#like literally as soon as the play is over and neil heads for his dad's car--i start crying and i can't stop

[hood-ex]

The desire to have a No Capes AU where the Titans crew go to a boarding school and sneak out at night to read poetry in a cave...

[technetiumai]

Discography Tag

Rules: pick an artist or a band and share your favorite song from each of their albums, then tag some mutuals!

Okay, @onepintobean you asked for it!

YES, I AM DOING RUSH. Obviously. 

me, whenever I’m about to do something like this that’s music related: Rush isn’t even my favorite anymore! It’s just the discography I’m most familiar with!

me, after doing something like this and listening to a bunch of Rush as a result: God, I love Rush so much. They’re the best. Unparalleled in all of history. A+ 👏

Rush (1974): Finding My Way. This one was hard, but only because I don’t like any of the songs much. I mean, no Neil? Come on!

Fly By Night (1975): Beneath, Between, Behind. Also hard, also because I’m not crazy about any of it. They had just hired Neil and just realized he’d be more willing to write lyrics than they were, and they just hadn’t found themselves yet. 

Caress of Steel (1975): The Fountain of Lamneth. NOW they’re finding themselves! I love this song so much.

2112 (1976): 2112. Classic. I talk about it a little more when I talk about  Vapor Trails.

A Farewell to Kings (1977): Cygnus X-1, Book I. I actually always forget which song the Cygnus X-1s are until I start listening to them, especially the first one. But as soon as I start playing them I’m like---Hell yeah.

Hemispheres (1978): Cygnus X-1, Book II---Hell yeah.

Permanent Waves (1980): Natural Science. I think it’s sort of interesting how their more conceptual songs (the extra long ones with several movements etc.) become VERY MUCH not the standard ‘70s prog rock concept song/album like as soon as they crossed into the ‘80s. This song is over 9 minutes long, but it’s nothing like the long ones which pervade the previous albums and tended to tell a literal story which is also a metaphor or exploration of something else (more like operas), whereas this is more of a journey through ideas and feelings (more like a traditional rock song)(although still overtly a metaphor). This is one of my favorite Rush songs, and, when pressed, usually the one I’ll say IS my favorite, though my favorite often changes, and is often whichever one I’m listening to at the moment.

Moving Pictures (1981): Vitals Signs. I’ve just always really loved this song. It’s essentially about change being basically the only thing that life CAN do, to stop changing is to stop living, which seems like one of those things where I’m usually like… well duh, but for some reason it’s very meaningful for me in this song. “A tired mind becomes a shapeshifter” has been one of those lyrics that has really stuck in my head since the very first time I heard it, although I’ve never been entirely sure why. 

Signals (1982): The Weapon. I think maybe Neil Peart is just especially good at saying pretty obvious things in a way that really resonates with me.

Grace Under Pressure (1984): Distant Early Warning. When I’m singing songs to my kids I’m like, “can I sing this one?” and they’re like, “it’s not sad, is it?” and I say “it’s about the potential of nuclear war between the US and Russia, from the perspective of someone in Canada, which is right between the two countries…” and they say “okay, that’s fine.” And I’m like… who am I raising?

Power Windows (1985): Grand Designs. Good shit. “Against the run of the mill, static as it seems, we break the surface tension with our wild, kinetic dreams.” 

Hold Your Fire (1987): Prime Mover. This album is the first one since Caress of Steel with songs that I actively do not like. I do love this song though.

Presto (1989): Chain Lightning. Okay, sometimes I say this is my favorite Rush song. 

Roll the Bones (1991): Bravado. This was pretty hard for me. This album came out the same year I was born, and Roll the Bones was a CD I remember seeing around the house for my entire childhood, and it was the extent of my Rush exposure up until my dad made his torrented Rush road trip mix CD that sent me down the Rush rabbit hole from which I never escaped. So, anyway, even the songs that I’m like… I don’t know if this song is good… I’m still like, it’s my jam, though! I can only speak to it as a person thoroughly brainwashed to love the album, but the whole thing is thoroughly listenable to me.

Counterparts (1993): Leave That Thing Alone. Oddly enough, this album is like the anti-Roll the Bones for me, even though it directly follows it. It was the last of the Rush studio albums I bought (besides the ones that hadn’t come out yet), and I just didn’t really like it. I think there’s a level of cringe/’that didn’t age… great’-ness (and not the nerdy type of cringe, because, arguably there’s a decent amount of cringe in all of Rush), that starts to show up in Hold Your Fire and goes through to Test for Echo, but it really peaks for me in this one. Not that it aged badly, it just is different enough to how we think about things now that it’s kinda like… eh. And I’m 100% talking about the lyrics, I actually really like most of the music (though it sounds... weirdly mixed? to me? or something?). Leave That Thing Alone is the instrumental song on the album and it FUCKING SLAPS! (Counterparts is, btw, often a fan favorite, but Rush fans are often white, cis-het, gen-x men, so…)

Test for Echo (1996): Limbo. Also an instrumental track, although this album is infinitely more listenable to me than Counterparts is. The cringe is all goofier, which I think helps.

Vapor Trails (2002): Secret Touch. This was the most recent album that had come out when I was 13 and discovering Rush, and it’s usually the album that I’ll say is my favorite, when pressed. This one was by far the hardest to choose a favorite from. I changed it several times. My dad’s mixed tape of mostly ‘80s/’90s Rush was what piqued my interest, but when I followed up listening to the first song on 2112 (2112, which is over 20 min long, btw) with listening to One Little Victory from Vapor Trails (even just the first like… three seconds of the song), I was absolutely hooked! I bought 2112 and Vapor Trails because they were the only Rush albums at Best Buy that weren’t compilations, and---boy! Am I glad that was the case! This crazy, weird, almost orchestral, but only three people playing, amazing, ‘70s sci-fi journey that was 2112, then this intense drum solo and heavy rock song, which both sounded so different from each other, but even more different from everything my dad had played of Rush, which would have been created between those two albums. I was absolutely obsessed.

Snakes & Arrows (2007): Hope. This one’s one of the three instrumental songs (which are all amazing), but this time not because I don’t like the lyrics of the rest of the album, just because it’s great. It’s actually just Alex playing the guitar, which is very strange for them, but it’s beautiful. Snake’s and Arrows was my first real ‘A band I love and have made a part of my identity is coming out with a new album!’ experience, and it was so much fun. I had two teachers at the time, who were also fans, to bond over it with, and my dad was also super psyched. Rush was the first concert I ever went to (R40 in 2004), and I went to two more on the Snakes and Arrows tour, and two more on the tour after that (Time Machine, 2010-2011). Besides that I’ve only ever been to one Panic! At the Disco concert for my sister’s Birthday (2008?), which was really more like just a really bad party… like all of the worst parts of a school dance and a house party (it was at a weirdly small “ballroom”), and the band wasn’t even playing well---it sucked. and a U2 concert (2018). That concert was actually so good, though. People can say whatever they want about U2, but that was a fucking amazing show. (10/10, would recommend, would go again at any and all opportunities.) (But there will never be another Rush OR U2 concert with all of the members there again, because ALL OF MY DRUMMERS ARE BREAKING!) (Larry’s not dead, he just has drummer related health issues.) (I was all alone contracting in Maine when Neil Peart died. Like, I didn’t have anyone I knew to talk to in person about anything, let alone this thing that was very sad for me, but was a relatively niche interest.)

Clockwork Angels (2012) BU2B. The music started slipping for me a tiny bit with Snakes and Arrows, or maybe… the music and vocals together? I think mostly the music… But it’s even more extreme in this album. I think it’s just like A LOT for me. And I’m a Rush fan, so… The book that was written based on this story was fun, and I respect what they were trying to do with the album, but I almost never just go and listen to this album or any of the songs. Except sometimes BU2B, I actually do think that’s a pretty good song---I think the name just bothers me.

I have no idea who would bother to read all that, but it was fun to do! I made a playlist of these songs, and a playlist of my least favorite song from each album, and it was really interesting. 

My cat died yesterday morning, and I had to just keep going; I had to go to work, do all the normal stuff, but I was really sad. She’s been around for way more of my life than not, especially the parts of my life I can remember, and she lived twice as long as her breed’s expectancy. Which is a cold comfort, considering how much more of me she carried with her because of all that extra time. She was there when I started high school, there for every break up I’ve ever had, my parents divorce, that time my husband and I lived in a three bedroom house with nine other people, a couple other cats, and a dog. When I joined the Navy, when my kids were born... And she was so very her up to the very end.

Anyway, this was a welcome distraction as I kept trying not to openly weep (and give myself a migraine) (which I did) all night at work. 

I haven’t actually checked Tumblr, so I don’t know who else has done this:

@raenestee @cutestkilla @captain-aralias @ivelovedhimthroughworse @fatalfangirl 

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 5

Kids

Read on ao3

-

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. She’s going to Morocco.”

There was something in Steve’s throat, making his voice waver and sound reverent at the same time. 

“She’s going to Morocco.” Billy pressed his hand down Steve’s back, dragging his fingertips along his skin, surprisingly smooth and soft. 

Steve had his head on Billy’s chest, their bodies stuck together uncomfortably with sweat, but neither of them could be assed to move. 

They were wrapping up their little movie night, Almost Famous playing to a close on Steve’s laptop, perched on the kitchenette counter, just where they could see it from the bed. 

“Okay, that was really good.”

“I fucking told you. My mom showed me that movie when I was, like, eight. Shit changed me fundamentally.”

Steve shifted his leg a little bit but stayed silent. Billy could feel his muscles tensing uncomfortably.

“What?”

“What what?”

“I can tell you’re tense.”

“I just,” Steve sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention your mom before.”

“Yeah. Don’t really like talking ‘bout her.”

“Did she, you know ?”

Yeah. Billy did know. 

“Nah, she didn’t die. She left. Not long after that movie night.”

Steve’s head popped up from where it was rested on Billy, giving him those big fuckin’ eyes looking sappy and sad as all hell. 

“I’m sorry.”

Billy didn’t know what to say to that. 

He doesn’t tell people about his mom. About her lovely life that she’s built without him in it. 

It breaks his heart just to think about. 

“She’s got kids now. A husband.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m just. Sorry.”

“I don’t know what I want to hear. But yeah. T’sucks.”

“You wanna know something that makes me sad? So we’re even?”

Billy huffed a laugh through his nose, bringing his hand up to tuck some of Steve’s messy hair behind his ear.

“Only if you wanna tell me.”

“Remember how I said I was supposedta get my high school diploma soon? Well, by soon I mean, like, maybe within the next few years.” Steve wasn’t meeting Billy’s eyes, and he put his head back down on his solid chest, his shoulders tensing up around his ears. “I never went to school. Not even when I was little. I’ve had the same tutor on the road since I was a kid, and he’s good. Tries his best. I just. I’m- not good . I’m not smart. You need to pass this test to get your high school GED if you’ve taken an ‘ alternative route ’. Like I have. But I can’t take it until I know the shit that’s on it, and my tutor, Scott, he’s too nice. Says I’m okay. That I’m on track. But I saw the program he teaches from. Says it’s for ninth and tenth graders. I’m nearly nineteen, and I’m in fucking ninth grade .”

Oh fuck. 

Oh fuck . 

Billy’s 98.6% sure Steve is fighting back serious tears right now. 

It was crushing Billy’s soul and making him feel like he was gonna join right on in.

But for how much Billy is a goddamn little crybaby, he sure is useless when other people start crying.

“It’s, Steve- that’s not your fault. You’ve literally never gone to school. Plus, like, I’m sure you don’t do your tutoring like I did school. Five days a week for like seven hours since I was five or something. You’ve been. Busy. You travel around and do all these amazing things, and, and, you're not dumb. Your parents just chose to not put you in school and then got mad when that didn’t work out as planned. It’s got nothin’ to do with your brain.”

This is gonna sound shitty. 

And Billy really doesn’t mean it like that. 

It’s just, well. Billy didn’t realize Steve was so. Fucked up. 

Traumatized. Might be a less harsh word for it. 

Billy just never woulda thought, when he first watched Steve ride like a fucking expert, or when he first noticed him strutting around the grounds of the rodeo, that there was actually something really sad behind that denim and flannel. 

It made something in Billy’s gut twist and turn. 

Because he’s the exact same way. 

Because underneath the layer of carefully maintained hot muscle-head douchebag jock, there’s a really sensitive boy who was abandoned by his mother and gets regular hits from his father. 

He can’t really decide if being able to see through Steve is a good thing or a bad thing, though. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like a fucking baby over it. I never really talk about it, so I guess the bad shit just kinda all decided to explode out all over you.”

“Nah, Pretty Boy. S’okay. I’m used to bad shit.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“I meant it more in a bummer way, I guess.”

“I am sorry about your mom. It seems like you really loved her.”

Little bastard had brought it back around to Billy’s shitty baggage now. 

The gorgeous little dickhead.

“I do.”

And that’s probably the worst thing about it. 

All these years of feeling abandoned and forgotten. Of trying to make himself hate her, he still loves her so much. 

He is her. 

So much of himself modelled around the aspects of her he found most beautiful. 

The things, try as he might, he can’t help but love.

Billy felt Steve take a large deep breath on top of him. 

“Do you, like, talk to her much?”

“Nah. Should be getting a FaceBook message for my birthday next week. And then nothing ‘til Christmas. That’s how it goes with her.” She was literally the only reason Billy still kept his FaceBook account around. 

Mostly because when he was feeling sorry for himself he’d go over to her profile and peruse the album labelled “Family ❤️” until he felt worse. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizin’. Not your fault she couldn’t handle it all.”

“Was she really young, or something?”

“Yeah. It was a case of too young and her own shitty father giving her enough issues to make her wanna marry the first asshole that told her she was pretty.” He’s never said all of this out loud. 

But he couldn’t. Stop. Talking. 

“Then when he turned out to be a bigger dick than she imagined, she split. Basically fell off the Earth for a few years. Served my dad divorce papers out of the blue one day. Now, she’s got a family that doesn’t suck, and barely spares any thought for the kid she left down south. Not that I blame her.”

He does, and he doesn’t. 

It’s an odd situation. 

He blames Neil for everything, when he’s thinking clearly. 

He pushed his mother away with the same violence, the same painful rage he shows Billy. 

But he also blames her. 

She could’ve taken him before she scrammed. Could’ve fought for custody over him while she and his father met for Skype calls with their lawyers to settle the divorce.

Their split was easy, because she didn’t want anything. 

Not their house, not their belongings.

Not their son. 

“Wow. I thought my family was fucked up. Not to be rude, or anything.” Steve flushed, but he had the ghost of a smirk on his face.

“Every family is fucked up. Just in different ways.” 

“I guess you’re right. I should probably get my head outta my ass and quit bein’ so selfish, then.”

Billy smiled fondly at Steve.

“You’re not selfish. Just don’t got a lot of outlets, I assume.”

Steve nodded, and Billy understood. 

He doesn’t either. 

The only person he even considers close enough to vent to, is Max. And even then, he doesn’t tell her all of it. Not nearly any of it. 

She knows he’s gay only because she knows Neil’s a fucking homophobe. She knows he gets beat only because Neil does it in front of her. She knows his mom left only because sometimes Neil gets drunk and spits in Billy’s face that it’s all his fault she’s gone. 

But she doesn’t know that Billy agrees with Neil on that last bit. 

That maybe if he fought for her better-

Got in between her and Neil when he was goin��� in rough and hard on her down in the kitchen, instead of hiding under his bed with his hands pressed over his ears. 

He’s got no one to work through all this shit with, and by the sounds of things, Steve hasn’t got anyone either. 

And maybe that’s what they could be. 

For each other. 

Billy shook himself.

“You wanna start your movie?” He asked Steve, trying to redirect the evening back to their Favorite Movie Double Feature, and out of Billy’s Hopeless and Has Feelings territory. 

Because time was ticking down. 

And no matter how much Billy felt like Steve was the perfect compliment to his frayed and ragged soul.

Steve was leaving. 

Steve was always leaving. 

[ninyard]

Could you write something with a Nicky & Kevin friendship or just supporting each other, set at any point during the series

you know what anon I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely thought about Nicky n Kevin’s friendship before ?? But! What a fantastic friendship it is!!!! I think there’s a pretty pivotal moment in the series of their relationship, but obligatory CW for The Raven King Chapter 11 (the thanksgiving dinner) before we get into it

First of all I think when Kevin first arrived in PSU, and when he was staying with Abby, still healing his broken hand, Nicky was the only fox except for Andrew who visited him regularly? Even Andrew didn’t really “visit” at that point, but Nicky was the only one who pro-actively wanted to see how Kevin was doing, instead of asking Wymack or Abby or gossiping between the team. It was probably in part because Nicky LOVES breaking a good story, but mostly it was because of the fact Nicky is such a genuinely kind person? He knew how alone Kevin must’ve felt after being essentially banished from his “family”, with no future in sight or a will to live, really. So Nicky showed up. He always brought a gift, and even though Kevin didn’t really speak much and really seemed to hate Nickys fast, drama-filled way of speaking, he never told Nicky to leave.

When Andrew came along and took Kevin under his wing, that kind of drove a wedge in between any semblance of relationship they could’ve had. It was Andrew And Kevin, and that was it. Andrew didn’t see a point in leaving room for Nicky in that. But Kevin never forgot what Nicky did for him, and even though they’re practically opposite types of people, Kevin and Nicky never had beef, like literally ever. Nicky tried flirting seriously with him once, but Kevin scrunched up his nose and shook his head and for the first time Nicky didn’t persist. They really just had this unspoken respect for each other, but their relationship was never really much more than that. Whereas Kevin’s relationship with Andrew was a joined-by-the-hip kind of deal, Kevin and Nicky more so looked out for each other in the smallest ways. When Nicky sprained his wrist during practice the end of freshman year, Kevin was there for him to show him the best ways to move it to build his strength back up and to take care of it so it could heal properly. When Nicky was struggling with some type of homework on the bus to a game, Kevin would peek over his shoulder and nonchalantly point out the answers. When Kevin was starting to play again, Nicky always offered to play defence to help him regain his strength against an opponent.

But you know, as soon as you mention Nicky and Kevin my head INSTANTLY goes to the aftermath of Chapter 11 in TRK. Like, Kevin had to go downstairs after finding that situation, and presumably Nicky had no real idea. So Nicky looks in the Kitchen window, while talking to his mom about nothing, and he sees Neil and Aaron head out of the kitchen. He watches Kevin follow. It’s not long before Luther is back outside with a look on his face that says nothing good, and then Nicky sees Kevin. He’s on the phone, chewing at his fingernails, face white like he’d seen a ghost. He leaves the table, overhearing Kevin reciting his parents’ address and they lock eyes when he enters the room. Kevin’s eyebrows are knitted together like he’s about to cry. He puts a hand out when Nicky tries to push past him. It takes him a minute to hang up, and suddenly Nicky’s heart is racing and he’s desperate to go upstairs. Kevin can’t find the words.

“Andrew’s hurt.” The words don’t do it justice. It feels like a lie coming out his mouth. “Nicky,” he tries to push past again. “I don’t know if you should go up there.” Nicky turns back to see his mom and dad watching them. They look like they’re about to follow. Nicky asks if he called the police or an ambulance. Kevin says both.

“Who hurt him?” Nicky doesn’t know what to say. He can hear the mumble of voices upstairs.

“I don’t know.” Kevin’s voice is almost a whisper. “There’s so much blood.” And then Nicky shoves him out of the way and suddenly Kevin’s following him up the stairs and Nicky’s reaching out to hold Andrew’s face, Neil holding a blanket around his presumably naked bottom half. Kevin nearly got sick at the sight again. He’d seen enough blood in the nest, he’d seen enough rapes and tortures and beatings and dead bodies, but this was so much worse. This was messy, this was family, this was Andrew’s abuser killed at the hands of his brother, blood on the wall of Nicky’s childhood bedroom.

So Andrew and Neil leave in the ambulance, Kevin and Nicky left to take a taxi to the police station, waiting for Aaron who left in cuffs, waiting to give their statement. They don’t say much, but Kevin puts a hand on Nicky’s shoulder when he finally cries, and leaves his own shoulder free as a place to cry on. They’re told to leave without Aaron and they’re left alone again in Columbia, waiting for David to bring Andrew home safe. Neither of them have much of an appetite to eat, and it’s a while before either of them speak.

“Did you see it happen?” Nicky is staring at a wall, hands wringing around the end of a pillowcase. “Did you watch him die?”

“No,” Kevin fought off another panic attack that crept up his throat. “Did you know who he was?”

They skirted around the topic, afraid that if they said what really happened, it would be real, it would be unfixable. But Kevin knew Nicky needed him, until somebody else came back. Can you even imagine how much Nicky must’ve been in shock? I don’t think he even called Erik until the next day, you know. The only person he spoke about it with was Kevin, and when Betsy arrived he cried with her for ten minutes before a car was pulling up and he knew it was Andrew. Kevin and Nicky had never spent so much to me alone, but there was a strange comfort in the air. Kevin was the rock that Nicky needed, and Nicky was the distraction Kevin needed. Kevin wasn’t a hugger, really, but when Nicky asked to be held, he pulled him into his chest and didn’t let go until he was ready. They both comforted each other that night, but they never spoke about it again. Nobody else had to know that they’d practically broken down in each other arms, half in shock, half processing the trauma they’d just witnessed. Nicky had never been exposed to something like that before; Kevin knew it was a life-changing event for him. Nicky didn’t have any sort of ideas of superiority about his relationship to Andrew, either. He knew how much Andrew meant to Kevin, how he had walked in to see his protector so vulnerable, so hurt. He knew Kevin had to say that word down the phone to the operator, and how he had to say it to Coach, too. And he had to say it again and again and again to the cops in the station.

I know it’s an extreme example of their friendship, but I think a lot of it goes unspoken. That night was the night where their respect for each other became physical, and visible. It became more than just nods across a court or a pat on the shoulder after a good game. They were all they had that night. Just Kevin and Nicky, alone for god knows how long, just waiting, trying to keep it together. They each took a shot of whatever spirit they could find before Betsy arrived, and nobody had to know about that either. They coped in their own ways after that, but it really solidified how much they cared about each other, I think. Kevin texted Nicky for the first time that week, a couple different times, just to see if he was okay, how he was doing, if he needed anything. And oh man, did that mean the absolute world to him. Kevin and Nicky’s relationship is probably one of the more unexpectedly close relationships in the series, when I think about it. They didn’t experience what happened that night in the way Andrew or Neil or Aaron did, but the way they looked out for each other when both their worlds came screeching to a halt in the upstairs bedroom in a house that was no longer home? Unmatched.

There’s definitely softer/“fluffier”/funnier instances of them being friends but my mind couldn’t NOT let me write about this cos it was all I could think about SORRYYYY

[mourntheantagonist]

#HarringroveApril Day 23: Picnic

***

Billy’s favorite memories of his mom were always at the same place. That same little place that was outside those suffocating four walls where instead of just the aroma of beer and tobacco where the light came just from one flickering bulb in the ceiling, the sun shined through the branches on the maple trees over fields of dandelions, where his mom would always hold one up to his lips and tell him to make a wish.

They spent that time eating. She would pack a big basket full of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sliced fruit and juice boxes, and always something special and home made for the desert. They would sit out on a ratty old blanket and play with the ladybugs and enjoy their time away. Together.

It was always so perfect. So peaceful. He had to be physically dragged back home to the dingy and dusty apartment every time.

The day he used the dandelion to wish they could both just run away was the day he first stopped believing in it.

In the months leading up to his mom ditching, trips to the field were nonexistent for the most part, aside from the last one. The one that took place just two days before she packed her bags and left without a trace, without notice, nothing but a note left on the fridge granting Billy just one phone call before he would never hear her voice again.

He still went back to the field. He would sit with his back to their favorite tree until the sun began to set, waiting for her to come back. Waiting for her to emerge from the distance with that same contagious laugh and picnic basket in hand. He did that every day until he couldn’t anymore. Until seeing the sun set just one more time and seeing no blonde figure walking over through the horizon became too painful.

It got to a point where he wasn’t sure he’d be happy to see her if she did, just angry. So unbelievably angry. He would have shown her all of the cuts and bruises she left for him to bear all by himself. The one person he had in his corner left him high and dry and without even so much as a basket full of pb&j’s and her famous apple pie.

After waiting and hoping became too exhausting, the anger followed suit. It soon became easier to forget than to stay mad. It became easier to shut himself down when it was time for the belt than to curse her name for leaving him there to take it all alone. He’d let the rage fade away and think of only fields of green, yellow, and white, and the smile on his mom’s face, the mother that stood between him and the monsters, not the one who fed him to the dragon.

His happy place.

It didn’t take long for him to lose sight of that too. He could hardly remember what her face looked like anymore, and day by day, beating after beating, his happy place became too closely associated with pain, that it was just another place. Just another place he couldn’t successfully escape to anymore.

And the memory was lost. Just like that. Suppressed along with all of the others, and Billy could only recall her face in the few pictures he managed to keep away from the fireplace. He had nothing to replace the sounds of leather striking his skin or the taste of blood in his mouth, so he was left there to just take it. Unable to fight back, unable to breathe. He’d just stay there, hold back the tears, and keep telling himself that it would all be over soon.

He’d forgotten. Memories out in the field chasing butterflies and picking flowers and smearing jelly all over his face were replaced by red, replaced by pain and grief and a dark tunnel with no conceivable light on the other side. No more hope.

He’d forgotten until he found the same old wicker basket while cleaning the garage.

The old ratty blanket was still inside.

It was all still intact.

And the memories came flooding back like a fifty foot wave crashing over the top of him, drowning him, leaving him panicked and unsure of what to do next, where to go, how to proceed. He just held it in his two hands and let his eyes fall closed, seeing the green, yellow, and white displayed on the inside of his eyelids, feeling that happiness inside of him just one more time. The memories were far away, barely in reach, but they weren’t gone forever.

He could almost smell the lemon perfume and hear the buzz of the bees she attracted.

There were many steps that had to be taken in between point a and point b that couldn’t even be considered a mistake, but it felt a little bit like one when he was driving in the car to Steve’s house with a picnic basket in the passenger seat filled with beer and chips and whatever snacks he could find lurking in the back of their kitchen cupboards.

And of course, two quickly and poorly made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Steve had been the memories that filled the silence for him. It was Steve’s laugh that he heard when he needed the tears to stop, it was the feeling of his lips against his own that made the pain go away, it was the feeling of his arms around him, holding him tightly when Billy didn’t want him to let go, feeling like it was always too short when he did, that made it seem like only a second. A blip.

He wanted to have a picnic with Steve. He wanted to bring use to the abandoned basket and play with the ladybugs in Steve’s hair and make wishes on dandelions.

He knocked on Steve’s door with one hand, the other holding the picnic basket.

“Hey, you didn’t say you were coming over.” Steve said, eyes looking only to him and not noticing the basket just yet.

Billy held it up a little higher, right in Steve’s view. “I had a stupid idea, are you free?”

“I’m literally always free Billy.”

Billy laughed and pulled Steve outside by his hand, helping him down the step like a gentleman. “Y’know of any good places for a picnic around here?”

Steve guided him somewhere not too far, just ten minutes south of Hawkins where there was a large field with a pond nearby, quiet and vacant and perfect, and absolutely littered with dandelions both yellow and white. Despite the short trip, Billy had to slap Steve’s hand away from opening the basket more than one time.

It was freeing walking hand in hand through the field. There was nobody around to see them, but the open space made it feel public. No tight walls or car doors holding them in and hiding them from view. Just that little bit of freedom was enough. They found a little patch with a little bit of shade and laid out the blanket on the grass. It was just like he remembered. Tattered and worn blue cloth, it still had the grape juice stain on the corner from when he laughed so hard it came out of his nose.

Steve sat down and looked up at Billy with little puppy dog eyes that asked “can I please open it now?”

Billy just nodded his head and Steve immediately started pulling out the chips and the beers and the little saran wrapped sandwiches.

“It’s not gourmet or anything, but it’s food.”

“Don’t knock a perfectly good pb&j,” Steve said, already beginning to unwrap it. “What’s the special occasion anyway?”

“No special occasion, I just wanted to take you on a picnic.” Billy said, hesitating, wondering not only if he should go forward, but wondering if he even could. Would the words even come out if he tried to say them. “My mom and I went on picnics a lot as a kid.” He says it all in one hastily quick breath, sighing heavily when he reached the end of his sentence. “I thought this could help keep the memory alive.”

Steve took a bite of his sandwich while Billy worked on unwrapping his own, looking down and away from Steve as he finished chewing his bite. “You don’t talk about her much.” he said, and Billy chanced a look up, and Steve was giving him a soft toothless smile. Warm and inviting like it always was.

“She left when I was ten. It’s not like there’s a lot to talk about.” Billy took a bite out of his own sandwich, a large one just in case Steve decided to begin some type of interrogation, that way he’d have at least a little bit of spare time to think of something to say.

“What was she like?”

Billy smiled, the memories coming back again. He remembers doing somersaults and cartwheels in the grass pretending they were training to be gymnasts, even if Billy fell on his ass every time and got grass stains on his jeans that didn’t come out no matter how many times they ran them through the wash. He was also remembering all those times Neil would scream at her for letting him ruin another pair, and hearing her scream back at him just as loud.

“She was strong.” he said, smile only faltering for a second.

“I figured you had to have gotten it from somewhere.” Steve said, he managed to finish the first half of the sandwich in just the time it had taken Billy to answer. “What else? What did she look like?”

“She was blonde, bright blonde, and tall. She was beautiful.”

“So you didn’t get the height from her.” Billy nudged him in the shoulder and laughed. He pulled out two cans of beer from the basket and passed one over to Steve. “You think she would have liked me?”

“I’d just love to say no, but yeah. She would have adored you.” Billy said, because she would have, she would have loved to have a buddy by her side while she poked fun.

“Do you still miss her?” Steve asked, and Billy tensed enough that Steve noticed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“No, it’s okay.” Billy took a deep breath. “I think for a while there, I forgot to miss her, but I think I always will.” he shut his eyes and bowed his head. “Sometimes I feel like she hurt me worse than my dad ever did, so I shouldn’t have good memories of her.”

Steve moved across to the other side of the blanket and pulled Billy into his side, one arm wrapped around him and Billy just let his head tilt to the side and rear on his shoulder. “She betrayed your trust. I can’t even begin to imagine how much that hurt, but you’re still allowed to have the good memories. She doesn’t get to take those away from you too.” Steve rubbed his hand against Billy’s arm, the friction making him warm and sending a chill up his spine. “And missing her, remembering good things about her, it doesn’t have to mean that what she did after was okay. It doesn’t forgive her.”

Billy doesn’t realize he’s crying until Steve’s wiping away a tear from his cheek.

“Hey, I love you,” Steve said, holding Billy’s face in both hands and looking him right in the eye before giving him a short and chaste kiss to the lips, “and I’d love to hear more about her if it helps you remember,” Steve kissed him again, longer this time, pushing a strand of hair back and tucked behind his ear, “and I want to help you replace the bad ones with better ones if you’ll let me.”

Billy smiled and wrapped a hand around Steve’s wrist that was still holding his cheeks. “You already do, everytime I see you.”

Sitting on that blanket, eating from that basket, it sent a lot of forgotten memories rushing back in a flood, and as Steve kissed him there was one that kept pounding at the front of his skull.

When his mom held the dandelion to his lips, and he made the wish…

“I wish I will fall in love.” he said it out loud for his mom to hear and she just smiled.

“Anyone would be a fool not to love you.”

That one came true.

He was in a sea of dandelions ready to be wished on, but he didn’t budge from his spot, because there was nothing he could think to wish for. He had everything he wanted right in front of him.

And he tasted just like peanut butter.

[redrabbitspod]

how did you choose the designs for all the characters in RRP?? will y'all also be continuing behind the pod

Hi there! First, Behind the Pod WILL be continuing! We have so many ideas and I’m pretty sure Jeni’s said it but we’re not lying when we say we literally have all the characters lives planned out lol. We have one Behind the Pod coming out soon and its SO MUCH FUN AND YALL ARE GONNA LOVE IT (hopefully. we geeked about the idea all week so...)

As for the characters! That’s a really good question. I’ve answered it in the discord a couple of times, but I always love when it gets brought up because we really put a lot of thought into the characters of RRP. 

I’d already had a pretty established idea of what Andrew and Neil looked like because I’d painted them before. I decided to do a full body to try and get down their style and such and then I feel like everything really fell around that. 

Nathan was just. a gross no brainer. 

Seth was fun to figure out because one thing that really pissed me off was the fact that some people hc-ed him as black. Literally the guy that was killed off first, severely homophobic, and one of the most hated characters. We wanted to flip that onto its head and say you know what? Fine. We’ll make him black (even though in canon I know the four of us saw him as a white trailer dude), but we’ll give him a reason as to why he is the way he is and try to redeem him since this is several years later. Hopefully, we did that lol. But we developed his dad being military, white, and refusing to acknowledge the fact that his sons were black. And his momma being a hard working, religious black woman that was trying her damnedest to raise her sons. And honestly, everything snowballed from there and as per usual, I had to cover him in freckles because I have an obsession. 

Dan and Alli is p interesting too. Of course we knew Dan was going to be black, because duh. But originally I designed Alli as white and her style was pinup lmfao. Something about it didn’t feel right though. I cant remember when it hit me, but at some point I was like NAH. ALLI HAS TO BE BLACK. 

I told the others and they agreed. And what we decided was that Alli and Dan will have very different experiences in being black. And with Seth, they would show the different sides of the black community (my community), because I saw an extreme issue in this fandom when it came to race. I’m not saying that I wanted a chance to educate, but yeah. I wanted a chance to fucking educate lol. So here was my first version of afrolatina Alli, and then we played with that until she morphed into the bad bitch she is. 

And then we thought maybe we’ll keep her pinup, but we decided against that. 

As for Dan, we played with her hair lots, but decided on braids instead of the short hair. But here are a few of the versions we played around with! 

Matt was a given because uh. duh

King was actually fun because originally she was completely different, but then I had to simplify her because i forgot how I got her fur to look like that :(

Also as a note, you can definitely tell that I’ve learned my program better over the past two years lol. So the way I render now and some of the characters have DEFINITELY changed over time. Almost all of their ‘skins’ have been replaced. 

Renee I think we always knew was half korean? I don’t know how.. but we knew that. She’s also changed over time, but for the most part, I already had her character made so we just scooted her over to RRP lol. 

I’m trying to think if there’s anything else design wise... Oh I did end up making Mary a few times. here are two versions of her:

These were before we figured out that Neil is part-Indian though. So just keep that in mind. We never really discussed it in depth at this moment, which is why she very much looks like a Hwhite lady. 

Robin i think was automatic. We immediately knew what to do with her. So it was sort of a nobrainer? And it was realized later that Robin looks suspiciously like me (NOT INTENTIONAL) so we ended up using myself as a young robin lol. 

I hope this answers your question! I’ve got a TON of unreleased/posted pictures of the characters built up over the years so any time I get to share them, I REALLY take it lol! - Tiara

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 6

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 6

Nicky was bringing Jim from his improv class...

I thought Nicky had a long-term boyfriend?

Well, if he did, he probably doesn't anymore. Not with all of Nicky's jokes about cheating and him taking some rando to the big dinner.

Blackwell was slow to appear in the distance, but it didn't take long to spot the two stadiums. The football and Exy stadium were on opposite sides of the campus like massive bookends.

I'm still having a really difficult time swallowing that society completely shifted because of a sport invented some 30 years earlier.

Like I'm willing to overlook a lot for the sake of a story. But for society to just go completely and utterly apeshit over a 30 year old sport makes zero sense. AND I READ THE STORY WHERE THE LADY HAD SEX WITH THE LITERAL BULL.

Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. "You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as you can. I'm timing you. Go."

It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

WOW THAT'S SUPER FUCKING HEALTHY.

Like I get that his foster-father and brother abused the shit out of him. But therapy is much better than alcoholism.

Madison was using the home locker room to change right now, so the Foxes had to go all the way around to the away side.

I really love how there's this big fancy banquet dinner where they invite all of the college exy teams, and they literally have to change in the locker room.

My high school did this band banquet, too. But we didn't have to fucking eat dinner out on the football field with our parents... We had the school cafeteria for the evening.

Out of touch author can't even think of a world where these idiots would want to rent a banquet hall. Oh no... it's got to be at the fucking stadium, for some unholy reason.

Judging by Neil's quick headcount, the Ravens hadn't brought dates. They hadn't brought any color along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the exact same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands. Another team might look foolish going so far, but somehow the Ravens looked imposing.

I joke about the fox characters outside of Neil, Kevin, and Andrew being cardboard cut-outs... but this ain't got nothing on those cardboard cutouts.

"I know who you are," Riko said. "Who here doesn't? You're the woman who captains a Class I team. You've done admittedly well despite your disadvantages."

CASUAL SEXISM.

The man to Riko's right stood up as soon as the Foxes were settled and walked behind the Ravens until he was across from Neil. Two fingers to the woman's shoulder got her out of her chair and she moved to the newly-emptied seat. The stranger sat across from Neil. As he did the Ravens fell out of their frozen poses, but they did so only to lean back as one in their chairs.

Did they practice this ahead of time?

The black three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Imagine getting a tattoo of a college sports number. Of which you would only get to play for a few years before being forced out.

It took him only a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

I can't with her descriptions of the Ravens. Like one team's colors are orange and white, and the other is black and red. ONE OF THEM IS GUD AND THE OTHER IS EBUL. THE RAVENS ARE EBUL, AND THEY'RE ALL HENCHMEN ROBOTS.

"We're sure it is," the Raven striker said, "seeing how you're dating a prostitute."

"Stripper," Dan corrected...

[…]

Neil tried not to stare at her. He would have dismissed the Raven's insult as an outright lie if not for Dan's easy response. Too late he remembered her telling him she'd worked an overnight job during high school to make ends meet.

THE AUTHOR DOES REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TO BE 18 TO WORK JOBS LIKE THAT... RIGHT?! Like please tell me that the author didn't write about a 15 year old getting a job as a stripper.

This series is bad enough without needing to drag child strippers into the mix.

The others fell asleep within a few miles, but Neil spent the entire ride thinking about Riko and his father.

Chapter 6 summary: So it's time for the banquet. They do a random lottery draw where they decide which school will host the banquet this year. The school picked is only about four hours away. The banquet itself lasts for two days, in order to justify some of the travel time for those further away. However, the foxes are of the opinion “fuck that; we're not staying the entire two days”.

As they get closer to the school, Kevin starts to have a panic attack. As the others leave the bus, David gives Kevin some alcohol, and tells him to chug it. Which... yeah, that sounds fucking healthy. They have to change out in the locker room, which is fucking weird if you ask me. And then they go into the stadium, which has been turned into a banquet hall. The sight makes Neil angry, and mood. Rent a fucking banquet hall for this, assholes.

They're upset to see that the foxes are randomly supposed to be sitting across from the ravens. And the ravens are all dressed like evil henchmen, and are even randomly acting in unison. Talk about zero personality. David warned the others not to pick a fight, but obviously wasn't counting on Riko bringing his planet-sized ego with him. A rando Raven player named Jean-- who is the embodiment of every French stereotype you can think of-- starts to antagonize Neil, and calls him by a bunch of Neil's former names. He then moves on and starts insulting everybody else.

Their little pissing match goes on for a long while. But hey, it's not like anything else is going on, so this might as well happen, I guess. Finally, Riko antagonizes Neil into speaking, and Neil calls Riko out on his shit, saying that he's a whiny, entitled little brat who doesn't have anything going for him. Then, Jean and Riko start to act like they “own” Neil, which has fucking creepy slavery undertones to what they're saying.

David finally shows up to say that they're trying to move the foxes to another table. As they get up to leave, Jean can't help but name-drop Neil's father. The others rally around Kevin and Neil once they're away. Kevin is sent back to the bus to drink some more liquor, and Neil thinks about following. Not only that, but just fucking leaving. But he doesn't, because then this series would be put out of its misery.

After dinner, then they put all of the tables away and everybody starts socializing and networking. The ravens come over, act like they've never met the foxes before, but then continue to insult them. I'm really fucking over this. Riko's uncle and the raven coach comes over. The two teams awkwardly stare at one another, and the only thing this scene needs is some dramatic finger snapping. Tetsuji says that he ran fingerprint test off of a glass Neil drank out of back during that dumb morning talk show, and knows who he is. He yells at Neil about crimes that Neil's dad committed against The Family©, as if Neil himself personally did all of that. However, Neil stands his ground and refuses to be bullied by these assholes.

Matt finally drags Neil away, and threatens to tell the exy board about Riko's shit behavior and have him benched for the rest of the season. They all go back to the bus finally, and start to head home.

[sucker-for-minyard]

When i say that "All For The Game" is important to me and helped me undestand my personal limits, i mean it.

[Tw: harassment]

When i was 10, i started to study in a school called "CEN". There, i made incredible friends, but also not so great ones.

From my first year there (10yo) to my last year there (13yo), i was basically in a school were the people, specially the older ones, had NO CONCEPT of CONSENT AND PERSONAL SPACE.

I lost the count of how many times teenagers would lift my skirt or my shirt, take off my bra, touch my breasts or kiss me without warning.

I was 10!!!! Starting to learn about my body, entering puberty, and i had the worst example possible.

Eventually, i just thought it was normal. It was ok for a friend, who was 16, to grope me, 11, when we passed through each other in the corridor.

It was ok for me to have these older guys hitting on me and talking openly about sexual stuff.

it was ok for people that i DIDN'T EVEN KNOW to touch my body. to kiss me.

it was ok for a friend to grope me and disrespect my body, because that's what people do when they like you. right? right?

i had no idea how much i was disrespecting myself, and how everything that happened would impact my relationship with others in the future.

Fast foward to when i was 14, and moved to another school for X reasons.

I legitimately thought that everyone hated me. I cried to my parents bc i thought that no one wanted to be friends with me.

Guess why.

Because in months there, no one touched me in a weird way. No one disrespected my body. No one forced themselves into my personal space.

I was devastated, and was always on edge, thinking that my friends would go away in any second.

At the same time, i met a guy that I'll call "Adam" bc i don't need his name here. He was the boyfriend of one of my friends from CEN. And we became friends really quickly.

We would call each other for HOURS. He was two years older.

And one day, he started to flirt with me.

I had NO EXPERIENCE dating. I never had someone that i was in love with, and the thought of someone older and pretty and interesting would like ME was just too much. I fell head over heels for him. Not in love. Just, emotionally attached.

He kept flirting, initially nothing much, but then he started to talk about sexual things. Things that he wanted me to do to him and with him. What he wanted to do with me.

And one day, he just called me while jerking off.

I was terrified. I didn't knew how to tell him to 'stop'. That i didn't liked that kind of friendship. Because i didn't want to lose him.

So i just kept letting it happen. Until he decided to grope me in front of his girlfriend and i just had too much.

I went home and cried for hours with my mom on the phone. You know what she said? That it was my fault, since i gave him so much liberty.

That sentence really stayed with me.

And then the year was ending, and i was waiting for my friends from school to finally walk away and stop talking to me.

But they didn't. I did.

And the next year, when i was 15, i was in a new school.

I spent one year there with no problems. Didn't really bond with anyone but was starting to make some friends. It was nice, even tho i was basically being bullied by my classmates. I could ignore it and so i did.

Fast foward to Last year, 2019. now i had 16. Most of my year passed normaly. I never liked studying but i did the minimum to not fail.

And then, in September, i met someone in a party. I'll call him "Dave" because i don't want to put his real name in my blog.

Dave was clearly a 'rebel without a cause'. He smoked and drank without caring about his health. He was cool and everyone wanted to hang out with him. He painted his nails and played the guitar.

And for some reason, he wanted to hook up with me. Not date.

And i fell for it. I kissed him once and was already in heaven. How the fuck someone so cool wanted ME? I had no idea but i was loving it.

Soon we became best friends, we hanged out literally everyday and shit.

And then we became "friends with benefits" lmao. I was in love with him, and he couldn't choose between me and another person (that i won't say the name. today he is one of my best friends).

All of my close friends at the time warned me about Dave. How he treated me badly, how rude he was with me, how he was using me. But i thought that i was in love and ignored everything.

And two months passed like that. I slept in his house 3 times a week. I spent all weekends with him, i drank too much and i started smoking like an idiot.

And one day, after a huge fight me and Dave had, my dad said that my family was going to move to another state.

I called Dave immediately, and went to his house.

Only then we started dating. Because i was going away in two months, suddenly he was ok with dating me.

Adam was terrible and i was so unhappy.

Before we started dating, and even after that, i never had the right to say "no".

It was never about me. What i wanted. What i could give. What i was able to give.

I would come to his house, drunk, and he would ignore that i could not truly give consent and make me do whatever he wanted me to do.

I never felt loved.

My body was not mine. I had no right to control my own body.

I was with someone that would not accept a "no". I was with someone that would threaten to kill himself if i hurted him. I was with someone that said that he would kil me, and beat me, if i didn't do as he told.

He hit me once. And even after that, i didn't break up with him. And as always, he never, NEVER, apologized.

I was, again, in a relationship that taught me nothing about consent, respect and limitations. And it was destroying me without me noticing it.

But two months later, the day came and o moved. Even so the abuse didn't stop there.

He kept emotionally manipulating me, making me feel guilty for not being there. He said that i wasnt the person that he thought that i would be. That i never helped him and never made him happy. He said that i didn't truly love him.

Eventually, we parted ways. He stoped sending me messages and i stopped trying to be there.

I felt empty, and loveless, and it was like i had failed. I felt like i wasn't enough. I failed because i wasn't able to give enough of myself to him.

And now, a couple of months ago.

Someone on twitter mentioned AFTG and i didn't have anything better to do.

I fell in love with the book. I did. But there were so many triggers and had to take it slow.

I KNOW it sounds like I'm reading too deep into it, but please understand.

When i saw the way that Andrew and Neil interacted, as two different individuals, with different needs and different limitations, i was devastated.

I could not handle seeing how respectful and caring they were about each others triggers and traumas.

How Neil respected every single "no".

And how Andrew was able to say "no" without caring about what Neil would feel.

Because, when you say "no", it's for you, you're respecting yourself. And if your special someone can't undestand and respect that, they're not worth it.

I didn't understand that. To be honest, I'm still having a hard time to think about everything that happened to me like it was "harassment" or "assault".

I didn't say yes, but i also didn't say no

And, again, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm reading too deep into it.

Andrew and Neil have this "yes or no" think that left me speechless.

How can someone just respect you so much that they won't touch you unless you give clear permission?

I cried too much, and had enough panic attacks while i was reading the books. There were too many triggers but i kept going because i felt like i needed to.

I never had thought that, when you're drunk, you can't give consent. I never worried about that because no one worried about me when i was drunk. No one asked me anything.

The idea of having someone that will understand if you don't want to be touched, somone that will stay there and wait inutil you're okay, someone that loves you enough to respect if you're not ok... it was too much. Really.

Suddenly all of my relationship with my ex was passing in front of my eyes and i finally saw how abusive it was. How much he didn't care. How i trusted someone that couldn't give a shit about what i was feeling.

It's not that i didn't knew it was abusive. But seeing a relationship so opposite, like Andreil, was a chock.

"All For The Game" brought up things that usually are ignored.

Even if the trilogy is not focused on Andreil, the amount of importance that it puts in "consenting", is amazing.

I started to think about me and my body and how i was treating myself.

And how much i wanted someone that will respect me and love me and take care of me.

It sound dumb but I'm truly grateful. All For The Game is just fiction. But it talks about serious matters with a respectful and realistic approach.

It's "just a book" but it showed me a kind of relationship that i never saw. It affected me.

This is a huge vent because i had a panick attack during my therapy session and i needed to write it.

[deus-ex-knoxina]

au where andrew and aaron are wymack’s sons

okay tilda USED to be less of a disaster

like in canon, wymack doesn’t know he has kids. he and tilda split up only a few weeks after she got pregnant, so he was long gone by the time she even knew. it’s not like they were exclusive, either. while it’s a gut punch to learn andrew and aaron’s last name, and what happened to their mother, he figures they can’t be his.

of course, andrew and aaron don’t know either. but you know who does? riko, and by extension kevin

riko’s goal in recruiting andrew is a lot more specific now. instead of just ‘get a really good goalkeeper with a reputation’, it’s ‘get the really good goalkeeper with a reputation so he doesn’t sign with the foxes’.

of course, knowing wymack was their father would probably make the twinyards less inclined to sign with him, not more, but riko doesn’t know that. he doesn’t know them very well at all, and andrew has decided to keep it that way

(riko’s fatal mistake, again, is not recruiting aaron as well. if he had tried, then maybe andrew would have agreed-- or not. if he had tried to recruit nicky too, he probably would have stood a decent chance.)

wymack recruits andrew, aaron, and nicky, with absolutely no idea that he’s related to them, and they accept. riko gnashes his teeth.

he does so even more once they play the foxes that year. the ravens win, of course they do, but andrew aims shots at riko’s head, when he can. just a little reminder to that thick skull that andrew minyard personally dislikes him (as opposed to the general apathy he treats the rest of the population with)

when kevin runs to the foxes after the winter banquet, it’s not because wymack is his dad, because he’s not. it���s because wymack managed to snatch the minyards right out from under riko’s nose and keep them away from him, and if he can do that, then maybe he can keep kevin safe too

(he does. wymack wouldn’t be able to bear otherwise.)

and for a while, that’s how it stays. for a long time, actually. the year goes on. neil gets recruited, and the foxes’ futures start to look up. seth dies and andrew gets sent to easthaven and they look down again, and neil goes to evermore for winter break, and riko does not reveal anything. he bides his time.

(when wymack comes to get neil from the airport, neil is struck by how big wymack is. he’s not that tall-- he’s not short, but kevin and nicky and matt are all taller than him-- but he’s strong and sturdy.)

kevin, who knows the secret about wymack and the twins, has already catalogued all the similarities he can find between them. he’s had a lot of time to do so.

the reveal doesn’t happen until the final game. riko waits until he’s close enough to andrew to score, then right as he’s lining up his shot, he says, ‘you know, i was surprised when you signed with daddy dearest over there.’

andrew doesn’t dignify that with a response. if riko wants to play mind games, he can do so by himself. he does do his best to aim the ball at riko’s ankle. it ricochets off the wall, though, because riko is one of the few players good enough that andrew actually has to try to control the ball around him.

riko figures maybe he didn’t get through to andrew, or maybe andrew’s just obtuse, so that’s what he starts with next time he’s within earshot. ‘oh, didn’t you know wymack’s your dad? how does he feel about that car crash of yours?’

andrew grits his teeth, but he stays the course. he doesn’t need riko yelling about family history to aaron next, because aaron might hit him and then who knows what’ll happen. they can’t afford to lose a player.

that surprises him-- because what does he care how the game ends? but it matters, because to take riko out, they need to beat him at his own game, literally.

andrew does pick up on riko saying something to kevin before the next serve, and kevin stealing worried looks at andrew for the next five minutes.

well, then.

they make it through the game. andrew hisses at the other foxes to keep riko away from aaron, and for once, they don’t ask questions.

and they win.

andrew breaks riko’s arm, and then he says, calmly like he hasn’t spent the past twenty minutes contemplating it, ‘hm, at least my dad wants me.’ because he doesn’t know if riko is telling the truth (and he plans to find out from kevin), but he does know it would be an absolutely devastating comment, and andrew is all in favor of those.

and he also knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that wymack wants him, at least on the foxes if not in wymack’s personal life. wymack signed him and has dealt with all his shit and has bought him expensive whiskey in exchange for playing like he means it. wymack wants him around, which is more than riko can say about his father.

when they get off the court, andrew lets neil lean on him, but he finds kevin and asks, ‘what did he say to you?’

kevin looks at neil, exhausted but alert, and then at aaron over by the vixens, and then at wymack, and then finally back at andrew, and andrew has his answer. ‘so it’s true.’ and kevin nods.

and andrew decides he’s going to deal with that later. right now, he’s tired, and he wants to talk to bee before doing anything, just to figure out what to do, and at the moment kevin needs to go away and andrew needs to find a place to sit down because his legs are tired and neil, for all his running at ass o’clock in the morning, is too exhausted to even ask prying questions.

so he turns and walks out of that conversation, and neil follows, and andrew feels ready to eat ice cream and play video games for a week without a single mention of exy.

he doesn’t need to tell kevin to keep aaron in the dark for now, he’s pretty sure. kevin wouldn’t do something so instigating without a kick in the ass, and with aaron staying with matt now, there are way fewer chances for it to just slip out.

he talks to bee, and he talks to neil, and their methods are incredibly different but their suggestions are, funnily enough, the same. neil would probably be mortified to hear that revelation so andrew is saving it for a rainy day.

so he follows their advice, and he tells aaron, and aaron kicks a chair over but then he just stares at andrew for a second and then goes into his room and slams the door behind him. sulking is fine. aaron sulks, and then he gets over it, or at least fit to be in public again. this is something andrew knows about him. and he waits, and eventually aaron texts him a simple ‘what are we going to do’

and that’s how they find themselves driving to wymack’s the next saturday, music blasting in the car, but isn’t it funny how andrew can still hear the silence between them?

they’re better than they used to be, which is how andrew knows that this silence is something they both need, to steel themselves for the conversation they’re about to have. he parks the car, and turns off the radio, and they sit there for at least a minute before aaron says, ‘no deals. we tell him and that’s it.’

‘that sounds like a deal,’ andrew points out, just to be a shit, and aaron rolls his eyes at him but says, ‘no new deals with wymack. we don’t need one. he’s already got our contracts and you’re off your meds.’ and andrew agrees.

they get out of the car together, and they walk up to wymack’s apartment together, and aaron knocks before andrew can get his keys out but honestly, now that he thinks about it, aaron’s probably right. wymack should know they’re here and make the decision to let them in.

he does, and he raises an eyebrow when he sees who it is, but he doesn’t comment on them knocking because maybe he can feel the heaviness in the air, and he closes the door behind them and says, ‘what?’

that’s something andrew appreciates about wymack. he’s direct. which is why andrew says, ‘so did you know you’re our father, or did tilda keep that a secret too?’

wymack’s face drains of color and aaron says, ‘andrew,’ but he leaves it at that.

they stay at wymack’s for a long time, and andrew nabs a bottle of whiskey before they go, just to make sure wymack knows that he’s still the same person. if he really cared he’d get a lock for his liquor cabinet.

when they’re in the car, before they leave, aaron says, ‘what do we say to the rest of the team?’

andrew honestly hadn’t considered that. bee and neil and aaron and wymack and kevin all know, which is already a lot of people. probably nicky will have to be told at some point, and so will abby. he’s going to tell renee at some point. does it matter if the others know?

he voices that aloud, and aaron says, ‘i don’t know, but wymack might appreciate not having to keep it a secret.’ and that’s true. so they decide, because they’re both assholes, to wait for dan’s next full team mandatory bonding night

(wymack, still up in his apartment, is upset. not because of what they told him but of what it means-- if tilda had just told him, or if they’d split up a few weeks later, then he could have taken the twins, he absolutely would have taken the twins, and he could have prevented so much of the darkness in their lives. and it hurts, too, to know that tilda herself was responsible for a lot of that darkness. but that’s not what happened. and he’s pragmatic. he’s tried to help them ever since they signed with him and he doesn’t know how much success he’s had but they are doing better now than they were. he can try to keep that going, and he will keep that going. they deserve that.)

the mandatory bonding night happens a week later, everything is going great, occasionally people are raising eyebrows at how long andrew is staying because usually he leaves as soon as possible but whatever, and then kevin gets up and says he’s going to bed and like they planned (the plan was to wait until right before the first person leaves, so they can get everyone at once and also scatter), aaron immediately goes hey, kevin, wait, one last thing

and kevin is very, very prepared for this to be something stupid and/or incomprehensible, but he waits, and aaron says, ‘i just thought you should know that since wymack’s me and andrew’s dad that means you’re not the only son of exy anymore’

there’s a two second pause while people register what he said and then everyone loses their SHIT. allison is shrieking, nicky is just running around the room from person to person yelling in their faces, neil is laughing his ass off, dan looks like she really isn’t sure whether to believe him or not, and matt’s just kinda catatonic

eventually, dan decides to believe them and let it go. she doesn’t know the details, but their relationships with each other, the team, and wymack have all improved over the last year. if she gets in their faces right now about being assholes (as much as she wants to do just that), all their progress might be ruined.

and then andrew (and aaron, once he catches on) spends an entire practice calling wymack ‘male ancestor’ and dan figures they’ll be alright

she’s proved right later on, as the twins don’t take that long to get used to the idea of someone who’s already proved he’s on their side over and over being a part of their crafted family. it’s unorthodox and andrew definitely continues to steal alcohol but wymack locks the liquor cabinet and gives him a copy of the key, which seems like a completely futile exercise but keys are important, and keys given by someone else are even more important.

[stevesnailbat]

hawkins nights | steve harrington x hargrove!reader

summary: Steve can’t get over the girl who left him behind for her hometown, so he listens to messages from her constantly.

warnings: mentions of death, violence and abuse, tipsy driving, literally just ANGST

word count: 1.9K

a/n: this is based off of Malibu Nights by LANY, which is one of my favorite songs at the moment. I hope I did this wonderful song justice with this sad piece, enjoy!

It wasn’t unusual for Steve to be in this situation. In his bed, staring at the ceiling with a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to him. Nights like this were becoming too common for him, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing it. He wanted to feel again, and it was the only way he could.

He was numb to the pain, but the thought of Y/N still left a constantly dull sting on his heart. All he really wanted was to go back to a time when things were alright, a time when he could see her smile again. But her smile faded long ago, and so did her presence. He missed her more than he though she could comprehend, but still, he gave her space.

Steve got his voicemail recorder not long before everything that happened. Before Starcourt, he had vowed to keep all of her messages to him, just to hear her voice when he missed her. Little did he know, that would be every day soon after.

So there he was, listening to the last five messages she sent him on repeat, just to hear her voice again.

03 JULY 1985: Hi Stevie! It’s Y/N. I—uh—hadn’t heard from you in the last day or so, so I was just calling to see if you still wanted to go to the festival tomorrow night? Just...Just give me a call when you get this...I love you.

Nights like this were almost routine to him. He always started in order, listening to the only one from before made his pain dissipate for a millisecond. When he heard her cheery and hopeful voice on the tape, his heart fluttered. It brought him back to the way she’d react every time she would see him while they were together.

The smile that would grow on her face when she realized Steve was near was something that he never got tired of. It was like the first time they met every time she would see him, like she fell in love with him all over again when looking at him every time. Her excited voice in the message brought him back to the way she would talk to him like he hung the moon every damn day.

14 JULY 1985: Steve, it’s me. I know you aren’t home right now but I wanted you to know that I’m—fuck—I’m not going today. I just can’t, I can’t see him like that. My dad, he’s really mad. He thinks I’m the ungrateful and disrespectful one. Ironic, right? Anyways, you don’t have to go, I don’t expect you to. I love you.

She told him all the time that he was his true escape from reality, that he was what she looked forward to every day, and it meant the world to Steve. He would have given anything in these moments to hear her say that to him one last time.

As he listened to this message, a pang of guilt always hit his stomach. Steve wished that he could have been there to save her from her family sooner. Any animosity towards Billy had dissipated long ago, leaving after Y/N revealed the secrets of her family to Steve. He realized that they both were playing characters, trying to seem confident and tough was the only way they knew how to fit in.

This message always brought images of Neil’s stone-cold face when he heard it. He saw that look many times over the months they were dating, but one time stuck out in his mind and never went away. The one time Neil’s face changed was when he saw Steve comforting his hysterical daughter, but only for a sliver of a moment. There was a certain sadness in that moment that went away so quickly, that turned right back into an emotionless expression.

That was the only day Steve had ever seen Y/N scream at her dad. It was the first time Steve had ever seen Neil let her do it, only because he knew she was inconsolable. As Steve held her in his arms in that parking lot, all he could think about was the way she was so afraid of her house before and how her fears were probably growing exponentially now that her only protector was gone.

Steve would usually feel a tear slip down his cheek at this point, hearing Y/N’s broken voice making him think about all the times she would use him as her escape from the hell that was the Hargrove residence. He thought about what probably ensued after she told Neil that she wasn’t going to the funeral. He remembered seeing the bruised on her chin the next day and she just brushed off his questions, telling him that it was nothing.

Steve always worried, though. But she insisted over and over again that she was fine, that she was strong and could handle him, that she had to protect Max now, that she had to protect Max now. He’d never forgive himself for letting her go through those times for so goddamn long; he wished he could’ve helped sooner.

20 JULY 1985: Hey, me again. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me through this, I know I’m a piece of work. B always said whoever ended up with me would have their work cut out for them. And you really worked your ass off to help me. That’s all I really wanted to say, thank you. I love you.

Steve heart ached at the thought of Y/N and Billy’s small moments together, the small moments where they were just brother and sister instead of protector and protected. She would talk about those times with Steve like they were the most treasured moments of her life, along with the times she spent alone with Max.

He knew she wanted nothing but to be normal for once, she craved the bliss that came from family time she hadn’t gotten for the first eighteen years of her life. More than anyone else, Steve understood. So, he tried his hardest to get along with Billy, for her sake. He wanted her to feel like they could possibly be civil, like she could feel happy again with someone who at least one person in her family approved of.

It took Billy a while to accept the fact that Steve was around for the long run, but he finally did. Steve could remember exactly what Billy told him when he accepted it; Y/N was asleep with her head in Steve’s lap as he stroked her hair on her couch. Billy walked through the living room to go outside for a smoke, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the couple sitting in the dark room as the credits for Flashdance rolled on the TV screen.

“You really love her, don’t ya, Harrington?” Billy asked that night, seeing the smile that was on Steve’s face as he quietly adored her sleeping on him “You don’t look at people you just like in that way.”

“Yeah, I guess I really do.” he replied, feeling a bit uneasy about the question coming from the normally abrasive boy.

“She’s a handful, but you already know that.” Billy chuckled, digging for his lighter in his pocket. “Just—Just take care of her, will ya? If not, I’ll be obligated to fuck you up.”

04 AUGUST 1985: Hi. It’s been a month since he’s been gone now I’m having a really hard time today and I don’t know what to do. I thought about coming to see you but it’s so early and I’m a mess. I don’t know how much longer I can stay in this godforsaken town. I don’t know what else to say, but please just call me when you see this, I love you.

That message in particular was when usually he found himself tempted to turn the tape off, but he never would. He wanted nothing more to be there for her again, to hold her through the pain she was still in. The pain he was in from her leaving was substantial, but he knew it pales in comparison to hers.

The first time he heard that message, he dropped everything he was doing to call her. She had been crying for hours by that time and was near inconsolable. The ache he felt in his heart was the same every time he heard her voice on that fourth message, the ache he felt in his heart was ever-present after that day and he knew it would go away.

After that day, she was different. She had a revelation of her own on that day, but didn’t talk about it with him. She knew that he would try to talk her out of whatever it was that she wanted to do, and he knew she didn’t want him to. He tried to keep her close, not letting her push him away as much as she wanted to. He didn’t understand why he did it at first, but soon realized it was because he knew what was coming soon.

Steve knew in the back of his mind that she would leave, he always knew.

He knew what came after that dreadful fourth tape, but he always found himself with tear-brimmed eyes. It was his only weakness, listening to the last tape, but he knew he had to see it through every time.

12 AUGUST 1985: Steve, I’m sorry. I really am...I just can’t do this anymore, I have to leave Hawkins. I can’t stand to be in the town that he died in anymore, I have to go home. I need to go back to California. I wish things were different and you could come with me, but please. For me, just move on. You deserve the world, I love you.

The last message played over in his mind even after it stopped playing every time, he had every word, every hitch of her breath, every pause memorized. Every time it would play over in his mind, he’d take another swig of the Jack to forget, to get the thoughts to dissipate.

It was around this time that he’d usually get into his car and drive around to distract himself further, it never worked for too long, though. He didn’t care that he was tipsy or even drunk, his cares were out the window as his heart shattered every time. The only thing on his mind was the fact that she wasn’t there anymore, and he wanted to think about anything else.

He couldn’t move on, he just couldn’t make himself find someone new. Steve thought she was the one he’d be with for the rest of his life. He even promised her that he’d marry her someday. She was too heartbroken to see that she needed him as much as he needed her when she left, though. The only thing on her mind was finding home once again, and he understood.

This time was different that usual, though. Something had switched in his mind and he was no longer satisfied by listening to her voice or by driving around aimlessly for hours. He wanted to hold her again, even if it was the last time he ever saw her.

So, he set out to do just that. He wanted to find her in California and tell her he loved her or even see her face, even if it was the last time he ever saw her.

[meanminyxrd]

punchdrunk but it’s andreil based

hey losers i’m back with another song analysis, as always. i have a playlist for my andreil vibes if you’re curious, here it is. i actually have a lot but this one is for my slightly sad yearning andreil vibes. 

anyways, today we are covering punchdrunk by vaines. i really really enjoy this song for them and i hope i can covey it!! let’s go (:

I remember driving your car 'cause I never had one

And if I did I probably would’ve crashed it

And if I died who would’ve cared?

Maybe you would cry sometimes

Maybe you would just be fine

Because I know we weren’t in love

You just wanted to pass the time

(And that was alright)

the first line of this is pretty black and white. neil driving andrew’s car <3333 that’s it that’s the tweet. when he’s saying he’d crash one if he had his own its because he has to destroy a lot and leave stuff behind because of his past. he constantly is working to hide his past from the FBI. furthermore, he thought he was going to die for the majority of the books, and when he died, who was supposed to care? he had no one. it was this ‘me, myself, and i’ mentality because that was what kept him alive. he was constantly in danger, and when he was with andrew that’s why he made him take away the promise; he didn’t want andrew hurt because of his actions. by saying ‘maybe you would cry sometimes, maybe you would be just fine’ shows how he doesn’t think andrew actually cares ab him because 1. neil is an oblivious fuck and 2. andrew is a raging tsundere. andrew is always like ‘i dont like u’ blah blah, explaining the line ‘because i know we weren’t in love you just wanted to pass the time’ but neil was okay w it; ‘and that was alright’

I got it bad and I feel so lonely

Thought I wanted love I just wanted you

Now we’re together but you don’t even know me

But I’m stuck, what am I gonna do?

uhhh, like, poor fuckin neil man. he really had it bad for this man i really dunno how he survived when andrew was in the mental hospital HAHA. but fr he must have been so lonely, never allowing himself to make attachments, and then he makes this really skewed one with some midget maniac and then that same man goes to a hospital. that can’t have been a fun time (and it wasn’t).

‘thought i wanted love i just wanted you’, god, i love this line. remember when he looks at nicky and matt to see if he feels anything different? sees if he feels attracted to them, but he doesnt? he thinks he’s just craving affection after all this time, but no, its andrew he craves, it’s andrew he wants and chooses.

‘now we’re together but you dont even know me’ this motherfucker is living behind this silly ‘neil’ persona for a time when he’s with andrew and andrew only has this red headed man built of half truths. ‘now im stuck, what am i gonna do?’ he can’t run away like he’s used to because now he cares about andrew and he’s promised to stay.

Guess I’ll stick around

Being with you is only making me feel

Like I’m further from you then I’ve ever been

But I’m right there when you call me 'cause I’m so lonely

I don’t wanna bring it to an end

now, neil stays because he promised andrew he would, and andrew makes him feel so different and special and happy. but also while he’s with andrew he feels so far away because he isn’t being himself and andrew keeps denying whatever this,,, scuffed relationship is. but whenever andrew initiates contact, asks him yes or no, tells him to meet him somewhere or do something, neil is THERE in a heartbeat because he’s so caught up with the idea of andrew and he doesn’t want what they have to ever end even tho he’s convinced it will, one day, come to that point.

I remember feeling so young

Nothing's gonna bring me down

And if you jumped I would’ve followed

All the way down to the bottom

Better days are over now

Everything is slowing down

And you still won’t say it’s love

You just wanna pass the time

Fine

being with andrew brings him up, makes him happy, makes him FEEL something. nothing was gonna take him away from that. he would have followed andrew anywhere because he quite literally trusted andrew with his life. but the good days are over, (cut to baltimore) he’s being fucked up by his dad’s men and he thinks he’s gonna die then (cut to post baltimore) andrew does all this shit for him but STILL says he doesnt care ab neil and he just wants to pass the time. and neil is like, fine, what the fuck ever. if this is just a cheap fuck then by god im going to enjoy it while it lasts. and he’s starting to think andrew might feel *something*, but there’s no confirmation that can be seen by our lovely oblivious lil man.

Don’t stop, I know that it’s not what

I want but I need somebody to be mine

Oh god, I can’t tell you what’s up

I’m so deep in punch drunk, dumb love

I don’t ever wanna wake up

he doesnt want to be tied down. trusting someone and staying in one place for a long time? no. no way. that’s not something that neil abram josten does. he does not stay, he does not trust anyone, and by god he does NOT fall in love. but he gets to a point where he needs andrew. all he can think of in the hospital is the foxes and andrew, god, ANDREW, the prick he’s fallen in love with and can’t get out of love with. and he begs andrew to let him stay (post baltimore, hotel scene) because he NEEDS to stay, he NEEDS the foxes but more importantly he NEEDS andrew. but he’ll leave if he has to. he’ll leave if andrew asks him to because he cares more about andrew than he does himself, but he can’t explain any of this to andrew, because he’s never felt this before and he doesnt know what he’s even feeling. he just knows that somewhere along the line he fell head over heels into this situation for andrew and god he doesnt think he’ll ever be ready for it to end.

Got me brainwashed, everything is hazy

Am I killing time? Are you killin' me?

Mind games daily, why do I let you play me?

Do you get high watching me bleed?

(Now I’m bleeding out)

this part, for me, is more so a cut to the first book when andrew is just fuckin manic 24/7 because of his drugs. he drugs neil (brainwashed, hazy) and kidnaps him. neil is so stressed out by this situation that he doesn’t know who is winning in this stupid war he has with this psycho midget (am i killing time? are you killing me?). we all know andrew joseph minyard LOVES to torment neil even when shit is chill so he plays mind games with him constantly, and neil just lets it happen, because that’s who neil *is*. nathaniel wouldn’t stand for this shit, but that’s not the personality he’s portrayed and he isn’t eager to break character; not yet. and andrew always is so damn HAPPY, no matter what, bc of the drugs (again, first book for this verse). so the ‘do you get high watching me bleed?’ is like neil being like, do u really enjoy watching everyone around you hurt?? are you actually happy with all of this?

Running in circles while you hurt me, guess I deserve it

'Cause I just keep on worshiping you again and again

And I’m there when you call me 'cause I’m so– *beep*

I don’t want the misery to end

this part is a little tricky to explain canonically, i guess, but i attribute it once more to andrew denying his feelings. nora never explains it in the books, but i know from experience that this is SUCH a confusing scenario to be in. to have someone acting like they care and speaking differently. and neil must have been so confused (running in circles) but he feels he deserves it because it isnt like he’s trying to leave or anything, and he’s always there when andrew asks because like it or not, he’s attached. even tho this confusion sucks sometimes, and the whole hearted belief he has that andrew really does not care hurts beyond belief inside, he buries those feelings because he isnt ready to let andrew go.

that’s pretty much all of it; can you tell i’m obsessed with andreil?? i just love them so much. they’re so special to me. like, i dont think either of them ever saw a relationship coming; it just happened, and that’s what is so inherently beautiful to me about them. it started with a kiss, a ‘yes or no?’ and escalated from there. neil expected one day andrew was going to get bored of him, just like andrew always said he was. but he never did. he never will. 

so yeah!! hope u enjoyed xoxo see y’all soon <3

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Oh my, I need to know what is going to happen with Niko and Kev after Kev panicked

Winter spends the night picking the pieces and gluing Niko back together again. They wipe the tears from his face and convince him to stay right where he is until they come back. They’re only gone ten minutes but it feels like ten years so Niko buries himself in a nest of Winter’s sheets. When they make it back upstairs with a shit ton of food, their chest aches bc look at him! He looks like a literal child hiding from his father. That’s when they send the text message to Kevin. It’s not that they mind Niko staying over, they’re just so upset bc he’s in so much pain. Platonic cuddles ensue bc neither of them have confessed yet.

Kevin is crying as he curls up in Aaron’s arms. Amalia is still very angry at her father but he’s crying now so she sits with him too. None of them really know what to do. Niko doesn’t know about his biological parents yet and neither of them are keen on telling him just yet. Instead, Aaron holds Kevin until his tears run dry and tucks him into bed. Amalia decides she’s going to spend the night in her dads’ room so she gets tucked in beside him. 

As soon as Aaron leaves the room, Kevin calls Niko. It goes straight to voicemail. Kevin curls up around his daughter and tries not to cry again. 

Aaron calls too and, right before it can go to voicemail, Niko picks up. 

“Niko.” His name came out in a breath Aaron hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

“Dad.” The crack in Niko’s voice shatters Aaron’s heart. He’s never heard Niko sound so hurt. 

“I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you get some sleep, alright?” Aaron couldn’t see him but he knew Niko was nodding. Sometimes, when things hurt too much, Niko had the tendency to shut down. His brain stopped functioning and he forgot how to speak. Selective mutism was something that often accompanied anxiety but, with his new medication, Niko’s episodes were getting fewer and farther between. Aaron worried his bottom lip between his teeth. How far back is this going to set him? It didn’t matter. They’d figure it out. They always did. “Can I talk to Winter?”

“Sir?” Winter’s voice was softer than freshly fallen snow. 

“How’s he doing?”

“He hasn’t spoken since he got here. Ko, had to write down what happened.” Aaron cursed. “I’ll bring him home tomorrow morning. How’s your husband?” Winter’s voice went tight. Unlike Aaron, whose anger raged like a fire, there was something frigid about Winter’s anger that sent chills down his spine. 

“Kevin feels terrible.”

“He should.” And the line went dead. Winters in Washington were harsh and unforgiving. Winter Aziz was no different. Aaron slipped his phone into his pocket and scrubbed a hand over his face. Tomorrow morning was going to be Hell. Cracking the bedroom door open, he slid in and got changed in the closet. He tossed his phone onto the nightstand before climbing into bed. Kevin’s arm wrapped instinctively around him and Amalia scooched closer in her sleep. It wasn’t long before sleep dragged Aaron’s eyes shut, leaving all his problems for the morning. 

Sleep didn’t come quite so easily to Niko. Trapped in the confines of his mind, he struggled to explain to Winter why everything hurt so much. It didn’t seem to matter though. Winter knew everything there was to know about him. They knew that the sting of Kevin’s slap was nothing compared to the complete and utter betrayal of Niko’s trust. In the background, an old bollywood movie was playing but neither Niko paid it no attention. Instead, he found himself quite content to stare at Winter. Reaching a careful hand out, he buried it into the messy mop of curls atop their head. They turned to look at him then. 

“Pretty,” he managed to struggle out. A flush of color crept up Winter’s necks and their cheeks went pink. Every time Niko began to think Winter was as beautiful as they could get, they went and proved him wrong. Niko let his hand fall out of their hair and trail down their cheek.

“Niko,” Winter said, a note of warning in their voice. He let his hand fall away entirely. He watched in silence as they stood and drifted around the room, getting ready for bed. They’d already dragged him out of bed to brush his teeth and sat him down on a stool in the tub to give him a very quick bath. That had been a rather interesting ordeal. 

Winter had commanded Niko to strip down to his boxers and sit down on the stool. As always, Niko did what he was told. He’d watched as Winter rolled up their sleeves and stripped down to their own boxers before stepping in behind him. With gentle hands, they’d washed his hair and scrubbed his body. A little soap had fallen onto Winter’s nose, something that had only become apparent to Niko as they’d shifted to stand in front of him. Immediately, he found himself filled with the urge to kiss it off. Without thinking, he’d caught their face in his hand and drew them close. It was only at the last second that he realized what he was doing and managed to change his motion from a kiss to blowing the bubbles off their face. Winter’s laughter had filled the bathroom as they swiped the last of the soap off their face. They’d helped Niko out before handing him a towel and some clothes and sending him on his way. 

Laying in bed, Niko wondered if there’d ever be a time when he wouldn’t want to kiss Winter. He highly doubted that. Maybe one day he’d grow the balls to actually do it. The lights clicked off but the moonlight streaming through the open window illuminated Winter’s form. Some days, Niko truly believed that they had been crafted from the mantle of one of the moon’s craters and given life by the light of its rays. There was something so otherworldly and ethereal about Winter that he could think of no other explanation. He’d told them as much once and they’d laughed. 

“No moon could shine without the light of their sun,” Winter had replied. 

“Who’s your sun?” Niko had asked. Winter hadn’t said anything, opting instead to brush one of Niko’s stray curls from his face. Oh. Niko’s face burned brighter than any star at the implication. 

There were times when Niko let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, Winter might like him. It was a stupid thought to have and Niko knew it couldn’t be true but... it was just such a nice thought. A future with Winter was nothing more than a daydream, a reverie with which Niko had spent so many endless hours envisioning that it might have been enough to constitute a lifetime on its own. 

Niko rolled over onto his side to give Winter space on the bed. If he dared to lay facing them, there’d be no chance of him getting any sleep at all. On more than one occasion, Niko had wasted the whole night studying the soft curves of Winter’s face. The bed shifted slightly beneath Winter’s slight weight. An arm came, wrapping around his torso and drawing him in. Niko’s heart nearly stopped when Winter laced their hand through his and pressed it to his chest. 

“Goodnight, Nikoshi,” they mumbled into the back of his neck. It took every ounce of his will to control the full-body shudder the heat of their breath elicited. There really would be no sleep tonight for him, would there? 

Amalia woke first. Normally she’d be content to lay there between her dads but today was Saturday and on Saturdays, she watched Fish Hooks with Niko. She scrambled out of bed, careful not to hit either of her dads on her way out. She padded across the hall to his room. The door was wide open and Niko was nowhere to be found. Her chest tightened as she tiptoes downstairs. The living room and kitchen were empty too. 

The door alarm chimed and Amalia rushed to the foyer in time to see Winter step in with Niko not far behind. Amalia raced up to her brother and flung her arms around him. 

“Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go,” she chanted. 

“Where?” Niko asked. 

“We’re going to miss Fish Hooks,” Amalia whined as she tugged him towards the living room. A look passed between Niko and Winter. “You’re Imzadi can come too,” Amalia said. Niko made a strangled noise as he looked at her in horror. 

“What’s an Imzadi?” Winter asked, shutting the front door. 

“Friend,” Niko replied quickly. Amalia grinned up at her brother, content to watch him squirm. She took his hand and led him to the living room, Winter trailing behind. The three of them sat down on the couches and watched tv until they heard the familiar shuffling of their father on the steps. Niko went rigid and the memories of the day before flooded her mind. 

Kevin stopped short at the sight of Niko on the couch. Having Niko home was like having a thousand-pound weight taken off his chest but the glare Niko gave him now seemed to weigh even more. 

“Can we... talk?” Kevin asked quietly. He watched as Winter tightened their grip on Niko’s arm but he shook it off as he stood. Kevin followed silently after Niko as they headed for the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing out of his mouth. Niko looked unimpressed. “I’m going to show you something and you can not tell Amalia. She’ll find out in her own time.” With those words, Kevin tugged his shirt off to reveal the mess of scars that ran along his torso. He heard Niko curse under his breath. 

“How-”

“Who,” Kevin corrected. “When I was very young, my mother died and I was sent to live with a friend of hers. Tetsuji Moriyama was not kind to me but his nephew was. Riko was like a brother to me and the only family I’d ever known. There’s a lot of things about the Moriyamas that I need to tell you but now is not the time. Neil and Jean are coming to visit this summer. I’ll tell you everything then, but now, what you need to know is that my brother hurt me. It started with small things: hitting me when he got mad, shoving me when I got in the way, and then it escalated to-” the words caught in Kevin’s throat and he swallowed hard. He shut his eyes then. “To this,” he said, gesturing the scars that crisscrossed his torso and raced down his forearm. He couldn’t bear to look at them.“Riko tried to ruin me and, for a second, I thought that you’d ruin Amalia too.”  

No answer came. Not a verbal one at least. Instead, Kevin felt Niko’s arms wrap around him, crushing him close. Hot tears seared Kevin’s skin. He held Niko tight. 

“I’m not him,” Niko choked out. 

“No,” Kevin agreed. “You’re most definitely not.” 

[steebharringt0n]

cat's in the cradle

infant | toddler | child | teenager | young adult

a 5-part story exploring the relationship between billy hargrove and his first-born son, adam

pairing: billy hargrove x you

rating: t

a/n: i’ve been craving softdad!billy for literally weeks, so this happened (and yes this is based off the song cat’s in the cradle) ....

---

part one - infant

Billy Hargrove was a heavy sleeper.

He could sleep through his alarm clock in high school, he could sleep through Neil screaming at him early Saturday mornings to start up his chores, hell, he could probably sleep through a White Snake concert if he wanted to.

But then Adam came along and suddenly Billy could be woken up by a mouse scurrying through his kitchen floor.

The pregnancy wasn’t planned. You both had just left Hawkins and had finally settled on a small apartment and looked over the San Diego coast. Billy was ecstatic to finally be back in California, while you were just ecstatic to be anywhere else but Hawkins. You had plans, dreams of becoming a teacher - the University of California, San Diego would help you achieve those dreams. You had gotten accepted your senior year and it just fueled you and Billy even more to leave Hawkins.

Billy however, didn’t really have much plans. “I’ll figure it out when I get there” he would huff to you after your much constant badgering. 

You would just roll your eyes. You knew he had a knack for cars, so you urged him to look into automotive classes, something where he could use his hands for good - and not for punching assholes who would hit on you.

You weren’t sure when Adam was conceived. Maybe it was in the back of his camero? Maybe it was the night you both christened your new bedroom? Or that time he decided to literally christen every room (”If you think I’m not going to bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck you from behind ... “). Hell, you weren’t sure. But when your aunt flo decided to stop visiting - panic started to set in.

Logically, you thought through this in a poor effort to keep yourself from freaking out.

Maybe it was the stress of the move? Maybe you just overworked yourself too much? 

But when you ran down the street, hair wild and eyes wide, to the nearest pharmacy, and you held the pregnancy box in your trembling hands, you knew.

Call it a motherly instinct, but you knew you were pregnant - and Billy Hargrove’s dick was the reason for it.

You slammed down a ten dollar bill to the cashier and ran back up to your apartment. Billy was out meeting with old friends - you knew he wouldn’t be back for a while. So you were left alone, alone with a pregnancy test with 2 pink strips in your ugly yellow bathroom.

After reading said positive pregnancy test, you proceeded to bond with your toilet, expelling all of your breakfast from earlier in the morning.

There were a couple of things that instantly came into your mind soon after:

1. your dreams of becoming a teacher were effectively put on pause 2. this apartment was not big enough for a baby 3. how the hell were you going to tell Billy?

The thoughts continued to swirl around your head as you continued to bond with your toilet - but you knew the biggest challenged that poised itself to you was telling your mullet haired-anger prone-’I hate kids’ boyfriend who you knew would not be the slightest bit happy that you were carrying his little spawn.

A little Billy. The image of a little boy with dirty blonde curls and a wide smile popped into your mind. Leaning against your bathroom door, your hand instinctively reached down and placed it against your belly. 

Call it another motherly instinct - but you knew it was going to be a boy.

“Hey little guy ... whether your dad loves you or not, I’m going to love you” you spoke softly to the little being inside of you.

Your happy baby thoughts were shattered when you heard Billy walk in through the front door. You glanced at the pregnancy test in your hand - well, it was now or never. Putting on your best brave face, you stood up and stomped right over to him.

He stared at you, his blue eyes wide in surprise as you shoved the pregnancy test in his hand.

“Listen, I know you don’t want kids - hell, I know you hate kids, but this is our baby, my baby, and I’m keeping it”

You ended with a huff, crossing your arms and avoiding his soft gaze. You fully expected him to leave, to pack up his stuff and scram out of here.

But Billy Hargrove is full of never-ending surprises.

“You’re pregnant?” he squeaked out.

You turned to look at him and your expression soften. Your arms fell to your side as you let out an loud exhale from your nose, “Well ... yeah, we’ve fucked like non-stop these last couple of months”

Billy stood quiet.

You stood quiet.

Everything was suddenly quiet.

You continued to stare at him as his eyes never left the pink pregnancy test in his hand.

Fuck he was going to become a father.

“I don’t want to be like Neil” he suddenly blurted out. 

Your shoulders relaxed and you let out a soft sigh. You felt a pang in your heart as he uttered those words. You knew he wouldn’t be like Neil - he had grown so much from the old Billy Hargrove who bullied his way to the top of Hawkins High. He still had his moments but everyday was progress.

You walked over to him and scooped him up in your arms, pressing your head in his chest. He smelt like cigarettes and mints - a familiar scent that comforted you in times of despair.

“You’re never going to be like Neil. You’re going to be a good father, the best. I’ll be with you along the way”

He then proceeded to cup your face and kiss you with so much passion and vigor that you swore that your knees were going to give out.

It wasn’t just you and Billy anymore - it was you, Billy and the baby now.

Plans were suddenly shifted, doctor appointments were suddenly made, and life suddenly turned upside down.

You had decided to defer your acceptance to the University of California. Accepting an office job nearby to start saving up money. Billy started work at the local automotive repair shop. 

The first 20 weeks of your pregnancy were absolutely fantastic. You had the pregnancy glow, and no morning sickness. You were rocking this pregnancy and on top of that, you were horny,

All. The. Time.

You couldn’t keep your hands off of Billy, and he was more happy to help fulfill your needs.

In the shower, in the kitchen, on the couch, on the bed, in the camero, and almost - almost, on the balcony.

At your 20 weeks appointment, your motherly instinct was confirmed. You were indeed having a boy.

A little Billy, and big Billy couldn’t have been any more happier with the news.

Not that he didn’t mind a little girl, someone who looked exactly like you, but he was excited to teach him how to surf, how to fix cars, how to play baseball. Be the father that Neil never was to him.

To say the rest of your pregnancy went smooth sailing was a lie.

Suddenly something went off like a switch in your baby boy and he wouldn’t stop kicking, wouldn’t stop turning, and was giving you so much heartburn you couldn’t eat Mexican food for weeks - and that’s all that you were craving. Your ankles had swollen up, and walking was almost impossible.

“I’m so fat” you sobbed to Billy one night. Your hormones were making you certifiably crazy and all Billy could do was hold you in his arms, peppering kisses all over your head.

“You’re so beautiful, you’re carrying my baby, our baby” he murmured to you, comforting you as best as he could.

Your water broke a couple weeks later and you were laying on the hospital bed, squeezing Billy’s hand so hard that you swore you were going to break it. But he stayed by your side, encouraging you with every push until you both heard the most beautiful scream in the world.

Adam William Hargrove came into this world kicking and screaming, a tuft of dusky blond hair, a set of piercing blue eyes. He looked everything like Billy and nothing like you - not that you minded of course - you knew your bouncing baby boy was going to be a heartbreaker like his father.

You held the little boy in your arms, his arms and legs flailing around as he searched for warmth.

“Hi, hi little guy ... I’m your mom” you cooed to him, your fingers gently combing back his hair.

Billy laid beside you on the hospital bed, holding you in his arms as the both of you gazed down on your little boy in wonder.

10 fingers and 10 toes, he was absolutely perfect. Worth every second of the pregnancy.

2 months later you both settled yourself into a routine with Adam. You’d stay at home while Billy worked, and the afternoons were spent together. Either walking down the boardwalk, heading to the beach, or just hanging inside. The three of you were a little family and every time you saw Billy hold Adam against his chest, you swore your heart was going to explode.

It was one particular night that you could not get Adam to sleep. Relentless, like his father, stubborn, like his mother. It was nearing to be 12 AM and your eyes were begging you to sleep, hell you wouldn’t have mind passing out on the floor but his screams were piercing and you just did not know what to do at this point.

Adam was fed, he was changed, you checked him to see if anything was hurting him.

But nothing, his wailing's still continued.

“C’mon buddy ... what is it? What do you need?” you muttered, gently patting his back as his head laid in the crook of your neck.

Billy suddenly appeared at the door of Adam’s bedroom, leaning his body on the frame of the door. A smirk adorned his face as he watched you in amusement.

“Sleep much?”

“Ha-ha” you deadpanned.

“Here, let me try” he said, walking over and taking Adam from your hands.

“Good luck, I’ve been trying to put him to sleep for the last hour, but if he’s anything like you ... “ you trailed off and he threw you a look.

“I know my son, and I know I can put him to sleep” he teased. You stuck your tongue out at him, wiggling your ass as you waltzed back into your bedroom, throwing yourself to your bed.

“Keep wiggling that ass and Adam will soon have a little brother!” he shouted at you down the hall.

You didn’t answer him as you quickly fell into a deep slumber, finally letting your body dissolve within your bed sheets.

Billy held Adam’s little body with his hand, his other hand cradled his head. He gently rocked him back and forth as his cries still echoed throughout the apartment. An idea suddenly popped into his head, if his son was anything like him, this would instantly put him to sleep.

He walked out into the living room and towards the bookcase that held the millions of records that you and Billy had collected throughout the years of being together. He pulled out Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy, balancing Adam in one hand, and placed it on the record player.

The familiar guitar strum of The Rain Song played quietly throughout the apartment. Billy adjusted Adam in his arms, letting the tiny baby rest his head in his chest as he rocked back and forth to the song, planting small kisses on the top of his head.

But I know that I love you so Oh, but I know That I love you so These are the seasons of emotion And like the wind, they rise and fall

The melody of the song woke you back up - not that you minded, you were curious to see what Billy was up to. All dressed in one of Billy’s button up shirts as your pajamas, you quietly walked over to the living room, peering around the corner as you watched your boyfriend and son sway slowly to the music. You felt tears prick your eyes at the scene unfolding in front of you, it filled your heart with so much love you felt you were about to burst.

Billy glanced up and spotted you, “Well if he’s anything like me, he’d fall asleep to Led Zeppelin ... “ he casually explained. You sauntered over to him, Billy reached his free arm out and pulled you close to him. The both of you slowly swayed together as Adam quietly, and slowly fell asleep on his father’s chest. His eyes fluttering shut as your fingers caressed his chubby cheek.

“See, told ya I could” Billy smirked.

“Keep it up Hargrove and Adam won’t have any siblings” you warned.

Billy let out a chuckle and kissed the top of your head, squeezing you tightly against his body.

Thing didn’t quite necessarily go as the two of you planned, hell things never quite do, but right now, life was as perfect as it could be.

And for right now, that was okay.

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 2: Legends Never Die

Read on Ao3

-

Billy was watching porn when Steve texted.

He’s never clicked out of a video so fucking fast in his life.

The message just read hey, this is steve :) which like, of course, the fucker uses little emoticons. Of course , he types out little smiley faces. It’s so dumb. It’s so cute.

And Billy just stared at it. One hand still on his dick, the other hovering over the keyboard.

What the fuck does he reply?

Obviously, Steve knows it’s Billy. Like. Duh.

So he just tapped out a little Hey.

Steve texted back almost immediately.

you have a good day? Billy found himself grinning maniacally, so he rolled over to hold his pillow close to his chest, burying his chin into it. He didn’t wanna deal with the fact that this stupid adorable cowboy was making him smile and flush. Stupid.

Yeah, it was nice. Way too hot, but nice.

lol try wearing jeans in that heat. sweatin through my damn saddle. Billy laughed into his pillow.

Jesus, you’re such a fuckin hick. Billy bit his tongue when he pressed send.

And Steve just sent back >:(. And God. He’s so cute. Billy. Hates him.

And then Billy’s phone buzzed twice, another brand new text from Steve.

One that made Billy’s heart fucking stop.

i have the day off tomorrow. no tiedown on the schedule. you should come by and we could hang

Which sounded like. A date. It sounded like a fucking date. And Billy wanted to ask. If Steve’s invitation was for a goddamn date.

But like, he can’t just ask. Can he? Is that weird? Okay, maybe he’ll just-

Should I bring Max?

Right? Like if Steve says to bring his little sister, then there’s no way it’s a date. Because, who would want their date to bring their little sister? People who are just hanging out as friends, that’s who.

was hoping it'd just be you and me

And hoo boy. Hoo boy. That’s. That’s a fucking. That’s a date.

Then yeah. Just you and me.

And Steve sent him another little :) because the fucker loves his emoticon smiley faces. They’re not even, like, actual emojis. Steve doesn’t take the time to use fucking apostrophes, but he does type out little faces.

And maybe Billy’s spending too much time thinking about the smiley little shits.

But, like. It’s just. It’s Steve. And it’s a cute fucking thing that Steve does.

Billy’s pretty much obsessed with him by now.

And maybe Billy should ask for, like, a time to meet. But he was halfway through a video and his cock’s still hard and kinda starting to ache, pressed against the mattress where it was. He rolled over, slid his hand back into his shorts, and wrapped his fingers around the base of himself.

So it’s easy just to, slide it up. Run his fingers along his length. Pretend his rough hand is Steve’s rough hand. Pretend the tight vice grip is Steve’s mouth. Hot and slick around him.

He could picture Steve, on his knees in the dirt, those tight fucking jeans beginning to stain at the knees, those big pretty eyes looking at him so reverently, so softly.

And he came all over his hand, pictured those pink pretty lips covered with cum. Imagined scooping it on his fingers, pressing them into Steve’s mouth, making him lick them clean.

It wasn’t even the most depraved fantasy Billy’s ever had. But it was for sure in his top five best orgasms. No doubt about it.

He wiped his hand on the sheets, turning onto his side, staring at the short little conversation with Steve.

Thinking about their fucking date tomorrow.

Max was on his ass the second he woke up.

She cornered him as he was coming out of the bathroom, making him startle and nearly smack her.

“The fuck you doing out here, Shitbrid?”

“What are we doing today?”

“ We aren’t doing shit all. I will be heading out. Soon.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, jutting her jaw in a way he absolutely knows she learned from him.

“Are you going to the rodeo?” she hissed through her teeth at him. “Are you going to see-”

“That’s none ‘a your fuckin’ business.” He pushed past her, lumbering down the hall, almost making it into his bedroom before she slipped inside with him, slapping his elbow and kicking the door closed.

“Are you going on a date ?”

Billy glared at her. He clenched his jaw, speaking through gritted teeth.

“Pretty sure we agreed not to fucking talk about this shit here.”

She pursed her lips, shifting her jaw.

“Just nod or shake your head.”

Billy kept his head very still.

She kicked him once in the shin before stomping out of his room, nearly slamming the door, catching it at the last minute, and closing it quietly.

Neil didn’t approve of doors slamming in his house.

It was rule number. Three probably. First rule was don’t be a smartass. Second rule was don’t be Billy. That was kind of an unspoken rule. But it was there.

And Billy was faced with his newest dilemma.

What does he wear?

Because it’s gonna be another hot fucking day, and his typical date outfits have more, more.

He’s got one clean pair of cut-offs left. Okay. Yes. And he puts on a printed button-up shirt. Leaves it almost all the way unbuttoned, because, like, of course, he does. He’s got a good body. He wants Steve to see it.

He’ll be mostly cool, and he looks better than he did last time he saw Steve.

Black Converse complete the look, and he maybe spends more time than he usually would putting his hair into a ponytail, using one of Max’s bright scrunchies.

She’ll get pissed if she notices it but. Whatever. He steals them from her all the fucking time.

He hasn’t looked at his phone all morning, figured he could head over to the rodeo, and whenever Steve texted, he’d play it cool and act like he wasn’t already there.

But, cowboy hick Steve was obviously an early riser. As the most recent text Billy has is from that cowboy hick Steve. At six. In the morning.

you wanna meet up around ten?

It was currently just past nine.

Does Billy head up there now and wander around the grounds for a bit?

Yes. Yes, he does. Because frankly, he looks gay as fuck in this outfit and he should probably dip before his dad sees.

He sends Steve a thumbs up and the three dots show up almost immediately, showing Steve typing.

you got a car right? can you pick me up outside of the parking lot? i gotta get outta here

And Fuck. Billy knows that feeling.

No problem. You wanna get breakfast? I know a good diner if you’re into that kinda thing.

hell yeah im into that :)

Ah, yes. There was that little happy face just in time to give Billy lots of nice heart palpitations.

Great. That’s what he needs. To get sappy and gross over Steve’s emoticons. Again.

He slipped out of his house without interference, taking a lap around the block just to kill time before setting off to the fairgrounds.

He was trying to make his car look presentable, shoving the few gum wrappers Max left by the gear shift into his pocket, brushing off any stray cigarette ash with one of the baby wipes in the glove box.

And by the time he reached the fairgrounds, he saw Steve skulking along the front of the parking lot, hopping over cracks in the sidewalk like the cutest little bunny.

It was the most adorable thing in the fucking world.

Billy pulled up next to him, blaring the horn and watching Steve startle at the sound.

He was wearing cut-off denim shorts like Billy’s, and a goddamn crop top. It had the silhouette of a horse on its hind legs, its mane flowing in the wind behind it, and Harrington American Rodeo brandished across his chest. It was cut just at his waistline, where his body nipped in right above his hips.

Steve smiled his pretty smile at Billy, just about skipping around the front of the car to slide into the passenger seat.

And Billy tried not to think about how fucking good Steve looked in the passenger seat of his car, those long fucking legs all on display, his thighs, thick and pale, covered in dark hair.

“Hi,” Steve was leaning with one elbow on the center console, putting himself in Billy’s space, and Billy was thankful for his dark aviator sunglasses, as his eyes went wide and probably panicked with Steve moving in so close.

Because if Steve was leaning in to kiss him, that kinda feels like a lot. And Billy’s not a prude, not by any means but he's, he’s got lines, and rules, and-

Steve just knocked his head into Billy’s shoulder, leaning back to buckle his seatbelt, like headbutting Billy’s shoulder was casual and normal.

And fuck.

Billy’s in so deep for this guy he barely fucking knows.

All he could do was push the car forward, and will away the flush on his cheeks. And pretend like he hadn’t jerked off to the person sitting next to him less than twelve hours ago.

“So. Billy. Tell me about yourself.” Steve shifted in his seat, turning to look right at Billy. “All I know is that you’ve got a kid sister, a cool car, and that you’re really hot.”

Billy smirked, turning to look at Steve over his glasses, found Steve biting his bottom lip demurely.

“Well, there’s not much else to know .”

“Oh, come on. Where are you from? How old are you? Shit, probably shoulda asked that sooner. Please, tell me you’re not fifteen or something.”

“I’m literally driving, right now. And relax, Pretty Boy. I’m eighteen next month.”

“Okay. Okay, good. I’m eighteen, by the way. Just so you know, that I’m not fifteen.” Billy shook his head, rolling his eyes with a smile. “But I still want answers to the other questions.”

“Well, I’m from here. Born and raised in San Diego. Uh, I graduated high school in May. And I work at the diner I’m about to take you to, which might be the lamest shit in the world, but they have good pancakes.”

“I like pancakes.” Steve was fiddling with some of the knobs in the car, turning the air conditioner up and down. Billy was just resisting slapping his hand away.

And then he reached for the volume knob on the radio, turning up the Ratt Billy had playing, and audibly scoffed.

“God, I should’ve known you liked this .”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Just, you know. Sex charged drug-fueled hair metal.”

“Oh my God. What in the fuck ?” He gave Steve as incredulous a look as he could muster. “Are you a housewife from the fifties?”

Steve gave one of his excellent bright laughs at Billy, and Billy’s gut got a little bit gay and a little bit fluttery.

“Alright, Stevie. I’ll bite. What kinda music are you into? And if you say country I’m blowing my fuckin’ brains out.”

“Well, unfortunate then because, yeah. Fuckin’ country, man. Although, I prefer folk.”

“See, you call my music sex-charged and drug-fueled, at least I’m not listening to posers rant about their tractors.”

“Oh, no. I hate that shit as much as you do. I mean like, Johnny Cash. Willie Nelson, you know? Emmylou Harris, Marty Robbins, Miss Dolly. The good stuff. There’s like, a few modern artists that are doing the same kinda thing that I like. It’s all just stories and good music.”

“That’s all my music is. Stories set to music. And, you say my shit is drug-fueled, you do know that Willie Nelson is famous for being a stoner? And that Johnny Cash publicly dealt with addiction and all that?”

“Well, yeah, but they’ve got class.”

“Okay, Cowboy. I’ll let you die on that fuckin’ hill while I party it up on mine to some eighties metal.”

And Steve reached out to shove Billy lightly, laughing while he did it.

“Agree to fucking disagree then. Just take me to pancakes and don’t try to reason with me about shitty music.”

“Then change the subject. Tell me other things about you besides your terrible music taste.”

Steve leaned back in his seat, blowing out a puff of air.

“Uh, I mean. Jeez. I don’t do much besides the rodeo, you know? Just movin’ all over the country.”

“That must be. Exhausting.”

Steve reached out to brush his fingers against the dashboard mindlessly.

“It’s not so bad. I try to make friends in the towns, you know? Makes it kinda fun.”

“Where were you born?”

“Indiana. Really small town. My mom and I stayed there for three years while my father traveled around. I’ve been on the road since.”

“Holy shit. Since you were three? Did you, like, go to school?”

“No. Uh, I actually have a tutor that’s on the road with us, and I’m. You know. Supposed to get my high school diploma soon. I’m behind schedule since,” he waved his hand flippantly. He was staring at his lap, playing with the frayed hem of his shorts. And Billy was grasping for another subject as Steve’s cheeks went red. Because obviously school, had struck a nerve.

“What kinda horse is June?”

“She’s an American quarter horse. That’s the usual type for most rodeo events. They’re good ranch horses because they’re a little more compact. I’ve been with June for five years now, and she’s a beast. I’ve got two others with me, on rotation so that none of them get too tired doing the shows over and over. June, Patsy, and Loretta. They’re all quarter horses, and each one is only about fourteen and a half hands tall. I like my horses a bit smaller for tie-down.”

“I understood, honestly, like, nothing of what you just said.”

Steve tossed his head back, laughing loudly over the radio at Billy’s confusion.

He laughed a lot.

Billy liked it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you rodeo slang. You’ll be a natural,” Steve said, reaching out to where Billy’s right hand was resting on the gearshift, wrapping his finger’s around Billy’s wrist.

“What about their names?”

“All ladies of country. Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, and June Carter. Carter-Cash, I guess. She married Johnny but had a career in her own right.”

“Jesus, you’re a fuckin’ hick.”

“You’ve said that before. Just because I’m in the rodeo-”

“No, it’s because you’re in the rodeo, and listen to country music, and wear fucking cowboy boots -”

“They are literally made for riding horses, okay? That’s why they were invented .”

Billy rolled his eyes again, but he was smiling brightly as he pulled into the diner parking lot.

It wasn’t too busy for a Sunday morning. Billy bets it’ll pick up in an hour or so for the brunch crowd.

He began working at the diner three years ago, bussing tables and washing dishes, getting paid under the table because technically, he was too young to work. He was a server now, usually taking the evening dinner shifts to miss that time when his dad was home from work.

The bell jingled above their heads as Billy held the door open for Steve, and Billy stuck his tongue out at the kitchen staff, leaning over the counter to swipe a few menus from the stack.

He led Steve to a booth in the back corner, waving at Lorraine, the older woman who was working their section, gesturing to the booth for Steve to take a seat.

“Wow. You’ve totally got this place on lock.”

Billy grinned at him, leaning against the wall to stretch his legs up on the booth next to him.

“I’ve worked here a few years. Kinda done all the staff positions. It’s a nice place.”

“Well, then what do you recommend?” Steve carefully opened the laminated menu, his big eyes flicking over the pictures on the side of every dish.

“Pancakes are good, so are the waffles though, if you’re into that. I like the full breakfast. Eggs, bacon or sausage, hash browns, pancakes, or toast. Kinda the best of everything.”

Steve snapped his menu shut, smiling softly at Billy.

“I’m trusting you with my breakfast here. It better be good .”

Lorraine approached their table, already pouring Billy a cup of coffee and sliding it to him along the table.

“You really love us that much you find your way in here on your day off?”

“Only you, Lorraine. Everybody else can fuck off for all I care.”

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at Billy.

“You want the usual cook-up?”

“Yes, please.”

She took his unopened menu, turning and smiling brightly at Steve.

“What can I get for you, Darling.”

Steve’s eyes were wide when he looked up at her, his cheeks starting to flush.

“Uh, just, the same as Billy, please.”

“You want a coffee?”

“No, Ma’am. Just a water for me please.” He handed his menu back, giving her a bright smile, his cheeks a soft rosy red.

Lorraine winked at Billy, nodding her head once in Steve’s general direction. Billy waved her off before she could say something embarrassing.

“Sorry, I get kinda weird sometimes.” Steve had pulled a napkin out of the dispenser on their table and was looking down at it, tearing off little chunks and rolling them into balls.

“That’s okay. Lorraine gets it. Plus, you were polite, and that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t be caught dead with you if you were an ass to servers.”

“Oh, God. My dad is such an ass when it comes to, really any staff. Like, servers, or, frankly, most of the people that work for him. Don’t even get me started on the animal carers. I mean, that’s probably the most important job at the whole rodeo, and he’s been trying to dock pay left, right, and fucking center.” Steve rolled his big eyes, huffing like Max.

“Wait, so your dad is like, the head of the whole operation?”

“My name is Steve Harrington,” and Steve pointed at his shirt, the name Harrington emblazoned over the horse.

“Oh damn. I thought that name was familiar when I saw the shirt. Figured I had just seen the rodeo name or something.”

“Nope. That’s me. A whole Harrington. My great-grandpa started the rodeo. He was, like, an actual ranch hand. Started one in the town we’re from. My grandpa was the one who got the idea to take it on the road. My dad came up through it like I did. He was in steer roping. And basically, his end goal is that I start running the whole show in a few years. Take over for him.”

“And, you don’t want to?”

“Nah. I don’t really have a brain for business. Don’t have a brain for much other than riding and tie-down, honestly. Don’t know the first thing about how to run a traveling rodeo.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Steve smiled at him, but his eyes seemed sad, and his smile was tight.

“You got plans for next year? College or anything?”

“Nah. I think college is, on the horizon, but I’m taking a gap year. Saving up to move out and pay for school and everything. Probably gonna go to community college to save some money. And then maybe grad school?”

“That’s smart, you know? Finding ways to save up. My dad is debating pushing college on me. Like, if I do run the business, there’s some shit I should know going into it, right? But I think he also sees that I’m way too dumb for college, and, like, I don’t need a degree to get hired. I’ll just,” Steve made an upwards sweeping gesture with his right hand. A gesture that Billy understood to vaguely mean nepotism.

“What would you rather do? If not run the thing.”

“I like tie-down, and I could feasibly do it for a long time. I could branch into other events, too, like steer roping and all that. Same idea as calf roping but a different animal. Literally. It’s a steer. But I’d be content just doing the events until I croak. I have absolutely no desire to rise through the ranks, or whatever.” Steve rolled his eyes, balling up the little napkin wads he had made into another napkin from the dispenser. Billy appreciated it. He’s had to clean up crap like that from this very floor. “I just love being around the rodeo. The animals and all the people. I don’t really wanna be anywhere else.”

“At least you have something you love. Like, you’d be happy to do that for the rest of your life, and not in an I’ve got nothing better to do way, but in an, I’m passionate about this way. A lot of people don’t really. Get that.” Billy included.

It’s not that he doesn’t have passions, it’s just that they’re not necessarily sustainable to him.

He knows he’s dangling by a thread with his father. Knows after his eighteenth birthday, he should be ready to be kicked out or asked to pay rent at any time. He needs a career that’ll get him some fucking money if he wants to get out and cut off his dad entirely. He can’t be forced to go crawling back to him because he wanted to self-publish his gay ass poetry that never took off or drum in a rock band that went nowhere.

To name a few.

“Yeah, I mean. Sometimes I think that I probably would’ve never set foot in a rodeo if I wasn’t literally born into one, so I kinda wonder who I’d be if this wasn’t everything I knew, but I still really love doing it, and it’s something that I’m actually good at, which speaks volumes.”

They were interrupted by Lorraine returning, placing two identical plates in front of them, a glass of water for Steve, and pulling hot sauce and ketchup out of her apron pocket.

“You two let me know if you need anything else.”

Steve beamed at her, thanking her softly and Billy’s heart fluttered like a stupid idiot.

They tucked in, Steve shoving food into his mouth until his cheeks were bulging, chewing aggressively. It made Billy laugh and nearly spew coffee all over the table.

“I figured you’d have better manners, being the heir to a rodeo dynasty or whatever.”

Steve pulled a face, showing Billy the chewed-up food in his mouth.

“How’s that for manners?”

It was actually fucking funny watching him try to swallow everything stuffed in his mouth.

“It’s borderline painful watching you eat.”

Billy laughed as Steve flicked a piece of scrambled egg at him. It landed on his shoulder. Billy slurped it right off his shirt.

“See! Now, who's the one with no table manners?”

“Still you, Sugar. Still you.”

Breakfast was, like, actually fun.

Not that Billy was expecting it to be shitty, but he wasn’t expecting it to be as carefree, as easy, as it was. He and Steve just, kinda, clicked.

Steve was easy to talk to. He was easy to listen to, easy to laugh with, and even easier to look at.

He’s kinda, everything Billy has ever wanted in a person.

He slid his hand into Billy’s as they were leaving the diner, smiling shyly at Billy when he looked over at him.

And Billy stopped in his tracks, right there in broad daylight, tugging Steve by his hand closer to Billy’s body, sliding his hands up his arms, feeling over Steve’s shoulders, and down his back to settle on his hips. Steve wrapped both arms around Billy’s shoulders, leaning closer to him, almost pressing his whole body against Billy’s.

And it was easy. Kissing Steve was just as easy as talking to him, as laughing with him, as looking at him. It was simple and nice and made Billy feel something he really didn’t want to put too much thought into.

Something that was decidedly not easy.

They pulled away from one another, both their lips red and slick.

Billy opened the passenger door, and Steve folded himself into the seat with a ridiculous amount of grace.

And as Billy drove them aimlessly through the city, he tried not to think of the expiration date on this whole thing, on the dates listed on the back of Steve’s t-shirt.

They’ve got a little under a month together.

And Billy was determined to make that the best goddamn month of both of their natural lives.

[darkestwolfx]

Relic - Re-Review #15

“Leonids again? I figured they’d be back one of theses days.”

Here we go again!

I adore this opening image of a family looking to the skies.It fits them so well for there are no reasons why they wouldn’t be watching a meteor shower considering their background.

“A full on meteor shower and here you are starring at the moon. Not that I’m surprised. Your Father was the same way before he became an astronaut.”

“Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like for Neil Armstrong to land there a hundred years ago.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not that old.”

I think I remember having a continuity/timeline debate when I first reviewed this - which I’m not going to do for now - you can re-read the original if you’re looking for it.

Grandma trying to serve the cookies haha!

And everyone else in the background just to prove that they exist still because they will not be the main focus of the episode.

Does Scott actually have an ear piece? This question has been bugging me for a while...

“Base to Thunderbird Five. Everything alright up there, John?”

“I’m fine, but we may have a situation developing. According to my readings, this meteor shower is about to become a perfect storm. I’m showing multiple debris fields projected to hit the far side of the moon, right on top of Shadow Alpha One.”

“Dad’s old moon base?”

“Captain Taylor is still up there. If we don’t get up there soon, Dad’s best friend is history.”

Can I just ask, again... where has EOS disappeared to? Writers, please remember when you add in characters.

“Thunderbirds are go! Sorry did you want to say that?”

“Forget it.”

So much to say about this episode, there really is, what with all the backstory dynamics and the character interactions! We’ll get there at some point, I’m certain, even if I do have to mostly quote the episode.

Lee staying there even after the base was decommissioned makes perfect sense to me. It seems like exactly the sort of thing his character would be inclined to do - even before we knew retirement wasn’t really for him. He was Jeff’s best friend after all, has to be a certain level of madness there.

“What’s this guys story?”

“He and Dad were part of the original team that built the base. You may be too young to remember, Alan, but Captain Taylor used to assist International Rescue when we were first starting out.”

“And the stories he could tell about life in space were pretty wild! Even by dad’s standards. Taylor literally wrote the book on lunar survival.”

“Problem is, that book was written a long time ago.”

It makes perfect sense that Lee would have assisted IR in the beginning too - you couldn’t keep a secret like that from your best friend. Not to mention the boys would have been a little too young to jump straight into the business without some help.

“Tell me again how simple the landing will be?”

“Urr, I miss Earth!”

That whole sequence was hilarious!

For some reason, the music was a surprise to me. I wouldn’t have had Captain Taylor down as a classics guy.

“You must have grown two feet since I last saw you.”

Scott’s six foot two, so he was probably just over four feet tall last time Lee saw him, so probably around 7-14 (according to children’s clothes manufacturers).

“And what do you make of our chances, Captain?”

“Hmm... 70-30.”

“Oh, 70-30... Which way?”

Um, Scott, really? Do you really need to ask that...

It’s like playing a video game! They should have had Alan down there to help out! No seriously, Alan would have loved to be in Scott’s seat.

“I just can’t give up on it.”

“Look around you, Captain. Don’t you think Alfie’s given up on you? Why are you trying to keep it running.”

“Because it’s my home, Scott. This base is a part of me and I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet.”

It would be hypocritical to not understand that.

John working on an algorithm like that is awesome, although once again, EOS could have helped with that, no? Still, he’s very smart to be able to make something like that up so quickly.

“What did I tell you? There’s nothing this base can’t handle- no, no-”

Maybe Scott picked up that speaking too soon trait from Lee as opposed to Jeff, because he definitely doesn’t seem like the sort of man to rush ahead. Lee on the other hand. And it does seem that Scott and John remember him best, so...

Lee helping Scott! That is the sort of parental interaction we’ve been missing with Jeff gone - I mean we see Scott helping everyone else, but there are few people he’ll turn to so that was just a lovely moment to add in in my opinion.

He got John’s name on a second attempt! Well done, Lee!

But didn’t anyone ever teach Scott to leave things behind in an emergency? A jet pack of all things is not worth dying for. John made your chances of that very clear too.

”Lose something?”

”Thanks Captain.”

“Don’t mention it. Your Father did the same for me once. Nice jet pack by the way. You know I designed that model.”

“Does it come in blue?”

I’m guessing not Scott if you have it in grey, but hey, good on him for asking.

“Your dad always thought the flames were a little too much.”

“I like them. I like them a lot.”

Trust Scott to like them.

“I’ll drive.”

I love the way Lee just folded his arms and waited, like he knew.

“Let’s see... huh... uh, I don’t know what any of this does... You know what, on second thoughts, it’s your ride, Captain.”

And trust Captain Taylor to put a turbo onto lunar transport. it reminded me of Jeremiah Tuttle’s truck in ‘The Imposters’ (pictured right).

“Get ready to turn left.”

“A Tracy boy back in command. It’s just like old times.”

“Turn right. Turn left.”

“Make up your mind, kid.”

“FAB.”

“What does that stand for again?”

Take a guess, Taylor, you can’t go too far wrong!

Nice way to pull off a rescue, with ejector seats.

“So long, Alfie. Thanks for all the memories.”

Rescue count: 20

Little story to finish off with. I love Captain Taylor’s stories;

“So, there we were: Lee Taylor and eff Tracy, facing down a solar flare two hundred metres wide! When all of a sudden your father got the idea to head for a nearby asteroid belt. I said, ‘Jeff what are you crazy? You’re nuts!’”

Well now we know where Alan got it from. Jeff really shouldn’t have been surprised that the kid could fly.

Let’s do a little name count as well. I think I did this before, but hey, it’s fun;

Spencer, Cecile, Jim,

[lesbianrobin]

Im dying to know, do you have any holiday-themed Steve, Robin, Party, etc. headcanons?

god you KNOW i do!!! first of all i celebrate christmas and i dont rly know anything about other holidays this time of year so im just gonna... work on the assumption that they all celebrate christmas, but if anyone who doesnt celebrate or celebrates something else wants to reblog and add their own hcs i encourage it!!! okay this is gonna be so scattered but:

steve never really liked christmas very much. it was always just stressful and he hated having to spend time with his family and he always got like the most generic expensive boring gifts from his parents and it just wasn't really fun... the first christmas he really got into it was the christmas he spent with nancy and after they broke up, he was like oh christmas just fucking sucks!! but then...

that next christmas dustin invites him over for christmas eve and he brings a pie that he bought from the grocery store and claudia thanks him a million times and he wishes that he'd baked it himself so he didn't feel so guilty

dustin gives him a little baseball bat ornament and claudia is like "oh i thought you played basketball!" and steve is like "oh uh i do but i like baseball too :)" and he and dustin kinda smile at each other and steve ruffles his hair and they watch rudolph on tv and steve is like oh christmas.... is good......

speaking of dustin he always starts thinking about christmas gifts in like october but somehow ends up with absolutely nothing on december 20th and he has to run around in a panic finding gifts for the party

he drinks hot chocolate like a maniac... he doesnt drink water the entire month of december it's hot chocolate or it's nothing

hes one of those people who will say "come on it's christmas!!!" on like the tenth

lucas is one of those people who will say "no asshole it's december tenth"

lucas loves christmas!! he just thinks that it's a day and not a whole fucking month!!! he thinks anything before like december 15th is too much

the only thing he hates about christmas is that his parents always make him and erica pick out gifts for each other with no help from them... and since erica is an evil genius she always gets lucas the perfect gift just so she can hold it over his head for the entire year when he accidentally gets her a toy she already owns

she literally watches him open his present like >:) and lucas is pissed when it's this extremely specific action figure that he's wanted for a long time but he swears he never even mentioned it to anybody

and then he just sits there feeling like a stupid asshole as she unwraps a random doll that lucas figured she might like since its hair looks kind of sort of vaguely like erica's and she's like "thanks lucas :) i think i have this one already but it's sweet" and his parents are like "hey it's the thought that counts! erica see your brother knows what you like :)" and she's like "yeah :)" and then as soon as their parents aren't looking she sticks her tongue out at lucas and he sticks his out back at her

the sinclairs have such a disgustingly perfect christmas like they bake cookies together and shit it's adorable

speaking of adorable families the byers house is so full of love on christmas

almost all of the ornaments on their tree are handmade little crafts from when will and jonathan were younger and they buy tinsel at the dollar store and just go fucking ham with it their tree always looks like a hobby lobby threw up

growing up joyce would usually try to get them some things they need on christmas and then like one or two special things for each of them and she could never buy the fancy new toys that were in all the ads on tv and in magazines but she knows her boys.... jonathan got his first camera on christmas and it was from a secondhand store and kind of dinged up and definitely old as shit but he loved it..... will always got some new construction paper and crayons or markers so by the end of christmas day joyce would have new drawings to put up on the fridge or a new little ornament that he made for her.....

sometime in november jonathan would always be like "okay will i have a secret mission for you, you need to find out something mom needs that we could give her for christmas!" and will would be like "you have to say your mission should you choose to accept it" and jonathan would say "well i know you're gonna accept the mission" and will's like "jonathannnnn" and jonathan would be like "okay fine your mission should you choose to accept it" and will would be like >:) im a spy >:)

so little baby will would action roll around the house humming the mission impossible theme and peeking around walls at joyce and then after like a week he'd say "i think mom needs a stool she keeps jumping to try and reach stuff high up in the cabinets" and jonathan's like awesome thanks and he finds a cheap folding stool and some chocolates that he can afford with whatever money he has saved up and he has will wrap it because he figures it's like ten times cuter that way and joyce cries when she sees the little christmas card will put with the stool for her

i'm going way more in depth than i need to thvjdjcd but basically the byers house is all love man... so much love ..... they don't use colored lights anymore they only use the solid strands but they still have fun decorating together and will makes paper chains and stuff to hang up and i'm about to make myself cry

so!! this is getting super long fjvndmcmd

nancy is absolute dogshit at buying presents for people she's just terrible at it. she always just asks mike and holly and her parents what they want and buys exactly what they tell her and if they don't tell her anything then she has like a mental breakdown about it and panics and buys like. a flannel pajama gift set from the department store.

when she's dating steve he tells her not to worry about getting him anything which she takes at face value until her mom asks what she's giving steve like three days before christmas and then she starts panicking and she goes to a sporting goods store and just asks the first employee she sees what a teenage boy who plays basketball might like

steve can't tell if he should be like happy or vaguely offended that his girlfriend gave him like shoe deodorizers and a water bottle and socks for a sports team that he doesn't root for... she tried though and thats all he cares about

she and jonathan agree they'll exchange gifts but nothing over like MAX fifteen bucks which is easy she just finds a tape or a record she thinks he'll like and she's set (she spends a full hour in the music store and almost just gets a gift certificate for him but eventually she just says fuck it and picks some random shit she's never heard of and hopes he likes whatever it is)

mike on the other hand is actually like... insanely good at gift giving because he pays close attention to the people he cares about and he just like Knows if lucas or dustin or will is gonna like something

he just doesnt really buy into christmas all that much?? it's cool to get free stuff and eat cookies and all but he thinks people make it into a bigger deal than it should be

holly still believes in santa though so he likes seeing how excited she gets on christmas... it warms his cold tween boy heart.....

the first christmas he gets to spend with el he turns into a fucking christmas enthusiast and he makes her hot chocolate and gives her a tape full of christmas songs and he asks his mom for a bigger gift allowance because he has a GIRLFRIEND now and she's never- uh, THEY'VE never celebrated christmas TOGETHER so it has to be SPECIAL MOM!!!!

karen is like buddy calm down but it's so nice to see him excited about something again that she caves and gives him like forty bucks and tells him not to tell nancy or his dad

el and hopper christmas... i cannot go into detail or i WILL cry but hopper takes her with him to pick out their tree and she's so meticulous about it like examining all of them and he's just standing there in the cold freezing his ass off letting her do her thing because she's so excited that he doesn't have the heart to tell her they're basically all the same and to just hurry up and pick one

he gives her a lot of books... there are so many books under their ugly fucking tree because el picks one thats extremely crooked because she says it seems nice and hopper cant find any of his old decorations so they have to start from scratch...

el enlists the whole party for help finding hopper a present because it has to be the best present of all time!!!! they're like well what does he like and she's like uh tv.... coffee.... gun...... and they're like uh we can get him a coffee mug?

so on christmas morning el presents him with a "BEST DAD" mug full of candy and he hugs her so she won't see that he's fucking crying

she also gives max a drawing she did of max as wonder woman and it isn't very good but max says it's her favorite present she's ever gotten and she keeps it folded up in her nightstand

max has mixed feelings about christmas

i should not have saved her for last this is depressing

fuck her family fuck all of that okay max spends christmas eve with the sinclairs and christmas day with el because her mom and neil don't really feel like celebrating this year and so for the first time in a long time her christmas is full of love and joy and hopper makes them cinnamon rolls for breakfast which el has never had before and it's great

the party usually does a big gift swap and they don't get each other anything too fancy or expensive but it's sweet... they all gather in mike's basement like the day after christmas and eat the leftovers from the wheelers' christmas dinner and give each other comics and action figures and dice

once robin enters the picture she and steve lowkey get smashed on christmas eve together off peppermint schnapps and they play rockin around the christmas tree like ten times and jump around until they get dizzy...

they give each other little things like every other day leading up to christmas so by the end of december they've exchanged gifts like ten times but it isn't their FAULT okay!!! steve just saw these earrings and thought of her so he got them... and robin couldn't just leave that wham! crop top sitting in the store...... and steve couldn't resist the cheap bff necklaces he found while looking for a gift for erica....... and what is robin meant to do, ignore the stuffed kermit doll she saw in a store window?

it's just unrealistic

i like to think that everybody gathers at the byers house for lunch or dinner on christmas eve... they just hang out and exchange presents and make cookies and watch christmas movies and argue over which ones suck and which ones are actually good...... they just spend time together without any fear or danger and it's good