#like it’s the perfect amount of somber and laid back energy to where it gives off the feelings of numbness and loneliness so well

[casreturns]

i’ve been listening to this song for a minute but i’m just now realizing how sad it is fr :(

“i remember that you kept tryna tell me, kept trynna tell me i’m moving unhealthy, i wish that something like that would’ve helped me, but like how could you help? i’m a different type of helpless, i know you never felt me, cuz i never told you, i let it drown in henny, codeine in my stomach got a nigga feelin heavy” “i would’ve gave you the the world if you let me” “sometimes i would rather be alone, sometimes i stay away from my phone, sometimes i wonder if she the one” “all this ganja on me got me higher than the sun, backwoods in my lungs, put these pills on my tongue, now these pinks got me numb, i’m off these pinks they got me numb”

[xxwitchylanexx]

A Night Under The Moon-Cloud Strife x Reader

Rebirth Retold Chapter 3

No Story Spoilers

Chapter 4

Masterlist

*~*

That night their group set up camp on the edge of the somber swamp, finally ready to cross the desolate stretch after two weeks of odd jobs in the Woodlands. The murky water and foggy air made for the perfect hunting grounds for the infamous Midgar Zolom. The possibility of being ambushed had everyone on the edge of their seats. You assured them that the camp was far enough away from the edge. The tents more into the woods than on the shoreline would give ample time if it was to strike. However that had little effect on the rising tension becoming more and more charged with anxiety and adrenaline by the second.

You laid flat backed on your sleeping roll with a knee bent towards the sky. You could barely see the gentle twinkles of the stars above through the thick mist that blew off the sulfuric water. You missed the ambient chatter of the Woodlands despite being literal feet from it. The polluted land long since drove out anything but fiends and scavengers. Even the others grew quiet the lifeless swamp slowly sapping the once joyful vibe leaving everyone disheartened.

You couldn’t take anymore. The silence was suffocating and your ears felt as if an immense pressure was pushing against your ear drums causing the intake and exhales of your breathing to echo loudly in your skull. You rose to your feet quickly and strode off into the shadows of the looming treeline. As soon as you felt you were far enough away from the bottomless pits of muck, debris, and decomposing remnants you slowed. You footsteps quieted into the soft padding of the old dirt road you used earlier that day. The dark withered plants that would crumble by the lightest of touches slowly morphed into strong mossy green ferns, and the occasional patch of wild flowers that thrived in the abundance of nutrients the forest provided. You soaked in the bursting energy for the whispers among the leaves, breathed in the crisp clean air, and only then did the infectious despair fade within the steady beats of your heart.

You knew it was silly. You’ve came toe to toe with bigger evils than the Midgar Zolom. You’ve seen worse horrors than the over polluted river that carried the remnants of the mako pipes that have leaked over the years. It was silly that something as insignificant in the scheme of these could unnerve you. You, who has endured an unimaginable amount of humanity’s abominations. You, who did not falter under the strain of pressure or threat of danger.

You just hated that a place like this was seated on the opposite side of such a wondrous place. You hated that anyone who was lucky enough to flee the monstrosities of Midgar only to find some peace in the Woodlands then gets trapped in the complex uninhabitable hunting ground of Midgar’s creation. You hated that your home, or the closest thing to a home you had, was basically a cage to prevent anyone from spreading their seeing Gaia with their own two eyes.

It was hard to believe you were leaving once again. How long had you been here this time? A year? Maybe eighteen months. You were thankful for Bill. Even after having his plate full with raising his grandkids after the death of their parents he still found space to take you in when you had nowhere to go. He provided you with room and board in exchange with training some of his chocobos, and when he realized you had a special talent for connecting with them he even found you some clients interested in giving you a shot. Then through the power of word of mouth and your hard work you built up a clientele that allows you to do this for a living. You never thought people would benefit from your gift besides betting on your tremendous jockey record.

Your feet carried you up a winding foot path and up a steep incline, using a few of the thinner trees to keep your stability. Once the ground leveled out you slipped through a gap in the trees where the grass grew a bit more wild. A few wildflowers popped here and there across the wide meadow, and the forest gale swept through the blades of grass leaving behind its melody. You leaned against the rough bark of the nearest tree and toed off you boots the course stems of grass tickled at the underside of your feet. You bathed yourself in the light of the moon as you twirled across the field to the center taking in a huge breath relishing in the crispness of the air.

You gazed up at the vast sky, finding peace in the gentle winks the stars bestowed upon you. Slowly you sank onto to your knees before laying down until the flat of your back met the chilly ground. You ran her fingertips through the blades of grass at your sides, and gently plucked at a few from time to time. Time slowed as you allowed yourself to swept away from any troubles in the symphony of buzzing wings, the song of the cicadas, and chirping grasshoppers.

You never could get used to how far the sky above you, unlike the steel sky you grew up under. Everything felt so restricting back then. The darkness of Midgar was skilled in clipping your wings before you truly learned to fly. It kept you shackled to the inhuman ways of greed, lust, and power. Though you tried your hardest not to allow yourself to be caught in the lurking memories of the life you led then, you couldn’t help but wonder if anything had changed. Did anyone miss you? Probably not. In fact many slumlords probably slept easier knowing your blade had been buried with the body they believed was yours while your captor raged at the loss of income you’d brought in.

Six years ago you truly thought you were going to die that night in the coliseum. You hadn't wanted to participate in the Corneo Cup but the debt you owed to that woman for your upbringing-if you could call it that- was was high as the walls around Wall Market, and only winning the matches would provide enough to keep your ‘guardian’ at bay. You survived all the rounds by the skin of your teeth, the exhaustion of such a drawn out competition draining you in a way that left you lifeless. So the terror when they announced a surprise finale had hooked its claws into the fascia of your useless muscle. Bile rose into your throat and you actually considered to just lie down and accept your fate. But when your opponent was released onto the stage with you you knew your death would be far worse than any pain you’d experienced before, and you never in a million years thought the Don to be so cruel. Fresh from the depth of the Shinra labs, as if he knew where she came from, a humanoid figure stumbled through the gates. It’d smelled of rotten flesh and smoky char. Painful groans emanated deep in its’ chest since its mouth was branded shut. Claws glowed a foul purple, more that likely a product of producing some kind of venom that could prove fatal or just paralyze you so you’d be conscious as it teared you apart. You didn’t remember a lot of details beyond the pain that consumed you as its claws impaled you and twisted within your belly. You should’ve died.

You were told you’d struck it down before it could finish the job however you lost consciousness. You’d came to weeks after hidden away in a strange bedroom you’d never seen before. That’s when Chocobo Sam waltzed in, filled you in on the details, and proposed an exchange. He’d arranged for the world to believe you dead, and was preparing a funeral. He would smuggle you out of Midgar in exchange for your employment in the world of chocobo racing. After all help never came for free. Even back then in the streets of Midgar you held a special connection with his chocobos, and with a little training he believed you’d be a world class jockey, and in turn make him a lot of money. Now, as a free woman who’s had the chance to finally spread your wings, you looked for ways to atone for the for the things you’ve done, and people you’ve hurt.

You thought if you stayed on your own, embraced the bitter loneliness that forever contained, and used your skills to help the people of Gaia as you wandered from town to town that maybe the sins of the past would begin to fade. And when you take your last breath on this Planet the scars you’ve inflicted would disappear alongside you. At least that was the hope. Though you aren’t really sure anymore. Maybe there was a better way to set things right.

You told yourself you’d accompany them until they arrived at the saucer, return to your work, and consider it another job well done, but with every day, even though it’s only been two short weeks, you find yourself wishing that you would never have to leave them.

Tifa was like a big sister. The raven haired beauty always checked in with to make sure you was eating enough, or that you weren’t getting too worn down from all the fights that seemed to gravitate their way. She asked your favorite foods, and tried to accommodate your preferences alongside everyone else’s, and don’t get you started about how she nitpicks at your sleeping habits. You don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to sleep under the stars instead of inside of a tent.

You got along well enough with Barret. You quickly learned that as long as you listened to his many stories about the planet and how Shinra was shit, which was the one thing everyone could agree on, you’d get along fine. Though you made a mental note to pick up some ear plugs the next time the group stays in a town. You didn’t mind how much his voice carried in the daylight, but if you had to lose another second of sleep to his ground breaking snores you was going to lose you mind.

You absolutely adored Red XIII. The two of you had become fast friends. In fact the moment you offered him some of the choco treats you had, you had him eating out of the palm of your hand. Literally. As a thank you, Red would often curl up next to your bed roll to cast some extra heat your way. Sometimes after everyone else drifted off you’d point out your favorite stars that hung in the sky and he’d teach you the name of it.

Aerith was a breath of fresh air. So upbeat and full of life. She seen the good in everything, and led her life with grace. As they traveled, she’d point out flowers that she liked or ones she thought you’d enjoy as well. You didn’t have the heart to tell her they were just a part of the background for you. She’d ask you so many questions like: Where are you from? What do you like the most about chocobos? What’s your type in guys? The last one so out of left field it caught you off-guard.

The only guy you currently thought about was the one member of the group that remained a mystery.

Your curiosity burned within you, at times consuming your thoughts that’d be better used elsewhere. The occasional peek behind this tough, brooding act fueled you to be more daring, but the odd swelling of your heart urged you to keep your distance, and he had little to no difficulty in avoiding you. Every now and then Aerith— her insistence seemed a bit odd to you but you figured maybe she was just trying to get him to be polite-suggested that he should sit next to you, or accompany you to collect water or firewood, but even then his body would remain as stiff as a board. It was very clear how uncomfortable he was. Yet, from time to time she could feel the way his stare drilled into you, or when you thought it was safe to sneak a peak at him- I mean who could blame you- he’d already be looking at you. Embarrassment would swell at being caught though the weight of his eyes would remain heavy on your flushed face even after you’d look away.

You sighed as your gaze refocused on the luminous moon, and in a moment of vulnerability you asked it to shed some light on the situation, and maybe ease the fluttering in your chest.

Somewhere in her peripheral a green flicker bounced through the tall grass. You rose onto your elbows, and twisted at the hips in the direction you first saw it. You trained your eyes, scanning high and low for the source. You began to believe you had imagined it until the faint green glow flared once again, flashing six times before growing dark. Lightning bugs.

*~*

Cloud hadn’t meant to stumble upon the scene that played out in front of him. If anything, it was Tifa’s fault since she had asked him to go and find more wood for the fire.

He had combed through the woods after no luck finding burnable pieces near the swamp. Everything was soggy and covered in rot from lying in such mucky water. Truth be told, he jumped on the opportunity to stray from stifling group setting. He basked in the tranquil silence that didn’t happen much anymore since the group had doubled in size the only noises he heard now were the crickets calls and his feet swishing across the ground. He aimlessly picked up dry sticks and bark for kindling and trekked over to a few tress that had a few fallen branches that would last awhile when a rhythmic thumping vibrated through the ground from the clearing up ahead. The movement up him on alert dropping the wood to the ground next to the trunk of the tree he was at and brought a hand up to grip the hilt of his sword.

With measured steps, he stalked forward doing his best to blend into the thin shadows the tress cast to the edge of the tree line. His bicep brushed against the bark roughly as he peered around its’ circumferences. Cloud expected some fiends, boy was he wrong.

The entire clearing was bathed in the full moon’s light. Hundreds of flashing lightning bugs fluttered in circles in soft shades of greens and yellow, and in the center of it all was you in all your striking beauty swaying along with the insects’ movements. He felt himself pull his blade from his back and lean it up against the truck that has kept him hidden. His expression softening without his permission and his eyes swimming in awe of the way you danced as if you were the wind yourself.

His feet began to inch closer to you, his clunky boots padded softly in the grass despite being too hypnotized to care if you was loud or not. He found it rather amusing that he’d tried his hardest not to be alone with you and yet here he was being drawn to you like a moth to a flame. He still didn’t know what to say or do around you. Should he act tough, or should he be more gentle? How would he even go about that? What should he talk about, or should he let you choose a topic and just go along with it? What if the other realize he’s acting different around you? Would they all tease him as mercilessly as Aerith did? He was so stuck in his own head that most of the interactions had been awkward he always felt he came off colder than he wanted to. Only for Aerith to have been watching the entire interaction and tease about his ‘crush’. He’d scoffed, and wave her off saying nothing had changed, but you clung to every bit of his free thoughts and he felt like he was going wild.

You weren’t shy or meek. You had the guts to put Barrett in a headlock when he rambled on for two hours about Shinra killing the planet. Did you have a death wish? You were smart and intuitive, winning Red’s affection by appreciating his intelligence instead of treating him as an animal. How you trained with Tifa and surprisingly could hold your own. His head still plagued him with worry that he wouldn’t be able to protect you in the coming challenges this journey will hold. Yet the spark in your eye when you try to convince him to allow you to fight did something to him. He hated how chummy Aerith got with you. Every day she’d approach him with some new info she learned that could ‘help’ him out. You grew up in Midgar. You liked being in the outdoors vs. being inside. You didn’t seem all that interested in flowers. You preferred salty over sweet, and other things she deemed important for him to know. All it did was make his hands clammy when he got close to you, and internally panic as he was unsure how to interact with you.

So why was this moment so different? Sure his pulse raced, but his need to be close to you override the hesitation that consumed him. Maybe he had to be in a trance so his desires could run freely, though his nose crinkled at the thought that he wouldn’t ever be able to be himself around you. He stopped just a few feet away. You were to focused as you hunched over one of the flickering bugs, your braid falling over your shoulder as you leaned over. There was just something so enchanting about seeing you trying to capture lightning bugs like he had when he was young back home on nights sleep eluded him.

Your brows drew together, and that crinkle between them reappeared, as you stretched out your hands and cupped each one in a half circle. You took in a deep breath and exhaled as you quickly clapped your hands around one, as fast as a snake. You shrieked with joy as you hopped a little as cradled the tiny insect against your chest. You peered down at it through the gaps between your finger, a gentle smile graced your pretty face the greenish light highlighting the e/c of your eyes.

He stretched a hand out to you, for what purpose he wasn’t sure, but you must have seen him then out of the corner of your eye because you jolted upwards with a quiet squeak - cute - and hands thrown up releasing the bug you worked so hard to catch.

“Fuck!” you cried as a hand clutched at your chest as you tried to still your rapid heartbeat. “You scared the shit out of me!” You yelled as you stomped over to him and smacked his shoulder. He had to summon all the stubborn willpower in his body to keep the corners of his mouth from inching into a smile. “I worked so hard to capture him, you ass!” You spun the opposite direction without giving him a chance to explain and began looking for your next target like he wasn’t even there.

He scratched at the back of his neck as he shuffled a tiny bit closer to you, “Sorry. I- uh,” Cloud shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. “Was looking for firewood.” Your lack of a response had him cursing at himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have approached you at all. He awkwardly turned back to the forest and intending to collect the branches, get back to the camp, and hole himself up. He even made a few steps back to the treeline before he stopped to consider if he should say goodbye. He twisted on his feet to look at you again.

He hadn’t expected you to be watching him, for your eyes to trace over him, study him, as he struggled with what to do next. The silence continued and while it should’ve felt awkward it didn’t. He huffed before looking over at a group of the bugs to the right of her, muttering. “I, uh, could help.” He flicked his eyes to your face briefly to gauge your reaction, not expecting the lopsided smile to be there as you continued to stare him down. “Or whatever.” He shrugged.

“Really?” You asked your head leaning slightly to the side. He only nodded to answer your question. “Alright, show me those skills, soldier boy.” You laughed the sound making him feel so much lighter.

He groaned at your teasing. “Ex-soldier.”

As ge spent a good hour or two jumping, leaping, and rolling trying to catch one of the damn things, no doubt completely embarrassing himself as you sat back and enjoyed the show, he wished he’d never opened his mouth. You must think him pathetic that a man of his skill set couldn’t catch one little bug, but when he finally caught one to present to you it made every minute of it worth it.

Your eyes lit up like he’d given you the heavens, a wide smile glowed on your s/c skin, and the gentle brush of his hand against yours as he settled it into yours had goosebumps racing against his flushed skin. To be close enough to shamelessly admire you, as you watched the critter flutter around your cupped palms, was enough payment for his services. Not that he’d ever charge you, and he’d do it all again just to see the way your face slowly warmed once you realized the attention he was giving you.

Until you finally couldn’t take it anymore, and you peered up at him through your dark lashes like you did that first day. His heart knocking against his ribs, trying to burst through his chest and land in your palms to be handled just as gently as the bug. Your voice was barely louder than a whisper as you spoke, “Thank you.”

He blinked once and then turned away from you completely. He didn’t wait for you either as he walked back to the edge of the clearing the weight of his thoughts revealing things he’d never expected to feel. How on Gaia did this even happen? One minute he was a bad ass mercenary and one bug later he was a love struck fool. He had to put some distance between you before he lost his mind altogether. He didn’t have time for shit like this. Sephiroth is out there and if he found out, Cloud could only imagine the shit he’d do to exploit this new weakness. He only allowed himself to look back once after he slung his sword onto his back and gathered the wood he’d abandoned there. “Let’s go back.” He called to you before quickly stalking back to the camp, leaving you there alone.

You looked around the shadowed field, noticing all the wonderful critters disappeared almost as abruptly as they appeared. The whole scene faded like a dream and left you with more questions about the man than when you asked the moon just a few hours ago. You glanced at it once more before making your way back to camp wondering if it was mocking you.