#like no fairytale has a deep dive into how a couple got together

[totallyfluxd]

read the starless sea in like three days and I am. hmm. not capable of expressing how beautiful it is and how deeply it gripped me and hhhhhh I need a sequel about kat actually!!

[rocorambles]

Beauty and the Beast

Pairing: Iwaizumi x Reader

Genre: Fluff 

Summary: Life isn’t a fairytale and Iwaizumi is perfectly fine with that. 

Author’s Note: Gifting this to @aonesteddybear as part of the SFW Haikyuu HQ Gifting Event. Hope you enjoy~

Oikawa had always used to joke that whenever Iwaizumi got a girlfriend, it would be like the live reenactment of Beauty and the Beast (which always earned him a well-aimed volleyball to the head). But the ex-ace secretly wonders if the brunette is right. 

High school had been full of shy giggling girls who had nervously confessed to him or asked him out, entranced by the idea of dating the ace and vice-captain of Aoba Johsai’s renowned volleyball team, the best friend of Oikawa Tooru himself, the boy the entire Seijoh team and the rest of his peers highly respected and spoke well of. Even second-year Kyoutani Kentarou seemed to be on his best behavior whenever the spiky haired third-year was around and that was saying something. 

Encouraged and urged on by Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki to test out the waters, Iwaizumi had gone on a few dates. But he always felt like a bumbling inarticulate caveman no matter how sweet, how kind, how accommodating the girls were. 

He cringes when he remembers how accidentally callous he had been with his words, making girls cry and left when he lectured them about eating less sweets and exercising more when they insisted on going to desert shops, things he would tell his own teammates out of a responsibility to keep them healthy, not because he cared about what they looked like. And he groans when he remembers the countless times his highschool dates had screamed in his face when he just shrugged his shoulders and said they looked fine, the same as usual, when they showed off a new outfit, new haircut, new makeup look. 

Boys still flocked to him, younger students looking up to him as a role model, his male classmates fist bumping and slapping a hand on his back in friendly greeting. But gossip travels fast among highschool girls and as oblivious as Iwaizumi usually is to the rumors circulating around, even he notices the wary looks and whispers every time he walks past a group of girls. 

"Iwaizumi is polite, but I heard he has no social skills. Did you hear how he made the last girl he dated cry?"

"Iwaizumi and Oikawa are best friends, but Iwaizumi isn't anywhere near as charming as Oikawa." 

"Iwaizumi is kind of cute, but I heard he's kind of a brute when you get to know him." 

Rough around the edges. Gruff. Lacks tact. 

The descriptions never seem to end and although it stings a bit, Iwaizumi can't deny that there's some truth to all of the above. 

So he swears off dating throughout the rest of high school, dedicating himself to volleyball, making it to Nationals, passing the college entrance exam, leaving highschool with no regrets as he spends as much time laughing and fooling around with Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki as he can before hopping onboard a flight to California. 

America is different. College is different. And suddenly he feels like he's the beauty and the girls around him are beasts. 

Iwaizumi knows that even by Japan’s more conservative standards, he still falls on the quieter and introverted side of the spectrum, so acclimating to a place like California is a cultural shock to say the least. He feels as skittish as a mouse as girls blatantly flutter their eyelashes and casually lay their hands on his shoulders in class. He almost drops his drink in surprise when drunk college girls walk right up to him and attempt to lock lips at parties. And on the few dates that he does go on, he feels like a wide-eyed blushing maiden when he’s practically dragged into apartments after a date has ended under the guise of just watching a TV show together, only to realize that his date has much less innocent intentions. 

He tries to convince himself that it’s not just him, that it’s just a clash of cultures and that he’ll get used to it. But he throws his phone across the room when he sees pictures of Oikawa looking perfectly at home in Argentina’s arguably more sensuous and passionate culture. Even Matsukawa and Hanamaki handle themselves just fine the few times they come to visit Iwaizumi and he groans when he sees the two men soak up the attention and physical touches without even batting an eye. 

Fine, so maybe it is just him. 

Tired of being siloed into the roles of beauty and beast, he once again pushes dating aside, opting instead to dive headfirst into his studies, join the university’s volleyball club, explore the west coast. He gets good grades. He makes new friends. He gets to continue playing the sport he loves. All in all, it’s a great life and he really can’t complain. But every time he walks past a couple on campus holding hands, every time he sees a couple sitting together in the college coffee shop, every time he video chats with his old highschool friends and they go on and on about the girls they’re currently seeing, he feels a sharp pang of longing deep inside of him. 

Years pass and he busies himself with acing his exams and landing a solid career and now that he has his dream job as an athletic trainer for Japan’s National team, he hardly has time to think about anything outside of his rowdy team, let alone dating or women. And it certainly helps that the males he’s surrounded with on a daily basis all have one track minds, too focused on volleyball, on the court, on always excelling to care about romance or relationships. It’s a mindset he’s more than well acquainted with and he feels like he’s finally in his element as he barks orders and drills at the sweaty athletes, grinning when Bokuto’s spikes get stronger, giving a thumbs up when Hinata jumps even higher than before. 

Who needs a ring on their finger or a woman on their arm when victory tastes even sweeter than any love story? 

Or so he thinks until he meets you. 

The team is celebrating another victory at their favorite bar and although Iwaizumi is happy for them, he keeps a close eye on how many drinks they’re chugging, knowing that the role of babysitter will always fall on Ushijima and him. But all seems well so far. Atsumu and Sakusa aren’t at each other’s throats. Hinata and Bokuto are speaking in relatively coherent sentences. So he decides to reward himself with another drink, making his way over to the counter and waiting for the bartender to notice him. 

It’s a busy night and he sighs when minutes pass by, but he tenses up when a teasing voice reaches his ears. 

“You’re going to get wrinkles if you keep on frowning like that.” 

It’s instinctive, the way he scowls and snaps back at the stranger without even looking at them, telling them that’s just his face and if they don’t like it, they can take a hike. But he pales when he registers his harsh words and an apology is already forming in his mouth when he whips his head around to look at you, only to stare in surprise when you just cackle at him, eyes glimmering with mischief and curiosity as you introduce yourself, so different from the usual disappointed or judgemental looks he receives from women. 

And he wonders if this is a prank or a dream, disbelief coursing through him at how easily the two of you converse after years of believing that he would never find someone he was compatible with. There’s no need to sugarcoat his words, to filter his thoughts and he watches in awe as you take it all in stride, never flinching at his frank words, rolling your eyes with an amused smile on your face before sending a quip of your own right back at him, filling in the gaps when words don’t easily flow from his mouth. 

For the first time in his life, he doesn’t feel like a beauty or a beast. He’s just himself. Iwaizumi Hajime. 27. Athletic trainer. A man quickly falling head over heels for the woman besides him.

Dating you is a breath of fresh air. It’s comfortable. It’s natural. It just feels...right. There’s no pressure on him to be prince charming (although he tries his best and ends up grumbling when you just laugh at his stiff attempts of eloquent conversation and polite mannerism). There’s no tears or vague confusing anger directed his way when he misses subtle cues or phrases something horribly (both of which he is often guilty of) and he just nods and listens, jotting down mental notes when you tell him directly and clearly why you’re upset with him. 

And in return you see his more nuanced signs of affection and love. You see it when he roughly grabs your bags from you and holds them for you. You feel it when he silently corrects your posture when you’re working out together. You hear it when he briskly grunts at you to stop working so much and get some real food and sleep.      

Life isn’t a fairytale. There are no magic teapots to provide guidance. There’s no spell to blame their fights on. There’s no magic that will instantly restore peace. There’s only two humans, two equals learning how to love, navigating through life together, sticking side by side through the fights, the tears, the laughter, and the smiles. 

And Iwaizumi can’t help but think this is far better than any romantic fantasy, even a tale as old as time like Beauty and the Beast.    

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe: End of an Era: Outline & Review

I wrote this review in October but never got around to posting it here

Steven Universe: End of an Era is far more than an art book–it’s also a collection of behind-the-scenes material, stories about the experience of working on the show, planning documents and associated background info, and both older versions of developed concepts AND concepts that never made it into the show. It's a huge fusion of all those elements, and it's definitely an experience!

Some low-quality images are included with my review just to give you an idea of what’s there--it’s not a good substitute for getting your own copy, but here’s a tour!

Like the previous concept art book, Art and Origins, I'll be giving you a description of the structure and overview, while also collecting notable information for fans. Obviously just about everything is "notable" once again, but I'll aim for unique insight or perspective on the main source material, keeping the screaming about everything new to a minimum so you can also enjoy something for yourself if you pick it up. My low-quality photos should prevent people from feeling like I'm reproducing the book in any capacity. Please grab one while you can and have your own experience!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

OVERVIEW

The book is titled "End of an Era" for a couple reasons--obviously because it is released after the show has wrapped, but also because Gem history recently ended its "Era 2" and began Era 3--an age of prosperity and peace. The author--the person in charge of adapting all of this information into this slick, readable package--is Chris McDonnell, whose work was previously applied on the Art and Origins book.

The foreword is by N.K. Jemisin, a well-known science fiction author who's a huge fan of the show (and wrote a really excellent series that also has a weird geological connection, by the way).

And the cover, like its predecessor, is shiny and decorated with a beach scene featuring minimalistic characters--this time it's the Gems at night in front of the Temple, and on the back cover is a big pink leg ship in a cross-legged pose.

The interior covers are decorated with tons of amazing sketches of Steven and Connie on the front, and a bunch of Gem sketches on the back. Every interior page that most would leave blank is highlighted with some kind of sketch art or character exercise--it's so much to look at, so much to absorb.

The book is dedicated "For Eddie."

Its organization is different from the previous book in that it shares applicable work in chunks associated with groups of episodes rather than pertaining to different aspects of building the show.

FOREWORD

N.K. Jemisin gives us such a great introduction to the book--apparently understanding very well that the audience of this book is full of animation enthusiasts and adult fans more than it is full of kids, and explaining that bewildering journey some adults had from blowing this show off as a silly kid thing to falling in love with it hard and fast.

The important thing, Jemisin says, is being able to trust a storyteller with your heart. And it was clear to her that Rebecca Sugar knew what she was talking about and was saying important things about identity and the radical power that comes with accepting it and demanding respect.

Important also is how we handle heroes and who gets to be one in fantasy. That's part of the reason Steven Universe speaks to so many--because we see ourselves here, and know stories can be about us. Acknowledging the power we all have to MAKE THINGS BETTER with what we fight for is so important--especially if we're going to speaking to the next generation about it.

Highlighting Rose Quartz as a "born leader" who failed and Steven as a relatable scamp who did what she couldn't, Jemisin asserts that we can save the world.

1. END OF AN ERA

We start with an appeal to the audience to think about identity and the formative parts of our childhood--and how different it is if who you are and who you become is restricted, mocked, erased, or Not Allowed. Most people, if not ALL people, can relate to this, but for those of us with a special relationship with Steven Universe because of queer identity, this hits hard.

But it doesn't have to be anything grand to be something we respect--this show's authenticity comes largely from how personal everything is, drawn from real-life experiences and incidental truths from each artist's perspective, leaning hard on childhood and formative experiences.

Rebecca Sugar offers some interview bits to discuss writing philosophy and why "writing female characters" was difficult for a nonbinary person who'd been socialized as a girl and a woman. Rebecca has spoken before about how frustrating it is that marketing for cartoons was SO gendered when she was growing up (and to some extent still is).

The Gems in the story are all "she/her," but on their planet they're defined by their work, not by emotion or relationships (unlike women in our society), so having them be socialized opposite to how she was and be able to claim those emotions through choice and NOT as just an expectation "as women" was revolutionary. Rebecca wants her show to tell all marginalized people that they don't deserve to be in the margins.

Weighing in on other aspects of the show were Ian Jones-Quartey, Joe Johnston, and Miki Brewster. Ian describes feeling like at first doing SU was a thrill ride that meant they'd finally get to do all the cool stuff, but it quickly became a responsibility that he took very seriously--the need to tell a good story now that he'd been given a megaphone.

Promotional art, planning documents, character sketches, and concept art from the lighthearted to the stone serious is included, along with some very cool (sort of famous) timeline charts that track major characters' developments. It's emphasized by Rebecca that the developmental materials ARE NOT CANON (and especially are not MORE canon) compared the final show.

There are concept sketches alongside final art for Aquamarine and Topaz in "Wanted" (with Topaz labeled "Imperial Topaz"), the Zircons in "The Trial," Blue and Yellow Diamond, and the Off Colors (including Pink Lars).

And there's also a spread of "the two sides of Steven's life: Gem Magic and Rock N Roll" featuring Sadie Killer and the Suspects (referred to as "Buck's band")--as well as a cool "Crew Cameos" key and some concepts for short-haired Connie.

And then there's some more "finished" art with stills alongside concepts, including some background art, revision, and really cool "fairytale" art from some of the shadowplay storytelling bits. We get "Lars of the Stars," "Jungle Moon," and "Can't Go Back."

2. THE BEGINNING OF THE END: A SINGLE PALE ROSE

In discussing the huge reveals and Gem mysteries in the show, the pacing is examined, and emphasis is put on the intended "slow burn." One of the most difficult things in the show was to strategize so that every piece that was needed to support another piece in the future was placed properly to seed what it was supposed to.

Some of the ideas they developed were more of a group effort and were fit together collaboratively (like Amethyst's being younger than the other Gems and Jasper being from Earth), while others were intended from the beginning based on Rebecca's vision (the fundamental idea of Pink Diamond's true identity, for instance, as well as Obsidian's design and sword and our Pearl not being Pink's first).

The writing process gets a great deep dive here, including fun tidbits like how the orb in the moon base was inserted by Joe Johnston and they literally had no idea what it was for when they wrote the episode. They repurposed it when they figured out what they needed.

Rebecca credits her detailed timelines for helping keep the order straight, and discusses how other artists are sometimes flabbergasted that a storyboard-driven show can have this much detail and continuity and yet not get wrecked by the free non-scripted boarding process. But Rebecca and the Crew valued that approach and loved the way fresh eyes would handle an idea, making it come back alive, entertaining, vivid.

Several Crew members weigh in on the writing process. Lauren Hecht refers to making lots of incorrect guesses despite being on the inside. Joe Johnston recalled getting briefed on his first day and getting so excited to start working on this massive project.

Miki Brewster remembered being told Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond and being shocked--and also confused about why Ruby and Sapphire would need to be married if they're already basically married. Drew Green talks about being brought in late and getting to watch unaired episodes and a rough of the movie while eating cereal.

Ian Jones-Quartey complains about Pink Diamond's real jester-like form being leaked to the internet through a Hot Topic shirt. Rebecca piggybacks on that and says it was upsetting that the wedding was leaked because of toy fair keychains featuring Ruby and Sapphire in wedding attire. They'd always be worried about leaks, and sometimes Rebecca struggled not to talk about the reality of Pink Diamond before the reveal because she knew it would make so much more sense once the truth was out. And everything associated with Rose makes more sense once you know she's Pink--especially what happened with Bismuth, considering what we know about how Pink Diamond has a habit of treating anyone who no longer serves her interests.

When it comes to visual cues, Rebecca also talks about intentional designs to create a feeling of unity between concepts, like the flower shapes on Pink Diamond's palanquin lining up with the poofs of Steven's hair and the star imagery of the series. Steven Sugar and Mary Nash discuss how the Human Zoo incorporated this imagery, trying to look like Homeworld with a Pink Diamond touch.

Steven Sugar, as a game nerd, liked to throw in video game references from old and modern stuff to feel like he's inserting what he's enjoying and who he is from moment to moment, while Mary Nash, who related to Sadie as a basement-dwelling young person with cult interests, liked to include stuff from MST3K and cult movies. Pearl's hand gestures get a spotlight too--her reflex to cover her mouth when Pink Diamond was being discussed was analyzed here.

A "Top Secret Visual Timeline" from 2016 is included which tells us some Diamond history. It has an earlier version of Pink Pearl's fate and does not include Spinel since the movie hadn't been greenlit. The timeline includes the birth of the Diamonds, the emergence and major story beats for each major character, and some philosophy of the driving force behind each.

We're told that Pink Diamond straightened up, behavior-wise, after she lost her first Pearl, and that Yellow and Blue wanted to give her a planet but White only agreed to it to prove she would fail at managing a colony. Pearl, meanwhile, is so confused to have a Diamond who keeps asking her what she thinks when she doesn't believe she should have opinions.

And when Pink moonlighted as Rose to start conflict, she found herself leading an army to fight Pink's troops--then Yellow's, and eventually Blue's too. Lapis is said to be waiting for the conflict to end on Earth so she can terraform, but she gets trapped instead.

Pearl's love story with Rose is described as "an endless honeymoon" where she's free to love her, while Rose's is more like "I'm now the head of the family and I'm going to give everyone what they never had, so everyone is super special!"

Jasper is described as "adopted" into Yellow's army as the only successful Beta Quartz. And White Diamond knew that Pink Diamond was not dead--she thought she was just running away from home like a brat and would eventually be back.

3. THE HEART OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS

Now we discuss Rose Quartz--the original Pink Diamond. How she was selfish and selfless, never enough and always too much, and how Greg was her first partner who "challenged her" to be an equal. Rebecca describes Rose as being delighted by the idea that both she and Greg reinvented themselves, but when that leads her to want to share her past, Greg isn't interested--he only wants to know who she is now, and doesn't consider the old her to be her.

Rebecca likes Carl Jung's concept of "enantiodromia," which is the idea that extremes lead to their extreme opposite. This is demonstrated in all of the Diamonds. This narrative is interspersed with drawings of Greg and Rose being cute.

But another "heart" of the Crystal Gems is its relationships--particularly, Garnet, the fairy tale romance embodied. More psychological theories are discussed with regard to differentiation in a relationship making the relationship stronger, and how they made sure that happened for Garnet during the appropriate arc. Rebecca has struggled with the idea that she, like Ruby, went straight from a "family" group to a living-with-others situation and never lived by herself. But she also learned that you can in fact develop as a person in the context of a relationship--you don't have to be alone to do it. Ruby learned that too, and chose on her own terms to be with Sapphire.

The wedding made so much sense to Rebecca and the crew that they couldn't imagine a wholesome couple like Ruby and Sapphire not having a wedding episode. They wanted it for years: The wedding concepts always included the tuxedo for Sapphire and the wedding dress for Ruby.

But pushback (often blamed on the conservative standards of the international market) led to negotiations trying to keep Ruby and Sapphire's relationship from being explicit. Rebecca and the Crew were very tired of this double standard, and they were especially irritated by attempts to claim a wedding wouldn't be well received by a core demographic or wouldn't make sense for Steven's character. But other shows had done weddings and Steven had been established to love weddings already.

Rebecca kept adding more elements to the wedding episode to answer all the concerns, but she didn't want to back down from explicit marriage between these characters. They deserved it. And the audience deserved to see this as wholesome, like any other cartoon wedding. Eventually they got their way and were allowed to have the wedding. But the ordered episodes were also coming to a close without promise of more, so Rebecca had to request more episodes to be able to wrap up the storyline!

And of course, there is Steven, the true heart of the team. A very interesting aside discusses Garnet's leadership and how the network pushed the Crewniverse to acknowledge Steven as the leader. This was successfully resisted throughout as well--because Garnet is the leader (unless she's incapacitated, of course). It's fantastic that this concept was preserved because too often a young male chosen one is elevated above people with more experience and knowledge because of that chosen one tradition, so it's really nice to have a show acknowledge that team leadership is more appropriate for an adult.

4. ERA 3

Beginning with a discussion of the Diamonds, this chapter deconstructs the dysfunctional "family" of the Diamonds (who are said to be based on tropes about evil stepmothers and stepsisters), with the thread of dysfunction originating with White Diamond.

Yellow is physical, Blue is emotional, White is judgmental, and Pink is impulsive. Some philosophy on why Pink is naturally manipulative and why she clashes so much with White is offered.

White believes her identity is to be imposed on all because she is the pinnacle of what should be--and therefore, she has the right to make decisions and statements about and on behalf of everyone. But her secret is that she can't do what the others do--act or feel or want. In trying to be everyone, she is no one.

And this becomes very important when she confronts Steven about his identity and turns out to be wrong. The triumph of Steven being totally, fully himself is a beautiful, simple revelation that's described as far more satisfying than the theories about Pink living inside him or Rose returning from his Gem.

Also discussed is Gem architecture. A lot went into this idea, and Steven Sugar weighs in to say he had to think of what it would mean for a world to have buildings but serve no human needs. That's why it's mostly focused on transport and storage. Even the broken planet is meant to indicate a place stripped for its resources, and everything serves a function that is meant to avoid looking like the human equivalents.

And there's another layer, too: a difference between Era 1 and Era 2. Era 2 became more functional to hide Era 1's broken bits, and older Homeworld buildings still have some "ornate and ancient" feel to them. And the fact that props, tools, and even walls and doors could be living was taken from a concept Rebecca thought was horrible from old Busby Berkeley movies, where people were inanimate objects and it was portrayed as lovely. Tom Herpich helped conceptualize these living objects.

Steven dealing with "princess tropes" is discussed here too. The Pebbles (worked on with Pendleton Ward) were sort of his Cinderella's mice, and all the locked-in-a-tower, having supportive tiny friends help you, getting princess clothes made, attending a ball, having to mind your manners stuff was intentionally related to fairy tales.

The point of doing that (besides fun) was to easily invoke the feeling that Steven was being made to be someone he's not, and that he was being treated like THIS is who he really is when it isn't. White Diamond as the "evil stepmother" is discussed with regard to her detailed features and massive scale. They generally didn't put fingernails and eyelashes on characters (especially not to indicate that they were women or girls!), but they decided White would get all of these feminine markers for tradition's sake.

Rebecca also invokes several other references that were included and describes the princess tropes as "chipping away at his integrity" setting him up for the final challenge with White.

There is again tons of concept art: Homeworld architecture, Pebbles, Diamond diagrams, background Jades and Lemon Jade Fusion, Comby, Diamond extraction chambers, and White Diamond.

5. CHANGE YOUR MIND

Now we finally begin to discuss Steven's identity. The "Perfect Steven," discussed in several interviews before this book's release, was an idea back in 2013; the "ultimate Steven," beefed up and shonen-looking, was far from perfect because OUR Steven is perfect, while this alpha hero Steven idea (used in Steven Universe Future) didn't belong being idolized in such a show.

They thought about having Steven fall apart into organic half and Gem half early in the show (during "Giant Woman" after a successful fusion and unfusion, even!), but they didn't try the concept until the last episode. They didn't want the "Pink" Steven to be portrayed as "better" even though he would be more powerful, so they decided he isn't whole without his organic self and he's just as much of a shell as the organic half. They absolutely did not want any ending that required Rose to be inside him or waiting to come back. But the debates were fierce--what DOES it mean to have Rose's Gem?

Ian Jones-Quartey brings in an anecdote about his own family to emphasize some of the immigrant themes that inspired aspects of the show. He had a brother who reinvented himself elsewhere away from family without resolving issues, and all the ramifications of that were explored in the show through Rose Quartz. (He is careful to say he doesn't think his immigrant experience is like being from another planet!) But he did say you can hurt your old family even if they were toxic or didn't know the real you, and you can hurt your new family by hiding your past. The Pizza family of course was also a more direct reference to Ian's Ghanaian family.

In talking about the new Fusions from this episode, Sunstone is largely described by Miki, who also got to board the Sunstone section. Sunstone was described as a cool 1990s character and the evolution just continued into making them a fourth-wall-breaking PSA dispenser. Obsidian is also discussed, with their sword being an early concept. Steven Sugar said they totally knew it would be forged in action. Obsidian being similar to the Temple design is of course another very early detail.

The story of how James Baxter got involved with one of the final scenes (Organic Steven and Pink Steven fusing in front of White Diamond) was shared. His family was fans of the show and Rebecca Sugar took the time to drive to a birthday party for his daughter and give her a drawing. He then owed her a favor, and this was it.

Concept art is again included, this time with sample boards, promo images, a Diamond fight concept, costume design changes for the Gems, new Fusions, the so-called "Mega Diamond" ship conglomerate, some scenes from the White Diamond confrontation, Pink Steven, multiple pages of James Baxter animation, corrupted Gems and their healed selves, and photos from the "Change Your Mind" premiere and some awards. The show has won one design-related Emmy, a Peabody Award, and a GLAAD award.

6. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE

The book doesn't cover the movie because it got its own book, but dives right into Future. Ian Jones-Quartey emphasizes that the movie and Future are separate and different from the original show, which ENDED. After all, after that, Steven has a neck!

Some new names are invoked now: new writers Kate Tsang, Jack Pendarvis, and Taneka Stotts. They were excited to have Steven make HIS OWN mistakes instead of trying to clean up someone else's! Now, instead of doing the usual shonen anime thing and having the final battle be a big physical rumble, Steven has to make peace with himself and take an active role in coping with what all the fighting has done to him and what effect it's had on who he is (and who he wants to be). There is no sudden "I love myself!" answer, either. It's always a process.

Drew Green and Maya Petersen, who came on board as storyboarders officially in Future, also weighed in on writing for a "mature" show, how to deal with Steven being a "moral compass" while being sort of unreliable, and what they learned as Crew that they didn't know as fans. Drew didn't know Garnet never asks questions. Jack didn't realize the show never deviated from Steven's point of view. Taneka was nervous but excited to collaborate. Kate was worried about how established the show was and what to do as a new writer to contribute appropriately.

Maya was on the old Crew but not as a storyboarder, so felt like some of the "old" ideas ended up not being appropriate for the "new" Future in an embarrassing way--and dreaded the idea of dealing with Steven's emotional problems when they were similar to stuff she'd been through. She also was personally behind the idea of Steven wanting to dump his problems by becoming Stevonnie, and got to work with Etienne Guignard on inventing the Pearl creation backstory with Volleyball.

There's some discussion of "depression hobbies," stress, and the show's pacing. And they say Etienne was entertaining at pitches. There's even some discussion of how Greg is taken off a bit of a pedestal because his terrible restrictive life in the suburbs sounded wholesome to Steven and Greg presented it negatively.

And then there is some information about how the Crew felt behind the scenes due to fan reactions and negative press. Ian discusses feeling offended when the Black characters are described as bad examples, as if their cartoonized but realistic-in-context features are automatically caricatures.

Rebecca Sugar felt beaten down by some of these narratives and began to access mental health services, inspiring some of the content of "Mindful Education." A long reflection from Rebecca discusses people's infighting about her show and what she had a responsibility to show or not show in the story. She learned a lot about bullying from Cartoon Network's anti-bullying program and learned that bullies thrive on whatever attention you give them--unless it is made clear to them by a peer group that no one is impressed by their cruel actions. Also, not all negative feedback is bullying. Constructive criticism is different. Self-awareness can help you avoid internalizing what bullies might do or say to you.

Segueing from the discussion of how people are affected by and connect with the show, we then discuss how they chose as a team what should be covered as the show came to a close. They didn't have time to do quite a few stories they wanted time for, like a Rhodonite story, a Lars side story, and Diamond "prehistory" and religion; all of it was put aside for the main arc with Steven.

They thought people would find those stories about Homeworld and Off Color history very interesting, but so much of the show had been about Steven's Gem adventures, so keeping him mostly on Earth seemed appropriate. The acknowledgment of his battle damage, of his trauma, was necessary and real, and helpful in an important way to the core audience.

Oh, and there was some stuff about a cheeseburger tree. Don't ask.

In discussing the "reverse escapism" of the original show (Gem aliens are intrigued by everyday human culture, and realism is necessary), Rebecca says her views have changed on escapism and gets why some people want a soothing feel-better show. She acknowledged also that her own escapist dreams-come-true fulfilled in the show didn't feel like escapism because they were givens to the majority of mainstream culture, but were never guaranteed to marginalized people.

Rebecca ties in her several-times-told story about "Love Like You" and how the middle bit was when she didn't feel she was worth looking up to, and the realizations she had to tie the beginning to the end. Feeling like someone will like you less if they know you more is terrible. So sometimes a show like this can be helpful in telling people that they belong when their fantasies are things like "I want to be loved" and "I want to know I exist."

In Future, Steven has to connect to who he is and love that person--and understand that person enough to finally feel that even if he's not fixing their problems or saving their world right this second, Steven deserves his family's love and support, and they WANT to give it to him.

There's a huge amount of supplemental material in this section so there's no way I could name it all. The charts for Future's timeline are pretty straightforward, though a few episodes like "A Very Special Episode," "Why So Blue," "In Dreams," and "Bismuth Casual" aren't specifically represented and a couple are in a different order ("Prickly Pair" was conceived as happening after "Fragments" and "Homeworld Bound").

Steven feeling like a monster, having intrusive thoughts, having not forgiven the Diamonds, and getting help/moving on--it's all there.

We have keys, color scripts, and boards for the new opening and some various backgrounds and storyboard art from episodes. Model sheets for Shep, Nice Lapis and Mean Lapis, Jasper, Steven Tag Gems, Pink Steven Powers, Monster Steven. New house concepts, Era 3 Homeworld concept art for the Diamond environments, and background art for the Reef.

New Connie and Greg designs. Concepts for Mega Pearl, the Rose Quartzes, Bluebird, and Morganite (who didn't get used). And there are some photos from recording and the conference room. There are even some extras from "Crossover Nexus," the crossover with OK K.O.!--including an unused cut scene that included Ruby and Sapphire fighting. The rest of the book is a bunch of adorable Crewniverse art--extras, blog drawings, promos, and gifts to each other.

NOTABLE

1.

The first timeline chart in the book features a cool sketch of the original Off Colors, which at the time this planning document was drafted included unused Off Colors Flint and Chert.

We knew of their existence already because of an episode of the podcast, but these two unexpectedly appeared as incidental characters in the Steven Universe Future episode "Homeworld Bound," identified only in the credits. Sad to think that instead of banding with the Off Colors, these two were probably shattered for their crime (being Quartzes who don't want to fight) and that's why we see them being repaired in this episode. Later, there's some brainstorming for types of Off Colors and "a Ruby that wants to wear limb enhancers" is mentioned as well.

2. 

It looks like there was also originally more juice to the story of tracking down the events of the war culminating in Pink Diamond's assassination.

One of the timelines talks about Steven thinking it makes sense that Pearl can't talk about her involvement because she might have been a double agent, explaining why Rose Quartz always knew what Pink Diamond was doing. It seems like that bit was supposed to be included in Garnet's version of the story she believed in "Your Mother and Mine." Seems like they originally conceived Garnet's story to inspire the Off Colors to become pirates and freedom fighters, though in the show's canon this storytelling happened after Lars had already reinvented himself the way he did.

Sadie was also supposed to be sending letters to Lars via Steven, which is funny since the "Letters to Lars" episode is just a montage Steven letter. And of course it's specified that Steven was supposed to get Pink Diamond flashbacks by going to the Palace on Homeworld.

3. 

The second chart in the book makes references to Sadie's reinvention of herself as a parallel to Lars, Greg, and Pink Diamond all doing the same thing, and how positive it is to embrace such a thing--a version of yourself that YOU create.

I love that Yellow Diamond's arm ship arm-wrestling the Cluster was always part of the plan.

There's some more explicit direction to have Connie help Steven understand the Diamonds as "strict parents," and a lot more emphasis on everyone realizing Rose had been inspired by THEM rather than them all following her.

White Diamond is presented here as if she thinks of Pink Diamond as a "daughter" (whom she now understands she has "lost"). There are notes on how the Diamonds have a responsibility to their children and should attend to it before just continuing to make more.

4.

One of the concept art images for the Off Colors features Rhodonite crouching by Padparadscha saying "Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you." It's very interesting because she DOES seem to protect Padparadscha in the show, but doesn't seem confident about it in her final version, even though it does seem like she'd be "programmed" to guard aristocratic Gems because of her Ruby and Pearl makeup. Cool.

5.

A "Crew Cameos" spread was included, which is of great interest to some of us who loved seeing the Crew insert themselves into the show. Not every SU Crew person who's been represented in a crowd was there, but this crowd included Amish Kumar, Kat Morris, Amanda Winterstein, Angie Wang, Lamar Abrams, Emily Walus, Mary Nash, Joe Johnston, Christy Cohen, Danny Cragg, Hilary Florido, Danny Hynes, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, Elle Michalka.

6.

The official national flower of South Korea, Hibiscus syriacus, is the name of Pink Diamond's flower.

7.

One of Steven Sugar's comments about the silhouette difference between humans and Gems points out that humans have ears. This seems to be pretty good confirmation that they are not supposed to have ears, despite that sometimes we'll see ears drawn on them in some frames.

8.

Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is characterized in this book as "self-hating" in a really interesting way, saying that because she believed she was not capable of compassion, she practically worshiped those who demonstrated that ability and thought they were so much better than her--which is described as "intoxicating" and resulted in others being drawn to her. How interesting is that!

9.

Timelines reveal that early plans for Pink Diamond's first Pearl originally had her getting destroyed by Pink during  a game, and then her destruction was rewritten as a punishment from the Diamonds after Pink Pearl defended Pink Diamond to the other Diamonds. They went back to the idea of her getting hurt by Pink for the final version, though the cracked face and control by White Diamond was not on the agenda until they started writing "Change Your Mind."

10.

The approximate ages of the major characters, based on emergence, are revealed on these timelines. It begins with a cracked-planet-looking graphic depicting four tiny Diamonds emerging at 20,000 years ago. Some suspicious "blacked out" redacting surrounds a long timeline tail that goes back before that, which may mean there are secrets they still don't want to reveal. But the dates go like this:

20,000 years ago: The Diamonds emerge.

11,000 years ago: Pearl is custom-made for Pink Diamond.

8,000 years ago: Sapphire emerges (on Homeworld).

6,000 years ago: Ruby emerges (on a colony).

5,750 years ago: Garnet is formed.

5,600 years ago: Lapis is poofed and put in the mirror.

5,200 years ago: Jasper emerges (on Earth).

5,050 years ago: The Cluster is planted.

5,000 years ago: Amethyst emerges (on Earth).

4,500 years ago: The Crystal Gems found Amethyst.

3,000 years ago: Peridot emerges (on Homeworld).

40 years ago: Pearl found Lapis's mirror at the Galaxy Warp.

And of course we know 14 years ago Steven is born!

11.

Originally the Diamonds were based on a quartet of themes: Love, Fear, Pride, and Sorrow. It got too complicated to keep and it was abandoned, with Pink's identification of "love" being described as "particularly outdated."

12.

Notes on a sketch say that Pearl was inspired to become bold and unashamed because Pink's questions drove her to have opinions, and it's said that Rose "fell in love" with her boldness.

13.

Rebecca tells the story of driving off a ridge and getting stuck in the desert, comparing this to Ruby's tumble during her Wild West adventure and using it as inspiration. She's told this story before but here it is in print. She also included the story about using the flowers from a friend's wedding to put in Ruby's hair.

14.

Rebecca describes having to "fight" notes she was given when it had to do with Ruby and Sapphire's relationship. One she describes as NOT fighting was for a signing card depicting Ruby and Sapphire dancing. It was called "too romantic" and she decided not to worry about it since it wasn't the actual show content.

She was also scolded over her book The Answer because the powers that be expected her to downplay that relationship. She always argued that queer youth deserved these things.

15.

Tom Herpich describes being inspired to name Blue Diamond's comb "Comby" because he was watching the news about Comey getting fired from the FBI. It's also a mineral-related term and I always assumed that reference was intentional, but maybe it's not and this is the only intended significance to Comby's name?

16.

Rainbow Quartz 2.0's design is not discussed, though the other two new Fusions from "Change Your Mind" (Sunstone and Obsidian) were. RQ2 has some sketches included, but no accompanying narrative in the text.

17.

A sheet of corrupted Gems and their healed selves is offered, though it doesn't appear to be final. The obelisk in "Serious Steven" is labeled Albite. The unnamed Worm Monster, Desert Glass, and Watermelon Tourmaline are included. An unnamed birdlike Gem represents the Big Bird monster from "Giant Woman." The crab monster from "Arcade Mania" is labeled Blue Chalcedony. The Tongue Monster is drawn uncorrupted but not named. The Flower Monster from "Back to the Kindergarten" is labeled Grossular Diopside or Titanite. The invisible monster from "Island Adventure" is labeled Moonstone. The Lighthouse Gem is labeled White Topaz. A form for Larimar that was used in "Change Your Mind" but changed in Future is there. The Slinker is listed as Chrysocolla. And the Crab Monster is listed as Aventurine.

On the next page, this is changed to Bixbite (as it was in Steven Universe Future), and we then also have Lace Amethyst, Blue Lace Agate, Crazy Lace Agate (Fusion), Ocean Jasper, the Mother Centipeetle Nephrite (Facet 413 Cabochon 12) and three other Nephrites, Angel Aura Quartz, a hooded Jasper, Zebra Jasper, Biggs Jasper, Watermelon Tourmaline (labeled as Fusion of Gem * Onion--huh?), Snowflake Obsidian, "Little" Larimar, and Orange Spodumene (who was the Worm).

18.

The Rhodonite side story would have been about the love story of a Ruby and a Pearl working for Morganite. Images of Morganite and her servants, unfused, are in the book. We do not get this additional information, but Rebecca said in a panel shortly before the book's release that Rhodonite's story would have been about finding out that she had been Rejuvenated 17 times because her components kept falling in love and needing to be reset.

19.

Referring to the Diamonds on one of the charts, Steven's perspective is "I can't believe I helped these" and then there's a censor bar. Welp.

20.

Some included art by Hilary Florido features Kevin with a souped-up Koala Princess car and another where Kevin is staring at himself in the mirror in front of an altar to himself.

21.

Rebecca's sweater collection is included in the Crew art.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[resident-of-storybrooke]

Nothing Good Happens After 2AM (Ch 4)

Rating: M (finally earning that for this chapter)

Words: 2900

Read: ao3, ff.net CH 1 CH 2 CH 3

Summary: Emma took Killian home for the holidays as a fake date. Things seemed to be going well…until it didn’t. What happens when two fools in love didn’t confess their love over the holidays like they planned and have to go back home to reality? This. This is what happened…(A twist on fake dating during the holidays)

AN: Well....shit lol here we finally are! I wish I had a good reason for the year and a half delay. Honestly, I got one not so great review and it shook me a bit and I was already iffy about writing. But thank you to so many incredible souls being so encouraging and supporting me to get back into writing. Thank you to @kmomof4​ who read all four chapters and edited them (make sure to check them out). I really hope you enjoy this last part as I’m so happy to finally have this out for you all. A very late and final contribution to @csjanuaryjoy

tagging some of the fam squad (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @kymbersmith-90 @let-it-raines @artistic-writer @hollyethecurious @hookedonapirate @carpedzem @nowforruin @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @thesschesthair @teamhook​ @winterbaby89​ @zaharadessert​ @stahlop​ @ultraluckycatnd @blowmiakisscolin​ @peggyswan​ @jrob64​ @klynn-stormz​​ @tiganasummertree​ @batana54​ @pirateprincessofpizza​​

ALL THE LOVE

Ruby made her way back up to the party, excited to see how the rest of the night would play out after her phone call to Emma. As she made her way back into Killian’s apartment she saw the Nolans as they gestured rather animatedly. Then Ruby rounded the corner and looked in to see who they were yelling at. 

Shit. 

It was Killian. 

And from the looks of it they were letting Killian have it. And he was just standing there taking it.  

What the hell did he get into in the last five minutes to warrant this? Ruby was both concerned, but mostly entertained because the sweet sunshine Charmings never yelled. She strolled into the kitchen with a grin, figuring she would enjoy the show. That was until the furious couple saw her - apparently she was their new target. 

“Ruby Elizabeth Lucas! You have a lot of explaining to do.”

Ruby was confused to say the least. How the hell was she involved in... whatever this was? 

“Um...I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“Bullshit, Ruby!” She was completely taken back, Mary Margaret never swore. “You just told me that Emma thought Killian was dating Elsa. And last time I checked Killian and Emma have been together for the last three months. So please, explain yourself. Now.”

“I feel like it’s not really my place,” she said, darting her eyes toward Killian, but she could tell no one was buying it. “Listen, Snow White and Prince Charming, your poor sister felt pressured to bring a date home for the holidays. She and Killian decided to go to Ruth’s and tell y’all they were dating so you’d back the hell off. And it worked and everything was fine. Then Elsa showed up and spooked Emma because she thought she lost her chance with him. Because shocker,” she looked fiercely at Killian and had to restrain herself from smacking him upside the head, “they’re both in love with each other and are being absolutely idotic and not telling the other the truth.” She turned back toward the stunned silent Charmings, “And you two are not helping the cause!”

Killian looked up in complete shock, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hair. The Nolans stood gaping at her, obviously not expecting her brutal honesty. 

“Listen,” Ruby took a deep breath. “Cut them some slack. You two were acting like Emma was going to turn into some crazy old spinster if she didn’t find a date soon. Also, you two act as though you are a literal fairytale couple.” She shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard to live up to your kind of love.”

As David stood in shock, Mary Margaret finally spoke up. “We went too far, didn’t we?” That’s when she turned to Killian. “We’re sorry, Killian. We shouldn’t have ever put you in this situation. We love you, we love Emma, and that wasn’t fair...I hope you can forgive our behavior this evening.”

Just as Killian was about to speak up, the door opened revealing an out of breath Emma Swan.

Emma was confused by the odd looks she was receiving as her welcome. She should be used to their bizarre behavior at this point, but this felt different. 

As she made her way over to the group her nerves set back in. She was here to tell Killian the truth. She was going to finally confess her love for her best friend. On his birthday. What could possibly go wrong?

“Right, well, this has been fun. Perhaps we should give these two some alone time.” Ruby elbowed the couple so Emma and Killian could have a moment.

As Emma walked towards Killian she finally took in her surroundings and realized how packed the apartment was. “I wish there were less people here…”

“Why, Swan? I love large parties, they’re so intimate. At small parties-”

“-there isn’t any privacy. I like it when you quote things to me.” Looking at him, she realized how close they were. She wasn’t even aware of her own movement toward him. Then she looked into his blue eyes. She missed them. 

She missed him. 

They stood there, taking each other in. It’d been weeks since they’d been together, really together. Neither one knew how to start. 

“Emma, you came.”

She wished in that moment she had something poetic to respond with, but that wouldn’t be Emma. “That’s what she said.”

The two instantly burst into laughter, the tension dying with every laugh. 

“I missed you, Swan.” Killian reached his hand out to tuck a loose strand behind her ear, Emma leaned into his touch. 

“I missed you too. I’m so sorry I ran…I wish I had a good excuse, but I don’t. I wanted to tell you so many times how I felt. I was going to tell you. On New Year's Eve. I was finally going to tell you. I had this whole plan. It was a good plan. And then Ruby fucking decided to be Chef Julia Child and give me food posioning. And then...I saw how happy you looked with Elsa and I thought, I thought, I’d lost my chance with you.” Emma finally found the courage to look up when she finished.

Killian’s eyes were full of unshed tears. When Emma opened her mouth to try and say something to break the tension Killian wrapped his arms around her. Emma finally took a breath. A breath she had been holding for weeks. He didn’t hate her. 

“Emma, my love, I promise nothing happened with Elsa. She was Liam’s fiance. She’s an old friend and nothing more. You though...you’re so much more than that. I’ve been a coward. I’ve hidden behind our friendship, behind the lie we told your family, and I will not do that any longer. I’ve had three words on the tip of my tongue since the night we met, I swear, and I will not waste another minute without you hearing them.”

Emma extracted herself from his grasp. “Before you do, I have something for you.” 

Killian lets out a sigh, “Really? Right now?”

Without another word Emma pulled the small red box from her clutch and handed it to Killian. He looked at her with curious eyes. “It’s your birthday, open the damn thing, Jones.”

“So demanding. Now what do we have here? It's a-” 

He stopped.  

Mistletoe. 

It was the most infuriating object that haunted his dreams - well, besides Emma. That trip to her home, the infernal garnish was everywhere. 

There was that kiss.

God, that kiss. He relieved it daily, prayed that it wasn’t the last kiss he’d ever share with Emma. Up until this moment he was convinced that would be the case.

“Well, Swan, this is quite the gift. I don’t know exactly what to say.” He scratched behind his ear, a nervous tick they were both well aware of. 

“I, um, do you wanna see if it works?” Killian’s eyes shot up to Emma.

“Well, love, seems only right I try it out with you since you were the one that gave me such a generous gift. Shall we...”

Emma cut him off with a bruising kiss, it caught him a little off guard, but it only took a moment for him to catch up. Killian didn’t give a damn that there was a party going on around them. He finally had Emma in his arms. Emma’s hands wandered to the nape of his neck, holding on for dear life. Killian’s hands roamed down her sides before anchoring on her hips, holding her tightly against him. He cursed the fact that Emma was wearing a dress, even if she did look bloody gorgeous in the tight red piece. He couldn’t wait to have that blasted thing on his floor.

They finally broke for air, still clinging to one another, foreheads touching. Killian was ready to dive back in when he looked up and remembered they weren’t alone. Mary Margaret was crying, Ruby was cheering, and David looked slightly annoyed but Killian saw the small smile he was trying but failing to hide. 

“Come on, love. I think it’s time we faced the vultures. And I’d like you to meet Elsa, if that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a pretty good idea, Captain.” Emma reached down and grabbed Killian’s hand before they walked over. 

Maybe the trope board wasn't wrong after all. 

CSCSCSCSCSCSCSCS

As the party went on, Killian and Emma were inseparable; the two constantly touching the other. At one point, while talking to Mary Margaret and David, Emma laid her head on Killian's shoulder, something she'd done a million times, but this time Killian placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

The two were in their own happy bubble. They pretended to be engaged with those around them, but they couldn't ignore but feel the sparks ignited with each touch.  

"So, Emma? It's nice to finally meet you. I'm sorry for the miscommunication. I feel as though that was my fault." Emma was confused on how Elsa seemed to be privy to their issue, but then she saw Mary Margaret across the room and assumed her friend had filled her in.

"Please, don't be. I was...scared I lost my chance with Killian."

"Oh, honey. I don't think you could ever lose this one." Killian squeezed Emma closer to prove her point. 

Turns out Elsa was hilarious and had wonderfully embarrassing stories about Killian. Emma had a feeling the two were going to be good friends after tonight. 

The party eventually wound down a little after one, slowly the various couples left. That's when Emma realized she was alone with Killian. 

Finally. 

Suddenly, Emma felt her nerves grow. They'd declared their love and haven't left the others' side since, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. She absentmindedly threw out some empty cups as she tried to plan her next move.

"Love," Killian called for her from the living room, "can you come here?" Emma slowly made her way into the room as Killian stretched out his arms to embrace her. 

"Emma, I...I know that tonight has been a lot. Our relationship has always been a lot. And I know the future is uncertain, but there's one thing I want you to be certain of - I will always be by your side. For as long as you'll let me, my love."

She didn't even know a tear had slipped until Killian pulled back to wipe it. 

"I haven't always made things easy. I get spooked easily, but I'm tired of running. I want to be with you, Killian. I love you."

"And I you, my beautiful Swan." 

The kiss started off slowly, different than the one earlier, but no less passionate. Emma brought her hands around Killian's neck, playing with the nape of his hair. As Killian kissed down her neck, Emma didn't recognize the noises that escaped her mouth.

As their kisses continued, Emma was surprised when Killian's legs hit the couch and he fell down. She hadn’t been aware that they moved. Emma said she was tired of running, and she was ready to show him. So she straddled his legs and hovered over him for just a moment.

They felt like teenagers again, making out on a couch like this. She could feel him harden beneath her, driving her wild. But, it wasn't enough, she needed more. Emma started unbuttoning his shirt, the bastard already had the top three undone. Without a second thought, she began to rake her fingers through the coarse black hair. 

"I've been dying to do this since we first met. So soft," she murmured. Killian found a spot behind her ear that made her mewl. Emma brought her lips to his ear, "I've always wondered how it'd feel against my breasts." 

With that, Killian pulled back. "My love, are you sure? We can wait. Because once I have you, I'm never going to let you go." Emma nodded slowly. As she looked into his eyes, she could barely see a trace of blue. His pupils were blown. 

Before Emma could stand, Killian wrapped his arms around her to carry her to his bedroom. He only ran into the wall twice as Emma was no doubt leaving marks on his neck. Killian gently placed her in the middle of the bed. 

"I always swore that if we got here, I would worship every inch of you."

"Killian, please, worship later. I need you now."

"Just a taste. Patience, darling." Killian was beyond thankful at that moment Emma had opted for a dress as he quickly removed her thong.  

Before she could speak, he brought his mouth to her sex. "You're already drenched for me. You..fuck...you taste delicious."

Emma couldn't speak, he was overwhelming in every sense of the word. She grabbed a fistful of his hair, not that she needed to guide him; he knew exactly what he was doing. 

Killian replaced his mouth with two fingers. "That's it, Emma. You look so beautiful like this. I want you to come for me, darling. Come and then I'll give you what you really want."

His voice was deeper, accent thicker. Emma had a feeling she could finish from his voice alone, but right now, it was his fingers and mouth that were going to do the trick. 

Emma lost all control of her limbs as he sent her over the edge. He didn't let up though, he continued slowly licking as she came back down. As her breathing returned to normal, Killian kissed up her body. 

"Worship later, Killian,” she moaned again. “Please. I need you. Now."

"So demanding, Swan,” he observed, taking his pants and boxer briefs off. “I think I like this side of you, all in a commanding voice, chills really." 

He climbed back on top of her, but instead of responding, Emma hooked her legs around Killian and flipped him, so he laid on his back. He looked up in awe, he had never been so turned on than in this moment. 

Emma decided she was tired of waiting, but before she could sink down Killian stopped her. "Give me a moment, let me grab something, I -"

"I'm clean, and I'm on the pill. I...I don't want anything between us."

"Gods, Emma. If you're sure? I'm good too, I haven't been with anyone since...since we met." 

Emma dove down to meet his lips as she sank down onto him. Killian swallowed her gasp as she adjusted to his size. Of course, he lived up to every innuendo, and Emma couldn't be happier for that than in this moment. 

For first times, they were both surprised with how easy it was to fall into rhythm with the other. There were only a few slightly awkward moments, but that didn't stop them from enjoying this moment. Emma's hips met Killian's with each thrust, quickly driving the other wild. 

"So fucking glorious, Emma. You're so tight like this. Ride my cock, such a good girl. I want to feel you come around me this time. You're stunning when you come. That's...fuck... that's it Emma, take what you need, darling."

Before Emma could even respond, Killian decided it was her turn to be flipped on her back. "Now, if I remember correctly, you wanted to know how it feels with me on top."

"That's, ugh, that's not exactly what I said. But I'm not complaining."

Emma felt that familiar sensation growing in her stomach as Killian's pace intensified. "Killian, I'm close. Together, I wanna -"

"Aye, love, together."

Killian felt her tighten around him as she moaned out in ecstasy, pulling him right after her. He gave her a searing kiss as he spilled himself inside of her. Killian fell on top of her, too exhausted to worry about crushing her for a moment. 

"Killian? As much as I love how, uh, close we are now, do you think you can move? I can't breathe, and I need to clean up."

"Oi, you're gonna give a man a complex!" Killian slowly rolled off her, in awe of the glow Emma radiated at the moment. Emma couldn't help but giggle as he was being an annoying ass, but mostly he was still...Killian. 

They were still them. Except they just had mind-blowing sex. 

She could get used to this new addition to their relationship. 

"Stay here, love. Let me." Killian was back in a moment and helped clean Emma. When he finished, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, just like before. 

"What is it, Swan?"

"Nothing, I'm just happy. It's just so surprising."

"Aye, love, me too. But this doesn't change anything. I've loved you for years now, and we'll go at whatever pace we both see fit, but I'm in this for the long haul."

"As am I, Captain."

The two laid in bed, cuddled close, and shared lazy kisses. When Emma looked at the clock, she saw it was nearly three in the morning. A few weeks ago, Emma had thought nothing good happened after two am; it turns out she was wrong. 

"Swan? Can you tell me what the bloody hell a trope board is?"

[dclsbaby]

traitor - Dominic Calvert-Lewin 🦋

Summary: you reflect on your relationship, realised you've been wronged and should've trusted your gut

Warnings: mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 2.1k

masterlist

Brown guilty eyes and,

Little white lies,

I played dumb, but I always knew

That you talked to her, maybe did even worse

I kept quiet so I could keep you

It’s his green-hazel eyes that dissipate every logic, every sense of reason you had. It’s the way he would roll over to your side of the bed each morning to savour another 5 minutes before he has to leave, that made you feel yearned for and wanted. It’s the lingering kisses on your neck, on each shoulder and collarbone, that convinced you you’re the only one. It’s the grand dreams shared with you about your future together, filled with kids and their tiny jerseys, that made you believe his little white lies.

You had ignored the tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach that felt nothing like the butterflies you experienced on your first date with Dom. The feeling told you to succumb to your suspicions and unlock his phone, scroll through his messages and social media interactions. No, the feeling demanded you to swipe his phone, lock yourself in the bathroom, overstep boundaries, and find evidence of another woman. But that wasn’t who you are. You respected boundaries, and decided against it. You loved him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The paranoia began to grow when you noticed the little things, such as the way he would put his phone screen-side down on the counter, or the way he brought it everywhere like it’s a part of him, even in the bathroom, or that he wouldn’t leave its sight when it's being charged. Then, these signs started getting stronger and more frequent. He’d get phone calls when you’re having dinner and every time you ask who it is, you’re always met with, “No one important enough to take me away from you,” and a kiss to suppress your suspicions.

Does he have anything to hide? You often ask yourself. Do I really want to know? Another voice asks.

You knew, deep down, that your gut was right. You knew what was happening behind your back.

It’s always the girl they tell you not to worry about.

You were first introduced to her one evening at a club event. Dom referred to her as the ‘girl with the magic hands’, to which you cringed at the innuendo. That was the first warning sign you ignored. Although shortly after exchanging names, you learned that she works at the training ground as a masseuse. Magic hands, makes sense, you thought. It did not make you feel better though.

You could see her appeal. You could imagine Dom and his teammates steal a glance, their eyes lingering much longer than they should. You could hear the locker room talk, words of adoration spilling from their mouths. Her charm is magnetising. She’s bubbly, she’s awfully kind. But did she really have to look like she could be on the cover of Playboy circa 2004 too? Though her beauty’s not your lack, it did not help with your brewing paranoia.

You can’t help but think she’s the reason he’s been staying back late at the training ground, why he comes home wearing a different shirt to the one he left with in the morning, and why he doesn’t talk about his day much anymore, as it probably mostly consisted of being lathered up in oil and getting sensual massages by a hot masseuse. The thought always made you sick to your stomach.

The overthinking had convinced you he had been seeing another woman right in front of you this whole time. But pretending that everything’s alright was so much easier than the inevitable confrontation, the accusation, the fight, the ending. So you kept quiet so you could keep him, and live in the false fairytale you try so hard to become reality.

Until you couldn't anymore.

—

And ain't it funny how you ran to her

The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

You and Dom stayed friends after your relationship ran its course, for the first couple of weeks, at least. The days leading up to the break up were plagued with arguments over the little things like missing dinner plans and not keeping the room tidy, which led to bigger fights where you accused him of not being in love with you. Of course, he vehemently denied this, but you thought he didn’t fight for you enough. He didn’t push back, he didn’t give you a reason to stay, and that was enough for you to know that your relationship never stood a chance. You could handle disagreements and a few fights, but when you’ve been led to question your own worth—it’s done.

In the end, it was a mutual break up. It made sense, he needed to focus on his football and the constant fights weren’t helping his concentration. It was hard for him to leave each morning knowing you both went to bed angry, and although he would spend the drive home practicing his apologies, he would come home to find you fast asleep in bed before he could even make amends. As for you, well, you had to look for love elsewhere.

All seemed well until he turned more and more sour by the day. Sure, you didn’t expect to be glued to his hip at all times, or be the best of friends—you two broke up for a reason. But what you did not expect were the bitter remarks, the one-word replies, the sarcastic comments that portrayed the antithesis of who he was when he was with you.

Now you bring her around just to shut me down

Show her off like she's a new trophy

And I know if you were true

There's no damn way that you

Could fall in love with somebody that quickly

It all made sense when you began receiving texts from your friends attached with a photo of him with a young fan. You thought it was odd, why were you sent pictures of your ex with a fan, of all things? But there she was, in the background of the photo. Of course. Of course it was her.

More pictures started coming through of both of them in his black Range Rover driving around town, having coffee at your favourite coffee shop. You curse at him, now you have to find a new place to get your coffee. The pictures that stung the most were of the pair of them driving to the training centre together. Imagine the sight of a new couple in town pulling onto the Finch Farm carpark. You knew it wasn’t just a friendly carpool. She’s been staying on my side of the bed, you thought. Meanwhile, you’re still seeking the warmth from his side of the bed.

It dawned on you how much of a fool you’ve been. You feel angry for not trusting your gut, for letting yourself get played, for letting yourself take the beatings from people who had accused you for being with him for his money when it was you who was taken advantage of. If the love he had for you was true, it wouldn’t have taken him that quickly to find someone new.

—

You sat on your sofa for hours. Waiting to feel something other than numbness, the tingling sensation on the tip of your fingers from the shock is no longer there. The numbness eventually turned to chills, so you reach for a blanket in the woven basket next to the sofa. You wrap yourself into a cocoon, though all you wanted was to be a butterfly, spread your wings, and fly away. Pathetic. Even my metaphors remind me of him.

Feeling sorry for yourself, you sluggishly stood up and dragged your body to the kitchen and pulled out three different bottles of alcohol from the cupboard—ignoring what a senior had told you in uni to never mix alcohol unless you want to get absolutely wasted. You grab the glass from the top shelf, a cocktail shaker that came with the set your friend had got you for a secret santa gift, and make yourself a drink. One drink turned to two, to three. Then, you started watching recipe videos on YouTube on how to make a pornstar martini, which led to another two. 5 drinks in total. Lucky number 5.

After making a mess on the kitchen island, feeling delirious, you stumble across your flat, bumping a table on your way back to the living room, leaving a bruise on your hip that will hurt in the morning. The alcohol running through your veins giving you the urge to belt out a ballad and pour your heart out, so you somehow managed to open your music and play a song.

Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded?

Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?

You belted every word, not caring if your neighbours could hear you drunkenly sing the words to a depressing ballad about not being enough for a boy.

Realising with what’s left of your consciousness that your balance is becoming unsteady, you stagger your way to your bedroom, extending your arms, careful to not run yourself into any walls.

Upon reaching your bedroom, you undress yourself into just a bra and underwear and dive face first into your made up bed, curl up under the warm covers, and blankly stare at the ceiling. The lights appear as though it’s duplicating with every blink—you could’ve sworn there were only two.

With each passing second, you begin having flashbacks of him. Images of the bedroom you once shared which looks nothing like the room you’re in now tattooed in your brain. Whispers of “I love you,” and “you’re the love of my life,” haunt you as you try to shut your ears with your hands, desperate to rid of his voice. You feel angrier and angrier by the minute, waves of sadness taking over your body. You wanted him to know how you felt. You wanted him to know how badly he’s hurt you, something your sober self would never admit.

So you do what your gut tells you, no sense of reason in the way to stop you from unlocking your phone, scrolling until you’ve reached ‘D’ on your contact list, and clicking the name you’re looking for.

*ring*

*ring*

Pick up.

*ring*

You asshole, pick up.

*ring*

*ring*

Fuck this, I—

“Hello,” a hoarse voice answers. You inhale a sharp breath.

His voice. The exact voice you hear every morning at 6:45am as he kisses you goodbye.

“You, you betrayed me,” you slurred as you made your way to your bedroom. He takes the phone off his ear to look at the Caller ID again, squinting at the bright light. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Dom jolted at your voice, the concern in his voice ever so clear, afraid that you might not be okay.

“And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt,” your speech slows down with every syllable, ignoring his question. The sound of his breath tickles your ear, making you squirm a little. On the other line, there he was, awake from his sleep, listening silently to your drunken voice, his heart breaking all over again. “(Y/N), have you been drinking?” he asks, though he knows the answer.

“You talked to her when we were together,” finally throwing the accusation you never would’ve said to his face. He finally put together why you were not yourself towards the end of the relationship, you were convinced he was cheating on you. “I never—it has always been you, only you,” you ignore him. “I promise”, he whispers softly, trying to convince you with what’s left of his heart. He wants you to believe him so badly, but he doesn't know what else to say. Pain revisits him each time he tries to convince you that you’re the only one he’s ever been in love with.

“Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter,” you laugh humourlessly, remembering all the times you wanted to be assured, to be convinced that you were the only one, but his actions suggest otherwise and your paranoia ate you alive. He didn't fight for you even when it was the last straw.

“You gave me your word,” alluding to each time he would tell you that no one else compares to you, each time he made promises about your future together. “It took you two weeks to go off and date her”, you accuse him. “I’m not with anyone,” he says under his breath, knowing you’re too drunk to remember what he says.

“(Y/N)?” Dom asks when he couldn’t hear anything from your end. “Please, can we talk, I—“ “God, I wish that you had thought this through,” you cut him off, your eyes getting heavier by the second, “before I went and fell in love with you”.

There it was. The sentence that ripped him to shreds. The idea that you might have regretted him, regretted being in love with him broke him to bits. He hadn’t realised the damage he’d done during your relationship, and what he did after your break up was unnecessary. He knew what it would look like, to be seen out with her. But he did it anyway to hurt you.

After consuming way too much alcohol, your body feels it’s full effect as your phone slips from your hand and you cave into your tired body.

He hears a loud thump on the other line.

“(Y/N)? Are you there? I—I still love you, can you hear me?”

Line’s dead.

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[jnlnyaface]

The Rise of Skywalker...Thoughts...

I finally bit the bullet and saw “The Rise of Skywalker” in theaters. I have some thoughts...

Spoilers Obviously!!!!!

My general review is that the whole time I was in the theater all I could think about was how much better it would’ve been if this movie and “The Last Jedi” were combined and divided in two. By that I mean, there were so many things in this movie that would’ve worked better if they were done in the 2nd movie and then built upon in this one. There were things in the 2nd movie that I thought would’ve worked great in this one. 

Have you ever taken a creative writing class and the teacher gives you a sentence to start a story and 2 mins to write. When your time is up you pass the paper back and continue the story the person in front of you wrote on their paper. And you keep going until everybody in your row has written a piece of each story. Do you remember reading that story and how one kid turned it into a fairytale and then the next into a horror show? And the last kid was left to try to put a bow on it and call it one cohesive story?That’s what this trilogy felt like. 

Here are some quick thoughts before we dive in:

1. Finn being force sensitive *chef’s kiss*

2. Poe-Finn-Rey relationship = actual gold

3. I can now understand why people ship Poe and Finn

4. Even though the story was all over the place the effects with Rey and the Emperor were creepy in a good way

5. Overall I wasn’t as disappointed as I thought I would be but there’s so much that could have been done to make it better.

More under the cut!

Ok guys! Here’s where we do the deep dive. I’m pretty much going to outline all the problems I had with the film, why and what I think they could have done to make it better.

1. The whole Rey Palpatine thing - even though I (and many other people) wasn’t the biggest fan of “The Last Jedi” (because it was just one long car chase where nothing really happened) I did like the idea that Rey didn’t come for a force sensitive family. 

I thought it would be cool if the stronger Kylo got on the dark side, Rey got equally as strong on the light side to keep balance in the force. (Like the force itself chose someone to keep balance, someone random) I didn’t like the way it was handled, him just saying it in an offhand way, but I thought it was a good choice. To backtrack and have her be Palpatine’s granddaughter was more than a little ridiculous and way too rushed. If they would’ve introduced this possibly in one of the last two movies that would’ve been fine. But a third movie plot twist? Why?

2. Finn - There are some topics in my life that I feel like I could literally write a college level dissertation on and the treatment of Finn is this trilogy is definitely one of them. Finn was teased so heavily before “The Force Awakens” and ended up being a misdirect for Rey being the real hero/chosen one. I was ok with that because Rey and Finn were so intent on being together. That meant, to me, that throughout the trilogy they would be with each other. They became each other’s family and they weren’t going to let the other go. Then TLJ happened and they were seperated for most of the movie. Why would you separate characters with such great chemistry? (They actually separated all three of the main trio in their own storylines. The problem with this? They never got a chance to be all together and build up their bond (as a trio) before they’re separated.) 

This would’ve been fine (ish) if Finn’s storyline wasn’t a side quest of epic proportions. He’s one of the MAIN CHARACTERS and he went to a planet to get a thing for reasons. WTF?! (I will concede he did have some ok character development but it didn’t happen until the very end of the movie) Then they hint that he’s force sensitive and do nothing with it. I’m with the group that believes he moved the rocks at the end of TLJ when he ran to Rey and that was the first hint of his force sensitivity. I was hoping he would be training with her by the time the 3rd movie started (it was a long shot but one can dream). It’s obviously more explicit in TROS but nothing comes of it. He doesn’t have some big moment where he uses his powers and saves someone. He doesn’t have some confusing moment where he’s wondering what’s happening to him. Nothing! He just senses some stuff and exists. 

He really doesn’t even add much to the plot of the movie itself. He’s once again benched but they give him busy work to make it seem like he’s actually contributing. John Boyega is an excellent actor and their underuse of him is criminal. 

3. The Knights of Ren - Soooooo..... What’s up guys? In the first movie they talk about Kylo and his Knights of Ren being amazing then in the second movie they are never mentioned. Now in TROS they are there lurking in the shadows and....doing nothing. They seemed like they would be these fierce badasses but they get beat while by Kylo while he pretty much has one hand tied behind his back. Wha...

4. Kylo and Rey - I have very many problems with Kylo and Rey. Like so so so many. My biggest one is the kiss. Not necessarily that it happened just that it made zero sense. Yes they had a connection throughout the trilogy but why would that have to translate to romance? Why is it that when a female hero tries to redeem a male villain (or anti-hero) it means she wants to smash? Rey should have been allowed to want to save Kylo/Ben without having to fall for him. I asked a question on here a while back (when I was still contemplating whether or not I wanted to go see the movie). 

I asked why people ship/started shipping Reylo. None of the answers I got gave me an “aha” type moment. You know that moment when you’re like “oh I get it now” (not that it changes your mind about the couple just that you understand why that person likes them so much). I didn’t get that at all for the answers I got. Some people said “because of their connection through the force” and I’m like ok...and? Why does that mean romance? 

I have never seen him as anything more that a homicidal villain. I always thought their connection was a way for the audience and Rey to get to know Kylo so he wouldn’t be some one dimensional villain. I never saw them in a romantic light. In my opinion that final kiss could’ve been a hug and it would’ve had the same effect. (Or he could’ve just died. I would’ve been fine with that too)

5. Kylo Redemption - My problem with his “redemption” arc is that he didn’t earn it. He literally started the movie taking out an entire battalion by himself to get the pyramid thing. In the first movie he ordered his troops to destroy a whole village of innocent people. After killing Snoke he didn’t disband the first order he just took over and reaffirmed his commitment to the dark side. He killed his father, tortured Rey and Poe and the only reason why he wanted to help Palpatine was to get the fleet he was offering. But then in the 3rd(?) act Leia dies, Rey almost kills him, he has a conversation with the ghost/memory of his dad and suddenly he wants to be a good person again? Kylo is dead and Ben is just back? 

The thing is (in my opinion) every great redemption story starts with the person admitting they were wrong and asking for forgiveness. Then putting in the work to earn that forgiveness. Or at least acknowledging they were wrong and dying for the greater good. But Kylo/Ben never acknowledge the mistakes he made, he never asked for forgiveness, he didn’t do anything the showed he should be redeemed. (But he didn’t shoot on Leia’s ship in TLJ and he and Rey fought together on Snoke’s ship) wow he did one not terrible thing and fought with Rey so he could take over the first order. I’m not seeing how that creates a redemption arc for him. 

I’m going to expand on this more in my next point but I think if he just fully embraced his villainy it would’ve been better. If he killed Palpatine and became the final boss I think that would’ve been more interesting than a last minute turn as a good guy then dying.  

6. Finnrey - When I said I was going to expand on that what I meant was: I’m going to tell you what I think should’ve happened in regards to FinnRey and how they should’ve been handled. In no other movie/book/tv show/short story/play will you see the main female actress and the main male actor not get together. It was so heavily hinted that Finn and Rey had/were going to have romantic feelings for each other (they were supposed to be our Han and Leia) and this was just forgotten about so abruptly. 

Even in the second movie, the first thing Finn thinks about is Rey when he wakes up. He wants to get the beacon as far away from the resistance’s ships as possible so when she gets back she won’t be in danger with the rest of the fleet. And Rey talking to Chewie before she goes onto the ship “tell him I said...” what did Chewie say? Who speaks wookie? This movie was such a great opportunity to expand on that relationship and what do we get? Nothing...again. They didn’t even have one full conversation. Ok but why though? Don’t even get me started on the whole quicksand incident. Why wouldn’t he be telling her he loved her? Why is that such an absurd possibility? This is what has been hinted at for 2 movies and now...? Sensing a theme when it comes to hints involving Finn? Yeah me too. 

There was a comment or article that I read somewhere that talked about Finn getting knocked out in the first movie during the final battle. This person said it was unfair because of the bait and switch in regards to the trailers teasing Finn vs Rey being the force sensitive in the movie. And I thought “wouldn’t it be cool if Finn and Rey fought Kylo together?”. I don’t just mean that one battle I mean throughout the whole trilogy. Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Kylo and Rey were connected because they were the equals in the dark and light sides of the force and if Rey and Finn were connected because they were a force dyad? That way if Kylo was going to be the ultimate final boss Finn and Rey could train/fight/work together to beat him once and for all. I thought that would be much more compelling. They didn’t even necessarily have to become a romantic pairing. 

I’m ok with subverting the, every series ends with a romance trope (even though it seems like the only time this trope is subverted is when a character of color is involved) but in this last movie Finn did little more than follow Rey around the galaxy and call her name when crap was going down. At least if you have force sensitive Finn, who has trained with and is connected to Rey he can actually help her instead of standing around staring the whole time. I, of course am a FinnRey shipper so I was disappointed when they didn’t get together but I’ve had plenty of other ships disappoint me in the past so this was nothing. I just wish they would have communicated for longer than two collective minutes in the 2.5 hour movie. They had such a great relationship/friendship. It was one of the best things about the first movie and it just evaporated in this movie with no real explanation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These were some of my thoughts about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I didn’t write this to offend anyone so if I did I’m sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest. I really got into the Stars Wars fandom with TFA and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. I try to reserve judgement on a series until it is over, since middle movies can be kind of boring because they’re trying to move the plot forward. I like to wait until the story is done before I say whether or not I liked it and this well...I’m still not sure. 

[prettywordsyouleft]

Different Kisses with Taekwoon

Thanks so much for your request! I have been waiting for this day but also avoiding it like the plague, because Taekwoon is my ult bias (well one of them). I knew one day I’d be writing about the man who has enraptured me for many years and guess what, I’m still not ready. Naturally, I have a lot to say about Taekwoon, so this is longer than some others I’ve done. But enough from me, let’s dive in, shall we?

(I’m sorry he has no gifs of kissing at a camera or anything so this will do)

Kissing Taekwoon is an overwhelming experience for the senses, because there is so much to taste and feel with every kiss.

First kiss:

Taekwoon didn’t think in the beginning he’d fall for you as fast as he had, especially when you mocked his never-ending love for caffeine. Despite your beverage differences though, he soon found himself wanting to do everything in your company. You were someone who had entered his world by being a staff member for VIXX, and you were irreplaceable to the VIXX family. This is what made him hesitate the most when it came to confessing his feelings. He wasn’t shy about he felt and some days all he did was stop and stare whenever you brushed by, feeling jealous of your attention on his other members and not him in that moment. It was petty but he had grown accustomed to watching you, talking with you whenever he could – heck he had gone as far as making up excuses just to visit your office in the building because he hadn’t seen you all day. So seeing you pay attention to Jaehwan and his incessant chatter had soured Taekwoon greatly.

And whilst you understood under his aloof exterior that Taekwoon was softer than most people imagined him to be, he was very much so hot and cold with you. Some days he’d treat you as the only person his eyes could ever capture and on others he went out of his way to purposely avoid you. It was conflicting to keep up with how he acted, especially of late. And so you decided to approach him, a latte in hand – of course.

Taekwoon was surprised to see you in his private practice room, pausing his music and spinning to find you holding out the drink as a peace offering. After explaining that you were there to find out if everything was okay between you both, Taekwoon’s head was shaking softly, making you worried that you had done something to really aggravate him.

“No it’s not,” he started, standing up and edging closer to you. “But hopefully it will be now.”

His lips immediately followed his words, pressing into yours with a demand that even surprised him. Perhaps it was because he was rashly acting out on his otherwise calmly hidden crush but his lips were moving with more haste than he had imagined this moment, to get all his feelings out before you could react. As your head swirled and breathing was growing difficult, your mind was connecting all his behaviours lately to this conclusion. You hadn’t expected him to like you back as much as you did, and your arms were soon around his neck, anchoring yourself into the kiss so he couldn’t pull away suddenly. This seemed to calm him down and his mouth became more exploring after a deep breath in, languidly moving with yours until it slowed right down to stop.

“It’s better than I thought it’d be,” he murmured as you gazed up at him lovingly, brushing the hair away from your face, a genuine smile crossing his now swollen lips.

Public kisses:

Taekwoon isn’t going to be obvious with his PDA at all. At most he’ll hold your hand and that’s all most people will be able to catch. But there is always more happening in his company, even when out in public. He is very subtle in touching you, his hand running along your lower back quickly, and if you’re not holding hands but walking side by side, his hand will actively swing in a rhythm that matches yours, gently but purposely grazing over your readily opened palm. It’s these non-verbal gestures that really make your heart sing, knowing Taekwoon is never going to put on a show for others to see. But you don’t miss a single moment; his gaze capturing yours is enough alone to make you feel the flutters in your stomach erupt.

When you’re out and about, Taekwoon likes to keep you close. Especially if there are crowds, he doesn’t want to lose sight of you once. He remains fixated at your side as much as he can and shoots death glares at anyone who so much looks twice at you. He’s protective and brings you even closer (who knew that was possible with how close you were already), making sure no one considers you together as platonic in that moment.

Despite not doing a lot of dates out in public, he enjoys running errands or doing the groceries together. It’s a fulfilment that you didn’t understand at first but for Taekwoon since he’s an idol, doing normal, domestic things with you makes it feel deeper to him and he relishes these moments the most. Sometimes he’ll even opt to hold the shopping cart side by side, smiling down at you elatedly. I mean, the man loves food and you so what would be better than a grocery shopping date? You’ve come to really enjoy these moments too, and when you do the groceries without him around it almost feels like the fun is missing – even if you both bicker a lot over what to buy.

Private kisses:

In private Taekwoon is very affectionate. He is rather clingy and will whine if you try to prevent him from holding you. This man loves to give you endless back hugs and you have perfected the art of continuing on with some tasks whilst he’s wrapped over you. The great thing with Taekwoon being taller than you means you can both relish in this position and still do cleaning tasks together. Again, feeding into his desires for being domestic with you, this has him full of smiles or those adorable little lip purses he does and a stream of light kisses will be placed along your neck or shoulder if it’s exposed along the way. Sometimes you can even cook like this which seems ridiculous to others, but for you both, being close in connection is actually so satisfying since he’s away so often. And when the task is done, you’re easily able to spin around in his arms, burying in deep yourself, kissing his clothed chest a couple of times before tilting your head back and smiling up at him. Taekwoon leans down to kiss you gently before you finally break apart and go eat or move onto separate tasks. A lot of mindless chatter, such as asking how each other’s day has been, is spent doing tasks together like this, and you couldn’t imagine doing them any other way now.

You’re very used to finding Taekwoon staring at you throughout the day/night too, gazing at you in this indescribable way that you’d love to be able to sneak into his thoughts to find out exactly whatever he’s thinking. Sometimes he tells you but most of the time he purses his lips playfully and acts nonchalant to your questioning, using his height and stubbornness to his advantage. So you attempt to kiss it out of him, and Taekwoon can never resist when you shower him in affections, chuckling as you kiss him repeatedly, asking in between what he’s thinking. He’s a little embarrassed sometimes to share, or other times he wasn’t even sure what he was thinking other than how much he loves you. So you might not always get the answer, but you definitely got some kisses in, so it’s not all bad!

As a partner, Taekwoon is very thoughtful. He makes sure to spoil you and make sure all your needs are met; he can even often tell what mood you’re in just by looking at you. The same can be said back on your behalf, and so your relationship is very balanced with both of you affectionate to the other in ways that make you reach for the other’s lips, kissing slowly and generally with a smile involved. It’s special to know someone so well like you do Taekwoon and the how much effort he goes to for you. Whilst you don’t often take dates outside the home, they are frequent within the comforts of your apartment and not a single detail is left out. Candlelit dinners with movies on the sofa are generally your go to, but sometimes just a drawn bath shared together is just as good. He’s the type to let you find random petals on the bed when he’s hoping to be romantic with you, more candles lighting the room magically. The effort he puts in just to make you swoon and give you those fairytale vibes are always so special to you, and you cannot hold back on all the kisses, lots of passionate embraces that usually end up heading to making out (or more), laced with many thank you, I love you, and I’m so lucky to have you confessions. Because you really are. He’s old-fashioned in the way he loves you, and courting you even to this day is hugely important to him. Taekwoon wants to ensure that you know just how much he loves you, as even though he’s more talkative with you than with others, he’s still not going to outwardly tell you he loves you constantly either. So his actions always so the care and desire he wants you to experience, and you couldn’t feel more cared for by anyone.

Finally, because we have far too many kisses to do a lazy kisses scenario, ending this off with Taekwoon’s favourite thing to do with you at night (apart from the obvious okay) is to rest with his head in your lap, smiling up at you and pulling you down to meet his lips in gentle, sensual kisses. Sometimes he’ll sit up a little when he gets into it a bit too much, but otherwise, he’s happy just resting into you, as you play with his hair or rest a hand on his chest, watching television or talking together. Ah, this sounds so comfortable.

Making out:

Making out with Taekwoon happens often because he just cannot stop at one kiss when it comes to you. Most of the time it’s initiated with a gaze, his eyes full of lust as he washes his focus over you slowly, shifting from your eyes as he lingers over every curve of your body until you’re crossing the distance and taking his face within your hands and kissing him with demand. Sometimes his eyes don’t make it all the way down your frame, but if they make it back to your own eyes, he’s more than worked up and will tilt his head in request for you to come to him. You like to try your best to hold out when he’s directing you like this, wondering what it’d take for him to close the distance first. The odd times you actually manage that much self-control has you cursing when he’s finally caressing your lips with his own, the heated embrace making your mind swirl into delirium. It’s indescribable how his kisses can bring you such pleasure so easily, and you often feel like the more active one in the moment, your hands hurrying to tug at his shirt, either unbuttoning it or untucking it enough to slip your hands underneath and onto his torso or chest, Taekwoon whining into your mouth as your tongues now get entwined. He’s definitely not defined in a role as a lover, he allows you to dictate the mood, the speed and the touches just as much as he can take control too, both of you so worked up by one another that making out either has to be stopped quickly so you can take your time to recover, or you’re going to head somewhere more pleasurable quickly. And whilst this isn’t about sex with him, making out can often distract your need to get to a bed, both of you making love in many places around your apartment because the kissing and touches have gotten all too much that there is only one thought process in that moment, and that is complete connection with each other. Is it hot in here?

Morning kisses:

Mornings aren’t initially sweet and endearing, as Taekwoon can be really out of it for some time. Lots of gentle murmurs or sighs if you wake him up with light kisses, his arm that’s draped over you tightening in pressure and bringing you closer. And if you woke up spooning, you often lift his hand up to your mouth once you’ve intertwined your fingers; kissing the back of his hand and feeling him stir. He has a pretty blank look on his face when he finally opens his eyes, and needs a moment or two to actually be somewhat roused into the land of the living, but he’s all smiles when he’s finally awake, kissing the top of your head as he mumbles out a husky morning greeting. Both of you like to just lay together for some time if you can afford to, light pecks and lots of nuzzling happening as you remain tangled up in each other. Taekwoon loves to give you lots of neck kisses in the morning and has often drifted back off to a light slumber after kissing you there. And depending on if you really need to start moving or not, you let him rest a little longer, smiling to yourself at how much you must relax him.  

Making up:

Whilst you’re both not the type to needlessly pick at one another, you do have arguments more frequently than some of the idols I write for. Because you’re both passionate about what matters to you most and stubborn too, well, it can easily slip into an argument if either of you aren’t careful. Taekwoon is cold and calculated when he fights, pointing out things that he’s clearly been holding onto, or injecting further insult into the situation if he’s too riled up. He won’t back down from a fight and if you get dramatic about it, he can become quite petty until you give up, storming away and locking yourself in the bathroom. He won’t approach you immediately after a fight either, internalising it for far longer than he needs to and is rather cold towards you if you happen to leave the place you’ve hidden within to settle your own emotions. Unless he’s really at fault, it’s generally you who starts the reconciliation, though he’s all too ready to find that connection with you again by now too. The focus is more on the making up than the problem that occurred the fight, so kissing each other with a little desperation attached is quite common when making up. Taekwoon hates the idea of being so disconnected that he’ll hold you to him tightly as if he were to let you go, you’d disappear. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the making up, that you forget to address the problem and then it becomes another argument a few days later, but thankfully you’re both more than aware by this time that it needs to be addressed and will solve it maturely.

Coffee kisses:

Makes sense we start his specific kisses here, right? Taekwoon literally smells like coffee most of the time since it’s his favourite thing to drink every day. And naturally, when he kisses you, you can taste the strong flavour of his coffee that’s lingered on this breath. I’m sure there’s worse things you could taste within a kiss, but admittedly it took some adjusting to when you’re not a coffee drinker by nature. Now though, you love that he comes with this infused flavour and his teasing about you not pushing him away like you used to when he’d tried to kiss you right after taking a sip on his drink is the only frustrating thing when it comes to kissing him now.

Though he still likes to tease you, making sure to drink his coffee well before sticking his tongue into your mouth with a kiss, grinning when you scrunch your face up and chastise him for adding in too much flavour. Heh.

Teasing kisses:

There is a lot of playful banter in your relationship. You both like teasing the other and seeing how worked up you each get, his glares, pouts or whining making you giggle happily. And for you, he loves seeing you grow pink and flustered at his teasing; smiling at how cute you are that he’s soon biting at his lip. There are a lot of instances that heighten the teasing, such as when he’s being competitive with something you’re doing together, getting petty and annoyed when you beat him or he fails at it.

The kisses that you both receive during moments like these are playful too, lots of pecking before you wind up kissing until you’re breathless, the smile that was on your face completely gone by the time you pull away to suck in some air.

It can be used as a tactic too so you don’t remember what you were teasing him over, or he calms down from losing out on whatever he was competing for. Because frankly, he just won a whole lot with that kiss, let’s be real.

Flustered kisses:

Although Taekwoon has grown further confidence in life over the years of being an idol and with dating you, he still can easily get flustered and want to hide. He loves doing so within your neck, pressing his lips into you gently as he tries to recover from what you’re still teasing him about. If he’s flustered from his own accord and drops into your neck to recuperate, it can give you a bit of a surprise, especially if you try to coax out what embarrassed him and he bites down gently, attempting to change the subject. Focusing on kissing your neck often helps him calm down and he’ll place light kisses or lip presses against you until he’s gaining back some of his confidence, the kisses building a little before they peter off completely and he lifts his head up, acting as nonchalant as he possibly can.

Because nothing happened right? Uh huh >___>

Stressed kisses:

Taekwoon is the type to place a lot of expectations on himself and gets stressed out when things don’t go how he planned them to. In this heightened state retreat into himself for some time, trying to figure what the solution needs to be. But if something disrupts him during his stressed moments then he’ll become a mess internally, worrying about everything. He’s very self-critical from being somewhat of a perfectionist and if one thing is off alignment, he’ll begin to concern himself over other things following suit. He’ll scramble to make sure everything stays the way he wants it to but whilst he’s so busy concerning himself over this, he’ll not be sleeping well or looking after himself. That’s when you interfere; quietly reminding him he needs to look out for himself even when things are tough. And it’s like he’s only just realised you’re there at his side (even though he’s been ruminating over whether your relationship is stable or not when sleep is failing him) and collapses into your welcoming embrace, allowing you to hold him, to comfort him, to remind him how talented he is. How things will work out. You give him a lot of forehead kisses too, which he secretly loves receiving because it makes him feel nurtured as your partner and a person. He relaxes into your words and embrace, playing with your hands lightly as he continues to calm down. Sometimes you’ll start helping him with his problem; other times just being in each others company is enough to relieve some of his stress.

And well, if that doesn’t work, he definitely isn’t opposed to other ways of releasing tension, especially now that’s he’s so enamoured at how easily you can support him and pick him up from the darkened world viewpoint he was enduring.

Demanding/jealous kisses:

I don’t mean to discredit his parents in any way, but he’s the youngest and the only son with three sisters. Taekwoon himself has admitted to being spoilt by his family and naturally, this makes him an attention seeker because of it. He’s not going to actively bring the spotlight onto himself in his profession, but when it comes to your relationship, oh you best know that your eyes only belong on him, as does your focus.

Taekwoon is entitled and thus, jealous when he doesn’t get what he wants. It could be as simple as you doing your actual job (you still work with VIXX) and having to help Wonshik with some extra schedules, discussing with Hongbin how his acting schedule fits into his VIXX one, or simply helping Hyuk with his outfit, you can feel Taekwoon’s gaze boring right into the back of your head. And for some reason, if you’re with Hakyeon or Jaehwan for too long, he gets impatient with how jealous he is, moving away from the room in a huff and into his private practice room. He never makes a point to come over and grab your attention away; instead, he lets it fester within himself, beating it out on his electric piano keyboard.

You’re aware that he’s jealous and even if it irks you completely that he can’t separate your work life and personal life some days, you go seek him out when you have time, standing behind him with your hands on your hips. He’ll not respond to your attempts to make him admit he’s jealous but he isn’t as cold as he was before, and he whines about all the things you didn’t do for him but you did for his members. Entitled Taekwoon is petty as hell, like a petulant child who didn’t get his candy bar. And sometimes you just want to scold him like a mother would for throwing such a needless tantrum when he knows you will only love him for the rest of your life and there is no need to get jealous.

By now he’s done with talking and kisses you instead in attempts to claim you and demand your attention be on him in that moment. He dictates the kiss and just so you can’t break away from it, he’ll trap you against the wall, making sure to kiss you until you’re moaning and completely dishevelled. This doesn’t always placate you though because you haven’t forgotten why he’s kissed you so deeply like this. Depending on the mood, Taekwoon might try again to erase your annoyance, but generally, he’s pretty happy with himself by now, feeling your attention and love on him even if you’re not exactly happy with him. Any attention is good attention, right?

3am kisses:

Another one to join the night-time thoughtful club. Taekwoon sometimes struggles with sleep with how his schedule is and will watch you as you sleep beside him when he’s still awake or unable to keep asleep. It’s in these moments, where your eyelids are twitching as you dream, that he really can admit to how deeply he loves you, whispering out all the words that come to his mind when he thinks of you. And by the time he’s done imagining everything about your future together, marrying you, having children and growing old together, he’s pretty emotional. Without any further regard to your peaceful state, he reaches over and kisses you gently, hoping that focusing on your lips will help him not cry over how happy he’d be to have all that now. As you stir, he’s blinking so damn fast to try and hide his emotions. But you know from experience when he wakes you like this it’s because he’s been thinking of you a little too much, and you smile sleepily, slowly reaching to touch where his cheeks are damp and lean back in to kiss him. No words are shared in this moment, even though you’ve missed so many of his words as you dreamed, it’s like they reached you all the same and you’re so in love with Taekwoon that you don’t mind that he interrupted your dreams, being with him in real life was always way better than what your mind conjured as you slept anyway.

Being with Taekwoon is fulfilling. You always thought just being his friend, his co-worker and a member of the VIXX family was more than enough, but falling in love with him opened your world to so many more opportunities and understanding yourself more. You not only have been nurturing him and supporting his growth as a human but also finding who you truly are in the process. His love has made you into a better version of yourself and tested you in ways that you can look back on and appreciate now. There is an added anticipation within you most days, thinking about how much more you have to learn about as you grow together.  

_______________

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Other VIXX members: Hakyeon // Taekwoon // Ken // Hyuk

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[M//] [NOVELLA] [WORLD-BUILDING] [DOUBLING] MEDIEVAL FANTASY/DARK FAIRYTALE

| Ros | 21 | CST | Third person ; Novella ; Four paragraphs BARE minimum| lochsieve@gmail.com |

  Adventure, romance, drama, tragedy, well-rounded characters, fantastical settings, prophecies, detailed world-building, character growth… and more!

  If any of that caught your eye, we could be a match! I’ve never written fantasy before, which is shocking to me because I hold it so close to my heart. I will forewarn you that despite having next to nothing in mind while making this ad, I am extremely focused on plot and world-building. I’ve had partners in the past say they’re big on world-building but either contribute next to nothing or only have a vague outline of the world we’re working with before diving into things, so if you’re one of those types, we might not click! I want a story filled with plot and subplots and a living, breathing world for us to explore through our characters, which is partly why I don’t have a proposed world to work with right from the start. I want us to be able to build something together!

  I’m a big chatter OOC, so you can expect me linking songs or playlists or making moodboards revolving around our characters or world. I’m very creatively driven, so when something’s on my mind, I want to rave about it! I’d love equal enthusiasm from a partner. I can work with or without face claims, too, so let me know if they’re something you want and I’ll be more than happy to dig around for some. (No anime, of course; real people.) If you aren’t into them, I’m equally happy to run with written descriptions. Any and everything is good in my book.

  Seeing as it’s fantasy, I am definitely gearing more toward the high medieval fantasy than low fantasy. I want there to be absurdity! Dragons, magic, old gods, divine magic, mythological beings, palaces built of ice and snow, fantasy beings, ancient tomes, floating cities sustained by magic, demigods, crystal caverns, underwater kingdoms, generational curses, war, political tension… Fantastical, unreal, extravagant. I want a wondrous world and a harrowing adventure for our characters to journey on. I DO want there to be some kind of prophecy or destiny involved, whether we subvert it or stick with it or something else entirely; I want there to be a bigger picture in mind for our characters. Maybe we have a Chosen One. Maybe we have a not-so-Chosen-One; maybe the Chosen One died and someone is left to fill their shoes. Maybe a God has bestowed their powers to an earthly vessel, or maybe a character or two are the only connection to a presumably dead race or magic. The possibilities are endless.

  Like! My point here is I really want a fantasy adventure and world and conflict bigger than our characters! I’m so ready for brainstorming!!!

  As for the characters, I adore writing casts, so doubling is a must. I am perfectly fine writing two M// relationships or just one with two secondary characters uninvolved romantically with one another, or perhaps even an M// and F// couple! I do not enjoy writing M/F relationships. The point is that writing multiple characters is a requirement. I’ve never written more than two mains, but I’d be more than happy to try it out! I want something like a party on a grand quest, destined to be drawn alongside one another – or even a slew of ill-suited randos roped in on something bigger than them that they never signed up for. I love character drama, introspection, and the eventual family-like dynamic they slot into. Or even a betrayal or two! Maybe a character defects to the Other Side. Maybe that was their intention all along, but they got caught up in getting emotionally invested in everyone else, which makes their betrayal all the more heart-wrenching.

  (Note: all characters will be adults! I don’t write minors. We also don’t need to stick to the “every character is 20-25” unspoken rule I’ve seen a lot where every character is never older than 26 for some reason; different ages are more than welcome! Just no weirdly big age gaps, keep it within reason and not far off developmentally.)

  Romance is, as I mentioned, a staple. I am a fan of every trope, with every character combination. Childhood/close friends, mutual pining (if it’s got bone-deep yearning and a litany of almosts in the quiet night, I’m there), opposites attract, forbidden romance, arranged marriage drama (duty vs desire)… Royal/Commoner, Royal/Knight, Commoner/Knight, Commoner/Warrior, etc etc etc! Anything you like, I’m game for it. While romance is there alongside the plot, it is something I greatly want to focus on.

  I write smut and prefer not to fade to black. I also write switch characters, period. Been burned too many times in the past with strict top/bottom roles. However, I am a fan of subverting expectations and flipping a coin on its head, so I can be swayed with tough/physically imposing bottoms or unassuming tops. Otherwise I adhere strictly to writing switch roles. My limits are noncom or dubcon, BDSM, mpreg, master/slave dynamics, incest, underage, sexual abuse, toilet play, vore/gore, and foot fetishes.

  What I want from you: tell me your name, age, time zone, average post length, limits, and any ideas you’ve got or if you’d just like to brainstorm together. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just gotten “I want to RP with you” messages from people; I delete those right off the bat. I’m not asking for much, just some basic information of who you are, how you go about things, and what you’re looking for. Also, please keep in mind that I DO greatly prefer someone who writes novella style like I do. I write a lot (as you can tell. lmfao), like nine-15 paragraphs depending on the scene, even 20+ if it’s more extensive. I am definitely NOT stingy about multiple replies a day or even a week given the style of writing, so if you write more casually with just 2-3 paragraphs or so I don’t think we’ll fit. I’m definitely much more fine with a shorter length if the scene isn’t intensive or big, of course, lol. Just write at least three-four paragraphs on average if you don’t write novella specifically and we’ll be golden! I’m not a quantity over quality person, I just prefer we have an equal give and take.

  And that’s all I’ve got for now! If you’re interested, email me and we can move on from there. :) I also plot, chat OOC, and roleplay strictly through email; I don’t use discord or kik or even gchat, email is the only place I’ll get things done! I’d be down for a shared GDoc for world-building or characters or just anything for a point of reference, though. Anyway, hope to hear from you!!! <3

[valentinewheeler]

2018 Book Recap!

If you follow me on twitter you saw this already, but here’s my favorites I read this year.

They weren’t all 2018 releases, but they’re what hit my kindle/bookshelf and stood out! In reverse order, basically, of when I read them. Check out the list below - it’s a little eclectic.

The Good Neighbor: The Life and Works of Fred Rogers (Maxwell King) - My toddler is ALL ABOUT Mr. Rogers. Turns out he was just as wonderful in life as he was on TV. If you’ve got a small person in your life who loves him (or you were one), I recommend this deep dive into his life and legacy.

Blackfish City (Sam J. Miller) - This sat on my kindle for months before I opened it, but once I passed the first few chapters and got into the world, I blew through 90% in a day. Beautifully woven storytelling, deep worldbuilding. Infrastructure, plague, and culture clash: three things that win me instantly. PLUS a nonbinary POV character!!

A Conspiracy of Truths (Alex Rowland) - I hate unreliable narrators, and yet, here I am, in love with this book. I finished the audiobook (which is BEAUTIFULLY narrated!!) and actually yelled out loud when there wasn’t any more. WHAT A WORLD. Economics, legal drama, and grumpy characters: three more things I can’t resist in a novel.

A Duke by Default/A Princess in Theory (Alyssa Cole) - I hadn’t read much romance until this year, and I don’t know why because turns out I love it. Or at least, I love Alyssa Cole’s work. Both of these had great heroines and super fun supporting casts. I loved both of them equally. I want the next one immediately.

Witchmark (C.L. Polk) - Everyone said I’d love this. EVERYONE WAS RIGHT. Magic! Bikes! Social class based on a false meritocracy! MURDER! MAGIC-SCIENCE BLEND! REALLY FREAKY PAYOFF! Read it. You’re missing out if you don’t.

Spinning Silver (Naomi Novik) - Now, I’ve loved Naomi Novik’s work for about fifteen years. I knew I’d like this one. What I didn’t expect was to have to lie down for a few hours to contemplate it after reading it in one go. I love a main character who ISN’T traditionally sympathetic but you love anyway. Beautifully woven folklore and feeling.

Legend (and sequels) (Marie Lu) - I love YA dystopias with all my heart. This was such a great one. I loved the characters, I loved the setting, I loved seeing the broader world than is usually seen in a post-apocalyptic setting (how DO other governments handle the end of the old way??) Just a delightful read.

Fuzzy Nation (John Scalzi) - I tried to minimize my white men on my reading list this year, but Scalzi is always an exception. I LOVE the original work, and this is a beautiful update. But then, legal battles in space will always win me over. Love it just as much as HBP’s, which is a pretty high bar to cross.

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns (Julie C Dao) - This took me a while to get through, because it was so, I don’t know, filled with impending doom? This little book had such a dark, blood-soaked voice, and I love a fairytale retelling that DOESN’T go how you expect. Absolutely worth reading. Lush setting, high body count.

The Poet X (Elizabeth Acevedo) - If I had known this was all in verse, I wouldn’t have picked it up. So I’m really glad I didn’t know that. If that turns you off, listen to the audiobook. A phenomenal performance. What an immersive experience this book was. It’s stuck with me for months after reading.

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife (Meg Elison) - I love post-apocalyptic stories. This was a brutal one. Explores how different communities deal in the face of disaster, and not for the weak of stomach. But one of my favorite PA books of the year for sure. Bought the sequel and finished both in one day.

An Extraordinary Union/A Hope Divided (Alyssa Cole) - The other set of her books I devoured this year. The first slavery-era US romance I’ve read that didn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth. The way she builds her characters and their bonds is just SO #goals.

Orientalism (Edward Said) - I’ve been meaning to read this for a while, and I finally made it through this year. A little dated, maybe, but a dense brick of really interesting thinking and history. A classic for a reason!! The audiobook is GREAT.

Americanah (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) - I love a character who is lying to herself! And I love a book where the backstory is meted out in drips and dabs. A dive into communities I know very little about, some of which are right around the corner from me. Ifemelu is a completely solid character, one that feels ABSOLUTELY real.

Trail of Lightning (Rebecca Roanhorse) - If you’ve read her short fiction, you know she’s a master. This lived up to it. Post-apocalyptic Navajo monsterhunters? Exactly as awesome as promised. The mythology and worldbuilding are perfection.

The Calculating Stars/The Fated Sky (Mary Robinette Kowal) - THESE BOOKS! I love alternate history, I love space, I love characters who confront prejudice within themselves and without! Every character makes SENSE, even when they’re awful! All the science feels absolutely real! I WANT TO GO TO SPACE

The Book of M (Peng Shepherd) - My goodness, I read a lot of post apocalyptic novels this year? This one has one of my personal fears - memory loss that can’t be stopped. Another great blend of science and maybe-magic and spirituality (?) and how humans cope with weird, horrifying, tragic things.

Alexander Hamilton (Ron Chernow) - I figured before seeing Hamilton I needed to read the book, and I’m really glad I did. Super engaging, with just the right blend of anecdote and data. After reading this I definitely annoyed my mother and my spouse during the whole musical by whispering trivia at them.

War Against All Puerto Ricans (Nelson Denis) - I’m ashamed to say I knew very little about the history of Puerto Rico. After reading this book, that really pisses me off. The US really did PR wrong, and continues to do so. A vital read for anyone interested in US history.

Cinder/Scarlet/Winter/Cress (Marissa Meyer) - Apparently people have been into these for years and I’m just hitting them now. Fun YA, a genre I’ve missed (I like all this hard-hitting, serious YA, but sometimes over the top silly is absolutely necessary!). Spouse and I enjoyed pointing out all the absurd fairy tale tropes.

Station Eleven (Emily St. John Mandel) - !!! I’m ALL ABOUT books that weave together multiple stories that you KNOW how to intersect somehow but you don’t know HOW IT WILL HAPPEN! Post apocalyptic, weaving stories over fifteen years, all connecting to the life of one guy as the apocalypse hits. GREAT.

All God’s Children Need Travelling Shoes (Maya Angelou) - Yes, I’m well past missing the boat here. But I’m catching up. My goodness, she’s a beautiful writer. And the period covered in the book is spellbinding and brutal and painful and gorgeous.

Cooking is Terrible (Misha Fletcher) - Okay, do you have like twelve minutes and four dollars to cook dinner every night? THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU. Easy recipes in non-threatening form, with going off-script absolutely encouraged. I read this start to finish and have been referring back FREQUENTLY as I cook.

Front Desk (Kelly Yang) - THE MIDDLE GRADE BOOK I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED. Oh, this was wonderful. I want to give this to every ten year old I know (which is actually none?). Mysteries! Racism! Badass middle schoolers! Intra-community problems! Three-dimensional characters! YES!

Edge of Nowhere (Felicia Davin) - SPACE ROMANCE! Teleportation! Cafe-owning lesbians! Sweet big stoic guy/small angry disaster guy romance (my FAVORITE KIND)! SPACE SPORTS! Space HEIST!!!! Alternate dimensions! YES.

Everything I Never Told You (Celeste Ng) - This one hurt. What real, beautiful, flawed, horrible characters. All their choices made sense in context, all their pain felt real, and I didn’t want to leave them when the book ended. Content warnings for child death. The 1970s have never felt so close.

Little Fires Everywhere (Celeste Ng) - I usually hate books that start at the end, but this one earned it. Disaster rich people are kind of my jam, especially when they have consequences. And again the characters were the stars. I felt like I knew everyone, and I loved them even when they were awful.

Into the Drowning Deep (Mira Grant) - I’m never going in the ocean again. Mermaids have been ruined forever. Terrifying. Great characters, some of whom die horribly. Scary scary unending horrorshow. But oh, what a way to go. Gory fun filled with great representation.

Uprooted (Naomi Novik) - I was so delighted by Spinning Silver I almost forgot that I loved this one NEARLY as much! Scary forest, plenty of fantasy/fairytale tropes turned on their heads. Disaster love interest. Competent, frustrated main character. A+.

The Beauty that Remains - There were a lot of dead friends books this year, and this was my favorite in the not-police-related category of those. Strangers whose lives weave together around the deaths of three people close to them all, and the band that brought them all closer. Gorgeous.

An Indigenous People’s History of the US (Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz) - Another one that’s absolutely vital in filling gaps in the history I’ve learned of this country. Engaging writing and strong voice. Didn’t give me any warm patriotic fuzzies, that is for sure.

Company Town (Madeline Ashby) - Floating future town! Unions! Murder! Loved it.

The Underground Railroad (Colson Whitehead) - I know the boat on this was a couple years ago, but what a chilling, brutal, beautiful book. The slight speculative element was just the perfect touch to give it a flavor of myth, if that makes sense. Steel yourself before reading.

River of Teeth (Sarah Gailey) - HIPPOS! IN THE MISSISSIPPI! This was a DELIGHT from start to finish. Leverage on HIPPOS in the Wild West?! YES PLEASE.

The Wanderers (Meg Howrey) - Astronauts on a simulated mission to Mars basically all break down, as does everyone around them. I adored this book. I loved the thousand POVs because each one was its own distinct voice. I loved the different ways everybody fell apart!

Infomocracy (Malka Older) - WORLDBUILDING!!!!!! Future elections, future political system, future tech, all brilliantly built. I need to read the sequels, but I haven’t managed to work up the brainpower I know they deserve!!! READ THIS if you like scifi political minutiae (I DO)

The Poppy War (RF Kuang) - The first half is Tamora Pierce, the second half is George RR Martin, but better. This was nothing like what I expected. Absolutely staggeringly, brutally beautiful. What a bold novel. Will buy anything else she ever writes sight unseen.

Warcross (Marie Lu) - This is what I wanted Ready Player One to be. Virtual reality gaming with real life consequences. References and fantastic characters. The sequel is just as good.

Zeroboxer (Fonda Lee) - BOXING IN SPACE! Secret science!! MYSTERIES!! All things I love.

Dread Nation (Justina Ireland) - GREAT. Zombies during the Civil War. A heroine who takes no shit and instead takes zombie heads off. COMBAT SCHOOLS. SUPER GREAT.

An Ember in the Ashes (Sabaa Tahir) - I didn’t expect to love this the way I did, but I devoured it, and the two sequels, each in about a day. This felt like all the best parts of old-school fantasy novels, the thick kind you shoved in your backpack in seventh grade, but BETTER. And I love a good Evil Roman!

Space Opera (Catherynne Valente) - Queen meets Hitchhiker’s Guide! This was a JOURNEY from start to finish, a glorious, absurd, delightful meditation on fame and Eurovision and what it means to be worthwhile and human and a person. YES.

The Broken Earth (NK Jemisin) - More like the BROKEN ME after reading these. Periapocalyptic fiction, absolutely 100% deserving every award and more. Content warning for very small child death brutally described, and more horrors. NK Jemisin goes HARD.

American Islamophobia (Khaled A Beydoun) - Could not put this down. I learned an astonishing amount, especially about the historical place of Islam, Muslims, and Islamophobia in the US. A hard read, but worth the work.

All the Birds in the Sky (Charlie Jane Anders) - Okay, I have to admit it, I have no idea what was going on in this book. But that didn’t stop me from loving it!! Witches and technology and animals and weird apocalyptic nonsense! DELIGHTFUL

Anger is a Gift (Mark Oshiro) - Another YA book that pulled no punches. What a phenomenal look into the way kids and communities of color move through the world, and how the world moves against them.

History is All You Left Me (Adam Silvera) - SO MANY DEAD FRIEND BOOKS THIS YEAR. A great use of the start at the middle, work both directions format, it covers both the time before the death of the MC’s ex and the fallout. I wept through most of it.

White Tears (Hari Kunzru) - Horror, and the villain is essentially appropriation. Very satisfying! The author’s love of music comes through. A nerdy, scary, millennial read.

Love, Hate and Other Filters (Samira Ahmed) - Loved this. Melded teen interpersonal drama, family expectations vs. dreams, and confronting the world and the way they see you all at once, woven together in a beautiful way.

A People’s History of the US (Howard Zinn) - Obviously this is great. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by his son. Sobbed through the child labor chapters. Cheered at the union chapters. Loved it.

Thornfruit/Nightvine/Shadebloom (Felicia Davin) - I LOVE WORLDBUILDING. This is a fantasy on a world that doesn’t turn, so night and day are DIRECTIONS, not times. SO COOL. And I adore the main character. Small Angry/Large Shy is the BEST ROMANCE TROPE. The magic and language is beautifully developed.

Tempests and Slaughter (Tamora Pierce) - Look. I’ll read a gonorrhea brochure if Tamora Pierce writes it. So you knew this would be on the list. But it earned its spot! I love Numair in the Daine series, and he’s a tiny ball of feelings in this. I need more.

Unfamiliar Fishes (Sara Vowell) - I’ve always been interested in Hawaiian history, and though this was a little light and memoir-y for my taste, it contained a shocking amount of information that went down easy in her light, friendly style. Absolutely worth the couple hours it’ll take you.

The Only Harmless Great Thing (Brooke Bolander) - Elephants! Memory! What it means to have value! What we owe other beings! Radium! Sharp and dark and deeper than it has any right to be.

[pandoraspocksao3]

WEEKEND AO3 UPDATES!

What are you reading this weekend? Need some titles? I am behind on quite a few and I have even more in my “to be read” list, but some of my old and new favorites updated this weekend, close to this weekend, or will update tomorrow, so here are “Pandora’s Picks” if you just don’t feel like getting out this weekend and want some reading time! Some are doing extremely well and some of this fics for whatever reason are not making it onto people’s radar. 

What is my taste in fiction? Well, like a lot of people, it is VARIED. That means you can’t really link this list together as one category. I’ll try to say a few things about why I like each one and the category and age group I think it’s appropriate for. That sounds horrible because I know I read every smut book I could find when I was a teenager, but believe me when I say now I wish I hadn’t read some of them - some were above my understanding and others were kinda scary and turned me off sex. Since Tumblr has a wide range of readers, I’m trying to bear that in mind when recommending stuff. 

So let’s begin:

SKYWALKERS by Wissixwe updated! This is the sequel to Strategic Alliances, which I recommend reading first, but it can work as a stand-alone. Teens and up can read this. There are sex scenes but not graphic. There are original pairings with new characters. The writer is very creative and intelligent and does a lot of world building, so if you dive into sci-fi deep, this is your kind of fic. SKYWALKERS is canon divergent (since TLJ came out) and Luke is a strong heroic character. And he has a girlfriend!! (Original character). Leia is beautifully written as well. Honestly, she writes Luke is the way I wish he’d been done in TLJ. Reylo is also done really well in this. There are so many quirky characters in this and so many cool concepts like bending space, and then there is the lyrical writing style of the author. If you want a fast a dirty read, skip it, but it you like original concepts and beautifully crafted sentences, this is your author. I look for her to be published one day.

Vampire’s Kiss by DragonWhiskers updated this past week and is moving toward the finale of this part of her “Monsters Are We All” series. This popular author has a pretty large readership, but I don’t know if everyone has discovered her yet. Her style is erotic writing, and therefore I would say this is an 18 and up fic; the rating is explicit. This is a Gothic read with a Vampire Kylo Ren that is sort of Crimson Peak meets old style Gothic Horror romance with a sultry dance toward....doom? death? Ecstasy? We don’t know yet! 

A Secret Between Us by Terapid updated. This is a new fic rated Mature, so I’d say 18+, and this will be a short work completed in 6 chapters (but they are long chapters).  Set after the Last Jedi. “Despite Rey’s best effort, the Bond with Kylo Ren strengthens. Making matters more complicated, Kylo has learned to manipulate her environment—putting the whole Rebellion at risk.” Love the way this author combines action and sensual/erotic romance with Reylo, and there’s always a twist with his stories. I like his Kylo because he’s very strong and aggressive but is also protective toward Rey. I love all his stories, but this is a fun one because it is set after TLJ and it has 4 out of the 6 chapters completed, so the payoff is nigh.

Praxis by CoraRiley will update tomorrow! This is a relatively new fic about halfway done, and this is definitely 18+, Explicit, Serial Killer Kylo AU in which Rey is kidnapped. Dub-con. READ THE TAGS FIRST. If this isn’t your thing, just skip it. Again, this one is not for everyone, but if you can handle Dark Kylo and smut and you like a thriller vibe on top of it, this is your fic. No happy endings are promised, but then again it could be fine. We don’t know! I don’t know! It’s driving me NUTS!!!!! Augggh! 

Unbidden by Perry Downing updated. If you don’t know about this one, you’ve been hiding under a rock, probably, or like me, you floated around AO3 your first year and never caught her other works! This is set entirely post TLJ - she works hard at it and she started this fic immediately after the movie came out. Once you start reading, you get hooked! It’s tagged as Explicit, and there are graphic sex scenes but they are also pretty tastefully done. I’d say 18+ but she’s very good about giving a heads up when there are sex scenes and her stories always have a happily ever after to them, so if you don’t want to be worried about any dark twists, you are totally safe with her fics. They are very comforting to read, and she’s very psychological in her examination of Kylo and Rey. If you liked Thwarted, you will like this one! Have some tissues handy, because she is an expert at writing mother/son scenes and other sensitive issues in this saga that will grab your heart and give you “all the feels,” as they say. It’s also not without suspense.....I’m keeping a worried eye on Hux and what he’s up to!

The Desert Rose by LastMouseLeft has updated. This is a new work by her - you may know the name from her WIP, A Gift For the Emperor . Both are rated Explicit, so I would say 18+ for sure. A Gift for the Emperor is one of my favorites and is more like a dreamy fairytale, lots of description, and a great love story that is still unfolding. The Desert Rose is one she just started and I don’t know much about it yet except it has Kylo Ren as a A Jinn, something I had thought was made up, but is part of folklore. Creative concept - AU where Rey is part of his harem and Kylo has the magical powers of a Jinn. ORIGINAL is my first thought on this one. Again, 18+, as I don’t know how explicit it will get but it is tagged. It might be your thing and it might not be...I’m giving it a try!

Forces Intertwined by Marla_Singer21 has updated a couple of times in the past few weeks. This is a story you may have started and forgotten about since she took a break from writing it but has returned. I’m going to have to reread it, but it was one of my favorites when I first got here in 2016. “Great interrogation room scenes” was my first thought. So yes, 18+ and Explicit again. Lots of sexual tension and it was building toward a great plot. A sexy read...

The Escort by grliegirl I’m giving a shoutout to even though it is a completed work I’ve posted about before! This Pretty Woman/Reylo crossover AU has hit 800 kudos! I just saw that, and I wanted to say Congratulations! She is someone I saw often in the comments and clicked on her user and saw this story, so I read it and REALLY enjoyed it. If you liked the Pretty Woman film with Julia Roberts, this is written in the same vein only with Reylo, great sex, humor, and an uplifting feel throughout the story and after. If you need a pick-me-up mood booster, read this one. Rumors are there may be a sequel in the works? Here’s hoping! 

NON-REYLO MENTIONS:

Hanging from a Cross of Iron by Juulna has updated! This is set in the Marvel universe and I’m hearing raves about it! If Tony Stark and Bucky captivate you, this is a great fic to settle down with written by a fantastic writer! This is on my list to read after I get caught up with the movies! I’ve read her fics in the Reylo category and Reylux categories before, and she blows me away with her writing ability. Definitely an author to subscribe to. Tagged as Explicit, so I’m thinking 18+ here as well. 

Jadeite by DarkPhoenix24 updated. This is for Mara Jade fans or Reylos who are ready to read about a different pairing. I LOVE this and tragically because of the fandom usually wanting only Reylo, it’s largely unnoticed. I freaking LOVE this plot! Mara Jade (I never read the Legends books, but now I know who she is) was frozen in carbonite and ended up in the world post TFA. She is without a doubt one of the most badass characters I’ve read about. She’s paired with Kylo Ren in this, but it is a slow burn, and you will see Rey and Leia and the others in this, but on opposing sides. She is remarkably creative and again, ORIGINAL. You won’t find anything else like this on AO3. If you do, tag me, please! What’s more, the Emperor is back, and frankly since Snoke was disposed of so quickly with no revelations, I like having a Big Bad where I know the background. This is a FUN READ!!!

*****

I have a lot more I’m reading, but those are the updates I saw in my notifier this week. My email account is really backlogged, so if I missed one, shoot me a PM and let me know! 

Feel free to reblog this and add your own fic or favorites on - that is what these threads are for! Let’s show some love to our fandom authors who work so tirelessly and provide us with free stories, yes?

@belovedunderwing @thereisnocureforthis @grlie-girl @juuls @corariley @terapid @perrydowning @dating-kylo-ren @marlasinger21 @lastmouseleft

[cowandcalf]

Question Time

I was tagged by the gorgeous @consultingfangirl ! Thank you so much for tagging me, Hon! <3<3

Rules: Always post the rules, do all 11 questions by the tagger, write 11 of your own questions, and tag 11 people to answer said questions.

Answered Questions:

1.  How many pets do you have? What are their names?

We have 7 in-house pets (6 cats and 1 dog) and 16 pets, always living outside (cats, adopted from animal welfare, taking care of them 24/7, not used to confined spaces such as appartements. They freak out.)

Names: Daisy, Linus, Yoda, Minka, Sky, Eowyn and Emma (dog)

Names: Agrawain, Toffee, Gwendolin, Hazel, Flinn, Emily, Jimmy, Hanna, Samoa, Big Mama, Miss Louis, Amira, Samira, Peanut, Peaches, Pablo

And there is Charly the horse and Sämi another dog. But that's another story.

2. What is your favorite movie and how many times do you think you've seen it?

Ha! It's a super famous children's film but it's watched by adults too. Every year around christmas everyone watches this movie in Switzerland, a fairytale loosely based on Disney's Cinderella. “Drei Nüsse für Aschenbrödel”. To hear the music means happy childhood time. I've seen it at  least 35 times and I will keep watching it. This movie connects me deeply with so many great moments concerning my childhood.

3. What was your first fandom ship?

That was James Dean and Elisabeth Taylor in George Stevens's movie "Giant" (1956), not knowing that fandom exists. I was too young but I was born with a fangirl's heart.

4. What was your first fandom and who/what got you into it?

This was Brokeback Mountain. Pure desparation and this agony of an unknown heartache let me find the soul-saving fountain of fanfiction by surfing the net for hours.

5. How would you describe your fashion sense/style in just three words?

Seriously?, random, resilient

6. If you could go to San Diego Comic Con next year (or if you are going!) what would you cosplay and why?

I don't cosplay and I don't attent such shows. I wouldn't go because even though I'm addicted to my shows/OTP I don't want to see them like this. I'm interested only in the very private side of my otp. The real "them" and I never gonna know this side, because I know they don't show it to fans. So no reason for me to go.

7. Have you ever done a couple/OTP cosplay? If so, which one? If not, which one would you most want to do?

Nope, I haven't and there is no wish to try.

8. What's your favorite genre of fiction?

Slash, romance mixed with angst, hurt/comfort and fluff ending in a great crescendo leading from the first kiss into smut laced with deep love. I need my OTP to fall in love over and over again, from different angles, with different problems but always ending up in love and happy. Built up on A/B/O verse, Mpreg, AU or Sentinel and Guide, the main thing is that they end up together.

9. What is your favorite flower.

This is one of many: Solidago

10. What is your dream vacation spot and why?

A horse ranch with caddle and working cowboys who are real horsemen. This could be anywhere, preferably where Buck Brannaman hangs out teaching his profound knowledge. Since early teenager days there is this cowgirl heart beating in my chest. I want to learn the work of a cowboy. It's hard, it's intense, it's exhausting and it's my damn thing.

11.What is the most insane (and/or awesome) thing you've ever done?

I worked on Maldives as a dive master with no education in scuba diving at first. But I met this russian guy, I fell in love and he was a tech diver, crazy as fuck. I did hell of a lot of stupid, crazy dives and adventure trips for about 14 months and I was working at a dive school on Maledives.

Wow, that was some work, but thanks so much @consultingfangirl for these awesome questions!

Asked Questions:

1. What were you doing during the day yesterday?

2. Is there a person in your life you broke up with out of whatever reason and you wish to meet her/him again?

3. Is there a scene from your favorite TV Show that blew your mind, still stucks in your head and you have to think at it every now and then? A scene that moved you, knocked the air out of your lungs kind of special scene?

4. Do you know a person in real life who knows fanfiction, the real meaning behind it and is a fangirl/fanboy too?

5.  What would you want to experience but weren't brave enough to just do it?

6. Do you watch porn on tumblr?

7. How does a perfect day should look like?

8. What kind of beauty products do you use in the morning to get fit for the day? (like all of it)

9. How do you celebrate your birthday?

10. Would you step on an empty dancfloor and start dancing just because the music is awesome?

11. Is there a project in your mind, a dream maybe, that you love dearly and maybe one day you want to do it?

And I tag all fo you guys. Feel free to skip it, have fun if you do it!

@loyalty2waystreet @b-n-a-o @mymcdanno @cherryblossomsm @summernightdream70 @rickylloverao3 @indiepjones46 @writing2reachyou @destielvestiges @teamfreewill- @jonibeloni

[180abroad]

Day 128: Islay (Introduction and Arrival)

If you were to crack open a tourist book or do a web search for tourist destinations in Scotland, Islay probably wouldn't feature highly in it. Skye is obviously the most prominent, with its wild scenery and equally wild history of Highlander culture. Mull, Iona, Arran, and the Orkneys all seem to get higher billing as well.

That isn't to say that Islay is an unpopular destination, though. It offers lovely people, awe-inspiring fairytale landscapes, and evocative ruins standing testament to a kingdom long gone. But today, it's mainly famous with a very specific niche of people who are already very well aware of it.

And that niche is Scotch whisky drinkers.

With eight distilleries on one island--plus a ninth under construction and a tenth on the neighboring island of Jura--Islay (pronounced "EYE-luh") is probably the densest center of Scotch whisky production outside of Speyside. Islay whiskies are largely still made in the traditional style, using peat-smoked barely to create spirits with intense aromas and flavors redolent of campfire smoke and ocean brine.

Because they're so aggressively flavored, Islay whiskies are generally placed at the top of the Scotch difficulty curve--to be tackled only after extensive preparation with the gentle spirits of the grassy Lowlands and the sweet nectars distilled from the River Spey in the eastern Highlands. But for me, Islay was my deep-end dive headfirst into the whisky world. And a revelation.

I'd never been a big fan of hard alcohol--or any alcohol for that matter. I could tolerate a sweet, malty beer or a bit of rum mixed with a lot of fruit juice, but that was about it. I didn't even like wine. Scotch whisky was just about the last thing any sane person would expect me to get into, let alone end up on a pilgrimage for.

Like a lot of people's surprising interests, I fell into it in the most roundabout way possible. During a period of unemployment, I decided to stretch my writing skills by adapting one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy novels--Heroes Die, by Matthew Stover--into a screenplay format. The main character of the book mentions several times that his favorite drink is Laphroaig. When I realized that this was a real thing, I decided it might be fun to try it as a way to connect with the character.

Not knowing my Gaelic from my French, I assumed that something called Laphroaig would be a kind of fancy liqueur. What Laphroaig actually is, however, is one of the most unapologetically peaty Islay whiskies you can get.

As the second lucky link in this unlikely chain of discovery, I then took this bottle of Laphroaig to drink with a friend who smokes cigars. Had I first sipped it in my own home, I would probably have condemned it immediately as vile stuff and disposed of it with a firm intention to never reveal my extraordinarily out-of-character indiscretion to anyone.

But that's not what happened. As anyone who has experienced this combination will attest, the mere smell of lingering cigar smoke holds the power to transform the harshest, most medicinal Scotch whisky alchemy-like into a sweet ambrosial beverage.

Not knowing what I had done, I simply marveled at how Scotch whisky--which I had by now learned that Laphroaig was--could be so smooth, warming, and delicious. Sweeter than rum, smoother than brandy, and instantly evocative of childhood campfire memories, this was my drink.

Of course, when I later brought the bottle to share this discovery with my parents in their clean, smoke-free home, the experience was entirely different. It was still smoky and warming, but the sweetness was replaced almost entirely with  ashy bitterness and a medicinal iodine note that my mom dubbed "burning band-aids."

For a long while after that, Scotch remained something for me to sip a few times a year, either in my friend's smoky workshop or alone at my desk on a cold winter night. I tried a more mainstream Speyside whisky--Glenfiddich 12--but I found it cloying and oily. I resigned myself to the idea that maybe I just liked Laphroaig, and even that only on special occasions.

Then one Christmas, my dad got me a bottle of Ardbeg 10, and everything changed again.

Ardbeg is another highly peated Islay whisky, but unlike Laphroaig 10, it is all smoke and no iodine. I could have a full drink of it and warm my cockles without raising my gorge. And my dad loved it, too. Over the two years between that Christmas and I left on this trip, my dad and I explored other Islay whiskies, discovering the joys of Lagavulin 16, Caol Ila 12,  Adrbeg Uigeadail, and Laphraoig Quarter Cask, among others.

When the possibility of us actually visiting Islay together materialized in the form of this trip, it felt almost like fate.

Sadly, we weren't able to extend our newfound passion beyond the two of us. My mom still insisted that they all tasted like band-aids, and while Jessica was able to win me over on wine, our collection of strong Islay whiskies were not at all to her liking. She did try, though--I'll give her that.

Our trip from Edinburgh to Islay was long but smooth and spectacularly scenic. It involved a train to Glasgow, a bus to the port of Kennacraig, and a ferry to Port Ellen, the biggest village on Islay with a population of around 800 people.

Checking out from our B&B was easy, and we were able to catch an earlier train to Glasgow than we expected, giving my dad and me plenty of time to grab a to-go lunch from Pret a Manger while Jessica went ahead to buy our tickets at the bus station. The lines at the bus station were short–Jessica spent less time in the ticket line than she did in the information line to find out which stand our bus would be leaving from.

The bus ride from Glasgow to the ferry terminal at Kennacraig was spectacular. We got to see more of the Highlands and western coast. I said before that Switzerland has the most beautiful landscapes I’ve ever seen. Well, so far Scotland is giving it a hard run for that title.

As our bus went along, we made stops in one cute coastal resort after another. We would have a couple hours to kill in Kennacraig before our ferry left, and we started to get excited about being able to see one of these nice towns. But it was not to be. Kennacraig turned out to be little more than a small office structure next to an old cement pier. There wasn’t even a snack machine in the waiting room.

But at least they had wifi, so I was able to start writing this down. We learned the night before that the wifi was broken at our place in Port Ellen. And the Hebrides Islands aren’t exactly known for stellar cellular data. For at least the next few days, we would be virtually off the grid.

The ferry finally arrived, and much to our relief there was a well-stocked cafeteria aboard. So we settled in at a table, ordered some fish and chips all around, and prepared to enjoy the scenery.

As we've well established, Jessica is not the most calm-stomached seafarer in the world, but fortunately the ride was smooth and we all had a good time.

As we got closer, my dad and I went on deck for a better view. With excitement of two boys on Christmas Eve, we strained our eyes until we could just barely made out the big block letters naming our favorite distilleries along Islay's south coast. Back in the days before GPS, the distilleries painted their names as big as possible on the sides of their buildings to ensure that the supply boats didn't drop off their barley at a competitor's dock.

As the ferry prepared to pull into Port Ellen, the sun shone down on the island like a promised land, and whole scene was like visual poetry in silver monochrome.

It was a short walk from the pier to our Airbnb, but it took us a little longer to figure out that we were actually staying in a guest house in the backyard, and no, the lock box on the front door wasn't supposed to open with the code we'd been given because another guest was staying there. As I anxiously tried to call our host, one of the guests staying in the main house quizzically opened the door and informed us that we were probably out back.

Upon reading our check-in instructions more carefully, I concluded sheepishly that my not having read them more clearly to begin with was probably where we went wrong.

But everything worked out after that. Our code worked perfectly, and our little home on Islay was a dream. Sure, there wasn't any wifi, but in the end we barely missed it--except for each evening when we wanted to check in with family or upload an Instagram post. Then we had to go outside and stand on our toes, waving our phones around in a desperate attempt to dowse for the faintest wisps of data service.

Next Post: Ardbeg and Lagavulin

Last Post: Edinburgh, Part 2 (History, Hiking, and Beer)

[fayecallasdatingblog]

Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love

Lust vs. love: the eternal battle.

For eons, homo sapiens have existed on Earth.

And for eons, homo sapiens have mistaken lust for love.

Cavelady Clara thought she loved Caveman Carl. After all, he brought dinosaur meat home and gave her some beautiful unibrow Cavebabies. But after a few years, she realized those were the best things about him.

While we might feel so evolved compared to Clara and Carl, the fact is: women are still getting it wrong when it comes to lust vs. love. And throw in online dating…and the water just gets murkier.

When your hormones and emotions are raging, it can be difficult to know who’s really controlling the ship, so I created this video and article to help you figure out the difference between physical attraction and love.

Your Coach,

      P.S. If you keep finding yourself in lust vs. love situations, you might need a little guidance finding the one. For a limited time, I’m offering my Find the One training to help you get the right man to pursue you. Sign up while you still can!

Introduction: Understand The Differences Between Lust vs. Love

If you’ve never been in love, how can you be sure it’s not just lust?

Just like love, lust feels pretty fantastic. It lights you up inside. Gives you a reason to get up in the morning. And yet…lust and love are quite different.

Let’s look at characteristics of lust vs. love so that you can learn to separate them.

Lust tends to be present in the early stages of a relationship and is fueled by physical attraction and/or sex. You may have nothing in common with a man, but you have an inexplicable attraction to him. The sex might be fireworks…but general conversation isn’t all that exciting.

When you’re in lust, it’s like your brain is on drugs. MRIs have shown that the same part of the brain that lights up when an addict takes a hit of cocaine as when someone is in lust. You can’t get enough of this guy…but truth be told, you haven’t really gotten to know him on a deeper level. It’s been superficial so far, and that’s okay with you.

Because when things get real, you either end up in love or you realize you have no deep attraction to this person. Maybe you see what he’s like angry or depressed and it sends you running for the hills.

On the other hand…if it’s love, you’re willing to accept a man with all his flaws. While sex is important, it’s not the focus of your relationship. You enjoy spending time with him, but you also continue to do the activities you enjoy outside of your relationship.

There is balance.

So that’s a basic explanation of the differences between lust vs. love. Now the question is: is it a bad thing to be in lust?

Is Being in Lust a Bad Thing?

If you’re both into it, lust is perfectly natural.

Absolutely not. In fact, most healthy relationships begin with a large dose of lust. It’s where things go from there that matter. As long as you’re willing to open up to this guy and see if there’s something of more substance you can build on, lust can be part of a solid relationship.

And ideally, 50 years from now, you can still feel lust for this man, even though you’ve been in love for decades and experienced a ton — both good and bad — together.

The only time I can think that being in lust vs. love might be a negative thing is if you know that he’s falling for you and you know you will never feel the same. Consider how you would feel if the role was reversed and he let you keep thinking that he felt the same when he didn’t.

So unfair.

So if you know that you’ll never fall for a guy, give him the respect of letting him know, even if it means things are over.

7 Differences Between Lust vs. Love

You know you dig this guy…but sometimes you like him more than others. Sometimes, frankly, you’d rather be home alone.

So what’s the deal? Are you in lust or in love? Here are 7 ways to figure it out.

1. The Relationship Revolves Around Sex

via GIPHY

Man. Things are freaking amazing in the bedroom with this guy. It is quite possibly the best sex of your life. That fact alone is enough to make you hope that you’re in love rather than in lust but…

You know his favorite sexual position…but you have no idea if he likes dogs.

You know the nickname he likes you to call him in bed…but not his last name.

He’s been up close and personal with every inch of you…but hasn’t met your friends.

Now, on the one hand, it may just be too early in your relationship to expect to know each other better. And sex is definitely one way new couples get to know each other. But realize that sex is tricky. It can force an emotional connection when there isn’t one, thanks to that cocktail of hormones and pheromones. You can avoid this confusion by simply waiting a while to have sex.

If you resist the very large temptation and then realize that the guy is a complete jerk, you’ll be glad you never slept with him.

If you’ve already been sleeping with him, ask yourself whether you truly enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom…or if that’s the one place you always enjoy him. If it is, you’re definitely in lust vs. love.

2. Your Physical Attraction to Him Minimizes All His Flaws

You stay awake at night fantasizing about his biceps.

“Ooh, I love those tattoos he has on his arms. And the way he picks me up. Not the way his breath stinks, though. Focus on the arms!”

When you’re in lust vs. love, it’s easy to get carried away by your physical attraction to a man and ignore all the things that are wrong about him.

He’s got a chiseled chin and he smells fantastic…but he legitimately thought that Austria was its own continent.

He makes you scream in bed…but he laughs like a hyena.

You may be building a fantasy world around this guy, in part, because you know you have to create fiction to make up for his very real flaws. You’re willing to overlook what would ordinarily be rather large warning signs because you want him on a very basic and physical level.

Now, this isn’t the same as being in love. Yes, when you’re in love, you accept a man’s shortcomings. But you don’t completely ignore them. You’re aware of them and love him anyway, whereas, with lust, you simply bury them so you can focus on the physical connection.

That might work temporarily, but eventually, the fairytale will burn off and you’ll be left with a man who talks with his mouth full. Ug.

3. You Skipped the Friendship Stage

I always encourage my coaching clients to be friends with someone first, even if they’re dating. What do I mean by that? Just spend time getting to know one another and doing activities you enjoy, like you would with a friend.

But if you went straight from sleeping together a lot to meeting his parents, you didn’t really have that friendship stage. Something happened that sped up this relationship from being a casual one to being a serious one…and yet something feels missing.

You can’t force a relationship. I know you might want this guy that you lust after so much to be The One, but if you’re researching lust vs. love, I’m going to have to call it: he’s not The One.

4. You Don’t Really Want to Open Up to Him

Outside of the bedroom, you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

You’re willing to show him the most private areas of your body, to be incredibly intimate physically with this guy, but you are absolutely not willing to tell him anything that makes you feel vulnerable.

Red flag!

As a relationship develops, you should both be opening up gradually to one another as you get to know each other’s personalities and issues. That means you need to feel comfortable talking to him about your fear of commitment, your traumatic relationship history, or even your discomfort in talking about all of this!

I’m not saying you need to open up after two dates, but you should at least want to let him see who you are inside, and not just in the bedroom. This is a classic example of you being in lust vs. love.

5. You Don’t Really Know Him

So you’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks or months and you meet some of his friends for dinner.

“So I’m sure he’s told you about Veronica,” says one friend, “Man, she really changed his life.”

Wait…what? Who’s Veronica? Why don’t you know about someone so important to your boyfriend? Is she a sister? An ex? A dog?

One of the signs of lust is that, even if you’ve spent a decent amount of time together, you still know virtually nothing about him. You talk about easy things, like sports and the weather, but you never dive into the level of, oh, say, Veronica.

If this bothers you, then talk about it. Open up more and ask him more questions about his life and his past. If you don’t really care, acknowledge that you’re in lust.

6. You Don’t Feel Committed to Him

You’re at a time in life when you want to find love and have put a ton of energy into looking for it…but you don’t want to spend longer than an hour with this guy, let alone a lifetime with him.

And yet…you stay.

My dear, you’re in what I call a Good Enough relationship. There are some things you like about this guy (mainly his body and performance), and you figure there’s not enough negative to want to leave. And yet, you find yourself making excuses so you don’t have to hang out with him…or only see him when you know you’ll end up in bed together.

If you’re both acting casual about it, it’s fine. But if he seems to want more from you than you do him, cut him free.

Also, be honest with yourself. If you’re looking for love, aren’t you wasting time with him? You’re not single and so aren’t truly open to finding The One. It’s better to be on your own so that you can focus on attracting love, not lust.

7. You Have a Hard Time Making Plans For the Future

You want to invite this guy to that wedding you were invited to in six months because you’ve been sleeping together the past six months, but you legitimately don’t know if he’d go…or if he’ll still be around…or if you’ll even want him to be.

When you’re headed toward love, you can see making plans because you see a future together. When you’re in lust — with no possibility of love — it’s hard to see beyond today.

If you’re trying to figure out if you’re in lust vs. love, ask yourself: “can I confidently make plans with him six months out? What about three? One month?”

If the answer is no, it’s bound to be lust.

Conclusion:

Be honest about whether lust is enough for you right now.

Knowing whether what you feel is lust or love is incredibly helpful because you can know where to go from here. If you’re genuinely okay with having a casual relationship right now, keep doing what you’re doing. I get that, even if you are looking for forever with a guy, sometimes you want to keep things light. If you truly enjoy his company but can’t see a long-term future with him, just live in the moment.

On the other hand, if you thought you were in love and now realized that it’s just lust, back up a little and reassess what you want and need right now. Is this relationship preventing you from finding true love? You bet. Realign your actions with your goals and get back on track.

In part 2 of this article, I give you the 3 words he says that tell you he’s only in lust with you. Trust me: you’re going to want to read this. But it’s only available to Sexy Confidence members. Ready to join and start reaping all the benefits of this exclusive community? Subscribe now.

  The post Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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[travisandersondatingblog]

Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love

Lust vs. love: the eternal battle.

For eons, homo sapiens have existed on Earth.

And for eons, homo sapiens have mistaken lust for love.

Cavelady Clara thought she loved Caveman Carl. After all, he brought dinosaur meat home and gave her some beautiful unibrow Cavebabies. But after a few years, she realized those were the best things about him.

While we might feel so evolved compared to Clara and Carl, the fact is: women are still getting it wrong when it comes to lust vs. love. And throw in online dating…and the water just gets murkier.

When your hormones and emotions are raging, it can be difficult to know who’s really controlling the ship, so I created this video and article to help you figure out the difference between physical attraction and love.

Your Coach,

      P.S. If you keep finding yourself in lust vs. love situations, you might need a little guidance finding the one. For a limited time, I’m offering my Find the One training to help you get the right man to pursue you. Sign up while you still can!

Introduction: Understand The Differences Between Lust vs. Love

If you’ve never been in love, how can you be sure it’s not just lust?

Just like love, lust feels pretty fantastic. It lights you up inside. Gives you a reason to get up in the morning. And yet…lust and love are quite different.

Let’s look at characteristics of lust vs. love so that you can learn to separate them.

Lust tends to be present in the early stages of a relationship and is fueled by physical attraction and/or sex. You may have nothing in common with a man, but you have an inexplicable attraction to him. The sex might be fireworks…but general conversation isn’t all that exciting.

When you’re in lust, it’s like your brain is on drugs. MRIs have shown that the same part of the brain that lights up when an addict takes a hit of cocaine as when someone is in lust. You can’t get enough of this guy…but truth be told, you haven’t really gotten to know him on a deeper level. It’s been superficial so far, and that’s okay with you.

Because when things get real, you either end up in love or you realize you have no deep attraction to this person. Maybe you see what he’s like angry or depressed and it sends you running for the hills.

On the other hand…if it’s love, you’re willing to accept a man with all his flaws. While sex is important, it’s not the focus of your relationship. You enjoy spending time with him, but you also continue to do the activities you enjoy outside of your relationship.

There is balance.

So that’s a basic explanation of the differences between lust vs. love. Now the question is: is it a bad thing to be in lust?

Is Being in Lust a Bad Thing?

If you’re both into it, lust is perfectly natural.

Absolutely not. In fact, most healthy relationships begin with a large dose of lust. It’s where things go from there that matter. As long as you’re willing to open up to this guy and see if there’s something of more substance you can build on, lust can be part of a solid relationship.

And ideally, 50 years from now, you can still feel lust for this man, even though you’ve been in love for decades and experienced a ton — both good and bad — together.

The only time I can think that being in lust vs. love might be a negative thing is if you know that he’s falling for you and you know you will never feel the same. Consider how you would feel if the role was reversed and he let you keep thinking that he felt the same when he didn’t.

So unfair.

So if you know that you’ll never fall for a guy, give him the respect of letting him know, even if it means things are over.

7 Differences Between Lust vs. Love

You know you dig this guy…but sometimes you like him more than others. Sometimes, frankly, you’d rather be home alone.

So what’s the deal? Are you in lust or in love? Here are 7 ways to figure it out.

1. The Relationship Revolves Around Sex

via GIPHY

Man. Things are freaking amazing in the bedroom with this guy. It is quite possibly the best sex of your life. That fact alone is enough to make you hope that you’re in love rather than in lust but…

You know his favorite sexual position…but you have no idea if he likes dogs.

You know the nickname he likes you to call him in bed…but not his last name.

He’s been up close and personal with every inch of you…but hasn’t met your friends.

Now, on the one hand, it may just be too early in your relationship to expect to know each other better. And sex is definitely one way new couples get to know each other. But realize that sex is tricky. It can force an emotional connection when there isn’t one, thanks to that cocktail of hormones and pheromones. You can avoid this confusion by simply waiting a while to have sex.

If you resist the very large temptation and then realize that the guy is a complete jerk, you’ll be glad you never slept with him.

If you’ve already been sleeping with him, ask yourself whether you truly enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom…or if that’s the one place you always enjoy him. If it is, you’re definitely in lust vs. love.

2. Your Physical Attraction to Him Minimizes All His Flaws

You stay awake at night fantasizing about his biceps.

“Ooh, I love those tattoos he has on his arms. And the way he picks me up. Not the way his breath stinks, though. Focus on the arms!”

When you’re in lust vs. love, it’s easy to get carried away by your physical attraction to a man and ignore all the things that are wrong about him.

He’s got a chiseled chin and he smells fantastic…but he legitimately thought that Austria was its own continent.

He makes you scream in bed…but he laughs like a hyena.

You may be building a fantasy world around this guy, in part, because you know you have to create fiction to make up for his very real flaws. You’re willing to overlook what would ordinarily be rather large warning signs because you want him on a very basic and physical level.

Now, this isn’t the same as being in love. Yes, when you’re in love, you accept a man’s shortcomings. But you don’t completely ignore them. You’re aware of them and love him anyway, whereas, with lust, you simply bury them so you can focus on the physical connection.

That might work temporarily, but eventually, the fairytale will burn off and you’ll be left with a man who talks with his mouth full. Ug.

3. You Skipped the Friendship Stage

I always encourage my coaching clients to be friends with someone first, even if they’re dating. What do I mean by that? Just spend time getting to know one another and doing activities you enjoy, like you would with a friend.

But if you went straight from sleeping together a lot to meeting his parents, you didn’t really have that friendship stage. Something happened that sped up this relationship from being a casual one to being a serious one…and yet something feels missing.

You can’t force a relationship. I know you might want this guy that you lust after so much to be The One, but if you’re researching lust vs. love, I’m going to have to call it: he’s not The One.

4. You Don’t Really Want to Open Up to Him

Outside of the bedroom, you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

You’re willing to show him the most private areas of your body, to be incredibly intimate physically with this guy, but you are absolutely not willing to tell him anything that makes you feel vulnerable.

Red flag!

As a relationship develops, you should both be opening up gradually to one another as you get to know each other’s personalities and issues. That means you need to feel comfortable talking to him about your fear of commitment, your traumatic relationship history, or even your discomfort in talking about all of this!

I’m not saying you need to open up after two dates, but you should at least want to let him see who you are inside, and not just in the bedroom. This is a classic example of you being in lust vs. love.

5. You Don’t Really Know Him

So you’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks or months and you meet some of his friends for dinner.

“So I’m sure he’s told you about Veronica,” says one friend, “Man, she really changed his life.”

Wait…what? Who’s Veronica? Why don’t you know about someone so important to your boyfriend? Is she a sister? An ex? A dog?

One of the signs of lust is that, even if you’ve spent a decent amount of time together, you still know virtually nothing about him. You talk about easy things, like sports and the weather, but you never dive into the level of, oh, say, Veronica.

If this bothers you, then talk about it. Open up more and ask him more questions about his life and his past. If you don’t really care, acknowledge that you’re in lust.

6. You Don’t Feel Committed to Him

You’re at a time in life when you want to find love and have put a ton of energy into looking for it…but you don’t want to spend longer than an hour with this guy, let alone a lifetime with him.

And yet…you stay.

My dear, you’re in what I call a Good Enough relationship. There are some things you like about this guy (mainly his body and performance), and you figure there’s not enough negative to want to leave. And yet, you find yourself making excuses so you don’t have to hang out with him…or only see him when you know you’ll end up in bed together.

If you’re both acting casual about it, it’s fine. But if he seems to want more from you than you do him, cut him free.

Also, be honest with yourself. If you’re looking for love, aren’t you wasting time with him? You’re not single and so aren’t truly open to finding The One. It’s better to be on your own so that you can focus on attracting love, not lust.

7. You Have a Hard Time Making Plans For the Future

You want to invite this guy to that wedding you were invited to in six months because you’ve been sleeping together the past six months, but you legitimately don’t know if he’d go…or if he’ll still be around…or if you’ll even want him to be.

When you’re headed toward love, you can see making plans because you see a future together. When you’re in lust — with no possibility of love — it’s hard to see beyond today.

If you’re trying to figure out if you’re in lust vs. love, ask yourself: “can I confidently make plans with him six months out? What about three? One month?”

If the answer is no, it’s bound to be lust.

Conclusion:

Be honest about whether lust is enough for you right now.

Knowing whether what you feel is lust or love is incredibly helpful because you can know where to go from here. If you’re genuinely okay with having a casual relationship right now, keep doing what you’re doing. I get that, even if you are looking for forever with a guy, sometimes you want to keep things light. If you truly enjoy his company but can’t see a long-term future with him, just live in the moment.

On the other hand, if you thought you were in love and now realized that it’s just lust, back up a little and reassess what you want and need right now. Is this relationship preventing you from finding true love? You bet. Realign your actions with your goals and get back on track.

In part 2 of this article, I give you the 3 words he says that tell you he’s only in lust with you. Trust me: you’re going to want to read this. But it’s only available to Sexy Confidence members. Ready to join and start reaping all the benefits of this exclusive community? Subscribe now.

  The post Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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[artisthousemusic-blog]

Touring The World

By Marc Broussard

As a professional, my first real trip away from home was opening a couple of shows for Ari Hest in Texas. We went up there the night before, and met Ari at his show with Jason Mraz in College Station. Momentary Setback had only been out a few months. Ari was working merch when we arrived, and just before I peeked into the hall to see Mraz, a gal walks up to me and shoves my shoulder saying, “I know who you are. You’re Marc Broussard!” I hadn’t even really played a show outside of Lafayette, and here’s a bona fide fan of mine heaping a load of praise in my direction. I was stunned! Little did I know how this encounter would set the stage for most every encounter I’d ever have from that point on.

I’m still dear friends with that first road fan. She’s been to my house and knows my wife and I well enough to call anytime. As a matter of fact, she was my wife’s maid of honor! She was, and still is, a champion for me—working at times to spread the message of how my music has brought a little joy to her life. I haven’t the faintest idea why. You see, I don’t think I ever lost the wonder of being blindsided by such stories. I’ve found myself coasting along, battered by waves, and aimless in my pursuits for most of my career. It’s served me alright for a while, but more important are the stories that result from that kind of bumbling along. From the good to the bad and everything in between, I’m diving deep into my memory for a chance at breathing life into an epic tale told by a fly on the wall. It’s a story of perpetually being open to the gift of a precious moment—whether it is for you or for someone else. Here’s to the late nights and drunken ones, to the hungover sound checks and meet and greets, to wild drunkards at merch and the merch mama’s that have to fight ‘em off! Here’s to the fans who are my champions, as I am theirs. Here’s to The Sheriff.

____________________________________________________________________________

The Ugly

I don’t want to go into great detail about the worst fan encounters, but I will say the good suffer for the bad. When I get to meet my fans, I generally try my best to be friendly with everybody. Small talk isn’t easy for everybody, though, so some encounters can be a tad awkward. These aren’t the ugly ones; I love these encounters. The real ugly ones are the drunks that are brand new to my music. Maybe a friend or family member brought the fella out to the show and he just so happens to run into me afterwards. This guy had such a good time that he can’t fathom why I’m not more famous. This is where it gets interesting. He—a total stranger, mind you—starts giving me business advice! He’s telling things like, “That Georgia song! Go with that one!!” as if that song is somehow gonna make me famous overnight if I just mail it to radio stations 13 years after it was released?!

I wouldn’t have much to say about this guy other than a punchline or two except that he’s usually big and touchy. Touchy in more than one sense, too. He loves to grab on me and demand to show me the town and he’s also usually quite sensitive to any kind of challenge to his ego or sincerity.

The kind of joshing I would normally engage in with my friends or even my sons could easily get me into trouble with a goon like this. It can be hard to know what he’s thinking at any given moment so it’s best to mind the p’s and q’s.

Sometimes the gals can get a little wild, too. Although, it’s exceedingly rare and they’re usually more familiar with who I am. It’s been a long while since, but I can remember this woman asking to nibble on my ear while I was signing merch. I said, “Lady, I’m a married man.” She said, “So am I. Just real quick.” I haven’t quite had to develop signals for this kind of psycho, but you can better believe I was throwing up red flags to my guys that night! Once again, these encounters happen so infrequently it barely merits mentioning. Were it not for the comedic value, I wouldn’t spend time on it at all.

The Bad (Conversationalist)

Small talk. We all know what it is. Not all of us are good at it. And those that are, aren’t good at it all the time. Small talk has (probably) started epic love affairs and major conflicts. You wanna know why being a new dad feels so awkward at first? No small talk. It’s this kind of mundane conversation that lets you know the pulse of the other person—their flow and rhythm. When small talk goes well, you walk away saying, “Well that was nice.” Kind of feels like you made a new friend. But when it goes bad, you say, “Oh my word, how weird?! Am I weird?! That was so weird!!” What’s worse is that lots of people I make small talk with already know a great deal about me.

They know my name and feign offense when I introduce myself. They know where I’m from, my wife and kids’ names, my parents’ names, where I went to high school and a whole lot more. And I know nothing about them. So unless they have something to tell me, I’m gonna have to make small talk. Sometimes they’re shaking with excitement which makes me excited. I’ll grab ‘em and just softly yell, “OH MY GOD!” to try and break up the tension. That usually gets a laugh and not much more. I’ve also resigned myself to let the fans sort it out in the parking lot which of them was the biggest a-hole to me. My fans are generally fantastic people who won’t let a slight against me or they go without at least confronting it, forcefully, if necessary. This usually involves people that make it up to the front row late in the show or people that cut in line at merch. You wanna see a middle-class suburban lady lose her shit? Try elbowing your way up to the front during “Beauty of Who You Are.” You will learn quickly how elbows can be used. #lol

The Good

I recently thought about what my job description would look like on a job posting site. Needless to say, it’s an attractive profession on many levels, not the least of which is the praise. Imagine virtually every customer heaping praise upon you every chance they got. Well, I don’t have to because I get to experience it. For a while there, I think the praise clouded my judgement and overfed my ego a bit too much. I call it the Tiger Woods Syndrome. You grow up being told how awesome you are and you start to buy the hype. Then something comes along that challenges your assumptions and it rocks you. Luckily, I have a strong support system and was able to find my purpose early in life. I found out what it is I’m here for, at least in part, so it’s made me see things more clearly.

The praise I receive from fans often takes the shape of a story. They’re stories about how my music affected someone’s life. From the estranged father and son to the couple sharing a first dance, my songs are the soundtrack for bringing people together in love, and that’s exactly how I wanted it. These stories are life-affirming for me. They let me know that I’m on the right track and give me the fuel I need to keep going. Some are quite heavy and bring me to tears. I share them with my wife and we talk about tragedy. One of my favorite things to see is a couple on the dance floor during a show, not looking at me or the band … just at each other. Those are beautiful moments that I’m privileged to witness. Some might say “barf” but I’m a sucker for romance. The real kind, that is. That’s why I’m here. I’m here to tell the real story of love and to let you know that it exists. Fairytales don’t exist but that deep, abiding, faithful, passionate love does. I’ve seen it. I have it. I’ve lost it and won it back. My fans tell me about it all the time. It’s real, ya heard me?!

I’ve met more people than most. It’s just part of the job. I’m not always in the mood to meet new people but I do always enjoy it. In general, most people are good, even some of the bad ones. I’ve met and befriended folks from all walks and cultures, and we really are all very similarly awkward. It’s mostly because we all want to be loved. Love is our highest function. It’s what we are designed for, chiefly. This is all just my opinion, mind you, but it’s an opinion based on years of careful observation. Why I am here isn’t much different from why we are here, either. Sounds kinda sappy but I believe it’s true. Like Maze said, “Love is the key.”

Touring the world has been the best education of my life. Getting the chance to become just another person on the streets of Paris, Berlin, Zurich, New York, Tokyo, and so many more, gave me perspective I could not have received otherwise. To get to be the “other,” or the “outsider” that no one sees and then to be thrust into the spotlight is to witness two extremes of human experience: with and without external love. I’ve been so lonely as to feel a tenuous grasp on life itself, because, make no mistake, the absence of love is death. No love for oneself is the quickest way to the grave. Fortunately for me, there are lots of really wonderful people out there who don’t mind letting me know just how much I’m loved.

I’m forever grateful to them all.