#like my uni said I can use the old biology building

[from-beyond]

Still soooooo disappointed I wasn’t able to get my “lesbian reanimator” short film made last year. I literally had the script, cast, and locations, I just didn’t have enough time 😔😔😔

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom. (Uni!lock)

An Old Joke

Like with so many things, it was Mycroft who learned Sherlock to build houses with playing cards. When Sherlock was bored almost to death, the simple task made his brain focus and find new solutions to construct the perfect house of cards.

At the age of seven, he was a master, even surpassing his older brother. His parents thoroughly believed he wanted to be an architect at that point, which both brothers dismissed as utter nonsense.

John was in awe over Sherlock’s skills when he showed off at the second week of uni, but when Sherlock waved it away as nothing, John surprised him.

“Challenge yourself then if you think of this card palace as a minor thing,” he said with a mischievous grin.

“Elaborate,” Sherlock retorted, sceptical that anything could make the building more interesting.

“From what I can see, you only operate with unused or fairly new cards. I think you’ll find it quite difficult to build a two stories high house with these,” John said innocently and presented a stack of cards.

The cards were old. Worn and soft, lacking the sharp edges of Sherlock’s cards. Some missed a bit of a corner, others were bent. Sherlock rolled his eyes and stated that it would be impossible to get John’s cards to do anything but collapse.

“I’m sure you can figure something out, posh boy,” John said and winked at him before he went downstairs for dinner.

***

Sherlock got absorbed in the difficult assignment John had presented him with. When John had rugby practise, slept, or had biology classes, Sherlock practised with his old cards. As predicted, it was futile, until he went to get his mail in the secretary’s office. 

“Am I allowed to use that?” Sherlock asked, and pointed at a machine on the opposite wall, trying to be as polite as possible to ensure to get permission.

“What for?” the secretary asked suspiciously.

Sherlock had a rather questionable reputation already, but he managed to charm the middle-aged woman, and gained access to what he presumed would be the solution to his predicament.

***

When John emerged from the showers a week later, Sherlock had built five small houses with the old cards. John’s eyes widened in surprise and astonishment, before his brows furrowed. He walked slowly against Sherlock’s desk, and once he realised how Sherlock had solved the puzzle he started to giggle. It was Sherlock’s favourite sound in the whole world.

“You are amazing,” John said when he’d gathered himself. “I told you, though.”

“Mm, so you did,” Sherlock murmured and crowded in on John.

“What are you doing?” John asked gingerly.

“Claiming my prize,” Sherlock purred.

“What prize?” John whispered; his eyes fixed on Sherlock’s lips.

“I’m sure you can figure that out, captain,” Sherlock answered and bent down to connect his lips with John’s.

***

A decade later, Greg Lestrade walked into the living room of 221B and stopped abruptly. Sherlock sat by the desk, which for once was cleared of the normal clutter, and before him was a house built of old playing cards. It was high and remarkably sturdy. When Greg moved closer to the table, he paused for a second, not sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

“Are those cards laminated?” he asked incredulously.

Sherlock hummed in agreement but didn’t take his eyes off the construction.

“Hi, Greg,” John greeted when he entered the room from the kitchen, bringing two mugs of tea.

“John,” Greg said and gestured with his head in Sherlock’s direction.

John placed Sherlock’s mug carefully on the desk, far enough away to not disturb the building, and near enough for Sherlock to reach when he wanted a sip.

“What’s with the lamination?” Greg asked silently.

“Oh, just an old joke,” John said and shrugged.

“Must be by the look of them,” Greg deadpanned.

“Oi! Don’t be disrespectful of my cards,” John protested half-heartedly.

“Your cards?” Greg asked, evidently none the wiser.

“Just tell him, John, or we’ll never hear the end of it,” Sherlock huffed and took a sip of tea.

“You’re quite the genius yourself,” Greg said when John finished the story behind the cards.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Cheeky bastard is what people normally said about my behaviour and appearance back in uni,” John retorted.

“We both were,” Sherlock stated and made room for himself in John’s lap, giving him a soft kiss.

John giggled into the kiss, Sherlock snuggled into John’s neck and sighed contentedly before he rose and turned to face Greg.

“You have a case. Where?” he wanted to know.

Greg cleared his throat awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Piccadilly. Um…Grosvenor Casino,” he retorted.

“You have got to be joking!” John exclaimed.

“´Fraid not, John,” Greg sighed.

Sherlock’s deep rumble was soon joined by John’s higher pitched laughter, and for once Greg descended the stairs with a hopeful feeling that Sherlock would behave on the crime scene where the croupier lay dead surrounded by playing cards that consisted only of hearts of spades.

---------------------------

This is also my entry to this month's Sherlock Challenge and the prompt Joke.

@flashfictionfridayofficial @sherlockchallenge @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno

@jolieblack @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @raina-at @helloliriels

@topsyturvy-turtely @peanitbear @phoenix27884 @221beloved @ninasnakie

@bs2sjh @a-victorian-girl @meetinginsamarra @meandhisjohn @brandiwein1982

(Tell me if you want to be added or removed from the list)

[bugbyte]

Can’t sleep, time to write. Health stuff, but in the good way, mostly! I got fitted for my wheelchair! My genetic test is sequencing! It’s exciting and I’m trying to distract myself from the rest of everything in my life!!

So, wheelchair appointment. More complex than I thought; several guys from the company that orders and services them, a physical therapist, and me.

They had me try out two chairs - one that’s more of a scooter thing which I did not love and a lightweight manual one with this really cool thing called a SmartDrive that optionally makes it powered, which I absolutely loved. Main guy from the equipment co. was insistent I would do better in the scooter type chair, and got a little ‘splainy with me in ways I didn’t really like, but in the end I tested both and I’m going with the lightweight one.

The scooter thing did break down into a couple pieces so it can fit in the car, but the problem is I could never lift any of them on my own. The motor portion is like 30 pounds by itself. I just want the option to be able to manage alone if I end up in that kind of situation - which could happen if I’m visiting my parents or something, because they’re old and couldn’t do it either. Or if I just want to go out somewhere, heck, I don’t have to justify why I want to go places. That was sort of a strange argument to have to make.

There definitely was a learning curve to the smartdrive, but it felt delightful to use. Basically the motor is only ever on or off, with a dial for speed, and then you have to use hand grip on the manual wheels to turn. More complicated than the joystick on the other one but I weirdly felt like I had better control. It felt like going for a walk, normally. Delade and I took a lap of the building and it was just this swell of joy because we haven’t been able to do that in a really long time. I could have cried. I cannot wait to go places again and be able to do things for more than 10 minutes before my legs are on fire and all my blood is in my feet.

Anyway I got to pick a color and it’s gonna be Ferrari Red™️ (did they license that? Prob not) and I’m gonna get flame stickers to put on it. Needs a name, haven’t thought of one, yet.

So! Genetic test! My health insurance has been jerking us around so long that the university hospital I’ve been going to just got disgusted and said they would pay for it themselves. I still have to try and fight them to get the uni paid back, but if I fail I still won’t get billed for it. They should get paid though, they’re amazing people doing incredible work.

So I swabbed out my cheeks and put it in tubes and mailed it out as a Biohazard (I’m a biohazard!!) all of which was not terribly exciting but also very exciting. The collection bits looked like cotton swabs but weren’t. Left my cheeks feeling scuffed, but not like bleeding or anything. Just a strange feeling and it’s basically already gone.

The test is out, and I got access to a tracking portal with info on its status and it’s sequencing right now. The portal had a list of all the genes they’re testing for and I just had this wild moment of humbling. So the first human genome was fully sequenced in 2000. I took biology in college around 2005, and so much of it still was kind of new-ish, but we learned a bunch about it. I figured out now I can grab the individual gene names and plug them into a search on GeneCards and it really is just…humbling. I’m far from very knowledgeable about this stuff but I know enough to sort of piece it together and see what does what, what they’re looking for. I just have this sense of awe that this is even possible, like if I had been born just handful of years sooner we wouldn’t have this yet. Anyway I’m probably going down a genetics rabbit hole for a while. It’s human legos. I’m fascinated. Or maybe I’m just having an emotional week.

Anyway we decided to play a friendly game of Gene Roulette and I know where I’m putting my money, however unlikely it might actually be. I just have a gut feeling about one of them, but I’m going to sit on it and see.

Anyway that’s the exciting good news, amid all the sadness around here. Grief continues. I have no idea when I’ll be able to afford something like this, but I decided I’m getting my cat’s paw prints tattooed on my leg in the spot where he would always put them when he came to just sit with me while I was in pain. Always just a little above my right knee, slightly to the outer part of my thigh. Then he’ll still be sitting there with me, always.

We keep talking about getting another cat, but someday. Not yet. We’re not in a situation that could handle an emergency, should something bad happen, and honestly I think I’m just going to have to grit it out for a while while the hole in my heart tries to fill in. Do I ever want a little snuggle creature to pet and hold, though.

[hannie-dul-set]

araw-araw [na jaemin]

(EVERY DAY)

part of “the puhon playlist” collection

SUMMARY | mahiwaga— someone or something that you’ll choose every single day no matter the circmstance. and for you, that was na jaemin. even if time decides to set you apart PAIRING | na jaemin x female! reader GENRE | childhood friends to lovers! au, college! au, romance, slow-ish burn, fluff, humor, tiny angst, biology major jaemin and art major mc HEHE WARNINGS | excessive swearing, insecurities, some sex jokes LMAO, i project a lot in this i’m sorry JSFJG WORD COUNT | 14.5k TAGLIST | @prettyjaems @lcvemark @shra-vasti @danishmiilk @probablygonnahurtsomebody @jccv @rebel-lious-alien @dalkomhanchocolateicecream @kthpurplesyou @fullsuhnshine​ @dejvns @nctzun @sweetjaemss @sehunniepot @wownajaemin @emoshishi @holywaterbetch @ukiyoneo @injunified @huangxx​ @jaehyunnie3​ @nct-writers​ @czennienet​ @neowritingsnet​ @kpopscape​

a/n: HERE IT IS.... MY PRIDE AND JOY JHSFJSD gahh okay i’m gonna keep my rambling to a minimum but this fic is very close and very dear to my heart and if it isn’t obvious that i’m in love with jaemin then this fic will make it obvious LMAO

also do yourself a favor and listen to ben&ben’s araw-araw on loop while reading this!! adds to the ~vibe~ hehe

Five-thirty-seven in the morning, grey clouds stretching throughout the sky as you peeked outside the window, falling right above oceans and buildings and people that you couldn’t even see. You sighed as you sank deeper into your chair, closing your eyes and adjusting your earbuds to clear your thoughts that were brought about by your sudden move.

You felt a nudge from beside you, coming from your mother (your dad was long knocked out since earlier), and so you politely pulled the earbuds away. “Excited to come back to Korea?” she asked. You simply responded with a smile and hum.

It wasn’t like you didn’t like the idea of returning— it was the prospect that it did not even feel like you were returning in the first place. Indifference was what you felt. After moving to Los Angeles when you were twelve because of your father’s job, you had to say goodbye to all your friends living in your hometown, all the traditions and customs that you were used to, and all the memories that you have built up in order to get used to a new environment. Seven years later when you thought you were just about to fit in with the west, your father comes out with the news of going back to Seoul again.

So it was difficult to manage a full smile.

You had a thought as you looked down through the window, recognizing a few of the landmarks that stood out: how strange it was to have somewhere that used to be home feel so foreign.

Just as you were about to put in your earbuds back in, your mother suddenly brightened, looking at you with a large smile on her face, eliciting your curious gaze.

“Oh! Do you still remember your old friend Jaemin?”

A smile tugged at your lips. How could you forget him?

Na Jaemin. Nana. Jaems. Your childhood best friend for six years until you were forcibly shipped all the way to LA. You still remembered how hesitant you were to tell him that you were moving because you didn’t want him to cry— only to have you crying and refusing to let go of him until your parent's pried you off of him at the airport. He assured you while wiping away your tears that you’d still get to see him one day.

Maybe that day would actually be one of these days.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, fiddling with the drawstrings of your jacket. “Why? I haven’t been in contact with him for years now.”

“His mom and I talked the other day and I told her that we’re moving back! And just earlier, she told me that Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport so we won’t have to take a cab. Isn’t that great? You’d get to be reunited with your old friend again.”

“Ah,” you paused for a moment, in thought, just before pressing your lips together into a tight smile. “Yeah, it would be nice to see him again.”

That was what you said, but even until you left the plane, lugging your baggage across the cold floors of the airport with your music at full volume to drown out the noise, you were actually rather conflicted about meeting him again. A lot could happen within seven years, and therefore there was no assurance that things would still be the same. You weren’t sure if he’d still be the same sweet boy that was determined to fight the park swings after you fell and cried, if he’d still be the same kid that stopped talking to you for three days because you tricked him into eating a strawberry flavored lollipop. Maybe he’d still be, maybe he wouldn’t, but it was exactly that uncertainty that made you feel uneasy.

Still, there was still a hint of excitement, a string that tugged your heart away from all the uneasiness, just enough to bring a smile to your face at the thought of seeing him again.

“Y/N, let’s go?”

Your father called out to you and you didn’t even realize that you have actually stopped walking amidst your musings.

“Oh, yeah I—” you stumbled in between the ever moving airport crowd, looking down to see your shoelace had become undone, and so you let go of your suitcase. “You two go ahead, I’ll catch up in a sec!”

You ducked down, right beside the large, grey case to fix it, lips pursed in concentration. People passed by without minding you too much, but at one instance, just as you had finished retying your shoelace, your suitcase moved away from you with a shadow looming from above. Panic struck, and so you jolted up, instincts forcing your hand to move, quickly grabbing the handle. There was another hand resting on it. Your eyes moved up to meet with the culprit's.

Weirdly enough, he was just as shocked as you are.

Even weirder— he looked way, way too attractive to be a thief. Or maybe that was the modus these days? Still, you harshly dragged back the suitcase, ripping it away from his grasp with a glare. “What the fuck—”

At that moment, you recalled your mother’s words. Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport. This guy looked a little too much like your old friend from your old neighborhood.

It felt like you were looking into the exact same large, dark eyes that used to be always accompanied by a pretty smile, now matched by a mouth hanging slightly agape from surprise. He even had the same dark hair that always messily fell over his eyes. There was a moment of pause in between the rush of bodies, the both of you in a frozen trance staring at each other until you had finally realized that motherfucker— this was Na Jaemin.

When did he get so hot?

“I—”

He flashed you a smile. The same damned smile. It brought you to the conclusion that seven years really didn’t do anything except make him far too attractive for his own good. All of a sudden you felt self-conscious about your own appearance as you gawked at him. God really liked to play favorites, huh?

You could see him say something, his lips moving just enough to represent a few words, but it was muffled thanks to the blaring music. Your confusion reflected clearly on your face contorting, and Jaemin only shook his head and laughed before reaching his hands to your face, bringing you to a momentary halt of haywire because what the actual fuck was he doing.

“You shouldn’t listen to music too loudly in public,” he said, pulling your earbuds out of your ears and gingerly placing them into your open palms with a smile. Holy fuck, his voice got so deep. “I’ve been calling out to you since earlier, but you couldn’t hear. Let’s go, your parents are waiting.”

Before you could even try to recollect yourself from the sudden crashing of events, Jaemin took your suitcase in your stead, leading you to his car.

If you still weren’t sure whether or not this was Na Jaemin from your past, you were now because although a bit watered down, he was just as excessively weird and sweet as he was ages ago. You found yourself feeling stupid for even doubting it in the first place. Of course, he was still the same; he even chirps your name in the same way as he always did before.

“There we go,” with a huff, the trunk came to a close. He threw your suitcase in there after seeing your mini struggle episode with far too little effort for your peace of mind. “You should just ask me next time. Okay, Y/N?”

“Thanks,” you gave him a small nod, flustered when he pinched your left cheek while making a questionable noise, and he opened the car door for you to enter.

Maybe it was you that had changed.

You were fairly quiet throughout the car ride while your parents and Jaemin decided to catch up after everything, only listening and giving your reactions whenever needed. You weren’t a morning person and your jetlag wasn’t doing you of any help either.

“You’re in your third year, right Jaemin?” your father asked, sitting at the front seat as your mother and you sat behind.

“Yep, yep,” he happily replied.

“Time really does fly fast, doesn’t it?” your mother joined in. “What uni do you go to, Jaemin?”

“Ah,” he sounded, eyes still directed on the road. “NCT U. It’s the closest at home, and I didn’t really wanna move out.”

“Oh, what a coincidence! Y/N isn’t that where you’re planning on going, too?”

“Really?” you could see Jaemin’s eyes brighten from the mirrors. “Y/N, do you want me to help you with your requirements? Have you enrolled already? I can give you a tour if you want!”

He’s really the same. You thought, smiling. “It’s fine, Jaemin. I already enrolled and took care of everything online.”

“But I should still tour you, though!” he retorted, the pout and whine evident in his voice. “The campus is really big so you might get lost. Ah, but aren’t universities in the States much bigger? I can also introduce you to some of my friends if you like.”

Jaemin went on for a while, telling your parents not to worry and promising that he’d take care of you throughout your college life here in Korea despite your protests that you could very much take care of your own self. Eventually, your mother asked about his major, and his animated expressions dimmed down into a slight bashfulness after answering that he was taking biology. You joined the conversation upon hearing that. “You said back then that you wanted to be a surgeon, right?”

With a shy smile, he nodded, and at that moment you felt a rush of awe for your childhood friend. Your parents seemed to have reacted the same way seeing as he was growing a little more embarrassed. It was amazing how he held on to the same dream he held since he was a kid— the amount of passion and dedication he must have for it. You on the other hand—

“What about you, Y/N?”

You jumped at the sudden subject switch. “Oh, I’m—” a pause in your statement. “I’m… taking an arts course.”

“Wow! As expected, Y/N is as cool as always,” he doted, which caused you to flush.

“It’s— it’s not really that amazing, it’s just the only thing I’m kinda good at so—”

“No, no, no. Y/N, you shouldn’t say that,” he scolded, clicking his tongue while his hands remained on the wheel. Your mother was beside you yet he was the one doing the mom nagging. “Who is that again? Bob Ross? Leonardo DiCaprio? You’re gonna be much much much better than them someday, I just know it! I have something called Nana vision, you know.”

You stifled a quiet laugh, not having the heart to correct him that it was not DiCaprio. “Does your Nana vision also see that we’re already almost at the complex?”

“Oh!”

At your words, Jaemin’s attention was now a hundred percent back on driving, profusely apologizing for getting distracted. You could see his ears slightly reddening from your seat which lasted until the end of the drive. Jaemin helped your family carry everything to your apartment on the eighth floor, even volunteering to help you unpack. Your mother firmly declined, however, insisting him to take a rest after all his help, but she did invite him and his parents over for dinner tomorrow. A little reunion of sorts.

“Six in the evening, right?”

“Yes. You should head back home now, Jaemin. Thank you for everything.”

He shot a bright smile before readying to march outside. “We’ll be here by five!”

She laughed at him, shaking her head, and proceeded to look for you inside the mess of the living room. You were about to disappear inside your room, luggage in hand to unpack, but she quickly dragged you back by the ear. “Go see him out the door!” she whisper-yelled, and so you did. Fortunately, he was stopped by your father before he got to leave, so you took this opportunity to smoothly stride beside him as he slipped past the door when he said goodbye. The door clicked to a close. He raised a brow at you.

“Mother’s orders,” you answered.

“So you wouldn’t have gone out if she didn’t tell you to?” he huffed, pouting. “And I was really happy to see you, too. I think I might have to take that back.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing, and eventually you made it to the end of the hallway. “Too late. You can’t take back your happiness. It’s good to see you again, Jaemin.”

The both of you stopped right in front of the elevator, and you waited for him to depart, but he didn’t. He had his arms crossed over his chest, accompanied by an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite tell if it was hurt, disappointment, or offense. Probably all three. Definitely all three.

“What? are you putting up a wall between us? Don’t I mean anything to you anymore?” he groused, nose scrunching. “What happened to Jaems? Nana? Y/N, you’re seriously hurting me over here.”

Laughing at the way he was sticking his frown right into your face to prove his point, you playfully shoved him off, pushing him into the elevator after all of his complaints even though he was the one moving his feet, anyway. You missed him, that much you could conclude, therefore you decided to stop his whining just before the elevator doors came to a close.

“See you tomorrow, Nana.”

You grinned, not missing the way his eyes lit up in between the small gap. You really did miss him, and you were lucky enough to have him as a small memory to remind you that this place was indeed home.

Maybe it wasn’t just Jaemin that you had missed. The entire family was just a smack in the face of early childhood nostalgia that you nearly cried (thank god you didn’t) when Mrs. Na buried you into a bone crushing hug the moment she saw you when you opened the door. You were really happy to be back— even when you weren’t exactly sure before.

“Mom, I think you’re suffocating, Y/N,” Jaemin pointed out as he left his shoes in front of your doorstep, walking inside with his father following behind him.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just couldn’t believe that this is you!” she coddled, and somewhere in between Jaemin found himself beside you. “I think I have pictures of you two when you were younger, hold on—”

Mrs. Na was pushed forward by her husband as she dug through her phone for a decade old Facebook posts of you and Jaemin (you hoped she wouldn’t remember you had an entire album). The older man ruffled your hair as he passed by with a fond smile, disappearing into the dining table where your parents were preparing and leaving you and Jaemin behind.

He was looking at you. Questionably so.

“What?”

“It’s not fair,” he whined. “I didn’t get to hug you yesterday.”

Oh my god, you shook your head, grabbing the sleeve of his mint jacket and leading him to where your parents were to help. “You’ll have more opportunities, you loser. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Jaemin was speechless for a moment as he let you drag him along, but a happy smile broke through and he matched your steps halfway.

“Yeah,” he agreed. You weren’t going anywhere.

Dinner followed the usual sequence of events: reminiscing about the past, asking both parties what they have been up to, and of course talks about the future. During the meal, Jaemin asked when your classes were starting (next week), and he proposed his promised tour to be held this Tuesday— two days from now— because he didn’t have a lot of classes that day. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, neither did your parents, so you ended up agreeing.

Unfortunately for you, your mother pulled out the ancient photo album of the past right after dinner, and the stark contrast between yours and Jaemin’s reactions were also album worthy. By the end of it, you were sure that smoke was emitting from your ears because your good friend had an affinity with screaming over how cute you were, even going as far as stealing one of your baby pictures right before they decided to make their leave.

“Ah, ah,” he pulled the photo away the moment he sensed your attempt of theft. You two were standing right in front of the open door, his parents already having left ahead. “I’m keeping this. You look so cute here.”

“How am I so sure you won’t blackmail me with that!”

An offended gasp. “I would never,” he took out his phone, inserting your picture inside his colored phone case with you watching his every move. “It’s for me to see only, so you don’t need to worry.”

You looked at him. Then to the phone that he was holding up with a confident smile. You let out a sigh.

“Fine,” you begrudgingly relented, and he waddled over to you with a big smile on his face to envelop you into a hug. He smells nice, you thought, reciprocating the embrace. Wait, isn’t this my perfume? That would explain what he was doing inside your room earlier. You could only sigh inwardly let him keep on hugging you. He was whining about it earlier, after all.

It lasted long, maybe a bit too long because his dad came back to fetch him.

“Mhm, you can trust me with anything, Y/N,” Jaemin mumbled before finally pulling away, his hands still resting on your shoulders as he did. “Anyway, before I go— should we exchange phone numbers?”

Tuesday came by, and you were met with two realizations. Both of which made you feel very very small in comparison.

One, NCT U was really freaking big.

Two, Na Jaemin was really freaking popular.

Granted, he had only shown you around the STEM department, but with every turn that you took and every hallway that you passed through, there was least one person that stopped by to say hi to him. Even some of the teachers were close with him. You should have expected it considering he was literally nice, smart, handsome, and everything you could ever ask for, but it still made him feel just a tiny bit out of reach.

“Are you feeling tired?” he asked, breaking away from a conversation with a senior. He put a hand over your shoulder with concern that reflected in his eyes. “We can take a break around the benches if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. After you—”

“I’ll talk to you later, hyung. See you around.”

Jaemin waved off his older friend, Yuta, you had overheard, and proceeded to lead you to the aforementioned area on the ground floor before stopping by a vending machine to get some drinks. You pressed your lips together, feet shuffling as you waited behind him, and then you finally decided to speak. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” he asked, slotting in a few coins into the machine.

“You— you with your friend,” you fumbled, trying your best to speak your mind, but how were you supposed to say ‘cut your conversation short with your friend because of me’ without seeming like a total headass? You could have waited until they were finished.

With a soft smile, he passed a canned, carbonated drink into your hands— lemon, you read— and took one for himself. He didn’t answer your incomprehensible question and decided to walk across the field leading to a bench area, but you were sure he got what you were trying to say. He simply chose not to answer. Or did he? Hell, you didn’t even know anymore. Annoyed, you decided to gulp down the drink in one go to distract yourself, even when the bubbles stung your throat. Jaemin stared at you in horror.

“Were you that thirsty? You should have told—”

“Na Jaemin!”

In sync, your heads snapped towards the direction of the ear-ripping screech, which was quite coincidentally where you two were headed. There were two boys sitting on a bench, one more on the table with a guitar. You assumed that it was one of them that screamed out your friend’s name— probably the one that was making eye contact with him before dramatically turning away with a butchered sob.

“Na Jaemin! Traitor of the brotherhood! I remember when he would still come running the moment I call his name but now— forgotten for dust! He doesn’t care about us anymore, Renjun. He even has a new—”

“What are you on about this time, Haechan?”

Haechan’s evidently fake sobbing stopped, pushing away the boy that he had just been crying into moments prior. “Oh you’re here,” he deadpanned.

It was almost horrific how three pairs of eyes immediately zeroed in on you as you meekly hid behind Jaemin, causing the hairs at the back of your neck to stand as if you were about to die in a fucking horror movie. You could tell from that alone that despite having many friends, these guys were probably his closest— whether it was better or worse, you had no idea. All of a sudden you were dawned with the intimidating task of trying to get them to like you, which was already way too out of reach because the one with the guitar was practically ripping you to shreds with his eyes alone.

“Please stop trying to scare, Y/N. Jeno, you might actually make her cry, stop that.”

“Whoops,” Jeno stopped his death staring. “Hyuck initiated it.”

“Actually it was Renjun, but whatever,” before Renjun could even bite back after being falsely accused, Haechan had already blocked him off and had directed his attention towards you, legs crossed and a critical gaze. “Fuck formalities. Y/N, right? Who are you and why are you trying to steal—”

“Alright, no more scare tactics. Y/N, there are my friends, Jeno, Haechan— or Donghyuck, whichever you prefer, he doesn’t mind— and Renjun. They’re just trying to mess with you, don’t worry. Friends, this Y/N L/N, my childhood friend for like four, five years before she left Korea and moved to LA.”

The term childhood friend lit a spark within the three boys, but before they could do or say anything dangerous that would jeopardize your relationship, Jaemin the ever popular boy was called out by a group of girls. He excused himself to leave for a moment, but not before apologizing to you a million times over (“If you’re really sorry,” Renjun chided before he ran off. “Treat us and Miss Y/N to Kun’s, yeah?”). He agreed without even hearing him properly, and now you were left with his three friends that felt more like three sharks that circled around you. They were fucking out for blood.

“So,” the moment Jaemin disappeared from the parameter, Haechan pulled you to the bench in between him and Renjun with a devilish grin. “Childhood friend, huh?”

Your eyes snapped over to Renjun who was on your right to ask for a way out of this, but the guy was busy filming the entire thing on his phone. Why did Jaemin leave you behind? You had no chance of escaping. Haechan locked you down by swinging his arm around your neck just as you were about to stand. He signalled at his friend who was sitting on the table. “Jeno, drop the beat.”

There was a moment of miscommunication in between because instead of dropping the beat like Haechan asked, Jeno started strumming a sickeningly sweet tune on his guitar. Or maybe that was what he intended. Either way, Haechan was flexible enough to go along with it.

“You know what they say about childhood friends,” another strum. Haechan sang. Was this a fucking oration? “You either end up forgetting each other, hating each other, or you end up toge—”

“That is not—”

“Hush!” he silenced. Renjun was losing it at the side. So was Jeno, because the guitar tune was long replaced by fits of strangled laughter. “It is, clueless Y/N. It is. How many childhood friends have you met that stayed as childhood friends? None, I assume. I’m never wrong, you see.”

“Weren’t you and Mark childhood friends, too—”

“Shut the fuck up, Huang. This isn’t about me. Y/N, listen.”

Grabbing your shoulders, Haechan pulled you away from Renjun, the sudden movement nearly giving you a whiplash.

“From my expert calculations, you and Jaemin are undeniably going down route three, but the both of you are moving at an agonizingly slow pace, correct?” you stared at him, wide eyed, and he was staring right back. “Correct! Now, in order to speed things up a bit, all you have to do is follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your Childhood Friend Into—”

“Isn’t this the same guide that ruined your—”

“I said shut the fuck up!”

The two ended up quarrelling and you ended up being forgotten. You weren’t sure whether to be thankful or be offended. Jeno shot you a look of remorse on behalf of his friends, bringing you to the conclusion that this must have been a normal occurrence. Your eyes shot towards the sky, clouds covering the sun just enough so you wouldn’t be blinded, ears picking up the argument occuring that went back and forth on both of your sides. They’re a lively bunch, you breathed out, a subtle smile on your face.

Eventually Jaemin showed his face again, jogging over to your group and you greeted him with a beaming grin. “You guys seem to be getting along,” he said the moment he stopped before you.

“Oh, Romeo returns,” Renjun decided to stop picking a fight with Haechan. “Where’d you get dragged off to this time?”

There was silence, all four sets of eyes heavily sparked with curiosity as you waited for Jaemin’s response, but the boy was rather hesitant. “Well—” he fumbled, a faint baby pink blush powdering his cheeks. Sheepish, he continued. “Someone confessed to me.”

The first person that reacted was Jeno, who released a loud snort and scooted a little more forward. “Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?” Jaemin indignantly refuted as he continued to be teased by the other two boys, the remaining uncharacteristically not joining in. At that very moment you could feel Haechan looking at you, a gaze that you couldn’t quite put a finger on but it was enough to shoot him a glare back.

“Who was it? Is she pretty?” you chose to ignore the annoying male beside you and decide to focus all of your interest and attention on Jaemin instead.

“Jiah,” he mindlessly answered, pushing Haechan to the side so he could sit next to you. “From nursing? I think?”

“Dude,” you turned your head to Renjun. “Kang Jiah? Holy shit, that’s crazy.”

Noticing the lost look in your eyes, Renjun proceeded to explain that not only was the alluded Kang Jiah arguably the prettiest in her department, she was at the top of her class too. You didn’t understand which part about that was crazy because for you, that was exactly the kind of person that Jaemin was destined to end up with. You wouldn’t be surprised if they do become a thing��� well, there was only one way to find the answer to that.

“Well, what did you say? You said yes right?” you asked him, looking forward to his answer.

“Oh,” he shrugged. “I turned her down.”

What?

“Of course,” Renjun scoffed, shaking head with his arms crossed. “Only you would turn someone like Jiah down. At this rate you’ll end up dying an old hermit.”

“You have a crush on her or something?”

“Pff— no? I just think she’s pretty,”

“You’re not fooling anyone, dumbass. Come over here, I’m gonna squeeze it out of you—”

While the two quarrelled again in the middle of the field with Jeno being the one filming this time, you remained frozen in your seat, somewhat surprised. Huh, you blinked, wanting to ask him why he turned her down but frankly it was none of your business. You turned your head to face him. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to turn into such a heartbreaker, Jaems.”

He clicked his tongue, face scrunched into a bitter look of disapproval as reached out to mess up your hair. “Stop thinking weird thoughts,” he scolded. “Instead, why don’t I finally take you to the art building?”

Your eyes immediately lit up after the mention, and he stifled a laugh at your reaction, patting your head once more before sneaking off without the other three’s knowledge.

Jaemin’s tour of the whole campus actually deemed to be pretty useful because after three whole weeks of going to NCT U, you’d only gotten lost seven times— pretty remarkable if you do say so yourself. Within those three weeks, you had actually expected that your old childhood friend would leave you off on your own once you got used to everything, but no. He tried his best to meet you in between classes even though your buildings were nowhere near each other, and the times when he couldn’t, he’d never failed to call or text you. “I promised your parents!” he reasoned, but you weren’t sure if that promise included asking you if you’ve eaten breakfast every morning.

“Breakfast?”

You repeated into the phone as you and your recently made friend Soorim walked to your Visual Studies class. You’d met her during your first week and the both of you immediately hit off. It was nice to have someone else other than Jaemin and his friends, but of course you appreciated their company, too.

“I, uh, actually haven’t eaten— no wait! Before you nag me, I have a valid excuse, okay!” Soorim gave you a sidelong glance, curious and suspicious over your loud phone call so she tried to lean her ear closer to the device but you quickly evaded without even looking at her. “Listen, I was in a hurry to school! I actually planned on grabbing a bite on the way but I… forgot my wallet because again, I was in a hurry and— no, shut up, you don’t have the right to scold me for this, too! You literally left your report at home yesterday and I had to walk all the way back to save your butt so you’re no better, Mr. Na.”

Without even realizing, you were already in front of the doors to your classroom, and so you hurried a goodbye to Jaemin just before you and Soorim took your seats at the near back.

“Alright, I’m in the classroom now. See you later. Yes, I’ll eat after, yes, I promise to double check my wallet from now on. Bye.”

The moment you settled on your seat, setting your phone and backpack aside, Soorim swiveled her chair to face you, legs crossed, hands resting with poise on her thigh, and she batted her eyelashes expectantly. You ignored her, twisting open your water bottle because it was the only thing you had that could somewhat silence your crying stomach.

“So,” she started anyway. The bottle opening was hovering over your lips. You narrowed your eyes at her. What the fuck was she doing. “When are you introducing me to your boyfriend?”

You choked while drinking.

“Boy— what,” with a grimace, you ripped away the bottle from your face, slamming it down on the table. You looked at your friend in disgust. “If I had one I wouldn’t be hanging out with you.”

Soorim rolled her eyes, sneering at you. She held up her hand to the side of her face, all fingers closed except for her pinky and her thumb, shaking it a little. You sighed.

“He’s a friend.”

“The same friend that kept on calling you during our night out because he was worried?”

“Yes, well,” your sweat dropped. “He’s just like that, you know?”

“Sure,” she scrunched her nose, haphazardly throwing her giant notebook on the table. There was a brief moment of quiet that overtook because Soorim decided to stop egging on you as you waited for your professor, but that quiet only lasted for a while. She nudged you, and you looked up from your desk. “Oh, look who's coming.”

Huang Renjun sauntered in with an expression not fitting for a “good morning” greeting, so you chose to remain silent and simply stare at him in judgment as he settled right before you and Soorim, plastic bag in hand and binder in the other. What shat in his coffee this early in the morning?

“This is all your fault,” with a grunt, he dropped the bag filled with all sorts of food and snacks right in front of you, immediately pulling out a chair and sitting his ass onto it after. “My plans of turning up late are ruined because of you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, picking out a small container of strawberry milk from the bunch. How was this your fault? Furthermore, what exactly was all of this?

“Ooh, you making moves on Y/N, Huang?” Soorim, on the other hand, was digging into the rest of the goods, stealing a bun filled with red bean paste with a happy smile.

“Ew, as if.”

Renjun fake gagged, earning a look of offense from you which he completely ignored and disregarded. He took a box of pepero from the pile, shooting you a smug look before adding.

“It’s from Nana.”

(“You’re at school already? It’s very early. You’ve eaten breakfast, right?”

At a convenience store nearby the school, Jaemin and Renjun decided to eat their first meal there. Though, it appeared that the latter was the only one doing all the eating because his friend seemed to be far too preoccupied with his conversation on the phone to even notice that he took some of his sushi right in front of his face. Renjun silently chewed as he watched the colors on his friend’s face change at each sentence.

“Aish, it’s the most important meal of the day for a reason. How many times do I have to tell you—”

Another piece of sushi stolen. He wondered how far he could get away with it.

“Y/N, I—”

Jaemin let out a long sigh, causing Renjun to drop the food back onto the plate, retracting his chopsticks back to his own food— a bowl of ramen noodles that he had still yet to finish. He discreetly slurped it down as if he hadn’t been stealing since earlier. He was sure that Jaemin noticed though, but knowing his friend, he probably just let him. Renjun noticed the small pout on Jaemin, eliciting his curiosity.

“Okay,” he’s whining, Renjun concluded. “See you later.”

The moment Jaemin shut off his phone, Renjun expected him to say something, to air out why the fuck he was being all that this early in the morning, maybe even tell him what the call was about like a friend would, but no. Instead, Jaemin promptly stood up from his seat, disappeared into the limited selection of isles in the store, basket in hand, and started throwing a mountain full of food with a scrunched out, concentrated expression. Renjun had his mouth hanging open, brows knitted together, and wondering what in the ever loving fuck was going on with his friend as he stared at him pay for everything at the counter.

He sat back, eyeing Jaemin as he returned in front of him, who placed the full bag on top of the table as he took a seat.

“The hell?” a particular carton caught Renjun’s eye, and he immediately fished for it in primal disbelief. “Strawberry milk? You literally hate strawberries and milk separately yet you’re buying them combined? Are you sick?”

Jaemin did not answer. In fact, he dismissed the question completely with a smile, deciding to ask one of his own.

“It’s almost time for your first class, right? Visual Studies?”

At that point it hit him— the call, the food, the stupid behavior of his friend. It was completely obvious.

“Oh,” Renjun dropped the drink back onto the table. “Oh my god, you’re so fucking whipped.”)

“Shut up.”

After hearing Renjun’s story, you couldn’t look at all the multicolored snacks laid in front of you without heating up a million degrees anymore. It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

“You’re just messing with me, shut up.”

Renjun scoffed. “Why would I even make up something so stupid? C’mon, Y/N. You know I’m way better than that.”

You couldn’t argue that this wasn’t something Jaemin would do. No, because this was exactly something sickly sweet Jaemin would do and your sad attempt of denial was simply because your heart might actually run away if you admit it to yourself. And as if to give you more assurance or to fluster you even further, your phone vibrated, causing you to jump in your seat. Before either of the two’s nosiness could take a peek, you quickly snatched your phone, leaning your chair all the way back to read the message.

[<nana3: never skip breakfast okok?!? u don’t have your wallet right? wait for me in front of the bio building later. let’s eat lunch together 🥰💚]

Dear lord Jesus, have mercy on your soul. Renjun took your squeak as a sign of victory.

“Wait a minute,” Soorim looked at you wide in a sudden moment of epiphany. “Nana as in Na Jaemin? The fucking Na Jaemin? Is he the friend you’ve been mentioning? The guy you were calling and bought all this? Holy fuck, Y/N—!”

Your body moved before you could think and you thanked god that your professor wasn’t here yet because you would have caught the entire class’ attention when you leaped forward to slap your hands over Soorim’s mouth.

Renjun’s excessive giggling brought you back to reality, pulling your hands off of her with a gasp and an apology. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck, why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, it felt like you were about to say something stupid!”

She gave a look, half done and half amazed at your willpower. You’d never been this fired up for anything. “Is it stupid to say that one of the hottest guys on campus is literally—”

“Stupid!” another slap on her mouth. Renjun was about to fall off his chair laughing. “You were going to say something stupid. Please don’t even think about finishing that.”

Lucky for you, your professor had finally come in. Unlucky for you, Soorim shot you the signature dirty stare which meant that you wouldn’t be let off that easily. How fun.

Class went on quiet and boring as usual— you’d never been one for technicalities, preferring heading straight into the creative process with nothing but inspiration coursing through your veins, so your professor’s voice was nothing but white noise running in the background as you busied yourself with your thoughts. Your eyes flickered to the floor, cheek resting on your palm, and you gazed down to the plastic back beside your backpack. Twirling your pencil between your fingers, you pulled out a scrap piece of paper, every move that you made triggered by nothing except the abstract flow of your mind.

There was only one person you were thinking of. The same person living inside your head the moment you stepped foot back into Korea, the same person that made you feel as if you were someone special out of all the eight billion people in the world, the same person that bought you three persons worth of food because he didn’t want you skipping breakfast, the same person that felt more like a dream than anything.

Mindlessly, you started sketching the face of your childhood friend, filling in all the details of his face that you could see whenever you closed your eyes, up until the bell rang that signalled the end of the class.

“Y/N! Your father and I are leaving, now!”

“There’s extra money on top of the fridge if you want to eat out.”

Saturday evening. Your parents decided to go out on a well-deserved date that night, leaving you alone inside your apartment. You saw them out the door, locking it up once they left, and as you pressed your back against the white washed wooden door, your eyes darted over to the clock hanging on your living room wall. Six-twenty-three. There were still a few hours until closing.

An art exhibition was to be held on the same evening, and this was the last day that the actual artist was going to be there. Free and you got to meet world renowned artist Ten Lee? You’d be insane not to go. Though, as you made your way into your room to change out of your raggedy old sweatpants and Jaemin’s (stolen) mint hoodie, you’d come to a realization that maybe the venue was too far for you to just walk. Your parents were using the car and it wasn’t like you could drive anyway. You could commute, but there was a better idea in your system.

Opening your phone, a smile involuntarily tugged at the corners of your mouth as you pressed the contact number that seemed to have never left your recents.

[you: nana! are you free rn? there’s an art exhibition out of town! i need a ride :p and you need some time off your studies too bcs i noticed youve been more tired than usual so good idea i think yes hehe]

As usual, he took no more than a minute to reply. But after lighting up when you saw his name flash on your screen, you bit down your bottom lip to prevent a frown from forming.

[<nana3: TT i’m attending a seminar for an org rn y/nie huhu i don’t know what time it’s ending so i’m not sure if i can make it 😫😭]

[you: it’s okay!! jhfdj sorry for disturbing u!! please listen well to the speaker hehe and tell me how it went]

[<nana3: i’m so sorry]

It was difficult to pinpoint how you exactly felt.

You chewed the inside of your mouth, staring at the phone screen. He shouldn’t be apologizing.

After shutting your closet door down to a close, you fell face down onto your bed, your phone thrown over to the side. Yes, you were disappointed, but it wasn’t what weighed you down; the actual reason feeling like a disgusting, throbbing feeling writhing underneath your skin after being suppressed for awhile now. It never left your system the moment you'd arrived, the moment he showed you what his life was like, making you realize the stark difference between you and him.

You couldn’t care less about the exhibition now. In fact, fuck that entire plan entirely. As you were loitering, fooling around, planning on going to pointless events that wouldn’t be of benefit to your future, Jaemin was there, making connections and decisions and taking a step further into life.

It made you wonder what exactly had you been doing these past seven years— what haven’t you been doing, what you should be doing. You were ashamed to admit it, but it plagued the back of your mind since you got here.

Jaemin was far too out of reach.

It made the wrench in your gut worse whenever he made an effort to not make you feel that way. He’d always include you whenever he’d be with his other friends, always made sure that you didn’t feel left out since you came here, whether it be by his little cute texts even though you were in the same room just to make you smile, or by giving you all of his attention despite the many people vying for his. God, you didn’t deserve him. You didn’t deserve to like him.

What did you deserve?

Just then, there was a knock on your front door, followed by a buzz from your phone.

[<nana3: open the door!]

And you did, scrambling out of your bed and nearly tripping over your feet as you ran just to swing it open. Jaemin stood before you with his hair tousled by the wind, a purple and orange varsity jacket covering his frame. He greeted you with brightened eyes.

“I thought you had—”

“I left early,” he smiled at you, walking inside. “Why aren’t you dressed yet? Hurry, I’ll wait here.”

You blinked at him as he passed you by to sit on your couch, unable to understand what led him to such a decision, staring as he stretched his arms over his head with a yaw. He shouldn’t have come here. “Jaemin, it’s just an exhibition, it’s not as important as your seminar.”

He raised a brow at you, stealing a pillow into his lap. “But you want to go, right?”

“Well…” you did want to go, even after your small episode earlier. “Yeah, but—”

“Then it’s more important.”

He smiled at you. You cursed at yourself for letting your heart dither.

“Besides, you actually think I’d let you go out alone this late at night?” Jaemin stood up from the sofa, resting his hand on top of your head with an affectionate gaze. “You should go change. Or maybe not. You look good in my clothes, anyway.”

It was cold outside, so Jaemin made sure that you were wearing enough layers so that you won’t get sick, forcing you back inside when he deemed that you weren’t covered enough.

“Jaem, I’m fucking sweating.”

You huffed as you lugged yourself to the front seat, but your padded winter coat was preventing you from making a smooth landing inside.

“Sweating is a good sign! That means you’re healthy,” noticing your struggle, Jaemin relented to leaving the coat at the back of the car, but keeping it there just in case. He got in after you, starting the car and turning on the radio for some background noise. “Reconnaissance Gallery Right? What’s the name of the show?”

“Mono,” you replied. “It’s by Ten Lee.”

“Oh! I remember you talking about him once,” he exclaimed. “We should hurry then.”

It was a generally quiet car ride, but the silence was welcomed. After asking where you wanted to eat dinner once you were done with the exhibit, Jaemin didn’t talk anymore. Your eyes followed the moving lights that were lit up all around the night scene, and from time to time they flickered over to admire the boy beside you who seemed to be far too engrossed with his driving. An unconscious smile grew, warmth fluttering inside. You were lucky enough to meet him again in this lifetime, even after being set apart for so long.

“Something wrong?”

He asked without looking. He must have noticed you staring.

“No,” you replied with a soft voice. “Just remembered how baby-faced you were back then.”

With a laugh, he shook his head, one hand stretched out to the steering wheel. “You’re one to talk. Alright, I think we’re here.”

You felt a rush the moment you went past the glass doors, met by a relatively large interior with walls painted either black or white and lined with numerous paintings that contrasted the wall they were hung on. With a large grin, you quickly tugged Jaemin’s arm deeper into the venue, your footsteps making hollow echoes inside the place. He was taken aback by your sudden action, heart racing when he felt your grip on him, never slowing down even when you stopped in front of one of the larger works in the exhibit. “Oh my gosh, I love this painting— wait let me take a picture.”

As you fumbled with your phone, Jaemin couldn’t help but stare at you as if you were a part of the exhibit itself. There were more people inside, yet he didn’t even notice them; paintings as pretty as the night sky, yet it was you that he couldn’t take his eyes off of. Your phone camera captured it with an audible click, and he took it as a signal to scramble and take his out too.

Click!

“The painting’s really pretty, right?”

He nodded at you. “Yeah,” it wasn’t the painting that he wanted to capture. He dug his phone back into his pocket after sneaking a brief glance at your excited grin behind the screen. It wasn’t every day that you smiled like this since you were usually reserved. He didn’t want to miss saving a memory. “You wanna walk around more?”

At his suggestion, you and Jaemin decided to move deeper into the exhibit. You knew he wasn’t that knowledgeable about art, but he still listened intently whenever you told him something about the strokes and composition of some of the works displayed. You hadn’t run into Ten Lee yet even after an hour of walking around and taking pictures, but you didn’t mind at all. Jaemin froze in front of a certain painting— the visage of what seemed to be a face formed together by different objects, drawn in a style similar to the rest with the black and white motif, graffiti-esque structure, and the overall whimsical and abstract feel to it. There was a smile on his face, you wondered what he was thinking about.

“One day, it’s gonna be your paintings that will be displayed here. You promise you won’t forget about me when that happens, okay?" he started, turning his attention to you. “You should also paint a portrait dedicated to me," he joked, nudging you a little.

You smiled at him. Jaemin noticed that this wasn’t your usual smile, but he chose to not say anything. “Okay,” you breathed out before looking down seconds before he could see your expression melt away. How was he thinking so highly of you when it was him who was too far to reach?

He was about to ask— he didn’t know what to ask— but he would say whatever just to erase whatever was bothering your peace of mind. But he wasn’t able to. In fact, just as he lifted a hand to rest over your shoulder as an act of comfort, your head shot up, turning to face the sudden eruption of a commotion that Jaemin had failed to notice in his worry for you.

“Holy crap,” you gasped. “Is that—”

Ten Lee, just a few feet away from you with cameras and crowd surrounding him. You wasted no time to run to him, grabbing Jaemin’s hand in a flash to drag him behind. His eyes softened upon seeing the excited bounce of your hair as you ran. At least your spirits were brought back up again.

Jaemin watched as you nervously fiddled with the hem of your jacket as you waited for an opening to talk to the famous artist, how you would stand on your toes to peek above the small crowd and stand back down again after feeling too shy. Eventually the crowd dissipated to only around four or five people. This was your chance. You looked at him Jaemin. He nudged you with his shoulder. ‘Go,’ he mouthed. You pressed your lips together before finally deciding to march up to the artist. He didn’t realize you have been holding his hands until you let go.

“A-ah, hi!”

He followed after you in case you were feeling too nervous, but he was relieved to see that Ten Lee was pretty down to earth and easy going for someone famous. He stayed a few steps behind you as he listened to the ongoing conversation.

“I can’t tell you enough how much I adore your works. Especially, Monarch! I took a picture of it earlier and it’s so much more captivating in person,” you said, watching as Ten signed your phone case. “Actually, I—I look up to you a lot as an artist. A few of my paintings were actually inspired by your style, but of course it— it would be an insult to compare.”

“You shouldn’t compare,” he scolded, adding in a little sermon about your art is yours and that it should stand alone as your own. He handed your phone back, a smile on his face. “Can I see?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. In a flustered rush, you quickly scrolled through your gallery folders to find the specific paintings you were referring to, and Jaemin, out of curiosity, hovered over your shoulders to see as well. As you passed through your works with your friend’s mouth hanging open in awe (he wanted to gush about them, but figured this wasn’t formally appropriate), his eyes caught a glimpse of an image that you quickly swiped past— far too glaring too miss because he was sure that it looked something like his face. It was a different kind of pride that he felt when he saw that.

Ten’s eyes flickered as he saw through your paintings, something formulating within even after you hid your phone. He looked at you, grabbing your hands without any warning which caused you to squeak. “Y/N, right?” you nodded, wide eyed. “You know, I’m hosting an online gallery within the upcoming weeks. It’s for young, aspiring artists like you to be recognized at a larger scale.”

Hold on, you tried to catch on to what he was saying. Was he—

“Are you interested?”

—serious? Was he actually serious? It looked like he was because when he let go of you, a business card suddenly materialized in your hands. Holy shit.

“Think about it, okay? Just email me your portfolio and everything. Who knows, what if you get recognized and scouted after this?”

He winked at you, shooting you a thumbs up. This had to be a dream. You were still trying to process the piece of fucking paper that you were holding and now all of a sudden Ten came in between you and Jaemin, swinging his arms around your neck and giving you a pat on the back

“Anyhow, thanks to the both of you for coming to my show. And Y/N—” he looked at you with a grin. “Looking forward to your more of your works.”

Ten disappeared off with two other people, their footsteps clacking against the cold, tiled floor. You stared at the card in your hands for a few moments— Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, it wrote— before snapping your eyes back to Jaemin who was wearing a far too large smile. “Oh my god.”

Jaemin wasted no time in drowning you into a hug, knocking the air out of your lungs when he nearly toppled you onto the ground.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft in comparison to the roughness of his actions, sweetly fluttering into your ears as he rocked you left and right with his squeezing embrace. “I’m so proud of you.”

His words nearly broke you down to tears.

“This calls for a celebration, right?” he pulled away, hand automatically falling to hold onto yours as he led you to the gallery’s exit. “My treat! I know a place nearby, we should eat an entire feast!”

“Nana, you already treated me to lunch last time, I can’t just—”

“No, no no! I’m treating you, okay? This is your achievement so I should congratulate properly.”

There was no point arguing with him when he already had his mind set, but even during your drive to a nearby barbecue place, even when you were already halfway with the meal, you kept on insisting that you’d pay him back for all of this someday. He’d only laugh it off, telling you that he doesn’t mind as long as you’re enjoying yourself. You downed a shot of soju after hearing that, hoping that it would make you forget momentarily about how fast your heart was beating.

Somehow the clock eventually struck nine, and rather than going home, the both of you took an impulsive detour to a nearby public beach. The sounds of waves crashing against the solemn quiet of the night was heard as you neared the area, bringing you to a moment of peace.

Instead of going to the sandy shore, you two decided to take a spot on the beach cliff right above the rolling water. “Be careful,” Jaemin whispered from behind as he guided you along the rocky surface, heating up from the way he was so, so close with his hands steady on your back. You two sat side by side on the cliff, underneath the veil of stars, with the ocean right in front of you.

“Are your parents okay with you staying out this late?” he cocked his head to face you in a manner that was far too cute for you to suppress a giggle.

“Jaems, they’d probably allow me to disappear off to Italy as long as you’re with me.”

The both of you broke into laughter, but it was eventually replaced by the noises of the ocean. You breathed in the salty scent of the sea, folding your knees to your chest with your arms hugging them together. For a moment your eyes flickered over to Jaemin, and a chord was strung, tugging your heart towards him, but it was impossible for it to leap out of your chest so it only rattled against your ribcage desperately just like the waves. You stared at the way his dark hair melted into the night sky, the wind brushing it away, the way he had his legs stretched out freely over the rocks while you squeezed yourself as small as you could get, and lastly, the way he flashed over to look at the exact moment that you wanted him to.

If there was such a thing as a perfect instance where the stars of the night sky aligned, it would be this.

“You know,” you started, letting your arms fall to your sides as you looked over to the distance. “I envy you sometimes.”

Jaemin was taken aback by your confession.

“I also admire you,” you pressed your lips together tightly, forming it into a smile. “A lot. I admire you a lot. To the point that it made me feel like you’re living in a completely different world from me and that I wasn’t deserving of you.”

You’d finally mustered up the courage to tell him everything you’d pent up during your first month back here— it was better than just letting it fester into something worse, even if there was a risk of completely ruining your friendship. It was better than playing pretend.

“We’re both only a year apart but it seems like you have your life all tied together while I’m still barely able to walk on my own two feet. I wouldn’t even have been able to go to the exhibit if it weren’t for you,” you crossed your legs, a mirthless laugh slipping past your lips as the wind brushed against your cheeks .“I don’t… want to seem ungrateful for everything you’ve done or make you feel bad or anything, because Jaemin—”

You turned around, looking at him.

“If I had the choice to stay back then, I would have gladly chosen to spend those seven years together with you.”

Jaemin stared at you, speechless, unblinking. He had a gut feeling that there was something bothering you all this time, but he never had thought that it would be this.

“But the feeling of seeing you again after all this time is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for the world either,” you hummed, looking down as you traced the creases of the rocky ground with your fingers, a shaky breath slipping past you. “If only… I wasn’t just so insecure then maybe everything would be perfect.”

For a moment there was nothing— only the lulling sounds of the sea that became quieter after you laid your heart out to the ground. The next moment, Jaemin spoke up.

“I got into an accident four years ago.”

You shot up in a single instant.

Jaemin laughed a little, bringing his hand to the crown of your head in assurance. “I had a herniated disc which got worse during a dance camp. It was definitely scary, how it seemed like I was in a standstill for two years while everyone else carried on with their lives,” he continued, letting his hand drop once more right beside yours. “It’s hard to get out of that hopeless mentality. It takes small steps, but once you do, things will eventually start looking up.”

He shot you a smile, eyes twinkling under the light of the moon. You couldn’t help but put your head down after hearing everything.

“I understand how and why you’re feeling that way, don’t worry I’m not upset. You don’t think I am, right?” he caught you sniffling, leaning forward to take a look at your face but you kept on turning away. “Y/N— Y/N, look at me, okay? I’ll be your personal cheerleader from now on, yeah? Up until you realize that you’re actually greater than you think you are.”

He was too good to you.

“I’m— I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you were having a tough time.”

You silently muttered, meekly sneaking a glance at him to see that he was actually smiling at you this entire time. He’d always been like this.

“It’s alright, you didn’t have a choice, right?” he assured. “And I’m all better now, as you can see. I can even jump off the cliff into the ocean without having a single scratch!”

Right, you managed a laugh from his silly proclamation. He lit up upon hearing you. Maybe you can try to be like that too.

“What’s important is that from now on.”

There had been a gap between the two of you that entire time, but Jaemin bridged it the moment his hand brushed against your skin, his pinky interlocking with yours against the coarse ground. You met his eyes. He shot you a smile. That same smile that you could never get enough of.

“You’ll be with me.”

“Jaemin, please put your shirt back on.”

When you walked back into the living room, easel and canvas in your arms, you did not expect to be met with your childhood friend-slash-boyfriend mid-strip. In fact you were far too in shock that you dropped everything to the floor at that exact moment, only managing to utter those previous words once you were busy picking them all back up and not looking at him. He quickly ran to help you.

“Oh, I thought this was—” he passed you a paintbrush, helping you stand back up once you’ve gotten everything. “Aren’t the models for your classes usually, like, naked?”

“You think I was gonna paint you nude?!”

“Well,” he mused, holding his shirt to his bare chest. “If you want— okay, sorry! Shirt on! Shirt on!”

You settled down the easel that you just threatened to launch at him near the window where the afternoon sunlight was leaking through. A few days prior, you had contacted Ten Lee regarding the online exhibit, asking when the deadline was because you wanted to include one more piece in your portfolio.

“Nana, can you sit over here?”

There was a stool situated a few feet in front of the easel and right beside the window. He did as you said, now fully dressed and sitting properly and well behaved. You marched up to him, moving around his limbs into a specific pose. Jaemin wore a subtle smile as you grabbed his arms to a certain position, his shoulders into a certain angle, and when your fingers landed on his jaw to adjust his head, he just couldn’t help but throw all your work out the window by pulling you towards him by the waist.

“What are you—” a kiss fell on your nose. Jaemin shot you a cheeky smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help it.”

You weren’t inclined to do anything else but forgive him, even if it meant refixing him into position, but somehow you managed. Running back behind the easel, you wore a satisfied smile upon seeing the composition, flicking your wrist to start the initial sketch. There was music running in the background. Jaemin sat still for thirty whole minutes.

“Can I move for a sec?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you answered. “I got the basic shapes down anyway.”

He let out an amazed gasp, lips forming into an ‘o’ shape. “So cool,” he said, and you let out a little laugh.

You were trying to focus, but in between a few strokes of your pencil, he wiggled his eyebrows when you looked at him again. You threw your head down to suppress a barrage of giggles. “Okay, this is— this is going nowhere. Can I just take a picture of you?”

Even taking a shot of him was difficult because he just wouldn’t sit still. He’d always do something to make you laugh or smile just when you were about to take a picture. You scolded him, telling him that all you needed was a few takes then the both of you can make a run for some popsicles at the nearby store. He straightened upon hearing, and you finally got to do the job.

“Do you have a title in mind for the piece?” he asked, just as you finished taking the last photo of his face up close.

You did have one. In fact, you’ve had it in mind for a while now.

“Yeah,” you answered, smiling. “Mahiwaga.”

Haechan, for whatever suspicious reason, volunteered to treat you out to lunch today at a family restaurant near the uni. You did not know why, and he would not tell you why, but you could not pass up free food. You texted Soorim to follow just in case you needed mental support because as you sat across him, looking up from your phone while munching your fries to catch the terrifying stare he was giving you, you could tell that you needed at least one other person around.

[you: dude, i think hes actually planning on killing me please hurry up]

[soorim: omw babe]

[soorim: but ur paying for me right]

You sighed, telling her yes you already ordered her food, and she replied with an annoying heart that you refused to mark read. Just as you were about to shut off your phone, ready to hear whatever Haechan was brewing, another message was sent your way.

[<nana3: baby, i saw the exhibition!! 🤩 you know, you’re so amazing, you know?!?! nana is super super proud of you 🥺💚 and i’m sure your parents are, too!! i sent the link to all of my friends yesterday hehe. also i’ll call you immediately after my class, ok?? don’t forget to drink lots of water today 😚 byebye! 💚]

“Are you two fucking yet?”

Haechan’s question caused you to choke on your fries, dropping your phone to the table so you can reach for the glass of Sprite. You looked at him, appalled. “I’m sorry?”

“What are we talking about?”

Soorim had belatedly joined in the party, pushing you farther into the seat to make room for herself. Her eyes zeroed in on the table, choosing the giant burger to attack first. You scrunched your nose as you looked at her.

“We—”

“Whether Y/N and Jaemin have done the dirty yet,” Haechan interrupted. You looked at him in offense and horror. He reciprocated with a deadpan stare. “You have, haven’t you? I went to Jaemin’s house at four in the morning yesterday and—”

“Why were you at his house at four?!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You looked at him in disbelief, scoffing, and you looked over to Soorim with the words ‘can you believe this guy?’ ready to fire from your tongue. You could not say it. Not when Soorim looked absolutely compelled by Haechan’s bullshit allegations. She even stopped scarfing down her food. You made a mistake in calling her up here.

“What matters is that he looked absolutely fucked out absolutely naked, but not only that!” a scrunchie. He pulled out a scrunchie from his backpack. That was yours. Even had your hair on it. “This is yours isn’t it? I’ve caught you red handed, Y/N, now answer me—”

Haechan’s eyes were out to kill.

“You wrapped it, right? I’m too young to be called Uncle Hyuck so please tell me you did.”

“We are not—”

“That explains why you were walking all weird yesterday!” Soorim exclaimed. “Y/N, you know you could tell me these things, right? There is no—”

“We are not fucking!”

This wasn’t the best conversation to have at a family restaurant.

A waiter stopped serving the table next to you, it’s occupants (that included three kids and their parents) froze and looked at you in horror. An innocent passerby spilled his drink on his tray. You sharply inhaled, bowing your head apologetically. Thank god there weren’t any managers here— the three of you might have actually gotten kicked out.

With a cough, you collected yourself, giving both of your companions the stink eye for putting you in such a compromising position. “Can I not sleep at my boyfriend’s place without— without doing anything of that sort?” you huffed, ignoring the red hot heat creeping up your neck. “And as a matter of fact, I was walking weird because I fell down the while lugging plywood up the stairs, so shut the fuck up.”

The two of them let out a shriek at the same time.

“Boyfriend?! And what— you fell off the fucking stairs?!”

“Did you do as I told you?! Did you follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your—”

“Quiet!”

You shushed the both of them before the three of you actually got kicked out.

“Yes, boyfriend. Yes, I fell off the stairs. No, I did not follow Hyuck’s guide to whatever,” you spitefully took a sip from your drink. “You never even told me what the hell that was.”

As Haechan started to further explain his guide with Soorim enthusiastically taking everything in, you were caught by the buzzing of your phone. The screen lit up. Someone sent you an e-mail— the sender you did not recognize at all. You wiped your fingers with some tissues on the table before taking the device, clicking on the notification immediately after.

“Right. After you tell him that you’re— hey! Y/N, are you even listening?”

You shot up. Haechan noticed the distraught look in your eyes. His brows furrowed together.

“What’s wrong?”

The following weekend, you went out and treated Jaemin to dinner at a fancy Chinese restaurant despite his many complaints. He was about to pay for everything again, but this time you were faster in stealing the check. Afterward, you stopped by a nearby hardware store to buy another two pieces of plywood. You’ve been painting a lot more frequently lately, and you’ve been experimenting more on larger scale works. It was fortunate that Jaemin was there to help you bring the large sheets of wood this time.

“There we go.”

Jaemin settled the wood resting upright against your living room wall, right beside a few stained cans of paint underneath layers of newspaper. You thanked him, smiling, and he ruffled the hair on your head.

“You should ask me whenever you need to do some heavy work alright? We don’t want a rerun of last time,” you cringed upon recalling. That wasn’t a pretty fall. “How are your legs? Have the bruises healed?”

“Almost. You don’t have to worry,” you assured him. He sighed in relief.

Dinner and a shopping trip weren’t the only reasons you called him out tonight. You had actually been meaning to tell him something within the past three days. Your parents knew, Haechan and Soorim found out during lunch last time, Renjun and Jeno might have already found out thanks to their loudmouthed friend. All that’s left was Jaemin. It was his reaction that would help you make the decision.

But why was it so difficult to start talking?

“I’m gonna head out now,” he hummed, pulling you into his chest. You bit down your lip, contemplating, and maybe he noticed your unease and hesitation, as if he could hear your unsaid thoughts, because he lightly pulled away to look at your face and spoke. “What is it? Do you wanna tell me something?”

Of course, you thought to yourself. He’d probably know you’re hungry before your stomach could even rumble.

You gently pried away his hands from your arms, a hollow smile directed to him. Concern flashed through his eyes, but he held back his tongue, waiting for you to say your mind instead.

“Yeah…” you started. “I— I do have something to tell you.”

That was what you said, but as the clock ticked a couple dozen times in the background, you still had yet to tell him. It wasn’t easy to tell him. Because you were afraid that the moment you opened your mouth to squeeze out a single word, you might not make it to finish the entire sentence. If it were him, this might have been easy. But you were not, so it took a little more effort on your part to let the words go.

Maybe you shouldn’t have looked him in the eye, because the moment you did, your eyes stung from the threat of tears and so you jerked your head to the side.

But you weren’t able to evade, because Jaemin decided to follow you. You turned away again, looking towards the unplugged television, but it was once again replaced by Jaemin’s dark brown eyes. Your eyes stung, your lips pressed together, and at that moment you couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous actions throwing your head down in the midst of it, but your laughter got choked up by the sudden streaming of tears that you had come unprompted.

Jaemin panicked.

“Hey, hey, baby, what’s wrong? What is it?” he ducked down to reach your face, cupping your cheeks with his large hands as you wiped away your tears. “It’s okay, you can tell me, baby. I’ll listen to everything, okay?”

It took you a while to regain your voice, but Jaemin patiently waited with words of consolation. You couldn’t understand how one person could have this much goodwill and kindness in them.

Eventually your sniffling died down, and so you finally willed yourself to speak. “I— I joined Ten’s exhibition, right? And— and there was a possibility that other artists or institutions might be interested in the participants, right?”

“Mhm,” he replied, stroking the back of your head as you tightly gripped the front of his shirt. “Go on.”

“I— I got scouted? You know PIOA? In Paris? They— they offered me a full scholarship if I…” you paused for a moment, biting the inside of your mouth. “If I transfer there for the remaining months until my last year.”

Jaemin took a while to absorb it, silence flooding along with your occasional sniffles.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Ah, ah, baby look at me, look at me,” he grabbed your shoulders, frowning when he made contact with your red stained eyes. He brushed your cheek with his thumb, heart heavy from seeing you like this. It pained him to see you this way. “Why are you crying? Don’t you want to go?”

A beat of silence. You swallowed, speaking in a small, shaky voice.

“Do you want me to go?”

Another beat of silence.

“Of course! Can you imagine that out of all the people that joined that exhibit, they chose you! Your talent and hard work shouldn’t go to waste,” Jaemin inhaled sharply in between his speech, managing a smile for you to see. “I’m really proud of you, Y/N. An opportunity like this doesn’t come that easily.”

“Jaemin.”

You softly sounded, letting your head fall into his chest. He held you close, as if you were leaving at that instant.

“You know I was so happy when we got in touch again, when I came back to Korea. I know I don’t have a lot going on for me, but I could easily forget all of that because I’m with you,” once more, you felt the tears start to rise up again, but you tried your hardest to swallow them down. “It hasn’t even been that long since we got reunited and now you’re… you’re just telling me to leave you again miles, miles away as if it’s nothing.”

“It’s not like that, Y/N. It’s hard for me too, you know,” he muttered into your hair with a slight whine, his chin resting over your head. “But it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again, right? We managed for seven years, what’s two or three more?”

When he heard you stifle a laugh, laughing despite your sniveling, he couldn’t help but laugh along too. Once more and perhaps the last that night, he pulled away so he could look at the smile on your face, eyes still red and watery, and he pressed a warm kiss on your forehead.

“You have nothing to worry about, baby. We can visit each other during breaks and—” he breathed out, lips curling into a smile. “I’ll call you every day.”

Right, you wiped away your remaining tears, huffing out a brief, airy chuckle.

You looked at him, hopeful, earnest.

“Every day?”

You asked.

“Every day.”

He answered.

You were never going to get used to airports. They always carried a bitter, cold air that signified a goodbye that you were far too familiar with. Today was no different.

“Don’t forget to drink your vitamins alright? It’s a new environment so you might need some time to get used to it. Oh! And—”

“Dude, you’re worse than her actual mom.”

Jaemin shot a smile to your mother at the mention, who was waiting for your group to finish from a distance with your father. Your mother was to stay with you in Paris for a week until you got everything settled down while the four boys, Soorim, and your father decided to send you off today. Though, unlike your usual experiences with leaving and returning, today was much louder, more rowdy. It was a nice change— you only wished that it would last longer.

“It’s okay, I appreciate the concern,” you laughed. “Do I have to report back to you everything before I go to bed?”

“Well, if you can,” Jaemin mused, locking his pinky finger with yours and swinging your hand into the air from side to side. “Kidding, kidding. I trust you’ll take care of yourself there.”

A chorus of gagging noises broke out when you pulled his shirt, burying your face into his chest, prompting him to smile and wrap his arms around you. You drowned them out, though, only focusing on how warm he was despite the cold brushing of the wind, how he held you with so much gentleness that one would think he was afraid that he might break you.

It was funny how free you felt when you were trapped inside his embrace.

“How many times do I have to say goodbye to you at the fucking airport?” you grumbled, tears welling up again and so you wiped them away with your sweater sleeve. “Wait, why aren’t you crying. Aren’t you even at the very least sad that I’m gonna leave?”

Jaemin chuckled, replacing your hand with his to brush away the stray tears.

“If I cry in front of you then you probably won’t even board the plane.”

You hated that he was right.

“I’ll do it after you leave,” he let out a laugh, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. At that moment, the pre-boarding announcement rang throughout the area's speakers, signalling that it was time for you and your mother to go. Grabbing your suitcase, you sent a grateful look to each one of them— your father, Jeno, Renjun, Donghyuck, Soorim, and—

Jaemin suddenly grabbed your suitcase handle before you could go, his hand right beside yours. You locked eyes with him, wide and surprised.

He landed a kiss right on your lips.

“Call me when you arrive, okay?”

You mindlessly nodded, still in the midst of recovering from shock. Your mother called out to you to start moving.

As you walked away, head still locked behind, you watched as the four screamed, cheered, and teased your boyfriend as they shook and pushed him around like a ragdoll, while he just kept on looking at you with a smile.

“Don’t worry, Y/N! I’ll record his crying face!”

Haechan screamed despite being several feet away already, and you stifled out a laugh.

You might have to say goodbye today, but time will come when you would meet again.

Across the cobblestone tiled sidewalk, people were walking about, the streets were filled with tourists and natives, the mid noon sun was just in reach. Summers had always been crowded in the city, and you were swimming in the middle of the crowd in a far too inappropriate attire, sweating as you spoke into the phone.

“Oh, yeah. I’m on my way to the gallery now— I had to stop by at a cafe first, though.”

“You seem busy.”

Jaemin’s voice echoed from your phone’s speakers. The streetlight turned red. You followed the crowd as you crossed the street.

“Yeah… It’s a lot of back and forth work, even on the last day of the show, but it’s all worth it,”you replied. “Did you know that people kept on asking me who my muse was for Mahiwaga? Ever the popular boy, even when you’re not here.”

It has been a year and a half since you first got to France. Things have been going well on your part with your budding art career— and so far you’ve guested in three exhibitions, but you have yet to have one solo. Even though you and Jaemin promised to see each other during breaks, it was practically impossible to align your time. He was busy with internships and his organizations this year and so were you. But one thing the both of you have faithfully maintained throughout the course of your time away was calling each other every day, even if it was just for a few minutes.

A cyclist sped past you. Jaemin’s voice was heard again. He laughed at your last remark, saying that he wasn’t that popular, but all of a sudden his voice turned into a more serious tone.

“Since you have a lot of work these days…”

Your brows furrowed, squinting as the light shone into your eyes. You clutched your sling bag, heels clattering as you passed by the cream, brown, and grey buildings.

“Should we call less often?”

You stopped in your tracks.

What?

“No— no, Jaems, what are you saying? Are you sick? Are you not feeling well?” you were almost late for the opening, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. What was he on about? Call less? Never had that crossed your mind even once. “I don’t even get to see you anymore, so if anything… we should call as often as we can.”

A few people passed from behind. His end of the line was silent. Your lips scrunched into a frown, confused.

“Jaemin?”

“That’s a relief.”

Before you could even ask him anything, the call ended.

“What the hell?” you huffed, staring at your phone screen in perplexity before you returned it to your pocket. Maybe he was feeling a lot more lonely than usual— that was unavoidable, but the both of you made it work. You should ask him what that was all about later. Now, you really needed to head to the gallery. With a sigh, you marched forward, stopping at an intersection where the large, eggshell white walls of the gallery stood across.

You stopped before the crosswalk, the lights green, and a few vehicles passed by, and your thoughts were once again clouded by Na Jaemin and why did he suddenly propose that. Was he getting sick of you? Was this his way of hinting a breakup? Your face contorted into a look of horror. No, you shook your head at the notion. He literally sent you a picture of a weird keychain last night  saying it reminded him of you. Another sigh. The light went red. You crossed the street.

Maybe it was because you were thinking too much of him, maybe you were missing him too much, but the moment you reached the middle of the crosswalk, your heart suddenly stopped, legs froze, eyes stuck to the sight right in front of you.

There he stood, right before the front stairs of the gallery with dozens of people disappearing and passing by. He spotted you, eyes lighting up, the corners of lips automatically quirking upwards. He sent you a small wave.

You ran.

“Hi— woah!”

Maybe you were causing a scene, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t find it in you to care when Na Jaemin was right fucking here. He chuckled when you suddenly ran into him, wrapping you in a tight hug that matched your own. “You know, I was afraid that you’d actually agree to limiting our calls,” he started, and you looked up, the light shining into your eyes. Jaemin’s smile was as bright as the sun. “I thought I would have to deport myself back to Korea.”

Your lips quivered, unable to hold it back. Yeah, you shook your head, a shaky laugh leaving your lips. It’s always been like this.

“Is this where you’re holding the exhibit? Wow, it’s a lot bigger than in pictures.”

There are points in your life where you’re met with a choice— to stay or leave, to smile or cry. Always him between something else. Twice. You’ve said goodbye to him twice choosing to leave. For a moment, it might seem that you’ve chosen the other. But that was never the case, because at the end of each day it was him you were thinking of, it was him that your lines end, it would always be—

“Y/N? Y/N? Are you crying?” he exclaimed, frowning as he wiped away your tears. “Ah, it’s such a happy day today, you shouldn’t be crying.”

“I missed you, you dummy.”

—Him. You’d always choose him. Na Jaemin. Jaems. Nana. Your childhood best friend. Your boyfriend—

He smiled at you, eyes shining, pressing a kiss on your forehead before taking you into his arms once more with a shaky breath. “I missed you too.”

—Your mahiwaga.

hannie-dul-set, 2020.

[writehardwhumpharder]

Carson vs. Low Blood Sugar

Set in the past when Carson was in college and had a class with Daniel which is how they met. They are 22 and 21 here. I basically just wrote this because I’m going to university now so Carson is back at uni too.

When the professor asked them to form groups of four for the upcoming project, Carson naturally partnered up with the only person in the class he'd spoken two words to - Danny. The weird guy that still sits next to him despite all the other open seats and Carson’s obvious discomfort. But Carson was quick to believe the lie that the open seats were farther back and he wouldn't be able to see the board as well. Sure Carson could move, but he was far too stubborn for that.

The room erupted in groans when the teacher announced the group project. Everyone assumed everyone else was just going to slack off and force them to do the work of all four people. Daniel wasn't too sure about being in a group with Carson himself because even though he was studious and had good grades, it was entirely possible he'd sleep through every group session and just shrug it off later.

Two girls who sat in the row in front of them asked to join since it made the most sense. They introduced themselves as Kelsey and Ava and smiled shyly at the two guys.

Carson's interest in them ended at, "Sure, whatever." And Daniel's interest ended at Carson. Unfortunately it didn't seem like they would be spared any of the awkwardness that came with group projects.

"We should exchange numbers, so we can make plans to meet up." Kelsey suggested.

"Yeah and we can meet at the library, there's a cafe there too if anyone wants food or coffee." Ava chimed in.

"Sounds good," Daniel said. Then they passed around their phones sharing info. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't secretly happy to be handed the perfect excuse for getting Carson's number. Daniel had been thinking of asking him for the last few weeks but figured he'd be shut down with something like, "Sorry man, I don't have a phone number" while quickly shoving his iPhone into the pocket of his hoodie. If he wasn't so God damn cute Daniel would have given up already seeing what a piece of work he was. Eventually he'd find out why he was so cold to people.

After each group was formed and picked a topic the professor let them go half an hour early. Carson put in his earbuds and prepared to make a run for it but Daniel subtly blocked his path.

"So what do you think of this project?" He asked.

Carson paused and sighed, "Shouldn't be too hard if everyone has read the assigned reading. You did do the reading right?"

Danny rubbed the back of his neck, "Of course I did." He said unconvincingly.

"Good." With that Carson left.

--

The group made plans to meet two days later at the group study rooms on the fifth floor of the library.

Saturday was surprisingly beautiful. The weather was nice for Fall and Carson could feel the sun on his skin as soon as he stepped outside. Too bad he'd spend the whole day working on a stupid project about the popularity of tragedies in Shakesperian Era writing.

When he got to the library Danny was standing outside leaning against the building. He pushed off when he saw him and pulled something out of his pocket. Carson reached for the door but stopped cold when a printed copy of a news article was thrust in front of him.

Daniel looked at him excitedly, "Is this you?"

Carson stared down at it and had to quickly restrain his reaction. He recognized it immediately. The article was from his local paper when he was 14, the title read, "Local Boy Defies Physics Stopping Car from Hitting a Child."

Daniel had spent the previous night cyberstalking Carson after he finally finished all the assigned reading. There was absolutely no trace of him on social media but he did find several odd news articles. His name was also listed by the college as a Graduate of Human Biology.

"Yeah that's me, but every word in that article is false. I hope you didn't waste too much time reading it," Carson said dryly. He sidestepped him and walked into the library. It was practically deserted. Not having an actual excuse for the claims in the article, Carson really hoped he could avoid it altogether.

"It says that a car was heading towards an eight year old girl when it suddenly stopped, the front crumpled in like it hit an invisible wall a mere foot away from collision. There's even a picture. The car is stopped in the middle of the road with nothing else around it but it's beat to shit. Then that looks like you, kind of, maybe."

Carson's eyes dulled like this conversation was utterly exhausting. "If you're that curious, the car in the picture swerved to hit another car to protect the child crossing the street. The first car drove away in a hit and run. And if you want the real gossip, I'm pretty sure it was my history teacher." Carson said. Everyone in his town knew what he was and jumped on the chance to blame him as often as they could so he got used to lying on his feet.

"Really? I guess that makes sense. But why does it say that you passed out on the scene and got taken to the hospital. I mean, there was a whole car accident and you were the only person that got hurt?" He laughed.

Carson shot him a murderous glare, "It was very surprising." Daniel looked down at the ground in shame.

"Sorry..."

"Kids came up with a lot of rumors and bullied me until the rest of the town believed them. I bet this isn't only paper you found making crazy accusations."

Once inside Carson headed towards the cafe instead of the group study rooms.

"Well, sorry to hear that. So were you bullied a lot in school then?" He asked curiously. Daniel was determined to figure him out and he couldn't do that without striking a nerve or two.

"You sure ask a lot of questions."

Carson got in line with Daniel following closely behind. He finally went quiet after that last remark. It was already a few minutes past the time they were all supposed to meet but knowing how long they could be working, it was too much of a risk not to get coffee first.

He felt around in his pockets when he got to the register. "Oh shit, I don't think I brought my wallet." Carson said, giving Danny an expectant look. He figured he had him feeling just guilty enough to buy him a cappuccino.

"Ugh, fine," he pulled out his old leather wallet and handed the lady a 5.

Carson laughed, "that's such a dad wallet."

"What does that even mean?"

--

When they got up to the fifth floor, coffee in hand, the two girls were nowhere to be found. Figures. Daniel used the group chat to ask them where they were. After all it was possible they were simply late.

"We went to the desk but they wouldn't give us a room, so now we're wandering." Daniel relayed the message to Carson who frowned in thought.

"Tell them to come back up. I'll get us a room."

Looking suspicious enough already this was probably a terrible idea but he was impatient and little pissed off to be honest. He quickly turned towards the rooms, hoping to make it to one before this Danny guy so he wouldn't see him open it.

"Wait how are you going to do that? The help desk is that way," he asked, jogging to catch up. Great.

If the desk lady wouldn't give those girls a room then she probably wouldn't give him one either, also he just didn't feel like dealing with that. Daniel made it clear he wouldn't be too easy to shake off, getting rid of his plan to just open the door with magic. Instead he got out his student ID and pretended to swipe the scanner next to the door. The red dot turned green as he did.

"Woah. Do you have special access or something?" Danny asked.

Carson just hummed vaguely and sat down in the first chair he saw. He'd been doing such a good job not doing any magic since he moved out that even a little trick like that was tiring. Carson didn't want his reputation to follow him to university, but now that he was almost done with his Masters degree he found himself caring less and less.

Pulling out his own phone, Carson texted the group chat, "508."

Danny still had that childlike look of amazement on his face when he looked up again and Carson groaned internally.

"Where else can you get into?" He asked excitedly.

"Wherever I want. Wake me up when they get here." Carson pulled his hood up and laid his head down on the table. He wasn't really going to sleep, he just needed a break from talking. God this was going to be a long day.

Carson heard Kelsey and Ava talking long before they made it to the study room. They clearly knew each other before taking this class.

"Hi, how have you been?" Kelsey walked in first, carrying her own coffee cup, she looked at them both, her face pinching in thought, "Daniel and... Carson?" She struggled to put a name to the back of Carson's hood.

Now for the most interesting part of any group project, seeing who would take charge first. Carson finally straightened back up as they sat down on opposite sides of the table, putting Ava next to him.

"So, Tragedy, where do we start?" She asked.

Carson sat back and waited while everyone looked around awkwardly.

"Hey how did you get a room anyway that bitch at the counter made up some policy about needing a professor's permission for these rooms." Kelsey commented.

Daniel's face lit up again, "oh you should have seen it. Carson just swiped his ID and opened the door like magic."

Thank god Carson had just swallowed his coffee because otherwise he'd be choking on it at the mention of "magic".

"This is a library, not a bank. I just opened the door," Carson said lamely. "Anyways, we need to divide up tasks before we do anything else, and come up with a central theme so we're all on the same page. I think we should address the political implications of Tragedies written around that time. They were widely popular but very controversial."

Everyone stopped and stared at him. Either he'd completely lost them or he'd gotten more antisocial than he thought if that was a shocking amount of words to come out of his mouth. Internally Carson was cursing himself for accidentally taking on the role of the leader. He'd have to work even harder to pawn off that responsibility now.

"Right. I think the professor wants us to use quotes from the literature in the project but he also expects us to do a little research and come up with a thesis, not just a word by word analysis of the reading," Ava said. Meanwhile Kelsey was muttering something under her breath about the professor having a stick up his ass.

It looked like they were finally getting on track when Ava stopped suddenly, "hey what happened on the first day of class?" She asked.

Carson's blood turned to angry sludge. He was really tired of explaining himself. "Nothing, happened, I'm just clumsy."

He shot Daniel a look who thankfully tried to smooth things over, "Yeah he just tripped into the desk and it made a lot of noise, they ought to just nail them down." Ava hummed in response, not quite satisfied with that answer but ready to drop it.

--

After coming up with ideas for their individual parts they did some quiet work. That way they could have an outline done to share before they leave. The longer Carson strained to read the tiny text in his book the more he realized he was getting a headache. Not a migraine, but he didn't feel great. They'd been working on this for hours now, Carson checked his phone to see just how long it had actually been. They got to the library at 3pm and it was now closing in on 8pm. The worst part? He'd woken up late, gotten dressed, then came straight here. Meaning he'd slept through breakfast and forgotten lunch. Typical. You'd think after living alone for a few years a person would learn to take care of themself.

Daniel gave him an odd look, "Did you leave the oven on or something?"

Carson frowned. How the hell was this guy always so good at reading him? "No, it's nothing."

He really, really wished that it was nothing and he could just go back to reading but his body was making itself clear that it would not be neglected so easily. A dizzy feeling flowed through him as the blood rushed through his head. He felt sick.

Low blood sugar, it had it's own unmistakable brand of awful. Carson quickly shoved his hands under the table so it wouldn't so obvious that they were starting to shake. His brain frantically searched for solutions. The cafe? Closed. Snacks? Didn't pack any. Vending Machine? Yes. He had enough change in his jacket to get something from the vending machine he'd spotted near the bathrooms. It would look less suspicious if he waited a few minutes then left casually but a sudden churning in his stomach decided for him. The time to leave is right now, or better yet, five minutes ago.

Carson pushed way from the table clumsily then stepped around it to get to the door. Daniel followed him with his eyes which were now pinched with concern. He wanted to follow him and ask if he was okay, but valuing his life, he decided to just let him go with no further comment.

Carson was visibly unsteady on his feet. He wasn't diabetic so low blood sugar wouldn't kill him but it sure felt like it could. A general numbness spread through his body. Next was the mysterious cold sweat that he could distinctly feel despite knowing his skin was completely dry and the clammy feeling was just in his head. His body had a tendency to wait until the very last second to alert him of a problem which was why all the symptoms seemed to slam into him at once.

"Just make it to the vending machine and get a snack. You just have to make it that far." Carson urged himself as he wove between tall bookshelves. He was starting to feel a bit light headed too. Perfect.

The vending machines came into sight in front of him, tucked into their own little alcove. He was so close, so close, so... nauseous. Gonna throw up. Change of plans. He walked right past the machines and into the men's bathroom, his heart sunk as he did. But throwing up in the hallway was simply not an option. He dove for the furthest stall and just barely got the door locked before dry-heaving over the toilet. After a few unproductive minutes of that he coughed up some the coffee he had earlier and his stomach finally seemed satisfied after rearranging its contents. Carson leaned against the wall heavily, sliding down to sit on the tile. Why am I like this? Oh right it's because I'm forgetful, irresponsible, and stupid he chided himself. Closing his eyes, Carson focused on regaining his strength so he could at least buy some food then come back to this spot. He was finally about to stand up when the door swung open. Carson froze.

"Carson, are you in here?"

It was Danny, of course.

"Yeah," he replied. It would only seem more weird if he didn't respond.

"You've been gone kinda a long time. The girls were starting to get worried." He said tentatively.

"Well I'm fine, so either take a piss or get out, would you?" Carson snapped impatiently. He wished Daniel would just shut the door already so he could suffer in peace.

Daniel rolled his eyes, "It's getting late so everyone wants to wrap up, make sure we all know what to work on, and go home. So are you coming back now?" He asked. Usually his line of questioning would be more like "Are you okay?" "What are you doing in here?" "Do you need any help?" "Are you sick?" but with Carson he'd learned the beat around the bush a little knowing he wouldn't answer any direct questions like that nicely.

Carson tried to push himself to a stand up but ended up tripping over his own feet somehow, ending up on his hands and knees. Guess that answers that question. "No," he said plainly.

"What'll it take to get you out of this bathroom?" Danny sighed, still standing by the door. He'd heard shuffling just now but still didn't really know what Carson was doing in there.

With a grimace Carson swallowed his pride and asked for help, "Um, a bag of crackers would be nice."

Daniel's brows furrowed at the strange request, but even more so at the small voice it was requested in. Crackers? That was really what he wanted right now?

"Okay, wait here."

A moment later he came back in with a small bag of cheezits and bent over looking for Carson's feet to see which stall he was in. He was surprised to see that he was most likely sitting down against the furthest wall. In the back of Daniel's mind he noted that being on the ground was a bad sign.

Meanwhile Carson was cringing with every fiber of his being. He hated being like this. If Daniel had just left he probably could have gotten them himself and avoided all this. But truthfully he still felt a little dizzy and sick.

"Um, so what did you want crackers for? You're not going to eat them in here are you? That's unsanitary." Daniel called out before sliding the bag under the door.

Just seeing the bag ignited a gnawing hunger in him. Whatever half-formed insult he had on the tip of his tongue was quickly forgotten in favor of food. Sweet, sweet sustenance. Carson tore open the bag and threw a few into his mouth, careful not to eat them too quickly.

"You know this is super weird right?" Danny asked.

"Whatever," Carson grumbled. His voice was muffled by the crackers.

"Wait a second," he paused, "were you hiding in here... because you were hungry? Seriously?" Daniel scoffed. As tough as his deskmate liked to act, he was surprisingly childish.

"Well you don't have to be a dick about it. Low blood sugar is a real and serious condition, asshole," Carson muttered. There was no real anger to his words though. He just had a habit of swearing more when being defensive. Daniel stopped laughing.

There was a rapping on the door, "Um, it's Ava. What the hell is taking you guys so long?" She called out.

"We'll be back in a minute," Daniel yelled back.

"That's what you said when you left ten minutes ago," she said impatiently.

Carson scooped out the last of the crumbs from his bag of crackers and got up. He still felt a little off but the threat of throwing up or passing out upon standing was no longer there so that's good. He reluctantly unlocked the door and walked past Danny to get to the sink.

"You look, not-healthy."

Carson scowled and took a look at himself in the mirror before splashing some water on his face. Daniel was right, despite being a lot steadier there was still a sickly paleness to his face.

--

They walked back to the study room where Kelsey and Ava were already half-packed up and ready to go. Carson sat back down in his seat and glanced at all the papers scattered across the table.

"So here's the plan..." Ava gave a detailed description of everything they'd decided since he left. It was a solid outline. And if anyone had any more questions they could just text between meet-ups.

"Oh look, it's already pretty dark outside. I hadn't even noticed," Kelsey said peeking through the blinds. "Now I'll have to have walk home in the dark."

"College campuses have some the highest rates of sexual assault." Carson said absentmindedly.

"Why would you say that right now?" Kelsey shivered.

Carson looked up at everyone's mildly horrified faces, "What? It's true, it's dangerous out there. People need to be careful." He defended.

"Well now you both have to walk us home, since you kept us here so late doing whatever the hell you were doing." Ava said crossing her arms.

"You say that like I wasn't already going to walk you home," he said. Good job Carson, real smooth. Ava's expression turned blank and confused for a second before going back to it's previous tense, subtle annoyance.

"Fine, let's get going. It would make sense to walk with whoever lives closest to each other. I live off campus."

"Same," Carson added.

Kelsey and Daniel both lived close to the dorms so it made sense for them to go together.

[purplesurveys]

733

First things first...name, please? Robyn.

Are you in high school, middle school, college? I’m supposed to be in college but I only had two months of classes for my final semester ever and I’ll always be pretty bummed about that. For now all that’s left to do/wait for is to graduate. Which grade did you just complete? The sem isn’t ending until April 30th but I’m virtually pretty much finished with my senior year of college/university. Which class was the easiest? Throughout college my easiest class was Biology 1, actually. I already loved biology from high school and given that the class I took in college was the most basic bio course being offered (and also the fact that I had spent the year before studying for college entrance exams which all had a big chunk of biology questions), I was already very familiar with the information being taught. Which one was the hardest? A stupid Econ elective that I didn’t even want to take. I only took it because it was required for us journalism majors. Philosophy 1 was also difficult and that’s mainly because I find studying philo so boring.

What was your final GPA? Nothing’s finalized yet but I’m currently at 1.47. Trying to pull it up to at least a 1.45, but we’ll see by the end of the sem.   Did you take any AP/honors classes? We don’t have that in UP. I think the other uni across the road has honors majors for those who scored higher in the entrance exams, but I don’t know that for sure. Who was your favorite teacher and why? I loved my international relations prof because he was very passionate about his pol sci specialization and was able to explain all of our topics and all concepts exceptionally well. I took one big risk taking a very unfamiliar and very advanced pol sci class and was scared in the beginning but he was such an amazing teacher that there was nothing to be scared of at all. Who was your least favorite teacher and why? My Contemporary History of the Philippines was so...all over the place. I was the beadle for his class and I always saw how unprepared he was whether with his Powerpoints, the topics he taught, right down to the questions he’d ask in class. The last straw for me was when he made us decide what we wanted to do for our final exam. Which classes did you take this year? I only had class for two months but I had the Rizal course (mandatory for all colleges/universities), History of Women in the Philippines, Online Journalism, Community Press, Business Reporting, and my PE class for table tennis. I was also enrolled in J 200 which is essentially our thesis but there weren’t any physical classes for it. What was the most memorable event? The first ones that popped in my head were the times I watched my first Oblation Run, and my first time seeing a rally. Did you attend any school dances? Which ones? In high school I went to a prom and a ball. With the pandemic issue still going around, I doubt the graduating class this year will be having the usual senior party/dinner/dance thingy.   Did you have a boyfriend this year at school? I had a girlfriend. How many guys did you have a crush on? I liked one guy when I was in high school, Lance. The crush didn’t last long because after observing him for a while I had to acknowledge that we had very different personalities. I didn’t and haven’t had any crushes, other than Gab, in college. Were you involved in any clubs? Yeah I joined one of the two journalism organizations in my college, and in my senior year I also joined the yearbook team. When I was a freshman I tried to join the biggest LGBT+ org in the university but I found the application process super daunting and scary for an introvert like myself, so I ghosted them :/ I also tried to join AIESEC but their org culture is very different from what I was used to that I had to fake it there every day; eventually I got tired of faking so I had to halt my application process. Where did you usually eat lunch? I usually never had time to go to Area 2 to get a legit lunch but thankfully there are several food stalls near all the buildings so when I’m rushing to my next class, I get instant noodles and kwek-kwek to eat inside the classroom. If I’m lucky enough to have a lunch break I’ll eat at Skywalk. Who is graduating this year that you are sad to see leave? I’m in the graduating batch, so I’m sad over not only leaving my underclassmen friends behind but also parting with my fellow graduating friends. Did you have any siblings at your school this year? Nope. Nina goes to a different school and it’s all the way in Manila. Did you ever get detention? We don’t have detention from preschool to college. Did you fail any classes? I never failed a class in college, though my lowest mark was a 2.50 in stupid econ. What is one interesting thing about your school? The Diliman commune was an event in 1971 when students, professors, and staff alike protested the oil price hike during the Marcos admin. They barricaded the roads with chairs and desks to keep the police and military from coming in, physics professors made molotovs to keep the military helicopters away, and classes were suspended for those few days; at one point a math prof who was known to be pro-admin also shot a 17 year old student. It ended a little after a week but I’m not super aware of the events at that point.

Did you have uniforms or free dress? Free dress. UP is as liberal as liberal gets, in every way possible.

Which classes will you be taking next year? :D Did you play any sports after school? Which ones? No, I’m not in varsity nor am I part of any sports orgs. Are you going to the same school next year? I’m graduating. I wish I can stay in UP forever, though.

Now let's focus on summer!

Are you excited that school is over? I’m miserable that it was over so fast. I wish I said yes to more lunches, more drinking seshes, more dinners, etc.

What are you going to do over the summer? This lockdown is already kind of like my summer, my final summer ever that is. I’ve been home for so long that I’m already looking at this as what was supposed to have been my unemployment break if the year happened normally; I’m definitely gonna have to get a job ASAP after this.

Are you going to change anything about yourself over the summer? I’m gonna be hunting for my first job, for one.

[soulflamesketches]

Almost a Mirror (Short Story)

Summary:  A lone human crash survivor is found by a race of aliens known as the Kakoreans and brought in for recovery. They wake up under their care, cautious but curious of the room and world around them. The survivor is visited by the one that discovered them often. Over time, Elion grows on the human. Turns out Humans and Kakoreans aren't that different.

Feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated!

~~~

Kakoro (Ka-Ko-rou) - Referring to the Planet.

Kakoreans (Ka-Ko-rou-ree-ins)- Species on the Planet Kakoro.

Elion (El-ee-on) - Character Name.

Serephant (Sarah-fant) - Referring to the Aquatic variety of Kakoreans.

Saharamph (Se-ha-ra-emph) - Referring to the Desert variety of Kakoreans.

Draykle (Dray-kel) - Referring to the Arctic variety of Kakoreans.

Wyrmtain (Worm-tain) - Referring to the Mountain variety of Kakoreans.

Alphein (Al-fein) - Referring to the Planetary capital of Kakoro

~~~

The crash was a scattering of fragments in my head. A blur that I couldn’t focus on. The details in my memory resurfaced when ‘they’ found me. Now, here I am. Sitting on a comfortable bed, like the ones back in the hospitals of Earth. Perhaps a little bigger to accommodate the natives. The natives ‘here’ were far more common than a stray human being like me. This WHOLE event was not what I expected - maybe I watched too many alien movies as a kid.

You tell me: what do you predict would happen if aliens found you as the lone survivor? If you watched all those Hollywood movies, you might expect to be experimented on. Even probed. This would not be the case. These… aliens simply brought me ‘here,’ wherever ‘here’ is. ‘Kakoro’ was the name given to me, albeit hesitantly, when I enquired the whereabouts of my present location.

Knock! Knock!

A small shriek escaped my throat as I leapt into a sitting position. “Careful!” Yelled a voice from the entrance. Too late, the pain shot through me like the static shocks my brother used to attack me with as kids. He would rub his socks on the carpet, before proceeding to poke me with his finger, sending a zap of currents along my skin.  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I even knocked this time!” Panicked the alien as she rushed over to me.

Oh yeah, that’s Elion. According to the doctor alien, she was the captain of the group that found me. She’s been visiting me ever since she brought me here. I’m still unsure of how to react while she’s with me. I’m still unsure of how to describe her, I’ve seen so many differences between them: Different types of scales, different appendages like wings and fins...

“I know, I know…” I growled with grit teeth, clenching my side. My grip slowly released when Elion placed her hands gently on my back and arm. The hand on my back rubbing in small circles. Just like Dad did whenever I scraped my knee, except I was tense here. “You better hope you didn’t pull your stitches,” Elion warned, lifting the fabric covering it to check.

All I could do was stare at her while she observed my wound. Most of her body was covered in small green and blue fish-like scales, all varied in their tone and shade. Pink skin emerged from the scales to make her underbelly and the bulk of her face. When I asked, they told me that she was part of the aquatic variants of the entire species. Hence why she had fin-like appendages on her back, hands and ears. Seeing Elion’s ‘unique’ features were hard to process - especially with high school biology classes failing to teach about alien life forms.

“Alright, you’re fine.” Elion’s voice broke my train of thought and my stare as I sheepishly looked away, silently hoping she didn’t notice my actions. “Sorry again.” She quickly added, her finned ears folding down like a hurt puppy. With a sigh, I placed a hand on her head, softly ruffling her short brown hair. “Stop apologising. I was in my own little world anyway,” I dismissed, offering her a small smile. She smiled in return, gently holding my wrist.

“Besides that little scare, how are you feeling?” She asked while letting go of my wrist, which I returned to rest upon my lap. “Alright, I guess? I still can’t get out of bed and I haven’t talked to anyone about the crash or my crew,” I tried to explain only to become jittery as I went. “I feel like I’m stuck - Which I am! I can only sit here! I don't have any input in the situation.” My head hung, my throat tightened while I frustratedly ranted to her.

“Give me a moment, I’ll be back, promise!” Elion said, dashing out of the room, the claws on her feet making small ‘tik tak’ sounds as she went.

Great, now I’m alone with my thoughts again. Another sigh left me as I shifted to lay down again, only for Elion to jump back into view with a dramatic exclamation of “I’m back!” before I could move an inch. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her, to think that I was terrified of this goofball when I first saw her. Eli grinned, seeming proud of the results she got. “Look at this! She can laugh!” Her laughter joined my own at our exchange. It’s like we were old friends from Uni.

Seemingly floating by her side was a transparent tablet screen that most of the official personal carry with them. I can only assume the purpose of the tablets. Taking her place at my side again, the tablet moved smoothly as it followed her and came to rest in her field of vision, she swiped across the tablet screen to summon a keypad containing the letters of their language. “You mentioned you were with a company, do you know where they are? I can attempt to contact them.”

“Really? I thought only an official could handle that,” My eyebrows knitted together as I questioned her, but she only smiled smugly “Dear little human, I am an official!” Eli declared, “Now what sector?” She questioned again. She tapped the keys in rapid succession with my words, her small claws making a small tap noise, much like the claw on her feet before. A galactic map appeared on the screen, zooming into the sector she typed, more notes in their language appearing on the side.

“And... there they are. This is the right ship?” Eli grabbed the tablet from the air and held it out to me. How the hell was this thing floating before!? It’s heavy! The screen then displayed the U.S.S. Victoria, the docking station that brought us all here. “Yeah, that’s it.” A sense of relief washed over me, glad that they were still there. The crash must have sent them into a frenzy, probably about the paperwork involved rather than finding me. “Fantastic! I’ll take this to the main com and we can call them over!”

I smiled. This was all going smoothly, was their whole planet like this? Were the others like this? I certainly hope so. I haven’t had a fun talk with anyone since I started my job. Everyone was so laser-focused on the job like their chairs had sticks to go up their asses. But Eli was so loose like her job was just second nature to her.

“Get some rest, I’ll be back tomorrow and I’ll even help you out of the bed, how does that sound?” Eli asked, wrapping her long arm around my shoulders. “Sounds like I’m an old lady who needs her walking stick,” I sighed, hitting her hand away when she reached up to pinch my cheek “You kinda do, squirt. I’ll see you tomorrow,” With that, she left my room. For once, I didn’t feel uncomfortable being in this room that was obviously too big for me. It felt like I fit right in for once…

~~~

“Wakey, Wakey, sleepyhead” I heard a sing-song voice above me while I shifted under the warm sheets. After a few more moments of refusing to move, Eli sighed and started poking me in the shoulder. “Come on, I know you’re awake. I can hear your thoughts.”

Jesus, it was like being woken up for school by mum every morning. Wait, did she just say she could hear my thoughts? “Yes, I did. Now get up. Let’s get you ready!” Eli laughed, now patting my shoulder. I opened my eyes to look up at the excited Kakorean. “What’s with the wake-up call? What time is it?” I inquired as I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes clear of sleep.

“Uh, Earth time? About 9:30 in the morning.”

Well, at least it wasn't as early as I got up for work, which was 6 am every morning even if it was a weekend. We were barely given time off since we were stuck on the ship. Elion clapped her hands together before rubbing them together excitedly, like a villain from a James Bond movie. “Let’s get you dressed, I’m taking you out.”

“Wait, ‘out’? Where?” Fatigue seemed to disappear. Now, she had my attention and I was the excited puppy in the situation. Eli laughed again, ruffling my hair. “Outside! You’ve been in this room for too long. Time to explore!”

Eli proceeded to help me shift to the edge of the bed even though I didn’t need that much help. It wasn’t my legs that were injured. But it was the thought that counts, right? Well, apparently I was wrong, cause pain still shot through my side when I tried to walk. Thankfully Eli caught me whilst scolding me to be more careful.

“Can I get a wheelchair in here please?” Eli called out into the hallway. Said object was promptly brought over to her and I was placed onto the seat like a baby placed in its stroller. The seat size was not that much bigger than me, which was surprising.

After we both thanked the nurse, Eli guided the wheelchair out of the room. As we travelled through the hallways, I took in everything I could see. Mainly the people. Doctors, patients and visiting friends or family. The atmosphere was so warm, much warmer than the hospitals of Earth. I was hard to explain it as more than just that, but it felt like it deserved a Shakespeare length monologue to describe it.

Exiting the hospital, the light was initially blinding compared to the inside lights, I covered my eyes for a moment before peeking out again once my eyes had adjusted to the light. I sighed in content after I took in a breath of fresh air. “Don’t go falling asleep now, we’ve barely left the building,” Eli teased while she giggled.

“Welcome to Alphein. The capital of Kakoro.”

The city before me felt like the city of Melbourne in size, maybe it was even bigger, this planet is full of surprises after all. Some Kakoreans flew to their destination overhead while those without wings continued on the ground. “So some can fly and some can’t?” I asked curiously, looking over my shoulder to Eli as she pushed the wheelchair onto the path, joining the crowd.

“Yep. There are fours subspecies on our planet. After a continental divide millions of years ago, we had to evolve the different climates. Those lads flying overhead are most likely the Wyrmtains or the Mountain Kakorean. They evolved in the Hydran Peaks.” Eli pointed upwards to them as she explained.

Then she gestured to another winged Kakorean, but unlike the light-skinned Wyrmtain, this one had dark skin and sand coloured scales upon their skin. “They are a Saharamph, they evolved in the desert. The first Alpha was a Saharmph.” And she continued on like this about the last two subspecies.

The Draykle were the Arctic variety. They didn’t have wings or long ears, they were big and fluffy because they were built for the cold and often needed to trim when they had to spend some time in another region of the planet.

Last but not least were the Seraphant, or the Aquatics, just like Elion. Lean and strong to swim through the seas and a lot of fins.

“What’s an ‘Alpha’?” I raised an eyebrow. “A Leader. The leader of our species and our planet. There’s a long story behind the unification of our whole species and planet, it’s basically legend now.” Eli responded, her brown eyes nearly sparkling as she spoke. Like a child hearing their favourite bedtime story for the umpteenth time but was never tired of it. “I actually know the current Alpha. Deru’s a good friend of mine.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep! Now, enough about here. Tell me about the Earth. I’ve only been there once for a mission but that was in the ocean.” Eli stopped the wheelchair at a cafe table just before a beach. The view was beautiful. Sparkling crystal seawater trying to reach further and further up the coastline, but always stopping at the same point. Other Serephants young and old were playing on the beach or resting in the tidal water.

Eli sat on the seat across from me on the table, looking at me eager to hear what I had to say. “What do you want to hear about?” I asked, feeling like I was put on the spot. It was such a broad question that I didn’t know where to begin. “Anything, really. How about your childhood?” She suggested, trying to clarify what she was looking for.

I hummed, running a hand through my hair as I thought about my answer. “A typical day that I can recall would be during school holidays. My brother and I would just play outside for most of the day, only coming inside when mum told us to. Which was for food and then bed. I remember for lunch we had fish fingers a lot, mostly because it was the easiest thing to cook while also needing to watch us. Just put them in the oven to heat up,” I chuckled, remembering the laziness of mum in the past. I’d be the same though if I’m being honest.

“‘Fish Fingers’?” Eli tilted her head. “But Earth fish, from my research, do not have fingers. The only aquatic being with fingers on Earth is the…. Uh, the…. Damnit, what’s it called?” She tapped her temple lightly but furiously as she tried to find the word. She then snapped her fingers “Axolotl! That’s it!” She grinned, proud that she remembered the word.

Another chuckle escaped my throat while I took a moment to look over the scenery once more. The beaches were clean, without a spec of garbage. I wonder what the reefs were like under the waves, maybe it was like the Great Barrier Reef back home. Probably much more gorgeous ever since the reef started to decay a few years back. Maybe Earth could have been like this planet if we weren’t so careless.

Returning to Eli, I explained “They weren’t actual fingers, Li. They were called that because of their shape. They were just made of fish. Different types depending on the brand you got.” The kakorean nodded, acknowledging everything she was hearing. Her smile widened and she giggled to herself. “What is it?” I inquired, raising a brow at the alien.

“If they’re made out of fish, can I turn my brothers into fish fingers?” Eli leant against the table, nearly doubled over in laughter. I covered my mouth, trying to hold in the laughter that Elion wasn’t even trying to. Reminds me of the time I wished my brother was chop liver when he was an annoying tyke. “Does that make you the third fish finger then?” I teased with a smirk. Eli looked at me with feigned offence, a hand placed over her chest as if she was holding her heart.

Then, as if on cue, a scaly arm wrapped around Eli’s head, catching the female in a headlock while she struggled, trying to push the face of her assailant away. “Hey, sis! This the human you were talking about?” The aquatic male had a similar scale pattern to Elion, similar short brown hair and brown eyes. Must be one of the brothers she mentioned.

“Remi! Let go of me! Or I swear on the Alpha’s name, I will--” Eli was snapping at the male while still trying to shove away. But I was pulled from listening by a tap on my shoulder. On my other side was another aquatic male, but he looked just like the other one that was bothering Eli.

“Hello! I’m Tate, it’s lovely to meet you,” He held out his finned hand for a handshake, which I shook as I introduced myself in return. “We heard that she was taking for a walk and we just had to come by!” He grinned the same toothy grin as Eli. They like cheeky buggers, just like my own brother.

Tate and I looked back at Remi and Eli as they continued to squabble. Being out here felt like a day out with friends. I haven’t had that in a long time. These fish fingers made me feel like this was home. I could stay here forever...

~~~

“Tell me if you’re in pain, cause I’ll stop right away and let you rest-”

“Eli! I’m fine, just don’t let go of me please,”

“Only if you promise not to be too sweaty, we wouldn’t want you to slip,” The Aquatic Kakorean smirked, holding my hands securely as I gripped her scaled hands in return. “Oh, shut up!” We laughed as she slowly pulled me up from the bed. I was on my own two feet again, back in my uniform once again. They were waiting outside, it was time to leave Kakoro. But part of me didn’t want to. In the days after contacting the ship, Eli took me out of my room and taught me about the planet.

I met many people here, from all corners of the planet. Other Aquatics, Desert, Mountain and Arctic Kakoreans - or Serephant, Saharamph, Draykle and Wyrmtain as Eli explained. It was just like Earth’s nationalities. I’m glad Eli was the one to find me.

“Alright I’m steady,” I stated, but I still held onto Eli’s hand as she walked me out of the hospital. Doctors nodded and smiled as we passed them which I returned no problem. Exiting the building, a shuttle was positioned among the Kakorean ships nearby. Human officers standing alongside Kakoreans, stiffly standing by with them. They looked just as uncomfortable as I was when I first got in. “Officer, thank god you’re alright!” Peggy smiled when she saw me, stepping forward to hug me, but stopped when she looked up at Eli. Noticing her gaze, Eli let go of my hand and nudged me forward.

Peggy then hugged me tightly, I returned the embrace, but my focus was on Eli. Her knitted brows and lowered ears. “Come now, officer. Let’s get you home” My higher-ups ordered, the rest of the group returning to the ship. “One-second sir,” I said, turning to my friend. She was still looking away, the male Arctic Kakorean next to her - Named Dante - rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. I hugged her, catching her off guard. “What… what are you doing?” She stuttered, a pink hue dusting her cheeks.

“Saying goodbye to my friend,” I muttered, giving her a gentle squeeze as I rested my head on her chest. The soft beating of her heart next to my ear. Eli returned the embrace just as tightly, nuzzling her face into my hair.

“You should come to visit sometime, my friends on Earth would love you,” I told, certainty in my voice as I stepped out of the embrace on my way to the ship to join my species. Eli’s ears bent down sheepishly as she scratched her cheek “I doubt I’d fit in, squirt.” She smiled sadly, raising her hand to wave at me. I grinned as I spoke my next words, also said with certainty. It caused her brown eyes to widen, surprised at my words before she smiled softly in return. They glistened with what appeared to be tears.

“Trust me, Fish Fingers! You’d fit right in!”

[dramallamadingdang]

The college madness continues. :)

So I'm sort of done hammering out the structure of this, but I'm putting it all behind a cut because it's really long (sorry to those on mobile where cuts don’t work) and is probably only of interest to people who are sort of nerdy and who like to make the game stupidly difficult for themselves. :)

First of all, I rearranged @dunne-ias's Uni/career structure as far as assigning Maxis majors to certain colleges. Mine looks like this now:

It just made more sense with all the custom majors I added, so that Sims looking to enter into certain careers will tend to sort to a certain college. (More on that further down.) So, here are my three schools:

ALT somehow became Texas A&M. :D (Only without the military aspect that that school used to have.) So, now I’ll probably use pics of that campus to inspire the layout of this one, although I’m thinking it’ll be on a lush terrain with ocean/beach access and a warm-ish year-round climate, given its oceanography and agricultural programs. Anyway, I think it'll be the most fun to build/play, with its agricultural aspect. It's the home of all of the life/health/natural and physical sciences. Pretty much all Sims with LTWs for science-related careers will go here, as well as those desiring culinary or sports greatness.

LFT became a business, social studies, and computer school, so it’s retaining a tiny piece of its “tech” moniker. :) If a Sim isn't wanting a science- or arts-related career (and there are a lot of the latter), they're most likely to end up here, but also have a fair possibility of ending up at ALT, since it has Psychology. I’ll probably keep a desert theme for this one because...Hey, I’m a desert girl. :) This one’s most likely to keep its premades, too, since I’ll likely do it as a makeover of LFT rather than a custom build. I’ll probably dormie-fy them, though because I tend to turn premades into townies when I use them at all.

SSU is essentially an arts and letters school. Musicians, dancers, fine artists, writers, and folks of a religious/metaphyical bent (AKA the "Paranormal" career) will end up here. Slackers, too, because where there are musicians, there are slackers. ;) (As a musician, I'm allowed to say that. ;) ) Anyway, given its arts main focus, I’m thinking this should be small and have more of an upscale-urban feel, like Juilliard, my alma mater. :) I’m thinking it also ought to have some sort of “audition” or portfolio requirements, for those entering into the arts majors, because all such schools do.

Of course, if I'm going to build two or three custom Unis (GOD HELP ME!), they're not going to have Maxis names, but I used the Maxis acronyms because it's what I've got right now.

Basically, how this is going to work is that Sims who have any career-related LTW -- even the Slacker one -- will possibly go to college. To get there, they have to fulfill the academic/extracurricular requirements dictated by Dunne-Ias's form. (Although for my playing I'll be altering those requirements quite a bit, mostly because the first neighborhood in which this is going to be attempted is an age-modded one that has a much-harder-skilling mod that goes with it, to stretch things out over a much longer lifespan. So, skill points are going to be worth a LOT more than grades in my scheme, and managing to qualify for a skill-point-related scholarship will be HUUUUUGE.)

IF they get into college, then a whole bunch of avenues open up. Like, say they have an LTW for the Show Business career. Well, here are their major options as they stand right now:

All of those are custom majors that for the purposes of this whole structure I have deemed to be "related to" one or more of the Maxis majors. (The related majors are in a hidden column so that I can look at/adjust them if needed.) This is how I determined which custom major would be assigned to which college, according to the structure in the first pic of this post. Some, like all of these, are only assigned to one college. Some are assigned to all three. Some are assigned to two of the three in different combinations.

So, for the Show Biz-bound, first they have to get into SSU, because for them it's the only school that offers the coursework they need. (That isn't the case for most careers, though. Most of the artsy ones are this way, though.) From there, the "Interests" and "OTH" columns will be used to help sort the prospective student into a certain major and thus guide how they'll be played as a teen.

So, say that the prospective student has the Show Biz LTW and the Film OTH. Well, then they might go into Animation, Film Production, or Theater. All of those have "Culture" and “Entertainment” as "required" interests, but where Film Production and Theater also have Fashion as a "requirement," Animation doesn't. It has Sci-Fi instead. So, say that the Sim in question has enough Sci-Fi interest for that major -- which would make that one more "attractive" to them because that's unique -- as well as enough Entertainment interest, but not enough Culture interest. So, that Sim would then have to gain Culture interest as well as have the required number of skill points in both Creativity and Logic as well as any badges or other miscellaneous things they have to do/learn/earn (Which I haven't determined for that major yet, hence the empty square), all BEFORE they can go to college. Fulfilling those requirements that they don’t already have will occupy them for their entire teenhood, pretty much, especially given that skill points take a LOT of time to acquire, if they need to do so. Of course, they also have to keep their grades up and maybe have a job and maybe some semblance of a social life. (Or maybe not; such are the demands of academic aspirations. :) )

So, that's pretty much how this is going to work in terms of what happens BEFORE the Sim gets to college. I need to finish filling in all the "requirements" for all the majors. Right now, there's 104 of them, total, including the ones I want to make -- which I want to add mostly to add more interest/OTH/skills diversity as well as more majors for certain already-specialized careers that don’t have many, like Oceanography -- and the Maxis ones I'm going to use, which isn't all of them. (Like, there's really no need for a catch-all "Biology" major when I have or will make a major for lots of different individual life/health sciences. Yeah, I know that's not how it works in real schools, but it works better for this scheme here.)

Next on the agenda is figuring out how Uni will be played once a student makes it there. I already know playable students won't be attending "rabbit hole" classes, other than finals. The main problem, I think, is going to be the grading scheme. Likely, the way this will likely play out will result in uniformly perfect grades, and I don't want that. So, I have a feeling random number generation and the College Adjuster as well as plain old manual adjustments will be used a lot. :)

As for what happens after college...Well, like I said, I don’t like having custom careers in my game, so all graduates will have a Maxis career so that their LTWs can be fulfilled. In my mind though, they’ll actually be working in the career that they studied for, not the catch-all Maxis one. Like, for instance, in the Medical category, there’s a Health Admin major, so graduates of that “program” will indeed enter the Medical career (or the Business career, since that major is in that category, too), but they will obviously not be nurses or surgeons or chiefs of staff. And of course, graduates of ALT’s Nursing program will likely be nurses their whole lives, not suddenly become surgeons. So what will “matter” will be the level number they’re at in the career, not the actual job titles. Because, let’s face it, most of the Maxis job titles are silly. :)

[biopsychs]

What I Learned From University (1st Year)

FIRST YEAR

Everyone is super friendly, especially in the first few weeks → Introduce yourself to the people sitting near you for the first few weeks of lectures. Everyone is looking for a friend or at least someone to talk to!!

If you commute, make that time productive → My bus ride was an hour there and back each day. It sucks but I would try to be productive for at least half of the commute. I have a post about being productive on public transport here.

On that note, stay on campus as long as possible each day → As soon as I got back home I would procrastinate every little thing. Stay in an already productive environment for as long as possible.

Maybe don’t buy your textbooks used → I thought I was being smart by buying used textbooks (most schools will have a buy and sell facebook page for textbooks). I ended up having to pay for access codes in order to do my online homework – access codes that cost ~$70 separately and came included with new textbooks anyways. Email your prof or talk to someone who has recently taken the class to find out if you need an access code. If you do, your best bet is to buy a new version of the textbook (unless you can get a seriously cheap used textbook).

Print off your timetable and find all of your classes before the first day → This helped me so much! I found exactly where all my classes were before the first day of class. I wrote down little tricks to help me remember where everything was (i.e. my calc lecture is in the arts and science building which is also where the only subway on campus is).

Don’t knock living at home to save money → If you’re lucky enough to have a college or university close to home at least consider living at home. Getting your own place or living in dorms is expensive. (But if you have to find off campus housing on your own, don’t leave it too late or you might not find a place)

Figure out the best way to take notes for each class → You have to customize the way you study for each class, all depending on the prof and the content. I hand-wrote notes for some classes (chem, calc, and physics), but not others (psych and bio). If you’re writing by hand you can always just annotate your textbook notes or lecture slides (if they’re posted before class). If you fall behind while taking notes, just leave a gap and check out a friend’s notes after class.

Adjust your expectations → Don’t expect to get straight A’s, like you might have in high school. You can strive for straight A’s but be realistic as time goes on. For classes I struggled with, I expected to be near the class average. If I was a lot lower than the class average then I would know to invest more time.

Make time for physical activity → If we’re being honest I hardly exercised during uni. Go for at least a half hour walk each day and try to start a physical activity routine. Get a friend and join a sports team, go to a fitness class, or commit to some form of a daily workout with them! You’ll feel bad bailing on someone else, plus working out is more fun with other people.

Review content throughout the semester → Reviewing little bits of content will save you a massive content review right before finals! Look through old notes while you wait for your daily coffee or take 15 minutes to watch some khan academy videos on stuff you learned in the first month of classes.

Think seriously about how much you can handle → Don’t take on too many responsibilities at once and consider all of your options! I worked weekends and some week nights throughout the school year. Looking back I should have worked less because my stress levels were way too high. Also, quite a few people I talked to took 4 classes instead of 5, for their first semester of university. I don’t think I would have done it, in the end, but it’s always something to consider.

Have fun but be responsible at parties → Always go to parties with people you trust!! If you didn’t do much partying/drinking during high school (like me), remember to pace yourself when drinking! Eat before you go out and have some water between each drink, till you find your limit. Don’t let yourself be peer-pressured into anything but also don’t be afraid to have fun! And check out if your uni has a safe walk program (someone will come and walk you back to your dorm or your car if you feel unsafe or nervous for any reason)

When procrastination hits, aim to be productive in some way → The only reason my biology mark was so high was because I would study biology whenever I got sick of studying for physics and calculus. If you know you need to study but just can’t do it, start by being productive in some other way – study a subject you do like, do your laundry, organize your study area, etc. Get your brain to start thinking productively.

Labs are difficult so be prepared → I had so many labs first year. Some tips: eat and hydrate before labs, never assume you can finish your prelab last minute, be nice to your lab partner, always remember lab safety (don’t be the person trying to wear shorts in the lab, TAs will not hesitate to kick you out), don’t rush through an experiment but be efficient, and ask for help (even if you feel like you’re bothering your TA).

Please go to bed early. Sleep affects everything → I was so dumb and would never go to bed early even though I had to be up at 6 am almost every day to catch the bus. Lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually!! Also, all nighters are not necessary, unless you make them necessary. I prioritized and never had to stay awake too late. And never pull an all nighter the night before an exam (you’re better off getting sleep and resting your brain).

Bring a water bottle everywhere → Buy a decent water bottle and always carry it with you. Even though my uni is small there are still tons of spots around campus where I can refill my water bottle!! Stay hydrated my friends!

A practice problem a day keeps the F away → This saying probably works best for science classes, but I guess a reading a day will get you somewhere too. Do something for every class each day, even if it’s just a practice problem or a quick reading. Develop a routine!

You’ll have lots of midterms → I was under the impression that midterms happened just once a semester (I thought I would have one week where I had a midterm for each class). That was not my reality. I had 2 or 3 midterms for each of my classes scattered throughout the semester. Study really hard for your first set of midterms till you get used to the high expectations!

Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking → This is mostly in regards to social media. I was bummed when I looked back on my first year of university, because I felt like I hadn’t done anything fun compared to other people. You only see the image that other people want you to see. You don’t know how hard someone worked or how hard they didn’t work. Just focus on you and how you can affect positive results in your life.

Other people literally don’t care about your appearance → My friend’s little sister visited campus and asked us “Why is everyone wearing sweatpants?” People literally don’t care. Dress nice and put lots of makeup on one day, because you feel like it, and wear sweats the next day.

Start essays and reports as soon as possible → You never know what might come up so be prepared for the worst! Outline your essay or graph your data as soon as you can.

Eat healthy and do meal prep → You can eat healthy during university! Set aside a couple of nights each week to do meal prep. Cook food in bulk to save money and don’t eat out too much. Try to have at least 1 serving of fruits or veggies with each meal or snack you eat!

Find a good study spot on campus → Explore your campus and figure out your favourite places to study. I had a couple of spots where I would always meet my friends to study and quiet spots where no one would bother me. Studying outside or in an area with natural light is always good.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your profs and TAs → This is the number one thing I’m going to try to do more of in my second year. TAs are chill to talk to and they can tell you tons of useful information on what upper year classes are like, which professors are good, why they chose to go to grad school, etc. If you’re struggling in lectures or labs, talk to your prof or TA! Make an appointment and be sure you can tell them exactly which concepts you’re struggling with or at least where you got lost. One of my profs told us he just waits hopefully during office hours for someone to come in. (Also profs love it if you ask them about their research or any topics they seem passionate about during lectures.)

Explore all the resources your university has to offer → My university has a program that is basically people bringing their dogs around for students to pet, in order to relieve stress. It actually works and gave me something to look forward to! Just be aware of your options so that if something in your life changes you know where you can go to ask for help.

Get a planner and utilize it → There’s no excuse not to have a planner of some sort. Use your phone, get a bullet journal, or buy a cheap planner. Have somewhere where you can record important deadlines and make to do lists. I also recommend back planning all of your studying at the beginning of the semester. Write down your midterms and finals dates and write down how much you’re going to study each day leading up to the exam. This way you’ll be able to look ahead at each month and figure out what needs to be done (i.e. getting an essay done early because the due date falls during a busy week of midterms)

This post ended up being a lot longer than I expected whoops. Take the things I said into consideration but remember that everyone’s experience will be different. Good luck to everyone heading to university!

My Other Posts:

AP lit tips

high school biology

organization tips

physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes

recommended reads

reminders for myself

using your time wisely on public transport

what i learned from high school

[warping-reality]

Rooftops: Intro & Ch. 1

So, due to overwhelming support-and by that I mean @cheezit-insanity said she’d read it, so-here’s the intro and first chapter of the book I’m writing, Rooftops. 

Rooftops: a Novel

by Jeneve Wilder

Introduction

                We lived at the top of what used to be a publishing house. It had been abandoned for many years, until the current landlord won it gambling and leased it out to those desperate enough to stay there. And they were desperate, each and every one of them.

               The ground floor could often be found with three or four of the homeless sleeping in the makeshift lobby, seeking shelter from the bitter cold. Four prostitutes lived on the fifth floor—a nice bunch, considering. We didn’t see much of the other residents.

               There was no heat—an unfortunate circumstance in a northern state where the wind could slice right through you. The stairwell and floors creaked with age and the main doors didn’t have locks. Not that there was any real need for them.

               We didn’t have anything worth stealing.

               There were six of us, in total; or rather, three pairs of us. We came in pairs.

               The first pair was Oliver and RiRi. Siblings, though you wouldn’t guess it. Oliver was studying law at Uni, fancied making a name for himself. RiRi fancied the same, only she went about different means. Night and day, Oli and Ri were. RiRi’s real name was Rhianna, and she went by Anne, but when they came to live with the rest of us we already had an Anne—formally Joanna. So, they flipped for it, Anne won, and RiRi had to find a new nickname. RiRi was a lot of things. Bright. Loud. A headache, according to Shiloh. She wore graphic tees and snapbacks, piling long waves of burnt orange hair up into haphazard ponytails. Oliver was everything RiRi wasn’t. Respectful. Proper. Just a bit full of himself, but then he’d had a hard time of it, as did most black kids from a poor family. (Yes, you read right. RiRi was adopted. No continuity flaws here.) He had to grow up a bit too fast. Then again, we all did.

               Next were Rose and Peter. Or Peter and Rose, if you prefer. Unlike Oliver and RiRi, neither name had to come first. (Some people are just funny like that, aren’t they, where their names must be said in a particular order, or else it’s wrong? Try saying ‘Hermione and Ron’ or ‘Frodo and Sam’ and you’ll see what I mean.) Anyways, Peter and Rose are hard to define. Peter was a tattoo artist, Rose an apprentice in the shop he worked in. That’s how they met. They were disgustingly in love, that much was obvious to anyone around them, yet they didn’t seem to have the same urgency to their relationship that others did. Not much is known about Rose. (Read: the girl is a fucking mystery.) She’s Latina, wears leather, and rides a motorbike that most of her salary goes towards. She’s a decent artist, street smart, and completely terrifying. That’s all. Peter’s a bit easier-he’s an absolute sweetheart. When you think of Peter, you think of watercolor and beat up converse, of messy hair and goofy smiles, pencils stuck behind ears and faded shirts pulled on inside out.

               Shiloh and Anne were last. Best friends since they had met in a community theatre production at 15 and 13 respectively, the two were absolutely inseparable. Shiloh is tall. Annoyingly tall, according to Anne, who is 5’2” and ¾”. Choppily cut, short blonde hair hangs in her face, obscuring her eyes. Shiloh cut it when she was 16 as an act of rebellion against her mother. She was 21 now, and hadn’t spoken to her mother in almost 5 years. Anne and Shiloh were both students at Uni alongside Oliver, Shiloh studying Pre-Med and Anne undeclared. Where Shiloh was ungainly and awkward, Anne was graceful and poised. Her abundant curls of dark, Hawaiian hair flowed well past her waist. She wore loose, fluid clothing and made her own jewelry. Years of dancing had made her lithe frame strong and slender. She was the undisputed mother of us all, taking care of each of us in her own special ways.

               Now you have the setting and the cast of characters laid before you. Now you must await the lift of the curtain, for that odd stage play of life to start and the actors to perform.

               This is our story, we six strange thespians of unusual origins on our opening debut. We invite you to join us, in a year of our lives.

Rooftops: Chapter 1

              Shiloh grinned into the wind as she urged her bike faster down the street. Anne was pulling up close behind her, challenging the small lead Shiloh had won over the past seven minutes. Gritting her teeth, she soared tightly around the last curve in their route, gaining another foot on Anne before screeching to a stop outside the Chemistry building. Anne panted as she pulled up a second later.

              “Oh hush, I’m tired,” she said, rolling her eyes at Shiloh’s smirk.

              “Maybe your legs are just too short,” the other girl laughed.

              “Need I remind you that I’ve won for the past two days?”

              Shrugging, Shiloh swung off her bike, walking it over to the rack by the side of the building. She kneeled, tugged a small weed out from a crack in the pavement, and quickly chained up her bike. Anne tugged a knot of dark, tangled hair from her helmet, wincing as she did so.

              “I’m late. Are we on for lunch?”

              “Nah, not today.” Shiloh checked the time. “I’ll be heading to the gym with Oli. And relax, you’ve still got a few minutes.”

              “Alright, see you tonight then.”

              Shiloh waved a distracted goodbye as Anne pedaled away. Jogging to the third floor, she headed on into her classroom, despite being almost half an hour early.

              Ms. Rigley glanced up with a small smile as Shiloh bounded towards her desk, dropping off the latest homework assignment into the blue inbox.

              “Hey, Ms. R. Anything I can help with?”

              “Good morning, Caulton.” Ms. Rigley always called everyone by their last name. “If you could copy these notes onto the board, it would be helpful.”

              Shiloh nodded, grabbing the pages and beginning to write the formulas out in careful strokes. It never hurt to be on a professor’s good side, especially with midterms coming up, so Shiloh was more than happy to offer her assistance. The time passed in silence, broken only by the occasional squeaking of the marker or shuffling of papers. Shiloh stood back to survey her work, and then she headed to her chair.

              One by one, fellow students started filing in, stopping to drop their work off. Shiloh’s fingers itched with the temptation to straighten the haphazard pile. They were a small class, slightly cramped into a stuffy room with large windows. Holden nodded a greeting to her as he slid into the desk to her left and pulled out his notebook. Ms. Rigley stood, and the class began.

              Although a Biology major, Shiloh found Ms. Rigley’s Organic Chem to be her favorite class, mostly due to the teacher herself. She was gruff, and a harsh grader, but she obviously cared for her student’s success and mental health, allowing them occasional breaks from homework and always providing extra credit. Clicking her pen, Shiloh set herself to copying down the first problem.

              ~

              Pre-wrap was her best friend, Shiloh decided as she stepped from the changing room into the bright fluorescence of the gym interior. There was comfort in the familiar routine of preparation before any task, especially exercise. She passed a colorful poster boasting, ‘Today is YOUR Day,’ and plopped down on a mat next to Oliver.

              “How was your day?” She grabbed a roller and started stretching. “And please don’t start rambling about your newest law assignment thing again,” she found it prudent to cut off that line of discussion before it started. “It’s fucking boring.”

              In response, Oliver rolled his eyes. “As I have stated many times, my field of study has innumerable possible applications to help people. Law is not boring, it’s fascinating. It’s a puzzle.” He paused. “I suppose such a study is only for those with true dedication.”

              Shiloh chuckled. Oliver had a way of speaking properly. She supposed it was his way of distancing himself from the slum he grew up in. At least it would help his law career.

              Their friendship was an easy one, built on mutual comradery, gym life, study halls, and light teasing. cha

              She switched legs, working on her left calf, and changed the subject. “Anne’s picking up dinner tonight—”

              “Redundant, she does so every night.”

              Shiloh charitably ignored the interruption. “Should I let her know of any preferences?”

              Oliver grunted, seemingly unconcerned. “If it’s not Indian I don’t mind, but if I must have any more curry, my tongue will fall off.”

              “Blame Peter for that one. I’ll let her know.”

              “Want to cycle in on the bench?”

              “Sure, I’d like someone to spot me anyway,” Shiloh answered. “Want to row a bit first though. Can you entertain yourself for 20 minutes?”

              “Fine with me, I’ll jog.”

              “Cool, I’m almost done here. You never answered me though.”

              Confusion flickered across his face. “Answered what?”

              “How was your day?”

              “Oh. Fine.” Oliver’s usually gruff voice pitched a little higher and softer. “I met someone new.”

              “Do tell.”

              “Her name is April. She just transferred from community college.”

              What an incredible way to give me no information of importance, Shiloh thought. “Do you like her?”

              Her suspicions were confirmed by the acute redness that flushed across the back of Oliver’s neck. “She’s nice enough,” he huffed.

              “So that’s a yes then,” she sing-songed. Oliver just rolled his eyes in annoyance. Tapping her chin, Shiloh pretended to think. “Wonder what the rest will think of this! Oli’s got a fling!”

              “Ah, keep it under wraps, would’ja?” He asked, reverting to his old slang, betraying his nerves. “I kinda was thinking ‘bout takin’ it slow, like.”

              “I gotcha,” Shiloh grinned. This girl must be really something. “I suppose I could be persuaded to keep my lips sealed, for now. Hope she’s as great as you seem to think.”

              “Yeah, well,” he scratched his hear. “You better get to rowing if we are to leave in time for dinner.”              

              Shiloh gave him a quick salute, and bounded towards to rowing machine.

              ~

              After their time at the gym was done, the two biked home, delightfully sore. When they finally arrived, and hiked up the seven flights of stairs, they found the apartment mostly abandoned. A quick glance at the coat rack, which was a bunch of push pins Anne had shoved into the hardwood, told them that RiRi was the only one home. They headed to the central room where RiRi sat, headphones in and eyes glued to her laptop screen.

              Oliver caught Shiloh’s eye, indicating with a jerk of his head to take the left. Shiloh nodded, mouth twitching upwards at the corners. In unison, they snuck closer to the unaware redhead. Pouncing with a jubilant shout, their fingers quickly found her sides, and RiRi shrieked, falling off her perch and crashing into Oliver. Shiloh clambered over the chair to join the impromptu huddle, continuing to tickle RiRi mercilessly until she cried uncle.

              RiRi lay on her back, panting. “Scare the life right out of me, why don’t you,” she grumbled, mustering up a glare.

              Oliver smiled, kissing her cheek in a belated greeting. “You should know better, losing track of time and letting your guard slip in house full of pranksters.”

               “Is it really six already?” RiRi cast a longing glance towards her computer. “And I’d hardly count Peter as a prankster.”

              Shiloh gave an undignified snort. “That’s only because nobody’s ever caught him. I still say he’s responsible for switching all my coffee out for decaf/

              Oliver and RiRi simultaneously at the reminder of that awful week. An undercaffeinated Shiloh could be the plot of a horror movie.

              “Anything exciting happen while we were out?” Shiloh asked, unconcerned with the dramatics of the siblings. “Please tell me you weren’t on the computer all day.”

              “Actually,” RiRi answered with a sniff, “I went on a walk around noon.”

              Oliver gasped with mock horror. “You left the house? Haven’t we taught you the dangers of the outside world? Have you learned nothing?”

              Shiloh quickly cottoned on and joined the act. “I never thought I’d see the day! Our little RiRi, all grown up and venturing outside!” She wiped away a fake tear. “The sky is red! Cats and dogs are getting along! I’m suddenly straight! The world’s turned upside down!”

              There was a brief pause, and then Oliver and Shiloh collapsed into a fit of giggles.

              “Oh, bugger off. I’m not that reclusive.”

              “You are that reclusive. And British, apparently.”

              Oliver quickly derailed the conversation before the two could devolve into their usual bickering. “Did you accomplish anything productive, or have you just watched Jean Bailey all day?”

              “I have actually! I uploaded a video and started on scripts for a couple others.” Her voice took on a light and excited tone, as it always did when RiRi talked about her work. She was pursuing a career on YouTube, eager to make her money doing something fun. Currently, she only had about 1,200 subscribers, but she carried a confidence that her channel would soon take off.

              “Is Anne back yet?” RiRi continued. “I’m hungry.”

              Shiloh checked her watch. “She should be back soon, no clue as to what she’s bringing.”

              “As long as it’s not Indian,” Oliver sighed.

              Shiloh shrugged and walked away to dump her backpack in her room. Might as well loose herself in a book while waiting, she reasoned. Shiloh let her fingers trail over various options before settling on the familiar comfort of Pride and Prejudice. Cracking it open, she settled down to read. The familiar sentences and notes scrawled in the margins served to soothe her tired mind.

              These books were her principal possessions. Shiloh had precious little in the way of things. Her side of the room was furnished with a simple desk and chair, and a mattress with two blankets was tucked into a corner. Random sketches Peter or Rose had left lying around were tacked haphazardly to the walls; a sheer piece of cloth hung over the single window overlooking a back alley. A thin screen separated her side from Anne’s. But her books were everywhere-stacked against the walls or in orderly piles on the floor. Shiloh could tell you where each was, name each author, even recite entire chapters from some of her favorites. She had always had a good memory for small things like that. These books were her haven away from the chaos of the real world.

              Shiloh finished reading about the first ball. Glancing out the window, she could see the familiar blue glint of Anne’s bike chained to a tree. Grinning broadly, Shiloh marked her place, slipped the book back on the pile under the desk, and jogged out to meet her friend.

              She entered the den at the same time as Anne, the later carrying several bags. “Who wants Pho?” Anne called. No sooner had the words left her mouth than a brightly colored blur snatched the food from her hands, plopping down on one of the handstitched beanbags that occupied the majority of the room.

              “Did you get me vegetarian?” RiRi asked, already digging through the first bag.

              Anne rolled her eyes, opting not to answer. Shiloh could have laughed-Anne had been catering to all of their dietary restrictions for years; it was unlikely she would forget.

              RiRi found her soup and happily started preparing it, the rest shoved to the side. Ambling over, Shiloh nodded help to Anne and started to rummage for her own. Oliver emerged from his room a minute later, and the four sta down to eat together, pow-wow style.

              “Where are Rose and Peter?” Oliver asked after thee edges of everyone’s hunger were sated.

              “Working late at the shop,” Anne answered. “At least, that’s what they texted me. I suspect they skived off for some alone time, so I brought extras for them to have when they get back,” she added, gesturing to the half empty bags.

              Oliver nodded. Shiloh stirred her soup three times and gulped some down. Minding the tipsy bowl, Anne swung her legs into Shiloh’s lap.

              Understanding through some unspoken bond, Shiloh shifted to stir her soup again while her left hand started lightly kneading Anne’s calves. They were each often sore, and a light massage was always welcome. Usually, they were each glad to oblige. “Went to the studio today?” Shiloh asked, already knowing the answer.

              Sure enough, Anne nodded. “Yeah. My legs are killing me—I need new pointe shoes.”

              Shiloh hummed in acknowledgment, stirring her soup three times, her spoon scraping against the cardboard of the bowl. Anne continued without prompting.

              “I started on a new choreography today. It’s a lot of fun. More modern than I’m used to.”

              They ate in silence for a while. RiRi’s voice broke through harshly. “Would you stop that?” She asked in annoyance as Shiloh stirred her Pho three times yet again.

              Shiloh started. “Stop what?” she asked.

              “Stirring your soup! Three times before each bite. It’s creepy.”

              “Oh,” she turned a blank stare back towards her bowl, setting her spoon and chopsticks down. “Sorry.”

              Almost predictably, Anne’s brow creased in worry. When she spoke, her voice was pitched low so that the other two couldn’t pick up on their conversation. “Are your compulsions acting up?”

              Shiloh shrugged noncommittally, refusing to life her gaze and meet Anne’s steady stare. Anne dropped it with a long look that promised they’d be revisiting the subject later.

              After their meal, Shiloh started to clean the trash from the area as Anne drew RiRi aside for a private talk. Straining her ears, Shiloh managed to catch the tail end of Anne’s sentence.

              “…be more patient…not Shi’s fault…compulsions… struggling…be more supportive…”

              The palms of Shiloh’s hands rubbed fruitlessly at her eyes, feeling the grittiness of exhaustion setting in. Although she appreciated Anne’s willingness to defend her, her faced flushed with anger and shame. She could deal with it on her own, and certainly didn’t need someone fighting her own battles.

              “I just don’t understand,” RiRi’s voice was easier to overhear, her tone lacking the soft lyrical quality that Anne’s always carried.

              “No, you don’t.” Anne snapped in response. She took a deep breathe presumably for composure, and started speaking quietly again. Shiloh moved closer under the ruse of throwing away the bags. “Look, just because you don’t understand something, especially an illness, doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful. It’s like—like Oliver’s MS. You don’t need to understand OCD. Just stop being such a dick about it.”

              RiRi started to respond, but Shiloh had heard enough. She threw away the trash and headed to her room. First, she lay on her mattress, tossing slightly. Staring at the rough sketch of a ballerina, she traced the familiar lines with her eyes. The activity did not calm her. If anything, her thoughts became more jumbled, fingers picking restlessly at the jersey comforter.

              Giving up with a weary sigh, Shiloh stood, pushing her window up and clamber out onto the fire escape. She liked going to the roof when she needed to think, letting her legs dangle over the edge and staring up at the stars.

              So, that���s what she did now.

              RiRi’s impatience wasn’t bugging her. Hell, she was right, it was annoying and she should have a lid on it. Anne was also right. Compulsions were worse, she was jittery and unfocused at the best of times lately. Shiloh hated the loss of control. And wasn’t that what her disorder was supposedly all about? Compulsions leading to a false sense of control?

              She lay on her back, the sky laid out above her. A few blinking starts peered back, not distinct enough to form a recognizable constellation. She missed the stars. In fact, Shiloh didn’t think she had seen a sky full of stars for years. Ah well, small price to pay for living in the city.

              Her fingers listlessly tapped out the rhythm to ‘Ramble On’ by Led Zeppelin. With a shudder, she realized she hadn’t grabbed a jacket before heading up.

              Shiloh stayed outside another few minutes, staring up at the stars and letting her mind go blank. An airplane passed high overhead. Shiloh’s dad used to be a pilot. She distantly wondered if that was him now, way up above her.

              The wind blew, bringing a distinct chill with it. Shiloh heaved herself up and climbed back down. Her rooftop venture left her much calmer than before, if also slightly melancholy.

              Ducking back inside her window, Shiloh latched it and prepared for the next day. She had just flicked off the light and slid between her blankets when the door creaked open.

              “Shiloh?” Anne’s voice called, barely louder than a whisper. Shiloh could feel her presence, barely a foot from where she lay.

              Squeezing her eyes shut, Shiloh stayed very, very quiet and very, very still.

              A silent beat, an intake of breath. Then—

              “Goodnight, Shiloh,” Anne’s voice was closer than before. “I love you.”

              Shiloh squeezed her eyes even tighter. Tension ran along every line of her body. She was sure that if Anne reached out and touched her with a feather-light finger, she would snap like a rubber band. But Anne merely crossed the room, footsteps fading away behind the screen.

              It took Shiloh a long time to fall asleep that night.

[rfassholes]

[PLATONIC} HC where MC time travels (from the future) and they meets the RFA guys and gal and they end up feeling protective over them for no reason? like ?? they don't feel any romantic love for this MC they just "oh hello stranger that I suddenly want to keep safe" ?? and it turns out that this MC is their future child and they were just curious to see how their parents were in the past. But when MC returns to her timeline the RFA's memories about them are deleted for their own safety though.

I’m really sorry if this one was short; If you’d like me to add more, please request it with specifics! I’m sorry if that sounds stupid, considering your request was detailed. I just c o u l d n ‘ t write for some reason. Anyways, I hope you like it even if they’re short!

Yoosung:

As a child, you were always told that your dad was an amazing veterinarian, but you could never go with him to work

However, you were given the opportunity to go see him at any point in his life, so you instantly thought of his college years

He always was kinda quiet about those

You ended up on a uni campus when you had gone back and recognized it as the one your dad had a diploma from

Walking around, you were able to get ahold of his class schedule and decided to attend a lecture he had that day

Once you got to the lecture hall, you looked around trying to find a kid with bright blond hair

Yoosung was texting under the desk on his phone when you walked over to sit by him

However, instead of walking, you ended up tripping quite badly and hit yourself on his desk and bolted up asking if you were okay

“Would you like me to go get ice or something?” “No, it’s alright; thank you, though” “Well, we’ve got a few minutes until the professor shows up.

What’s your name? I’m Yoosung Kim!”

Wait shit

Do you say your name?

Well, his memories of you are going to be erased anyways

“Uh, I’m MC. MC Kim. Nice to meet you, Yoosung” He smiled quickly and responded before taking his phone out again, “Pleasure’s mine!” “Who’re you texting?” “Just some friends. We’re throwing a party in a few days, and we’re still planning”

The professor walked in before you could ask any more questions and now you had to sit through it

Oh well, your dad was probably going to be taking notes the entire time so it’d probably be boring

Nope, he continued texting

That is, until the professor was telling him off and you could see him still messaging the chat

Tch, and you thought you were bad

When the professor walked away, he spoke again “Sorry if that scared you at all. I’d just rather pay attention to my friends than biology. Maybe I could give you my number, so I know that you’re okay? You hit yourself pretty hard on my desk” “Sorry, I don’t have a phone, but you’re quite nice for asking if I’m alright”

After the lecture ended, you gave a goodbye and walked around just a bit more before you had to go, wondering about that party he was talking about

Zen:

Okay, if your dad was a fairly famous actor, his life had to have been somewhat interesting

After all, he mentioned a motorcycle gang and you knew he used to smoke and drink quite a bit

When you traveled back, you wound up on a movie set and were able to find him easily from that white ass hair of his

Figuring you had to fit in, you took a water bottle from a PA and decided to go bring it to him

“Oh, thank you” “No problem” “Woah, who’re you? Don’t think I’ve seen that cute face around here”

Oh hell no

Seriously, Dad?

“Uh, um, I’m sixteen” “Alright? Oh. OH. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ “Mhm. Anyways, I’m MC, Hyun” “How did yo-“ “Oh, um, bye! Have to go!”

You practically ran away, not noticing you took the water bottle with you

When you turned back around to make sure no security guards were following you, you saw him staring at you

Even though he wouldn’t remember this, the embarrassment still felt like it would matter

Walking quickly back over, you saw that he took out his phone and started texting, but you were determined to get it over with

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ “It’s alright. I was just worried you were feeling sick or something” “No, it’s alright. Thanks, Dad”

dAMMIT, MC

This time you actually ran

Once you were back to your time, you couldn’t look at him for a solid three days

Jaehee:

Your mother was staying up again, running up numbers for the café, and you were curious as to how she was still working

Let alone alive

You had also heard that your family friend, Jumin Han, used to be her boss

That alone had you have so much respect for her

So when you were given the opportunity to go back to the time where she worked under him, you were excited to see her

That is, until you were asked by a dozen people to get coffees in an unfamiliar room of cubicles and doors leading to offices

You ended up borrowing some paper from a random woman and went around to get all the orders

It was kind of similar to what you did in the café sometimes, anyways

Dropping off all the coffees, you had four left that were for one office

When you went to find the number, you stopped at the placard by it that read ‘Jaehee Kang’

You were trying to balance all the cups when you twisted the doorknob ad you practically fell into the room

While trying to regain your balance, you ended up spilling a two of four all over yourself and you were trying not to yell out

Sure, you had spilt a few when you were running around the café, but this shit b u r n e d

Jaehee, on the other hand, was trying to help you the moment you stumbled through the door

She couldn’t stop the cups from tipping, but she grabbed the other two before those got dropped and set them on her desk

“Would you like me to get some napkins?” “Yes, please”

She was back in barely a minute along with some burn cream and an ice pack

“I’m really very sorry that you got hurt. It’s my fault for needing so much caffeine” “Don’t worry; it’s my job” “We haven’t had new interns here in a while, so thank you for helping out. Do you want the ice pack? It should help a bit”

You only nodded and tried to set it where you had gotten burned the most

“Maybe instead of getting everyone food, would you like to help me edit some reports?” “Sure, Mo-Ms. Kang” “Jaehee is alright; what’s your name?” “MC Kang” “There’s some pens on my desk. You can grab one and read through the green one, MC. Also, make sure you don’t keep the ice pack on it constantly. You might wind up with other burns”

You ended up staying there for a couple of hours and she told you to leave after it hit eleven pm

“Have a good evening, Jaehee” “You, too, MC. Stay safe tonight”

Seven:

Your parents were very hush hush about your dad’s old work and you slightly suspicious to say the least

When you were given the opportunity to see him on the job nearly twenty years ago, you instantly agreed

You kind of regretted it now, considering you were in the middle of a forest at night

It was odd to walk around by yourself when you barely see the moon from under the trees

A little voice in your head said that you were being tricked since you’d been walking around for a couple of minutes with no sign of the red-head

And then the shouting started

“Well, I’m sorRY, MARY. We can’t all be perfect when it comes to beating the shit out of people” “You’re lucky I had my taser, dumbass”

You tried to go by the voices but ending up falling over a rock and getting your ankle wedged between it and a log

“Do you think someone else made it out?” “Always check for good measure”

Two figures with swinging flashlights were walking towards you while you were trying to roll the log away

“Not an agent” “Yeah, not an agent. Were you trying to listen to us?”

That was the voice that sounded familiar out of the two so you tried to face them as best you could

“No, I was on a hike” “At two in the morning?” “Yeah” “Do you need help? It looks like you might’ve twisted something”

The other person in a garish looking outfit started speaking

“You know we can’t bring someone back” “But they look like they’re in pain” You decided to butt in, “It’s ‘cause I am, dumbass”

One person handed their flashlight to the one in the leopard print and walked over to help you roll the log away

When they offered a hand to help you up, you recognized them as your dad and gratefully took the support to get up

“707, you can’t take them back to the bunker with you” “Watch me” “Bu-“ “Their ankle is either rolled or sprained. Do you want them stumbling around these woods at this time?” “Well, no, but you have a jo-“ “And that job is to help others”

He helped you stand up properly to walk and started leading you towards a brightly colored car, much to the dismay of the other walking behind you two

You were driven to a bunker that you recognized from pictures with a blindfold over your eyes for safety measures

Your ankle was wrapped up and your few scrapes were cleaned before he offered to drive you back to wherever you were from

“Just a few miles from here should be fine. I’ll find my way back” “You sure?” “Yep” “I’m glad we were in the woods, or else you’d still be stuck there” “Probably, thank you again” “No need”

He was the one who ended up driving you to a random intersection after driving for a few minutes

When you were about to shut the door, he spoke again, “Hey, I didn’t catch your name” “I didn’t throw it, Saeyoung”Jumin:

Being from an extremely well off family, you were curious as to how your father used to run the company

Your grandfather had only died a year or two ago and that’s when you got more involved with it

You could watch him be the big boss whenever you went to the office building

But what about when he was only the heir?

Granted, he was a director, but it still intrigued you when you had the chance to go back in time to see him

You were now standing in a hallway of what looked to be the upper stories of an office building that you easily recognized

While you were walking around taking in how the building used to look, a white cat ran past you

Only assuming it was the one from the photo albums, you followed the cat as best you could

“El-Elizabeth?” you called to the cat while it was sitting at the end of the hallway

Even though in your time this cat had died around four years ago, you still cared about it from the slightly-blurry pictures your father had showed you

At the mention of its name, the cat perked up and walked to you and you were allowed to scoop it up in your arms

Walking back through the hallways trying to find the door marked ‘Jumin Han’, you were stopped by two people in all-black suits

The first one spoke in a downright disgusting tone, “Now why is a hot piece of ass like yourself in this hallway? Did Mr. Heir dump you out here?” “No, piss off”

The second spoke with a much more business-like tone after glaring at the other

“Why are you smuggling the cat of the heir of this company?” “I’m MC Han, and just returning her”

The man didn’t want to take any chances at the name Han, so he escorted you to an office and stood outside the door while you knocked

A person called through the office, “Who is it? Did you find Elizabeth the III?” “I have your cat, Mr. Han”

At the mention of cat, the door flew open with your father holding it open

“Please come in, as you were the one to find my life mate” “Your what now?” “My Elizabeth the III” “Right”

You crouched down to let the cat out of your arms and stood back up before stepping in cautiously

“I’m indebted to you for finding her” “Not really. She was just in the hallway” “Yes, but nobody else found her. Could I ask your name?” “It’s MC Han” “I’m sorry; are you a relative?” “Not yet- I mean, not quite” “Are you a person of my father’s?” “No” “Very well, how may I repay you for bringing her back?” “You really don’t ne-“ “Yes, I do. Please answer my question” “Well, there was a guard that was harassing me earlier”

His head snapped up to you since he was sitting down to pet Elizabeth “Which?” “The one with the blond hair outside the door”

Calling once again to the outside of the door, Jumin spoke coldly, “Smith, get your ass in my office”

Seeing your father swear wanted to make you laugh, but you maintained a straight face

The guard from earlier stepped in looking around the room anxiously “Is everything alright, Mr. Han?” “Not for you. What did you tell MC earlier in the hallway?” “I asked why someone as good-looking as themselves were standing alone and if you had kicked them out” “You do realize how inappropriate that is, yes?” “Yes, Sir” “Good”

He stood up from his cat and adjusted his coat sleeve before standing right in front of the man and slapped him across the face

“You’ve thirty minutes to gather anything you have before you’re fired. Have a day”

This time, you actually laughed after the man had quickly left the room

“ ‘Have a day’ really, Da-Mr., Han?” “Well, I didn’t want him to have a nice day”

You started laughing again while he looked slightly confused“Thank you, Mr. Han” “Thank you for bringing my Elizabeth and informing me of a corrupt employee” “I’m not sure if they were corru-“ “They harassed you. That’s enough” “Well, have a good day, Mr. Han”

He gave you a simply goodbye before you left and went back to your time

When you sat down for dinner, you tried to stifle your laughter at the memory of your father bitch slapping a security guard when he sat down across from you

“Is everything alright?” “Yes, just please let me know if you ever slap someone” “Sure thing?”

Look at me actually doing two requests in one day (even though they’re like a week late I’m sorry) I hope you enjoyed these, though. I hope you all have days!

[fureniku]

Life

So... I said previously that I wouldn’t blog here. I’m going to change that slightly.

I still have my private blog (Inbox me if you want the URL), but on here I’m going to post thoughts and stuff that are a little more public, but still not quite facebook-safe. Maybe these are more relatable for others as well, considering they’ll be more generic and conceptual instead of specific to my life. However; they may still have triggers for people - so be warned of that.

So tonight, 

Blog #1 - Life. 24th January 2018 Start time: 20:59

Life. For as long as we have been here, people have asked; what is the meaning of life? They ask this from sheer curiosity - why are we here, sentient meat-machines living on a little ball of dirt and water in an endless void. Is there a purpose? Were we created by some divine being, or maybe deposited by aliens... or maybe we’re just an accident of biology.

When they ask the meaning of life, they ask about life as a whole. All of humanity, and even extending to the animals, insects, plants - every last life form of the planet.

But what if we dial it back? What if we ask about it from a personal view; Why am I here specifically? as opposed to us as a collective?

When you really think about it, how many humans can say they truely enjoy life? Granted, not everyone is depressed, or suicidal... but are they really happy? Lets run through what life consists of.

First, you are conceived. Then you spend 9 months of nothingness just developing and growing until you’re eventually born as a baby- year zero. The first two years of your life most people don’t really remember - at most only tiny snippets and concepts as we learn how to human. From there we start to develop our memories and our personalities. Ages 3-4 are great, you just play with toys and don’t really have any problems. Life value is pretty high, for you.

Next up, school time! Most countries tend to start children at school around age 4 or 5 (We’re going to stick with developed countries for this run through). And, like those early years, it’s pretty easy. You’re learning social skills, you’re getting a very basic education that’s generally disguised as play and you’re making friends that may last for decades. Sometimes teachers might get annoyed because you did something wrong, and that can be stressful - you’re learning that negative emotions can be sourced from other people, as opposed to just dropping your new lego car.

In the UK, your first real standardized test (Year 2 SATs) comes at the age of about 6/7. For many kids that can start to bring on pressure to do well - even if only slight - a sort of prequel to the stress of work to come later. You’re barely 7 years old and already you have to start living to responsibilities. Most stuff is still easy so life value is still good, but not quite where it was.

The next few years of school get a little more challenging. You’re doing real education now, you’re starting to learn things about the world - how it works (basic physics and biology), what happened (history) and so on. You learn about these huge wars in which hundreds of thousands of people died, you learn about the vastness of the oceans containing immesurable amounts of life... you start to realise there’s more to this world than just the few square miles around your house and school. It leads up to (in the UK) your second major standardized test around age 10/11. This one has more pressure, it’s often used by your next school to group you so can have an important impact. Naturally the teachers are stressed, they want you to do well... but that rubs off on you, the student. You don’t quite understand why they’re worried yet as you don’t really know the concepts of bad performance affecting their career, but nonetheless you feel pressure to do well, to not upset them. Life value slips just another tiny bit down.

Now, we move to our new school. Most of the time it’s a much bigger school with lots more people. Social status instantly plays a huge role in everything - and this is where you will define yourself as a person for the next 10+ years and make decisions that will impact the rest of your life. No pressure, young one!

At the tender age of 14 you are asked to make a decision on what you want to study. Choose wrongly and you might not be able to persevere into the career you want to do... but what if you don’t know what career yet? What if you change your mind later? And while all this is going on you have the social side too. Maybe you’re being bullied because of some physical condition or abnormality that you have no control over. Maybe you’re confused because you’re a boy, but you really like that boy, or maybe you don’t actually feel like a boy deep inside. Maybe you have a mental health condition thats totally out of control, and you don’t know what to do about it. You’re still so young but the pressures are building. These early teens are when people will start asking that all-important question with a personal view; Why am I here? Why do I exist, if all I get from life is pain and stress?

But it’s ok. You know once you finish school, it’ll get better right? The bullies will go away, your teenage hormones will settle down, you’ll get that awesome job you want, buy a house and live happily ever after.

Back to the education. Age 16, you make a more fine-grained choice towards your career. Get this one wrong and you’re already a bit screwed, so I hope you know exactly what you want to do and how to get there! So you continue with your next stage of education, age 16-18. Often again in a new school, with new people and you’ve got all these thoughts swimminmg through your head, its like the last few years on steroids but no time for that now, gotta focus! But focusing is hard when your brain goes a mile a minute. Maybe you’re a lucky one and you do well, maybe you slip and fall here - do that, and your life will totally stall. Life value is really starting to drop now.

Finally! You’re 18! Off to college/university you go! But wait, now you have moved out. You live in student accomodation, and you just got a lump sum paid into your bank. That money is the most you’ve seen in your life, but its gotta last three months until the next one. But it’s fine, you can manage that! $10 here, $15 there, it’s nothing... until 2 months later it’s gone. If only you knew how to budget properly... but hey at least you know mitochondria is the power house of a cell, right? So you spend that last month living off instant ramen and scraping the mould off your toast, praying you don’t have any sudden costs come up.

You hold out hope though. A few more years and you’ll be done with uni! Then you can move out, get that awesome job and live life! It’s gonna be GREAT!

wrong.

You finish your education. You did OK, you passed and got your degree with average marks. You head back home to party for a month or so before starting to look for a job, and its such a fun period! No commitments, no worries, you can just have fun.

That time passes like nothing, and its time to get a job. You spot an ad for the perfect job for you, so you apply. You’ve got all the right qualifications and they’re even hiring fresh graduates; great, you’re basically in! But you aren’t. Because 20 other people are applying for this exact same position. One of the others gets it, but it happens. You apply for another, the same scenario with 19 other competitors, and it passes you again. By now, your bank is empty so you have to get a minimum wage role in your local store/restaurant/warehouse. It’s not ideal but at least now you can contribute rent to your parents for the house.

While this is all going on, you’re struggling to meet that special someone. You had a couple of bad tinder dates and now you’re a little sore of it, but you still try and talk to people who interest you... but it always fades to nothing.

Then at the same time, you see that older generation complaining about you. About how you’ve had everything handed to you, how lazy you are, why haven’t you moved out yet?!

So you start looking. You know you have two choices here and once again, it decides a lot. You can rent, or you can buy. If you rent, you’re paying that for life, and until you get that qualified job you want you’re gonna really struggle - certainly won’t get enough to be saving for a house deposit to move out later. It’s starting to dawn on you as well that that qualified job? it’s a pipe dream. It’s never gonna happen. The other option is to buy. You do the math, you budget everything and you can afford mortgage repayments on a 1-bed house over 25 years. Once those 25 years are up, regardless of anything you OWN that house - great! This is the logical route, with your current job it’ll be tight but you can make it work, and things will only pick up from there.

But the banks? They don’t care for your budget. They have a flat maximum rate they’ll give you, and its well under your budget... but that doesn’t matter. They’ll give you a loan of 45k if you have good credit, but when the cheapest house is twice that you know it’s not gonna happen.

And there you are, mid 20′s, shit job, living in a flat knowing you’ll be paying rent for the rest of your life, on your own while older generations tell you about how “lucky” you are. Life value? low as fuck.

But then you meet someone. Great! They move in with you. Your bills are a little better, so you can each afford occasional treats. You can do a hobby on the weekend sometimes (assuming your partner is into similar things or has their own hobby and is happy to be separate for them). Things are slightly better.

Now you’re 30, and it’s time to have/adopt a child. One way or another you’re now caring for a new life. You look down into those innocent infant eyes, and you reflect. You think back on how in just 15 years, this child will start to question things like you have been. They’re questioning why they exist, when this world isn’t all that fun to live in.

Plus, now you have a new commitment. At least the next 18 years of your life will be dedicated to this childs upbringing. You will make mistakes and feel bad for them, and you’ll have victories that make you happy. But now, you exist for your child. Your life is gone, everything is for them until they go to university themselves.

And they eventually do - but now you’re in your 50′s. You can’t do stuff that you used to enjoy quite as easily, your body doesn’t work as well as it used to, you get tired easier. You’re still working somewhere or other and you’re still making ends meet... but is it fun? Are you having fun?

20 years pass, you’re 70 now. You have retired from work, but even going to the bathroom is a little more effort now. You still do your hobbies but you have less energy for them, and you realise this is the end. You’ve got maybe 20 years or so left, but you’ve already peaked. Everything is downhill from here, things are gonna stop working, you’ll lose your independence and before you know it, you’re sat in a chair getting a sponge bath from an intern who couldn’t care less. And then, you find yourself on your death bed.

You have that time to reflect. Think back on your life, and you realise. Was it worth it? Why was I here? Did I make a difference? The answer is probably no.

You existed for your own sake, not anyone elses. Life is there to be enjoyed - so if you aren’t enjoying it, then whats the point of it at all? If all we do is be born, work, and then die, then what’s the point of being born to begin with?

But that was a pretty average runthrough. What if things happened differently? Maybe you got that great job. You were on triple the grocery store salary and the bank gave you a good mortgage. You could afford to care for yourself so you met a great partner, and you pay off your house with ease. Your children have a happier upbringing with more stimulation, meaning they pick up education better and are less stressed. You retire at 55, but your pension is great so you can afford things like big holidays and expensive hobbies. You are the living proof that life can be enjoyed. They say money can’t buy happiness - but you proved them wrong, because it drives away the negativity.

Of course, it goes the other way too. Maybe you’re born into a third world country, you grow up knowing only the pain of having not eaten yet this week... and while your first-world brethren are stressed about that SAT exam, you’re dying of some disease that they were vaccinated against. Then you really question why you were here, if life was so short and painful.

I guess this was all a little pessimistic, it just reflects my current mood, but more importantly it reflects the outlook I’ve always had on life. Why ARE we here? Is life really worth living? Do the pros really outweigh the cons?

What is the meaning of life, for me - the individual?

End time: 21:50 Word Count: 2,466

I’m adding suicide trigger warnings to the tags, becuase if someone feels that way this post could cause the wrong signals. I would never suggest that as a solution to anything but honestly, I understand the feeling too. If my blog has upset you in any way or you want to discuss it, my inbox is always open.

[medicinethatilove]

From Music to Medicine

So, after my first post, I want to give a bit of background about myself; like I said, I haven't come to medicine through a direct, simple, or even ‘normal’ route. I think by knowing someone’s journey before, you can better understand their motivations and where they are going now.

Before beginning medicine at university, I actually studied at another, but for music. Before and during college, I learned that I wholeheartedly loved music. I still do. I picked up a guitar in my teens and found something I could put everything into and be rewarded with real happiness and joy. Every day playing and rehearsing, it was never a chore. Rather, it was my reason for getting out of bed. I didn’t pursue music with an end goal or destination in mind, instead I did what I loved day-in day-out for its own sake, and found it took me to new places, led me to new acquaintances and friends, and yielded so many valuable experiences and just generally made me happy. Moreover, I now look back on this all and see it as having been incredibly impactful and educational on my path to medicine. I know I have developed many skills that I simply wouldn’t have now without having spent years in an entirely different field or industry, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have actually been ready to study medicine without having done it all. 

During college, I followed my instincts to study music, and really grew. By the end of my first year, I knew I wanted to take it further than A-levels or BTECs, so I applied to university to study music at a not-too-distant city, and was gained a place. I moved to my new home, excited and nervous, but hopeful, for what the future held for me. The first few weeks were great; making loads of new friends, all-night parties and soul-searching conversations (what else, if not that, is the university experience?), getting to grips with the course. By the end of the first term, and approaching Christmas however, I had realised how I felt about both the course and the university itself- I’d say they were underwhelming at best, and only if I’m being kind. It occurred to me that all I had learned during my time there I had taught myself, and I could have done so without taking on thousands upon thousands of pounds in debt. I resolved to finish the academic year, so I’d have at least something to take from it (on paper at least), and make my move from there. It would also give me the time I’d need to figure out what my future from there would be.

Leaving the uni after no more than 10 months was a difficult decision, but I knew in my heart that it was the right one. I moved back home, and began thinking about what my next steps should be. My thoughts weren’t truly on music, though; since before Christmas when I’d decided I needed to leave my university, I’d gradually become less and less sure about wanting to spend the rest of my life working on a career in music. My real loves were writing and performing- writing I could do by myself, and performing in a band, while thrilling and rewarding, felt unreliable for me to want to invest so much; you could spend years of your life working in a band, with no assurance of success, and even if you managed to get a band together that was successful enough to start touring and sustain itself financially, the money was unlikely to ever be that much. I wasn’t aiming to become a millionaire or whatever, but I knew I wanted to build a secure future. Besides that, any member of the band could quit in an instance, at any time. People’s hearts and minds can change overnight, and I refused to spend my life investing in something that couldn’t reward proportionally and as the effort merited. 

I started to accept that I wanted to do something that was equally rewarding and that brought people happiness, but also had assured opportunities to both grow and progress in skills, throughout an entire career. Put simply, I wanted to know that if I worked my ass off, I’d have something guaranteed to show for it.

Let me say here quick: it’s not my aim to shit on the music industry, or those who work in it; I still love music and the industry, and hold huge respect for those within it. I just made the decision for myself that I wasn’t willing to take the negative aspects of it. In other words, I didn’t love it enough to eat the shit sandwich (Elizabeth Gilbert’s perfect description of loving something enough to deal with all its downsides and problems). Life is hard no matter what you do, but I knew I had to find something to work for that I loved enough so that I could wake up every day still happy, and content that it was all worth it.

That doesn’t explain how I went from music to medicine though. You’re probably thinking ‘how? they’re so different, they’re not even remotely similar?!’, and you’re right. As a child at school though, I’d always been academic, and never really flourished with anything creative. If anything, it had been music that didn't align with my inclinations and abilities, so considering medicine actually made a lot more sense. I’d thought about it when I was young and going through school, but I’d had a unsettled childhood, and things had never really been peaceful and reliable at home- a direct result of mental illness plaguing a close family member. I was in and out of school frequently -more often out- and just getting to 16 years old, ‘finishing’ school, and finally becoming able to make my own choices without the threat of being forcibly removed from my family and  placed into foster care was enough of a milestone for me as I’d ever wanted. I’d pursued music after that because it was what I loved, and what I felt I was good at. Now, I rethought what my talents were and what I found myself doing and reading and thinking about when it wasn’t music, and often it was to do with the sciences. 

I’ve always been fascinated with the sciences. The power they hold to explain why things are the way they are in the world, rather than just how is what I enjoy. Perhaps it runs in the blood- the men in my family certainly have careers rooted in the sciences. So, knowing that I loved the sciences, and could see myself in a fitting career, what next? 

My girlfriend told me how she thought I was a gentle person, and that I had a very caring nature, which I felt was true, and suggested I try working as a carer. I’d never really considered it, especially because of its oft less-than-glamourous nature, but I knew she was onto something; a huge part of what I love about music is that it makes people happy, and can be a great source of joy in someone’s life, even therapeutic. It had been so for me, during my teens just getting through the harder times. The happiness music brought me, I could possibly bring to others, if I worked enough hard to care for them. Care work would also be an ideal opportunity to get to know the healthcare industry, too; if I couldn’t hack it as a carer, how on earth could I see myself as a doctor? 

The next 9 months working full time as a healthcare assistant at the nursing care home down my childhood street passed steadily, and I relished the challenges I faced every day. Once I’d become competent, I started wanting to learn more. I’d frequently pester the nurses about smaller details on the patients, beyond what a carer could need to know, and even be able to: what do the patient’s levels of potassium and calcium tell us? I started to get bored in the job, as I knew I wanted more, and, with a few nurses’ encouragement, trusted I was capable, too. 

However, jumping from a working as a carer with no traditional sciences qualifications at A level to studying medicine at university was not possible. I needed the bit in-between. I researched online and discovered what were essentially foundation courses for medicine. Knowing what most people do about medical students -being some of the academically strongest in the country-, I found it hard to believe I could stand to gain a place at a university for medicine without a flawless set of A levels in biology and chemistry etc., but it seemed apparent that some, even if not many, students had been successful. I felt inspired, if still very full of doubt, and knew I had to take a chance. If you always say that you can’t do something, then you absolutely never will. You have to take a chance to be successful, otherwise you will never get anywhere. I think a person’s greatest enemy and obstacle in life can at times be themselves. If they let them, that is.

So, I applied for a place. And was accepted. The next year was working hard to ensure I attained the highest grades possible for each module so that I stood a chance of at least getting an interview. I just about managed to- I got 1 sole interview at a university I had applied to. The university wasn’t my first choice, but it was all I got, and I knew I had to make it count- I couldn’t be sure I’d get another chance. I was approaching my mid-twenties too by this point, and I wanted to have more direction in my life. 

Somehow, I performed well enough at interview to be offered a conditional place, with grades not too steep to achieve. I was elated the day I got the offer, as I think most applicants for medicine are. The moment you get your first offer is probably one you remember for the rest of your life. I certainly think I’ll remember mine.

Eventually, I got my results back and got the confirmation: I was going to medical school. It took me months to actually believe it, I think. Didn’t really believe it until I was there, in the student halls, at my new university. But it was real. And now, here I am almost exactly a year later, enjoying my last week of summer before it all starts again. Surreal and strange how much life can change if you work hard, believe in yourself, have a little fortune, and probably most importantly, give what you want a chance to happen.

Again, let me just say this to any person reading this who is wanting to study medicine: you can do it. I didn't mention it before, but I left school at 16 without any qualifications. If I still managed to do it, then you can too. You have to work your ass off (and I don’t think that ever stops), you have to be capable enough, and you have to actually try, but it can happen. You don’t have to have the ‘perfect’ application in order to get a place. If anything, showing persistence and determination are what got me my place, I think. So a little struggle is necessary- how else are you going to show that you can stick it through the tough times? I’m just past my first year, and I can tell you it’s been the most demanding of my life yet. 

So, if you want it - and this isn’t applicable to just applying for medicine, it can be whatever you want to do-, then damn well go for it. You won’t get anything done or achieve your greatest hopes in life if you don’t make them happen. And they definitely won’t happen if you let everyone tell you that you can’t. I’m sure there are plenty of people in your life who will tell you that you can’t do what you want- there’s always someone who says you can’t do it. Seriously, Fuck them, with a capital F. Trying to keep this blog free of that kind of language, but I think ‘bad’ language is entirely appropriate at times. 

Anyway. It’s been a long post. If you’re still here, then thanks for sticking with it this far. Time to finish now, and there’s a good quote to sum it all up. I think it was Ned Vizzini who said it best, so I’ll let his words wrap this post up for me: 

“Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real”. 

[purplesurveys]

181

Do you have a signifigant other at the moment? Do you love him/her? For the billionth time, yes and yes. How many people do you live with? Are these people related to you? I live with four people and they are all my immediate family. I also live with one dog and he’s my favorite out of everybody. Have you ever considered anyone or anything too personal for your liking? I don’t get if you want to mean anyone who’s too open about themselves that it’s scary or like a song that’s too personal that it opens up wounds... Are you a confident person, or do you keep to yourself usually? It depends. There are situations in which I wouldn’t mind having the spotlight on me, but that’s only when I feel totally comfortable with the people. Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? Never and I wish I never have to? I’m terrified of anaesthesia and needles.

Are you listening to any music right now? What song is it? Nope, but my brain is playing Paramore’s Grudges for me. Where was the last place you vacationed to? Did you enjoy this time? I was in Vigan and I loved it loved it loved it. My appetite for museums was more than satisfied there. When was the last time you ate pizza? Where from? Was it good? We got Pizza Hut delivered this weekend. Always a good idea. Their mozzarella crust is to die for. Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? Eh sure I like Gabie’s face. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? I really dunno. When people ask I give them a shrug and tell them I don’t really care, which they respect and I’m grateful for that. The closest label to fit me would I guess be queer. Is there anyone you know who is utterly repulsive? Who is this person? My mom, most of the time. Are you related to any elected officials? What is their position? Yeah, the people on my maternal grandfather’s side hold several positions in our province. Not sure about the specifics. Do you have a certain standard you follow, when it comes to relationships? All of my prospects have always been super intelligent so I guess that’s one standard I unconsciously take note of. I know Mike is taking up molecular biology and biotechnology; and when she hadn’t migrated yet, Andi knew and said things kids our age wouldn’t and that’s what pulled me to her; and Gab is just simply the smartest person I know. Not so much academically like Mike but she’s a walking encyclopedia about everything else nonetheless. Who did you last hug? When did this hug take place? Where? Summer, and we were in Skywalk–which, for anyone from outside my university, is a spot in the college that serves as the home or base of our org. It’s called Skywalk since it’s a tunnel-like passage that links the first building to the second. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Gabie I think, but someone from the org might have done it more recently. I find either cute. Who was the last person close to you, that died? Did you cry? I wasn’t close to her as a friend but she was my sister in a sense that I went to high school with her, and my entire class is my family, so when she died it affected me deeply.. I did cry upon realizing that this was a person in my circle who was gone, and I cried listening to her sister talk about her at the wake. What was your favorite year of your life? Why is this your favorite? 2014. It was the most depression-free time I had. 16 year old me was so bubbly and cheerful, I miss her.   Is there anyone out there who can make you smile at any time? Hans. What is your favorite television show? Why do you watch this show? Not anything on TV nowadays but my heart will always belong to Breaking Bad. It’s one of the few storylines that I was able to latch on to until the very end. If you're in school, do you like this school you attend? Or do you not? I love it. No reason not to, it’s my dream university. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? I don’t think so. When my friends do something stupid I’m usually the first one to nope out and be the mom that tells them not to be too rowdy. Who is the one person out there who makes you feel very special? My girlfriend whenever she opens doors for me, puts her jackets over my shoulders, gives me the chicken skin, etc. Do people call you a low-life sometimes/always? Why do they call you that? That’s not a term we use around here. Do you want to tell anyone anything right now? Who is this person? I guess I want to tell Sofie I’m sorry that our friendship didn’t last the way we wanted it to. We made plans for the next few years and were each other’s confidante, so it was sad to have it fizzle out. Are you going to post this survey on MySpace after you're finished? Hah. What is the fourteenth word of the song you're currently listening to? Are there any foods out there you just can’t refrain from eating every week? Burgers. Do you like Mexican food? What’s your favorite meal under that genre of food? Sure. Any day is a good day for a burrito. Do you enjoy shopping? Who do you usually go shopping with anyways? I would if I had the money for it...I usually do the shopping myself or with my sister. When you see someone attractive, what's the first thing you look for? Well since I already found them attractive as implied by the question, I move over to see if they’re an asshole, or is one of the rich kids with elitist problems. Sadly that’s a reality especially in my uni–lots of attractive people, very few with depth. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Do you find this healthy? 1 or 2. I’d say it’s acceptable. How old were you when you lost your virginity? Who'd you lose it to anyways? I had just turned 18 and it was with my present girlfriend. Do you wash your own clothes? Or does someone else do that for you? My mom is in charge of laundry. Are you afraid of thunderstorms? What exactly makes you afraid of them? Not at all. I find myself calm around them. What color are the shutters on your house by the windows, if there are any? We don’t have those, just curtains. They’re all white, but in varying shades. When was the last time you attended church? What is the name of this church? Sunday because Catholic family yuck. I don’t even know what it’s called. Do you enjoy talking smack to those annoying telemarketers? Is it funny? First of all that’s mean. I just say I’m not interested or hang up completely. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? It’s weird–I know I don’t live a healthy lifestyle (don’t exercise, have a really dangerous diet of burgers and everything fried, etc.) but my body (both in and out) doesn’t reflect that and appears to be in top shape, so I’d say I’m in the middle. Mentally, not a chance that I’m healthy. Who was the last person you held hands with? Were they taller/shorter? Gab, slightly taller.