#like my sister in christ that is called adolescence

[realest-nilou-kinnie]

every single time i'm reading anything about him, fan fiction or not, and someone describes him as lazy, i can't help but blurt out loud to myself, "he's not lazy" and sort of roll my eyes. It's in his character bio in the game for crying out loud: he doesn't see the point in trying anymore because every time he has ever tried in his life, he has been shot down and shown that nothing he does will ever matter.

self-indulgent elaboration under the cut

also, i would argue that it's about as clear as can be that he is "rude" on purpose to push people away...because he knows he was born in a silver spoon in his mouth and thinks he doesn't deserve people being nice to him. of COURSE he is snarky and snappy when he gets the chance, he WANTS people to stay away from him. He does NOT, however, want them to talk behind his back, i dont think. We know it hurts him. He doesn't want them to whisper that he's dangerous and he could probably kill everyone within a 50 foot radius with his UM at a moment's notice. Which is true. I think he's afraid of that possibility (and I believe in the novel it's described as being a volatile spell that other second princes have been effectively cursed with, and that he could accidentally kill people around him. That's why he grew up overhearing the palace servants whispering about the spell as if it was already a known UM.)

I know we don't know how he got his scar yet, other than it being something he clearly doesn't want to remember, but I can't help but wonder how he first "got" his UM. It isn't one he developed like Azul did, for example. He was born with that being the UM he would one day manifest. I definitely have ideas about how he got his scar and how it could relate to the advent of a Unique Magic like his, but I DO NOT think he killed or seriously hurt someone. I think the King's Roar spell has been popping up in previous generations of the Sunset Savanah royal family in second-born sons, and the people know it can lay waste to everything around the user. Even the things the user didn't touch or mean to affect start to turn to sand, like the air. Idk i just think his magic hasn't killed someone but I think he and everyone around him knows it could. From past experience, if you will. So maybe he showed signs of it being his UM and people FREAKED out as if he killed someone. That can be really damaging for a kid.

With this in mind, how could it be any clearer that he is trying to push people away? Now, allow me to be a blatant Leona Kisser on main (joke intended, that's my sideblog @leona-kingscholar-kisser LOL), but....HE'S NOT EVEN DOING THAT GOOD OF A JOB OF PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY. BECAUSE HE ISN'T A NATURAL AT IT!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 I'm not saying he craves connection, yet, because i haven't seen his part in book 7, but he definitely is not just meanspirited. He doesn't enjoy pushing people away, he feels that he has no choice in order to not hurt others. Isn't that the most selfless thing of all?

Knowing how he was treated as a child during his formative years, I'd say every glimpse of kindness and generosity and selflessness and passion for life he shows is indicative of someone who is all of those things even more so than it would be for someone who had no adverse childhood experiences. To me, the fact that he is all these things even in the face of the agony he must feel looking in the mirror every day means he is an even better person than someone who only does the right thing to earn praise and be celebrated. Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching and all that.

I literally could write 50 paragraphs about him with MLA citations, but here is what i mainly wished to impress upon the part of twstblr whom i think are a wee bit confused about his characterization:

examples of Leona not being a massive sack of shit:

he pretends not to notice when Ruggie steals jewelry from him just about daily, but he doesn't outright give it to him because that would be too philanthropic for his image. He lets Ruggie think he's getting away with it. He doesn't want a "thank you" because he thinks he doesn't deserve it

he lets Ruggie bring his own laundry to be washed together with Leona's, while giving him his credit card to buy the nicest detergent and anything else he might want to buy at the Mystery Shop

the reason he doesn't wear his uniform jacket isn't because he just wants to break the dress code or make a statement, it's probably because he gave it to Ruggie. Hence why Ruggie's jacket is massive on him.

he skips his classes because he already knows everything they're teaching. he always shows up for tests, meaning he does keep track of when they are.

- personal note: he had all the NRC-level material drilled into him from a younger age than most as a prince. That level of focus on academics takes away time in your youth that you feel like your peers are spending having fun and having social lives. If i were him, going to classes where everyone around him got to learn something for the first time that he had been forced to memorize years ago would be really hard. It might be a reminder of how he had to grow up too soon. I personally relate a lot to being faced with the reality that every other student in your class didn't have the same amount of academic pressure put on them that you did and wanting to just curl up and cry at your desk. Being in classes where you already know everything or where other kids clearly have a lot less pressure on them can make you feel even more alone and hopeless and unloved than you already felt. it makes you grieve all the weeks and years of feeling like a workhorse instead of a child that you'll never get back. So i guess in that way I'm biased towards him and I completely support him skipping class :'3

he only got held back because of missed attendance. here are two important notes about that, in my opinion:

- firstly, he obviously doesn't want to go home. he also feels unenthusiastic about the 4th year internships even though he's going to take one in his home country and hopes to make some positive changes using his ideas. Still, he knows it will not come with the recognition and appreciation from his family he wants. Even if his ideas for oil mining fracking 🤮 bring great economic growth and can feed the children starving like Ruggie was, I doubt his older brother would see Leona for what he is or praise him as things stand now. hopefully that will come later in the story

- secondly, he wants to be held back and stay at NRC another year so his dorm can win the Spelldrive tournament against Diasomnia. He literally says that's the reason he is so desperate to for HIS TEAM (not him) to win that he puts himself in the position to be the bad guy and make the hard decisions he thinks he has to in Book 2! With the actual Spelldrive team, it's slightly different because Malleus isn't involved. It's interesting. In his Spelldrive Uniform home screen dialogues, he says winning is more important than doing your best... because he thinks his team wouldn't be happy with coming in second even knowing they did their best. I think he is blinded by self-hatred. I don't think what he seems to think is actually true. I think Epel and Jack and Ace and all the Savanaclaw members who bawled their eyes out when they thought he was turned into a Tsum are just happy to receive guidance from him. That makes him different from Azul or Kalim or Idia as housewardens, for example. They literally cry lollll. He knows all his Spelldrive players and they literally never shut the fuck up about how good of a coach he is and how attentive he is to their strengths and weaknesses. He doesn't even try to change them! He doesn't insult or belittle Epel when he wants to train to aim better, he literally just compliments how he is a great player in other ways and tells him not to change a thing. For no reason, bitch. He's such a fucking softie.

he buys us a drink in one of his chats, saying he "knows how to reward good service 😒". oh come on bro you're not fooling anyone, you probably weren't even thirsty anyway

he only went to Playful Land to keep an eye on the underclassmen because he's always like that. smfh

finally, if you pay close attention, he's really only rude to people who disrespect him first. OR to people who try to drag him into annoying shenanigans he doesn't want to be involved with. if someone did all that to me during a depressive episode i'd bite their head off, too -- which is every day because i have major clinical treatment-resistant depression and i feel like i know how he feels. i get where he's coming from :( and then they all STILL call him lazy. that is so fucking mean and hurtful. he is doing what he can. he's just sick. he is enough.

okay that's all i can think of right now i just really wanted to elaborate because AHHHHHHH. AAUUGHHHHH. EEEEEUEUUUUUUUUUUAUAG HE IS NOT LAZY AND HES NOT A DICK HE JUST HATES HIMSELF AND NONE OF IT IS HIS FAULT

and while i'm on the subject, Leona is actually NOT lazy or arrogant or selfish at all but some of yall are not ready for that conversation lol

[chlorinecake]

HELLO

Please PLEASE make a fic about the songs church- chase Atlantic!!

It's my latest obsession, next to enha ofc

leading you on | l.hs

♱ plot: from the shy boy you first met at church camp who your parents once adored to their biggest fuckboy nightmare, you and heeseung reconnect on an online platform where you became a popular streaming duo together, leading to some steamy (and eventually forbidden) connections between you two…

loser!streamer!heeseung x fem!streamer!reader

♱ contains: SLOW BURN, swearing, sneaking out, mentions of bulges (multiple times), oral and fingering (f. r.), slight corruption kink, y/n stripping in front of a large audience (on camera), unprotected sex + virginity loss, y/n deliberately disobeying her parents, angst-ish, ft. other kpop idols, roughly 7k words

a/n: this is my first time writing a one shot all about Heeseung so hopefully I did our favorite loser boy some justice in this fic... have fun reading!

Heeseung. He was always just so... flirty with you.

Not emotionally, that is, but physically.

Leaving lingering touches on your thigh during Bible study, whispering dangerously close to your ear in that bedroom voice of his, or texting you random pictures during the day with his bulge obvious in almost every single one.

Two little voices battled in the back of your mind whenever you were around him, one voice wanting him to take things further while the other found it strange how he did such things so shamelessly.

The boy's got sex written all over him, your friends would warn alongside your Christ-converted step-sister Giselle who'd had her fair share of 'guys like Heeseung' in the past.

But you didn't see him that way. Despite his flirty tendencies, you figured those were just attributes that made him who he is.

Who you've always loved him to be.

However, those Holy, Holy, God Almighty church days were long gone by now, being no more than a distant ninth grade memory to you and most of everyone else who attended back then.

Everyone except Lee Heeseung, who could never shake his adolescent infatuation with you... ____, the girl who accepted his flaws and eventually stole his heart.

You and Heeseung reconnected a few years later by chance, the same day of your one year anniversary on your streaming channel.

Initially, your content consisted of one-hour long broadcasts where you'd just talk with random strangers, hearing out their problems and giving righteous advice.

However, Heeseung became a recurrent visitor on your streams, coaxing you to speak on topics more interesting than whether its modest to wear glam makeup or if kissing should be saved for marriage.

Your channel amassed a whopping 20,000 new followers in the first month of Heesung partnering with you, and its part of what led him to becoming an anticipated guest to your growing fanbase.

A dynamic duo, some commenters would call you two... and much to your parents chagrin, at that.

Off camera, things were the same.

You and Heeseung had grown closer than ever, sacrificing sleep to text each other all night, doing fuck-all on your web streams for hours, and even considering meeting up in person for a broadcast after he shared with you that he still lived in the city.

But then... something changed.

Or more accurately, your overly controlling mother put her foot down.

|Messaging| 💬

Heeseung: So we're not allowed to hang out together this Friday ?

You: Not alone... and honestly, not on the streams anymore, either...

Heeseung: Don't tell me its bc ur shyyyy

You: Nope… pArEnTs ^^

You'd say your mom had it out to get Heeseung more than your dad ever did, resenting the mere mentioning of his name at weekly church gatherings.

"That daughter of yours has gained quite the audience on social media," one womann would say, "too bad she seems to be losing her Faith to that poor Heeseung boy..."

"Such a shame," another would agree, adding to the heat-bubbles boiling in your mother's blood-

"Our faith teaches forgiveness and kindness," you defended yourself, just as your mom gave you maybe her third lecture this week on why you should cut ties with him.

"It also advises caution and wisdom when it comes to who we allow into our social circles," she hummed back, taking a sip of her morning coffee, red lipstick staining the rim of the white mug, "I'd be no better than a fool to sit here and support this meaningless friendship between you and that... man."

You internally rolled your eyes at her words, thinking of something, anything to say in order to change the subject right now.

"Well, I have plans with some friends from church tonight, if you don't mind-"

"Will Heeseung be there?"

"What? No," you lied, and not for the first time, either.

It helped you to feel less guilt whenever you blamed it on the little voice in your head, "Just me and the girls," you clarified.

"Mhm," she smiled facetiously before continuing, "I'm afraid I still can't trust you to go, though... especially not after that little stunt you pulled online..."

Your hand halted at the kitchen countertop as her words settled in your mind, "What stunt?"

FLASHBACK

It all started with a picture.

A stupid picture you got dared to leak by an anonymous tipper who offered a $1,000 donation in exchange for a steamy photo of Heeseung.

Chelbear03: God, he looks so THICK

Chelsea, one of your viewers said in the streaming chat, practically moaning at the photo of Heeseung, biting her lip as if she could feel him inside her just by looking at the screen.

Chelbear03: PAINFUL 😩

pucca_princxss: Need a tissue for your drool, Sea-Sea? 🧻

Danielle, another fan joked.

Chelbear03: Okay, FIRST of all, I have drool coming from TWO holes rn- Secondly, I'd rather just have him lick it up 😔

Chelsea typed back, a nuance to her words that you couldn't tell was meant to be either comical or serious.

"Lick up what?" a curious voice asked from the screen.

That's when your hand flew to cover your mouth, eyes going wide at the sight of Heeseung coming back into frame after saying he'd be "afk for a bit while showering."

His hair was still a bit damp from what you could tell, a towel draped lazily around his neck as your eyes unfortunately fell to the lump hiding behind his pants.

Oh God-

"N-nothing! Uhm... it's not important," you chuckled dryly, only adding to the awkwardness everyone was starting to feel from behind their screens.

pucca_princxss: OOP speak of the papi-

Chelbear03: Please forgive me, Hee-man 🧎‍♀️ ... bc I am disrespectfully foaming at the mouth as we speak-

Chelbear03 has left the stream

A notification of Chelsea having left the stream popped up in the chat almost immediately after she sent that message.

"What was that all about?," Heeseung smirked with confusion, looking between both you and the server comments displayed on his screen for an answer that never came.

"Fine then, keep your secrets... its not like I can't just rewind the stream highlights anyway," he added, just as you felt frantic emotions overcome you.

"Heeseung, you really don't wanna do that, just let me explain-"

His jaw dropped, not necessarily in shock, but with intrigue, the raunchy photo of his semi-hard cock through his sweatpants being displayed on the screen, right before his glossy deer-like eyes.

The same picture he'd only ever sent to you.

"I guess this is my mini Drake moment then," Heeseung chuckled to himself, a heavy sigh escaping your lips at his fortunately chill reaction.

"I did it for 1k, Heeseung, I'm sorry," you whined, pulling your knees up in your chair before burying your face behind them.

"Don't be... everyone already knows I'm your slut at this point," he said in a deeper voice, making you freeze once again as your eyes shot up to view the screen, almost in denial that such words even left his mouth.

anonymous tipper: worst thousand $$$ I ever spent... how abt I multiply the price by two for a sexy picture of the lady ?

yxstar3ject: ooo, but i was thinking maybe a double feature instead ? would luvvv to see how she treats this little slut of hers 🤭

Heeseung snickered so loud, you almost felt it on your skin, watching his facial expressions change with each suspicious message that filled the chat box, throughly entertaining him

"Guys, cut it out before I end the stream," you giggled shyly, revealing your full face that looked a little less flustered than earlier, "Heeseung isn't my slut either, okay? Just a good friend, I swear..."

pucca_princxss: you two need to stream in the same room one day bc this long distance sexual tension thing is so not the vibe :|

"Maybe one day..." Heeseung's voice faded off as he turned off the lights in his room, getting ready for bed...

"Maybe~~," your mother repeated in a mocking tone at the memory of your "filthy fest" of a stream that day, disgust displayed all over her before she took the last sip of her coffee as if it'd soothe her.

"Hope that refreshed your memory sweetie, but either way, my answer's no. Not with that slut on the streets and especially not without my supervision..."

“If you’re referring to Heeseung with that vulgar comment, I’m sorry to correct you, but it’s not right to just bash him with words like that,” you went on, leaning your elbows over the counter.

“Please, any guy who sends raunchy dick pics, let alone to a girl he’s not even dating, is a slut, ____,” your step-sister Giselle voiced while walking into the kitchen, dressed in athletic wear as she filled up her water canteen with a lemon flavored electrolyte packet, “not to mention those other weird things he says about your relationship on the stream.”

Despite how much your family claimed to dislike Heeseung, they had no problem with bringing him up every five seconds in a conversation.

You glanced at her through a side eye, shaking your head at the fact that she was just eavesdropping on your conversation, “That was hardly a dick pic, and you should know that better than me, Jizz-elle,” you retorted, putting extra emphasis on the first syllable of her old nickname.

“Yeah, real mature, ____… you can slut shame me but not your little online boyfriend?”

“Ladies!,” your mother raised her voice slightly, pursing her lips at the tension built up between you two, “that’s enough of this discussion…”

You noticed the way your mother’s eyes lingered on your step sister for a moment, “And where do you think you’re going?”

“To the gym,” she answered shortly, walking past your mom and out of the kitchen with haste.

You scoffed out loud, “Not gonna interrogate her like you did to me?,” you said, laughing as if humored when it was really just a way to mask how irritated you were.

“No,” your mom said with a delayed reply, “Giselle is not my blood… I must take her word for what she says to avoid conflict with your step-father… you, on the other hand, will—”

“—abide by your rules… got it,” you finished for her, knowing better than to continue going back and forth with her in this matter.

You left the kitchen, going up to your room and plopping yourself on the bed, staring at the ceiling as you entered into a deep thinking space.

One in which you'd strategize on how to successfully sneak out of the house to hang out with Heeseung tonight.

|Messaging| 💬

You: So, you want me to meet you where again ?

Heeseung: Just take a hard right past the first stop sign from your place and a few steps past that one brown house (pls ignore my Dora ass instructions rn 🗿)

You: ok ok 😭, smart tho !! … that way, none of my neighbors will see your car :D

Heeseung: Exactly. U sure u still wanna do this, tho ?

You: Yeah, ofc ! Had enough of my mom nagging me all day ☝️ I need a release BIG time

Heeseung: Haha, okay then ! I’ll see you at 10:30pm

You: Cya ! 🐒

THE LAST TIME you and Heeseung met in person was back when you were both young teenagers, navigating hormones and puberty while aiming to keep God at the center of it all, so to speak.

You didn’t know what to expect from meeting up with him, and especially not under such circumstances.

Still, you had a pretty good feeling that all this trouble wouldn’t be for nothing.

It was currently 10:34pm as you turned off all the lights in your bedroom, wearing an all black outfit to ensure you weren’t seen.

You double checked to see if you had everything with you before leaving: phone, spare cash, and a well-rehearsed story in case you got caught.

Opening your bedroom window, you stuck out a leg, suddenly feeling thankful for your step-dad giving you the bedroom on the first story of his home.

Both your feet were on the floor now, your hands finding the window sill as you closed the window back, careful not to accidentally lock it back so you would be able to get back in later.

You then followed the instructions Heeseung outlined in your texts, walking a few blocks down and taking a right turn once you reached the stop sign.

That’s when you caught sight of his dimly lit side profile under the lights of his car and through the tinted windows.

His eyes were on his phone until your figure blocked the streetlight that shined in his car, drawing his attention to your face as a smile spread over his own.

His eyes lit up like you were the candle to his soul, stepping out of the sleek black car to come around and give you a hug.

“Oh- hi,” you chuckled shyly, hands hesitating to wrap around him before he pulled away, looking you up and down while bracing your shoulders.

“Hi,” he smiled back, “I was just about to text you when you showed up at my window… nice black fit, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you said in a playful voice, watching as he opened the car door for you to get in.

“Would it be wrong of me to assume your panties match, too?,” he asked teasingly, joining you in the vehicle before pulling out of his parked position and cruising out of the neighborhood.

“Wow, you’re really representing this slut persona of yours, huh?” You teased back, putting on your seatbelt.

“Mostly because I can’t help it,” he shrugged, flashing you a smile before looking back at the road, “the fans ship us anyway, so we might as well commit to it, right?”

“Righttt,” you answered suspiciously, poking his thigh before looking back out the window, “gosh, this is crazy…”

“What is?”

“How long we’ve known each other and still happened to maintain a solid friendship despite the distance.”

“Yea,” he agreed, turning down a lane decorated with flowers that somehow still shined in the dark of the night, “We’d be fools to give up this bond we share, though… fools not to explore it further.”

He pulled into his driveway a few minutes later, showing you around his place before leading you to his bedroom, a familiar sight to you thanks to the streams.

“Oh- you’ve still got your monitors and mic set up?,” you asked curiously, noticing how the screen of his computer was on the streaming website.

“You remember what Danielle said on our last live? About us broadcasting in the same room together sometime…” he started shyly, pushing out another gaming chair for you to sit in.

“You really think it’s a good idea to stream right now?,” you rationalized, watching as he joined you in the nearby seat, “I mean, I’m obviously down for it, but what if my mom sees it again? Or Gisel—”

“I’ve already blocked your mom's account, ____, we should be fine,” he smiled, “and… if not… I’ll exchange another photo with your anonymous tipper for some forgiveness cash,” he shrugged, pouty lips making you melt a little inside. "Deal?"

You always knew that Heeseung was cute, but you didn’t think it was possible for him to get any better looking from behind the screen.

“Okay then,” you agreed with a sigh, hoping that your nerves would calm down once the broadcast started.

Almost instantly, 100 viewers joined when Heeseung pressed the “stream” button.

You both began with greeting everyone, trying to get past the chat’s excitement about finally getting to see you two in the same room together.

yxstar3ject: OMFG YALL ACTUALLY DID IT ❗️ this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for 🤧

Chelbear03: holy fucking fuck, how is she so CALM NEXT TO HIM 😩

mrloverl0ver: everyone in favor of them playing truth or strip for us, spam the chat with W’s

pucca_princxss: hoon, you raging perv- WWWWWWWWWW XD

Chelbear03: ✨ W ✨

laylaspapi: W no homo wait, why's my name pink now ;-;

yxstar3ject: I took orange the other day ~ sawwy Jakey W <3

You watched as the chat box started to flood with W's and other random comments, feeling Heeseung sat a hand on your thigh as if to make you feel more comfortable.

"Alright peeps, chill out with the chat spamming, we see it," Heeseung said, laughing off some of the tension, "It's not like you guys didn't get a free show the other day, anyways," he added.

"I don't know..." you started, voice and logic trailing off as more letter W's filled the screen, "it might be fun?"

"____," Heeseung said more seriously this time, "it's a pointless game, y'know? We're honest with the fans... they already know most of secrets, so its silly to do truth or strip..."

"Great. That'll only make it more challenging for them to get our clothes off then," you smiled, suddenly feeling excited about playing, a bit of your competitiveness rubbing off on the initially cautious boy.

"Fine then... we'll do it," Heeseund said, eliciting a few viewers to send gifts to your broadcast, "I'm gonna need a drink for this first, though."

Heeseung was doing a good job of making it seem like he wasn't totally down for this, even though on the inside, he was mostly concerned with making sure you felt comfortable, too.

He left the room for a moment before coming back with two canned cocktails in his grip, placing them on his desk in front of you two.

"I'm guessing you don't drink much," he said, popping open a can of sugary fizz with his teeth while making eye contact with you, "so take it slow with this, yeah?"

"Sure, dad," you joked, taking a sip from the can, hoping that the alcohol would maintain your fleeting confidence, considering that you'd just agreed to strip in front of hundreds of people online.

Chelbear03: alr, first question heheh, starting easy !! :))) when was the last time you got upset and why

Chelsea was the first to initiate this little "truth or strip" questionnaire. Heeseung read the question out loud before humming to himself in thought.

“Hmm... maybe when I overcooked my ramen this morning?”

"Who eats ramen for breakfast?" You asked with a dry laugh.

"Don't judge me because I have good taste, ____," he replied, shoving your thigh with his knee a bit, "and you're dodging the question..."

"Oh- right," you chuckled shyly, thinking of what to say and whether to be honest, until you remembered the consequence would be to remove a piece of clothing.

“It was um... over some stupid things my stepsister was saying about a friend of mine… also this morning...”

"Does that friend so happen to be me by any chance?," Heeseung asked knowingly, giving you a look that you quickly brushed off.

"Moving on, next question!"

anonymous tipper: name the last person you hooked up with $100 donation on the line here, btw... plus someone's modesty 🙈

Oh God, you thought to yourself, dreading how this anonymous tipper knew you'd do almost anything for money.

It was really a bad trait of yours...

"Wow, just jumping to the extremes, aren't we?," Heeseung mumbled between a sip of his drink, the wet condensation drawing your attention to his glistening digits for a quick second.

How were you just now noticing how thick his fingers ar-

laylaspapi: uh oh someone looks nervous ...

pucca_princxss: mission accomplished 👹👹👹

In all honesty, you didn't really have an answer to that question, but to avoid coming off as prudish, you opted to take a pair of clothing off instead, lifting your hips in your seat to pull your pants down.

"____, what the-" Heeseung started before choking a bit on his drink, not just at your sudden boldness, but at the sight of your lace panties hugging the natural curves of your hips, pants getting bunched up at your ankles before you kicked them off under his desk.

yxstar3ject: 😭😭😭😭 DEFINITELY wasn't expecting that, oml-

Chelbear03: your turn, hee 🙏🙏🙏

Something about how frazzled your usually calm and collected best friend became at the simple act of you undressing before him gave you a feeling of exhilaration.

By now, your top barely covered the flesh of your thighs, a few commenters saying things about "wanting to take a bite" before Heeseung cleared his throat, hoping that they'd stop making things worse for him.

"Well uh, I'm not willing to strip a layer just yet, plus I could use the $100, so I'll be honest..."

The chat stalled momentarily as if everyone watching paused in eager anticipation of who and what Heeseung was going to say.

"It's been a while, I'll admit," he chuckled dryly, staring off as if envisioning it behind his sparkly eyes, "but it was around a year and a half ago... with a girl I'd rather not name, but she was a bit older than me..."

"Oh?," you accidentally said out loud, a strange feeling of happiness washing over you now that you knew he hadn't been with any girl since you two met reconnected. You're not sure why this information made you happy... or maybe you're just not ready to admit how you truly feel about him to yourself yet...

"How'd you two meet? Wait- why am I even asking that," you cringed at your own inevitable curiosity, Heeseung taking delight in how his timidness somehow rubbed back off onto you.

"Nah, it's okay... I'm sure the viewers wouldn't mind a little storytime-"

He adjusted his posture in the chair, eyes scanning a few new comments before he spoke, "I met her during my bad boy stage, I guess you could say... we bonded over the fact that we were both born in October until we eventually started smoking together at a friends house of mine every now and then... she and I were both going through some divorce drama with our parents and uh... we thought fucking would be a good emotional outlet? I don't know, maybe it was more of a distraction, I guess..."

Heeseung didn't expect himself to ramble the way he did, but he wanted you to know the main details, even though he left out a few parts for another time and conversation.

Chelbear03: what would it take for me to be that girl ? just for one night 😔

maindancertypeshit: pretty sure Hee just confirmed he's into older girls, Chels ... and ones with daddy issues at that-

You nearly snorted at the sudden comment, up until you realized who the last one came from.

"Excuse me, but what the hell is a toddler doing on this stream?" Heeseung asked sarcastically, obviously referring to Niki.

pucca_princxss: LMAO, looking for his mommy ofc 🤱 (😏)

maindancertypeshit: ayo, wtf??? so dani's allowed but I'm not?? hmph >:{

maindancertypeshit has left the stream

You sighed while laughing slightly, taking a sip of the drink as water droplets now dripped unto your thighs, Heeseung's eyes doing a terrible job of not staring.

"I say we do one more round before ending the stream," you offered, looking at the time as you knew you'd wanna spend more private time with Heeseung before having to run back home.

yxstar3ject: BOOOOOOOO :(

Chelbear03: im too pressed abt riki rn to give a damn bro did NAWT have to dish me the truth like that 😭😭

mrloverl0ver: ok ok, let's make this last question worth it then hmmm ...

Sunghoon typed in thought, just as the bulb in Heeseungs side lamp suddenly shattered, the loss of light coupled with it's piercing sound making you jolt in your seat, half of your canned cocktail spilling on your shirt and chest.

"Shit," Heeseung swore under his breath, happy that none of your drink or any glass from the lightbulb got on his streaming equipment.

That's when he noticed you shivering a bit, the cold liquid contrastingly with the warmth of your body.

"C-can you grab me a towel please?," you asked softly, Heeseung taking the can from your grasp and leaving the room with haste to grab a damp and dry cloth for you.

"Here," he offered when he came back, hooking his hands at the hem of your top and pulling it over your head in one swift movement, making you gasp out loud.

You were now half-naked in front of your best friend, not to mention the tons of people watching from their digital screens.

"Heeseung, what're you-"

He was now taking off his own shirt, holding it in one hand while he wiped your chest down with the cloths he held in the other.

There was something about the way his eyes looked while wiping down your boobs, coming off as romantic despite the awkward nature of the situation.

"Put this on," he whispered so quietly you almost missed it, snaking your head through the head hole of his T-shirt while he flicked the ceiling light on, your mind running in a hundred different directions in this moment.

You're not sure if it had something to do with the alcohol, but your skin still tingled in the spots where his fingertips grazed your flesh... just like old times...

You don't think you ever put on a T-shirt faster in your life, wanting to cover up as fast as you could despite how everyone had already gotten a free show from the both of you.

laylaspapi: B👀BS ?!?!? caught in 4k? just like that !?!??!????

mrloverl0ver: guess that means the games over now since y'all started stripping regardless ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

pucca_princxss: I think Heeseung's house might b haunted :'0

Chelbear03: HEESEUNGS FUCKING ABS RN- IS HE TRYING TO KILL ME !??!?

yxstar3ject: 👁👄👁

The chat was going crazy at this point, their flood of comments honestly being the last thing on your mind as you sat bottomless in Heeseung's gaming chair, wearing his T-shirt as he searched for another shirt somewhere behind you.

A billion emotions were coursing through your veins, still trying to grasp how you went from sneaking out your bedroom window, stripping in front of an audience, and getting flustered from the mere presence of Heeseung now.

"Alright guys, this was fun but we're gonna call it a night for now," Heeseung said as he came back into frame, not even bothering to sit back down as his right hand found the mouse, moving it towards the end stream button.

"Yeah, I think my streaming career might end here," you added jokingly, making Heeseung chuckle a bit at your words, his bright smile doing nothing but make your stomach flutter all over again.

What was going on with you?

"Who knows? Maybe we can work on starting an OnlyFans together ..."

"Heeseung-"

"I'm kidding," he laughed again, looking at your face from the screen, not even aware of how he bit his lip before speaking, "you look pretty on camera though, for what its worth."

The all-too familiar tune of the livestream ending rang in your ears, the screen displaying stats of the broadcast engagement, which surpassed any and every stream you've ever filmed before.

"Wow," Heeseung marveled, just as he shut his computer off.

"I know," you added, stretching your back while sitting, "we don't even reach stats like that in a week..."

"I wasn't talking about the ratings, ____," he returned, the room seeming much more quiet now that the computer was off, even though it's been this way the whole time.

"Enough about that, though," he started again, taking your hands in his to pull you out of the chair, "I haven't been a very good host to you this evening... making you work first thing before properly treating you... allow me to make up my lacking..."

"I mean... you gave me a nice seat and something to drink... you even lended me one of your shirts after I made a big mess of myself," you replied while giggling, feeling silly as he held both of your hands while speaking formally all of a sudden.

"Yes, yes, but I'm serious," he continued, now guiding you down to the rug lying in the middle of his bedroom floor, "you still like candy, right?"

ALMOST ANOTHER HOUR had passed and it was somewhere around midnight give or take, you and Heeseung hardly feeling tired as you sat on the mat together, alternating between eating orange slices and gummy bears.

You were propped up on your elbows, a glow still present on his face from the laughter you've shared together so far, even though there was something less innocent you wanted to get off your chest.

You were feeling completely reckless already, and you figured it wouldn’t hurt for you to push things a little further.

Besides, it’s not everyday that a girl like you gets an opportunity like this just placed in her lap.

It's just like Heeseung said, you'd be a fool to give up this bond you two share and not explore it further...

Plus, you weren't sure how much longer you could hide behind the good girl act.

Giselle was right: Heeseung had sex written in full length parables all up and down his six-foot-something body, and you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on.... if you said it didn't reel you in, like a burning desire to explore what's corrupted.

To be ruined.

"Heeseung," you started, making him look down at you as he sat with his legs crossed, hair messy from the amount of times he ran a hand through it, "can I ask you something?... It's... kinda personal..."

He popped another strawberry flavored gummy bear into his mouth, "As long as it isn't about your period, I should be good to help you then," he chuckled slightly.

"And what makes you think that I need help with something?"

"Hmm… maybe just that way that your nails keep picking with my wrist watch right now," he answered quietly, drawing your attention to your fingers which tend to get busy whenever you were nervous.

"Oh- I... I didn't even realize...," you laughed at yourself, shying your hands away before sitting up and hiding them in your lap.

"Well go on," he urged, looking back at you with warmth in his eyes, taking off his glasses and setting them aside, "What'd you wanna ask me?"

You let out a breath, clenching your thighs a bit as your sight fell between his legs.

Fuck, did he just laugh? God, he definitely noticed your peeking... you fucking perver-

"I don't really know how to word this but..." you chewed on your lip in thought, "Sometimes... when it's just you and me alone like this... even when we're just video chatting... I feel," you looked up at the ceiling as if it'd help you divulge, "I don't really know what to call it."

He blinked at your words, adjusting his sitting position on the ground, "Are there certain things I do or say that make you feel... whatever it is that you can't explain?" He asked, tilting his head at you, just as his hand inched closer to you on the rug, but not quite touching your skin yet.

"Its a few things, actually-"

"Like what?" His hand was now on your thigh, eyes glued on your shaky figure even though you avoided eye contact, lost in the veins that trailed the pretty skin of his arm.

"When you touch me," you whispered so quietly, the only reason he heard you was because he read your lips, thinking in his own mind what it'd be like to taste them, "like that."

"Speak up for me, I can hardly hear you," he urged, almost as if cooing at you.

"I can't," you said shakily, chest expanding slightly with each heavy breath you took in and let out.

Your idea of being bold was starting to backfire... if only you could stop being so awkward about this for one second-

"It's just me, ____," he whispered with a slight chuckle this time, your hands finding the fluffy rug beneath you as your skin still stung from where he'd last touched you, "be as honest with me as you need."

"Maybe it's best we just pretend I never said anything," your voice trailed off, regretting having looked into his dark eyes that stared back at yours because you felt as though your shield had faltered, his energy coaxing your mind to wander.

"Would you mind if I took a guess?," Heeseung offered with an expression you couldn't read, but you nodded anyway, just as his hand traveled further up your thigh, your breath hitching in your chest as you felt his finger tips meet your core.

"You feel something in here, don't you?," he whispered again, "Hurts, doesn't it?"

Like hunger pains, you answered in your head, finding his shoulder as half of you thought to push him away while the other half just needed to touch him.

You nodded shyly in response, thankful that he didn't move any further so you could catch your breath, already too effected by his actions.

"I feel it sometimes, too. The aching... but I'm sure you're old enough to know there's only one way to get rid of it."

You didn't even have to ask to know what he was implying, feeling tempted to give in to whatever this urge was.

He was right though. It did ache, and so badly, your own core tearing up with a need you never intended to entertain.

That's when his touch creeped closer to your core, your thighs closing around his hand as you struggled to think clearly.

You almost couldn't in a state like this.

It baffled you how the energy was starting to change, but it was only a matter of time that you'd be able to sit bottom less in front of Heeseung looking the way he does before something sexual would happen.

"Are you willing to let me help you?" He asked, gripping your flesh between his hands as a shy sound fell from your lips.

You were having second thoughts.

"As much as I'd like to, Hee, it just doesn't seem right anymore..."

Even though this was all your idea to begin with-

"But doesn't it feel right?" he pressed, feeling his hands gently pry your thighs back open, but its not like you were putting up much of a fight either, "Besides, you wouldn't have told me if you didn't want me to do something about it..."

In this moment, you couldn't care less about maintaining that fleeting sense of virtue all the elders in your life harped on growing up.

You were simply young, horny, lovesick, and in need of a release.

Before you knew it, your legs were parted for him, your back against the rug as his head got comfortable at your heat, fingers barely grazing over your now bare cunt before he started leaving plush kisses against your sweet spot.

The ache was definitely still there, but having him this close to you made it feel better.

Almost too good, honestly…

“Heeseung-” you cried out, clamming your thighs around his head as you felt his thick and warm tongue enter you.

Hooking his hands at your knees, it helped to open you back up for him, feeling your stomach tighten as he continued to lick you down.

“I’m still here, baby…” he cooed, looking back up at you, just as your phone started to ding, "relax for me, alright?"

It was a few random messages here and there, you being too pleasure-drunk to give a damn as he continued lapping at your slick, alternating between one and two fingers as he teased your hole, only making you want more.

“Fuck…s- someone’s calling me,” you whined, propping up on your elbows with tired eyes as you reached for your phone, seeing none other than Giselle's contact number as Heeseung left your core, getting on his knees and unbuckling his belt.

"What're you-"

Your words were cut off as he leaned closer into you, his bulge resting in between your folds as he looked into your eyes and said, "Answer it."

He was already rocking against your pussy as you struggled to stay focused, his boxers being covered in your slick just from how wet you'd gotten, even though you nodded no.

“You want me to help you, don’t you?” He continued, completely aware of your stalling and hesitance as the phone continued to ring, your breathing only getting heavier as he kept grinding against you.

You bit your lip, clenching around nothing as his fingers cascaded over your sensitive spot. Heeseung practically drooled at the sight, your tight little cunt all slick and messy for him.

"Hello?" Giselle asked over the phone, "where the hell are you right now?"

Fuck.

You watched nervously as Heeseung pulled his boxers past his hips, his thickness springing up now that it was finally free to breathe.

"What're you talking about, I was just in my room," you lied terribly, watching Heeseung with pleading eyes as he lined himself up with your entrance, bracing a hand on you lower abdomen while glaring back at you, a glint of playfulness in his doe eyes.

Oh, the way you wanted to smack him across his pretty face right now-

"I wasn't born yesterday, ____. I checked your room an hour ago and you're still not here. Tell me where you are," she continued, voice cracking a bit as you winced through a bitten lip, thanks to Heeseung somehow having slid his thickness inside you.

Well, most of the way, at least...

"____?"

"Y-yes, I'm listening, just- don't worry about me, I'll be back in a bit-"

"That still doesn't answer my question, ____..."

Thud.

You accidentally dropped your phone beside your head once Heeseung pushed all the way in now, leaving a few kisses along your neck to help you calm down.

His hips were still, but for some reason, your breathing remained shaky beneath him, your step-sister still awaiting your reply on the other side of the phone.

"Call you later," you said in a squeaky voice, reaching over to hang up the phone as Heeseung started to move again, your legs trembling a bit as the nerves in your mind traveled through your whole body.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked sarcastically, hand following a trail from your waist, over your boob, then to your neck, goosebumps sprouting on your skin as you suddenly felt cold, your body internally shivering.

"Hee," you said with a whimper, feeling his grip loosen around your neck before he started thrusting into your walls, your slick providing just enough lubrication for him to slide in and out easily.

You couldn't even think in your mind at this point, his actions already becoming more than you could handle given how new everything was.

How nice he felt.

"C'mon, don't get quiet on me now, baby, I just started," he teased, slamming his pelvis against yours to hopefully reel a moan out of you, which obviously worked, your hand flying up to grip the fluffy rug over your head as it became harder to hide your sounds.

He hissed at the feeling of you clenching around him, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he looked into your eyes.

"So either you like it when I'm rough with you or when I call you baby..." he started in a low voice, "which is it?"

"M-maybe both... now can you stop trying to turn me on with your words for one fucking second?," you asked with labored breaths, feeling your orgasm creep up on you a lot sooner than anticipated.

Sure, this was your first time, but you were glad he didn't treat you like a baby during the whole thing.

There was just something about the way his voice sounded in this moment, the way he was rutting into you like a horny teenager that took you over the edge.

And he was being such a tease, trying to make you talk knowing that your sentences would be broken and whiney thanks to how rough he was going.

He wanted to hear you falling apart underneath him.

He let out the most attractive chuckle you'd ever heard at your words, "But I can tell it's working," he smirked, bracing himself against the floor so you could wrap your legs around him better, "now quit your complaining and keep taking me like a good girl, alright?"

You're sure your clit started doing backflips at the pet-name, coupled with the pretty sounds he was very intentionally humming beneath your ear.

He found your wrists on the rug, sliding up to your hands and interlacing his fingers with yours,

“Stop trying to act tough, I can tell this is all new to you…. don’t even know what to do with your hands, huh?” his said, watching as your eyes get lost in the view of his shaggy hair.

He snickered, “you can touch it if you want…”

Fuck, you thought to yourself. You don’t know why you felt the need to put on some act for him… maybe it was because you assumed a competition between yourself and other girls he’s been with, even though in reality, you’d been the only girl on his mind for a while now.

“I…,” you started with a stutter, “I can’t.”

Your fingers were still interlaced with his, but your inability to touch him had less to do with the fact that he had you pinned down, and more so to do with your nerves.

As badly as he wanted to keep toying with your head in this moment, he could you were getting closer from how your breath kept hitching, so he didn’t have much time to play.

Releasing his grip from your hands, he brought a thumb to your chin, tapping at it for you to open your mouth, “I’m gonna speed up now then, okay?”

He choked out, his own head becoming a little fuzzy as you parted your lips obediently for him, the sight of your tongue laving at his fingers being enough to make him feel like cumming.

He knew you had to get home quick now, but he still wanted to give you the best orgasm of your life.

Once he collected enough of your spit on his fingers, he slid his hand down, circling your swollen bud while looking into your eyes, your hands automatically flying to his shoulders to brace yourself.

“Fuck, Heeseung~,” you cursed with furrowed brows, whimpers that almost sounded like high pitched hiccups falling from your lips as you felt your hips chase his.

There was so much energy coursing through both of your bodies that it could charge your dying phone on the floor right now.

“It’s okay baby, you’re almost- shit, you’re almost there,” he grunted weakly as he continued fucking into your walls with his fingers at your clit, his own eyes closing at how good your tightness felt around him.

You never heard yourself sound like this before, getting all whiny just as he whispered the words “Come for me” against your neck, sealing the space with a kiss and retreating his hand from your core, holding you in place as your orgasm hit like a flood.

You were squirming so much, walls pulsating like a drum as he kissed you down, your hands finally being brave enough to grip at his hair while he rode out your high.

You could tell that he didn’t finish inside you, but he was nice enough to slow down and not fuck you completely stupid.

“I can’t even believe we just did that,” you mumbled mindlessly, eyes staring back at him as he started to gently caressed your cheek.

“Wasn’t too bad for a quickie though, right?,” he asked jokingly while still inside you, not quite yet ready to pull out of your comforting warmth.

To say goodbye to the you he brought out in this sex-filled space.

“No… it wasn’t bad at all,” you smiled back, words sounding somewhere in between a shocking realization and sincere compliment.

“Then I guess that means we can look forward to doing this more often-”

“Heeseung-”

“Kidding,” he whispered softly, meeting your lips in one last kiss before leaning back up to adjust his pants, “now let’s get you cleaned up and ready for home before your mom has me crucified.”

“Okay,” you said while laughing slightly until he pulled out of you, your legs trembling a bit from the missing fullness.

From the feeling in his chest, Heeseung came to fully accept that he was 110% in love with you, not giving a flying fuck about the naysayers who’d disapprove of your now-even-more-complicated friendship.

You on the other hand, came to realize that Heeseung was worth much more than being judged by a bunch of hypocrites, and that you now had the courage to make a lot of your own decisions now, even if they’re solely for the sake of pleasure.

”Still,” you continued, watching as he stood up from the ground to grab a pack of wipes from his desk, “I just remembered that I locked my bedroom window when I left.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” He asked while parting your legs, wiping your sweaty thighs down with your panties hunched up in his other hand.

You admired the view of him cleaning you up with adoration flooding your heart, your limbs letting themselves relax as feathery words fell from your lips, “It means I might have to spend the night at your place for a little longer…”

Fin…

♱ Thank you beyond words to everyone reading this right now! I teased the release of this fic a while ago but ended up changing almost everything that I’d originally written because it was kinda shitty 🥴 but hopefully you all enjoyed this fic anyway! Also, masterlist is here !!

♱ tag list: @fakeuwus @adeoluhh @zerasari @anonant @yaatrickyaaa @depressedandobsessed666 @woninluv @moonshoon @imjakes-wifeofc1 @heesbee @kaykay11sworld @wannieepisod @ilikekpop-c @heesoo11 @idkdykilr @seungjiseyo @nctislifue @ro-diaries @heesushiii @jakehooni @babygirlmarshmellow @jaysdze @princeseung @flowerbe0m @skzenhalove @rayofsunshineeee @wonsbaer @namdeyuoi @tasnim10 @cheruluv @squoxle @nikisvanillaccola @wonbinisbabygurl @addictedtohobi @yourmomscuntis2tighy @ashgonedash

[hclfbaked]

( brigette lundy-paine , non-binary , they/them ) las vegas may be packed with people, but jess hinkley has been on my mind. originally hailing from las vegas, the twenty six year old has been in vegas for their entire life. i know they’re a hiking trail guide , but there’s a rumor on the strip saying they’re also a werewolf. after some thought that makes sense , they can be + big-hearted , but also - half-baked. ask any local they’ll say they remind them of adrenaline-filled nights on carnival rides, whooping and hollering at old friends across the street, smoke leaking out from between lips as they laugh under neon lights, crooked smiles leaning out of the passenger’s side window, & dancing with strangers on their way home.

hi - diddly - ho , neighborinos ! your friendly neighborhood maeby ( 27, they / she, mst ) coming in hot and so stoked to be here ♡ i’m bringing my favorite little goofball,  jess ! so without further ado…

▻  STATS

preferred name: jess hinkley nicknames: yes, jessie, the hinks languages known: english, asl, conversational spanish birthday: april 1st, 1997 hometown: las vegas, nevada, usa zodiac: aries sun, sagittarius moon, leo rising interests: nature hikes, fun dip, buzzfeed quizzes, roadtrips, wailing on drums, air hockey tournaments, sweet & salty snack combinations, talking heads, john hughes-esque ‘80s movies, having to be introduced to current music after listening to 80s-90s their entire life tldr; permanent class clown and former athlete almost makes it big, hits rock bottom (cough, is attacked and turned by a werewolf, cough), then devotes the rest of their life to the beauty of normal things and the importance of living in the moment. mostly just smokes weed, hikes, and goofs off. again, is a werewolf. pinterest: peruse here ! playlist: listen here !

▻  ABOUT

tw: parental death, werewolf attack, injuries

jess was born and raised right here in las vegas; their late mother’s hometown. you see, their parents met in kansas city, missouri where jess’s father (guy) was apprenticing under a rbbq pitmaster at the restaurant jess’s mother (robin) waited tables at during college. when they fell in love and got married, they moved back to las vegas to be near robin’s family. tragically, robin died when jess was eleven years old and they were raised through their adolescence by their father and older brother (elijah).

despite being a major goofball and terrible student, jess was a positive role model for their younger sister (mackenzie) and a big help at robin’s; the barbecue joint guy opened when they moved to las vegas to raise their children. as jess grew up, it seemed they were destined for greatness by way of their athletic prowess. unfortunately, right before their twenty-first birthday and their national track-and-field debut, they were badly injured in a werewolf attack and lost their place in the competition.

jess’s brother elijah was also injured and turned in the attack, but thankfully, the wolf didn’t lay a single claw on their sister mackenzie. nevertheless, for jess and elijah, surviving meant having the werewolf’s curse passed onto them. now that they know what’s lurking behind las vegas’s neon lights, neither of them are willing to leave their family behind or uproot them; certainly not until mackenzie is done with college and guy is ready to retire. at least the two of them have each other, right?

▻  HEADCANONS

jess calls charcuterie “grown-up lunchables” no matter who they’re around.

jess’s taste in music is 100% based on their father and late mother’s playlists from when jess was a young’un. if they can remember the two of them dancing to it in the kitchen, it’s on jess’s favorite playlist. they have a portrait of talking heads’ founder david byrne in a gold frame in their home like many people have portraits of jesus christ.

jess wasn’t a good student in school, but they have a knack for learning languages. they grew up in a household that used asl for mackenzie, jess’s younger sister, so that was a given, but they’re also fluent in spanish and have conversational skills in french and japanese.

▻  CONNECT IDEAS

fellow werewolves ! witch friends from the arcade ! vampires who vibe with our wee werewolf weirdo ! sirens jess has casually fallen in love with twenty times ! supernatural beings who defy stereotypes to hang with jess !

the other half of jess' podcast duo ( maybe trio? ) since there’s no way jess doesn’t have a podcast that a whole twelve people listen to every week – i picture them talking about haunted places in las vegas à la buzzfeed unsolved / ghost files or random topics with too much energy like the basement yard

texting buds who share memes and not much else

someone jess keeps just constantly running into somewhere, they absolutely cannot get rid of each other and fate seems to have decided that they’re in each other’s lives whether they like it or not

fellow regulars at jess’ favorite haunts, where they spent too much time making fast friends with the employees and then loitering like they also work there. examples: pizza places, bars, arcades, bookstores, record shops, climbing gyms, hipster cafes, locally owned breweries, etc

people who only know them from the parties they throw ( which have truly ridiculous themes, often result in noise complaints, and are always a wild time )

someone who hates jess because their chaotic antics have consequences, just not on them. jess is a runaway bull in a china shop and at the end of the day, someone has to clean up the china shop, right?

returned and unrequited crushes, exes, flings, a “ will they, won’t they ”

any friendly connect, considering jess sees the good / a good time in almost everyone

a less than friendly connect, since jess isn’t everyone’s cup of tea

anything under the sun you might be vibing !

[riverdamien]

Shavuot!

Shavuot: Bring Out the Big Bread!

"Out of the good treasure of your heart the good person brings forth good, and out of evil the evil person brings forth evil. For from the overflow of the heart comes the choice of good or evil" Luke 6:45)

As an adolescent, I was blessed with a Jewish nanny, and from her came my best friend, and the understanding of compassion and meaning of life.

We are presently nearing the end of Shavuot, the Festival of the Week of Pentecost, and "Bringing Out the Big Bread!

Living in a rural community I understand "Shavuot". For each "Shavuot," Lucy commissioned two huge loaves, weighing ten pounds a piece to be baked. These huge loaves of "Challah" are a special kind of bread, braided and eaten on ceremonial occasions. Shavuot is the day of celebrating the new grain harvest. On this day you honor and seek to follow the example of the Creator who instilled that goodness within us.

When I eat a meal crafted with love and care I can taste the sincerity within it, each act of creation displays our innermost being. Which is why I believe that God asks us to create.

Each time I lift the Bread and Wine in Holy Communion, I can see and taste the gift of creation, and our call to goodness and care for others in our innermost being.  . ." For from the overflow of the heart comes the choice of good or evil".

When each of us come together in a new social awareness we find the work of God giving meaning to history. We see each person as a child of God.

For every person on the street,  to whom I give food, socks, and harm-reduction supplies have infinite worth and meaning.

What lacks purpose is an attitude of failure, and not showing care and love.

We as the privileged class do not get our hands dirty. We expect our agencies and our politicians to create change, and in so doing we fail to see the humanity of our brothers and sisters on the street and throughout the world who suffer.

Shavuot is a call reminding us of God's goodness in life, and a time in which the words of Elizabeth Gilbert are highlighted:

"You can measure your worth by your dedication to your path, not by your successes or failures."

____________________________________________________________________________________________

"For LGBTQ+ young people, having an affirming community makes all the difference. Your participation and fundraising efforts help The Trevor Project continue to provide free, secure 24/7 suicide prevention and crisis services. This effort will also support Trevor’s ongoing public education, advocacy, and research initiatives, all in hopes of building a world where LGBTQ+ young people are safe and free to be themselves.

I am sacrificing a meal a day to donate! Join Me!

This is separate from your donation to Temenos, if you would like to pledge toward my $200.00 goal please do so, I have collected $100.00 so far!

============================

Dr. River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min., D.S.T.

Post Office Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

www.temenos.org

paypal.com

415-305-2124Alcohol and Drug Addiction Counseling Certificate

Certificate in Spiritual Direction

Certificate In Religious Trauma

(30th Anniversary Celebration!)

October 5, 2024

5:00 p.m.

Victor's Pizza

(Where Bought Youth First Pizza!)

Prayer of St. Brendan!

"Help me to journey beyond the familiar

and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways and break fresh ground with You. Christ of the mysteries I trust in You to be stronger than each storm within me.

I will trust in the darkness and know that my times, even now, are in Your hands.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven,

and somehow, make my obedience count for You"

------------------------------------------------

(Temenos and Dr. River seek to remain accessible to everyone. We do not endorse particular causes, political parties, or candidates, or take part in public controversies, whether religious, political or social--Our pastoral ministry is to everyone!

================================

[granolagaeilgeoir]

Why are you a transphobe tho?

First of all, the accusation of transphobia implies that I view my transgender brothers and sisters in a negative light and cast judgement upon them. As Catholics we are called to act with love towards all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and it is not our place to place judgement upon others - that is reserved for God alone.

Second, as a Catholic, I cannot say that I support individuals undergoing surgery to mutilate their body into a biological sex it was not born as. I do not place judgement upon those who do, but I do not support it. We were all created in the image and likeness of God and we are meant to respect our bodies as such.

This is an excellent explanation on Catholicism's views on transgender-related topics:

"A person may experience this tension and alienation between body and soul so profoundly that the person claims an “internal sense” of sexual identity different from his or her biological sex. This condition was labeled by the American Psychiatric Association in 2013 as “gender dysphoria.” 16 From a theological perspective, the experience of this interior conflict is not sinful in itself but must be understood as a disorder reflecting the broader disharmony caused by original sin. It is a particularly painful experience of the wounds we all suffer as a result of original sin. Every individual experiencing this condition should be treated with respect, justice, and charity.

What is new in our times, however, is the growing cultural acceptance of the erroneous claim that some people, including children and adolescents, are “in” the “wrong body” and therefore must undergo “gender transition,” either to relieve distress or as an expression of personal autonomy. Sometimes this involves psycho-social changes: The person asserts a new identity, reinforced by a different name, pronouns, and wardrobe. At other times it involves a medical or surgical change: The person seeks chemical or surgical interventions that alter the body's function and appearance and even impair or destroy otherwise healthy reproductive organs. At its core, this belief in a “transgender” identity rejects the significance of the sexed body and seeks cultural, medical, and legal validation of the person's self-defined identity-an approach called “gender affirmation.” Culturally, these claims have brought challenges to law, medicine, education, business, and religious freedom."

TLDR: As a Catholic, we love all of our transgender brothers and sisters, but do not support the surgical changes being encouraged by society.

[mypoisonedvine]

Tattletale | (dark)stepbrother!Sam Wilson x reader

summary: your step-brother was kind enough to let you stay at his apartment just off-campus when you began your freshman year of college where he was a senior.  unfortunately, his kindness ran out when he learned about your secret side-hustle.

word count: 4.7k

warnings: smut!! (noncon/heavy dubcon and stepcest, they’re not biologically related but were raised from adolescence as siblings), facefucking, slapping, choking, degradation, coercion, DP (with a toy), anal play, possessive behavior, unprotected creampie, lots of crying/implied dacryphilia

this is a dark fic containing triggering topics, please do not read if this would be triggering for upsetting for you in any way.

Your step-brother (and roommate… and technically your landlord) wasn’t usually home when you got back from your Econ class, so you jumped a bit when you saw him nursing a beer in your shared living room; apparently, he was waiting for you.

“Hey, Sammy,” you greeted sheepishly, suddenly feeling self-conscious when his eyes raked over your body— it was hot out, so you just had on a tank top and cut-off shorts, but now you wish you’d covered up more.

“Hey,” he nodded back, setting the beer down and leaning back on the couch, “you got time to talk for a minute?”

His tone made you a little nervous, but his casual body language set you at ease.  He probably just wanted to ask if you could stay somewhere else over the weekend so he could have a girl over, or maybe he needed your help with one of his more difficult assignments— though frankly, you probably couldn’t help much with a senior-level project.  “Sure,” you shrugged, setting your backpack down and slipping off your shoes to join him on the couch.  “What’s up?”

“Nothing, really, I just feel like we don’t talk as much as we used to,” he explained with a little sigh.  Something about the way he glanced to the side for a moment made you wonder if he was being completely transparent.  “Remember when we were younger and we talked all the time?  Or when I moved away to start here and we called every day?  I miss that…”

You smiled a little, moving closer on the couch to rest your hand on his.  “Me too,” you admitted.  “I just figured you saw me as your annoying little sister.”

“I do,” he laughed, “but, you know, we used to be really close!  You used to tell me everything.  And now… now I don’t think you tell me everything.”

Your suspicion that this was more directed than he let on was growing, but you wanted to be close again, too, so you let it continue.  “Well, we’re older now so it’s not quite the same…”

“I guess it’s normal for siblings to grow apart when they’re adults, but, I don’t know… I guess I just didn’t see it coming with us.  And now that I’m letting you live here I thought it would be like old times; to be honest, that was part of why I had you move in in the first place.”

Just as you started to shift away, he flipped his hand and grabbed your wrist, stopping you from pulling away.  “Sammy,” you whispered in shock, leaning back as much as you could even as he moved in closer.

“I think it’s the least you can do to be honest with me, sis,” he hissed.

“I— I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you protested, your gut sinking in fear of being reprimanded by him.  He was so friendly 99% of the time, but you were still terrified of those few memories you had of him getting angry with you.  Disappointing him was one of your greatest fears.

Sam laughed, but he didn’t exactly seem amused.  “Stop playing dumb, honey, I think you know what this is about.”

“I… I don’t…” you stammered, your heart dropping further when he reached for his phone.

“Got a text from Steve today,” he explained as he unlocked it.  “Wanna guess what it was?”

You swallowed dryly, more sure than ever that it was what you dreaded most.  “I don’t know, Sam…”

“I’ll give you a hint,” he grimaced, reading something from the screen.  “Kinky virgin horny for cock, 18, freshman at NYU.”

You looked away but he instantly grabbed your face and turned you to look at him.  “You know, I let you live here while you were in college so you could get an education.  Not be a fucking slut.  Did you think I wouldn’t find your OnlyFans?  Steve found it first, god knows what he did with these pictures before he sent them to me.  Is this what you wanted?  Any guy— even a guy we know— to get off to these pictures?”

Your shoulders slumped and your chest deflated as you started to cry.  “I’m s-so sorry, Sammy—”

“Don’t call me that,” he sneered.  “How stupid are you?  Did you think these would stay private?  Guys trade these all the time, they’re never secret for long.  How long have you been doing this, huh?  Must’ve been a while considering the sheer magnitude of content.  Looks like your first post was on your 18th birthday— Jesus fucking Christ, you couldn’t wait a minute could you?  I was there that day… when did you sneak off to take this little number, huh?”

You didn’t want to look as he turned the phone to you, but his hand tight around your wrist was a reminder not to struggle too hard.  You remembered taking the photo, and it had been during your party.  The idea of how wrong it would be to strip down in your parent’s bathroom to snap a picture in the mirror had only been more encouraging at the time.  For some reason you hadn’t considered that someone would find it; you cringed at the idea that Steve saw you entirely nude, let alone your brother.  It was humiliating.

“And what about this one, huh?  How fucking slutty are you?” he spat, pulling up another picture and shoving the phone in your face as you were confronted with the image of you on your bed with your legs spread, fingers toying with your clit.  “You really don’t leave anything to the imagination.”

“Sam, I didn’t— you weren’t supposed to—”

“Just stop talking.  I can barely look at you right now,” he shook his head.  “This stuff is seriously depraved, sis.  The idea of all these guys drooling all over my little sister… and you actually encouraged them, the fuck is wrong with you?”

Tears poured down your face, and you felt like the anger radiating off of him would burn your skin somehow.  

“And don’t give me some stupid fucking sob story about how you’re doing this to pay for school when I know damn well that mom and dad pay for your classes and I pay your fucking rent.  You didn’t do it for money; you did it for fun.  You did it ‘cause you’re a shameless fucking slut.”

“‘M not,” you denied, “Sam, really— I’m still a virgin, I don’t— you know I don’t do that.”

“You just fantasize about it.  And chat with strangers online about it.  And make videos going on and on about how bad you wanna get fucked.”

You shuddered as you realized: “You watched one of my videos?”

He grinned and pulled you closer.  “Baby… I watched all of them.”

Completely at a loss for words, you silently tried to squirm away only for him to wrap his other arm around you and pull you closer, ignoring your sobs of fear and confusion.

“You’re actually sorta talented, for a dumb little virgin who had no idea what she’s getting herself into,” he purred against your ear, starting to push up your tank top.

“N-no,” you whimpered, “Sam, stop— I’m sorry.  I’ll delete the account, I’m sorry.”

“Too late for apologies, little sis,” he cooed, “it’s not just the account.  It’s that you made those posts from my apartment, you took those pictures in the room that I gave you.  Not to mention the way you walk around in these tight clothes, teasing me just because you can.  This goes way deeper than a few dirty pictures, sweetheart, and you know it.”

When you tried to wriggle away again, he seemed to exert nearly no effort at all to be able to spin you around and pull you down into his lap, where the shape of his hard cock pressing against your ass was obvious.  “Sam, s-stop, this isn’t funny.”

“Damn right it isn’t funny, I’m dead fucking serious,” he growled against your ear.  “What was it that you said in your most recent video, the one where you were wearing a collar and using that gaudy pink vibe on your clit?  ‘I need your cock to ruin my hole, daddy’... am I remembering that right?”

Hesitantly, you nodded, and he laughed darkly against your ear as he pulled your hips into his.  

“Say it, then.  Like you said it in the video.”

“Sam, no—” 

“No?” he repeated incredulously.  “You can’t say no to me, honey.  Cause if you do, I’m gonna send all these pictures and videos to mom and dad, tell them all about how their precious little angel is selling her ass on the Internet with the phone they pay for and the laptop they bought.  What are they gonna say to that?  Think they’ll take you back after that, let you stay with them when I kick you out?  As if.  So unless you think one of these creeps online is gonna give you a place to stay, seems like I’m your only option.”

You choked on a sob as you cried harder, hating that he was right.  

“So you need to start doing what you’re told, or you’re gonna end up doing a lot worse with someone much less generous than me, got it?”

Terrified of him but unable to imagine the alternative, you nodded.

“Then.  Fucking.  Say it.”

“I…” you began, sounding weak and weepy compared to the original video you were quoting, “I need your cock… to ruin my hole… daddy.”

“Eh, needs improvement but it’s a start,” he shrugged, throwing you down onto the couch and climbing on top of you.  When you tried to protest, or at least turn around to face him, he slapped your ass harshly and it stung even through the denim shorts.  “I have needs too, sis.  Can’t hardly get any when you’re here all damn day being a fucking cockblock.  And frankly, since you started dressing like this and acting like a whore, I haven’t even been able to think about anybody else… can’t get hard for anyone but my slutty little sister.”

He leaned down to press his body against yours, pinning you against the cool leather by your shoulders.  

“Steve told me about your account weeks ago, babe… I’ve been getting off to your cute little pictures ever since.”

It made you wince, but it made him laugh.  Shame and fear and disgust swirled in your gut and made you nauseous, his grip on you tight enough to leave a bruise as he dug his fingertips into your skin.  When he sat back up, he started pulling at your jean shorts roughly, ripping them slightly as he shoved them down to your thighs.

“Wow, look at this pretty little ass,” he groaned.  “A thousand guys have seen it, but it’s better in person.”  He slapped you again on either cheek, hard enough to make you yelp.  “What’s the matter, sis, I thought you liked being spanked?  You talk about it all the time.  You talk about how you want me to spank you raw and leave marks all over your body, hurt you and break you and claim you.”

“I— I wasn’t talking about you,” you defended, remembering how you always addressed the viewer when dirty talking in your videos, but keeping it generic enough that any guy could imagine it was him.

“Then who did you think about when you got off?  Who was it that got you wet for your videos?” he pressed.  “Because you’re wet right now… and I’m the only one here.”

You shook your head, you tried to speak to deny it, but words escaped you as he flipped you around and hovered above your face.

“Do you get wet for anybody, baby, is that it?  Will you spread your legs for any cock?  Or do you just have a special place in your cunt for your big brother?”

Your stunned silence earned you a slap to the face, sending your head spinning to the side as your cheek stung and burned.  Just as the heat of the impact really started to get to you, he hit you on the other side, and again, until you finally gave him an answer: “You!” you yelped suddenly.  “You, Sam, just you!”

He laughed a little, leaning down and capturing your lips in an unexpected, dominating kiss.  It was awkward and sloppy, exactly the sort of kiss one would expect when it was forced; just as passionless and confused on your end as a kiss to your step-sibling should be.  But he moaned against you and forced his tongue deeper into your mouth, hands coming down to grope your tits through your tank top and bra.  Trying to push him away was beyond useless, and he slapped you again without even breaking his lips away from yours.  Soon he was reaching to pull down your top— no, wait, he was tearing through it, and your bra snapped like a rubber band against his strength.  When he grabbed your breasts again, without any clothing in the way this time, your nipples were hard and sensitive between his fingers; it was so obvious that he smiled into the kiss, biting your lip playfully.  “Wow, you really do like this.  Your step brother’s forcing himself on you and you’re such a whore that you’re actually into it.”

He slapped your breast, just hard enough to sting, and you cried out; he did it again and your back arched.

“Yeah, I knew you just needed to be put in your place, little sis.  Just needed me to fix your attitude, that’s all.”  He wrapped his hand around your neck, not squeezing enough to cut off airflow but obviously threatening it, before leaning down to whisper in your ear: “get on the ground, on your knees.”

Even for what was left of your virginal innocence, you knew what he wanted.  Wordlessly, your only sounds the weak little sobs that shook your chest, you slipped out from beneath him and onto the floor by the couch.  He shifted to sit in front of you with wide legs, thick thighs spread as he looked down at you with an expression of anticipation.  

“Get on with it, honey, I know you know how.  Seen you choke on your toys a thousand times.”

After taking a stabilizing breath to cope with what was happening, shivering from the cold air on your exposed upper half, you sat up slightly and reached for his belt.  You’d felt it pressed against you before, but now you could see the shape of his cock threatening to burst out of his jeans, so thick and long that you were confident he heard the little gasp you let out.  And yet, you knew you had to trek forward, so you began to unclasp his belt before unzipping his fly.  He lifted his hips to help you pull his pants and boxers down, but other than that he was too busy stroking the side of your face with his fingers in a move much too delicate for the situation.  You stopped breathing for a second when you saw the size of him, his cock bouncing up when you released it to slap against his stomach.

“Sam, I can’t,” you sighed, starting to back away, “I’ve never— it won’t fit.”

“Nah, baby, it’s okay,” he encouraged gently, pulling you closer, “you can take it just fine.  Just open your mouth, sis…”

He guided the tip of his cock between your lips, still swollen from his bruising kiss, and you whimpered when you felt his warm skin against your tongue, tasting the salty pre-cum that leaked out slow and steady.

“Yeah, just like that, now go ahead and suck on me,” he instructed, groaning when you closed your lips and hollowed your cheeks, using your tongue to tease the slit like you’d read online was a good thing to do.  He chuckled and bucked up into you, holding your head as he started to pump his hips and slowly fill your mouth to the brim.  “See, you can do it— now choke on it.”

When he pushed in until you gagged, your first instinct was to push on his thighs and try to get away for air, but he held you down as he hissed through his teeth.

“I know you can take all of me in your throat if you just stop fucking fighting,” he hissed, slapping you one more time which caused your throat to open up in shock— and it was just enough for him to shove in deeper, groaning at the feeling.  “Yeah, that’s it… fuck…” he sighed, moving his hips faster.  The struggle for air made your eyes water (although you hadn’t really had much of a chance to stop crying in the first place) as your grip on his thighs tightened.  “I bet your pussy is getting so wet for me right now,” he chuckled, “I bet you love choking on my cock, huh?”

You tried to shake your head but you couldn’t really move much; he pulled you off of his length by your hair, just in time to give you a much-needed sputtering gasp for air.

“Fuck, I’d love to fill that pretty throat with my come,” he smiled— a sinister sort of grin that made you shudder as you looked up with him, feeling spit and pre-cum on your lips and chin— “but I know what you want.  Since you’ve spent all year begging to lose your virginity on the internet, I figure I’ll be nice and give you what you’ve been asking for.”

Before you could even begin to consider a response to that, he hoisted you up and threw you back onto the couch, spreading your legs as you looked away in shame.

“Yep, I was right, you’re fuckin’ soaked,” he laughed.  “You nasty little slut, are you actually getting off on this?  Wow.”

A renewed sense of ‘dear god this cannot happen’ shot through you as he leaned down and slid his cock over your folds, teasing your clit with his swollen head.  “Sam, stop, please…”

“I’m kind of getting tired of you begging,” he hissed as he leaned down, glaring right into your eyes as you froze beneath him.  “I’m obviously not going to stop,” he explained as his hand slipped around your throat, “you dumb fucking bitch.”

Your ability to fight back was taken with your opportunity to breathe, his strong fingers cutting off blood flow to your head quickly as he clamped down on your neck.  Instantly you clawed at his hand, your vision starting to go a little spotty, and he laughed at you coldly before letting go.  And when he finally did, his hand moved instead to hold both your wrists above your head while the other guided his cock into your pulsing entrance.  When he pushed his hips forward, the air was punched from your lungs as your back arched, a sharp pain reverberating over your body from the stretch of him inside you.

“Fuck!” he groaned, pushing in deeper, slow but consistent.  “You’re tight, baby, you really did need a cock to ruin this hole, huh?  Fuck, ‘m gonna, just hold still…”

But how could you hold still, when every instinct had you moving your hips to try to push his cock out, your hands tightening into fists as they tried to fight against his strength.  Of course, now that he was inside, he had a second arm to hold you down with, but the terrifying thing was that he really only needed the one.  “Sam!” you sobbed, your own voice sounding foreign with the way it wavered and cracked.

“Yeah, baby, that’s me inside you,” he purred, “that’s your big brother’s cock tearing up this little pussy…”

When he roughly shoved the rest of himself inside, the tip of his cock found the end of you and your eyes shot open.  He smiled down at you as he examined your face; twisted in pain, and glistening with tears turned greyish-black by your mascara.

“None of your toys ever went this deep in you before, huh?  Poor thing, should’ve known you were all talk… you don’t even know how to take those big cocks you drool over.  I can’t even imagine what you’ll be like when I put this in your ass.”

He cackled at the pure terror that danced over your expression, and the way your walls tightened around him briefly.  

“Relax, sis, not today.  I’m just sayin’, if you want me to keep my mouth shut to mom and dad, you’re gonna have to keep me happy.  Lucky for you, I’m very happy right now, snug inside this sweet little cunt of yours…” he trailed off, leaning down to kiss your cheek and moving to suck on your ear, bite your neck, lick up and down over your pulse.  He was waiting, you realized, for your body to relax so he could move inside you with less resistance.  You were a little surprised he didn’t just jackhammer into you with no regard for your pain, but you had a feeling that part was coming soon anyways.

He reached down to pull your legs up, guiding them to wrap around his hips, and the new angle forced his cock a little deeper which made you squeal.  The sound morphed into a stuttered moan, however, when he pulled back out of you slowly, savoring every detail of your walls as he sighed against your skin.

When he slammed back home, your nails dug into your own palms.

“Baby,” he whispered, “you’re close, aren’t you?  Just from this.  You always came so fast in your videos…”

Irritatingly, he was right; your walls were flexing as more slick coated his thick shaft, dripping down until you could hear the wetness whenever his hips slapped into yours.  You couldn’t help it, considering how he pushed right into your g-spot with every stroke inside you, hitting every sensitive place harder and better than any toy ever had.

“See, baby?  We were made for each other,” he cooed.  “You were made to take this cock.  You were meant to be my little fucktoy.”

You hated the way his words only added to your pleasure, pushing you right up to the edge— which his cock slamming all the way into you one last time finally sent you over.

“Oh, fuck,” he gasped when he felt the force of your orgasm, smiling pridefully as your eyes fluttered shut and your head fell back against the couch.  “So sensitive, sweetheart, and so fucking wet for me…”

He fucked you faster and— somehow— deeper, chasing his own release with aggressive thrusts into you.  Each of his low grunts against your ear sent shivers down your spine, your legs around him tightening to pull him closer.

Just as you thought he might find his rhythm for a while and maybe, if you were lucky, be finished with you soon, he pulled out quickly and patted your thigh.  “Hands and knees, baby,” he instructed, watching you shakily turn around and lift yourself on weak arms.  It was short-lived, though, as he pushed your face back down into the couch cushion, forcing your back into a dramatic arch that made you feel like your body was on display for him.  As if that wasn’t nerve-wracking enough, you couldn’t even see him much anymore, which meant you had no idea what he was reaching for when he leaned back— but you heard what it was when he turned it on.  “Oh, you recognize this?” he mused.  “It was my favorite of everything I saw you use.”

He rubbed the vibrator over your folds slowly, chuckling a little when you jolted each time it brushed against your clit.  You didn’t really understand why he would want to fuck you with a vibe when he seemed to have been enjoying doing it himself; but then he slid it up a little higher, to your other hole, and you gasped.  “S-Sam,” you pleaded.

“I know you took it here before.  I watched you do it.  I even heard you the night you filmed it— these walls are thinner than you think, sis.”

Shame burned on your face as you imagined him listening to you put something up your ass for the first time, only for him to see the video the next morning when you uploaded it.

“Do you think it’s gonna feel different when I put it in while I fuck you?” he mused, pushing the vibrating tip of it into your hole.  Thankfully it was pretty slender, so the stretch wasn’t bad, but the vibrations were strong enough that you could feel them everywhere, and you realized he would be able to feel them, too, while he was inside you.  “You’re gonna be so fuckin’ full, sis, stuffed to the brim just like you wanted.”

He pushed the toy in deeper until your hands clutched at the sofa beneath you, which was apparently his cue to guide his cock back into your drenched pussy.  Just as he promised, you felt so full that you had no idea how to cope with it, your legs shaking as you tried not to collapse beneath him.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groaned, moving himself and the toy at alternating paces inside you as you mindlessly drooled onto the cushion, your overstimulated body barely able to handle the sensations he was forcing upon you.  “You like being my little fucktoy, don’t you?  You’re so pretty like this, so pretty being used just like you deserve.”

“Sammy, please,” you sobbed, barely intelligible as you couldn’t really string your thoughts together anymore.

“You want more, huh?  Needy little slut,” he snarled, but the way he said it almost sounded like a compliment.  It certainly made your heart swell as if it was.  He fucked you faster, then, and pushed the vibrator as deep into your ass as it would go until you were sobbing and blubbering and basically just a complete mess beneath him.  “Keep squeezin’ me so tight and I’m gonna come inside you, sweetheart,” he moaned.

Some part of your brain was still aware enough to know that that was not a good idea, but you didn’t even really think to tell him not to because you knew he would anyway.  Finally, you had accepted that he was going to do whatever he wanted with you and your resistance only brought out his crueler side.  

“Fuck, come again for me,” he demanded, “come on my cock while I come inside you— that’s it, cream on my fucking cock while I fill you up, slut.”

It was jarring, the way his words suddenly knocked you over the edge again as you cried out, fresh tears filling your eyes and joining the damp spot beneath your face on the couch.  You felt both your holes clenching around the intrusions he had filled them with, your head going fuzzy and your limbs going numb from the intensity of your peak; waves of warmth washed over you as you slumped down a little bit, the distant sound of his praises just barely reaching your ringing ears.

His free hand held your hips tightly while the other kept pumping the vibrator into you, and even through all the overwhelming stimuli going on at the moment, you could feel his cock beginning to flex deep inside you.  Each pump of his come painting the deepest parts of you coincided with a low moan from him, the sound so cruelly perfect and forcing your channel to clamp down on him, weakly, one last time.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as he caught his breath, turning off the vibrator before slowly pulling it out of you and tossing it aside.  He kept his cock inside for longer, though, as he rubbed your ass and back gently.  “You’re gonna be such a good little fucktoy for me, sis, I just know it.”

He let you drop when he pulled out of you, your spent body limp and leaking on the couch as he stared down at you.

“I think you need a shower, sweetheart,” he chuckled.  “But first, you need to give me the password to your OnlyFans so I can help you delete it, okay baby?  We don’t need anybody else looking at what’s mine.”

[adsosfraser]

The Stone’s Toll - Chapter Nine

Read on AO3

Jamie woke that morning, to his wife tangled around him. The singular thing driving him was between his legs. He kissed her neck and tugged at her skin with a sharp sting. Claire stirred and smiled up at him. Gathering her bottom lip between his teeth, his hands meandered down her shoulders, to the slope of her breasts, to her abdomen, and finally lifted the plump piece of flesh that he loved so much. 

 “Is this real? Are you real?” 

 “Would I do this if I was only a dream Sassenach?” He pinched the backside of her arse and grinned. She yelped in response and swatted his fingers away from the now stinging flesh. 

“You’re real.” She smiled and placed her palms on either side of his jaw. 

 “I’ll prove just how real enough I am lass.” He smirked and moved his hands away from her backside, further down to cup between her legs. 

 “Jamie. Stop.” Claire panted out. 

 “Have I hurt ye, Claire?” He immediately pulled away, hovering over her and softly brushing her sides. 

 “No, but there are some things I need to tell you… before we’re intimate.” 

 “Is this about Frank?”

 “What? No! Why on earth would you be thinking about him?” 

 “Well did ye?-” 

 “Once. But I didn’t encourage it.” Her lips tightened into a line. “This isn’t what I wanted to talk about Jamie.” 

 Before he could eek out a livid response, Claire jumped out of the bed towards the corner of the room. Pulling out a small silver box inside her leather bag, she plucked out a dome-shaped cup. She had two more tucked away in the small metal tin. Her hands then grabbed purchase of a small vial within her medicine bag. The objects flew onto the bed and she plopped down next to Jamie. 

 “This,” she pointed to the vial, “is a concoction of fennel and posies.”

 Jamie had grabbed the odd rubber cup and rolled it between his fingers. Claire swatted it out of his hands a little annoyed at her husband’s dirty fingernails; she would have to clean it again. 

 “And this,” she waved the small cup in front of his eyes, “is a diaphragm. Some call it a ‘womb veil’. These are all forms of birth control.” 

 “Birth… control?” He rolled out the syllables in his last word. 

 “Yes, preventative measures to avoid pregnancy.” 

 “Christ, ye would kill a bairn!” He immediately regretted his words as his wife recoiled and her eyes betrayed the hurt inside of her. 

 “No, because there would be none in the first place. It stops the sperm- seed from ever even getting into a woman to create the baby in the first place.” 

 “But surely God-” He spoke more softly. 

 “Would want me to use it.” Tears pricked at her eyes. “Jamie I’m not… I’m not ready.” Jamie shifted to hold his wife closer as the atmosphere changed from playful to sombre. “I couldn’t go through that again to not have my baby in my arms. I truly think it would kill me, it almost did.” 

 His heart softened at her admission and he knew he would do whatever would make her safe and happy, even if it meant a life of celibacy. But he hoped to God it would never come to that.

 “I dinna want ye to bear another child. I wouldna risk your loss Sassenach.” Jamie carefully pulled a curl away from her eye. “Not for a dozen bairns. We’ve Fergus and our nephew and nieces- weans enough. And our two beautiful lasses are wi’ God. So,” he paused to blink away the moisture in his eyes and swallow down the tightness of his throat, “if this wee diaphragm,” he rolled the word around his tongue, ”and posy is what’ll help ye I’ll gladly pick it fer you every day if that’s your wish.” 

 He picked up the diaphragm from her hands again, inspecting it more closely. “How does this wee thing work?” 

 “Well, I place it inside me so it covers my cervix, it should rest comfortably against my pubic bone.” 

 “Ye put that… inside ye?” He was completely disturbed by the thought. 

 “It’s not like there hasn’t been anything in there before, and I’d dare say it was even larger than that ‘wee thing’.” She grabbed a healthy hold of him to emphasise her point. 

 “Aye, that it is.” He looked down with pride and she rolled her eyes at him, but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. 

 “I’ll have to take the herbs one more week, to be safe. Can you wait for me?” 

 “I’d wait forever if it came to it, fer ye Sassenach, always.” 

 “Well, and we can always do other things.” She flipped Jamie to his back and her head travelled down his body to the curls nestled atop his pubic bone. “So long as you don’t, ‘spill your seed’ inside of me. Well inside my-” 

 He expressed his agreement with a loud grunt. 

 Six days later, Jamie was practically jumping in his skin with anticipation. He had gone back to the cave, much to Claire’s dismay. Instructing her to stay at Lallybroch, he wasn’t surprised when her head of curls popped into the shadows of the fire in his small sanctuary. He was very attentive, eager to make sure she kept up her steady intake of fennel and posy. They spent most of the days cuddling together and ignoring anyone else but themselves when he wasn’t out hunting for food. Most of the food was sent off to Lallybroch through Fergus. She didn’t want to admit it, but they were both avoiding their family’s disorderly presence and unanswerable questions. Fergus stopped by frequently and Claire was glad of the company while Jamie was off. Claire spoke to both Jamie and Fergus about her many childhood adventures; those stories were safe from the fresh pang of loss she had endured. But Jamie finally put his foot down on the final night when Claire got a crick in her neck and returned her back, but her wee hands gripped him hard into their bed. There would be no returning to the cave. 

 Claire wrapped a shawl around her and tiptoed to the window. The sunrise was almost over, bringing with it an unusually bright and cloudless day. She peeked down across the courtyard, and her blood turned cold. Jamie was pulling up his breeks over his sark. Without hesitation, Claire shoved Jamie into the small wooden closet of the Laird’s room and quickly pulled the laces of her skirt and bodice. Not a moment later, the door banged open to the sight of a pock-marked redcoat. His eyes scanned the room and landed on the closet. 

 “Where is he?” 

 Claire played dumb, not willing to speak to reveal that her accent would be the same as his. That would raise even more questions that she couldn’t possibly answer. The only thing she could think of at that moment was to play into the delicacy of her gender and faint into his arms. With an overdramatic flare of the back of her hand to her forehead, she slumped onto the floor. 

 Her prone position reminded her of another stiff surface. A cold metal sheet, uncaring hands, and a pressure in circles on her temples. Panic squeezed her throat and veins.

 “Captain! This woman needs assistance up here!” 

 But it was Jenny who appeared at the door, not the Captain. 

 She gathered Claire onto her lap as best as she could being so far along in her pregnancy. “Oh no! My puir cousin! Ye see she had a great fall one day. The tragedy took her speech and now she has spells such as these all the time. I’m heart sorry ye had to see that Corporal…?” Claire relaxed into the familiar arms, so different from the ones that had restrained her.

 “Lieutenant Wilson.” He puffed out his chest.

 “Weel, Lieutenant, as ye can see my cousin Mistress Malcolm has taken up residence in this room recently. Bless her soul, the accident that stole her speech took her husband as well.” 

 The redcoat placed his tricorn over his heart and bowed his head. “Terribly sorry madame. Thank you for your cooperation.” 

 “O’ course, now away wi’ ye, we must prepare yer meal.” 

 Jenny was panting and gripped Claire’s hand when the soldier whipped out of sight. Liquid seeped down her skirts and to the stone floor below. “Jenny-” 

 “We must tend to the redcoats first.” 

 “No. Jenny. You’re only eight months along. We need to see to you immediately.”  

 “The Lieutenant-” 

 “Can go hang. Ian and Mrs. Crook will see to them.” 

 Jamie slipped out undetected down to the root cellar.

 Jenny cursed, screamed and paced around her room. The midwife was impossible, refusing to sanitise properly before touching Jenny and Claire finally kicked her out. No woman like that would be touching her sister nor her future niece or nephew. Jenny slumped into the bed with Claire’s help when her labouring was over. Caitlin Maisri Murray was impossibly tiny when she met the world. No screams wrenched through her tiny lungs and Claire was immediately pressing the child to her thigh. Her forefinger and middle finger pushed into her chest and she breathed into the limp body. Finally, her chest heaved two minutes later, and her loud banshee shrieks filled the room. Her niece was a fighter. With her help, she would weather her first days, which would soon turn into thousands. 

 She had taken up massaging the baby girl to soothe her traumatised muscles from the hard birth. Claire cradled her niece’s turned head carefully in her hand and propped her stomach on her legs. Her hands began to deftly massage the exhausted baby’s back, legs, and arms, and once she was finished she gave a small peck to her wee nose. She still had a lot of growing to do to recover, but Claire was certain she would become a scraggly and loose-toothed toddler and a beautiful teenager before growing into the mature young woman she could envision her as now. Opening her bright eyes, moisture gathered at the corner of her aunt’s eyes in reaction to the brilliant colour. They were so like Jamie’s, and she knew not all babies kept their original colour, but she hoped. Would her daughters’ eyes have looked like this?

  The men had all dispersed for drinks in the Great Room downstairs and Claire brought Ian over to the side to share the great news. She signalled with her hands to keep up the pretence of her muteness but whispered quietly with nearly closed lips as well to Ian. The Captain, Claire presumed, sauntered over to her and held out a paper. Laird MacKenzie sprawled across the material in an adolescent scrawl. 

 “A letter for your Mistress. We thank you for your hospitality and wish her congratulations.” Claire nodded and tucked the paper into the pocket beneath her skirts. 

 It was dark, the middle of night, and Jamie snuck back in when the redcoats mounted their horses. He fell asleep immediately tucked into his wife. She grabbed the small grey tin from within her leather bag and pulled out the diaphragm. She adjusted it inside her until it laid comfortably and sighed. It had been days since her return, filled with distress and sickness, panic and dismay, and the events of the past few months had come crashing down upon her once again. She needed her husband. Crawling over him, he woke from his slumber. He grinned up at her and slowly came back to reality. 

 “Thanks to yer quick-thinking Sassenach, not only was my life saved but my wee niece and all in Lallybroch.” 

 “You saved my life James Fraser, on more accounts than one. I thought it might be fair for me to return the favour.” Claire smirked and rolled their bodies so she straddled him. “And not only that, I want to protect you forever Jamie. To see you safe until we’re old and grey, with an army of grand nephews and nieces, and the grandchildren Fergus will bless us with, to surround us. You can’t get rid of me ever again.” She softly kissed his forehead, along his cheeks, the tip of his nose, and slowly brushed her lips against his eager ones.

 “Och, Sassenach. Stuck with ye for life? I can think of worse.” He stared back at his wife with mischief in his eyes and adjusted his body so they were both on their sides.

 Claire rolled her eyes as she lightly slapped his arm. She leaned even closer to him, which seemed impossible with their skin flushed up together already. Her thumb trailed a line across his bottom lip and she replaced it with her own mouth. 

 “Make love to your wife.” She whispered, obstructed by his lips but he heard her like his life depended on the very cadence of her voice. Claire let go of his lips to kiss the spot behind his ear that made him squirm. “Make love to me Jamie.” 

 Their lovemaking was frantic, both seemingly clawed to possess every inch of skin.

 When they laid dazed on their backs, recovering from their post-coital bliss, Jamie lightly pressed his fingers onto the fading burns on her stomach and traced up to the two identical circles on her temples. Her hand found the healing scar on his thigh and she stroked over the raised skin. She looked at the large gash across her husband's thigh, still red with the newness of the injury. 

 “How?” 

 “Culloden.” He gritted out. “How?” 

 Her hands guided his towards her stomach. “The stones.” Now, her temples. “Boston.” 

 She didn’t want to discuss it any further, just as he was reluctant to share the details of that dreary morning on the moor. She neglected the scar on her breast and he didn’t push any further for her to speak on it. Would he feel ashamed of her truth? Of course, he wouldn’t, but she did. It was difficult for her to think back on. Speaking on it would make it true, so she kept those memories locked tight in her brain. Maybe, with more time she could heal, and she would share everything with him completely like they once had been. 

 “Boston?” 

 “Danvers State Hospital to be specific. Or as some call it- will call it the State Lunatic Hospital at Danvers. Frank put me there when I-“ 

 “Frank did this to you?” Jamie’s teeth clenched in anger and Claire could feel the heat radiating from his skin onto hers. “If he were here, I’d fight him fer ye Sassenach. I should ha’ never sent ye to him.” 

 “You couldn’t possibly have known. You were doing what you thought best, with the information we had at the time.” 

 “What is it, that left these scars on your puir heid?” 

 “They’ll fade. Soon there won’t even be a scar, I’m sure.”

 “I dinna care about how they look on ye Sassenach, I care that ye went through pain to have them, I would ha’ gladly taken it myself.” His eyes were glossy as he implored her. “Now tell me.” 

 “In the asylum, they had these new treatments, electric shock therapy. They place these two rubber circles wrapped in like socks or something attached to a headband on your temples, and send volts of electricity through your brain. Like harnessing lightning right to your head.” His grip tightened, appalled at his wife’s description. “My mind was hazy for days, I couldn’t do much but stare listlessly at walls. I saw Fergus then, on the first night following the treatment, though I’m not sure he saw me.” 

 “He yelled out fer ye, almost at the same time every week.” 

 “Oh.” It felt better to know those nights he was truly there. “I was in there for little over a month, so I only had to endure it two times- wait no three, I think. I was a lot luckier than others, who were prisoners there for years on end. I shiver to think what that would have been like, a prisoner to your own mind and unable to say no to your jailer, or even saying no but them being apathetic towards your plight.” 

 “Fer all ye speak o’ the future, it doesna seem much better than now.” 

 “It’s true, some people use their innovations for evil then, that’s why the war I was in started. Evil exists in any time, in any place.” 

 “Weel I’m glad yer here in my arms, away from those mad bastards, and I know I can be there to fight anyone who wishes ye ill.” Her thigh began rubbing between his. 

 “I am too Jamie. So much.” 

 Laird and Lady clung tight to each other in their bed, in their home knowing they would have to leave tomorrow.

[marigoldbaker]

so i decided to write something short for giles and jenny in that au i was talking about this morning, because i love the thought of ripper trying to keep an eye on fifteen-year-old jenny and accidentally stumbling into good life choices. there are obviously no romantic feelings on ripper’s end when jenny is a baby, obviously, but they meet five years later and giles is absolutely knocked off course by the tiny kid he used to scoop out of trouble suddenly being this confident bombshell with a steady job and a solid magical-academic reputation.

anyway: shenanigans below the cut.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you are more damn trouble than you’re worth,” snapped Ripper, scooping Janna up and tossing her unceremoniously over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Janna shrieked, outraged, and tried to kick him in the face. “Fucking stop it! You’re going to get yourself killed – which, first of all, see if I care, all the trouble you’ve put me through in the last two weeks alone, and second, you’ll probably cause me more trouble if you go and die on me! I’ll go back to the Council, see if I don’t—”

“PUT ME DOWN I HATE YOU PUT ME DOWN,” Janna was yelling at the top of her lungs, attracting the attention of absolutely everyone in the bar. Ripper was literally never going to be able to come back here. He had been flirting with that lovely barmaid, Olivia, and now he was never going to be able to see her again, because stupid Janna had somehow managed to get someone to buy her alcohol in the ten minutes he’d spent looking away from her. “I’M GONNA BITE YOUR EAR OFF YOU DICKWEED—”

“Alright, Ripper?” said Olivia, who was watching him with the same amused look that Ethan had gotten when Ripper had walked directly into a lamppost and tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. “Didn’t know you had a kid sister—”

“I’M NOT HIS SISTER!!!!!” shrieked Janna, who always seemed to get disproportionately upset whenever anyone made that assumption. Ripper felt certain his ears were bleeding. “PUT ME DOWN—!”

Entirely losing his patience, Ripper dropped Janna directly on the floor. She fell with an unpleasant-sounding thud and abruptly stopped shouting, at which point he realized that dropping a particularly tiny fifteen-year-old six feet without warning probably wasn’t a good idea. “…Janna?” he said, well aware that most of the people in the bar were giving him dirty looks.

Janna pulled herself into a sitting position with great effort, pushing her hair out of her face with one hand before going back to cradling her arm. She didn’t say anything, just bit her lip and looked angrily down at the floor. Tears were collecting in her eyes.

Oh, Christ. Dropping a fifteen-year-old girl on the floor was a bit different than dropping one of your mates on the floor. Ripper really hadn’t thought this one through. “Janna,” he said, very tentatively, and knelt down next to her on the floor.

“Leave me alone to die,” said Janna tearfully. “Less trouble for you, right?”

“I’m not – ghhh,” said Ripper. “Let’s go, all right? We’ll talk about this outside.”

“I don’t want to leave,” said Janna. “My entire life is terrible and stupid and I want to stay here forever, so leave me alone.”

“Look, I—” Ripper reached out, tempted to place a hand on Janna’s shoulder, and thought better of it. She’d probably bite off his arm or something. “C’mon, Jaybird,” he finally said. “For me?”

Janna sniffled. “You don’t even like me!”

Ah. A strange, terrifying feeling rose in Ripper’s chest – the sort of thing that usually stopped him from saying anything nice to anyone who’d found a place in his heart. But Janna was still very resolutely not looking at him, in that way that meant that she’d probably gotten quite used to hearing things much worse than Ripper’s frustrated griping, and it suddenly felt imperative to tell her something true.

“You’re fucking exhausting,” he said. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”

“Don’t try and be nice to me just ‘cause I’m crying and you probably broke my arm,” snapped Janna.

“I didn’t – fuck’s sake, Janna, what do you want me to say?” Ripper shot back. “That you’re fuckin’ adorable and not half as punk as you think you are? Jesus—”

That got Janna to look at him. Eyes very wide, she said, “Y-you think I’m—”

“You can’t be punk when you’re fifteen and clinging to the back of my jacket every time you get startled by a motorcycle,” said Ripper. “At a motorcycle race.”

“—adorable?”

Obviously Ripper thought Janna was adorable. Janna carried a switchblade around and had once accidentally cut herself on it because she still didn’t know how to use it. She was a tiny anarchist and keeping her out of trouble was exhausting, but it was hard not to like a kid who was easily smarter than Randall and Phil combined. He still didn’t entirely know how to handle kids, though, and calling a kid with a switchblade adorable seemed condescending enough to get himself stabbed, so he settled with, “You are going to fuckin’ murder some guy when you grow up, Jay.”

(He meant it in the literal sense, and was not at all sure why Janna went bright pink.)

 ~~

“Oh my god,” said Jenny, five years later. “Do you remember – Giles. Do you remember that one time you tried to carry me out of a bar and almost broke my arm?”

“To some degree,” said Giles uneasily. It was certainly hard to imagine tossing Jenny around like that now, and not just because he was no longer a complete idiot. At fifteen, she’d been a scrappy little thing, unmistakably a child – and they’d parted ways long before she’d entered any awkward adolescent phase. At twenty – well.

“I should totally apologize for how much trouble I put you through,” said Jenny with a laugh. “I mean, I should. I don’t think I’m gonna. The things you were getting up to at the time, I’m surprised you were so bad at handling a fifteen-year-old with a crush.”

“I may have been summoning demons, but it wasn’t as though I was heartless,” said Giles indignantly. “I took the responsibility of looking out for you very s—I’m sorry, a fifteen-year-old with a crush?”

Jenny blinked. Very slowly, she said, “You would have had to have been a complete dunce to have missed the kind of crush I had on you five years ago.”

“A crush,” said Giles again.

“Like, we’re talking Watchers’ Council levels of incompetence.”

“You had a – who did you have a crush on?”

“It is taking everything in me not to start laughing at you right now. I really need you to know that.” Eyes sparkling, Jenny took a sip of wine. “God. I felt so certain I was obvious and you were just – I don’t know. Humoring me, or something. You really had no idea?”

“The kind of crush you had on me,” Giles repeated dazedly.

“I’ll give you a minute, sweetie,” said Jenny, and patted his forearm. Her fingertips grazed his skin as she pulled her hand away, sending an electric jolt up his spine. “But really. How oblivious do you have to be? Someone in close proximity to you who can barely speak when you even bring up the concept of romance, and you’re just like – oh, wow, they obviously see me as a friend?”

“…oblivious,” echoed Giles, who had very possibly lost all ability for critical thought.

“I can guarantee you,” said Jenny, “when I have someone interested in me like that, I am gonna notice it. You bet I will.”

[immacaria]

Xichengclipse - Day 5 - Archery

Okay, Jiang Cheng didn't expect to actually pass his birthday working, imagine without anyone from his family to celebrate it with him. It wasn't like that time were his students made a surprise to him. No, in that time he had just arrived in the building when one of them (one of the ones who actually cared for him) smiled and wished him a happy birthday right after giving him a small package, Jiang Cheng couldn't help but feel his eyes water a little. The said student was scared the shit out of her skin when she saw the professor's reaction, but hugged without fear of being shouted at. 

"Thank you." Jiang Cheng smiled, sniffing a little. "It was very kind of you."

"Hey, it was a pleasure Mr. Jiang. It's not like you don't deserve it." The girl smiled, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. "You are, like, one of the only ones who seems to care." She breathed deep before opening her arms another time. "Can I ask for another hug?”

"Whenever you need it, Ms. White." He smiled as she hugged him one more time before running down the aisle as the sign went off. "That kid, I swear..." Jiang Cheng smiled, opening the door to his class. "What the actual hell?" He almost yelled, holding the door. 

"Happy Birthday!" All of his class yelled, holding balloons, presents and a lot of things that exploded in millions pieces of shiny paper. "We love you!"

"What the hell?" He backed up as incoherent noises leaved the mouths of that little fuckers as his mouth fell a little open. "Shut up!"

"But we love you!" One of them screamed exploding one of that hellish things.

"Stop it!" Jiang Cheng screamed back as a kid came running and hugged him, murmuring that he loved him and was proud of him. "What the hell?"

"Why didn't you said that today was your birthday?" Another girl cried, hugging him too.  "We would made something bigger."

"How the hell did you discovered it?" He asked, hugging them back instinctively. 

"We asked in the secretary!" One of them smiled, holding a cake with a "Happy Birthday" candle. 

"You could have asked me!" He cried as more students came to hug him. He even heard a loud "Fuck you!" as someone ran and hugged him from behind. Holy hell, if it was on his home, none of his students would make something like that. Sincerely, he didn't deserve that kids, they were too much. "I love you all so much!" He sniffed pulling the teens behind him for the front as he tried to reach for them all. They cried a little more and he could swear that more of that hellish things were exploded, already making the mess messier. But he loved that kids too much! 

 After that, he didn't gave any class that day, simply wanting to hear what they did in the weekend or how their day was going until the moment. He even let Ms. White blabber around about her sister's new project, something to do with shoes, paint and Studios Ghibli. Truly, it was one of his best birthdays since always, but it was a year ago and he was stuck in home, preparing class for the very next day. 

  "May the gods help me..." Jiang Cheng groaned, getting up for another cup of coffee. "At the least it won't take long anymore." He sighed, resting his eyes for a moment. "Just some more minutes..." He whispered, finding it harder and harder to open his eyes once again. "Already, let's go." He opened them, finding strength on the gods know what.

 And finally, finally, he finished all of his work. He simply let his body relax on the chair, just breathing deep and letting his mind turn off for a moment. Even though he didn’t celebrate his anniversary with his family (or, the gods forbidden, his students again), Yanli and Wei Wuxian had in fact send him ‘good wishes’ messages and even made a videocall with him. Most of his students from that day send messages, videos of the entire family thanking Jiang Cheng for being who he was, some called him or made a videocall, but the best of everything was when Ms. White and some of of her closest friends arrived there with cake, balloons, soda and that hellish things that explode in million pieces. But that was early and, now, he just wanted to lay down and sleep for three days. 

  However, the universe wanted to make him suffer and rang his alarm just four hours later, warning that he still had a lot of stupid and screaming teens to teach. Gods, why did he choose that career? Why not just become a businessman like his father and brother? Why? Why? Why? He knew why, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it yet. Maybe the reason had something to do with making the new adults less scarred in their early life, maybe he didn’t want people to suffer like he did, maybe he just wanted to help people like once he needed help. 

  Still, it didn’t have nothing to do with archery!

“Why do I have to go, anyway?” He looked to the sea of adolescents staring at him, expectantly. “It’s Ms. Irving’s idea to go to archery, I have nothing to do with that!”

  “But she’s old! And doesn’t know how to shoot an arrow!” One of the boys next to him groaned. “Besides, she can’t take care of almost sixty students. Please, Mr. Jiang, please!” He pleaded, grabbing his arm. Oh, Gods! Why me?, Jiang Cheng groaned before nodding. 

  “Okay, let’s go!” He sighed, turning around. “Let’s go, people. I have class to give later.” He began to walk as all of the students started to scream and howl with full force. “Shut up before I break your legs!” He screamed over the noise, leading them out of the building. Whose idea was letting sixty teens play around with bows and arrows for a class? It could be just Ms. Irving’s idea to let that happen, that old and crazy woman who didn’t knew a fucking thing about her student’s safety. 

“Mr. Jiang! What a pleasure!” An old and small woman with big glasses and short colorful hair smiled to him. “I didn’t believe that this sweethearts would convince you to come with us.” Ms. Irving said, clapping her hands together. “Let’s go, cute beans. Let’s go before he changes his mind.” She joked, getting on the bus. Jiang Cheng sighed following her as the youngers hopped in, smiling like mad mans. 

  “Uhm, Ms. Irving…” Jiang Cheng called, touching her shoulder lightly. 

  “Call me Adalind, sweet.” She corrected, patting his hand. “What is it?”

  “Why did you ask them to call me?” Jiang Cheng whispered, looking down at his feet. “I mean, I have nothing to do with your History class, Adalind. I teach Literature.”

“Cheng, can I call you Cheng?” She asked, receiving only an affirmative nod back. “Cheng, yesterday was your birthday. This is your present, from us to you.” She smiled once more, before adding. “They said that you commented that one of the things you most missed being able to do was doing archery, so here we go.” Adaling nudged at his side before turning to speak to the driver. Really? They remembered this? Awesome!, he turned to smile at the teens talking loudly with each other. Maybe they aren’t so bad after all, he thought scrolling through his phone. 

___________________________________________________________________

There they were, at the archery camp, and Mr. Johnson managed to almost shot Ms. White feet twice already. Sincerely, even if they were awesome, Jiang Cheng didn’t deserve this. Not even close. Why me?, he thought by the millionth time of the day. Why it has to be me to take care of this children?, he groaned, looking over to Ms. Irving, who were sitting and enjoying the sun. Lucky woman., he sighed, turning to the others teens who were accompanied by some instructors. At least they are okay., he yawned, seeing the only two who had a history with archery staring at him.  

“What?” He adjusted his sunglasses on his face, scowling at them. 

  “Why there is a man staring at you?” The boy asked, looking over his shoulder as the girl pulled the bow from his hands. 

  “We’re going to discover pretty soon.” She said as Jiang Cheng turned around, seeing a man in a white suit along with four children looking at them. That couldn’t be him, he said he was going to be in French this week., he narrowed his eyes trying to decide if it was in fact his husband and his ducklings. Fuck!, he thought, spinning around to stop his students.

  “Amelia, wait!” He called out, as she let the arrow go. “Shit!” He looked over to Huan, who pulled Lan Yuan next to him as the arrow stopped were the boy’s feet were. “I know him! It’s my husband!” Jiang Cheng turned to her, pulling the bow from her hands. “And you can’t shoot arrows at people like that!” He warned, turning to look at Lan Huan who was laughing out loud. What the hell is he laughing about?, he thought, furrowing his eyebrows at the approaching man. 

  "You are married, sir?" Mr. Johnson asked, mouth feeling open with surprise. "Actually married? Fucking Christ!"

  "A-Cheng!" Lan Huan smiled to him, Lan Jingyi in his arms while Jin Ling, Lan Yuan and Ouyang Zizhen were around him, the arrow in Yuan's hands. "Hello!" He smiled to the teens behind him.

  "Willow, Mr. Jiang is married!" Amelia screamed to a redhead. "And he have four boys! Four!" She raised four fingers, shaking them vigorously. "Look!" She pointed at them as sixty kids turned to look too, eyes wide. 

  "Oh, fucking shit!" Jiang Cheng groaned, hiding his face on Huan's shoulders. "Go back to your bows, kids! Now!" 

  "You are married?!" Willow screamed, pushing her instructor aside. "And you have kids? Four above it all?" She yelled, waving her arms around. "Why would you betray me like that?" She cried, hugging herself.

  "Excuse me?!" Jiang Cheng looked back at her as Amelia said:

  "Excuse you?" And the only thing Huan seemed like doing was laugh and make things even worse. 

  "I'm married to Lan Huan for almost four years now! And just one of this kids are mine!" He groaned as Lan Huan put Lan Jingyi down. "Hello, pumpkin." He smiled to his son, who came hug him. 

  "Yes, sweets, I'm his idiot, forever." Lan Huan smiled, sickeningly sweet, as lifting the hand with the wedding ring. "So, no more love letters, okay, Willow dear?" He added, making the teens laugh. 

  "Huan, they are kids." The professor snapped, hitting his husband on the shoulder. "Besides, it isn't forever. It's 'until death separate us'. Plus, you are not a total idiot, you have your moments of idiocy."

  "A-Cheng is so innocent. Bold of you to assume death can save you from this relantioship." The Lan smiled as the other huffed at him.  "C'mon, A-Yi, let Baba work now, okay? Go play with A-Ling, A-Yuan and A-Zhen, okay?" He pushed the kid away lightly, amused. He turned to his husband, startling himself when, out of nowhere, sixty kids were surrounding him. “Uhm? A-Cheng?”  

 “How can you be sure that you are, in fact, Cheng’s husband?” A old lady said, growling at him as Jiang Cheng only shrugged, unimpressed. 

 “He doesn’t even wear a wedding ring!” Amelia said, pointing another arrow at him.  

 “Guys! You are being irrational!” Another girl said, pulling Amelia’s wrist. “Lia, please! Mr. Jiang said that this, uhm, man is his husband and that they have a kid together!”

   “This Lan Huan can be blackmailing Mr. Jiang…” She added slowly. 

  “Jiujiu, you promised!” Jin Ling screamed, coming running to his uncle. “Down, down!” He pulled him down, shoving a hand into his shirt. “Here!” He pulled a silver string with a gold wedding ring adorned with little details in white, light-blue and purple. Just like Lan Huan’s. “Jiujiu always forgot to put it back when he took a bath, so he put it on a string!” The boy looked proud of finding the silver string. “It was my idea.”  

 “Okay, okay. I’m working, you can’t be here. How did you knew I was here?” Jiang Cheng asked, lifting Jin Ling up before giving him to his husband. “And I have kids to defrost now too.” 

 “I followed your phone.” Lan Huan answered as Willow whined and whispered: 

 “You really betrayed me, Mr. Jiang!” 

  “He was never yours, bitch!” Amelia screamed at the redhead, realizing the arrow, which missed Lan Huan’s feet by millimeters. “Someone take this fucking thing from me…” She whispered, a little terrified.  

 “Go home, now. I will deal with you later.” He turned to the other three kids who were running around. “You three, come here, please!” He called, kneeling in front of them. “Give me a kiss and take Lan Huan away, I can’t deal with him right now.” The Jiang explained, kissing their heads.  

 “Yes, sir!” Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen said as Lan Yuan just nodded, running to pull the older man away.  

 “A kiss to A-Ling too.” Jin Ling said, extending his arms to his Jiujiu. 

 “And A-Huan too.” Lan Huan smiled as Jiang Cheng gave a kiss at the kid’s head.

  “You don’t deserve it.” He glared at him, turning around. “Already, infants, back to your classes.” He scowled, crossing his arms as Lan Huan whined behind him, the kids pulling him away. If Jiang Cheng fought a grin, only him (and Ms. Irving knew).

________________________________________________________________ 

 “So, you actually never told them you were married in this almost three years you were teaching?” Lan Huan asked, petting Jiang Cheng’s hair.   

“Never occurred to me that they need to know that I had a husband and a family.” Jiang Cheng scowled, closing his eyes at the small chuckle his husband give. “Weren’t you supposed to be in French this week?”  

“A-Zhan resolved it for me. We have four whole months before I have to travel again.” He answered, giving small smooches at the younger’s head.   

“I don’t know if I can endure you for all this time…” He joked.  

 “A-Cheng!” Huan said, covering the other with his own body. “Don’t make me suffer like that.” He smiled, nipping at his husband’s neck.  

 “A-A-Huan, the kids…” Jiang Cheng whined, his hands darting to the other’s shoulders. 

 “Are sleeping, my heart.” He looked to the younger’s flushed face, eyes dark with lust. “My heart, my light, my Cheng, mine, mine, mine.” Lan Huan whispered, his mouth kissing Jiang Cheng’s chest. “So beautiful to me, so kind to me…” He grinned at the little moans and whimpers coming from the man below. “Let me show you your birthday present, my love.” Lan Huan muttered, before capturing the other’s lips, swallowing his moans. Whether or not, Jiang Cheng given in to Lan Huan’s desire only them knew.

________________________________________________________________ 

So, in this AU, Jiang Cheng is living in another country with Lan Xichen and Lan Jingyi. As it is a modern AU, I used only they birth names in this fic. Jiang Cheng have a good relantionship with his family but still prefer to live where he’s now (he loves his students too much, shh don’t tell anyone). This is for the @xichengclipse

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[burgess698]

Am I Ordained To Marry?

One standard requesting people position to us during training is on the off chance that they are assigned to marry. Scarcely any weeks sooner, a sister progressed toward me to ask regarding if she was alloted to marry. I approached regarding for what legitimate explanation she suspected so a ton. She conveyed, her pastor set them up that it is written in Matthew 19:12 that few individuals were made to be eunuchs and in light of everything, only one out of each odd individual is depended on to marry. Moreover, in the end she was worried by virtue of the diagram of disappointments she had experienced in her affiliations. Right when I saw whether they were comparably arranged how to isolate between the two get-togethers she said that was the explanation she came to ask me. I said she should have gone to her priest to ask regardless she said she would not considering how they were more amped up for the measure of spirits they had won to Christ than their own arrangements Ordination certificate .

Her enthusiastic refusal to go to her pastor for counsel was a verifiable sign that she had encountered a few bits of disappointment. I don't have the foggiest thought the measure of people are in an equal condition today. All I know is that someone will be freed from this bondage today.

Before I region the middle issue, let me uncover to you that Christianity is a sensible relationship. The very God that says he that wins a soul is skilled in like manner says marriage should be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept unadulterated, for God will censure the reprobate and all the expressly off-base, (Hebrew 13:4 NIV). The appearing of holding down make adults in house of prayer from marriage since you would uphold not to lose them to various splendid places or redirect them from agreeably captivating in refuge movement is lopsided and vomited for the improvement you need. Marriage is an honor before God. It gives miracle to God. Anyone that prerequisites to marry should be asked before they begin to challenge themselves obviously under your establishment.

My course is that while mentioning that they continue winning spirits they should in like manner be guided on the right strategy to find the right kind of life colleague and the right technique to marry. Urge them to let their marriage become at any rate a to the social occasion rather than short. If no one anyway you could look after 1,000 spirits, let you and your assistant partake in relationship with search after 10,000 spirits.

Matthew 19:12 says: '' For there are some eunuchs, who were so considered from their mother's waist: and there are some eunuchs, who were made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the achievement of the space of paradise. He that can get it let him get it.''

The above favored framing clearly portrays the three classes of eunuchs. Our place of supplement here will be on those considered eunuchs from their mothers' stomach. The other two are those obliged into it and those that injury up being so by their choice.

Unequivocally when God made man in His image and similarity, He declared that he should go into the world and increase. That affirmation is for you and me. The rule maintained way to deal with oversee achieve this advancement is to marry really and keep the private bed heavenly. You needn't play with an extraordinary master to mumble into your ears that the open entryway has appeared at marry. The standards are there in the book of sanctified compositions. That isn't our fixation until extra warning at any rate.

Take model from Abraham, the father of conviction. He didn't need any longing to see whether his childhood Isaac, required a mate or not. All he required was head recognition drawn from the Word of God. God let him know during his consider that through him the earth will be populated with His new period of youngsters. He settled it in his mind to get a partner for Isaac to make that calling and reason happen precisely true to form. At the selected time, he sent his star, Eleazar to go to his individual to get a partner for Isaac. You know the rest of the story in Genesis section 24.

God engineered man with all the features expected to play out all that He anticipates that him should do on earth in addition a producer won't put his things in the business place without the inbuilt features to work. Signs of pubescence, sexual sentiments and strong interest towards the other sex are a few pointers that you are alloted to marry. Correctly when His due season is close, He begins to show His longings your spirit for ahead transmission to these sluggish sexual anticipated outcomes in you and suddenly you will mix to certain store toward that way. The brilliant book says, '' it is God who works in us both to will and to do of his excellent happiness'', Philippians 2:13. Marriage is one of the supportive things that give bliss to God. Unequivocally when you start feeling the inclination or capacity to get hitched just perceive God has begun this exceptional work in you. Anybody that has this affinity or need to marry is one of those God has alloted to marry. There's nothing more to it!

To change into an eunuch or to marry is your choice. God has given you the over the top decision to pick it. He won't pick or power any one on you. Witness Paul chose not to marry since he expected to use his life to serve God and not in light of the fact that God said he should not. His case should not change into a standard to prevent people from fulfilling God's inspiration for their lives. He even castigated anyone that can't suffer it to marry rather than burning-through in hurting. If you choose to continue with a presence of ideals or choose to marry as you have required, God is content with you. Set forth an endeavor not to allow past frustrations weaken you or make you start feeling that it is conceivable that you are among the picked eunuchs. You are allocated! If things are not working incredibly, find what you have not been progressing agreeably, keep changing and working on yourself so God can connect you with the right kind of mate.

In any case, it doesn't mean you should race into anyone since God has willed it so for you. There is period to find the right kind of life partner and there is the ideal open door for planning. My stake here is to disclose to you that these signs put you in the class God has decided to marry. You do have a spot with the get-together of those made eunuchs from their mother's stomach.

Watchmen should pay uncommon mind to these signs in their children and wards. Definitely when these signs begin to show up, it is an indication to watchmen to fire setting up their youths or wards for the going with an extraordinary time. Sadly, various guardians and gatekeepers around these adolescents don't routinely set them up on time, and from time to time they misdirect them through wrong information. We owe the pushing toward age this duty as watchmen. The people who miss the mark at this level of supporting reliably consider it contemplating the way that late lines take certifiable marvelous time.

Those made eunuchs from their mother's waist don't have and will never will in general get hitched considering the way that they don't have the features in them. I don't mean those debilitated by illness, contaminations and diseases like down conditions, torment or loss of improvement. These are sound and virile individuals who are threatening to the site of the other sexual course. They never have any kind finishes towards the other sex regardless, when they are both stripped in a secret room.

Whether or not we choose to marry, remain single or brought into the world debilitated, it doesn't make us rats or better before God. He recognizes we generally speaking also, at any rate it will fulfill Him to see us fulfill His longings for us. I have watched out for the issues before you. The onus is beginning at now on you to pick what you need. Teacher Paul chose not to marry since it was his choice. Evangelist Peter didn't separate from his venerated one considering God's work, yet God recalled that them all. Pick your case without assistance from some other person.

[animepopheart]

As the Spirit Moves You: How Studio Ghibli Films Leave Room for A Range of Religious Interpretations

Today’s guest post is by Kaitlyn Ugoretz, a PhD student in the Department of East Asian Languages and Cultural Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara whose research focuses on the globalization of Shinto through popular and digital media and the growth of online Shinto communities.

Since childhood, my life has been suffused with an appreciation for both anime and religion. Saturday mornings were dedicated to the weekly ritual of watching cartoons with my father (Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Sailor Moon, Mobile Suit Gundam Wing—if it was on Toonami or WB Kids, we watched it!), and Sunday mornings were spent listening to him preach the gospel as the minister of our small Presbyterian church.

As a child, I never really thought about how anime and religion might intersect, but all that changed after I watched Miyazaki Hayao’s Spirited Away. Something about the heroines, spirits, and grand narratives about relationships between humans and the environment spoke to me and inspired a fascination that continues to shape my adult life. And thanks to social media and blogs like Beneath the Tangles, I know that I’m far from alone in feeling that there is something deeper—something that goes beyond what we might think of as “mere” entertainment—to be found in many anime. Today, I study the variety of religious/spiritual responses to anime as a scholar of Japanese religion, popular culture, and digital media.

Ghibli—Global Giant

Shinkai Makoto’s 2017 blockbuster animated film Your Name has given Spirited Away a run for its money in the box office, but Miyazaki Hayao’s 2001 masterpiece reclaimed its status this past June as the highest grossing anime film in the world after its long-awaited release in China. Studio Ghibli has produced an impressive 10 out of the world’s top 50 highest grossing animated films, including beloved favorites My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, and Ponyo.

Box office earnings are not necessarily an indicator of the spiritual depth of Studio Ghibli’s films, but they do demonstrate their enduring global appeal. Scholars of Japanese religion and popular culture, most notably Jolyon Baraka Thomas and Katharine Buljan and Carole M. Cusack, have shown that Miyazaki Hayao and Isao Takahata’s anime films resonate with audiences from a wide range of religious and cultural backgrounds and even inspire religious responses.

What is it about Ghibli films that continues to capture the hearts of people from all walks of life and allows for such a diversity of religious interpretations? Considering how Miyazaki represents his filmic intentions, in addition to how scholars and different fan audiences have interpreted the meaning of Studio Ghibli films, I find that it is the mixture of familiar and foreign religious elements that inspire us to reexamine our own beliefs and seek out those messages that resonate with us.

Miyazaki’s Mixed Messages

What Miyazaki intended to communicate to his audience through his films? After all, he is well-known for addressing moral and social concerns, including adolescence, good and evil, humanity’s relationship with nature and technology, modern anxieties, and nostalgia for the past. Given his tendency to populate his fictional worlds with spirits or gods (typically referred to as kami in Japanese) and other supernatural creatures who are closely related with nature, like the river spirit in Spirited Away and the Forest Spirit in Princess Mononoke, Miyazaki is often asked whether his films are meant to foster Shinto beliefs.

Cleansed river spirit

Shishigami-sama, the Great Forest Spirit

Shinto is a difficult tradition to define, as it has meant different things to different people throughout history. Some classify Shinto as a religion with clear beliefs and practices, while others characterize it as an essential part of everyday life in Japan which can only be understood experientially. In any case, most can agree that—at its core—Shinto is a ritual tradition which centers on the worship of kami, divine entities that inhabit extra-ordinary natural phenomena and man-made objects and whose favor grants benefits to one’s life in this world.

While this definition may seem to suit Miyazaki’s films well, the creator himself explicitly rejects Shinto as the source of his inspiration. Miyazaki grew up in the midst of WWII and his understanding of Shinto is informed by the legacy of what scholars call “State Shinto,” the modern Japanese government’s takeover of Shinto shrine affairs in order to promote imperialist and nationalistic ideologies. The filmmaker has given ambiguous answers to the question of whether his films are influenced by religion. In one interview, Miyazaki elaborated:

Dogma inevitably will find corruption, and I’ve certainly never made religion a basis for my films. My own religion, if you can call it that, has no practice, no Bible, no saints, only a desire to keep certain places and my own self as pure and holy as possible. That kind of spirituality is very important to me. Obviously it’s an essential value that cannot help but manifest in my films.

Through his consistently vague characterization of his personal brand of spirituality, Miyazaki—like any masterful storyteller—leaves room for his audience to draw upon the rich imagery, relatable characters, and familiar themes to create their own meaningful interpretations.

Scholarly Interpretations

Scholars of religion and media have interpreted Miyazaki’s works from a number of theological perspectives. Some argue that the kami characters and environmental ethics which Miyazaki employs are clearly drawn from Shinto, despite his claims to the contrary. Others have offered Christian interpretations of Miyazaki’s films. For example, Prince Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke) and Princess Nausicaä (Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind) have been analyzed as messianic mediators between the profane and sinful realm of humanity and the sacred realm of Nature/Creation, as well as messengers of the gospel, promoting love and nonviolence.

Ashitaka goes into exile to restore harmony

Nausicaä is healed by the Ohm

Fan Interpretations

Scholars aren’t the only ones interested in the spiritual underpinnings of Ghibli films—fans around the world gather on- and offline to discuss their personal interpretations. These conversations are more than intellectual exercises; Thomas and Buljan and Cusack have shown that popular media like anime can inspire religious responses in audience members as well as entertain. That is, Ghibli films may influence viewers’ worldview and behavior, even if these viewers do not consider themselves to be religious. Thomas’s survey of Japanese fans shows that this influence may take many forms, such as a “belief in an immanent spiritual bond existing among all living things,” a pilgrimage to a special site like Yakushima forest (supposedly a source of inspiration for the sacred forest in Princess Mononoke), or a reenactment of the acorn-growing ritual portrayed in My Neighbor Totoro.

Erika Ogihara-Schuck examines how Miyazaki’s films have been translated into English and German in such a way as to secularize the spiritually-charged elements, referring to kami characters as “spirits” rather than “gods” and their powers as “magical” instead of “sacred” or “divine.” In some cases, this translation project has succeeded; some fans view Miyazaki’s films as ‘simply entertaining,’ while others read them as uncomfortably morally ambiguous, superstitious, or explicitly opposed to Christian theology. Still others in the Christian blogosphere—including contributors on sites such as Beneath the Tangles and Christ X Pop Culture—have found plenty of food for thought in Studio Ghibli films, prompting discussions of how anime narratives might productively challenge and affirm their core values as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Some audiences, as I have discovered in my own research, draw upon Studio Ghibli films as a source of Shinto spiritual instruction. In my study of the growth of predominantly non-Japanese online Shinto communities (OSCs) on social media, I find that anime plays an important role in the fostering of interest in Japanese religions, as well as participation in OSCs.

In interviews, surveys, and posts, several of the leading, active members of OSCs have noted that their early exposure to Ghibli films are what inspired their further study and adoption of Shinto. In community discussions, members share their interpretations of religious elements in anime. These conversations often focus on the relationship between humanity, kami, and nature and affirm the importance of moral character and gratitude. In similar fashion to other online religious communities, OSC members will comment on posts and keep the discussion going, negotiating interpretations, sharing links to blog posts and video clips which they find informative, and posing further questions.

In response to new members’ requests for more information about Shinto, each OSC has created its own list of recommended resources, which often include anime films and series in addition to books and blogs. As such, Studio Ghibli films like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke have become, in effect, ‘required reading’ for OSC members. In this way, Ghibli films function as an important introduction to Japanese spirituality—particularly Shinto—for international audiences and a resource for the construction of personal and community beliefs.

Language Games

How can Studio Ghibli films spark so many different religious responses and interpretations—Christian, Shinto, and otherwise? The answer lies with two key concepts: Jolyon Baraka Thomas’s theory of “playful religion” and Leonard Primiano’s theory of “vernacular religion.”

Thomas argues that the distinction we make between religion and   entertainment is artificial; entertainers can playfully use religious symbols to create an engaging story, and viewers can derive spiritual meaning from popular media, regardless of whether the creator intended for them to do so.

“Vernacular religion” refers to religion as it is lived—not what religious authorities say religion ‘should be,’ but how religious concepts are translated into a particular culture and actually practiced by people.

One way anime creators like Miyazaki manage to both entertain and inspire their audiences is to ‘play’ with the ‘languages’ of religion. These language games are a lot like playing Mad Libs. The storyteller chooses from among a variety of popular religious images and themes from different traditions—our collective religious vocabulary bank—and removes them from their original context. These religious elements are then recombined within a familiar narrative framework to create new images and stories that are compelling because they are both familiar and foreign to us. It is left up to each of us as audience members to make sense of these disassociated religious elements by translating them back into our own vernacular of faith.

Understanding this process of translation we all participate in as Studio Ghibli fans is important for two reasons. First, it reminds us that the meaning or significance of an anime is not defined by any one person’s vision, even that of its creator. No one has the ‘right’ answer. Our personal interpretations and those of others are just as meaningful, because they are grounded in our beliefs and thus have the power to affect the way we look at the world and live our lives. Second, the fact that the same images and themes can resonate with people of different faiths and backgrounds speaks to values we have in common, as well as a common desire to be spiritually engaged, as well as entertained, by the media we consume. Ultimately, the genius of Studio Ghibli films lies in their rich assemblage of religious symbols and grand narratives, which audience members are—if they are so inclined—free to interpret in a way that affirms their beliefs and feeds their soul.

Kaitlyn Ugoretz is a PK (Pastor’s Kid), anime fan, and PhD student in the Department of East Asian Languages and Cultural Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her research focuses on the globalization of Shinto through popular and digital media and the growth of online Shinto communities. Kaitlyn runs Digital Shinto, a site where anyone can learn about and participate in her ethnographic study of Shinto’s development outside of Japan.

—

Recommended Reading:

Buljan, Katherine and Carole M. Cusack. Anime, Religion, and Spirituality: Profane and Sacred Worlds in Contemporary Japan. Sheffield: Equinox Publishing Ltd., 2015.

Ogihara-Schuck, Erika. Miyazaki’s Animism Abroad: The Reception of Japanese Religious Themes in German and American Audiences. Jefferson, NC: McFarland & Company, Inc., 2014.

Park, Jin Kyu. “‘Creating My Own Cultural and Spiritual Bubble’: Case of Cultural Consumption By Spiritual Seeker Anime Fans.” Culture and Religion 6.3 (2005): 393-413.

Thomas, Jolyon Baraka. Drawing on Tradition: Manga, Anime, and Religion in Contemporary Japan. Honolulu, HI: University of Hawai’i Press, 2012.

[riverdamien]

Climbing the Stairs-Up and Down

The Stairway of Religious Trauma-Walking Up and Down!

"For I handed on to you as of first importance what I also received and in which you also stand that Christ died for our sins in accordance to the Scriptures; that he was buried; that he appeared to Cephas, then to the Twelve. After that, he seemed more than five hundred brothers and sisters at once.

"Jesus I often feel like I am lost in a swamp where there is no foothold, I float aimlessly, wounded and hungry. Nurse me with food of mercy even when I resist such nourishment. From the watering depths. I weep. Draw me out of the abyss, dry my wounds, and guide me to dry land" . . ., this is a prayer I often pray, when I find myself falling into the swamp of the trauma of religion through which I work, my own, and of my guys. There are days I am up on the stairs, others I am way down! No medication, or having tons of therapy as I have had, will fix that, it is living the questions!

In the last couple of days, there has been news from the United Methodist General Conference over the change in the laws concerning homosexuality, the laws which have split the denomination, and seeing them change is a hopeful sign. Still, the reality of my trauma, while coming from the United Methodist Church, and the trauma of my youth stems from the overall dogma of churches in general. The major denominations which have become open to queers, change their laws and appear to move on.

It is primarily because their leadership is straight. You give people rights, and everything is then okay, but the reality there are centuries of abuse and trauma left behind.

Like with all minority groups, unless you are a part of one, who has undergone discrimination, you truly do not understand. One can be an ally, and yet at night walk home and forget about where the other stands. One has to live it, to suffer it, to truly understand!

In the last couple of days, my trauma has been pricked, and I feel a lot of darkness, darkness over the "friends" and "family" I once had, and I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been raised as straight or in a way sexual identity was simply a part of life.  Like an alcoholic, I was almost 30 before coming out, and so stuck in my adolescence and acted like a fifteen-year-old.  I had to grow up.  It has been only in the last few years that I am no longer afraid, of the mistakes I have made, ones I still cry over, but more than anything related to myself is the darkness over the hundreds of people who have come through my ministry in the last thirty years, on the street and off, that religious groups have abused. I have sat with many who have cut their wrists, are so depressed, and have lives torn apart, all over the interpretation of a religious group's interpretation of the Bible, written two thousand years ago. I cry suffer, and go sleepless nights, remembering their pain, and where many wound up--on the streets, the morgue, living very lonely lives with really no understanding of themselves, hooked on drugs and alcohol.

Many throw the baby out with the bathwater when they throw the Church out of their lives they throw Jesus out as well,  but my relationship with Christ teaches me his way of love, Jesus is a real presence in my life, and as Desmond Tutu tells us  the heart of the teaching of Jesus, giving life is:

"We are each made for goodness and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths."

Reading comments regarding a new certificate in writing on a memoir,  Stanford had developed, one stood out, "I am  a good person, my life is boring, you have to live a dysfunctional life to be in this class." And I wondered and (LMAO) what is this person hiding from, because all of us are wounded, we all live in houses that have broken ceilings, and we all suffer.

It matters not what God, if any, one believes in, we are called to live with love and compassion. All else falls by the wayside when we do that! Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

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Fr. River Damien Sims, D.Min., D.S.T.,Director

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

www.temenos.org

425-305-2124

Please give: Pay pal, or check

[nerdygaymormon]

The Expanded Role of Youth in the Church

I was asked to speak to all the holders of the Aaronic & Melchizedek priesthood in my stake about all the changes the church has made in recent years to the youth programs. I’m putting a copy of the talk here for myself. 

Plus I felt inspired to say something about being gay. It wasn’t in my original plans but the spirit said “what’s the point of having you in church if you don’t address this? No one in that room can speak to it like you can”

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An Analogy

Tonight’s organist is Brother Bradshaw. Brother Bradshaw, how would you respond if you received this message:

Hi. I am David and I need to learn how to play the organ before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get organ lessons every week for the last 6 years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on other stuff. Now they want me to play a Toccata by Bach at their wedding anniversary on Saturday.

If you can teach me, be here tomorrow at 11:00 am with a keyboard. I am a fast learner so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly.

That’s a ridiculous letter, right? 6 years of lessons and practicing can’t be replicated in a single day. Such a shortcut is not available for someone to gain the knowledge and develop the skills to play the piano beautifully. This is also true of things like learning to speak a language, become an agile athlete, a competent & expressive dancer, or a proficient lawyer.  

Putting in consistent effort over time is what brings skills and knowledge. The church experience of our youth has been changing so as to use these teenage years as a time of growth and training in the gospel and in leadership.

If you’re a dad, you should know that the church experience for your sons & daughters is different than it was for you and me. They are being asked to be an active participant in their faith and their religious experience, not just observers. When they turn 18 and are adults, they’ll be prepared to make positive contributions.

Christ already has shown us He has confidence in teens to do great things. As a church we’re showing confidence in our teenagers.

Jesus works with teens

Joseph Smith

How old was Joseph Smith when he had a vision in which God & Jesus visited him? 14.

How old was Joseph when an angel named Moroni appeared and told him about the Book of Mormon and where to find it? 17.

How old was Joseph when he was allowed to begin translating the Book of Mormon and essentially begin his life’s ministry? 21.

How old were Jesus’ twelve apostles?

When Jesus began His ministry at age 30, He chose 12 disciples. We know a little about them. We know 4 of them were fishermen, 1 was a tax collector. 2 were brothers. While we don’t know exactly how old they were, we have some clues as to their ages. Have you ever thought about how old the original apostles were when Jesus called them?

The temple tax

In Exodus 30:14-15, we learn that Jewish law was that every man over the age of 20 is to pay a half-shekel when they visit the temple. In Matthew 17:24-27, when Jesus and His disciples were headed to the temple, Jesus instructed Peter to catch a fish in order to pay this tax. Peter finds a shekel in the mouth of the fish he catches; enough to pay the temple tax for two men. That’s all that this group would owe. It’s an indication that 11 of the disciples were under the age of 20.

They were unmarried

We know that Peter had a wife because Jesus healed his mother-in-law (Matthew 8:14-15). In those times, a Jewish man receives a wife after the age of 18. Again, no other disciples’ wives are mentioned. So Peter was likely the eldest of the 12 apostles and owed the temple tax.

The use of the term “little ones”

Several times in the New Testament (Matthew 11:25, Luke 10:21, and John 13:33) Jesus calls his disciples little children; this term of endearment makes more sense if they were half his age.

The zeal and folly of youth

If it’s true that they were mostly teenagers, some of their comments and actions make more sense and fit well with the zeal, energy and goofiness of adolescence.

Expanded role of youth in the church

The sun seems so huge and bright to us and it’s obvious to place it as the most greatest object in the heavens. However, we now have the technology to compare it to other stars and find that it’s not particularly large or hot or bright compared to others. Our sun doesn’t need to be like other stars, it’s good as it is in its circumstances, especially to us on earth.  

Like the stars, we’re not all the same and trying to force us all to be the same will not bring us real happiness or fulfill our purposes.

Over the past 7 years the church has been inspired to dramatically change the church experience for the youth. I love that it now allows for a customization of lessons, experiences and goals to help us become the best “stars” that we can be.

Come, Follow Me

When I was growing up, there was a manual and the leaders just followed it, did whatever the next lesson was and covered all the points made in the manual’s lesson.

A big change occurred in 2013 when the youth implemented the Come, Follow Me style of lessons. By way of comparison, the adults only got it this year.

Come, Follow Me meant no more manual, it’s all online. The youth presidencies are asked to choose which lessons would most benefit their class or quorum. And the lessons have multiple components for the person teaching to choose what parts to include.

Come, Follow Me encouraged the youth to start teaching. A 12-year-old could be invited to prepare and share part of the lesson, a 17-year-old might be responsible for the entire lesson.

Part of Come, Follow Me is that we study at home. This year we’ve been doing New Testament, next year will be Book of Mormon. We study at home and we share things we learned on Sunday, or at seminary.

Family History

The next big change for youth was Family History.

When I was growing up, genealogy was something old people did. They came to the family history library and scrolled through microfiche, recorded info onto paper forms that they turned in to the temple.

Things moved online and it was clear youth would be more comfortable in this environment. Youth were encouraged to do “indexing,” which is looking at old records and typing the information so these records can be searched electronically.

They also were asked to work on their own family history and find ancestors who need temple work done.

Temple

When I was a youth, we usually took 1 or 2 trips to the temple with our ward to do baptism work. The bishop went on those trips and brought a list of names of youth who were allowed to participate, basically a one-time group recommend. It was essentially the ONLY time teenagers could go to the temple.  

Today, teenagers can have their own temple recommend! Their recommend is good for a year and they can choose to go multiple times to the temple. This month in General Conference, President Nelson announced some changes in the temple recommend questions. Youth now get asked the same questions as the adults.

To get a temple recommend, we meet with a member of the bishopric and he asks us these questions. A change from when I was a youth is that we don’t have to go in alone to see the bishop, or any other leader. This past Thursday I accompanied a friend when they met with their stake president. I wish more people felt comfortable doing this, asking someone to come along.

If you’re in an interview and anything said is making you feel uncomfortable, it is perfectly fine to ask if he should be asking about that or to ask if you could invite another adult to join you. Having someone else there is for your benefit, and it also protects the bishop. It’s a good practice.  

When I was a teen and went on ward trips to do baptisms, the temple provided the names of people for us to do their work. Today, youth are encouraged to do temple work for their own ancestors and can bring the names they find while doing family history work.

When I was a teenager, the only thing I could do at the temple was be baptized and be confirmed. Today someone who is a priest can baptize others. Any person with a recommend, including youth, can serve as witnesses.

Ministering

A few years ago we replaced Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching with Ministerng. The young men & young women are invited to participate. They have a role to play. Their presence makes a difference.  

Age

It’s been many decades since the Church last jiggered with the ages for when people could be put in the different offices of the priesthood. This year a change took place, we might even have an 11-year-old here tonight with us. A year ago everyone would’ve been 12 or older.

Missionaries

It used to be that to serve a mission, young men had to be age 19 and young women age 21. A few years ago that changed. Young men have the option of starting a mission at age 18 and the young women at age 19. Let me emphasize, this is an option, some people do better with a year or two of life experience out of high school. But this younger age is a testament to the preparation that today’s youth are receiving.

Some important changes in the mission experience has occurred. Sister missionaries get to be leaders, that wasn’t the case when I served.

When I was a missionary, I was allowed to make 2 phone calls home per year. Now missionaries can skype home each week. That’s a huge blessing for them and for their families. I’m actually jealous of that. And why do they get to call home? Because they have a positive impact on their families.

Not everyone is able to serve a traditional proselyting mission, and that’s okay. There’s plenty of opportunities to serve and now Service Missions are available. These can be customized to fit the capabilities of the missionary. It’s wonderful that more faithful members are able to serve and receive the blessings of dedicating their time to the Lord.

Duty to God and Personal Progress

At the end of the year Duty to God and Personal Progress are being retired. The new program is youth will choose their own goals to work towards in 4 areas:  Spiritual, Social, Physical and Intellectual. This allows for customization for where each youth is at and what their interests are.

Also, Boy Scouts isn’t the official mid-week activity for young men. Now we have flexibility to plan activities that can meet the needs & interests of the young men.

Presidencies

I have a story, when I was a teenager, we got a new quorum president. The leaders explained that he held the priesthood keys for the quorum and the adults were there to help him. This new president said, “So I’m in charge? Okay, then we’re done with Scouting. Who votes of favor of ditching Scouts?” All the young men voted to end it. The leaders stepped in and said, this isn’t how it works. They would continue planning our Scouting activities and teaching the lessons on Sunday.

On paper the quorum president was in charge, but in reality it was the Young Men Presidency. The adults decided everything of any importance.

Guess what? President Nelson in General Conference announced no more ward young men presidencies, they will all be released by the end of the year. So who is responsible for the young men? The young men & the bishopric.

What does this mean?

In presidency meeting the bishopric trains and mentors the quorum presidency. The young men will learn about their responsibilities and be coached in how to be better at them.

They’ll review the purpose of a quorum, such as teaching, doing service, building unity and spreading the gospel. And they’ll plan activities related to these things.

The presidency will discuss each member of the quorum. They can discuss what is going on in the lives of the quorum members, what their interests are, things they struggle with.

With this in mind, the presidency chooses the lessons that the quorum or class will study on Sundays, and plans mid-week activities. The adults will help the young men think through the details of planning activities, what needs to be done, making assignments, and so on.

The ward young women presidency isn’t being eliminated, but they will follow the same model as the young men with the bishopric

Conclusion

At baptism we covenanted to take Christ's name upon us. Part of that is building community with other believers, and also doing things that Christ would do. That includes looking out for others, seeking to lift the burdens of others.

There are many circumstances we can be aware of and adjust our lessons & activities to accommodate them. I’ll give you two examples.

If we have someone who’s on the autism spectrum in our quorum and they’re sensitive to loud noise, we need to be mindful of that as we plan our activities, we don’t want to exclude them or cause them stress. 

Most of you know I’m gay, if you know a member of the class is gay, give them a heads up about a lesson or activity that revolves around dating & celestial marriage, trust me that this is likely a sensitive subject for them. It gives them the choice to participate or avoid what could be a hard time.

We need to make sure our youth know they are loved, they are heard and seen, they are understood. The focus of our youth program is meeting the needs of the youth so they can grow in the gospel in a way that works for them.

A lot is being asked of our teens

Over the past decade, more is asked of teenagers in the church and they are showing they are capable. Jesus showed faith in youth, we are following His example in giving youth more opportunities to lead, teach and develop their abilities.

Testimony

I’ve been fortunate to have involvement with the youth of our stake over the past 7 years. 3 years were as a member of the stake young men presidency and 4 just because they keep inviting me to participate in youth conferences, mini-MTC’s, dances, and so on.

I have found this generation to be remarkable in several ways.

They are far more tolerant. They accept others and allow people to express differences in how their appearance and dress. They are much better at inclusion than my generation.

They are service oriented. They like doing service and seek out opportunities. They would much rather go and do good in the world than sit in a class hearing about doing good in the world. They are more conscious that there are people with needs who they can assist.

They can tell when someone is fake, they highly value trust and authenticity.  

They have the potential for greatness. There is plenty of work to do in the Lord’s kingdom and they’re capable of joining in the work. Serving them and serving with them has strengthened my testimony.

[adsosfraser]

The Stone’s Toll - Chapter Eight

Read on AO3

“Tante Jenny! There is a rider near the gate!” Fergus shouted through the front doorway and sprinted away.

His dirk was poised in his grasp, ready to protect against any danger. The mule sauntered through the archway and snorted when its rider pulled against the reins to stop. 

 Claire slid off the horse and slammed into Fergus almost immediately. She gathered his body up against hers into a hug and rested her chin over the small curls that were growing even longer than before atop his head. 

“M-milady?” He stared, dumbfounded at the sight. 

 “Oh my Fergus, I’ve missed you so much my darling boy.” She smoothed the hair at the back of his head. Her tears fell unbidden into the little brown waves and began to soak through his hair like a steady rainfall. Fergus didn’t mind, he was also soaking her dress with his own tears. 

 “You have been restored maman.” He stated, still shocked. It didn’t pass her notice what he called her.

 “I love you mon fils. Let me look at you.” She pulled back slightly from the embrace to hold onto his cheeks with her hands. She brushed the hair that was on his forehead back and noticed the subtle changes of the boy. The bones of his face were slightly more defined and he had lost more of the roundness associated with adolescence. She even spotted two hairs on his upper lip that were darker and thicker than the soft downy hairs of the rest of his face. It would be years until it would fully develop into a beard, but she could tell what a handsome man Fergus would be. He just needed to do some more growing.

 She slowly noticed the pallor of his face and the dark purple and red hues under his eyes. The way the flesh of his bone was practically nonexistent. He clearly wasn’t getting substantial meals these days. She placed the back of her hand against his forehead again and her heart skipped in fear at the blazing temperature of it. 

 “Dear God, Fergus, you're burning up.”

 “Do not worry Milady. It’s only the winter sickness.” 

 There was a bulk inside the sleeve of his shirt and she pulled back the fabric to see Jenny’s attempt to bandage him. A long deep gash split through the skin of his inner arm. The skin around the wound was red and swollen, and she could see the tell tale signs of infection from the puss oozing from the centre.

 “What on earth happened to you Fergus?” 

 “Tis simply a scratch, Milady, dinna fash.” He tried to mimic his Scottish family’s accent, and if Claire’s concern wasn’t in overdrive at the moment, she would have laughed at how cute the boy was. “Milord said I was a brave lad that day. And braw.” He beamed with confidence and pride.

 “I’m sure you were.” She hugged him tight into her side. “Come inside, I need to examine your wound.” 

 “Fergus what stray ha’ ye brought in today? We dinna need more mouths to feed, especially wi’ young Jamie in his sickbed now too.” Jenny called around the corner of the kitchen, fixated on chopping the potatoes for supper. 

 “Auntie, Milady has returned to us.” He beamed, leading her inside on his arm. “I always told you she would.”

 The knife Jenny was holding clattered onto the floor. She crossed herself as all the colour drained from her cheeks. 

 “Blessed Michael defend us.” Her hand clutched at her heart. 

 “Jenny- I.” What words could she possibly say now? “It’s so good seeing you again.” She stared down where Jenny was protectively holding her middle. “A fourth?” 

 “Thank Christ yer here. We dinna have time to waste.” And without a single inquiry over her return, Jenny dragged her up the stairs to the children’s room. 

 The children were all tucked tightly into their beds. Wee Kitty gurgled in her Bassinet. Her small breaths were interrupted by sharp whimpers of pain. Claire’s heart fell at the somber scene before her. 

 “Ian?”

 “That useless, floppy-haired nonce can bide.” 

 “Fergus go fetch some water to boil, and lots of clean cloth. Do we have deer or chicken bone to boil?”

 “Aye.”

 “Great, can you make a broth out of it with whatever vegetables we have? Oh and um-” Her brain paused, racking her memory for the proper words. “Garlic or Rosemary too. They won’t be able to stomach any solid foods for a while, so they’ll need to sip on broth to keep their strength up.” 

 Jenny left for the door but paused near Claire. She squeezed her shoulder. “I dinna ken how yer here, or where ye’ve been these past months, but I am glad to have ye back. Just know I’m going to have some choice words wi’ ye once they all heal.”

 “I’d imagine you would.” Claire smiled brightly and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I missed you too Jenny.”

 Once she had situated the children in the sick room. She brought Fergus along with her to inspect the gash across his arm. 

 “You never did tell me.” 

 “It was a bayonet, from a redcoat. I was holding wee Kitty and they thought she was a sack of grain so they lunged for me. I protected her maman.” He grinned with pride at the memory. 

 “Oh God, Fergus.” She embraced him, careful of his arm. “Though that never should have happened, I’m proud of what you did. My brave boy.” She patted his hair affectionately. “How long ago were they here?”

 “Less than a fortnight maman. A week after they were gone, les enfantés were struck with la petite vérole.” 

 “Those bastards!” They had not only brought fear, pain, and strife into her home- Jenny’s home, she corrected herself, they had brought their disease as well and the threat that carried. 

 She returned her attention to his arm and carefully cleansed it. Jenny had brought alcohol down for her and she told Fergus to be prepared for the sting. He assured her he wasn’t afraid. With the puss and dried blood removed, she carefully poked around the wound. Claire asked if any of it was painful but he immediately gritted out a non. It wasn’t healing on its own and she was concerned. She couldn’t stitch it up with the infection she assumed was waging a war inside it, so all she could do was wrap it in clean cloth every few hours with garlic paste. When Claire went up to the Laird’s room to check on Ian, her breath quickened and her hands became slick with sweat. Ian insisted he didn’t need any coddling and he didn’t want to see his wife up there until he was healthy. Jenny and her worked simultaneously together to heal young Jamie, Maggie, Kitty, their father, and Fergus. They were thankful for the snow to help bring down fever, but also cursed the season for bringing sickness in the first place. Ian sprang back instantly and returned to work on the farm the next morning. Maggie and Kitty were worried for the scars left by the smallpox lesions, but Claire assured them they wouldn’t be terrible. It had spared their faces, and only a small amount of red dots lined their arms. Jamie was proud to add more scars onto his list, and proud to say he fought the monster and won.

 When her nephew and niece's fevers began to break, Fergus took a turn for the worse. She had prayed that the smallpox would pass over him, but it came back with a vengeance. The infection from the bayonet wound and the virus coupled together, left Claire severely worried. 

 She worked tirelessly with Jenny by her side. Never once did she leave Fergus’ room and her sister had begun to worry about her as she simply stared blankly off towards the wall clutching the sickly boy’s hand in hers. Jenny had found her in such a state many times, as if her mind wandered off but she didn’t want to bring it up. When no one was looking, Claire would open the small case of vials and a syringe from her leather travel bag. Fergus didn’t notice the slight pinch of the needle to his rear and grumbled no complaint to her in his delirious state. The Reverend couldn’t smuggle much medicine, most of what he pilfered was what had been discarded behind the hospital in a dumpster. But this small amount of penicillin he had managed, made Claire want to reach out through the veil of time and kiss him in thanks. 

 The infection was healing nicely, but there was still the smallpox coursing through his body. With his body pulled between fighting two foreign enemies, his energy was quickly fading into a weakened state. 

 “Claire, it’s time. We have the certificate ready. I’ve sent the priest down from the kirk to-”

 “No! I will not give up on my son!” She yelled with such ferocity, that Jenny stumbled back a few steps. None of the anger seeped through to the limp hand of Fergus that she was holding, and she kissed it gently while her body shook with rage at the suggestion. 

 “If the lad doesna earn his last rites, dinna say it was my fault.” Jenny slipped away to care for her now rambunctious children, who had bounced back from their sickness immediately. 

 That night, she never slept, and took up her usual spot beside his bed. It would get worse, before it got better. Claire was elated at the signs that his fever would soon break. 

 “Would you like me to tell you a story?”

 “Mmm.” 

 “Well, there once was a brave knight. He found a faerie at the bottom of the standing stones, and knew right away that she was his. He loved her, and protected her fiercely. They were blessed with three beautiful brave children. Two angels, and one son of their heart.” Somehow it was easier for her to pretend she was speaking about someone else. “There was a great evil that the knight had to vanquish. It was-“ She pursed her lips in thought. “It was threatening their angel babies, so the knight had to leave his faerie and guard their daughters in heaven. The faerie returned to protect her son.”

 Fergus while laid fevered and asleep. Claire smoothed back the crusty hair from his forehead sticky with sweat. “Je t'aime mon fils. Être fort.  Je sais que vous êtes.” Fergus stirred slightly. 

 “Je t’aime maman.” His smile and voice were weak. 

 She kissed his forehead and he slumped back into his slumber. 

 Jenny stood in the doorway smiling, on the verge of tears at the sight. It felt such a personal moment between mother and son, that she didn’t want to interrupt. But when Claire lapsed into silence, she took a tentative step into the room. 

 “The worst of it is over.” Jenny said, both as statement and question. 

 “Yes.” 

 “Good, now we can talk sister.” 

 “Yes, I believe we should.” 

 “Why- why’d ye leave my brother? I’ve kent ye well over these past few years, and I’d

never imagine that you’d just give him up so willingly. Ye’d die wi’ him if it came to it.” 

 “He made me promise that- well we knew how Culloden would end up, everyone could 

feel how much of a defeat it would be. He forced me to-“ Her brain felt muddled, keeping track of all the half-truths in her mind. “board a boat to France for the safety of our child.” Tears sprung into her eyes at that admission and her hand extended from her stomach absentmindedly, as if she was holding her belly at six months, the furthest she had been in either of her pregnancies. “Red Jamie couldn’t escape the fate of Culloden but his wife the Stuart Witch could, no one would recognise me. But I- I came back for Fergus and you, Ian, your children. I know that’s what he would’ve wanted. I just wish I knew, if he really-”

 “Ye eejit he isna dead! That dunderheid is holed up in a cave somewhere on these lands, 

grieving ye terribly.”

 “He’s- he’s alive?” A lump formed in her throat. “I didn’t want to hope that-“ 

 “Why on earth would ye think he’s dead! If ye had written letters to us. To let us ken ye 

were safe, we’d tell your daft arse to come back home! But of course, ye couldna spare us that much mind.” 

 “I’m sorry Jenny, I wasn’t in a safe place to send you letters. A man wanted to marry 

me.” Yes, years ago. “After I lost- he put me in an asylum when I refused his advances. I had to escape him after I lost-“ Jenny’s expression softened and she nodded, not in understanding, but in acceptance of what she had done. It didn’t do well to dwell on the past for too long. 

 “Well ye seem dead on yer feet, I’ll go take out all this anger on Ian.” Claire chuckled 

and then kissed Jenny’s cheek. “Wi’ him out and healthy again, the Laird’s room will be free enough but I dinna want ye to be lying in that sickbed so soon.” 

 “It’s yours now.” 

 “Ye ken Jamie and ye will always be Laird and Lady to the tenants. And no, Ian and I

occupy the same room we have fer years. I just stuck him in the Laird’s room because I was irritated at him groaning and shivering in our bed.” 

 Claire laughed, but felt bad for poor Ian who had unknowingly become the subject of 

Jenny’s ire these past few days. 

 She was in the courtyard, while Jamie made his way back to Lallybroch. A deer slung over his shoulders and buckets of water weighed down his arms. He took in the sight of his wife and nearly fainted. The buckets he had carried dropped to the ground with a snap and rolled across the yard. The stiff deer slumped to the ground over the mud. 

 It was the first word he had croaked in months, “Sassenach.” The sound didn’t reach her ears but she could read off his lips the endearment she knew all too well.

 Even with Jenny’s confirmation, she couldn’t believe the apparition before her. But could she have imagined him this way? Haggard and weary from months living in a cave. A bonnet slanted across his red hair to hide the bold colour. His beard had grown considerably from the scruff she was so familiar with. But the thing she couldn’t possibly imagine in her head was the haunted look on his face. The dark circles under his eyes and the gaunt nature of his face echoed his grief.  

 “No I’m. This isn’t- the after effects of the electroshock therapy” she mumbled. 

 She felt woozy, and her head was full of fluffy clouds. She regained her balance swiftly but stared unwavering at Jamie. His heart chilled, as if she was staring straight through his soul, but couldn’t see it. 

 “Claire I dinna ken what ye’re saying lass.”

 She gasped at his hand on her forearm. “You’re real.” 

 “And so are ye. Christ when Jenny told me to get my hide back here, I dinna ken it was really true.” She fell into him and he wrapped his strong arms across her back. 

 “Oh, God. Jamie. Oh God.” Claire’s breath rattled onto his cheek. “Just hold me.”

 She trembled in his arms, months of exhaustion, fear, pain, and heartache expressing themselves. 

 “I’m sorry Jamie. I’m so sorry. I - the stones.” 

 “What’re you apologising for lass?” He choked out. “Claire -the bairn?” She couldn’t meet his eyes. 

 She felt the need to run and hide as she did in the arbor of Fontainebleau. She didn’t want to face what was before her, what was behind. How could she let Jamie forgive her when she couldn’t herself? As if she were putting a sheet of metal between her and her heart, she suddenly felt nothing. 

 “She’s dead.” She said simply, staring at a chipped stone on the ground. 

 This time Jamie did collapse, and took Claire tumbling down to his lap. They held tight to one another, and Claire was the one to comfort him now. His tears soaked the wool of her bodice as he rocked them back and forth on the steps. When his eyes couldn’t produce anymore tears, he slowly peeked out of his shell. Jamie rose slowly from his spot on the steps when the sun crawled below the horizon and carried her with him to the Laird’s room. 

 Claire stripped him down to his sark and was prepared to ask for water, when she saw someone had already completed the task. She resumed her task and shed his final layer, exposing his naked body. It was filthy and covered in scratches, but beautiful to her all the same. When she began to direct him into the washing tub, he objected and began to take off her clothes with a practiced hand. As he reached for the final string of her shift, she moved his hand away. 

 “No, tonight I bathe you.” 

 She pushed him down into the small tub and his knees poked out of the water. The ewer sat on the wooden table near the tub, and she plucked it up with her fingers. She grabbed a sponge as well, and began her ministrations, leaning over the lip of the tub to reach him. She grabbed some scissors as well, trimming the beard that had grown over the months in the woods. 

 “Can ye ever forgive me?” A dejected Jamie asked. 

 “For what?” She knew, but she wanted to hear the words coming from him. 

 “For sending you through those stones, for breaking our family.” 

 “I already have.” 

 “What did she- Was she like her sister?” 

 “I don’t know.” Claire worried at her lip. “I- um. I lost her when I went through the stones. I only know she was a girl, because I felt her presence when I came back. She said she loves us.” She began to scrub harder against Jamie’s arm with the sponge to distract herself. 

 The pang in his chest nearly brought his head below surface of the water. All the air in his lungs fled and he was left with nothing. He stopped Claire’s arm and brought her hand to his, squeezing it tight. 

 “Will you ever forgive me?” 

 “Fer what lass?”

 “Not being strong enough. Not protecting her in the one way I could. Not returning to you soon enough.” 

 “I’ve already forgiven ye for anything ye could ever possibly do. And yer not to blame for any of those.” 

 “Then you’re not either. If there is, it’s God for being a cruel bastard. You say you can forgive me for anything, but I’m not sure I can give you what we want anymore.” 

 “What I want is you by my side. Come in the water Sassenach, let me hold my wife. Let me carry this burden wi’ ye.” 

 With the dim light of the fire and candles dotting the room, she was confident he wouldn’t be able to see her body fully. She slugged out of her shift, weighed down by weeks of exhaustion and crawled in between his legs. Water splashed out of the top of the tub, but they paid it no mind. Jamie repeated the ministrations Claire had provided for him, but even more gently on her smooth skin. When she began to doze off tucked safely between his thighs in the water, they were both wrinkly like prunes. Jamie carried her body wrapped tight around his, and placed her on the fresh sheets. 

 He held her naked on their bed. The smooth skin of her back was pressed against the soft tufts of hair on his chest. They needed to talk, but for now, neither wanted to leave the warm bubble of each other’s arms. Jamie was still processing what it all meant, and so was Claire, even after months of enduring it herself. No words could repair the loss they both felt, and the heartache of time spent apart. It would just feel like a hollow repetition of events after their first born. But tonight they would just simply be. Claire looked down at her sleeping husband. For the first time in months, she felt safe. She lightly traced the skin of his face, from temple to cheek, and saw the familiar smile ghost his peaceful rest. She spread a grin in response, the first one that reached her eyes in months.

[dailyaudiobible]

06/15/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Kings 14:1-15:24, Acts 10:1-23, Psalms 133:1-3, Proverbs 17:7-8

Today is the 15th day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is great to be here with you as we move into our week, continue our journey through this month of June, and continue our journey through the Bible. So, we’re in the book of first Kings in the Old Testament and things have kinda fallen apart. So, Solomon had his reign, brought Israel to its apex. His son Rehoboam succeeded him as king but 10 of the tribes defected or rebelled or abandoned Rehoboam’s rule and…and abandoned the house of David, for that matter and have appointed their own king's name is Jeroboam. He’s the King of Israel while Rehoboam, Solomon's son is king of Judah. Rehoboam is…it would be good…Jeroboam and Rehoboam sound very similar. So, it's easy for us to get kind of mixed up. It would be good for us to just know who we’re talking about here. Jeroboam the King of Israel, the 10 tribes of the north has lead Israel into idolatry by setting up golden calves in Dan in the north and Bethel in the South. Those are the borders of his kingdom. And now a nation that was once one chosen people has been divided into two different nations who have animosity for each other. So, we pick up that story. We’ reading from the New Living Translation this week. First Kings 14:1 through 15:24.  

Commentary:

Alright. So, in the Old Testament today in the book of first Kings, now is the time that we've gottta…we’ve gotta pay attention to the fact that these 12 tribes that we watched form…I mean we watched the 12 sons who whose offspring became the 12 tribes of Israel, we watched them be born and we watched them in slavery, we watched all of the things that they did, including the wandering in the wilderness but they unified as a people, as a family. And this family was united under King Saul. But then…well…we know the story that happened there. And, so, the house of David rose up and the tribes had all ratified this. This king who was from Judah was going to be king of Israel. They all had to get behind this. And, so, they got behind David. And remember the story of David. We see why they got behind David, because everybody knew he was running from Saul and everybody knew he was a great leader in Israel. So, when David died Solomon ascended to the throne, although there was…there was some drama, some significant drama involved in that, but Solomon ascended the throne and brought this unified Israel, this unified monarchy to its apex. And then Solomon drifted away from God. And it…you know…it was a brief description of what happened. The wives and concubines that he had, he started trying to pacify them and let them worship their own gods and he was seduced away. We’ll…we’ll hear more about these things as we continue through the Bible, especially when we do the book of Ecclesiastes. But after Solomon's reign things fell apart. So, Solomon's son, David's grandson, Rehoboam became king of Israel and everybody came together to ratify that he would be the king over all the tribes of Israel, but he was arrogant and he told the people, especially of the northern tribes that he was going to make life even more difficult for them than his father had made. And, so, they rebelled and made Jeroboam their king. And now there are 10 tribes in the north, the nation of Israel and two tribes in the south, the nation of Judah. I say all that by way of review because we are in the books of the Kings, the books of the kings of Judah and Israel. And they…they weren't born and they didn't die on the same day. So, there's gonna be plenty of overlap. Like even in today's reading, Jeroboam the King of Israel in the North has been prophetically rejected by God, but his reign went on for a couple of decades. In the meantime, Rehoboam lived and reigned and his son succeeded him, and his grandson succeeded him, and we see…we should note that the kings of Israel and Judah, after Solomon's reign, they were not loyal to their covenant with God until king Asa of Judah, which we briefly read about today, began to turn things back around, began to serve God as his ancestor King David had done. So, in so many ways it is like we’re repeating the book of Judges only in a very organized political military. Again, in the book of Judges everybody's doing what's right in their own eyes and now everybody can’t do what’s right in their own eyes. The king can. But this thing that they thought was gonna unite them and make everything better was just a brief temporary fix. The thing that will hold them together is their covenant with God but seems to be the thing that’s disposable. And we will continue this journey as we move through many, many generations and centuries of Kings who ruled in Israel and who ruled in Judah.

In the New Testament some pretty significant developments are happening in the book of Acts, things that have implications that are far, far, far reaching and actually craft the story of the early church. So Cornelius, Roman centurion, is a God-fearing man. And this is what the Hebrew people called a Gentile person who wasn't converting to Judaism but was attempting to live among the Hebrew people and worship among the people and honor the God of the Hebrew people. They were God-fearing and respected, and this was a respected man who had a vision telling them to send for Peter. Like just send some people south out of Joppa and get Peter and bring him back because he had some things to say. So, he does obey that. Meanwhile, Peter’s on the roof of a house in Joppa having a vision of his own – a sheet coming down full of animals that are, under the Mosaic law, unclean. And Peter is being told to eat those animals, like…like to disobey the law. Like something new is afoot and Peter is confused. He's like, “I've never…like I can't. I've never done anything like that…like this. I've never let anything unclean touch my lips to eat them.” And then in the vision he’s told what God has made clean is clean. Like, so something new is happening. And then these people arrive to…to pick up Peter and Peter’s told to go with them. We have to remember that Cornelius is not a Hebrew, he’s a Gentile. And the things that Peter’s seen in this sheet; those are the kinds of things that Gentiles eat. They’re unclean. And we are beginning to practically see that this new thing that God is doing in the world through Jesus, this thing that's forming in the world called the church that is evolving right after Jesus ministry may in fact be a little different than anybody was thinking because up until this point, Jesus was considered by some to be the Hebrew Messiah, pretty much rejected by most. That could be true. But everything Jesus had done was in a Hebrew context, and His ministry was in a Hebrew context to mostly Hebrew people and His message was very, very much in the Hebrew context. He was a rabbi who commented on all on the customs and on the Hebrew people. So, what's going on here with an angel telling a Gentile to go get Peter? And what's going on here with Peter seeing unclean things that are now permitted? A vast shift with far, far reaching implications is afoot in the early church in the book of Acts. And we will watch that come to fruition in the days ahead.

Prayer:

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for your faithfulness to us in our lives. And father as we come to the Scriptures each day, we ask that you would lead us into all truth. This is a promise one that we hold onto. And, so, we continue our journey forward believing that you will continue to lead and guide our steps through the Scriptures, through our understanding of them, and through the way that we live our lives because of them. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

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And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB this is David the beloved child of God in Northern California it’s been well over a year since I’ve called in. I’m still involved with young life doing ministry to adolescents and you could be praying for that community all over the world. It’s been especially hard in the COVID-19 pandemic. And young life camps are closed throughout America this summer. So, pray for creativity for young life leaders. Also, I just want to say, Jesse from Washington. I don’t know what it is about you brother but every time you call in I just…you’re on my heart. You’ve been on my prayer list for many, many months and I’m praying for you. Just know that. I’m not very good about praying a lot of the phone here but for some reason you’re the one guy that I just continually…every time I hear you call and it just piques my ears and I pay attention. Praying for faithfulness. Praying for you specifically to stay faithful to your wife. Stay strong stay encouraged. And then finally family, I would ask that you would pray for my neighbors Randall and Debra. Randall has stage IV cancer. Doctors aren’t given him much prognosis for a healthy lifestyle going forward and maybe two years to live at the most. First off and more than anything I ask that you would be praying for a miracle. My wife and I are praying for him and his wife is really losing hope. So, pray for Deborah that she would have hope. Pray for a miracle for Randall who is also having trouble sleeping. Jesse also just want to let you know I’m praying against all the attack of gossip that your wife is experiencing. Stay strong family. Love you. Bye-bye. This is David the Beloved from Northern California.

Good morning DABbers this is in response to Abby who called in and to the mothers who are weary of being afraid of what might happen to their children of…and for the families who have lost members to violence. I don’t have my own wisdom other than to say I long Lord to be a part of the solution and not the problem. So, I want to pray for Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? To do justice. To love kindness. To walk humbly with your God. So, Lord I pray that You would work justice in my heart, in my thoughts, in my words to others, and my actions. Open my eyes to see injustice around me and give me the courage to speak and act against it. Lord, let me show kindness to all I encounter, to remember that they are made in Your image and so treat others as Kin. And Lord let me walk humbly with You, banish pride, and to love in Your name. I pray wisdom and humility in our leaders. Oh Lord, help our country Holy Spirit in Jesus’ name. Amen.

I am a longtime listener and a first-time caller and I’m just going to call myself Virginia from Dallas because that’s who I am. My name is Virginia and I’m living in Dallas Texas. And at the beginning of the year, Daniel the Kingdom Seeker sung a song and…and he released a word and it said “rest, trust and worship.” And I realized how much we were going to need that as we began our journey through 2020 - the rest, the trust in our God, and the worship that will get us through. And, so, daily when I…when I start my work day of course it’s at home now and part of the prayer that I pray it says rest trust and worship and O Lord even in this day’s most stressful moments may I rest in you. Increase my love for Your word and Your people and let passion rise within me. Let the fire of the Holy Spirit rise inside of me in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus, in the matchless name of our Savior. And I just wanted to say to my brother how much I appreciate that word and how it has carried me through the tribulations of 2020. I love you DABbers. I listen and I pray along with you. I remember you. I love you. And I thank God for community that understands the power of love and prayer. Brian…

I would just like to ask for prayer request. I’m in a marriage. I accepted Christ about six years ago and my husband has not, and this causes me to struggle with my faith. So, right now I’m just struggling really hard trying to believe God’s word and deal with my husband at the same time. It just keeps putting doubts in my head. So, I’m just…just requesting prayer for me for like God to strengthen my faith and pray for my husband that isn’t saved. Thank you so much. I just joined this about a week ago and I’m loving it and I wish that I joined it so I could have been a part of this from the beginning of the year, but I’m thankful that it is now part of my life and I’m getting in the word more. So, I’m thankful for that and if you could just please lift me and my husband up in prayer and most importantly pray for my strength in…in God and these doubts from the enemy just stop because I feel like I’m being attacked right now. Thank you and have a great day.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this Taria calling from Chicago. I’ve called in a couple of times before with prayer requests for my family and to offer encouragement to others but today I’m calling because I just learned that a gentleman that’s done some work with me around my house for the better part of 10 years now just shared with me that his son and his wife have recently passed away. He lost his son earlier this year and lost his wife just not even a month ago. He and his wife came to America over 40 years ago to build a better life for them and their small family. He is now here separated from the majority of his family from his home country and his support system and it just breaks my heart that such a wonderful hard-working loving person is just dealing with so much on top of everything else that’s going on in 2020. So, I’m just asking for the Daily Audio Bible family to pray for Mr. Batista, that he can get through this extremely difficult time and just be surrounded by all the love and faith and endurance that it’s gonna require of him to…to stay strong. Thank you very much.

Good morning prodigal I’m glad to hear your story. You know what? Israel fell to pieces because they didn’t know who they are. America falls to pieces because she’s been torn apart by her internal strife. My family was torn apart because we didn’t know who we were and that’s how it’s been. But I know I’ve got a Father who cares about justice. I’ve got a God of hope as it says in Romans. It fills me with all joy and peace as I serve Him. And I know that He cares to put good food on my plate, He cares about who I am because my Father is the prize…kind of person I want to be. My Father walked here on earth in the person of Jesus Christ. He showed exactly what sort of family I’m a part of. And prodigal I’m proud to be in your family. I’m proud to call you my brother and I’m also proud that we have a Father that cares to do justice in the courts of heaven. And that’s exactly where we belong. Even on this moment on our knees while were waiting for revival to break out in America where there’s fighting and violence on the spirit of consternation and if frustration and of anger has its way, I know that the Holy Spirit is on the wave behind that. I know that my God is great and just, greatly to be praised. His Angels are mighty and waiting for us to pray the word and to release them into the atmosphere around these cities. He’s waiting for us to be strong in Him not in who we are here in flesh but in Spirit. And I praise the Lord for watching over ...

Convicted Beyond Measure what a glorious and beautiful name. I heard your prayer, your plea this morning and was overwhelmed with the heart of the Lord for you. A sweet and soft kind love, the embrace of a loving parent who weeps over their child in sadness and in joy. And what a wonderful name Convicted Beyond Measure, for conviction in Christ is the realization of how much we are loved. Lord I ask for my sibling that you give them peace, peace not in their emotions but peace in their soul knowing that You are in control. Lord, open their eyes to Your work that they might not be distracted by their own faults and flaws or distracted by the works of the enemy but see Your hand in all things and hold fast to that so that they may follow You and bring healing and love and joy and peace and kindness and gentleness wherever they go just as their Father and their brother Lord Jesus Christ did before them. Amen.