#like literally thats the whole point. he loves life. he wants to prevent other people being hurt and having their life cut short or

[martyrbat]

detective comics #368

[ID: Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne attending the Architectural Fair, where the exhibit ‘Gotham City: Yesterday, Today — And Tomorrow’ is being held. Dick is being a bit of a dick and is unimpressed. He tells Bruce, “I know what these former and present-day houses are like, Bruce! I'd like to see the House Of The Future everybody's talking about!” Bruce excitedly responds, “It's made from a special new lightweight material, stronger than steel!” They walk to a replica of the Wayne Manor! Dick gasps, “Why — there's Wayne Manor! Makes me feel right at home!” Bruce smiles as he admits, “I knew it had been selected for duplication in the exhibit, but I kept it as a surprise for you, Dick!”

Moments later, they walk into the lifesize display of ‘the house of the future’. Dick awes at the features! “Wow! Special panels to show the latest news stories! An inbuilt television set to focus anywhere in the world you want to pick up a channel! Buttons to start food cooking, to clean rooms automatically — but... But... There isn't a single lamp or light bulb anywhere in the room! They forgot to put in the lights!” Bruce responds, “No, they didn't, Dick! Just press that button control on the wall!” Dick does as he's told which causes the walls to start to glow! Dick is amazed at this discovery! “Terrific! No light bulbs to change, nothing to short-circuit, no fuses to blow out!” Bruce tells him it's called ambient luminescence! END ID]

[lubrumalis]

I know you've already glossed over how simon would be with a partner and what kind of person he would need. but would you be able to go more in depth about what type of person you think he'd be interested in? what kind of person do you think would suit him best?

ghosts ideal type

who would this man be interested in?

first of all, i think ghost isn’t blinded by physical attraction. of course everyone has their preferences when it comes to height, weight, etcetc but i really dont think ghost cares. at least for 2009 ghost, hes a gentleman who doesn’t judge others. tall? short? fat? skinny? ugly? pretty? he doesn’t give a fuck. i think 2009 ghost is very attracted to kindness and compassion for others, leading him to have a soft spot. in the end i think he’d be very interested in someone who constantly is on the lookout for others and is very independent. in the comic hes always the one saving others and taking that responsibility, so he finds it nice when theres someone out there thats similar. hes the typa guy to fall for the girl next door whos constantly smiling, but knows how to playfully banter with him.

i highly doubt ghost would ever be attracted to someone in tf141 or working with him in the military… since to him work is work. there are also no females in the SAS (its true!) with only 2 passing pre selection in 2021, meaning ghost would have little exposure to working with female teammates. even if there is, it would be a huge slow burn romance imo.

also on the enemies to lovers thing—i dont see that happening. reboot ghost gives the vibes of a man who’d lowkey do that at first, but itd never happen. ghost is a simple man when it comes to relationships: i like you + you like me = mutual feelings. he wouldn’t get the whole ‘i kind of hate you because im pissed at you but also find you attractive’ trope. in fact he’d find it really annoying. he was already betrayed by his soldier teammates once, hes not gonna take it well if someone on his team suddenly gets aggressive towards him in the name of 'attraction'.

ghost isn’t shallow. but he would want his partner to be clean of drugs, have basic hygiene, and dress cutely from time to time. stuff like big ass and big boobs with an hourglass isn’t of his concern at all. in the comic he was in this bar full of prostitutes with his team, every soldier was enjoying their time with a girl—except ghost. he even told a prostitute to go fuck off when she got too touchy. so this can prove hes really not that hypersexual.

traits s/o needs

someone independent. they can cook, clean, live on their own for long periods of time. ghost is a soldier, meaning his schedule is different from most men. hes deployed for sometimes 6 months at a time, so his s/o needs to be content with living alone for long periods of time. the fact ghost is also deployed in active war zones and literal deserts while surviving on 5 hours of sleep, means he cant text or call daily either. this person can’t think that ghost is being distant or not loving them enough, its simply the life of a top tier SAS soldier. ghost doesn’t want this to happen either, but the person must be able to feel secure and independent without him… this also means knowing the possibility ghost could die at any point during his deployment.

someone who values acts of service. first of all, ghost has had a lot of people disappoint him in his life. general shepherd, his american teammates during the mission to destroy roba, and his dad. id argue his brother tommy too (used to be an addict), though its not disappointment its moreso “im not happy you’re on drugs”. ghost needs someone who does things for him that proves trustworthiness and loyalty. small things, like taking care of him when hes sick and preparing a warm meal when he comes back from the freezing outside. id imagine ghost does the same for his partner.

someone with good and strict morales. ghost is a good guy, and we know it. he prevented a girl from getting sexually assaulted, spent years guiding his drug addict brother into rehab, and will just punch about anyone who he thinks is pure evil. even after months of brainwashing and torture done by roba, when every american special forces soldier gave in, ghost didnt. he needs someone similar—morales they will never break … ever. even when tortured.

[kuregure]

everyones saying the mahiren chapters r implying shes manipulating guren like ohhh my god ............

i totally think it's the opposite! guren understands that they're doing this together, and honestly if theyre both such evil characters they should stick together and not destroy the lives of others any further..

but i think that shes not manipulating him because guren plays an essential part in their plan which is why she says that she cant let him die because of how important he is (and obviously due to her affections for him) also thats Mahiru-No-Yo, if I'm correct..? guren isn't someone whos prone to manipulation either tbh because of the novels and such..... theres no guilt that can overwhelm him

even so i think its rlly obvious that they like each other: i mean the whole line about how they'd die together? shinjuu...

well mahiren clearly won this chapter hahaha

Helloww so yeah I saw different points of view on the topic of this chapter! I didn't go through all of tumblr because you know, the haters are back, but I saw a few posts!

I want to clarify that I'm not Kagami lmao so I have no idea who's right and who's wrong, we're not in his head and besides, he doesn't really give a clear answer.

So I'm just going to state my point of view here. first of all when I read the chapter I was AAAAA MAHIREN so I read quite quickly and I really liked the sentences "i refuse to put you in danger" as well as what Guren said about dying together. Well, no I didn't like that last part but you know what I mean, it reminded me of cat16 so I was a little nostalgic but I was sad because he seemed over the whole situation, as if he realized that he wouldn't succeed and that he was giving up. The guy's eyes are dead.

Then, Mahiru said "if you die, it's over for me" and I admit that at the time I said to myself: so you wouldn't care if he died if it didn't get to you? But then I said to myself that it's impossible since we know, Mahiru doesn't want Guren to die simply because she loves him. She always protected him. Remember, she took half of the demon on herself to prevent Guren from completely losing control in chapter 83. She told him that she was going to protect him, that everything would be okay and that she wouldn't let him get carried away. To me, it's still proof that she cares about him, even as Mahiru-no-Yo. Since yes, Mahiru no longer exists normally and this is what makes things even more complex to understand because Mahiru-no-Yo does not seem to be a demon like the others, it seems that she has retained certain things from Mahiru like her affection and protection for Guren and Shinoa (the two most important people to her). Mahiru was already a complex character, the fact that she is Mahiru-no-Yo now complicates things even more.

So I think Mahiru-no-Yo obviously cares about Guren, she doesn't want him to die because he's literally the love of her life, her light. And on the other hand, Guren is also obviously an essential piece in the plan for the resurrection of humanity, he has been working on it for 8 years and putting it in place. Then Mahiru-no-Yo also wants to continue the plan since she contributes to it herself so if Guren dies, she too will not be able to accomplish the plan. So I think it's a mix of both. She cares about Guren's life as much as she cares about the plan, especially since they are so close now.

Besides, Mahiru-no-Yo seemed pretty pissed that Guren said that. Like, she doesn't want him to give up like that so yeah, she can get carried away and try to bring him to his senses. Looks like it worked since Guren ran straight in to save her. The guy is a machine for protecting people. We'll see if he survives Krul's attack. It's a mystery~

Honestly everyone can interpret her words in different ways, we never really know with Kagami lmao but here's my pov.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Hamilton!firstprince au

(cross posted from twitter with a couple of edits b/c i couldn’t make them there)

in which i loosely follow the plot of hamilton except its firstprince and alex and henry get a happy ending. inspired by the striking similarities i noted between our favorite first son and his namesake hamilton in the broadway musical

the similarities:

both have/will have a political career

both often talk too much/don't mind their words

both began as lawyers

both extremely motivated but overwork themselves (“nonstop” +  “you have a fire under ur ass for no good goddamn reason)

both had some sort of sex scandal that impacted their career plans

hamilton speculated to be bi

the story

the setup of the colonized country alex lives in is similar to the usa vs england but fictional bc alexs race would have limited his opportunities in america's early years

idk names for either of these countries so its now the colony and the motherland

alex + his mom live alone in the poorer southern part of the colony

but his dad + june live elsewhere + they dont rly contact e/o (tho they do know of e/o’s existence)

june becomes a journalist who writes important pieces abt independence

when alex comes of age his mom reveals she used to be part of the rebellion

thats actually why his dad left to raise june bc it was too dangerous

his parents met in the rebellion but oscar left first for june while ellen stayed until she realized she was pregnant w alex

ellen still has some rebel contacts but she mostly sheltered alex to keep him safe

now tho alex decides to join too + the rebellion sends him up north to the capital for an education bc he's smart + they need people like that

he attends uni + meets like-minded people there

tension grows btwn the colony in the motherland, and alex + his friends write/speak out often and this goes on throughout their schooling

they’re also troublemakers in general too, much to the annoyance of the motherland soldiers stationed in the capital to prevent rebellion

henry is one of those soldiers

he's from a noble family in the motherland but was sent overseas as the sort of black sheep of the family due to his sexuality

the idea was to let him be in charge in the colony + reestablish a reputation there w/o embarrassing the main family back home

henry hates his job + feels bad for the colonists but still does what he's told anyway

alex + fhis riends like to bug motherland soldiers for fun

nothing  enough to put their lives in danger too much (although yes that too esp when drunk)

henry becomes a favorite target of alex's bc he's awfully stoic + statue like + on the way to uni - overall fun to antagonize 

there's also the fact that alex is angry at all the soldiers for oppressing the colony + holding up the motherland monarchs tyranny (but also alex just is the type to fight literally everything and anything) 

it becomes almost a daily ritual for them to argue 

henry wonders why this colonist keeps on picking a fight w him but soon almost looks forward to it

many of the other soldiers know or speculate why henry is in the colony but none make the effort to get to know him; some even call him arrogant or undeserving of his position

alex doesn't 

of course alex also doesn't know him

and alex hates him

but he doesn't whisper behind henry's back

henry comes to read some of the essays alex publishes speaking out against the monarchy + also hears alex speak to crowd in the square

alex is a talented + charismatic public speaker

henry finds himself growing increasingly sympathetic to the colonists cause

at the same time he and the other soldiers are order to be stricter and dole out more punishments

the others gleefully do so which makes henry concerned about alex's safety bc alex often seems to have no self-preservation skills

henry asks alex for a word when he's alone 

“am I in trouble?” “no but you bloody will be if u keep going on like this” 

“this is serious” “so am I” “you can't go around saying things so openly you'll get yourself killed”

alex tries to leave at this point “I think I'll be ok” but henry shoves him against the nearest wall 

“listen to me! stop acting like this is a game! ur putting ur sodding life in danger! I dont bloody care what ur opinions r but why must u declare them around enemy soldiers? how is this helpful 2 ur cause? u cant fight if ur dead” 

“you'd b surprised how effective martyrs are” 

cue enraged henry noises 

alexs gaze turns hard “listen i  appreciate/the advice” he says sarcastically “but I dont need an enemy telling me what to do. I can take care of myself” 

there's a stirring in alexs chest after he removes henry's hand and stalks off that he's pretty sure is anger

like it can't be anything else 

while alex is trying to convince himself of that, the tensions boil over + soon the two sides are on the brink of war then the fighting starts

henry + alex don't talk much for a while bc they're both busy on their sides preparing

school is on hold during the war so alex + his friends are looking to serve + bring glory to their names 

alex esp is recognized for his intelligence + becomes the recognized general rafael lunas secretary

luna is the george washington figure in this case who is impressed by alex wants him as his right-hand man

alex is disappointed his role is not on the battlefield bc he knows he has a good tactical mind + he could change the tide of a losing war + gain honor and status thru it, which would put him in a good position to be elected in the future

as secretary, alex is in charge of a lot of important correspondence eg for more supplies + men, so the motherland soldiers figure ambushing him off the battlefield would make things hard for the colonists

henry overhears this plan + immediately worries for alex's safety but he's cornered by another soldier to talk strategy + misses the chance to take out the men then

henry manages to catch that they're going to attack alex at night when he leaves + henry arrives just in time to kill them in a panic

alex hears the gunshot + yells “drop ur weapon”, drawing his own gun

henry obviously does + alex inspects the scene he keeps a gun fixed on henry

��what's going on?” he asks, eyeing henry w/ suspicion

henry explains everything + looks positively terrified bc he just betrayed his side even tho the motherland and his family has treated him like shit since he came out but still. 

becoming an outright traitor is not something henry ever planned + leaving behind everything he's ever known w no hope of ever going back is terrifying

but he also doesn't regret protecting alex

alex questions henry but can quickly tell henry is sincere + is telling the truth

henry explains his change of heart + they have a heartfelt moment in/just outside luna's office.

alex almost died + henry just switched sides, emotions are running high and they escalate into a kiss. the moon is out + it's all very romantic but they don't admit their feelings yet

soon after they go to luna, explain the situation + talk w the other generals/people in charge

henry is sent away on an assignment + is watched closely at first but he proves his loyalty quickly

henry and alex write letters back + forth that turn into love letters 

besides managing correspondence for luna, some of alexs ideas of sneak attacks/stealing supplies help turn the tide of the war andhe also writes to other countries for foreign aid

eventually the colonists win in this huge up start that no one anticipated bc the motherland is known as the most powerful country in the world

he + henry reunite in the capital of once the war is over

alex finishes up his studies + practices law + soon is chosen to be part of the new lawmaking body

things are going pretty well for alex w his legal + political success and his relationship with henry

they dont live together but theyre dating tho no one else knows

alex pretends to be single instead + says he doesn't want to be tied down

it works while he's still in his early 20s but as he gets closer to 30, people start to find it strange + tell him he needs to settle

being married to his work is also not a valid excuse anymore

it turns out alex made quite a few political enemies due to his strong opinions that he always vocalises + can be unwilling to compromise on

they don't like his ideas or more often hate him and hence his ideas too

they look for some dirt on him bc atm he has lunas support which has a lot of sway + decide they need to find out why he hasn't married

they manage to find out about henry + threaten to tell the public

alex is obviously distraught re the consequences personally + politically

so alex and henry discuss what to do 

henry is willing to put alexs political career 1st but firmly explains their relationship can't continue if that's the case

henry gave up his whole life + any possibility of going back to his family so he's not willing to be someone's dirty little secret  

alex doesn't know what to do so he goes to consult luna who he's become very close with over the years

luna is not quite old enough to be his father but he's like an uncle + he always calls alex “kid”, much to alex's annoyance

but alex knows he'll have some good advice

alex + luna end up having a long conversation

like washington luna has always been very vocal abt his regrets re his naivety + desire for glory back in his youth

hes always said that this was his greatest regret in life. but then he tells alex like he had another great regret in life- letting go of the love of his life

alex is surprised bc luna's never mentioned anyone special

“who is she?” 

“he” luna corrects “he was my best friend. we had something a relationship but it was short-lived bc I decided I wanted to join the military + attain glory. i thought thats what i wanted in life. turns out that stuff is meaningless w/o anyone to share it w. nor did I even achieve it. perhaps i did accomplish some things but now in my retirement I have no one by my side. i have found that life is meaningless without love and family.  

“i tried to find my friend to reconnect after all these years even as simply friends but he died in the war. alex, I see many similarities between us. don't make the same mistake that I did, alexander. glory + lasting legacy mean nothing if you're alone in the end

“if you make choices that are motivated by love and family you will be a lot happier”

alex takes his advice even though he kind of hates sort of giving up to his enemies

he decides to choose henry and his own happiness over politics bc in the end he's done a lot of good work and that much is enough

also his enemies probably would try to blackmail him throughout his career if he was doing something against their interests

so he + henry leave the capital and move uptown and the two of them have a quiet retirement + engage in philanthropy for the rest of their lives

separately they've amassed a decent amount of money - henry kept a portion of his inheritance despite being unofficially disowned and alex made a lot of money as a lawyer and then politician

as it turns out alex still has a tangential role in politics when some of his former allies go to him for advice

all in all, alex happy with his final decision to be with henry and step away from politics

the two of them live happy and full lives together

[kawaiijellymonster]

I’ll be honest, watching the bnha fandom interact has always been intersting to me because of the nature of the show and the moral questions it poses. But now I’m standing here like....wait...yall are pissed that a hero killed a villain? isn’t that like absolutely normal? Looking at what is going on, and hawks having killed twice in recent manga chapters and everyone being very upset about it (characters and fandom alike) I’m seeing that we let something happen to us either without realizing or without caring. 

First off this show poses a lot of moral and societal questions that inherently toss what we think of our own society and our own moral compases out of whack. But if we assume that we still abide by the “people who do dangerous things that have relative intent to hurt other people are bad and people who try to save and prevent injury and death are good” system that our current society has in place then we are able to create a relative distinction between hawks and the lov more specifically twice. 

Twice is a good man. This is a fact, sure he has his issues and he’s done bad things but he is inherently a good man who simply wanted a place to belong. However the fact that he is a good man and that we as a fandom like him for various reasons (relatability, deadpoolish ness, comedic relief, character depth, etc) it does not change the fact that he did bad things. He was involved in several incidents that left innocent lives lost (the kamino incident even if just for a moment), trauma (literally anything the league does). Being good or being likeable does not mean that he is exempt from any consequences that come with also doing bad and dangerous things.

Hawks is a hero. He may not think a lot like many other heroes but thats also because he is very different from other heroes, he was trained to be a hero from a very young age and thus his whole life has been about maximizing the joy of the people and keeping them safe, sometimes at the price of himself. Throughout the show and the manga he says “I wanna make this world one where heroes have time to kill.” All hawks really wants is for society to be stable, for villains not to have to exist. Hawks liked Twice, they were friends, he gave him an out because he really really didn’t want to, but twice gave him no other choice. Hawks killed twice for the greater good, to save as many people as possible. Because that is what heroes do. 

Several other villains have been injured or killed throughout the course of this series, Such as endeavor killing a bunch of nomu’s throughout the hero killer arc and the most recent evolved nomu. It has also been established that Nomu were at one point human and the talking nomu had concious thought. Yet nobody was mad when that happened. Nobody freaked out when the squad heavily injured the hero killer. Thats because the show didn’t humanize those villains. We care about twice because we got to know him, we got to relate to him and how he didn’t seem to feel like he belonged, we related to his finding a place to belong, and we live for found family tropes because for many of us thats all we really want. Hawks killing Twice hurt, it felt like our dreams of found family were pointless, that perhaps there really is no happy ending.

The thing that is so important to remember here is that Twice did bad things, we can love him and see why he did those things, understand what society did that made him feel like he had no other choice, but that does not change the fact that he did bad things. One show from last year brought the idea of “doing bad things for an understandable reason does not excuse that you have done bad things” to the spotlight. That show was demon slayer, every demon had a backstory a thing tragic thing that happened to them before they became demons, something that made them want to do the things they did as demons. But the characters while sympathetic with what had happened to the demons, did not let the fact that they had reasons cloud the fact that they had killed people. Thats what is important to remember here, we loved twice and we can appreciate the fact that we can connect to him and that the society is flawed that a character like him fell into villainy, but that does not change the fact that he was a villain and he did bad things that he doesn’t really regret. 

Therefore Hawks having killed him was not something that we should persecute him for, he was doing his job to make the society as safe as possible, to save as many people as he could regardless of if it hurt him personally do to so, he had no other choice but to kill Twice because as much as he was hawks’ friend and ours, He was also doing dangerous and bad things that could not be ignored. 

[elizabeatrice]

The Simp, The Himbo, and The Bone Man (Chapter 65)

Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga #1

Warning: !!!Manga spoilers up to chapter 65!!! Duh.

Note: I don’t speak Japanese, and I’m using Nikko Scanlations’ translation of chapter 65. Props to them for translating so fast! There’s one mangacap from chapter 60 by Caim, and one from chapter 64 by Ropes of Fate. Ya know what, props to all JSHK fantranslators. Love y’all!

I’m proud of the title. Heheh.

Ok so I read chapter 65 and then proceeded to get thrown on board SS Confusion.

Before we begin I gotta say I’m loving the faces we got in chapter 65. Thanks, sensei.

I wasn’t really surprised that we didn’t get to see hananene or akaoi this chapter. I mean, sensei just impaled my boy and last chapter was angst fest all around so naturally they’re gonna jump to comedy/something lighter in this one because … well, it’s JSHK.

Let’s get chronological.

The. Colored. Art. Is. So. Fricking. Gorgeous.

I love the whole thing with Kou worrying about his friends. Baby boy why you so wholesome can I hug him pLeAsE!

Yokoo and Satou are super cool as well! My baby Yokoo you outshine the morning sun, my son. It’s nice seeing more of them, caring about Kou no less. Gaaahhh the friendship fluff

Apparently this arc is going to delve into the whole ‘friends not telling each other things’. Exhibit A: Akane, Nene, and Aoi. Exhibit B: Satou and Yokoo and Kou.

Heck the tagline of this month’s colored art is ‘no one knows the real me’. Interesting development. I love me some friendship drama.

Yep. I’m loving where this chapter is going. Kou is feeling useless yet again. His brother is away who knows where, Akane is still lovesick insane, and Tsuchigomori won’t tell him the future. Not to mention that Hanako and Nene are missing. Kid’s literally on his own.

Until-

Ey yo Mitsuba how’re ya doin’? It’s very nice to see him caring about Kou, especially after what happened last arc.

And then the simp showed up. I love him.

(By the way isn’t his Raitejou still sealed? How is he conjuring those lightnings? Maybe he was just hitting that apparition with it?)

Finally! Kou meets his broadcasting club trio equivalent, and Natsuhiko meets his toilet trio equivalent. This is something I didn’t know I needed. Thank you sensei.

Now Natsuhiko’s definitely got something up his sleeve, from the way he seemed to prevent Mitsuba from telling Kou who he is (and most importantly, who he’s affiliated with).

Hm … Tsukasa wants No. 6, eh? Ohhh boy.

Mitsuba falling asleep right away lmaoooo. Look at these dumbasses.

And I can’t believe Kou fell for those ‘heroic stories’. Poor Hanako, his two best friends are (lovable) easily-tricked idiots hahaha. I mean, Kou is such a pure soul, bless him and his dog ears and tail. Thank you, sensei. You’ve fed us well.

Then … Bone Man. I actually call him Goat Man, but let’s just stick with Aoi’s lovely nickname (his name is Shinigami-san thoooo).

Interesting development. He be OP af man. The guy literally controls both life and death. Do NOT let that >60 year-old psycho child gets him.

I know it kinda seems like, oh, there’s the glaringly obvious answer to Nene’s lifespan problem. But as we know, there are prices to magic, and Bone Man doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to break the rules. I mean the dude wants to close off boundaries to keep the two shores completely separate, and is willing to sacrifice a girl to do it.

Yeeaaahhh … he’s a bit lawful evil imo, but we still don’t really know him yet, so. Eh.

Then Bone Man dropped this month’s bomb.

Did Nene, Akane, and Aoi just die? What freaking else can you call ‘body decaying, leaving the soul behind’ other than dying?

Not to mention not one (1) kannagi fell into the whole. TWO (2) kannagi fell into the whole, along with a dead boy and a soon-to-be-dead boy. Will that change the equation?

Speaking of dying, remember what Aoi said about No. 6? People who are about to die soon can hear No. 6′s flute? And Nene heard it?

Is this what ‘going to die in less than a year’ means for Nene? Thrown into a hole deep enough to the point of no return, a hole full of giant creepy bugs, her body decaying and leaving her soul behind, and thrown there by her own best friend no less?

This, this is wild.

But Hanako said in Misaki Stairs arc that nothing lives and nothing dies in the boundary. Is this an exception? Does the hole lead to a place outside the boundary? Is it a gate to the far shore (y’know, since there’s no returning from death unless No. 6 intervenes)?

And apparently Aoi falling there was ‘according to plan’? Hm … Aoi didn’t seem to know that the last time we saw her. She didn’t want Akane to drag her with him, remember? She could be lying, I guess. But Akane, Nene, and Hanako didn’t need to be sacrificed too. Maybe she was brainwashed not to care?

See, SS Confusion.

I know we all miss our monthly hananene, but be patient my friends! Sensei are working hard, and, well, this sort of thing comes with the whole monthly update format.

(Guys. Guys. Daydream arc is about 20 chapters long. Thats one year and eight months. It almost took two years to finish that arc. And seeing that this arc is a lot more plot driven than Daydream - which is more character driven imo - I’m kinda scared. Heh.)

Anyway! I enjoyed this chapter and all the dumbasseries featuring Natsuhiko, Kou, and Mitsuba. Really lifts the mood in this condition, ya know?

Feel free to discuss with me if you want to!

[mybeloved73]

My name is Chelsea and I’m a ITU Nurse.

I’m also a newly qualified nurse - I literally left Uni last year and began my job in the September.

My background - I didn’t always want to be a nurse. I wasn’t cut out for that sort of compassion or care. I dreamt of being a PT, an athlete, anything that was sports driven.

Until my boyfriend had a bike accident, that then left him in ITU. He later succumb to his injuries and passed away. The nurses looking after him, changed my life. Shining light kind of moment - I want to be just like them kind of thing.

Granted it took me 4 years to build up the courage, battling my PTSD, severe depression and anxiety to even apply to uni. But I did it - and Sept 2019 I got my Pin as a registered nurse.

Now, if you 1) think covid19 was made up, a conspiracy or the numbers have been made up as a scare tactic or 2) you actually believe wearing a face covering will cause ‘respiratory arrests’ ‘acidosis’ blah... stop reading. Because this isn’t for you. Or even 3) you have the view of ‘its their job’ - back away from your screen.

You’ve seen in the news about the public sector pay rise? That nurses aren’t included, nor the junior doctors, physio’s etc (I use etc as there are so many people being forgotten in all this and it is used lovingly and not to cause offence)? Honestly, Im so glad that others are being recognised for their input and help during this - the teachers who put in extra work for children of key workers, who sacrificed their home life to entertain little ones every day and try give them the education they need and deserve, to the police, military - anyone receiving this recognition. Honestly you deserve it. And the NHS will not shadow that or take it away from you.

We agree’d to a 3 year pay deal, that had the options of being reconsidered earlier than the final date if there was a change in circumstances. Covid19 should really be considered as a change in circumstances. I mean being told that you’re already ‘unskilled’ and watching people clap to STOP pay rises... was hard enough. But to have everyone else recognised for their vital contributions and lay something that was agreed in 2018 - is inexcusable.

You realise that most nurses didn’t get to see your claps on a Thursday? That’s handover time. And due to covid19 if their handover time was earlier - they were usually late because of how busy it was and still missed it.

I saw one. Because it so happened I had come off of nights the night prior.

So! My life during covid19 starts off with the busiest winter that my hospital has seen in ITU. We have 10 beds. We are funded for 7/8? We had to open an escalation centre that we stole from our day surgery unit to give us a further 3 beds.

Which in itself is hard - looking after seriously sick patients away from your actual designated and designed ward and without the continuous presence of doctors.

That wasn’t enough.

We had to then stole half of the recovery room, which usually houses patients post surgery whilst they wake up.

Going up to 16 patients. Remember - at this point. I’m THREE MONTHS qualified.

Learning is hard, steep, and in-depth. You’re suppose to be trained over the course of a year as a newly qualified, with study days and help from mentors etc. I couldn’t attend some of those days because we didn’t have the staff to look after the most patients our ITU had ever seen.

Now I know ITU is hard. I picked it.

I knew what it entailed, well partly.

I have to maintain my patients artificial airway. They either have a tube in their mouth or in their throat.

They’re then connected to a ventilator.

Every single setting on that machine, every button - changes something drastically.

From the fio2, PEEP, PS, PC, TV, MVE, PEAK, RR, PF ratio, ... one button, one alteration or mistake... literally can stop this person breathing. Cause respiratory distress, arrest.. trauma? anything.

Did you know I have to move that tube in their mouth every hour to stop pressure sores developing in their mouth? And I still have to brush their teeth and give oral care?

I have to suction down their throat and clear their lungs? Or suction their actual mouth for extra secretions?

And record all this data hourly.

To ensure that this patient is comfortable with this tube... I have to medicate this patient.

I have to keep them in an artificial coma.

Titrating the drugs to their optimum levels.

Some are measured mg/hr, mcg/hr, mcg/kg/min..

some have limits on maximum dose per hour you can use.

Some have really severe side effects.

Such as noradrenaline. Which can literally cause your fingers and toes to become necrotic.

I have to monitor someone’s glucose - whether you’re diabetic or not, and correct it if needed with insulin or dextrose.

I have to give diuretics but not allow your body to become too negative, I have to give fluid challenges to ensure you’re not vascular depleted.

I can help your kidneys with the use of a dialysis machine. Literally filter your blood of toxins your body can no longer remove without help of a machine. This requires constant blood tests to ensure that you aren’t collecting dangerous toxins or you need additional support from the machine.

I can use a machine to check your cardiac output and interpret it to make sure that you have enough fluid vs a drug that’ll help squeeze your heart instead.

I can read an ECG and tell if you need additional supplements such as potassium. Do further tests for magnesium, phosphates etc. And deliver those.

I can feed you through a tube down your nose, and ensure you absorb it. But it’s okay I can give you medication to also help that - these require me to do daily ECGs though, and interpret the data of your QTC to make sure it’s not affecting your heart.

Now. If that’s not enough. Covid happens.

Now remember our record was 16 patients?

Try doubling that.

We worked in our ITU,

Escalation centre

Recovery - we took the whole thing.

Next - we took over operating theatres.

3 patients in theatre 6

3 in 5

3 in 4

2 in 3

We stole theatre staff, recovery nurses, ODPS, ward nurses, retired nurses, health visitor nurses, anyone we could relocate to help us.

March - I’m 6 months qualified.

I’m now the most qualified ITU nurse in my theatre.

I have people who have never looked after a ventilated patients before asking me for help. Please don’t silence my alarm if you don’t know why it’s alarming. I know it’s loud and annoying but it’s telling me everything I need to know with enough time before I need to panic.

Now - covid patients weren’t just sick. Weren’t just needing help to breathe. These patients were all sorts of ‘new’. Nothing made sense!

These patients COULDNT be ventilated. We needed to paralyse them to literally be able to take over their breathing properly! No amount of sedation worked! Their lungs were fibrous and acting like elastic under tension.

Side note - if your patient wasn’t sedated enough compared to paralysis - they could be silently awake, but completely paralysed. Knowing everything happening to them. But unable to do anything - not even breathe. Every time you start rocuronium you need to remember that. If you’re withdrawing treatment - TURN THE ROC OFF FIRST. And wait before you do anything else.

Back to it. They were so unstable that you try roll them, which we usually do 4 hourly to prevent pressure sores - they desaturated to numbers so low that you would usually see some hypoxia brain injury after.

We couldn’t roll these patients without risking that. So you know what. You don’t roll.

So we couldn’t protect their skin integrity. You just watch them, and feel guilty.

Nursing school 101 - pressure sores are PREVENTABLE. Roll your patient. Skin care and hygiene is your best friend.

Now covid went against everything a nurse knows and holds dear.

Our ITU never had pressure sores. Until covid. Some had grade 4’s.

Maggot therapy.

Vacuum dressings.

These patients were also clotting, and sending off clots to their kidneys, liver, heart, brain. Covid made your blood super sticky!!!!

People were having strokes whilst being sedated, going from fit to multi organ failure in days. I’m trying to save these people, knowing they could possibly wake up with complete left side paralysis? Never talk again? Never be them again?

Now you know about these past medical histories etc?

You realise what that is?

that it could be Type 2 diabetes?

Hypertension?

That was it for some.

None of this thinking they were super sick, with lists longer than my arm, and that’s why they didn’t make it. No.

Literally things that happen with age. Poor diet? That 120/80 you’re happy you got - THATS PREHYPERTENSION.

I was probably hypertensive the entire time with anxiety.

Did you know We had to use the old anaesthetic ventilators. None of us had used those before. Those big bellows you see in films going up and down rhythmically. Those.

That was scary.

I’m use to a single touch screen button (hello modern technology) to deliver 100% o2 if my patient needs it. This has a switch to a bag, a button, dials to titrate o2 with normal air. And if I didn’t monitor the crystals in the bottom my patient would retain their own co2 and I wouldn’t know why.

New found love for anaesthetists and ODPS - these machines are NOT designed for prolonged use. But they helped us keep our patients alive. By literally guiding us and helping us look after the machines so we could do our job.

Now. All of this is made worse by PPE.

I’m hot.

It’s hot.

And intense and I’m working hard because tonight, I have 3 ventilated patients. By myself.

I have a gown on.

2 sets of gloves

An apron

An FFP3 mask

A hat

A visor

And no air con.

But I’ve got this. I can’t do my hourly checks because I am one person.

My super sick patients now have 2 hourly because it is physically impossible.

Where are the other staff?

Sick.

You’re watching these people struggle to breathe on machines and then being told your close friends at work, your mentors, your seniors are spiking temperatures. Some being admitted to hospital. Some not being able to come back to work for weeks.

Some ending up on your ventilators. It’s okay. I’ve got this.

I’m an ITU nurse right?

CPR wearing that get up. Is TOUGH. 27mins. I cried that day.

We lost 3 patients in 12 hours.

I held the hand of so many people as I turned off their ventilators because their families couldn’t be with them and no one should die alone. No one. I tried my best.. and then once my day had finished, I had to come home to my dad who is immunosuppressed. Who doesn’t understand boundaries. “Kevin stay in the other part of the house!”

*knocks on bedroom door with dinner*.

Proning. What an experience that is. And doing it Daily. The complications of that were scary before you even approach the patient.

So I’m going to flip my patient - who has a tube down their mouth to help breath, who is on medication for sedation, paralysis, to keep their blood pressure up.. from laying on their back - to laying on their front.

Seems easy?

Well it’s not. And requires like 8 people.

8 people.

We don’t have enough people as it is. So we now develop a proning team made up of everyone.

There are consultants, there are experts in their fields, there are physios and then I don’t know who else.

Honestly I couldn’t thank these people enough. More people would have died if we didn’t have a proning team. But now, people spent 23 hours laying on their front. Pressure sores on their faces. Potential of going blind? New complications of not being able to breathe we never expected.

We are finally back into one unit now. I’m still less than a year qualified. And I’m still running on adrenaline expecting this second wave. Those still reading, I know you’re thinking that she picked this job.

She knew what it meant.

And you’re right! Give me those complex drug calculations and ventilators. Oh and the scrubs!

But a pandemic? I didn’t pick that. The world didn’t pick that.

Honestly thank you, to the ward nurses - your lives got flipped upside down.

The physios who became best friends.

Consultants who literally got down and dirty with us.

To the domestics who cleaned furiously for us.

OT’s To literally orientate our patients when they’re waking up like 70 days later.

Every

Single

Person

Who

Helped.

Oh communication team made up of medical students, who updated the families because... I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave my patient. Not like this!

Matron who literally had to facilitate all this, with people who knew nothing about ITU. Being in ITU. Looking after ITU patients. Whilst her own ITU staff were sick, in hospital, or newly qualified, or working to the point they broke.

To the countless companies sending food, goodies, moral support !! Oh my god that was incredible to come to after not having a break for 6+ hours ... mmm... food!!

Did you know they’re offering support for the nurses to stop PTSD, or anxiety or just to help up digest what we saw? Psychological support for just doing your job?

But it’s okay.

We got a deal in 2018 for the pay.

We got clapped thursdays.

We all know that’s not enough, but we will still turn up for work.

We can’t leave our patients.

We can’t strike.

They’ll always mean more to us than pay. And the government knows that. Abuses that.

540 NHS staff lost their life doing ‘just their job’ - today the NHS staff walked through London protesting, to be heard. To be listened to. To be acknowledged. To be paid fair.

Sign the petition for us. Because we aren’t just here for covid. We’re here for life.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/316307

And just put your mask on - please - for that hour you go shopping.

I’ve been wearing mine since March 6th. 13+ hour days. Developed a nice grade one on my nose, my friends faces bleeding from using a rubber respirator....

And We’ll be like this for the foreseeable future.

Now that we have the stocks to do so anyways.

Oh and I’m pissed my graduation was cancelled! All that and I don’t get to wear the hat and gown. Bastard virus. (I understand there was more lost but humour me).

Signed, your registered ITU nurse. We will always continue to monitor.

[vancalox]

A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

[theinfiniterick]

Yea no. Fuck off.

There has been a LOT of justification posts for pedo/incest shipping in my feed lately and I finally have to say something. Please read to the end.

Firstly none of these elaborate posts that go to incredible lengths to justify pedophilic relationships in “shipping” form or story form or art form EVER seem to mention the damn law. It IS against the law in the United States to depict such relationships whether photographed OR drawn OR digitally manipulated.

Federal law defines child pornography as “any visual depiction, including any photograph, film, video, picture, or computer-generated image or picture … of sexually explicit conduct, where the production of such visual depiction involves the use of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct.”  

And yes, you CAN also be charged for WRITING fictional stories involving children in an explicit matter just as Frank Russel McCoy was charged in 2015 with Transportation of Obscene Matters in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 1462. He ran a website dedicated to fictional child sex stories that he himself apparently published.

https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca11/13-14350/13-14350-2015-03-12.html

Secondly, no one is talking about how downright selfish it is to post this kind of content on Tumblr and in public spaces.

All of these pro-shipping posts try to take a righteous stand by explaining how fiction is separate from reality and how it doesn’t hurt anyone. NEWS FLASH: YOU’RE POSTING IT ON A PUBLIC SITE WHERE PEOPLE *VERY* OFTEN SCROLL UPON IT BECAUSE TUMBLR’S ALGORITHMS PLACE IT IN OUR FEED THANKS TO THE FANDOM ASSOCIATIONS.

And look. When I was 13, best bet I had my own fantasies about older men. There were fictional movie characters I lusted over. There were fictional cartoon characters I lusted over. And I had written my first fanfic at the age of 13 within an anime universe where I made up a fictional pupil that fell in love with her alien martial arts teacher (a full grown man).

But I wrote it for -myself-. On pieces of folder paper. And I had never posted it online. And today I still wouldn’t publish it online in any fandom community I’m in because I understand how it hurts and triggers people and I have enough of a sense of personal responsibility that I’m not going to post it anywhere where someone could come across it and be triggered because I fucking CARE. (–Aside from the fact that now that I’ve far surpassed that age, I now think my own fanfic from back then is gross).

But -thats- the bottom line most of these posts seem to ignore: caring enough about the fucking rest of the world to keep that shit to yourself.

I’m not even going to argue the whole fiction versus reality standpoint. Go ahead and have at that one. Go ahead and keep ranting about how much a fictional ship isn’t real life pedophilia and it doesn’t make these authors bad people because they would never partake in real life.

What you’re NOT gonna do is try to argue how other people SHOULDN’T be hurt or offended by something that’s fictional. You don’t get to fucking determine what triggers someone, asshole. If it triggers them, it triggers them. And all these posts going around about “how not to be triggered by fiction” is honestly fucking sickening and shows a SELFISH disregard for anyone but yourself.

You’re literally out there saying “MY RIGHT TO SHIP IS MORE DAMN IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE’S FEELINGS OR TRIGGERS.”

Wow. What a stand up fucking person you are.

Ship it in your own head. Ship it in your private groups. Go make your Discords to share your content with each other. But don’t pretend for a fucking second that posting these contents on Tumblr (which is actually against their rules btw) isn’t hurting anyone. It DOES come up in feeds of anyone who follows the fandom. It DOES come up in reblogs of people that we chose to follow not knowing that person took part in that ship.

And since you have to write such elaborate posts defending your ship, that tells all of us that these ships DO get massive amounts of hate and triggers because they DO get massive exposure on this site, and you DO know about that. So there’s no damn two ways about it. You know good and well how many people it offends and triggers and yet you do it anyway. Because your right to post that fantasy is more important than anyone else’s feelings.

And here you are trying to argue that these ships don’t make you bad people... ^

No one can make you change that ship in your mind. No one can stop you from wanting to create arts and fictions of it. I’m not gonna argue with you about the separation of reality from fiction, but I will say that before you defend yourself for not being a bad person, take a good hard look:

You act as if you’re above the law.

You disregard tumblr’s own guidelines.

You don’t give a shit for how your content triggers others on a PUBLIC website and place your right to ship above everyone else’s mental well-being.

And by transitive morality, you’re actually *willingly* choosing to hurt others because you know it will and yet you do it anyway.

Transitive morality is a greater sense of good that the most selfless of people understand. An example you might be familiar with is when MCU Spider-Man tells Tony: “When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” Peter understands that when he can do something to prevent harm and he doesn’t, it’s pretty much like he caused the harm himself.

And yea, not everyone operates by such morality. A lot of people take disgustingly very little personal responsibility in the prevention of harm to others. But that’s why I’m pointing this out to you. So you can learn to be better than that.

You can continue on being selfish because your ship is more important than anyone’s triggers and keep justifying ways it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Or you can look at that list and realize: you know what… that is pretty shitty of me. Be a better fucking person and learn that while it might be harmless to have certain desires in your own head, while you might not be an actual pedophile, while you might not condone real rape and incest, placing your fantasies where you *know* people will be triggered still makes you a pretty damn shitty person.

[areminiscer]

This is long and has a trigger warning

This will seem all over the place because thats just how it’s come out-

I feel like this is fitting this year cause it’s been (nearly) 5 years. 5 years on the 14/11 ( 11/14 ). This day changed my life- so cliché.

Brief family history- my dad was a biochemist, my mum a nurse (and a few other jobs). Which seems to irrelevant now- they both worked there asses off. My dad is my favourite parent if you can have one, this is because me and my mum are stupidly similar so we’d bash heads a lot which would often leave me in tears and feeling really deflated. My brother has ADHD which is a pain because when he’s on a ‘war path’ it’s horrendous and why I can’t deal with shouting or sudden movements or anything being thrown in my directions (even tho im a great catch most the time)

So on this date 5 years ago my dad got told he had bile duct cancer. Which isn’t that common, however he wasn’t that worried cause it goes in stages and we thought it’d been caught early…. He was told he had stage 4 and had 6 months to live. i don’t remember much honestly but my main memory is being in the foetal position against the cold tiles in a boiling bath listening to ‘Somewhere in neverland’. My dad was put on chemo. So a ‘famous’ case of this cancer is the Guy who played Robbie rotten in lazy town who died after 2 years of fighting the cancer. My dad had always said that at my wedding he’d dye his beard purple, so because the reality of the cancer was he’d be dead by then he started colouring his beard – hes had blue, green, red, orange, purple, pink and turquoise.

So on the 9/11 (11/9) I had been at a gig, Mallory knox, blitz kids (still my faves) and the crooks. i don’t really remember much but I know that Mallory knox and blitz kids are two of my all time favourite bands due to the fact they ‘were there’ in some of my darkest moments.

~TRIGGER WARNING~ So this date also means its been 5 years of me self-harming and being very all over the place. I remember when my mum found out she didn’t even freak at me- she took me to the supermarket and brought me bandages and anti-septic and said I can’t stop you but I can at least prevent infection. She never once blew up in my face- except one time when it first happened and all I remember is I went to school crying. Anyway so 6 months later my dad gets told that the tumour is inactive.

Which is good but my self harm still is pretty bad due to going through a horrible time at school due to missing a lot because Family over Education – I have never once regretted this even if I’m ‘ 3 years’ behind my peers. I’m in a better place most the time ( don’t ever go off your meds for 3 months…) and have finally started planning my future- 15 year old me had planned to be dead by 20. During my exams my family and some friends went away but before that I had gone to a day festival with some friends and I’d become obsessed with a band called the color morale (who still to this day are amazing) and I’d been in a really bad place with fresh cuts. I was going to the color morale booth to buy a hoodie or something and the merch guy came over and it happened to be Garret Rapp the lead singer and he signed my notebook and gave me a hug, I remember calling my parents close to tears and them being really happy for me. I remember 2015 I got my exam results and I hadn’t done the best however I had done better than I’d expected- I got D’s in everything which is impressive considering I did no revision and my attendance was like 45%. I wasn’t told this till last year but my mum and dad were really worried they’d loose me due to how unhappy I was with everything.

Anyway flash forward to June/July 2016 guess what had come active again? You guessed it- back to chemo my dad goes. I don’t really remember this year at all. One thing I do remember is my dad became a ‘guinea pig’ for a new medical treatment called SIRT (I don’t know what it stands for). This is basically when they inject tiny radioactive beads into the location of the tumour and it’s meant to shrink it. Get me knowing fancy medical terminology.

All I remember is that he’d gotten the news after I’d had a great year and that I believed it was cause of that. I know that’s really shitty but I’m a firm believer in ‘ Everything happens for a reason’. It seems stupid but aye that’s what happened.

This whole thing triggered me to stop telling my parents I loved them until the beginning of this year.

More family history- My parents met in Zimbabwe. In 1990 I think? I’m not 100% sure on that.

2017- as a family we went to Zimbabwe with a charity where we built a school building, played football, swung sledge hammers and cuddled adorable babies. I think this is when it really hit me that when I feel at wrong bottom I let everything slip and just spiral out of control. But I was surrounded by people who had barely any money, hadn’t been paid in months, couldn’t afford basics, were sick and protecting their disabled children from men who’d take advantage of them. Yet they still laugh and sung with a massive smile while I was over here sat letting something bad ruin a month at a time. That autumn and winter I went on a massive spiral to the point my best friend and family weren’t sure I’d make it to 2018. Honestly Im not sure how I made it to 2018. My closest friend through out all of this and the girl who I can be 100% honest with- I remembered we’d been shopping or something and then we went and sat in McDonalds eating and we were chatting about mental health and all those fun things and I told her that I doubt I’d get married if my dad died.

2018 is a weird year cause while my dad’s cancer is still very much active (with secondaries which is shitty). I’ve found a love for life to an extent. While I can feel myself slipping a little I’m trying to keep going because I have so many plans. I turned 20 this year and while it’s not that exciting to most to think 5 years ago I was planning my suicide and wasn’t thinking about where I want to be in a years’ time but now I know where I want to be. In September I started my final year of College which seems amazing because of how far I’ve come looking back at the last 5 years and everything I’ve had thrown at me ( literally and figuratively). I also told my mum (while driving to see my grandparents) about my the fact that I wouldn’t get married if my died dad and I just couldn’t see anyone other than my dad with a purple beard walking me down the aisle. Im not one for traditional things- I hate turkey at Christmas for example- but my dad walking me down the aisle was always my dream and never changed. My mum told my grandparents and my grandad announced he’d walk me down the aisle.

It’s weird reading how far you have come in the last 5 years because you don’t really think about it but now seeing it in black and white im shocked.

[angeljonghyun]

So i guess here goes my longer ramble about my feelings and thoughts. No need to read it. Feel free to ignore it. The only way for me to feel relief is to post it online in some way and although i know tumblr is such a toxic site its the only space that feels right for it. its probably full of typos and doesnt make any sense, but hey who cares.

So yeah

Lately a lot of things happened, things which im thankful for and things that help me heal, but theyre not big of a help since my emotions are so strong. As some might know im currently in a clinic for relaxation 5 days a week from 10 am-2:30 pm and its pretty tough. Being around people again, experiencing painful moments during acupuncture (they find good spots that make me cry, not even really bc theyre hurting but they just make me feel all my inner pain all at once), feeling uncomfortable around certain people there and not loving all therapists bc theyre way too harsh with their words.

The past weeks have been intense and exhausting.. and since its all about relaxing i had much time to think. I had lots of time to think about jjong. Sadly it never felt like i have space, strength and time to heal properly.

I feel lots of pain,my heart feels so heavy, im bitter and im weak? Im forcing my emotions to stay calm, i hate crying in the clinic, i cant open up properly and just dont want to cry there all the time although i know i should but i just cant.

Jjong is on my mind 24/7 like literally 24/7 hes always there, always was and idk how much longer he will be but i want him to leave. My memories and the emptiness which i feel is too much, its draining me its hurting so freaking much that i cant even put it in words and the bad thing is that no one really understands.

People may know that im sad in a way but i dont think anyone understands my pain completely, obviously not, no one ever knows how one truly feels, but its a devastating feeling. Its a feeling that makes me feel quite lost and lonely, because the only person i always believed would understand my pain was him. He was my safe haven, he was the one who would be there and never judge and just understand.

Its a really sick part of my mind which has still control over this part of my emotions, i cant trust anyone, i always.. ALWAYS feel judged and i always feel like a burden and i never want to talk about my struggles because it only causes so much more chaos or eventually i never feel like the person tries and feel all lonely and unimportant again.

Jjong he was just there.. you know ?

Just his existence caused some kind of comfort for my soul, a place to rest and feel nothing but good things for a bit although even he was hurting me too, but i accepted it bc he was far away and it was ok. He was so far away always and that gave me the chance to create the 'perfect' comfort zone. I didnt know him, he was never here.. i will just pick out parts i need and use them to stay alive.

Its not something good, but i feel like everyone does this stuff with their bias. Some more than others. I did it too much and that shows how weak and hurt my soul is. Instead of working on my problems properly i just fled into the comfort of jjongs existence, one that was so very similar to my mothers, my mother who i have lost in november 2014. winter... buried in december. Winter. The season where I lost the most important person in my life not only once, but twice now.

Jjong was like a mother to me. I cant describe my feelings for him in another way. He protected me from so much evil within myself while i wanted to protect him too at all costs and it feels HORRIBLE to have failed yet another time. It hurts so fucking much that i lost him too. He who was the biggest reason for me not to kill myself after my mom died. He who was the reason why i started eating again after developing an eating disorder. He who caused so much good in my life. He who in some way managed to manipulate me in the best possible way.

In the end it was all me, i know that, but its still the bond i had to jjong. A sick and sad one and the worst part is that i felt ready to let go slowly at the end of last year. I started realizing that i coudlnt be thinking about him all the time anymore. I want to start going to school again after 4 years of nothing but therapy. I would HAVE to let go and create a more healthy relationship. I was so ready. And then he took his own life..

He stole the opportunity from me to change. He left me here. He left me and all my problems still attached to him behind. Hes not here anymore and although i never saw him or heard or felt him in real life it makes such a huge difference to me and at the same time it doesnt. That is one of the most confusing and depressing feelings ive ever felt.

I wanted to see him in 2018.. i had many chances to see him but never one to go with me. I finally had someone to go with... and now im here.. with that opportunity gone. My biggest wish my biggest dream, the ONE thing that kept me alive for so long. Gone... all ive ever wanted was to see him live. And now.. yeah.

Those are all selfish reasons. I know that. If you even read this then no its not all i feel, but of course my feelings towards him are most important to me, its the only feelings i can work on and the only ones i truly feel. My healthy grief is there too. A distanced version of what i personally feel and no other could. But thats not truly what this post is about. Please dont judge.

So now im here and i dont know what to do.

Death has been the worst and most intense trigger in my life forever. I started being so afraid of death as a child that i could not sleep anymore bc i thought i would die. It was a horrible time, therapy followed, fear left for a few years and came back as strong as ever. Its here too now. My fear. Another reason why i am alive now, yet its not strong enough to truly shut my self destructive thoughts up. Ive noticed that around the time of jjongs burial. I was ... so ready to leave. I still feel sympathy and empathy for myself there. Bc my pain is so big. Its truly so immense but no one truly knows or cares much. Maybe my therapist, but i doubt it.

Well im now always thinking about death and jjong being dead and ive said before that these thoughts are really killing me inside. Idk where he is, how he is, how he feels, does he feel? Whats up with him... what happens??? Its so scary. I find zero comfort in the thought of him resting bc where is he? Is he resting? Does he know? Where is the man i love so freaking much? Where is my mom? Is she with him? Are they lonely?

Ive always said

When its about death, i envy religious people. They have something to hold onto. I have nothing but the unknown in my head. Another one of my biggest fears and my loved ones are stuck in there. In the unknown. And im not there and i couldnt say goodbye to either of them.

Im so bitter i envy everyone whose bias is still there and im always thinking why him. Why HIM why another person of My life why someone i love so much why when i was feeling so much better thanks to him why did he have to suffer. Will i lose everyone?

Im afraid to sleep still bc im scared to wake up to news of another loved one gone. The fears and memories, theyre everywhere. I cant escape and i hate it and dont know how to process.

The most important form of jjong to me was and still is the fictional one, although jjong as a distant human being will always be more fictional to me than real. The fictional version which i have created for my own reasons, its still there just like always, its still cheering me up, its sweet its cute and lovely, but still hard to work with bc i always end up thinking about the real jjong.

Now after seeing the pictures of his grave i rather see that image than him as a person. I welcome that. Im glad i saw the pics bc its all more real to me now, im glad i saw the burial video.. although i never wanted it to be filmed or real in the first place. I dont think i would be still as sane as i am atm if i didn’t see this stuff.

I know that im doing quite good.. i should be proud of myself i guess.. but my pain is overshadowing everything else to the point where im completely at loss of every emotion just thinking about jjong not being here anymore.

Knowledge about his passing, own experiences and the whole process, everything. It haunts me.

Its quite a long way to go i think. I always felt so close to him, we were so similar and although he had many flaws i didnt quite like, especially as i was getting more healthy and he was still stuck, i still loved him so much and accepted that. He was getting so much better from and outside point of view and maybe that was the reason why he finally found strength to leave and its such a sad thing to think about, but i cant really change a thing anymore.

Sadly. Yeah ..

At the end of this i just want to say. Please just care, be there and if a depressed person in your life gets better please pay special attention bc it might be their chance to end it all. I dont want people to die bc of that dumb fucking illness anymore and i know its not possible to prevent it completely but well..

Im tired and theres still so much more to say for me but i cant say much more now. My head hurts and i need to get up and do something in order to forget about all of this for a while.

Please stay strong, please dont give up. I promise you one day it will get better, never fully ok, but better.

Im trying my best to find joy in jjong and shinee again, i doubt that i will, but im trying. I wont leave the fandom now, but im not the same anymore. Listening to shinees or jjongs music is impossible, watching videos too. If you feel the same its fine. Just do whats right for you. Im just here feeling happy for the others and hoping that theyre feeling better slooowly each day a little. Just like i hope it to be for everyone else.

If you came till here. Thanks for caring. Please take care of yourself, you are very loved. Life is hard, but not impossible.

Stay strong.

[doodledrawsthings]

Alrighty here’s the masterpost for Hell’s Studio, I guess

So what the heckity heck is this au about?:

This AU spawned from a joke I made with @arsonsara about bendy looking all weird in-game because joey sucks at 3D modeling.

Basically, Joey Drew got the idea in his head that he could potentially bring his original characters to life, and then goes to do that. However, it’s not all that easy, and he ends up bringing Bendy into the real world completely off model as this hulking mess of sentient ink vaguely in the shape of a demon. Obviously Bendy is very frustrated by this. But on top of being off model, he finds even more frustration in the fact that Joey wasted precious time trying to perform a demonic summoning ritual when he could’ve spent it making the actual goddamn cartoon. Seeing how impulsive and distracted the guy can often get, Bendy decides to appoint himself the new head animator and co-producer of the show if they want anything to get done. And it all kicks off from there.

So this AU doesn’t have a big overarching plot or anything, it’s mainly just episodic and things just happen. Think of it like The Office of Parks and Rec. Most of it is goofy comedic shenanigans, but i guess there is some drama-ish stuff in there from time to time, idk it’s a mess. It’s been built off of people sending me cool ideas on Tumbler Dot Com.

I don’t intend on making an organized timeline for things that happen throughout the au because literally anything can happen at almost any time and it’s constantly being added to, so I’m just gonna list a bunch of important points about the characters and how things work.

this is kinda just so y’all have just one big post to reference.

So here we go there’s a whole heckin’ lot:

Bendy was the first character to have been brought to life. Since it was Joey's first time summoning a demon, he did it wrong and messed up the model.

Bendy had to spend the first week or so as this tall, spooky, mass of ink trudging around the studio and yelling at people about animation.

Boris came in next, this time successfully and on model. Boris, the character, had already existed in the show even before HS Bendy was brought into the real world, so the two are already familiar with each other and personally know each other.

He works with the music department with Norman and the rest of the band and also script writing.

Then comes Alice, a much newer character, written into the show about a year after Bendy and Boris are brought to life, and is supposedly Bendy’s female counterpart in the show. Because she was put into the show after Bendy and Boris were summoned, the real-world versions of the boys never had a close relationship with her before she was brought into the real world, whereas she was close to a Bendy and a Boris that don't exist in the real world.

They decided after Alice that Joey should not summon any more characters into reality.

The toons retain their memories from the episodes they were previously in before being summoned, as if they were actual personal experiences. So when Alice comes in, Bendy and Boris don't really have that relationship with her that she may have had with the in-show versions of them. And Bendy and Boris know each other already because they were written as friends in the show, together. Even before both were brought to life.

Alice and Bendy don't get along at all at first but gradually become good friends as the years go by.

Bendy in earlier years often got jealous when something threatened to take his spotlight. 

Alice works closely in the music department, writing music with Sammy and directing voice stuff and working with Susie and the other actors.

Bendy is pretty strict when it comes to the art direction of the show, but he knows his workers’ limits. If he knows they REALLY aren't capable of doing something he won't make them do it, but otherwise he’ll try to push them to do the best they possibly can,no exceptions. He just wants things to look good.

Bendy, despite maintaining a sense of professionalism as an animation director, is still a mischievous prankster when off the clock. He won't deliberately do anything to halt progress, but people still should watch their backs.

Bendy LOVES picking on Sammy because his reactions are always the best. Sammy resents this.

The toons are made of ink, water and acetone hurts them but it won't kill them. I guess it sorta makes them lose form.

Holy objects are the opposite of good for these three.

Joey, in this au, is a pretty hardworking guy and a lot of people respect him for his accomplishments. However, he is incredibly impulsive and often inconsiderate of the consequences of his impulsive actions and often gets dristracted by other things halfway into a project, so he needs someone to keep him in check. He always means well but he doesn't really have a filter for the things he says or does, and often puts himself at risk of being punched by Sammy for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Joey is not super devoted to demon worship or rituals. it's kinda more like a side hobby. He did it cuz he realized he could use that kinda magic to do a thing he wanted to do, so went ahead and did it.

Sammy, despite also having a passion for what he's good at, is exact opposite of Joey: Pessimistic and constantly acting like he hates his job. He does what he does REALLY well, and people respect him for that. But most think he's a kind of jerk,so they leave him alone. He’s good acquaintences with Susie, Alice, and Henry though.

The top three people who piss Sammy off: Joey, Bendy, Wally Franks.

Henry's kind of the voice-of-reason. Very easy going and usually able to keep calm in ridiculous situations and is also good at following directions when given. Y’know that one post about being 85% of Joey’s impulse control.

Colored ink apparently gets the toons drunk. They act differently depending on color.

The toons drink regular ink like humans drink water

Joey has absolutely no interest in raising a family, he's already got one at the studio. He’s metaphorically married to his work.

Despite the crazy shit Joey does, he still means well and is usually one to try to make up for his mistakes. If only he just prevented them from happening in the first place.

Sammy, at some point, kicks the ink machine and becomes an ink-creature for a while. I kind of consider @nollplus’s fic to be AU canon, but honestly anyone can play around with any of these ideas as much as they want to.

I don't know who of the original crew passes away first, but I know for sure that Joey goes last.

Joey teaches bendy how to play piano as a way to relieve stress, it's kind of a thing they do together.

Henry is very close with bendy, and is often one of the people the toon goes to when he needs someone who will listen to his rants and frustrations without complaining about it.

Henry and Bendy often go out together on breaks to draw or walk around the town. It’s their thing.

Boris has the kind of face that is really hard to say no to. Whether he realizes this or not is questionable.

While Boris tends to be more on the naive side, he’s not ignorant. He knows when things are bad, and sometimes knows how to read a room better than Joey can, honestly. He just thinks that having a positive attitude will spread to other people.

@Ka-star’s fic about bendy getting chased into a church by a dog is AU canon and for the longest time it made him kinda scared of leaving the studio. But he’d never admit that.

Alice is very careful when she leaves the studio and is much more sneaky about it. She loves being outside the studio. It gets a bit too stuffy in there for her.

Same goes for Boris, he doesnt have a particular place he likes to go he just likes to run around outside and get out pent-up energy.

The toons get redesigns every now and then, some more permanent than others. Bendy was the first subject of that.

Sammy's office (and much of the rest of the music department) is right by the ink pipes, which often tend to burst and leak. This poor man is in a perpetual state of frustration.

The studio in this au actually becomes very successful over the years (in more of a Disney-ish fashion rather than Fleischer studios)

The toons are kept secret from the rest of society, when they go out into public, they go wearing cheesy disguises.

Bendy is not one to be very open about his emotions. He doesn't like being seen or treated like a kid, either. When he's upset, he often tries to hide it as best he can, which is kind of hard when you visually reveal how upset you are by involuntarily melting whenever you're stressed.

Since people in the studio have known them for so long, the toons are a regular and normal sight in the workers there. So when they get new members who are absolutely blown away by how toons exist in the real world it can be a bit jarring because sometimes even they are forget how unique their situation is.

The ink machine is kind of equivalent to a glorified coffee machine for the toons. It still serves importance though, as being a quick way to heal them if they get hurt.

They very much enjoy video games as they’d probably be around long enough to see technology develop from the 1920′s to what it is today and idk but thats kinda cool.

The toons can shapeshift to an extent, doing it for too long makes them REEEALLY tired. They usually use this ability to become other characters when kids are given tours of the studio. (Or to play pranks. Bendy specifically.)

Wally never really gets outta there, the studio’s become a sort of hectic second home to most of the workers.

Joey gave bendy that sweater after impulsively taking up knitting as a hobby, just because. Bendy wears it as PJ’s.

As much of a stick in the mud as Sammy is, he refuses to be a jerk to kids. Same with Bendy, though the latter is better with kids than the former.

While Joey was out doing his thing, bringing the toons to life, everyone unanimously decided Henry should be in charge when Joey’s off distracted by something else. He was stressed out for the longest time while Joey was working on that project of his. Everyone was. Thanks Joey.

Toon logic applies to the toons in some of the weirdest ways, and has a 50/50 chance of being convenient or inconvenient.

“Thanks, Joey” has become a sort of inside joke throughout the studio.

The summoning ritual is kind of anticlimactic. When done right, it’s kinda like POOF there’s a cartoon here, now. Yay. For the toons themselves, it’s an incredibly weird feeling. One moment they’re in whatever world they came from and now they’re here for some reason.

They do a Haunted House every Halloween that is basically just the canon game, but as a spooky haunted house.

Bendy sleeps in a drawer in his office.

Muppet Bendy. Just. Muppet Bendy. Whether it’s Spud’s idea whre bendy just straight up becomes a puppet at some point for some reason or if it’s just a puppet that bendy happens to have, it’s there. 

Thaaaaat’s all I can think of right now. There is so much stuff that goes on this au and so much still being added to it that it's hard to keep track of it so i’ll probably be constantly adding to this post.

But uh these are most of the ones that stick out to me more.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

If you don't agree, don't go

You can go to the state website and petition the state remove statues and do a shit ton of other things

I have said I don't agree with the removal of statues

One for the unknown true history

Secondly it's extremely dangerous

Statues are not designed to be removed, they're very heavy and made to withstand natural disasters and more.

People get wild and it's usually a lot of chaos and rarely fully organized

People use trucks to wreck into statues to destabilize them or to wrap the chains around to pull them down

The statues themselves become projectiles which csn then harm, maim, destroy and kill others.

A statue falling down will break, sending pieces of it flying and into the bodies of bystanders.

The guy with the skateboard in the video was attacking the guy with the gun to stop him from shooting and of course he was shot.

A better method would been asking him to remove the weapon and place it in his car. That was not shown on the video.

That doesnt mean that he deserved to be shot.

Guns have no place at places like these. In what brain frequency do you use that you would consider carrying a live fire arm to a rally by hand?

I see his outfit wasn't prepped for wearing a belt and so on but he could wore a shoulder harness to keep it holster

I also saw he had a small snub nose spinner barrel which to load takes a significant amount of time as opposed to inserting a magazine clip for s gun such as a glock or other type.

I prefer people have a loaded clip seperate from their gun if they will carry because it's safer for everyone and does require thinking twice,before shooting.

It literally takes seconds. Civilians are not trained to recognize life and death situations.

I'm,not saying that those that are trained know how to handle,but I'm saying it's,safer for,everyone to think twice before shooting

If it is a serious situation requiring shooting it does allow,that valuable time to set your eyes on the suspect while loading, most successful gun handlers can load while not looking.so to load while eyeing and locating target should allow calmness to overcome and allow a better shot

If i was a gun toter i would prefer to have my gun with me, of course. But brain use is important.

Obviously I'm not going to have it out.

Unless I'm going to use it.

If I have it, I wouldn't have it where it would be easily taken. Like just in my hand or on my back in a harness. I would have it protected so that I would have it available so that I could use it to protect me

So this guy should had been, disarmed as it would easily been able to since he was just holding it like a moron.

I'm not going to judge the individual actions.

Obviously this situation did not go well.

And obviously some things could gone different

Had Mr Skate board tried to disarm him before he moved, hit him in the gun to get it -- he could have shot someone in the crowd.

What he did was cause the moron with the gun to flee.

Did he know if he had a big van with a bazooka? No. Not if he wasn't CIA or a civilian paying close attention to intuition. But he did So he did go and attack him again.

Unfortunately then the moron decided to discharge his weapon 4 times. It is said.

And the person protecting the crowd with his green skateboard was shot.

There was a small crowd and luckily it was a round barrel which does only hold about 5 shots.

Thus making it a safer type of weapon as opposed to a clip which holds 8 or more.

The smaller crowd was in,extreme danger but the small crowd vs the large crowd is the #1 is the small crowd was following or was aware that he had a gun.

The larger crowd looking at the statue and their,friends and etc were not aware of the danger.

It doesn't mean the smaller group deserved to be shot -- it means they were aware so they were in active flight or fight.

So they were in their choice mode and in their civil liberties mode using their anger or fear wisely as possible.

So to engage the moron while he was in active flight or fight was fine but again at that situation, verbal discussion could have been used to prevent the shooting.

Like I said I'm not going to judge. He could been shot direct in the gut and killed instantly or the guy may been going to get larger automatic weapons with more ammunition.

And I am informed he was actually going to get more ammunition and weapons

I still feel that a de-escalation process could have been used to protect the Mr Skateboard.

At the same time no one else was harmed but him and the situation was resolved safely in all other ways.

So I can't judge as hindsight is 2020 and I was not there and obviously from what I was told a mass shooting was prevented

I don't like,heroes being shot at and being shot.

Because I can see an alternative doesn't mean that his actions,were any less Good.

I only look for an alternative because he, as the Hero was shot.

However it was very controlled and only he was shot.

Thus psychologically, Mr Skateboard had distracted the moron from his,task at,mass shooting enough to stop,him from doing so.

He blew,through almost,all,his rounds and,he knew,he would,need,his last round, or two in order to protect himself

Thus,he could,not shoot randomly into,the crowd

Then apparently he was held under citizens arrest until the cops came. Which could had caused another victim but it was successful. From news reports lacking information of another victim

So overall it was successful.

As I said I prefer my people not be shot. But they do wear bullet proof materials which is why they are fully covered head to toe just like Mr Skateboard was.

If he was carrying an automatic weapon with more ammunition then protocol is different than what did occur.

But a 5 to 6 bullet gun and with his clothing it could be seen what more he was likely holding... Its more important to instigate flight mode as opposed to killing instantly in the crowd of people.

Same with knives and so on

Removal is primary. Thus it cuts down on visibility and the PTSD and other sickness the crowd can suddenly be subdued to.

Most people whom want to mass shoot need secrecy. They need to not be identified and seen. So we identify and we notify they're seen. Hopefully flight occurs and not shooting.

So this was perfect as that is What occurred.

Mr Skateboard was the primary y'all saw.

But there were at least 10 more swarming to stand between the shooter and the crowd so they could be shot and not random people in the crowd. Those were unseen Heroes.

Not to only stand there and be shot But to disarm and deesclatate to protect everyone else.

My people are not actually taught to speak to destabilize or deesclatate. They have their research. They knew who he was and what was in his cargo van. They knew he must be removed from the streets.

To verbiage with him would to "befriend" him and not usually cause enough for arrest. It would be considered FBI work and not CIA work.

What i would said was "you need to put your gun in your pocket. People will kill you for having it out. There's a guy right over there on the other side in a pink shirt ready to kill anyone that looks like you. Hurry put it away"

Then i would killed him myself when he went back to his cargo van, where there was no to few witnesses. I probably would made up the color but i know at least 4 people would been staring at us hard so when he looked up he would been immediately intimidated. And the more he looked for the pink shirt that didn't exist the more hate he would see being stared back at him and he would stay less time.

And so thats why we don't teach or promote verbalige. It involves the heart. It means putting down a guard to where your own heart is exposed and you must in that moment truly care about that person.

Sure acting is applicable. But over time acting warps the mind and i dont want anyone to get mentally warped by my jobs. Action needs to be done and that action is disturbing enough, its the most mentally disturbing even for the most hardened minds.

So adding in words to twist shit. It isn't worth it to me.

But in this particular case i can see where word games would worked.

Now. The point in this case where it's different so its good... That our man was shot... Although not good.

Its public. The man was arrested. He happened to have previously ran for counsel for the state. He was a political candidate.

This is the year of the big Votes! (Rockthevote.org - register. Voting is this November!)

And so now everyone can see how critical their votes are this November.

Had we done it the way i know would prevented my working Hero to be injured -- no one would known. It would never been in the news. It would been a total secret CIA mission i may have off handed mentioned later one time to answer why he was missing. Because last time,he was seen was here with a cargo van full of weapons including a bazooka and.... You fill in the rest. Yeah.

So for political reasons and the election coming and intuitive and Great Tree advice it's very critical that it did occur this way -- for the public.

So what happened is that our Heroes leveled up. It was not that small Group of people in New Mexico it protected. But potieniently the whole entire world. All of our Heroes, Not just Mr Skateboard. By default he gets extra love and attention. And hey he deserves it. He fell and was shot. I know he's bruised and hurt. So he deserves that extra love and praise and all. But no one deserves any less. They all deserve all we got.

So it's very important to remember that bad people will volunteer or try to be in the government and do extra jobs in order to filter in their evil deeds.

People could say that i do it. And that is fine to see the process that looks like it. Because i do plan to insert what i want into the world. I do, 100%

And if you think paradise at an affordable price for all is evil then so be it.

So once again i thank my team and wish them all healthy well and safe. And extra healings to Mr Skateboard.

Now as far as my group being at a place I don't agree with the events taking place.

It doesn't matter. There are people just there whom are curious. And innocent.

They need protecting.

My people research areas people will be and they go where people will be.

People with people. That's all.

I hope you understand that.

My people will protect the idiot pulling the chain to destroy the statue from a random person as well as a mom and her children just experiencing history in,the making.

My people will not protect the idiot from himself nor the cops. If the,statue falls and he gets hurt and if no one else helps -- they must wait to allow others to assist, If no one else will then my team can render first aid if it is absolutely necessary unless it's time of death then they may go first to accelerate that.

But if it's a truly innocent idiot then they will help the person and tend the wounds until medic arrives.

If the cops intervene and want to arrest the idiot my people will stand back. Otherwise if it were me, they would intervene.

Like if I went and just got tired of watching them struggle and went over and said this is how you do it -- which my team also will do if the statue is in the progress and there is partial success and there's a danger, they may take over to help the statue falling with less damage and much safer for people around.

But an organiser that is doing it with ignorant destruction is not protected.

The organiser attracts all kinds of people. Innocent. People watching history. And evil..

So my good go to protect all. From mass casualties.

Then as each individual evil is extracted from the mass crowd they treat them as they individually deserve.

The group is protected as though they're all angels. As demons show themselves or people point them out then they're looked into the eyes and their karma is given.

That is their job.

So as I said it's difficult enough

To add engagement and to use the heart as opposed to physical force then can damage my CIA members.

They are CIA. CIA Is action orientated

FBI is verbal, talk.

Police are both as well as military

They investigate then act.

CIA gets the investigation research and has it from all sources in the entire world then act based on that research.

So the CIA is elite and different than any other organizations in the world.

FBI takes years. CIA takes 2 months at most to verify and then acts.

With the new SMS they can react with seconds.

They are exclusive.

And I appreciate them with my entire heart and I designed their jobs just like above, word for word.

So if you hate what they do then you hate a lot of me and you hate the world and you hate what,they are forced to do because the world has become so dangerous

I will protect them with my life. Because it is my life experiences and my love that determines how they act. What they do.

So I understand. I understand conflicting emotions

But what they do will not change.

[teoriasemserie-blog]

OPERATION MIXTAPE

The music in  ouat and in the SQ’s eps. The music actually entered the plot significantly in season 5, when Emma was in darkness. The darkness represents the closed mind, which refuses to accept its feelings and fight for what it wants, as a result the mind begins to get sick with the person, and we can say that about Emma, ​​she has totally lost herself, and seems really sick, even after supposedly leaving the darkness, because her mind goes in darkness, she continues to refuse to admit what she feels. The song appeared in The Price, in the Camelot dance, with the song "Only you", while Emma and Regina dance with their respective partners, the music plays and Regina looks at Emma exactly at the moment that says "Only You." For a person out of the darkness she needs love, a kiss of love, we saw Emma come out of the darkness through the pain, which means that she did not really come out of the darkness, she goes in the dark, and she needs love to leave , in this ep they show us that the song will help Emma to heal, and she will come through Regina. Facts that support this:

- The lyrics of Only You talk about it "all I needed was the love you gave me, all I needed for another day";

- "At the end of the ep The Price, the darkness speaks to Emma about what has always prevented the Dark Ones, and darkness places Regina as the magic capable of undoing the deeds of them, we have seen light magic does not overcome the Dark Ones, there is only one magic capable of this, the magic of true love;

- Regina was paralleled to Bella, she is the light of Emma, she is the love that Emma refuses to accept;

- All SQ eps since season 5 finale have song names;

- Henry created an operation to prevent the magic from separating his mothers and put the name of Operation Mixtape, which has to do with a collection of songs;

List of songs:

- Only you - ep 5x22

- Jessie's girl - ep 5x23

- I'll be your mirror - ep 6x8

- Colors - ep 6x8

- In my dreams - ep 6x8

- I wish you were here - 6x10

- Some day my prince will come - 6x10

- Tougher than the rest - 6x11

- Mother’s little helper

- The Song in your heart

Emma is being cured by the love of Regina and Henry and music, so let's talk about what music means to the mind, and how music can help in healing. "When you dream of a song but can not remember the lyrics it is a sign that you have the chance to find happiness in your hands. This, however, will depend solely on you and your dedication to happiness. Fight against everything that goes against your success, but without going over anyone. Allow yourself to live happiness without guilt. "

"When you dream that you are singing a song, this indicates that you will soon feel very happy to the point of expressing this happiness so that everyone knows and can feel this moment with you. When you sing, you waste happiness without fear, so the dream is also a way of saying that you should be happy without fear."

"The dreams in which you see yourself listening to music are a sign that you will experience many relaxed and adventure-filled moments. Get ready to live a fun you've never seen before, coupled with unique experiences. Enjoy the opportunities that life will give you to live happiness, joy and relaxation, and do not be afraid to take a chance. "

Dreams are made up of symbols and are the language of the unconscious. They communicate to the dreamer everything that is necessary to seek the balance of the psyche as a whole, so the symbols speak as much about questions of the conscience as of the unconscious, that is, of the psychic totality. For this reason, exploring symbols is an essential part of understanding a dream.

WHAT DOES MUSIC SYMBOLIZE?

Music, although it is a mathematical construction, with bars, arrangements and rhythm, evoke the most diverse emotions and are capable of changing the mood of the listener, whether for better or for worse. Such a trait would not be different in a dream.

The kind of music one hears in a dream is fundamental to understanding what the unconscious is exposing to consciousness. A quiet, unsung melody is certainly a rather different symbol of heavy metal with a guttural vocal as well as the feelings each one evokes.

POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS

The type of music evidenced in the dream is crucial information when it is the most prominent aspect in the dream scenario as well as the context in which it arises. To make this assessment, it is important to look at the presence or absence of a letter and what it says.

The fast or slow rhythm may indicate the dreamer's own psychic or emotional rhythm. There is no rule, since the feelings evoked are absolutely personal and variable from person to person, but we can make some more general and uncompromising considerations.

Heavy metal can evoke anger, aggression, an active and charged discharge of energy. They can also be melodic and deep. Classical music may evoke greater mental organization, nostalgia, and joy. They can also be chaotic and dissonant.

Sung songs need to have their lyrics analyzed. Romantic letters, sensual letters, letters of protest, religious, disappointed, cheerful, childish ... Each of them should be contextualized in the experience of the dreamer.

Step one: reflect on the context of the dream.

What music does the dream present? Is it known or unknown? What emotions does it evoke? In what context does it appear? Is it information that stands out in the dream or is it just a backdrop to more important events? Is it information that stands out in the dream or is it just a backdrop to more important events?

Step two: reflect on what the unconscious may be signaling

What pace is setting your emotional life? What kind of melody do you emanate from yourself?

So we have eps in which Emma and Regina try to save each other and their son, eps with romantic songs, and songs that talk about jealousy and the possibility of love, what could that mean? Emma and Regina are in love, and this is the path they refuse to take, out of fear and other issues. So we have the curative element, in these eps Emma seems better, more like her, seems more alive, because Regina is helping her to heal.

Music therapy is the proof that sound is intimately connected to emotional states, since music evokes memories, experiences and experiences of the most diverse.

Often tired of current medical treatments, where it is often felt as a mere number on long waiting lists, which comes out, in most cases, with a prescription for these or other pills that cure only the symptoms of a deeper evil , man now turns his gaze back and seeks those therapies of the past, where man was fully man, where his illnesses were considered to have a malfunction of something within the body as a whole (which today we call it the holistic view of man). From this point of view, it is understood that often a disease, before manifesting itself physically, is formed in the invisible planes, to then descend into the material world and become, as an inflammation of the liver, a heart attack or stomach ulcer. This is where the so-called Alternative Medicines have their great field of work and where music therapy in particular also finds its special application, because it works with elements that Orthodox Medicine is often unaware of.

The whole Universe, to the Hindus, is based on sounds, and if we contemplate the world around us, we can perceive that everything corresponds to resonances, to certain wavelengths. Thus, too, the cells of the organism are sensitive to certain wavelengths, and therefore to certain sounds. Therefore, it is understood that, for example, ancient Chinese medicine would have a whole system of correspondences between musical scale notes and organs. The secret of healing was to maintain the balance between the two complementary forces of nature, the "Yin" and "Yang," and in the case of illness, to re-establish the loss of vital energy.

Healing, according to the Chinese mentality, consists mainly in eliminating the obstacles that impede the flow of energy, in re-establishing the balance of man. This can only be achieved through an integral formation of man that allows to achieve a balance between the Yin and Yang and an unimpeded flow of the energy that is in the human being. When this is actually achieved, there will be no such problems of physical and psychic infirmities, and man will be able to establish that inner harmony which enables him to express his true Self.

It's Regina who helps Emma to come back to herself, to be true, Emma's super power only works fully with her, we saw Regina being the one who put the piece of the mirror in the place in the world of mirrors, and we saw how much Regina has helped , worried and tried to save Emma. And they look exactly like yin and yang in all their narrative dynamics, and in the desire ep, "I wish you were here," they hold hands, and form the symbol yin and yang literally, showing that they are beginning to find balance.

ONLY YOU

Okay, I do love this ep, its all about how Emma and Regina can’t be together because they need protect Henry. The magic whats tearing they apart are religious and conservative thoughts, thats why we have a crystal what cames from a God. If they assume what they feel they are going to have to expose Henry to this, and to the judgment of the others, Regina was losing control of her feelings, which in fact are their feelings, the end of this ep that is double is in The untold story, which takes us to Regina taking away Evil, what different than everyone thinks is not the bad part of her, but the feelings that neither Emma nor Regina want to face, this thing with true love having to be reciprocal makes sense in the feelings to be of both. Later in the ep Stranger Case, we see that what the serum takes from people are the feelings they do not want to face, romantic feelings, Rumpel wanted to take away the feelings he had for Bella, but he saw that taking away the feelings did not solve anything because the only way to get rid of feelings is to die. And you know what Evil did when she was free? She spent half a season trying to expose Hook, even alerted Henry that Hook had the scissors and would to use it against Emma, Hook is the dark thing in Emma’s mind, what she holds for dont give in what she really wants. There is no way to be clearer than that. 

I’LL BE YOUR MIRROR

In addition to showing how Emma and Regina are literally the yin and yang of the narrative, because the mirror reflects its opposite, shows the battle of the mind, between what it wants and the balance. What the mind wants is beyond family, is to have a relationship too, Emma wants to have this relationship with Regina, in this ep Henry represents the mind having to decide, between his mothers, or the life of the Dragon, which represents the balance. Sometimes we want something so much, but it's not the time, and force it will make us lose our reason and the good things. In the end Henry tries to keep both balance and relationship, so Emma and Regina come back, but we see Hook threaten Evil, showing that Emma will still keep her feelings contained. She needs wait and put her son first. 

I WISH YOU WERE HERE

This is one of the best eps that ouat did in seasons. And it is very clear about the feelings of Regina and Emma. Regina is the person Emma wants to be there, is the person Emma wants to be in a relationship, and so she is the Emma’s prince, ​​who comes to awaken her mind, and make her come back to herself. At wishland, Emma was a poor version of herself, childish, submissive, who still needs the help of her parents for everything, even as an adult. She makes a wish in a parallel with Emma's first wish in Season 1 which is the gear that moves everything in the plot at the beginning, it's Emma's desire that brings Henry to her, and she wished she was not alone anymore, she wanted a family. And now we see the second part of that desire, it's not just Henry that she wants as a family, that includes Regina as well. And Regina wants to be with her too, so there are two wishes in that ep, which shows that their feelings are reciprocal.

THE SONG IN YOUR HEART

The song in your heart is a biblical reference, about God acting in the life of the person, about living fully and happily, but many people mistaken about what God wants for their lives, the Catholic religion is super conservative, and believes that man has to stay with the woman, and there is no love beyond that, besides believing that the woman should be submissive to the man. 

This ep shows exactly that Emma is stuck in these conventions, and she is not happy but she is trying to do what she was taught to be right. We see the song "Love doesn’t stand a chance," and its sing for Evil what is Emma's ID, her wishes, and her desires are not happy, its being forced to say what it does not want, and sing, and acting like it does not want to, that's the real situation of Emma, while the Charmings, who represent Emma's Superego, are trying to contain their desires, making it acts as they wish. The magic that reaches everyone and makes them sing comes from Blue, who is a nun, and represents the religious inflections.

Now Emma will take a break, but the music keep coming. We have Roni’s name what means song of joy, what is a biblical thing too, this means that Regina is the real song in Emma’s heart, and also Emma looks to think Reginas a gif of god to her. We have more songs, and I can bet, Emma will be back soon, and get what she really wants.

List of the new songs or things linked to music:

- Greenbacks;

- A pirate’s life;

- Wake up call;

- Pretty in blue(whats about a man who loves someone whos dead, a sleeping beauty whats pretty in blue);

- Lucy (what is a reference to Lucy from Beatles, and the song is a reference to Alice through the looking glass);

And, thats all. 

Links: 

http://www.nova-acropole.org.br/…/a-musica-e-seu-poder-cura…

http://www.personare.com.br/o-que-significa-sonhar-com-musi…

https://www.meusonhar.com.br/sonhar-com-musica/

[actmale]

So I really need to get this off my chest. I learned about Griffin and the McElroys from a side sort of view (from a distance) just hearing about their good content. I didn’t really get into anything that actually involved their personalities (because amiibo corner is just a shitpost) until I learned about Cool Games Inc. which was suggested to me on youtube and I watched tons of bits and pieces and fell in love with both Griffin and N!ck.

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and so has my wife; we enjoy them on our long drives but it wasn’t until recently that we had any podcast we could listen to together. I decided to give Cool Games Inc. a go since I knew I liked the highlights so the whole thing couldn’t be bad. My wife and I both listened to it and loved it and joked and talked about it. It was something we could share between the two.

The night after talking about it with some friends and joking, the big N!ck “fiasco” happened. I was at work and I saw something my friend posted and looked into it and found out about the whole thing. I felt super upset to my stomach. My job is a lot of driving so I get a lot of time to listen to things, so music and podcasts have become a very important part of my life. Listening to so much music, however has given me a lot of sensory sensitivity problems, though, and this was a day I could definetly not listen to music.

I was upset for a lot of reasons. I was upset because I needed to listen to talking because of my sensory problems, but I couldn’t listen to CGI. I was also upset because in all honesty N!ck was becoming my favorite. But, also I was upset because I felt let down by him; there is so much I expected. I wanted to view all his content as though none of this had ever happened, but it had, and I could never have that be undone. It reminded me a lot of how badly I coped with the death of Satoru Iwata except this was a social death of a person, caused by their own actions.

I’m shitty and was raised as a male, so my entire life I have done problematic shit, and honestly I still do. I’ve been trying to undo it since I gained self awareness to how society acts, but I won’t lie and say that I’m cured; I’m still pretty shitty. This is most noticeable by my reaction to seeing evidence of N!ck’s actions. My first reaction was just “phew it’s not as bad as everyone made it sound, it’s just cringy flirting”. I felt this way because people I know and including me are capable and likely to flirt in such a manner. It was shitty and wrong.

So I put myself through the motions. People continued to point out hos behavior with the evidence and call it harrasment, so I asked myself. “Do I even know what ‘harrasment’ means?” and in all honesty I fucking don’t. I thought about it a lot, how all this was unsolicited and I thought about how my male friends still flirt. I sat there and thought about how they could also be harrasing women and I felt gross. My friends are harrasing women, likely, and that’s fucked up. I figured I was just too distant from the word and biased to judge and decided that even though I, as a person that was raised male, didn’t understand what harrasment was and how N!ck acted was harrasment I wouldn’t let that stop me from thinking what N!ck did was wrong.

I still had some negative feelings over N!ck’s content. I was looking forward to seeing it all, especially Car Boys and now I couldn’t or could I? I didn’t know. Just like I didn’t know what was considered harrasment, I didn’t know if it was okay to see his content. It left me messed up, because I love him and his content, but I had to not like him. Even after seeing posts that it was okay to watch and like his content, I couldn’t put myself to do it. N!ck’s content is so personality based, it’s as much him as it is whatever he is playing/doing. There is no way to fall in love with his content without falling in love with him. And, though, I couldn’t prevent the affection I already had towards him, I could prevent any more affection.

I kept up to date, every day multiple times checking over and over the tags for n!ck and polygon hoping for some consensus but also with great worry. With nothing said on the subject I was always worried If wake up one morning to the news that something terrible happened to him as if checking the tags more often would prevent something like that. I told my wife my worries and I aired my grievences to her, told her about my problems and my maleraised way of thinking and how shitty all this is. I felt shittiest however because I often wished this had not happened or that this had happened later, and thats probably the shittiest scenario. If all this had not come out or had happened later that would have been more time that the truth would not have been known, and more victims to what N!ck was doing. I felt shittiest for making this about myself and not the people that this is about.

I’ve been making do lately by listening to The Adventure Zone, partly at a friends request and partly from actively building a campaign for D&D. Today there was finally an update and N!ck has been let go and he made an apology. I read it, and let out a sigh. His apology was good in my eyes, he showed self awareness and he showed signs of atleast wanting to change. He was being let go and he is willing to change and I feel those two things are the best scenarios.

I have since looked at the reactions to what he has said and a lot of people are still angry at him and even more people are not accepting his apology. When I think about it, it really is an apology to the public and not to the victims. I guess this is just a thing that male shitty culture has numbed me to, bad apologies. So again, I have decided to not let my reaction and opinions take over me. Despite me thinking his apology is good I will side with people who understand better than I. He is not redeemed and his damage not undone. Just because I can’t see his flaws doesn’t mean I won’t treat him like he doesn’t have any. I will attempt to see hin flawed like other people do, even if I don’t fully understand it myself because that will help me understand and remove things from my personality that male culture has numbed me to.

I do rest easier however. I do feel comfortable seeing his content again, maybe because I hope he does eventually become less shitty as no one would hope he remains the same. I am still hoping with the coming time that he apologize better and do something more proactively good. I can’t say I don’t love the idea of N!ck but I will do my best not to like him. I am sorry that in this entire proccess I thought mostly of myself and held and still do hold bad views, but a public figure loved by many was treated justly when doing something wrong. I’ve never been more proud of justive being done properly, and victims being believed and treated well even by people close to N!ck. I hope this becomes a great “un-numbing” to shitty parts of male culture, so people like me won’t have to side with the oppressor or relate to them.

I still apologize to the victims for maki g any of this about me. I apologize for continuing to hold bad views and continuing to not understand the terminology and what’s going on. I’ve never been good with words and their understanding and using them well but that does not undo the problem. Being raised male and numbed to toxic behaviour does not make it okay and, though trying to help it, I will be the first to say I am not there yet and will never be. I will continue to better my views and try to understand. If literally anyone bothered to read all this, that knows me or doesnt, in the fandom or not, understanding or not, please tell me how you feel about this situation. It is hard for me to comprehend and put into words but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be put into them. And if there is anything you can say to help me better my thought process a future me and the people I am around will be forever grateful.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 8]

And here we are at the end. I hope you’ve all been enjoying the ride, because it’s about to get a whole lot weirder in this, the final chapter.

Warnings this time around: a whole lot of drug use, some underage drinking, DUI but it’s okay because Tiaa is a vampire, bestiality, and an attempted sexual assault. Also did I mention drug use? There’s a lot of drug use.

Recap: Tiaa met a panda bear named Snoofles on her way to school (please don’t think too hard about this) and learned that she can now talk to animals, among other abilities. Thanks to a vague new ability of hers, she accidentally made her mean classmate Lauren get struck by lightning while they were in a verbal spat. Edward finally decided to leave Bella for Tiaa and the two celebrated by having sex in the middle of the school. Bella walked in on them and got upset.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley. sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me byut she is on vacaton this wk and next so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!

Did she refuse to beta your fic after you stole her poster of Gerard Way?

Chapter 8 - the Kidnap

I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it but I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more. 

Tiaa doesn’t care how beautiful she is, but she had to start the sentence off by reminding us all how beautiful she is. And that she looks awesome. And her hair is exotic.

Whatever that means.

Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad. 

Wait, are you mad Edward is attempting to prevent Bella from committing suicide?

how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more? 

That doesn’t mean he’s fine with letting her make attempts on her own life, Tiaa.

I was pissed! and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe. 

I love this goddamn sentence.

So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties and i smoked some drugs and started to weep. 

To be fair, this is a really solid stoner-goth aesthetic she has going.

…wait, hold up, leather panties? 

Leather panties?

dave came in and made a big smiley face.

He’s in a really good mood for someone whose brother was murdered hours ago.

"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)

Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll buy that Dave visually mistook a spliff for chapstick… but can he not smell that she’s smoking weed?

"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.

Love how Tiaa is suicidal but still needs to make sure we know how pretty she is at all times. Reminds me of the bit in “My Immortal” where Enoby was flirting while sobbing.

"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot, and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff. 

Well, replace “homework” with “getting raped by the relative of a caregiver, turning into a vampire, and accidentally seriously injuring a classmate” and Dave’s on the money.

he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.

Do I really need to tell this girl to stop humanizing her rapist? She killed him in self-defense! It was one hundred percent justified! C’mon, Tiaa, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Also, nobody cares about Lauren.

"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)

Well, yeah, that is weird, but I don’t get the woe-is-me attitude about it. Telekinesis is a really cool ability. Also, turns out Dave is literally so dumb that you can be an obvious nonhuman smoking weed in bed while screaming about wanting to die and he’ll take you for an ordinary teenage girl holding a tube of chapstick.

"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin) 

…so did the ashtray miss?

"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before! 

I can’t help but feel that the amount Dave and Marie compliment Tiaa on her looks borders on inappropriate, considering she is sixteen and they are her foster parents. 

and i think your boobs hav grown!" 

Case in point.

"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.

I guess it’s a good thing she’s a vampire, then, since I’m pretty sure vampires can’t get back problems.

Wait. Can vampires get high? Does being high feel different if you’re a vampire?

Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.

That Dave!

I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs) and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks. 

Listen, I don’t know Washington State, but in my neck of the woods small towns don’t have goth nightclubs. 

I love that she specified the pills were drugs, in case we thought they were sugar pills or something. 

bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL! 

If there is a goth nightclub in your small town, I guarantee you everyone has heard of it.

i met snoofles on the way and he came with me. 

You’re taking the panda out clubbing?

we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music. 

…I’m starting to get very confused about Snoofles. My initial impression was that he’s a regular panda bear, but Tiaa is able to communicate with him because she’s a vampire and can talk to all animals now. But I don’t think ordinary pandas go to clubs, get drinks, and dance to heavy metal music.

Although I’ve never met one, so I could be wrong.

ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda, but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.

I adore the similes in this fic. No idea what Tiaa is on but I definitely know what the author means by feeling like there’s snow everywhere in your head.

"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry. 

So… not like straw, then.

he was tall. 

Yeah, you mentioned.

he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)

No, it’s good, I dig it. Simple goth on top, bling on the bottom, may or may not be wearing pants? It’s a look.

"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?

"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.

"what is wrong Jasper?" i said

"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!" 

Of course he’s gay. Look at his outfit! Look at those shoes! I can’t even see him for real and my gaydar is going wild.

"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said. 

"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.

Good on Tiaa for being an ally. I love how Jasper reacts as though he’s never considered the possibility that his gayness might be alright. He’s a vampire too and has been alive for well over a century, so that’s a lot of internalized homophobia… but he’s also been around to witness the entire modern LGBT rights movement, so you’d think he might have gotten the “it’s okay to be gay” message before.

"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back. 

If you just got a bad feeling about what might happen next, trust your fucking instincts.

he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.

I really wanna know what they’ve been taking, because even though Tiaa isn’t human I feel like anyone who can get high should have to worry about drug interactions. Weed and alcohol is fine, but aside from that I have no idea what the hell Tiaa is on except that she described it as “pills” and a lot of drugs that come in pill form do not play nice with alcohol. She probably isn’t going to fry her liver or anything like that given that she’s essentially undead, but I doubt she’s immune to having a bad trip.

we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car. 

A note: At this point in the story I quite literally had to stop the MST for a bit so I could pour myself a very stiff drink. 

The panda has a car. The panda is having a threesome with a vampire and a human in the back of his car while another vampire drives it. This is treated as normal because the panda and his two human(oid) sexual partners happen to all be gay.

Like, I’d normally feel pretty weird about the “promiscuous gay” stereotype being invoked, but I’m way too busy feeling weird that the author thinks it’s normal for gay guys to want to screw a panda because the panda happens to be gay too. Also, keep in mind Snoofles can only talk to Tiaa — the dudes he’s having sex with can’t understand him. I’m gonna say a panda who behaves like a human and owns a car is probably capable of consenting, but I still feel mighty weird about the idea that two dudes who perceive Snoofles as an ordinary, non-talking panda would want to have a threesome with him.

I guess the promiscuity aspect isn’t even bad considering how Tiaa and Edward have been acting with each other throughout the fic. The bestiality, though, I have trouble overlooking.

(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)

Sure, but do you even know how to drive? In most states, it’s not legal to get a learner’s permit until you’re Tiaa’s age, so we’re not talking “experienced driver with superhuman reflexes,” we’re talking “superhuman reflexes, but on somebody who quite possibly has never sat in the driver’s seat of a car before.”

but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out. there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness. 

But was his black hair like the black feathers of a black raven in the black darkness? I just want to be clear on the color.

he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!) but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up! 

Oh, of course, her samurai sword. Yep. Been with her the whole time.

Jasper Snoofles and Vince were too busy doing gay sex on each other to notice, i cud hear them grunting and humping and having orgasms on each other - it was so cute but now was SO not the time! 

She’s being attacked by a group of ten or more people, who have overpowered her, restrained her, and blindfolded her, in the middle of the road. Three people (well, a person, a vampire, and a panda) are present and they don’t notice this happening at all.

Like… I know they’re all intoxicated and, uh, otherwise occupied at the moment, but did they not at least pause to notice Tiaa slamming on the brakes to avoid colliding with a stranger in the road?

The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.

when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me. i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.

Tiaa has superhuman strength and reflexes. She has telekinetic abilities. She can affect objects and people by touching them. 

Yet she can’t get out of being chained to a chair?

I call BS.

"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.

She sounds like Wheatley from “ITS MY LIFE!” now.

"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!

Jacob’s a big dude who can turn into a wolf, but he’s also about fifteen and just learning about the whole werewolf thing, so I doubt he’d be “king” of anything. Also Tiaa could take him easy.

"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.

I don’t know why she reacted so negatively to Jacob’s response. There is a longstanding vampire/werewolf feud in the Twilight universe, but Tiaa is very newly turned and shouldn’t know about any of that yet. Learning your kidnapper is a werewolf sucks, but if you’re already a vampire you’ve got an edge too.

"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.

"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!" he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like. 

So… not like rain, then.

"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD! 

I’ve got to change this blog’s name right away. I don’t know what I was thinking naming it “The Half-World” when I could have named it “The Half-Bread.”

Also, hold up — what did Tiaa do to Bella? Is this just about “stealing” Edward? Jacob and Edward aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, and if Bella’s single Jacob has a chance with her, so if anything I think he owes Tiaa a thank-you.

YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!" 

Well, this really does speak for itself.

This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down. 

Sounds like my second-grade teacher. She was the daughter of a well-known Republican senator and she had to resign after she tied a kid to a chair with a jump rope. True story.

But something he said had caugt my attention .

Good job on the punctuation.

"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.

What do you think he meant, genius?

"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER! SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!" 

I guess this does explain Tiaa’s extra powers, but, I have to say, I don’t think Jacob gets to criticize anyone else for being freaky when he can turn into a wolf.

Of corse! It all made sense now! 

It didn’t all make sense. There’s still an interspecies gay threesome that needs explaining.

I was so shocked I fainted,

and also got my periods and commas mixed up,

When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED! He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.

Honest to god I love these similes. 

he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me! 

I think I have an idea, actually.

but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!

IT WAS EWDARD!

Here to save the day! And to end the fic, because this is it for “Forbiden Fruit”: BeckyMac666 left us all on a cliffhanger, so we’ll never know what happens.

I do genuinely love this fanfic. I love how it’s written, I love the similes, I love the purple prose and the melodramatic tone, and I love my girl Tiaa. It’s a truly fantastic badfic, and I’m happy I got to introduce others to it, too.