#like thats an illusion of freedom for the most part ��️

[mummer]

rhaenyra outsourcing motherhood to rhaena and assigning her that passive feminine role was REALLY interesting….. rhaenyra as a character is at her most fascinating when she is forced to navigate and ultimately perpetuate the gendered structures she despises and wishes she could transcend— the seeds of her tragedy already sewn here. just great character work

[kendylouwhoo]

I long for safety.

Not the "safety" of the city, keeping the wild at bay. Living so close to so many others, to hide from the void of aloneness. Not the illusion of safety, just stay busy so you don't notice the fear. Not the safety of someone financially supporting me, because thats what my ancestors have always done here. Not the safety of a male creature that isn't fully a man, one whome lashes out in overt or covert ways when they feel hurt, because they have never truly felt safe themselves, so they don't know how to revert. Not the safety of money, to distract from the fact that things can't buy genuine safety. Not the safety of a roof over my head, because other people's energy can be just as rough, sometimes even rougher than the elements that feel tough. Not the safety that constant stimulation from a device can provide. All of these "safties" are more like weapons to be used against me, to try and force me into a box that I don't want to fucking live in any more! I don't fit in the box. None of us do. Isn't that the real reason why for so much of my life I've felt so fucking blue? Why don't people see these boxes, prison cells, and why don't they want to break out? Do you not value freedom? Do you really think your life is so worthless all you want to do is spend it chasing the carrot tied to a string?! I don't. None of this is true. And here I am, I can't spend my life staying so blue. Choked, suffocated, can't fucking breath. Suffering just because someone else is... that's not the real me. Holding back the tears because it hasn't been safe. Safe to be vulnerable and let my body rest.

Let the tears spill out, in a flood that feels like it may never end. That's the safety I want, to know the container is holding me like the most loving friend.

The safety I crave is one where my boundaries are strong and respected. When someone else makes a boundary with me, a huge sigh of relief. I don't have to guess no walking on egg shells. A boundary means I'm responsible for me and I'm not putting that heavy shit on you. It's carrying your own weight. Not weighing others down. I don't want to weigh others down and play games that distract the mind, keep me busy so I don't see the full forest around. I want to be free! The safety of freedom. A friend once said that in a container is where freedom will be. The masculine energy holding space the feminine dancing around with grace. A container that moves and grows. A dance that has neverending flow. Yes, a man and a woman. But also inside me. I learn how to hold my own container, even though I'm so fucking tired as can be. I'm tired, at times I don't want to go on. I'm so tired. I cry. A lay down for a pause. Pick myself back up, perseverance is the game. Lay to rest when I need to re-aim. Trust in the target. Trust in me. The safety of learning how to trust in all that can be. They say God only gives us what we can handle, so I must be really strong. When so many thoughts keep pushing me to see that I don't think I can move on. This has been my life's memory. You chose your story, what do you want to see? Not out of denial, but out of seeing the real me. The weakness I felt is a portal to the divine. Weakness isn't you, it's like a cloth, when you clean it, it shows you where you shine. The safety of a home. A home that feels like home. The feeling I've been cultivating deep within me. I'm safe here. I'm safe to let it all out. I can scream and shout. I can cry and have another by myside. Safe for the kids to play. Safe for friends to come and stay. Healthy is safety because it comes from love. Love is safety, but the real stuff not the other. Not the one where you pretend he's your brother but the second he's gone, you talk smack behind his back. That's not real. That's not safe. That's not responsibility. That's really just cowardly. Talking shit and gossip is cowardice and I want no more part of this. Safety of responsibility. Safety of freedom. Safety of me, when I see myself being a coward, I see it hug it and learn to not be it. Safety of people who don't hide from their emotions. Because can we please just say it, when you hide from yours, it becomes someone else's problem too. Just take a look, I dare you.

Longing is a word born from lack. When I long, I know it my hearts needing to sing. So sing you beautiful being, sing until the longing turns back into me.

[twipsai]

^this is me when someone respectfully disagrees with me btw

ANYWAYS! pls dont take this as me arguing in a mean way or anything, i love Sonic a lot!!! and i like talking about it and i think you bring up a lot of interesting points!!!! so im gonna go over it all in maybe a not super cohesive way???

i wanna start by acknowledging what you said at the start, "the wording of the second bolded point echoes IDW Sonic's wording of his principles in IDW #2 that Amy swoons over" and clarifying that i was referencing It Doesn't Matter from sa1 and sa2,,, (the full lyric is "Don't ask me why; I don't need a reason / I got my way, my own way!), and the reason why i alluded to it is because i was trying to make that connection that Sonic still has the same basic principals that he did during the adventure era, but i guess i wasnt clear enough oops ^^; i honestly completely forgot that theres a reference to that lyric in idw #2 but,, uh, happy accident i guess?

ok now onto my actual thoughts

i actually wanna agree with you on that first part, cuz as i think about it its something that makes a lot of sense and i havent really been able to fully wrap my head around it -- Sonic being reactive to whats in front of him is exactly how he is!!! idk how i didnt realize that before lol

as to what you said to my first point, i think that theres a level of dissonance between the games and comics with the threats theyre dealing with, and it kinda prevents me from explaining myself with examples. this MIGHT be a reach!!!! im sorry if it is BUT im gonna compare satbk and frontiers for a sec, since we're talking about satbk a lot here (as we should. its such a good game)

(and im not sure if youre lumping in Sonic in IDW with Sonic in Frontiers? a lot of people do but. idk maybe you dont lol. for the purposes of my point i will)

i think that there are parallels to be drawn between how Sonic treats Merlina and Sage, vs how he treats King Arthur and The End. he has a lot of patience for Merlina and Sage as he realizes theres a lot more to them besides just wanting to kill him, but he'll still take what they throw at him like he takes anything else. then you compare that to Arthur and The End, and Sonic is like. ready to destroy those guys. and i think that, while Sonic is first and foremost just living in the moment and reacting to what people throw at him, i also think that theres a huge difference between when Sonic is fighting a person and when Sonic is fighting a powerful entity. granted, he didnt know that King Arthur was an illusion, but he did know he was an immortal tyrant associated with hell. i mean. the underworld

i would love to use an example from the comics showing how he does treat similar scaled threats the same way but i. cant! because he doesnt face threats like that in IDW! hes dealing with things like "the dragon is back" and "that girl has psychological issues". the only thing that comes close to the world-ending threat that we see in the games is the metal virus, and it was both a lot more complicated than typical "defeat the bad guy, save the world" that we see in the games. now, that does NOT mean i dont think the games have complex stories but if i delved into every situation Sonic has been put in then we would be here for so long. and i dont wanna do that. so yeag.

basically to sum up my points above, im saying that the reason IDW Sonic has been pretty lax with his enemies, and even tries to help some of them, is because theyre not really the same level of threats as most of the villains he faces in the games. he can deal with them fine without ending them outright, so he doesnt really have an issue with letting them live. hes just kind of easy-going and chill like that. at least thats how i see it, maybe im missing something?

also, to your point that "Sonic doesnt fight for freedom, he fights against oppression" i just. do not agree lol. i mean, hes been associated with the Freedom Fighters since 1993, but theres also some more direct reference to it in reference to specifically Sonic

the Sonic Adventure Stylebook, page 9 (translated) - "He loves freedom and hates crookedness. He is impulsive and short-tempered, but also has a kindness that can't be ignored when someone is in trouble."

Sonic the Hedgehog Encyclo-speed-ia, page 13 - "Sonic is usually laid back and cool, but he's driven to fight injustice - not in the name of the law, but for the ideal of freedom."

and then i WAS going to add more examples, but the wayback machine is down right now so. can i just say source: trust me? sorry i wish i could add more examples :( i dont wanna dwell on this "for freedom or against oppression" point too much though, cuz i honestly think its just kinda arguing semantics. as well as the fact that i feel like both things are true, i just kinda didnt phrase it well in my original post

um. and now i kinda wanna go completely off the rails so please be nice to me but im gonna say something that may be controversial,,, i am of the mind that, because IDW is canon material, then it shouldnt be seen as a different character than how Sonic was written in some earlier games, even if it seems like it. because its just as much as source material as anything else! i really just think that most "out of character" things are more akin to different facets of a character. i think that writing off all of Sonic in IDW because some things he does contradicts what he does in the games is just kinda. idk. i dont like how quick people are to do that. i mean like, i got into Sonic because of IDW, and then i went and played the games and it never really felt any different to me -- just Sonic responding different to different situations. maybe i need to do another read through of IDW! but i really dont think that writing off an entire canon comic series is a good thing to do when looking at the facets of a character's personality. that could just be me

anyways ummmmm yeah i dont really have anything else to say? i dont disagree with everything you said, but there are some things that i dont think are quite right,,, hopefully this all makes more sense than my original post cuz i dont think i did a good job articulating my points

um. idk what else to add. bye bye i hope you at least liked my drawing of a super sad alien

"sonic just wants to be best friends with his enemies"

WRONG thats only in the idw comics. extremely loud incorrect buzzer.

[heretherebedork]

I gotta say, kinnporsche ep 6 really surprised me with how they handled forgiveness. i was thrown off at first with the tone of the episode and then was so disheartened by the first apology scene (literally screamed ‘A FIST BUMP?!!’ lol) but i loved how the writers just knew exactly what they were doing. with each apology, you as the viewer just feel like ‘yeah okay. but…’ and even tho with apology it gets better, and with so much of the episode showing a better side of kinn and a happier porsche, you still feel that until that last scene. kinn apologizes for the first time and porsche says ‘its alright’ but you just feel ‘thats not enough’ and the writers meet you right there and they say ‘yeah its not’ so they have kinn apologize a second time, and its deeper more sincere more serious and we see porsche give a real reaction and a real answer but you just feel. ‘its still not enough’ and the writers again meet you there and say ‘you’re right!! its not!!’ and so they have kinn literally give up the most important thing to him (porsche being by his side) in apology (and specifically in apology not for forgiveness) because that’s what it takes. because we know and the writers know and especially kinn knows it’s not enough for him to apologize, and it’s not enough even for porsche to forgive him, he has to atone. and the fact that porsche doesn’t even confirm his forgiveness at the end!!! like yes he kisses him but even with everything kinn has done for him, given him his freedom!!, i feel like the writers made a choice to show that, even then, porsche is under no obligation to forgive kinn at all (i think he will obviously, or maybe after what happened to kinn, did in that instant)

Oh, anon, you get it. A+.

Porsche talks a big game about forgiveness because he's trying to survive a life or death situation where he is entirely reliant on Kinn and because his feelings for him are growing and he's struggling to find any kind of balance between his growing love and affection (especially for the forest void-dream version of Kinn he's getting to know) and the trauma still haunting the back of his mind when he looks at him.

A huge part of this is the forest void-dream they're in. Neither of one of them feels like himself there. They feel like... who they could have been. Both of them are not who they are but who they wish to be, who they want to be, who they deep down believe they could have been if things had just been different.

Kinn smiles and laughs and jokes and teases and holds Porsche's hand and stays at his side and catches fish in a river and he lives alongside the man he's rapidly coming to love as Porsche forgives and forgets and laughs and splashes and sleeps beneath the stars and kisses the man he's come to love despite himself.

They are in a dream, they are in another place, they are not themselves but they are still themselves and they are blurring lines between reality and fantasy.

And each time Kinn apologizes? He breaks the illusion for Porsche. He drags him back from their little bubble and Porsche would do anything not to leave. While Kinn needs absolution for his crimes, Porsche would rather just forget it happened.

That sincere apology? The way Kinn is reaching out desperately? He's trying to bridge the gap between reality and fantasy and he can see that Porsche isn't quite ready. Porsche still needs that dream, still needs that bubble and that's why he sets him free.

Kinn tries to set Porsche free because he wants him to be happy as he has been in that bubble, in that void, in that dream they've shared and he sees the pain from him each time he brings them back to the real world.

So he tries to leave him behind in the dream, tries to let Porsche live the life he knows he can't because he couldn't stop himself even when he wanted to... but he hopes Porsche can.

Porsche can't, though. Porsche's love goes beyond the dream and into reality despite his pain and despite the struggle still going on and he cannot leave Kinn in the real world for a dream.

[collectionofcherries]

👀couldnt help but notice you talking about hannibal in your billy loomis imagine 👀 also couldnt help but to notice thats in your fandom list 👀 maybe you should shoot your shot with an imagine with hanni 👀

So over on my Naruto blog I did a little fluff piece called Morning Coffee that everyone seemed to enjoy so I thought I'd bring it here. It’s a simple concept, it follows your morning to the start of your cup to the end of it. Hope you enjoy! --- ☕ Morning Coffee ☕

---

written in the mind-frame of a Female!Reader but there are no pronouns mentioned nor gender specific anatomical body parts.  Warnings: None, flirting with the idea of smut but no actual smut. Sexual longing maybe? Word Count: 1,155

--- Hannibal Lecter

   Having coffee with a friend shouldn't have been this stressful, being this stressed in the morning couldn't be good for you but it wasn't like you could help it. How are you supposed to dress for morning coffee with a man who practically lives in three piece suits? Formal? Business casual? Casual casual? Your clothing covered floor seemed to bare no answers as you stared at what you swore was everything you owned...had everything always been this ugly? God! Why did you even propose a breakfast together? Hannibal does dinner but no you had to pitch breakfast to be different and try to impress him, yeah you're sure he'd be impressed by the amount of clothing on the floor. If you'd been like everyone else and just gone for dinner you'd have more time to try on clothes but a look at the clock told you that you had to leave now or you'd be late and that'd be terrible, that'd be rude and Hannibal can't stand people who're rude. However messy your floor was it was worth it for the compliment you got when Hannibal opened his door to greet you. “I don't see you in colour often, red looks lovely on you.”     Well, guess you're wearing red for the rest of your life.     "Oh thank you.” Finds it's way out of your throat as your face is painted the colour that apparently looks lovely on you.     “Please, come in.” He welcomes stepping to the side to allow room.    You never gave much thought to what a foyer could be, yours is technically where you just kick off your shoes and put your keys but this, this was proper foyer. Just the entrance to his house was nice. God it was big too, he could probably rent it out to a poor college kid for like 500 bucks if he wanted not that he looked like he needed the extra money. Did you even know how to say Foyer properly? You bet Hannibal did, without a doubt he knew all those fancy French words--was that word even French? Oh no, what if you were stupid and it wasn't French? What if this wasn't even a foyer? How dumb were you? H-- hands came up to your shoulders jolting you out of your spiral. Hannibal gently pulls the edges of your jacket and you immediately understand. “Thank you.” You repeat once again.    He smiles with a nod as he slides your jacket off of you with your help and hangs it up on a beautiful wood stand you're sure costs more than half your rent. Thinking about how much money was within these walls could make your head spin but that spinning is halted by the soothing tones of his voice. “Lost in thought?” He inquired.    “Uh, just early morning brain fog you know?” You try to bluff.    It's not convincing but he nods anyway. “Perhaps some coffee would help.”     “Sounds good.” You agree.    Following him through his house only furthers your awe, you could spent a lifetime in here just looking at stuff. “I thought it'd be pleasant to make breakfast together instead of having it ready, eating together is one experience but preparing a meal is another entirely.” He explained    The idea of sharing an experience with Hannibal was one that filled you with butterflies, the more you thought about it you didn't think you'd heard of Hannibal cooking with anyone else, maybe the stress of this morning would pay off after all. “I'm not a chef but I'll do my best, what're we making?”     “Uova al purgatorio.” Which leads to a bit of a blank stare on your end, as pretty as it sounds you've got no idea what that means. “It's an Italian dish, eggs in Purgatory.” He explained.    “Sounds interesting.” You quip.    “It is, the name comes from the eggs sitting in a tomato base, the white of the eggs floating within the red sauce giving the illusion of souls trapped within the unknown of Purgatory.” He explains as he prepares the boiling water for your coffee. “Even at breakfast it seems we wonder where our souls go to lay.”     “Well makes sense for Italy home of the Pope, I'm sure there's religious overtones at most meals.”    He smiles a little and nods. “During my time in Italy it truly does surround you, it's an interesting feeling, almost euphoric to be encapsulated by it at every

turn.” He remarked.    “Wow, you spent time in Italy? It looks beautiful there.” You say, trying to stray a little further from the religious aspect, you don't exactly know where Hannibal falls on that spectrum and the last thing you want to do is come across rude or disrespectful to him. “Coffee smells great.” You add as he pours the boiling water into his very fancy looking French Press.    Your attempt to change subjects doesn't go unnoticed at all but he once again nods as he looks at you. “Yes, I traveled quite a bit in my youth, I called Italy my home for some time.” He explains.     “Do you ever miss it?” You ask    “I take with me what I relish in the places I've been, while I may no longer be surrounded by the Primavera or the walls of Santa Maria della Concezione dei Cappuccini they are ever present in my mind, reproduced with the utmost detail.” You could listen to Hannibal talk all day, it wouldn't matter what he said you just like the way he said things, the timbre of his voice. “Have you ever given thought to travelling?” He prodded.    “Course, who doesn't think about travelling? See far off places, experience new people, new things, different cultures.” You reminisce.    “What stops you?”     You shrug a little. “Funds mainly but I'd want to take the time to learn the language of where I'm going, understand the culture so I don't offend anyone. I don't want to be one of those tourists that makes an ass out of themselves.” You said cringing at the end.    “It's considerate to take the time to understand a culture you will not live in, many go on whims like they're visiting amusement parks.” He agreed. “Would Italy be a place you'd like to visit or would you find their taste for religion leaving a sour taste in your mouth?” He asked.    Did you really think you'd get out of a question Hannibal wanted answered? You shrugged a little once again trying to make sure you phrase things that wouldn't step on toes that were in shoes that likely cost more than your rent. “I'm unsure...I don't know if my broader and more open views would be welcome in the narrower scope of such a religious place and I wouldn't want to impose myself or my views upon anyone.” You slowly clamber out as he pours two cups of what smells like incredibly coffee. “Thank you.” You quickly add as you take it from his hands.    “While I do know you enough to welcome you into my home, I'm not sure if I know you well enough to know of the open views you believe would be scrutinized under the gaze of the Church. Do you speak a broader view of all religions? Racial rights? Sexual appetite?”     You stomach almost leaps into your throat at the last question, talking sexual appetites with someone who could feed that said appetite for the rest of your life? How were you supposed to talk about that? You didn't want to impose but you certainly didn't want to miss any chance of feeding that appetite. “All of the above, you know?” You pitch at first. “I'm a big believer in religious freedoms for everyone, from anywhere--just freedom for everyone in general.” You tackle first, that's the more important one and the one that won't get you into any trouble. “And um--yeah I suppose my sexual appetite wouldn't please the Church.” You say with a small laugh breaking your gaze from Hannibal and down at your coffee cup. “Not exactly a born again virgin.” Smooth. Great job. Wow. Fuck. Maybe you could drown yourself in this coffee? You take a sip and to spite being too shy to ask for sugar or milk this coffee is great, actually smooth. Unlike you. “This is great, what is this?” You try.    Why do you try? He always notices, you're luckier than you know that it endlessly amuses him rather than annoys him. “It's Peaberry Coffee from Tanzania, it's a rounder sweeter bean, almost tea like.” He explains, allowing for a moment for you to believe you've somehow fooled him into letting his prior question go thoroughly unanswered. “It can take a more refined palette to taste all the notes.” He remarks.    “I don't know how refined mine is, I just know it's nice.”

You admit with a small laugh.    “Usually our tongues know more than we think, close your eyes and allow the flavours to dance over your tongue.” He instructed.    Hannibal could tell you to jump off a cliff and if he said it nice enough you probably would. You take a small breath and take another sip and try your damnest to impress Hannibal if only even a little but as you swallow you know your guesses are little more than shots in the dark. “It's sweet...kind of like a berry...?” You weakly pitch.    You're not wrong but Hannibal can tell your guess isn't confident. “Do you know you have a habit of coming in on yourself when you're unsure of what you're saying?” He asks letting you know he's been on to you for much longer than you would have hoped. He comes around from his large kitchen island to stand in front of you and you fight the urge to step back and away which only adds to how hard your heart beats in your chest. “Coming in on ones self allows negative neurons to fire, by simply lifting your head you'll allude more confidence and though red looks lovely on you so does that.” That compliment alone made your head spin so his next action of bringing his warm hand up to gently lift your head? Your entire body felt weak. It was laughable that the simple touch of his thumb resting on your chin and his forefinger below it could have such an effect on you, looking up at him him with unsure eyes as to where this went next was laughable to him. You were putty in his hands, vulnerable in every meaning of the word. "Try again, close your eyes and when you take a sip allow it to work around your mouth, to explore every inch of your tongue.”    Was this porn? This could be porn, this might as well be porn as far as your body was concerned apparently. It took you a moment to actually get your limbs to move and grab your coffee again and it felt good to close your eyes, you liked Hannibal but being so close and having him stare back at you was overwhelming. And he knew it, there was something very satisfying about your kind of vulnerability, it was raw and open for him to touch and mold with his hands. You brought the cup to your lips and took another sip and once again tried to find a defined note in this coffee and maybe it was having your head tilted up, maybe it was having him so close but an answer did come from your mouth. “Cedar?”    Opening your eyes you knew you'd gotten it right by the contented look you were rewarded with. "I had a hunch your tongue knew more than you were letting on.” He teased.    He let his thumb trail back and forth on your chin before moving it away and your head felt like it was floating. “What does your tongue taste? I'm sure it's much more experienced than mine.”     You're sure if you didn't feel so floaty such a blatantly flirty question wouldn't have come out of you but it seemed to fly just fine as a small amused breath made it's way out of him. “Your assumption would be correct.” He let you know. “The notes in this coffee I've become very acquainted with over the years so it wouldn't be much of an exercise in taste for me to tell you them all. Perhaps another breakfast we could expand upon both our tongues.” Your entire body clenched and you had to practically drown out your whine of want by taking a sip of your coffee. “For now we'll be expanding on yours, come, wash up I'll show you how to make uova al purgatorio, a taste from my past.” He said walking back around the kitchen island.    You follow him around the island and with one last sip put your empty coffee cup into the sink. --- ~Admin Coral 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?

[satonthelotuspier]

Jiang Cheng

The Boy Who Couldn’t Please Everyone - or - The Boy Who Was Failed by Everyone.

So, the absolute core of Jiang Cheng’s existence is his family; there’s not much arguing that he and Jiang Yanli are the same in that respect.

And the theme of his life is being pulled in myriad directions by myriad people for their own ends. No one ever just let Jiang Cheng be Jiang Cheng, until maturity made him his own man, and by that point he was a bitter, twisted version of himself who had gone through too much.

From the moment Wei Wuxian came into their lives Lotus Pier was shaped to accommodate him. We all know Jiang Cheng loved his dogs, but Wei Wuxian was scared of them, so they had to go, I don’t need to explain to pet owners/animal people how heartbreaking this would have been, especially to a small child, he had to share his bedroom, his private safe space, and his father showered Wei Wuxian with the affection and attention and regard that he never ever seemed to give to Jiang Cheng, his own son.

I’m not for even a second saying that Jiang Fengmian shouldn’t show affection for Wei Wuxian, it’s entirely possible to love someone not of your own blood as you do your own child, but if you don’t give the same attention and regard to your own child just because of the woman whose womb bore him, (if we believe what Yu Ziyuan accuses him of), then you’re a pretty shitty parent. Perhaps we should take what an estranged wife says with a pinch of salt, but in the end Jiang Cheng still felt like his own father didn’t love him as much as Wei Wuxian, which means he was a failure as a parent. 

Jiang Cheng is unarguably emotionally insecure, probably as a direct result of his parent’s marriage and their attutides to him.

Basically Wei Wuxian’s arrival was the start of a lifetime cycle of loss, always linked back to Wei Wuxian, starting with his pets and his own father.

And despite this Jiang Cheng undoubtedly loved this usurper like a brother. They grew up together and to all intents and purposes Wei Wuxian was his brother, just not by blood, and therefore under his protection. “If there are any dogs, I’ll chase them away for you” - even though he had to give his own dogs away because of this cuckoo in the nest he was still willing to protect him with everything he had.

He grew up in a tight knit sibling trio, but he also grew up being the bone of contention between his parents; YZY would accuse JFM of being more of a father to the child of his friends than his own son, to the point that people questioned whether WWX was JFM’s, and she said this time and time again in front of her own son. Way to screw him up, parents.

He was basically a weapon she used against her husband, who, instead of dealing with her and protecting his son from being so used, virtually ignored her and let her continue, only ever coming to WWX’s defence and never questioning what damage was being caused to JC. 

So YZY constantly filled Jiang Cheng’s mind with poison and tried to turn him against Wei Wuxian, a boy he loved like his own brother; he was a trouble causer, he would hurt the sect, he would hurt JC’s future and he had to listen to his mother tear WWX to pieces, watch her bully WWX, and whenever he tried to defend him JC was shouted down and hey, you have to listen to your mother, be a filial son and shut up.

Is there any wonder this kid didn’t know which way his head was screwed on when he was piggy in the middle of this hate triangle? He was literally pulled three ways in his own family before he even got out into the wider world.

Lets go to Cloud Recesses. JC was boring, being the voice of reason, trying to spoil WWX’s fun with his constant talk of the rules and not upsetting the Lans.

Well of course, as the Jiang heir he had to be. He understood he was under a weight of expectation and had to be seen to behave in a certain way; he was representing his sect and any shenanigans reflect badly on Yunmeng Jiang. WWX had much more freedom to cause hijinks as the head disciple, not a Jiang by blood, and lets face it JFM would only ever apologise, not scold, no matter what he got up to. If we examine what WWX said, something along the lines of “You’ve already buried my corpse so many times, whats once more?” we see while JC might have occasionally gotten dragged into WWX’s schemes he was also the one to have to apologise for him, to mop up after him. He’s the younger brother and he always had to be the adult on behalf of them both because thats just WWX, what a little scamp eh? WWX just does what WWX wants. If only JC had that freedom.

He loves WWX like a brother, but there’s no wonder he’s so jealous of the other, being better without trying, automatically handed all the things JC should have gotten too, it would be fair to think there would be a small part of JC that hated WWX’s guts, even in their teens.

We all know how the story progresses, and the loss the trio suffers, the culling of the Jiang sect, JYL’s tragic death, but lets discuss one of the hidden things WWX could be considered to have stolen from him.

His sacrifice.

Lets be under no illusions, Jiang Cheng was fully aware what he did when he drew the Wen guards away from WWX in Yiling; he was sacrificing his own life to protect his brother, a brother who had already taken so much from him; but he still loved to the point of being willing to die for him. He expected nothing but death but Wei Wuxian ruined it all and even one-upped him by rescuing him half-dead and sacrificing his golden core. He hadn’t even been allowed to outshine his brother in his greatest moment of self-sacrifice.

If WWX had told the truth at that point, shared what had happened with his golden core JC would have been hurt, but likely he would have gotten over it; and you have to wonder would the other sects have been able to drive a wedge between them if he’d had the full facts of how indebted he was to WWX, and WQ.

Instead he didn’t understand, JC was still being pulled all ways by all people for their own purposes, the sect leaders were whispering in his ear about WWX and the Wens, playing on his grief and his hatred. 

Lets not forget he wasn’t much more than a child at this point who’d never had to stand on his own, used to trying to keep the peace between his parents, surrounded by men manipulating him for their own ends. He was the young  sect leader of a regenerating sect, and big shots like Jin Guangshan were tutting and theorising what foul deeds the Yiling Patriarch was up to at the Burial Mounds, backed up by the baying mob, and no one saw JGS’s secret agenda for what it was, and they put this young man, who had no support whatsoever, under so much pressure to ditch his shixiong was there any surprise he caved in in the end? He was a grieving, lonely kid who had always been part of a trio or a duo, and he was on his own.

He absolutely should have stood by WWX, we all agree with that, but  conversely WWX never stood by JC, his account was settled with the golden core; he didn’t need to stay and help him rebuild Yunmeng Jiang like he promised because, pat on the back, he’d already given JC so much, job done, account settled. WWX is about the big gestures, gotta save the world, the little things don’t matter, like promises and family. It was even WWX’s selfishness, not wanting to have to deal with JC knowing, that kept the information of his golden core from him.

So yes, JC spent most of his life trying to please everyone, meet everyones expectations of him, from his parents and his brother, to the other sect leaders, basically to be used by most every one of them.

And he was equally failed by everyone. His parents, instead of nuturing him, used him to hurt each other, WWX took and took from him until there was nothing left, lied to him and kept him in the dark about something so hugely important because he couldn’t be bothered to deal with JC knowing, even his sister deserted him; and the sect leaders who should have supported him and been the voices of reason, who could have mentored him, like Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue, seem to have disconnected their righteous brains for this entire period of the story.

Thank goodness for Jin Ling, or else JC would have ended up with nothing.

[themoonstarwarrior]

PLAYLIST SHUFFLE TAG!

Okay, so @viterbofangirl tagged me in this and I need to start learning to post my own shit, so what the hell, why not?

Rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 15 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

(I couldn’t stop at 10 so I added 5 more, sue me)

I have very random music taste and I listen to my music on shuffle alot, so I made a playlist of the ones I like the most (that way I don’t hafta skip 150 songs to get to the one I feel like) so I’m gonna use that one.

1) History of Violence - Theory of a Deadman

Hoo boy starting off light huh?.... Yeah so, I was in the drive thru at Sonic when I first heard this on the radio and was immediately like “holy shit”. Instead of like metaphors and poetic subtlety, it’s just straight up like “here’s a poor abused woman who resorted to murdering her shitty boyfriend/husband cuz she couldn’t take it dum dum dum”. Even though the actual situation is not the same, this song is perfect for getting across the internal issues and turmoil of my character Mikey. Its so perfect I’m even planning to animate something for it...... if I ever get around to learning animation that is.....     

2) The Vengeful One - Disturbed

Two songs in and I look kinda emo.... But hey this song is soooooo cathartic! I love me a good heavy rock song, and the drums and electric guitar are perfect for my ears to absorb. This song gives off a feeling of overwhelming power mixed with a coldness and disdain for the bad in the world. Obviously, thats not my usual temperment, but its an interesting one to explore! Especially when I’m trying to get into the head of characters that exude that like my OCs Spark or Ryu. Plus its fun to sing in the car X)

3) Enter Sandman - Metallica

Okay this one is just a classic! Same thing with the drums and guitar they both slap SOOOOO GOOD. I don’t really associate this song with any of my characters or fandom favorites, but it DOES give me a super strong urge to learn the drums. EXXXXXXXXIT LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! OFF TO NEVER NEVERLAND!!

4) We Are Giants - Lindsey Stirling ft. Dia Frampton

I don’t really to listen to music by band or artist, but I LOVE Lindsey Stirling!!! She’s probably my favorite musician! This is such a good song, especially for someone like me. Its a positive song that talks about feeling alone in a crowd and unimportant to the world, but how you really do matter and shouldn’t be afraid to dream big and shoot for the stars. It really speaks to me and the vocalization is so good (especially for singing), not to mention the official music video is animated and AMAZING!

5) Cetus - Lensko NCS

I dunno if anyone knows this song, but damn its good. Its one of those Royalty-Free songs that people look up for their channels, which is how I found it in the first place, but I loved it immediately. Its a peppy 8-bit electronic bop that turns a little Irish jig at the end and honestly I think if I ever start an animation channel I’m totally gonna use it! (Also go support Lensko he make good beats!)

6) Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru

I did not grow up with Kingdom Hearts, and only played KH2 within the past year n’ a half. But good God, the moment that Cinematic Opening came on and this song started playing I swear I astral projected into a daze of feelings without names. I know that “Simple and Clean” is the quintessential Kingdom Heart song that gives everyone feelings, but IMHO Sanctuary blows it out of the water. As beautiful as the animation was, or how curious the occasional backwards lyrics are, or how weird it is having high-res Goofy and Donald in what is essentially an anime opening, I really can’t be distracted from this song when I play.

7) Chemical Plant Zone (Rock Remix) - Zerobadniks

Chemical Plant Song is like, one of the TOP Sonic songs by popular vote (and we know how awesome the Sonic series is musically so thats saying something!), but I could never quite vibe with the normal 8-bit version. I think I first heard this as someone’s ringtone and was immediately like “THATS PERFECT THATS EXACTLY HOW I NEED IT!”. The rock makes the song soooo much better and honestly gives the song the perfect vibe. Unfortunately, it took FOREVER to find cuz none of the Rock Covers of this song were the right one. In fact, tbh, I’m not even sure whether Zerobadniks is the correct artist..... that’s just who everybody was crediting when I found it. 

(imma include the link i found since its a little hard to find: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqJiZEM6aPI )

8) The Wolf - SIAMES

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEOS???? THIS IS A GOD-TIER ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO. I found the video first, and seriously, if you haven’t seen it YOU NEED TO!!! The beat works perfectly with the images on screen and the story being portrayed is really intriguing, with the lyrics adding to atmosphere without necessarily describing the visuals shown. Even without the animation, the song itself is a banger. It bring to mind the feeling of intense motion forward, but unable to decide whether its movement TOWARD something or AWAY from something. I love listening to this on a nighttime drive.

9) Burn the House Down - AJR

If you ask me, the best way to make a pop song better is to add either violins or trumpets. For this song, it was definitely the trumpets that first caught my attention, and the rest of the song kept me listening. I don’t really know how to describe the vibe of this song, and I don’t have a specific character or story in mind when I listen to it, so its a little hard for me to talk about it. I think the best way I can describe this song and what draws me to it is a feeling of nonchalant go-with-the-flow attitude to shenaniganry. Almost an undertone of “We’re hooligans in a situation that we probably should get out of, but hey we’ve got life and each other so why worry?” At least that’s the closest I can get to a verbal description heh...

10) Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell - The Offspring 

DANCE, FUCKER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!!

So this also has a KICKASS animated music video, but its technically combined with the song “Dividing by Zero”. Now the video works SO well with both, and the shifting artstyles reflect the differing tones of the songs PERFECTLY. However, I have a preference for both the animation and the song on the Slim Pickens half. Its fun to listen to and sing at the top of your lungs and its SO CATHARTIC. Again I cant really describe what my head does when I hear it, but I think you can probably feel a similar vibe if you watch the music video. 

11) No Heaven - DJ Champion

The first time I finished the original Borderlands, I had been playing for days on end, had just finished a long battle with the Destroyer, and sitting back relieved to have beaten it and reflecting on how much I had enjoyed the adventure. Then this song started playing. For what I believe was forty minutes this song looped on my TV while the credits rolled. By the time the credits finished I was pulling up the song to listen to again! What an absolutely PERFECT cherry to add to this experience. This song perfectly encapsulated the chaotic, trigger-happy, morally ambiguous craziness that I had enjoyed and absorbed in this game. Every time I hear it now, I imagine myself in the wastelands of Pandora, driving haphazardly across the sandy dunes as my companions and I shoot and blow up everything in sight. You know, living the dream.......     

12) Hit & Run (Wolfgang Lohr Remix) -  The Electric Swing Circus

I fucking LOVE electro-swing! The electronic beats and rhythm blend so well with the wild and energetic freedom of swing. A lot of electro-swing gives me a vibe of wild movement, reckless abandon, and freedom from constraint. I think this song melds all of these feelings the best! As the last song might have indicated, despite my general nice and sweet temperament, there is a part of me deep down that is an absolute gremlin secretly enamored with chaos, insanity, and a general disdain for law and authority X). But whereas anything Borderlands related has a more “morality is an illusion blowing shit up is real” air about it, this song is far more peppy. More of a “good-hearted but insane” type of chaos, like an 100mph car chase where you end up sailing over the train tracks JUST as the train passes.

.... I may have gotten a bit off track lol 

13) Kickstart my Heart - Motley Crue

I love this song, but I have to be VERY careful when and where I listen to this. I love songs that make me feel like I’m going a million miles per hour, like I’m gotdam Sonic the Hedgehog. Unfortunately, I may or may not have had multiple instances of listening to this song in the car and abruptly realizing that I’m going like 15mph above the speed limit...... So yeah, regardless of absolutely perfect it feels to play this song while speeding down a nearly empty highway, please be careful and drive responsibly!!!

14) I’m Born to Run - American Authors

Imma just up and say it. This song is a Sonic song; like not like actually from the series but a song for the character. This song encapsulates Sonic as a character better than some of his ACTUAL THEMES (and remember Sonic music are bangers!). Its a song about freedom, living life as it comes, and not letting anything slow you down. Frankly I’m surprised they didn’t make this song FOR the Sonic series, or even the movie! Speaking of which, ironically I heard this song right after watching the Sonic movie in theaters, so yeah there’s no way I can associate it with anything else. 

15) Opa Opa - Antique

Oh, what a PERFECT way to end this list! This may be one of my absolute favorite songs of all time! I don’t remember exactly how I found this song... I think I had just relistened to Dalar Mehndi’s “Tunak Tunak Tun” and was looking for other catchy non-english songs and BOY HOWDY I found one! I know nothing about the band or what the song’s about (its in greek and i dont speak it), but this song is just a masterpiece of retro, pop, and dance sounds. This song feels like the musical and lyrical manifestation of dance and movement. I really REALLY wish I could dance JUST so I can express how happy and free this song makes me feel! This is the BEST song for me to end this list with!

***********************************************************************************

JESUS, this got long..... Sorry about that XD. It was fun though, and hopefully somebody was vaguely interested in my ramblings.

Guess I need to tag people now? How about @tharkflark1, @rockmilkshake, @neonbuck, @drawingsdrawingseverywhere, @birthgiverofbirds, @puccafangirl, @kalcat, @biblestudybussybopsbabey, @monstrous-milktea, and @memecage! I think there are a couple of people here I haven’t talked to though soooooo..... hi, I hope you don’t mind the tag X)

 Anyway hope you enjoyed and/or want to do this too! This took for-fucking-EVER to type, so imma go fuck off and watch youtube or something now...

[shemakesmusic-uk]

INTERVIEW: ALA.NI

UK-born, Paris-based artist ALA.NI will be releasing her upcoming sophomore album ACCA on January 24.  

ACCA consists primarily of dense, harmonically intricate vocal arrangements with sparse or no instrumental backing at all. It’s the followup to ALA.NI’s debut 2017 album You & I and while some critics made comparisons to the likes of Ella Fitzgerald and Judy Garland, the infectious beats and rhythmic tunes on ACCA owe more to Dr. Dre and Errol Dunkley than Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughan.

ALA.NI initially envisioned her second album as a completely a capella project, and indeed ACCA is made up almost entirely of human voices (beatboxing serves as percussion, and she lowered her own vocals with an octavizer on several tracks to create the illusion of bass).

Along with Iggy Pop, Lakeith Stanfield (Sorry to Bother You, Atlanta, Get Out), makes an appearance on the album, but make no mistake: ACCA is pure ALA.NI. She wrote, produced, and arranged each song herself, layering up hundreds of vocal tracks in order to create an immersive, hypnotic world that blurs the lines between vibrating vocal cords, bowed strings, and blown reeds.

We had a chat with ALA.NI more about the story behind ACCA and the making of the record, collaborating with Iggy Pop, her struggles in the industry and more. Read the full interview below.

ACCA is dropping in just under two weeks. What is the record about lyrically and what does it mean to you?

"Lyrically, I speak on love of course, but from situations like the abusive relationship of a friend ('Hide'), my definition of love ('Wales'), a relationship in turmoil ('Van P'). 'Papa' was a poem for a friend that took a journey, via Mexico, into becoming a song. 'Le Diplomate' encounters a brief encounter with a french diplomate. I wrote about segments of my life."

You & I was written a capella but ACCA was created completely using a vocals-only technique which I think is so awesome and creative. What inspired you to make the record this way and what was your favourite part of the creative process?

"I always write a capella but with visions of instrumentation around it. With the ACCA album, the first song that made me feel confident that I could make a whole album based just around my voice, was 'Le Diplomate'. I wrote it for the man himself. It was not intended to be a song, but after I reviewed it and impressed myself with my mouth trumpet noises, I was convinced that I could conceive a whole album like this. I like working with parameters, so no instruments was a good one. Although after 3 months away from the studio recording process and some deep consideration and after being told by my mentor that it can't be "the ALA.NI show", I decided to add some subtle additions in the way of a male voice and low end instruments to the compositions. Accordion, bass clarinet, electric bass. Producing for me is like cooking. You add and taste, add and taste. Balancing the flavours out all the way.

"The process was...well I often used the words, "a brain fuck!!!!". It was a lonely process too. I had some stages with other musicians, but that was only for about 10% of the studio time, for the rest, it was just me and the engineer. My favourite part of the process was putting down the vocals. I love harmonising, so that was so satisfying....the rest has literally turned my hair grey! Ha!"

You & I had very much a a jazzy kind of vibe but the tracks from ACCA so far have a fuller and more upbeat sound.

"I never said ever, ever that I was a jazz singer. I have never wanted to limit myself like that, as I know I have many different ways and styles to express the music in me. The ACCA album allowed me to enter more into being able to move my body. I was stuck behind a stagnant mic for so long. I think that was the real reason for giving myself some beats."

You collaborated with legend Iggy Pop on a track for the album. How did that come about? We hear he is a big fan of yours?

"He is just too cool and cute and so incredibly giving of himself. I saw him perform recently in London and I felt so touched and happy and proud to watch this man at 72 do his shit! Damn! What an inspiration. He is a fan and I am so blessed to have his support. I literally got my people to ask his people if he'd like to collaborate and he simply said "yes". I went out to Miami to record him at his studio and it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. Directing Iggy Pop in the booth..."erm Mr. Pop, can you do that again please, the last take was shite!!!" Ha!

"He actually said this about me recently on his radio show...

"I worked as a guest once on one of her tracks and she came to America to produce it and brought a whole suitcase full of incredible microphones with her and she’s a perfectionist, her attention to detail is daunting and I had to toe the line, she’s tough."

"It's not true...honest..."

What do you hope fans will take away from ACCA?

"I have no idea. I can't control their ears or minds. I just made the music my heart wanted to make. I'm just happy to have them receive it...words from my heart. Whether they think its good or bad has nothing to do with me. You can't please everybody."

This is true! So, do you have plans to tour ACCA and if so, how will you translate the record on to the stage?

"This exercise too has been a head fuck. I have decided to go for cello, accordion and beatboxer for my live set up. Cello has a voicing that is very close to the human voice, so it works well and is so versatile as an instrument. Accordion has been a treat to work with. I never thought I'd be working with such an instrument, but it too is versatile and adds a very distinctive tone and texture to the music. I had to convert 300+ vocal parts into instrument parts, which was a fun (not) exercise. Beatboxer can do the most craziest things with his mouth. We are all learning to make mouth noises. Its a nice bunch of us on the road. I'm happy to be around good hearted, passionate people to make music with."

You've been in the industry a few years now. What challenges, if any, have you faced? And how did you overcome them?

"Hahahahahah!!!! It's daily and it seems to get worse the more I push to change the norm. Females are hugely under represented in the music industry, so its a daily struggle. I basically manage, produce, create myself, so its not an easy task I have given to myself.

"I don't have a tour manager, because I hate the fact that when I arrive at a venue, no one talks to me when I do have one. They only liaise with the "male manager" and not the artist. They are not used to dealing directly with the artist, especially a female one who knows exactly how she wants her gear set up. Oh, the fights I've had just to have my monitor where i like it. Its pathetic!"

That is absolutely ridiculous! But sadly, many women in the industry have similar stories. If there was one thing you could change about the music world today, what would it be?

"More tits, less dicks!"

Amen! You have had such an impressive career so far. What has been the biggest highlight for you to date and what are you looking forward to in 2020 and beyond?

"I remember nothing. I do the shit and I move the fuck on. I'm terrible like this. I like to be present and forward thinking.

"My career and life are so inter-twined, that for me, I keep it simple...I am just happy everyday to be alive and to be blessed enough to be able to do the work of my hearts calling. Thats all i ask for. To be able to continue to do the things i want to do....freedom."

ACCA arrives January 24.

Photo credit: Martin-oger Daguerre

[gg-astrology]

Ajdjskf hello friend!! I know you might be bogged down with asks atm but I was wondering what you think about someone with a sagittarius sun and cancer moon? It doesn't have to be a whole lot 🤧 also is it okay if I rant about something too? Kind of get something off my chest lol I hope you're doing okay and had a good say today! 💕💕💕

Hello friend!! 💕💕 Don’t worry I want to collect em’ combinations 💕💕 

[Below Cut: Sagittarius Sun - Cancer Moon 🌘]

Most noticeable thing for me about this placement is their curiosity, it’s because they’re incredible learners -- often retaining information and absorbing things quickly it makes them curious characters for me 

They’re not like-- outright about it, they’re the type to sit you down and show interest in what you’re saying. Engaged listeners, they truly have the ability to both care and be practical about it at the same time.

Will repeat what you said to you and try to clarify, they’re the type to learn things quickly step-by-step. As long as the core foundation is good, they feel confident in exploring/making up explorations themselves

I think they’re similar to Geminis when they’re like this. But less flippant or candid, Sagittarius/Cancer are a little more subtle. A little more observant of other people, they learn how to read information from others as well as process whether they should believe it or not at the same time. 

Self-study is a thing like, these people can often be very resourceful. The type to utilize the Library or find places/people they can gain context from. 

These people are pretty flexible people, often receptive to new information and social climate. These people eyes light up when they discover new areas of exploration/studies, and although they approach it with fascination-- they like to keep pace with themselves and try to work through it with quiet determination/intrigue. 

This is because they’re daring but also astute, they’re freedom-loving but also intuitive. They’re careful--- often looking left and right before making a decision. But they’re also inventive and creative. They like to tie these things together in a neat little package. Underneath their curious/love-learning nature is their emotionality and fluidity to their persona. Which makes them really stable and emotionally receptive friend (feels self-assured, like they can hold themselves dependable and thus makes people come to them)

Their emotionality is often their strongest point, because it gives them good judgement on people they surround themselves with. Intuitively, they’re pretty sharp. Can pick up someone with an ulterior/bad motive from a while away. Their self-preservation is incredible, but it might not be a good thing all the time since they may be too careful/cautious and lose opportunities with people socially (who aren’t going to wait for them). 

How they feel about something/someone is part of their survival instinct, they know when/how to utilize it best (people who are untrustworthy or is going to let them down).

They might not like to ill-prepared, they get queasy/sick when they’re completely blind-sided by something someone else throws at them and ‘expect’ them to do well (like an unexpected presentation, etc) 

They don’t want to look bad in front of people, disappointing others feels  like letting themselves down. They want to be more than that, which is why they work hard to be firmer, grasp better at certain things so they can help. They want to put their best foot forward always. 

It’s mostly to do with how their heart is. They have a good heart, but Cancer Moon likes to be emotionally in-control even when they’re FEELING so much emotions. 

It’s this good-hearted nature in them that they exude tranquility to others around them, yet at the same time. It can also be holding them back.

They exercise a lot of caution because of this emotional Cancer, not letting themselves (their Sag) get too far ahead or behind. They don’t like losing focus, yet at the same time they fear they’ll get out of hands. 

It can feel restraining to the person, walking at their own pace feeling at their own time. Yet they fear a lot of things, in the past and future because they want to be themselves/have autonomy/be in control. So a lot of the time, the leash they keep on their Sagittarius gets tighter and tighter until they pull back into themselves completely. 

They may often feel like they have high ideals, romanticism nature to them because of Sagittarius’s hopeful nature and Cancer’s receptivity to ideas. Alot of people in these placements feel like their head is in the clouds-- and that’s when the Cancer Moon feels threatened and tries to loop the Sagittarius in closer to itself.

The problem isn’t with the idealizing of things, or feeling hopeful/optimistic about certain situations. It’s that they can get complacent with themselves, often settling for less than what they deserve because they don’t want to ‘get too high up in the clouds’. 

Their insights and sound judgement aren’t compromised because of their high ideals-- it’s compromised because they restrict themselves. They’re highly sensitive, and this can backfire on them because they tend to think they’re delusional, they’re illusions, they’re taking things too far maybe?

They put themselves down without realizing it because they’d rather be the one to cut their own legs than let anybody else cut theirs (again, fear of people’s expectations and living up to said expectations)

Recognizing that this is part of their sensitivity, part of their emotional fear helps them also realize that it’s not very good for them. It’s not very practical for them is it? And it doesn’t allow them to grow (complacency by self-imposed fears) 

Thus they can’t give themselves the credit they deserve because they’re acting like a 🤡 about it.

Paranoia is paranoia--- don’t let it control you. Sometimes identifying fears, emotionality and the worst part of your emotionality that’s inflicting your fears/control issues should be addressed (whenever you’re ready). 

If the person works on taking away their complacency, their allowing these things to happen to them (may just need a good hard sitting down -bluntly and talking to from a trusted friend/person) 

They will have a ‘waking up’ moment and get their shit together (for a while, anyways).

Get a good friend, a practical friend. Let them smack some senses into you. Usually, having different perspective that are less emotional than yours is without all the fluffer and sensitivity issues you have, would generally help with you reaching out to other people and curbing these fears.

If the Sag/Cancer wants a ‘waking up’ moment so much, they’ll have to learn how to activate it/methods for doing so.

I hope this is good 💕💕 And helpful for you!! 💕💕 Good luck with everything!! 💕💕

[radmista]

Religion traumatizes so many people. And I feel like our and the younger generation experience such a stronger disconnect and internal turmoil bc of the access to the outside world. Our mothers didn't have that as easily while growing up indoctrinated into religion and its rules. It was almost everything they knew, if they felt unhappy or at odds/conflicted it could easily be smashed down by the community as most of who they knew also are part of the same religion following the same rules. The newer generations can see the world outside their cult or strict religion, they see that there's people who live outside of it and that there is freedom from it. But during the first what 12ish years of their life, religious indoctrination is all they knew. It already shaped and molded them, religion damages your brain, shrinks and makes it harder to engage in critical thinking.

So when these young girls, on their phones with unsupervised access to social media for the first time, finding gender ideology makes sense. It's the easiest stepping stone away from their religious cult without truly leaving the shackles and damage it did to you behind. Subconsciously or not, they're scared to leave what they knew and lived for so long of their life (the woman in the post was 21 before even cutting her hair!) Gender ideology gives them the illusion that they're stepping away, giving them a taste of freedom while placating their mind that it's still okay it still follows "The Rules". The rules of gender in religion and in trans ideology are (un)shockingly very similar. Trans ideology just allows you to "switch" teams, as long as you still adhere to the rules of each gender.

You're a man in your soul, so of course that's why you want short hair and want to wear man clothes. You weren't ever a woman, thats why women clothes and women hair felt confining. Not because your religion was horrificly stifling and sexist, that would be too hard to accept and internalize. It would be agony to step back and realize and acknowledge your family, the community you were raised in, abused you and stifled who you were. It didn't allow you to be comfortable in yourself or even be yourself because some unknown spector in the sky said this is what women have to be. Trans ideology tells you the unknown spector in your body called a soul must've just gotten mixed up, so that means it's okay to dress up how you want bc you're just matching on the outside what your soul is on the inside. It doesn't challenge your upbringing to its core, it allows your mind the mental peace of not having to confront that everything you were raised in was abuse.

This is why trans ideology is not really any more "freeing to be in than any other religious cult. This is why so many trans individuals, especially trans identified females (especially lesbian ones) flock to the trans cult. The cult of trans gives them yet another nebulous thing to believe in to fill the void of their initial "God" while allowing them to dress how they want, they just have to say they're a man. Which again, still fits with their original religions upbringing and rules: that men dress in pants and shirts and have practical short hair (and are inherently respected), and the women wear dresses/skirts and uncomfortable shoes and have to have long beautiful hair and be properly feminine. Except they will find out too late that just saying you're a man doesn't make you a man, nor does it grant you anywhere near the kind of respect that society automatically gives males. And hint: its because you still are and will always be female in societies eyes.

This is heartbreaking. OP doesn't even realize she's furthering the gender roles that were inflicted onto her from birth. She's not breaking free, she's making the prison more cozy.

[superemeralds]

I don't really understand why everyone is waiting for a sonic adventure sequel. The adventure series has ended years ago and it's perfectly normal for SEGA to prioritize new original games like Sonic Forces. I'd rather wait for a new fresh, creative game than a sequel they would have a huge chance of messing up (like they pretty much did with Sonic 06, but i still like the game tho). But what if they made a one (officially)? What would be a good new sonic adventure game for you? (i'm curious xp)

for the last time they didnt mess up with 06 !!!!!!!!!!! they didnt do anything wrong!!!!!!!1 it was just lots of events that couldnt be stopped inconveniencing the production and in the end they just didnt have the time and resources to flesh the game out; if they did have time and help they could’ve totally made this game revolutionary :(

content:

what i hoped/theorized forces would be

why forces looks like an adventure game, but isnt an adventure game

what i want in a new sonic adventure game (doesnt need adventure in the title)

lemme just sum up why i think forces is lacking and what i thought it would be when the first trailer dropped

I thoguht we’d get a 3 story game again. where each character shows us a different perspective of the same story.

I thoguht sonic story was about sonic fighting the eggman empire and infinite, perhaps being trapped in infinites illusions and breaking out after noticing that things are VERY wrong when infinites clones of his friends start acting weird

the avatar is on their way to protect their city and about to give up until they see sonic and they decide to be a hero themselves to help others and therefore go on their own journey to confront infinite (back then i theorized that infinite was their childhood friend)

and classic story (as much as i hate it) would be about classic dimension warping and perhaps overhearing eggmans plan abt the ruby (bc like. he came with the ruby from mania but like. okay.) and through him being a lil spy we get to know more about the origin of infinite until he eventually joins with the main cast becuase a final story where all 3 fight eggman together was inevitable.

however story perspective is not necessary considering unleashed’s placement

ofc multiple gameplay styles and/or multiple playable characters are THE mandatory thing for an adventure game BUT forces gameplay didn’t have a very varying feel to it. the controls were a little tweaked for classic and avatar had the wispons, but essentially it was the same as sonic but with Gimmicks/Tweaks.

also the spirit of the game’s story didn’t have this strong adventure vibe. It preached the power of friendship, yet it was so….. hollow and empty. due to the avatar being a passive character their friendship with sonic was just so….. fake.

“power of friendship” was just hollow words in this game.

personally i also think the ost was lacking, theme of infinite is the most iconic song to come from it , and the only memorable song next to it was fist bump. which is sad (mainly bc it wasnt even the final boss theme)

also remixes and reuses arent a taboo in adventure games (sa2 did it too) but i think it’s different if character themes and maybe… one or two level themes are reused. there should be plenty more original content.

some ppl say crush40 is mandatory, but I don’t think so. the crush40 version of his world IS NOT the main theme for 06, and unleashed also didnt have c40 (jun did do the guitars tho)

i already debunked chao garden so like. not necessary

on the topic of original content i also want to say that the levels in forces were lacking variety. the environment was different, yea, but the way you get throguh the levels didnt really change much despite more 2d sections in eggman base levels and like. more spikes in urban areas and more slides and 3d in the “jungle” level. it wasnt even really a jungle it was jsut ruins… and green hill… AGAIN….. was not really anything special or new either

what i mean is that even when the optical stuff of the levels is different there was zero change of atmosphere or feel. no change in stradegy to get through. it was all just……. the same.

sonic forces was…………..boring.

there i said it. it was boring.

the most exciting part was the customization and i bet kids loved it. ppl who dont know much about game design and just are in to pass time and have some fun probably loved this game. but like. the game doesnt entertain anymore after its beat for the first time. replaying is a real drag, the fun was literally just…. in the story and getting enough customize stuff to make ur dream avatar.

if anyone feels different, as said, thats valid, but from a design point this is terrible.

WHAT I WANT IN A NEW SONIC (adventure) GAME

i do have a game concept for a silver game lying around (with gameplay, controls, story, levels and some dialogue) that would be an adventure-esque game but i cant leak that yet its too unfinished still

let’s start at the bare minimum: no ooc sonic anymore. writers take notes and be serious for once. sonic knows when its time to joke, and in case yall dont know the answer is NOT 24/7

also maybe more than just sonic playable OR have other characters be relevant beyond a bunch of jokes and random voice lines. (preferably both)

the story should be engaging and have a deeper meaning and a strong vibe for justice and/or freedom; the characters have to undergo development and learn from their mistakes. also the story CAN be dark/more serious while still being suitable for children.

we need a minimum of ONE plot twist.

gameplay styles should be varied and not just sonic, and sonic but with a gun

there NEEDS to be some kind of open world/exploration element in the game. be it a hug world or ingrained in the levels themselves. (things can be open world and still linear just saying)

iconic music!!! vocal theme!!! character themes should be representing the characters personality again!!!!11

story perspectives arent mandatory, but definitely a plus!!!!

minor puzzles in the levels please…. make it challenging to get through !!!1

100 rings=+1life

i cant stress this enough ok

the game also needs something innovative and new. (which is most probably the new gameplay style due to new character or something but ykno) adventure games have always introduced something new and it was AWESOME and fun and refresing!

and my mind just cant focus anymore akjshfkjshfakj i might revisit this some time but for now this is all i can say

man i wish i was neurotypical

[myapogee]

therapy is expensive but tumblr read mores are free. (not that i want anyone to therapy me, i just need to vent)

at dinner i was like very obviously Not Good so my mom asked me about it and i sorta hummed and hahhed until saying how i just really hate my job and wanna quit and later this month i’m gonna talk to my boss about that to see if we cant find a way to make me Hate My Job Less

and my sister came in at some point, missing part of the convo, and was like “well if you’re going to quit, you need to start looking for work before then” and my mom’s all like, “yeah put your resume on linked in or indeed, etc”

and like. i told them i wasnt gonna quit for awhile, i’ll just let my boss know i’m unhappy and have a few months to work thru it and try to get happier and if that fails THEN i will quit.

but the reason i said that is because i dont wanna tell them my real back up plan which is “actually i dont wanna live at all, so if i quit or get fired i’ll probably just kill myself” bc that is not good etiquette to mention at the dinner table

idk i feel like. like when i was younger i was at a point where i was like “i want to die, but so does everyone else, so i guess i’ll keep living because they somehow do”. and then i learned i was wrong so i went into “i want to want to live, so i’m gonna make the most of what i have, now that i know wanting to die isn’t normal”. 

and now im just. like. fucking exhausted from trying that hard. i want to die, and i recognize that a certain amount of other people do too, and many of those other people either Actually Just Die or they get help or something i dont fucking know how the other ones get thru that tbh bc if i did i wouldnt be where i am. 

what if i just. spent my week off from work putting all my things into boxes. like drawings that i dont want my family to see into the recycling or a box labeled “please burn this if you respected me at all”. put some women’s clothes into a box labeled “never been worn: donate to good will”. etc etc. and then just. i dont fucking know man. i googled some stuff about overdosing on pills and google was like “here’s the suicide prevention hotline number”. thanks google, ya mean well. 

everyday just kinda sucks. and then if one thing goes a little wrong i spend the remainder wanting to die. and there are good moments. there are funny youtube videos. there are good tv shows. there are games of cards against humanity with my family and of D&D type games with online friends. there’s stuff that brings me joy. but its like. guess its fucking selfish of me to say but it’s... not enough? 

the biggest thing is almost def my job. and if i enjoyed it more, things would probably be better. so i should quit and find a new one. thats just. easier said than done.i wish my job could go back to being what it used to be. but things changed like a year ago or maybe two years now idfk time is an illusion. and its just. been shit ever since. 

i’ve started learning portuguese more seriously. been doing the few minutes a day on a couple different apps. i think. my ideal existence. would be moving out to my grandmother’s home in portugal, living alone now that they’ve moved on. it’s lovely there year round, so i get my exercise walking to the lil convenience store, getting some things to eat and bake with, having bread delivered by the bread truck to my home every day. the house is paid for, so all i have are utilities and food. which i pay for thru commissions online. maybe some sore of artwork with the local people. there’s land, and anyone who wants it can do with it what they will but all i ask is if they grow any food i get a little now and then. i get to be a hermit, but i’ll help out my neighbors now and then, and i know they’ll help me too. it’s a community, but with its share of isolation, and without the obligations i feel here. i grow old, having lived my own life on my own time. eventually, i’m found dead there, by a curious neighbor who didn’t care quite enough to find me before it was too late. but it wasn’t suicide. just age and the problems that come with it. but i’ve lived with minimal capitalism, with few to no family or friends or pets. there’s solace, silence, and peace. i have lived life, and can leave it without worry.

... that wont happen though. as long as my parents are alive, i am bound to them, and if i did manage to leave this house and go anywhere at all never mind portugal i dont think i would be free of the worry over them. familial obligation, holidays, etc. i can’t live without worry while i’m avoiding them and feeling guilty about it. but i can’t live as myself without worry while i’m still shackled to them too. if i stay alive, i’ll be in limbo for years as they grow older and i need to help take care of them or find people/places that can take care of them for me but that i need to pay for. etc etc. there’s so much. responsibility in this world. that i never asked for. god i just wish i was never born, really. it’s amazing to me now that anyone can have kids. like raise orphans or whatever sure. but to actually birth a child into this existence, knowing how terrible the world is? why would you choose to put someone through that? why force them to experience this, it’s dreadful. 

this. okay that latest paragraph, i wanna be clear, i 100% am not ever gonna kill someone. like i’m not gonna hurt my parents so i can live free or whatever, and i’m not saying taking someone out of this life is better than bringing them into it, etc. i’m suicidal sure but i’m not a fucking asshole.

anyways.

pls don’t... fucking reply to this in any way or even acknowledge it. i know it all already okay? the pandemic has brought people down. capitalism brings people down. the fucking winter and its holidays bring people down. i know. 

its just. a painful cycle to be in. and i really think. there’s only one way to break it. and we’re all gonna die eventually so it’s just. how long do i have to feel like shit. before i’ve earned freedom from feeling anything at all. why push back the inevitable. when it would benefit me so much to fucking embrace it.

[flickerrrs]

A year ago, today

The illusion of time and memory seem to be pervade my mind on this day. Almost like an intrusive thought that sucks me into myself; a place I quite frankly don’t enjoy being these days. What I had believed was the pinnacle of my life up until that point, was. I remember thinking things were too good to be true. I hadn’t been this happy since i was 17. I moved out of bumfuck Florida, went to my dream school on a scholarship and realized people were actually really attracted to me and wanted to fuck me and I’ll admit the validation felt nice. In what felt like the most brief moment; a happening, was just that. A happening that can never be replicated. Only to be revisited through the windows of your mind like fucking Scrooge. Although I tend to romanticize my life, that’s what makes it so god damn beautiful. There’s a trade off though; a risk if you will, that if you reach the top, you better be ready to fall, and gravity is such a bitch. 

 There was a profound, fundamental shift in my soul the day my sister died. The there aren’t really words for it. As profound or well spoken as you may think you are, you find yourself unable to capture the emotions that plague your mind like locusts; limited by the knowledge of the physical world. Words become meaningless in the string of emotion that follows behind you becoming the shadow of you. In turn, talking about it seems counterproductive unless it’s your therapist who is paid to care about you. But you’ll try to anyway; and when you do, you will always fall short. And when you fall short, you will sit there and surrender to the great cosmic bullshit mess that you, yourself are a part of.

I’ve always been an optimistic person. Big dreamer here. I believe in the best of people and humanity despite the adversity I’ve faced but honestly, sometimes it sounds like one big load of shit. Everything. And thats what gets me the most, I don’t recognize or identify myself the way I did before. My therapist said it would take time to gain that zest for life back but she knew it would happen for me and deep down i know its true. Im not supposed to be this nihilistic and sadistic person that’s bitter because the cards they were dealt were shitty. It’s an option though. Curl up in a ball and become a shell of yourself, many people do it; I could. And sometimes I do surrender to that part of myself, like right now. Bitching about my life. Maybe i have a right to bitch? It doesn't matter because this is just for me and any other stranger who has no idea who i am and never will so I don’t mind. Continuing my bitch fest, I look at the people that I love and wonder why I feel such a great divide difference between us. My younger sister and I joke that we are cursed. It hurt me when my best friend inquired if i thought I was. Or when people feel bad for me. I don’t want anyone to pity me and thats why I don’t really talk about it to anyone. No one knows what to say and I understand that. How can you expect that from anybody unless you’ve been through it.

 All of these words I’m saying are bullshit by the way. The way I paint the story versus what it actually looks like to sit in my room until 4 am and just stare at the ceiling is much more poetic and interesting than the reality. And maybe that’s why I write. Hell, I’ve got a lifetime worth of shit to write about now.

You know I really do miss the person I was a year ago today. I miss my life. My sister. The freedom i felt. The way music felt when I first fell in love but a lot of things change and thats okay. I guess that’s why you have hold onto those moments when they come. And I did. I could feel myself soaking it all in because I knew it wouldn’t be forever which is okay. 

Deep down I know the person I will become because of this will be more resilient, sure of herself, intelligent, aware, full of gratitude, loving, compassionate and empathetic than ever. That’s the woman deep down i know i’m really meant to be. But it’s okay to be here too. This is just a brief moment, once again; a happening that will change me forever the same way my experiences a year ago today did. 

//November 26 2020  9:53 pm // 

- happy thanksgiving 

[native-daughter]

Infinite Money

My friend HAH came up with this symbol on my middle finger to represent Infinite Money. Check her out, she’s an amazing artist and visionary - www.hahcouture.com

And as only my second tattoo, both happening in my 30th year - I got it permanently stamped on my body right where I can see it every single day.

Money is Time. We spend money and we spend time. We spend our time making money, and if and only IF there is an abundance of money, can we spend our money making time. To “buy time”- that is a luxury that very few of us can afford.

A couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving the concept of money this much symbolic meaning in my life, much less this much real estate where I will look at everyday for the rest of my life.  In fact, I hated money… I had hated it all my life. Growing up lower middle class, there never seemed to be enough of it no matter how hard we worked. This created an elaborate story in my psyche. A story of unworthiness and lack, a story that made “money” the bad guy and me the innocent victim of evil money and perpetual scarcity.

The  truth about not having enough money is that you become trapped in a cycle that stifles out any bigger and brighter flames that would inspire a sense of fullness in life. This is what made me hate money in the first place. You become trapped in “survival mode” and your only thoughts are on HOW you are going to get the money you need to pay the massive pile of bills you have. It’s exhausting, takes a huge toll on your body, and mostly on your spirit. When your mind is focused on how there isn’t enough and how in the world you are going to attain more, there is little to no room for creative insight to flow through you, and it becomes very painful.

In reality, the truth is, as we are all well aware - there are far too few people with way too much of it - more than could be spent in ten lifetimes, while the overwhelming majority of us have way too little of it- not even enough to consistently support this lifetime.

And yes, money is also the reason things are so fucked in the world. It’s the reason why we as Americans are so disconnected from ourselves, our world, our spirits, NATURE. The constant chase for money, being in survival mode, and the illusion of fulfillment through material possessions keeps us trapped in a never-ending cycle, blinded, and not having enough TIME to stop and question all of it. The speeding up of TIME with the speed in which we must live our lives because there isn’t enough TIME to work the hours we need to work to make the MONEY we need, in order to take care of our families, do laundry, wash the car, pay taxes, walk the dog, and find a little time on Sunday afternoon to maybe garden or have dinner with friends. Oy! I’m exhausted just typing it…

We are expected to be these super human energizer bunnies pushing ourselves to our limits, full capacity, never having a moment to slow down, check in with spirit, and express our deeper selves through making art we could otherwise find TIME to create. Most of us are by default, through no fault of our own,  suffocating our spirits unintentionally to live in this physical world because of how much it can cost to simply exist. Need I even mention the pharmaceutical industry and how unhealthy and further out of touch we are kept from our own bodies and our own real sense of healing for the greed of a select few… I won’t even go there, because already I digress…

“Money is the root of all Evil “ a little dogmatic and Christian for my taste but absolutely true nonetheless…

My point is- while all of this is true, CHANGE YOUR MIND- CHANGE YOUR LIFE. A couple years ago I got SO sick of the story I was telling myself about my financial worthiness based on my past. A story that was created so long ago that I held onto which was only serving to disempower myself from making any actual change in my reality. I decided I was completely capable of rewriting this story and worthy of obtaining the things in life I wanted.

I started telling myself this, instead of the other. It’s really that simple…and actually not simple at all, because the thing about training our mind to tell ourselves a new story is that we have to believe it. We have to feel into our truth and the version of ourselves we want, as if it were already in existence. We have to believe it into reality and this is the tricky part. We have to FEEL what it feels like to have what we want before it actually manifests, which is a hard thing to do when you have never experienced a certain feeling you want to feel. But that’s how it will come. So, you have to take baby steps and show gratitude for all the teeniest tiniest ways you might begin to feel that feeling, and it will grow from there. It’s exercising a new brain muscle where doubt and worry have no place. I still struggle with it myself everyday, but just reminding myself that the power is mine, and the power starts with deciding in my mind how I want it to be, and then seeing it that way no matter how ridiculous or far away from current reality it may seem.

As children, this is the nature of our beings. There was a healthy amount of naivety that kept everything magical and made everything possible. Then we grow up and life shows us that it doesn’t always work out the way we want it to - and thats when doubt starts to come in. But FUCK THAT. Maintain a healthy amount of childlike naivety and continue to believe in the most ridiculous thing because our belief in that ridiculous thing is the sole way in which it is going to happen.

So, thats what I did to change my money story. And it works for any other story I want to create as well…it just takes practice. Fast forward to now, 2 years later, money comes to me so much easier than it ever has. Now, for the next trick…figuring out how to actually hold on to it a little better !! (Neptune in 2nd House karma…yikes! haha) I still work my ass off for it, but I have a different relationship with it. I no longer look at it as the enemy and the thing holding me back from my dreams. I honor it, I make altars for it, I meditate about it, and I show gratitude for any amount of it that comes to me.  I also realize its just a thing, like anything else. It doesn’t mean more to me than the things that truly matter to me, but it helps me find peace and security so that my focus can shift into those things that truly and deeply fill my cup ALL THE WAY UP.  I haven’t changed or become greedy - I just see money as a tool. A tool I need to use everyday, and as an artist, I love my tools because they help me CREATE.

Money is a tool of abundance. One definition of abundance is “overflowing fullness.” We feel full when all sides of our beings are nurtured. Money won’t make you happy, that is a fact, but neither will not ever having enough of it, and staying in constant survival mode. It’s about finding the balance to where its not running our lives - one way or the other. It comes and goes, and the physical money itself is not all that important - its the freedom and ease it can bring into our lives - thats what I want to obtain. We can’t eat money and we can’t take it with us to our graves when we go. There is no spiritual credit or actual worthiness in how much of it we have. So in my humble opinion, stock piling it as if it were our life source feels pointless. But setting goals, fueling our dreams, and living a life that supports our happiness is the reason I have changed my mindset on money, because as much as I wish we could go back to the barter system, we aren’t so we still need it. It’s about finding the balance, and the right relationship with it so that we can maintain “overflowing fullness” in all the ways that support our truest selves, so that we can ultimately shine, without doubt, worry, and stress, and share our light with the rest of the world.

And now, this reminder is permanently stamped on my middle finger - giving a big “FUCK YOU” to scarcity mentality, doubt, and worry. In faith that, all the abundance and the overflowing fullness in life will always come to me, as long as I believe it to be true..

In the words of one of the baddest B’s, the High Priestess, Rihanna…. Bitch betta have my MONEY !!!

...Infinite Money is Infinite Time to Create the Magic that is Infinite Abundance in every aspect Infinitely FULL is Intimately HeARTful + Cup Overfloweth...

[howtothenow]

SOPHIE And Transcendent Nothingness

The philosophy of ‘Oil Of Every Pearl’s Un-insides’.

Look at the cover of SOPHIE’s debut Album and you will see written on her plastic covered arm, “Nothingness”. This image features the Artist perched in an ethereal landscape of liquid and clouds, facing out with as blank a face as possible. With this in mind consider the lyrics of the jarringly disconnected bridge of Track 3, Faceshopping:

So you must be the one That I've seen in my dreams Come on, touch me Set my spirit free Oh, test me Do you feel what I feel? Do you see what I see? Oh, reduce me to nothingness Yes, yes  

These lyrics are partly a knowing cliche thats serves to highlight the arbitrary quality of the bridge, but I believe there’s two very significant lines here: “set my spirit free” and “reduce me to nothingness”. All over this Album we find freedom in nothingness; liberation from constraint, from boundaries. The most upfront example of this is ‘Immaterial’ a poppy celebration that ponders topics of Transhumanism ( the theory and speculation of what a future where A.I and human consciousness interact would be and how that would effect our notions of identity). After the seemingly-formless genesis of previous track ‘Pretending’ we have this absolute revelry. it is curious that there can be liberation in nothingness; however this is not a new idea nor is it “nothingness” exactly.

The use of “spirit” is particularly telling. I’ve described this nothingness in relation to transcendence. Transcendence is, put crudely, the experience of an interaction with or view into a reality outside of our usual ability to comprehend (or perhaps ever comprehend); it is talked of as being immensely powerful and great value. The word ‘transcendental’ has religious origins. People sometimes have what they may call religious experiences – described, in religious terms as ‘encounters with the Holy Spirit’. This is an interesting description, metaphorically speaking as, out of the trinity (the Son, the Father and the Holy Spirit / Ghost), it’s the Holy Spirit that a person feels that they encounter in these experiences. The word ’Spirit’ is telling because a spirit is by definition, something that “transcends” it’s limitation and embodiment e.g. when a person dies we may say that “their spirit lives on”; a spirit is abstract and in the ether. The spirt is the part of someone that is not bound to their body, it’s their soul, some might say their essence. Does SOPHIE think people have an essence? i’m not sure.

The transcendental can be regarded as a kind of nothing and is in many cultures and schools of thought; It is discussed as simultaneously a place of no-things and the source of all things. It is not clear when people talk of there being a “nothing” at the core of things if they don’t believe in truth or if they adhere to the idea that truth is elusive. So again, this “nothingness” is not necessarily “nothingness exactly”, it may be thought of as just existing beyond the body, beyond the material, so it’s not clear exactly in what way it exists, if it exists, which is why “Immaterial” is posed as a question, not a statement.. ‘Oil Of Every Pearls Un-Insides’ is not a work of ideology, it’s a work of exploration.

There is a surface of ideology obviously. It is easy and probably reasonable to associate SOPHIE with a kind of contemporary Post-Modernism, it is ’PC’ music after all…(thats a joke by the way) Yet SOPHIE’s consciously Po-Mo sprinklings cover a more fundamental axiom: Go into the unknown and prosper (possibly). 

We can liken SOPHIE’s production style to a kind of musical deconstruction where sounds clash, genres collide and sometimes feel like they are literally being destroyed. The musical arrangements and sound design trigger the senses as well as defy expectations, the Album tracks this process as a journey into chaos.   To some extend this is the oldest story; it’s the hero myth, it��s the ancient role of the artist to extend the domain of the known into the unknown. SOPHIE’s musical approach may be “deconstructive” but in the sense that it is seeking something new, something potent, going back into the ocean of potential and forming something from it. The thing here though is the emphasis on “possibly” prospering, for this pursuit is littered with anxiety and conflict (or perhaps it’s “glittered” with it.) I admit though, that some of this may be a consequence of the album format itself, but every artist’s work is shaped by the medium to some extent.

Consciously or unconsciously, the truth that SOPHIE seeks in this album is an evasive kind; perhaps truth is always evasive. This truth (for want of a better word) is the kind that evades categorisation and slips from grasp. Chaos, the unknown, the transcendental are all over this album. The “oil” in the title, the water in ‘Is It Cold In The Water?’ the liquid on the cover (is this the oil/or the water, or both?) - I would consider these the central themes of the album. Obviously it is the oil of every persons “un-insides”. The title is an obviously jarring contradiction; that a person has no real inside and yet they have an oil, an essence. The buddhist notion of “The Self” comes to mind, it is a concept that describes the truest part of oneself while representing a state of consciousness that requires recognition of the illusion of self in the sense we might think of; “The Self” is not the Ego, its almost the opposite. While some reviewers have referred to this Album as an embrace of Identity (on a personal level it may be), in many ways its a rejection of it or at least a struggle through it. And this struggle is key to why this contradiction works; it is an honest exploration, it’s all “pretending” but we can “synthesise the real” and yet maybe we can’t because the sound design tells us this is a dangerous and terrifying endeavour. Again and again the superficial is embraced and then falls away, either to the beautiful or to the uncomfortable. Freedom is sought in the undoing of limitation and the knowledge of it’s falseness. The problem is we are very much a product of our limitations: imagine life without gravity, imagine paying attention to something without not paying attention to something else or finding a way through life without not doing something else; SOPHIE is well aware of this. SOPHIE’s music can be thought of a kind of interplay of celebration and anxiety (which is essentially what music is anyway). The anxious quality is partly a result of the visceral nature of her music but it is also very much to do with the dive into this notion of “nothingness”. Anxiety, as slightly separate from fear, is associated with nothingness or the absence of a specific problem, in other words anxiety is the state in which the threat is everything. Fear requires specific threat, anxiety is the presence of threat without the comfort of specifics; you’re direction is non existent and you’re problem undifferentiated. It’s a deeply uncomfortable state.

Sometimes this anxious element collides with the element of celebration on a track like ‘Immaterial’ where an auto-tuned vocal momentarily sounds slightly tortured and occasionally menacing. Though, if there is a definitive example of this collision, it is the final rack. One might expect a title like ‘Whole New World’ to indicate optimism but the sense I get about this new world is that it’s fucking terrifying. Why is it so terrifying? Is it because it’s “pretend’? Is it because we don’t know it’s rules so we are doomed to perish? I think it’s partially all of these. it’s a delve in to the unknown that gets there and bludgeons you into a state of awe and confusion. Maybe liberation is here, maybe this is where we find truth, wisdom, freedom and whatever else we might seek; but getting there is scary and perhaps when we find this “place”, we won’t know what to do there, yet still we go.

[doing-that]

oracle-of-secrets replied to your post “Can you expand on why nights is so bad? I'm not trying to be defensive...”

I guess I don't know a lot about what makes good DM'ing so like how would you contrast the taz nights style with the live taz shows? Since those both are only one-shot deals sort of with time limits

this should be fun!

this is actually a super great vehicle for comparison, im glad you brought up the one-shot live episodes because this is the perfect way to compare! i’m going to try to pull my specific examples from the the camp goodfriend episode since it involves a guest player. im comparing one of the best episodes ever made to the campaign with the literal worst one(nights 3) so this is gonna be a little harsh probably, but... gotta do what you gotta do

there will be spoilers for nights in this. also its long as fuck so enjoooyyyy

tldr; good dming is describing a situation and seeing what your characters can make of it, not telling your players what to do. 

in camp goodfriend, griffin set the boys up by saying that they were at this camp for like a week, asked them how they’d spent their time there, and then told them they were going to this team building exercise that all of the players willingly went into. they could have said no if they wanted to, but where’s the fun in that? they went into the dungeon with brad from hr who was just there to help and have fun. while his integration in the challenges was a little awkward at points (*cough*whentheywerecritiquingeachother*cough*) he was helpful, nonintrusive, and is still beloved by many long after that episode came out! also notably, he knew as much about what was going on or less than the rest of the boys, he didn’t have critical information towards the plot. that was just the npcs (or i guess npc in this case)

griffin manages the gameplay gracefully with the way he describes every area the boys set foot into in every episode of taz, sometimes including more detail than seems at all necessary, but it helps you to visualize everything which makes gameplay easier, it makes it seem more real, and it gives the illusion of options. it’s like when griffin explains the directors office. he didn’t need to say what all was on her desk. he didnt need to mention the big portrait, but he did. and even though the things weren’t all important at the time (though they were later) he invited the players to investigate if they wanted to, or not investigate if they didn’t care. griffin leaves it open for anyone to do whatever they want at any time, as is hugely emphasized in the new ttazz.

in camp goodfriend, he took a lot of care in saying exactly how much of the place was paper mache and foam, he gave the exact mood of the environment they were in when insisting they couldn’t walk across the floor because it was “laaAAavaaa” (red carpet). when they shrunk his big wall down, he stayed true to what the boys were doing rather than to the story he wanted to tell and kept it small for the trust fall. When the boys finished each challenge, he told them what they saw next rather than what they were supposed to do next except for a few hints from the loudspeaker in-character and most of the time what the boys were supposed to do was obvious by that point, therefore making the redundancy funny(”anyways it’s time for trust falls!”). since the boys knew intimately everything they saw, they were able to make their own decisions on what to do, and they did it!

most most most importantly, everyone was roleplaying the entire time through the episode. griffin didn’t exist as an entity beyond describing the rooms and answering simple questions. griffin didn’t speak to the characters, but if necessary he would speak to them as art goodfriend in the game. all of the players made their decisions in-character and roleplayed their way out of everything. and they did it beautifully even when they were challenged to suddenly take on someone else’s character sheet! they all told a story together that was fun to listen to and sure sounded super fun to play!

onto nights. i will start by saying that travis’s biggest problem is absolutely giving the players freedom. back in episode 1 the first thing he did was give the characters an npc guide to tell them exactly what to do and then also put in a weird toy that ALSO told them what to do but 1/4 of the time it lied about it. neither of these npcs needed to exist and the story would have moved along fine, if not smoother without them. the dungeon they were in was not complicated, it was a few sets of doors that the players could have chosen from on their own. but they weren’t given those options, they were directly told what to do (and when what they were told to do was a lie, they were being told to do something literally impossible). the final boss was also only beaten because the npc guide had to remember a specific word, so the entire thing was out of the players’ control. there was another “puzzle” at the beginning of 3 that involved blowing up a specific box out of 50 in the room that contained no hints or anything to find it. thats not a puzzle.

i will say that overall, nights 2 vastly improved on all of these things, but still critically lacked description of the locations in favor of a (apparently poorly made) map travis gave to the boys that no one else could see, so there was no way to properly visualize the setting and make decisions based on that. episode 3 lacked all of this almost entirely as the players never really physically took themselves from place to place, but were rather instantly transported between 2 or 3 locations. i must admit i don’t remember episode well 3 because i literally couldnt pay attention to it.

onto the magistrate. this character was initially played by travis at the end of episode 2, not for very long but long enough to begin to establish a personality. the magistrate was also completely essential to the plot of episode 3, as he was the one being saved and who had important information to take everyone on their next mission. this is not a character that you give to someone who has no context for whats going on. because lin had no idea who this man was or of his motivations, travis had to tell everyone out of character that they needed to go to this exact place and do this exact thing and this is why. a lot of this could have been solved had travis pulled lin aside ahead of time and told him “this is your character, these are his motivations in detail, play the character and tell the others what they need to do and i’ll be here to help”, but he clearly didn’t. honestly i would say a VERY LARGE portion of the episode was spent justifying things out of character when they would have been more natural, enjoyable, and reasonable if it were all explained as the magistrate in character to the rest of the PCs. roleplaying. nights 3 had practically no roleplaying whatsoever on anyones part.

travis has had a problem in every episode of explaining things to the players out of character in too much depth, episode 3 just really brought that to light. the result of it is that the players aren’t allowed to make their own decisions and worse, they aren’t allowed to make decisions as their characters. all of the nights characters are incredibly strong personalities and i want to see more of them so badly, but they are given such incredibly little power to roleplay and make their own decisions so the episodes turn into less of a story and more of just an explanation of something that’s going on.

people are capable of making decisions on their own and can catch hints very easily, all it takes to create plot is a tiny tip or emphasis on something in a room, not an overt explanation. players want to move the story along and will do it on their own. it’s better for playing and listening.