#like the milestones that are normal for our ages. so i guess age is more of a factor for him considering he actually acts his age

[lesbianjonimitchell]

re that post i think the reason why i have so many friends that are 20-40+ years older than me is because my life experiences don't align with those of my peers anyway. i have nothing in common with people my age that is to do with age, so, like, it doesn't matter. and i usually get along better with people that are older because they're less hung up on age and don't expect me to have certain experiences or be a certain way based on age

[soleadita]

Re your tags about the school major.... literally one of the biggest turnoffs for me about majoring in psych was being preached to by a bunch of middle aged white men about white men theories and they all thought they were the absolute shit and I was SOooooo just. Oh I was so fed up by graduation lol

LITERALLY. literally. oh my GOD. (ok so i tried really hard to answer this normally but it ended up being a rant of epic proportions and in hindsight i fear it's only tangentially related to your actual ask but i spent too long writing it so it's gonna stay.)

most of my professors were, thank god, not quite Like That (mostly older white women, which could be frustrating in other ways, but i cannot imagine having to take a bunch of white man psych dudes seriously for that long, holy shit) but boy oh BOY do i have one specific grievance to air.

so my major was specifically focused on child development (which officially spans ages 0-18 yrs), and basically we went through three years of like The Stages of Development (piaget, erikson, freud, vygotsky, etc) and Theories and The Major Studies and developmental milestones and preschool lab, and then in our fourth year, there was one (1!!!!!!) required class that was essentially like "cultural perspectives on xyz." (the titling of the class was absolute bullshit btw. cultural perspectives? as if we weren't already being taught from a cultural perspective. like, ok.)

the specifics of the class as a whole have mostly been lost to me at this point, but the gist was essentially "by the way, all the super old linear theories of development we've been drilling into your head aren't as widely applicable as everyone acts like they are and may, in fact, lead to detrimental assessments of people whose culture and backgrounds and experiences differ from the white upper-middle class cishet able-bodied male norm." (i did, for funsies, dig through my google docs this evening and skim some of my old notes. SHIT WAS WILD. god.) and i just remember feeling simultaneously super underwhelmed (like, yes, i figured this out two years ago and it would've been nice to get more than 10 weeks worth of a class on it?) and incensed (WHY ISN'T THIS MORE CENTRAL TO THE CURRICULUM FOR THE ENTIRE DEGREE?).

it's like. idk. when i wanted a tamale recipe that would taste close to my grandma's, i googled it in spanish, bc when i google it in english i get assaulted by white lady food blogs. but googling in spanish gives vastly different (and much more helpful) results. and that's kinda how i felt by the end of my degree. like, what would this have looked like if i studied it in other countries and in other languages? what's in their textbooks? who are the other scholars? and that's also tricky, i guess, because i get the sense that academia is pretty gatekept across the board, and it's not like going to other places is gonna change that necessarily? but still. other non-us-centric perspectives at the fucking least.

and the thing that kills me is like...wouldn't this be so much more exciting if we could pick this apart and examine it from multiple angles? and wouldn't you be equipping these future teachers or occupational therapists or social workers etc etc so much better? and wouldn't your research be stronger? and wouldn't you be able to better understand and serve and care for the children and families you're trying to work with? and how are you content to sit in your tenured position and teach the same shit quarter after quarter when you know there's SO MUCH MORE TO THE PUZZLE that you're NOT LOOKING AT?

ANYWAY. this is so far removed from the original point. i'm so sorry. i just love bitching and commiserating about shit like this. <3

[firespirited]

I think for a lot of people who'd experienced one or several small or large scale "end of the world" moments before 2020, it's been, not so much validating but slightly less isolating I guess, to have everyone have a small understanding of the loneliness of isolation, fear of dying from a cold or grief for systems you thought were built for the public but do not serve the public.

Before the pandemic, I'd find myself bonding with people who'd been through a disaster long before we ever talked about our backgrounds. For some it was a house fire or losing a sibling to leukaemia, others it was interpersonal violence, generational trauma, mental illness, horrid experiences with police or CPS or immigration. What we had in common was that we all knew, often from a young age, that life is deeply unfair and there is no "just world" where you can be good enough to earn safety.

Now I feel like there are more who get it, even if only partially and it's easier to spot what used to feel like "the normals", like they were 99% of the population. It's them who stand out as just slightly off now, slightly delusional when talking about illness and the weather even if they're trying to act like they're still the normal ones. Know what i mean?

I don't feel older despite hitting a big milestone? i feel like the rest of the world aged up to the wizened children, messed up teenagers and unmoored adults that us oddballs always were.

like does anyone else still feel the exact same age they were in march 2020 like 90% of the time

[twilightpony4]

Backwoods: 2. Bouncin' Around

Nobody really knew when they were born. Splinter had always known his age given the biological qualities of a rat and a person in comparison. Whatever age the boys were was all a guess. They were barely crawling upon mutation; he assumed they were barely a year by human age standards and guessed as they went through developmental milestones. The only way they could determine a birthday was by calculating when red eared slider turtles would hatch after the breeding season. Henceforth, the family would just celebrate their birth on the first day of June because babies of their breed would hatch in the early summer. It wasn’t approximate but it was a time for them to collectively celebrate their new coming of age. 

The sun was out and peeking through the cracks of the sewer. Usually at least one of them would be up in the early hour given that their prime time had become the night when they would work, but they truly listened to the NYPD’s wishes to enjoy their time off from work and indulge themselves for the day. This time, the two usual cerulean-banded sliders were sound asleep in their own rooms. However, sleeping in was a disgrace in one’s eyes, especially since he was well known in this field of irritation and annoyance. The orange banded turtle woke up with a passion as he turned on the faucet water to wash his hands.

“I can’t believe they still sleepin’ when they know our birthday is today.” He mumbled to himself, turning off the water. “I got something for them though.” He huffed. From the kitchen, he grabbed a metal pot and ravaged the drawers for a wooden spoon. With each in hand, he set off for the main hallway. How they arranged their rooms was different this time around as they continued to update their home for the ever-growing children. On the opposite side of Splinter’s quarters, the rowdy bunch were stashed in separate rooms within a T-shape hall. No longer were they in open rooms or up in their circular, lifted quarters, but now a garage door gave them the privacy they wanted when they needed it, much like their old bathroom. They were grown enough for it anyways. However, they normally kept it cracked open up to their calves so that the family could alert them if there was an emergency, but Mikey had a different use to go through. Leonardo was in the first room down on the left side, so his door was opened up first. Every loud, creaking industrial noise a garage can make while being violently pushed up as produced. Michelangelo had no intentions to be quiet at all as he went through and opened up  next. With his door lifted up, Mikey began to scream and bang the spoon on the pot. “Ey! Ey! EY! Wake up! Get up! Get up! Get-Up!” He screamed, then he made a break for the other side of the hall to open up the rest of their doors. “Get up! Get-Up! I ain’t get no sleep so you ain’t gonna get none either!” The last room was Mona’s and he entered hers since Raphael’s large body was missing from his bed when he went into his room. Without fear, he approached her bed and banged loud against the head of his sleeping brother. Due to the size of the mattresses and how they’re able to sleep on them in the first place, his body engulfed hers as his arm pinned her down in slumber. It was actually pretty comfortable for the both of them despite how large he was compared to her. He cracked an eye open to look up. Mona sounded disgusted and tried to hide underneath his body. “Get up! Get up! Get-up-get-up-get-up-get-up-get-up!” Gaining a response, the orange banded terrapin stopped briefly.

“Bro, I know you lying.” Raphael groaned under his forearm.

“Ya’ll just nasty.” their brother replied in disgust.

“I fell asleep.” Raphael defended why he wasn’t in his room for the night. The young turtle ignored him as he jumped over the bed. His foot touched down on the mattress, shifting the two sleepers to that side and growing even more mad than before. No permission, he opened up her drawers and began digging.

“Guess what I got for yall….” From them, he pulled out the recognizable pink garments she wore on a nightly basis. “Clothes! Get up!” He threw the two-piece at the two in a ball. The young turtle sprinted out the room and began doing the same thing to everyone else. “This is what you wearing.” To not waste time, he only threw shorts or pants (whichever was easier to find, he just wanted them to get dressed) at his remaining two brothers and sister.  “This is what you wearing.” He came back in Mona’s room. Raphael was sitting at the edge of the bed, handing Mona her stuff although she’d rather throw her blanket up over her head. “I got something for you too.” Mikey pointed at his brother from the entrance. Then, he threw a pair of his black shorts at him before disappearing again. “Come on, and wake up!”

“I wanted to sleep in. That was my dream for my 18th.” Donnie muttered to himself. His upper body slouched over till his elbows hit his knees. Sitting at the edge of the bed and contemplating why he was listening to Michelangelo in the first place kept him there wondering how long he would choose to sit there till he got up. I mean, dude’s tired. Why don’t we not get up and just sit here like this. This is fine.

“Wellllll MLK,” Mikey stuck his head out from under the doorway. “that don’t fit into mine! C’mon! Get up! Angel finna be here to turn up so get up.” The turtle scooted to his room to do whatever else he could to make the morning more obnoxious. Before he disappeared, he gave a little hip swinging dance with his arms above his head and swung them abruptly. “My best friend finna- get up right now!”

Leonardo got up first (surprise, surprise).  He hopped off the steps from the hallway and towards the kitchen.

“Sensei!” He called. Dad!” A little louder. Nothing came back. Not a word or a subtle appearance.

“Ah, he left to go shoppin’.” He jumped when Michelangelo grabbed his shoulder and hung off of his older brother. His weight pushed him forward into a stumble.

“Getting stuff for us? I’d hate for him to go alone and carrying stuff around.” As he should. Aside from being a mutant, sensei was getting up in his years every year. Yes, he could definitely take on his sons easily (less as time goes on), but a son worries about his father just as much as the other way around.

“He got picked up by Casey. Don’t worry, Angel came too so they’ll have some muscle.” He winked and gave him a knowing click of the tongue before pushing down on his shoulder to jump off of him. The eldest brother smirked and followed the family into the kitchen.

Donnie and Venus were promptly joined by Michelangelo at the table. When Leonardo walked in, Mona Lisa sat atop the counter as she watched Raphael open up the kitchen cabinet.

“We did it boys.” Raphael spoke loudly which startled the crowd. 

“Huh?” Donnie placed one earbud over his ears to dampen his tone. The rebel turtle closed the cabinet he was getting into and pulled out a new box of Lucky Charms.

“We actually lived for another year.”  He pulled out a bowl and poured over half of it inside. He was a growing boy afterall.

“For real, the stuff we be doing I’m surprised myself.” Mona nodded in agreement, then took the box and grabbed a handful of the cereal before stuffing herself. Raphael began to list as he ventured over to the fridge:

“Guns, thugs, poison gas, evil magicians-.”

“ alien invasions, manhunts, robots, and potential health concerns…” Venus finished before getting a collection of confused stares. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t eat too much pizza.” She pointed directly to Michelangelo. The turtle felt attacked as he gasped softly while clutching his chest. However, the air hung for only so long until the family agreed.

“You right.” They agreed in differed responses.

“Speaking of….!” He sang. In no time he tiptoed away with his back arch backwards slightly. “I’m gonna go dial the place to serve the ‘death of me’.” The young turtle picked up his phone and began dialing but not before sticking his tongue out at his so-called “family”.

“I’m gonna use the livingroom to meditate for a sec. That alright?” Leonardo asked as he got to fixing himself a kettle of tea.

“Sure, go for it.”

“I was gonna back back for a nap anyways.” At the end of his sentence, Raphael yawned. His hands went over his face and rubbed his brows up and down, avoiding to keep his nose out of his bowl.

“Me too.” Mona added. Michelangelo yelled: “Ya nasties!” much to their dismay. 

The clan began to disperse. The lovebirds returned to Mona’s (with that unfinished cereal), the besties kept in the kitchen, Mikey was still on the phone with the pizza people (which is crazy since they’re open in the morning anyways), and Leo took himself to the living room. The rushing water from the slide was always loud but it had noise-blocking capabilities from the family’s shenanigans as Splinter discovered. The match cackled as he lit it up and placed the flame on a few select candles. It would take time for the aroma to even make a hint of its appearance due to both water and sewer smells, but that was not their job anyways. It was all for the mood. Splinter had so many candles because he would often stare into them to reach his point of relaxation. The movement of the flame entertained him and slowed down his body functions into a state of relaxation. For now, Leonardo used it as mild stimulation as listening to subtle, environmental sounds kept him in a spiritual state.

He kneeled down on the rug that sat at the epicenter of the arrangement of candles. His legs intertwined with one another as he sat down. To start himself off, he began with deep breathing. The first held breath refreshed him as he exhaled. Inhale, exhale. His system began to slow down and his focus sharpened.

“Lucali! Yeah, I wanna whole pie plus the calzone.” Leonardo’s body twitched. His right eye cracked open and began to search around. Far out of his eyesight, Michelangelo was on his shell-cell.

“Lemme tell ya, how ‘bout you put all the toppings on.” The eldest brother shook his head, closed his eye, and tried to tone his young brother out. “Nah fam, for real, put everything on it. I swear, it finna be good.”

“Mikey.” Leonardo muttered to catch his attention.

“And no anchovies, and I mean no anchovies! You tryna be funny and put anchovies on it and I’m deeming you dead to me.” Suddenly, a tall candlestick holder was hurdled towards the orange banded turtle. He shrieked as the holder smacked him on the arm.

“Michelangelo!” Leonardo’s voice echoed throughout the entire lair, making everything stop and stare. Mikey kept the phone to his ear as he locked shocked eyes with his eldest brother.

“That’ll do.” He continued in a shaky voice before hanging up the phone.

“Please!” Leonardo pleaded. Mikey surrendered and began to back off.

“Yeah, yeah. Do your thing. I’ll join you in a bit, how dow dah?” 

“Huh?” but before he could get an answer, Mikey had already high tailed out of the room. His answered confused him, but he needn’t dwell on it too long. Time to take advantage of the silence. Inhale, exhale. Multiple times needed to bring back that refreshed feeling. Inhale, hold, exhale.

“Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin', Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin'

Scrunchin' their eyes with your name in their mouth and Bouncin' around, bouncin' around, bouncin'...” From the moment the music started, Leonardo’s trance was fatally interrupted by the booming of the speakers. His eyes locked onto the weird sight in front of him. Michelangelo was not not alone as he and Donatello danced vivaciously to ‘Lemon’, taking no care to Leo’s previous demands.

“Do y'all not see me trying to meditate?” He asked rudely, but with good purpose.

“This is like meditating!” Mikey mocked.

“It’s our birthday,” Donnie insisted. “get off your high horse and get over here!” The eldest turtle grouched, sinking into himself. He let out a big groan. Then, he got up and joined them.

[christ-brought-me-through]

hey y'all, I'm on my period again and summer walker is playing so lets get it

So it’s been a minute since I've seen or had any contact with him. I’m glad, but as you can probably guess, I’m feeling some type of way about it again (my period truly is a raggedy bitch). So basically I got my feelings hurt recently because I was creeping on their twitters for no apparent reason at all. Now I thought he didn't claim her online because that's just the type of whore he is but on the contrary, he actually does. I saw a few exchanges between them and he even addressed her as “his girl”. I ain’t gon lie that shit hurt but it is what it is. He wants to act “right” by her after doing me so dirty, *pssh* whatever. I just need to stay in my lane and not worry about them because the more I do, the more hurt I'll be. He has no way to contact me other than text messages (I have him blocked on all social media) and I have a feeling that he isn't bold enough to text me. And if he does I’m literally going to straight out ask him what he wants because there is nothing for us to talk about. We have to work together on future projects and I don't know how that’ll happen without us getting close because I know the type of personality he has. But we shall see. I just know one thing, things can never go back to the way they used to.

Reflection:

Looking back at this day, I 1000000% feel for 19 year old babygirl. At 23, I'm just now being able to control my EXTREME mood swings when it comes to my cycle. And can we please talk about how we're literally on our periods 3 out of 4 weeks of the month?! -_- Like cmon bruh, of course I'm gon be tweakin. And it didn't help one bit that no one person in my family talked about this stuff (most likely due to ignorance and misogyny regarding the topic) growing up, so I had to figure this out all on my own. When my period decided to make her grand appearance, I was 12 years old in the 7th grade, and the only conversations I had with the women in my family were surrounding the biased preferences of pads as opposed to tampons and keeping myself clean so I don't stink... Not a drop of information was given about the changes my body would be going through as the months progressed. Especially with me getting older and cycles changing right along with you, as you age and develop. WHY AM I STILL GETTING MONTHLY ACNE AT 23?!! *ahem* Excuse me. The lack of preparation for such a huge milestone in my life apparently still gets me riled up.

It also didn't help that I would amplify the depression by listening to heart-wrenching music, in the dark, after isolating myself from those who cared about me. But hey, #whattayagonnadoaboutit?? It's what happens when you're the eldest that just so happens to be raised by the media because "you're so mature for your age"; i.e "we don't have to properly raise you because you're already ahead of where we were, at your age". *eye roll* To be able to be a kid, with an actual childhood that wasn't ripped away at such a young age, I'd be living such a different life right now.

The way society glamorizes adulthood in children's movies and television shows is a sick ploy to get children to literally give their souls and innocence to the closest adult, so said adult feels temporary relief from the "impending doom" we've all come to know as aging. The fetish behind youth has become so normalized that most people turn a blind eye to blatant forms of pedophilia and ageism. But we'll touch more on that another time.

[caustic-light]

I already addressed some of this here. Trust me, my goal is not to be antiintellectual here.

The part that is pseudoscientific and that gets repeated again and again and again by pop psychology is that with development of the brain inherently comes function. Say the claim is "at 25 the prefrontal cortex is developed, it's responsible for decision making, therefore we should not let people make important decisions before then, since the brain part responsible for it is not developed."

When in reality this will just lead to a prefrontal cortex that is improperly developed because it could never develop the pathways needed for decision making. This is the lie. The lie is that brain development means the brain just grows the skills associated with it's respecive regions on it's own, rather than everything being a constant process of training and experience and becoming more efficient.

And as such the age of 25 really doesn't mean anything for most applications of life. But we treat it like it's a developmental milestone when the development literally relies on being allowed to make decisions as a kid and teenager.

I read a good chunk of the thing you linked and even that source kinda does this kinda thing, or at least is worded in a way that makes it easy to assume, probably not deliberately, I am not accusing it of pushing any ideas. But look at this excerpt for example:

The person who wrote this seems a little uncomfortably okay with just letting this stand on it's own and accept that a lack of dopamine and serotonin in teenagers that is outlined to have pretty much only negative consequences is just a fact of brain development. They don't ask maybe why this happens. They line out elsewhere that social factors influence brain development, but not here.

At another point they explained how in abstract situation teenagers of about 15+ seem to not differ from adults in decision making skills, but in reality do end up being more reckless and emotionally driven. Which while not explaining how this may be because grappling with emotion is a learned skill, not one the brain develops into on it's own is suggested to be because of brain development. I understand that it would maybe not be appropriate to make guesses about things that are beside the subject of the studies in this way, but again it's framed in a way that lets the implication of "this is because of the development of this and that part" just stand there. Development is portrayed as an abstract thing that happens in a certain way irrespective of the fact that learning and experience is probably the thing that makes it develop. And that is done while discussing how reality differs from the abstract capabilities of the brain.

The source talks about brain development that is influenced by social factors and comes with a weird lack in neurotransmitters that are important for emotional wellbeing. But at no point do they consider that maybe the development they percieve might be impacted by the role of children in our society and that maybe behavior we associate with adolescence might stem from social factors and not the way the brain develops. Or that the way the brain develops is heavily shaped by the social factors around it. They say in an abstract sense environmental factors can influence brain development, but there is no connection apparently that maybe we need some research into how far that really goes and how the things we assume are normal still impact development.

Again, I don't wanna put implications into these people's mouths. They do state on numerous occasions that social factors do influence development. But they do it in such a vacuum and never bring it up when it might be relevant. So this is not absolutely a critique of their findings, it's one of the way they're presented.

We live in a society where it's one of the oldest tricks in the book to ascribe pain and trauma that comes from oppression and abuse to some kind of inherent mental difference. Female hysteria did this. Kids/teenagers being rightly pissed at the situation they live in have it being done to them. We also have data btw that giving young people more responsibility (within reason, which I shouldn't feel the need to specify, but do bc ppl are fucking horrible sometimes) lessens risk taking behavior, which I feel like would have been nice to reference in this source.

To be in this situation, with youth being treated the way that it currently is, and to write in the way this source is written, I find irresponsible. But no, they're not lying. The people lying are the ones who read this and go "Hey I can pass anti trans legislature and defend the rights of parents to be abusers if I make people believe that below 25 young people can't be trusted with decision making" and the people who see young people act out as a result of the situation they're in and use it as a weapon against them.

Brain development is not a lie. But separating it from lived growth and learning and experience absolutely is. And a lot of research is absolutely blind to it's own bias to treat the development of teenagers in our society as representative of natural growth and not the result of our societies constant and institutionaluzed abuse of them. And this is dangerous because the people this benefits are the people who lie.

We really gotta realize on a large scale that the “brain is finished developing at 25″ is not just a misconception, it’s a deliberate lie that is being spread to attack young people, take their rights away and justify the abuse they are constantly targeted by as a feature of our society, not a bug. And to see queer people parrot this bullshit to win internet arguments with 16y/os while it’s being used to make hrt illegal for people under 25 is, and I don’t say this lightly, nazbols trying to pass as leftists levels of intellectual dishonesty.

[mooniefics]

— the hands that beckon me

pairing : zeke jaeger / reader

word count : 1.9k

tags : emotional hurt / comfort, relationship discussion, pillow talk, insecure zeke :(

summary : zeke is finally home, on a brief layover from the war, and you both finally get around to having that tough discussion you've been putting off for far too long.

— originally posted 1 / 21 / 21 on ao3 —

"what do you do while i'm gone?"

your skin was still hot from being pressed over his when he asked, thrumming with a warmth you hadn't felt yet craved so deeply for months. you turned to face him from your place on your back in bed, pressing into his side, peering curiously at his profile. you'd missed seeing him like this, out of his ironed, pristine uniform, hair messy from your fingers running through it, sharp features warmed with the flush of passion, unobscured by his glasses, eyes and voice sleepy and relaxed rather than alert and tight with self-awareness.

"what do you mean?" your reply was soft, almost playful to counter his matter-of-fact delivery, reaching out to draw your fingers across his firm, bare chest.

"i mean what keeps you busy? what do you do for fun?"

>readmore<

the war with the mid-east allied forces had been dragging on for just about two years now, and there seemed to be no end in sight, but after the marleyan army managed to snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat on foreign soil, the news came to your internment zone that the soldiers would be returning on a brief layover as the countries' political leaders decided whether or not they'd be willing to smooth things over in a more peaceful manner.

this afternoon you had been there at the gates with his grandparents, barely able to stand still beside them as all three of you waited wordlessly with baited breath, balancing up on your tiptoes, straining to peek over the crowd to catch a glimpse of him. while others were stood by with looks of unmasked dread—men with clenched jaws and stiff shoulders, women with tears brimming their eyes, children tugging at sleeves and already crying with impatience—you felt an uncontainable joy. it was humbling to look around at all the panicked faces, to remember that not every family had the luxury of your confidence, the almost guaranteed certainty that the one you loved would return. but you couldn't help the blinding smile that broke out across your face as he ambled through the crowd, tired, well-kept, but looking warmly down at you and his family.

you had let him to greet them first, they were his blood relatives after all, but only after he'd finished giving his grandmother a tight hug and exchanging affectionate words did you allow yourself to throw your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder and breathing in his rich scent of gunpowder, pine, just a faint hint of cigarettes, melting easily into his strong embrace. you and zeke had wandered back alongside the older couple to their home, sharing a calm, easy dinner where zeke relayed what information he could to them about the status of the ongoing battle, but you were just itching to have some time to yourself with him.

you'd spent hours cleaning your quaint little home a few streets down, agonizing over every little detail despite how you knew he didn't mind whatever state it was in, just that you were there. and as soon as you'd both said your friendly goodbyes and made it through the door of your home, he was pulling you along to the bedroom, legs having memorized the path of weaving through the living room and kitchen and down the hall to the door on the left.

he was impatient, as he always was when he was tugging you out of your clothes, but sensual all in the same when he pressed his lips onto yours, murmured soft, longing words in your ear, hands squeezing and grabbing, reacquainting themselves with your soft figure. you both didn't last long—how could you when you were so eager—but felt satisfied all the time after everything was said and done, lowering back onto the mattress, flushed and panting, a faint sheen of sweat shimmering over your skin. his question just now had puzzled you. it was simple, but you knew it hid something deeper, he'd never asked something of that nature in all the time he'd been coming back and going away.

"well.. not much really. i go to work at the jewelry shop, have tea with your grandmother on thursdays, wander around the market if i feel up to it, help mary from down the street with her boys if she needs it."

you faltered at the mention of her, not remembering whether you'd seen her husband when you'd met with zeke at the entrance to the zone. you forced yourself not to frown. how selfish of you, you didn't even bother to check on her before you allowed yourself to be whisked away for the night.

he seemed to notice your sudden dismay, wrapping a comforting arm around you as he spoke, "you mean aksoy?" you nodded. "he made it back on the train alright. drunk off his ass, but alive."

you breathed a small sigh of relief, offering up a small smile at him. "good to hear."

and though his lips curled back in a similar expression, it didn't quite reach his eyes, and you only felt further perturbed by how his gaze briefly flickered elsewhere. "why do you ask?" you prompted, fingers trailing up his neck to rest at his jaw, gently turning him to face you again.

"just curious, is all.."

you could sense that he was lying, but about what you didn't quite know. "come on, zeke, we've known each other since we were kids. you don't think i know when you're hiding something?"

he hummed, the corners of his eyes creasing as an easy, genuine grin graced his features. "i apologize for underestimating your lie detecting skills."

you couldn't help but giggle softly at his words, thumb stroking over his warm cheek, body fitting perfectly against his. he was really here. finally, after all this waiting, he had come back to you, even if only for a few weeks that would surely fly past in an instant.

"i don't really know how to say this.." he seemed uncharacteristically sheepish, grey eyes traversing over your face, onto a far wall of the room, then up to the ceiling for a brief moment before it finally wandered back to you, "i guess you could say it started with me feeling a bit guilty, leaving you here all by yourself."

"i can bear the wait, you know that. as long as i know that i'll get to see you." for now, came the silent addendum.

he had three years left, barely a quarter remaining in his term, but you didn't broach the topic, and he seemed just as content putting off the discussion as you were. your relationship was easy, in a sense. there was never any squabbling over when the two of you would move in, or when he would retire from his position and settle down, milestones such as marriage and children were never issues. but there were days where you wished they were, though you'd never admit it.

just like how you'd never admit to the warm burn of envy that sparked to life when a man came into the shop you worked at searching for a ring for his partner, a spark that inevitably gave way to a cool emptiness settling deep into your chest, swallowing up your heart and balling an uncomfortable lump in your throat by the time you'd helped him choose out just the perfect jewel and sent him on his way.

"i know that, but," he swallowed, licking his lips, "sometimes i'm afraid that you're getting bored."

"bored?" the word felt strangely odd on your tongue, your own eyes blinking at him.

"bored." he reaffirmed, frowning slightly as he continued, "you see other people your age—our age—every day, don't you? when you go to the market, when you're at work, hell, even when you're spending time with your friends, you see people with lives, with structure." you knew the exact words that were coming next, but the impact of them hurt all the same. "people who don't have the thought of how time is running out hanging over their head."

it was you who turned away this time, feeling your lower lip tremble, eyes suddenly watering despite how you wished not to cry. all those complicated feelings you'd pushed down in favor of relishing in your feigned ignorance, of pretending that zeke was just a normal soldier with normal duties who was just lucky enough to come back each time. you'd always politely brushed your friends off when they'd pestered you of the absence of a ring on your finger, asking when you'd have children of your own rather than always being there to help them take care of theirs, you swept their concerns aside with a rehearsed smile because you didn't want to come to terms with the fact that you wanted those things for yourself.

the pill of zeke's looming mortality was hard enough to swallow on its own, all without mentioning how the love you shared was so rich yet so fleeting, fruitful yet futile all at once. you had no words to offer him, but your silence seemed to be enough of a reply, a forlorn, almost remorseful look settling over his handsome features.

"perhaps— perhaps you should search for someone else." you felt your stomach knot and twist, sorrow bubbling up like a geyser from below, biting at your cheek as to not let your shaky breaths spill from your mouth, "you're beautiful, it would really be no trouble at all for you to find someone—someone who can give you a good life. a fulfilling life."

"but.. there's still time left, isn't there?" your voice was quiet, thick with restrained tears, "there's still time for us."

"it isn't fair to you."

"it wouldn't be fair to you either if i left now." your brows knitting together, expression strained as you felt warmth trickle down your face, dripping down your chin onto his shoulder. "do you want me to leave?"

he looked away, hesitating just enough to make more droplets bead at your lashes before he shook his head, drawing a crooked finger across your cheek to catch a few stray tears. again, that disdain at your own selfishness came. he was worried for you, ruminating own his own impending death, trying to soften the blow of it for you at the expense of his own happiness, yet all you could do was cry at the thought of parting with him in any voluntary way.

"you're the one i want." you whispered, sniffling, "i knew what i was getting into at the start of all this, the things that i would miss, the things i would have to give up on, but they can wait. i can't be without you, not if i know that i can spend a single moment longer like this, loving you."

the sun had sank low in the sky, light abandoning the two of you in the dark of your room, alone with your shared, trembling breaths, his frown and distant eyes, your tears and imploring gaze. you felt weary in many ways as you allowed yourself to settle back onto his chest, closing your eyes at the feeling of his arm tightening its grasp around you, holding you close, a silent plea to stay just as you were.

he didn't speak, not another word of uncertainty exchanged, but you knew that he understood. he was here, and as long as that was the case you would always wait, keep turning down the hands that beckoned you, rescind your domestic desires for the sake of clinging to this one rare, importunate, lovely thing you had—clinging to him.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Slipping Through My Fingers

Read here on AO3!

When it comes to his children, Bruce has very few regrets. He loves them completely, scars and all. He wouldn’t want to change a single part of them.

But he can’t lie and say that he doesn’t regret the timing with which each of these beautiful souls entered his life. Bruce has six children, but he’s never had a baby, and isn’t that wrong? Isn’t that a pity? He missed so much of their lives—so many milestones that every parent wants to remember forever but that he’s not even had glimpses of. He wasn’t there for the first steps or the lost teeth or learning how to ride a bike. He missed all of his children learning to talk, missed watching Sesame Street with them in the morning and making soapy mohawks in the bathtub. Bruce missed everything. He missed moments that he can’t get back, no matter how hard he yearns for a rewind. Take him back. Return to him the moments he lost without even knowing it until they’d already slipped through his fingers. Bruce has a few mementos to get him by, but they only grant him glimpses of the years he missed. Dick has a bin of old tapes from the Flying Graysons’ best performances that he likes to watch on bad days. Occasionally he’ll let Bruce watch with him. There’s something magical about watching the young boy in the tapes swing on the trapeze and pull gravity-defying moves, all the while knowing what a strong man that boy will one day become. Jason came to the manor with very little, having to travel light while on the streets. There’s a shoebox under the bed in his old room salvaged from his mother’s things, containing a handful of photos from Jason’s toddler years, a stuffed animal or two, some loose possessions. Bruce used to go through them after Jason’s death, just to give himself something to hold on to. Tim had more than Dick and Jason combined: plenty of photos, report cards, baby teeth, and coloring books all saved in storage. But as much as there was, Bruce still only had glimpses of the real Tim. Every family photo was stiff, like an assortment of plastic dolls. The papers and drawings that have been collected are too crisp, like they were shoved into a childhood folder and forgotten about without a second glance, not even making it to the refrigerator. All Bruce has of Cass’ childhood are videotapes of training sessions. He refuses to watch them, for both her sake and his own. Duke has a photo album he keeps in his bedroom, compiling plenty of baby pictures and family vacations. He’s only shown it to Bruce once. Otherwise, he keeps it in his bookshelf, untouched but for the handful of times he’s visited his parents, showing them old memories in case it will miraculously jog something and put the shards of them back together. The longer it doesn’t work, the less he’s willing to tell. The League of Assassins has an entire storage room of files on Damian’s development. Bruce has seen it. It’s like every move the boy made was monitored and catalogued, detailed without so much as a lick of emotion to remind anyone that this was a child being discussed. There were no shiny milestones to celebrate, only completed stages. No one commemorated his first word or first time seeing a butterfly, but his first time using a wakizashi sword earned five entire pages. If Bruce could go back in time, he would snatch up every one of his children and give them the lives they deserve, right from the start. No pain. No dead parents. No neglect, no heartache, no scavenging on the streets just to survive the night. He would wipe their slates clean if it meant he could stave off their suffering, just for a little while longer. He would do anything to go back.

Back when Bruce was a child and tragedy hadn’t yet torn his family to bloody shreds, there was one Fourth of July on which his parents took him to the circus. Alfred had an open invitation to accompany them, but, being a Brit, he politely declined from the day’s festivities. “I’ll have you know, young sir, that I served as a spy for the British forces and mentored Alexander Hamilton during his teenage years.” Bruce was ninety-nine percent sure that Alfred wasn’t alive during the American Revolution. That day was the first time Bruce had been to the circus. It was a local one, small with very few extravagant spectacles, but his father bought him peanuts and afterward the three of them watched the fireworks in Gotham Park. It was a day that imprinted itself on Bruce’s memory, sticking with him long after they were gone. So when he sees a flyer announcing that Haly’s International Traveling Circus is visiting Metropolis on the same day Bruce has an interview with Lois Lane for some column on America’s wealthiest men, how can he turn the opportunity down? The air is warmed by summer rays, the entire field radiating Metropolis’ natural brightness. The scent of peanuts and popcorn wafts from all sides and the classic tinkling circus music fills his ears. The show doesn’t start for another half hour, so Bruce settles on walking around, unsure of what to do with himself. He should get some photos to bring home for Alfred. He’s always had a fascination with jugglers. After some perusing, Bruce pulls up under a tree, shaded against the thick trunk. He’s just pressed send on the pictures to Alfred when he hears a voice from above. “Hey, mister.” Bruce looks up to discover a boy perched on a tree branch two feet above his head. The kid looks around six years old with black hair that curls around his ears. He’s wearing a bright red and green costume—obviously one of the performers. How a child his age came to be part of the circus, Bruce can’t begin to guess. He’s missing his front teeth and his skin, tan with a honey glow, makes his nationality hard to place. Bruce blinks up at the boy. “Hello.” The kid drops down and catches on the branch with his hands, dangling with his bare feet kicking in the air. “Whatcha doing here?” Now that he’s paying attention, Bruce can detect the slightest accent. Romani, perhaps? “Why does anyone come to the circus?” The boy laughs. “You don’t look like the kind of person who goes to the circus.” “Then what kind of person do I look like?” The boy thinks, swinging back and forth like a cartoon monkey. How his hands aren’t scraped raw from gripping the rough bark, Bruce doesn’t know. “A lawyer, maybe. Or a president.” The corner of Bruce’s mouth lifts. “I’m neither of those things, unfortunately.” “Well, I’m an acrobat.” “I can see that.” “But I do other stuff too,” the kid tells him, “like I know how to juggle and how to walk on stilts and how to throw knives at targets. I’m getting real good at that.” “Are you sure a kid your age should be playing with knives?” The boy laughs. “You think knives are scary? You should see it when they let me play with the tigers.” Bruce arches an eyebrow. “You play with tigers?” That can’t be safe. Maybe he should have a talk with the ringmaster and make sure someone is ensuring that no little boy heads are getting bitten off by mighty jaws. “Oh yeah, the tigers are the best.” The kid swings his body upward, letting go of the branch and pulling a heart-stopping somersault midair as he falls. He lands on his feet without a wobble. “I know all of their names and they’re huge, like they’re this big”—he stretches out his arms as far as they will go, which makes the tigers a whopping two and a half feet tall—”and sometimes I’m even allowed to ride them!” Bruce leans back against the tree trunk, crossing his arms with a smile. “Is that right?” “Yeah!” The kid then launches into a string of chatter, so fast that it takes all of Bruce’s focus to keep up. He tells Bruce all about the circus’ tigers: what breed they are, how many they have, what they eat, what their names are (their actual names and the names the kid gave them; Marshmallow is his favorite), and how his dad once gave him permission to hold a hoop while a tiger leapt through it. The entire time, Bruce can’t help but wonder, is this what childhood is supposed to be like? Swinging on tree branches and giving oral reports about your favorite animals to complete strangers? Is this what growing up is like for normal children? Bruce doesn’t know whether to be envious of this little boy or concerned. He’s so innocent; it bleeds from every grin. There’s nothing weighing this kid down—literally and figuratively—and Bruce finds himself silently praying to a being he doesn’t believe in that it never changes. Let this kid stay pure, untouched by the evils of the world. Let him go his whole life swinging on branches and talking about tigers without a single setback. After a good ten minutes when the boy’s tumbled into a handstand and has moved on to tell Bruce about his favorite elephant Zitka, a feminine voice rings, “There you are, Dick. I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A beautiful woman approaches the pair, wearing an identical red and green leotard. She’s got matching black hair and blue eyes—too spitting of an image to be anyone but his mother. “Come on, sweetheart, we’re supposed to be backstage.” “Sorry, Mom,” Dick says, turning right-side up, but he hasn’t lost his grin. Now that he thinks of it, Bruce doesn’t recall it waning once in the entire time they’ve been talking. She takes in Bruce, suit and all, and plasters on a stage smile, sticking out her hand. “Mary Grayson. You’ll have to forgive my son, he gets excited easily. He’ll talk your ear off for hours if you let him.” But the glimmer in her eye gives Bruce an inclination that she has no problem being an audience for her son’s happy rants. Bruce shakes her hand. “Bruce. I take it you’re the Flying Graysons I’ve been hearing so much about?” “The very same. I hope you’ll be seeing our show tonight.” “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He winks at the littlest Grayson, who beams. Mary ruffles Dick’s hair. “Well, this little robin and I should be getting ready now. It was a pleasure meeting you, Bruce.” “Likewise.” He leans down and shakes Dick’s small hand. “And if you ever come to Gotham, maybe you can tell me more about those tigers, eh?” Dick looks like he contains the sun itself. He’s sunshine incarnate. “Definitely!” He drags his feet when his mom starts leading him away, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “Bye, Mr. Bruce!” He waves his hand like a windmill of its hinges, and Bruce can’t help but return it. Bruce hasn’t felt this content in a long time to the point where he has to stop in wonderment of it. It’s unlikely that Haly’s will end up coming to a place like Gotham anytime soon, but Bruce hopes for it anyway. After all, Gotham could use some sunshine.

Here’s the rest of it on AO3 because I don’t feel like formatting all 7,000 words on here lmao.

[bqstqnbruin]

20 with Vince?

20. *walks in* Hey guys. What the- okay. *walks out*

Happy blurb weekend y’all

You were never a fan of your birthday. There was no real reason, it was just a day you would rather spend following your normal monotonous routine rather than making a big fuss about it. You were past the age of major milestones like 13, 16, 18, or 21, so why should you make a big deal out of another day? Vince tried to convince you to do something the last three years you were together, failing to do anything other than letting him take you out to dinner, something he already did frequently since his cooking was awful. This year, he didn’t even bring any plans up, just kissing you good morning and again when you left for work. 

You go through the normal routine, going to work, doing your job, having lunch. After lunch, you find a box on your desk, Vince’s handwriting on the note attached. ‘I know you don’t want to make a big deal, but happy birthday. Love you, Angel - Sunshine.’ You smile at the box, rolling your eyes at the present thinking it was going to be some sort of gag gift. Opening it, you find a gold necklace, the chain purposefully twisted. The charm was an angel, the body a teardrop cut of your birthstone, the head and wings small diamonds. You gasp at the sight of it, putting it on immediately. 

“Wow,” your coworker, Jen says, seeing the jewelry around your neck. “That’s stunning.”

“It’s from Vince, for my birthday.” 

“Wait! Today’s your birthday! Happy birthday, why didn’t I know?” she starts yelling, you desperately trying to shut her down form causing a scene. 

“I never make a big deal about it, Vince I guess just wanted to get me something,” you brush it off, praying that she doesn’t do any more than just wishing you a good day.

Instead, she sits down on your desk, knocking off some of the papers in the process. “What does he have planned for tonight?”

You shrug, picking up the scattered papers, “I’m assuming other than the necklace, nothing.”

“What?” she shrieks, ignoring the shushing that you keep doing. “He’s doing nothing?” 

“I don’t want him to.”

“But it’s your birthday,” she whines.

“It’s just a day.” 

The two of you start bickering, going back and forth about whether or not Vince needed to be doing something for today. You’re interrupted by a delivery person standing over you, a bouquet of your favorite flowers with our name on them. ‘Don’t come home until 5 pm - Sunshine’

“Who’s Sunshine?” Jen asks, reading over your shoulder.

“Vince. Can I please work now? I need something to do until I’m allowed to go home. 

She leaves you at your desk, finally some peace for you to panic over what he could possibly be planning for the night. You weren’t keen on surprises, and knowing Vince, that was exactly what he had planned. 

Close to five, leaving the office, you call Vince. “Whoever is in our home better leave before I get there.”

“I can’t believe you’re kicking me out of our home when I didn’t do anything wrong this time.” 

“Vince,” you whine, getting in your car. 

“Can’t you just trust me?” he asks. You swear you heard someone shush someone else in the background, groaning at the idea of the surprise party he was clearly throwing you. He probably invited his teammates, they would get drunk, and then you would be left cleaning up the next morning before work while Vince stayed in bed hung over. 

“I guess,” you say, “I’m a few minutes away.”

“Love you, Angel,” he says. 

“Love you, Sunshine.” 

You pull up to your home, Sammy’s car parked a little bit down the street, Jen’s not far behind his. Both of them had to be there. This was a surprise party. It had to be. Vince was so bad at planning things well that he couldn’t even plan a simple surprise party without you figuring it out from the slightest tip. You gather your stuff from your back seat, going up. You take a deep breath, unlocking the door. “Hey, Vince,” you say, only to be interrupted by some of yours and Vince’s friends yelling surprise, Vince appearing sheepishly from behind the door. “What the- okay,” you say, turning around to leave.

“No, no, no, come on. It’s small,” Vince says, taking your stuff from you and bringing you back inside. “It’s the people you care about the most, and all we’re doing is eating dinner together. Please stay?” he pouts, his lip sticking out as he wraps his arms around your waist, “You deserve one night where everyone you love celebrates you.” 

You sigh, looking at your closest friends standing in the living room, glasses of wine in everyone’s hand, the most incredible smell coming from the kitchen which told you Vince ordered dinner from somewhere he probably knows you love. “Fine,” you say, him pressing a kiss to your cheek, “This is the only birthday you’re allowed to do this for, though.”

“Works for me!” he says, leading you to the table that was covered in your favorite foods. Your friends had all brought small presents, Jen buying you your favorite wine because Vince apparently didn’t think to tell her about the party until earlier that day, after your conversation at your desk, Sammy got you a shirsy they had Blais written on the back to spite Vince, along with a gift card so you and Vince could have dinner at your favorite restaurant, John getting you a signed copy of one of Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook, Natalie got you tickets to see the Cardinals play the Yankees, your favorite team against the team that your dad’s family loved. 

Last was Vince, even though he already bought you flowers and the necklace, he slid one last box in front of you. A small, velvet box that held a diamond ring, the diamond bigger than the ones in the necklace. “What is this?” 

“I wanted a way to make your birthday a little more enjoyable, so what better way than asking you to marry me in front of those who loved you most.” 

“You’re proposing?” you ask, completely shocked.

“I thought I was the dumb one,” he laughs, earning a swat on the hand from you while he holds up the ring in front of you, “What do you say?”

“Of course,” you tell him, your friends screaming as Vince slides the ring on your finger.

[hobidreams]

Moonlit Throne historical clarifications/references

i want to accurately represent the history from the joseon era, but sometimes for the sake of story/ease of accessibility, things had to be minorly changed. the following is a list of creative choices/changes i make in the writing of Moonlit Throne, as well as further information about the history/culture that i’ve found through my own research 💓 i hope this can also provide some more context for those interested. this list is to be updated as the series progresses so i always recommend you read the latest drabble before checking for more info here for risk of spoilers. please correct me if i get any info wrong!!

for even more information about the world, check out the tag #moonlit history!

last updated: after drabble 43!

new information for the latest drabble will be under the moon.

king gwanghae - as mentioned in the line “gwanghae flow” & in the rest of the MV, Daechwita was inspired by this historical king & the movie about him. Moonlit Throne is not inspired by any king. any event that is similar is purely coincidental!

topknot - various sources state that only married men were allowed to wear their hair up, though this is often not the case in popular korean media. even though Yoongi is unmarried, i chose to pay homage to the daechwita MV & give him a topknot throughout the series. *** same goes for the blonde hair color!

months - traditionally, they followed the lunar calendar in the Joseon era. but i thought that that would be a bit difficult to explain for modern audiences so i am choosing to use the months/modern equivalents of dates.

yoongi’s scar - i am aware that Scarlet Heart Ryeo depicts the facial scar as a reason that someone could not become king. i haven’t found much on this in the way of historical sources, so it’s not a factor in my series!

uinyeo - aka. reader’s mom, and eventually reader herself. at the time, it was believed that women could not be treated by male doctors due to the shame of showing a man their body, even in a medical context. this position was generally occupied by a woman that was ranked below middle-class & commoner (think merchants/fishermen/etc.) as it was not a very desireable role. reader’s mom, Eun-a, is the head uinyeo, which is why she is called “su-uinyeo-nim” by others.

***i haven’t found any information that says men couldn’t be treated by women due to the Confucius beliefs, so at least in this story, reader helps out the male physicians from time to time.

eunuch - eunuchs were impotent or castrated men (had all or part of their genitals removed) who worked within the palace walls, serving and attending the royal family. they had their own hierarchy, like head eunuch, etc. it was possible for eunuchs to marry & have families of their own.

***Eunuch Kim has a 🍆! it’s just his testicles that were removed.

yoongi’s name - technically kings use temple names that end in jo or jong instead of their given names, but i’m keeping it as Yoongi!!

age - it’s revealed in the march 1858 drabble that Yoongi is officially turning 10 years old that year, but this is in Korean age. his birth year is 1849, which would make him 9 years old in age as we know it internationally. Korean tradition dictates that people age up at the start of the new year (Jan 1), not on their actual birthday. traditionally, they also add an extra year as they consider the baby 1 year old at birth, not 0 years old. to do the math, reader is two years older than him, which would make her born in 1847 & turning 12 that year!

*** the average life expectancy around that time was ~35-40, so their understanding of a teenager would be very different than ours, at least in terms of maturity. thus, even though the main characters are relatively young by today’s standards, i’ve written them to come off as older. UPDATED INFO: it seems court ladies could live up to rather elderly ages, even up to 70, so i’m not sure if the earlier statistic was just mainly for men.

birthdays - i couldn’t find any information about whether they celebrated the actual day of birth as well back then, only about 100 day milestones, etc. but it is part of Korean culture to celebrate the birthday in modern times, so i kept it in.

jeonha - similar to mama, this is how you refer to the king as an equivalent to “Your Majesty”. wangseja-jeonha is the full title for the crown prince. usually people just call him seja-jeonha.

women’s rights - how much freedom you have kind of depends on what rank you are. most of the upper court/noble ladies (yangban) are born & raised within the palace. they were very, very rarely allowed to leave (& if they were married off, then they would have to leave with like guards/people with them). it’s unfortunate but they were treated like property, passed off from father -> husband. from what i can gather, the lower ranked women (like the uinyeo) had a bit more liberty about going into town (or at least ive seen in media), mostly bc no one cared about them.... sad truth but truth nonetheless.

king’s authority - even though the king is the ruler of the entire land, he doesn’t have absolute authority over everything. generally kings in the joseon era had to listen to the advice of the court officials if they thought he was making the wrong choice.

Minister Choi’s execution - so actually there were several types of executions for people of different ranks. someone of Minister Choi’s status likely would have been given a less gruesome death via. poison (sasa or 사사). but i’m keeping it as a beheading to pay homage to the daechwita MV!

***i also came across an article that said only royal blood could be spilled on the palace grounds so i’m not 100% sure where the public execution square was located, only that there was one & it was separate from the palace. also a lot of dramas seem to ignore this rule, so i’m not sure.

perfume - this existed back then! along with cosmetics. they were a luxury item for mostly the upper class, but they definitely existed.

Queen Jeonghui’s birthday - fun fact! i borrowed this real life queen’s name first, for drabble 3. then i found out, it just so happens that her real birthday falls in November as well. it was a total coincidence haha. 

OC’s outfit/hairstyle - this is what she would have worn!

palace - the layout of the series setting is loosely based off Gyeongbokgung Palace! if you look at the map, i’ve set the private gardens at #24 (though the position of the island is different than how it looks in the map. it’s instead from the right side going towards the left), Yoongi’s private residence is #25. reader is moved into #23. #26-28 are libraries, which includes the crown prince’s private library.

*** also the palace is much bigger than you might imagine so to get anywhere takes some time & a bit of walking!

jipgyeongdang (집경당) - #22 on the map. along with #23 (below), were traditionally houses for concubines & palace maids before Yoongi moved them.

hamhwadang (함화당) - #23 on the map. where reader lives post December 1868.

sanggung - the highest rank available for women who served the palace/royal family. a woman could become a “favored sanggung” if she slept with the king, but not a proper concubine. normally from the “commoner” class.

sangmin - “commoner” class. made up about 80% of joseon’s people. were the farmers, fishermen, laborers, etc. these were the people that paid taxes and were ruled over by the nobles!

cheonmin - the rank below commoner, described in English as “vulgar commoner.” the upper classes considered these people “unclean.” among their numbers were butchers, sex workers, performers, shoemakers, and yes, uinyeo. they were normally given little to no respect at all within society.

concubine - women that had the honor of sleeping with the king. concubines had their own ranks within them as the king usually had many (think around a dozen). more info.

town - from what i can gather, directly outside of the palace is a small town. if you think of the Daechwita MV, it’s like the town that Yoongi walks through when he has black hair. this is where mostly people of the middle/lower class, like sangmin & those below that, live.

chuseok - Korean harvest festival! it means “autumn evening with the brightest moon”. it’s usually celebrated on the 15th day of the eighth month in the lunar calendar. that would put it anywhere around sept 9-oct 2 in our modern calendar depending on the year!

yangban - these are the “ruling class” or gentry of the joseon era. generally means their families own land, are somewhat (or very) wealthy, and they are well-educated. (think Mr. Darcy, for a British equivalent)

why does no one recognize the prince in town? - with a lack of access to pictures & internet, it was common for the normal citizens of the country to not know what their monarchs looked like. generally to identify people & rank, they had to rely on appearance. gold was a color only reserved for royalty, so only the king & his sons could wear the royal robes with gold embroidery. once Yoongi takes off those robes, it’d be hard to identify him from among regular yangban!

jeon - these are bits of shrimp/vegetables/fish/other small things that are deep fried in egg batter!

nokdujeon - this is like a small, savory pancake made with, you guessed it, mung beans!

Chun-ja calling Eunuch Kim “Kim-nim” - look. i’ll be straight with you i have no idea how a commoner would refer to a eunuch. i’m flip-flopping between his title (which i also cannot figure out bc idk which of the 18 political ranks he would be, but not for lack of trying y’all T_T) & his name with the respectful -nim. so just to be safe, i’m going with it.

***i also am not 100% on this, but i believe Eunuchs rank higher than commoners because they work in the palace? which is why Eunuch Kim uses “-ssi” for her.

hangul & hanja - so the Korean alphabet as we know it is called hangul, and it was invented in 1443. in the past, they used to use hanja, Chinese characters, to write documents.

female literacy rate - as related to above, it was rare for women to be able to read/write even up until the late 19th century. they weren’t allowed to learn hanja at all & only around 4% could learn hangul. of those 4%, it was mostly noble women, who received good education to be better wives.

***books were then thus read aloud by those literate to crowds, so people could still enjoy stories.

face - the concept of “face” is very much rooted in Asian culture. in Korea, it’s called chemyon, & is basically related to your reputation + how others see you. you can lose, build, or gain face through your actions or what rumors of you spread. for example, if parents have children with bad grades, they + the child lose face. people should strive to do things to build their family’s honor & face up. i’ve experienced firsthand how people go to sometimes extreme lengths to “save face” as the term goes. basically, if you’re going to do something shameful, it’s better to do it where no one can see. (this concept isn’t going to have a huge influence in the series, at least not so far & i use it rather lightheartedly in October 1865 but i just thought that it’s really interesting + important to know about Asian culture!)

French expedition to Korea (Byeong-in yangyo) - in October 1866, the second French empire tried to invade Korea (or Joseon as it was called at the time) because the king at the time executed seven French missionaries. after several months of fighting, Korea won with only four soldiers killed & 3 wounded (compared to France: 3 killed, 35 wounded). Joseon was able to stay relatively isolated from all the other countries, continuing the practice of isolationism.

gossip - i couldn’t find any laws prohibiting people from talking about court going-ons/battles, though i would assume that it’s punishable if you’re doing it to talk badly about the king. but even if there were laws in place, word gets around, as word tends to do. therefore, i’ve given Eunuch Kim a bit more freedom in his letters.

royal funerals - it could actually take up to 5 months for the coffin to begin its journey to the resting tomb, but i’ve expedited the timeline for plot purposes!

coronations - these actually weren’t super common in Korea or Asia in general, but it did happen once in the 1700s for King Yeongjo. i’m using that as inspiration for Yoongi’s crowning.

*** also i couldn’t find info on the exact wording that King Yeongjo used when he announced his succession to his deceased brother’s body so... i took some creative license there.

gama - how yangban & up women travelled, carried by their servants. here’s a visual!

the royal engagement - actually, Beom-su would not have lived within the palace walls. she would have lived in a detached palace that was further away from the main palace, and there would be a whole procession where the king goes to her during their wedding rites. however, i’ve seen several dramas have the bride-to-be hang around a lot, which seems to be true because she would have had to learn the customs of the palace, so i’m not sure how much she would have been around realistically. i’ve just chosen not to address it, like the dramas do.

Beom-su’s name - i chose this name for her because of one of the possible hanja for beom: “犯”, which i would pair with the hanja “秀” for su. her name would basically mean excellent invasion, which i thought was a bit cruel, slightly humorous, & overall fitting. it is normally a masculine name though! 

why are Beom-su’s father’s actions such a scandal? - so all the unmarried women living/working in the palace were considered the king’s property. he could sleep with them if he wanted to, but essentially they belonged to him. by laying hands on the maid, the minister committed a double sin because he not only was he assaulting someone, but he was infringing upon the king’s territory. 

civil service exam (gwageo) - this is an exam issued every 3 years that any man, commoner rank & above, could take in order to enter into civil service. it’s what Jimin takes to enter into the court! i’m not sure what month these were held or if it was just at the king’s discretion (could not find much info)

more on eunuch kim & the re-marriage process

royal tombs - these were often quite far away from the actual palace but looking on maps, i found that there were a few tombs rather close to the palace that people could have conceivably travelled to within a day, over several long hours on horseback!

on natural disasters - yes, in history, natural disasters like floods/earthquakes/eclipses were said to be the king’s fault because he wasn’t a good enough ruler! things like this could seriously derail the people’s trust in the king and was a big cause of concern.

on Queen Jeonghui being in court meetings - i couldn’t find actual evidence that said the queen couldn’t be at these daily meetings between officials. in fact, the real life Empress Myeongseong in the ~1870s was pretty involved in politics and was quite interested in matters of law, etc. so, i’ve decided to allow Jeonghui to be present and address the ministers alongside Yoongi!

Chunaengjeon - i kind of explain more about this already in the drabble itself but if you’re curious, it’s the only solo court dance in the Joseon era and the highlight of the dance is a moment where the dancer mimics a bird perched on a flower and smiles :’) i thought it was fitting for these two. here’s a video of a performance that i used as reference!

janae - there were quite a few different terms for couples to call each other during this time. “janae” was meant to represent wife and is kind of their equivalent to our... “honey”? it was mostly used among the commoners/lower classes to convey affection and closeness. (aka eunuch kim continues to be the cutest)

on adopting a child as a eunuch - the readings i found say that eunuch kim’s children must be eunuchs themselves if he adopts them directly, but they don’t mention anything about this particular case of a eunuch marrying a widow, aka the child is not directly adopted by Eunuch Kim himself. so Han-jae will not be a eunuch when he grows up!

american invasion of korea (shinmiyangyo) - this is a true historical event, as i’ve mentioned in my author’s note for “June 1871.” Americans repeatedly violated Korean soveriegnty and invaded their land, resulting in many, many deaths for the Korean side. they were hoping this destruction would force Korea to accept the trade treaty. Korea did not, and eventually were able to chase the Americans out of their land a month later. the wikipedia page goes into greater detail if you’re interested, and is a quick overview of the situation.

seong-min’s living situation - as i’ve mentioned earlier with the whole Beom-su situation, i’ve chosen to not use the detached palace again for this engagement as dramas tend to do.

the wedding ceremony - similar to my reasoning about the detached palace, i’ve chosen to focus on only a few parts of the marriage rites while only briefly mentioning the rest. why? well, while i would LOVE to explain all the details and intricacies of such an incredible process, i feel like that would take a lot away from the heart of the story and be distracting, especially at such a critical stage. so i’ve explained what i can, and given brief overviews where i am able. ofc i adjusted the parading ceremony because of the change of the detached palace custom. if you’d like an easy-to-read source on the whole process, please check out this link! basically the MLT chapter depicts a tweaked vers of steps 5 and 6. 1-3 happened behind the scenes, and i mentioned #4 in the “summer 1871″ drabble.

chungin - our equivalent of “white collar” workers, or the upper-middle class. this rank was made up of low-level bureaucrats, accountants, physicians, etc. some royal servants would also be part of this rank because they’re allowed to enter the palace. there is an exam (chapkwa) to become this rank!

conception dreams (taemong) - as uinyeo-nim explains in the drabble, these dreams were often seen as omens of impending pregnancy. depending on what you see in your dream, there are different interpretations. possible symbols are animals, fruits, elements of nature, children, and jewels. eg. if you dreamed of fruits, it was often considered to be a sign of having a baby girl.

other conception myths - i know from my own experience that Asians often have a lot of superstitions regarding conception and pregnancy and medical things in general. however, i couldn’t find any specific conception myths for the time period in question (most of my research only uncovered superstitions for after you’re already pregnant), so i’ve taken some creative license here, using the conception dreams and current beliefs as inspiration!

on Queen Jeonghui calling oc “dear” - since I prefer not to use Y/N, ___, etc. for reader’s name and just generally avoid mentioning it, it’s nearly impossible for me to convey the tone with which Queen Jeonghui would’ve been calling OC in this chapter. in Korean, she would be saying “[name]-yah/ah” depending on the ending syllable of the name. adding that suffix to the end of a name conveys closeness and intimacy between people. I’ve chosen to substitute it for “dear” to make things sound more natural in English. it’s not an exact match, but it’ll have to do!

[otomeramblings]

And then the Sun Shone so Bright

Pairing: None; Tenma-centric A/N: hhhh I’m sorry this took me so long! I was having a hard time finding motivation to write during these past 2 weeks. But! inspiration finally struck. I originally was gonna make this romantic but then parts of the song gave me natsugumi feels and well, here we are lol But also! I’m sorry I didn’t include Kumon but I haven’t read episode 6 yet;;; Thank you so much, @chewie-santatoast​​!! You’re very kind and I’m glad you like what I put out there!! I hope you like this one too and thank you for requesting~~ 

🎵 Song: Best of Me by BTS 🎵

As Igawa finished sending a message, he pocketed his phone and lifted his gaze to see Tenma still eyeing the rack of keychains in the back corner of the store. The bags with sweet treats they had picked up still hung from Tenma’s wrist as he stood there, one hand on his hip and one on his chin, clearly trying to find something.

After shooting wrapped up, they went to one of the local bakeries to buy some souvenirs for Tenma’s theatre troupe. It was something he had taken the habit of doing and while he was surprised by it at first, Igawa was fast to encourage this new development; after the first time, he always made sure that whenever the boy had a shoot out of town or overseas, they would always be able to find a moment in their schedule so that he could buy something he could bring back.

They had been doing some window shopping after successfully purchasing the treats when Tenma stopped in front of one of the stores and insisted on going inside.

If he had to venture a guess, Igawa would say that the object that had originally caught Tenma’s attention was the small bonsai keychain that now dangled from in between his fingers. He couldn’t help the small smile that bloomed in his face at that; Tenma’s love for bonsai, while strange in the eyes of his peers for a boy his age, was actually something Igawa himself had grown incredibly fond of since it was one of the topics (besides acting) that actually made Tenma ramble with excitement. Since he had already had his hands on it, though, Igawa had an inkling as to what he was now searching for.

After a few minutes, and having four more keychains in his hands, Tenma strode towards the register. As he placed the items on the counter, Igawa could see that his hunch had been spot-on. Tenma threw a quick glance his way and he must have seen the way in which his manager was fighting back a smile because he quickly spoke up:

“They would just bug me later if I only got one for myself.”

“Of course, Tenma,” he replied with a small nod. It was an excuse but Igawa knew better than to try to get Tenma to admit it, so he didn’t press for more.

As his eyes inspected each of the designs as the cashier rang them up, he understood what had taken the boy so long when he was picking them. He could tell exactly which one would go to each person just by looking at them. Igawa admittedly didn’t know the members of the Summer Troupe very well, but he had gathered quite a bit of information from his conversations with Tenma.

Next to the small bonsai tree, there was a little white kitten wearing a pink bonnet;

“Dammit,” Tenma clicked his tongue seeing the traffic-jam they were stuck in. “I know it’s frustrating but can’t you let them know that you’ll be late for rehearsals?” Igawa spared a glance his way and saw that Tenma was already typing something on his phone. “Yeah, but that’s not the problem,” he grumbled. “We are trying on the new costumes today and Yuki’s already difficult enough normally. I don’t need to give him another excuse to call me- a hack, oh for the love of-.” Judging from the exasperated tone in his voice and the quick typing that followed, Igawa could guess what response Tenma had received and he tried his best to squash down his amusement before commenting again. “Yuki? That’s….Rurikawa, right? You mentioned he’s in charge of making all of the company’s costumes? He did a really good job for your debut performance.” After seeing the state in which the theatre was, a part of him had honestly been worried about the production quality, but he had been blown away by it and the costumes were one of the things that had impressed him the most. “Yeah,” Tenma sighed before putting his phone down. “I hate to admit it, but the kid’s got some real talent in that department and he has potential in acting as well. Now if only he could do something about that snarky attitude of his,” Tenma complained but Igawa could hear the tint of fondness that hid in his tone behind his initial annoyance.

next to it, there was a pink crown with white and gold accents;

“Is that a new script?” Igawa asked when he saw the manilla envelope resting on Tenma’s lap once he entered the car. He knew Tenma wasn’t scheduled to shoot anything soon but it wouldn’t be long until the Summer Troupe started their rehearsals for their new play. “No, this is one of dad’s old scripts.” Seeing the surprise on his face, Tenma added: “I asked him if I could lend it to one of my troupe mates and he agreed.” “Oh?” “Yeah, remember when dad had to play that prince character in a drama?” He did remember; that performance had earned Mr Sumeragi a couple of awards when he was just starting his career. At Igawa’s hum of affirmation, Tenma continued: “Well, one of my troupe members wants to act in a similar role in the future, so I thought giving this a look would help him have a more concrete idea of what it’s like.” Igawa nodded with a smile. “His acting and his presence on stage still need some work, but I think reading this can not only motivate him but also give him some inspiration since it has all the annotations dad made on it when he used it.” Tenma was using that determined and straightforward tone that often laced his voice whenever he spoke about anything related to acting; it reminded him that despite his young age, he was a professional through and through. One thing that had always been true about Tenma was that he was a perfectionist and someone incredibly proud of his work; because of that, he expected that everyone met the same standards he had for himself. That hadn’t changed after he started performing with Mankai, but the way he went about it when talking to his colleagues was definitely different and he was now seeing exactly where it rooted from.

next to that one, there was probably the most unique keychain of the bunch: a small almost translucent triangle protractor,

“Is that homework?” Igawa asked as he closed the door of the trailer. Tenma paused his furious scribbling when he heard his manager’s question and the guilty darting of his eyes told the answer before he even opened his mouth. “......no…...I’ll do it after I finish this!” he scrambled to answer. Igawa sighed a bit in response; Tenma hated doing his school work and usually he would push him to work on it but since he knew that there was a professional tutor in the dorms that could help him, he decided to let him off the hook this time.

“So, what were you writing then?”

“Oh!” Tenma’s eyes lit up at the question. “I just thought up a few ideas I want to try out the next time we have to do street acts. Some of them are a bit advanced but I think Misumi and I could pull them off.” “Really?” he inquired, sitting across from the boy and taking a sip from his coffee. “Yeah.” he shook his head as he closed the notebook. “Misumi’s talent is kinda terrifying; if we could do something to help him focus more, he could probably be as good as me.” Igawa’s eyebrows shot up at that since Tenma was not one to give out praise freely to anyone. If he recalled correctly, Ikuraga’s performance had probably been the second best on their show next to Tenma’s, so while he was shocked by the admission, he could definitely see where the actor was coming from. “I didn’t know you started putting stickers on your things.” Igawa pointed out when his gaze fell on the notebook. “What? No, I don’t-” Tenma exclaimed but stopped himself when his eyes landed on the stickers that adorned the back of his notebook. An ice-cream cone, a slice of watermelon and onigiri surrounded a bigger yellow triangle that had a few words scribbled on with a marker. Twisting his neck, he was able to make out the words: “Good luck, Tenma~~!! (*^▽^*)”

and, finally, there was a paint pallet with a small brush dipped in green paint.

“Yes, yes, I’ll ask him about it. Yes, mom, I won’t forget. Okay, bye.”

“Everything okay?” Igawa asked once Tenma hung up, his eyes focused on the road. “Huh?” the boy asked absentmindedly as he opened another app on his phone. “Yeah, it’s nothing serious. She told me she wants a copy of the poster of Water Me! since it was our first performance. I told her that they already had the flyer with the picture but she says it’s too small, so I told her that I could probably ask Kazunari to make another copy since he’s the one that designed the final version.” He was trying to act nonchalant about it, but Igawa could hear the pride in his voice, happy that his parents were openly acknowledging and accepting his theatre career.

“It is an important milestone,” the manager nodded and then added. ”And it was a beautiful poster.” Tenma hummed in agreement. “Yeah, Kazunari can be obnoxious as hell but he’s got a real eye for design. All of the company’s posters and our website are a testament to that,” he admitted as he scrolled on his phone. “He’s probably gonna be over the moon once I ask him for a copy.” They had arrived at the dorms so Igawa could see Tenma rolling his eyes in what could be mistaken for exasperation were it not for the slight smile on his face. He had seen Kazunari Miyoshi once after their first (eventful) meeting and in that occasion the older boy had Tenma in a side hug while they took a selfie together and what had caught Igawa’s attention was that despite the fact that Tenma didn’t really like taking selfies with people (besides the occasional fan), the protests that came from his mouth were half-hearted at best and it didn’t take long for him to settle and smile for the picture. After it was taken, he could hear Miyoshi saying he would caption it with “Nothing better than some Ice-cream after rehearsals with TenTen!!”

Each of the keychains had gold chains and gold borders and detailing, making it obvious that they were part of the same set despite the wide variety of designs.

As the employee put them all in separate bags after Tenma told her they were gifts, Igawa couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth nor the fondness that seeped through his voice when he said: “I’m sure they’ll love them.”

The actor just shrugged in response. “Of course they will,” he replied with confidence but his manager could see the redness in the tips of his ears.

Tenma had always been a good kid. Arrogant and too blunt at times, yes, but never with the intention of hurting others. However, being in the spotlight from such a young age had isolated him from his peers and his parents' constant travelling only served to make him build even more walls around himself; be confident and keep your head up, your work is what matters, that was the motto by which Tenma lived his life and that was a big detriment in any interpersonal relationships he could have formed. But now, seeing him fuss over which souvenirs to bring to his friends, the deep mark the Mankai Company left on him was glaringly obvious. 

He remembered the genuine concern he showed when his parents wanted him to quit. It was one of the few times he saw Tenma’s eyes tainted with fear; and at first, Igawa had thought he had been afraid of the possibility that this project he had worked so hard towards would be crushed, but later on he learned that it was more than that, it was the fear of having to let go of the people who had managed to bring down his walls and had put their all in supporting him so he could turn his past regrets into victories.

Tenma had never looked happier than he did now and that translated to his acting as well; he still carried himself with confidence but now there was also a lightness to his steps that wasn’t there before. Igawa knew that Mankai and the Summer Troupe probably didn’t really understand how much they had truly helped Tenma become a better version of himself in every sense but he would forever be thankful for it.

🎵 Part of the song-based requests [closed] 🎵

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose​ was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays​ on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

[soft-sunflower]

Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 12: Part 1

Okay, just when I think these episodes can't get any better than the last, I get CONTINUOUSLY proven wrong! How is this show SO amazing!? Okay, let's start with the recap and my thoughts.

WOW this episode really started off with a bang, didn't it?? I was floored how crazy unmother found out the real Heeseong, her real son, was a serial killer. I was legit creeped out by the fact that he kept commemorative photos of his kidnappings and killings, but what really fucked me up was the fact that he kept their fingernails. So NOW we know where the other sets of fingernails went... I guess Do Minseok kept the ones on the right hands and Heeseong kept the ones on the left hand. Just ughhh ewwww. This is seriously so disgusting. That really grossed me out. So, was unmother going to commit suicide? She held a blade to her wrist and then she looks out the window, and what does she see?? Heeseong... trying to bury a body in the rain. I mean what even??? This whole family has upped the evil factor. If there's any flower of evil blossoming? It's the Baek family.

And who's body is it!? None other than Do Hyunsoo! The man he just hit with his car! I mean REALLY!? He was going to legit BURY Hyunsoo alive??? This guy is the psychopath, this guy is the batshit crazy one, this guy is the serial killer. NOT Hyunsoo. It's kinda funny, I was talking to my husband and I said. "Well, the synopsis sorta got it right. Heeseong is definitely a serial killer, only it's the REAL Heeseong and not the fake Heeseong, which is Hyunsoo." We both were like "Yep. Heeseong IS a serial killer and did it right along with Do Minseok." Funny, that.

He’s so casual like “Oh don’t mind me. Just gonna bury this man I hit with my car alive. Go back inside.” So, ole Mommie Dearest over here goes all feral on her serial killer son and straight up stabs his ass declaring she’s scared of him. You know what, lady? I am too. He’s kinda terrifying. I swear if you gave that boy an axe and told him to go chop wood, he'd turn it around and do a Lizzie Borden on your ass. This family as a whole is a complete whack job.

Oooookay so we're back in the present now, and what do we have here??? Heeseong. Sitting up in his chair and guess what he's doing. SPEAKING. NORMALLY. None of that "I just got out of a coma and I'm slow" speech he'd been doing since last week. Yeeeeah I knew his bullshit he was pulling was a whole-ass act. Okay, so last week, when I saw the preview at the end of Ep 11 and they were all screaming about finding a buried body? I had a theory that it was going to be the maid's body they find, considering the way the crazy mother was freaking at out her wanting to know what all she knew. Now you have Heeseong being threatening with this lady. I'm getting death flags everywhere for her.

Oh look... creepy hospital trash dad is deep the blood cleaning Heeseong's car, phone rings and there we got trafficker man, Yeom Sangchul. Soooo, Heeseong owed him money and dad paid him off to cover his son's ass??? DUDE. What is WRONG with this family!? What is WRONG with these people!? They're legit messed tf up! And can they STOP trying to "take care of" Hyunsoo already?? The constant putting out a hit on him is getting frustrating. "Either Hyunsoo lives or we do." UM. You both are TWISTED old FUCKS who don't deserve life after all the crap you've pulled. Hyunsoo deserves life. He's more human than all of you. You don't, if that's how it's going to be. I'd love to watch them rot in prison.

YAY!!! There's our couple!!! Coming out of Hyunsoo's shop looking like a legit BADASS power couple!!! YASSSSSSSSS!!! And... what's this??? What?? Detective Choi wants a cup of coffee??? Weird... it almost seemed as if Jiwon WAS expecting some kind of Swat team out there to arrest her husband. Jiwon looks confused on what's happening, Hyunsoo is just quietly accepting it all. And when they go inside and Sunbae almost appears, reluctant and hesitant. He even thanks Hyunsoo for being the informant, which I did NOT expect. I knew there was a reason why I liked him from the start. He's redeeming himself.

Haesoo is really stunned over the fact that Jiwon knows the truth about Hyunsoo and who he is. And of course she's in a panic because she believes her brother left and so now would be the perfect time to turn herself in. Moojin tries his hardest to stop her, because obviousy he doesn't want to see her go to jail, but he's gotta stop being so pushy...

Sunbae has a great personality, but when he starts questioning Hyunsoo over the murder he doesn't waver. Hyunsoo straight up tells him he had no motive for murdering the village head, unlike Jiwon who's crying out that he didn't do it. That's right. Because he DID NOT. The look that the husband and wife give each other, Jiwon just looks stricken by the fact that after what they went through last night, Hyunsoo still won't tell the truth. That he was not the one who murdered the village head. Hyunsoo just looks at his wife calmly. His expression is unreadable. He may have just been silently pleading with her to please respect his wishes. This is what he wants. He doesn't want this for his sister.

Oh, Noona... not only was Hyunsoo's past so incredibly traumatic for him, but it was for you too. You've been deeply affected by this because of your overwhelming love for your brother and it's precious. It really is. It's heartbreaking watching him get thrown into repeated exorcisms at such a young age for something that was never even wrong with him. ALL of the adults in his life FAILED HIM. His father, the therapist, the villagers, and even his only friend along with his pack of cronies. They BRAINWASHED him into believing he was a bad person just like his father was, and it's HEARTBREAKING. It's so utterly HEARTBREAKING. I LOVE how strong-willed Noona delcaring she doesn't feel sorry for killing the old bastard who put this poor child through all of this.

They threw things at him, beat him, hurt him... And when they cut to Hyunsoo after being beaten, he just looks dead inside... it's so devastating knowing that they forced him into believing he was being possessed by his father's ghost, to the point that he saw his father's ghost. Now, maybe he really DID see his ghost,  but the fact that he was so brainwashed into believing these things? My heart literally ACHES for Hyunsoo... Noona is right. Moojin is NO better. He turned his back on Hyunsoo when he needed him most. Tied him a tree, beat the crap out of him, stoned him. And every single person in that town FAILED Hyunsoo. Hyunsoo was the only real HUMAN out of all of them. And that is SO DEVASTATINGLY HEARTBREAKING. Because he was so unjustly and unfairly FAILED by people he needed most, EXCEPT for Noona.

Okay, Sunbae knows something is going on. He knows that Hyunsoo claiming he killed the old man and how easily the weapon was found was just TOO convenient. He knows. NOW, I'm DYING to know who this one another witness was that said Hyunsoo wasn't a bad person? Was it Noona? Was it someone else? Because every single person in that village ostracized him, that we know of, asides from Haesoo. So what gives??? I want to know who it was... I'm just gonna place a bet that it was Haesoo who had her brother's back because she was the only one who ever did.

Oh.. oh Sunbae... you are 100% and fully fledged redeemed. REDEEMED. Don't imprison an INNOCENT man!!! I think he KNOWS Hyunsoo is innocent, and the look on Hyunsoo's face... he knows the Hyunsoo and Haesoo's childhood tragedy. My heart just twisted. Sunbae. T_T Sorry, but the fact that Sunbae is letting him go, simply by saying he isn't interested in Do Hyunsoo anymore, and that Do Hyunsoo is a good person... I swear I had tears in my eyes because of the hope in theirs!!! I was smiling and had tears in my eyes just like Jiwon because FINALLY!!! He can live his life, he can be with his family, he can love his wife openly and happily, he can raise his daughter with no fear, and... wait, hold up... it's too damn happy. Way too happy. Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it. Yep. Something is coming to literally fuck up their happiness and it's stressful. It really is.

OH GOD this SCENE. This next scene!!! I cried during this scene. I found myself sobbing because of the pure innocence of this scene alone. Our precious baby girl, Eunha!!! She's back!! And she's running and crying in his father's arms... You can already see the emotion on his face as he stoops down for his baby, and he's crying too... It's like years upon years of all these emotions that were built up and hidden behind iron walls are spilling out of him now that the floodgates have burst. Like he just can't help itself, and it's a beautiful thing. It's so good for him, it's cathartic and just what he's needed for so so long. All the years he spent locked behind that wall, believing he was something he wasn't, it's all been set free. He can FEEL. And he show what he's feeling without being told otherwise. He's free to love.

"Daddy! I missed you so so so much!!"

Oh, little sweetie, he did too. He really did. So very much. All the years he's spent watching you grow and raising you, all of those memories and feelings for you, you precious little angel, are welling up inside of him and bursting out of him, on top of the fact that he doesn't have to say goodbye to his baby girl simply due to the fact that he's Do Hyunsoo. That's why he's crying. From the day she was born, to each one of her milestones and young triumphs throughout her life are so important because he sees it all so differently now. When Jiwon't mother says "She acts like they've been separated for years" and Jiwon remains quiet? Because in a sense, they have. Sure, he's seen Eunha almost every single day of her life, but he hasn't really SEEN her til now because he had a heavy, dark veil covering the eyes of his heart.

He's seeing Eunha for the first time and feeling her with his heart, and i find that so overwhelmingly beautiful. Jiwon assures her mother that it's nothing when she worriedly asks what's wrong, that she's never seen him like this before. And Jiwon just tearfully smiles so gently and so softly at her precious family while they cry and embrace because she loves them so much. It's sweet how Jiwon's mother is concerned for them though lol. I wonder if she'll find out...? And how ADORABLE was it when Eunha told her daddy not to cry again because he misses her? She's such a precious little angel and such a good little girl. His kiss on her forehead was the sweetest thing too. What REALLY made me melt in tears was the fact that Hyunsoo says:

"Eunha-ya, daddy loves you a lot."

And Eunha's arm heart... just... GOSH. T____T And even though she tells her daddy not to cry, you can see him tearing up again as he waves bye bye to his little girl off to preschool. It's so beautiful and refreshing to see him finally finding his emotions and finding his feelings and expressing them so honestly. And his little kiss on her forehead. Just end me. I can’t get over how precious the moments these two share truly are. It’s beautiful. ♥

Wooooowwww, so Jiwon was planning on quitting her job as a police officer??? But here we have Sunbae trying to encourage her to seriously think about this decision, because he's right. Giving up a job like that could have a huge affect on her entire life. And to get to work and work like crazy because they're mad busy lol. Ah, Sunbae.

And I just can't get over Hyunsoo and Jiwon's love. I really can't. I love how holds her hand and strokes it gently with his thumb. She asks "What were you thinking about in front of the store earlier?" And BAM! I was right! He was remembering the very first time he ever held Eunha. I'm sure he probably wanted to cry the first time he held her because his heart was likely overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings, but he didn't know how and he couldn't figure them out. And then he says when he met Jiwon, every single moment of his life was filled with first times and I just... I can't... Jiwon has been the most beautiful, welcoming, warming and positive force in his life. If it weren't for her, he may not have ever began his healing process from  years upon years of trauma. I love the focus on their hands. I really do. Almost like he didn't want to let her go back to work, and even asking her if she'll be alright. Hyunsoo, you are such a wonderful husband to her. Goodness.

I do love how when Jiwon entered her workroom and the police chief snapped at her, Sunbae was quick to step up with the continued story of Eunha was sick and he sent her home, so she's not been made aware of the situation, which is half-true. Jiwon had NO idea that Yeom Sangchul busted loose and is on the run. Now, here's something interesting...

"How's your kid? Who's sick? Your first or second?"

WAIT... now why are they making it a point to show that Jiwon only has one child right now??? Is there... is that foreshadowing?? Could there maybe be a chance that Eunha might get a brother or sister in the future??? Or is that just my wishful thinking and overthinking it because the police chief just doesn't know enough about her as a person and that's what they're showing us? Hmmm... Well, here's hoping we get that happy ending with Jiwon pregnant and them having a new baby! *fingers crossed* lol Sorry. Just some Hyunsoo/Jiwon fanwishes. Anyway... I got a good chuckle out of the chief trying to cover his ass by passing out energy drink packets and of course Sunbae being his hilariously greedy self with wanting two and talking about the chief being cheap HAH! I laughed. And then Sunbae gets a call from Hyunsoo... WHAT!? What is going on now??? Wanting to talk where Jiwon can't hear?

So, Hyunsoo is still sitting at the front gate in his car and he's thinking back to something Yeom Sangchul said. "Think hard about it. Whom did you tell this secret to? Who do you think ratted you out to me?" Ooooo, I think Hyunsoo's onto something, though. I get why he doesn't want Jiwon to know, but hasn't he learned his lesson yet? Honey, things go south when you keep secrets from your wife. She's also a police officer. You do realize that, right? And she's a badass one at that. I get you're protecting her from knowing that someone is out to get you, but you gotta tread carefully love... you don't want to break trust between the two of you. You need her trust now more than anything.

Oh look, there's human trafficking trash man eating and the equal trash son laying in bed watching the news on his tablet. And her comes trash mom. Is he really still going to continue pulling off that whole fake slow talk "I just got out of a coma. Feel pity for me" crap? Please. We know he can speak just fine considering he did it earlier with the housemaid. Can he spare me the innocence? And why does he still seem to have himself convinced that Hyunsoo is going to kill him?? Hell, if anything, Hyunsoo will just want to help catch his ass and have him thrown in prison for the disgusting stuff Do Minseok did with him.

So, Moojin is going to play the noble idiot again once more for Haesoo by looking for Hyunsoo? Well, you don't gotta look too far, bro. He's a lot closer than you think. Also, the more I think about it, the more I'm with Moojin. Not because my heart is shriveling over him telling Noona to stop saying she'll turn herself in, but I agree. Sunbae let Hyunsoo go saying he has no interest in him anymore. If Noona goes to the police station now and outright admits to killing the village head all those years ago, there's also a chance that they'll all find out that Jiwon's husband is Do Hyunsoo. Sunbae might be willing to overlook that fact, but that doesn't mean the others will.

Side note, but Moojin, why do you think you deserve a SHRED of care from Haesoo after the shit you've pulled? Sorry but that got on my nerves. Stop comparing yourself to Hyunsoo and your importance to Noona. Hyunsoo is her little BROTHER. He's family. There's a HUGE difference. Jeez, Moojin. Stop being so pushy and clingy. She doesn't WANT to go home. She WANTS to go to the police station. You have no right to tell the driver where to send her. Ugh he's so frustrating sometimes. I have such mixed feelings about him.

Alright, so Hyunsoo and Sunbae are at a cafe now talking about the fact that Hyunsoo has a pretty good idea of who's put a hit out on him. That he'll give Yeom Sangchul a shit ton of money to kill him. And it flashes back to trash dad trying to talk Hyunsoo into leaving if he gives him 10 times the amount. WHY can't these people just leave him alone?? For fuck sake. Hyunsoo states it's just an assumption, but we know he's not wrong and he won't tell Sunbae who thinks the person is til he can confirm it for himself with Sunbae's help. This treading into some very dangerous waters.

Moojin, good grief why do you keep bothering her? We're all well aware you like Haesoo, but she isn't interested in a relationship with you or anyone else. She's at the police station, and it's kind of sad because she believes that Moojin is all Hyunsoo has left. She shows up and just about outs herself when Jiwon smoothly covers it up by claiming she's here to identify the human trafficking victims since it's connected to her father's serial killings.

Okay, so... I LOVE this scene. I LOVE their discussion on the rooftop. It's excellent because it's just what Haesoo needs to hear, no matter how harsh Jiwon came across, it was necessary. Haesoo wastes no time in admitting that she knows Jiwon knows everything, and that Hyunsoo had a very justifiable reason for living as Baek Heeseong. I do love how protective she is over her brother, and yet again, she admits to Jiwon that she killed the village foreman and not Hyunsoo. Haesoo, no... she does not think her husband is a dangerous person because they just spent the night before talking about literally everything. Hyunsoo told her everything he could possibly think of. Jiwon loves him unconditionally. She does not think her husband dangerous for a moment.

"Haesoo, Hyunsoo is no longer a little boy that you need to look after. He's the father of my child. He's my family. He's my person. Now, he has a wife who will stand by his side... no matter what happens. He told me his sister is a very kind person. Whenever something bad happened when he was young, he was always the first to be suspected. He told me you always went around telling people he's innocent. He didn't care what other people thought, but you were always the one who cried and felt upset about it. Because you're so kind, he thought you wouldn't be able to endure other people's criticisms. That's why he took the blame. He didn't care what other people thought about him. If you turn yourself in, he'll no longer be a wanted criminal. But he'll feel guilty and indebted to you for the rest of his life. I don't want that. So... please respect your brother's decision. And... you should be the one to feel guilty instead."

"I'm horrible, aren't I?" No, Jiwon. You are not. I won't lie, your words were harsh, but they had to be said. This was totally necessary. They absolutely had to be, because Haesoo needed to understand and know the importance in all of this. She needed to know that her brother is not alone. That he has a loving wife and family to stay by his side. Jiwon tells her that what they talked about today is that if Haesoo recognized any of the victims in regards to her father's crimes and that is supposed to say no. Noona cries and thanks Jiwon for trusting Hyunsoo. Because it's what he needs. A wife to love him, trust him and help him. Haesoo tells Jiwon that while she's still alive, she'll do everything she can to repay her... while she's still alive?? Is anyone else getting possible death flags from Noona...? I'm worried. Really worried about her. Like it has me nervous. If something happens to her after everything Hyunsoo did for her... I just don't even want to think about it.

[datheetjoella]

Fantober 2020, Day 30: Domesticated

Author: DatHeetJoella Fandom: Free! Pairing: MakoHaru Rating: T Part: 30/31 (read the full collection here) Word count: 1,821 Tags: Canonverse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Domesticity, Accidental Marriage Proposal Read at: AO3, FFn, or right here!

                                             -----------------------------------

Unlike many others, Haruka didn't go to work in the morning with dread in his gut. He had turned his passion into his career and despite there still being days when we'd rather swim leisurely than be barked at by his coach, he hadn't reached the point yet where he had gotten tired of training.

Nevertheless, Haruka's favourite moment of the day was unlocking the door to their apartment, where he could relax on the couch and unwind in the bath, but most importantly, where he could see Makoto again. Finally, that moment had arrived.

Muffled noises resonated through the walls, informing him that Makoto was home early. That knowledge brought a smile to Haruka's face. Although his day had been pretty good so far, he could always use a bright grin, a loving embrace and a tender kiss. Time to replenish his Makoto-well.

He stashed his key back into his pocket and pushed down the doorknob. "I'm home," he called out as he kicked off his shoes. He didn't get a response, so he ditched his bag in front of the bathroom door and went inside.

Makoto was standing in the middle of the living room with his back turned to him, pushing their wireless, low-decibel vacuum around the coffee table. It had been a gift from his mom on his previous birthday - yes, Haruka had reached the age where his parents gave him practical things as presents. Recently, she had become obsessed with high-tech appliances and after he off-handedly mentioned the cord of the vacuum getting tangled when he was on the phone with her while cleaning, she took it upon herself to rid him of those issues.

It had cost far more than Haruka would ever be willing to pay for a vacuum cleaner, but admittedly, it performed amazingly and left their old, cheap one in the dust. Vacuuming had been at the bottom of both of their lists in terms of chore-preferences, but this one ran so smoothly it eradicated the reasons they disliked it.

But the vacuum wasn't why Makoto hadn't heard him; after all, it was relatively quiet. It were the headphones covering his ears that caused him to miss Haruka's arrival.

Haruka opened his mouth to call out again rather than touching his shoulder or jumping in front of him, lest he startle him. But he abruptly shut up when Makoto started to sing along to his music.

His soft voice filled the room, bouncing off the walls and the notes immediately nestled themselves in a chamber of Haruka's heart. Ever since they were kids, Makoto had been the better singer between the two of them, but as he grew older and his voice matured, Makoto improved even more. His vocal range was pretty wide so he could effortlessly sing along to a variety of genres, be it mellow ballads or high-tempo rock songs. While Makoto's voice was already a treat to listen to when he talked, hearing him sing was a rare but very welcome massage to Haruka's eardrums.

To suit his voice, Makoto's taste in music was also very broad. He enjoyed almost anything, so sharing earbuds with him or passing him the aux cord in the car meant Haruka was in for a surprise. This time, he was singing along to an upbeat song by some foreign pop group that was often played on the radio and in stores. The lyrics described the sea breeze and silver sand on a summer night and although it was a bit out of season now they were well into autumn, Makoto's beautiful voice made it sound like a timeless serenade.

With bated breath, Haruka watched and listened. The sight of Makoto singing while vacuuming was rather mundane, something that could happen on any given day of the week, yet it made Haruka's chest brim with profound affection. He could travel the world, eat mackerel at Michelin-star restaurants, swim in every body of water within existence, and he still wouldn't be as happy as he was now. Trophies and the thrill of competing were a great bonus, but all that mattered was this; after work, he came home to the person he loved more than life itself, carefree and content.

When Makoto turned around the table to vacuum the floor on the other side, their eyes met and a wide smile lit up his handsome face. "Ah, Haru, I didn't hear you come in. Welcome home."

Naturally, Haruka smiled too. "I'm home," he said again.

After he turned off the vacuum, Makoto fished his phone out of his pocket to stop the music and put his headphones down on the table. Then, he went over to Haruka to engulf him in a big hug and welcome him home properly. As their lips met in a gentle kiss, Haruka realised he had been wrong; this was his favourite moment of the day.

He cupped Makoto's face, the faintest hint of stubble on his jaw prickling his fingertips and although it was a feeling he otherwise found unpleasant, the roughness was kind of nice now. It was a part of Makoto and since it would be gone tomorrow morning after he shaved, Haruka had to savour it now.

Makoto pulled back sooner than he would've liked, but Haruka wouldn't sweat it. There was more than enough time left in the day to dedicate to loving kisses.

"When you unload your bag, you can leave your towels and swimsuit in front of the washing machine instead of putting them in the laundry basket," Makoto said, "I'm doing laundry anyway so I'll put them in once this round is done."

"Vacuuming, doing laundry," Haruka said with a huff of amusement, "Are you aiming to be a house husband?"

"Depends." Makoto shrugged. "Are your applications open?"

"I guess."

"Then does that mean I'm hired?"

"Who else would I hire?"

Makoto chuckled. "Does that mean we're married now?"

A large question mark appeared above Haruka's head. Had he just proposed to Makoto? "Engaged, I think?" Haruka said with a frown. This was not how he expected this milestone to go down. He'd thought there would be at least more gasps of surprise, fireworks and perhaps even a tear or two. Not a joking remark on an extraordinarily normal day. "This is the most confusing proposal I've ever heard."

More melodic laughter streamed from Makoto's mouth. "It's not exactly how I had envisioned it either, but I must say I quite like it. It was so easy and natural, like everything else between us is, too," he said and he did have a point. "Besides, I'm happy with the upgrade. I was never a fan of the term 'boyfriends' anyway. 'Fiancés' has a much nicer ring to it, doesn't it?"

In Haruka's opinion, it did sound a lot better. Fiancé was more encompassing than the term boyfriend was, and while Makoto was undoubtedly his boyfriend, he was so much more than that. He was his best friend, his better half, his Makoto. "How did you think of me before if you don't like the word 'boyfriend' then?"

"My partner, my significant other, my best friend with a whole bunch of benefits," Makoto said with a playful raise of his eyebrows, but then he smiled, soft and genuine. "My Haru-chan."

It was the answer Haruka could've predicted, yet it still made heat rush to his cheeks. "Drop the '-chan'."

Makoto snorted. He raised his hand and carded his fingers through Haruka's black locks. "Hey, Haru?"

"What?"

"Do you think I'll be a good husband?"

"Your cooking skills can use some brushing up," Haruka said with a smirk, earning himself an offended 'hey!' from Makoto. "But other than that, you'll be the perfect husband."

"Thanks," Makoto said, leaning down to plant a kiss on the tip of Haruka's nose. "You will, too, but I already told you that, didn't I?"

Haruka nodded, smiling as he recalled it. "During our second year of high school, when I was teaching you how to cook mackerel in miso for Ran and Ren."

"Back then, you said you weren't interested in getting married."

It was true. When he was younger he had no intention to get married, but that was because it wasn't possible to marry Makoto and it wasn't like there was anyone else he wanted to be with. It was a great relief that over the years, it had become an option. "I changed my mind."

A warm twinkle shone in Makoto's eyes. "I'm glad. Although I'm happy enough just being with you, there's something extra special about our relationship being officially and legally recognised, don't you think?"

Haruka nodded. According to their friends, they'd been like an old married couple since they were kids so in that regard, nothing would change. But even if the nature of their bond didn't change, the way the world viewed them would. Whenever Haruka met someone new, it was difficult to explain what Makoto was to him: with the title of husband, all those problems would vanish and everyone would understand immediately that Makoto was his world.

"If we get married in a few years, we'll be able to save up for a ceremony on the beach, and maybe for a honeymoon in Okinawa," Makoto said and Haruka's heart swelled at the thought, "But for now, we'll enjoy the fiancé-stage of our relationship."

"Yeah," Haruka said. Their lives were a bit too hectic to get married right away, but that didn't mean they couldn't fantasise about it. They would have plenty of time to dream up the perfect wedding. "To celebrate our engagement, I'll cook a special dinner tonight. What would you like to eat?"

"Mackerel."

"Mackerel?" Haruka asked with a frown. "Not green curry?"

Makoto shook his head. "Mackerel is my fiancé's favourite food."

That made Haruka's stomach flutter. Could Makoto be any more kind and selfless? He was truly proving himself as husband-material. "I'll make a chocolate cake for dessert then. That's my fiancé's favourite pastry."

At the mention of chocolate cake, Makoto's smile softened. "Thanks, Haru," he said and pressed a sweet kiss to Haruka's lips. "There isn't anyone in the entire world who I'd rather spend my life with, so thank you for choosing to be with me again and again."

"Me neither," Haruka said, tightening his arms around Makoto's neck. Revealing the contents of his heart remained to be something he struggled with, but Makoto deserved to hear just how much he meant to him. No matter how difficult something was, for Makoto he'd always try his best. "I love you."

"I love you too," Makoto said as he leaned their foreheads together, their noses touching. "So, so much."

Their eyes fell shut as their lips met in another passionate kiss.

If every day with Makoto was this domestic and comfortable, then Haruka was already looking forward to all the years yet to come.

[mrs-i-have-too-many-biases]

Bang Chan// Sun and Moon (-light)// Epilogue

Summary: Sun and Moon, different from another, but both unmissable in the world. The sun is warm, it provides daylight. It represents life, strength and growth. The moon, the brightest and largest object in our night sky. It makes the earth more liveable and represents admiration, change, mystery and feelings. The sun is untouchable and unreachable, but what if his ,independent, sun(-shine) becomes his world?

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers Season: Spring/ summer Pairing: Bang Chan X Reader (ft. Seo Changbin) AU: | Delinquent!Female Reader | Vice President!Bang Chan | School!AU | Non!Idol AU | Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,5K Requested: Yes, (Reference)

They day of Chan’s and Y/n’s graduation had been about a month ago. The two were happy to be together at such a milestone in their lives. Everyone were friends and they all hung out together. Y/n had brought Hyunjin and Jeongin into the group, whilst Chan brought his known clique together at a hang out.

After the entire drama around Y/n, people at school finally seemed to know how to act like a decent person. They began to mind their own businesses and greeted her like a normal person. Y/n also seemed to be clicking with some more people as they acted normal around her. Most people seemed to be interested in her drawings, tattoos or piercings and even asked her where they could get theirs, secretly, done. 

Y/n knew it would be great for business, but she told them ‘to wait until they got an approvement of their parents- unless they didn’t care about it then yeah sure go ahead, we are called the ‘District 9 Tattoo Parlour’ come on by!’

Even though she started to click with new people, she stayed loyal to her usual group, which were the boys. They had lunch together, especially now that they all had summer break. They had claimed an usual spot at the park, where they would order delivery and just enjoy their time together.

She began to have banter with Minho and Jisung, who were always ready for jokes and teasing. Y/n had an absolute soft spot for Felix. He is sweet and cute and how could you not love him? Chan would playfully pout as his girlfriend cooed at his younger friend’s cuteness.

Chan wasn’t the jealous type, he loves and trusts her and he is sure that she loves him too. Besides, he also trusted his friends to not do anything they will regret.

They all had gone to Y/n’s Busan beach house and spend days of their summer there. They had barbecued until they were physically sick of the grill and sang songs together around a campfire. The 3Racha unit had showed off their music skills to everyone, causing them to stare at the three in awe.

Everything felt like the pieces finally fell into place. Chan was going to study music at University soon and Y/n would be at the same university studying psychology, since she wanted to help people who have experienced the same things as she has in her life. Chan couldn’t be prouder of her. And she couldn’t have been prouder of him.

Speaking of proud, Y/n has been visiting her father in rehab a frequently. He continued to apologise for his thoughtless actions from the past, but the two had forgive him already. They continued to support him and cheer him on. He was making great process and Y/n was happy and proud to see her father back on the right track.

Y/n and Chan, who were now an official couple, have gone on countless dates. Dates to watch the lights on the bridge at the park were still their favourite. The snacks and the snuggles were just the best. Y/n would take Chan everywhere on her motor. He at first preferred going by car, until he realised that he got to hug her the whole ride.

Some more good news for the two was, that Sooyun was facing charged for invading privacy, fraud, attempt on murder and sabotage. Which honestly was quite sad for a girl with so much protentional and at such a young age. But she had brought it all upon herself and had to face jailtime for her actions.

Right now, Y/n would be at work at the parlour, where she would be the one who sets piercings and earrings. Chan had stepped out of his car and made his way into the parlour. He greeted his friends before walking to Y/n’s wing of the shop. She had her back turned to him so it was the perfect moment for him to mess with her a bit.

He creeped up on her and made sure she wasn’t holding anything that could potentially hurt herself. When she wasn’t, he grabbed her by the waist and picked her up so he could twirl her around, making her squeal in process. She giggled and turned to him after he had put her down. “Hello to you too Moonlight.” She muttered against his lips. “I have something for you.” He said with a bright smile plastered on his face. He dug in the pockets of his jacket and revealed a velvet box that was about the size of his hand. She was in shock at first, thinking that he was going to propose and she was ready to go panic mode, since they are quite young.

But when Chan opened the box, she saw two necklaces placed in the box. The silver and golden necklace was simple and cute. There was a sun and a moon inside of it, representing the two. She absolutely loved it and kissed her boyfriend all over his face as a thank you.

“I don’t have anything for you thought.” She pouted in the mirror after Chan had hung the piece around Y/n’s neck. “You could pierce my ears?” He suggested, making her turn around in surprise.

“You want your ears pierced?” “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about getting them ever since you got this job.” He smirked, before she excitedly clapped her hands and walked out to get her stuff ready.

“Sit still.” She murmurs as she dotted the spots on his ear where the earrings would be. He would stare at her concentrated face as she stood in front of him, he had to hold back the urge to tickle her, because he knew if he did that, everything would go downwards and she would feel guilty for the rest of their relationship. But he trusted her that she would go a great job.

“I can’t see well-Ah!” She shrieked when Chan brough her onto his lap, making her straddling him. She looked away from him for a second, feeling flustered at his bold action. It wasn’t like she hasn’t sat on his lap before, I mean. Have you seen his lips? Who wouldn’t want to make out with them? Y/n continued to work as she sat on his lap, since he wouldn’t let her go and before they knew it, Chan had earrings.

“You okay honey?” She asked him as she rested her hands on his chest. He was wearing a black blouse with his upper buttons still unbuttoned. She absolutely loved this look on her, since it was simple but sexy. The matching sun and moon necklace was now dangling onto his exposed chest, aside with the usual silver chain he was wearing. And he now looked even hotter with the silver earrings he got. It got herself staring at her good-looking boyfriend, which gave Chan a boost of confidence.

“Like what you see?” He smirked as he pulled her closer to his chest. “I guess I do now, especially since I have that hot-kind of influence on you.” She smirked back. “That’s because you are m sunshine and you keep me warm and fuzzy.” He cooed suddenly, pecking her lips right afterwards. “And I guess you’re hot too.” He laughed. “Excuse me, you think?” She scoffed playfully. She had slapped his chest as well in process, causing him to scoff this time before ending up in a tickle fight.

“No PDA in the parlour!” They heard Changbin yell from the other side of the curtain. Causing them both to fall into a fit of laughter.

Everything just seemed perfect. And they couldn’t wait to see how their story would go on together.

Ending words:

I would like to thank everyone who has been supporting this series! For those who comment and like the stories! I’ve been receiving quite a lot of comments and compliments and it warms my heart that you guys like my stories! I also would like to thank the person who requested this idea to me and I feel honoured that you came with such a great idea and let me write it!

Once again thank you so much and I hope you will continue to read and like whatever I will come up with in the future!

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Do you write poly?? Cause if you do, for the soulmate au could you do Sorbet and Gelato with prompt two, where their soulmate has their names on each wrist (sorbet on one, Gelatos on the other) and maybe having two soulmates is rare, if not completely unheard of, so their soulmate has tried covering their names basically her entire life and is reluctant to enter a relationship with two people. Like, their thought process could be ‘well, you already have each other you don’t need me’ or something

Yeah I write poly!

Forever

(yandere Sorbet and Gelato X Female Reader)

Having a soul mate was rare but two was a was pretty much unheard of and unfortunately you had to be the only known example you knew. The idea of soulmates was a sacred thing in your family every member had and met theirs.

your mother and father would alway tell you about how they met each other and how their names were written on each others wrist and how one day the weird birthmark on your wrist would form the name of your soulmate but you mother and father were shocked when birth mark had revealed not one, but two names. The idea of having more then one partner was alien to you and basically went against family morals so you were simply told to hide the names and pretend they didn't exist.

Now as a twenty years old you sat at your desk as you listened to your lecturer or at least tried. Your dorm mate Marissa had left mid term to see her grandfather whose health had make a fast decline. Sure you understand her dilemma but she was the one out of two of you who knew how to cook, so of course you were struggling to feed yourself.

Your stomach growled at you, screaming if it could to get the food it desperately needed since you had refused to eat the bacon and eggs you had burnt to a crisp this morning. You hoped that tonight you might just be able to successfully prepare something to last you a week.

The class had finally been dismissed and you packed up your bag before walking out. You let out a sigh as you got a fresh breath of air and felt the warm sun on your skin. It seemed like a wonderful day as you headed back to your dorm.

Out the front of your dorm two men around you age leaning against the wall, their cold dark eyes instantly shifted to you once you were in view. You had never seen them around campus so you knew they were up to no good.

"Hello, do you need anything?" You asked as you approached the door. The men stood up and both cracked you a smile before the blonde spoke.

"Is your name (Y/n)?"

"Yes it is, why are asking?" You said in a cautious tone.

"We've been looking for you everywhere" the black haired male said as they both showed you the inside of their wrists. The blonde had (Y/n) and Sorbet on his while the ravenette had (Y/n) and Gelato. You stepped back in absolute shock as you mumbled their names.

"Yep that's us, we've been waiting so long to meet you" Gelato said in a cheerful tone.

"What's wrong (Y/n)? You look like you've seen a ghost" Sorbet chuckled.

"How did you guys find out where I was?" You asked and the both of them simply looked at each other with a grin and chuckled.

"We have our ways" they replied in union.

"We just came here to take you out for dinner" Sorbet purred.

"No, I couldn't possibly!" You replied.

"Why not? If your worried about money then you shouldn't, we'll pay" Gelato explained. You felt your stomach twist up in fear.

"I'm not really in going out clothes..." You mumbled, desperately trying to make up any excuse.

"Well then get changed. Do you think we'd harm you?" Sorbet said.

"Well I've never met you-" you responded before you heard a click and felt the cold barrel of a pistol pressed against your forehead. The blonde who held it cracked a cruel laugh as a devilish grin grew on his lips.

"Stop dancing around the question, you shouldn't turn down a man's offer for dinner, it's very rude" he hissed in a voice of sickeningly sweet venom.

"just go inside and get changed, make it quick too because if we're late then our reservation will be overturned" Sorbet said as he grabbed your bag and looked for your keys.

"And I don't think we'd be happy about that" Gelato said as he watched you as his boyfriend grabbed your keys and opened the door. Gelato shoved the gun at you, giving you a small wack indicating you to enter. You simply abided as they guided you to your bedroom before Sorbet walked to your wardrobe and opened it while Gelato guided you to the bed, you were so scared. You didn't know what the two males were going to do to you.

"Strip" was the single word that shook you to your very core, the one word you didn't want to here.

"But-" you tried to argue but the blonde pressed the gun to your temple.

"Bang!" Gelato yelled out as he flicked the gun back to mimic the recoil which made you body freeze up and your heart almost give out.

"That was your last chance, next time it's gonna be the real deal" he chuckled.

"So I'll repeat myself, strip!" He continued as his voice instantly turned cold and harsh.

You stood up and slowly began to remove the articles of clothing you wore until you were in your bra and panties.

"Your even more beautiful then in the photo's" Sorbet commented as he held out one of your dresses and Gelato's face crinkled up.

"Is that the best dress you own? God you need a wardrobe lift" he snarled.

"Well I don't go out on dinner dates!" You hissed back before he aimed the gun at you again and pulled back the trigger. You shut your eyes and mentally prayed that your impending death would be quick and painless but no bullet came.

"Oh silly me... I forgot the safety was on, I guess you got one more chance" he said in a tone soft but also harsh.

"You best be counting your lucky stars the next time you decide to play up" he continued with a hiss as he took the safety off. While Sorbet put the dress on you. You yelped when felt his teeth tug on your earlobe.

The twe males pulled you besides them by the waist while guiding you away. The gun occasionally digging into your shoulder blade as they forced you into their car.

🍦🍦🍦

After an hour the car finally stopped in a carpark and the two got out before Sorbet opened your door with one hand while he roughly grabbed your wrist and yanked you up causing your elbow to crack. Gelato simply watched as he placed his pistol under his jacket where it was hidden.

"Lest just try to enjoy a nice dinner, I'd be a shame if we had to start gunning people down at one of Naples best restaurants" Gelato said as he locked the car and began to walk.

"You guys are unhinged..." You commented in a voice full of worry.

"I wouldn't say unhinged... Passionate is a better way of putting it" Gelato smirked.

"Well actually you're just a brat..." Sorbet commented causing the blonde to pout.

"I am not!" He exclaimed.

"You were pestering me for three hours straight over a diamond ring" the ravenette retorted before pulling you in by the waist and walking toward the other male.

"It was really pretty, we've been dating for three years now... A proposal would be appreciated"Gelato muttered but Sorbet either didn't hear him or just straight up ignored him.

"I bet you won't let me give our dear (Y/n) the first kiss" he smirked and the blonde scowled.

"I'm the one in charge so it's only right that I do" he continued.

"Well I'm older then you and that means you gotta respect me" Gelato spat back.

"You've just proven my point" Sorbet chuckled as he leaned pinched his partners puffed cheek.

"Oww that hurts! You pinch like my auntie Rosa" he complained as he slapped his partners hand away.

"I can't help it they're so soft" Sorbet chuckled which annoyed the red faced blonde.

Gelato let out a sigh before the smile returned to his lips for a split moment before he grabbed the back of your head and smashed his lip against yours. You froze in shock as you felt his lips against your own but you finally found the strength to push him away when you felt him nibble your bottom lip.

"Aw what's the matter? never kissed someone before?" Gelato taunted, you simply didn't reply. You had never kissed before, you just hadn't ever been interested in a relationship.

"You haven't, have you?" Sorbet said as if he could read your mind.

"Well that's alright, it makes all the more special for me" Gelato said slyly as he pulled you out of Sorbets arms and into his as he guided you to the restaurant. And pushed you down into a seat before sitting down themselves.

"So tell us (Y/n) what have you been doing with your life for all these years?" Sorbet asked, of course the two males already knew the answer but they wanted to hear it in your own words.

"Well... I lived with my parents here in Italy, I had a fairly normal upbringing" you said.

"Continue" Gelato said.

"During my highschool years I decided I'd continue on my education and that's why I moved to Naples to attend University" you explained.

"So you're not a local of Naples, how's it been treating you?" Sorbet asked.

"It's nice... But there is alot of mafia activity around, which is rather concerning" you replied as you picked up the menu and looked through it.

"Oh you'll get use to it, I use to live in Rome until recently. I admit when I first moved to Naples I was overwhelmed" Gelato explained to you before looking at Sorbet.

"Then when I met Sorbet all my worries seemed to disappear" he mused before giving him a peck.

"You two seem really close three years is a big milestone... Or at least to me" you commented.

"Yeah, we met when he first moved to Naples, I helped him out with directions one day and I didn't think much of it, a few days later I found out that he began work at the same place I did" Sorbet said.

"We swapped numbers and caught up every once and a while, I had to be the one to ask him out thou" Gelato added with a chuckle.

"If you two are happy with each other, then why do you guys want me? Don't you think three people is a bit too overbearing in a romantic relationship?" You asked.

"I don't three is too much, what are you afraid of? Don't you think we could give you twice the love anyone else could?" Gelato cooed.

You nails dug into you skin as you tried you best not to say what you wanted to. The two males have a sinister, twisted side hidden under their sweet facade and you didn't want to make them snap.

"Not talking huh?" Gelato asked as he swiftly kicked your shin from under the table. You bit your lip, so desperate to not let anyone here you yelp in pain.

"He's asking you a question" Sorbet growled only loud enough for you and Gelato to hear.

"It's just that polygamy isn't really accepted in my family" you explained.

The two continued to chat to you though out the night and eventually the food had arrived. During your meal an idea popped into your mind.

"Could you two please excuse me? I need to go to the bathroom"

"Sure it's on the left, near the kitchen" Sorbet explained as you stood up and walked away. You could see the large tree that obscured the view they had. You took this advantage to go into the kitchen instead, of course you weren't greeted in a friendly manner as you rushed past the chefs to get to the back exit. You opened the door and a gust of the  cold breeze brushed against your skin. You entered the dark side ally and looked for anyway you could get help. In the distance a phone booth could be seen, a dim light flickering inside it.

You ran as fast as you could, adrenaline pumping though your veins as your mind began to wonder, did the two males know that you had made an escape? You hoped they hadn't.

You nearly ripped the door off of it's hinges as you opened the door only to then realised you had no money. You desperately dug you hand into the change shoot hoping someone had forgotten to take theirs but Lady luck wasn't on your side.

A knock on the door Brough your attention to the old man waiting outside.

"I'm sorry do you perhaps have some spare change? I left my phone at home and I really need to call a friend to pick me up" you asked the male as you opened the door. He simply grabbed some coins from his pocket and placed them in you hand.

"Of course, I came to see if you were alright anyway, you seem to be scared" he replied.

"Thank you sir"

"No problem, if I had just walked past only to find out the next day something had happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself" he replied.

"I hope have a safe night" he added before leaving.

"You too" you replied before closing the door once more and putting the coins in the slot and dialling Marissa's number. She lived locally and had insisted you call her if anything happened while she was gone.

The phone began to ring. Once, twice...

"Hello?" A familiar voice said.

"It's me (Y/n), I'm stuck in the middle of Naples and I need your help ASAP!" You responded.

"(Y/n) what happened?"

"Two guys were outside our dorm... They asked me out for dinner but when I tried to tell them no they pulled a gun to my head... They forced me to go with them" you began to sob.

"Oh shit, where are you?" She asked.

"I don't know..." You mumbled as you looked around before seeing the street name and telling her.

"I'll pick you up soon. I'll take you back to my parents house, I'm sure they won't mind. Just stay on the line!" She said.

"I'm on a payphone!" You replied.

"Well I'll call you back!" She responded before hanging up and calling you again.

You talked to her for a few minutes as you waited for her to arrive, one she had you quickly ran to the car and got in.

"Thank you so much..." You sobbed.

"It's ok, anything for you" she replied with a smile before a gun shot erupted. Your heart threatened to burst as you saw the two males in the side mirror.

"Quick step on it!"you nearly screamed. Without a second thought she slammed her foot down on the accelerator and the car sped off.

"How the hell did you attract the attention of those nut jobs?!" She said asked in a panicked tone.

"They're my my soulmates... Well I'm not even sure now" you explained.

"Which one?" She asked.

"Both" you replied as you showed your wrist to her.

"That's just unfortunate..." She sighed.

🍦🍦🍦

Once you had gotten to Marissa's house her parents had welcomed you and offered you some clothes and a bed. They didn't ask you any questions or pry an answer out of Marissa, they just offered any assistance they could.

You rolled yourself up in the plush doona as you tried your best to go to sleep. You watched the clock tick away, counting each second until you drifted off to sleep. Completely unaware of the nightmare you would wake up to.

🍦🍦🍦

A scream erupted from Marissa's lips as she saw the two familiar men that stood on-top of her parents bloody bodies. Sorbet holding a pocket knife while Gelato had a wooden baseball bat over his shoulder, their dark eyes clouded with insanity.

"You bastards! They had nothing to do with this!" You screamed as tears clouded your vision.

"(Y/n), this could have all simply been avoided if you had been honest" Gelato cooed.

"We could have had such a happy relationship with each other but you had to ruin that... Didn't you?" Sorbet added before grabbing Marissa by the hair. She yelped out in pain as she tried her best the struggle but it was a futile attempt as the knife was driven into her stomach. You tried you best to look away but Gelato grabbed you and forced you to watch as your friend was mercilessly stabbed over and over again until she was certainly dead. When he let go you crawled over to her body.

You cried and wailed as your friend laid motionlessly in a pool of her own blood unaware of the fact that Gelato readied his bat. He swang it back behind his head and brought it down into you side causing you body to be thrown back by the force. You screamed out in pain, the force could have possibly broken a few ribs.

"Now this is your punishment for playing us like fools!" Gelato squealed in sinister delight before he bring down the bat again and again as Sorbet laughed at your pain.

Slowly each hit caused your body to grow numb and brought you closer to the inky darkness. You didn't know if you were dying or just lossing consciousness but you desperately hoped it was death. You didn't know how you were going to live after the blonde mangled you.