#like that over the shoulder shot if the house itself that mirrors will’s episodes even though there’s nothing to focus on

[wibble-wobbegong]

alice wtf is this

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Seahorse (Spencer Reid x Trans Male!Reader) NSFW

Summary: Spencer and Y/N have always wanted kids. Here’s the time Spencer was brave enough to broach the subject of how they would go about it. Plus a few more times after that.

AN: @imagining-in-the-margins​ came up with the idea of Spencer’s trans bf having a baby amidst man many many prompts for Spencer x male!reader to indulge my daydreaming and I ran with this prompt. 

Thank you to @writing-in-april​ for being my beta on this one! Couldn’t have done it without you, beebs <3

This is the NSFW version. If you are under the age of 18, please do not read! Here’s a SFW version of the story.

Word Count: 5.7k words 

Content Warnings: Trans man is pregnant, coming off testosterone, impregnation kink, pre-op sex, allusions to Prison!Spencer.

Masterlist // Gif Credit // SFW Version

The halls echoed with the unbridled joy of little ones calling out “Nemo” and “Dory” at the sight of the clown and surgeon fishes. Spencer bounced on the balls of his feet as he looked around the next room in search of his goal. He stopped when Y/N spared a look in his direction, away from the tank that had captured his attention for a solid five minutes.

“JJ sent me a video of a shrimp solving a Rubik’s Cube the other day.” He grinned.

Ah yes. JJ had also sent Spencer a video of little Henry swinging a mini softball bat about just like Spencer had done. For one game and one game only he had insisted, despite Y/N’s own resolve that he looked hot in the kit.

The walk through the tunnel was the slowest slog Spencer felt, but it was the only attraction in the aquarium to properly distract him. Lights above them filtered through the water, bouncing off the painted walls of the tank in a blue glow. Various species in a perfectly balanced ecosystem swam around one another without a care in the world. A particular stingray flapped its body against the glass, and three children nearby laughed at its funny shaped mouth.

“I used to sit on my mum’s shoulders when we walked through these. Touch the ceiling as if I could pet the fishes.” And Y/N’s hands stretched up over him, his eyes following a shark that slinked overhead, “When I got too old, I’d just press my nose against the glass and stare back.”

Nerves returned at the sight of a circular tank in the centre of the room holding something familiar. Seahorses curled their tails around the plants that waved together like a crowd at a concert. Little babies bobbed about the parents, translucent and wriggly.

Spencer coughed and spoke while Y/N took in the creatures, “Did you know that the seahorse is the only animal where the male carries the children?”

Suddenly his throat was dry; the words he’d been rehearsing dragged to a halt. Y/N turned to face him properly, guiding Spencer to the left as a little girl stood on tiptoe to see the seahorses as he continued to struggle.

“Well, that might not be true actually.” Spencer choked a little on his words, his voice’s volume steadily declining into a soft whisper, “I know that some human men can have babies.”

Y/N’s face clouded with doubt for a moment. Then it clicked and his face cleared, “Spencer, tell me what you’re getting at.”

Spencer twisted his hands around one another, “Have you ever thought about us having kids… biologically?” He watched Y/N’s Adam’s apple dip as he swallowed hard

“You mean like me being pregnant?”

“Yes, have you considered it an option for us?”

The conversations of other aquarium patrons were forgotten as Y/N took his gaze away from Spencer. His eyebrows were low as he considered his words carefully. Y/N always thought about the implications of what he was saying, maybe a little too much. Spencer could be biased though; his impatience did not mix well with his anxieties.

Eventually, Y/N turned back with a brave face and said, “I’d have to think about it some more.”

“Ok.” Spencer nodded, his chin wobbling a little.

There was hope though: he needed to think “some more”. Implying Y/N had thought about this before.

Near the end of their trip, Spencer did find himself in a staring contest with a little seahorse plushie with large eyes and an anatomically inaccurate tongue hanging out. In all honesty, it was kind of ugly.

“Spencer, come on. You know how I get around stuffed animals.”

How empathetic his boyfriend really was, projecting feelings of love onto the inanimate objects then making the excuse that he had to buy it now.

Spencer did have to leave the toy behind though. Out into the sunlight of the parking lot, he winced before he put his sunglasses back on.

“Park?” Y/N offered his hand and smiled. It was an olive branch, something to say that Spencer’s query had not ruined their day out together.

Spencer accepted and squeezed his hand. “Park.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Y/N had a hand on their lower belly, some space between the fingers as if there was an invisible bump there to accommodate. His head had tilted while he thumbed over the air.

As drowsy as Spencer was from work, his mind was focused without a distraction on what he had seen through the ajar bathroom door. He could barely pay attention to the Doctor Who episode Y/N put on. In fact, he doubted anything could take his attention away from the idea of having a child with-

“What do you think about me being pregnant?”

Spencer’s eyes shot wide open, then they were covered slightly by his inquisitive eyebrows in his attempt find an answer. Especially with Y/N looking on him while he waited for him.

“I think you’d be so beautiful carrying our baby. But if you wouldn’t be comfortable, then I wouldn’t make you. We still have surrogacy, fostering, adoption to consider,” was his answer. Never a lie, but the truth was always softened.

Seemingly satisfied, Y/N looked back at the episode. But Spencer couldn’t wait anymore, forgetting about anything else in the world except for this.

“What do you think, Y/N?” His body leant in towards his boyfriend’s.

Squirming in their spot on the couch, Y/N hummed before he answered, “I froze some of my eggs before I started my transition. I also sold some, for a down payment on a house or my wedding.”

Spencer’s heart thrilled at the possibilities. A house together? Matching suits at their wedding? He almost neglected to think about the fact that pregnancy was suddenly a very viable option for their future.

Regardless of Spencer’s many, many thoughts, Y/N continued, “And I thought that perhaps, if I found the right person, I would like to carry their child.” His palm opened up to him and Spencer instantly took it. “I know you’re the right person, but I’m not sure I want a baby now.”

“Of course,” Spencer lifted Y/N’s hand to his lips, “Whenever we’re both ready.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer pushed the dirty bedsheets into the washing machine; it wasn’t that big a deal. If the blood didn’t come out, then they could always buy a new set. Although they should really be saving money for decorating the nursery.

“Spenceerrrr.”

As the machine rumbled into life, Spencer returned to Y/N, curled up on the sofa with a heat pad to his gut. No amount of warnings from their doctor could have prepared Spencer for how emotionally straining it was to see his boyfriend suffering. Y/N was taking this a lot harder than Spencer – and rightfully so, it was his body that was changing.

“Why did I have to have such strong paternal instincts?” He grumbled with his eyes still closed.

Spencer let out a laugh, but it was cut off quick when Y/N whimpered loudly. He knelt down before him and cupped his face. Y/N’s cheeks were warm; his hands clung to Spencer’s wrists like a lifeline.

“What do you need?” Spencer asked softly and Y/N sighed, keening into his cooler palms.

“Can you tell me I’m handsome please?”

“You are the most handsome man in the world, and I adore you every minute of every day.” Spencer kissed Y/N’s pouting lips gently, “Handsome inside and out, I never wanna think about life without you. You just make everything in my life better.”

His fingers moved to brush away a tear that slipped down Y/N’s face and over the ridge of his nose. But he missed and it dripped onto the pillow.

“You’re doing so much for us, for our baby.”

“It’s not even real yet,” Y/N sniffled. His hands finally released Spencer and pressed the heat pad into him.

“It’s gonna be.” Spencer bumped their noses together, “We’re gonna be dads.”

A hoarse laugh met with a hint of a groan in Y/N’s chest, “Yeah. We’re gonna be dads.” That sound and those words were all Spencer needed to feel better. But he wished the same could be said for Y/N. The only thing he could provide was a promise of future relief:

“How about we order in tonight?”

“Ugh, yes.” Y/N burrowed his face into the pillow.

When their bed was made up properly, Spencer and Y/N cuddled together. Unfortunately, Y/N was restless, trying to find a comfortable position while his painkillers kicked in. Spencer kept his complaints to himself, allowing himself to be shifted around in Y/N’s hunt for relief. Honestly it was the least he could do.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“The reproductive process begins when a male and a female seahorse do daily pre-dawn dances, intertwining their tails and swimming together.”

“Well, it’s nearly nine, so definitely past dawn.”

“I’m trying to be romantic, Y/N.”

Y/N adjusted the bed sheets around his middle, “We don’t have tails either and - if I remember correctly - your last sexy swimming encounter ended poorly.”

Spencer flushed at the memory of Lila in the pool; another memory turned the pink to red. Y/N had laughed so hard his gut ached when Spencer told him about how awkward he had been around Lila. This was before the context of the case had been disclosed, promptly removing the space for any more laughter.

“Baby?”

Y/N was touching his face. Spencer’s head emptied itself of all thoughts of Lila. This was not what he wanted to be thinking about right now. Y/N’s laughter maybe, but none of the rest.

Tucking a curl behind his ear, Y/N leant in close, “If I’m ready, and you’re ready, you know what happens.” His eyes wandered down Spencer’s face, “And it’s not swimming together.”

But, just as their lips were about to touch, Y/N jerked away from him. “Wait, I gotta brush my teeth first.”

Spencer moaned with indignation while falling backwards onto the bed as Y/N disappeared from view. A few seconds later, he heard the electric toothbrush buzzing. With a burst of energy, he stripped himself down to his underwear – a petty way to get back at Y/N who had made it very clear that undressing Spencer was one of his favourite parts of their sex life.

When Y/N returned, with the minty freshness he apparently desired more than his own boyfriend, he said “What? You already did this morning?”  His eyes looked down at Spencer’s chest and his lips twitched into a pout. 

Spencer held back his grin, keeping his triumph at retaliation to himself as he said, “I wouldn’t have minded.”

“That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard, Spencer.”

And with that, Y/N crawled onto the bed, over Spencer’s body and kissed him silly.

Any remaining thoughts of sleep were dispelled as the men took turns worshipping each other’s bodies. Impatience chased them in their desires, deliciously enticing them to push the pleasure further and faster. While Y/N kissed his neck, Spencer’s thoughts fixated on how perfect his boyfriend felt pressed up next to him. He couldn’t wait anymore, he just had to get inside him.

“Let me put a baby in you, Y/N.”

A whine passed through Y/N’s lips at his words as he adjusted his grasp on Spencer’s body, a hand in his hair to pull him back in.

“Do it.” He whispered into the space between them, “Please.”

As quick as they appeared, the insecurities Spencer and Y/N were holding released. Their moans harmonised when Spencer finally pushed into Y/N. His legs wrapping around his skinny waist, luring him in. Spencer was enraptured by the feeling of his boyfriend’s weight against him. God, he wanted to go slow, appreciate Y/N for all he was worth. But his greed got the better of his intentions, eating up all of Y/N’s encouragements – both the words and the noises snatched from his throat.

When they were both spent, Spencer and Y/N sagged into the mattress, wrapped up in each other and the covers. The burning warmth of their bodies drew up two soporific smiles on their faces.

“You know, a seahorses’ body shape means that they’re inept swimmers, and they can actually die of exhaustion.”

Y/N poked Spencer’s sternum. “Is that your way of makin’ fun of my stamina? Give me a few minutes; I’ll be on you like a rash.”

Grinning at such a prospect, Spence continued, “They also mate for life monogamously.”

He felt two fingers touch his cheek, "Spencer, I love you and your endless fountain of knowledge.” Y/N paused to peck the corner of his lips, “But I’m not actually a seahorse. And, though I do plan to mate with you for life, if you wake me up before the sun is above the horizon for a ‘dance’, I'm gonna suffocate you with my new body pillow.”

“Oh, you got your pillow?”

“It’s en route.” Hence why Y/N was content to use Spencer in lieu of said pillow.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

When Spencer disclosed to Hotch that he would need some time off because he and Y/N were considering having a kid, first thing on a Monday morning, Hotch didn’t let anything on. There was a hint of a hint of a smile though. His eye wandered to the school photo of Jack he kept on his desk, and he was greeted with the memory that Jack almost shared a name with Emily’s cat.

Naturally, Rossi found out next. Technophobe Spencer Reid had left his computer screen on a website for baby blankets, and Rossi had been the one to pass by first. After turning the monitor off, Rossi took Spencer aside in the break room and spoke about how wonderful it was that he was going to be a father. Then he kissed both his cheeks, leaving with misty eyes and a smile that he wouldn’t explain to Penelope passing by. Spencer blinked then finished making his coffee.

The next conference room meeting – the same day and just for an update on the paperwork deadline - Spencer simply decided to drop the information that he and Y/N were planning on having a kid as if it was his thoughts on their next unsub’s motivations were.

Three seconds of silence later and an uproar exploded.

From then on, the week was filled with pokes and ribbing at his upcoming parenthood. A peek into the future.

After making her a cup of coffee, Spencer sat opposite JJ at her desk and asked for advice. Her response: offering Spencer the opportunity to babysit Henry more. Obviously he accepted; more time with his godson was always a good thing. Then she went into how parenting was just a natural thing that he would know when the time came. Not very reassuring on its own, but with his best friend’s support, Spencer felt a smidgen better.

Penelope admitted that she had saved outfit ideas on Pinterest for Spencer – among other members of the BAU. When Spencer dared to enter her lair, she showed him several. Apparently that wasn’t even a dent in her collection, and she had already placed an order on a little bow tie. Spencer left before she tried to organise a shopping trip; neither Spencer nor Y/N were really fans of retail therapy.

Derek was teasing away, “Spencer and Y/N are gonna be baby daddies.” And every single time, Emily would join in. She liked to claim she was the reason Spencer was having a kid, reminding him of when JJ was pregnant. He had been incredibly weirded out by the baby kicking, but Emily had asked if he had considered having “baby geniuses” and he never gave an answer.

To be fair, Spencer never could have seen this coming. That made it all the better.

Apart from when Derek began supplying a realm of baby names, that varied from “oh that’s actually cute” to “oh my god, why would you even consider that a name for a real child?” Spencer was happy to rank them aloud for him.

The cat was only half out of the bag though.

Now Spencer had always been affectionate when he and Y/N were together. But the second it spilled into their public lifestyle, Y/N knew something was afoot. He was quick to pick up on this when he went to collect Spencer up for a chilled date night and Spencer kissed his cheek in clear view of the entire bullpen.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t wait, but I do have my paternity leave arranged!”

The team swarmed to deliver their congratulations. And it was then that they revealed that they all thought that Spencer and Y/N were planning to adopt or look for a surrogate. Their embraces didn’t spoil the unexpected second part of their announcement; Y/N looked like he’d simply put on a few pounds rather than gained a baby bump beneath his button-up. Naturally, there was even more of a hubbub than before when they discovered that Y/N was already pregnant.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“Spencer, baby, you gotta calm it with the ocean theme.”

“But…” he pouted, holding up the finished mobile. Brightly painted sea creatures and chunks of coral dangled delicately in a circle. Sure enough, there were orange seahorses hovering about their habitat.

“It’s very sweet and I adore you for it,” Y/N kissed Spencer. “Not everything has to be related to seahorses though.”

“I guess not.” Spencer’s defeated tone did not last long. His face brightened and he whipped a blanket adorned with little seahorses and bubbles at the edges out of the cot. “But - this online store was taking commissions, and you always say support small businesses!”

Thank god Y/N had been the one in charge of painting the walls. An underwater mural would have been a step too far.

“You, Doctor Spencer Reid, are so…” Y/N’s hands were up in the air between them, searching for an adjective to describe Spencer appropriately. Then he settled those hands on his shoulders and Y/N kissed him.

When they drew away, Spencer spoke, “I’m so what?”

Y/N shrugged, “Just so.” He kissed him again, lingering longer than before and smiling as Spencer’s hands touched the obtrusive roundness of his belly that pressed into Spencer’s stomach. They were so close to meeting their little bubba.

“So are you.”

“Ok, don’t have a go, I bought this before the ban,” Y/N held out a gift, wrapped in sea-green tissue paper and bearing a blue bow.

Folding the blanket neatly over the bars of the cot, Spencer eagerly yet daintily unwrapped the present. As the tissue paper fell to the carpet, his hands trembled.  Eyes shining, he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the latest scan that was framed by tiny seahorses to thank Y/N.

There was more still, as Y/N explained, “There’s another behind there. I’ve seen the state of the one in your wallet.”

“It got caught at the bottom of the pouch,” Spencer said quietly, unbending the catch on the back of the frame. Sure enough, two of the same photographs spilled into his waiting palm. Truth be told, Spencer had already taped his torn photo together again and it was going to stay in his wallet. This spare would be in the post soon, on its way over to his mother. God, she was so excited to hold a baby again. The photo album would have to do for now.

“Could you maybe recant the ocean ban? Because I saw this and I knew it would really go well with the blanket and the mobile.”

Sighing, Y/N’s head tilted back, “What is it?”

The pretence of annoyance couldn’t be maintained towards Spencer’s face beaming back at him as he held up a wonky looking seahorse plushie. It wasn’t the same one he’d seen before. Some heartfelt child had taken pity on that one and given it a forever home. No, this was a perfect little present for his bubba.

Y/N thought so too as he let a grin settle onto his face.

“Ok, we can keep this one. But no more from now, alright?”

“I suppose. Besides, our baby isn’t our seahorse. You are!”

“You better not buy us a fish tank for my birthday.” A spike of nerves hit Y/N when he couldn’t quite catch Spencer’s eye to confirm his word. “Spencer? Promise me... Spencer!”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“How are you feeling, Baby Daddy?” Derek hugged Y/N who was reclined in his bed. His body pillow propped him up for his visitors.

Y/N wrinkled his nose, “For once, I wish I was a real seahorse and I could have just sneezed her out.”

Katia Nikola Reid definitely looked like she’d been sneezed on when she first entered the world, screaming her teaspoon-sized lungs out. Named after a hero of both Y/N and Spencer, one day old, bundled in a blanket, she scowled at Spencer’s dopey face looming over her while Emily held her tight.

A hoard of presents huddled in the corner of Spencer and Y/N’s bedroom. Emily thought it’d be a great idea to bring the baby an Ikea shark that was bigger than the child – and would definitely take up around half of her cot.

“She’s already got him wrapped around her pinky finger.”

“Yes, she does,” Spencer agreed giddily.

Next, Derek took her in his arms, untucking her arms from the blanket swaddle to give her a fist bump. He swayed her about the room while Katia relaxed a little more. The deep humming in his chest soothed the wrinkles on her forehead. Katia stretched as if to touch his face, and her mouth gaped at him.

“Aww, baby genius is ready for a nap.” Derek yawned too, “Who’s gonna micromanage me while I put her down?”

“Me! Me!” Y/N said, his enthusiasm muted by tiredness. Spencer leapt to his side, helping him out of bed, his teammates watching fondly as he did so. Y/N was allowed out the room first, Derek close behind and clicking his tongue at little Katia.

“She’s so sweet,” Emily said, her eyes on the pair’s backs and the dangling loose blanket from under Derek’s left arm. “I’m so happy for you both.” And she hugged Spencer tight; Emily always gave such good hugs. Good thing she was going to be around to give plenty to his daughter.

Then, down the hall, he heard Derek say with sarcastic resignation, “Oh Spencer, I thought Y/N was kidding when he said no more seahorse themed items.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Y/N ended up climbing into the bathtub with Katia. Even as she had grown into her chubby features, looking more and more like him and Spencer with each passing day, she was still so small.

Sitting up with her in his lap to help her out, Y/N lowered her into the warm water. His fingers tenderly rubbed the blackcurrant scented soap on her tummy, copying her expression as her tongue poked out between her gums. Her jerking legs rejected the water that Y/N’s hands cupped to rinse the bubbles off.

“Oh!” Y/N said in surprise as Katia sneezed, “Bless you.”

He heard the front door go, but he let Spencer follow the clues to their bathroom. Sure enough, the Doctor soon entered with his jacket shed, already rolling his sleeves up as he dropped onto the bathmat. A hand curled at Y/N’s chin as he kissed him before it stroked over the damp wisps of hair on Katia’s head.

“Hello. Hi.” His voice was that bit more delicate as he caught Katia’s eye and welcomed her big gappy smile.

Y/N tilted his head towards Spencer. “Good first day back?”

“I missed you both.” Spencer swished the water around by Katia’s side, “Isn’t it incredible how she’s experiencing all of this for the first time?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Spencer giggled away as the surrounding bathwater yellowed and Katia flapped her arms.

“Mind your language.” He said without any weight to his warning, “Our little girl can’t help it.” Then he stood and prepared her towel, a deep-sea blue that brought out her eyes. “Can I feed her tonight?”

“Of course, baby,” Y/N agreed as he lifted Katia out of the tub, where Spencer caught her and bundled her up with skilled speed. As he dried her off, Katia cooed away to herself. She did get a little pissed off when he dressed her up in a clean nappy and a sleepsuit, but Spencer couldn’t take her crumpled expression seriously without the tears.

The rocking chair had to be one of his best investments for his daughter’s room. It soothed Katia from the darkest of tantrums, a familiarity that swayed her. She fit so perfectly into Spencer’s arms and he fit so contentedly into the seat. Her eyelashes fluttered slowly shut as she drank more milk.

Not quite strong enough to sit up on her own, Katia leant fully into Spencer’s hand while he burped her – thankfully not for long. Then it was off into her cot.

Y/N watched him from the doorway as Spencer stroked the apple of Katia’s cheek while she drifted off into slumber. An effortless smile danced on his lips even as he switched the lamp off and welcomed Y/N over to see their sleeping babe.

“Love seeing you with her, Old Daddy Spencer teaching her everything she’ll need to know.” The kiss that followed was certainly not appropriate for their daughter’s nursery, so he took Y/N by the hand, leading him into the hallway. Even then, between the short pecks that pressed against his lips, Y/N continued to talk, “Is this how you felt while I was pregnant?”

Breath hot against his face, Spencer swallowed hard while Y/N said, “Seeing my handsome boyfriend carrying our child? I think I get it now.”

His hand slipped up Spencer’s shirt. It was crystal clear what his intentions were. Spencer was already close to panting when he pulled Y/N flush against him. With more desperation this time, they fumbled around their home until they made it to their bed. Spencer’s hands aligned with the stretch marks on Y/N’s thighs as he grabbed them and pulled him on top.

He huffed as Y/N’s teeth tugged and released his bottom lip, “We have to be quiet.”

“I can be quiet.” Y/N ripped off his shirt in one smooth movement, “Can you?”

Spencer couldn’t give an answer. Instead he pulled Y/N back against him as they fell onto their sheets.

Their first time in months, it didn’t last very long, but it was exactly what they needed.

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 The biggest surprise of the evening was that Rossi put down his drink to hold Katia. To be fair though, he had already had a few. Hence why he was singing and dancing around the garden with Katia in his arms. What a sight to behold, it eased the pain of Derek and Hotch’s absence, their own kids to take care of now.

Eventually Rossi relented, allowing Penelope to take Katia, turning to Y/N who had kept a watchful eye on his actions, “Promise me you’ll bring her over when she’s allowed to eat food.”

“I can’t give her your food for her first taste. She’ll be disappointed for the rest of her life,” Y/N joked, Rossi letting out a boisterous laugh that made Katia giggle in turn.

Penelope got to hold Katia next and show her off to Henry who was very intrigued to learn more about his godsister – Spencer told him that was who Katia was and it stuck. Henry became Penelope’s little shadow until they found a seat for him and a cushion for his lap to hold the baby. His joy unbridled at such a responsibility was adorable. He posed for many photos, while Katia for once stayed quiet.

Spencer was tired but the best kind of tired. A night in with friends, watching his boyfriend and his daughter be welcomed as much as he was, it wasn’t a surprise but it was always a delight. And this moment right now, Y/N cradling Katia’s with one hand squeezing her little foot before he planned to take her into Rossi’s office? What a life they had cultivated together. As he sipped his drink, the bliss in his tummy was not doused by it.

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Slouching on the sofa, Spencer watched with tired eyes as Katia stumbled in the room, her hands held in Y/N’s while she waddled between his legs. Her round face lit up at the sight of Spencer. Her pace increased beyond her abilities and Katia swung forward a little as she almost fell over.

“Oh dear,” Y/N cooed while Katia got back to her unstable feet. “That’s it, there we go.”

Spencer wished he had the energy to properly appreciate this moment, especially since both his boyfriend and their daughter were grinning like they shared a secret.

Katia dropped down onto her nappy-cushioned bottom then began to crawl over to Spencer’s feet. His hands, although dirty, rough and near ruined, accepted her offer and lifted Katia up into his lap. They stayed for safety around her middle, keeping her sat up straight as she looked on him with those big eyes. Eyes that were fresh and untainted copies of his own.

Y/N sat down beside Spencer, leaning in close to Katia so he caught her attention, “Hey, why don’t you show your Daddy what we’ve been practicing?”

Looking away from both her Dads, Katia drooled and pushed her fist in her mouth. Y/N waved until he and Spencer were back into her line of sight.

“Go on, sugar plum.” He pointed to Spencer, “Who’s that?” And he mouthed the answer to her.

“Dadadadadada.”

It was barely above a whisper. But her little grin, the top of a tooth poking out of the centre of her bottom gums, the way Katia looked at Spencer when she said it? A soft “oh” fell from Spencer’s lips and he clutched her close, her chubby arms barely reaching around his neck. His breath shaking out of him, he kissed the thick thatch of hair that had sprouted in his absence. He could feel Katia whispering “Dadadadada!” again.

“That’s me, Katia, I’m your Dada.” He sniffed back the sting in his eyes at the absolute proof that, in his time away from her, she had remembered him. When he moved away, placing Katia back into his lap, he closed his eyes as Katia’s scrabbling fingers rubbed across the tip of his nose.

Katia made a sudden attempt to stand, throwing her entire bodyweight towards Spencer. Spencer’s breath was snatched from his lungs and the tension remained even after he caught her with ease.

“You ok?” Y/N said and Spencer noticed that his hand was supporting his against Katia.

Spencer nodded weakly, “Hmm, you?”

“Better now.” Y/N let his hand go and began rubbing Spencer’s back in the same circular motions that Spencer rubbed Katia’s.

A tug snagged Spencer’s head to the left and he tutted as Katia grabbed at his cheek, “Ow, Katia, no.”

Instead, Katia took a fistful of the next thing she could find, which was Spencer’s hair, and she cried out an identical (if higher pitched) “Ow!”

“You hurt Spencer, not the other way around, Katia. Stop faking.” Y/N scolded playfully.

But Katia repeated Spencer’s outburst again, “Ow!”

Y/N lifted Katia’s little fist from Spencer’s hair, and it immediately clamped down on Spencer’s finger as an alternative to wave about.

Spencer kissed her hand, still so tiny and forgiving against his. He looked at Y/N, blinking fast as he half-heartedly said, “She’s so like you.”

The lock of hair Katia had yanked on curved around Y/N’s touch as he put it back into the disarray of fluff that stood around Spencer’s head, “That’s funny, because I think she’s so like you.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Tilting the pram onto its back wheels, Spencer pushed it up the step and into the aquarium tunnel. Katia lay back in her seat while gumming on her blanket corner. Her eyes were ready to take in the sights.

Y/N knelt before her, suffering a few kicks to his knees from Katia’s excitement. Her pram clips were undone. Little Katia was released into her Daddy’s arms then plonked up onto his shoulders. Her starfish-like hands pressed up against the glass. Her mouth became as wide as her eyes as she pointed at the stingray rippling past. She had seen fish before (Carl and Rosalind at home) but never like this.

“Yeah, that’s a ray, Katia,” Y/N rubbed his fingers over her back, his hands still to keep her steady.

Spencer pointed his finger right next to hers, “They use their electro-sensors, not their eyes, to find their meals which consists of shrimps, clams, and -”

Katia shrieked – interrupting his and she smacked her hands against the glass. No one seemed to mind though. Some patrons in the tunnel even chuckled at her behaviour. Like she needed any more encouragement, especially with Y/N grinning up at her and tickling her sides to elicit more laughter from his daughter.

When Spencer’s hand dropped, Katia shouted again. A little confused, he returned it and Katia took his finger in her hand then began dragging the tip across where the ray was.

“She wants it as a pet, what do you say, baby?”

“I thought you said not to get you any fish for your birthday.”

Eventually Katia was returned to the pram. Her head was thrown back to watch the rest of the tunnel go by. Then she hid her face in her blankie once they were out in the last few exhibits. There was a little tug of war to get her to let it go (she was a lot stronger than Y/N gave her credit for) and see the one other exhibit that both parents were invested in.

Taking her hand again, Spencer squatted beside the pram. “Hey look, the men seahorsies have the babies. They’re just like your Daddy.”

“Your favourite Daddy,” Y/N ruffled Spencer’s hair while Spencer pretended to be outraged. Katia caught onto the dramatic expression Spencer was wearing and copied him with a gasp added for good measure.

“What d’you reckon, any of these were babies when we went to visit last time?”

“Well, Y/N, the lifespan of these seahorses is approximately a year. So they could be.” He knew it was unlikely but, for the sake of the smiles on Y/N’s and Katia’s face, Spencer let it be.

[starring-movies]

The Haunting of Bly Manor: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Episode 3 - The Two Faces, Part One

Episode 3 begins by starting to help us to fill in the backstory of who Peter Quint and Rebecca Jessel were. The episode starts one year ago and we’re first introduced to Peter as he stares at his reflection in the window of an expensive men’s clothing shop, Kensington Tailors, where he is picking up a shirt for his boss, Henry Wingrave. From this very first shot of Peter, it’s immediately established that he’s ambitious (as he’s imagining himself in Henry’s position, wearing suits from the expensive shop that Henry gets his clothes from), but also that he’s narcissistic.

The song ‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell plays during this scene. The lyrics that we here are:

“Sometimes I feel I’ve got to,

Run away I’ve got to,

Get away,

From the pain you drive into the heart of me,

The love we share,

Seems to go nowhere,

And I’ve lost my light,

For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night,

Once I ran to you (I ran),

Now, I’ll run from you,

This tainted love you’ve given,

I give you all a boy could give you,

Take my tears and that’s not nearly all,

Tainted love”

The lyrics of the song that we hear foreshadows Peter and Rebecca’s sad and toxic relationship that will come. “Tainted love” is definitely an appropriate phrase to describe Peter and Rebecca’s relationship. Where Rebecca once “ran to [Peter]”, she now wants to “run from [him]” after he betrayed her trust - Peter drowned Rebecca and so now she can’t escape and just like the singer of the song she is suffering from “the pain you drive into the heart of me”.

When we’re first introduced to Rebecca we see her looking at her reflection in a compact mirror, as she waits in Henry’s waiting room to have her interview for the au pair job. Through this first shot of Rebecca we can see that her beauty is important to her and that she wants to make a good impression. This makes Peter’s killing of her even more tragic as she holds her beauty as important to her, so he did not only take her life from her but also her body.

While driving up to the manor, as the car drives down the drive, in the foreground of the shot we see a white rose with thorns on it. This rose alludes to Peter and Rebecca’s relationship, just as the song ‘Tainted Love’ did. On the outside their love looks like it will be beautiful and pure, but it will also cause pain. In a similar vein, the rose also portrays Peter as a character - beautiful on the outside but someone who will hurt you if you get too close.

On her arrival at Bly Manor, Rebecca tells Flora and Miles that she’s not “practically perfect” like their “very own Mary Poppins”, but rather that she is “perfectly splendid”. From this we learn that the reason why Flora was describing everything as being “perfectly splendid” in Episode 1 (and subsequently), is because of this first meeting with Rebecca.

Flora’s use of the phrase shows us how much she loved Rebecca and how much of an impact Rebecca had on her as a new mother figure of sorts. This is one of the things that makes Rebecca’s death so sad, because Flora had such a bond with her new motherly figure and she was the unfortunate one who first found Rebecca dead in the lake - so by using the phrase that Rebecca used, Flora is able to keep a bit of her with her all the time.

A small detail to notice; is that the lighter that Peter uses and lets Miles play with, is the lighter that Luke, also played by Oliver Jackson-Cohen, uses in The Haunting of Hill House.

After bringing the flowers for Flora/Rebecca, Peter explains to Miles that you have to find out which ‘key’ (thing to please a person) is the right fit, in order to open the door to them. This is not only the explanation for why Miles said that he was trying to find Father Stack’s ‘key’ in episode 2, but it is also a reference to the theme of keys in The Haunting of Hill House.

In Hill House the members of the family were trying to look for the right key to open the door to The Red Room, but it is later revealed that the individual themself is the key to the door, and that the room puts on different ‘faces’ to placate its current inhabitant. In the same way as The Red Room, Peter employs different tactics (flowers for Rebecca; alcohol, flattery and money for Henry Wingrave) in order to win favour from them and he consumes Rebecca just like how The Red Room was slowly consuming whoever was inhabiting it.

While Owen, Hannah, Jamie, Dani and the children are staying up in case Peter returns, Dani and Jamie have a conversation about possession and love. Jamie begins the conversation by again ‘testing the water’ with Dani, as she asks her if she wished that she was curled up with Owen instead of Hannah. In Episode 2 Jamie questioned Owen to find out if he was interested in Dani (which he wasn’t); and now Jamie is similarly trying to find out if Dani has any interest in Owen. Jamie presumably does this because if she finds out that Dani is interested in Owen, then she thinks that she will have no chance of pursuing her and might as well give up before she even tries.

The conversation moves on to “love and possession” and Dani tells Jamie “I don’t think that should be possible. I mean, they’re opposites really, love and ownership”. This one little thing that Dani says to Jamie foreshadows the fate of their relationship. When Dani and Jamie leave Bly Manor to go and live in Vermont and start a proper relationship together, they both started the relationship knowing that they were never a possession belonging to the other. Since The Lady of the Lake took some possession of Dani, her and Jamie always knew that they were on borrowed time and whether they wanted to admit it or not, that they’d have to let each other go at some point.

In Episode 9 when Jamie goes back to Bly and finds Dani’s body in the lake, she even invites Dani into her and begs for her to “take me with you”. However, Older Jamie says that “Dani wouldn’t, Dani would never”, because Dani knows the difference between love and possession and she could never allow Jamie to invite her in because that’s not love.

This also strikes a stark contrast between Dani and Peter’s love. Dani’s love with JAmie was a real and pure love, as she wouldn’t allow Jamie to be possessed by her. However Peter’s love with Rebecca was a possessive love, as he abused the trust that Rebecca gave him and drowned her body so that she would also become a ghost and be with him.

Hannah then wakes up and says that the children really ought to be in bed, and when Miles wakes up he says that he “had a bad dream” where he “hurt” Hannah. This “bad dream” isn’t a dream but it’s Miles vaguely remembering Peter pushing Hannah down the well, when Peter was in possession over Miles’ body. This tells us that the owner of the body does have some partial recollection of what the possessor was doing with their body.

When Dani goes to bed, the severed hand that she sees on her bed after spotting Eddie’s glasses on her bedside table is not just any hand, but it’s Eddie’s (we can see it’s his hand from the watch and blood we see on his hand in Episode 4). Eddie’s severed hand is also an indication that Dani’s feelings towards Jamie are getting stronger, because as her feelings for Jamie get stronger, so does her guilt over Eddie’s death and coming to terms with her sexuality.

When Dani comes downstairs the next morning, we get a shot of her watching over Jamie as realises that stayed on the sofa in the manor for the night. If we view Dani’s hand on Jamie’s shoulder (at the very end of Episode 9) as Dani watching over Jamie in some sort of way, then this moment is another sweet (but sad) foreshadowing of the quiet and caring watchfulness that Dani will give Jamie for the rest of her life.

Back in the past timeline, Flora gifts Rebecca the doll that she said she would make for her. Rebecca had previously told Flora that “I like all the colours” and so Flora said that she’d make her a doll with “all the colours”. When giving Rebecca the doll, Flora tells Rebecca that “Miles says that if you mix all the colours in the world together, you get black”. It may be a stretch, but as the dolls have a very intertwined relationship with the people they are made for, this might be a forewarning of Rebecca’s own fate.

Before coming to Bly, Rebecca had everything going for her and her future was incredibly bright, just as Hannah says in Episode 4, “she was brilliant, she was beautiful”. However, after meeting Peter Quint, her future becomes dark after he ruins any chance at a good future that she once had after he drowns her. So, in the same way as “you get black” from mixing all the vibrant colours in the world, Rebecca’s future also becomes black when she once had such a bright future.

Retuning to the present, Miles and Flora gather everyone to come and watch their ‘story time’, which Owen tells Dani is “like therapy for them” and to make sure Flora (and presumably Miles also) has “processed whatever she’s been chewing on”. Miles tells the story of a puppet named Poppet, who we can assume from the story itself and Miles’ costume/makeup, is a pseudonym for Miles himself.

In the story, Miles tells his audience how Poppet’s creator, Claude (who we can assume is Peter), got angry at the puppet for forgetting who his maker was and forgetting that he had strings. This could be Miles processing Peter’s controlling nature as the ‘puppet master’ over Miles, who “pulled on their strings” (takes control of Miles’ body) whenever he pleases, which “hurt[s]” him.

Finally, the episode ends with Owen and Jamie going home after Owen’s neighbour, Mr McQueeny, rings to tell him that his mother has died. Dani walks Jamie to her car and tells her that she’s “so glad you stayed”, a small compliment as a way for her to ease-in to try to tell Jamie how she feels about her. But Dani telling Jamie that she’s “so glad” is only an insignificant drop in the ocean of the emotions that she’s feeling.

Finding that her words aren’t a sufficient enough way for her to articulate her feelings, without a word Dani tentatively reaches out to hold Jamie’s hand, breaking the physical barrier between them which has not yet been broken - and more than likely a barrier that Dani hasn’t ventured to cross with anyone since Eddie’s, never mind doing so for the first time of her acting on her sexuality. With only a simple touch and a heartfelt look, Dani is able to convey more of her feelings than she ever would have if she’d tried to use words to explain how she felt.

After Jamie leaves, Dani sees Eddie’s spectre once again. Except for perhaps the severed hand, which isn’t quite the same as the spectre, the spectre of Eddie that we see in this scene is the most aggressive vision of Dani’s Eddie-related-guilt that we’ve seen.

Firstly, Eddie’s spectre is standing right in front of Dani, confronting her directly, whereas previously Dani had only seen him in the reflections of mirrors or windows - usually she can try to reduce seeing the spectre by covering up mirror, but now he’s apppearing right in front of her, unavoidable and inescapable.

Secondly, the spectre is violently pulled back towards the manor, again this is the first time that we’ve ever seen Eddie’s spectre move - when we see his image in any reflections, he is always standing still.

Thirdly, Dani actually gives out a loud scream at seeing Eddie spectre. She often does give a shocked gasp or a small yelp when she sees him but she has never screamed like this, so we can see that she is even more shocked than usual by his appearance.

The aggressiveness of Eddie’s spectre, the difference in the way that he appears to Dani and the fact that he appears after she has just taken a leap and outwardly showed her romantic interest in Jamie - which is likely to be the first time that she’s ever acted on her sexuality, except for when she broke off her engagement which didn’t end well - confirms to us that his appearances have been related to the guilt over his death and the shame that she feels about her sexuality, which she believes is what led to his death.

You can read my previous The Haunting of Bly Manor posts here:-

Episode 1 - The Great Good Place

Episode 2 - The Pupil

Episode 4 - The Way It Came

Episode 5 - The Altar of the Dead

Episode 6 - The Jolly Corner

——————————————————————————

[omnyamaflowerz]

Help 9

Warnings: dub-con, smut, A/B/O dynamics. Read at your own risk

check the masterlist for more parts to this series and other risks.

Jana gasped as Florian entered her from behind. He cursed behind her as he kept a tight grip on her hips, practically bruising her. She sniffed as Florian gave her every inch of him. The stretch felt so good. She moaned as she kept on her hands and knees. Even though she told herself to try and fight it happening again, she couldn’t. She was too wrapped up in it now. Every day was a struggle. She kept submitting to him. Over and over. And more and more, she didn’t care anymore.

Through her heat, Jana couldn’t keep away from Florian. She’d smell him and fall apart all over again. And likewise, Florian would be sent into a rut each time. They were like any other paired Alpha and Omega during a heat. Bringing relief to each other. For the past three days, they had been held up in the house doing little else, but having sex and small mundane things in between. Jana thought her heat would be ending soon, but she forgot about time whenever Florian fucked her.

Being with him or more so underneath him made everything melt away. His touch, she once shunned, became a cure. Her body craved him. Their bond growing stronger. The bite on her shoulder ached. Jana’s body hummed for him. She felt helpless and she started to enjoy that. Letting him have control. Letting him feel her. Letting him have her. Jana would get these flares from her heat and Florian would become the only thing that she saw. The only thing she could think about.

Florian thrusted into Jana. He was still careful to not hurt her as she was still getting used to him. Jana clenched around him, the sheets wrinkled in her fists. “Florian!” Jana moaned.

Florian grunted as he pumped into Jana. Jana threw her head back as she whined. Florian was hitting the spongy parts of her that made everything feel so much better. Pleasure flowed through her waves. One rolling cascade after the other. Her arousal coated Florian’s member, making it easy for him to slip in and out of her. In her heightened state, the sensation was almost too much. She began to pull away from Florian.

Florian watched her attempt to crawl away, only to snap her back into him. Jana let out a screech as Florian fucked into her. “Don’t run.”

Jana gave an incoherent response. She buried her face in the sheets as her toes curled. Florian leaned over her, letting his weight trap her. “Fuck!” She cried.

Florian huffed in her ear. Her moans were a drive to give her what she had been needing. Jana cried as her orgasm neared. Her body begged for this. The pressure in her core tightening. She wanted Florian to fill again and again. Even if she wasn’t going to be pregnant after this, Jana’s body called for his seed. 

Florian leaned in, licking the mark on her shoulder. The feel of his tongue quelling her, slightly. Though, she squirmed as she felt her orgasm welling up inside her even more. Tears ran down her face as she felt ready to come undone. This orgasm just as intense as all the over she had experienced over the past few days. Florian’s rhythm became uncoordinated. He felt his load rising and was ready to let loose. 

Jana screamed as she tried to pull herself forward as she came. Florian followed her as he shot into her. Thick ropes of cum plastering her walls. Jana’s walls contracted, sucking up every drop of him. Florian lifted off of Jana let himself and her breath. 

They both were coated in sweat. The comforter was ruffled and stained. Pillows had fallen from the bed. The sheets pulled and bunched at the head of the bed where they began but, couldn’t stay. The bed itself had moved off the wall and was now crooked and no longer centered. 

Jana laid disheveled and some sense coming together. She rolled on her side to look up at Florian. He knew what she needed without her even saying it. It had almost seemed like a ritual for the past few days. He picked up her and take her to the shower. A calming shower would be the last bit of relief before she’d need him again.

Jana held the towel to her as she glared in the mirror. The bite was something that would forever call her attention. The one permanent mark. She dropped the towel. Hickies and nips left along her chest and shoulders. There were bruises on her hips from Florian’s hands. Scratches decorated her back. She rubbed one small scratch going across her collar bone. For some reason, she felt pleasure. Bliss, even. The marks were from her Alpha. Temporary, but still symbols that only he would be able to do this for her. 

The old Jana was beginning to lay dormant. Each time they laid together, there was less resistance. She should be disgusted with herself. She hardly put up a fight this time. When he pinned her to the bed, she simply whimpered. The kisses started to be returned. This was the first time she didn’t try to run or resist.

Jana snapped back to reality. She didn’t want another episode again. She quickly put on clothes and sat in front of the oscillating fan Florian put in the closet for her to keep her cool when she got too warm during the past few days.

Later, they retreated to the couch for movies and pizza. Jana had her head in Florian’s lap as she laid across the couch. Florian played with her ends. Jana moaned as his fingertips massaged her scalp. He smiled down at her and turned back to the tv. They were watching some action thriller, but a scene came on with the main character's family. They both watched it with different things going through their heads.

Florian thought about how he was so excited to become a father. The thought of Jana’s stomach swollen with his children almost made him hard again. He knew he would be a good dad one day. As long as he was patient for just a bit longer, Florian would have his wish.

Jana, on the other hand, thought about how her family had discarded her. She didn’t really know love. The love of a few friends, sure. But the love that unwavering? Unconditional? Not really. She wasn’t a sentimental person. However, it hurt when her own family saw her as an outcast. Jana knew she wasn’t unlovable, but she just couldn’t get it where she was supposed to.

Florian looked down and could tell by Jana’s eyes that she had withdrawn and was deep in thought. “Arjana? Are you okay?” he said.

She nodded against him. “Yeah.” she said. Jana shifted and looked back up at him. Her eyes were soft and his were almost sympathetic. Like he knew what she was thinking about. She had been with him for a long time now and only him. Florian believed at this stage he could trust her. Either way, this could be a test for her as well now that they were bonded.

Florian paused the movie and tapped Jana, signaling her to sit up. “Wait here.” Jana watched him leave the living room and come back with a familiar object in her hand. Her phone. Why did he still have it? He sat back down on the couch with her. He put an arm around her as unlocked her phone.

“I know you might be missing your family. Believe me, I would have liked not to keep you out of contact with them. I just needed to be able to trust you. We’re in a good place now so…” Florian said, handing you your phone. “Call them. They’ve texted you a few times so, I’m sure they would want to hear from you.”

Jana took her phone and looked out. The last conversation she had with her parents face to face was them telling her she was being cut off. The last phone conversation was very short before they were to take a trip. She wasn’t sure how she was going to be received.

“What do I say?” she said. 

“Just talk to them. Tell them you’re alright.” Florian said. She looked up at him. He wasn’t glaring at her, daring her to alert whoever she called that she had been taken captive. He was studying her though. 

Jana pulled up her contacts list and scrolled to the house phone to her parents. She tried to contemplate, but with Florian right in front of her, there would be no way she could alert anyone she called that she was less than alright. But the Omega in her told her why would she? They were mated now and things were different. She was about to hit call when Florian spoke. “Put it on speaker.” he said. Jana hit the call button and put the phone on speaker as instructed. The phone rang 4 times before it picked up.

“Hello?” her mother said.

“Hey, mom.” Jana said, almost excited to hear her mom’s voice.

“Whose on the phone?” she heard her dad say in the background.

“Jana’s called.” her mom said. She could hear the phone being moved and placed somewhere. 

“Dad?” Jana said.

“We’re surprised you called.” her mother said.

“You must need money.” her dad said, abruptly.

Jana tried not to scoff. “No. I was just calling to check in.” she said. “We hadn’t talked in a while.”

“Are you keeping up that apartment?” her dad asked. “That gym job is working out for you?”

Jana looked up at Florian. He nodded to her and mouthed, “Tell them.”

“Yeah, um...Actually, I had to move out of there. Found someplace better.” Jana said.

“You must mean cheaper. I figured you wouldn’t be able to afford it after a while.” her dad said.

“No, that wasn’t it.” Jana said, almost as if she was frustrated.

“Do you at least like where you are now?” her mom asked.

“Yeah. It’s nice.” Jana said, looking up at Florian.

“Hmm. Sure, it is.” her dad said almost with a chuckle in his voice. “And your suppressants? Still taking them?”

Jana bit her lip and looked up at Florian again. He glared back at her. He motioned toward the phone beckoning her to give them a response. “Um...yes. But I’ve meant someone.” Florian leaned in a bit as a precaution. 

“Someone to take you off our hands, hopefully. Maybe, now you can get off your meds. Finally, be with someone else.” her dad said. Florian was taken aback by the statement. Jana’s eyebrows furrowed as she kept the phone in her hand.

“Do you have to be so dismissive of me?” Jana asked. “I meet one person and you immediately want to say good riddance. Am I not your daughter?”

“You are an Omega. As an Omega, you naturally must find an Alpha or they will find you. It’s the natural order. You live to be mated and bound to someone. That’s it.” her dad said. 

“Plus, things are just easier that way, honey.” Jana’s mom said.

And there it was. The traditionalist Alpha ideas that her father always carried. Of all his children, the one daughter and Omega he had, he couldn’t wait to get rid of. Nevermind that some Alphas had no control whether by nature or choice. She could have ended up with anyone. They potentially couldn’t have gotten this call. On top of that, her mother bending to her father’s will and word. They may have protected her growing up, but that amounted to nothing in the present. 

Jana’s jaw became locked. She swallowed this lump in her throat. Her eyes stung. She sniffled and shifted. It was time to end this conversation. “Yeah, okay.” she said, her voice cracking. “I just thought I would call and talk to you guys.” She noted that this was all a mistake. Everything came flooding back. She slowly started to choke.

“Well, it was nice to hear from you.” her mother said in a chipper tone. No doubt she caught on to the silence from Jana’s end. 

“Good night, Arjana.” her dad said before hitting the end button. 

Jana locked her phone and dropped it on the couch. The tears began to roll down her cheeks uncontrollably. She tried swallowing a sob by biting her lip and sucking on it. Something she used to do as a child. 

Florian stared at Jana as she fell apart in front of him. He reached for her hand, but she ripped away from him. “Leave me alone!” she cried. Florian blinked and Jana had left the couch and ran into the nearest bathroom. The door slammed before Florian could even turn in the direction she ran in. 

Jana leaned over the sink, trying to hold in sobs, but ultimately failing. She let everything come out. Her vision clouded with tears, snot threatening to run down her nose. She was angry, sad and frustrated. All it took was a short five-minute call for her to break down. She started to think about her childhood and how discarded she was. And now even more so because her family could have cared less if she had been mated by an abusive Alpha or one that actually cared for her. As long as she was out of the way.

Jana jumped at the knock on the door. “Jana.” Florian called. “Talk to me, baby.”

“Go away.” Jana said through her sobs. She sniffled as she leaned over the sink and put her hands to her face, moving her twists out of the way.

“Jana, open the door.” Florian said. 

Florian stood on the other side. He knew the door wasn’t locked and he could have easily opened it himself. However, he wanted Jana to come out under her own will. He was going to be patient and caring. Plus he had to be careful, the relationship could regress. Even though they were now bonded, it is very well known that the first few days after being mated were crucial.

“Florian...leave me alone, please.” she said. “I just need to be by myself.”

It hurt Florian to hear her like this. Crying, saddened. Was this why she didn’t talk to her family? “Jana, I’m sorry. Had I known...I wouldn’t-” 

“Go away!” Jana yelled. “Just leave me alone!”

Florian looked at the door as if he could see Jana through it and he scowled as she ranted. “Don’t you have what you want now? Isn’t this it? Like every other Alpha, you want my body. You want control and nothing else!” she yelled. “Don’t care about anything. That’s all it ever was. It’s about some bullshit natural order! My life doesn’t belong to me and everything I was taught by them was for me to just find someone so my life would be easier. Ain’t shit easy!”

There was a long silence now. Jana sat on the floor for the bathroom, trying to dry her tears. They both stood on opposite sides of the door. Jana thought Florian had left. But she got close and still smelled him. There was no linger, just him. He waited on her. He was trying to give her the time she needed to calm down.

“Florian?” Jana called.

“I’m still here.” he said, softly. Jana scooted towards the door and leaned against the wall. She was going to speak when Florian spoke instead. “Is that why you were so reluctant before?”

“What?” she said.

“You said I was like any other Alpha. Is that why? Because, you had already been treated poorly, but not by someone you wanted, but your dad?” Florian asked.

Jana remained silent. Her sniffles served as a yes to Florian. He nodded and moved closer to the door. “Jana, you know I love you. Despite what we went through, all of that is behind us. I could never talk to you like your dad does. I can’t discard you. I won’t do that.” he said. Jana stayed silent as she listened to Florian. He sighed. “Open the door, babe.”

Jana hesitated slightly. Her Omega started to speak to her again. He could make her feel better. It was what he was supposed to do. Her bite mark itched as she reached to turn the knob of the bathroom door and pulled it open. Florian looked at her, her eyes red and puffy. He used one hand to cup her face.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not like the others. I’m not like your dad.” he said. Jana pulled herself closer to him. “I’m sorry for what we had to go to through. You don’t have to worry about anything with me.”

Florian leaned in for a kiss. Jana didn’t pull away and actually returned the kiss. Florian pulled away and looked at her. “Let’s call it a night.”

Jana laid in bed, waiting on Florian to get out of the shower. Her phone sat on the nightstand, charging. She looked at it, the earlier conversation ringing in her head. She bit her lip, pulling at the sheets. She leaned over and held the lock button. Once the option appeared to turn off the phone, Jana slid the red button across the screen. She turned toward the door as Florian emerged.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” she said.

“Waiting on me?” Florian asked.

Jana fought not to chuckle. She nodded with a slight rock. Florian smirked and walked across to the closet. He reappeared in nothing, but basketball shorts and clearly with no underwear. There was no real reason for him to keep tempting you. His goal of getting you through your heat was achieved. He crossed the room and got in the bed.

Florian slid under the covers as he wrapped one arm around Jana’s shoulders and pulled her in. Her nose was in his chest and she was forced to smell him. But forced didn’t even seem like the correct term anymore. She was enjoying this. His scent was something she was relishing. Jana hummed as she draped an arm over him. Florian watch her settle into him. Almost rubbing herself against him. Florian reached for the remote and switched the bedroom lights off before pulling the blanket over them.

[jackjots]

#27 Nightmare

 Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye 30 Day Prompt

(This takes place after Episode 10)

Day #27 @30daysofwayward

(I do not own any other characters or place names outside of Shelby St. Ranger, this is just for fun)

TW: Alcohol, Blood

I walked home having only had one beer. I didn’t really feel as upset as I thought I would be by the firm no I had received from the werewolves about writing a book with Aubrey, and therefore did not need as much alcohol as I had assumed I’d need. I was also distracted by my own body, and my buzzing brain. It had been a slow inching change that I only noticed if I was doing nothing else, but now it was becoming distracting in itself. 

I got home and the emptiness of my house suddenly pulled at my heart. I was going through something, and I was doing it alone, because of my stubbornness and my fear. 

I observed myself in the mirror and found sprouts of hair starting to protrude from my shoulders. I tried to shave it, but the hair was stubborn and would not be removed. As I examined my body I found more small patches sprouting. I was a MacMahon wolf, I realized as I stared at myself. I huffed and a slight glow erupted around me and vanished as fast, which startled me and I backed up hard into my towel rack. There was a quick ache, and then it was gone. I was a MacMahon wolf, even if just a half one, and that was why I was terrified of telling the Connor Creek wolves. Would they accept me? Paul had left, and I never heard how they felt about him being one. 

I had the thought of contacting Paul, but then I thought better of it. I wanted to focus on who was here, and I didn’t feel very comfortable with him anyway. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, I just got the general sense that our natures were very different and it would be difficult to find a common ground. And I needed someone who I shared a lot of common ground with. 

Desmond.

I thought of him as a potential good friend; someone who made sense to me and had an aura of trustworthy steadiness about him. He was the closest thing I had to a good friend in town, and certainly the only friend I would begin to know how to explain this to. 

I’d have to go tell him as soon as possible. I decided if I got a lot of writing done the next day, I would go into town, let Aubrey know the book was a bust, and then go tell Desmond everything. 

My sleep was a stretch of darkness, until a dream surrounded me. I was in the Dead Canary, sitting at the bar, feeling unusually comfortable out in the middle of things. There was a warm amber glow around the room. I felt safe, and content. I called out to Desmond, ready to tell him everything, to get the weight off my chest. But I felt a hand on my shoulder as soon as his name left my lips and I turned to see Truman. She glowed and bared her teeth at me. I heard a click and I looked directly into the barrel of a gun, held by Desmond. He shot right past me and hit Truman. The gun sounded far away and distorted; as if I was underwater. When I looked at Truman, the blood had already surrounded her like a perfect aura. When I was about to thank Desmond, he shot me and my eyes flew open before I hit the ground in my dream.

I stood in my kitchen at 2am with a glass of water in one hand and a barely cooked piece of liver in the other hand. I was holding it over the sink to avoid doing any dishes or making a big mess. But my mind wasn’t there with me, I was back in the dream, trying to examine what it meant. Besides reiterating my fears to me, I had also sensed some guilt with Truman’s death. Even if I hadn’t directly contributed to it, and even though she had been “the bad guy”, I felt the loss of her life regardless. Somehow, realizing that guilt had been mixed with the fear in my belly helped relieve it somewhat. 

The next day, I found it harder to write than usual. I hadn’t gotten much sleep after my nightmare, so I drank three cups of coffee and felt like I was violently tugging the words out of my head instead of the usual automatic flow as I imagined myself in the mountains among vikings. 

It took me so long to write out the pages I needed to get done that it was already dark by the time I walked into town. I was a little worried that it was too late to talk to Aubrey, but his lights were still on as I approached his house. When I knocked I could tell I had disrupted him from something, but he was excited to see me. As I walked into his house, I noticed he had papers strewn across his desk, I saw as he let me in.

He saw me looking and gestured to it. “Desmond returned these pages that he removed from my great-grandfathers book. It’s about werewolves.”

“Oh, that’s interesting.” I said, trying hard not to refer to my own pages as I didn’t want Aubrey to see the note that was on it about half-wolves.

“Yes. Now, have you spoken to the...the werewolves?” He looked so hopeful. 

I sighed. “I’m sorry Aubrey. They decided against it.” 

The light left his face. “Ah, alright.”

“I feel like it’s pretty understandable.” I said, trying to fill the silence as he seemed to be looking inward. “They don’t want to be exposed.” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Should I- would you like me to leave?”

“Yes.” He turned his back on me and looked back at the pages. I left and walked to the Dead Canary. 

Without thinking about it, as my mind was still on Aubrey, I sat right at the bar. I called for Desmond, and then my voice got stuck in my throat. It was just like my dream. 

But instead of a hand on my shoulder, Desmond popped up from under the counter, which still made me jump. He didn’t acknowledge my reaction, he just nodded. “Hello Shelby.” 

“Hey.”

“A beer?”

“You know what? Yes.” I rubbed my face. “I just spoke to Aubrey.”

He slid the beer to me. “That bad?”

“He was disappointed.”

“What about you?”

“Me? I see both sides of it, really.” I was actually more relieved than I thought I would be, but maybe I was just stressed out about being part wolf and not worrying about telling Aubrey felt like a break somehow. 

“You see both sides?” He raised his eyebrows.

I took a long sip. The place was empty. I could tell him now. I should tell him now. But the dream. He still hadn’t spoken, and suddenly I realized he was giving me perhaps my last chance. “I should tell you, Truman scratched me.”

He nodded. “Mhm.” 

“And weird stuff is happening.”

“Ahuh.”

“And I’m sorry I lied before.”

“But you were scared.”

“Yes.”

“Of bein’ a werewolf?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you aren't going to be a full werewolf.”

“I know. The pages you gave back to me had some notes on them.”

“Did they now?” He smiled for a moment and then looked me in the eye again. “You’ll be fine. It’ll settle after a while.” “Will it?” “Or you’ll just get used to it.” He threw his rag over his shoulder. “But you aren’t alone Shelby. We’re-”

But before Desmond could finish the sentence, Olivia came running in. “Aubrey’s telling people about werewolves.” 

“What?” Desmond and I almost said it in unison. 

“He’s lost his gourd.” Olivia called running back out. 

As soon as she opened the door again I could hear him, hear him yelling and hammering on doors. 

I took another big chug of my beer and ran out into the night. 

[taylorroger-s]

shooting star // ben hardy x reader

a/n hooooolyyyy shit it has been a while since I've written something. this has actually been in my drafts since june, and was originally a response to an ask following me reblogging a prompt list. to the anon that requested it, sorry about that. but hey, it’s now done and personally, I think it’s pretty good. hope y’all think so too

plus, I've been in a ben mood after the 6 underground trailer so that gave me the motivation to finish

masterlist here!

enjoy :)

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you really weren't in the mood to leave the house. 

your friday nights were usually spent curled up in your bed, eyes glued to your old hunk of a computer, burning through cheesy rom-coms and seasons upon seasons of any mildly interesting show you could find. 

but after a brief pep talk by your roommate, you had dragged yourself to a university party where drunkards snogged in dark corners and booze was in no short supply. you were settled comfortably in the corner of a well-worn sofa, nursing a cup full of what you assumed was vodka and lemonade. 

the party itself wasn’t as bad as you expected. letting loose once in awhile always helped relieve some of the stress built up by tests and essays. prior to sitting down, you had spent a good thirty minutes dancing to a strange assortment of classic rock ballads and eclectic disco melodies. once exhausted and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. you grabbed the mystery vodka concoction and sat down. 

you were just starting to relax when one of the alcohol-fueled “men” stumbled into the growing circle of people seated in the middle of the chaos, haphazardly leaning on one another. 

“yoooo,” the boy slurred, “let’s do… truth or dare!” you groaned, moving to leave when your friend ashley tugged on your arm, dragging you back to her side.

“cmon… it’ll be fun” ash pleaded, throwing her arms around your neck to pull you closer. you could smell the cigarettes, weed, and crude cocktails on her breath. with a dejected sigh, you sunk back into the couch, curling up against ashley. you had never really enjoyed the game of truth or dare. ever since your junior year, when you were pressured into stealing something from the headmaster’s office and ended up with a month of detention, you had avoided it pretty successfully. 

“i don’t think so.” you muttered, finishing off your drink with one last gulp. that’s when you heard an achingly familiar voice. ben jones, childhood friend turned sworn enemy somewhere in junior high. 

it was difficult to piece together how the rift between the two of your formed. your friendship was so pure, so uplifting. there was no one in the world you trusted more. the beginning of the end came when you had your first serious crush. a boy in your french class named john had asked you to the movies to see the third harry potter film. 

but that was the issue. ben and you had seen the first two together, read the books together. suffice to say it was a sacred tradition between the two of you. so when you broke the news to ben about your date, he wasn’t the most supportive. it escalated into a heated argument, before you angrily left his room with tears streaming down your face. later that night he called and apologized, but things were never the same after that. the last true conversation you had ended with both of you renouncing your friendship and going your separate ways. for weeks after, you would catch yourself staring at the phone, waiting for a call; or waiting for the courage to call first. but every time you felt the urge to run back to him, the final words he said would come back to haunt you.

“you abandoned me”

“how could you?”

“i hate you.”

since then, things were never the same. no more late night phone calls, no more movie marathons. when john broke your heart, you didn’t have ben to turn to. you didn’t realize how much you cared about him until that moment. but you weren't about to run back into his arms. so you stayed silent, grew up and went to university without so much as a backwards glance to your former best friend. just your luck that he ended up in the same school, even if he was in a different major. as university dragged on you walked past him in the halls less and less. but then you would see him at parties, exchanging furtive glances when you thought the other wasn’t looking. you hadn’t has a direct conversation in years. so the fact that he was at the same random party, giving you grief, made your blood run cold.

“you don’t have to be such a downer, bugs.” ben chided, taking a sip from the beer in his right hand. there was another, unopened bottle in his left. he had the audacity to call you by a nickname you hadn’t heard in years. at the age of six, the two of you had become obsessed with the looney tunes, watching old reruns from the seventies and following along as new episodes came out. you had been dubbed bugs in honor of bugs bunny by him, and you took to calling him beaky. you could remember vividly scratching the words ‘bugs and beaky forever’ into a tree not far from your primary school’s front yard. he called you bugs? well two could play at that game.

“that’s rich coming from you beaky.” you shot back, keeping your eyes trained on a generic painting hanging on the opposite wall. you could feel him shift on the other side of the couch’s arm, taking a seat no more than two feet away from you. after a moment you couldn’t resist the pull and took a quick glance at your ex-best friend, sucking in a breath as he came into view. he had ditched the justin bieber hair you remembered, letting it grow and curl around his ears. you pressed your lips together in a firm line, slowly tearing your eyes away from his chiseled jawline and striking green eyes.

“alright, everyone have a drink?” the boy who introduced the game called, holding up a cup of his own. everyone raised their own in response. you glanced down at your lap where the empty cup sat. whoops. just when you were toying with the idea of simply bailing from the party, an unopened bottle dropped into your lap, cold against the denim fabric of your jeans. you whipped your head to the side, where ben was quietly watching the plastered people arranged in the messy circle. you stared at him for a moment before he spoke.

“you’re welcome” he huffed, taking a sip from his own, identical bottle. you twisted off the cap, twiddling it between your fingers for a moment.

“thanks.” you said through gritted teeth, shutting yourself up from saying anything more with a long swig from the bottle. and so the game began. you sat there, head on ashley’s shoulder, laughing at the silly dares asked and often scandalous truths. someone would spin an empty bottle in the center of the circle, and whoever it landed on they would ask that stupid, fated question. truth or dare?

you weren’t subjected to anything too horrible. anytime you reached a question or dare that you were uncomfortable with, you would simply take a quick chug from your steadily emptying bottle and laugh. as time dragged on you had confessed the worst cocktail you ever drank, the weirdest dream you ever had, and had given someone a brief kiss on the cheek.

once your turn rolled around the third time, you reached for the bottle, spinning it with a bit of difficulty due to the beer pumping through your system. it spun in two complete circles and then just a touch more, landing square on ben. just your luck. you turned to him, locking eyes with his stunningly green ones. he really was quite gorgeous. it made your breath catch in your throat as you pushed out the question.

“truth or dare?” you breathed, raising an eyebrow in challenge. your mind filled with a number of different options and possible outcomes for his response. part of you wanted to be malicious and embarrass him for some crude form of revenge, but deep down you still cared deeply for ben and would hate to see him miserable. there truly was a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. 

“truth.” ben stated, crossing his arms firmly across his chest. his nonchalance steeled your spine and you held your chin high. your judgement was admittedly impaired by alcohol, but it was too late for you to change your mind. you needed to know the truth, whether or not it was in front of an audience. 

“what’s the biggest lie you’ve told?” 

he took in a sharp breath, moving his steely gaze to the frayed edges on his shoelaces. no more than a few seconds had passed between your question and his response, but it felt like an eternity. you clenched your fists repeatedly in your lap, habitually cracking them as the room stayed quiet. ben sighed, lifting his eyes just a tad to watch you through his long eyelashes. 

“that i hate you. that you abandoned me. that i never wanted to see you again. take your pick” he almost hissed out the words, jumping to his feet and walking out when he had finished. you sat in stunned silence with the rest of the group, slowly processing what he said. someone coughed, another sneezed. still the silence stretched on. then ashley elbowed you in the ribs. 

you whirled around, mouthing the word ‘what?’ and giving her a glare. she rolled her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. you crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at her as you waited for an answer. she pointed wildly towards the door that ben had disappeared into, eyes wide as she gestured. it was very easy to read her exaggerated movements. she wanted you to talk to him. you knew you had to talk to him. but you didn’t want to. yet, after a beat, you groaned internally and headed towards the door, flipping ashley the bird as you left.

ben was a few rooms away, brooding silently as he gazed out a window. you took a seat across from him, resting your head on the chipped window frame. there was a plush bench situated against the wall, pillows tucked up against the glass. the two of you were seated on the floor, curled in similar positions, mirroring each other. the party seemed to have resumed in the other room, giggles and fits of laughter filling the air. 

"so…" you began, grappling for some way to start up a conversation. you heard ben let out a heavy breath through his nose, tucking his hand under his chin. his profile was bathed in moonlight, casting a monochromatic glow on his chiseled features. his lips were turned into a distinct frown. 

"so what?" you rolled your eyes. just as stubborn as he was when the two of you were kids. it summoned a memory of him nearly beating up a boy for calling you names, while you did your best to drag him away. always your defender, whether you needed it or not. another memory to make your heart ache as you sat straight across from that same, hot-headed boy. 

“are we going to talk about what just happened?” you said, tone slightly terse. you suddenly wished you were back in your room, curled up in your covers, repressing memories of a happier time. a time where your only worries were what games to play and looney toons episodes to watch. a time where it was just you and ben against the world. 

“suppose so.” he sounded just as tense as you, which for some reason pissed you off. he didn’t have to answer the question with something that hadn’t ever been addressed between the two of you. he could have said something inconsequential and you both could have continued on with your lives. but his admission needed to be dealt with, and it fell to you to make him explain. 

“since you seem so keen to begin a conversation, i’ll start. why did you lie in the first place?” you could feel a lump rise in your throat. even after years of no contact, you still cared about him. his rejection all that time ago still stung. you deserved to know the truth. 

“next question.” ben answered, voice still flat and emotionless. however, you could tell that he wasn’t unaffected by your prying. the muscles in his jaw had tightened, and you watched as he ran a hand through his hair. his gaze was drilled on something out the window, as if he was adamant not to look at your face. 

“fine, smartass. why did my going on a date piss you off so much?” you were now fully focused on him, silently begging to any god that might exist for an answer that you had waited so long for. 

“it wasn’t that you were going on a date,” you raised an eyebrow, doubtful of his answer, but he continued speaking, “it was that you were going to see harry potter. that was our thing. our tradition. in my adolescent boy brain, you were replacing me.” he suddenly sounded years younger, just like the boy you would play football with in the dead of night and share sweets with after school. his expression had also softened, eyes tentatively flicking back to you every couple seconds. 

“you know that nothing would ever replace you. thick as thieves, mum used to say. i never would have replaced you for a middle school crush. so, why. did. you. lie?” you sounded strained, mad that he had ever for a moment thought anyone was more important to you than him. no person could fill the space he left behind. 

“because i was jealous alright? jealous that you chose him over me. jealous that he got to hold your hand, take you to dances. i was jealous because i loved you, and you slipped away before i did anything to show you how much i cared.” ben snapped, tone softening as his confession went on, voice cracking near the end. he had been waiting to say those words for what felt like a lifetime. a weight was lifted of his shoulders, and, by association, yours as well. despite the somber nature of your conversation, you could feel a smile spread across your features. you were now entirely looking at each other, stupid, love-struck kids once more. 

“ben, you total dork. i would have chosen you over him every time. you were who i truly cared about. but i’m not a mind reader, so when you never said anything, i assumed it was because my feelings weren’t reciprocated. therefore, i tried to move on. didn’t work by the way. nothing i did could make me stop loving you.” you reached out a hand and he gently took it, lacing your fingers with his. he too had a soft smile on his face, gaze shifting to your intertwined hands. his thumb rubbed small circles on the back of your hand, warming your skin with his touch. 

“guess we're both idiots.” he looked back up, locking eyes with you. all at once, your feelings came rushing back. you could do nothing else but smile as the minutes passed by, still connected to ben through his outstretched hand. you tilted your head to look back out the large window, tracing the shapes of constellations between the stars. one flew by; a shooting star. your wish was simple: that you never had to let go of ben ever again. 

“guess so.”

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yee haw kids i’m finally getting back into it (if you call finishing off a draft that’s been there since june getting back into writing but shh)

here’s to more motivation in the weeks to come!

[hellyeahomeland]

“The English Teacher” | Directed by Michael Cuesta, Cinematography by Giorgio Scali

Sara: Not really related to this image specifically, but this week’s episode was directed by Michael Cuesta, whom you may remember as the directing executive producer for the show’s first two seasons. He directed some of the best episodes of the show: the pilot, “The Weekend,” “Marine One,” “The Choice.” I was really, really happy to see that they brought him back for the penultimate episode. That feels fitting and so, so right. 

Related to this image specifically, opening on an image of Carrie literally split in half in the frame feels symbolic. She’s being pulled in two competing directions, her loyalty to Saul fighting with her desire to prevent a nuclear war. 

Gail: When the episode first started I wondered if she had escaped custody and was standing and waiting to have a passport photo taken like Brody in “The Choice” (again, a Michael Cuesta episode). (My tin foil hat has been all over the place lately!) But then it occurred to me that it’s actually the mirror of the opening shot of Carrie in the first episode this season. The close-ups of Carrie in both scenes have a lot in common, especially that we can only see half of her face. In episode one, the other half of the frame was black and here, the other half is white. I think Sara was right when she pointed out in last week’s Director’s Chair about the transition images at the end of “Designated Driver.” Carrie’s life has always been somewhere in between the black and white. 

Ashley: The way this carefully pans down across her face, only to find that she is actually cuffed to the chair, is pretty well-done. We’ve seen her in cuffs too many times this season, and trapped in other ways more often than that.

Sara: This image of Carrie watching the suicide bomb footage on TV really calls to mind the visuals in the opening credits of a young Carrie watching war and terror play out on a television screen.

Ashley: How many times has Carrie seen something awful and life-altering on television? She was in this position in season five when she saw Quinn in the gas chamber. Shocking and devastating and just kinda the life of Carrie Mathison, tbh.

Gail: I agree with both of you, this is a great callback to Carrie in the credits and Carrie in “New Normal.” Carrie’s unconventional methods often come at a high price and this scene is another reminder of that. (And how amazing is Chris Bauer, who plays Carrie’s lawyer?! Sara, he’s even giving you some sweet ‘stache!)

Sara: Love the mustache. 

Sara: Tag yourself I’m Wellington. 

Ashley: We are all Wellington.

Gail: Pretty sure I’ve been Saul all week trying to get my kids to do their e-learning. I’m tagging my son as Zabel and my daughter as Hayes. My husband is full-on Wellington, knowing I’m right but refusing to get involved.

Ashley: The sharp difference between Zabel’s terrible beard and Saul’s luscious beard is one of the best things this show has offered us.

Gail: I love that Saul’s body language tells a story too. He can hardly bring himself to look at Zabel, let alone face him.

Sara: John Zabel is a real fuckin’ slime ball and Hugh Dancy has been so, so good in this role. You can tell he must relish getting to play this evil character, going up against these actors and actors that he’s known so intimately, though entirely offscreen, the last ten years. 

Sara: I love this detail of Saul moving one of his books back just a millimeter or so. It really emphasizes how meticulous he is and also begs the question if he’s going to realize Carrie had them all splayed out on his living room floor. Does he keep them in a specific order? 

Ashley: I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING. And I’m surprised he has so many of them — he was looking at one volume specifically, so I initially was wondering if his commie shelf was just to hide that particular book.

Gail: No small detail seems to escape Saul’s attention. Such a small movement, but it says so much about who Saul is. And yes, Ashley, some of those books were just decoys! Carrie figured that out as she was sorting the books, which is also a great detail about who Saul is. Saul’s red book collection of asset communication is also his hobby. As Carrie says, the best lies have to have truth in them.

Sara: Ben Savage as young Mandy Patinkin is some of the most inspired casting ever. I know he’s already played a young Mandy Patinkin, but I am still in awe. The flat bill cap was an excellent detail. #hat

Gail: I love how he is wearing a trademark Saul plaid shirt, too!

Gail: Another shot of a character with only half of their face shown. This time it’s a young Saul who already has his fair share of secrets.

Ashley: Spoiler alert, she doesn’t shoot him.

Sara: IJLTP.

Gail: We don’t get this close-up shot in this scene until Saul drops his facade and asks her if she’s reading between the lines... He wants to pull a fast one on the useful idiots in the Oval Office and wants her help to do it (ugh, Tasneem agrees!). From a distance, we see Saul in his office somewhere in the West Wing, playing the part of National Security Advisor, but as the camera moves in for this close-up, we see Saul as who he really is: the smart and strategic spy.

Sara: There were quite a few extreme close-ups of Saul this week. What does it mean in an episode where we learn more about his heroic past than potentially at any other time this series? For me this really put into perspective how much we don’t know about Saul. Carrie alludes to snippets he’s revealed over the years, but even she--presumably his closest confidante--doesn’t know. Saul is the opposite of an open book, pun intended. 

Ashley: Let’s crack his spine open and see if there’s a note.

Sara: This slow push on Carrie as the judge reads the list of charges against her is devastating, and not just for Carrie. It is for the audience too, because we know the truth. It goes without saying that Claire is magnificent here.

Ashley: Listening to all of the things Carrie Mathison is being charged with — specifically because we know the character, we have known her for a long time — is painful. For Claire, who has lived in Carrie’s skin for so long, it must have been torture. 

Gail: Carrie’s lawyer is dressed in red, white and blue while Carrie is dressed for a funeral. I’m sure neither is a coincidence.

Sara: I do not like the context of this shot, but I love the shot itself. IDNLTCOTSBILTSI.

Sara: Linus being the only one in a room full of military brass and West Wing staff who understands that something’s fishy here is a very “of course” moment. I love how they’re framed in shadows here. In a way, he and Saul have both been running a “shadow” government all season, working in the background, out of sight.

Gail: Saul has his own circle of trust now and Wellington’s circle is only bumping up against it, no Venn diagrams here. Saul is playing his cards close to the vest, knowing he is on borrowed time. (See what I did there?)

Sara: I loved the payoff of the Carrie/Jenna relationship this week. Jenna coming to the realization that Quinn did before--nothing is worth the damage they cause--plays like a terrible déjà vu moment. Carrie just sits there, silent, as Jenna walks out. As staff writer Jonathan Redding said, “She was never going to become another Carrie. She can’t make Carrie’s trades.”

Gail: I think Carrie sits silently as Jenna walks out because she can’t argue with her. Carrie herself came to the same realization back in season four. Interestingly, as Jenna has her realization that nothing is worth the damage they do, Carrie is sitting at a dining room table, just like Quinn was when he had his realization in “Gerontion.” Except this time Carrie is the one who everyone thinks is guilty of a crime she didn’t commit. So. Many. Parallels. 

Ashley: Putting Carrie at the dining room table is interesting — she’s surrounded by empty chairs. You can’t help but think of all the people she’s lost, and yet another person is walking away. She’s completely alone.

Sara: ICONIC MOMENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY. 

Gail: Did Carrie swipe a pair of Saul’s glasses from his house? They look similar to asset Anna’s glasses as well. Not sure if that means anything, but it’s interesting.

Sara: Gail, you can read my tin foil hat theory on that in this week’s TCWTW. 

Sara: I love love love this transition that reveals the teacher in the photo is the Russian translator. It’s inspired. 

Gail: Me too! I also love that she is in focus while everyone else is not, which adds importance to her character as well. The first shot of her mirrors the photo of The English Teacher. We don’t see her full face until she talks to Saul directly in this scene, a small detail that reveals who her character is important to.

Ashley: Her shoulders are squared, head cocked, listening — the contrast from the girl she was in the photo is evident even from behind.

Gail: Usually when a character is having an important moment, you see their face and reaction on camera, not the back of their head. Breaking that rule with Anna over and over again throughout the course of this scene is extremely effective. She’s a faceless, non-threatening fly on the wall and surely not the high-ranking Kremlin (and presumably male) official they are worried about.

Sara: The framing of these characters in this shot is amazing. Anna stands in the camera’s focus, head tilted ever so slightly. The other men don’t even notice. You can see how she’s been such an effective asset. Hidden in plain sight.

Sara: Kusnetsov’s book is Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens. This is the last novel Dickens ever wrote, which is fitting here. 

Gail: According to Wikipedia, the book explores the conflict between doing what society expects and the idea of being true to oneself. When you set that concept against Andrei’s role as a double agent, the theme takes on new meaning.

Ashley: Nerds.

Gail: Saul doesn’t yet know how important Anna is, but Michael Cuesta and Giorgio Scali are giving the audience a subtle clue here. By shooting Anna from a low angle it alludes that her character is powerful and has influence, something Saul will come to realize shortly.

Sara: We all agree that it was 100% intentional to cast an actress to play young Anna that looks just enough like Claire Danes to make you think, right? I don’t mean that Carrie is the lovechild of Saul and Anna (the timelines don’t match!). More that Saul has a type, no?

Sara: ...And in case we had any doubt that they’re drawing a parallel between Anna and Carrie, we have this transition. This episode is filled with loaded transitions.

Gail: Carrie in the center of the frame, caught in between the dark and light, is an ongoing theme this episode. We see it here again as she makes her way toward Saul’s library.

Sara: There are multiple pans over Saul’s giant collection of red books, most of the titles unreadable and blurred. But where do we land at the end? The camera holds on this book, A Woman’s Vengeance by James Payn. There is almost no info about this book on the internet, which leads me to believe it’s fake. Yet it’s in the public domain. Did they just like the title? 

Gail: I read a little about it online. It was published originally in 1872, volume 2 of 3. I read an excerpt of it on Amazon, and the first chapter is titled “A Good Night’s Work.” Having this close-up shot of these books that follow our introduction to young Anna, Saul’s asset who is clearly a woman scorned, makes this book title (and the title to its first chapter) feel very fitting.

Sara: If the Wikipedia entry about The Secret Agent is any indication, this book is a doozy. Basically everyone suffers and dies at the end and an innocent person is accidentally killed. 

Gail: That Wikipedia page is crazy! It also says that Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, loved this book and closely identified himself with the character of the “Professor”... which ties into Saul’s alias, Professor Rabinow. I live for this stuff--always a mark of a good production when the depth of the details matches the intensity of the show.

Sara: The phantom horizontal line on the seven. 

Ashley: That is like the ONE thing that I, Ashley, actually noticed and mentioned first. Give me a shout-out, man, I mean, DAMN.

Sara: Shout out to Ashley, who noticed and mentioned this first! 

Gail: Homeland always gives us the best bokeh. I love its use here. We have a window into Saul’s biggest secret, the details surrounding it are hazy to us at first, and we can’t see the full picture yet--just like this shot.

Sara: IJLTP.

Ashley: I love how old-school Carrie is — she’s so visual, and in her own way, just like Saul. She lays it all out and uses her hands to put it together.

Gail: Her bulletin board, highlighters and thread have been replaced by notecards and old carpet that I’d like to think Mira picked out, but the result is the same as we watch Carrie put all of the pieces together. It’s HIGH RED y’all.

Sara: “High red,” omg. I’m obsessed with the sequence of Carrie assembling the book timeline and figuring out Saul’s method of communication. For me it’s one of the all-time best Homeland scenes. 

Sara: The editing in this scene is exquisite. The use of jump cuts adds to the tension and uncertainty as Carrie herself attempts to splice together these disparate clues into something greater, some sort of truth. 

The scene is almost completely free of dialogue. Claire has to convey Carrie’s journey to the truth here through only her actions. I love the shots at ground level of her literally on hands and knees flipping through the books. There is a sense of desperation and urgency to it that is thrilling.

Sara: The Smile. 

Gail: I see what you did there and I approve. IJLTP.

Ashley: I’m a little surprised that Carrie isn’t a bit more conflicted here.

Sara: Cutting Carrie and Saul together at the moment where their minds finally sync is … quite literal, actually, but it works. In these twin shots of Carrie and Saul I’m struck especially by how Saul is against a light background while Carrie is cloaked in darkness. 

Gail: These back-to-back shots give the impression that Carrie and Saul are on opposite ends of the same book which rings very true to me. The black and white imagery continues here as Sara points out. We see Carrie just barely ahead of the darkness, looking toward the light.

Ashley: Mandy just does things with his face sometimes and it’s amazing to watch.

Sara: Another extreme close-up of Saul as he realizes that Carrie lied to him. 

Gail: Saul’s line from earlier in the season rings in my ears here. “You are vulnerable to him in ways neither of us can imagine.” But to build on my thoughts on his earlier close-up shot, I think it’s an effective tool for us to get a window into what Saul is genuinely thinking and feeling at that moment. The massive implications of Carrie’s involvement in a play being run by Yevgeny are devastating and Saul realizes it in one stunning and heartbreaking moment.

Gail: Anna saving Saul’s life gives so much more weight and importance to who she is to Saul. He owes her his life and, thirty years later, his career, too.

Sara: There is something fantastical about this part of the flashback. The backdrop and extreme lighting looks sort of … fake? It almost looks like they’re on a film set. I’m interpreting this as a reflection of Saul’s memory: we all want to see ourselves as the hero in our movie of our lives.

Sara: Shout out to Gail for realizing this Charlotte Benson character was featured last season with Ivan. 

Gail: I love a good easter egg and a good callback. Details like this and recurring characters like Scott Ryan give their world realism. I stan.

Ashley: This is such a terribly effective moment in the show. We haven’t seen Yevgeny at all in this episode, and yet he’s ever-present; closing on “kill Saul” is so fucking… ugh. Stupid Homeland.

Gail: All of Yevgeny’s shots in this scene are done with a steady camera, which gives the impression (illusion?) of his control of the situation. Have we had a scene where Yevgeny isn’t leaning? My God, he’s even leaning when on Zoom for Spies.

Sara: As Yevgeny reveals the full extent of his play--“Kill Saul”--the camera zooms in on him. Eventually he takes up almost the entire frame. It gives the feeling of stakes being continually raised. And he’s still got that trademark smirk and nonchalance, despite what he’s telling Carrie to do.

Sara: Meanwhile, the camera stays mostly the same distance away from Carrie but pans in semi-circles around her, back and forth, back and forth. It’s an interesting choice as she comes to the realization of what Yevgeny is suggesting. The camera is almost like the wheels spinning in her head as she understands the full scope of the choice she must make.

Gail: As Carrie and Yevgeny go back and forth, each one trying to figure out what the other one knows, the shots start to go back and forth as well, mimicking their dance. In film and television production, there is a term called the 180 degree rule. What it means is that there is an imaginary line running through a scene, from side to side, with respect to the camera. The rule of thumb is that the camera should never cross the line because it causes the viewer to feel disoriented and confused. But when used effectively, we get the powerful effect that it had here in this scene. We (the audience) feel the same disorientation as Carrie, the same unsteadiness that is reflected in the handheld camera that shoots her. As I mentioned above, when we see Yevgeny on the computer screen, he is centered, steady and in control. Quite a contrast between the two.

Ashley: I repeat… stupid Homeland.

Ashley: We’ve seen so much darkness in this episode, mostly related to Saul — Carrie, for her part, has been pretty much in bright spaces. Despite everything that’s happened to her, I believe that this is the darkest point in her life.

Sara: Carrie hurriedly walks out of this vast, empty mansion as the lights dim behind her. The weight and horror of this decision is splayed across her face. The darkness follows her. The question now as we head into this final chapter: can she outrun it? Or will it finally catch up to her? 

Gail: Staying just ahead of the darkness and trying to find the light. Here Carrie is again living somewhere in between.

[milkchu]

a break for mom ; gwilym lee x reader {1/2}

“Gwilym Lee cute smut? Pls thx” - Anon

“Dad!gwil flooooooof” - Anon

Warnings: Suggestive themes, FLUFFY DADDY GWIL

A/N:  thanks for the requests, anons! so this is going to be two parts, the first part will be all fluffy and the next will be smut 😉 however, this part can be seen as a standalone if you’re not comfortable with reading smut. happy reading! 💓

{next part}

Gwilym sighed as he climbed out of his parked car, before locking it. Walking to the front door, he fumbled with his keys, and then finally unlocking the door to his home. He just came from a long, tiring day of shooting a new movie, and he’s so happy to finally be home.

Walking inside, Gwilym saw that the television was still turned on, an episode of a kid’s show playing. He walked closer to the couch to see his two-year old son, Theo, sleeping, with his beautiful wife’s arms wrapped around him.

Even though your hair was a mess, and your knitted sweater had a few stains on it, probably from feeding Theo, he still thought you were the most gorgeous thing that walked this earth. Gwilym knew you were tired yourself, taking care of a two-year old was not that enjoyable, so, he had a plan in mind.

Smiling at the sight in front of him, he turned the television off, careful to not wake up the both of you, before going to the kitchen to heat up some dinner. Grabbing the tray of lasagna on the counter, he cut himself a slice before putting it in the microwave for a minute.

Hearing soft, small footsteps approaching, Gwilym turned around to see his son, excitedly running to him, you following behind, still a bit sleepy.

“Daddy!” Theo squealed, running and then jumping into his father’s open arms. Gwilym laughed as his son’s small, chubby arms wrapped around his neck. After planting a soft kiss on his son’s forehead, he asked, “How was your day, little man?”

“Me and Mommy went to the park!” Your son cheered, Gwilym grinned at you, “What did you do at the park?” Your husband asked. “Swide!” You chuckled before saying, “He meant slide.”

“Welcome home, Gwil,” You smiled sleepily at your husband. Gwilym smiled back, before leaning in to give your lips a quick kiss. “Did you enjoy the slide?” He asked his son.

“Yes! We kept going up, down, up, down!” Theo chirped. You chuckled, remembering the earlier events where you kept carrying your son to the top of the slide. It was tiring, but, nothing could compare to the sight of your cute son laughing and enjoying himself.

“Well, I’m sure you enjoyed today with Mommy, but, you should be going to sleep now, little man,” Gwilym said, as he gestured for you to wait here. You nodded, before your son chirped, “Okay, Daddy! Good night, Mommy!” You smiled, before leaning in to kiss your son’s soft, chubby cheeks. “Good night, baby.”

After Gwilym walked up the stairs to his son’s bedroom, he placed Theo inside his crib. “Okay, Theo, you better go to sleep now,” His son pouted, “Okay, Daddy,” Gwilym chuckled at his son, “Don’t worry, tomorrow will be a great day,” Theo’s head tilted in confusion.

“You’ll be staying with Uncle Rami and Auntie Lucy tomorrow because Mommy and I will be going somewhere, is that okay?” Theo’s eyes lit up, before putting his small arms in the air, “Yay! Uncle Wami and Auntie Wucy!”

Gwilym chuckled, knowing his son loved to spend time with his friends, Rami and Lucy, before kissing his son’s forehead, “Yes, so you better go sleep now, so you’ll have a lot of energy!” He tickled his son’s tummy. Theo giggled, “Okay, Daddy!”

He smiled at his son, placing his soft blanket over him, “Good night, little man,” Theo let out a small yawn, “Good night, Daddy.”

Gwilym walked to the door to switch the light off, before glancing back at his son. Hearing Theo’s soft breathing, indicating he was already asleep, he walked out the door and went back to the kitchen.

You were now sitting by the counter, sipping a hot mug of tea, like you always did before you went to sleep. Seeing your husband walk in you asked, “Is he asleep?” Gwilym chuckled in response, “Out like a light.”

Remembering the lasagna in the microwave, he reached for the warm plate and placed it on the counter. While he was looking for a fork, you asked, “How was work?”

Gwilym groaned, “Tiring as hell, but, I managed to get a few days off from filming,” You grinned, “That’s great, Gwil!” You were really proud of your husband with his work, especially after Bohemian Rhapsody came out, because he finally got the recognition he deserved, but, you were aware he was extremely exhausted because he usually comes home late.

Sitting beside you, he offered you a fork, to which you politely declined, “I feel like I only ate lasagna for the past week,” You sighed. Gwilym chuckled, “Well, it is Theo’s favorite.” You laughed in response, “True.”

“So, I was thinking… Since I have a few days off, Why don’t we go somewhere?” Gwilym looked at you. “Where?” You asked, placing  your mug to your lips. “Hmmm, I don’t know… maybe Venice?”

You almost choked on your tea, “Venice? Are you serious?” You looked at your husband in disbelief. Gwilym nodded with a grin on his face. You put your mug down on the counter in shock, “I was thinking of somewhere outside London, but I didn’t think it was that far.”

“Is Theo coming with us?” You asked. Gwilym moved closer to you, his arm placing itself around your shoulders, ��Well, I was hoping it could be… just the two of us.”

“My parents are out of town, Gwil, no one’s going to look after him,” You looked up at your husband, worriedly. “Don’t worry, Rami and Lucy already agreed to take care of him while we’re out.” Gwilym assured you, rubbing your back softly.

“You planned this all along, didn’t you?” Your husband chortled, “Maybe,” You rolled your eyes playfully at him before he pressed his lips against your cheek, “Besides, we both need a break.”

Your cheeks began to feel warm at his gesture, “Alright then, when are we leaving?” You asked. “Tomorrow,” He grinned. You gasped, and shot up from your seat before walking towards your bedroom, “Jesus Christ, Gwil! You could have told me this sooner!”

Gwilym laughed as he followed you to the bedroom, seeing you grab clothes from your dresser and throwing it onto the bed. He leaned against the door frame, watching you pack your bag in panic. “Why are you just standing there? Help me pack!”

The next day

“Do you have all your toys with you, Theo?” You asked, looking back towards your son, who was currently in his booster seat in the car. “Yes, Mommy!” Theo beamed, holding up his favorite stuffed dinosaur toy that his Uncle Joe gave him for his first birthday.

You giggled at your son, before your husband got inside the car, climbing onto the driver’s seat. “Are we all ready?” Gwilym asked, adjusting his rear view mirror.

“Let’s gooo!” Theo cheered, excited to see his Uncle Rami and Auntie Lucy. Gwilym let out a chuckle before finally driving away from your house.

When Gwilym stopped the car in front of Rami and Lucy’s place, Theo couldn’t stop jumping in his seat. Your husband got out of the car and unbuckled Theo’s seatbelt, then carried him out of the car and put him down on the ground.

When Theo felt his feet on the ground, he immediately ran towards the front door, “Uncle Wami! Auntie Wucy!” You chased after your son, “Don’t run too fast, Theo! You might trip!”

Gwilym laughed at your actions, carrying the bags that contained Theo’s stuff, and walked towards the two of you.

You caught up to your son, relieved that he managed to run without tripping. You let out a sigh, before pressing the doorbell. A few seconds later, the door opened to reveal Rami.

“Uncle Wami!” Theo squealed, putting his little arms up, wanting to be carried. Rami chuckled, before picking your son up in his arms, “Hey there, little buddy.” Gwilym and yourself greeted your friend, before coming inside his house.

“He really missed you, Rami,” You laughed, fixing your son’s hair. “Oh really?” Rami laughed, before Lucy came down the stairs. You gave her a hug, before she cooed at the sight of your son in her boyfriend’s arms.

After spending some time in their living room, just catching up with each other, thanking them for agreeing to look after your two-year old, Gwilym took a look at his watch, “It’s almost time, we best be going.”

“Have fun, you two love birds,” Lucy said, before giving you both a hug. “Not too much fun though, you might come back with another Theo,” Rami jested, his girlfriend nudging him on the arm for saying such things in front of your son.

“Very funny, Rami,” You laughed, before giving him a hug and then finally saying goodbye to your son, who was currently on the living room floor, already playing with his toys. You gave Theo a lot of kisses on his cute cheeks, before he wrapped his small arms around your neck, “Bye, Mommy!”

You let go of him, your husband doing the same to your son, “Be good to your Uncle Rami and Auntie Lucy, alright?” Gwilym said to Theo. “Okay, Daddy!” He chirped.

“We’ll back back soon,” He looked back towards you, before giving you a wink,

“I just need to spend some time with Mommy.”

[wolfofansbach]

A Nightmare at Thornhill

I think this was actually the first Riverdale fanfic idea I ever had, way back when I did my first watching of season 1, and more specifically the episode Cheryl has that nightmare about Jason coming out of his coffin.

I never wrote it out because I found out someone had beat me to the crossover concept (it’s been like two years but I think I read the fic and I think it was pretty good). But hey, there are only so many original ideas in the world. Maybe I’ll expand on it. The fun Freddy Krueger (and by extension, me) would have with this fucked up town. 

Cheryl traipsed down Thornhill’s grand staircase, as she’d done a thousand times before. Her bare feet slapped against the old, worn oak. The windows rattled and creaked under a tempestuous midnight rain. Lightning flashed from the east and to the west.

She ran a shaking hand along the banister. The pristine white train of her dress fanned out behind her, like a bridal procession. A cold breeze seeded with dew ripped through the old house. The candelabras in her left hand flickered and guttered and threatened to die. Her whole body shuddered.

The staircase seemed to lengthen. Creeping further down into the inscrutable murk.

Cheryl felt strange and airy, as if she was slinking through a dream. Like she might dissolve into mist, drift away with the wind. There was a deep apprehension in her stomach. Her feet cleared the last two steps of the eternal staircase.

Then she knew why—the coffin sat there, in a pool of moonlight. Silver and shimmering black. Cheryl’s breath hitched in her throat. It was strange and alien and impossible. But it belonged there nevertheless.

The woodwork was so pretty. The black, shining pine. So was the silver banding around the box. It was a beautiful coffin.

Cheryl felt the terror squeeze her throat. She stepped forward. The candelabras tumbled from her hand. It made no sound, even as the heavy iron struck the floor. It melted into nothing, and the lights went out.

She ran her hand over the wood of the coffin. Took a deep breath. She did not know why she had to do this, but she did.

She threw it open—and her brother was not there.

Jason wasn’t there.

The coffin was empty. The fear in Cheryl’s breast flexed its claws and stood and howled. She was possessed by it. She couldn’t move her tongue or her lips. The lid of the coffin was torn, as if by ragged nails. Streaked red.

The silhouette of tumbling raindrops passed over her face, as shafts of moonlight spilled in through the great window.

The wood creaked behind her. She spun around.

And he was there—Jason.

Not as she remembered him. Not healthy and smiling and whole. His eyes were cloudy. Milky. He smelled like water. Like weeds. Like scales and mud and stone. Like a river. Water, murky and dark, dribbled out over his colorless lips. He smiled.

Cheryl wavered on her feet, on the verge of swooning.

“Cheryl…” it was his voice, but then it wasn’t. “Don’t you miss me?” It became gravelly and black, harsh. Like rusting pipes. Simmering coal.

He reached out a pale, rotting hand. It touched her cheek. Only then it wasn’t a hand. It was a glove. It was a claw. Four gleaming knives sprouted from each fingertip. She felt the steel press into her tender cheek. Sharp bite of pain. The claws dragged down, to the curve of her jaw. Warm blood dribbled out over her chin, down her lip.

She screamed so loud it overcame the blast of the thunder and the pounding storm.

And then she shot upright in bed. Awake. Her heart was throwing itself against the walls of her chest, like a wild beast aching to be free. Her eyes were wide and wild. Her red hair was a mess, stuck to her forehead with sweat. Clinging to the shoulder of her night shirt.

She gasped.

Only a dream.

Only a dream.

A horrible, horrible dream.

Cheryl adjusted to the darkness of her bedroom. The familiar trappings—the mirror, her bureau, the canopy of her bed.

Only a dream.

And then she felt it. The sharp, cruel pain in her cheek. The warmth dripping down her neck. The terror returned. She lifted a hand, horrified of what she would find. And there she felt it—along her cheek. Four shallow slashes. Shallow but bloody. Right from the lobe of her ear to her lip. Four slashes.

Where the claw had dug into her flesh.

It wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare.

Or even more than that?

Cheryl did not sleep again that night. Except—just before the sun rose, about an hour before dawn. She slipped back into her dreams again. For only a moment.

In that moment, she was wandering the grounds of Thornhill. But they were empty. Grown over. Weeds ate at the old walls and wound through shattered windows. Fog dripped along the ground.

She called out for someone. Jason. Mother. Father. Anyone.

Her only answer was a song.

It came from nowhere in particular. It was just in the mist and in the weeds. Children’s voices. Distant, right against her ear. Like a nursery rhyme or a schoolyard chant.

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…

[jordnconnor]

NEW ORLEANS PT 1.

TIME FRAME: 29th March 2019, morning. LOCATIONS: Royal Sonesta Hotel & Looking For Alaska set, Louisiana.  DESCRIPTION: Madelaine comes to visit and Jordan takes her to work with him. Ft. @madelame-x

Madelaine: 7:10 AM, and there she was, looking in a mirror and applying the second coat of red lipstick on her face, trying to make sure she didn't go out of line with it with her hands shaking so much. Jordan had told her to meet him down at 7:15, since he had an early morning but got off at about midday, so she had arranged herself to put together an outfit that was proper to go out for lunch and maybe some drinks in the afternoon, but also was appropriate to wear at this time in the morning. A nice tan skirt with a black shirt and a pair of heeled army boots, that would do the trick and make her not look like she was worrying to much. Quick on her feet, the actress pulled her hair back and ruffled it with her fingers while dusting in some dry shampoo for volume and she was out like a rocket, racing to the elevator and wishing he wasn't downstairs waiting for her. He was. Whoops "Hi hi hi, I'm here, I'm sorry it took forever, I didn't know what to wear and- Ugh" She said, ranting as she found her place next to him, a big smile cracking her face now that they were together again "But I'm here now, ready for duty!"

Jordan: Jordan hadn't entirely thought the whole 'taking Madelaine to set' thing through. Only a handful of people knew she was there visiting him, all of them being crew members rather than the actual actors, who he knew he'd have a real swell time trying to explain the situation to. Still, he wanted them to meet her. To show her this new chapter of his life that he was admittedly very excited about. They'd cross the bridge of awkward introductions when it came to it. A little later than they had arranged, Madelaine appeared in the hotel lobby, and he silently reminded himself that next time he'd encourage her to share a room with him so he could hurry her along in the morning. Not like he was mad, though. It was almost impossible to be mad at someone for making you late for work when that someone looked that damn good. "It's cool, I can make the time up on the road. I'm just happy you're coming today. Work just got that little bit more exciting" he assured her, beckoning her out of the door and towards the car park.

Mads: She’d met so many of Travis’ friends when they were together, but this was co-star, these were guys that Jo was gonna see for the next three or four months, so Madelaine was pretty adamant in making a good impression. “Yeah, of course, I wanna be there” She said with a soft smile. She didn’t know how to work around Jordan now that she was out in the clear with her feelings, and he was feeling that too. She wanted to lean up and kiss him, grab his hand, but she needed to hold herself back. Following him towards the car, she slipped in and buckled up “I’m so ready. Are you gonna be working all day today? I can make myself useful or like, scarce. Like I can go and film something? Don’t feel like you need to worry about me” She tried to explain, she wanted to make sure he wasn’t caring after her.

Jordan: Setting off on the short journey to set, Jordan relished leaving the windows rolled down as the Louisiana air was a lot milder than that in Vancouver. It was a welcome change for him that he could leave the house sans his hoodie, although he still rarely did, and the drive to work was only made better by the scenic route that he past daily as they shot on location. "I'm only doing a short scene today, it'll probably take a couple of hours so it's up to you what you wanna do in the mean time. I mean, you can come watch me get my horrific hairstyling done and meet everyone, then it might be nice for you to take a walk around the place? We're shooting around the authors old boarding school, and there's a pretty nice lake right in the middle of it. Makes a change from filming in a backlot. But if you get bored, you can always go in my trailer. I'll give you the keys."

Mads: Madelaine looked at Jordan for a little bit too long when he rolled down the windows and started the car. There was something a little bit special about seeing him driving in total peace, the wind blowing his hair back... There was something special. Madelaine leaned her back against the car and took a deep breath in, running her hand donw her hair “Oh the Bieber hairstyle? I get to see how that gets created? Damn, I’m a lucky girl. But yeah, don’t worry about it, I’ll keep myself occupied. How’s this shoot been for you? I mean, have you started shooting yet or has it just been prep?” Mads asked, looking sideways at him with a small smile.

Jordan: Shaking his head slightly along with the soft chuckle that fell from his lips, Jordan could tell there wouldn't be any living that hairstyle down among his Riverdale castmates for quite some time, and he thanked the lord that he didn't have to look quite so comical on set with them all the time. "Yeah, we've already started shooting. We're on the second episode at the moment, so you've got quite some time for it to come out yet, no digging for spoilers already, a'ite?". Glancing over at Madelaine, Jordan couldn't help but grin at her - the fact she was even here was surreal enough in itself. He had always thought Drew or Vanessa would be the first to come and visit him, but oh how the tables were turning. Ten minutes later, they were pulling into the lot of the old boarding school, and Jordan blitzed through the security they had set up there to lead Madelaine to his first stop of the day - the hair and makeup trailer. Unsurprisingly, Charlie and Jay were already in there - the two whom were playing best friends with a rivalry of sorts with Jordan's character, when in reality, they all got along like a house on fire. Immediately, Jordan went over to the pair with Madelaine in tow. "Should've known you two would need an earlier call-time for the make up team to work on your faces." He quipped, greeting them both with a gentle slap on Jay's back. Then, he noticed theirs eyes graze past him to Madelaine, and so he gestured towards her, eager to get the introductions over with. "This is Mads, obviously." As if he hadn't brought her up in conversation before. "And Mads, this is Charlie and Jay. Or, Pudge and Takumi, should I say?".

Madelaine: Laughing when Jordan spoke about spoilers, Madelaine put her right hand up and crossed her heart, zipping her lips shut and nodding "Girl scout honor, I promise" She added with a serious tone before cracking up "No but seriously, I'm so excited to see what this is all gonna be about and see you doing your thing" She said, nudging his arm gently as he drove. Pulling into the parking lot, the redhead followed suit beside Jordan as they went over to hair and make up, where she officially met two of his cast mates. -Be cool, be nice, don't be awkward, it's just friends- Madelaine repeated in her head as she saw Jordan interact with them and then having eyes fall on her "Hey guys" She said, reaching around Jordan to greet the two boys with a hug and then stepping back "It's good to finally meet the guys who are gonna be spending as much time with Jo as we have... All I have to say is good luck, you're gonna need it" She teased Jordan rolling her eyes back and looking at him sideways, giving him a small wink.

Jordan: Jordan couldn't help but feel a certain kind of glee while watching his castmates interact for the first time - he would always consider Riverdale his proper roots within the business, and the cast his original acting family, so it was nice getting to merge the two together rather than feeling like he had performed a cut and run. Already, they were bantering, of course with him as the butt of the jokes, but that was to be expected considering he was the common 'denominator'. "Yeah, yeah, you all know you'd be lost without me." He retaliated, immediately being dragged into the makeup chair by the stylists for making them wait. "Mads and I are probably going to hit up Bourbon Street for some drinks later, if anyone's down for it? Someone drop Kristine, Sofia and Landry a text so she doesn't have to put up with our asses without more female company". Turning back to Madelaine, with clumps of hair already being dragged across his forehead, Jordan shot her a thumbs up. "Got your back".

Mads: The anxiety of meeting new people and dealing with unknown situations was starting to die down. Make up trailers weren’t something foreign to her, and the people around her were being genuinely nice to her, so as the minutes passed, Madelaine could feel her shoulders dropping and the tension leaving her body. Looking at Jordan as he proposed his friends join them on Bourbon street, the redhead nodded her head and smiled “Yeah, of course, you guys should come! The more the merrier, since I’m stuck with this one the whole weekend” She joked, thumb pointing at Jordan. Winking back at him for the thumbs up, Madeline couldn’t help but smile a little “Thanks, bud. Nice hairstyle we got going on” She teased him, earning a chuckle from the other two guys.

Jordan: After the agreement from the boys, Jordan finally sat still in his chair to let the crew get to work on him, satisfied that he'd set up an evening that would hopefully show Madelaine a good time. He'd be damned if she'd travelled all of this way and went back home with no memories to take from it. He was just about settling down when his hairdresser asked the question that had him writhing in his seat "so this is your girlfriend, Jordan?". Great. He should've expected it, bringing her to work like this, but his voice still managed to crack as he responded, eliciting a quiet snort from Charlie. "No, no, no. Just a friend. A good one. She wanted to come hang for a while. Right, Mads?".

Madelaine: Yeap, there was the question she knew would come, but damn it came a lot sooner than she imagined. Madelaine had been looking down at her phone, scrolling away on Instagram and having her stories at the ready for when Jordan was all Bieber-ed up, but hearing his hair girl ask the question almost had her dropping it screen down. His voice cracked, and she felt hers go a little bit higher than usual "Yeah... Yeah we're friends" She said with a nod, looking from Jordan to the hairdresser "I wanted to come see what this was all about! I've been reading the book to be a supportive friend and I wanted to witness it coming to life" Because coming here just for Jordan was a red flag if she'd ever seen one.

Jordan: Jordan was glad he didn't get into costume until after the hair and makeup or there was a great possibility he'd be sweating into Kevin's clothes right now. Seeing Madelaine squirm along with him almost made up for it, though. At least he wasn't the only one feeling completely awkward about it, but he had to give her kudos for her quick thinking. He was pretty sure she hadn't started reading the book, or she would've told him about it, wouldn't she? Seeing an opportunity to get Madelaine a little more worked up, Jordan shot a smug smile over at her which went unseen by the hair stylist. "Oh you have? What's your favorite part, Mads? I don't think you've told me this before".

Madelaine: What an asshole. What a raging asshole, he was doing this just to wind her up. She was a pretty good liar, she could bullshit her way out of most situations, parking tickets, getting pulled over for speeding, you name it, she's done it. But this, she couldn't get out of this. "Yeah well, started reading it on the plane on my way from Los Angeles last night, didn't really have much time to talk to you about it. Only got into the first chapter, so that's... That part's good" She said with a smile towards him, the smug look on his face making her want to punch him.

Jordan: It was almost impossible not to break into a laugh while watching her struggle, but she managed to pull through without a hitch and Jordan had to inwardly applaud her for it. The hair stylists wrong assumption seemed to have her not wanting to overstep again, so she didn't say much else for the rest of the time that it took to do his hair and powder his face, then he was done and it was time to get into costume. Grabbing the clothing bag which contained all of Kevin's outfit for the scene, Jordan made his way back over to Madelaine and placed a hand on the small of her back. "Come on, I'll show you my trailer" He encouraged, earning a quip from Jay about how he needed to be back for filming in twenty minutes, so they'd better 'hurry'. Jordan knew exactly what he was implying, and figured he'd play up to it, so as they were making their way out the door he threw a response back over his shoulder. "You give me too much credit. I only need five".

Madelaine: The time in the make up trailer went by so quickly after their little wordplay, which made Madelaine feel a little uncomfortable at first, but now she was back in her own skin and she was looking forward to exploring a lot more of what the set of Alaska had to offer. Watching Jordan get up and grab Kevin's wardrobe for the day, Madelaine nodded stepped out of his way for him to leave first, the trailer was far too crowded with her just standing there. Jay's words made her laugh, rolling her eyes at the implications. Boys. The redhead chose to remain silent and laugh a little when she saw Jordan's face saying he only needed five minutes before exiting the trailer. "Five minutes? Looks like you're all talk but no game there, bud" She said, falling into step right next to him "Also, asshole! I've not even started the book, fuck you!"

Jordan: As they made their way towards his trailer, Jordan finally let the shit-eating grin that he was holding back overtake his features once she cursed at him, and he slung an arm over her shoulder to draw her into him. "Ah, don't fret over it, you saved yourself. Couldn't resist making you feel even more uncomfortable. I'll make it up to you". He promised, spinning the keys to his trailer round on his finger before letting them inside. "Welcome to my humble abode, gingey. Make yourself at home. I've just got to get all Kevin'd up". Before everything...before their video, before Vanessa's party, before their confessions, Jordan would have shut himself in the trailer bathroom to get into his costume, but that didn't cross his mind now that they had reached a new level within their...friendship. Hell, he had already stripped down to his boxers infront of her at Nesschella, why should this be any different? With that in mind, he wasted no time in pulling his hoody off from over his head and kicking off his boots, acutely aware of the time slipping out from under him. "So, does that mean you actually plan to read the book then?".

Madelaine: There was a strange feeling when she felt drawn into Jordan's side, biting on her lower lip and sliding her arm around his waist as well, slipping her hand in the middle pocket of his hoodie and looking up at him. The closeness was one thing, but they could've had this in any other time. It was the lack of awkwardness ever since they'd had the talk that made life a lot easier for Madelaine and her mind. Stepping inside the trailer, the redhead couldn't help but look around. It was just like every other trailer, but there were a couple things here and there that made it feel a bit more personal to the character. She threw herself on the couch, feet tucked under her bum and she watched him change, the sight of him stripping to his pants wasn't even something she flinched at or tried to look away "Pretty good looking trailer you've got here bud, I'm glad they're treating you nicely or I would've had to have a talking to" She said with a small smile "Yeah of course... Gotta be supportive, gotta know what you're gonna be talking to me about, you know?"

Jordan: Now that the barrier had been broken down between them, Jordan knew he was going to relish holding Madelaine that little bit closer, and trying his luck with little bursts of affection that he had so desperately been craving since his break up. He had gone from having it all, to getting nothing, so it was an understatement to say it was nice getting to even cuddle into someone again. Hopping on one foot as he haphazardly got out of his pants, Jordan tossed them aside and got into his 'weekday warrior' clothes instead - the whole get up looking far more Reggie Mantle than Sweet pea. "That might just be the cutest non-girlfriend thing ever." He teased, referring back to their conversation with the hair stylist. "Alright, I've got to dash." Moving over to where Madelaine sat, Jordan folded himself over to lean in closer to her, riding a random surge of confidence now that they were alone, spurred on also by the fact he'd admittedly missed her lips. "Think I can get something for good luck?"

Madelaine: Scrolling through her phone and texting her friends while Jordan changed, Madelaine looked at his brand new clothing style and sighed a little bit "You know, I do miss the leather jacket and ripped jeans, the snake tattoos... You suit that vibe a lot more than preppy stud kinda guy" She said with a small laugh, letting herself relax for a moment. How they'd gone from walking on egg shells around each other and beating around the bush to this level of confidence around each other was baffling, it escaped her. "I know, right? I'm just so adorable all the damn time" She said, throwing her phone on her lap and framing her face to try to pull of the most angelical face. Nodding her head when he said he had to dash, Madelaine was just about to say something about exploring and filming some content for YouTube when he got all close and personal with her, and she couldn't help but give him a smile when he asked for a kiss. Her hands went to the edges of his jacket and brought him down to her level, pressing a kiss on his lips and lingering for a little longer than a regular good luck kiss "How's that for luck?" She said with a small smile when she let him go "Go kill it, Kevin, and have fun"

Jordan: He agreed with her to no ends about the costume - Sweets wardrobe felt like a second skin to him, so switching it up was weird, and he missed his fake little switchblade. Still, it wasn't going to prevent him from acting like himself around Madelaine, even while dressed as a stranger. He couldn't help but smile against her lips, and he was sure she'd be able to feel it, so he kept it plastered on even when she pulled away. "I think it kinda had the opposite effect - what are my lines again?" He quipped, straightening up and beginning to head out of the door. "I'd have a lot more fun staying in here, but I'll try. See ya in a bit, Mads. Have fun doing...whatever it is you're going to do".

Madelaine: The little smile that formed on Jordan’s lips when he pulled back from the kiss mimicked her own, and it looked so good on them. They had both been in very long and very committed relationships, and the idea of jumping straight back into another one wasn’t the best one, but she was happy he was on the same page and they had been able to talk about it and now, it felt like the most comfortable thing ever, and Madelaine was very happy about that. “Mhm, better remember them fast or I won’t be allowed back here” She said with a laugh, leaning back down on the couch “I’ll stay here, then maybe go out for some coffee and do some exploring? I promise I won’t get in trouble. I’ll see you when you’re done, Jo” She said, blowing him a kiss from the couch.

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Seahorse (Spencer Reid x Trans Male!Reader) SFW

Summary: Spencer and Y/N have always wanted kids. Here’s the time Spencer was brave enough to broach the subject of how they would go about it. Plus a few more times after that.

AN: @imagining-in-the-margins​ came up with the idea of Spencer’s trans bf having a baby amidst man many many prompts for Spencer x male!reader to indulge my daydreaming and I ran with this prompt.

Thank you to @writing-in-april​ for being my beta on this one! Couldn’t have done it without you, beebs <3

This is the SFW version. Here’s a link to an NSFW version of the story, but do not read that if you are under 18!

Word Count: 5.7k words

Content Warnings: Trans man is pregnant, coming off medication, allusions to Prison!Spencer.

Masterlist // Gif Credit // NSFW Version

The halls echoed with the unbridled joy of little ones calling out “Nemo” and “Dory” at the sight of the clown and surgeon fishes. Spencer bounced on the balls of his feet as he looked around the next room in search of his goal. He stopped when Y/N spared a look in his direction, away from the tank that had captured his attention for a solid five minutes.

“JJ sent me a video of a shrimp solving a Rubik’s Cube the other day.” He grinned.

Ah yes. JJ had also sent Spencer a video of little Henry swinging a mini softball bat about just like Spencer had done. For one game and one game only he had insisted, despite Y/N’s own resolve that he looked hot in the kit.

The walk through the tunnel was the slowest slog Spencer felt, but it was the only attraction in the aquarium to properly distract him. Lights above them filtered through the water, bouncing off the painted walls of the tank in a blue glow. Various species in a perfectly balanced ecosystem swam around one another without a care in the world. A particular stingray flapped its body against the glass, and three children nearby laughed at its funny shaped mouth.

“I used to sit on my mum’s shoulders when we walked through these. Touch the ceiling as if I could pet the fishes.” And Y/N’s hands stretched up over him, his eyes following a shark that slinked overhead, “When I got too old, I’d just press my nose against the glass and stare back.”

Nerves returned at the sight of a circular tank in the centre of the room holding something familiar. Seahorses curled their tails around the plants that waved together like a crowd at a concert. Little babies bobbed about the parents, translucent and wriggly.

Spencer coughed and spoke while Y/N took in the creatures, “Did you know that the seahorse is the only animal where the male carries the children?”

Suddenly his throat was dry; the words he’d been rehearsing dragged to a halt. Y/N turned to face him properly, guiding Spencer to the left as a little girl stood on tiptoe to see the seahorses as he continued to struggle.

“Well, that might not be true actually.” Spencer choked a little on his words, his voice’s volume steadily declining into a soft whisper, “I know that some human men can have babies.”

Y/N’s face clouded with doubt for a moment. Then it clicked and his face cleared, “Spencer, tell me what you’re getting at.”

Spencer twisted his hands around one another, “Have you ever thought about us having kids… biologically?” He watched Y/N’s Adam’s apple dip as he swallowed hard

“You mean like me being pregnant?”

“Yes, have you considered it an option for us?”

The conversations of other aquarium patrons were forgotten as Y/N took his gaze away from Spencer. His eyebrows were low as he considered his words carefully. Y/N always thought about the implications of what he was saying, maybe a little too much. Spencer could be biased though; his impatience did not mix well with his anxieties.

Eventually, Y/N turned back with a brave face and said, “I’d have to think about it some more.”

“Ok.” Spencer nodded, his chin wobbling a little.

There was hope though: he needed to think “some more”. Implying Y/N had thought about this before.

Near the end of their trip, Spencer did find himself in a staring contest with a little seahorse plushie with large eyes and an anatomically inaccurate tongue hanging out. In all honesty, it was kind of ugly.

“Spencer, come on. You know how I get around stuffed animals.”

How empathetic his boyfriend really was, projecting feelings of love onto the inanimate objects then making the excuse that he had to buy it now.

Spencer did have to leave the toy behind though. Out into the sunlight of the parking lot, he winced before he put his sunglasses back on.

“Park?” Y/N offered his hand and smiled. It was an olive branch, something to say that Spencer’s query had not ruined their day out together.

Spencer accepted and squeezed his hand. “Park.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Y/N had a hand on their lower belly, some space between the fingers as if there was an invisible bump there to accommodate. His head had tilted while he thumbed over the air.

As drowsy as Spencer was from work, his mind was focused without a distraction on what he had seen through the ajar bathroom door. He could barely pay attention to the Doctor Who episode Y/N put on. In fact, he doubted anything could take his attention away from the idea of having a child with-

“What do you think about me being pregnant?”

Spencer’s eyes shot wide open, then they were covered slightly by his inquisitive eyebrows in his attempt find an answer. Especially with Y/N looking on him while he waited for him.

“I think you’d be so beautiful carrying our baby. But if you wouldn’t be comfortable, then I wouldn’t make you. We still have surrogacy, fostering, adoption to consider,” was his answer. Never a lie, but the truth was always softened.

Seemingly satisfied, Y/N looked back at the episode. But Spencer couldn’t wait anymore, forgetting about anything else in the world except for this.

“What do you think, Y/N?” His body leant in towards his boyfriend’s.

Squirming in their spot on the couch, Y/N hummed before he answered, “I froze some of my eggs before I started my transition. I also sold some, for a down payment on a house or my wedding.”

Spencer’s heart thrilled at the possibilities. A house together? Matching suits at their wedding? He almost neglected to think about the fact that pregnancy was suddenly a very viable option for their future.

Regardless of Spencer’s many, many thoughts, Y/N continued, “And I thought that perhaps, if I found the right person, I would like to carry their child.” His palm opened up to him and Spencer instantly took it. “I know you’re the right person, but I’m not sure I want a baby now.”

“Of course,” Spencer lifted Y/N’s hand to his lips, “Whenever we’re both ready.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer pushed the dirty bedsheets into the washing machine; it wasn’t that big a deal. If the blood didn’t come out, then they could always buy a new set. Although they should really be saving money for decorating the nursery.

“Spenceerrrr.”

As the machine rumbled into life, Spencer returned to Y/N, curled up on the sofa with a heat pad to his gut. No amount of warnings from their doctor could have prepared Spencer for how emotionally straining it was to see his boyfriend suffering. Y/N was taking this a lot harder than Spencer – and rightfully so, it was his body that was changing.

“Why did I have to have such strong paternal instincts?” He grumbled with his eyes still closed.

Spencer let out a laugh, but it was cut off quick when Y/N whimpered loudly. He knelt down before him and cupped his face. Y/N’s cheeks were warm; his hands clung to Spencer’s wrists like a lifeline.

“What do you need?” Spencer asked softly and Y/N sighed, keening into his cooler palms.

“Can you tell me I’m handsome please?”

“You are the most handsome man in the world, and I adore you every minute of every day.” Spencer kissed Y/N’s pouting lips gently, “Handsome inside and out, I never wanna think about life without you. You just make everything in my life better.”

His fingers moved to brush away a tear that slipped down Y/N’s face and over the ridge of his nose. But he missed and it dripped onto the pillow.

“You’re doing so much for us, for our baby.”

“It’s not even real yet,” Y/N sniffled. His hands finally released Spencer and pressed the heat pad into him.

“It’s gonna be.” Spencer bumped their noses together, “We’re gonna be dads.”

A hoarse laugh met with a hint of a groan in Y/N’s chest, “Yeah. We’re gonna be dads.” That sound and those words were all Spencer needed to feel better. But he wished the same could be said for Y/N. The only thing he could provide was a promise of future relief:

“How about we order in tonight?”

“Ugh, yes.” Y/N burrowed his face into the pillow.

When their bed was made up properly, Spencer and Y/N cuddled together. Unfortunately, Y/N was restless, trying to find a comfortable position while his painkillers kicked in. Spencer kept his complaints to himself, allowing himself to be shifted around in Y/N’s hunt for relief. Honestly it was the least he could do.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“The reproductive process begins when a male and a female seahorse do daily pre-dawn dances, intertwining their tails and swimming together.”

“Well, it’s nearly nine, so definitely past dawn.”

“I’m trying to be romantic, Y/N.”

Y/N adjusted the bed sheets around his middle, “We don’t have tails either and - if I remember correctly - your last sexy swimming encounter ended poorly.”

Spencer flushed at the memory of Lila in the pool; another memory turned the pink to red. Y/N had laughed so hard his gut ached when Spencer told him about how awkward he had been around Lila. This was before the context of the case had been disclosed, promptly removing the space for any more laughter.

“Baby?”

Y/N was touching his face. Spencer’s head emptied itself of all thoughts of Lila. This was not what he wanted to be thinking about right now. Y/N’s laughter maybe, but none of the rest.

Tucking a curl behind his ear, Y/N leant in close, “If I’m ready, and you’re ready, you know what happens.” His eyes wandered down Spencer’s face, “And it’s not swimming together.”

But, just as their lips were about to touch, Y/N jerked away from him. “Wait, I gotta brush my teeth first.”

Spencer moaned with indignation while falling backwards onto the bed as Y/N disappeared from view. A few seconds later, he heard the electric toothbrush buzzing. With a burst of energy, he stripped himself down to his underwear – a petty way to get back at Y/N who had made it very clear that undressing Spencer was one of his favourite parts of their sex life.

When Y/N returned, with the minty freshness he apparently desired more than his own boyfriend, he said “What? You already did this morning?”  His eyes looked down at Spencer’s chest and his lips twitched into a pout.

Spencer held back his grin, keeping his triumph at retaliation to himself as he said, “I wouldn’t have minded.”

“That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard, Spencer.”

And with that, Y/N crawled onto the bed, over Spencer’s body and kissed him silly. He did much more than that, enjoying their overlapping day off to the fullest before even leaving their home.

At ten to ten, sleepwear scattered about the bedroom floor, Spencer and Y/N sagged into the mattress, wrapped up in each other and the covers. The burning warmth of their bodies drew up two soporific smiles on their faces.

“You know, a seahorses’ body shape means that they’re inept swimmers, and they can actually die of exhaustion.”

Y/N poked Spencer’s sternum. “Is that your way of makin’ fun of my stamina? Give me a few minutes; I’ll be on you like a rash.”

Grinning at such a prospect, Spence continued, “They also mate for life monogamously.”

He felt two fingers touch his cheek, "Spencer, I love you and your endless fountain of knowledge.” Y/N paused to peck the corner of his lips, “But I’m not actually a seahorse. And, though I do plan to mate with you for life, if you wake me up before the sun is above the horizon for a ‘dance’, I'm gonna suffocate you with my new body pillow.”

“Oh, you got your pillow?”

“It’s en route.” Hence why Y/N was content to use Spencer in lieu of said pillow.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

When Spencer disclosed to Hotch that he would need some time off because he and Y/N were considering having a kid, first thing on a Monday morning, Hotch didn’t let anything on. There was a hint of a hint of a smile though. His eye wandered to the school photo of Jack he kept on his desk, and he was greeted with the memory that Jack almost shared a name with Emily’s cat.

Naturally, Rossi found out next. Technophobe Spencer Reid had left his computer screen on a website for baby blankets, and Rossi had been the one to pass by first. After turning the monitor off, Rossi took Spencer aside in the break room and spoke about how wonderful it was that he was going to be a father. Then he kissed both his cheeks, leaving with misty eyes and a smile that he wouldn’t explain to Penelope passing by. Spencer blinked then finished making his coffee.

The next conference room meeting – the same day and just for an update on the paperwork deadline - Spencer simply decided to drop the information that he and Y/N were planning on having a kid as if it was his thoughts on their next unsub’s motivations were.

Three seconds of silence later and an uproar exploded.

From then on, the week was filled with pokes and ribbing at his upcoming parenthood. A peek into the future.

After making her a cup of coffee, Spencer sat opposite JJ at her desk and asked for advice. Her response: offering Spencer the opportunity to babysit Henry more. Obviously he accepted; more time with his godson was always a good thing. Then she went into how parenting was just a natural thing that he would know when the time came. Not very reassuring on its own, but with his best friend’s support, Spencer felt a smidgen better.

Penelope admitted that she had saved outfit ideas on Pinterest for Spencer – among other members of the BAU. When Spencer dared to enter her lair, she showed him several. Apparently that wasn’t even a dent in her collection, and she had already placed an order on a little bow tie. Spencer left before she tried to organise a shopping trip; neither Spencer nor Y/N were really fans of retail therapy.

Derek was teasing away, “Spencer and Y/N are gonna be baby daddies.” And every single time, Emily would join in. She liked to claim she was the reason Spencer was having a kid, reminding him of when JJ was pregnant. He had been incredibly weirded out by the baby kicking, but Emily had asked if he had considered having “baby geniuses” and he never gave an answer.

To be fair, Spencer never could have seen this coming. That made it all the better.

Apart from when Derek began supplying a realm of baby names, that varied from “oh that’s actually cute” to “oh my god, why would you even consider that a name for a real child?” Spencer was happy to rank them aloud for him.

The cat was only half out of the bag though.

Now Spencer had always been affectionate when he and Y/N were together. But the second it spilled into their public lifestyle, Y/N knew something was afoot. He was quick to pick up on this when he went to collect Spencer up for a chilled date night and Spencer kissed his cheek in clear view of the entire bullpen.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t wait, but I do have my paternity leave arranged!”

The team swarmed to deliver their congratulations. And it was then that they revealed that they all thought that Spencer and Y/N were planning to adopt or look for a surrogate. Their embraces didn’t spoil the unexpected second part of their announcement; Y/N looked like he’d simply put on a few pounds rather than gained a baby bump beneath his button-up. Naturally, there was even more of a hubbub than before when they discovered that Y/N was already pregnant.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 “Spencer, baby, you gotta calm it with the ocean theme.”

“But…” he pouted, holding up the finished mobile. Brightly painted sea creatures and chunks of coral dangled delicately in a circle. Sure enough, there were orange seahorses hovering about their habitat.

“It’s very sweet and I adore you for it,” Y/N kissed Spencer. “Not everything has to be related to seahorses though.”

“I guess not.” Spencer’s defeated tone did not last long. His face brightened and he whipped a blanket adorned with little seahorses and bubbles at the edges out of the cot. “But - this online store was taking commissions, and you always say support small businesses!”

Thank god Y/N had been the one in charge of painting the walls. An underwater mural would have been a step too far.

“You, Doctor Spencer Reid, are so…” Y/N’s hands were up in the air between them, searching for an adjective to describe Spencer appropriately. Then he settled those hands on his shoulders and Y/N kissed him.

When they drew away, Spencer spoke, “I’m so what?”

Y/N shrugged, “Just so.” He kissed him again, lingering longer than before and smiling as Spencer’s hands touched the obtrusive roundness of his belly that pressed into Spencer’s stomach. They were so close to meeting their little bubba.

“So are you.”

“Ok, don’t have a go, I bought this before the ban,” Y/N held out a gift, wrapped in sea-green tissue paper and bearing a blue bow.

Folding the blanket neatly over the bars of the cot, Spencer eagerly yet daintily unwrapped the present. As the tissue paper fell to the carpet, his hands trembled.  Eyes shining, he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the latest scan that was framed by tiny seahorses to thank Y/N.

There was more still, as Y/N explained, “There’s another behind there. I’ve seen the state of the one in your wallet.”

“It got caught at the bottom of the pouch,” Spencer said quietly, unbending the catch on the back of the frame. Sure enough, two of the same photographs spilled into his waiting palm. Truth be told, Spencer had already taped his torn photo together again and it was going to stay in his wallet. This spare would be in the post soon, on its way over to his mother. God, she was so excited to hold a baby again. The photo album would have to do for now.

“Could you maybe recant the ocean ban? Because I saw this and I knew it would really go well with the blanket and the mobile.”

Sighing, Y/N’s head tilted back, “What is it?”

The pretence of annoyance couldn’t be maintained towards Spencer’s face beaming back at him as he held up a wonky looking seahorse plushie. It wasn’t the same one he’d seen before. Some heartfelt child had taken pity on that one and given it a forever home. No, this was a perfect little present for his bubba.

Y/N thought so too as he let a grin settle onto his face.

“Ok, we can keep this one. But no more from now, alright?”

“I suppose. Besides, our baby isn’t our seahorse. You are!”

“You better not buy us a fish tank for my birthday.” A spike of nerves hit Y/N when he couldn’t quite catch Spencer’s eye to confirm his word. “Spencer? Promise me... Spencer!”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 “How are you feeling, Baby Daddy?” Derek hugged Y/N who was reclined in his bed. His body pillow propped him up for his visitors.

Y/N wrinkled his nose, “For once, I wish I was a real seahorse and I could have just sneezed her out.”

Katia Nikola Reid definitely looked like she’d been sneezed on when she first entered the world, screaming her teaspoon-sized lungs out. Named after a hero of both Y/N and Spencer, one day old, bundled in a blanket, she scowled at Spencer’s dopey face looming over her while Emily held her tight.

A hoard of presents huddled in the corner of Spencer and Y/N’s bedroom. Emily thought it’d be a great idea to bring the baby an Ikea shark that was bigger than the child – and would definitely take up around half of her cot.

“She’s already got him wrapped around her pinky finger.”

“Yes, she does,” Spencer agreed giddily.

Next, Derek took her in his arms, untucking her arms from the blanket swaddle to give her a fist bump. He swayed her about the room while Katia relaxed a little more. The deep humming in his chest soothed the wrinkles on her forehead. Katia stretched as if to touch his face, and her mouth gaped at him.

“Aww, baby genius is ready for a nap.” Derek yawned too, “Who’s gonna micromanage me while I put her down?”

“Me! Me!” Y/N said, his enthusiasm muted by tiredness. Spencer leapt to his side, helping him out of bed, his teammates watching fondly as he did so. Y/N was allowed out the room first, Derek close behind and clicking his tongue at little Katia.

“She’s so sweet,” Emily said, her eyes on the pair’s backs and the dangling loose blanket from under Derek’s left arm. “I’m so happy for you both.” And she hugged Spencer tight; Emily always gave such good hugs. Good thing she was going to be around to give plenty to his daughter.

Then, down the hall, he heard Derek say with sarcastic resignation, “Oh Spencer, I thought Y/N was kidding when he said no more seahorse themed items.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Y/N ended up climbing into the bathtub with Katia. Even as she had grown into her chubby features, looking more and more like him and Spencer with each passing day, she was still so small.

Sitting up with her in his lap to help her out, Y/N lowered her into the warm water. His fingers tenderly rubbed the blackcurrant scented soap on her tummy, copying her expression as her tongue poked out between her gums. Her jerking legs rejected the water that Y/N’s hands cupped to rinse the bubbles off.

“Oh!” Y/N said in surprise as Katia sneezed, “Bless you.”

He heard the front door go, but he let Spencer follow the clues to their bathroom. Sure enough, the Doctor soon entered with his jacket shed, already rolling his sleeves up as he dropped onto the bathmat. A hand curled at Y/N’s chin as he kissed him before it stroked over the damp wisps of hair on Katia’s head.

“Hello. Hi.” His voice was that bit more delicate as he caught Katia’s eye and welcomed her big gappy smile.

Y/N tilted his head towards Spencer. “Good day?”

“I missed you both.” Spencer swished the water around by Katia’s side, “Isn’t it incredible how she’s experiencing all of this for the first time?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Spencer giggled away as the surrounding bathwater yellowed and Katia flapped her arms.

“Mind your language.” He said without any weight to his warning, “Our little girl can’t help it.” Then he stood and prepared her towel, a deep-sea blue that brought out her eyes. “Can I feed her tonight?”

“Of course, baby,” Y/N agreed as he lifted Katia out of the tub, where Spencer caught her and bundled her up with skilled speed. As he dried her off, Katia cooed away to herself. She did get a little pissed off when he dressed her up in a clean nappy and a sleepsuit, but Spencer couldn’t take her crumpled expression seriously without the tears.

The rocking chair had to be one of his best investments for his daughter’s room. It soothed Katia from the darkest of tantrums, a familiarity that swayed her. She fit so perfectly into Spencer’s arms and he fit so contentedly into the seat. Her eyelashes fluttered slowly shut as she drank more milk.

Not quite strong enough to sit up on her own, Katia leant fully into Spencer’s hand while he burped her – thankfully not for long. Then it was off into her cot.

Y/N watched him from the doorway as Spencer stroked the apple of Katia’s cheek while she drifted off into slumber. An effortless smile danced on his lips even as he switched the lamp off and welcomed Y/N over to see their sleeping babe.

“Love seeing you with her, Old Daddy Spencer teaching her everything she’ll need to know.” The kiss that followed was certainly not appropriate for their daughter’s nursery, so he took Y/N by the hand, leading him into the hallway. Even then, between the short pecks that pressed against his lips, Y/N continued to talk, “Is this how you felt while I was pregnant?”

Breath hot against his face, Spencer swallowed hard while Y/N said, “Seeing my handsome boyfriend carrying our child? I think I get it now.”

His hand slipped up Spencer’s shirt. It was crystal clear what his intentions were. Spencer was already close to panting when he pulled Y/N flush against him. With more desperation this time, they fumbled around their home until they made it to their bed. Spencer’s hands aligned with the stretch marks on Y/N’s thighs as he grabbed them and pulled him on top.

He huffed as Y/N’s teeth tugged and released his bottom lip, “We have to be quiet.”

“I can be quiet.” Y/N ripped off his shirt in one smooth movement, “Can you?”

Spencer couldn’t give an answer. Instead he pulled Y/N back against him as they fell onto their sheets.

Their first time in months, it didn’t last very long, but it was exactly what they needed.

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 The biggest surprise of the evening was that Rossi put down his drink to hold Katia. To be fair though, he had already had a few. Hence why he was singing and dancing around the garden with Katia in his arms. What a sight to behold, it eased the pain of Derek and Hotch’s absence, their own kids to take care of now.

Eventually Rossi relented, allowing Penelope to take Katia, turning to Y/N who had kept a watchful eye on his actions, “Promise me you’ll bring her over when she’s allowed to eat food.”

“I can’t give her your food for her first taste. She’ll be disappointed for the rest of her life,” Y/N joked, Rossi letting out a boisterous laugh that made Katia giggle in turn.

Penelope got to hold Katia next and show her off to Henry who was very intrigued to learn more about his godsister – Spencer told him that was who Katia was and it stuck. Henry became Penelope’s little shadow until they found a seat for him and a cushion for his lap to hold the baby. His joy unbridled at such a responsibility was adorable. He posed for many photos, while Katia for once stayed quiet.

Spencer was tired but the best kind of tired. A night in with friends, watching his boyfriend and his daughter be welcomed as much as he was, it wasn’t a surprise but it was always a delight. And this moment right now, Y/N cradling Katia’s with one hand squeezing her little foot before he planned to take her into Rossi’s office? What a life they had cultivated together. As he sipped his drink, the bliss in his tummy was not doused by it.

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Slouching on the sofa, Spencer watched with tired eyes as Katia stumbled in the room, her hands held in Y/N’s while she waddled between his legs. Her round face lit up at the sight of Spencer. Her pace increased beyond her abilities and Katia swung forward a little as she almost fell over.

“Oh dear,” Y/N cooed while Katia got back to her unstable feet. “That’s it, there we go.”

Spencer wished he had the energy to properly appreciate this moment, especially since both his boyfriend and their daughter were grinning like they shared a secret.

Katia dropped down onto her nappy-cushioned bottom then began to crawl over to Spencer’s feet. His hands, although dirty, rough and near ruined, accepted her offer and lifted Katia up into his lap. They stayed for safety around her middle, keeping her sat up straight as she looked on him with those big eyes. Eyes that were fresh and untainted copies of his own.

Y/N sat down beside Spencer, leaning in close to Katia so he caught her attention, “Hey, why don’t you show your Daddy what we’ve been practicing?”

Looking away from both her Dads, Katia drooled and pushed her fist in her mouth. Y/N waved until he and Spencer were back into her line of sight.

“Go on, sugar plum.” He pointed to Spencer, “Who’s that?” And he mouthed the answer to her.

“Dadadadadada.”

It was barely above a whisper. But her little grin, the top of a tooth poking out of the centre of her bottom gums, the way Katia looked at Spencer when she said it? A soft “oh” fell from Spencer’s lips and he clutched her close, her chubby arms barely reaching around his neck. His breath shaking out of him, he kissed the thick thatch of hair that had sprouted in his absence. He could feel Katia whispering “Dadadadada!” again.

“That’s me, Katia, I’m your Dada.” He sniffed back the sting in his eyes at the absolute proof that, in his time away from her, she had remembered him. When he moved away, placing Katia back into his lap, he closed his eyes as Katia’s scrabbling fingers rubbed across the tip of his nose.

Katia made a sudden attempt to stand, throwing her entire bodyweight towards Spencer. Spencer’s breath was snatched from his lungs and the tension remained even after he caught her with ease.

“You ok?” Y/N said and Spencer noticed that his hand was supporting his against Katia.

Spencer nodded weakly, “Hmm, you?”

“Better now.” Y/N let his hand go and began rubbing Spencer’s back in the same circular motions that Spencer rubbed Katia’s.

A tug snagged Spencer’s head to the left and he tutted as Katia grabbed at his cheek, “Ow, Katia, no.”

Instead, Katia took a fistful of the next thing she could find, which was Spencer’s hair, and she cried out an identical (if higher pitched) “Ow!”

“You hurt Spencer, not the other way around, Katia. Stop faking.” Y/N scolded playfully.

But Katia repeated Spencer’s outburst again, “Ow!”

Y/N lifted Katia’s little fist from Spencer’s hair, and it immediately clamped down on Spencer’s finger as an alternative to wave about.

Spencer kissed her hand, still so tiny and forgiving against his. He looked at Y/N, blinking fast as he half-heartedly said, “She’s so like you.”

The lock of hair Katia had yanked on curved around Y/N’s touch as he put it back into the disarray of fluff that stood around Spencer’s head, “That’s funny, because I think she’s so like you.”

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Tilting the pram onto its back wheels, Spencer pushed it up the step and into the aquarium tunnel. Katia lay back in her seat while gumming on her blanket corner. Her eyes were ready to take in the sights.

Y/N knelt before her, suffering a few kicks to his knees from Katia’s excitement. Her pram clips were undone. Little Katia was released into her Daddy’s arms then plonked up onto his shoulders. Her starfish-like hands pressed up against the glass. Her mouth became as wide as her eyes as she pointed at the stingray rippling past. She had seen fish before (Carl and Rosalind at home) but never like this.

“Yeah, that’s a ray, Katia,” Y/N rubbed his fingers over her back, his hands still to keep her steady.

Spencer pointed his finger right next to hers, “They use their electro-sensors, not their eyes, to find their meals which consists of shrimps, clams, and -”

Katia shrieked – interrupting his and she smacked her hands against the glass. No one seemed to mind though. Some patrons in the tunnel even chuckled at her behaviour. Like she needed any more encouragement, especially with Y/N grinning up at her and tickling her sides to elicit more laughter from his daughter.

When Spencer’s hand dropped, Katia shouted again. A little confused, he returned it and Katia took his finger in her hand then began dragging the tip across where the ray was.

“She wants it as a pet, what do you say, baby?”

“I thought you said not to get you any fish for your birthday.”

Eventually Katia was returned to the pram. Her head was thrown back to watch the rest of the tunnel go by. Then she hid her face in her blankie once they were out in the last few exhibits. There was a little tug of war to get her to let it go (she was a lot stronger than Y/N gave her credit for) and see the one other exhibit that both parents were invested in.

Taking her hand again, Spencer squatted beside the pram. “Hey look, the men seahorsies have the babies. They’re just like your Daddy.”

“Your favourite Daddy,” Y/N ruffled Spencer’s hair while Spencer pretended to be outraged. Katia caught onto the dramatic expression Spencer was wearing and copied him with a gasp added for good measure.

“What d’you reckon, any of these were babies when we went to visit last time?”

“Well, Y/N, the lifespan of these seahorses is approximately a year. So they could be.” He knew it was unlikely but, for the sake of the smiles on Y/N’s and Katia’s face, Spencer let it be.

[hellotherepaula]

The Eerie Nostalgia of HBO’s Chernobyl

by Paula DuPont

Photo Source: HBO

“Nostalgia” isn’t quite the word to explain the feelings that bubble up watching Chernobyl, but I can’t put my finger on how to describe it. “Eerie,” at least, hits the mark. "Chilling,” too. And while I’m not experiencing the sentimental yearning of traditional nostalgia, I’m definitely feeling something as I watch these thoroughly Soviet characters interact against the backdrop of the Cold War in the 1980s.

Real talk, I was alive for the Chernobyl disaster. I don’t remember it, but not because I was too young to remember it, rather because I was too young to care about a disaster an entire world away in a place I had never heard of, full of people I was simplistically taught were the bad guys.

I was born at a peculiar intersection of Generation X and Millennials, old enough to have experienced the Cold War as both an abstract concept and a very real presence in everyday life. I knew Russians were the “enemy” because Communism was evil, but I didn’t know why or what Communism was, and I wasn’t particularly afraid of Russia.

Photo Source: HBO

At 20, I met a boy the same age as me who had fled Poland with his parents after his father, a farmer, had been imprisoned for six months by the Soviets for, as he told it, not using Party workers. He was four at the time. 

As an adult, my Polish friend didn’t seem to hold any particular animus against Russians, and we spent most of our time in each other’s company at 80s night at a local nightclub—the irony of which has only just become obvious to me—so that period can’t have traumatized him too badly. We were of an age that even for those of us who lived it first hand, Soviet Communism seemed abstract and unreal.

Which is why it’s easy to get lost in the window dressing of Chernobyl and feel that eerie nostalgia I referenced above.

Photo Source: HBO

The perms and belted shirt dresses on Jessie Buckley as Lyudmilla Ignatenko, the wife of firefighter Vasily Ignatenko, and Emily Watson as Ulana Khomyuk, a fictional Belarusian nuclear physicist, were familiar staples for my mother. I have a very clear image in my mind’s eye of my mom in a blue frock similar to something Emily Watson wears in the second episode, a dress with an open neck and wide lapels. My mom’s hair is about the color of Emily Watson’s, and she’s permed and styled it so it falls to just below her shoulders in loose curls, just like Emily Watson’s, too. 

This image in my mind comes from a photograph I took of my mother with a toy Kodak camera, less than a year after she bought our first home. We’d left my father about four years prior. In the photo, my mother is smiling, looks joyous. Though thinking back, I can’t imagine the burden she was under, taking care of me on her own, constantly staving off an abusive ex who would try time and again to win custody, caring for her own elderly mother who was in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s.

This was less than two years after the Chernobyl disaster and more than 18 months before the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Photo Source: HBO

But I didn’t know anything about that. I was enjoying our new home and our new backyard, the recent acquisition of both a bellwether for a puppy. He’s in the photo with my mom, too.

So I don’t recognize Chernobyl for the actual events I see playing out on my television, because I didn’t become aware of those until much later. I was familiar with the word “Chernobyl,” because you couldn’t be alive and aware at the time and not hear it said, but it sounded foreign to my tiny, American ears. There were far more interesting things to focus on, like that puppy I mentioned, and the kitten that was soon to follow, and Rainbow Brite, and the NES I was saving my birthday money for.

What feels so familiar about Chernobyl is everything else: the striped polyester ties worn by all of the party officials and by every deacon at the church we went to when I was six; the thick plastic rims of the aviator glasses worn by Jared Harris playing nuclear scientist Valery Legasov and by my uncle who was working in Mission Control at NASA during the same period; the laminate tabletops that mirror every surface I ate off of until I was 16; the thick, gold brocade upholstery that is so similar to the curtains that were already hanging in our house when we moved in, curtains that were nicer than anything we could afford and so were still hanging when we moved out over 10 years later.

Photo Source: HBO

I can smell Chernobyl, too, in those smoke-filled rooms where men discuss closing the roads and cutting the phone lines to “avoid spreading misinformation.” It smells like visits to my father’s house, the air thick with Winston 100′s cigarettes—though the men in Chernobyl are likely sipping vodka from shot glasses rather than Scotch whisky from cut tumblers.

I almost wrote that I’ve never experienced anything like the Chernobyl disaster, but I have, in my own way: I lived in New Orleans when the levees failed after Hurricane Katrina. Unlike the residents of Pripyat, Ukraine, the city nearest the Chernobyl plant, we were eventually able to return to our homes and our city, but for a time we thought we had lost everything, not just our houses and our belongings and even some friends, but lost New Orleans itself. So the immediate uncertainty, the evacuation, the sense of being lied to or at least not hearing the whole story, I recognize that, too. 

It all feels so familiar to me, so close, even though I’ve lived a life a world away. Every episode is accompanied by sickly waves of nostalgia; I am left dazed by the feeling of déjà vu.

Chernobyl does not exist only in the past, though. It is alive in the remembrance of those who died when men in power attempted to suppress the truth. It is alive in the minds of those who lived it, those who survived it, those who can never return.

[charlie-and-yoshi-rp-hell]

Episode 46 Part 3: Mirror Maze

Mirrors show who you really are... or maybe it is all just an illusion.

(I know it´s been a very long time since something was posted here. I either forgot it, or had no time. Sorry. But I try to post the rest of our RP adventure as soon as I can. - Yoshi)

Charlie McCarthey: Something bad. And big, yeah. Lewis rumbled, the snarling picking up as he guided them more carefully than ever toward the epicenter.

We should detach. That was the only warning Arthur was given before Lewis set him on the ground and darted from his body. The purple smoke colaesced into his skeleton form, sockets narrowed. his entire body was tense, every hair radiating a strange aggression as he looked around.

Lewis couldn't help it. Some inner drive was pushing it--something deep-seated in him felt threatened by the sheer prescance of another sin.

Yoshi Raven: The lack of warmth in his chest didn´t feel good for a second but it went back to normal quickly. Arthur took Lewis hand and squeezed it slightly.

"It´s okay, calm down Lew. Please. If we jump on the sin without caution it might get worse. We don´t want another Naga desaster, right?" he mumbled, voice calm and soothing while he leaned against him in an attempt to put him on a more calm level.

Charlie McCarthey: Glowing purple eyes flickered between him and the area. His shoulders relaxed with a twitch, listening to those gentle words. Lewis grumbled a bit, hesitant to let his guard down more, but at least the constant low growling had stopped.

No. We don't. He knew he didn't have to tell Arthur to stay close. Lewis turned in a half circle, studying the directions with more than juse his five senses. This way. He kept his hand tight around Arthur's smaller one, and hovered off the ground a fraction.

Yoshi Raven: "Good ghost." he whispered, glad that Lewis was clever enough to listen to his advice.

Arthur followed him, his free hand searching for the chalk in his pocket. Good, it was there, he didn´t forget it.

It had turned into a habit that he was always carrying a piece of chalk in his pocket. It had saved them more than once.

"Well? Is the sin close?" he asked quietly.

Charlie McCarthey: Lewis just stormed forward a little faster, leaning into whatever trail he was catching. A thought hit him before he realized how alien it should have been. How fucking dare a brother be so bold to set up shop near hi--wait, what?

Lewis had turned a corner and halted quickly. He straightened up, all threatening countance snapped from his face to leave a confused curious look as he surveyed the area. Any thoughts of brother or anger over his territory being impeded on melted like a snowball in his hand, and he blinked, twisting his skull like a dog would to better hear something. His hair fluttered.

A... fun house? Even in the dark, its cheery colors seemed to glow. The ghost grunted in askance and turned to Arthur for his input.

Yoshi Raven: Arthur had problems following since he was not bound to a body that needed air but finally he stopped. He was catching his breath and glared at Lewis.

"Don´t forget... I´m still human, Lew - eh? Wait, why is this thing standing here?" he asked while inspecting the fun house. Arthur walked closer - and the sign over the door said Garden of mirrors.

".... Lewis, I guess we´ll solve this case without Vivi and Mystery this time. This is the... uh.. mirror maze the policeman told us about!"

Charlie McCarthey: Oh, sorry. Lewis muttered, ducking his head sheepishly as he followed on the human's heels.

The line went cold. Well. Not cold but--something's holding it back. Ghosts can't just stop their aura. Lewis paused, eyes darkening. But Envy could. He reminded grimly, eyeing the sign that boasted 'Open!.'

...wait--you're not going in there! Without the strange instinct clouding his mind, Lewis could think rationally. And a little fearfully.

Yoshi Raven: "Why not? I have you by my side, the spells I carved into my left arm so we can take a look, right?"

Arthur walked into the maze - and hundreds of reflections of himself appeared on the mirrors when he stepped inside.

"Whoa.... this is amazing. And probably the reason it´s so difficult to find the exit. Come on Lewis, let´s take a look!" he called and moved through the hallway carefully, bumping into a mirror then and now. It was really difficult not to get lost.

Charlie McCarthey: Lewis' glare swung over every inch, but he followed Arthur obediantly. As a ghost, his own reflection was soft and slightly see through--no matter how real his skeleton form was or looked. These many mirrors was making him feel a little edgy, and he grumbled anxiously, feeling something between his shoulder blades prickle. When he was alive it was hairs on the back of his neck--what were these strange sensations--about two of them it felt like, rising off his bones?

Arthur... Lewis kept his warning voice low. Don't take too many turns otherwise-- Lewis looked around. Arthur? Where are you?

Yoshi Raven: "Hmm? I´m here! Hey, you´re right behind me - " A low thump and a curse from Arthur proofed he was not right in front of Lewis. "Wait... what?" The mechanic took a step forwards and tried to touch Lewis - but he just touched the cold surface of a mirror. Lewis could see the confusion on every mirror image of Arthur.

"Damn it, I get lost in a mirror maze. Good job brain, really. Don´t worry, I´ll make markings with the chalk if I make a turn so - just follow them as soon as you find one."

He took the chalk and drew a small arrow on the floor, then walked around a corner - and the reflections of Arthur disappeared. He was too far away from Lewis now.

Charlie McCarthey: Oh for the love of--I have a better idea. Turning intangible, the ghost switfly shot through the walls--ending the illusion and destroying the confusion for himself. He found Arthur, tracking him by his aura, because at least a mirror couldn't replicate that.

Ghost, remember? He said cheekily as he pulled from an oblong mirror, landing on the floor and sticking his chest out. It never occured to Lewis that tresspassing worked both ways--and he had just distrupted the mirror effect.

Something purple eyed and mean looking shifted below the floors, spreading itself angrily as it started to awaken.

C'mon. This is definitly a case we'll need the whole gang for, Artie. We can come back tomorrow.

Yoshi Raven: "Ohh... right, ghost powers. I almost forgot. Good boooy." Arthur grinned and patted his head.

"Well we might need Vivi and Mystery too, but I still wanna take a look at this place. We might find something useful - remember this is not locked so visitors could destroy important evidence. Now, let´s go deeper into the maze."

Arthur didn´t wait for an answer and just walked into the other direction. He looked at his reflection then and now and - he wasn´t one that thought "I´m awesome" very often but seeing his well-made mechanical arm, it made him feel proud of his skills as a mechanic.

Charlie McCarthey: Casting several dark looks over his shoulder, Lewis floated after Arthur once more. He didn't bother looking at the mirrors--they gave him a weird feeling. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but sometimes out of the corner of his eye he thought his own reflection had an incorrect expression.

It was starting to unerve him.

Trick mirrors don't change an entire town, though. Lewis murmured to himself, passing by a large mirror with a wave in it.

Yoshi Raven: Arthur walked slower now, looking more often into the mirrors that changed his looks in some funny ways. He giggled and stopped in front of one that made him appear taller than Lewis.

"Hey, even I can be taller than you, see? And more awesome anyway." he cooed, the last statement sounding a bit arrogant but Arthur didn´t notice.

When Lewis passed the wave mirror, his reflection seemed to have purple smoke around it - and the eyes were glaring angrily at him. They were a dark purple, too. But when the ghost looked again, it was just his own reflection he saw. Nothing else.

Charlie McCarthey: The supernatural world would consider Lewis an 'isolated spector.' He lived with only humans, and delt with other supernatural creatures too rarely for his own good.

Careful--that big head won't fit through the door. Lewis chuckled, amused at the thought of Artie being taller than him. Unaware of the reflection tracking him, Lewis moved along quietly.

How was he to know the same tones of color were nonverbal threats? In other words, two creatures with the same color aura had a higher chance of getting into an argument. Because it was survival of the fittest, after all.

Yoshi Raven: Maybe your big head won´t fit. I´m perfect a voice growled low close to them. Arthur´s reflection changed into the image of a lion with horns, snarling at both of them. It made the mechanic jump away from the mirror but a moment later, the image turned back to the normal reflection of Arthur.

"What - what the hell was that?! Was that... the sin?" he asked, moving back to the mirror and touched the surface. It was solid, so they were not used as portals.

Charlie McCarthey: While Arthur jerked back, Lewis moved forward, letting out an aggresive noise and raising his fist--until the image vanished. He calmed quickly, rumbling in confusion as he looked at all the mirrors sorrounding them. His fist dropped, and he backed up, trying to put Arthur behind him--it was hard when there was a damn mirror on every side.

Perfect, eh? How perfect can you be--hiding behind all this weak glass. Lewis grinned, feeling that sensation again, crawling up his spine and taking residency between his shoulder blades.

Yoshi Raven: Arthur was glad having Lewis by his side. This sin, this lion looked dangerous and he was sure that he could do more than just scare.

"Lewis... you´re right, let´s get back tomorrow. Come on, we should search the exit - "

Arthur took a step away from the ghost and they were suddenly seperated by a purple glowing mirror. All of them were glowing in this colour now. No matter how much Lewis tried, going through them or melting didn´t work.

"No!! Lewis!! Are you okay?!" the mechanic shrieked and slammed his hands on the surface again and again, trying to break it but of course they didn´t.

Charlie McCarthey: I'm fine! Lewis grabbed him by the back of his vest and hauled him from the glass. He sidestepped in a circle, trying to keep his eyes on everything at once, his boots made a creak under the old cement floor.

Floor? Floor!

We're getting out of here, I need you to trust me. Flying was one thing--what Lewis was about to try was an altogether different thing.

Yoshi Raven: Lewis didn´t notice the purple spark in the mirror until it was too late. The lion grabbed Arthur on his arm with his teeth and dragged him inside the mirror.

You´ve invaded my territory - you stomped on my pride and broke the rules of this place! Now I take something from you as a price. If you want him back, find the middle of this maze - and you better hurry, I don´t know how long such a broken soul can withstand my spell. he growled at Lewis, then roared at him before the reflection and Arthur disappeared. More mirrors rised from the floor and changed around Lewis and when they settled down, the purple glow was back. Now on the floor and ceiling, too. He wouldn´t just fly through everything this time.

Charlie McCarthey: Hey! Lewis lunged after him, but going through the mirror only got him on the other side. You give him back! NOW! The bellowing noise  meant he was too heartbeats away from changing into his ifritform and just going Hulk on this place. All he got in return for his shouting was silence and the soft glow of these damned mirrors. But all the broken glass he would cause--and he wasn't sure where Arthur was being kept.

With a disgusted snarl, the ghost began following the maze correctly, careful not to phase through the walls this time. How could he tell where the middle of the maze was? Dammit!

Yoshi Raven: With all the mirrors, even Lewis lost his sense of direction after a while, just like the time. How long was he now searching? 10 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour? He couldn´t tell.

But finally, when he took another corner, the hallway was full of Arthur´s reflections sitting on the floor, hands on his head. One spell on his left arm was revealed that kept his mind free from control but it was still difficult for him.

"Stop talking! Shut up...!" he growled and jumped on his feet, punching against one mirror - it only hurt him.

"Ouch.. damn it."

Some of the reflections didn´t follow the movements of the others, though. They were just staring at Lewis with empty eyes.

Charlie McCarthey: Lewis balked for half a second, before moving to the nearest one and reaching for it--glass.

Arthur? Can you hear me?! He tried calling, even as he checked the next mirror, trying to not let himself panic too much. If he panicked and lost control, if he changed right here--he coudn't. Even if it meant combating the sin effectively, he would not put Arthur in danger.

Arthur listen to me! You can fight it--whatever he's saying don't listen!

Yoshi Raven: The only reflection that reacted was the one that was showing Arthur´s back - or was it a reflection?

The hands slowly dropped from his head, head moving slightly.

"Lew.. is that... yes! Lewis!!"

But when "Arthur" turned around, his left half was tinted purple and his face distorted to an evil grin, his teeth had turned into fangs and claws were on his left hand.

The creature let out a horrifying screech and leaped at Lewis, just to burst into purple dust and vanish inches before the claws and fangs could dig into his body. All of the other reflections were gone now, too.

Charlie McCarthey: This was not helping his stress level.

Lewis had summoned a fist of hot fire at the first flash of purple--but then all he saw was Arthur coming at him, and the ghost jerked back, lowering his fist as if he planned to let Arthur attack him.

He prayed the sin wouldn't notice.

He wasn't that lucky.

Let him go. He wasn't the one who broke the rules--I did. Lewis reminded darkly. Give him back and you can have me.

Yoshi Raven: A dark laughter was echoing through the maze.

­Oh no, this is waay too much fun. An attached ghost - how cute. How weak. This is annoying - you are annoying! ... well. Let´s say you will get him back soon. But not in one piece.

A crazy laughter followed and the sound of breaking glass and a low thump.

Good luck finding him.

The mirrors flashed and all of them showed Arthur again. Some of them looked normal, others showed a possessed, half purple face Arthur and some even him with blood running down his face. But one of the reflections was running away, eyes scared and looking around.

Charlie McCarthey: You don't wanna make that threat. He's the one thing keeping me from ripping you to shreds, brother. The voice that seethed the threat out didn't exactly sound like Lewis--but it felt like him and he didn't bother dwelling on the specifics.

Lewis' eyes widened, a string of hope on the one that was running.

Arthur! He shouted desperately, shooting through the winding maze, trying to track the one that made the most sense. The mirrors tried getting in his way--finally, he let his fire go, blasting a few of them to pieces as he recgonized the ones that weren't Arthur.

I'm coming--I'm right here!

Yoshi Raven: Arthur kept running away as if something was hunting him. The fire erased the wrong reflections of him - the injured ones, the possessed ones and everything else that clearly wasn´t Arthur.

But then, after Lewis had shot fire on another mirror, the running Arthur was suddenly stopping and turning his head, a dark grin on his face - and Lewis heard Arthur screaming next to him. He was kneeling on the floor, his arms trembling and in front of his face. The metal one was blazing slightly but on his right one, his face and neck were burn marks. Parts of his white shirt had been burned, too.

Charlie McCarthey: Lewis yelped shrilly, pulling back with horror written all over his skull

A-Arthur! He cried, torn between going over to his human and keeping his distance so he didn't hurt him further.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry! A-are you--are you okay?! The ghost whimpered, fire flaring out weakly as he withdrew his power.

Yoshi Raven: "I´m... I´m fine, this will heal and maybe Vivi has something."

The metal arm had cooled down and Arthur got up, going over to Lewis. He took the chalk out of his pocket and started drawing symbols on Lewis´ right arm.

"Pull that bastard out of the mirror with this, get him out of here and destroy him with this." he growled while he wrote the runes for the Serpentarius spell on the ghost´s left arm. They started glowing white.

"I can´t do that with the burned arm so this time it´s your job. Oh, and don´t hold back. Show this sin what kind of ghost you are."

Arthur placed a quick kiss on his hair and grinned at him.

Charlie McCarthey: Lewis flinched at the touch, hesitating as his gaze locked on those burns. But then Arthur's speaking--no, Arthur's telling him what to do--and Lewis lets instinct take over, lets his eyes narrow on the target and he growls in response at Arthur's orders.

He made a fist with his free hand, but the other he lead with, slamming it into mirrors and searching for the one that would leave the sin wide open. By this fifth one he saw the demon moving through them, trying to put distance between the smashing mirrors and himself. No such luck, Lewis spotted him and darted after.

Yoshi Raven: When Pride had realized the blonde kid knew how to use runes, he was slightly confused but then he had heard the name of that specific spell - the one that could kill creatures like him. He let out an angered growl and jumped between the mirrors, not giving the other ghost a chance to pull him out of them. He´d lose half of his power if that happens.

Lewis wasn´t able to catch him, so Pride started playing with him. Showing him many reflections but never himself. Laughing at him and attacking him from the shadows with his claws, tearing the suit on his back.

Is that all you got?! You´re weak, idiot. Attaching yourself to a human is a sign of weakness. You´re better without him. he growled and appeared in the mirror behind Arthur who had walked away from the fight and the lion lifted his claws, ready to tear the human apart.

-------------------------

(Previous) - (Next)

[aion-rsa]

How Black Mirror Embraced Its Horror Potential with Playtest

https://ift.tt/31rDHKg

Monster specialist Grant Walker of award-winning VFX studio Framestore was excited when he received an offer to work on an episode of sci-fi anthology Black Mirror’s third season. But the nature of the job, for an episode called “Playtest”, proved to be an unexpected one.

“I thought: ‘they want to make monsters for Black Mirror? I don’t get it,’” Walker says.

Through two seasons and six episodes on Channel 4, the monsters of Black Mirror were largely metaphorical and unseen, signals and dispatches from mobile devices in a dubiously fictional world. Then the show was picked up by Netflix, which quickly commissioned a six-episode third season. Among those six episodes was “Playtest,” an hour starring Wyatt Russell (Lodge 49), Wunmi Mosaku (Lovecraft Country), and Hannah John-Kamen (Ant-Man and the Wasp). When that episode premiered on Oct. 21, 2016 it looked quite different from any other Black Mirror installment before it.  

In “Playtest,” the monsters of Black Mirror became literal with a grotesque human-spider hybrid and a shrieking flayed-faced zombie terrorizing Russell’s character Cooper Redfield as he playests the latest virtual reality videogame from a legendary game studio SaitoGemu. Though it all may be happening in Cooper’s head, the monsters created by Framestore are no less real to the viewer. That makes “Playtest” something truly unique in the Black Mirror canon. This is the one installment of the show’s 22’s entries that is undeniably, unapologetically horror. And four years to the day after its premiere, it still stands tall in the Black Mirror canon among the creative individuals who crafted it.

“I wasn’t expecting to do it. Then it just kind of just snuck in there, and it ended up being the highlight of my year,” Walker says of his BAFTA-nominated work on the episode.

“Playtest” director Dan Trachtenberg came to the project directly after the release of his film debut, thriller 10 Cloverfield Lane. Like Walker, he was pleasantly surprised that Black Mirror was set to expand its genre influences. 

“I remember that was the big draw for Charlie (Brooker). He was really excited about making essentially Evil Dead 2. And I was excited to continue to do that kind of work and I felt like I was sharpening a tool that I hadn’t yet fully sharpened,” Trachtenberg says. 

Trachtenberg and creator Charlie Brooker bonded over a shared love of both horror and videogames and quickly got to work fine-tuning Brooker’s concept into a lean horror machine. 

“What evolved the most was probably Wyatt Russell’s character,” Trachtenberg says. “Initially, the character was much more of an ugly American. There’s still that quality to him, but there’s a lovability and a naivete to Wyatt’s performance that informs the gravity of some of the things that he’s dealing with. In initial drafts, it was more like one of the horror movie terms of the unlikable person who is put through a gauntlet to learn to have values.”

The first third of “Playtest” serves to set up the improbable circumstances that would lead a young American man to a creepy manor in the British countryside to playtest a VR horror videogame from a Japanese gaming giant. It all starts with Cooper out on a sprawling world tour, traveling to India, Dubai, Spain, and more before arriving in London at the tail end of his journey. When it’s time to finally return home, Cooper discovers that his bank account has been hacked and he’s unable to buy a return plane ticket. Thankfully SaitoGemu is in London working on its latest horror game and it’s willing to pay for some willing playtesters. That’s how Cooper makes his way to the opulent and spooky Harlech House where lead designer Shou (Ken Yamamura) and the team are hard at work creating the next great VR horror adventure.

If this seems like a lot of exposition before Cooper engages with the horrors of the haunted mansion, there’s a method to Black Mirror’s madness. Much of what Cooper experiences prior to entering Harlech House informs the horrors that he sees. One prominent example includes Cooper watching a movie on his flight about a monstrous spider and then encountering a terrifying spider of his own later on. There’s also a poster for Red Sonja, which foreshadows the moment that a specter of Cooper’s sex buddy Sonja (Hannah John-Kamen) enters the simulation and has her face torn off, revealing the crimson skull beneath. 

“When (Cooper) kills that evil Sonja and slams her head onto the knife and through his shoulder that is (the position that) they woke up that morning. It’s kind of like in dreams, the way things are affecting you while you’re sleeping and then they show up later inside what you’re imagining,” Trachtenberg says.

The rest of “Playtest’s” dream sequences are positively bursting with similar dream imagery and Easter eggs that fans have done an excellent job of documenting over the years. Trachtenberg is fond of some of the subtler ones.  

“There’s a typical, classic creepy girl in the painting in a creepy house, and the girl in the painting is the girl that he’s sitting next to in the airplane in the beginning. Everything you see in act one populates in act two and three,” the director says.

Once the horrors of “Playtest” get going, however, there is nothing subtle about them. And that’s where Framestore’s work comes in. Walker and his team were charged not only with creating a small, realistic spider that sets off the hallucination, but also a monstrous version with the human visage of his childhood bully Josh Peters.

“I played around with quite a lot of different iterations of where to put the face, and how to change the anatomy of the spider and the body,” Walker says. “The mandible things, they were coming out of his mouth at one point, and then they returned into part of his mouth opened up in the way that it does. I don’t know if people notice it or not, but those legs are hands with long nails. They’re like fingers. It’s got a belly button underneath it and other weird stuff that you might not ever get to see.”

The undead version of Sonja was a combination of practical and visual effects, with Walker’s team serving to make the terrifying red skull “gooier” for the most part. 

“That was a tricky one. It was one of those ones when you spend a lot of time actually just massaging the integration so it feels tangible as opposed to kind of making this standalone thing and investing time in an amazing asset. She wasn’t quite so shiny, so we built our own CG version, and some shots were CG and layered on the top.”

The effects for Spider-Peters and Red Sonja had to be particularly on point as they are a product of Cooper’s brain and not merely SaitoGemu’s VR technology. As attentive viewers of Black Mirror know, “Playtest” actually “ends” roughly 20 minutes in when Cooper receives a phone call from his mom in the secure playtest area. The signal from his phone, which was supposed to be off and secured in a suitcase, fries the “mushroom’s” connection to Cooper’s brain and kills him almost instantly. Everything that follows is the product of his dying brain and not the work of SaitoGemu’s machine. This information, of course, isn’t revealed until episode’s end and as such Brooker maintains that it’s one of the most misunderstood endings in Black Mirror history. 

“If there’s misunderstandings of it, I’m probably to blame, which may be why Charlie is cleaning it up,” Trachtenberg jokes. “But frankly, every reaction video that I’ve watched I feel like people usually do get it. There’s even a clip where someone put what actually happened, where they cut out the entire second that they just show that scene as if that’s all that happened, which is fun to watch.”

Read more

TV

Black Mirror: Ranking Every Episode

By Alec Bojalad

The best episodes of Black Mirror are never about how technology will torment humanity. They’re about how humanity will use new technology to continue to torment ourselves. And nowhere is that more apparent than in “Playtest.” The episode sets up a scenario in which a VR experience will go haywire, but then in reality it is Cooper’s brain that betrays him, not the machine. It’s Cooper’s conscience that takes him on this terrifying freak show of monsters and murderers and then dies before the game even begins. It’s the proverbial “flashes before your eyes” moment in which that flash is a literal horror movie.

“I do find it interesting how devastating that notion is for so many – that it could all happen in a split second,” Trachtenberg says. “We definitely went back and forth so much on the ending. And I certainly don’t love too many twists as well, I just felt the initial twist was the expected one and I wanted there to be something more. I really wanted to drive home that it’s his fault in the end and tie in the fear of inheriting what his father had.”

Though the monsters of “Playtest” offer up the biggest scares, it’s approach to horror is deeper, more existential. Cooper’s real biggest fear is forgetting who he is, just like his father did before his end. And the mechanism that ultimately kills him isn’t any malevolent entity within the game or SaitoGemu, it’s simply his inability to connect with his mother during a difficult time in their lives. 

Cooper is quite the keen observer of his surroundings in Harlech House, despite being dead.  During one moment in particular, Cooper opens up a cupboard door to find a bottle of (non-alcoholic) wine and before he closes the cabinet he says aloud to his handler Katie (Mosaku) “He’s going to be right behind this door when I close it, isn’t he?” referring to the shade of Josh Peters. And of course, Cooper is right – just a little delayed, as the spider version of Peters that launches itself across the kitchen shortly after he closes the cabinet.

Characters in horror movies being self-aware about the “rules” of horror is nothing new in our highly metatextual pop culture landscape. But identifying the “cupboard” rule is still quite impressive. According to Trachtenberg, acknowledging the legacy and tactics of horror is an important part of any horror enterprise.

“There’s a scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer with these two characters talking in a car. The frame they’re on is the extreme side, and the entire other two-thirds of the frame of negative space is the window; and you just know that someone or something is going to jump inside that part of the frame. It’s about riding the wave of tension then releasing it. (With the cupboard scare) the audience has the sensation of, ‘Uh-oh, it’s going to happen here?’ Then Cooper calls it out and the audience thinks, “Oh there. That’s what it is.’ Now that they’re not expecting it, we can actually still surprise.”

“Playtest” could have been a lot more meta than just as a mere horror critique. At one point, Brooker planned to have a “Nightmare Mode” version of the episode available on Netflix’s streams, in which viewers could revisit it and get a new horror experience. If that sounds like the choose-your-own adventure nature of the eventual special Black Mirror: Bandersnatch, it’s because it is … right down to the focus on videogames. 

Trachtenberg says Netflix wasn’t ready to take on the technological burden of such a concept in 2016. 

“Charlie is a huge gamer, as am I. We talked a lot about, ‘wouldn’t it be awesome if we could pull off alternate endings or an alternate beat, or could there be connections to other episodes that you only see if you clicked on this button or whatever. I think he really tried with Netflix at that moment and there just was no technology for it.”

Being on the bleeding edge was something of a trend for “Playtest.” Many Black Mirror episodes are known for their uncanny predictive abilities (right down to the truly insane real life rumor of a British Prime Minister allegedly sexually defiling a pig). “Playtest,” meanwhile, preceded a run of truly excellent horror games (including one literally called “P.T.” for “Playtest”) and a modest increase in the popularity of VR technology. But four years on from the episode, Trachtenberg doesn’t feel as though culture is fully embracing the tech’s potential.

“VR was around when we were shooting. And it’s gotten much better since but I think we all felt like AR was definitely going to take over. I still feel that eventually. You just have to try it to know how amazing it is. But still … I would have thought that would have taken over sooner.”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Perhaps that’s the real legacy of “Playtest.” It’s the one episode of Black Mirror that wasn’t cynical enough about our reliance on technology…despite killing its lead character with a phone 20 minutes in. 

The post How Black Mirror Embraced Its Horror Potential with Playtest appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3jiM2pI

[huntertales]

Part Four: Life is All About Balance. (Two and a Half Men S06E02)

Episode Summary: Sam and the reader investigate a case about missing babies whose parents are being murdered, and upon working a crime scene, discover a baby boy. Dean is called to help after the reader and Sam are unsure of what to do. However, while taking care of the orphaned child, the reader and Dean discover something about themselves—they make decent parents. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (Slight Sam x Reader) Word Count: 2,930.

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It was an outcome that you never wanted to happen; Bobby John slipping out of your presence for good and knowing that what you'd been hearing about in whispers was true. But if you had been anywhere else, you might not just have a sore neck to deal with and a few overturned tables to help clean up. You were far better off than the three hunters that crossed paths with it and shot at the shifter, which only made it angry, prompting it to seek out a revenge that he thought fit. You let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed a few books up from the ground, trying to keep yourself busy as the others helped. Samuel and the younger Winchester quietly talked amongst themselves as they discussed what happened. You clutched the books close to your chest and walked over to them, knowing exactly that they were talking about.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not a myth now.” You whispered to them, keeping your voice down to keep this conversation private as you possibly could, knowing Dean was still around here. But he was much closer than you realized when you heard his footsteps approach you from behind after he heard every word that you had just said.

“What the hell was that thing?” Dean questioned all of you.

You bit your bottom lip as you became a bit hesitant to give him some of the information that you had been working on for the past several months. Samuel kept quiet for a moment, Sam was the one who thought it would be best to let his brother know when he nodded his head.

“We think it might have been an Alpha.” Samuel explained to the older Winchester. Dean looked at the man with a bit of a confused expression. “Like all monsters come from somewhere, right?”

“And you think this was the—”

“King shapeshifter. First one who spawned all the others.” You said, giving him more information about what was going on here. Dean suddenly seemed overwhelmed with what you had been dealing with, you knew the problem was only beginning here when you realized the things you had been reading about were true. “That’s why it was so strong. And why nothing would stop it.”

“And he said he could find the baby anywhere, that he could feel it. Like there’s a connection.” Samuel said. “That’s in the lore, too.”

“What the hell does it want with babies, anyway?” Dean asked.

"Maybe he wants to make a little tykes softball team." You said, cracking a joke. But it only ended up with you letting out a scoff, frustrated at the lack of answers you could give to him, and even yourself. "We don't know."

“Great.” Dean muttered underneath his breath. “Well, then, how do we kill it?”

You remained silent from the man's question as your eyes wandered away from him and the two other ones standing next to you. All of you remained silent for a moment as you settled your gaze on Samuel, letting him break the news. "I don't know if we can.”

+ + +

You and the boys helped clean up best that you possibly could, but a few broken chairs and some blood stains could be taken care of with the Campbells. The three of you had a long drive back to drop off Dean, back to his quiet life with the family. You slipped out into the quiet night and headed out first, walking to the car as you shoved your hands into your pocket, still a little bit disappointed at how tonight went. Dean followed behind, and while he wasn't happy with the outcome, his mind had been focused on something else lately. It'd been a long time since he'd been hunting with you and his brother. While it felt good to stretch some muscles that had grown sore, he felt a little bit...off. Like something wasn’t right when he thought back to what happened.

“You know, it’s funny.” Dean started a conversation when Sam shut the door behind him, giving the three of you some privacy away from the Campbell family. You looked over your shoulder in curiosity as Sam looked over his brother’s way. “You know, just before you ganked the shifter in the motel, he mentioned a father, which makes sense now because he meant the Alpha.”

“Huh.” Sam nodded his head as he let out a quiet chuckle, rethinking back as he headed for the driver’s side of the car. You headed for the backseat, but your eyes never left the man’s face. He had always been good at lying before he jumped into the pit. But, lately, he’d been so good at it, you couldn’t tell if he was telling the truth...or manipulating you straight to your face. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Did you hear him say that?” Dean asked, keeping his tone casual.

“I don’t know, kind of a hot moment, you know?” Sam wondered what these kind of questions had to do with anything when he gave the man a confused expression. “Why?”

"Oh, because if you heard him, then you knew the Alpha was out there. If you knew the Alpha was out there, then you knew he might come after the baby, in which you were using the baby as bait."  Dean said. He knew his little brother like the back of his hand. The man was a damn good hunter, but he wasn't reckless, at least...he thought. He looked away from his brother and to you for a moment to see your reaction. Your face scrunched up ever so slightly, not from the accusation that Dean was throwing his little brother’s way, but as if you were shocked to hear him do such a thing. Like he’d done this before. “So, was that the plan? To use the baby as bait?”

“Of course not.” was good at lying straight through his teeth. He looked at his little brother with a bit of a surprise from the accusation. You narrowed your eyes on the man, knowing it had to be truth. He’d done a lot more dangerous things over the past year.  “Dean, I just thought Samuel’s was the safest place. That’s all.”

Dean slowly nodded his head, trying to believe in the excuse that his little brother said as if it were the truth. But he felt like there was a little white nestled somewhere in there. He couldn't help himself but take his brother's word with a grain of salt. He watched as you opened up the backseat and slipped yourself inside, leaving the man alone with his thoughts for a moment. You looked at the man sitting in the driver’s seat in the rear view mirror, a glare settling into your expression at how easy lying came to him, and how little bit of remorse he felt.

+ + +

The oldest Winchester was back home by the early the next afternoon. He said his goodbyes to you and his brother. Before he went off, you stopped him, telling the man to get over whatever kind of fear that he may have. Whatever sort of thing that was holding him back needed to be let go. If only you knew the thing holding him back from living a happy life had been staring at him from the passenger's side seat. Honestly, he missed you, just as much as he missed his brother and hunting. It was familiar to him. His family before knew how to protect themselves from monsters, didn’t need a roof and four walls to call home. But you and his brother couldn’t give him the sort of happiness that Lisa and Ben gave to them.

Dean always thought he couldn't have a perfect balance of both words. He loved hunting, he always loved having a home to call his own. But he didn't know how to balance it. He didn't know how to choose one. If he stuck with hunting, then he'd have to give up a woman that he was starting to care for deeply, and put her son into some kind of terrible danger if he left them. But he couldn’t wait on the chances of seeing you and Sam on the rare occasion if you wanted to stop by. If you would ever. You and his brother were still your family. He couldn’t go from seeing the both of you every day of his life to visits that might never happen. Dean would drive himself crazy trying to find something that would make him happy. But there was one thing that he knew that needed to be done.

Lisa was quietly drying dishes in the kitchen when Dean stepped into the house and got himself settled in. She peered over her shoulder when she heard him come in, the man felt happy to see her smiling at him. Dean wandered over to the countertop as she continued on doing her task. Looking around the house, he noticed that there was someone missing.

“Where’s Ben?” Dean asked.

“Bike ride.” Lisa answered without much thought. She finished drying the cup and placed it down to the counter without much thought about her son's activity. She reached out to grab another wet dish, but when she noticed that Dean was awfully quiet and staring out the window to the front yard, she let out a quiet sigh, hoping this conversation wouldn't turn into what she'd been dreading. "What?"

Dean stared out the window for a few moments before he finally turned to face the woman. He walked over to the counter and placed his hands on the edges. He looked defeated from the constant thinking he’d been doing. And it was time to admit everything.

“I don’t know what to do here, Lis. I mean, if I knew for sure what the safest thing was, then I’d do it. Stay here and look after you guys...or get as far away as I possibly can. But I don’t know. I just don’t want history to repeat itself. You know?” Dean admitted the stresses that had been on his mind lately. Lisa looked at him from what she heard him say, and from the look at started to settle on her face, she knew exactly what he was getting at. “And I get what I’ve been doing lately. You know, with the yelling and the acting like a prison guard. It’s just—that’s not me.  And you tell yourself you’re not gonna be something, you know? My dad was exactly like this, all the time...and it’s scaring the hell out of me. I can’t lose you two.”

“Dean? Can I be honest?” She asked, circling around the countertop until she was standing next to him. The woman tapped her fingers against the granite and looked around at the boxes, trying to somehow get herself to discuss a conversation that was making her feel nervous. But it had to be done. “Maybe we’re safer with you here. Maybe gone. I don’t know. The one thing that I do know is that you’re not a construction worker. You’re a hunter. And now you know Y/N and your brother’s out there, things are different. You don’t want to be here, Dean.”

"Yes, I do." Dean admitted her the truth, but she knew there was more to him that he would say.

"Okay. I understand that. But you also wanna be there. You're white-knuckling it, living these two separate lives. I don’t want you to stay here because you feel like you feel obligated to keep us safe. Like you’re trying to keep yourself from repeating history. I'm not here to fill whatever sort of role you need me to be. I want you here because

want to be." Lisa said. She felt a little bit guilty for the way she was speaking to him, but it was what that needed to be said. “But I’m not gonna have this discussion every time that you leave. And this—this is just gonna keep happening. So I need you to go.”

"Yes, I do. I can't lose you and Ben." Dean said, almost pleading with her. This past year had been the happiest, most normal that he had felt in his entire life. But Lisa could see things that he wouldn't admit to, parts of him that he thought were terrible. She still wanted him the way he was. However, the man wasn't getting what she was trying to say. "You're saying hit the road."

“Dean, if there’s some rule that says this all has to be either-or...how about we break it?” Lisa grew a smile, getting to the suggestion she’d been thinking about while he was gone. “Me and Ben will be here, and you come when you can. Just...Just come in one piece, okay?”

“You really think we could pull something like that off?”

“It’s worth a shot, right?”

+ + +

Life was all about trying to find the perfect balance between work and play. Dean and Lisa had made a compromise that he thought would never be able to happen for him. Lisa would stay to live her happy, quiet life with her son while Dean was out on the road, saving the world from monsters. He promised her to stop by every once in awhile, giving him that little bit of normalcy that he craved his entire life. Not to mention, he got to see you and his brother, back again like the happy, dysfunctional one that you were. You and Sam had been hunting together for the past year. It would be nice to finally get the trio back together. But if only he realized how close the two of you had gotten without him around.

Sam was different since he'd gotten out of the pit, but you couldn’t put your finger on it of what it was. Some of it made you feel uneasy, but other times, when it came to him making decisions that the old him would have hesitated on, he would do it without thinking. He was still smart as you remembered, a damn good hunter, and had the same dry sense of humor that would make you laugh on occasion. But there were a few different things about him. Sort of like how you let him find an empty wooded area to park the car when Dean left and kissed him without a sense of urgency. And how he'd been working out a hell of a lot more than he had before. You weren't complaining one single bit. If there was one thing the Winchester men didn't lack, it was looks. Knowing that Dean was back home sharing a normal life with Lisa, you felt a little less guilty to let Sam slip his hands under your shirt.

You weren’t going to sulk in self pity anymore, Dean wasn’t going to focus on the past of what was. Because the both of you had people in your lives that filled the void in your heart—whether it be some normalcy, a craving for human touch. However, life doesn't always work out the way you wanted it to. And feelings weren't that easy to destroy.

Your eyes ripped themselves opened when you felt a vibration coming from your back pocket. It took both your hands to push Sam away for a moment to fetch out your phone and see who was texting you. Thinking it was one of the Campbells, you opened it up, only to find the name in the sender one you weren’t expecting to see. Sam’s eyes curiously wandered over to the screen, and when he saw who it was, you felt Sam's lips find their way to your neck, wanting to keep things moving along like how he wanted them.

Dean:

Call me when you get the chance. There's been a change of plans. Looks like you're not getting rid of me that easy, sweetheart.

You felt your heart suddenly pound roughly in your chest when you read the message, not even noticing that Sam was looming over your shoulder, reading it for himself. You attempted to write him back, Sam softly sank his teeth into the spot that always got you. You hit the send button as you quickly bit your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to say the wrong name.

Y/N:

Lisa get tired of you already? Haha. Kind of busy right now. I'll call you when I get the chance. :) xoxo.

Dean stared at the new text message longer than he should have. He felt himself inhale a deep breath from the way that you ended your text messages, back the way that you used to with him when the both of you were still in a relationship. But that was no longer. The two of you were best friends. Have been since birth. It felt good to be back in the Impala and on the open road, with a family that would be waiting for him. It's what he always wanted. Dean tucked his phone back into his jacket and got ready to turn on the Impala and hit the road. His eyes drifted to the rear view mirror to make sure he could see, but before he stepped on the gas pedal, he found his gaze lingering to the empty backseat...and just like that, he found himself going down memory lane. Dean felt his grip around the steering wheel suddenly grow tense.

Maybe this wasn’t going to be easy as he thought.

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[fangirlingtodeath513]

Ashes

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supernatural Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline, Kelly Kline Additional Tags: mentions of Destiel, Grieving Dean, 13x01 coda, dean hates jack Series: Part 1 of Season 13 Codas Summary: 

The only word making it’s way through Dean’s mind right now is no. All he can do is sway on his knees and stare down as Castiel’s life- at Castiel. Despite everything, there’s an odd look of peace on the angel’s face. He swallows, his throat getting tighter by the second. He takes a deep breath through his nose, balling his fists at his sides. He feels like the entire world’s been ripped out from under him.

A/N: Hey! This is a coda for episode 13x01 Lost and Found. It does mention Castiel's death and the aftermath from the season 12 finale, so if that's not something you're interested in reading, this coda definitely isn't for you.I'm super proud of this one, so I hope you guys enjoy it!!

Read here on AO3

The only word making it’s way through Dean’s mind right now is no. All he can do is sway on his knees and stare down as Castiel’s life- at Castiel. Despite everything, there’s an odd look of peace on the angel’s face. He swallows, his throat getting tighter by the second. He takes a deep breath through his nose, balling his fists at his sides. He feels like the entire world’s been ripped out from under him.

He feels like he’s drowning.

He doesn’t know how long he stays like that. He knows Sam is in the house, most likely with the literal spawn of Satan, but not a fiber of Dean’s being is allowing him to care at the moment. All he can see is the light literally leaving Castiel’s eyes. He blinks away the image, swallowing again and letting out a slow breath. He looks around slowly, his mind wandering back to the nephilim.

His arm reaches for his gun of it’s own accord. Before he realizes it, he’s walking back into the house, taking the stairs two at a time and aiming his gun at Jack. He manages a shot before Jack freaks out and launches both him and Sam, before scurrying off.

Dean’s not sure how long it is before they both come to on the floor of Kelly’s bedroom. There’s light trickling in through the windows, so it’s been long enough for the sun to rise. He sits up and spots Sam coming to against the other wall, scrubbing a hand over his own face. He pushes himself to his feet, shaking off the creepy dream and grabbing his gun off the floor, tucking it into the back of his jeans.

“Dean. Dean! What the hell was that about?” Dean ignores him, pushing past him and out of the bedroom, letting his feet carry him downstairs and back outside. He swallows past the lump in his throat, letting out a soft sigh and kneeling next to Castiel’s… next to Cas. Slowly, he slides an arm under the angel’s knees and shoulders, biting back a shaky breath and standing carefully. He idly thinks that Castiel is much heavier than he looks.

Sam is standing in the doorway of the house, watching him. Dean knows, he can feel the eyes glaring holes in his back. He takes a slow, deep breath, turning and walking back to the house. Sam keeps his mouth shut and moves out of the way, thankfully. He carries the angel to the dining room, laying him on the table gently. Sam hands him a tablecloth, which Dean promptly uses to cover the… to cover Castiel. He stands there for a moment, staring at his best friend laying on the table.

With a deep breath and a clenched jaw, he turns to face Sam.

*           *           *

Chuck doesn’t answer. Dean’s not entirely sure he expected him to answer. He’d brought Cas back before, but he’d never been this… it had never been like this before. The pain in his knuckles distracted him somewhat, and the drunk lady draping herself all over the Impala certainly distracts him. And then Sam’s found Jack and it’s back to work. There’s always work. Dean feels like his world has been ripped out from under him and stomped on and they have to worry about Lucifer’s fucking kid. The work never ends.

They find Jack at a police station, and everything goes to shit pretty quickly (though that’s normal for them, if Dean’s being honest with himself). They come out on top though, and for once it seems like everyone’s going to be okay.

*           *           *

Sam has the audacity to ask him if he’s sure. Like he hasn’t spent the past nearly twenty four hours going over this scenario in his mind. Like he hasn’t agonized over every little detail and every option they had. Like he hadn’t even given it any thought at all. He doesn’t know whether to be insulted or heartbroken, or shove everything as far down as he can and deal with it at a later time. Being Dean Winchester, he obviously picks the later. He grabs an axe from the trunk of the Impala and sets out to make the pyre they’ll inevitably need. He vaguely notices Sam and Jack join him, Sam helping to chop wood and Jack arranging it into a funeral pyre.

Sam and Jack are the first ones to go inside. Jack mumbles something about seeing his mother, and Sam sweeps the monster into the house like he’s a lost puppy Sam’s looking after. Dean can’t help but roll his eyes, putting the last few pieces of wood on the pyre and staring at it for a moment before wandering inside. His legs carry him back to the dining room, the lump growing in his throat again. He walks around the table slowly, keeping his eyes on the floor until he reaches the other side of the table. His eyes inevitably flicker to the angel on the table. He pulls the tablecloth off Cas’s face, swallowing past the tightness in his throat. He wants to do something, to press a kiss to his forehead or beg him to come back, but he doesn’t. He’s so tired, down to his bones. So instead, he pulls the tablecloth back over his face and grabs the curtains off the nearby window. He wraps one of them around Cas’s ankles and one across his middle to keep the tablecloth in place. Sam and Jack take care of Kelly’s body, so Dean is left to (once again) carry the body of his best friend, his… his everything out of the funeral pyre. He does, because Cas deserves this. Cas has earned this. He lays the angel’s body on the pyre, resting a hand on his forehead for a moment before stepping back and grabbing the canister of gasoline. He douses Cas, Kelly, and the wood they’re laying on and steps back while Sam says some bullshit to Satan’s kid about Death.

This is it. Dean knows it. This is his goodbye. The Cas he knew has been gone since Lucifer pierced his chest with an angel blade, and now he was saying goodbye to the only remaining thing he had left. With tight lips and a lump in his throat, he flicks his lighter open and lights it, saying a soft goodbye to the angel.

Sam and Jack step away after fifteen minutes. Dean absently hands Sam the keys to the Impala, staying rooted in his spot. Sam gives him a concerned look, one that makes his skin crawl, but he just shakes his head.

“Go. I’m not ready yet. Besides, someone’s gotta bring his car back.” The sheer depth of pity in Sam’s eyes makes him want to puke, but he suppresses the urge and keeps his eyes on the flames in front of him. He hears Sam and Jack’s footsteps retreating after a moment, and with a slam of two door and the rumble of an engine, he’s alone.

He stays rooted to the same spot until the fire burns itself out. And that’s it. The only thing left of his best friend, of his entire world, is laying right there on the ground in front of him. A pile of smoldering ashes. He clears their things out of the house and ensures there’s no evidence of their visit, aside from the pile of ashes and the scorched wing marks in the back yard. He fishes the keys to Cas’s truck out of his pocket, unlocking the driver’s door and climbing behind the wheel. He swallows past the tightness in his throat, starting the car and looking around. He spots the edge of something sticking out of the console between the driver’s and passenger’s seats, and he grabs it with shaking fingers. He knows what it is. He knew before he even reached for it. It makes his heart thump in his chest and the lump in his throat get bigger.

He wonders if Castiel ever listened to it. The truck doesn’t have a tape deck, so he doubts it. He tucks the tape into the pocket of his jacket above his heart, patting it gently before he pulls Castiel’s truck onto the road. His eyes wander to the rearview mirror, watching the small house disappear into the distance.

“Goodbye, Cas.”