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On some real shit tho

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I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

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starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

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I was born without a penis hole and ive never cummed

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Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

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Gemma Scout, on the phone with her bank: Yes I’m just trying to reopen my account. ‘Marked as deceased’ yes I know, but I’m not dead. Yes I know my husband sent you my death certificate. My death was faked in a really elaborate scheme so—no, not by me. Look just turn on CNN. I’m all over the news. It’ll—'can I come in with my husband?' No, I can’t. He’s dead now. Well maybe not dead. But he’s probably never coming back alive. They can’t get his innie in the elevator. Yes they tried that. But he sticks his arms and legs out real wide like a cat so they can’t get him in the elevator.”

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me: hey man welcome in what can i get you

guy who jerks himself blind every night to the characters from a flossing based gacha game where all the girls are bits of food stuck in the teeth of the demiurge and you can like feed the demiurge different meals to change the pool of waifus you’re pulling from and their names are all like “stringy chicken” and “wet cheese crumb” and shit: just a black coffee please

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lumon's department sizes are so funny. "how many people do we need to refine some super important data?" uhhhh four i guess. at most. "what about the company marching band?" fuck ur so right. we need a company marching band with like fifty people. this is of prime importance to the lumon mission.

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Grandma coming in clutch for this fic 💪🏻💪🏻🌸🌸🌸🌸

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grandpa pussy attack

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It's never too late to start crossdressing

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