#like shit dude your dad is genuinely the definition of a villain
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canyourscienceexplainthis · 6 months ago
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Re-watching kinnporsche and bruh Vegas and Kim are playing chess while everyone else is playing strip poker like these guys are strategizing and scheming and everyone else is just getting naked
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thelaurenshippen · 4 months ago
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okay, maybe the day after the show has ended is the worst time to try and get people to watch it BUT can we please get more people on tumblr to watch evil. let me share the ways in which it is everything tumblr always says it wants:
it's x-files meets supernatural - a psychologist, a priest, and a scientist walk into a bar get hired by the catholic church to investigate demonic possessions
kristen bouchard. woman of All Time. canonically bisexual psychologist mother of the best daughters ever, wants to fuck a priest so bad it makes her look stupid and also definitely murders at least one guy and probably seduces a nun. single handedly destroying the catholic church by making everyone horny
father david acosta, hot priest 2 electric boogaloo. mike colter being the softest catholic priest who also vividly hallucinates biblical visions and has sex dreams about a demonic version of his best friend
ben shakir. ben the magnificent. my perfect skeptic, my favorite special little guy who gets his head quantum fucked and starts seeing a djinn. but before that he's the driest, most reluctant demon hunter ever and the best accidental stepdad to four teenagers. ultimate girl dad. genuinely offers to kill someone for kristen but can't say I love you. if you have ben in your corner, I think you could kick god's ass
you want to watch something that isn't just another show about white dudes? the only lead who is a white dude is the villain and literally (?) a servant of satan
on that note, the ? after literally is because the show never actually confirms that any the supernatural shit is real. incredible needle to thread
the OT3 to end all OT3s. none of these people ever have sex with each other but they are SO in love and devoted to each other its insane. you think you know what a situationship looks like but you haven't seen three people have to pull over off the highway simply so they can all hug. they would kill and die for each other but mostly they sit on the floor and get drunk on tiny margaritas in a can
a nun played by andrea martin who is literally holding the braincell for the entire catholic church. she actually fights demons and is afraid of no creature in heaven or hell. I want her to be my grandma
I could go on forever and ever but you just gotta watch it. it's on paramount plus and netflix and you're gonna fall in love with it I promise
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pwnyta · 7 months ago
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Now after listening to Euphoria and the rest.....
R-R-ROUND 3!
Award for WHY DIDNT THEY HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP DURING THE ENTIRE SERIES goes to...
Bakugo and Shoto with All Might!!!
...Very genuinely this is baffling.
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Award for GIVEN THE WORST TASTE IN HUMAN HISTORY BY HORIKOSHI goes to...
Ochako!
Girl Im so sorry... You deserve better than this.
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Award for HARDEST FUCKING PAGE goes to...
All Might and Nighteye for 'YOU ARE NOT DEAD YET'
Damn he really is this bitch...
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Award to HOTTEST CAMEO goes to...
Ms. Toshinori!!!
Damn girl, when I die im divorcing my wife for you. I'll adopt your son too... I'll be the dad that stepped up no problem.
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Award for LITERALLY ME PANEL goes to...
Bakugo in CHOPPING OFF AFOS HANDS TO GET HIS FILTHY FINGERS OFF ALL MIGHT.
LMAO... same.
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Award for SICKEST FUCKIN 2 V 1 I CANT BELIEVE IT THIS IS THE ONLY FIGHT THAT MATTERS goes to...
Stain and All Might vs some bald bitch!
SERIOUSLY LOOKIT THEM GO!!!!!
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Award for DAMN THIS WOULD HAVE PROBABLY MADE ME CRY IF TOSHI AND BAKUGO ACTUALLY HAD A PROPER RELATIONSHIP THROUGHOUT THE SERIES goes to...
BAKUGO AND ALL MIGHT in gauntlet pass!
Damn I definitely woulda cried!!
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Award for MOST MISUNDERSTOOD TO RETROACTIVELY MOST UNDERSTANDABLE STEP AWAY BEFORE JCOLE goes to...
NIGHTEYE in he literally saw All Might get torn completely in half in his future vision god damn...
Nighteye im sorry these stupid ass bitches (EH/AM fans) would ever say anything about you...
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Award for THE MOST FUCKING POINTLESS AND SHITTIEST CHARACTER DESIGN REVEAL goes to...
HAGAKURE!
Damn... really.... She just looks like a fuckin normal ass girl? ...Lame as fuck dude. Youre just showing her for fanservice ATP
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Award for MOST NORMAL VILLAIN ALL MIGHT STAN BEHAVIOR goes to....
STAIN for... knowing exactly what All Might's blood smells like...
.... The way his eyes roll in the back of his head... JFC Stain....
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The award for HYDROGEN BOMB VS COUGHING BABY goes to...
Bakugo vs AFO in.... THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THE MEME. THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS. BAKUGO GOT KNOCKED UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH BABY SPIT UP...
Girl what...???
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On that note...
Award for UGLIEST BABY goes to....
BAKUGO! SOMEHOW!
Damn thats an ugly ass baby~
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Award for I REALLY WISH I COULDA SEEN THESE GUYS HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION goes to....
AFOs most horny fixations!
LMAO... but I mean seriously... I woulda really liked to see them just talk about stuff.
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Award for OH SHIT YOU DIDNT DIE??? goes to...
Stars boys! WTF??
All Might thank you so much for saving them!!
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Award for HEAD SHOT FOR THE YEAR YOU BETTER WALK AROUND LIKE DAFT PUNK goes to...
AFO vs ALL MIGHTS FIST!!!
REMEMBER!!! HEY TOP DOG WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOUR PLAYIN WITH
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Award for MOST TRAGICALLY MISSED PUNCH goes to....
All Might! For never having a chance to talk to Endeavor after it was revealed his replacement abused his family!
It woulda been real cool Hori! All Might punching Endeavor sorta like he punched Deku and except actually impactful cuz the lack of physical damage gives way to the emotional damage of All Might being so fucking disappointed in him after trusting that he'd be good to take the mantle of #1 hero... DAMN.
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Award for WHAT IN THE JUNJI ITO IS GOIN ON goes to...
All of the BNHA villains!!!
Uzumaki ass warts power....
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Award for YAOI FANGIRLS WOULDA ATE THIS SHIT UP IF TOSHI WAS CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE PANEL goes to
AFO holding Toshi up like this--v
Goddamn...
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Award for DAMN I HAVE A LOT OF CRITICISM FOR HORI BUT FUCK THE MAN CAN DRAW!!!!!! goes to...
HORIKOSHI!!
God damn bro you can draw.... Thats crazy. Your line work is so fucking clean my guy..
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Award for MOST DROPPED PLOT POINT FROM THE VILLAINS goes to...
Spinner (& others but most importantly Spinner) for becoming a villain for Stains ideals! Literally where did this go?
Hey Spinner look at me? ...bitch. Keep Stains name out of your fuckin pathetic mouth!
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Award for MOST FORCED AND RUSHED POWER OF FRIENDSHIP goes to...
Bakugo and Deku
OH WAIT ITS A TIE!!!
AND!!! LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!!
You aint gettin me to believe these are good friends Hori...
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Award for I AINT BELIEVING THIS SHIT EITHER goes to...
Koudas bird talking being a believable offensive attack....
Girl....
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Award for.... Yeah sure... I guess you exist... goes to...
SERO!!
...I mean... Why not? At this point... may as well.
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Award for CUTEST CRY FACE goes to...
TSUYU!!!
Reigning champ! I will kiss your forehead and put bandaids on your booboos baby girl dont you worry!
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Award for YEAH NO DUH... WHAT DO YOU MEAN TRAITOR TSUKAUCHI WAS TOO OBVIOUS WHEN THIS EXISTS REVEAL goes to...
AFO being that old man from Shigas backstory and fucked up his entire life!
...WOWEE!
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Award for WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN YOU SURE WOULDA BEEN USEFUL EARLIER goes to...
Honestly so many people but Thirteen deserves an award SO HERE YOU GO!
...aight....
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Award for PANEL THAT SHOWS HORIS EXTREME ARTISTIC GLOW UP goes to...
All Mights neck!
Girl what that neck do....
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This concludes ROUND 3 BNHA AWARDS!!!
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makeste · 3 years ago
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BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain
Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.
Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.
lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then
“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh
so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down
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his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch
(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)
side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”
ha ha ha, fucking ouch
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are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??
huh
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you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you
(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)
also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice
fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two
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All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you
is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist
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look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is
ffkdjslk
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“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what
-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol
okay fuck this
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see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight
just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up
oh my god
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“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob
omg why am I laughing. shit
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this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it
lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao
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just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me
adsfklwkfsdwgkj
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ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg
STAIN: heard you talking shit old man
ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain
STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way
ME: gljfljgk
(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)
sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”
good thing he still knows how to do this party trick
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A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything
lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone
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way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one
oh wait
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Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride
oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this
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(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)
Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony
dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue
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oh my god my heart
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shit
why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters
“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit
and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could
so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might
“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks
wtf
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are you dead All Might
um
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I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol
oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??
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hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??
oh my godddd
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and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much
FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING
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DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON
holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol
OH ARE WE STILL GOING
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my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think
...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time
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I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma
YAYYY
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it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit
anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech
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I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place
-- okay LISTEN
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YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this
holy fucking shit
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“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”
so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then
“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”
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it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip
anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol
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“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort
so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol
mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit
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mouseymassacre · 3 years ago
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Please share your invisibill family and childhood headcanons!
THANK YOU ANON. LITERALLY SCREAMING. YOU ARE NOW MY BEST FRIEND. /p /j
content warning for child neglect, ableism, and a dissociation mention. stay safe!!
-> he's a rich kid!! he definitely gives off rich kid vibes. he's also british but hides his accent super well unless he's too tired or too excited to
-> he has 6 siblings! he is right in the middle of them.
-> he's trans! his deadname is clarabelle, and he wasn't allowed to transition until he moved away to fair city to attend villain school.
-> HIS PARENTS SUCK. SO BAD. SO SO BAD. they are the most neglectful pieces of shit i have ever had the displeasure of creating in my dumb brain. because he wasn't an easy child to take care of like his siblings were, his parents developed a disgust for their son. and unfortunately, theres a curse in a lot of dysfunctional households where if the parents hate one of the kids, then the siblings grow to hate that kid as well. source: experience, unfortunately. so his siblings wouldn't play with him, acknowledge him unless they had to, etc
-> he essentially grew up raised by some of the servants of the house. he had no real friends because he was homeschooled because his parents felt like it would tarnish their reputation if invisibill went out in public.
-> so yeah. fuck invisibills parents. the reason he talks in 3rd person a lot is because he was trying to bond with his family over their hatred of him. "invisibill sure does suck! i wish we didn't have to deal with him." yeah it was a dissociation method
-> he got his powers bc he was so alone and wished he was invisible.
-> but hey!! he's better now!! as soon as he was able to, he moved as far away from his family as he could. he ended up in fair city, and started his transition there. a couple years later he went to villain school so he could do something with his life, and thats present day!!
-> now he is a HUGE people pleaser and stuff, but that's another headcanon for another day. yeah he needs attention because he was so incredibly deprived of it and now that he's not living with his parents, he can just ask/beg for it.
-> he's autistic, and it went entirely untreated as a child. no therapy, no diagnosis, no nothing. getting diagnosed as an adult was really really important to him. his parents were some of those bitches who couldnt handle having an autistic child. gross asses. i wish they just. didnt have kids.
-> he grew up not being allowed to stim a lot bc he was told not to. so to compensate he is just a silly little lad now.
-> his dad is one of those dudes who owns like. a really big corporation. his mom is a really famous actress. all of the other children in the house got offered jobs in the company and some even had extensive acting lessons, but invisibill? nothing lol.
-> whenever i actually name all of his family members and shit it is OVER for you bitches. the insanity of an invisibill kinnie.
-> bonus headcanons bc i feel like i need some happy ones to level this. angst fest out. blhg has a really, REALLY sweet family. they essentially take in invisibill as their own. yeah he's their son-in-law bc of blhg but they treat him like he's more than just part of the family via marriage. they genuinely love him so much and like seeing him happy.
-> blhg's mom is a hairdresser!
-> they two of them are super supportive of their son's job. they think it's cool as hell to be a villain. they even provide financial support to the boys when things are kinda hard. in return, blhg and invisibill give them some of their stuff they steal ^^
-> each of them has one big hand! meaning that if they ever met invisibill's parents they'd absolutely wreck their shit. get their ass mom and dad.
ok enough rambling for now but yeah . invisibill my sweet little guy. he is so friend.
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magioftheseas · 3 years ago
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2021 Magi Fic Summary
I don’t see why only artists do summaries! I’m gonna do one too! So I’m just going to list a short sample from any fic I posted each month! A year in fic!
2021 sure was A Year, and there’s some variety. The usual dgrp and jshk, but with more p5 this year and even a couple of extra fandoms. I’d say I was pretty accomplished, especially in terms of zineworks, fanweeks, and the longer fics. Here’s to next year!
January - By Chance (NDRV3)
“Hey—can you hear me? Are you alright?”
It should be meaningless. Just a video game character reciting the same lines of text. No variation, no matter how many times the game gets rebooted. Everything—including this person was just lines of code locked in a purgatory of repetition, all at the mercy of mere clicks of the button.
He clicks through, and eventually, Komaeda Nagito reaches out. Offers his hand. It’s not to him, not really. Even in this position, he’s all too aware that he’s just playing another mindless character. One that grips Komaeda Nagito’s hand uncomfortably tight and pulls himself up. One that just—like everyone else in this world—just wants to feel special and important.
February - BREAKTIME (Omori)
“T-Thank you, Omori! That was... That was...” Basil heaves, Basil breathes, Basil musters up a laugh. “T-That was really close, but...you saved me! I just knew you would!”
Well. They were friends, after all.
So, he shrugs. Shakes his head to let Basil know it was nothing.
But, Basil embraces him so tightly that it can’t be called nothing.
March - The Captivating Voice That Is Not Yours (JSHK)
“He’s not what I’d call an angel, but he is a good teacher,” Nene had explained, and whatever bit of irritation flickered through her expression was drowned out by her beaming with pride. “Because of him, I’m good enough to share the stage with you, Aoi!”
“Nothing makes me happier to hear besides your singing,” Aoi murmured in return. That was genuine, even as caution crept back into her tone. “So, that teacher of yours… How did you find him?”
“It’s more that he found me.” For some reason, Nene got flustered. Despite how adorable she looked, a chill settled on Aoi’s shoulders as the songstress went on, “He heard me practicing. He said...that I had a lot of potential.”
Aoi had known that from the start. Yet, she hadn’t been able to help Nene at all.
It’s such a terrible feeling.
April - At The Point You Realize (P5)
“Geeeez, what are ya, my wife?”
“More like your mother,” is Ren’s simple response. “Son.”
Seriously, Ryuji could’ve died from how that made him choke.
“D-Dude?! No! Don’t make that shit so weird?! I don’t mind ya looking after me, but...” Despite himself, he chuckles. “For real, I really, really appreciate it! I like it, even, but you can’t go replacing my mom.”
“It’s a joke,” Ren said flatly.
May - Don't End This Dreaming (P5)
They eventually did go to that lake house. His dad went along, forcing a similar kind of smile. They took him to the lake where they watched keenly as he stepped into the water.
“Do you think about jumping in?” his dad would ask in a low voice, and he could only shrug helplessly. His dad laughed lightly. “Not much of a daredevil, huh? Definitely your mother’s kid.”
It’s not that he sounded resentful, but maybe he had sounded disappointed.
June - It’s Every Girl’s Dream (Beware of the Villainess)
“Nine.” She doesn’t know what face she’s making, but she hopes it’s one entirely unbefitting of a heroine. “I would say that we’re friends.”
Nine’s taken aback, but he’s too kind of a person to argue with something like that.
He’s not a villain. He’s not remotely a bad person. He’s soft-hearted and easily brought to tears. He’ll only bare his fangs at true villains—and at Yuri. Even though she’s supposed to be the heroine.
Truth be told, I like that about him.
July - The Capital Magical Defense Force (NDRV3)
“I’m fine,” Momota slurred. “Totally fine. I’m a goddamn Luminary, Shuuichi...” He says he’s fine while leaning into Saihara. It’s a bright sunny day. People are no doubt stealing glances, and Momota no doubt has to hide his exhausted face in his sidekick’s shoulder. It’s a good thing Harukawa isn’t here.
Ouma scoffed. Saihara shot him another glare.
“If you’re just here to mess with Momota-kun, you can leave.”
Saihara’s hands tighten on Momota. Goodness, it really is like Ouma is the supervillain tormenting the tired hero.
How boring.
August - Dregs Of Regret (DGS/GAA)
“What happened? What changed? Why...?”
The questions swirled round and round, but no answers awaited him. Instead, Asougi said nothing. Ryuunosuke shook his head as if that would alleviate the buzzing in his skull, but when he finally caught a glimpse of Asougi’s expression--
A complete stranger stared back coldly.
September - Back To December (P5)
“I’ll make the most of our time together before then.”
“Our time.” Akechi lets out a laugh, low and ugly and so very lovely for it. It’s nothing like the saccharine giggle of the second detective prince, but it’s so wonderfully Akechi Goro, even if it’s more muted than before.
“Your time,” Akechi then corrected him with a snarl, fitting an impressive amount of disdain into just that word.
October - Please Wait For Me (JSHK)
The grave is so polished that Amane can see his wretched reflection. Nanamine says nothing as he drops to his knees before it. As he prays and prays. She is silent and his reflection only grows more and more twisted.
He clasps his hands together tighter. Nearly pierces into his own knuckles with his nails.
“Amane-kun, have you been getting enough sleep?” Nanamine asks.
He answers her with a cold stare.
“I worry about you,” she goes on. “For that child’s sake.”
November - These Days, With You (DR1/SDR2)
Slowly and tentatively—he wasn’t sure where she was but he refused to think of it as her not being there, he might not be able to properly touch her or feel her heartbeat against his own, but—he brought his arms around her presence best he can all the same. Miserably, he thought about how he couldn’t even hold her close when he so dearly wanted to. But this was enough. It had to be enough. Even though...
“I can’t forget you. And...I can’t give up on them, either.”
“Of course not.” Another sigh against his ear, and this time, it felt chillier than death itself. “That’s just how you are. I’ve always loved that about you...but I resented it, too.” Her icy fingers combed through his hair, with colder lips that press to his temple. “I can only wish you luck.”
December - Matter Of Pride (YGO)
“For the next exam, if you are not the top of the class, you truly will disappoint me,” Kaiba went on. “If I wanted an idiot for a rival, I would pursue that dog of yours.”
“Don’t call him a dog,” he snapped. “And isn’t that unfair? Cards and academics are two different things.”
“A challenge is a challenge,” Kaiba said. “I expect you to meet that challenge, Yugi.”
“I-I’ll do my best,” his partner whimpered. “F-For Jou’s sake.”
24 notes · View notes
m-y-fandoms · 4 years ago
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1 Thing I Love & 1 Thing I Hate About EVERY Danganronpa Character Part 1
Part 2
SPOILERS FOR ALL THREE MAIN GAMES
I’d love to hear our opinions as well in the comments or my inbox or DM’s! If you try this trend with DR characters, tag me!
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Sayaka Maizono
♡ Her passion for her career and friends.
✘ The way she tries to screw over Makoto when the game had just begun. Like wait and see what happens before screwing over such a great guy? Leon didn’t deserve it either.
Leon Kuwata
♡ His voice actor (English), and how real and human his execution was in that we all would be so scared and irrational. It was just so iconic and sad as it’s our first introduction to the death in this series and we all think: “shit, this is real... they are really killing these kids.” I didn’t think it would be that brutal, just seeing his body limp at the end with the haunting music.
✘ His design is disgusting. I hate how he looks.
Chihiro Fujisaki
♡ So innocent, so kind, so intelligent
✘ Shouldn’t have been killed for such a stupid reason, also they did Mondo dirty with that motive for killing as well. Just a mess. As for the actual character, Chihiro cries right off the bat when you do your introductions and that was kind of annoying to me personally.
Mondo Oowada
♡ He has a lot of respect, understanding and emotions for someone I thought would be a hard-ass douche biker.
✘ The worst motive to kill ever in a game where you know you’re getting executed if you’re found out. Like you’d be extra careful and that’s his reason to kill? Lazy writing.
Celestia Ludenberg
♡ Bad bitch energy and her goth lolita design.
✘ Manipulation and double murder. Bad bitch energy only goes so far. Confidence is different then selfishness. Also, of all the chapter 3 triple murders... the worst motive to kill.
Kiyotaka Ishimaru
♡ Emotions: secure in his masculinity, able to cry, show emotions, and apologize when he’s wrong. He’s funny and likable.
✘ The Ishimondo white hair thing was stupid. Taka was fine on his own.
Hifumi Yamada
♡ Writing takes talent, fan fiction as much as any other style or genre. Also the talent of his voice actor (who also voices Kiibo/K1-B0).
✘ Literally everything else about him.
Sakura Oogami
♡ I love everything about her. I love her wisdom, loyalty, design, voice etc. Just step on me, mother.
✘ Why the hell would she ever agree to be a spy even if it meant the end of her dojo? I just don’t think she would do that rationally because she isn’t selfish. The others would suffer for her spying. She remedies this with redemption in her letter in chapter 4 but still she should’ve said no off the bat. Everyone had something to lose. The dojo wasn’t worth spying for monokuma. Also I just don’t think she would commit suicide. She can’t help the remaining students survive and redeem herself truly if she’s dead.
Kyoko Kirigiri
♡ Bad bitch energy, calm and collected when I could never be.
✘ Especially in future arc of the anime, damn can you show some emotion please? Through your words and expressions not just your actions. Sure she was willing to “die” for Makoto but like I just want more emotion from her sometimes, even in THH.
Makoto Naegi
♡ So pure. I Love Bryce Papenbrook. Makoto reminds me of Sora and I love his design.
✘ In THH I didn’t mind his innocence but in the Danganronpa 3 future arc anime, when people started straight up abusing him and accusing him, he needed to grow a little backbone.
Byakuya Togami
♡ Love my dad, king shit, also love how over the progression of the games and animes he becomes a little more kind to his friends.
✘ Why the fuck did he mess with Chihiro’s body? Just so cruel and disrespectful.
Yasuhiro Hagakure
♡ Funny magic man. Sexy voice.
✘ Please. Please Hiro use your brain just once. Why do we have to prove Kyoko isn’t a ghost?!
Toko Fukawa
♡ Character development in UDG and I love Genocider.
✘ Putting down herself and others constantly gets old in THH.
Aoi Asahina
♡ Love her voice actress and her personality
✘ We really just gonna get everyone killed in chapter 4 huh? Surely you know they don’t all deserve that.
Junko Enoshima
♡ A very memorable villain with great hair and design.
✘ I just can’t stand her. I hate her so much.
Mukuro Ikusaba
♡ Her mercenary background is super cool as a concept.
✘ Too bad it wasn’t explored nearly enough.
Hajime Hinata
♡ Seeing the protagonist be a little less naive, innocent and positive than Makoto was a refreshing change, although I loved Makoto. I liked Hajime’s cynicism and expressions that sometimes just screamed “this shit again, huh?”
✘ I enjoy the way Izuru looks but I hate him as a character. He is sexy to look at but Hajime is just a better character overall
Teruteru Hanamura
♡ His love for his family and mother especially is so cute and heart breaking if you know the full story.
✘ He needs to know when to dial it back and quit with the perversions. And no it’s not just how he looks, Miu needs to chill at times, too.
Twogami
♡ I feel like he genuinely cares about his friends, just hides it well
✘ His death felt like a cop out and poorly written. It just didn’t sit right with me. Also his design is disgusting to me, his outfit and such.
Mahiru Koizumi
♡ Loyal to her close friends.
✘ I just have no interest in her as a character and I find her boring.
Peko Pekoyama
♡ Loyalty. Loyalty is something I value very highly in every form of relationship. Peko is also very hot.
✘ Come on girl... I know how you were raised but you should’ve known Fuyuhiko didn’t think of you as just a tool and you two should’ve expressed your true feelings long ago. Like even in secret. How do you live like this? Also I feel like killing Mahiru could’ve been avoided with a calm talk.
Ibuki Mioda
♡ Cute design, positive vibes.
✘ Cringe sometimes in the way she talks.
Hiyoko Saionji
♡ Beautiful character design and some very good insults and snarky remarks at times.
✘ Just irredeemably mean and annoying. Even when you do her free time events she is just so annoying.
Mikan Tsumiki
♡ I like her design as well as her hair, expressions, sprites and clothing.
✘ I hate her. I just hate her whether she’s in her true psycho form or timid stuttering form. She’s just annoying in my opinion.
Nekomaru Nidai
♡ So supportive, can hold my drink at a party. Respects everyone and wants the best for them.
✘ Bro Mechamaru was a stupid plot point. I just couldn’t stand looking at him and couldn’t take it seriously. Still sad when he died though.
Chiaki Nanami
♡ From chapter 5 of sdr2 on she is impossible not to love if you didn’t already. Just the selflessness, the sadness of the reveal and execution, how she returns to help Hajime at the end???? I love her. I love her hair design, color palette, her personality, everything.
✘ I’m bitter and miserable about her being the only class member to actually die (the despair arc anime) also her falling asleep at random times is kind of odd and she doesn’t seem to be like that later on in the game??? Like it seemed like a cheap joke but not actually who she is? Hard for me to explain.
Gundham Tanaka
♡ King shit, couldn’t praise him enough. He’s sexy, loves animals, and is funny as hell sometimes. His voice actor is a saint and a cool dude and I named my guinea pigs after the Dark Devas (yes I know they are hamsters in the games.)
✘ Come on dude. I get that being from Hell and magic and having evil powers is your shtick, but we all know that you and Nekomaru sacrificed yourselves so the others wouldn’t starve. We know you care about your classmates. There comes a time when it’s time to let personas and facades fade and be true to your heart. I just feel like him denying he cared at the end hurt. We all know he cared. I didn’t like how he was haughty until the end. He deserved better. I love him.
Nagito Komaeda
♡ I love him so much. So cunning and intelligent, always a step ahead. And he’s big sexy.
✘ Him killing himself in chapter 5 hurt me so bad I was like in denial for days. Also hate how Bryce Papenbrook gives him a raspy stoner psycho voice in the game then a light airy higher-pitched voice in the despair arc anime. It just bothers me. I love his voice still but the inconsistency just hurts my OCD
Sonia Nevermind
♡ I love that she’s so interested in her passions and love her feelings for Gundham
✘ Her outfit and bow are atrocious. Also why didn’t she start liking and talking to Gundham sooner on? Their romance bloomed late and it would’ve made for a better chapter 4 ending if they were a bit closer.
Kazuichi Souda
♡ Cool design and outfit, love his voice (also voices Kaito in V3) and his backstory is relatable at times. He’s also very human in that he’s scared a lot of the time or insecure or blames others in panicked situations. It’s not always a good thing but it’s human and realistic.
✘ Gosh he can be so annoying. Sometimes flirting or whining too much is well... too much.
Akane Owari
♡ Strong-willed and definitely someone I would be friends with
✘ What the hell is her outfit? Gymnasts and athletes don’t wear that shit. Stop objectifying her when it doesn’t even make the product or plot better. Like there’s absolutely no point to making her dress that way. I was a gymnast for 15 years. Even those who do parkour (which Akane seems to do more often than actual gymnastics in the anime and game) don’t wear what she wears. Also she’s underrated.
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu
♡ I love him. He’s the DR character I’m most like out of all the games and anime. Tenko is a close second. I think he’s adorable, love his character arc, development, redemption, and love his voice.
✘ In the anime/despair arc, Fuyuhiko is not done justice. He doesn’t get enough lines, has a different voice actor, just doesn’t give off the same vibes.
Izuru Kamakura
♡ Sexy man long hair good.
✘ Boring character. I wish he were just Hajime.
Kaede Akamatsu
♡ Loyalty and leadership are such attractive qualities in her. Also she faced her death with such class and dignity and I respect her because I could never.
✘ Some of the voice lines Erika does for her are just weird and cringe. Just random moans or grunts... I don’t know it’s like when Ann Takamaki from Persona 5 (also voiced by Erika) makes suggestive noises as well. Just grinds my gears. Also hate her outfit down to the hair pins.
Shuichi Saihara
♡ I love his nasally voice. I love his design and he’s so adorable. I love how emotional and compassionate he can be. He ties with Makoto for favorite protag of mine.
✘ That sprite where he sniffs his hand. And his ugly ass hat.
Rantarou Amami
♡ Sexy man, sexy voice, sexy piercings
✘ Ugly outfit, and wasted potential
Ryoma Hoshi
♡ I respect him and feel bad for his outlook on life and for how poorly he views himself. I love his little hat as well and he’s the first “different styled” character (Hifumi, Bandai, Teruteru) that I liked the design of.
✘ I hate when he says “got a long ways to go,” it’s overused and annoying, and wish he gave himself more credit. Also hate that when you first meet him he warns you that he’s killed people and is dangerous to be around. Come on buddy, you know you wouldn’t hurt your friends. Stop pushing them away.
Kirumi Tojo
♡ Competence, well rounded, skillful
✘ Boring as hell. I wouldn’t waste one free time event on her.
Angie Yonaga
♡ Dark skin, super cute, love her talent as an artist myself.
✘ Gives religious people a bad name and is super manipulative which I hate.
Tenko Chabashira
♡ I relate to her and feel bad when she’s misunderstood. She’s a good person deep down. Also love her sprites.
✘ There’s more cunning, funny and clever ways to write her digs at men.
Korekiyo Shunguuji
♡ I’m in love with this man. Long hair, voice, mystery, mask, intelligence, passion, talent.
✘ He definitely was a victim of abuse and a lot of people refuse to see that and just hate him. Team Danganronpa should’ve given him a redemption arc where he realized his sister abused him and changed.
Gonta Gokuhara
♡ I love his design except for his suit. Also he’s so cute and naive. I cried for his trail.
✘ No need talk like caveman. Better way to do this.
Kokichi Ouma
♡ Like Nagito, I value his intelligence and crazy cunning.
✘ Shouldn't have died. Also shouldn’t have manipulated Gonta. That was just cruel.
Miu Iruma
♡ She has her hilarious moments and her death surprised me and was sad.
✘ Sometimes she lacks basic empathy, i.e. calling Tenko “Tencrotch” when she just fucking died.
Maki Harukawa
♡ Amazing character development. Didn’t see her surviving until the end at the start. Also her love and passion for Kaito.
✘ “Do you wanna die?” gets old.
Kaito Momota
♡ Just the overall best bro you could ever have.
✘ Has some toxic masculinity issues and anger issues.
K1-B0
♡ Pretty much everything about him. His design, his attitude and personality, especially how amazing and cool he is chapter 5 onward, his execution made me so sad. He’s so innocent and funny without trying.
✘ When you do his free time events he’s very arrogant and just talks about himself a lot... it seems odd and not similar to the Kiibo we see throughout the game.
Himiko Yumeno
♡ Super cute design, love her voice and “Nyeh...” and her sprites. Her character development is great as well.
✘ Why did they take so long to make her important and likable?
Tsumugi Shirogane
♡ An excellent and well hidden reveal
✘ I hate her. So annoying, from the voice to the references and her personality.
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328 notes · View notes
canary3d-obsessed · 4 years ago
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 second part
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Absurdity) 
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
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Message from the Lan Clan
After dinner the Yunmeng bros go to talk to Jiang Fengmian in his study. They're quiet and respectful here, with no shoulder-shoving or arguing. This scene has such Brady Bunch energy, where Dad's Study is the Man Place where boys come to talk about Serious Things.
The boys tell Dad Jiang about the Yin Iron and he says yeah, I know. This is probably why he let them run off on their road trip without punishing them, but he could have, like, shared data with them so they might have actually achieved something related to the Yin Iron, rather than just wandering around the countryside bonding with Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang.
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He shows them a letter from the Lans that basically says the Lan Clan is in the shit, and he tells them they've got to go to the Wen indoctrination because otherwise they will also be in the shit. 
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He gives the boys a warning about the Yin Iron, which is that 
1. it can be refined and 
2. if you refine it carefully, it will not control you. 
Awesome tip, will definitely use, thanks pop.
(more behind the cut)
Jiang Cheng wants to argue about going to the Wen party, but Wei Wuxian vocally gets on board, not leaving any opportunity for whining. 
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Wei Wuxian is only sucking up a little bit in this scene. He obviously has a lot of affection for Jiang Fengmian, but WWX doesn't play up to his favoritism nearly as much as he could. Compare, for example, how he leans into Yanli's preferential treatment of him.  
Fight Outside the Cold Cave
Over on the Gusu side of the country province township, the disciples have gathered outside the cold cave that previously none of them knew about, and Su She is freaking out. 
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Most of the acting in The Untamed is naturalistic, but then there are occasional characters who are portrayed with a much more theatrical, broad style. Su She's villainy is not given a lot of layers; he's playing a type, more than a person.
Many of the villains in The Untamed are played this way, but not all. Wen Zhuliu, for example, is a genuinely horrifying bad guy while also conveying depth and ambivalence--despite having hardly any lines. And JGY is a masterpiece of a performance. For Su She, the directors or the actor have opted for "sniveling backstabber" as a type, which is unfortunate, because it robs his final scenes of emotional impact.
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Lan Qiren tells the disciples to get to safety. He rushes forward, gamely getting his ass kicked by human cuisinart Wen Xu.  He's not as effective a warrior as either of his nephews but he's a brave S.O.B.
Hanguang Jun to the Rescue
Before things can go completely pear-shaped, Lan Wangji sails in with his guqin.
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The Blue Steel technique of the Lan Clan
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Like many gifted learners, Lan Wangji's musical abilities are more advanced than his social skills. Here he musically makes the ground literally explode, almost as if it had been specially rigged with incendiary charges.  
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Lan Wangji is very pretty when he's worried, and his affection and concern for his uncle is touching. He's 100% not interested, as we will see, in Lan Qiren's whole "lets all die for the future of the Lan Clan while my nephews hide" agenda. He's on his own agenda of smiting the wicked and protecting the weak.
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Notice how Su She is standing right next to Lan Qiren here, even holding his arm? The next thing that Lan Qiren says is to tell all the disciples to keep up as they run into the cave. Somehow Su She totally does not keep up, and he gets caught outside along with a bunch of other disciples.
Giving Up
Wen Xu and his men kill most of the other caught disciples, and then threaten Su She, asking him how to get into the cave. In fear for his life, he tells them. Not cool, Su She, but possibly forgivable. Although when you voluntarily join a, you know, battle cult, physical courage is kind of an important qualifier.
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But this shit here...
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They didn't fucking ask about the books, douchebag.  
Su She was there in Lan Qiren's house when the two heads of his clan knelt to each other, each claiming the right to be the one to stay behind and die. And he heard Lan Qiren say that the ancient books are the foundation of the clan and that only if LXC and the books survive, will the clan continue. By giving up both men, and pointing out the book situation, Su She has totally earned his expulsion. 
Lan Wangji Takes a Stand
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Lan Wangji decides, for the first but not last time, to openly defy his uncle...and it's got nothing to do with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a hero, who follows the dictates of his conscience. His conscience is extremely filial and extremely orthodox, but he’s got a growing open-minded streak.  This is going to cause a whole lot of conflicts for him over the next few years.
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This time, however, he manages to skate out from under the whole disobedient, unfilial thing by citing Lan Yi's directive, which means Lan Qiren has to accept it because she's his predecessor and elder relative (She is probably not a literal ancestor, since she spent her life in a cave putting fucking headbands on fucking rabbits which probably didn’t leave time for having babies).
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This is a pretty extraordinary moment for Lan Wangji and for Lan Qiren, because Lan Wangji just asserted his own form of authority to do the exact opposite of what Lan Qiren wanted, and Lan Qiren just sucked it up and let him.
It's also very different from western stories involving a holy McGuffin such as the Yin Iron. Lan Wangji's solution of "fuck it, just let the bad guys have it, it's not worth so many people dying for" is refreshing and surprising to me, a westerner raised on The One Ring, the Grail, the Death Star Plans, etc.
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Lan Wangji steps out of the cave and uses a sword blast to save Su She, the ungrateful bastard, from getting stabbed by Wen Xu. Then he surrenders, and they break his leg to slow him down. This does not actually incapacitate him, because he is Lan Fucking Wangji, already a BAMF at like 17 years old. When they whack his leg, his chunk of Yin Iron falls out onto the ground.
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That thing was in a magic bag of holding before. So...it just falls out when you whack him? If they whack him again will his guqin fall on the ground? What about candy?
Archery Practice at Lotus Pier
Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier, the brothers are enjoying some quality time together before they head to the hostage-taking indoctrination.
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Wei Wuxian is such a great cultivator that he can hit a distant target even when he jerks his bow upwards as he releases the arrow.
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Jiang Cheng seems fairly pleased, and proud of his brother. He's competitive and fundamentally grumpy but not, at least here, a sore loser.
Club Ruohan
We go over to Da Club, where Wen Ruohan is yelling at Wen Qing for letting Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go. He names them both, so they're becoming more and more known to their enemies. Which is not a good thing.
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He menaces her with the zombie mosh crew, having them kill a dude in front of her and then saying her baby brother will be next in the circle of zombies if she tries any more stunts. Neither of them can imagine how much zombie ass her baby brother is going to kick, later in his (un)life.
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Side note: What is up with WRH’s hair? Why bother pulling your hair up over your ears if you're going to leave an enormous curtain of it over your face? It's because he knows there's a wind machine next to his throne, isn’t it?
Leaving Lotus Pier
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Jiang Cheng: when I ran off earlier in the year on my road trip you didn't pack a goddamn thing.
Wen Indoctrination
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Is it even possible to stand next to this much active volcanic shit and not, uh, die? I live in the tornado part of the US so I don't know much about lava (yet. 2020 still has 2 months to go). But it seems like it would be hard to breathe the air. Also they appear to build houses on lava piles, which seems imprudent.  I say that even as someone who plays The Elder Scrolls Online, which is full of lava towns and nonsense like “ash farming.”
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Nie Huaisang is adorable at all times, but particularly here, when he's so happy to see his friend who *didn't* fuck his gege and then abandon him without an explanation. 
Nie Huaisang: I'm so glad I can count on Wei-Xiong to be consistent and not vanish for months, or become a traumatized shell of his former self, or, like, horribly die.
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Jin Zixuan isn't quite as happy to see Wei Wuxian.
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Wen Chao enjoys the sound of his own voice way too much, and is malevolent and boring. On the plus side, he likes to stand with his hand stuck out in the air, which is fun for your resident photoshopper.
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Nie Huaisang is so miserable every time he's holding a sword, or blade, or whichever we're supposed to call this. He's got his fan tucked into his belt, which is sweet. He is happy to give up his sword but don't you dare try to take his fan.
Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is worried about Lan Wangji, and Jiang Cheng isn't.
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Lan Wangji shows up under guard, and takes his position at the front of the line, but without any extra disciples. The Wens let him change into snowy white robes after breaking his leg which will go well with arterial blood spray. He's focused and is determined not to interact with Wei Wuxian in this public context.
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When I was little, I would sit near my best friend at church on Sunday, but not be allowed to talk to her until church was over, and it was exactly like this. She was good at churching and I was hyper and hated church. We are still best friends and these things are still true.
This interaction is like a thumbnail for the whole dynamic of these three boys: Lan Wangji outwardly ignoring Wei Wuxian while having many interior feelings about him; Wei Wuxian demanding attention and creating a bit of a scene, due to his very genuine caring; Jiang Cheng telling him to leave that boy alone for fuck's sake.
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Lan Wangji: Stop trying to talk to me Wei Ying, I’m busy composing a song in my head about the two of us and our love for each other. 
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phantomphangphucker · 4 years ago
Text
Wild Masters - Chap. 5: From Rags To Riches
Vlad shows his face, queue a lot of snark and an exasperated Flynn.
Danny turns to the lab stairway, “I’ll get it”, glancing at everyone as he starts heading up, “I’ll holler if it’s Vladdie!”. His dad gives an excited double thumbs up.
Sticking his head around the kitchen entryway into the living room confirms that it is indeed Vlad, in his pompous ass suit and now staring at him looking extremely supremely unimpressed. Danny snickers at him before walking into the living room proper, sticking his hands in his pockets, “sup, vampy. Come to see your brat? He’s twenty-four by the way so don’t bother trying to groom him into your prime villain protege or anything. Also-”, snicker, “-he doesn’t how to read, so there’s that”.
Vlad glares, “you must be joking”. Making Danny snort, “I fucking wish actually, he doesn’t know what a cellphone is. What twenty-something doesn’t know fucking cellphones? He’s probably never seen a meme before. The horror”. Vlad rolls his eyes as he steps in, “yes, that is certainly the biggest issue with that problem. I’m sure”.
Danny gives a very cheeky, “yup”, before turning his head to shout towards the lab door, “HEY YO FLYNN! IT’S VLADDIE! GET UP AND GREET YOUR POMPOUS-PAPPIE”. Turning to look back to Vlad, who has decided to grace him with a flash of his red ‘scary eyes’. Oh how rare and bless-ed he must be today to get a glimpse of those ruby reds. Note: he was being sarcastic as fuck there, green eyes are way better anyway. So there.
Flynn steps only halfway out from the doorway, leaving half of himself hidden but making his staff absolutely fully visible and just stares at Vlad. It’s actually vaguely creepy.
Vlad stares back.
And Danny just looks rapidly back and forth between them. “Whelp, this is just a touch awkward”.
Flynn huffs and continues staring.
Danny pulls out his phone and waves it around, “these things come with a timer, you know. So I can totally just start that up and you two can make this dick measuring contest genuine”, pointing at both of them, “or we can talk like good little adults”. Flynn glances at him, “shorty”; making Vlad smirk at Danny’s expense. Danny frowns in fake offence, “hey”. But at least that gets Vlad to tug on his suit jacket to straighten it and step forward to actually greet Flynn, so hey, it’s something.
Sure Vlad’s form of ‘greeting’ is looking the half of Flynn that he can actually see over and giving a snide, “well at least you’ve got some build on you”. Which Danny rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over, “wow, way to be a dick, frootloop”. Vlad side-eyes him, “I’m still debating your demise”. Danny throws back a very apathetic and unaffected, “mmm okay”. Resulting in him having to dodge a very half-hearted swipe from the man and bounce out of Vlad's easy arm reach, “gotta be quicker on your toes, old man”, smirking, “what? that old age catchin’ up to ya?”, vaguely dancing over to Flynn and grabbing his Minotaur shawl thing, yanking him fully into the kitchen, “and get fully in here you, and face your maker”.
Flynn glares and huffs at him. Expected. Half the sounds the guy makes seem to involve either huffing or grunting. Wonderful sign of some serious lack of socialisation right there. Vlad’s rich asshole circles are going to love him so fucking much. Just like how they love Danny. Once again, note the generous helping of sarcasm he is mentally pilling on there.
Turning to look at Vlad and holding out the photo of alternate Vlad with alternate Maddie, “anyway, proof ‘cause I know you just love that stick that you’ve shoved so far up your ass you might as well be a popsicle”. Vlad leans forward, inspecting, and blinks vaguely disbelievingly. Danny rolls his eyes at the man not touching the photo, “let me guess, this has been in my pocket and is thus too dirty for you to sully your hands with?”. Vlad nods at him quickly with a smug smirk before straightening back up, “though the atrocity that I’m wearing in that deserves to be surrounded by the filth that fills your pockets”.
Flynn blinks, “yah, yer rivals. Tho figured ya’d be evenly matched”, looking to Danny -though Danny’s pretty sure this guy is trying to just play off the whole ‘meeting my dad for the first time in fourteen years and instead of being a dad the guy shit talks my half-brother’- Flynn points at Vlad while speaking at Danny, “ya could end ‘im. Don’ end my pa tho”.
Danny sputters and bends over wheezing while Vlad looks offended, “hear that vampy?!? He’s saying you’re weak!”.
Flynn instantly jumps to his defence, “‘s not that he’s weak. Ya’re jus... excessive”. Making Danny snicker, “can’t argue that”, because yeah Danny knows he’s over-fucking-powered. That’s kinda what happens when you’re the literal King of the entire Realm of the dead and all the ghosts therein. Regardless Danny keeps laughing and slaps his knee repeatedly. Which Vlad scoffs at, “get ahold of yourself, my boy”.
Danny can hear the raised eyebrow in Flynn’s voice, “‘my boy’?”. Danny looks up as Vlad huffs at Flynn, “yes I guess it would be rather rude of me to be calling Daniel that with you here”. Danny snorts, “like you care about rude, Mr. Plots Others Demise Directly In Front Of Their Faces”. Vlad waves a dismissive hand at Danny, “their intellect and worth is beneath me to care. Family has at least earned some level of attention from me. You should know that by now”.
“Still not your son”.
Flynn grunts, “an I am. Ya might be ‘ore stuck up than my ya”, then Flynn smirks and Danny has a feeling the guy is gonna say something that’ll piss Vlad off, “makes sense wit name like Plasmius”. Oh yeah, Vlad’s gonna be mad.
Vlad snaps his angry red eyes on Danny, sounding more than just slightly violently angry, “you told him”. Danny just bends over further and wheezes. Flynn pokes Vlad’s chest aggressively with the tip of his staff, “back back, no fightin’ in food room place”. Danny just wheezes more at that, “Ancients, it’s called a kitchen, man. Oh Zone”. Flynn grunts, glares, and removes his staff from Vlad’s chest to smack Danny over the head with it. “Ow”. Sure that didn’t actually hurt but it’s the point of the matter.
He can hear Flynn’s scowl, while the guy looks back to Vlad, “an ��sides, I’d know what ya are any way”, gesturing the staff tip around Vlad’s body while Vlad quirks an eyebrow at him, clearly more curious about Flynn than pissed at Danny. “Can sense it ‘round ya an smell it on ya’s clothes. Yain’t all human. ‘Ore human than tha red one wit her suit on tho”.
Danny straightens up and brushes off his pants, snickering, “yeah he knows about Valerie too, surprise knowledge. Did you not notice his glowing green ass eyes?”. Watching Vlad squint and hum at Flynn, who just sits and lets Vlad stare at and analyse his eyes, “hmmm so you can see my ecto-field then?”. Flynn shrugs, “‘ore er less”. Danny chuckles, “you could say that that ‘bout sums it up”. Flynn looks to him and squints, “not addin’ anythin’”. Making Danny facepalm, “it’s another saying, man”. And Vlad actually has to turn to the side and sigh into his hand, it looks like the man is having a very hard time not insulting Flynn repeatedly and in ever-increasingly deeming ways; huh, guess he was willing to actually try to not be a complete and utter dick to his own son. That earns him a few points in the ‘not the definition of evil’ category.
Vlad looks back after a steadying breath, “be that as it may, I’d rather you not divulge my ghostly status to anyone. Flynn was it?”. Flynn squints, “that’s my name, ya”, looking to the side and huffing, though not letting Vlad out of his sights, “an I won’”, looking fully back to Vlad and sighing before just slowly poking the man with a finger. Both Danny and Vlad elect to merely watch and see what this previously non-existent Zone nomad will do next; Danny’s just glad his folks stayed downstairs or this entire meeting would be a bajillion times awkwarder. Danny wouldn’t be able to make such blatant jabs at Vlad, Flynn wouldn’t be able to discuss anyone’s ghostliness, Vlad wouldn’t be able to even be in the ballpark of honest.
Flynn pokes Vlad again, muttering, “yer real”. Alright, okay, the whole ‘here’s your father’ thing might have just hit the guy properly now. Vlad tilts his head ever so slightly, “indeed”; and Danny suddenly feels like he’s intruding on a very personal and private moment or something.
This is too much for Danny. Danny shoots both his arms out to the side and smacks both of the men on the back to smush them together, “ugh! Just hug already goddamnit!”. Both Vlad and Flynn sputter and cough, screwing up their faces; but they immediately separate and effectively turn their backs on each other.
“Don’ do ‘hugs’”.
“Neither do I for that matter”.
Danny practically growls, “oh for fucks sake”, and just telekinetically maneuvers them into forcibly embracing each other: which predictably and obviously gets him a pink ecto-beam straight to the face hard enough to send him crashing out the kitchen window immediately after he cuts it out. Flynn also pelts him with a rock, but that’s not exactly something that would cause Danny any notable kind of damage; though he is kinda curious where the rock came from.
At least they fucking hugged. Mission accomplished.
He can hear Vlad huff, “anyway. Now that Daniel’s finished being his insufferable self, I imagine you rather need legal documents. Since I doubt you exist in the legal system”. Flynn just huffs so Vlad continues, “right then”. Danny can’t help snickering to himself as he lies in a pile of rubble and some bushes when Vlad speaks up again actually sounding ever so slightly befuddled, “it would seem you already do”.
Flynn sounds slightly more befuddled, “what”. So Danny takes that as his queue to crawl back in through the shattered window, “oh yeah, blame Tuck. Dude probably preempted what I would have eventually asked him to do and just did it before I asked him to”, grinning smugly at the two men, “yeah my friends are awesome like that”, looking to Vlad specifically, “sure is nice to have genuine friends, eh Vladdie?”; Vlad points at him with a scowl and shoots a small ecto-beam. Danny doesn’t bother blocking or even moving and just lets himself get knocked back into the rubble/bush.
Flynn blinks, “... Red girl was ‘ight, do ya know tha word ‘dodge’ at all, shorty”. Vlad makes a sound that is almost a laugh.
“Hey”. Flynn shakes his head and Vlad smirks as Danny scramble crawls back in through the window, “I will have you know-”, grunt, “-I took that hit for comical effect”, landing on the floor with a not so graceful ‘oof’ before righting himself to be cross-legged and looking up at the two men, “and if anything is gonna get me hurt then it better be my terrible sense of comedy”.
Vlad rolls his eyes, “at least you know it’s terrible and unpleasant”. Danny points at him, “my name’s a literal pun, of course it’s terrible. Not unpleasant though. Also-”, holding up a finger and grabbing out his phone to quickly scroll through it, “-and yup! Tuck hacked the gov! Man my main man really should scare the government more or at least enough for them to properly put him on a watch list or two, geez”.
Flynn blinks, “ya lost me”, while Danny pockets his phone. Vlad also blinks. Okay wow there are similarities here and it’s kinda freaking Danny just a tiny bit, it’s creepy alright. Vlad shakes his head at Danny, “you can let your tech boy know that for once he has impressed me”. Danny grins slightly manically, whips out his phone, goes to the voice memos app, and holds it up ready to record, “care to repeat that?”, grin never faltering. Vlad sighs into his hand, sounding truly and exaggeratedly pained, “Tucker, you have impressed me”. Danny cheers, “yes!”, quietly to himself while double fist-pumping.
Flynn shakes his head and mutters, “ghosts”. Probably deciding that this behaviour is very befitting of ghosts, which yeah is probably true. Least Flynn just seems amused by it rather than annoyed like Danny’s folks would be. Vlad seems to agree as he sighs and side-eyes Flynn, “at least you seem unbothered by our more... ghostly behaviours, most humans get put-off just enough to make them rather unsuitable for any kind of close relations”.
That gets Danny to inhumanly quickly jump to his feet, startling Flynn enough to get that staff pointed at him as he near shouts excitedly, “did you just admit you can’t make friends!”, pointing animatedly at Vlad, “I’ve spotted character development!”. Vlad just glares at him, which is fair, while Flynn relaxes his stance. Danny sticks his hands back in his pockets and relaxes against the countertop, “anyway, since you’ve apparently given Flynn here your fatherly approval -congrats on the kid by the way, what should I bring to the baby shower?- you gonna stick him as your heir instead me now. Pretty please?”, and gives an overly innocent smile.
Vlad sighs, “I’m going to murder you”, and shakes his head, “you’re the High King, of course not, I’ve certainly got to keep you in my relations somehow”, grinning smugly, “I can certainly have two heirs. I don’t see why not. Try as I might, you know how I am quite a greedy man”. Danny snorts because that’s bullshit, Vlad absolutely doesn’t try to not be greedy; but well... when possession is your Obsession... Danny chuckles, “and try as I might, I just can’t keep that hero complex down. Guess I’ve just gotta keep an eye on your dealings with Flynn here, huh old man?”. After all, when protection is your Obsession...
Flynn promptly smacks both of them with his staff, “Obsession posturin’”. Danny rubs his head and grumbles incoherently. Vlad acts like nothing happened, instead insulting Danny’s behaviour, “well don’t you sound kingly”. Danny flips him off. Vlad looks to Flynn, ignoring Danny entirely, “regardless, you’ll definitely be my heir too. Whether you want to be or not”.
Danny snorts, “I don’t think you need to threaten the guy to be your son, vampy, geez. Would it kill ya to be nice?”. Vlad grins, “yes”; which Danny rolls his eyes at. Flynn huffs and shakes his head, “heir’s some money thing, he’s my pa not money loan”. Danny blinks, surprised the guy knows what a money loan even is. Chuckling, “eh heir’s kinda the best you get from old Vladdie here”, and jabs a thumb at Vlad.
Vlad scowls, “that is because you keep snubbing me and refusing to renounce your fool of a father, Daniel”, side-eyeing Flynn, “Flynn doesn’t seem to have that particular issue”, and then gives Flynn a truly stiff and awkward head pat. Flynn looks like he’s judging him heavily for that, “I’m stayin’ ‘ere. I don’ trust ya”. Danny coughs and laughs while Vlad jerks and looks like he just got stabbed clear through the heart and Core. Ouch Vladdie, looks like someone got snubbed again. Tough luck, try not being evil next time. Or maybe it was the awkward head pat that did it?
All three flinch or jump at Jack’s sudden excited, “yes!”, while popping out from the lab doorway, practically shoving Vlad out of the kitchen, and very quickly side-hugging Flynn who very obviously stiffens and shrinks away from the contact. Oh shit, how long have his folks been there?!? Fuck. His mom also giggles from the doorway and walks in giving Flynn a sweet smile while pulling Jack off him, “as we said, there’s definitely room for you here”. Flynn just nods slightly while slowly relaxing as Maddie pushes Jack out of the room to go clean the spare room upstairs with her. Danny, meanwhile, is busy side-eyeing Vlad as the man borderline flat-out snarls at Jack’s receding form.
Flynn stares at Vlad himself, muttering lowly at Danny, “he hates ‘im. He really really hates ‘im”. Danny sighs and watches the deep violent hatred shining in Vlad’s eyes, “yeah, yeah he really does”, frowning and probably sounding sadder than he really means to, “I wish that wasn’t how things were. Everything would be a lot different”; because really? If Vlad didn’t despise his father, the two only natural halfas in existence would probably get along. Maybe be genuine family or healthy rivals even. Instead of the weird toxic degrading bantering archenemy thing they’ve got going on and have been actively -and mutually, if he’s being honest with himself- fuelling. Maybe, maybe, that mentor/apprentice situation, that Vlad dreamed of and Danny had needed, could have became reality; but that ship has long since past. In Danny’s more introspective and thoughtful moments, he mourned that fact. Part of him hoped Vlad acknowledged and mourned that fact too, instead of just feeling bitter and ripped off. Maybe. Hopefully.
Flynn frowns at him, “yer ghosts an yer humans. Act like it”. Danny blinks at him, “uh, I don’t think you exactly know how humans act. No offence”. Flynn huffs at him, “am one, know ‘nough”.
“Uh, I’m not gonna agree with you on that one”, glaring slightly and whispering, “also, sssshhhh about the ghost shit, man”. Flynn rolls his eyes and promptly catches Danny off-guard, “an I’m keepin’ tha Masters name”. Danny chokes slightly, well damn; Vlad’s gonna get an ego boost from that.
Vlad, having of course heard -damn you ghost ears- snaps his head around and grins triumphantly at Danny then approvingly at Flynn. “Flynn Masters”, grinning smugly at Danny again, “might just have a better ring than Daniel Masters”.
Danny snorts and rolls his eyes, “if you’re trying to make me jealous it ain’t gonna work”, snickering, “but FM, like FM radio”. Now Danny’s wearing the smug look while Vlad glares at him. Danny finger guns at Vlad as he starts walking towards the steps, “now how about I let the Masters caspers not have to be actors due to me being one of the present factors while y’all deal with your family matters”, saluting, “so seeya later gangsters”. Vlad’s left eye twitches, “I will murder you, boy”.
Flynn blinks and looks to Vlad, “he always like this?”. Vlad sighs and nods, “unfortunately”, shaking his head, “he certainly has a taste for puns and word games, I think it’s born from some form of a sadistic side”. Flynn huffs, “dramatic”, huffing again, “an I need a drink aftar all yer ghostin’, pa”, and uncaps his liquor bottle for a swig. Earning raised eyebrows from Vlad and the same lean over sniff that Danny did, “ahh, you’re a fan of alcohol”.
“Make mine own”.
Vlad nods approvingly, “I've dabbled in the art of wine making myself in my spare time”. Flynn offers his drink earning him a quirked eyebrow from Vlad, who of course tries some. Leaving him humming to himself and tapping his chin, “you’ve been at this for a while. You might be a son of mine yet”.
Flynn huffs, “‘ere I thought we ‘ready established that. Yer my pa. Pas that”. They were, in fact, already past that. Vlad just rolls his eyes but pulls a flask out of his pocket and offers it to the guy, “here. Since you’re a Masters, you drink whiskey like a Masters”. And Flynn talking a swig from that is what Danny walks back downstairs to, “so what y’all talking about?”.
Vlad turns to him, “just how you were going to apologise for your years of abuse to me all in the name of brotherly love”.
“That doesn’t sound like me at all”. Danny then blinks at them, with Flynn lowering the flask and shrugging at. Danny throws a slight glare at Vlad, “really? I leave for what? ten minutes? and you start boozing the guy up? Really?”, muttering more so to himself, “I mean sure, Flynn started drinking after ten minutes, or whatever, of meeting me. But still”. Vlad smirks some, “yes, being around you for any prolonged period of time could drive anyone to drink. Why, the first thing I did after meeting you was drink”.
“That’s because dad assaulted your prized football, you going senile on me?”.
Flynn glares at Danny and takes another swig of the whiskey flask, which Vlad looks oddly triumphant over; especially considering Danny just insulted him. Flynn shrugs again and side-eyes Vlad, “eh, mine’s bettar”. Vlad waves him off, “you just don’t have a taste for it yet”, tapping his chin, “though yes, yours is quite good”.
Danny blinks, “did the Vlad Masters just genuinely compliment someone without it being backhanded or a thinly veiled threat? Shocked! Betrayed! Dismayed! The horror!”, tilting his head, wait a fucking minute, “wait, did you drink Flynn’s stuff? You know that’s ectoplasm in there, right?”. Flynn grunts, “well he does now”. Vlad blinks and Danny is detecting just a hint of shock there; Vlad is also clearly eyeing Flynn’s liquor hip bottle with a fair bit more appreciation now. Flynn making a disgusted face kinda cuts off Vlad’s appreciation though and Danny feels like he’s getting a flashback to that time Tucker had to eat all those blood blossoms. “Are you gonna throw up?”.
Vlad scowls, crosses his arms, and sticks his nose up in the air, “of course not, a Masters can handle his liquor”. Danny rolls his eyes while telekinetically moving a trashcan over to Flynn, “I don’t think that’s the problem here”.
Both of them look down as Flynn just kinda sits on the floor, puts his staff to the side, and throws up; at least he aims into the bucket instead of onto the floor. “Congrats Vlad, I think you just poisoned him”. Danny furrows his eyebrows a bit though when Vlad actually holds his hands out, bends down, and pats the guy on the back. Okay... guess Vlad’s being decent... Danny doesn’t actually know what to do with that. Ah the fact that he doesn’t know what to do with Vlad acting like a decent human being is probably actually concerning, come to think of it. So Danny does the logical thing and slaps himself across the face.
Vlad gives Flynn a not awkward head pat this time, “there there, just get it out of your system”, he hums, “I am rather surprised though, two sips isn’t exactly much”.
Danny sighs and taps his chin, “well when you consider the fact that he’s lived off nothing but ectoplasmic fauna and flora, makes sense that his body would kinda have forgotten how to fucking digest human food you stupid nutcase. Geez, for a guy who plays chess you’re not very smart”. Vlad looks back to him and glares slightly, “I’m surprised you know that. Did you actually pay attention in health class for once?“. Danny rolls his eyes at that particular jab, “one of my friends only eats plants and one only eats meat, what do you think happens every time some bull crap happens where they have to break their diets?”.
Regardless Danny sighs some and bends down next to Vlad and Flynn, joining Vlad in the back-patting/rubbing. Snickering at the guy some though because people taking you too seriously or being all nice ‘n shit when you’re throwing your guts up was more embarrassing than helpful, “maybe don’t eat or drink shit without ecto in it, yeah?”.
Flynn grunts, expected, “ßhût üp, ßhørtŷ”. Making Danny and Vlad blink, Vlad grins like an idiot while Danny chuckles, “huh, guess you speak ghost. Though talk about a thick accent there, Ancients”. Vlad shoves Danny head, which Danny let’s knock him over on the ground, “it’s͢ ͘q͟u͘i͜te͞ ͞a̕ ̧useful ̡sk̛i̡l̡l͜,̡ ͜why I̕ thi͡nk he̕’s m͏o͠re f͏l̴u̸e̵nt͠ tha͏n҉ ͜yo̶u, Dan̕i̵eļ”. Danny stays laying on the ground, “I’m̕ ̸a̡ na͏t͠iv̵e spea̡k̷ȩr, so̧ ̛I̕ ͠don̕’̡t͞ ̡th̶ink̷ so”.
Flynn leans back, pushes away the bucket, and puts his arms on his knees, “ÿæ ßtåŷįñ’ thërë¿“. Danny nods with a grin from the floor and gives a thumbs up, earning a head shake from Flynn.
All three snap their heads to the kitchen entranceway as feet pound down the steps and Maddie and Jack come barging in, everyone then looking to the lab door as Jazz pushes it open while dusting off her pants and grumbling, “I so do not envy Danny having to clean that all the time”, pausing and looking up around everyone before zeroing in on three people sitting/laying on the floor, “Flynn! Danny! What happened!”, and runs over while glaring at and obviously blaming Vlad, who stands and readjusts his suit like he’s embarrassed to be caught caring. Well get caught by anyone other than Danny anyway; which makes sense ‘cause Vlad would probably be all caring about Danny if Danny wasn’t, you know, not evil.
Danny rolls over onto his back, looking at Jazz, “guess who can’t stomach human stuff?”, and jabs a thumb towards Flynn while Maddie rushes over and helps Flynn stand. Well okay, Flynn mostly waves off said help and stands up on his own, but still; Flynn also promptly grabs up his staff again. That staff’s probably some kind of comfort item for the guy.
Jack laughs as he comes to stand next to Vlad, “guess we’ll be cooking with a lot more ecto!”. Danny can practically feel malicious intent wafting of Vlad. Flynn grunting, “I’m ‘ine”. Which Maddie looks at him sweetly over and Jazz shakes her head at, “well let’s move into the living room anyway. Then you-”, glaring at Flynn, “-can sit down, and we can all hear what happened to you”. Vlad nods and hums, “yes I would like to know how I acquired a son from another timeline that’s been living nomadically in the Ghost Zone”.
Jack laughs as they all walk into the living room, “yup! Most we know is that some darn ghosty called Misery Vex took you at some point!”. Maddie and Jazz watching Flynn with slight worry as they walk. Danny just eyes Vlad to see if Vlad shows even the slightest amount of recognition regarding this ‘Misery Vex’, he doesn’t -fuck Danny’s luck- but Danny can’t exactly expect the man to know of every ghost ever. Regardless Danny skips over, puts his hands behind his back and sticks his face next to Vlad’s, “guessin’ you don’t know who that is either?”. Vlad scowls, “‘fraid not, but when I find them, and I will, I’m going to make them beg me to end them and then I’m going to find out how good ghost skin is at reupholstering my dining room chairs”.
Danny blinks, “I forgot there was a reason you and Skulker got along. Also, I doubt you have the skill set to be skinning anyone. Also also, I’m amazed you care that much”, and smirks.
“Must you mock me so, boy”.
Danny grins, “well.., how would you like me to mock you? I’ll hear your requests”, shrugging, “sure I might ignore them, but I’ll certainly hear them”. And finally flops to sit down on the love seat, Vlad sitting next to him with scowl. Jazz opts to sit with Maddie and Jack on the couch, while Flynn takes the chair; got to give the loner nomad his personal space after all.
Flynn huffs, “yeah, Vex’s is tha one that pulled me in ta tha Infinite Realm”. Jack doesn’t give him a chance to say more, tilting his head, “is that what ghosts call the Ghost Zone?!?”. Danny and Vlad both quietly sigh into their hands. Flynn squints at the large man, “ya nevar asked ‘em?”.; at least Maddie and Jack have the decency to look sheepish. Flynn squints more, “it’s what it’s called. Propar name”. Danny chuckles and waves Flynn off, “eh, then Zone can be slang”, ‘Zone’ was in fact common slang. Flynn rolls his eyes.
Vlad sighs quietly again, “linguistics aside, was there a reason Vex took you? And I’m just to assume you’re in this timeline purely due to your old one ceasing to exist”. Which Danny mutters, “duh”, at. Everyone ignores him as Flynn shrugs, “don’ know, like I’ve said ‘ready, ain’t stickin’ ‘round half spider creature-”. Danny’s wondering if the guy’s getting tired of explaining that. “-bark armour wasn’ friendly lookin’ eithar”.
Danny eyes Flynn’s bark armour, “guess yours doesn’t make you look all that approachable either”. With Maddie jumping in, “did you get that idea from It?”. Making Flynn blink at her before looking to Danny, “I did say Vex’s a lady, ‘ight?”. Danny nods but Jazz is the one to audibly sigh, drawing Flynn’s attention as she talks, “yes but-”, side-eyeing her parents, “-ghosts don’t get pronouns”.
Maddie rolls her eyes not unkindly, “now honey, we’ve talked about this, ghosts aren’t sentient or complex enough to understand gender and we don’t call plants ‘he’ or ‘she’-”. Danny coughs into his hand, “Sam does, you know”; which goes ignored. Maddie continuing, “-so why would we do so for ghosts? It would be like assigning gender to lightning”. Danny sighs internally, and he bets both Jazz and Vlad do as-well.
Flynn just stares at her for a while before blinking, “moron-”. Danny has the distinct feeling his folks are going to be hearing Flynn calling them ‘morons’ an awful lot. “-they have preferances. Blobs are no gendar, not tha Cored”. Vlad sighs dramatically, “what does gender have to do with my son's abduction”. Danny chuckles to himself faintly, guess Vladdie really grabbed onto the whole ‘I have a son’ thing with absolute confidence. Made sense. Ancients if Danny accepted him then the man probably wouldn’t stop using the word ‘son’ at every possible opportunity for a solid month.
Jack laughs almost awkwardly and scratches his head, “nothing! I guess”. Vlad scowls at him.
Flynn clears his throat, “well she-”. Nice passive-aggressiveness going on there. “-couldn’ ‘xactly follow me aftar I slippin’ inta some rock crag”, grunting, “ghost can’ go through rocks ‘n what not there”. Jack looks like he’s physically restraining himself from peppering Flynn with questions about that. Danny thinks this should be obvious though, since ghosts not being able to phase through ectoplasmic constructs/formations is literally how ghost shields worked. Like, duh.
Vlad just nods with a hum, “so you’ve been on your own since?”; which Flynn nods at. Maddie huffs, “I’m amazed the ghost didn’t chase you down”; Flynn shrugs, clearly not about to claim to understand why himself. Which yeah, abducting a kid through a portal seemed like a lot of effort to put in to just turn around and let the human run away; probably thought that this random human child wouldn’t be able to effectively avoid capture or survive on his own. Well surprise mother fucker! Flynn’s a Fenton -well a Masters too but whatever- being able to handle ghost shit is in his genes.
Danny decides to ask something that’s actually mildly important for him to know, “so bark armour and the lower half of a spider, anything else?”. His mom quirks an eyebrow at him so Danny elaborates/makes up an excuse, “wouldn’t it be good to know what a ghost that may come after him looks like?”. Earning an approving hum from her. Danny’s more interested in Vlad muttering to himself, “an Arachne then”; sweet, he’s got a species now.
Flynn grunts, “purpal skin, lotsa black eyes, bare bark crown-”. Danny almost chokes at that and he’s sure Vlad at least went slightly wide-eyed, because crown implied royalty. Which just great, that meant Danny was going to have to deal with whoever all kingly and shit. “-an clothes were shinebettle, I think-”. So basically shiny latex leather? Alright, that’s a look. “-an wendigo mane pelt ovar spidar half-”. Well that all but confirms Danny’s suspicions that Vex is from or at least frequents the FairLands. The only wendigo’s that didn’t just turn to ectoplasmic ash when destroyed were the faebeast ones. Hooray for having to probably go see Oberon. “-She had a fauchard ta”. Danny nods to himself.
Jack taps his chin, “that still doesn’t explain why though”, earning shrugs all around. Jack grinning, “we should hunt Vex down and find out!”. Which Vlad actually grins at, “yes, you go do that”. Danny kicking the man subtly and whispering, “Vlad no. Bad”, he knows the only reasons Vlad’s encouraging that is ‘cause his folks might torture the ghost and because the ghost might harm/kill Jack.
Maddie shakes her head and chastises Jack, “you’ll be doing no such thing, we don’t know the Zone is actually safe”, glancing at Flynn, “regardless of Flynn’s survival. Flukes happen”. Danny thinks it would make way more sense to guess it's safer than they thought than to just assume Flynn got lucky. But hey! At least he doesn’t have to worry as much that his folks are just going to run wild in the Zone anytime soon.
Vlad rolls his eyes though speaks somewhat sweetly, “dear Maddie, always being the voice of reason”. Maddie grimaces, and Flynn glances between them with a slight frown. Vlad digs in his pocket when his ringer goes off though. Speaking up after reading the screen, “seems some of the underlings are too moronic to deal with some problem alone”, looking up to everyone, “so I must be taking my leave now”, and stands up.
Jack jumping up, “well we can finish up Flynn’s room and he can join us after you’ve said your goodbyes! Wouldn’t want to interrupt that!”, and laughs. Maddie smiling sweetly and following him once again upstairs. Jazz sighs and moves to follow them, “I’ll make sure they didn’t get carried away”; while Danny just stretches and lounges out across the loveseat. Watching Vlad talk down at the still seated Flynn.
“I guess I’ll have to leave dealing with this Misery Vex in your and young Daniel’s hands. I don’t particularly have time to deal with petty ghost squabbles”, side-eyeing Danny, “he’s quite experienced with those though, so I doubt he’ll fail to be an effective meat-shield if needed”.
Flynn rolls his eyes, “I don’ care ta ‘deal with’ her at all. ‘Ine as is”. While Danny snorts at Vlad, “Ancients, you’re such a fucking pissant”.
Earning squinting from Vlad, “I’m the mayor and one of the richest people in the world”, huffing, “and I’m nothing to scoff at power-wise”.
“You are staying that... to the literal king... of death”. Danny smirks, “I’m fucking lucifer, bitch”. Vlad and Flynn blink and stare at him. Danny rubs his neck, “eh, too much?”. They both nod slightly. And there the similarities go being creepy again. Vlad shakes his head slowly, looking back to Flynn, “ignoring that, you can contact me for anything. Particularly if you decide being here isn’t worth the effort or annoyance”, and pats Flynn’s head, “you’ll want for nothing regardless”, making shooing motions at him, “now run along and help your mother and sister stop that imbecile from installing an anti-ghost auto-detection machine gun on your ceiling or some other nonsense”. Danny vaguely hates that his dad might actually do that. Though he’s surprised that Flynn actually does as he’s told with only a mild amount of suspicious squinting. Maybe he’s tired of Vlad’s existence? Doubtful but Danny can hope. Probably more likely the guy just wanted to get closer to being able to have some alone time, and room set up was an effective way to do that.
Danny waits till Flynn disappears upstairs to speak up, “hey Vlad?”. Vlad doesn’t even look back at him, instead just staring up the stairs, “hmmm?”.
“Don’t fuck this up. You know, like you always do”. Danny glares seriously at Vlad as he goes to stand up and Vlad actually looks to him with a quirked eyebrow, “but if you ever hurt him you won’t need to wonder where your god is anymore, because he’s coming for you and he’ll be fresh outta mercy”, squinting, “all these fucks will have flown off, never to return again. And you will be left crippled, withered, dried up and crapped on. At the bottom of a shitty little well where people will throw out their rotten fruit down on you and the remnants of your shitty little life”, glaring more, “we clear”. Vlad nods a bit stiffly; after all, when the king orders something or warns you, you fucking listen. Danny decides to really hammer it home though, “the fucking heat death of the universe will not be able to even approach the level of damage that the amount of fucks I will no longer give will cause you. What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind tearing out a length of your intestines, rolling it in a pan, sprinkling on some nice cinnamon and maybe some raisins. You know, for texture and a little added surprise. Then sliding it right into the oven for a nice little cinnamon bun”, chuckling meanly, “there’s even some icing pre-made in the fridge. So I’m all ready to go, bitch. Then I could use your hollowed-out torso to ride you like a meat toboggan. I’m sure your fucking intestines could be utilised as perfectly fine ropes to control my descent down the bloody snow-covered hill all the way into the depths of madness that you were birthed from years ago”.
“Daniel... you’ve made your point”, Vlad actually sounds slightly disturbed. Danny rolls his eyes and puts his hand in his pockets, “yeah well, so long as you don’t go making god sacrificing his only son look like a good parenting technique”.
“I... won’t”.
Danny pats Vlad on the arm, “good talk then”, and finger guns before heading upstairs, “and I’m still not your fam, frootloop”. Vlad just scowls at him and leaves, closing the door slightly louder than necessary. Return to normalcy achieved.
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astrologista · 4 years ago
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Kristoph Gavin Character Analysis I
Part 1 of... fucking infinity, I hate this bitch so much lmao.
Well, it's Halloween time and I just thought, why not. So let's answer this question.
What makes Kristoph Gavin a scary character/villain? A soft spoken gentleman with a deadly secret... the Devil, who lives in his hand, that crazy evil scar thing, his creepy music theme... damn, he’s a scary dude. But scariest of all? His psychology, as we all know. (This is mostly gonna be headcanons. but ya know what, I have a license (hands you a piece of paper that says ‘i can do what i want’))
Kristoph seems like a person who is very aloof, particularly when it comes to personal relationships. At first he kind of just seems like the typical anime glasses guy whose main emotion is like whooa he does the glare thing with his glasses sometimes. But... what is he really about?
You know, let me digress for a moment, what's really interesting to me about the AA characters is how much depth they have in their writing. Case in point, Adrian Andrews. There's a character who you assume is just going to be the typical "anime glasses girl" who is a career woman who don't need no man, and is very aloof, cool, and as she says, not concerned with irrelevant topics or things. Later you learn about the true depths to her personality. The fact that she is codependent, that she needs other people telling her what to do in order to survive. Just because she masks these emotions doesn't mean they don't exist. I felt that really gave a lot of depth to her character and added another dimension that stories in this genre don't often address as boldly or fully (especially when it comes to a female character). So the quality of the writing is always really top notch with only a few exceptions. Take this as context...
Now getting back to Kristoph Gavin. Typical anime glasses dude, right? But no, though. One of the reasons why he's so interesting to me is how his emotional understanding of personal relationships really works. Or seems to, anyway. Based on the endgame testimony and his crimes, Kristoph Gavin is extremely dangerous because, should you get involved with him in any way, he will never, ever let go of you, ever. Once you are entangled with him he wants you to stay entangled, not unlike an overbearing parent who refuses to let you go. It's partly that he thinks he knows what's best for you (that is, to stay completely loyal to him). And also partly... because he is pretty dependent on what other people think of him. So he needs to keep them around him closely.
Kristoph's biggest fear was his lying being exposed for what it was. That Phoenix was really the honest, straightforward attorney, and not him. Kristoph would do anything to perpetuate his own false reality. He kept it going for seven years. His absolute worst fear of all was losing his reputation. Being seen for what he truly was in front of others. He could never accept that. That fear drove all of his murders. Fundamentally, he sees himself as benevolent... when nothing could be further from the truth of how he was hurting everyone who had the misfortune of crossing his path.
Kristoph has a need to perpetuate this false identity of himself above all else. A very adjacent second goal to that is to keep all of his personal associates very close and under his control in order to keep the first goal intact.
Reject him and he will stalk you until you are dead. By his hand, or otherwise. Slight him, and he will get you at the first opportunity, case in point, Zak Gramarye. (He only had to get a quick glance at the guy and his fate was sealed. Turnabout Trump is a chilling case.) Replace him, and he will tear your life and livelihood up into little itty bitty pieces. He will then continue to stalk you aggressively for seven years while pretending he is your best friend. Case in point, Phoenix Wright.
Create false evidence for him and you become a loose end. So does your daughter. Like I said, just don't get involved with him. If he feels threatened, Kristoph Gavin will not hesitate to end you. It's definitely an obsession. I mean the first word that comes to people's minds when it comes to Kristoph usually isn't "obsessed", because he gives off the aura of being calm and uninterested. But he is, he's obsessed. You have to be obsessed to do what he did. This shit consumed his every waking hour, and that's what he won't admit. That he was so sick, he completely lost the plot. Phoenix was already living in his head rent free the day he ordered the forgery. And even though Phoenix wasn't physically present at the Misham trial and was only watching everything by video camera, you can bet Kristoph was seeing Phoenix. Hallucinating him, images of him. Probably multiple images of him. That's how obsessive. Imagine letting something or someone control you to that extent. Imagine thinking that you're so important, that Phoenix taking Zak Gramarye's case at all was meant to be a slight against you personally. (It's funny because Phoenix mentions not even knowing Kristoph at all until after the disbarment. So Kristoph's own logic in thinking that Phoenix was just out to shame him absolutely doesn't track. Ob-sessed, dude.)  
It's actually pretty astonishing that someone like Apollo made it out alive. On a side note, I really think Kristoph enjoyed having someone to mentor. He sought someone like Apollo out. Someone naive and new to the field for him to indoctrinate. And maybe I have a post about that later, cuz that's a whole 'nother barrel of monkeys right there. (It kind of involves Apollo’s naivete (also, daddy issues, hello.) being a huge reason why he would gravitate towards having a mentor known for having a “caring” personality. And I think Apollo genuinely liked that about him, which makes the end result so much more awful for Apollo to deal with because to him, that was real.)
But now think of Klavier, right. Being forced to grow up with that. To live with that your entire life. To have a familial relationship that is that smothering, that suffocating, that strangling. That controlling, to criticize every single thing that you do or say right down to the way you say it. And remember... He's never letting you go. I would go on a world tour as a rock star, too. Anything to be anywhere he isn't. This is horror movie tier stuff. (now im imagining a horror movie trailer for aa4 focusing on gavins stuff... eep!)
And Kristoph Gavin markets himself as someone who simply doesn't care. He's the coolest defense in the west and he doesn't care for what you may think about it. Except... he does care. It totally consumes him. Your perception, your opinion, is everything to him. He has shitty self esteem, deep down, because he knows Phoenix is better than him. And tries to mask it with narcissism as the two duke it out. Appearances are everything, evidence is everything. What people think is true is the only thing that matters, truth doesn't. And it makes sense that his closest contacts and associates are the targets for his constant narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. Their opinions matter even more than the common crowd - of course, Kristoph hates them. Which makes it even worse for him when the jury decides unanimously that Vera is innocent (and by implication, he is therefore guilty). The jury verdict was kind of like the ultimate confirmation that guess what, the evidence doesn't matter. The common and boorish masses have passed judgement, no matter how "mindless, emotional and irrational" they are, even they can see behind his crappy little facade. Even a blind woman like Lamiroir can see that insecurity; even a common person can understand it just by looking at the facts. That's what absolutely wrecks him... that his “poker face” couldn’t hold a candle to Phoenix’s. And he loses the “hand” again (because of his “hand”... get it??).
The identity that he needs to maintain is part of how he sees himself in his mind. As Phoenix's protector, not as his stalker. As Klavier's benevolent big brother, not as his abuser. As Apollo's teacher and mentor, not as someone guiding him into ruin. He lives in a false reality.
Try to bring this up in any way, shape, or form and he will write it off. You're just imagining things...
Because at some level, Mr. Black Psyche Locks himself doesn't even realize. (I feel like that might just be basically canonical fact, based on Pearl’s explanation of how black psyche locks are supposed to work.) That’s pretty freaking terrifying.
At the end of the day this is a big part of the reason I think his character is just so interesting. In a very messed up way, Kristoph is one degree away from being such a good person. He could've been obsessively protective of Klavier - the way a big brother is supposed to be - instead of abusive, could've actually been very caring of Phoenix instead of manipulative. Terrible people can have good traits, just as good people can have awful traits. His attention to detail and understanding of psychology (like getting Vera those gifts she would like so much) could've been used for genuine good. He could've been someone who cares deeply about other people because he does care deeply about other people. But only in terms of their relation to himself, what do they think of him, how are they useful to him.
Maybe this is why I kind of like his character. Intelligent, semi-neurotic protective characters are just my ish. But, no, he has to have a narcissistic bent that skews everything into complete abuse. That’s what makes him awful... that he’s devoid of a moral compass or true compassion for other human beings.
So in closing, fuck off, Kristoph Gavin.
Postscript, he's also such a good foil for Phoenix for this reason. Kristoph does everything for himself. Phoenix does everything for Trucy, because he's a dad and he understands the weight of what it means to really care for someone. Kristoph couldn’t understand motives like that. And Phoenix can't help it if he's an order of magnitude smarter and more mature than Kristoph is. He was just born like that. Classy as fuck. You know what, Kristoph Gavin is like the dollar store version of Phoenix Wright as an attorney. Has many of the same functions but actually doesn't have a leg to stand on and will fail you when you need it. And is revealed to just be a cheap knockoff of the real thing.
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365days365movies · 4 years ago
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May 9, 2021: A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (Recap: Part One)
Welcome to the future.
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At this point, we’ve mostly looked at the past, present, or the near-future (as in, the next ten years, if that). Additionally, we’ve looked either at nonexistent technology in a contemporary setting, or an extension of existing technology taken to a logical next step. But no more. No more realism, no more real-world rules, and nothing that we’re even close to in this reality.
Well...mostly.
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That’s genuinely impressive, not gonna lie. Anyway, yeah, from here forwards (for a bit), we’ll be looking at the future and futuristic technology. Now, there are a couple of ways in which these films tend to go. The first big way that we tend to represent the future in film is the same way we always have: flying cars, futuristic technology, smart houses, and robots.
Now, there are countless examples of this future, and it always changes a bit depending on the present. Which, yeah, makes sense. After all, what I’m doing right now, at this moment, would’ve been seen by many people as a massive technological achievement, even around the time that I was born. Which, yes, I’m old, deal with it (because I can’t). Anyway, the way that this begins is with the first major filmed view of a seemingly idyllic future: Fritz Lang’s 1927 film Metropolis.
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The overly mechanized (and politically dystopic) society seen in this film, as well as the visuals and technology, would inform our ideas of the future throughout the next century. Multiple themes and common objects reoccur throughout futuristic fiction. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Flying cars, automatic food machines, robotic assistants, video watches, holograms, jetpacks, so on and so forth.
But here’s the thing about the future. It’s always ahead of us, and eventually...well, we’ve gotten to most of those things to some degree. Either they already exist...
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...or is currently being developed.
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Well, one of them we’re still working on. And the development of more advanced AI is something we have yet to perfect, or even fully develop. However, the development of A.I. (and the consequences of that technology) are ALL OVER science fiction. Sometimes, they’re merely used for flavor to help establish the futuristic setting.
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Sometimes, they’re characters with their own agency and conflicts, which may or may not define the plot. In these cases, they’re often simply there to back up the main human characters, and help with their development, and sometimes their own. You know, manic pixie dream robots.
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And then, possibly most often, they’re the abject villains of the piece. they can be mysterious alien technology, like in The Day the Earth Stood Still, or a man-made danger that turns on the race that created and/or abused it.
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But then, on occasion, an A.I. is given the chance to develop as a character, without being used to define the development of a human character. Sometimes, the question of what life truly means is raised through these characters, and we become attached to them outside of any other character. This isn’t nearly as common as the others, but it’s definitely not unheard of.
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And for the record...things don’t often go well for those AIs. But still, some of those characters have quite a lasting impact. So, there’s quite a lot of potential for this type of character, from a dramatic standpoint. And that potential leads us to the guy who made this.
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I WILL MAKE A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
Steven Spielberg gives us today’s entry, and this director of a classic science fiction story about science gone awry teamed up with the director of a science fiction film where an artificial intelligence went awry. You know, this thing.
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I didn’t forget about HAL. And I won’t forget about him later, either.
Director Stanley Kubrick is pretty well-know for his mind-bending films, especially The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey. But he also worked with Spielberg on this film before his death in 1999, as this was one of his dream projects for many years, and the two directors were well-known friends.
And so, eventually, Spielberg was given the reins from Kubrick, and results were...mixed. It’s funny, because I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I remember it through its surprisingly widespread ad campaign. I used to go to NYC as a kid a lot, and there was a massive building-side plastered with the iconic logo of this movie. So, I’ve been hovering around this movie for a long time. Enough navel-gazing!
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Recap (Part One)
It is, unsurprisingly, the future. A marrator informs us that climate change has caused the ice caps to melt, and global flooding drowns several countries. You could say that it’s a...Waterworld.
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I genuinely considered watching that movie at some point, and then I decided I liked myself to much to watch 2 hours of Kevin Costner’s emotionless acting. Granted, it’s not much better now, listening to the emotionless acting of...
Professor Allen Hobby (William Hurt) is a straight-up sociopath. OK, technically, he’s a robotics engineer, but dude’s making a speech, right? He talks about how far robots have come, dissing my boi Deep Blue in the process, and notes that pain-memory response can also be demonstrated by robots. He proves this by stabbing a woman in his audience, like RIGHT through the hand. Jesus, man! Why the hell would you do that?
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Oh. Holy shit, I got fooled. Advanced technology indeed. But OK, so Sheila’s a robot, and a very advanced one...to us. But Hobby wants more, and proposes to his workers to make a robot that can really TRULY love. And through love may come a true subconscious, which means making a robot that can dream. And what better robot to make than a robot child? After all, all child conception requires a license in this futuristic world, so many childless couples are yearning for a child.
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Which is why, twenty months later, the first robot child is offered to Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor), a couple...with a child. Um. Guys. You JUST SAID that there are legit childless couples who need a child, and those people would be best suited to love that robot child back (a VERY GOOD question raised by one of Hobby’s subordinates). So why give it to a couple whose son is still alive? Yeah, he’s got a rare disease that they don’t have a cure for yet, and is currently in cryostasis, BUT THEY HAVE A KID! Surely, that’s going to be a potential emotional conflict! And what if the kid wakes up or some shit? This is a TERRIBLE goddamn idea. Think this shit through, guys.
And yet...
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This is David (Haley Joel Osment), Cybertronics’ first child robot, brought home by Henry to essentially replace their son. Which is AMAZINGLY FUCKING TONE-DEAF AND INSANE, GODDAMN. That’s extraordinarily messed up. And, for the record, I totally get what Spielberg’s going for, but Jesus Christ, man. This was a terrible way to go about this. And it gets fucking WORSE.
See, Henry (who actually works for Cybertronics) tells Monica that, once they sign the papers and complete the updates, David will imprint on them and see him as their true parents, loving them unconditionally. Which...yeah, fuck, that’s an entire DUMP TRUCK of ethics issues right there. And, while we’re at it, David is...creepy as shit. I mean it, dude, Haley Joel Osment is a VERY good child actor, but he’s laying on the creepy robot child thing THICK. And yeah, this is BEFORE he imprints on them. Jesus fuck, man, there’s a scene where the still uncomfortable Monica is outside of a glass door, and he looks back at her THROUGH THE DOOR like a goddamn SERIAL KILLER.
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And I gotta tell ya, dude does not lay off that creepy-ass dial one iota. And for that matter, the music by John Williams ISN’T FUCKING HELPING. LISTEN to this shit, and imagine a robot child that you don’t know wandering around your house. It’s amazingly fucking creepy.
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AND IT JUST. KEEPS. GETTING. WORSE. There’s a scene where they’re all at dinner, right, and David’s just staring at them as they eat, mimicking their actions. After all, he’s a robot, he can’t actually eat or drink anything because of his internal working. And then, out of FUCKING NOWHERE, he starts laughing like the FUCKING JOKER, and it scares the EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME. And somehow, they laugh alongside him, in the never-ending Stockholm syndrome that is this movie! And as soon as its over, he just STOPS laughing, spontaneously. Fuck me, man, I’m tempted to stop watching here and now, and I’m only TWENTY MINUTES IN! I need a fucking break.
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And after that...OF COURSE she decides to activate his imprinting protocols to make him, let me remind you, LOVE HIM FOREVER! She reads out a series of words, and after “FREIGHT CAR”, he knows his mission is to kill the Prime Minister of Sokovia. But first, he’ll settle down and love Monica unconditionally (again, FOREVER), calling her Mommy and making me shit my pants in fear. IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS FUCKING DAVID
Oh, and by the way, isn’t it kinda shitty to do that without Henry being involved AT ALL? Like, cool, he has unconditional maternal love, but Henry wasn’t a part of that conditioning at all! And he still refers to him as “Henry” instead of Dad! However, Henry definitely doesn’t care about that, because he still sees David as only a robot. Hey, guys, maybe using these two as your first experiment with a robot child WAS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA, YOU IDIOTS! No wonder William Hurt was cast as Thunderbolt Ross in the MCU. Already shown he can play a character with shitty ideas before.
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Anyway, after this terrible series of events, David prevents the parents from leaving one night due to his childlike antics. When Monica goes to comfort him, he asks how long she’ll live, and tells her that he hope she never dies, a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO SAY. Look, I get that he’s a robot, but only a goddamn emotionless sociopath would program emotional responses like this into a robot. Which, given what we’ve seen of Hobby, makes sense.
In response, she gives him Teddy (Jack Angel), a technologically advanced teddy bear with sentience, a personality, and the voice of Astrotrain from The Transformers TV series. Because, yes, I am THAT MUCH of a goddamn nerd.
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Soon after, the house gets a phone call, which David receives...literally. He takes the phone and allows it to speak through him. It turns out that, shock beyond shocks, THEIR SON IS CURED! Yeah, fuck. Maybe giving David to a family with a STILL LIVING SON is a fucking ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IDEA, for about a thousand reasons.
And, fucking understandably, Martin Swinton (Jake Thomas) is a little upset to find out that he’s essentially been replaced by a robot kid. Although, to be fair, he’s also kind of a dick to David, holding his humanity over him and treating him as a toy that he attempts to manipulate and bully. My Lord, this is a massively stupid idea. And Martin immediately shows his dickishness by asking his mother to read Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio to them. Which is meant to be a punishment for Pinocchio. However, of course, David loves it.
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Still, however, there’s trouble in paradise for David, as he tries to compete with Martin for being a real boy, and eats spinach at dinner one evening. Despite Teddy’s mildly ominous warning to him (”YOU WILL BREAK”), he keeps eating until he basically has a stroke and breaks, forcing him to be repaired by some of Cybertronics’ technicians. Monica has a bit of a break down as a result, which Martin notices. This causes Martin to go pure supervillain, manipulating David to do creepy things in order to insert doubt into Monica about David. Jesus, Martin’s a creepy kid, too. No wonder Monica grew to be cool with David, her actual son is a FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC MONSTER! Are there ANY truly normal people in this world? IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE IS?
Martin convinces David to cut a lock of Monica’s hair while she’s sleeping. And lemme tell ya, a little boy holding scissors over someone while they sleep is not exactly comforting. Henry agrees, and after stopping him, believes that they need to return him. Monica disagrees, knowing that they’ll destroy him if brought back. But David, ever the semi-sociopath himself, ignores any signs of humanity in David and dismisses Monica's feelings for him entirely. He also says this thing about “IF HE CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO LOVE, CAN NOT HE BE PROGRAMM-ED TO HATE?”, which...no. No, he cannot. He didn’t learn to love, he was programmed to. And, again, that’s ethically FUCKED, but taking that into account...no. HE WASN’T PROGRAMMED TO HATE, HENRY. Goddamn, buddy, use your head here.
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It’s Martin’s birthday, and his friends at the pool party expose David to the fun world of anti-robot (or Mecha) racism, and test to see if he has Damage Avoidance Systems by threatening him with a knife. And he does. Buuut, when those systems kick in, he goes to the nearest point of safety to keep himself safe. That point is, unfortunately, Martin, whom he gets behind...and accidentally drags into the pool.
Thing is, because of Martin’s recent illness, he can’t exactly swim, meaning that David almost drowns him. When Henry and other partygoers go to save him, they abandon David in the pool completely. And now, David’s fucked. Because although this situation isn’t even a little bit his fault, he also just nearly killed Martin. And so, after seeing notes that he’s been writing to her, Monica offers to take for a “ride in the country”. Which definitely means something good. In reality, she’s planning on taking him back to Cybertronics. But once in the car, there’s a change in plans. And hear me out...it’s arguably far more horrifying.
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She decides to abandon him in the woods completely, despite how hard it is for her to leave him. She’s sparing him from death, sure, but also throwing him into a world he doesn’t understand, and for reasons that he doesn’t understand. It’s genuinely terrible. And then...yeah, she leaves him forever, to an uncertain future.
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End Act One.
I think this is a good place to stop. It’s early, and I need more coffee to handle this shit. See you in Part Two. Of Three. Yup. It’s a long one.
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thunderheadfred · 4 years ago
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Okay so I hyperfixated my way through the entire BNHA anime and manga in a few weeks. I will attempt to do my usual bulletpointy Thing, without spoilers, but still be wary cuz it’s probably spoilery through Chp 301 anyway
I kinda miss Midoriya? as he’s getting increasingly sidelined in his own story, but HOLY SHIT there are so many good characters that it’s hard to stay mad
Like
Hawks? Hawks. He’s fictional and I’m married. but we’re dating now.
When Tokoyami got his new power up I literally cheered
Class 1A/B!! You’re doing amazing sweeties
MIRKO!,!,.,,,..?? GIRL
I love how early on in the manga, Horikoshi was like, “I’m not gonna do last page profiles for the villains, cuz they’re supposed to be terrifying, not relatable.”
HOW’S THAT WORKING OUT MR. “I WROTE A WHOLE-ASS RELATABLE VILLAINS ARC” HORIKOSHI
I have never been more stressed out than when I was reading chapters 250 onwards
Like, Christ my dude?!? I don’t want the good guys to get hurt. I don’t want the bad guys to get hurt. I don’t want ANYBODY TO GET HURT can we all just please take a nap I’m going to cry
I never cry. Shigaraki made me cry. Like, genuinely. With snot and everything.
Because Shigaraki’s hands were exactly what I thought they were, and I’ve never been more upset to have a Narrative Prescience quirk, no No NOO NO
God, can I just. Hug. I need to hug?? Lemme hug him. I NEED TO HUG HIM LET ME INNNNNN
Dabi was also exactly who I’ve been saying he was since the summer camp arc, but that reveal was a lot more AhHAAA GOTCHA! And a lot less “oh GOD”
Or at least slightly less oh GODdd
Dabi is basically that superpowered survival-fueled mega-rage you get when you do something stupid like grab a hot pan and burn your whole hand, but like, as a Person
My husband was a few chapters behind me and he said, “Aww! I hope Twice has a happy ending. Even Hawks likes him!” And I. Looked At The Wall. And Screamed Internally
I wanted to hate Endeavor but Endeavor is making it very hard for me to hate Endeavor.
Every character is my favorite but a few are my Most Favorite, including
Bakugo Character Growth Katsuki, who is secretly made of 100% triple-milled diamond-grade husband material BUT DONT TELL ANYONE because he seems closer than ever to coming to grips with his lifelong repressed crush on a shitty little nerd UGhhhHHH
Skinny All Might Is Really Hot Actually, Especially In Teacher Mode With A Generator-Powered Cotton Candy Machine: An Essay By Me, A Person Who Is Definitely Not Married To Exactly That Sort Of Man, No Sir
Hawks, my aforementioned boyfriend and the ASMR RP community’s collective comfort character (which is how I even got into the show, thanks YT recommendations????)
Togata Mirio, whose real quirk is Dad Jokes
Aizawa Sensei. Holy ShiT???
Shigaraki Tomura, the inevitable end game for people who think a man’s hands are his sexiest feature
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zuzuslastbraincell · 4 years ago
Note
Give me a character and I will answer: Azula
here we go
why I like them
absolute queen and absolute loser at the same time. the intimidating, confident #girlking persona she projects is extremely compelling to watch, the lines she makes e.g. "you were never really a player" are just so cutting, she's clearly having fun trouncing everyone and seeing the gaang struggle against that is a good challenge, she's just good *fun* as a screen presence and just immensely entertaining to watch. she's also just extremely fucking funny. like as much as I felt the writers over-leant into '14 year old girl is the most terrifying creature on the planet' as humour, to the extent that Ursa and Iroh end up saying some very fucked-up lines (which the series compensates for by taking seriously and exploring the consequences for Azula's psyche in S3), I do think the joke *is* genuinely pretty funny. Seeing Azula make grown men, soliders, leading officials, just panic and lose it is *funny* on some level cause she's just a 14 year old kid. Like she's a very good second season villain that ups the stakes.
but like, she's more than who she pretends to be, they give her a lot of depth in s3, you really very much see that at the core of it she's a dsyfunctional 14 year old who has been abused by her father, trapped in a toxic competition with her brother for the crown, and taught that weakness of any kind is utterly unacceptable. The show doesn't ask you to forgive her for who terribly she's treated others but it does present her as worthy of sympathy, as someone complex, made who she was by the conditions of her upbringing.
she's absolutely terrible but she's tremendous fun and you really do feel for her.
why i don't
she was just utterly awful to zuko, ty lee, and mai. she does just manipulate people. she is just unapologetically pro-fire nation and never questions that or has the chance to question it. But arguably these are things, weirdly, that I also like about her because she's just such a compelling example of a deeply flawed character - flaws make characters interesting. (really do wish she'd give zuko a break though.)
favourite episode
I thought about this for a moment but it's the beach. of course it's the beach. the volleyball scene. the petty jealousy. her inability to flirt. 'that's a sharp outfit chan'. the whole campfire scene from 'here we go again' to 'my mother thought i was a monster'. Finally burning chan's house down? Like ugh. Really showed Azula both at her most fun, her funniest, and her most vulnerable at the same time. Really made it clear how she's really lacking social skills from how she's been brought up as a little soldier - like it's made interacting with peers as equals just impossible for her and she really *struggles* outside of the hypercpmpetitive environment that her father brought her up to dominate.
favourite season
don't ask me this. I love s2 hyper-competant azula and s3 disaster azula equally.
favourite line
'Isn't it obvious? I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!' always fucking cracks me up but it's like HOW dramatic can you be, and the ruthlessness here I think indicates some kind of desperation really. southern raiders azula is a really interesting azula imo (as we have discussed a lot recently)
favourite outfit
oh definitely the earth kingdom outfit in crossroads of destiny. she looks great in green!
OTP
azula/therapy azula/meaningful amends and redemption azula/working through her shit in order to become a better-adjusted adult
but azula/katara is good in an AU where it’s less messy and there’s less intergenerational trauma. 
brotp
azula & any kind of genuine parental affection PLEASE can iroh or ursa step up thanks or just ANYONE please adopt this child
but also i am very fond as sokka & azula as pai sho rivals in their early 20s who snipe at each other but eventually over time become almost-friends, and i like toph & azula having chaotic life-changing adventures together
a headcanon
azula is equally as knowledgeable about the theatre as zuko, she just hides her interest. I think artistically she's also quite skilled - though it's downplayed. I can see her being a great singer (in the same way zuko is apparently a good musician) or potentially very good with inks, as it requires a great degree of precision. post-redemption i imagine though she lets her work become more messy, more abstract, less precise. she sings off tune. she joins an amateur players group and lets herself be a hammy actor. she learns to dance and isnt perfect at it first try. I can see the arts as being really fundamental to her recovery quite honestly.
unpopular opinion
honestly don’t think i have any, unless 'an abused 14 year old child soldier is NOT irredeemable' still counts as unpopular. I think opinion has softened towards azula over time though and i think more people nowadays recognise she needs help & can better herself with the right support network.
I suppose what could be counted as unpopular is that, while azula may love zuko 'deep down', the olive branch she offers him in s2/s3 to return home is also a self-interested move that puts the harsh light of scrutiny on him and ensures he'll be blamed if the avatar is rediscovered (see their convo in s3e1), and zuko is well within his rights to reject and want better than azula's 'love' when it is clearly also a self-interested and manipulative ploy. Love isn’t and shouldn't be manipulative and it's tragic that Azula can't open herself enough to build something based on trust and instead has to manipulate the people she cares for in position.
OH wait - actual unpopular opinion 'do the tides command the ship?' never landed as a line for me, the whole time i was just thinking about how ignorant she appeared to be of like, how boats work... how the sea works..., and her confidence just came off as arrogant stupidity. azula you cant argue with the dudes they’ll just wreck your boat dude.
a wish
wrote a post about this which I'll link but azula joining the ember island players is really my favourite recovery arc for her:
read here
oh I would also just azula, as part of her recovery-redemption process, to just go full anarchist on us, i’d really love to see a dramatic political shift in a moment of “fine! i’ll be everything my dad doesn’t want to be!” spiralling that ends up with her genuinely adopting that position.
an oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen
become the fire lord. azula needs a life outside of politics. she clearly cares for her country on some level and wants to do it right but there are other ways to fulfil that need. imo she needs to give up the crown, because, as with zuko (who travelled as a refugee in the earth kingdom and grew because of it), the elevated sense of superiority she has due to being royal prevents her from extending her sense of compassion, prevents her from seeing the cost that imperialism and monarchy has caused, she needs a new perspective, and that will require stepping away from the crown. like becoming the fire lord would create more distance rather than reduce it and she very much sees becoming the fire lord as a continuity of old practices - in contrast to zuko who breaks from them.
five words to describe her
precise, deadly, hard-working, theatrical, and dearly in need of a hug from her mother
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iron--spider · 6 years ago
Text
four photographs
In honor of Father’s Day. Tony Stark displaying very Dad-like tendencies when it comes to one Peter Parker. No Endgame spoilers
----
1.
“How many are you gonna eat?” Tony asks, standing in front of Peter. “How many? I’d like to know an exact number. I’d like to know your plans.”
Peter stares at him, and he feels like he’s been caught, despite the fact that Tony’s been across the lab since all of this started. This, being—creating the giant pile of plastic beside him.
He’s in the middle of Number Unknown ice pop, and this one is green. He’s had at least six other green ones. He thinks.
Peter continues staring at Tony. He doesn’t know what to say. His hands are numb and frozen, he’s got a brain freeze. His whole head is an ice pop. He’s still eating an ice pop. Ice pops. Ice pops everywhere.
Tony narrows his eyes. He’s in the patented Dad pose, hands on hips, head cocked, eyes narrowed, brows furrowed. His mouth is slightly agape, because he’s stuck between shock and deciding what he needs to say next. Peter can tell.
“When I bought those I thought you might be having one,” Tony says, eyes darting back and forth between Peter, his ice pop, and the pile of remains beside him. Some of the plastic strips still have juice clinging to them, the juice he couldn’t suck out no matter how hard he tried. A rainbow of juice drops left behind.
“Peter,” Tony says. He steps closer, leans down. “Earth to Peter Parker. Are you in an ice pop coma? Is someone forcing you to consume as many ice pops as possible? Blink twice for yes.”
Peter doesn’t blink. He just takes another, blistery cold bite. Green apple, down to the roots of his teeth.
Tony straightens back up. Shakes his head. “My God,” he says. “He’s not there anymore. He’s gone full ice pop.” He walks over, grabs one of the discarded plastics, twisting it between his fingers. “What the hell do they even call these things, really? They were just in some…red net bag when I bought them. Shit, was that a sign? Were they even supposed to be there? Maybe some villain planted the idea in your head, told you to tell me to get them. Now you’re broken.”
“Ice bag stick,” Peter says, taking another icy bite. “Ice stick bag.”
“No way you call them either of those things,” Tony says, letting the plastic flutter back down to join the rest.
“I used to eat these in elementary school,” Peter says.
“And May realized you ate seventy two of them in one sitting and stopped buying them for you. You had a burst of nostalgia recently and decided to get me in on it?” Tony asks.
“Maybe,” Peter says. “Kinda.”
Tony’s smiling a little bit now. “You asked me to upgrade the web shooters as a distraction. You totally could have done it on your own.”
“Oh, definitely.”
Tony hums to himself.
“How many would have been too many?” Peter asks, pushing the ice up to the top of the plastic. “You know, had I—not gone the distraction route?”
“Four?” Tony asks.
“Oh,” Peter says. “Good thing I went the distraction route.”
Tony stares at him like he’s trying to figure him out. And then he pulls his phone out of his pocket, aims it at Peter, and takes a picture.
“Oh, smile,” Tony says. “I bet your teeth—”
Peter grins.
“—yep, yep, I was right. Mud. Dirt. You look insane, Parker.” He snaps a couple more photos.
“I couldn’t stop,” Peter says, taking his last bite and then tilting the plastic up so he can get the juice out. “I still don’t know if I’m done,” he says, garbled through his current endeavor.
“I hope you left some behind for your ice pop dealer,” Tony says, marching off in the direction of the freezer. “I’m gonna try to count how many you had based on how many are missing.”
“Definitely more than twenty!” Peter calls.
“Yeah,” Tony calls back. “The pile speaks for itself.”
 2.
“Just slip and move, kid, c’mon. I know I’ve seen you fight before.”
 Peter tries to be light on his feet, but he feels big and weighed down by the padding. The boxing gloves. The stupid red foam helmet they’re both wearing.
 “Yeah, random dudes,” Peter says. “Not you. Not a—real person.”
 Tony reaches out and pops him one in the shoulder. He’s clearly pulling his punches, but Peter isn’t keyed in, so he’s still not catching them, not blocking. Tony laughs, and they circle around each other. Peter tries to copy him, stay light on his feet.
 “Oh, they weren’t real people?” Tony asks. “I’ll tell that to the guy that stayed webbed to a tree on 3rd for six hours.”
 “I didn’t box with him.”
 Tony reaches out and taps him again, this time in the middle of his forehead. Or, his foam forehead. He feels really dumb.
 “Didn’t you tell me you learned to fight from the movies?” Tony asks, hands up by his face but ready to move at any second. “Rocky is a good movie. Rocky is an excellent movie. That’s the kind of film I’d expect to see you referencing—running up sets of stairs, arms in the air, children racing after you in the streets—actually, I think I’ve seen that happen—”
 “Maybe I just don’t wanna hit you,” Peter says, fast, without even really thinking about it.
 Tony laughs, and keeps moving without missing a beat. “Pete, c’mon. C’mon, I trust you. We’re just sparring, it’s fine.”
 Peter sighs. They keep circling around each other, and Peter tries to stay on the balls of his feet. He reaches out and throws a punch, which Tony purposefully doesn’t block.
 “There we go,” Tony says. “Okay, c’mon. I know you’re a fighter, Spider-Man. Just gotta style you up a little better. I’m tired of all the broken noses. How many times have you broken your nose? At least a dozen times.”
 Peter rolls his eyes.
 “Okay, Mr. Sass, okay,” Tony says, and he lands another punch, with a little more force behind it, in the middle of Peter’s chest.
 “Okay, okay,” Peter says.
 They start sparring more intensely after that. Nothing serious, no hard hits, but Peter matches Tony’s movements, watches his footwork, blocks his hits and throws some of his own. This is the first time someone has genuinely—trained him, in combat. Or made an attempt, anyway.
 Maybe he gets a little too into it.
 “Perfect, kid,” Tony says, after Peter lands a punch in the middle of his forehead. “Good, good—”
 Peter grins, slips away, and then winds up. He’s aiming for Tony’s forehead again. He totally—he totally is. Aiming for his forehead.
 Except he hits him square in the nose. Hard.
 Peter gasps and Tony staggers back, both gloved hands clutching at his face.
 “Oh my God,” Peter breathes, rushing towards him in a panic.
“Maybe that was a little too good,” Tony says, chuckling wetly.
 “Oh no, oh no,” Peter says, his heart beating loud in his ears. He rips one of his gloves off with his teeth, quickly ridding himself of the other once he’s got his hand free.
 “It’s fine,” Tony says, still covering his face. “Totally fine.”
 “Lemme—oh fuck.”
 Tony pulls his hands back and glares at him. “Language, spider-baby.”
 “I broke your nose. I broke your nose.” Peter reaches up to grip his own hair in an instinctual move, but instead he grips the stupid foam helmet. He rips that off too, tossing it aside.
 “Hey,” Tony says, watching its trajectory. “Throwing shit now—who said we were done?”
 “I broke your nose.”
 “I know you have super strength, I was prepared for this,” Tony says, walking over to the chair where he stowed his phone. He grabs it, holds it up in front of his face, narrowing his eyes at himself and the new wound. “Actually, I just wanted to claim elder abuse.”
 “Stop,” Peter says. There’s a crack across the bridge of Tony’s nose, bright red blood streaming from his nostrils. “Oh shit, it looks bad.”
 “Only I’m allowed to use the ‘s’ word—”
 “I’m a teenager—”
 “Precisely.”
 Peter sighs.
 “Come over here,” Tony says, motioning with his head. “We need a selfie.”
 “A self—a selfie?”
 “Yeah, put at least one glove on, I wanna send it to May.”
 “Oh God. Really?”
 “Yeah.”
 Peter sighs. He shuffles over to where one of his abandoned gloves is, putting it back on. He goes over to stand beside Tony and pouts.
 “Just consider it payback for all the times I’ve annoyed the shit out of you,” Tony says. He throws an arm around Peter’s shoulder, and Peter holds one glove up like a reluctant winner. “Say ‘bloody nose!’”
 “You’re the worst,” Peter says, as Tony snaps the photo.
 “I’m the best,” Tony says. “Alright, let’s—let’s get to the med bay and bother somebody about this.”
 3.
 Tony sits at the edge of Peter’s bed, and feels like any minute, the world might explode.
 His world, anyway. The tiny portion of the larger world that he’s carved out for himself. To keep himself sane, to keep his family safe, to keep the things he loves intact. Yeah, that world—it’s got cracks in it now, and they’re all surrounding Peter.
 The news is on mute, the TV above Peter’s bed blaring in its silence, the kid’s image plastered there alongside the headline BREAKING—SPIDER-MAN REVEALED AS QUEENS RESIDENT PETER PARKER. They have an old school photo, which makes Peter look younger than he is, which in turn makes Tony furious. Not even he can stop the coverage, and he’s sure as hell tried. Peter’s phone keeps buzzing in Tony’s pocket, but he doesn’t look at it. He feels half catatonic, has been stuck in that state since the photo was delivered earlier today. The photo he’s still clutching, face down, in his left hand.
 They received it at the first guard gate, in a plain Manila envelope. It made its way to Tony’s office, where May was already with him, because Peter had been gone for more than ten hours without checking in, which is never a good sign. The envelope was addressed plainly, only said TONY STARK on the outside with nothing else, and he wondered how the fuck it got here. In his mind he had planned to order someone to check the cameras, talk to the gate guard, but he kept quiet, trembling hands peeling the thing open.
 The photo was black and white. Peter, in his suit, without his mask, chained to a chair. Blood around his mouth. A black eye. A cut along his neck. And a message, in red sharpie, that said WE HAVE YOUR SPIDER-MAN. A note taped on the back demanding six million dollars or they’d release his identity.
 Tony had started to get the money ready to go immediately, but then Peter himself showed up. Bloody, one chain still around his wrist. Promptly collapsing at their feet.
 His identity went live about an hour later, with all the evidence the public could need, and Tony hasn’t moved from this spot since. He swallows hard, watching the kid sleep, and he tries to kickstart his brain, tries to get into gear, tries to figure this thing out. He considers denying it, but they already have photos of the two of them hanging out in public together, as they tend to do. There’s been speculation about Peter’s identity for months, and this is the final puzzle piece pulling it all together. Of course he’s Spider-Man. Of course.
 Tony turns the photo over, and his heart aches at the sight of it. The defiance in Peter’s eyes, among all that pain. All the bruises. Tony feels like Peter had to have known what would happen if he escaped, but he’s stubborn—he wasn’t gonna let Tony give up anything for him.
 Tony wishes the kid knew by now that he’d give up anything to keep him safe.
 Tony startles a little bit when the door opens, and he turns the photo back over, putting it on top of the small shelf beside him. May walks back in, clicks her tongue when she sees the news is still rattling on about their latest story.
 Tony gets up to meet her, taking one of the pillows out of her hands. She’s got a couple, since Peter likes to sleep with about ten of them if he can, and she’s got a bag of his clothes.
 She meets Tony’s eyes. “So, uh—any more thoughts on what we should do about this?” she asks.
 His mind is a jumbled mess. This is a problem he’d never exactly planned for, because he’d fought so hard to keep it from happening. He clears his throat. “I guess we’ll deal with it,” he says.
 She nods at him, and her face changes. She looks resolute. “Yeah,” she says. “We will. He’s got us, right? We’ve got this?”
 Tony nods, because that is something he can agree with. “Yeah,” he says. “He’s got us.”
 “Alright,” May says, putting her things down. “Uh, help me arrange these without waking him up.”
 Both he and May walk over on either side of Peter’s bed, ignoring the news and the horror of their new situation. Tony gently slips one hand around the back of Peter’s head, avoiding the bandage at his temple, and lifts him up a little bit. May helps put the pillow down, and then Tony rests Peter’s head back down on top of it. He swipes a stray hair out of the kid’s eyes, and May leans down, kissing Peter on the forehead.
 “We’ll figure it out,” Tony says, his voice rough. “We will. I promise.”
 “I know,” May says. “We have to.”
4.
 Tony sits in the stands beside May and Happy and sinks a little lower into his seat. Flashes keep going off, but a lot of them are aimed in his direction, and that pisses him off something awful.
 “I should have worn a disguise,” Tony says, looking at May. “A fake mustache. Some bad eyebrows. Something.”
 “You’re fine,” May says, patting his knee. “They knew you’d be here anyway.”
 “If you were wearing a disguise, I would have had to wear one too,” Happy says. “And I feel like it would have made us stick out more.”
 Tony sighs. “Probably.” He watches the kids go across the stage in their black graduation robes, meeting their principal, shaking his hand, receiving their diplomas. “How many more?” he asks. “How many more til Pete? I’m suffering. I’m dying.”
 “You’re dramatic,” May says, but she’s suppressing a smile.
 “Context clues, Tony,” Happy says. “They just announced Amy Ourelis, so it’s gotta be soon.”
 It was fine when the kid was down in the chairs on the ground level—the three of them were making faces at him, signing messages back and forth, but he got up to get in line what feels like hours ago. And it’s been torture ever since, save for the brief moment when Ned went across the stage.
 “Too many kids go to this school,” Tony says. “Too many kids with last names starting with A-O.”
 “Your patience is unparalleled,” May says.
 “I know,” Tony says. “I’m very proud.”
 “Look look, there he is,” Happy says, leaning over and pointing. Both May and Tony follow his finger and see Peter standing at the side of the stage, at the base of the steps, and he turns, eyes darting around to find them. Both May and Tony’s arms shoot up into the air, waving around kinda manically.
 Peter waves back, grinning, and Tony smiles at him.
 “He looks so goofy in that cap,” May says.
 “We actually had to use your barrette,” Tony says.
 “Really?” May asks, raising her eyebrows at him.
 “Yeah,” Tony says. “Damn thing kept falling off.”
 “I told him.”
 “Julian Pao,” the announcer says, into the microphone.
 “Oh, I think he’s next,” Happy says, as they watch Julian go across the stage. “Should be—”
 “Peter Parker.”
 Tony jumps to his feet and May quickly follows, and they clap and hoot and holler like insane people. Like they’re at a concert.
 “Way to go, Pete!” Tony yells. “Hell yeah, Peter!”
 And then he realizes that everyone—everyone—is on their feet, too. The place has erupted in clapping and cheering, and it includes all the school board members across the stage. Tony hears some exclamations of “YAY SPIDER-MAN” and so, so many people are taking pictures.
 Peter gets his diploma, shakes his principal’s hand, and turns to wave in their direction. They wave back, probably too enthusiastically, and Tony’s heart swells with a kind of pride that he’s only ever felt for Peter Parker.
 ~
 They created a special exit for Peter, considering there’s a shit ton of paparazzi waiting for him out front, and May, Tony and Happy meet him there. It’s a long hallway at the back of the stadium, and even though they’re alone, Tony can still hear the reverberations of all the other students and their proud families passing through.
 Peter rushes up to them, beaming, and May catches him in a hug. His cap is crooked on his head now, and Tony straightens it out.
 Jesus, he’s so close to crying. He steps back, wiping at his eyes, and tries to cover it with a smile.
 “Did you hear that cheering?” Happy asks, smacking Peter on the shoulder once May pulls back. “They know they’ve got a damn hero in their midst.”
 “I think all that was for Julian Pao,” Peter says, laughing.
 “Honey, can I get a picture of you and Tony?” May asks. “Quick, before he breaks down.”
 “Mrs. Parker,” Tony hisses, narrowing his eyes at her. She smiles a little wickedly.
 “Yeah, yeah, I wanted one anyway,” Peter says.
 Tony clears his throat. “Alright, lemme just make sure the kid’s barrette isn’t visible,” he says, peering around the back of Peter’s head.
 “I think it’s buried in my hair pretty good,” Peter says.
 Tony nods, and wraps his arm around Peter’s shoulders, looking down at him. He’s hit with that fondness, ever present when he thinks about Peter. But it’s particularly strong and gripping in this moment.
 “You know, I’m really proud of you, Pete,” he says. He can hear May clicking away, taking photo after photo. He feels the tears coming on again, and he’s gotta stop ‘em. “I mean, I absolutely expected you to faceplant walking across that stage, but you—you made it. You made it all the way.”
 Peter snorts, the tassel on his cap swinging back and forth. “Well, I’ve gotta make my old man proud, right?”
 Tony is struck in the face of that statement. Frozen. He doesn’t know what to say, and he hears Happy snickering in the background.
 “Right, kid,” Tony croaks. “Right.”
 “Alright,” May says. “Look at me. Say ‘MIT!’”
 They both face her, and Tony tugs Peter close.
 “MIT!”
 ~
 Tony shreds the ransom photo. The ice pop photo becomes Peter’s contact picture in Tony’s phone. The boxing one becomes something Ned sends to Peter every time he doubts himself, which Tony totally condones. You broke Iron Man’s nose! You’re capable of anything!
 And the graduation photo is blown up, framed, and has a spot of honor in the living room.
 Peter’s made Tony into a damn sap. But when he looks at that picture, he feels like he’s been one all along. The kid just brought it out in him.
2K notes · View notes
makeste · 3 years ago
Text
BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse
Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.
Today on BnHA: 
youtube
Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 
please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol
(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)
around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh
I love that they just randomly set the place on fire
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was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah
wow it’s a pervert!!
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that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people
oh my god??!
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SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess
so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference
Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that
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“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there
oh shit
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I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge
??
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ahh, was it the security footage??
fdsdfk he’s still alive??
and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying
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very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call
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what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,
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okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise
anyway, so Stain is all,
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PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”
(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)
DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE
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(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)
if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol
blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT
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NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY
“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol
“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you
“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man
for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still
anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside
huh
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okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue
ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though
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boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here
my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair
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no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here
like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people
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that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here
(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.
Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.
speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.
just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)
-- wait, what
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THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild
AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW
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-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um
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yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times
oh, pardon me. three fucking days
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r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap
(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)
damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations
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-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?
wait holy SHIT
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based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff
“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it
wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?
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soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??
omg international heroes
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these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets
(ETA: and it worked too lol.)
WHO??? WHAT???
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don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit
noooooooooooooooooooo
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god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]
on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This
I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys
is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it
this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you
tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol
so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao
(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)
anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol
anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed
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90s-belladonna · 5 years ago
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Omg seriously. Can we address like deku getting ofa? When I first got into bnha and read the summary I thought it was cool as hell that a kid with no quirk was going to be a hero and I wondered how he would do it but I was disappointed to see that he was passed the quirk. Like I know he's working for it now with breaking his body etc. But dudes literally gonna have 7 quirks or so like??
that wasn’t my issue but I totally understand your concern, it’s pretty unfair for kids who actually worked hard to make their quirks work for them to become the number 1 hero (like katsuki, yeah he’s a little shit but he cares and has always worked hard to achieve his goal. or shoto, it may have started off as his dad’s dream but it’s also his and he never stops working to achieve it, he wants to be like all might, the hero who gave him hope as a child. or mirio who has a quirk that’s super difficult to master but he still did it because he genuinely wants to help).
like if deku truly wanted to become a hero he could have done so, even without a quirk (knuckleduster says hi, even though he’s a vigilante he’s still essentially a hero). had he worked hard on his physical training , building up strength and flexibility (which by the way as someone who did cheer in a squad that was constantly introducing and training make memebers to help us do crazier stunts for competition season, I can tell you gymnastics and tumbling 100% comes easier to boys, like they pick up on gymnastics and tumbling within one practice, where as girls have to practice like crazy for weeks/months to get half as good as guys are on their first few tries). like let’s take aizawa for example... take his quirk away and he’s essentially a gymnast who fights crime (dick grayson is shaking in his boots right now), deku could have easily been that, something Shinso will soon be since he also has a non physical quirk. that aside, had deku actually trained his strength and flexibility he could have totally used afo at it’s full potential right away when all might gave it to him. instead of working hard he sat around being lazy all day, yeah taking notes on heroes is helpful but what’s the point when you don’t work out and are too weak to use all those skills you spent learning about for yourself?
instead he sat around and wished for a quirk, he got everything handed to him. this is why I think he and shigs are perfect parallels since they both got everything handed to them (shigs with the lov and deku with his power) like really think about it... there’s villains like overhaul out there who have set plans and know exactly what to do to execute them + built their organizations single handedly from the ground up, earned the respect of their underlings, that’s hard work! shigs and deku did none of that it was all handed to them and now they’re the most powerful people like ever and they don’t deserve it.
essentially people who actually put in the work are losing because two lazy people got lucky. at least shigs is doing things now and forming a plan + he went through actual traumatic events, so I’m inclined to like him more as opposed to deku who’s only real “issue” was not having a quirk... first world problems🙄had he taken a boxing class and a gymnastics class, maybe learned to master a weapon like the capture scarf it would have been a non issue.
but deku is still being stubborn and hasn’t shown me that he deserves ofa over someone like mirio, who represents everything a good hero should be. I’ll try to find my og post or screenshots of it and I’ll link it below after I post this because I think I made better points there as opposed to now when I’m like half asleep (rip) but yeah... this manga is high school musical all over again... people who worked hard their whole entire lives (sharpay / mirio) being sideline and upstaged in favor of people who don’t deserve all their success and definitely didn’t work hard for it and just got handed it to them (troy/ deku)
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