#like straight up the got locked up for being too silly meme

[wallapology]

In the Toymaker’s crib like oh my god girl im silly too. wanna take adderall together 🥺👉👈

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yandere Hitman (No, not the game franchise.)

You know that trope where big quiet scary Hitman man who is known for being so skilled and heartless that you need him to at least tolerate you first before placing a hit. Or else he would just straight up kill you when he thinks you're mildly impolite.

Yeah that AND you, the reader, as the only soft spot for BQSHMM (Big Quiet Scary Hitman Man).

No don't give me flak about how this is just a bootleg of [Insert similar character here] because you are wrong, this is inspired by every Stoic and Brooding Contract Killer Character Ever and Batman even though I have never watched any movies or read any comics about him.

All I know that he :

Rich

An orphan

Can punch

Quiet

Does parkour

Hot buff nerd with all 20/20 vision

Acted by Christian Bale at least once

Have a family of other bat millennials and bat gen z's

Hates clowns

Wear smudged eyeliner

fast car

Cool belt

I get my sources from tumblr, occasional memes and snippets of batman conversation I happen to be in. I don't know if they are canon or not.

And also actually heavily inspired by the Korean movie Door Lock (2018) , except in this fic you're the ONLY victim <3

And this fic is just something to make your pussy or bussy or nonbinarussy throb, nothing too serious. Goes without saying, don't do this shit irl.

Enjoy.

Tw: AFAB reader, yandereness, violence, sex things, non con, somno oral, basically smut

(pt 1 out of 2)

You don't know squat about the underworld. Naive, innocent little you, still thinking that the black market is like a farmer's market except the vendors are selling not-so-legal-or-Farmer-y stuff such as... Oh, I don't know, like... Unpasteurized Milk?

You never once dabbled anything remotely legally dark, not even jaywalking. You are a law abiding citizen, following all the rules to a "T".

Oh, the Irony. You caught the eye of a person who kills people for a living. And that is highly illegal. Probably more illegal than Jaywalking.

He is lean and muscular with a large frame. Yet, so stealthy like a fucking cat that can squeeze through a dime sized hole with no noise and no complaint. Face, hands and basically vulnerable parts of his body like the neck are scarred from previous missions.

Stare into his eyes and you will see a void. All humanity has been scraped clean, who gives a shit if granny falls to her death in front of him? He doesn't see her as human or animal, simply something invaluable. At most, he's going to be slightly irritated that her blood got onto his coat and he is running out of peroxide.

No one catcalls you anymore. They're all dead or silenced in his own, crazy, silly way. Like getting their tongues cut off, or getting lobotomized (and miraculously surviving) to get the point across to everyone in the overworld and the underworld.

He is like what Santa is to kids in the 60's, he watches you 24/7. Knows if you've been good or bad. He could be watching you from a roof, using his rifle scope . And using his sniper rifle if he sees a threat.

Fresh syndicate criminals sees you as meat, a leverage to control the world's more notorious assassin. Seasoned ones know to stay the fuck away from you. Veterans know to not even think about or look at you. Your Hitman stalker is like a bloodhound for things that threatens your safety, as soon as anyone looks at you wrongly, it's bedtime forever.

It doesn't even take a look. He just knows if you're thinking about it. Actually, he takes no chances, everyone he doesn't trust is dead. That includes just about everyone he meets. Really puts the fear in the hearts of huge crime rings when he managed to leave the decapitated heads of their best men on the doorstep of their supposedly 'unknown' and 'unidentified' and 'anonymous' leaders.

From there, no matter how many of their members he kills off or WHO he kills off...gangs, mafias, crime syndicates and corporations knew not to go after him OR you. It's just not worth it, they're better off just cutting their losses and advising their members to steer clear at all costs.

This one man band is so scary that he gains protection somehow. Why?

Well, imagine this:

A rookie hitman decided to execute the most foolish task and try killing him.

So the rookie gets captured as expected and gets tortured.

Rookie says Mafia X sent him.

The entirety of Mafia X is going to disappear in a week unless someone can give Big Scary Gary Stu Hitman OC an explanation, saying Mafia Y framed them.

Then Mafia Y will be in deep shit. Provided Mafia X managed to convince them or else BOTH X and Y will get fucking nuked to bits.

But hey, business is good on his side. He's everyone's default hitman to go to (if you have the money), because it's almost always a 300% success rate.

Why 300%? It's because he's going to kill the intended target (and their entire family), the one who paid him and a person who is at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Hmm. Maybe the guaranteed death of the customer isn't good for business. As long as you follow the rule of thumb:

Don't be a dick.

Then you should have a pretty good success rate. Maybe.

You really can't tell.

Make a comment about his only joy in this world, which is you, the reader, and you're (not the reader) is getting instant death. It's like saying Voldemort's name.

He is the monster under your bed. Literally, he lives under your bed, sliding out at night to sniff your hair. That seems to keep him content.

For now.

Maybe you've noticed that your fridge is a little emptier than you remembered. Sometimes you don't remember buying a jar of pickles and opening them. There seem to be always something to eat these days, you're not one to shop responsibly. Then why are there actual healthy foods like fresh produce and meats instead of frozen, TV dinners?

Maybe the spirit of New Year's Resolution came and possessed you during the weekends. Maybe. Definitely not because you have an unknown roommate around.

You're not complaining, you get to eat delicious and healthy "fresh leftovers" in the fridge even though you have no memory twisting the gas knob of your stove.

You swore you just replenished your body wash, why did it decrease so much?

At times, you're sure that your toothpaste is about to run out, only to see a slightly used, plump tube on the sink shelf. Did you replace them while you're drunk? Why did you not have any recollection of it? Why is your toothbrush already wet?

The toilet paper holder never seem to run out of toilet paper too. Usually, once a month, you would have to awkwardly waddle out of the bathroom, pants around your ankle just to get a fresh roll. You stopped doing that now.

Yeah, these stuff leaves you weary and pretty much on edge. But you're already dead inside from working 12 hour shifts at minimum wage in customer service. Having a little spice in your life would give you that kick to keep you going once in a while.

Plus, free food and toiletries. The stuff you get back is way more than you can ever afford. Which you're grateful for and would even turn a blind eye to the fact that it's very clear someone is living with you without your consent or knowledge. And your place is much more cleaner and neater. A win for you.

Or you're just that fucking oblivious and airheaded that you don't think anything is out of place, I don't personally know everyone who reads this.

For the sake of plot, you will be the latter. It's easier to write for.

So you think all is sunshine and rainbows, you're fed, your chores are done and the trash took out itself. Yay!

You sleep better, like, much better. Too better. Too quickly as well, you missed the dip in your mattress.

You shouldn't have drank that mysterious cup of your favorite drink that mysteriously appeared in your fridge and has some white residue at the bottom!

You don't even wake up when he drapes his arm over you, cuddling you until the sun shows itself over the horizon. Sometimes the hugging can make your eyes open a bit, but you shut them back cause you thought it's just your sleep paralysis demon feeling a little loving towards you.

Having fingers gently running through your hair while you're off to dreamland is... Nice. Having a pair of lips tenderly kissing your face is... Nice.

Having that same pair of lips trailing kisses from your jaw down to your chest is... Questionable. But somewhat nice.

Having that same pair of lips trailing kisses down from your chest to your already exposed, vulnerable pussy is... Well. Up to your intepretation.

Hey, it's not like you're awake to stop him from spreading your legs, pumping your hole with his fingers and lapping you up, right? Who is going to stop him? Not you, definitely. You're just egging him on by cumming on his tongue as he tongue-fucks you like he's dehydrated and you're his only source of water.

No worries, your bedsheet won't be drenched when you wake up. He is sure to catch every single drop of your sweet, sweet, love nectar. What a thirsty menace, he is. Pleasuring you with his mouth in your sleep for hours and hours on end.

Actually, one hour and a half on average. He has other things to do, unfortunately. Like, putting a bullet in one of his target's cerebrum? He has a job too, you know.

The room would be silent save for his slurping, smooching, smacking and the stirring of Mac n' cheese. Gulping too, he swallows everything you give.

Once he has his fill, he would press one last kiss on your sex and a few more against your inner thighs as thanks before wiping his chin and lips with his thumb. He isn't going to let any of it go to waste, he's licking the left overs from his drenched digits. Eating you out seems to satisfy him.

For now.

He smiles as he slowly puts your underwear and sweatpants back on.

Hygiene is important. That is why, after every meal, he would brush his teeth.

With your toothbrush of course.

He would stare at himself in the mirror as he scrub his molars clean, already missing the taste of you. He tries not to put too much focus onto his own reflection as he dislikes staring into the deep, dark, depressing abyss. He is indifferent about himself, so apathetic that it's... Hollow. Empty.

He gives no shits about the world. They could burn for all he cares. Only you made him feel something, made him feel pure bliss, only you mattered to him, only you can make a tent in his pants. Only you, only you.

God, you were his only will to live. If you go, he goes. Period. You are irreplaceable, special and extremely important, his life, his happiness depends on yours.

You are perfection, no one can compete. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong and deserves to be waterboarded before getting impaled on a stick like shish kebab. You are his escape to his bleak reality, a drug, an addiction. A severe, addiction. He is too far deep, you can't pry him away from you, crowbar or by otherwise.

He lives for you. No, I don't think you understand the intensity of his love for you. He LIVES for you, if it wasn't for your existence, he would have taken his own life long ago.

I'll say it again, only YOU can get his dick up by looking in his general direction. Only YOU can get away with so many fucking things others had died for doing.

If the world is going to have this... Mega wipeout and he is given a chance to save 1000 people, he would only save you. No one else-- and also himself. The 998 empty slots would be wasted.

Only YOU... Could make him smile.

He gargled and spat into the sink, washing your toothbrush before replacing them in their original spot.

He sniffed your face towel deeply before using it to pat his face.

Your self proclaimed boyfriend went on to take a nice, hot shower. Steam fogs up the mirror and shower screen, he scrubs himself clean with your body shampoo. Stripping any smell, grime and blood off him.

He makes sure to remove the hair clogging the drain.

Again, he took a deep whiff of your shower towel before using it as intended.

He dries his hair with the towel as he gets out of the bathroom, wearing a fresh set of his pyjamas. His eyes softened as he sees your sleeping form on your bed, he mumbled a:

"I'll join you in bed in a minute, honey."

Under his breath. It's not like you're conscious to know what the fuck is going on.

He pecks your forehead and brushes the hair away from your face.

"I love you." He whispers. He receives zero (0) responses.

It's always like that. You go to sleep, he gives you the best head in your life, but you're to asleep to realize, he then brushes his teeth, he showers, he fix himself something to eat, he brushes his teeth again because... Smells. And finally, he goes to bed with you.

He likes pickles. It's salty, sour, briny and helps replenish his electrolytes. Anchovies too, its... Fishy, salty, oily. Lemon sorbets are also nice, it's sweet, sour and refreshing. Natto is great for his brain, he also likes the slimy texture of it and he doesn't mind the bitterness.

Okay, he just likes the taste of pussy. Specifically, your pussy. It should taste kinda salty, kinda sour, kinda sweet and kinda bitter.

Whatever.

But usually, he would just fix up a ham and egg wrap for himself. It's quick to prepare, not too smell offensive, not too noise offensive.

He would munch on it as he goes back to your bedroom. There is a TV in front of your bed, so he would turn it on and put the volume on zero. Your self proclaimed boyfriend would pull you to his chest, making you use him as a pillow as he enjoys his simple dinner and watch whatever is on TV.

One hand holding his meal, the other rhythmically patting your rear.

Sometimes, he pats a little too hard, the screen is a little too bright, the wrap is a little too tasty, you would wake up. But not fully.

You would slur and stir. Eyelids heavy, it's a struggle to even pry them apart.

He would remedy this by bringing his wrap to your lips, which you would, without fail, get a nibble. That's enough to send you back to sleep, subconsciously chewing and swallowing that micro bite.

You always thought your sleep paralysis demon has the sexiest chuckle and the softest kisses.

The next day rolls by and you're alone on your bed. The thing between your legs feels funny and you have a faint taste of ham and eggs in your mouth.

You yawn and swung your legs over the edge. Letting your feet touch the ground, giving him full view of your ankles from under the bed.

It's your off day today and he knows you would usually spend these doing nothing. Just lazily laying around, rot your brain with social media, cry about your mediocrity, then go back on social media, binge eat, cry about your mediocrity again, social media, binge eat and finally sleep until the next day.

These are the days where he so badly wishes to fuck your brains out, to fuck the tears away. To give you orgasm after orgasm to forget whatever is making you sad, to make you prefer him thrusting into you instead of seeing suspiciously successful lives on the internet, to overstimulate you so you think about nothing but pleasure.

Let the room reek of sex, let the moans and wet slapping bounce off the thin walls, let the taste of you coat every square inch of his mouth. Let his hands roam all over your body and let him worship you as this deity having a gorilla grip on his life.

These are the days where... It's best for him to leave your apartment to carry out a hit. As he might simply just lose control and take you as soon as he hears your sniffling. Stuff you full of cock and tongue, kissing your sorrows away.

The aftercare stuff excites him too, he would want to see you relax in his hold, letting him work his masseur magic. Allowing him to feed you proper, warm meals after a pleasant, sensual shower.

He may be obsessive and unhinged. But not delusional. At least, not THAT delusional to think you'll see and accept him as your boyfriend if he jumps out of his hiding place now. You're going to have a panic attack and possibly throw up and die.

So he has no choice but to suppress it. He will have to strike when an opening comes. Maybe, enact a cliche romantic meeting and work up from there? Perhaps, that sounds like a good idea.

He is satisfied with what the bottle of sleeping pills hidden in his pocket can do.

For now.

[rightpastnowhere]

Right soooo.

3. Drinking Headcanon - Vex & Vax

8. Shopping headcanon - Tary & Vex

12. Friendship headcanon - Vex & Zahra

16. Appearance headcanon - Any de Rolo child of your choice.

IT'S VEX HOURS BABY!!! AND ALSO THE DE ROLO BABIES

hoo boy this is a long one. i’m so sorry. i am insane, and you activated the Vex Loving Hours

headcanon ask meme

3. drinking, vex & vax

okay. tipsy vex and drunk vex are very different. tipsy vex is loud and fun and flirty, alcohol chipping away at that composure she tries to keep locked down. her posture loosens up, and she thinks less about what she says - she snorts and giggles, her words slur together, and she doesn't hesitate to just... be. it frees her up a little. drunk vex, however, is just... sleepy. like, once she's truly hammered, she just gets tired. and a little cuddly. it's at this point that people can catch the slightest hints of a byroden accent, where she forgets the 'g' in 'darling'. i am absolutely stealing this from this fic by @notaficwriter​ which is cute and amazing and lovely and everyone should go read it right now. drunk vax, as we see in canon, is just a silly guy. he's a funny man. he jokes and stumbles around, and loves his friends so much, and is also more likely to have conversations with his sister about love. he gets stuck in physical closets instead of metaphorical ones. he’s a dork and also an enabler of chaos

vex and vax together being drunk... is just a wild ride. in the beginning, they're sort of playing off each other, trying to see whose tolerance is better, encouraging each other to throw darts (and daggers) when they can't walk straight. but before vox machina, it was rare that they ever got drunk together. they knew the dangers of being intoxicated when they were nobodies, flitting from city to city, and if they weren't in the woods they were wrapped up in shady shit. if they got their hands on some good alcohol, they'd take their turns, and usually with trinket on watch, too. they wanted to enjoy some of the little things, but not at the risk of each other. sometimes they'll still fall into the habit with VM, starting to argue over who's the designated driver monitor for the night, before remembering, oh, we don't need to do that anymore. and then they get Plastered

8. shopping, tary & vex

tary and vex both adore shopping. in fact, it's one of their little bestie bonding activities - just heading out to shop, either in whitestone (it's still recovering, but by the time skip some of the cute little stores have definitely begun to reemerge) or in emon. they go clothes shopping and enable the shit out of each other. vex has a slowly growing collection of elaborate hair clips, one that percy eventually makes a whole cabinet for. they also hit up armories and weapon shops like mall shops - "ooo, would you just look at these arrows? oh, gods, they're so gorgeous" "vex'ahlia, you have to see this armor, oh it's so lovely-" "ooooo you have to get it!!" “oh taryon, have you seen this mace? oh it’s so darling” “oh pike would love that” “she would!” and. they’re kind of joking, but kind of not. it is so confusing to all of the shopkeepers, it's great

the thing is, though, that initially, shopping was a huge conflict between them. their original animosity really centered around money - tary flaunted it like it was nothing, expected vex not to know shit about it, and to top it all off, it wasn't even his own hard earned money. he was coasting on dad’s coattails (and, even though we learn later that his dad is a dick, i can imagine that vex was a little bitter that at least this rich fuck’s rich fuck dad actually gave him something). even after tary's false bravado has dropped and vex has taken him in as her latest stray, he still has no concept of how money works, or its value. "it's a banana! how much could it cost, a platinum piece?" kinda vibes. he has no fucking idea how to haggle, either, and it nearly causes vex to go grey early. their earliest shopping trips are doubling up as educational moments. vex is gonna help this man learn money sense if it kills her

(they occasionally bring percy along as well, since he actually loves shopping nearly as much as them, but for the most part this is a ritual that the two of them keep to themselves during the year-long break. and occasionally, post-canon, during reunions they’ll slip away for some nostalgic browsing. just to feel a little more normal)

the rest of the headcanons (zahra and vex, the de rolo babies) are under the cut because i. went insane

12. friendship, zahra & vex

ZAHRA IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDER-APPRECIATED CR CHARACTERS AND I LOVE HER FRIENDSHIP WITH VEX SO MUCH THANK YOU

okay. listen. they give off the vibes of those friends who dated for a while and broke up amicably but still are all close and would absolutely agree to a friendly hook up you know. like that’s what i do with them in a modern au. but in canon they just... they have the vibes, okay. there’s a post somewhere with a gif of vex saying she’s got a crush on zahra, and i haven’t been able to find the actual moment but i hold this so close

ANYWAY! they have the weirdest friendship. half the time, when they get together, they just... sit in a library. or a room. and just read. they don’t talk to each other for hours, and say it’s some of the best company they’ve ever had. the other half of the time, they go out and absolutely fuck up the nearest tavern. they drink people under the table and threaten a healthy amount of creepy fuckers who try and hit on them. they throw darts absolutely plastered (vex) and cast one too many inebriated spells (zahra), and are just generally a fire hazard. and, again, they say it’s some of the best company they’ve ever had. they’re wild adventurers, going hard in their celebrations in part of the job description, but they’re also nerdy little introverts who find solace in the quiet company. they also have a pair of sending stones, and will drop everything to go help when the other calls. they’re ride or die, and have each other’s backs

also, post-canon, they have a lot of meet-ups that double as play dates, because the the zahra/kashaw twins and vesper are about the same age, and i imagine those weren’t the last of the hydris kids. also, of course, zahra absolutely adores gwen - vex named the kid after her, for fuck’s sake, which brought zahra to actual tears when vex told her, because she’d had her self-worth stripped away just like vex had; she never even dreamed someone would think highly enough of her to give her name to someone so precious. so, naturally, zahra is the most called-upon babysitter once gwen is around, at least until vesper is old enough for the responsibility (although zahra still volunteers her help). she also helps gwen a lot with coming into her tiefling heritage, and helps the rest of the de rolos learn infernal, touched by how dedicated they all are to helping gwen feel included and loved

16. appearance headcanon, any de rolo baby

again. i have no self restraint. so i’m gonna do all of them. but i might cut it down to one particular trait because this post is getting out of hand

vesper: i think she’s definitely celestial plane-touched in some way, shape, or form, whether she’s an aasimar or not (and i’ve started to slip to @essayofthoughts​‘s side of this whole matter, with her not being an aasimar but still pelor-blessed), but i don’t think she was born with any visible signs of it. i think she was born with dark hair, almost vex’s color but a touch lighter, and that after some incident as a kid (or just more exposure to magic and pelor-related magic, i’m not sure) it started to grow in white. soon after, her light brown freckles gained a cluster of silver ones scattered about, catching the sun the same way vex’s golden ones do (a headcanon i will die on the hill of)

leona: her hair is an absolute bitch to maintain. not only is it frizzy, but it’s frizzy curls. as someone with frizzy curly hair (that, actually, was not curly for the first bit of my life), it can be an absolute nightmare in any sort of humidity, or if you don’t use the right hair stuff. i think it’s less of an issue than it would be, given whitestone’s location, but any time they travel to byroden - or, hell, even emon - if leo doesn’t keep it fully braided or tied up, the frizz doubles it’s size. wolfe makes so much fun of her when it happens for the first time, calling her “lion-mane leo” in the brattiest way a 12 year old can. (he would have the same problem if his hair wasn’t cut so short)

wolfe: he’s got a round lil face, simply because i think it would be adorable. also, i think he’s got pretty strong freckles - the normal kind, but darker than vesper’s normal freckles because he spends more time outside. i headcanon him as a bow user (fighter class, specifically), but despite the bow not necessarily being a strength weapon and more dexterity (looks at vex’s 7 strength), he’s worked hard to build up some muscle so he can be useful in any sort of fighting. he’s got a protective streak a mile wide - for his siblings, of course, and the rest of his family, but also for anyone who’s disadvantaged or picked on. also, he has the absolute best style out of all of the kids. he’s the best dressed for every occasion. he and vex are a force to be reckoned with

also, for both of the twins: they’re the tallest of the kids, and they’re total dicks about it. they lord it over all of rest like it’s something to brag about, even though they’re the only ones who actually give a fuck. vesper only did for a little bit, once she stopped growing and they kept on getting taller, but got over it relatively quickly. the twins, however, did not. it’s hilarious. actually, the only one who gets huffy about it is percy - they end up just a smidge taller than him, once they’ve reached their final heights (although he’s mostly just emotional that they’ve grown up so much)

vax’ildan/freddie: i keep focusing on their hair BUT... i imagine he’d grow out his hair. not as long as vax’ildan did, and it’s a lot curlier than vax’s was, but the similarity still strikes vex every now and then. it actually hits percy on occaison, too - i imagine little ludwig had curly dark brown hair, and that when it got long he would tie it back until he could be bothered to get it cut, and it looked a little similar to how freddie wears it. i also think, as freddie grows older, it becomes apparent that he inherited vex’s complexion - his skin holds a decent tan through the winter, and is sun-warm light brown in the summer, especially when he starts spending more and more time outside with charlie. eventually, he looks more like vex’s mini than vax’s (or ludwig’s), which helps with the sting of resemblance

gwen: okay so i had a dumb headcanon for her ombre hair but then i looked up ipkesh’s appearance, and he ALSO has ombre hair and red skin, so i assume she just has those features because her planal affiliation comes from the ipkesh pact. BUT i’m gonna use the headcanon anyway, so: please imagine gwen trying to dye the rest of her hair white so she matches with vesper. it’s a disaster and it’s absolutely adorable

ANYWAY ANYWAY i just. please consider gwen with a little gap between her two front teeth when the adult ones grow in. combined with the little tiefling fangs that she has. she is the cutest kid in all of whitestone and everyone knows it. also, her horns kinda confuse me a little bit - they’re small, but they seem to be in their standard adult shape. i can’t imagine the s-shaped ones can grow any longer given their shape, and horns don’t just... increase in size, so those horns would have to be fully grown despite her young age (aside from scaling up as she grows up). but she does have those lil nub horns, so my idea is that eventually those will grow a little more and curve a little more, and then finally she’ll have a third pair of shorter, basically-nub horns that grow in. i just think that would be neat and adorable, and i haven’t seen a lot of multi-horned tieflings

holy shit i wrote so much i am. so sorry

[anichibicore]

i have. some thoughts i wanna dump out about aini actually and if i do it on twitter my friend WHO STILL HASN'T STARTED THE GAME will see it and then i'll scream because i've done a fantastic job of not spoiling anything for her SO ANYWAY ANI THOUGHTS TIME. ALSO this isn't everything i just wanna get the loudest thoughts out

i'll be honest i wasn't expecting to like tama much but she ended up being one of my favorites actually. funny little ai-ball so silly and actually such a sweetheart. and she supports the lgbtq. icon

RYUKI i am sooooooooo normal about him. sosososososo SO normal. i started playing and when it got to his pov i really was like the "oh he's just a little guy! oh he's a bit fucked up actually" meme and just. gently holding him. uchikoshi dumped all the trauma he could on this man just to see how much it would take to completely break him i swear. also i kept making fun of him and his so obvious crush on date but also i completely understood because i too love pathetic men. which i'll be honest i was not expecting him to. actually have a thing for date. gay rights!

speaking of date, all i am saying is: i understand where ryuki is coming from. i want to kiss him actually. pathetic man. why are you so hot with an eyepatch.

mizuki all grown up! i loved her interactions with aiba and boss, they are just so good hsjejf.

ALSO i honestly? really liked just boss's casual mention that she has a daughter (bibi) in throwaway lines and just! i didn't think anything of it at the time but god damn uchikoshi you mastermind

mmmmmmmmm one thing i'm really Not Fond Of is kizuna and lien's relationship like. i think if lien didn't literally hit on her the moment he saw her and LITERALLY FOLLOWED HER to pressure her into a relationship, and if kizuna was not 18 AT THE TIME, i'd be at least a little okay with it? individually i think they're pretty good characters and i really do like their arcs but their relationship just ruins it for me. i was REALLY hoping they wouldn't go that way, ESPECIALLY with kizuna shooting down his advances initially but i'm clearly asking for too much from a spike chunsoft game. same goes for gen and amame but to a lesser extent because 1 that remains unrequited (or at least i think it does. i think amame just sees gen as a father figure of sorts) and 2 the two don't eat up screenstime for a focus on a romantic relationship and therefore i can simply Look Away. I Do Not See. also mizuki wouldn't encourage that who brainwashed her into thinking it's okay

SPEAKING OF, i actually did not expect amame to be a major character in the game (if that was shown in a trailer then i am a clown bc i watched like. the initial teaser and the reveal trailer and that's it) and i especially didn't expect to like her as much as i did. i loved how creepy her somniums were AND how the answers to the questions in second one as mizuki were the same as the ones in the first as ryuki like. sorta foreshadowing her whole story? ALSO SHE STRAIGHT UP MURDERED URU I HONESTLY DIDN'T EXPECT THAT. all i have left to say is god damn faye mata is a good va. also the gen and amame route nearly made me cry. i did in fact have tears welling up.

i want to punt chikara into the ocean. that's all

OH ALSO the masked woman/bibi's somnium was obnoxious tbh. i got so fuckin frustrated with it. tho idk if i just got lucky or what but somehow not looking at chikara made him? not notice me as much? i have no fuckin clue. anyway

speaking of somniums, tokiko's was super creepy but like. in a different way than amame's. you know what i mean. the only thing i didn't like about it was the ringing sound in the soundtrack. and how slowly you move, especially when you're swimming to the nirvana initiative for the last mental lock. agony.

the explosion route hurt me in ways i cannot describe. i was semi-livemessaging my friend bits and pieces of my playthrough in the most spoiler free way i could and. i'm just putting these here and letting them speak for me

ALSO I WANNA SHARE ryuki taking a bullet for date and seemingly dying IN HIS ARMS NO LESS made me almost cry AGAIN. THIS GAME BROKE ME EMOTIONALLY THREE TIMES. i genuinely thought he was dead too and i did not know how to feel. and as funny as date straight up acting like a cat with his head on hitomi's lap was, the way he reacts when mizuki asks him about ryuki just. ow?

i'm not saying i lowkey ship date and ryuki but i lowkey ship date and ryuki

on a lighter note, kizuna breaking out a gatling gun and screaming "come get some, motherfuckers" made me laugh like. way harder than it probably should've. i saved it on my switch because it was too funny not to.

ALSO the whole thing with the true flowchart confused me at first but after thinking it over and getting it explained a bit, it makes a lot more sense. especially since there are two mizukis and the whole thing with aiba being on a secret mission, and also the fact mizuki didn't question date being alive when he saved her from tearer in the abandoned warehouse.

tearer's somnium was literally just a walking zero escape reference and i was living. i didn't properly finish all the puzzles in one room because the first two digits for the password were 9 and i went "999 moment" and got it right. and laughed hysterically. i think the music for those rooms was taken straight from ZE too but idk for sure. i wouldn't be surprised tho

as much as i Don't Like moma being a massive creep in this game, the bits with the vochaloco were pretty funny to me. i hope iris's va had fun recording those lines because hearing iris say fuck is great.

mama :) that's it that's the thought i just love mama.

i think we deserved to see/hear marco personally. there are concepts of a like. genderbent aiba in the dream album (i don't remember which somnium) and i know it sounds basic and lazy of me but i'm pretending that's what he looks like.

i've been typing for like two hours lmao but anyway my conclusion in short is the game has a few problems but overall i had a great time with it. also ryuki is a fruit. that's all

[emblemxeno]

I'm the anon that was doing a BR lunatic run - I've finished last week and sat a bit on it to properly digest everything.

I surprised myself and ended up enjoying it a lot by the end! But the catch is that this only started happening during the Nohr chapters and mostly because fighting the CQ cast once again squeezed An Emotion out of me. Still don't care for more of the BR royals, except for Takumi who is a fucking mess in a very understandable way so he's obviously the best. I'm starting to see how this might be a me problem and there's some sort of stupid graph I could make where 'enjoyment of FE character' is my Y axis and 'how much of messy bitch they are' is the X axis and the plotting just keeps going up into inifnity towards the tail end of the scale.

My favourite chapter (story-wise) is probably the Leo one bc it sort of comes out of nowhere with its spooky skellingtons, fav line is Camilla talking about cradling my skull or whatever insane shit she was on about in that map. Fav BR character was Orochi, fav royal was Takumi, fav map is the sewers although it took me forever to clear and it almost filtered my ass. I was a bit tired by the end so I beat the final map by suiciding most of my units against the boss YOLO etc etc. I still have my save so I'll be back to it in a bit to clear it properly lol. I tried to keep everything fair and didn't grind, with the exception of a couple of maps to catch Selkie, Saizo and Kaze up to the rest of my units before the penultimate map. Not finishing BR on a lower difficulty before this did bite me in the ass bc I was really struggling with anticipating what I would need, but it was mostly manageable with just the base maps.

Reports of story Xander and support Xander have been greatly exaggerated and I'm surprised it's such a community meme. BR Xander is a Camus who's getting his ass beat - badly. He has two options: surrender (and he's in too deep to do that; there's a reason Leo got the Pragmatism personal and not him) or double down, so he's just scraping around for any sort of justification or cope or anything really that can make him feel like less of a garbage pile. Support Xander is separated from his goo dad, surrounded by a bit of a support network and /not/ getting his ass beat, so he has more room for self reflection, improvement and being a bit silly. It ain't that deep.

Final rating in terms of enjoyment is CQ>BR>Rev which I did not expted bc I genuinely didn't hate Rev. I think it's mostly that while it has some good character moments and it mostly resolves the idiot ball problem you end up with in CQ a lot of the times, Rev is also a lot less interesting. It answers a lot of the weirdness of CQ and BR but that weirdness didn't need to be there in the first place, the plot is fine as it is without needing to throw in that a dragon did it.

On the flip side, even if I enjoy CQ the most, the plot is easily the dumbest out of the three - it's buckling really hard under the weight of trying to balance the sad war tragedy and the classic dragon story. BR is mostly a straight war drama with some teaser content for Rev dumped at the end. In Rev, the war drama is an obstacle you have to manage to get to the juicy dragon lore. CQ blends everything into a lumpy paste and it's like ... Okay, I like it, but only bc you've sprinkled some cinnamon on top.

I've also heard that a lot of the more interesting things about the dragon lore are reserved for some of the DLC maps like Heirs of Fate and uh ... Locking lore from your DLC lore route to your DLC maps is A Choice, to be sure. I do have some of them downloaded so I'll give them a shot eventually.

I've apparently played 200h of Fates so far, which was a fucking surprise for sure since Echoes is still my fav 3DS game. I'm obviously deriving enjoyment out of it, but it's so hard to quantify lmao. I've already restarted a CQ Hard run since my last one got stopped around the great wall map (I think, it was a while ago) and I'm up to the Opera chapter - 2nd time lucky, hopefully!

I appreciate the chance to talk about something other than red woman for a bit and I think being able to sort through my thoughts like this gave me peace of mind - I no longer know if I enjoy Fates or not and I do not care. It's an FE game and this series has me by the throat, so I'll keep playing it until my 3DS finally dies and I'll have left is fruit png texture my beloved and maddening runs. I'm free.

This also makes me excited about the potential of Engage being a bit silly again. Predictions!

My best guess at the mo is that it will go the way of Awakening - maximum cheese but it's so earnest that it's hard to dislike outright. It will not be a series standout, but people will remember it fondly and it's not difficult to see why it might be someone's fav, even if it's not yours personally. It will be very light and anime with the exception of a couple of chapters a la Awakening Ch10 where they will somehow manage to write a banger of a moment that will be undercut by some dumbass support with Funny Footsteps playing in the background unlocking immediately afterwards. At least one FE YouTuber will make a video about a random waifu's characterisation being the deepest shit ever bro. The best written character is actually going to be Byleth, but no one will pay attention to them. There don't seem to be any S rank mechanics in for now and maybe this is too optimistic, but I get the vibe that Alfred might be up for grabs for both Alears if they do add that back in. There's at least one poisonous swamp map and everyone hates it. They bring back the buried treasure mechanic for the desert nation. The final boss battle takes place on top of the big cobra dragon as an homage to the Grima fight and it's going to be dope as fuck. They bring Itsuki in as a DLC lord - this is a marketing push for #FE2 baybee (I haven't played it, but got into SMT over the last year and I feel like there's untapped potential in the concept that they maybe haven't fully realised with the idol theme). There will be Twitter drama about at least one localised support (lol). There will be Reddit drama about at least one FEH alt (double lol). There's at least one adult character that will be accused of being minor coded bc of their height. They will get an OP summer alt that has everyone going mental. The blacksmith lady is going to be incredibly popular with NSFW communities and she will be a surprise recruit, sort of like Izana and that lot.

Would love to hear more of your thoughts on Engage so far - anything that catches your eye or any hopes for it now that we've seen a bit of the gameplay and characters?

Nice, hope you're having fun with your run, anon.

And I don't have too many new thoughts on Engage yet, mostly just "this game looks pretty" and "the characters they're showing on Twitter look cool". I'm excited for it.

[ishouldnotbhere]

curious! who in blue lock would you genuinely want to be bestfriends with? and why?

OOOOOH that’s a hard question to answer DDD:

Part of me wants to be like… Barou? Bc other than the fact that I am an obvious simp, the idea of being one of the only people whom Barou tolerates on an equal level just appeals to me lol.

Also, he’s such a mom. Total mom friend. When the members of the Blue Lock squad (+U20 crew, maybe, counting only Oliver, Sae, and Shidou) are legal and they inevitably go out bar-hopping at those ridiculously high-class clubs only Reo can afford, Barou’s fussing over everyone, whether he himself likes it or not. He’s yelling at everyone over the music to “Drink water, goddammit!” and handing them water bottles if they’re too out of it. He’s helping them not get filthy when their stomachs can’t hold up, he’s driving them home, and he’s texting them remedies to deal with hangovers because he cares for his friends he needs them to be in peak physical condition for practice and for fuck’s sake, they need to learn how to take care of themselves like adults and not make such a big fucking mess and dirty everything up. Especially the cleanliness part. Barou tells Chigiri he doesn’t care if Chigiri breaks a leg, that Chigiri’s useless anyway, that Chigiri picking his hair up off the floor is more important than his silly stupid leg.

At the same time, Barou helps Chigiri bandage his knee after practice. Not because he cares. It’s because the tape is rolling around untangled and messing up the floor. Don’t get it twisted, buddy. That’s an hc btw lol that was not canon but I totally see him as that kind of person because look, they may be ridiculously talented, but they’re still human as well as children. 5’7”+ babies

But I do believe Kunigami would be the loveliest friend. We’ve already seen it in the manga. He’s trustworthy, reliable, and a man of character, and yet (maybe precisely the reason) he still helps out teammates who readily dismiss or ignore him or possess none of the nobility Kunigami carries. He’s the friend who’s got your back no matter what, supports you always, pays attention to your minute, seemingly meaningless habits, and lets you cry on his shoulder.

The scene that solidified my love for him (other than his adorable blush when Isagi complimented him) was when Nagi chose advancing in his newly invigorated passion for soccer over his relationship with Reo despite everything Reo has given him (including soccer itself), coldly turned his back on Reo, and Reo is breaking down—his love for soccer, in fact, is one and the same with his love for Nagi but no one could understand, no one could possibly understand, and he’s weak, so weak—and Reo is despairing, collapsing in front of a pack of vultures, and at that utterly abysmal point when he’s certain of nothing except his own isolation, buried under the weight of his perceived inferiority, Kunigami has his back. This kid who is technically Reo’s rival and has just as much reason as the others to watch Reo fail, who has barely interacted with Reo before the match, lifts Reo up. Makes him watch Nagi’s retreating back. Makes him feel the visceral pain. And he says, “Never forget this moment. Let it consume you. Let it burn you. And once the embers have fallen quiet, let the final sparks fuel you.”

I think it was in your previous ask where I mentioned how Barou and Shidou are on opposite ends of the spectrum of ego. Barou plays for his own sake, while Shidou plays for soccer’s sake. I believe Kunigami exists outside of that spectrum altogether. His character is almost cliché; the typical hero-idolizing boy who hopes to grow up to become the chivalrous, upstanding men in his comic books. But in a cutthroat world where young men stop at nothing to gain an edge, where competition is the name of the game and the possibility of elimination far outweighs any chance of survival, where the life of a person hinges on being out for himself and himself alone, Kunigami is literally… an alien. Off the rails. Just, straight up, he doesn’t belong. He’s kind. He’s good. He sees, he feels, he cares. Who in their right mind does that in a place like Blue Lock?

Kunigami’s not selfish like Shidou, or self-absorbed like Barou. He doesn’t play soccer for soccer, or for himself. Rather, Kunigami plays soccer because he loves supporting others.

In the spectrum of ego, where the HECK does that fall?

I believe that’s why he’s a Wild Card. I guess I’m going all English-teacher-pointing-out-symbolism-that-was-never-intended here. All of the characters have pointed out that, other than his physique, his actual talent isn’t all that remarkable. But he stands out as a person because in a prison that intends to stamp out all civil decency, Kunigami is still good and kind. And that, above all else, makes him the best friend you could possibly have.

I can’t believe I’m rambling like this over a manga about soccer-obsessed high schoolers. Insert that “calm down, Greg, it’s just soccer” meme here lmao. These boys just got me feeling things .-.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[fullsunalicia]

i really loved the jaemin prince au 💗💗 if you have time, could you possibly write a princess diaries au with jeno?? thank you for sharing your work with us ! have a great day 🤗

prince charming — LJN

in a matter of mere days, your whole life is flipped upside down. the only constant in your life are your best friends, yeeun and jeno. but while you’re being charmed with a crown and the family connection you’ve been craving for a long time, jeno is desperately trying to figure out how to tell you that you’ve charmed him.

of course i can, my love! thank you for your request and your kind words 🤍 have a great day and stay hydrated! eat if you haven’t yet. and as promised, here the princess diaries au~

For as long as you can remember, it has always just been you, your mom, and Chairman Meow. It’s a silly name for a cat, but it’s what you’ve decided on when you first got him at ten years old, and your mother found it too funny to resist. Now this poor cat is stuck with that name forever.

The life your mother built for you is far away from the family you have still left. When you were born, your father had already succumbed to an illness, leaving nothing behind but nineteen birthday letters, some presents, and the gaping hole he had ripped into every future family picture. At your first father-daughter dance, your best friends’ father had danced with you because Yeeun and Jeno couldn’t bare leaving you alone at home to cry about the fact that you had a missing parent. Everytime father’s day comes around, they pile up in your room with you and the day is spent watching rom-coms. Every year on the same day, your mom lights up a candle to honor the father who had abandoned you before birth.

Your mother told you he had his reasons. That they loved each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. You had believed her and promised to honor the memory of a father that wanted you, but ultimately couldn’t have you. Because his own family didn’t accept it.

The letters are the only thing you have of him. You were told that when he realized he was nearing death, he decided to write them as birthday presents, one for every year. Some are longer than others. Some cheesier. Some seem like diary entries, where he regrets not being able to see you for the first and last time before he goes, since he’s sure your mother and him made the perfect daughter. The only reason you don’t resent the father that left the mother to raise their child alone is because you can feel the love in these letters, his true feelings, the somber sorrow of someone who’s being played like a puppet. His letters arive every year alongside the presents your grandmother sends you, but hers are left untouched while you cling to these letters as if they are your lifeline.

It’s almost like he’s here for you. Gone, but still felt. His love is with you when your mother kisses your forehead before school and you can see it in her smile. Your parents loved each other a lot - you wish to have a romance like theirs. You wonder why your grandmother thought it was a good idea to tear them apart.

The answer comes weeks before your last and nineteenth letter can arrive.

❀ ❀ ❀

���Will you wake up already? Damn! You’re worse than Jeno!”

“First of all,” you drawl out, sleep still heavy on your tongue. Your mind barely registers that you’re awake, and you blink several times to regain your sight after your comatose state. “I don’ t take nearly as long as Jeno in the morning to get ready. That’s why I’m able to sleep longer. And who the hell let you in?”

“Your mother,” your best friend of ten years deadpans. “Duh.” Yeeun clicks her tongue and reaches out for your body beneath the warm blankets. She doesn’t even care about the fact that you scream when you’re forcefully removed from your own paradise.

“Yeeun! I’m barely awake!”

“You want me to get a bucket of water, then?”

Yeeun is the oldest of your little group. After her comes Jeno, her younger brother, and lastly you. They baby you all the time, even though they’re barely older than you are. The first time you guys met was in first grade, where the siblings had bickered over what snack they should buy because they didn’t take enough money with them to buy one for each sibling. Without hesitation, you had approached them and lent them yours, and since then, Yeeun and Jeno basically adopted you. They’ve both already moved out and share an apartment near the university you three attend, and you know there’s a room for you waiting there.

Something just keeps you home. You can’t bring yourself to part from your mother and leave her, because then, she’ll be really alone. After all, your father’s side of your family doesn’t really like her. And her own parents live far away.

“Please don’t tell me you stayed up watching k-dramas again.” Yeeun groans and pinches your nose, the same annoying habit she tended to do to Jeno when he got on her nerves. No one else is more like a sister to you than she is, and you’re very grateful for her. It’s a different story for her brother, though.

Lee Jeno is as beautiful as his older sister, but he was the one who first drew you in with it. Your very first childhood crush in fourth grade. He even stole a first kiss from you when his lips had first touched a bottle of soju, and even though you’ve always dreamt of a fairy tale first kiss, you somehow were still thankful it was him. The boy with the crescent moon eye smile. The lingering taste of sweet alcohol and chewing gum. Careful hands who cradled your face as if you were the most expensive thing in the entire world, despite his intoxicating state.

He doesn’t remember that, though. And he doesn’t need to. You’ve buried your embarrassing crush for the younger sibling a very long time ago, and it’s never going to be dug out. Not if you can hinder it.

“I’m so tired, Yeeun,” you hiss at her and slap away the hands who are trying to pinch you awake. She laughs and wraps her arms around your waist. “Did you really have to wake me up so early?”

“Class starts in, like, twenty minutes. The longer we take here, the more Jeno is going to panic.”

“I hate you both. You’re a plague. I should’ve just let you brawl for that stupid tteokbokki cup.”

Yeeun forms her lips to a pout, lips puckered as if she was going to give you a kiss. “Aw, man. What am I supposed to do with engagement ring now? I spent so much money on it...”

Carefully, as to not hurt her, you push your best friend off your sleep-ridden body. Standing up has never taken so long, and you groan as your back cracks when you stretch it. “Don’t fool yourself,” you mumble. “The only thing you’d get me would be a ring pop.”

“Touché.”

It takes you a little longer to get ready, but Yeeun doesn’t mind as she scrolls away on her phone, liking a meme here and there. Jeno honks in impatience from outside the house and Yeeun grins, waving him off on instinct, even though he can’t actually see her. When you finally step out of your room, your mom already’s put on a cup of coffee for you on the table. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says, grinning, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. You furrow your brows. “Finally awake?”

“After I basically assaulted her, yeah.” Yeeun snatches up the cup meant for you and nips at the dark mixture. Outside, Jeno honks again. “Though we better get going before your neighbours file a complaint. That kid doesn’t have any manners, I swear. And to think that we’re related!”

“You’re only two years older, Yeeun,” you shoot back, yawn tumbling from your lips. She’s right, though, you don’t want to keep him waiting any longer. The neighbor next door is rather weird, and you swear you’ve caught him several times sitting down infront of his window to watch the people pass by. He claims it’s inspiration for his books. You don’t bother with finding out if that’s actually considered stalking. Your mother turns her head so you can kiss her cheek, fingers twirling the cup she’s holding. She’s nervous. For what? “I’ll get going, mom, see you later.”

“Don’t forget to come straight back home after your lecture, (y/n).” She finally looks up to meet your eyes, showing you her evident worry. Your mom had pulled you aside the evening before, saying that you had important matters to discuss at lunch because someone was coming for a visit. She didn’t tell you who, though. “Text me if you need anything.”

With that, Yeeun tugs you out the front door, the familiar click of the lock accompanying your descent down the stairs to the street. Jeno looks especially annoyed, but he still leans over from the driver’s seat to open the door for you. “I’m going to kill you both,” he threatens the second you’re in earshot, hissing at his sister like a cat as she flicks his forehead and slides into the backseat. Despite being upset that you’re late, he lets you pull him into a tight hug, and you basically disappear in his embrace. Since he’s started going to the fitness center with his friends, he’s been building up muscles like crazy. Yeeun bet you ten dollars he’s on steroids.

He’s always been this athletic, though. Now, it shines through, and it makes your knees kinda weak of how strong Jeno is becoming.

“Is that coffee?”, he asks, fingers already reaching for the cup that was stolen out of your kitchen. Yeeun slaps his fingers, pretty features pulled into a grimace. “Not for you!” she answers. “Hands on the wheel.”

“So you let me wait for an hour, but I don’t even get coffee? Got it. Should’ve just left you on the curb this morning.”

“And who would’ve woken up (y/n), huh? It takes you years to wake the girl up!”

“Because she looks so peaceful in her sleep! Unlike you, I actually care about how much sleep (y/n)’s getting!”

“I hope this car crashes,” you mumble. With that, you swipe your coffee out of Yeeun’s hands, force Jeno back into the driver’s seat and lean back to finally sip at the coffeinated drink. It’ll be a miracle to survive this car ride.

❀ ❀ ❀

You like sociology. It’s the only course you share with Jeno, and despite claiming it’s his favorite class, he keeps napping in it. Because the professor likes him and his essays are seemingly “amazing”, Jeno ends up getting out of trouble scot-free, while you have to pass your notes to said troublemaker at the end of every lecture.

Maybe you should have given him some coffee after all. His head is resting on your shoulder, shamelessly using it as a pillow, his fingers are intertwined even in his sleep. As if he’s praying. Maybe he’s praying for this lecture to end quickly. The dark circles under his eyes worry you, and you wonder if he’s even getting enough sleep.

When Jeno and you first met each other, his features had still been soft, a true baby-face. He had winced every time you pinched his cheeks and often complained when you and Yeeun determined that he could be a prettier girl than you guys were. A decade later, Jeno is still breathtakingly beautiful, but where earlier had been fat to pinch was now sharp cheekbones, and a jawline that could cut diamonds. What had been pretty turned into attractive.

He looks like a prince. It’s no wonder his family calls him that jokingly. He owns the title.

“Stop staring at me, creep,” Jeno murmurs, voice drowsy. He still reaches out for you, though. Strong arms envelop your body and press you against a firm side, and you don’t even put up a fight when he uses you as his personal body pillow. His strong perfume wafts over your senses, and it’s hard to resist the urge to cuddle against him. You claim you’ve gotten over him, but it’s so easy to fall back into old habits when they go by the name Lee Jeno.

“Start paying attention to the lesson, then.” He doesn’t even budge when you try to push him away. Sighing, you resort to taking notes instead. You can feel him grin against your shoulder.

Asshole. He knows he’s stronger.

“It’s not like the lesson’s interesting. Can’t you just stop nagging me?”

“Can you stop bothering me while I pay attention?”

“No,” he shoots back immediately, arms locking tighter around your smaller frame. Jeno ignores the squeak you let out at that (as if you were a dog chewing toy...) and instead presses his face against your throat, lips dangerously close to your skin. Damn those siblings and their irresistible charm. “This is the price you pay for my friendship. If you weren’t ready to pay it, you should’ve thought about that ten years ago. No use fighting it now. Sorry.”

Friendship. The word stings and you wish it would hit you in the face once and for all, so that you could stop looking at Jeno in that light. He hums when you mess up his hair, recently dyed with the help of his sister. Both siblings had already bleached it once, but this color was darker, more evident. Soft as always. He hums in content at your touch, the sound elicting goosebumps on your skin.

“What’s gotten into you?” The accusation in your voice is only spoken in a joking manner, but it still makes Jeno raise his head and loosen his hold around your waist. This time, you’re the one tugging him back. (You hope your professor isn’t looking. The soft spot he has for Jeno isn’t reserved for you.) “You’re never this affectionate.”

“Is that a crime?” He furrows his eyes and glares at you. He looks a little like his cat when he does this, when she’s scolded for knocking a glass of the coffee table. You pinch his cheek. He hits your fingers.

“No. I’m only curious.”

“I’m just in the mood.” Jeno turns you around so you’re facing your notes again, and you roll your eyes. Are you his slave or what? Nonetheless, you pick up your pen and resume writing. Your best friend rests his head on your shoulder, chest pressed to your back.

Jesus Christ, he’s a muscle pig.

His fingers toy with the ends of your hair, and it almost distracts you from the loud, annoying voice of the lecturer. The room is stuffed with tired, disinterested people. Someone in fifth row is playing PacMan on their laptop. You almost wish you had remembered to take your own.

Your thoughts wander to that talk your mom wanted to have with you after school. Usually, she’s very honest and upfront with you. There are no secrets. If there’s anything that should be addressed, she does it right away. What could be so important that she’s waiting for the suprise visit to explain?

Maybe it’s a new boyfriend. But your mom knew you didn’t have anything against her looking elsewhere for love; you actually welcomed it, deeming her a “helpless single” in spite of her protest. If she had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t feel so guilty about moving out. The siblings have been begging you for a while now, and you three spend lots of nights huddled on their couch, anyways.

It doesn’t work that way, though. Your mother is all you have. You just want to be assured that she’s going to be okay without you, happy. Chairman Meow isn’t that good of a company. And if you move out, you can’t visit her all the time. Exams are coming up.

Jeno pinches your waist, a snicker tumbling from his lips when you jump. “Wanna grab a bite after this?”

“Can’t.” You abandon your pen momentarily to guide his hands away from your waist, pulling at his arms so they lock around you tighter. This hug is basically a death trap, but at least it’s enjoyable. “Mom’s planned something.”

“Like what?”

“Didn’t tell me.”

“Your mom tells you everything.”

“Gee, really?” you scoff. The remark was meant to be sarcastic, but the hurt and confusion still seeps through. Jeno soothes it with a kiss to your temple, but you wish he wouldn’t. It’s so hard to stop your heart from acting up. Convicing it that Jeno’s only being platonic is like talking to a wall. “I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s been acting weird since yesterday. It’s not like my dad’s anniversary coming up.”

“Maybe she’s finally throwing you out of the damn house. You know, it kind of sucks paying for a roommate who isn’t even there.”

Jeno recoils when you turn at that, moving faster than he can register. “I told you guys to let me pay!” you complain. To your horror, it comes out a little bit louder than intended, and if looks could kill, your professor would be charged with second degree murder. The boy beside you laughs at your suffering, but he shuts up quickly when you pinch his nose. “You seriously need to stop hanging out with Yeeun,” he hisses at you, and pins your wrists against his chest. “I was joking, you fool. No matter how many times you tell us, we’ll be paying for that room until you move in.”

The rest of the lesson is spent with Jeno and you squabbling, which is why you pack up in a hurry and leave before your professor can scold the living hell out of you. Yeeun’s already managed to snag some food from someone in her own lecture, and she shares it with you guys on the way home. When the duo drives off, they’re already arguing again, and you shake your head as you walk inside.

The apartment is strangely tidy. Not that you and your mom like to live in chaos, but it’s never this neat. “Mom?” you call out.

It’s not your mother who walks out of the kitchen. You’ve seen this face on pictures often, never face to face. It would be a disgrace for her to be seen with someone of your side of the family.

“Welcome home, (y/n),” your grandmother greets you.

❀ ❀ ❀

Jeno and Yeeun are traitors. None of them answer your distress calls, or the many panicked text messages you send them. This is treason. You’re never going to let them eat off your snack stash again.

When you had recognized your grandmother, you had promptly run to your room like a freshman in highschool and locked the elderly woman out. You did not appreciate that your mother had failed to mention that the suprise visit was the grandmother that had been resenting you for the past nineteen years.

You want nothing to do with her. She’s the reason your parents could never be together.

“(y/n),” the woman sighs, exasparated. The knocks to your door are quickly deemed useless, and she resorts to talking to you through the door. “I am aware that this must be quite the shock, but I wouldn’t have thought you’d react like this. I was told you were quite the mature woman.”

You are. Still, you angrily tell her: “You would’ve known better if you had made it your duty to see your own grandchild at least once a year!”

Silence. She doesn’t have an answer for that, and you’re glad she has atleast the brains to recognize. Still, after mulling over your words for a few minutes, she continues. “My child, this is why I came. To explain why your father didn’t stay with your mother. Why no one came to see you. Don’t you wish to know the truth?”

“You’re a little late.”

“Better late than never.”

You don’t have a clever argument for that. Sulking, you stand up and rip the door open, scaring the poor woman behind it to death. A hand placed over her heart, she reprimands you with a stern look. “Tell me, then.” You cross your arms in front of your chest. Up close, she reminds you of the many pictures your mom had shown you from your father. “Tell me what was such a good reason to destroy an entire marriage with a flick of your wrist. Why I’m suddenly so important, nineteen years later.”

Your grandmother pleads you with her eyes to come out of your room, so you stroll into the living room and sit down. Your mother is waiting there for you, and you clench your fists when she mouths an “I’m sorry”.

The atmosphere is, lightly put, very uncomfortable. Your grandmother takes the liberty of pouring you and her a cup of tea, but neither of you touch it. “(y/n),” she says then. “What do you know about your father?”

“That he was ill.” You clench and unclench your hands. They’re trembling. In moments like these, you wish Yeeun or Jeno were here, but that’s silly. You should be able to master your challenges alone. So, you clear your throat and go on, voice firm, even if you feel nothing like it. “That he loved my mother dearly and you didn’t accept it.”

“I did accept it.”

“Liar,” tumbles out of your lips before you can stop it, and your mother claps a hand over her mouth. “(y/n)!” she speaks up, in disbelief that you’d talk to a family member like that. Your grandmother waves her off, but you can see the hurt in her eyes.

You hate admitting it, but it satisfies you a little.

“Your father..” The elderly woman traces the rim of her tea cup with a perfectly manicured nail. “Your father was a good man, with a sense for duty. I liked your mother a lot, but just because I liked her didn’t mean I was able to accept it. There are some things that are better left unchanged. Your parents knew that. I knew that. And that is why I wished for the engagement to be nullified.”

The words set something in you ablaze; an anger you can’t name, the protectiveness over your mother. “What in god’s name could be more important than your son marrying the woman he loves?”

Your grandmother blinks. “The throne, of course.”

You raise a brow. Behind her hands, your mother peeks to grasp your reaction. For a very long time, you wait for someone to laugh and tell you this is just a prank. When it doesn’t come, you ask: “Excuse me, what?”

“(l/n) (y/n), that is the name you were given by your mother.” Your grandmother raises the cup to her lips, unfazed by your confusion. “Though that’s not the royal name given to you. You are a direct descendant of Empress Sunmyeong, member of the Yeoheung Min clan.” She sets the cup down with a loud clatter. If you hadn’t seen her eyes, you would be very angry with her joking right now.

She’s deadly serious.

“You are Min (y/n), heir to the throne.” Your grandmother looks you right in the eyes, gaze determined, honest. “Just like your father, you are expected to ascend the throne and marry someone of blue blood.”

❀ ❀ ❀

“You didn’t confess to her?”

Jeno pouts and stuffs his mouth with marshmallows. “I didn’t get to.”

The room is dark, dimly illuminated by the light that tries to reach it through the curtains. The siblings wanted to do a movie marathon since it was the weekend and there was nothing to study for, and it isn’t fun to go out drinking without you. An hour into their first one, they’ve already abandoned it and resorted to do something else.

Talking about Jeno’s giant crush on you.

“I thought you were going to tell her in Sociology.” His sister reaches for the popcorn, disappointed to find the bowl empty. Jeno offers her the bag of marshmallows, but she shakes her head; too sweet.

“That was the plan,” he mumbles. But how is he supposed to look you in the face and tell you about his feelings, when you’re so goddamn cute? Nobody has ever made butterflies erupt in Jeno’s stomach, yet one look from you and he’s absolutely weak. The memory of you kissing him back still haunts him to this day. What if you just did it because you were under the influence? “I chickened out.”

“Shocker.”

“I hope you choke.”

Yeeun snorts. But no matter how much fun they make of each other, at the end of the day, nobody cares about Jeno like Yeeun does. She’s a really great big sister, even if she gets annoying sometimes. So when the girl reaches for the remote to turn down the volume and face him properly, he doesn’t mock her or say something provoking. He holds out his arms and pouts.

When they had been children, Jeno had fallen down the stairs once and promptly fainted. He doesn’t remember much about it, but what stuck with him was the sight of little Yeeun looming over him, crying in worry. She hisses and hits Jeno often, but the second someone else does it, he has to physically hold her back. (She’s tiny, but she packs quite the punch.)

The day Yeeun had found out about his crush on her best friend, he had been drunk off his ass and crying. That’s why she told him that it was going to be alright, because she has his back. So when Jeno inches closer in the wish to be held, she only rolls his eyes and throws her arms around his shoulders. “You’re so annoying. Why’d I get the annoying younger brother?”

“Shut up and comfort me. I was really going to tell her today.” Jeno sniffs. He’s not going to cry, though, he’s only being dramatic. He wishes you were here. “I was so close.”

“I know. Next time.” His sister messes up his hair and grins at him. He laughs at that, reaching out to dishevel her own, and it soon escalates into them wrestling on the couch, fighting for the last bag of Dorito’s.

Their fight is cut short by several quick knocks to the door.

Jeno looks at Yeeun. “Are you expecting somebody?”

She can’t answer; a key is turned in the lock and as they look up alarmed, they’re greeted with the sight of you walking in, your eyes red from all the crying, the apartment’s spare key in your hand.

You hiccup. A tell-tale sign that you’ve been sobbing and are currently trying to stop yourself. “Hi,” you mumble. That’s the magic word for both siblings to jump up and run to you, familiar hands wiping over your wet face and your shoulders. “I just had the worst day ever and I just want to collapse into someone’s bed and die. Thank you.”

“Go rest in my room,” Jeno offers. “Come on.” You don’t need to be told twice, feet carrying you to the room you’ve been so many times before. Your followed by your best friends, who even go as far as tucking you in, and Yeeun leaves a kiss on your forehead.

“Don’t go,” you whisper.

So they don’t. They take you into their middle, Yeeun on your left, Jeno on your right, both brother and sister hugging you tightly. You’re lucky you all fit on Jeno’s bed, and for a while, you just keep laying there, staring at Jeno’s ceiling that’s been freshly painted. As they hold you, you start explaining your weird, nonsense circumstances. They don’t interrupt you once.

You want to stay like this always. Some things in life come and go, but the friendship to these two stays forever. The many nights you spent stargazing. The different occassions of someone crying and the other two cheering them up. Long hugs, adoration that is spoken out loud, silent support. You want to cling to these memories, to their hands, stay in this bed for the rest of your life.

But you’re a princess. You have your loyalties towards the crown, towards your father. Accepting the duty your grandmother laid in your hands feels like treason towards yourself, but you also can’t turn your back on what your father is giving to you.

Family honor. Blood is thicker than water.

That’s why weeks after this, Yeeun and Jeno see you less and less. They knock and spam your phone with several messages, but all they get is half-hearted apologies hours later. Sometimes, there is no response at all. It hurts them a lot, to the point where they spend several days of the week skipping uni to stay home and stuff themselves with ice cream. There’s a (y/n)-shaped hole in their daily lifes, and in Jeno’s heart.

You miss them terribly, just like they miss you. Time is running out until your official coronation, and your grandmother has been preparing you and getting closer to you at the same time. One afternoon, you both cried as you looked over pictures of your father’s coronation.

“I’m so sorry you weren’t able to see him,” she had told you, voice shaky, hands trembling as they gripped yours. For the better part of your life, this woman had been an unknown evil. Now, you’re able to see the love and regret in her eyes. You see it in the way she treats your mother like a proper daughter-in-law, even though she never got to be. The fond smile the queen gifts you with when you show her your photo album with dad’s letters. The pride that’s swelling up in her chest when you behave just like your father. “He loved you long before you were born, just like I did.”

There’s no use denying your feelings for Jeno when the dooming reality is that you’re not allowed to have him, anyways. You don’t tell anyone about your feelings, especially not the queen. But there are nights where you sob yourself to sleep, listening to a particular sad voicemail where Jeno whispers into his phone how badly he wishes you were here. You’re aware your mother knows, because to her, you’re an open book. Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything either. When you mourn your childhood crush, she puts your favorite cookies on the nightstand, leaves a kiss on the crown of your head and closes the door to your room.

Being alone is the only gift she can give you right now. In the whirlwind that is an official introduction to the public, getting some peace and quiet was like heaven.

Your coronation is on the day of your nineteenth birthday.

For the first time, you’re really scared about opening your father’s letter. It’s the last one you’re ever going to receive, and the dread sits heavy in the pit of your stomach. It’s such an umcomfortable feeling. Usually, those letters were a chance to look into your father’s heart. The words that convey his love wrap around you like an embrace, and there are many letters you know word for word. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Your sixteenth letter. You didn’t understand then, but you understand now. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

You open the letter.

Tears swim in your eyes before you can even realize what is written. You feel so overwhelmed by everything; the need to make your father proud, the love growing steadily in your chest for a man you can’t have. The fear of abandoning your mother. The heavy weight of a crown you never actually wanted. It smothers you, and you need several attempts to catch your breath.

A warm hand wipes your tears away. You didn’t even notice your mother sliding into the seat beside you, but you’re glad she did. She lets you rest your head on her shoulder, and familiar fingers that you’ve known all your life loosen up any knots in your hair. With her help, you’re finally able to read your father’s last words for you.

My dearest (y/n),

What a woman you must have become. If there’s any chance you’ve gotten your mother’s stubbornness, I can rest assured that you know how to get everything you want in your life and what you want. After all, that’s how she charmed me.

Today is the day you turn into an adult. By now, I’m sure you’ve been confronted with the throne you’re about to inherit. When I was your age, there was nothing more exciting than that. Other than you, I was raised to be king, taught what was needed to be known and fed with the love to our people. There is no physical impact you can do as royalty in the 21st century, but we represent the tradition of our country. The voice of those who cannot talk for themselves. We have no power in parliament, but we have the power to get loud enough for it to hear us. What others cannot, we must do for them. To help those who cannot help themselves, we must do everything.

But that is only if you want your crown.

(y/n), the crown was not a family heirloom I intended to give you if you didn’t want it. I love your mother, and I love you. I will continue to do that always, whether you decide to claim your birth right or reject it. I love you even if you abandon the family’s traditions to become the person you’ve always dreamt of, and I will still do that when you ascend the throne and make it yours. We are not our ancestors. The future doesn’t lie in our hands. But we can shape it, just like any other person. We can take each other by the hand and change the world together. My father taught me that long before he taught me how to love the crown.

What he didn’t teach me is the love to another person. It’s the only tradition everyone is too proud to change, or get rid of. Arranged marriages are a given, even though our monarchy has changed to accomadate to modern times. But nothing in this world could have stopped me from giving your mother my heart. After all, she blessed me with the most perfect child and love I ever received. To love is to be blessed. I want you to choose whoever you love. Fight for what you believe in, for I couldn’t do it. It is the only thing I regret in my life. I wanted to give your mother the world, and all I’ve given her is suffering. I hope you can give her that for me.

My mother is very proud. It’s what I got from her. It’s not something I want for you. Pride is nothing but silly. Love without being afraid, (y/n). If the person you give your heart to ends up to be royal or not, does not matter. If you choose to not marry at all is up to you.

All I wish for you is to be happy.

I wish for you to be healthy and satisfied. I wish that you accomplish anything you set your mind to and that you can be proud of your hard work. I wish for you to be supported unconditionally and I wish for you to always have the warmth of your mother in your life, for I can’t be there to do it. I love you, my dearest daughter. You are the greatest gift God has given me.

Happy birthday, little (y/n). May you be in good spirits always. Thank you for making your father beyond happy, even though it was only for a short period of time.

With love,

Dad

You can’t stop sobbing. You set the letter down so your tears don’t ruin it, and your hands move to cover your wet face. The crying doesn’t stop, no matter how much your mother kisses you all over and hugs you close. “I wish I could’ve met him,” you bawl.

Your mother fixes your hair and smiles at you, both happy and sad. “I wish that, too.” Another kiss to your forehead. You hiccup. “He would’ve been the best father.”

The words are imprinted into your mind, haunting you while you get ready. Your grandmother is going to introduce you to the public as the princess for the first time, but thankfully, you don’t have to be queen yet. This press conference is only for you to officially claim the throne. Ascending it wouldn’t happen before you finish university and spent the many years learning how to be a queen with your grandmother. You recite the letter in your head while your face is painted by make-up, and you mouth the words while the last finishing touches are done to your dress. The crown set on your head is light, but it feels like the heaviest thing you ever had to carry in your life.

Someone knocks at the door. Your mother sticks her head through, big smile on your face. You give her one back, even though your heart aches.

You wish Yeeun and Jeno were here.

“You’ve got company,” your mom declares and disappears again. The person stepping inside is not your grandmother, as you expected, but Lee Jeno.

His eyes grow wide when he sees you. And the way he looks at you! As if you were the only star in his universe. Your chest swells with love when you see the awe in his eyes, and you don’t even think about reaching out for him. It happens on instinct. Two big steps, and Jeno carefully wraps his arms around your figure. The people who helped you dress up quietly leave the room.

“You look so, so beautiful,” Jeno whispers into your ear. “So gorgeous. I thought I was looking at an angel.”

“Kiss-up,” you mumble, yet you still turn your head to grin at him. Unbeknownst to you, the sight almost makes Jeno’s heart stop. The things you do to him... “How’d you know I was here?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?” He nudges the tiara on your head. You giggle. “And even if it weren’t apparent, I still would have found a way to meet you. Because I’ve been dying to tell you something.”

That he was disappointed with you? That it’s all your fault the friendship is going downhill right now? You bite the inside of your cheek. Well, it’s not like you don’t deserve to be told off. So you brace yourself for the reprimanding.

“I love you,” is all you’re getting.

It’s your turn to gape at him. Did you imagine him saying that? Is your brain starting to mess with your perception because you’ve been obsessing over your father’s letter? But no, you’re not dreaming - Jeno is looking you in the eyes, soul laid bare. Waiting for you to reject him and send him off forever.

Your hands cup his face. “You do?”

“Of course I do.” Jeno inches closer. He smells like his perfume and a little bit of Yeeun’s deodorant. You know he always ends up using it accidentally, and it makes his sister laugh without end. You know everything about the man in front of you. Your heart spent years gathering information on the only person who’s ever lived there. “When you first gave me the money for that stupid snack in elementary school, I adored you. I didn’t know shit about love then. But I know that I missed you terribly when you didn’t go to school and I know that I loved having you fall asleep on mine and Yeeun’s lap after hours of studying. I loved twirling you around at prom. I love being the one to wake you up in the morning because you get all doe-eyed and clingy when you‘re barely awake. I love listening to things you’re excited about because you end up rambling and your voice is the nicest thing to listen to. (y/n), I may not have known back then what I was dealing with. But I got it bad, and I still do. If you asked me right now, I’d go on my knees just for a slither of affection. I love you. I love you so much, and yet my heart will make more space tomorrow to love you even more. I don’t think I’ll ever stop and at this point, I don’t want to.”

“Jeno,” you whisper. You want to cry again. “Jeno, I’m going to be queen someday.”

“You already are,” he tells you. His voice is soft, just like how he’s holding you close to him. When you lay your hands on his chest, you can hear his heart racing, pounding heavily against his ribs. As if it’s trying to jump into your hands. “You’re my queen. After all, you rule over my heart and my mind. There’s not a second I don’t think about you. Is that so bad?”

“No.” Jeno lets you tug him closer, accepts the kiss you deliver to his lips and the countless ones after that. Every single one is an unspoken confirmation. I’m yours. “Jeno, I love you, but I can’t... I can’t marry someone...” Who’s not blue-blooded, you want to say. You don’t finish your sentence. He doesn’t let you.

“Choose me,” he begs you, heart on his tongue, delivered to you on a silver platter. It’s all he can offer you as Lee Jeno, your childhood prince, the one your heart and soul craves. “Please, choose me.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Time is a flimsy thing.

It flies by when you’re not paying attention, not even for the coronation of a new queen. It doesn’t halt for the freshly crowned, neither does it for anyone else. Compared to claiming your birth right, finishing university was way easier.

But the easiest thing was getting rid of this stupid tradition. It does not survive a day of your regency, despite many in your family bashing you for it. They were silenced the second your grandmother backs you up on it, and you’re eternally grateful for that.

She’s not going to do the same mistake again. Never again is she going to rip apart two lovers who aren’t meant to be seperated.

Lee Jeno is nothing but a regular boy, but it doesn’t stop him from falling to his knees the second the rule is disabled, never to be abided by again. There are crowns adorning your head that are more expensive than the ring he holds in his hands for you, but you’d toss them all away to keep him forever. There is nothing more precious to you in this world than your childhood prince.

You marry out of love, not out of duty. For the rest of your life, you’re going to wake up to Jeno and his sweet smile, crescent eyes and all. You’ll spend eternity reminding your soon-to-be husband how much you adore him, and someday, you’ll watch your children do that, too. You’re absolutely sure your father would be proud of you.

(And to make one thing clear - Yeeun makes a killer maid of honor. Both Jeno and you can vouch for that.)

You may not have ended up with a royal partner, but you sure as hell found your own Prince Charming.

[denqis]

Ok I hope this isn’t too vague (if it is, let me know!) but Kami and his s/o being cute together? Like cuddling and taking silly videos together and everyone is like EW GROSS but lowkey jealous because wtf they’re so cute together. Thank you!! I just want some disgusting fluff 🤧

OKAY LISTEN, LISTEN!!!! WHEN I READ THIS REQUEST AND WHILE MAKING THIS I TEARED UP??? i literally love denki so?much? he's my baby, my angel, my sun??? so yeah i probably went kinda overboard but thank you so so much for requesting this!💗

two halves of one idiot — kaminari denki x reader

- okay sO when you first walzed into that classroom, no matter how insecure or nervous you may have felt

- denki? boy oh boy, was he whipped

- he didn't show it, though, always making advances to every girl in your class

- you didn't care in the beginning

- but ever since he took your hand during the villain attack at the usj, you may have felt your heart skip the tiniest bit every time you caught a glimpse of him

- you got injured due to kurogiri's warp gate slamming your head against a rock, you were pretty much useless and a burden

- you felt dizzy and nauseous and denki, being the idiotic gentleman he is protected you by pushing you into a gap between two huge rocks, shielding you with his body

- when you finally decided to flee, he took your hand and rushed away, rendering you even more useless, slipping in and out of conciousness

- you felt bad for denki because he was handicapped due to you

- you invited him to lunch and took him out for ice cream once you were feeling better

- he didn't really like that you paid and wanted to pay you back for paying him back???

- endless spiral of idiocy

- both of you were broke and had gained a few kilos by the end of the week

- you definitely felt butterflies every now and then, especially when he purposely sat down next to you instead of sero or kiri

- you found out that the two of you enjoyed memes far too much

- it started with you quoting one of your favorite vines and he literally almost got whiplash when he heard it

- "OH MY GOD YOU LIKE VINES TOO?!"

- you greeted yourselves by quoting cody ko vines daily

- you'd stay after class with him, sitting across from him when he'd have extra study sessions

- jokes on you and him, he couldn't concentrate

- you'd snap the stupidest pictures of him, with instagram or snapchat filters and send them to him and his friends

- he'd notice you staring at him more and more and how you stuttered and blushed, it was so unusual

- he didn't change, still flirting with every girl around and you started feeling worse and worse, jealousy eating you up slowly but surely

- during the summer break you didn't meet up at all, due to you ignoring him, trying to fight your feelings

- but shit that day at the pool

- it came out of the blue and you contemplated on not going, but were eventually forced to

- you wanted to DIE when you saw denki in his tight swimwear

- the heat rose to your cheeks and your nether regions, you felt the distance you had put between the two of you

- he was so unsure of what to do, not even daring to look in your direction

- "dunce face what the fuck is wrong with you today?" bakugo was more pissed off than denki himself

- katsuki KNEW how both of you felt, he had overheard a pep-talk you were giving yourself about not freaking out when next to him

- let alone denki never actively pursued you so that must mean he's hella nervous around you

- denki suddenly felt everything crash around him, taking your hand into his just like he did back at the beginning of the school year

- all eyes were on the two of you, but you didn't care

- you were so very confused??

- until he stopped, nibbled on his lower lip and fiddled with his fingers, not meeting your gaze once

- both of you were tomato red, blame it on the heat or the sparks that were flying between the two of you (pun intended)

- you were about to raise your voice when he finally mustered up enough courage to smash his lips into yours

- he WAS A LITTLE TOO EAGER

- let's just say he almost lost a tooth and you almost peed your pants from laughing too much

- you couldn't stand up straight, holding your stomach and wheezing

- he was a pouty, upset little pupper after that, even more embarrassed than before

- "i like you too, idiot."

- that's when you leaned in, hands caressing his cheeks, lips lightly locking with his

- um... he was shocked, so shocked that he kinda mayhaps shocked you????

- he wanted to DIE, he felt so bad, but you liked the thrill

- you simply connected your lips again, moving so smoothly and naturally UNTIL

- someone cleared his throat, both of your heads whipped around and holy shit, oh no

- aizawa had just busted your asses

- "please, just please, never do that in front of me ever again. i don't want to have to update the whole teacher's office weekly on your relationship. you know how they can get."

- well since those kisses you tried to be not as touchy-feely

- but it almost turned routine that you two'd leave during breaks and could be found in the bathroom stalls

- SERO ONCE WAS IN THERE TOO AND HE'S NOW TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE

- y'all sum dumb bitches

- actually recreating vines, throwing empty bottles down the hallway, giving iida several heart attacks

- recording yourselves doing dumbass tiktoks just for shits and giggles

- you hated tiktok, calling it knockoff vine and shit

- you're playing the sims together and he always sets your house on fire

- SLEEPOVERS

- y'all deadass in the same dorm but it's too far away

- in the living room you'd always be connected to him one way or the other

- your favorite is laying in his lap with him massaging your scalp/ playing with your hair

- and omg when he leans down to kiss you? you were a goner

- everyone in your class hated you two, you were just amplifying each other's stupidity

- running around screaming profanities when school's out and getting into detention

- pulling out sero's tape while he was sleeping, taping himself up and hanging him upside down

- no one was safe from the two of you

- you loved to play cupid too, spying on the others and their potential crushes

- you wanted to go on double dates is that too much to ask for?

- your otp was bakugo and kirishima

- partly because they were so cute together but mainly because bakugo would get SO riled up about it that he nearly killed you two every single time

- there was this incident when denki had gotten no sleep, zero, zilch

- so he fell asleep in class, recharging, literally

- he had this huge adorable pout on his lips, face all squishy and blushed

- you couldn't help yourself, even though the risk of a teacher coming in every three seconds was huge

- you leaned down and pecked his pout, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes

- he was the cutest thing you had EVER laid eyes on

- you adored this stupid dipshit so so much, your heart was overwhelmed with the love you felt at this moment

- the whole class just stared at you, looking down at your boyfriend and CRYING??

- "ugh oh my god, disgusting. grow the fuck up y/n."

- you looked at bakugo through the curtain of tears and raised a middle finger at him

- he was jealous, you knew he was, because the inferior dumbass got a significant other while he didn't

- you simply went in for another kiss, curling his locks in your fingers, when he suddenly pulled you in for thirds, starteling you so much that you fell forward, ontop of his desk

- he shocked you AGAIN and your foreheads budded, giving both of you a huge hematoma in the middle of your forehead

- he's so overprotective, every time you'd have to work in pairs and you weren't paired up with him

- get ready for pouts and long stares

- paper planes with little i love you's scribbled onto them

- air kisses

- dude you were so cheesy and obvious

- you were the only couple in your year and no one wanted to admit how jealous they were

- you always brought him lunches because

- "gatorade and nutella toast aren't breakfast, denki."

- your heart was so full of love for this dumbass that whenever he spoke you felt the need to kiss him and cuddle him to near death

- you run at him and jump and he'd ALWAYS catch you, dropping everything around him

- you always prank him into cuddling you, when you pretend to be asleep in the living room so that he feels obligated to carry you to your (or his) room

- you'd just wrap your arms around his neck and pull him on top of you

- you loved having him close, hearing his heartbeat and steady breath

- he showers you with stupid little gadgets and gifts let's be real

- "i bought you this pen you talked about three weeks ago!"

- he's so attentive 🥺

- I LOVE KAMINARI DENKI AND YOU SHOULD TOO

[lesbianzhane]

our last summer (crygi)

a/n; hello again! this is the first time i’ve ever written crygi, so hopefully it’s not awful! i was originally basing this off of our last summer from mama mia, but i got a little sidetracked. despite that, i hope you all enjoy! any and all feedback is welcomed!

Crystal was fifteen years old when she did her first exchange program. She had always dreamed of working overseas, seeing the world and learning so many new things. When the school approached her and offered the opportunity to fly to Paris for an entire school year, she couldn’t refuse. She practically jumped for joy at it. Her parents were a bit skeptical of the whole thing, they were nervous that Crystal wasn’t going to be safe in a completely new country. Crystal, and the school, assured them that the entire time Crystal was in Paris, she would be protected and accounted for. 

She moved to Paris at the beginning of that summer. The school had told her it was to help her adjust, to ensure that when she settled into her new school life she had at least a small understanding of the city. The family that was hosting her had a daughter that would actually be going to her school, and the two of them hit it off almost instantly. Crystal was much more outgoing than Nicky was, and for a bit Crystal was nervous that she wouldn’t like her. Nicky warmed up after a couple of hours, telling Crystal all about the city and how things worked here. It made Crystal feel like a true part of their family, even after a short amount of time.

One day, the two of them were out in the city, ordering from a local coffee shop. That’s when Crystal spotted her. The tall, blonde haired girl who was struggling to relay her order to the barista in french. Nicky stepped in, translating for her. The girl had to be the prettiest person Crystal had the pleasure of laying her eyes on. Her legs seemed to go on for miles, and Crystal’s eyes wandered up the smooth expanse of skin exposed. The girl was wearing a tight miniskirt, and a simple button up shirt that fit her perfectly. Crystal wondered if it was legal for someone to be this breathtaking. 

Nicky had to nudge her to get her to stop staring. The girl shot them both an appreciative smile, stepping out of line as the two of them ordered. Crystal got a simple hot chocolate, relaying her order to Nicky so she could translate it to the barista. Once their orders were placed, Nicky decided to approach the girl they had helped. The french accent was heavy on her lips as she spoke, though her English wasn’t broken or hard to understand. 

“Hi, my name is Nicky. You’re welcome, by the way.” Nicky shoots the girl a cocky smile, and the look is reciprocated. 

“Thanks. I’m Gigi.” She holds out a hand for Nicky, and Crystal watches on in awe as the two of them easily fall into a conversation. Gigi explains that she is also here on an exchange program, and that she just so happens to be going to the same school as the two of them. Nicky swears that the three of them will be the best of friends, even if Crystal hasn’t said a word this entire time. Just as the thought crosses her mind, Gigi turns to her and tilts her head, waiting for an answer. 

“Huh? Oh! I wasn’t listening. What did you say?” Crystal tries to laugh it off, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck. 

“I asked what your name was. You haven’t spoken this entire time.” Gigi smiles with her teeth, and Crystal swears it goes straight to her heart. She stutters on her words for a moment, trying to formulate a proper sentence. 

“Crystal! My name is Crystal!” She quickly introduces herself, though she talks a bit too loud. The attention to the cafe shifts towards her, and she flushes a bright red. Their coffees, and Crystal’s hot chocolate, are placed in front of them and the three of them decide to leave. Crystal is happy to observe the two of them talking as they walk through the busy streets of Paris. She admires Gigi, the way her nose curves and the light dusting of freckles on her nose. The way her lips turn up and the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs. Crystal thinks she’s absolutely beautiful. 

-------------

About a month into Crystal’s summer, her and Gigi have become much closer. The two of them text almost everyday, usually Crystal sending Gigi some silly meme that made her laugh until she cried. Today, the two of them sit in an open field in the park close by Nicky’s house. It’s rare for the three of them to be separated, but today Nicky has to do something with her mother and couldn’t join them on their outing. Crystal is laying down against the grass, watching the way the clouds roll slowly across the sky. Gigi sits next to her, twirling a flower that Crystal insisted that she kept between her fingertips. 

Gigi had been struggling for the past few weeks with whatever she was feeling. It seemed that whenever she was around Crystal, her heart would race and all rational thoughts would fly out of her mind. Gigi had never felt this way before for anyone, not even the boys she had dated. Ever since she was little, she had known that she was different, but she never wanted to admit it. Back in LA, gay people weren’t exactly an anomaly. Her best friend, Jackie, was a lesbian. She remembered sitting on Jackie’s bed with her, watching the Persian cry as she came out to her. Gigi was incredibly happy for her, and those feelings that had been brewing up in her chest for any pretty girl that showed her the time of day only got worse. 

If Jackie was unapologetically herself, then why couldn’t Gigi? Her eyes flicked over to Crystal once more, and she rested her chin in her hand as she watched the other teenager. Crystal was also someone that Gigi looked up to. Not literally, considering that Crystal was a few inches shorter than her, but in a figurative way. Crystal was always herself, she never seemed to abide by anyone's rules but her own. Crystal was everything that Gigi wished she could be. 

Gigi lay down in the grass next to the other girl, staring up at the clouds. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and reaching over to lock both of their pinkies together. It was a simple gesture, but it made Gigi’s heart practically leap into her throat. Crystal didn’t seem to mind, instead the girl locked their fingers together and gave Gigi’s hand a squeeze. Gigi could have sworn she stopped breathing at that.

The pair lay in silence for a few moments, Gigi trying to regulate her breathing and Crystal sneaking peeks at the other from the corner of her eye. Gigi sat up abruptly, looking down at Crystal in the grass. Her heart pounded in her ears, and it was almost deafening. “Crystal, can I tell you something?”

Crystal sits up, concern present on her face. She fiddles with her fingers in her lap nervously, looking up at Gigi. “Yeah, of course you can.”

“I think…” Gigi wanted to confess everything. She wanted to tell Crystal how beautiful she thought she was, how her smile alone would make her day. She wanted to tell her how much she wished she could kiss her all day, and lay in bed and cuddle with her for hours. The words caught in her throat, and she had to force herself to look away from the other girl. “I think I’m gay.”

That hadn’t been exactly what she wanted to say, but it was enough. Crystal bounded forward, wrapping Gigi up in a warm hug. The presence of her friend was enough to put Gigi at ease, and she silently prayed that Crystal couldn’t feel the way that her heart pounded. She relaxed into the hug, closing her eyes and breathing in the sweet scent of Crystal's perfume. It was enough to make her feel at peace.

“I’m so proud of you, G.” Crystal whispered into her ear, and it sent chills down Gigi’s spine. After a few moments of simply holding each other, Crystal pulled away with a smile. The rest of their day was spent talking about girls they thought were attractive, and everytime Crystal laughed, Gigi had to force herself not to spit out that she thought Crystal was the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. 

-------------

Nearing the end of summer, Nicky had insisted that the three of them had a slumber party. Crystal didn’t really think it counted as a slumber party, considering that the two girls lived together. Really, it was just a sleepover with Gigi. Nicky was very adamant about the fact that it was a slumber party, because there were three people. Crystal just laughed at her and let her believe what she wanted. 

Gigi arrived in the late afternoon, and the three of them made their way to Nicky’s room. Crystal told her earlier that she wouldn’t be sleeping in there, and that Gigi could pick between sleeping in Nicky’s room or hers. She was pretty sure that Gigi would choose Crystal’s, but there was still a bit of doubt in her mind that the other girl would rather spend time with Nicky. She would consider Gigi her best friend here, and she hoped the sentiment was returned. 

Nicky, being the leader that she was, suggested the three of them watch horror movies. Crystal was an absolute baby when it came to them. Anytime even the slightest noise happened, she would jump and cower behind Gigi’s arm. Gigi thought it was absolutely adorable, and she would have to thank Nicky one day for allowing herself to be in this position. Once the first movie was over, Crystal had practically begged the two of them to watch anything else.

This was how they found themselves in the middle of some old romance movie. Nicky was long asleep by this point, and Gigi herself was starting to feel tired. It was the middle of the night, and Crystal seemed to be completely immersed in the movie. Her eyes were filled with tears as the two leads kissed in the rain, and when a breathy ‘I love you’ slipped out of the male character’s lips, the tears started flowing. Gigi blinked quickly, registering the way that Crystal sobbed beside her at the movie. 

She glanced down at Nicky’s sleeping form, before moving to tug on Crystal’s arm. “You alright? You’re crying a lot for some trashy romance movie.”

Crystal looked up at her, eyes glassy with tears. She sniffled, motioning for Gigi to follow after her. She led the pair down to her room, stepping inside and watching Gigi close the door behind herself. It certainly wasn’t the first time Gigi had stepped foot in Crystal’s room, but over the two months she had been in Paris, it changed. The walls went from being barren to being full of paintings that Crystal insisted she needed to own. The shelves filled with photographs of the three of them, most of which Crystal was smiling brightly as Nicky and Gigi laughed on either side of her. There was a photo in particular that always caught Gigi’s eye. 

It was of her and Crystal, sitting right on the girls nightstand. Crystal had her arm slung over Gigi’s shoulder, pulling the girl into the frame. Gigi looked shocked, mouth hanging open slightly as Crystal simply laughed beside her. It always made Gigi’s heart race when she stepped into Crystal’s room. It was special to her, and the fact that Crystal left it on her nightstand would make her believe that there was a possibility that Crystal felt the same way Gigi did. 

Crystal opened her mouth, tears still fresh in her eyes as she spoke. Her voice was hoarse and sleepy, and Gigi’s eyes were full of concern as she watched her. “I’ve been trying so hard to hide this, Geeg. I really have. But, school is about to start, and I don’t wanna go into it with all these thoughts in my head.” Crystal took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “I like you so much. So much more than a best friend. Ever since we met, you just make me feel like I’m living one of the stupid romance movies.” 

Crystal’s words tore straight into Gigi’s heart. Just like the night Gigi had come out to her best friend, she wrapped her up in a tight hug. She could feel the way Crystal tentatively held her back, and once she was sure the other girl had stopped crying, she pulled back. Crystal quickly spoke up, eyes darting away. “I’m sorry, I hope this doesn’t make things weird-”

Gigi didn’t let Crystal finish her sentence. She crashed her lips against the other girls, closing her eyes and pouring every longing emotion she could into the kiss. All the time she had fantasized about kissing Crystal didn’t live up to the real thing. Their lips fit together like perfect puzzle pieces, and Gigi could taste the cherry lip gloss that Crystal loved wearing. Gigi hoped that Crystal could feel just how much she loved the other girl.

After a few moments, Crystal pulled away to look up at Gigi. Her tears had dried, and were replaced with a small smile on her lips. Gigi could see how tired Crystal was, and she pulled the two of them towards the other girl's bed. They fell back on it, a small laugh escaping Crystal’s lips as they snuggled underneath the covers.

The two of them drifted off into a peaceful sleep, tangled up in eachother. 

-------------

Crystal was twenty two now. Every so often, she would text Nicky and the two of them would catch up on Facetime. They had parted ways after Crystal’s exchange program, but had never truly lost touch. Nicky was busy with her fashion label that she worked so hard for, and Crystal was a freelance artist bouncing around jobs. She had finally managed to leave Missouri, opting to move to New York. She figured she could get more art opportunities in such a big city.

Along the way, she had met some of her greatest friends. Jan, a musical theatre major, had proved to be someone that Crystal absolutely loved. The other girl would gush about her girlfriend, and soon to be wife, whenever she could. Crystal loved hearing about their love, she had always been such a hopeless romantic at heart. Jan was sure that Crystal and Jackie would get along swimmingly, and when Jackie finally visited, her theory was proven correctly. 

Jackie was smart, much smarter than Crystal was. She was wise beyond her years, and sometimes Crystal wondered if she really was just as young as they were. The two of them became quick friends, and it made Jan ecstatic. Crystal could swear she had heard the name before, but she couldn’t place her finger on it. 

Everytime Jan would gush about her fiance, or she would watch one of her favorite romance movies, her mind would wander back to her exchange program. She thought about Gigi, how she was doing and if she ever went on to become the seamstress she always dreamed of. Nicky never brought her name up, so she could assume the two of them hadn’t kept in contact after their year of friendship. 

That summer had always stood out to Crystal. It was the first summer where she experienced true love, the first summer she had ever been truly happy being away from home. Gigi had made that the best summer of her life, and every now and again Crystal would wish she could do it all over. Gigi’s number was still saved in her phone, even after all those years. The little heart she had next to it never changed, and it was a reminder of the time the two of them spent together. 

Crystal never brought up Gigi to her new friends. She didn’t want them to think she was weird for pining after a girl she had a romance with at fifteen years old. Still, that summer the spent together would forever remain in her memories.

She still had that damned photograph too, sitting behind a few new ones of her and Jan on her nightstand.

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

16.

I am sad that I had to leave Robyn in Mexico and come here, now I am exposed to idiots like always. I left Keeis to look after my home and of course, I mean why not. Sinko and Hoody have been staying here, I didn’t know but to my surprise they have been “nigga comes back with a tan and all in a daze, are you ok?” Sinko “just figuring out why you all in my home, Keeis I said no but why? I don’t want these niggas in my home?” I pointed at Keeis, I am not going to shout or get angry just ask why “why not? We have always done this, what is different now?” Hoody laughed “where have you been though? Like you come back with a tan and shit, you immigrating? Or you seeing the German?” shaking my head “it has nothing to do with you but I just came to gather some clothes, I am going to see Royalty’ game” walking off to gather some clothes “we will come with” I wish they wouldn’t but I don’t want to start acting all brand new with them, they going to start to try and dig into shit, I am not saying I went Germany because that bitch would have posted that and she hasn’t so they will then know I am lying, I am just going to slowly cut them off “aye, breezy” Hood said behind me, I abruptly stopped and looked to him “you good? Like I know you been taking hard drugs, I know riri got a baby now. You took it hard; I saw that on you. Now you are disappearing. I am here for you, I know you love her a lot and now she pregnant but just know she was for everybody, you know how it is. She was going to fuck a nigga and get pregnant, she wanted that, but you got yours! You got two kids and the mothers are loyal to you” My fist balled up, he does not know fucking anything and he is talking shit “loyal to my money, that is it. Just leave me alone, I don’t want you coming at my home when I am not here, I asked Keeis to be here, that is it. Just don’t” walking off, I need to pack some things but also punch a wall because I am so angry.

Hood and Sinko followed me here, not going to lie but I punched the wall because I was angry. But I got in my car and drove off and they came along, I don’t even know where to stand. I mean I can see Nia’ wide back from here so I guess I will stand there. Manoeuvring around the crowd of people, Nia bought her whole family here “hey” I said standing behind her “woah, wait!? I thought you wasn’t coming!?” Nia turned around in shock “well what happened, you are here!? Roro is going to be so happy oh my god” Nia’ mom moved out of the way as I stood next to Nia “why, I just came here. I thought what the hell. I didn’t want to upset her; it did upset me a lot. Where is she?” I mean clearly she is not here “she didn’t want to play today at all, I said to her that you would be upset if she didn’t. She has been sad all morning, but she is with her team preparing” my poor daughter I feel bad “I need to speak to you in private after, probably when it’s started. Like being straight up about shit” Nia looks all nervous now “oh yeah” looking behind Nia and at my mom “decided to come like you’re father Christmas, why did you upset her and do this?” shaking my head looking away from my mom, I don’t want to know and she better just stay away from me.

I am waiting for my baby to come out, nobody cares about that other team at all. My smile grew seeing Royalty’ team come out, clapping my hands “come on Roro! Let’s go baby!” I shouted while clapping, I whistled out too. Royalty clocked me, her face lit up “my dad! my dad is here!!” she screamed and ran away from her team “my dad came!” she shouted, moving away from the crowd and rushing over to Royalty “you came!” she screamed out, catching her as she ran into me “I made it for you stink” picking Royalty up, she is getting too tall for me to do all this “I am so happy dad! You came!” she wrapped her arms around my neck “of course I came, I made it. I am sorry” I felt bad on how I upset her so much, Royalty moved her head back “you going to score a goal for me now? If you wack I am not claiming you” Royalty yelped out “stop it! I am so happy you came” she kissed my forehead “I am happy too, you go back now ok? I think you going to get in trouble” placing Royalty on the ground “I will score a goal for you dad! Watch me!” she ran off, I swear I love that girl so much, she never lets anything hold her back, not even me. I know I be stressing my own daughter out with the shit I pull.

Nia laughed “Royalty stop looking over here! Look at the ball!” Nia shouted, she keeps looking at me to check if I am watching, of course I am watching her “come on baby!” I shouted “I always worry that she will break a bone that girl, she is clumsy at times” crossing my arms across my chest smiling “I am shocked she kept up with this, she be doing so much and did what I did when I was younger, got bored of it. I would be happy if she became some soccer player, I don’t care what she becomes, minus anything club related” I ain’t finna have my daughter do that shit “same, I don’t agree with that either, she is super happy you are here. I am happy you came, you didn’t say either?” shaking my head “what if something else came up and I let her down again, couldn’t do that at all” you never know with me “you seem like you have a lot on though, anything I should be concerned about that will affect Royalty?” I chuckled “uhm I don’t know yet, will talk to you after though. Less ears around” I mean my mother because she is just stood there listening to everything I say, I feel she hates me or hates what I have become or the simple fact I don’t obey her wishes when she is a hypocrite, she says it’s me but never takes fault for my childhood.

Holding Royalty’ water bottle as she ate her snack at half time, this girl is eating her lunch at half time “did coach say you could eat like this?” I asked, she shook her head “nope but you want some dad? Mom made them” she held her sandwich up at me “nah, she poisoned them” I laughed adding “be quiet, are you going to hurry up before coach sees this” Nia said, Royalty stuffed her sandwich in her mouth and got up from the floor “no pictures please” I said some random fans taking just that “little princess you doing good ain’t you” yes Hoody has come, he is waiting around for me or trying to stay close to me to see what I am doing “drink!” holding her bottle out to her “what you say?” I asked “thank you dad” smiling at my daughter “I have decided, I need to claim another child. You ain’t scoring, you are embarrassing me out there” Royalty moved her drink away in shock “stop it dad! I will do it, watch me” I chuckled “I will be watching but your team is losing, I am supporting the other team now” Royalty pushed me laughing “silly butt!” she spat.

Clapping my hands “Royalty! Come on, kick the ball” she is playing silly today “Jesus!” I groaned out, she is being terrible and I wanted to shout that but I didn’t, feeling my phone ringing in my pocket “little homie being bad on purpose” Hood said, I laughed shaking my head “on purpose and I came back for this” looking down at my phone, my baby calling me. Oh my god I am so happy to see that “hello” answering the call “I was expecting you to call me dumpling, how is you? Enjoying yourself? Was she happy to see her dad, I am missing my daddy now” Robyn’ voice goes straight to my dick “why is you talking like on the phone, I hear it in your voice little lady. You are my dumpling, but I am good just watching Royalty play her game, she was so happy to see me, but I am happy. How are you and little crumb” Robyn snorted laughing “little crumb, nigga you are making up words now. But mhm, I am missing you though, I want you in bed also check your messages, I sent you a little something. I thought she would be done but call me when you are, I am actually missing you though” I cooed out “I will be back soon dumpling, love you” my eyes bulged out, Hoody is just staring at me as he heard every word “I am going to kick your ass, love you too” she put the phone down “oh shit! You really got a new girl!? This is it” he shouted “fuck you, seriously. Get out of my face” walking away from him, let me see what she sent. Opening the message “oh yeah” she actually looks so sexy pregnant ‘Just a lil something’ is that kinky lingerie she got on, tilting my head. She got the lace lingerie on and suspenders, oh she is going all out “Go Roro!” hearing Nia shout, locking my phone looking behind me “yesss” I just saw my baby score “that is my baby!! Royalty!” I ran towards her “I scored for my daddy! I did it! I did it” my baby really did it for me.

I am super proud of my baby, she scored for me. Crouching down to Royalty “look over here now” Nia said, kissing Royalty’ cheek “my baby scored! Look at this award, so proud of you” putting my arm around her “awww this is so cute” holding my phone out to Nia “take one on mine” Nia took my phone “look at my medal dad, I told you I would score. And we won!” she yelped out “you did, I am so happy” looking at Nia smiling, Royalty kissed my cheek. I cooed out smiling “you two” getting up from my position and grabbing my phone from Nia, unlocking my phone and tapping on my messages. I sent the picture to Robyn ‘She won it!’ pressing send “you go and stay with meme; I need to speak to you mom. I won’t go, don’t worry” Royalty wasn’t happy I told her to go “just there, let me speak to your mom in private, it’s grown talk so move” Royalty stuck her tongue out at me “and you” I laughed, putting my phone in my pocket “after you” I gestured for Nia to walk ahead of me, I am scared that I will get a no because it is out of the country but I don’t know, it depends on what she says about this.

We walked a little away from the group “my baby is so happy you came; I think it gave her so much life to win. I am glad you came; you made the effort to break away from what you were doing. You go to just do it sometimes Chris, it’s just one of those things but to see her happy, I bet it was worth it?” nodding my head “it was, I just wanted to speak to you about something. This has nothing to do with my mom. I feel like Royalty is growing, she doesn’t care to go to meme home anymore and whatever. I am trying to do better by my kids, by myself and with you trusting me, that helps me so much. I enjoy spending time with Royalty. I am not sure if she told, I did promise her we would go away, daddy and daughter thing, Just us” Nia let out an oh “she didn’t but when she was upset she did say, he promised daddy and daughter but like didn’t go into it. So you mentioned it to her that you would take her away?” nodding my head “but I won’t do anything behind your back, I want to make sure you’re ok with it. If I can take her away with me, I am currently in Mexico just spending time thinking. I have nobody there, just me. I would enjoy the company but if you think it’s just too much, this is between me and you now” Nia nodded her head slowly, she is not sure how to take it, I get what she is feeling and with her having her doubts “I have this feeling that you are doing some soul searching, it is the holidays and she is at that age where she can do everything herself and, if you are ok with it. All I want is my daughter happy and is ok, she is happy with you. Royalty questioned why she had to go to Joyce’ home and not yours, she wanted to go to yours but she had to get second best, what I don’t get is that you don’t want your mom to know anything, why is that?” this is positive “she is negative, she will put doubts in my mind making me feel like I can’t look after her, it will be just in Mexico for a few days if you are ok with it? Royalty is going to be so excited when she hears it, this is the first time I will be taking her away on holiday on my own too” I ain’t ever done this before “she is going to be pretty excited, she is independent as it comes now but her happiness is what I care about” nodding my head in agreement.

“I want this to be raw, I want to be me Dennis. I am doing it my way so if I release this, it will be on my terms. I want to be personal to my fans, I want them to be included in my life but also not included so if I control what is being fed then I can control the information. So we have the pictures, we have some footage of the baby shower and gender reveal, not so much the scans but we missed that, I didn’t think life would have taken me here right now. We must start now, also I want you to ask me questions, questions you think my fans would ask me. I want you to get moments, so you better get your camera rolling. We going to edit this shit together too” watching Dennis write down things “that is a good idea” Tina greed “I want it to be mine and also Chris’ thing so like we can collectively post it but he can have his version too, I know I am working you but I know you can do it. I don’t want a big crew, just you being with us, doing what you need. Mobile videos, I will have some things, he may have some things, we will collate them. Just raw things, I want you to ask me what I am doing, what is happening. It will be like my personal blog I guess, a long one. I am putting this out for free because I will not have no price on my child’s head. Them motherfuckers won’t get to see her” I laughed “but that is it, my goal for now. My Fenty lines are fine right now, we are backed up with things flowing until I am truly back on my game” Dennis nodded his head, I know I have put a lot on him right now.

While Chris is not here, I thought I would start the little interview or whatever while I am outside on the lounger “is the camera rolling yet or nah?” Dennis out here just preparing and shit, taking his time. I forgot that I had a message from Chris actually, grabbing my phone “it’s rolling now” Dennis said, unlocking my phone and opening the message “awww she won her little soccer game” zooming into the picture, Chris looks like a proud dad “who has?” Dennis asked, turning my phone to him “I have not met this girl yet but Royalty Brown, she won her soccer match, look at that” holding it to the camera “how do you feel to be a step mother, I mean that is what you will be?” moving my phone back, locking the phone “I don’t know what that entails until I have my own daughter here with me, I can only think what it will be like. Did I think I would be a step mother? Hell no, but I myself had half siblings and I didn’t know how to handle that, I didn’t like it at all so I know how it feels to be in that situation. I would like different for my daughter, a different environment. I always felt like they saw a different side to my dad then I did, it wasn’t good. I mean I still see them but it’s just one of those things where you think did you get the better side of my parent; I just don’t want that. I am nervous about all that” Dennis nodded his head “what made you want to marry Chris; is it love still?” Dennis is making me laugh “he asked, and I said yes, if you know me then you know the love I hold for him. It was one night which has turned into this, I think we are both at a different points in our lives where we are adults, I mean sometimes. I want to do this for her, she is the love of my life. I want her to have the best. I don’t want to go into detail with what Chris and I spoke on, but it’s been an emotional ride with him. It is our time, it’s time for Chris and Rihanna to be happy. People will have their opinions but what does it matter when you’re happy, I am happy. It’s been the most natural disaster thing to happen, and it’s funny because it just happened. And you all can hate Mel” I laughed “I am joking but when my daughter is older, she sees this. She will say my mom did what she needed to do, that is all that matters to me” they going to hate me so much.

[sickenoughsteve]

Each Month of the Pandemic’s Biggest TV Show and What it Says About That Point in the Pandemic

As human beings, we were designed to consume content. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Don’t let anyone lie to you and try to claim we once went outdoors. It’s not true. We didn’t. We belong indoors with no friends, watching shows. These are simple facts, my friends. I hate to break it to you if this is news to you. But I will say, you are a little naive.

Do you remember March 2020? Oh my goodness, what a time that was. The pandemic had just kicked off, we were told we’d be able to work from home (or WFH, if you don’t have time to write the whole thing out) for maybe a week or two while this “whole virus thing” blew over. 

No direction whatsoever from the government or our leaders. Just a general “we gon be aight” Kendrick Lamar type vibe. 

Trump was saying it was the flu! I’ve had that. That’s nothing. Coughing is not that bad. “Oh shit, people are dying, though?” we gasped. Oh well, let’s just not think about it!

Everything was novel and exciting! “This is so cool,” we all thought. “My first pandemic. Let’s goooo!” exclaimed the masses.

In March we were introduced to perhaps the wackiest show of the whole Demic, but an undeniably PERFECT way to kick us into this new life we now all know far too well...

Tiger King (March - Netflix)

This show had everything we possibly could’ve asked for to get us started. LGBT representation, tigers, white on white crime, multiple subplots, Shaquille O’Neal, and a woman who murdered her husband and got away with it. Nice!

We had no idea where this year would take us... the rock bottom many of us would hit, the loneliness, the despair. But we got to see what wacky ass motherfuckers in Oklahoma do with their time and it was just as absurd as we thought it would be.

A truly great start. Which leads nicely to our next month...

The Last Dance (April - ESPN/Netflix)

From the GOAT of Tigers to the GOAT of basketball, both of which are assholes, we have The Last Dance. This show was basically Michael Jordan’s chance to further prove he’s a dick.

We all loved it!

Keep in mind, there were no sports being played at this time. We were all desperate for ANY kind of action, even NBA footage from the 90s. 

Perfect timing for a self congratulatory documentary on stuff we already kind of knew about. Lots of memes came from it. Scottie Pippen being vastly underpaid came to light. Just generally, a nice way to continue easing into lockdown. Nicely done, MJ. 

Too Hot to Handle (May-ish - Netflix)

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, a show about horniness did make the cut. 

This was more April than May, but it’s on Netflix so it’s hard to really say. This was a show about trying to not have sex on an island of hot people with a monetary prize arbitrarily made up on the fly by the show’s producers!

Perfect. By now, none of us were having ANYthing even remotely resembling sex, and if we were it was with... our partner? Ugh!

Another perfect show for this time of the year.

I May Destroy You (June - HBO)

I’d venture to say, by this time in lockdown, I was more interested in trying to find a show I actually thought was good, rather than continuing to tarnish my brain with filth.

This show and Michaela Coel are both actually very good, to the point where I can’t really even make a joke here.

Good show, right as we needed it, being locked in our apartments for the fourth straight month.

Dating Around (July - Netflix)

Also difficult to determine whether this was in July. But again, we were not dating so the idea of not only dating but dating AROUND was pretty fucking compelling.

If you’ve seen the show, you know how toxic the photo I chose is, and I’m sorry for giving you PTSD. 

I will admit I watched the entire show as well as the Brazilian spinoff. Absolute banger.

Selling Sunset (August - Netflix)

Came for the drama, stayed for the unbelievable homes and weirdly subtle moments of humanity.

“Bald, short, rich twin brothers who also happen to be real estate tycoons? Ok... I don’t think this show is for me.” -Everyone, before watching Selling Sunset.

“OK, I get it” - Those same people 15 minutes into episode 1.

This show has multiple seasons but you can literally watch any episode and kind of figure out what’s going on.

Perfect background noise, which at this point in the Demic, we desperately needed.

Ted Lasso (September - Apple TV+)

At a time that desperately required wholesome goodness, Ted Lasso more than delivered.

I’d argue one of the most slept-on post-SNL careers belongs to Jason Sudeikis. We’re the Millers is an iconic film, deserving of an Oscar (or two) but nobody is ready for that conversation.

This was by far the most important release from Apple TV+ (I think that’s what it’s called). Also disclaimer for those of you who hate sports... it has very little sportage, if that’s a word. But yeah, not too many sports! Don’t worry!

Emily in Paris (October - Netflix)

So, without namedropping (because I’m not tacky) the star of this show went to my high school. Therefore, how could I not include it?

Don’t say “weird flex, but ok” to me. It’s not that weird of a flex. Her career is taking off! I like being able to say I knew her before! Sorry!

An undeniably silly and not very good show, it still swept the nation due to the fact that all of us now DESPERATELY want to travel.

We’d go anywhere! But Europe would take the cake. Literally send me to a random industrial town in Germany. I will eat that shit up.

Show is cute enough and pretty entertaining. Perfect as we headed into... Surge Winter™.

CNN (November - CNN, duh)

I know I run the risk of losing you... which I may already have considering how long this damn piece is getting... but I’m going to delve into politics (briefly).

There was no show that could outperform the drama unfolding IRL with trump and biden. Joseph calmly dismantling fascism was really cool to see.

And yes, I’m aware there are other news channels and that CNN is probably fake news, but you know what? I don’t care. I watch CNN because I like my news SASSY! Sue me.

The Flight Attendant (December - HBO)

This show is not even that good, but a psychotic alcoholic who gets caught up in a murder mystery is basically exactly what the content gods knew we were asking for.

Pure recklessness. No redeeming qualities in the protagonist. Just a generally lost and bad person. This is who we all have become.

Kaley Cuoco, you represent us all. Thank you. We now feel heard.

--

I was going to do January but the month isn’t over and this piece is too long, so uhh... holla at me IRL if you want to know what I’m watching rn. Peace!

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Playlist Meme - Saarai (of course)

I was tagged by @thehighground​ (thank you! :D) this one was super fun!! I was caught between the twins of who I should do for this one, Saarai won because she is my favourite and her 70-song playlist was basically made for memes like this (yes, you heard me, 70. No it’s not a typo. Yes I have a slight, maybe, problem with her being my favourite LOL) 👍

I’ve shared all their playlists at various points, if you search up the “swtor oc theme songs” and “oc playlist” tag on the blog you should be able to find them! Or if you want links to the full playlists drop me a line and I can link you to them no problem! :D

Just the one this time cause this one’s pretty long, if I get tagged again tho I’ll do Ni’kasi next! :D

I shall tag (if you feel like it, no pressure as always!) @abyssal-space​ @stratosara​ @anchanted-one​ @pauletta-00​ @hypnowinnermugpeach​ and anybody else who wants to have a go, this one’s super fun! Long post so under a cut! <3 gonna pop the content warning up here to: TW for mention of past abuse/manipulation and parental abuse in one of the songs in case ya wanna avoid it. there’s a warning above the specific section as well if you wanna read the rest and just skip that song, up to you!

♦️  Their intro theme: Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats

“I’m gonna get myself in fighting trim, scope out every angle of unfair advantage. I’m gonna bribe the officials, I’m gonna kill all the judges! It’s gonna take you people years to recover from all of the damage!! Our mother has been absent, ever since we founded Rome. But there’s gonna be a party when the wolf comes home.”

♦️  Their own favorite song: DARKSIDE - Shinedown

(She has to set a good example with being one of the leaders of the Alliance (especially because her saying “don’t do that” is the only reason her sister and Aria don’t go for their new Jedi allies - at least to start with, before the Alliance y’know, bonds and becomes a proper coalition!). But learning to trust Jedi was still hard for her after what they did to her people, and I feel like if it existed in the verse she’d find it relatable and listen to it a lot.)

“Can you hear me, am I speaking clearly? Are you star-struck or just made of stone? Block out the actors, and all these bastards. That took all the fun out of rage and revenge.”

♦️  Their boss battle theme: Castle - Halsey

(it was difficult to pick one for this one, she has quite a few in her playlist that I consider her “boss battle” songs for various points in her life/the two different verses. But I think this one is the most universal! :D)

“I’m heading straight for the castle. They wanna make me their Queen. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ that I ‘probably shouldn’t be so mean.’ I’m heading straight for the castle...they got the kingdom locked up. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ ‘I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut!’.”

♦️  Their love song: (one for each of her main ships, but again, they have whole playlists because I use playlists to “set the mood” of the character/ship while I write. Pro writing tip, do it. It helps [nod nod] <3)

For Zephyrverse/Sash: Heaven’s Gate - Fall Out Boy

“And in the end if I don’t make it on the list, would you sneak me a wristband? Or would you give me, give me, give me a boost? Give me a boost over heaven’s gate. I’m gonna need a boost, cause everything else is a subtitute for your love. Give me a boost over heaven’s gate.”

For Subterfugeverse/Lana & Koth: The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

“I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do. As much as I do...Cause you’re the last of a dying breed, write our names on the wet concrete. I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me. I’m here in search of your glory, there’s been a million before me, that ultra-kind of love you never walk away from. ”

♦️  Their sad times song: Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along (tw: mention of abuse/manipulation, parental abuse)

“ ‘Bruno, what happened to your good sense?!’ I broke down ‘That man was good!!’ ‘I bet he works for the government!’ Did you hear about that mother, broke her daughter’s legs in two and said: ‘It’s too dangerous out there to walk so I have to save you!’ ”

♦️  A song that fits their aesthetic: Woman King - Iron & Wine

“Black hoof mare. Broken leg. Eye on the shotgun shell. Age old dog. Hornet’s nest. Built in the big church bell. Hundred years, hundred more. Someday we may see a woman king, sword in hand, swing at some evil and bleed.”

♦️  A song that reminds them of a better time: Downhill - Lincoln

(though most of this song has sad undertones to it, this part in particular would remind her of the short time she had with her father when he was alive, when he would take the twins outside and sit them on his lap to look at the stars <3)

“Cause you were the first one to show me the stars. And they don’t mean much to me, but I still wonder where you are. Some nights I still try to find you, relative to constellations. And all your relatives are still on vacation, or so I heard from a friend...”

♦️  A song that calms them down: 10,000 Enemies - Emeli Sandé

(headcanon that this is a song their mother D’leah used to sing to her and her twin, Ni’kasi, when they were children hiding out on Rishi and it stuck with her.)

“I hear the sweetest sound, blowing from the North. It says ‘don’t panic now, what’s mine is yours...’ I hope 10,000 times you tell me the truth. Cause now there’s much to do. I trust in you. I shall be free...I shall be free. We shall be free.”

♦️  A song that gets them hyped up: Young And Menace - Fall Out Boy

“We’ve gone way too fast for way too long. And we were never supposed to make it half this far. And I’ve lived so much life, lived so much life. I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice.”

I’m assuming this section is meant to mean a song the character would associate with each season? So I hope I’ve interpreted that correctly, I wasn’t really sure what else it was referring to. So that’s what I’m doing LOL

♦️  Spring: Thunder - Imagine Dragons

“Just a young gun with a quick fuse. I was uptight, wanna let loose. I was dreaming of bigger things and wanna leave my own life behind. Not a yes sir, not a follower, fit the box, fit the mold, have a seat in the foyer. Take a number, I was lightning, before the thunder.”

♦️  Summer: The Times They Are A’Changin’ - Fort Nowhere

(a.k.a the time of year where everything went to hell for her, though she uses it to remind her of how far she’s come once she’s older and more at peace with everything that happened so it’s positive in the end!)

“Come gather round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown, and accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, well you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone. For the times, they are a’changin’.”

♦️  Autumn: Dragon - Built By Titan feat. Skyborne

“When I was younger, I had a dragon. We would fly away to places you can’t imagine. And this is a story, of a lonely island. And a boy who found a way to become a lion.”

♦️  Winter: Youth - Glass Animals

(Winter is when Ty was born so it’s a mixed bag of trauma-induced depression (See “sad-times” song above), missing her twin and being sad about what happened but also wanting to make sure Ty never has to experience what she did and just wanting him to have a safe & happy life, so. This song kinda fits that.)

“Boy, when I left you you were young. I was gone but not my love, you were clearly meant for more than a life lost in the war. Oh, I want you to be happy, free to run get dizzy on caffeine, funny friends that make you laugh and maybe you’re just a little bit dappy.”

♦️  The song that plays while they’re lying on the ground bleeding out in a Walmart: Everything You Ever - Neil Patrick Harris (from Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog)

“So your world’s benign. So you think justice has a voice? And we all have a choice? Well now, your world is mine.”

♦️  The song that would play each morning if they’re stuck in a time loop: Ends Of The Earth - Lord Huron

“ Oh, there's an island where all things are silent, I'm gonna whistle a tune. Oh, there's a desert that size can't be measured; I'm gonna count all the dunes.”

♦️  The song they’d listen to while robbing a Wendy’s: Pork Soda - Glass Animals

“Somebody said I’m a fucking slum, don’t know where I belong. Maybe you’re fucking dumb, maybe I’m just a bum. Maybe you’re fucking scum, don’t you go psycho chum.”

♦️  The song they’d accidentally introduce to people in medieval times if they were a time traveller: The Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show.

(Also not accidentally, she has a silly side and she’d probably play this one for the LOL’s to see who got it or who got mad. She’d totally learn the dance moves and do those too XD)

“ The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again.”

♦️  The song they’d play in the middle of the night when their neighbors are being too loud: Blood // Water - grandson

("Do you think if I play a really loud, aggressively threatening song they’d shut the fuck up? I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna try it.” XD).

“You’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter, what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water?!”

♦️  The song that plays at their funeral: Sax Rohmer #1 - The Mountain Goats

“Ships loosed from their moorings capsize and then they're gone. Sailors with no captains watch a while and then move on. And an agent crests the shadows and I head in her direction. All roads lead toward the same blocked intersection. And I am coming home to you. With my own blood in my mouth...yes I am coming home, to you. If it’s the last thing that I do.”

♦️  The song that plays when it’s revealed that they faked their death: Joan of Arc - Arcade Fire

“You’re the one that they used to hate but they like you now. And everything that goes away will return somehow....first they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again...and then they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again.”

[smallblueandloud]

For the AU ask meme: Thirteen x Rose, Role Reversal AU ✿

thank you so much for being patient with me - i hope this makes up for the wait! (under a cut, because this one got long. turns out i’ve missed doctor who writing, lol.) send me an au and i’ll send you 5+ headcanons about it (eventually!)

jane smith is thirty five years old and she lives in cardiff.

she lives with her granddad, graham, and her step-second-cousin (yeah, it sounds rather awkward) ryan, who’s the grandson of her granddad’s second wife grace. ryan’s got a best friend named yaz, who’s training to be a police officer, and who stops by more days than not after she gets out of work.

ryan’s working as a mechanic, and jane goes with him sometimes to help him out - she loves using her hands and working to take things apart and put them back together.

she herself has a job as a primary school science teacher. she loves working with kids - has for her entire life - and she loves teaching them to look at the universe with just a little more wonder. she’s never really thought about having kids, though. she’s never really dated anyone very seriously, is the thing, and anyways she doesn’t want them. she used to, she knows, but something changed at some point, and now she knows that’s never going to happen.

it’s just her and her granddad, these days, and of course ryan and yaz, since her parents died in an accident while she was in uni.

but she’s happy! she loves her students, she loves what she teaches, and she loves getting up in the morning. she’s working on a novel in her free time, about an adventurer of some kind who travels through time and space - she’s thinking it should be some kind of kids’ series, to teach them history and science in an interesting way - but she’s rather bad at writing, so it’s not very good. she loves writing it, though!

one day, she’s out to the store with her granddad when she bumps into a blonde woman, completely knocking her foodstuffs out of her hands. after a hasty apology (or seven) later, and lots of blushing, jane and her granddad go on their way.

graham teases her about it, a little, but jane still has to work on her lesson plan for the coming week, so she rushes him home and tries not to think about the woman’s (rose, she’d said, my name is rose) smile and hands and-

jane is thirty five years old and has only ever had three boyfriends. she’s starting to think it might be because of a bigger issue than her chronic absent-mindedness.

a few weeks later, she’s out to the movies with ryan and yaz, when they run into rose again. this time, she’s with a friend of hers, who winks suggestively at her when he introduces himself but seems nice enough.

jane’s… reasonably sure that rose and her friend jack aren’t dating, but something about jack still puts her on edge. she shrugs and tries to wave it off, though, because the movie is rather good and afterwards they go out for ice cream.

surprise, surprise! rose and jack are there too. it’s a genuine mistake on everyone’s part, but the two groups sit together to discuss the movie, and by the end, ryan has gotten rose’s number to ask her a question about the engine that rose mentioned she’s building in her garage.

ryan makes plans to go over to rose’s house to look over the engine, and he asks if he can take jane along (she’s a big fan of mechanics, too!). rose agrees immediately, and so off jane goes, and tries not to act too embarrassingly.

at some point, ryan is engrossed in the engine, and rose sidles over to jane. they begin a conversation, mostly about engines, that devolves into their greater life circumstances, and eventually about jane’s job.

jane is halfway through a long, impassioned rant about the utter beauty of the voyager probe and the things that humanity decided represented itself when rose kisses her.

jane is thirty five years old and she is definitely not straight.

they break apart to ryan grinning at them. nice one, jane! he says to her. she’s had a crush on you since the beginning, he says to rose.

rose smiles at her. that’s good. i have too.

and so begins the tale of rose and jane. they’re suddenly in the middle of each other’s lives, and it’s wonderful.

rose is over at their house almost once a week for movie night (they cuddle on the couch - it’s the highlight of her week). jane goes over to the house that rose shares with jack every friday, and they work on rose’s engine together.

jane can’t draw, and she can’t really write, and she can’t paint. but she can make things. she gets into the habit of making little mechanisms for rose - sort of half sculpture, half tool things that will, for example, fix a squeaky hinge, or walk after being wound up, or just look pretty. rose collects things that remind her of jane and give them to her the next time she sees her - things like lines of poetry, pictures of beautiful places, or flowers. jane gets a lot of flowers.

sometimes she catches rose looking at her sadly. she always says it’s nothing when jane asks, but one day, at jane’s house, she confesses that jane sometimes reminds her of an old, old boyfriend, who rose still misses. i guess i have a thing for adorable science nerds, says rose, grinning. i love you, though. you know that, right?

(jane is floating on air for days after that conversation.)

rose’s job is dangerous. jane doesn’t know what it is, exactly, but she knows it’s under jack somehow and that it’s important work. sometimes she gets to dinner looking exhausted and worried, and sometimes she’s injured - she never tells jane exactly what it is, though, just smiles at her and asks about her students.

one day, though, jane is out with everyone - rose, her granddad, ryan, yaz - for dinner. the waitress is being very rude, asking all sorts of personal questions, and downright ignoring yaz. she even leans over their food - to “see how good it smells”, apparently - in a bid that seems like a convoluted way to spit in their food as they watch. jane is, therefore, in a bad mood.

rose seems nervous, too. they don’t even get through their appetizers before she’s completely ignoring any attempts at conversation in favor at craning her neck to watch the waitress, who’s standing at the door of the kitchen with three other people who do not look like they belong in their restaurant. in fact, if jane squints, the shortest one looks a lot like a little boy in the class next door to hers.

several things happen in quick succession:

the four at the kitchen turn and begin to walk towards their table as one. rose opens her phone and yells NOW into it. jack - of all people, what the heck is going on, thinks jane - bursts in carrying something that jane belatedly recognizes as a huge gun-looking thing. it seems like it wouldn’t be out of place in her terrible novel, in fact.

jane rips her attention away from rose, who is grabbing the gun from jack and yelling EVERYONE GET UNDER THE TABLES, because ryan is tugging on her sleeve and looking panicky.

we need to go, he says, and behind him yaz and jane’s granddad nod in frantic agreement. we have to go, jane!

i’m not leaving rose here! says jane, before everyone’s attention is drawn back to rose, who’s locked in some sort of... stalemate with their rude waitress, who has also produced a sci-fi looking gun.

jane, says rose, very quietly, turning back to her. she looks like she’s in pain, but she also looks very certain of how this is going to go. please. you need to go.

jane doesn’t go.

rose sighs and turns back to the waitress. you’re here for me, i expect, she says. fine. as long as you don’t hurt the others.

jane, says yaz, but jane ignores her. jane, we really HAVE to go. now.

the waitress laughs. you think we’re here for you, silly girl? get out of our way.

rose blinks, surprised. you’re-

she turns to look at jack, who looks just as surprised. you’re here for me? he says. i’m not going to be able to help you. you can’t steal anything from me.

the waitress laughs again. oh, humans. so arrogant. step aside. she looks across the restaurant and makes eye contact with- with jane, of all people. she and the other three begin to move towards her. jane suddenly understands, with devastating clarity, what the phrase “a deer in headlights” feels like.

no! shouts rose, and shifts in between them. her voice has changed, somehow. it sounds different. it sounds powerful.

you will NOT harm them, she says, but something is wavering, like her students’ voices do when they haven’t practiced something enough yet. they are under my protection. SHE IS UNDER MY PROTECTION.

and again, the waitress scoffs, and brushes rose aside as if she’s nothing.

i’ll give you anything you want!, says rose, sounding desperate now. the power has left her voice, or maybe run out - and now she just seems scared. i love her! i can’t- you can’t- my husband warned me of you. i know who you are! the Family. your kind nearly killed my husband. you will NOT kill my girlfriend!

finally, the waitress stops to look rose in the eye. she shakes her head. foolish girl, she says. you may be powerful, but you are still young, and your ship is far away. who are you to claim to protect a time lord?

NO, shouts ryan and yaz, in unison. jane falls to her feet with a splitting headache that she’s only just noticing she has, and graham runs to her side. doctor, he says, we need you! come back, doctor! look- and he pulls an old fashioned fob watch out of his pocket. doctor, come back!

jane has just enough time to think it’s just like my novel, when-

he opens it, and everything goes white.

the doctor is several thousand years old and lives in her tardis.

she lives with her friends: graham, his grandson ryan, and yaz. she also lives with rose tyler, the love of her life, who returned to her after a lifetime spent in another universe with another version of her.

when the doctor thinks about how they reunited, she can’t stop herself from laughing. “you must’ve thought i was so foolish,” she says to rose, one day, as they’re sitting in the kitchen together. “here i was talking about saturn and the mysteries of its rings, and you’d been all over the universe, both with me and on your own.”

rose smiles at her and winds their fingers together. “i dunno,” she says, and looks at the way that their matching rings glint in the light. “i thought you were magical.”

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 12

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,311 for this chapter (53,098 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

The last time that Dan was alone with his mum for longer than a few minutes at a time over Christmas, their conversation had felt awkward and stilted. All of the things they had to say to each other lingered right below the surface, sharpening the edges of the conversation in a way neither of them knew how to acknowledge.

That's what Dan expects this lunch to be like. He thinks he's prepared for every option of what his mum might say to him, carefully building up the familiar walls in case he needs them, but.

She arrives late with apologies on her lips and Colin in her arms, frazzled as always, and it's almost comforting to Dan that she hasn't gotten any more punctual since he moved out. That's something they share that used to drive his dad up the wall. Maybe it still does. Dan wouldn't know. The only reason he's on time is that he came straight from work to nab a table at the dog-friendly brunch place that Yelp insists is good, and he's been happily dog-watching since he sat down.

"Sorry, sorry, hi," his mum is saying, dropping Colin on Dan's lap without warning. "Traffic was a bloody mess."

"That's alright," Dan says, but the words are coming out on autopilot. He scratches Colin's fuzzy head and blinks back the wetness that threatens to well up behind his eyes.

It's been a good few months since he'd last seen Colin, and he's as cute as ever. Dan can bet that the collar is brand new, though - the vertical stripes on it are narrow and the hues are garish, but there's no doubt about what it is.

"It's nice, yeah?" his mum asks as she sits across from them, clearly noticing Dan's preoccupation. "I hope I grabbed the right one."

Dan swallows around the growing lump in his throat and lets his fingers brush over the bright rainbow around Colin's neck, making sure it's there and real. It's a gesture that he didn't expect, and one he has no idea how to deal with. He keeps petting Colin absently and meets his mum's eyes.

"It's perfect," he tells her. "Suits him."

"Suits you," she counters lightly. She gives him a soft, sad sort of smile. "Caught you on the telly yesterday. I haven't seen you look this happy in a long time, bear."

Oh, fuck. Dan is not going to cry, not surrounded by dogs and strangers in this weirdly bougie restaurant in Chelsea. He wipes hurriedly at his eyes and feels a rush of gratitude when his mum pretends she hasn't seen, looks down at the menu.

He hadn't expected this. He doesn't know why, since he'd thought about a million and one ways that this lunch could be awkward or painful, but he somehow never thought she'd be so... supportive.

And maybe that's not fair of him. His mum had supported him when he'd dropped out of school, when he'd bought a one-way ticket with his shitty Asda paychecks, when he came home from drinking in the park at three in the morning with a split lip. She hasn't been perfect by any means, and because of that Dan has always assumed that her support was conditional even if her love was not.

Vividly, he remembers the way she'd cheer on the sidelines of any game he or Adrian played - although Adrian had wanted to play, the absolute freak - and how embarrassed he'd felt at the time, hot under the collar from the attention.

"I am happy," Dan tells her. They are both looking at their menus now, one of his hands shaking on Colin's back. "I'm - it feels good to be honest with myself and with you guys."

"With yourself?" his mum asks, her voice softer than he's heard it since he was a child. "Oh, Daniel. You didn't know?"

That's not something he really wants to get into with her, but Dan understands why she's asking. He's almost thirty years old. She'd probably just thought he was keeping it from her, not smothering his own wants for fifteen years. "No, like. I knew. But I didn't want to know. It's not like it's been fucking easy, has it? So I just. Pretended it wasn't there as best as I could, and. I've been pretending for a really long time, mum."

There's more to it, but she doesn't need to know any of that. Dan doesn't want to sit there and tell his mother how much he'd hated himself, how unsafe he'd felt at school and home and out with his 'friends', how there had been a point where he didn't want to live at all if he had to be gay.

Dan had definitely come a long way in the decade or so since then, but he'd done that by keeping a box of feelings locked up tight and ignoring the voice in his head that reminded him how much he wanted men.

Now, he feels... okay. He's going to be okay.

His mum's hand covers his on the table, the size difference between them almost comical.

"I love you," she says. "Blimey, I can't even imagine. I'm so glad you told me, Daniel. I feel like... like we don't really know each other that well."

Maybe a week ago, that might have gotten Dan's back up against the wall. And whose fault is that? he thinks but doesn't sneer, because his mum had put a rainbow collar on Colin and keeps saying she loves him. He can fight past the automatic defensiveness.

Dan runs a hand over Colin to calm himself back down, smiling when Colin licks his hand. Eventually, he feels like he can respond to her without snapping something he'd regret later. "That's true."

Luckily, their waiter stops by their table with three waters - two in glasses, one in a bowl - and effectively startles Dan and his mum out of the very serious conversation they'd decided to have in a public place. The conversation moves on to their jobs, Adrian's various adventures, and how good of a boy Colin is. Dan remembers to ask after his grandparents and his mum snorts into her vegan pancakes at one of his jokes, so. It's all going suspiciously well.

They even have the waiter take a photo of the three of them, which is surreal to Dan. He's not used to this, to wanting to have a physical reminder of any time he's spent with his family, but they're having such a nice start to the afternoon.

There are moments where Dan can feel the gap more deeply, though. Stories that carefully don't include his father. Questions she asks that he doesn't know the answer to.

It gets to a point, boiling up inside of Dan, that he has to ask before he explodes.

"Mum," he says, quiet. They're nearly done eating, which means that if this goes badly Dan can easily hug his mum goodbye and go take comfort in Phil's lap. "Did you... did you tell Dad about my text?"

He's nervous to look at her when he asks, but he's glad that he didn't try to hide. The anger that flashes across her face for a split second is so vindicating that Dan can't even imagine how differently he'd feel about his mother if he'd never seen that.

"I did," she says shortly.

There's a beat. "I suppose you're going to tell me that he'll come around and he loves me?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything of the sort," his mum says. Dan is desperate to look away now, doesn't like seeing that disapproving twist of her mouth even if it isn't directed at him. "You're both grown men and can make your own decisions. I made mine, that's all I can do."

Dan swallows hard and gives Colin a nibble on his bacon so he has an excuse to break eye contact with her. "Adrian's fine with it."

"Well, of course he is. And of course I am too, Daniel, because even if I had some issue with gay people - which I don't," she stresses the words like she's trying to convince Dan, "one of my best friends is a lesbian, she's a lovely woman - I would still prioritize my son who I love over any of that prejudicial nonsense. It takes a very special kind of person to think that anything about their child is worth not speaking to them."

Ten, fifteen years ago, Dan had been convinced that everyone in his life would hate him for this part of him that he kept under wraps. He hated himself, why would other people be any different?

And maybe that could have been the case back then, before society started to get its shit together a little bit and 'gay' stopped being synonymous with 'bad'. There's no way to know for sure, and he supposes it doesn't really matter. That's not the timeline he lives in.

Dan chances a glance at his mum, who is idly folding her napkin into various floppy origami shapes like she needs to be doing something with her hands.

The question sticks in his throat, but Dan forces it out anyway. His mum has said a lot of nice things that he's going to cry about when he's alone, but he needs to know how far that extends.

"And... am I still invited to Christmas?"

His mum blinks up at him, looking a bit startled. "Of course you're still coming to Christmas. My home is your home and always will be, don't be stupid. If your father wants to put his own selfish arse over his sons, then he can be the one to fuck off. We don't need him to have a good holiday."

Dan buries his face in Colin's fur and squeezes his eyes shut for just a moment, letting the gratitude and grief wash over him.

Out of every scenario he'd pictured, Dan never even thought to hope for this kind of unconditional acceptance. He knows that they still have a long way to go, that he and his mum will always have things they can't say to each other and that Adrian will never be his best friend, but. They're trying. All three of them are trying to navigate this so that they can be a bit closer, know each other better, and that's a start.

--

The park isn't far, but Dan's mum insists on driving so she doesn't have to walk back and get her car later. Dan hates how much he relates to that.

An old CD blares over the car's shitty speakers, knocking Dan back into childhood the way few things can. Some indie punk bullshit from the 90s that he still somehow knows all the words to. They both sing along to it and his mum scream-laughs when Colin barks, coincidentally in rhythm with the drums.

Dan is having fun with his mum, a concept that is so foreign to him he's half convinced it's a sleep-deprived hallucination, and he almost forgets to text Phil that they're on their way.

Ok! We're already here, Thor insisted lmao, Phil sends back immediately, and Dan feels a little bad that he hasn't been keeping Phil updated all morning. Still, he supposes, he was working and then dealing with family bullshit, so he supposes that Phil will understand.

They park a little ways down the road and Dan feels odd in the sudden quiet of the car. The things they don't talk about seem to fill the space between them, creeping in as the nostalgia fades.

"Mum," he says, and she pauses in the midst of opening her door. "I... thank you, for this. It means a lot to me that you came today."

"Of course," his mum says like it really is that obvious.

"You might see more of me soon, if you'd like to," Dan tells her, putting Colin on his lead so he doesn't have to make eye contact. "I'm thinking about moving to London."

"Oh, Daniel, that's wonderful," she says, warm, and Dan's heart hurts so fucking much. Their relationship has always been a bit complicated, strained, but he's willing to make an effort if she is.

He gives her a small smile and gets out of the car with Colin, the sincerity in her voice suddenly too much to handle in such a small space. While they walk, he chats to Colin about how nice the park is and how there are a lot of new friends for him to play with. He likes to think that Colin's tail wags faster at the information.

The sound of the gate opening makes a bunch of dogs look over, the way it always does, and Thor starts bounding toward Dan as fast as his stubby legs can carry him.

"Thor, you can't just - oh, Dan!"

Phil stops chasing after Thor and just approaches them at a regular pace, grinning.

"Don't worry, he's not making an escape," Dan laughs, crouching down to greet Thor and holding tight to Colin's lead just in case.

Thor licks at Dan's free hand and then sniffs at Colin, who seems chill with it. He's such a calm dog, Dan loves him so much. Dan is so busy overseeing this introduction that he nearly misses the humans above him introducing themselves to each other.

"Hi, I'm Phil, and this is Thor! You must be Mrs. Howell."

Dan's mum pulls a face, and for a terrifying second Dan thinks she was all talk after all, that she really does care now that she's faced with a man, but she just says, "Not hardly. Call me Karen or call me nothing."

The problem, of course, is that Phil is predictable. Dan knows the joke is coming a split second before he brightly says, "Nice to meet you, Nothing."

Thankfully, his mum laughs.

"Cheeky. This young man here is Colin."

Phil crouches down too, his eyes meeting Dan's for a brief, nervous moment before he's holding out his hand for Colin to shake. Colin, the very good boy he is, sits down and shakes paw.

"And very nice to meet you," Phil says solemnly. Dan had no idea his heart could fit any more of Phil in it, but it swells three sizes like the fucking Grinch. Dan's sure it's written all over his face, but he doesn't need to hide that from anyone here. He's allowed to be obviously smitten over his boyfriend. "I've heard so much about you."

It's all far too genuine for Dan, suddenly, this whole thing, so he snorts and unhooks Colin from the lead.

"You're such a dork," he tells Phil as they both stand, the dogs chasing each other around now that they've both been released. Phil just shrugs and grins, hands in his pockets.

He looks nice in his buttoned shirt, short sleeves showing off his arms and a headache-inducing print enough to make Dan ridiculously fond, but he also looks a bit anxious. Dan knows the feeling.

"Wanna sit?" he asks his mum, gesturing to a picnic table. She rolls her eyes.

"I've been sitting all morning, Daniel," she says lightly. "I think I can handle craning my neck to look at you lot."

Quick getaway, Dan's depression gremlin shouts. She doesn't want to be here, she's just acting nice because she's afraid you're on a ledge, just like Adrian was, none of them actually accept you or want you to be around...

It always gets harder to shut up the less he's slept, so Dan has to ride the wave of self-hatred until Phil smiles down at his mum and starts making easy conversation.

Phil is so good at this part. He's not relaxed, Dan can tell by the set of his shoulders and the awkward way his hands are sticking out of his jean pockets, but some combination of radio training and natural charm make him seem like nothing is more thrilling than hearing about Dan's mum's drive to the city.

Dan isn't good at this part. He tunes out a bit and starts taking photos and videos of the dogs whenever they come close enough. They're fast friends, and Dan likes the idea of orchestrating puppy playdates when he lives here.

He zones back in when he hears his name, blinking over at them like he's fallen asleep standing up.

"What?" he bleats.

"We weren't talking to you," Phil informs him, his lips twitching.

"You're talking about me, then?"

They exchange an amused, exasperated sort of look. Dan suddenly isn't very sure at all that this was a good idea. Of course Dan's mum likes Phil, it's impossible not to like Phil. Now they're just going to gang up on him all the bloody time.

Even in Dan's own mind he can't pretend like that's a bad thing.

"I was just saying," Dan's mum says, "that I wanted to thank Phil for bringing you back to England. I know you've been talking about doing it for years, kid, but you do tend to put things off."

"Like I said, Karen," Phil says with a level of familiarity that Dan isn't sure how to feel about. It's just the way the Lesters act, but it isn't the way the Howells are. It's strange to watch his mum try and keep up with the vibe of a man who's talking like he's known her his whole life. "It's really nothing to do with me."

"Oh, bollocks," his mum says. Dan laughs.

There's still so much he and his mum don't know about each other, things they need to reconnect on, but that doesn't mean it isn't obvious to anyone with eyes that Dan's plan is only changing right now because of Phil coming into his life.

"Well, can you blame me?" he jokes, some of the knot in his chest easing. She really doesn't mind, does she? Not the way he thought she would.

"Not at all," she says, and Phil ducks his head with a stupidly shy sort of smile. Dan wants to kiss it off his face.

Colin trudges up to them then, panting and whining a bit, and they all coo nonsense at him. He's always so lazy and chilled out over Christmas, Dan bets he doesn't do the zoomies with super excitable dogs very often.

"Seems like Colin's done for the day," says Dan. He leashes Colin and hands the lead to his mum. "It was really nice to see you both. Like, really. I had fun."

"No need to sound so surprised about it," his mum says dryly. They aren't huggers, really, not unless some traumatic shit is going down, so it doesn't surprise Dan when she just blows him a kiss goodbye. "Hopefully I'll see you both soon, yeah? Don't be strangers."

"Wouldn't dream of it," says Phil. He shifts closer to Dan, their shoulders knocking lightly together.

"Love you, mum," Dan says, because he feels like he has to after everything, and because it's the truth. She smiles up at him, so warm that something in Dan settles into place.

"Love you too, honey. It was really nice to meet you, Phil."

"Likewise," says Phil. He bumps into Dan again as they watch her and Colin walk away, the solidity of his shoulder keeping Dan grounded. Dan has had a very long, very emotionally taxing day, and that small bit of contact makes the stress of it all seep out of him at once. "You okay, Dan?"

The sleepless night is catching up with Dan, now that the anxiety is dissipating, and all he wants to do is melt into Phil's chest and take a long nap.

"I'm very okay," he says, surprised by how much he means it. "Let's go home, yeah?"

[beetlebop]

Numbers 1 and 12 for the love tropes meme~? For the OG Juice man!

f/o love tropes asks

Aborted Declaration of Love: How long did it take for you to finally confess to your F/O? How did it go? Were there several attempts, or was it just The One?

it took fucking forever for me to confess to him cause I’m a big nervous baby. i work myself to do it numerous times and chicken out every single time cause I’m scared. I get a lot of pep talks from ghost mom and dad they mean well but I’m so fucking nervous about it that whatever they told me just goes right out the window. I honestly probably confessed on accident like he made me laugh and something and I just smile at him and go “god I love you” and he just whips his head around really fast at that and just stares at me. It takes a minute but I finally realize what I said and get really embarrassed and flustered and just go “I have to go” and go out of the room super fast and lock myself in the bathroom and just cover my face in my hands and scream cause I just said what I’d been hiding for months. he for sure follows cause he’s not about to not have an answer why. he’s thrown for a loop sure but he’s also super smug about it. he ignores the locked door and pops up inside finding my embarrassed ass and I’m like fuck this is the worst possible thing and immediately start word vomiting all over the place like it’s ok if he doesn’t feel the same way it just slipped out and he probably didn’t like a silly little breather like me anyways and he just zips my mouth closed literally and goes “babes why do you think i even bothered to stay around this shithole? sure stirring up shit for the Maitlands and deetz is fun and all but I stayed for you.” and oops there I go I’m crying and he doesn’t know what to do except unzip my mouth and look away awkwardly and I just hop up and immediately rush to hug him

Accidental Hand Hold: When did you first hold hands with your F/O?

Lydia probably put on a scary movie to watch and forces me to watch with her and keatlejuice just tags along cause he likes making fun of breather movies tbh and me being the scardy cat i am I probably unconsciously reach out and hold his hand. hes fucking confused as all hell cause he’s way scarier than anything in this damn movie and yet I’m holding his hand as if my life depended on it. he’s not complaining though. nope not one bit.

After-Action Patch-Up: How does your F/O react when they see you got hurt? How do they tend to your injury?

oof boy if he ever sees that I’m hurt he’s immediately pissed the fuck off and ready to find whoever did it and send them to a worse fate than death. spoiler alert: it was me most of the time. once he calms down he definitely goes and grabs shit outta the bathroom cabinet and cleans my wounds and put band-aids on them. I just hold out my wounded area and go “kiss it better?” and he grumbles but totally does it. it’s only cause I asked not that he wanted to do that

Almost Kiss: What was your first kiss with your F/O like?

It wasn’t anything special just mostly him sliding up to where I was grabbing my waist and dipping my down and planting a big old smooch on my lips and I’m so frazzled I don’t kiss him back and he sets me back on my feet with a grin and starts to walk away and I just reach forward and grab his arm and he turns back at me with a brow quirked, grin still on his face, and I lean up to kiss him on the mouth which he returns obviously

Beautiful Dreamer: Who’s usually the first to fall asleep while the other stares and admires?

I always fall asleep first once it gets late enough or I just get sleepy. I always end up falling asleep on him on top of him an he just lazily runs his fingers through my hair with the most loving smile watching me sleep. Lydia has pictures of these little encounters and he wants to burn them cause he ain’t soft no matter what she says.

Bodyguard Crush: How does your F/O make you feel safe?

Makes sure if we are in public to just generally touch me maybe a hand snaked around my waist pulling me next to him, ready to fight / murder anyone that even dares to look at me or make me uncomfortable. if I’m scared he lets me snuggle into him arm draped across me drawing patterns into my back. just like being around?? something about his whole presence makes me feel super safe.

Caught In The Rain: How does your F/O react if a sudden rainstorm interrupts your date with them?

gets really grumpy and angry for sure ready to 100% fight the weather and / or that stupid breather weather man for getting the weather wrong but that all stops once I start yawning and I lean forward rest my head on his shoulder. eh maybe that’ll get done later, much later

Grow Old With Me: How long have you and your F/O been together?

if we are talking real time? it’s about 8 years it’s been a really long time time for me and him honestly

Laugh Of Love: What are some things your F/O does to make you laugh?

cracking jokes! complete with references and costume changes! definitely pulls out the sexually charged jokes once he knows that I laugh at those too. just yells out curses sometimes and it just gets me so tickled I snort, “gosh babes you’re making me fall to pieces with how hot you look” cue him actually falling apart and me crying from laughing so hard, scares people cause it always, always makes me laugh and he loves that.

Love Epiphany: When and how did you realize you loved your F/O? When and how did they realize they loved you?

I probably figured it out once I realized I was constantly staring at him way too long and getting caught every single time and he just winks at me going “like what’cha see, baby?” and I get embarrassed and almost blurt out that I do and I’m like fuck shit oh no fuck I love him shit for him he’d probably have to be beat over the head by barb and Adam about it and he’d deny it rambling that “he doesn’t like breathers especially ones not cute little pretty ones who laugh at his jokes and has a fuckin cute laugh. it’s not like he’s thought about kissing her — he means breathers — all the time and he definitely hasn’t thought about wanting to fuck her senseless definitely not.” and oops did he confess yes. but fuck you.

Marry For Love: Are you and your F/O married? If so, how was the wedding like? If you aren’t, do you plan on getting married, and if so, how would you like it to be like?

listen I have stated before that I would 1000% get over my commitment issues for this fool but that being said it’s gunna take a lot for me to actually agree. he’s been trying boy has he been trying. I do call him my husband off hand sometimes and he just goes “wanna make it official then, babes?” and maybe one day I’m just like “yes” and he’s already prepared for my whole “yes but not right now” speech and he’s thrown off for a second but he so genuinely happy because he’s been trying to marry me for ages. the wedding wasn’t anything big he took over the house again for it though and insisted that I’d wear the dress he made me with his powers — he wasn’t about to let his girl go wear some dumb old breather dress. he totally wears the same suit he did during lydia’s wedding cause that’s all he has and my dress is obviously a black and white motif. Barbara and Lydia did my makeup and he actually bought stole a ring — it’s a tarnished sliver ring with a emerald in the middle

Post-Kiss Catatonia: How did you and your F/O react to your first kiss together?

I was a fucking mess and couldn’t think straight bc holy shit we’re kissing we’re kissing we’re kissi—

he on the other hand hand been wanting to do this since day one and is really happy he did it especially after I decided to kiss him back. he’s smug about the whole thing but also he has the most zonked out look on his face the fucking sappy bastard. he decides right then and there he likes kissing me so he’s going to do it any chance he gets.