#like the milestones that are normal for our ages. so i guess age is more of a factor for him considering he actually acts his age

[lesbianjonimitchell]

re that post i think the reason why i have so many friends that are 20-40+ years older than me is because my life experiences don't align with those of my peers anyway. i have nothing in common with people my age that is to do with age, so, like, it doesn't matter. and i usually get along better with people that are older because they're less hung up on age and don't expect me to have certain experiences or be a certain way based on age

[soleadita]

Re your tags about the school major.... literally one of the biggest turnoffs for me about majoring in psych was being preached to by a bunch of middle aged white men about white men theories and they all thought they were the absolute shit and I was SOooooo just. Oh I was so fed up by graduation lol

LITERALLY. literally. oh my GOD. (ok so i tried really hard to answer this normally but it ended up being a rant of epic proportions and in hindsight i fear it's only tangentially related to your actual ask but i spent too long writing it so it's gonna stay.)

most of my professors were, thank god, not quite Like That (mostly older white women, which could be frustrating in other ways, but i cannot imagine having to take a bunch of white man psych dudes seriously for that long, holy shit) but boy oh BOY do i have one specific grievance to air.

so my major was specifically focused on child development (which officially spans ages 0-18 yrs), and basically we went through three years of like The Stages of Development (piaget, erikson, freud, vygotsky, etc) and Theories and The Major Studies and developmental milestones and preschool lab, and then in our fourth year, there was one (1!!!!!!) required class that was essentially like "cultural perspectives on xyz." (the titling of the class was absolute bullshit btw. cultural perspectives? as if we weren't already being taught from a cultural perspective. like, ok.)

the specifics of the class as a whole have mostly been lost to me at this point, but the gist was essentially "by the way, all the super old linear theories of development we've been drilling into your head aren't as widely applicable as everyone acts like they are and may, in fact, lead to detrimental assessments of people whose culture and backgrounds and experiences differ from the white upper-middle class cishet able-bodied male norm." (i did, for funsies, dig through my google docs this evening and skim some of my old notes. SHIT WAS WILD. god.) and i just remember feeling simultaneously super underwhelmed (like, yes, i figured this out two years ago and it would've been nice to get more than 10 weeks worth of a class on it?) and incensed (WHY ISN'T THIS MORE CENTRAL TO THE CURRICULUM FOR THE ENTIRE DEGREE?).

it's like. idk. when i wanted a tamale recipe that would taste close to my grandma's, i googled it in spanish, bc when i google it in english i get assaulted by white lady food blogs. but googling in spanish gives vastly different (and much more helpful) results. and that's kinda how i felt by the end of my degree. like, what would this have looked like if i studied it in other countries and in other languages? what's in their textbooks? who are the other scholars? and that's also tricky, i guess, because i get the sense that academia is pretty gatekept across the board, and it's not like going to other places is gonna change that necessarily? but still. other non-us-centric perspectives at the fucking least.

and the thing that kills me is like...wouldn't this be so much more exciting if we could pick this apart and examine it from multiple angles? and wouldn't you be equipping these future teachers or occupational therapists or social workers etc etc so much better? and wouldn't your research be stronger? and wouldn't you be able to better understand and serve and care for the children and families you're trying to work with? and how are you content to sit in your tenured position and teach the same shit quarter after quarter when you know there's SO MUCH MORE TO THE PUZZLE that you're NOT LOOKING AT?

ANYWAY. this is so far removed from the original point. i'm so sorry. i just love bitching and commiserating about shit like this. <3

[firespirited]

I think for a lot of people who'd experienced one or several small or large scale "end of the world" moments before 2020, it's been, not so much validating but slightly less isolating I guess, to have everyone have a small understanding of the loneliness of isolation, fear of dying from a cold or grief for systems you thought were built for the public but do not serve the public.

Before the pandemic, I'd find myself bonding with people who'd been through a disaster long before we ever talked about our backgrounds. For some it was a house fire or losing a sibling to leukaemia, others it was interpersonal violence, generational trauma, mental illness, horrid experiences with police or CPS or immigration. What we had in common was that we all knew, often from a young age, that life is deeply unfair and there is no "just world" where you can be good enough to earn safety.

Now I feel like there are more who get it, even if only partially and it's easier to spot what used to feel like "the normals", like they were 99% of the population. It's them who stand out as just slightly off now, slightly delusional when talking about illness and the weather even if they're trying to act like they're still the normal ones. Know what i mean?

I don't feel older despite hitting a big milestone? i feel like the rest of the world aged up to the wizened children, messed up teenagers and unmoored adults that us oddballs always were.

like does anyone else still feel the exact same age they were in march 2020 like 90% of the time

[ghost-town6]

It's been a while since I wrote here, a lot of things have changed for the past 2 years. I left my previous job, which doubled my income, and my colleagues are great!

I started driving, I love driving, but I don't love thinking about going to drive though, I am still the same person years ago, who prefers staying at home more than going out, from time to time I still feel pressured when my s/o asks to go out when we were just outside the week, I am still the same, however, I stopped being vocal about it which I think is a sign of maturity on my side, because I didn't want her to hesitate asking me whenever she wants to go out, it's just that when I get asked all the time It makes me sad in a way, makes me feel like people don't care about my feelings and my time because If they know me, I love staying at home and having time for myself to do the things I want, these kinds of situation makes me feel like people don't think about what I really want and at the same time don't really know the kind of person I am. Also, having said all that I am conflicted as well, does having this kind of thinking makes me look selfish? Thats the reason why I'm not vocal about it anymore.

My s/o and I recently bought a house, downpayment is done and we're looking to pay the remaining in 3 years. We plan on renting it and not actually living on it and buy another house for ourselves by the time we're ready (age 29 or 30?). I'm actually happy about this huge milestone though we still have a long way to go.

I don't get angry that much anymore, I think I manage to fix my anger issues, I don't remember the last time I feel like I want to scream my lungs out, however what I noticed about myself is, whenever I struggle in life I Immediately say in my head "I want to die" even though I don't actually want to die. I still get sad from time to time but I think it's more of a normal feeling of sadness compared to what I feel before, since my life is definitely better now compared to before, I have savings now, I travel a lot locally, I'm planning to travel outside the country, but I may have to budget things before doing so, I've been working out and been trying to eat healthy, I landed a new job, (not actually new, I've been with them for almost 10 months now.) I stopped gambling my money away, I stopped crypto, and I can definitely say I've changed a lot for the better in the past years. The reason I'm writing here again is because I snapped earlier, I cried again, I don't remember the last time I cried but this one definitely hit my emotions, yesterday I was with my s/o and I brought up me giving compliment to a person- in my defense I was just being friendly and wholesome, I didn't think of it of anything other than just being a kind person and wanted to make someone feel good about themselves. I got disappointed I felt that this act of kindness is portrayed as something about me leading the person, that I am flirting. The next day I just decided I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to speak, I was too disappointed, and I was tired of working this week, I just went to visit my niece in the hospital, I finished editing this video for our last trip, and I was constantly asked to go out when here I am looking forward for the weekend to do things I want and I am here writing this on tumblr because I don't have anyone I feel safe talking about my emotions, what made me snap is this long message from my s/o that she was trying her best to communicate with me regarding the matter which I myself think that we shouldn't make a big deal out of this when I was just being kind, and then I cried lol I was so fed up about everything and didn't have the energy to deal with it.

Right now, I do feel better compared to when I just started writing this thread, I guess we can say I did improve, the previous threads I made I was in my emotions the whole time I'm writing it!

Oh, and one thing that I truly realized is that I don't really want to be rich, but I need to be, I realized being a man without money is being useless to people around you. If I was given a choice I would live a rather simpler life, but I need to support the people I love and provide them what they expect which is a difficult life to live.

Hoping that I am on track to being the best version of myself one day at the time. I look back to previous threads and It makes me realize how much I've changed for the better. peace

[cleverhottubmiracle]

🧹 What to Ditch After 50 (and what to keep) There’s something powerful about reaching 50. It’s a milestone that brings clarity, confidence, and—yes—a healthy dose of self-awareness. We’ve weathered storms, celebrated milestones, and learned a lot along the way. And while the media might want to shelve us after a certain age, I say this is the perfect time to refine, refresh, and reclaim. So today, we’re diving into a little spring cleaning for the soul and the closet. Here’s what to ditch after 50—and what to keep. Clothing that Doesn’t Fit (or Flatter) If it tugs, pulls, gaps, or makes you feel less than your best, it’s time to say goodbye. And yes, that includes those “aspirational” jeans from ten years ago. Your closet should reflect who you are now—not who you used to be or hope to become. I know, I know: This one might sting a little—because we’ve all done it. We’ve held on to that one pair of jeans we used to fit into. The dress from ten years ago that hasn’t zipped in five. Or the blouse that was almost perfect… if only we lost a few pounds. But here’s the truth: clothes are meant to fit you—not the other way around. Life after 50 brings so many changes—hormones, health, lifestyle. And guess what? That’s normal. Expected, even. But holding onto clothing that no longer fits isn’t motivation—it’s a burden. This isn’t about ‘giving up’—it’s about showing up. Showing up for yourself, for your body, for this season of life. Because style isn’t just about how we look—it’s about how we feel. You are not a number on a tag. You are not a ‘before’ photo. You are a woman with wisdom, strength, and taste—and your wardrobe should celebrate that. So let’s stop saving space for who we used to be, and start curating a wardrobe that fits the incredible woman we are right now. What to ditch after 50? Yep, clothes that no longer fit! Shop the Collage A few of my favorite spring wardrobe staples from Lands’ End available at Nordstrom! Outdated Style Rules No white after Labor Day? Long hair past 50? Enough. We make the rules now, and they should serve you. Fashion is personal, and there’s nothing more stylish than confidence. Outdated style rules are on my what to ditch after 50 list and have been for a very long time. I still remember the first time I wore white after Labor Day. It was a crisp October morning, and I pulled on a pair of white denim just because they made me feel good. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear my mother’s voice whispering, “That’s not the way it’s done.” But I stepped out the door anyway—and never looked back. After 50, we’re not interested in dusty old-fashioned rules that tell us what we can’t wear. No sleeves after sixty? Who came up with that one? Matching your shoes to your handbag? Sometimes, but not every time. If style is about expressing who you are, why let someone else’s rulebook define your story? The truth is, confidence is the most stylish thing you can wear—and that never goes out of season. Fast Fashion Hauls Okay, let’s have a little heart-to-heart. If you’ve ever filled an online shopping cart at midnight because everything was under $20… you’re not alone. Fast fashion hauls can feel like a steal in the moment, but here’s the truth: those pieces often cost us more in the long run. They shrink, fade, pill, or fall apart after two washes—and suddenly that ‘deal’ becomes clutter. And let’s be honest… do we really wear most of those impulse buys more than once or twice? After 50, our wardrobe deserves the same kind of thought and care we give to other areas of our lives. Quality matters. Fit matters. And longevity? That’s everything. Instead of chasing trends, I now look for investment pieces—the staples that anchor my wardrobe. A beautifully tailored blazer. A crisp white shirt. A cashmere sweater that feels like a warm hug. Smart Investment Pieces for Women Over 50 Quality leather flats or loafers Neutral blazer (structured or soft) Dark-wash denim (great fit is key) White button-up shirt Timeless handbag in leather Cashmere or merino wool sweater Stretched Out Leggings Let’s talk leggings. We all have that one pair—the faded black ones that used to fit just right but now… well, they sag in the knees, they’ve lost their stretch, and the waistband does more rolling than holding Let’s be honest: they’re more lounge than luxe at this point. And if you’re wearing them to run errands, meet a friend for coffee, or even just feel put-together at home, they’re not exactly doing you any favors. Here’s the upgrade: structured knit pants or tailored joggers. Same comfort, but with a whole new level of polish. These aren’t your old-school sweatpants. Today’s knit trousers and joggers are soft, stretchy, and comfortable—but they hold their shape, hug in the right places, and elevate your look instantly. Comparing Yourself to Others Social media makes it tempting, but comparing yourself to others—especially people in different chapters of life—is a recipe for unhappiness. Embrace your journey. It’s uniquely yours. Your wardrobe should feel like your best friend—supportive, inspiring, and always making you feel your best. If it makes you second-guess yourself or hide… it’s time to thank it and let it go Every season of life deserves its own style evolution. You’ve grown. You’ve earned your confidence. So let’s build a wardrobe that reflects the powerful, beautiful woman you are right now. Because when your wardrobe finally aligns with your confidence? That’s when the real style magic happens. Now that we’ve discussed What to Ditch After 50 let’s chat about what to keep! 🌟 What to Keep They say turning 50 is about knowing what to let go—but I’ve found it’s just as much about knowing what to keep. Keep your sense of humor. Keep your red lipstick. Keep the heels if they still make you feel fabulous. Keep the classics that never fail you—a crisp white shirt, a great blazer, and that one dress that always makes you stand a little taller. But most of all? Keep your confidence. That’s the piece that pulls every outfit together. Because style at a certain age isn’t about chasing trends—it’s about honoring what makes you feel like you. A Signature Style  Now’s the time to refine what makes you you. Maybe it’s clean lines and neutrals, maybe it’s bold color and statement jewelry. The key is: own it. Here are a few timeless outfit ideas I reach for again and again: Curiosity Keep learning. Take the trip. Try the class. Learn the language. Feed your mind and heart with newness. Your Inner Circle  Prioritize those who show up. Who celebrate your wins. Who brings wine when you’re down. Keep them close. Healthy Habits  Wellness is a lifelong journey. Move your body. Prioritize sleep. Eat what makes you feel good. Aging gracefully is less about fighting time and more about honoring it. ✨ Closing Thoughts After 50, life doesn’t slow down—it sharpens. We get to choose what stays and what goes, and that kind of freedom is nothing short of fabulous. So here’s to letting go of what no longer serves us and holding on tight to the things that do. Tell me—what are you ditching and keeping after 50? Drop a comment below. Let’s inspire each other to live boldly, beautifully, and unapologetically at any age. About The Author Beth Djalali is the Founder and CEO of Style at a Certain Age. She writes Sundays-Fridays on all topics ranging from fashion, health, wellness, home design and more. She’s 66, 5’8, and size 8. Source link

[norajworld]

🧹 What to Ditch After 50 (and what to keep) There’s something powerful about reaching 50. It’s a milestone that brings clarity, confidence, and—yes—a healthy dose of self-awareness. We’ve weathered storms, celebrated milestones, and learned a lot along the way. And while the media might want to shelve us after a certain age, I say this is the perfect time to refine, refresh, and reclaim. So today, we’re diving into a little spring cleaning for the soul and the closet. Here’s what to ditch after 50—and what to keep. Clothing that Doesn’t Fit (or Flatter) If it tugs, pulls, gaps, or makes you feel less than your best, it’s time to say goodbye. And yes, that includes those “aspirational” jeans from ten years ago. Your closet should reflect who you are now—not who you used to be or hope to become. I know, I know: This one might sting a little—because we’ve all done it. We’ve held on to that one pair of jeans we used to fit into. The dress from ten years ago that hasn’t zipped in five. Or the blouse that was almost perfect… if only we lost a few pounds. But here’s the truth: clothes are meant to fit you—not the other way around. Life after 50 brings so many changes—hormones, health, lifestyle. And guess what? That’s normal. Expected, even. But holding onto clothing that no longer fits isn’t motivation—it’s a burden. This isn’t about ‘giving up’—it’s about showing up. Showing up for yourself, for your body, for this season of life. Because style isn’t just about how we look—it’s about how we feel. You are not a number on a tag. You are not a ‘before’ photo. You are a woman with wisdom, strength, and taste—and your wardrobe should celebrate that. So let’s stop saving space for who we used to be, and start curating a wardrobe that fits the incredible woman we are right now. What to ditch after 50? Yep, clothes that no longer fit! Shop the Collage A few of my favorite spring wardrobe staples from Lands’ End available at Nordstrom! Outdated Style Rules No white after Labor Day? Long hair past 50? Enough. We make the rules now, and they should serve you. Fashion is personal, and there’s nothing more stylish than confidence. Outdated style rules are on my what to ditch after 50 list and have been for a very long time. I still remember the first time I wore white after Labor Day. It was a crisp October morning, and I pulled on a pair of white denim just because they made me feel good. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear my mother’s voice whispering, “That’s not the way it’s done.” But I stepped out the door anyway—and never looked back. After 50, we’re not interested in dusty old-fashioned rules that tell us what we can’t wear. No sleeves after sixty? Who came up with that one? Matching your shoes to your handbag? Sometimes, but not every time. If style is about expressing who you are, why let someone else’s rulebook define your story? The truth is, confidence is the most stylish thing you can wear—and that never goes out of season. Fast Fashion Hauls Okay, let’s have a little heart-to-heart. If you’ve ever filled an online shopping cart at midnight because everything was under $20… you’re not alone. Fast fashion hauls can feel like a steal in the moment, but here’s the truth: those pieces often cost us more in the long run. They shrink, fade, pill, or fall apart after two washes—and suddenly that ‘deal’ becomes clutter. And let’s be honest… do we really wear most of those impulse buys more than once or twice? After 50, our wardrobe deserves the same kind of thought and care we give to other areas of our lives. Quality matters. Fit matters. And longevity? That’s everything. Instead of chasing trends, I now look for investment pieces—the staples that anchor my wardrobe. A beautifully tailored blazer. A crisp white shirt. A cashmere sweater that feels like a warm hug. Smart Investment Pieces for Women Over 50 Quality leather flats or loafers Neutral blazer (structured or soft) Dark-wash denim (great fit is key) White button-up shirt Timeless handbag in leather Cashmere or merino wool sweater Stretched Out Leggings Let’s talk leggings. We all have that one pair—the faded black ones that used to fit just right but now… well, they sag in the knees, they’ve lost their stretch, and the waistband does more rolling than holding Let’s be honest: they’re more lounge than luxe at this point. And if you’re wearing them to run errands, meet a friend for coffee, or even just feel put-together at home, they’re not exactly doing you any favors. Here’s the upgrade: structured knit pants or tailored joggers. Same comfort, but with a whole new level of polish. These aren’t your old-school sweatpants. Today’s knit trousers and joggers are soft, stretchy, and comfortable—but they hold their shape, hug in the right places, and elevate your look instantly. Comparing Yourself to Others Social media makes it tempting, but comparing yourself to others—especially people in different chapters of life—is a recipe for unhappiness. Embrace your journey. It’s uniquely yours. Your wardrobe should feel like your best friend—supportive, inspiring, and always making you feel your best. If it makes you second-guess yourself or hide… it’s time to thank it and let it go Every season of life deserves its own style evolution. You’ve grown. You’ve earned your confidence. So let’s build a wardrobe that reflects the powerful, beautiful woman you are right now. Because when your wardrobe finally aligns with your confidence? That’s when the real style magic happens. Now that we’ve discussed What to Ditch After 50 let’s chat about what to keep! 🌟 What to Keep They say turning 50 is about knowing what to let go—but I’ve found it’s just as much about knowing what to keep. Keep your sense of humor. Keep your red lipstick. Keep the heels if they still make you feel fabulous. Keep the classics that never fail you—a crisp white shirt, a great blazer, and that one dress that always makes you stand a little taller. But most of all? Keep your confidence. That’s the piece that pulls every outfit together. Because style at a certain age isn’t about chasing trends—it’s about honoring what makes you feel like you. A Signature Style  Now’s the time to refine what makes you you. Maybe it’s clean lines and neutrals, maybe it’s bold color and statement jewelry. The key is: own it. Here are a few timeless outfit ideas I reach for again and again: Curiosity Keep learning. Take the trip. Try the class. Learn the language. Feed your mind and heart with newness. Your Inner Circle  Prioritize those who show up. Who celebrate your wins. Who brings wine when you’re down. Keep them close. Healthy Habits  Wellness is a lifelong journey. Move your body. Prioritize sleep. Eat what makes you feel good. Aging gracefully is less about fighting time and more about honoring it. ✨ Closing Thoughts After 50, life doesn’t slow down—it sharpens. We get to choose what stays and what goes, and that kind of freedom is nothing short of fabulous. So here’s to letting go of what no longer serves us and holding on tight to the things that do. Tell me—what are you ditching and keeping after 50? Drop a comment below. Let’s inspire each other to live boldly, beautifully, and unapologetically at any age. About The Author Beth Djalali is the Founder and CEO of Style at a Certain Age. She writes Sundays-Fridays on all topics ranging from fashion, health, wellness, home design and more. She’s 66, 5’8, and size 8. Source link

[chilimili212]

🧹 What to Ditch After 50 (and what to keep) There’s something powerful about reaching 50. It’s a milestone that brings clarity, confidence, and—yes—a healthy dose of self-awareness. We’ve weathered storms, celebrated milestones, and learned a lot along the way. And while the media might want to shelve us after a certain age, I say this is the perfect time to refine, refresh, and reclaim. So today, we’re diving into a little spring cleaning for the soul and the closet. Here’s what to ditch after 50—and what to keep. Clothing that Doesn’t Fit (or Flatter) If it tugs, pulls, gaps, or makes you feel less than your best, it’s time to say goodbye. And yes, that includes those “aspirational” jeans from ten years ago. Your closet should reflect who you are now—not who you used to be or hope to become. I know, I know: This one might sting a little—because we’ve all done it. We’ve held on to that one pair of jeans we used to fit into. The dress from ten years ago that hasn’t zipped in five. Or the blouse that was almost perfect… if only we lost a few pounds. But here’s the truth: clothes are meant to fit you—not the other way around. Life after 50 brings so many changes—hormones, health, lifestyle. And guess what? That’s normal. Expected, even. But holding onto clothing that no longer fits isn’t motivation—it’s a burden. This isn’t about ‘giving up’—it’s about showing up. Showing up for yourself, for your body, for this season of life. Because style isn’t just about how we look—it’s about how we feel. You are not a number on a tag. You are not a ‘before’ photo. You are a woman with wisdom, strength, and taste—and your wardrobe should celebrate that. So let’s stop saving space for who we used to be, and start curating a wardrobe that fits the incredible woman we are right now. What to ditch after 50? Yep, clothes that no longer fit! Shop the Collage A few of my favorite spring wardrobe staples from Lands’ End available at Nordstrom! Outdated Style Rules No white after Labor Day? Long hair past 50? Enough. We make the rules now, and they should serve you. Fashion is personal, and there’s nothing more stylish than confidence. Outdated style rules are on my what to ditch after 50 list and have been for a very long time. I still remember the first time I wore white after Labor Day. It was a crisp October morning, and I pulled on a pair of white denim just because they made me feel good. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear my mother’s voice whispering, “That’s not the way it’s done.” But I stepped out the door anyway—and never looked back. After 50, we’re not interested in dusty old-fashioned rules that tell us what we can’t wear. No sleeves after sixty? Who came up with that one? Matching your shoes to your handbag? Sometimes, but not every time. If style is about expressing who you are, why let someone else’s rulebook define your story? The truth is, confidence is the most stylish thing you can wear—and that never goes out of season. Fast Fashion Hauls Okay, let’s have a little heart-to-heart. If you’ve ever filled an online shopping cart at midnight because everything was under $20… you’re not alone. Fast fashion hauls can feel like a steal in the moment, but here’s the truth: those pieces often cost us more in the long run. They shrink, fade, pill, or fall apart after two washes—and suddenly that ‘deal’ becomes clutter. And let’s be honest… do we really wear most of those impulse buys more than once or twice? After 50, our wardrobe deserves the same kind of thought and care we give to other areas of our lives. Quality matters. Fit matters. And longevity? That’s everything. Instead of chasing trends, I now look for investment pieces—the staples that anchor my wardrobe. A beautifully tailored blazer. A crisp white shirt. A cashmere sweater that feels like a warm hug. Smart Investment Pieces for Women Over 50 Quality leather flats or loafers Neutral blazer (structured or soft) Dark-wash denim (great fit is key) White button-up shirt Timeless handbag in leather Cashmere or merino wool sweater Stretched Out Leggings Let’s talk leggings. We all have that one pair—the faded black ones that used to fit just right but now… well, they sag in the knees, they’ve lost their stretch, and the waistband does more rolling than holding Let’s be honest: they’re more lounge than luxe at this point. And if you’re wearing them to run errands, meet a friend for coffee, or even just feel put-together at home, they’re not exactly doing you any favors. Here’s the upgrade: structured knit pants or tailored joggers. Same comfort, but with a whole new level of polish. These aren’t your old-school sweatpants. Today’s knit trousers and joggers are soft, stretchy, and comfortable—but they hold their shape, hug in the right places, and elevate your look instantly. Comparing Yourself to Others Social media makes it tempting, but comparing yourself to others—especially people in different chapters of life—is a recipe for unhappiness. Embrace your journey. It’s uniquely yours. Your wardrobe should feel like your best friend—supportive, inspiring, and always making you feel your best. If it makes you second-guess yourself or hide… it’s time to thank it and let it go Every season of life deserves its own style evolution. You’ve grown. You’ve earned your confidence. So let’s build a wardrobe that reflects the powerful, beautiful woman you are right now. Because when your wardrobe finally aligns with your confidence? That’s when the real style magic happens. Now that we’ve discussed What to Ditch After 50 let’s chat about what to keep! 🌟 What to Keep They say turning 50 is about knowing what to let go—but I’ve found it’s just as much about knowing what to keep. Keep your sense of humor. Keep your red lipstick. Keep the heels if they still make you feel fabulous. Keep the classics that never fail you—a crisp white shirt, a great blazer, and that one dress that always makes you stand a little taller. But most of all? Keep your confidence. That’s the piece that pulls every outfit together. Because style at a certain age isn’t about chasing trends—it’s about honoring what makes you feel like you. A Signature Style  Now’s the time to refine what makes you you. Maybe it’s clean lines and neutrals, maybe it’s bold color and statement jewelry. The key is: own it. Here are a few timeless outfit ideas I reach for again and again: Curiosity Keep learning. Take the trip. Try the class. Learn the language. Feed your mind and heart with newness. Your Inner Circle  Prioritize those who show up. Who celebrate your wins. Who brings wine when you’re down. Keep them close. Healthy Habits  Wellness is a lifelong journey. Move your body. Prioritize sleep. Eat what makes you feel good. Aging gracefully is less about fighting time and more about honoring it. ✨ Closing Thoughts After 50, life doesn’t slow down—it sharpens. We get to choose what stays and what goes, and that kind of freedom is nothing short of fabulous. So here’s to letting go of what no longer serves us and holding on tight to the things that do. Tell me—what are you ditching and keeping after 50? Drop a comment below. Let’s inspire each other to live boldly, beautifully, and unapologetically at any age. About The Author Beth Djalali is the Founder and CEO of Style at a Certain Age. She writes Sundays-Fridays on all topics ranging from fashion, health, wellness, home design and more. She’s 66, 5’8, and size 8. Source link

[twilightpony4]

Backwoods: 2. Bouncin' Around

Nobody really knew when they were born. Splinter had always known his age given the biological qualities of a rat and a person in comparison. Whatever age the boys were was all a guess. They were barely crawling upon mutation; he assumed they were barely a year by human age standards and guessed as they went through developmental milestones. The only way they could determine a birthday was by calculating when red eared slider turtles would hatch after the breeding season. Henceforth, the family would just celebrate their birth on the first day of June because babies of their breed would hatch in the early summer. It wasn’t approximate but it was a time for them to collectively celebrate their new coming of age. 

The sun was out and peeking through the cracks of the sewer. Usually at least one of them would be up in the early hour given that their prime time had become the night when they would work, but they truly listened to the NYPD’s wishes to enjoy their time off from work and indulge themselves for the day. This time, the two usual cerulean-banded sliders were sound asleep in their own rooms. However, sleeping in was a disgrace in one’s eyes, especially since he was well known in this field of irritation and annoyance. The orange banded turtle woke up with a passion as he turned on the faucet water to wash his hands.

“I can’t believe they still sleepin’ when they know our birthday is today.” He mumbled to himself, turning off the water. “I got something for them though.” He huffed. From the kitchen, he grabbed a metal pot and ravaged the drawers for a wooden spoon. With each in hand, he set off for the main hallway. How they arranged their rooms was different this time around as they continued to update their home for the ever-growing children. On the opposite side of Splinter’s quarters, the rowdy bunch were stashed in separate rooms within a T-shape hall. No longer were they in open rooms or up in their circular, lifted quarters, but now a garage door gave them the privacy they wanted when they needed it, much like their old bathroom. They were grown enough for it anyways. However, they normally kept it cracked open up to their calves so that the family could alert them if there was an emergency, but Mikey had a different use to go through. Leonardo was in the first room down on the left side, so his door was opened up first. Every loud, creaking industrial noise a garage can make while being violently pushed up as produced. Michelangelo had no intentions to be quiet at all as he went through and opened up  next. With his door lifted up, Mikey began to scream and bang the spoon on the pot. “Ey! Ey! EY! Wake up! Get up! Get up! Get-Up!” He screamed, then he made a break for the other side of the hall to open up the rest of their doors. “Get up! Get-Up! I ain’t get no sleep so you ain’t gonna get none either!” The last room was Mona’s and he entered hers since Raphael’s large body was missing from his bed when he went into his room. Without fear, he approached her bed and banged loud against the head of his sleeping brother. Due to the size of the mattresses and how they’re able to sleep on them in the first place, his body engulfed hers as his arm pinned her down in slumber. It was actually pretty comfortable for the both of them despite how large he was compared to her. He cracked an eye open to look up. Mona sounded disgusted and tried to hide underneath his body. “Get up! Get up! Get-up-get-up-get-up-get-up-get-up!” Gaining a response, the orange banded terrapin stopped briefly.

“Bro, I know you lying.” Raphael groaned under his forearm.

“Ya’ll just nasty.” their brother replied in disgust.

“I fell asleep.” Raphael defended why he wasn’t in his room for the night. The young turtle ignored him as he jumped over the bed. His foot touched down on the mattress, shifting the two sleepers to that side and growing even more mad than before. No permission, he opened up her drawers and began digging.

“Guess what I got for yall….” From them, he pulled out the recognizable pink garments she wore on a nightly basis. “Clothes! Get up!” He threw the two-piece at the two in a ball. The young turtle sprinted out the room and began doing the same thing to everyone else. “This is what you wearing.” To not waste time, he only threw shorts or pants (whichever was easier to find, he just wanted them to get dressed) at his remaining two brothers and sister.  “This is what you wearing.” He came back in Mona’s room. Raphael was sitting at the edge of the bed, handing Mona her stuff although she’d rather throw her blanket up over her head. “I got something for you too.” Mikey pointed at his brother from the entrance. Then, he threw a pair of his black shorts at him before disappearing again. “Come on, and wake up!”

“I wanted to sleep in. That was my dream for my 18th.” Donnie muttered to himself. His upper body slouched over till his elbows hit his knees. Sitting at the edge of the bed and contemplating why he was listening to Michelangelo in the first place kept him there wondering how long he would choose to sit there till he got up. I mean, dude’s tired. Why don’t we not get up and just sit here like this. This is fine.

“Wellllll MLK,” Mikey stuck his head out from under the doorway. “that don’t fit into mine! C’mon! Get up! Angel finna be here to turn up so get up.” The turtle scooted to his room to do whatever else he could to make the morning more obnoxious. Before he disappeared, he gave a little hip swinging dance with his arms above his head and swung them abruptly. “My best friend finna- get up right now!”

Leonardo got up first (surprise, surprise).  He hopped off the steps from the hallway and towards the kitchen.

“Sensei!” He called. Dad!” A little louder. Nothing came back. Not a word or a subtle appearance.

“Ah, he left to go shoppin’.” He jumped when Michelangelo grabbed his shoulder and hung off of his older brother. His weight pushed him forward into a stumble.

“Getting stuff for us? I’d hate for him to go alone and carrying stuff around.” As he should. Aside from being a mutant, sensei was getting up in his years every year. Yes, he could definitely take on his sons easily (less as time goes on), but a son worries about his father just as much as the other way around.

“He got picked up by Casey. Don’t worry, Angel came too so they’ll have some muscle.” He winked and gave him a knowing click of the tongue before pushing down on his shoulder to jump off of him. The eldest brother smirked and followed the family into the kitchen.

Donnie and Venus were promptly joined by Michelangelo at the table. When Leonardo walked in, Mona Lisa sat atop the counter as she watched Raphael open up the kitchen cabinet.

“We did it boys.” Raphael spoke loudly which startled the crowd. 

“Huh?” Donnie placed one earbud over his ears to dampen his tone. The rebel turtle closed the cabinet he was getting into and pulled out a new box of Lucky Charms.

“We actually lived for another year.”  He pulled out a bowl and poured over half of it inside. He was a growing boy afterall.

“For real, the stuff we be doing I’m surprised myself.” Mona nodded in agreement, then took the box and grabbed a handful of the cereal before stuffing herself. Raphael began to list as he ventured over to the fridge:

“Guns, thugs, poison gas, evil magicians-.”

“ alien invasions, manhunts, robots, and potential health concerns…” Venus finished before getting a collection of confused stares. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t eat too much pizza.” She pointed directly to Michelangelo. The turtle felt attacked as he gasped softly while clutching his chest. However, the air hung for only so long until the family agreed.

“You right.” They agreed in differed responses.

“Speaking of….!” He sang. In no time he tiptoed away with his back arch backwards slightly. “I’m gonna go dial the place to serve the ‘death of me’.” The young turtle picked up his phone and began dialing but not before sticking his tongue out at his so-called “family”.

“I’m gonna use the livingroom to meditate for a sec. That alright?” Leonardo asked as he got to fixing himself a kettle of tea.

“Sure, go for it.”

“I was gonna back back for a nap anyways.” At the end of his sentence, Raphael yawned. His hands went over his face and rubbed his brows up and down, avoiding to keep his nose out of his bowl.

“Me too.” Mona added. Michelangelo yelled: “Ya nasties!” much to their dismay. 

The clan began to disperse. The lovebirds returned to Mona’s (with that unfinished cereal), the besties kept in the kitchen, Mikey was still on the phone with the pizza people (which is crazy since they’re open in the morning anyways), and Leo took himself to the living room. The rushing water from the slide was always loud but it had noise-blocking capabilities from the family’s shenanigans as Splinter discovered. The match cackled as he lit it up and placed the flame on a few select candles. It would take time for the aroma to even make a hint of its appearance due to both water and sewer smells, but that was not their job anyways. It was all for the mood. Splinter had so many candles because he would often stare into them to reach his point of relaxation. The movement of the flame entertained him and slowed down his body functions into a state of relaxation. For now, Leonardo used it as mild stimulation as listening to subtle, environmental sounds kept him in a spiritual state.

He kneeled down on the rug that sat at the epicenter of the arrangement of candles. His legs intertwined with one another as he sat down. To start himself off, he began with deep breathing. The first held breath refreshed him as he exhaled. Inhale, exhale. His system began to slow down and his focus sharpened.

“Lucali! Yeah, I wanna whole pie plus the calzone.” Leonardo’s body twitched. His right eye cracked open and began to search around. Far out of his eyesight, Michelangelo was on his shell-cell.

“Lemme tell ya, how ‘bout you put all the toppings on.” The eldest brother shook his head, closed his eye, and tried to tone his young brother out. “Nah fam, for real, put everything on it. I swear, it finna be good.”

“Mikey.” Leonardo muttered to catch his attention.

“And no anchovies, and I mean no anchovies! You tryna be funny and put anchovies on it and I’m deeming you dead to me.” Suddenly, a tall candlestick holder was hurdled towards the orange banded turtle. He shrieked as the holder smacked him on the arm.

“Michelangelo!” Leonardo’s voice echoed throughout the entire lair, making everything stop and stare. Mikey kept the phone to his ear as he locked shocked eyes with his eldest brother.

“That’ll do.” He continued in a shaky voice before hanging up the phone.

“Please!” Leonardo pleaded. Mikey surrendered and began to back off.

“Yeah, yeah. Do your thing. I’ll join you in a bit, how dow dah?” 

“Huh?” but before he could get an answer, Mikey had already high tailed out of the room. His answered confused him, but he needn’t dwell on it too long. Time to take advantage of the silence. Inhale, exhale. Multiple times needed to bring back that refreshed feeling. Inhale, hold, exhale.

“Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin', Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin'

Scrunchin' their eyes with your name in their mouth and Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin'...” From the moment the music started, Leonardo’s trance was fatally interrupted by the booming of the speakers. His eyes locked onto the weird sight in front of him. Michelangelo was not not alone as he and Donatello danced vivaciously to ‘Lemon’, taking no care to Leo’s previous demands.

“Do y'all not see me trying to meditate?” He asked rudely, but with good purpose.

“This is like meditating!” Mikey mocked.

“It’s our birthday,” Donnie insisted. “get off your high horse and get over here!” The eldest turtle grouched, sinking into himself. He let out a big groan. Then, he got up and joined them.

[christ-brought-me-through]

hey y'all, I'm on my period again and summer walker is playing so lets get it

So it’s been a minute since I've seen or had any contact with him. I’m glad, but as you can probably guess, I’m feeling some type of way about it again (my period truly is a raggedy bitch). So basically I got my feelings hurt recently because I was creeping on their twitters for no apparent reason at all. Now I thought he didn't claim her online because that's just the type of whore he is but on the contrary, he actually does. I saw a few exchanges between them and he even addressed her as “his girl”. I ain’t gon lie that shit hurt but it is what it is. He wants to act “right” by her after doing me so dirty, *pssh* whatever. I just need to stay in my lane and not worry about them because the more I do, the more hurt I'll be. He has no way to contact me other than text messages (I have him blocked on all social media) and I have a feeling that he isn't bold enough to text me. And if he does I’m literally going to straight out ask him what he wants because there is nothing for us to talk about. We have to work together on future projects and I don't know how that’ll happen without us getting close because I know the type of personality he has. But we shall see. I just know one thing, things can never go back to the way they used to.

Reflection:

Looking back at this day, I 1000000% feel for 19 year old babygirl. At 23, I'm just now being able to control my EXTREME mood swings when it comes to my cycle. And can we please talk about how we're literally on our periods 3 out of 4 weeks of the month?! -_- Like cmon bruh, of course I'm gon be tweakin. And it didn't help one bit that no one person in my family talked about this stuff (most likely due to ignorance and misogyny regarding the topic) growing up, so I had to figure this out all on my own. When my period decided to make her grand appearance, I was 12 years old in the 7th grade, and the only conversations I had with the women in my family were surrounding the biased preferences of pads as opposed to tampons and keeping myself clean so I don't stink... Not a drop of information was given about the changes my body would be going through as the months progressed. Especially with me getting older and cycles changing right along with you, as you age and develop. WHY AM I STILL GETTING MONTHLY ACNE AT 23?!! *ahem* Excuse me. The lack of preparation for such a huge milestone in my life apparently still gets me riled up.

It also didn't help that I would amplify the depression by listening to heart-wrenching music, in the dark, after isolating myself from those who cared about me. But hey, #whattayagonnadoaboutit?? It's what happens when you're the eldest that just so happens to be raised by the media because "you're so mature for your age"; i.e "we don't have to properly raise you because you're already ahead of where we were, at your age". *eye roll* To be able to be a kid, with an actual childhood that wasn't ripped away at such a young age, I'd be living such a different life right now.

The way society glamorizes adulthood in children's movies and television shows is a sick ploy to get children to literally give their souls and innocence to the closest adult, so said adult feels temporary relief from the "impending doom" we've all come to know as aging. The fetish behind youth has become so normalized that most people turn a blind eye to blatant forms of pedophilia and ageism. But we'll touch more on that another time.

[mooniefics]

— the hands that beckon me

pairing : zeke jaeger / reader

word count : 1.9k

tags : emotional hurt / comfort, relationship discussion, pillow talk, insecure zeke :(

summary : zeke is finally home, on a brief layover from the war, and you both finally get around to having that tough discussion you've been putting off for far too long.

— originally posted 1 / 21 / 21 on ao3 —

"what do you do while i'm gone?"

your skin was still hot from being pressed over his when he asked, thrumming with a warmth you hadn't felt yet craved so deeply for months. you turned to face him from your place on your back in bed, pressing into his side, peering curiously at his profile. you'd missed seeing him like this, out of his ironed, pristine uniform, hair messy from your fingers running through it, sharp features warmed with the flush of passion, unobscured by his glasses, eyes and voice sleepy and relaxed rather than alert and tight with self-awareness.

"what do you mean?" your reply was soft, almost playful to counter his matter-of-fact delivery, reaching out to draw your fingers across his firm, bare chest.

"i mean what keeps you busy? what do you do for fun?"

>readmore<

the war with the mid-east allied forces had been dragging on for just about two years now, and there seemed to be no end in sight, but after the marleyan army managed to snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat on foreign soil, the news came to your internment zone that the soldiers would be returning on a brief layover as the countries' political leaders decided whether or not they'd be willing to smooth things over in a more peaceful manner.

this afternoon you had been there at the gates with his grandparents, barely able to stand still beside them as all three of you waited wordlessly with baited breath, balancing up on your tiptoes, straining to peek over the crowd to catch a glimpse of him. while others were stood by with looks of unmasked dread—men with clenched jaws and stiff shoulders, women with tears brimming their eyes, children tugging at sleeves and already crying with impatience—you felt an uncontainable joy. it was humbling to look around at all the panicked faces, to remember that not every family had the luxury of your confidence, the almost guaranteed certainty that the one you loved would return. but you couldn't help the blinding smile that broke out across your face as he ambled through the crowd, tired, well-kept, but looking warmly down at you and his family.

you had let him to greet them first, they were his blood relatives after all, but only after he'd finished giving his grandmother a tight hug and exchanging affectionate words did you allow yourself to throw your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder and breathing in his rich scent of gunpowder, pine, just a faint hint of cigarettes, melting easily into his strong embrace. you and zeke had wandered back alongside the older couple to their home, sharing a calm, easy dinner where zeke relayed what information he could to them about the status of the ongoing battle, but you were just itching to have some time to yourself with him.

you'd spent hours cleaning your quaint little home a few streets down, agonizing over every little detail despite how you knew he didn't mind whatever state it was in, just that you were there. and as soon as you'd both said your friendly goodbyes and made it through the door of your home, he was pulling you along to the bedroom, legs having memorized the path of weaving through the living room and kitchen and down the hall to the door on the left.

he was impatient, as he always was when he was tugging you out of your clothes, but sensual all in the same when he pressed his lips onto yours, murmured soft, longing words in your ear, hands squeezing and grabbing, reacquainting themselves with your soft figure. you both didn't last long—how could you when you were so eager—but felt satisfied all the time after everything was said and done, lowering back onto the mattress, flushed and panting, a faint sheen of sweat shimmering over your skin. his question just now had puzzled you. it was simple, but you knew it hid something deeper, he'd never asked something of that nature in all the time he'd been coming back and going away.

"well.. not much really. i go to work at the jewelry shop, have tea with your grandmother on thursdays, wander around the market if i feel up to it, help mary from down the street with her boys if she needs it."

you faltered at the mention of her, not remembering whether you'd seen her husband when you'd met with zeke at the entrance to the zone. you forced yourself not to frown. how selfish of you, you didn't even bother to check on her before you allowed yourself to be whisked away for the night.

he seemed to notice your sudden dismay, wrapping a comforting arm around you as he spoke, "you mean aksoy?" you nodded. "he made it back on the train alright. drunk off his ass, but alive."

you breathed a small sigh of relief, offering up a small smile at him. "good to hear."

and though his lips curled back in a similar expression, it didn't quite reach his eyes, and you only felt further perturbed by how his gaze briefly flickered elsewhere. "why do you ask?" you prompted, fingers trailing up his neck to rest at his jaw, gently turning him to face you again.

"just curious, is all.."

you could sense that he was lying, but about what you didn't quite know. "come on, zeke, we've known each other since we were kids. you don't think i know when you're hiding something?"

he hummed, the corners of his eyes creasing as an easy, genuine grin graced his features. "i apologize for underestimating your lie detecting skills."

you couldn't help but giggle softly at his words, thumb stroking over his warm cheek, body fitting perfectly against his. he was really here. finally, after all this waiting, he had come back to you, even if only for a few weeks that would surely fly past in an instant.

"i don't really know how to say this.." he seemed uncharacteristically sheepish, grey eyes traversing over your face, onto a far wall of the room, then up to the ceiling for a brief moment before it finally wandered back to you, "i guess you could say it started with me feeling a bit guilty, leaving you here all by yourself."

"i can bear the wait, you know that. as long as i know that i'll get to see you." for now, came the silent addendum.

he had three years left, barely a quarter remaining in his term, but you didn't broach the topic, and he seemed just as content putting off the discussion as you were. your relationship was easy, in a sense. there was never any squabbling over when the two of you would move in, or when he would retire from his position and settle down, milestones such as marriage and children were never issues. but there were days where you wished they were, though you'd never admit it.

just like how you'd never admit to the warm burn of envy that sparked to life when a man came into the shop you worked at searching for a ring for his partner, a spark that inevitably gave way to a cool emptiness settling deep into your chest, swallowing up your heart and balling an uncomfortable lump in your throat by the time you'd helped him choose out just the perfect jewel and sent him on his way.

"i know that, but," he swallowed, licking his lips, "sometimes i'm afraid that you're getting bored."

"bored?" the word felt strangely odd on your tongue, your own eyes blinking at him.

"bored." he reaffirmed, frowning slightly as he continued, "you see other people your age—our age—every day, don't you? when you go to the market, when you're at work, hell, even when you're spending time with your friends, you see people with lives, with structure." you knew the exact words that were coming next, but the impact of them hurt all the same. "people who don't have the thought of how time is running out hanging over their head."

it was you who turned away this time, feeling your lower lip tremble, eyes suddenly watering despite how you wished not to cry. all those complicated feelings you'd pushed down in favor of relishing in your feigned ignorance, of pretending that zeke was just a normal soldier with normal duties who was just lucky enough to come back each time. you'd always politely brushed your friends off when they'd pestered you of the absence of a ring on your finger, asking when you'd have children of your own rather than always being there to help them take care of theirs, you swept their concerns aside with a rehearsed smile because you didn't want to come to terms with the fact that you wanted those things for yourself.

the pill of zeke's looming mortality was hard enough to swallow on its own, all without mentioning how the love you shared was so rich yet so fleeting, fruitful yet futile all at once. you had no words to offer him, but your silence seemed to be enough of a reply, a forlorn, almost remorseful look settling over his handsome features.

"perhaps— perhaps you should search for someone else." you felt your stomach knot and twist, sorrow bubbling up like a geyser from below, biting at your cheek as to not let your shaky breaths spill from your mouth, "you're beautiful, it would really be no trouble at all for you to find someone—someone who can give you a good life. a fulfilling life."

"but.. there's still time left, isn't there?" your voice was quiet, thick with restrained tears, "there's still time for us."

"it isn't fair to you."

"it wouldn't be fair to you either if i left now." your brows knitting together, expression strained as you felt warmth trickle down your face, dripping down your chin onto his shoulder. "do you want me to leave?"

he looked away, hesitating just enough to make more droplets bead at your lashes before he shook his head, drawing a crooked finger across your cheek to catch a few stray tears. again, that disdain at your own selfishness came. he was worried for you, ruminating own his own impending death, trying to soften the blow of it for you at the expense of his own happiness, yet all you could do was cry at the thought of parting with him in any voluntary way.

"you're the one i want." you whispered, sniffling, "i knew what i was getting into at the start of all this, the things that i would miss, the things i would have to give up on, but they can wait. i can't be without you, not if i know that i can spend a single moment longer like this, loving you."

the sun had sank low in the sky, light abandoning the two of you in the dark of your room, alone with your shared, trembling breaths, his frown and distant eyes, your tears and imploring gaze. you felt weary in many ways as you allowed yourself to settle back onto his chest, closing your eyes at the feeling of his arm tightening its grasp around you, holding you close, a silent plea to stay just as you were.

he didn't speak, not another word of uncertainty exchanged, but you knew that he understood. he was here, and as long as that was the case you would always wait, keep turning down the hands that beckoned you, rescind your domestic desires for the sake of clinging to this one rare, importunate, lovely thing you had—clinging to him.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Slipping Through My Fingers

Read here on AO3!

When it comes to his children, Bruce has very few regrets. He loves them completely, scars and all. He wouldn’t want to change a single part of them.

But he can’t lie and say that he doesn’t regret the timing with which each of these beautiful souls entered his life. Bruce has six children, but he’s never had a baby, and isn’t that wrong? Isn’t that a pity? He missed so much of their lives—so many milestones that every parent wants to remember forever but that he’s not even had glimpses of. He wasn’t there for the first steps or the lost teeth or learning how to ride a bike. He missed all of his children learning to talk, missed watching Sesame Street with them in the morning and making soapy mohawks in the bathtub. Bruce missed everything. He missed moments that he can’t get back, no matter how hard he yearns for a rewind. Take him back. Return to him the moments he lost without even knowing it until they’d already slipped through his fingers. Bruce has a few mementos to get him by, but they only grant him glimpses of the years he missed. Dick has a bin of old tapes from the Flying Graysons’ best performances that he likes to watch on bad days. Occasionally he’ll let Bruce watch with him. There’s something magical about watching the young boy in the tapes swing on the trapeze and pull gravity-defying moves, all the while knowing what a strong man that boy will one day become. Jason came to the manor with very little, having to travel light while on the streets. There’s a shoebox under the bed in his old room salvaged from his mother’s things, containing a handful of photos from Jason’s toddler years, a stuffed animal or two, some loose possessions. Bruce used to go through them after Jason’s death, just to give himself something to hold on to. Tim had more than Dick and Jason combined: plenty of photos, report cards, baby teeth, and coloring books all saved in storage. But as much as there was, Bruce still only had glimpses of the real Tim. Every family photo was stiff, like an assortment of plastic dolls. The papers and drawings that have been collected are too crisp, like they were shoved into a childhood folder and forgotten about without a second glance, not even making it to the refrigerator. All Bruce has of Cass’ childhood are videotapes of training sessions. He refuses to watch them, for both her sake and his own. Duke has a photo album he keeps in his bedroom, compiling plenty of baby pictures and family vacations. He’s only shown it to Bruce once. Otherwise, he keeps it in his bookshelf, untouched but for the handful of times he’s visited his parents, showing them old memories in case it will miraculously jog something and put the shards of them back together. The longer it doesn’t work, the less he’s willing to tell. The League of Assassins has an entire storage room of files on Damian’s development. Bruce has seen it. It’s like every move the boy made was monitored and catalogued, detailed without so much as a lick of emotion to remind anyone that this was a child being discussed. There were no shiny milestones to celebrate, only completed stages. No one commemorated his first word or first time seeing a butterfly, but his first time using a wakizashi sword earned five entire pages. If Bruce could go back in time, he would snatch up every one of his children and give them the lives they deserve, right from the start. No pain. No dead parents. No neglect, no heartache, no scavenging on the streets just to survive the night. He would wipe their slates clean if it meant he could stave off their suffering, just for a little while longer. He would do anything to go back.

Back when Bruce was a child and tragedy hadn’t yet torn his family to bloody shreds, there was one Fourth of July on which his parents took him to the circus. Alfred had an open invitation to accompany them, but, being a Brit, he politely declined from the day’s festivities. “I’ll have you know, young sir, that I served as a spy for the British forces and mentored Alexander Hamilton during his teenage years.” Bruce was ninety-nine percent sure that Alfred wasn’t alive during the American Revolution. That day was the first time Bruce had been to the circus. It was a local one, small with very few extravagant spectacles, but his father bought him peanuts and afterward the three of them watched the fireworks in Gotham Park. It was a day that imprinted itself on Bruce’s memory, sticking with him long after they were gone. So when he sees a flyer announcing that Haly’s International Traveling Circus is visiting Metropolis on the same day Bruce has an interview with Lois Lane for some column on America’s wealthiest men, how can he turn the opportunity down? The air is warmed by summer rays, the entire field radiating Metropolis’ natural brightness. The scent of peanuts and popcorn wafts from all sides and the classic tinkling circus music fills his ears. The show doesn’t start for another half hour, so Bruce settles on walking around, unsure of what to do with himself. He should get some photos to bring home for Alfred. He’s always had a fascination with jugglers. After some perusing, Bruce pulls up under a tree, shaded against the thick trunk. He’s just pressed send on the pictures to Alfred when he hears a voice from above. “Hey, mister.” Bruce looks up to discover a boy perched on a tree branch two feet above his head. The kid looks around six years old with black hair that curls around his ears. He’s wearing a bright red and green costume—obviously one of the performers. How a child his age came to be part of the circus, Bruce can’t begin to guess. He’s missing his front teeth and his skin, tan with a honey glow, makes his nationality hard to place. Bruce blinks up at the boy. “Hello.” The kid drops down and catches on the branch with his hands, dangling with his bare feet kicking in the air. “Whatcha doing here?” Now that he’s paying attention, Bruce can detect the slightest accent. Romani, perhaps? “Why does anyone come to the circus?” The boy laughs. “You don’t look like the kind of person who goes to the circus.” “Then what kind of person do I look like?” The boy thinks, swinging back and forth like a cartoon monkey. How his hands aren’t scraped raw from gripping the rough bark, Bruce doesn’t know. “A lawyer, maybe. Or a president.” The corner of Bruce’s mouth lifts. “I’m neither of those things, unfortunately.” “Well, I’m an acrobat.” “I can see that.” “But I do other stuff too,” the kid tells him, “like I know how to juggle and how to walk on stilts and how to throw knives at targets. I’m getting real good at that.” “Are you sure a kid your age should be playing with knives?” The boy laughs. “You think knives are scary? You should see it when they let me play with the tigers.” Bruce arches an eyebrow. “You play with tigers?” That can’t be safe. Maybe he should have a talk with the ringmaster and make sure someone is ensuring that no little boy heads are getting bitten off by mighty jaws. “Oh yeah, the tigers are the best.” The kid swings his body upward, letting go of the branch and pulling a heart-stopping somersault midair as he falls. He lands on his feet without a wobble. “I know all of their names and they’re huge, like they’re this big”—he stretches out his arms as far as they will go, which makes the tigers a whopping two and a half feet tall—”and sometimes I’m even allowed to ride them!” Bruce leans back against the tree trunk, crossing his arms with a smile. “Is that right?” “Yeah!” The kid then launches into a string of chatter, so fast that it takes all of Bruce’s focus to keep up. He tells Bruce all about the circus’ tigers: what breed they are, how many they have, what they eat, what their names are (their actual names and the names the kid gave them; Marshmallow is his favorite), and how his dad once gave him permission to hold a hoop while a tiger leapt through it. The entire time, Bruce can’t help but wonder, is this what childhood is supposed to be like? Swinging on tree branches and giving oral reports about your favorite animals to complete strangers? Is this what growing up is like for normal children? Bruce doesn’t know whether to be envious of this little boy or concerned. He’s so innocent; it bleeds from every grin. There’s nothing weighing this kid down—literally and figuratively—and Bruce finds himself silently praying to a being he doesn’t believe in that it never changes. Let this kid stay pure, untouched by the evils of the world. Let him go his whole life swinging on branches and talking about tigers without a single setback. After a good ten minutes when the boy’s tumbled into a handstand and has moved on to tell Bruce about his favorite elephant Zitka, a feminine voice rings, “There you are, Dick. I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A beautiful woman approaches the pair, wearing an identical red and green leotard. She’s got matching black hair and blue eyes—too spitting of an image to be anyone but his mother. “Come on, sweetheart, we’re supposed to be backstage.” “Sorry, Mom,” Dick says, turning right-side up, but he hasn’t lost his grin. Now that he thinks of it, Bruce doesn’t recall it waning once in the entire time they’ve been talking. She takes in Bruce, suit and all, and plasters on a stage smile, sticking out her hand. “Mary Grayson. You’ll have to forgive my son, he gets excited easily. He’ll talk your ear off for hours if you let him.” But the glimmer in her eye gives Bruce an inclination that she has no problem being an audience for her son’s happy rants. Bruce shakes her hand. “Bruce. I take it you’re the Flying Graysons I’ve been hearing so much about?” “The very same. I hope you’ll be seeing our show tonight.” “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He winks at the littlest Grayson, who beams. Mary ruffles Dick’s hair. “Well, this little robin and I should be getting ready now. It was a pleasure meeting you, Bruce.” “Likewise.” He leans down and shakes Dick’s small hand. “And if you ever come to Gotham, maybe you can tell me more about those tigers, eh?” Dick looks like he contains the sun itself. He’s sunshine incarnate. “Definitely!” He drags his feet when his mom starts leading him away, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “Bye, Mr. Bruce!” He waves his hand like a windmill of its hinges, and Bruce can’t help but return it. Bruce hasn’t felt this content in a long time to the point where he has to stop in wonderment of it. It’s unlikely that Haly’s will end up coming to a place like Gotham anytime soon, but Bruce hopes for it anyway. After all, Gotham could use some sunshine.

Here’s the rest of it on AO3 because I don’t feel like formatting all 7,000 words on here lmao.

[bqstqnbruin]

20 with Vince?

20. *walks in* Hey guys. What the- okay. *walks out*

Happy blurb weekend y’all

You were never a fan of your birthday. There was no real reason, it was just a day you would rather spend following your normal monotonous routine rather than making a big fuss about it. You were past the age of major milestones like 13, 16, 18, or 21, so why should you make a big deal out of another day? Vince tried to convince you to do something the last three years you were together, failing to do anything other than letting him take you out to dinner, something he already did frequently since his cooking was awful. This year, he didn’t even bring any plans up, just kissing you good morning and again when you left for work. 

You go through the normal routine, going to work, doing your job, having lunch. After lunch, you find a box on your desk, Vince’s handwriting on the note attached. ‘I know you don’t want to make a big deal, but happy birthday. Love you, Angel - Sunshine.’ You smile at the box, rolling your eyes at the present thinking it was going to be some sort of gag gift. Opening it, you find a gold necklace, the chain purposefully twisted. The charm was an angel, the body a teardrop cut of your birthstone, the head and wings small diamonds. You gasp at the sight of it, putting it on immediately. 

“Wow,” your coworker, Jen says, seeing the jewelry around your neck. “That’s stunning.”

“It’s from Vince, for my birthday.” 

“Wait! Today’s your birthday! Happy birthday, why didn’t I know?” she starts yelling, you desperately trying to shut her down form causing a scene. 

“I never make a big deal about it, Vince I guess just wanted to get me something,” you brush it off, praying that she doesn’t do any more than just wishing you a good day.

Instead, she sits down on your desk, knocking off some of the papers in the process. “What does he have planned for tonight?”

You shrug, picking up the scattered papers, “I’m assuming other than the necklace, nothing.”

“What?” she shrieks, ignoring the shushing that you keep doing. “He’s doing nothing?” 

“I don’t want him to.”

“But it’s your birthday,” she whines.

“It’s just a day.” 

The two of you start bickering, going back and forth about whether or not Vince needed to be doing something for today. You’re interrupted by a delivery person standing over you, a bouquet of your favorite flowers with our name on them. ‘Don’t come home until 5 pm - Sunshine’

“Who’s Sunshine?” Jen asks, reading over your shoulder.

“Vince. Can I please work now? I need something to do until I’m allowed to go home. 

She leaves you at your desk, finally some peace for you to panic over what he could possibly be planning for the night. You weren’t keen on surprises, and knowing Vince, that was exactly what he had planned. 

Close to five, leaving the office, you call Vince. “Whoever is in our home better leave before I get there.”

“I can’t believe you’re kicking me out of our home when I didn’t do anything wrong this time.” 

“Vince,” you whine, getting in your car. 

“Can’t you just trust me?” he asks. You swear you heard someone shush someone else in the background, groaning at the idea of the surprise party he was clearly throwing you. He probably invited his teammates, they would get drunk, and then you would be left cleaning up the next morning before work while Vince stayed in bed hung over. 

“I guess,” you say, “I’m a few minutes away.”

“Love you, Angel,” he says. 

“Love you, Sunshine.” 

You pull up to your home, Sammy’s car parked a little bit down the street, Jen’s not far behind his. Both of them had to be there. This was a surprise party. It had to be. Vince was so bad at planning things well that he couldn’t even plan a simple surprise party without you figuring it out from the slightest tip. You gather your stuff from your back seat, going up. You take a deep breath, unlocking the door. “Hey, Vince,” you say, only to be interrupted by some of yours and Vince’s friends yelling surprise, Vince appearing sheepishly from behind the door. “What the- okay,” you say, turning around to leave.

“No, no, no, come on. It’s small,” Vince says, taking your stuff from you and bringing you back inside. “It’s the people you care about the most, and all we’re doing is eating dinner together. Please stay?” he pouts, his lip sticking out as he wraps his arms around your waist, “You deserve one night where everyone you love celebrates you.” 

You sigh, looking at your closest friends standing in the living room, glasses of wine in everyone’s hand, the most incredible smell coming from the kitchen which told you Vince ordered dinner from somewhere he probably knows you love. “Fine,” you say, him pressing a kiss to your cheek, “This is the only birthday you’re allowed to do this for, though.”

“Works for me!” he says, leading you to the table that was covered in your favorite foods. Your friends had all brought small presents, Jen buying you your favorite wine because Vince apparently didn’t think to tell her about the party until earlier that day, after your conversation at your desk, Sammy got you a shirsy they had Blais written on the back to spite Vince, along with a gift card so you and Vince could have dinner at your favorite restaurant, John getting you a signed copy of one of Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook, Natalie got you tickets to see the Cardinals play the Yankees, your favorite team against the team that your dad’s family loved. 

Last was Vince, even though he already bought you flowers and the necklace, he slid one last box in front of you. A small, velvet box that held a diamond ring, the diamond bigger than the ones in the necklace. “What is this?” 

“I wanted a way to make your birthday a little more enjoyable, so what better way than asking you to marry me in front of those who loved you most.” 

“You’re proposing?” you ask, completely shocked.

“I thought I was the dumb one,” he laughs, earning a swat on the hand from you while he holds up the ring in front of you, “What do you say?”

“Of course,” you tell him, your friends screaming as Vince slides the ring on your finger.

[hobidreams]

Moonlit Throne historical clarifications/references

i want to accurately represent the history from the joseon era, but sometimes for the sake of story/ease of accessibility, things had to be minorly changed. the following is a list of creative choices/changes i make in the writing of Moonlit Throne, as well as further information about the history/culture that i’ve found through my own research 💓 i hope this can also provide some more context for those interested. this list is to be updated as the series progresses so i always recommend you read the latest drabble before checking for more info here for risk of spoilers. please correct me if i get any info wrong!!

for even more information about the world, check out the tag #moonlit history!

last updated: after drabble 43!

new information for the latest drabble will be under the moon.

king gwanghae - as mentioned in the line “gwanghae flow” & in the rest of the MV, Daechwita was inspired by this historical king & the movie about him. Moonlit Throne is not inspired by any king. any event that is similar is purely coincidental!

topknot - various sources state that only married men were allowed to wear their hair up, though this is often not the case in popular korean media. even though Yoongi is unmarried, i chose to pay homage to the daechwita MV & give him a topknot throughout the series. *** same goes for the blonde hair color!

months - traditionally, they followed the lunar calendar in the Joseon era. but i thought that that would be a bit difficult to explain for modern audiences so i am choosing to use the months/modern equivalents of dates.

yoongi’s scar - i am aware that Scarlet Heart Ryeo depicts the facial scar as a reason that someone could not become king. i haven’t found much on this in the way of historical sources, so it’s not a factor in my series!

uinyeo - aka. reader’s mom, and eventually reader herself. at the time, it was believed that women could not be treated by male doctors due to the shame of showing a man their body, even in a medical context. this position was generally occupied by a woman that was ranked below middle-class & commoner (think merchants/fishermen/etc.) as it was not a very desireable role. reader’s mom, Eun-a, is the head uinyeo, which is why she is called “su-uinyeo-nim” by others.

***i haven’t found any information that says men couldn’t be treated by women due to the Confucius beliefs, so at least in this story, reader helps out the male physicians from time to time.

eunuch - eunuchs were impotent or castrated men (had all or part of their genitals removed) who worked within the palace walls, serving and attending the royal family. they had their own hierarchy, like head eunuch, etc. it was possible for eunuchs to marry & have families of their own.

***Eunuch Kim has a 🍆! it’s just his testicles that were removed.

yoongi’s name - technically kings use temple names that end in jo or jong instead of their given names, but i’m keeping it as Yoongi!!

age - it’s revealed in the march 1858 drabble that Yoongi is officially turning 10 years old that year, but this is in Korean age. his birth year is 1849, which would make him 9 years old in age as we know it internationally. Korean tradition dictates that people age up at the start of the new year (Jan 1), not on their actual birthday. traditionally, they also add an extra year as they consider the baby 1 year old at birth, not 0 years old. to do the math, reader is two years older than him, which would make her born in 1847 & turning 12 that year!

*** the average life expectancy around that time was ~35-40, so their understanding of a teenager would be very different than ours, at least in terms of maturity. thus, even though the main characters are relatively young by today’s standards, i’ve written them to come off as older. UPDATED INFO: it seems court ladies could live up to rather elderly ages, even up to 70, so i’m not sure if the earlier statistic was just mainly for men.

birthdays - i couldn’t find any information about whether they celebrated the actual day of birth as well back then, only about 100 day milestones, etc. but it is part of Korean culture to celebrate the birthday in modern times, so i kept it in.

jeonha - similar to mama, this is how you refer to the king as an equivalent to “Your Majesty”. wangseja-jeonha is the full title for the crown prince. usually people just call him seja-jeonha.

women’s rights - how much freedom you have kind of depends on what rank you are. most of the upper court/noble ladies (yangban) are born & raised within the palace. they were very, very rarely allowed to leave (& if they were married off, then they would have to leave with like guards/people with them). it’s unfortunate but they were treated like property, passed off from father -> husband. from what i can gather, the lower ranked women (like the uinyeo) had a bit more liberty about going into town (or at least ive seen in media), mostly bc no one cared about them.... sad truth but truth nonetheless.

king’s authority - even though the king is the ruler of the entire land, he doesn’t have absolute authority over everything. generally kings in the joseon era had to listen to the advice of the court officials if they thought he was making the wrong choice.

Minister Choi’s execution - so actually there were several types of executions for people of different ranks. someone of Minister Choi’s status likely would have been given a less gruesome death via. poison (sasa or 사사). but i’m keeping it as a beheading to pay homage to the daechwita MV!

***i also came across an article that said only royal blood could be spilled on the palace grounds so i’m not 100% sure where the public execution square was located, only that there was one & it was separate from the palace. also a lot of dramas seem to ignore this rule, so i’m not sure.

perfume - this existed back then! along with cosmetics. they were a luxury item for mostly the upper class, but they definitely existed.

Queen Jeonghui’s birthday - fun fact! i borrowed this real life queen’s name first, for drabble 3. then i found out, it just so happens that her real birthday falls in November as well. it was a total coincidence haha. 

OC’s outfit/hairstyle - this is what she would have worn!

palace - the layout of the series setting is loosely based off Gyeongbokgung Palace! if you look at the map, i’ve set the private gardens at #24 (though the position of the island is different than how it looks in the map. it’s instead from the right side going towards the left), Yoongi’s private residence is #25. reader is moved into #23. #26-28 are libraries, which includes the crown prince’s private library.

*** also the palace is much bigger than you might imagine so to get anywhere takes some time & a bit of walking!

jipgyeongdang (집경당) - #22 on the map. along with #23 (below), were traditionally houses for concubines & palace maids before Yoongi moved them.

hamhwadang (함화당) - #23 on the map. where reader lives post December 1868.

sanggung - the highest rank available for women who served the palace/royal family. a woman could become a “favored sanggung” if she slept with the king, but not a proper concubine. normally from the “commoner” class.

sangmin - “commoner” class. made up about 80% of joseon’s people. were the farmers, fishermen, laborers, etc. these were the people that paid taxes and were ruled over by the nobles!

cheonmin - the rank below commoner, described in English as “vulgar commoner.” the upper classes considered these people “unclean.” among their numbers were butchers, sex workers, performers, shoemakers, and yes, uinyeo. they were normally given little to no respect at all within society.

concubine - women that had the honor of sleeping with the king. concubines had their own ranks within them as the king usually had many (think around a dozen). more info.

town - from what i can gather, directly outside of the palace is a small town. if you think of the Daechwita MV, it’s like the town that Yoongi walks through when he has black hair. this is where mostly people of the middle/lower class, like sangmin & those below that, live.

chuseok - Korean harvest festival! it means “autumn evening with the brightest moon”. it’s usually celebrated on the 15th day of the eighth month in the lunar calendar. that would put it anywhere around sept 9-oct 2 in our modern calendar depending on the year!

yangban - these are the “ruling class” or gentry of the joseon era. generally means their families own land, are somewhat (or very) wealthy, and they are well-educated. (think Mr. Darcy, for a British equivalent)

why does no one recognize the prince in town? - with a lack of access to pictures & internet, it was common for the normal citizens of the country to not know what their monarchs looked like. generally to identify people & rank, they had to rely on appearance. gold was a color only reserved for royalty, so only the king & his sons could wear the royal robes with gold embroidery. once Yoongi takes off those robes, it’d be hard to identify him from among regular yangban!

jeon - these are bits of shrimp/vegetables/fish/other small things that are deep fried in egg batter!

nokdujeon - this is like a small, savory pancake made with, you guessed it, mung beans!

Chun-ja calling Eunuch Kim “Kim-nim” - look. i’ll be straight with you i have no idea how a commoner would refer to a eunuch. i’m flip-flopping between his title (which i also cannot figure out bc idk which of the 18 political ranks he would be, but not for lack of trying y’all T_T) & his name with the respectful -nim. so just to be safe, i’m going with it.

***i also am not 100% on this, but i believe Eunuchs rank higher than commoners because they work in the palace? which is why Eunuch Kim uses “-ssi” for her.

hangul & hanja - so the Korean alphabet as we know it is called hangul, and it was invented in 1443. in the past, they used to use hanja, Chinese characters, to write documents.

female literacy rate - as related to above, it was rare for women to be able to read/write even up until the late 19th century. they weren’t allowed to learn hanja at all & only around 4% could learn hangul. of those 4%, it was mostly noble women, who received good education to be better wives.

***books were then thus read aloud by those literate to crowds, so people could still enjoy stories.

face - the concept of “face” is very much rooted in Asian culture. in Korea, it’s called chemyon, & is basically related to your reputation + how others see you. you can lose, build, or gain face through your actions or what rumors of you spread. for example, if parents have children with bad grades, they + the child lose face. people should strive to do things to build their family’s honor & face up. i’ve experienced firsthand how people go to sometimes extreme lengths to “save face” as the term goes. basically, if you’re going to do something shameful, it’s better to do it where no one can see. (this concept isn’t going to have a huge influence in the series, at least not so far & i use it rather lightheartedly in October 1865 but i just thought that it’s really interesting + important to know about Asian culture!)

French expedition to Korea (Byeong-in yangyo) - in October 1866, the second French empire tried to invade Korea (or Joseon as it was called at the time) because the king at the time executed seven French missionaries. after several months of fighting, Korea won with only four soldiers killed & 3 wounded (compared to France: 3 killed, 35 wounded). Joseon was able to stay relatively isolated from all the other countries, continuing the practice of isolationism.

gossip - i couldn’t find any laws prohibiting people from talking about court going-ons/battles, though i would assume that it’s punishable if you’re doing it to talk badly about the king. but even if there were laws in place, word gets around, as word tends to do. therefore, i’ve given Eunuch Kim a bit more freedom in his letters.

royal funerals - it could actually take up to 5 months for the coffin to begin its journey to the resting tomb, but i’ve expedited the timeline for plot purposes!

coronations - these actually weren’t super common in Korea or Asia in general, but it did happen once in the 1700s for King Yeongjo. i’m using that as inspiration for Yoongi’s crowning.

*** also i couldn’t find info on the exact wording that King Yeongjo used when he announced his succession to his deceased brother’s body so... i took some creative license there.

gama - how yangban & up women travelled, carried by their servants. here’s a visual!

the royal engagement - actually, Beom-su would not have lived within the palace walls. she would have lived in a detached palace that was further away from the main palace, and there would be a whole procession where the king goes to her during their wedding rites. however, i’ve seen several dramas have the bride-to-be hang around a lot, which seems to be true because she would have had to learn the customs of the palace, so i’m not sure how much she would have been around realistically. i’ve just chosen not to address it, like the dramas do.

Beom-su’s name - i chose this name for her because of one of the possible hanja for beom: “犯”, which i would pair with the hanja “秀” for su. her name would basically mean excellent invasion, which i thought was a bit cruel, slightly humorous, & overall fitting. it is normally a masculine name though! 

why are Beom-su’s father’s actions such a scandal? - so all the unmarried women living/working in the palace were considered the king’s property. he could sleep with them if he wanted to, but essentially they belonged to him. by laying hands on the maid, the minister committed a double sin because he not only was he assaulting someone, but he was infringing upon the king’s territory. 

civil service exam (gwageo) - this is an exam issued every 3 years that any man, commoner rank & above, could take in order to enter into civil service. it’s what Jimin takes to enter into the court! i’m not sure what month these were held or if it was just at the king’s discretion (could not find much info)

more on eunuch kim & the re-marriage process

royal tombs - these were often quite far away from the actual palace but looking on maps, i found that there were a few tombs rather close to the palace that people could have conceivably travelled to within a day, over several long hours on horseback!

on natural disasters - yes, in history, natural disasters like floods/earthquakes/eclipses were said to be the king’s fault because he wasn’t a good enough ruler! things like this could seriously derail the people’s trust in the king and was a big cause of concern.

on Queen Jeonghui being in court meetings - i couldn’t find actual evidence that said the queen couldn’t be at these daily meetings between officials. in fact, the real life Empress Myeongseong in the ~1870s was pretty involved in politics and was quite interested in matters of law, etc. so, i’ve decided to allow Jeonghui to be present and address the ministers alongside Yoongi!

Chunaengjeon - i kind of explain more about this already in the drabble itself but if you’re curious, it’s the only solo court dance in the Joseon era and the highlight of the dance is a moment where the dancer mimics a bird perched on a flower and smiles :’) i thought it was fitting for these two. here’s a video of a performance that i used as reference!

janae - there were quite a few different terms for couples to call each other during this time. “janae” was meant to represent wife and is kind of their equivalent to our... “honey”? it was mostly used among the commoners/lower classes to convey affection and closeness. (aka eunuch kim continues to be the cutest)

on adopting a child as a eunuch - the readings i found say that eunuch kim’s children must be eunuchs themselves if he adopts them directly, but they don’t mention anything about this particular case of a eunuch marrying a widow, aka the child is not directly adopted by Eunuch Kim himself. so Han-jae will not be a eunuch when he grows up!

american invasion of korea (shinmiyangyo) - this is a true historical event, as i’ve mentioned in my author’s note for “June 1871.” Americans repeatedly violated Korean soveriegnty and invaded their land, resulting in many, many deaths for the Korean side. they were hoping this destruction would force Korea to accept the trade treaty. Korea did not, and eventually were able to chase the Americans out of their land a month later. the wikipedia page goes into greater detail if you’re interested, and is a quick overview of the situation.

seong-min’s living situation - as i’ve mentioned earlier with the whole Beom-su situation, i’ve chosen to not use the detached palace again for this engagement as dramas tend to do.

the wedding ceremony - similar to my reasoning about the detached palace, i’ve chosen to focus on only a few parts of the marriage rites while only briefly mentioning the rest. why? well, while i would LOVE to explain all the details and intricacies of such an incredible process, i feel like that would take a lot away from the heart of the story and be distracting, especially at such a critical stage. so i’ve explained what i can, and given brief overviews where i am able. ofc i adjusted the parading ceremony because of the change of the detached palace custom. if you’d like an easy-to-read source on the whole process, please check out this link! basically the MLT chapter depicts a tweaked vers of steps 5 and 6. 1-3 happened behind the scenes, and i mentioned #4 in the “summer 1871″ drabble.

chungin - our equivalent of “white collar” workers, or the upper-middle class. this rank was made up of low-level bureaucrats, accountants, physicians, etc. some royal servants would also be part of this rank because they’re allowed to enter the palace. there is an exam (chapkwa) to become this rank!

conception dreams (taemong) - as uinyeo-nim explains in the drabble, these dreams were often seen as omens of impending pregnancy. depending on what you see in your dream, there are different interpretations. possible symbols are animals, fruits, elements of nature, children, and jewels. eg. if you dreamed of fruits, it was often considered to be a sign of having a baby girl.

other conception myths - i know from my own experience that Asians often have a lot of superstitions regarding conception and pregnancy and medical things in general. however, i couldn’t find any specific conception myths for the time period in question (most of my research only uncovered superstitions for after you’re already pregnant), so i’ve taken some creative license here, using the conception dreams and current beliefs as inspiration!

on Queen Jeonghui calling oc “dear” - since I prefer not to use Y/N, ___, etc. for reader’s name and just generally avoid mentioning it, it’s nearly impossible for me to convey the tone with which Queen Jeonghui would’ve been calling OC in this chapter. in Korean, she would be saying “[name]-yah/ah” depending on the ending syllable of the name. adding that suffix to the end of a name conveys closeness and intimacy between people. I’ve chosen to substitute it for “dear” to make things sound more natural in English. it’s not an exact match, but it’ll have to do!

[otomeramblings]

And then the Sun Shone so Bright

Pairing: None; Tenma-centric A/N: hhhh I’m sorry this took me so long! I was having a hard time finding motivation to write during these past 2 weeks. But! inspiration finally struck. I originally was gonna make this romantic but then parts of the song gave me natsugumi feels and well, here we are lol But also! I’m sorry I didn’t include Kumon but I haven’t read episode 6 yet;;; Thank you so much, @chewie-santatoast​​!! You’re very kind and I’m glad you like what I put out there!! I hope you like this one too and thank you for requesting~~ 

🎵 Song: Best of Me by BTS 🎵

As Igawa finished sending a message, he pocketed his phone and lifted his gaze to see Tenma still eyeing the rack of keychains in the back corner of the store. The bags with sweet treats they had picked up still hung from Tenma’s wrist as he stood there, one hand on his hip and one on his chin, clearly trying to find something.

After shooting wrapped up, they went to one of the local bakeries to buy some souvenirs for Tenma’s theatre troupe. It was something he had taken the habit of doing and while he was surprised by it at first, Igawa was fast to encourage this new development; after the first time, he always made sure that whenever the boy had a shoot out of town or overseas, they would always be able to find a moment in their schedule so that he could buy something he could bring back.

They had been doing some window shopping after successfully purchasing the treats when Tenma stopped in front of one of the stores and insisted on going inside.

If he had to venture a guess, Igawa would say that the object that had originally caught Tenma’s attention was the small bonsai keychain that now dangled from in between his fingers. He couldn’t help the small smile that bloomed in his face at that; Tenma’s love for bonsai, while strange in the eyes of his peers for a boy his age, was actually something Igawa himself had grown incredibly fond of since it was one of the topics (besides acting) that actually made Tenma ramble with excitement. Since he had already had his hands on it, though, Igawa had an inkling as to what he was now searching for.

After a few minutes, and having four more keychains in his hands, Tenma strode towards the register. As he placed the items on the counter, Igawa could see that his hunch had been spot-on. Tenma threw a quick glance his way and he must have seen the way in which his manager was fighting back a smile because he quickly spoke up:

“They would just bug me later if I only got one for myself.”

“Of course, Tenma,” he replied with a small nod. It was an excuse but Igawa knew better than to try to get Tenma to admit it, so he didn’t press for more.

As his eyes inspected each of the designs as the cashier rang them up, he understood what had taken the boy so long when he was picking them. He could tell exactly which one would go to each person just by looking at them. Igawa admittedly didn’t know the members of the Summer Troupe very well, but he had gathered quite a bit of information from his conversations with Tenma.

Next to the small bonsai tree, there was a little white kitten wearing a pink bonnet;

“Dammit,” Tenma clicked his tongue seeing the traffic-jam they were stuck in. “I know it’s frustrating but can’t you let them know that you’ll be late for rehearsals?” Igawa spared a glance his way and saw that Tenma was already typing something on his phone. “Yeah, but that’s not the problem,” he grumbled. “We are trying on the new costumes today and Yuki’s already difficult enough normally. I don’t need to give him another excuse to call me- a hack, oh for the love of-.” Judging from the exasperated tone in his voice and the quick typing that followed, Igawa could guess what response Tenma had received and he tried his best to squash down his amusement before commenting again. “Yuki? That’s….Rurikawa, right? You mentioned he’s in charge of making all of the company’s costumes? He did a really good job for your debut performance.” After seeing the state in which the theatre was, a part of him had honestly been worried about the production quality, but he had been blown away by it and the costumes were one of the things that had impressed him the most. “Yeah,” Tenma sighed before putting his phone down. “I hate to admit it, but the kid’s got some real talent in that department and he has potential in acting as well. Now if only he could do something about that snarky attitude of his,” Tenma complained but Igawa could hear the tint of fondness that hid in his tone behind his initial annoyance.

next to it, there was a pink crown with white and gold accents;

“Is that a new script?” Igawa asked when he saw the manilla envelope resting on Tenma’s lap once he entered the car. He knew Tenma wasn’t scheduled to shoot anything soon but it wouldn’t be long until the Summer Troupe started their rehearsals for their new play. “No, this is one of dad’s old scripts.” Seeing the surprise on his face, Tenma added: “I asked him if I could lend it to one of my troupe mates and he agreed.” “Oh?” “Yeah, remember when dad had to play that prince character in a drama?” He did remember; that performance had earned Mr Sumeragi a couple of awards when he was just starting his career. At Igawa’s hum of affirmation, Tenma continued: “Well, one of my troupe members wants to act in a similar role in the future, so I thought giving this a look would help him have a more concrete idea of what it’s like.” Igawa nodded with a smile. “His acting and his presence on stage still need some work, but I think reading this can not only motivate him but also give him some inspiration since it has all the annotations dad made on it when he used it.” Tenma was using that determined and straightforward tone that often laced his voice whenever he spoke about anything related to acting; it reminded him that despite his young age, he was a professional through and through. One thing that had always been true about Tenma was that he was a perfectionist and someone incredibly proud of his work; because of that, he expected that everyone met the same standards he had for himself. That hadn’t changed after he started performing with Mankai, but the way he went about it when talking to his colleagues was definitely different and he was now seeing exactly where it rooted from.

next to that one, there was probably the most unique keychain of the bunch: a small almost translucent triangle protractor,

“Is that homework?” Igawa asked as he closed the door of the trailer. Tenma paused his furious scribbling when he heard his manager’s question and the guilty darting of his eyes told the answer before he even opened his mouth. “......no…...I’ll do it after I finish this!” he scrambled to answer. Igawa sighed a bit in response; Tenma hated doing his school work and usually he would push him to work on it but since he knew that there was a professional tutor in the dorms that could help him, he decided to let him off the hook this time.

“So, what were you writing then?”

“Oh!” Tenma’s eyes lit up at the question. “I just thought up a few ideas I want to try out the next time we have to do street acts. Some of them are a bit advanced but I think Misumi and I could pull them off.” “Really?” he inquired, sitting across from the boy and taking a sip from his coffee. “Yeah.” he shook his head as he closed the notebook. “Misumi’s talent is kinda terrifying; if we could do something to help him focus more, he could probably be as good as me.” Igawa’s eyebrows shot up at that since Tenma was not one to give out praise freely to anyone. If he recalled correctly, Ikuraga’s performance had probably been the second best on their show next to Tenma’s, so while he was shocked by the admission, he could definitely see where the actor was coming from. “I didn’t know you started putting stickers on your things.” Igawa pointed out when his gaze fell on the notebook. “What? No, I don’t-” Tenma exclaimed but stopped himself when his eyes landed on the stickers that adorned the back of his notebook. An ice-cream cone, a slice of watermelon and onigiri surrounded a bigger yellow triangle that had a few words scribbled on with a marker. Twisting his neck, he was able to make out the words: “Good luck, Tenma~~!! (*^▽^*)”

and, finally, there was a paint pallet with a small brush dipped in green paint.

“Yes, yes, I’ll ask him about it. Yes, mom, I won’t forget. Okay, bye.”

“Everything okay?” Igawa asked once Tenma hung up, his eyes focused on the road. “Huh?” the boy asked absentmindedly as he opened another app on his phone. “Yeah, it’s nothing serious. She told me she wants a copy of the poster of Water Me! since it was our first performance. I told her that they already had the flyer with the picture but she says it’s too small, so I told her that I could probably ask Kazunari to make another copy since he’s the one that designed the final version.” He was trying to act nonchalant about it, but Igawa could hear the pride in his voice, happy that his parents were openly acknowledging and accepting his theatre career.

“It is an important milestone,” the manager nodded and then added. ”And it was a beautiful poster.” Tenma hummed in agreement. “Yeah, Kazunari can be obnoxious as hell but he’s got a real eye for design. All of the company’s posters and our website are a testament to that,” he admitted as he scrolled on his phone. “He’s probably gonna be over the moon once I ask him for a copy.” They had arrived at the dorms so Igawa could see Tenma rolling his eyes in what could be mistaken for exasperation were it not for the slight smile on his face. He had seen Kazunari Miyoshi once after their first (eventful) meeting and in that occasion the older boy had Tenma in a side hug while they took a selfie together and what had caught Igawa’s attention was that despite the fact that Tenma didn’t really like taking selfies with people (besides the occasional fan), the protests that came from his mouth were half-hearted at best and it didn’t take long for him to settle and smile for the picture. After it was taken, he could hear Miyoshi saying he would caption it with “Nothing better than some Ice-cream after rehearsals with TenTen!!”

Each of the keychains had gold chains and gold borders and detailing, making it obvious that they were part of the same set despite the wide variety of designs.

As the employee put them all in separate bags after Tenma told her they were gifts, Igawa couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth nor the fondness that seeped through his voice when he said: “I’m sure they’ll love them.”

The actor just shrugged in response. “Of course they will,” he replied with confidence but his manager could see the redness in the tips of his ears.

Tenma had always been a good kid. Arrogant and too blunt at times, yes, but never with the intention of hurting others. However, being in the spotlight from such a young age had isolated him from his peers and his parents' constant travelling only served to make him build even more walls around himself; be confident and keep your head up, your work is what matters, that was the motto by which Tenma lived his life and that was a big detriment in any interpersonal relationships he could have formed. But now, seeing him fuss over which souvenirs to bring to his friends, the deep mark the Mankai Company left on him was glaringly obvious. 

He remembered the genuine concern he showed when his parents wanted him to quit. It was one of the few times he saw Tenma’s eyes tainted with fear; and at first, Igawa had thought he had been afraid of the possibility that this project he had worked so hard towards would be crushed, but later on he learned that it was more than that, it was the fear of having to let go of the people who had managed to bring down his walls and had put their all in supporting him so he could turn his past regrets into victories.

Tenma had never looked happier than he did now and that translated to his acting as well; he still carried himself with confidence but now there was also a lightness to his steps that wasn’t there before. Igawa knew that Mankai and the Summer Troupe probably didn’t really understand how much they had truly helped Tenma become a better version of himself in every sense but he would forever be thankful for it.

🎵 Part of the song-based requests [closed] 🎵

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose​ was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays​ on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

[soft-sunflower]

Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 12: Part 1

Okay, just when I think these episodes can't get any better than the last, I get CONTINUOUSLY proven wrong! How is this show SO amazing!? Okay, let's start with the recap and my thoughts.

WOW this episode really started off with a bang, didn't it?? I was floored how crazy unmother found out the real Heeseong, her real son, was a serial killer. I was legit creeped out by the fact that he kept commemorative photos of his kidnappings and killings, but what really fucked me up was the fact that he kept their fingernails. So NOW we know where the other sets of fingernails went... I guess Do Minseok kept the ones on the right hands and Heeseong kept the ones on the left hand. Just ughhh ewwww. This is seriously so disgusting. That really grossed me out. So, was unmother going to commit suicide? She held a blade to her wrist and then she looks out the window, and what does she see?? Heeseong... trying to bury a body in the rain. I mean what even??? This whole family has upped the evil factor. If there's any flower of evil blossoming? It's the Baek family.

And who's body is it!? None other than Do Hyunsoo! The man he just hit with his car! I mean REALLY!? He was going to legit BURY Hyunsoo alive??? This guy is the psychopath, this guy is the batshit crazy one, this guy is the serial killer. NOT Hyunsoo. It's kinda funny, I was talking to my husband and I said. "Well, the synopsis sorta got it right. Heeseong is definitely a serial killer, only it's the REAL Heeseong and not the fake Heeseong, which is Hyunsoo." We both were like "Yep. Heeseong IS a serial killer and did it right along with Do Minseok." Funny, that.

He’s so casual like “Oh don’t mind me. Just gonna bury this man I hit with my car alive. Go back inside.” So, ole Mommie Dearest over here goes all feral on her serial killer son and straight up stabs his ass declaring she’s scared of him. You know what, lady? I am too. He’s kinda terrifying. I swear if you gave that boy an axe and told him to go chop wood, he'd turn it around and do a Lizzie Borden on your ass. This family as a whole is a complete whack job.

Oooookay so we're back in the present now, and what do we have here??? Heeseong. Sitting up in his chair and guess what he's doing. SPEAKING. NORMALLY. None of that "I just got out of a coma and I'm slow" speech he'd been doing since last week. Yeeeeah I knew his bullshit he was pulling was a whole-ass act. Okay, so last week, when I saw the preview at the end of Ep 11 and they were all screaming about finding a buried body? I had a theory that it was going to be the maid's body they find, considering the way the crazy mother was freaking at out her wanting to know what all she knew. Now you have Heeseong being threatening with this lady. I'm getting death flags everywhere for her.

Oh look... creepy hospital trash dad is deep the blood cleaning Heeseong's car, phone rings and there we got trafficker man, Yeom Sangchul. Soooo, Heeseong owed him money and dad paid him off to cover his son's ass??? DUDE. What is WRONG with this family!? What is WRONG with these people!? They're legit messed tf up! And can they STOP trying to "take care of" Hyunsoo already?? The constant putting out a hit on him is getting frustrating. "Either Hyunsoo lives or we do." UM. You both are TWISTED old FUCKS who don't deserve life after all the crap you've pulled. Hyunsoo deserves life. He's more human than all of you. You don't, if that's how it's going to be. I'd love to watch them rot in prison.

YAY!!! There's our couple!!! Coming out of Hyunsoo's shop looking like a legit BADASS power couple!!! YASSSSSSSSS!!! And... what's this??? What?? Detective Choi wants a cup of coffee??? Weird... it almost seemed as if Jiwon WAS expecting some kind of Swat team out there to arrest her husband. Jiwon looks confused on what's happening, Hyunsoo is just quietly accepting it all. And when they go inside and Sunbae almost appears, reluctant and hesitant. He even thanks Hyunsoo for being the informant, which I did NOT expect. I knew there was a reason why I liked him from the start. He's redeeming himself.

Haesoo is really stunned over the fact that Jiwon knows the truth about Hyunsoo and who he is. And of course she's in a panic because she believes her brother left and so now would be the perfect time to turn herself in. Moojin tries his hardest to stop her, because obviousy he doesn't want to see her go to jail, but he's gotta stop being so pushy...

Sunbae has a great personality, but when he starts questioning Hyunsoo over the murder he doesn't waver. Hyunsoo straight up tells him he had no motive for murdering the village head, unlike Jiwon who's crying out that he didn't do it. That's right. Because he DID NOT. The look that the husband and wife give each other, Jiwon just looks stricken by the fact that after what they went through last night, Hyunsoo still won't tell the truth. That he was not the one who murdered the village head. Hyunsoo just looks at his wife calmly. His expression is unreadable. He may have just been silently pleading with her to please respect his wishes. This is what he wants. He doesn't want this for his sister.

Oh, Noona... not only was Hyunsoo's past so incredibly traumatic for him, but it was for you too. You've been deeply affected by this because of your overwhelming love for your brother and it's precious. It really is. It's heartbreaking watching him get thrown into repeated exorcisms at such a young age for something that was never even wrong with him. ALL of the adults in his life FAILED HIM. His father, the therapist, the villagers, and even his only friend along with his pack of cronies. They BRAINWASHED him into believing he was a bad person just like his father was, and it's HEARTBREAKING. It's so utterly HEARTBREAKING. I LOVE how strong-willed Noona delcaring she doesn't feel sorry for killing the old bastard who put this poor child through all of this.

They threw things at him, beat him, hurt him... And when they cut to Hyunsoo after being beaten, he just looks dead inside... it's so devastating knowing that they forced him into believing he was being possessed by his father's ghost, to the point that he saw his father's ghost. Now, maybe he really DID see his ghost,  but the fact that he was so brainwashed into believing these things? My heart literally ACHES for Hyunsoo... Noona is right. Moojin is NO better. He turned his back on Hyunsoo when he needed him most. Tied him a tree, beat the crap out of him, stoned him. And every single person in that town FAILED Hyunsoo. Hyunsoo was the only real HUMAN out of all of them. And that is SO DEVASTATINGLY HEARTBREAKING. Because he was so unjustly and unfairly FAILED by people he needed most, EXCEPT for Noona.

Okay, Sunbae knows something is going on. He knows that Hyunsoo claiming he killed the old man and how easily the weapon was found was just TOO convenient. He knows. NOW, I'm DYING to know who this one another witness was that said Hyunsoo wasn't a bad person? Was it Noona? Was it someone else? Because every single person in that village ostracized him, that we know of, asides from Haesoo. So what gives??? I want to know who it was... I'm just gonna place a bet that it was Haesoo who had her brother's back because she was the only one who ever did.

Oh.. oh Sunbae... you are 100% and fully fledged redeemed. REDEEMED. Don't imprison an INNOCENT man!!! I think he KNOWS Hyunsoo is innocent, and the look on Hyunsoo's face... he knows the Hyunsoo and Haesoo's childhood tragedy. My heart just twisted. Sunbae. T_T Sorry, but the fact that Sunbae is letting him go, simply by saying he isn't interested in Do Hyunsoo anymore, and that Do Hyunsoo is a good person... I swear I had tears in my eyes because of the hope in theirs!!! I was smiling and had tears in my eyes just like Jiwon because FINALLY!!! He can live his life, he can be with his family, he can love his wife openly and happily, he can raise his daughter with no fear, and... wait, hold up... it's too damn happy. Way too happy. Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it. Yep. Something is coming to literally fuck up their happiness and it's stressful. It really is.

OH GOD this SCENE. This next scene!!! I cried during this scene. I found myself sobbing because of the pure innocence of this scene alone. Our precious baby girl, Eunha!!! She's back!! And she's running and crying in his father's arms... You can already see the emotion on his face as he stoops down for his baby, and he's crying too... It's like years upon years of all these emotions that were built up and hidden behind iron walls are spilling out of him now that the floodgates have burst. Like he just can't help itself, and it's a beautiful thing. It's so good for him, it's cathartic and just what he's needed for so so long. All the years he spent locked behind that wall, believing he was something he wasn't, it's all been set free. He can FEEL. And he show what he's feeling without being told otherwise. He's free to love.

"Daddy! I missed you so so so much!!"

Oh, little sweetie, he did too. He really did. So very much. All the years he's spent watching you grow and raising you, all of those memories and feelings for you, you precious little angel, are welling up inside of him and bursting out of him, on top of the fact that he doesn't have to say goodbye to his baby girl simply due to the fact that he's Do Hyunsoo. That's why he's crying. From the day she was born, to each one of her milestones and young triumphs throughout her life are so important because he sees it all so differently now. When Jiwon't mother says "She acts like they've been separated for years" and Jiwon remains quiet? Because in a sense, they have. Sure, he's seen Eunha almost every single day of her life, but he hasn't really SEEN her til now because he had a heavy, dark veil covering the eyes of his heart.

He's seeing Eunha for the first time and feeling her with his heart, and i find that so overwhelmingly beautiful. Jiwon assures her mother that it's nothing when she worriedly asks what's wrong, that she's never seen him like this before. And Jiwon just tearfully smiles so gently and so softly at her precious family while they cry and embrace because she loves them so much. It's sweet how Jiwon's mother is concerned for them though lol. I wonder if she'll find out...? And how ADORABLE was it when Eunha told her daddy not to cry again because he misses her? She's such a precious little angel and such a good little girl. His kiss on her forehead was the sweetest thing too. What REALLY made me melt in tears was the fact that Hyunsoo says:

"Eunha-ya, daddy loves you a lot."

And Eunha's arm heart... just... GOSH. T____T And even though she tells her daddy not to cry, you can see him tearing up again as he waves bye bye to his little girl off to preschool. It's so beautiful and refreshing to see him finally finding his emotions and finding his feelings and expressing them so honestly. And his little kiss on her forehead. Just end me. I can’t get over how precious the moments these two share truly are. It’s beautiful. ♥

Wooooowwww, so Jiwon was planning on quitting her job as a police officer??? But here we have Sunbae trying to encourage her to seriously think about this decision, because he's right. Giving up a job like that could have a huge affect on her entire life. And to get to work and work like crazy because they're mad busy lol. Ah, Sunbae.

And I just can't get over Hyunsoo and Jiwon's love. I really can't. I love how holds her hand and strokes it gently with his thumb. She asks "What were you thinking about in front of the store earlier?" And BAM! I was right! He was remembering the very first time he ever held Eunha. I'm sure he probably wanted to cry the first time he held her because his heart was likely overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings, but he didn't know how and he couldn't figure them out. And then he says when he met Jiwon, every single moment of his life was filled with first times and I just... I can't... Jiwon has been the most beautiful, welcoming, warming and positive force in his life. If it weren't for her, he may not have ever began his healing process from  years upon years of trauma. I love the focus on their hands. I really do. Almost like he didn't want to let her go back to work, and even asking her if she'll be alright. Hyunsoo, you are such a wonderful husband to her. Goodness.

I do love how when Jiwon entered her workroom and the police chief snapped at her, Sunbae was quick to step up with the continued story of Eunha was sick and he sent her home, so she's not been made aware of the situation, which is half-true. Jiwon had NO idea that Yeom Sangchul busted loose and is on the run. Now, here's something interesting...

"How's your kid? Who's sick? Your first or second?"

WAIT... now why are they making it a point to show that Jiwon only has one child right now??? Is there... is that foreshadowing?? Could there maybe be a chance that Eunha might get a brother or sister in the future??? Or is that just my wishful thinking and overthinking it because the police chief just doesn't know enough about her as a person and that's what they're showing us? Hmmm... Well, here's hoping we get that happy ending with Jiwon pregnant and them having a new baby! *fingers crossed* lol Sorry. Just some Hyunsoo/Jiwon fanwishes. Anyway... I got a good chuckle out of the chief trying to cover his ass by passing out energy drink packets and of course Sunbae being his hilariously greedy self with wanting two and talking about the chief being cheap HAH! I laughed. And then Sunbae gets a call from Hyunsoo... WHAT!? What is going on now??? Wanting to talk where Jiwon can't hear?

So, Hyunsoo is still sitting at the front gate in his car and he's thinking back to something Yeom Sangchul said. "Think hard about it. Whom did you tell this secret to? Who do you think ratted you out to me?" Ooooo, I think Hyunsoo's onto something, though. I get why he doesn't want Jiwon to know, but hasn't he learned his lesson yet? Honey, things go south when you keep secrets from your wife. She's also a police officer. You do realize that, right? And she's a badass one at that. I get you're protecting her from knowing that someone is out to get you, but you gotta tread carefully love... you don't want to break trust between the two of you. You need her trust now more than anything.

Oh look, there's human trafficking trash man eating and the equal trash son laying in bed watching the news on his tablet. And her comes trash mom. Is he really still going to continue pulling off that whole fake slow talk "I just got out of a coma. Feel pity for me" crap? Please. We know he can speak just fine considering he did it earlier with the housemaid. Can he spare me the innocence? And why does he still seem to have himself convinced that Hyunsoo is going to kill him?? Hell, if anything, Hyunsoo will just want to help catch his ass and have him thrown in prison for the disgusting stuff Do Minseok did with him.

So, Moojin is going to play the noble idiot again once more for Haesoo by looking for Hyunsoo? Well, you don't gotta look too far, bro. He's a lot closer than you think. Also, the more I think about it, the more I'm with Moojin. Not because my heart is shriveling over him telling Noona to stop saying she'll turn herself in, but I agree. Sunbae let Hyunsoo go saying he has no interest in him anymore. If Noona goes to the police station now and outright admits to killing the village head all those years ago, there's also a chance that they'll all find out that Jiwon's husband is Do Hyunsoo. Sunbae might be willing to overlook that fact, but that doesn't mean the others will.

Side note, but Moojin, why do you think you deserve a SHRED of care from Haesoo after the shit you've pulled? Sorry but that got on my nerves. Stop comparing yourself to Hyunsoo and your importance to Noona. Hyunsoo is her little BROTHER. He's family. There's a HUGE difference. Jeez, Moojin. Stop being so pushy and clingy. She doesn't WANT to go home. She WANTS to go to the police station. You have no right to tell the driver where to send her. Ugh he's so frustrating sometimes. I have such mixed feelings about him.

Alright, so Hyunsoo and Sunbae are at a cafe now talking about the fact that Hyunsoo has a pretty good idea of who's put a hit out on him. That he'll give Yeom Sangchul a shit ton of money to kill him. And it flashes back to trash dad trying to talk Hyunsoo into leaving if he gives him 10 times the amount. WHY can't these people just leave him alone?? For fuck sake. Hyunsoo states it's just an assumption, but we know he's not wrong and he won't tell Sunbae who thinks the person is til he can confirm it for himself with Sunbae's help. This treading into some very dangerous waters.

Moojin, good grief why do you keep bothering her? We're all well aware you like Haesoo, but she isn't interested in a relationship with you or anyone else. She's at the police station, and it's kind of sad because she believes that Moojin is all Hyunsoo has left. She shows up and just about outs herself when Jiwon smoothly covers it up by claiming she's here to identify the human trafficking victims since it's connected to her father's serial killings.

Okay, so... I LOVE this scene. I LOVE their discussion on the rooftop. It's excellent because it's just what Haesoo needs to hear, no matter how harsh Jiwon came across, it was necessary. Haesoo wastes no time in admitting that she knows Jiwon knows everything, and that Hyunsoo had a very justifiable reason for living as Baek Heeseong. I do love how protective she is over her brother, and yet again, she admits to Jiwon that she killed the village foreman and not Hyunsoo. Haesoo, no... she does not think her husband is a dangerous person because they just spent the night before talking about literally everything. Hyunsoo told her everything he could possibly think of. Jiwon loves him unconditionally. She does not think her husband dangerous for a moment.

"Haesoo, Hyunsoo is no longer a little boy that you need to look after. He's the father of my child. He's my family. He's my person. Now, he has a wife who will stand by his side... no matter what happens. He told me his sister is a very kind person. Whenever something bad happened when he was young, he was always the first to be suspected. He told me you always went around telling people he's innocent. He didn't care what other people thought, but you were always the one who cried and felt upset about it. Because you're so kind, he thought you wouldn't be able to endure other people's criticisms. That's why he took the blame. He didn't care what other people thought about him. If you turn yourself in, he'll no longer be a wanted criminal. But he'll feel guilty and indebted to you for the rest of his life. I don't want that. So... please respect your brother's decision. And... you should be the one to feel guilty instead."

"I'm horrible, aren't I?" No, Jiwon. You are not. I won't lie, your words were harsh, but they had to be said. This was totally necessary. They absolutely had to be, because Haesoo needed to understand and know the importance in all of this. She needed to know that her brother is not alone. That he has a loving wife and family to stay by his side. Jiwon tells her that what they talked about today is that if Haesoo recognized any of the victims in regards to her father's crimes and that is supposed to say no. Noona cries and thanks Jiwon for trusting Hyunsoo. Because it's what he needs. A wife to love him, trust him and help him. Haesoo tells Jiwon that while she's still alive, she'll do everything she can to repay her... while she's still alive?? Is anyone else getting possible death flags from Noona...? I'm worried. Really worried about her. Like it has me nervous. If something happens to her after everything Hyunsoo did for her... I just don't even want to think about it.