#like office culture can be/is very white centric

[mazapan-heart]

I’m feeling some type of way. I think it’s the culture shock and imposter syndrome setting in.

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[spuddlespudloves]

Fuck Shit Up - Fiction Edition

A non- comprehensive list of shows/films/books that get the revolutionary juices flowing (arbritrarily divided into sad vs empowering categories by me, and in no particular order)

Feel free to add to the list - particularly content created by women of colour and non-England centric stuff

FUCKING SHIT UP: we can and we WILL smash the system

Damnation (Netflix TV Series)- western meets antifash in this striker vs strike breaker epic. Great plots and characters and white supremacists getting shot in the head, what more can you want?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) - A++ cinematography, great action, and Charlize Theron for the gays

Snowpiercer (Netflix TV Series) - I enjoyed it and it's a fun premise about a class system running on a train which holds the last humans since everything froze over

Pride (2014) - feelgood movie of the century - miners, gays and gay miners solidarity - true story

Sorry to Bother You (2018) - a sureal masterpiece - watch it for a good mindfuck

Pose (FX TV Series) - an amazing look at 1990s New York ballroom culture - chef kissing noises

The Dispossesed (Ursula Le Guin) - sci-fi that plots out what an anarchist society might look like - there’s other books in the series too -  it takes a bit of getting into

Newsies (1992) - a musical about a newspaper boys strike - still not watched it so review tbd

Made in Dagenham (2010) - unions & 1960s costumes yes pls - a true story about a sewing machinist strike in the 1960s - take it with a pinch of salt

Brassed Off (1996) - a heartfelt tale about a fictional mining village in Barnsley towards the ‘inevitable’ end of the miners strikes - accents are surprisingly passable and there’s a young Ewan McGreggor to oggle

9 to 5 (1980) - Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin kidnap their boss and take control of their office. What more could you want?

The Parable of the Sower (Book) - an absolute classic by Octavia E. Butler, I'm really excited to read the sequel

Enola Holmes 2 (2022) - gets an honerable mention for the matchgirl strike scene

SHIT IS FUCKED UP: social realism and tough times

The Ragged Trousered Philanthropist (Robert Noonan) - A fictionalised look at difficulties of working life in the early 1900s - he died of TB before he had finished editing it - it takes a bit of getting into

Love on the Dole (Walter Greenwood) - similar vibes to the Ragged Trousered Philanthropist but set in the 1930s in northern England - just found out there’s a film brb

The Plague (Albert Camus) - a very timely book about the rise of plague (and metaphorically fascism) in a town in Algiers in the 1940s  - only read if you want to feel validated in your mask wearing and antifascism

The Boys from the Blackstuff (BBC TV Series) - the stories of several tar layers dealing with working life and unemployed life in the 1970s/80s - dare you not to cry

The Handmaid’s Tale (Book or TV Show) - interesting look at ideas about how reproductive rights can fit into patriarchal systems

I, Daniel Blake (2016) - you will cry, and cry and cry again - a harrowing look at the brutality of the UK benefits system

Sorry We Missed You (2019) - another Ken Loach film about the brutal way delivery drivers are treated

Jude the Obscure (Thomas Hardy) - the king of depressing plotlines brings you his saddest book. This will fuck you up. Social mobility is a lie and you’re sad and alone in the world. Basically any other Hardy book is an equally good choice.

Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck ) - the king of depressing plotlines about the phalacy of the American Dream - again, social mobility is a lie and you’re sad and alone in the world- also recommend his other books such as the Pearl

Peterloo (2018) - an important telling of the Peterloo massacre, a significant moment in English worker’s history - a lot of the background is spelled out if you don’t know a lot of the history. It's a bit cheesy and heavy handed at times

[maulusque]

ok so my “clones knitting socks” post is going around again, and people keep adding things onto it that just bug the hell out of me

(pre-rant disclaimer: i am in no way mad or annoyed at anyone who added anything on to that post, at all, i am glad people are so enthusiastic about clone socks and find it inspiring, please don’t stop, this is not about anyone in particular or any particular response, i’ve just seen quite a few add-ons that speak to an attitude/mindset I see throughout the fandom in general, and it’s the overall vibe of that mindset that bugs me)

people keep taking a post centered completely on the clones and re-framing it to be all about the jedi. Like “what if a JEDI teaches them how to knit” or “what if a JEDI gives them SPECIAL YARN” (I already said the clones spin the yarn themselves, as an important part of the sock tradition?) or “what if they make SPECIAL SOCKS for their SPECIAL JEDI”. And just, no. Trooper socks are not about the Jedi, and they are not FOR the Jedi, I specifically framed the socks to be something that the clones adopted, adapted, and made their own, WITHOUT any input or support from the jedi at all, and which was a special part of clone culture, by and for the clones. They don’t need the Jedi to give them yarn because the clones do not depend on the Jedi for their material culture. The clones don’t knit special socks for their jedi because the clones don’t exist to do things for the jedi and don’t have to share every bit of their own culture with their military superiors. The clones don’t learn knitting from the Jedi because the clones are not sad ignorant children who don’t have any scrap of wisdom, knowledge, self-worth, or freaking hobbies until the Jedi deign to hand it down to them (I am seriously tired of the trope of “the clones/this clone in particular thought of themselves as a cog in a machine until the jedi came along and told them that they were people, actually, because the clones are incapable of realizing that without the kindly white savior jedi to tell them so). 

I don’t have a problem with any individual add-on, because one paragraph or comment doesn’t add up to a mindset. I agree it’s adorable if some of the 501st knit Ahsoka some montral socks or something. But I see these types of comments so freaking often, and not only on this post, but on other random fun clone-centric posts I make, that keep making something that is very specifically about the clones all about the Jedi instead. And I don’t like it. It’s annoying and kind of offensive because it plays right into white savior tropes. It’s also the reason why I skip 90% of codywan fics because they’re not about Cody, they’re all about Obi-Wan and how sad and hurt obi-wan is and how much he needs a hug or how much he’s struggling with whatever and then Cody’s just thrown in there because Obi-Wan needs to be fucked or hugged or taken care of or worried over or something. When does Commander Cody get to be fucked??? Does Cody not deserve to be dicked down as well?

like, just let the clones have something for themselves for once, something that wasn’t oh-so-benevolently given to them by the jedi, something that they made for themselves without even thinking about the fucking jedi, because the Jedi are not the most important thing in a clone’s life and they don’t spend 24/7 thinking about what cute nice thing they can do for their commanding officer next. And let the clones exist as themselves instead of as accessories/emotional servants to the fucking jedi.

ok rant over. If you feel sad or hurt please read the disclaimer above and know that I am not accusing anyone in particular of this mindset, i’m commenting on a pattern I see in the fandom overall.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Thinking today about viruses, allergies, oppression, and anti culture.

(under a cut because WHOOOPS this got long)

Racism is a virus. Homophobia, transphobia, sexism, antisemitism, ableism, etc etc etc, they are all viruses--a topic that many of us have learned a great deal about in the past year. They are ideas, yes, not literal physical diseases, but the analogy holds up. They are infectious, and often spread from person to person without anyone involved realizing they have it. They can sit latent for years, never showing up because the carrier never finds themselves in a situation where the issue comes up, only to flare up and take over when you least expect it. And they mutate, just like the flu, just like the common cold; they put on a new jacket every year and slide in undetected yet again, slip past our internal sensors and bury themselves in our brains until we go in and deal with them as best as we can.

One more thing we've learned about viruses this year is how we can fight them. The viruses of oppression are a little different because they tend to hurt the people around their carriers even more than the people they've infected (although let's talk about internalized anything-ism sometime), but in a lot of ways the attack is the same. You treat the symptoms even when you don't know how to cure the disease: we invest in respirators, antiviral treatments, hospitals; we create and sponsor programs to help those who've been hurt by various oppressions, we uplift our neighbors, we try to keep people safe from violences both big and small. You work to stop the spread: we wear our goddamn masks, we stay home when we can; we train ourselves not to say racist shit that might foster a culture of hate, we stop that guy in our office from making rape jokes, we make slurs unacceptable. You pay attention to your immune system: we seek medical attention when we experience symptoms, we get COVID tests, we talk to our doctors before the symptoms get deadly; we protest and we pay attention to the people who do, we take them seriously when they tell us that something is wrong.

You vaccinate. We train ourselves and our immune systems to recognize the thing that infects us, the thing that we fear. We try to teach our children about history, bit by little bit, on fragments of dead violence the same way we train our bodies on dead virus shells, so that someday they'll recognize the live disease when they see it. We learn about slavery and Jim Crow and the Holocaust. We tell kids bedtime stories about why hitting and bullying is bad, before we ever start teaching them the specific shapes that violence so often takes. As we get older, as we get stronger, we learn about the living stuff, all the new forms that same old virus has mutated into; we educate ourselves, we listen, we read. Just like vaccines, of course, there are anti-vaxxers and denialists shouting about how racism and sexism are already dead and they don't need any propoganda besides Fox News. Hell, just like anti-maskers, there are plenty of people screaming about how political correctness is ruining the world and they demand their right to spread their virus to anyone they can. Often these are the same people.

But we try. And make no mistake, we all of us are already infected, and just like a real virus, once you've caught it once it probably won't ever go away again--but we can prepare, and we can try to lessen the severity of our cases, and we can support our immune systems of activists and protesters and our own internal sense of this is wrong, and we can work, bit by bit, if not towards eradication (not yet, not in this world, but maybe someday in another), then at least towards control.

And then there's allergies.

An allergy is what happens when a human body's own immune system freaks out over an enemy that wasn't particularly harmful in the first place. All our immune defenses--those precious immune defenses, which work so hard to protect us against all those viral, deadly ideas--go screaming into high gear. All of that fear and fury and attack power gets brought to bear all at once, against a bit of pollen or bee venom or cat dander or peanuts, and your body is left itchy and runny-nosed and gasping--sometimes literally--as it tries to keep up. Allergies are miserable. Sometimes they're life-threatening. And the biggest danger isn't the foreign agent that triggers the allergic reaction; it's the immune system trying to fight it in the first place.

Which, yes, brings us to anti culture--but not JUST anti culture. It's a good example, a little internet-centric microcosm of the same force that drives progressives to tear bloody shreds out of moderate liberal politicians. Hell, it's the same force that enables both TERFs and the Capitol rioters. It's a combination of an immune system that points in the wrong direction, flagging the wrong thing as bad, terrifying, danger, NO, and a freaked-out response that can manifest as anything from mildly irritating to absolutely deadly.

To be clear, I am not by any means equating the scale or even the source of these things, any more than hayfever is the same as anaphylactic shock. Likewise, the sources are different. Sometimes, a disease can infect an immune system and point it in the wrong direction. (Terror of the other is the absolute cornerstone of white nationalism, and when that terror gets triggered by a harmless environmental condition like, god forbid, other people asking for rights, the allergy response can be deadly.) Other times, it's the other way around. Our internal immune systems, so well trained to protect ourselves and those around us from the insidious viral ravages of prejudice and oppression, start seeing traces of it everywhere.

And they freak out. And we suffer for it.

We talk a lot of well-deserved shit about TERFs, but it's useful to remember how much their nastiness feels to them like activism. Their immune system, trained and primed and sensitized over years of exposure to misogyny and sexism, catches the tiniest whiff of something that might seem at some point to have possibly been taken for male, and freaks out, because why is that trying to get into our system. Never mind that they're wrong. An immune system that flips out over penicillin is wrong, too. It's still trying to help, and it's still doing more harm than good trying it.

So bringing this back around to anti culture, which was absolutely where I started thinking about all of this this morning: anti culture, the terror of porn and the attempt by antis to protect themselves an other people from sexual content, is an immune response. It is a trained immune response, in people who have been taught and re-taught again and again that rape culture is a dangerous insidious virus that should be fought at all costs. And, right, there's more than a bit of 'the sexism virus infected this immune system and reprogrammed it to fight itself' involved here, but look, we are all of us infected with all of the viruses at least a little bit everywhere. If we tried to direct our immune systems to rip every last shred of -ism out of every last bit of us, we'd rip ourselves apart. Which is exactly the problem.

Porn, in and of itself, is natural. As natural as environmental pollen, and living near dogs and cats, and eating wheat or nuts or citrus fruit. It's even healthy, for a whole host of reasons that belong in another essay. And citric acid and nut-based proteins and whole grains are nutritious, and pets are physically and psychologically helpful, and being exposed to lots of different environmental substances as a child can actually help train your immune system in the first place. Porn can help us figure out what we like. It can help us figure out what we don't like. And while the processes that create it are sometimes unethical and awful, we don't condemn all dogs because puppy mills and dogfighting rings exist, even if we do have dog allergies.

What we see in anti culture is often a good-faith attempt on the part of antis to attack and subdue an environmental trigger that they read as dangerous. It's a panic attack over something that is by nature harmless or mildly harmful, blown out of proportion by the very instincts that are supposed to keep us safe. It's the response of an immune system that's been taught over years and years, by everyone from parents to school systems to the activists they look up to, that negative stimulus is to be feared, avoided, and fought. Of COURSE they're going to freak out.

And of course, early exposure to controlled amounts of allergens can help prevent later allergies from developing. Of course when kids are raised with abstinence-only education, sheltered from the very concept of sex, they're going to grow up allergic to it. (Of course they're going to try to protect other kids from the same, like worried mothers who refuse to let peanuts or wheat products or dirt near their precious babies, whose kids grow up with a whole suite of allergic triggers because their bodies never learned what was okay in the first place.) And no, that doesn't mean we hand pornography to ten-year-olds any more than we should give raw honey to an infant--but of course if our culture refuses to introduce kids to the fact that sex and desire and the inside of their own brain can be messy and silly and kinky and downright weird, we're going to have a higher rate of allergic reaction to the entire concept in adults.

I wish I had a better answer for what to do with understanding that this is what's going through so many people's brains. The best I have is a prescription for allergy-sufferers, who probably haven't read this far through this wordspew of an essay in the first place--but we all get a little hayfever once in a while, and we all sometimes run into content that makes us angry. So some thoughts on how to deal with metaphorical allergic reactions, inspired by the ways we deal with literal ones?

First: we recognize that what is happening is an allergy. The thing we're reacting to might be gross, or irritating, or even unpleasant, but the danger is not and never has been the thing itself. Whether it's triggering a response because of its similarity to an actively dangerous pathogen, or our immune system just doesn't like it, our aversion to one kind of story or another universally says more about us than about it. Luckily, we have a lot more control over our social responses than our biological ones!!! If vocal activism is our sociocultural immune system firing itself up to fight an infection that may or may not exist, then we get to tell our metaphorical white blood cells to stand down. We get to decide.

Second: we get some space. The funny thing about allergies is, while early exposure to allergens can help prevent them, re-exposing yourself to dangerous allergens after you've already developed a reaction to them can make them worse. Anaphylaxis is always more likely after someone's experienced it the first time. Repeated exposure to triggers, whether biological or psychological, can make the effects worse. So stop exposing yourself.

If something makes your throat itch every time you eat it, stop eating it. If something makes you mad every time you read it, stop reading it. Obviously this can be easier said than done in a world that's a lot worse about warning labels on stories than ingredients labels on foods, but that's why fic tags exist. And: sometimes, the croissant is delicious enough that we decide we're willing to suffer through the way the almonds make us feel, just this once. Sometimes the ship or the characterization or, hell, those other kinks that we really like are tasty enough that we'll put up with the trope we hate. We're allowed to do that. But we do it knowing there will be consequences, and we don't blame the baker when they hit.

We also don't have to blame ourselves. It sucks to be allergic to shellfish when all your friends are raving about the new seafood place. But that's not our fault any more than it's theirs.

Third: sometimes, if we need one, we go to the doctor. Or a therapist. Yes, really.

Not because there's anything really wrong with an aversion or even mild breakouts of hives, annoyance, and bitching in your friends' DMs--but it sure isn't pleasant, and sometimes your doctor might have a better solution than 'avoid it and take a Benadryl' that makes you feel a little better in the long run. And sometimes, it's not a mild breakout. Sometimes it's the kind of story that lingers with you for days, makes your skin crawl; sometimes your throat swells up and it gets hard to breathe. Sometimes we get angry enough about something we've read that we can't stand down our immune system, don't want to stop ourselves from writing that angry comment, that tumblr post, that abuse report to the mods for something that didn't actually break any rules. And that's dangerous, because when our immune response can flare out of control like that, we don't always know where and when it will happen next, and the risk of what we'll do if it happens gets way, way higher.

Sometimes it really is worth getting a second opinion. Sometimes you need somebody to tell you, "actually, it is not normal to get tingly and sweaty every time you eat potatoes." There are ways to train your brain and leash your white blood cells that I sure as heck am not expert enough to address. There are, it turns out, ways to feel better. There are ways to mitigate the damage your own well-meaning defense mechanisms might do to yourself or other people along the way.

And: we can take a deep breath when someone with an allergy to something we've baked, something we've written, something we like, is lashing out trying to protect themselves and everyone around them from something they've registered as a threat. Of course they're wrong. Yes, we told them there were tree nuts in the brownies ahead of time; yes, they chose to eat them anyway. But it can be worth reminding them and ourselves that there's a difference between "this thing is toxic" and "this harmless thing has driven my own system into a defensive response that sure makes it feel like I've been poisoned." And it can be worth reminding ourselves as well as them that sometimes, that difference can be really hard to spot.

[amethyst-sage-29]

American and European leftists often portray nonwhite cultures as better than white cultures—I fully understand why they do that, and how this benefits nonwhites in the West. But at the same time, they need to understand the negative implications of this attitude.

I won’t speak for other cultures, but as an Indian born and raised Hindu, I assure you that the Hinduism portrayed by non-Hindu Western leftists is not its reality at all. Hinduism is shown as a peaceful religion filled with ancient wisdom. But things like caste discrimination, unique to Hinduism and Indian culture, is unknown to these activists, let alone brought into the limelight to initiate awareness and reform. It would benefit everyone if Western leftists, especially those dealing with cultural issues, learned about things like this.

The disadvantage: Critiquing Hinduism can give ammo to Western right-wingers and white supremacists, and make things worse for Hindus living the in the West.

And yet, the advantage: The lack of critique proves harmful to lower-caste Hindus who face casteism on the daily, whether they live in India or not. It leaves non-Indians oblivious to the casteism in India and therefore, makes it easier for upper caste Indians to uphold the caste system and continue their debilitating, deadly discrimination against lower castes.

More importantly, to my fellow Indians: Instances like these should remind us that we cannot apply Western strategy for political advancement and social reform to India. Often, what works for them simply does not work for us and what doesn’t work for them might be very important for us to achieve equality. (For example: at the peak of the BLM protests some of my Indian friends talked about how we need to defund the police in India and how the Indian police is overfunded. However, in India, the police is not overfunded, unlike in the USA. The Indian police force is one of the weakest police forces in the world. It’s underfunded and most police officers don’t get enough pay. Inadequate funding is one of the causes for the Indian police’s shittiness, not overfunding.) We need to always consider the nuance and focus on Indian politics in India. Reading work by and learning about Indian activists helps greatly, and (though learning about Western politics can also be of immense help to us) will prove more fruitful than learning about Western activism. Developing an India-centric view and strategy is an absolute essential.

[leviathangourmet]

(Archive Link)

I recently attended a Washington-D.C. event focused on community-building hosted by The Aspen Institute’s Weave project, which works to reduce social isolation and build bonds between Americans. During one portion of the event, various activists described how racism had impacted their lives and their communities. Following a number of such testimonials, a white woman from southeast Ohio named Sarah Adkins spoke about her own community work, which involves raising money to provide post-trauma support to individuals affected by tragedies.

Perhaps because several speakers had discussed racism and issues related to white privilege, Adkins spoke about her own self-perceived racial privilege. “I followed the perfect mold…I did all the things, I went to college, and I keep thinking of white privilege in my head so forgive me, that’s what’s in my head right now, very much white privilege,” she said, while reflecting on her middle class life in an affluent neighborhood.

But Adkins also went on to describe the reason she originally had become involved in community work—which is that her then-husband had killed both of her sons and then later took his own life. One can only imagine how much suffering this caused her. Yet she still viewed herself as privileged due to her race.

“I was wealthy, okay, I was a pharmacist, I made a lot of money, right? So after that happened, I really wanted to understand that for me there definitely was a lot of white privilege. I had money, I had health insurance, so people came in and cleaned up my house. I was able to pay for a funeral for my children,” she said.

I wondered how someone who’d lived through such an awful tragedy could consider themselves to be in any way “privileged.” Yes, she had the funding to clean up her home and bury her relatives. But nearly everybody has at least some advantages in life. It feels perverse for someone who has suffered so much to be confessing their perceived advantages.

When activists and academics invoke the phrase “white privilege,” they typically are speaking of advantages that whites, on average, have over members of other ethnic minority groups in our society. And there is no doubt that racial inequality is both real and persistent in the United States, where I live, and elsewhere. There is a sizable racial wealth gap, a life expectancy gap, and an incarceration gap. Many of America’s most pressing social problems disproportionately harm people from minority groups.

But there is a danger that, by talking about this inequality as an all-consuming phenomenon, we will end up creating a flattened and unfair image that portrays all whites in all situations and all contexts as benefiting from unearned advantages. Indeed, it’s possible that we will cause people to confuse a structural inequality that exists on the level of group average with the circumstances of every individual within a particular racial group.

In the case of Adkins’s tragic story, it’s not even clear that being white in any way constituted a form of privilege. Recent research has found a huge surge in white working-class suicides. In 2017, whites in the United States had a suicide rate of 17.8 per 100,000; for Hispanics, that rate was 6.9; for African-Americans, it was 6.9. The only group with a higher suicide rate than whites was Native Americans, at 22.2.

The phenomenon of suicide is not perfectly understood, but it is generally believed that loneliness and alienation are driving factors. Whites in America tend (on average) to be more culturally individualistic, while those from other groups tend (again, on average) to exhibit more collectivist social values. The group of which I am part, Asian-Americans, would be “privileged” on this index, since our rate (6.6) is well below that of whites. But would it really be wise for me to tackle the social problem of suicide by zooming in on some idea of “Asian privilege?”

In fact, research recently published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests that such an approach wouldn’t just be unhelpful. It would actually be harmful.

I recently interviewed Erin Cooley, a psychology professor and lead researcher at Colgate University, about her research for Greater Good magazine. She studies prejudice and structural inequality and her research has illuminated the ways in which persistent racism continues to negatively impact the lives of racial minorities in America. A study she recently published, for instance, shows how participants were more likely to associate poverty with blacks as opposed to whites. Her team found that this association helps predict opposition toward policies that involve economic redistribution, since it is widely believed that these policies benefit blacks over whites.

Her team was curious about the impact of teaching people about white privilege. Would it make people more sympathetic toward poor blacks? As part of their research, Cooley and her colleagues offered study participants a reading on white privilege—based partly on the seminal work of Peggy McIntosh, who originally formulated the concept in the 1980s—and then described to them the plight of a hypothetical man, identified as either white or black, who is down on his luck.

What the researchers found is that among social liberals—i.e., participants who had indicated that they hold liberal beliefs about social issues—reading a text about white privilege did nothing to significantly increase their sympathy toward the plight of poor blacks. But, as Cooley told me, “it did significantly bump down their sympathy for a [hypothetical] poor white person.” (Among conservative participants, there was observed no significant change in attitudes at all.)

What accounts for this? One possibility is that social liberals are internalizing white-privilege lessons in a way that flattens the image of whites, portraying all of them as inherently privileged. So if a white person is poor, it must be his or her own fault. After all, they’ve had all sorts of advantages in life that others haven’t.

When we talk about racial inequality, it is important to understand that we’re often talking about structural or society-wide averages, not the status of all individuals at all times. It is true, for instance, that African Americans are disproportionately impacted by poverty. That means a higher percentage of African Americans live in poverty as compared to whites. But the largest number of individuals in the United States who live in poverty are white. We can’t, and we shouldn’t, assume anything about any individual’s life solely based on his or her race, or based on larger facts about racial inequality.

Racism exists, of course, and its impact is disproportionately felt by society’s minority populations. I have personally spent a decent chunk of my reporting career documenting this. But the fact that disparate treatment is inflicted on racial minorities doesn’t prove the existence of an all-encompassing pattern of white privilege. “If you’re white, chances are seeing a police officer fills you with one of two things: relief or gratitude,” writes one advocate of a privilege-centric worldview. But around half of the people who are killed every year by U.S. police officers are white. True, police violence falls disproportionately on ethnic minorities, especially African Americans. But if you’re white and you’ve been abused by a police officer, your individual experience may be just as painful as that of a black person who’s suffered similar abuse.

If we extend the logic of privilege beyond the issue of race, it’s easy to see the flaws with this approach. We know, for instance, that 93 percent of people in U.S. federal prisons are men. In nearly every part of the criminal justice system, in fact, men on average have it worse than women do. But does that then mean we should be discussing “female privilege”? Would it be beneficial to the men behind bars for women to proclaim awareness of their “privileged” status?

A typical conservative response to privilege discourse is to downplay the very real inequalities that exist. This isn’t helpful. We can’t escape talking about inequality in a diverse society. For instance, we shouldn’t shy away from looking at high maternal mortality rates among black women and how it may be linked to inadequate cultural competence among medical staff. However, what I would suggest is that we change the way we talk about this inequality. Asking whites to publicly confess their white privilege—in a manner that often resembles a religious ritual more than anything else—may lead us to unfairly flatten the experience of whites while, ironically, actually shifting attention away from those who are underprivileged. The Cooley study shows that this isn’t just a hypothetical concern; it’s a reality that has been demonstrated through research.

One alternative to white-privilege discourse would be to focus on the causes and consequences of deprivation rather than on naming groups of people we believe to hold special advantages—and to stop referring to things that we should expect for all people as “privileges.” It is not a privilege to have a decent and safe childbirth, or avoid harassment by the police, or to have enough to eat. All of those things should be something we expect. While we can and should aggressively address inequality, we should make sure the methods we employ serve to strengthen our sense of empathy rather than sap it.

[pixel-writes]

lets talk abt architecture in worldbuilding: a hopefully helpful post

PS: this is the first “tips” post i ever made, so sorry if it’s confusing/not really that heplful!! if you have questions, please know that my ask box is always open!!!

i’ve seen posts abt worldbuilding giving tips on how to worldbuild everything: From religions to magic systems to languages, but i’ve never seen anyone talk abt architecture. so here i am, trying to do it:

the only thing you need to keep in mind: architecture is directly related to your world’s culture

you can’t tak abt greece without talking abt the temples. you can’t talk abt people from egypt without talking abt the pyramids. god, you can’t talk abt the the way people lived their lives without somehow talking abt where they live. 

if you tell me that your society that depends on the sea and it doesn’t has ocean symbology on their buildings, houses, and possibly temples, im going to laugh at your face. if you tell me that your society is a war centric one, but you don’t translate it by having your “war schools” being the biggest/most important buildings, that’s stupid. maybe your society is very into politics, so tell me, where do they together to discuss and participate in it? you get the point: just like everything in your setting, your architecture will be related to where your society is from, the philosophic believes they have, and mostly their routine. 

things to keep in mind when worldbuilding your architecture

what is climate?

This is pretty simple, hotter climates: More open floorplans, bigger windows, if your society has the technology, probably a lot of “men-made” lakes near buildings to help cool down. colder climates: Closed off floorplans, probably chimneys bc of fireplaces, pointy roofs so that snow can just fuck off easily. maybe they would cover the houses with plants and dirt to keep the heat in.

How are family composed?

 are the concept of family not a thing? Or is it different? Maybe a family is only those who are related by blood, or maybe a family is a couple, their 14 children, the ten children they decided to adopt and also their thirty slaves. You do you.

In some of the first things we consider actual cities, the houses rooftops were used has streets, and every few meters there were an opening for the actual houses: a tiny square where the people lived, with two or three rooms attached, since family wasn’t really a thing. If you look at greek/roman houses, they had two stories, and multiple rooms, bc the families were a thing, and they were very big. also, slaves were kept in the houses, so they needed space too. 

What abt your world’s religion?

Surely, if they are totally religious, they might want to build a shrine in their home. and while in the religious aspect, how are their temples? Or more important, how are their gods? do they like gifts, sacrifices? do they live in between the people, in a high mount somewhere or maybe underground?

You know, greek temples were build in the highest mount of the city. Pyramids were, ya know, pyramids bc they were supposed to guide the pharaoh's soul up, and some were also thought to be useful for the pharaoh to use as steps to “climb up to heaven”. Like I said, Catholic churches were build so tall and extra so that when you, a dying peasant walked in, all you could think was “there’s no way this was made without the help of a higher power, so God must be real!”, “the stone books men build”, i believe is something Victor Hugo said abt religious buildings.

Don’t forget the government!

If you have a monarchy, a diarchy, a democracy, an authoritarian government, or any type of government really, they most likely show their power and stance through architecture. the simple and perfectionist neoclassism was bc people hated rococo’s extravaganza and all it represented. Barroque happened bc Luthero was being a lil dick to the church and the church wanted to show who was the boss.

 If we look at the White House, we could maybe say that the US is a tradicional country, while when we look at Germany’s parliament building, we could say that, after Hitler’s government, they have been trying to be open to their citizens.

Fun fact: The biggest architectural booms happen right after big government wins or loses. The biggest greek temples were built after they won battles, brazil had to go back to being a democracy so that we would have the perfection that is brasilia, and so on 

How is your world’s economic situation?

“Architecture is the autobiography of the economic system and of the social institutions”, said my good ol’ pal Bruno Zevi, a v important italian architect. So, is your country filthy rich and do they use this money wisely? Are the noble withholding everything or do they actually use it for the population? 

How does magic adds in this?

what is your magic system? maybe is blood based, and most people have a small pen with animals to use magic at any given moment (put an inside patio in the house). maybe is like, a language based one (they should probably have a place to learn the magic language. maybe an office like area is necessary for all those wanting to learn magic?).

also! keep in mind that humans (and probably whatever species you are writing abt) are very much mimetic creatures: we mimic things that are around us, especially in art, so things like plants, animals, skies, the fashion of your world, all would probably end up being mixed in your architecture too!

Another thing: always research real life architectural styles. maybe your church is very powerful, so go ahead and take inspo from the gothic or barroque periods’ churches. maybe your nobility is losing money but they need to pretend everything is fine, so go ahead and take inspo in rococo. or maybe everyone wants to destroy a shameful past? futurism is a very good place to start! 

also, tl;dr: have most of your worldbuilding ready, then throw it all in the walls of your houses and palaces and jails, and there you have it: your world’s architecture

@james-stark-the-writer @la--sophia @underhersky @satelsolite @onedayiwillfind @random-nerd-lesbian @sso-heather @thehoveringbrain @delboyanddier @write-like-babs @mymyfangirlsidedontlie @confuzzl @lynn-iswriting @steampunkprincess147 @siriuslyprocrastinating @nightskywriter @mel-thebookdragon @whore-of-god @i-lessthanthree-words @lefoxwriting @ahotpeaceofshit @fancycomedypositivitypeanut @dareyoutoread-blog @starwalker165 @disoriented-writer @my-fanaticdomain @throneofashandfire @dragonrhapsody @livingthelovelylife @wrathfulwriting @al-james-the-author @sinningforasrian @ineedrootsbeforebranches @magnoliablossom509 @knmartinshouldbewriting @youre-imagining-me @cataclysmicblue @djcarrieanne @nostarscancompare @piyosama @distance-does-not-matter @wildforestferret @lupin-patronus @a-humble-waffle @sad-wizard-writes @writings-of-a-narwhal @surroundedbypearls @xxitsgloomboyseasonxx @starrywritingg @kipoints @thewrittenpost @i-rove-rock-n-roll @rogueaicatcanhasdataset @if-all-i-have-are-words @mymainbloghere @flomaker778800 @bookish-actor @inscrutable-shadow @ashes-and-constellations @hans-verver-love @igotablankpage @queenoffloweryhell @ambermagare @thewordsinthesky-andstars @themultifariousweirdo @im-actually-a-superhero @walking-talking-irony

[lizzibennet]

1/2: Genuine question: do u have advice for USAmericans on empathy w/o condescension? ik you reblogged a post about how Americans only ever seem to care about THEIR issues/POV. But at the same time, ik you talked about your frustration with Americans acting as though other countries are the only ones with issues, or going "it must be hard to deal with X" as though we're above it. A lot of the time, I wanna be sympathetic to a friend, but I DON'T want to come off like I'm implying that I'm better

(2/2) bc i often worry that if i clarify stuff and go "oh and idk if you know, but [american thing] is...." or "oh, are you familiar with [american thing]?" that it's patronizing? i don't want to necessarily treat friends from other countries like i expect them to know less, but ofc, i don't also want to be so american-centric that i assume everyone always knows what i mean. and likewise, i want to be sympathetic if i see a friend's country in the news, but NOT come off as patronizing by asking

this is a delicate question simply bc i’m sure most of the time you don’t even realize what you’re doing or why you come off as patronizing so i’m going to try my best to explain why it comes across aas such and from there it might be easier for you to consider what u say. so the “it must be hard to deal with X” is condescending when it’s not directed at a person necessarily, it’s not an expression of empathy but an assertion about a fault that the us has too. it’s the insistence on pointing the finger at a “lesser” country for having this fault that is apparently so grave but the reluctance to accept that your country has that exact same issue that is bothersome, almost as if it’s only an issue when it’s convenient to make another culture seem worse than it is. like one that happened very recently to me was in a group of us friends in which i’m the only brazilian (really, i’m the only one of two out of like 20 who doesn’t live in the usa) they were like “yeah brazil is dealing with shit with a fascist leader” in a conversation i wasn’t online for and when i saw it later i was like. so you think your leader isn’t a fascist, huh, but mine is. to be clear- it’s not that i’m uncomfortable that he’s being referred to as a fascist, he is one, it’s that that word is never used towards trump in that group, even though my friends are WokeTM and definitely anti-trump. even then, they are reluctant to concede that their country is also a shithole in many senses that mine is, too. imagine that- a brazilian comparing their country to the us! the sacrilege! it’s that feeling i get. there was this time when we were talking about something politics related and i said something about trump and one of these friends was like “well it’s not like you can say much with bolsonaro in power” and it’s like. that’s not untrue but why bring bolsonaro in the picture? so i can’t discuss politics because my president sucks? that gives me more reason to be engaged in it, not less. why are you incapable of admitting fault in the us? and that is because even the Wokest of americans has it ingrained in their brain that the us is the greatest country in the world. so i’d suggest you monitor that reaction- when someone shit talks your country, is your first reaction to deny? to deflect? this is what i’m talking about:

so “non americans” (south americans, central americans, mexicans and canadians are still americans, so following this line of thot we can still tell you shit about america because we do, in fact, live in it but whatever) can’t tell you your country is horrible, even though it IS. why? we’re told that our country is shit, that our culture is wrong, that our beauty actually isn’t beauty, that our traditions are weird from the moment we’re born. why can’t you bear to hear that hey, your government is corrupt and horrible and your institutions treat people like shit? that’s not even specific to the us, that’s capitalism 101. why does it bother you that a “non american” points that out? because deep down you only think a “better” country could be critical, and deep down you still believe the us is the greatest country in the world. this person would never admit that they think this because they have a colonialist mindset that is, by default, racist as all hell, but that is in fact why “non americans” especifically telling them shit bothers them. they’re speaking about perceived injustice without realizing the place of privilege they’re in. this person above is like “if what the us is doing is directly affecting your country by all means speak up” as if the only countries affected by the us are the ones with troops stationed, as though that’d shut up the rest of us, showing they actually know shit about their own history and how it affects others’. i’m using this example because look at the retweets! people agree with this because they’re not aware and they live in comfortable ignorance, and it’s this ignorance you will have to go against- it will NOT be comfortable to you and you’ll wish you could be like “hey i suffer too” which isn’t the point, you know, the point is that your privilege actively hurts other people and to act like it’s an independent entity from how you interact with other people is disingenuous

to go “oh idk if you know this but” is definitely patronizing bc like a person from a “third world” country who is even minimally well informed knows, i assure you. if you would expect a local friend to know, chances are that if it’s a country-wide issue we will know, too. we probably won’t know about the particularities of your town’s mayor, but we will know about the bill that was passed that affected your state and about the protests in your city because we watch the news too, and world wide news is about fifty-fifty local news and international news (which, to you, “international” news would just be your local news). “are you familiar with x” is fine to ask imo but one thing that is also bothersome is the assumption that someone who lives in the same continent as you has such a different life that we won’t know idk like how a private post office works or something. even countries that are VERY dissimilar culture-wise are more similar than people think and, say, a south american country and the us are really not as dissimilar as us people seem to think. like recently i saw a youtuber comment on this case of a child singer who was very sexualized, and he was like “idk if that’s common in brazil but that’s not okay” and it’s like. WHAT do you think is common in brazil??? pedophilia?????? children shaking their ass isn’t okay anywhere, why the fuck would you assume culturally we’re so far away from you, of COURSE it is more common than it should be but do you really think there aren’t kids twerking in your country, do you genuinely think people here are inherently more sexual than people there just because, i- UGH headache emoji. that’s not to say each hasn’t its particularities but i guess what i’m trying to say is that the exotification of an entire country is bothersome. if you act like i, a privileged middle class white girl from brazil am a savage and ignorant and uncultured just because i don’t live in the us, even though my life in many aspects is quite similar to yours, then it PAINS me to think of what you’d think of even more different people, like my gran who was born in the middle of the amazon- if you think ill of me (even if unconsciously) then what will you think of her and her people, you know? even without much context my friends from the us get what i say when i speak about things that differ in our lives as middle class 20 year olds from different countries, because again it’s not so dissimilar, and if they don’t get it, they ask. from the get go i assume that they’re intelligent enough to fill in the blanks, so i don’t like being assumed less than capable of following a conversation just because i don’t have every minute detail, and in general, i feel like the entire population of my country is often assumed less than capable. when we encounter someone from outside who hasn’t a lot of context of how things go here, that is simply it - they’re a person without countext and we will help them understand it - but when it’s us who lack the context there is a clear implication that we do because we’re stupid and we should learn on the spot because we should know already anyway. you’re not being too american centric when you assume your friends are at least partially well informed, you’re being realistic tbh lol to assume we’re any less is to assume we’re less intelligent than you. expecting people to know is bad but assuming people won’t know worldwide huge topics that any person with an internet connection would is also not great

genuinely i think if you see a friend’s country in the news and want to ask if they’re okay and their opinion on it i don’t see any occasion in which you’d be condescending unless you tried really hard to be LOL like i think your friends will generally just be happy you thought of them. checking up on them is actually the kind of behavior we don’t expect from a self-centered usa person so i just think they will appreciate your concern. just don’t be like “oh sweet summer child cinnamon pie baby angle :-( poor u on a shithole country,,,,,,,” nor “wow must be hard dealing with [basic problem every other country also goes thru, including urs]. pooooooor thing who doesn’t have access to civilization :-((((((((((((((”

i’m sorry i’m so snarky in this sometimes but it’s because it couldn’t be more simple: if you think of the issue and consider it in a worldwide context, don’t speak about it as though your experience is law, don’t forget that other countries have other political contexts, and yet, don’t forget that normal people just like you live in those settings. literally just remember there’s seven billion people on this planet and b like oh shit, am i being ethnocentric rn,,,, it should be pretty clear tbh it’s not rocket science.

[dwindledglow]

001. MEET ANAÏS

FULL NAME: anaïs margo mercier. PREFERRED NAME: anaïs. NICKNAME/S: nais and nai. DATE OF BIRTH: october 11th, 1999. GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis female & she/her. ORIENTATION: hetero. RELIGION: undecided. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: in a relationship with thiago reyes. OCCUPATION: art curator. RESIDENCE: new york city.

002. CHECK ANAÏS’ BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: toulouse, france. NATIONALITY: french. ETHNIC BACKGROUND: cameroonian, french. LINGUISTICS: french which is her native language, english, spanish and german in a fluent level. EDUCATION: she has a degree in physics from sorbonne université campus pierre et marie curie. CRIMINAL RECORD: clean. BIRTH ORDER: first and only. FATHER: robin samuel mercier, born on july 4th, 1977 in paris, france, currently residing in tokyo, japan and working as a photographer and painter. MOTHER: rianne marie mercier, née berger, born on january 26th, 1979 in montpellier, france, currently residing in tokyo, japan and working as a freelance journalist. SISTER/S: none. BROTHER/S: none. SIGNIFICANT OTHER: thiago reyes. CHILDREN: none so far. OTHER RELEVANT FAMILY: marion catherine saidou-mercier, grandmother. omar pierre mercier, grandfather. EX/ES: none. PETS: none so far.

003. GET UP CLOSE & PERSONAL

HEIGHT: 5′6″ or 171 cm. WEIGHT: between 115 lbs or 52 kg and 125 lbs or 57 kg. BODY BUILD: overall, and perhaps due to genetics, anaïs has always been slim. even as she went through a phase where her diet consisted of junk food and equally unhealthy drinks, she managed to maintain a petite physique. thanks to her love for sports and her fitness habits - which became more regular from fifteen onwards - she put on some more muscle weight and has since managed to shape her body into something she feels more comfortable with. she has adequate curves, nothing over the top and far from fitting unrealistic, disproportionate expectations and trends, but enough to grant her a feminine frame.  EYE COLOR: brown. EYESIGHT: her eyesight isn’t perfect but it’s not completely ruined either. she struggles when she’s painting or doing a collage or office work and needs to focus for hours on end, so you’ll catch her reaching for her glasses then. likewise, she uses glasses to read, drive and watch television.  HAIR COLOR & STYLE: she has black hair and her relationship with it has never been linear. as a kid, raised in communities where diversity lacked, anaïs longed for sleek, straight hair that wouldn’t take hours to do and that wouldn’t attract the attention of others. she wanted to blend in. with the move to her grandparents’ home, and in a very euro-centric monaco, the dreading only grew but, thankfully, marion - her grandmother - taught her how to love herself, her little quirks and details, and that included loving her hair. she enjoys playing with it now. you’ll see her proudly wearing her afro in days she just wants to leave her hair be, but the vast majority of time, you’ll see her wearing intricate twists and braids, often thrown in a bun when she needs to get it out of the way.  DOMINANT HAND: right. NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: people used to tell her that she exudes confidence and anaïs has since found that the way she carries herself, her posture is one of the first things others note about her. after that, her hair does attract attention as well. maybe because of how long it has gotten, maybe because, as she likes to say, it has a life of its own. other distinguishing physical traits and features include her eye shape, her brows and her plump lips. SCARS AND MARKS: there is nothing that stands out. TATTOOS: none so far. PIERCINGS: she has her regular lobes pierced. VOICECLAIM: sharon alexie. ACCENT & INTENSITY: she has a french accent that becomes more intense and evident the more excited, angry or sleepy she gets. ALLERGIES: none that she’s aware of. PHOBIAS & FEARS: ending up alone and oblivion. MENTAL & PHYSICAL ILLNESSES: none so far. ALCOHOL USE: on social gatherings, mostly.  SMOKING: no. NARCOTICS USE: no, she doesn’t use narcotics of any kind. INDULGENT FOOD: when she’s feeling sad or overwhelmed. SPLURGE SPENDING: no. GAMBLING: no, never.

004. DIG DEEPER

CAN THEY DRIVE? yes, she can drive. CAN THEY COOK & BAKE? yes and yes. CAN THEY CHANGE A FLAT TIRE? yes. CAN THEY TIE A TIE? yes. CAN THEY SWIM? yes. CAN THEY RIDE A BICYCLE? yes. CAN THEY JUMP START A CAR? no. CAN THEY BRAID HAIR? yes. CAN THEY PICK A LOCK? yes. EXTROVERTED OR INTROVERTED? extroverted. DISORGANIZED OR ORGANIZED? organized chaos, or in other words, organized disorganization. CLOSE OR OPEN MINDED? open minded. CALM OR ANXIOUS? calm, sometimes a little too much. PATIENT OR IMPATIENT? impatient. OUTSPOKEN OR RESERVED? outspoken about her opinions, reserved about her feelings. LEADER OR FOLLOWER? depends on the situation, generally a leader. OPTIMISTIC OR PESSIMISTIC? pessimistic. TRADITIONAL OR MODERN? modern but traditional when it comes to certain rituals. HARD-WORKING OR LAZY? hard-working. CULTURED OR UNCULTURED? cultured. LOYAL OR DISLOYAL? loyal. FAITHFUL OR UNFAITHFUL? faithful. NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD? night owl. HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER? she’s a heavy sleeper. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee. DAY OR NIGHT? night. TAKING BATHS OR SHOWERS? showers. COCA COLA OR PEPSI? neither. CATS OR DOGS? cats. NETFLIX OR CINEMA? cinema. SHOWS OR MOVIES? movies. LAPTOP OR GAMING CONSOLE? gaming console. HEALTHY OR JUNK FOOD? healthy food. ICE CREAM OR FROZEN YOGURT? ice cream. PIZZA OR HAMBURGER? pizza. LOLLIPOPS OR GUMMY WORMS? lollipops. BEACH OR POOL? beach. SNOWBALLS FIGHTING OR ICESKATING? iceskating. LITERATURE OR SCIENCE? literature. HISTORY OR ART? both. CHOCOLATE BARS OR COTTON CANDY? chocolate bars. XBOX OR PLAYSTATION? playstation. FACE-TO-FACE OR PHONE INTERACTIONS? face-to-face interactions. DRAMA OR SCI-FI? drama. HORROR OR COMEDY? horror.

005. ANAÏS’ FAVORITES

FAVORITE ACTIVITY: painting. FAVORITE ANIMAL: penguin. FAVORITE BOOK: between the world and me by ta-nehisi coates. FAVORITE COLOR/S: she doesn’t have one, she loves every color. FAVORITE CUISINE: korean and mediterranean.  FAVORITE DISH/ES: tofu pad thai, pesto pasta, vegan bibimbap, japchae and hobak mandu. FAVORITE DRINK/S: golden cacao latte, vegan chai latte, maple gingerbread latte. FAVORITE FLOWER/S: fuchsia, poppies and lavender. FAVORITE GEM: blue moon stone. FAVORITE MOVIE: if beale street could talk by barry jenkins. FAVORITE SONG: like i want you by giveon. FAVORITE SCENT/S: freshly baked bread, coffee, bergamot and white musk. FAVORITE SHOW/S: hollywood, self made: inspired by the life of madam c.j. walker and extracurricular. FAVORITE SPORT/S & TEAM THEY SUPPORT: karate, judo, basketball, she supports los angeles lakers, soccer, she supports as monaco - courtesy of her grandpa, and she watches american football mostly because of her boyfriend which, consequently, means she supports whatever team he’s playing for. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR: fall. VACATION DESTINATION: mù cang chải, vietnam.

[minotaurman-ayjay]

ACAB - Leaving Wonderland

This will be a post on how I used to support the police, and how I’ve changed.

I will also write on this later. This will be detailing…

How increased coverage on Police Brutality changed my mind

Recollections on institutionalized racism, racism in police culture, and racism among civilian employees that I worked with as well as the police themselves.

How the very police department that I worked for mishandled my report, put me in danger, and how they treated me as a mentally ill civilian.

How police departments become corrupt, and how chain of command becomes compromised.

And lastly, how I was treated by my coworkers and supervisors after filing my report, and how they handled my mental and personal crisis, forcing me to quit and forever changed my outlook towards police.

I used to work for the police department in a civilian division. I was really good at my job, and loved the job that I did because I felt like I was helping people. I never really knew the outcome of those that I helped, and have helped many people out of volatile domestically centered situations. I helped spoke to fellow mentally ill citizens, especially those that were suicidal. I never really knew the outcome of my clients, because we weren’t really supposed to know unless it’s for official reasons. It’s a very thankless job, but it feels good to just be there for someone.

However, that slowly got tainted as 1) department wide corruption reared it’s ugly head and 2) how the division I worked for became toxic.

We had a black police chief for quite some time. Things were handled differently, and as painfully awkward he was on the PR front, he was really good at caring for people. And I feel like he legitimately did. He made a lot of changes in the department, and had different classes and training specifically for dealing with people who are mentally ill. Classes for “LGBT and Racial sensitivity”, and “Emergency De-escalation for Mentally Ill Civilians”  that basically amounted to “Treat everybody like a human being. Yes. Everybody. Not just WASPs. “ and “Don’t just shoot that guy because he’s having a violent psychological breakdown” and was always de-escalation before violence for *everybody*.

And then he was fired, and the reason for it was very vague and flimsy. Something that we were spoonfed and expected to accept. Hindsight tells me that it was most likely was for racial reasons and hiding those reasons behind “He embarrassed us at Washington DC and he used police resources for personal gain”. Like if such crime was committed, where are the receipts for it? Seriously, where is the evidence??? We weren’t allowed to know that much.

I asked way too many questions on this matter, and I’m pretty sure this is what got the higher ups pissed at me just enough that they opportunistically struck on me and force me to quit.

 --- more on that later, I’m trying to keep this as linear as possible ---.

A new police chief was soon appointed and to my (not) surprise, he is a Godfearing white guy who would suck Trump’s orange stump once he is within eyeshot of the guy.

Then the “LGBT and Racial Sensitivity” classes and classes how to handle the mentally ill disappeared for “budget cuts”. I’m certainly hoping that their crisis intervention that is de-escalation based and social worker run continues to be a thing and won’t be done away with because of this new leadership.

Now that the very top is corrupt and obviously not for the People, it enabled racist assholes with a god complex to come out of the goddamn woodwork. He started appointing people with his same views, etc.

Let’s get into Police Culture real quick. Police Culture is known for it’s Good Ol’ Boy mentality. Something that has supposed to have changed. It’s always been dominated by white men, and obviously, the white men within it are going to make sure that it stays that way. Again, hindsight has taught me, that police culture will never change because even though there are people on the inside who want to change it, white centric corruption will always be there to whisk it away.

I had been looking for another job to get out of the Department as my support for the police and for the Department itself began to wain. During this time, I would find an employer who sounded like they would move mountains to hire me... and then suddenly I would hear nothing. 

Then, there was some massive leadership reshuffling in my Division, and these were people who should not have been there at all. Remember when I asked too many questions about why the recent police chief was fired? These people were against that chief and are very pro-this chief. Shocking, right? So of course, me who did not like this chief (but was not outward it) or at very least had the AUDACITY to question something that was so obviously bullshit instead of accepting what I was spoonfed like everybody else.

... this is another point on how police culture works. The nail that stands out the most gets hammered. The loosest screw gets screwed..

---This is how I get screwed---

 then something happened to me that required me needing the police to help me.

TL;DR AND CW: PET DEATH, ANIMAL CRUELTY

I found my dog stabbed to death, most likely by my exroommates who still had a key... It happened while I was getting knew locks for my house. I called the police, and they took a report. But they did not collect any evidence that was obviously tied to what happened. The reporting officer pushed it through as an Information Only report because HE had concluded that my dog was mauled. He wasn’t even a detective. He was a REPORTING OFFICER who came to a conclusion and used that conclusion to dictate how my report went through --- 

*This was how we USED to (or so I thought) treat people who were mentally ill and constantly, frequently, calling with bizarre cases* It was active discrimination against the mentally ill that puts them in danger. I was “mentally apped” a long time ago, (where they take you to a hospital against your will. This is on your personal record forever and can fuck with getting driver’s license, and other things) and concluding something just because it doesn’t add up for “information only” was an old practice that I thought had been done away with.

but did anybody care about this? No, of course not. We were on different management. Months pass despite me blowing up the phones of Sergeants and the Detective that was assigned to my case.

I was talking to peer support to help me go through this, I told them what was going on with my life and what I was doing. They told me not to call these Sergeants and Detectives again and to wait for them to contact me.

I was then put under investigation for “Using police resources for personal gain”, and my supervisor had told me that I was harassing detectives and sergeants. Harassing them to do their job and pick up evidence? Sure.

Since I was under investigation, I was given an alternative assignment. I was put on a different shift--- Something that should have never happened because the shift that I was working was for medical reasons. I was on a rough antipsychotic medical schedule to keep my bipolar disorder and psychosis in check. My shift changed, which caused my medication to not work like it used to. 

I was also put in a room with a shitty chair that fucked with my osteoarthritis in my hip... another ADA accommodation that had been violated. They refused to give me a new chair and doctors notes were mysteriously never received. My ADA accommodations had suddenly disappeared, because we had changed to a 3rd party to handle ADA accommodations. We were told that resubmitting accommodations was not necessary as they are still active for the year--- That was a lie.

I eventually spiraled and had to go back to the mental hospital. I was under investigation for 3 months. I was stressed out of my mind and my medication was not working.

My therapist at the mental hospital had many one-on-ones with me, because she was concerned. She said that what I was going through was workplace abuse. This piled on top of the grief of losing my PTSD companion dog in a terrible, vicious, violent, senseless way, was not good for my already fragile mental health.

Before I went to the mental hospital, I had found out that Peer Support had told the administration what I was doing, and what I was going through. This was what triggered the investigation. 

TW.... SUI IDEATION AND PLAN....

Because of this, I was probably a day or so away from running away to the creek and overdosing in a place where my girlfriend couldn’t find me. My life had been turned upside down, and nobody was helping me. My workplace didn’t care. Their treatment of me became abusive when I needed them the most.

I quit after getting out of the mental hospital. Ever since then, I’ve had an issue with becoming employed elsewhere.

There are no good cops. Good cops do not last long. If a good cop ends up becoming police chief, he ends up being overthrown by the white male majority, because of white-centric police culture. This caused a lot of changes that fucked a lot of civilians and civilian employees over. There was one police involved slaying shortly after these changes were made, and it’s the same ol’ song and dance that’s going on across america.

I will never support the police again. Not only because of my personal experience, but because I understand and have witnessed the culture, and how institutionally racist it is. 

I am sorry that I ever supported the police. I am sorry that I worked for an entity that actively suppresses minorities and actively suppresses Freedom of Speech for the interest of corporations. I realize that I couldn’t be both a Black Lives Matter supporter and a police supporter. I chose Black Lives Matter as I saw the police brutality that I now realize that has always been there. I chose black lives matter as I watched a white police chief do away everything that was progressive. I chose Black Lives Matter as I increasingly worry about my friends of color as hate continues to spread and increase.

I was in the division that I chose because I felt that I was helping people. I thought working with the police was what was going to enable me to help people. That became apparent that wasn’t true the moment we switched police chiefs. We’ve become just like any other police department in the country.

I’m sorry.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Widows

Between this and Ocean’s 8 I think my new favorite microgenre of movies is female-centric heist films. Except where Ocean’s 8 just makes me want to eat brunch and be gay and do crimes, this movie makes me want to burn the fucking patriarchy to the ground and dance naked around the flames. And also be gay. That’s probably my own issue. A film of this pedigree - Steve McQueen directing and also co-writing with the unstoppable Gillian Flynn, starring Viola Davis - feels like a recipe for success, but is it anything more than just some kickass ladies stealing shit? Well...

Y’all, it’s not even ABOUT the heist. It’s about Viola Davis, Michelle Rodriguez, Elizabeth Debicki, and Cynthia Erivo embodying women who are trying to take control of their own lives. Women who are learning what it means to define themselves, rather than to be defined by the men they are with. Their husbands die in a heist, and they’re left to pick up the pieces - and repay those husbands’ debts, lest they get some more threatening visits from the Mannings (Daniel Kaluuya and Brian Tyree Henry). When Veronica (Viola Davis) discovers the plans for her late husband’s (Liam Neeson) next job, she gathers the widows together to pull off the job themselves and pay off the men threatening their lives. But as in all heists, there are some twists and turns along the way, and some next level suspense as they attempt to pull off the seemingly impossible.

Some thoughts:

So I have this problem where I kind of hate Michelle Rodriguez because her face like...never moves? Which feels like it should be the very first prerequisite required to be an actress, but what do I know. Anyway, the good news is that I hate her much less in this than anything else I’ve ever seen her in.

I love that each of the women get to be shown using their own experiences and skill sets to try to pull off the subterfuge. Linda (Michelle Rodriguez) speaks Spanish to another Latina woman when she’s trying to get information. “It’s my first week of work and my boss...” and the woman helps her, just like that. Because women have to stick together. Alice (Elizabeth Debicki) makes up a story about being a mail-order bride, complete with tears and rapid Polish-speaking, to get a woman at a gun show to help her purchase the guns for the job. And Veronica uses her appearance of wealth and status to infiltrate their heist location with ease. The only reason this scheme even gets off the ground is because of women helping other women at every turn.

That’s probably because every single man in this movie is untrustworthy, and his power corrupts (with the exception of one: Bash, the driver (Garret Dillahunt), did nothing wrong). Chicago politicians? Cronyism and bribes. First-time candidates for political office? Gang members and brutalizers. Nice guy john who’s paying Alice for sex? Dismissive and incapable of treating her as anything more than an object. DEATH TO THE PATRIARCHY Y’ALL.

This little white fluffy dog (who also starred in Game Night, so that’s some Meryl Streep-levels of range) is very cute but also so yappy how do criminals do crime shit when they’re carrying the loudest dog to ever exist? Also, just so everyone knows, there is a scene of brief but intense dog peril, but the dog is not harmed, I repeat, the dog survives the movie unharmed.

Steve McQueen’s directing means that not only is the pacing an exquisite slow burn, but each moment of increasing tension is also so visually beautiful to watch. Veronica wears a ton of white, and the juxtaposition between her posh, sleek white apartment and the grim darkness of the warehouse and alleys where they’re planning their crimes is an unsubtle, but effective, representation of these different worlds colliding.

A very special shout-out goes to Brian Tyree Henry and especially Daniel Kaluuya as his brother and enforcer. Kaluuya is on some next-level terrifying here, as his huge eyes stay cold and reptilian while terrorizing folks who have done his brother wrong. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so afraid of a regular dude just standing still in a movie - maybe Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men?

Robert Duvall, playing the literal patriarch of a political dynasty in Chicago, says an incredible line about politics, but really it’s about everything: “You think you’re going to change anything? You won’t change anything. We can’t change anything; all we can do is SURVIVE. And we do that by staying in power.” Does that not explain everything about our society in a nutshell? I got chills.

Most importantly, though, these women are doing what Duvall and his son (an oily and entitled Colin Farrell) claim they’re doing to support their corner of Chicago - supporting WOC by investing in businesses, or running a small business, or rebuilding a school library - and that’s the difference. Men talk. Women do.

At first I was a bit disappointed that the film forced Viola Davis to portray Veronica as so hard, to the point of being cold and unfeeling. There’s a long cultural (racist) legacy of portraying black women as emotionless, or the strong silent type who never show their suffering. But at the very end, when Veronica runs into Alice and smiles, I was trying to figure out why the movie would end this way; why would the final shot be her smiling face? And it hit me. It’s because Veronica is only cold and ruthless when navigating her husband’s world - when she is finally out from under that weight, and living life on her own terms, she is free to express herself. She’s taken control of her own life for the first time in years, and it looks radiant on her.

This movie is like Ocean’s 8 covered in kerosene and set on fire. Whether you care about heists or not, see it.

[admiralbell]

MBTI - ISTJ Moral Alignment - Lawful Neutral Enneagram - Type 8 Temperament - Choleric TV Tropes - Angry White Man; Dad the Veteran; Disability as an Excuse for Jerkassery; Even Evil Has Loved Ones; War Hawk

(details below the cut)

MBTI | ISTJ - The Logistician or The Duty Fulfiller (x & x)

Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, such as law offices, regulatory bodies and military. People with the Logistician personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, Logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.

—

ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They’re not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything “by the book”.

—

The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love.

Moral Alignment | Lawful Neutral (x)

The lawful neutral being normally sees law and order as of prime importance, with the well-being of the group put ahead of the individual on almost every occasion. Such persons see good and evil as immaterial and unimportant in the structuring of the universe into perfect order and harmony, in which lies society’s only hope for survival. Whether a law is good or evil is of no import as long as it brings order and meaning. Thus, personal gratification of needs and desires is well and fine, as long as this doesn’t interfere with the ultimate ordering of the cosmos; all other considerations are secondary. Life, to the lawful neutral being, has no meaning without order, and is thus expendable when faced with the choice between it and harmony.

Enneagram | Type 8 - The Challenger (x)

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

Temperament | Choleric (x)

They are firm and forceful in their approach to problems. They believe in ‘tough love’, and try to 'help’ others by challenging them to prove themselves, as they themselves would. They’re more likely to tell someone who they are trying to 'help’ that they’re pathetic, expecting the person to say 'no, I’m not pathetic, I’ll show you!’, as indeed a choleric would in response to such a thing.

If met by opposition, they react confrontationally to defend themselves. They are constantly trying to be 'dominant’ in every situation, subconsciously, either by being louder and better than those around them, or more restrained and therefore superior to those who lose their cool.

TV Tropes

Angry White Man - He’s frequently exasperated by what he sees as overly generous attempts to incorporate minorities into the modern American cultural fabric (or not-so-modern, for that matter); media stereotypes of whites as stupid, unfashionable, and/or “un-ethnic”; the supposed scapegoating of white people for everything that goes wrong in the world; or occasionally just the general feeling that he soon might be the Last of His Kind. In more extreme cases, the very thought of homosexuals, women, and ethnic groups enjoying the same comforts as him is enough to make him cry oppression. Will as often as not be played for comedy. If not… watch out!

Dad the Veteran - Whether he’s a Standard ‘50s Father or an Overprotective Dad, he’s capable of being a real hardcase in the right circumstances. Yes, even the Dads who appear to be nothing but creampuff can be tough guys when they need to be, and he bases it all on his years of military service.

Disability as an Excuse for Jerkassery - Contrary to many people’s preconceptions that disabled people are all nice or otherwise pleasant to be around much like many depictions of the Magical Differently Abled Person, disability does not prevent the person with it from being an unpleasant person. Some will even use their “illness” to get away with saying things that are at best inappropriate, and at worst outright offensive.

Even Evil Has Loved Ones - Being evil doesn’t always mean hatred and negativity 24/7. Even evil characters (and real people) can find someone to love. Often, that love is twisted, a cause for villainy, or an act but sometimes a work can show an evil character’s love is genuine and deep. This serves to humanize the character, to give the hero doubts about fighting him/her, or to provide a weakness for the hero to exploit.

War Hawk - When a tense situation between countries, factions, or nations breaks out, there will usually be those who advocate going to war as the only option. They tend to be extremely aggressive and vocal in their position, and may view those who dismiss warfare as an option as cowards or idealists. War Hawks will often appeal to the general population for support to bring pressure on their ideological opponents to declare war.

[mrchristianaxavier]

Reflections on Anti-Blackness as a Black Trans Artist & Entrepreneur

Last year, I decided to define liberation for myself, as a Black Trans individual living in a white supremacist society. I was tired of being in survival mode and being poor. I was tired of being exploited and tokenized by non-profits that employed me. I was tired of working at non-affirming organizations and companies. I was tired of dealing with anti-Black supervisors and managers. I was tired of being close to death. As a Solutionary, I committed myself to diving deeply into my artistry and entrepreneurship, for these were in fact ways in which a Black Trans individual like myself, could gain financial security and freedom…creating more opportunity for myself, my loved ones, as well as my community.

FrootFly LLC was founded by myself and my partner, who is also a Black Trans woman, to create a Fresh Fruit Distribution Resource for BlPOC, Individuals with Health Immune Deficiencies, Youth & Elders and Everyone open to embracing and honoring the natural goodness the Earth provides. We chose to sell high-quality tropical fruit, not normally found in the convenient and grocery stores that are accessible to marginalized individuals, such as Soursop, Jackfruit, Mamey, Sapodilla, Cacao, Nam Wah Bananas, Yellow & Red Dragon Fruit, Passion Fruit and more. Growing up and living in the hood, my partner and I understood the frustration of not having access to healthy quality fruits and vegetables and wanted to increase access to those who need it most, especially during COVID-19. In addition, we wanted to help build our ancestral and cultural connections through the variety of items we offer.  With our Fruit Share Program, FrootFly also aims to provide marginalized individuals with Organic Tropical Fruit boxes, monthly.

In addition to creating a small business with my partner, I also released a children’s book, entitled, My Name is Troy. My Name is Troy is a book specifically for young Black Trans boys, about a Black Trans boy named Troy, who is loved, protected, and affirmed by his family. The children’s book was an envisioning of the love I never received from my family, while growing up and a gift to young Black Trans boys who may grow up thinking they are alone or who are told that they are wrong about who they know themselves to be.

With efforts rooted in health, wellness, equity, and overall liberation, many would assume community to be supportive. But unfortunately, within this beautiful journey of reclaiming our time in a world where many are rooting for the demise an overall genocide of Black Trans people, I (as well as my partner) have experienced much anti-Blackness from many who claim to stand in solidarity with Black Trans Lives and Black owned businesses.  

Here are just a few DONT’s when supporting Black Trans Artists and Entrepreneurs:

Being Blocked from posting in Facebook Groups

When my partner and I launched FrootFly, the first places we went to promote our new business were social media platforms, such as Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Social media allows artists and entrepreneurs to meet and engage with potential customers where they are at.

Paid Facebook advertisements are good for creatives and businesses because they allow you to target a specific audience. Facebook claims that they are 89% accurate when it comes to targeted campaigns. However, as Black Trans individuals in survival mode, securing funds to consistently pay for Facebook ads proved to be difficult. Therefore, much of our Fb promotion occurred via our personal pages, our business page and by posting in various community-based groups. 

After a few weeks of posting, I noticed that many of my posts in certain Trans and LGBTQIA+ groups were being reported and marked as spam, not by Facebook but by so-called community members and group admins, themselves. The same people known to hashtag #BlackTransLivesMatter and show up to community rallies, vigils, and marches with a quickness, were also quick to further oppress and marginalize the very people they claim to stand in solidarity with, on social media. Stopping me from posting in groups, stopped potential income from getting to 2 Black Trans individuals striving to live full lives, and not solely survive. 

It was especially disheartening for me personally to experience because as a Trans advocate and freedom fighter who has positioned himself on the frontlines many many times, I knew if I were an admin of a LGBTQIA+, Trans or Queer Facebook group, I personally would let Black Trans artists and entrepreneurs post their items for sale freely (regardless of the purpose of the group) because I’m conscious and aware of the experiences of Black Trans individuals and understand the necessity and importance of closing economic gaps and increasing equity for those most marginalized.

 White Cis-centric Expectations for Operations

Good customer service means meeting customers' expectations. And meeting customers' expectations pays off for all businesses. Customer support is more than just providing answers; it’s an important part of the promise a brand makes to its customers. 

Most large companies and corporations have customer service departments to handle inquiries and complaints. They have shipping departments that track packages, manufacturers to produce items at rapid rates and in bulk quantities, and huge warehouses to hold these items. However, when you’re a small business, oftentimes it’s the owners who have to make sacrifices unknown and wear multiple hats, especially when first launching a brand. But things can become even more difficult and stressful when you’re a small business owner who is also a part of several marginalized communities.

When shipping items from FrootFly, as well as copies of My Name is Troy, many customers, and so-called supporters, after only a few days, sent emails asking where their items were. Initially, in the name of good customer service, we would respond with our processing time, tracking info and shipping process, but after a while I soon noticed that many of these inquiries were accusatory and filled with anxiety rooted in Anti-Blackness.

It is a fact that Black businesses struggle in ways that white owned businesses do not. One of the reasons that Black businesses struggle to succeed is due to a general distrust of Black people. In general, society views Black people as “unprofessional”. From the way we wear our hair to our diction and ability to code switch, Black people in business realms are constantly policed and expected to fit tightly and neatly in line with corporate norms established by white elites.

Most people who reached out to us did so because they did not trust us as Black people, who owned a business. They did not trust me, as a Black person, who was an author of a children’s book. They assumed that they were getting swindled for their money, scammed, and robbed…because in their eyes, that is what Black people do. It was evident in their typed microaggressions, the way things were phrased and phony excuses. Studies have shown that people of all ethnicities and backgrounds have stated that they rather do business with a white owned company than a Black owned company. If it is hard for Black cisgender-owned businesses…imagine the experiences of a Black Trans owned business.

Understanding the experiences of Black Trans individuals and supporting Black Trans businesses go hand-in-hand. Instead of getting angry and impatient with Black Trans business owners, when products are seemingly delayed, email response time is not immediate, or when operations seemingly do not imitate that of a large corporation…in my opinion, a person who truly stands in solidarity would consider what that person is also experiencing daily. Has that Black Trans individual eaten today? Has that Black Trans individual experienced violence today? Do they have consistent access to Wi-Fi?

Most Black Trans owned business will look a bit different than cisgender owned businesses in terms of operations, due to an extreme difference in access and lack of equity. For many Black Trans individuals, each day is literally a fight to survive…and as entrepreneurs, this is what my partner and I are committed to overcome.

 Reported PayPal Disputes 

When I wrote My Name is Troy, I did so out of love for self and Black Trans youth, specifically Black Trans boys. I did not write the book to make a profit, but to leave something behind in the name of legacy that was beautifully made for Black Trans youth for generations to come. I priced the book at a rate that I felt was accessible specifically for Black families of all incomes, but also leaving me with little profit. For me, the book was bigger than profit. Ultimately it was a gift for young Black Trans boys…a reminder that they matter, while living in a world that seemingly forgets that they even exist.

Upon releasing the book, many people who purchased the book were white and/or cisgender members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Hundreds of orders poured in unexpectedly within the first 2 weeks of accepting pre-orders. The book had done better than I expected in terms of units sold but wasn’t reaching the demographic I had hoped...young Black Trans boys.

I knew that shipping so many books would take me some time. For one, each set of books I ordered from the printer took 2 or more weeks to get to me, due to COVID-19 related shipping delays. There were further delays once I shipped the books to those who purchased them. The profit left over from each book sold only covered shipping fees but did not cover my travel to and from the post office nor the shipping materials used to mail the books. But I committed myself to getting a book to each person who placed an order, no matter how long it would take me. And why wouldn’t I?

After two weeks of releasing my book, more emails began pouring in about the whereabouts of their items. Apparently, I was not moving fast enough. But what people were not being truthful about was that to them I was not moving at a pace that they were used to…a pace that is easily kept by the white owned companies and corporations they usually support.

When I responded to some of the email inquiries, some people encouraged me to be transparent with my customers to make it easier on both myself and patrons. But explaining to hundreds of so-called community members that Black Trans individuals have it harder than most and that their bias is causing their anxiety became exhausting. Many people became combative, but a few actually did admit to their anti-Blackness, claiming they would do better. I knew the anti-Blackness I experienced was real, despite most people’s denial, projection, and dismissiveness.

Several customers even went to the extent of reporting my PayPal account, claiming they never received an item…a claim rooted in Anti-Blackness, impatience, and the expectation for Black Trans entrepreneurs to deliver things at the same rate as white owned corporations. Most of the disputes ruled in my favor, as I explained to PayPal that there were shipping delays. But some did not, causing my account to go into the negative several times, with security measures added that made receiving and transferring funds extremely difficult. With each negative transaction, PayPal also threatened to send a report of owed funds from refunds sent to collections, negatively affecting my credit. This frustrated me for many reasons, but mostly because I stressed myself out trying to get out as many books as I could as often as I could, despite my lack of income and resources.

Is this how community stands in solidarity with Black Trans entrepreneurs? The distrust and bias from so-called allies and accomplices in my opinion, is ultimately violence. Where were the emails from community members asking me if there was anything anyone could do to help me ship things faster? This is what happens when so-called community is not intentionally mindful of the experiences of those most marginalized and when support is performative rather than an investment in Black Trans communities.

When you’re buying something from a Black Trans artist or entrepreneur, you’re not just purchasing a product. You’re helping a Black Trans person eat that day. You’re helping to provide a Black Trans person with another day of shelter. You’re helping a Black Trans person purchase their meds and pay bills. You’re literally helping a Black Trans person to live.

Do better.

[aion-rsa]

Son of Kong Could Work in the MonsterVerse

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The MonsterVerse lives! Not even a year ago it seemed likely that Godzilla vs. Kong would end up being the final bout in the series of movies that launched back in 2014 with Godzilla. But the surprisingly robust box office success of the titanic prize fight — $407 million at the worldwide box office and counting after four weeks, even with the movie being offered for free until the end of this month on HBO Max — has led Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures to believe there’s still lots of life in this shared universe…. including a possible Son of Kong movie?!

According to THR, talks recently commenced with Godzilla vs. Kong director Adam Wingard about coming back for a fifth entry in the series. That would make Wingard the first director to helm a second film in the franchise, with all the others until now basically one-and-done efforts. There’s no timetable for when the film might go into official development or production, and Wingard himself has a full dance card at the moment with a sequel to Face/Off and his beloved big screen version of Thundercats both in his sights.

Godzilla vs. Kong was already in production when 2019’s Godzilla: King of the Monsters stiffed spectacularly at the box office, earning just $386 million worldwide. It was speculated that the follow-up would quickly wrap up the series with the long-awaited clash between the towering fire-breathing dinosaur and the legendary giant ape, who made his big-screen return in 2017’s successful Kong: Skull Island.

Whether it was the seemingly irresistible lure of seeing the two most recognizable giant monsters in pop culture share the screen for the first time since 1962, or the fact that audiences were hungry to return to theaters as many parts of the world — including the U.S. — began to fully emerge from the depths of the still-ongoing pandemic, Godzilla vs. Kong was the right movie at the right time. It’s thrown a much-needed lifeline to still-struggling theaters and provided cautious moviegoers with the kind of massive spectacle that multiplexes are made for.

Both Wingard and screenwriter Max Borenstein have noted to us that there are ideas already out there for a fifth film, so what will they do for an encore? Well, according to the Reporter, one title that has allegedly been thrown around is Son of Kong. And yes, we hear the groans out there right now from you diehard Kong and monster movie fans.

For those of you who don’t know, Son of Kong was the 1933 sequel to the original classic King Kong, produced quickly back in the days when sequels were cheap cash-ins and not $200 million stepping stones to even bigger follow-ups. Robert Armstrong reprised his role as fast-talking showman Carl Denham, who flees to Skull Island to escape the financial ruin brought upon by Kong’s disastrous debut in New York. With an actress not named Fay Wray on his arm, Denham encounters the title offspring, a lovable white ape who ends up saving the man that captured his dad and indirectly caused his death.

Warner Bros.

Rushed into production (it was in theaters an astonishing eight months after Kong) and featuring many of the same names behind the scenes, such as director Ernest B. Schoedsak, composer Max Steiner, and of course visual effects wizard Willis O’Brien, Son of Kong was just 62 minutes long and we don’t even meet Junior until about 45 minutes in. It’s innocuous enough and more of a kiddie picture than anything else, but also a forgettable knockoff of its much more awe-inspiring predecessor.

So there’s a lot of narrative and creative room for Wingard and company to work with, even with that title — clearly the original Son of Kong storyline will be the first thing to go. But how can they move forward from there?

Given that Godzilla vs. Kong ended with Kong happily reigning over the rediscovered underground kingdom known as Hollow Earth, it seems likely that Wingard — who was reportedly very involved in developing Hollow Earth for the former film — would want to continue exploring that aspect of the MonsterVerse.

Read more

Movies

MonsterVerse Movies Ranked: From Godzilla vs. Kong to King of the Monsters

By Don Kaye and 1 other

Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong: Where The MonsterVerse Should Go Next

By David Crow

It’s been established in GvK that Hollow Earth is the birthplace of the Titans and still a somewhat flourishing ecosystem with its own long and rich history. Kong and Godzilla’s ancestors fought there, and it seems as if nearly all the Titans we’ve encountered before in the previous four films have emanated from there in some fashion.

There are clearly lots of parts of the Hollow Earth yet to be explored, which means plenty of new creatures to be introduced, and certainly one of those could be the offspring of Kong. How that offspring comes into being, given that Kong seems to be the last of his race at this point, will remain a mystery for now — but since the entire Hollow Earth mythology isn’t exactly out of the pages of Scientific American, we’re confident that the filmmakers will come up with some of kind of word salad to explain it all.

Kong could end up discovering another of his kind — a female — hidden deep within Hollow Earth, perhaps waiting for his return or the arrival of another of their species. The birth of Kong’s son could be the big moment that the movie leads up to, with other dangerous creatures all attempting to stop that from happening for reasons of their own.

An alternate twist would be to have the Kong we know from this movie and Kong: Skull Island actually be the “son” of the title, and have him discover that his much bigger, much meaner dad has secretly been surviving all along in Hollow Earth. That would perhaps set up some massive (in all senses of the word) daddy issues for Kong Jr., and we know how much screenwriters love to delve into those.

One opportunity that a Kong-centric movie does provide is the chance for Legendary to create a whole new roster of original monsters. Since Kong has had far fewer film appearances than Godzilla, with the latter ruling an extensive Japanese shared universe for 60 years before this MonsterVerse launched, the big ape has had far less opportunities to develop a monstrous rogues gallery of his own. Son of Kong or whatever it ends up being called could build upon the foundations for that which were put down in Kong: Skull Island and GvK, without having to cut Toho Studios a check to use one of their babies.

Speaking of which… where does Godzilla fit into this whole scenario? We last saw the big dragon swimming peacefully back into the deep after he and Kong teamed up to defeat Mechagodzilla. Is there room for him in Son of Kong, or will he potentially get another solo movie of his own?

If he does, as we mentioned above, there are plenty of opponents to choose from should Legendary want to pay the (reportedly exorbitant) licensing fees that Toho requires. As our David Crow points out here, kaiju from the past 30 years alone like Biollante and Destoroyah rank among Godzilla’s most compelling adversaries, and even oldies such as Hedorah, Gigan or Kumonga could be reinvented as more modern enemies. And there’s always the possibility of Mothra or King Ghidorah returning as well.

Whether audiences have an appetite for anything beyond a can’t-miss-that conflict like the one portrayed in Godzilla vs. Kong remains unknown for now, but it’s clear whatever comes next in the Monsterverse, Son of Kong or otherwise, there’s a vast canon from which to draw stories — and they don’t involve a cute white baby Kong saving Carl Denham’s sorry ass.

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[spiritualdirections]

Professional women today are as unhappy as their suburban housewife grandmothers. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“The Ambition Collision,” by Lisa Miller is one of the more read articles on the New York Magazine website. It compares the malaise that professional women feel today with the malaise of the suburban housewife Betty Freidan characterizes in The Feminine Mystique.

What is this midlife crisis among the 30-year-olds I know?  Millennial women — at least those who reside in professional bubbles — seem to have it all. They are better educated, more prosperous, less encumbered by cultural expectations than any previous generation of women. They delay marriage (if they marry at all) and children (if they choose to conceive). They can own or rent. They can save or spend. These women have been on familiar terms with their ambitions all their lives — raised by careful parents to aim high (millennial women are likelier than their male peers to have professional jobs, to be managers, and to work in finance), and tutored by their cultural icons to perform their empowerment, and never submit. You know, “Bow down, bitches,” as they say.

So why are the well-employed, ambitious 30-year-olds of my acquaintance feeling so adrift, as discontented as the balding midlife sad sacks whose cliché dissatisfactions made Updike rich? The women complain of the enervating psychic effects of the professional treadmill as white-collar piecework and describe their dread as they contemplate bleak futures — decade after decade, they imagine, unfulfilled. After a lifetime of saying ‘yes’ to their professional hunger — these are the opportunity-seizers, the list-makers, the ascendant females, weaned on Lean In — they’ve lost it, like a child losing grasp of a helium balloon. Grief-stricken, they are baffled too, for they have always been propelled by their drive. They were the ones who were supposed to run stuff — who as girls imagined themselves leaving the airport in stylish trench coats, hailing a taxi with one hand while holding their cell in the other.

Who ever said that work should be the be-all?

Now, “there’s no vision,” one woman said to me. “Nothing solid,” said another. Limp, desperate, they fantasize about quitting their good jobs and moving home to Michigan. They murmur about purpose, about the concrete satisfactions of baking a loaf of bread or watching a garden grow. One young woman I know dreams about leaving her consulting job, which takes her to Dubai and Prague, to move back home and raise a bunch of kids. Another, an accountant with corner-office aspirations, has decided to “phone it in” for a few years while she figures out what she wants to do. Mostly, though, these women don’t bail out. They are too responsible, and too devoted to their wavering dreams. They stay put, diligently working, ordering Seamless and waiting for something — anything — to reignite them, to convince them that their wanting hasn’t abandoned them for good. Any goal would do, one woman told me: a child, a dog — “even a refrigerator.” People have been motivated by less.

Get a grip, I want to tell them, for I am old enough to be, if not their mother then their world-weary aunt. Who ever said that work should be the be-all? You work for money. The money you earn pays the rent. You are the very, very lucky few, in possession of the jobs and apartments that every tier-one college student wants. But the more I listen, the more I think I hear in these young women’s voices the echo of something familiar — the complaints of a long-ago generation but in reverse. The female dissatisfaction chronicled by Betty Friedan in The Feminine Mystique was prompted by a widespread awakening to the bullshit promises of domestic happiness, manufactured by culture to make female containment look good. Now another bullshit promise has taken its place, and another generation is waking up.

Here’s some thoughtful commentary from an MIT student:

Last night, I was reading some articles from “The Cut”, a section of New York Magazine. I came across this one, titled “The Ambition Collision” by Lisa Miller. It's one of The Cut's most read articles, and describes how a generation of professional millennial women face a strange, unexplainable burnout. They seem to lose their motivation and desire after a few years in the workforce, or at once on entering it. ...What intrigued me about the article is what the author said after describing this problem, which is that, while those external struggles exist, there’s still a deeply personal perspective problem that everyone has. I’ll let the article explain itself here:

“The lesson of The Feminine Mystique was not that every woman should quit the ‘burbs and go to work, but that no woman should be expected to find all her happiness in one place — in kitchen appliances, for example. And the lesson for my discontented friends is not that they should ditch their professional responsibilities but that they should stop looking to work, as their mothers looked to husbands, as the answer to the big questions they have about their lives. “I think possibly work has replaced ‘and they got married and lived happily ever after,’ and that is a false promise,” says Ellen Galinsky, co-founder of the Families and Work Institute. “Everyone needs to have more than one thing in their life. We find people who are dual-centric to be most satisfied. If people put an equivalent stress on their life outside of their job they get further ahead and are more satisfied at their job.””

Though this insight was shared through the lens of writing about women’s issues, I think it’s a useful thing to think about for everyone. After graduating high school and moving into college, I graduated in a lot of other ways too. Some were expected--I reached new levels of independence and capability. Some were unexpected, like new reaching new levels of confidence, or weird, like a new level of defining myself and understanding the depth of my identity. And somehow, I seemed to reach a new level of sadness or discomfort too. Adult feelings somehow are more complicated than kid feelings, and I still haven’t figured out why. It’s not that I feel more or less happy than when I was child (although probably it’s a little bit less, lol) but it’s that, as a child you at least always know why you’re unhappy--denial of ice cream, the onset of sleepiness, a little brother that destroys your things. Unhappiness is for the most part temporary and usually defined by a single moment.

Adult unhappiness has seemed to involve many more themes, where the same feelings always worm their way into whatever sadness I’m feeling that day, even if they have nothing to do with why I’m sad in that moment. It feels a little more chronic. Maybe it’s because of passage of time, and accumulating many more things to be unhappy about over the years. Sometimes sadness is unexplainable, like those women in The Cut article, just a strange listlessness that I can never articulate very well.

Sometimes coming to MIT feels a little bit like hitting a ceiling too. At least in my case, MIT was a goal I worked on for a full 7 years (I first started reading the blogs in middle school, lol). A sentence from this article stands out to me: “It’s as if the women have cleared spaces in their lives for meteoric careers, and then those careers have been less gratifying, or harder won, or more shrunken than they’d imagined.”

MIT was certainly hard won. And I had known, at least superficially, that what I was doing was kind of insane--I worked really hard to get into a place where I would have to work even harder. I think what I hadn’t prepared for was just how dissatisfying it can be to have hard work feel fully wasted. Freshmen year there was a lot of studying for days to barely pass, rather than studying for days to at least get a decent grade. But now that’s mostly over--my classes are in the field I most enjoy, they’re interesting, and though they’ve certainly required hard work, my academic life is a little more balanced. So why does that feeling of burnout, dissatisfaction, listlessness still hit? (it’s always in November or February....)

Maybe it's because as a student, life is still pretty centered around work. But things outside of work aren't always great either...

As Pascal said, all people complain, even those at the top of society. The world is fallen, and so it doesn’t live up to our desires that it not be fallen. And nothing in the world can make that fallenness go away. We’ll eventually all feel this if we are sensitive and thoughtful and realistic, if we don’t just distract ourselves from it. Not even a great university or great career or great apartment can make us deeply happy.