#like metaphors and descriptive writing and stuff

[morganbritton132]

No one wants Steve and Eddie to get together more than Eddie’s creative writing class who will collectively ripping their metaphorical hair out if they have to hear another long description of a king in need of rescuing.

Well, everybody but Steve.

Steve - who is only in this class because they wouldn’t let him take personal finance three years in a row - has not pick up on who the king is based on and will openly interrupt Eddie halfway through a story to be like, “This guy again? Ugh, he sucks.”

“He doesn’t suck!”

“Uh, yeah, he does? He’s mean for no reason and like, apathetic to his knights terrorizing people,” Steve adds. “Also he’s ugly. You keep describing him and he sounds ugly. He has a big nose. No offense, Jessica. The court jester should kill him.”

“Thats the point, Harrington,” Eddie scuffs. “He could be better if his court wasn’t full of idiots.”

“Then make him better,” Steve scuffs right back. “You’re the narrator.”

“I’d love to.”

The entire class thinks, so would we.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

5, 18 & 19 for the fanfic ask!

Hello and thank you for the questions!!

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

“I have to say, Blanche,” Rose says, settling back against Blanche’s side, “I know you explained it to me, but I still don’t get it.”

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I don't really keep deleted sentences/paragraphs, unless they're full concepts for a scene that I might want to use in another WIP, but I did find a couple of sentences from an early draft of i would have said impossible [...] that got heavily edited by the final cut. I'll bold the parts that got kept in the final work:

"She likes to think she hid it well. She tried to, at least; bit back the most acidic jokes, tried to keep a hold on her sarcasm. It's not her roommates' fault if she's had a bad day, is it? So she tries. She listens, and she's patient, and she's affectionate -- and they seem happy. That must count as a success.

And yet, when she's finally alone in her room and ready to call it a night -- then Rose comes, carrying tea and cookies on a tray.

It's strange. She told Ma earlier that she'd like to be alone tonight, and before the door opened she only wanted to get into bed and forget everything until tomorrow morning. Then Rose came in, and she'd be lying if she said a single hint of her perfume and a single glance at her reassuring smile aren't enough to calm her nerves."

The gist of the passage remained more or less the same, but I hope it counts anyway!

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

I'm not sure I can choose the most interesting one -- I love learning and I've had a lot of fun with every rabbit hole I've found myself in for a fic! The most charming one, though, was definitely the little ornithology detour I went on while I was writing sonata for trio, which was a classic case of 'I only needed to find the right simile to add in this sentence, how the hell did I end up on the Wikipedia page for the American Robin?'. I learned a lot, and birds are so cute -- especially robins!! I had a great time reading about them :)

(I'm not counting my research on karst and sinkholes as a valid answer for this questions, because I already knew the topic well enough, but I did spend a lot of time fact-checking what I wrote. I don't want to spread misinformation!)

[✍️ more fic writer asks!]

[mortalityplays]

This is a dangerous sentiment for me to express, as an editor who spends most of my working life telling writers to knock it off with the 45-word sentences and the adverbs and tortured metaphors, but I do think we're living through a period of weird pragmatic puritanism in mainstream literary taste.

e.g. I keep seeing people talk about 'purple prose' when they actually mean 'the writer uses vivid and/or metaphorical descriptive language'. I've seen people who present themselves as educators offer some of the best genre writing in western canon as examples of 'purple prose' because it engages strategically in prose-poetry to evoke mood and I guess that's sheer decadence when you could instead say "it was dark and scary outside". But that's not what purple prose means. Purple means the construction of the prose itself gets in the way of conveying meaning. mid-00s horse RPers know what I'm talking about. Cerulean orbs flash'd fire as they turn'd 'pon rollforth land, yonder horizonways. <= if I had to read this when I was 12, you don't get to call Ray Bradbury's prose 'purple'.

I griped on here recently about the prepossession with fictional characters in fictional narratives behaving 'rationally' and 'realistically' as if the sole purpose of a made-up story is to convince you it could have happened. No wonder the epistolary form is having a tumblr renaissance. One million billion arguments and thought experiments about The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas that almost all evade the point of the story: that you can't wriggle out of it. The narrator is telling you how it was, is and will be, and you must confront the dissonances it evokes and digest your discomfort. 'Realistic' begins on the author's terms, that's what gives them the power to reach into your brain and fiddle about until sparks happen. You kind of have to trust the process a little bit.

This ultra-orthodox attitude to writing shares a lot of common ground with the tight, tight commodification of art in online spaces. And I mean commodification in the truest sense - the reconstruction of the thing to maximise its capacity to interface with markets. Form and function are overwhelmingly privileged over cloudy ideas like meaning, intent and possibility, because you can apply a sliding value scale to the material aspects of a work. But you can't charge extra for 'more challenging conceptual response to the milieu' in a commission drive. So that shit becomes vestigial. It isn't valued, it isn't taught, so eventually it isn't sought out. At best it's mystified as part of a given writer/artist's 'talent', but either way it grows incumbent on the individual to care enough about that kind of skill to cultivate it.

And it's risky, because unmeasurables come with the possibility of rejection or failure. Drop in too many allegorical descriptions of the rose garden and someone will decide your prose is 'purple' and unserious. A lot of online audiences seem to be terrified of being considered pretentious in their tastes. That creates a real unwillingness to step out into discursive spaces where you 🫵 are expected to develop and explore a personal relationship with each element of a work. No guard rails, no right answers. Word of god is shit to us out here. But fear of getting that kind of analysis wrong makes people hove to work that slavishly explains itself on every page. And I'm left wondering, what's the point of art that leads every single participant to the same conclusion? See Spot run. Run, Spot, run. Down the rollforth land, yonder horizonways. I just want to read more weird stuff.

[seaheaded]

𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐄

cregan stark x fem!reader

synopsis: everything you had from the moment you joined the dance of the dragons was ash in the wind — a metaphor you remembered queen rhaenyra using. yet, even after the losses, you could not find in yourself the will to give up on the world so easily. surprisingly, the wolf of the north seemed to care about your thoughts.

7.4K words

warnings: mentions/descriptions of death and war, violence and blood (brief), fire and blood spoilers, light angst, some canon divergence, making out, english is not my first language.

notes: i wrote this out of nowhere idk i was bored and paused my other works to write some silly stuff. i hope you guys enjoy it :))

“His eyes find you with the ease a compass points North.”

If you were not familiar with the princess — even in familiarity there were limits to be found in your interactions at times — you would not have scoffed at the words when she said them. In truth, you were glad she found you to be an amusing companion, or you would find yourself in a complicated position compared to the one you were in now.

I found a friend in her. Those were the words she used to describe you to her grandfather, Corlys Velaryon, when she demanded to remain close to you during the time of your arrival at the Red Keep. She sat beside the bed you woke up on, with a gentle smile and a tray on her lap, that she passed to you with both enthusiasm and worry.

You fainted outside of the Gate of the Gods, she told you then, as you ate bread and cheese for the first time in so long, savoring it in silence.

After that, Baela told you about the euphoria taking over King’s Landing as she helped to dress your aching body in clean clothes. It was unexpected, the joy spreading across the city, and spoken about with bewilderment. However, you understood it. Growing up like the rest of the small folk — as one of the most fortunate ones before you lost your parents two years prior — , you could relate to the relief of finding something to believe in again. Hope, as faint and ephemeral as it was, meant a lot when you barely had reasons to keep you standing on the ground instead of lying below it. Their fight differed from the soldiers’, but they fought for life nonetheless.

It was strange to think that if you were still one of them, you would probably sing about the events you were now part of in taverns. Would you ever find amusement in such songs again?

Following the people and most of the dragons, the euphoria had died as well, by the hand of the subject of almost every conversation winding the halls of the Red Keep since his arrival: Lord Cregan Stark.

Indeed, he was the formidable warrior you had heard about. With his army, he marched into the castle, his large sword in hand and a scowl that displayed pure frustration, alarming all.

You could comprehend why he was mad. Time was precious, after all, and he had spent his coming to King’s Landing, only to meet crumbs of the battle he and his men were promised. However, Stark’s judgment poured like ceaseless rain from that moment on, and you deemed his behaviour overly brutish at times.

The only thing that comforted you in those days was the company of Baela and Rhaena.

You shook your head.

“He looks at me that way because he suspects me,” You replied, watching the skirt of your dress getting kicked with each step. “I’m afraid he wants to chop my head off.”

Baela paused in her steps, pulling you to do the same.

“Do not say things like that,” She frowned at you. “Out of all people, you are the least deserving of any sort of punishment.”

This matter had been discussed before. According to Baela and Rhaena, Lord Stark may have brought the harshness of winter with him and cast it upon all people residing in the castle, but you would not be a subject of his penalty. They would not permit it.

Unfortunately, even with their reassurance, you found yourself tense as you rested your head on the pillow. Aside from the fact that he was still considering taking the lives of those he deemed traitors, and you did not wish to give him a reason to think of you as disloyal — as Rhaenyra once did — , you were still cautious about trusting your unconsciousness at night.

Clicking your tongue, you resumed your walk, and Baela fell into step with you.

“I apologise,” You said. “I just feel… Well…”

The gardens were finally coming into view, and you raised your gaze to the colorful landscape. Something inside you turned. All you could think of was the way the grass looked after the lethal kiss of dragon fire that night in Tumbleton. The smell, the smoke.

Addam. Dear Addam, the best of you all.

You still saw him and Seasmoke at times, the image of bodies on the burned grounds unwanted, but constantly plaguing your dreams.

“Hey,” Baela’s voice was gentle again.

Her hands found yours. Only then, you noticed they were shaking.

“Harm will not find you here, okay?” She continued. “And the way lord Stark looks at you... I think it holds mere curiosity. He is interested in you. Do not fear.”

There was no denying that you were a different sort of creature, compared to the royals and soldiers he knew. You were a bastard descendant, turned into a dragon rider, turned into a knight. But what even were you entirely? And why would he care about that?

“How do you know?”

“I have eyes,” Baela teased you. She intertwined your arms again as you entered the garden. “Do you not wonder what he thinks? From what Jace told me, he is a reflective man beneath the rest.”

You snorted. “Oh, you mean the way he walks like a bear, and that frown he has that is more like two bricks above his eyes?”

Baela’s small laughter grew louder like the chorus of a song people would stomp their feet to, and you found yourself giggling with her.

She tossed her head back. “Bricks—”

“Good morrow.”

You jumped like two scared chickens at the sudden voice coming from behind, and the laughter turned into gasps.

Cregan Stark’s scowl was adamant, it seemed. Even in the presence of Princess Baela’s lively laughter, it did not quiver. You would only judge him for it, or maybe laugh at the precision of your previous comment, if you did not feel guilty. He had undoubtedly heard your jest.

“My lord,” The two of you greeted together.

Cregan Stark stared at you as if he expected something else to come out of your mouth, causing your blood to boil beneath your skin.

From the corner of your eye, you caught Baela’s drifting between you and the man. She had a small, close-mouthed smile adorning her face. You wanted to pinch her to drop it.

“I suppose my lord wants a moment alone with the dame?” She asked.

Cregan Stark blinked, turning to her.

“I would, princess. Thank you.”

“Is this even suitable?” You asked as your anxiety grew, but the whisper passed by like a needle falling into the sea.

Still, you took the opportunity of the lord’s attention on the princess while she walked away to make him out.

It was hard to notice anything about him with the fleeting glances you exchanged before, but now, the light breeze of the morning caused his brown hair to dance over his face, although he did not seem to mind. Part of being a northerner is becoming used to harsher winds, you supposed. He wore his leathers, heavy garments compared to the ones you saw in the south your entire life, but the fur cloak in which he arrived at the castle had been discarded. That way, the emblem of his house caught your attention more than before, gleaming under the sun.

You looked away from the wolf on his chest when he turned back to you.

“Dame,” He nodded in greeting.

Since you were knighted by the late queen Rhaenyra, the word was attached to you. You preferred being called by your name, the way you grew up used to, and the way Addam, Baela, Rhaena, and Prince Jacaerys did it — although the last one spoke it with some disdain for some time.

Perhaps, the dislike for the title showed in your face against your will, because the lord frowned.

“Have I offended you?” He asked.

“No, my lord. I have something else on my mind.”

“May I ask what that is?”

“You may, but I will not answer.”

The scoff he let out possessed a hint of mirth, and was accompanied by a squint of his eyes, wandering over your visage.

Once again, you turned your head away. This time, you picked a leaf from the large bush beside you and twisted it in your hand for a distraction.

You hoped he would simply say what he wished to say and be done with it.

He cleared his throat. “I have been meaning to ask you a few questions.”

“Go on.”

“But why would I ask questions that you will not answer?”

You shrugged. “I will not answer that question, but you can ask others.”

“And you will answer them?”

You pretended to consider. “Perhaps.”

He hummed.

“Did you expect the words that would be said about you when you became a dragonseed?”

That was the last thing you imagined he would ask.

Was he indirectly asking you if you had become one for the recognition? You hoped not, because you already felt bad enough for being the only one alive at times.

“What do they say about me?” You asked, but the question held no real interest.

“That it is a surprise that you are alive,” He paused, thinking. “They started to call you ‘the last dragonseed’ after you survived the battle In Tumbleton.”

There it was again, the unhappiness of recalling that event causing you to feel sick.

“Nothing special about that.”

“I would say there is.”

“Are you accusing me, my lord?”

He hesitated, blinking a few times. “What?”

Your exhale trembled.

“I am aware that my dragon did not interact with the battle the same way the others did, but it was not for the lack of trying. She protected me, and fought briefly.”

Even after almost turning on you after the clash with Vermithor and Tessarion, you could not think badly of Silverwing. She had not offered herself to be a weapon the way you offered yourself to be a soldier.

You feared her cries would forever echo in your mind.

“I will not ask about that,” Lord Stark said, strangely compassionate. “My curiosity lies in your journey to the Red Keep.”

“Well," You gathered yourself. "I went to different places. I tried to find my dragon, or a way to Princess Baela. To no avail, of course.”

“So, you walked back to King’s Landing.”

You nodded. “I thought I would find Queen Rhaenyra here. I wanted to share with her the details of my friend's brave deeds, but she was already dead, and so was her brother.”

"Your friend?"

"Addam of Hull."

He nodded.

After another silent moment, he spoke. “I did not mean to accuse you of deserting battle or fleeing, dame. I simply am not familiar with you.”

But you wish to? You thought. How strange.

“I see,” You picked the leaf apart with small pullings. How could you change the subject and stop talking about those damned days? With a lighter tone, you tried. “I thought you were judging me from the moment you saw me, honestly.”

He frowned. “What is there to judge you for? You fought hard. Or so I’ve heard.”

“From who?”

Cregan Stark shifted in place, taking one of the hands from behind his back and levelling it up against his ribs as if he was measuring something as tall as them. “A boy. Very young. He has a wild look in his eyes.”

“The Blackwood boy?”

“So, you are acquainted. ”

“Barely. We met briefly after the battle.”

You pulled a piece of the leaf again.

“He said you were not the most skilled soldier…”

Something was missing from his sentence.

“But?” You lifted your gaze to him.

“It is a rather memorable description.”

“Tell me.”

“He said something along the lines of you making up for the lack of prowess by swinging your sword around manically, the way unfaithful husbands do with their cocks. Only yours is deadly.”

At first, you did not even move, taking in the words that had apparently come out of a child’s mouth.

Then, the bark of laughter that left your mouth shocked both of you, and you brought both hands to your mouth to muffle the sound. You had heard real and hurtful insults before, so if this was supposed to be one, it did not affect you. It had the opposite effect. You could not stop laughing.

Like unfaithful husbands do with their cocks? What sort of menace was the young boy to talk about people this way?

You wheezed, letting the feeling subside before attempting to speak again.

“I apologise, my lord. This is the most ridiculous way someone has ever described me.”

The corner of his lips twitched, giving into a smirk that made him look younger and somewhat teasing.

“So you didn't,” He said.

“What?”

“Expect the words said about you.”

You smiled and shook your head. “No. Did you?”

“Of course not,” He said with a small laugh. “But you seem delighted to hear it.”

"I take no offense in it, my lord. I have always been better with a dagger, anyway. Never had the money to buy, or the time to practice with a sword before going to Dragonstone.”

“You have some skill with the dagger?” His curiosity seemed to have spiked again.

“Certainly not as much as you do with a sword,” You replied quickly, warning him. Then, you jested. “Don’t make assumptions about me so quickly, my lord.”

He did not answer for a few seconds after that and simply looked at you again. Yet, you could notice the weight of the thoughts running through his head. The coldness of his eyes had melted completely, replaced by a light you were not familiar with.

“Perhaps you should follow your own advice,” He said, quieter, as if you were not alone in the garden.

There was no bitterness or mockery in his voice.

Cregan Stark was a quick learner, you noticed. He did not break the walls around you with the sort of honesty that made you angry, he walked to the gates with the sort that made you comfortable to comply.

So he did hear it. You were both mortified and thankful he was not being mean about it.

“You are a strategist.”

“You keep up with it quite well.”

“I agree.”

He huffed another low chuckle.

“I believe we have both been studying each other,” He said. “But I would prefer it if we did it differently from this moment forward.”

“What do you mean?”

“Would you mind coming closer instead of running away from me?”

Your heart sang.

Cregan Stark was no bastard, but what a bastard he was for causing that.

“I would like that, my lord.”

The nightly breeze was a welcome remedy after a nightmare. It hit your sweaty skin like a bath of fresh cool water on a warm day.

Tonight, it felt cooler. Winter was indeed beginning to influence the weather. Even then, the breeze was not any less welcome than on other occasions.

You rested your forearms on the balcony, humming a song as you watched the city to prevent yourself from thinking about the memories that had recently tormented your mind and heart.

Oh, tell me Sabine

Are your leaves still green

What did you last see

The Stranger or Catherine?

Sabine, was she heaven?

Did her honey usher pleasure

They say you never relished me

But not why

You leaped into the sea

Your corse’s roots run

The ground bursts for dirt

Tell me where to hide

From your song

My worst wrong

Your first love was sow in barren

Yet your arms I see growing

Catherine you won’t reach

For your sake

Refrain from longing

Your humming was soon joined by the sound of steps coming from the dark hall, where you paced mere minutes ago, and when you tilted your head to find the owner of the sound, you quickly turned away so he would not see the giddy smile stretching over your face.

You would not admit it, but you expected it to be him. Not deep down, but all over. Painted on your face with warm cheeks, on your arms and back with a shiver.

When his steps came to a haunt with the squeak of his boots against the floor, you greeted him, still watching the scenery.

“My lord.”

He did not answer, but a couple of seconds later, he appeared beside you.

You had noticed before that Cregan Stark could be silent when he wished, but it did not stop surprising you when he was suddenly there.

“Was that you singing?” He asked.

“Humming a tune, not singing. But yes.”

“The Leaves of Sabine.”

His amused and mischievous expression came back when your gaze snapped at him with wide eyes.

“You know The Leaves of Sabine?”

“It is certainly not a northern song, but my late wife was infatuated with it.”

He stopped, wetting his lips, and you could see the recollection of a memory passing by him.

“She used to say she would sing it to Rickon, my son.”

The wind cooled your skin again.

You were never as informed about Cregan Stark’s life as someone from court or interested in gossip would possibly be, so the mention made your smile fade.

You thought about his little boy. Did his father sing to him?

Yours did.

At first, you wanted to step back from asking anything, but you remembered the eagerness to keep you close that the young man had exhibited these past two days. He did not have to speak for you to notice he wanted you there, but he never refrained from commenting either.

Not to mention the obvious…

Would you mind coming closer instead of running away from me?

“My condolences.”

“Thank you. It's okay, now.”

You swallowed. “Maybe you should sing to little Rickon, then.”

“Me?” He asked, incredulous. “It would cause the poor boy to cry, not to sleep.”

If a year ago, you were told that Cregan Stark, the Warden of the North, Lord of Winterfell, would pour a newfound joy over your now shattered life and make you laugh freely around him, you would be careful to never cross paths with the person delivering the message again, for you feared people that spit crazy beliefs on others’ faces.

Now, there were you. Smile squinting your eyes and shoulders shaking.

“That only makes me want to hear you sing more, my lord.”

“Oh, no. I would do anything you asked but that.”

You bit your cheek. “Would you?”

He was already watching you when he agreed with a nod. Waiting, you noticed.

“Anything?”

“Go on.”

You thought. “No, but I will remember that, my lord. When I want something, I will tell you.”

“I will wait, then.”

You wished to know what went through his mind when you did not hold back from teasing him this way. He varied from holding everything inside or pouring it out in small but heavy amounts. You never knew what it was that he kept — though you enjoyed imagining it was the same you did.

“What brought you here in the dead of the night?” He asked, changing the subject.

The answer came meeker than you wanted to.

“Nightmares.”

“I see.”

He did not touch the subject, and that was something you appreciated.

You knew that he read you easily, the way you liked to believe you did him, but he did not hover, did not push you to speak of your pain. You wondered if he knew about avoidance as you did, having lost his family members in such a short period — for a man like him.

Aside from that, you wanted to know if he secretly waited for you to let your secrets out. Does he wonder what I have seen? Does he not know it already? All had heard of Hugh’s betrayal, of your and Addam’s escape, Tumbleton’s tragedies, and dragons dancing in the sky. In the company of young Benjicot Blackwood, he would certainly hear the details about those.

But your person? The life before? Your parents?

You caught yourself hoping he would be around for a long time, so you could both discuss intimate matters like those, and wanted to punish yourself for such desires.

Before you could attempt to shift the subject, he moved. His body was now turned to you, and you could see his hand finding something in the pocket of his pants.

He revealed a small, grey handkerchief.

“May I?”

Without thinking much of it, you nodded.

The fingers of his empty hand found your chin. His touch was lighter than the breeze. He tilted your head up just barely, and brought the handkerchief to your face.

You observed the way his expression became strained with attention, contrasting his hands as he patted your sweaty skin dry softly.

The fabric touched your forehead first, following a pat down to your cheeks. Then, he paused, turning the handkerchief around and passing it to his other hand, repeating the process on your other side. When he reached the area around your mouth and chin, his lips parted and his blue eyes met yours for a brief moment before patting that, too.

“There,” He sighed the word when he was done. “Your neck?”

“No need,” You mumbled, feeling shy. “Thank you.”

Then, he turned the handkerchief on his hand, folding it the way it was when he pulled it out of his pocket. Your eyes traced the movements.

“Would you…” You gestured towards the fabric “I could clean it for you.”

He shook his head.

“There is no need,” He said, placing the handkerchief back into its place. “I do not mind.”

“You don't mind the sweat?”

“Cleaning it myself.”

“Oh, right,” Find me, Stranger. I am ready. “Of course.”

He glanced back at the passage of the balcony, the moonlight casting shadows into the dark hall beyond it. His eyes then shifted to you, descending from your face to the hand that he was now reaching out for.

“My lady.”

Before you could protest, his lips pressed against your damp skin with a kiss.

You dared not move for the short moment that seemed to end it too soon for you to savor it, but when he released you, you pulled the sweaty hand back, covering it with your own.

The apology in your expression must have been evident, because Cregan Stark shook his head once again, and before taking his leave, he repeated:

“I do not mind.”

You stood on that balcony longer than you prided yourself on. Alone, catching the breath that had been petted and kissed away. Then, as your mind went back to his firm voice and gentle touches while you made your way back to your chambers, you realised…

He had addressed you as a lady.

It would be deadly silent if not for the sound of the thunder outside and Baela’s impatient pace, which without a doubt reflected the worry in her mind.

“He cannot do such a thing,” She said, “Aegon will be king. He commanded him to spare Corlys.”

“Sister,” Rhaena sighed.

The two of you sat at the round table, facing Baela.

Rhaena rested her arm on the table long ago, and now she lifted her hand to massage the spot between her brows. The meeting in the throne room had taken a toll on her the same way it did with you and Baela, but it revealed itself through exhaustion and anxiety, rather than restlessness.

You, on the other hand, rested both arms on the table, eyes fixated on the wood and mind drifting back and forth towards Corlys Velaryon’s honesty and Cregan Stark’s determination. What I did, I did for the good of the realm. I would do the same again. The madness has to end, were Corlys' words.

You did not doubt that the murder of Aegon II was not a bad decision. Yet, more than that crossed the mind of the Warden of the North.

Now, it was hard to think about him with affection. Your first impression had drifted back and covered him like smoke when he sat on the wooden bench in front of the throne and condemned Corlys to death.

You had not played the game as long as he or your beloved friends did, but you could feel yourself moving the pieces on the board as you had learned to do as one of the dragonseeds under Prince Jacaerys’ training.

There were still conclusions to be made, but you were certain of your decision when you first spoke.

Baela and Rhaena had spent the past minute discussing the current state of things, so your voice silenced them.

“I will speak to him.”

Your gaze shifted, from the table to the sisters, waiting for an answer. Their faces were confused. It was visible that they were not expecting you to come forward.

Rhaena called your name, extending her hand so you could hold it. Her thumb caressed its back, and her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

“Do you think he will listen to you?” It was Baela who asked. It was not in a mocking manner, but rather a perplexed one. “He does not seem to enjoy being told what to do.”

Gathering all the confidence you had left, you shook your head.

“I will not tell him what to do,” You said. “I will speak to him, and let him know he is wrong.”

“I have a feeling that he would appreciate that even less,” Rhaena said.

“What other choice do we have?” You asked, caressing Rhaena’s hand back. “I do not want to see your grandfather die, too. I am not a princess, or a lady, but…”

Cregan Stark had called you a lady before. He had demonstrated affection and respect that night in the balcony, and on every other small interaction. You appreciated it, and wanted to believe he was better and smarter.

Baela approached you, resting a hand on your shoulder.

“You understand that we both see your sacrifices, do you not?” She asked.

You were ready to reply, but she cut you.

“I do not speak of your growing affection for the lord as a sacrifice for us,” She said. “But the way you hold back from giving yourself to him entirely. I can see it. I know what it is like. But he… He might not be as you believe, and I do not want to see you hurt because of it.”

“Are you asking me not to try?”

She hesitated. “I am doing my best to think about your feelings. I do want you to try, but you are our friend, and I want you to remember that.”

“My apologies, but I do not see how you could convince someone so stubborn,” Rhaena said.

“Baela convinced him to spare her rescuers earlier,” You shrugged.

It was impressive. You were used to Baela’s intrepid nature, but seeing Cregan Stark smile and letting her ‘keep her dogs’ as she waved a sword around and threatened those trying to harm the men who had saved her raised your spirits.

“This is different,” Rhaena said.

You sighed. “I know. But Aegon’s wish to spare him has not been heard.”

There were no other ideas. All of you seemed to fall into a silent agreement that nothing else would grow in that soil.

“You will speak to him, and if he does not change his mind, do not let it break your heart, do you hear me?” Baela warned you. “He is a stubborn and cold man, beneath it all.”

Funny.

To you, it was the opposite. He was stubborn and cold outside, while the flicker of warmth and kindness hid inside.

But there was something to be doubted about Cregan Stark’s person, indeed: How far did that stubbornness, pride, and control go?

You nodded.

What was the threat of a broken heart to someone who had experience in putting it back together?

Ice, the sword, was magnificently frightening. Its blade was wider than your palm, and even on Cregan Stark’s back, the length did not contract to one less threatening.

Now, it rested over his lap.

“My lord.”

His gaze lifted from the blade he sharpened, ceasing his motions.

“My lady.”

“Dame.” You corrected.

He traced your face, trying to unmask the reason behind your sternness. In truth, you had planned to speak kindly, but you would be lying to yourself and him with false gentleness. You did not wish to lie today.

“Aye,” He said, carefully. “May I ask—”

“I would like to question you instead, my lord,” You said. You held your skirts, approaching the small sofa where he sat. You stood in front of him. “May I?”

“You may,” He responded immediately, but the puzzlement in his tone was clear.

“Are you aware that Corlys Velaryon opened the gates for you and your men even after the end, my lord?”

The confusion quickly became annoyance. Cregan Stark turned his head away from you, analysing your question.

When he lifted his head, he was scowling again.

“So, that’s what this is about?” He asked. “You are here to interrogate me on behalf of the traitor of kings.”

You frowned.

“Aegon II was a usurper and a threat to the realm.”

“What does that change about Velaryon’s actions?”

“It was not a simple betrayal. Do you know what Aegon was like?”

“This is not about Aegon II.”

“No?” You asked. “Why would it not count?”

“I would have to spare Lord Strong, and all the others if I thought this way.”

“It is not the same.”

“On that, we agreed. Corlys Velaryon’s betrayal was worse. At least the others were not turncoats.”

“Both times, I know he asked for peace. Is it not the same you are doing now?”

“I am serving peace, not asking for it.”

“This is what he did by poisoning Aegon. And it was not his direct action or command, either,” You shook your head. “It is clear to me now. You took control to make up for not being able to meet battle after deciding to march two years later, did you not?”

He got up then, laying the large sword on the sofa and turning to you with a posture less restrained than the one he usually had. Just like the day the doors opened to the large wolf of the north. Bitter.

“Do you feel remorseful for that, my lord?” You continued. “Is that the reason why you are so adamant—”

“My absence was justifiable, and so is my sentence for Corlys Velaryon. Do not toy with me.”

“The future king agreed to spare him.”

“He is a boy. The reason why he agreed was because of the whispers of his sisters.”

“His sisters seem to understand the needs of the realm, then.”

“Oh, indeed,” He said, sarcastically. His eyes sharpened. “They whisper in your ear too.”

You bit your tongue. “I am not a child.”

“Yet you let yourself be manipulated?”

“I do not let myself be manipulated, I chose to be here. Do you think I needed to be tempted to speak to you? That I was scared to come?”

“You seem out of place to me.”

“I am not,” You bit back. “Although, I can see you feed off the fear you have cast upon the others.”

He shook his head with surprise. “I am protecting the future of this land.”

“Yet you would let it bleed again!”

“In what way would I do that?!”

“The execution of Corlys Velaryon will only provoke revenge. His son, Alyn, possesses navy power and could easily blockade multiple cities. You know that. It should not be difficult to understand that this would only extend the war you wish to end.”

In the short absence of your argument, the sound of fire flickering in the fireplace became as loud as the storm brewing, mingling with both of your heavy breaths, which only now did you come to realize were closer than ever before — although not as close as once you had wished.

“Is that the point you came here to make?”

His voice was quieter now, thicker with hesitation. He was tired of speaking loudly as you were before.

You swallowed, drifting your gaze to the wolf on his chest.

You were tired too. For too long now, in fact.

“Yes.”

“If it was not for the good of the realm, would you let me proceed?”

You thought of Baela and Rhaena’s faces. The burnt scar across Baela’s cheek. My friends. Girls who had lost so much in this war, once again losing family and watching battles unfolding.

The understanding of such pain came with the will to not let it befall those you adored without trying to stop it first.

“I see your argument, my lord,” Your tone was hushed as well. You lifted your gaze to his. “If not for the good of the realm, the will to see you would be weaker, perhaps. But I would still be here. I have seen King’s Landing from places that you never had to. It is the main reason why I am here. But I care about my friends, too. I would never forgive myself for not trying to protect them.”

Not again.

“My last question is: as you look forward and see the deaths, do you care?”

“You forget that winter has come, dame.”

“Or do you? When my city becomes ruins, who do you think I will blame?”

That silenced him.

He took a step back, blue eyes slightly wider.

“If…” You fisted your skirts, shutting your eyes. When you opened, you did not let it waver. “If you would do only one thing that I ask for, my lord, let it be this. Do not sing for me, but let the city do it with songs of peace.”

The rain washed the blood of Larys Strong’s decapitated head, but it kept flowing from his body. Then, when you least expected, Cregan raised his sword again and sliced off his clubfoot.

For some reason, that made you hiss like you had not done when the head fell.

“Small favours, I suppose,” Came the voice of Benjicot Blackwood, who stood beside you. He looked up at you, raising his eyebrows. “Imagine having to worry about a foot in hell.”

You did not reply, but tilted your head at the comment.

“Who is it now?” He asked the other woman beside him. His aunt, Alysanne.

“The Velaryon,” She whispered, in a way you could barely hear above the heavy rain. “Now, shut up. His family is here.”

Her eyes met yours above the boy’s head, and she offered a polite smile that you tried your best to return.

Your lips trembled, and you knew it was not only because of the cold. If not for the rain, the tears falling down your cheeks, which matched Rhaena and Baela’s, would be a clear sign of your grief. Not only for Corlys Velaryon, but for the city you never grew to love, but learned to mourn for those who would never find anything better.

They would die there.

Rhaena stood between you and Baela, an arm intertwined with her sister’s, and her other hand holding yours. Her head was raised, but her eyes were cast down.

Baela, on the other hand, stood and stared. She was like a statue in place. On the receiving end of her piercing stare, stood the warden.

Cregan was soaked to the bone. His hair was glued to his face, and his cloak would protect his body if he had chosen to wear it, but he did not. The cold walked with him there.

He watched the body of Larys Strong be dragged away, then tossed his head up, lifting a hand to wipe his eyes from the downpour. He did not look tired, but the job was not welcoming in that weather.

Then, he turned around, and extended his arm as if to motion the guards to stop.

Everyone watched intently as he approached them.

“What is going on?” Benjicot asked for no answer.

Cregan then walked back to the center of the patio, raising his head for all to see him.

“The Sea Snake will not die today. As the hand of future king, Aegon III, I will grant his wishes to spare him.”

Immediately, the crowd erupted into enthusiastic and bewildered conversation.

Your head snapped to Rhaena. She let out a surprised cry, embracing her sister tightly as her hand pulled you closer to them.

“I thought you said you did not manage to convince him,” She said, loud only for the three of you to hear.

Baela smiled, victorious, hugging you with one arm.

“It was what I thought it happened,” You said, completely lost. “He was stubborn like you said.”

“What did you offer him, then?”

“Offer?” You frowned. “I… I didn't offer anything.”

When you looked back to find the man, he was gone.

You bolted through the halls.

The fabrics of your dress felt heavy in your hold, even heavier now that they were wet after standing under the ceaseless rain for a long time, and dripped water behind you as you followed the path from the previous evening — the one that led to Cregan Stark’s chambers.

That day had awakened dark, and so were the shadows being cast by the columns and window frames, limiting a bit of your vision as you tried not to misstep your way up the stairs.

There were no men outside his doors, so you pushed the heavy wood without knocking.

He walked out of the right side of the chambers quickly. He had Ice in his hands, but when he saw you, the desperation in your face, and the quickness of your breath, he lowered it.

His gaze studied you briefly, then he offered a polite nod, the same one he gave you the first time you talked.

“Dame,” He greeted.

You did not think before letting your feet take you forward. You did not speak, or greet him back. Instead, you welcomed yourself over him.

He froze when your arms embraced his shoulders, but you did not move away.

“Thank you,” You exhaled into his wet hair. Your head was nested over the covered space between his neck and shoulder.

You could not see him or his reaction to this, but you hoped it was not a scowl. Please, you thought. Although, you did not know what exactly you wanted either. Anything, perhaps. Whatever he had to offer.

You felt one of his arms wrapping around your middle, glued to his, and the other half of his body turning as he extended his arm. Then, came the sound of Ice’s blade, resting somewhere.

Lastly, his other hand found your head, caressing your soaked mane.

“You spared him,” You said, still stunned.

“You asked me to.”

You opened your eyes, exhaling in the comfort of his embrace. Then, you separated yourself from him.

His reaction was immediate, His arms rested beside him, and he stood erect and serious. The soldier he was.

“Did you spare him, and the city, because I asked you to?” You questioned, quietly. “I came to talk and make you see my side. I only pleaded for your mercy out of desperation.”

“You did,” His eyes darted between yours. “Make me see, that is. I apologise for my reaction, I… I think I am used to my authority and not to being told what to do.”

A tired smile crossed your lips before it fell.

“I did not tell you to do anything.”

“Yes, I know,” He agreed quickly, taking a step closer. “What I mean is that, even then, I find myself willing to do whatever you want.”

“I know you are no fool,” He continued. There was hesitance between his phrases, as if he was figuring out what he wanted to convey. “You see the way I look at you.”

The question flickered in his eyes. You responded with a nod.

“I also find myself thinking that this is not enough,” He sighed. “When you tried to convince me to spare Corlys Velaryon, I imagined you were being selfish for your friends. Then, you spoke of the city, of ruins, and I discovered the selfish one was me. I am not the best man in the world, and I will admit that much.”

“I am selfish, too,” You whispered.

He hesitated even longer this time. “For agreeing with my point about treason, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“That does not make you selfish. You are more considerate. You are kind. And… you were right.”

When your eyebrows shot up, he nodded.

“We got here too late. There was nothing left for my army. I was spiteful.”

“You were not entirely wrong for what you did,” You said. “You put an end to the war.”

“It would relent, if not for you pointing this out and making me understand,” He looked down. “I could not let myself be the cause of more destruction, nor your hatred. I did not come here to be that man.”

You closed your mouth, understanding it.

Deciding to consent to your wishes, you stepped forward as well, until you found him as close as he was on the previous night.

Your hands found one of his, enveloping it and bringing it close to you. Then, you lifted your head.

This time, there was no mirth, no confusion, and no anger. He was there as he was, and you could feel it in your bones.

“I am not the best person in the world, either, Cregan.”

His gaze fell to your mouth when his name came out of it.

“You are better than me.” His other hand came to rest on your face, and he smiled at you. “If I were you, that night on the balcony, I would ask you to be mine immediately.”

You mimicked his actions, removing one of your hands from his and bringing it to his face. “Well, you did spare Corlys Velaryon. In exchange, I would like to give you the only thing I have to offer.”

He understood your words instantly.

“I did not do that because I wanted something from you.”

You almost threw your head back, not being able to contain your laughter this time.

“That is exactly why I am here,” You told him.

“Tell me, then,” He asked. “That you want to be my lady.”

You hesitated.

“Will you listen to me when I talk about my nightmares and the person I was before I became a knight?”

“Every day,” He promised. “Will you let me take care of you and ask for your counsel?”

“I will.”

All that was left for you to do was mold yourself in his hold as his mouth searched for every bit of flesh and breath in yours.

His arm that previously held your middle was back there, pulling you tight enough to make you feel hot under the wet fabric, and his other hand rested on the side of your neck, tilting your head gently as your damp lips met with wet sounds that made you and him grunt softly whenever they collided perfectly.

Soon enough, he walked with you in his hold, provoking your hands to pull him by the shoulder and grip his hair.

Your backside found the heavy table of the room, but instead of sitting you on top of it the way you expected, Cregan rested his hands on your hips to keep you there, making arch your back as his mouth found your neck.

“Don't worry, for I will not take you here,” He said. “But, please...”

“I’m not worried,” You gasped, closing your eyes. “I would not mind if you did.”

He hummed, mouthing a spot on your neck continuously for a few seconds before raising his head.

“Not like this,” He kissed your lips once. “First, I will let you pass from a dame to a lady.”

You snorted, making him cease his movements.

“Are you mocking me?” He asked.

“No, I swear. It's just… I hate being called a dame.”

Cregan blinked. “You do?”

You nodded, laughing. “When I was knighted, I thought I was going to be called ser, like the rest. Then, Daemon Targaryen called me a dame. Oh, I hated it.”

The man laughed freely now.

“Every day,” He repeated. “I want to listen to you every day, my lady.”

The droplets of winter rain ran down your body, but in him you found warmth for a lifetime.

he licked his lips after kissing the back of her hand like a DOG!

wishing all of you a great day/night <3

unrelated, but i was thinking about making a character x bard reader fanfic. do you guys have any suggestions for what character should be her love interest?

[vxsellie]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚. GHOSTS OF SACRILEGE !

synopsis. fbi agent!ellie williams x nun!reader ; it's truly no shock that the entirety of west virginia is emerged by trepidation, considering hundreds of residents have gone missing within the past three months. as a form of consolation for those fearful, an esteemed fbi agent is sent to investigate. what she finds, however, is more than she could ever have expected.

notes. this piece is part of the mythologica challenge! i tried my absolute hardest to do the theme justice bc of how good it is. also pls note that every town mentioned is real & i did a decent amount of research on each one, but that doesn't at all mean that it's entirely accurate. i've been to some of the places, but not all also ! this is my first time ever writing detailed smut so i literally know none of the correct words to use or how to describe what's happening & it might turn out being literal dog shit,, if that's the case i apologize!

warnings. religious horror, an attempt at writing smut, angst, plot twists, horrible world building, major character death x2, possessive / obsessive romance, descriptive gore, blood, satanic rituals, human sacrifice, blood, oral (r! receiving), brief mentions of abuse & assault, murder as a metaphor, past animal death, long exposition i'm sorry, and - last but most important - the sweet release of desecrating salvation.

wc. 9.5k+

𝓝aught but unease filled the tiny town of bluefeild as yet another missing person is found to be reported in the newspaper. the sun begins to peer over the horizon, long shadows cast against the sidewalk that newsboys toss the papers from. they ride their bikes down the concrete with a fervor that should be rare. but it’s been rather common in bluefeild as of late. every since december. ever since the incidents first began.

nobody in town can be seen outside without a frantic expression and a fast pace. fear fuels their every step as they scurry outside to retrieve the news before burrowing back into the safety of their homes, hungry eyes skimming the article in search of who’s gone missing this time.

ellie hadn't expected much when traveling here. a small town of worrisome locals, a serial kidnapper hiding in plain sight. y'know, the usual for cases like these.

but something about this case stands out to her. there's a certain weight in her chest as each day passes without answers. in the beginning, she'd asked around town, hoping to find some common denominator among everyone's weariness. but there's nothing. the residents are closed off, thick boots and even thicker country drawls quick to kick the agent off their rotting porch at first glance. she's been here for a while now, not a single clue made evident. no loose ends, no muddy footprints, no witnesses. it's like these people just disappear into thin air.

ellie sits in her idled car, eyes scanning today's newspaper for slips of information. she can't help the way her interest piques, slowly going mad with lack of elucidation. she runs a hand through her hair, shoulders weighed with fatigue and dwindling hope.

see, over two-hundred people have gone missing in the past three months ⎯ which is a big deal in and of itself, but even more so considering bluefeild's population is well under five thousand.

her windows fog as rain patters gently against the steel of her vehicle, the whether cold and dreary in comparison to her car's heated temperature. she supposes it fits the mood, though, doesn't it?

after twenty minutes of analyzing each and every word given, ellie groans and stuffs the newspaper into her glove box, slamming it shut. evidently, the paper provided nothing of use to her. it has a picture of the man missing, his name inscribed under the image, and a few words of grief are quoted to have been said by the families. but that's it.

as of this morning, jason casey has been added to the long list of missing persons. and not a soul could say why nor how.

ellie pulls her phone from her coat pocket, clicking on her bosses contact before wedging it between her ear and shoulder. she listens to it ring as she puts her car into gear, pulling out of the parking space she'd been occupying. it's not like anyone here would dare to use their cars anyhow. most shops and businesses have been temporarily closed, owners fearing the possibility of suffering the same fate as those prior.

"ellie?" joel's voice comes through the tiny speakers, papers rustling in the background of the call as he speaks. "what're you callin' me for? i thought you were on the bluefeild case."

"there's nothin' to go off of." she tells him. one hand is rested on the wheel whilst the other holds her phone.

"you're our best investigator, williams, i'm sure you'll find somethin'." he says offhandedly, continuing to shuffle through whatever papers are of more interest to him than his alleged best employee.

she rolls her eyes at his dismissive tone. "hundreds are missing, joel. without a trace or a sign left behind. they're likely dead, if i were to guess. i don't— what the hell good does that do?"

"find the bodies." he says easily. "their corpses might point to their killer."

"no shit." ellie scoffs. "the issue isn't what to do next, it's how the fuck i'm supposed to do it. this has been goin' on for months and no bodies have turned up. where am i even supposed to look? like i said, there ain't a damn thing left behind."

she coasts down the streets of bluefeild, using this time to feel the layout of it and examine what she's working with. she's been here for a while now, but the town remains a mystery to her. and, from what she's seen, it's a bit of a mystery to everyone else as well.

she notices that many of the homes are old and shabby, paint flaking and wood rotting. in the yards, however, almost every resident has some form of a religious symbol. a cross, a statue of mary, a flag for something biblical. anything to show their faith.

to each their own, i guess. she thinks to herself with a shrug before turning her attention elsewhere.

the streets are empty, as expected. a few street lights are on, the yellow illumination flicking with worn age. even on the two-lane roads, there's not a car in sight. she narrows her eyes at this, a shiver tracing up her spine at the disturbing vastness.

"well," joel says, "search the papers some more."

"i've done that a thousand fuckin' times." ellie groans, eyes still scanning her surroundings with intent of committing it all to memory. just in case. "there's nothin' there. it's just all information on the missing people, half-assed sympathy for the victim's family, and a picture of 'em."

joel sighs, the sound of tapping resonating through the phone. ellie recognizes the sound, having worked for joel long enough to know that he always taps a pencil against his desk when he's thinking. it's a good sign, she thinks. it means he's at least giving her predicament some thought.

she's been in bluefeild for eight days now, spending her time interrogating random residents for informations; spending her nights rereading the stupid fucking newspapers. naught good has been of ramification.

the repetition of it all is driving her insane, especially considering none of her efforts have yet to pay off in any sort of way. she'd hoped that when the next person showed up missing, something would present itself. a clue would rear its ugly head at her and she'd grab it by the throat with fervor. but no. jason casey went missing and all heads remain hidden. so, after an hour of battling with her pride, she decided to make the call to joel and admit her being stuck.

"okay." he says, shuffling a bit as he finally gives ellie his full attention. "okay, pull over for a second, i'm gonna need you to do somethin' for me."

she instantly obliges, pulling off to the nearest backroad. gravel crunches under her tires as she drives along the thin path wedged between two decrepit buildings. the alley is small and a bit sketchy, but that's exactly what she needs. ellie puts her car in park, windows translucent in their heavily fogged blanket.

"how many newspapers do you have on you?" joel asks when he hears her car go into idle.

"um," she reaches over and opens her glove box, watching as yellowed papers fall from the newly opened door. they flutter to the floor and atop the passenger's seat. she hums, amused at the sight of her obsession making a tangible image in her head. "a lot."

"okay, good. perfect." joel mutters, the clacking of a keyboard sounding through the tiny speaker. "the first person who went missing was carl andrews. he was thirty-seven. his wife claims he was supposed to have been walking home from work but never showed up for dinner."

ellie scrambles through her messy stack of newspapers, searching for carl's report. she finally finds it, the paper dated to have been written near the beginning of december. she straightens out the wrinkles, examining his picture.

"looks like your average middle age man." ellie mutters, taking in his scruffy beard and wrinkled skin. "he was a carpenter. had two kids, both boys."

"yes, i have the paper pulled up on my computer." joel says. "but it doesn't show his address or nothin'. this shitty website only has half of the damn document."

ellie skims through the words, searching for the street or neighborhood he'd lived in. when she turns up empty-handed she groans, now well familiar with the feeling of disappointment regarding this case. "nope. no home address." she says with an evidently annoyed tone.

"what about his workplace?" joel asks. "if he'd been walkin' home, his work must be close enough for him to do so."

"oh shit," she mutters. she'd studied his article for hours — studied all of them — and she hadn't even thought to look there. her hands clutch the paper as she searches with a hungered gaze. her eyes widen at the address listed on the paper. "yes it's on fifth street."

more typing is heard through the phone, "says here that,, there's a neighborhood right by there. a few blocks down from the carpenters' building. must've been where he lived."

"perfect." ellie grins, adrenaline rushing through her.

oh, she feels on top of the world right now.

"okay, now i want you to look for addresses in all the other papers." joel says, flipping a switch in his tone — off to being ellie's friend and on to being her boss. a familiar change, but an unpleasant one nonetheless. "check 'n see if there's a link between where they'd been last spotted."

"okay."

ellie sets carl's paper aside and grabs another random one. she reads the heading briefly, recognizing it to be the article on bryan turner who'd gone missing in the middle of january. he'd allegedly been walking his dog and never returned to his apartment, according to his elderly female neighbor.

the address is actually listed this time. not his exact apartment number, but the building. ellie can't help the smile that tugs at her mouth again as she grabs a random notepad and scribbles both addresses onto the paper, reminding herself to compare their proximity when she gets back to her hotel later tonight.

"you're a goddan genius, joel." ellie mutters as she sets bryan's paper atop carl's and grabs another. sam cortez. late december.

"thanks, kid." joel chuckles into the phone. ellie has it set aside, call set to speaker as she flips through papers and continues to write down addresses into her notes. her movements are frantic and hurried, adrenaline refusing to wind down from its newly heightened state. joel speaks again, regaining her attention. "uh, sorry t' tell you this but i've gotta go. it's almost midnight and i've been at the building since ten o'clock this mornin'."

"yeah yeah, whatever." ellie replies off-handedly. "thanks for your help, old man. i think i can take it from here now, though. go get your beauty rest."

"promise to call me in the mornin'?" he asks. "i wanna hear what y' find."

"yes, i promise." she laughs. "i'll call you as soon as i wake up."

"okay good. don't overwork yourself either, you need to⎯"

"goodbye, joel!" she says, grabbing her phone and hanging up on him before she has to listen to him reprimand her for lack of rest. he's one to talk, too, seeing as he'd just admitted to having been at the building all damn day.

she sighs, deciding to put a pin in her address search and get back to her hotel to finish working in the comfort of a bed.

she sets her papers into two neat piles in the passenger's seat ⎯ one for those she'd already gone through and one for those she hasn't yet gotten to. then, she puts her key into the ignition and pulls out of the little road.

as she drives down the street, she examines her surroundings once again. still as impoverished as before.

she passes a small farm house, eyes drawn to the old lady sitting on the porch. she's rocking back and forth rather ominously, making direct eye contact with ellie through the windshield. slowly, the woman nods her head toward where a large cross is staked into the soil of her front yard. ellie looks away, a sudden uneasiness washing over her as she presses harder on the gas.

she reaches her hotel a few minutes later, stuffing her papers under each arm before entering the building and heading toward the elevator. by the time she reaches her room, she practically rips her heavy leather jacket off, the yellow 'fbi' label bright and bold against the black material as she tosses it onto her bed. she sits cross-legged in the center of her room, laying out all the newspapers in front of her.

she continues to sort through them all, eyebrows furrowing as she comes to realize that all the victims are men.

she hurriedly flips through the documents, certain she must he wrong. but she's not. they're all male. ellie writes this down on her notepad, handwriting rushed and nigh unintelligible. despite the sloppiness, she circles it, sure it'll prove to be of importance later on.

by the time ellie finishes going through what feels like hundreds of papers, she decides that's enough for her to be able to find a pattern if there is one. the digital clock atop the nightstand reads 2am, flashing bright red numbers at her. she ignores it, too high off the thrill of finally finding something in this priorly monotonous case.

she pulls her laptop from her bag and flips it open atop her crossed legs, quick to pull up a map and type in the coordinates of each address. they appear random at first, completely fucking unrelated to one another. a pang of dread hits ellie in the chest, worried this will have all been for naught.

but then she zooms out.

each dot for each address glows blue. when zoomed out, it forms something. ellie squints, tilting her head at the incoherent image she struggles to make out. seeing as many of the papers weren't analyzed, the picture is only half-complete.

but then it clicks. a pentacle. and at the very center of the shape, a church.

ellie's mind goes back to the old woman on the porch. the way she'd nodded to her cross. the way almost every family in bluefeild is outwardly religious. she can't believe she hadn't seen it sooner.

this isn't just some case where she can stare at newspapers and hope something pops up. it's an intricately weaved web of murders.

her chest heaves as her eyes dart across the screen, unable to believe it. she finds herself tapping her men against the floor, drumming it just as joel does. she curses herself, tossing the pen across the room as her mind reels. it lands in front of the door, ballpoint pointed toward the exit. ellie takes this as a sign from the universe. despite not having ever been a religious person, she can't help the pang of hope in her chest.

deciding to indulge the pen's sign, ellie writes the church's address into her notepad, shuts her laptop, pulls her jacket back on, then heads for the door. she steps over the pen on her way out.

𝓢he stares up at the church, checking to make sure she's absolutely certain she's in the right place. when she's proven to be correct, she stuffs her notepad into her pocket and walks toward the building.

ellie doubts anybody is inside due to the time, but she wants to search the place regardless.

the church is old, creaky wooden exterior painted in uneven shades of white. the roof is brown and dilapidated with wear. atop it, a large cross is seen standing tall, its tip pointed up at the starry sky. ellie wades through the overgrown grass, her breath coming out in white clouds. it's fucking freezing out here.

when she reaches the building, ellie cups her hands around her eyes before peeking through the windows. the glass is dusty and cracked in some places. she can't seem to see through it, transparency made opaque from lack of maintenance.

she leans back and wipes a hand across the dust, forming a wide arc to peer through. inside, the church looks brand new. wooden pews line the space, a long aisle between each formed column. the floor is white tile, cleaned to be spotless. she tilts her head, struggling to look toward the pulpit. it appears to be⎯

"what're you doing?"

ellie jumps, her head slamming against the top of the window frame. she ignores the ache and whips around to face the owner of the voice. a nun.

you stand behind her with a raised brow, your entire body covered by black and white robes. ellie blinks, something about you making her stomach lurch. she's instantly put on edge, shameless in the way she examines your features.

your brow is knit in distaste for the trespassing girl. your eyes are sharp and steady as you pin your gaze onto hers. your hands are clasped behind your back, formal and almost robotic. or at least, that's how ellie sees you.

ellie reaches under her jacket and pulls out her badge. "fbi."

"there's no fbi in bluefeild." you point out, voice steady and melodic. ellie's lips part at the sound but she shows no other form of sway. you eye her badge, ellie williams. noted to be a top agent in her line of work. your eyes narrow. "where exactly are you from?"

"richmond." she responds, eyes never leaving yours as she places her badge back into the interior pocket in her leather jacket.

you tilt your head, inquiring. "virginia?"

"yes." she confirms.

you hum, noting the four hour drive she's sure to have taken in order to get here. you looks out across the grass, seeing her car still running as it's parked on the side of the road, yellow headlights acting as a beacon against the dark night.

"it's late, miss williams." you tell her, turning back to her to find that ellie's eyes have yet to leave your face.

she analyzes each expression you make, contorting every detail to memory ⎯ from the way your eyes flick across her features to the way your shoulders shift slightly after having been standing in one position for so long. she memorizes you, allowing your very being to sink into her mind. for the case, of course. you're a suspect, after all. she needs to learn you and feel you out in order to get a proper read on whether you're innocent in all this. that's why she stares at you. that's why her pupils are blown and her lips are parted again. totally.

"do you want to come inside?" you offer, raising a brow at her strange, yet obvious sense of interest in you. "it's freezing out here and i happen to have just brewed some tea."

her eyes dart to the shabby church behind her. judging by the exterior of the building, imagining the place having ac and working electricity is shocking. but judging by what she'd seen of the inside, she's tempted to take you up on your offer. for the case.

"only if y' agree to answer some questions of mine." she says, deciding to set the terms and conditions early on.

your eyes narrow, "what type of questions?"

"the type i need in order to solve the case i'm workin' on." she replies, reminding herself of the large amount of missing men and boys who've disappeared in these past three months.

"mm," you hum.

you look her up and down, taking in the sight of her. it's rare to see any form of law enforcement out here. you'd lived in bluefeild all your life and never seen a cop or fbi agent outside of the television. her leather coat hangs heavy from her set shoulders. her chin is held high despite the way goosebumps trail across her skin due to the chill of the air. she's wearing baggy black pants and heavy combat boots. interesting.

"sure." you shrug. "i've nothing to hide."

"we'll see 'bout that."

her eyes rake over to where he car remains running. she leaves it, using it as a sign to you that she plans to make this quick. you understand the gesture and heed it with care, nodding as you shift around her and walk toward the entrance of the church. the large wooden doors are already unlocked as you push them open.

ellie draws her eyes across the foyer, noting the long hallway. to the left is a doorway leading to the sanctuary and chancel that she'd seen through the windows. to the right is a large door with a shiny golden handle, locked. the hall is lined with more doors, some locked whilst others are free to peer into.

you move about the space as though you'd lived here all your life. ellie supposes that might be true, actually.

you sweep down the hall before turning one of the corners down a branched passageway. ellie follows behind you, the hall illuminated by only a dim yellow light. on either side of the hall, more and more doors branch out to the side. ellie pays no mind to the building's layout anymore. instead, she finds herself more interesting in watching your habit billow behind you, your shoes clicking with each step against the tile.

eventually, you're both now in a kitchen area. ellie hasn't a clue when you'd gotten here, far too distracted by you to care much for the journey you'd taken her on.

the floor is tiled to mirror the sanctuary, counters made of marble. you flick a switch and the lights flutter on, a low hum sounding from the ceiling as the kitchen is illuminated by a yellow glow. on the counter, two cups of tea sit premade. you grab them, one in each hand.

with an amused expression, you pass one to ellie. she takes it, eyes the glass in her hand for a long moment. in the end, she decides against trusting it.

"uh," she clears her throat as she places the mug on the counter behind her, turning to you with an uneasy weariness. "you knew you'd have a guest?"

"hm?" you hum, tilting your head at her with an innocent curiosity.

"y' made two glasses." ellie points out. you continue to look at her, feigning confusion that urges her to continue her explanation. "it's just— well, i haven't seen anyone else here besides you."

"i hadn't priorly known of your arrival, if that's what you're suggesting." you inform her before taking a long sip from your mug, peering at her over the rim with an alluring twinkle to your eye. you lower it, keeping the glass poised between your hands as you lick your lips and continue. "i simply knew i wouldn't be drinking alone."

"what's that supposed to mean?" ellie inquires, those fbi instincts of hers lacing through her tone. her eyes glint with piqued interest, watching you with a steady sharpness. it weighs on your chest, heavy but enthralling.

"what i mean is," you place your mug on the counter with a light clink. "in this church, you're never alone. not really."

she raises a brow, back straightening. "someone else is here?"

"something." you correct, a smirk tugging at your lips. "a deity, spirit, ghost, demon. take your pick, miss williams. it hasn't a title just yet."

ellie has surely formed her doubts about whether or not you're mentally insane. she can't help but indulges you nonetheless. if she intends on puzzling out the mystery of the missing people, she can't outwardly state that you're crazy. so instead, she says, "are these,, things good? or are they evil?"

"mm," you shift, taking another long sip of tea. you ponder on her question while drinking, your mind deciding on exactly how much you wish to tell this governmental investigator. once your mind is made up, you place you mug back down and flash her an amused smile. "its morality varies. as i said, it doesn't much like the feel of being confined by the barbed wire of titles. plus, there's more than one. and none are a repeat of the other, each separated by individuality."

ellie bites back a scoff, trying her hardest not to just grab you by the shoulders and shake you senseless. she wants direct answers, not riddles. she hasn't the time to figure out what you're trying to get at.

"how many?" she asks. "like. are there lots of them or are they few and far between?"

your brow knits as you take a step closer. at your growing proximity, her breath hitches. you are more than just a nun, you're the embodiment of her obsession. all the care and time she'd poured into this case; you personify it.

you're a religious figure in and of yourself. something worthy of worship and praise. if you were to seen by the world as ellie sees you, historians would be studying you for eons to come. paintings and playwrights would be made in your honor, temples and statues forged in hopes that you'd bat the sculptor even a moment of your attention.

but, alas, that's not how the world works. instead, you're made to be a random nun who lives holed away in a ragged church in the middle of nowhere. perhaps the universe had been wise to hide you from the world, for fear of what your divinity would cause. a repeat of troy, no doubt. wars fought for your hand. lives lost for the pulpy beating heart caged behind your ribs.

"as many as i'd like." you tell her, face now mere inches away from her own.

your body is covered entirely by your habit, black fabrics hanging from your shoulders and arms as to keep your entire being shielded from sight. your hair is cast back and under your veil.

despite the coverage, ellie's enamor is unmoved. it's not your body or your hair that she's drawn to. it's the slope of your nose, the plush of your lips, the curve of your cheek, the arc of your brow, the color of your eyes. it's everything that makes you stand out like a brightly shining star in comparison to the dull darkness that is this church.

and stars like you ought to be admired.

"as many as—" she squeezes her eyes shut, knowing her only chance at regaining control of her head is to not face you. her mind is muddled by thoughts of you. she can't think straight. when she reopens her eyes, she could've sworn you've moved closer. "what're you sayin'? i don't—"

"don't understand?" you finish for her, tone pitched in regalement. your head tilts to the side, your noses brushing. "few people do."

"just tell me what y' mean." she utters, voice a whispered breath across your face in the form of a plea. "tell me without the riddles. tell me without trying to evade the truth. tell me with honesty. if you're straight forward with me, i'm sure i'll understand."

you sigh through your nose, leaning away from her. she follows you like a fish on a hook. you take a step back and she takes one forward. noticing, you hold a hand up to halt her movements and she instantly ceases, blinking at you with parted lips.

your head is downcast, palm against her chest. "you'd hate me."

"hate you?" she questions.

despite only just having met you, ellie is quite certain she'd never come to hate you. your very being is as much a wonder to her as life itself. you're a celestial beauty she cannot bear to tear her eyes from. hate is foreign when you're the context in which it's spoken.

"yes." you confirm, expression contorting into one of feigned guilt. and, had ellie not been in such blind awe of you, she'd have likely seen through your facade of deception. "i've made mistakes; plenty. i could never expect you to hear me speak of them and look past their malice."

"but i would." she whispers, taking a step nearer. she places a hand on your wrist, lowering your palm that had priorly been raised between the two of you. she looks down at where she touches you, albeit through the cloth of your gown. "i'd look past it. i'd see you as i do now regardless of what you'd done."

you shake your head, "you cannot mean that."

"i do." she brings your hand to her mouth, pressing her lips against the hills of your knuckles. she looks up at you through her lashes, her mouth remaining close to your skin as she whispers, "i do mean it."

you feel guilt settle deep within your chest, burrowing between your ribs and in the very tissue of your heart. an immoral darkness encompasses the organ ellie so desperately desires to obtain.

you'd lured people into your entrapment many times before. but something about ellie makes you feel bad for doing what you know you need to.

but it's too late now.

she's your last victim. the final sacrifice needed in order to finish what you'd started back in december. after taking her life, all will be well. all will be well. all will be well. well, well, well, well. you repeat this over and over in your mind as ellie kneels before you. she looks up at you as though you're an alter made for this. for worship.

your breath catches in your throat as you watch her sink to the tiled flooring, hands brought up to rest at your hips. her fingers fist the fabric of your habit as she speaks once more, "allow me to prove how much i mean it?"

your head is swimming, unsure on what to do. logically, you know you should stop this before it gets too far. you've already lured her in close enough to do what's needed. but, for some reason, there's a thick knot forming in your chest. as it grows, you come to realize it's not a knot at all. it's a fist. it's ellie's fist.

her eyes bore into your own, her hands remain gripping your hips. somehow, though, you feel as though they're managing to trace their way through you. they line your bones and caress your tendons before inevitably finding their way to your heart. she holds it in the palm of her figurative hands as her physical ones begin to hike up your habit, slowly pulling the cloak up from the floor.

still, despite the discernible desire in her eyes, she does nothing but wait for your response of consent.

it's inexorable, the way you give in. the slight nod of your head had been predestined from the moment you spotted her at that window; and it will continue to prove relevant until your respective faits are sealed.

to ellie, it felt as though you'd taken hours to reply despite it only having been a minute or less. but the moment you nod, she's moving eagerly. she's grabbing your hips and hoisting you up onto the counter whilst simultaneously struggling to pull up the skirts of your clothes. she's trying to do so many things at once that it's dizzying. for both parties.

you aid her, shifting atop the marble as you pull the habit up to reveal what lies beneath it.

ellie feels the world fall from beneath her knelt locale as she stares. a pair of black lace panties adorn you, the upper half of your body remaining covered by the bunched cloth of your habit. the time she takes to memorize you feels agonizing as you sit there, itching to feel her body on yours.

once she's confident that the image has been successfully engraved into her mind, she leans forward. your legs are already parted when her mouth makes contact with your clothed vulva. the wetness that soaks the material soon made into a mixture of your arousal and ellie's opened mouth.

her tongue traces light circles into your clit, a soft sigh escaping your lips as your grip on your habit begins to loosen. you toss your head back in pleasure, the sound of ellie's slurping and licking mixing with the mechanical hum of the lights.

"ohmygod," she says against you, the vibrations of her voice making your breath pick up its pace. "you're so fucking perfect."

one of your hands comes down to tangle in the auburn of her hair, tufts weaving between your shaky fingers. you tug on it, pulling a grunt form the back of ellie's throat as her scalp stings. despite her noise of pain, this only manages to make ellie more vehement in her actions.

she grabs the hem of your panties with her teeth, yanking them to the side. her eyes are shut as she licks a long strip through your wet muscle. you can’t help the way you stare down at her, watching as she puts her absolute all into making you feel good. and, as it turns out, she’s quite skilled at doing so.

ellie's mind is fogged over, mimicking the way her car's windows had been earlier. she supposes there’s no true difference there, however. the interior of her car had been warm in comparison to the cool outside air. swap the temperatures and there’s naught that varies. the warmth that you provide makes ellie feel cold in contrast, which ends in a fogged mind.

the taste of you is enough to make her lose whatever sanity remains intact. all that adrenaline that had flowed through her earlier is being poured into you.

after all, stars should be worshipped right? they should be admired from below, gawked up at. they should be mapped and studied by only the wisest of mankind. they should be doted on with a possessive sense of adoration, one only fit for something so celestial and untouchable as a star.

and that's what you are. to ellie, at least. you're a brightly shining nebula — a feathery cloud of vibrancy, visible only in the darkest of nights. only in the coldest of weathers. only in most decrepit of churches. only here, only now.

only when fate is carved in this exact way. had one thing been altered, none of this would have taken place. it was providence that brought you together. you weren't written in the stars or tethered your entire lives. in fact, the chance of your paths crossing was rather low. but, honestly, that only makes your acquaintance more deeply rooted in kismet. makes it more special.

"fuck," you pant, chest heaving as you squeeze your eyes shut. your head thuds against the cabinet as you tighten your grip on ellie's hair. she groans, fingers pressing deeply into the skin of your hips, hard enough to leave a bruise. your thighs tighten around her head, a coil of heat sitting heavily in the pit of your stomach. "ellie, i'm—"

she tilts her head up slightly, nose pressing into the bead of your clit. she watches through lidded eyes as you come undone onto her face.

she savors it, committing every little detail to memory. a habit this has become, watching you. your brows knit, your legs shake slightly, you breath hitches. and ellie retains all to it.

she made you see stars. made you look into a mirror and see yourself.

that feeling of blissful release is what she feels every time she's fortunate enough to gaze upon you. and now you've experienced it. and she cannot feel more accomplished than she does right now.

"this," you pant, tugging on her hair to bring her face up to your own. she does as you direct her, standing from the floor to press your foreheads together. "was a terrible idea."

"yeah?" she breathes out. "and why's that?"

you run your hands up and down her back, fingertips tracing the stitching of her leather jacket. you can feel the outlined letters of her 'fbi' label. that familiar twinge of guilt encircles you.

she's a good person — a woman who's to spend the rest of her life helping random people she doesn't know. and yet, here she is. made unfortunate enough to have succeeded in her endeavor.

she stares at you like you're a god, something heavenly. something seraphic. something worthy of her.

"i'm not a good person." you whisper, leaning away from her proximity. predictably, she follows, leaning closer with a desperation only fit for one in love.

the guilt of what you must do is eating you alive. it claws at your chest, snapping your ribs like twigs as it wedges between them to burrow deep within you. it's agonizing yet completely unavoidable.

and in a sickeningly poetic outturn, a random butcher knife is sat neatly atop the marble counter only a foot away from where you sit. just as ellie meets your eyes, the blade happens to catch the light and reflect yellow luminescence. a grotesque reminder of what you're unable to run from.

"nobody is innately good. and, as a nun, y' should know that better than anyone." ellie huffs out a laugh, eyes not daring to stray from you. "in other words, i don't care."

"but you should." you insist, voice teetering on the edge of plea.

"and yet, i don't." ellie counters, just as passionate in her solemnity. you suck in a breath, eyes glossing over. she looks at you with a fondness that feels foreign. she cups your cheeks between her palms, repeating, "i don't."

"i've done horrible things." you say.

"you're a nun." she points out with a light chuckle rumbling her chest. "how horrible could these things have been?"

part of you wants to open up to her, tell her everything that's been weighing on you for these past three months. but each time you get close to a confession, something inanimately symbolic taunts you. whether that be the butcher knife, the hum of electricity, the gun holster at her hip, the residual lust in your chest, or the bright yellow lettering on her jacket.

that gun is meant for you just as that butcher knife is meant for ellie. she'd been wise to bring a weapon, a clear sign that she'd intended on finding someone culpable enough to suspect. and you'd been wise to set the blade atop the counter on the off chance that you'd meet your final victim tonight.

you feel sick to your stomach.

"oh shit," ellie curses as she takes notice to the way you're visibly crumbling in front of her. "i— uh, i didn't mean to be, like, insensitive or anythin'. i'll still listen to you. and i promise to not hate you. promise to never hate you."

"ellie, stop." you sigh. "you can't promise something like that. you don't even know what i—"

"then tell me." she insists, your face still in her cupped hands. you look at her through blurred vision, naught but sincerity behind her pale green irises. "if y' tell me what it is that y' did, we can both carry the burden."

you're instantly shaking your head.

"you don't have to do this alone." ellie says. "plus, isn't a weight split a lighter load than one full?"

as you stare into her eyes, you can't stop yourself from what comes next. you're unable to keep your mouth shut when she's looking at you like that. you decide to tell her, opening your ribs and bearing your heart as though she hadn't already taken it from you. you truly feel more bare in this moment than you did when she'd literally been eating you out.

ellie put her entire trust into you when letting down her guard and abandoning the case she'd obsessed over for weeks. she dropped it like it were nothing, focusing entirely on you in its stead. the least you could do is be honest, right? plus, she's not leaving here anyway. you'd locked the door the moment you two entered the kitchen when she'd been too distracted by your beauty to notice. the trap is already set and she's sitting inside of it without a care. all you need to do now is pull the strings.

but first comes honesty.

for ellie, you'd peel off your clothes. you'd peel off your skin. you'd peel off your flesh. then, when you're naught but bones, you'd give yourself to her. you'd give your entire being to her. not because you think you're worthy of her possession, but because this is all you have. the only thing you're able to offer her as a symbol of your devotion, it's yourself.

though, while you're unable to strip yourself clean off your bones, you feel as though rendering yourself vulnerable and fragile is the next best thing you can offer. for her, you are willing to do the priorly unthinkable.

"you're here in search of the missing men, are you not?" you ask, beginning with baby steps. "in search of who's behind their absences?"

ellie straightens, "i am."

"well." you gesture down at yourself. at your crooked veil that shows stray hairs peeking from underneath; at your hiked up habit, just barely falling to cover your underwear; at your knees that rest on either side of ellie's waist; at your vulnerable state that you're offering up to her. at your bones. "you've found me."

ellie's heart stutters in her chest. not because of what you'd revealed to her, but because you trusted her enough to do so. she no longer cares an ounce for the missing people of bluefeild. all she wants is you. she may be a fool to be this way, but she's in far too deep to mind.

she gives you a weak smile, "i don't care."

"what?" you croak. you stare at her incredulously. there's no way she doesn't care. there's no fucking way. "yes you do."

"i don't."

you blink, looking her up and down. there must be something you're missing — her reaching for her gun, her taking a step backward, her eyes darting toward the knife. but she does none of that. she simply remains stood between your legs, keeps her hands on you, and stares directly into your eyes as you confess your gravest of sins.

"but—" you shake your head, stammering. "but i killed all those people. they're dead. all of them. over two hundred men are buried behind the church."

"i don't care." she repeats, noticing the way your voice raises with trepidation. she traces her hands down your arms, stopping only when they reach your own. she tangles your fingers together, feeling the way your body relaxes slightly to the feel of her touch.

"i killed them because i was paid to." you tell her, your mind reeling as you're unable to grasp her lack of care. you talk in a frantic quickness, rushing to get the truth out for fear that ellie will change her mind in the time it takes for you to speak. "their wives, neighbors, daughters. they— they'd come to me in the confession booths and tell me of the men's abuse o-or assault or misdeeds. and i'd kill them for them. i don't—"

ellie's face remains soft. "you did a good thing, then."

"you can't be serious." you huff, eyes watering with the sheer confusion building within you. "i don't understand how you can still look at me like that. i took their lives. these people, i— they had dreams, they had aspirations and goals and families and—"

"listen," ellie whispers, her hands squeezing yours. "they were horrible people that hurt women. they were abusers and rapists and i don't care what y' did to them or how. all i care about is whether or not y' feel better."

"what?" you ask, voice nigh a breath. "what do you mean feel better?"

"to have gotten that off your chest." she digresses.

you take a deep breath, grounding yourself. the adrenaline of the confession slowly dwindles and you're no longer spiraling. you stare at ellie, centering on her face as the world comes back into focus.

you count your senses one by one. the smell of tea, the sound of humming lights, the feel of a hard counter beneath you, the taste of a bitter truth, the sight of ellie's fond expression. your breathing levels out, slowly but surely. and ellie stares at you the entire time. memorizing you.

"yeah." you whisper. "yeah, i do."

"then that's all that matters."

a supernova; to watch a star combust and explode, a colossally significant occurrence that only the most fortunate are able to witness. ellie considers herself to be substantially fortunate. not only because of what she'd just seen, but because of who it was that did it.

to her, this is even better than a natural supernova. rather than watching a random gassy ball of light die, its you. someone she adores and treasures. and you didn't die. instead, you opens yourself willingly to her. you broke down your walls and bore yourself to her. for ellie, that is far more important than some star's death.

"but—" you say, bringing her attention back to your face. your brows are knitted, clearly struggling to get the words out. she watches you with an easy patience, pupils blown as she submits this to her memory alongside all other files in her brain saved under your name. "but there's more."

"let's hear it." she replies, raising a brow.

you suck in a deep breath, lowering your head as to not face ellie before speaking. "i didn't just start killing whatever men that these women were asking of me. it started smaller. i killed animals, put them in a circle of salt, drew and pentagram, the whole ordeal."

"you sacrificed them?" she asks, tone remaining laced with gentility.

"yes." you nod. "i felt my baptism wasn't enough. god never answered me anyway, he never aided me when i needed it most. he watched my suffering and did nothing. so, i resorted to a new deity of worship." you lift your gaze to meet ellie's. "satanism."

"i'm sorry, i don't—" she blinks a few times, confused. "i don't understand."

"as a child, i relied on god to do everything. my life was nothing without him in it to keep me going. but as i grew, i realized it was unrequited. he cared nothing for me, watching with regale as i sobbed and begged for his help." you explain. "so, as a teenager, i switched over to satanism — worship of someone who actually cared enough to save me."

ellie says nothing, staying silent as you confide in her. she continues to hold your hands, softly cradling them on either side of where you sit.

"but then he wished for payment." you continue. "sacrificial lives as a form of repent for all those years i'd spent as a baptist. i obliged, of course. i killed bunnies and deer, doing research to understand how exactly to offer the stolen lives to him. but as of late, he's wanted more."

"humans." ellie guesses.

"yeah." you confirm. "but i couldn't bring myself to kill random innocent people. so i became a nun and listened in on the confession booths. then, i'd ask the confessors if they wished for me to intervene. they'd concur, paying me to take the lives of their abusers." you recall the fear in the women's voices, the shakiness to their hands as they slipped money through the cracks of the door. "they never saw my face, only heard my voice. and, seeing as i live in the church, none of the recognized me. i soon became a symbol of hope for women and one of fear for men."

ellie's mind strays back to all the religious symbols staked in the yards. "that explains their heavy faith. they think you're some type of prophet."

"yeah, but there's more." you say. "i've researched many, many books to make sure i get this ritual right. and, as it turns out, my 250th victim has to be a martyr. someone who doesn't believe in anything. doing this seals the ritual, ending it."

"good luck finding someone here who meets that criteria." she chuckles.

"exactly." you say carefully. "everyone in bluefield is heavily religious. unless that someone has come from out of town."

"me."

"i wish it wasn't." you rush to explain. "i wish there was some other way i could do this. but it has to be today. i need to do it before another woman comes in asking for my help or the numbers will get thrown off. and if i decline her, i'll lose the faith of all the women in bluefeild."

"okay," ellie shrugs. "do it."

"...what?"

"i don't care." ellie says, the sentence becoming something of a catchphrase for her.

the world stops. again. it screeches to a halt and you almost slam forward at the speed of which it crashed down. you stare at ellie with wide eyes, made shocked by her for a second time. someone so hauntingly perfect cannot truly offer herself up to you like this. she can't seriously be holding out her hand, asking for death to take it.

but what you don't know is that ellie would deem it a gift to die by your hand. it'd be better than dying as a withered elder attached to a beeping machine, or as an agent amid a case who only got to see you in her dreams.

but, this way, she'd be with you always. her love for you would be immortalized; she would be tied down to the very threads that make up the the fabrications of your soul. oh a gift that would be.

"do it." she repeats.

"what?, i don't—" she silences you by leaning forward, pressing her lips against yours.

ellie had kissed you out of impulse, knowing no other way to silence that thundering uncertainty that rumbles your brain. but the moment she does it, she's positive she'll never be able to pull away.

your lips are a cathedral of which she cannot help but melt into, your body a temple she's knelt before and wouldn't hesitate to do again. she kisses you with devout piety, her body molding into yours with each touch that lingers on your skin. somehow, this measly kiss is far more intimate than all else before it.

a silent tear slips from your closed eye as you subtly reach your hand over to where you know the butcher knife lies in wait. ellie surely feels your movement, there's no way she doesn't. but she makes no move to stop kissing you, her lips moving with a vehement neediness.

you loathe the way your fingers find the hilt of the knife. even more so, you despise the way you wrap your hand around it and bring it toward ellie.

she knows. she knows what you're about to do.

and she allows it.

love isn't easy for ellie, never had been. but with you, everything falls into place as though it'd been predestined to do so her entire life. as she feels your body shift toward the knife, nothing runs through her mind aside from your name. on repeat, the singular word replays over and over. she wraps your name around her skull, weaving the letters between her thoughts and molding the syllables against her brain. she was born to love you. and so long as she was able to do so, she'd be okay.

just as the tip of the blade brushes her jacket, you pull away from the kiss and stare at her. the knife remains at her back, resting against leather but not daring to press any harder. ellie's pupils are blown, her lips wet from your own saliva.

"i can't." you utter. "i can't do this to you."

she sighs, "i already told you it's fine, angel. just— as long as i have you near me, i'm content with my decision."

"no." you shake your head. "no i know. it's—" knowing ellie wouldn't understand your explanation, you decide to show her what you mean. with your free hand, you place your palm against her gun holster. "whatever you go through, i want to be there with you."

her eyes widen at your words. she jolts away from you, appearing as though she'd been burned. she sets her jaw, turning her hip away from your reach. "no."

"ellie, please." you implore, tone beseeching. "i can't live on knowing i'd done this to you."

"it's unavoidable." she reminds you. "y' made a deal with the fuckin' devil, or, well— i'm honestly not too sure on the details, but— y' can't not follow through. i understand, okay? finish the damn ritual and live your life."

"i don't want to." you plead with her. "not without you."

she shakes her head, eyes glossing over. despite the evident distaste, her refusal is weak. she stands only a foot away from you, seeming as though she's physically incapable of moving any farther.

"ellie," you say, whispering her name like a prayer. she can't help but look up at you through watery eyes. "ellie, please."

"i don't want you to die." she says, voice nigh a whimper.

"we'll be together, ellie," you tell her, hopping down from the counter to approach her. the blade remains in your hand, long forgotten to the both of you as the sight of the other is far more appealing. "if we do this, we can be together for all of eternity. they'll find our fossils in a million years, bones entwined. they won't even know who's who."

she chokes out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. "god, how stupid would that be?"

you laugh with her, "so stupid."

you're both crying now, tears streaming down your faces as you stare at one another. slowly, ellie pulls the gun from her holster. she's unsure on how this will go down, but she's willing to try. for you.

to be loved is a horrific thing, you've found. it's to be swallowed whole by something so disgustingly beautiful that you're incapable of turning away.

ellie takes a step closer, the distance between the two of you closing. her left hand holds the gun, her right hand coming up to wrap an arm behind your neck. she pulls your toward her, pressing another kiss to your mouth.

your tears mingle, forming a salty sea on your touching cheeks. you sob against her, chest heaving as you pull her closer with one hand, the other holding the knife. she tastes of sacrilege, salvation, and sacrifice. the ghosts that will haunt this decrepit church until the end of time. together.

whatever string that pulled the two of you toward each other will be knotted, tying two lost souls in search of the other.

"ellie," you whisper between wet kisses, lifting the knife to rest at the nape of her neck, "it's time."

she lets out a sob, a convulsive gasp tearing from her throat. "okay,"

you count down, the two of you agreeing to do it at the same time. you'll drive the blade into her neck whilst she pulls the trigger. your bodies will fall in unison, clinging to one another.

when you reach one, you sink the blade into her with a sickening squelsh. she chokes, dropping the pistol to the floor. it lands with a loud clank moments before her body falls with a thud. your eyes widen, heart ceasing. blood pools onto the white tiles and only one thought runs through your mind: she didn't pull the trigger.

she didn't pull the trigger.

she

didn't

pull

the

trigger.

she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't pull the trigger. she didn't—

you fall to your knees beside her, hands coming to cradle her bloodied face. you pull her head into your lap, rocking back and forth as crimson soaks into the black fabric of your habit. you clutch her tightly against you, pressing hard on her slit neck, willing the blood to go back inside.

death doesn't take her hand. instead, he grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her for the untimely demise she'd agreed to. the heart she'd taken from you rattles. the death rattle. you choke out a sob at the sound, everything aching.

you lean forward, pressing a kiss to her cold, dead lips. she doesn't kiss you back. you pull away, panting hard as your chest heaves and your eyes burn.

then, in the corner of your eye, you see the metal of ellie's pistol. you crawl across the kitchen toward the weapon, realizing she hadn't even cocked it. god, how had you been so stupid? you do it for her, loading the bullets into the chamber.

with the gun now in your possession, you crawl back over to ellie.

you position yourself atop her, entwining your legs and placing your head on her chest. it doesn't rise nor fall, no beating heard from beneath her ribs. you sob, placing the gun's barrel to the soft part of your chin.

then, without another thought, you pull the trigger. you pull it because ellie was unable. because ellie couldn't bear to do it for you. a part of you resents her for this, but another part can't feel anything for her aside from utmost love.

and there lie two bodies. lifeless.

ellie found what she'd been searching for all her life: something worthy of her devotion. something she can pour her all into. that had been why she became an fbi agent in the first place — in search something to worship whole heartedly. simultaneously, you'd found what you'd been searching for as well: peace.

in the end, however, it had all been for naught.

the ritual didn't work.

it needed someone faithless, someone who didn't care for religion, for god. but that wasn't ellie. not anymore, at least. because, after having met you, she'd finally found something worth her revere.

you were her religion.

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist. @luvsturniolo @ilovewomenfr @zzombiegirl @elliessweetheart @kasqnxx @xlovla

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 additional note. i want this to be said here because i know this piece is super fucking heavy. ellie and the reader's relationship is so fucking toxic. anyone who reads this, i hope you realize how absolutely horrific their love story truly is. there's a shit ton of symbolism weaved within this story that i didn't outwardly state (though most of it i blatantly explained). if u have any questions regarding this piece, i'd love to talk about it bc i put a lot of time into making it.

but, again, their relationship is TOXICCCCCCCCCC!!!!!! it's not meant to be idolized or romanticized in any way. if you didn't notice, i barely used the word 'love' and never made either of them say 'i love you'. that was for a reason!!!! because what they share isn't love. it's unhealthy obsession & i need that to be outwardly said before i post this

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Don't cry over spilled milk ◦ l.f

-Accidents happen is an easy thing to say when your daughter didn't just dump a cup of milk on your husband's new black carpet and all of a sudden— you can't breathe

Paring◦ Dad!Lee Felix x Mom!Reader

Words◦ 1633

Genre ◦ Hurt and comfort, ngl this was like really angsty and I didn't mean for it to be 😭, definitely fluffy towards the end though

Warnings ◦ Kinda points towards the fact that the reader might have been abused, descriptions of the readers father being an asshole, talk about abuse, the term beating black and blue, crying, spilled milk, Felix being sickeningly sweet, overuse of love, descriptions of bad dreams, trauma, bleeding, bad thoughts, and wounds (all these are metaphors).

Taglist◦@thetoastghost222I hope you like it <33

A/N ◦this is just something simple and cute I cooked up real fast I didn't really put too much thought into it honestly I just let my brain go also don't judge me but I literally just looked up "cute Korean girl names that mean sunshine" in the search engine and picked the first thing so... also I'm going to be reuploading all my old stuff into my new blog in one fair swoop soooo I'm rereading this and there's something about my writing I have always noticed is off so if anybody can point it out/ give me advice I would literally appreciate it so much

~cookiecreates 🍪

You took "Don't cry over spilled milk" very seriously because it took every fiber of your being not to sob when Ha-Yun's glass of milk dropped on Felix's new carpet, throwing a vibrant white stain on the expensive black furnishing. You really don't know how many different adjectives your brain could come up with to describe the horror you felt pounding in your heart.

It was as though this moment was a portal into the deepest caverns of your mind—a key that unlocked a swarm of memories flickering in the back of your brain like fireflies. You squeeze your eyes shut, pushing back the flood of bad feelings that seem to wash over you quicker than you can wipe them away—You're transported back to those days when your head was high and your hands were small, spilling milk on your dad's new carpet. You were so little, so naive, you didn't know that the world wasn't all butterflies and unicorns; that milk stained and dads got mad. You vowed to be the parent who held their baby's hand as they picked it up, smiling when they threw the dirty towel in the trash. 

Accidents happen.

Accidents happen.

Accidents happen.

But you don't know if that's what Felix vowed to do, and with the carpet being 600 dollars, you wouldn't be surprised if he beat the poor girl black and blue.

Just like your dad did. 

Your fingers tremble as you grip the cup in your hands, the world seems to swirl around you, swimming in all your bad dreams. It only took a teaspoon to die and a bad thought to drown. How easy it is to be pulled under the waves when you're vulnerable. You thought you kept the sea at bay, but even the most experienced divers can get pulled into a riptide. 

The cup clatters in the sink, startling you out of your thoughts. Ha-Yun babbles in the corner, throwing cheerios to the ground. This was all your fault; you shouldn't have put her high chair in the living room. 

All your fault.

All your fault.

All your-

The lock clicks.

Your heart drops, plummeting into the grave in which you buried all your pain. You scramble to find something to cover the stain. In all your panic, you forget that shit doesn't magically go away, sticking to your skin like syrup dripping down your spine. Everything was spinning in your vision as your lungs contracted, you wondered if you could really drown in theoretical oceans, especially the ones that occupied your mind.

It all seemed so silly as Felix's frame came into view, like he was made entirely from watercolor pouring down the page. You threw the towel over the mess, attempting to conceal your sobs.

Maybe he'll walk away.

Maybe he's too tired to notice.

Maybe you can spare his wrath.

“Love,” Felix's deep voice floats into your ears like cotton candy disintegrating under the waves of words you drown in. Scars were never promises on the skin; the human body is a delicate chemistry, and with the right motivation, it can crumble.

You snap. Break apart. Succumb to the river of sentences that stuck to your skin, like honey and glass. Time heals all wounds, but what about the ones that never scar, never scab? What about the ones whose vile words poisoned the flesh, eating away at your soul? Time doesn't heal all wounds because sometimes wounds are just too deep. Strong arms wrap around your huddled frame, your face drawn to your knees. 

“I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." you sob mindlessly, it was as though your younger self control—caught in a weird form of fight or flight—dissociating from reality.

“Sorry? Sorry for what, love?” He whispers, dropping to the floor and pulling you onto his lap. He's so gentle, so calm, so completely opposite of any love you have ever felt or any father you have ever seen.

"Milk-" You choke; your words getting caught in your throat. You dig your face into his shoulder. "She spilled the milk on the carpet. I'm so sorry." The tears keep coming as though you're bleeding all the emotions you had kept under wraps for too long; it was like an infection, and Felix's loving arms cleansed your wounds.

"Oh, love," he coos, petting your hair, "didn't anybody ever tell you not to cry over spilled milk." You can't help but chuckle, a weird mix between a sniffle and a sob. 

You must look like such a wreck right now—face blotchy and red, snot dripping down your nose, tears pouring down your cheeks—you look like you just crawled out of the pits of hell, and he still looks at you like you're the most beautiful woman he's ever laid his eyes on.

In that moment, you feel so silly, so stupid, kinda wanting to crawl back into the pits of hell from which you came. You should have known he wasn't going to react the way your father had. Felix was nothing like the man; he was kind, he was gentle, he was all sunshine and smiles, he was safe.

"I'm sorry for being such a wreck." You cuddle deeper into his chest, sniffling into his shirt. 

"Never be sorry for being human, and especially, never be sorry for showing me." It took everything in you not to break down again, letting his strong arms hold you while you scrubbed all the syrup from your soul, but you have a baby and a mess on the carpet that will be ten times harder to clean if you leave it sitting.

"I'll go get another towel," you sniffle, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"Don't," he pulls you back down on his lap, “Put your arms around me.” You lock your hands behind his neck, yelping when he picks you up bridal style.

“What- Felix, what are you doing?” You squeal as he walks you to the couch, laying you gently on the cushions.

“I'm showing you how to clean up spilled milk,” He smirks like you didn't just destroy his 600-dollar carpet; his attitude genuinely baffles you.

"How are you not mad?” You whispered, dazed, your mind turning into mush. He tilts your chin up, peering at you with a soft smile and kind eyes. Your breath hitches, little heart eyes popping in your pupils. 

"Accidents happen, love, you never grow out of’em." You melt, literally disintegrating into a pile of goo on the couch.

"D-Do you, um, D-Do you need help?" You stutter, blinking harshly to try and gather your thoughts. It was as if his gentle heart short-circuited your tangled wires—knotted from years of wear and lack of care. 

"You just sit there and look pretty, and I'll show you why you shouldn't cry over spilled milk." He kisses you softly, smiling on your skin, "Okay, baby," he breathes, passion crackling between your lips, "You just keep-" Ha-Yun screeches, slapping her high chair full of Cheerios. Felix groans, tipping his forehead to touch yours. 

"You know, one of these days we've got to get a babysitter. I don't know how long I can stand just being able to admire my beautiful wife from afar," your cheeks burn as you tilt your head down bashfully, "Well maybe we can do that when milk isn't marinating on the floor," he claps, jumping up from his arched position, "yep, your right, jeez baby, you really know how to pull me away from a task."

You cheese, pulling the collar of your shirt over your face. "Go on," you shoo him away, "You were going to teach me something."

He smirks, walking over to the kitchen, pulling the roll of paper towels off the counter and tossing them down next to the mess, unlocking Ha-Yun's highchair to lift her out of it.

"What are you-"

"Shh sit there and look pretty," The way his eyes sparkle and his lips tilt makes him appear almost mischievous. You sink back into the couch, folding your arms in front of your chest, assessing him intently. Ha-Yun beams when she sees Felix, waving her arms around, spitting gobbly gook.

"Oh is that right, well I couldn't have ever guessed," he nods attentively like she just stated the stages of evolution, "Well, as much as I love this conversation, baby, you are going to need to clean up your mess". He chastises her gently, and she frowns, glaring at him, he lifts his brows in retort.

"You know you've got a lot of sass for a 4-year-old," he grumbles "Probably got it from your momma," he sends you a look, lips curled up in a smirk. Your jaw drops in faux offense.

"You know what-" he puts his finger to his lips, cutting you off.

"Were you this bad in school? Cause the teacher," he gestures to himself, "is teaching."

"I'm gonna-"

"Looking pretty," He singsongs, a smile playing on his lips. You bite your cheek, holding back your glare. He snickers, placing her down next to the milk—putting a paper towel in her tiny hands.

"Can you help daddy clean it up please," he squats down to her level, stretching his fingers over hers. She blinks down at the splattered milk. You can almost see the gears turning in her head when he starts carefully moving her hand back and forth over the mess. 

"See!" he cheers, his eyes glowing with pride, "Accidents happen, you just gotta learn to clean them up."

Watching the scene unfold before you fills you with an obscene form of bliss, like you have achieved one of life's greatest victories—that maybe all dads weren't raging assholes that yelled when you spilled milk because, like Felix said, accidents happen—you never grow out of'em.

©CookieCreates (posted: June, 26th 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

[papamado]

A "theory" regarding Sampo's abilities

okay so this is an absolute mess and more of a ramble but I think it might be worth sharing so here I am Since I'm very normal about Sampo Koski, I've noticed some paralels to.. osme things... and i ended up with a concept that Sampo might be aware/know the future/what is supposed to happen, aka the same/similar thing to what Elio is using as a base to write his scripts, or is aware of the scripts that Elio creates. On Belobog we don't encounter stellaron hunters (for obvious reasons), but Sampo does end up being the one who affects the way the plot goes and actively puts it in motion, he's the one in control (to some extent) He also appears to be aware of stuff that has yet to happen and its possible outcomes (getting Natasha even before we started fighting Svarog, knowing that we will arrive on Luofu despite it being an unplanned stop, the possible future Belobog catastropy) There's 2 ways to approach this: 1. He works with how it's supposed to go, (following the trailblazer around, kinda like stellaron hunters happen to do) 2. He deliberately works against it (Jarilo VI is supposed to face destruction but he prevents it, could be for personal reasons) Theres also the whole thing about him breaking the 4th wall, which could be connected. Awarnesss of the fact that this is a game could result in him having a knowledge of what the plot of said game is.

I strongly HC Sampo to be an Elation emanator, so I thought about what being an elation emanator could mean, as in, how realistically the powers could manifest From the recent guide that was released along side the 2.2 stream, we have a small entry about Masked Fools which confirms that the path powers are DIRECTLY tied to their masks (this could mean both metaphorical or physical masks but from what i get from the context here it most likely refers to the physical ones?? the concept works with both possibilities tho so whatever <3 )

We know that sampo doesn't have his mask currently (which also works in a symbolic way, Masks represent the devotion to Elation, him not having it could represent how he wants to distance himself from what Elation is considered to be and pursue his own idea of it instead. The general description provided here for how masked fools are doesn't exactly fit him either whichmight further prove that idea, i should write a seperate post on that, anyways-) , so how the hell can he do shit that we assumed earlier was Elation-related powers? i have 2 possible explanations for this 1. Him being an emanator lets him use the path powers without a need for a mask, if thats the case - the mask would only provide a powerup 2. Elation emanator powers are something else altogether

when we look at his current power set/abilities it can all be tied to the fact that this is a game so, him bieng an emanator of elation would allow him to ignore the rules of this world/mainupulate said rules, simple as that it would also explain why he can break the 4th wall, why he is aware of the future events, what leads to them and/or how to stop them in the first place and how he can do stuff that contradicts what's been established lore vise (like how nobody should be able to cross the barrier between the Overworld and Underworld), those rules don't apply to him, he's beyond them. But there's more we DO have an in game example of people already messing with the reality in the same manner - Silver Wolf From what I gathered (with help of some friends of mine mwah mwah), the "reality editing" abilites of Punklorde people are directly tied to a technology present in said world - that combined with the world view of those living here results with them reating the world they live in as if it was a game

Adding onto that, during "punklorde mentality" mission we get to hear Leonard say this:

"Masked fools believe it really exists" so are the Masked Fools aware that someone could posses *actual* (not provided by technology) power to alter/manipulate reality and ignore the established rules of the world? We can kinda see such thing happening with Aha in stimulated universe, not only do they break the 4th wall, but according to Herta they also seem to be affecting the stimulated universe itself Aha's manipulation of reality is also mentioned in the "Glimpses into the Beyond"

So maybe to wrap it all up: 1. Sampo could be aware of the possible future events and use the reality manipulation abilities/the fact that the rules don't apply to him to achieve a desired outcome 2. Him and the Stellaron Hunters have some paralels in the narrative when it comes to the role that they play and what they do?? kinda??? 3. Punklorde people could be affiliated with Elation to some extent, even if not directly blessed by it I am probably VERY wrong about all of this but honestly I'm having fun with this theory so idc <3

[bitterrobin]

Things I hate/dislike about Fanon-Damian Wayne

AKA me just bitching about the various icks of Damian portrayals in fanon that range from weirdly racist things to a blatant misunderstanding of the core character.

Whitewashing - not only in art, but in descriptions; making Damian pale or white, an "exact copy of Bruce" and having blue eyes. He'll share features with Bruce of course, but it's rare I see anyone describe him with traits from Talia or Ras or Melisande. Y'know he's still half Arab/Chinese despite Bruce being white. He should have, at the very least, a shade of brown skin and non-blue eyes.

Describing Damian like an animal (hissing, biting, clawing), calling him feral or rabid - I already have a post about how its pretty racist to constantly describe a poc character like this, so I won't go any further here. Also, rabid, really? Anyone who calls Damian that will die by my hand because it's so genuinely ignorant that I just can't excuse it.

Overuse of terms like "Blood Son", gremlin, "Demon Spawn", "Satan" - these spawned completely in fandom and its gotten to the point that I will immediately click off something if its included. Just stop using these as shorthand to describe him or joke about him. Come up with something else, or maybe just don't include Damian in a fic if he's only there to get made fun of.

Connected to the "Blood Son" term, making Damian obsessed with his biological status as Bruce's child and making him demean his adopted siblings/other adopted characters - he's only had a couple instances of this in canon comics. Once, in his introduction in the fight with Tim written by Grant Morrison when his character was still being fleshed out. Again, in a fight with Tim in Red Robin when Damian is mostly being written as an antagonist and not a character of his own. It frustrates me to no end when this is brought up because Damian's status with being Bruce's son has nothing to do with biological connection or genetics. It has everything to do with just being a son of a father that doesn't put any effort to knowing you and seeing him have deep connections to other kids that you have been raised to see as competition, not family.

Constantly having him carry around a sword/katana - this does happen in some comics, but its really not the main weapon he uses as Robin. A good majority of his time as Robin he just used the standard stuff (batarangs, grapple etc). The really aggravating part is when fics insinuate that he'd carry one around in public or in school.

Making Bruce's half of the family his good white saviors, while also making the al Ghuls evil abusers - if you demonize Talia and then prop up Bruce as a good dad who's done nothing wrong to Damian then I'm going to assume that you don't read comics and you don't have a good understanding of Damian's relationship with his parents. If you make Dick or Jason the good protective big brothers while putting down Talia or Ras or Mara, again, I'm going to assume the worst. Dick did not like Damian when they first met. Tim spent most of their time together as Red Robin/Robin hating him. Jason shot Damian point blank in the chest the first meeting they had, and then continued to threaten his life. Damian has never had a great relationship with anyone in the batfamily when he first appeared. Yes, not even Stephanie or Cassandra or Duke. With everyone, it took time for him to be tolerated much less liked or understood. Making them the ones who understood him and babied him from the start ruins his character development and his relationships with them. Only if you're writing an au where Damian is raised by Bruce, then it's excusable but still not the least bit right when handling the al Ghuls.

Making Damian ignorant or plain stupid, especially when comes to white American concepts - Damian is insanely smart. He knows what riddles are. He knows what metaphors are. He knows that Gotham is a city in New Jersey in America, and that American concepts like school clubs and sports teams and cliques and dances exist. Sometimes it sounds you're making Damian intentionally an idiot when you imply he doesn't know what a video game or a tv show is. Just because he grew up sheltered does not mean he's fucking blind. He's a kid who grew up Middle Eastern, not in another planet.

nitpick but Damian calling Bruce "baba" at every turn or throwing in "habibi" when you write ship content - I am not Arabic, but i'd feel the same kind of annoyance if someone wrote Damian calling Bruce "papa" or "padre" all the time, or randomly listing off Spanish endearments in ship fics. In moderation, it can be cute and appreciative. But sometimes it reads like you just discovered a new funny word and you're throwing it around for no reason.

Insisting that Damian should have learned morality or been punished severely by any of the bats when he first showed up - I must stress that none of them did jack shit to teach Damian any kind of morality when he appeared. Bruce met him, yelled at him, fucked off for a mission, came back and then promptly left him behind with Talia before they were presumed dead by explosion. Then Bruce straight up died. Bruce had very little to do with Damian in the early era. Dick, also, didn't really do anything in terms of actually sitting Damian down and explaining the Bat code or just general "killing=bad". He taught Damian to be Robin, and by that process, gradually got through to him about being a hero and a good person. You cannot expect good behavior from a child from the get-go if you've done nothing to teach that child. On that matter then, implying that Damian should have been kicked out of the house or beaten up on behalf of Tim as a form of punishment or a "teaching moment" is genuinely insane. You're going to abuse the already abused ten year old because he hurt your favorite character? Really? You're truly the pinnacle of an adult figure that he should respect /s.

Being annoying about Damian's attitude towards other characters - he's sarcastic and rude on purpose. It's pretty clear from the start to Damian that no one likes him, so he chooses to not like them back. If you cry about him calling Tim names, then I honestly think you don't have a high opinion of Tim at all if you think a seventeen/eighteen year old teenager would be hurt or psychologically scarred by a ten year old calling him a mean name.

Exaggerating Damian's violence and making people terrified of him - calling his fights with Tim "attempted murder" both undermines what murder actually is and undermines Tim's skill levels. The cutting the line incident for example. Obviously the action of cutting it was dangerous, but if you genuinely believe that Tim would have died from it or that he would regard it with any PTSD-level importance is (imo) kind of stupid. We always hear about the actions Damian takes around other characters, but never the canon reaction. In the 2009-2011 era, Tim was angry and annoyed about Damian. Whenever Damian did anything to him, he fought back. He would shoot back remarks, land a blow. Tim wasn't scared of Damian. They didn't even live together long enough for Tim to feel "unsafe in his own home." The second Damian became Robin, Tim left. They never lived in the same house since then, until the reboot, and even then Tim has been pretty independent and Damian has been away from Gotham more often than in it. Same deal applies to Dick and Steph and Jason and Cass, they never took Damian's actions lying down. He's just a mild annoyance to them. In fact, Damian doesn't attack them in their sleep. He doesn't try to kill them every chance he gets. He doesn't plot their demise. Every instance of Damian fighting someone in the family has either been; protective impulse, a reaction to a fight they instigated, or a sparring-type situation where neither of them are taking things seriously.

[aroaceleovaldez]

random question but i came across a post of yours where you talked about how mark oshiro sort of erased an aspect of nico's ADHD by making a joke about how he only liked mythomagic cards because he's gay and there are hot guys on the cards, and then TSATS also seemed to really downplay the themes of neurodivergence in the series. and it made me wonder if you have any thoughts on how the show has portrayed the demigods' ADHD and dyslexia so far? i've seen some people say that the show also downplayed it a lot, and i'm inclined to agree... which feels really weird considering that rick's own son's neurodivergence was specifically a major inspiration for him writing the series. but if i recall correctly a lot of scenes showcasing that in the first book were taken out of the show.

Oh absolutely, a lot of scenes and general discussion about adhd/dyslexia were removed in the show (and some of the disability-coding in general - i appreciate the change they made with making Chiron disabled based on his mythos rather than just using a wheelchair as a disguise, but i wish they had kept Grover's crutches in a similar manner honestly) - I've made a couple of posts discussing it: here, here, and this reblog is relevant to my opinions about the matter. There's probably some other stuff in my pjo tv crit tag.

I think the main sentiment i have regarding it - which i've seen a couple of other people mention as well - is how much the show ignores or outright removes and downplays Percy's personal struggles with his disabilities to instead emphasize Sally's experiences instead, particularly in manners of her taking out her stress on Percy - which alongside being completely antithetical to Sally's role in the books, is pretty ableist and why I continually compare show!Sally to Autism Speaks Parents. Autism Speaks tends to make an emphasis on the struggles of the parents of autistic children rather than treating autistic individuals like a person experiencing their own struggles. One of the major points of Sally's character (and later Paul) in the books is that she's an incredibly accommodating parent and works hard to make sure Percy is supported when he's struggling with his disabilities, because he's not been able to find that accommodation elsewhere. That's part of why Sally is such a great mom in particular, and is intentionally supposed to directly contrast Annabeth's home life struggles with her parents having difficulty navigating how to provide that same level of accommodation to help support her (and how Annabeth finds that accommodation at CHB instead, because that's the metaphor that CHB is supposed to represent - an appropriately accommodating system they can rely on, and then exploring how that's still a flawed system and looking at how disabled kids/demigods fall through the cracks and how to change the system to better support them).

The show also almost completely ignores Percy's ADHD/dyslexia experiences in general after the first episode. I was honestly really happy with, in the first episode, how clearly Percy's poor experiences in the American education system, particularly relating to his neurodivergence, have informed his reaction to situations such as people trying to tell him he's a demigod in coded language. It was essentially the perfect update to something i've discussed in the past here, about how the original "all demigods have adhd/dyslexia because it's secretly SUPERPOWERS" thing was presented as the basis for the series and why that teaching/parenting style fell out of favor. We see Percy in e1 acknowledge how dismissive of his struggles it is to constantly just be told he's "special" - and we even get explicit acknowledgement of how that description is used aggressively and for ostracization (from Nancy), which is extremely true to the experiences of kids who grew up with that teaching/parenting structure. But then we get to episode 2 and... all the acknowledgement of ADHD/dyslexia/etc is gone. We get at most a one-off acknowledgement from Luke that demigods are all neurodivergent and that's it. Pretty much nothing else for the entire rest of the season, save for flashback scenes that only emphasize Sally's experiences, not acknowledge Percy's. No further acknowledgement of Percy's dyslexia, or Annabeth's, or anything about their ADHD, or even Percy's completely removed PTSD (which we know for sure because of both writer commentary [see: that second post i linked about the LA Times article] and Percy's total lack of reaction to Mr. D). Nothing.

It was extremely disheartening to say the least, having such a strong start and it evaporating completely, and I fully agree with you.

[junos-office-drama]

Love that fic, but having trouble expressing that love in a comment? Worried that you're leaving the same comments over and over?

Here are 40 comment ideas!

Keyboard Smash. Bonus points for a mix of uppercase and lowercase. End with a brief compliment: "Love it!" "So good!" "Amazing!" "This is my everything!"

Emoji string. Go as long as you feel appropriate. Throw in some 🔥 for good measure.

Quote a phrase, sentence, or passage that resonated with you, and explain why. "I love this description." "This is such beautiful language." "This metaphor is so brilliant." "This is the perfect way to describe [character/thing]."

Ask the author what inspired them to write such an incredible story. (Most authors dream of these types of comments.)

Share how the fic made you feel as you read it. Were you scared for a character? Were you cheering on your favorite? Did that smut make you all hot and bothered?

Thank the author. Bonus if you can thank them for something specific: Sharing this amazing work, introducing this awesome character, creating this cool AU, etc.

Identify your favorite character in the fic, and explain why they're your favorite.

Any indication that you're so in love with a work you literally want to eat it. My personal favorite that I've received is "I want to shove this in my mouth like an entire oreo," but "I want to print this out and stuff it in my face" and "This fic is like an amazing five-course meal, every bite is delicious!" are also winners.

For a multi-chapter fic, any version of "Wow, this keeps getting better and better!" This can really help keep an author motivated, especially if they've been focused on one longfic for a while. Longfics tend to have diminishing engagement over time, so commenting on later chapters is especially meaningful.

Tell the author that something in their fic is your "emotional support [thing]." Bob is my emotional support character, this is my emotional support fic, etc.

Tag it as if it were a social post, with all the hashtags it makes you think of. #myfavoritefic #incrediblewriting #truelove

Did you do something maybe a little dumb while reading the fic? Stay up all night reading? Nearly walk into a wall because you were reading while walking? Show up late to class because you couldn't put it down? Share your dumb thing!

Make predictions on what you think will happen next, and explain why. End your comment with something along the lines of "I can't wait to find out if I'm right or wrong!" Note: Be sure to phrase your comment as to what you predict will happen, not what you think SHOULD happen.

Did the fic make you discover a new side or facet to a character? Talk about that. "I never noticed how [trait] [character] is until I read your work!" Example: "I never noticed how creative Eric was until you brought it out in this fic, but it's absolutely true!"

Have you re-read a work (especially multiple times)? "I'm re-reading this for the third time because I love it so much."

"This is my second kudos!" Repeat as many times as you want. Third, fourth, fortieth, it's all good.

Are you a new subscriber? "Loved this so much that I subscribed!"

Are you an existing subscriber? "Every time I see an update in my inbox, I get so excited and rush to read it!"

Is there an Original Character (OC) in the fic? Ask about the OC! Ask what inspired the author to create the OC. Ask for more information about the OC's background. Ask if the OC is based on any particular character or idea. Ask how they came up with the name, and if it has any special meaning. Seriously, just ask the author about their original creation.

Tell the author how attached you're growing to their story or their characters.

"It was so [emotion] when [character] did [thing]." For example, "It was so scary when Eddie charged off on his own, I was so worried for his safety!"

Having a tough time in the real world? Let the author know if their fic or characters are a much-needed bright spot in your day.

Is the fic something you normally don't read? "Normally I'm not into [thing], but this fic is so good it's changed my mind!"

Did the author portray a complex topic well, with understanding and nuance? For example: surviving domestic abuse, coming out in a non-supportive environment, dealing with trauma, etc. Tell the author! "I can really tell you did your research. You handled [topic] so well!"

Can you personally relate to a scenario or a character in the fic? Did it touch you on a personal level? Say so!

Is it an older story? COMMENT ON THE OLDER STORY! Tell the author that it still has meaning and relevance, and that readers are still enjoying it today.

Does the fic present a pairing (or relationship) you never considered or never liked before, but now you adore? "This fic has made [pairing] my new favorite ship!" or "I was never really into [relationship] before, but this fic is so well done, I've fallen in love with them!"

A string of heart emojis (or the simple <3 ). As many as you feel appropriate. (One is appropriate. So is one hundred. You decide!) Make a rainbow if you want! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Did the fic make you look at the source material in a new way? Share. "I never noticed [thing] about [source material], but your writing really brought it out!"

Screaming about the pain and agony you're in, especially on whump, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, and similar fics. Some authors are sadists. Let them know you're suffering (in that "oh hell it's so good it hurts" kind of way).

For chapters that end on a cliffhanger: Any screaming about how much the suspense is killing you and you can't wait for the next chapter. (Just remember not to demand the next chapter. "I'm so excited for the next chapter" = good / "You have to update right now or else" = bad.)

Is the fic now part of your official headcanon, right along with the source material? "From now own, this is as official canon to me as the original [book/show/movie]!"

Is the fic's title obvious, or is it a little mysterious? Ask if there's a secret meaning behind the title, or how the author decided on the title.

Ask the author if they have a favorite character, scene, chapter, etc. Depending on the fandom, this can be very specific (favorite weapon, attack, transformation, vehicle, horse, monster, etc.).

Is it smut? Did it make you hot? Trust me, smut authors want to know.

"This [chapter/fic] was so good, I feel like I need a smoke after it."

Is there a mystery that's absolutely boggling your brain? Share your theories! (YES: "Oh, what if Prince Smidgeon is actually killer?"). Just remember to never cross the line into telling the author what to do (NO: "You should make it so Prince Smidgeon is the killer.")

"I wish I could give you a kudos for each word in this [fic/chapter], it's just that good!"

Do you like making art? Ask the author if you can make fanart of their fic!

IF, and ONLY IF, the author has very clearly requested concrit (constructive criticism), then role up your sleeves and get to work putting together truly helpful, supportive criticism. Get started with this guide here.

Do you have other suggestions for this list?

Reblog with your favorite comments to give or receive!

(Tumblr insists on re-starting the list at 1 after the cut and I have no idea how to fix it??? It really is 40, I promise.)

[saltiestgempearl]

I don't know how many trigger warnings re:dracula is going to give for tomorrow's entry, but it really is one of the most intense entries in the entire book, and not just because it is the longest. Just reading it last year made me viscerally uncomfortable (which I imagine was exactly what Stoker wanted), so I can only imagine what horrors await us when it is voiced by all these talented voice actors and further enhanced with sound effects.

So, I wanted to say a few words while still giving as few spoilers as possible.

Last year, during the time Lucy was getting all those blood transfusions, there was some talk of how perhaps it was a metaphor for rape. I think this is ridiculous, but the rationale among these fans was that the obvious metaphor for sex (e.g., having Arthur do it first, making comments on how wild it was that others did it) meant that it was essentially sex without informed consent given.

Tomorrow's entry destroys that take so completely and utterly, because it shows us exactly what a rape metaphor sounds like when Stoker writes it. And it is not. At all. Subtle. It leaves no room for doubt. If that kind of stuff triggers you, tread very carefully with the October 3 entry.

I think it's also safe to say that, given the ending of today's entry, Renfield is not doing good and there is going to be some graphic descriptions of that, as well as descriptions of deeply unpleasant (but medically-necessary) medical procedures done in response to those injuries.

[sweetbbyshion]

Eros' song

-> Shinichiro Sano x Reader (no pronouns or descriptions)

characters: Shinichiro Sano

genre: fluff

summary: you write a poem as a way to confess to your best friend

warnings: childhood friends to lovers, i wrote the poem so please don't be too mean or i'll cry, also DON'T STEAL THE POEM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD it will be my last reason, the reader is into books, first quote is from Kafka's Letters to Milena and the second is Edgar Allan Poe's Annabel Lee

network: @eveningatthemoviesnetwork

Shinichiro has been your best friend since your first memory surfaced. From the moment you could process thoughts and emotions, the man has been close to you. Truly, it was a matter of time until one of you fell in love and you happened to be the (un)lucky one.

You were no older than thirteen when the infamous incident happened. Shinichiro (also thirteen and with a really, really ugly hairstyle) looked at you and gave you a big toothy smile, like he always does whenever a cool bike passes by you. Suddenly, flowers exploded behind him, angels sang, the sun shone brighter than it had all day and you found yourself almost squinting and on the verge of throwing up because of the butterflies in your stomach. Metaphorically, obviously.

It was a shame, really. You nearly yelled at the universe for not giving this evil curse to Shinichiro instead but, apparently, the entities above also doomed Shinichiro to a life of rejection. So, you suffered because your best friend didn’t look at you and the man suffered because no girl wanted him.

At thirteen you turned into poetry and all kinds of literature, finding pieces that you related to a bit too much and, eventually, writing things yourself. Shinichiro didn’t understand most of the stuff you read, always questioning what words meant and what was so special about those poems that had you tear up so often. You shared that part of your life with him as well, showing the poems, drabbles, verses you came up with that were messily written in your journal. Fortunately for you and your weak heart, Shinichiro didn’t really understand that most of the things you wrote were about him.

It stayed that way until you were twenty three. You were less naive, more in tune with the feelings that made you want to throw up years ago and definitely in love with your best friend (who kept getting rejected even after changing the horrible hairstyle; the Gods really hated you both). Shinichiro had his own bike shop, a gang that supported him through everything and you. He still happily reads whatever you wrote in your journal and he still doesn't understand half of the stuff you have there but the honest praise and support makes your heartbeat a little bit faster. Shinichiro is there when you publish your very own poetry book, his name deservedly on the first page. To Shinichiro, who was always there for me. As Franz Kafka said “In a way, you are poetry material; You are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out.”

So, maybe, you were a bit too obvious with the whole ‘I love you’ deal but Shinichiro didn't seem to understand all the hints you dropped. Everyone around you seemed to find out about your little secret and some of his friends even went out of their way to let you know he felt the same but you weren't so sure.

“What you writing over there?” the smooth voice of Shinichiro pulls you back to reality, the noise in the shop coming back in an instant. It was almost dinner time and you came into the shop hoping to have a meal with your best friend before going home. Deciding to entertain yourself, you pulled out your notebook and a pen from your bag and wrote some ideas that popped in your head as you stared with heart eyes to the object of your affection.

“Nothing important.” A lie. The words that stared back at you formed, yet again, another finished love poem that you dreamed of showing to Shinichiro in hopes that he would read it and return your feelings. Shinichiro knew you were lying. Somehow he always knew. You refuse to return eye contact when he grabs your pen and doodles mindlessly next to the verses, a routine he acquired when you whined about the pages of your journal being too boring with just words in it. You look at his hands gently drawing small hearts (Shinichiro couldn't draw a heart even if it was to save his family but you grew to love the blob shapes) and a random dog with stars surrounding it.

“Can I read it?” You meet his eyes, tender and sweet, which were already looking at you. Your heart flips, turns and does cartwheels when Shinichiro gives you that toothy smile that makes him close his eyes and you can only let out a small “Sure.” before closing your mouth so you don't accidentally confess.

My soul holds a secret that my pen

Now wishes to share.

In ink-stained lines, my feelings find a home:

Untold to anyone but the Gods from above,

As I convoke Eros to help me compose a piece

That will reach your heart.

But do I dare?

Do I dare trouble the deities with a greedy tone

When I can’t gather the courage

To whisper confessions when we’re alone;

The only witness to my love

Being the moon shining high up

And the paper getting stained with passion.

So sure of my affection yet,

I hesitate.

Do you dare reciprocate these heavy feelings

That only keep me awake at night or

Am I merely a friend that consoles your ego

When things fall apart?

But it’s okay,

For I have accepted the possibility

The harsh, unwanted probability

That I’m doomed to an existence of unrequited love

And a lifeless life

Without the muse who inspires me

To write the most loveful poems and

The most sorrowful verses.

You nervously glance at Shinichiro while he is reading, noticing how his eyes squint and his nose scrunches from time to time (he does it when he doesn't understand something that is written). You pay close attention to his face, the poet in you wishing to remember Shinichiro until your last day if the worst was to happen. A part of you hopes the man will finally understand all of the things you wished to say but weren’t strong enough to. You pray that your poem reaches his heart and soul, that he sees you not only as a longtime friend but a life partner. “Wow.” He sighs, lifting his eyes from the paper to settle on you again. “I’ll never get tired of saying you’re really good.” Shinichiro stands back at his full height, murmuring about back pain after leaning down for so long. You look up at the man who has your world spinning around him, waiting to see if he says something more. He doesn't.

“Is that all?” You ask, playing with the bracelet on your wrist (a gift from Shinichiro when you turned 18). He looks at you confused. His eyes scan the paper again, rereading the verses to figure out if he missed anything. He still looks lost so you grab the pen and, in a moment of courage, you write a few words at the bottom of the poem. For Shinichiro, who I “loved with a love that was more than love”. The handwriting is shaky, giving away the anxiety exuding out of you. Shinichiro reads the additional words, then stops, then looks at you. You get up, not being able to have his body towering you that way. He is standing next to you and, for the first time, you’re not sure about the emotions revealed by his eyes. You wonder if you made a mistake confessing out of nowhere, in his shop, while his siblings and friends are hanging out and the last customers exit. You should have eased your way into the subject but what’s done is done and all you have left is to wait.

“I know I’m not the smartest person…” Shinichiro’s eyes are on you, reading your every move. “But does this mean what I think it means?” You nod, not trusting your voice. His eyes widen and, in a sudden movement, Shinichiro is even closer to you. His hands are on each side of your face, forcing you to look at him. “You wrote a poem for me. A love poem.” You nod again, your movements a bit restricted by the big hands holding your face in place. “I’m going to kiss you.”

Shinichiro gives you five seconds to step back before his lips are crashing against yours. You don't think any poem, book, word could describe what you felt the moment your lips met. It’s fast and a bit clumsy but you couldn't be more happy this happened, unable to control the smile when Shinichiro stops the kiss to look at you. You want to giggle like a young teenager when Shinichiro gives you that smile you love more than anything. “Does this mean you feel the same?”

“Yeah. Have for a while. Couldn't stand the thought of getting rejected by you though.” His thumb caresses your cheek and you find yourself leaning to the touch.

“I would never reject you.” You murmur, embarrassed at such revelation. “You know there’s a quote from Emily Brontë-”

“Tell me about her in a bit.” Shinichiro interrupts you. “I want to kiss you again.”

The next time you write a poem isn't about Shinichiro, your best friend. Instead, you dumped all of the new (reciprocated) feelings about Shinichiro, your boyfriend, and the experiences you get from living with him by your side. Most of your poems were and will probably always be about Shinichiro Sano, no matter the status he holds in your life. You get to love your muse and your boyfriend gets a lifetime supply of romantic poetry dedicated to him (as well as quotes that fit each situation).

[1800titz]

Okay besties, I feel that I’m usually very nice on here, and I never, ever post negative anons (firstly because I’m blessed that very few people who stumble into my corner of the internet feel the need to send something nasty, and secondly because that simply defeats the purpose of the space I try to cultivate), but I have to make a lil announcement and it might come off a little stern.

I’m not sure why I have to make this announcement, but I guess it’s time to remind people of that little rule we all learned when we were kids; “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

I’ve gotten two asks this like now and I’m going to assume that they’re from the same person (in good faith of the people who browse my blog) because I didn’t block the first time (I would hope numerous people aren’t taking it upon themselves to anonymously send in messages like this) but going forward: sending in an ask like this will get you blocked. You are gaining absolutely nothing by sending something like this in, because you are not going to get your desired outcome. Whether that be to make me feel some type of way about my own writing, or get me to change my writing style. It’s just a really weird thing to do. It doesn’t make me want to simplify my writing for you. It just makes me want to stop sharing it with tumblr.

Absolutely no offense to the book-tok lovers, because I know that the type of prose that’s been blowing up has been really simple, non-descriptive stuff. If your goal is to have an easy read and just consume, that’s okay, but you’re probably not going to vibe with my writing style. Prose is supposed to make you analyze. It’s supposed to be poetic and full of metaphors. A story is supposed to enthrall you with it’s worldbuilding and immerse you. Make you think, make you learn new words. I read a lot of classics, and one of my favorite things about reading those is analyzing the structure and learning new words. If you’re not into reading, that’s all good, but don’t read my stuff and take it upon yourself to make an unwelcome criticism (when writing styles all differ because enjoyment is subjective). It makes me feel super weird that someone who reads my stuff thinks it’s okay to send things like that.

It’s okay not to like something. Just keep it to yourself and don’t read. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you! Just scroll :)

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

Can we get a variation of the off-limits list so we can all nod knowingly when you say what your location is in-game bc We Know What You Had To Change

YES absolutely, a fine ask and I may pin this response

assurance: I may write like a goblin but I promise I am a confident DM, my friends and I are all having fun with this challenge, and I'm only panicking about how to stitch up plot holes and not how to run the game. And I was already planning on changing a bunch of shit in CoS before my players asked for it to be PG-13 and chill.

that said I've never had to adjust anything quite as hot a mess as CoS before, and I foolishly haven't finished reading this 265 page tome yet so idek what wild shit is waiting for me in the back half, BUT HERE WE GO

BELOW IS THE LIST OF STUFF THAT'S OFF-LIMITS AT THE TABLE

We've agreed the following topics and tropes will be avoided at the table, and will not feature as plot in our story. I've asked players to not include these themes in their backstories or act out these tropes during play:

Ableism, ableist behavior

Bugs (insects, spiders, grubs, maggots, etc., one of my players has a big problem with swarms of little bugs especially)

Cancer or cancer-like disease (no tumors, cancerous growths, etc.)

Cannibalism

Claustrophobic scenarios

Clowns (hilariously I thought this one wouldn't come up BUT THEN I FOUND SOME CLOWN SHIT SOMEWHERE IN CASTLE RAVENLOFT)

Creepy dolls (similar to clowns)

Drug addiction, mechanics that simulate addiction

Eyeball trauma or spooky eyeball imagery

Genocide (stares at Rahadin)

Hangings/lynching (including general gallows imagery)

Homophobia

Incest

Necrophilia

Racism (including fantasy racism)

Religion (we can mention like, a church or a god or something, but we want to avoid religion being a driving plot point or dealing with NPCs who do stuff because of their religion; I've got some plans to get around this but I have a feeling this one in particular may Get Complicated later in the module).

Self-harm

Sexual assault (I gotta be careful with vampire stuff since It's Kind Of A Metaphor)

Slavery, slave labor

Suicide (stares at Strahd's backstory)

Transphobia

Realistic acts of terrorism (very fantasy terrorism is ok though!)

Realistic descriptions of torture

[dev-solovey]

So I just read this awesome LGBT extreme horror book:

(description in alt text)

Content warnings: gore, cockroaches, sexual assault, discussions of prison, gender dysphoria, transphobia

I want to give some context about the author, based on her interview with Asher Dark on YouTube as well as my own conversations with her (she's super sweet!). This was her first book, which she wrote while she was in prison - AND while she was transitioning. She began her transition in prison, and the intersection of those two experiences informs the narrative as well as drawing parallels between imprisonment and dysphoria.

The story surrounds a transgender woman named Vera who's staying in a cabin alone for the summer so she can focus on writing her next horror book. As she becomes increasingly paranoid due to isolation, her writing gets more disturbing - writing that is threaded into the narrative about a killer who defiles women in some of the worst ways possible. Vera is disturbed by this writing because something about this killer feels too real.

From here on, there are spoilers. Also, this is an extreme horror/splatterpunk book, it should go without saying that things are about to get really, really gnarly. This is your one and final warning about that, you are not allowed to whine in the comments beyond this point. Dead dove, do not eat.

So the prologue is arguably one of the most brutal parts of the book. It ends with this killer sexually assaulting the woman he's kidnapped by binding her hands and feet, then putting a jar of cockroaches in her pussy and lighting a flame beneath it, sending the cockroaches fleeing from the heat up inside her. Extremely shocking beginning, but the things that stood out to me most is the parallels to prison.

Prison really is the ultimate violation of autonomy. You're being literally locked up, physically and mentally, in a where things like sexual assault and pest problems are rampant and inescapable. When Carietta told me that this book represents everything she felt and experienced in prison, I didn't expect those feeling to punch me in the face so quickly, but I'm glad they did. It's terrifying and uncomfortable, but that's the point - it sets up what this story is about.

The first chapter tells us a bit about Vera's life - she has a conversation with her (very sweet) fiance, Connor, where they establish that she's going to be at this cabin alone while he's off doing field research for his own profession. From there, the story whips back and forth between Vera writing and going about her day, and the brutal actions of this killer.

Throughout the story, we see more and more details about this killers envy of women, and Vera's own struggles with dysphoria. Much like in prison, she can only talk to Connor over the phone, and she feels she's growing more distant from him to the point where she becomes increasingly envious and thinks he might be cheating on her - a thought fueled by her returning dysphoria. Later in the book, we see that the killer's motivations for tormenting women come from a hatred of them, a hatred which is later revealed to be jealousy in disguise. He wants to be a woman, but believes he can't be - and that makes him want to torment attractive women because it's not fair that he can't be one too.

The two parts of the story meet at the end, and you realize that the killer is what Vera could have become if she repressed herself any longer. As a transgender man myself, I absolutely loved this metaphor. Many people who are trans, before they realize it, put themselves through their own personal conversion therapy, where they tried to stuff down the other gender as much as possible. And that's essentially what this killer is doing - he's not just tormenting some woman he's kidnapped, but metaphorically, he's tormenting the woman within Vera, chaining her up and keeping her trapped and oppressed.

The torment that he enacts really makes the reader squirm, as it should - it's intended to evoke ever-present discomfort, which is exactly what gender dysphoria is too. As I read, I think on some level I always knew how it was going to end, even though it still kept me guessing. Because it matched up with my own experiences so well, I had the suspicion that the killer was just another side of Vera, but I never knew how the two elements were going to come together until the very last page.

The storytelling structure of Unmarked Grave is non-linear, very unconventional. If you're looking for something plotty and straightforward, this isn't it - it's a reflection of personal experiences, which are always messy and never fully resolved. It's raw and brutal.

The extreme horror serves it well for that reason. At best, dysphoria makes you uncomfortable, and at worst it makes you feel like you're going insane. A genre like extreme horror is perfect for evoking that feeling. The constant s itching between points of view is also extremely disorienting, and while that made it occasionally difficult to follow, I see why the author made that choice, as it serves the metaphor well.

I highly recommend this book to any queer horror fans out there - you can purchase it on Amazon, where you can also find Carietta Dorsch's other works, including a short story collection she released just last month. If you want to learn more about her, she did an interview on the Unveiling Nightmares channel with Asher Dark, where she goes into more detail about her work.

Lastly, I wanted to share some pictures of my copy of the book - I purchased a signed copy, and what she did with the packaging was so neat I just have to share it with everyone:

She packed it in an envelope designed to look like police evidence, and included a few horror movies stickers and fake cockroaches to go along with the theme. My favorite touch on the evidence package is under remarks, where it says "STAY OUT OF THE WOODS".

And of course, here's her signature:

If you read it, don't forget to leave a review - much like small businesses, indie authors live and die by reviews. If not, please reblog and share to support a trans horror creator!!

[shrekgogurt]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thank you for the tags! @artsyunderstudy @roomwithanopenfire @youarenevertooold @emeryhall @monbons @larkral I'm eating up reading your answers because we're all so DIFFERENT.

How many works do you have on AO3? 9 (technically 10 but we orphaned one of them out of shame)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 99,978 (mine) + 7,531 (shared) + 9,991 (someone else's) = 117, 500 (total)

What fandoms do you write for? presently, Carry On but back during my high school ff.net days I did some Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus (Percabeth and some separate OCs), Alex Rider (OCs), The 100 (as an elaborate prank), Harry Potter (literally just a My Immortal parody), and Divergent (OCs) and if they weren't oneshots they were never finished.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? YES! I'm currently behind on my replies, but it's so fun! It's like a book club but for stuff I created!!???? Shit rocks. I fully didn't expect anyone to read IKABIKAM (my first fic on ao3) when I first published it and so every comment still feels like a miracle.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! I love collaborating because it gives me something to bounce off of. A scene partner. A ticking timer. It's like lifting a heavy object by yourself versus getting someone else to bear some of the weight with you. It's easier. I also find myself constantly seeking collaboration with other people even with my solo fics. I'm all up in those DMs pestering people both as motivation and as external processing. And by GOD, do you fuckers have some good ideas. Y'all make me exponentially better.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? SnowBaz but also in a very real sense...Percabeth. (You never forget your first.)

What are your writing strengths? I got my start with rping, so dialogue is really comfortable for me. I also think my training in other art forms (dance, music, theatre, film, academia) positively influence my approach. When writing action, I often mentally frame it as 'blocking' the scene or 'choreographing' the movement. When crafting sentences, I'm constantly evaluating the rhythm and rhyme and repetition (not to mention alliteration) as if it's a song, always searching for the perfect word or metaphor. I also listen to actual songs and pull the emotion from them, using them as character studies or a musical soliloquy. I imagine shots and then write what I see from the perspective of a director explaining the actor’s motivating thoughts. I constantly revisit my thesis, grounding the narrative in callbacks and a cohesive structure like it's an academic paper. And all those things combined create this kinetic cause and effect style I'm really proud of and tangibly improves every time I write something new.

What are your writing weaknesses? I do not have a firm grasp on proper grammar. I'm also really slow and inconsistent with my output because my process is so physically disorganized and meticulous which often frustrates me. I'm also impatient. I don't do wholesale messy drafts; I edit as I go and when I'm done I want it published immediately. I also fall victim to the white room syndrome with physical descriptions. Establishing shots? Don't know them. What a guy looks like? What they're wearing? Sorry, I haven't told you because it felt weird to jam in there. Outside of fanfiction, I also struggle with creating something from nothing. I'm a theologian rather than a god. I much prefer playing in a sandbox and exegeting meaning from someone else's grunt work rather than conjuring the wood and the sand myself. My writing is also incredibly referential to pop culture which I'm not sure would translate outside of fanfic, but I guess I'll cross that bridge if I ever get to it.

First fandom you wrote for? Divergent (big cringe)

Now tagging! @onepintobean @cutestkilla @theearlgreymage @thewholelemon @mooncello @brilla-brilla-estrellita @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @urban-sith @prettygoododds @valeffelees @ileadacharmedlife TELL ME HOW YOU WRITE YOU GENIUSES