#like the montage of the doctors life on screen as they kiss

[cosmicallyavg]

thirteen really should have gotten a chance to properly tell yaz "everything" and she should have gotten to do it telepathically via kiss

[hotcupoteckla]

Ooo converse of issekai, long post oncoming.

Like it's a slice of life anime with rarely interspersed scenes of the dude having died and sent to a fantasy world, but that is NOT the main story, it's just in her dreams. Like she dreams of him and his adventures. Only he also slowly becomes more and more handsome over the episodes and becomes part of that world irrevocably, and she's both convinced he's alive because of these dreams and that she is responsible for bringing him back, but we the audience are compelled to shout to the screen how she's not and never will be and she has her whole life in front of her right here.

Season two is him getting sleep cursed in fantasy realm, seeking cure and he's dreaming of her as the majority of the plot for each episode, but his fantasy life bits are just montages with a monologue from him about how he sees her suffering and how he wishes he could just tell her he's okay and he's happy now and how he knows it's not really her fault due to critical flashback episode where he tricked her into kissing him literally the week before and it was wrong of him to do that and he never apologized even though he should because it was a very cruel trick. Meanwhile the majority of the episodes are focused on how she has been sent to "a hospital" for being an egomaniac which also feeds into her becoming the full protagonist of a psych-thriller plot line set, including how her dreams are being observed unbeknownst to both of them by the doctors of the facility and they think she's the key to opening the doors between dimensions and helping other issekaied beings return to their homeworld.

Season 3 centers on the legit psychiatrist who's trying to treat his patient[hot girl] getting sucked into the plot of how she's not really insane, but is in need of some help & deep work and helps her & the ex-incel get closure with both resolving the issekaied bad psych guys and helping her see how while she might have been able to save the incel with kindness, she wasnt the only one there and did not owe him anything, and she is not responsible for his death and did try to help in a way that would not cause her further harm.

Fin!

Scene in a cartoon where the pathetic incel character needs CPR mouth to mouth from the hot girl and hot girl gets a nearby fish to put up to his lips except instead of waking up the guy and snapping him out of it, the character dies and the sassy hot girl carries the emotional weight of knowing CPR and yet deciding to put a fish in the face of a dying man.

[walkerismychoice]

Queen of My Heart - Chapter 38 (The End!)

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake X MC, Liam X Olivia, Hana X OC Lydia

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The show comes to and end, and Riley contemplates her future

Author’s Note: I can’t believe I’ve finally brought this series to an end. There was quite a long time I thought I may never finish. I want to thank all the readers and friends who’ve read and encouraged me along the way. I want to especially thank @debramcg1106 as of late for helping me work through the ending and pushing me to finish it out. This is the technical end of the story, but I do have an epilogue planned as well.

Tag List: @khakie4 @dreadpirateemma @ritachacha @blackcoffee85 @choices-fanatic @boneandfur @butindeed @simplyaiden-blog @bobasheebaby @traeumerinsworld @theroyalweisme @umccall71 @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @enmchoices @withice @viktoriapetit @mfackenthal @drakesfiance @drakelover78 @speedyoperarascalparty @silviasutton1989 @krisnicjack @devineinterventions2 @choiceswreckedme @notoriouscs @blackcatkita @hamalu @akrenich @drakewalkerfantasy @jamielea81 @andy-loves-corgis @jlouise88 @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @i-miss-trr @dragonball-luver @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14

Word Count: 2230

Queen of My Heart Chapter Index

Due to everything that transpired, filming of the finale was delayed two weeks. Riley was grateful for the time and hardly left Drake’s side during his recovery. He was sent back to the palace after a couple days, and Riley had to convince him that whiskey was not a suitable replacement for the antibiotics and pain medication the doctor prescribed. Reluctantly he obliged. He worked with physical therapy, and by the end of those two weeks, you’d have hardly known he’d been injured at all.

Olivia was salty her ball had been ruined, but the production staff made up for it, giving her and Liam an overnight filmed at Olivia’s northern Lythikos retreat. She was still worried the country would favor Riley with Liam, but Kat assured Olivia between her heroic actions, personal growth, and some favorable editing, it would be hard for most people not to be on her side.

As for Madeleine, it was still unclear if she would be charged criminally or would be incompetent to stand trial due to her mental health, but either way, she wouldn’t be a danger to anyone for quite some time. It was questionable if Jo’s involvement in the whole thing broke any laws. She wasn’t Cordonian, so she couldn’t be charged with treason for skirting security and endangering the life of the crown prince, but authorities were looking to see if there was anything they could make stick. At the very least she was blacklisted and would never work in television again.

So finally, on a calm, clear, day, there was only one obstacle left. Riley met with Liam, adorned in a stunning, body-hugging, Swarovski crystal filled dress, to put on the performance of a lifetime and act as if he’d shattered her heart. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. There were a couple of takes where neither of them could keep a straight face followed few that were unbelievably dramatic, but ultimately Riley was able to tap into her vulnerability and the tragedy she had faced to bring genuine emotion and tears to light. It didn’t matter that it was unrelated to what was happening in the scene, it was real. Kat said it was perfect, and Liam was free to propose to Olivia.

-----

Now that all is said and done, who will Liam choose to be his future Queen? Will it be the fierce Duchess Olivia, or the plucky newcomer Riley? Stay tuned for the finale of Queen of My Heart.”

Maxwell draped his arm around Riley’s shoulder. “What do you think, sis? How did I do on my television debut.”

Maxwell, Bertrand, Savannah, Hannah, Lydia, Liam, Olivia, Riley, and Drake were all huddled in the palace screening room to watch the finale as it aired.

Just about anyone would have been an improvement over Chad,” Riley teased, ”but the squid suit was definitely a nice touch. Your delivery was great, but did you have to call me plucky?”

“You know I had to play it cool,” Maxwell explained. “Plucky is good, but not over the top. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m playing favorites because you’re my sister.”

Riley rolled her eyes. “The suggested ‘noble newcomer’ would have been sufficient.”

“It was a stylistic choice.” Maxwell made a gesture with his hand indicating a mock hair flip.

"Ugh, enough about Maxwell," Olivia groaned. "I'm ready to get to the good part. Can we just fast-forward through any mushy Liam and Riley stuff? Nobody needs to see that."

"I second that." Drake raised his hand in rare agreement with Olivia.

Liam just shook his head. "I know nobody watches live network television anymore, so you must have forgotten how this works. There's no fast-forwarding. Not even through commercials."

"That's fine with me." Lydia chimed in. "More time for making out."

"Lydia!" Hannah's cheeks turned a deep shade of pink.

Lydia pecked her on the lips. "Sorry babe. You're just too damn cute when you blush."

Hannah remained quiet but her smile gave her away. Lydia, with her outgoing, bold, and slightly unpredictable personality, was the perfect complement to Hannah being so shy, proper, and focused. They brought out the best in each other, and the difference in Hannah between when Riley met her until now was night and day.

The friends watched the show and Riley only cringed at herself in a few places, which was much less than she thought she would. Things did get a bit awkward during the montage of kissing scenes between Riley and Liam, and Maxwell and Bertrand made a show of covering their eyes for the steamier parts. They all laughed inappropriately when Liam dumped Riley since they knew it wasn't real. And then finally when Liam proposed to Olivia, everyone cheered.

Riley thought of her friends and family at home. She pictured aunt Susan, Sarah, and Daniel all rooting for her and how disappointed they must have been that she "lost." She couldn't wait to tell them, however, she hadn't lost at all.

"Wow, Livvy." Drake quipped, bringing Riley out of her deep thoughts. "How much did you have to pay them to give you such a flattering edit?"

Olivia threw a pillow at his head which he deftly dodged. "Fuck off, Walker. You were so desperate to get on the show, you leapt in front of a bullet."

"Now, now children." Liam said in a mock scolding tone. "Let's all play nice."

"Yes, father," Drake and Olivia replied in unison, causing laughter to erupt around the room.

Riley still didn't have all the answers about what her future would hold, but she had found her people. Where she was in that moment was where she needed to be.

Savannah yawned. "It's getting late. We should probably go and relieve the sitter." Riley hasn't wanted to pry into Savannah and Bertrand's relationship, but they were working together to parent Bartie and things seemed to be falling into place for them.

"Yes, yes." Bertrand agreed. "Time is money!"

"Oh my god, Bertrand." Savannah rolled her eyes. "Life isn't all about money."

"She’s right." Maxwell propped his arm on Savannah's shoulder. "Besides, now that the show is over, we'll be getting some money, and Kat said if viewers responded well to me, they would probably offer to extend my contract in the franchise. By the looks of these tweets, I'm going to be rolling in dough. 'That Maxwell guy is so hot...ridiculously funny...just what the show needed.' Should I read more?

"Please no." Bertrand groaned. "We can talk finances later. Goodnight, all."

As the rest of the crowd dwindled, Liam asked Drake and Riley to stay behind. He kissed Olivia and promised to join her when the conversation was through.

"So what's up?" Drake got right to the point once only the three of them remained.

Liam cleared his throat. "Well as you know, I highly value your loyalty to the crown."

"Heh." Drake let out a terse laugh. "I don't really give a fuck about the crown, but I do care about you."

"In any case, you take your job very seriously and I could see you as head of the guard one day, once Bastien retires." Liam paused before continuing. "However, I do have another proposition for you."

Drake raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Go on."

"How would you like to be the head of Valtoria?" Liam asked expectantly.

Drake' eyes narrowed in contemplation. "I thought Valtoria was unoccupied. Is there a new Duke or Duchess there now that needs a security detail?"

"No, no." Liam laughed. "Well, there could be. That's what I'm trying to ask you. I would like to give Valtoria to you."

"No fucking way. You have to be kidding me. Did you sign up for some royal version of a prank show now?" Drake scanned the room as if searching for hidden cameras.

"I'm serious, Drake. I think you would make a fantastic duke."

Drake scoffed. "I'm a commoner who despises most nobles and everything the monarchy stands for."

"That's exactly why you'd be perfect for the role." Liam explained. "Cordonia needs a fresh perspective - someone who can resonate with the people the monarchy serves. Just think, you could have a real voice in creating change. I don't want to rule like my father has and his father before. I want the people to have the representation they deserve, and you are a key to that."

Drake sighed deeply. "I don't know Li. Even if I could do this - if I wanted to - what makes me worthy? What's everyone going to say when they find out you gave an average dude the title of Duke just because he's your best friend?"

"I'll tell them that Drake Walker is anything but average. He's smart, capable, and fiercely loyal. He's saved my life more times than I count and has more integrity than anyone I know. Public policy can be learned, but these qualities cannot be taught. He may not be noble by blood, but he is my family, and he belongs."

'Wow, Liam." Drake ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to say."

"You're quiet over there." Liam directed at Riley. "What do you think?"

"Me?!" Riley had been as shocked by this as Drake, and she didn't know what to think. This was about Drake, not her. Did her opinion really matter? "I, uh.... think this is really Drake's decision."

Drake took Riley's hands in his. "But it's yours too. I mean, if we are going to be together..."

"Oh, well..." How was Riley supposed to help Drake decide such a life altering thing when she didn't even have her own life sorted out?

Drake didn't leave her fumbling for too long. "Liam, I really don't know if either of use is equipped to answer this question right now. It's a very generous offer, and the fact that I'm not totally shutting you down for suggesting such a ridiculous thing as me being a Duke should tell you I'm genuinely willing to entertain the idea."

Liam chuckled. "I completely understand. This life is new to both of you in different ways, and to navigate a new relationship on top of all that is a lot to ask. I'm in no hurry to fill the vacancy. Consider it an open-ended invitation. I trust that you'll be ready to make your decision long before the public pressures me into making a new appointment."

"Thanks, Liam." Drake gave him hug and patted him on the back. "Now get back to your fiancé before she blames me for keeping you too long."

-----

Back in her palace guestroom, Riley nestled into Drake, her head resting on his chest. "It's been quite a night, huh?

"You could say that again." Drake pulled her tighter against him.

"I kind of feel like we're moving so fast, we're skipping steps - like we're being asked to decide the rest of our lives before we even know what we want to do tomorrow." Riley knew nobody was outright asking for an immediate decision, but she felt the weight of everyone's expectations. Whether she stayed in Cordonia or went back home, she'd probably be disappointing someone.

"Who says we have to?" Drake asked. "You heard Liam. He doesn't need an answer right away. I Know you haven't decided what you want, and I sure as hell don't know what I'm going to do yet. Why don't we take some time together to just...be. Do normal couple things and see where the relationship takes us."

"Normal couple things... I mean I don't know how I can go back to my normal peasant life after attending weekly balls dressed in couture gowns," Riley teased, "but I think I could make that sacrifice for you, my commoner boyfriend."

"Hey, watch who you are calling commoner." Drake pinned Riley down and tickled her sides until she begged him to stop, and he collapsed beside her again. "I just may outrank you soon if I so choose."

Riley laced her fingers through Drake's. "It's crazy to think how our lives have changed in a few short months. I don't think I could have made it through all of this without you, and not just because you kept literally saving my life."

"You may not have taken a bullet for me, but you've saved me too. For once in my life, I see multiple paths with meaning and purpose. I've seen so much of myself reflected in you, but it id the version of me I want to be, not the one I was. You've shown me trials and hardships don't have to make you bitter, and that you don't have to fit the cookie cutter mold to find your place here... Oh, God, listen to me. What have you done to me Bennett?" Drake shuddered in mock disgust.

Riley softly pressed her lips to his and pulled back with a smirk. "I don't think I can take all the credit, or the blame as you might put it. But enough talk about the future. You said we should focus on the now, and right now all I need is you."

"Well then, your wish is my command." Drake pulled Riley tight to him and then they lost themselves in each other, completely unencumbered by any decisions about their future. Those could wait for another day.

[darlingultra]

Comfort Couch

Universe: BnHA

Muse: Red Riot / Eijiro Kirishima

Warnings: Lots of softness, slight angst

Friday nights were always your favorites.

Why?

Because those were the times that your lovely boyfriend would spend the night cuddling into you as the both of you shared snacks and watched cheesy action movies. Sure, it sounds simple and boring to lay around and be a couch potato all night, but it meant something different to you and Kirishima.

Nights like those were what the both of you looked forward to after a long and grueling week of hero work; due to its unpredictable nature, you and Ei’s schedules were at odds more often than not. Your quirk was more useful when the moon was out, so most of your patrols took place during the later hours of the night. Even now as you stretch out on your living room couch cradling a bag of half-eaten chips, your body felt light and full of energy. 

Man I can’t wait until Ei gets home...

Kirishima also happened to be one of the top heroes, which made his job more demanding. Fan meetings, interviews, hero promotions; he liked to do it all. Looking up to Crimson Riot changed his life for the better, and he wanted to be that kind of role model for someone else. He was very passionate about his job and inspiring people, and you made sure to support him every step of the way. 

But...

You couldn’t help but to worry sometimes. Eijiro was the strongest man you knew, but on nights like this, that deep dark fear in your heart ran rampant with every passing minute.

What if he left, and….never came back?

As if to shock you from your fears, the nightly news started with a story that had just seemed to break.

“—The infamous villain Shatterback was finally apprehended tonight in an all out battle against Pro-Heroes Fatgum, Suneater and Red Riot—“

Your heart skipped a beat the moment his name was said. Trembling fingers fiddled against the remote, desperately trying to increase the clarity of the newscaster’s voice with the TV’s volume. 

Shaky camera footage taken a little ways away from the action played on the screen, a familiar shock of red hair flashed across the screen before it collided with a menacing-looking man. The man staggered, but remained strong and steady, looking almost smugly at the camera. His arm shifted quickly, and the redhead shot across the screen, bouncing off of a car with the screeching of tires and an audible thud. 

Your eyes were glued to the screen, silently pleading for him to move. 

The sounds of a whip echoed off screen, sending the lens after the noise. Suneater had the villain’s arms bound with his infamous tentacles, and Fatgum slammed the villain with a heavy gut punch as his eyes darted quickly off screen in Eijiro’s direction. The villain crumbled to his knees as he heaved for air, the smug look faltering for just a fraction of a second. Fatgum’s attention darted off screen once again, a bit frantic this time as he slapped heavy cuffs onto the villain.

Ei, please…

The cameraman cut back to where Eijiro had landed, his body still unmoving as he lay on the floor. “—Riot remained in this state, and was sent to the hospital immediately after Shatterback was captured. Next up on the eleven o’clock news--”

The tv went silent. You couldn’t hear it over the sound of your nervous heartbeat thrumming in your ears, and the anxious thoughts running wild in your brain.

What if Kiri’s really hurt? What if he can’t do hero work anymore? What if…

What if—

You were so caught up in your internalized fears, that you didn’t hear the door to your apartment click and slide open. A heavy sigh disperses into the air as tired feet shuffle to the couch.

What if he—

The couch shifts, and you feel something warm press against your cheek as strong arms squeeze quickly around your torso.

“I’m home, pebble!”

Your troublesome thoughts shatter immediately at the comforting tone of his voice as relieved tears prick in the corners of your eyes. His toothy grin changes into a comforting half-smile as he quickly pulls you into his embrace, shielding you from the TV as he turns it off.

“Pebble, I’m right here.” his arms tighten around you, as he rests his chin on your head. “I hardened just before I hit the car. He knocked me out for a bit, but the doctor said it wasn’t serious. You know your big Boulder can’t be knocked down so easily!” 

And then he sweeps you into his arms, sauntering towards the bathroom. “I think we should wash off all of the stress we’ve been through today. And then afterwards, we can do what we usually do on Friday nights. Deal, baby shark?”

“Sounds like a plan to me, babe.”

____________________

After a luxurious bath and a silly round of snack hoarding, the two of you find yourselves in your favorite place on Friday nights; with Ei holding you from behind as you both lounged on the couch. You popped a piece of popcorn into your mouth and then held one behind you, offering Ei a piece. He accepted it teasingly, a giggle escaping his mouth as his teeth grazing against your thumb and index finger. You jump back in surprise, shooting him a glare. The hand resting on your waist tip-toes up your figure, tilting your face towards him as he steals a quick kiss.

“I love you, you know that right? And—Wow, he didn’t even try to dodge that bullet!” He looks at the tv incredulously.

“Babe...we watched him put a bulletproof vest on earlier. Do you not remember that preparation montage?”

“Aww hush,” he mumbles, silencing you with a quick kiss. “I was too busy watching you laugh at it.”

You sigh and turn around, wrapping him up in a tight embrace. Both of his hands come around you, holding you tighter against him. His heartbeat thrums in his chest, quickening ever so slightly.

“I love you too, Kiri.”

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Broken Wing Job

leverage 5.08

thE MONKEY IN THE BOX

- - - - -

I love how casually she sets up her rigging in headquarters

- - - - -

Hardison: Yeah, basically not true. Look, babe, six weeks of bed rest. Doctor’s orders. Not optional. And don’t forget to take your pain pills, okay?

[Leverage Headquarters]

Parker: They make everything go wibbly-wobbly. (grabs a bottle of orange pop and opens it)

Hardison: Yeah, that’s how you know they’re working.

Parker: But I got to be sharp... on the edge. It’s where I got to be. Can’t have nothing in my life I can’t walk away from in 30 seconds if I feel the heat coming around the corner.

[Equipment Closet]

Hardison: Parker, look, I know that you’re... Wait, hold up, babe, did you just quote “Heat”?

[Leverage Headquarters]

Parker (chuckling): Yeah, that’s where that’s from. Ha, watched your Netflix queue... Twice.

[Equipment Closet]

Parker: Think I’m going stir-crazy.

Hardison: You think?

wow, this ep already hits different during quarantine

- - - - -

Hardison: Babe, love, kisses, snuggles.

[Equipment Closet]

Hardison: Other romantic verbs. Take your pills, be nice to Amy. Look, we’ll be fine without you. (blows on equipment)

[Leverage Headquarters]

Parker: Yeah. That’s what I’m afraid of

NOOOOOO EVERYONE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU AROUND YOURE BABY

- - - - -

the montage of parker going crazy in the chair HITS SO CLOSE TO HOME IN CORONA SEASON

- - - - -

also parker drinks orange soda when she’s sick ,,, im soft

she probably should be drinking something healthier, though

I’m sure somewhere in the distance eliot’s Stupidity Senses™ are tingling and he’s internally screaming at her for not being healthier

- - - - -

Parker looks at her pill bottle, then at the bear. She begins changing the channel, then offers the remote to the bear)

Parker: Oh, what? You want to choose? Okay, fine. But no “B.J. and the Bear” And no reality dating shows... Except “Beauty and the Geek.” I like that one. Oh, what? You’re gonna sulk now? Okay, fine. I’m just gonna keep choosing, then

I love learning little things about parker, like how she likes beauty and the geek (it probably reminds her of her and hardison)

- - - - -

Parker: Hey, you know, these are really good. No, I’m serious. These are really good. Trust me, I’ve seen some of the best.

Amy: Thanks. I wish you could tell my father that, though.

Parker: Well, has he seen these?

Amy: No. He has never seen any of my artwork. Doesn’t stop him from having an opinion about art school, though.

Parker: What, he’s not a fan?

Amy: Not of any degree that doesn’t have an “m,” a “b,” or an “a” in it. He wants me to take over the family business.

Parker: And what is the family business?

Amy: What isn’t the family business?

okay, y’all, I get it now

I get why everyone loves amy now

it’s because she’s a cinnamon roll with a heart of gold and I too am now in love with her

ALSO parker has come far and she cares about people and compliments people she’s baby

- - - - -

Parker: Who are you guys? (thinks, writes ‘thieves’ on the board) You guys picked the wrong brew pub.

this SCREAMS home alone energy

- - - - -

(Eliot sits meditating with his eyes closed when his phone rings)

Eliot: Parker.

Parker: Hey, what are you doing?

Eliot: I’m waiting. How’s the knee?

[Leverage Headquarters]

Parker: Ah, driving me to crazy town. Pretty much like it’s on cruise control, cruising me through crazy town. And you know what? Let’s face it. I have way too much to do. This knee—I need to be on a bullet train through crazy town. I don’t have time to stop for gas, go to the museum.

[Tokyo]

Eliot: Parker, breathe. Identify your limitations. Turn them to advantages.

[Leverage Headquarters]

Parker: Okay, good. How do I do that?

[Tokyo]

Eliot: Adapt. I got to go

eliot will ALWAYS pick up for parker, even when he’s about to be attacked by a samurai

- - - - -

the air vents are SO HUGE and I don’t doubt for a minute it’s for parker

- - - - -

Amy: Okay, you want me to what, now?

Parker (hopping around the bench): Those guys are gonna rob this store, right? Which is fine. I don’t mind robbers who aren’t robbing me or my friends or kids or... But they brought a gun to the party, and that changes all the rules.

NOT IN HER HOUSE

plus no guns in their house anyways because Eliot Does Not Like Them and the team accommodates him for that

- - - - -

Parker: Because that’s what you do. I’ve seen your résumé. Volunteer work, charity efforts. Of all the people who work here, do you think Hardison really picked you at random? No. He knew you were one of us.

Amy: Okay, “one of us”? What does that mean, “one of us”?

Parker: People who have to help.

Amy (sighs and holds out her hand)

it’s officially canon that hardison handpicks the BEST people to hire and I love it

- - - - -

I love how they showed how parker was noticing things about the getaway van by taking notes on screen

- - - - -

Parker: Oh. I’m fine. (shrugs off her help) I got it, I got it, I got it. I got it. I’m fine. (nearly falls) Ugh!

Amy: Oh! Okay, tell me.

Parker: Tell you what?

Amy: You know what to do, and I know how to walk. No offense. So let me be your legs.

Parker: It could get scary in there.

Amy: I get it.

Parker: Okay. (hops back to the counter)

I WOULD DIE FOR AMY

+ this is so important how parker is caring about amy and wants her to make sure she knows what she’s getting into

- - - - -

Amy: Right, I’ll just tell them we’re short on servers. We do it all the time when we don’t feel like working. (catches herself) And you’re dating the boss.

Parker: You guys think of him as the boss?

Amy: Well, yeah, because that’s what he is.

Parker: Yeah, guess so. Is he a good boss? Do you—you guys like him?

Amy: What, are you kidding? He’s awesome. But don’t take this the wrong way. He is way too smart for this place.

Parker: I agree. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever met, and I’ve known some very smart men.

Amy: And I asked you about a brother, right?

Parker: Twice

my aesthetic is people in love with hardison (parker and eliot) telling people how hardison is the smartest person they’ve ever known

- - - - -

Parker: Hey. Hey, wait.

(V and K turn to look at Parker, who walks up to V)

V: What?

Parker: I’m gloating.

(Police take the two men away)

SHE H A D TO DO THE GLOAT™

- - - - -

Parker (lifts a glass to toast): To new friends, new food, and no fish.

James: No fish.

Amy: No fish.

(they drink)

Parker: Mmm. Start with Eliot’s chili. It’s the best

parker IMMEDIATELY recommends eliot’s food bc she loves him and supports his passion

- - - - -

PARKER AND AMY SITTING IN THE DARK WATCHING SCARY MOVIES EATING POPCORN IS E V E R Y T H I N G

- - - - -

Nate (eyes the bullet holes in the walls): How were things here?

Parker: Fine. Same. Boring. Like Japan.

Hardison: You know, I don’t believe you. (points at Amy) And, you, you’re a part of this. See this—all this? It’s not just any zombie movie. This the original zombie movie. Babe, it’s on Blu-ray. How is it possible to be bored? You know what we’re gonna do? We’re watching this from the beginning, because, obviously, you’re doing something wrong.

Eliot: I’m in.

Sophie: Sure. Why not?

Nate: Maybe a little more popcorn?

Amy: I’ll get some.

Nate (softly to Parker): Nice job while we were away.

(Parker smiles)

the whole team joining in to watch the movie with parker AND amy!!!

also, nate whispering good job to parker after an entire episode of establishing her as a mastermind? *chef’s kiss* iconique

[stardustdaemon]

We’ll Be Okay - Final

Finally here. I would like to say in advance, I’ve been debating an addition to this story since I finished it, a few ideas on where to take it and I hope this is the ending you would’ve liked to see for this fic. That being said, thank you to everyone who has given it support and love. Big love to you all and, enjoy!!!

                       —————————————————

It had been a few years since his last big scare. It was almost hard to imagine or believe, waking up every day with a fraction more energy than the last, a little more weight on his frame.

The hardest thing to believe was the warmth of Yoongi next to him every morning, the way his face would scrunch up when the sun light that peeked through the curtains would hit his face, the drawl of his voice when he’d wake up, the petulant and almost childish way he’d draw the covers over his head almost every morning.

Being able to get out of bed every morning, energy bursting at the seams as he’d go about showering, making breakfast and getting the olders coffee ready, always black with no sugar.

He remembered the day Yoongi asked him to move in with him, a bland day sat in a café to wait out the rain.

“Hey, I was looking at apartments the other day. I found some pretty nice ones.” Yoongi had spoken the words into the rim of his cup, piquing Taehyungs interest as the younger leant forwards slightly, replying with a hum of interest.

“They’re all pretty affordable too, how about you come look at them with me? One of them has a balcony, I know you like to star gaze.” His tone was gentle, soft in a rare and intimate way that made Taehyung’s heart flutter, in a good way. He nodded, taking a sip of his smoothie.

“Yeah sure! I’d love to come round to look at the sky. A bigger place will be better too, your current apartment is really cramped.” Taehyung mused, gently biting his straw absentmindedly, eyes trained on the rain. Yoongi stayed silent for a while before huffing, leaning over to hold Taehyungs hand. The younger raised an eyebrow, nodding to let Yoongi know he was listening.

“I actually wanted you to come with me. To move with me.” The words were quiet, swept away with the noise of the door opening but Taehyung had heard it clear as day, his face flushing red as he stared at the older, face splitting into a grin as he squeezed his hand.

“I would love to!”

It took some convincing both Jin and Namjoon that he’d be okay, ended with him making a promise to message them every day and meet up once a week. Not that he minded, he knew they were only concerned.

He often felt bad, for hiding how much pain he was in over the years, in fear of bothering everyone or stopping them from something important. But now older and better, he knew none of them blamed him, for being ill or hiding it, but he also understood the importance of telling those around him. Those who loved him.

“I don’t have much on today, just a phonecall. Want to do something?” Yoongi’s voice broke through his thoughts and Taehyung nodded, taking a bite out of his apple before leaning down to kiss his boyfriends forehead. Yoongi just smiled, hooking an arm around his waist to keep him close.  They stayed that way for a while, content in the silence of each others company.

“Can we just stay in today and watch a movie? Maybe order pizza, I really want Pizza.” Taehyung mused, chucking his apple core straight into the bin, hand resting over his heart in habit. Yoongi noticed, shaking his head to himself at the tiny spike of panic.

Taehyung hadn’t had an emergency in two years, since then they’d put him on new medication that seemed to be working wonders. He still got tired quicker than everyone else, sometimes nauseous out of nowhere and rarely threw up. There were days he’d spend in bed, pale and weak but he’d be bouncing about the apartment the next day, skin golden and warm. He’d join in on the play fights with Jimin and Jungkook, sometimes accompanying Hoseok to his dance practice, surprisingly good with his body.

As Yoongi watched his boyfriend (he still couldn’t quite believe he got to call him that) potter about the kitchen, he couldn’t help but smile. He always thought Taehyung was like the sun; bright and warm, welcoming and almost homey, even when he was at his worst. But now, the man stood in front of him was brighter than the sun, shining brighter than any star he could ever see.

“If we’re not going out, do we have to get dressed?” Taehyung mused, reaching for a glass as Yoongi stood up, arms wrapping around his waist, cheek pressing to his back.

“Nah, like this is just fine.” He mumbled, relishing in the gentle vibrations of the others laugh, way his shoulders moved with each breath.

“I think that’s everything. Why do we have so much stuff Yoongi?” Taehyung called out, dropping to the floor to catch his breath, ignoring the shoe digging into his hip. Yoongi just shrugged, leaning over him, hair and necklace dangling from his frame.

“No idea, though half of this is your god damn wardrobe.” He quipped, standing straight when Tae retaliated by swiping for his pendant. After helping the younger up, Yoongi led him to the bedroom, sitting him on the bed with a concerned frown. Taehyung rolled his eyes, forcing the irritation bubbling up inside of him to settle down. Yoongi was allowed to worry, he needed to learn to accept this.

“Get some rest, you did a lot today.” Yoongi’s words were quiet as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the youngers forehead. Taehyung just nodded, shrugging his jacket off an laying down.

“You too old man, it’s late. We can unpack tomorrow.”

“So, what are we watching anyway?” Yoongi asked, opening his arms on instinct as Taehyung leant backwards, back pressed to his chest.  

“Something cheesy. I don’t care that you don’t like it, you always fall asleep anyway.” Tae answered, shoving a slice of pizza at Yoongi’s mouth, a sign to not reply.

They settled in, lit only by the light of the screen as the main character appeared in what seemed to be a montage of their morning. Yoongi just sighed, hands pressed flat to Tae’s stomach as he settled in, eyes focusing on the boy in front of him rather than the screen.

The film was boring, incredibly so and Taehyung became restless half way through, eventually sitting up with a groan, stretching his arm above his head. They switched to an action movie, this time sitting side by side, knees touching and hands linked.

Life was easy with Taehyung. And even though in one of their cupboards there was emergency drips and needles, injections and stronger medication, it didn’t scare either of them anymore. Yoongi had asked the nurses to teach him how to administer any treatment. Taehyung still had scars and marks all over his body, but they were replaced by lingering kisses and gentle touches, hard to even remember anymore. Every inch of him was saturated in love, in adoration and he was happy.

Once they’d fully realised the depths of their feelings for one another, any awkwardness faded away, opening up to a relaxed and friendly atmosphere, often described by those around them as a “love that has already been for years and years.”

It had happened too fast. One moment Taehyung was happy, bubbly, leg propped up on the sofa as him and Jimin harmonised to the song on the radio, the next we had dropped to the floor, breathing shallow and hand on his heart. He briefly remembered his name being called, an extra voice, a journey into a car then blinded by lights.

He awoke where he knew he’d be, in a hospital bed, greeted by the setting sun and Yoongi sat at his side, face tight with stress.  

“Hey.” Taehyung spoke, sitting up and ignoring the way his body ached. Yoongi smiled, shoulders relaxing ever so slightly as he stood up, arms wrapping around the other. No more words were exchanged, both knew what the other was thinking, feeling.  

Once the doctor had been by, made sure Taehyung knew the signs of his limits and how to keep his energy high and given him a new prescription, he was free to leave once he felt ready. Yoongi stayed by his side, easy and going with what Taehyung said and he was grateful that he wasn’t making a fuss anymore. Grateful he didn’t feel guilty this time.  

The drive home was familiar and calm, eventually opening up to promises to protect and affirmations to stay safe.

Once their door was open, Yoongi had cracked, letting a tear fall down his face as he pulled Taehyung into a hug.

“Before I say anything, you’re not allowed to feel guilty, but, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you in a hospital bed, the feeling that runs through me when I know what’s happened. But I also know you’ll fight it, all the way, and I’m so proud of you for that. I love you. Thank you, for letting me in.”

Now bathed in the blue light of the tv, watching Yoongi’s chest rise with his breaths, his head on Taehyung’s shoulder as he slept, Taehyung had never felt happier.

“I love you.”

[gingercullenboy]

Movie Commentary Monday: Episode 1

Hello everyone and welcome to the very first episode of Movie Commentary Monday (or as i call MCM, which sounds ridiculous by the way) where I express my thoughts on a movie while desperately trying to be funny (and usually fail).

There will be dozens of side comments in brackets because I talk too much, sorry in advance.

This week’s movie is:

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)

Directed by: Todd Strauss-Schulson

Writing Credits: Erin Cardillo (screenplay&story), Dana Fox (screenplay) & Katie Silberman (screenplay)

Stars: Rebel Wilson, Liam Hemsworth, Adam Devine, Priyanka Chopra, Betty Gilpin, Brandon Scott Jones

Summary: A young woman disenchanted with love mysteriously finds herself trapped inside a romantic comedy.

(thanks IMDb)

Now, buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a loooooong ride. Let’s get down to business!

(this isn’t a Mulan reference)

Why is the Mom so bitter about happy endings? I bet she has seen things...

They don’t make movies for girls like us. 

THIS!!! LINE!!! IS!!! SO!!! IMPORTANT!!! 

That single sentence just basically summarized the entire history of Hollywood and you can’t argue with me on this. The evidence is there (sorry i’m bitter like mom) (i’m full of rage like younger john mulaney)

Natalie’s (Rebel Wilson) apartment is a mess and is so tiny, it’s like screaming YOUR FUTURE HOUSE at me, it’s unbelievable

Fucking finally, a realistic view of New York; smelly, crowded, and filth everywhere (not that i could ever know, i don’t live there but i’ve seen metropolitans before)

“STOP THE CART WITH YOUR BODY” WTFFF I’M CRYING THAT’S SO RUDE

Ok, Natalie’s a nobody at the workplace, even though she’s a fricking architect. UNREALISTIC TO ME

That co-worker and office manager can choke, that’s all I’m gonna say

Ohmygod, Whitney (Betty Gilpin) is so cute, I’ve seen her 10 secs in and I already love her (lovey dovey characters are always my faves)

JOSH (Adam Devine) IS AMAZING, ADORABLE DORK, PROTECT HIM AT ALL COSTS

LIAM HEMSWORTH’S AMERICAN ACCENT GOT ME SH00K!!! He just said “Goddamn it” and I am already hooked

Who puts whipped cream in a coffee? ME, BITCH

I PUT WHIPPED CREAM IN MY COFFEE BECAUSE BLACK COFFEE TASTES LIKE SHIT, SORRY THAT I’M NOT TOUGH AS YOU

Natalie says nice guy with a nice life and it... kinda bothers me. It’s a reaaaally generic expression and a bit insulting if you think about it bc if you don’t fit that person’s standards of being nice with having a nice life, it discourages you (in this case, you=man). So when Josh said “I’m a nice guy with a nice life” I thought ‘Of course you are’ bc he is in my standards. What I’m trying to say is that rom-coms have stereotypes on not only women but also men. Yes, it is sad.

Awwww Josh has a crush on Natalie *wipes happy tears* but she thinks he’s looking at the model billboard LMAO SAME, NAT

I’m so done (but it’s also so relatable, bc i’m like Nat but with less cynicism)

WHITNEY’S DESKTOP OMG

PAWSITIVE VIBES???? I WANNA MARRY HER SO WE CAN WATCH ROM-COMS WITH CATS ON OUR LAPS ALL DAY TOGETHER

Natalie was on the subway and a stranger waved at her. Then he tried to mug her. Then she knocked herself over. My mom always says don’t talk to strangers and I see why. I’m 22, if you’re wondering *clears throat* Moving on...

OH MY GOD SHE WOKE UP WITH THE MAKE-UP ON AND A NICELY DONE HAIR WITH FLOWERS AND STRAWBERRY DRINK ON THE SIDE, I CAN’T-

Oh, hello Mr. Morningstar... *wiggles eyebrows* (quick note, i don’t actually watch Lucifer but i really like Tom Ellis)

She just ripped her IV and blood didn’t spill everywhere, yeah this is a rom-com alright 

She’s dressed from lost and found and she looks like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman-

NO WAIT, THE ENTIRE SETTING HAS CHANGED

HOLY SHIT ‘A THOUSAND MILES’ BY VANESSA CARLTON IS STARTED TO BE PLAYED BY A RANDOM GUY ON A BIKE AND HE PLAYS IT FROM THE STEREO ON HIS BIKE I’M CACKLING

ENTER LIAM, HE LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE (i’m a thirsty hoe, your suspicions are correct)

What the fuck does beguiling mean? *checks dictionary* oh, okay *is weirded out now*

HE’S AUSSIE NOW, THEY’VE DONE IT, HE’S KEEPING THE ACCENT, AND I’M HAPPY AGAIN

...Birds form a heart while flying... Uhhh... Strawberries and champagne in the limo... Rich as fuck, my poor ass can’t relate

NATALIE’S STREET HAS CHANGED, TOO

He’s giving her flowers already? Ok- NO WAIT

HE JUST WROTE HIS NUMBER ON MULTIPLE FLOWER PETALS AND HANDED TO HER, IS HE FOR REAL LMAO

“But there’s only one of you, so...” Well, this doesn’t change the fact that there are millions of ways to order the numbers, you dumbass (why is he like this)

Her apartment... Every Millenials’ dream

And... A gay neighbor/best friend who acts like an over-feminine gay (which is also a stereotype)

So, I’ll count every rom-com trope I’ve seen in 22 mins *counts her fingers* So far, I have seven tropes

The Big Presentation (eight)

Unconventional workplace which looks like a Google office (nine)

Nat is the star architect now (ten)

Rival bitchy colleague (eleven) (WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE WHITNEY, THOUGH) (SHE’S MY SENSITIVE WIFE) (oh, she looks hot)

They gave like, four other tropes in two mins and it doesn’t feel like rushed at all *salutes respectively*

The setting change is so... Like, you cannot miss it, it’s sweet and makes you feel all giddy inside, it’s so lovely, so rom-com like (does that make sense to you?)

OH PRIYANKA, SHE JUST TURNED AND I’M LIKE “Oh I’m fucked”

“Josssssssh”

Natalie keeps falling (twelve)

“MY LIFE IS A ... ... ROMANTIC COMEDY!” “AND IT’S ... PG-13!″ EVERYONE STARTED DANCING BEHIND HER I’M HOLLERING 

The subway map behind her is shaped in a heart, lovey dovey couples everywhere... And shE’S GONNA JUMP ONTO A TRAIN??? THIS GOT DARK ALL OF A SUDDEN

Officer Hansom *facepalms*

She threw the flower petals and guess what? THE NUMBERS FELL DOWN IN THE CORRECT ORDER, WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN HAHAHA (thirteen)

Y’ello

Y’ELLO

Y’E LL O

IS THIS HOW AUSSIES ANSWER THE PHONE, AUSSIE MUTUALS PLEASE RESPOND

BLAKE (Liam Hemsworth) IS SO ADORABLE I’M ROOTING FOR EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE 

Dress up montage... Yeah- Oh wait, they cut it out what the hell fvygbuhnj I WANT MY DRESS UP MONTAGE, GIVE IT TO MEEE

This is some fancy first date though... Also leaving 100 bucks tip doesn’t justify breaking in to a store I guess??? Seems like the law has no function in rom-coms lmao (fourteen)

BUTTER PECAN??? HOW OLD ARE YOU, 200 OR SOMETHING??? WHAT THE FUCK, MAN

The rain... You know what’s coming after- Ah, and they kissed *giggles uncontrollably* YES!!! (fifteen)

THEY CAN’T HAVE SEX BC IT’S PG-13 (liam’s abs, though) *bi scream*

Her apartment makes me cry, it’s so beautiful (ok i’ll stop counting from now on bc i cannot keep up anymore)

Also the romantic tension between Natalie and Josh................ I have no words

Isabella (Priyanka Chopra) calls Josh ‘Mush’ and it’s so f-king cringey, I swear to God sxrdctfvygu

STOP OVERSELLING NEW YORK, WE KNOW IT’S NOT THAT GOOD

I can talk about Blake for five hours, he’s so fucking funny lmao

Donny (Brandon Scott Jones) is such a gay sidekick, he comes out of nowhere and talks weirdly but he makes me laugh so I’ll give him a pass

NOW WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE, NATALIE’S GONNA STOP ISABELLA&JOSH’S WEDDING

That musical scene is everything, and Natalie hits that high note H AR D

GET IT, GIRL

Blake............ no-

I ROOTED FOR YOU, WE ALL ROOTED FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT-

Oh my, he’s a certified douchebag, I should’ve guessed, I’m so disappointed in myself 

Unexpected wisdom coming from Donny who had no function to the story other than appearing beside Natalie at random times (again, rom-com trope) 

BUT at least he made her realised who matters to her the most

Slow motion running!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Her boobs are like sxrdctfvyg SHAKING AS SHE’S RUNNING ESXRDCTFVYB (as someone who has big breasts, i relate to that so hard) 

“Yoga Ambassador. Yoga. Ambassador.” “Ambassadors are for countries, not for streching.” Dang, Nat!!!

She finally realised she loves herself! Awww, that’s so sweet and empowering and I can’t get enough of this!!!! Yes, to love someone else first you should love yourself!

Oh she crashed the car and went back to reality

Another hot doctor???? Wait, I’m confused- No, false alarm, she’s back and her real doctor is tired, is also swimming through lawsuits LMFAO

She pulled her IV and blood SPILLED EVERYWHERE AS IT SHOULD BE, THANK GOD

I’m glad that she’s happy with what she’s got and she didn’t decide to keep what she’s been doing but instead, tried to take care of herself, it’s such a good message to young girls and I cannot praise this enough

PLOT TWIST, DONNY IS ACTUALLY REALLY GAY AND HAS A BOYFRIEND AND IS ALSO A WEED DEALER OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THE TWIST SO MUCH 

Natalie!!! Is!!! Confident!!! Now!!! I’m literally living for this *throws hearts to the screen*

OH MY WIFE IS BACK, HI WHITNEY I LOVE YOU MY SWEET SUMMER WIFE I MISSED YOU

Nat stormed into that meeting and she’s. on. fireeee

Real Blake is as jerk as ever, no surprise

Using parking lots as metaphors would never cross my mind but ok I guess???

Fuck, he said “What does beguiling mean?” I’M LOST FOR WORDS, THIS MOVIE SXDCTFVYGU

JOSH HAS BEEN LOOKING AT NATALIE FOR THE WHOLE TIME, NOT THE SWIMSUIT MODEL, WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT???

ps. me and probably everyone else except Nat lol

EVERYONE SINGS

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I REPEAT, EVERYONE SINGS AND IT’S SO GOOD

LIAM PLAYS THE SAX HOLY SHIT HE’S SO HOT I’M GONNA FAINT

Priyanka with that rose.......... Consider me dead, thank you

“It’s hot as fuck” tcfyvgubh probably true

Overall, I would give this movie 7/10 because of the message. Plot is nicely done and I got see basically every single rom-com tropes. At total, I counted 23 tropes I guess? If I could look every minor detail, I would count more but I won’t get into it that much for now. (i’m running late to a meeting with friends so i have to cut short)

I loved the production design, setting felt like I’m in a classic rom-com movie and characters were written accordingly. Every actor in the movie has fit perfect to me. I especially loved Priyanka and Liam because 1) I’ve never seen any of her movies and 2) It’s been a long time since I watched a Liam Hemsworth movie (i only watched hunger games, so you think about it lmao)

I guess that’s about it! I have a list for the next weeks’ movies but if you have a request then tell me so, I will watch your recommendations first! I appreciate comments; if you have something to add, please do. I will read every single one of them.

See you next week!

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Watching the Otome: Havefall Prologue

 Summary: It was just a normal day. Just another normal day... until everything changed. Until one careless thought changed my life forever.

It was a day like any other. I drove my sister to the diner and went in for a cup of coffee before my own shift started at the bowling alley in an hour.

The dinner was quiet in the early morning hours, the mailman sipping his own coffee while reading a newspaper while Luce slipped around offering coffee to the truckers.

Grace jumped right in with a smile and a giggle as she spoke with the truckers and the few regulars Luce had.

I felt a stab of fondness for Luce for the times she gave looks to those who wanted to sneer at Grace for something out of her control. Not our fault our parents died.

Luce did give us looks from time to time, but she’d loosened up enough to give Grace a job, looking a bit apologetic so I tried not to let my anger get the best of me concerning her but it was hard. So very hard.

How dare they treat us like we killed our parents. How dare they give use side looks and sniff at us. How dare they whisper about us.

Closing my eyes, I let a long low breath out through my nose.

God, I just wished… I wished that they could just see the real us sometimes. I just wished they could see they were all wrong.

Sipping my coffee, I pulled out my phone to find a text from JD, my coworker at the bowling alley.

Bring a cinnamon bun? Luce says I’m not allowed back for a bit. ☹-JD

Oh god, what did you do?-RW

Nothing!-JD

…-RW

Well, nothing to bad-JD

Shaking my head, I consider buying the treat for JD, they did buy me nachos last time, when a sudden breeze blew through the dinner, startling the customers.

“Is the back door closed?” Luce asks Grace who frowns, going back to check.

“Yeah, it is.” She agrees, coming back out to frown again. Luce looks confused, but is about to shove it to the side, the rest of us doing the same as I dig money out of my pocket when a pink, blue and black light flickers and suddenly a… black rectangle appears.

“…What the hell?” I ask out loud as Grace jumps back from where she had been close to it, staring at it.

“What…” Luce begins but the screen suddenly flickers and pictures begin to appear with a voice speaking.

Wait…

“Hello. My name is Robin Wayne and I’m about to tell you a story.”

…That’s my voice!

“It’s a nice story, or at least I think so,” the voice continues as pictures of a happy family begin to appear. “It all started with my parents… or more appropriately their deaths.”

A picture of body bags appears on screen, with police officers walking around.

I wince, looking down at my hands while Grace takes a deep breath, holding onto the counter while everyone else is just staring.

I hated thinking about that day. I hated it.

“I was shaken when it happened, confused and hurt. My grandmother took over for my parents and I loved her so much for it. When I turned old enough, I took some of the money she gave me and just traveled for a year.

And then she died.”

Robin standing at a grave, dressed in black. A young girl is next to her.

“I’d been about to go off to college when it happened, and everyone still expected me to go. After all, what was keeping me from moving on?”

The town cost me my parents and my grandmother, why not just pick up stakes and move? The answer? My little sister- Grace Wayne.”

A picture of the girl, Robin, appeared with a younger girl.

“I couldn’t leave Havenfall with her, and leaving without her would put her into the foster system- something I didn’t want for her. So my answer was to withdraw from the college I’d been accepted at and look for a job. However, no one wanted me.”

A montage of refusals took over the screen.

“…I didn’t know you got accepted.” Grace suddenly says. “I mean… if this is real and not a hallucination…”

“If it is, Luce how strong is this coffee today?” I say myself, avoiding the question.

“I’m right there wondering with you,” Luce says, her eyes wide. “What the hell is going on?”

We all trade looks of confusion, though I notice something.

“…I don’t think the truckers can see it?” I offer, looking at one who looks like he’s in a trance. Luce frowns and goes over to one to wave her hand in his face while the screen plays on.

“I had no idea why everyone just suddenly seemed to hate us. It felt as if they blamed us for their deaths. It felt like everything that could wrong did, and I found the money left to us slowly drifting away.

I did end up finding a job with Razi Nassar- a gentleman I later would call one of my best friends.”

Pictures of Robin and a dark-haired man- Razi- appear on the screen, the two grinning. Some include Grace.

“Razi is the best,” Grace says, grinning. Luce looks a bit ashamed, making a spark of glee erupt in me. Good, she should feel ashamed.

“I’m glad you think that way.” A voice says from the door, and Razi comes in with JD and the sheriff, a very beautiful woman named Mackenzie. She nods at us, a look on her face I can’t place.

“Are you guys seeing this?” I ask them.

“Yeah, it’s fucking weird,” JD says, sitting down. I stop though, at the look in their eyes. They look… cagey. Like they’re hiding a huge secret. “Am I allowed in for today?” they ask Luce, pouting a little.

She gives them a stone-cold look.

“As long as the sheriff is here.” Mackenzie rolls her eyes as she studies the truckers. Dr. Diego Escalona comes in then, a look on his face mostly masked by his sunglasses.

“Some of the people outside seem to be in a trance.” He offers, going over to check them.

“But while this story starts here, it doesn’t continue from here. This is just the beginning piece I managed to find.

The story I’m about to tell you is about love.”

Two silhouettes kiss each other.

“Family.”

Grace and Robin are hugging each other, laughing.

“Friends.”

Robin is sitting with JD, Mackenzie, Diego, and Razi, all are grinning.

I blink at the scene. I can see how JD and Razi fit in, I did work with the two and I did call both friends, but… the sheriff and the doctor?

“Looks like you make friends while I’m at college,” Grace says with a smile and I give her a weak one back.

Ugh, I don’t want to think about it.

“But it’s also about death.”

A hand comes into view, looking very pale.

“Sacrifice.”

A silhouette shoves another out of the way.

“Pain.”

Robin appears on screen crying.

I bite my lip as Diego finishes up his inspection of the truckers, looking confused and concerned while Mackenzie is shuffling. Razi and JD seem on edge, eyes twitching.

They’re hiding something. But what?

 “This story? It’s about how I learned what killed my parents. How I learned that there was more out there that I knew. How I lost and found my sister.

How I found the love of my life.

My name is Robin Wayne, and this is my story…”

“…What killed our parents?” Grace whispers, but my mind is caught by something else.

I… I lost Grace?

[ket-astrophe]

a simple paper bag left on the table, no note, no explanation. no one to claim their gesture. inside one hair clip, two, three!

are they even for me? 

a small present without a splashy gift exchange, it has your signature written all over it. they simply reminded you of me. 

i never even said i needed them, but you, you and your perceptive eyes, hidden behind the crossword puzzle, you noticed. we were just sitting at the same table, having a pleasant family vacation, and I borrowed mom’s clip to subdue the salty, sweaty, curly strands that kept clinging to my neck. she never complained, it was never even mentioned. 

but you noticed. 

you saw the tiniest need, the smallest sign that I had something missing, and decided to rectify it. you were like that throughout the entire time I grew up. 

a man of few words, with the biggest heart. never asking for recognition for your good deeds, never even mentioning them. you simply just gave. 

and it’s not about the hair clips, they are just the latest. it’s the movie montage of gifts, gestures- big and small ... kisses and hugs ... all that were simply there when i needed them the most. 

a strong grip on the hand at the funeral. the cautious look in your eyes as i wept through the ceremony. a bed made in the next room to avoid loneliness.

the job offer when i was unemployed. the early mornings with silent, still tired drive because you broke the 30 year morning routine and woke up 15 minutes early just so you could pick me up. 

the sickly ER visits and yelling at the doctors for messing up. 

a toast at the graduation with teary eyes wishing me the best possible life. 

...

it’s not about the hair clips, it never was. they are just the culmination of almost 30 years of love, never expressed through words, but always abundant, always shown. 

a text on the screen that says “thanks dad, i love them”.

[81scorp]

Constructive criticism: XO: Wolverine

(Originally posted on Deviantart Sep 30, 2016)

Ah yes... X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

The first two X-Men movies may not have been perfect but they weren`t bad and at least they understood that at the heart of this comicbook universe was a theme about xenophobia. The third movie may have been bad but it was bad in a way that I was mostly OK with. Then... there`s this movie. I remember when I saw this in the cinema. The only people in the audience was me, two women and one man. Talk about overcrowded (he said, not without a small hint of sarcasm). I should have seen the warning signs right there. As the movie played on the screen I kept telling myself "It doesn`t have to be superfaithful to his origin in the comics, it`s still good, it`s still good... -ish". Technically, I was right. Then came the final fight in the climax, and that`s where I felt: "Really? You`re really gonna do it like that?" It was like, not only had they not put enough effort into getting it right. They had put extra effort into getting it wrong! Bastardisation of a popular character and crappy CGI claws aside, the movie had the structure of a videogame. Nothing wrong with videogames but (and I`m generalizing here) they don`t always have great stories and rely more on the player enjoying it because of the interactivity. Movies are not interactive. (And yes, I have seen walkthroughs of the videogame based on this movie, the story wasn`t that great in the game either but it was more enjoyable than the movie.) They had some great opportunities to tell a good, character-developing story. But when those opportunities came they just fastforwarded through them get to their own (mostly) generic revenge story. If I could travel back in time and rewrite this mess, what would I change? A lot.

We begin In Media Res (look it up on Wikipedia). Somewhere in... let`s say Kenya. Seven soldiers are preparing themselves for raiding a secret base. Four of them are wearing black clothes, black ski-masks and carry machine guns. (They are not mutants, they are normal humans who are highly skilled mercenaries. One of them have two swords strapped to his back). The three other soldiers are (besides not wearing ski-masks) dressed slightly different than the four other soldiers. They are Logan, Victor "Sabertooth" Creed and a woman named Domino. (In my version Sabertooth is smart, like he was when he was played by Liev Schreiber.) They enter the base, sneak around, fight some guards, find the Macguffin they were looking for (a rock made out of some alien metal) and exit the base. (Sabertooth seems to enjoy the killing more than Logan does. Domino`s superpower seems to be enhanced reflexes and agility.) On the planeride back to their HQ the mercs have taken off their ski-masks, the one with swords on his back seems to be ill. One of the other mercs asks him: "Wade. You OK?" Wade says that it`s probably just something he ate. He`ll get himself checked when they`re back at HQ. Back at HQ Stryker congratulates them for stealing the Macguffin and for another job well done. Wade goes to the doctor. Logan asks Domino if she`s ever had any second thoughts about the things that they do. Domino: (Short pause) "Nah." To get his mind on something else, Logan goes to the gym and starts beating a sandbag. He remembers his childhood.Logan`s childhood: Canada: 1887. Rose O`Hara, a young girl who`s parents have just died, have been sent to live in the mansion of John Howlett Jr. He was a friend of her parents and is a very kind man. She is soon introduced to the other people. John Howlett Sr (who unlike his son is not a kind man). Elisabeth Howlett (John Howlett`s wife, a reclusive shut-in). Thomas Logan (the grumpy, alcoholic, antisocial groundskeeper). "Dog" Logan (Thomas Logan`s son, a troublemaker who gets beaten by his dad). Last but not least: James Howlett (John`s son who`s physically weak and often gets sick). Rose, James and "Dog" become good friends after a while and we get a montage of them having a great time together. At the end of the day, Rose and James goes back to the mansion and Dog goes back to his father`s cabin. We get a small hint that there`s a thing between Elisabeth Howlett and Thomas Logan, the groundskeeper.

A few years later: The kids are now teenagers. Dog has become a jerk and one day he tries to force himself on Rose. Rose knees Dog in the groin and James, who saw the whole thing, runs to his dad to tell him what Dog tried to do. John Howlett has a stern talk with Logan and tells him to raise his son better. Logan doesn`t like being told what to do and a few nights later he and Dog breaks into the mansion with rifles to steal some stuff, kidnap Elisabeth and run away. John hears them, tries to talk sense into them. James comes into the room, wondering what`s happening. Logan`s rifle goes off and shoots John. James is in shock, he punches Dog in the face and attacks Logan. Logan dies, everyone realizes that Dog has claw wounds across his face and James has boneclaws coming out of his knuckles. James runs outside, Rose runs after him and Elisabeth commits suicide with Logan`s rifle. Rose finds James outside, sitting on the gound. He says that he feels different: He doesn`t feel sick or weak in the way that he has felt all his life (His immunesystem has improved.), his sense of smell has improved and the boneclaws in his knuckles have retracted back inside his hands, leaving small holes that are already healing. Rose goes to James`s grandfather to get protection for James and herself, but he wants nothing to do with them, especially not some monster like James. He gives them money and tells them to leave and never come back. Rose and Jack travel through Canada and after about a month they find themselves in The Youkon territories where they seek refuge in a mining town. They pretend to be cousins and try to find work in the quarry. When Smitty the foreman asks their names James is still unable to talk due to his trauma. Rose, wanting to hide their identities, comes up with a name, the first that pops into her head: Logan. A couple of days later: Rose helps Smitty organize his paperwork and James (now Logan) has worked on the quarry a few days. He doesn`t like it, growing up with rich parents he`s not used to hard, manual labour. He is picked on by a bully, the camp cook, named Cookie, who often uses his massive size to intimidate Logan and rough him up. Logan fights his desires to fight back and is often rescued by Smitty. Sometimes Rose finds Logan staring at the nearby forest, as if he wants to belong with the animals. One day Logan pushes a full wheel barrow up a hill but quits when he has come halfway. He`s tired, cold, hates manual labour and doesn`t want to do this anymore. But then he gets determined, decides that he`s not gonna be a quitter, grabs the heavy wheelbarrow again and continues to push it to the top of the hill. We skip forward in time, Logan has reached the top tof the hill and is no longer a teenager, but a man (figuratively AND literally).

We learn that Logan has gotten tougher, better, and has earned the respect of his fellow workers, especially Smitty (but not Cookie). They`ve even given him a nickname: Wolverine. Logan still has moments when he looks at the nearby forest. One day one of the workers dies of pneumonia. There`s a funeral and later that evening Logan discovers Cookie in the cabin of the recently dead worker, stealing stuff. Logan beats up Cookie and runs to Smitty`s cabin to tell him about Cookies behavior. Through the window he sees Smitty and Rose kissing. It causes him to run away into the woods where he finds himself surrounded by a pack of wolfs. The lead wolf stares at Logan and growls. Logan unleashes his claws and stares back. After a minute the lead wolf accepts Logan as part of the pack. Meanwhile, back at the Howlett mansion: Logan's grandfather is weak and lies in his bed. He regrets chasing James and Rose away and is talking to someone about finding James. The other man turns out to be Dog, now an adult, but still with  clawmark-scars across his face. He swears to Mr. Howlett that he will hunt him to the ends of the earth. (NOTE: In my version Dog and Sabertooth is NOT the same person. Wolvie and Sabertooth doesn`t have to be related. They COULD be second cousins or something, but that`s as far as I`m willing to go.) Some time later: The mining town in Youkon: Logan has become distant from Rose as he is hurt by her engagement to Smitty. He tells her he always thought they would end up together. Smitty, meanwhile, is trying to sell off some possessions in order to raise money so that he and Rose can make their way to Vancouver, where he is to take another job, better suited for a family man. Unsuccessful in his attempt, Smitty decides to enter into a cage fight tournament to earn the money. Logan also enters the tournament when he finds out that Cookie`s in it. After getting the pleasure of beating up Cookie publically, Logan meets Smitty in the final match but takes a dive so that Smitty can win the prize money, travel to Vancouver with Rose and live happily with her. Smitty and Rose will leave in a couple of days and he tells Logan that since he knows that he can trust him he makes him the new foreman of the quarry. Smitty then leaves Logan alone to help Rose pack for their journey. Logan is attacked by Dog who has no intention to bring him back to the Howlett mansion but to kill him. Dog has the upper hand at first but then Logan starts to win the fight. The next moment everything happens so fast, Logan gets ready to unleash his claws to kill Dog, Rose tries to interfere and stop him and... Logan regains his senses. He realizes that he has stabbed Rose, his best friend, in the shoulder, and by doing so he has revealed to everyone that he is a mutant, a dangerous mutant. He flees into the woods. Smitty comes running to check on Rose and her injured shoulder, then they both watch Logan disappear. Back to the present: Logan is still in the gym. Victor Creed comes and talks to him, reminds him about what a badass and a killing-machine he was back in Vietnam and how he has lost a little bit of that edge now. He wonders what happened that made Logan go soft. Logan: "People change Creed, it happens." He walks out of the gym. We see that they were watched the whole time by a hidden camera. In a surveillance-room Stryker watches Logan leave the gym. He also points out that Logan used to be a more effective killer in the past. He`s afraid that Logan will one day grow a conscience and turn against him, good thing that he`s prepared. He turns and looks at another monitor, one that shows an X-ray of Logans skull, some parts of his brain has been highlighted. Turns out that they have been mapping Logan`s brain. Logan goes to his room, lies down on his bed and keeps remembering his past. Back to the past: We get a montage of Logan living like an animal in the woods, he still wears pants but they are very torn. A few times during this montage he steps out of the woods and looks at the human civilisation, wondering if it´s worth it to return to that world but rejects the idea. Finally at the end of the montage he decides to go back to civilsation. He steals some clothes that are hanging out to dry. A voice-over says: "Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a date which will live in infamy," followed by a montage of Logan fighting in World War 2. This is followed by a scene of Logan drinking in a bar in New york while eveyone else is celebrating that the war is over and Hitler is dead. Logan is not as enthousiastic as everyone else, probably because he has lived long, seen many things and knows this will not be the last war he fights in. Years later: Logan is fighting in Vietnam. He`s killing Viet Cong soldiers brutally and without remorse. He meets Victor Creed (who is nicknamed "Sabertooth") for the first time. They realize that they both have healing factors and become partners. In one scene Creed shows that he has great senses and aiming skills by throwing a knife at a tree. A dead Viet Cong soldier falls out of it, he thought he was safe, but no one is safe from Sabertooth. What made Logan go "soft"? He saw Creed kill too many innocent families. He saw a reflection of himself in Creed, what he could become if he continued down this path.

After the war is over Logan disappears for a few years. Stryker finds him one day in a bar in Osaka. He tells Logan that he has heard things about him and that he could have use for a man with his "rare talents". Logan is reluctant at first but agrees to join Strykers organisation: Weapon X. It only has three mutants so far: Logan, a woman named Domino and also (unforunately) Victor Creed. Domino`s power seems to be enhanced reflexes and agility but it`s actually the ability to subconscoiusly manipulate the probability in a situation to end up in her favor, or: luck. She explains that her power is largely participatory: in order for the luck to take effect, she must engage in an action whose chance she can affect. She can`t consciously control her ability, she can only activate it by being in a position in which she could be harmed. For example: If she where to stand still before a hail of bullets she would be a bullet-ridden corpse. If she tried to avoid the gunfire her power would kick in and allow her to miraculously move fast enough and duck just in time to avoid the bullets. "Learned that the hard way." she says and shows Logan some old bullet-wound scars. They go on their first mission accompanied by a team of four Ski-mask wearing mercs (the scene is short and the mission goes smoothly). Montage of them going on a few more missions. Finally they`re sent to the same mission we saw them do in the beginning where they had to steal an alien rock-Macguffin made out of metal. This time we see an abridged version of their robbery (because we don`t have to see the whole thing over again). Logan lies on his bed in his room, the flashbacks have caught up with the present. He closes his eyes and sleeps.

One day or a week later later: Stryker and a scientist are watching videos of Logan and Creed in action. The scientist asks: "So... Creed or Logan?" Stryker decides that the honor should go to Logan: He is more mentally stable than Creed and since he`s gonna be re-educated soon he will be easier to control. Stryker meets Logan later and tells him about a procedure that will make him stronger and indestructible. Logan thinks about it for a minute and accepts. They walk past a door that leads to the doctor`s office. The doctor gives Wade the bad news: he has cancer. Logan is led into a room where he is put into an aquarium and has a helmet put on his head. He is completely naked (with the exception of his dog tags, one says "Logan" the other "Wolverine"). Machines put the adamantium into his body and it is extremely painful for him. The pain makes him pass out and he goes to a better place: a happy childhood memory, back when he, Rose and Dog were children and best friends, before all the bad stuff happened. In the the real world Stryker gives the order: "Erase his memory." Zap! The happy memory is gone! And many other memories follow it`s path! Nothing left... but darkness... and an animal rage! A worker is removing the memory-erasing helmet (because continuity). Logan wakes up and unleashes his claws, he has only one thought: Escape! He acts purely on instinct and kills or wounds anyone who puts any effort in trying to stop him. After having killed a few people he is alone in a hall and has a few seconds to pause and collect his thoughts, this is when he notices that the claws on his knuckles are metal. Who did this to him? Why did they do it? How did he end up in this place? So many questions, no time to answer any of them. He must run! Run towards freedom! He opens a large metal door and is now outside. Stryker has given Creed and Domino the order to capture Logan, only kill him if absolutely necessary. (They can always use the adamantium on some other mutant with a healing factor. They only picked Logan over Creed because Logan seemed like the better choice.) The Weapon X facility is surrounded by woods (It IS near Alkali lake after all.) Logan has come a long way from the base and is now taking a pause so that he has the energy to run some more. Little does he know that Domino and Creed have already caught up to him. Domino is hiding on a cliff, aiming her rifle and Creed is hiding among the trees. (Logan can`t smell them because of the wind direction.) Logan`s words echoes in Domino`s memory: "Do you ever have any second thoughts about the things we do?" Domino whispers to herself: "Yes." We see that she`s actually aiming her rifle at Creed. Creed notices this and quickly throws a knife at her, she fires. BLAM!

Logan reacts to the gunshot and realizes that he`s still not safe. Gotta keep running. Domino hit Creed right in the forehead, Creed hit her... right in the shoulder. She gets up and, with a grimace of pain, pulls out the knife. Domino: "I hope that`s the last time I have to save your ass Logan." She holds her hand to her wound and walks away in pain. After a minute the hole in Creed`s head heals and he gets back up. His personality and intelligence has now changed, thanks to the bullet in his brain (Continuity!), he walks away, not remembering Logan and other parts of his life. Logan comes out of the woods, sees a town, steals some clothes that are hanging out to dry. One of the clothes is a cool looking jacket. He looks at his dog tags and sees that his name must be Logan. A new chapter of his life begins as he wanders towards the horizon.

Epilogue, before the credits roll: Wade Wilson sits in a bar. He`s had chemo but appearently it didn`t work. A man (who`s face we don`t see) walks up to him and reveals that he knows things about him and offers him a cure and a chance to be a superhuman. Wade is listening. Post credit scene: Creed is sitting in a bar, drinking. All the other guests are staying as far away from him as possible. A woman comes in, goes over to Creed and talks to him. She tells him that she works for a man that could have use for someone with Creed`s "special talents". Her eyes turn yellow for a second. (Gasp! It`s Mystique!)

THE END

And that`s how I would have done it.

[lindseyluvsdrag]

It Takes Two Ch.1

Third installment of my Knocked Up series. Parts 1 & 2 here

Warning: Smut, violence, the tears of an advanced 2.5 year old

Ignore any typos :)

“Matthewwww!” Violet shouted from the couch. “Hurry up, it's starting!”

“I'm comin’!” the man replied as he snatched the bag of popcorn from the microwave. It was a little premature but he dumped the contents into a bowl before rushing back into the living room. He jumped over the back of the couch and landed onto his favorite spot next to his wife.

Their two year old daughter had spread her favorite Storm blanket onto the hardwood floor and was sprawled out next to her best friend, Shea. Her Aunt Raven watched the woman through judgemental eyes.

“Why is she even here?” she asked her wife.

“Because the Lents like her. Hell, she used to be one of them.”

Raven cringed. “That's so disgusting, like, shel shouldn't be here. Just because she speaks comic book, doesn't give her the right to call our Goddaughter her ‘best friend’. Do you know how weird that is?”

Naomi exhaled in expression. “She's a really nice lady and Violet wanted her here for the viewing so just get over it.”

“Ssshhhhh!” Violet demanded as she turned up the volume on the TV.

“This week on Bridezillas!” the narrator announced. “Meet Violet.”

Footage of the woman flashed across the screen. “I'm Violet Chachki and I'm a one of a kind collectable. I'm veryyyy visually appealing.”

“A New York fashionista by day and a tyrant by night.”

Violet gasped. “Tyrant?! I was not a tyrant!”

“Matthew! Matthewwww! You’re so full of shit, Matthew! *Bleep* you, Matthew!” They showed  clips of the woman shouting that had be edited together to create a montage of her greatness. “I want chocolate cake! Bloated?! No! Get the fuck away from me! Naomi! Na-o-mi! Naomiiiiiii!”

Matt burst into laughter.

“She'll take you on a rollercoaster ride and leave you with a surprise ending that you'll have to see to believe.”

“We got a runaway bride, y'all!”

They'd edited Raven's voice over the footage of Violet and Naomi sprinting down the busy New York street.

“Coming up on Bridezillassss!”

“This is going to be so good,” Matt said as he stuffed his mouth with popcorn.

“I want some too!” Clark declared.

“Open,” Matt replied.

His daughter obliged. She opened her mouth and allowed her father to toss popcorn kernels into in.

“Yum-my,” she said when he managed to land the first few pieces perfectly.

Violet frowned. “Matthew, I don't want her to choke.”

Matt passed the entire bowl over to his daughter before wrapping his arm around his wife's shoulder and pulling her close so that he could kiss her temple.

Raven rolled her eyes and stormed into the kitchen. The woman popped open the first bottle of wine that she could find, pressed it to her lips and turned it upside down. A voice behind her shortly thereafter made her jump.

“I would ask you to share, but I'm trying to get pregnant and drinking is against doctor's orders,” Shea joked.

Raven scowled. “As if I'd share anything with you.”

The woman defensively raised her hands while she grabbed the popcorn that Clark had asked her to make. She placed the packet into the microwave and pressed the corresponding button.

“Why are you here?” the woman pressed. “Dealing with Matthew is bad enough, but to bring his baggage into my best friend's house is just too much for me.”

“I'm here because Violet invited me. We've actually gotten really close since the wedding, especially since she gifted me with her Paris tickets.”

“You've known her for like five minutes.”

“I mean, that's all it takes to get to know someone. That and a little shopping at Neiman's.”

“Yo-You’ve gone shopping together?”

“Oh, plenty of times,” Shea said truthfully. “We even looked at potential furniture for the nursery.”

“Maybe she just feels bad that you can't have a baby,” Raven hissed.

Out of respect for the Lent’s home, the woman remained calm. “Is that so? Maybe she feels bad that neither can your wife.” Shea didn't even wait for the microwave to beep before she popped the hatch, grabbed the bag and casually exited the room.

Raven saw nothing but red as she flung the wine bottle at the other woman. It landed against her head in a loud thump.

Everything after that was a blur. The woman's tunnelled vision was paired with echoing yells and Clark's cries. When Raven finally snapped out of the trance, she realized that she'd made it home. Naomi was seated in the corner across the room, knocking the ashes off of the cigarette that she puffed on.

“Have you come to your fucking senses yet?”

“What happened?” Raven asked.

“You nearly killed Shea!”

“No, babe, she said some really fucked up shit!”

“Like what? Tell me what is horrible enough to get a bottle thrown at your head! And don't lie because I know your ass started it.”

“As a matter of fact, I was defending your ass! She was saying how she shops with Vi and how they're the best of friends and I was brutally honest with her. I told her that Vi probably just feels bad that she can't have kids and she was all like well neither can your wife. How was I supposed to respond to that?!”

“Seriously, Raven? If you're going to be with me, you have to develop a tougher skin than that. I heard crap like that, and way worse, growing up. You can't attack everyone who talks shit. You can't attack the world.”

“If the world tries to hurt you, I will.”

Naomi sighed as she extinguished the cancer stick. “I appreciate the gesture, but that's not how the world works.” The woman pushed herself out of her seat. “Get your coat.”

Raven frowned. “Where are we going?”

“To get some flowers, then to the hospital.”

---

“I walk out of the kitchen and the next thing I know is that I'm seeing stars,” Shea joked. “Like goddamn, is this what I get for undercooking the popcorn?”

Matt and Violet laughed.

“Only you could make a situation like this funny,” the man said.

Clark climbed from the foot of the bed to Shea's side. “Are you sureee you're okay?”

“Besides being a little dizzy, yes, I'm fine.”

“But what about this?” the girl asked as she gently touched the gauze bandage around the woman's head.

“It only hurts a little but I'll be fine, Clark. How are you feeling?”

“Still scared,” she sniffled. “I never saw a lot of blood on the floor before.”

Matt frowned and pulled his daughter into an embrace. “It's okay, boo,” he cooed as he rocked her.

There was a knock on the door before the doctor entered the room.

“So, I have some blood work results. I'm not sure if you want it shared privately or…”

“No, it's fine. What's up?”

“Okay, so, your blood work shows that you have very low iron levels. You're pretty much anemic.”

Shea frowned. “Um, okay, so what does that mean?”

“It means that you've been trying to conceive a baby, but research has shown that women who don’t get enough iron can develop anovulation. That is the lack of ovulating during the menstrual cycle. Low iron levels may also affect the health of the egg to be fertilized. It can diminish your ability to get pregnant by as much as sixty percent.”

“Sixty?! Holy sparkles,” she said, her new cuss word replacement whilst around Clark. “So what do I have to do to fix it?”

“I'm prescribing you some iron pills and recommending food rich in iron and other minerals to help you and the baby out.”

Her eyes grew wide. “B-Baby?”

“Oh, yes. Your blood work also shows that you're currently pregnant.”

“Oh my God!”

“Are we seriously going to be those friends that are knocked up at the same time?!” Violet laughed before hugging the woman. “Congratulations!”

It was a bittersweet moment for Matt. He squeezed his ex's hand. “Congrats.”

The gears in Clark's head were obviously turning. “So there's a baby in Miss Shea's stomach too?”

“Allegedly,” Shea replied.

The girl wrinkled her nose. “How does the baby get in the stomach?”

“Anddddd that's my cue,” Matt said as he turned on his heel and exited the room with the girl in his arms. “Want a soft pretzel?”

“Yes!”

The women burst into laughter.

“The universe works in the craziest ways because we literally just looked at furniture for nurseries,” Violet said. “Now you get to pick out your own.”

“I wouldn't be so quick about this. I've been pregnant before and it usually ends horribly.”

“This one won't,” Violet assured. “We'll keep you on those pills and make sure you eat nickels or some shit.”

“Aww, I love nickels!”

The women cackled just as Naomi hesitantly  entered the room. She cleared her throat before she spoke. “I can't express how sorry I am that this happened to you. Because I'm married to Raven, I automatically bare some of the responsibilities for her mistakes. And from the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry,” she sniffled.

“You're married to a goddamn neanderthal, sweetheart,” Shea replied. “And I swear that whenever I see her again, I'm going to kill her. I hope that you have life insurance on her, I hope that you have a burial plot for her and I hope that you have a little black dress ready to wear because I'm literally going to stomp her into the ground- as a matter of fact, you won't even need a funeral home to do the job for you. I’m going to bury that bitch,” she fumed.

“No, no,” Violet intervened. “You won't be doing anything like that.”

“Violet, I understand that she's one of your best friends but she threw a full fucking bottle of wine at my head! I have twenty stitches because of her!”

“I know and it's not even about her being my friend, Shea. You're pregnant.”

Naomi nauseously clutched her abdomen. “You're pregnant?” she wheezed out.

“She is,” Violet responded.

“Oh, God,” Naomi panted.

Her friend pushed herself out of her seat. “Are you okay?”

“No! How am I supposed to feel knowing that Raven has attacked this poor pregnant woman 'in my honor’?!”

“To be fair, I didn't know that I was pregnant until a few minutes ago.”

“It’s not fair,” Naomi sniffled. “She shouldn't be attacking people to begin with and I just feel terrible.”

“Where is she?” Violet asked.

“I told her to wait in the lobby. I wasn't sure if you wanted to see her.”

“Not really,” Shea admitted.

“Me either,” Violet said. “For one, she disrespected my home. Two, she traumatized my fucking daughter, which is damn near unforgivable. Three, she ruined my Bridezilla viewing party and my hardwood floors. Four, she left like an idiot without a goddamn apology.”

“Would you guys be willing to accept an apology from her now?”

Shea casually checked her nails while Violet mindlessly twirled a strand of her hair. “No,” they said collectively before laughing.

Naomi was heartbroken. “That's fair. Um, I guess I'll get going. I hope you feel better soon, Shea. Vi... I'll call you later.”

“Alright, sweetie.” Violet kissed her friend on the cheek before turning back to Shea. “We have to figure out how far along you are! Come to my gyno’s office.”

“I'm down.”

“Do you think our morning sickness will be synced up?”

Shea laughed. “Let’s hope not. But seeing you throw up would totally make me throw up, though.”

“Well, we can't both vomit at the same time. Who will hold back our hair?”

The question was trivial but it hit Naomi in a way that reminded her that she'd never experience  pregnancy or be able to have sweet moments like this with her best friend. With tears in her eyes, she slipped out of the room and made her way towards the lobby where Raven greeted her.

“What happened?”

“Shea is pregnant.”

The woman gulped. “I didn't... I didn't hurt the baby, did I?”

“No. I mean, as far as I know. But God, Raven. Why do you have to be so fucking psychotic?!” Naomi stormed pass her wife and out of the hospital doors but Raven was quick on her heels.

“I'm not psychotic!”

“You burn things and you attack people, what else would you call that?!”

“Protective!”

“Oh, yeah,” she scoffed. “Protect me from my best friend who now hates you and wants hardly anything to do with me because of it.”

Raven paused. “Vi hates me?”

“She's livid for the following reasons: you disrespected her home. You traumatized CC, which will never forgive you for. You ruined her Bridezilla viewing party and her hardwood floors. You left without apologizing.”

“I’m sorry, I blacked out! I could apologize now and-”

“It's too late to apologize, Raven! You can't react in situations now and think later! That's how people in up incarcerated for murder!”

The woman pondered for a second. “Surprisingly, I've never been to jail.”

Naomi threw her arms up in exasperation and proceeded to storm to the car. Raven sighed and followed suit, climbing into the driver's seat before speeding out of the parking lot. The wives rode home in silence. When they made it inside the condo, Naomi made it a point to slam every door, window and cabinet that she came in contact with.

The tantrum quickly waned on Raven's nerves.

“Alright, can you tell me exactly how long you plan on being mad? The slamming is giving me a headache.”

“You know who else has a headache?! Shea does!”

“Fuck Shea! I don't give a fuck about Shea!”

“So you have no remorse for what you did to her?”

“I have no remorse for defending my wife, no.”

Naomi burst into tears. “I can't be the reason that you hurt by people!” She stormed into the bedroom and tossed herself onto the king sized mattress.

“Babeee,” Raven groaned as she followed her. She climbed onto the bed next to her wife and stroked the woman's hair. “Please don't cry. Please.”

“Leave me alone,” Naomi sobbed.

“Never,” Raven promised as she kissed her wife's shoulder then neck, then jaw. She returned to her neck and began to suck on it.

“Stopppp,” her wife weakly protested.

The woman continued and eventually got Naomi to roll over so that she could kiss her tears away. “Baby, please don't be mad at me.”

She didn't respond but Raven refused to give up, kissing along her wife’s neck and chest before traveling down her body. When she slid down her skirt and thong, Naomi finally relented to the woman's touch.

Raven wasted no time in doing everything she could to orally please her lover, practically worshipping her clit with her mouth while her fingers explored her sugar walls.

Naomi had given in, but she didn't want the woman to think that what she had done was acceptable. She formed her mouth to say something but when Raven flipped her onto her stomach as she pulled the dildo from the nightstand drawer, she decided that it'd be best to wait.

“You have the most perfect ass,” Raven whispered, kissing her wife's right cheek prior to giving it a firm slap. Naomi whimpered in pleasure so Raven did it again, then again. When she felt like the flushed skin had had enough, the woman gave her lover's smooth ass tender kisses to make up for it. “So which hole will I be pounding tonight?”

“It doesn't matter, just fuck me,” Naomi pleaded.

“Then your perfect ass it is.” Raven quickly strapped on the eight inch dildo they'd named Big Ben prior to retrieving the tingle inducing lube from the nightstand. She smeared the gel all over her wife's apple shaped bottom and the realistic strap-on before spreading her wife's cheeks and sliding in the tip.

Naomi gasped as she clutched the sheets while Raven continued to inch the silicone member into her. When the full length was nestled inside of the woman's ass, Raven gave her wife a moment to adjust before sliding out and gently entering again.

“Fuck,” Naomi moaned.

“You like that, baby?” she asked as she picked up her thrusting pace.

“Yes! Oh God, yes.”

Raven pulled the woman closer by her hips and continued to pound into her wife until she was panting and begging her not to stop as she climaxed.

“You're so fucking beautiful. I love making you cum all over this cock.”

Naomi wasn't in the mood for dirty talk as she collected herself enough to dismount the penis.

“Wanna ride it now?” Raven asked.

“No,” she sighed as she grabbed her skirt and tossed it into the hamper. The woman made her way to the bathroom door way before pausing and turning around. “Do you seriously not have any remorse for what you did to Shea?”

Raven unclipped the strap-on. “Nope,” she chirped.

“And if it costs me my friendship with Violet, would you feel remorse then?”

“What I did has nothing to do with her.”

“Yes it does! You attacked someone in her house! You disrespected my best friend!”

“She didn't want my apology so fuck her!”

“Don’t talk about her like that!”

“You seriously want to argue with me about Violet? Violet isn't your wife! Violet doesn't fuck you the way that I fuck you! Violet doesn't love you the way that I love you!”

“I'd rather be celibate and have her in my life than be married to someone who doesn't care enough to respect my friend of 25 years.”

“Are you seriously choosing Violet over me?”

Naomi took a deep breath. “Yeah...I guess I am.”

Raven laughed in disbelief. “Do you realize that I'm the woman that saved your fucking life? I pushed you out of the way of a car driven by a transphobic lunatic that was trying to kill you! I lost my memory, hell, I almost lost my fucking life for you!”

“Sometimes I regret that your memory did come back,” was all Naomi could say.

The expression on Raven's face made the woman's stomach twist into knots. “What do you mean?”

“I never wanted to marry a female,” she blurted. “But gender is boundless and you made me realize that was love too, but fuck, Raven. Maybe if you hadn't gotten your memory back…maybe if we hadn't have gotten married, you wouldn't be this way. You're... insane.”

The word seemed to trigger the woman but instead of exploding, an eerily calm demeanor took its place. “Insane?”

“Yes! At first I thought your temper was a little sexy, but now you've gone too far- and with no remorse! I can't take it anymore.”

“So... you're leaving me?”

Naomi sighed. “I'm spending the night at a hotel so that I can clear my head but honestly... I don't think this is fixable.”

“Okay,” Raven said nonchalantly.

“Alright,” the woman replied as she turned on her heel and entered the walk-in closet.

After getting dressed, she grabbed her suitcase and began stuffing her designer clothing into it. When she was finished packing, Naomi wheeled her luggage into the bedroom. She didn't see Raven, but her heart stopped when she saw the trail of blood leading out of the room. “Raven!” She dropped her suitcase and dashed into the living room, then all over the rest of the house, but the woman was nowhere to be found. “Raven!”

---

Violet sat up in bed, flipping through the latest issue of Vogue Italia while Matt walked his fingers along her belly as he read through his expectant father's book.

“Tomorrow can't come fast enough,” he sighed. “Shea is going to this appointment with us?”

“Technically, yes. She has her own apartment to see how far along she is and whatnot.”

"And we're what? Twelve weeks along?”

The woman nodded.

“Twelve weeks...twelve weeks,” the man mumbled as he flipped through the pages of his book. He stopped on the corresponding section. “‘At twelve weeks, your baby's face looks unquestionably human’.” Matt cackled. “His eyes have moved from the sides of his head to the front of his head-”

“Why do they always gender the damn fetus in these books?” Violet asked. “Protest.”

Matt laughed and continued to read. “‘And his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long and weighs half an ounce. Your baby is about the size of a lime’.”

“Matthew, stop. That's making me nauseous.”

The man closed the book. “So, do you want a girl or a boy this time?”

“Doesn't matter. So long as they're healthy.”

“You say that like Clark isn't healthy.”

Just then, a message poured into their walkie talkie.

“Daddy, come quick! Magento is under my bed and wants to steal all of my friends!”

“I rest my case,” Violet said.

Matt gave the woman a playful nudge on the arm before making his way towards the exit.

“Ugh, how dare they put this crap in Vogue,” Violet groaned as she grabbed her cell phone. She dialed her best friend.

“Hello?” Naomi sniffled.

“Girl, why is there capri gauchos in this issue of Vogue Italia? It's disgusting and disrespectful…but it's nothing to cry over. What's wrong?”

---

“I’m going to ask you again,” one lieutenant hissed at Naomi. The frazzled woman nervously sat across from him and his partner, trying to suppress more tears as they relentlessly interrogated her. “Do you know where your wife could've gone?”

“No! For the fifth time, no! My wife is missing and you act like I had something to do with it!”

“Well did you?” the other officer asked. “Here, I'll give you a scenario: you two were in the middle of a fight. She said that she was leaving you. In a blind rage, you attack her. 'If I can't have you, no one can!’ You snap out of it and see what you'd done and you hide the body.”

"That explains the luggage and why she left her cell phone and purse,” the first lieutenant added.

“No, that is my luggage! I was packing and when I left the room, she was gone and so was her car!   And when I saw the blood, I called you guys! I'd never hurt my wife!”

“I'm going to hurt you!” Naomi heard Violet shout. “Where is Naomi?! You'd better tell me where she is now or I'll slaughter your entire division in my magazine!”

The lieutenants looked at each other. “Who is that?”

“My best friend. The one that called.”

“Ma'am, put the high heel down! I will taze you!”

“She's pregnant!” Naomi informed as she pushed herself out of her seat, then out of the room. “Don’t taze her!” she pleaded. “Violet, calm down.”

The woman returned the five inch makeshift weapon to her foot. “Are you okay, honey? Did they hurt you?”

“No, I'm fine but the questioning-”

“Questioning for what?! You didn't do anything!” She turned to the nearest detective. “She didn't do anything and you won't be saying another thing to her without her lawyer present!”

“The reason that I didn't lawyer up was because I had nothing to hide,” Naomi admitted. “I just need to know what happened to Raven,” she sniffled.

“Well, did you call her parents?”

Naomi was perplexed. “Parents? She told me that her parents were dead.”

“What? No, they're alive. They live in Rochester.”

---

“I came in here to fight Magento. How did I end up with fingernail polish on?” Matt asked his daughter as she splattered globs of coral nail polish on his fingers.

“Because it's your color,” Clark replied.

“Fair enough,” he sighed.

“Daddy, you're so prettyyyy!”

“Thank you, pudding. You want me to paint yours now?”

“Yes!” Clark rushed into her closet and returned shortly after with an ice blue shade of polish. She handed it to her father.

“Ooo, this is cute.”

“It's my color,” the girl chirped as she flopped to the floor in front of him and placed her small hand in his.

“Really? I've always liked red on you.”

“I like red too! Can we do both?”

“And make purple?”

Clark wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Purple?”

“Yes. When you mix red and blue together, it makes purple.”

“Oh...no. I just want blue today. Like Iceman.”

Matt smiled as he opened the small bottle. He began to carefully paint each of the girl's tiny fingernails.  

When he finished one hand, Clark did a quality check. “You're a good painter, Daddy.”

“Thank you, boo. Can I have a kiss for all my hard work?”

“Finish the other hand first.”

He laughed. “Okay, princess.”

---

By the time Raven arrived at her parent's house, it was two in the morning. She pulled up the winding driveway, rushed up to the front door and began to pound on it. Moments later, her arthritic father opened the door with a baseball bat in hand. “Raven?! Baby, are you okay?! What are you doing here so late?!”

She pushed past the man and entered the house.

“Dad, you're 55 with rheumatoid arthritis. What the fuck were you going to do with a bat?”

Raven stomped along the beautiful homes marble flooring just as her mother descended the stairs. “We thought you were a burglar!”

“You should be so lucky,” she grumbled.

When the woman noticed her daughter's hostile demeanor, disheveled appearance and  bandaged wrist, she knew that the horror had begun all over again. She swiftly rushed over to her. “So honey, how are you? It feels like we haven't heard from you in months.”

“That's because you haven't,” she replied.

“Well, we love you and we'd love to have you around more often t-”

“Yeah, that's what you said before you tried to send me to prison.”

“Honey, that wasn't prison. It was a hospital. You were sick.”

“Bullshit,” Raven groaned. “Did you cook?” she asked as she made her way towards the refrigerator.

Her mother followed her. “Well, if you aren't sick, what happened to your wrist?”

“I cut it while shaving,” she attempted to joke as she opened the refrigerator doors. Her mother rolled her eyes. Raven grabbed a turkey leg and a handful of shredded cheese.

“Raven...is that a wedding ring?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I got married,” she said nonchalantly.

“When?!” her mother demanded.

“Three...four months ago? Yeah, four months ago.” Raven took a bite of the turkey and topped it off with the cheese.

“Honey, why didn't you invite us to your wedding? Tell me about him. Do you love him?”

Raven scowled. “I married a woman.”

“Oh... I forgot that's legal now.”

“This is why I didn't tell you! You're fucking ignorant!”

“Oh, stop it, Raven! You know we're not bigots. I just thought you would've married someone like Nigel.”

“Don't... mention... Nigel,” Raven snarled. “I haven't seen him since the summer before college...since he filed the restraining order.”

Her mother sighed. “I'm just taking it all in. I'd love to meet your wife, darling.”

“She left me.”

The woman wasn't surprised. “Oh... I'm so sorry, baby. Do you think you'll be able to work it out?”

“Not if she keeps picking Violet over me,” Raven hissed.

“Violet Chachki? That girl you went to college with?”

“Yes, mother!” she exploded. “In fact, I met all of my friends in college because everyone from high school hated me! I tried to get away from them and from you! But the one time you pop up on me you blurted all of your information to Violet like an idiot! Nobody cares! You just wanted to be nosy, mother!”

“It was your first year of college and you didn't want to include me in anything!”

“Because I was so excited to get away from you! Do you not understand that growing up here was torture?!”

By this point, her mother was sobbing. “Raven, we provided you with everything you could've ever wanted.”

“Yeah, yeah and you act like that included the psych ward. I didn't want to go to therapy or take meds mother. There's nothing wrong with me. I just love hard and I get emotional.”

“Stalking Nigel and pummeling that the poor girl that he was dating was loving hard?”

Raven angrily swiped the glass vase off of the counter, forcing it to shatter against the tile floor. “I told you not to mention him!”

Out of sheer fear of what the woman was capable of, her mother turned on her heel and quickly retreated up the stairs to her bedroom, locking the door behind her.

“I don't know why you even bother with her,” the woman's husband sighed as he adjusted his pillow. “Borderline personality disorder isn't curable.”

“I don't care if it's incurable. She's my daughter.”

Raven sank to the floor, sobbing as she rocked. “Why can't I think cleary?” She gathered up enough strength to crawl into the living room towards the bookshelf. The woman wiped her eyes, grabbed her high school yearbook and quickly began to flip through it. When she found the senior section, she quickly spotted the brown eyed boy who bore a striking resemblance to her spouse in body type and complexion. Tear drop after tear drop splashed on the glossy pages of the book as the memories of what happened years ago began to haunt the woman all over again.

---

The girl eagerly checked her braces in the compact mirror before slamming it closed when she saw the boy. She quickly stood, smoothed her pigtails and rushed over to him.

“Hi, Nigel!”

“Whoaaa, um, hey...Raj-”

“Raven,” she chirped. “How are you?”

“I'm good.”

“That's good! I mean, I'm glad that you're good because that makes me happy and-”

“Hey, Nigel!” one of the boy's football teammates yelled from across campus. “Let's go, we'll be late for practice!”

“I'm coming!” he shouted back. “Listen, um, Ruby-”

“Raven,” the girl corrected for the second time.

“Raven. I'll see you later.”

“Okay!” she said excitedly. “I'll see you later.”

The boy turned made his way towards his friends.

“See you later,” Raven repeated to herself as she smoothed her hair. “I'll see...you,” she emphasized, “later.” The girl winked. “It's a date.”

After football practice, Raven waited for the boy to exit the locker room and when he did, she skipped over to him and his friends.

“Hi, Nigel!”

The boy gave a casual head nod but continued to walk. She followed.

“So, I was wonderinggggg, since, ya know... homecoming is coming up. If you'd like to go?”

The boy's friends let out low, teasing grumbles.

“I’m pretty sure I'm homecoming king. Of course I'm going.”

“Really?! That's so amazing! I mean, I voted for you three times even though you're only supposed to vote once.”

“Thanks,” he said flatly.

"I can't wait to see you there.”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Why don't you ask her to be your date?” one of his friends pressed while the others suppressed their laughter.

Raven took in an excited breath.

Nigel punched the jokester on the arm. “I’m already going with Tatianna.”

The girl's face fell. “It’s okay,” she assured. “Just seeing you there will be awesome.”

Before Nigel could utter an uncomfortable 'ditto’, Raven's mother honked as she pulled up behind her.

“Oh! Time to go dress shopping. I'll see you guys later!” Raven skipped towards the car before abruptly stopping and turning around. “Nigel, what color vest are you wearing? If you don't mind me asking.”

“I don't know yet,” he lied. “I have to go shopping too and-”

“He's wearing blue!” one of the other boys shouted.

“Oh my God, I love blue! Okay, see you guys later!” Raven rushed the rest of the distance to her mother's car and hopped inside. “Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, sweetheart. Is that the one that asked you to homecoming?”

“Yes,” she said, practically melting as she waved goodbye to the boy.

“Hello, Nigel!” her mother politely greeted with a wave before speeding off.

“God, even her Mom knows my name?” the boy groaned.

“Well, duh, you're her future son-in-law,” his friends teased.

“Fuck all the way off.”

---

Raven felt adorable in her knee length blue, taffeta dress. She added a bejeweled belt and a diamond clip in her barrel curled hair for flare. The girl strutted into the cafeteria and she wasn't surprised to see Nigel and Tatianna on the dance floor but it didn't hurt nonetheless. She got herself a glass of punch before picking a spot against the wall so that she could watch the boy and the girl as they slow danced.

Nigel's drunken hands explored Tatianna’s body while his lips aggressively took her neck.

“Babe...babe, stop,” she protested.

“Come on, girl,” he slurred. “You look good enough to eat.”

“I know this, but that doesn't give you the right to be sloppy.”

The boy scoffed. “Just get over here.” He snatched her closer to him by the waist.

Tatianna shoved him away before slapping the boy across the face. “I demand respect! If you won't give it to me, I'm out of here!” The girl stormed towards the exit, quickly followed by her date who was quickly followed by Raven.

Tatianna hopped into her car.

“Tati, come on!” Nigel pleaded. “You're being dramatic!”

“Fuck you!” the girl said as she sped off.

“Bitch,” he groaned, pulling the flask from his pocket to take another sip of vodka.

“Nigel, are you okay?” Raven asked.

The boy looked at her and nodded.

She sighed in relief. “Good. Nobody deserves to be slapped... especially someone as beautiful as you.”

“Oh, yeah?” He took another sip and returned the flask to his jacket pocket. “You're sorta beautiful too.”

The girl's entire face became a heated furnace.  “Re-Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Y-You want to go inside and dance? They're playing a slow song.”

“Nahhh,” he slurred. “I got a better idea.” Nigel grabbed Raven's hand and she could've fainted then and there.

It was her dreams finally becoming reality as he led her to his car.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Nowhere,” he assured as he opened the back door and ushered her in while he followed and closed the door. Raven smoothed her dress but it was wrinkled once again when the boy leaned in for a kiss. The girl was so excited that she threw her hands up, only to have them hit the roof of the car.

“Sorry, Nigel,” she grumbled.

“It's okay,” the boy told her while he pulled away to dig into his glove compartment.

When Raven saw the condom, her eyes grew wide. She loudly cleared her throat.

“Is there a problem?”

“No! I mean, um, no,” she said more calmly. “I just want to get to know you and um, well I already know a lot about you like your schedule and your favorite thing to eat at lunch and I really don't want to sound weird, you know, I used to work in the cafeteria and I volunteered in the front office so I just happened to notice these things but I really, really, really like you and-”

He cut her off with another kiss. “I like your braces.”

The melted girl thanked him and she was like putty in his hands as he leaned her onto the seat before reaching underneath her skirt. When his hand found her panties Raven became tense.

“There's probably something that I should tell you.”

“What?”

“I'm a virgin.”

He smiled. “Nothing wrong with that.” The boy reached into his pocket, grabbed the flask and handed it to her. “Sip and you'll be fine.”

Raven sat up and gulped the liquid before groaning at her first taste of alcohol. “That's so grossss.”

“Yeah...but it'll help you relaxxx.”

The girl hung onto every word that left the boy's lips. She nodded and drank some more. “Wooo! Hello, relaxation.”

Nigel smiled and proceeded to remove the girl's panties. He tossed them over his shoulder, making Raven laugh while he removed his pants and slid on the condom onto his dick. The entire scenario was just how Raven had imagined it. Besides her first time being on their wedding night, she knew that staring into his brown eyes right before they made love would be just like this.

He positioned himself over the girl and he slowly pushed himself inside of her. She winced at the pain, but she knew that the boy would be gentle and take care of her. Raven was more excited for the intimacy than the sex itself, watching the boy's every expression and attempting to match her exhales with his.

“You look beautiful,” she offered.

“I'm about to come,” was his response.

The girl's eyes grew wide in excitement. “That means I did good?”

“Fuck,” the boy moaned as he climaxed into the condom.

Raven smiled. We're such a perfect couple, she thought.

Nigel pulled out and groaned. “Fuck, you're bleeding.”

“Well, it doesn't hurt anymore,” the girl assured.

“My poor fucking seats. This needs to be cleaned, asap. Umm, I'll take you home.”

“Oh…okay.”

When the boy pulled in front of her house, Raven climbed out and made her way to the driver side window. “I had fun tonight. Although, I really wished we could've danced.”

Nigel chuckled. “Homecoming is overrated.” He grabbed the plastic crown that he'd won as homecoming king and placed it on the girl's head. “Goodnight.”

With a swelling heart, Raven stole a kiss. “Goodnight.”

The boy sped off, leaving the girl to twirl several times before skipping into the house.

“You're home early,” her mother said.

“Yeah, but it doesn't matter because Nigel loves meeee,” she squealed before rushing up the stairs to her laptop so that she could change her Facebook relationship status from ‘Single’ to 'In a Relationship’.

Monday morning Raven couldn't wait to see the boy that she'd dreamt about the entire weekend. Her heart exploded when she saw him, but before she could make her way over, Tatianna approached and kissed him.

The girl had no idea what to think, but she quickly made her way over to make her territory known.

“Hey, Nigel... what's going on?”

“What do you mean what's going on?” he asked.

Raven glanced between the boy and the smug Tatianna. “You're with me! You told me that I was beautiful! You made love to me on homecoming night! Y-You gave me your crown and kissed me goodnight!”

The boy clenched his jaw before exhaling. “I'm sorry.”

“You... You're sorry?” she asked in a broken voice. “You took my virginity.”

Tatianna groaned. “Okay, I'm ready to go. This is getting pathetic.”

“Nobody is talking to you, wench! At least I don't hit him!”

“I demand his respect and nothing less and as you can see, he comes back to me every time! Babe, tell her!”

Nigel sighed. “I'm with Tatianna. I love her. What we did on Saturday night was a drunken mistake.”

Tatianna rolled her neck as she reached into her purse and pulled out the Ziploc bag that carried Raven's panties. She tossed it at her. “And get your nasty underwear that you left in my man's car!”

The crowd that had now gathered let out a collective 'Oooooo’.

It was the last thing that Raven heard before her red tinted vision overwhelmed her. She lunged at Tatianna and began to slam the girl's head against the concrete.

Nigel was quick to pull Raven off of his girlfriend but the sidewalk was already stained with her blood.

“Oh, dear,” Raven exhaled as she dusted herself off. “What happened?”

---

“What happened, Raven?” her therapist asked.

“I don't know! All I remember is Tatianna throwing my underwear at me, after that Nigel was pulling me off of her and into his arms.”

“Are you sure that he was pulling you into his arms?”

“Uh, yeah,” Raven said as if was obvious. “Nigel loves me.”

“He told you that?”

“He didn't have to tell me. The way he looked into my eyes as we made love spoke volumes.”

“Raven... that boy was drunk. That's not love.”

The girl scowled. “You don't know what love is!” she exploded, pushing herself out of her seat then out of therapy completely.

---

After school was over for the day, Nigel made his way down his usual path to his car.

Raven jumped out of the shrubbery to greet him.“Hi, baby!”

“What the fuck!” the startled boy let out. “What the hell are you doing on campus, Raven?! You're expelled!”

She shushed him as she placed a finger to his lips. “Tatianna doesn't have her evil clutches to dig into you anymore. We can finally be together,” the girl panted breathlessly.

Nigel shoved her away. “Tatianna is in the hospital because of you! She's in so much pain and I hate to see her like that. This is your last chance to get the to fuck out of her before I call campus security.”

I love you, get out here before we're discovered, was what the girl heard. “Come with me, Nigel,” she exhaled.

“What?” the clearly confused boy asked.

Raven threw her arms around him. “Run away with me, darling.”

Nigel shoved the girl away yet again. “I'm not your darling! Get away from me!” He sprinted to his car but Raven was hot on his heels.

“With Tatianna out of the way, we can work this out! I love you and I know you love me! We can run away and be together forever!”

The boy climbed into his car and locked the doors. As he fumbled with the key, Raven smashed her face against the driver side window.  

“Until we meet again, my love!”

Nigel threw the car into gear, narrowly missing the girl as he smashed the gas.

Raven exhaled. “What a man.”

“Hey, you!” campus security shouted as he made his way towards her. The girl quickly took off.

---

“Raven, did you go to your old school today?” her mother asked over dinner.

“No,” she lied. “Why?”

“I got a call from the dean. He says the girl on the security camera hiding in the bushes before running after Nigel Carraway looks eerily similar to you.”

“Well it wasn't me,” she said defensively.

Despite knowing that she was lying, her mother just went with it. “Good. There's nothing there for you anymore. Private school is so much better, right?”

“No,” Raven grumbled. “It's all girls and they don't like me.”

“Honey, you'll make friends soon enough. You just have to open up and show them your amazing personality.”

“It’d be better if Nigel was there.”

The woman stabbed her asparagus out of sheer frustration. “Raven, I know that you were... intimate with this boy. And as humans, sometimes that makes us feel very attached to one another. But it's okay to move on if someone isn't interested in you.”

“Mom, I told you. We made love because we love each other and we're going to be together. We're thinking about eloping.”

Her mother nearly choked. “Elope?” She knew that the boy had no interest in the girl, but she was always careful to tiptoe around Raven's delusions. “Honey, you can't elope. You're just 17. You're still a baby.”

“I'm not a baby! Do babies have sex?!”

The woman sighed. “I guess not. Just promise me that you'll focus on your schooling and taking your meds.”

“I don't like those meds,” she protested. “I can't think clearly on them.”

“I spoke to Nigel's mother the other day…”

Raven’s eyes grew wide. “You spoke to Pam?! What'd she say?”

The woman put on a cheeky expression.

“Come on, Mommmm,” the girl pleaded. “Tell me!”

“She wants a daughter-in-law who is calm, cool and collected.”

“That's me!”

“That's what I told her...but you are a little high strung off of your medicine.”

“High strung? That's no good.”

“Not at all. Pam wouldn't like it at all and there's one thing you must do in a marriage. Impress your mother-in-law.”

Raven shrieked. “I'll go take my meds now!” She pushed herself out of her seat and rushed up the stairs. Her mother smiled and took a bite of her asparagus.

Raven entered the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet and popped open the bottle of medication. She frowned.

“I don't like being foggy. If Pam can't accept me as I am...then fuck her.” The girl dumped the pills into the toilet and flushed them.

---

Nigel grinned when he woke to the smell of bacon on a Saturday morning. The boy stretched as he crawled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. “Ma, if you wanted me to do my chores, you didn't have to whip out my weakness. I'll..take out the...tras-” His heart practically stopped when he saw Raven in a sheer negligee pressing the bacon into the frying pan.

“Good morning, sweetheart. I made you breakfast.”

“Mom!” he shouted.

“She's gone,” Raven informed. “She left about 15 minutes ago... we're alone, baby,” she said lustfully.

“Raven...get the fuck out of my house or I'll call the cops!”

The girl laughed. “Babe, you're so funny. Come on. Have a seat so you can eat.”

The boy rushed over, gripped the girl's arm and began to drag her towards the exit. “Get out!”

“Sweetheart, you're hurting meeee.”

“Good! Get the fuck out!” Nigel shoved Raven so  hard that she fell to the floor.

When the girl hit the hardwood, in addition to her bones, something inside of her snapped. “Okay, Nigel... I'll go,” she said calmly as she pushed herself off of the floor. “Just let me get my purse.” Raven sauntered over to the counter and instead of grabbing her bag, she grabbed a sharp blade from the knife block and sliced her wrist.

“Fuck!” Nigel rushed over to the girl, snatched the knife from her hand and tossed it before calling 911.

---

Raven stared at the blandly painted wall as she laid on her side in the hospital bed. Her mother sat across from her. The woman had no idea what to say, but she was grateful that the boy had enough sense to call an ambulance instead of kicking her sick daughter out onto the street as she bled.

“Raven...Honey... I-”

“It's okay, Mom. I don't need a pep talk. Nigel doesn't love me and I'm learning to accept that.”

The woman grabbed her daughter's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Come in,” she said when she heard the knock on the door.

A young man neither of them recognized entered the room. “Are you Raven Petruschin?”

“Yes,” the girl replied.

Her mother was suspicious. “Why? Who are you?”

The man didn't respond as he handed Raven the orange envelope. “You've been served.”

“Are you kidding me?!” her mother shouted. “You don't serve people in the hospital!”

He rushed out of the room while Raven opened the envelope and pulled out the paperwork. She read a few lines. “It's a restraining order...from Nigel,” she said quietly.

“Oh, honey that just means-”

“I know what it means mother. It's okay. I understand.”

---

“I understand,” she said as she watched Nigel's house be consumed by the flames she'd set. “I understand.”

The fire was like a cleansing for the girl and she wanted to make sure that Nigel and his mother returned home from his football game to ashes.

She didn't understand why she had to stay away from Nigel. “If he's so bothered, he should stay away from me,” she grumbled.

He did just that when he moved states to attend college and to this day, he hates the smell of bacon and he kicks shrubbery outside of his house before walking to his car.

---

After having her braces removed, Raven strutted into school with a fresh haircut and an even fresher attitude. She enjoyed her last year of high school as one of most popular girls there and by the time she graduated, she knew that fashion was what she wanted to pursue.

---

“Ugh, that professor is totally buggingggg,” Violet groaned as they exited the college classroom. “A minimum of 200 words?! I can'tttt.”

“I don't think it's too bad,” Raven admitted. “I guess I'll start it now to get it out of the way. “What are you about to do?”

“Oh, I'm gonna to meet my friend Naomi for lunch then we're going to Neimans. Wanna come?”

“Sure.”

The duo made their way to the quad fountain and Raven stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the woman. She was a bronze goddess with perfect hair and full lips that Raven could imagine against hers. The woman was the female counterpart to Nigel and Raven was doing a pretty pathetic job at not staring.

“Naomi this is Raven and vice versa,” Violet said.

“H-Hi,” Raven stammered.

“Hey,” Naomi sweetly greeted. “I give hugs,” she said as she wrapped her arms around the other woman. Raven took in a sharp inhale and became intoxicated on the girl's lemongrass scented perfume. “It's nice to meet you,” Naomi added.

“Y-You too. Um, do you know someone by the name of Nigel Caraway?”

Naomi released her. “No, why?”

“Oh... nothing, it's just that you resemble him in your complexion and...fe-features. Did I say something wrong?” she asked when she saw Naomi's expression go from a smile to pursed lips.

“Aside from comparing me to a dude?”

“Oh, no! I didn't mean any harm, I mean, Nigel is an attractive guy but you're... gorgeous.”

She smiled.

“Oh God, don't make her head any bigger than it already is,” Violet said with a chuckle. “Let’s go. Wait- Raven, do you have a pair of Louboutins? We wear Louboutins to Neimans.”

“You’re going to Neimans?” Naomi asked.

“Not me, dearie. We!”

“I can't. I have an appointment.”

“Oh,” she said before blowing a raspberry. “Raven and I can go. Meet us there?”

“Sure.” The duo shared air kisses before Naomi reluctantly did the same to Raven. “I'll go find Nigel for you,” she joked.

Raven found it difficult to laugh. “Thanks.”

It left a cold air between the women, but when Naomi turned to leave, Raven couldn't help but watch.

“Ready?”

“Yeah but um, I don't have any Louboutins.”

Violet gasped dramatically. “But you're a fashion major! That's sacrilegious!”   

Raven shrugged.

“Girl, you've got to take more pride in your wardrobe. Especially if you want to be seen with me.”

“And Naomi?” Raven blurted before quickly pursing her lips as Violet raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, Naomi too. Why?”

The woman shrugged. “She seems nice.”

“She's perfect,” Violet corrected. “I mean, we wouldn't be friends if weren't.”

“So does that mean that I'm perfect?”

There was a pause. “We're working on it. First off, you need Louboutins!”

---

After making it to the mall, Raven discreetly called her mother while Violet found her second home in the dressing room.

“Mom?”

“Hi, honey! How are you?”

“I need $1,200.”

“Oh, wow is it tuition time again already?”

“No, I need a pair of Louboutins.”

“Raven, I don't have-”

“Mom, please don't start. I just really need this money.”

“Louboutins aren't a necessity, honey.”

“Yeah, not to a dated fashion horror show like you!”

Violet cleared her throat from behind her.

“Oh...um-”

“Give me the phone,” she ordered.

Raven obliged and handed over the device.

“Hello? Mrs.Petruschin? My name is Violet Chachki and you have to understand the importance of looking good in this era. As a fashion major, your daughter is required to have the best of the best and she needs your help getting it.”

“Well, Violet, although I love my daughter, she only calls me when she wants something. Even if I had a spare $1,200 laying around, I wouldn't give it to her for anything besides her education.”

“Well that blows,” Violet said before returning the phone to the other woman. “Ooo, I love that color!” The girl rushed towards the crop tops leaving Raven to groan into her phone.

“Mommmmm. I need thissss.”

“No, Raven. You don't need $1,200 shoes.”

“Then I'll slit my fucking throat because my mother doesn't give a fuck about me or that I'll be the biggest fucking loser on campus without Louboutins!”

The girl tossed her phone to the ground and buried her face into her hands. “Fuck!”

“What is the meltdown for?” Naomi asked as she approached.

Raven quickly composed herself. “I can't afford Louboutins.”

“Well, did you ask your parents?”

“They're dead.” The girl forgot to add 'to me’ at the end of the statement but it was too late as Naomi's face fell.

“Well that's horrible. You'd think that you'd be more upset over your parents than a damn pair of Louboutins- there are bigger struggles in life than not having Louboutins!” Naomi practically shrieked.

Raven was completely taken aback. “Um, okay? Sorry?”

Naomi took a deep breath. “Sorry for blowing up at you. I always get cranky after my appointments.”

“How come?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Have you found anything that you liked?”  

“Besides the $1,200 Louboutins? Nah.”

Naomi made a face. “Well then, keep looking. It's Neimans for fucks sake,” she said before walking off.

Raven couldn't believe how rude the girl was. “Your insides don't match your outsides,” she grumbled to herself before she returned her attention to scanning the racks.

When Violet and Naomi had their arms filled with items compared to the simple earrings that Raven had picked up, the fashion duo frowned.

“We don't wear anything less than two carats,” Violet informed.

“Are you guys a goddamn cult? Why do we all have to match?”

“Because we have a standard to uphold,” she added. “We're the hottest chicks on campus and hundreds of girls want to be our third, so either comply to the rules, or leave us alone.”

“Then I'll leave you alone! You're high maintenance and just plain bitchy,” she said directly to Violet, “and you're rude!” she said as she glowered at Naomi.

Violet laughed. “I could've told you that. Thank you for the submission of your friendship application, but you don't quite meet the requirements for our company.”

Naomi grabbed a random bracelet from the display and placed it into Raven's hand. “Complimentary from the Viomi company. Put it on our tab.”

The duo cackled as they made their way to the checkout.

Raven scowled but when she looked in her hand, she saw the golden crown charm on the bracelet as a clear sign that this was the person she was meant to be with.

“I prayed to the love Gods on this,” the woman mumbled to herself. “The last person that gave you a crown wasn't for you. The next person that gives you a crown is true,” she recited. Raven quickly traded her plain earrings for a pair of two carat stunners before rushing to the checkout.

“I can help you over here,” the checkout girl at register four said.

“No, I'm with them,” Raven said proudly.

“Is that so?” Violet asked. “And what makes you think that we even want you?”

“Because I know fashion. I love fashion probably even more than you because I've lived on both sides of the spectrum: from practically being allergic to brushing my hair to buying these two carat earrings that I can barely afford. I don't just want to fit in, I want to do better for myself because I have a lot of people who don't believe in me. I need to prove them wrong.”

“Is that a good enough answer for you, Naomi?” Violet asked.

“She seems sincere to me,” the woman admitted.

Raven smiled. I knew she'd have my back.

“Fair enough,” Violet said with a shrug. “Hurry up so we can check out. “

The woman skittered towards her new friends to Violet's dismay. “We don't skip. We walk like ladies.”

“Sorry,” Raven said as she suppressed her excitement. She playfully nudged Naomi who winced. “Oh, sorry, did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and changed the subject. “I like your earrings.”

I like your braces, she could still hear Nigel say.

“Th-Thank you.”

The soft smile that Naomi offered in return could've stopped Raven's heart, but the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach were a valid replacement.

She's rough around the edges but we can fix her, Naomi thought.

After checking out, per tradition, the friends went out to eat. Raven eagerly ordered the same dishes as Naomi despite her distaste for avocados. She watched in awe as the woman stuffed a handful of French fries into her mouth. When Naomi caught her staring her cheeks flushed to same color as her ketchup.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Raven replied. “You just seem to...really love French fries.”

“I do,” she guiltily admitted.

“Naomi has a definite boner for French fries,” Violet joked but she groaned when she realized that it'd hurt the woman's feelings.

Naomi made a face.

“Oh, come on, boo. We say that all the time! You know it's not even like that so don't take it personal.”

The woman fanned her face and attempted to hold back the tears as she composed herself. “I know. Sorry, I'm just really sensitive and hormonal right now,” she sniffled.

Violet wrapped her arms around her friend. “I love you, boo bear.”

“I love you too.”

Raven was envious of the embrace. “Um, so what's going on here?”

“None of your business,” Violet snapped but Naomi shushed her.

“It's okay if she knows. She's been shopping with us therefore we know she's trustworthy.”

“Pfft, she hasn't even been sworn in yet.”

“Okay, okay,” Naomi said as she pulled the latest issue of Vogue out of her purse. “Raven, raise your right hand and place your left hand on the Bible.”

Raven chuckled but when she realized that the woman was serious, she quickly obliged.

“Raven, do you solemnly swear that you will always abide by the rules of fashion including never wearing white after Labor Day and never wearing a sports bra. Do you swear to always dress as chicly as possible and to intervene if one of your fellow fashion wives fail to do so?”

“I do,” she promised.

“Okay, now share a secret about yourself.”

Raven pursed her lips as she thought before speaking. “I lost my virginity in the back of a car.”

“O-M-G, me too,” Violet said in excitement over their common ground.

“Yeah, it was pretty amazing.”

“Okay, now I'll share a secret,” Naomi offered. “I'm trans.”

Raven's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “No way.”

The woman nodded. “I had an appointment to adjust my E shots today and the hormone boost usually makes me really hungry and kinda cranky so,” she said with a laugh. “Sorry for being a bitch.”

Raven squinted as she examined Naomi's face. “Nigel?”

Naomi frowned. “What?”

Raven shook her head of the delusion. “Nothing. You really look amazing. Um..so-”

“My boobs were a gift from my parents when I turned 18 and my genitals are none of your business but I do indeed sit when I pee.”

“That's totally not what I was going to ask.”

“It's what everyone wants to ask,” she sighed.

Raven shook her head. “I have more respect than that. I think you're a beautiful woman with a voice like angel’s wings.”

Violet rolled her eyes.

“Awww, thanks! Ya know, I think we're going to get along just fine.”

---

Raven slammed the yearbook closed before cradling it against her chest while she sobbed herself to sleep.

---

Violet groaned as she entered her home and pulled off her heels. The woman slowly made her way up the stairs, stopping to peek into her daughter's bedroom.

Clark was snoring in bed with her mask and cape on so the woman softly closed the door and made her way to her bedroom. She burst into laughter when she saw her nude husband sprawled across the bed covered in nothing but rose petals.

“Why are you laughing?!” he demanded, chuckling a little himself over the woman's snorts.

“What the hell are you doing, Matthew?”

“Keeping the spice alive!”

Violet shook her head as she made her way next to him. She eased herself to the bed and kissed her husband. The man gripped her face between his hands and attempted to make out but she groaned and pulled away.

“Babe, I'm not in the moodddd. You won't believe the day I had. Raven is missing, my feet hurt and cops threatened to taze me.”

“Cops threatened to do what?!”

“Ugh, you're missing the biggest point: my feet hurt!”

The man pushed himself out of the bed and retrieved the massage oil. He poured a generous amount into his hands before slathering it onto Violet's feet. As he rubbed them, Matt noticed the red lines that the straps of her heels had left.

“You have to stop wearing those shoes if they're going to hurt your feet.”

“Pfft, don't blame my heels. It's this baby weight. I've already gained eight pounds and it hasn't even been long enough to know the gender of the little womb crook to even curse it out.”

Matt laughed. “Then wear more comfortable shoes.”

“Comfortable shoes means orthopedic shoes, Matthew. That's never going to happen.”

“Well for what it's worth, your tits look amazing.”

“Thank you, honey bun.”

“You're welcome, my little spice cake.” He smiled and kissed her big toe.

“Freak. So what'd you and Super Clark do while I was gone? I mean, besides your lovely manicure.”

“She painted my nails then I painted hers and then we watched Supergirl and Finding Nemo before she turned into Super Clark. She ran around and played with the dogs a bit before she passed out.”

“Sounds about right,” Violet said, stifling a yawn.

“Mhmm,” Matt mumbled as he kissed the top of her foot. “I've been thinking about you since the moment you left, baby. I know it's only been a few hours but I missed you so much.” The man began a trail of kisses starting at her ankles, up to her waist then breasts then neck, stopping at her cheek when he realized that she was asleep. Fuck, he mouthed. Matt rolled out of bed and grabbed the lotion on his way to the bathroom.

---

Violet was excited to wake up to the smell of French toast. After she showered and primped herself, she descended the stairs and entered the kitchen.

“Good morning, Mommy,” Clark greeted as she gnawed on a piece of bacon.

“Good morning, my love.” She kissed her daughter's head before her husband pulled her into a kiss.

Clark covered her eyes.

“Ready for the appointment today?” he asked.

“Sure,” Violet replied as she eyeballed the food. “But I'm more ready for that French toast.”

Matt laughed. “Sit down, I'll make you a plate.”

“Do we get to see Lord Tater Tots today?” Clark asked.

Violet made a face. “Who is Lord Tater Tots?”

“The baby! That's the baby's name.”

“No, no, nooooo it's not,” Violet assured.

Clark frowned. “But that's what the baby told meee.”

“Clark, the baby doesn't speak to you,” she said sternly.

“Yes it is! And the baby wants to be called Lord Tater Tots!”

“Clark Christine Lent, who on Earth do you think you're yelling at?”

The girl folded her arms. “Nobody.”

“If you're going to be a brat today then you can stay home.”

“Noooooo!”

“Clark, go to your room,” her mother ordered.

“Hey, hey, ladies,” Matt intervened. “Chill out and eat your French toast.”

“I am chill like Iceman,” Clark said. “See my nails?”

Matt laughed. “Yes, sweetheart. I see your nails.”

Violet scowled. “Don't reward her for bad behavior, Matthew. I-” she was silenced when the man placed a piece of French toast in her mouth.

“Sshhhhh, grumpy Mommy,” he said. “It'll be okay.”

Clark giggled and her father winked.

“You two need stop ganging up on me,” Violet demanded. “It's not fair and- mmm, okay,” she hummed in satisfaction over the hash brown Matt placed in her mouth.

“When Lord Tater Tots is born, he can be on your team,” Matt joked.

“Ha-ha,” Violet said flatly as she continued to stuff her mouth.

---

Raven's mother was heartbroken yet relieved to see her daughter sleeping in the fetal position on the living room floor. It was better than her being stuffed into a gutter somewhere.

When the phone began to ring, she rushed to it and answered

“Hello, may I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Petruschin?” the man on the other end asked.

“This is Mrs. Petruschin.”

“I'm detective Velour and I was wondering if you've been in contact with your daughter, Raven recently?”

“Oh God, what has she done?”

“Nothing. Her wife has reported her missing.”

“Oh...yes, she's here. She's okay.”

“Okay, um, there was a trail of blood in the bedroom, do you have any idea where that is from? Does she have any injuries?”

“She self harms,” the woman admitted. “When she gets upset, she hurts herself.”

“Oh..so she is safe?”

“For now, yes.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Petruschin.”

“You're welcome,” the woman sighed as she hung up the phone. She made her way into the living room and gently shook her daughter awake.

“Cocksucker!” Raven blurted. “Huh? Wha-What's going on?”

“The police called. Your wife is looking for you.”

“No she isn't,” the woman grumbled as she turned on her other side. “She wants a divorce.”

“Well, she at least wants to know if you're okay.”

There was a long pause. “I'm not,” Raven quietly sniffled. “I haven't been okay for a really long time.”

---

“Miss Shea!” Clark squealed as they met the woman in the lobby of the OBGYN office.

“Hey, Clark!” she said as she embraced the girl. “How are you?”

“Good! We're here to see your baby and Lord Tater Tots!”

Shea raised an eyebrow. “Lord Tater Tots?”

“Don't ask,” Violet groaned.

“Well, yes we are, Clark. I'm so excitedddd.” She turned to the man seated next to her. “Babe, stand up. I'd like you guys to meet my boyfriend, Danny Noriega.”

The nonchalant man popped his gum. “Sup?”

Violet extended her hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Ditto,” he said flatly as he returned the gesture.

“Are you excited about your babyyy?” Clark asked him.

Danny shrugged. “I guess, yeah.”

Matt scowled. “You want to show a little more respect?” he asked, being sure to assert every ounce of his masculinity.

“What?” the other man replied practically in a slur.

“Danny just got home from his tour. He's just a little tired,” Shea defended.

“Miss Couleé?” the ultrasound technician called.

Shea grabbed her boyfriend's hand. “That's ussss.”

The sizable group followed the woman to the back room.

“So, how is this going to work?” Matt asked. “We see Shea's ultrasound then everyone goes to our ultrasound?”

“Yes,” Violet replied.

“Hop on up here,” the ultrasound technician said as she patted the medical bed. Shea obliged and eagerly lifted her top too expose her washboard abs.

“Bitch,” Violet grumbled.

Shea cackled. “With a baby in there, it won't last long.”

The technician spurted the gel onto Shea's stomach and began to smear it around with the ultrasound wand. She scanned the full circumference of the woman's belly before frowning. “Um... I don't see anything.”

Shea's heart dropped as her eyes instantly began to well up. “Wh-What? What do you mean? I-I-”

“Oh, wait I forgot to turn on the machine! Sorry about that,” she said with a laugh. “The long hours are starting to get to me.”

Matt gripped his wife's hands to stop her from hitting the technician.

“Ahhh, okay. There we are. That little nugget rightttt there is your baby.”

Shea wiped away her tears only to cry some more. “But... that's way more advanced than 4 weeks, right?”

“Yeah, that's around eight weeks.”

“Holy sparkles. I have no idea when or where this baby was conceived then. I don't keep track of my period because it's so irregular as is but- so if I didn't get pregnant in Paris I wonder where.”

“Did you cheat?” Danny asked.

The woman scoffed. “Fuck all the way off.”

“Like you? Nah, I'm good.” He turned and exited the room.

It was Violet's turn to restrain Matt but she failed to get a good grip on the man before he followed Danny out of the hospital.

“Hey, asshole! What's your problem?!”

“Besides being exhausted and not in the mood for this baby shit again? Ohhhh nothing,” he said sarcastically. “We've been through this twice already and by next week, the baby will probably be gone. I can't get emotionally invested into that shit.”

“Be emotionally invested in Shea! I don't care if this is her 80th pregnancy, that woman needs support.”

“I honestly don't think I should be taking ‘how to support Shea advice’ from you.”

Matt clenched his jaw. “Fair enough. Then do it for yourself and especially Shea, dude. She deserves it.”

---

“What do you want to name your baby, Miss Shea?”

“I'm not sure yet. All the good names like Clark are already taken,” she said as she gently poked the girl's nose.

Clark giggled and grabbed the woman's hand as they followed Violet into another room for her appointment. She settled onto the paper covered bed and reluctantly lifted her shirt.

“Introducing a busted can of biscuits.”

“I like biscuits,” Clark squeaked.

“Thanks,” Violet sighed.

When Matt and Danny returned, Matt grabbed his wife's hand while Danny wrapped his arm around the other woman. He kissed her.

“I love you. I have a good feeling about this one,” he said.

“Me too.”

“Okay, okayyyy,” Violet chirped. “All attention needs to be on me now.”

Everyone watched as the technician smoothed the ultrasound goop over the woman's stomach with the wand.

“There's your baby.”

Clark wrinkled her nose in distaste. “That's Lord Tater Tots?”

“Yes,” Matt replied.

“So… I'm the big sister to a... tadpole?”

The man cackled. “No, boo, he has to keep growing so that he can be a cute little guy.”

“Would you please stop gendering the fetus?” Violet asked. “I don't want to relive what happened last time.”

She looked at Clark as the girl dug in her nose.

“Matth-”

“I'm on it.” The man whipped out the sanitizer and told the girl to hold out her hands. As she pulled her finger out of her nose, a booger was already attached to the tip.

“Ooo, Daddy, that's a juicy one!”

Violet instantly went green in the face. “I need a can, I need a can!”

The ultrasound technician quickly offered a chuck bucket while Matt rushed his daughter out of the room.

“Clark,” he said sternly. “What did I tell you about digging in your nose...in front of Mommy?”

“But I always dig in my nose with you! We have boogie contests to see who has the biggest ones!”

“I know, I know and that's all fine, just not in front of Mommy. You know she hates it.”

Clark sighed. “I'm sorryyy.”

“It's okay, boo. Let's go get your hands washed.”

The girl wiped the booger onto the wall and held up her hands. “They look all clean to me.”

“Me too. Let's go see the baby again.”

When they returned to the room, Violet was still attempting to compose herself. “I'm not sure I want to go through with this pregnancy. Kids are disgusting.”

Shea laughed. “So are men but that didn't seem to stop us.”

Naomi breathlessly panted as she rushed into the room. “I made it. How is the ba...by?” she asked, eyes scanning the crowded room and stopping on the new couple that had seemingly taken her position. “Hi,” the woman flatly greeted.

“Naomiiii,” Violet whined. “Save me.”

“I would if I could but it looks like you've got it covered.”

“Auntie!” Clark squealed. “Look at our babyyyyyyy!”

“I can barely see from over here.”

“Oh, Naomi quit being a dork just get in here,” Violet demanded.

The woman stepped further into the room and sighed. “It's like a gas chamber in here.”

Violet rolled her eyes. “Naomi, I don't feel good, okay? If you're going to keep making shady comments then just leave because I don't want to hear it. You should've gotten here on time.”

“Well I'm sorry that I've been on the phone with the police station all morning trying to track down Raven. Thank you for calling to check on me and responding to all of my messages.”

Violet whipped out her phone to check.

“Is that the one?” Naomi heard Danny whisper.

“No, that's the bitches wife,” Shea replied out loud.

Clark covered her ears while Naomi did her best to ignore the woman.

“You didn't send me anything!” Violet shouted before the notifications finally loaded. “You- oh…well, I didn't see that until now and I didn't call you because I was busy.”

“I can tell,” Naomi grumbled.

“But you have no right to come into my appointment with that attitude and kill everyone's vibe.”

“Alright, Violet, if you want me to leave because I'm just ruining this for everyone, I will,” she sniffled as she stormed out.

“Ugh, she's so dramatic.” Violet turned to her husband. “Can we get out of here now? If I don't eat something right now I'll either die or kill someone or both.”

Clark frowned. “But what about Auntie Naomiiii?”

“You can go with her, booger child. Go, go, go.”

“Yayyyy!”

Matt carried his daughter out of the room and quickly caught up with the woman in the parking lot. “Naomi, hey. Clark wants to go with you. If that's okay.”

The woman composed herself as best she could. “Of course, CC. That's always okay.” She extended her arms and pulled the girl into an embrace.

“I'm sorry for Violet,” Matt offered. “I mean, you know how she is better than anyone.”

Naomi nodded. “I do. And I can usually overlook her nonsense but it's been a really rough few days.”

“I understand. So, what's on the agenda for you two?”

“I wanna go to Peter Piper Pizza!” Clark declared.

“Then Peter Piper Pizza it is, pudding.”

“Perfect,” Matt said as he pulled the walkie talkie and list of emergency numbers from his pocket. He handed the device to Clark. “You know the drill. You can't go out of the five mile radius of the walkie talkie and this has my number, Violet's number, her pediatrician, her dentist, her-”

“I got it, Matthew,” Naomi sighed. “I've babysat for you since she was three months.”

“You can never have enough reminders,” he said. “I love you, sweetheartttt.”

“I love you too. Do you want a basket full of kisses?”

“Of course, boo! And I'll give you a basket full of hugs in return.”

Clark jumped from Naomi's arms into her father's before placing several wet kisses all over his cheeks.

“Mmmm, I love your kisses,” Matt declared as he gave his daughter a firm squeeze.

“And I love your hugs!”

Naomi was always touched by the lengthy goodbyes that the duo shared. The man reluctantly returned Clark to her arms.

“I'll see you later, boo.”

“Later, Daddy-O.”

The man laughed and watched as Naomi strapped her into the car seat that he'd chosen specifically for it's safety rating.

“Make sure that you hear the buckle click,” he reminded. “That's how you know it's secure.”

“I know, Matthew.”

“And give the straps a little tug to ensure that it's tight enough around her chest- but not too tight.”

“I knowwww, Matthewwww,” she groaned.

“Okay, okay. Bye, boo!”

“Byeeee!”

Naomi closed the door.

“Is the child lock on?”

“Yes!”

The man defensively raised his hands.

Naomi rushed to the driver's side of her car so that Matt wouldn't have time to give her a physical exam or a breathalyzer to ensure that she was stable enough to be driving like the last time she took Clark out.

“Double check your mirrors!” he shouted.

The woman ignored him as she started the car and took off. Matt swiftly jotted down the license plate and made a mental note of what the woman was wearing. He pressed the button on his walkie talkie.

“Testing. Testing. Daddy to Clark. Daddy to Clark. Can you hear me? Over.”

A response came in a few seconds later. “No, I can't hear you,” she said with a giggle.

He smiled. “Have fun, sweetheart.” Matt returned the device to his pocket before returning inside of the building.

“Matthew!” Violet snarled when she met him in the lobby. “I am hungry!”

“Okay, Mama bear. What do you wanna eat?”

“I don't know but I want food! Now!” Violet stormed out of the building.

Matt was actually excited about the hormonal journey that he was bound to go on with his wife throughout their second pregnancy.  

“Good luck,” a woman seated in one of the lobby chairs offered.

“I don't need it,” he said cheekily before rushing after the woman that was now sobbing by the car. “Baby, why are you crying?”

“Because! You don't care about feeding me! You're too busy worried about- hell, I don't even know what you're worried about but it sure as hell isn't feeding your wife!”

“I'm about to feed you right now, okay?” he calmly responded as if he was negotiating with a terrorist. “Just get in the car and I'll take you wherever you want to go to eat.”

Violet continued to cry as she snatched the car door open and climbed inside. Matt grinned and rushed to the driver's side before starting the car and speeding off.

---

“Go, Auntie Naomi, go!” Clark cheered the woman on. She sat in her lap and made sound effects as she followed the bad guys on the video game in the high speed chase. “Catch those bad guys so we can get more tickets!”

“I'm tryinggg.” Naomi shot out the bank robbers back tire, effectively ending the chase.

“Yayyyyy!” Clark cheered as the machine began to spurt out tickets. She snatched them up.

“What do you want to do next?”

“Pizza! Then prizes!”

“Sounds good.”

Clark skipped over to their table and plunged into her slice of melted cheese deliciousness while Naomi mindlessly nibbled on the crust of her slice.

“I thought I'd find you guys here.”

The sound of her wife's voice made Naomi's blood curdle. Out of sheer fear from the trauma,  Clark couldn't even make eye contact with the woman as she climbed into her aunt's lap and buried her face into the warm curve of her arm for protection.

Naomi took in Raven's disheveled appearance and there was something so off about the woman that she barely recognized her. “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

“If you didn't want to be found, you shouldn't have tagged your location in the picture you posted.”

“Raven, just leave, okay? You're scaring Clark.”

“Leave? Oh, so you want me to leave? I thought you were soooo concerned about me, wifey!”

Clark whimpered into the sleeve of Naomi's blouse.

“Yes! You're seriously pathetic right now if you're going to yell at me in front of Clark at Peter Piper Pizza!”

Raven suddenly felt dozens of children's eyes fixated on her as they tried to figure out what was going on. When she heard Clark's soft sobs, she knew that she'd hit rock bottom.

“I'm so sorry,” the woman sniffled as she rushed out of the building.

Naomi pulled Clark up so that she could cradle the weeping girl. “Sshhhh, CC, it's okay.”

“Does Auntie Raven want to hurt us?” she asked through tears. It broke Naomi's heart.

“No, sweetheart. Auntie Raven doesn't want to hurt us.”

“Okay,” Clark said skeptically.

“Finish your pizza, baby then we'll trade in your tickets for prizes.”

The girl wiped her eyes and returned to her spot in the booth. When she began to pick at her food, Naomi knew that she'd lost her appetite.

“Me too, Clark,” she softly exhaled. “Me too.”

---

The only thing that the wide eyed Matt could compare Violet to was Shaggy or even Scooby-Doo. She slurped, belched and didn't mind that food was flying everywhere as she ate. The woman was like a refugee from a foreign country where food was scarce.

“Did you just get out of prison?” her husband teased.

“Fuck you,” she replied as she spooned the pot roast into her mouth. “Mmm!” the woman screeched with full cheeks as a waitress walked by with food. Violet forced down what was already in her mouth so that she could speak. “Give me that cheesecake.”

“This is for another table. I could add a slice of cheesecake to your ord-”

“No, I want that slice right there.”

“Ma'am, I-”

“Give me the fucking cheesecake!” Violet shrieked.

The girl flinched and quickly obliged before rushing off to contemplate her life's choices and to retrieve another slice of the cheesecake. Matt pushed himself out of his seat and followed her. “I’m really sorry. She's pregnant,” he said as he palmed the waitress a $100 bill.

Moments later when he returned to the table the only thing left of the cheesecake were crumbs on the plate. And even those didn't last long as Violet held up the saucer and tapped the side, allowing the graham cracker bits to fall into her mouth.

Matt burst into laughter. “You are amazing.” The man watched in awe as the woman continued to pile it in. She even went after his food when she asked if he was going to finish his burger and fries. He gave them up without protest.

Violet ate a few bites before burping. “I'm done. I want the rest to go.”

The man obliged and after paying the bill that he wasn't surprised had reached over $100, he helped his wife out of her seat. For the first time, he noticed that her ass seemed to be filling out in a way that he'd never seen before.

Damn, he mouthed. When did baby get back? Since they were in public, he didn't want to disrespect her by giving it a squeeze. But when they made it into the car, he couldn't help but pull her into a kiss with more than sweet intentions behind it.

“Matthewwww,” she groaned as she pulled away. “Not here. Not in a fucking restaurant parking lot. I'm classier than that.”

“You are?” he teased.

It earned him a swat on the arm. “Fineee.” The man threw the car into gear and slammed on the gas until they were home.

The couple was barely pass the threshold when Matt pulled his wife into a kiss while he caressed her newly found curves. Violet's hands loosened the man's belt while he worked on the straps of the confusing designer top. Just as he finally found success in getting his wife naked, Clark's voice rang out over the walkie talkie.

“Daddyyyyy,” she chirped. “I won lots of prizesss!”

“Ignore her,” Violet ordered as she kissed her husband's neck.

“I can't ignore her. Look how excited she sounds.”

“She's always excited.”

“Yes, because I always respond!”

“Daddy! Are you there?! You said you'd always answer the walkie stalkie!”

Violet groaned. “Alright.” The woman cupped his dick through the thin fabric of his boxers. “Meet me in the bedroom when you're finished,” she whispered before sauntering up the stairs.

Matt fought the urge to watch because he didn't want the image of a nude woman embedded in his brain as he answered to his daughter.

“Hey, boo. Of course I'm here. What kind of prizes did you get?”  

“You'll just have to wait and see tomorrowwww.”

“Whoa, whoa, what do you mean tomorrow?”

“I'm spending the night at Auntie Naomi's.”

“Clark, nobody asked me if you could stay,” he said sternly. “And I never even went over the overnight procedures with her.”

“Well, I want to stay so I can protect her.”

“Protect her from what?”

“Evil forcessss.”

Matt exhaled. “And Auntie Naomi said it's okay for you to stay?”

“Yes, Daddy!” Clark shouted in exasperation. “Stop acting brand new! She always says it's okay for me to stay!”

Matt cackled. “Okay, sweetheart. I'll call you before bedtime, alright?”

“I don't have a bedtime! Go away, evil doer! Go awayyyy!”

“I love youuuu.”

Clark didn't respond but he knew that the girl heard him and that was most important. He dashed up the stairs and burst into his bedroom.

“Did somebody order multiple orgasms?!” he asked only to find his wife passed out in her blanket cocoon. “No,” the man gasped. “Nooo.” He rushed over to her and attempted to kiss her awake but the woman groaned and pushed his face away. “Fuck my life,” Matt grumbled as he stormed towards the bathroom, grabbing the nearly empty bottle of lotion on his way in.

>>>

[sherlockprettydamngayholmes]

But this was our show...

(Disclaimer: This is going to be rather long. Sorry for the negativity)

I know I'm late to the party but I need to get this out. 

I hate series four. Not just TFP, not just Mary's redemption arc...I hate the whole thing. The last days I spent delving deep into old tags, fic and started to rewatch the show and I only got sad. So fucking sad. I remember joining fandom back in June, how it helped me crawl out of my shell and talk to people (sorry for not reaching out, I haven't forgot about you lovelies). I remember spending nights reading meta, which brought me from reluctantly shipping Johnlock to a full blown TJLCer. I remember watching the show over and over, at first on my own, later surrounded by amazing people from all over the world at Steph's watchalongs. I remember following the news at the sdcc, and screaming over 'love conquers all' and our first teaser trailer. I remember setlock and all the funny exchanges with Arwel. I remember Sherlocked and watching the GBBO finale just to see two new frames cut into the teaser. I remember being super excited about every new TJLCE video. I remember how I couldn't listen to the radio because EVERYTHING was Johnlock and my heart beat faster. I remember "Tell them your darkest secret"-"I love you". I remember all those countdowns.

And S4 aired...

Watching TST, I can recall at least three points when I screamed, because I was sure "NOW! Now they're going to reveal that Mary is a villain." but it never happened...but at least she was dead. Right? Right?! The ending killed me, Sherlock's session with Ella and the "Anyone" scene. It didn't feel like Sherlock, but we would have two more episodes to explain the mess of TST and I just needed to process this much info.

I already knew beforehand that TLD would be my favorite episode, simply cause I love the story in canon. My first reaction when I saw Mary: "I knew it! She holds John hostage, she threatens him, she's evil, she's- what the hell?!" The episode moved on and finally the writing and cinematography felt like MY show again. I yelled at my screen as John beat Sherlock, I didn't recognize this man, but I was sure there was an explanation. There had to be. But I was blown away by the hug™, and called Moffat out for bringing Irene in. All in all I was pretty much satisfied with the outcome and couldn't wait for the last episode. I was so certain.

And now I have to say, that week, wow it was one of the best times ever. Sherlock Live giving us Shermit, what a gem...Then came the bfi screening on a Thursday and the disappointment. But we're not TJLC for no reason. This couldn't be the actual version, "doctored footage", they must have cut the kiss. We discovered "Clue" and guys, I never had so much fun in my life. No one could have convinced me that this wasn't what they were doing. Only topped by the leaks, after hours of arguing with myself whether I should spoil myself in Russian, I decided: Fuck it, I don't wanna miss out all the fun and memes. Oh what a blessing it was, when I still believed that this was some sort of weird joke by Mofftiss. I never laughed so much watching an episode of Sherlock. God I'm thankful I joined in, at least I had as much fun as possible until TFP aired.

And it aired. I wasn't devastated or angry or anything at first. I just couldn't believe it. Apart from all that queerbaiting and misogyny and very important issues this series carried...I just hated Eurus, we didn't need another Holmes sibling. You think Sherlock is the cleverest man in Britain? Wait til you see Mycroft! But wait who's that? It's Eurus and she apparently has an IQ of 450! No. I almost murdered them when I saw what they did to Victor Trevor. They really had to no-homo out of this by creating this 5 years old dog-boy, who no one ever talked about. Fuck this. And Mary....God Mary. Why? Was that necessary? You are cremated, woman! Human ash doesn't act like this, for fucks sake!   Oh and apparently there was a baby this series. I guess her name was Rosie. She featured.

I know I'm ranting for forever now, but I'm not done just yet. The worst thing for me is, that S4 managed to ruin the whole of S3 for me. Why? 

1. Fucking Eurus and Moriarty creating a "best of trainsounds" gifset, giving me a hard time watching TRF and TEH and actually thinking that was clever writing. 2.  Mary. What the hell was her purpose? I've never been a huge fan of her ("you are the best thing that could have possibly happened.." "I agree." ugh.) but once she was revealed as a villain I was fine with her. I love to hate characters, and oh she was perfectly evil. Amanda played her so well, so cold and ruthless. But no. After all Mary is nothing more than a badly written, fridged, female, side character sacrificing everything for some man pain. And I wonder, why write her into the show in the first place? There are so many possible ways to throw obstacles at John and Sherlock and their frankly strained relationship. So many great cases waiting to be adapted that don't involve her. 3. Mofftiss have strived from canon at all the wrong places. It always revolved around Sherlock and John, their love for each other (no matter how you want to interpret it), their intimacy, their bond. But since S3 that bond started to crack. Their relationship got one sided. "But Sherlock needed to become more human!" I hear them yell; Well here are the news: Sherlock has always been human, yes he was an arsehole, yes he was complicated and faaar from being perfect, but that makes him human. He grew with John at his side. Until he HAD to take the fall to save John's life. He suffered, was alone, tortured and he came back. He even apologized to John who treated him like shit (at least that was kinda reasonable after two years of grief). And Sherlock basically confessed his love at John's wedding, and he relapsed, suffered even more. Just to be shot by John's wife, but he comes back again, still offers to help her out. And he takes another fall by shooting Magnussen, saving John and Mary from her past. He says his last goodbye to John, almost confessing his love (again) and deciding to overdose on the plane. In which world is it fair to let this man suffer even more in S4? He didn't deserve to be pushed away by John in TST, he didn't deserve to be beaten into a bloody pulp (already in an alarming state), and he didn't deserve the psychological terror performed by his sister in TFP. 

At the end of S4 Sherlock isn't finally human. He is broken. And if there wouldn't be this ridiculous montage at the end, I'd say beyond repair.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

How would you go about a Stelena endgame?

In terms of where the show is at currently, the Stelena endgame I would write would be something like this: 

Katherine interrupts Stefan and Caroline’s wedding just before they’re about to say I do, because she’s Katherine and she can’t stand to see Stefan be with anyone but her. 

Some point after the wedding Stefan and Caroline have a conversation, they’re both upset and crying and Caroline says how maybe Katherine ruining the wedding was a sign. There’s just one thing after another and as much as it hurts her to say it she can’t help but think they’re not meant to be and what Stefan said before was right. She didn’t want to see it because she loves him so much and wanted to believe they could make it work, but him being human changes everything. They end on mutual terms, agreeing that although they love each other there’s no future for their relationship. 

Damon makes a sacrifice to save his brother (maybe Kat tries to kill Stefan and dives in the way or something) and proves himself as being a true hero in his final act of complete selflessness. 

We see Stefan and Elena at Damon’s funeral together, they look at each other, tears streaming down their faces and they reach for each other’s hands because they’re the only ones that understand one another’s grief. 

After the funeral Caroline, Elena and Bonnie leave town together on a long holiday, because gal pals have all lost the men they love and just need some time away from Mystic Falls to get their heads together. 

Stefan and Matt are left standing on the pavement, watching the girls drive off. Tears are streaming down Matt’s face and Stefan is just about managing to hold it together. He places his hand on Matt’s shoulder and squeezes it lightly. There’s nothing to be said, so Matt just meets his eyes and then Stefan walks away.

We cut to a new scene of Stefan sitting alone in the Salvatore crypt. Some time has passed, days, maybe weeks or months and he looks exhausted and miserable. Damon appears to him in a similar fashion to the the scene in The Deathly Hallows where Dumbledore says to Harry, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” We don’t quite know if Stefan’s dreaming, if he’s hallucinating, if it’s some form of magic or supernatural force, and that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is Damon is there with him. Damon teases him for looking so awful and says he doesn’t think being human is his most attractive look. Stefan can’t help but sigh and smile, but he’s still wondering how and why he’s there.They exchange their meaningful speeches, Stefan about how much he misses Damon and doesn’t know how to go on without him. Damon, of course, shares some wisdom and explains to Stefan that he needs to go on with his life and it’s not over for him. What happened to him wasn’t Stefan’s fault etc. etc. They cry, tell each other they love each other and Damon climbs into his camaro and drives off into the sunset, with Stefan watching him, sobbing. He whispers, “Bye brother” and then the screen goes to white. 

Time jump of 10-20 years of so and we’ve got a montage of all the characters. We start with Matt. He’s in Mystic Falls, working as Sheriff. His desk is piled with work and he doesn’t particularly look too happy. Then a colleague comes over and tells him there’s someone to see him out in the lobby. He goes out to see who is is and there stands Bonnie Bennett, a beaming smile on her face, radiant and beautiful as ever, wearing a stunning black dress and a bouquet of roses. Matt is in awe of her “I know how hard you’ve been working, so I thought I’d surprise you”, she says and he beams at her, then takes her into his arms and kisses her passionately. 

Cut to scenery of a stunning city, Venice, Rome or Paris, perhaps. The camera falls on Caroline sitting at a table outside a cafe, on a white wicker table, a beautiful white summer dress on and flowers in her hair. She has her phone out and the camera cuts to look at it. It’s a photo message from Bonnie. Matt is cross eyed and pulling a funny face and Bonnie is kissing his cheek, the caption reads, “Romantic evening for two, yes please.” Caroline shakes her head and smiles to herself fondly. Then we hear a familiar voice call out, “Alright, love?” and Caroline looks up from her phone. There stands Klaus, two glasses of bourbon in his hand. Caroline rolls her eyes and says, “Since when do cafe’s serve liquor and at 11am?” Klaus replies, “Come on, love, live a little. Now here’s to another wonderfully exciting day in the most beautiful city in the world, with the most ravishing woman I’ve ever known.” He smiles his Klaus smile at her and she rolls her eyes again, but a smile comes across her lips as she lifts her glass and bumps it against his. 

Next we’re back in Mystic Falls. Stefan has obviously aged, with some grey hairs at the side of his head and he’s wearing a doctor’s uniform. He’s perched in the Salvatore crypt and talking to Damon. Just small talk about his day at work and then he gets up, touches where Damon’s name is carved on the wall and says, “See you soon, brother.” 

Cut to house, two kids playing in the living room, toys scattered around them. The children are fighting over a toy, arguing about whose toy it is when suddenly a familiar voice shouts out and tells them to stop causing trouble. We go to the kitchen and see Elena standing at the stove, humming to herself. A message tone goes off and she turns around and reaches into a pocket in her doctor’s uniform that’s hanging on the back of a stool. She reads the text and smiles to herself. It’s the same picture of Matt and Bonnie that Bonnie sent to Caroline. Elena replies with, “Tell Matty he’s a very lucky man! Have fun and fill me in on the details tomorrow ;)” She turns her attention back to the cooking and then we hear the front door open. The children get up and we hear them call out, “Daddy!” excitedly. A minute or so later Stefan appears in the door way, one of the children still propped up on his hip. He kisses her one more time on the cheek then she climbs down and runs back off to resume playing. Elena turns and beams at him. Stefan goes right over to her and kisses her. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t cook without my supervision again after the last 100 disasters,” Stefan teases peering over her shoulder at the stove. She slaps him playfully and tells him to shut up. “I guess not all of us are lucky enough to be married to Bonnie Bennett,” he adds. Elena looks at him and says, “Matt sent you the picture then? Good on them. They deserve some fun after how hard they’ve been working.” “Hmm,” Stefan agrees, coming up behind Elena and winding his hands around her waist. “They’re not the only ones that have been working hard,” he says kissing her neck. “Stefan, the kids…” Elena says with a smile on her face. She tries to push him off, but it’s obvious she doesn’t want him to stop. She turns around to face him and they kiss for real this time. Not just a peck, but a passionate and sexually charged kiss. Two small silhouettes appear at the doorway then and a little voice calls out, “Ewwwww”. Stefan and Elena break apart to look at their kids and they all burst out laughing. 

So yeah, I probably got a bit carried away with the detail there, but you get the idea haha. 

[potter-on-my-wayward-doctor]

Johnlock shippers who are angry you stop that right now.

Stop it. Stop whining about queerbaiting and subtext and no proper representation. And yes I said whining. And I meant it. What you got was far rarer than a legitimate gay on screen kiss between two well developed characters. What you got was asexual Sherlock, and John who certainly has been interested in sex, settling down and living a life together of well founded mutual respect and love. You know why I think there was no on screen kiss? Because that's not Sherlocks gig. The only time he has initiated intimacy was for a fraud, he gets his high from mental stimulation, and John has seen that. Sherlock has never been written to have any sexual interest in anyone, ever. Interest in people however, cannot be denied, and yes as John said about Irene, it 'would complete him'. No man is an island and that is why the montage at the end of the episode is the most beautiful of all because it is Sherlock complete, with his best friend, his live in partner in crime, raising a child together and having adventures. Asexual and very romantic Sherlock. John loves Sherlock so much he isn't going to go and seek physical interaction from anyone else. He has a child to raise now. He's a bisexual man who's loved some crazy people in his time, and now he has a settled domestic life, as much as you can be with crime walking through the door every day. He isn't going to try and kiss Sherlock to see if he loves him back in that way, because he doesn't think Sherlock loves anyone in that way. But he knows for a fact that Sherlock loves him as close as family, that he would shoot Mycroft instead of him, that he has sworn to protect John and his child and he will live that promise every day of his life. Together they rebuild the blown up apartment, they strengthen the trust we've seen undergo some shaky terrain over the years. Maybe they have dialogue about Irene, and Sherlock airs the idea that the two of them dance around each other, but it is 'only texting'. He knows the value John placed on the texting he participated in, so maybe that text he sent 'You know where to find me SH' was so he could finally talk to Irene, and then never text her again. There is little to worry about John texting Eurus again, and his domestic life doesn't need spicing up anymore. He is becoming the man Mary believed he was. Molly loves Sherlock but she is a friend first and foremost, and a very important godparent. Mrs Hudson sits back and is happy, because it is what it is, and Rosie grows up in a lively but happy family environment, with the junky and the doctor who is still in the war. Who are what they could become and are arguing in that scruffy flat like they always will. Stop abusing people because the canon didn't go how you wanted it or planned it or believed it would go. Because what was written was far more beautiful and perfect and true to the canon and character development.

[homedevises]

19 Quick Tips Regarding Animation Cartooning | animation cartooning

While specific capacity aren’t revealed, it’s said that Sony is because “making activated television shows based on characters alien in ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,’ which has calm $276 actor at the box office.”

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Which Spider-Verse characters would you like to see brought to the baby screen? Sound off below.

For a epitomize of Into the Spider-Verse’s best amazingEaster Eggs, hit the “View List” button!

An abrupt but still actual air-conditioned Easter Egg, the Banana Code Authority (which has been asleep aback it was assuredly alone by DC and Archie Comics in 2011) logo appears adapted at the actual start.

Why? To acquaint us that Into the Spider-Verse has been “approved” by them and seeing as it was an affair of Amazing Spider-Man that aboriginal went adjoin the rules set bottomward by them, it’s acceptable to see that the wall-crawler is aback on the beeline and narrow! Seeing as this is such a banana book-y movie, it seems adapted to accommodate this actuality and is absolutely a nice nod to the history of Marvel Comics.  

As we get to see the agent adventure of the Spider-Man on Miles Morales’ Earth comedy out in a actual fast affective alternation of scenes, there’s a moment which pays admiration to Spider-Man in a actual able way.

Just like in that movie, Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson allotment a kiss in the rain but this time, it’s MJ who is upside down! It’s a accurate way to accomplish it bright that this is a altered cosmos area things don’t necessarily comedy out in the way we apprehend or are acclimated to. 

Spider-Ham is a action actualization so aback he leaves to acknowledgment to his universe, he bids adieu to Miles and aggregation by saying, “That’s all, folks!” 

That’s a advertence to Looney Toons and Peter B. Parker is quick to catechism whether it’s acknowledged for him to say that. It’s a actual funny moment from a actualization who delivers a lot of activity here.  

When we appointment Peter Parker’s lair, we get to see a cardinal of accustomed attractive cartage and accessories that it will be fun to pore over aback the Blu-ray is appear abutting year. However, one which anon jumped out at me is the Spider-Mobile. While we never get to see it in activity here, it’s about abuse time that it adroitness the big awning and it’s been anxiously recreated from folio to screen.  

Animated Baby Giraffe | www.pixshark.com – Images … – animation cartooning | animation cartooning

Look carefully in the above burrow and there are some abundant banana book apparel to be found! The Iron Spider clothing from the Civil War banana book is there as is the new apparel from the Spider-Man video game.

There are additionally a brace of altered versions of the Spider-Amour and I’m abiding I spotted the wall-crawler’s Secret Wars clothing too. The adaptation with the cape that Miles credibility out to Peter doesn’t accept a base in the antecedent actual as far as I can recall, however.  

Spider-Man 2 is broadly advised the best Spider-Man cine to date (well, until this came along) and so it apparently won’t abruptness you to apprentice that there are a cardinal of references to the sequel.

We see Spidey bolt a car flung through a window which is evocative of what happened aback Doctor Octopus attacked in the 2004 movie, while the alternation arena is additionally included during this montage. It’s abundant fun seeing these moments recreated and article admirers should appreciate. 

When the Spider-Man on Miles’ Earth is unmasked, we apprentice that he has albino hair!

Weird, right? Well, while this is no agnosticism done to abstracted this adaptation of Peter Parker from Peter B. Parker, it’s additionally added than acceptable a advertence to Ben Reilly. In the comics, he was the carbon of Peter who confused out of New York City and absolute his beard to try and beard his accurate identity.

Will an Into the Spider-Verse aftereffect acknowledge that the Peter who died was absolutely a clone? 

Much to the disappointment of abounding Spider-Man fans, Tom Holland’s wall-crawler acutely doesn’t accomplish an appearance. However, there is a nod to the Marvel Studios cine as Spidey is depicted in a attempt which is identical to the bear arena in Spider-Man: Homecoming.

The aberration here, however, is that he’s aggravating to save two buses from activity over the ancillary of a bridge!

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If you’re at all accustomed with Miles Morales’ banana book origins, you’ll apperceive that the Oscorp spider that bit him was branded with the cardinal “42.” The aforementioned affair happened in the afresh appear Spider-Man video bold and while Alchemax is now the aggregation amenable for creating it, the awful alarming that gives the youngster his superpowers does absolutely accept this cardinal on its back. 

Stan “The Man ” Lee makes a adornment actualization as a abundance buyer who is cashing in on Spidey’s annihilation by affairs replica costumes. Aback Miles asks what will appear if it doesn’t fit, Lee promises that they consistently fit…because he has a no refunds and no allotment policy! It’s actual funny and a affecting little accolade to the banana book architect and one of his best agreeable cameos to date.  

If you’ve been befitting a abutting eye on the TV spots for Into the Spider-Verse, you’ve apparently already apparent this but what an alarming Easter Egg! In a bequest to one of Spider-Man 3’s best ridiculed scenes, the wall-crawler dances through the artery artful the exact aforementioned moves that Tobey Maguire’s Peter Parker pulled off in the threequel and it absolutely looks absolutely air-conditioned in animation.  

During the movie’s after-credits scene, we pay a appointment to the year 2099 and are alien to Spider-Man 2099 (voiced by Oscar Isaac). He has a accessory actual agnate to the ones acclimated in banana book contest like Spider-Geddon which allows him to biking amid ambit and it’s again that he decides to biking to “where it all began.” 

That’s Earth-67 and it’s home to a Spider-Man best of us apparently didn’t apprehend to see here… 

Into the Spider-Verse is an activated cine so it makes faculty that “where it all began” is absolutely the aboriginal action featuring the wall-crawler! Miguel O’Hara ends up in the adventure which has aback become a meme for the two Spider-Men pointing at anniversary added and while this is played for laughs, Spider-Man 2099 will no agnosticism accept a key role to comedy in the aftereffect aback it’s accordingly released. 

When Miles’ thoughts alpha bustling up on screen, they’re in chicken boxes. Now, this could be a absolute accompaniment but something tells me that this may be a advertence to Deadpool, a actualization the filmmakers no agnosticism would accept admired to accommodate actuality accustomed his acclaimed history with the wall-crawler.

Tonally, the movies aren’t all that altered so that may be addition acumen why they’re used. 

Just like in the comics, Miles goes to a allotment academy and while his acquaintance never speaks, he bears an astonishing affinity to Ganke (a actualization Marvel Studios has based Ned Leeds on in their Spider-Man movies). Everything about Miles bears a affinity to the antecedent material, though, including the actuality that his Uncle Aaron is afterwards appear to be The Prowler. 

Character Design for Animation / Cartooning on RISD Portfolios – animation cartooning | animation cartooning

Something that’s absolutely new is Miles absorption in graffiti which afterwards inspires his costume’s appearance.

If you’re at all accustomed with the “Spider-Verse” banana book events, you’ll no agnosticism be all too accustomed with the Web of Life and Destiny. It’s played a cardinal role in a cardinal of contest and while it’s alone glimpsed briefly here, it could be an adumbration that the aftereffect is activity to put the spotlight on the awful Inheritors (which agency characters like Morlun and the Master Weaver could be coming). 

We acutely apprehend the archetypal “With Abundant Power Comes Abundant Responsibility” band in this cine but Miles’ dad has a hardly altered booty on that aback he’s discussing Spider-Man with his son.

He’s not the better admirers of the wall-crawler and says that “With Abundant Power Comes Abundant Accountability.” Luckily, by the time all is said and done, he appears to be a fan of the webbed hero. 

Long afore Phil Lord and Chris Miller appear The LEGO Movie, the duo formed on a accepted activated alternation on MTV accepted as Carbon High. Despite actuality annulled on our Earth way aback in 2003, it was acutely a hit on Miles’ because a Times Square advance reveals that a aftereffect cine blue-blooded Carbon College is actuality released. Admirers of this actualization no agnosticism which they could move universes now… 

When all the altered spider heroes are brought to Miles’ Earth, we actual briefly get to see the names of the worlds they’re from. It’s adamantine to bolt them all but it seems as if Miles is from Earth-1610 (which is the Ultimate Cosmos in the comics) and Peter B. Parker is absolutely from Earth 616!

That agency he’s the one, accurate Spider-Man and it seems as if Sony absitively to accord us a glimpse into his future, article no added cine has done and a affair alike the comics rarely blow on. Perhaps this agency we’ll get to accommodated May Parker in the follow-up, abnormally as Peter is planning to get aback calm with his ex-wife, Mary Jane Watson!  

When Miles is scrolling through his phone, two names anon jump out. Those are Brian Michael Bendis and Sara Pichelli, the writer/artist aggregation that created the actualization anon afterwards the Ultimate Universe’s Peter Parker was dead off. These two were acutely cardinal in authoritative Miles the massively accepted hero he is today, so it’s nice to see them get a acknowledgment in this way.  

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One of the film critics that I find most useful is, of all people, Leonard Maltin, the bespectacled, avuncular cinema scribe who has made a mint with his ubiquitous Movie Guide. This shallow, moralistic “critic” can always be relied upon to give many of my favorite movies a “BOMB” rating, or better yet, one-and-a-half stars out of four, the former at least raising his outrage to a certain dramatic pitch, the latter being merely dismissive and condescending. While he has given such arguable masterpieces as Salo, Querelle, The Driver’s Seat and Mandingo the BOMB, he reserves his one-and-a-half star designation for films such as Caligula, Star 80, Cruising, That Cold Day in the Park, von Trier’s The Idiots, Scorsese’s New York, New York, The Brown Bunny, The Killing of a Chinese Bookie and Andrzej Żuławski’s Possession. What most of these films have in common is what Maltin would describe as a “sordid” or “demeaning” representation of sexuality or, more accurately, investigations into morally ambiguous territory within the realms of fetish, sexual obsession and transgression. If Maltin gives it *½, you know it has to be good, or at least pretty damned interesting.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977), one of Maltin’s 1.5 star specials, has to be one of the most audacious and fascinating movies of the seventies. Despite (or, more to the point, because of) its Restricted rating, as a teenager I snuck into the movie theater to watch it multiple times, and it rocked my world. It was the first movie poster I put on my bedroom wall (much to my parents’ consternation), spurring my sexual imagination, my budding homosexuality, and my identification with complex, unapologetically sexual female characters in a profound and lasting way. The film has a murky and somewhat mysterious reputation, praised at the time of its release for Diane Keaton’s fearless performance, and doing good box office, but dismissed in some circles (like Maltin’s) as tawdry and exploitative. I eagerly bought it when it was released on VHS, but astonishingly it has never been officially released on DVD or Blu-ray. Some sources attribute this to music rights (the soundtrack is stellar, including classic songs by Donna Summer, Marlene Shaw, Thelma Houston, and many more); others say that Tom Berenger has tried to keep it under wraps (a shame if true, as it’s one of his best performances). Whatever the reason, it’s almost fitting that such a complex and transgressive film has been suppressed.

What strikes me first about rewatching Goodbar (now available on YouTube!) is how practically experimental it is in form and narrative style, especially in comparison to contemporary Hollywood’s slavish capitulation to conventional narrative form and formulaic content. The opening montage of color street shots, including flash-forwards of Keaton in her milieu of porn theaters and seedy bars, is immediately followed by a black-and-white still montage (photos by Kathy Fields, daughter of the film’s producer, Freddie Fields) set to an overture of the soundtrack music, for the opening credit sequence. (Both Goodbar and Cruising, a kind of gay counterpart to Goodbar that came out two years later, had trailers composed of black-and-white still photo montages, something that would be unheard of today.) The director of the film, Richard Brooks, who also adapted the screenplay from Judith Rossner’s pulp novel of the same name, came out of the tradition of classic Hollywood (he directed such seminal films as Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Elmer Gantry and In Cold Blood), but here he was clearly influenced by the deconstructive and fractured narrative and formal techniques of seventies Hollywood, which was influenced itself by underground and experimental cinema, B-movie chic, and even pornography, a genre that, after the sexual revolution, had a certain forbidden cachet. Goodbar veers between classic technique (rear-screen projection, artificial street sets and lighting – Manhattan as depicted in Goodbar at times almost looks like Kubrick’s studio recreation of it in Eyes Wide Shut) and more modern formal flourishes – location shots, jarring montage, fragmented images, achronological editing, etc. (Brooks’ excessive and highly symbolic use of mirrors in the movie almost gives Altman a run for his money.) The old and new schools of Hollywood clash in Goodbar, with spectacular and disturbing results.

What better actor, then, than Diane Keaton to portray Goodbar‘s main character, Theresa Dunn? (The novel and film are based on the true-life story of Roseann Quinn, a first-grade teacher of deaf children who cruised Manhattan’s dive bars seeking anonymous sexual partners and recreational drugs until she was brutally stabbed to death in her bed in 1973.) Straddling old-school Hollywood glamour as Woody Allen’s main muse and playing Al Pacino’s love interest Kay in The Godfather films (in Goodbar, Theresa reads The Godfather in one of the bars she frequents), Keaton also signified a new kind of female star, independent, liberated, and sexually assertive, wearing men’s clothes and putting her career first in Annie Hall, for example, released the same year as Goodbar. (In several scenes, like the one in which she accidentally drops the phone receiver into the toilet, Keaton actually becomes Annie Hall.) The film is told completely from Theresa’s point of view, showing us her fantasies and desires with dogged subjectivity (Keaton is virtually in every scene in the movie, save for several in which her murderer is introduced).

To say that Goodbar is an obsessive and symbolically overdetermined film would be an understatement: the film compulsively reiterates themes, visual motifs and parallel narratives, a relentless and repetitive reiteration of ideas that lends that film the aspect of a Freudian dream landscape, a baroque, Boschian sequence of fantasies, projections and illusions. (Fantasy sequences often start out as “false narratives,” initially perceived as a progression of the actual narrative, only to be revealed ultimately as merely morbid or sexually transgressive daydreams.) The first third of the film, before Theresa hits the bars in earnest, is slightly more conventional, but still plays with subjective and objective reality. The fractured fantasy motif is introduced when she throws herself in front of a car driven by the self-absorbed college professor who just jilted her (“I can’t stand the company of a woman right after I’ve fucked her,” he says, one of many memorable lines in the film), and then has her breast kissed by the emergency doctor (Brian Dennehy!) who tries to seduce her on the way to the operating table. Theresa gets sexually aroused when she visits her sex-kitten sister, Catherine (a deliciously self-referential Tuesday Weld, garnering her one and only Oscar nomination here) and finds her watching 16mm porn films as part of a swinging foursome. (“You like home movies? Let’s watch the kiddies play,” says Weld’s female companion.) Theresa smokes grass and marvels at the pornographic glass mobile hanging in her sister’s pad. (It later becomes the major symbol of her own pornographic imagination.) She moves into the dingy basement apartment below her sister, and begins practicing sign language in the bathroom mirror, then masturbating with a pillow. Her life begins its ceaseless tide between day and night, light and dark, respectability and licentiousness, morality and immorality: first-grade teacher for the deaf by day, with her hair pulled back and wearing glasses; unbridled, hedonistic adventuress by night, letting her hair down, sans glasses. As her future lover and cokehead gigolo, Tony (Richard Gere), will succinctly put it, “Teacher of little kids cruising crummy bars. Jesus Christ, no wonder this country’s all screwed up!”

But the film is not judgmental of Theresa’s sexual voraciousness and pursuit of altered states or reality. Quite the contrary, it celebrates her libidinous drive and portrays her as happy and content with her life, except on the occasions when it starts to interfere with her day job. This has a lot to do with Keaton’s startling, orgasmic performance. For the only actor who refused to disrobe in the original Broadway production of Hair, Keaton certainly rises to the occasion here. Showing her breasts unselfconsciously, lifting up her skirt to expose her ass after she straddles her professor lover, she gives a performance of rare sexual frankness and sensuality. When the film really kicks in, following Theresa to a variety of smoky, crowded bars, scoring coke and dancing with the multicultural clientele, you get a genuine sense of the character’s carnal exuberance and exhilaration. (Novelist Rossner was reputedly not happy with this sanguine representation of Theresa’s sexual liberation.) All this is set in counterpoint to her strict Irish Catholic family life, with her father (Richard Kiley) constantly judging and berating her, the only part of the movie that tends to fall into cliché. (Her lower back scar from a congenital disease becomes the main symbol of her family’s dysfunction.) The scene in which she is confronted with an imposing nun in the subway sums it up neatly, although it’s not at all clear whether it’s intended as reality or a fantasy projection of her guilt.

In terms of reflecting the era and all of its sociological and cultural underpinnings, Goodbar is a unique document of the post-sixties sexual revolution, reconfigured as a neo-noir. Theresa Dunn, and Keaton’s interpretation of her, is undeniably feminist – living happily on her own, eschewing marriage, monogamy and reproduction (in one scene she tells a doctor to fix it permanently so she will never have kids). But the film also gently lampoons feminism, as per the scene in which Theresa does isometric exercises to increase her bust size (a trend of the era) while watching Women’s Lib protest footage on TV. Theresa’s idea of feminism is much more daring and politically incorrect than the traditional Second Wave: she fantasizes about being a hooker turning tricks on the street early on in the film, and later she is amused when she starts to inadvertently get paid by one-night-stands who mistake her for a prostitute. She makes no judgment when Catherine tells her she’s found a good “safecracker” (abortionist), and she takes full control of her own reproductive destiny to the point of rejecting it altogether. Quinn, the real-life Theresa, was murdered less than 10 years after IUDs and oral contraceptives became popular, which changed the course of female sexuality forever. New York City was also a completely different animal in the seventies, with an estimated 40,000 prostitutes working, three times as many murders as today, and a very high incidence of crack and heroin use. (Quinn’s apartment was only a couple of blocks from the infamous Needle Park, a shooting locale for junkies immortalized in Jerry Schatzberg’s 1972 The Panic in Needle Park, starring Al Pacino.) The scenes in which Theresa smokes grass and snorts cocaine are shot in a hazy, romantic style, capturing the sensuousness and pleasurableness of the drugs that makes them so popular in the first place. In one extraordinary scene, when Theresa is about to try cocaine for the first time, she asks Tony the Gigolo what it does to you. “It makes America beautiful,” he replies.

Although the film is undoubtedly weighed more toward a celebration of female sexuality and hedonism, inevitably Theresa’s pursuit of pure pleasure catches up to her, as it must in all Hollywood movies. However, the film doesn’t particularly moralize about her lifestyle, but rather presents an explanation for the forces that ultimately destroy her: the impotence, sexual repression, and, more to the point, homosexual repression of her male lovers. The film presents three main male figures in Theresa’s life: James (the great William Atherton), the good Catholic boy and welfare worker favored by her father who helps her get a hearing aid for a poor black deaf girl in her class; Tony (early vintage Richard Gere), the coke-fueled American gigolo with a mother complex; and Gary (a very sexualized Tom Berenger), the repressed homosexual hustler who ultimately murders her. Each one is presented as her potential killer, their psychoses developed in parallel narrative threads.

James, acting as a surrogate for her father, represents the ideals of family and normalcy, and yet he is also portrayed as having, like her father, a violent temper (in one scene he tears down her pornographic glass mobile in a rage): an impotent, sexually repressed monster of sorts. In order to get her into bed, he tells her a made-up story about how as a child he witnessed his mother humiliating his father for not being able to get it up, and him beating her for it, which is followed by the extraordinary scene in which Theresa, when she discovers he’s wearing a condom, laughs hysterically and blows it up like a balloon, asking, “Is this supposed to protect you or me?” She humiliates and rejects him for his conventional sexuality, resulting in him becoming her stalker. He finally confronts her with the traditional, moral point of view: “What’s here when you come home? Anything that means anything to you? Family, a dog, a cat? Friends? Do you have one woman friend you can talk to? Last election did you even fucking vote?” James’ reinforcement of the status quo and his likeness to her father repulses her. You can easily imagine that he could kill her for it, especially when she suggests that perhaps he isn’t even really into women sexually at all.

Richard Gere, as the hustler Vietnam war vet Tony, gives one of the most electric performances of the seventies, in the role that probably made him a star. Theresa meets Tony when she witnesses him trying to steal money from a purse on the bar (later Theresa herself starts to shoplift as part of her own rebellion), and subsequently takes him home for a one-nighter. In the scene that blew my mind when I saw the film as a teenager, Gere, wearing nothing but an open blue shirt and white jock strap, chugs from a bottle of champagne and does pushups, his muscular ass clearly visible. Then, clad only in the jock, he does a frenetic dance in the dark with a green fluorescent switchblade, which ends with him mock-stabbing Theresa, one of many foreshadowings in the film of her grisly demise. Later in the film, after Theresa rejects him, he simulates a premature ejaculation with a bottle of beer, symbolizing his sexual shortcomings. “You and my mother: the two biggest cunts in the world,” he tells her, his mother complex also suggesting sexual impotence. In another mind-blowing scene, Catherine rushes into Theresa’s apartment on New Year’s Eve with a masked companion who stabs her with a fake knife. “Your thing is limp,” says her sister, to which the man replies, “Story of my life.” Theresa also accuses another random trick of being queer after he takes her to a gay bar. “Me, queer?” he says. “Jesus, I’m a married man. I have two kids and a very expensive mistress!” All the men in Goodbar are putting up a front of being a prime specimen of heterosexual normalcy, a façade that Theresa sees through like a seer. (In Greek mythology, Theresa is the blind seer who warns Narcissus of his ultimate demise.)

As in the real-life story, Theresa is ultimately murdered by a gay male who is wracked with guilt and in denial about his homosexuality. Whether consciously or not, Tom Berenger plays the sexy murderer as a cross between Rocky in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Helmut Berger in The Damned. In the scene in which he is bashed by a group of homophobes (that hop out of a hearse!) on New Year’s Eve, he violently careens around in a jock strap, blond wig and feather boa, blaming his sugar daddy for turning him into a faggot. When Theresa picks him up at a bar (she intends him to be her last trick, giving up her wicked ways as a New Year’s resolution), she doesn’t realize that he’s an ex-con with a violent temper, and a self-loathing homosexual. (“In my neighborhood,” he tells her, “if you didn’t fight, you were a fruit. In prison, if you didn’t fight, you spread ass!”) Like Narcissus, Theresa has finally found her Nemesis. (The film is full of double imagery, from the Dorian Grey drawing of herself that appears on her wall, to the constant mirror imagery, to the various dopplegangers that faux-stab her throughout the movie.) This time, when her love object can’t get it up and starts to masturbate furiously, she tells him he doesn’t have to prove anything. The consequences are fatal. “Prove? Prove what? I don’t got to prove nothing to you. You think I’m a flaming faggot!” What follows is one of the most harrowing, dark and disturbing rape/murder scenes ever to appear in a mainstream movie. In his rage, Gary inadvertently knocks over the strobe light that James had given her as a birthday present, turning the horrible act into a lurid, cinematic spectacle. (The symbolism couldn’t be thicker: earlier James had told Theresa he bought her the strobe because it reminded him of her: light and dark, on and off, now I see you, now I don’t.) In a gruesome display of the return of the repressed, he violently rapes her while plunging the phallic knife repeatedly into her chest. No matter how many times I watch the film, this visceral scene moves me to tears. Theresa, who has been portrayed as the strong, intelligent, liberated woman, has her light brutally extinguished by the forces of sexual repression that mangle and destroy the male egos of her lovers. It’s not so much a cautionary tale against female promiscuity and hedonism, but rather one against those who deny their own desires and project their rage and frustration onto the Other.

via Talkhouse //