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goodluckclove · 2 months ago

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Storytime: Holy Shit Going No Contact Was A Really Good Idea, Actually

TW: offhanded mentions for abuse and neglect, general parental bullshit

Okay so people were saying they're down for this so here I go.

A little context for those who don't know: I'm an adult child of pretty severe emotional and psychological abuse, as well as like comical degrees of neglect that I've been making up for over the course of the past year for so. I say "comical" not because it's funny, but because if it was depicted in like a YA novel critics would pan it for being unrealistic. My mom convinced me that doctors don't actually like it when you get checkups and get mad at you for "wasting their time", so I didn't see a doctor for like eight or so years. That's on the low end of how fucked these people are. My parents are both alcoholics and my mom is a diagnosed narcissist (she doesn't know this, but I do because my long-time psychologist was her psychologist first before she decided she was "done with therapy". He told me this after like four years as a part of his attempt to get me to realize I was in a deeply fucked situation, ultimately saving my life in a very literal sense - but that's another story). I'm not saying you can't be both of those things and not be a good person, but I am saying she did not choose to go down that particular path.

I went no contact shortly after I got married to a person who was able to see that my parents were both pretty mean to me most of the time in ways I forced myself to process as humor. They sent like one weird card before we moved and now they don't have my new address or phone number.

Unfortunately I'll still occasionally hear random updates about them - mainly from my older sister, who was the object of my mom's obsessive, manipulative, parent-ifying "love" before she left home at 18 and I became the new Golden Goose. I don't like this. I wish she would stop doing this. I asked her before, but I guess she forgot. Or maybe part of the shell shock from the damage of our childhood is that she just needs to tell someone who would understand in a more primal way than her fiancee. I don't know. She pretty much raised me when I was younger so I guess this is what I'm giving her in return.

A couple of days ago she called me and casually mentioned the latest scrambling my parents are doing. They're moving in with my grandma so she can keep living in the home she raised her family in. They're not kicking out my autistic brother anymore, they're actually bringing him with them. I don't think he has a choice. They're also bringing the family dog they've neglected even worse than they did me, despite how my grandma absolutely insisted she would never want a pet. They're going to turn my kind of run-down childhood home into a rental for extra income. My parents are landlords to be. Cool cool cool.

A lot of this is about money. I have never been comfortable talking about money - probably more so than other people. I never had it explained to me. It wasn't displayed or handled in a way that made sense in my mind. My mom complained and lamented about bills to me all the time but she also had maybe four Prada purses. It didn't make sense.

Something she told me a lot about were the details of my grandmother's will - like, from as young as maybe 16. My grandma is indeterminately wealthy in a way I don't really understand and can barely even guesstimate. She owns her own house, remodeled it, bought my uncle a house, bought my childhood home when my parents almost got kicked out and they paid her the mortgage ever since. She paid for all my siblings (except for me since I dropped out) to go to college. She has an amount of money. I have no idea how much since she's pretty buttoned up - loving, but reserved - which I was told is just a generational thing for some Japanese people. I mean she has the right. She spent like a year or two in a concentration camp as a little girl, she has the fucking right.

But yeah I was told more than a few times that I have a big inheritance for after grandma dies. My mom never told me how much but stressed that it was a lot. I didn't really know why she was telling me this. I actually felt like she shouldn't be telling me this. It made me feel sad and dirty to hear her describe it as something I should be excited for. She also mentioned a lot that I was the only grandchild in the will, and not my three step-siblings that I've known since birth.

Once again - this was NOT something I wanted to know. I had no idea what to do with that information. I tried not to think about it.

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm married and we just bought a house. So before you officially buy a house there's a point where an inspector looks everything over and gives you the details - you know, so you can make an informed decision. The inspection we got for the first house we almost bought informed us that the whole thing was hand-renovated and pretty much fucked to the point where if we bought it we'd have to replace the walls. We didn't buy that house.

The inspector for the second house we loved confirmed it was old. Most of the houses in Portland are old. But it seemed pretty much fine. The only issue was some moss on the roof and a few loose shingles, he said. So we bought it.

Turns out the roof is not good. It's very not good. And we have to replace it before October or else we'll lose our home insurance, and ultimately the home itself. Stressful! I found a pretty knowledgeable roofer and he quotes 14k for the treatment. Add that to the 10k we were already planning on spending on refinancing - a separate financial obstacle course for home owners that Riley was pursuing, since the fiances are their domain - and we were both at a loss as to what to do.

Ultimately I reluctantly decide to see if my grandma would give me part of my inheritance early. Or all of it? I debate how to phrase it for a night. I didnt want to assume how much she was planning on leaving me. I didn't really like to think about how she left specifically me anything in terms of money.

But that didn't end up being an issue! Because when I called my grandma and explained the situation, how we were hit with like three major financial blows back to back and were just hoping to get some aid until things stabilized in a few months, she casually mentioned that I'm actually not in her will. None of the grandkids are!

I immediately stammered out a series of no no nevermind then, but she stopped me and explained how she has a "small emergency fund" for situations like this and asks how much I needed. I say I'm not comfortable with that, but she won't drop the subject. She says the roof is 14k so she'll just give me that. She says 14k won't be a dent in her "small emergency fund". I have absolutely no idea what my grandma's financial situation is.

Did you know if you're given only Goodwill clothes for all of your formative years you're likely to be unable to buy new clothes at even a Target without feeling lost and sick to your stomach? Did you know that if you take Lithium they won't let you sell your blood? Do you know the easiest ways to shoplift food?

I don't think my grandma knows any of that and at this point I don't want to tell her.

I accept the check. I thank her. Riley thanks her. We both cry a lot for a lot of the morning because this is just a lot and it's very confusing. Riley says they've never accepted that amount of money before and would never imagine it coming from a family member. I say my grandma has been doing shit like this for my whole life.

But in the back of my head I'm reeling. I don't consider myself a materialistic person, but I can't help but ask why did my mom lie to me? Why did she lie, and continue to push the lie even when she saw it made me uncomfortable? Why did she bring it up when I'd get mad at my siblings as a way to force me to put aside my feelings?

It's just such a random thing to make up and double down on. Triple down, even. And I understand this whole mess comes from a pretty lucky position - we were able to buy a house and get financial aid to keep the house at a crucial time. That's lucky. We're really lucky. But why the fuck was she keeping up this bit for so long?

She could've never mentioned it and I wouldn't be upset about not being in the will. Frankly I probably wouldn't notice. But holy shit I carried so much stress for years over being the one grandchildren in the will that I had no clue how to navigate. I debated telling my siblings but after all of us were told that we should consider ourselves blood-related, hearing that our own grandmother drew a distinction sounded devastating.

I can't think of a reason why my mom would push a lie this random but so big for so long. It wasn't for me, clearly. I'm not upset that I'm not going to get a fucking jackpot when my grandma dies. I was never really able to wrap my mind around that being a thing. I'm just fucking baffled that my mom was so completely delusional for my whole life and I just followed along for so long.

So long! I was so unbelievably loyal to her despite every attempt she made to drag me into the void. The day before I got married I was telling her over video call that I didn't have a right to be unhappy not working while I recovered from my first major medication shift in years. She said, even though I am the only child of four to pay rent in their own apartment, that I should be grateful for my soon-to-be wife because "without them I'd be homeless".

Fuck that. Fuck that and fuck her. With the stories I have I could ruin my parents in my extended family's eyes forever. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is knowing that it would hurt my Grandma more to know that she wasn't able to step in while it was actually happening. And she's done so much for me and our family that I don't want her to carry that in the end of her life.

It was one lie that really made me realize some things, though. The best thing I ever did for myself was cut contact with my parents. If I didn't cut contact - if I didn't move states - I would almost guaranteed be dead. This is not an exaggeration. It was fucking messy.

But I got out. I have a wife and a few close friends, a roof over my head and some cats darting around my feet. Before we moved I was terrified of my parents showing up at our old apartment. I used to spiral imagining mom screaming outside the door. I tried to plan with Riley what we'd do if that happened. One night I claimed I wanted to take a boxing class "so I can know what it feels like to get really hit and I won't be afraid of it anymore".

I'm not scared now. These are sick people and I've spent more than enough time lamenting how awful my life would be if I continued not noticing that. I was thinking my mom was unable to perceive me as my own person, and now I'm convinced she never saw me or my sister as people at all. We were just little dollies she could whisper all her traumas to.

I hope my sister cuts contact too. I told her about the will thing and said that I'm pretty sure my parents would use that as a way to keep relationships with their remaining children. I said she should probably consider that if she decides to cut ties.

Honestly, I won't blame her if she does that and decides to stay in contact. It's a hard world out there. But I hope she does anyway. She just bought a house too and is about to get married to a man with a family infinitely more loving than ours ever was. I tell her to consider them her family. After the shit she's seen that's the least she deserves.

#tw family trauma #storytime #haha this felt weird to write

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atopvisenyashill · 6 months ago

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Aligon takes please I'm beg you

i hope this answer is what you’re looking for lol i think my preferred take on this one isn’t that much more sexual than what they have in canon, it’s more about reframing their in canon dynamic with the caveat that over the years, they have developed romantic & sexual feelings for each other. i have like, a few really specific aus in my head and i love to follow those down the rabbit hole, but when it comes to their canon dynamic, where they are still in love with each other (because they are, i’m right, just like with visaemonyra) and the dance still happens, my preferred dynamic takes like,,,,, a long time to simmer.

Obviously this is a weird mix of show canon and book canon. I always imagine Alicent just slightly younger than she is in the book (to keep her as a confidant and lady to Rhaenyra at court, more of a big sister role than what they have in the show, but also I like her being a young mom, and also I like when Jace is a bit closer in age to Aegon, Aemond, and Helaena). Just roll with it here lmao. Also also, I want to lay some ground rules for some terms I'm using here because I'm not sure people are familiar with like, clinical talk, nor do they recognize that this behavior is abusive.

So "emotional incest" is when an adult relies on their child to meet emotional needs that child is not prepared for. you've probably heard the term "parenification" which is a form of emotional incest wherein a child is expected to act like a parent to their own parent, and that is similar to what i'm talking about in that it's also emotional incest but what i mostly see in aegon and alicent's dynamic is "enmeshment" which is a little to the left of parentification - basically the idea that a parent doesn't have the correct physical or emotional boundaries in place with a child. children who experience enmeshment often respond by being people pleasing, incapable of setting boundaries, and unable to discern when someone else is setting a boundary. this is something you can clearly see with both of their behavior already in canon - she violates his personal space in at least half the scenes we have of them interacting, and aegon is clearly completely unaware of sexual and emotional boundaries. i’m sure there’s plenty we don’t see that’s just as weird, or weirder (which is were i come in lmao).

I think Alicent will go along with his bad behavior at times because she wants him to be more measured, more kingly, more assertive, so she wants him to boss her around a bit but also, she does not appreciate her son bossing her around nor is she willing to face with the fact that her power once he's king is all theoretical because it terrifies her. I think the crux of this dynamic is that Aegon wants to prove he can be a better king - a better husband - than Viserys was, and he’s conflating affection and sex and family in his mind bc his Model For Masculinity includes Viserys, Criston, and Otto and that’s just,,,,,a fucked up combo of anger, manipulation, and devotion. Meanwhile, Alicent withholds affection because it’s the only motivator that gets to him, and yet this affection is literally the most intimate she has ever been with anyone but his older sister.

examples-

I think it's very likely that she is regularly in his room having private conversations with him, and she chooses weird times of the day to catch him off balance (because she wants a real answer and not bullshit) (and also because he's like, asleep during the day).

Very likely to me that she dictates his wardrobe in the same way Otto dictated hers when she was younger but I think it goes farther in her being in the room when he’s being dressed/dressing him herself - he’s hungover, and she’s the queen and he’s the future king so The Queen Must Deal With The Problem On Her Own, because of course, she would never subject sweet, fragile Helaena to this sort of thing.

When I say "weird" I mean weird - she's asking him about his relationship with Helaena, she's telling him about her own issues with Viserys and Otto and Criston, maybe hinting that she doesn’t like Larys, she's dictating his every move and trying to keep him on a schedule and get him to take his studies seriously, she's comparing him to Helaena and Aemond (not favorably), she's likely leaning on him for validation when she's having issues with Viserys and Otto, possibly even asking him for advice on how to handle his siblings and then guilting him when he doesn't give an answer she likes.

On the flip side, I think it's likely he also sleeps in her bedroom a lot. Probably this started as a whiny, needy, "i had a nightmare" or "i just sleep better here" or "you're the one who wakes me up anyway why can't i just sleep here" that alicent just gives into because it's easier than arguing about it, and also, she's trying to encourage him to be pushy about things he wants and affection is clearly something he desires.

Obviously this is less of an issue as Viserys gets older but we don't really know when they stop having sex, and I like to believe that it happens often that he will call for Alicent to come to his room while Aegon is sleeping in there, and Aegon just waits around for her to come back and loses his mind over it. He remembers the exact day that Daeron was conceived, it is burned into his memory. yes, aegon has emotions about essentially being cucked by his own dad.

Once he marries Helaena, there's a fair amount of forcing him into the role of Alicent's spouse and Alicent acting as his wife. When there are events at King's Landing - tourneys, birthdays, celebrations, religious holidays, someone important is visiting for a meeting so they're having a big dinner, etc., - Alicent is often escorted by Aegon and not Viserys. This is partially Otto wanting everyone to see Aegon, partially Alicent worrying Helaena can't take the strain of the spotlight, and partially Alicent feeling she needs to keep an eye on Aegon to make sure he behaves.

When she's fighting with Otto or Viserys, she will go to Aegon to make herself feel better. A lot of times it starts off as taking her anger out on him but once she's calmed down, it morphs into spending the day with him, even discussing her problems with his father or her father with him. Similarly, I think it's likely that if he gets snapped at by Otto or ignored when he wants attention from his father, he'll go to her for comfort. The sheer amount of crying he does obviously disgusts her but I think she'd react very differently if he's crying because of something Otto said, and the difference in reaction (ie comfort instead of scorn) makes Aegon go to her more because she'll be physically affectionate with him even while she's explaining all the ways in which he's fucked up. Like a date, but more fucked up basically.

if we want to enter into dead dove territory here a bit...

the co-sleeping takes on a more sexual nature after Helaena has the twins. I think it freaks Aegon out that he's a young father the same as she was a young mother, and vice versa, and the fact that both of them are purposefully missing these big milestones when it comes to being a parent because they have a hard time connecting to their children means that when Aegon starts missing these things, Alicent wants to confront him over how lucky he is to have the freedom to decide how to raise his own child, and that makes Aegon feel very weird about his own relationship with her - because she is the only parent he has any sort of connection with yet she's saying she was denied a connection to him.

Anyways, I think he starts just straight up feeling her up after that. This is something I think she would justify very easily in her mind but also, it's something she can take control of - we get that moment at the coronation where he's hugging her tight, but she pulls his hand off yet keeps hold off his hand. I think it's likely he would claim he's just like, tired, wants to hug his mother, while his hand is right on her breast, and she would move it but she'd still keep him close - over her stomach, on her hip, in her hair, around her neck. This is the most affection she has gotten,,,,basically since she and Rhaenyra stopped speaking.

When she starts feeling weird about this, she makes him spend a few nights with Helaena. When he sees her be carelessly - and normally - affectionate with Aemond or Helaena, he spends a night with Helaena and makes sure Alicent knows he's spending the night with Helaena. I think it’s even likely he’d go to Helaena and then insist on sleeping in Alicent's bed, and Alicent is just like. Well he did what I told him to do, and he thrives off affection, so I reward him with affection. And forces herself to overlook how he smells like he just had sex, had sex with her own daughter, his own sister, and now he’s sleeping with his head buried in her shoulder and his hand right under her breast (because she moved it down from on her breast, but he kept his grip on her hand tight and she sees no reason to let go now).

He has definitely described in detail his sexual escapades when he's feeling especially cucked by his own father.

I think the first time they really cross any sort of line would be after Viserys dies. It’s the stress of grieving a man who didn’t give a fuck about either of them, of spending the whole day searching for Aegon only for him to have been in the Sept the whole time…when she wants comfort and affection she goes to Aegon, and yet she uses it as a carrot, and YET he reached for Her Faith and Her Safe Space when he ran. But he’s also feeling real prickly about the whole thing. I think it’s the first time she just rewards him with affection without a string attached and it leads to the carriage scene where he’s clearly searching a concrete answer and not another dodge.

After he’s king though, the dynamic flips. Suddenly he has the power. Suddenly he has the leverage over her. I think he’s going to flip wildly from wanting to protect to her to wanting to punish her the way she does him. Withhold affection that she’s craving for the first time, but show her he can protect her and love her the way Viserys couldn’t.

So he comes to her room the night of coronation, and keeps pushing and pushing because he’s king now, until he’s forcing her to let his hands go where they want, and kiss where he wants, until she can’t rationalize the line he’s crossing and like, almost comforting him & assuring him he IS better than Viserys because he’s insisting he won’t hurt her, she’ll enjoy it, and it’s going a lot farther than she wants it to, but she can’t say no to him - he’s the king, and he’s her son, and she’s also not saying no specifically because she likes what he is doing.

She's not moving out of the queen's apartments and into the dowager apartments. why would she, when she's still acting like a queen. But she's in the king's apartments more often with aegon than she ever was in the two decades married to Viserys. She's spending night after night in there "plotting" except Aegon is holding her from behind, and kissing her, and ignoring her when she says it's inappropriate, and it doesn't matter how many layers she's wearing, he's still there, but she's not seeing this as "he's sexually abusing me" she's seeing this as like....a little kid pulling on your dress to get your attention. Or well, she's rationalizing it that way and then praying a LOT later over the whole thing. He's the king. It's fine. She's the Queen. She's just doing what's always been asked of her. She's sparing Helaena. Is it so bad if she's enjoying it.

his jealousy is SO much worse. i genuinely think when he finds out about the dalton greyjoy plan he's going to lose his mind. alicent is never getting remarried. he won't let her meet alone with larys and he does get violent when larys mentions it. he cockblocks otto and criston constantly.

i think he tries really hard to be nicer to aemond after he's king. the fact that aemond was working for alicent and not otto + aemond almost letting him go makes aegon feel marginally better about aemond's existence. this gets more pronounced after rook's rest where he has to lean on aemond and aemond is not taking advantage of the position, which therefore means aegon gives him more responsibility. i am saying aegon puts aemond on cockblock duty re: otto and larys, yes.

i fully believe alicent calls him rhaenyra at least once in bed. aegon does not stop crying about it for a long time. there may or may not have been some weird "does it count as kink if it's not negotiated clearly unsane and unsane but consensual on a technicality" sex stuff that happens that whole week.

what is the weird sex stuff you ask.

well in typical george style i do in fact think there's a lot of tiddy stuff happening here re: breast milk and breast feeding. sorry that comes with mommy issues.

i think he lives with his face between her legs. it's incredibly important to him that she enjoys what's happening. alicent dreads it almost as much as she likes it tho because like, there are some lines man, and getting great head from your own son crosses it in her mind.

[please note i genuinely don't think he goes down on helaena. he doesn't care enough to expend the effort].

do you know what "dollification" is. well it's not alicent that's the doll though, it's aegon. he is her little king toy and she dresses him and bathes him and feeds him and plays with him exactly how she likes.

i go back and forth on impact play, i think HE likes being hit in a sexual sense but SHE does NOT but that doesn't mean he hasn't slapped her a few times or choked her once or twice. i don't think he purposefully does things in bed that make her upset but i DO think, especially after he's crowned, he likes the idea that he can make her cry and he's the king, she can't argue with him over it.

that does not mean she doesn't slap him right back,,,,but he likes when she does that so!

he has absolutely throated some sort of seven figurine or star or some shit in front of her. bit one of her necklaces while she's on top of him. she refuses to actually fuck in the sept altho he did attempt to finger her (she dragged him to a room though, she has to have Some dignity here).

i think they fuck face to face most of the time. he wants her to be very aware that it's him in her bed and not his father (or anyone else). i don't think alicent really knows enough to know that she could enjoy like, doggy style lol, and I think she'd find it debasing so it's not something she would suggest.

also, i say that he wants her to enjoy it but i think the line between "sex that hurts alicent" and "sex that alicent enjoys" can be a bit. thin. because she has a very negative view of sex, it's not something she enjoys, i don't think she would recognize when he's hurting her even, and aegon likes to be incredibly rough. i think early on, he probably assumes something very naive like "she doesn't need as much foreplay" but it's only because alicent just isn't saying that she needs more foreplay (she doesn't even fucking realize that's a thing you need). after a while, i think he would become more aware of when she's just waiting for it to feel good and when it actually feels good, and would use that when he's upset by just. skipping what feels good. he's not actively damaging her - like i don't think it would get to the point where she's bleeding or something - but he is careless once he knows her body a bit better, because he's careless with his own body.

#aligon #asks #anons #alicent hightower #aegon the usurper #the beating of your heart is making me bleed from within #i’m an expert on emotional incest btw don’t question me akskdj #i hope this is. what you wanted. asldjfsja.#i'm sorry it took so long tho like i said don't know WHERE my head has been at lately.#i'm working on my asks i have a slight backlog

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piratefishmama · 1 year ago

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So i know the poll isnt over but i'm going to assume yes, to the background information on Finders Givers lmao.

So this is basically notes, they're notes I have on these characters, things that might not explicitly make it into the fic, and some things that might be included or referenced, but they're just... things i have noted down as character motivations or bits of information for specific characters that i wanna keep note of.

so keep some of these things in mind when characters are introduced! it'll explain a lot in terms of characterizations or vague references.

Please be advised there are CW's in here! CW: Mentions of ED CW: Mentions of human trafficking CW: mentions of illegal behaviour CW: mentions of past parental abuse CW: mentions of police bullshittery

The Harrington Family

Adults

Head of the family - Steve Harrington - 28 - Bisexual

Steve runs several underground businesses around the city, including drugs, fire arms, smuggling, and he owns a few clubs that deal in… illicit behaviours (strip clubs, gambling, etc.)

Steve also deals in legitimate business practices to cover up his naughty ones. He has military contracts for legal firearm development and distribution. He also owns a few local restaurants and a bakery that he bought to give Jane something soothing to do when her nerves are fried.

Steve was under his parents guidance until he was 18 years of age, they passed away in a car wreck leaving him with the 'family business' which he has since expanded and grown into a pretty sizable empire.

He lives in a high rise apartment in the city, the floor to cieling windows are bullet and blast proof and his security system is state of the art developed by his own company, he also has a security team and weapons hidden in several places around his apartment just in case anyone managed to get through the gauntlet of shit he's got lined up for them should anyone tresspass.

He owns the building, Robin lives in it, and so does Nancy and Jonathan although they're planning on getting a house somewhere just outside the city.

Steve wants the Hideout for drug and weapon smuggling purposes as one of the tunnels under it connects to a sewer line that runs to the city docks, getting the Hideout would mean he'd have access to pretty much the entire city from that one spot, as it's an access point to the tunnels not on any official city map.

Robin Buckley - 27 - Lesbian

Met Steve at a restaurant owned by his parents when they were both teenagers, Steve was still under his parents wing at that stage of his life and was held up by a rival family who caught him having dinner with friends, Robin, while working as a server, took a bullet for him, and wound up tied to a chair back to back with him in a warehouse while the bad guys tried to ransom them, took them both together thinking they knew each other because Robin took that bullet. They've been inseparable ever since.

She's the most important person in his life, he'd give up everything for her in a heartbeat. Wouldnt even think about it, he owes her his life.

Robin comes from a middle-class family and worked most of her teenage years in retail and customer service jobs, until she was taken hostage with Steve. She knows multiple languages, can play a few instruments. she's a little clumsy but she has spirit. she and Steve play basketball every now and then with the kids to unwind. She likes baking with Jane.

Nancy Wheeler - 27 - Bisexual

Steve brought her in when she was fired from her first reporter gig for some bogus political bullshit that wound up with her name being blacklisted in the industry when she went after the wrong person without any back up.

He paid for her student loans and brought her and her family into his family, she now works closely with Robin to make sure Steve doesnt do anything stupid, and if he does something stupid without telling them, she aids in damage control.

She's also a solid researcher, can find that needle in a haystack without needing a magnet. And she's really good with a gun.

Jonathan Byers - 27 - Heterosexual

Came with Nancy, is now her fiance. He's good at publicity shots, manages the galleries on the company's website. He takes most of Steve's public appearance photos. Doesn't really have the stomach for crime but he's pretty good at staying quiet.

Argyle - 27 - Pansexual

Came with Jonathan, a pretty spectacular get away driver, a good cook, and solid weed dealer, doesnt deal in anything stronger, has a quality hook up back in California that Steve was happy to connect with. He also ferries the kids around whenever they wanna do something stupid. Sometimes he appears with pizza, nobody knows where he gets the pizza, (he makes it himself).

He's currently staying with the Wheelers as there's no room for him elsewhere. He eventually moves into the block.

Billy Hargrove - 28 - one foot out of the closet Gay (still defensive about it)

Originally forced to work under Henry Creel, the head of a rival gang as an enforcer after his father racked up gambling debts with him. Billy is volatile, violent, and very defensive. He will snap to violence if he's backed into a corner.

Billy has a hair trigger temper similar to Jane, however his trauma is more related to his abusive father and being forced to work for Creel as a hitman/enforcer. He was the muscle, the guy who'd turn up to break things or kill someone. He's not a nice person by any means, he still acts a bit like a shark that's sensed blood in the water, but he's trying to be better now he's free of Creel.

He was raised by a racist, so his views on things are backwards and a lot twisted, but he's getting better. He's no longer antagonistic towards Lucas, he was for the first few months, but Max stepped in and shut that down.

He's doing a lot better now he's in a healthier environment, no longer fearing for his and Max's life, and no longer under Neil's abusive thumb, but he has unhealthy coping mechanisms for his stress and anger.

Joyce Byers - 46

Came with Jonathan. She doesnt really have a role besides keeping Hopper from arresting everyone. Everyone loves her though, she's like a mother to them all. Very protective of them. She'll do odd jobs here and there.

Jim Hopper - 46

Chief of Police in the city, Steve's parents basically blackmailed him years ago and Steve still has the material if Hopper ever stepped out of line.

Hopper has since reunited with, and fallen for Joyce, they went to school together, small world! So he can't do shit without Joyce being mad at him.

Begrudgingly he does actually like Steve though, the kid doesnt cause half as much shit as he could do given how much power he has.

The other parents

Play little to no roles. Not mentioned other than in passing.

Claudia mans the main secretaries desk at the main office which acts as a front for Steve's other shit. Steve hired her after he overheard Dustin talking to the other kids about how his mother had been made redundant at her previous job.

The Kids.

Jane Ives/Harrington - 16

Steve's most dangerous enforcer.

He recovered her from a human trafficking ring, the other victims found their way back to their homes but while they could find her mother, Terry was mentally gone after a blow to the head which happened when Jane was originally kidnapped.

Steve took her in, she uses Harrington as her last name in school. Their relationship is closer to brother/sister rather than parent/child.

Nobody expects Jane to be dangerous, and that's one of the reasons why she's the most dangerous. She's small, she's a wisp of a thing, but she will snap.

People do not take her seriously and then they die.

Jane has PTSD and intermittant explosive disorder (IED). She has trauma triggers that include claustrophobia and a fear of dark places, she doesnt trust easily and her speech is stilted from growing up in harsh conditions with no schooling or socialization.

Befriended Max at school when Steve insisted that she go to school with kids her own age to learn how to socialise (she was chaperoned and the school was well aware of her difficulties). There have been hiccups due to every school having bullies, but Steve has always paid any medical bills caused by those hiccups.

She killed Henry Creel to free both Max and her brother from his clutches using Steve's old nail bat, after convincing Max to bring her to Henry under the guise of her joining his "family".

It took a few weeks to gain his trust, but she killed him in his home by finding out his home security codes, sneaking in at night and taking him by surprise. Nail bat to the face.

Dustin, Lucas, Mike, and Will - 15-16 & Erica - 13

They're the kids, they met Jane in school. They do random odd jobs here and there, mainly they act as spies around the city, they usually communicate through walkies, changing the channel once a week to avoid being listened to.

If there's anything happening around the city that's worth knowing, one of the kids will know it.

Will and Mike already knew Steve through their relatives, which made it easier for the other kids to trust him.

Steve will not allow them to do anything other than act as weird little spies but thats fine, they think it's really cool.

Max - 16

She's a solid get away driver and Billy's stepsister, will absolutely take a baseball bat to someone if necessary, she and Jane are best friends.

She acted as a drug runner for Henry for a year before Jane intervened.

She has a huge crush on Lucas, it's mutual, it's very cute.

The Block

The block is 4 storeys high, there are sixteen apartments in the block in a range of 1 to 2 bedroom. Odd numbers on the left side of the building, even numbered apartments on the right side of the building. Four apartments to a floor. Rent is usually $595pm not including any utility bills.

Eddie Munson - 29 - Gay

Lead vocalist and guitarist of Corroded Coffin which plays at the Hideout, the bar Steve is buying, every Tuesday evening.

Jobless as of start of fic due to a 'disagreement' with his line manager which ended with the manager unconscious and bleeding.

Eddie struggles to find work as he has an assault felony on his record that had him spending two years inside. He used to deal drugs back in highschool but doesnt any more. He still partakes from time to time when he can afford to buy from the shitty dealers in the block. He knows the weed is trash and not at all worth the money they're asking for, but they're easy to get to and it provides a decent enough high to pass the time, he doesnt let Chrissy partake until she's healthy again.

Argyle quickly becomes one of his friends when he moves into the block.

The assault felony was against a local police officer who attempted to coerce him into sexual acts in favour of letting him off with a warning for being caught dealing drugs, hinting that he should be grateful to get any at all given Eddie's sexuality in such a small town.

Eddie punched him and managed to launch the drugs he had into a field lost to the darkness while the officer was disorientated.

The only charge they could pull him on was assault.

When he got out, he was more a freak than ever before, now known as the local queer after the officer he'd 'assaulted' had rushed to claim Eddie came onto him to get out of a harsher charge then panicked when the officer didnt reciprocate when asked to explain Eddie lashing out, as he'd never shown any agression towards officers before and the sherrif couldn't understand why he'd start now, the Sherrif still didn't understand how that could make sense as the story was so hastily told by the officer, so Eddie got out early after a quiet internal investigation led to him being revealed as a victim.

Unfortunately as he did assault an officer, the charge was never wiped from his record.

Eddie spent a year in Hawkins with his uncle after getting out of jail, before jumping ship. Not before making friends with Chrissy Cunningham, who he'd caught at the quarry one night a little too close to the edge of the cliff.

He talked her down, made her laugh, and gave her half his sandwich which she picked at quietly.

He found out about her ED from Jason her childhood friend and 'boyfriend' (performative, acted as a shield against her mother when he could), who at first couldn't believe that Eddie was getting her to eat things, he was defensive at first, angry that she'd go to the local felon instead of him, but… eventually he conceeded that maybe she would be happier, maybe she could survive life if she stayed with Eddie.

Jason sought to convince Eddie to get her to move away from Hawkins with him when Eddie decided to jump ship. He didn't have to try hard. Eddie was planning on whisking her away anyway.

They moved to the city together and have been inseparable ever since as he strives to help her recover.

Lives in Apartment 8 on the second floor with Chrissy.

Chrissy Cunningham - 27 - Bisexual

Lived with abusive parents until she was 16 and then managed to split her living situation between staying with her childhood friend (Jason) under the guise of him being her boyfriend, and hiding out with friends.

Chrissy has suffered with an eating disorder since she was very young mostly due to her mother's insistent comments about her weight and pointed shaming remarks regarding her clothes needing to be let out when they didn't.

She now lives with Eddie in the city, healthier and happier than she's been in years.

Keeps in touch with Jason by semi-weekly calls, he visits every now and then to check in on her.

She's estranged from her parents and little brother, although she wishes she could see her little brother and protect him from her parents. Her parents cut all contact when Chrissy ran away with the town 'freak/felon'. Claiming they didn't want her to negatively influence their son.

Jason was absolutely in love with her, nobody doubts that, but he was aware that she wasnt there, wasnt in that headspace, and probably never would be while in Hawkins, so while he did love her, while he did 'date her' publicly, and while he was happy to pour that love onto her, it was never with any intention to have her do anything with him. It never came with pressures or expectations. He just kept her safe whenever he could.

It's been a month since she last forced herself to throw up and she's put on a small amount of weight that she's happy with. She's on the mend.

Lives in Apartment 8 on the second floor with Eddie.

Dottie and Mick - 19/21 - lesbians.

Dottie and Mick live across the hall from Eddie and Chrissy, they're a couple of runaways estranged from their families who found each other and stuck together, they're not a couple although sometimes they act like it.

They argue sometimes due to Dottie's dependance on drugs and Mick's overprotective tendencies and they're kinda punky, little grungy, but they're nice neighbours usually, and mostly keep to themselves.

Lives in apartment 7 on the second floor

Mrs Luiza Jablonski - 71 - widowed.

She's polish, jewish, and old. She lives alone and usually stays inside.

She loves her neighbours and they love her. She's everyone's grandma.

She crocheted Chrissy a sweater when she and Eddie first moved in, it's Chrissy's favourite thing to wear as it's made of thick cream coloured wool and so cosy, the arms are too long but Chrissy likes how they cover her fingers, makes her feel safe.

She also crocheted Eddie a little plush bat after she saw his tattoo. He loves it.

She has two cats, Mika and Pusia. She owns and can play a grand piano. She occasionally makes enough food to feed the whole floor with leftovers.

She's a little deaf so she doesnt mind Eddie practicing his guitar in his room, which shares the wall with her apartment. Sometimes she will play the piano along with him if she has her hearing aids in, they have little duets sometimes.

Lives in apartment 6 on the second floor.

#Pirate's fic lore #other ficlets have lore like this in a fun little document #but this one has the most lore written up i think #Finders Givers Lore

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animebw · 10 months ago

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So The Woman Called Fujiko Mine feels like an argument against itself.

I don't mean that in broad metaphorical terms. I mean that this show quite literally looks into the camera and tells you that the very concept behind it is bullshit. It's a grim and gritty re-imagining of Lupin III that seems to regard grim and gritty re-imaginings as little more than contrived nonsense, something hastily slapped onto a perfectly fine piece of media with no regard for what makes that media work in the first place. I don't think I've ever seen a more purposefully self-defeating work of fiction in my life.

What do I mean by this? Well, the basis of this show seems to be explaining the backstory of Fujiko Mine, the Lupin franchise's resident femme fatale cat burglar. What kind of experiences, it asks, would lead someone to sleeping and stealing their way through life? And this being a supposed grim and gritty re-imagining with Naked Titties and Fucking, the answer it comes to is, of course, horrific sexual trauma. The final arc descends into this ludicrously overcomplicated conspiracy involving hallucinogenic drugs, human experimentation, possibly actual magic, all to explain how Fujiko was horribly abused as a child and repressed those awful memories through a life of cheap sex and fancy trinkets. Even the OP screams this point at the start of every episode: "The act of stealing lets her forget everything and keep her memories at a safe distance." She covers herself in jewels and men as if they can hide her shameful, scarred body from the horrors it was forced to endure, a lifetime of cheap thrills to escape the pain of her womanhood.

Except just when you think the whole conspiracy justifying this backstory can't get any more complicated, it overcomplicates itself even further to reveal that none of this actually happened. Turns out, Fujiko's repressed trauma memories were false memories implanted in her when she was already an adult as part of some roundabout cry for help from the actual victim. And in fact, Fujiko was already a sex-loving, treasure-grabbing femme fatale by the time those false memories were put in her. Not because of trauma, but because she just likes having sex and stealing things. And I'm not exaggerating when I say she all but looks the audience in the face and outright says, "See? Isn't it stupid and condescending trying to force a contrived rape narrative onto a female character just because she likes sex? Why can't I just be a bombshell who loves what she does without having to feel ashamed of it? Or does it only count as feminism if characters like me have to suffer for our sexiness?"

It's a genuinely wild subversion that feels a decade ahead of its time. But therein lies the problem: you still have to sit through a mostly straightforward grim and gritty deconstruction to get to the point where it points out how stupid most grim and gritty deconstructions are. And if the point was to criticize those kinds of stories just by being an example of one, well, all I can say is that it succeeded. It absolutely feels at times like a pointlessly dark and edgy paint job slapped on top of a story for the sake of feeling "mature" when all that really means is lots of rape and uncomfortable sexual hangups. Did I mention there's a Class S episode where Fujiko becomes the teacher at an all-girls school and proceeds to have affairs with multiple of her students? Because that happens, and I could feel my skin trying to crawl off my body the entire time.

Like I said in an earlier post, this isn't fanservice in the traditional sense. In fact, with the ending reveal in mind, the presentation and execution is almost maddeningly confrontational, as if daring you not to see it for the cheap shock value it is. You can almost hear Yamamoto and Okada laughing behind the scenes as you scramble to find an explanation for why all this misery porn needed to exist, only for the show itself to say "Actually, yeah, this was all pretty tasteless and crass, who would actually want Fujiko's story to be like this?" But it's still a frustrating fucking show to watch in the moment because all that possibly intentional metafictional subversion just reads as straight-up boring edgy grimdark before you're shown the man behind the curtain. Or, woman behind the curtain. Whatever.

I dunno, I don't think I can give this one a proper score. 5/10, I guess? Ask me in a few months and see if that's changed at all. For now, I'm more than happy to polish off my Yamamoto back catalogue and move onto something else. Which 2013 show will take its place, I wonder?

#anime #tabw #the anime binge watcher #the woman called fujiko mine #lupin the third #lupin III #2012 aniwatch

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johanna-swann · 6 months ago

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It's been a few days, I've had time to sleep on it and I changed my mind. The season 7 finale was the worst finale yet. In short: The entire thing felt super rushed, there was next to no emotional payoff, the main plot made no sense and I was underwhelmed / confused the whole time.

The end result, where the characters are at right now, the position from which they will start into season 8 I'm happier with than last season (goodbye forced heteronormativity), but the way we got there was... not good. (Long review under the cut. Like, long review. I have a lot of thoughts.)

Just as in 6x18 the pacing of that episode was all over the place. There was this main plot that they teased us with, the "whatever is going to happen? are they all going to survive? what will the consequences be?" and then halfway through the episode that big mystery was resolved and there were no consequences.

I remember the bridge collapse last year was super underwhelming because they just rushed through the incident in a way that gave us no time to even worry about the characters much. Buck finally was put in a position where he had to assume leadership and then that lasted for exactly the time it took him to get to Hen and once she was awake, she took over as acting Captain. Nobody was hurt so badly that we had to assume the worst. That one earthquake victim showed up which was supposed to be meaningful I guess, but it just felt random. (I doubt most viewers even remembered a random victim from 4 seasons ago. I sure didn't until someone else pointed out it was the same actor.) And then the danger was suddenly just over. The "big dramatic disaster" took up less than 20 minutes and there were no consequences. There's a reason why 6x18 only made 99th place out of 106 episodes on imdb.

7x10 repeated those very same mistakes all over again, but worse. In this case the two big questions concerning the main plot were "Who committed the arson?" and "Will Bobby be okay?". Both questions barely had to be asked at all because 1) it was very clear (and not at all a plot twist as some early reviews suggested) that Amir was innocent and the generic Latino drug smuggler cartel (loved that btw, who came up with this bullshit) was involved. 2) this is 911. The main characters don't die. The least I expected though were some heartfelt moments between the rest of the team holding each other up, people sitting with Bobby and talking to him, maybe some parallels to last season when we had a similar situation with Buck.

Instead it takes almost 10 minutes until the other characters even figure out something is wrong and we proceed to focus heavily on Athena who's going rogue again and keeps critical information from her Captain because she wants to take revenge personally. She then threatens an innocent civilian with her service weapon while off duty which - as we learnt in 2x08 from none other than Athena herself - under California law is an assault. Well done 911, a show who has previously criticised Cops abusing their power but keeps writing stories for Athena to do the exact same thing. Wtf.

Anyway, my point was that we spent so much time following Athena around on her nonsensical quest for revenge that we barely even have scenes with Bobby in the hospital. Once the generic cardboard cutout cartel is dealt with it turns out that Bobby despite having been without his own heartbeat for 14 minutes, despite having been seizing and on a ventilator last we saw him, despite the Doctor being unsure if he'd wake up at all is actually just fine. Perfectly happy and healthy even. Okay. My bad for expecting something more here I guess.

Bottom line, the main plot around the arson was very straight forward (I don't know which part here was supposed to be considered a plot twist and using Amir as a very obvious red herring twice just seems lazy), had little emotional impact and "the big showdown" was very anticlimactic. Basically the same things I also criticised about the last season finale and I don't think it's a coincedence that 7x10 is the second worst rated episode as of right now. At least the bridge collapse made sense.

One storyline they (temporarily) wrapped up rather well is the one around Mara and Henren. This will be picked up again in season 8, but for now we know Mara is in a safe place, she can have contact to the Wilsons and it might also evolve into Madney discussing having another kid in the next season. I don't feel bad waiting 3 or 4 months for how this continues. However I still think that they should've waited with the plot around the council woman for season 8 maybe. Have Henren take in Mara, show them growing together as a family, show Mara slowly opening up to them. But season 7 had so much personal drama going on already, maybe if they had pushed the incident with Ortiz, her son and her revenge plot to season 8 it would've helped keeping these last few episodes more grounded. They still could've shown Mara struggling to fit in in her new home and all of that.

Madney didn't have much going on this season. The wedding episode had its moments of course, but those were contained to the confines of 7x06. Now they've taken in Mara and there's potential to build on that, but nothing that has been explicitly teased at yet.

The Eddie/Kim Doppelgänger plot was just unhinged. It was sort of fun and I enjoyed it in a way that I also enjoy Doctor Who, Umbrella Academy or Legends of Tomorrow when they go off the charts again with their weirdness levels, but did it really fit into 911 as a show? I don't know. It's also not exactly clear yet if they're going to bring back either Marisol or Kim next season. And like, I get it. Tim Minear regrets killing off Shannon, but for the love of god just stand by your mistake. She's dead. It's been 5 seasons. We already had a plot where Eddie realised that he can't date just to give Christopher a mother figure, we already had an arc where Eddie realised that if he starts dating again he has to do it for himself, we've had scenes where Eddie admitted he was angry with Shannon for wanting a divorce, for leaving or that he still misses her sometimes, we've seen Eddie and Christopher keep up traditions to mourn her together (visiting the grave, smores). I get that grief doesn't follow a specific timeline, but still. Can we please just move on already.

Also I don't understand why they had Christopher move to El Paso. Eddie's parents are both retired, they could've stayed in LA to support Christopher instead. Chris is probably a lot closer to a bunch of relatives they have in LA than he is to his grandparents too, what about Tía Pepa? I'll be honest, even if I was in a bad place and my kid was angry with me, I would not let my 13 year old who impulsively and in the middle of the night called his grandparents (who have a history of manipulating Eddie into giving Chrisopher to them) move over a thousand kilometres away, away from his school, his friends and all the other family members he's close too. There are other options. (Also why was Buck there? He was in the room, but that's about it. Again, my bad that I had the expectation he'd be there for a reason.)

Then we have Buck and Tommy. Nothing much going on here either. I get that keeping Tommy around for 7x09 and 7x10 was a bit of a last minute decision, it was probably difficult to schedule filming with the actor etc. But that doesn't stop other characters from talking about Tommy. Instead we still barely know what's going on. Are they officially boyfriends? How do they spend their time together, do they have a hobby in common? How long have they been dating? They're still cute, but it seems a little superficial.

Which brings me to a big issue: The timeline. What the fuck is going on with the timeline? I don't even mean the obvious mistake with Tommy leaving the 118 "5 years ago". But Henren are talking about adoption and according to my research adopting a foster kid takes at least 9 months. The cruise ship disaster happened "last march". What? What is going on? How much time are we missing here? Have Bucktommy been dating for a year now and we don't even know? How long was the Eddie/Kim thing going on? Then again, if we're missing an entire year, wouldn't Buck have been with the 118 for 8 years instead of 7 as Bobby said? I am so confused.

Another thing that has been mentioned before is that season 7 barely felt like a procedural drama. It was so chock-full with the characters' personal drama that it felt more like a soap at times. How many calls did we even have this season, especially in 7b? Episode 6 was the wedding, I only remember the abduction case from ep. 7, ep. 8 was Bobby begins once again, ep. 9 only had a montage and no specific calls and ep. 10 didn't have any calls at all. Hopefully this change will be reversed in season 8 when we get more than 10 episodes again.

Only thing left to mention is the "cliffhanger" with Gerrard. Is it really a cliffhanger though? Doesn't feel like the stakes are high enough to call it a cliffhanger. They're stuck with an asshole for a Captain, getting rid of him will be an important storyline in season 8, but it's also not as dramatic as they're trying to make it seem. A big part of the reason why Gerrard's 118 was so bad back in the begins episodes is that Chim and Hen felt isolated. They didn't have back-up against Gerrard, nobody helped them or spoke up for them. That is very much not the case this time. They all still have each other and Gerrard will not stick around forever. It will suck, but it also doesn't seem like a death sentence.

In conclusion: Most of the finale was just plain bad. Not cleverly written, not well balanced, not emotionally rewarding, not planned out enough. There's little positive I can take away from this episode. Some storylines weren't explored enough, others did get the necessary screentime and still made no sense. Not all of these mistakes were made just in the finale, some have been happening for most of season 7. Let's hope for a better season 8.

#911 abc #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #season 7 finale

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faejilly · 1 year ago

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one thing i hate in fics is when they say that alec is less flexible than magnus, matt being less flexible than harry? absolutely.

but ALEC LIGHTWOOD accomplished warrior, master archer, and much more, being less flexible than magnus just doesn’t make sense to me,

like i’m my mind all shadowhunters are crazy insane flexible bc it just doesn’t make sense that they’re not, so that whole notion is bullshit to me and once i would love to see alec being more flexible than magnus

12/10... I would say no notes but actually I have SO MANY NOTES so the meme dies with me. (This is not a new thing. 😅)

There are a lot of different types of 'flexible' but I will agree that like... Magnus' physicality is absolutely partly about knowing he can handle any situation thrown at him, is part self-defense and psychological armor and health, strengthens his magic and his mind and his mood, but it's also for FUN and dancing and teasing and playing!

And all of that, even the self-defense & fighting when necessary, is entirely different than the physicality of a trained soldier who fights every single damned day of his life and has since he was (at least) ten, and probably younger.

(Shadowhunters were all child-soldiers! They're deeply fucked up and violent and competent! EMPHASIS ON VIOLENTLY COMPETENT.)

And I wrote a whole tangent on child-soldiers and Alec as a mentor but that is NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT WHOOPS, I'll try and come back to that somewhere else at some point.

The whole point of Shadowhunters, however, is that they can successfully fight demons AND (however reprehensible this bit is) they have the skill & power to subjugate the entire Down World, including the Warlocks who have vast and flexible magical powers that can pretty much do anything they want them to.

Now, part of this is numbers, because even if they are in a constantly losing battle against the demons, they do still have children which as far as we know none of the Downworlders can manage.

But part of this must be that they can, in fact, handle/fight against magic, demonic skills, and people who have hundreds to thousands of years of experience keeping themselves alive in a world that is hostile to them. They can hold their own against vampires and werewolves and warlocks and even seelie knights who ALSO TRAIN TO FIGHT FOR DECADES OR CENTURIES, because the fae do in fact prefer to stay in their own realm rather than fight for an equal seat at the table with the nephilim.

Like. WTF think about that. The Seelie Queen is capricious and powerful and power-hungry and terrifying and she lets her people be second-class citizens in our realm because it's not worth trying to fight the nephilim.

Now part of that is clearly she doesn't want to have to be the one dealing with demons and she does in fact have her own realm to live in, but still.

STILL.

Nephilim must be absolutely horrifying.

The most famous 'greeting' from angels when they meet humanity is "Be Not Afraid" but nephilim want and encourage that fear.

They are infected with angelic grace in a way that overrides their humanity, in a way that even overrides demonic power, because children of nephilim are always nephilim even when they don't know it, even when one of their parents is demonic or Downworlder. (Even Jonathan Morgenstern is still a nephilim, as well as everything else he is because of Lilith's blood & Valentine's abuse.) They have runes to enhance and control and shape their angelic grace, but even without a single rune activated they are not mundane.

Even a bb!nephilim with minimal training like Clary can survive being thrown off a building and breaking every part of her body. She survives! (When apparently unprepared and without active runes!) Long enough to be healed with magic/iratzes/handwaved-something-or-other off screen and for it to be entirely irrelevant five minutes later. Alec gets stabbed in the heart with adamas (which has been shown to be very hard to heal from in other contexts!) and is fine the next episode! We all kind of complained about the lack of healing/comfort/explanation in the show, but THINK ABOUT IT.

They can heal from almost anything to the point that they're child soldiers who don't even have to learn what mundanes would consider basic first aid because they don't need it.

Magnus puts on a good show but he is terrified of the Circle returning. Now there are a lot of very good reasons for this, including politics and prejudice and systemic power structures but it is also because nephilim even on an individual level are terrifying.

They have to be, or their historic ability to oppress the rest of the world falls apart. They can neutralize and hold their own against vast cosmic powers (the more powerful demons) and ancient vicious capricious warriors who have no love for them (fae) and/or wild magic powered by incredibly emotional beings who are terrified for their lives and souls and giving it their all because they have absolutely nothing the fuck left to lose (warlocks), and the nephilim consistently, reliably, win.

Not without cost, of course, but still. They win. They are not trained to survive or outlast or get away to hide and fight back another day, which is clearly the goal of most Down Worlders. They are trained to end a threat quickly and economically and sacrifice themselves if necessary to do it. (Survival is preferable, so you're around to fight the next thing too, but it is understood that it is not always possible.)

Realistically, this means that if a nephililm is actually trying to fight they will be able to do things with their body that are impossible, and they will be able to work through damage that would be fatal to everyone else without even flinching, and if you're close enough to see how a nephilim can really move you're probably already dead you just don't know it yet.

#jilly answers #Anonymous #my sh rambling #sh meta #eldritch angels #shadowhunters #idek how to tag this ramble sorry not sorry #there is of course the fact that #if you're close enough to a nephilim who ISN'T FIGHTING #but does still wish to show you what they can do #you're probably in for a good time #dancing or rock-climbing or fucking or whatever #but it might be a little disturbing if they're not careful #because that's still not RIGHT that a body can do that

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ceruleanwhore · 1 year ago

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Since I’ve seen so much Silvio hate since his route release, I wanted to take a minute to talk about why all 3 of the visiting foreign princes make me uncomfortable because I believe in equality. Please keep in mind that I am on a break from the ikepri app rn so I have not actually played Silvio’s route, though I did read a translation of it on here previously, but I��m going to try to avoid using stuff from that.

Starting with the man of the hour, first to be released, I’d sum up my feelings about his character as “eat the rich — literally not sexually ya numpty.” He is the embodiment of everything I’ve ever hated about capitalism and the 1% and genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, it would delight me to watch him die because of how he represents that. His jangling, the way he throws his money around (the fact he has, what, 10 billion for Rio to waste on a gem at auction in Rio’s route), and, most importantly, the complete lack of any apparent morality or humanity. He demands everyone respect him because of that money (respect as in deference that comes with authority) while he throws around his bullshit bootstrap rhetoric and refuses to treat anyone at all with respect (respect as in the basic human decency kind). There’s also a seriously sadistic streak in him and so it’s not enough to be a billionaire prince, he also has to take this random woman as his indentured servant and constantly upset her on purpose and demean her to punish her for someone else’s accident.

Next up is Gilbert who, to me, is just plain annoying more than anything else. He and Chev never really scared me or anything with all the violence since it’s super predictable with them, so that doesn’t really bother me, per se, but the way he’s a pushy little dick in social situations pisses me off and if I were Emma I’d be dead because I would’ve yelled at him within like 5 seconds of meeting him. The hell of it’s that he’s supposed to be this master manipulator but he doesn’t seem to even be all that good at manipulation since his is so ham-fisted, he’s just a pushy asshole. My thing with both him and Silvio is that I fucking hate money and I fucking hate authority and I believe that no one, including myself, should have it the way they do, and it makes me immensely angry to watch them use those things to abuse others.

Now, I saved Keith for last because he’s actually the worst of the three in my opinion and he genuinely scares the shit out of me, and not because he happens to have DID, but because of what sort of people main!Keith and alter!Keith are.

WARNING! MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE AND TRUE CRIME

Main!Keith just strikes me as being the kind of guy who would beat his gf and eventually kill her and, every time I see him, he reminds me of the Yellow Dress assembly my high school did about domestic abuse. He seems like the shy, insecure nerd who, in the early days, would worship the ground his gf walks on and just be so grateful that she decided to give him a chance, etc., until that turns into possessive jealousy over time, which then would feed into him isolating her, turning more violent, and then maybe killing her and hiding her body in the woods. Genuinely, the last event story I read with Keith made me INTENSELY uncomfortable from the very beginning because he had these vibes and I don’t know if I’ll be able to read his story because, in my head, Emma will already be dead, basically.

As for alter!Keith, he seems like the kind of guy who would literally be a serial killer, just going off the event stuff I’ve read, plus the second prologue and other act II routes. I could genuinely see him killing with no real rhyme or reason, unlike Chev and Gilbert who are so completely predictable. If main!Keith gives me true crime vibes in a OJ Simpson way, alter!Keith is more like a David Parker-Ray sort of true crime, and they both scare the living shit out of me. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is seeing so many people in the fandom talk about how much they love Keith and how nice and cute they think he is when, to me, he’s one of the scariest fictional characters I’ve ever encountered, mainly because I know he’s supposed to be a romantic lead in spite of everything I just said. Silvio and Gilbert would annoy me to death but Keith would do arts and crafts with my skin and hide my chopped-up body in the woods.

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikeprince #ikepri critical #ikepri salt

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poppyandzena · 1 year ago

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I've always felt uneasy about Poppy. Something about her on stream set off alarm bells. Literally, like within moments of the first time watching them. I think some survivors develop a certain sense about potential abusers or unsafe people. It's visceral. Often survivors come to know specific clusters of codified behaviors that many abusers exhibit. Poppy displays many of these behaviors, both covertly and overtly. It is genuinely concerning. I mean, her x/twitter TL is overflowing with coercive, humiliating messages for her "mates".

Are there other survivors who experienced a similar gut feeling about Poppy early on? Are there any behaviors or instances that ultimately validated that gut feeling?

Your gut feeling is very right on the money. I've never been sexually victimized, so my alarm bells were "shut off" to give the benefit of the doubt until I couldn't anymore. I only knew of Zena and Poppy from their first Courtney video. I was dissatisfied by how unorganized the interview was. I'm of the belief that a survivor's account of their horrific abuse should be told in a professional, neutral setting. Mormon Stories Podcast did this quite well in regards to Jessie Hildebrandt.

Poppy was inappropriately nonchalant and off-topic often. I found myself frustrated when Poppy would go on tangents about how she's prettier than Lily or some dumb Twitter bullshit. Poppy's questions left a lot to be desired and Courtney did 100% of the conversational heavy lifting in regards to substance.

The first thing someone--especially a survivor--might recognize is how Poppy consistently injects herself when it is not necessary. On Twitter, Poppy's narcissism is fully unmasked. She compliments her partners by how good they benefit her or make her feel. She misconstrues a possessiveness kink with being an unrepentant, controlling asshole.

Responsible kink/sexual contact is done with the full knowledge and consent of all parties. Poppy will straight up sexually harass strangers on Twitter and get mad when they indicate that they don't like it. She insists she isn't doing anything wrong because she's "succubian" and "a flirty bitch." The reality is she's a serial sexual predator who purposefully disregards the consent of other's for her sexual gratification.

Poppy has this nagging motif of controlling others. It codes her language and actions all of the time. She jokes about how she "transed Lily's sister." She insisted that Courtney was not straight and removed the autonomy for them to come to terms with their sexuality. On multiple occasions, Poppy has used the prospect of feminization surgery to either lure or claim possession over the bodies of her partners. "I will make my girlfriend hotter with each visit." Keep in mind she often hasn't been with these women for longer than a year, or even six months, and she's already claiming ownership of the transition of their bodies.

Poppy frames minor setbacks, inconveniences, or disagreements as either life-ending or abuse. She is not receptive to criticism. When the most minor of issues or non-issues occur, you will bet that she's crying about it on Twitter with a crusty anime jpeg. This completely takes the other partners' privacy and agency away from them. If you are Poppy's partner, you are not guaranteed that your conversations are private.

Yet, Poppy is outwardly against "confidants" in her polycule. This is information control. She does not want her partners to develop closer relationships with each other, as there will be a risk of confiding about Poppy's abuse. This is why she is so aggressive towards metamours and will frame their actions as abuse against her, to force her paramours to distance themselves from other love interests.

She's already doing that with Noeh, swerving between hypersexual love bombing and passive aggressive vague posts about "enabling abuse against her." This is not the first time she has done this and it won't be the last.

Lastly, she scopes out potential victims constantly, worming her way into people's lives and offering to "adopt" them or "be their succubus." This ramps up when she is in conflict with one of her partners. It's cyclical behavior that follows established abuse frameworks. Lovebombing, control, inciting incident, attack, withdrawal, ultimatum, "resolution", lovebombing and repeat until she is bored of you and tosses you aside for a newer victim. Her turnover rate for relationships is fucking insane and NOT normal for a poly relationship.

In order to avoid people like Poppy, I urge you to keep trusting your gut. Normal, lasting relationships should make you feel secure and calm. Do not override your boundaries for the sake of other people. Don't afraid to be a bitch when people are not taking your "no." These people will find it harder to prey on you when you respect your identity, your intelligence, your strength, and your body.

@transpersian and @helavitrum are ex partners of Poppy and can attest to the power of trusting yourself.

#poppy #poppy and zena #zena and poppy #poppy diabolique #ladydiabolique #poppy & zena

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gothe · 5 days ago

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you once talked about lesbian culture in arabic countries. im curious, what does it look like? i mean, do they have the butch femme thing going on too and is it more visible at schools? have the mullahs caught up on it? i mentioned that because thanks to tv and now facebook, the mullahs have made the people in my country way more retarted and regressive than they were 20+ years ago. theyve scared the stupid normies so much that it has fried their critical thinking parts of their brains. the normies dont stop and think for once that "hey if we didnt believe in any of this made up shit all the mullahs would have 0 money & worth and would be in mental asylums. maybe thats why theyre so hellbent on us believing & fearing the made up nonsense they spout on tv & live conferences?"

i’d like to specify that i meant arabic countries in the gulf and not all of them. from what I’ve heard the gay female scene in my country is 99% butch/femme, i say 99% cause what i heard is that there’s not any fem4fem relationships and i assume the same goes for mascs. it is visible in schools because there were a lot of masculine presenting girls in my high school, though i don’t know if they’re all gay (i was never really involved in the scene) - i think women here might choose to present masculine if they feel their facial features don’t fit a feminine presentation - and one time in middle school one of my classmates who i was friends with said she loved me, i was so sheltered i had no idea it was even romantic at the time but nevertheless i rejected her cause i didn’t feel even platonic love for her. lesbian relationships very much occur in schools, keep in mind most of our schools are sex segregated because of islam so it’s all girls’ schools i’m talking about. i had to look up what a mullah is honestly, so far nothing systemic has happened from what i know in objection to the amount of gay women here, of course some parents are homophobic and will still abuse their gay daughters but like i said nothing systemic

yeah unfortunately religious people are pretty malleable and will believe the craziest shit if it is said to be according to their religion, you have to consider that they’re all worshipping a whole fucking pedophile (mohammad) so i wouldn’t have put any faith in them to begin with lmao. pedophile apologists’ values are malleable, so of course they will believe anything some islamic so-called scholar tells them. i say this because they defend pedophilia in that one circumstance but not ‘modern’ times. their values are pitifully prone to change depending on the circumstance. if somebody is open to believing that pedophilia is okay in ANY circumstance then they’ll believe any ridiculous bullshit

#ask

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victimsofyaoipoll · 1 year ago

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alright time to write an essay detailing whatever yaoi has done to my girl nancy wheeler. so like, even when it comes to yaoi shippers nancy has had stonathan, harringrove, AND steddie over four seasons with steddie already having massive popularity + the other shippers, wheras thankfully eleven only has to deal with byler shippers when it comes to the victimization. but not to diminish eleven any more because she has def gone through it in fandom, im going to get into nancy's stuff: you will notice all three ships she supposedly gets in the way of (ignoring jargyle because the shippers are chill in my experience) involve steve harrington, AKA the most popular character if i had to guess and the white boy of the month. see, they were dating at one point in s1 and s2. the breakup was messy. like he kinda was complicit in her slutshaming at one point and didnt let her grieve her dead best friend properly and she ambiguously (as in nobody can fucking decide when the break up was) cheated on him so yeah. messy. mutually. if not more on steve's side given he was a bit of an asshole in s1-2 but gets better. yadda yadda fast forward to harringrove in particular, AKA steve x the guy who attacked a black child and abused his younger sibling (and im not attacking anyone thats just. what happened). basically 90% of them try to convince people nancy is abusive for the two arguments that occurred and is a slut and privileged (never mind steve being probably the most well off member of the main cast + hes a white guy in the 80s) blah blah blah. also ironic they call her abusive OFTEN when billy (one half of harringrove) kinda like threatens his sister max and breaks her things and otherwise abuses her Often. but yeah. they hate her for breaking his heart. they hate her for getting in the wya of their ship possibly. they hate her in general. add that to the general fandom misogyny and suddenly a large number of people are writing essays about how much they hate her and how she's a piece of shit, actually. fast forward to s4 and steddie and a new problem arises: steddie shippers keep flooding her character and ship tags with primarily steddie. so now your options regarding her are mlm ships and mlm shippers shitting on her. also keep in mind there is now more content for half of that ship, a guy who shows up for an hour and dies in the same season, than nancy, a mc. and if you like nancy ships like jancy or ronance, too bad those tags are flooded as well. as in someone did analytics in august for ronance i think and at one point the majority of main pairings in the ronance ao3 tags itself was steddie. either way both ships usually end up as side ships or bait into a steddie centric fic or tumblr post. or nancy ends up third wheeling and getting them together. as a nice bonus (not really) recently steddie shippers have decided that they too hate nancy and have entire posts and common plots (i have seen tumblr ficlets/hc's and people discussing this as a common trope for steddie fics on ao3) about how nancy was a horrible person who damaged steve's self esteem and ability to be in a relationship or something from a break up, as if the relationship wasnt mutually harmful and compounded by nancy's whole dead best and possibly only friend thing. and whoops for ships like ronance that isnt allowed either because steve's friend isn't allowed to interact with his ex despite the fact that said friend literally said he was an ass in the s1-2 timeline. all of this making it impossible to find any positive content without it being interrupted for a character who, if i remember correctly, has almost as much screentime as eleven (and eleven at least has popular fan content and other ships that dont somehow loop around to byler/mike). and whats worse is that while canon doesnt have yaoi victimization it does have heteronormative bullshit in which she is forced into a love triangle with the same guys TWO TIMES. she literally cant win so let her win a poll maybe also sorry this is super fucking long <3

Whoooo Nancy

#not poll #propaganda

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kick-a-long · 2 months ago

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My (psychologically, sexually) abusive ex would get all lecturey about how no one should ever do violence ever. This got incredibly extreme, to the point of his saying self-defense was bad, and he tied that up in his abuse of me. That, along with how I was raised to believe that I must forgive everyone immediately at all times, fucked me up. I'm over it now. So yeah the terrorists who got eunuch-ized are human beings. They're horrible human beings, the worst kind one can be. Only human beings can be that awful. I'm sad for the very, very few non-terrorists who were hurt. It's the terrorists' fault. But as for the terrorists themselves? The point was that their communications were totally disrupted, which is a smart thing to do in war. The blowing up of dicks is just icing. Thank you, Israel, that was awesome and I hope you can do it again.

i'm happy to hear you got out of that. weaponizing demands for compassion and tolerance of bigotry and meanness piss me off so much.

i see red when people tell people, ESPECIALLY women, how angry or emotional they are allowed to be. i try not to tell people to be angrier because anger isn't always good for us. however we all should all be taught to recognizing when someone is telling you to ignore or excuse a person or situation that is making your life worse... i get a little feral about it.

giving terrorists sympathy is just the most wild and undeserved off shoot of this weird cultural shift where people are starting to openly associate might makes right and the biggest bully with the most minion is the most deservingly powerful, and that isn't true. it's always been there but it wasn't always in educated circles. it a disaster for our culture.

i take it personally. it's a control thing and means women (at least mostly but also just nice, socially minded people) are taught to put up with a LOT more bullshit than they should. my sister in law was dating this horrible woman (whom i kid you not) demanded my sister in law get beer/cook/clean because she was more fem, accused her of cheating all the time and literally wanted her to keep her face time on while she slept so she could keep tabs on her. when she finally raised the fact that she was thinking of breaking up, i was like YES! you are a million times better than her and nothing about the way she treated you was normal or good. and within like a month she got together with this sweet, smart, beautiful girl who is perfect for her and they have almost like esp they are so in love. bullies ruin lives, and ignoring them only gets you so far. imo

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roanofarcc · 1 year ago

Text

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER EIGHTEEN → NO MIRACLES

summary: steve harrington x oc

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count: 5.9k || masterlist

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

notes: we’re back for season 2! thank you for all the love for this story <3 also! yes, the face claim for sunshine is jessie mei li aka alina starkov - who is who sunshine is largely inspired by. she is the love of my life, okay? and we’re introducing more ocs which I am so excited about. tamera & and calum are like if mulder and scully from the x-files were a little more silly and a lot more empty in the head. again, thank you for reading and feedback is always appreciated!

previous chapter ← → next chapter

“This whole town is upside down, man. I mean, what the hell is the matter with everyone?”

A teenage girl’s attention was pulled away from the book she’d been reading as she manned the front desk of Hawkins Public Library and was forced onto her best friend. Tamera Willow sighed and closed her book, knowing she’d get no more reading done as long as he was there.

The disgruntled boy shuffled his way over to the desk and dramatically slapped his hands down on the wooden countertop.

“What’re you talking about?” Tamera asked, already knowing the answer but she knew it was better to ask when it came to Calum Miller and his mind that moved a million miles a minute.

“I just don’t get it,” he groaned. “How everyone is so unphased, sitting around like everything is totally normal now. They’re acting like a year ago the weirdest shit didn’t happen here. It’s bullshit.”

Calum had been Tamera’s best friend since she could toddle on her two feet; she knew him better than he knew himself, most of the time.

Standing in front of her, Calum’s cheeks were flushed from the late October air, and he shivered slightly because the only jacket he’d worn was too thin and stolen from his father’s closet. Calum’s blond hair was a little overgrown from how he usually kept it, even though his mother was a hairdresser and would cut it for free anytime he liked.

Tamera shrugged her shoulders. She knew that no matter what she said, none of it would get through his thick skull. The two had been trapped in the same roundabout conversation for nearly a year; it ended the same way every time.

“You gotta let this go, dude.”

Calum scoffed, offended. “Seriously?” There was a twist of anger on his face, but she knew it wasn’t directed at her. “There are still two people missing and no one gives two shits about them. The only thing they care about is the two kids who came back from the dead.”

“Hey,” Tamera snapped, darting her eyes toward a table near the back of the library where three teens sat. “Keep your voice down, will ‘ya? She’s literally right over there.”

Calum followed Tamera’s line of sight and spotted Danielle Torres, otherwise known as the girl who, after ten years, returned home somehow.

Tamera continued, “I know this whole thing with your dad is hard, I do, but your mom said he just walked out.” Calum shook his head as his anger morphed his something more childish and sadder. She reached out and squeezed his arm lightly, “Sometimes dads leave, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. It wasn’t fair, and he shouldn’t have left like that, without any kind of heads-up. But you can’t blame that on those kids who came back. They are some kind of…I don’t know, a miracle. That’s what everyone’s been saying, anyway. You can’t hold that against them, though, it’s not fair either.”

She tried, she really did, but Calum was too stubborn.

“No, my mom’s wrong. He didn’t just leave.” Tamera let her hand fall from his arm and let out an exasperated sigh. “Come on, Mara, don’t you think it’s too big of a coincidence that my dad just so happened to up and leave the very same week that both Will and Barbara go missing and Danielle magically returns?”

He didn’t believe in coincidences, Tamera had come to learn. Everything had meaning to him, which was fine in some regards, but more often than not it drove her up the wall.

“He didn’t say goodbye. He would have said goodbye if he was leaving my mom; I know he would have. My parents weren’t fighting. There was no reason for him to leave like that. He is missing, I know it. I know he’s missing, just like Barbara Holland. And I-I don’t know how, but it has to have something to do with everything shady that went on last fall.”

He had no proof, of course. He only had his list of coincidences that somehow included Will Byers and Danielle Torres, and that branched out to include everyone in connection to them. The entire Byers family, the Torres family, Steve Harrington, and Nancy Wheeler were just a few people he had listed in some notebook in which he documented every hunch he had about what happened to his father. It all was based on a feeling and a childish hope for a bigger mystery at play.

“Miracles don’t happen in Hawkins,” Calum said. “Have you seen this place? It’s not right. There is something wrong here, I’m telling you.”

Blowing air from her rounded cheeks, Tamera muttered, “You are quite the optimist today, aren’t you.” He didn’t even crack a smile at her snide remark. “I need you to get real for a second. You have zero evidence. You can’t just accuse people of shit.”

His expression shifted again and he gazed at her almost challengingly before digging around inside his backpack and pulling out his notebook. “Actually, I’ll have you know, I do have evidence of this shit. This,” he pointed to a page with messily sprawled information that looked borderline like the utterings of a madman. “This is a timeline of everything weird that’s happened in Hawkins, and it starts with Danielle’s disappearance in ‘73. Then, there’s hardly anything out of the ordinary for a couple of years until this woman, Terry Ives, claims her daughter was stolen before she was declared off her rocker. Danielle's case goes cold, and so do the claims of Terry. Danielle is presumed dead and apparently, Terry’s child died at birth. Then, there’s nothing out of the ordinary until last year, when Will seemingly vanishes in an eerily similar way to Danielle gone without a trace. They pull a body from a lake and assume it’s Will’s, only to realize it was some out-of-towner that no one could identify, and Will reappears with Danielle like nothing ever happened.”

Tamera resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Will didn’t vanish into thin air, he got lost in the woods.” That was how the story went, printed in every newspaper in town, and was the topic of discussion for weeks after he was found last November. Things had finally started to calm down around Will and Danielle, a whole year later, but gossip in Hawkins never stopped completely. Calum wasn’t helping put any rumors to rest for the kids' sake.

“Please, there were search parties out in those woods for a day, and you’re telling me not a single person saw Will roaming around? He’s like, what, twelve? And he’s lived here his entire life. I don’t believe he simply got lost in the woods for a whole week. There’s no way.”

“I don’t know, the woods are pretty massive. If he was hurt or something, he couldn’t wander around and find his way out. Like, what if he had hit his head? Or maybe the search party was bad at their job. Either way, it was just a shitty situation with a happy ending. Can’t we leave it at that?”

He couldn’t, of course. Tamera’s efforts were fruitless, but she tried nonetheless.

“No way, I don’t think Will was in the woods at all. What if he ended up wherever Danielle was? I mean, that would explain how they came home at the same time,” Calum said.

“And where is that place, exactly?”

“I don’t know.” Tamera rolled her eyes, unable to contain her annoyance at his persistence. He refused to let go of its outlandish theories.

She felt for him; she did. She knew what it was like to have a shitty father, it was commonplace in Hawkins.

Calum continued, “You have to admit that it makes more sense if they happened to end up in the same place. Both of them returned home the same week; that is way too freaky to be some coincidence. And what about the body they pulled from the quarry? Don’t you think it’s weird that Will’s family didn’t realize the body wasn’t Will’s? They held a funeral for him and everything, only for it to be some random kid who isn’t even from Hawkins. Mind you, the kid’s name was never released to the public. Why? It’s too weird, Mara. There has to be something bigger going on.”

Rubbing her temples with the pads of her fingers, Tamera tried to will her headache away.

She had never been the biggest fan of Calum’s father, Ryan Miller. He was a stout man with a strange temper. He had never said anything to Tamera that would’ve made her dislike him, but there was something off about him that she couldn’t put her finger on.

When Calim first told her that his father was missing, she dropped everything to help him figure out what happened. When a week passed with no sign of him, Calum tried to get his mother to file a missing persons report, but Shannon Miller insisted that her husband had walked out on her and she didn’t have the heart to tell Calum right away.

Despite that simple explanation, Calum was deadset on the idea that his father was missing. Will and Barbara’s case only caused him to fall further down the rabbit hole.

Then, Will returned home, and so did Danielle. Calum spiraled and started to string together baseless theories that somehow his father’s disappearance had some connection to Will, Danielle, and their families and friends. He believed they were hiding something. Tamera believed he was crazy.

“Look,” she started, as gently as she could muster. “The things that happened last year were weird, I’ll give you that. But the chief has told you a million times that everything that happened can be easily explained-”

“He’s in on it too!”

Tamera groaned loudly. “Shut up and let me finish!” As much as it pained him, he pressed his lips together and silenced himself. “Danielle was kidnapped, okay? And yeah, it’s a super weird coincidence that she came back home the same week Will was found, Barbara ran away, and your dad left, but that is all it is a coincidence. Will was lost in the woods and some other kid fell into the quarry. His body was probably all kinds of fucked up, and that’s why his family couldn’t tell the difference between the two. Like I said, Barbara didn’t even go missing, she ran away from this shithole town and her parents are in denial. And your dad walked out on you and your mom.

“You are making up this elaborate conspiracy to make it all make sense. But you’re wasting your time. If you keep looking into this you’re going to get in trouble, okay? So just give it a rest.”

For a moment, Tamera thought she talked about sense into him, but his gaze shifted back onto the back table of the library where Nancy Wheeler and her boyfriend, Steve Harrington, stood up from their seats and disappeared into one of the study rooms. Danielle was alone, and there was a glint in Calum’s eyes.

“Maybe you’re right; maybe not. There’s only one way to find out.” And with that, he made a bee-line for Danielle Torres.

Muttering a string of curse words under her breath, Tamera chased him through the library, which earned her a couple of looks of disapproval from the group of elderly ladies in the middle of their weekly book club. She shot them a quick apologetic smile as she tried to catch Calum’s arm before he reached Danielle’s table. She did not want to watch him interrogate the very sweet girl that Tamera had gotten to know from her frequent trips to the library.

With a clumsy thud, Calum knocked against the table and startled the raven-haired girl, who had been engrossed in a series of notes spread out across the table.

“Sorry,” Calum recovered quickly and regained his composer, readying himself to play out his strange true-crime fantasy. He casually slid into the empty seat beside a very confused-looking Danielle and held out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Calum Miller.”

Hesitantly, Danielle shook his hand. “Um, hi?”

“You’re Danielle Torres, right?”

Tamera wanted to slap him upside the head, but instead, she said, “My friend here wanted to introduce himself, but it looks like you’re busy and we don’t want to bother you. Right, Cal?”

He ignored her and kept his focus on Danielle like he was some seasoned detective trying to uncover the “truth” by counting the faded freckles on Danielle’s cheeks. He wasn’t a detective, though, he was a teenage boy with an overactive imagination and no filter.

“It’s okay,” Danielle said, her voice soft. “It’s nice to meet you.” Her smile was soft too and the kind of pretty that caused Tamera to look anywhere but her face.

“What are you working on?” Calum asked, trying to act as causal as possible.

Of course, Danielle couldn’t see past his bullshit, that was a skill Tamera had learned over the years of being joined at the hip with Calum.

“Math. I’m, uh, trying to catch up.” Danielle spoke in a slow and careful way, as opposed to how Calum or even Tamera spoke, without thinking much about their words or how they sounded.

“Catch up? Wait, do you go to school?” His question was blunt and it caused a slight blush to creep up Danielle’s neck, like she was embarrassed.

“No. Not yet,” she replied simply.

Tamera hadn’t given much thought to what the process was of returning after ten years of being MIA. Danielle had ten years' worth of, well, everything to catch up on. Tamera couldn’t imagine what that was like.

An idea flickered inside Calum’s eyes. “Well, you know, Mara here is a little literary genius, the kind that reads Shakespeare for fun. And not to brag, but I’m a total math wiz. We’re like the best tutoring package deal there is in Hawkins. We could totally help you out, free of charge.”

His offer took both Tamera and Danielle by surprise. The latter furrowed her brows in thought before a less forced smile tugged on her lips.

Tamera, on the other hand, was trying to strangle her best friend with her mind.

It wasn’t that Tamera didn’t want to help Danielle, but she didn’t want that to be a front for getting the girl to spill her guts to them. Nearly everyone in Hawkins was dying to know the horrible, juicy details of Danielle’s ten years spend god only knew where, but Tamera was no one of those people. The idea that her hometown wasn’t as safe as she believe it to be left an awful taste in her mouth. The less she knew, the better. Unlike Calum, she was okay with being left in the dark.

“Really?” Danielle asked.

Calum nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, totally! Right, Mara?”

Reluctantly, Tamera nodded, even though she was very much against the idea.

Calum ripped a corner of paper off his notebook and stole one of the pens that were left on the tabletop before he wrote down his number and handed it to Danielle. “Just give me a call, and we can set it up.”

“Thank you,” Danielle said.

A new, yet familiar voice suddenly joined in on their conversation, which caused Tamera to tense suddenly.

“Miller? What’re you doing?”

Tamera grabbed a hold of Calum’s jacket sleeve and pulled him to his feet, trying to make a quick getaway, but Steve Harrington had arrived at the table before they could.

It was safe to say that Tamera disliked the washed-up jock, who had somehow fallen down the high school food chain. Since he started dating Hawkins princess, Nancy Wheeler, he’d become less of a dick, but Tamera did not believe that people changed that easily, especially just because of who they dated.

She and Calum were the kinds of people who Steve Harrington and his now-disbanded group of assholes shoved around; it had been that way since middle school. The two best friends had been tormented by the so-called “popular” kids of Hawkins for too long to forgive them easily. While Tamera did her best to avoid them at all costs, Calum liked to make a joke out of their interactions, like they hadn’t affected him at all.

“Ah, Harrington in all his glory!” Calum mused, hooking his arm with Tamera’s but standing firm enough that she couldn’t pull him away from the scene he was making. “Funny seeing you here. I didn’t think you knew where the library was.”

Steve made a face but before he could say anything, Tamera said, “Okay, come on. Let’s go.” She tugged on his arm, hard, and got him to move. She sent Danielle an apologetic smile and quickly bid her goodbye.

“Call me!” Calum shouted, earning a few glares from the other attendees of the library. He made a phone with his hand, extending his thumb and pinky, and held it against his ear as he was dragged away by Tamera back up to the front desk that she was supposed to be manning.

Once they were out of an earshot, she unhooked their arms and slapped Calum's shoulder.

“Ow!” he groaned, pulling his lips into a pout. “What the hell was that for?”

“What was that for? What the hell are you doing?”

“An opportunity fell into our lap. I took it,” he replied like it made total sense.

Throwing her hands up in the air in frustration, she said, “No! I’m not going to help you fish answers of a girl who is trying to live a normal life. Clearly, she wants to move on from whatever happened, and you trying to con her into telling you where she’s been for the last years for the nearly impossible chance that it’s connected to your father, is so fucked up, dude!”

His head was clouded and his vision was so laser-focused on finding his father, he didn’t see the issue with his plan. “It’s not conning if she just happens to tell us during one of our tutoring sessions. It’s friends sharing secrets. It’s foolproof and a win-win for everyone. She gets our help and we get some answers.” Tamera held her glare as he persisted. “It’s not wrong if we happen to befriend her and she happens to tell us what we want to know.”

If she weren’t in her place of employment and inside a library, she would have screamed. Instead, their fight continued in a hushed tone. “Befriending someone to get something out of them is wrong.” She felt like she was trying to explain something simple to a child who wasn’t listening. “You need to let this go before it bites you in the ass, and then bites me in the ass because there is no way you are torturing her alone.”

That was the thing about having a best friend; no matter what stupid or avoidable situation they find themselves in, if you couldn’t talk them out of it, you joined them. That was the rule between Tamera and Calum. They were a team, no matter how irritating the other’s plan was. If they won, they did it together, and if they screw up spectacularly, they did that together too.

“As I said, if she comes clean and there’s no connection to my dad, I’ll drop it for good. But if there is, then I deserve to know.”

Tamera pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to look at their situation from his perspective. He was too full of emotions, and he didn’t want to believe that his father left him without a warning.

It was a shitty situation, she understood why he was upset, but Calum had an overactive imagination. He looked at stars and believe they were UFOs. He heard something rustle in the woods and told everyone Big Foot was in Hawkins. There was never a reasonable, logical explanation for anything inside his head. To Calum, everything was so much bigger and confusing.

“Okay,” Tamera started. “Let’s say, hypothetically, there was a connection between your dad leaving and what happened to Danielle and maybe even Will. Let’s say you figure it out or she tells you the truth, then what?”

“Then I find my dad, obviously.”

Tamera sighed. “What if you can’t though? What if you learn the hypothetical truth but still can’t find him? Then what?”

He seemed to consider her words for a moment and cast his eyes downwards toward the sleeve of his jacket that was ripped, rubbing his finger over the bear threads.

Calum Miller was stubborn to a fault, and while that was one of the things she loved about him, it drove her crazy too.

“I know my dad,” he said after a beat. “I know he wouldn’t have left without at least some kind of goodbye and a reason why. When I find him, I’ll bring him back home, and I’ll do that with or without you. But, you know, without you will probably take me a lot longer. We’re kind of a package deal, Mara.”

Her lips tugged upward in an unwilling smile, the kind you get before you agree to do something stupid with your best friend just because you love them that much.

With her, they’d evade serious trouble; she was his impulse control and the last thing she wanted was for him to do something stupid alone and get hurt. She could do damage control and hopefully spare Danielle Torres too much trouble if she tagged along with Calum’s insane scheme.

“Fine,” she sighed, giving up arguing any further. “I’m in.”

→←

“Did Miller just hit on you?” Sunshine glanced up from the phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and watched Steve slide into the seat across the table.

She tilted her head to the side slightly, furrowing her brows. “He didn’t…hit me?”

A small laugh came from Steve as he shook his head. “No, no, no. Hit on you. Like, you know, flirt?” She looked at him oddly, prompting him to explain further. “He gave you his phone number, that’s usually how people flirt with each other.”

There were a lot of things that Sunshine was learning around the world she had re-entered, a whole ten years' worth of “normal” things she was trying to understand. Socializing was what she found the most difficult. There were a lot of phrases or cues that flew over her head. She often found herself confused in most conversations she had with people outside of her family, a group of middle schoolers, and the trio of monster hunters.

Almost one year to the date, Sunshine had been home. Yet, she still felt too far behind where she thought she would be. One year’s worth of being home and being the hottest topic of conversation in Hawkins, and she was still trying to wrap her head around it all.

Some people called her a miracle, but that word didn’t feel right. A miracle sounded easy like she had magically reappeared at her parents’ doorstep and everything that happened before that moment vanished, and she was back to being just Danielle Torres, not Seven or Sunshine. Her parents, nor the people of Hawkins had any clue of what she endured to get to that doorstep in the first place. They had no idea of who and what was lost along the way.

She underestimated how difficult it would be to come back and pretend like everything was back to the way it should have been all along.

“Oh, no,” she said. “He and Tamera said they’d help me with all of this.” Sunshine gestured to the messy table of notes and books.

She had almost underestimated how difficult it was to learn ten years' worth of schooling. Her parents and herself agreed that sending her to school in the fall wasn’t a good idea. She had missed too much to be tossed into the jaws of high school with very little proper education under her belt. Instead, her parents and Nancy had been helping her play catch up.

Some of it was easier than other parts. She had learned to read but her handwriting was nearly eligible. Math was torture and history was confusing, but the thing that Sunshine struggled the most with was understanding that it was okay to make mistakes, to mess up, and to not understand things quickly.

It was fear instilled deep in her bones from her time in the Lab. There was a persistent voice in the back of her head that told her if she messed up if she didn’t understand the work, she’d be punished for it. That caused her to grow irritable and frustrated easier.

Sunshine tried her best not to let that show in front of Nancy, Steve, or her parents, but the idea of failing made her sick to her stomach.

“You’re not gonna ditch Nance and me for them now, are you Sunshine?” Steve asked.

“Never,” she replied. Her eyes drifted onto the empty seat beside Steve. “Where did Nancy go?”

Nancy had left their table to fetch another book, but after a couple of minutes, Steve went to see if she needed help looking for it. The two disappeared, and that was when Tamera and her friend Calum showed up.

Steve returned, but Nancy had not.

Running a hand through his hair, which told Sunshine something was bothering him, and sighed. “She forgot that she promised her mom she’d stop by the store before dinner, so she left.”

He was lying, that much Sunshine knew.

She may have not been great at having conversations, but she could read people fairly well. That skill was acquired one from the Lab. Ivy said the best thing they could do was know when they were being lied to.

He lowered his voice, so as to not attract any attention from their fellow library go-ers, and said, “It’s Barb. She…She really misses her. We went to the Hollands for dinner the other night and they told us about the private investigator they hired to look for Barb.”

They’d never find her; no one would ever know what truly happened to Barbra Holland.

“Oh,” Sunshine said softly. Nancy took Barb’s death hard, as one would expect. She lost a best friend, and she couldn’t tell anyone the truth about what happened, she couldn’t talk about it.

“It’s hard for them, obviously. Will came back, and so did you. I guess they still have hope that she will too. Nancy wants to tell Barb’s parents the truth, but she can’t.” Steve leaned back in his seat, slumped and a little defeated in his posture. “The whole thing sucks, but I’m trying to keep her mind off it. I don’t think I’m doing a great job, though.”

Sunshine’s stomach sunk into a familiar feeling; she often found herself falling into fits of sadness more often as fall rolled across Hawkins. The ache of the memories of what went down almost a year ago crawled to the forefront of her mind and tried to drag her down into a void of depression she wasn’t sure she’d be able to find her way out of. The feeling, the sadness made her feel ungrateful, but she couldn’t fight it off.

Steve reached out across the table and bumped his hand against hers, drawing her out of her spiral. He started to collect the notes and books from the tabletop and shove them in his backpack.

“Come on, let’s call it a day. I don’t think my brain can handle another equation.” Sunshine nodded and gathered her things before she slung her backpack over her shoulders.

Steve did the same and said he’d walk Sunshine home.

The cool air flushed the pair’s cheeks as they walked side by side down the empty sidewalks of downtown Hawkins. Her home was only a couple blocks from the library, resting one street over from the downtown strip.

Sunshine took in the decorations that hung from storefronts as everyone prepared for Halloween, which was the last holiday she had yet to celebrate for what she considered the first time. According to Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and Will, it was the best holiday of the entire year. They explained that it was one day when you dressed up as anyone you wanted and collected pillowcases full of candy from people around town. She was sure how fun that sounded, but she did enjoy the carved pumpkins that lined porches and fake skeletons in front yards; it made the fall month feel more lively as everything around them started to wither and die for the season.

“Hey,” Steve said, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. “Do you have any plans for Halloween?”

“The boys invited me to go trick-or-treating with them.” The boys, the Party, made a habit of including Sunshine in their various adventures. Sometimes she’d sit in on their Dungeons and Dragons games before Nancy pulled her away to eat leftover pizza and talk in Nancy’s bedroom. Sunshine entertained them when they all rode their bikes to her mother’s flower shop before their weekly trips to the arcade.

The boys were sweet and they wanted to make her feel like she was a part of the Party, but it was a bit odd to hang out with middle school boys all of the time, no matter how much she adored them.

“Well, while that sounds like a blast,” he said sarcastically. “You should go to a real Halloween party.”

“I don’t know…” Sunshine trailed off.

The idea sounded fun, in theory, but she hadn’t talked to many kids her age outside of Steve, Nancy, Jonathan, and occasionally Tamera. She wasn’t sure she was ready for a high school party, and Hopper advised her to be cautious because Hawkins still wasn’t the safest place in the world for her to be.

“Come on. You go to at least one high school party in your life. Besides, Nance and I will be there with you the whole time. We don’t even have to stay if you end up hating it.”

There was something about the science glint in Steve’s eyes that made Sunshine want to say yes. That, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about all of the normal high school experiences she had missed out on.

“Maybe,” she settled on as they turned into her driveway. “I’ll just have to ask-”

“Mrs. Torres!” Steve finished her thought as her mother stepped out onto the front porch to greet them.

“You guys are just in time! Cookies are fresh out of the oven,” Mary-Jane said, smiling. She wore a dishrag over her shoulder and flour smeared across her cheek. An apron was tied around her waist, and pieces of dark brown hair fell from her ponytail into her face.

Baking wasn’t a hobby Mary-Jane was great at, but she had become determined to learn not long after Sunshine returned home.

Wiping her hands off her apron, Mary-Jane said, “Steve, sweetheart, would you like to stay for dinner?”

With a charming smile, Steve politely shook his head. “I’d love to, but my folks are leaving first thing in the morning tomorrow and my mom wants me home.”

“In that case, I’ll grab you a plate of cookies to take back with you. Stay right there.” Sunshine’s mother disappeared back into the house, leaving the two teens on the porch.

“Your parents are leaving again?”

Sunshine had yet to meet Steve’s parents. Wherever they were in town, he spent most of his time avoiding his house and lingered at the Wheeler’s house or Sunshine’s.

However, from what she had gathered, they were hardly home at all; Steve was often by himself. It didn’t seem to bother him, but it did Sunshine.

“Yeah, which is fine by me,” Steve said with a shrug of carelessness that felt odd. She remained quiet, and watched him closely, which caused Steve to sigh. “I can take care of myself, Sunshine. Don’t worry about me, worry about trying to figure out a way to convince your parents to let you come to Tina’s Halloween party, all right? If you can’t…” he peered through the small crack in the front door before he whispered, “I can always help you sneak out.”

While Steve made sure that the coast was clear of Mary-Jane, he missed the footsteps of Walter Torres coming up the front porch after his evening walk with their dog, Blue.

Sunshine’s father cleared his throat before saying, “Offering to sneak my daughter out of my house, are we, Harrington?”

Steve’s eyes became comically wide as he spun around to come face-to-face with Walter. “O-Oh, no. No, sir. I was just, uh, you know-” Steve stumbled through his words until the older man cut him off with a small chuckle.

“Son, relax. I’m pulling your leg.” He patted Steve’s shoulder with his one free hand that wasn’t holding onto Blue’s leash. “Though, I would appreciate you not sneaking Ellie out of the house. If you two want to go somewhere, just ask.”

Sunshine and her father shared more features in common than Sunshine and her mother. They both had almond-shaped eyes, jet-black hair, and rounder cheeks. Though, Sunshine did have her mother’s constellation of freckles across her nose and over her cheeks.

“I’ll be with her the whole time, sir, and so will Nancy,” Steve said, his cheeks still burning red.

“Steve, call me Walter, please. Sir makes me feel older than I already am.” Walter turned to his daughter and said, “How about we talk about it over dinner?”

Sunshine nodded just as Mary-Jane returned with a plate full of cookies. “Here,” she handed it off to Steve. “Now, you tell your mother I said hello, okay?”

“Thank you. I will.” He glanced at Sunshine. “And I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” she said with a small smile.

“Goodnight Sunshine.”

With that, he made his way down the driveway and disappeared from the Torres’s sight just as the sky started to turn a pretty mix of orange and purple. The sunsets in Indiana had yet failed to amaze her.

Mary-Jane leaned her hip against the doorframe and let the autumn air seep into their warm home. “He’s a good kid,” she said, her tone somewhat surprised.

“Yeah,” Walter agreed. “Good thing he doesn’t take after his father.”

His wife swatted his shoulder lightly. “Oh, hush.”

Bending to the ground, Mary-Jane picked up Blue and snuggled the old dog in her arms. “Come on all of you. The cookies are still hot.”

Her parents wandered back inside, but Sunshine lingered on the porch for a moment longer, watching the sun sink lower in the sky and listening to the wind blow through the leaves. Goosebumps appeared on her arms, even though they were shielded by the same coat Steve had given her last fall the morning after she crash-landed at his home.

Mary-Jane and Walter had bought her more than enough clothes after she returned home, but there was something comforting about that jacket that she preferred to her other ones.

A harsher gust blew across the yard and caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end, causing her to slip back inside and join her parents in the kitchen for fresh cookies before dinner.

When she let the door close, she ignored the cracks that had begun to break loose across Hawkins. The town began to splinter all over again, and there was no telling how deep the fault lines ran.

Tagged (let me know if you want to added!) @sattlersquarry , @lovefrom-theother-side

#stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x original character #stranger things fanfiction #project sunshine #stranger things 2 #stranger things season 2

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