#like my dude used to be in blue and white armour

[troonwolf]

the Braham - Commander conflict is esp weird for me because my main Commander and Braham actually have a lot in common and it fucks me up

- Guardians

- Mained a mace and shield when they first met

- Complicated relationships with caregivers

- Big expectations dumped on them when they’re young

- Lose someone important to them that causes a grieving process which involves new angsty outfits

- Specialise in Dragonhunter to go with the new outfit

- Don’t Wanna Talk About It

- Don’t Wanna Talk About Anything

[mlm-writer]

Daddy/Dearest (Wade Wilson x M!Reader)

Pairing: Wade Wilson/Deadpool x Alien!Cis!M!Reader  Rating: Mature (lowest I can go with a Deadpool fic) Words: 1048 POV: Third Summary: You matched with Deadpool on the intergalactic dating app Starcrossed. After exchanging many dick pics, you decided to visit Earth for your first date... and blow the planet up if the date sucked. Note: Inspired by the song Party Tonight by Joe Hedourix and this prompt. Tags: first date, fluff, idk who Nick Fury really is tbh, 4th wall breaks, romcom and reader’s appearance is a little vague but at some point I started imagining Megamind

“Deadpool! Open up!” Wade groaned at the insistent knocking on his door. He tried to rub his eyes, only to find out that he was still wearing his mask. A quick look down revealed he had fallen asleep on the couch in his PJs. The knocking at his door stopped, so he rested his body on the couch. He had barely closed his eyes, when the door was knocked down. 

He raised his head with a groan, only to be incredibly surprised by his guest. “Wow, Nick Fury, I am not sure if I am even supposed to know who you are, because the writer has seen exactly one movie in which you had a cat, but he supposes you’re an important dude or whatever.” 

“Shut it, motherfucker,” the man wearing a black trenchcoat barked back at Wade. He clearly took note of the dirty white shirt with a butt on it and the blue chequered underwear Wade was wearing, but he did not comment on it. “Do you know the app Starcrossed?” 

Wade laughed, not reading the room that had been filled with armoured men and women because we are inclusive here and women can and will kick your ass if provoked. 

“That app with all the metas on it? Why? Did we match? I’m sorry if I did not reply, but you’re not really my type and you must have been an accidental swipe.” 

“Stop yapping! Does this guy look familiar to you?” From his pocket he unfolded a picture printed on an A4 paper. Wade leaned in and squinted at the picture. He did recognise the person on it. 

“Oh yes that’s my daddy - not my father - but like a sexual daddy you know. You should see his dick.” Nick looked like he was gonna lose it. Wade could tell, but he frankly did not give a shit. 

“Well, your ‘daddy’ is the leader of an alien race, whose armada is in orbit right now to drop him off for a ‘date’ with you. So get dressed, because whether we get blown up or not today is apparently up to you.” That was a lot to take in, but Wade was used to weird days and this was simply just another one of them. 

Now it was common to be nervous for a first date, but the fully armed SWAT team dropping Wade off was not helping. He tried making conversation with them, but they seemed to blame him for possible annihilation before dinner time. 

When he stepped out of the chopper, there was a masculine figure waiting in front of the former military base. He held a large bouquet of iridescent flowers. They seemed either fake or from an alien planet. “Wadey!” The figure called out, waving frantically with all hands that were not holding the bouquet. The inhuman coloured skin seemed to change colour wherever the late morning sun was directly shining on it. 

“Hi daddy,” Wade called back in the same cooing tone. He skipped over to his date. “Are those for me?” He mused, knowing the answer as his date handed them to him. 

“I heard flowers are quite common to bring to a Terran date, so I brought some rare flowers from my planet for you. I am afraid they will not survive as long as they would on my planet though. The sun here is weak.” Wade smelled the flowers. They smelled like butt. Could be worse. At least Wade was familiar with the smell of butt. Wade held the flowers close as he thanked the other for them. “Well then, shall we? Your government was so kind to help me set up an Earth-date.” 

The atmosphere was… weird. There was a very extensive brunch on a beautifully decorated table, but they were surrounded by people keeping them at gunpoint. “You don’t seem bothered by being held at gunpoint,” Wade noted as he rolled up his mask just far enough to shove a croissant into his mouth. 

“Likewise,” his date smirked back at him. He reached out and touched the edges of the mask. “Come on, I already know your dick and ass are covered in scars. Your face cannot possibly scare me.” Wade thought about it. Well, his identity was not really a secret right now anyway. They already knew where he lived. Wade lifted his mask off his face, trying to not show how insecure he was about his fucked up face. However, when he looked at the alien before him, he swore he could see a hunger in his eyes. “If these people were not around, I would fuck your face right now,” the man sighed dreamily, before continuing to clumsily trying to spread butter on a piece of toast. 

Wade reached out and decided to help him. Their fingers briefly touched and Wade saw the other man smile at the contact. It set his body on fire with desire. “I frankly don’t care about the audience, but after writing all those kinktober fics the writer can really use a break from blowjob scenes, so let’s keep this from being E-rated.”

Wade sat back down after buttering his date’s toast. He watched as the alien’s facial features reacted to the taste of Earth food. “Fascinating,” he spoke softly. Wade chatted with his date and those mesmerising eyes and charming smile kept drawing him in. At some point he was sure even Nick Fury could smell his arousal from wherever he was keeping an eye on the situation. There was no more food left, when his date rose from his seat and offered one of his hands. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Wade grabbed his mask and put it back on. “We’ll have to fight our way out of here if we want to do that.” A corona of blue light started surrounding the alien, a devilish smile appearing on his face. The sudden display of power got people loading their guns and Wade’s gun filling up with blood really quickly. 

“Do not worry, dearest, that can be arranged,” the most powerful being that had ever held him spoke, before he blasted a hole in the line of armed people, lighting the way to their future in a flurry of blue. “Let’s have a good time, dearest.”

[teatitty]

We should do more redesigns of the Naruto adults instead of limiting them to the kids

Anko's standard fit is fine just change her skirt to some shorts or long trousers and give her more obvious snakelike features [patches of scales on her body, jaw unhinges when she yawns etc] to really hammer home the experiments Orochimaru did on her

Asuma should have a uniform that screams "nobility" and "fire country ninja" considering he's both the Hokage's son and worked as personal guard for the Daimyo for X number of years. He should be in thick white and red body armour [I'm thinking something mongolian inspired]. Hairy bear Asuma real and true in my heart this man is THICC he is CHONKY he'd have gay dudes in a chokehold everywhere

Kakashi is allowed to have the standard uniform because utility matters more to him than looks but I do think it'd be cool if he still had the clawed ANBU gloves. We see him with the tanto once or twice in the manga so I say let him carry a few more weapons on his person depending on mission. Dogteeth Kakashi so canon to me also

Iruka has two uniforms to me: his standard one for the village and then his field uniform which is the blue hanfu I showed on here before including the traditional high top boots and various wooden ear piercings. He carries various seal scrolls and tags + two hook swords - either on the same hip or one on each - and has a habit of resting his forearm on the hilts. Hair is slightly longer so high ponytail trails to the base of his neck + you know I gotta commit to the Sharkteeth agenda

Genma should look more like a laidback punk. Give him a long hoodie coat like when he was a kid and a needle pouch on his thigh. Instead of standard flak vest just have him carrying around various antidotes and poisons inside his coat. He already has the senbon in his mouth I want him using test tubes for his drinks with a bunch of weird marks and scars all over his body where he's tested poisons on himself

[theleslistuff]

Felt like writing for no particular reason, enjoy ❤

Caretaker syndrome

Summary; Danny's friends and family have been worried sick about Danny's bad habits; lack of sleep, he barely eats or drinks anything to keep fulfilling his obsession for protecting Amity park, so they began to take roles: Tucker keeps track of time for classes, Sam fights off easier ghost, Jazz makes sure he's not sneaking out to help Sam with the easiest ghost, but his twin brother Andy has the hardest duty... To make his personal chores..., but who is going to help them with their problems if they're exhausted trying to keep Danny (half) alive?.

Warning: alternative universe from the fan fiction My Brother is a ghost by Darkfoxkit where the corrupted era never happened and Andy joined phantom team as technically Danny's babysitter.

-Danny has a twin brother au

-OCs

-Mention of torture

-Danny is less human and more zombie like in his human half

-Loss of self, psychological and physical body horror for several characters (not in this chapter)

Chapter 1: The babysitter

It was a regular day in Amity Park, birds chirping, people running from a ghost attack, nothing different from usual as the infamous ghost boy in his trademark spandex black and white suit answers the distress calls quickly and more efficiently than any other ghost hunter in the town except for the red huntress.

-Ha!, is that everything you got dude?!-

Danny taunted the new ghost guard from Walker who was terrifying the town as he was testing out his weapons on people... A direct order from Walker to provoke the ghost boy, the heavily armoured guard finally with his real target on sight began to shoot at him with one of his many weapons, Phantom eluded the shots with elegance and grace until he flew straight into a publicitary cardboard.

-Ouch..., okay I deserved it for playing too long...-.

He murmured feeling ashamed since the nearby crowd was looking and some people even took photos of him, he decided it was time to finish this, he pulled out from his backpack the Fenton thermos and since he had some distance from the ghost, he could easily open the thermos, activate it and suck the ghost and all his weapons before he could react.

-And... That's how you finish a war machine folks!-.

He joked with a cheerful smile, the crowd claps fill his core with warm despite it's cold nature. The ghost boy considering his work done here waved a good bye at them as he begins to fly away as the red huntress is already trying to shoot him.

But between the cheering crowd there's someone not as joyful as the rest who didn't even looked away from his cellphone as the ghost boy was saving them, this boy held an uncanny resemblance with the son of the two most incompetent ghost hunters in town; the Fentons, black messy hair, pale skin with some freckles and soft factions with a fragile looking frame, the only physical difference between those two being the boy's tired green eyes but not as dreadful as the Fenton boy's blue dead looking eyes, their clothes different too since Danny Fenton usually wears a white shirt with a red circle in the middle his best friend assures there used to be a NASA logo there, blue baggie pants and red tennis shoes and this boy prefers a darker color scheme with a black shirt having a blue triangle in the middle, red pants and blue tennis shoes, it's said they are like a polaroid of each other.

The boy pulled out a bottle of water from his orange backpack and without giving a glance at the approaching frame of a tired looking Danny Fenton, he extended his arm holding the bottle of water at him, the opposite immediately snatched the bottle from this boy, practically ripped off the cap and began to drink from it, some of the liquid splashing on his clothes and face due the rushed and messy drinking, once the water was gone, he handed the empty bottle back to the other boy.

-Thanks for the saving bro...-. Danny replied with a huge smile on his face, the boy he called just smiled and nodded. -Try not to get smashed by the cardboard next time-, the boy answers his tone holding a small hint of mischief that Danny did not appreciate as he gave him a small playful hit with the elbow.

-Just let's go home Andy, mom and dad are going to be really worried when they see you in the middle of the ghost attack-, Danny said to his twin brother as he began to walk away, Andy walked behind him at certain distance thinking about his distant admiration for what his brother does as a everyday routine... Save the town, sometimes wishing he could do more than just keep Danny's homework done, make sure he drinks water and has something to eat, a desire to be a sidekick in the real battle field but a mare human like him could never do as much as he does, except for those wealthy and skilled enough through tough training like the Guys in white or the red huntress receiving her supplies from Vlad Masters.

His steps slowed down reflecting on this fact; does he really want to stay forever as just a babysitter for his brother's personal needs?... Doing double homework for him to not fail his classes, making him go to sleep, take him food and water straight to the battlefield, it's a noble duty, there's no denial in that and he gets to have time with his brother, right?!.

He stopped to walk and looked at Danny running away towards home leaving him behind, he can't help but to have mixed feelings about this, feeling proud and happy to see his brother improving since Andy decided to be like his babysitter, there's no longer black bags under his eyes, there's less bruises, burns or other injuries since he's more focused and eating better.

He looked at his own reflection on a nearby glass from a cafeteria, his brother is even starting to develop his muscles, meanwhile he looks like a bag of bones, a frame noticeable smaller than his twin, dry lips and hollow eyes with black bags under his eyes, it's the first time he really has noticed how much he has not taken care of himself..., he touched his cheek in a absent and unconscious gesture trying to confirm it's indeed his real reflection, he clenched his hand into a fist, he's determined tonight he will talk this out with Danny, it's not like he doesn't want to help anymore, it will be more about trying to have either a more important role or make Danny self conscious about his lack of self care to make him less reliant of him to take care of himself too.

With a tired look and determination on changing things he began to walk towards his home, nothing will stop him from finally talking this out with him...

Or so he thought until he felt a sharp pain on his neck, his vision immediately turned blurry, every object began to spin around him, his hand moving in slow motion towards his neck to inspection what is the cause of this, his fingers register a needle before he began to fall and finally passed out.

From behind the boy the tall figure of a muscular man with dark skin, a bald scalp and dressed in a white suit characteristic from the anti ghost organization "The Guys In White" took away the needle from the boy's neck and carried the boy in his arms as if he weighed nothing, he walked away with normalcy, unnoticed by the people passing by because of his authority figure the organization gave this uniformed man as a government agency, not a single soul questioned when he carried the boy inside the Axion lab's building.

Andy's eyes began to flutter open, the sedative making him have a hard time to even feel alive, his body felt sore and heavy, his breath was jagged and his mouth tasted like iron with a heavy tongue he could barely move, the first thing he noticed besides feeling like garbage was that he was in some kind of prison of high technology, the environment was painted in a pure pearl white, not a single spot of dirt to the sight, the toilet, the bed, the sheets the purest white he could ever see making him have a strong guess about who is behind this, the only striking contrast being himself and the bars of electric blue energy to prevent him from escaping, he could not help but to think... It would be extremely easy for Danny to pass through those bars, but for him it would be certain death just to touch them.

He began to rise from the floor, falling in several attempts with every muscle feeling like they are made of jelly, as the time passes the effects of the sedative finally seem to fade away and allow him to stand up properly having a little support from one of the sickly white walls, he panted and closed his eyes, his bad shape along with the strong sedative used on him making a single simple task as standing up a total nightmare, he groaned in frustration until he heard a voice from outside his cell.

-I offer you an apology young man, as you must know our organization develops technology against ghost and our agent had no other sedative at hand than one designated to put Phantom to sleep..., It's a good new to see you recovered almost completely-.

Andy opened his eyes and turned around to see the man, as he suspected it was one of the agents from the guys, but this one looks important..., He's noticeable older than most of the field agents, a man around his sixties, grey short hair on his head a good cared beard, his skin pale and although with some marks from the age and scars from battle, his skin is totally pale, almost like an albino, his eyes covered in black glasses like those of the other agents, hands perfectly still behind his back like a gentleman or perhaps holding something. The boy was kinda shocked, he didn't knew anything about this man but the mare appearance tells him he's a big threat around here, so he proceeded carefully.

-I'm sorry but I think you're mistaken sir, I'm not a ghost, why did you brought me here?-, Andy asked as he made eye contact with the man or at least looking at his glasses, the teenager immediately tried to look at something, anything on his expression that would tell him something about his motives with him, it was no use, the man held a perfect poker face, not a single muscle on his face moved until he spoke.

-We're never mistaken young man, but don't think too highly of yourself, you're not going to just be a prisoner for us, you're more of a tool to get a bigger threat...-, Andy's eyes widened and he gave a step back, it was not necessarily a explanation to connect the dots and realize he is going to be used as a bait to get Danny, the old man gave a small smile as he noticed this child was catching up fast with what is happening.

-As you may have guessed, we keep our vigilance on this ghost called Phantom trying to get a soft spot, a way to get rid of that menace pretending to be one of us..., but we noticed a constant in the last months, his assistants may snap out of his control or not be with him in a daily basis but you seem to be quite close to this ectoplasmic menace...-.

The man shut down the energy from the bars through a remote control and threw on the floor photos from the vigilance survey showing Andy with Danny either human form or ghost form, The boy's blood ran cold though his body as he realized they have always known about Danny's identity and immediately discarded the possibility of halfas, just thinking of Danny's human half as camouflage, in certain part it makes sense for him, Andy himself still not fully believes in the concept of halfas.

-So, what are you going to do?, just keep me trapped until he comes to the facilities?, you know he could easily pass through a cell like this one by just turning intangible and get me out, not even being noticed at all-

Andy felt confident enough to tease a little due the simplicity of their plan, but a bad feeling shrunk into him as the man began to laugh, the sound of his rough laugh equally as strange as dreadful breaking his confidence into small pieces.

-Dear boy, don't insult my intelligence, I haven't insulted yours for believing such a brutish idea..., we are not in need of a bait, we're in need...-, he stopped at mid sentence to suddenly stab Andy's shoulder with a syringe he has hidden on his hands all this time to inject all it's contents, Andy was about to scream when the man suddenly pulled out the needle and covered the boy's mouth with a hand, he approached slowly to his ear and confessed his real plan.

-You'll be my weapon to eliminate that menace once and for all and you'll not be able to do anything to stop it...-

He tossed the boy inside the cell and turned on the cell bars once more before he could even get up from the floor, the boy not understanding at all what he meant by that, rushed towards the cell bars and yelled.

-What do you mean by that?!, what have you done to me?!-

He tried to get an answer but the man was already walking away, ignoring the teenager's words.

[dragonwriterguy]

Dragon Tale(working title)

Before you start reading just know that this is the first draft with some small changes here and there to make it readable. Most of this is bound to change and a lot of it will be to you(my followers). If you think that something would work better then message me and i will probably look into the change. At the end of the day I'm writing this to learn and i hope that you will enjoy. (Also i am planning to upload this to Ao3 but they haven't given me my account yet so it might take a few days before it ends up on there.) (also also if you have any suggestions for the title just message me directly and ill think about it)

Rant over. Hope you enjoy

So this is how it ends. My life as a law abiding citizen. Not my actual life but just that I was about to become an enemy of the government. Now you might question why I would want to become an enemy of the government ,but I couldn't really ever tell what they were up to and half the time it seemed corrupt so why not. 

The wind brushed past my ears as I stood atop the ledge. My heart pounded quickly as I looked down upon the encampment before me. The miniature soldiers scurried about their tent moving cargo. The crimson banners blew in the wind like blood running down an arm. The tension in the air could be cut with a dagger. 

I looked back at my two friends, searching for any reassuring sentiments. Warren was closed off and seemed moody as always, but I can only assume  that he's moody right now. His helmet was covering his face, but his piercing blue eyes were shining through the gap in his helmet. He is an elf but you could never tell normally as he always has some kind of mask over his face and ears. There was that one time I walked into the baths and I saw the back of him, but I didn't get to see his face as he yelled for me to get out.Its not like i don't trust him, the dude has saved my life too many times to count, but he's one of those silent and mysterious types who act all lone wolf and like they can fly solo when they are actually a big softie under all those cloaks and armour. My main theory, that I have a bet riding on, is that he's some outcast prince that has to cover his face so as not to be recognised. 

To Warren's left was my other party member, Penelope. She was riddled with all kinds of thoughts. Her hand was covering her mouth. She was clearly very deep in thought as she was fidgeting, her eyes were glazed over. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a bun with bangs covering her forehead. Her white robes and blue cloak were being blown in the wind, like they were the wash of a boat on a river.

She didn't seem to notice that I had even looked at her as she turned around and began pacing. As much as I was concerned with her pacing, I decided to try and steady myself whilst we waited by distracting my mind. 

I thought back to how we even got in this situation in the first place, the story was long and complex and involved elements that had nothing to do with us but that was exactly what would help my brain. The job was fairly simple, all we had to do was to take down this legion of soldiers and the rest would be dealt with by our employer. This was simple but the repercussions were not. You see, this encampment was part of the royal army, so by attacking it we would become enemies of the monarchy. Now I'm not too big on politics and I'm not a massive fan of the government but even I know this is a bad idea, or it would be if we weren't working for the rebel forces that have been trying to take down the queen for the past decade or so. You might be wondering why there would be a large army trying to take out the queen, surely she's some nice old lady who sits in her castle all day drinking tea, WRONG. The queen is a massive asshole. To drop some lore the queen and her forces invaded from the west around 50-60 years ago. Her and her dragons, she's the queen of dragons as well which is super annoying, stomped in and decided to just push everyone around and move in. She is a massive dictator and until recently if you said something bad about her, you would be dragged off by her guards and you would never be seen again. So to put it simply she's a massive dictator and no one likes her.

In another weird sidenote, in technical terms she is my grandma as i am a dragon blood. So you might be wondering how that works and I'll tell you. When a dragon and a human love each other very much and they have a baby. This is sweet and all but magic can also influence this and can allow people to make an army with ease. This was how I was born, the not so sweet magic option, along with most dragonbloods. Another way to say it is I am a clone. All dragons are descended from the dragon queen so I guess in a way she's my grandma but then again that's not really true.

Now back to what's important, the Dragon Queen is evil which means that me and my friends decided to join the effort as the war was really hitting high tensions and the revolution was looking like it was going to win. They wanted to test our skills as we were pretty experienced so they sent us to this camp and now here we are sitting on a ledge waiting for our scout to return.

After a few more minutes of lying about on the floor, contemplating the specifics of how we got here and in other words being bored, our scout, Thorn arrived. By arrived i mean a small brown mouse scurried out of a bush, hopped up to us, looked at us with its adorable eyes before growing in size until sitting in front of us was a fully grown, but still short, adult. They scratched their spiky black hair and laid down to catch their breath. After a minute of being incapacitated, they began to speak.

“Okay, so good news, we should be able to go in and destroy this camp but we will need to do it in a very specific way” Thorn then went on to explain those very specific details.

“Is there anything else that we should know about?” asked Warren.

“Well i did overhear the guards discussing some kind of new weapon that had been acting up, i'm guessing that might be why we were assigned this camp specifically”

“So keep our eyes out for any fancy sword or staff then?” I chimed in

“Yup, lets try not break it unless we have to”

We all agreed and began to follow thorn through the forest. We walked in silence, only communicating through hand signals till we reached the edge of the camp.

Just past the tree line was a group of soldiers, most standing with a few sitting. They appeared to be playing some kind of card game. I stepped out of the brush and got ready to start the job.

So before I can continue with the story I need to drop some more “lore”. As you should already know I am a dragonblood, which is supposed to be mega loyal to the dragon queen as we are made by her. This means that everyone automatically thinks i work for her as you could guess this can sometimes be useful. Lore dropped, resume story. 

The soldiers all looked at me with an expression of bewilderment on their faces. They were clearly thinking “Why has this shirtless scaly guy just climbed out of the bushes. Their expressions quickly changed to those of suspicion as I continued to approach.

“Why aren't you at your station soldier?” One of the soldiers, an officer judging by his uniform, barked at me.

I walked on until I was standing at their table. “I thought I heard something in the bushes so I went looking.”

“And where is your uniform?”

I glanced down at my muddy, cargo pants, a stark contrast to their button up clean shirts and trousers. 

“Bear?” I tried hopefully.

“Look you better show us some identification or we're going to have to lock you up.” The soldiers were getting visibly irritated and some were starting to put their hands on their weapons. I was going to have to act now.

“Hold on, I think I have it in this pocket,” I answered as I reached deep into my pocket. After a second or two I did not bring out an ID or anything to show who I was. Instead I brought out a fist that was now travelling very rapidly towards the officer's jaw. They made contact with a small crunch and due to the now limp limbs of the man I had punched I could make the assumption it was a clean knockout. I quickly kicked the table into two other guys and punched another one across his face. The fight was finally getting started. 

The others proceeded to draw their weapons and charge at me. Unfortunately for them I used their knocked out friend as throwing practice. The unconscious man flew at them and bowled all three over. From the groaning I assumed that they were all winded and not planning on getting back up soon. The alarm bell rang out through the camp and soon a horde of soldiers began to charge towards me. 

Warren ran out from the bushes with his sword at the ready. He dashed past me and met with the crowd. His silver longsword sliced through his attackers, pushing them to the ground, and overall being a badass. His matte black armour did not reflect the light so amid the onslaught of soldiers he looked like a shadow warrior weaving between his foes. This warrior of the night ducked and bobbed amid this horde of iron clad enemies, his sword striking each and every one with precision and intent. You couldn't help but stare and watch this master of sword fighting stood surrounded by his disarmed and incapacitated foes. 

Following Warren's lead Thorn dashed forward and out of the tree line. They slid under the legs of our military foes and disappeared. A few seconds passed with no sign of them before a group of soldiers were flung through the air. Where a dozen soldiers had once been there was now a large brown bear. Its fur rippled in the wind as it let out a mighty roar to the heavens. Its teeth bared, the fuzzy beast began its attack on the soldiers. Its onslaught sent them flying every which way, and any that tried to fight it head on would get batted away. Within minutes this once large crowd had been torn apart and now only a few were left standing against these two fierce warriors. 

Penelope stood back from the pile of soldiers that was forming and focused her attention on the significantly larger group of reinforcements heading our way. Some of the reinforcements held back to draw bows and aim them our way. Penelope started to hold her hands out and chant. I realised what she was doing and prepared to run. A low hum began to resonate in the air and as the blanket of arrows flew into the air, like a deadly sheet being thrown down upon us by the gods, a loud pop hit my eardrums. The arrows proceeded to bounce backwards and fall upon the very soldiers that they were meant to protect. 

Upon hearing this pop I set off like a hawk upon a bird and ran across the battlefield, making contact with the enemy forces within seconds. Some of the soldiers swung at me with their swords with the hopes of slowing or stopping me in my tracks but they were soon robbed of this dream at a record breaking pace.  One by one, they were all met by either first or foot to their faces, stomach, knees, shoulders and an unlucky one in the groin. After not long I noticed that more of them were running away from me than running towards me. Sadly this moment of victory was rudely interrupted by a powerful blow in between my shoulder blades that sent me toppling forward a couple feet. I turned around to see a heavily tattooed dragonblood standing over me with a grimace stretched across his face. His horns were engraved with some runes that I didn't have the time to read. His face was scarred lightly with some cuts tracing around his eyes and mouth. 

“Traitor” He spat at my feet, his lip curling harshly as he snarled at me. 

“I'll accept the challenge buddy but i can't promise to not break some bones on top of your pride,” I was abruptly cut off by the approach of claws towards my head. 

I ducked and rolled behind him to avoid being decapitated by the angry lizardman. I jumped up and threw a punch into the back of his neck. He recoiled in pain before spinning around and trying to slam his fists down onto my skull. I took a step back and grabbed his wrists to pull him to the floor. This worked with surprising efficiency as he went down faster and harder than an avalanche. I now stood over my defeated challenger, who was inhaling sharply in between winces. 

“Yield” I spoke to him slowly and firmly.

He glared at me from the ground, despising the idea but knowing that he couldn't best me. He sighed and relaxed. I kicked him in the jaw to knock him out cleanly and then took a deep breath. This brief moment of clarity was broken by an unwelcome screech that rang out, the noise hanging in the air for a few seconds after. I turned around to see a battered grant facing off against a wyvern. 

The beast was easily ten or so feet in length with a wingspan of maybe twelve feet. Its body hung low to the floor, like a hovering snake, snarling at Warren as it encircled. He was clearly hurt and was giving everything he could to just stand up. This was the opposite of the wyvern which apart from a long gash along its underbelly that maybe cut a few inches deep was unharmed. The fiery beast began to get ready to pounce on my injured friend. I really couldn't catch a break today. 

Like an arrow shot from a taught hunters bow, I dashed across the ravaged remains of the camp like the wind was carrying me every step of the way. A dozen feet from my destination I leapt through the air, and like a blacksmith's hammer on hot metal I brought down my fist upon the skull of the wyvern. The contact of the blow reverberated through my arm and I followed through with the rest of my body. The wyvern was knocked a couple feet to the side and let out a scream that pierced the silent battlefield. The wyvern stared at me with its red hot eyes, the words of hate being engraved into the expression. 

“Tap in,”I said to Warren, before I shook off my hand and prepared a fighting stance. At least I got to tick Wyvern boxing off my bucket list. 

This oversized lizard pounced towards me, its massive form blocking the sun from my eyes. Fortunately for me, lack of sunlight does not mean lack of right hooks to mean, angry reptiles. The beats recoiled from the strike and was deciding to counter attack before I began to kick it repeatedly in its face, neck and jaw. Unfortunately this barrage of kicks did not allow me to see the tail that was about to sweep out my legs. I flailed through the air only to land badly on my ankle. I clutched it, wincing. Now was a very inconvenient time to sprain any limb as the tail wanted to say hello to me again. This time it connected harshly with my chest despite my best attempt to move out of the way. I was sent sprawling across the terrain and landed face down, feeling very bruised all over. I rolled over raggedly only to see the wyvern standing over me, its drooling maw now only inches away from my seemingly delicious face. 

So I guess this is how I am going to die. No big epic fight with the super evil irredeemable bad guy from my past, no training arc to develop my character and show my growth, certainly no mentor who teaches me patience and to stop making jokes in battle. If the universe had picked now as the time in which the hero nearly dies only to be overcome with some new found power and then save the world, then they should have picked a better time. I sighed and closed my eyes thinking back to my past and my first best friend. 

These thoughts of my past were stopped by a spray of warm liquid followed by a loud thud maybe a few metres to my left. These weren't the things I expected to happen before I got eaten but when I opened my eyes to see a decapitated wyvern and its newly separated head next to me I took it as a welcome surprise. I saw Penelope with her staff outstretched, obviously having used her spells to cut its head off. She looked at me frustrated before walking over and extending her hand to help me up. I pushed the wyvern corpse off me before taking her hand and standing back up. 

“Why is it that I'm always saving you boys from some kind of new situation every week?” Penelope teased as she helped dust me off. 

“Well I was doing perfectly fine until you cut its head off,” I joked.

“Oh yes, the elusive give up and let it eat you trick, only masters of the art of fighting know about that,” She added.

I laughed before gesturing to the very much dead lizard. “I'm guessing that this is the weapon that we were given the tip about.”

“I was assuming that as well” Penelope leant on her staff and blew some of her hair out of her eye. “Just to be safe we sent Thorn to check and see if they could find anything.”

“Well at least i can say i didn't break it this time” I said before walking towards Warren who was busy tending to a nasty cut on his arm. 

As we all sat down to talk, some rebels brandishing blue banners burst from the treeline. They charged through the wreckage for a few moments before spotting us sitting and nursing our injuries. They stopped the attack on the defeated enemy and sheepishly wandered through the battlefield looking for anything they could salvage or take. Some of them began to tie up groups of enemy troops and confiscate their weapons before depositing them on the back of wagons. One of the commanders, the one who had given the mission details if I remembered correctly, walked over to us to discuss our work. 

The commander was a young man in his mid 20s at most, with short trimmed hair that puffed up a bit at the front and a clean shaven face. There weren't many notable features about him apart from a thin scar that ran from his cheek down to his throat, and a look in his eye that gave away that he had just a little too much to lose.

When he reached us, he spoke enthusiastically but with a bit of caution, probably because he didn't want to end up like the wyvern. “Well done, you four. This is some amazing work, I just spoke to the general and he is so pleased with you all. He wants you to meet him right away. I was slightly doubtful that only four heroes could take down an entire encampment  but you have outdone yourselves here. Also don't worry about killing the wyvern we didn't want to go through training it. We have enough on our hands already.”

“Would you mind if we got a lift back with you, Thorn who is meant to be our navigator managed to get us lost and then unlost about five different times on the way here.” I asked the commander. 

“Of course, we would be delighted to have you. The soldiers need a bit of a raise in spirits anyway and having four fresh new faces to tell the story of the battle today is exactly what we have been looking for,” The commander replied, like he was reading from some advertising poster for the revolution “I'll even let you ride up front with me, i don't know your name though, what was it?”

“The names Kaz. It's a pleasure to be working with you.”

We helped with some of the clean up before all hopping on the wagon to head back to the city. I spoke with the commander, exchanging war stories and other random bits about our lives. Funnily enough, we both like our fish cooked the same way. As we talked and laughed, I felt something inside me begin to stir. As the city came into sight, I began to understand this feeling. Something in my gut told me that I was about to come face to face with a part of my past that I wish had stayed buried and left well alone. 

[ghoulishtomato]

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM KNOCKOFF MOVIE???

Under the "keep reading" tab, you will see a bullet list of my reaction to a movie I found at Half-Priced Books called Night at the Magic Museum. It'll be me pointing out things about the movie and what I enjoy and whatnot. I do my best to describe what happens in the movie but, again, it's mostly reactions, so not a reliable play by play of the movie's events.

First, the basic plot synopsis of the movie that they have in the back of the DVD case (which is completely true and accurate to the events of the film):

⚡ During a fierce electrical storm, lightning hits a museum creating a magical passageway between our world and the world within the museum's paintings. Ben and Kim (brother and sister) find themselves transported to a 17th century village under siege by Falco, an evil sorcerer learned in the ways of black magic. The kids learn that the evil Falco is in search of the village's most prizes possession: The Jewel of Polaris. With the Jewel, Falco will be unstoppable. Ben and Kim must save the village and return to our world before it's too late.⚡

Now, onto my actual (a little bit disjointed) commentary:

before the actual movie, there was a trailer that had some lovely 90s Fantasy Whimsy, and the scenes/compositions scratched my brain just right that now my hopes for NAT(M)M are probably way too high now. Also, the trailer was for something called The Tiny Kingdom, so ofc my NATM brain thought of Jed and Oct

LOVE the orchestra music that plays over a black screen as they list the credits. If they really wanted to rip off NATM tho, they coulda shown us B Roll of the magic museum. But it serves it's purpose and I love orchestra music so I'm not bothered.

We are now in 1632. A Sharp tongued British man named Falco is sneering at his subordinates (?) and my Red Dwarf brainrot has immediately projected Arnold Rimmer onto him.

Falco is kind of cunty actually. And also sounds EXACTLY like Rimmer.

Very obvious ADR for this one side character, but otherwise, not the worst production! I enjoy this!

This would fuck as an old anime, that's what the dialogue feels like.

It's probably impertinent that I tell y'all right now that I fuck with older shit and actively enjoy what people nowadays would likely call major flaws and "ruining the immersion".

hAHA ISTG THERE IS JUST SOME DUDE WHO ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO THE SHOT WHEN HE DIDN'T MEAN TO, I LOVE LIVE THEATRE 💀

Some... Editing discrepancies... They say it is raining outside... No it's not 💀 And not enough for there to be flashes of blue lightning visible from inside. But luckily I possess a strong will for suspension of disbelief. And the blue lightning is just sort of a running motif through the movie as a reminder of the real world while they're in the painting.

Ben and Kim are mentioned in the plot synopsis, but they leave out the fact they have a little sister named Casey, who I argue is pretty important to the movie. Kim works at the museum and she has to bring Ben and Casey along with her.

Omg, Armour in a museum. Like Lancelot.

Okay VERY obvious ADR line that was supposed to be said by young teen Ben, but the ADR'd voice sounds like a grown ass man 💀? Quite a few noticable ADR moments that don't quite match up with what's on screen throughout the movie actually.

Alright, paintings can come to life because of lightning. No Egyptian magic here.

God, Ben is such a 90s teen boy.

Very clearly the draw of this movie is not the museum- like at all. It's this ONE painting functioning as a portal and the legit world it leads to. Not in any art style a la the black and white painting in Smithsonian, or the Escher painting in Secret of the Tomb. Just a straight up other world. Painting just sucks Ben and Kim in after lightning strike and spits them out into a hay pile in fantasy land.

There's a menacing guy who fell out of a painting and is now up and about in the museum (not important).

Older sister Kim is coming to ridiculous conclusions to blame Ben for the situation they're in (a la annoying big sister stereotype) but Ben's responses are so calm, candid, and reasonable that it's not annoying to me HAHA

Ben's so fucking funny actually HAHA. Everyone has had at least one surprisingly funny line actually

This Fantasy world low-key reminds me of The Legend of Zelda and I fuck with it. Just a little bit. (But everyone is basically human here; no fish people, or even fairies or hell, not even elves).

Falco is such a cunty asshole. Excellent villain so far oh my gAWD. He's so evil.

People keep mocking each other in this movie it's so funny.

HAHA, OKAY SO- They gave us a magician guy (M) who indirectly is responsible for Lincoln's assassination. This movie is so delightful. M is my new favorite.

M is there, btw, because Casey likes to draw, and he's basic her OC that they manage to get into the painting (in order to help Ben and Kim get home and whatnot) by sticking here drawing to the painting they're in. Yeah, Casey's just hanging in the museum with a security guard named Monty (who also play the magician M. The actor actually has some nice range in this movie!).

If you're like crazy about world building, I hate to tell you that s o m e of the stuff about this isn't real clear to me (like, it's implied the fantasy characters also existed in the real world or something but like??? That doesn't make sense here) so like 💀💀

Fun and creative puzzle moment near the climax :D Just one though. Also, Ben likes to roller skate, and that's helpful for this cave he's in to find some magic jewel to help him and Kim get home (and that he's gotta find before Falco).

Also there was a cave in this movie that Istg I saw in a dream...

There's this voiceover narration for some "Tests of bravery and intelligence" Ben has to do, and the narrator sounds like Crispin Freeman to me, heehee (it's def not him tho).

Btw, sister Kim has been delegated to prisoner waiting to be rescued but this is a late 90s fantasy movie so like... what do I expect.

The acting is kind of 1 Note, all on the same level for the most part. It's not bad by any means, of course, they've all been funny at least.

...... This movie had an extremely lackluster and borderline disappointing climax with all the fantasy land magic jewel shit... 💀 Falco deserved something more grand...

Btw, remember how I said there was a guy from a painting wondering around? Well he seemed to be after Casey for unknown reasons. But he was hardly in the movie 💀 He seemed to pose a threat near the end, but dispatching him was "super easy. Barely an inconvenience!" (A sword shot out of fantasy land painting for some reason and killed him before meeting him back into his painting).

So that's it. Literally NOTHING like Night at the Museum save for magic painting portal. Again, as mentioned in my previous post about the movie (and based on how the movie just looks and functions) it was made in like '99.

So what the fuck is the deal with the EXTREMELY NOTICEABLE Night at the Museum coattail riding???

Well, the company that released the movie (from what I can tell) is Moonbeam films, which wasn't founded until 2012- bUT it's parent company is Full Moon features, which was founded in 1988. So if I were to guess, perhaps Full Moon features made the movie, but Moonbeam released it on DVD.

NOW, THE ORIGINAL TITLE FOR THIS FILM WAS ACTUALLY Search for the Jewel of Polaris: Mysterious Museum. But when it was released on DVD in August of 2012, it was renamed to Night at the Magic Museum (it looks like it had a few other different names it could've been called as well, including just The Magic Museum or Mysterious Museum).

Both these production companies or whatever don't make like... The best films, I guess. Or at the very least, very tongue-in-cheek goofy ass movies that aren't trying to be cinema or anything (which is so valid of them). In fact, Full Moon features is known for shit like Evil Bong, Gingerdead Man, and Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong.

The point is- they're not particularly high quality or serious about their movies and productions if I were to take a lucky guess (cause I'm not gonna search THAT deep into this; I'm not a YouTuber who can get paid for it 💀).

SO- I THINK...

Moonbeam Films changed the movie title AND specifically designed the DVD case to match Night at the Museum as close as they possibly could (from the composition down to the font) YEARS after the movie was originally made/released, and a few years after Night at the Museum released it's sequel, Battle of the Smithsonian. Hell, the kid on the DVD cover doesn't even look like the movie's MC, Ben (left) 💀 They just grabbed some random white boy to pose SPECIFICALLY for this.

NATM had proven itself to be- like- EXTREMELY fucking popular among kids, families, and a bunch of gay people who want to see that tiny cowboy and Roman kiss. Like we see with lots of bootlegs, they were likely banking on riding the coattails of NATM's success in order to make money on their low budget crummy movie...

Except like.... Search for the Jewel of Polaris isn't bad? It's nowhere near the level Night at the Museum is production wise, of course. But it's got a homey feel to it. It's got an actual story it's telling, and the actor's do quite a good job! (Especially in the beginning of the movie). It is it's own, quaint little movie that I would like to watch a second time.

To ride on the coattails of another movie kind of shows insecurity about the movie's actual contents I think. I mean, that dinosaur, knight, pirate ship, and weird alien thing we see on the cover?? Not in the damn movie 💀 This attempt to be dishonest about what the movie has to offer while also maybe hoping people confuse it with another, successful movie in order to milk money out of it just looks bad on Moonbeam Films' behalf.

In conclusion: Search for the Jewel of Polaris is NOT a Night at the Museum ripoff, and could never have been, what with being made 6-7 years before the first NATM actually came out. It was rebranded in 2012 as Night at the Magic Museum for DVD releases by Moonbeam Films. It's a cute, simple little movie with it's own charming characters and concept, and you can feel the human touch/heart all throughout it 💛💛

Thank You for reading. ☺️✨ Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be thinking about Falco for forever til eternity.

[sunfloo-wers]

The rambles for W O R M painting!!!

This one’s a long one so get a snack and enjoy the show!

first order of businesses is all the other photos I have!!!!!

Other nature placements that I got:

Then! The individual worms plus the back of the guys in case anyone is curious about the inerworkings and mechanisms:

The little guy in better lightings aka the floor:

progress photos:

The sketch can be seen here if you want to look at it :D AND THATS ALL THE PHOTOS!!!!!

WIND WORBS:

I forgot his legs had skin tone and fucked it up when I went to add them so that’s why it had to be cut out and turned into a month long project! It wasn’t supposed to tale this longggggggg!!!!!

Anyways I love how he turned out and he got a little wind waker too! The embroidery on his knees is little waves and I really wanted to point it out cause they make me so happy :D

I ALSO LOVE HOW HIS HAIR TURNED OUT it looks so floofy :3 he was also supposed to have earrings but I forgot to paint them… you can probably still see them in the paper drawing tho

Okay, so The Wimdy Boy, yes? We love him and you can probably recognize him, but everyone else is also here! Just in case it’s not clear, which I think it should be, but I also just want to talk about them soooooo

Hyrule: the fully green one with speckled bits. He also has the stab scar from Dink in aol that was revealed in “Scars”(I think that’s what it was called? The page with scars tall) He was probably the easiest to make but was also the last one I did so maybe there’s correlation there?

Legend: PINK!!!! I did him so dirty with this one he’s pink with Christmas colored spots and looks so goofy :D I treated his as a kinda dark world form so he had to be pink cause pinky little guy :D The Christmas colors are from his tunic and under tunic! I probably should’ve done a bit of yellow for the embroidery but ah well. He’s also got one of my favorite shapes of all the wormies C:

Warriors: BLUE BOY SO LONG AND FLOWY HE LOOKS LIKE HIS SCORF he’s also got orange bits in reference to his scarf’s embroidery! I know he’s got a lot of green in his design but if I included all the green they’d all look kinda similar sooooooo blue boy :3

Four: RAINBOW LITTLE GUY they’ve also got the goofy face, looks like a muppet, the idiot (/aff) the blending of the colors there was so annoying >:( how could they do this to me :C

Sky: Okay, I really didn't want to do worms in the chain’s clothes but I feel I need a pass for sky! The big sailcloth is so important to his design!!!! And he’s still got the shirt color and red gem bits put into the design too. ANYWAYS CURLY GUY HE DOIN’ A FLIP!!!

Wild: similarly to Sky, he needed the cloak. Without it he would’ve looked way too similar to Wars and I needed a big difference. ALSO HE’S TINY LITTLE GUY LITTLE LITTLE GUY :3

Time: I struggled with his colors but ended up doing the armour colors plus the face scars I SHOULDVE MADE PNE OF THE EYES WHITE NOOOOOOOO I FORGOT :C

Twilight: BIG FLOOF OF FUR THEN THE GREEN/BROWN OF THE REST OF THE CLOTHES!!! I’m so sorry dude, your placement looked okay on the paper but in a 2.5D area he doesn’t look as floaty as the rest :(((

YOU THOUHT WE WERE DONE? NOPE!!!! IT’S PLOT TIME >:3

You can see this one of 3 ways! (All of them can be correct, but they do have different vibes soooo)

Worms, silly worms doing silly stuff :P

The chain has been magically turned into worms! Oh no! What will we do? Luckily Wind is still Hylian so hopefully he can turn them back! For now though let’s have some fun, with the rest of the chain super light, they can play in the Wind Waker breeze :D

THE EVIL WHUMP OPTION >:3

So Wind is looking kinda magical with his white eyes, pose, and he’s got the Wind Waker out so magic is happening no? And yes, it could totally be a breeze summoning song, but you know what else the boy can do? Something questionably okay on mindless monsters and the good of the people and with consent, but if it were to be maybe used on people without their knowledge… that that wouldn’t be good right? :3

YES THE COMAND MELODY! Wind is evil and turned the whole chain into worms on strings because… uhhhh I don’t know why… emotional turmoil, grew-up-too-fast trauma, just wants to finally have a break and play, and you know what he can play with? BAM WORMS ON STRINGS >:3

:3

Even after all the time this took me I am so unbelievably happy with it, I love it so much and might change my pfp to something from it someday AIGUDGIDLHSOYCPJFPUG LITTLE GUYS :DDDDDDDD

Anyways, this has been all I’ve spent my weekends and free time on this past month, so I hope you enjoyed it and the rants! If you’re curious about any portions in particular then absolutely shoot me an ask I’d love to talk more about it!!! :D

[sketchfanda]

Chestnut Stud Across the Multiverse: Samus on the Prowl

Samus yawned as she at bored atop her perch at the lifeguard tower, observing the scenery laid before her. A cozy community swimming pool swarming and teeming with swimsuit clad patrons as she pouted adorably, feeling so bored out of her mind. Her toned statuesque form on display,as in a form fitting red one piece swimsuit which at the least reminded her of her zero suit. Which she reminded herself, along with her armour was stored way safe and secure back at her hotel room, the blonde bounty hunter thinking to herself the next time she saw Jaco, she was going to smack him upside his big dumb round head!! Still all the same, the red one piece felt as cozy and comfy as her zero suit. And the temperature and weather were pristine especially as it wasn't often she went much anywhere civilian wise especially outside of her armour. So okay Jaco had to go remind her the Galactic Patrol had found she worked and saved up way too many paid vacation days and she simply had to use them or lose them and earth was a relatively quiet enough planet to enjoy it on. But he didnt have to be a such a roundabout little ET about it damnit! But that was for when her vacation time came to an end and when she could quietly resign from this job. For now all she to do was stand around, look pretty in her red one piece and ensure lives remained safe and peaceful. Broken out of her thoughts as a toned, equally sexy blonde woman in a two piece white bikini made her way on over to the lifeguard tower. Catching her attention as she spoke to her.

Samus:yes can I help you miss? 18:that’d be just swell,yes it’s about my husband,I think he’s having a bad case of heat stroke can you come on over and check to make sure he’s okay? Samus:of course,not at all ma’am, let’s see if I can help you with your problem…

18, an odd name for a woman I Yiu asked her, but not like she was one to talk, sounded sincere enough if oddly calm about such a slight issue. But as the lifeguard on patrol,she had a code and responsibility to adhere to as she followed her fellow blue eyed blonde to where her man was located. Heads turning as many a patron,man and woman alike was in awe of the toned sexy blondes. You’d swear they could almost pass for sisters,if not outright twins. As samus found 18 taking her to a little cove spot behind a stack of rocks,showing her where her husband was. There laying quietly and calmly on a towel was a compact,five foot eben fellow with quite the body on him. Sculpted muscle glistening in the sun,shades over his eyes as he seemed dead to the world with his peacefully he was napping. Samus quirking an inquisitive brow as she looked back and forth between 18 and the shortstack Adonis just lying there quietly.

Samus:seems fine to me for a guy you say has heatstroke. 18:*matter of fact tone* Well as the lifeguard isn’t it best you sure he’s okay and check up on him?

Samus coul only shrug as he saw the logic in 18’s reasoning. As the lifeguard, that was part of her job. So she mentally focused as she knelt on the towel beside the man,Krillin she’d learn was his name. Checking his pulse and seeing the steady rise of his chest indicated breathing snd heartbear were all just fine. His temperate felt alright for a dude said to be suffering heatstroke but all the same,she had a job to do as she began to massage his shoulders and torso. Biting her lip sensually out of reflex,for such a small guy,least compared to herself? He was built in ways that would make bodybuilders envious as she then commenced with performing CPR. Prying his lips apart just enough as she pressed her on to him,followed by steady presses of his chest to put o pressure on his diaphragm. Doing what she could resist making her kisses less chaste and professional, unaware of the sky,sensual grin 18 began to grow on her own face, like a cat that caught the canary or the spider that got a fly in its web. Watching as the temp lifeguard moved from kissing air into her max to press on his chest, making the chromedome stir as his eyes began to open behind his shades. Vision blurry as she saw what he thought was his wife. Trying to coax him awake for a little secret fun time.

Krillin:damn babe,we just had a quickie this morning and You want to go again? Well not like I’m complaining…. Samus:*having only half heard him,pressed her lips to his once more,omly realising he was awake no,most definitely not suffering from heatstroke. Her sparkling blue eyes widening as Krillin turned the cpr kiss into a more sensual sort. From chaste to erotic as she found his tongue invading her mouth,probing her own. Aghast at first before she found herself moaning,feeling her sound tingle at the spontaneous intimacy she found herself pulled into. Returning the kiss as she deepened it, her tits pressing against his chest as she laid atop and straddled him erotically. Gasping as she felt the bulge of his swimshorts crotch press against her cameltoe,indicating he was quite well hung for a shortstack.* 18:mmm,Yiu bet I do,you short king…*purring sensuallg as she began to caress herself,rubbing her thighs together as she felt them become slick and sticky with her flowing arousal nectar. Giggling as she she saw krillin’s shades become askew,giving him a better view as his vision cleared to show he wasn’t making out with her,but with samus,who broke their liplock with a nice trail of saliva between them. Panting as she looked at her husband with the eyes of woman who had tasted a real man and simply wanted more of what he had to offer.*

Krillin of course immediacy got over his ock to shoot his wife deadpan expression,making it clear he wasn’t amused as his bombshell cyborg lady was pulling another of her lewd antics. But he couldn’t deny, samus was quite the looker, damnit what was it with him and blondes or androids? As samus recaptured his attention, leaning down to kiss him again,followed by kissing down along his neck,shoulders and chest. Kissing and licking down his abs until she was face level with his crotch, grabbing the waistband of his swimshorts as she tugged them down. Gasping in awe an delight as his cock sprung forth into the open air to smack her face. The scent of his manly essence flooding her senses as she grasped and stroke his shaft to full stiffness and erection. Re sing in herself she still had to give him his physical check over as she began to kiss and lick his dick, intimately making out with the tip before soon commencing fellatio. Inch after inch of pussy hammering,womb pounding meat dazzling her tongue with the taste of his seed as pre flowed down her throat. 18 licking her lips as she saw the crotch of Samus’ red one piece become soaked,her arousal flowing through her camel toe, knowing the intergalactic bounty hunter had now fully entered bitch in heat mode, another fine woman fallen to the Krillin effect.

Samus wasn’t normally a sexual sort of woman but that was likely because she’d never quite met the right sort of people, man or woman that intrigued her enough to want to scratch her itch. Until now, a she found herself,bobbing her head like some wanton whore, as if driven to want to deepthroat his man, make him want to facefuck her,give her an oral preview of what her pussy would soon be coming to enjoy. Before she knew it,she was riding atop him cowgirl style as she impaled herself on his shaft,tits out in the ooen from her swimsuit as they bounced and jiggle hypnotically. Her bubble butt being squeezed and massaged by those gentle and firm hands of his. Hearts glowing her eyes as deepthroated moans came forth from her luscious lips, uncaring who’d hear or see her right now. 18 all the while shamelessly playing with herself, fingering her slit and squeezing her own glorious tits at seeing her man once again rock some lucky,lonely bitch’s world. Before deciding voyeurism wasn’t enough as she knelt beside her and began to kiss her. Groping those fine boobs as they bonded jn their shared love and lust for the chestnut short king. Who groaned at the casual lesbian intimacy happening and the sensation of Samus tight,warm,wet hilt snatch squeezing his cock in its sexual embrace.

it was only natural then that what followed was a haze and rush of pleasure as samus experienced heretofore unknown heights of intimacy and sensual sexual bliss. Krillin fucking her from behind doggy style as she ate out 18, licking and eating her the cyborg’s overflowing snatch. To 18 eating out the bounty hunter’s own sloppy pussy as she sat her bubbly booty atop the cyborg’s face,18 wrapping her arms around Samus’ powerful hips and thighs as Krillin fucked his wife in alresd eagle missionary,hoisting her own stunning legs up in a splits as he and samus kissed with the sloppy thirst and desire of horny,hormonal teenagers. On and on th two blondes went at it with their compact stud whenever he would blow his load. His length and girth combined with his prowess and virlity ensuring they had so many orgasms on their end thst they couldn’t really see much point in keeping track or count. And how sweet it is!!

Samus knew this wasn’t part of her job but she didn’t crave. If anything she needed to ensure she could spend the rest of her vacation time with this horny couple. Knowing this one time encounter couldn’t remain just that. This amazing stud and his incredible cock and his kinky,sexy wife was too good to be just a one off, unaware 18 was already making plans not jsut for more encounters on her patrol,shift like this,but to get one another’s address and numbers and get to known one anothe better on a personal and intimate level,on and off the clock. The cyborg knowing her blueprint for success prevailed once in getting the wild oats of her man sown with another,hot sexy fertile woman. Damn was it good to be her.

[whatsagoodusername]

You know......

Recentely a trend is going around being like "If you could be a monster, which would you be?" Or something like that. So I decisively decided to delve further into this topic. To see which I would want/ like to be ranked on likeness, coolness, and usefulness. (For me) (Also I will not be counting monsters from anime and video games etc. Also I'm not the brightest when I comes to folktales from different cultures then just.... Hamburgers. So sorry I'll do a revised one once I'm done with that)

A shape shifter: This ranked the highest being a 28/30. So why a shapeshifter? Well 1. I'm asexual and demiromantic (Close to AroAce but slightly different) And shapeshifters in DnD, oyu know just like the holy bible of monsters, are immune to charm. 2. Name something that's light blue, light pink, white, light pink again, and light blue again??? Got it? Well did you say cotton candy? That was my first thought too tbh. BUT NO!! IT'S A TRANS FLAG YOU MORON! So I could actually be a boy FINALLY!! TOP + BOTTOM SURGERY IS EXPENSIVE AS FUCK! So I could finally be the blonde pretty boy my heart desired since I was 12!

Living armour: 21/30. This. THing. IS. AWESOME!!! I've Falin (Get it? No) IN LOVE with these things since I first read Dungeon Meshi (NOW you're supposed to get it) Whatever context they may be living by parasites, magic, a pupiteer, theese things LOOK AWESOME, REALLY BIG, AND MOST HAVE COOL AS SWORDS AND NOT WEAK POINTS!

Mimics. 20/30. I don't have much to say, I just want to vibe as a book in a wizards cave for a while, or a goblet in a dragons hoard. Just chillin'

Dragons 15/30. What isn't there to say that already hasn't been said, ferocious, cool looking, breathes fire (Or other such elements) FLYS, and loves gold and such. However they're incredibly clunky to walk around as. Like imagine me just trying to by bread from a grocery store and I can't even fit in the aisle. DO I HAVE TO GET DOORDASH TO A CAVE ON TOP OF LIKE MT. EVEREST OR SOME SHIT!?!??! NO! I thought of it! I would hoard gold at the top of my cave on mt. everest and the first door dash delivery order with bread gets all of it. But the REAL WINNERS!!??!?! The I.R.S dude they always get everything.

[taags-old-account]

I posted 22,731 times in 2022

That's 2,656 more posts than 2021!

285 posts created (1%)

22,446 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kydrakinetic

@draal-the-deadly

@theminecraftbee

@talesofarcadiaforever

@pacificwaternymph

I tagged 3,073 of my posts in 2022

#the arson human talks shit - 130 posts

#favourite - 126 posts

#ask game - 116 posts

#ask games - 116 posts

#thanks for the ask! - 74 posts

#gods and hunters - 47 posts

#writing tips - 43 posts

#tales of arcadia - 38 posts

#yes - 32 posts

#:) - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#'don't let her see your power in the daylight' could be a reference to the trollhunter amulet and sword of daylight and how jim needs to hi

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Sometimes a family isn't a mom, dad, 2.5 children, and a white picket fence. Sometimes it's:

- A near 1000 year old punk wizard boy who needs a hug.

- A very sarcastic talking cat with poor eyesight.

- A plant goddess.

- An Akaridion warrior queen.

- Her little brother, who gives off pure aroace vibes and can build a mind reader in 2 hours.

- A short gremlin king with a very large conspiracy board.

- A dude who's a fan of hard rock, and has a warhammer.

- A very sassy blue child who needs 10 years of therapy.

- The troll history teacher that tried to kill the sassy blue child 10x over. He's also dating the sassy blue child's mother. Troll dad #2 of sassy blue child.

- The Mother Of The Sassy Blue child. Who for some reason didn't think that something was seriously up with her kid. (Plot Armour.)

- A guy who was there for comedy relief, but somehow got a bully redemption arc.

- Purple punk child who got posessed by former evil sorcerer lady once.

- Troll dad #1 of sassy blue child, he likes reading and burning books.

- A Troll covered in moss, he's the wingman and a former pacifist.

- Former evil sorcerer lady with a similar aesthetic to a Marvel Norse God, but actually had a point.

- Adoptive dad of punk wizard boy. Who says he doesn't care that much. But he cares A LOT.

279 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#4

It's time for some Empires Propaganda...

Come watch Empires SMP Season 2! We have the following:

A little scrunkly goblin man who lives in caves and likes pickles and scams

A catwoman that actively commits crimes against humanity A totally normal human. Yep absolutely a human

A Princess in a pretty pink tutu that will fight entire monster armies (it's secret though hush)

The Sheriff who's definitely not a toy

The witch that got expelled from the academy for destroying reality as we know it

The Dungeon Master who keeps his dubious amounts of smooth stone inside a tomb

A 5ft 11ft god complex personified whose obsessions include dirty jokes, gold, and the word 'Lore'

A reality traveler who decides that trusting nobody and stealing clothes off of corpses is the best chance at survival

The self-appointed princess who decides to trust the little blue lights leading her into the dark cave is a smart idea to get a kingdom banner.

The hardwood seller, whose adoptive father is part rabbit and whose idea of father-son bonding is animal slaughter

Heterochromia but through nefarious skull means. And he's not straight

Pirate who asks nicely first before stealing any of your belongings

The one-night stand of a child who consistently has to deal with both of his 'daddy's' excessively worse-by-day dirty jokes

286 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#3

"If your wondering why I use he/him pronouns for the allays, I just think of them as himbos"

Thanks, Pixl for this new mental image /pos

289 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#2

Despite TOA being done, I am creating propaganda...

Come Watch Tales Of Arcadia! We Have The Following:

A magic amulet, which gives you really cool silver armour and a death sentence!

Cheeky Wizards x4

Murder board created by a small teen who has the ability to 'Tokyo Drift' a car

A literal hacker/Queen of an entire planet

Crispy

Jim Lake Jr, one of the best animated TV protags I've ever seen.

A hellfire of a movie

Magic Siblings :)

A dog who pisses explosions

MMMMMMMM GLORY

*enters Janus Order* *two aliens are playing techno music* *bones are everywhere* TEEN CENTER!!!!!

Getting possessed by eldritch wizards intent on destroying the world is completely normal.... IT'S FINE.

Strangely specific threats.

Really cool CGI animation.

"bUT A GnoMe IN A DOLLHOUSE??"

an insane amount of AUs

Haha what is this sadness? Why is everyone dying? *Play's STARSET's Unbecoming*

I suggest looking up the definition of 'Moppet'

The entirety of the word 'Buttsnack' being used so casually

"SHUT UP STEVE"

The Goblin Revolution

Jim Lake Jr, one second being the definition of a sweetheart. Two minutes later, "Hey Strickler. *spits in his mouth*"

The Breakfast Reckless Club

Steve's screams.

Troll Jim.

Toby being the bestest friend you could ever ask for

The murder of a highschool principal.

Assassins and Bounty Hunters galore.

See the full post

346 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The defining traits of humanity are NOT sex, romance, and empathy.

The defining traits of humanity are our creativity, adaptability, and our boundless amounts of hubris.

As well as arson.

1,730 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[painless-innit-colourful]

Invisible

Potions of invisibility grant the user the ability to disappear, functionally: the concealment of one’s self through magic, distilled into a draught easy to swallow. For better and worse, Tommy’s familiar with the taste.

It tastes sour, primarily. 

Looking at the ingredient list, no wonder. Nether wart and fermented spider eye. Gross. There are some things a golden carrot just can't balance out. 

It's such a disgusting taste he doesn't notice the shimmering feeling, instead focusing his attention on scraping a thin layer of translucent brown sugar-mushroom-spider ick off his tongue. Not until: 

"Tommy?" "Y- Bleh- Yeah?" "Oh!" Tubbo waves his arms in a wild arc, smile growing, before his hand collides with Tommy's arm, and he picks up Tommy's wrist. "It worked!" "What do you- Ohhh..." 

If he blurs his vision, Tubbo's fingers circle around nothing. If he looks properly, he can just about see the edges of his wrist, the lines of his shirt sleeve. "Dude, how does that work?" "Which bit?" "Clothes. My clothes didn't drink it too." "Dude, I dunno... My turn!" 

They learn to spot the tiny signs of an invisible person. They learn to disguise them. Tommy tries to tackle Tubbo and misses completely, and both of them fall about laughing. 

Call that a drug van success story. 

--- 

He sprints past it, hoping they aren’t following, panic filling his bloodstream. He chugs the potion as he runs, drops spilling down his front, staining his navy coat with off-white shadows as he shimmers and disappears into thin air. 

Please don’t see me, please don’t see me.

He stumbles into the shallow waters of the lake, wading - disturbing the water, too many signs, you're gonna be seen - towards Tubbo's tunnel. He takes three steps and slips under the surface, landing on his hands and knees on the tunnel floor, waiting, waiting- Where are they? 

There's the sound of an arrow seeking its mark and hitting true, and for a split second Tommy sees an arm with deft fingers and a dark blue sleeve fall over the side of the entrance, and then the body is gone and shit shit shit- 

Tommy sticks his head back out- Who was that? Wilbur? Tubbo? He feels the shimmering feeling again - "a quick escape", where are the others - and slowly drops back to the tunnel floor. 

Make a decision, what if they find you, Little Laddy One Life? He walks away, opting to live to fight another day, hoping that his friends will join him soon. 

--- 

Funnily though, while clothes disappear with the potion, armour doesn't. He doesn't know why; he's not smart enough to. And right now, as he yanks the shoulder straps of his chestplate tight, he doesn't really care. 

"Stop!" They don't stop, voices mostly drowned out by the overwhelming sound of rushing water. Dream, his face also hidden, but by his signature mask as opposed to the magic of an invisibility potion, holds his hand towards Tubbo and tells him "I need the disc." Tommy crests the wreckage of the Community House, no longer attempting to stay hidden as the water thunders down around his ankles, pulling him towards the platform in the centre. It's a bizarre version of the Pit. It’s an arena. It's a stage. 

"No!" He screams, as Tubbo takes half a step back towards the ender chest. Heads snap to his position, looking at the empty suit of armour that's just appeared beside and above them. Tubbo stutters something in quiet disbelief, and between that and the sudden attention, Tommy falters. If he took off his armour now, could he get out of there? Or would the same fate that once befell Wilbur catch him? The blame for this building is on him, after all. 

He jumps in, landing on his feet between Dream and the cabinet of L'Manberg. He is caught in the crossfire of their questions: "Tommy?" "Is that Tommy?" 

He shouts, and he screams, and he revolves like a merry-go-round, trying to keep his eyes on everyone, not trusting that his armour'll be enough to protect him from the sheer amount of enemies about. So many people hate him, he realises, it's 30 v 2. Technoblade would like those odds. Technoblade, who's standing beside him, not invisible because he went to get milk. He likes the protection; he thinks. 

They don't listen. Tubbo keeps insisting he betrayed them all by teaming with Techno, that he betrayed L'Manberg, but they don't understand, he didn't have a choice, "You don't know what he did to me in exile." Tubbo has the disc in his hands, and without having an inkling of where Dream's eyes are, he watches him consider simply snatching it from Tubbo's hands. 

"You're not gonna give him the disc." Tubbo looks at him like it's a dare, and why can't he see? Tommy's practically crying with the effort and exertion of watching his best friend betray him in slow motion, of being this close to his abuser, of being blamed for something he didn't do, of being beaten down every time he gets on his damn feet. 

"I don’t need to prove myself to you. This wasn’t me. Trust me. Jesus— for once in your life, Tubbo, trust me." Tubbo's eyes are cold, his mind made up. What happened to us against the world?  "I did trust you. Once. The first time all of this happened. And I won’t make the same mistake twice." 

There's a little moment where time stops, and everyone draws nearer like a crowd at the coliseum, and Tommy feels his invisibility ripple slightly, warning him it's about to wear off. Who the fuck cares. 

Tubbo takes a step towards Dream, and Tommy lunges to put himself between them. "Don't you dare." Tubbo's hand goes to his axe. "You betrayed me, Tubbo, you- Did you just-" Both of their eyes are on Tubbo’s weapon, when he puts the disc away, staring Tommy down plainly with his one hand returning to the axe at his waist, and the other taking out his shield. "I didn't betray you." His voice is level, all business. Okay then, Mr President.

"You betrayed everything that you'd built with presidents prior." Tommy's anger, and hurt, and frustration, and pain finally boils over, so much so that it's visible in the way he shakes as he brings out his axe. "You know what?" He bites into a golden apple, feeling its effects drown out the rushing water and the shimmering sensation of his invis. "You've got your axe up." Technoblade’s tone is surprised but light as he tells Tommy to make this decision wisely, but he’s already gone, his safety and conscience be damned. He throws himself at Tubbo, brandishing his axe as the pigman taught him, like he once practised with the brown-haired boy he’s swinging at, thinking You say I betrayed you? I'll show you a traitor. 

Poetically, perhaps, it's less like a fight, and more like a dance. They are a whirlwind - a hurricane - clashing and blocking and pushing and shoving across the otherwise empty floor. Somewhere in the gushing water, Technoblade's bloodlust has seized him, and he's gone for the L'Manbergians and the festival-goers and the unrelated parties that came when they saw the destruction, and he's scattering them this way and that, but who cares about that? 

They are not equally matched. Tommy shakes too much: there is too much of him vulnerable here, not just his mortality, something that neither invisibility nor armour can keep from being scratched and damaged. He's losing. He's quite badly losing, despite Tubbo's inferior armour and weapons and allies, and he leaps into the nearest watery wall, letting the Respiration helmet Techno made for him protect him as the water drags him under and away from his attacker. His best friend. He bites into another golden apple, his pleas swallowed by the torrent. He still hears Tubbo's shout though, permeating the water and being relayed through his communicator from wherever Techno is. 

"Where are you?" 

He pops back up, shaking and soaking wet and sees a familiar sight: an old friend, a brother - once - staring him down with death in his eyes from behind brown hair. He was wrong, oh so wrong, all those weeks ago: at once he is Schlatt, alone at the end of his days, and there's Wilbur, old pals who'll be the death of each other. No. 

No. 

"I didn’t betray you, you teamed up with the very person that destroyed us the first time!" He feels his invis shimmer one more time, and the timing is immaculate, really. Cinematic, one might say. 

"I went for the discs— Tubbo, the discs— The discs were worth more than you ever were!" "No... Wh- Th-" The world stands still, and it feels so good, it's so good to finally say it, to watch Tubbo's face fall, his shield slipping from his hand, listen to the reactions around their little arena, watch as Tubbo shuts his mouth and yanks on the strap of his chestplate and lets it drop to the floor, leaving him defenceless and open to attack and wait- no- wait- 

Mutely, Tommy’s gaze drifts skyward, and it should feel good because they know now, they know how he feels, but it's not, it's not good because that- that wasn't true. That wasn't right. 

And he looks back at Tubbo, and finally, finally, his invis runs out, and he hopes it shows on his face, that he knows he's fucked up because Tubbo looks destroyed, and a shiver goes through him because he no longer looks angry he just- He just looks sad. 

He takes off his helmet, breathing heavily from the ache and exertion, heart burning in regret. 

‘The discs were worth more than you ever were.’

How do you fix that? For one crazy moment, he considers the invis again. Turning translucent and running, back to Techno- back to Technoblade who'd congratulate him on 'moving on' and tell Phil like he was proud and probably write that line on the fucking wall, how could he be such a monumental ass- 

"Tubbo?" Their eyes meet. Tubbo says nothing. 

"Give him the disc." 

He looks bewildered, "You want me to give Dream the disc?" He says, the tiniest sliver of something they used to have peeking through, the bearest hint of kindness, and bless him, it's more than Tommy deserves. It makes him want to go invisible again. 

He smiles softly, and it can't reach his eyes, but he pours every ounce of good left in him into it and desperately hopes it's enough.

"Yeah." And because he's fucked up, because he knows they can never go back from this: "I'm sorry Tubbo." 

--- 

He's done it again, he keeps fucking up. Sam's hand is holding him down by the shoulder, firm fingers digging into him, keeping him from reaching Ghostbur. 

He tried so hard. His throat is sore from not coughing. His muscles hurt from the pure tension and adrenaline coursing through his bloodstream, from his stubborn heart to the ends of his fingers and toes. He thought he'd gotten caught when he drank the potion in the waivers room, and his heart had been beating so loud that he'd thought Sam could hear it. 

Yet, they made it. But it doesn't matter, because he pulled out the axe too early, and now he's busted, and Sam's gonna kill him or Wilbur's going to come back or both, and it's all his fault. 

Every time he tries. Every time he tries to fix things, or do what's right, or have something for himself, it's taken away, destroyed and he's kicked to the ground. Every time. 

It's enough to make anyone want to be invisible.

[tumbling-darkling]

Midnight Hang-Outs

This is a small crossover between Danny Phantom and DC! (Specifically Danny and Harley Quinn!) Following the prompts from Day 11 and 12 - Midnight and Scars (more of mentioned than revolving around it) Harley might be slightly ooc because I don’t read a lot of DC comics but maybe consider it more of like AU Harley Quinn. Mother hen. She feeds the vigilantes of Gotham on slow nights.

Harley glanced over to the boy sitting next to her on the rooftop of the Gotham Bank, she had been planning to break into it to draw out some fun with any nearby vigilantes but instead she had spotted the scrawniest looking glowing teen she’d ever seen. Well he was the only glowing teen she’d ever seen, but the poor kid was struggling against some freak in a white suit.

He had already devoured about 10 of the breakfast sandwiches she bought from a nearby 24 hour fast food joint, she couldn’t remember the name but her pal, Jeremy, always worked late shifts and gave her most of the grease filled wraps for free. Which she got a total of 20 and was beginning to worry that it wasn’t enough for this endless void. She thought she could calculate this kind of thing better based on Batsy’s kids, then again none of them had powers. That must be the factor throwing her off.

She glanced over him again, taking in his features for probably the hundredth time since she spotted him. White hair that gently wisped around his face like he was constantly underwater, pale blue-green skin with neon green freckles that sparkled like stars in the night, toxic green eyes that matched the freckles, flecks of blue hidden within the irises that shone in the right light. He hand pointed ears and little baby fangs, and his suit itself reminded her of the superheroes she’s faced before, but the material seemed all wrong when she got a closer look. It wasn’t spandex, or that thick armour like fibre that Batsy likes to use. She didn’t know what it was made out of. That flaming looking D was enough to hint at a superhero gig, like Superman and that ‘S’ on his chest. She didn’t care that it was supposed to be a symbol for hope, his name was Superman and that thing was an S, end of conversation.

The kid had taken off those gloves in order to eat, she didn’t blame him though, eating with gloves on was weird, and those white gloves would stain like a motherfucker. What caught her attention about it was the scars. Little one littered this kid's hands, and then there was a ligament scar coating his left hand. It was the brightest of all the scars, glowing slightly a wicked green as if he was still being electrocuted.

She turned her gaze back to the streets below, “So, what are you doing out this late?” She asked, avoiding sensitive topics like the scar. “It has to be way past midnight at this point.”

The kid glanced over to her, then shrugged, “had to chase Boxy all the way out here, the dude flies fast for a ghost obsessed in boxes.”

Harley glanced back over, noticing the kid now had finished the last of the sandwiches as he looked in the bag for more, shoving the garbage into it once he confirmed there was nothing left, “Boxy? Was that the freak in white?”

The kid shook his head, “nah, that was a government agent. G.I.W, or the Guys in White. Must’ve followed me, cornered me after I was already exhausted from chasing Boxy all over town. Boxy is the Box Ghost, blue ghost dude in overalls, fairly harmless but he can be a pain in the ass when he wants to be.”

“Want me to blow the rest of those agents up for you?” Harley asked, leaning closer while flashing a sinister grin.

The kid jerked back, “no! No it’s fine, just caught me off guard! I can handle them just fine, you don’t need to blow anyone up!” He squeaked out quickly, wildly waving his hands around. Harley couldn’t help but grin at the display, he reminded her a lot of Batsy’s kids. Energetic, good hearts (most of the time), think they can handle the world.

“So are you one of Batsy’s kids? Harley voiced her thoughts.

The kid blinked owlishly at her, “Batsy’s… you mean Batman? The Batman?”

Harley shrugged, “yeah, Batsy. He has quite a lot of them so I like to try and stay updated when he gets a new kid. You almost fit the bill, young teen, dark past, though the powers would be new.”

“How do you know I have a dark past?”

“Well, you said you were a ghost, right? Meaning you died and judging by your age, died before you even finished high school. I’d call that a dark past,” she kept out the lingering question of how he died, that wasn’t something you exactly ask someone when you first meet them. “So you aren’t one of Batsy’s kids?”

The kid shook his head, “nope,” he popped the p, “never even met the dark knight before. I barely visit Gotham, well anywhere if I can help it, I try to keep my problems in my home turf.”

“I see, you know what, I should’ve known better. Batsy would never let his kids run around this late anyway,” she hummed. “I did once see him chew a Robin out for fighting crime past his curfew, it got me arrested for sticking around to watch but boy was it worth it!” She laughed. She was surprised that Batman hadn’t gotten to this kid yet, anyhow. He didn’t always stick around Gotham ever since he joined that hero club, but that just meant that this dude had even more of a chance to find this kid. Must be dumb luck or something.

“Batman puts curfews on his sidekicks?” The kid asked, mouth agape.

“Well duh, the guy is all about the well-being of his kids. He has a no killing rule but he gets close to breaking it when one of his kids gets almost killed. He keeps them well fed, makes sure they sleep, I know because I can hear him from across rooftops at times and I fight enough of his kids to notice they aren’t skin and bones like you.”

The kid looked down at his ungloved hands, and she noticed him tracing the pattern of the ligament scar lightly with his other hand. His expression changed as he seemed to run through a series of thoughts before he spoke again, “why did you help me?” He asked, not looking up to meet her eyes, “you are a villain, right? You fight Batman and Robin, and other superheroes too if they face you. You know I’m not a villain, you said so yourself. So why help me? Wouldn’t it be better to just let a vigilante kid get knocked off so you don’t have to deal with him in future crimes?”

Harley felt her heart shatter, who the fuck hurt this kid like this? “I’m not some heartless bitch,” she said in a matter of fact tone, “you and all the teen sidekicks or vigilantes out there are still fucking kids. I have morals, and some villains don’t have the same morals as me, but seeing you getting kicked around by some freak in an alley where no one could see you? That kind of shit rubs me the wrong way. I fight teen heroes from time to time because I know they can handle it, they can fight back and I myself won’t stoop so low as to kill them if I manage to get in a few lucky hits.” She lightly nudged his shoulder, “and it’s not like you’ve personally wronged me or anything. I felt like being nice, helping out. You seem like a good kid, so why not help you out? Maybe one day I can call a favour and you can distract Bats while I kidnap the president?” She joked.

The kid looked up suddenly, sending his hair in rippling waves as he was giving her a wide eyed and the most worried look imaginable. She couldn’t help but let out another laugh, “I’m joking!” She clarified. “But I think we could have some pretty interesting game nights with Ivy. Not illegal game night, more like Uno or something. Maybe just a little gambling.”

The kid relaxed again, “well… uh… thanks. For helping me. And the food. And talking,” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at the sky.

“No problem, be sure to come visit again. Hey, maybe I can even introduce you to Bats at some point! Make a big show and pretend you are a villain and then BAM! Just kidding he’s just a glowing vigilante I helped out once!” She stood up, stretching her arms a little, “be sure to take it easy on your way to your home by the way, maybe take a nap or something on the way there.”

The kid nodded with a smile and stood up with her, then paused as shock filled his eyes and he spun quickly towards Harley, “Wait- how do you know I sleep-?”

Harley laughed, “well, I don’t think ghosts normally eat, so I’m assuming you sleep too,” she offered a soft smile, “just take it easy, and hey, if you ever find yourself in trouble.” Harley then pulled out a business card she usually kept for shits and giggles, handing over the poorly designed card to the kid, “know that you have a friend in Gotham who’s ready to help. And who knows how to get Batsy’s attention the fastest.” She winked.

The kid took the card, a confused grin tugging at his lips, “thanks. Hey, uh. I go by Phantom. Since I never really introduced myself.”

“Well Phantom, nice to meet you,” Harley grinned back.

[n-miri]

More Tommy-Purpled friendship content!! CW for: brief mentions of corpses and death (via being struck by lightning) 

Word count: 1610

On rainy days, Purpled polishes his sword. It’s a good weapon: netherite, with Sharpening V, Unbreaking III— the usual overpowered enchantments. He isn’t complaining though; the stronger he is, the better. He goes through a collection of blades, from the one he knows best to the oldest one he owns, on the verge of being grinded into dust. Wipe, sharpen, steer clear of rust. Keep the blade clean and dry. It’s easy to get lost in the repetitive motions. 

Dogchamp lies by his side, close to the fire, hind leg poking at his thigh through the soft material. Their ears perk up, and their tail begins to wag. Back, forth, thumping on the floorboards. 

A door slams open, followed by a myriad of curses. It’s the usual rainy day, after all. 

“Don’t let my floor get wet,” Purpled says immediately. His voice rebounds within the house, a meagre two rooms decorated with torches. A temporary base, if you will. One that he’s planning to blow up soon. 

His UFO was… 

It just isn’t the same. 

“Fuck you,” the trespasser immediately responds. The house is unbearably empty despite its miniscule nature. “I’ll do whatever I want.” 

A beat. He probably found the towel Purpled placed on the counter earlier, specifically for this scenario. Footsteps, sharp against the falling of rain—white hair peeks out from the door. Tommy sneers at the other derisively, before crossing the room in five long steps and dropping down on Purpled’s other side. 

This has become a ritual of sorts, with the two blondes (or, in Tommy’s case, ex-blonde) seeking refuge from bad days. Sometimes it’s sunny out, or the middle of the night; most of the time, it’s raining. 

The day they met, it was raining too. Wide eyes meet each other in the solace of darkness. The past is unforgivingly cruel, and whispers mockeries into their ears. Tommy looked so small, in the Church Prime’s pew; Purpled was sure he looked equally as haggard, hand clenched around the hilt of his sword. 

So, Purpled invited Tommy to his base. It’s warm despite being unfamiliar, and Dogchamp is amicable towards traumatised teenagers who need way more therapy than life is willing to give. They talked a bit about the stupidity of other members. Rarely, there was a glimpse into their lives, what they missed and have lost. Neither of them actively asked and, in a sense, it was comforting. 

Then it happens again. And again. Tommy pulls out his sewing kit on the third visit and demands to patch up his hoodie. Purpled teaches Tommy how to shear sheep, wool coming off in lines of blue. Just like this, they help each other. There’s too much left unspoken and no expectations to be had. There is no debt to be repaid, or a favour to be granted, or a profitable exchange. 

It’s just that. It’s just them, crossing each other’s path sometimes. Seeing how the other has changed from their previous meeting. 

“It’s stupid,” Tommy says suddenly. His shrill voice pierces through the haze of thoughts. Pale eyes flicker around the room, with shadows from corners pulling faces. “This is what you do in your spare time? Fight, prepare to fight, fight some more?” He scoffs, not even sparing Purpled a glance. “Idiot.” 

Much to the mercenary’s bemusement, Tommy proceeds to pull a cake out of his inventory. As in, a full-blown, home-baked dessert. 

“.... Huh?” 

An embarrassed scowl creeps onto his face. “Don’t be like that.” He drops the plate loudly onto the space between the two. “It’s edible, if that’s what you were wondering. I know how to cook shit. Niki…” Tommy’s eyes grow distant, fingers twitching, as if moving to punch the treat into oblivion. “She used to bake. A lot. Back in- y’know, back in L’manberg. I learned a bit from her,” he finishes lamely. All the bravado has left him. 

“That’s cool, dude,” Purpled replies. “It looks good.” 

“Wh- of course it does! I’m poggers at everything I do. That’s why the women love me.” Carefully, the boy flicks strands of white hair away from his eyes. “I’m astonishingly charming.” 

There was a time where Tommy’s hair imitated the sunlight, gold and yellow and bursting with happiness. He smiled more. Laughed more, too. Was more brash and insolent; was so willing to see the good in everyone he met. 

Now his hair is completely white. His dull eyes flicker around the room and his hands are always, always trembling. Tommy is different from who he was before. 

The Tommy and Purpled of before would never have become friends. 

“Hold up, let me cut it.” Saying that, the mercenary raises his newly polished sword. Tommy sputters, holding a hand out to stop him. 

“Why can’t you use a knife like a normal person!” 

Purpled shrugs. “Technically, a sword is a very big knife. It’s… stabby and shit.” 

Exasperated, Tommy gets up from his spot in a tangle of long limbs and half-hearted glares. “I’m going to slice this cake like a normal person. It deserves to be treated with respect.” 

“We’re going to eat it anyway,” Purpled points out. 

The other sniffs indignantly, turning heel to find cutleries. Dogchamp lifts their head in his direction, turning to Purpled, then back again. Slowly, the wolf raises from their sitting position and trots out of the room. Traitor. 

From the closed window, lightning streaks through the sky, followed closely by a clap of thunder. It’s loud, Purpled winces. He had expected it but- the sound still makes him jumpy. Rainy days in general are terrible. 

The patter of rain against the dirt and harsh concrete pulls out a vivid scene from his memory. Soldiers, rising out of graves, burdened by shiftless armour, heaving up weapons twice their arm span. Thunder imitates piercing shrieks, the blast of an explosion. Raindrops sound like corpses hitting the ground. 

Everytime it rains, he recalls that scene with bitter reminiscence; greets it like an old friend who came back to haunt him as an afterthought. It’s not the best way to spend his day. 

“You know,” Tommy says, having entered the room when he wasn’t aware, “I got struck by lightning once.” 

Distantly, Purpled thinks of raindrops rolling through hair and a shock so bright it electrifies the body. The event he construes in his mind, like always, paints his own death in a morbid way. He wonders if he died, would anyone come visit him? Would there even be a grave? 

“That sucks,” the blonde replies. 

Tommy gives a non-committal hum, shifting the objects in his arms. In one hand the boy carries a kitchen knife and in the other, a blanket. It’s the one with a UFO print on it—too childish for the purple boy’s tastes, yet too precious to be thrown away. 

Once again, the two -three, counting Dogchamp- are back in their original positions. The blanket is draped over Purpled’s lap and he watches, warily, as Tommy’s shaking hands raise the knife. At this point, Purpled would have offered to do it. He nearly does, too, but- 

Ten minutes have passed. Eyebrows scrunched, a bead of sweat against his forehead, Tommy tries to steady his grip and cut the cake in equal slices. It doesn’t work. It’s uneven at best, falling apart at worst, but- 

None of that matters. He did it. 

A ‘good job’ or ‘gg’ sticks on Purpled’s tongue, sincere yet worried of coming off as patronising. Instead, he gives a silent thumbs-up and hopes that conveys all the things he wishes he could say. 

Tommy grins. “Eat up before it gets cold, purple boy.” Neither of them mention that it’s definitely not warm anymore, with how long it’s been and how cold the weather is. Obediently, the teenager picks up the tiniest chunk of cake and pops it into his mouth. 

Sweet is the first thing that touches his tongue. Honestly, it shouldn’t come as a surprise— Tommy started over-seasoning his food after the prison visit, the same time he came back with a head full of white hair. That, paired with the fact Awesamdude said he had died, creates a sinking feeling in Purpled’s guts. It doesn’t take an idiot to connect the dots. 

“Yummy,” he comments. “Delicious. Uhh, what other synonyms are there? Delectable, tasteful-” A choking laugh cuts him off, too loud and too worryingly breathless all at once. “I’ll give this a… hm. Maybe an eight out of ten.” 

“I should have gotten full marks,” Tommy says sarcastically. “Glad you like it, though.” Underneath the amusement is the barest form of sincerity, and that’s enough for the both of them. 

“Uh-huh! I do.” 

Once the rain lets up, the two will part again. Purpled will wash sugar off his fingers, keep the polishing kit in a chest and carry on with his life. That’s how this has always been. 

But for now, light from the fireplace casts a glow across their faces, painting a sunset upon Tommy’s self. It’s reminiscent of older days, better days; ones that have long since passed. They’ll never get any of it back—family, homes, the people they once were. All they can do is yearn for what has been lost and move on. 

So for now, Purpled stops focusing on the what-ifs and could-have-beens. For now, he relishes in the warmth in his sides as he laughs himself silly. Dogchamp dozes off contentedly. A blanket is shared, covering his and Tommy’s laps, barely offering heat. The half-eaten cake lies between them and his friend is threatening to smash it into his face. 

Outside, rain drums against the earth. Neither of them pay it mind. 

[a-write-for-soreeyes]

HDYWTDT? - Critical Role Cast x Platonic!Reader [Gender Neutral]

An// I am back from talking about MCYTs for one day only!! To give you a 500 word Critical Role fic lmao.

AN// your DnD characters name is Lex as it is the most gender neutral name I could come up with!

————————————————

“Ok, and that’s Ashley’s turn done. Which means it is,,, y/n! Your turn.” Matt says as he looks up from the miniature battlefield on the table before us to look me in the eye.

“Ok, roll to hit.”

“Oh god.” I whisper as I grab my coloured D20, shaking it and letting it fall into my dice container. Feeling Liam put his hand on my shoulder as we wait for the tiny plastic to decide mine, and the rest of the Mighty Nein’s fate. Seeing the tiny die come to a stop I hear Liam let out a loud laugh as voices saying, “NO FUCKING WAY” “MATTHEW DUDE” “HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE” as I hold my arms in the air yelling “NAT 20. NAT 20 BABEYYY. PLUS MY +3 HIT MODIFIER. 23!”

“NO WAY. Y/N. NO WAY.” Matthew says as he leans over to check, getting his shoulders shaken by Travis as he breathes out a laugh. “Ok then. Roll damage!”

“Come on y/n! You got this!” Marisha yelled words of encouragement.

“Ok that’s, 18. Plusss,,,12.”

“30” Sam says from my left,

“Plus…FUCK OFF. NO WAY.” I yell as I clamber up on my chair.

“Y/N. DID YOU GET ANOTHER NAT 20???” Matthew yelled as Laura looks at me with shock before looking at the die and then back at me.

“MR MERCER. YES THAT WAS. Which means that I have done,,, FIFTY points of damage!” I say excitedly as I put my legs back on the floor, waiting in silent suspense for Matthew to decide our fate.

“So y/n.” He starts letting out a heavy sigh, rubbing his forehead. “Oh god.” I head Talisin whisper out from beside me as we all begin to hang our heads, waiting for my character to be pummeled by the gigantic ice dragon,

“How do you want to do this?” Hearing cheers and yells go up around the table as we all stand and start high-fiving, feeling Liam wrap his arm around me giving a shaky hug before turning to Marisha and Travis giving them high-fives. Then feeling my body turned towards the other side of the table as Talisin, Sam and Ashley give me a huge group hug before sitting down waiting impatiently for me to say how I finish the huge 15 story tall Ice Dragon off.

“So as I JUMP off of the cliffside I raise my long sword above my head pulling it as FAR back as possible before yelling, ‘THIS. IS FOR THE MIGHTY NEIN.” Cheers erupt around the table overwhelming Matthews laughs, “and I bring my longsword down right on its neck!”

“And as Lex brings their sword down right on its neck you see it pass through it’s body like a bolt of lightning, BOOM! Before the ear splitting noise the dragon was making fall into complete silence in a second. And as Lex lands gracefully on the ground kneeling on one knee, standing up to their full height you see the dragons ginormous head fall onto the ground behind them with a loud booming squelch and a small rain of blue blood falls onto Lex’s clothing and armour, coating their pure white hair with blue flecks of dragons blood.” As we look at him describe the feat feeling as though we are there, able to feel the last bit of warmth leave the dragons dead body Matt says, “and that is where we’ll have to end this session tonight.”

“Goodnight everyone.”

[smileybokuto]

10 reasons to love | Tomura Shigaraki

𝟙𝟘 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 | 𝕋𝕠𝕞𝕦𝕣𝕒 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕚

A/n: I don’t really know why I was so aggressive in this lol i’m sorry. It’s just I get heated about him because people make stupid points against him.  Also some manga spoilers please do not read if you are not caught up. 

Reason 1: He cares!! Bruh I hate how everyone calls him a toddler. Throwing a tantrum doesn’t make you a child. My mans tomura shigaraki protected Toga and genuinely cares about the LOV members. The reason he throws tantrums is because he regreses which is a medical thing he cant control tf. The reason he gets so upset is because he needs to have control over something because he doesn’t have control over his quirk. It’s a mental thing. 

Reason 2: He’s smart. Tomura Shigaraki or Tenko Shimura is quite intelligent. His plans are great plans. Yes they get thwarted most of the time but that is due to either lack of information or his opponents having overwhelming power. He infiltrated U.A one of the safest school ever before the LOV came busting in. Literally if Iida’s ass (I don’t know why I came so hard for iida here I love him) didn’t escape all the Heros would be dead. All might would have been dead since the first season. Also my mans had a tactical retreat. smart. 

Reason 3: He has ambition. This man created a whole league recruited a whole team to fulfill his ambition. That is amazing and not something a lot of people can do. People tend to have ambition but the drive is just not there. Shigaraki don’t care who he has to use to accomplice his goal he will do it. 

Reason 4: His quirk is amazing but also very deadly. if someone actually helped shigaraki to control his quirk maybe he wouldn’t be so scared of it. Yes some people may say he isn’t scared of his quirk but yes he is. he won’t even tough himself with all five fingers and he isolates himself from others because he doesn’t want anyone to touch him or to accidently decay someone important to his cause. Shigaraki’s quirk is amazing decay. Think of infiltration missions perfect. Or if he was kidnapped tied up not a fucking problem decay. A great power for offense and defense. 

Reason 5: Also like Dabi he’s a villain. his life will literally revolve around you. He will decay the entirety of the world to get you back. Dating the villain isn’t bad nobody would dare to steal you and if they do they have a death wish. Period. Shigaraki don’t play. mans is possessive. if it’s his it’s his he don’t share. Everybody has this notion like dating a hero is all that your ass about to be kidnapped like it’s no tomorrow where as dating the villain you safe in your house doing whatever the fuck you want carefree.  

Reason 6: Some people just like to brush past the fact that Tomura is canonically known to be kind and compassionate. Like he still is it just that he’s a Tsundere like bakugou. he protected toga even though he says that he finds her annoying. He calls toga and twice his cornerstones. You don’t put honorifics on things that are not important to you in some sense. also when all for one was captured Tomura was upset. When he dusted his parents he was sad asf fam. We just going to forget about that too. 

Reason 7: He’s hot asf. I take no criticism on this. his red eye with the pale blue or white hair is beautiful. I don’t want to hear anything about his chapped lips. If that is the basis of your argument you have no right to speak on this subject. He has the same creep ass smile as Kageyama Tobio from Haikyuu and yall still like Kageyama so I don’t want to hear it. My man probably has eczema I’ll lather him in cream cracked skin gone.  Even if it doesn’t matter aesthetically he is pretty. His color palette is Immaculate. Period. 

Reason 8: My favorite thing looking at their potential as heros. Shigaraki would be great as a rescue hero. It’s perfect for infiltration and rescue. like you can’t get into a enemies facility call up shiggy. Decay baby. Also I know All mights ass would have been invested in his training and helping him to be the best hero because of his personal connection with him. 

Reason 9: Another family man. He literally would love his family so much if they weren’t dead. How would you feel if you just decayed your whole family dude give the man some room to breath. But he loved his family hence why he still has there hands attached to him because he still cares for them. This is a quality him that is always overlooked this man loved his family and is still guilty ridded. Poor bby. 

Reason 10: Now Tomura Shigaraki is amazing in every sense of the word. He’s a character who is a character foil to Izuku midoriya and he is a great one. He is the antithesis of his own development and if it wasn’t for plot armour he would be just as strong as all might and even more dangerous than all for one himself. But tomura shigaraki is a great villain he’s normally foiled by plot armour or overwhelming hero force. Let’s not forget that heros need to fight in packs against him. Not one person can measure up to his brutal strength and when he gains all for one it only amplifies his already deadly quirk. hopeful Izuku can save him. 

[period-dramallama]

Spanish Princess episode 4 thoughts

In chronological order. With extra swearing!

WE’RE HALFWAY THROUGH AND THERE’S STILL A FUCKTON OF EVENTS THAT HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET AHHHH

-so we open with a voice we’ve never heard before and no visuals on this new person and then Bessie addresses the speaker as Anne so the viewer will automatically think Anne Boleyn, but then it’s Anne Hastings? I’m a history nerd and i was so confused i had to rewind. That’s bad direction/editing, imo. Was it really too hard to film Anne’s lips moving?

-”the blasted yew tree in the gardens” blasted as in by lightning, or as in he wanted to say bloody but can’t because his wife is there and she’s eight?

-”that’s a terrible idea” Catherine that is not how you manipulate Henry! You should be like “but if you make wolsey chancellor :( and archbishop :( he will be so :( overworked :( and it wouldn’t be good for his health :( he has enough to do :( and as he’s archbishop of york :( why shouldn’t he be loyal to you :( in York :)”

-COCKBLOCKED

-something darkly funny about archibald pulling on his clothes in the background like his main concern is not dying naked

-look i love meg but c’mon the rules did stress she’s regent UNTIL she marries like she knew that! it’s not like they hid it in the small print!

-also if you’re having sex on the sly, post guards on your door! with halberds and shit. Preferably Douglas men, so they’ll be less likely to gossip. There should be guards on the doors anyway, that’s how royal palaces work. (Granted, the whole Rizzio situation...)

-Don’t write to catherine, write to a functioning human brain. Wolsey, More, YOUR BROTHER*

*alright, semi-functioning human brain.

- bit rich to blame henry for not helping when you didn’t ask him and went to his wife behind his back instead. Sure, he should have helped anyway, but she could have been smarter about it

-”an army coming in peace, how do I show that?” Never heard of a flag of truce, Henry? Also, there was something in the Borgias about holding a spear that represents invasion

-”she risks your health” bish she said she wanted an army not KoA in preggo armour again

-Compton’s less of a weirdo in this episode. Inconsistency, or maybe he’s a bit more normal with Maggie because they’re now at ease with each other’s company? Yeah no it’s inconsistency isn’t it.

-Thomas More looks so done with everyone’s shit. Me too. I hope he has no more stupid lines, but just looks bored in the background of every single scene. and occasionally the camera cuts to him for a good “i’m surrounded by idiots” face.

-”finer minds than many men I know” yeah but that’s a low bar in this show, everyone’s on stupid pills. Also Wolsey and More were at least cordial IRL. There was mutual respect between the two, even tho they didn’t agree politically all the time. Then again, Wolsey is evil in this ‘verse, and the real TM was an ally of the queen, so...i guess they can death glare now.

-”I would have thought court politics no longer surprised you” “tell the scriptwriters that.”

-”you are too good for us all” just because someone loves their kids and thinks toadying is gross, it doesn’t make them superior lmao. It’s called being normal.

-Maggie Pole: ugh the court is full of schemers and manipulators they’re all disgusting

also Maggie: *manipulates Compton’s emotions, albeit for partly selfless reasons*

-like I get it, I like that she’s using her brain, she has good reasons for the scheme even though it’s dishonest, I get that she wants to break up her betrothal as well, but she could be less black-and-white in her view of court politics.  It feels like whiplash when both scenes are in the same episode. 

-the court feels less depopulated this episode. That’s one good thing. It feels like an actual institution.

-Georgie Henley’s poor back... she is the saving grace of this episode. She can do so much with just her facial expressions. 

-”I will not be my sister” bold of you to think you can ever be as cool as your sister, Catherine.

-Maggie you were doing so well at not wearing that stupid blue hood thingy. Bring back the halfway decent green one.

-”Wolsey is shameless in his machinations” look I can forgive the dudes being rude about Wolsey- they’re the king’s BFFs, they can be as rude as they like. You, otoh, Maggie, are on thin fucking ice. Don’t say that, at normal volume, at the dinner table. Where Wolsey’s like two seats away from you!

-Thomas More whispering like he’s David Attenborough in a nature documentary. At least he knows to keep his fucking voice down.

-”it’s late you should go home,” Ah, yes, Tudor London. Famous for being a place where a woman could safely travel through pitch black streets all on her own while wearing extremely expensive clothes and jewellery. You mean to tell me she can’t sleepover on banquet night? FFS.

-”we can’t be together” someone tell this couple that they can hang out without arguing or having sex. Play chess. Play cards. Play hungry hungry hippos, i don’t care.

-oh look catherine’s practical for 2 hot seconds.

-”you bog dwelling fuckers” THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE EPISODE’S TITLE, WE WERE MCROBBED!

-she-wolf is not a compliment! She’d be offended! Call her a lioness if you want to praise her...y’know because the lion is England’s emblem??

-”Sir Compton” this is literally a mistake bad fanfic writers make.

-Maggie being cunning! Yay! I would never see that coming bc she’s a dumbass for the other 23 hours of the day.

-Bessie already being Henry’s mistress but she still genuinely helps and supports Catherine in her confinement and during the birth and looks genuinely stressed when things go wrong, when she could just be downstairs dancing and having fun with Henry like Anne Hastings is...Bessie I love you ditch Henry and elope with me instead

-DROP THE FLAMING TORCH LINA JFC

-do you have a clue how flammable tudor buildings are? Don’t run with it like it’s the fucking Olympics.

-So the heir is so important Catherine has to go into confinement, but you don’t keep midwives 24/7 in her chamber, on standby? 

-”Prince Charles has a ring to it” I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

-Bessie’s face when the baby’s a girl...comedy gold.

-”I’ll speak with someone who sees sense” you’ll be looking a long time, Meg

-the issue should be Compton kissing a married noblewoman. Nobody would give a flying fuck if it was a married washerwoman.

-’flowers of England’ :) yes they are :)

-”if i had 100 men with a heart like yours I could have conquered the world” that’s actually an excellent pick-up line you DILF now use it on someone who deserves it

-Tourette’s syndrome confirmed!

-dirty baby nappies go in a laundry basket you freaks

-why is the Queen of England carrying washing to a laundry? why why why why?

-also the king of england would not have sex in a laundry. Looks dark, damp, cold, probably smells. AND IT WOULD BE FULL OF WASHERWOMEN AT ALL TIMES. Laundry in those days was a big chore, especially for a laundry that has to wash the entire court’s fancy clothes. You could have just had them banging outside in the grounds where there’s pretty flowers and green grass and then catherine of aragon could turn the corner and spot them. He doesn’t have to hide his adultery, he can have bessie brought to his rooms as usual.