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kanencrow · 4 months ago

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The Father who Stepped up - Shauna Shipman | One Shot

Summary: When Shauna gives birth to her baby boy, she finds herself designating you as 'the father who stepped up' after she experiences first-hand how nurturing you are to something so innocent and defenseless. It helps her simultaneously come to terms with the fact that she's a mother, and it also allows her to realize that she's actually kind of into you, too.

Warnings: Swearing, Suggestive Themes, Descriptions of Cannibalism, Talks of Jackie’s Death.

A/N: All characters are 18+ by default, and the reader is gender neutral (no pronouns were used). I'm tempted to do a part two that consists of more domestic stuff amongst you and Shauna because I don't think I added as much I could've in this one shot, but I'm not sure if anyone would want that, so let me know in my inbox!

Word Count: 10000+

It’s like clockwork for Shauna.

She wakes up every single night, at a time where the sun is completely gone, and the room she’s been cooped up in after giving birth is pitch black. Even the illumination of the moon doesn’t peek through the window, and so it only makes it more difficult for her to function when the almost habitual crying of her son sounds off the moment she preemptively wakes up. It’s gotten to a point where her body naturally rouses a few minutes before the baby starts to fuss – like it just knows that her time for sleep is going to get interrupted. It only makes her all the more frustrated and sad, because she values her rest, and she feels that no one wants to take the time to help her care for him.

Shauna’s sleep deprived and grumpy, even as she gathers her aching body and slowly gets up from the bed she’s practically been rotting on for the past few days. Bearing a child with a body that was weak from malnutrition and lack of water was far worse than any traumatic thing she had gone through in the past. So she can’t help the way she groans and whines while she walks over to the makeshift crib you and Van had put together using sticks, leaves, and rocks. It was a nice gift from the two of you, since it gave her a place to put the baby, just so there wasn’t that worry of rolling on top of him while she slept in bed.

And sure, it made her have to get up more than she wanted, but the thought of losing her son because she wasn’t careful was something that didn’t sit right in her chest. She’d been meaning to thank you and Van for the thoughtfulness, but both of you had been so busy with chores around the cabin – and she could barely walk as is – so it just made the entire task all the more difficult. But with the way neither one of you looked expectant in receiving that form of appreciation, there was a part of her that didn’t find herself rushing in trying to convey how she felt towards the gesture.

Using it was thanks in itself, right?

She expected the baby to start crying the moment she made it to said crib, but all she got as she rested her hands at the edge of the makeshift bed was complete and utter radio silence. She couldn’t ignore the way her heart jumps to her throat, a rush of anxiety coursing through her like a lightning bolt as the thought of him being dead enters her mind, and when she reaches down into the cradle – only to feel nothing but the blanket she laid out for him – it only forces her worry to skyrocket. Maybe she’s dreaming again, having some sort of nightmare about her boy dying, but she can feel the blanket – the soft fleece against her fingertips, so she knows she’s not asleep.

So, of course, that makes Shauna wonder. Where the fuck is her baby?

There’s that flash of an image that courses through her mind – a reminder of one of the night terrors she had in regards to her baby boy just a couple days ago. How she heard his screams and his cries, only to find him being used as everyone’s form of satiation. She remembers their blood smeared faces and red teeth as they chewed and chewed and chewed–

“Shauna?”

It’s like a bullet shoots through her back the moment she hears the softness of your voice fill the otherwise silent air of the cabin. It’s muffled at first, like she’s stuck in a bubble, but then her brain fully snaps out of the weird stupor she found herself in – the one full of fear and anxiety and distrust – and that’s when she suddenly recognizes the incoherent coo of her baby. You took him, she thinks to herself, and there’s a subtle emotion of anger and discontent towards that fact, but she also knows you – even if you haven’t talked to her nearly as much as the others have. Though even then, she knows that you wouldn’t do any of what her mind previously conjured up through dreams and intrusive thoughts.

That’s all it is. Her mind. Playing tricks on her.

Because you’re kind, you’re careful – gentle – and, even if she didn’t think so when she first woke up, you’re sure as hell one of the only people who’s put in a valiant effort in trying to help her. Both throughout her pregnancy, and even now. Unlike Lottie, who acted like the biological father and insisted that her own child was some sort of incoming prophet, that he was going to change everything. But then you just stuck around, acting as some sort of safety net for her when she needed someone or something to fall back on. Because after losing Jackie, everything felt broken, like a train had gone off the rails and there was no way of pushing it back on track.

But then you wiggled your way in, through soft words and empathetic or sympathetic glances, and she found herself letting you step through the tiny door of her heart. Because even though the thought of anyone seeing her as weak or incapable of taking care of herself made her want to recoil and die, she couldn’t deny that she needed it, and she couldn’t deny that she wanted you of all people to help her. And maybe that didn’t entirely sit well in her stomach for a good while – or even now, for that matter. That feeling of distrust towards everyone weighed her down, but you were insistent – in a good way, and so she found herself slowly getting over her own fear for the sake of eventually letting you in.

So she should have known you had taken him.

She forgot.

She could only blame that on her fatigue.

By the time Shauna turned around to look at you, the baby emitted a quiet coo, as his tiny hands reached up and grabbed at your fingers that you blindly wiggled down at him with your free limb. You were cradling him with your left arm, his head propped up by your bicep as he kicked his feet in the form of a stretch, but you were far more focused on the brunette before you, who looked completely distracted. It was hard to see her, but with the moon having peeked out from behind the trees it was once hiding behind, there was a slight glow on her face, which allowed you to take in the way she stood frozen in her stance and just… stared at you and her kid.

The little baby in your arms was none the wiser, clearly in his element and content with using your fingers as his own personal form of entertainment. It helped you focus entirely on Shauna, though, when you tilted your head to the side slightly and spoke up, letting your voice break through the long-standing silence that almost suffocated the air. “You okay?” It was a simple question, but it held meaning, an intention, with the way your tone portrayed a genuineness to it. You were curious – maybe concerned, she wasn’t sure, but when you stepped forward slightly, trying to act as a form of comfort, it helped her confirm the fact that you weren’t putting on a facade, just to make her feel like she mattered.

You actually do think she matters.

She realized that, even with how slow her mind was being.

“I was looking for him,” Shauna managed to utter. The response was sudden, and it almost made you flinch with how she didn’t really try to whisper amongst the two of you. But you weren’t offended, or mad for that matter. Just surprised, if not a little endeared by her lack of thoughtfulness. Because you know she’s tired, and you know that if she was wide awake, she probably would have actually put in an effort in keeping her voice down for the sake of not waking anyone up, or rousing the boy in your arms into a state of panic. But luckily, he’s clueless, stuck in his own little world that consisted of him holding your fingers like they were joysticks to an atari.

“He’s right here,” you quietly assured, after a moment, as you settled your palm against his tiny belly and allowed him to lift your fingers up and down. He was so small, only about a week old, but for such a young little guy, he had been pretty responsive. “I noticed that you haven’t been getting any sleep ever since he came into the world,” you added on, shrugging your shoulders subtly, while Shauna shifted her eyes away from your own to stare down at the baby boy, who struggled to stay awake, as you bounced him slightly in your arms. His eyelids fluttered, and his stubby legs stretched out to hang off either side of your forearm, while you let out the softest huff you could muster, and continued. “I couldn’t sleep tonight, so I wanted to help.”

Shauna hears your words, and she quickly takes them to heart, which causes her brow to furrow in thought, before she lifts her brown eyes away from her son to look up at you instead. “You didn’t have to do that,” she told you, as though she were almost scolding you. But you could only shrug her off with a shake of your head, knowing that she was just saying that to make herself seem stronger. Which – she was strong – but she also didn’t have to be.

Not for this, at least.

“I wanted to,” you quietly mumbled, as you stepped closer to her and sent her a small smile through the darkness of the room. You weren’t even sure if she could see the expression on your face, but you didn’t seem to find it in you to care, when you maneuvered past her and lowered the already sleeping child back into the crib. It forced Shauna to turn her body and watch you, and as you cradled his head and guided it to rest on the little bump underneath the blanket you were laying him onto, it caused her stomach to unintentionally flutter.

She wasn’t surprised that you were so delicate with the boy. Still, it managed to push her into a state of awe, as you slipped your hands out from underneath his body and stood back up to your full height. Through the darkness, she could see the way you stared down at him, admiring the way he peacefully spread out across the blanket, like a little starfish. And his fingers curling into fists were enough to convey to you that he had fully fallen asleep. It meant that your work in helping Shauna rest was done, and as you nodded to yourself and stepped back from the crib to silently make your leave, the brunette ended up reaching out and grabbing a hold of your wrist.

It was surprising to her that you were thinking of leaving without saying anything, but after spending so many months with you in the wilderness, she guessed that she couldn’t be shocked. You’ve always been quiet, always kept to yourself and spoke to others only when they would speak to you. But that was a while back. Now you seemed a little more outgoing, but there was still a subtle shyness to you. Especially with the way you tensed slightly at her touch, and slowly turned around to look at her, as though you thought you were in trouble. However, you weren’t, and you seemed to recognize that when her fingers tightened slightly to squeeze your joint.

“Thank you,” Shauna stated, “really.”

You replied back with a simple nod and a sheepish smile. And that was when she let go of your wrist and allowed you to take a few steps towards the door and exit the room. And even then, you were as quiet as a mouse and mindful of the resting boy in the crib, and she couldn’t help but feel a certain type of way about you in turn.

It was a good feeling, though.

—————————————————————————

It was the crackling of the fireplace that acted as a form of ambiance to your mind, as you reclined along the window-side seat and stared out through the pane of glass. Your legs remained stretched out in front of you, socked feet moving mindlessly back and forth, while the incoherent murmurs of your teammates sounded off throughout the rest of the cabin, accompanying the resonation of wood crackling under intense heat. Snow fell from outside, coating the ground in even more of the white powder that had been nothing but unforgiving for the past two months, and you couldn’t help but wish for spring to come soon because of it.

There was a feeling that settled inside of your chest – intuition – that told you it was going to eventually melt away. Considering how often the sun had come out as of recent, it made sense. But for now, it was still cold, and you were more than happy to stay inside and admire the outer world from the comfort of the building you’ve been living in. Especially after spending the majority of the day doing chores, chopping wood that you took from the meat shed or shoveling the porch with the intention of keeping you and everyone else from being snowed in. Again.

Your cheeks felt frozen by the time you stepped back inside of the cabin, but at least the fireplace was roaring with life, and at least Misty was there to give you a hot cup of water. She always made sure to do her part, and whether it was by helping or speaking up to give some sort of logical statement towards a certain idea or discussion, you appreciated her… quirks and all. And, sure, you would have definitely preferred hot chocolate or tea when she did gift you the treat, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, and so you found yourself feeling thankful either way.

“My god, can you just stop squirming, please?”

Mari’s voice managed to break out amongst the rest of the softer sounds that echoed throughout the cabin, and just from the frustration in her voice, you could tell that she was the one who had been tasked with taking care of the baby. Even after months of him being alive, Shauna still hadn’t named him, and a part of you was convinced she never would, with how her features always shifted into an expression of melancholy and deep, intense thought whenever she scrutinized the face of her child. You could understand that she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that she was a mom, and although you kept a respectful distance – not wanting to push anything or cross a boundary, you did want to help.

You had, in ways that consisted of making sure he didn’t keep her up at night with his crying. You were more than willing to deprive yourself of sleep for the sake of Shauna having her beauty rest, and it wasn’t like the little dude disliked you or anything. He always seemed happy to be in your arms when you paid him a late night visit and moved out of the brunette’s room to go and sit by the window bench. That spot always gave you front row seats to the moon and the way it shined through to act as his personal nightlight, and you cherished the moment, all while you slowly rocked him back to sleep with his head against your chest. But that was really the extent of your aid, other than feeding him or keeping an eye on him when no one else could.

But you did find yourself curious as to what Mari was doing. Especially with the way she huffed and puffed about the baby boy and his desire to wiggle like that of a worm. The thought of him giving her a hard time made you sneakily smirk to yourself as you swung your legs off the bench, and the moment you turned your body to look towards the kitchen, you stood up to your full height, all while your eyes caught sight of the girl trying to put a – poorly made – knitted hat on his head. You weren’t sure who made it, but it certainly didn’t look like something someone would wear. And if they did… they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to make it look good.

Even if it was on someone as cute as Shauna’s son.

He was sitting on the table, and with the way he let out a little whine and grumpily swung his arms up and down, you could tell that he didn't want the hat on his head. But Mari was incessant, muttering something about how it’ll keep him warm, and you could only roll your eyes, as you walked towards the kitchen and scrutinized the scene with an intention of saving the little boy from the girl’s control. Which seemed to go as well as it could, when she eventually lifted her focus away from him and looked at you instead, noticing your presence the moment the floor creaked beneath your feet. It didn’t take her long to let out a huff, before she picked up the baby by his waist and held him out to you as though he was some sort of toy.

“Here, take him,” Mari grumbled, “I can’t deal with it anymore.” Her patience was practically nonexistent, which wasn’t something you were ignorant to. You remembered the time where she almost strangled Travis because he wouldn’t stop complaining the first week you and everyone else crash-landed in the middle of the forest, so it wasn’t surprising that she was experiencing it in the current moment. Granted, you couldn’t necessarily blame her, but maybe she wasn’t the best person to rely on when it came to babysitting Shauna’s kid.

So, you were swift in reaching up and pulling the boy into the comfort of your arms, before you settled him onto your hip, and when he immediately rested his head onto your shoulder and tightened his fingers to ball up the fabric of your Wiskayok Yellowjackets hoodie, you felt your heart swell in your chest, discreetly relishing in the way he seemed so comfortable with you. Mari even seemed to don an expression of surprise herself – with a mixture of jealousy – too, when her eyes glanced down to look at the boy, who made a point to direct his attention somewhere else, as though he was holding a grudge against the girl in front of you.

Like mother, like son, you think.

It was kind of an amusing sight, and you found yourself huffing lightheartedly, as you cradled his butt with your limbs and spoke up. “I don’t think that hat fits him, by the way.” You gave her a teasing look, only to glance down at the child in your hold for the sake of making sure he was okay. And he was, with the way his eyes were now closed, all while he breathed contently against your collarbone and continued to grip the fabric of your hoodie like a lifeline.

“He was just being difficult,” Mari mumbled, seemingly ignoring your statement and deeming it as incorrect, while she folded her arms over her chest and moved her eyes down to look at the boy, too. “It would’ve fit if he just stopped moving.”

You found yourself humming at her words, but the sound was entirely mindless, “Whatever you say.” It wasn’t long before you turned your head away from her and took a moment to glance around the vicinity of the cramped cabin. There was an intent in the action, and when you didn’t find who you were subconsciously looking for, you allowed your eyes to fall back onto Mari, while you sent her a look of wonder. “Do you know where Shauna is?”

“Why?” Mari uttered, a certain glint of… something you couldn’t entirely decrypt suddenly forming in her brown eyes, but when the corner of her lip curled up into a smirk, it gave you the slightest inkling that she was finding your question comical. “Miss her?” And you came out to be correct, which made you immediately scoff at her question, and it only caused that small smile to break out into a grin on her cheeks, “What? Don’t act like you haven’t been trying to worm your way into her heart,” she said, “you’re almost worse than Lottie. With her whole ‘our baby’ thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to help her out,” you stated, as you bashfully lowered your eyes, pretending to be occupied with the baby in your arms, who continued to rest comfortably within them. “It’s not easy being a single mom, and I don’t think Lottie’s whole ‘your baby is the key to make the wilderness happy’ bit is really helpful, either,” you added on, as heat rose to your cheeks at the distant thought of being perceived as some sort of lap dog for Shauna. And, granted, your valiant effort to defend her definitely didn’t help your case, but you couldn’t help it, considering the fact that Lottie had been a little… off ever since the baby boy was born.

You weren’t unaware of the way she would just stare at you whenever you carried Shauna’s son. It was hard to understand if she was jealous of the sight, or if she had something on her mind and simply didn’t know how to address it. But maybe you were also overthinking it, and honestly, you couldn’t – and didn’t necessarily want to – bring yourself to think about it in the current moment, which caused you to quietly clear your throat, before you stepped back and gently hoisted the boy in your arms up to rest more comfortably on your hip. “Where’s Shauna?” you questioned again.

“I don’t know.” Mari shrugged, “Not here, clearly.”

Always the smartass, you thought to yourself, before you rolled your eyes and let out a heavy breath. It wasn’t long before you turned around and walked away from Mari, successfully deeming her as the most unhelpful person in the group, and you ultimately decided to search for Shauna on your own. The only place you could think she would be was the single bedroom within the cabin, and so you found yourself padding in that direction unconsciously, which caused the boy in your arms to tighten his grip on your hoodie, due to your movement. You weren’t even sure if she was going to be in there, but it was the only idea you had when it came to where she might have been, and so you went with the idea, secretly hoping you’d come out to be right.

The murmurs of the rest of the group ended up disappearing by the time you eventually turned the corner and made it to the door, and when you noticed it slightly ajar, you didn't think anything of it, as you pressed on and pushed it open. It creaked, signifying its age, and you winced, as you glanced down at the baby in your arms, hoping that the high-pitch resonation didn’t stir him from his slumber. You were thankful, though, when all you received in return was a tiny grunt from him that portrayed his unconscious state, and it quelled the worry of possibly waking him up. His features were still relaxed, stuck deep in dreamland while he slightly drooled on your hoodie, and with a small smile at the sight, you lifted your head up to look forward.

You immediately froze in your place when your eyes fell onto Shauna.

The last thing you expected to see was her back, which was covered in nothing but the strap of her charcoal-colored bra and showing off her pallid skin-tone that was complimented by the few freckles that adorned it. They scattered across the expanse of her flesh like stars in the sky, and your pupils naturally flickered back and forth to admire each one. It felt like you had been punched in the gut, with the way your breath silently hitched in your throat, and a weight of something you couldn’t describe settled within your stomach. It wasn’t a negative feeling by any means, but you couldn’t deny the way you felt like some sort of pervert for having waltzed in without so much as knocking.

You found yourself regretting your actions, though there was no way for you to rewind time or pretend like you had never stepped into the room to begin with. Especially when Shauna seemingly sensed your presence, as though she had some sort of sixth sense, and slowly turned her head to glance over her shoulder, peering at you with a form of curiosity in her brown eyes. You stood there, all the while, probably looking like an idiot, with the way you stared at her with a wide gaze and held her child in your arms stiffly. But you couldn’t find it in you to consciously assess how odd you might have come across. All you could do was stutter out some sort of apology, as you parted your lips and felt your stomach leap to your throat. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to just – uh…”

Your voice trailed, and there was a certain air to Shauna’s demeanor that kept you from continuing, when you saw the ghost of an endeared smile fall onto her lips, before she turned back around and reached down to grab an old black band t-shirt that was tattered and had clearly seen better days. You remained idle in your spot, standing in front of the door as though you were a deer stuck in a pair of headlights, and as you dumbly watched the brunette pull the top over her head and allow it to fall down to cover her torso, there was a subtle feeling of disappointment that filled your chest.

But you attempted to ignore it, while you swallowed and waited for her to reply.

“Knocking exists, you know,” she uttered quietly, as she slowly turned around to completely face you, and lowered herself to sit down on the bed she had originally grabbed her shirt from. There was a subtle tone of lightheartedness in her voice, but you still felt embarrassment fill your body, as she gave you a tired, teasing look with her brown eyes and tilted her head to the side slightly. She clearly wasn’t offended by your intrusion, much to your own surprise, and that was when you found the ability to move your legs again, when you took a short step forward and bowed your head apologetically.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, “I should’ve…”

Shauna shook her head and shrugged, “It’s fine.”

You decided to keep your lips tightly wound after her response, pressing them together tightly, and you treaded carefully as you sluggishly walked further into the room. Your legs kicked out slightly as you moved, and your eyes flickered around to take in the vicinity that you had found yourself in far more than you probably should have. Ever the conversationalists, neither one of you knew what to say next. Should you have said, ‘hey, here’s your baby,’ as though you were some pizza delivery person? That probably wouldn’t have been a good idea, considering he wasn’t food. But you didn’t know what else to do, except sit down beside her and silently hand her the child…

But even then, that didn’t feel right.

“Is he sleeping?”

Shauna’s question broke through your muddled thoughts, and you found yourself immediately letting out a quiet breath of relief in turn, which was something you hoped she didn’t hear. When your eyes moved away from a random wall inside the room to meet her brown ones again, it didn’t seem like she picked up on the sound you made, when she simply stared at you with a certain type of earnestness that left you feeling warm inside. Her unwavering gaze after she inquired was enough to create a ball inside of your throat, and you found yourself trying to force it down with a swallow, as you slowly looked back down at the boy in your arms and nodded.

“Yeah,” you affirmed, “he is.” Your verbal confirmation was the last thing you said, before you eventually made it close to her bed and sat down beside her. The mattress barely dipped with how firm and old it was, but you could still see the way she faintly jostled from the added weight, out of the corner of your eye. You found yourself focusing entirely on her son, though, when you gently maneuvered him in your arms and cradled him like he was a week old again. He was still light, easy to hold without feeling as though your limbs were about to fall off, but his hair had grown in, and it was blond.

A dirty blond.

His eyes were brown, though, and his nose looked like it was going to develop into a shape like Shauna’s, the older he got. That cute, slightly imperfect bridge that you always admired whenever you caught sight of the brunette’s side profile. His round face and little lips looked just like hers as well, and you found yourself fascinated and almost amused at how he barely looked like Jeff. Even with the blond hair that hadn’t fully grown in yet and made the little boy look like an old man who was balding. It was surreal, in a way. How the girl beside you had managed to create such a beautiful soul through an ongoing situation that left all of you feeling hopeless and dreadful.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the words of Shauna again that tugged you out of your daydream. You found yourself blinking a few times, and when you slowly pulled your eyes away from her son to gaze at her, she was already staring at you, looking into your irises with her brown ones that the baby in your arms carried, too. You had to stop yourself from admiring other parts of her face for the sake of conveying to her that you were listening, and when you mindlessly creased your brow in confusion towards her apology, she took that as her chance to continue, as she scooted closer to you and flickered her focus down towards the child you were holding.

“I haven’t really been present,” she explained, clarifying herself, with a tone that conveyed shame, “for him.” You glanced down at her mouth for a split second, taking in the way that they were chapped and had dried-up blood on them, which you realized must have been from her anxiously nipping at her lips. Not only that, but it was also the winter, so you weren’t surprised, but even with the sight that didn’t necessarily look pleasant, you still found your stomach fluttering, before you shifted your attention back up to meet her gaze once again.

You inevitably shook your head, finding your voice, “It’s okay,” you whispered, “I know things have been… hard, for you.” It was difficult to know what to say to help her feel better, but you put in a valiant effort to tread lightly, which seemed to work in your favor, when she slowly deflated and decided to lean closer to you and lower her head against your shoulder. The heavy sigh she let out shortly after was enough to convey that she’d been needing some form of comfort, and although you tensed slightly, you let her have it, as you continued and glanced down at the baby in your arms. “It’s not easy having a kid and then being expected to take care of it after everything that’s happened.”

“I did it to myself,” Shauna mumbled, as she pressed her thigh against yours and mindlessly plucked at the fabric of her t-shirt, “I shouldn’t have meddled with my best friend's love life.” Even with being trapped in the wilderness, there was still a certain air of intelligence in the way she spoke, and you couldn’t help the way the corner of your lip curled up, as you slowly nodded your head in response to her statement. “Now I’m paying for it.” Her tone was dry, ultimately, and you weren't sure if it was because of the fact that she didn’t have it in her to be sad about what happened, or if she was simply angry at herself now, for what she did.

“At least he doesn’t look like Jeff,” you replied quietly, trying to lighten the mood in your own way, which caused Shauna to scoff dryly, as she pressed her cheek deeper into your shoulder and stared down at the sleeping boy in your arms. “Clearly your genes are stronger.”

The conversation lulled slightly, but you weren’t surprised, when Shauna silently reached her hand out and wiped her thumb over the corner of her baby’s mouth. Dried spit, you realized, was what she was trying to make disappear, and it reminded you of the little stain you had on your hoodie from his drool, which created an emotion of amusement that fluttered through your chest as you watched her gently tend to her kid. It wasn’t a common occurrence. It was like she was scared to touch him, or hold him, or even be in a room alone with him. But at the same time, she was equally protective. She had mixed feelings, obviously, and you had a feeling as to why that was.

And you didn’t want to bring it up.

But it was nice to see her attentiveness, even if it was something that was short-lived, when she inevitably pulled her hand back from his face, and let it fall onto her lap. “I haven’t even named him,” she suddenly stated, and when you turned your head slightly to look down at her, she pulled her cheek away from your shoulder and sat back up to stare down at the floor between her legs. “I don’t even know how to be a mom,” she added on, and you frowned faintly, before you slowly stood up to your full height and ambled over to the boys’ crib, letting her words drift off into the air, while you settled him against the makeshift bed you and Van created for him, and tucked him under a shirt that acted as a blanket for his small body.

“No one does at first,” you eventually replied, pulling your hands away from him, before you stepped back from the crib and turned around to look at Shauna, who bounced her knee up and down anxiously, not meeting your gaze. “No one gives you a rule book on how to be a parent, Shauna,” you reminded her, “it’s not easy… but that’s why we’re here–”

“You.”

Shauna’s mumble cut you off, and you paused to scrutinize her, “What?”

“You’re here,” she said, as she slowly lifted her head up to meet your eyes, “not them.” Your features faintly flinched in surprise, and when you shifted in your stance and shoved your hands into the pockets of your pajama pants that were just as tattered as all your other clothes, she continued. “You’ve been the only one who’s, like… actually helped me ever since I had him,” she explained, “I mean, other than Van, who helped make the crib with you, you’ve been here to take care of him, while I’ve just…” her voice trailed off, and she shrugged her shoulders, clearly at a loss for what else to say.

“You’ve got other stuff to deal with,” you uttered, trying to defend her from herself.

But Shauna shook her head, while you slowly trailed back towards the bed and watched her intently. “Like wallowing and resenting my own child who hasn’t done anything to deserve it?” You let out a deep breath when you turned around and lowered yourself to sit down beside her, and as your brow creased into a look of thought, she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. “I’ve been the worst mom – you’re more of a parent than I am–”

“Shauna, stop,” you stated, shaking your head, before you looked at her and watched the way she pulled her face out of her hands and sighed shakily, “you’re not a bad mom,” you told her, “I mean… it’s normal to feel like shit after giving birth,” you added on, with the intention of making her feel less guilty, “postpartum depression is a thing, and you’re probably dealing with that on top of… y’know.” Shauna’s brow furrowed at your words, and when she shifted her brown eyes to meet yours, you could tell she was confused by how you knew that, which caused you to quickly clarify, as you shrugged. “I paid attention in health class.”

“Of course you did,” Shauna laughed out, her voice thick with emotion, as she shook her head and smiled sadly at your words. You chuckled quietly in response to her reaction, feeling a sense of pride swell in your chest towards the fact that you made her giggle, but when she sniffled and glanced down to stare at a certain spot on your face, you felt your heart leap to your throat. “How come we never really talked… before all of this?” she questioned suddenly, as her pupils fluttered back up to meet your gaze, not allowing you the chance to truly dwell on the subtle action, “We were on the same team, yet we barely ever spoke to each other.”

“Was kinda intimidated by you, actually,” you mumbled sheepishly, which caused her to give you an expression of disbelief, clearly unable to understand what might have been so scary about her. And it caused you to shrug your shoulders, as you shyly turned your head away and stared down at your lap, suddenly feeling small. Like you were exposed entirely. “I don’t know… I always wanted to talk to you, but I just… couldn’t?” You pursed your lips and pressed your palms together, and when you intertwined your fingers, you felt your cheeks heat up as you breathed in deeply and confessed through an exhale, “Guess I was just too scared to talk to a girl that I thought was pretty.”

At your words, Shauna could only stare at you, her brown eyes focusing on the defined features of your side profile and the way you clenched your jaw tightly out of nervousness, as you stared contemplatively at the floor. Your nostrils flared with a breath, and her heart thudded against her ribcage once that only signified the way your words made her feel. It was a random beat at first, but then it happened again, and again, and again. It cemented her feelings – the way you had secretly made her feel over the span of two months hitting her like an unforgiving truck, and it caused her to swallow thickly, as she broke her focus away from your face and gazed down at your hands instead.

She wasn’t sure what to say, and it was obvious that the silence that ensued wasn’t one that made either one of you feel comfortable. You shifted awkwardly in your spot, your face feeling flush, while Shauna lost herself in her own mind and continued to stare down at your interwoven fingers. It felt as though you were sixteen again, dealing with your first crush and experiencing mental gymnastics when it came to how you were going to confess that you liked the person you had eyes for. And granted, you were older now, but after spending… however many months in the wilderness, it felt like your social skills had vanished, and you were left ignorant again.

As well as a fool that had no grasp on how to say, ‘I like you’ to a cute girl.

It felt like hours had passed – when in actuality it was a minute, before you eventually cleared your throat awkwardly and lifted your chin to allow your eyes to shift away from the floor and towards Shauna’s instead. Your lips parted, as if to try and say something – or to defend yourself for what you had already stated – but nothing came out. And while the brunette seemed to find herself frozen in the way she continued to gaze down at your tense hands, you studied her expression, noticing how her features were taut with contemplation and something deeper, but indecipherable.

“I’m sorry.”

You suddenly apologized, without thinking, and when your voice – soft throughout the air – broke through the clouded thoughts of Shauna’s mind, that was when she blinked and jolted back into reality. Her brown eyes snapped up to your face, feeling them sting with unshed tears, and your brow furrowed to express your genuine guilt for making her feel uncomfortable. But she wasn’t uncomfortable. She was just… shocked. And confused. Because she had always been used to being second best, or stuck in the shadow of someone who was deemed as far more important than she ever could be. But even when Jackie was alive and she was actively experiencing the woes of being ‘the sidekick’ and ‘just the best friend,’ you still noticed her.

Still saw her as Shauna Shipman.

Not Jackie’s best friend.

And it made her angry that you waited so fucking long to say something.

To give her any sort of idea that you liked her.

Maybe it was the postpartum hormones that made Shauna swell with a mixture of frustration and sadness, or maybe it was just her, and it had nothing to do with the after effects of her giving birth. Either way, you saw a tear slip from the corner of her brown eye, and she could feel the salty droplet and the way it streaked down her cheek in an almost poetically depressing way. It only caused your breath to hitch in your throat, the guilt in your chest increasing drastically, and when you tried to reach your hand up to wipe away the stain, she grabbed your wrist, halting your movement, just as your fingers grazed over the skin of her face.

“Shit, I’m sorry–”

Ever the apologist, Shauna cut you off before you could complete your sentence, when she pushed your wrist down to pin it against your lap and suddenly leaned forward to press her lips against your own. The action was done with a swiftness that left your mind reeling and your body tensing as your body leaned back slightly, but when she unconsciously squeezed your joint that she held onto like a lifeline, you snapped out of your shock. The roughness of her mouth – chapped and dry – against your own, wasn’t unwanted. Especially not when you had been wanting to kiss her for the past year and a half. So it only made sense to relax into it, when you breathed out through your nose and allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

You promptly followed her lead, creating a game that consisted of her pushing and you pulling, as your lips parted to slot together like a perfect puzzle piece. Her grip tightened on your joint all the more, and although her fingernails lightly dug into your skin, it wasn’t enough to get you to move away from her. If anything, it urged you closer to her, when you reached up with your free hand and cupped her cheek. Your mouths moved together, quiet sounds of them smacking together intermixing with the soft breaths that the two of you let out, and before you could even realize what was happening, you were being pushed back against the firm mattress, which allowed her to pin your wrist she grasped above your head, while your other palm fell away from her face to rest against your stomach.

Shauna pulled her lips away from you in that same moment, and when you let out a quiet pant and fluttered your eyes open, she was already looking down at you with a certain emotion in her brown irises. You weren’t sure what it meant, but with how hazy your mind felt, and with how quick your heart thumped inside of your chest, you couldn’t bring yourself to grow concerned. Especially not with the way she loomed over you, and allowed her fingers to finally loosen around your wrist. Your focus shifted in turn, to watch her as she slid them up and over your palm, before they curled between your own and eventually intertwined in a way that felt like a perfect fit.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” you mumbled, after a moment, as your eyes shifted back to meet the brunette’s. But Shauna could only shake her head dismissively, not wanting to talk about feelings, before she leaned down and pressed her lips against yours once again.

You immediately reciprocated that time, no longer hesitant to succumb to the concept of loving her, and when you happily hummed against her mouth, she felt her stomach flip, as a weight of tension slipped off of her shoulders.

Just like water.

—————————————————————————

There was something oddly therapeutic about the sounds of a baby giggling. The belly laughs that were infectious and left anyone who heard them grinning from ear to ear like an idiot. That may or may not have been you in the current moment, as you watched as Shauna blew raspberries into her boys’ belly from where he laid on her bed. His arms and legs swung back and forth to signify just how ticklish her actions had made him, and you felt your heart swell with affection towards the two, while you watched her pull herself up to look down at him with an expression on her face that conveyed nothing but admiration and love towards the child.

She named him Jackson.

Because although she had her own personal qualms about Jackie, the thought of forgetting her like a distant memory wasn’t something Shauna could ever fathom, and you couldn’t blame her for it. You remembered having the conversation with her, shortly after you and her started dating, and you were all for it, because you knew how much she loved her best friend, even if the last time they spoke didn’t end on the best terms. She saw it as a form of an apology, in her own way. And although you didn’t fully understand – not nearly as well as she did – you went along with it, because it was her choice in the end, and there was no way in hell you were going to control what she did.

Besides, Jackson was a cute name.

It fit him.

You snapped back into reality when a little fist smacked against your cheek, and you were quick to jolt back slightly, as you blinked and looked down at Jackson, who clearly wasn’t aware of what he had just done. He was far too focused on Shauna tickling his sides teasingly, and when he let out a high-pitch squeal as she picked him up, you chuckled softly, before your eyes flickered up to look at your girlfriend, who seemed a lot happier than two months ago, when you shared your first kiss with her. There was a certain glow to her. One that radiated from under all the dirt and grime that seemed to stain her face, even after washing it with water at the lake just an hour ago, and it made you happy in turn.

She would never fully heal, you knew that. None of you would, realistically… once you all got out of this mess. But at least she was searching for the good in things now, trying to actively find optimism, rather than the pessimism she had been so used to embodying. And you were well aware that she would always be Shauna. The girl who didn’t get as excited over the things that you or other people would. Or the girl who found far more enjoyment in staying in and reading a book, rather than going out and mingling with people at a party she didn’t truly want to attend. Hell, even now, stuck in the wilderness, she acted like a ghost who occasionally payed the rest of the cabin a visit.

But it wasn’t a bad thing.

It would never be a bad thing.

“Hey. Earth to Y/n?”

You blinked back into reality the moment Shauna’s voice broke through the fog of your mind, and you quickly realized that your eyes had fallen back down without you knowing, which ended in you intensely staring at the spot Jackson had once been laying. All that sat there now was a vacant spot, and it left the brunette feeling slightly worried. Especially with the way your gaze sat unwavering, simply focused down at the sheets, as though they were the most interesting thing in the world to you. It was obvious enough to you that she had put her son down to rest for the remainder of the day, and as you let out a quiet exhale through your nose and flickered your eyes up to meet your girlfriend’s, you rolled over onto your back and raised your brow in silent questioning.

“Hm?” You attempted to play off your daydream with a lackadaisical demeanor, but when Shauna scrunched her features up in both perplexity and concern, you knew you had failed miserably. Her brown eyes practically bored into yours, and you couldn’t bring yourself to avert your gaze, as you watched her move and sit back down on the mattress, before she clasped her hands together, so that they could rest comfortably in her lap, and gave you a certain look.

“What do you mean, ‘hm’?” she teased lightly with a smirk, as she shook her head in amusement towards your poor ability to play off your bout of distraction. She crossed her legs over the other in that same moment, and when you shrugged your shoulders and sluggishly pushed yourself up into a sitting position, she tilted her head to the side and sent you an expression that conveyed nothing but genuine curiosity. “What were you doing?” she asked, while you stared at her silently, like someone who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

“Just thinkin’,” you admitted, giving her another shrug, as the corners of your lips quirked up faintly. Shauna only rolled her eyes at your simple statement, and when you let out a quiet huff in response, she used your reaction as proof that you were okay.

Though, even then, your vague explanation gave her the excuse to scoot closer to you, and you found yourself mindlessly leaning into her, as she reached her hand up to cup your cheek. “About what?” She gently rubbed the pad of her calloused thumb over the skin that sat underneath your eye, the touch almost featherlight in the way it felt against you. And you pressed into the feeling, almost melting against the warmth of her palm that cradled the side of your face, which caused her to smile softly in turn, finding satisfaction in how comfortable you were to her affection.

“You,” you eventually replied, before you raised a hand up and curled your fingers around her wrist, “and Jackson.” You gently held the joint in your grasp and turned your head slightly to press your lips against the heel of her palm, “Thinking about how so much has changed. In a good way.” You tugged it away from your face to bring that part of her body down into your lap, and she felt her heart warm, the moment you moved your thumb across the lines that decorated her limb. “I’m happy that you’re both here�� that I’m with the two of you,” you mumbled, your voice coming out as a quiet whisper, as you lowered your chin to gaze down at what you were doing.

Your introspective thoughts about Shauna and Jackson weren’t uncommon, and she knew that, considering the fact that you often found yourself daydreaming when it came to her and her son. How you would stare, and stare, and stare, until she’d eventually notice and snap you out of it with a question. Hell, sometimes your mind buzzed so much to the point where you would wake up in the middle of the night and head outside to sit on the porch. And then you would just… think, about her, or Jackson, or about your teammates that also resided in the cabin. And it was all while you listened to the randomly occurring sounds of owls hooting, or birds flapping their wings and rustling the leaves that they hid within.

“You always have a habit of becoming sappy after we put Jackson to bed,” Shauna uttered suddenly, as she glanced down at your fingers, and watched the way they continued to trace over the lines of her palm. “You know that, right?” You simply shrugged your shoulders, feeling the corner of your lip curve up into a soft, innocent smirk that was entirely mindless, and it caused a quiet huff of endearment to slip from the brunette, before she scooted closer to you – her knee pressing against your thigh – and used her free hand to pinch your chin with her index and thumb, as she slowly tugged your focus up to meet her own once again.

“I can’t help it,” you replied softly, the moment you met her gaze, smiling a little brighter. The brunette flickered her brown eyes between your own, clearly stuck in a bout of admiration towards the way the color of your irises fit the different contours and features of your face perfectly, and your only form of defense consisted of you shrugging – again – as you pressed your lips together tightly. “It’s not my fault you’re you and he’s him.” It was clear she didn’t know what you meant by those words, with the way her brow faintly creased in reaction to your statement, but she couldn’t bring herself to question you.

She found your form of affection too endearing to try and deconstruct it.

With Shauna still pinching the bottom of your chin, you remained frozen in your spot, staring at her intently and with a certain glint of softness shining in your eyes. “You’re a dork,” she found herself pointing out, and you immediately brightened in reply, when she let out a loving chuckle and tugged you forward slightly, just so she could press her mouth to your own. Her sound of amusement died down the moment the tip of your nose brushed against her own, and when she tipped her head up slightly to graze her lips over your own, her eyelids fluttering, that was when you pushed in and kissed her, making the connection.

There wasn’t a feeling of anxiety or nervousness that filled your chest, as your hand slowly came up to cradle the side of her neck. It wasn’t like the first time you kissed her. Wasn’t a moment full of uncertain movement and uncoordinated positions that left the two of you huffing out embarrassed laughs and flushing with heat. There was intent and fluidity that went into it now, but even if you and her still acted like you had never shared a peck before, you still would have enjoyed the moment either way. But maybe you were also appreciative of the fact that you didn’t feel like you were going to explode anymore, just from feeling her against you.

With the way you were positioned on the bed, it wasn’t difficult for Shauna to shift onto her knees and use one of her hands to press it against your hip bone. Her other limb cradled your face tenderly, her touch possessive but equally gentle, and the moment your back fell against the mattress, and your head was suddenly cradled by the pillow, that was when her lips fell away from you. With a panting breath, your eyes fluttered open and stared up at her to see her own brown irises gazing down at you already, but before you could say anything to her, she was already leaning down – disappearing from your line of vision – to peck the side of your neck.

There was intention in the action, and it made you flush with heat, as she nestled herself between your legs and pressed her palms against your hips to keep herself from falling on top of you. Your eyelids fluttered when you felt the heat of her breath against the skin of your jaw, and as she kissed the line of it, just underneath your ear, your voice broke through the silence, as your head lulled to the side to stare towards the door of the room, which was already closed and providing the two of you with privacy. “What if someone comes in?” you questioned weakly, your voice lacking its usual confidence, as Shauna moved her hand down slightly and slipped her fingers underneath your shirt.

“Everyone’s outside enjoying the sun,” she mumbled against your flesh, while you tensed up and let out a shaky breath as she smoothed her fingers up your stomach. You ultimately moved past the possibility of anyone barging into the room, even if her words didn’t fully convince you, but when her nails lightly tickled your skin, you couldn’t stop the quiet giggle that slipped from your lips, as your hand shot down to grab her forearm.

Shauna let out a huff at your action, and you weren’t sure if it was out of annoyance or amusement. But when she nipped at your earlobe with her teeth and curled her fingers to continue lightly grazing her nails over the skin of your belly, you could tell she was simply trying to spur you on in the way you originally reacted. And it seemed to work in her favor, when you tightened your grip on her forearm and let out a quiet grunt that did nothing but convey your displeasure and sensitivity towards her teasing.

“Shauna,” you groaned quietly, pushing at her limb.

But she didn’t budge, and she only moved her hand to hold your side instead, as she leaned back slightly to gaze down at you, her dilated pupils locking with yours. “What?” she asked, though you knew the question was entirely rhetorical, when you noticed the ghost of a smirk form on her lips, “I’m not doing anything.” Her faux innocence made you roll your eyes, and she chuckled in turn, finding your attitude comical to her, before she hunkered down to kiss the bone of your cheek, as her hand that lingered on your waist suddenly smoothed lower to tease at the waistband of your shorts.

Her movements still managed to make you squirm, the action ticklish to you, though you also couldn’t deny the way it made your heart speed up, while she watched your expression intently. She searched for any sort of visible response from you, as she hooked her fingers over the elastic, and with the way your eyes flitted to meet her brown ones, it was easy to see the way your features shifted into a look of subtle surprise, the moment you felt the featherlight touch of her fingers graze over the band of your underwear.

“I’ll go slow–”

“Guys! Guys!”

At the sudden voice, which erupted throughout the cabin like an annoying alarm, Shauna’s hand jolted out of your pants as though she had been burned with fire, while you sucked in a sharp breath and snapped your focus towards the door. It opened just as your girlfriend leaned back on her heels with an almost frustrated huff slipping from her lips, and while you propped yourself up onto your elbows, you saw the figure of Van peek through the gap they had created.

Their eyes were as wide as saucers, and their expression was the brightest you had ever seen since you all became trapped in the wilderness. It made your brow furrow in turn, while the brunette stared at them with an unimpressed expression on her features, clearly unhappy towards the fact that the moment had been ruined between you and her. “What, Van?”

You snorted quietly at Shauna’s perturbed response, and Van completely ignored it, when they grinned widely and frantically glanced between the two of you with a glint of excitement in their blue eyes. “Nat waved down a fucking helicopter.” Their words were enough to make your face scrunch up in confusion, almost not believing them, and when you pushed yourself up into a sitting position and narrowed your eyes at the goalkeeper, they didn’t even give you the chance to ask what they meant, when they answered the question for you.

“They found us, guys,” Van stated, clarifying themself, “we can finally get out of here.”

This took me way too long to finish.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets #shauna shipman x reader

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shaunamilfman · 6 months ago

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Being the Captain of the Rival Team HC's

pairing: Jackie Taylor x reader

Jackie hadn't really paid you much attention the first time she saw you. She knew of you, of course, having played your team before, but she'd never really seen you individually. That was, of course, till Shauna fouls you ten minutes into the game and she has to come talk to you. It's love at first sight for Jackie as you lie dazed on the ground with a bloody nose.

Jackie trying to trash talk you, but being abysmally bad at it. She's not all that skilled at it to begin with, too nice at heart, but she's somehow impossibly worse. She leaves all of those confrontations wincing as she realizes she just showered you in compliments badly disguised as insults. Shauna's in hysterics about it, which certainly doesn't help her mood about it. Huffing all the way back.

Nearly trips over the ball while warming up because she can't take her eyes off of you. Tai comes marching across the field to yell at her about it and Jackie's just scoffing and glancing around because she can't meet her eyes.

When it comes to the actual game, trust that she will be playing at absolute peak performance. She's competitive enough as it is before you add in a newly realized desire to impress you. Glances over at you to see how you're reacting every time she makes an impressive play during the game.

Jackie visibly deflates any time you're substituted out. It's hard to justify staring at you all game if you're not actually on the field, after all.

Keeps trying to find excuses to linger by your locker room after the game so she can catch you after the game. She walked over with the intention to talk shit, but is too afraid of hurting your feelings after your team loses so badly that she ends up just flirting with you instead.

Stalking your Instagram during halftime and accidentally likes a picture from two years ago. You just vaguely hear an embarrassed “OH MY GOD!” coming vaguely from the Yellowjacket’s locker room.

Jackie studies your play style more intensely than anyone else's, telling herself it's just for strategy, but knowing deep down it's because it's you.

Jackie nearly skipping out of the bus on game day because she knows she gets to see you. Talked Shauna's ear off the whole ride there about how annoying (hot), and irritating (distracting), you are.

You run into each other at a mutual friends party (Jackie crashed it because she asked around till she found one you'd be at) and finally get to have a real conversation.

Jackie keeps subtly trying to see what college you're going to because she keeps daydreaming about playing on the same team together. She's put some serious thought into how the two of you could complement each other's play styles, but she mostly just imagines kissing you after a win.

Shows up at your home games to cheer you on when it doesn't conflict with the Yellowjacket’s own standing. All your teammates are like “isn't that…?” and you just shake your head and turn away. She shows up with a sign with your name on it next time so she can wave it around. World’s biggest fan for your mostly mediocre soccer team.

Finally asking Jackie to hang out sometime and her ass shows up with a soccer ball.

Off the field, she's a lot more playful and confident when she talks to you. There's something about the uniform that just makes her so nervous. Jackie keeps teasing you about whatever member of your team is the worst. She's laughing hysterically talking about how one of them had tripped over the bench and brought half your team to the ground. You finally get annoyed and walk off and she's just chasing behind you like “wait!”

Having to deal with Jackie's irrational jealousy when she so much as sees you breathing in the direction of the opposing team captain whenever you play. Huffing and puffing because you had to say “good game” to the pretty captain you've never met before.

Winning a game against a different team with a patented Jackie Taylor play and she's losing her mind on the bleachers. By the time she finds you after the game, she's practically vibrating with excitement.

Jackie smiles for almost the entirety of a game because she catches you cheering for her in the bleachers after she scores a goal. She insists that it makes her a better player.

She makes such a big deal out of choosing between her team and you when really no one even gives her a hard time about it but Tai. The seasons already ended for your team and Jackie's just out here trying to live out her Romeo and Juliet fantasy.

Jackie insists that you have to kiss her before states or else she's going to lose. It's a good luck charm and not at all an excuse to kiss you, obviously.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #jackie taylor x reader

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bnecaz · 8 months ago

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Girlfriend privileges

Lottie Matthews x F!reader

Summary: After Jackie passes the lead to Lottie for a few weeks, the rest of the team isn't so happy

It felt more like a nightmare to be honest

while the girls were spending the last of their energy every day training all day and arriving at their respective homes only in the early hours of the morning, some getting scolded by their parents but in the end it would pay off, it probably couldn't get any worse

Jackie Taylor was in charge of being the leader this year, but she didn't have the golden patience to be the leader, you and Shauna had a little fight a while ago for a silly reason, and in training you had to train together forcibly, and Jackie didn't know deal with that

" Don't you look where you are, you idiot?" Shauna shouts from the other side of the lawn, attracting the attention of Laura Lee and Natalie who sighs "Fuck you shauna" you retaliate rolling your eyes" Are you too busy looking at your girlfriend or some shit?" "Stop!" Jackie screams when she sees how close you and Shauna are, her screams making no difference

"Maybe you should go and have sex with the boys your best friend looks for you, that way your mouth will be too busy for you to talk shit" you retort "Randy, his name isn't he?" You step back when you see Jackie running to at least try to alleviate the situation that seemed like it couldn't get any worse

Shauna approaches you and for a second it looks like she's going to hit you, then dramatically Jackie jumps in front of you and lands embarrassingly on the ground before Shauna can take it out on you, a loud scream echoing out and making everyone on the lawn look at Jackie, damn it. she looked destroyed there

"You are an idiot Jackie?" natalie screams

and this caused a lot of problems, since the beginning of the year, the team wouldn't stop fighting, every time they got together and it became a law, not to put you or taissa with shauna, or it could turn into a murder, and jackie was the only person who put order there

Jackie's leg seemed to be twisted, it was a real horror, on one side Laura Lee was praying, on the other Misty was trying to touch Jackie's leg and the coach was roughly pushing her away, the rest of the girls looked like statues as they looked at you and Shauna

Jackie made all the girls gather at her hospital bed, receiving sighs and low curses over her, it looked like a wake and no one even knew what they were doing there

And it was worse than some thought, she started giving a speech about you and shauna having to be friends and some shit like that, and started saying that she would probably never walk again that it showed she cared about the team "That doesn't even make sense" Taissa says and is interrupted "Please let me finish"

"I'm going to choose someone to be the leader" "For just a while of course, no one can replace me" Mari closes her eyes and rubs her temples when she sees laura lee raise her hand

"And the chosen person is the most trustworthy here, I would choose Laura Lee but...I think she is too good for that?" Jackie gives Laura Lee a smile when she sees her frown with a disappointed expression

"Lottie"

" You have got to be kidding"

𐂂

"Mari, you're not catching the ball, try again now with Gen"

That was the phrase that Lottie kept repeating over and over for the last 2 hours of training that seemed to turn into 10 hours, the team formation being extremely confused without Jackie, which was to be expected.

"I swear if I hear that word again I'll have wished I was Jackie" Van says, leaning on the goal rail

"We can't go on like this, I know Jackie was too important to lead us, but nationals are coming up" Lottie murmurs breathlessly "I'm going to have to be tough with you guys"

"What the fuck is this lottie?" nat starts to protest running over to lottie and rolling her eyes " You think you're fucking Tommy Shelby?" Natalie says raising an eyebrow

"Who is this" "It doesn't matter"

" The next person who loses the ball will have to walk the length of the pitch 3 times" Lottie says firmly

All the girls sigh but Lottie is unfazed by the curses, insults and even things almost being thrown in her face directly by Van "Are you kidding me?" Taissa snorts and looks at you "Your girlfriend is crazy! We should do some ritual to get Jackie back"

"Nothing to complain about, let's see if Mari doesn't lose the ball now" lottie and mari exchange looks and mari gives an arrogant smile and rolls her eyes, positioning herself while lottie returns to her seat

Training continues and the ball passes from Natalie to Mari, for the first time in the game, and Lottie raises an eyebrow, analyzing

You run to the other side and try to pull the ball from mari, who was already close to your goal, putting strength in your legs that you swear are going to roll over. Now you get closer to mari's legs and are about to turn the ball over when mari gives you One final push and the ball lands in the goal easily, damn it.

The whistle blows and you whimper looking at the girls running to the water fountain, you run to Lottie "I don't want to do this shit" you mumble, shaking your head in denial repeatedly "You are not going" Your eyes widen in genuine surprise and you raise an eyebrow

While the rest of the girls enter, some talking and others panting drinking water, Laura Lee is the first to arrive and sits on the floor "Why isn't she running yet" Shauna's voice resonates "She doesn't need to run" silence

"What!" Mari shouts entering "But would I have to run?" she snorts, crossing her arms "I changed my mind, let's start with who lost the ball for the first time" Lottie says firmly

"If that's so then, she should start. in the last training she let Laura Lee fall" they all nod and look at you "It's been a long time, just accept it, besides, Laura Lee is always in the front getting in the way"

Laura Lee widens her eyes and looks away "No offense" she looks at Laura Lee and raises her thumb; which is ignored

" That was 4 days ago" Taisa argues to Lottie and she just denies it "That doesn't justify it"

"You're only doing this because she's your girlfriend"

"No, she has this privilege because she's my girlfriend, it's different" Lottie says bluntly

"lottie!"

#yellowjackets #lottie yellowjackets #lottie matthews x reader #yellowjacket x reader #yellowjackets fic #lottie mathews #lottie matthews #lottie mathews x reader

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t4tlottie · 1 month ago

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thinking about ghost jackie??? either an AU where the crash still happened but the cabin didn’t burn down, or the cabin is an airbnb in the wilderness where you and your family are staying for christmas and it just happens to be haunted which is why they got such an awesome deal on it.

either way, you find yourself staying in it and getting haunted by this sassy ghost.

she shows herself after you watch a scary movie of course, and since she can switch forms, she shows herself in her half eaten form because poor girl ends up gets cannibalized anyway into this au too. you’re horrified. you don’t even know if what you saw was real, but you hate your brain for conjuring it. you don’t sleep much that night, mainly because you can hear a girl giggle from the spare room and sometimes you can feel your ear throb???

ghost!jackie who shows her normal looking self to you outside where you think she’s just some hiker wandering the forest. getting to know her more and she ALWAYS seems to disappear without a trace when ur parents almost catch u with her. and she’s very blue. and missing an ear which she explained due to a bear fight. idk i’m just imagining some horror movie trope type shit where she tells you her name and you mention her to ur parents and they’re like??? that’s the name of the girl who died here years ago….

seeing her again and mentioning this and she makes fun of you for not being the brightest of the bunch </3 also gets upset that you didn’t research her at all :/

ghost!jackie who plays pranks on you… turning the stove off when ur making something and when you go to check on it, it hasn’t even been cooking for the last 10 mins. ur pissed!!!! appearing in the mirror after u take a shower and scaring the shit out of you…. she apologizes with a ghost kiss on the mirror though so it’s okay ig <3 making noises in the middle of the night because she’s bored and wants to play 😑 she’s been out here alone for a long time okay!!! she wants a little fun 😢

if we’re talking about a ghost!jackie where the crash still happens, she gossips to you about shauna CONSTANTLY! she’s probably asking you what she’s up to nowadays because she hasn’t seen her in a while 😭 talking to her about the rumors of what happened here and she’s glad she died before it all got so much worse…..

another thought is being stranded there too!!!! you learn she’s a ghost and she can’t touch you at all. thinking of dying of hypothermia out there and you only realize it because jackie can finally touch you :( she’s apologizing and comforting you while helping you “cross.”

#jackie taylor thoughts 💭#yellowjackets x reader #jackie taylor x reader #yellowjackets x you #jackie taylor fics #jackie taylor x you

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vevobly · 4 days ago

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u know who god yellowjackets reactions to reader overworking themselves over school, attending despite becoming sick and having to rest at home later cuz of it? 🥺

Yellowjackets And Overworked Sick Reader Headcanons!

A/N: Yandere Nat anon, is that you again? 😭

Jackie Taylor:

Jackie would be concerned and frustrated at the same time — “Why didn’t you just take a break earlier? You’re going to make yourself worse!” She’d show up with soup and magazines at your house, treating the day with you as if it's a mini spa day while she helps you recover.

“You’re not allowed to do anything school related until you’re better” She’d insist you just lay down and rest. Jackie would also brag about how she knew you needed to slow down and how she saw this coming from a mile away — “See? I told you this would happen”

Shauna Shipman:

Shauna would understand your determination to get work done but also scold you gently for the fact you overworked yourself — “You need to take care of yourself. What’s the point of getting everything done if you’re too sick to enjoy it?” She’d probably take over some of your schoolwork and help organize your notes.

While you're resting, of course! “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got this” — She’d just quietly dote on you, making sure you had everything you needed without making a big fuss about it.

Taissa Turner:

Tai is no better, actually. She's the same as Shauna, the difference is that she would be very firm about setting boundaries for your own health — “You’re amazing, but you’re no good to anyone if you burn yourself out” She would tell you.

She’d sit you down with this stern but caring look on her face and make sure you stayed in bed no matter what, getting enough rest for your body. Taissa would help you catch up on schoolwork once you felt better but only after you’d fully rested — “I’ll help you get back on track, but only if you promise to listen to me next time”

Van Palmer:

Van would tease you at first about it — “Look at you, trying to be a hero and doing all the things by yourself. How’s that working out for you now?” But she’d quickly switch to full-on caretaker mode. Bringing you snacks, drinks, and maybe even some stolen VHS tapes to cheer you up.

“You’re not allowed to overdo it like this again, okay? I’m serious, I’ll tie you to the couch if I have to” — She’d check in constantly on you to make sure you were actually resting and not pretending that you were while sneaking in to do some schoolwork behind her back.

Natalie Scatorccio:

Nat would be worried but try to play it cool — “You’re kind of an idiot for pushing yourself that hard, you know?” She would tell you, half-joking. She’d just quietly take care of you in her own way, showing up with your favorite junk food or music to make you feel better.

“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, least of all me, you know?” — She would tell you, her tone softer than usual. If you EVEN tried to work while resting, she would steal your books and notes. Hold them hostage until you agree to just relax.

Lottie Matthews:

Lottie would be deeply concerned and very nurturing — “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard! I could feel it” She would tell you. Lottie kinda has this second sense about you. Whenever something bad happened to you, she'd have this gut feeling about it.

She would bring you herbal teas, blankets, and maybe even a crystal or two. Feeling like they’d help you heal faster somehow — “Your body is telling you to rest, and you need to listen to it” She would say to you softly, brushing a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. She'd be with you for hours, just caring for you.

Laura Lee:

Laura Lee would give you a real scolding about it for days — “You know, god doesn’t want us to neglect our health like this” She would say gently, handing you a glass of water and insisting you lie down. She would read you bible passages about rest and self-care, trying to make you see the importance of those two.

She would also pray for your recovery. And besides that, she would bring a bunch of food that she thinks would help you get better somehow. Fruits, vegetables, soup, and whatever food you name it out there that helps sick people recover faster!

Misty Quigley:

Misty would be over the top with her concern — “Oh no, you’re sick! I told you this would happen” I am not kidding, the girl would bring over a fully stocked first aid kit and monitor your every move like a hyper vigilant nurse or an eagle on high alert for prey.

“You’re not doing anything except getting better. Doctor’s orders!” — Misty would make a huge fuss about taking care of you, probably annoying you a little bit because of it. But you know, her enthusiasm would make it very impossible to be mad at her. I mean, she's just caring for you, isn't she?

PS: I got sick right after finishing this— Gosh forbid the country I live in chooses an appropriate weather for once, it's either a desert here or a storm.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #jackie taylor x reader #jackie taylor x you #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman x you #taissa turner x reader #taissa turner x you #van palmer x reader #van palmer x you #natalie scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio x you #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews x you #laura lee x reader #laura lee x you #misty quigley x reader #misty quigley x you

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howlsofbloodhounds · 8 months ago

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Hnmnn hit with the idea of ST2 Killer allowing himself to be the Bad Sanses’ punching bag if it means completing the mission or dealing with whatever issues is preventing teamwork in the gang. If it means resolving any issues that prevents Nightmare from moving forward with his plans and goals.

Like we can see the comic where Nightmare chokes him unconscious and he doesn’t attempt to even fight back or try to tell him to stop, just keeps trying to tell Nightmare about the idea he had to complete the Boss’ goals. This man has absolutely zero concept of self preservation.

Like the scene in Yellowjackets where Lottie allows Shauna to beat her bloody and unconscious after Shauna’s loses her baby & still believes that the group ate her baby, takes the beating for the rest of the group, because the group needs Shauna to survive and Shauna needs to get it all out before it becomes a problem.

ST2 doesn’t fight back against Nightmare, and I highly doubt he ever fought back against Chara whenever his SOUL was in Stage 2. They are higher in power than him, they’re his masters and they own him, and he believes it to be absolutely pointless to even attempt to try. That may change when in other Stages of course, but when firmly in 2, he doesn’t fight back.

I can easily see him willing to be the gang’s punching bag if it comes down to it simply because it’s purely logical. He’s stronger than most of them, he’s willing to do it, he’s dedicated, he’s endured and done worse to him and others.

And most of them hate him for various reasons anyway, many of which were because of his own behavior.

It’d be cathartic for a lot of them to take their rage, anger, hatred and fear out on the willing one who they all know can take it. And he has their face. A lot of them hate themselves that much.

He’s willing to let them view him as the mirror of their absolute worst traits, to be the voice of what they despise in themselves, if it means they’ll get their shit together and focus on the real threat once it’s done. Taking their hatred of him and using to the group’s advantage.

Of course it all depends on the situation, though. Some of them like believing they’re better than beating on someone who doesn’t fight back, so he provokes a fight, fights back some.

They have silly moral obligations and righteousness preventing them from beating someone who’s already down, but it’s fine—he’ll let them believe they’re simply just making him shut his filthy annoying mouth or defending themselves or protecting someone else’s honor. (*cough* Papyrus *cough*)

It’s all for Nightmare’s goals. Color is absolutely horrified when Killer tells him that story and Killer’s just like “what? Their emotions were an inconvenience. Had to be done.”

Any remnants of trauma from this experience in ST1 and ST3 being pointed out and ST2’s just like, “???” He doesn’t get it. It was the logical choice and it paid off. Bones can heal, and the pain was more like a pleasant tingle.

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mayasaurusss · 3 months ago

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Day sixteen: getting freaky in a haunted house.

Third installment of 'Shauna is a freaky gal'; you can find the previous parts here and here.

It’s been a while since Shauna has met you.

She lies on her bed, looking up at her cieling when her phone chimes on her bedstand. It's a message from you; "Hi! How are you? :)" her eyes lit up as she reads your messages, unlocking the ohone wuickly to answer you. Sh ponders for a moment how to respond without sounding too excited, and settles for a "I am good. How about you?".

Outside the haunted house attraction, you’ve really hit it off. When she’s not too tired after her job, you two chat or if you’re really lucky, hang out with eachother. Which is more like, 'dating', but neither of your is at all ready to admit it.

Her phone chimes again and a pop up message appears, "Going to work today? ;)"

Now, a normal person would have just replied with, "yeah" and thought nothing of it, but not Shauna; no, not 'head over heels' Shauna.

For the whole day she goes on and on about your message, thinking 'what do they meant?' and 'Are they coming again?'. For someone who got shit scared the first time, you sure do come to haunted maze often.

"I shouldn't think too much about it..." she says while fixing her costume to look as good as possible. "Really shouldn't think about it..." she says while applying on her makeup and mask. "Reeeally shouldn't think about it..." she says while waiting for someone -not certanly you- to enter inside the room she has hid in.

And surely, you do come in. It's like you have the uncanny abiity to always know where she'll be, that or either it's the fact that she has hidden in the same exact spot for some nights now. Either way, the cycle repeats. She sneaks behind you, and asks you with a raspy voice, "Are you lost, bunny?". You turn around to face her, putting your hands around her neck, "Hmh, maybe, but you found me now".

She knows she shoudlnt hit it off with you right now, during work hours, but you are just so irresistible. "You shouldn't have come" you can feel her breath from underneath the mask on your skin, "Maybe I should punish you".

"Wouldn't you like that?" you pull her mask off just enough to show her lips, letting them run across the curve of your neck.

She's ravenous, biting and kissing and licking your neck, marking her passage on your skin. You throw yourself at her, breathing loudly at her actions. Something moves in the next room, maybe a person.

"We should...we should go somewhere more private" you whisper on her lips, reaching out to a part of Shauna that is so hungry that it's difficult to restrain.

"N-next room". It's darker here, a purple light dimly coloring the walls. You can make out a couple of furniture and manequins; not the best place to hit it on, but it would have to do.

"Kiss me" you don't have time to finish your sentence that she's already on top of you. The kiss you share is harsh, passionate and leaves bruises on your lips, but it's oh so good.

Shauna tugs at the hem of your sweater, a silent beg for you to take it off. When you do, she takes each precious second to cherish every inch of your skin. She's got her hands full of your thigh when the door opens.

"Oh man, really Shauna? At work?" judging by how they're dressed, they're one of her coworkers. "I- I can explain!" the other one scoffs, "Sure you can, but you can also, you know, wait a few hours?!".

You don't say nothing, afraid that every little thing you may do may make the situation worse. "Are you...are you going to tell on me?" she sounds so remorsefull of what you have done. "N-no? Of course not. Just please, take it somewhere else" they say, rubbing at their forehead before moving to walk outside of the room, "And you, get dressed".

Shauna is feeling very remorseful, and more importantly, turned on. How is she going to be able to work for the next few hours? You see her squirming, trying to put out the fire that is raging between her legs. You smirk and hug her, whispering in her ear, "Maybe, if you're good enough today, you'll earn your prize later".

She scoffs, grinning and placing a finger on your cheek, "Earning? No, I'm gonna take it".

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman x you #halloween writing prompts #autumn writing prompts #fictober

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baked-potatoes-rule · 2 months ago

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What even is a rabbit?

A loud thunder split open the gray sky in two, shaking the entire ground underneath her feet as she felt a single raindrop land on her already tear-stained cheek. It had been threatening to rain all day, the gloomy heavens rumbling and grumbling as if nature was fighting against itself, trying to decide whether to release the flood already. Jackie Taylor had beat it to it. She had finally broken down after Coach Martinez’s pep talk. It had been the final straw of the day. No, the year. She had managed to keep her composure until she found herself outside of his office. Only then had she allowed herself to let a very bitter, single tear slip from her eye that had soon turned into full-blown sobbing and wailing. She spent about thirty minutes hiding in one of the bathroom stalls because, ‘ What would people think if they saw her like this ?’ Crying like a little baby, all covered in snot, her perfect hair now a mess, her pretty hazel eyes all puffy and red. Embarrassing. After regaining some of her composure and making herself presentable again, she finally mustered the courage to leave the stall of shame and head home. Most of her classmates had already left, so she had successfully managed to exit the school without anyone seeing her or asking questions. But of course, something had to fuck up her day some more, naturally.

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself as she gazed up at the roaring sky. No ride, no umbrella, and her life, threatening to fall apart. She quickened her pace, hoping she would get home before the rain got worse. Well, she didn’t. The rain got worse. Much worse. A cloudburst had manifested itself as if to throw one last ‘ Fuck You, Jackie’ , right in her face. She started mentally recalling all the times she had been mean to people to see if her actual karma added up to the amount of bullshit life was serving her in its finest tableware. She kept walking and thinking, asking God to forgive all her sins and make the rain go away, or at least slow it down until she got home. But all she got from God was silence, and Jackie thought that maybe even God himself didn’t love her. Laura Lee and her nonsense.

She was walking as fast as she could now, almost running. She held her varsity jacket above her head, trying to shield herself from the downpour, but to no avail. It was soaked—she was soaked. “Fucking hell!” She groaned grumpily, her feet splashing in the large puddles that had now formed on the ground. She heard the faint sound of a car engine coming from behind, and then she saw the car in question slow down and roll beside her. She didn’t stop. The last thing she wanted to do now was talk to some stranger or be offered a ride by some crazy person, and she ended up getting murdered and thrown in some ditch. Was that a bit of a far-fetched thought? Maybe, but considering how her day had gone so far... Hell, maybe getting murdered wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to her. She stopped and turned to look at the car; its window was now rolled halfway down. Jackie then wished for it. She wished it had been a stranger, offering her a ride home and murdering her halfway there, only to dispose of her body somewhere in the wilderness, for it never to be found. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a stranger. Jackie then knew for sure that not only did God not love her, but he actually hated her guts. “Fucking Laura Lee and her almighty God!”

“Jackie?” Shauna’s voice flew in between the falling rain and made its way to Jackie’s ears, making her flinch. She just stood there, looking at her best friend—no, her ex-best friend—without saying a word. Shauna squinted her eyes and moved closer to the window. “Come on, get in."

Jackie Taylor didn’t fuck around. No thunder, no rain, and no God was going to get in her way of going home, and she did not need Shauna Shipman’s help to do it. She didn’t need Shauna in her life anymore; she didn’t want her in it. So she just turned around and continued walking briskly, determined to make it to her destination, even if she would have to eventually swim to get there. The car appeared next to her again, rolling at the same pace as her walking one, and Shauna’s voice came out of the opened window once more.

“Jackie??? What are you doing?” The rain was falling even harder now, and Jackie barely made out what she was saying, not that she cared what Shauna had to say to her.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going home.” She could walk; she wasn’t made out of sugar. She didn’t need Shauna and her car to shield her from nature’s wrath. She was doing just fine on her own.

"Yeah, I can see that. It’s…” The sound was muffled by the rain, and Jackie couldn’t tell if Shauna said something or not. “Come on… The rain isn’t stopping any time soon."

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be home in no time.” because nature had nothing on Jackie Fucking Taylor.

“Jackie, don't be ridiculous.” Shauna’s voice boomed, but it was almost as if it was just a background sound, the rain falling, being the main protagonist.

“I don’t need your help; I am fine,” Jackie yelled as she kept walking, not bothering to hold her jacket over her head anymore; it had been useless.

The Ford came to a stop, and the driver’s door opened. Shauna climbed out and quickly ran after Jackie, whose feet kept carrying her away toward her final destination: home and away from Shauna. She reached out her hand, grabbing Jackie by the shoulder gently. "Jackie, come on, you can’t be serious right now; there’s no way you’re walking all the way back home.” There was the faintest sound of a plea in her voice. Too late for that.

“Watch me.” She said, pulling away from Shauna’s hand and stomping her feet harder into the ground. But Shauna wasn’t budging. Such was her ex-best friend. Stubborn and just as determined as her, and at the worst fucking moments too. Two large steps to the side, and she was now in front of her, her dark brown eyes facing her own hazel ones.

"Jackie, please stop.” She put her hands on her soaking-wet shoulders as if to stop her from fleeing again. “You’re going to catch a cold. Please let me take you home.” There was something in her gaze; Jackie couldn’t quite tell what. Regret? Shame? Sadness? Or maybe it was just the rain getting into Jackie’s own eyes, and she was just seeing things. She remained quiet as the rain fell upon them, soaking them wet to the bone, slowly but surely. “We don’t even have to talk.” She said and let out a sigh, and Jackie saw; she was sure she did. “Please?”

All Jackie did was nod, and Shauna’s face was washed with relief. They walked back to the Ford that was abandoned on the side of the road and got it. She held onto her jacket tightly as she fidgeted in her seat, water dripping off of her and soaking into the fabric underneath her. Shauna slammed the door shut and let out a loud sigh. She turned to look at her friend. She reached out her hand, gesturing for Jackie to give her her wet jacket. She did. Shauna swung it in the back seat and then wiped off her own face with her hand.

“I think I have a towel somewhere back here; give me a second.” She said, and she turned into her seat, reaching back to grab the backpack where Jackie’s wet jacket was placed next to. She retrieved a small blue towel and returned to her initial position. “Here,” she said, handing Jackie the dry towel.

“Thanks.” She muttered under her breath, and taking the cloth from Shauna’s hand, she proceeded to dry her face and hair off. It wasn’t much, but at least she wouldn’t be dripping wet all the way back home. Shauna fixed the rearview mirror and reached for her seatbelt when she saw Jackie offering her the towel. “Here, uh… If…”

“Uh yeah, thank you.” She accepted the now-not-so-dry towel.

"It's, uh, wet, but..." She didn’t want to be an absolute dick, and sharing was caring, right? Not that she cared about Shauna anymore. It was the humane thing to do, considering she had come out after her in the pouring rain.

“It’s okay.” She spoke softly and used the towel to wipe her face and hair. It smelled like rain and Jackie. She discarded the now very wet towel off to the backseat and put her seat belt on. “Jesus,” she leaned forward and looked outside of the windshield. “Some heavy rain, huh?”

Jackie turned her head toward the passenger side window, facing away from Shauna. “I thought you said we weren’t going to talk."

“Right, yeah. Sorry.” She said, clearing her throat awkwardly and turning the key into the ignition. This was going to be the longest ride of their lives.

They rode in silence, the radio being the only source of sound lingering between them, easing years' worth of tension ever so slightly. She dared to take a few glances at Shauna when she was busy taking a turn or overtaking another car. Her clothes were sticking to her body less than Jackie's, but still, her hair was wet, just as much as hers, and it looked longer. Her hair was longer. Longer than Jackie remembered it to be. Had that much time passed since... No! Jackie wasn’t going to think about it. Not now, not ever. She wasn’t going to do this to herself again, especially not after today. She already had enough on her plate to recall memories from when she and Shauna were friends. Best friends . Hell, if someone had asked Jackie about the nature of their friendship, she wouldn’t know how to begin describing it. She didn’t even know where she ended or where Shauna began. They were…soulmates.

Or at least that's what Jackie thought. Until she found out Shauna had been fucking her boyfriend, Jeff, behind her back. And no, not because Shauna had grown conscious and decided to tell her, no. If it weren’t for Jackie accidentally finding her lost journal during their little camping trip, she would have probably still been lying to her to this day. Pretending to be her best friend, pretending she was there for her while, in truth, she hated her guts. Yes. That is what had broken Jackie completely. Reading about Shauna’s and Jeff’s numerous intimate encounters wasn’t even the worst. It’s what Shauna had written about her in her journal that had completely shattered Jackie’s heart into pieces. All of this time, her best friend, her entire world, and her other half saw her as competition. The pages were filled with Shauna’s resentful feelings towards her. How she constantly dictated what Shauna did, what she wore, how she was her sidekick and followed her like a lost puppy, how Jackie planned ahead of their lives and expected Shauna to just follow along. Soccer, who they’d date, Rutgers, everything! Her best friend hated her, and finding out like this left Jackie devastated. She had considered death less painful than losing her best friend that way. Maybe it had been Coach Martinez’s fault, or the rain, who knows, but Jackie would be damned if she let this eat at her any second longer.

“Why didn’t you just let me be?” She asked, her voice quiet but firm.

A confused Shauna turned to look at her and asked, “What?”

“Out there, why didn’t you just let me go home? Why did you have to go out of your way to give me a ride?” She said, still facing away from Shauna.

“I couldn’t have let you walk home in this weather, Jackie.” She simply stated it as if Jackie had just asked the stupidest question in the world.

“Why not?” Jackie asked, her eyes still glued to the passenger window glass.

Shauna let out a barely audible sigh. “That’s a stupid question."

“Tell me.” She was facing her now, her eyes laser-focused on Shauna’s face.

“Because…you’re my friend.” She paused and cleared her throat. ”Because I care.”

All Jackie did was scoff and look away. No, she didn’t just say that. She decided not to bother any longer; it wasn’t worth it. It was too late now.

“Jackie I…”

“You didn’t care enough not to fuck Jeff behind my back, did you?” Her voice came out nonchalant, and then she laughed. “You didn’t care enough to tell me what you thought of me in my face. No, you had to write it all in your little journal like the coward you are.” Another bitter laugh escaped her as she shook her head.

“Coward? That’s rich coming from you. "Shauna’s voice was low; Jackie could’ve sworn she heard it tremble ever so slightly.

“What’s that?” She challenged her, facing her again.

“Nothing.” Shauna wasn’t going to do this, not now. Probably not ever.

“Right. Okay. Wanna pull over and write about it?” She barked bitterly and looked around, opening the glove compartment. “Where is it? Where’s your precious little book of secrets? Did you fill any more pages?” Jackie’s tone was getting maniacal now, her eyes burning with rage and pain. ”I’m surprised you haven’t filled the damn thing yet, considering how much bile you have to spit for me.” She slammed the glove compartment closed. “God, I really hope fucking Jeff did something for your inferiority complex; you’re fucking pathetic."

Shauna was gripping the steering wheel so hard that her hands turned white up to her wrists. This wasn’t fair. Jackie wasn’t the only one hurting. It wasn’t fair. “Fuck you, Jackie.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Her eyes stung as tears threatened to spill out. She wasn’t going to cry, no. She wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. Yes, what she did to Jackie had been beyond awful, but she was in pain too. More than Jackie could ever imagine-

“Shauna, stop the car!” Jackie yelled, jumping in her seat.

"Jackie, what’s hap-”

“STOP THE CAR NOW.” She now screamed, grabbing Shauna by her shoulder and shaking her.

“Okay, okay, I’m stopping.” Hitting on the brakes, she brought the car to an abrupt stop, and Jackie immediately sprung out. “Jackie? What the hell?” She removed her seatbelt and climbed out of her seat, following Jackie, who was walking back to where they came from.

“I saw something!” There was urgency in her voice, and her big eyes were wide open, frantically searching for something, but Shauna couldn’t tell what.

“What?! What did you see?"

“Something was moving. I didn’t see it very well because of the rain, but..." She distractedly explained as they kept walking, “I think I- THERE!” She pointed towards the side of the road and ran there at full speed.”

“JACKIE WAIT!" Shauna yelled after her and followed behind.

“OH MY GOD! I KNEW IT! I KNEW WHAT I SAW!” Jackie screamed as she kneeled in front of the little dark thing, lying on the little gravelly patch. “SHAUNA LOOK”

Shauna kneeled down and saw it. A bunny. A little bunny rabbit. Was it dead? “Jackie…it’s”

"LOOK, SHAUNA, IT’S MOVING.” Jackie shook her friend and then reached for the little creature.

“Be careful, Jackie!”

“Oh my God, there’s blood. Its leg!” Her tone was anxious and fearful, and it made Shauna’s stomach twist painfully. Jackie reached down and gently picked up the little bunny. It let out a squeal and tried to move, but only managed to jerk its body a bit. "Shauna, look! I think its leg is broken!”

“Come on, let’s get him inside!” She said, throwing an arm around Jackie’s back and pulling her back toward the car. They climbed back in, and Shauna reached for her backpack once again, pulling out a gray t-shirt that had the Yellowjackets logo on it. “Here, wrap him with this; he must be freezing."

And Jackie did. She took the t-shirt Shauna handed her and gently covered the little bunny, now lying in her lap. "Here, little baby, it's going to be okay.” She gently rubbed its head. "Shauna, we need to take it to the vet.” And Jackie needn’t say more because the car was immediately on and Shauna was speeding off to the vet’s.

She was pacing back and forth now, with the towel—the vet was nice enough to hand them one each—draped around her shoulders as she went to check through the window every few seconds. She was worried, and Shauna was worried too.

“What if it doesn’t make it?” She said, nervously biting on her lips, peering through the window at the little creature lying on the steel table. Shauna came up behind her, instinctively placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing tightly.

“He will, Jackie. He is strong. We found him in this pouring rain, and he was still alive.” Jackie turned to look at her, her eyes still filled with worry, but her face now slightly more relaxed.

“Do you really think so?” She asked, glancing back in, where the vet was cleaning what looked like a wound on its leg.

“I really do, Jax. He is going to be okay, I promise.” Jackie’s body shivered slightly, and it wasn’t for the wet clothes sticking to her body. Hearing her best friend, ex-best friend say her nickname did-

“Okay, good news!” The vet came out carrying some papers in one hand and the wet jersey t-shirt in the other. “His leg is broken, and he is still in shock. Other than that, I ran a blood test and checked his vitals. He is a completely healthy boy! He is going to need to be taken care of until his leg heals properly.”

Shauna let out a sigh of relief. “Who is going to-”

“Thank you so much!" Jackie squealed and hugged, unable to contain her excitement. “We’re going to take the best care of him!"

“Ah…” Shauna raised her hand, but it was too late. Jackie had her mind made up. Could Shauna ever deny her? Not for the life of her, she couldn’t.

She gushed like a little kid on the way home. Baby talking to the bunny, gently stroking its little head while it wiggled its ears, now clearly calmer than when they found it. “How did you know?”

“Hmm? What? Know what?” Shauna looked at Jackie, who was smiling at the little creature in her lap.

“That it was a boy.You kept calling it him.”

“Oh, I didn’t. I mean, I guess I had a hunch. He looks a bit like a boy to me."

“Does he?” Jackie furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side, taking a better look at the little fluffy ball. “Hmm. Well,. I think this is going to be great! You’re going to take great care of him!” She said and went back to playing with its ears.

“I-What? Take care? Me?” Shauna stammered, doing a double take at her friend.

“Well, I can’t take him home. Mom… You know how she is. But we can’t leave him either!” She reasoned.

“Jackie I can’t… I don’t know how-”

“Please?” She looked at her with glassy eyes, and Shauna felt her heart melt.Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck. “Pleaseeeeee. Shauna, we can’t leave him. No one is going to take better care of him than us and…”

“Fine.”

“What?” Jackie’s eyes widened.

“I said fine."

“OH MY GOD, YES. YES, YES, YES.” She threw her hand around Shauna, who squealed in surprise.

“Jackie… We’re going to crash if you keep-”

“Sorry!” She said, pulling back, bringing her attention to the bunny. "Okay, little nugget, Shauna’s going to take the best care of you. And I will visit every day, I promise."

Shauna felt a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She would give anything to see her best friend smile like this again. “Jackie I…”

“I’m sorry,” Jackie said, beating her to it. “I uh,”

“No… You, it’s…I’m sorry.” And she was. She was awfully sorry, and she missed her so, so much. So many things were left unsaid between the two; being close to one another had been unbearable after everything that had happened.

Shauna drove Jackie home first. They didn’t talk all the way there; Jackie was too occupied with the bunny, and Shauna was too engulfed in her own thoughts. She had given her the chance. She had given her time to confess. But Shauna didn’t. She didn’t even do that. Years of friendship had turned to dust, and it had been her fault. All of it. She would never forgive herself—that much she knew.

Jackie gave the little bunny a kiss and placed it in the little box the vet had given them, covering it with its blanket and telling it she would be visiting tomorrow. She thanked Shauna again for agreeing to take him with her, bid her goodbye, and went home.

The moment she crossed the threshold of her room, she broke down in tears again. And this time, it lasted way longer than thirty minutes. She cried when she got there; she cried during her shower; she cried before dinner; and she cried some more after. She eventually cried herself to sleep. Her heart ached so badly that she thought she wouldn't be able to live her life without her best friend by her side. And just when she thought she was doing fine, everything came crashing down on her. She could pretend all she wanted; she could lie to people; she could lie to herself. But to God almighty, who she was certain hated her, she couldn’t lie. She was madly in love with Shauna Shipman, and she was so fucking tired of trying to wish the truth away. If only her best friend didn’t hate her... If only she felt a fraction of what she did for her, but Shauna hated her. It said so in her journal, and Jackie’s world was no longer the same and never would be. The thought of saving the little bunny was her lifeline; it soothed her and helped her fall asleep, although her heart burned and ached, the pain spilling all over her exhausted body. When sleep came, the pain subsided, and Jackie Taylor’s mind was put at ease, if only until the sun rose again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The initial set-up had been this: Shauna in her bed, Rabbit in his little box placed next to her desk. After feeding him some lettuce—he ate an entire leaf; the little fella had been hungry—and tucking him inside the little makeshift bed she had made for him, using one of her old flannel shirts, she jumped in the shower, eager to wash the rain and the day’s fatigue away. She spent a good forty minutes there. She let the scorching water run down her body as she scrubbed her skin vigorously, hoping it would help wash all the guilt and shame away. It worked. She felt much better when she finally got out of the shower.

Better, until she went to bed. She kept twisting and turning, not finding a comfortable enough position to lay in. And then it happened. Shauna Shipman finally broke down. She cried and cried and cried until she had no more tears left to cry. Curled up in a ball, she quietly sobbed away the last bit of remaining tears when she heard a sound come from the little box. She sniffed and, whipping away her tears, propped herself up on her elbows and peered over the bed. She saw two little, light-brown ears moving around in the cardboard box, and she got up to check on her new roommate.

Kneeling on the floor, she leaned down and looked at the little creature. “Hey buddy, can't sleep?" The bunny turned to face her, and its little nose wiggled. Its brown eyes, looking back into her own. “Yeah, me neither,” she said, letting out a loud sigh and plopping down next to the box. She stayed like this for a while, studying him, watching his little ears move, his little nose sniffing around, and his eyes dartingly scanning his surroundings. She tried lying down on the floor, but it didn’t feel as comfortable, so she got up again. She took the box and bunny with her and went back to bed. At first, she decided to place the box on the floor beside the bed and lied down. After some more fidgeting and twisting, she ended up picking up the box and placing it in the vacant space next to her.

“I fucked up. I really fucked up,” she said, looking inside its little brown eyes. “I ruined everything and lost my best friend. My person. My…Jackie.” Little ears moved again, and the little ball of fluff’s nose wiggled again. “I didn’t mean to, you know?” She dropped back down onto her pillow, ”I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I don’t even like Jeff. Fuck, I don’t even like guys!” Silence. Had she just confessed her secret to…a bunny rabbit? Had she really just admitted it out loud? “Fuck.” She ran a hand through her still-damp hair and closed her eyes. " What am I going to do?"

She ended up falling asleep. Her arm around the little box, with Bunny sleeping peacefully inside, was tucked in between the folds of her old flannel shirt. Shauna dreamt of happy memories that night. She dreamed of shared giggles and stolen glances. She dreamt of honey-brown locks and hazel eyes. She dreamt of kissing strawberry-lipstick-coated lips. She dreamt of Jackie. Her Jackie.

Jackie had been by her side the entire day at school, asking all about how the rabbit was doing, how it had slept, if it had eaten, and what it had eaten. She even asked Shauna how she had slept. Shauna had replied with a "Good , thank you,” accompanied by a small smile. Jackie cares. She had cared enough to ask, and that had made Shauna’s heart flutter and her stomach twist and turn.

After school, they had driven straight to Shauna’s house so Jackie could check on the rabbit. They spent the entire afternoon in her room, with Jackie trying to come up with a name for it and asking it if it liked the ones she suggested, while Shauna laughed at her little antics. She couldn’t remember the last time they had spent time together like this. Well, she could. She just hadn’t dared to think about it because every time she did, she would fall apart over and over again.

“Shaunie!” Jackie squealed excitedly.

“Huh?” Shauna abandoned the book she was reading and looked at her friend.

“Shaunie! That’s his name!” She grinned and rubbed the top of his head with her finger.

“What?!” Shauna raised her eyebrows at her friend, but Jackie just shrugged.

“I think it suits him.” She stated it simply.

“Oh?”

“Yep. Brown fur, brown eyes.” She glanced back and forth between Shauna and the rabbit. “You look alike. I think it’s a fitting name."

“Oh…Okay?” Shauna scrunched her face and opened her mouth to say something, but Jackie spoke first.

“Well, not quite. He's cuter than you. Nicer.” She ran her fingers along his little ears.

“Umm, okay…ouch.” She faked a pained expression, only it hadn’t been fake, because Shauna’s heart was bleeding and all she could think of doing was falling onto her knees and begging Jackie to forgive her. “That’s fair, I guess..." was all she settled for, and she went back to reading her book, not that she could focus on any of the written sentences; it was all the same to her—ink on paper.

Jackie eyed her curiously and took Shaunie outside of his box and into her lap. “Do you think Shaunie’s leg will heal quickly?” She asked, her eyes trained on his bandaged leg.

“I don’t know. I think he is doing much better than when we found him. And it’s only been a day."

“Is that right, Shaunie? You’re doing much better now.” She cooed, and Shauna couldn’t suppress the smile that was trying to form on her lips.

“He’s a fighter."

“He is. He is a brave little boy, aren't you?” She cooed again.

“Definitely braver than me,” Shauna whispered to herself.

“What?” Jackie raised her gaze to look at Shauna, who was focused on the book in her hands.

"I don’t think the name suits him. He is brave, and... I'm." The last words were barely audible, but Jackie heard her say, “I’m a coward."

She looked at her for a moment and then stood up. Holding Shaunie in her arms, she walked over to the door. “I’m going to go grab some water... Want me to get you anything?"

“No…thank you.” Shauna replied, offering her a strained smile.

“Okay.” She took a few steps forward, but then she paused and retreated back. “Maybe not. Maybe you’re just scared," she said, looking at Shauna straight in the eye, and then she left to go downstairs.

Weren’t those two the same thing? Shauna thought to herself. It was true. She had been scared. Scared of having to live her entire life in Jackie’s shadow. She always felt more like an extension of Jackie, rather than her own person. Their relationship was consuming her, and the more she dwelled on her feelings for her best friend, the more the need to escape from it all became more and more urgent. When she could no longer be in denial about how she felt for Jackie, when the fact that she saw her as way more than just her best friend since kindergarten began to sink in, Shauna knew she was fucked. So Shauna did what she knew how to do best. She started pushing her away and feeding more resentment towards her. She knew she could never have her, so she went for the next best thing. Jeff. Anything to feel closer to Jackie. Anything that came as close to being with Jackie. And how do you explain that to your best friend? Oh, I fucked your boyfriend because I couldn’t have you. The entire time he was inside me, I was thinking of you. I pretended it was you that I was kissing and that I was holding. I begged him to tell me he loves me, only so I could pretend it was you saying it. Because I was so desperate to have you, Jackie. I was so desperately in love with you, and I still am.

“Is Deb working the night shift again?” Jackie said, walking in and snuggling Shaunie in her arms.

“Uh, yeah. She is.” Shauna was brought back to reality, and unable to put her thoughts in order, she said the first thing that came to her mind. “Do you want to stay the night? We can order pizza and watch a movie.” Jackie eyed her, uncertainty swimming in her eyes. "Uh, if you want to, I mean, Shaunie could use the extra care."

“Yeah, okay. Sure. I’ll just need to call Mom and let her know."

“Of course.”

“I’ll tell her we have an assignment, and we’re going to need to finish it before Monday.” She sat on the bed and crossed her legs, adjusting the rabbit so it would fit in her lap comfortably.

“Okay…Yeah.” Jackie never had to give any sort of explanation as to why she was staying over at Shauna’s. That, of course, was back when they were friends. Now things were different. “I am going to order the pizza. The usual?”

“Yeah, the usual.” Naturally. Because you don’t just throw away a lifetime of endless shared moments with someone you know better than yourself.

They ate in silence. Well, Shauna did. Jackie was having a monologue with Shaunie, asking him if he would like to have some of her pizza. The rabbit’s ears moved, and it wiggled its little nose. That was as good of an answer she would get from him; he was just a rabbit after all. She couldn’t be upset at him. With Shauna, however, it was different. Because Shauna could actually speak, only she hadn’t. What good is it to have been given a voice when one doesn’t know how to use it?

After finishing their dinner and feeding Shaunie, who had passed on the pizza and had eaten lettuce again, Jackie went downstairs to call her mom, and Shauna prepared the bed. Just like old times, minus Jackie calling her mom.

“Do you have something I can wear to bed?” She asked as she entered the bedroom, where she found Shauna reading her book again. She went straight for the dresser, not waiting to get an answer, and opening it, she quickly grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that read ‘Wiskayok High’. “Do you mind if I jump in the shower real quick?"

“Uh no. Go ahead. There’s plenty of warm water.” Shauna replied and got up from where she was sitting on the bed. “Are we going to...share the bed?” She asked in a timid voice. Like a stranger would. She expected Jackie to say yes, or maybe even no, given everything that had gone down between them. But Jackie said none of those things. She just shrugged.

“I don’t care; it's whatever.” She said in a neutral tone and headed straight for the bathroom.

Floor it is then. She used a spare blanket to make herself a makeshift bed, changed into her pajamas, and laid down. She pulled the box with Shaunie in it closer to her and closed her eyes. Tomorrow was a new day. She just had to sleep the night through and hope she wouldn’t wake up with a sore back.

Jackie came out of the bathroom half an hour later. She found Shauna sleeping with her hand placed inside the box, next to a sleeping Shaunie. She went straight to bed.

Maybe that was a bit too harsh, she thought to herself. Making Shauna sleep on the floor in her own house while she occupied her bed. But it wasn't, and she hadn’t. She had told her she didn’t care, and Shauna had decided to take the floor. She wasn’t going to feel bad about this too.

She watched the pair as they slept. Shaunie’s ears would slightly move every so often, and Shauna was out cold. Her breathing was even, her features relaxed, and her lips slightly parted.

She looks so beautiful. And now Jackie was frustrated with herself and turned around to face the other way, away from the cute little rabbit and away from Shauna. Her Shauna.

“Fucking hell.” She muttered to herself quietly and turned around to face her sleeping friend again. "Shauna," she said, her voice loud enough for her to hear it in her sleep.

Nothing.

And then she saw movement on the floor. "Yeah?" she said, her voice full of sleep now.

“Come to bed…” Jackie meant it to sound suggestive, but it came out more like a demand.

“Okay.” And she did. She got up and taking the box with her, she went to her side of the bed—some things never change—and she lay down, placing Shaunie between the two.

Hazel eyes took in dark brown ones as they lay there, staring at each other and not saying a word. What was there to say? Was there anything left for them to say to one another? And even if there was, would it matter? It was too late now.

“Goodnight Shauna.”

“Goodnight Jackie.”

Too many tears had fallen, and perhaps some things were better left unsaid.

__________________________________________________________

"I mean, what even is a rabbit? A squirrel with floppy ears and a pom-pom on its ass? Like, why? What even is that?" Jackie thought out loud as she was making Shaunie’s 'bed, folding the old flannel neatly and placing it at the bottom of the box.

“It’s a rabbit... What is this question?” Shauna scrunched her face in confusion as she flipped over the pages of her notebook for what must have been the fifth time.

Jackie tucked Shaunie back into his bed and looked at Shauna. “It’s Saturday."

“Yeah.” More flipping.

“Do you have to study now?” A hint of complaint.

Shauna dropped the notebook to the side and looked back at her friend. "Well..."

“Let’s take Shaunie for a walk,” Jackie said, leaping onto her feet.

“What? Where?”

“Outside! He needs to see the sun, breathe some fresh air, and smell the fresh grass.

“Jackie, he can’t walk yet. His foot is still-” Shauna tried to reason, but Jackie had her mind set already.

“We will carry him in his box! Come on, it will be fun!” She smiled down at the little bunny rabbit and cooed, Won't it, Shaunie?"

“Uhh… I don’t know. Is that even safe for him?”

Jackie rolled her eyes at her. “Of course it's safe! He isn’t going to get out of the box. If you prefer to stay cooped in on such a beautiful day, however, have at it. We are going out!”

“Fine,I am coming with you.” Shauna groaned and stood up from her sitting spot.

“It’s cool. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” Jackie said, almost dismissively, that the hint of disappointment in her voice was, however, slightly audible.

“I do; I want to.” She did. In fact, she didn’t want to leave Jackie’s side. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

“Okay.”

“Okay. Um, we could go to the park.” Shauna said as she threw on a pair of shoes, and they both made their way downstairs.

“Great! He’s going to love it there! Oh, we should get some food; he might get hungry!"

Excitement was written all over Jackie’s face, and Shauna couldn’t help but smile at her.

They prepared everything they were going to need for their little walk in the park. Jackie made the snacks for Shaunie, while Shauna made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for them, in case they got hungry too. They packed the stuff in a picnic basket—Jackie had insisted, and she had made Shauna look for one—"There's no way Deb doesn’t have a basket around here,” and they finally left the house and headed for the park.

It had indeed been a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the pleasant, warm breeze blowing every now and then, and no hint of the previous day’s stormy shenanigans. The perfect day for a walk in the park with her no longer best friend. A little bit weird, but Jackie could manage; they were doing this for Shaunie.

“What about over there?” Jackie questioned, furrowing her eyebrows and scratching her head.

“Looks good.” Shauna nodded, and they both made their way toward the spot Jackie had picked.

They spread the little blanket they had packed along with their snacks, and after they placed the box in the middle, they plopped down on the ground. A young couple was sitting underneath a tree, and some kids were playing with a frisbee not too far from where they sat.

“Are you hungry, Shaunie?” Jackie asked the little rabbit, fluffing his ears.

“He ate before we left Jax; I don’t think he is hungry yet.” Shauna deadpanned, and Jackie narrowed her eyes at her.

“I was just making sure.” She said, turning her nose up and then looking back at the rabbit. She then grinned and gently took him out of the box and placed him on the blanket.

“He looks scared,” Shauna said, observing the little animal, whose eyes were wide open and roamed around the area.

“It’s a new environment for him; he is investigating,” Jackie said as she lay on her belly and studied the little creature.

Shauna observed her with an amused look on her face, trying not to show how much she was actually enjoying this. She hadn’t seen her friend be this excited since, well, since she betrayed her and broke her heart into a million pieces. Jackie was smiling now. She was smiling, her eyes were sparkling, and Shauna could pretend for a moment that they never fell apart.

“You have a fluffy little butt!” Jackie’s comment broke Shauna out of her thoughts, and she saw her poke his tail with her finger. A snort escaped her mouth, and Jackie looked at her and asked, “What?"

“Nothing,” Shauna said, managing to compose herself. Jackie then poked the rabbit’s tail again, and their eyes met again.

“Pom pom!” She said and grinned, and then they both burst out laughing. They laughed for a good five minutes. They laughed so hard that their bellies started to ache, and their lungs were burning.

“Look at him; he looks so confused,” Shauna said, completely out of breath.

“He is happy that we came here, though."

“How do you know?"

“I just do,” Jackie smirked. "I'm the rabbit whisperer."

More laughter followed, and then a familiar voice cut their laughter short.

“Hey, losers.” Natalie Scatorccio, sporting her combat boots and signature leather jacket, approached the pair, a wide grin plastered on her face.

“Hey, Nat.” Both girls spoke in unison.

“Picnic in the wilderness, and I didn’t even get an invite?” She said, giving them her best fake frown expression. “What is that?!” Her eyes widened the moment she saw the box.

“It’s a rabbit!” Jackie squealed excitedly. “We found him yesterday. He was all by himself on the road during the storm. We took him to the vet, though, and they said he would be okay. His foot is broken, but other than that, he is completely healthy! Aren’t you Shaunie?” Jackie cooed at the rabbit, and Natalie lifted her eyebrows.

“Shaunie?...” She repeated, smirking and looking in Shauna’s direction. “You the dad?” She spoke, her voice a tad bit lower, as if she were saying something only they were meant to hear.

“Huh? What? No.” Shauna’s face turned slightly red as she fidgeted in her seat. “I’m just taking care of him until he gets better. After that, we will have to find him a suitable home."

Jackie’s mouth dropped, and she turned to look at her. “What? We aren’t giving him away! He is ours now!"

“I uh…”

“Uh oh. Mommy and Daddy are having a moment.” Natalie said, speaking to the rabbit that just sat there and moved its little ears.

“Don’t worry, Shaunie, you're not going anywhere. I’m taking you home... after I talk to mom first.” Jackie explained herself to the rabbit, with the other two girls looking at her and exchanging looks between the two.

“What’s up? Meeting with Kevyn?” Shauna asked, hoping they could stir the conversation away from the rabbit’s future living accommodations.

“No. I am actually waiting for someone.” Natalie said,pulling the pack of cigarettes out of her pocket.

“Hot date?” Jackie chirped and winked at her.

"Uh, sort of? No. It’s a meet-up. But the asshole is late, and I’m really starting to get pissed.” She grumbled, and when Shauna and Jackie gave her both a confused look, she continued, “Kevyn found someone who’s selling music equipment that’s in very good condition, and the prices are ridiculously low. He couldn’t come though, so he sent me to do his business deed, but Kai is nowhere to be seen."

“Kai?” Shauna asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. That’s the name Kevyn gave me."

“Is it a girl or a dude?” Jackie asked, her eyes now trained back at the bunny.

“Shit, I don’t know? But they will surely hear it once we meet. I’ve been here for thirty minutes. Better have a good excuse for standing me up.” Natalie said as she took a long drag from her cigarette. “I’ma go around and look... Maybe the asshole got lost in the park or something. You guys have fun; don't fight too much in front of the child. You don’t wanna traumatize him.” She grinned and walked away, waving them goodbye.

“Bye Nat.” Both girls yelled in unison as they watched her walk away on her quest to find the mystery seller.

“I think he wants to sit in the grass.” Jackie’s eyes were trained on the rabbit, but it seemed like she was looking beyond it.

“You think?” Shauna laughed and let her body fall back down onto the blanket. “You think or you know?"

“Shaunie, do you want to step on the grass?” Jackie, in all her seriousness, asked.

Nothing.

“Shaunie?”

“Jax, you do know rabbits don’t speak, right?"

"It doesn't hurt to ask him. A little effort to communicate can go a long way, Shauna.” Jackie’s tone was bitter, and she didn’t even try to hide it.

Great. Use the child to get back at me for everything I put you through. "You're right."

“What?” Jackie lifted the rabbit and gently placed him on the grass. Its eyes moved, and it wiggled its nose.

“You’re right,” Shauna repeated. suck at communicating, and it cost me my best friend. So yeah, you're right. A little effort can go a long way."

Jackie couldn’t help herself, and she just scoffed. “You didn’t lose your best friend because you sucked at communicating; you lost your best friend because you sucked my boyfriend's dick."

A pause.

“Uh, Jackie I didn’t suck Jef-”

“Fucked him. Safe difference, Shauna,” she stated flatly, rolling her eyes.

“But it isn't," she whispered. And it wasn’t, because one would require her to actually be into him. And she wasn’t.

“Whatever.” Jackie huffed and went back to playing with Shaunie.

Shauna felt the overwhelming sensation of a scorching water bucket falling on top of her as she lay there, gazing at the blue sky. It wasn’t whatever to her. Nothing about them ever was.

“It was you.” It had been that simple. All of this time, it had been this, fucking, simple.

“What?” Jackie said, looking down at Shauna, whose eyes were still floating up in the ocean of blue.

“It was you.” She stood up and sat, facing Jackie, and their eyes locked. “It's always been you. It still is."

Jackie felt her mouth go dry and her hands get clammy. "Shauna, I don-”

“I was mad at you. I was mad at how much of a hold you had on me. I was mad at how confused being around you made me feel.” Her eyes had turned glassy, and her breath was now uneven. "I was sick of always coming second best. I was exhausted from having you dictate and plan our entire lives. I was angry at you for never taking into account what I wanted or felt.”

Jackie felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she shook her head. “Yeah, and you never thought that talking about it would be a good idea? You just decided to write it all down while all of this time I thought you…” She wiped away the single tear that had escaped and ran down her cheek.

“I wanted to. I wanted to, but I was terrified.” She sounded almost defeated. She felt defeated.

“Of what, Shauna? You were my best friend; we told each other everything. You could have told me everything."

“Of losing you, Jackie! I was terrified of losing you.” Shauna couldn’t bother holding her tears anymore; she just let them spill all out. ”I loved you so fucking much that the mere thought of you leaving drove me insane. I couldn’t have you. I knew I couldn’t have you, and it killed me. It ate me from the inside. So I did it. I fucked Jeff.” She let out a bitter laugh and shook her head. ”It’s fucked up, isn’t it? It worked, at least for a moment. God, the entire time I was thinking of you.”

Jackie’s tears had hit pause, and she was looking at Shauna as if she had just grown two extra heads.

“Yeah… I am pathetic like that. Fucking sue me.” She hugged her knees and pulled them close to her body. “I thought that it would go away eventually. I thought that if I could get angry enough at you, the feeling would go away.” She closed her eyes for a brief moment and then opened them again, meeting Jackie's. “But it didn’t. It didn’t go away. I still loved you. Love." She cleared her throat, now drier than a desert. ”I’m still in love with you.”

A sad puppy that had just been rejected from being adopted; Shauna Shipman putting all of her cards on the picnic table, properly exposed and vulnerable, for the first time in her life.

Jackie opened and closed her mouth several times before speaking, and when she finally decided to make a sound, Shauna beat her to it.

"Jackie," she said, looking at the spot where Shaunie had been sitting. Because the moment Jackie followed her gaze, her eyes widened. Shaunie was gone . They exchanged another look, and their eyes went back to roaming around—nothing .

“Oh my god!” Jackie cried out and stood up. They both did. “He was just here!”

“He can’t have gone too far! His leg is broken. Come on, we will find him.” Shauna said, her voice filled with urgency as she started walking around their spot, looking for the little rabbit.

“I had my hand near him the whole time! When did he sneak away?! I can’t believe I lost him."

“You didn’t lose him. We’re going to find him.”

They spent an entire hour looking. They searched every bush, every thick grass patch, every bench, everywhere. But Shaunie was nowhere to be found. He was gone. Just like that, he poofed into thin air. They walked back to their stuff, and Jackie fell down onto the blanket. She was on the verge of tears now, tired from all the looking, tired from everything .

“I lost him. I saved him only to lose him."

“Jackie…you didn’t..” But Jackie was crying now, sobbing uncontrollably, and then the sobbing turned into painful wailing. Shauna did the one thing she knew she had to do and wrapped her arms around her.

“He’s gone, Shauna.” Her voice cracked, and Shauna felt her own heart crack open in two. “I can’t… I can’t believe I will never get to see him again. Hold him. Play with him and see him flop his little ears."

And then they were both crying. With Jackie nestled into Shauna’s arms, they sat there and cried until the sky turned dark and they were both out of tears to cry.

It happens eventually—the cathartic aftermath. A sense of peace overtakes the soul, and you’re just there, completely surrendered to life as it is. They had both surrendered now.

Shauna had one hand tangled in honey-brown curls, her other one gently drawing circles onto Jackie’s back. They stayed like that for a while, even after all the crying had subsided and they had both calmed down. Jackie had been the first one to speak after pulling back out of Shauna’s warm embrace.

“I’m ready to go home.” She said, looking up at Shauna, who just nodded at her and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“Okay… Let’s go home."

They stood up and started slowly gathering their things. Someone had to deal with Shaunie’s box, and it sure wasn't going to be Jackie doing it. So Shauna put it aside and gathered the blanket from the ground, folding it so it would fit back into the picnic basket. She reached down to where the basket was lying, tipped to the side, and put it upright, opening one of the flaps again so she could stuff the blanket in. She put her hand inside first to make sure there was enough space and she wouldn’t squish the food they had brought but never got to eat, and letting out a loud squeal, she pushed the basket and tipped it again back to its initial position.

Jackie turned to look at her from where she was tying up her shoes. “What’s wrong?”

“Jackie…” Shauna trailed, her eyes glued to the basket.

“What?” She whispered, following Shauna’s gaze.

The basket flap moved slightly, and then it moved again. And then it moved a lot, and two fluffy ears popped out.

“SHAUNIE,” Jackie screamed and launched herself toward the basket.

She pulled the basket flap completely open and out Shaunie crawled.

"SHAUNA, WE FOUND HIM.” Jackie squealed and took the rabbit in her hands, hugging it tightly—as tightly as one could hug an injured rabbit—and she looked at her friend.

Shauna let out a long, loud sigh and went over, wrapping her arms around Jackie. “Thank God…” She looked at the little brown ball of fur, "You little mischievous squirrel!”

A smile appeared on Jackie’s tear-stained face, and she looked at Shauna and then back at Shaunie. She then gently tugged on its fluffy tail, “Pom, pom.”

If the crying had been cathartic, the laughing fit they got in was even more so. When they finally managed to compose themselves, they walked back home.

“He’s so cute when he is sleeping,” Jackie said, observing Shaunie, now in his box, on top of Shauna’s bed.

“He is.” Shauna, who was standing behind her, agreed.

“Yeah… Just like you."

“Uh..I..”

Jackie turned around to face her and reached out, taking her two hands in her own. They stood there, looking at each other. No; not looking. They were swimming into each other’s eyes.

“Shauna Shipman,” Jackie said and Shauna gave her a small, sheepish smile. “Your communications skills suck.” At that, Shauna just nodded. “You’re shit at handling your own liquor; you're a terrible liar, and honestly, you were kinda terrible at being my best friend too.

“I know… I-”

“But I love you. I always have, and I probably always will.” She smiled and sighed, “Which kind of sucks because I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and it terrifies me, but there’s nothing I can do about that, you know? "Nothing; but hope you feel the same way I do."

“Jackie…” Shauna's heart was skipping beats left and right now. “I am so sorry for everything—everything that I did and didn’t do. I am sorry for hurting you, and I am sorry for ever letting you go.” She took one step closer. "The truth is, Jackie, I don’t even know. I don't even know where you end and I begin, and that terrified me; it still does.” She ran her tongue over her bottom lip before speaking again, "But I am done now. I am done running. I am done running away from my feelings, from you, from us. I love you, Jackie. I love you so much that I don’t know what to do with all that love I have for you.”

“I know. You can give it to me.” Simple as that. And then Jackie smiled, and Shauna’s mind was made up.

They both leaned in at the same time, meeting each other halfway. Jackie’s lips tasted like strawberries, and Shauna felt like the ground disappeared beneath her feet, but she didn’t care. She was kissing Jackie, and Jackie was kissing her. Most importantly, she had told Jackie she loved her, and Jackie had told her she loved her too. Their kiss was sweet and tender. Years of piled-up emotions and yearning for one another, conveyed in the blink of a moment.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both smiling. Shauna’s brown eyes radiated so much warmth that Jackie felt her feet turn into jelly.

“I know now. I figured it out.” Jackie said, running her hands down Shauna’s sides and pulling her closer.

“Hmm? What?”

“‘What even is a rabbit’, I figured it out."

Shauna looked at her expectantly, her own hands wrapped around Jackie’s slightly smaller frame.

Jackie turned out to look at Shaunie, sleeping peacefully in his little makeshift bed on top of Shauna’s old flannel shirt. “They’re little fluffy creatures, full of love and happiness."

Turning to look at the little rabbit, Shauna nodded and said, “Sounds about right."

The rabbit wiggled its little nose in his sleep, making the two girls giggle and pull each other into a tight hug.

After tucking themselves in bed—Shauna lying on her back and Jackie nestled against her chest—and sharing a kiss—a very long kiss—goodnight, they were finally ready to get some very much-needed sleep after what must probably have been the longest day of their entire lives.

“I love you, Jackie Taylor.” And it was true. She loved Jackie with all her heart and all her being; she loved her with everything she had.

“I love you too, Shauna Shipman.” And she did. Jackie loved Shauna more than life itself.

Both girls said in unison, “ We love you, Shaunie. " And Shaunie loved them too. And even though he couldn’t say it, they had felt it. It had brought them back together. It brought them back home.

THE END

#shauna shipman #jackie taylor #jackieshauna #yellowjackets #fanfiction #what even is a rabbit #Freedom Flight's works

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ladyintree · 1 year ago

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░ she prepared for this to be a long day, but not because of the way it eventually turned out. her schedule was filled with press conferences and last minute efforts to meet the voters and secure her win — all of which was left behind with no real explanation immediately upon getting shauna's call. one dreadful situation had been handled, albeit messily — a dead body, an awkward conversation with the ex girlfriend she'd prepared to never see again, and one 6-foot hole later, this was not the place she wanted to spend her night after the day she had. she'd ignored every invitation to school reunions before, knowing exactly how they'd turn out: this was worse than the usual questions from strangers, because these are people who believed they knew them once, who were left behind in their absence. and they seem to have a lot to say now— none of which tai is interested in entertaining, especially when it comes to assumptions they've come up with for @warpainte.

she's not actually interested in a walk down memory lane --- she's just not all that interested in returning to an empty house, either, which is how she finds herself here, strolling the halls of her old high school just to pass the time. but when she sees a familiar figure at the end of the hall, she wonders if subconsciously, that's what she'd really been looking for — her. a small smile tugs at her lips, but as she approaches, she tries to wash it away, because even though she's not interested in another argument between them, she doesn't think that's the right way to greet her, either — as if it's casual, kind. she doesn't know where they stand now, preparing herself again for what might be the last time she sees her, so maybe, it's best to make it worth it.

❝ that's a beautiful dress, ❞ she says, a sigh following her words, like she's been holding that in all night ( and she has — because she nearly choked on the gasp she wanted to let out when she first walked in. ) of course, it reminds her of the last time she saw her in a dress, a night that she had mostly blocked out of her memory but hadn't forgotten mikayla's role in it. the thought nearly makes her smile again, no matter how it turned out, because back then, they were just dumb teenagers unaware of how to deal with their feelings. that was, strangely, a lot simpler than this. still, she's just as beautiful as ever. and as poised as tai usually is, she stands almost awkwardly now, one hand in her pocket and the other waving at her side. ❝ never thought we'd be back here, did you? ❞ not necessarily the school— but more than that, the two of them, alone, not over bloodstained floors or a masked man. together— for as long as they have, until they're once again apart for good, a bed tai has made herself.

#warpainte #arc: warpainte / adult.#glad we've now rewatched this episode for a 3rd time just for this

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jokeson-u · 2 years ago

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ok so u know how even though allie and nat clearly weren't friends or anything, nat was somewhat protective of her when it came to the other members? like, defending the fact that shes a freshman, arguing about how freezing her out is bullshit, how angry she was at taissa after allies leg broke? i have a headcanon that when they were all junior varsity players, the some of the varsity girls treated nat like shit, and it totally contributed to her freshman and sophomore years being shit. and it wasnt cus she was a crappy player; natalie was always pretty good on the field. but some varisty girls still saw her as an easy target for other reasons. they often made jokes about how the locker room smells like booze and cigarettes the second she walks in, and about her generally worn down clothing. they talk a lot about how gross they think it is that she hooks up with older guys as a freshman/sophomore and joke about not wanting to catch anything from her. there was probably a couple varsity members who didnt participate and/or sometimes told the others to back off. natalie wanted to be that kind of person for someone, and she cant help but get defensive when the girls talk shit about allie.

on a more lottienat note. i picture there being a yellowjackets gathering after a game pretty early on. some varisty girls laugh about how they're glad natalie got the hint that she wasnt invited, and the JV girls are kinda uncomfortable cus they actually do kinda like natalie but they dont wanna get the same treatment so they usually dont say anything. at first, anyways. cus once the conversation goes past saying theyre glad shes not there and turns into random shit talk that isnt even true, lottie speaks up and says they shouldnt talk about her that way. the JV girls are kinda shocked and most the varisty girls were confused and vaguley annoyed. but they kinda laughed awkwardly about 'JV looking out fir JV, how cute,' and change the subject. of course, that made lottie a target to some of the particularly judgemental varsity girls. its not as bad as with natalie, but they give lottie a hard time and talk about how spoiled she is and that they heard she takes pills at lunch and this and that. natalie tells them to shut up once when she hears them talking about lottie, and it only makes things worse for her but she doesnt really care. lottie never has had a bad thing to say about her and is the only person that doesnt treat her differently when theyre around the varsity members

also, I think nats dad died near the end of sophomore year. while most the particularly bitchy varsity members graduated, a couple still lingered. all the news said was he died from a self inflicted gun wound to the head, so theres a lot of talk around the school about what really happened. a few days after it happens, nat still isnt at school, and some of the girls in the locker room swap theories theyve been hearing about really happened. one heard from her friend that nat dad was an employee at his dads shipping company and was recently fired, which is probably why he killed himself. another girl says she heard natalie is the one who killed him, and it was covered up cus shes a minor. lottie instinctively blurts out that natalie didnt kill him. the varsity girls kinda roll her eyes and ignore her, but one agrees and says he probably killed himself because he got sick of living in a trailer with a drunk wife and slut daughter. van yells 'hey!' without thinking at the same time as shauna goes to speak up before jackie stops her. a varsity girl who wasnt talking shit actually backs the JVs up up and tells varsity to drop it and focus on getting on the field. the remainder of the awful varsity members graduate soon after that. come junior year, the girls all made it to varisty. but at that point, natalie wasnt interested in being cloe to anyone on the team. mostly due to mistrust. but she always liked lottie for not treating her differently back in freshman/sophmore year, and van isnt too bad so long as natalie isnt drunk and getting weird looks from her. but she can be weary of taissa and mari, who can be pretty harsh with the JV players. obviously nothing like the varsity girls nat dealt with, but still, it rubs her the wrong way, so shes the first defend them from any unnecessary scrutiny

#yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio #lottie matthews #charlotte matthews #lottienat #kinda

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juniperhillpatient · 2 years ago

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& like the thing that really gets me is that of course it’s heartbreaking for Callie that her mother couldn’t love her properly but you literally cannot hold it against Shauna because how was she ever supposed to recover? how was she supposed to hold a new baby in her arms & love it & trust that it’s real after what she experienced? how was she supposed to feed her new baby after what happened the last time she fed her baby? after what she saw?

it’s pretty clear to me that “dream” was real for Shauna so I don’t care if it wasn’t real to the other girls - that actually just makes it worse because they keep telling her it wasn’t real but she knows it was! she felt it she saw it! (can’t you hear him crying?)

I think Shauna has never loved anyone fully & completely except for Jackie & her dead baby because she loved Jackie to the point of consumption & now she’s consumed Jackie’s entire life & she’s married to Jackie’s boyfriend & living the future Jackie planned for herself & that’s what happens when she loves someone completely - she consumes them. or she has them ripped away (that’s why she didn’t even question if she’d have to kill Bruce she just assumed it that’s what she does she loves too hard & then she kills & consumes what she loves)

but it was supposed to be her & her son against the world & she loved him completely & unselfishly & she fed him even though she was starving herself & look what happened! he wasn’t even allowed to be real. he was ripped away & consumed in front of her & she was told he was never real at all.

Shauna can never trust herself to love someone completely & her relationship with Callie never stood a chance. she was never going to be able to love a new child completely 💔

(of course now they’ve gotten closer & I have a dark feeling something bad will happen now I don’t want it to but also nothing good has ever come of Shauna loving someone completely)

#shauna shipman #sorry.#yellowjackets s2 #cannibalism

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kanencrow · 4 months ago

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Comfort Under the Moonlight - Jackie Taylor | One Shot

Summary: A week after the crash that forced an indefinite stay within the Canadian Rockies, you wake up from a bad dream, and Jackie finds herself intuitively waking up to trail after you.

Warnings: Swearing, Slight Jeff Slander, Implied JackieShauna x Reader, Technically Injured!Reader (you have an abdominal wound that is described at some parts in this).

A/N: All characters are 18+ by default. This is another scrapped piece of writing from an old story I wanted to make. It kind of shares the same beginning as 'The Devil's Lettuce' because this one is rewritten to involve Jackie and Shauna, rather than Natalie. The entire piece is definitely not the same though, but there is still that level of tension between you and Jackie that was present in my other one shot.

Word Count: 5000+

Your eyes shot open, as a sharp gasp escaped your lips.

Immediately, your brain felt like a puddle of disorganized thoughts and memories as you pressed a hand to the floor to brace yourself, using it as a form of grounding for your panicked mind, while your wide, tired eyes stared towards the stone material of the fireplace. You could feel a pair of limbs wrapped around your waist from behind, and with the way you felt as though you had been coiled in a snake's death grip, you could detect that it was Shauna.

The reminder that she was there – that you were back within the reality you knew, helped you relax slightly, even if your heart still slammed powerfully against your ribcage, as though it wanted out. You breathed quietly, your clear anxiety noticeable to anyone who was awake, but it was obvious that you were the only conscious soul in the room. The brunette continued to mutely snore against the back of your neck, always a heavy sleeper, and although you wanted to settle back into a state of calm and warmth and sleep like your body craved, you couldn't.

The moon illuminated certain parts of the vicinity, you noticed, and that deduction only proved that your brain had decided to wake you up at the ungodliest of hours. You wanted to groan and scream your frustration because you loved your rest, but you lacked the energy entirely. Just like how your body lacked the enthusiasm to sleep. While everyone slumbered peacefully – as peacefully as they could while they slept on the floor of the main area of the cabin, you were wide awake and still attempting to calm down from the staggering nightmare you had.

It was about the cabins' attic, and dread filled your stomach the moment your mind redirected its focus onto the memory of what Taissa had found up there, almost a week ago. The owner of the building you and the rest of the people that survived the crash now lived in, had killed himself with a rifle that seemed no worse for wear.

Granted, you gained a weapon and an almost endless supply of ammunition to protect yourselves from any predator that may have lurked in the forest that surrounded the cabin, but the memory of taking his skeletal remains down from the attic and out of the building plagued your mind like a virus, which caused a bitter taste to coat your tongue.

You couldn't help but swallow the disgusting flavor the moment you sensed it, and shortly after, you felt yourself start to feel claustrophobic with where you were, surrounded by others – held by one – who were ignorant to your current predicament. Of course, it wasn't anything you faulted them for, but you didn't want to be around a place that did nothing but provide you with uncertainty and a lack of serenity.

With a quiet clearing of your throat, you silently pushed yourself up from where you laid beneath the grasp of Shauna. You were careful in the way you pried her arms off of you, and you almost winced when she grazed the wound on your torso throughout her state of unconsciousness and clinginess. Nonetheless, you managed to sneak away from her physical affection, and with a slowness that made you seem like you were stuck in slow-motion, you walked towards the entrance of the cabin, socked feet padding against the hardwood softly.

It didn't take long before you slipped on your unlaced boots that sat beside it, and the moment you tied them, you rose to your full height and opened the entryway, as you glanced back to stare towards your two best friends that you left behind, who were clearly none the wiser to your escape.

Jackie had her face pressed against the back of Shauna's neck, clutching her gently like a teddy bear, just like how she always did whenever the three of you had sleepovers, and the brunette's arms were stretched out in front of her, clearly not having roused from your movement. The sight managed to soothe your mind, and when the memory popped up into your head, but it wasn't a feeling that lingered. Not when the nagging reminder that you all were trapped in the forest swooped through your brain like a slicing knife.

For a split second, you wanted to lay back down and fall into their shared warmth, but your body and brain had become restless, and the last thing you desired was to bother them with your constant squirming while you attempted to force sleep onto yourself. Still, you admired the two for a moment longer, before you eventually breathed in and turned around, as you sluggishly slipped out of the cabin.

The door eventually shut with a quiet click behind you, and you were immediately thankful that you slept with a hoodie on, when a particular chill ran up your spine, due to the wind that wafted against your face and brushed through the short strands of your hair. It didn't take you long before you threw your hood up over your head and shoved your hands into the frontal pouch of the sweatshirt, as you trailed down the porch steps and traversed across the open space of the yard. You immediately directed your route to the nearby lake, and you couldn't help but glance up to stare at the moon, which tried to hide behind the trees that loomed over you.

The walk there wasn't as long as you expected it to be. With your shoulders hunched up to try and provide yourself with more warmth, you breathed out a deep exhale and watched as it turned into visible air in front of you, due to the nightly chill that the spring weather brought about. You were thankful it wasn't cold enough to where you would freeze to death down by the shoreline of the lake, but it definitely didn't provide you with that warming comfort the sheltered interior of the cabin brought you.

But you needed to leave there, just for a short while, while you collected your thoughts and calmed down from the nightmare you had. Now, it felt like a blur to you, when you tried to recollect what happened, and it only made you somewhat frustrated, as you mindlessly scaled down the steep hill that led to the large body of water up ahead.

You couldn't hear much, other than the occasional sound of the rippling tide that washed up onto the shoreline. It acted as your form of white noise, while you walked over to the familiar dried-out log you had found solace in the first time you came to the lake. However, instead of sitting on the rocky ground, you sat on the wood, and the moment you lowered yourself down onto it, you let out a heavy exhale, as your tired eyes mindlessly roamed around to stare at nothing in particular.

The moon was out on full display, now that trees didn't cover it from illuminating the environment you resided in. Owls cooed in the distance, and you heard an occasional rustling reverberating from the forest that sat far behind you.

While your hands sat snugly in the pouch of your sweatshirt, the hood that hung over your head fell down to pool behind you when a particularly heavy gust of wind hit against your face. You shivered at the feeling, but you didn't make an effort to resituate what had fallen, as you breathed in deeply, before you exhaled and allowed the quiet atmosphere to calm all the woes that attempted to plague your mind like poison.

Your slowly healing torso and burns were no longer your worry, not anymore, now that a week and a half had passed, which did the job in getting rid of most of the pain that enjoyed lingering around the entirety of your abdomen. Of course, the actual injury still remained, but it was already starting to heal around the edges, which only signified that it was going to go away sooner, rather than later.

It was mainly the thoughts of what your life was like, now, that seemed to suffocate you.

But, unfortunately, you weren't able to dwell on them, when you heard a voice.

"Y/n? What the hell are you doing out here?"

The curious but otherwise disgruntled tone of Jackie's groggy voice filled your ears, and your shoulders flinched in response, as your body twisted around to try and find where she was, even if the sudden jolt of pain that shot up your abdomen was the indicator that your brain disliked your decision. You couldn't begin to care in the first place, though, and it didn't take long before stood up to your full height and settled your eyes onto her form, while she walked down the expanse of the shore and towards the log, which caused the rocks to move under her shoes.

She wore the same striped rugby shirt you had seen her in the first time you and her shared silent glances at the lake, but the rest of her appearance was entirely different, which didn't at all signify that she had planned to wake up in the middle of the night and speak to you. Her grey sweatpants hung on her hips loosely, and the dark blue shirt she wore peeked out from underneath the hem of her long-sleeve, which only managed to show off her unkempt nature.

You weren't any better, however. Sporting the same pastel lavender hoodie you wore – your mother's hoodie, as well as a pair of loose red plaid pajamas that encouraged a gentle remark of 'we're matching' from Shauna when she first saw you wearing them. They were bunched up due to your boots, and it only made your entire appearance make you look as though you had just rolled out of bed and decided to go on a leisurely walk, which wasn't actually a lie.

It was clear that your movement had – somehow – managed to stir Jackie awake, even if she hadn't been the one whose arms you pried yourself out of, and you felt a hint of guilt melt inside your chest. "H-Hey, Jax." Your voice cracked the moment you uttered the greeting, sending her a strained smile. Of course, it didn't lessen her suspicion of you, when she lulled her head to the side and slumped her shoulders, as if she didn't buy your facade of normalcy at all whatsoever.

Even with the distance between the two of you, it wasn't difficult to detect the slightly grumpy but concerned glint that shined beneath her hazel eyes. Her arms were crossed over her chest, with her hip popped out slightly, giving you the characteristic Taylor stance she would always portray whenever she was on the verge of scolding someone. A part of you realized that you didn't deserve the attitude, though at the same time, you knew that she was someone who liked to know where you – or even Shauna – were at, at all times. And you had a constant habit of wandering off without a word, which always managed to get on her nerves the most out of her and the brunette, who was more than likely still slumbering peacefully beside the fireplace.

"What're you doing out here?"

When Jackie asked the question, you shrugged your shoulders, as if you yourself weren't sure as to why you were at the lake of all places. She moved her legs again to walk towards where you stood beside the log with a laziness in her step, trying not to break an ankle in the process, and it only gave you more time to come up with a response of some sort. "I... had a bad dream." Your eyes followed her form, all the while, watching her in a way that made it seem as though you were nervous of her reaction.

But she remained silent, and it didn't take long before she rounded around the dried-out tree trunk and stopped to idle in front of you, which forced you to turn towards her, as an expression of sudden worry shifted onto her features. She stared at you mutely, like she was waiting for you to say something else, to explain yourself in one way or another, but all you could do was weakly raise your hands up in defeat and turn your head away from her to mindlessly stare towards the water, reflecting the illumination of the moonlight beautifully. "I don't know. I guess that dead cabin guy being, well... dead..." you trailed off and parted your lips to exhale softly, "guess it kinda got to me."

With the way you despondently stared out towards nothing, you didn't notice the way Jackie's eyes shifted down in thought, as if she was mulling over the words you had uttered. "Oh," she hushed, her voice coming off as more of a raspy coo than anything else, and when you heard the simple word slip from her lips, you couldn't help but shift your gaze back towards her again. Your interest in her only seemed to increase, when she stepped forward and pulled your cold hands out from the pouch of your hoodie by grasping your wrists.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" You glanced down at the way her fingers trailed down and coiled around your palms, frigid skin against a slightly less chilled pairing of flesh, but even then, you felt a bloom of warmth flutter throughout your chest in turn, as the pads of her thumbs rubbed along your knuckles in a delicate manner that made you feel solace, "I could've helped," she told you gently, "and we'd be in the comfort of a warm cabin, but... I digress," she quickly muttered out, her lips barely moving as she said that, which only warranted amusement to escape you in the form of a huff.

"Needed to take a walk," you explained simply, clarifying yourself, even if you knew that you didn't need to. "I didn't really want to be in there, either." You squeezed her hands with a firmness that grabbed her attention, when she suddenly blinked back into reality and sent you a small smile, as if to say, 'I'm listening, and I understand.' Even then, you could only smirk softly at her, the corner of your lip curving up, and your silent response earned a tightened grip on your palms. "It's been getting kinda stuffy in there, and I just..." you shrugged your shoulders and glanced back towards the water, "I wanted an escape from it for a bit. Have some time alone with my thoughts, or whatever."

"Would you like some company, then?" Jackie questioned.

You immediately nodded your head, before you turned your eyes back to meet her own. "Yeah, I'd like that," you hummed out, "if you don't mind staying out here for a while," you added on, quietly, as your fingers reassuringly squeezed her hands. "I know it's kinda cold." You yourself weren't a fan of the cold, but the thought of heading back towards your place of refuge filled your chest with a feeling of dread. You would have loved, more than anything, to stay inside a warm safe haven and hash out your emotions and thoughts with one of your best friends whom you often didn't get to have those conversations with, but that wasn't what your brain was in search of.

Nor was your heart.

And Jackie seemed to catch on to the internal struggle, when she moved closer to you and fell flush against your chest, as she guided your hands to wrap around her back. "I don't mind," she mumbled, all the while, and you found yourself swallowing a lump that had suddenly formed in your throat, while you hesitantly coiled your arms around her waist. You felt her own do the same to your torso shortly after, and she inevitably settled her head against your shoulder and stared up at you thoughtfully.

"This makes the cold a little more bearable," she added, eventually. Her breath, hot and so close, wafted against the skin of your neck, and you had to hold yourself back from pulling away from her in turn. It was almost instinctual to simply shy away from any form of physical touch from her. She was your friend, granted, but you didn't – you couldn't – see her that way, which did nothing but make things more... awkward.

The same could have been said for Shauna, too.

There was no denying that you loved both of them, in a way that you probably shouldn't have, but at least with the brunette, the two of you had already delved deep into a relationship that definitely surpassed the boundaries of friendship. With Jackie? She was dating a guy that you didn't like, and she probably only preferred men to begin with, so it wasn't as though you stood a chance. However, even with all of that information, it didn't take away your ability to care about her.

You always would.

You promised – to yourself, mainly – that you would always be there for her. If Jeff cheated on her again, or they got into a petty argument, or her parents got on her case about something entirely trivial... you would always be on her side, and you would be the first to talk shit, even if Shauna lightly scolded you for your crude comments under the facade that she herself disagreed with your opinions. It was why you never took her seriously when she would tell you off, because you knew that she felt the same exact way.

You wondered if she also had a crush on Jackie.

With the way you had seen Shauna look at her, it made it pretty apparent that she did.

Which only complicated things more.

"Is this... okay?"

You were startled out of your thoughts by the voice of Jackie again. Your eyes immediately widened in response to the sound, and as you blinked, your focus fell down onto the awaiting gaze of the soccer captain, who had leaned back to stare at you with a look of subtle concern on her features. She almost looked... insecure, too. It was a sight you didn't often see on her, and when you would, it only ever had to do with what she was wearing, or with Jeff and regarding something that he had told her. Something backhanded. Noticing it on her face, and realizing that it was directed towards you only seemed to make your heart jump to your throat, and before you could truly ask yourself if it was okay that she was hugging you for longer than you were used to, you spoke up and nodded your head casually. "Yeah, of course it's okay."

Was it?

There was a beat of silence after your words, which were mumbled out with a quickness that would have made anyone turn their head and raise an eyebrow. Jackie could only stare at you with a look of thought on her features, eyes flickering across your own for longer than you were used to, before she eventually smiled at you, small and soft, and lowered her head back down to rest it against your shoulder, speaking out of view, while her breath fanned across the skin of your neck, again.

"Okay, good." Her arms tightened around you again, squeezing you with a security that made you feel warmer than you had already become, just from her touching you, and she was swift to continue on shortly after, as a soft sigh slipped past her lips, and she nestled her cheek into the soft fabric of your hoodie. "Remember when we were at that campfire the night the plane crashed?" she suddenly asked, her voice raspy and gentle as it hit your ear.

Your eyebrows flinched down as a reaction, even if her speaking brought comfort to you. Confusion couldn't help but fester within your brain and chest, and you found yourself breathing in while you stared off towards nothing, only seeing darkness behind the line of trees that separated the shoreline the two of you stood on from the surrounding ones. "I do, yeah," you replied softly, your own voice containing a hint of huskiness to it, due to the lack of use your vocal cords had gotten. "Why?"

"I didn't save Van," Jackie uttered, as she leaned more of her body weight into you, "it's why they made that comment about the whole Corn Nuts thing." She squeezed you tighter, fingers curling into the fabric of your hoodie, as if she wanted you to melt into her. All you could do was hug her back and lightly scratch the length of her spine with the dullness of your nails. "I mean, I-I tried to help them, because they were, like... stuck in their seat, but there was a fire and... and Shauna..." she trailed off suddenly, her words stopping as though she had been punched in the chest.

You could only continue to mindlessly rub her back, and when you moved your hand up to play with the baby hairs that her messy pony-tail showcased at the nape of her neck, she continued, after a moment. "She wanted to save Van, but I... I didn't want to lose her, all because she wanted to play the hero."

You weren't aware of what had transpired throughout the time that you were unconscious, and hearing that Van could have died because of the fact that Jackie wanted to keep Shauna safe only made you feel conflicted. Even if you were mainly on her side, you still cared about that comedic redhead, and the thought of something terrible happening to them made you feel nauseous.

"You were... just looking out for Shaun," you hummed out softly, still pondering, "that's not a good reason for you to be faulted. But I can see why Van wasn't entirely thrilled when you prevented Shauna from saving them," you added on, which made her sigh in response. It was one that carried weight to it, like she reluctantly – guiltily – agreed with you, and instead of pointing it out, you could only continue, while your head turned slightly to stare towards the water, mindlessly watching as the waves creeped up onto the shoreline. "Did you try apologizing to them?"

Jackie stayed silent for a moment, before she huffed and replied. "No."

Her response reminded you of a child who had been called out for stealing a cookie, and was in the process of confessing their thievery. You felt a wave of amusement hit your chest in turn, which forced a soft chuckle to bubble up from the depths of your chest. "Well, maybe you should think about doing that then, Jax," you mumbled out. Your tone held no malice behind it when you lightly chided her, but it was clear that she didn't appreciate your honesty either way, when she lifted her head from your shoulder and leaned back slightly, just to meet her hazel eyes with your own.

"You don't think I've tried?" Jackie asked, though you knew the question was entirely rhetorical, when she shook her head and softly scoffed, glancing away from you to stare towards the middle of your chest, "Every time I've tried to talk to them, they've shut me down and walked away," she admitted, "so, it's easier said than done to just apologize about leaving them to die, and moving on." She shrugged her shoulders, as if that was all she had left in her bag of defense, and when she fluttered her eyes away from yours to stare towards the illuminated water that the moon's light hit, you pursed your lips and sluggishly pulled away from her.

Your arms dropped to your sides, and instead of gaining a retort of annoyance from Jackie at your movement, she simply turned her head to watch you silently instead. "Give it time," you eventually mumbled. You didn't know what else to say, other than that, but it wasn't like it mattered, when you received a subtle smile from your best friend in turn while she watched as you shuffled back and lowered yourself down to sit on the dried-out log.

You were quick to clutch your side, all the while, the action creating nothing but discomfort to your stitched up, barely healing wound, and the moment your free hand pressed against the smooth bark of the makeshift seat, the dirty-blonde stepped forward slightly, which caused the rocks to crack together beneath her shoes. "I'm sure Van'll forgive you eventually," you added on with a strained voice, "maybe do things to butter them up."

"That's what you do to me whenever I'm upset with you," Jackie uttered endearingly, as she stepped over to the log and settled down beside you shortly after. The moment she did, her shoulder pressed against your own, and you unconsciously leaned into her, while your eyes stared out towards the lake. "I doubt that's gonna work with Van," she admitted, "especially with Taissa around."

You almost perked up at the clear implication behind her words – that she knew about the couple's relationship and how it pushed past the boundaries of platonic nature. Your expression couldn't help but light up, even in your attempt to hide your shock towards her observation, and she seemed to recognize your attitude when she glanced over at you and let out a laugh. "Yeah, I know they're together," she stated, "it's pretty obvious."

For some reason, your heart leapt to your throat as though it wanted out again. Maybe you shouldn't have been surprised, but you were, anyway. A part of you wondered if she had any inkling about you. Were my own feelings as apparent as they felt? You could have very well been overthinking it. With the lack of sleep and the borderline delirium you experienced, it would have made sense.

Either way, you tried your hardest to shrug it off as though her comment wasn't something that clashed with your own personal thoughts, and she seemed to buy it, when she looked at you earnestly, lacking the telltale sign that she was suspicious of your own reaction. "Yeah, I mean... yeah." You chuckled awkwardly, the words tumbling out of your mouth like water, "It's pretty clear that they're, y'know... together." You paused, and it gave Jackie a moment to quietly giggle at your sudden sheepishness, and all you could do in response was falter, as your eyebrows furrowed to showcase sudden curiosity. "That doesn't, like... weird you out?"

"What," Jackie replied, "those two being together?" She tilted her head at you, as if she was genuinely curious about your question and what you were intending to mean. You could only nod, as your lips parted, faltering and clueless on how to verbally respond, which only encouraged her to continue, when her hazel eyes flickered down your face, and her expression softened into a look of warmth and gentleness.

"I think it's... sweet," she hummed out, "I'm almost kinda envious of what they have, honestly." Her gaze flickered up to meet yours again, and she chuckled stiffly, "Jeff is... Jeff," she stated simply, "and although I love him, I just... it feels like there's something missing between me and him. But I don't know what it is."

Maybe all you need to do is find a replacement.

"You already know how I feel about him," you mumbled.

Your simple statement earned a soft laugh from Jackie in turn, "Yeah," she muttered, "I know." She lightly nudged your shoulder, which made your body jostle slightly, before you fell back into position, and she lulled her head down to rest her temple against it. "I was actually thinking of breaking up with him after Nationals, if you can believe it," she admitted softly. Your eyes immediately widened at that. You were thankful she didn't see you, though you were certain she would have rolled her eyes with playful intention if she did.

You almost felt excited in response to that tidbit of information, and when you were too stuck in your state of astonishment, she continued, as her arms wrapped around your elbow and she hugged it, "I know what I said in the car, just a few days before that party," she started, "y'know... about staying with him through college and everything, but... I gave it a lot of thought after, and... I don't know." She shrugged, "I think you and Shauna made me realize that I deserve better."

"You think?" you repeated softly, your tone almost teasing, as your eyes shifted away from the water to stare down at Jackie's face. Her head rested against your shoulder, and when she felt you shift, her own gaze lifted to meet yours, which allowed you to see the shy smile that formed on her face in response to your question.

"Okay, okay," she relented, "I know you and Shauna made me realize that I deserve better."

"I'll throw a celebration when that day comes," you muttered softly, before you turned your head away from her to stare up towards the moon, admiring the way it smiled down at the two of you, as if you and Jackie were the only ones on earth.

Jackie hummed, though the sound held a somewhat melancholic tone to it. "If it comes."

"It will, Jax," you responded gently, even if you yourself weren't entirely sure whether or not your words were going to come to fruition. Someone had to withhold some form of optimism when others couldn't, and it was clear that you took on that role, with the way Jackie had fallen into a pulsating state of highs and lows that had been going on ever since the plane crashed in the first place.

She huffed quietly from beside you, and when her fingers mindlessly intertwined with yours, her palm pressing flush against yours, you raised your arm and planted a firm kiss to her sun-kissed knuckles. "We'll get through this, one way or another," you mumbled against her skin, before pulling away and allowing your connected limbs to fall against your leg, "I promise."

Your best friend nestled herself closer to you, and when she let out a soft exhale from where her head rested against your shoulder, she spoke up. "I hope you're right."

You hoped you were right, too.

#jackie taylor x reader #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets

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