#foosys not art tag

[foosybit]

maaaaaybe we don't idolize pedophile relationships. Like, I understand mayoi is a complex character but he's absolutely Witten to be struggling with having attraction towards boys or men who look very young. He's canonly jerked off to aira sleeping, fantasized about Kohaku (who is 15, mayoi is almost 19) in a sexualized outfit, same for Hiiro, and is attracted to Shinobu because he is small and cute. YES, they are the same age but the REASON he likes him is the issue. I also understand he tries to 'control' it and beats himself up over it but it also doesn't change hes pretty actively just letting himself get off to a fantasy of a guy who looks young. Just something to think about. I guess.

hmmm considering the way this is worded, i think ur just here to get your point across to me, not to actually have an open conversation about this. But I'll at least treat it as good-faith and interact anyway.

I think we just fundamentally interpret the doting part of mayoi in a different way.

Now let's get the first thing out of the way… maybe this has shown up in a story i haven't read but… I don't think mayoi jerking off to aira is canon…? maybe you consider it to have been implied in one of mayoi's "im so sorry i totally didn't do anything suspicious last night!!!" lines, but considering mayoi's mental state, i think he's just kinda… prone to blurting out apologies/assurances for things he hasn't done just cuz he thinks everyone hates him or is at least ready to start hating him at the drop of a hat. But this is just a nitpick and whether or not it's true doesn't significantly affect what I'm about to say.

Other than that, I do think it's worth noting that mayoi is still pretty immature at this point, especially when it comes to feelings that occur within interpersonal relationships considering the fact that he's been isolated until main story. I think you can just as easily argue that he's still trying to sort out how to approach his feelings towards others without having it be a pedophile thing. There can be so many reasons for this. like sexual repression making him not know how to express that side of him appropriately, or making him feel the need to be sexual about things when hes not even horny (yes that happens when ur sexually repressed. trust me. im deep in christian circles irl and in deconstruction spaces online. sexual repression and lack of proper sex ed can fuck you up in the most unexpected ways but also doesnt necessarily have to make u a pedophile…). Or being so used to having other people tell you what you should be feeling that you start melding "what i should think if i find someone cute" and "what i actually think when i find someone cute" together, and could mistake cuteness aggression with having a crush and then enter this "i should feel/think xyz" mindset (i literally logically decided who i 'should' have a crush on based on who i respected the most, and then enacted romantic and sexual fantasies about these people who i genuinely wasn't in love with until maybe highschool. shoutout to the compulsory crushes that come with being queer and also just learning about yourself and your emotions in a highly amatonormative world).

What I'm saying through all of this is that mayoi's doting doesn't have to be inherently pedophilic and something that he needs to get rid of entirely. he can continue to be a lover of cute boys and have that at its core not be pedophilic. he can find shinobu attractive and its core reasons don't have to be because he "looks young," it can just be cuz he's cute and mayoi's still sorting out how he deals with his affection for cuteness and is still in the process of divorcing cuteness from youngness in his mind and vocabulary. Again, considering mayoi's implied culty and isolated background, it's not a stretch to think that a lot of his thoughts and feelings have not quite had the chance to mature yet. Especially with something as complicated to detangle as your sexual identity, doubly so if you're queer.

We already know mayoi needs therapy badly, so i don't think the only answer to his strangeness has to be pedophilia that he must overcome. And he also might not have sexual repression be the first thing he tries to address when he currently has literal disabling anxiety and other more pressing issues to address. Part of accepting a complicated character is also accepting them in an imperfect state and not just depriving them of living life and being happy just cuz they have stuff they need to work on. But! You can also decide that the way mayoi acts around younger guys is unforgivable to you personally, and decide that it's too much for you to handle emotionally to hold space for anything that comes close to pedophilia. You might want absolutely nothing to do with anything that resembles pedophilia at all. That's ok too, but will not be the way everyone approaches this side of him. And mayoshino has more going for it apart from just unresolved sexual repression, so i still do think it can stand up past it (more on that after the next paragraph). So, just cuz the writers might be making him an average counterpart to highlight shotabait and might be 'written to be' attracted to young boys doesn't mean we can't bring our own experiences into our interpretations.

Recognizing that writers have their own biases when writing, and recognizing that these characters are partially other people's biased depictions of the real people they perceive in their lives, and then choosing how you interpret a character appropriately is super important to do imo. especially when approaching sort of stereotyped characters in a franchise that'll go out of its way to make queerness as non-canon and only implied as possible in order to reach the largest audience. you've gotta know that 'mentally ill gay pedo' is a bad faith depiction even when it's on a modern-day handsome fictional man like mayoi (always always be wary of how mentally ill people get depicted and the specific traits/flaws they get given. you will often find biases against minorities). humoring bad faith aspects of characters on a surface level can only take you so far before you start saying weird/unempathetic things about minority characters without realizing it, you know? It's always good to take canon with a grain of salt and feel free to divorce them from certain aspects they're written to have, especially from larger franchises that don't have minority rep as their top priority. and you know what, it's also fine to subscribe to a bad-faith interpretation of a character, i do it all the time too cuz sometimes it's cathartic to be annoyed by a character and/or their actions (more on that after the next paragraph).

Another thing that's strange is the implication that the only reason mayoi loves shinobu is because he's small and cute? Or at least is the primary reason for the attraction. Sure that may have been what initially brought him to try and get close to shinobu, but i don't think that's the only factor in why he's still so attached or why i like them together. Shinobu truly cares for and respects him, always assumes the best of him even when mayoi truly thinks he shouldn't, goes out of his way to try and make mayoi feel more included with others, constantly suggesting mayoi for roles, etc. Not to mention that mayoi isn't always just doting the entire time when around shinobu. Yeah he's in a neutral state of doting when around shinobu (not inherently a bad thing), but they chat about the occult stuff mayoi's into, mayoi can vent his frustrations of himself to him and in return mayoi does actively comfort shinobu when he's down too, and mayoi supports shinobu's ideas and still does actively engage in ninja training and helps shinobu master his techniques. To assume that all of this doesn't play a significant role in mayoi's continuous active devotion to shinobu is just a bad-faith reading of mayoi's relationship with shinobu. And maybe you'd consider that assuming this is a significant part of mayoi's attraction is an overly good-faith reading of mayoi and giving one-off lines that go against his general characterization too much credit.

The fun part is that we can both have different readings/interpretations of the same character and one of us doesn't have to be unequivocally wrong. Viewing mayoi as someone who's tryna overcome pedophilia isn't bad if that's the reading you like the most or makes the most sense to you or helps you process your life better or whatever the reason may be, just respect the fact assumptions were made to get to that point, and other people will fill in the blanks in different ways.

[foosybit]

fun fact: the main pairing i used to like before mysn was kiibouma (danganronpa), and they still plague my mind at least once a month. Like, for the full first year of me liking mysn, i kept accidentally calling them kiibouma in my head sometimes (cuz the association was that thing-that-makes-me-happy = kiibouma) and they keep constantly appearing in my dreams in a very lamentful way where i miss them so much …. and sometimes i am like "wow what a cute dynamic" and my instinct is to mysn-ify it but sumtimes kiibouma just fits better. I even get a few kiibouma drawing ideas sometimes, but I already have countless mysn drawing ideas to get to and so little free time amidst all my homework that mysn will always take priority.

It's a little funny cuz I don't experience this with any of my past fixations. i dont get lamentful eddsworld dreams or flashbangs of la squadra (jjba) at random, and that's probably because back then, my fixations would last maybe a few months and then I'd move on. but my kiibouma fixation was the first one that actively lasted over a year. i thought about them daily for about 2 years so now it's like they've permanently altered my brain. It's sorta comforting cuz it means that even when I like mysn less one day, they'll still pop up here and there in my head all the time, considering that the amnt of time i've been into mysn will soon exceed the amnt of time i was into kiibouma.

I do wonder what'll happen when I do move on from mysn. will my brain slowly forget kiibouma or will i have a growing roster of characters/pairings that are important to me as long as the fixiation lasts multiple years. Maybe there is a scary future where I become a well-adjusted adult who does not fixate on pairings anymore (frightening) and all I have left are longings and memories of past pairings that keep begging for my attention again in my dreams. Regardless, I used to wish that certain fixations would last my entire life and even the thought of losing my fixation would make me feel desperate to cling on longer, but now it feels way better to be able to have fixations that last long enough to define periods of my life, so nothing can really take away what they meant to me even when I do move on, so I don't have to be so anxious about change anymore. sure, it'll always suck to leave a community that's meant so much to me no matter how small the community is, but at least it's not the end of the world anymore. Don't worry btw, i don't think i'll move on from mysn any time soon LOL i'm not getting into anything that i like enough to replace enstars in my head rn. I just started lamenting about kiibouma again last night and thought it could be a fun foosy lore to share :]

[foosybit]

thoughts on the consumption of dirt?

between mayoi and shinobu .... i think shinobu would be more likely to be the dirt eater...

[foosybit]

i yearn for it but i cant play it </3 im too poor

i assumed so X3 i just felt the need 2 update my webfishing status hehe, maybe one day u will obtain it ....

[foosybit]

I yearn for webfisjing so bad……..

you and me both .........

[foosybit]

(cant ask like a normal person) do you play any other games heh or any online ones

hardest question of my life cuz i really don't game so im kinda grasping at straws here... the most i play rn that isnt enstars is either webfishing (which i CANT OPEN anymore cuz its CRASHING. fml) or tetris (im not really good at it lol im maybe average at best but its a fun distraction) or like. a papa's game. i went really far on papas scooperia but the site i was using lost my save data after i stopped playing for a while so now i have it downloaded to my puter. i love you sarge fan. and shinobu is my server always and he has a big smile :D. whenever i have my 3ds i might mess around on project mirai DX and beg luka to forgive me for letting her get evicted from her penthouse too hehe

+heres how i WOULD look in webfishing if it wasn't CRASHING.

i also rewatch ace attorney trilogy playthroughs constantly in the background, but other than that i prefer to spend my free time doing some sort of art/craft or just watching videos to wind down >_< so like.......... my favorite online thing to do with others is genuinely just draw on magma or whiteboard im so serious. im that boring LOL

as for general games im into i do feel the need to mention megaman .... i love those silly little robots hehe the robot yaoi goes crazy when you just make shit up trust me

[foosybit]

ueeee ueee cute cat cute cat :] and we can we can !!!!!!!!!! :D paws at u !! i need 2 kno u i need more moots... im sowry if u've followed me for a while and i've never mooted sob sob i am just sooo so awkward when it comes to knowing whether or not its ok to do that cuz i'd hate to overstep lol but we could so be moots :] we could even chat and draw together ........ :]

[foosybit]

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 nobu i love u 🥹🥹

my high score rank is actually embarrassing but i guess it just proves how much dia i needed to burn to get no.11 lol, anyway if ur a loser who likes numbers and letters and wanna see his scr i have a shit ton more to say below

fyi the month range means that i took note of my dia count somewhere within that range (usually near the beginning but sometimes id forget and take note a little later) and the notes is the reason the dia suffered (and not events that happened during that month), and the 2 big "total dia spent" and "net dia lost" only applies to me gettinf 5 copies, not me deciding to burn dia to rank on day 8, which is why that day is below the rest

and i did the event with 55% gacha bonus due to maxxed mama and tatsumi (wataru decided they hate me and want me dead and didnt come home)

while im already rambling, i'll say that i started vipI in september bc i was doing some really bad math in my notebook that showed i needed like 115k dia to get 5 copies even with vipII (i am not a math guy........) and was like "oh man i am not gonna reach that goal by january, i guess if im gonna spend money anyway i'll do a slow trickle instead of dropping everything in january" and then i actually did the event and realized i used less than half of my savings LOL never trust foosy math, that meant i could rank tho :]

but hey if i gain 30k btwn now and mayoi event, i should get 5 copies again with no hiccups hehehehehe and if shu gacha likes me then maybe ill have leftovers to rank again, or at least have enough for yuta whos event is immediately after orz...... yuta my son who hates my guts (did 80 pulls on that fs and didnt get him) and mayoi my beautiful wife who also hates my guts (dont even get me started on mayoi) (122 pulls for his fs to come home)(200 pulls on his dead end land and i still dont have it over a year later)(and mind u that was while the sanrio mayoi was going on. no i still havent forgotten. no i will never forgive happyele for this.) i cant believe the events for the 2 enstars who hate me the most are next to each other, they seriously want me dead

ensemble stars music is my favorite number game 👍

finally heres his cute scr

he looks like a little lemon soda pop 🍋

ok foosy ramblings over i love rambling i can keep talking 4ever

[foosybit]

🥹🥹🥹🥹 my little mysn numbers ...

[foosybit]

do you minecraft... perchance

no ...... i last played mc years and years ago and all i'd do is farm and make cats get married lol, still seems like a fun game but i dont think i even have my mojang account anymore ...

[foosybit]

Ok im probably not the best person to ask this because ive been using krita for YEARSSS. like. last time I used firealpaca was 2018 which is... 6 years ago TT_TT but i did a brief pass-over of what firealpaca looks like now and it seems like the things i personally didn't like about it from 2018 are still present. and also the only computer drawing programs ive used are firealpaca, krita, and a really old pirated version of paint tool sai that was so bad it didn't even have a circle tool. absolutely abysmal for my eddsworld phase. but ya i do really like krita a lot tho. explanation under cut cuz its long

First one's pretty minor, but firealpaca does give you a popup immediately lol. i know it's easy to get used to, but its one of those small things where i'd rather not be asked to buy something or update my fully updated software every time i open the program. Firealpaca also just opens you up to the drawing ui, and krita opens you up to a specific launch ui that i really like

it shows all your recently opened files with a thumbnail too so you don't really have to go rummaging through your files every time you wanna draw which is super convenient. and as you can see i literally just never enabled news LOL which would probably tell me about any new krita updates idfk i never enabled it.

Another one that's more major to me is that the firealpaca animation system is actually ass omfg. they say like "wowww you can do onion skin !!!" but thats literally it. and i like to animate from time to time so that's a no-go for me. firealpacas animation system is manged through YOUR LAYERS???? AND MAYBE A FOLDER???? jail. awful. and you have to wait for firealpaca to render a preview. if you ever decide to animate, krita is way better. it actually has a proper timeline and hold frames and real-time previews. it might not be the super best professional animation software cuz it does fight with me a little bit, but for someone who just makes small gifs every once in a while, it's wayyy more useful than firealpaca without being overwhelming which i like. heres what the animation workspace looks like:

the final real qualm i remember having is that the blending on firealpaca was just..... not great. I downloaded it again breifly to check how it's looking and it's still not looking too hot. For the examples I just used my mouse with no pressure sensitivity mostly because i was too lazy to set up my drawing tablet, but also it shows what one consistent opacity/pressure sensitivity looks like

the transparent bg one is firealpaca and the tan bg one is krita. it seems like the difference in opacity of the brush doesn't affect the blending strength of the brush at all in firealpaca. 1 and 2 are the flat watercolor brush and the blending on that one just looks ugly 2 me sorry. 1 is at 50% opacity and 2 is at 100%. 3 is the fluffy watercolor brush at 50% opacity and 4 is the same brush at 100% opacity. it blends to the same amount regardless of opacity, so it seems like the same brush calculations are happening, just literally at a lower opacity. For the krita one, i used the wet paint brush and 5 is 100% opacity and 6 is 50% opacity. It gives you a lot of variety and control for the amount of blending you want based on pressure sensitivity which is super handy to me; i would not have been able to do those crazy digital paintings i used to do years ago without it (pre-mysn days cuz my style has since changed, but u can find it in my pixiv).

Also idk if im stupid or what but i can't find any method to change the blending mode of your brush in firealpaca. it's a neat feature that lets you just do a few brushstrokes with a multiply blending mode (or whatever blending mode) without having to make a new layer and merge it.

But yeah I'm sure firealpaca has its pros. I saw a bunch of cool pattern brushes on their site which seem like they'd be super cool to use, it's just that for my personal tastes i remember thinking that moving to krita was a huge improvement. the only thing that takes a bit of getting used to is that krita doesn't have a clipping function, you just have to alpha-lock a layer within a folder, but you get used to it (theres a "create clipping group" option that does this for you).

Bonus for if u ever get krita:

this is my favorite drawing brush in the entire world i can't draw without it. just a basic toothy brush but it's my life blood. and you should totally download the ballpoint pen brush. just search up krita ballpoint pen brush. its not like i use it all the time or anything but it's super fun and i like it and if u use krita i think u should mess around with it at least once X3

[foosybit]

NOT EMBARRASSING AT ALL !!! despite how barebones it seems, i did put a lot of work into it and im rlly proud of my growth with coding so im so glad when anyone else likes it it makes me so proud of my baby (website) !!!! I wanna go back to work on it so bad but i never have time .... but i really wanna work on making it mobile friendly soon cuz i do have a vision for it, i just have to actually sit down and code it lol. so many sections i wanna code into it i rlly want it 2 be my baby of all my mysn thoughts... i love webshrines so much i wish everyone in da world made webshrines, i wanna peek into peoples brainsssss i think its so awesome to see peoples passion for what they like concentrated in a fully personalized space :] i see sum awesome enstars webshrines every once in a while and it fills me with such joy hehe it makes me wanna flesh out my own webshrine more

here's a link 4 it if deres anyone who's looking at this post thru their computer, congrats on being the 1% of people who goes on tumblr on the computer u get 2 see my pride and joy (extremely unfinished webshrine)

[foosybit]

4 AM GO TO SLEEP OMG (i can't talk i am greatly affected by the curse too)

I SLEPT FOR REAL AFTERWARDS I PROMISE !!!!! the curse needs to leave us all alone im so sick of it !!!

[foosybit]

meeeoowwwww meowwww meooowwww meowwwww meooowwwww meowww meoowwwwww hi :3 ♣️

ribbit ribbit hop hop ribbit :] 🥷

[foosybit]

sorry if im just like a moron and i missed it. but is there a specific place u answer strawpage thingies

i did nawt think abt it that far i didnt actually excpect real asks on there LOL i only expected requests in which case id cross post the drawing everywhere X3 but since it seems ur here then i'll probably answer them here since i luv 2 yap and tumblr gives me a lot of yapping text space (and probably add to my strawpage something about that LOL)

[foosybit]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii :3

helloooooooooes :]