#like its not impossible to write smart characters

[oifaaa]

So like is it just me or does it seem like genius level characters are hard for some writers to write a lot of times they seem to fall into the same pit falls of either making the genius character clairvoyant or just dumbing down everyone else in the entire world

[puhpandas]

trying to match Gregory's characterization in my writing to canon Gregory is sooo hard. I'd think that he isnt super smiley and energetic because we've never seen that from him, and any jokes he makes in the game are always just him complaining instead of clever little quips. we've only ever seen him scared annoyed sad or panicked and nothing else. all of his dialogue is very relevant to the plot a lot of the time so we never get to actually see him just talk normally so barely any personality is seen from him, but all we have to go off of is hes reserved not smiley easily annoyed etc

but then in all of the official art by steel wool hes always smiling real big and having fun and having a good time so it's like does he smile a lot or not. do I write him normal or make him one or the other. I dont know how he would react in canon to certain things. WHAT DO I DOOO

[confused-stars]

i’ve been reading through one of my old lawlight email rps and was once again reminded that there’s been no dynamic that’s this fun to write. you get to be pretentious af. you have to be tongue in cheek about it because if you take Death Note seriously, you kinda lose. you’re constantly playing 4D-chess while simultaneously playing conversational ping-pong. there’s challenges and hidden lies and you have to be so careful not to slip up that it almost feels like simulating actual stakes. the jokes and the banter are impeccable. they’re constantly needling each other, and it’s never obvious whether it’s affectionate or not. they manipulate each other and call each other out all the time. everything has at least three additional layers that you can feel out, but the characters will never openly acknowledge. finding a good writing partner for the two of them is like striking gold.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

The more I think about season 2, the more grateful I am.

In a lot of ways, OFMD's writers, cast, and crew were given an almost impossible task. S1 was brilliant and took everyone by surprise by how successful it became. I am still shocked every time I rewatch by how smart and efficient the writing is, how intelligent the social commentary. S1 is a masterclass in good television.

And for s2, expectations were incredibly high. OFMD found massive word-of-mouth success in a way I've never seen with any other show, and they suddenly had a big, incredibly passionate audience - the renewal was because of massive fan support, and that must have translated to an incredible amount of pressure in the writer's room. Plus, as if that wasn't enough on its own, they're having to deal with budget cuts and Max slashing them down to only 8 episodes to tell a 10-episode story. This is an incredibly daunting task.

And yeah, I've been critical. OFMD is my favorite show, no contest, and it's easy to be critical of the things we love. We can all see that the pacing was off this season, especially in those last two episodes. Some arcs felt rushed; some side characters didn't get enough screen time to set up what they're doing this season. Jim and Olu especially suffer for that. It's inexcusable that this show's budget was slashed the way it was and I'm sad for what we could have had.

But, on the whole? Holy shit, this season was incredibly successful! Despite an incredible amount of fan pressure, the writers told the story they wanted to tell. They never lost sight of Ed and Stede's story, and were smart about allocating screen time so our leads' arcs never suffered too much for it. There's so much creative problem solving - when they realized they'd need to be smart about which side characters to keep on screen, they turned Buttons into a bird in a way that underscored season themes of transformation and change. 10/10, no notes. They even remembered their audience and left us on a satisfying note for all our characters - we get to end with Ed and Stede, happy and together, starting their new life.

They had an impossible task and they did a fucking commendable job. Character beats and humor are balanced amazingly well. Ed and Stede feel so much more fleshed out this season. Just like in s1, OFMD will never be a show where you can catch everything with one watch - there's so many little jokes, hidden gags, small details to discover with every rewatch. And every single actor is giving it their all in every scene! You can tell how much this show was a labor of love for everyone involved.

I'm proper fucking impressed. Here's hoping they get a renewal and a better budget for season 3!

[floofanflurr]

I! Am so tired of the infantilization of Papyrus. I'm so tired of the infantilization of autistic people, and autistic traits. I thought we were past this in this fandom... but NOPE.

I am absolutely NOT going to name any names, (especially because I don't think ANY of this is intentional!!! I don't think people are doing it on purpose!!! And I don't want to hurt people. And also because it's SO many people now. I see it all the time from so many different places. It would be impossible to list them all.)

But??? I am getting increasingly uncomfortable with the casual ableism in Papyrus fans, bloggers, and writers who don't even realize that's what they're doing. People who say they are against the infantilization of Papyrus.

(Sticking the rest of this under a cut so I don't clog any feeds)

I just!!!! It's all well and good to have your headcanons about Papyrus! He's a really mysterious character that we don't know a lot about! I'm not denying that! But I see SO many people just… saying things like:

"Papyrus would NEVER do (insert autistic trait here) because he's an ADULT! CLEARLY it was a joke."

or

"People take him seriously or at face value when he does (insert autistic trait here) but he's not stupid???? Clearly it means something else-"

And so freaking many variations of that.

Just. Have your headcanons about what Papyrus means or doesn't mean. That's okay! If you think he's joking that's FINE! But PLEASE don't shit on other people and be so casually ableist by saying that he could never be these things, or that these things would mean he was stupid, or childlike if he ACTUALLY meant them or did them.

ITS LIKE. Taking the initial infantilization of Papyrus in fandom and spinning it on it's head so far it goes right back into infantilizing autistic people by just. REMOVING PAPYRUS'S AUTISITC TRAITS AFTER LABELING THEM STUPID OR CHILDLIKE.

"You're infantilizing Papyrus! CLEARLY he could never actually MEAN these things or do those things for real because he's an adult-" AND LIKE. BABE. THOSE THINGS ARE JUST AUTISTIC THINGS.

And just.

It's really really upsetting to see the traits that I personally relate to in Papyrus have people saying "he could NEVER actually mean/do that! CLEARLY it was a joke, or subterfuge or insert something else here-"(the very strongly implied "because only Children do that" is so clear it's nauseating) (And often stated, but just in slightly different language. "It's clear." or "Of course Papyrus wouldn't-" or "He's smart!" or "He's an adult!")

Most of the portrayals I see of Papyrus are wonderful. While I've seen this a lot in fandom, I don't think it's the majority of people who create or write, or blog Papyrus content. But it's a big enough chunk that it is incredibly worrying and upsetting.

I'm also not trying to wave away any level of subterfuge, or mystery that Papyrus has. Because he has a lot! And!!! He's a grown ass adult! (A HILARIOUS one who cracks a shit ton of jokes and is witty as hell.) Someone who is very sneaky about many things, and masks a lot, and is clearly hiding SOMETHING. Have fun theorizing about him, because there sure is a lot to theorize about! Sneaky, sneaky skeleton...

Just. While I'm not trying to change anyone's headcanons... It might be worth it to see if the Papyrus you create has been removed from all of his autistic traits that are deemed undesirable (a level of social ineptitude or not understanding others, routines like bedtime stories, and so much more) while only leaving the ones you think are quirky or fun (things like masking, or stimming with big, flailing gestures, special interest in puzzles, etc.).

And if that's true, why might that be?

If the answer is "because Papyrus is too smart/mature/clever/etc. to mean or do this seriously." then that is no longer an innocent headcanon. That is saying that people who DO have those traits aren't smart/mature/clever/etc. That is infantilizing autistic traits. (And yes! Autistic people can also do this by accident! I used to fall victim to internalized ableism that I didn't even realize was there, and I've seen other people do it, too.)

I was going to get into a more in-depth list of Papyrus’s traits that are autistic traits or could be caused by being autistic, and basically write an entire fan essay on the whole situation, starting from the beginning infantilization of Papyrus in fandom (equally as bad) and ending with where we're at now as Papyrus fans. (This right now is not an essay. It's a vent, and a plea. When I say essay, I mean with cited sources, properly structured... An actual ESSAY that would help people.)

But… I’m tired. I know it’s an accident in most cases. I know that most people probably don’t realize they’re calling autistic traits “stupid” or “childlike” or “papyrus would never because he’s not a child—“

And I know that this one simple post isn’t enough to explain how autistic peoples’ brains frequently work, or why these things don’t mean someone is stupid or childlike.

I know that without a thorough explanation there’s so many people that won’t realize that they’re doing this. And it’s certainly not as gentle as I wanted to be. I want to be kind, because I know that it's an accident, and that people aren't trying to be cruel or harmful.

But I’m just… tired. I’m so, so tired. It’s hard to gently explain to people that are actively harming you and your community why what they’re doing is hurtful.

Maybe someday I’ll actually write that essay, and I can include helpful tips on what autism can look like, or how Papyrus's differing things COULD be (not necessarily ARE) an indication or presentation of autism, and also some more tips on how to integrate some of Papyrus’s characteristics in different ways in a fic that keeps his wonderful autistic swag if that's what you want to do. Maybe I can delve into some more of the nuance of this discussion, of which there is much.

But right now I can’t.

If you're worried you might be doing something like this but you really do need an essay or more structure and specific writing breaking it all out, then. Well! I want to help people. If you have questions about what I said and genuinely want to learn, I can do my best to answer and help in an essay if there's enough questions, or in asks if its just a one off question.

(Though absolutely no promises. The entire discussion is draining and triggering, so... It's hard. Please don't be surprised if I'm unable to keep conversation about this going.)

I don't want to write the essay if it's not going to help anyone though. So… let me know. Maybe in reblogs. Just please not in my DMs. I'll turn on anonymous asks for the next month or so, and if people use them to be cruel, or confrontational, I will be taking that away again.

If you've made it this far... Thanks for reading.

...And, you know what? Shitty TLDR:

Papyrus is a grown ass man who can say fuck and be a bad ass bitch, and who can also be an autistic adult. These things are not mutually exclusive to each other.

Edit: Someone sent me a wonderful essay written by the-irken-pony about Papyrus and autism that was written in the earlier days of the fandom and Papyrus infantilization. (I have no idea how I haven’t seen this before.)

It’s not the current issue of “wow you became the thing you most sought to destroy (infantilization)” in Papyrus’s fan base, but it’s a wonderful breakdown of autism in Papyrus. It’s a good thing to read with this. You don’t have to accept the various headcanons as yours, but please take note of the various things that could be caused by autism. And then make sure that you aren’t calling those things childish.

[nasa]

For the Benefit of All: Assistive Tech Developed from NASA Tech

What do modern cochlear implants and robotic gloves have in common? They were derived from NASA technology. We’ve made it easier to find and use our patented inventions that could help create products that enhance life for people with disabilities.

October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, which highlights the contributions of American workers with disabilities – many of whom use assistive technology on the job. Take a look at these assistive technologies that are NASA spinoffs.

Low-Vision Headsets

The Joint Optical Reflective Display (JORDY) device is a headset that uses NASA image processing and head-mounted display technology to enable people with low vision to read and write. JORDY enhances individuals’ remaining sight by magnifying objects up to 50 times and allowing them to change contrast, brightness, and display modes. JORDY's name was inspired by Geordi La Forge, a blind character from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” whose futuristic visor enabled him to see.

Cochlear Implants

Work that led to the modern cochlear implant was patented by a NASA engineer in the 1970s. Following three failed corrective surgeries, Adam Kissiah combined his NASA electronics know-how with research in the Kennedy Space Center technical library to build his own solution for people with severe-to-profound hearing loss who receive little or no benefit from hearing aids. Several companies now make the devices, which have been implanted in hundreds of thousands of people around the world.

Robotic Gloves

Ironhand, from Swedish company Bioservo Technologies, is the world’s first industrial-strength robotic glove for factory workers and others who perform repetitive manual tasks. It helps prevent stress injuries but has been especially warmly received by workers with preexisting hand injuries and conditions. The glove is based on a suite of patents for the technology developed by NASA and General Motors to build the hands of the Robonaut 2 humanoid robotic astronaut.

Smart Glasses

Neurofeedback technology NASA originally developed to improve pilots’ attention has been the basis for products aimed at helping people manage attention disorders without medication. The devices measure brainwave output to gauge attention levels according to the “engagement index” a NASA engineer created. Then, they show the results to users, helping them learn to voluntarily control their degree of concentration. One such device is a pair of smart glasses from Narbis, whose lenses darken as attention wanes.

Anti-Gravity Treadmills

A NASA scientist who developed ways to use air pressure to simulate gravity for astronauts exercising in space had the idea to apply the concept for the opposite effect on Earth. After licensing his technology, Alter-G Inc. developed its anti-gravity G-Trainer treadmill, which lets users offload some or all of their weight while exercising. The treadmills can help people recover from athletic or brain injuries, and they allow a safe exercise regimen for others with long-term conditions such as arthritis.

Wireless Muscle Sensors

Some of the most exciting assistive technologies to spin off may be yet to come. Delsys Inc. developed electromyographic technology to help NASA understand the effects of long-term weightlessness on astronauts’ muscles and movements. Electromyography detects and analyzes electrical signals emitted when motor nerves trigger movement. Among the company’s customers are physical therapists developing exercise routines to help patients recover from injuries. But some researchers are using the technology to attempt recoveries that once seemed impossible, such as helping paralyzed patients regain movement, letting laryngectomy patients speak, and outfitting amputees with artificial limbs that work like the real thing.  

To further enhance the lives of people with disabilities, NASA has identified a selection of patented technologies created for space missions that could spur the next generation of assistive technology here on Earth.

Want to learn more about assistive technologies already in action? Check out NASA Spinoff to find products and services that wouldn’t exist without space exploration.   

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[sunderedstar]

good books of 2024

according to meeee.

there is no order here, at least one of these was published ages ago, I'm just working my way through my 2024 timeline, godspeed spiderman. 🫡

Metal from Heaven

surprise hit of 2024. top of the charts. stunning, spectacular. gorgeous. Metal from Heaven FUCKS. almost every single main character is an explicit spicy toxic hot mess of a lesbian committing literal highway/train robbery, the bad guy is literally named Industry, leading to such peak sentences as "I am going to kill Industry." the prose is synesthetic in a way that most writers cannot sustain for a full novel but which here culminates in a moment of pure blissful Neon Genesis Evangelion that I will not elaborate on due to spoilers. the author pulls out the FUNNIEST lines, and also the most abrupt and heartbreaking tragedies. we're not here to be subtle, we're here to put the pedal to the metal until the engine explodes. such a damning, whip smart condemnation of industry, capitalism, power. all in the form of Lesbians. also the phrase 'clown orgy' is mentioned. this shit is like gideon the ninth with CRUNCH. NSFW.

but don't take my word for it. take amal el-mohtar's.

Absolution

Absolution is a hard book. requires thought and rigor at all times to absorb what's going on - and also a reread of the entire trilogy beforehand, because there's time travel nuance involved, which makes it next to impossible to sum up the plot coherently on its own without spoiling things. jeff vandermeer described it partially as 'fuck that alligator from the movie' and - valid. the first 60% had me; the later section...swapped gears drastically, which meant it took a while to hit its stride (aka until it reached Area X again). in hindsight I was just not prepared for one of the POVs to be the Freudian, violently stoned, unreliable narrator love-child of Karkat and Dave Strider whose perception/conception of the heart of the Southern Reach is extremely phallic. and then suddenly cannibalism happens. I liked Annihilation and Acceptance better, but damn. it almost feels like this should be the set up to another trilogy. much 2 think about.

Yield Under Great Persuasion

I don't know why I didn't hear anything about this one before it came out! (instead, I only saw posts about rowland's other book released this year, running close to the wind - which sadly did not hit for me at all). Yield Under Great Persuasion is just ridiculous enough to be fantastic. stubborn little gremlin man, big mad about Pumpkingate years after the original inciting incident that set him at odds with his love interest, attempts to pack his little rucksack and run away from all his self-inflicted gay problems, fails, is forced to deal with said personal problems by direct goddess-intervention. you know it's gonna be good when the guys are hate-banging by page 2. a short, delightful mix of (extremely silly and low-stakes) enemies to lovers and hurt/comfort and working out your emotional and communication issues on page style comfort food. self-indulgent in a fanfic way that is rowland's trademark in a taste of gold and iron (which was also fantastic and probably deserves a reread now.) NSFW.

The Spellshop

between this and yield under great persuasion there's an odd cozy fantasy pairing here. a self-isolated shut-in spellbook librarian who lives for her work escapes the fall of her city and sets up shop back in her old hometown on a severely magic-deprived island. there's some internalized trauma being worked through, against a simply charming backdrop of community and solidarity and magic spells. really. I was. charmed. which is a rare reaction on my part.

The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low

the curveball of the list, The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low is a translated (gay) Korean web novel, and it's the perfect intersection of a decent translator meeting an author who knows what they're doing. notorious tumblr user @spockandawe has a write up of the plot and its major themes here, but in essence it hooked me with its hunter/super-hero meets Pacific Rim setting, its themes of gifted kid burnout and unacknowledged trauma with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and the fact that the author clearly plotted out all of this in advance, with minor details from the opening chapter being extremely plot relevant a hundred chapters later. also, the characters are FUN! the relationship compels me. clownery abounds in all the best ways, while the world-ending stakes are also scarily sky high. its translation is currently incomplete as far as I'm aware, which is literally this story's only downside right now, since you can read it online for free - but so much of the main story is up and translated already that it's hard to imagine how much higher the stakes can go, and I'm dying to know if these two make it through and get the happy ending they deserve. a delicious repast.

Apostles of Mercy

I'm gonna rant here. this is the story of a series that got the redemption arc it deserved.

if you don't know, axiom's end is lindsay ellis's blatant Bayverse Transformers female lead alternate history fic. period. she has openly admitted this. you can easily and clearly pick out the Optimus/Megatron/Starscream expies. and that first book was GOOD. it understood the assignment. loved it.

then...truth of the divine happened. book two of the series. was frankly. god awful. it was like twilight's new moon, where the main character's depression saturates and therefore stagnates the entire narrative, in this case to its detriment. it dragged. the entire appeal of first book of the series is the bond between the main character and her new definitely-not-a-Transformer life partner, and book two managed to both sideline that - the entire point!!! the main thing you're reading it for! the alien time! - and introduce the most skeevy and (for me) unpleasant to read human hetero romance of all time. it was so unpleasant I actually forgot how bad it was.

somehow. somehow. palpatine returned. after I spent three years mourning what could have been. book three saved it. Apostles of Mercy addresses the whole damn skeevy toxic mess that was book two and refocuses on what matters - the alien love interest and a LESBIAN love interest. yes. it's true. once again the sapphics won. we now have a book where the main character is reliving lesbian sex memories as an alien-robot-insect-definitely-not-a-Transformer mindmelds with her so I mean. good job team? her love interest also acquires an alien life partner of her own to expand this into potential alien foursome range? the assignment is once again UNDERSTOOD. in terms of the action scenes, to quote myself while reading it, "I can't believe I'm saying this but you needed to channel far more Bayverse" [for book 2], and doing so for book 3 has produced a work of art. I would say skip book 2 entirely and thank me later, but experiencing how bad the series got at its darkest point is part of what made book 3 such an exhilarating high in comparison. possibly that was the goal all along, impossible to appreciate until now. I just need lindsay ellis to get the contract to write the currently-in-publication-limbo books 4 and 5. because the series deserves it. it only just got good again! NSFWish because I can't remember currently how explicit they got all these months later, forgive me.

The Deep Sky

yume kitasei is new to me, but this book hit some interesting notes as a sci fi debut. it too is about gifted kid burnout and imposter syndrome, funnily enough, in a thoughtful take on the standard sci fi concept of 'a bunch of rigorously trained young adults are sent out into deep space as an ark to save a dying humanity' that actually does discuss how fucked up that is as a concept, both for the kids as they grow up under enormous pressure to win a spot on the mission and for all those people being left behind, in what might just end up being an overhyped waste of resources, since civilization sure is still kicking when they leave. the summary on the book is somewhat misleading - asuka, the main character, doesn't fall under suspicion until wayyyy late in the book, and spends the majority of it in a pseudo-detective role that is absolutely sanctioned by those in charge. she's not 'an immediate suspect' like the book blurb insists. go figure. it didn't knock me out of the park like most of the books above, but it was an engaging little read.

The Bees

a weird one from 2014, picked up on a whim - it's literally about bees! fictionalized bees! with personalities and priesthoods and caste politics and everything! I cried about it to be honest. very plotty, somehow all of it neatly taking place within the Lifecycle of A Bee™️, which takes some real craftsmanship to pull off and make compelling as a narrative. since I'm an unrepentant Raksura fan, I was like 'wow...how Raksura coded...' knowing full well that Raksura are dragon bee people, not the other way around. also the Raksura could never be as toxic (complimentary) as these bees are. 😂 it's just good literature your honor.

honorable mentions:

Heavenly Tyrant

has not come out yet. but let's be real. it's on the list in anticipation. it's what she deserves.

The City in Glass

I love nghi vo's work, have read and adored all of the singing hills cycle novellas. it took a month for my library hold on this book to be available. and then I promptly got distracted by metal from heaven and the hunter's gonna lay low 😂 I will read it!!! the first eight pages were good! vitrine's voice is very good! I've just had a very busy end of the year interrupting my everything. (update: I read two more pages and it immediately and promptly popped off. whoops. guess I'm reading that next. whenever I have free time again...)

[amorphousbl0b]

Arcane does a fun thing with its narrative Darkest Hour.

Or: yet another post about how insanely smart this show is and how absolutely genius its writers are (and how jealous of them I am).

For the uninitiated, the Darkest Hour is the moment just before the climax in which the heroes are at their lowest point. When the Avengers are scattered and Loki opens the portal in NYC, when the Falcon has escaped the Death Star but lost Obi-Wan, when the Fire Nation is set to annihilate the Earth Kingdom, when Frodo fails to destroy the Ring at the Crack of Doom. The heroes must confront their flaws and change for the better for a happy ending.

Arcane’s darkest hour is, of course, in Act 3. One might place it at the very end of episode 9, and that’s certainly where the story is at its most hopeless. But I’d contend it starts as early as the end of episode 8 and carries on through the entirety of episode 9.

After all, that’s when Caitlyn and Vi have separated, lost all hope, and Cait is kidnapped by Jinx. Jinx’s mind is fully gone and throughout the episode everything falls apart around her. Silco is losing control of his chembarons and may well have lost his daughter, the thing most precious to him, and is only barely keeping his powerful façade in line. Zaun has realized how ridiculously outmatched they are in a war with Piltover and the revolutionary cause has become almost impossible. Viktor has manslaughtered his assistant and may never be cured. Jayce has manslaughtered a child and finally realizes how quickly he’s losing his morals. Mel and her mother are fully separating and she is struggling with her warlike destiny. Sevika gets the absolute snot beat out of her and limps to an empty office without a boss.

So yeah. Lot of personal Darkest Hours going on.

“But what’s the interesting thing?” I hear you ask in my ear. I don’t know why I hear you. Shut up. I’m writing. Are you even real?

Excuse me.

Arcane’s interesting twist on the Darkest Hour lies in part of the trope that I didn’t mention. That’s in the villain.

Most stories with a clear-cut villain have a plot structure something like this:

Whether things are going well for one side is inversely proportional to the other. During the Darkest Hour, when the hero is at their weakest, the villain is at their most dominant.

Wait… isn’t Silco the villain of Arcane? Not to be too blunt, but he’s having a shit time. Things are falling apart for him just as badly as for everyone else.

That's the trick. Caitlyn and Vi are suffering. Jinx is suffering. Silco is suffering. Jayce is suffering. Viktor is suffering. Zaun as a whole is suffering. There is only one party in the whole story that isn't suffering, that actually is benefitting from this horrid state of affairs...

EKKO AND HEIMERDINGER

Kidding. They're not really a part of this dance. A big part of Arcane's theming is that acting to help people without an agenda is simply more virtuous than fighting for any invariably-flawed nation that innately perpetuates the cycle of violence.

No, the side that is doing fine is the other that is conspicuously absent from my two prior lists. While the characters that make up its leadership are experiencing personal Darkest Hours, the organization itself is essentially on top of the world, having just scored a huge victory and getting set to bring the war to an end before it even begins. I mentioned how poor the situation for the Undercity looks, but not its counterpart.

Piltover.

Wasn't it so that Piltover started this whole mess? Didn't their oppression cause the revolt that orphaned Vi and Powder's parents? Isn't it their actions that drive Silco to ever greater extremes? Isn't it their normalized political backstabbing that causes Jayce to sacrifice his principles because that's the only way to get ahead? Isn't it their corrupt police force that lets Silco operate his drug empire with impunity?

Silco might look the part. He might be the most personally evil character, might be the one who causes the most misery for our main protagonists Vi and Powder.

But structurally, the shining city of Piltover, its political machine, and its Enforcers are the actual villains of Arcane.

[absolutebl]

I Cannot Reach You - Kimi ni wa Todokanai REVIEWED

This image perfectly captures how I feel about this show. You ready? I wasn't.

I Cannot Reach You

AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan 2023 - 8 eps 20 ea approx 2.5 hours

Themes, main tropes & archetypes: friends to lovers, tsundere/sunshine, self acceptance, self worth, high school BL, live action yaoi, soft romance, kindness

Rating? 10/10

Yeah, it happened again in 2023.

Adapted from a manga.

The moment I finished binging this show I was thinking about writing about it and re-watching it. This is a sure sign that I adored a piece of media. 

This is a wonderful BL.

Truly well executed, with smooth filming and lovely acting, both of a simplistic style that felt slightly more Korean than it did Japanese. It reminded me a little bit of Seven Days and a little bit of Takara and Amagi, and since these are my two favorite high school JBLs obviously I was bound to adore ICRY.

But what it reminded me of more than anything was Cherry Blossoms After Winter.

Odd for JBL and KBL to be so closely linked. 

Like CBAW show, ICRY is classic live action yaoi.

Like the MOST classic of CLASSIC.

All the JBL tropes. I mean look at that image above? It's rooftop assignation, kabedon, and a handhold ALL AT ONCE.

There was also multiple runnings of the gays, surprise kisses (one on a bridge), and shoulder leans.

There is even a “seme looses control to desire” scene which leads to dub con. There is an abject apology after but still - you’ve been warned. 

The premise is: smart sporty hot (and hella gay) Yamato has a long standing crush on his silly sunshine sweetheart bestie, Kakeru. Yamato is also stiff, self isolated, shy, and has only ever really managed to get along with Kakeru. I love this kind of pining seme so damn much, it probably biased me. 

Unlike most uke, Kakeru starts to slowly figure out that his best friend is in love with him by ep 2 (let the chaos bisexual identity crisis commence).

So do some of the friends around them.

The story thus revolves around Yamato trying to unsuccessfully suppress his desire, and Kakeru trying to figure out if he can return Yamato‘s affection.

This biggest barrier is actually Kakeru's feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness (when compared to Yamato). But this is tempered by his genuine kindness which forces him into act with integrity around his dear friend's love and strive to fix everything (even himself) to prove worthy of it - whether he can ultimately return it or not.

Kakeru's struggles are pitted against Yamato‘s repressed need that keeps bubbling over and figuratively (sometimes literally) attacking Kakeru with romantic, emotional, and physical intensity. 

Quick pitch:

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

I’m not gonna lie, I dithered over whether to give this a 10/10 and nearly didn’t. But there is nothing wrong with it AS A BL.

And it's so GOOD to ALL of its characters and they are so good to each other. It's quiet, and because of that and its goodness, it will get overlooked, but I LOVED IT.

It's not one of those that BL outsiders will get and you must like Japan's style to enjoy it. But I'm in it. It's for me.

What am I hung up over? Even the kisses are good.

10/10

I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH

Welcome to a very elite club. I gotta change all my best of lists now.

I am sorry to tell you how difficult this show is to get hold of. It deserves a much wider distribution. As of Nov 2023 I do not know where to legally find it internationally with eng subs. Please check the comments for updates.

It's on Netflix in some countries!

Try to find it, you won't regret it.

(source)

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  @wynnyfryd! Wynnyfryd has 34 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag!

i don’t know, you figure it out

Plot Holes

biting you biting you biting you- oh! kissing you!

Satanic Ritual: DO NOT WATCH!!

She's got some of the FUNNIEST writing in this fandom, and it's very snappy too like. She's an editing demon for sure, she can take a concept that I'd think would take paragraphs to explain and find the right words to make it hit just as hard with like, two sentences. I also really really love how descriptive her metaphors are, really visceral sometimes, and she's really good at writing realistic life events but still making them fun to read about even when it's about like, devastating shit. The sex she writes is also intense as hell! -- @griefabyss69

Below the cut, @wynnyfryd answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I am but a humble bisexual — I see two beautiful brown-eyed men makin’ beautiful brown eyes at each other, I go a little insane for two years. It is what it is.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

late-night moments of quiet hopeful hesitant intimacy over a shared joint or cigarette. Thin wisp of smoke between them, stars dancing in their eyes. Yeah. YEAHHHHHHH 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

This isn’t really a trope so much as a dynamic, but I love a good dipshit 4 dingus dialogue-heavy scene. Don’t get me wrong, I think Eddie and Steve can both be very smart and knowledgeable in their areas of interest/expertise, but these are two young dudes with no access to the internet. I love letting them be confidently incorrect dumbasses. Just ‘yes and’-ing each other’s stupidity while an exasperated third character begs for mercy.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Well, this question is impossible and furthermore rude. This question came into my home and didn’t take its muddy boots off. This question never mailed me a thank you letter for my lovely wedding gift. That blender was expensive; the absolute nerve. No but seriously, I think The Lathe by palmviolet is going to stay with me forever.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’m a big fan of doing canon divergence from different jumping off points — the beauty of having characters live in the same small town their whole lives is that you get so many great opportunities for these “what if our paths crossed sooner” moments.  I have some very loose notes for a S3 fic where Eddie is the movie theater employee who finds Steve and Robin in the bathroom after they escape the Russians, and I also have an old WIP set between S1 and S2 where lifeguard Steve rescues Eddie and then spends the summer teaching him how to swim. Would love to revisit those after I finish the trailer park AU (which I will be referring to as TPAU because my fingers are tired and because ‘toilet paper au’ makes me laugh.)

What is your writing process like?

Uhhhhh. 😂 I mean, for TPAU, basically just insert the scene from Dune 2 of Paul’s first sandworm ride: I’m shaking I’m sweating there is sand in my nostrils and I am surely about to die— oh wait, maybe I’ve actually got this? Am I actually doing it? Oh shit, look at me go!   For one-shots I like to use a more structured outline and bracket method. I start by dividing my doc into numbered scenes, with each scene getting a notes section and a prose section, like this:

This format gives me a lot of freedom to switch up the order of scenes and to move between scenes so I avoid writer’s block. I can also jump ahead to scenes I really want to write without making a mess of my outline. Once I have something written in the prose section of each scene, I go back and work on replacing each bracket with prose until there are no brackets left. Lastly, I create a new blank doc and copy the prose over in order so I can read the full fic and work on edits from there.  

Do you have any writing quirks?

I have been known to abuse a semicolon. And an em dash. And a conjunction at the start of a sentence. Yes, I do have ADHD.   I’m also a lyricist, so I feel like my prose tends to stray into poetry territory pretty often.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

When I’m finished! Which is probably why I tend to stick to one-shots; I get impatient and want to post stuff the second it’s ready.

Which fic are you most proud of?

‘i don’t know, you figure it out’ for SURE. I’ve never written a fic this long or stuck to a writing project this consistently in my life. Like ever. The last time I even came close was my first NaNoWriMo when I was 16, which was, uh… years ago, plural, and I’ll leave it at that. 😂

How did you get the idea for i don’t know, you figure it out?

“There’s a dead rat on his doorstep.” That’s it. That first sentence/scene popped into my head while I was bored at work, and then I started thinking, “hey, you know what? I don’t know that anyone’s ever done a fic where Max and Steve trade places for S4; that might be fun.”  And then NaNoWriMo was coming up, so I thought it would be cool to try live posting a fully improvised fic every day for a month to see how many words I could write. And then this tragic wet cat version of Steve Harrington grabbed me by the throat and took over my whole life.

When writing Satanic Ritual: DO NOT WATCH!!, what was something you didn’t expect?

How SAPPY these two got!! My god, boys, I’m trying to write smut over here, stop having a beautiful existential crisis! (I blame Briston Maroney for that though lol, I think I listened to ‘Body’ like 1400 times that month.)

What inspired Satanic Ritual: DO NOT WATCH!!?

@inklessletter posted this totally gorgeous art of Steve and Eddie recording themselves kissing, and I promptly lost my mind.  

What was your favorite part to write from biting you biting you biting you- oh! kissing you!?

This exchange: Steve: “What? I’m just asking!” Robin: “You’re being embarrassing!” Steve: “No, you’re just embarrassed. There’s a difference.” Like it’s just so them lmao

How do/did you feel writing i don’t know, you figure it out?

You know when you set out on a long hike in the summer and three hours later your calves are screaming and you’re covered in sweat and your sunburn’s starting to itch and this one horse fly won’t fuck off and your cell phone doesn’t even get service out here so literally WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF, and then you climb that last hill and look out on the most beautiful landscape you’ve ever seen in your silly little life? Basically that.

What was the most difficult part of writing Plot Holes?

Ooh, that one was fun! The only real difficulty was trying to keep it to a microfic because the concept could definitely be fleshed out to a full story — @griefabyss69 and I were joking around about “what if someone did ‘plot hole’ for the @steddiemicrofic prompt fill?” and then that fic just fell out of my head in about 15 minutes. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

For sure! I’m currently super proud of the graveyard scene in the most recent update of TPAU — I don’t write true horror often, but I love horror so it was really fun to give it a try! Favorite line from any fic is probably this reference to ‘You’re Divine’ in my fic Monsoon Season because I love uncomfortably-aroused prude Eddie, and his internal monologue cracks me up every time I think about it: Freddie Monsoon’s debut novel is called The Fourth Chime, and it is, as far as Eddie can tell, the first installment in a series of unapologetically filthy fuck fests about a man whose lover gets flung into an alternate dimension during an apocalyptic event and miraculously returns as some sort of… sexy bat-boy with a fucking horse dong and a bite kink. Critics are calling it “the most romantic novel of the last decade.” It’s me; I’m Critics.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

My main project right now is finishing TPAU if it kills me, but beyond that, I have a few one-shots for @subeddieweek in the works, including a collab with @griefabyss69 that I’m so so SO excited to share. It’s hot, it’s funny, I can’t wait for y’all to read it. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

First of all, as @wormdebut would say: I think you’re pretty. Thank you so much for all your hard work! I love this blog, and I love answering questions <3 Secondly: - Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. - Toss cubed sweet potatoes and parsnips, sliced sweet onion, and fresh garlic in a mix of olive oil, salt, pepper, and rosemary, and then spread in a single layer on a foil-lined baking sheet.  - Bake for ~40-45 minutes. (Potatoes and parsnips should be soft without being mushy when you poke them with a fork.) - Prep your sauce: I made a dijon drizzle situation by mixing olive oil mayo, a dash of dijon mustard, lemon juice, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and a splash of water, but you could also add a little dab of hot sauce, bbq sauce, or different mustards. Basically just grab like four condiments out of your fridge and play around with the flavors you like until you make a mix that’s thin enough to pour. - Drizzle roasted veggies with sauce. - Enjoy a very tasty side dish (or do what I did and eat the whole sheet as a meal like some sort of parsnip goblin because you were too lazy to make the main dish after chopping all those veggies) okay thank you love you byeeeee

Thank you to our author, @wynnyfryd, and our nominator, @griefabyss69! See more of Wynnyfryd's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[doetic]

Baby, it's cold outside - Ex Bf!Jschlatt x F!Reader

1/3 -> next part (coming soon)

Plot: Y/n had only planned to quickly grab the things she left at her newly-ex-boyfriend's house and leave, but an unforeseen snowstorm leaves her with no choice but to wait it out indoors with a very persistent Schlatt who's determined to piece back together their relationship. Warnings: Prior breakup, heated argument with yelling, characters are trapped inside during a dangerous snowstorm (but are safe), mention of possible death, quite a bit of swearing. Allusions to Schlatt being a functional alcoholic. Word Count: 4137

A/N: Finally it's done! This was so fun to write! Thank you for the positive response on the teaser, I appreciate it a lot! I really feel as if I could have added more but it was getting long and I was in a hell of writing an additional scene then deleting it and rewriting it, it was an endless cycle and I would have been working on this forever. I also am rusty when it comes to writing and keep changing tenses, sorry if there's anything I missed in editing. Changed Schlatt from Jason to Jacob mid fic so if he's referred to as Jason, you didn't see that. Requests are open btw!!

The house, although obviously lacking any ability to have emotions of its own, felt strangely sorrowful as Y/n gingerly stepped inside, stomping the snow off her boots and onto the mat. Rationally she knew it was likely her own shoved down emotions being projected onto the relatively blank canvas, although she wouldn't willingly delve too far into that concept. She desperately wanted to believe she was completely over her now ex-boyfriend Jacob Schlatt, especially as she was the one who had initiated and insisted on breaking up. Unfortunately, Y/n was smart enough to know that no matter how much she insisted to herself that she no longer needed or wanted her former boyfriend of five years, the truth of the matter would still continue to nag at her whenever she thought of him. It was better to avoid both Schlatt and any related introspection altogether, an impossible task when she stood inside their once shared house to collect her things.

The soft mrow of Jambo's call sounded through the entryway, the little orange cat quickly padding over to Y/n and rubbing himself against her feet as she removed her boots and other winter gear. She bent down to pet the small creature on his head, the softness of his fur against her hand was a calming sensation that brought a bit of ease to her sorrowful feelings. Y/n had missed the little guy deeply, but with Schlatt’s exorbitant income as a popular youtuber/streamer/businessman she knew Jambo would have a better life staying with Schlatt, as painful as it was to part ways. The orange tabby, who was now licking her index finger, had felt like her only companion at times while Schlatt was consistently busy with streaming, editing, or managing the businesses he helped run.

As if her thoughts had been a siren's song to lure him close, heavy, hesitant footsteps approached the entryway after a few purr-filled minutes passed by. Y/n tried to act calm and collected for her own dignity, not moving from her crouched position besides tilting her head up to meet the pained red eyes of her former lover.

Schlatt looked dishevelled. His hair was a mess and the headband that usually sat atop his head to keep the wild brown locks from falling into his face was shockingly missing. From the looks of his hair, and his mutton chops too, he was neglecting a much needed small trim. Usually it was her designated job to do so, solely because she insisted on it as sweet bonding time, something their relationship began to lack greatly as the years went on. He wore his green Polizei sweatshirt, the one Y/n had praised as her favourite many times for the way it made him look irresistibly amazing to cuddle with. Uncharacteristically, the sweater looked like it hadn’t left his body in a while, an odd thing for the usually clean and organised man. 

Most people would delight in seeing their ex-partner in such a state without them, and although Y/n couldn’t lie and say Schlatt’s miserable appearance didn’t give her a miniscule bit of satisfaction. Clearly he was now realising how important she was to his life after he had made less and less time for her in the end years of her relationship, the feelings of pity and remorse that washed over her as the nearly empty bottle of Jack held in his hand, and the smell of alcohol that wafted off of him became more glaringly obvious and concerning the more she inspected him. 

"I thought you were coming tomorrow," He stated simply, his voice carrying a bit of strain within.

"I texted you that I would be coming on the 25th, that's today. But if there's an issue I can come back another time," Y/n replied, the house’s entryway where they stood feeling suffocatingly uncomfortable as a result of their former relationship. It had felt like months since the last time they saw each other, the night Y/n stormed out for good, but in reality it was at most two weeks.

"No!" Schlatt's voice was filled with desperation, his eyes began to water as a sudden panicked shout escaped him at the mention of Y/n leaving "...No. It's fine. Today is fine." He cleared his throat and recollected himself to the best of his ability. "I'm sure you remember where everything is. There's boxes for you in the kitchen, I'll be editing in the bedroom." 

As always, Y/n wanted to bitterly add. Instead she bit her tongue, wanting to keep the peace so she could be in and out quickly.

"Thank you, Jacob," Y/n replied quietly, lacking the confidence to say the name much louder. She had never called him Jacob. Sure it was his first name, but it was something everyone else called him, never ever her. Up until this point she had only ever called him Jay. She had to fight back the urge to correct herself, wanting to set boundaries to create space and ensure she wouldn’t run back to him.

Schlatt picked up on this, his breathing picking up slightly in alarm, a stifled whimper just barely escaping from his throat.

"Y-yeah," His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Well, you're welcome," His sadness turned to anger, as did most of his emotions when they became too much for him to handle. He spat the words out like they were venom before turning around and lurking back to the–

No. 

His bedroom.

Y/n let out a shaky breath she hadn't noticed she was holding, giving a weak smile to Jambo. “Men. Am I right, bud?” She tried to make light of the situation with her comment, giving the cat a scritch behind the ears before getting up and heading to grab the boxes, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The kitchen had been taken over by ghosts.

“Jayyyy! Stop it!” Y/n giggled, putting her arms up to defend herself from the second handful of soap bubbles Schlatt scooped up from the sink and prepared to blow into her face.

She should have known better than to accept his help with the dishes. Although he certainly had, and often exercised, the capability to be calm and introspective, once something got him going he became a major troublemaker. All in good fun, of course. Y/n didn’t mind it all too much though. Sure, he was a menace, but he was her menace.

 Besides, the dishes could wait. Moments where Schlatt was both sober and free of any work related obligations were increasingly few and far between these days. Y/n always tried to be understanding and supportive, but she couldn’t help but feel rejected, especially when his work related obligations often involved wildly charismatic female friends of his who could easily pass for models. 

Y/n knew jealousy wasn’t a good look, but it was hard not to feel such a way when she had to sit on the sidelines as a secret only Schlatt and his closest friends knew of, and watch helplessly as people online fawned over him or shipped him with women she felt like she could never possibly compare to. Y/n knew that talking to Schlatt about her concerns before they grew into a deep resentment was the right thing to do, but each time she tried to get him alone to discuss it she was brushed off. Then, on the rare occasion he was alone, sober, and not preoccupied, Y/n couldn’t bring herself to ruin the only time she had to truly feel like a couple again.

Sure, she was living in her own personal hell, but at least she had these moments of domestic bliss. For now, they were enough.

“Come on babe, I’m not gonna blow it at you!” Schlatt promised, moving the handful of soap away from his mouth. “Don’t you trust your boyfriend?” He couldn’t fully hide the catlike grin that pulled at his lips, a smile Y/n had learned to never trust.

“No! You’re despicable!” Y/n dipped her hand into the warm, soapy water and flicked it at him. “Begone foul demon!” 

“Demon?” Schlatt tsk’d at her, taking a step closer and looking down at her mischievously. “You’ve got it all wrong, toots. I’m a man of the lord. You’re the demonic one here with how tempting you are. My very own succubus…” His words flowed from his mouth like honey, the husky tone along with his hand tucking a stray clump of hair behind her ear making Y/n blush.

“Tempting? Well, why don’t you show me exactly what I tempt you to do?” Y/n breathed the words out, placing a hand on his cheek.

“Gladly.”

Y/n closed her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her, his arm wrapping around her waist and holding her firmly against his body. Just when she felt his warm breath tickle her face, the anticipation for the kiss beginning to gnaw hungrily at her, a soft pressure hit her head and was quickly followed by a small trickle of water and bubbles beginning at her scalp and running down the bridge of her nose.

“You asshole!” She playfully hit his chest, unable to contain her grin as he continued to hold her tight against his body with his superior strength.

Schlatt chuckled, kissing the top of her head despite the bubbles that remained there.

“You know you love me.”

Y/n roughly wiped her teary eyes against the back of her sleeve. Quickly, she grabbed the four boxes that sat on the island and rushed out of the room to gather her stuff, but not before sending a pained glare to the kitchen sink.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

It was an irrefutable fact in Y/n’s mind that in recent years her luck had been waning. But, when the lightbulbs began flicker and promptly lose all power along with the rest of the house as soon as she placed down her last box, Y/n was happy at least the god of timing was smiling down upon her, even if Lady Luck wasn’t.

Y/n glanced out the window, seeing nothing but a sea of white. The already thick flurries from earlier had grown into a full-on blizzard in the hour she was collecting her things. Luckily the bits of light that managed to make it through the heavy snow and flow through the large front window illuminated the entryway in lieu of the now non-functional lights, allowing Y/n to see what she was doing as she gathered one of the boxes into her arms for her first trip to her car. With the storm getting so bad that the power went out, Y/n knew her window of opportunity to leave was rapidly fading away. Waiting it out with Schlatt was not an option. it would be too painful, a harsh reminder of what they once had. Shifting the box's weight to one arm, Y/n used her other one to open the front door.

"Are you insane?" Schlatt shouted from the doorway into his office. He quickly rushed over, his hand darting out to quickly shut the front door before Y/n could exit through it and head into the thick, opaque wall of white that laid outside. "It's snowing so hard you wouldn't be able to see your hand in front of your face! You'd get killed trying to drive out there!" Despite his angry demeanor, Y/n knew Schlatt well enough to see through it as a cover up for his concern.

She couldn't help but scoff in response to his worry, even though she knew he was right about the danger. Reluctantly relenting, Y/n placed her things down. "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't drive." She glanced out of the house's front window. "But don't you dare act like you'd care if I got hurt."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Schlatt's hand darted out to grab Y/n's arm and turn her to face him, the softness of his grip a stark contrast to the harsh desperation of his movements.  "I'm not the bad guy here. I'm not the one who ended things, I'm the one who's fighting for us!"

"Yeah, I know. You won't stop blowing up my phone and acting like you're such a fucking martyr for it." Y/n pulled her arm out from his grasp, glaring up at the larger man. "Don't act like you're some innocent, blameless party who I oh so greatly wronged. Neither of us were perfect in our relationship, neither of us could give the other what they needed."

Schlatt looked appalled at her statement. "Don't speak for me! You gave me everything I needed, everything I could have possibly wanted!"

"Don't delude yourself, Jacob, I could never be good enough for you. I could never be good enough for your life." Y/n's eyes were full of resentment. "But even if so, what did I get in return? A boyfriend who's always too busy to spend time with me, and when he does find time, he's drunk? A partner I can't even talk about to anyone? A five-fucking-year relationship with a man who refuses to pop the question while he builds his brand by flirting with other people to an audience of millions?" Y/n's face contorted in sorrow as she desperately held back her tears.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Why did you let this grow worse until you broke?"

"When could I have sat you down to tell you? You hardly even had time in your schedule to eat the meals I made." Y/n snapped. Schlatt stayed silent, unable to refute. She sighed. "Face it, Jacob. You can't love me in the way I need you to without giving up everything you've built."

Tension thickened the air into cement as the two stared silently at each other, daring the other to say something first. Hesitantly, Schlatt opened his mouth to speak. "I would have given it all up for you in an instant." His voice was gentle and meek.

Y/n turned away from him to hide the tears that finally overflowed and spilled down her cheeks. Oh how her heart soared at those words, but Y/n knew taking up his offer would mean cruelly ripping his passion and a lifetime of hard work away from him. Y/n couldn't possibly entertain the idea of doing that to someone she loved.

"I'm going to check on Jambo. Just let me go."

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Hours later the light faded from the outside, the room only illuminated with the many candles Y/n had lit. Y/n shivered with slightly chattering teeth as she sat on top of Schlatt’s bed, a throw blanket pulled tightly around her body by her hands that were beginning to bear blue-tinted fingernails. She was alone in the room with her stubborn pride, Jambo abandoning her minutes ago. 

It would be so incredibly easy for her to crawl under the covers, to be embraced by the warm, plush duvet she had insisted Schlatt purchase as a housewarming gift for themselves after they were wishing they had one during the last snowstorm they endured. Part of Y/n longed to just say fuck it to everything and crawl under, but a louder part of herself insisted it would be giving in. To what? She wasn’t sure. However, her resolve was quickly fading as her body grew more cold.

The bedroom door creaked open and the light of a flashlight lit up the room.. Y/n looked up from the bed, her eyes meeting Schlatt’s.

“It’s freezing.”

With Y/n shivering so much she didn’t have the energy for negativity, nor the energy to respond at all, instead she pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

Schlatt sighed, crossing the room and coming to a seat beside her. He placed the flashlight on the end table, keeping it on for more lighting. In his hands he held a different bottle of Jack than the one from earlier, this one appearing freshly opened, save for a few missing swigs.

“Apparently drinking will warm you up. I don’t think it actually does to be honest, but surely waiting out a snowstorm with some alcohol in your system is better than waiting it out completely sober,” He explained, gingerly holding the bottle out to Y/n.

After a few seconds of debating, Y/n reached out and accepted his offer, wincing as her nearly numb hands came in contact with the ice cold glass. Quickly she took a large gulp before handing the bottle back to Schlatt.

“It doesn’t work,” Y/n confirmed quietly.

Schlatt exhaled a small chuckle. “Thank you for peer reviewing my theory.” He examined the bottle in his hands before taking a sip of his own. “It’s always impressed me how you could drink liquor so easily from the first time you tried it.” He offered the bottle to her once again.

Y/n accepted the bottle and stared down the neck of it for a few moments in embarrassment. “It wasn’t actually easy until recently, I just didn’t want to be the girl in that Carrie Underwood song.” This time she took a smaller sip before handing it back.

The hint of a grin tugged at Schlatt’s lips. “That checks out…”

He brought the bottle to his lips but paused before he drank any, seemingly lost in thought. He screwed on the cap and placed the bottle on the end table. Y/n couldn't stop the small, proud smile that forced itself onto her face, an action that hurt with the stiff coldness of her cheeks. Despite the happiness that seeing Schlatt stop himself from drinking had brought her, the action showing he truly listened to her words from earlier, Y/n didn't draw attention to it to avoid any possible embarrassment on his behalf.

Y/n looked away quickly when Schlatt turned his head to glance at her, jumping when the back of his hand made gentle contact with her cheek. 

“God, you don’t just look like you’re freezing. You feel it too,” He muttered. 

Y/n moved her head away from his delightfully warm touch. “It’s fine.”

With a sigh, Schlatt stood up from his seated position on the bed, pulling out a corner of the blanket and gesturing for her to get in. “You’re going to get sick.”

“No, Jacob, It’s fine,” She insisted, although the prospect was growing more tempting by the second.

“I don’t know why you need to make this so difficult, Y/n. It’s cold, you’re cold, just get in the damn warm bed. You don’t need to be so prideful!”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she mumbled, trying to seem angry as she quickly scrambled under the covers, hoping he didn’t notice how she melted into the mattress contentedly.

Schlatt followed her in.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” She protested, shocked.

“It’s cold as fuck, are you really going to make me freeze just because we broke up?” Schlatt asked. “Besides, I’m not going to try anything. I’m a gentleman.”

“You’re a schlentleman, there’s a difference,” She huffed and looked away from him, instead she chose to gaze up at the white popcorn ceiling. 

“And what’s the difference? It just sounds funnier?”

“No, the difference is that you’re Jacob Schlatt. You’re always up to something. Usually it’s funny, but I’m not in the mood right now. I just want to go home.”

Schlatt was silent for a few moments, but didn’t move. Y/n could feel his warm leg ever so slightly touching hers, a small connection that seemed to warm her body in more ways than just temperature.

“How’s your new place treating you?” He asked.

“Good…” She thought about it for a few moments. “Good. It’s just a studio apartment. Huge windows.”

“You’ve always loved those,” Y/n swore that she could hear a bittersweet smile in his voice. “You got that window seat you’ve always wanted?”

“No, not yet. Maybe one day,” She sighed hopefully, the picture of reading or doing her work while seated on one dancing into her mind. “Any issues with the house?”

“No, shockingly,” He laughed. “It’s a relief after all the housing issues we’ve been through.”

“Yeah…” Y/n agreed, reminiscing on all the problems they’d been through together. They were the only stable thing in each other's lives in a time of seemingly impossible to get through instability, and now that was over. Her chest tightened. “I’m glad things are going good for you, Jacob.” She turned her head to look at him, a small smile on her lips.

His brown eyes met her own, staring into her. “You and I both know that things are not going good.”

She gulped, looking back up at the ceiling, unable to handle the intensity of his stare and words.

“Things just wouldn’t work out between us,” Y/n tried to explain.

“Why? Why not?” Schlatt begged, making her face him again. “I told you, I’d give up my career for you!” 

“I don’t want you to! You’ve spent so long on it, it makes you so happy. And…” She swallowed, trying to keep the words from coming out. “I’m not special or important enough for that.”

Schlatt’s eyes widened. “Where’d you get that idea? Y/n, I was with you for five years, you’re the most amazing person I know!” His hands cupped her cheeks and Y/n had to stop herself from dissolving into his comforting, warm touch.

“You never showed it! You were always busy, I always had to hide our relationship. I’ve just always felt unwanted…” Her vision grew blurry with the forming of tears. “It’s no matter now, it’s over.”

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Schlatt looking guiltily into Y/n’s eyes as he tenderly held her face. Realistically it was only a few minutes until the larger man hesitantly moved closer to Y/n, his slightly chapped lips pressing against hers. Y/n’s brain screamed at her, not for her sinking into the action and accepting it, but for pushing him away in the first place. She had been fighting with her true feelings for too long, and now she didn’t have the strength to continue.

“Tell me, tell me if you don’t want this and I’ll stop for good. I’m not going to force you to love me if you don’t want to.” His face was nervous and hopeful as he pulled away. “But if you have any doubts about that at all, I’ll keep fighting for you. For us. I’ll do whatever I can to make things right.”

Y/n opened and closed her mouth slightly a few times, she found herself unable and unwilling to form a protest. She wanted this, she wanted him. She didn’t want to keep running. With his touch, everything suddenly felt fixable. No longer did everything seem like a large, unclimbable mountain. All their problems sunk into the shape of hills.

“Please, do that again.” She whispered.

Schlatt grinned.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The sunlight flowed through the window, illuminating Schlatt in its rays of gold. Y/n pulled herself into a sitting position and watched him for a few moments before she slowly crawled over him in an attempt to get out of the bed without waking him. Still dressed in the clothes she had arrived in, Y/n quietly moved to the door on the tips of her toes.

“Y/n?” Schlatt’s tired and anxious voice sounded from the bed.

“Go back to sleep,” She urged.

“Are you leaving?” 

“I can’t stay in bed all day.”

“Please, don’t go,” He begged, sitting up.

“Get back in bed, go back to sleep,” She rushed over, gently placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back into the mattress. 

His hand grabbed her wrist, keeping her from leaving. “I thought we worked this out last night, we promised to communicate. Y/n, talk to me. What’s going on?” His brow furrowed.

She huffed. “I was trying to make you breakfast in bed, but I wasn’t sneaky enough.”

Schlatt’s face softened as he pulled her onto his body, hugging her close. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“I’m sorry, please let me up. Even if it’s no longer a surprise I need to make breakfast” Y/n tried to get away but his strong arms kept her still.

“Baby, it’s cold outside. Come lay with me where it’s warm. Just for a few minutes?” He pleaded.

She relented, his begging making her body warm with the feeling of being loved. “Of course Jay, just for a few minutes.”

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Schlatt tags: @d444zed

[arson-09]

Acowar Review✨✨ sjm needs to pay for my therapy✨✨

Its not as infuriating as acomaf but its still… bad.

Point 1: the court of ignorance and dumbassery

Lets cut to the chase. why the FUCK didnt feyre read Tamlin and Luciens minds at ANYPOINT while she was doin her hot girl shit of taking the spring court down??? huh sjm??? why is your fmc only powerful when convenient. So much could have been cut down. Acowar was way too long.

The whole destroying of the spring court didnt even make that much sense. Im all for a girlie getting back at the people who wronged her but feyre ended up hurting a lot of innocent people in the process. Feyre even tries to ignore the consequences of her actions. She had to invade peoples minds and manipulate people to get them to turn against tamlin and all this could have been avoided if she read his damn mind and learned he was a double agent. Lucien even hinted towards it

Part One: Princess of Carrion »

Chapter Six

None. It was either go to war with the Night Court and Hybern, or ally with Hybern, let them try to stir up trouble, and then use that alliance to our own advantage further down the road." "What do you mean," I breathed. But Lucien realized what he'd said, and hedged, "We have enemies in every court. Having Hybern's alliance will make them think twice." Liar. Trained, clever liar.

If feyre is supposed to be so smart, and she did pick up on this, why didnt she do anything? This is so frustrating.

Then once she leaves the spring court i found myself frankly not caring. Acomaf hadnt given me enough to care about the inner circle so i didnt and sjm cant make me like rhysand. which i have so many gripes but for word counts sake let me name my main ones

Point 2: Sarah Janet Maas and her shitty love interests

the ignoring rhysand sexual assault of feyre and EXCUSING it and his little habit of not telling his court things

Part Two: Cursebreaker »

Chapter Twelve

Was it going on before you even left?" I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. "I never touched Rhysand like that until months later." "You kissed Under the Mountain." "I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing." "And yet this is the male you now love." He didn't know-he had no inkling of the personal history, the secrets, that had opened my heart to the High Lord of the Night Court. They were not my stories to tell

here we have sjm acknowledging that yeah, rhysand Sexually Assaulted Feyre UtM in Acotar. Without her consent he dressed her inappropriately (which she was uncomfortable with) had her dance provocatively in his lap, kissed her, and made her drink alcohol so she wouldn't remember the details all without her consent. Yet Sjm is going “its fine” now and feyre herself going “you just dont get it…” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Now see if sjm actually planned for rhysand to become the love interest why didnt she just avoid all this by having Amarantha make rhysand do this to feyre? Because that would have solved some issues but no. Because Rhysand did all this of his own free will in acotar. He actively chose to do this to feyre. To humiliate her and anger Tamlin because rhysand is obsessed with Tamlin.

Rhysand also loves to not tell his own court things. I was and still am very angry over him not telling Mor, Azriel, Cassien and at the very least his Wife about his plan with the court of nightmares. Just why.

Mors anger towards Nesta also makes no sense. sjm stop writing girl on girl hate challenge impossible

Point three: That one toy story scene “I dont wanna play with you anymore!”

Now tamlin. Tamlin tamlin tamlin im so sorry love for what sjm has done to you. If i start ill never stop. What Tamlin said to feyre and rhysand at the high lords meeting was out of pocket but he also wasnt wrong about some things. Also from established character these actions make no sense and his actions havent made sense since acomaf because sjm threw him and his character away to play with shadow daddy and bad morals. But she also cant commit to making a character of hers actually evil so tamlin saves the whole day by bringing the autumn court to fight and saving rhysand life. Tamlin has redeemed himself by sjm standards but she then wrote the holiday novel which i have read and detested.

Overall the plot was fine. i guess. it probably looked better when compared to the characters.

Sjm learn to redeem characters outside of “ooh they were abused and have trauma so everything they do is okay” for guys and “she fell in love/had sex with the most PERFECT MALE TO EVER MASCULINE.” its boring and flat. Also i know what happens in Acosf (i will not be reading that ty) so wtf happened to Nesta bro. she got the tamlin treatment. boooo 👎

to end off heres some of my favorite highlights from acowar 50%+ thru the book.

[soodoonimin]

Wade Wilson and the self:

So I’ve stated before I’m not Deadpool’s #1 fan BUT I am reading some of his comics alongside Wolvie's so I thought I’d give a character analysis a shot. This is going to be shorter than my Logan one because unfortunately I’m just not as in tune with the character, I’m super sorry but I hope it’s still good! :)

Some imagines are kind of graphic and gross so beware.

Dear Wade Wilson,

Who are you? No really who are you? Because as you may already know you’ve had many writers over the years, your character has changed drastically in the 33 years you’ve been ink on a page. So who are you?

Deadpool is an enigma, except for the fact that he isn’t. He both is and isn’t a good person. He’s someone who keeps a blind elderly woman hostage in his apartment and someone who talks teenagers down from the literal ledge. He is actually a pretty smart person depsite the million different ways he acts like a complete dumbass.

So here’s what I find kind of funny (sad) about Deadpool. He seems to also believe himself to be a monster (which is something we talked about with Logan) but the difference is between Logan and Deadpool is also where they’re the same and this little bit about him comes up a lot. See Deadpool had a little more of a fighting chance than Logan when it came to living a "normal" life but because of circumstances outside of his control he was walked down the path he currently finds himself on and when he actually realized where he was and what he was to people, he was utterly mortified by it.

People react to these kinds of things diffrently and that reaction isn't static, it can change over time. For Wade I think his general view on his situation is kind of mix of nihilistic and absurd. And he regularly toes the line between caring, not caring and doing whatever for the lols. (of course this depending on who writing him bc Wade does change a lot depending on the writing BUT I think that just fits so well with his character).

Wade uses humor to distract from his pain (both physical and emotional) but I also kind of think that him being annoying, him letting people hate him is just a way he punishes himself for just existing. It's easy and it requires very little work on his part and in a weird way it gives him an excuse to not care about the world.

Especially because he believes he's not really a person, because he believes he's a comic book character.

And so I have this HC about him and his 4th wall breaking abilities. See, I don't think the reason he's “crazy” is because of the torture of the Weapon X (or weapon plus or whatever) program or because of his cancer. I think Wade is crazy because when he finally "woke up" and saw what was had happened to his life, when he saw what he'd become and all the terrible things he did, I think that's what what broke him. Because I think that for all the terrible terrible things Wades does/has done he is still a good person to some extent, he still has a good heart and so imagine you're a kind person, who looks back one day and you see all the terrible things you've done. All the people killed. Everything. How do you cope with that exactly? Well if. you're Wade Wilson, I think first you start by adopting a world view that makes those realities easier to swallow and two I think you stop believing in reality.

I think him breaking the fourth wall is in a way him disassociating into our reality the same way many of us disassociate into his. That's how he's able to have that connections with us but because we're unable to respond to him and because he can't *actually* see us it does very little to comfort him.

What worse about this though is he doesn't really have much if any connection with the people around him. Like yes, he does have his daughter and his friends but the things is, its impossible for him to truly connect with those people in his life because he doesn't see himself as worth that love.

So specifically in the WW3 comic I think the reason he picks Logan as the person to help him is because he kind of already knows Logan doesn't like him BUT he can't help but feel this kind of kinship with the mutant and he know Logan is a genuinely good person and wouldn't just leave him to die. It's a little manipulative but he's desperate.

The thing is (especially in that comic) he doesn’t see how him and Logan are different.

See Logan’s “monster” is more or less, real and it's something he had no control over. His mutation (the very thing he fears) would have always come to disrupt his life, would have always made him a monster in the eyes of others if not himself and so in some ways, Logan was set up for failure at the start.

Wade on the other hand is different in that like all of us he made choices (that were yes heavily influenced by bad circumstance) and there is a possibility that had he his childhood been significantly better or not gotten diagnosed with cancer, he may have walked a less destructive path. The “monster” that he'd become might not haven't never existed because there isn't anything wrong with Wade and there isn't anything about Wade (that doesn't have to do with the Weapon X program) that people would have any reason to inherently hate.

As it stands though, he knows he’s done bad things and although he knows he can’t make up for them, he also doesn’t know how to forgive himself, I doubt he'd even want to if he knew how. In the WW3 comic he almost spells out that he feels like a lesser version of Wolverine because of how he got his abilities.

To him every other hero, from his childhood hero (Captain American) to his current totally best friend (Spider Man) or his other best friend (Nate Summer) are all just a reminder to him of how inadequate he will always be. What's funny to me about the his relationship with all three of these people. (despite the fact that they all make him feel the same kind of inadequacy) is how he treats them.

W/ Cap he treats him the way you might treat your idol. Serious and with respect.

W/ Spidy, he literally fawns over him, is practically in love with him, he's constantly looking after him and in a weird way seeks to be like him.

W/ Cable is where it's interesting because Wade almost never misses an opportunity to mock Cable. Never misses an opportunity to try to a blow to his ego despite the fact that they are technically friends.

What the difference?

W/ Cap it’s because exactly as I said before, that’s his hero. The man he idolizes and will forever wish he could be.

W/ Spidy its more interesting bc I think his obsession w/ Spider-Man is more to do with the fact that he envies him. He envies his (for lack of a better work) innocence. He is envies his moral convictions and he in some respects envies the life he imagines spidy must live. But instead of letting that envy turn him green I think he unconsciously channels into that obsessive behavior.

And W/ Cable, I think it has a a lot to do with the fact that Cable (like many) does call Wade out on his shit, it isn’t necessarily about kill but it’s seems like when Wade and Cable butt heads, it’s less black and white philosophy on the ethics of killing and more the morality of actions and inaction and what that means for the people involved (we’ll get there don’t worry).

So here's kind of where I'm going to go into a soft rant about heroes in the Marvel universe. I think the no killing rule is fine. I understand the idea, especially for heroes like Spider Man, why "no killing" is a rule one is inclined to follow. What I do often find very frustrating is the moral superiority that certain heroes take on when following that rule and how they apply that to their fellow crime fighters. Yes I know Wade is a nitrous mercenary and so he isn't always killing for "moral" reasons but when he takes that skill set into the hero business I do feel like he gets shit on more than he deserves idk, maybe my hate for Spider-Man supersedes my (relative) disinterest in Deadpool that I’m willing to defend some murder if it means spiting the web head.

Back on track…

So in the WW3 comic, I think the real reasons Wade's 'becoming' (or his attempt to be human as he believed it to be) failed is because in some respects Delta was right. Wade put too much stock into the idea that he and Wolverine were one and the same and the issue is, he was wrong. Of course, not because Wolverine is a monster but because Logan and Wade face a similar challenge, just on a different plane of existence.

Logan's challenges are all about accepting who he and seeing the good within himself, seeing that yes the monster he's scared of does exist and it does live under his skin but that monster isn’t him in any meaningful way.

Wade's problems are more in line that he can't see the good that already exists in himself. He can’t see that his will and desire to change puts him leagues ahead of where he thinks he is. See I think what some people tend to forget in the idea of healing is that you do need to be able to forgive yourself for whatever you did in the past. I think Wade doesn’t understand that just because the world may never see him as nothing more than a “overpriced mercenary” that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s all he is.

I think Wade failed in the WW3 comic (and I think the reason his character struggles so much with himself) is because he underestimates his own humanity. And in the WW3 comic specifically he expected a quick fix to his perceived problem and when nothing changed he was faced with the reality that most of us have to face at some point or another. That there is nothing wrong with us. We might have flaws, yeah everyone does but in our core there’s nothing “wrong” and when Wade was faced with that reality I think he understood it (especially considering the ending of this comic) but I wonder if he was a real person, would he be able to apply that lesson to himself? Who knows…

However I think for his character, a bit of his self-image struggles may also have to do with what he sees in the mirror (literally) and that means something because aside from adding to the tragedy of his character I think his scarred face says something about how the world sees him rather than how he sees himself.

Why do I think that? Well here’s this thing right. In the Spidey-Deadpool comics, Wade makes a deal with his love (Lady Death) and basically in order to save Spider Man he has to “pay a price” so here’s the thing. In the very next set of comics Wade’s scars are gone he looks normal and I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this normal look at his outside reflecting his inside and all that and like yes BUT. What I really don’t see most people talk about is that his wife (Shiklah) over the course of the comics stops finding his attractive and like yeah some of this is a result of him trying to be a good guy but there are also times when she directly tells him he looks disgusting even though he looks normal. So for one reason or another death made him look normal but as a direct result of this, he essentially sacrificed his marriage.

This gets even more confusing because when he's forced to kill Itsy Bitsy, he basically immediately goes back to looking kind of gross again even though this was another sacrifice he had to make. I think maybe the way that he looks (at least in that Spider Man run is more of a reflection of his conscience) I think in a weird way Death cleared his guilt and thus gave him his face back but when he was forced to kill again (no matter how justified) that guilt overwhelmed him and boom his back to looking that way again.

I don't know if he would know this directly but I think its very fitting with his character that his outward appearance has less to do with his actual culpability and more about how he feels about that situation because again Deadpool does a lot of shitty things but more or less for the right reasons but regardless he never feels good about any of it.

This is also funny though, because of his lack of self esteem and desperate desire to be seen as a good guy, he’ll do things that would undoubtedly put in him on the wrong side of history for the express purpose of feeling better about his actions.

Take him being on the side of the Super Human Registration Act during Civil War. I don’t doubt that he justifies his actions to himself by saying “those kids that died could have been my daughter” (because he does say this) but during his fight with Cable (see told you we’d come back to him) it isn’t his ideals that are being challenged. No, actually what was being called into question was his morality and the very thing (at the time), that he’d put a lot of his self worth stock into was shown to be extremely corrupt (and by his best friend no less). Wade is looking for anything and everything to grasp onto that isn’t himself that will give his life meaning. Even if it is a corrupt system, he’s willing to look the other way if gives him the feeling of being more than he think that he is and yet I don't think he realizes that that thing he's been looking for has been right in front of him for a while now.

Part of me wonders how Wade sees his relationship with Ellie. Because unlike Logan, his relationship with her isn’t strained because sees too much of himself in her, in fact from what I can tell they have a very loving relationship despite the fact that Wade doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of being Ellie’s dad. And kind of going back to the WW3 comic, what I find super interesting and very sad is how Logan and Wade are so similar in so many way but also so very different. Where Logan sees his (many) children and sees all the ways he's failed them , all the things wrong with himself, all the ways he fucked up and all the things that were taken from him, and thus he tries to distance himself from them in every way possible.

Wade sees Ellie and he see the one and only good thing about him and like a truly good parent he nurtures that brightness in her (not a diss on Logan's parenting btw but this about Wade lmao) and although he does keep his distance because of the nature of his work and the nature of himself he doesn’t alienate her from his life. In some weird way, I think the fact that Wade does keep his distance from Ellie in the way that he does actually makes their relationship stronger and I think it speaks deeply to the goodness of Wade that he tried to deny exists.

The way I read Wade Wilson is a representation of, no matter how badly we may fuck up in life, no matter how many mistakes we might make or how many times we might make those same mistakes, we should never give up on being better even if it means losing people along the way. And we should recognize that “being better” is not only hard but also that it isn’t always contingent on what others think of you. You’re always going to be annoying, or rude, or obnoxious or whatever in someone’s eyes for whatever reasons (and sometimes they might be right) but at the end of the day if you are kind and you care and know that you did the best you could then what more could the world ask from you?

[greenandbreathing]

just read your maddie/caitlyn fic and ohhhh????my?? god??? life changing. i know you said you probably won’t write for them/arcane ever again (ooooo 🌀🌀🌀 you wanna write more maddie/cait fic so bad) but id love to know if you have any headcanons for their relationship dynamics 💕

hey omg thank you so much for reading !!! do i have headcanons…… oh my friend. you doubt me

(i'm gonna keep these sfw but if people want specific nsfw ones i couldddd be persuaded. speaking of which, this is the fic in question)

first of all i wanna start off with this. if you think they were ever “in a relationship” or “girlfriends” you are making your first mistake. here we have a woman who has just lost her mother and the real love of her life within a week, and then immediately she is handed more power than she even truly knows what to do with, try as she might to make it seem like she has it under control. she’s grieving and heartbroken but she doesn’t have time to manage anything  because she has a war to deal with. and then we have her subordinate, her coworker. imagine you are a girl with a raging hard on for power who has just witnessed a very hot officer ascend to leader of her house and your commander. she’s also in such a vulnerable position that it would be impossible not to offer her your shoulder to cry on. caitlyn is not herself, maddie is a horny twenty year old lesbian. i don’t believe that maddie was a traitor from the beginning, but i do think she was being remarkably selfish and did not care that caitlyn was using her. furthermore, i think she was into that part of it.

more under the cut!

THAT BEING SAID! there is nothing wholesome about what was going on between the two of them. maddie’s smart, and she feeds cait all the praise and validation she needs to create a bandaid on her heart, and caitlyn takes it all in because nobody else is around to take care of her. at a point where she has never felt more unloved, here is a girl willing to smother her. fine. 

i do think that the deleted scene where maddie approaches caitlyn at a bar and has a heart to heart with her did happen. i think that’s how it started. i think they shot the shit and had a few too many drinks and caitlyn invited maddie home with her, and it startled her the next morning when she realized she didn’t feel any regret about it, only a dull sort of. well. that happened. it was kind of cathartic? i actually think she had a spring in her step following the first time, which pissed her off because it meant for sure that this probably wasn’t going to be a one time thing. and it wasn’t. 

maddie loves it. she sees it as being useful and helpful, but she also folds so easily for a girl who will boss her around. she’s a follower to her core: when someone’s in charge, she has to be the best for them (i.e. gold star sticker — good job, maddie!) 

maddie lovesss getting to stay the night at cait’s. her sheets are soft and always clean, there’s no risk of being interrupted or overheard, and she will take every opportunity to use her fancy shower (and maybe— no, definitely— all of her expensive products. you can’t convince me that she isn’t secretly having everything showers with cait’s stuff) 

maddie is an abhorrent bed sharer— blanket stealer, toss and turner, the works. the only way cait is able to get under the covers fully is if she snuggles up to maddie, which maddie occasionally (unwisely) mistakes as genuine affection. its not, really. (although, cait will sometimes relish in the comfort a little more than she should, too. but she’s more aware of herself) 

i wish i had a clear answer on how i think maddie switched sides, but it’s so difficult to sort out in my head because i do think season 2’s writing is really flawed in a lot of ways (not an unpopular opinion), one of those being maddie’s whole character. i think ambessa manipulated her though, i don’t think maddie turned on cait on her own. if anyone has thoughts on this i’d be interested to hear them! 

[neilanuruodo]

Absolutely crazy how the Emperor saves the player from Minthara if they side with the goblins and destroy the grove.

Basically, whether you pursue her romance or not, you wake up from a dream of "stabbing yourself" to find her over you with a dagger in her hand and a shocked expression. If the player didn't romance her, there is a persuasion or intimidation check to convince her to stand down; if they did romance her she dives right into her concerns.

(No romance)

(After romance)

She's a smart cookie. She noticed that her "god" wasn't talking to her, connected it to the player character and the oddness around them, and decided to deal with the problem directly - even if she and the player character had been intimate.

(Incidentally, this gives us a foretaste of the kind of Elder Brain the Absolute was. The kind that maintains constant control over its subjects - which the Emperor later confirms as well.)

But then something interesting happens - despite the artifact making it impossible, she hears the Absolute's voice and spares the player.

(No romance)

(After romance)

It's not the Absolute's voice. It can't be; Orpheus's protection makes it impossible. It's the "dream guardian," using the same sort of powers that let it enter the party's dreams and communicate with them. Since the Emperor spent more than 13 years after its rebirth as an illithid (plus an unspecified amount of time between when Gortash brought it back to the Elder Brain before it picked up Shadowheart and entered the Astral Prism) it would know the Absolute's voice. It would know how to imitate it.

And it makes perfect sense. The dream guardian guides the player to Moonrise to find the colony there and to discover what's really going on. Sure, it knows the Absolute is an Elder Brain - it has to know, having been thrown forcibly into this mess by Gortash - but it can't reveal how it knows without revealing it's an illithid (and we know how poorly that revelation goes over for a lot of players). This is another way to help the player character get there, both by putting Minthara's fears to rest and giving the player character every reason to go into the Absolute's stronghold.

And we know for a fact Minthara is under Orpheus's protection the same as the player character because she tells us so in a bit of dialogue after her romance scene.

(Directly after Minthara's romance scene)

Given how the artifact responds when she wonders how it was possible the Absolute's voice in her mind went silent, it's clearly the source.

And it's not like the Emperor found some way to exclude her from the anti-hivemind communication field. If it had, she would have definitely gone through with the whole murder thing, for one. Having the infected that aren't under the Absolute's control come to Moonrise is really not in Her best interests, but it is in the party's and in the Emperor's. It has every reason to convince Minthara not to kill the player, and to instead send them to the Absolute...where they can (hopefully) end Her before She even gets to its beloved Baldur's Gate.

It's a neat and subtle bit of writing that went completely over my head the first time I did Minthara's romance. Hopefully it gives players just another reason to appreciate the Emperor and all it does on the player's behalf.

[bl-inded]

Why Wen is the best adult on Moonlight Chicken

This show had four weeks to make its impact and boy did it! I will be the first to admit that when the show started I was verryyyy ready to hate Wen. The trailers and first few made very clear implications that were meant to be picked up by the audience. I was extremely happy that they subverted it. But i think even if they hadn't i would love Wen. It is some great complex character writing (and no, he doesn't have to be messy for him to be complex, fight me).

When we first see Wen we get a hint that he is not necessarily in the best place in life. He's still doing pretty well for himself, but he's looking for something. I will preface this by saying, Wen is still flawed. How he handled the situation with Alan left much to be desired.

But the reason why I will stand by Wen is because he makes it a point to keep his mess separate from the rest of the characters as well as he can. Jim, Alan and Wen are the only ones who are even involved in their relationship drama, and that is by design.

Wen's interactions with Li Ming especially are proof to this. He has absolutely no reason to help this kid. But he did. And you cannot tell me he wouldn't adopt Li Ming and Heart in an instant even if Jim and Wen never got together.

My favourite choice about this is that it would have been sooooo easy to use Wen and Li Ming's interactions as a means to make him more attractive in Jim's eyes. But never once in the show did they do that (🥲 let me take this time again to thank P'Aof. Sir. You are everything 🤌🏼)

This moment

This was the exact moment I was like, yeah. He is gonna be the best mentor to Li Ming (and maybe Heart).

He is not afraid to ask for advice, but is smart enough to not take the advice at face value. He never pushed his drama onto anyone else. His relationship with Alan exists in isolation with his relationship to Jim (much to Alan's disappointment) but when push comes to shove he still chose to stay by Alan because he had no one else to take care of him at the time.

He gives Jim all the time he needs to adjust to Wen. He is nothing more than a gentle nudge in the "ik you were hurt, but find it in you to let me in" agenda. He understands that Jim needs that time and let's him set the pace.

He recognises Kaipa needs someone and for that someone to be Jim (credit where credit is due for Jim doing the same thing with Wen and Alan) and not once questioning his own security in that undefined space Wen and Jim are in.

I will admit, i have a Mix bias. But it is impossible to disagree that this is probably the best role he's played to date. Both in acting and characterization. He is the most well realised character Mix has played.

I just love Wen okay 😭