could. 

Also, at any point, if you start to question my sanity, please re read those last few pages of the book. Lol I'm not crazy. But like he says, you can't explain wisdom with words. If you try, it sounds silly and stupid. I'm not saying what I have is wisdom (because God knows it's not). But it's something I can't explain with words without sounding like a weirdo. I can show it.. "prove it", in a sense. I have shown it. But that's a whole new set of demons and I've regretted that in the past lol

[acentrpg-blog]

Whoa! Did you see Cho Kaili, the lead rapper of Imperium? He’s 22 years old and looks a lot like Yoon Jeonghan. I look forward to seeing more of his work in the near future.

TW: abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, anorexia, suicide, rape

he’s born on what should be a joyous day, a spectacular one in one of the worlds most beautiful countries. but his mother doesn’t see it that way.

see, the woman didn’t want another child. she had a daughter, six years old at the time of her sons birth, and she was happy with her. but the new arrival was unexpected and only the father was happy on the occasion, with the surprise. the mother was bitter, only succeeding in hiding it as best she could because why should she let anyone else know of her.. displeasure?

his sister’s over the moon though, the young child growing up adoring her little brother, protecting the young boy from the world much like her father. the father was happy, photographing his children together as much as possible, and then some more. sometimes having their mother in the photos too. but her smile is fake, and she spends most of her days fawning over the daughter still or working on her next big design. she ignores her new child as much as she can, without her husband and daughter catching on, that was.

it was at six when the mother finally gazed at her son fully. the young boys cheek painted red, eyes puffy and swollen from the tears following the slap from his mother. he wants to run to his sister, his father, but the sharp grip on his wrist stops him. he’s too young to understand the snapped words, harsh and horrific, and nothing that a six year old should’ve been vulnerable to. but they still brand themselves into his brain forevermore.

it continues on for years. hidden behind the scenes, a mother’s slurred words at her son. and she hits him again. and again. all the while she chooses to abuse him verbally, words always spat out in harsh whispers at home, or muttered to him outside. the mother makes it known only to him. but still, the husband– the father– and the sister remained in the dark to it. they laughed in the son’s face the last time he tried to speak up about it.

it’s at thirteen, a year after moving to seoul to further his mother’fs fashion career, having it exceed elsewhere anyway, where the family had moved after the birth of their first child. they needed a new destination to debut it and seoul was the perfect opportunity. after a year there though, his father walks in early from a shoot to the sounds of his wife spewing profanities at his son for catching him wearing his sisters dress that he still wears then, only it’s creased now. and there’s a bruise forming on his cheek. the thirteen year old keeps sobbing on the floor, mother towering over him, words like bullets fuelling the demons already settled inside her son, the insecurities and the vulnerability. he breaks it up by shouting at the woman that he loved, screaming his own words at her before cradling the young boy in his arms as the wife storms out. it’s then the father realises the act his wife has been putting on for years, what his son has lived through.

fourteen, and he’s stuck in the same house, with the same woman. the lawsuit won out in her favour following the divorce. the father got the daughter, the mother.. the son. her sweet act proved too believable; no one held faith in the sons story. and things get worse and the years pass on. the son’s put into modelling to earn the mother more wealth, cash, success, but overall she doesn’t care about the boy. doesn’t even let him see his father or his sister, as much as she can stop it. it’s after the modelling career starts that the anorexia follows. after watching all the others, plus the degrading words that his mother throws his way to fuel insecurities, it starts a whirlwind of more hell for him.

fifteen and he finds himself being pushed into the idol life by the devil woman. pushed into intense training following the start of the modelling career because she wants her family name out there in whatever way possible. she wants to force her child into the spotlight so she can have it too. take it and show herself off because being a famous designer wasn’t enough. so she pushes him. and pushes him, until he can feel himself breaking at every touch. her hands are burning as they grip his wrists and scream at him to do better. and the son wonders then if his mother really is crazy. or she really is the devil.

three years on, and he’s debuting after the intense trials he’s been put through. she doesn’t care about his group, nor his position. the mother doesn’t care about anything so long as he’s successful and she forces the broken boy into the spotlight once more. but it proves too much.

nineteen, and he wakes up in hospital with the scowling woman next to him, a bandage wound tightly around his wrist, body too thin, weak after the years of stress and struggle put on it. but that’s not why he’s there.

suicide.

two days before, the son takes a sharp shard of the broken mirror in a shaking, thin hand and carves into his wrist a deep wound.

the onlookers, the admirers, they call him an angel for his beautiful looks and charm, graceful walk and sweetheart attitude. for how pretty he looks. but his mother calls him the devil’s child. a mistake, a failure, a disaster of a child. ugly. fat. unsightly. horrific. damaged. a slut and a whore. despite the only one he’s slept with being a male photographer that forced himself on him at seventeen because he was caught trying out the different lipsticks and eye shadows. heels and skirts.

some call him perfect, but the words don’t stick. the only ones that do are the wicked ones of his mothers. the sick ones that destroy him.

so at nineteen he wakes up brittle and broken. alive.

the woman covers it up with the media for the company by calling it ‘a fall at home’. a fall at his mothers home is the reason her son, rising idol, heir and beauty, is in hospital for seven months receiving therapy that won’t do anything for him but make him sees things in a different light. but everyone else thinks he’s recovering while he stares at the same four white walls day in day out. the only saving grace is that the woman disappears for those seven months. and he doesn’t need to worry any longer about smiling for a camera.

the boy doesn’t know how she convinced them to keep him in the group. be in bribery or blackmail, or whatever other trick she still has up her sleeve, but he still ends up walking back a familiar path up to the dorm that houses his group. a part of him had wondered then if they’d even remember him, or think him insane. did they know the truth? or were they as in the dark as everyone else was? did they believe a trip home resulted in a seven month recovery from falling whilst being unable to come and visit. restricted of access. those thoughts crossed the nineteen year old’s head as he walked in and past everyone, curling up in a then cold bed for the rest of the night.

he gets quieter from then, a noticeable change as he only speaks when spoken to. only answers when he’s asked a question before going back to whatever he was doing before. he almost sounds cold in a way, different from the sweetheart of before.

months go by until he’s twenty and he’s finally started to settle again. he refuses to take part in any activities over that time, but by managing to find ways to evade and avoid his mother, not her words or constant texts blaring up with vulgar language though, but it’s enough to make him feel less like everyone is out to get him. he gets better then too, at least in the social aspect of actually being able to speak to others again instead of push them away, but slowly he comes back to himself. slowly he feels more at peace, only now he doesn’t let others walk all over him. safe for his mother who can still control him more than he’ll ever like, but her words stutter him to a halt everytime, remind him of what he doesn’t want to know.

the anorexia doesn’t go away either, despite it being identified now and being able to receive treatment. he tries his best, but it’s still hard. it’ll always be hard. but the positive side of things is that maybe he finally starts to understand his identity, a crisis he’d been having from a young age in terms of gender at least, only few being confided in. but the pretty clothes, the dresses, skirts and shirts and all sorts that hide at the back of his wardrobe– they make him feel pretty. they make him feel better. sometimes. but he can’t wear them when he most wants to, like the times he’s forced to finally go back up on stage after around a year hiatus with rare updates. those are the times he needs to confidence most.

but just like his mother, still out to get him, the son also knows how to put up a good facade in front of a camera. he learned that from her.