#like part of me wants to distance myself from es a little for a moment just to stay sane but

[foosybit]

the most beautiful gorgeous gothic mayoi card that ive been waiting years for being released during the damage control period while theyre absolutely obliterating akatsuki and everything theyve ever stood for gives me so many mixed emotions ... ive truly been waiting for a frilly dark mayoi outfit again ever since his fs1 and if this were released just a month ago i'd be the happiest man alive, but just knowing that happyele is kinda dropping their most popular characters to beg forgiveness and win us back or distract us from the shitshow theyre making akatsuki go through kinda takes the joy out of it .... i wish mayoi (and by extenstion, the entire fucking enstars cast) belonged to anyone and anything other than enstars and happyele but i imagine we're all feeling the same abt our enstars favs rn orz

[passengerprincessblog]

“Off Track” pt.1 ~ Franco x reader

Summary: Caught in a complicated, long-distance relationship with F1 legend Lewis Hamilton, Y/N finds herself unexpectedly drawn to Franco Colapinto, a young and charming rookie driver with the Williams team. As sparks fly between them amidst the adrenaline-fueled world of racing, Y/N begins to question the boundaries between friendship and something more. With Franco’s undeniable charm and Lewis’s overprotective presence, Y/N must navigate the thrill and danger of her growing attraction—on and off the track.

WC: 1,200

Part 2 here

The chaotic energy of the Brazilian Grand Prix was electric, each roar from the crowd sending a wave of excitement through my veins. It was one of those races where the air felt alive, every sound and smell magnified. Usually, I’d be in the Mercedes garage with Lewis, cheering him on, but today I found myself wandering around the paddock, my eyes searching for someone else.

Franco Colapinto.

He was just a rookie, a temporary driver for the Williams team, but he had quickly charmed his way into everyone’s hearts, including mine. Maybe it was his easygoing smile or that sparkle in his greenish-blue eyes. Maybe it was the way he was so obviously in awe of Lewis, reverent and respectful but still carrying that cheeky, Argentinian confidence.

We’d met through Lewis, of course. He’d been eager to introduce me to his “protégé,” as he called him, which made me roll my eyes. Franco was younger than Lewis, and maybe that was part of the appeal—he hadn’t been worn down by the sport’s pressures yet. He still carried that spark, that excitement. And somehow, in the process of being introduced, I found myself drawn to him. More than I should be.

Finally, I spotted him, leaning against the side of the Williams garage, scrolling through his phone. The moment he looked up and noticed me, a broad grin spread across his face, lighting up his entire expression.

“Y/N! Looking for me?” he called out, slipping his phone into his pocket and walking toward me, his posture relaxed and inviting. There was something inherently magnetic about the way he carried himself, all confidence and charm wrapped up in a twenty-one-year-old with wild ambition.

“Maybe I am,” I teased, shrugging playfully. “But don’t let it get to your head, rookie. I’m here to watch Lewis.”

He raised an eyebrow, feigning disappointment as he placed a hand dramatically over his heart. “Ah, so it’s not me you came to see. You’re just using me to get closer to the legend.”

I laughed, crossing my arms as I watched him. “Maybe, maybe not. You’re still figuring me out.”

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing playfully. “Well, I’d like to think I’m good at that. Figuring people out, I mean. And I think I’m starting to understand you.” His voice dropped a little lower, a hint of mischief in his tone as he leaned in slightly. “After all, I know when someone is interested in more than just the race.”

My breath caught slightly, and I raised an eyebrow, refusing to let him have the upper hand. “Oh really? Is that your expert analysis as a rookie F1 driver?”

Franco smirked, switching seamlessly to Spanish, his voice warm and teasing. “No, es mi análisis experto como argentino.” (“No, it’s my expert analysis as an Argentinian.”)

I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head. “Well, Mr. Expert Analyst, you might want to work on your skills. You’re a bit… off track.”

He chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall casually. “I don’t think so. I think I’m right on target. And anyway, it’s not my fault you’re too tempting to resist.”

The way he said it, so direct yet playful, sent a shiver down my spine. There was no hiding that I enjoyed his company, maybe more than I should, and the easy banter between us felt like an escape from the complicated world of F1—and my complicated relationship with Lewis.

My phone buzzed, interrupting my thoughts. I glanced down and saw a string of texts from Lewis.

“Where are you?”

“Are you coming to the garage?”

“Y/N, let me know when you’re here.”

I sighed softly, feeling that familiar tug of guilt and frustration. Lewis and I… well, we hadn’t been at our best recently. The long distance, the pressure, his overprotective tendencies—it all added up, making things harder than I’d ever imagined. And as much as I loved him, sometimes it felt like I was suffocating under the weight of his expectations.

“Everything okay?” Franco’s voice pulled me back, concern flickering in his eyes as he watched me.

“Yeah,” I replied quickly, slipping my phone back into my pocket. “Just… Lewis. Checking in, as usual.”

Franco’s expression softened, and he nodded, leaning a little closer. “I get it. But, if you don’t mind me saying, he’s a lucky guy. And, if he doesn’t realize that…” He trailed off, his voice taking on a more serious tone, and I found myself caught in those green-blue eyes of his.

“Franco…” I said softly, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. I tried to brush it off with a smirk, but he was too close now, too present, and I couldn’t deny the pull I felt toward him. “Careful. Flirting with Lewis Hamilton’s girlfriend might get you into trouble.”

He laughed, his cheeks flushing slightly, but he didn’t move away. If anything, he leaned in just a fraction closer, his gaze intense. “Maybe. But you don’t look like you’re running away either.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Instead, I found myself inching closer to him, testing the boundaries we both knew were there but choosing to ignore, just for a moment. The tension was thick, and for a brief, reckless second, I forgot about Lewis, forgot about the world, and just focused on the way Franco was looking at me.

“Maybe I like trouble,” I whispered, barely aware of the words leaving my mouth.

Franco’s eyes widened, his cheeks taking on a slight pinkish hue. It was endearing, how easily he could be flustered, despite his usual confident front. “You know,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “if you keep saying things like that, I might start believing you mean it.”

I smirked, reaching out to lightly tap his arm. “Maybe I do. But I wouldn’t want to distract you before the race, would I?”

He chuckled, shaking his head, clearly enjoying the game we were playing. “I think I’m starting to realize why Lewis doesn’t let you out of his sight.”

We stood there in silence for a moment, just locked in each other’s gaze, the world fading away around us. But then my phone buzzed again, a reminder of the reality I couldn’t escape. I looked down and saw another message from Lewis, his words laced with impatience.

Franco seemed to sense the shift, and he stepped back, giving me a small, understanding nod. “I’ll see you later, Y/N. Try not to get into too much trouble, okay?”

I laughed softly, nodding as I turned to leave, but I couldn’t resist glancing over my shoulder one last time. “No promises, Colapinto.”

As I walked away, I could still feel his eyes on me, and the hint of a smile tugged at my lips. Whatever this was, it was far from over. And I wasn’t sure I wanted it to be.

_______________________

Note: idk what I’m doing and idk if I like this but if you do please let me know… or any ideas or request for any other drivers and/ or scenarios 🙈💜♥️

I apologize for typos or mistakes 😅

[ambitionsource]

hi this is kind of random, but I just started getting into Ambition a few months ago, read all three seasons and the bonus content, absolutely fell IN LOVE with the characters and the story and this beautiful world you’ve created! But there was one moment when I was kind of disappointed, and rereading all of the seasons after reading the Season 4 pilot reminded me of it. I REALLY WANTED CHARLIE TO SING SCREAM FROM HSM IN SEASON 3 EPISODE 2. like I would always play this little game with myself while reading the episodes, if I could tell that the show was building up to a song I’d try and predict what that song would be, and I literally got so hyped because I swore Charlie (especially after that scene where he almost called Zay) was gonna sing Scream and I would’ve literally DIED. And then he sang his song and it was Go The Distance, which was literally amazing and perfectly encapsulated everything going on with him, and it was great but I couldn’t help feeling a little sad 😢. I literally love Ambition so much, everything you guys write is literally perfection and I can’t wait for Season 4! (but please can Charlie or literally anyone else at some point sing scream from HSM3 i mean you don’t have to like you guys are the experts and your so talented okay bye)

hi there pal! WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF AMBITION 🎉 it truly always makes us so happy when someone else decides to give it a try and ends up fully immersed (there really is something special about this show... hard to even put into words but if you're here then you've felt the magic).

and thank you for taking the time to send this note -- it made me laugh out loud! full disclosure i completely agree with your take, "Scream" is definitely a Charlie-worthy song and would have fit very well in 3A. i love that you play that game with yourself, that's so fun!! believe me, es and i have a whole playlist dedicated to "cut" songs that didn't end up in the episodes either because they got replaced by better matches, moved for screen time, etc., and so we feel your pain that not every perfect song can find its way into the show. but i hope you will never stop playing that game as you read, because it's amazing and i love that you're having so much fun with it.

as for if it will ever show up, well, never say never! there is a whole two seasons left to go, and plenty of room for songs to develop... so only time will tell. thank you again for reading, and coming to chat with us about it, and holding it close to your heart just like we do. that's part of what makes it so special. 💝

-- Maggie

[ozzdog12]

2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year. 

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out. 

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so. 

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

[backtothestart02]

Remember That Night - 2/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Another chap for you! The chaps will be longer after Barry and Iris meet again, but the first several chaps are the in between time and so are a little shorter. Enjoy!

...

Chapter 2 - The Day After

Numb.

That was the only word Iris could think of to describe herself.

The entire rest of the day after Barry had gone, she felt like she was walking around like a ghost. No purpose, no direction, no heartbeat. She moved through the kitchen stopping at places he had been, touching counter surfaces, dishes, remembering. Barry Allen wasn’t dead, but he’d so surely ripped himself from her life unexpectedly that it felt like he was. She was in shock.

Eventually, she found her way to the bedroom and laid in his bed, sleeping on and off. No one came to check in on her. Her aunt and uncle were no doubt busy with the work during the day and they might not even know she was still there. They hadn’t been blind to Barry and Iris’ relationship over the past couple months, but they also hadn’t gone out of their way to be nosy about it. Only Iris’ dad would’ve done that, and he was two states away.

Her best friend, Linda Park, was at a summer-long internship on the other side of the country. Any other friends Iris had were superficial, and they didn’t know about Barry. Linda knew some details but not all. Her life in New York City had become busy and her replies to Iris’ texts were few and far between. Iris didn’t have to be lonesome for long though, because soon after she and Barry shared their first kiss – or kisses rather, and after that it was down the rabbit hole she went.

The day after Barry left, the tears came.

Iris was okay at first, other than a massive stomach ache come morning, since she hadn’t eaten any lunch or dinner the day before. Her heartbreak told her she didn’t have an appetite. Her stomach disagreed.

She sighed, not really wanting to combat keeping tears at bay and unbearable stomach pain for a whole day or longer.

Forcing her eyes open and the sheets off her body, she looked up to find a silhouette in the doorway. For a moment the light played a trick on her, and she thought it was Barry – in the flesh, returned to her, ready to explain and beg for forgiveness and stay with her.

The look on her face must’ve given her away, as had her little gasp, because seconds later her aunt Cora stepped into the room with a sad smile.

“It’s just me, honey. I wanted to check on you.”

Iris’ shoulders slumped, and immediately she started to sob. One tear came and then another, then another, until they were pouring down her cheeks and cries were getting louder and louder. She couldn’t register when, but soon her aunt had come to her on the bed and held her close, letting her cry, letting her sob and get all those awful emotions out.

By the time she’d drained herself of both tears and the energy to cry out, she was so exhausted that she fell back asleep again.

Vaguely, she recalled her aunt tucking her in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Then her presence was gone, and Iris was asleep.

The next time she opened her eyes she was in her uncle’s house, a smile on her face and balloons all around her. She was dreaming. She knew that much, but she didn’t care. She let herself experience it and forget the reality.

This dream – this memory – was much more pleasant than what she’d be waking up to.

“Iris.”

She spun around to face her uncle, a smile on his face as well – a beaming one in fact. His hands were hooked into his suspenders, barely holding his stomach in beneath the plaid shirt. His jeans were a little dirty from being outside, but his ‘party boots’ were shiny and gave the impression of grandeur, as did that toothy grin of his.

“Uncle Jesse.”

Her eyes sparkled as she went to him, about to hug him tightly as her blue and white summer dress swayed around her hips when she realized he was trying to introduce someone to her.

She turned to look at the man beside her uncle, and her heart nearly stopped.

He was tall, several inches taller than her uncle, who she’d always considered a great deal taller than her. She felt tiny in front of this new stranger. She also couldn’t hold eye contact with him for too long. His eyes were penetrating. A deep green that you either fell into or avoided entirely. She’d just barely escaped the former.

“Who is this?” she heard herself asking politely.

Jesse squeezed the shoulder of the taller man beside him.

“This is Barry Allen. I’ve hired him on as a ranch hand over the summer. I thought I’d introduce you so you’re not startled if you happen to see him here when you come during your summer break. If you do, of course.”

“You know I will, Uncle Jesse. I love spending time with you and Aunt Cora.”

Jesse couldn’t stop the smile that spread further across his face.

“Jesse! More guests are arriving!”

“Oh, excuse me. Iris, Barry, why don’t you two get to know each other while I welcome our other guests. The party should be starting soon!”

Barry and Iris hid secret smiles, their eyes locking for the briefest of moments before Jesse parted from them and headed towards where his wife was calling by the front door.

“I’m coming, honey. I’m coming,” he said hurriedly. They could hear him even from a distance.

Barry chuckled lightly.

“He’s quite a character, your uncle.”

“Mm,” she said, her breath suddenly stolen from her as he took a step closer and stood beside her.

“How old are you turning today?”

She forced herself to focus on his question. He was just a guy. A very tall guy with gorgeous green eyes she was in danger of drowning in, but just a guy nonetheless.

“Nineteen,” she said, with a smile.

“Wow, practically an adult, aren’t ya?” he teased.

She scoffed, smiling wide despite herself.

“Well, how old are you, Mister Allen?”

He chuckled. “I am an adult.”

“Eighteen?”

He gave her a look that turned her to jelly.

“Twenty-one.”

“Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean I’m not in an adult. Here in the states adulthood starts at 18.” She paused. “Where are you from?”

“The States,” he said easily.

“More specifically?”

He shrugged. “Around.”

Her eyes sparkled in amusement.

“Shrouded in mystery, aren’t you?”

He laughed.

“I just like to keep to myself is all. I never stay in one place for too long.”

“And why is that?”

He smiled by way of an answer.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t fight the smile continuously tugging at her lips just by being near him. And the way he was looking at her. God.

“Iris!” she heard her uncle call, and she looked in his direction, her face hot and her focus blurred but still trying. “I have some more guests for you to meet!”

“Okay!” she said cheerfully, then stepped to the side and glanced at Barry before saying, “I should go.”

“Of course. Happy birthday, Iris.”

Her tongue swelled up in her mouth and she swallowed before nodding and smiling tremulously.

“Thanks.”

“Iris. Iris. Iris!”

Her eyes flashed open. She was breathing heavily, sweating, back in bed, the party disappeared from her sight. Aunt Cora was sitting beside her.

“Oh, child, you scared me.” Her hand flew to her chest. “I couldn’t wake you up. You’ve been asleep for hours. Didn’t you sleep at all last night?”

She had. She’d slept too much.

“I guess I just needed a little more, Aunt Cora.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re all right now. Will you come eat some lunch?”

“Barry left-” She was about to say pancakes, but stopped after his name tumbled out of her mouth, her whole world ceasing to exist all over again.

“Now, now, no more tears today.” Cora dabbed at the two that trickled down her cheeks. “I’ll never get you to the kitchen at that rate.”

Iris fixed her eyes on her aunt, swallowed and licked her lips.

“I wish you’d come over for dinner last night, darling.” She pushed the locks framing Iris’ face out of her eyes. “We had no idea you were still here. We thought…” she trailed off. “Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter what we thought. You’ll come stay in the guest room tonight and then head back to your little apartment in the city tomorrow.”

Iris frowned. “I have two weeks till classes start again, Aunt Cora.”

“And you want to stay here? With all these memories?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” she admitted softly.

Cora pressed her lips to the side of her face.

“Then you shan’t be.”

Iris felt warmth spread through her body, a comforting warmth, what always settled in her when she was being comforted by her aunt.

“You can stay as long as you like.” She pulled back. “Now come eat, so that stomach of yours stops grumbling. I could hear it even in your sleep.”

Iris managed a soft laugh, then shifted out of the bed and followed her aunt to the door. She paused in the doorway to look back at the bed, and the memory of last night flitted before her eyes, she and Barry in bed laughing and smiling and holding each other.

“Iris?”

It was her aunt again. She blinked and finally made her way back into the kitchen to the scene of the crime.

...

*will be posted on AO3 and FFnet when beta’d.

[zigtheeortega]

PLATINUM WEEKEND PLAYLIST

in a spurt of energy i decided to finish the playlist i’d been working on for a while! this turned into a raleigh playlist, and i’m a little sorry about it but not really :/ this playlist is nsfw and all of the descriptions are under the cut! [there’s a line separating the spanish-language songs’ explanations]

1. anywhere

we can make love on the bedroom / floating on top of my waterbed / i'm kissing you / running my fingers through your hair / in the hallway / making our way beside the stairs / we can do it anywhere

most singers are influenced by their predecessors, so i have no doubt that raleigh listened to old r&b groups and practiced lead vocals, background vocals, & harmonies to them in the shower. this one stands out to me because i think it captures just the right amount of smooth sensual energy that raleigh exudes at all times. 112 is immaculate and no doubt one of raleigh’s favs.

2. nasty

promise I'ma give it to you like you never had it / i do it so good, it's gon' be hard to break the habit / you're like a whole constellation / swimming like you on vacation / promise i'm still gonna love you when you wake up in the a.m.

you can’t convince me that raleigh didn’t listen to ariana’s album when it dropped and went absolutely wide eyed when they heard these lyrics like “she really went there...” – but then it became a staple of every ~secret playlist to do the horizontal polka to~ 

3. sex money feelings die

all my lights off when i wake up / tears under my makeup / your lips will stay shut / wanna wake up, break up / i don't wanna think about, think about you / drink up, drink up / i'm so fucked up / all i want is you / no, i don't wanna think about, think about you / sex money feelings die / baby don't you cry

so this is the song i’ve latched onto for my mc dom. i have a headcanon (i think i’ve said it on main a lot, and i’ve even made edits for it) that after the breakup, which everyone else thinks is real, but they think is fake, but is actually real, dom drives to the studio super late at night and just belts out the lyrics while sobbing just to get them off of her shoulders. and it accidentally becomes a hit! which makes raleigh feel even more like shit 

4. facetime

back up all that shit you talking / facetimin' my baby tonight, oh / bet you wanna cop a feel / bet you wonder if it's real / facetimin' my baby tonight / and when you coming home / i'm gon' give you all of my love / i'm gon' put it on you / i said ooh you a hell of a drug

not to get too in detail but raleigh is an ~active~ individual, so i have no doubt that during long tours, they’re facetiming mc for some quality time. and this one’s just sensual and sweet like raleigh’s relationship is so!  

5. only 1

i know all the competition that's after you / so i get to thinking, is this too good to be true? / i can't, be your, only one / no i can't, be your only one / 'cause you look twice as good as anyone i ever met / and your love is three times better / how could anyone forget? / as I'm layin' down, with you every night / it still gets to me, that you remain by my side / i ain't saying that i'm not deservin' of you / but i was dreaming, bigger than i ever knew

raleigh’s convinced they don’t deserve someone as good as the mc and this for sure seems to be one of those songs that they heard when ari’s album dropped and they were like “jeez this is sappy” then they turn out to relate to it super hard like the clown they are

6. kissin’ on my tattoos

now i ain't ever been the jealous type of guy / but i want you to myself, i can't lie / i know we ain't on no one on one thing / but baby, it should change / 'cause when i be out with other chicks i be thinking 'bout you / and when you be out on dates you be texting me too / i don't want nobody but you / kissin' on my tattoos / i don't want nobody but me / talkin' to you / until you fall asleep / we better stop playing (we better stop playing) / before we mess around and someone gets hurt

now this... this is THE quintessential raleigh song for me. like when i think of raleigh this is THE first song that comes to mind. the entire song beginning to end is raleigh singing about mc. like i am convinced if this existed in their universe, they ghostwrote it for mc. genuinely the MOST raleigh song in existence and i cannot be convinced otherwise

7. life of an outlaw

not gonna put the lyrics but this would absolutely be on one of raleigh’s playlists that they play pre-concert to get hyped up, or a workout playlist. i just feel it in my bones that their fav music is from the 90′s ok

8. watch ‘n’ learn

i'ma do it, do it, do it / on the bed, on the floor, on the couch / only 'cause your lips say make it to my mouth / just because i can't kiss back / doesn't mean you can't kiss that / baby all i need / all doing on me / like you aimed to please / show me how much you mean it / by the way that you please me, baby

another song on their freaky deeky playlist ! i know raleigh’s prob tried to get with rihanna at least once in their lives

9. freaky girls

i'ma be your freak any time or place, any day of the week / said i'ma let you hit it, i ain't scared, i ain't shy, it's cool with me 

yet ANOTHER song on their freaky deeky playlist ! sorry im not taking this more seriously im just daydreaming ab the songs that raleigh would add to their secret playlists

10. thinkin’ bout you

thinking bout ya, dreaming bout ya / i don't wanna be without ya / pillow talking, heaven walking / been about ya, still about ya / you ain't gotta worry bout it, baby girl, you know i got you / drinking out the bottle to deal with all my problems like / i should call / i thought i had the right one the last time around

god this is post breakup raleigh through and through. i have a hc that raleigh ghostwrites a lot of songs for people especially ones that fuck with their brand – they collabed on this with micah and a popular rapper and micah was like :/ come on now raleigh i KNOW who this is about

11. un-thinkable

moment of honesty / someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? / i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me / if you have something to say, you should say it right now / you give me a feeling that i never felt before / and i deserve it, i think i deserve it / it's becoming something that's impossible to ignore / and i can't take it / i know you said to me / this is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be

raleigh’s confession!!!!!!!! lord this reminds me of when they were on the beach together just talking and vibing – or really any time that they took

12. kiss it better

been waiting on that sunshine / boy, I think I need that back / can't do it like that / no one else gonna get it like that / man, fuck your pride, just take it on back, boy / take it on back boy, take it back all night / what are you willing to do? / oh, tell me what you're willing to do? / kiss it, kiss it better, baby

i think raleigh would cover this omg and maybe im biased bc it’s my fav song of all time but it just exudes raleigh energy!! plus i think this might be on their freaky deeky playlist LMAO

13. unrequited love

lost in the flames of love / unrequited love / time won't always heal / and it eats at my mind / because you're the one that got away / sometimes i feel alone / tried to hold my breath / somewhere deep in space / and i felt like you understood / what it truly means to be in love / now i'm wide open, it's so hard to focus / now that it's the end, i guess you'll always be / the one that got away

you know raleigh was super in their feelings after the breakup – i don’t think they knew how fast they’d fall for the mc. even if they didn’t admit it out loud, i think they were convinced they wouldn’t find someone like the mc again. anyways this song is sad as hell

14. you’re mine

come a little closer / let me tell you something / eat your ego honey / honey swallow your pride / i spotted you the second you walked in the building / i knew that you had let me get you high / i wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening / no one's gonna save you / use you up and break you / i'm the one who plagues you every night / 'cause you're mine.

so the song itself is ab a toxic relationship, but tbh i can picture my mc dom and raleigh singing this duet on stage together and the chemistry would be absolutely off the charts oh my god. 

––––

[disclaimer, i do not speak spanish, but i grew up listening to it and a lot of them have a lot of significance to me – i hope the rough translations i found online will do! some of them are very rough so i’ll just put the spanish lyrics]

so with all of these spanish songs im convinced that raleigh would cover any of these! most of them are really romantic and have the same vibe as what i imagine raleigh would have !! not gonna do a lot of explaining here because i think this explanation speaks for itself

15. viento

préstame tu peine / y péiname el alma / desenrédame / fuera de este mundo / dime que no / estoy sonándote / enséñame / de que estamos hechos.

lend me your comb / and comb my soul / untangle me / away from this world / tell me i'm not / dreaming of you / show me / what we’re made of

16. visita

que no es gusto, no es mi voluntad / que es lo que te digo / que aunque no me veas yo voi a estar / siempre contigo / la semana me parte en dos / de viernes a domingo / tu visita me repara cuando nos conecta entonces / quiero que te vengas a vivir, todos los dias conmigo

do not have a translation that makes a lot of grammatical sense for this one, but it’s generally about wanting to be closer to each other and move in together rather than visiting! it’s a really sweet song and the distance aspect reminds me of raleigh and mc

17. te quiero

te quiero / no, ya no me llores / no me vayas a hacer / llorar a mí / dame, dame tu mano / intentalo, mi niña / quiero verte reir / necesito verte / donde quiera que estes / te quiero, te quiero, te quiero / y no hago otra cosa / que pensar en ti / solo vivo y respiro / para ti 

i love you / no, don’t cry for me anymore / don’t make me cry / give me, give me your hand / try, my darling / i want to see you laughing / i need to see you / wherever you are / i love you, i love you, i love you / i don’t do anything else / than thinking about you / i only live and breath / for you

imagining raleigh singing this for mc......... swoooooon

18. maría

not offering a translation, but it’s a sad song that i think raleigh would potentially cover!

19. efímera

nos miramos a través del cuerpo y la piel / se conectaron nuestras almas / es que tus ojos de miel deslumbran mi ser / cuando la oscuridad me atrapa / cuando me besas / me siento en otra parte / me hierve la sangre / me derrite el corazón

we saw each other through our bodies and skin / our souls connected / its cause your honey colored eyes dazzle my being / when the darkness traps me / when you kiss me / i feel like i’m in another place / my blood boils / it melts my heart

“it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” this is one of em for sure

20. obsesion

son las cinco de la mañana y no he dormido nada / pensado en tu belleza en loco voy a parar / el insomnio es me castigo, tu amor será mi alivio / y hasta que no seas mía, no viviré en paz

it’s five in the morning and i haven’t slept at all / thinking bout your beauty, i’m gonna end up crazy / insomnia is my punishment, your love will be my relief / and until you’re mine, i will not live in peace

raleigh and mc would duet this!!!! the lyrics themselves aren’t really about their relationship but i think the vocals would be perfect for them

21. quiero ver

quiero ver tu risa todo el día / escuchar la melodía de tu voz / quisiera ser el brillo de tus ojos / el peine que desnuda tu esplendor / la esquina que te ve cuando caminas / y quiero ser tu último dolor / te pido que me cures esta herida / yo sé muy bien que no es tu obligación / tan sólo si amortiguas mi caída / será mi salvación

i want to see your smile all day / listen to the melody of your voice / i wish i could be the brightness of your eyes / the comb that undresses your splendor / the corner that sees you when you walk / i want to be your last pain / i ask you to heal this wound / i know very well it’s not your obligation / just only if you cushion my fall / it’ll be my salvation

this one makes me so soft oh my god and its another “it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” type of song

22. más que tu amigo

es un secreto / que tan solo quiero compartir / con esos ojos / que le han dado luz a mi vivir / y en esta noche no hay más luna / que como tú me alumbre más / que en mi alma crece una fortuna / por tanta dicha que me das / te quiero, te quiero / se oye en mi pecho / es el grande amor que me has hecho / latido a latido / te siento conmigo / yo quiero ser más que tu amigo

it is a secret / i just want to share / with those eyes / that give me light to live / and tonight there is no more moon / that shines on em as brightly as you do / in my soul grows a fortune / for such happiness that you bring me / i love you, i love you / you can hear in my chest / it’s the great love you’ve made me / heartbeat to heartbeat / i feel you with me / i want to be more than your friend

god i can just imagine them singing this to mc teasingly during their fake relationship and she’s like “sounds pretty i love your voice” but it’s really a confession AHHH

23. peligroso pop

no explanation on this one either! i just think this spanglish song would no doubt be on a playlist of raleigh’s !!! i’m also imagining raleigh dancing to this or going to this artists’ concert or something. idk it just reminds me of him !!!

24. eres

aquí estoy a tu lado / y espero aquí sentado hasta el final / no te has imaginado / lo que por tí esperado, pues eres / lo que yo amo en éste mundo, eso eres / cada minuto lo que pienso, eso eres / lo que más cuido en este mundo, eso eres

here i am by your side / and i’ll wait here, sitting, until the end / you haven’t imagined / what i’ve waited for you, because you are / what i love in this world, that’s what you are / every minute in what i think, that’s what you are / what i treasure most in this world, that’s what you are

this entire song is raleigh singing to mc, but like this little section is just SO sappy. that one line i keep mentioning? yeah that’s this song

25. locos

estoy contento de tenerte cerca / muy cerca de mí / que me digas loco / que me des besos / y que te rías de mí / y sé que nunca te lo he dicho / y me da miedo confesar / pero antes, quiero besarte / que llevo loco, tratando de decirte / que ya no puedo vivir sin ti

i’m happy because you’re close / very close to me / cause you call me crazy / cause you give me kisses / and laugh at me / and i know i’ve never told you this / and i’m afraid to confess / but first, i want to kiss you / i’m crazy, trying to tell you / that i can no longer live without you

god this reminds me of raleigh so much like ??? ok i dont know if this makes sense but imagine raleigh not being able to quite say the words they’re feeling so they just sing a song in spanish instead because they one, express their feelings through lyrics better and two, they know mc doesn’t understand spanish (this is specifically for non spanish speaking mcs)

26. no te puedo olvidar

sé que nunca me equivoqué / en lo que siento / y cuando me tocas la piel / me desvanezco / sé que miraremos a la última estrella / así nos conectaremos / yo te necesito más de lo que piensas / más de lo que puedo creer / vives en mí y en mi materia / no te quedo olvidar

i know i was never wrong / about what i feel / and when you touch my skin / i vanish / i know we’re gonna stare at the last star / that’s how we’ll connect / and i need you more than you can imagine / more than you can believe / you live in me and in my matter / i can’t forget you

this is one of the most romantic songs i swear to gooooddddd i think if raleigh and mc ever broke up this would be what they wrote afterwards – but also i think in general he’d write this about her without the breakup ! idk i’m just in love with this song. anyways

OKAY I’M DONE RAMBLING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS PLAYLIST !!!! this is what i’ve been listening to while i’ve been reblogging posts today !!!

[blushie14]

Language of Love [Skephalo]

You know, this was originally going to be a drawing, but I couldn't help myself! The scenario I thought of was too cute just to be a small comic! There are some sentences in French! All translations are at the bottom. Not gonna say anything else, just enjoy!

Zak was smiling like crazy as he hopped onto Minecraft. He spammed Darryl to get onto Teamspeak. He was impatient as he was fidgeting in his chair, giddy and nervous at the same time. I'm really going through with this huh?

*buddy joined your channel*

"MyEHHHH!" As soon as Darryl joined, the both of them start to greet each other back and forth in their usual manner for a little bit. "Yo!" "Skeppyyyy!" "Hi!" "Hey!" "Hiiii!" "What's up?" "Nothing much, just felt like talking to you. Can you also hop on to Minecraft?"

Darryl seemed happy to do so, since he wasn't doing much at the moment either. "Oh! Sure, what do you have in mind?" Zak thinks to himself. He only needed to talk to him so he didn't really plan anything specific to play. "Well I'm fine with whatever dude." "Hmm... Wanna go to wool wars then?" "Alright! Wool wars it is then, let's go!"

Zak already hopped on the server while Darryl was still logging in. "So, this isn't for a video, is it Skeppy?" Zak laughed, face turning a bit red. There was no way he would do this for a video, he'd die of embarrassment. "No! No, I just want to have some fun! Haha, why do you always think I'm recording?"

"Wha- Do y- What do you mean?! You always hide the fact that you're recording from me!" Zak giggles before continuing, "Dude! I'm not recording! I'm not recording, I swear!" Darryl rolled his eyes and smiled. He didn't fully believe him, but he decided to not push it any further. "Oh whatever you muffin head. Let's just start so that I can destroy you in a 1v1."

-

"aAAH! WAITWAIT NO!" Zak laughed and celebrated as Darryl screamed. He successfully knocked him off and won. "Three in a row! Bad, I'm crushing you!" Darryl growled in frustration. "I- No! You are cheating!" 

"WHAT?!" 

"You're a cheater cheater, pumpkin eater!" Zak bursts out in hysterics as the both of them bicker back and forth for a bit. "Oh my goodness, I hate you so much right now. ...Okay I don't really, but you're ticking me off!" 

Zak calmed down and laughed lightly. He sighed and mumbled, "Je t'aime." 

With help from Vincent, Zak may or may not have a list of words in French. A list of words that Zak is too scared to say to Darryl seriously upfront. So of course instead of letting Darryl know, Zak could say it out loud without having Darryl understand. Plus, he could impress him as well.

It was pretty sudden for Darryl at first. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Wait what? What did you say?" Zak giggles before he replied with a warm smile. "Je t'aime! Tu me rends tellement heureux."

Darryl's eyes lit up in awe. "Oooh! Are you speaking in French? Did a6d teach you few things?" Zak smiles and nods, "Oui~" Darryl can already feel himself burning up. Hearing Zak just simply speaking like that made him feel weird and fuzzy. He wanted to hear more and was very curious to what the previous words mean. "O... O-Okay then. So what did that mean in English?" 

"Oui means yes." "No, I already know that. I meant the words before that." Feeling sheepish, Zak nervously laughed and shook his head. "That's for me to know and for you to never find out." 

"What?!" Darryl exclaimed, a little hurt, "Why not?" "B-Because," Zak hesitated, "Tu comptes tant pour moi!" Darryl muttered under his breath, "Okay, no. I'm not gonna let you distract me. I am coming to kill you."

A few minutes into the next round and Zak sees Darryl building up in the distance. He giggles and throws an ender pearl towards him. "Tu es mingonne. Je t'aime." Darryl felt his face heat up again as he rolled his eyes. "Oh my goodnes can you sto- AHH! Skeppy no! NOO!" Zak grinned smugly as he managed to kill his opponent once again."Wow Bad, I thought you were good at Wool Wars."

"I AM good at Wool Wars! This is your fault because your fancy French talk distracted me!" Zak snickered and replied, "Je t'adore." Darryl covered his face and laughed a little. "Oh my goodness! Either stop talking French or tell me what you're saying!" 

"Ahaha! I don't want to!" Darryl huffs, "Fine! Keep being a ragamuffin." Darryl suddenly gets an idea that he should've thought of sooner. "Hang on Skeppy. I'll be right back. I'm gonna make a phone call."

"Okay, hurry back! Je t'aime!" Darryl muted his mic and picks up his phone. He dials a number and murmurs while he waits for someone to pick up, "If you won't tell me, then maybe he will."

-

Vincent ended his stream a few minutes ago and was planning on going to sleep. Before he could get up from his chair and head to bed, he heard his phone ring. He looked and sees that Darryl was calling him. He figured that it wouldn't hurt to talk to him, and picked up. "Yo Bad, what's up?"

"A6dddddd! Skeppy and I are playing Wool Wars right now. He is speaking in French and don't know what's he saying! What did you teach him to say?" There were a couple phrases that Vincent shared with many curious people that asked, especially Darryl. But since Vincent is a bit exhausted, he couldn't think of anything that he might've shared with Zak. "I'm not really sure what Skeppy is doing," Vincent yawned, "Can you at least give me an example of what he said so that I could translate?" 

"Oh my goodness, he already said a few things already though." They both stay silent for a moment until Darryl gets an idea. "Oh! If I continue talking to Skeppy, can you just tell me what he's saying if he speaks in French?" 

"Hmm... Okay, I guess I can do that." 

"Perfect! Yes, thank you. I'm on Teamspeak with him right now. I'm about to unmute my mic." He unmuted as Vincent was still on the phone, secretly listening to every word. "Hey! I'm back!" 

"Bonjour!" Vincent quietly laughed in the background as Darryl rolled his eyes in slight annoyance. "Oh my gosh, are you gonna continue speaking French the entire time we play wool wars?" 

"Hah, nope! Because I feel like playing bed wars now. Wanna team?" Darryl replied with enthusiasm "Ooh, okay!" Zak smiled at the fact that Darryl's frustration could simply vanish in an instance. He mumbled, "Je t'aime pour toujors." Before Darryl's face could burn up again, loud laughter can be heard on Darryl's phone. "Bad? Who is that?" Zak questioned, while Vincent gasps for air. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" 

"Oh my good- LANGUAGE!" Zak's heart came to a stop for a split second, "Is that a6d?" Darryl couldn't answer before a6d continued, "I'm joining Teamspeak, hold on!" 

-

It took Darryl and Zak a moment to hop over to bed wars. Zak is slightly panicking while Darryl moved Vincent to their Teamspeak. As he joined, Vincent was internally freaking out, smiling widely. "Sooo Skeppy, is this the reason why you asked me how to say I lo-" Zak immediately cut him off with a scream. "Oh my goodness! How to say what?!" Vincent tried to speak again rolling his eyes, "I told Skeppy a few different ways to say I-" 

"NAANANA!! HANYA HAAAA!!" Skeppy interrupted again, thankful that no one can see how red his face is right now. "A6d, I will literally give you 50 dollars for you to shut your mouth!" Darryl couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Seriously?! You would pay a6d not to tell me what you're saying?!" Vincent smirked, "Send it to me on PayPal." Zak let out a sigh of relief while Darryl was not a happy camper. "Wait no! I wanna know whatever the heck 'Je tem' means!" 

"You wanna know what it means? It means Skeppy is a coward, THAT’S WHAT IT MEANS!" Zak felt his face heat up as he laughs, "SHUT UP DUDE!" Darryl, being oblivious as ever, asks "Wait, why are you calling yourself a coward Skeppy?" The other two started giggling. Vincent facepalms while Zak just tries to change the subject, "We have to protect our bed, Bad come on!" Darryl sighs and yelled, "Okay! Okay! I'm collecting emeralds!"

-

A few minutes go by, and the duo were doing a decent job protecting their bed. Everything was going fine until Zak tried to go back to their base while carrying 3 diamonds. Not paying attention as much, he slipped up and fell into the void. "Oh my goodness you fatty! Why did you die?! Now we can't get heal pool!" Zak chuckled, "Tu me rends gaga." Vincent laughed, finding the situation both amusing, a little embarrassing, but kind of cute. He is also slightly cringing at Zak's pronunciation. "Oh my goodness a6d, please tell me what he said. Did he call me stupid or something?" 

"Well... he didn’t call you stupid," he snickered. Zak laughed and continued. "Les mots no peuvent pas décrire mom amour pot toi~" Vincent swore a part of him died inside as he hides his face from second-hand embarrassment. The pronunciation was a little poor to him, but apparently pleasant for the other as his face was flushed red.

"Oh my gosh, how many things did you teach him?!" Vincent only laughed in response, still hiding his face in his hands. Darryl starts to do the same, "Finishing this is going to be impossible Skeppy!" He whined becoming flustered, "because you keep acting like a potato! Tell me what you're saying right now, or stop it!" 

"Bad, all he's doing is saying 'je t'aime' differently every time." 

"But what does je t'aime mean!?"

"Tu es mingonne! Je t'aime." Darryl couldn't take it anymore. His heart couldn't take it anymore. No longer caring about the bed wars game, Darryl decided to use a last resort to find out once and for all. Google translate. Thinking he heard it enough times to say it, he grabbed his phone and asked Google.

"What does je t'aime mean in French?" Miraculously, it managed to pick up his question correctly the first time.

Je t'aime means 'I love you' in French.

-

It's as if time froze when Darryl stared at his screen, wide-eyed. He felt his face heating up more and more, coming to the realization that Skeppy was saying 'I love you' in many different ways. He didn't even notice Zak suddenly disconnecting from Teamspeak and logging out of Minecraft. He only snapped back to reality when he heard Vincent cackling.

"I-... I-... Did Skeppy leave?!" Vincent nodded while he was still laughing and shouting in the background, "FINALLY!" Darryl puts his hands to his face in disbelief. His emotions have gone haywire and it felt like his heart was bouncing all over the place. "A6d, w-what.. just happened?"

Vincent cleared his throat, "To sum it up, Skeppy was.. basically flirting with you." Vincent laughed a little more before he continued, "I honestly didn't expect him to do it in French, but I guess it was effective in the end. I had a feeling that he really liked you." Darryl was still at a loss for words. He was still trying to calm down while still looking at the 'I love you' at his phone. ...He loves me. "Sooo, do you want me to tell you what I taught h-" 

"YES!" Darryl squeaked immediately, VERY eager to translate everything Zak said to him. "Okay, but you did NOT find out those translations from me. Alright?" Darryl instantly agreed. Grinning, Vincent continued.

"I think I can remember everything I taught him, but let's start off with what I heard. So this sentence he said was a bit off: 'Les mots no peuvent pas décrire mom amour pot toi.' It literally means 'words can't describe my love for you.'

Darryl burned up as covered his mouth with both hands to suppress a squeal. "aAWW!! That’s so adorable ohmygoodness." Vincent snickered, pretending that he didn't hear the other squee over their crush. Darryl cleared his throat, apologized, and asked Vincent to continue.

-

About half an hour went by after he left the Teamspeak. Zak couldn't pull himself together as he overthinks what Darryl is even doing or thinking about. What if he thinks I'm weird? What if we aren't friends anymore? What if-

*buddy joined your channel*

"Skeppy?" Zak panicked once he heard Darryl's voice, he blurted out "Do you hate me?!" Darryl blinked in surprise, "What?! Nonono, I don't!" Zak covered his face, still feeling a bit stressed from this. "Hey, muffin. Muffin calm down. I promise I don't hate you."

Zak slowly lowered his arms, "you don't?" Darryl had a toothy grin on his face and shook his head. "Of course not.." He nervously looks down on the floor, and attempts to say as best as he can, "Tu comptes tant pour moi." Zak was surprised for a moment. He wasn't exactly expecting Darryl to speak French afterwards. It was cute. Zak smiled as relief washed over him, his face was warm as he replied back.

"Tu me rends tellement hehreux."

[End]

DISCLAIMER: I do not know any French! I only did a little research! Here are the translations:

[idreamofplaid]

Fallen - Chapter 4

Summary: Sam thought he had found happiness, but now his past is back to haunt him. Lucifer has claimed the throne of heaven, and it is his intention that Sam should finally fulfill his destiny as King of Hell.

Characters: Sam x Reader; Dean; Lucifer and Ruby mentioned

Word Count: 2413

A/N: Chapter 4 is inspired by “Castle of Glass” by Linkin Park. It is written from Sam’s POV.

Catch Up:   Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3

TAKE ME DOWN TO THE RIVER BEND, TAKE ME DOWN TO THE FIGHTING END

I’ll never forget the look on your face when I told you I couldn’t hold our son. I backed out of the room unable to take my eyes off you. When I cleared the doorway, I turned and nearly ran down the hall. Dean wasn’t far behind me. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. “What the fuck was that, Sam?”

My breath didn’t feel like it was going all the way into my lungs. “Dean, you don’t understand.”

“You’re damn right I don’t understand. Do you have any idea what you just did to Y/N? For months you avoid her while she’s carrying your kid. Do you have any idea how many nights she cried herself to sleep? Do you? Well, I do. I know because I held her when it should have been you.”

I could see Dean’s chest rising and falling, and his hand was balled into a fist by his side. I expected him to hit me. I deserved it. Instead, he kept talking.

“You pushed her away when she needed you, and even then she forgave you. I saw it in her eyes just now. But if you don’t walk back down this hall right now, I don’t know how much more forgiving she has in her.”

I didn’t want to look at him because I knew what I’d see. My big brother, that I once idolized, had never been this disappointed in me. “Dean, I can’t.”

I watched my brother rub his hand across his forehead and through his hair, disgust and disbelief on his face. “I heard that already. So did the mother of your son.” Dean looked at me the way he did when I was a kid, and I’d done something stupid; only, his look was harder this time. “The way I see it, you’ve got probably one chance to make this right. Don’t lose your family, Sammy. Don’t.”

WASH THE POISON FROM OFF MY SKIN, SHOW ME HOW TO BE WHOLE AGAIN

No monster I ever faced scared me as much as walking back into that room with you. Your focus was on our baby boy; you didn’t realize at first it was me. When you saw me, a veil fell over your eyes locking me out. You looked back down at our son without saying anything. 

“Y/N, I...I’m sorry.” The words sounded pathetic. I tried again. “For everything. Es...especially today. I can explain. I will. Later. I promise.” Our son held out his tiny arm, opening and closing his fingers. “Right now, I want to be with you. Both of you.” You tilted your chin up a little and looked at me for a long time. I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. I almost choked on the next words. What if you said no? “Can I still hold him?” I had to look away for a second. All the feelings fighting each other inside me were too much, but I looked back into your eyes. I faced you because I owed you that.

When you didn’t answer, my heart started to pound. Then you answered; your voice was incredibly strong considering what you’d been through today. “Sam, I’m not going to begin to try to understand this. I don’t know how.” Tears fell silently down your cheeks. “I carried your son without you being there to feel him kick or you being there to lie awake with me at night talking about the dreams we had for him. I had those alone. But he is your son, and I won’t keep him from you.” 

I turned my attention to the baby. He was making happy sounds while you held him close. “Are you sure, Sam? You have to be sure.” You kissed his forehead and whispered to him. The fierce, protective love roared to life in me again. It overpowered my shame. I walked forward, held my arms out, and waited. 

You carefully gave him to me. It was the first time I’d held a baby so small, so new to life. And he was mine, my son.

WARM ME UP IN A NOVA’S GLOW AND DROP ME DOWN TO THE DREAM BELOW 

Our little boy fell asleep in my arms. I looked from his face to yours. Your eyes were filled with tears again. I couldn’t pretend this was only the happiness it should have been. You brushed the tears away before they could fall, and I put the baby down in the cradle you’d found for him then hesitantly stepped toward your bed. “Y/N, I...should have been here.”

“Just tell me why you weren’t. The truth. All of it. I can’t trust you if you won’t share something that big with me. Something that would keep you away from me. From us. I need to know you won’t do this again. I need to believe it.” You couldn’t stop the tears from falling. 

I sat down next to you and started to wipe away your tears. You put your hand on my forearm to stop me. “Sam, please, I can’t get used to that again just for you to take it away.” You dropped your hand. “I can’t do it again.”

I got up and sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. It was as close as I could be to you right now. If I was near you, I would want to touch you. I’d practically feel compelled to do it. What I had witnessed today made me feel more protective of you than ever. “I...I don’t really know where to start.” 

“Start with Ruby. Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?” 

I wrapped one of my hands over the other and squeezed pulling my fingers across the back of it. “I’m ashamed of that, what I did with her.” I looked in the direction of our sleeping baby. “I didn’t want you to know.”

I found a spot on the wall and stared at it. “I never cared about her. I was lost and desperate. I thought Dean was dead. He’d gone to hell to save me, and I couldn’t get him out. I tried everything, but I couldn’t even sell my soul.”

I had to look at you for the next part, as hard as it was to say. It was the truth you wanted. “The sex made me forget for a little while. So did the blood, and I thought it was making me strong. I thought it was making me strong enough to right a wrong I couldn’t right. I told myself I was helping people. The truth is I was just an addict with my mind twisted up. I was addicted to her...just like the blood.”

“So, when you went with her...”

“No, Y/N, no. I didn’t want anything from her.” I shook my head like that would somehow help me make you believe. 

You looked so strong and beautiful, even though your body was tired and your heart was sore. You had just given me a son, and I still saw love in your eyes in spite of everything I’d put you through. I didn’t think; I just went to you. I sat on the bed next to you and took both your hands in mine. You let me; you didn’t pull away. 

“Y/N, I never wanted to leave you. She would have hurt you. That’s the only reason I went with her...to keep her away from you.” Our son made contented sounds while he slept, oblivious to the storm of emotions surrounding his parents.

“I was scared, Sam. Scared you wanted her again, then scared I’d never see you again, and you’d never even know about the baby.” Your voice was breaking as you said it, and you started to cry. 

CAUSE I’M ONLY A CRACK IN THIS CASTLE OF GLASS, HARDLY ANYTHING THERE FOR YOU TO SEE

I held you and cried with you. I had caused your pain.

BRING ME HOME IN A BLINDING DREAM, THROUGH THE SECRETS THAT I HAVE SEEN 

It had been a month. Gradually, you had started trusting me again. We named our baby Jacob Dean. Jacob because you had wanted to name your son Jacob since you were sixteen, and Dean because he’d stood by both of us when we needed him. 

Saying how sorry I was only meant so much; I had to show you. I needed to prove to you I wouldn’t hide anything else which meant telling you a little more each day about the things I had done when I was taking demon blood. It meant telling you about Lucifer, telling you I had been seeing him for months. I told you the things he said to me about what a wonderful Queen of Hell you’d make. I told him to fuck off, and that made him mad. He said he could break me. The deal he offered me was that he would stay away from you if I did. So, if I didn’t want him to pull you to hell with me when the time came I had to keep my distance. 

Since Jacob was born, there had been no more contact from Lucifer. I started to feel like it was safe to be around you again. I’d been spending more time in your room. I hadn’t stayed all night or even kissed you, except for the slightest touch of my lips to your face or hand. But more and more we were touching each other, being intimate again. 

One night we were sitting on the bed, our backs propped on pillows against the headboard. My arm was around your waist, and your head was on my shoulder. Our fingers were laced together on top of my stomach, and you were soft in my arms. I could feel how relaxed you were. 

I kissed you just above your ear, your soft hair under my lips and tightened my hold around your waist, pulling you closer. I whispered against the side of your head liking the way your hair felt on my mouth. “I’ve missed this, being in bed holding you, sleeping next to you.”

“I’ve missed it too.” You turned your body toward me and put your leg over mine. “Stay with me tonight, Sam. Sleep next to me again.” I kissed you then for the first time in months. I touched my lips softly to yours, holding back what I wanted to give you, what I wanted to show you.  I could feel your hands on my chest. My breath caught in my throat. The taste of you had stayed with me; it was still the same. I kissed you as slowly as I could, holding the moment.

When the kiss ended, you found my hand again and held onto it. You looked right into my eyes. “I need you with me again, Sam. In every way, I need you with me.” I cupped your cheek in my hand and kissed you again, deeper this time. Still, I held back. I didn’t want to spook you or seem like I felt entitled to have you again.

My tongue teased against your lips, and you opened your mouth to me. I slipped my tongue inside, circling it around yours. My heart beat faster. The more it seemed like this was actually going to happen, the more nervous I got. I put my hand back on your waist, your top rode up so that my hand was touching your bare skin. I moved my tongue a little faster, sinking it into the warmth of your mouth.

You shifted, rolling over to your back. I followed, continuing to kiss you and covering your body with mine. Your hand went around my neck, and you held me there while you nibbled on my bottom lip. 

Then I felt you push against my chest. My heart was pounding. Had you changed your mind? But you weren’t pushing me away. Your eyes were dark, and your lips were slightly parted. I knew that look. You grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head then lay back on the pillows.

I pressed my nose against the sweet, soft spot on your neck below your cheek and  breathed in your scent when I moved my mouth down to kiss your collar bone. My head dipped down farther to kiss the top of your breast and around your nipple before I sucked it into my mouth. I slid my hand down into your sleep shorts, found your clit, and rubbed it while I circled my tongue over your nipple. 

Your fingers were grasping my shoulder, and it wasn’t long before you were panting and saying, “Sam. Sam, I’m going to come.”

I moved my mouth to your other breast. “Do it. Give yourself to me.”

Your fingers grasped me tighter. “No. I want to come with you inside me. Please.”

I pulled your shorts down your legs and took off all my clothes. I was completely hard and more than ready to give you exactly what you wanted. I closed my eyes, and my mouth fell open when I entered you. After a few shallow thrusts, I started pushing in deep. You tightened around me when your orgasm ripped through you. 

You held onto me, and I kept thrusting deep. When you climaxed again, I came with you. It was a long time before I moved. I wanted to stay inside you as long as I could. 

I’M ONLY A CRACK IN THIS CASTLE OF GLASS 

Once I moved, you immediately curled into a ball with your back to me. I put my hands on your shoulder and back. I didn’t understand what was happening. “Y/N, honey, what is it.”

I could hear you crying, and your words broke my heart. “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”

Gently, I turned you toward me and wrapped you into my arms. “I’m here, Y/N. Right here. I love you. I will always love you.”

Your hands were balled into fists against my chest. “Promise me you won’t go, Sam” 

This new pain tore through my heart, and I kissed the top of your head. “I will fight anyone or anything to stay with you, Y/N. Anyone or anything.”

Everything Forever: @gambitwinchester @princessmisery666 @onethirstyunicorn @peridottea91 @logical-princey @emilyshurley @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @fangirlxwritesx67 @waywardbaby @atc74 @ledzeppelinsbonzo @shaniquacynthia @mariekoukie6661 @tumbler-tidbits @67-chevy-baby @fandom-princess-forevermore @terrarium-jpeg @emoryhemsworth @crashdevlin @heycasbutt @jules-1999 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @cosicas-cuquis @sammyimpala-67 @queenoftheunderdark @dean-winchesters-bacon @mrs-meghan-winchester @timelordy-fangirl2 @sweetness47 @hobby27 @awesomesusiebstuff @kickingitwithkirk @gh0stgurl @neveratease @becs-bunker @sandlee44 @supernaturalgrandma @lonewolf471 @sea040561 @dawnie1988 @maddiepants @volleyballer519 @outcastedangel @iknowwheremytowelis @kdfrqqg @lizette50 @daisymoder72 @sorenmarie87 @oldfreakything 

Sam/Jared Love: @girl-next-door-writes @stunudo @feelmyroarrrr @theychosefamily @winchesterxfamilybusiness @idabbleincrazy @evansrogerskitten @focusonspn @i-joined-social-media-finally @wingledsam @autumninavonlea @spnxbsessed​ @durinsbride​ @deansyahtzee​ @wendibird​ @fantasy-shadows​ @team-free-will-you-idjiot​ @waywardnerd67​ @neii3n​ @fullmooner​ @supernatural-took-me-over​ @julesthequirky​ 

Fallen: @stephaniecanfield96us​ @petitgateau911​

[samcrobae]

Wine, Part III (crossover?)

WARNING: mention of miscarriage, language, mention of abortion.

“Keep him close, kid” Bishop tapped EZ on the arm. “I’m outta here. Gilly, Coco, Creep, with me.” The three walk out the front door with Bishop. “What’s up Jefe?” Coco asked.

“This is going to break him. Find her. Get her to come back. I’ve had enough of the Reyes family bullshit and I want it done. The guys a fuckin flight risk.”

“Yeah aight” coco replied. She works at that law firm on the corner off 9th. I’ll stop by there tomorrow see if she shows.”

“No, I want you on her. Creep, find out if she has any other contacts in Santo Padre. Surrounding cities, towns, I don’t care. Gilly, you go to her office tomorrow see if she’s there. Let me know what you find.”

————————————

Coco pulled up outside of your old condo as he saw you getting into your car. He followed you for a couple hours, sure to stay far enough behind so that you wouldn’t notice. Passing up the town sign he let out a “Charming? what the fuck?” He stopped just half a block away from you as he watched you pull into the lot. “Teller-Morrow Automotives”.

“What the fuck are you doing with SAMCRO girl...” coco whispered to himself. He waited about 45 minutes til you pulled out of the lot and left. “Shit.”

————————————-

Coco had followed you for a few days, everything was as normal. You’d leave your condo everyday at 8:15, stop for coffee, head into the office, and head home at 4:30. Back at the scrapyard Coco, Creep, Gilly, and Bishop talked amongst themselves.

“I don’t know Jefe, something ain’t sittin right with me, her going to SAMCRO. For what? If Angel knew about this-”

“He won’t know anything til he needs to. Coco, Creep, go down to Teller-Morrow, pay our white boys a friendly visit. Gilly, check up on the prospect and Angel. Hey- I mean it Coco. Friendly visit.”

———————————————

Pulling into the lot, Quinn notices the uninvited visitors. “Jax! Mayans.” Throwing on his kutte he walks out with Chibs at his side. Coco and Creeper park their bikes and cut the engines. “Think you’re lost, Ese. Little Mexico’s that way.” Jax says as he takes a cigarette between his lips and lights it. Coco steps forward and Creeper puts his hand on his arm and shakes his head in disagreement.

Coco lets out a sigh , “Looking for Y/N. I know she’s been here. Why?”

Jax takes a step toward Coco and looks at Chibs. “What the hell does a Mayan want with Y/N?”

“Need to talk to her. Family shit.”

“Family? Well you’re lookin at it Vato. Now get back on your bikes and go home to your beans and tortillas. I’m sure whatever she has going on doesn’t concern you.”

Coco and Creeper look at each other, a look of confusion drawn on their faces.

“You sure bout that Guero?” Coco asked. “Might wanna talk to the father of her child about that. Since she’s got a little Mayan in her.”

Chibs and Jax look at each other, a look of worry and confusion spread on their faces. “What the fuck?” Jax’s neck vein about to burst, he motions to Chibs. “Find Lyla and get her out here now.”

“Aye. LYLLAAAAAAA” Chibs shouts from the parking lot. Lyla and Chucky come running out of the clubhouse and see the Mayans stopped in front of Jax. “Shit.” Lyla whispered under her breath.

“Can I help?” Chucky asked.

Jax looked at Lyla before replying “Chucky take a walk.”

He nods his head. “I accept that”. And walks back into the clubhouse. Jax looked at Lyla and placed his hand on her arm. “Now I’m only gonna ask you this once darlin. When Y/N came in the other day she was looking for you. Why?” Lyla nervously looks at coco from the corner of her eye. “WHY!!” Jax yells.

“She came in and told me she was pregnant. With a Mayan’s baby. Said shit was heavy.” Lyla began. Coco spoke up “yeah what else she tell you? She go into detail? Tell you anything she shouldn’t have?” He clenched his jaw together.

“Hey!” Jax shoved Coco, “if you lay a fuckin hand on Y/N I will cut your Mexican heart out and have Coco tacos for dinner.” “Jackie...." Chibs warned.

Lyla continued, “she didn’t say anything I swear. Came in looking for the name of the doctor I used for my abortion. I gave her the info but I haven’t heard from her since. She’s torn. But wanted the information so I gave it to her. She’s not returning my calls or my texts.”

“Jesus Christ you’re swapping recipes and abortion secrets now?” Chibs asked. Creeper looked at Lyla. “You got a number for her?”

“Yeah it’s in my phone I’ll go get it.”

Coco looks at Jax, who now looks hurt and mad at the same time. “Sorry Ese, hope you didn’t have a chubby for Y/N. Guess she just liked that chorizo sausage a little more eh?”

Seconds later Lyla returns with a piece of paper in hand. That’s her cell. She took the next few days off work. So she might be at her condo. She was supposed to sell it but I don’t know if she ever even put it on the market.”

“Yeah thanks. You fellas have a nice day.” Coco and Creeper get back on their bikes and head out of charming and head straight to your place.

————————————-

You get to the top of your stairs when something doesn’t look right.. your lock had clearly been messed with. There was a screw on the floor. Nervous, you slowly crept into your front door, nothing seemed out of place , nothing taken. You head to your living room and see Coco sat on your couch. You let out a quick scream and realize it’s him. “My bad.” Coco said.

“What the fuck Coco! Why are you here?” You and coco went back and forth like spitfire, question after question thrown like darts at a dartboard.

“Why did you leave?”

“Did Angel send you?”

“Why were you at TM?”

“Are you following me?”

“Did you get that doctor info you needed?”

“How long have you been following me?”

“Why did that guy at TM have no fingers?”

“What do you want coco?”

“How the fuck do you know Jax Teller?”

Silence hung in the air as Coco basically spit that question out to you and if his words could slap you across the face, those would have. You sat down on the ottoman diagonal to your couch. “I need some answers here Chiquita. You destroyed my hermano and I had to watch it happen. We all did. You need to start talking.” Coco sat back in your couch and placed his hands behind his head.

You let out a loud sigh and placed your hands in your lap. “I was feeling... off. Not myself for a few weeks. I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t shake the feeling. My periods are funky so I didn’t think anything of it. Angel and I had been seeing each other a few months, but man. We fucked like rabbits. I took a pregnancy test and for a small moment Coco, I was excited. I have loved Angel for so long and there’s no doubt he’d be such a good dad. But when. Realized we’d be raising a child in the middle of all of this..."

“You panicked.” Coco finished the sentence for you.

“I know who he is, the shit happening in the club. And I accept it. All of it and I accept him. I know this is who he is. I can’t ask him to choose. Anyway, I went to talk to Lyla to get the doctor she went to for her abortion. I went to the doctor and I’m further along than I thought. 13 weeks. And , as soon as I saw that baby on the screen, coco I left. I couldn’t do it.”

“And SAMCRO?” He asked.

“My mom was a friend of the family. But when she left me, Gemma took me in. Made sure I had a roof over my head, went to school, got a job and stayed off the streets.”

“Teller?” Coco looked at you.

“Jackson and I ... we.. we were a thing for a minute. I loved him. And he loved me. We wanted to get married, have kids. I got pregnant my junior year of high school. Jax was already out by then. He was over the moon. Then one night I woke up in a puddle of my own blood. I lost the baby. But I was a kid ya know. I don’t know. Then a year after graduation, I left. Didn’t say a word to anyone about it. I kept in contact with Jax but we didne share the intimate details of our lives anymore. I had no idea how deep he was in it with the club, had no idea I was with Angel. Didn’t know I’m pregnant”.

“When you went to see Lyla, was he there?”

“Yeah, we kept our distance. I just needed to talk to someone who had been through it. Someone who isn’t Gemma. Lyla had Ope. She understood.” You felt the tears roll down your cheeks. “I didn’t mean to hurt Angel. Embarrass him in front of his family. I didn’t know what to do."

“Walking out ain’t it Chiquita. This shit with the club is enough to fuck anyone up. Angel? He’s seen some shit. He’s done some shit. All he wants in this life is a place to call home. That’s you. This ain’t for the faint of heart. If you’re gonna be in this, then you’re in this. There’s no half in, half out, get advice from other MCs, walking out on my viejo, not knowing what you wanna do shit. If you’re in this, go home. To Angel. Fix this shit eh? But you need to know that you pulling this shit is never an option. If you ain’t, then get rid of that baby and just leave. And if what Angel said is true, YOU asked him to stay. He did.”

Coco sat up and motioned at Creeper it was time to go. He looked back at you before leaving out the front door. You dropped your face in your hands and sat in silence for what felt like hours before grabbing your keys and purse and heading to your car.

@mrsamaroevans @cind-in-real-life

[parasympathic]

SELF PARA 002.

[ isa 💕 → monty ] sel’s already here but you’re welcome to join us...? 😁 

It was, objectively speaking, a terrible idea. For a number of reasons that came quickly and didn’t require any great amount of overthinking on Montgomery’s part this time. If it were only Isabel, there wouldn’t be a question, a promised bottle of Patron that he’d offered to bring to her tonight, a long overdue escape that he thought they both might need. Drinking with Selwyn, however, carried a number of complications, even if it was solely for her status within the Magistrate. A string he’d already pulled on a few times, bullets dodged thanks to sympathies she pretended she didn’t have. Which still didn’t make it wise to let go of his firmly held self control, not in front of a telepath or a friend, when there was an expansive list of secrets he carried, both damning and personal. 

There was one reason stacked against it, a side effect of the forced distance between himself and Emil. One he hadn’t anticipated, because it had never been a problem before, not really. He might have had a strained relationship with sleep, a tendency to overthink that kept him up until strange hours of the morning, but he’d learned to function on the bare minimum. It was time alone that was disappointing, sure, but it wasn’t an overwhelming kind, at least it wouldn’t have been before. 

Before the Institute. Before cuffs around his wrist and white walls around him, memories that crept into his thoughts when he was staring up at the ceiling in an empty bed, finding himself stretching his mind out to move the bed, or a book, or anything so long as he could assure some irrational part of his mind that there wouldn’t be a blue flare across the ceiling the second he did. Memories that found those cracks in his unconscious mind, a few confusing moments when he first awoke that he couldn’t remember where he was. A brief second of panic, of his heart pounding as he tried to blink the grit from his eyes and focus on his bedroom. Bed empty, but his, scars on his wrists, but no cuffs.

It was a reassurance that got him through the day, but hadn’t helped the last three nights, and it left him staring at his phone for a moment before he replied.

[ monty → isa 💕 ] be there in twenty, chérie. 

The game was never have I ever, and after the first three shots Montgomery decided it had been chosen with the specific purpose of fucking with him. Enough sins already shared between the two women sitting around the table with him that he suspected most of what they said was either an inside joke, or in Selwyn’s case, a chance to figure out just how much Monty had changed. Because she’d recognized a shift in him as much as he had in her, pinpointing it the first time he’d seen her at the Pit, just by the way he smiled. Even if she didn’t know why he hadn’t before, even if she didn’t know why it hurt to hear himself called a robot. And maybe it was because she’d paid more attention, because Dom had looked up to him, but not at him, and Dev might’ve forced her hobbies on him, but she’d found him boring.

“Never have I ever been arrested.” Isabel’s offering, accompanied by a muted grin in his direction. His response an easy roll of his eyes before he tossed the shot back, aware that there were three empty glasses hitting the table afterwards.

“Why Dr. Monty, I’m shocked.” Selwyn, putting a hand to her chest and looking at him with mock surprise. “Scandalized even.”

“Are you though?” Brow raised in a challenge before he nodded his head to the dark haired woman on his left. “We have the same friend.” A point proven solely by the ease of his posture, back against the chair and Isabel’s feet crossed and resting in his lap. Palm curved around her shin with easy affection he didn’t give most.

Something just as endearing in the way she cursed him afterwards. “Hijo de puta I did that for you.”

“Oh, I know, that’s why it’s funny.” A grin flashed at her that dissolved into a laugh as she kicked at his knee, and a memory of a holding cell that shouldn’t have left him with so much warm fondness sitting on his chest.

It didn’t surprise him when the game started devolving into questions of love and sex and heartbreak, and he lost track of how many he tossed back alongside them. Ignoring that three months ago he wouldn’t have been able to drink to half of them, heartsick before, but never heartbroken, a list of lovers but never in love. Somewhere along the line it drowned out some of his fear, leaving a secret out on the table among empty shot glasses. One he’d kept so long he thought it had become part of him, but there was something liberating about leaving it on the cutting room floor.

"It makes sense,” said Sel. A response that had Monty lifting a brow, a tone far too innocent as she toyed with a shot glass. “No wonder you were so oblivious to my charms.”

It made him laugh, something too relieved in the sound, head resting against the back of the chair. “Obviously. The only reason.” Because some secrets were easier to let go of than others, and he found this one didn’t hurt as much as he’d feared.

He was still grateful when they broke for food, a chance to let the tequila settle, Isa complaining about the poor quality of her weed before she remembered why, and he blamed both the liquor and the smoke hanging thick in the air instead of her for the bluntness that followed. “Tell your boyfriend to stop avoiding me.” 

“We’re too old to pass notes, chérie.” Said as gently as he could, not wanting to sit in the middle even while feeling as though it was a space he firmly occupied.

“Dile a ese cabrón, stop being a little bitch.” A curse accompanied by a gesture of the lighter, and he knew he was drunk because he found himself biting back a laugh, even while fully aware it wasn’t funny. That his trust wasn’t the only one left shattered, too many messages in her phone that Monty hadn’t written, and if there was the faint prick of guilt that he might’ve helped ruin something between them, he couldn’t remember how to lie to her, or if he even wanted to.

It left him with a quiet longing, missing the man abruptly when he’d managed to keep himself distracted most of the night. Not for any comfort he wanted to steal, but for the absence of him, the certainty that Emil would fit easily into place around the table with them. A familiar fantasy of their lives intertwining, and after a moment he pulled himself to his feet and reached for his phone.

Monty didn’t regret the decision to call Emil, not while he was on the phone with him. It wasn’t until after, sitting there on Isabel’s fire escape with nothing but the quiet sound of voices and laughter behind him and the distant hum of a car in the distance that it finally set in. Trying to replay a conversation where already the details were slipping away, and he was just left with a growing unease and the ache in his chest, a quiet voice swearing that he’d somehow fucked up. Sinking guilt following when he thought it was for the conversation itself, Emil miles away and trying to balance his life and his family. He didn’t need Montgomery falling apart.

He was slow to untangle himself from his place on the metal grate, vertigo hitting him hard and leaving him with a hand pressing against the side of her building to keep himself steady. A brief laugh following, an instinctive reaction that lacked real humor, and then he was trying to navigate his way back through the window.

It went worse this time, one leg getting caught on the edge, body tilting to compensate for it, and ending with Monty on his back staring up at Isabel’s ceiling with one foot still sticking out into the cold air. He heard laughter somewhere behind him but he didn’t look back, a distant awareness of burning in his eyes and the sensation of something stuck in his throat. Making it harder to breathe, to talk, to think, and he couldn’t tell if it was regret or despair.

Only that it hit in waves, his own voice in his head, am I different?

Do you want to be the same?

The answers slipping in easier now, one after another, when he wasn’t trying to hold onto something more fragile through the thin connection of a phone call. I just don’t want to be weaker. I don’t want to be ruined. I don’t want to feel that powerless ever again. I don’t want nightmares and I don’t want fear and I don’t want to wake up and not remember where I am. I don’t want to wonder if everything good about myself already got destroyed years ago and if Hugo just finished the job.

I want to know who I am.

Monty’s palms pressed against his eyes, self restraint doing a poor job of holding himself together when there was so much tequila stripping it away, so he tried to cling to it with the pressure of his hands and desperate, steadying breaths that got cut off again when it just left room for something worse to slip through. Every memory he’d tried to put aside, to strip whatever useful information he could before discarding them, a month of his life that still clung to him like smoke. A logical dissection of events and an illogical shaking of his frame, trying to hold in the wretched sob that wanted to rip from his chest, because what good is that? 

“Monty?” Isabel’s voice breaking through first before he felt fingers in his hair, a soothing comfort that he flinched away from before settling under her touch. “Hey. What happened? What did he say to you?” 

“No, no, he didn’t do anything wrong.” Words that came quickly and thoughtlessly, escaping somewhere between ragged breaths to stall any anger before it came. Even if it felt like a blatant lie after it was past his lips, because Emil had left one of the deepest scars, that feeling of betrayal, of trust shattering, one he hadn’t given blindly, but with too much hope. And the man had burned it all down, maybe destroyed them both, and it left Monty with too much hurt pressing down on his chest, a brutal crushing ache in both heart and his lungs that wasn’t just for himself, his prison stark and white, Emil’s looking like a rotting mockery of his own bedroom. 

He didn’t know if he could forgive, but he’d wanted to forget, and found it still all too close the second he stopped packing those wounds with something golden and kinder. Reaching out his hand to grasp at her arm, the other dragging across his face again, trying to ignore the warm wetness slipping down his cheeks, a memory of sitting on his couch trying to stem the same flood. “Can you just... hug me?” 

There was no hesitation, just Isabel shifting behind him, pulling his head into her lap and arms curving around his shoulders. A comfort that made the shaking of his frame worse before it got better, fingers tight around her arm and wishing he could explain to either of them why he was crying. But if Emil had told him to talk about it, he couldn’t find the words, just the distant awareness of a wound that hadn’t healed and her voice, telling him “I’m here.” 

His awareness of Selwyn was just as removed, barely aware of her settling down on the carpet next to him. None of the same easy affections given, but after a moment her hand settled on his shoulder, her voice “do you want to see more of memories of you?” and no real chance given to answer before the world faded away.

Isabel’s living room was made black, soft and encompassing, like dreamless sleep, a darkness that Montgomery felt himself sinking into. Warmer for the comforting contrast to stark white, muscles untensing and going liquid as he stretched out onto the carpet. Wondering if he didn’t fall asleep in the brief moment before nothingness and the sudden emergence of memories, cast in bright technicolor even if his own were black and white. An intense projection of thought, of someone else’s life, none of the images belonging to him, and he didn’t know if it was comforting to see it all again, but he thought it was meant to be.

Because there was a version of himself in Selwyn’s memory, the version she saw, of someone calm and composed even as a child. Always the babysitter when he was older than the rest, always the one taping up wounds and skinned knees, and there was a flicker of his own memory in the back of his head, putting them on his own scrapes and scars too, but alone in the bathroom. A version of himself he’d thought was so dissonant from who he was now, but there was too much familiar, beyond the simple physicality of the boy in her memory. The starkest difference in the eyes, because they looked impossibly vacant, and part of him wondered distantly how she hadn’t seen it, how no one had seen it, why no one could hear him silently screaming when he’d still been young and new. It was a feeling that was all too familiar, like it had echoed through the years until history repeated itself, taking new form; how did no one notice I was gone?

The tug on curled locks distracted him, tipping his head back to see a smile so much brighter on Isabel’s lips as she watched the images around them, invited in by the woman who controlled them. “Look how young you were. Look at your hair,” she said. A different echo this time, like family, like a mother sharing stories about her only son, the warm smell of coffee and old books. And those were present too, an image of a lanky, teenage version of himself, still curled in a chair with a book in his lap before he was interrupted. He closed his eyes briefly to hold onto it, to hold onto Isabel, letting the world shift on its axis beneath his spine, the kind of vertigo that made him wonder if he wasn’t in danger of spilling off the earth altogether. A distant, nostalgic ache that always came with missing a home that he’d never had. 

And he knew when it faded, light pressing against his eyelids before she was prodding him gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, blinking away the darkness and left staring up at the ceiling that was too bright in comparison, but he reached out, floating the bottle of tequila off the table. Thoughtless and casual and his, no flicker of blue, no yawning emptiness greeting him in place of his gift. He wasn’t trapped, not in a cell, not in his own home, not by anything but chains of his own making, and if he’d changed, if he was different, it wasn’t the first time. A painful echo of empty eyes looking back at him, and he finally nodded his head. Tilting it back to look up at her, a grateful squeeze of her arm. 

“No,” he said. “But I feel a little better.” Sitting up slowly, hand reaching out for the bottle as it drifted into his grasp, a swig straight from it before he turned and passed it to Selwyn like quieter gratitude. Letting the taste of something sharp and sweet ease the dull and distant ache in his chest when he couldn’t quite name its form. If it was for what he’d lost or never had, if it was for who he’d never become and who he wished he was, for a moment all he had was another memory, her voice somewhere in the back of his head, and he didn’t know if it held hope or just another hurt. Although, who knew you would change so much, after all these years, making jokes and all. No longer quite the robot.

Despite his assurances, Monty didn’t feel better, not right away. Tequila that was compromising his faculties, but kept him hovering on that line between bleak despair and a reckless, boundless happiness that he’d wanted to hold onto. A quieter thought that he’d wanted to share that with Emil more than anything, a version of himself that didn’t carry cuffs around his wrists or the scars from it, but he’d warned the man about delusion and he should’ve known better. There was more comfort from simply passing the bottle around like he was back in college again, the first time he hadn’t felt like an outsider staring in from behind two way glass. 

“I want ice cream.” Decided abruptly, unsure if it was true until he was saying it.

And that was how Montgomery Lacroix ended up in the Circle K sometime after midnight, a mess of snacks and ice cream scattered across the counter, and Sel plopping down a slushie next to it. “It’s not a Slurpee,” she said. “But it’ll do.” 

This time the nostalgia made him laugh, something easy and simple from his childhood that didn’t demand anything more complex, a joy so small it hadn’t been worth stripping away from him, and he nodded his head at her once it settled into an easy grin. “Get me one too, yeah? The blue flavor.” Turning afterward to the poor kid working behind the counter, a little wide eyed as he stared at the three of them. Finding himself unconcerned for now about whatever rumors spread tomorrow, the kind of thing he’d always avoided and always feared, never letting anyone see a single crack in the man he’d made himself into. 

Ones that might all be on display, but there was something just as liberating in how little he cared, even if it was courage fueled by tequila. “Can I get... stop...” the words broken up by a short laugh and Isabel tucking sunglasses into place over his ears, grinning at her reflection in the red and orange lenses. “A pack of Camels,” he tried gain. “And these too, apparently.” Gesturing vaguely at his face, and if his eyes were hidden he decided it was enough for tonight just to know they were no longer empty and vacant.

[astrohawritings]

I Have Your Heart (part one)

Rating; Fluff?

Warning ⚠️; None

Pairing; Moonbin X reader

Plot; (credit to _writing_ideas_ on Instagram) "You know I wear my heart on my sleeve."

"No! You know..you know it's not yours. It's my heart and you took it."

"I'm sorry you still feel that way."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'You know I wear my heart on my sleeve.'

'No! You know... You know it's not yours. It's my heart, and you took it.'

'I'm sorry you still feel that way.'

To anyone else, this simple exchange of dialogue would bring one answer clearer than the others; You had been in a relationship and had broken up, but you still harboured feelings for the man before you.

But they would be wrong.

The man before you- Moonbin - and yourself hadn't broken up, nor had you ever dated in the first place. You hadn't even really been friends before the..incident. But, you had lived in the same neighbourhood as children. Your families had been friends and frequently had dinner at each others houses. You had spoken a few times though, and you could hazily remember telling Moonbin that you wanted to live forever. And he had remembered.

When he was approached by some unidentifiable supernatural being, telling him that he would be spared (from what, he still doesn't know) and could live forever, but he had to chose someone to bear the burden with him, he instantaneously thought of you. The catch of the offer? He had to take their heart and wear it on his sleeve forever.

Moonbin decided that either way you would be the one he chose.

So, one day, he confronted you with a few other people you'd never seen before, apologising softly. Then, with a noise and a jolt of pain, your heart was out of your body, a quickly healing wound on the left side of your chest the only thing clueing you in to what had just happened. Your jaw hung open, looking at your heart, now sitting on Moonbin's sleeve.

There were no words for the apologetic look on his face as the other people outlined what your life would be like, you’d stop aging, yadda yadda. Then they dismissed themselves, leaving you both in silence. After countless moments of glaring from you and meek blubbering from him, you spun on your heel. 'I'm going home.' You snapped, not giving Moonbin time to speak. But as you got home, you found that you had no way in, and nothing was working.

Your keys fit the door, but they were useless in unlocking it. The back door wouldn't open no matter how much you willed it. The phone line cut out just as you were telling the locksmith your address.. And it did so everytime you tried. Slumping down on your front step and ignoring the stubborn tears wetting your cheeks, you yelled in frustration. Then, you allowed yourself to cry.

But it was different this time. Because unlike other times, where you could feel your heart hammering against the confines of your ribcage, there was an extremely apparent absence of that pounding. It didn't hurt, and there was no evidence of you literally not having a heart. No scar, no mark, no nothing. And you were still alive and functioning. Was all of this a fever dream that you'll wake up from soon? You sure hoped so. Just as you were muttering about how it'll probably rain soon, that it's just your luck, a certain man wandered up, head turned down, and tall body slouched in something like fear.

'What, Moonbin?' You snapped, covering your face with your hands. 'Listen, I'm sorry. But they, they approached me. They told me that I'd be spared from something if I obeyed and chose someone to live with me. You always said you wanted to live forever, so I though of-' Your sigh cut him off to see you standing up, peering at him through teary eyes. 'Spared? They? Live forever?'

'I don't know!' He wailed in frustration. 'It sounded bad, so I agreed. I-I should've asked you, but I got caught up in the moment and-'

'Shut up.' You sighed in defeat. 'What happened...happened. It's over now.' You glanced around, throwing a glare over your shoulder at your door, still stubbornly closed. 'I'd ask if you'd like to come in, but my door has decided that it will not open today.'

Moonbin, feeling that you were in a bit of a better mood (or so he thought), and wanted to try something. 'Did you offer the door a puppy?' You squinted at him, brain drawing a blank. 'Huh?'

'A Puppy. Did you offer the door a puppy? If I were a door, and someone offered me a puppy, I'd do whatever they wanted me to.' Moonbin explained, moving the stray strands of hair tickling his eyelids away while talking. You couldn't help but laugh, ending it with a sigh. With a shrug and a sudden urge to humour him, you turned toward the door a bit more. 'Jeez. I didn't think of that.' Softly so that you wouldn't alert any of the people wandering by, but loud enough for Bin to hear, you offer your inanimate front door, a puppy. You offered the cutest puppy to the door, yet it stayed closed.

'Huh. Usually works for my door. C'mon, I'll show you if you want.' Seeing as he didn't live that far away, you nodded, hesitantly gathering your things and following the man. 'I really am sorry.' He muttered, glancing briefly at your heart, still resting on his sleeve and beating away softly, as though it never left it's warm enclosure. You shook your head. 'Stop it. It's done now, and I guess I'll just have to get used to not having one. God forbid something happens to me and they need to find my pulse.' After a pause, you spoke again. 'Bin, the people said that neither of us will age after this, right?'

Bin nodded, tucking his hands into the pockets of his loose work out pants. 'Then what about dating? You can't date someone for too long. It'll get weird if they're aging and you're not.' It was like you were Bin's young child, asking your father about the world, and deep in thought as you trailed behind him, kicking at the concrete beneath your feet with each step.

'You'll trip yourself up if you keep doing that,' He murmured, wistfully looking into the distance. 'And I suppose that's true. Dating will be hard from now on. So will life. Every lifetime where we would die, we'll have to change our identities. Or..maybe not. We'll just have to see.'

You smirked at him, picking up both your speed and your feet. 'What if we dated each other. I mean, we both know what's going on and if we have to change identities, perhaps it would be easier to say we're married. It'll make it easier on both of us if we are. Then we're not looking at other people. Only at each other.' You were playing, to a certain extent. But you were also serious. Bin seemed to pick up your seriousness but not the playfulness, stopping and staring at you. 'You want to marry me? The person who just made your life- Fine. Let's date, then marry. You have a point, after all.' His sweet smile made its appearance, eyes softening into little crescents.

You spluttered in a flustered manner, gulping in air like a fish out of water. You hadn't expected Moonbin to take you seriously. He started walking again, pushing open the little gate that separated the footpath you'd just been following and the dainty little walkway that lead up to his front door. Your legs took over when he looked back at you, still holding the gate. 'Are you coming in?' You recovered, clearing your throat. 'Why'd you hold the gate? I can open it and let myself through.' You mumbled. Moonbin chuckled. 'My apologies for trying to be a gentleman. It won't happen again.' He mocked, holding the rim of an imaginary top hat between his thumb and first finger, tucking one leg behind the other and bowing.

His laughter bubbled out again when you shoved at him, pulling a face. Bin pulled out his keys, unlocking his door with ease. To humour you, as he did so, he murmured to the door about a puppy. The cutest puppy ever, he called it. Turning back to you, he shrugged. 'Told you the puppy thing worked.' He smirked, raising an eyebrow teasingly. 'Well, thank you for showing me.' You sighed heavily. 'God, this marriage thing is going to be fun!' You groaned, brushing past him and into his house.

The house hadn't changed from when you were kids. The only thing that had changed was that the house had been moved to Moonbin's name, in case something happened to his parents. 'It still smells of warm chocolate and honey.' You murmur, memories of simpler days popping into your mind. Bin smiled, leaning down to your height. 'Really?'

You smile at him. 'Yeah. But it smells better without your cologne invading my nose.' Bin laughed, straightening up and wafting air toward you. "I'm sorry m'lady. Here, some air smelling of warm honey and chocolate.'

'Warm chocolate and honey. It's your house, how did you mess that up?' You poke his stomach, surprised at the amount of muscle that flexed beneath your finger. He was never a squishy kid when he was younger, always tall, thin and good looking, but he definitely wasn't the most muscular. It seemed that things had changed.

It was then you found yourself studying what you could see of his body; his thighs, straining against the soft material of his Adidas sweatpants; the slight bulge where his bicep engaged beneath the long shirt covering his torso. And of course, the apparent abdominal muscles. His soft laugh was beautiful, eyes closed again in soft crescents. His voice was soft as well. Not what you'd call very deep, but deep enough to tell you that he had hit puberty. His voice didn't squeak anymore, or so you could tell, and it honestly was something you missed. You were positive Bin didn't miss it though.

You quickly snapped yourself out, mentally scolding yourself. Bin hadn't noticed your staring, too busy moving this and that, chattering to you as he calmed himself down. He flopped down on the couch beside you, arm resting on the back of the material, and switching the television on. 'Really? No drinks? No food? What kind of a host?' You mutter at him, standing up. 'Mi casa es su casa.' Bin murmured in a soft whisper. You paused to send him a glance, unable to hold back from smiling.

"Mi casa es su casa", meaning "My house is your house" was something you learnt at a young age and parroted to him a few times when his family was over for dinner. To know that he knew it, even if he himself had heard the phrase and didn't remember you telling him all those years before; even if he was simply repeating it, it made you feel a certain way.

You turned away again, leaving him to stare at the television, busying yourself with raiding the well-kept kitchen, gathering snacks and drinks. To tease him further, you waltzed out of the kitchen, placing a bowl of chips in front of him, patting his head as you left to go and get the rest of the snacks. 'Don't touch them, darling.' Bin hummed, still staring at the movie playing on the screen.

He was still staring at the tv when you came back, a blank stare, as though deep in thought. 'Bin, you okay?' You ask, leaning forward to put yourself in his range of vision. He simply gestured to the tv, or so you thought. The two people who had been with him when he first told you what had happened just a few hours prior we're standing just beside the tv. The woman smiled, stepping forward.

'We forgot to tell you,' She started, looking between the two of you. 'but you must stay together. If you're apart for too long, y/n's heart will start to slow down and it will stop eventually. Which, you know. Wouldn't be good.' Bin groaned softly, resting his head in his hands. You sough and leant back against the settee, turning your head to look at Bin. 'But,' the man standing beside the woman spoke, flicking his eyes between you both. 'clearly, you've both already worked that out, yes?'

'I guess.' You muttered softly. 'Were you the ones who-' 'stopped you from getting into your house? Yes. As we said, you both must stay together. It won't kill you, but it will affect you in other ways. It's within your best interests to stay with Bin. If you must be apart, make it only for a short time.'

With warm wishes, they left again, leaving both of you in silent contemplation. There was nothing to say, and so you both stayed silent, watching the tv and softly crunching on chips. As bedtime drew nearer, you searched Bin's house for a blanket and stole a pillow from his bed. He watched as you placed the pillow down on the sofa and laid the blanket out, laying beneath it and closing your eyes. He then copied you, stretching his long body out and shutting his eyes, listening to the sounds of the tv as he drifted off.

[indomitablemegnolia]

Languishing at the bar, ruby lips caressing my glamorously green margarita; the midnight purple dress hugged my body like a sports cars paint, all road signs spoke of warning hazards; my goal, mayhem; I am tired of being this good reliable human; I have a deeply hidden and inarticulate desire for something beyond this daily life; I am here at this lovely bar, to test the morality of a priest, I am prowling, wanting, needing desperately to have an itch scratched, and finding; and needless to say, oh Lordy he was no priest. The single flower pinning my hair slipped making the picture perfect, exquisite, glittering in the sunshine of preening laughter showing the dulling edge of my personal lack of compunction and slipping morals. I watched his dark eyes watch me in the mirror, why him, I licked my lips; I am in the mood for some Latin spice; he watched me from a distance just waiting for his opening and here it was, the song changed and my laugh was unstoppable; he pounced presenting sliding next to me; "Dos margaritas por favor" he held up two fingers; he stood there smiling that suave smile at me sliding a second glass to me, “It is too beautiful of a night to be drinking alone.”

I took it, dipping my top lip over the edge I took in a fair sized drink, “So, how is the weather in Albuquerque?”

Oh, the way he just let his full bottom lip, god that lip, so provocative, so titillating, so kissable; it was the perfect mismatch for his shaped cupids bow top lip; God though, the way his sensuous, heavy, pouty bottom lip hanging slightly ajar, showing interest and the evaluation that was being made; so enticing, seductively evocative; when his assessment was finished the muscles tensed in his cheeks pulling that mouth into the most provocative suave smile; given the deep, wildly dark abyss of his eyes that were swimming with approval and temptation; lord with those light crinkle to the corners and that smile sharp teeth and delicious dimples a belying innocence it was a dead certainty that he may well be Lucifer himself; solidifying my assumption as he spoke dropping the delicious sound-sex of his carnal voice down a full octave; letting it rumble through his chest; his simple words not seductive in and of themselves; goddamn, the concerted effort together all served to bring my pulse to life; his chuckle danced on my skin. I watched his satisfied lazy smile draw his lips as the offhand phrase that taunted like a dare. “Perhaps, we are lost in translation.” God that Latin lilt at the end of his words; oxytocin running through my veins thick; "As long as you stay, I hope that we are never found." He clinked the rim of his glass on mine.

My eyes drawn away from those lips; I watched those terrible, sexy fingers rolling deliciously, accentuating the dare; telegraphing a none too subtle promise of delicate fiddling with my vivid, hungry nerves; god, this time of year, this season, there is not much in it to make me smile; it is not yet, not quite yet, the saddest time of the year; yet, there is a haunting sense of the imminent doom, like a bleak abeyance of life; it’s not stark introspective weather, gray and bleak, but none the less the blue skies, fresh green, seemed to be festering, suppurating, killing my soul, I know that time had run out; that horrible clock with the second hand ticking tightening the garrote around my neck painfully, slowly; Jesus what a sick suffocating weight; there are too many things that I wanted to feel, wanted to do and always time… that small hyphen between birth and death the ultimate cause of death… that time. The time to hesitate was through; my hand shook as I watched a delectable twinge running along that lip, like a smile still trying to hide; waiting for the trap to spring when I ask a simple single syllable question, the ubiquitous air of his words raised several; or did I miss part of the conversation? Should I ask... mmm why, or what, but no, I so not want to play his game; I double down and call the bluff, answering with a simple whispered. The trap is sprung, I really have no idea if it is he who is caught or me.

"Yes." My whisper much huskier than I had intended, my margarita wavering in my hand; his delicious thick brow shot up tilting his head slightly to the left, he let out a silent ‘what?’ I watched him in the mirror behind the bar, he hovered those dark delicious eyes staring into mine; I nodded, and again “Yes.” I smiled chewing lightly on my straw; I took joy in his face caught off guard, lazy smile pulled the edge of his lips; again, his lips waved in a silent, 'what?'

"Oh, come on, I answered your real question, the one written in your eyes and on that sensual pouty lip, the answer is yes."

He looked even more confused, "What is the question are you are answering?"

"Well, I have read promises written loosely in your fingertips, I saw previews of plans in your eyes, and lies you will tell to get there, on that lip." I stepped to him, running my thumb along that bottom lip. "Why go with pretense, so simply, I said yes."

Pressing his forehead to the back of my head, his cool fingers sweeping my hair out of the way, he kissed the back of my hair, "Then mi cariño don’t say anything." His eyes so lusciously dark and turbulent never looking away from mine in the mirror; "I want to watch you revel in the feel of my hot breath against your ear. Now I ask you;" he breathed in deeply, the cool air passing my skin into his lungs sent a shiver down my spine; the contrast in temperature mind blowing, my skin prickled into Goosebumps; "do not move." He let his breath excite yet again, the warmth had all those tiny hairs stand to attention, his lips touched feather soft, moist warm breath, my heart kicked a little each pass of his lips, then words. “Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo ni de dónde. Te amo simplemente, sin problemas ni orgullo: te amo de esta manera porque no conozco otra forma de amar sino esta, en la que no hay yo ni tú, tan íntimo que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mi mano. Tan íntimo que cuando me duermo tus ojos se cierran.” I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

“Coelho?” Arching one eyebrow, I downed my margarita looking somewhat the part of the provocateur

“Si.” He looked cocky, he looked far too self-assured, so much so that I almost forgot my goal.

“Esto no es amor, es lujuria.” this is not love but lust… hmm, lust even the delectable word sounded so much more alluring en espanole.

“En este momento la lujuria functiona para mi.” in this moment lust works for me. Good lord that word in his Spanish just added a delicious wanton edge to the overdose of libidinous delight that he wrought in me, making my head literally spin. His soft cool fingers delectably caressed the other side of my throat, his tongue ran lightly along the rim of my ear; I shivered still our eyes connected in the mirror, I was putty in his hands.

His lips danced along my neck commanding my already tittillated nerves into a frenzy; nuzzling with intent, his cheek pushing my head to a delicious angle, he feasted on the left side; his lips and teeth acting in a beautiful tango so delicious that I leaned back into him reaching behind me for an anchor; he gripped my wrists in one hand, using his other to sweep my hair such as it was to the other side as his libertine lips began to such and feast on the right side, “Ser mío no es fácil. Tengo expectativas Yo hago demandas. Cuando ofrezco mi corazón espero devoción. Insisto en la pasión, cruda y completa, necesitada y fuera de control. Quiero que me duela el corazón cuando estamos separados. Quiero que mis manos sean incapaces de no tocar su piel cuando esté cerca. Quiero que nuestros cuerpos se quemen cada vez que nos besamos. No puedo y nunca aceptaré nada menos. Por eso ser mío no es fácil, pero créeme, vale la pena." Being mine is not easy. I have expectations. I make demands. When I offer my heart I expect devotion. I insist on passion, raw and all encompassing, needy and out of control. I want my heart to ache when we’re apart. I want my hands to be incapable of not touching her skin whenever she’s near. I want our bodies to burn every time we kiss. I can’t and I will never accept anything less. That’s why being mine is not easy, but believe me, it’s absolutely fucking worth it.” Needy and out of control I could do, I was on a mission for exactly that; I let myself ease into the moment, feeling as much as I possibly could devouring it like a man with his last meal enjoying the sweet and the salt and … oh gosh, my eyes flared as he kicked it up a notch his tongue sliding from just behind my ear to the spot where all nerves collide where shoulder and neck meet, my eyes fluttered; apparently to get my attention back his free hand traced across my bare flesh just above my modest neckline, dipping lightly between my breasts.

Jittery my attention came front and center back on his eyes; I raised a single eyebrow; "¿Quién dijo que era tuyo?" Who ever said I was yours? His lips moved along my neck to the place where neck meets shoulder, I became soft in his hands; his free hand caressing up to the edge of my chin, coaxing my head turning it, he kissed along my clavicle; my eyes finally rolled closed as he kissed my lips, he tasted of strong tequila, lime and dreams; I moaned softly.

“Oh, you just did, right there. No translation needed for that... Voy a probar, disfrutar del calor de su sabor embriagador. Quiero respirar tus suspiros; quiero sentirte desde adentro,” I want to breathe in your sighs. I'm going to try, to enjoy the heat of its heady taste; he kissed me deep again, "I am drawn to you, like a moth to fire," he kept his glorious mouth moving, all tongue and teeth and temptation, "I see a frantic almost panic on you;" his hand still holding mine in check, "I have you safe here," his loose hsnd pulling me to him; "I hunger for your touch after get you excited and how easy it is." Neck kissing, is honestly the most sensual, seductive things that I have ever known, but when it is done as well as this gorgeous man is... it is not just a syllogy for sex, I feel his talented tongue slide on my skin, we may as well be going at it right on the bar. "Deliciosa, caliente, con una gota de salsa picante" Delicious, hot, like a drop of hot sauce. He gripped my wrist spun me on the stool; taking off at a run.

@pedeka @writernotwaiting @keeper0fthestars @iamhisgloriouspurpose

[sexvimpulse]

Vivien: [Waits where they agreed to meet, but ends up waiting an extra twenty more minutes. She lights a cigarette, inhaling a deep drag to calm herself] Where have you been, Elias? [Raises a brow as she exhales the smoke. Spots the the brunette escort walking down the hall, realizing who he was with] Alors c'est là que tu étais? [Hisses as she feels upset that he’s still seeing the little whore when she came back to him]

Elias: [Makes his way down, hating how he lost track of time as he runs his hand through his hair] Oú? [Blinks, composing himself because he knows he was wrong for being late] Je suis desolee, Madame Moreaux. [Is overly formal with her because he knows she’ll just think he’s trying to soften her by calling her his love] I shouldn’t have been late. [Shakes his head] Do you still want to see me?

Vivien: [Her gaze is icy and she parts her lips for a moment as he greets her with little to no affection. She can’t understand why he’s being this way with her but it only fuels her anger] Why would you ask that? [Hisses lowly] Désolée are you too exhausted from spending time with your little whore to be with me now?

Elias: [Remembers his place as her escort, not feeling as emotionally connected with her since she left] Non. [Swallows, restraining himself] I just didn’t want to keep disappointing you. [Says softly, feeling completely guarded] I want to spend time with you. [Doesn’t acknowledge as she brings up Emme]

Vivien: [Furrows her brows as she doesn’t feel the same connection that they had, her chest aching as he makes her feel foolish] You say that but I don’t believe it. [Hollows her cheeks] You begged for me to come back.. you hurt me and I came back to you. [Searches his eyes as she tries to calm down] Pourquoi es-tu comme ça avec moi?

Elias: [Sighs as he hears her] What do you want me to say, Vivien? [Steps up to her] Because I fucking love you. And then I stopped because you were ignoring me. [Blinks] Do you want to see me or not, Vivien?

Vivien: [Purses her lips as she gives a hard stare] You stopped? Stopped what? Loving me? [Hisses as it feels like a slap to her face] I ignored you but I never stopped loving you. [Hollows her cheeks as she exhales the smoke and looks away from him] I am here, non? I waited for you even after what you put me through before. [Chest heaves] Are you going to stop seeing her?

Elias: I stopped begging. [Corrects her] You either forgive me for that or you don’t. I didn’t think you actually loved me, Vivien. Don’t you think clients tell me that all the time and leave? [Blinks] What do you want? Do you want to see me or do you just want to know that I will be miserable without you? [Stares at her] What I do isn’t your business anymore. [Shrugs] You made sure of that when you left. [His chest rises and falls] If you don’t like it then be my guest and find another escort. I know you’ve been entertained by some. [Smiles coldly] And now I know I can survive without you and I don’t have to kill myself. So take your pick, Madame. [Snarls, finally losing his temper]

Vivien: [Draws in her cheeks as he argues with her and shows a completely different side to himself] Those are other clients. Are you saying I’m the same as all of them? [Hisses] So when I said I loved you, you were telling me what you tell all of your other clients? [Stares at him incredulously before he stops her from speaking as she hears his words. Her chest heaves as she narrows her eyes, feeling hurt as his words slice through her. She steps back as his cruel nature becomes too much] I wish to see you. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t.

Elias: [Clenches his jaw as she speaks, glaring at her. He softens as she stops arguing with him, preferring it to him having to console Emme. He moves to her and pulls her into his arms] I’m sorry I was late. I missed you and I want to see you.. Je’taime, Vivien. [Kisses the top of her head]

Vivien: [Lets him take her in his arms but she feels pain and jealousy as he holds her. She swallows as he tells her that he loves her] If you didn’t think that I actually loved you then why are you saying it now? [Purses her lips as she stares intensely] Are you with her to get back at me?

Elias: Because /I/ love you. [stares down at her] Non. [Shakes his head] I told you I wouldn’t do that kind of thing anymore. [Blinks] That’s why I don’t want to talk about it, Vivien. [Shakes his head] If you didn’t want me to find someone else, you shouldn’t have left. [Purses his lips] Or maybe you should have stayed away. [He knows the words sound harsh but he’s being honest with her] Did you think you could be gone so long and ignore me and that I would just wait here comme un chien?

Vivien: [Parts her lips as she comes to realize that his feelings for the little slut might be real and if only hurts her even further] So this is my doing?! I left because you hurt me. [Hisses, hating how her love for him runs deep that she forgets about her pride] You expect me to forgive you for your past cruelty and yet you can’t do the same for me? [Expresses a look of pain, a rare appearance for her] I am entirely yours. Can’t you do that for me?

Elias: I’m not punishing you, Vivien. [Tells her honestly] I did forgive you otherwise I wouldn’t be here, oui? [Frowns as he knows he’s hurting her] Je aime Elle.. Vivien. [Shrugs] You know that I’m selfish.

Vivien: [Stares into his piercing eyes, matching her own as she realizes she can’t her to himself] She’s just a girl, Elias. I want our life together. [Purses her lips] You can’t have that with her, mon amour.. S’il vous plaît.

Elias: [He softens for her, not wanting to hurt her] you know I’m never getting out of here, Vivien. [Frowns as he looks down at her] Maybe you need someone better than me. [Doesn’t believe he’ll ever get out from under Toussaint] Je’taime, amour. [Cups her face] Do you still want me when I’m a captive here?

Vivien: [Narrows her eyes as refuses to let him rot in here forever. She detests the idea of him being with others and having another girl at the same time but knows she can’t do anything] No one is better than you, mon amour. [Gazes deeply as she can’t let him go] I’ll live here just to be with you. Whatever happens, I want my life with you.

Elias: [Presses her up against the wall, kissing her deeply as she tells him what he’s wanted to hear from her] I am painfully in love with you, Vivien. [Speaks against her lips before sucking on her tongue] S’il te plaît.. just let me have you in any way that I can. [Wraps his arms around her] Just because I have her, it doesn’t mean I love you any less.

Vivien: Ungh! [Growls as he pins her to the wall, immediately feeling the tension as she kisses him passionately—showing how much he’s hers as she delves her tongue into his mouth. Moans as he feeds her with with sweet words] You can never fall in love with her, Elias. [Narrows her eyes as she grips his face] Fuck her. Use her. But don’t love her. [Whispers against his mouth before biting on his lower lip]

Elias: [He’s consumed by her as he holds her in his arms, he doesn’t say anything as she grips his face. Not knowing what will happen between him and Emme] Ah.. [Whimpers as she bites him]

Vivien: [Meets his eyes as she pulls away from kissing his neck] Promise me. [Hollows her cheeks]

Elias: [Frowns] I can’t promise that, Vivien. I want to be honest with you. [Sighs, knowing she’ll be angry]

Vivien: [Pulls back as she stares in surprise] Why not? [Creates distance between them] And what happens when you fall in love with her?

Elias: Do I have to choose? [Frowns] Can’t I be with both of you?

Vivien: [Raises a brow as her chest aches, feeling slightly offended at the same time] Is the decision that hard, Elias?

Vivien: [Avoids his eyes as she hears him. Understanding where he’s coming from but feeling jealousy and is unable to overcome it] You are not a temporary lover for me, Elias. The thought of you using your other time for a little girl is upsetting. [Eyes him] It wasn’t long ago that I was all you wanted.

Elias: I know. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. [Tells her honestly] I understand. [Frowns] Je suis desolee, amour.. I can’t help my heart. [Sighs] You made me feel things again..

Vivien: [Swallows as she weakens for him, trusting his words] If you fall in love with her you’ll break me. [Hollows her cheeks as she doesn’t believe that his little whore would ever be better than her]

Elias: I don’t want to hurt you. [Shakes his head as he takes her hands and kisses them] I love you so much, Vivien. [Kisses her softly] What did you want to do tonight?

Vivien: [Welcomes his kisses before cupping his face as she kisses him on the lips] I am in love with you, Elias. No one will love you as much as I do. [Whispers against his lips] Nothing, mon amour. I just had a gift for you. [Reaches into her purse as she has an gold fountain pen with his name engraved on it]

Elias: [Wraps his arms around her, kissing her head all over] Hm? [Frowns, feeling guilty as he sees her gift] C’est beau.. [Holds it in his hands] Merci, mon amour. But I’m happier to have you here. [Cups her face] Can we go to my room?

Vivien: Do you like it, mon amour? [Asks softly as she bought it while they were apart] Oui, we can. [Meets his eyes as she’s filled with regret and no longer feels like she has a say]

Elias: I love it, Vivien. [Tucks it into his jacket before taking her up to his room] Can I just hold you? [Takes off his clothes as pulls her into bed with him] Are you okay? [Scratches her scalp]

Vivien: [Enters his room and feels a desperate need to be close] Oui, you may. [Undresses as he does before getting into bed with him] I’m.. trying to accept how everything is. [Cups his face] Are you mine?

Elias: You are kind for loving me despite how I am. [Murmurs as he looks at her] I was yours the moment I saw you. [Eyes her longingly]

Vivien: [Her heart craves his attention and love as she meets his eyes] I want you to myself, mon amour. [Aches as she pulls him into her arms] You are selfish, oui. But I am possessive. I can’t stand it.

Elias: [Frowns, wanting to make her happy in the way that he can, but he doesn’t want to sacrifice his own for it] Can’t you just forget about it? Like you do when I’m with other clients? [Frowns as he hides his face in her neck]

Vivien: [Holds him against her chest as she feels that the situation is completely different. But she knows him enough to understand that he won’t let go] You are right, mon amour. I should forget it. [Speaks softly as she cups his face]

Elias: [Smiles as he hears her words] Really? [Looks at her, so happy she’s trying to understand him] Je’taime. [Kisses her over and over, holding her close]

Vivien: [It pains her to have to go through this, but she can’t stand to lose him again] Je t’aime, mon amour. [Caresses his chest with her fingertips as she returns his kiss, slowly feeling as if she can win him back to her]

Elias: [Takes her hand on his chest and holds it] I’ve missed you so much. [Kisses her eyelids] I didn’t think you would ever come back to me. [Shakes his head]

Vivien: [Closes her eyes as he kisses her in such an intimate and tender way] It was hard being away from you, mon amour. [Runs her fingers through his long hair, liking the new look on him] Every day I missed you, and it only got worse. [Nuzzles his neck as she wraps her legs around him, wanting to be connected in every way]

Elias: [Eyes her] It was hard for me too. [Frowns, but feels soothed by her hands in his hair] I went to le cinema and she watched Portrait de la jeune en feu by myself. [laughs] I cried for hours after, thinking of you. Thinking you chose the memory of me instead.

Vivien: [Listens to the sound of his voice, captivated by him as he fills each of her senses. She pouts as she hears his words before raising a brow] Mon amour, you cried? [Melts for him before shaking her head] Memories will never be enough. I need all of you, mon amour. Mon âme sœur. [Presses her lip to his and

kisses him slowly, savoring his taste]

Elias: Oui.. every day you were gone. [Shakes his head] and I don’t cry. [Sulks] I’m glad you came back for me

Vivien: [Her chest feels heavy as she places her hand over his heart] I think you and I are the same person, mon amour. [Rubs his chest as she thinks of how she cried for him when she never had a heart for other men] We belong together, remember? [Gazes deeply] I’d give up everything for you, Elias.

Elias: [Smiles as he listens to her words] Non. [Shakes his head] You are a much better person than me. [Bites his lip] What would you give up?

Vivien: [Admires his features as she kisses his chin] Money. My home. [Gazes at him] My soul. [Stares at him intensely]

Elias: [Melts as she’s so devoted to him] Je’taime, Vivien. [Sighs as he loves being tangled with her like this] Merci.

Vivien: [Wishes that he was hers the way he used to be but puts the idea to the back of her mind] Merci? For what mon, amour? [Relishes in his body heat]

Elias: For coming back.. for loving me.. for the pen. [Chuckles as he brushes some hair from her face]

Vivien: Oh. [Laughs softly as she catches his fingers between her lips, biting playfully] De rien, mon amour. [Purrs] Do you want to leave with me for a week? Like we did before?

Elias: Oui! [Beams at her suggestion, not thinking of Emme at the moment] Where to, amour? I’ll go anywhere with you.

Vivien: [Licks his lips as he looks amused by her suggestion] Mmm.. We can go to somewhere nearby. Cannes? [Purrs as she has a villa by the beach]

Elias: [Smiles] that sounds very nice. [Sighs, wanting some time alone with her] When, amour?

Vivien: [Kisses the tip of his nose as he agrees] I was told that you’re free by the end of the week, mon amour. [Caresses his jaw as she wants to steal him away and have him forget about his little whore] Will you be ready for me, mon amour?

Elias: [Nods as he knows his schedule is free] I can’t wait. [Nods] I’ll have my bags packed. [Runs his nose along hers] I’m excited to be alone with you. [Bites his lip]

Vivien: [Her dimple makes a rare appearance as she feels his nose, loving their soft exchange] C’est parfait, mon amour. [Coos sweetly] It’ll be the two of us and no one else.

Elias: [Emme is in the back of his mind but tries not to think about it] Oui. [Rolls over her] I haven’t been to the beach in a long time. I’m excited to smell the sea. [Looks down at her] You’re too good to me. [Kisses her forehead]

Vivien: [Smiles sultrily as she feels him on top of her. She feels his body beneath her hands, simply wanting to feel his heat] We can do whatever you want, mon amour. [Loves how excited he is] Hardly. [Speaks softly as she weaves her fingers through his sandy locks] You grew out your hair. I love the look on you.

Elias: We can go on a boat? [Tilts his head] Oui.. I didn’t feel like maintaining it when you left. [Doesn’t meet her eyes] And then I liked how it looked. [Chuckles] Do you like my face? Should I shave it? [Rubs his scruff]

Vivien: Mmm. Oui, we can. You can drive it if you’d like. [Gives a mischievous gleam as she thinks of what they could do together] Non, mon amour. Keep all of it. It’s very sexy on you. [Scratches under his chin] It makes you look rugged.. and like I should call you Master. [Coos] You are always handsome to me.

Elias: Really? [Thinks of being out on the water again after being away so long. He laughs at her words] If you called me Master.. you don't know what I'd do to you. [Chuckles, happy to be with her because he really missed her] I work very hard to try and stay as handsome as I can. [Shakes his head] You don't work at all. It's effortless for you.

Vivien: Like what, mon amour? [Raises a brow as she switches positions and gets on top of him] Don’t be foolish, mon amour. You don’t need to try. [Tells him honestly as she knows when people try too hard] I wasn’t a beauty when I was younger. [Laughs softly as she flips her hair before her shoulder and kisses his cheek]

Elias: I try very hard. [Looks up at her] I worry about my body, my face, my cock. [Pouts] Liar. [Shakes his head] I saw pictures. You were gorgeous. [He liked her fuller face and youthful eyes just as much as he loves her look now]

Vivien: [Opens her eyes and melts for that pout of his] Your cock? Porquoi, mon amour? It’s a masterpiece. [Sucks his lower lip before shaking her head, smiling warmly] Always sweet with your words. [Coos] Merci beaucoup, mon Elias. [Appreciates how much he adores her] I have to ask, mon amour.. [Trails off as she thinks of how their situation is a bit different now] Is my jealousy too much for you now?

Elias: Of course.. my grooming.. my taste. [Laughs] There is a lot to consider, non? [Tilts his head, only half kidding with her] It's the truth. [Eyes her curiously as she asks] Non. [Shakes his head] I used to crave your jealousy and hurt you to get it. [Frowns] I wanted to know you cared about me. [Admits sheepishly] Now.. I wish you weren't hurting.

Vivien: [Rolls her eyes, enjoying his humor before going quiet as she hears his words. It brings closure to hear him admit to it, and she caresses his cheek to show she isn’t upset] And now you know, oui? [Stares into his gaze before lowering her eyes] If you are mine and you’re being truthful.. then for now it’s enough. [Doesn’t let her expression give anything away as she does feel hurt that he longs for another]

Elias: Oui, I know.. [Smiles softly] Merci.. for understanding. [Holds her hand as he looks up at her] I’m still figuring everything out.. [Blinks, not having cared about people so long and now having two women he wants is a lot]

Vivien: [Exudes patience as she studies him, still processing how a man could favor another when he already has her] Like what, amour? [Tilts her head] Are you trying to decide between us?

Elias: [Shakes his head] It's not a decision I'm going to make. I want both. [Frowns] If you two can't handle it then I suppose I will have neither of you. [Frowns] I'm just trying to figure out my feelings, is all. [Blinks] I didn't think i had them until you two..

Vivien: [Purses her lips and hollows cheeks but draws in a breath as to relax her features] I am not going to go anywhere, Elias. I know what I want and I am determined to keep you. [Speaks passionately as she leans down to kiss him deeply]

Elias: [Knows she's upset but he can't bring himself to let Emme go] I want to be kept.. [Murmurs against her lips before returning her kiss] I love you. [Sucks on her tongue as his hand moves over the small of her back] I don't know how you came to love someone like me.. [Frowns]

Vivien: [Forgets about his little whore as he tells her that he loves her, feeling as if it's the remedy that she needs. She sticks her tongue out for him, moaning weakly as the sensation reaches down to her toes] I already told you, mon amour. You are my soulmate. We were meant to be together. [Knows in her heart that her words are true as she scratches his chest] I just ask.. that you think of it, mon amour. What we have is real. You know this.

Elias: [Smiles at her loving words] Okay.. [Nods as she requests something of him, knowing he should consider it because she’s sacrificed a lot for him too] Will you be upset if I don’t arrive at the solution you want? [Tilts his head as he looks up at her, fidgeting with his coin necklace]

Vivien: Of course. [Tells him plainly but softens as she sighs] But I would have to accept it. [Notices the necklace around his neck and looks at the coin, knowing the mean of its particular design] I’ve never seen this on you before, mon amour. Where is it from?

Elias: [Frowns before chewing the inside of his cheek] I got it from a shop in Bercy Village. [Murmurs, not wanting to hurt her feelings] It’s simple stuff. [Waves his hand, knowing she’s too high end for something like that]

Vivien: [Nods her head as she listens to him before raising a brow] You went to Bercy Village? It doesn’t seem like your type of place, mon amour. [Smiles softly as it’s not a place she’d visit] I’m going to take you somewhere better.

Elias: Oui. It’s fun to pretend to be normal sometimes. [Nods] I like the shops. [Feels a little guarded as he continues to mess with the necklace] I don’t doubt it. [Smiles softly as he rubs her arms while looking up at her]

Vivien: [Purses her lips as she thinks that he was most likely with his little whore. She places her hand over his as she stops him from fidgeting with the necklace] Je t’aime, mon amour. [Kisses his cheek before rubbing her face against the soft hairs of his beard] When we go to the beach I don’t want to see you in anything. [Nibbles on his lobe before grinning]

Elias: [Pauses as he looks up at her] I love you too. [Murmurs as he melts at her affection] Oui. [Nods, knowing she knows about his necklace, he doesn’t know how he’s doing to juggle the two of them] Mm.. that feels good. [Bites his lip] I don’t want to lose you again.

Vivien: [A part of her wonders if she sees others but she knows it would be a waste of her time—she has no other choice but to accept his ways] Would you do anything to keep me with you? [Tilts her head as she believes his love is real but he wouldn’t sacrifice as much as she would]

Elias: [Blinks as he hears her] Are you going to give me an ultimatum? [Asks, disappointed that they have to keep going over it]

Vivien: Non. [Shakes her head as she comes to realize that her love runs deeper than his] I know our situations are different. [Sits up as she covers her breasts with the sheet and gazes down at him] Should we rest now, mon amour?

Elias: [Finds himself irritated as neither her nor Emme can live with this] Oui. [Says in a muted tone, reaching in this bedside drawer for a cigarette and lighter] What have you been up to, Amour? [Sucks the cigarette down as if he can’t inhale it fast enough]

Vivien: [Notices the change in his demeanor as she fights off her own jealousy that comes in unstable waves. She doesn’t answer him as she eyes him for a few moments, cheeks hollowing] Business trips. [Matches his same tone as she hollows her cheeks] I wasn’t going to give you an ultimatum. It is a lot for me to take in, Elias. [Stares icily] I’ve never cared when my partners sought comfort from others. [Runs her fingers through her hair] It’s very difficult for me to accept the way that our love is now, but I am trying. [Hisses] You won’t hear it from me anymore.

Elias: [Narrows his eyes] I don’t believe you. [Hollows his cheeks after he blows smoke away from her] Then why do you care now? [Stares ahead of him] All of those people I fuck. L’hommes, les femmes.. porquoi? Why now? [Crosses his arms, frustrated] I’m being honest with you. Would you prefer if I had lied? [Stares at her] You don’t have to accept it. Same with her. [Waves his cigarette around as it rests between his fingers] I don’t make anyone do what they don’t want. [Shakes his head] Maybe you two should both leave me alone and I should go back to how I was. [His chest aches, hating the idea of being alone when he finally has begun to feel things] This is why I never had feelings for people. [Rubs his face and his brows as he can’t let either of them go]

Vivien: Why now? Pourquoi pensez-vous? [Chest heaves as her eyes darken] Would it hurt you if I couldn’t choose between you and another man? Non, excusez-moi, a boy who shouldn’t be competition in the first place. [Hates how he’s speaking to her and the words that he’s saying] Is that what you want, Elias? You wish to push me away again instead of trying to see how this could be hard for me, too? [Furrows her brows as he makes her heart ache] I don’t want you with her, or anyone, but especially not her. [Looks away] But I can’t lose you again. [Narrows her eyes at him]

Elias: [Thinks about her side but he doesn’t want to empathize too much] Non. [Frowns, not even realizing he was pushing her away again and hating that he does that] I see it! That’s why I’m not asking you to suffer through it. [Growls as he clenches his jaw] What do you want me to do, Vivien? I like her. We have chemistry. She makes me feel.. different. [Is completely transparent] I don’t want to let that go. She was there for me when you weren’t. Just because you’ve decided I’ve been punished enough, does that mean I should throw her away? Can’t you understand how I feel too? I’m a human. I’m not just some product for you to use whenever and however you want. And then abandon when you’re bored. [His eyes well up] You had no problem leaving me. [Blows air from between his lips] How can I be sure you won’t do it again? [Sniffs] I don’t trust you, Vivien. [Swallows] My life in here looks nice and fun and filled with things! But it’s miserable. Can’t I want two people? I’m never fucking getting out of here! [Puts out his cigarette and tries to calm himself through breathing]

Vivien: [Scoffs as he reveals how he feels for the girl, masking her pain] Different, how?! How is it so different from how we are together? [Closes her eyes, shaking her head as if trying to push away the heartache and not hear him] You thought I was punishing you? [Hisses] Is that how you feel about me? That you’re just a toy? [Blinks before parting her lips as he admits to not trusting her] I came back, Elias. I willingly leave my life for you.. My pride! [Stares incredulously before sh softens for a moment, her heart breaking as he forces her to realize that money might not be enough to get him out] Elias.. [Feels defeated as she walks up to him and places her hands on his chest] I am /not/ leaving you. Never. [Doesn’t break her gaze from his] If you want her.. fine.. I can’t do anything. But don’t doubt my love for you and stay with her because you’re afraid that I will leave.

Elias: The dynamic is different. [Doesn’t elaborate more as he listens to her] Your pride? [His brows draw together] Is that really all this comes down to? Is that why you’re so invested? Because I make you question your pride? [Laughs, his smile is cold as his fangs show] You say we are the same but we are different. [Frowns] I have no pride. I give my body away for money. I live off of the generosity of strangers. I exist to please other people. I live for material things. I lost my family’s wealth and brought shame to the Dubois name. [Rubs his face] There’s nothing about me to be proud about. [Swallows] But miraculously, as shit of a person I am, you love me. She loves me. [Admits, knowing Emme has fallen for him] I am greedy. I take what I can get and I don’t want to let it go. [Takes her hand] I’m not with her just as a back up. I care about her, Vivien. And I like the way she makes me feel just like I do with you. Can’t I have that? Now that I’m being honest in claiming who I am? [Pleads with her] I’ve accepted how awful I am. I’m living through it. [Bites his lip] You two make me want to be better. I don’t want to let either of you go.

Vivien: [Feels the emotion welling inside of her as he exposes himself to her. She holds back her tears as his sufferings make her wish that he didn’t have to go through it at all. Dropping her eyes for a brief second, she despises the girl for loving him but knows that doing so isn’t exactly easy to resist] Fine. [Exhales deeply as she stops fighting it—never having felt so defeated yet deeply in love at the same time] Keep us both. [Hates that she isn’t enough to make him happy but understands that it’s hard to come by where he is] Because my love is real, you can keep me.. even while you have her.

Elias: [Loses himself in his emotions but as he hears her he pauses] Merci, Vivien. [His expression softens and he holds her tiny frame in his arms, kissing the top of her head] My love is real, too. [Swallows as he smells her hair] I know I’m the reason I’m here. I know I deserve to be here. [Rubs her back] But if I have to be.. I want to have all the joy I can. [Tilts up her head] Je’taime, Vivien. Merci. [Kisses her forehead as he cups her face] I won’t try to hurt you anymore.

Vivien: [Holds him tightly, pressing herself against him with a need to feel his body heat. She hides her face as tears fill her eyes] You don’t deserve to have such a long sentence. [Starts to understand him as she gazes into his deep blue eyes] And I love you. I am yours, mon amour. Nothing will ever keep me from you.

Elias: It was fucking stupid of me to borrow so much from the house. [Laughs bitterly but he rubs her back] If I didn’t have such a long sentence I wouldn’t have ever met you. [Leans down and touches his forehead to hers] I was supposed to meet you. You saved me. [Kisses her deeply] I don’t know how someone like you can love someone as stupid as me. [Grins]

Vivien: It’s in the past, mon amour. [Holds his face in her hands before her heart melts as she recalls how she felt that fate had intervened on her behalf] Mon amour. [Moans into the kiss, pouring the unending passion she has for him] Non, you are not stupid. You are beautiful to me, mon amour. [Strokes his chest] Flaws and mistakes. I love all of you. [Pulls him down again as she wraps her arms around his neck, kissing the corners of his lips]

[hanhan156]

The Pandora’s box chapter I

So this is it, I had to make my own Paulchard kiss fic as well even though there are several ones already. I had this idea for a long time and my head was almost like screaming for this to be written down, so here is the result.

Also, I had to break the promise with myself to make only fics with one chapter and I decided to separate this story in two - the two parts have quite different atmosphere and otherwise, it would have been super long.

Hopefully, you'll like my stupid jokes mixed with some fluff and even drama. The tension between Reesh and Paul is tightening!

The Stadium Tour is about to start and Till thinks they still need something to spice their show up a little – like a cherry on top. The perfect solution comes from an unexpected resource, leading into unexpected results.

One could even say that the Pandora's box will finally be opened.

Chapter I

Paul was awoken by distant chattering and panicking voices around. He opened his eyes slightly and saw blurry figures bustling around him.

What in the bloody hell is going on in here?

“Gott im Himmel, did he have an epilepsy attack or what happened? Shit, this is my fault, it was my idea in the first place…” Paul could hear Flake’s usually quiet voice, now loud and trembling.

“It’s nobody’s fault. We just have to make sure his okay,” Till interrupted the panicking keyboardist’s ramble. Of course, he was slightly alarmed as well, but he knew that in this kind of situation, it really didn’t help if everyone around you were being hysteric.

Even though Paul couldn’t see properly, he felt there was somebody holding his hand, stroking it softly at the same time. “I really don’t know what happened, we just have to wait…” the figure sobbed.

Paul got a bit annoyed about all of this. Why was everybody so upset about him suddenly? Without saying anything out loud, he decided he had to sit up. He wasn’t a cripple, for Christ’s sake.

But, his intentions were swiftly interrupted by strong arms.

“Let go of me!” he shouted and didn’t want to admit that moving had made him even dizzier.

“Shh, everything’s fine. You should rest now,” was the only answer he could hear from the same figure who had been holding his hand, now gently pushing him back to the floor.

Paul closed his eyes again and pressed his hand against his forehead. If he wouldn’t have had this terrible headache he would certainly have stood up and walked away from this - just like nothing had happened. “Okay, what’s going on in here?” He tried to pinch himself. Or am I dreaming?

Now, he finally saw that the person who had been next to him the whole time was Richard - his glossy eyes made Paul uneasy. “We…really don’t know, but thank God, you are awake again. We were so worried about you…everything happened so quickly, we didn’t know what we should do.”

Once again, a vague answer. “…okay? What’s going on in here and why are you looking like that?”

Paul tried to focus when his fellow guitarist looked at him straight in the eyes, his gorgeous face still fuzzy for him. “How much do you remember?” Richard’s voice sounded like it was coming from the distance even though they were so close to each other.

Paul tried his best to comprehend this all. “Well, something happened and suddenly, I’m on the floor and you all look like that. Please, can you just tell me, what this shit is all about. I’m sick of these unclear answers of yours.” He felt like the headache - which he’d had the whole day - was getting stronger when he tried to concentrate on thinking.

Till sat down next to them and sighed. “To make it short, you fainted while we were having a rehearsal.”

That sounded extraordinary. He had fainted before in school when he was an adolescent, but never as an adult. “But…why in the hell I’d faint in a rehearsal? Did something…unusual happen before?” Paul tried his best to recall but the incidents before were still so vague - and thinking still made his headache just worse.

All his fellow bandmates looked slightly awkward.

“Maybe Reesh could tell you it…more detailed,” Till managed to say finally.

It all originated from the day before when they’d had a meeting. Most of their upcoming spectacle was already planned - still, that infamous something was missing. Perhaps, some small details, or surprises.

“So, what do you think, should we…spice things up a bit?” Till asked while they were sitting around the round table which had become way too familiar for them during their rehearsals. Richard was yawning visibly - he thought that these meetings were the most boring parts of being a band. And in his opinion, the show was already great enough, so there was no point to add anything anymore.

“What do you mean?” Schneider asked.

“Something a bit unplanned, something which might shock the audience a bit - something political even, but not too much. I don’t know about you, but at least I don’t want to be in jail after our tour is finished.”

Everybody - expect for Richard, who was trying to annoy Paul by poking his toes under the table - tried to think something suitable.

“Hey, I have an idea!” Schneider yelled, and to Paul’s relief, his fellow guitarist stopped his aggravation finally.

“Okay, tell us,” Paul said and glanced his fellow grinning guitarist murderously.

“What if we dressed up as women? It was so much fun in earlier tours when I was Frau Schneider. This time, we all could come up with a female character for each other. I’m sure it would be a success!”

There was some amused snorting and slight giggling. Everybody knew that Schneider was fond of dressing up as a female, but he still didn’t have to suggest that every single time when they were thinking to add something new to their show.

Their singer was the only one who had the guts to say it out loud: “Schneider, even though you love it, dressing up as women is totally out of context. We already agreed that Bück dich is not included, and there are way too many costumes already, so I’m sorry to announce that Frau Schneider or any other female character is not gonna have her magical moment this time.”

Schneider pouted. “Yeah, every time when Till or Reesh has an idea, everybody agrees, but when I’m excited about something, you all think it’s Scheisse.”

“It’s nothing personal,” Till said with a sigh and tried to move the discussion to other subjects, before Richard would start his arguments against the drummer. “Okay, does somebody else have anything in mind?”

After another silent moment, unexpectedly, Flake raised his hand, his eyes fixed on the table. He was so shy and reserved that he always felt uneasy when everybody’s attention was at him. “I-I might have an idea, if it’s ok to tell it.”

“Of course,” rest of his bandmembers said all together. They still didn’t understand, why Flake always had to ask for permission when he wanted to express his ideas and opinions. He was part of the family as much as everyone else.

The keyboardist stood up and started his speech: “Well, in the era of gay rights, I was thinking that we could…well, this is perhaps a stupid idea, but--” He froze for a moment, and Till smiled at him and gestured. “Carry on, it sounds very promising.”

Flake cleared his throat and tried to force a smile on his face. “We could…umm…wave the rainbow flag at some point…you know, for example, when we are boating through the audience. And also…I don’t know from where this came from, but…some of us could kiss each other.”

He could sense the atmosphere getting a tiny bit awkward - or the truth was that everybody was just trying to comprehend what they had just heard, it had nothing to do with Flake. “I…it might be a bit shocking for some people, but not too much, or at least I think so. Besides, it might raise some interesting reactions from the media. Definitely not everybody’s gonna like it, but we could ask ourselves, when our band hasn’t been controversial.”

When Flake stopped, he dared to look at his bandmates, but couldn’t read anything from their expressions. He suddenly started to panic and stuttered: “E-es t-tut mir l-leicht, it was a bad and b-boring idea…maybe Reesh or Paul has something better. I-I’m not good at this…”

Till raised his hand. “Stop it, Flake.” Then he stood up and approached the embarrassed man who was still in front of everyone. Till put his hands on his friend’s shoulders and slowly, a smile was curving on his face. “That’s…a brilliant idea! I’ve always thought that you really are a genius!” Then, to Flake’s horror, Till hugged him. Everybody else was nodding and showing their agreement as well.

“Have to admit, it’s a good idea…”

“Not bad at all…”

Till and Flake came back to the table, the latter man resembling a ghost. Usually, when people were ashamed they started blushing, while Flake always turned completely pale.

“I have to admit that’s a brilliant idea indeed,” Richard said. “So, who do you want to kiss, Flake?”

“I-I didn’t mean it should be me! I…was thinking that maybe someone else…” with better looks and more confidence, he almost added.

“C’mon Flake, it’s not so bad,” Paul tried to convince the keyboardist. “Besides, you can choose whoever you want from the most perfect alternatives of this universe.”

“The man has suffered enough,” Till said because he didn’t want Flake to be any more upset. “I have forced him to do Bück dich and I’m already gonna cook him in the show, so maybe someone else should sacrifice himself.”

“Besides, I don’t want to be involved in the fanfictions which might appear after the…incident, if we decide to include it in our show,” Flake added.

Everybody looked puzzled and Flake thought that maybe he just should shut himself up finally.

“What’s a…fanfiction?” Schneider asked, innocently.

Paul gave a laugh. “Seriously, do you live under a rock or something?”

“Well, I’m sorry that I have a life and I’m not spending all my precious free time stalking the Internet!”

Oliver, who hadn’t said anything yet, clarified their drummer’s question: “Fanfiction means stories from basically anything - or anyone - you can imagine. The writers choose characters from the media they want - for example, us - and write whatever they want. Somebody could write a story about us being vampires in a haunted medieval village or superhero cats in space for example.” Flake was totally relieved that he didn’t have to answer.

Schneider snorted. “But I don’t get it, who wants to make stories…about us? Somebody who doesn’t have any other life?” It was impossible for him trying to figure out, what kind of person would want to write a story about them and even enjoy it.

Richard looked at the distance with a dreamy look. “I definitely like the idea and I’m not against it if people are writing about me.” Then he turned back to Flake and asked: “Can you tell me, from where can I find these fanfictions or what were they called?” A sly smile was forming on his face before he continued: “And why do you know so much about them in the first place, may I ask?”

Flake was an old Star Trek and Star Wars fan, so that was why he knew quite much about Internet and fandom culture. But he didn’t want to it say out loud, that he’d been stalking Rammstein fanfiction as well - just for curiosity, of course. “Well, there’s a site called AO3, if you really want to check it out. But I’ll warn you beforehand, some of the stories are a bit…questionable.”

Richard raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by ‘questionable’?”

Just when Flake was about to answer, again, Oliver made it first: “They are, to be honest, usually pretty gay. Our fans are crazy, I can tell you. And if you want to be more entertained, just go to a site called Tumblr and put our band’s name in the search bar. You won’t be disappointed, I assure you.”

The newly learned facts just arose more interest in Richard. “That’s…fascinating,” he said and was about to start browsing his phone. This sounded way too juicy to skip. He could only wonder what kind of content there was about him on the Internet.

But before anything happened, Till took the phone from the guitarist’s hand and laughed out loud. “Guys, guys, seriously…just check your fanfictions, or whatever they are, later. Now we must concentrate on the show. Only a couple of weeks left, so we have to work hard to polish everything.”

“C’mon Till, you can’t say that you aren’t interested at all what our fans are writing about us!” Richard yelled while Till was busy hiding his phone.

“So, who wants to do the kissing? Any volunteers?” Till asked and didn’t mind about Richard’s piercing gaze. Their lead guitarist looked like a schoolkid whose dad had just taken his Gameboy away.

“So, you are not willing to do it?” Richard asked sarcastically.

“Well, if nobody else wants, I’m up for it, but I just wanted to be polite.”

Richard stood up and announced: “I’ll do it, if no one else wants.” The idea of being involved in fan stories was alluring indeed and besides, he liked to be the center of attention.

“Very well,” Till said.

“So, who am I gonna kiss?”

“You can choose yourself, of course.”

In his heart, Richard already knew the answer, but still, he tried to make the atmosphere tense and was acting like he had hard time choosing. “The one who will have the honor to be kissed by me, is…”

Richard looked one by one at all his familiar bandmembers gathered around the table. Flake was out of question. Oliver was like kissing a tablecloth, so not very tempting. Kissing Till was quite boring, and he was already busy enough on the stage. Schneider would have been a nice alternative, but he was behind the drums all the time, so it might be a bit difficult. That left him only one - and the best - alternative.

“…Paul,” he announced finally, smirking like an idiot to his fellow guitarist.

Till turned to Paul. How I am not surprised at all. “Is it okay for you? And of course, we can rehearse it and stuff, no worries about it.”

“Yeah, it’s…fine,” Paul answered, trying to sound cool even though he felt a bit unpleasant twitch in his stomach when he visualized the kissing with his fellow guitarist. Of course, they’d had that awkward semiromantic moment before when Richard had showed his outfits, but this time, it was going to be public, for thousands of people.

Richard winked to Paul. “So, when are we gonna rehearse this spectacular moment?”

The day was going to end soon, so to Paul’s relief, they didn’t have any time left. “Maybe tomorrow, I really have to get home soon.”

“So, tomorrow it is then. I cannot wait,” Richard whispered right in front of the other guitarist’s face.

Paul was now seriously thinking maybe he should stay at home tomorrow and lie that he has a stomach flu. Then, he wouldn’t have to come and they all could forget the idea.

[angrypixie-sarisa]

Quién Fuera

Piedras rodantes pt.11

Sam xMexican!witch!fem!readerx Dean (polyamorous)

Song recommendation (the one of the title): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdRsnvz_ZXg 

description of this part: remember the four horsemen? Remember that episode with famine? I do.

warnings: flansgt? cursing. Lucifer appears, famine too. Full disclosure, I cannot bring myself to hate Lucifer because of the foz show adopted by Netflix, but it doesn’t mean that I’m describing him as a totally innocent character.  

Also couldn’t find a sad hug GIF that best described this so I used rain. 

Not my GIF, credits and love to the owner

They were voices, voices calling your name with an unnerving calmness. The words ran down your spine slowly, accompanied by the drops of your cold sweat. You tossed in bed; clutching the covers hard. You covered your head, maybe that way you’ll get some heat into your body. But the voices wouldn’t stop.

You kept opening and closing your eyes. Your heart wanted to run out of your chest. Your head hurt and your eyes burned. This was not normal.

Stop thinking. I can’t. You must. Why is this happening? Honey, listen, take deep breaths, you’re going to be fine. You obeyed yourself and started to take in shaky breaths in. They slowly became more stable. You placed a hand in your chest, over your heart. You imagined it glowing brighter with every inhale and a little less bright with every exhale. You imagined it until it happened. Under the covers a beautiful light illuminated your small sanctuary; it shined a light pink tone, like the pink of quartz.

That feels more like us.

You got the covers off of you, sat down and turned on your bedside lamp. Your chest still glowed, but it would go away, eventually. You cupped your hands and held them close to your chest, as if you were holding your heart soothingly in them.

“¿Qué pasó mi amor? ¿Por qué nos pusimos así?” You hadn’t had a caffeinated coffee in the evening, nor did you had dinner late or ate heavily before going to sleep. So, why?

You heard a silent laugh come from one of the corners of your room. Your blood went cold immediately. It was an unknown laugh.

“Ah, that’s why.” You said, though your voice hardly held the sweetness it had moments ago.

A man came out of the dark into the light. He was…handsome and not human. He had an unsettling aura around him, like demons did, yet there was something rather enticing about him. He wasn’t a demon. He was an angel, more like an archangel. And which archangel would have an unsettling aura that almost matches a demon’s?

“Hello, Lucifer.” The man stopped in his tracks, standing in front of you. A smile grew big in his face.

“They told me you were a tough one to break. I was growing disappointed on you until you calmed down. Definitely filled the expectations.” He sat down in the bed, a foot away from you.

“Well, I would’ve certainly put up more of a fight if I knew you were coming.” He laughed again.

“I see I can safely say you’re not like the others.” You rolled your eyes.

“Seriously? Don’t say that, you sound like a fuckboy. What do you want?” The devil shrugged.

“To meet you, that’s all. Can’t I meet the girl that makes Sam Winchester breathless?” You furrowed your brow, glaring at him.

“No, seriously, what do you want?” You got up from bed and went to your kitchen. You would need a tea to fall back asleep. And that confused Lucifer. So far no one had ever dared to turn their back on him or treat him lightheartedly, like he wasn’t a big of a deal. He followed you to your kitchen and watched curious as you filled a kettle with water and turned on the stove to boil it.

“I’m just curious.” He answered as he took a sit at your kitchen table.

“La curiosidad mato al gato.” You muttered.

“Pero murió sabiendo.” He said back. Now that was a surprise. You turned quickly to look at him and saw him shrug his shoulders.

“I’m a divine creature, we know different languages.” You hummed suspiciously. When your kettle started whistling, you took it out of the flames, turned off the stove and poured the water in a mug with one of your homemade tea bags in it.

“There are rumors that you’re a powerful witch.”

“There are rumors about lots of things, not all of them are true.” Suddenly, he was at your side, leaning in close, looking deep into your eyes.

“So are you saying you’re not powerful, darling?” Out of reflex, you put a hand on his face and pushed him away swiftly.

“Cabrón, espacio personal, por favor. Es muy temprano para estas mamadas.” His face was colored red of embarrassment. What was with this human? Who did she think she was to do that to him?

You felt his heavy glare on you, but you couldn’t give a shit. You glared back, making sure to keep up with his eye contact.

“O te comportas o te vas. Yo no estoy aquí para andar aguantando estas chingaderas.” You took a sip of your tea, still glaring at him dead in the eye. Lucifer was the first one to break eye contact. He shrugged and took a sit at the nearest chair.

“Okay.” He appeared in front of him a plate with a pan dulce on top of it. A concha, to be more specific. He took a bite, moaning at the flavor of the bread.

“So, you asked what I’m doing here. Simple…” He said with a full mouth. He took a pause to swallow his food then continued his sentence. “I want you in my team.” You scoffed.

“Aw, that’s sweet, but no thanks. I don’t take teams. Whatever you’re doing, it’s not my problem.”

“Oh but it is. You see, this is all because of you, humans. The hairless apes that father always favored so…” You rolled your eyes. Here we go again.

“Yeah, that’s bullshit.” Once again, the devil found himself surprised.

“You angels and demons act like it all comes down to humanity, that we humans are nothing but pawns in your game and that we have to serve you. And that’s bullshit. All of this is nothing but some selfish case. You want hell on earth and your siblings want to stop you because >>Daddy’s orders << and you get mad at humans because we were the big guy’s favorite and take him and his beautiful creation for granted. And to be honest, I’m mad at humans too, for that specific reason. But I don’t think hell on earth or a fucking apocalypse is the solution. And also, for been divine creatures and all, you are pretty impatient and hold grudges really easy. Talk about example. Did I leave something unsaid, uncovered?” You arched your eyebrow at his thunderstruck face. Just when he went to open his mouth, something crossed your mind. </p>

“Actually, never mind. There are always gonna be unsaid words. That was a stupid question.” He was mute. He never had anyone talk to him like that before, never founded someone who wasn’t afraid of him and not a worshipper at the same time. As if you could see right through him. His lackeys had warned him about that and still, here he was, falling in the trap like everyone else.

Your gaze softened. Was that…sympathy? Empathy?

“Look, I know everyone places you like the bad guy. I know you’re tired of that and that it’s easier to just go by it than to make them understand. Believe me when I say that I get it, you’re trying your best. I understand.” He squinted. He felt like he knew you. He definitely knew you from somewhere, but he couldn’t pin it. Without saying a word, Lucifer disappeared in the blink of an eye. And your kitchen fell silent again.

 ++++++++++++++++++++++

You made yourself comfy in your bed. You took deep breaths, clenching your hands when inhaling and unclenching when exhaling. Then you relaxed into your bed and pillows and drift off into sleep.

Usually, your mind took you places, like a beach or a forest, a lake or a river. This time it was all white, infinite and empty, except for an old and sick looking man, sitting in a wheelchair and looking at you.

You smiled softly. Looks like it’s gonna be a busy night. You approached the man and conjured a chair beside his. You took a sit and stared into the void.

“Hi, Famine.” The old man smiled weakly.

“Ah yes, the witch. Tell me, what brings you here with me?” You shrugged.

“You tell me, I was just going to sleep. For what it looks like, I think you were pulling me towards you. Anything you wanna talk about?”

“Oh, I’m already dying, darling. I don’t think I wanna waste my time talking.” You hummed and kept looking into the distance. This place is so boring.  Slowly, you imagined a dessert, with sandy dunes and a few trees in the distance. A starry night slowly made its way on top of your heads until you were both engulfed by the magnificent dessert.

“Oh, the dessert, a famish landscape. Good choice.” You shrugged and relaxed, hearing the noises of nearby rattlesnakes, coyotes, insects and mice. You kept silence, comfortable with it and aware that not everyone liked to co-exist with silence.

“Why are you doing this?” Famine asked, bothered. You placed your right hand in the sand; a rattle snake slowly climbed it, moving towards your shoulders and into your left arm before going back into the dessert.

“You want to talk; you just need time to open up. In the mid-time, I wanna enjoy the scenery of a beautiful ecosystem.”

“You mean dying ecosystem.” You shook your head.

“It’s not dying. It’s rich in minerals, it has plants and animals. They are made for this place and just because it isn’t full with water it doesn’t mean that it’s dead and ugly.” A coyote neared cautiously. You stayed still until they felt comfortable, rubbing their head on your arm, asking for pets. You complied with their demands, petting their head.

“It doesn’t matter; you are all going to die.” The coyote growled at famine, showing their teeth. You hushed them softly, whispering “It’s okay”, until they calmed. However, deciding they didn’t want to be there anymore they went away.

“That’s what’s bothering you?”

“It bothers me how incredibly naïve and stupid humanity can be. You think you’re safe, you let the people at the bottom die and then blame it on us. But when we take action, you get mad. Hypocrites.” You took in his words and smiled, confusing him.

“I know. We are the worst aren’t we? We think our problems have to do with an external factor or entity rather than accept that we cause our own apocalypse. We are the children of the universe and haven’t learned a single thing about owning our mistakes and learn from them, making ourselves better.” That’s when he looked at you. You were smiling at the stars. You’re optimism was untouched.

“So, you agree?” You turned to look at him.

“I don’t condone the methods you’re using or the suffering of another being, for that matter. But I understand. I understand the lesson, not the cause.” He then rolled his eyes.

“You’re useless.” You laughed, throwing your head back. You got up from your chair and starting walking towards a manifested door a few feet in front of you.

“Have a great night. And please, don’t harm the animals.” You opened the door and stepped right through it, not waiting for his answer.

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You woke up slowly this time. You took a deep breath and blinked several times before sighing and looking into your nightstand clock, it was really late.

You rubbed your eyes and yawned before a chill ran down your spine. Instantly, your mind went to Sam and you couldn’t help but picture him crying.

As fast as you could you grabbed a jacket and put on your flip-flops. You neared the nearest closed door and tried to channel Sam’s energy. You concentrated on his figure and his surroundings until they became clearer and clearer.

You took a deep breath and opened the door. The sight in front of you was worse than what you were imagining. He was sitting all the way down to the floor, hugging his legs up to his chest and head buried in between. His form trembled and every now and then you could hear a tiny sob escaping his lips.

You took a step and passed through the veil. You cautiously, but loud enough to catch his attention, approached him. His head jerked in panic and when his eyes landed on your figure his panic only intensified.

“Y/N?” He asked, fear written in his words and his voice sounded sore.

“Hey, it’s me, Sammy. I’m here.” You kneeled in front of him. His eyes were injected red, he had been crying for quite long.

Slowly, his hand reached out and cupped your cheek, as if to verify that you were indeed real.

Flashes of what had happened invaded you, famine, the town, his hunger for demon blood and the remorse that made his stomach recoil.

“You’re really here? But…” As the images stopped showing, you turned to look at him. He wasn’t having the best night of sleep either.

In a matter of seconds, his arms hugged you close to him; he hugged your waist tight and buried his face in your chest. He cried out, not caring anymore if his sobs were loud or not. You could feel his heavy tears lading on your skin and streaming down their own path.

You placed your hands in his head and buried your fingers in his hair, caressing it softly.

“I did something really bad. I-I just couldn’t resist; the hunger… I feel-I feel really… Everybody always told me. They told me. But I didn’t… I didn’t listen… I-I didn’t feel like there was something wrong with it, until…. I…” You shushed softly at his words.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” His tears continued. Oh,mi pobrecito Sam.

“It’s not your fault, Sammy. This was famine’s doing. You have nothing to do with this. Mi vida, I know you’ll be okay. Not because you’re a hunter or a Winchester. You’re Sam. That’s what matters. You decide who you want to be. Don’t ever let them tell you who you are. Mandalos a chingar a su madre.” You ran your fingernails lightly through his hair and neck. He stopped sobbing, a signal that he was listening to you.

You took his chin in both your hands and lifted it up so you could look at his face. He had that puppy face on; it crushed your heart to see his face all stained with tears and puffed eyes, a big frown and a trembling lip.

You passed your thumb softly through his brow, to which he closed his eyes, relaxing slightly at the touch.

“You’re too pretty to frown, mi corazón.” He didn’t laugh or smile, yet the atmosphere of the situation felt less chaotic and overwhelming, like a sea storm that slowly calms away. And he didn’t ask, he just relaxed at your ever tranquil touch, but you started singing as you cupped his cheeks and brushed away the remaining tears.

“Estoy buscando una palabra en el umbral de tu misterio. ¿Quién fuera Alibabá? ¡Quién fuera el mítico Simbad? ¿Quién fuera un poderoso sortilegio? ¿Quién fuera encantador? Corazón, corazón, oscuro. Corazón, corazón con muros. Corazón, que se esconde, corazón, que está donde, corazón, corazón en fuga, herido de dudas de amor.” Your chest started glowing and to Sam’s surprise, his too. In the end, there were no more tears, not even the bittersweet aftertaste of crying, just two people and one sweet kiss. In between that kiss, Sam could swear, he could hear the song, the guitar, in his head. He could swear he could feel the vibrations in his chest and he could swear, for that tiny moment, everything was perfect.

[ambssssssssss]

I Was Made For Loving You

Summary: A series of moments missing from the finale, before the time skip, beginning with Juliana's reaction to Val's interview.

Part 1 of Eso Es Amor

Word Count: ~6300

Read on AO3 

I’m not into labels, but it’s true I’m in love with a woman and her name is Juliana Valdés.

I’m in love with a woman.

I’m in love with a woman named Juliana Valdes

Valentina’s words rang in Juliana’s ears like a broken record on a loop, barely audible over the beating of her heart in her ears. She had done it. Valentina had faced her fears. Juliana knew Val was scared about their relationship being brought into the limelight and Juliana understood. The Carvajal family had had enough scandals to last a lifetime, and that was just the ones the public already knew about. Juliana could only imagine what would happen if the media found out about the whole transmigration of souls that had happened. Valentina had already suffered so much in so little time, losing her father and then gaining him back only to lose Lucia, who Juliana knew Valentina cared for as much as she did her father. Juliana didn’t want to add to the stress Valentina felt, even though it hurt to not be with her. Juliana could deal with a little pain as long it meant Val would be okay.

Valentina’s words pushed Juliana’s pain away as easily as a feather blows in the wind, twisting her emotions and spinning them around until Juliana could feel only warmth. Valentina admitted she loved her, she faced the country and stood tall. Juliana knew what Val was really doing by appearing on TV, not just making Juliana’s wish to announce their love to the world come true, but Valentina was telling Juliana that she was ready. She bared herself to the world while placing her heart in Juliana’s hands. Juliana promised herself right then that she would protect Valentina’s heart with everything that she has.

“I can’t believe she did that,” Lupe said, reminding Juliana that her mother was sitting beside her and had also heard Valentina’s confession. Juliana looked at her mother and saw a wide smile splitting Lupe’s face. Her eyes danced with mirth as she turned to look at Juliana. “I told you that girl was serious about you.”

“Ma,” Juliana groaned but she couldn’t hold back her own grin. Before she could say anything, her phone beeped in her pocket and Juliana shifted a bit so she could pull it out.

Val: Can we talk? <3

Juls: I”m on my way. XX

“I’ve got to go,” Juliana said, standing up quickly and shoving her phone back in her pocket, “Val wants to talk.”

“Wait, wait one second,” Lupe pulled on Juliana’s arm to get her to sit down again. Once Juliana was back on the couch, Lupe shifted so she and her daughter were face to face. “Before you go, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know I didn’t understand what you felt for Valentina at first, but I do now. I’m so proud of you, Juliana, for letting yourself be loved the way you deserve to be.” Lupe pulled her daughter into a hug, squeezing her shoulders tightly. “I love you, mija.”

“I love you, too, Mom.” Juliana kissed her mother’s cheek before pulling back. Lupe offered her a warm smile, brushing her hand through Juliana’s hair before dropping it to her arm and squeezing.

“Now, go tell that girl how much you love her.”

Juliana smiled, hastily throwing on her jacket and grabbing her phone and keys, leaving her mother on the couch as she left their apartment. Valentina was waiting for her, and Juliana didn’t want to waste any more time.

~

Chivis answered the door when Juliana knocked, ushering the girl in with a kind smile and directing her too the pool area before she could even ask where Valentina was. Juliana nodded her thanks and moved to step pass Silvina, stopping when she felt a hand on her arm. Juliana stood still as Silvina’s eyes bore into her own, searching for something. She seemed to have found what she was looking for and a few seconds later she released Juliana’s arms.

“Take care of her.” Chivis stepped out of the way so Juliana could continue further into the house. She didn’t encounter anyone else as she walked which surprised her. She thought she might run into Guille or Eva or even Jacobo but it seemed Valentina was the only Carvajal home. Juliana followed the familiar path to the pool, her steps slowing slightly as Valentina came into view.

She stood by the edge of the pool, one arm crossed over her chest as she absently pulled at the tips of her hair. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, blue eyes unfocused as they stared at the unmoving surface of the pool. She looked even more beautiful than she had on the television and Juliana took a moment to just look at Valentina. This was the Valentina she fell in love with, open and caring, the Valentina who was learning to live with the pain she felt. The Valentina who taught Juliana that it’s okay to let people in, to be open to love.

Just as Juliana is about to call out to Val and announce her presence, she glances up and their eyes meet. Juliana can see Valentina’s shoulders rise sharply as she takes in a deep breath, a nervous grin making its way across her lips. “Juliana,”

“Val,” Juliana isn’t sure who moved first but finds that she doesn’t really care because a moment later the distance between herself and Val has closed. They fall into the embrace, clinging to one another tightly, as if they’re afraid the other will disappear if they let go. “Val,”

“Juls,” Val’s voice comes out in a low whisper to match Juliana’s tone, spoken into her hair, “Juls, I-”

“I know.” Juliana pulls back slightly so she can look Val in the eyes. “I saw your interview.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you I was going to do that. I wasn’t planning on saying your name on live television but I couldn’t stop myself.” Valentina shook her head slightly, looking down to avoid Juliana’s gaze.

“Val, no, don’t apologize.” Juliana kept her voice soft as she lifted one hand from Val’s waist to cup her face. “Val, hey, mírame.” Their eyes met again as Juliana’s thumb traced a pathway on the skin behind Valentina’s ear. “I’m not upset about what you said.”

“I meant every word.” Valentina whispered, leaning into the palm caressing her face. “I need you to know that.”

“Yo sé, Val,” Juls sighed softly as she pressed her forehead to Val’s. “I’m so proud of you for facing your fears like that. I know you must have been scared.”

“I was, at first, scared that I was making a huge mistake or break us beyond repair,” Valentina admitted, “but I’m not anymore. Not with you here, with me.” Valentina’s eyes feel closed and Juliana hummed as their noses brushed together. She could feel Val’s breath against her lips with each exhale, their bodies so close together Juls could feel their chests rising and falling in tandem. “I think I can do anything, as long as I have you.”

“You’ll always have me, Valentina.” Juliana promised softly. “You were right, about all of this being meant to be. Too much has happened for it to be a coincidence. This,” Juliana stroked Val’s cheek until she opened her eyes again, “this is destiny. You can never break us beyond repair, because I was made for loving you, Valentina, and that’s what I’m going to do for as long as you’ll let me.”

Valentina’s hands gripped Juliana’s waist softly, holding her as close as possible and feeling her heart stutter in her chest at Juliana’s words. She could see the truth behind them in her eyes, the certainty Juliana felt that matched Val’s own, wave for wave.

“Te amo, Juliana,” Juliana smiled as the weight of Val’s love settled on her shoulders like a warm blanket on the coldest night, warming Juliana to her core.

“Te amo, Valentina.” She felt Valentina release a shuddering breath as her arms tightened around Juliana’s waist. “Te amo, mi amor.”

They leaned in at the same time, eyes falling closed as their lips met. Juliana pressed her closer to Valentina, pouring every ounce of love she felt for the girl holding her into their kiss and feeling every bit of it returned equally as Val held her tighter. They kissed without shame, without fear of being caught, without the weight of Juliana leaving or Valentina holding back to keep Juls safe hanging over them. It felt like the first time they kissed, in the pool not even five feet away. It felt like a new beginning, a promise that they would face everything else the world had to throw at them together.

“I want to be with you, Juliana. I love you, more than anything, and I want the world to know.”

“I thought we already covered that part?” Juliana teased, grinning as Valentina rolled her eyes. Juliana couldn’t help the giggle that slipped past her lips but she kept anymore from following as Val met her gaze again.

“No,” Val whined slightly which made Juliana smile wider, “I mean I want to be with you, Juliana. I want to face whatever comes next with you by my side. I want you to be my girlfriend.” Valentina’s smile matched the one Juls wore. “I’m asking you to stay with me, por favor. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Si, Vale,” Juliana answered without hesitation. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend!”

Valentina’s smile shone brighter than the sun as she hugged Juliana close, making her new girlfriend release a surprised squeak when Val suddenly picks her up and twirls her in a circle. They’re both laughing as Val sets her back on her feet, steadying her with a hand on her waist. They kiss again, sloppily as their lips refuse to stop smiling and laughter continues to rise from their throats.

“I hate to interrupt,” a masculine voice called out as a two more people entered the pool area with the couple, “but I think congratulation are in order.”

“Thanks, Guille,” Valentina smiled at her brother and Renata. She and Juliana turned to face the other couple, Val’s arm sliding around Juliana’s shoulder as Juls left hers around Val’s waist.

“I’m glad to see you happy again, hermanita.” Guille offered her a smile before his gaze turned to Juliana. “She’s a handful, Juliana. I hope you’re ready.”

“I am,” Juliana said, laughing when Renata elbowed Guille in the side for his teasing.

“I’m so happy for both of you.” Renata stepped closer and pulled Valentina into a hug while Guille did the same to Juliana, switching a second later.

“I’m glad Val won’t be alone when we leave.” Guille said, leading the group back into the main house.

“Leave? Where are you going?” Juliana asked as they sat on the couches in the living room, her hand finding Val’s as she sat down beside her.

“We’re taking a vacation,” Guille smiled at his girlfriend, “travelling for a year and seeing where we end up.”

“Sounds exciting,” Juliana could see that both Guille and Renata were overjoyed just thinking about their trip.

“It is, but with Jacobo leaving, Eva in prison and Mateo moving out, it’ll just be little Vale here all by her lonesome.” Guille winked at his sister who rolled her eyes.

“Something tells me she won’t be as alone as you think.” Renata whispered, low enough that Val and Juls wouldn’t hear her. Not that they were paying attention to what Renata was saying, they were too busy having a silent conversation of their own. Renata could see that Val had clenched her jaw slightly, her eyes losing some of their glow. Juliana squeezed Val’s hand softly, not looking away until Val nodded.

“So when does your trip start?” Valentina asked as her silent conversation with Juliana ended and she turned to look at her brother and Renata. Juliana kept her gaze focused on Valentina for another moment before turning as well.

“We’ll leave in the morning,” Renata enformed them with a smile, “all of my bags are packed into one of the cars already, Guille will add his in the morning.”

“So soon?” Juls asked lightly, eyebrows raised in curiosity. Guille and Renata looked at one another for a moment before shrugging slightly.

“We’re just ready for a break.” Juliana nodded in understanding, leaning back into Valentina without pushing for more information. Valentina had relaxed slightly as Juliana pressed against her, but here eyes still had a far off quality to them.

“Well, then, we should do something tonight. Just the four of us.” Valentina spoke up, “if you guys want to that is. Maybe just dinner and movie here?”

“That sounds perfect, Val.” Guille smiled at his sister, watching as she nudged her nose against Juliana’s hair softly. She was happier than he had ever seen, and Guille knew he had the woman sitting beside her to thank for that, but she also seemed sad. There was something on her mind, Guille could tell, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Guille hated to see his sister sad and hoped she’d open up to Juliana. Watching them together, Guille was sure Juliana would be ready and waiting whenever Valentina decided she was ready to talk things through, offering his sister a shoulder to cry on and all the comfort in the world. It made him happy to know he wasn’t leaving Valentina all on her own, otherwise he wouldn’t want to leave.

~

Valentina felt like she was living in a dream, too good to be real. Juliana was here, always close by, anchoring Val to her by their joined hands or linked arms. She could Juliana’s warmth beside her as they stood in the kitchen with Guille and Renata, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Valentina felt like it was the first time they could really be together, openly. There was no one there to judge them when Valentina wrapped her arms around Juls’ waist to hold her close, no one threatening them as they stand close together and get lost in the love they shared. Valentina felt like a piece of her life had finally slotted into place, filling a space Val hadn’t known was empty until she met the girl in her arms.

It still didn’t feel real as she and Juliana curled up together on the couch to watch whatever movie Guille and Renata picked. Even with Juliana’s warmth pressed against Val’s chest, their bodies positioned on the couch so they could lay side by side, Valentina securing Juliana by wrapping both arms around her and holding her close, Val had trouble convincing herself she wasn’t dreaming. That she wouldn’t wake up at any moment, alone in her bedroom with only her thoughts for company. That she hadn’t lost everything, all over again.

Valentina didn’t think she could survive if she lost Juliana, too. Not after losing her father, gaining him back, and then losing him again as he left to embrace his second chance. Not after watching her step-mother die on the lawn, then confronting her murderer seconds later. Not after watching her sister being escorted out of the house, her hands cuffed together and a police officer on either side of her. She couldn’t take anymore heartbreak, not now. She wasn’t sure her heart was completely back together yet in the first place, anymore loss would shatter it into a million pieces. Valentina didn’t know if she would ever recover from something like that and it terrified her.

“Val, amor,” Juliana’s voice pulled Valentina from her thoughts and she hummed in response. Guille and Renata were in the process of standing up from the other couch, blinking wearily as their gaze shifted to look at the two women. “What’s wrong, love?”

“What? Nothing.” Val surprised herself with how rough her voice came out. She shook her head slightly and tried to focus her gaze on Juliana. Absently, Val realized the tv screen was black once again. “I’m fine.”

“You’re crying,” Juls whispered, turning in Val’s arms so she could wipe her tears away. Valentina’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she registered the moisture on her cheeks.

“I - I don’t-” Val sat up slowly and wiped at her cheeks. She hadn’t noticed when she started crying, but judging by how damp her face felt, it must have been happening for a good while. “I don’t know wh-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay,” Juliana sat up as well, cupping Valentina’s face as her lower lip started to tremble. There was movement behind her, someone coming closer then stopping suddenly. That was followed by retreating footsteps and Juliana knew Guille and Renata had left them alone in the living room. Tears fell from faster from Valentina’s eyes and she squeezed them shut. Juliana reacted quickly, maneuvering their bodies so she could hold Valentina against her chest. “Val, shh, tranquila, mi amor. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Juliana’s heart clenched painfully in her chest as Valentina released a gut wrenching sob, clinging to Juliana tightly. Her shoulders shook as she cried, Juliana whispered soft words comfort in her ears, stroking her hair, her back, her arms, anywhere she could reach. She knew Val hadn’t really been paying attention to the movie. Initially, Juls had thought Val had fallen asleep until she felt warm drops of liquid falling into her hair. Juliana silently chastised herself for not realizing Val was upset earlier, for not insisting they talk about everything that had happened. She should have known Val would think about it and start spiralling.

Slowly, Val’s shoulders stopped shaking, her breathing started to come evenly again. She sniffled against Juli’s neck and pulled back to wipe at her eyes. Juliana waited until she was sure Val was okay enough to speak, tenderly brushing her hair behind her ear with one hand.

“Lo siento,”

“No, Val, don’t apologize.” Juliana shook her head, rubbing her thumb against Valentina’s cheekbone. “Just tell me what’s upsetting you, por favor.”

“Nothing, everything, no sé,” Valentina sighed heavily, “honestly, I didn’t even realize I was crying until you said something. So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“What are you feeling right now?” Juliana asked softly, her soft stroking of Val’s cheek never faltering.

“Tired,” Val admitted, “scared.”

“Scared?” Val nodded, leaning into Juliana’s palm. She found Juliana’s free hand with her own and locked their fingers together. “Of what, amor?”

“That this isn’t real. That I’ll wake up and be alone. That everyone I love is gone or leaving and they won’t come back.”

“Oh, Val,” Juliana whispers, scooting as close to Valentina as she can and wrapping her in her arms. Her mind goes back to their last conversation, standing in Juliana’s kitchen in an awkward limbo between wanting to be together and actually being together. She remembers the fear in Valentina’s eyes when Juliana mentioned Chino’s threats. Valentina’s insistence that nothing mattered more than keeping Juliana and her own family safe. Safe meant alive, safe was supposed to mean together, except it didn’t. For Valentina, safe meant staying away from the woman she loved. It meant isolating herself, encouraging her family to do what was right for them because Val’s heart is so big and loving, she can’t stand to see the people she cares about suffer. She knows Val’s biggest fear is losing the people she loves, she’s seen how loss affects Val and the dark places she’ll go to cope.

“Val, you’re not alone, you’re not going to be alone.” Juls promises in a low, soothing tone.

“I am alone, Juliana. My step-mom is dead, my father’s gone, my sister being sent to prison and my brother is leaving. I know I can’t change what happened to Lucia or what’s happening to Eva and I could never deny my dad the second chance he so desperately wants. And I can’t hold Guille back from following his true love, not when I know I would do the exact same thing if you wanted to travel the world. I know all of that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less knowing that my family is leaving me behind.” Valentina’s tears have started falling again and she wipes at them angrily, pulling out of Juliana’s arms to stand. She makes her way over to the window and looks out across the dark lawn. She crosses her arms of her chest, covering her mouth with hand and holding back the sobs that try to escape her throat again.

Juliana approaches her slowly, unsure if her girlfriend wants to be touched any more. It breaks her heart to see Valentina in so much pain, especially like this. This is the kind of pain that can’t be shoved off or dealt with easily. This is more than emotional pain, it’s a deep ache that Juliana thinks has probably been building for months and Valentina just can’t hold it back anymore. Valentina is hurting right down to her very soul and Juliana feels powerless to help her. She feels tears well up in her own eyes but refuses to let them fall. The last thing Val needs is a reason to ignore her pain and Juliana knows that’s exactly what Val will do if Juliana sheds a tear on her behalf. Instead, Juliana takes a deep, steadying breath and steps up behind Valentina.

Their height difference is not as pronounced as it was earlier, now that they’re both barefoot. Juliana slowly circles her arms around Valentina’s waist, giving her time to move away if she doesn't want to be held. She almost expects Val to step away from her, but she’s glad when Val does the opposite. As soon as she feels Juliana’s arms around her again, Valentina turns to face her. Her head falls to Juliana’s shoulder and she nuzzles into her neck, tucking against the crook where the neck and shoulder meet. Juliana feels the skin there grow damp with tears.

“I’m here, Val. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.” Juliana holds her girlfriend tight and can feel Val nod against her neck.

“Te amo.” Juliana feels Valentina whisper the words into her neck and she kisses Val’s head. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“No, Val, don’t-” Juliana shifts back and uses one hand to cup Valentina’s chin, trying to get her to look her in the eyes. Blue eyes fall shut instead - “Mírame, Val, por favor,” Juliana requests softly, waiting for Valentina’s eyes to open. When they finally do, Juliana is greeted by the clearest, brightest blue she’s ever seen and something in her breaks because she knows Val’s only shine in that way when she’s upset. “Valentina, I need you to promise me something, okay? Promise me that you won’t ever apologize for how you feel.”

“Juliana, I -” Valentina sounds like she wants to protests but Juliana cuts her off.

“No, Val, listen to me,” Juliana’s unable to stop the tears in her owns eyes from falling but she ignores the wetness on her cheek in favor of cupping Val’s face with both hands. “I know you, Val, and I know how you hide what you feel to make everyone around you happy. You don’t ever have to do that with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. Please, Val, let yourself feel. You can cry and scream and yell, you won’t scare me off. I’m here and I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Valentina seemed stunned by Juliana’s words, her tears falling silently and being instantly wiped away by the pad of Juliana’s thumb.

“Let yourself be loved, Valentina.” There’s a ghost of a smile that pulls up the corners of Valentina’s lips. Juliana’s words take her back, before everything with transmigration happened and Val lost so much again. It was a simpler time then, just Valentina desperately wanting to take care of the girl she cared so much for. She can see the same desperation she felt that day so long ago reflected in the deep brown of Juliana’s eyes now.

Overwhelmed by the turmoil of emotions still rolling in her heart, Valentina can only nod in response. She finally uncrosses her arms and hugs Juliana back, hands slipping beneath the jacket Juliana wore to hold her closer. She feels Juliana press a kiss to her shoulder, a mumbled declaration of love is whispered against the skin of her neck. There’s still an ache in Val’s chest, a sense of hurt and abandonment that can’t be healed so quickly, but Val knows it won’t last forever. Not with Juliana around to love her so fiercely.

This, Valentina thinks, this is why we’re meant to be. Because Valentina can’t imagine ever loving or being loved in return by anyone else in this beautiful, scary, all-consuming way. She feels as if everything in her life had lead to this moment. All the pain she suffered and joy she experienced, every single thing that happened in Valentina’s life, happened so she could end up right where she was. I was made for loving you. Juliana’s words from earlier rang in Valentina’s ears like a phoenix song, lifting her spirit and helping dry her tears.

Juliana isn’t sure how long they stand there, wrapped up on one another. The sun had faded over the horizon sometime during the movie and Juliana couldn’t be bothered to keep track of the time when Valentina was in such a state. Both of their cheeks are dry, wet patches on shirts and red-rimmed eyes leading to tear-streak cheeks the only evidence left behind of their tears. Without realizing it, Valentina matched Juliana breath for breath, their chests rising and falling in tandem. She almost doesn’t want to end their embrace, but she knows it’s probably getting late and she doesn’t want to assume Juliana will stay the night just because they’re officially dating now. She knows that the comfort of Juliana’s love with linger, even if the girl herself leaves for home. Secure in that knowledge, Valentina inhales deeply through her nose and then slowly lifts her head off Juliana’s shoulder.

“Gracias, Juliana.” She says softly, knowing Juliana will understand that she’s thanking her for more than holding her, for more than what she said before. Juliana smiles at her, warm and bright and Valentina can’t help but lean in to kiss her. The dance their lips perform is still new, still almost hesitant at times, but each kiss they share thrills Valentina. Juliana’s embrace feels like coming home. “It’s getting late,” Valentina says when they pull apart again, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check the time and ignoring the numerous notifications that fill her screen.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Juliana questions as she slides her hands up and down Val’s arms. Valentina hummed softly and nodded her head.

“I guess your mom is expecting you to be home soon?”

Juliana shook her head. “I texted her before we started the movie,” she explains, her smile growing as Val grins at her. “I told you I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

“I want you right here,” Val winds her arms around Juliana’s waist, “with me. Always.”

“Then, that’s where I’ll be.” Juliana loops her own arms around Valentina’s neck. They rested their foreheads together, taking a moment to breathe each other in. They were together, finally, truly together. Although they didn’t speak, a promise was made in that embrace, a promise to hold on, to fight for what they had because it was beautiful and worth fighting for.

Valentina kissed Juliana’s nose, making her giggle, and then took her hand and lead her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Juliana shed her jacket and hung it up next to Val’s while the girl herself dug through her drawers for two sets of sleep clothes. She handed Juliana a pair of grey sweatpants and a light red t-shirt and offered the bathroom to her first. Juliana smiled as she took the clothes, grabbing Val’s wrist and pulling her in for a kiss for no other reason than Juliana wanted to kiss her. She pulled back and ducked into the restroom, changing and brushing her teeth before stepping back into Val’s bedroom. Val has already changed into her own pajamas and stands at the foot of the bed, frowning at her phone.

“Val, is everything okay?” Juliana asks as she takes a seat on Val’s bed.

“It’s fine,” Val locks her phone and turns to plug it in to the charger, “nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.” Val pauses as she turns back around, her breath momentarily getting caught in her throat. It’s not the first time she’s seen Juliana in her clothes, not by a long shot. They’d been exchanging clothes for weeks, months, even, but it feels different this time. Maybe it’s because it isn’t Val’s friend Juliana wearing her clothes. It’s Val’s girlfriend. Her girlfriend, Juliana, wearing her clothes and sitting on her bed, looking at Val with curious and amused eyes. “Make yourself at home, I’ll be right back.”

Valentina can hear Juliana giggling as she ducks into the bathroom and Val leans against the door. She takes a deep breath and releases it through her nose. There’s still turmoil in her chest, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to consume her anymore. It’s present but less and Valentina knows she’s going to sleep peacefully, if only because she knows she won’t be alone. Knowing Juliana is waiting for her, Val quickly completes her nightly routine and steps back into the bedroom.

Juliana lays on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom, the side she ended up on the last time she stayed the night. She’s looking at something on her phone but glances up as Val steps fully into the room. There’s a smile on her lips as Val turns out the lights and climbs into bed beside her girlfriend. Valentina can see the moment Juliana starts to panic slightly, unsure how to situate herself. The last time they shared a bed, they weren’t thinking about what they should or shouldn’t do, they just did what felt right. Valentina offered Juliana a comforting smile as she moved closer. Her head came to rest on Juliana’s chest and she draped an arm over her waist. Her nose pressed against the skin of Juliana’s neck and nuzzled closer. Juliana’s arms shifted beneath her, curling around her back as her other hand tangled their fingers together over her stomach.

“Sueños buenos, chiquita. Te amo.” Valentina punctuated her words with a kiss to Juliana’s neck. Juliana kissed her forehead in return.

“Duerma bien, mi amor.”

~

The light had returned to his sister’s eye, Guille noticed the next morning as she and Juliana came down the stairs together. He wished them both a good morning and gestured for them to join he and Renata for breakfast. The four of them made idle chit-chat for a little while as they ate, Val and Guille trading teasing jabs in between bites while Juliana and Renata rolled their eyes at their respective partner.

“Have you checked your phone today, hermanita?” Guille questioned towards the end of the meal. “From what I’ve seen, you caused quite a media storm.”

“Better a storm than another scandal,” Valentina said and pulled out her phone. Juliana leaned over to look as well. “The girl who stole the Carvajal Princess’s heart, Mexico wants to know: Who is Juliana Valdés?” Valentina read the headline out loud, scrolling briefly through the first of several articles on the topic.

“You’ll probably be expected to make a statement sometime soon,” Renata said, “with Groupo Carvajal or another media outlet.”

“I still can’t believe you came out on national television,” Guille said, “that took a lot of strength.”

“I had to do something,” Valentina’s hand found Juliana’s under the table, “it was going to come out anyway, I just thought it was better to do it on our own terms.”

“I’m glad you did it,” Juliana said and squeezed Val’s hand, “now the whole world knows you’re mine.” Valentina blushed but leaned over to kiss Juliana anyway while Guille and Renata laughed.

“You don’t think it’s crazy?” Valentina asked after pulling away.

“Oh, it’s completely crazy,” Juliana smiled, “but I’m still glad you did it.” Valentina kissed her again.

“Well, mi amor, the car is already packed. Are we ready to go?” Guille asked as they finished eating. “We don’t want to miss our flight.”

“Where are you guys headed first?” Valentina asked as she and Juliana stood from the table to walk Guille and Renata out.

“Rome,” Renata answered, “I’ve always wanted to see the Coliseum, and then maybe Paris or London. We haven’t decided yet.”

“You’ll have to keep us updated, and send lots of pictures.”

“We will, hermanita, I promise.” Guille slid his sunglasses down over his eyes as the two couples made their way out of the Carvajal mansion. Valentina and Renata walked a bit ahead of the Juliana and Guille, talking excitedly about all the places they wanted to visit some day. “I need to ask you something before I go, Juliana.”

“¿Que?” Juliana looked at Guille curiously as they paused at the top of the steps leading down to the long driveway. “What is it?”

“Don’t break her heart.” Guille kept his gaze on his sister as she spoke. “I’ve never her seen her so happy, she’s been so full of life since you came into her life, and I don’t want her to lose that again. I know she can be stubborn and impulsive, but she deserves the world, Juliana, and she wants to share that world with you. Please, don’t break her heart.”

“I won’t,” Juliana placed her hand on Guille’s arm, squeezing lightly. “I love her, Guille, more than I thought I would ever love anybody. I will do everything that I can to show her that every day. She means the world to me, I’ll never break her heart, not if I can help it.”

“Then, I guess there’s only one thing left to say,” Guille turns his head to look at Juliana and smiles, “welcome to the family.”

“Gracias, Guille.” Juliana squeezes his arm again and they step down to where their girls are talking.

“It’s time to go, Reni.” Guille says and then he’s immediately pulled into a hug by his sister. He hugs Juliana next and then takes Renata’s hand as they begin to walk away, promising Val and Juls that they’ll take care and have a great time.

“Hey,” Juliana said as Valentina wrapped her arm around her shoulders, reaching up to link their fingers together, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” Valentina answered, leaning her head against her girlfriend’s. She felt Juliana’s arm wrap around her waist and pull her closer, Val’s grin stretching into a full-blown smile. “I have you, right?”

“Always.” Juliana whispered, capturing Valentina’s lips with her own when she turned her head. Valentina smiled into their kiss, her free hand falling against Juliana’s hip. Juliana’s tongue swept across her bottom lip and Valentina released a low moan.

“So, what should we do now?” Valentina asked, her eyes darkening. “I mean we have the house to ourselves, now. It’s big, empty, quiet…” Valentina trailed off, raising one eyebrow provocatively as Juliana stared back at her.

“I’m sure can make some noise,” Juliana murmured, maneuvering her hand beneath Val’s top to caress her stomach. Her fingers trailed slowly across Val’s abdomen, feelin the muscles quiver beneath her touch. Valentina kissed her then, slowly, their tongues dancing together in a heated twist. Juliana could feel her desire growing, reflected back at her in Valentina’s blown pupils.

“Shall we take this inside?” Valentina asked lowly in Juliana’s ear, kissing the spot just behind her lobe.

“Lead the way, mi amor.”

Valentina pulled Juliana forward by the hand, pressing up against the front door once it closed behind them. They stumbled up to Valentina’s room, kisses growing more heated and hands wandering. Distantly, Juliana hoped they’d be able to clean up the trail of clothes leading from the door to the bedroom before Chivis arrived, but then Valentina had pushed her onto the bed, straddled her hips and started kissing a path down Juliana’s neck to her chin and Juliana’s only thought was of Valentina. Their bodies pressed together, skin to skin, finally reconnecting on the most intimate level.

Each touch set Juliana on fire, Val’s fingers pressing into her and pulling her closer and closer. She lost track of the outside world, her mind consumed with Valentina, her touch, her kiss, her groans, the way she trembled as she came undone beneath Juliana. Valentina reveled in each sound Juliana released, every gasp and groan and moan spurring her on. Juliana clung tightly to her as she found her release again, Valentina’s name escaping her lips in a breathless moan.

They collapsed onto the bed together, limbs jelly-like and spent. Their bodies were slick with sweat but they didn’t mind as they cuddled close together, trading lazy kisses as their bodies came down from the high they shared.

“Te amo, Juls.” Valentina a whispered, nuzzling closer from behind and dropping a light kiss on the back of Juliana’s neck.

“Te amo, Val.” Juliana replied sleepily, tangling her fingers with Val’s over her stomach and scooting back further into her girlfriend’s embrace. Valentina held her tight, basking in the afterglow of the love they shared.

They had come so far, and still had so far to go, but Valentina knew that this was the start of her happy ending, and she wouldn’t want to share it with anybody else.