#like that's true BDE

[revvethasmythh]

caduceus: I don't know how to put this, but we are currently on what is possibly the universe's largest cadaver. This is what I was born to do, is put this thing fucking down. Let's end this shit

[poisonousquinzel]

the way that they are so iconic

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

I just need Elia Kane to choke me a little, you know?

[astrobydalia]

The different inner placements for each sign — observations+ranking

by astrobydalia

Disclaimer: these are based on my personal experience and opinions!!

Aries

Mercury: so insanely smart and fast thinkers. Very real, straight to the point and say-it-like-it-is kind of people, love them. I could hear them talk all day

ASC: most authentic people you'll meet!!! What you see is what you get. Also very spontaneous and effortlessly fun

Venus: love, so fun to be around and specially the women with this placement they're soooo hot

Sun, Mars: these are very similar imo. so loyal and protective people but they tend to be pretty crass and often come across as rude unintentionally. Aries Suns are more blunt and outspoken while Aries Mars can be more chill but they're more prone to attracting hate. Great people to have in your corner overall.

Moon: Stubborn as fuck. Not open to understanding anything beyond themselves so they tend go around life with HUGE tunnel vision. Trying to reason/negotiate with them is nearly impossible

Taurus

Moon: my god, you won't know emotional intelligence, calmness and care until you meet a Taurus Moon like DAMN. Their patience, empathy and sense of boundaries is just impecable

ASC: their energy is sooooo soothing like ugh. They have a very cute and comforting aura, very magnetic people and naturally gorgeous

Mercury: they speak slow or not too much but once they let a full sentence out it's usually GOLD

Sun: hmmmm they do tend to be kinda full of themselves but they have BDE and are pretty hot so I'll give them that

Mars: VOICE is soooo good. However they tend to be low-key problematic tbh. Will get very snappy and petty real quick

Venus: I know this is venus's domicile but... most taurus venus I've seen were low-key kinda..... harsh and stern in their love style?? And not all that loyal if im honest with you, they're only loyal when they see personal benefit/satisfaction. It’s true that they’ll spoil you if they truly love you tho

Gemini

Mars: comeback queens/kings, also very multi-talented. What else can I say they always manage to be so iconic

Moon: out of all gemini placements they're the most likely to sit down and really listen to you. Can be too honest, another say-it-like-it-is placement. Comforting others is not their forte but they're very tolerant and patient

Venus: golden retriever energy, extroverted and popular and I've said this before but they can be very loyal!!

Sun: they are cool and so so funny but can also be veeeeery immature and a bit self-righteous. I love them but that bad press they have in pop culture exists for a reason that's all im gonna say

ASC: they're very intelligent and entertaining but gemini on the asc is such a messy placement imo cause they have an identity/existencial crisis at least twice a day which can make them kinda chaotic people to have in your life (love you guys tho)

Mercury: talking with them is VERY annoying tbh. They will just roughly listen to what you say just keep interrupting and eventually start their own monologue. They ain't listening they aren't even wanting for their turn to speak they're just waiting for whatever opportunity to speak

Cancer

Mercury: such good listeners!! also they are very honest and genuine with what they say like aries mercury but more tactful

Venus: this placement soothes down the most fiery personality. They are very loved and inexplicably magnetic

ASC: mommy issues. I love their intuition and they are really good at creating community wherever they go but my only complaint is they are defensive 24/7

Moon: hit or miss. Either really emotionally mature person that wants to take care of everyone or very immature and childish with a victim complex

Sun: huge attention seekers. Insecure, codependent and always looking for validation. Tend to portray themselves as innocent/clueless/harmless, etc.

Mars: these are SLY motherfuckers, they scare me more than scorpio mars

Leo

Moon: I have to admit this placement surprised me for the better. Yes they can be egotistical and entitled but when developed leo moons are very profound and passionate people with strong morals and are really good at inspiring others and lifting them up

Sun: the main character complex rumors may or may not be true but their magnetism and charm is undeniable

Mars: extremely prideful, my way or the highway kinda attitude, but they’re usually pretty harmless people from what I’ve seen. Their anger can be intense but they let it go easily after some dramatic moment. Dedicated.

ASC: daddy issues central. Known to be the most introverted leo placement but they’re very very very attached to their pride underneath. They really do wanna be/feel special and unique to the point of keeping most people at arm’s length cause that’s how much they wanna distinct themselves

Mercury: won’t hesitate to change topics if they don’t care what is being talked about or it has nothing to do with them. Laser focused on their interests tho that’s pretty cool

Venus: yeah they're generous but also a bit overbearing and low-key snotty. Tendency to associate themselves with people they don’t like all that much just because it gives them status or cause they get to receive lavish treatment

Virgo

Mars: omfg I love this placement so much. They handle conflict with SO much grace and embody all the good traits of virgo (capable, responsible, hard workers, great to work with, helpful, self-accountable....) *lady gaga's voice* talented brilliant incredible amazing show-stopping spectacular-

Venus: genuinely very responsable, dedicated and loyal in their relationships and commitments. I always find myself often complimenting their style and fashion choices

Mercury: a bit of a menace bc they can be good liars but they're always very very talented individuals in whatever it is they do

ASC: pretty self-serving tbh and often come across as goody-two-shoes or know-it-alls but they're alright for the most part. The virgo placement that has it the LEAST together tbh

Moon: they'll be there for you when you need help or advice but they can be pretty judgmental. They have a tendency to not really give people some grace. If they genuinely like you tho they’ll be extremely appreciative of everything you do right. Supportive

Sun: Very standoffish personality. Hard on themselves on the surface but probably also has a hidden superiority complex. The only placement where I prefer the men over the women

Libra

Moon: least superficial libra placement. Very introspective, sweet and find it really easy to understand other's emotions in an unbiased way

Mercury: invented the concept of understanding and voicing other perspectives with necessarily agreeing. Mind of their own.

Venus: superficial and obsessed with the opposite sex? Yes. Extremely devoted in all their relationships? Also yes.

Sun: meh. I keep having this experience with Libra Suns where I think they're great at first but then they end up being... not so great after some time. They're not bad really but their air-headedness makes them very unreliable

ASC: Their charm is manipulative and can easily hide a shitty personality underneath (not always the case tho). They're also the most emotionally superficial/detached of the bunch

Mars: hypocrates, huge huge hypocrates. Dubious morality. Playing devils advocate

Scorpio

Sun: they mind their own business and are really good at picking their battles wisely, only taking out their “dark” energy when it’s needed

Mars: don’t bother them and they won’t bother you. That’s the golden rule. Otherwise they’re pretty chill and unproblematic, dark humor enjoyers and strong-willed. I won’t say they’re completely drama free but hey

Mercury: they’ll be open to talk about anything, you can tell them literally anything and will listen intently without judgement. They can easily use info against others or withhold info tho so make sure they can be trusted

ASC: y’all low-key enjoy toxicity and drama but you don’t wanna admit it!!! They really thrive in uncomfortable situations and probably likes gossip too. One of the most black-or-white mindset placements

Venus: yeah not the best in relationships. They don’t really give their all and when they do give something it’s never unconditional. Relationships are always a power dynamic to them

Moon: Very tricky placement. Life has not been kind to them oof. Either they’re very traumatized people with a good heart deep down or very traumatized people with a really ugly and nasty soul. They also romanticize psychopaths and antisocial behaviors for some reason?????

Sagittarius

ASC: yes Im biased I don't care. But, be honest, when have you met a sag asc that wasn't cool af? Case closed. Life's good as a sag asc and when it's not, we make it that way

Sun: if you keep the men out of the equation sag suns are amazing!!! Their personality is like a breath of fresh air

Mercury: soso profound and intelligent. Will introduce you to new perspectives, great researchers. So good at finding answers and solutions!!!

Venus: Very open-minded, they are genuinely very accepting of literally any kind of person! They will applaud and celebrate your differences and quirks however they tend to be flighty and pretty light on their feet

Moon: Anger issues!!! Very volatile and defensive people underneath that chill and funny persona. They have well-known beef with someone. Don't like admitting their wrong, prone to ghosting everyone 99% of the times

Mars: the most entitled and rude out of all the sagittarius placements. The type to laugh in your face and never take accountability, their attitude can be revolting if you ask me

Capricorn

Venus: they make me MELT. So incredibly attractive, reliable, such an impecable taste, the way they treat you will bring you to your knees like ugh I can't

Mars: most resilient individuals I've seen truly!! Literally nothing will bring them down. So so ambitious, focused and have endless energy love them

Sun: cap suns and I have natural synergy. They're very level-headed, reliable, loyal and mature. However they are huge fatalists, very pessimistic and my jupiterian ass ain’t got time for that

ASC: too obsessed with their status and/or how they're perceived compared to others in their circle like sis stop caring sm what others think and live a little!!!

Mercury: listen, these folks can be very intelligent and well-read, but they tend to come across as narrow-minded or bigoted sometimes with the things the say or how they say things

Moon: I wanna root for y'all cap moons but being honest I've seen this placement is very common in really toxic personalities. They hold lots of past resentments and can be very judgmental and mean similar to virgo moons

Aquarius

ASC: socially adaptable but they stay true to themselves at the same time. Attractive, loyal and fresh personality/presence.

Mars: veeeery likable and popular. They really are dedicated to making an impact on the people

Sun: when they just simply focus on being themselves and doing their own thing they're very genuinely special and chill people and great friends! However when they care too much about being making themselves special they're very egocentric and unnecessarily problematic

Venus: messy placement. Very welcoming but they have big trust issues. They go back and forth between 'everyone loves me' and 'everyone hates me' and so they act accordingly....

Mercury: super intelligent, great in debates and very convincing, they always make great points. However the god complex is BLATANT here, they really think they're the only one that's right

Moon: another deeply traumatized placement. They can be great advocates for the collective however they tend to lack empathy specially when it comes to interpersonal relationships

Pisces

Sun: rough around the edges at first but they are a lot more helpless and vulnerable than they seem on the surface. Also they are genuinely really good at disappearing??? You won't even notice they're gone. Their presence is striking tho

Mercury: "idk what the fuck she's saying but girl I am living!". They have such a rich inner world I can't. SEDUCTIVE

ASC: they are... functioning humans. They go around life not being completely sure of what's going on but hey that Jupiter is somehow making everything work for them

Moon: "There is an idea of Pisces Moons, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real them. Only an entity, something illusory. And though they can hide their wondering gaze, and you can shake their hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense your life styles are probably comparable, they simply are not there"

Venus: I've already spilled the tea on this placement. Next.

Mars: ever person I've seen with this placement was mentally unwell like, severely. They're doormats for the most part but there's this hidden side of them that can turn into a total demon

by astrobydalia

[dumbbitchgalore]

John price with a micro penis is ashamed about it, but Soap 👀 Soap is fucking proud of that thing, he doesn’t give a shit he’s small, doesn’t care he can’t properly fuck his girl. He’ll rub his dick against your clit and growl like the man he is. Says shit like,

“Ye Fuckin’ love it when I fuck ye like a lass, isn’t that right bonnie?” He’s so smug about it, so proud, like he’s a fucking stallion prancing about and showing off.

Probably cums all over your belly and rubs it into your skin because he’s nasty like that!!!

He’s so small you can’t even tell when he’s hard :(

no because why is this so true??

Soap definitely give BDE while Price is slightly more reserved just like his outwardly personality. John's pretty terrified for you to find out but doesn't regret when you do because of the way you worship his cock. Sometimes he wishes he told you sooner.

[alphajocklover]

You know, you just talked about that "Big Dick Energy" thing, but I must admit, I have follow-up questions.

Under which terms that "accumulation" of "masculine enregy" happens, and for whom ? 'Cause you see, I'm a male-leaning non-binary guy, so it means that I qualify close to "man", yet disavows most masculine acts. Am I at risk of a "Big Dick Energy" explosion, or is my gender identity a sufficient deterrent (if true, it would open up a whole lot of other questions) ?

I'm sorry to go all science-y on you for a silly Tumblr post, but I need to know if I could be affected !

I should have known bringing up BDG would lead to some more questions. It’s a confusing, and honestly strange phenomenon I don’t know everything about. But I’ll do my best to explain it to you.

Everyone in the world has two special energies that are inside them. Not one, two. See, just as there is a masculine energy, there is also a feminine energy. There’s even some argument that there’s an androgynous energy but people can’t quite seem to agree on that. What we know for sure is that everyone has both masculine and feminine energy, even the manliest man and the girliest girl. The difference is how much of said energy someone produces. A very manly man makes little feminine energy and lots of masculine energy, and a girly girl does the opposite. Some people, like you, make fairly equal amounts of both, which makes you something that’s not one or the other.

Now, this energy accumulates when someone who naturally makes enough of this energy doesn’t expel it. BDG energy is expelled by doing something masculine. Usually a person naturally does this, since as the energy builds up a person has a natural urge to do such things. But when someone has these urges yet ignores them for whatever reason? That’s when the build up really begins to change someone.

You probably won’t end up like the guy from our last post. Being non-binary you probably make about equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy and use those energies enough throughout your daily life. But… you may still want to be careful. See, masculine and feminine energies can be… transferred between people. It’s sort of like how some people donate blood. Some people can donate masculine or feminine energy to another person. They usually need some training and an immense amount of built up energy to do so, but it is possible to do it, and I’ve recently heard of a few groups doing so by force, using energy to convert people to their cause.

So be careful out there. And maybe avoid any particular manly group of men for a while, or they may make you join them

**hey guys, didn’t expect to be posting about BDE again so soon but I can never turn down an interesting post idea. I’ve got a lot of different transformation methods now don’t I? Maybe one day I’ll figure out how they all fit together. Hope you enjoy!**

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 19

Linda looks so good in this sort of not-quite-right preppy style. I think it fits who she was as a person in this time so well, and that’s one of the things I love about Linda is that she just dresses up as herself. You know? Like she wears things that are true to her and she doesn’t care if that means a mini-skirt in January or hairy pits on stage. And that confidence and introspection and happiness is so, so attractive.

And that is why they love him. (you know, besides the fact that he’s a piano prodigy or whatever) So secure. BDE off the charts.

Linda talking photography with whoever that other photographer guy is.

George: what could it be, Paul? John: jumps to answer for Paul like it's 1964 and they're at a press conference.

What do we think? John cut himself shaving? Or is it a hickey?

It ends up that John’s meeting must’ve fallen through at 1:30, so Paul is the only one gone. And it seems to me that John purposely plans this time when Paul’s gone to talk to George and Ringo about Klein. George: er, what did you want to talk about? John: er, well, just that I saw Klein, you know. . . . but I want to tell you all at once, you know, so it’s not . . . Sure, John. Cut to 1971 John talking about “doing a job” and “maneuvering” to get those two on the Klein boat. smh. sad. 

But, really, for a guy who admits to having been a manipulator since primary school, he’s so easily manipulated. John. A man who you just met cannot know you as well as a man you’ve known since you were seventeen. No matter how he flattered you, it’s just not possible. The way he said it with such conviction, too! He sincerely believes this bullshit.  

“Old Brown Shoe” is not my favorite lol but I’m so happy for George. To me, it sounds like it’s about leaving old roles, old patterns, old relationships, the beatles, behind in favor of something more exciting and fun. Good for him. 

I know this is a “yeah, duh” comment, but Billy is such a gifted musician. Instantly catching on to the stylophone, jumping on guitar the minute George is on piano. So impressive.

Ugh, the tone of voice John takes with George. They’re all messing around, as they constantly do, including George, when John decides it’s time to focus. He says, “George, come on,” in literally the most condescending voice. As if George has been the only one derailing everything out of his own immaturity and John’s finally losing his patience. I can’t. He’s not fourteen, anymore, John. 

One more quick Linda appreciation because she's so cool and so pretty and I love her so much.

I wonder if they actually did have a “tune up” as George Martin put it, after teasing him that they wouldn’t. It just cuts off from John being like “remember Bob Wooler” to them doing a take of “Don’t Let Me Down.”  

John singing “I need you” at Paul (who is very passionately shaking that maraca). Not I want you. I need you. And making These Faces as he plays the guitar. Like, to be clear, those are not singing faces. He's not singing while he's doing that. He's just doing that. He looks so horny and in so much pain. Bro. How do you do that with God and everyone watching? 

At which point, Paul decides he needs to get completely out-of-it stoned, and the most unwatchable one minute and seven seconds in all of Get Back occurs. “Grease Paint” my beloathed.

Oh, okay, George just constantly cleans his guitars. I think I remember reading an old beatlemania era article that said while John and Paul treat their guitars as tools, George loves and cares for his. 

And then we pan out as John says, “Allen Klein’s here,” and sings, “I want you so bad” in the same breath. What are our thoughts? Does John sincerely think he’s helping everyone by getting Klein? Or is it more selfish?  

[be-my-ally]

"...Elvis has left for Graceland."

This is, uh, what I did with some *generally helpful information* about mirrors in Graceland (although tbh there's not even that many references to them here) and bde withdrawals. I lied - I thought my empty promises wip would be out first, but when inspiration hits and a shorter fic just pops out of your fingers - and the alternative is the dreaded editing, you end up with this instead! Enjoy my lovelies - this is also a little (ok a lot) for @thatbanditqueen - enjoy the references to red Graceland, the correct suit for the exact date, and even his exact upper of choice in spring summer ’74! Oh! and the dress pictured below is YSL from 1973 xx (and also @ellie-24, and @whositmcwhatsit for encouraging me! Surprise! We were discussing films and I was writing this!)

summary: you’re elvis’ girlfriend circa ’74, and have a lot of fun congratulating him after his recorded show in Memphis. 

pairing: afab!reader x elvis (of the big daddy flavour)

warnings: 18+, thigh-riding, the ripping of an expensive rental dress, big daddy elvis in all his big daddy-ness, yet again - reader sucks his tits idk man I didn’t think was gonna be a kink for me but clearly it is, v. minor references to his drug abuse, p in v sex, uhhhh…. Oh mirrors! I know Graceland wasn’t as, uh, dirty as Hillcrest but I think he still had enough fun there, Elvis keeps his jumpsuit on. this is essentially unedited so pls ignore any typos - I'll give it a look over in the morning!

wc: 4.1k - We did it baby! Concise smut!!

March 20th 1974 - Mid-South Coliseum Memphis

“…Elvis has left for Graceland.” 

You’re delayed in leaving - a problem with the valet, or the sound, or something that someone has to sort out - so despite the fact that Elvis himself has left you are stood, waiting, with a couple of the mafia boys for the other car to be brought around. Undoubtedly to be stuck in the hordes of fans and traffic on the way out. You hated being stood exposed like this, it made you feel like people’s wandering glances weren’t just sizing up the King’s new girlfriend, but laughing at you - at how you’re no more special than the rest of them. Stood in much the same way they all were. Left behind while he was whisked away to his palace. 

The temperature had dropped since you’d arrived here earlier, and you wished you’d thought to bring a jacket but the weather was just starting to warm up and you’d been thrilled to be able to wear a little strappy number - a little part of you, or maybe a large part, wanting to show off a little for the home crowd. Silver and diamanté straps that held up the draping gently twisted fabric that flowed in a column, brushing your curves - it was, expensive and flashy in a subtle way - it was almost too much for the concert. But, as always, you’d been outshined by Elvis’ own crystals - the stark white of his sparkling jumpsuit brighter than any of the stage lights. You’d worn it mostly for him though, despite the fact that he’d barely glanced at you in it.

By the time you’re all loaded into the car, heading the barely ten miles towards Graceland, the novelty of passing down Elvis Presley Boulevard from an Elvis Presley concert to go and see Elvis Presley still hadn’t waned. You smile a little at yourself and you can feel Charlie laughing from the other side of the backseat of the car, “God makes me laugh every time I see that damn sign - as if he needed a bigger head!” You laugh with him, but you can hear the affection in his voice - as if you were being let in to a joke of the inner circle; the joke about his large head being simultaneously true but also at odds with his nerves mere hours ago. Despite your traffic fears you make quick progress and it’s mere minutes before you’re pulling up to the drive, parting the crowd and through the gates. You’re quick out of the car but you’re surprised not to see or hear him when you walk through the front door, until Billy, coming around the corner, sees you and points upstairs. You nod and thank him but, not seeing the point in rushing if he’d gone to bed, you head to the kitchen - fetching a drink and take your time finishing it. You start to slowly make your way up the main staircase, stopping to check yourself out in the large mirror on the wall, reapplying a little lipstick just in case he was awake. 

When you walk in, he’s pacing at the bottom of his bed, still in the sweaty white jumpsuit, walking back and forth, he gestures past his padded doors, towards the landing and the huge mirrors he’d recently had installed on the ceiling to match those on the walls. “Saw you take your time, something more important than me baby?” You frown, shaking your head - you forget, when at Graceland, that his eyes are everywhere; even as much as in Hillcrest. 

“Course not babe, of course not!” He tuts, but you’d not been expected him to look so awake so you hadn’t thought you’d had to rush up to him; despite your desire to see him, and congratulate him on the show. So you have no words to your defence - you can’t exactly tell him you expected he’d be half out of it by now. You glance over at the gold foiled nightstand on his side - the orange bottle for his dexedrine open and on display. He follows your gaze, his own eyes hardening a little, tiny little lines forming on the edge of his still-linered lids. Neither of you mention his sudden burst of energy and where it came from. He turns back to you, hands on his hips. It draws your attention to his outfit. He’d not even changed from his stage jumpsuit - a rarity since he was almost always in his robe by the time he’d passed through his bedroom doors. It strangely matches well in the dark, red, interior of the room - red crystals of the fire suit almost the exact colour of the carpet. But it also, oddly, made him stand out even more - the crystals seeming like they were everywhere, like he was made to be stood in this room; reflecting across the mirrors, and emphasising the white of the jumpsuit - his skin jumping out. The zipper was low, as it had been all night and you rake your eyes over his exposed skin. He’d been exceptionally physical tonight, the showmanship spectacular and it was displayed in his chest and stomach shimmering with his still drying sweat. You feel yourself growing wet. 

“Shut the door honey,” You do as you’re told, he’s gruff, almost as if he feels he should be apologetic but would never admit it, “Not had time lately have we, huh, baby?” You shake your head in response, uncertain what to say -  you hadn’t, he’d been so busy worrying about these concerts, and then afterwards about the live recording - about the intricacies of the sound, of how the crowd noise will be isolated. It meant that as excited as you were to see him perform in Memphis, in his home - you were more excited to get past it to the month long break he was going to have. But you also knew how privileged you were to get any time with him at all, and you knew how quickly his moods changed lately. Unwilling to say anything that might make him reconsider his plans and head back downstairs, leave you alone, waiting and wanting while he entertained. 

“Well. We’re here now.” He moves over to you, determinedly catching you in a kiss. You squirm a little, eyes closed, trying to will away the thought that you weren’t the only woman he’d kissed this evening, force away the images of him with the girls in the front row. There was fewer than normal, chaste pecks on the cheek - he didn’t want to mess up the recording after all. But still, you’d felt the envy growing in you, jealousy burning through your veins. He makes you forget this though, as he rubs his hands down your arms, warming where they’d already grown cold in the frigid air of his bedroom and his tongue slips deeper into you. You can taste the gatorade of the night, mixed with the sparkling water he’d probably downed along with his uppers - the faint tingle of the carbon dioxide still present. He kisses down your cheek to your throat, leaving traces of your freshly applied lipstick from your own lips before he turns you around, facing the headboard, and walks you towards the bed - your legs bump against the end. He tugs at the straps that cross on your back, impatient. You wince, trying to stop him; 

“Elvis, baby, it’s a - a rental, gotta be careful, it’s one of a kind -“ 

“Fuckin’ fancy shit - get it off then, fuckin’ hate when you don’t just let me buy you -”  Despite his harsh words he kisses across your shoulder in between his words. You cut him off, 

“It’s not for sale El, so you couldn’t have even -“ 

“You tellin’ me what I can or can’t do now mama?” He toys with the strap, you think fast trying to stop what you’re sure is coming - 

“El, seriously - I didn’t mean it like that I just - ah!” He pulls the chain clean off - square crystals spilling over the bed. 

“Fuck - E!” He yanks the other one, this time accompanied by a little tearing noise as the seam rips from the back. Before you have time to protest any longer he’s pushing down the twisted top, your breasts popping out. He grabs your chin, pointing it towards the back of the bed - where the large mirror hangs - you can see yourself reflecting from the mirrors on the other walls too - the glances of different angles almost overwhelming. 

“Look at yourself.” He maintains his grip on your chin while palming one of his simultaneously thick but still sleek hands across your boob. He twists a nipple as you gasp, pulling it out a little. He pushes you up with his other hand, forcing you to balance on your knees on the end the bed, his own thigh coming in between to force them further apart and support some of your weight as you sink down a little. He hikes the long length of the dress up, grabbing your wrist and forcing you to hold it up yourself although the maxi-skirt still drapes and covers your modesty. He lets go of your face, pulling you back against him harder with both hands, and his stomach, more pronounced than before, bumps against your back. You stare, mouth open, as you watch his large hands span across your waist. His head is bent over into the crook of your neck, sucking a bruise onto the dip of your collarbone, his sweaty, fluffy, hair tickling your chin. He moves his leg a little, bending his knee onto the bed too, forcing it further into your crotch, allowing you to grind down on him. 

He pushes you down himself, hands on your hip bones and the soft flesh there, moving you in little circles feeling you rub against him. He suddenly, frantically, pushes the dress up further - exposing you entirely. You gasp, as he unveils your little secret of the night - not only had you not bothered with a bra - the dress being far too revealing for it, but the soft slippy fabric had clung to whatever underwear you had tried, ultimately leaving you to go commando for the night as well. He grunts against your skin, looking at you in the mirror over your shoulder, 

“You been like that all night, honey?” He traces a finger over the undercurve of the swell of your tummy, tickling a little, as he rotates it in little circles - teasing you in its pattern that’s reminiscent of how he often touches you. 

“Ye-es, they - they showed through,” He tucks your ass into him, his belt digging into you, and preoccupies himself with stroking a finger the length of your vulva, his thigh slightly getting in the way until you push yourself up a little more. 

“Surprised you ain’t already ruined that dress, how wet you are - bet you were drippin’ all over the place. Watching me.” He presses a finger into you, just the very tip, gently, his other hand coming back up to your nipple - you clutch at his arms; “Weren’t you?” 

“Probably, probably E - can’t help it around you, not when you’re performin’ looking so good -” He laughs, pulling his finger away, crooking it as he pulls it up - knocking one of his huge rings against your clit. He draws you back - his body moving with his laugh causing you to bounce you on his thigh. You let out a gasp that quickly turns to a moan, 

“You think I look good darling?” You meet his eyes in the mirror, they’re bright and impish; a smug little smile on his face. Any other time you might have teased him - but not today. Not with your angle changing slightly when he pushes you forwards a little, his broad, large thigh pressing firmly into you again, you can feel your labia spreading against his jumpsuit, tight weave of the dancer’s gabardine rubbing against you. You bob your head quickly; 

 “Of course, of course E - you look, looked amazing; don’t want you to take it off.” He laughs, as if you’ve given him an idea - or perhaps confirmed something he thought before, 

“Well, don’t be shy - prove it to me baby.” You gape at him, trying to twist around to do something - although you’re not sure what, to prove it to him, but he stills you with both hands holding you in place. Before he lifts you, manhandling you where he wants you as he pulls you off of him - moving to sit down on the fluffy circular chair in the corner, he keeps a hold of you as he goes, but allows you to turn, before yanking you back onto his lap. Resting your legs on either side of one of his thighs. You can feel the crystals on your inner thighs, rubbing against you and you’re sure you’re gonna have a weird form of beard-burn by the time you get up, but you don’t let it stop you and you rock back and forth on him. He takes a second to strip your dress completely off, leaving you completely nude where before your belly button had been afforded a little modesty but nowhere else and you brace yourself with hands on his shoulders to arch your back, pushing your tits out and grind down on him.

“That’s it baby, show me how much you love this ‘suit, want you to get me all wet darling, not letting you up till there’s a spot on me,” You can feel your heat rising just from his words, and the rough material under you provides just enough friction for you to feel yourself getting close. 

He pulls you closer to him, so that you’re rocking your body practically into his crotch, and the movement is pulling the jumpsuit off of his chest a little, the tiniest hint of a nipple peeking out. You lean forward, rocking against him and shifting your balance with your arms around his neck for stability. You can feel every part of the chest section of the jumpsuit rubbing against your skin, pinkening it with the feel of the stones but, as your own nipple catches between a group of them with a little prickle of pain, you can’t help but moan, it only adding to to your building pleasure. He lets out his own little grunt as you move your head to his neck - causing him to fall back against the chair further. You’re practically horizontal now, although his feet remain on the floor and it puts your cheek in contact with his chest. You nuzzle into him, unable to resist licking when he’s so close - so shiny, so tempting. He bucks his hips as you do as if you’ve unlocked a hidden sensitivity of his. It only spurs you on more, moving to suckle on his little pink nipple, one of your hands coming away from his neck to stroke his chest hair. You only realise you’d zoned everything but his chest out when you feel a hand in your hair, pulling your head back and you suddenly realise he’s been talking, babbling at you, the whole time but you’d had such a single-minded focus you’d not even noticed. 

“Lord baby, you gots a hot little mouth, hot fucking little lips. God baby, your tongue, where’d you learn to do that, huh? Liable to make a man cream his pants like that, honey, and wouldn’t that be a waste?” He strokes your face and you smile, looking up at him, as he lets go of your hair and rubs his hands down your sides again. It’s only a moment later when he’s hauling you off of him, struggling to his feet. You stand there, flushed but growing colder in the frigid air with every moment that passes without being pressed against his burning body heat, your nipples pebbling. You watch as he surveys the room for a moment, his own arousal more than a little apparent in the stretchy fabric of the jumpsuit - before sighing, 

“Simple’s the best. Right honey?” 

“Sure, I’m - I’m sure that’s right El,” You agree, but not really knowing what you’re answering and he catches you by the arm pushing you backwards onto the bed, you gasp and scrabble backwards at his insistent pushing. A moment later you understand as he’s pulling the belt off, unzipping himself finally and, - oh, he’s not taking it off, he’s just unzipping the suit all the way, pulling his cock out. You groan, head falling back against the mountain of pillows. You’d never, never have mentioned how much you wanted this, to have his thick powerful body still encased in his jumpsuit as he fucks you. His magnetism, the sexual energy from the concert and his presence on the stage being impressed upon you with every brush of your naked body against the fabric - against the rhinestones. 

He pulls himself back a little before slipping a finger into you, ring bumping against your folds, it sinks in easily - you’re already so ready, just from bouncing on his thigh, and to be honest you’d been wet enough from the moment Also Sprach Zarathustra had turned into See See Rider. He hums, pleased that you’re soaking for him, and he doesn’t wipe off his finger before pushing it into your mouth, 

“That’s it baby, suck it off, taste yourself on me,” You obediently do as he says, sucking down - hollowing your cheeks, eyes wide. He pulls it out to balance himself on one hand, grasping his cock in the other, pumping it a couple times before lining himself up with your entrance. 

“Better be ready for me honey - ‘cause I’m sure as hell ready to sink into your tight little cunt.” You gasp as he doesn’t even wait for a reply, pushing himself into you. He’s pressing into you from all angles as you slowly adjust to his length within you, his soft tummy - crystals pressing into you from above, his musky chest just below your eye-line and his arm bracketing you into him from the other side of your neck. He stills for a second, before leaping into motion, struggling slightly to move himself more upright, keeping himself in you and pulling you close against him with a hold on your hips. You’re on your back while he kneels up now, allowing him to lift your butt a little, and thrust a little deeper. You squirm on him, little moans and gasps being released - you’ve not yet been able to get past having had the bedroom next to your parents growing up. He grabs your hips now, rings pressing in tight, to move your body onto him as he pumps into you. He’s talking the whole time - the man’s unable to stay quiet any moment he’s awake - 

“Oh god darling, never gonna be able to wear this suit ‘gain, Lord how’re you, so -” He thrusts in, hard, to punctuate his next sentence - “so - fucking - tight.” His breathing is already growing heavier, “How’re you so goddamn tight - like Lil’ Elvis is caught in a - ah - fucking vice. God, look at you.” 

You look up at him, fresh sweat starting to form at his chest and brow, he’s not even looking at you though, and you wonder who that last comment had been aimed at as he’s staring at his own reflection in the mirror. You’re glad though, when he smiles - eyes bright when he does glance back at you; whatever he’d seen had clearly cheered him up and out of his self-conscious mood, enough to encourage a sudden burst of energy again. He drags you back, lifting his own hips enough to spear into you at just the right angle. As he hits that perfect spot inside of you repeatedly he moves his hand from where it was still clutching your hip to stroke down across your mound, it’s a slightly awkward angle but he manages to swipe his thumb perfectly across your clit - your leg jerking, and your back arching in response. 

“Oh - Elvis, oh god, I’m so fucking close - babe you gotta, just keep -” He grunts above you, his thumb keeping pace, and his cock thrusting in at the same speed. It’s mere seconds, 

“Fuck - baby, you’re squeezin’ ‘round me so fuckin’ ti-ght, that’s a good fucking girl, my good girl.” Before it’s enough to send you over the edge, clenching down on him and shuddering, your mouth agape and your eyes shuttering closed as the waves of your orgasm crash over you. 

“Oh, oh - god, Elvis -” His pace changes, and it drags you back from floating, as he just goes for it at a rapid pace, fingernails clawing at your skin, before his hips are stuttering and he’s quickly pulling out as the first streaks of his ejaculate shoot across your pussy, he pulls himself up, pumping it across your tummy, and you moan at the sight - him looking goddamn regal - sparkling in the dim light as he shoots across you. He moves one of his hands to rub it over you, between your folds and over your stomach -  into your belly button. Before he collapses on top of you,  practically smothering you, in an effort to reach your mouth to kiss you - your legs are so tired and tense but you can just about lift them up to come around to grasp at him, barely noticing the now-familiar scratch of the rhinestones, locking your ankles over his back. You’re probably smearing cum all over the jumpsuit but you don’t care - too desperate to feel him close to you. You lock lips for a long moment, letting him take whatever he wants, underneath him like this it’s difficult to feel anything but utterly submissive and at his mercy. Your lips are bitten and raw by the time he pulls away and rolls off of you, and you can’t do anything but lie there, your chest heaving as you try to catch your breath. You look over at him, and he’s in practically the exact same position, soft matted chest hair wet with sweat and his little rounded tummy poking out of the unzipped suit with his now soft cock resting outside too, but smiling up at the ceiling - 

“Wish I still had my scarf - wouldn’t even have to get up to find something to wipe us down with,” You laugh with him, just barely getting the effort yourself to stand, on shaky legs, you’re sweaty and damp yourself and you can’t imagine how he feels - going straight into this after a two hour long concert, so you chivvy him up, 

“C’mon then El, I’ll run us a bath - we can get all clean together,” He hums, sounding as if he’s close to his come down already, 

“ ’S-ok little one, I can - just need a, a, wipe down.” You frown, you like his musk but no way in hell are you getting back into bed with him like this, but you’re not quite sure how to say it without starting an argument, when strangely, for once - Elvis seems to sense your reluctance, “Alright, alright, fine. But only if I get you all wet and warm in my lap,” he laughs to himself again, “well - warm and wet again - huh, darlin’,” You giggle with him, walking gingerly to put the bath on, and as you stand up he’s already stood behind you - crowding you against the dark bathroom wall, stroking your sides with his thick fingers, he tips your chin up to look you right in the eyes - “Thank you for that though little one, needed - needed to see how much you like me, see me again, been - I’ve been so distracted I ain’t had chance to even look at myself in weeks.” You smile, 

“Of course Elvis, I’m all yours - anytime.” You pause, wondering if you should mention it, “Seriously though - we’re gonna have to get Bill or Ciro -  someone’s gotta fix that dress,” He just laughs at you, shaking his head - 

“Honey, I told you - I’ll just buy it.”

[sweetly-yours-and-mine]

Could I request a little ‘A got roped into a blind date by their friends. They don't want a new relationship and plan to make themselves as unlikeable as possible to dissuade any further possible setups. All of that goes through the window when they see how gorgeous B is.’ with Santi as person A

(if you get this twice I’m sorry I can’t remember if I sent this irl or not because I saw the post when I was hazy and delusional at 2 AM)

Pairing: Santiago Garcia x Reader

Word Count: 912

A/N: Just opened up my askbox for some requests! First time writing for Santi, very very excited about this one! (And don't worry ab requesting twice, hun! It was a very inspiring prompt)

Warnings: fluff, santi thinks he's unlovable, a bit angsty ig?, frankie morales is a good bro, poorly edited (author has BDE)

Santiago really didn’t do the whole dating thing. 

The flowers and the small-talk and the footsies over cheese-stuffed appetisers. 

He had a long-term relationship with running away, that strange, filtered aeroplane air making him feel closer to home than any of his mother’s cooking could ever hope to do. 

Better put, he wasn’t relationship material. 

It wasn’t a deliberate choice from his end. 

It sort of just…happened. 

Life had morphed Santiago into the jagged, crooked, ugly thing that he was now. 

In all of his attempts (three) at the real thing, all his tries at the dart board called love, it usually always ended in the same fashion. He’d take her to meet his friends, she’d realise sooner than later that she’d drawn the losing hand out of the four of them, and it was downhill from there. 

One of them had been kind enough even to enlighten him to exactly what he lacked. 

You just need to be more…Frankie, Santi. 

Though it hurt, it was good to get out in the open like that. The plain, mumpy truth, in all its glory: 

Santiago wasn’t relationship material because of the amount of ‘Frankie-ness’ that was lacking in his blood and DNA, because he was the losing hand, the cracked skipping stone in the middle of a torrential river on the way to the safety of land and love, true love. 

And so, in what would be considered a sociologist’s dream case study, Santiago did what he did best, self-fulfilled then self-destructed. 

He was the intermediary for girls before they managed to find their Frankie, Benny, Will. 

It was a tough truth to chew, left a bitter taste in his mouth, that he’d only been created for people to recognize their self-worth and move on. There was a disagreeable insinuation behind it, if he thought about it too long. 

Which was precisely why he didn’t. 

And he ran away instead when things got too hard, too painful. Like a thumbtack in the heel of his foot. 

But Frankie on the other hand, Frankie thought about it long and hard. Too hard and too long, no matter how often Santiago told him to quit it. 

From his seat behind the driver’s wheel, Frankie was able to watch everything with a keen, honed eye, his two ears moving back and forth like a great-horned owl’s. 

And nothing was able to go past Frankie’s eyes without him picking it up and giving it a thorough inspection.

Which is why Frankie's been adamant about it. A real pain in the ass. 

Santiago was the bachelor of the group now. The only single one left. 

And Frankie was set on changing that. 

No matter how much Santiago protested. 

Will and Benny gave in to Santiago’s reality with a simple nod, the former’s eyes sad and sombre, the latter’s teasing a little light-hearted and half-hearted. 

But Frankie and him had the strongest bond he’s ever experienced. Saving a guy’s life a couple times does that to you. 

Santiago knows, if anything, that whatever happens in this god-forsaken world, that Frankie will always be his rock, the one constant in a world of possibilities and probabilities.

But it also meant that Frankie had some sort of gall that the others didn’t. 

And tonight, he meant to put an end to it, swiftly and surely. 

The sibling of a friend of a cousin. 

That still doesn’t mean Santiago wants to be here. 

Detached enough from them that if it all went to shit, the ripples would be minimal. Attached enough to them to make the small talk a little less small-talkey.

“You’re frowning.” 

“That’s because I’m mad, pendejo,” he grumbles back at the baseball cap. 

Frankie huffs and though he can’t see it, he hears the eye-roll. 

He feels like a petulant child, like he’s being babysat to make sure he won’t act out. 

Which is what he is precisely planning to do. 

He’ll take care of it quickly. Despite his cynical, eighty-year-old with three cats schmick he’s settling into nicely, he still has a bit of heart. And whoever the poor person was that had been roped into this will be roped out just as quickly. No harm done and Santiago’s Frankie problem fixed once and for all. 

With another huff, Frankie leans back in his seat and fixes him with beady eyes, “At least, try to be a little agreeable.” 

He only grumbles in response. 

It’s a white-and-red chequered tablecloth kind of place. Corny, romantic, candle-lit. 

Santiago was hoping he’d never have to set foot in such a place again. 

The door jingles open. 

Show-time. 

Frankie sends him another one of his glares, and Santiago sends it straight back, letting it settle on his face, deep into the grooves of it. 

There’s rolls and rolls of nervousness fading off of you. 

But you look nice-

Beautiful. 

Gorgeous. 

The air’s been swamped out of his lungs. 

This wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan. This weird, fluttering thing that’s been going on his body since he laid eyes on you. 

Santiago’s vaguely aware that you’re talking with Frankie, thanking him for arranging it all. 

And there’s a lull in the murmurs. 

He hastily gathers himself up, the angry little press of lines on his forehead all but gone. 

He scrambles for the flowers Frankie made him buy you and holds them out, swallowing thickly, “Hi, I’m Santi.” 

He hopes that this’ll make for a hell of a first-date story.

Thanks for reading, if you liked it, please consider leaving some feedback! I don't usually respond, but I obsess and re-read reblogs and comments constantly.

Masterlist here, requests here.

[k-slla]

Dreams do come true

A/n: Thank you @cevansbaby-dove for this request! I had fun writing this. Hope you'll like it too @jackles010378!

Even though it's my second time writing smut, I'm quite proud of this, but all kinds of feedback is appreciated!

Dream/thoughts in Italic

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ONLY, language, oral (m&f receiving), fingering

Dividers by @cafekitsune ❤️

My Masterlist

This was the photo I used for inspiration.🔻

His rough hands were caressing my thighs, squeezing them moving upwards closer to my aching core, where I needed him the most. He slid a finger into me and I couldn't help but bite down my moans as his tongue started circling my clit. "Fuck, yess!" I whimpered and arched my back off the seat to try to get him somehow even closer to me. I was squirming under him.

"Oh, Dean, that is so good." I felt his mouth leave my body and disappointment took it's place for a second. "You like that, huh? Want more?" His green eyes pierced mine waitingly. "Yes, please, Dean, I need more." He added a finger and curled them up at my sweet spot, making me shudder in pleasure.

"Y/N, you good back there?" Dean's voice woke me up. "Sounded like you had a pleasant dream there." He chuckled. Oh, dear, he must've heard everything. "I have to admit, I even debated whether to wake you or not." He threw me a knowing look in the rearview mirror. Clearly there was no point of denying it. "Hah, you're funny." I said sarcastically.

Few minutes of silence passed between us and my mind kept going back to my dream again and again. His hands traveling up my body, fingers filling me sweetly. I was missing his touch even though it was just a dream. I shuffled restlessly in my seat. It's been way too long since I last had anyone else but myself relieving my needs.

"Everything alright, Y/N?" He asked. "No, can you stop the car please?" He pulled over to the side of the road. Better just to seize the day right? Or night, in my case. I sat up, so I could see him in the mirror.

"Can I ask you something?" I looked straight into his eyes. "Sure, anything." His tone remained casual but I noticed his knuckles were white from gripping the wheel.

"And you have to be honest, you know?" He nodded. "Did you like what you heard earlier?" His jaw tightened at my question, which I considered as a yes. "Kinky." I smirked. "Care to join me here?" I raised an eyebrow and pulled aside on the seat.

I could really see I caught him off guard.

"Well, don't get shy on me now, Dean. We can have some fun." That was apparently all he needed to get out and climb to the backseat with me.

I pushed him into the seat to straddle him as soon as he closed the door.

"Aren't you eager? Straight to business. Me likey." He laughed. "Shut up and kiss me." I commanded and I didn't have to say that twice. Our lips locked in heated kiss as his hand slowly moved under my shirt to cup my breast.

I started to rock myself lazily back and forth on his lap. Feeling him already hard between my legs, I moaned loudly as I broke the kiss. "Wait, wait, wait. Dean, are you really sure you want this? I don't want to-" He stroked his thumb across my lips, shutting me up. "Shhh, Y/N. I've wanted for this for a long time. Very long time. Stop overthinking."

He whispered and kissed me again slightly pulling my hair. My hands moved blindly downwards so I could remove his pants that were already in the way for me. I pulled them down and moved on to the seat next to him. Freeing him from his boxers, I couldn't help to hold back a gasp. "Oh, wow, your BDE is definitely justified." I closed my hand around his cock and started to move it with slow motions twisting my hand along it. "Oh shit, you're so good." He mumbled quietly, as If only to himself.

"Wait, what the hell is BDE?" He added after short pause. "Big Dick Energy." I tried to suppress a laugh. He didn't seem to be happy hearing that. "That's funny to you, huh?"

"Oh, yeah." I smiled cheekily as I lowered myself towards his lap. In one swift motion I took him all in my mouth. His hips jerked up and hand tugged on my hair in response. "Oh, fuck, you continue to surprise me." I released him from my mouth with a loud pop and gave him a long lick from the base up, circling my tongue around the tip while my hand was busy massaging his balls. His head fell back in pleasure.

I then started to pick up the pace, taking him in faster and deeper with each move. Dean's grunts got louder and grip tightened in my hair. "Not gonna last long, if you keep it up like that." He said.

I took a quick breath. "Good." I slowed myself down and moaned to add vibrations."You're so fucking gorgeous, Y/N." His breathing got shallower and I could feel him not keeping up longer. With a few quick moves I pushed him completely over the edge. I swallowed every last bit of him and licked him clean after, letting him calm himself.

He took some deep breaths and moved on the seat so he could pull me into laying position. After helping me out of my clothes he finally asked."So, Y/N, want to tell me about that dream of yours?"

"Mmm, we were in similar position. You were kneeling in front of me. Your hands moved up my thighs-" I couldn't finish my sentence when I suddenly felt his fingers on my clit.

"Oh, yeah, you were doing that and - " I looked down and saw his green eyes intently on me. "Did I also do that?" He asked and slipped a finger in me. He started moving it painfully slowly and my mind got foggy and hands digged into the seat next to me. "Shit, Dean, feels so good." I moaned out loud when he added one more and fingered me faster. "Look at me. I want you to see how I'm going to eat you 'til you cum all over me." I couldn't even think clearly when I felt him add his tongue to the action. I threw my head back in ecstasy and buried my fingers in his hair. "I- I'm close, Dean." His teeth grazed my throbbing bud and he whispered. "Well, don't hold back." He sucked me hard and I felt like falling into a abyss of pleasure as the wave of my orgasm totally overcame me.

I took a minute to catch my breath. "Oh, wow! That was -" I sighed happily. "I know, it really was." Dean answered as came up to give me some sweet kisses. After getting dressed I joined him on the front seat.

We were driving back to the Bunker when I got an crazy, stupid idea. Dare I even offer it to him? I took one if his hands into mine and started playing with his fingers. "Dean. I got an idea." I said suggestively. "What's that?"

"I mean, I- I'd like to do this again. Sometimes." I started. "We could both benefit from it, you know? I know you don't do relationships and neither do I but it could be a no strings attached kind of agreement." He cut in. "Relax, Y/N. What are you offering exactly?" He smirked. "Oh, you know exactly what I'm offering, you dork! Want me to spell it out to you?" I laughed. "Would you like to try to make this friends with benefits kind of deal? Relationship? Whatever. I mean, under no circumstances I want to lose our friendship over this so if this doesn't work, I'd rather break it off." I looked at him waitingly.

"No feelings? Just sex?" He asked.

"No feelings, but you have to swear that you won't fall for me you know." I smiled, knowing already where this was leading. "Smart ass." He smiled smugly. "We could definitely try that thing. Would be definitely easier than picking up some girls at bar." He agreed and I knew we made a good decision.

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Valentine's Don't

Bang Chan x Female reader

Word count: 4k

Synopsis: Sick of spending every Valentine's Day in a rut you impulsively ask a cute guy at the bar to go out with you. Will your plan to meet up backfire in your face?

Warnings: None really. Swearing/strong language, drinking/mentions of alcohol. That's it I think. If I missed something let me know!

Why, why did you let your friend talk you into coming to the bar one week before Valentine’s Day? You always hated the ‘holiday’ ever since elementary school. It was just a popularity contest that you never won, hell you never even placed. Now you were at the bar alone, ditched by your friend that made you come out in the first place when the first halfway cute guy approached her. Not that you blamed her. If a halfway hot guy approached you right now you probably wouldn’t be so bitter but alas you clearly weren’t winning any popularity contests still. Which may be your fault, you were not always the most approachable person, but your past had taught you to be guarded. 

You were working on your third drink since your friend had disappeared and after you emptied the glass you happened to catch a look at a guy from across the bar. He was way beyond halfway hot he was scorching, fire, lava. What’s hotter than lava? He was that! He looked away when the two of you made eye contact.

Had he been looking at you? Only one way to find out. Tipsy you was about to make a big move because why the fuck not at this rate? The worst he could do was say no, well no, the worst he could do was laugh in your face and tell you you’re dumb and ugly. You were going out on a limb that he wasn’t the type to say that. You approached him with all the BDE you could muster. 

“How many times a day do you get told your gorgeous, it's gotta be in the double digits.” He turned towards you smiling and his ears instantly turned red. 

“Probably about half as much as you do.” You grimaced. 

“Yikes. That bad huh?” He laughed at the jab you took at yourself not realizing it was one hundred percent true. No one ever walked up to you let alone walked up and told you you were gorgeous. Maybe it was the ‘don’t fuck with me’ look that had a way of unintentionally appearing on your face or maybe they thought... you were hit with a realization you, for some stupid reason, hadn’t considered before approaching him 

“Oh wait, oh shit, I’m sorry you have a girlfriend don’t you. I’m so sorr-” He shook his head. 

“No no. You’re fine I don’t have a girlfriend.” You quirked an eyebrow. 

“Boyfriend?” He laughed so hard his dimples appeared. 

“No boyfriend either no, I’m single.” You nodded. 

“So do you come to this bar a lot?” he wiggled his hand back and forth. 

“Sometimes, some of my friends are in the band.” 

“What about next Tuesday?” It was so random, and you asked so quickly it caught him off guard. 

“Oh uh...” He thought for a moment. 

“Ohhh isn’t that Valen-” You waved and shook your head. 

“Yea okay look I’m gonna give it to you straight is that okay?” You legitimately waited for his reply, and he nodded. Just lay it all out for him, fuck it. 

“You’re probably the prettiest person I’ve ever seen in my life, and I don’t even know your name, but I have never had a good Valentine’s Day, I’m always angry and alone. I don’t want another repeat, I’m sick to death of it, for once I’d like to go out with a cute guy and actually enjoy the stupid holiday. So here it is, I’m going to come to this bar at 7 pm February 14th. If you think spending Valentine’s with me might be fun, meet me here. If you don’t, well then, no hard feelings.” You turned to walk away, and he caught your hand to stop you. 

“Chris...” You looked at him confused. 

“My name...it’s Chris...” You smiled and nodded then turned and headed straight out of the bar. You would text your friend to tell her you left, you had to go after that move. As soon as you were out the door you were mentally kicking yourself. God that must have seemed so desperate, you hoped it came off as confident. Ugh why did you do that!?  

Every day that week up until Valentine’s Day you went back and forth between freaking out and trying to be optimistic. He did laugh and he’d told you his name, but you were never very good at being optimistic. Your internal monolog was louder. ‘He could have been laughing at you not with you, Chris is so generic he probably said the first name that came to mind.’ Then you would be back to freaking out again. 

Valentine’s Day. You had decided you were going to go, now all you had to do was muster up that same BDE that you’d had when you asked him out in the first place. You dressed nicely but not too fancy, put on a little make up and just threw your hair up, a few of those stubborn pieces refusing to stay put, falling around your face. Your nerves started to get to you again, and that voice. ‘No sense in trying too hard, he won’t be coming.’

You second guessed even going yourself and you had just about talked yourself out of it, then you saw yourself in the mirror. You had put in a little effort to look nice already, you could at least go and have a drink then leave when he doesn’t show. No one would know the difference anyway.  

So you were sitting there at the bar about halfway through your first drink, you were trying to pace yourself, but when you looked at the clock and saw seven fifteen you downed the rest of your glass and signaled to the bar tender for another.

At seven thirty and two drinks down, you decided you would rather get drunk at home alone than in a bar full of couples groping each other while wearing literal heart eyes. You threw some cash down on the bar and went to leave. As you were making your way through the sea of people you could hear someone from the crowd behind you calling for someone. 

“Hey! Uh... wait hey!” The voice sounded like it was getting closer and closer. Whoever they were looking for was evidently in your direction. 

“Wait! Fucking hell, I... I don’t know your name... fuck. Hey gorgeous!” For some reason that struck you and made you turn. When you did you saw that the person who had been yelling was in fact yelling for you and that person was Chris. You must have looked shocked when he walked up. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late I was taking care of something really important and it took me a little longer than I thought it would.” You still stood there stunned. He actually came? You shook the cobwebs in your brain loose and remembered how to speak. 

“Oh, uh no that’s fine, I just figured...” He frowned a little. 

“I was standing you up? Sorry, I’d have texted and told you, but I didn’t know your number, or your name...” He chuckled rubbing the back of his neck. 

“No really it's okay, did you want to grab a drink?” He shook his head. 

“We should probably get going if we’re going to make our dinner reservations.” You stood there stunned again. 

“D-dinner?” He laughed, his eyes scrunched and his dimples showed. 

“Yes, dinner. It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m taking a cute girl out to dinner.” You started giggling like a teenaged girl talking to her crush. Your giggle transformed into a cough as you cleared your throat, trying to maintain your cool façade from the week before. 

“Right of course dinner. Let’s go then.” Chris smiled and placed his hand on the small of your back. You wished it didn’t send a shiver up your spine. God you were touch starved. Chris led you out of the bar and to his car, opening the door for you. Right at that very moment you actually stopped and thought for a second. What you were doing seemed so crazy you hadn’t told any of your friends. Cute or not, no one knew you were meeting this guy and you were about to climb in his car. You hesitated getting in. 

“You’re not some serial killer, are you? If I ask and you are, you have to tell, that’s the rule.” Chris laughed with his whole body. You really liked his laugh; it was warm and made you smile.  

“I think that’s for undercover police but no, I’m not a serial killer.” You nodded side eyeing him. 

“That’s exactly what I’d expect an undercover cop to say.” Tears were in his eyes, every time he thought he had a hold of himself you had him laughing again. What Chris didn’t realize was humor was your security blanket when you were nervous. It was kind of hard for you to make friends, it wasn’t easy for you to open up and be vulnerable enough for people to really get to know you. When you did make friends it was usually because you made them laugh, so that was your go to safety net when you weren’t sure if being yourself was okay.  

After a short ride you pulled up to a small restaurant. The only way it stood out was the neon sign with its name in cursive. You could blink and miss it. When Chris led you into the dimly lit restaurant you could hear salsa music playing. There was limited seating and a dance floor took up quite a bit of space. The only time you had ever danced was at prom and that was more shuffling back and forth while being groped than it was actually dancing.  

“We don’t have to dance. I picked this place because they have great food and music, the dancing is optional.” He must have picked up on your immediate apprehension. 

“We can dance.” The fuck were you saying? 

“Looks fun.” FUN!? Oh God why was your overzealous mouth sabotaging you like that. 

“Really?” He asked surprised and you nodded 

“Yea really!” ‘Yea really’ you mocked yourself in your head as you continued to speak without thinking. 

“That’s great, I used to be a dancer. I don’t get to do it very often anymore.” Of course he used to be a dancer, look at him. Making an ass out of yourself in front of a hot amateur wasn’t enough, go ahead and make a fool of yourself in front of a hot professional instead.  

“You used to be a dancer?” That was in fact what he said. Braindead much? He nodded and suddenly your mouth was overriding your brain again. 

“Exotic?” Chris laughed shaking his head. 

“No no, mostly hip hop but some contemporary and ballroom as well.” Fantastic. You dropped the subject as you made it to the table. Maybe it wouldn’t come up again. Once you were both seated and your drinks were ordered you started to loosen up a bit. You had a little small talk, but you still didn’t open up about yourself.

Chris was friendly and open. He struck you as the type that never met a stranger. You both ordered your food and he was right, the meal was delicious. The music was good, and he was pleasant to talk to also. After you ate you both sat there listening to the band. Chris smiled and tapped his toe along with the rhythm.  

“You know someone in the band here too?” You asked sarcastically and sipped your drink. His dimples appeared again. 

“Yes actually.” You almost spit your drink out. 

“Really?!” He nodded smiling ear to ear and pointed. 

“See the buff dude playing drums?” You shook your head. 

“That’s my friend Changbin, he fills in here sometimes, but he usually plays at the bar where we met.” Then you recognized him, you had seen him playing at the bar before. 

“So how about that dance.” You laughed nervously. You really hoped he’d forgotten about that. 

“Aren’t you supposed to wait twenty minutes before dancing after a meal?” Chris shook his head laughing again. You really liked his laugh. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s swimming but if you don’t want to-” You quickly shook your head. 

“No, I want to!” Internal face palm. Way to not take the out he gave you genius. 

“You sure?” You nodded. There you go! Double down on your chance to look stupid, why not? 

“Great come on!” He held out his hand and you took it. As he led you towards the dance floor your heartbeat got louder and louder in your ears, you almost couldn’t hear the music. When he turned to face you, you had no idea what to do. Chris picked up on that pretty quickly if he didn’t know outright from the start. He pulled you closer by your hips, then he placed your hands on his shoulders before grabbing your hips again. 

“Just follow my lead.” You gave him a small smile and shook your head as he started to sway both of your hips to the beat of the music.  

“There you go, now look at me.” Your eyes had been glued to your feet. Two of Chris’ fingers placed under your chin tilted your head up to look him in the eye. 

“Perfect. Gorgeous.” You could feel yourself starting to flush. 

“Now when I take a step forward you take a step back and when I take a step back you take one forward. It’s easy.” He took a step back and you followed taking a step forward. Chris’ hips swiveled to the rhythm as he took a step forward and you back. 

“A natural!” You bit back the smile trying to force its way out. 

“Yea a natural disaster, just like a tornado.” You scoffed and Chris laughed. You made it through the first song only stepping on his toes a few times, then a slower more sultry song started.

Chris pulled you closer, your hips almost pressed together, you didn’t think your face could burn any hotter when his hips started swaying with yours, his arms around your waist, yours wrapped around his shoulders. You bravely toyed with the curls at the nape of his neck while watching your feet again. When you did, he started rubbing his thumbs gently against your lower back making your skin erupt in goosebumps.  

“So why do you hate Valentine’s Day?” He suddenly broke the silence between you. You looked up and shrugged your shoulders opting to look over his shoulder and not in his eyes as you attempted to be a little open. 

“Might as well be Friday the thirteenth to me. It’s just never been a good day, I dunno. Break ups always seemed to happen around that time for me, I always end up alone. When I caught my last boyfriend cheating on me on Valentine's Day that just kind of sealed the deal for me.” 

“How long ago was that?” You just shook your head. It had been years but you had given up on finding someone, trying to be content in your loneliness. This stupid holiday just always got to you. You finally willed yourself to look at him, Chris gave you a tight smile.  

“Sorry.” You shook your head and tried to laugh it off putting up the wall again. 

“What are you sorry for? It’s just some corporate holiday to make money off saps. It’s not that big of a deal really.” You looked back over his shoulder again focusing on the wall behind him hoping he wouldn’t press the matter as you tried to hide the overwhelming sadness you felt suddenly. He didn’t thankfully and you finished dancing to the song in silence.   

“Come on let's get out of here.” 

“Where to?” Chris shook his head. 

“Nnnope, it’s a surprise and why I was late. I hope that it makes up for it.”  

“You’ve already more than made up for it just by coming at all Chris. Thanks.” He smiled and his hand braced the small of your back as you both got your things and left the restaurant. Once you both were in the car and on your way a silence hung between you again and that internal monolog of yours came back. ‘You sounded desperate before now you sound sad and des-” As if Chris could sense the spiraling thoughts in your head, he finally broke the silence. 

“So Valentine’s Day is a bust holiday for you, what’s your favorite?” You thought about his question and then shook your head not wanting to give him the sad answer. 

“Come on you can tell me, please?” He pushed his bottom lip out and it was too cute not to give into. 

“Halloween was my favorite when I was a kid.” Chris smiled. 

“All the candy is pretty awesome.” You shook your head. 

“No, I mean yeah, the candy was great, but I liked it because I was able to be someone else for a day, anyone else. I don’t know just someone that wasn’t me.” Chris’ brow furrowed. 

“Why wouldn’t you want to be you?” Chris was pulling up to an iron fence and parking as he asked. You couldn’t help your attention suddenly being drawn to your surroundings. 

“Just because I... uh Chris why are we at a cemetery?” He shook his head. 

“It’s not a cemetery it’s a botanical garden. A friend...”  

“Plays in the band here too?” He laughed, that warm sweet laugh of his. 

“No no they run the place though and when they closed at seven I met her and got the keys to the place. Which is why I was so late. Sorry again about that.” You shook your head, you were shocked. If Chris put so much effort into a Valentine’s date with a total stranger he must be a really good friend. You hoped after that night you could be friends.  

He unlocked the gate and led you into the garden. It was kind of hard to see just at first then Chris disappeared for a second and the next thing you knew hundreds of thousands of twinkle lights lit up the whole garden. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Suddenly Chris was by your side again startling you.

You turned to him with your hand still over your heart. When you looked up at him you couldn’t speak. He was beautiful, you knew that, anyone with eyes knew that, but with the lights and the garden, his smile that scrunched up his eyes, he was stunning, hence the speechlessness. Finally you forced yourself to form words. 

“Chris... I... just... you did all of this for me? Dinner? This garden? For me?” You were genuinely confused because you had never met anyone like him before, as beautiful inside as he was outside. Your cool façade was melting, you had no joke or punchline. 

“Well it’s not like I strung up all the lights or anything, but yeah! I know it’s not much-” You kissed him. You threw your arms around his shoulders and kissed him and he kissed you back. It was a soft innocent kiss, a thank you, that words alone couldn’t convey. 

“Thank you.” You whispered as you pulled back with your eyes closed. He tasted like mint and smelled like the woods. 

“You’re welcome-” His voice was a breath; he cupped your face and immediately kissed you again. There was more passion behind his lips the second time, his hands cradled your face as he tilted his head, his plump lips slightly parting to taste more of yours. You followed, your lips parting, head tilting. Chris’ tongue gently invaded your mouth, teasing yours.

You toyed with the curls at his neck again as the two of you slowly, softly kissed. Chris let go of your face and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you closer. After a moment you two broke the kiss, having to breathe being your only reason. You both stood there flushed, chests rapidly rising and falling with heavy breaths, arms wrapped around one another. He chewed at his bottom lip and smiled at you, forcing a small smile onto your face. 

“Um, heh, uh why don’t I show you around the place hm?” You nodded and Chris grabbed your hand and started to lead you through the garden. You both walked quietly for some time looking at all the beautiful flowers and reading different descriptions before Chris’ voice cut through the silence. 

“You know you really are gorgeous.” It caught you off guard. You must have looked shocked. You had been looking at flowers, but Chris had really only been looking at you this whole time. 

“W-what makes you say that?” He stopped walking and turned to you, grabbing your other hand holding both in his own. 

“Because you are and because I really want to kiss you again.” Before you could even think of how to reply to that Chris’ lips were softly pressed against yours again, his fingers threading through your hair. You gripped the front of his shirt and kissed him back, things getting heated rather quickly between the two of you. Finally Chris broke away apologizing. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m... uhh, I’m trying to be respectful, just... when I kiss you...” He wasn’t even sure of what he was trying to say. 

“It’s okay Chris...” You pulled him closer by his shirt and kissed him again both of you getting lost in the other momentarily. When your lips parted again you both started laughing. 

“How about I get you home?” Chris chuckled and you nodded, smiling the biggest smile you had in the longest time. You walked back out of the garden the way you came in so Chris could turn off the lights and lock back up. You both hopped in his car, you gave him directions to your place, and you were off. The car ride there was accompanied by some soft music Chris had put on. Once you got to your place Chris parked the car. 

“Hold on l’ll get your door.” Before you could insist that it was unnecessary, he was out of the car making his way around to your side. He opened the door and helped you out. He kept a hold of your hand the whole way to your front door. You fished your keys out and stood there a moment. 

“This has been the best Valentine’s Day Chris. Thank you.” You couldn’t look at him only your feet, you felt so vulnerable at that moment. Chris traced the back of his fingers along your cheek, you tilted your head up and he leaned in and kissed you goodnight.  

“Thank you for inviting me to spend the evening with you.” Just before you opened your front door Chris cleared his throat. You turned and looked at him confused. 

��Well I was just wondering I mean... I’d like to take you out again some time if that’s alright?” You nodded smiling. 

“I’d really like that Chris.” He stood there for a moment like he was still waiting for something more. 

“Would it be okay if I got your number?” He handed you his phone as you laughed. 

“Of course, I wasn’t even thinking!” You typed your number in and hit call. Your phone started ringing and you hung up. 

“There now I’ve got yours too.” You handed Chris back his phone. 

“Just one more thing?” You stood there waiting for his final request from you perhaps another goodnight kiss. 

“What’s your name?” Oh holy shit, you had gone this whole evening and not once did you bother mentioning your name! 

“Oh my god Chris I’m so sorry!” He laughed then you leaned in and kissed him, your lips slightly parted from his. 

“y/n.” He nodded and gave you one more peck on the lips smiling. 

“y/n... gorgeous.” 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[writingsofwesteros]

hi!!! i rly love your work so this idea suddenly popped into my head and i just had to request for it if it’s possible!!! 🥺

so our girl rhaenyra is a little tipsy/drunk (but still sober enough to consent to anything) and going back to her room. then f!reader (like in the place of alicent at the younger age) sees her struggling with her balance, goes to her then rhaenyra just gets all clingy and confesses to her. ANDDDDD then she just drags the reader into her room and do the nasty cause damn that girl has BIG DICK ENERGY. 😩

thank you in advance 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

AN: Hi, I hope you like it ;) She really has BDE for sure!! x

NSFW

You watched from across the room as the realm’s delight had another cup of the wine they were serving. A soft giggle escaped you as you shook your head. It would seem you would have to go and rescue her. “Excuse me.” You gently whispered to a Lady of the court that you couldn’t remember the name of now.

Your dress flowed behind you as those long locks of yours were tied neatly in a bun. It showed off your neck and shoulders so prettily. The ruby necklace adorned your soft skin; a gift from the Princess you were trailing after. The guards bowed their heads as you walked past and you politely smiled.

“Rhaenyra..” You called out as the Princess seemingly picked up speed. Your soft, sweet breasts bouncing as you moved; not that you realised. “Oh, Y/N..just who I was looking for.” Rhaenyra hummed. Her arms were already reaching for you; her face moving to nuzzle into your neck.

“Nyra…” You giggled out; her breath tickling you as you tried to move from her embrace. She only tightened her arms around you; her giggling joined your own now. “We should get you to your bed.” You whispered into her ear. “Hmm, you should come with me..” Rhaenyra whispered into your ear.

Your eyes widened at such scandalous talk and you chose to ignore her even as a bright blush came over your cheeks. You watched as she got that glint in her eye that meant mischief. You knew she was not going to take no for an answer; nor was your refusal true. It seemed Rhaenyra was aware of that even in her state.

“You will need to rest now.” You hummed as you allowed the Princess to take you into her chambers. Thankfully, the guards seemed to move towards the end of the corridor to give you some privacy. For what, you were unsure of as you looked towards the door that now closed on you both.

Her hands were on you instantly. “Rhaenyra..” You giggled out as you tried to ignore the tingling sensation she could only give you. “Hmm, I have missed you.” She whispered; her lips brushing against your neck that had you shivering. Goosebumps were already littering your soft skin as you tugged from her embrace.

“Let's get you in bed.” You whispered gently to her; stroking those bright locks of hers as you turned her towards the bed. “Yes, let's go.” She hummed and you had to shake your head in amusement as you followed her. Your eyes widened as she slipped from her gown without thought.

“Nyra..” You gasped out; fighting against staring at her too long as her soft body came into view. “I am getting into bed..I can’t sleep with my gown on.” She hummed as she looked over her shoulder at you. “Do you not want to do the same?” Rhaenyra whispered, gracefully stepping closer to you.

You locked eyes with her so they would not wander anywhere else ever as her hand slowly moved to your hip. “Hmm, do you not want to stay with me?” The Princess asked so innocently as she looked up at you from under her lashes. You were always so weak for her and this time was no different.

“It is improper for me to stay.” You whispered out; her hands slowly moving up and down your sides whilst the Princess only hummed. You imagined she was hardly listening to you as her so soft lips found your own. You whimpered with your eyes widening. Of course, it was not the first time you had kissed but her bare body brushing against your own had you tingling. It was not long before your own dress easily fell to the floor with her help.

“Nyra..” You gasped out her name once more, your eyes widening whilst she only giggled; pulling you towards the bed. “I like you better without the dress on you.” Rhaenyra whispered to you. “Stop it..” You whispered out; a bright blush made its way over your body as you ducked your head.

Her fingers gently moved your head up to lock eyes with you once more. Before you knew it, her soft lips were on your own. “Nyra…” You still whimpered out as her hand moved into your locks; deepening the kiss. The Princess completely ignored you as her hands travelled over your soft body.

Your heart was pounding in your ears as you leaned closer; your soft bodies brushing against each other as you gently fell onto the bed. Rhaenyra’s eyes only became more greedy as she followed you. The Princess hovered over your body as she took your beautiful form in. Her eyes only darkened in desire. “You are so beautiful.” She whispered out, causing you to blush madly.

“Stop it..” You whispered out and you wondered if she could hear your heart racing as she softly manoeuvred you both. Before you knew it, your bare, weeping pussy was brushing against her own. “Oh gods…oh,” Your eyes widened whilst Rhaenyra only giggled into your ear before beginning to rock.

Her hands slowly moved up your stomach now; her hands gently palming your bouncing breasts. Your head easily fell back to the pillows as you began to whimper her name. “We shouldn’t do this..” You whined; soft moans echoing around her chambers as she pinched your nipple in punishment for your words.

“Nyra…” You gasped out; your inner thighs became soaked with your wetness already as your sensitive clit was rubbed by her own. Your hands shyly reached for the Princess, trailing down her sides before resting on her arse. A chuckle escaped her at your eagerness for more pleasure.

“Close, sweet girl?” She purred down at your; half in delight and half taunting as you moved to hide your face into the pillow. “Princess…” You whispered out her title; something she only enjoyed in the bedroom. The words were enough for her own movements to quicken whilst your stomach tightened.

Her hands reached for the headboard to move against you even more. Your soft, ample breasts bouncing as you tried to move with her. “So good…Nyra…” You were babble nonsense now as you whined and wiggled underneath her. Rhaenyra enjoyed the sight of you like this a little too much.

She promised herself to keep you now; you were hers to take and keep forever. “Good girl.” The Princess whispered her praises as you shook once more; your climax easily ripping through you as she continued to rock against you. Your legs shook at the oversensitive feel rushing through you.

[puckgoss]

Hiya! All-Star Anon 👋🏻

Yes, Jack wasn’t playing, I meant before their team started playing that they were told to solve it. They were co-captains and had to work together so they couldn’t be immature.

I was backstage because of work! I work in media here in Canada and there was a lot of other people there. Not PR to make it clear, otherwise I probably shouldn’t be saying all this. Just media content which is why I can confidently talk about the players’ attitude, they always show their true colors when dealing with other people giving them directions 😉

Barzal is a nice. He was nice to all of us but he is also a typical hockey jock. Prominent vocal fry when talking to his boys haha. Saw him approaching Tate McCrae pretty often when in the dressing rooms, laughing and all. Looked flirty. He also laughed a lot with Justin and Bublé. He drinks a lot of coffee, one day he drank 2 cups like in a row, didn’t even let the first one kick in. I think he seems very influenced and tries to fit in a lot, because his personality seems very force. He’s like trapped inside the body of a hot hockey player and he acts like it. But still nice. He’s great pals with Matthews too. They were very cute pre-games with bro-hugs and pep talks.

heeeyyyy

barzal: lol vocal fry. "trapped inside the body of a hot hockey player" pls 💀

ahahah oh biz. he's gross but he he's def got that BDE. and ya he does seem like he has genuine relationships w a lot of the players so that doesn't surprise me!

[neverlearnedtoread]

Spinning Silver

⭐⭐⭐⭐; the staryk king and mirnatius with the word 'wife' on the board: there's only one thing more horrible than a wife.... *rips off paper* MY wife

Oh?? 👌😉😏

women are fucking amazing and wonderful and terrifying and unequivocal badasses. especially to their husbands. it's about the fantasy of a marriage you have no control over being perfectly suited to you in ways you didn't even know it could

inhuman fae creatures that actually have a separate culture and set of rules they are governed by. they're much more powerful than humans, of course, but they are bound to their laws, and if you're smart you can work with that

fairytale-esque magic system that relies heavily on (1) trickery (2) Having Audacity and (3) the rule of threes 😉. we love a soft magic system that rewards big swings and BDE!

not one, but TWO separate arranged marriages engaged in HEATED pvp AKA two people bound in hostile matrimony trying to kill each other while having 'wait, are they hot? fuck!' moments

you can be cold and practical and still be a good person. you can be strong enough to protect yourself without sacrificing others. with a good enough grasp of contracts you can force a demon to leave your kingdom AND husband unharmed in a 2-for-1 deal

No.. ❌🤢🤮

multiple POVs with no names for chapter titles so you have to figure out who it is from context clues - if you're like me and love a little puzzle to go with your reading time, you'll really enjoy it (Novik does it VERY well) but if you get confused easily or don't wanna put in the brainpower its annoying and overly complicated

if you don't like enemies-to-lovers where they actually argue and are ideologically opposed, you're not gonna enjoy the romance subplots. this is not a 'forbidden-lovers' kinda enemies-to-lovers. this is firmly in the 'my husband misses me a lot - but his aim is getting better!' zone

really quick wrap up - it gets tied up a little too fast after the final confrontation with the Big Bad. i wouldve liked at least to have irina POV at the end because her side of things just. gets left hanging

Summary: Miryem is a daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders, and though her father doesn't have the hardheartedness to be a good one, she'd rather be despised for what she's owed than starve. Her knack for the trade, coupled with her sharp tongue, draws the ire of her village, and even more alarmingly, the Staryk's attentions; faerie creatures who only covet gold, they take her offhanded boast that she can turn silver into gold quite literally, and show up at her door to hold her true to her careless words - which, honestly, kind of backfires on them when she rises to the challenge and upends their realm into complete disarray, so maybe there's a lesson there for the next group of nonhumans to learn: don't bet the house against a human girl whose Had Enough Of All This Bullshit. She might win.

Concept: 💭💭💭 I don't know Rumpelstiltskin's story very well, and Ice Kingdom aesthetics aren't my favourite (you can blame it on my residual dislike of Frozen), but I DID read Uprooted before this. I wasn't as into the book blurb as I was with Uprooted, but I'm an experienced (and opinionated) enough reader to know when to trust my gut - if I find an author's writing style easy to read, and I enjoy how they handle their themes, I'm not afraid of diving into deep waters. If it's that bad, I can always DNF

Execution: 💥💥��💥 As I've come to expect with Novik's writing, a wonderfully easy read; the storytelling voice flows smoothly and makes me want to keep on reading. No slogging through difficult to understand passages and too slow pacing for me! I instantly wanted to collect every POV character like puppies in a basket, no matter how brief their sections were. I will say the ending does forget what it wants to say and simply ends on a happy note, instead of a complete thought. It doesn't tie in the POV characters together strongly enough - I would've loved to see an epilogue scenes with the 3 main female characters supporting each other, or at least being three distinct Bad Bitches!

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤ Mostly because of Irina and Miryem (and Wanda)'s absolute BDE. They truly brought their stories to life and felt very dynamic, constantly driving the story forward through their actions, especially because their personalities and characteristics were so well-suited to the challenges they faced (Miryem rules-lawyering the Staryk, Irina taking to politics, Wanda keeping faith despite all the shit she's been through). Honorary shoutout to the complete hilarity of Mirnatius's POV (though ultimately it IS more indulgence than necessity, I respect Novik for it) - may he spend the rest of his life desperately drawing his wife in vain search of her bad angles!

Favourite Moment: the running gag of mirnatius losing his fucking mind trying to prove irina isn't hot. you know that post that's like 'find a blorbo to draw and your art skills will start improving so much faster'? irina is his blorbo. special mention of the scene he gets jealous realizing a random guard has a crush on his behated wife and immediately jumps to the conclusion that irina would want to fuck the guard for the sake of the kingdom. babygirl the hoops you are jumping........where is this gymnastics routine even going 😭 this man is not beating the meow meow allegations..

Favourite Character: It's really a tie between Miryem and Irina, who are both so similar yet different at the same time. Miryem's BDE was enjoyably explosive - she throws it in everyone's face, which is perfect to play off of the Staryk's otherworldly impassiveness. Irina's BDE was a lot more...steely. Quietly coming into her own as she realized how adept she was at politics, and how perfectly well-suited that made her to being tsarina - and when they finally met each other? it was so funny when were like 'hey...why dont we kill our husbands via pokemon battle??'

[smallumbrella369]

Fic Master List

Music Moves Him 

Rated: M 

Posted: 2020-01-07

Story: Set right after grad night. David is overly cautious. Patrick wants more. Featuring a very sexy song by Two Feet 

The truest thing he knows 

Rated: E 

Posted: 2020-01-12

Story:Canon, missing scene, takes place the night before 6:1 Patrick dances for David.

Quick and Dirty 

Rated: E 

Posted: 2020-02-12

Story:Whiskey or whatever with Jake.

Bloom 

Rated: T 

Posted: 2020-02-15

Story:Alternate meeting/pining

You Are Gold 

Rated: E 

Posted: 2020-04-12

Story: David and Patrick meet in a canon adjacent timeline.

A One Time Thing 

Rated: E 

Posted: 2020-05-07

Story:What happens after Jake says, “Let’s all be with us.” 

My Heart is like Paper (yours is like a flame) 

Rated: E 

Posted: 2020-08-24

Story:Alternate Universe. Painter!David/Musician!Patrick 

Painter David Rose owns a warehouse in Schitt's Creek. He's trying very hard not to connect with people right now.

Business major Patrick Brewer is newly out and wants nothing more than to connect as his true self.

Stranded! 

Rated: T 

Posted: 2020-10-26

Story: Two idiots secretly crushing on one another go on a vendor run a week before their store opens. It's going to take a paranormal experience to get them to see the light. My contribution to Schitt’s Creek Trick or Treat. 

The Poem You Make Of Me 

Rated: G/E

Posted: 1-16-21  Updated in April w/ 2nd chapter called Day off/At last Rated E

Story:A soft comfort fic.

Freckles (Podfic read by Smallumbrella) 

Rated: M 

Posted: 2021-03-06

Story: Smallumbrella reads missgeevious ‘s Freckles, a sleepy, sexy short. 

Ocean and Sky 

Rated: G.

Posted: 3-23-21 

Story:A few days after David hurts Patrick’s feelings, he’s called to rescue him from the Wobbly Elm. Drunk Patrick. Set the night before Grad Night.

 BDE (Big Dick Energy) 

Rated: M 

Posted:2021-03-28

Story: Patrick wears gray sweatpants. David is flustered. 

My contribution to the very fun series My eyes are up here. 

Fever Dream 

Rated: M 

Posted: 10-23-21 

Story: David has a fever and his brain takes him to a dark place. 

He Shines 

Rated: G 

Posted: 2022-05-07 

Story: Marcy Brewer's experience of watching her son break apart, break away, and break free.

Dimples 

Rated: E

Posted: 2022-09-14 

Story: David discovers Patrick's lower back dimples on their first night together. 

The hours between 

Rated: T 

Posted: 2022-09-29 

Story: What does Patrick do before he goes to the Cafe Tropical for his surprise party? A missing scene from Meet the Parents.

Click/Snap/Whirrr 

Rated: G 

Posted: 2022-11-06 

Story: Patrick’s body is sending him signals. First with panic attacks and then with sensations that are practically audible. So he listens for it. He follows it. Just to see where it leads him.

David Rose: Style Consultant 

Rated: T 

Posted: 2023-11-07 

Story: Patrick Brewer is new. New to Schitt's creek, new to being single, new to being gay. He's trying new things. So when a certain someone’s business card catches his eye, he decides to make a call.

[onsunnyside]

Listen there is something about Jake Jensen that just makes me blush like a school girl. like the nerdy BDE just does it for me 🤤🤤 I love to see him stumble over asking his girl out for the first time or for something specific in bed 👀 he just

he radiates sweet bf vibes, but also so much potential to be a nasty daddy. true nerdy BDE !!

🌟 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

shy bf!jensen was a mess when he asked you out, he tripped over himself and split a drink but managed to stutter out: “are you—can you, will you go out with me, please?” which was the cutest thing ever, so ofc you say yes 🥹

fast forward: you’re making out on his bed, having escaped the frat party downstairs for the privacy of his nerdy and poster filled bedroom. the movie on his laptop is long forgotten, and his hands are on your hips, slowly guiding you over his clothed length. “Can we, uhm, do something before you go?”

“Sure thing, baby.” You hum, absolutely loving how shy he was. He was adorable. “You want me to ride you, daddy?”

He innocently blinks down at you, lips pink, wet and swollen, “please… but can you f-face the other way?”

“How polite,” you giggle, slowly unbuttoning your shirt, “you wanna watch my ass bounce on your big cock?”

“Yes please, baby.” Jake shudders, his gaze dropping to your chest, your breasts inches away from his heated face. Your nipples harden under your lace bra, begging for his mouth. “Been wanting this for a while, b-but didn’t know what you’d think.”

“I think it’s hot.” Maybe now he’ll finally fuck you from behind. With a final kiss to his parted lips, you move his hand to your ass, and he immediately gropes your flesh. “Don’t be shy, daddy, you know you can touch me anywhere.”