#like konan was 35 when she dies

[narutocharacterpolls]

Bad news about Yahiko...wiki says he was 15

Nooooo he’s described as being 24 or something like that as the body of Pein, so he died when he was 24. Kishi messed up on his age at one point but calculated out, and stated in canon at a different point he had to have been an adult when he died. I think the original Akatsuki would have been formed when he was around 18ish or something like that. That’s Kishi for you though 😭

[mixelation]

In your last ask about Tori being reborn into Naruto, one of the tags mentions the akatsuki being reborn? Do you mind going into that? As in the akatsuki being reborn into different villages after they die?

no, the premise is more like a time travel fic where the time travelers end up in their younger bodies. so the akatsuki are still themselves but now they have.... Future Knowledge(tm). i've been going back and forth a lot on how this would change their decision making processes because obviously some of them could have huge effects on the canon plot. kakuzu, for example, is old enough he could probably prevent any ninja village from being founded in he played his cards right.

some ideas:

i am intrigued by the idea of kakuzu killing hashirama and preventing konoha from ever happening, but also this isn't the story to explore that. instead he decides to fuck off and be a missing-nin earlier, because he doesn't want to fuck with his village any more than he has to

hidan makes zero changes to his life. good job, hidan

sasori still makes himself a puppet, but maybe does it when he's older? like i feel like when i was 16 i was like "yeah, being a teenager forever is a good idea" but as an adult i'm like "but sasori would be so hot if he actually looked 35?" also he might get taller. so i think with the wisdom of age he might wait a bit. i also feel like he might have the motivation/ability to interfere in how the war that killed his parents went (i think it was the second one?) but that's another moving piece i'm still rotating

i haven't decided how this is going to play out in plasticity, but for this AU let's say konan and pein understand zetsu/obito's roles in ruining the world. they preemptively murder obito, oops. depending on how they do this (and how aware minato is of how obito died), it means ame's relationship with konoha could look REAL different. also not 100% sure what i want to do with yahiko/ame in general. still rotating this part

konan and pein's intervention does mean minato & kushina are still alive and kicking. itachi is confused but he's going with this. danzo's still a slimeball but the massacre isn't really on the table anymore. i'm also leaning towards a scenario where itachi is really, really bad at pretending to be A Normal Child and ends up in ANBU even earlier and is confused about why he's unhappy with this

without obito around to brainwash the mizukage, kiri is more stable and kisame is just chugging along there (although he's firmer about turning down some missions--- and good enough no one can really argue with him)

Deidara's origin story in Plasticity is that his family is just some farmers with proto-mouth hands and Iwa is paying them to churn out a bunch of children to see if they can make a new bloodline limit. Some of the gamete donors are likely ninja, but Deidara was born on a farm and not slorped up into the Iwa system never to see his family again until he was Academy age. Post time travel, Deidara remembers family never paid much attention to him, and he has no reason to want to go back to Iwa, so he just runs away at like age 5

The crux of all this is that none of them actually knows the entire akatsuki has time traveled. Like Nagato and Konan obviously know the other one time traveled and everyone is aware this timeline is Different, but it hasn't occurred to anyone to seek out other members and they don't bump into each other organically because they're all in very different parts of the world. Since she's the main character, obviously Tori gets to the catalyst for people running into each and pointing like the spiderman meme

Since Tori doesn't HAVE a family in Ninjaland to be reborn into, she's brought up as an orphan in a ninja clan that unaffiliated with any village. I just like the idea that there's still some of these kicking around. Since she's not a real part of the family, she gets treated like shit and doesn't really get formal ninja training. B U T the family heads are entering Cahoots with Orochimaru and he's like: what's this? Spare orphans???

Orochimaru obviously eventually completely fucks over the family (maybe they have some interesting kekkai genkai/jutsu he just runs off with while their home burns), but Tori knows exactly what to say and how to act to get into his good graces. But ALSO she's acutely aware she's playing a very dangerous game and abandons ship a few years later, preferably in a very dramatic way where she screws over Orochimaru as much as she can.

(Revenge? She's not worried about that. This is only endearing herself to him.)

I'm going back and forth on what her ~abilities~ are, but I want to keep that she has no elemental affinity. I also can't see her as someone whose gut reaction to a situation would be "I can fight my way out of this" even if she's technically been trained to be competent at it. What she DOES have is a new and creative ways to push the field of fuinjutsu forward. Also toyed around with the idea of misappropriating medical jutsu to fuck shit up? she is not a taijutsu specialist but you should not fight her hand-to-hand, oops

(also, yes, she can throw knives now)

Tori is right between Deidara and Itachi in age so I was thinking while she's wandering around as a 12 year old feral ninja or whatever she is, she somehow runs into Deidara? And then something goes EXTREMELY WEIRD and they both end up in Konoha. This Deidara is technically affiliated with Iwa, but he was never one of them and he's obviously a genius, so I think most of Konha leadership would be like :EYES EMOJI: at him? Tori was affiliated with Konoha's scariest missing-nin, so.... that's suspicious, but also something something she's deidara one friend and that kid needs someone else's braincell.

so, my EXTREMELY convoluted and cracktastic take was then: Minato needs to do something super sneaky at a Chunin Exam for some reason. He wants to send in a fake genin team as entrants, but he'd prefer to use younger shinobi so there's less suspicion. Kushina has been bugging him for a genin team for years. He gives her the extra super special DISASTER team of Itachi, Deidara and Tori*

*tbh i don't super like kushina but i like the idea of her as tori's mentor. their personalities are VERY different but i think kushina would ave a lot of sympathy for a young girl trying to settle into a foreign village, oh and also do you want to do something wild with yogurt

[justsomeoneunordinary]

i just had a 1000 iq brainfart right now.... Konan is Tsunade's secret daughter conceived by experimentation.

just hearme out here, Konan, by the time she died was 35 (accourding to google) and at the time, Tsunade was 54 (again, accourding to google), which means Tsunade could have had Konan when she was in her twenties however, i believe Tsunade would know is she had a kid, so my heory is that somene (either Orochimaro or Danzo or both) managed to somehow steal one or a few of TSunade's eggs and get them artificially insemanted into a surrogate womb, which somehow managed to end up in Ame where Konan was born.

what really ties my theory is Konan's paper power, because paper is made of wood, Hashirama had wood release, Konan was really powerful, Hashirama was really powerful, Konan had really good chakra control, Tsunade also has great chakra control and in the world of Naruto where you blood lineage palys a huge part in how powerfull you either are or can be, those things add too much for Knona to not be related to Hashirama.

that or Hasirama was a man whore before he married Mito, and had a dozen or so bastards and one of them ended up in Ame, a centuru down the line later and we have Konan.

I know what you mean, anon. I once made a shitpost myself pointing out that Konan must have a milder form of the mokuton. It really doesn't make sense otherwise, right? Konan only fights with paper, she even creates paper out of thin air, but paper isn't an element, so that shouldn't be possible - unless, it's either an own kekkei genkai (in which case it would be a little weird that it's never mentioned as such) or a milder form of the mokuton. It doesn't add up otherwise.

That being said, I don't like the thought of Konan being a secret child Tsunade's born from experiments neither know of. That theory makes me uncomfortable, to be honest. If anything I imagine Danzou/Orochimaru using the Hashirama cells to experiment with, although that doesn't quite add up either, since 1. Orochimaru didn't work with Danzou back then yet, and 2. Danzou would've naturally kept the child in root and not let her roam free in Ame.

The closest possibility, if anything, is Madara being the one to do such an experiment, since he 1. had Hashirama cells and 2. was already in Ame to put his Rinnegan eyes into infant Nagato for safekeeping (I'm still not over this, literally what the fuck, Madara), so he may as well have added some Hashirama cells to another child just for shits and giggles...

Any of these theories is super far-fetched either way, but Kishimoto is the one who gave Konan a power that literally defies the rules he set in his own fucking universe. At least he could've attempted to explain Konan's paper no jutsu, but nooo, he really went into this "head empty, cool powers go brrr" and ignored the rules of ninjutsu he himself created.

Actually, the closest possibility is that Konan is a descendant of the Senju, and that's why she has a milder form of the mokuton. That makes far more sense than the other theories lol

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

Naruto hot takes part 2: electric boogaloo

1) Sasuke learning healing would make more sense than Sakura thematically, and much more sense than what the hell happened in canon. 2) It would also make a lot of sense for his character in-universe. 3) On that note: Sakura should have learned genjutsu. 4) Not only would it utilize her skills better, but it would make more sense for her character arc. 5) Ino and Shino should have both been shown using poisons at some point. 6) Oh and they also should have been given actual fights that showed off their skills. Shino especially. 7) Shikamaru’s revenge against Hidan should have happened but should not have been supported. 8) Karin was a great character with a ton of potential. 9) But she shouldn’t have liked Sasuke. 10) The Sand Village is a monarchy as well as a military dictatorship. 11) Also, it was probably colonized at some point, which is why Temari, Gaara, and Kankuro all have light skin with light-colored hair (in Temari and Gaara’s cases) despite living in a desert. 12) Temari was more interesting than Gaara. Specifically in Shippuden. 13) Temari should have become Kazekage. 14) Hinata is literally the only girl from the Konoha 12 who makes sense to learn healing. 15) Literally anyone on Team 7 who isn’t Sakura would make more sense as a healer, thematically and for character arcs, than Sakura. 16) Itachi should have remained a villain. If not a psychopath, he at least should have been called out for how screwed up killing your whole clan over a ‘maybe’ is. 17) Kakashi should have died. 18) If we have to have Team Minato/Team 7 parallels, they should have been Rin/Naruto, Sasuke/Obito, and Sakura/Kakashi. 19) Minato’s actually a bad parent and probably would have been absentee had he stayed alive. 20) Basically Menma from that weird movie which I only watched half of has daddy issues. 21) Shikamaru’s kind of an asshole. 22) Tobirama’s an interesting character but he’s also a racist asshole. 23) The Caged Bird Seal is slavery. 24) And Hinata doing absolutely nothing about that makes her complacent in it. 25) Every single one of the Konoha 12 with the exception of Chouji would have been absolutely shit parents and passed on a fuck ton of generational trauma to their kids. 26) Sasuke and Sakura actually do make sense as a couple, but the writing was trash. 27) Naruto and Hinata do not and I’m 90% sure he’s just using her as a rebound. 28) Sasuke is the most accurate depiction of trauma in this whole damned show. That’s not a good thing. 29) The Uchiha Massacre should have been treated as the genocide that it was. As in, loss of culture and traditions and everything, not just Sasuke’s parents. 30) Minato is a war criminal. 31) And he’s not hot. 32) Sasuke is hot but in a pretty way. 33) Naruto’s lowkey an incel at some points. 34) Jiraiya’s creepy and disgusting, and a pedophile. 35) On that note, I didn’t feel sad at all when he died. 36) He was also a shit godfather and role model and likely most of the reason Naruto did not gain a single braincell between the original show and Shippuden. 37) ShikaTema is the only canon couple I can actually see getting together. That’s not a good thing. 38) There should have been more characters with siblings. Like, almost all of the Konoha 12 are heirs to their clans, so how come they’re all only children? 39) Even aside from that and how their parents would probably have multiple kids as a backup heir, like Hanabi for Hinata, the replacement ratio just doesn’t make sense. 40) Like Konoha should be having a population crisis if they, a military dictatorship that relies on murder for their survival, only have one kid per every two parents. 41) Sakura most definitely banged Ino at some point. 42) Obito and Madara both should have stayed dead and the main villains should have been the Akatsuki. 43) Specifically Nagato and Konan, neither of whom would change sides. 44) Konan vs Sasuke and Sakura vs Nagato. 45) The alien plot is actually being done pretty well in Boruto and much better that whatever the hell happened in Naruto. 46) On that note: every single one of the kids in Boruto has so much parental trauma heaped onto them. Refer back to point 25. 47) Minus Chocho she’s mostly good. 48) Sasuke and Naruto was more unhealthy and invalidated Sasuke’s trauma more than Sasuke and Sakura. 49) Hey Kishimoto give your main heroine an actual fucking backstory with her parents and relationship with them challenge. 50) Naruto is realistic in that the rebellion born of a genocide survivor’s anger was crushed and the fascist, unequal status quo led by a so-called underdog who actually had all the power he needed from birth including important parents and grew up to be an entitled ass who’s also an awful parent, was simply reestablished.

[musaics]

I watched the scene where Konan recruits Sasori and she calls him ‘young man’ but like? They’re the same age roughly? He’s 35 when he dies, she’s 35 when she dies. He hadn’t transformed himself into a puppet at the time so??? Why she say ‘young man’?? Unless ya girl’s just polite. 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 1st September 2019

There are four new arrivals this week, evenly split into two categories: Taylor Swift and not Taylor Swift. Now, without further ado...

Top 10

One of the biggest stories this week is the new #1, because thanks to a remix by Sir Spyro, grime producer, featuring verses English rapper Jaykae and a rapper we all know too well on this show, Aitch, “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy (And now I guess I’ll have to credit Jaykae and Aitch) is at #1, up 10 spaces from last week in its fourth week on the charts. Sorry to trail off into a bunch of arbitrary numbers for a second, but it’s Ed Sheeran’s eighth #1 and third from this album alone, Stormzy’s second after “Vossi Bop” this same year, and since we’ve got new remix artists, I guess I can say that this is Aitch’s second top 10 hit in the UK, his fourth top 20 and first ever #1, and also Jaykae’s first ever entry into the UK Top 40, so congratulations. I haven’t heard the remix at all, but Sir Spyro is such a great producer name, and now there is a collaboration between Ed Sheeran, Stormzy, Kenny Beats, Skrillex and Aitch that exists in the world, which is perplexing.

Up two spaces to the runner-up spot is “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston taking the video boost up to number-two, and since the remix seems to be carrying “Take Me Back to London”, I have no doubts this will hit #1 soon enough... and that’s all that’s of interest in the top 10.

“Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is down a spot to number-three.

Also down one space is “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike at number-four.

AJ Tracey’s “Ladbroke Grove” hasn’t moved at number-five, keeping pretty steady traction.

Aitch’s “Taste (Make it Shake)” is still at number-six for no good reason.

Joel Corry’s “Sorry” with uncredited vocals from Hayley May has jumped three positions since last week to number-seven.

Also not moving at all is “How Do You Sleep?” by Sam Smith steady at number-eight.

Lil Tecca continues viral success yet still suffers a hit down two spaces to number-nine with “RAN$OM” – you’d think the mixtape release would give this some sort of a boost.

To round off our top 10 we have “So High” by MIST and Fredo down a spot at #10.

Climbers

Despite the four new arrivals, I wouldn’t say this is a busy week per se, but there is definitely some kind of shift going into the Autumn season, and we could be looking at perpetual smash hits rising up this week, like Headie One gaining his third UK top 20 hit with “Both” up four spots to #18 or “Post Malone” by Sam Feldt featuring RANI having a quick and unexpected boost up eight spots to #26, although that’s not exactly appreciated, by me at least, I think that song’s worthless. “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo is also up six positions to #31, 30 spots shy of where it landed on the US’ Hot 100 chart this week, thanks to a DaBaby remix, but I’m unsure if this’ll gain enough traction here in the UK before it fizzles out worldwide.

Fallers

After “Old Town Road” dropped off the #1 spot following its record-breaking streak in the US, anything could get the #1 spot, and I honestly feel that the same is the case with “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello collapsing due to streaming cuts down 10 spaces to #11. While I doubt “3 Nights” or “Ladbroke Grove” would have or will ever reach the top, “Higher Love” had that video and could have very much taken it, and it seems even likelier that “Beautiful People” could have just swiped the #1 back, but I guess in 2019, it all comes down to the remix. The fallers here are actually relatively plentiful, the aforementioned “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus, etc. is down five spaces to #22 and I’m honestly quite shocked it’s not off the chart yet, “Motivation” by Normani is unfortunately taking a five-space hit off the debut down to #35 and “I Spy” by Krept & Konan featuring Headie One and K-Trap continues to fall off slowly down five to #37 because of how quickly the remix hype died down.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There aren’t a lot of dropouts but two out of three of these are actually very notable. While nobody should care about the premature end to the chart run of “Hate Me” by Ellie Goulding and Juice WRLD out from #39, the other dropouts are genuinely pretty important. Out from #21 is “No Guidance” by Chris Brown featuring Drake, even with a video and steady US success, probably due to streaming cuts, which took Stormzy’s “Crown” as a victim this week too, out from #27. Both of these songs peaked in the top 10, just being shy of the top five, so this shows quite an abrupt yet necessary seasonal shift. There aren’t any returning entries, well, not in the top 40 at least, so let’s talk about the elephant in the room that could be a whole lot bigger.

ALBUM BOMB: Taylor Swift – Lover

I’m honestly not shocked at the lack of impact Swift’s new album had here in comparison to the US. Thanks to chart rules, we can only have three songs from Taylor on the chart, and none of the pre-release singles could compete with the new songs, meaning we just have two new arrivals and a boost for fourth single, “Lover”, up nine spaces to #14, becoming Taylor’s fifteenth UK Top 20 single. I’m not complaining about that one, it’s a great song, despite being somewhat Christmassy. Regardless, we have two new Taylor songs to talk about, so let’s go.

#27 – “Cruel Summer” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift – Peaked at #20 in Ireland and New Zealand, and #29 in the US

Our first Taylor Swift song to cover this week is one of many collaborations with Jack Antonoff off of Lover – even if you don’t recognise the name, you’ve definitely heard a song he’s contributed to, whether it be from his old band with Nate Reuss, fun. or Lorde’s Melodrama. Most recently, he’s been working on music with his band Bleachers as well as Lana Del Rey, Kevin Abstract of BROCKHAMPTON and St. Vincent, which brings us to “Cruel Summer”, Taylor Swift’s 27th UK Top 40 hit with additional writing and guitar from Annie Clark of St. Vincent. The album bored me, if I’m going to be completely honest, but there were definite gems that I appreciated throughout and don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty decent album, but a shortened runtime to mill out the filler records would have definitely helped it achieve greatness. As it is, I’m not disappointed with it and it can definitely go toe to toe with her best at its peaks. This song in particular is pretty great, with blocky 80s-esque production Antonoff is known for, which is immediately cut off by Taylor and her pitch-shifted echo. Her inflections in the pre-chorus especially have a lot of flavour, and that chorus is almost ballad-like, which is somewhat unfitting, but it soon picks up momentum with some more vibrant synths and some rattling hi-hats, admittedly buried in the pretty cloudy mix here, but oh, my god, that bridge is amazing. The combination of the quirky synths, Swift’s vocals building in intensity and, you know, actually being able to hear the percussion for the first time, is incredible, and when it stops for Taylor to just belt into the next chorus, that’s when it wins it for me. Lyrically, it depicts the uncertainty of a new relationship but how exciting that fling is, specifically in this case with Joe Alwyn, who she describes as a “bad boy”, and the music perfectly represents that with how animated Antonoff and Clark’s instrumental is, as well as Taylor herself with some pretty passionate vocal performances I honestly didn’t expect initially. I’ve been listening to the Billboard year-end list for 1984 in the past week for the sake of a Top 10 list, and this would probably fit right in, although I’d question its quality when compared to pop girls at the time like Cyndi Lauper or even Laura Branigan. Admittedly, that year-end list is male-dominated but my point stands. Oh, and this has the same title as a Kanye album from 2012. Sneaky.

#21 – “The Man” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Joel Little and Taylor Swift – Peaked at #15 in New Zealand and #23 in the US

Now this song isn’t one of the first three tracks or even a promoted single but attracted a lot of attention and some controversy for its lyrics, which I’ll only somewhat get into because I don’t get the fuss. In her 28th UK Top 40 hit, Taylor Swift “plays with the ideas of perception”, asking the listener how people would feel about her mistakes, her accomplishments and her public persona and image if she were male, and, well, she has a point, at least on the surface, because people who go through a lot of relationships like Taylor would not be clowned, they would not be mocked for that, they would be “players” as she says. There would not be a focus on her fashion in the press if she was a male, and people would comment on her “Good ideas” and “Power moves”... although I wouldn’t exactly say the debacle with Kanye and Kim Kardashian was a “Power move”. The bridge also seems iffy, commenting less on male musicians but rappers, forgetting that there are indeed so many female rappers talking about the same thing now who are all a lot bigger than they would be years ago when this song might have been written (I assume 2016), and while she has a point that even female rappers (Although this is not directly what she refers to) are seen as subservient and not “Ballers”, I’m not sure if Taylor Swift can comment on that culture, exactly, although I do admit that’s pretty accurate of a comparison. I’m not sure if the press is any kinder to mental health issues in men, either, if that’s what she’s going by when she talks about being okay when you’re “mad” – reminds me of Pitchfork’s Azealia Banks op-ed from 2017 or so. Anyways, I get her overall point – “Women are given less leeway in the industry and harsher press attention than men” - and admittedly, the line, “If I were a man, I’d be the man” is a pretty great wham line for the chorus. This song really sucks, though, there’s no atmospheric intro which works for a “Powerful” song, but Taylor Swift does not sound powerful, she sounds tired. The instrumental is similarly exhausted, with some pretty awful vocal manipulation as a “Drop”, trap percussion because it’s 2019 and some pretty cloudy synths, accentuated by some funny sound effects... I guess? Yeah, no, skip this one, whether it’s for a misguided lyrical attempt, an awful instrumental or Taylor’s odd and unfitting inflections. Honestly, I’m just surprised the song about London didn’t chart this week, featuring an Idris Elba and James Corden sample, but that’s probably a good thing.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Dance Monkey” – Tones and I

Produced by Konstantine Kersting – Peaked at #1 in Australia, Denmark, Finland, Ireland, Norway and Sweden

Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? Okay, so Tones and I is an Australian singer who immediately came to local success with her debut single and EP, but this new single became a massive European smash, and to my surprise, it’s not even really a sleeper hit; the song was released in May, which isn’t that long ago. I haven’t heard anything about the song, admittedly, but it’s gone #1 in so many countries so I guess we’re just slow to this and the US will never get this to chart because they’re repellent to anything they didn’t make that’s this big in Europe. This is obviously Tones and I’s first ever UK Top 40 hit, and, well, this song is about how musicians are “Puppets” for the industry, or at least pop musicians, and it’s not exactly subtle about that, but I’m really not sure how she’s trying to prove that point when she’s making music just as uninteresting. There’s a couple conflicting synth and piano riffs and none of them are particularly interesting or even nice-sounding, it’s just a lot of cheap presets with a couple finger-snaps and eventually a chorus of people singing back-up with strings, but for the most of the song, we’re supposed to be focused on Tones... and she sure is an interesting singer, which I’m pretty sure is the only reason this has caught on so much, since she’s the only part that stands out and it’s an acquired taste for sure, and she’s definitely putting on the voice for the sake of the music, but honestly I don’t mind it; any attempt at making this boring pop song any interesting is appreciated, and by the end, you don’t notice it that much. Still not a great song, though, it has potential and I’m interested in what she does next.

#33 – “frick, i’m lonely” – LAUV featuring Anne-Marie

Produced by LAUV – Peaked at #9 in Singapore

Do you seriously expect a pre-amble? It’s a song by LAUV and Anne-Marie made for the 13 Reasons Why soundtrack. If that doesn’t scream, “Derivative pop music in 2019 on its last legs”, then I don’t know what doesn’t, it’s LAUV’s second Top 40 hit here in the UK since “i’m so tired” with Troye Sivan and Anne-Marie’s ninth, and it’s bloody awful. It starts with an awfully mixed percussion sample that transitions immediately into a preset beat you can easily find on a school-provided keyboard, with a random kick drum and stray vocal sample. It makes  a really odd contrast between lo-fi preset beat and LAUV’s clean vocals, until the chorus which is just ugly. The actual percussion and a strong 808 comes in, and LAUV’s in his falsetto, and it sounds pathetic. What a “Chorus” that is, oh, yeah, Anne-Marie’s incoherent and barely harmonises with LAUV at all despite an obvious attempt to. Also, “It’s been me, myself and why”? What?! The bridge tries to create non-existent momentum with no groove and instead of any musical coherency, they just ad-lib for a while on dead space until the chorus comes in, and I shouldn’t care anyway, because I don’t want to hear over-processed vocals layered on top of each other to the point of ridiculousness over a beat that I can make in seven minutes or less, with obnoxious ad-libs from Anne-Marie and sickly lyrics. This is lowest common-denominator stuff and it’s not great at all, I’m starting to think “I Like Me Better” was a fluke; if you remember my best list, I really liked that song. Oh, and just when you think the song’s ended for good, you get an extra isolated LAUV vocal riff. Why?!

Conclusion

It should be pretty damn obvious what’s getting Worst of the Week; it’s going to LAUV and Anne-Marie for “frick, i’m lonely” (That is not the true title, by the way, if it wasn’t obvious), which has no redeemable qualities at all; I’m shocked this ever got out to the public. In fact, there’s not much good here at all, so Dishonourable Mention goes to both Tones and I and Taylor Swift for being both uninteresting and completely misguided in “Dance Monkey” and “The Man”. Funnily enough both songs are overly vague commentary on the music industry. Best of the Week also goes to Taylor Swift for “Cruel Summer” though, that song rocks. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[mercuryrain]

85 Statements Tag Game

I was tagged by @8ofloveandchocolate8!

...

The last…  

1. Drink: Walnut liqueur with milk.

2. Phone call: Pizzeria.

3. Text message: response to my friend's dumb joke: "Kurwa xD".

4. Song you listened to: Percival Schuttenbach - Rodzanice.

5. Time you cried: My left eye tears up every morning, other than that i don't cried for years.

6. Dated someone twice: Not even once.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a cow on a muzzle after i lost a bet.

8. Been cheated on: No.

9. Lost someone special: No.

10. Been depressed: I have more nihilistic streaks but never depression.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Never threw up or had hangover after drinking.

Favourite colors

12. Any faded and dim colours.

13. Gray and most dark colours.

14. color of rust.

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes.

16. Fallen out of love: No.

7. Laughed until you cried: Like every time I talk with my friends because we laugh at our own laughs and this can go on for hours.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Even if i did i forgot.

19. Met someone who changed you: Hell knows.

20. Found out who your friends are: Yes.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: My mom on the cheek.

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: Everyone.

23. Do you have any pets? Vampiric cat, lazy dog and suicidal cockatiel.

24. Do you want to change your name? Everyone refers to me as Konan without me needing to oficially change my name.

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Drank beer and watched some lewd anime with my friend.

26. What time did you wake up? Sleep is for weaklings!

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Having existential crysis because i can't draw for shit when I have idea in my head.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Golden autumn.

29. When was the last time you saw your mum? I can see her from my desk, my apartment is small af.

31. What are you listening to right now? Protomen - hounds.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Does 'Tomek' count?  

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: There is a list somewhere...

34. Most visited website: Deviantart and DragonFable.

35. Hair colour: Rusty or ginger depending on exposure to sun.

36. Long or short hair? Long.

37. Do you have a crush on someone? Food is the best waifu.

38. What do you like about yourself? I have no idea.

39. Piercings: Two earrings in right ear.

40. Blood type: B+

41. Nicknames: Most popular is Konan. Nina, Mercury Rain and Libera are my nicknames from forums, games etc.

42. Relationship status: Not existant.

43. Zodiac: Taurus.

44. Pronouns: She/Her.

45. Favourite TV show: I don't have fav's i just watch anything what is entertaining.

46. Tattoos: I don't have money for tattoos.

47. Right or left handed: Right.

48. Surgery: Had surgery of left eye, knee and spine.

49. Piercing: see question 39.

50. Sport: Only e-sports for me.

51. Holiday: TAKE ME BACK TO SLOVAKIA!

52. Pair of trainers: Anything that fits.

More general

53. Eating: Never said no to free food.

54. Drinking: Anything as long as there is someone to drink with.

55. I’m about to: Play Guild Wars 2 entire night.

56. Waiting for: Oppurtunity to take action.

57. Want: So many things, all out of my reach.

58. Get married: With who?

59. Career: Rail is love, rail is life.

60. Hugs or kisses: I'm hugging machine.

61. Lips or eyes: Both, i like to look at pretty things and both eyes and lips can be really pretty looking.

62. Shorter or taller: Does not matter.

63. Older or younger: Does not matter.

64. Nice arms or nice stomach: Does not matter.

65. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesistant troublemaker..

67. Kissed a stranger: Does that one cow count?

68. Drank hard liquor: Yes.

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Never.

70. Turned someone down: Yes.

71. Sex on the first date: What date?

72. Broken someone’s heart: Suprisingly yes.

73. Had your heart broken: No.

74. Been arrested: No.

75. Cried when someone died: No.

76. Fallen for a friend: No.

Do you believe in …

77. Yourself: Yes.

78. Miracles: Yes.

79. Love at first sight: No.

80. Santa Claus: There is only Dziadek Mróz!

81. Kissing on the first date: With me? There would never be the date in first place, I don't care about what everyone else is doing with their lives.

82. Angels: Yes. They are creepy.

Other

83. Current best friend’s name: Magdalena "Czarna" and Amadeusz.

84. Eye colour: Brown.

85. Favourite movie: Same as with TV shows.

[akatsuki-no-tsuki]

Proposed Timeline for the Akatsuki

Alright, so I’ve had a bit of a nap since this- so it’s onto the promised part two~

The Akatsuki, according to everything I’ve ever been able to find on it, was supposedly founded after the Third Shinobi World War (which we have already established ended a maximum of 1 year before Naruto was born and was definitely over by the time Naruto was born). That basically gives us a general starting point for when it makes sense for the civil war in Amegakure to break out.

In my opinion (though it is certainly just a single possibility) I think Nagato spent the 3-4 years between Yahiko’s death and the war’s conclusion to hone his abilities as Pein (Pein as an entity was likely conceived more around the time of Yahiko’s death as Yahiko is one of the Pein bodies.) This time period gives Nagato a chance to adapt to his new way of life, develop his warped ideals into the new Akatsuki, gather the other five who would become part of his Six Paths of Pein, and perfect his usage of the abilities he unlocked. How much Obito is involved in this is a little questionable, but we do know from flashbacks and statements that Obito and Zetsu are involved with the Akatsuki from a very early point.

Basically, my personal theory is that within a time period of less than a year after the Third Shinobi World War (when Hanzō‘s forces would still be weakened from the war) Pein launched his civil war and effective take-over. How long this war lasted isn’t something I am too confident about, but I do believe Pein had won the civil war in Amegakure before the Akatsuki started operations. It makes more sense for Nagato and Konan to finish one war before preparing for the next and also offers Amegakure as a sort of base of operations for the Akatsuki to fall back onto. In addition, I think the potential protection of a country is something that adds to the Akatsuki’s appeal- If they planned to recruit criminals from the start then the promise of protection (despite not being from a major shinobi village) is something extremely valuable.

So then, the question begins: When did the Akatsuki form?

The furthest bookmark we have is when Orochimaru is stated to have left the Akatsuki 10 years ago during part 2. The problem isn’t so much that it makes no sense for Orochimaru to have been involved with the Akatsuki then (assuming the civil war in Amegakure was launched soon after the Third Shinobi World War concluded and was won not long afterwards, we have the Akatsuki potentially forming as early as the year Naruto was born, or six years prior to this date of Orochimaru supposedly leaving the Akatsuki. The problem with this time frame is rather the fact of Orochimaru leaving the Akatsuki as a result of his loss to Itachi.

With Itachi, we know his joining of the Akatsuki is linked to the killing of his clan. At the time Itachi was 13 years old, which places this event as 8 years before the Orochimaru statement was made. In order for Orochimaru to have left 10 years ago, and to have fought Itachi leading up to that point, Itachi would have been 11 years old at the time. Which um... Doesn’t make sense. Itachi’s backstory is something rather extensively known, so I am fairly confident in stating that the earliest Orochimaru could have left the Akatsuki is 8 years prior to that statement being made.

In Naruto “10 years” pretty much never means 10 years. It’s like a rough estimate for anything that happened in a period of time that was long enough to be history but recent enough not to be ancient. However, just for the sake of fun- What if that statement was meant to be more of an’ Orochimaru joined the Akatsuki 10 years ago? Assuming that ends up being a vaguely accurate statement (and knowing Orochimaru leaves Konoha at 1 year before Naruto’s birth at the earliest thanks to Minato having been installed as the fourth Hokage instead of him at some point prior to Orochimaru’s leaving) We get a bookmark of the Akatsuki being a thing 6 years after Naruto’s birth with Orochimaru leaving circa 8 years after Naruto’s birth. 

The other vague bookmark we are given in this direction is Sasori’s leaving of Sunagakure. He is stated in the beginning of Shippuden to have left Sunagakure 20 years ago- Which actually makes me realize a flaw in my age system...Naruto’s group is 15 at the start of Shippuden and if Sasori was 35 at the time of his death then he is actually closer to 20 years older than Naruto. This means Sasori left Suna around the time Naruto was born and the war had concluded. We can assume from a lot of things that Sasori was one of the first members recruited, but that doesn’t help narrow down the Akatsuki’s formation date much more than ‘after Naruto was born, but before Naruto was 6′.

Konan, Nagato, Zetsu, and Obito don’t have any good landmark points for this time period either... With Deidara all we know is that Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori were already members by the time he was recruited and Orochimaru had presumably left already as Deidara was to be his replacement. (Which, once again, doesn’t narrow things down much more than Deidara joining some point after/during the time Naruto was 8 years old). Hidan is pretty useless too since he is the last member to join the Akatsuki and depending on media referenanced potentially doesn’t even join the Akatsuki until after pre-shippuden. Kakuzu doesn’t offer much help either since he was imprisoned after fighting Hashirama who had died years before this Akatsuki was even an idea in Nagato’s head, and left Taki after escaping from that.

Which leaves our only hopeful marker (that I am aware of) as Kisame’s joining. Now this in itself is going to be problematic since he is recruited into the Akatsuki after killing Fuguki and taking Samehada- But I’m not sure how to place it... We know Yagura was the acting Mizukage at the time and that Obito had him under his control. Yagura’s rule was largely marked by the “bloody mist” but even pinpointing that is hard... In part one Kakashi states that Zabuza forced the bloody mist into an end 10 years ago (and remember that 10 years ago thing?) when he was still just a kid who hadn’t yet entered the academy himself. Problem is that Zabuza is 26 at the time this statement is made, so either Zabuza’s age is a mistake or 10 years was meant to mean 20. [Personally, I’m not sure which to give more credit to]. Soooo if we move on to Yagura himself- He was the three-tails Jinchuriki after Rin (supposedly) which would mean he was not a Jinchuriki until around the time the Third Shinobi World War concluded. Since extracting a Bijuu from a Jinchuriki results in their death, this is really the only time frame that works? If we assume the bloody mist era did, in fact, end around 10 years prior to part 1, then we get the rough estimate of the bloody mist coming to a close around the time Naruto is 2. Trying to narrow this down further, we know Ao recognized that Yagura was being controlled with the Byakugan he obtained during the Third Shinobi World war- Though I am not sure if we have any other details. So trying a different angle, Mei is seen as a marker of change for Kiri- Given that she, herself has kekkei genkais, she’d likely end the war on them. So in we usher Haku and Kimimaro- Haku is 3 years older than Naruto, while Kimimaro is (i believe) 2 (though it could possibly be 3 years as well, I don’t remember when the Chunin exam arc takes place). Haku and Kimimaro were both children when this kekkei genkai war was going on- And we know Orochimaru found Kimimaro while Zabuza found Haku... That means these events have to occur after Zabuza kills a graduating class but before Mei becomes Mizukage- And, it is also likely Orochimaru takes in Kimimaro prior to his own joining of the Akatsuki. Guessing Kimi might have been 5 when Orochimaru found him- That would give us the marker of around 3 years after Naruto was born. To give more wiggle room let’s go with Kimi being 8 and this marker being 6 - it still theoretically works with Orochimaru joining the Akatsuki around then. Essentially, we can narrow Kisame’s joining down to some point after the third shinobi world war and probably around the time Orochimaru possibly joined- (ugh. so much for that bloody mist end thing being helpful).

Basically all we know for sure from this:

* Nagato, under the alias of Pein, launches a civil war in Amegakure after the Third Shinobi World War 

* This war is won some time between the war’s conclusion (12 years before the series’ start) and when the Akatsuki is formed.

* The Akatsuki’s exact start-up date is unknown. Nagato and Konan were members from the previous Akatsuki, with Obito and Zetsu essentially supporting and sparking the new one (The Akatsuki, to this extent, could have potentially formed before or during the Amegakure civil war).

* Going off of rough estimates, Orochimaru and Kisame might have joined the Akatsuki around 6 years prior to the start of the series- Sasori and Kakuzu, who had left their villages years prior to this point, were also likely recruited around this time. (There is circumstantial evidence (such as Kakuzu not being present at Deidara’s recruitment, and non-manga media not showing him in most early-Akatsuki flashbacks) however, to make Kakuzu’s joining date closer to that of Deidara’s.

* If nothing else is true, we know that Itachi joined the Akatsuki 8 years prior to the start of the series.

* Orochimaru gets into a conflict with Itachi and leaves the Akatsuki at some point after Itachi joins, assuming this is somewhat immediate, he leaves 8 years prior to the start of the series. Orochimaru’s leaving means he needs to be replaced and Deidara is recruited (8 years prior to the start of series at the earliest) 

* Kakuzu has numerous partners before Hidan, and Hidan is mentioned to be the newest member of the Akatsuki during Shippuden- Manga canon potentially indicates that Hidan was not a member until during the gap between part one and part two, but even if this is not the case he is recruited at some point during or after 8 years prior to the start of the series at the earliest.

* The start of the Akatsuki was likely rather hush hush, it was probably not until a full 10 member list (or 9, rather, with Orochimaru leaving) was created that the Akatsuki made enough moves to be noticable, making this time frame approximately 8 or so years before the series starts.

* By the series start, they are well-known enough for rumors to be circulating about them; by the start of Shippuden their existence is practically common knowledge.