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alexazbofficial · 3 years ago

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[INTERVIEW] AleXa Is Repping for K-Pop and Oklahoma In ‘American Song Contest’

The Tulsa-born singer has been living in South Korea for four years but returned to the U.S. to compete on NBC's American take on Eurovision.

“K-Pop” and “Oklahoma” are two words you don’t really think of in the same breath. But one of the 56 artists competing on the Monday (March 21) night series premiere of NBC’s American Song Contest just might change that — AleXa, a K-Pop artist from Tulsa, Okla. Born to a South Korean mother and an American father, she first learned about K-Pop in 2008, through one of her best friends.

“The first group I ever saw was Super Junior – they’re a huge senior group in the K-Pop industry, but my gateway was SHINee,” AleXa tells Billboard. “I’ve been hooked ever since.” She moved to Korea in the first quarter of 2018 and competed on two reality shows, Rising Star and Produce 48. She signed with ZB, a label owned by South Korean video production company Zanybros. Her first single, “Bomb,” was released on Oct. 21, 2019. “It was right before the pandemic hit,” she says. Two more singles followed: “ReviveR” and “Tattoo.” After living in South Korea for four years, AleXa returned to the U.S. this year to compete in American Song Contest.

“My manager is Swedish, so when we received the invitation to audition, we thought, ‘Yes, this is iconic.’ It’s literally Eurovision, but now we’re spreading it to America. It was just a wonderful opportunity and I was so excited to take it.”

AleXa knew about Eurovision from watching videos online by past winners like ABBA and Måneskin, though she has never seen a full broadcast. She did watch the 2022 edition of Melodifestivalen, the Swedish heat to pick the country’s song for Eurovision, because Moa (Cazzi Opeia) Carlebecker, one of the writers of her ASC entry “Wonderland,” was competing as an artist and she facilitated AleXa’s entry into ASC. “It helped that I had worked with Cazzi. Then all of these wonderful creatives came together and the song was presented to us. I fell in love with it immediately and we knew we had to go with that song.”

Swedish hitmaker Andreas Carlsson (“I Want It That Way,” Backstreet Boys; “Waking Up in Vegas,” Katy Perry; “Bye Bye Bye,” *NSYNC) became involved with American Song Contest through his friends Peter Settman, Christer Bjorkman and Anders Lenhoff, who sold the idea of an American version of the Eurovision Song Contest to NBC. He has co-written seven of the 56 entries for season one, including “Wonderland.”

“Being close to both the Swedish and Korean K-Pop community, I found the song after listening to hundreds of submissions from my personal network,” Carlsson tells Billboard. “As AleXa could possibly be the first American K-Pop sensation, the song had to appeal to American audiences without alienating her Korean fans. There is a specific formula to K-Pop that must be considered when creating the song. I eventually ended up as a co-writer on the song as it had to be a bit more westernized. Then writer Bekuh Boom came into the mix with some brilliant topline ideas and everyone felt we had something special. Sometimes it takes a lot of chefs to serve up something extraordinary.”

Those chefs include songwriters Albin Nordqvist, Ellen Berg and Carlebecker. “We originally wrote ‘Wonderland’ for the Korean market, where we have been working regularly for years,” Nordqvist tells Billboard. “We weren’t aware of the existence of American Song Contest at that time. Andreas reached out because he was asked to find songs for the already established AleXa, who was known to us since Moa and Ellen had already written songs for her. Andreas helped us adapt the melodies, lyrics and arrangement for the U.S. market, together with American writer Bekuh Boom. Andreas and Bekuh are familiar with both the U.S. and Korean markets.”

Asked why Swedish songwriters have had so much success in K-Pop, Carlebacker and Berg told Billboard in a statement, “We believe it’s a mix of several reasons such as socio-economic factors like education being free in Sweden. Learning to play an instrument, singing in a choir, learning about music production and song writing, performing and playing in a band is encouraged from a very young age. Having the opportunity to truly focus on your art and creativity, without having to pay for an expensive education, makes it easier to dedicate your time and effort to pursue an international music career. The Swedish specialty for creating highly addictive rhymes and pop melodies (which are very important in K-Pop) might be a magic ingredient, on top of that we are meticulous, hard-working, have great work ethics and always strive to deliver songs of the highest quality possible.”

Since Carlebecker had just competed herself in Melodifestivalen, Billboard wanted to know what advice she would give to AleXa before her performance tonight in American Song Contest. “I would tell AleXa to have fun and enjoy every single moment of this crazy experience,” the writer who performs as Cazzi Opeia responded. “With a competition like this comes a lot of pressure and she will probably be nervous, but at the same time it will be so much fun. The whole thing is over extremely fast, so enjoy every step of the way and remember to take it all in. Don’t think about the show as a competition, just focus on your vocal performance and your dance routines, and you will be fine. The American Song Contest is a fantastic TV show and will be a memory for life.”

The only American songwriter on “Wonderland,” Bekuh Boom has written for Jordin Sparks, Blackpink and Jennifer Lopez. She toplined AleXa’s entry, meaning she wrote lyrics and melody, except for the bridge. Talking to Billboard about American Song Contest, she said, “I’m very excited to see people’s reaction to the show. I hope it shines more light on the songs and their meaning and I think we’re getting to a place where more people are caring about not just the song but the people and meaning behind it. I hope this shift will start to translate in the way songwriters specifically are treated and compensated in the future and it’s exciting to have artists and songwriters shining together. I’m very excited for AleXa and wish her all the best.”

As for AleXa, she let Billboard know what she would tell viewers about her American Song Contest performance. “Expect the unexpected. My song is a pop-infused urban track, paying homage to Latin beats but definitely bringing the K-Pop element to the sound and visuals. I hope that people feel the energy and the fun that I have onstage. I’m just really proud of representing Oklahoma and the K-Pop community.”

Finally, we had to ask AleXa the most important question of all: what happens when she’s in a room where people say her name out loud? “The funny thing about that is I personally have [an Amazon device] and my parents have one as well, so any time we’re doing a FaceTime call and I say my stage name or my folks say my stage name, Alexa says, ‘Sorry, I didn’t get that.’ And we just say, ‘Stop, we weren’t talking to you.'”

#alexa #alex christine #kim seri #interview #article #220322

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everybodyscupoftea · 4 years ago

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you are the music in me

rafe x reader

five times rafe shows you a song, and one time you show him

holy cow who let me do this:

okay huge thanks to @travisgermy who stayed up forever with me picking out songs one night, the list of “maybe this” or “idk does this fit the vibe” is insanely long but i think i got it right.

i’m very very proud of my playlists and my taste in music. music is also very important to me, so i decided to write this because if a man ever came to me and said “this song made me think of you,” i might marry him on the spot

finally, thanks to my two very good friends for encouraging me and reading it over @sunnypogue and @moldisgoodforyou you guys are the best

little warning: there’s some cursing

(also i tried to link the songs to the titles so you can click and listen while reading that part)

You met Rafe freshman year in an auditorium size Intro to Theater elective. He was giving off huge ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibes and sitting alone in the top left corner of the room, pretty far away from everyone else. Not only was the lack of people appealing, but the rumpled boy with headphones in, chugging coffee, was cute.

Orientation was scheduled late for you, and theater was the elective you opted to take when all the music classes were filled. Unfortunately, scheduling last meant most of the seats were full anyway, and you had no choice but take it at 8 a.m.

It was easy at first, barely any work involved and minimal notes. You basically just had to show up and fill a seat for attendance. And then the ‘acting’ unit started and your professor, who had been your favorite until then, threw a partner project and suddenly the ‘not talk to anyone’ strategy you’d been employing backfired.

Holding in a groan, you looked over the lines of dialogue he’d given out with the instructions, “Make it your own.” People all around you were moving and chatting with the people they’d talked to in class already and you felt frozen. Until headphone boy suddenly sat down next to you.

“Wanna partner up?” he asked after a long sip of coffee.

“Oh, um, yeah, that’d be great.”

Thus, the shaky alliance formed. He was a little closed off at first, but you managed to get to know him a little more, and by the end of the semester, you’d even call the two of you friends. It was really solidified when he texted you first a few times over winter break.

Rafe was really easy to talk to, he had his own amount of trauma that he didn’t really talk much about unless it related to an issue you were going through and he felt his experience could relate to yours and comfort you. It was really nice, having a support system away from home in this new college town where you didn’t know anyone.

Study sessions together turned to lunches together turned to dinners together. He became your permanent bar buddy and you always felt safe with his steady presence nearby. You’d never really known anyone quite like him and it was exhilarating being with him all the time.

Where Rafe really excelled was music. He constantly had headphones in when walking around campus, when the two of you studied, and when you went to the gym together. It didn’t bother you, it wasn’t rude, he just liked it and he knew so much about artists and bands you’d never heard of. It was how he best communicated.

One: Let Me Down Slowly

Fall of sophomore year, you started seeing a guy in your literature class. It wasn’t like a super romantic thing, it started with just sleeping together after a football game to occasional dinners when you weren’t with Rafe.

His name was Brian and Rafe hated him. Casual sex was hard for you, separating feelings and intimacy wasn’t your style, but for Brian you tried really hard. It failed, just like Rafe warned you it would, but you vowed to keep faking it anyway.

Eventually, Brian, during dinner, asked if you had been seeing anyone else. You hadn’t, of course, and told him so. He seemed pleased and you thought that meant he wasn’t either. Where you went wrong was not actually getting clarification on that point.

He invited you to a party one Friday night, and you decided to go. Rafe was in your dorm room, watching you get dressed, as you chattered on about finally being official with Brian and this being the two of you’s big moment as a couple finally.

Rafe sat cross-legged on your bed, barely concealing his contempt toward Brian, but you ignored it, pushing through. Once you deemed yourself ready, you turned to Rafe, holding out your necklace to him, “Can you help me put this on?”

He sighed and hopped off your bed. Taking the necklace from your hand, he gently turned you around and stepped closer, brushing all your hair to one side. The metal was cold when it hit your collarbone and you shivered a little.

Rafe’s fingers danced over your neck as he fastened the chain and fixed your hair back. Putting both hands on your shoulders, he squeezed a little and smiled at you in the mirror, “Knock ‘em dead, gorgeous.”

Before you could respond, Brian texted you that he was parked outside, waiting for you. With a nervous exhale, you held your fist out for Rafe to bump, “Thanks for keeping me company, Cameron.”

He smiled and gently bumped your knuckles, “Anytime, bud.” You didn’t see his smile slip a little as you left the room.

Brian was blasting some club remix he frequently listened to when you got into this car. He smiled at you, leaning in for a kiss, “Ready, babe?”

“Ready,” you told him, buckling in.

The party wasn’t anything new or special, you’d been to many just like it, but it felt different. You weren’t sure what it was, maybe that you were finally officially on Brian’s arm, but the air felt odd.

Excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, you pulled out your phone to check and see if Rafe had texted you. He had, something short reassuring you that if you needed a ride home later, he’d be up. You breathed out a sigh of relief because Brian had started drinking the moment the two of you stepped in the door and you weren’t sure how he planned on getting you home.

Leaning forward and bracing yourself on the counter, you stared at yourself in the mirror. With an annoyed sigh, you hissed, “Get it together, bitch. This is supposed to be your night.”

And with that, you left the bathroom. Only to find Brian making out with some girl you’d never seen before on the couch. Which really fucking hurt. You didn’t even really know what to do, you’d only been dating for a few weeks, but you’d been emotionally connected to him for much longer.

Tears you didn’t want rose in your eyes as you stared frozen at the two of them groping each other. One of Brian’s friends that you’d met a few times caught your eye. His widened and he shook Brian’s shoulder. Brian, hazy eyed, pulled away and saw you standing there, clearly hurt.

He jumped up, fear in his eyes, and you backed away, shaking your head. You weren’t sure if he chased you, you hightailed it out of the house and down the street, wanting nothing more than to get out of there. Pity was the last thing you wanted from him or his asshole friends who did nothing to stop him.

By the time you’d gotten far enough away that you didn’t hear the music anymore, the cold had set in and you were shivering. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you sniffled several times, trying to get it together. Unfortunately, your tears refused to listen and streamed down your cheeks, not slowing in the slightest.

Suddenly, your phone vibrated, a text from Rafe telling you he’d made it to season four of the show you recommended him and that season three’s finale had been heartbreaking.

How could you not give me even a little heads up, what the fuck

You choked out a laugh through the tears and hit call before thinking about how he’d definitely be able to tell something was up from your voice.

“Hey,” he answered, sounding a little concerned, “you still at the party?”

“Um, not really,” you said, trying to not give away your crying.

It didn’t work, you heard rustling in the background as he asked, “Where are you? Better yet, where’s Brian?”

You sighed, “Probably fucking whatever chick I caught him making out with.”

Rafe cursed lowly before saying, “Send me your location and I’ll come pick you up.”

Hanging up, you sent it to him and sat down on the sidewalk, pulling your knees to your chest. You kind of didn’t want to see Rafe because you didn’t really want the ‘I told you so’ likely to come as soon as you got in the car.

He pulled up, not too long after your tears stopped, and you hopped up to get into the passenger side. You weren’t expecting him to throw it in park and jog around to wrap you into a tight hug before you could get in. It took you by surprise, but it wasn’t unwelcome. After getting over your shock, you squeezed him back tightly, cherishing the unusual show of affection.

It brought the tears back and you sniffled a few times, burying your face into his chest. Rafe held you tightly until you got ahold of yourself again and then pulled the door open to help you into his truck. While it wasn’t unusual for him to do, you couldn’t help but notice for the first time, that it was something Brian never did.

Before you could buckle up, he grabbed one of his sweatshirts off the backseat and handed it to you.

“How are you feeling right now, bud? Do you want to wallow for a bit or do you want to say ‘fuck him’ and move on?”

You sighed, “I don’t know, kinda in the mood to wallow right now.”

Rafe cranked up the heat and nodded before pulling up his Spotify to pick something out. A familiar sounding song started playing and he looked over at you, “This song really encompasses the lonely feeling of wanting someone, great for wallowing.”

You sniffled a few times and turned the volume up before sinking back into the seat. He smiled at you gently and started driving down the street. The words started up and you couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

Don’t cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste

Rafe tapped his thumb against the steering wheel to the song as he drove. You quickly recognized his route to the coffee shop the two of you go to. Wiping your nose on the hoodie sleeve, you finally spoke up, “It’s closed.”

“Huh?” he asked, glancing over at you quickly before focusing on the road again.

“Coco Bean, it’s closed.”

“I’m just driving, no destination.”

“Oh,” you said, tuning into the song again.

Could you find a way to let me down slowly / a little sympathy, I hope you can show me / if you wanna go then I’ll be so lonely / if you’re leaving baby let me down slowly

With a long, shuddering sigh, you melted back into the seat and let Rafe drive. You were a little startled when he started to sing softly. He’d hummed in front of you but never sang, and he actually had a pretty good voice.

And I can’t stop myself from falling down

Twisting your fingers through the hem of the sweatshirt, you tilted your head to lean against the cold window as the song started its last bit.

Now I’m slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace / so please, please / could you find a way to let me down slowly

Rafe switched to something slightly more upbeat as you tried to pull yourself together. The two of you drove around for hours, songs switching from upbeat to sad, enough to keep you interested.

“One last song,” he told you, around 3 a.m. and All I Want started up. Rafe had showed you that one before. He reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing tightly for a few seconds before adding, “Brian’s a dick and you deserve better.”

You squeezed back and nodded, not really knowing what to say.

Two: I’m Good

You’d stubbornly avoided Rate My Professor when trying to schedule a bio class, which was turning out to be a pretty hefty mistake. The guy you picked, mostly because of the 10 a.m. time slot, was a disaster. His teaching style didn’t match your learning style and he barely taught the information he used on the test anyway.

Needless to say, you bombed the first one. Like not a dramatic, ‘I bombed it’ and it turning out to be a C. Like a serious 40%. You weren’t sure how you made it through the rest of your classes, maybe adrenaline or just the pure stubbornness to not have a very public breakdown, but you sent Rafe a very vague text blowing off lunch and went straight to your room.

Face planting onto your bed, you shut your phone off, totally content to not talk to anyone for at least another day. Hours could’ve passed before you finally rolled onto your side, you weren’t sure what time in was, all you knew was that your stomach was growling.

At some point during your wallowing, you roommate had come home, and it had gotten dark outside. All of your weekend plans flew straight out the window and the idea of doing any work when clearly it would be pointless anyway was nauseating.

Eventually, you fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about failing classes and angry bio teachers trying to break your fingers until you finally understood cellular respiration. It was easily one of the worst nights you’d ever had, and by the time the sun rose, you were ready to just stop thinking.

You knew your roommate would eventually come into your room to ask about getting brunch, or to just see what you had planned for the day, but you really didn’t want to see her. What you didn’t expect when your door was finally pushed open, was to see Rafe standing there, holding a bag of food.

“Hey, bud,” he spoke softly, walking slowly toward your bed, “you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” you asked, voice cracking.

Rafe laughed, “No, you don’t. But I did bring your favorite.”

You perked up a little, looking at the bag curiously, “Chicken caesar wrap?”

“Yes ma’am. Would you like to join me on a walk?”

You sighed, but getting out of the room with Rafe sounded kind of good, so you stood and put on a pair of slides, not wanting to put in the effort of actual shoes. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders while the two of you walked down the hallway, and you cherished the closeness.

“What happened?” he finally asked, as the two of you made it out the building and over to a bench outside.

“I failed my test. I don’t know what happened, none of the material he taught was on the test and I just don’t know how to study for that.”

Rafe handed you half of the wrap and let you rest your head on his shoulder before speaking, “Did you check Quizlet, maybe someone who’s already taken it posted something for you to use.”

You shrugged while taking a bite, “Maybe. I mean I know I can come back from this, he drops the lowest test, but I don’t know, I’ve never gotten a grade that bad. It’s so discouraging and I just lost all motivation to do anything.”

He hummed softly and pulled his phone out. After scrolling for a few seconds, he offered you a headphone with a smile, “Maybe this will help.”

Trying to figure out who I am / or who I’m supposed to be / feel good about where I stand / so I can make the most of me

You drummed your fingers on Rafe’s knee to the uplifting beat. He bumped your shoulders together and started eating the other half of the wrap.

You only live once / I’m good with myself / I’m there for my friends / til the very end

Rafe reached out to lace his fingers through yours, catching your attention, before saying, “You know I’ve always got you right?”

You nodded, tears rising for the first time since the numbness gripped you, “Yeah, Cameron, I know.”

I’m good, I’m good, I’m good, I’m good / living life just like I should / wouldn’t change it if I could / I’m good, I’m good, I’m good

When the song ended, you lifted your head up and finished your half of the wrap. Rafe paused the next song playing and smiled down at you gently, “You are the smartest person I’ve ever met, if anyone can beat this asshole bio professor, it’s you.”

“I am pretty smart, huh?”

He didn’t answer, just laughed and leaned down to kiss you on the forehead. You didn’t know what you could do without him.

Three: Blood // Water

It got out of hand before you could stop it. You were tired all the time because of work and your roommate was stressed from school, and her new boyfriend was a huge slob. He used your utilities and ate your food and didn’t pay a lick of rent.

You’d been fuming about it for months, but it really came to head when you realized how often he was staying over and she wasn’t giving you a heads up. One afternoon, you were watching TV on the couch, a rare free afternoon that you wanted to spend in your underwear, no one was home anyway. So you thought.

Your roommate had class, but she’d let her boyfriend in and he’d been sitting in her room without you knowing. Just as you settled in, her door flew open and you shrieked, grabbing for the nearest blanket to cover yourself up with. He stared at you, mouth hanging open.

“Dude, stop fucking looking, what the fuck?!” you yelled, and he slapped a hand over his eyes. Taking the opportunity, you ran to your room and slammed the door shut. He had to go, the boyfriend either needed to stop living rent free or stay out of your personal space.

By the time your roommate made it home, you’d had time to get yourself really really worked up, and you were ready for a fucking fight. Rafe had called at some point and tried to calm you down, but talking it out with him only made you angrier, and he eventually gave up, telling you to not let her walk all over you.

She walked in and toward her room, but you stopped her right outside it by clearing your throat. Maybe, for a more constructive conversation, you could’ve started it better, but you went straight in with, “So do I need to buy Marcus a housewarming gift or is he going to live somewhere else anytime soon?”

She frowned at you, “What?”

“I’m not paying 50% of the rent if your boyfriend is gonna be here as much as I am. I’ll gladly play a third of the rent, but I’m gonna need him to contribute if he’s going to use my hot water and eat my food.”

Your roommate took a defensive stance, “He’s not here that much.”

“Oh yeah? Well then why did I go to wash my work uniform, only to find his shit in the washing machine?”

“That was a one-time thing, he stayed over a few nights and ran out of clothes.”

Fists tightening, you drew yourself up, “Okay, tell me, when’s the last time he went home?”

She paused to think and you nodded, emphasizing your point. Before either of you could say anything else, there was a knock at your door. Your roommate opened it and saw Rafe standing outside. With a huff, she turned back to you, “Well while we’re at it, talking about boys being over all the time, what about Rafe?”

Your jaw dropped, “Rafe isn’t eating your food and showering at 3 a.m. and WALKING OUT WHILE YOU’RE SITTING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.”

Rafe’s eyes widened, he’d never heard you yell like that before, it was rattling. Your roommate had, but never at her, and she looked taken aback before narrowing her eyes, “Why the fuck were you just sitting in your underwear?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I not allowed to do that in the comfort of my own home?”

“Not when Marcus is around.”

You threw your hands up, “That’s the fucking point! I never know when he’s around or isn’t because you don’t have the courtesy to give me the heads up!”

She stepped closer to you as if to shove you, but Rafe stepped between the two of you, putting both of his hands on your shoulders, “Hey, bud, hey, look at me, okay?”

You fought against him, trying to get another look at your roommate, “Never compare that asshole to Rafe, at least Rafe can hold a fucking conversation. You’re dating a piece of wet cardboard.”

“Babe,” Rafe warned you.

“Babe,” she mimicked in a high-pitched voice, “you do everything he tells you to, doormat?”

Rafe’s hands tensed on your shoulders and he narrowed his eyes, “Marcus, better get your ass out here and help me. You’re the root of the whole fucking problem.”

Her bedroom door opened slowly and a very sheepish looking Marcus stood there with a pair of her shoes in hand, “Let’s go for a drive, huh?”

Rafe kept you in place until the other two had left and you sagged into his hold. You couldn’t stop the tears that started falling as soon as the door slammed shut, and Rafe pulled you into a hug. He stroked your hair, “You’re just tired, babe, it’s going to be okay.”

You sniffled pathetically, “Why won’t she just be fucking accommodating.”

He pulled you behind him to your room and shut the door behind you. It was nighttime, and the room went dark immediately, until Rafe turned on the fairy lights you had hanging around your bed. He sat down and patted the empty spot next to him, “You remember when you called me to come hang these damn lights up?”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped, “Yeah, you hated me for it.”

“I didn’t hate you, but I wasn’t thrilled.”

Leaning into his side, you sighed, “Did I just fuck things up?”

Rafe wrapped his arms around you and laid down, arranging the two of you on the bed so that you were partially on top of him before he spoke, “I don’t think so. Y’all have been friends for so long, I’m sure she’ll come around.”

You played with his shirtsleeve for a few seconds before looking up at his face. He was already looking down at you, soft smile on his lips, and you stuck your tongue out playfully at him. Rafe laughed and lifted his hips up to fish his phone out of his pocket.

“Oh, you got a song for me?” you asked, leaning further onto him.

“Maybe. You want some angry vibes?”

“Hmmm, I think so, yeah.”

He picked a song after a few seconds and laid back fully, shutting his eyes while you started to hum along. It was catchy.

Look me in my eyes / tell me everything’s not fine / or the people ain’t happy / and the river has run dry

Rafe smiled with his eyes closed as you climbed off the bed to start jumping around. All your angry energy started to drain as you read from the lyrics on your phone.

The price of your greed / is your son and your daughter / what you gon’ do / when there’s blood in the water

You grabbed his arm, trying to pull him up to jump around with you, but you weren’t nearly strong enough. Rafe laughed at you, eyes finally open again, until you huffed and tossed his arm back. He stayed down watching you as the song built.

I am the people / I am the storm / I am the riot / I am the swarm / when the last’s tree’s fallen / the animal can’t hide / money won’t solve it / what’s your alibi

It was probably for the best your roommate had left because if she was still there, she’d be furious with your screaming. By the time the song ended, you were breathing heavily and Rafe was laughing. Collapsing on top of him, you tried to catch your breath.

Rafe brushed an errant strand of hair out of your face, “That was beautiful, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled, “Felt good, thanks for the assist, Cameron.”

The smile slowly fell from his lips as he kept staring at you, and you were confused. Before you could ask what was wrong, he shut his eyes and leaned up to kiss you.

It wasn’t totally unexpected. You’d thought about it a few times, and you were pretty sure he had too, but he’d never said anything, so you figured it was out of the question. So, while you weren’t prepared, you were happily surprised.

After a few seconds to work through the shock, you started kissing him back. He kept it short, you figured he would with emotions running as high as they were in you.

“Anytime,” he told you, brushing your lips with his thumb.

Four: Let You Down

Your boss informed you that there was nothing that could be done. That the department was going through budget cuts and they’d be laying people off. Unfortunately, since you were the youngest, you were the first to go.

The early shift was your normal gig, you always woke up around 5 a.m. to get ready and get coffee, and that morning, you woke up to a missed call and a message from your boss. Rafe was still sleeping, so you unplugged your phone and took it with you to the kitchen to listen to the message while you made coffee.

After turning the kettle on, you brought the phone to your ear, and immediately regretted it. You missed the first part of the message, but got the gist from, “So sorry to have to let you go, with the cuts in our department, we have to make hard decisions- “

And you didn’t really care to hear the rest. Three years of your life wasted on that place that promised you a job post-grad, and then just cut the rope. Your hands were shaking and you shut the kettle off, deciding to just go back to bed and cuddle with Rafe until his alarm went off.

Unfortunately, Rafe was a light sleeper and woke up when you tried to get back into your spot next to him.

“Babe, wha?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Nothing,” you whispered, “go back to sleep.”

Rafe squinted at you, “Don’t you have work?”

You sighed, “Not anymore, I got let go.”

He sat up and you groaned, not really wanting to hash it out with him at 5:30 in the morning. Fumbling to switch the lamp on, Rafe pulled you into a hug with his other arm and you couldn’t stop yourself from sinking into his arms.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I know you liked that job.”

“They told me like two fucking weeks ago they were looking at a managerial position for me. I just, I don’t know why I was on the first list of cuts.”

Rafe huffed out a laugh, “I wish I could tell you, but unfortunately, I can’t get into the mindset of actual buffoons.”

Your lips quirked up, “They are buffoons, aren’t they?”

The two of you sat in the middle of the bed for who knows how long, just hanging onto each other, and you were almost back asleep when Rafe moved again, this time to stand up. You glared at him, “Can’t we sleep?”

“We can nap later, but I want to see the sunrise.”

He grabbed his keys from the desk by the door and you followed him out to the kitchen. There was a place the two of you had gone before, near the reservoir, for sunsets, but you’d never done a sunrise before. You started the coffee making process again and pulled on one of his sweatshirts while he leaned against the wall, looking up what time the sun rose.

“It says 6:40 so we have plenty of time to get there.”

“Car sex,” you offered jokingly.

“Make the coffee, babe,” he dismissed, pulling you in to ruffle your hair.

You shoved him away, pouting, “I can’t make the coffee when you’re manhandling me.”

He didn’t let you push him far, grabbing onto your hand where it was pushing his chest and pulled you back to him. The smell of coffee filled the kitchen as he hugged you. Your face was buried in his chest and the two of you just breathed together until he pulled back enough to catch your lips with his.

You pushed up on your toes, leaning further into him. He loosened his grip on your hands and you slid them up to cup his jaw. It was quiet in the kitchen, the only sound coming from the coffee maker and the slight hum of the air conditioner. You basked in it.

Rafe suddenly dropped both of his arms to your legs and lifted you to sit on the counter. The sudden movement startled you into letting out a little squeal of surprise, but he swallowed it up with another kiss.

You draped your arms over his shoulders and he leaned all of his weight on the counter. In the background, you barely heard the coffee kick off and your roommate moving around in her room. Rafe brought a hand up to stroke up and down your thigh, fully distracting you again.

The two of you only broke apart when Rafe’s alarm started going off. He pulled away, annoyed, and then cursed when he realized what time it was. Helping you down, he told you, “We’ve got 30 minutes to get to the res.”

After quickly fixing two to-go mugs, you let Rafe pull you out of the apartment to his truck. For once, he didn’t pick any music, just let the radio play softly in the background while the two of you sipped on coffee. You rolled the window down and let one arm hang out the side.

Rafe reached over and grabbed your other hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss softly without looking up from the road. You grinned at him, “You’re soft as fuck, Cameron.”

He laughed, “Only for you, sweetheart.”

The sky started to lighten as the two of you drove and you left turned your focus back out the window. By the time Rafe parked, the sun had started to rise, and Rafe finally plugged his phone in to play a song.

“Something soft?” he asked.

You nodded and queued up something before hopping out. Rafe grabbed a blanket from the backseat and pulled the tailgate down. It was the blanket the two of you normally sat on to watch the sunsets, so you assumed Rafe wanted to sit back there together for it.

Grabbing the coffees, you walked around the truck to join him just as the song started playing through the speakers.

Feels like we’re on the edge right now / I wish that I could say I’m proud / I’m sorry that I let you down / let you down

You climbed up with him and settled in, your back against his chest. Rafe rested his chin on your head and you shut your eyes for a few seconds to let it all soak in.

I feel like every time I talk to you, you’re in an awful mood / what else can I offer you / there’s nothing left right now, I gave it all to you

“What am I going to do?” you whispered to Rafe.

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” he told you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

All these voices in my head get loud / and I wish that I could shut them out / I’m sorry that I let you down

“But we’ll figure it out,” he told you, sounding totally sure.

The sun slowly crept up as the two of you sat in silence, both hoping that things were going to turn out okay.

Five: You Make My Dreams (Come True)

“I hate men,” you said from your spot laying on the floor, “why are they the worst.”

Rafe laughed, nudging your hip with his foot, “Come on, sweetheart, I think some Waffle House will cheer you up, huh?”

“Nothing can cheer me up right now. Maybe alcohol.”

“You can’t get drunk.”

“Why not?” you demanded, a little childishly.

“Because you have an interview tomorrow, and it’s just a game.”

You were offended, staring at him open-mouthed, “I know you didn’t just tell me that the Leafs getting eliminated from the playoffs is just a game.”

Rafe didn’t respond, just kept looking at you, hand held out to help you up from the floor. You huffed and stubbornly stayed down, “No, I will throw myself off a balcony before going with you for that disrespect.”

With a sigh, Rafe bent down and pulled you up, you fighting him the entire way. He shook you gently, “Knock it off, mamas.”

“No, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“I can carry you, and I will, so you may as well just walk.”

Which was a good point. You crossed your arms and tilted your chin up, “Fine, Waffle House it is.”

“Fine,” he agreed, following you out of the apartment. Rafe tried to start conversation a few times during the walk to the Waffle House down the street, but you weren’t having it. After blatantly ignoring his attempts, he finally gave up.

“Rafe,” you asked, after a few seconds.

“What?”

“Can you play Hall and Oates? I think it might be good for me to hear.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Are you going to have a breakdown on the side of the road if I play it?”

“No,” which was a total lie and both of you knew it, but Rafe, being the accommodating boyfriend that he is, played it.

What I want, you’ve / And it might be hard to handle

And your eyes immediately filled with tears, just like both of you knew would happen. Rafe wrapped you into a hug while you cried, still playing the song so you could let it out.

Oh yeah, well well you / you make my dreams come true

Sniffling, you told him, “I thought it was their year.”

“I know, baby,” he soothed, hand running up and down your back.

“I want them to succeed and be happy.”

Again, he said, “I know.”

“It’s mostly the refs’ faults anyway, you know the league is dedicated to sucking Bruin dick.”

Rafe snorted, “I do know, yes.”

Softly and sadly, you sang along, “You make my dreams come true.”

The song finished and Rafe tucked his phone away, giving you one last squeeze before pulling away. You sighed and the two of you resumed walking toward Waffle House. He told you, “My dad is a big Bruins guy.”

“WHAT?!”

+ One: Outnumbered

Throughout your relationship, Rafe was always the more put-together one. He always had his shit together while you tended to be a little louder and messier. While you had some experience with handling him in this state, it wasn’t much.

You figured something must’ve been wrong when he didn’t answer any of your texts, but you weren’t sure what. He’d flown home for Thanksgiving, he normally didn’t because it was only a few days, but his sister was going to be in town and he hadn’t seen her in a while. You were invited, but your parents wanted to visit you for the day, so you stayed behind.

When your parents left, you stayed in and watched football, not really wanting to do anything except talk to Rafe who promised to watch one of the games with you over FaceTime. Unfortunately, it was halftime and you hadn’t heard from him.

In fact, you didn’t hear from him until that night. You were getting ready for bed when your phone finally vibrated and you answered it, mid washing your face.

“Hey, bubba.”

“Hey, babe.”

“Get caught up today?” you asked, rinsing the cleanser off.

He laughed humorlessly, and you felt something in your stomach, “I did, my dad had some thoughts he wanted to share with me.”

“Bruins fan dad?”

“The very same.”

You grinned, “Well I’m sure they weren’t valid then.”

Rafe paused for a few seconds, “Well, maybe they were a little valid.”

“Tell me what he said, and I’ll let you know for sure.”

It was silent, you could barely hear Rafe’s breathing, before he continued, “Just that I’m wasting my time. And I’m gonna come running back to him when I can’t get a job with this pointless degree.”

Which, where the fuck do you even start with that. Then, you remembered, scrambling up, you told Rafe to hold on while you grabbed your laptop and pulled up Spotify. You’d found a song and been saving it to show him, but there was no time like the present.

“Listen to this song I found.”

He hummed in agreement as it started up.

Don’t tell me this is all for nothin’ / I can only tell you one thing / on the nights you feel outnumbered / baby I’ll be out there somewhere

You felt unsure as the song went on and he didn’t react. The song played on, you tapping your fingers against your knees anxiously. Normally you could tell what Rafe was thinking based on his facial expression, and you wish you’d switched to FaceTime before starting the song.

There’ll be days when it’s difficult / but I ask you never leave behind the reciprocal / we’re past that / love is not designed for the cynical / so we have that

Rafe didn’t speak again until the end and it sounded a little choked up, “You found that one for me, huh?”

Slamming your laptop shut, you hit the FaceTime button and waited to respond until you saw his face. Rafe’s eyes were red and his cheeks looked wet and you just wanted to hug him.

“Yeah, that was for you.”

“I love you, you know?” he asked, “probably should’ve waited to tell you in person, but.”

You laughed, “Probably so, but I love you too, Cameron.”

“I’m coming home tomorrow instead of Sunday, come over?”

Settling into your bed, you smiled at him, “Yeah, just let me know.”

His soft smile was burned into your memory that night as you fell asleep restlessly, ready for him to be home with you again.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #rafe fic #outer banks fic #outer banks #obx #college rafe

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girlsbtrs · 4 years ago

Text

How Being a Woman in Hardcore Helped Me Learn to Love Myself

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross.

Since this is my first piece written for Girls Behind the Rock Show, I figured that I should introduce myself; hi, my name is Jennifer, but most people call me Jen. I live on Long Island in New York, and my favorite things include my cats, the color pink, giving gifts to my Animal Crossing villagers, and watching sports. Above all else, however, I love music.

I frequently refer to music as the love of my life. It somehow plays a role in everything that I do. I got my first iPod when I was five years old, stacked with everything from Miranda Cosgrove and Avril Lavigne to Tool and Deftones. Some of my favorite memories growing up are sitting in my pink and purple bedroom singing and dancing along to Paramore’s crushcrushcrush and Fall Out Boy’s Thnks Fr Th Mmrs on the local alternative radio station. I danced for 12 years, played cello for seven, and am currently a wannabe ukulele rockstar after buying one on impulse and starting to teach myself how to play four years ago. Even on the simplest, barely noticeable levels, music has been everywhere in my life for as long as I can remember; even now, I can’t complete a basic task without a song playing in my headphones.

Music became an even bigger part of my life when I started attending live shows. I went to my first concerts at age 10, seeing my two favorite artists - Nickelodeon boy band Big Time Rush and classic progressive rock band Rush - within one month of each other. By the time I was 15, I had been to my fair share of arena/seated shows with one or both of my parents, from Fifth Harmony to Fitz and the Tantrums to Alice in Chains. My first general admission show was seeing the Foo Fighters at Citi Field with both my mom and dad when I was 12, but my first pop-punk general admission show (yes, they’re different) came a few years later. I had the typical list of favorite bands that you would expect from a young teenager getting into alternative music: Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, and State Champs.

In late 2018, I was able to see all four of these bands for the first time, and I am a firm believer that it changed the course of my life. I met, cried-during, and eventually got the setlist for Neck Deep at Stereo Garden on Long Island in September. I sang all of “Untitled” at the barricade for Knuckle Puck at SI Hall at the Fairgrounds in Syracuse in October. I had my first minor concussion scare (yay!) before Real Friends’ set at Irving Plaza in New York City in November. Finally, I crowd surfed for the first time during State Champs’ anniversary show for The Finer Things at House of Independents in Asbury Park in December. After just a few shows, I had fallen in love with this new brand of live music that I had just been introduced too. There was something so magical to me about skin covered in sweat and Sharpie marks, feet hurting from dancing in the pit all night, and meeting strangers on line outside the venue who would become your best friends and know your deepest secrets by the end of the night.

After making some friends at all of the pop-punk shows I was going to, they started to tell me that I should get into hardcore music. I was hesitant at first - the heaviest thing I had listened to at that point was nowhere near the snippets of hardcore that my friends had played for me - but, eventually, I decided to give it a chance. I was bored and home alone with nothing to do one night over the summer of 2019 when I listened to my first hardcore album, Laugh Tracks by Knocked Loose. Immediately, I got that gut feeling that you have when you know you’ve heard one of your favorite bands for the first time. I knew that this was something special that I was meant to find at this point in my life. For the rest of the summer, I worked my way through the rest of my friends’ hardcore and hardcore-adjacent recommendations, with Cost of Living by Incendiary, Stage Four by Touche Amore, You’re Not You Anymore by Counterparts, Time & Space by Turnstile, Springtime and Blind by Fiddlehead, Smile! Aren’t You Happy by Absence of Mine, Bad to my World by Backtrack, and Reality Approaches by Harms Way being some of my favorites. By the time the next school year started, I was hooked, and I already had tickets to my first few hardcore shows in the fall.

My first hardcore show was in November 2019, seeing Knocked Loose at Webster Hall in New York City - fitting, right? They were on tour supporting their new record A Different Shade of Blue, which I had become obsessed with the minute I heard it for the first time. Although I was ridiculously scared of getting stepped on and breaking all my bones (yes, that was an actual fear of mine), I had the time of my life at that show. There was something about this newer kind of live music that prompted a cathartic release, one that I hadn’t found anywhere else before. As soon as the show was over, I was counting the days until my next one.

My love for live hardcore music (and live music and hardcore music in general) has only grown since then, and that story sort of ends there. However, I want to go back to that first hardcore band that I listened to, Knocked Loose, and the album they put out that first summer that stole my heart. I was taken by storm as soon as the first notes of A Different Shade of Blue rang through my headphones, but something was different about the third track, A Serpent’s Touch, particularly the ending; I heard a voice that sounded a little bit more like my own.

This song features Emma Boster, who does vocals for one of my favorite hardcore bands right now, Dying Wish. When I heard A Serpent’s Touch for the first time, though, I had no idea who she was. I was used to the aggressive vocal delivery of frontmen in hardcore, particularly that of Knocked Loose’s Bryan Garris, but hearing it come from her changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s not like the song was super angry and changed its tune to be lighter once the token girl came along; in her verse, Boster sings, “I watched the venom / Overcome your spirit / Jealousy holds you now / Distorting your appearance / Bleed out.” These were lyrics that held the same intensity that the lines screamed by the men held, and they sounded just as cool coming out of her mouth. As cheesy as it sounds, it had never even occurred to me that women had a place in this new world that I had discovered. The audiences in the live videos I watched (and eventually at the shows I attended) were made up of mostly men who looked bigger and older than me. When I did start going to shows, most of the non-man population consisted of my friends and I. Emma Boster, along with so many others, began to open my eyes to the fact that a place for people like me existed in this community. It didn’t matter that I had bright red hair or liked butterflies or wore pink - I was just as much a part of this magic as the men multiple feet taller than me with tattoo-covered arms, and I belonged there just as much as they did.

As time went on and I got more involved in the genre’s music and community, I discovered more bands with women in them, and it only fueled this fire of empowerment inside of me. When I felt insecure, I’d watch live sets from Krimewatch, a hardcore band from New York City, just half an hour away from my hometown. They have multiple women as members, including their energetic badass of a vocalist, Rhylli Ogiura. Year of the Knife became one of my all-time favorites, and their bassist Madison Watkins became a serious inspiration to me; the way that she can balance killing it on stage and running the cutest, most pink apparel brand I’ve ever seen (aptly titled Candy Corpse) amazes me. Even some of the bands I’ve found more recently have had an impact on me. I started listening to Initiate last year when their EP Lavender came out, and their beautifully colorful cover art caught my eye before I had heard any of their songs. Their vocalist, Crystal Pak, is also a woman, and she’s insanely talented. Discovering this kind of representation in this new universe that I had come to feel so at home in introduced me to a world of confidence and determination that I had never known before.

When people ask me why I love hardcore so much, I often give the easy answer; “the music sounds good.” If the person allows me to ramble on for a little longer, the answer becomes much more emotional and cheesy. Hardcore taught me that speaking up for what I believe in is important, and if there’s something I’m passionate about, it’s worth shouting about. I became familiar with this when listening to one of my favorite bands ever, Incendiary (the second hardcore band I ever checked out), before quickly realizing that politics are a pretty common topic within the genre - it’s what this music was practically built on. The first time I heard their vocalist Brendan Garrone singing about police brutality and injustice on songs like Force of Neglect and Sell Your Cause, I realized that there is so much more to music than just sounding good.

However, at its core, the thing I love so much about hardcore is what it taught me about being a woman. Growing up, I was the loud girl with the personality bigger than the room who always had something to say and had a never ending supply of excitement about just about everything. As I got older, I was taught that this was not okay. People didn’t like how enthusiastic I was about everything, or that I constantly had new ideas and new discoveries I wanted to talk about. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like everyone around me was trying to dull my sparkle, especially some of the men that I was encountering on a day-to-day basis. Even when I started to come to terms with my big and bright personality, in turn also coming to terms with my own femininity, I was told that this wasn’t how girls acted. I had to pick one - I could watch Disney princess movies and wear Hello Kitty hair clips, or I could be outspoken about my beliefs; but never both. The women that I mentioned earlier, along with so, so many more, helped me unlearn these toxic mindsets. Seeing someone like Emma Boster take the stage and scream ferociously for a full set helped me see that I could be a girl and still be a powerhouse. Following Madi Watkins around on social media showed me that I could love bands like Year of the Knife and also love heart-shaped purses and wear pink from head to toe. My aggression and passion didn’t make me any less of a woman, and my femininity didn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with.

So, at the end of this love letter to hardcore and the women who run it, I say this; thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to shrink myself anymore. It has made a world of a difference.

#jennifer moglia

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karofsky · 4 years ago

Text

Definitive “Furry or Not A Furry” Ranking of Every Glee Kid

Yeah.

Rachel - used to be a furry when she was younger and was looking for a community. grew out of it, thinks it was kind of cringey of her but appreciates the online friends she made

Finn - not a furry, but not super weirded out by them. would absolutely be a Bag Bitch at a con if Kurt and Sam needed help

Kurt - became a mild furry after Sam introduced him. he's not a suiter or artist but he sews suits/parts and accessories and makes bank selling. has a fursona (it's some kind of cat) that he commissioned Sam for

Mercedes - not a furry. does not understand furries. supports Kurt and Sam anyway

Tina - 100% a furry, but on the DL. she has a lot of online friends and gets sucked into drama in communities a bunch. sparkle dogs were made for Tina

Artie - furry by proxy. he likes to say he's into monsters and creatures but that's not true

Quinn - not a furry, thinks it's weird and gross bc she's uninformed, and even after she still is kinda like "eh..."

Puck - not a furry but reads furry nsfw comics. unfortunately probably one of the most informed on everything furry, even more than the actual furries

Santana - 0% furry.

Brittany - 100% furry. she’s obsessed with suiters and has a ton of OCs

Mike - not a furry, kinda uncomfy by it but in like, a normal "i just don't get it" way

Sam - the biggest furry. didn't have a lot of friends growing up, was really into niche sci fi and fantasy things, found solace online. fell into furry community easily, met a lot of LGBT people across the world (which is why he's so comfy with it). got big into art because of it, now a pretty well known artist. has a fursuit and plans to start making and selling them as a main source of income. he and Kurt table at cons together

Lauren - not a furry. furries are gross

Blaine - another former furry, basically in the same boat as Rachel. doesn't like to talk about it but still has a few friends from the community. 100% read Warriors. when he and Rachel "dated" the secret came out and they spent 2 hours ranting about the books and never spoke of it again

Dave - not a furry initially. had 0 idea what furries were actually. still not super a furry but in his attempt to be informed during the short PFFLAG stint Kurt brought it up, he got researching into it. he follows a few artists on twitter. he also commissions a fursona from Sam and has a small folder of fursona art now bc he wants to support people. fully embraces the community and likes that it’s a positive source of LGBT content and friendships for youth

Jesse - not a furry but like Puck, knows a surprising amount. thinks Rachel's past is endearing and encourages her to get back into it

Becky - former furry, definitely self-hating furry now. I think once she graduates and is out of a toxic environment w/ always being around Sue she would casually get back into it. 100% still checks on her Neopets

Rory - not a furry but his brother is so when he and Sam become close, Rory is really into talking about it.

Sugar - Schrodinger's furry. I literally can't tell if she's fully against furries or is an obnoxious furry

Joe - not a furry but "jesus didn't say anything about furries" so he doesn't care. maybe just don't yiff

Unique - furry! Unique started as a fursona when she was 10-11 and the persona carried on after

Sebastian - makes fun of furries until he realizes he can't be a good person and also bully a bunch of 12 year olds. still kinda gives Dave shit for it, but in a friendly way

Marley - not a furry but she was in a lot of creative communities so she was furry adjacent. doesn't really care, thinks their art and suits are cute

Jake - no.

Ryder - has a fursuit from when he was 12-13 that he begged his parents for. still can't get through holidays without his entire family roasting him. he definitely knows who Sam is and has been an avid follower

Kitty - NOT a furry. she cannot stress enough how much she is not a furry. she loves HORSES.

Brody - zero knowledge about furries. Rachel begs Kurt to not tell him about her past because she doesn't want him to know. Kurt continuously drops hints that go right over his head

Adam - learns about furries from Kurt. definitely teases him, lovingly Elliott - Not a furry but knows of them. Always loved the passion people put into it, and like Dave appreciates that it was always an LGBT friendly space for others

Dani - 0% furry. Probably made fun of them, actually. Santana kinda shuts that down eventually bc she saw how happy it made Britt

Roderick - doesn't really know much about furries and is kinda of "meh" because of it. would probably feel uncomfortable around a fursuiter but is nice enough to kinda just let people live

Jane - another former furry. Warrior Cats girl. she still gets emotional thinking about feathertail's death. she never got into the "furry" community but was definitely involved in a lot of Warriors and wolf OC roleplays

Mason - furry adjacent, because:

Madison - aggressive furry. constantly getting in drama online and off. she and Tina have definitely fought before online. though she is very active in calling out scammers and abusers so people forgive her aggressiveness because she also does a lot of good. she has like 70 characters

Spencer - not a furry, but much like Roderick, lets people be. slightly more skeeved, definitely will make uncomfortable jokes about it

Alistair - doesn't know much from furries other than general memes and stuff, will kind of joke about them but thinks they don't deserve as much hate as they get

Myron - idk honestly he's just a fucking wildcard

#glee #as a furry these are all 100% accurate I will take no criticism #mine

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sometipsygnostalgic · 4 years ago

Note

When'd you get into Adventure Time the first time, and how'd it happen? Been thinking of giving it a watch (especially after all the good stuff that's been said of Obsidian and, admittedly, all the stuff I've seen you post and reblog), and it got me curious

This is like my favourite story, and it is the only good one I remember from being a teenager (life from back then has been super foggy since I moved out of my mum's but it is all good now):

When I was 15 I made a new friend who wanted to write a comic about Teen Titans with me as the artist, TT being my second-favourite childhood show after DBZ.

I started bingewatching Teen Titans because I now had a computer and was able to do so. I learnt about the voice actors.

Starfire was played by Hynden Walch. I learnt that Hynden's latest role was Princess Bubblegum on Adventure Time. I checked it out on wikipedia. It seemed kind of cartoony for me.

One thing that caught my eye is when the wikipedia page said PB "may have had a past relationship" with Marceline, the vampire girl with the really pretty hair. I was confused by this, and rationalised it to myself as they must have had a history as friends or enemies. It didn't say what kind of relationship and I thought there was no chance of it meaning "romantic".

For the time being, I didn't look into AT further.

A couple months pass. After several months of tension, I get a text while in school telling me that my dad was breaking up with his fiance, and I would need to move back into my mother's place immediately. This was smack bang when I was about to start my GCSE exams - the timing couldn't be worse. My mother's house is a shit hive and I went between having a tiny box room to myself or sharing a messy bedroom with my sister and mother. There were no standards for hygeine and there wasn't a stable supply of food.

I decide to finish my binge watch of Teen Titans. I spend all day doing this every day. I rewatched it once I was done. It was what I did to cope.

At the same time, my Teen Titans comic friend confides in me. She tells me she thinks she might be a lesbian, and she is scared her parents will reject her. I sympathise deeply. At the time, I was waist deep in the closet to the point I couldnt accept certain things about myself either, but having a friend come out to me made me reconsider LGBT matters.

I looked on deviantart and saw some art for "RaeStar". I thought it was wrong to ship them (I shipped RobStar hardcore) but, well, the art was so cute. Their interactions were healthy and sweet. It was nice. This became my low key first gay ship.

Then, I start bingeing RebelTaxi's Teen Titans video reviews.

Once I am dry on Teen Titans content, I see RebelTaxi did a review on Fionna and Cake, and on Ryan North's Issue #2 of the Adventure Time comic.

The first video, Fionna and Cake, was appealing to me. The show had an amazing art style, and a decent sense of humor. I loved that they did something for the fans, making a genderbent fanfic episode based on popular fan characters. It was unprecedented and very post modern.

....But it was the SECOND video that made me take a very sudden interest in the show.

RebelTaxi was referring to a scene with PB and Marcy in the bottom of the Lich's bag. There is a joke where Marcy turns into a tentacle monster. RebelTaxi always makes hentai jokes when tentacle monsters are involved, but he interpreted this scene as referencing the characters' "lesbian undertones".

...Wait, WHAT? Hynden Walch's character and the pretty vampire have Lesbian Undertones?!?! Haven't I heard this somewhere before?!?!

A quick google search of "Adventure Time Lesbian Undertones" later, I discover the Mathematical! Controversy - how an episode with some incredible songwriting seemed to imply they had been girlfriends in the past who have residual feelings for each other. A podcast had been made by the producers fangirling about this possibility, but it was taken down, and the director fired. Nobody had outright said the subtext was not there, but they said they didn't want the podcast to sound like word of god. There had been a lot of upset in the gay community over this. Oh, by the way, there's a gay community of cartoon fans who really ship PB/Marcy.

With a combination of everything, from how my friend had just come out to me and was struggling with homophobia, to how I was a Hynden Walch fan, to how the show had already impressed me with what little I'd seen, I became IMMEDIATELY invested in finding out as much as possible about these potential LGBT characters and their relationship.

So I checked out a ton of Adventure Time videos on youtube. I checked the vids that had Marceline's backstory in, vids with funny moments from PB and all the other characters, I checked Deviantart for fanart where I made my first engagements with the fandom's gay community, I checked the Wiki talk pages to get ALL of the discourse. It changed who I was basically overnight.

I decided Adventure Time was a fun show with clever writing, and absolutely worth my attention. During the break for exams, I binge watched it all day, and then I would cram for my GCSEs between midnight and 3am on the day of the exam. I was addicted!

When I caught up, Goliad aired. This was the first ep to come out with me being in the fandom.

At the time, even though Hynden had drawn me to the show, Marceline was the character I was most invested in. She had the amazing backstory and music and character design. PB was fun, but there was relatively nothing to her character.

Oh boy, that ALL CHANGED with Goliad! People were intensely debating what the episode was saying about her. Is she a good person, a bad person? Why was she so troubled in the episode's opening, and why was Goliad corrupted?

Discourse only escalated with Princess Cookie. The top post on the wikia was "Is Princess Bubblegum evil?"

Thinking about her character was so interesting for me. These two episodes made me realise PB was a character with her own internal battles, who was struggling with the responsibility to do what was right for her people vs what is the Right Thing, with her own psychological wellbeing caught in the middle. My interpretation of Goliad was that PB was a naturally neutral person who had decided to be good, whereas Goliad had been corrupted by Jake's anger, and this contrasted with Finn who was a pure good person. The Princess Cookie episode reinforced my ideas, because she was doing something that was neither objectively good or bad but was a result of her own morality, and it went against Jake's morality. The idea of the "good guys" having such different values was so engaging, and they managed to come around at the end, with baby-snaps being submitted to rehabilitation.

Princess Cookie was also the first episode where PB was shown to be an adult while a currently adult character was a child. Either candy people age quickly, or - more likely - Pb is keeping her age a mystery. After thinking about this, I opened up a page on the wiki forums saying "Is Princess Bubblegum Old?"

This is what sealed my position in the fandom. I became a well known regular of the community after that, on Wikia and then Tumblr. It was my first fandom. So many good memories of theories, debates, analysis and fanart, the satisfaction of my theories being confirmed in season 5 onwards.

The most important thing to me, about engaging with the AT community, was how those initial interactions around the LGBT content were the groundwork for me being comfortable coming out of the closet. If it wasn’t for that, if it wasn’t for speaking specifically to Thisfreemind and Illeity about how gay relationships are perfectly fine and healthy for kids to see, and no less clean than straight relationships, I might be a person with far more conservative views today, and I might have fallen out with several of my closeted friends over internalized homophobia.

I would have also probably failed high school. My grades improved drastically over the next year, because my online community life had made me happier. It was comfort and stability during a difficult couple of years.

#adventure time #atimers #bubbline

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camxnoel-updates · 4 years ago

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[PREVIEW OF CAMERON’S INTERVIEW FOR GRUMPY MAGAZINE]

Cameron Monaghan reflects on his rise to stardom with Liana Liberato

Cameron Monaghan is the type of actor who has proved throughout his many years working in the industry that he can do it all. As he just turned 27, Monaghan has claimed his own space at the forefront of a generation of actors committed to telling stories that are relevant to today’s society. Growing up in Florida, Cameron has been climbing the steady road to success for over 20 years, diving into television, film, and now video games. He was that deeply disturbed kid in cult sitcom Malcolm in the Middle, and had screen time with Hollywood royal Meryl Streep in The Giver. But his major break came when he was cast as Ian Gallagher in Showtime’s Shameless and became a fan favorite. Since, his outstanding performances have been critically acclaimed, including his interpretation of “the Joker” in FOX’s Gotham.

At the beginning of the lockdown, Cameron connected over the phone with his longtime friend Liana Liberato — who he came up in the business with — to recall their first audition together and reflect on his eclectic career — discussing his most iconic roles in TV shows Shameless and Gotham, as well as his recent acting experience on video game Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. It was 2PM in Los Angeles — on the other end of the line, Cameron cheerfully greeted his pal with a mischievous ‘‘Liana, it’s 2:03PM. This is unacceptable and so unprofessional.’’ The actress apologized before adding, ‘‘Do you regret asking me to do this?’’ This was a clue about their great complicity, and Cameron’s warm and jovial personality — to the point he started flipping the interview to question Liana as well.

On growing up in Florida, influences, and first approach to acting…

“I was very young when I started. My mom was a single parent who worked two jobs, so she did her best for me. But that meant that I spent a long time by myself, entertaining myself with movies and TV. I was a hyper kid and I didn’t really focus well, so my mom got me involved with local community theater and commercials. She needed something to put my energy to and I actually really enjoyed doing it. […] I grew up in the 90s and one of the movies that blew my mind as a kid was The Matrix. I would play on the playground, pretending to be the characters from it. We would fight each other — which we probably shouldn’t have done. As for actors, I was very strange. I really liked Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, Gary Oldman, William H. Macy — who I actually ended up working with for many years on Shameless.”

On his evolution as an actor…

“When I was younger, I was so much more interested in how the plot functions, and some of the mechanisms of that. As I get older, what interests me more is humanity, how characters interact, what it’s trying to say about how we relate to each other, how characters change over the course of the story. I think that a really well-written relationship, saying something interesting about a person’s morality, or what they do in a time of struggle, is so much more interesting to me now than any amount of tools or special effects. […] I love when you’re able to have a story where the characters are so well-defined. There’s something really enjoyable about that, and some sort of emotional catharsis in that. I feel like the reason why we do our job, why we become activists or artists, is to express the stuff that is somewhat broken or challenging.”

On signing onto Shameless at 15 and evolving with a character for a decade…

“I had a pretty even ranking of success. I wasn’t one of those kids who became really successful at a super young age and get all of this responsibility, money, and fame thrust on them at one time. I was lucky that I spent enough time around people who made smart decisions. Also, all the people who I worked with on the show were really supportive and interesting. I learned a lot from them too. We formed a little family who we’re all still tight with. We all support each other and call each other out when they’re making bad decisions. […] I still feel like I’m learning so much and growing as a person. Some of the times, the character was going through specific struggles and those struggles happened prior to me in my own life, or sometimes some of my own personal things were then reflected back within the character. Being able to put that and have a symbiotic relationship with your character over the course of the decade, it’s a really interesting exercise, and something that I’m lucky to be able to have done.”

On why Shameless is so important to today’s society…

“It’s interesting because when the show came on air 11 years ago, the landscape of American television was a little bit different. Now with all the streaming platforms, there’s so much more about family dynamics that are more uncensored, and speak more frankly about sexuality, poverty… When you’re 15-16 years old, talking really openly about things like sexuality, and maturing through adolescence, is an interesting thing. It was a little bit scary at first, but it was also something that I’m really happy to have been able to do. It allowed me to reflect on myself, learn, and become comfortable with who I am. […] I’ve heard from a number of teenagers who were gay, in the closet, or struggling to come to terms with certain things that my character or other characters in the show really reflected what they were going through. That’s always amazing to be able to hear about that.”

On taking on the role of the Joker in Gotham…

“A lot of times, I would finish up on the set of Shameless, get on the plane, land in New York, and literally go straight from the plane to work on Gotham. While I loved the Shameless set, crew, and the cast, it is nice to be able to always experience other things outside of it. You learn so much each time you step foot on a different set. […] When I filmed my first episode of Gotham, it was just a few years after Heath Ledger played the role in The Dark Knight and won the Oscar. He became the most iconic person to touch that role. That’s saying something considering he was following Jack Nicholson. No one else had played that role since then up to that point. That was intimidating, but it was also really exciting and a huge honor. I liked what they were trying to do with the character. It was something very different, and distinct from the movies and the media that had come before. It was a really unique opportunity.”

On diving into the world of video games with Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order…

“I had never done a video game before. I’ve played games for most of my life, and I’ve really appreciated how they’ve matured and grown over the last decade. Right now is an interesting time as an actor, because so much is based off of media that people are familiar with, and there’s a challenge. You have to take that, and make stuff that still feels human and still says something about you as a person. That’s my interest with it — trying to see if there’s something about the character in a story that raises interesting questions, because otherwise what’s the point of doing it? […] We had a lot of really great and wonderful conversations with the creative team, our writers, Lucasfilm story group, and all of the actors about what we wanted to say. So much of that story is about dealing with trauma, guilt, and things that were out of your control when you were younger or in your life. Pretty much every character in the story has experienced loss — how they grieve, or how they come to cope with the loss defines them as a character. Being able to access the story from that angle was what made me want to do the job.”

On dealing with the level of heartbreak and rejection inside the industry…

“There is a certain level of […] all of these things that you do have to learn how to deal with. Ultimately, it takes a certain level of acceptance and trust in yourself. I want to represent the things that I value, and the things that I find interesting and important. Right now too, with all the quarantine and the fact that we, as actors, don’t have the ability to work, it is very frustrating. It’s difficult, but I think all you can really do is try to either make opportunities for yourself, or work on yourself. I know for me, I’m writing and talking to friends who are trying to do stuff. […] I think that I’ll probably be an actor for the majority of my life, unless I get to the point where I either fall out of love with it, or if I feel like I can’t perform to the best of my abilities.”

FULL CONVERSATION AND STORY WILL APPEAR IN GRUMPY MAGAZINE’S ISSUE NO.16.

#i adore him!!#i'm excited to read the whole interview!#hope it comes out soon!!!#cameron monaghan #shameless #shameless us #ian gallagher #star wars #jedi fallen order #star wars jedi fallen order #cal kestis #gotham #jerome valeska #jeremiah valeska #mr j #the joker

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peace-coast-island · 3 years ago

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Diary of a Junebug

The trail of the Whispering Winds

The Moonlit Woods transforms into a different place after midnight. It's still as eerie as ever, but in a different way though - as in different vibes. I hardly venture out here for good reason so when I do, it's usually with a group, preferably those versed in magic and supernatural stuff.

Last time I came to the Moonlit Woods was with Team Magic - Pippa, Mariposa, Angie, and Willow. While hunting for gyroids we came across an old travel log and found a cocostar tree, which is super rare, so we struck gold with that discovery. Being with the girls made me feel a bit more confident about venturing into the woods so since then, planning out my next adventure has been in the back of my mind.

Speaking of Team Magic, the girls are looking forward to coming back for another gyroid event. Mariposa's been working with Daisy Jane on gyroid designs since then and they're pretty much ready to go. We just haven't been able to set a date yet because the girls are busy with school and college apps but they're hoping to drop by sometime in the near future.

Instead of Team Magic, we have a new group accompanying us in the woods. They don't have an official name but they have been working as a team for years. There's Taiki, a freelance exorcist who comes from a family that has dealt with the supernatural for generations. He's a friend of Miki's, having gone to the same university together.

Nene's his best friend from his hometown - she actually spent a semester at Tome U so she also got to know Miki a bit. She's also the artist Rika has been following, the one who just set up a Patreon and is in the process of getting her webcomic, Seven Wonders, published.

Haru is what they call an untethered spirit. He used to haunt the halls of the school Taiki and Nene went to before it was demolished. Basically Taiki contacted Miki who contacted her brother and his friends at the consultation center so they can find a way to keep Haru around. I only know this because Mikayla asked for some sparkle stones and essences a while back.

Then I got curious and decided to do a bit of research. Turns out there's a lot of different kind of procedures that have varying results. So what Taiki and the others did was no easy feat and they succeeded either by luck or some other factors. In other words, Haru's still a ghost or a spirit, but now he also has a physical form. He looks young - 13 or 14 at the most - but he's obviously a lot older than that - though for the most part he's like any other guy as far as I can tell.

Nene is an artist and the author of Seven Wonders, a webcomic about a girl who befriends a spirit who resides in her school. The story's loosely based on her life - as well as Taiki and Haru's. She started writing it a few years ago, originally a side project to keep herself busy. Then she began updating it regularly and grew a following, prompting her to expand the story. The webcomic then reached international audiences when Taiki offered to translate her work into English so that's when it really started taking off.

The three of them go way back, having first met almost a decade ago. Nene managed to summon Haru in hopes of granting a wish, similar to what happens with the main characters in Seven Wonders. The two end up in a series of misadventures that result in them being bonded by a curse, resulting in Nene being connected with the spirits of the school. Then Taiki came along with the intent of exorcizing spirits such as Haru, only to end up befriending him.

They've been through a lot together, even defying fate (Haru's words) so they can have this future they're living in right now. From what I've heard, dealing with the supernatural - willingly or not - always has a price to pay. It's one of those things where no matter how lightly you tread, you'll step on a landmine either way.

In other words, there's always something to lose.

Taiki was never one to have a "normal" life considering that he comes from a family of exorcists. He has an older brother and younger sister, both who are powerful and pretty well known back home. Miki mentioned that he hasn't really spoken to his family much since moving out. According to Nene and Haru, Taiki was close to his brother, having looked up to him a lot back in the day. Nene and Miki have both speculated that the rift between Taiki and his brother was probably one of the reasons why he decided to stay in Mina Creek instead of going back to Inazuma.

Nene stuck around Inazuma before deciding to join Taiki. Even after graduating she stuck around the school to see Haru, working as a janitor so she'd have an excuse to be there. But when Taiki graduated the following year, the trio didn't see much of each other. Taiki went abroad to Tome University and while Nene still visited Haru and the other spirits, she had to focus on her studies.

Then Nene signed up for a study abroad program, which happened to take her to Miki and Taiki's school. I remember Miki talking about helping out this freshman who was an international student. She said he was struggling quite a bit so it was lucky that they ran into his old friend - his senpai, as he called her back in the day. During her time there while reminiscing with Taiki, Nene was inspired to write Seven Wonders so that's how it all began.

Nene ended up dropping out of university after that semester so she became an artist/content creator while working as a school janitor. Along with that she was also the bridge between the living and the spirits, a role she carried since becoming Haru's assistant when they first met.

In the years that followed, Nene and Haru got involved in supernatural affairs while Taiki offered his assistance once in a while. Things were going well until the school had to close due to financial problems. If that wasn't bad enough, the city was going to demolish the school and a bunch of other old buildings in that area. So Haru was in a tight spot as he would have nowhere to go since he couldn't be outside of the school. And as for Nene, she didn't really have anywhere to go either since being a janitor was what kept her afloat.

Thankfully Taiki and the others were able to come up with a solution or else Nene and Haru wouldn't be here with us. Taiki made the offer for Nene to join him in Mina Creek, something which she was understandably on the fence about. She says she's been adjusting to the move a lot better than she thought, probably because she has been here before so it's not too drastic of a change.

However, it's a big leap for Haru considering that he's been restricted inside a school for years and now he's in a foreign country surrounded by a lot of unfamiliar things. He does seem to be a fast learner - Nene and Taiki were surprised at how quickly his English's improving and if I didn't know, I'd think he'd been studying the language for at least a year or so. Taiki's obviously quite fluent while Nene's sorta in between - Taiki serves as an interpreter when they need a bit of help, which is pretty much what he does during his non-exorcist job.

So far Nene's enjoying life at Minai Creek, though she admits to missing home. She finds the change in scenery intimidating but also necessary. On one hand she's sad to leave the school and the other spirits but at the same time she feels it's probably for the best. Haru's holding his own, though Nene worries about him as the changes they're going through can't be easy on him. She's also worried about Taiki too, especially since it seems like he's completely cut off his ties from his home - by that she means his family.

Nene definitely comes across as a big sister/mom friend. Taiki sometimes calls her onee-chan, which is a way one addresses their older sister in Japanese. I've met Taiki a few times before and I see a different side to him when Nene's around. Or maybe it's because this is the first time I've really gotten to know him? He just seems more ...himself? open? ... when he's with Nene and Haru. It's sweet how much he looks up to Nene - whenever he talked about her in the past you can tell how much he respects and admires her - and now that I finally meet her, I can see it. I think Nene and I are gonna be good friends.

Taiki's had his eye on the Moonlit Woods for a while as there's a section that's kinda dangerous to tread if you're not well versed with spirits and such. Only the bravest exorcists venture there to help clean up the place a little and contain the bad karma by doing what's necessary. He did his research extensively before considering going to that place due to rumors of seasoned exorcists being ill prepared and becoming corrupt, which is the worst case scenario.

Since strength lies in numbers, Taiki needed a reliable team to keep things under control and make a speedy retreat if necessary. Haru and Nene's connections to the spiritual world are valuable, especially since Haru has a bit of a pull with certain higher status spirits that can come in handy in case things go south. As for me and the campers, we're kinda the brute force, serving as the muscle and sort of an anchor to keep the others grounded. Something about certain spirits having an effect on those who can see and interact with them and taking advantage of that by blurring the lines between reality and delusion so we have to keep them from straying.

I don't know how the trio does it, especially Taiki and Nene. To live between mortals and spirits is not easy, more of a curse than a blessing to many. For people like them, they have no choice but to fulfill their roles - Taiki in damage control and Nene in being the communicator. And for Haru, being a spirit who voluntarily chose to stay in the world of the living after being bound to one through a curse, I can't imagine that being easy on him either. There's a lot to unpack with these three and whether I'll get to know the full story or not, it's clear that there's a lot on their shoulders.

Like I said, there's always a price to pay when it involves things beyond our understanding. I just hope that it was worth it. Me being cautiously optimistic, I'd like to think it was or else they wouldn't be together.

The Whispering Winds trail, as expected, was full of perils. On one hand, it was kinda good that I was kept in the dark in an ignorance is bliss sorta way. But that also makes it a bit harder to know exactly what's going on. In a place where the spirit world and mortal world becomes blurred, it gets disorienting, to put it simply. We know we're there when us mortals can see some spirits so it's important to keep our guard up.

There's a reason why they call this trail the Whispering Winds. I heard voices from all around - it wasn't a pleasant experience, to say the least. It was jarring at first but then I grew numb to it. Still, it was an unsettling feeling - 0/10 do not recommend. This is why it's best to go in a group because unexpected things will happen so it's better to be (over)prepared.

In between exorcism rituals we did a bit of sightseeing, which helped lighten the mood. Haru introduced us to some spirits he knew to be harmless and they served as guides through areas they were familiar with. Taiki and Nene did most of the heavy lifting when it came to the rituals while the rest of us stood guard. From what I've seen, it looks like a lot of work - the kind of thing you should leave to the professionals.

All around us were these blue light orb things - spiritual remnants that serve as trail markers according to Haru. Depending on the traces the remnants can leave behind, Nene can manipulate them to open up new pathways. The deeper we go into the trail, the harder it is to navigate as it's supposed to be like that for good reason. Nene's the only one who can directly interact with stuff like that so people like her are the ones who really are granted access to forbidden parts such as these. According to Haru, he and Taiki can't touch them because it can cause trouble due to their blood - meaning it's off limits for exorcists and spirits.

The light orbs also gave us some much needed visibility as well as an eerie glow. When things got quiet, it sorta felt like we were just walking down a long, dimly lit path. When things start to get a bit hazy, that's when it was time to investigate. The feeling is heavy, almost suffocating - a heavy burden to bear indeed. When the heaviness is gone, we move forward, going as far as we can before hitting a dead end. From there, our trek is over and instead of venturing a different path, we go back the way we came, careful not to disturb the newfound peace.

It was an interesting experience - again, it's probably for the best that I don't know too much about it. There's a whole 'nother world out there with exorcisms, spirits, psychics...as curious I am about these sorts of things, I respect that it's not my place when it comes to certain aspects. It's a fascinating world out there but we can't experience or begin to understand certain things that are beyond our scope. It sucks sometimes being just a bystander or outsider but it is what it is.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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beckkii · 4 years ago

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Love Yourself

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works your created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

tagged by @mollyinthewater !! aww thank you so much for tagging me molly :)) <33

ok let me think...

1) Someone to Stay

this is definitely my favorite entrapdak fic! it’s only a one shot, but it’s about 8k words even though i planned for it to be much less xD it was my first entrapdak fic, too! it’s kinda funny to look back on because i was so scared to post it since i was new to the fandom. but, it was well received, which was super encouraging :D and now i’m pretty involved in the fandom! :)

Hordak knows his lab partner well enough by now, so he’s quick to notice Entrapta’s sudden shift in behavior. Less loud talking, less jumping around here and there with her hair, less excitement and liveliness.

And while he initially tries to ignore it all and let whatever spell had taken over her pass, that doesn't exactly work out as planned when the sanctum suddenly goes dead silent one day.

(Set in late season 3)

2) Change of Plans

anddd this is probably my favorite detroit: become human fic! i wrote it out on a whim during quarantine (i even remember drinking whipped coffee while i wrote it, remember that trend?) and i really like how it all turned out! the perfect amount of angst and hurt/comfort for my fav hank and connor duo <3

Maybe his breakfast isn’t a gourmet meal, and maybe it’s way too early for his liking, but at least it’s somewhat peaceful in his house. Sure, there’s the roaring blizzard outside, and the occasional groan of his house as the framework shudders under the wind’s force. But still, it’s calm inside. Normally Connor would be bright and chipper even at this early hour, blabbering about something or another and-

Wait.

Connor.

Hank straightens up in his seat, suddenly wide awake.

Connor isn’t anywhere in sight.

—

A one shot in which Hank wakes up early one morning to a blizzard raging on outside and a quiet home devoid of his partner.

That is, until he finds the bathroom with the door shut tight.

3) Stuck in the Past

i have a love/hate relationship with this fic, but i gotta include it because it’s def my biggest fanfic accomplishment! i love it because it’s the first fic i ever posted, it’s super long, AND i never gave up on it, but i hate it because the beginning has SUCH bad style and i definitely included some plot points that were just plain rediculous that with wish i never included xD plus, it’s got some really angsty themes that i wish i had toned back on a bit, but overall the ending is happy so i’m glad i finished it!

Connor, ever since he became deviant and had escaped from Amanda’s clutches, felt safe, content, and in control. After all, he lived happily with Hank and his dog after Markus and the androids led a peaceful protest. What was there to be concerned about, anyway?

That was what Connor believed until, however, a nightmare led him think otherwise. With new thoughts of feeling as if he could lose control of his program to Amanda yet again and become a danger to Hank, Connor can’t help the rising worry within him. And while he tries his hardest to hide his fears from Hank, that plan may not work out exactly as he hopes.

Note: This fic deals with suicide. If you’re sensitive to that topic, please read with caution or refrain from reading. Stay safe my friends <3

4) Brightest Star

ok so this fic isn’t finished yet and i started it JUST at the end of last year, but so far i like how it’s coming along and i’m so excited to write all of it! when i first joined the entrapdak community, i promised myself i wasn’t gonna write a multi chapter fic more than a few chapters, but i just love hordak and entrapta so much that i HAVE to write a longfic about them. so, here we are, 6 chapters in! :)

After all of the chaos of the war, Hordak is now free. Well, from Horde Prime, that is. The princesses certainly don’t think so, and they don’t appear too keen on allowing him to be anytime soon.

Except for Entrapta. Through everything, she stays there by his side, remaining as a comforting constant amidst this new and unfamiliar life post war. And Hordak, of course, greatly enjoys her companionship.

...More so than he realizes, it seems.

5) ‘Dating’

this was the second entrapdak fic i wrote, and i really like it! it’s kind of funny because i wrote this back when i didn’t want to fully commit to a longfic but still wanted to include some shippy slow burn stuff, so it’s about 3 chapters at 10k! it was also my first time writing something that was pretty shippy, so it was a fun learning experience for me!

“So, what’s it like? You know, dating geek princess?”

Hordak’s brow furrows at her words.

…Dating?

Hordak wants to ask Entrapta on a date after first learning about the concept from Catra. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

ok, that’s it! :D i’m not sure who to tag because i’m not sure how many of my mutuals are also content creators of any sort, but if you’re a mutual of mine, please do this!! i’d love to see your work <3

#thanks again for the tag molly!! <3

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nothinglost1976 · 4 years ago

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Stan Headcanons (Incomplete)-

Various AU-verses

•Hogwarts House - Ravenclaw

•Daemon (His Dark Material): Weasel named Eriphus.

•Circus Au: Stan would do aerial ribbon and aerial hoop. It’s the closest thing to actually flying he can get and despite the distance from the ground, he absolutely loves to let himself go when he performs. Sometimes during a hoop performance, he’ll involve some of the birds that perform. They’re his favorite partners.

•Subject(Maze Runner) - A23: The Intellect (Immune: Med-Jack)

•Zodiac House(Zodiac Novel Series): Cancer

•Fraction(Divergent) - Erudite

•District(Hunger Games) - District 3

•Half-Blood Camp(Percy Jackson) - Son of Pan

•Superpowers - Zoolingualism (Communicate with Animals), Biokinesis (Biological Manipulations), Thiriokinesis (Animal Control)

•Omegaverse(ABO-verse) - Depends on who his partner is.

*As an Alpha, he’s highly protective of his mate. His normally cool and composed behavior is still mostly there. His usual disposition slips a bit when a rut is active. He scents his mate a couple times daily. His scent smells similar to a pine tree.

*As a Beta, Stan is basically his usual self. He’s good at keeping both alphas and omegas calm.

*As an Omega, he’s a highly doting omega. Still his usual composed self unless he’s in a heat. He’s mildly more aggressive when trying to give himself to his mate. His scent is close to s’mores. He likes to be scented as often as possible.

•Darkest Minds - Orange

•Zombie Apocalypse AU: Weapon of Choice - His bird book and a club decorated with nails

•Supernatural Creature: Either Vampire(has purple eyes, Omni-Psionickinesis) or Witch

•Assassin AU: Bow & Arrow (tips usually dipped in an undetectable poison) or knives/blades of some sort (also dipped in same poison as his arrowheads). His Creed tattoo (located on his wrist where he can cover using a watch or a wrist band/cuff):

Headcanons

•Despite not having seen his friends in years, Stan has every book by Bill (as well as any movie adaptation) and every performance done by Richie(Saved/Downloaded). He also has merchandise from Richie’s shows (usually shirts). Anything that was made and sold by the other Losers, he has (at least a few of each product).

•The only two pets Stan has are a parrotlet named Galaxy and a canary named Lady. He cleans their cages and dishes twice daily.

•He listens to a lot of The Beatles and The Mamas & The Papas but when he’s alone, he listens to a mix of basically everything.

•Stan tries to get over his fears by attempting to watch horror movies by himself but he usually shuts it off ten to twenty minutes into the movie.

•Stan can play piano and violin like a pro. He doesn’t play in front of his friends or anyone really. He’s shy about anyone hearing him.

•He’s demisexual. He’s only had a handful of close enough connections that he’d even consider being in relationships with. He’s a (mostly) gentle lover and is versatile (Switch). If you obey what he says (because he likes his control) then he stays pretty gentle with things. If you don’t, he gets more firm/rough/Dominant

•Stan has six tattoos in various spots. One for each of the Losers. Each tattoo is the size of either two fingers or the palm sized. The tattoos on his waist are all below his pant waistline. You have to remove the pants to see them.

*Richie’s tattoo. It has a ribbon wrapping around that says Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier. It’s palm sized and is located on his lower (almost on his upper thigh) left hip.

*Eddie’s tattoo. The words are replaced with Eddie Kaspbrak. It’s the length of his wrist and the size of three fingers. It’s located on his right hip, just as low as Richie’s.

*Bill’s tattoo. It’s angled. The scribble line is written to say Bill Denbrough. It’s the size of two fingers and the length of his middle finger. It is located between Richie and Eddie’s tattoos.

*Bev’s tattoo. Beverly Marsh is written in neat little red scrawled letters along the box lines. The size is of two fingers. It’s located just below the neck between his shoulder blades.

*Ben’s tattoo. Instead of birds, it has Ben Hanscom floating away in a cloud of colorful dust. It’s palm sized. It’s located on Stan’s right shoulder.

*Mike’s tattoo. It has Mike Hanlon written on a ribbon that flows between the flowers. This is actually his biggest. It goes from the middle of his fingers to his wrist. It’s located on the middle of his back.

•Each tattoo is Stan’s reminder of who his friends are, who his family is and the six people he loves the most in his life.

•Sometimes if Stan can’t find the words he wants to express the way he’s feeling, he’ll use music.

•Stan doesn’t drink much. One or two is the most. If he drinks more than that, he tends to get flirty and very touchy. And pretty horny.

•Stan likes musicals. He won’t admit he does but he does. He can sing along to most of them (usually his favorites). He also enjoys Disney movies for (most of) the music.

•He can wield a sword as well as shoot a gun and bow & arrows. After the Losers ordeals, he learned to protect himself by fighting back.

•In one verse, Stan is actually a tattoo artist. Still canon divergent but after the first clown incident, he changed and when he left he became a tattoo artist. He’s the one that made Richie, Bill and Eddie’s tattoos and tattooed them himself.

•Stan doesn’t verbally say I love you often. He prefers to show it in the things he does for his loved ones. If he tells you I love you it’s because he does and feels the need to vocalize it.

•Stan won’t sing in front of anyone. Not even the other Losers. He gets shy and embarrassed if anyone hears.

•Stanley would convert his religious beliefs for the one he’s with if they asked him to.

•Stan doesn’t like people touching what’s his. Be it an object or a lover, he hates people touching. Least of all without permission. He’s okay if someone has asked to touch whatever/whoever but not without permission. If you don’t ask his lover for their permission, he’s going to be upset even if he doesn’t say it.

•Stan has actually had a few thoughts/dreams where he’s had a complete meltdown. One that always triggers him into panicking is the Losers having failed in their first battle against Pennywise and he has to watch as It tears each of the Losers apart and devours them slowly. His own death is never what brings him to tears. It’s the whole idea that his only friends and family that he truly loves and adores could be taken from him because he couldn’t save them. Usually if he’s around the others, he dismisses himself to hide away and let it all out. Then he cries a lot and hard and he becomes a total mess. One of few times that Stanley Uris loses his cool and collected disposition.

•Stan suffers from depression and PTSD(because let’s face it, after THAT ordeal, who wouldn’t??). He gets in modes of depression where he does actually inflict self-harm. He chooses to inflict his wounds in spots that he doesn’t think will be caught or seen by any of the other Losers. He has made two actual suicide attempts. One with a bottle of pills (his mother found him and he was brought to the hospital) and once by cutting his wrist (again found by his mother. She freaked out(for obvious reasons) and had him committed for four days). His usual inflicted locations are his upper thighs (hidden by shorts), the underside of his upper arm (usually hidden by his shirt sleeves), hips (below the waistline of his pants), and if he’s in a really dark spot then the side of his neck (really close to his jawline).

•If something comes up (usually when he worried or scared) he’ll grab onto someone’s hand or wrist and just hold onto until whatever has him panicked or freaked out is gone or over with. Sometimes he tucks his face away in their shoulder or neck

•Stan doesn’t say I love you often to people but when he does it’s because he truly loves them and completely trusts them with his life. Rarely does he ever actually say the words “I trust you.” out loud.

•Stan is hard to read as is but sometimes if you check his eyes (that’s where all of his emotions can be read if you’re good at reading how he’s feeling) you’ll know if he dislikes someone or holds hostility towards them. That and the venom and ice in his words.

•While Stan is shy about singing, he will sing while drinking/drunk. He will also serenade people in those moments. (It doesn’t happen often. It’s SUPER rare! Plus he has to be far enough gone (Like nearly blackout drunk) for it to actually happen.)

•Stan is master at Avicii Invector (Nintendo Switch game). He is also a Pokémon Master! He likes playing various games.

•The only way you way you know if Stan is drunk is because he is completely different than he is sober. He’s far more outgoing and boisterous. He is a hardcore flirt (a minx as Eddie so kindly put it) and it’s pretty easy to convince him to get into your bed. On top of that he likes to sing/serenade people and dance. He’s no pro but he is pretty good at dancing.

•Stan is a quiet person. He doesn’t yell or scream (even when he’s upset). It would take a lot for Stan to scream over anything (his nightmare of Pennywise ripping apart and devouring the Losers is one).

#it stan #it 2019 rp #it 2017 rp #it 2019 #it 2017 #it roleplay #it rp #stan uris #stanley uris #stan uris rp #stan uris roleplay #stan the man #imstantheloseruris #headcanon #headcanons

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theprodigypenguin · 4 years ago

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K, L, and Q??

K - Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms:

UMMMMM YES.

@chromiwrites You were an imperative influence in my steady descent into DeuAce hell. My casual interest that sparked after reading the novels blew into full blown obsession after reading First Time and I’ve been crashing in it ever sense and I adore you for it. Additionally your writing has become a MASSIVE inspiration to me in just a few months, I aspire to illustrate scenes and emotions as wonderfully solid as you do.

@arielxlazarus Talking to you is an absolute blast, I think we talked until 1am the other night and I ended up absolutely exhausted at work the next day but tbh it was worth it because you have absolutely slammin music taste and I’m honored you’ve shared it with me. Plus you’re aroace and that makes me feel like we have something cool in common. AND you’re a writer, which I haven’t read your full fics yet, but I’ve read descriptions and bookmarked them on my laptop to read later because they look SO. GOOD.

@zetomato THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME CONSTANTLY RANT ABOUT SABO TO YOU CUZ I KNOW IT PROBABLY GETS ANNOYING I’M SO SORRY I’M JUST A STUPID MINDLESS SIMP, I’M A FOOL. I HAVE NO BRAIN. ONLY SABO. ALSO YOUR ART LITERALLY GIVES ME LIFE, EVER SILLY COMIC STRIP AND ILLUSTRATION IS MIND BLOWING AND GORGEOUS AND FRANKLY I’M JUST HONORED TO HAVE DISCORVERED YOU THROUGH THIS WACKED OUT WEBSITE! And thank you so much for involving me in the process of your writing because the fic is SO GOOD so far and I’m so excited to read the rest of it!

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike):

Bellamy had wonderfully surprising character development that genuinely and unironically impressed me, and I’m super pleased especially at how he literally dropped the knife and backed out of assassinating Luffy simply because he wished him luck.

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why:

Jeddy from the HP fandom. Not because I hate it, but I am just so sick and tired of JKTERFling’s absolute bullshit. I’m sick of it, and I don’t want anything to do with her or her bullshit anymore. I tried getting around it, separating the art from the artist, tried to enjoy that content despite the fact its creator is LIKE THAT, but I couldn’t. It was too hard and too painful. It made me nauseous, and if it made ME feel that way, I can’t even imagine how painful it is for the trans community that grew up on her books. Couldn’t handle it anymore, and I’ve been feeling a lot happier since I essentially left that fandom and started selling all the merch I wasted money on. I do miss a lot of the friends I made and still think about them all the time and love them to death and hope they’re doing well [[@beedragony, @bettercallmemalfoy, @scarshavestories]] but I had to separate myself from that content before I really lost it. The other people in the fandom had nothing to do with me leaving, because everyone I met and became friends with were STUPENDOUS and wonderful people. It’s all on me and what I thought would be best for my mental health.

#penguin's monday ask game #penguin answers asks #fandom talk

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girlsbtrs · 3 years ago

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Women in Hardcore Part 2: Lexi Reyngoudt

Written by Jennifer Moglia. Graphic by Moira Ashley.

Welcome back to the second installment of this new series on Girls Behind The Rock Show, consisting of interviews with women and gender-diverse people in the world of hardcore and punk music. We’re hoping that these conversations will shine a spotlight on some of the most inspirational, powerful non-male people in the genre today, and show our readers that music has no gender, regardless of the genre - if you want to be involved in hardcore, you can be involved in hardcore, and your gender identity should never stop you from doing so.

This part of our series is an interview with Lexi Reyngoudt of SPACED, a brand new hardcore band from New York. Their first demo came out this summer, and the love they’ve received for it has been genuinely inspiring.

I got to chat with them about how their involvement in the genre started, what being in the band has been like so far, and what the future holds for her. In a time where so many conversations can be exhausting, chatting with Reyngoudt really recharged my mental batteries, so to speak, and got me excited about hardcore again.

Jennifer Moglia: Thanks so much for taking the time to do this! Could you introduce yourself to our readers?

Lexi Reyngoudt: My name is Lexi Reyngoudt! I am 25 years old and I grew up in a small town called Holley in western New York. My pronouns are she/they.

JM: How did you start listening to hardcore? Do you remember what first got you hooked?

LR: I began listening to hardcore in 2016 and I started out listening to mostly Every Time I Die. I didn't get super hooked on the genre until the first time I listened to the album “Laugh Tracks” by Knocked Loose. That record is what really got me into hardcore and helped me discover more bands.

JM: What is it about hardcore that made you love it and want to be a part of it? Do you still feel that way about the music and the community now?

LR: I attended my first hardcore show at the Waiting Room in Buffalo to see Every Time I Die play one of their Christmas shows. This was my first experience with hardcore and I began to listen to more bands afterward.

I didn't fall in love with the scene until 2019 when I went to see Have Heart play one of their reunion shows outside at the Worcester Palladium. It was so cool to see so many people come together for one band and I was able to discover so many cool bands that day!

I've grown to love the hardcore community even more now, especially with how well-received SPACED's first demo has been.

JM: How did you get to be involved in hardcore, particularly joining SPACED?

LR: Our guitarist Donny was also my tattoo artist and every time I would get tattooed by him we would end up talking about music. After the Have Heart show, I was getting tattooed by him and told him about how I wanted to get more involved with Buffalo hardcore but wasn't really sure where to start.

He mentioned that I should start a band, to which I said I didn't think I had what it took to be in a band since I don't play an instrument. At my next appointment with him, we started to tiptoe around the idea of starting a band together and getting our friends involved too. Next thing you know, he and the other guys in the band were laying down instrumentals and we were writing lyrics for the demo!

JM: Do you think that the genre of hardcore as a whole could or should have more representation for women and gender-diverse people? Is there anything you think could make the genre a better place for you or for others?

LR: Absolutely! I've met some really welcoming people in the hardcore scene, but there are unfortunately a lot of people still who don't want to make it more inclusive. One of the main reasons SPACED became a thing was to get more representation and diversity in hardcore.

I try my best to discover bands with people of color and non-men in them because those bands need as much hype as possible. It's hard being a non-white male trying to put yourself out there and making a band because it's so intimidating.

I think if we encouraged inclusivity and welcomed more people into the scene it would help immensely.

JM: What helps you feel welcomed as a woman/gender-diverse person in the world of hardcore?

LR: I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by people who encourage making the scene more diverse. The guys in the band are so supportive of me and want more non-men and POC to be welcomed into the scene as much as possible.

Like I said before, it's scary putting yourself out there like I did when joining SPACED. This is my first band and I have no prior experience, but when we went into the studio for the first time and I got into the vocal booth, the guys did nothing but praise me and hype me up to make sure I was as confident as possible! I'm so thankful to be in a band with guys who I can trust; all it takes is for more men to be like this to help make the scene more inclusive.

JM: What would you say to a young girl/gender-diverse person who wants to get more involved in hardcore but might feel intimidated or nervous?

LR: I would, first of all, give them my number and tell them if there was any hardcore show they wanted to go to, but were too scared to go to alone that they could always ask me to come with them! Going to shows can be scary, especially if it's in a scene you aren't familiar with!

Making friends who want to go to those shows with you is the best thing you can do for yourself because it can ensure that you will have a good time. Who knows, maybe your friend who doesn't listen to hardcore would fall in love with it if you brought them to a show!

JM: A lot of times I feel as if women/gender-diverse people in hardcore are seen as just that, a non-man in the genre, and nothing else. What else are you passionate about?

LR: I went back to school during the pandemic to get my degree in English education so I can become a high school English teacher. I've really grown passionate about education and making it better for students in the future.

As far as hobbies, I actually really love anime and K-pop! When it comes to anime I love collecting manga and have been working on getting some cosplays together for when I feel safe enough to go to conventions again.

As for K-pop, that was something I really dove into at the beginning of the COVID-19 quarantine. I love discovering new groups and collecting albums. I also make and sell jewelry when I have free time.

JM: Congrats on the release of the demo with SPACED! What has the response been like so far? What's your personal favorite song on the demo, and why? What was playing your first show like? Feel free to include anything else about the band here, I really dig the tracks and am excited to see what's next for y'all!

LR: Thank you!! The response has honestly been kind of overwhelming, but so cool. This is my first band so having this many people be interested in something I'm doing is such a crazy feeling.

My favorite song on the demo is “THINK I AM.” I love the message that it has about how you shouldn't have to listen to what people say or tell you to do. I'm big on being my most genuine version of myself because what's the use in hiding who you really are?

Our first show was so much fun. We played in this weird abandoned parking lot and I saw a lot of my friends who aren't even that into hardcore come out to support the band. Honestly, I can't remember much of the set, but I do remember how much fun I was having up in front of everyone!

JM: Thank you so much again for chatting with me! What's next for you and the band? Is there anything else you want to say?

LR: Right now we're working on some new songs and plan on getting back into the studio as soon as possible. We have a few shows coming up; we're playing with Gag in Cleveland on October 30th and with DARE and Life's Question in Wilkes Barre on November 8th! We're looking forward to getting some new tunes out and being able to travel and play to as many people as we can!

Once again, huge thanks to Lexi and to SPACED for doing this interview and for their amazing music and uplifting presence. You can find them on Instagram @SPACED_HC and Twitter @SPACEDHC. Keep your eyes peeled for the next interview in this series, coming soon!

#jennifer moglia

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