#like it wasnt that deep for him apparently and thats totally fine

[hanarchy]

idk what it is abt me like i might be too eager or too absent or not funny enough, or too honest or not honest enough or just weird but like… I get attached to people so fast and they’re just… not attached to me lol

and i’m grown and i’m ok and i do have friends and can deal with it but some days i just… hate myself a lot bc i’m not a person others get attached to? like am i that boring or that awkward or do i act too detached when i’m actually not or what is it??? thats what drives me insane, not knowing what it is. and whats funny is its probably nothing? relationships just move at their own pace? lol

but yeah i hold back sooooo much, like i wanna tell people i love them every day and that they can come to me if they need help etc etc and i dont say it bc i know its weird and aaaaaaahhh fuck

[technowoah]

Taunt

It only takes one time to realize you fucked up.

- ANON REQUESTED!

- WILBUR X FEM! READER BLURB

PROMPTS!

50) "Fuck off... I mean it"

24) "Get in the car" "..." "please get in the car"

⚠︎ angst to fluff, swearing, based on the song Taunt by Lovejoy ❤🐈 its short btw yall

[Updated 3 hours after upload I messed up the prompts sorry yall now it fixed]

She was always asking if he was alright. He always lied to her just to get her off his back for the night, but it was his fault that he wanted her to move in. He has to deal with that all of the time, it was her fault anyways. She made him upset, she made him not alright. She didn't know that. She constantly complained about things that didn't even concern her, she dodged their relationship making it more about her than them.

It was tiring to him. Constantly providing, trying to tie a broken knot, but he didnt let that get in the way of his career, or his friends. There's another issue, he never talked to his friends about her. She accused him of not being proud of their relationship and that became a problem that never got resolved.

Did anyone ever say "no" to her? Well if no one did, he would be the first one to do so. Fuck that.

He listened, and listened, but nothing kept this relationship together.

Wilbur talked to the three people chatting on his discord through his headphones as a soft LED lights flowed through the room. These nights were simple because she didnt have to see him when he decides to stream, he basically has his time set out for himself without trouble. He wasn't ecstatic, he felt horrible, but the facadè was there.

Her on the other hand wasnt happy either. She never got attention from him, and of course she could get moody from time to time like every other human being, but she always took it out on him. Who else was gonna be there for her? He acted like her cared, she knew he was lying. His "caring" consisted of humming and him responding like a default character in a video game. He didn't care, he acted like he never did. She needed that attention and he knew damn well she did.

She wasnt asking for much, at least to her it did feel like it. She knew when she was wrong, but she didn't want to admit it when they were both in the wrong too. They dont get each other, she didnt know why he asked her to move in when he didn't want anything to do with her. Ever since he moved her in he kept her in check like a child, she hated and loved that at the same time. Its true that she wanted her own way, she did what she wanted and gave her attention to whoever she wanted her attention to be. She thought that was fine, but apparently she dosent give any effort to the relationship.

Rolling her eyes at the thought she decided to leave the dishes in the sink dirty. She thought about leaving and finding someone who will get her, yes Wilbur listened to her, but there was no effort. When he's drunk and tries to "figure out what makes her brain tick" ends up in more distaster.

Lying in the couch her mind began to wonder, he always said that she could get away with anything. She always took it as a taunt. Everytime it was brought up. He called it "pretty privilege" and he always taunts her saying she abuses that power.

Her jaw clenched as she recalled those memories. Summoning the courage she brought herself up onto her feet and rushed to their shared bedroom. Taking a deep breath she opened their closet and started pulling her things off of hangers, not caring if she made a mess. She tossed her clothes onto the messy bed that they didn't bother to make this morning.

Bringing a small backpack out from underneath the bed she tried shoving most of her clothes into a bag for a night. In total frustration she emptied the bag and only backed necessities that she would need for the night.

She was tired of him and he was tired of her so she was doing both of them a favor. She made her way out of the door grabbing a coat and sliding on some simple shoes. Shooting a quick text to a close friend letting them know she's coming over. Her friend wasn't that close, but she decided to walk. As she locked the door to their shared apartment she debated texting Wilbur. She didnt want to, but she didnt want him to freak the fuck out because she wasnt home.

( Wilbur )

Me: Ill be back for the rest of my stuff tmrw.

[Read]

She closed her phone and started on her night time journey down the street trying to let everything from the past few weeks go with the cool wind.

Him on the other hand stayed silent. He had just finished his stream and had gotten a text saying that she'll be back for the rest of her things. This was inevitable, one of them had to leave, but to him it didnt seem right. He didn't want her to leave. Something in his heart was making him chase her back, the same thing in his heart that moved her into his apartment in the first place. Maybe it was love, maybe he wanted to persevere and have someone in his life. Something in his mind was telling him that he let go of something special.

Wilbue thought about it as he shut everything off and went to go grab his belongings, before rushing out the door to try and find her. Sadly to his discovery, she turned off her location. He finally made it to his car and started driving towards his house to see if she was around there.

He couldn't call a friend because she never introduced her friends to him. She did that on purpose because of him not doing the same. As he drove down the not so busy streets of Brighton he thought if he could get to know her, pull emotions and feelings out of her and see the real her. And if he cant do that? Who knows what will happen.

He remembers this face she always pulled when he always said "Im alright." She scrunched up her nose in annoyance and he always took it as a taunt because he couldn't figure out the real meaning. They were both going at this the wrong way, he dosent know anything about her and maybe thats the problem, but she needs to calm down as well. She needs to start paying attention to both of them instead of herself.

He was seated at a stoplight until he saw a figure on the sidewalk walking past him. The person looked shocked then kept walking, but even faster this time. He rolled down the window to see it was Y/n walking. Wilbur ran the red light and found a place to turn the car around to follow her. He drove a couple of feet in front of her before putting his hazard lights on and stepping out of the car to confront her.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Wilbur said while getting our of his car.

"Im getting away from you. And what are you doing here?" She said.

"Well I could ask you the same thing. Its not safe out here alone." He calmed down a little. Wilbur's main goal was to get her back home so they can have a civilized talk. He didn't want to be out here.

"Oh? Ive been fine for the past fifteen minutes." She sasser back.

"That dosent mean its not safe!" He exclaimed.

She stayed quiet so that gave Wilbur an opportunity to speak.

"See, I want us to go home so we can have a civilized talk without feeling defensive. I want to get to know you, I know you're my girlfriend and yes, it was my mistake rushing things. Im not putting the blame all on myself either." He finished and she stayed quiet with her arms crossed infront of her chest.

"Are you cold-?"

"Fuck off...I mean it." She said while trying to pass hin on the street.

He stood in her way and he kept doing that every time she tried to get around him. Wilbur saw that she was getting annoyed at his actions. Wilbur held her by both of her biceps trying to hold her still so he could talk.

"You're being childish!"

"Fucking listen to me! You cant just keep walking away from us! From me! This is not healthy!" Wilbur yelled. He let go if her and surprisingly she stayed there.

"Get in the car." He ordered but she stayed silent. "Please get in the car."

She turns around gets in the passenger seat if Wilbur's car. He sighed a sigh if relief and followed her lead. They both got settled into the car and he didn't move. He wasn't going to drive unless she talked to him. After a minute if silence she spoke up.

"I know its- its both of our faults. And i have some things I need to work on. I cant just run away. Also your thoughts of me need to be rearranged, but I need to give you all of me. At leat 50 percent so we can start somewhere. But Im sorry." She said while she looked down at her lap maybe in embarrassment.

In the end they both wanted to fix themselves. In the end they wanted eachother. And they can both see that.

He leaned over the armrest and gave her a kiss on her cheek. She turned to him with a surprise look on her face, like this was the most affection he gave her, because it was true. She grabbed his hand that rested on the armrest too as he started to drive towards their home together.

As the nightly drive continues on and now shes drifting off in the passenger seat as In Love With An E-girl plays softly. She's left too tired to talk with Wilbur and be in touch with her emotions right now, but she'll do it for the both of them this time.

[satellite-trash]

(kind of depressing) psychological analysis of jack atlas  --involving ramen.

So, if youve watched YGO 5Ds entirely (meaning the subbed version as the dub never finishes the ending season) you’d have picked up on Jack’s obsession with instant cup ramen, which would be fine for any character really but it seems out of character for the pompous, upper-class (wannabe), arrogant luxurious Jack Atlas aka THE KING. 

But actually it reveals a lot about him, and actually is really depressing...  There is a massive link between ramen and his lost childhood.

In season 1 we see NO sign of this obsession or even care for ramen. The  only thing he obsesses over to any degree is a) duelling Yusei to claim King b) saving Carly from the Dark Signers or arguably c) trying to figure out his own character as a king (after beaten by Yusei)

But, in Season 2 where he is (arguably...) “redeemed” from villain to teammate/rival, he gains a bit of comedic flare with his obsession with the cheap ramen cups. (and expensive posh coffee).  The coffee obsession suits him. But cheap instant ramen?

His obsession starts Episode 80, where Lazar/Yaeger steals Team 5Ds’ engine programme as well as a cup of ramen.  Jack’s reaction is... comedic?

He’s more pissed at the fact his ramen was taken than the whole important, irreplaceable engine programme theft. Comedic. But his irritation at losing ramen continues in episodes 114-5, where again lazar/yager steals some ramen he wouldve bought and his reaction is...

He is in total fear of just not having ramen.  In fact, he even hoards it - shown in episode 115 where he brings it out to give to lazar.

This is the episode that makes all this comedy turn dark and really depressing.

He reveals that the flavour of ramen reminds him of childhood at Martha’s, sharing it with Yusei, Crow, and the other orphans.   This means that his obsession is like a psychological association to childhood, like sensory association, like how many people can recognise and get nostalgic over smells and tastes without even knowing why.  Jack hoards and eats ramen defensively because he longs for childhood - whether its the relationship he had with friends or the carelessness of childhood, he misses it in comparison to adult life. I mean... who can blame him - theres a reason why so so so many conditions exist mentally that cause people to retract into childhood behaviours, like the whole AdultBaby lifestyle (wont get into it but the platonic side of it is a longing for childhood often lost) or where people continue hobbies such as certain toy collecting etc that they did as kids, OR that they longed to do as kids but just couldnt do for whatever reason/restriction.

he even wants recognition from Yusei for remembering that flavour/memory:

This is why he makes no mention of this in Season 1. Jack S1 was all about the present -no future nor past. He hated his past in Satellite w Yusei etc, openly wanting to ignore it, perhaps guilty for stealing Yusei’s card etc or overall hating that limited and depressive situation.  (I have a headcanon Jack genuinely fell into a depression in Satellite and just acted to get out, but thats too deep for this current time lmao)

Because he didnt want ANY reminder of his past (hence hatred of Yusei, Crow, Kalin, and the entirety of Satellite, or “Satellite scum/trash” as he calls them in the dub), he doesnt want ramen. 

But, S2, he is reformed and has his old friends back, and even martha has accepted him back. So, he realises the error of his ways, and reclines into his lost and mentally more stable childhood. Through ramen. 

His childhood wasnt happier - satellite was at its worst, they were struggling, he had no freedom, in comparison to the S2 situation where he achieved duelling fame, has friends back, and satellite and Neo Domino are united (kinda)

BUT maybe he wants to go back and correct things? Or live a guilt-less and resent-less life again, not having done any wrong? I mean this is impossible to say, but clearly his ramen obsession, now being linked w childhood, means a longing to go back for some reason.

It’s clear he shows regret or sadness over childhood/lost childhood: the only time he cries in the show with tears are over memories from childhood with ramen; 

His face is streaming with tears because of Lazar’s story about ramen and childhood which he related to. He is SO intensely emotional over ramen that it does come of as comedic, which is really strange for the rival character as serious/uptight as jack. I mean, could you imagine Kaiba ever acting like this over, idk, cereal? maybe one time he shared a bowl of cornflakes with mokuba and now he cries every morning eating his cereal because of those memories. idk.

this is 115 when Sherry cuts the pile of ramen boxes out of impatience, Jack is IN HORROR of his prized collection being attacked like this. its like she’s cutting up his childhood memories or something. I mean, it basically is, apparently. 

... 

His comment to Crow summarises all this, 114. He has just screamed at Lazar for stealing “his” ramen (it was the old lady’s but ok jack) Crow asks him to calm down

its right, he cant, no one can. Its something in his mind relating to his childhood, losing ramen or even being in a situation where his ramen might not be “his” safely, unsettles Jack. Ramen represents his childhood in some regard, and the anxiety of losing it causes him to become incredibly defensive and on edge.

-

im sorry for this random and kinda deep/depressing take on Jack. I know we should be thinking positive rn in the current global pandemic, but i just needed to get this analysis thing out there (more a rant actually) because it really struck me when S2 made jack have a weird “comedic” element about him, in his reformed state. It’s not so much comedic, but deep and suiting his character. His obsession over ramen is not just a gag to make him more like a good-guy now he is teammates with Crow and Yusei etc, but it develops his character and gives him reformation in a completely different sense -- it doesnt force his goodness out by just making him into a comedy-relief, but rather gives him emotional backing for his mistakes and wrongdoing in the previous season, and actusally makes it kind of depressing how he arrogantly tried to forget and destroy his past in Satellite with his friends. 

gimme any thoughts you have on this, if you made it this far through the rant (i applaud and love you if you did!!)

i thought of all this because in the current global situation, most people are limited inside and getting depressing, sometimes its better to mentally retract and go back to better times when this whole thing wasnt going on, and for Jack that was childhood.  Sorry for philosophical rant lol, at 1am in the morning for my part of the world~

 here is funny pic to say sorry and lighten the mood~

(that chef has seen some dark things in his life... )

[wolferals]

🌸EX'S AND OH'S🌸

arón piper preference

*

*

Today was your and your boyfriends anniversary! 1 year you've spent with this doofus and he had promised to take you out tonight. Your dates usually consisted of snacks, movies or sometimes dinner at a restaurant. But rarely.

You had just gotten ready and he was about to pick you up.

The beautiful red dress fit you perfectly and your long hair was flowing down your back in some soft curls. Your makeup matched the dress and you had to give yourself some credit. You looked absolutely stunning that night.

About 5 minutes later your boyfriend picked you up.

„Hey y/n." he greeted you without really looking at your appearance. You didn't think anything of it though since he barely does. Yes of course it was shit to have a boyfriend that didnt pay much attention to you but you had gotten used to it over the past months.

„Hey." you smiled and walked over to him to give him a kiss but he just pecked your lips for a second before speaking:"We're running late."

So you walked to his car and he started the engine afterwards. „Do you like my dress? I bought it for tonight." you said smiling at him.

He gave you a quick glance while driving and replied dry:"Yeah looks good."

You could feel the tears building up so you turned away from him and blinked them away, looking out the window.

„Oh by the way, I invited Emma and Arón, u dont mind right?"

Your head shot around. „What?"

Your boyfriend looked at you and said:"I figured it'd be more fun."

You were genuinely shocked. „But its our anniversary." you spoke quietly.

He shrugged his shoulders.

That was his way of telling you that he doesnt really care.

Ouch.

At the restaurant you both sat down at a table for four and you kept swallowing your pride while all you wanted to do was run out of there and cry.

„Man where are they?" your boyfriend suddenly said to you. You had only been there for 2 minutes and he was getting impatient.

„Calm down, they will be here soon." you answered and forced a smile while taking his hand in yours.

But he pulled away instantly.

„Not now. Im stressed."

You couldnt believe him. It was your 1 year anniversary and he just ignored you or treated you like shit.

„Please?" you whispered and looked at his side.

He didnt face you, he just replied:"Stop being clingy y/n."

It hurt. So fucking much.

Sometimes you really doubted if he still loved you, and right now it was proven he had stopped.

But before you could really think about it or actually start to cry, you noticed Emma and Arón walk up to the both of you.

„Hey guys!" Emma smiled and gave you a hug.

„Oh wow your dress is so beautiful!" she complimented you and then went on to greet your boyfriend.

Arón came closer, stared you up and down and then gave you a tight hug. „You look really beautiful y/n."

You smiled at him. And you meant your smile this time.

„Its so nice to see you!" Emma exclaimed and sat down opposite of you.

Your boyfriend kept looking at Emma. While she was telling the story about her last nights dream, your „beloved" boyfriend was biting his lip and you could feel him shifting in his seat.

„Wow Emma, thats so cool!" he suddenly spoke and sent her a bright smile. She had just told how she got her ear pierced last week.

Aron seemed to find it off as well because he gave you a confused look.

„You never said anything about my piercings." you spoke and looked at him.

His head turned to look at you and he replied:"Yeah but look at hers. Its fucking cool."

-„I have the exact same piercing on my left ear."

He shrugged his shoulders.

„Guys cálmese. Its fine." Emma laughed and intertwined her and Arón's fingers on the table.

You guys then ordered your food and drinks. „Can we share the calamari baby?" Emma asked Arón.

He looked at her in disgust and replied:"I hate them you know that."

But thank god your wonderful partner was there to speak up:"Ill share them with you if you want."

You rolled your eyes at him. But the only person who noticed was Arón and he sent you a sad smile.

„Yeah sure if thats okay with y/n." Emma explained.

Before you could say anything your boyfriend said:"Its my choice though, its none of her business."

You looked to your left to pretend like he wasnt there. To pretend like he didnt just say that.

Suddenly you noticed your phone's screen light up from your lap. The other didnt seem to have noticed.

You took your phone and read the message.

„Are you okay?" -Arón.

You looked up and nodded at him.

But he didnt seem to buy it.

„If you want to talk im here."

You smiled at him and tried to focus on your dinner and the fact that your best friend was here and that her boyfriend was being nice to you. Instead of your own.

The one who kept complimenting Emma and didnt care about you at all. You werent there for him.

When the waitress brought your dinner you actually forgot about his terrible behavior for once. You started eating your delicious pasta and listened to the others talking.

At some point it was mostly Emma and your boyfriend having a nice conversation while Arón and you just sat there feeling super left out.

You could see how annoyed he was from his looks only.

He kept giving you these glances as you continued eating your pasta, sometimes he raised his eyebrow making you laugh slightly.

The others didnt notice how you two were communicating with your eyes.

You took a sip of your water and saw how Arón was grinning at you. You smiled back and then took your phone to distract yourself from his looks.

If you were completely honest, you hadnt gotten any affection in a while and just a cute guy looking at you made you feel better. Yes, he was taken. Yes, so were you. But he was attractive it was obvious.

Emma laughed at almost every of your boyfriend‘s jokes and you knew she didnt do this because he was funny, because he really wasnt.

Arón rolled his eyes at her and then gave you one more look.

And if you werent totally insane, picturing things, he scanned your upper body and bit his lip slightly.

You just ignored it but if you were being honest, it was kind of hot.

You then listened to Emma talk and subconsciously took another bite of your pasta and kept the spoon in your mouth. Without realizing you were licking on the spoon in your mouth and focused on her story.

You then did realize what was going on when a foot touched your own softly.

It had to be Arón. He was also giving you this horny ass look again.

Yes, he did kind of turn you on but you were both in a relationship. But your boyfriend was an asshole who didnt care about you anymore.

So you decided to play Aróns little game. You slipped out of your heel and slowly made your way up his leg. You didnt plan on going too far but you wanted to play with him a little bit.

He grinned at you and supported his head with his hand on the table while looking around.

He then coughed when your toes hit his knee.

Apparently this boy was sensitive.

You smiled to yourself and lowered your foot again.

Arón took a deep breath and grinned at you.

„Whats so funny?“ Emma suddenly spoke and looked between the both of you.

„Uhm.“ you started but Arón interrupted you.

„This guy over there embarrassed himself a little bit.“

They both looked around and then nodded.

„Anyway about this girl..“ Emma continued and your boyfriend only focused on her again.

Arón then excused himself to go outside to smoke and you decided to breathe some fresh air so you both walked outside.

„Jesus.“ he cursed and sat down on the stairs in front of the restaurant.

„Yeah right. They‘re so focused on themselves.“ you shook your head and sat down next to him.

He lit his cigarette and let the smoke emit into the air.

„I know... But now we can talk alone you know?“ he laughed and gave you a quick look.

„You want?“ he suddenly spoke and wanted to hand you his cigarette but you only shook your head.

„You know, thats good. I wish i could get away from it.“ he looked down to the ground and then back at you.

„Maybe you really have to start.“

He nodded and took a puff.

„Yeah i know.“

You smiled at him, then took the cigarette from his fingers and threw it to the ground to put it out.

„Hey!“ he laughed and stared down at the smushed piece of cigarette.

„You said you wanted to stop. You‘re gonna stop right now.“ you cockily said and ran your fingers through your hair.

Arón looked you deep in the eyes and then replied:“Alright, thank you. I dont know how I’d survive without you.“

You both started laughing.

„You‘re very welcome.“ you slightly bit your lip and looked up into the warm starry night.

„Maybe its good they‘re getting along so well. That way we can be alone.“

You didnt know what to say.

But you agreed internally.

„Yeah.“

He smiled and then placed his hand on your thigh.

It was covered by your dress so you didnt mind at all.

„Y/n, ever thought about how nice it is to fuck under the stars?“

You bursted into laughter and he smiled as well.

„No i havent.“

Arón grinned and eventually spoke up:“Too bad, id show you if your asshole boyfriend wasnt checking out my girlfriend all the time. But since she apparently feels the same, why dont we get out of here?“

You couldnt really reply to that.

„You know, maybe one day when all this shit is over.“

He nodded.

„One day hm? Promise?“ arón smiled softly.

You nodded at him and spoke:“Yeah one day.“

🌹🖤

part 2

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating John Bender

(Not my gifs)(Requested by anonymous)

(Some of these are sort of sad and mention abuse so warning to anyone who is uncomfortable with that subject matter)

- You met Bender in detention. When Vernon left all of you alone, he began to badger you about how you got there. Finally, you’d had enough and just told him the boring, slightly embarrassing truth: you were just late to class too many times.

- You shyly glanced over at him after you said it, only to find a small smirk on his face.

“Oh that’s adorable,” he said and you could feel your face turn hot. “No, that’s really cute. I mean it’s just so-”

“Alright Bender.” Andy interrupted. Bender glared and turned on the wrestler, something you were quite thankful for in the moment.

- Throughout the entire detention, he tried to get you to pay attention to him. He moved his seat next to yours, played with your hair, toyed around with how close you would let him get to you.

- For whatever reason you actually began liking him. Under all that dickhead behavior and dirty jokes he was actually entertaining …or maybe just hot.

- Later in the day, the two of you went through each other’s stuff. He told you about his girlfriends and you sort of lost your interest in him. And yet, he seemed to rope you back in every time he flipped his stupidly gorgeous hair. It was a ...confusing detention.

- After a few hours of flirtation, you finally agreed to one date. He didn’t really have a plan when the two of you met up but once you told him you’d never been to one, he took you to a demolition derby.

- You were surprised by how much fun you had with him. You were also surprised by how okay you were with; lightly, making out with him, pushed against a chain link fence after the show was over.

- As much as you enjoyed the time you spent with him, you couldn’t get it out of your head that he had other girlfriends. The idea of him going out after the two of you parted ways and fucking some other chick after kissing you, well, it made you sick. And so, you began to actively ignore and avoid him.

- He wasn’t a fan of your silent treatment. He’d tasted you, gotten so close to winning you over, and you’d pulled the rug out from under him for seemingly no reason at all. It riles him up, makes him think you’re completely insane and yet, he can’t just let you go and be the crazy bitch that you apparently are. He has to have you.

- Meanwhile, you trying to ignore how you feel about him just seems to make it worse. So now, the two of you can’t stop thinking about the kiss you shared and how much you actually want to be together.

- Finally, after a chunk of time spent trying to distance yourself as much as possible, the loudspeaker comes on during one of your classes.

“Good afternoon Shermer High School~ this is John Bender coming to tell all of you that there is little lady out there by the name of Y/n Y/l/n who is your favorite assholes girlfriend. From now on, anyone who so much as looks at her will get their teeth kicked in by yours truly. Have a nice day.” Beep.

- You immediately felt the urge to melt into the floor as the entire class turned to stare at you. Finally, you just got up and dashed out of the classroom, on the prowl for the jackass who didn’t know when to quit.

- He’s halfway across the school when you find him, lazily walking as though he’d done nothing wrong.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” You have to stop yourself from screaming the words.

“Has anyone ever told you that you look hot when you’re angry?” He asks, stopping a foot or so away from you.

“What are you trying to pull here Bender? Are you trying to make my life hell?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” he replies. “We go on a date, we kiss, we have a jolly good fucking time and then you ignore me. Now I’m sat here wondering what the fuck I did wrong, like I should even give a fuck about what you think of me.”

He stops for a moment before continuing. “Well for some reason, I do. And so I thought about it and I figured it was those girls that I was seeing. So I got rid of them. You want a steady little monogamous boyfriend? Fine. But that means you don’t touch other guys, you don’t even look at them. You’re mine now.”

- You take a minute to process what he said and try to cool off. The two of you stand there, looking at each other like you’re both waiting for the other to strike. Finally you open your mouth and give him a response.

“Fine. I’m yours. But I’m gone the minute you try to play me for a fool.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it baby.” He grins.

- Constant pda. He loves showing off that you’re his and getting that sweet, sweet physical contact.

- Messy kisses on the cheek from him. It’s usually when he’s being a sarcastic ass but you can’t help but love it anyway.

- He requires a lot of attention. If you don’t give it to him he’s bound to do something stupid to get it.

- He’s so surprised by your innocent affection. He doesn’t know how to react when you just brush his hair from his face or hug him. What are you trying to do? Why did you do that? ...Why does he like it so much?

-You’ll snuggle into his side while watching a movie and he’ll just stiffen up with his arms held away from himself trying to figure out what you’re doing. (Kind of like when a kid hugs the big tough guy of a film.) He gets better at it later in the relationship but it’s still a bit awkward at times. Just rest assured that he does; in fact, like it.

- His hands are almost always on either your waist, hips or ass. Depends on his mood and the situation. Contrary to popular belief, he isn’t a total asshole and respects that different places call for different grips.

- With that in mind, he’s a pretty sexual person. Hickeys, groping, smacking your butt; you name it and he’s doing it.

- Making out ...a lot. His tongue is basically roommates with yours at this point.

- Rough and passionate kisses. I mean, teeth clashing, lip biting, moan inducing kisses. If you didn’t like him as much as you do, his kisses would probably be enough to convince you to stay.

- Playing with his hair. You aren’t allowed to braid it so don’t even ask.

- So many sexual innuendos and jokes. He is; in general, a horny little bastard man, so expect him to be sexual with you.

- He is constantly smirking at and trying to get you flustered.

- He’s a cocky little shit but he makes it look attractive; most of the time.

- Most of his compliments consist of him calling you hot and other less than romantic names.

- Compliments fuel him so expect him to act tough and do tricks to try and impress you.

- Stupid dancing in the privacy of your own home or his. You’re usually blaring the radio or his mixtapes.

- When he’s at your house, he’s usually wearing much comfier clothing; things he would never actually wear to school like sweaters and sweatpants. He looks surprisingly ...cute in them.

- Sometimes, he can get genuinely sweet and thoughtful, even if he refuses to admit it.

- He carries you on his shoulder a lot, usually slapping your butt or holding you by it when he’s carrying you around. 

- He sneaks into your room through your window a lot; sometimes when he just wants to see you and sometimes when he just has to get away from home.

- Definitely has had your name tattooed on him at some point; probably even gives it to himself at home or something equally dangerous and slightly stupid.

- If it wasnt for that, you would probably feel like he doesn’t know your real name; what with the amount of pet names he gives you on a day to day basis.

- He shows you off all the time. He’s so proud that he managed to snag a girl like you and actually have you fall for him. He rubs it in everyone’s face that the ‘delinquent’ got such a hot girlfriend.

- He feels like such a badass with you under his arm while he smokes. The two of you will sit in the back of the school, his arm wrapped around you and you curled up into his side while he lights up a cigarette. 

- He probably steals gifts for you, even if you tell him not to. He’ll say he bought it but deep down you kind of know he just swiped it from a shop. It’s the thought that counts right? 

- Both of you wearing mismatched earrings with the other wearing the second of the two pairs.

- It’s a huge turn on when you wear his clothes. He can’t help but stop and stare wide eyed as you come out wearing his shirt or one of his jackets; especially if there little underneath.

- Wearing his jackets. They always have a very distinct Bender-like smell: faint hints of gasoline, cigarettes and cheap cologne or maybe even your own perfume.

- He would never really admit it, but whenever he’s at your house or messing around with your bag, he sprays himself or his car with a little of your perfume. It always comforts him in a way he can’t really explain. You’ve caught him maybe once or twice but you always think he’s just dicking around with your stuff while he’s bored.

- He gets clingy sometimes but a lot of the time, he’s just annoyingly nonchalant. It’s usually all an act, pretending like he doesn’t care means he doesn’t get hurt; at least not in the eyes of other people. Thats all that matters to him; that he stays being the delinquent who doesn’t give a shit about anything. 

“ Yeah sure, whatever. Do what you want. I don’t care.” Newsflash: he cares a lot.

- You know him a lot better than he thinks you do so a lot of his actions don’t bother you any more. You know the reason behind them so you can understand why he does what he does and try to work around or through them. 

- His parents are probably never home but when they are, he never takes you to his house. He doesn’t really think that they’d try something with you there but he wants to make sure there’s never even a chance that something could happen. The truth is, he’s sort of embarrassed that he “let’s” his father beat on him.

-You definitely try to persuade him to tell somebody about his home life, but he doesn’t think anyone would believe him (like everyone else) and makes you drop the subject pretty early in the conversation.

- Occasionally, you’ll go hang out with him in detention but you’ve also managed to keep him out of most of the trouble he tries to get himself into. Sure, you let him have his fun, but he isn’t in detention everyday now; you would never see him if you let him do all the shit he wanted to.

- You’ve also gotten him to stop fucking around with random people; for the most part. You explain to him that it really isn’t fun or funny to watch him bully and ridicule people who don’t or can’t fight back.

- He’s sorta insecure. He often wonders why you would want to date him of all people, especially if you come from a good family. He thinks of himself as the dirtbag of the school so it really just doesn’t make sense that someone like you (Someone who he thinks could quite possibly be perfect) would want him.

- Your parents hate him of course; mostly because of his reputation and the fact that they’ve seen him kiss the everloving shit out of you in front of the school.

- You make sure he knows that you’ll always be there. He’ll brush it off but he likes that you actually give a shit about him. Your words will stick with him and he’ll find himself thinking about them late at night, feeling comforted at the idea.

- You patch him up after his father hurts him, both physically and emotionally. If he needs you to clean him up, you’ll do it. If he just needs to sit with you in silence for a while; you’ll do that too. Whatever will make him feel alright.

- He has trouble being completely open with you and sharing his feelings. He’s very closed off, having built up a wall over the years. You let him take it down when he thinks he’s ready to; you don’t want to try to break it down and end up chasing him away. You know that deep down, he’s really just scared of letting people in and getting hurt more than he already has been.

- It takes a while for him to fully trust you but when he does, it’s worth the time you spent trying to get him to.

- He’s a pretty jealous and possessive guy. He doesn’t have much but he has you and that means a lot to him so anyone who tries to take you away from him is in for an ass kicking. Plus, it’s just common knowledge that you don’t try to mess with Bender.

- He’s seen firsthand how terrible people can be so he’s sort of intent on making sure you aren’t treated the same way he is. His parents may not hold the same sentiment but he would never let someone hurt the person he loves.

- Fights are usually loud and filled with curse words and name calling. He definitely storms off, either in the middle of it or towards the end when things aren’t exactly over but slightly calmed down from the full blown war you were having.

- To him, he can ignore you but the instant you do the same, he’s pissed off. Before you decide to ignore him, you’ll probably try and get him to talk to you but he’ll just give you the silent treatment. That’s when you finally give up and do the same, instantly turning the tables.

- No ones ever really put him in his place like that. They lash out, yell at him, maybe even hit him; but they never give him a taste of his own medicine. After a while of you ignoring him, he starts to do everything in his power to make you talk to him, even if he’s still pissed. He hates it, seeing you play his game; maybe even playing it better than him.

- He doesn’t necessarily apologize, he just; usually willingly, forgets which one of you actually started it and what you were fighting about in the first place. Or, if he does remember what you were fighting about, he sort of resolves it, explaining why there’s no reason for either of you to be upset with each other/why you don’t have to be angry with him.

- He doesn’t say he loves you but you know he does from the way he acts. He never treats anyone quite like he treats you and you can tell there’s something different in his gaze whenever he looks at or talks about you.

- He thinks you’ll leave him at some point so he always tries to make the most of your time together. You always reassure him that he’s not getting rid of you that easily which brings a little smile to his face. 

“Even if you did leave me, you’d never get over me. I’d spare you the pain and take you back, you know? I’m not cruel.”

“Gee thanks babe.”

“No problem, sweetheart.”

- He may be an annoying asshole at times, but you love him and will stand by him through thick and thin, and him you.

[thetravelerwrites]

Setting the Record Straight

Rating: General Audiences Fandom: 魔法使いの嫁 | Mahou Tsukai no Yome | The Ancient Magus Bride Characters: Elias Ainsworth, Hatori Chise, Ruth, Silkie, Alice Words:3985

Chise gets annoyed by people asking if she's afraid of Elias and explains exactly why she's not. Please Leave feedback.

A sharp knock at the door interrupted their afternoon tea. Elias turned his head, but Chise shot up and was at the door before he could speak.

"Alice!" He heard Chise say in surprise. "Hi, what brings you by?"

Elias stood, allowing Silver to collect their dishes, and followed Chise out into the hall. Ruth padded after him.

"Hey there," Alice said cheerfully, standing on the porch of the Ainsworth residence. She held up a gift bag. "I heard it was your birthday not too long ago. I stopped by to give you this."

Chise stepped back to give her room to enter. "Oh,” She said softly. "You didn't have to buy me a gift."

Alice laughed as she stepped inside. "Don't worry, I didn't buy it. It's a hand-me-down. I got a new one, so I thought you like to have this one. It still works great, I just don't need two." She looked up at Elias and chuckled. "That is, if your jailer here is allowing contraband."

"Die," Elias said gruffly.

Alice stepped past him, flipping her hair, and made for the sitting room without invitation. Chise looked at Elias questioningly.

"It's fine," Elias said. "I'll be in the study."

She smiled and nodded, following Alice with Ruth on her heels. The door closed behind them with a snap.

Sighing, he made for the study but stopped when he realized he'd left the book he was reading on the kitchen table and doubled back for it.

He could hear the voices of the two young women muffled through the door and decided not to intrude, but hearing his own name made him stop and lean against the wall, listening. He had a vague sense that perhaps this was a private conversation, but curiosity got the better of him.

"I doubt the bonehead would give you one of these," Alice said haughtily.

"I don't think Elias even knows what it is," Chise said, laughing softly. "He's not too familiar with modern technology; at least, not that I've seen. He doesn't even own a radio or a landline phone."

"I don't know what kind of music you like, but I have pretty eclectic tastes, so I put a mix of everything on there. If there's anything you like particularly, I can replace the songs you don't like with more of the kind you do."

"Thanks, Alice, this is really nice," Chise replied.

"So what did Elias get you for your birthday?"

"He saved my life. That's gift enough for me."

"You mean from the freak?"

"Cartaphilus isn't a freak, Alice. He was just in a lot of pain. Pain can make people do terrible things."

There was a silence, during which time Elias remembered a few terrible things he'd done while he had been in pain. He hadn't recognized it as pain at the time because it wasn't physical; it was inside his chest and stomach and gnawed at him as though trying to eat it's way out of his body.

It wasn't until after he recovered Chise and had a long talk with her that he realized the pain he felt in her absence was emotional. He was experiencing loss, grief, and guilt: three emotions with which he had been previously unfamiliar because he'd never felt them before. He was hoping now that he knew what they were, he'd be able to react better in the future should such feelings arise again, though he dearly hoped that they never would.

He had heard such feelings could cause a person to die. Before, he didn’t believe such a thing could be possible, but now he was absolutely certain it was true. If Chise left again never to return, if she were to die, could he survive that? He wasn’t sure. And even if he did survive, he would never be the same. One day of rejection was enough to destroy what humanity he possessed and reverted him back to a mindless monster, lost and devastated. If she were gone forever? If he never saw her face or heard her voice again? He feared what he might become.

Chise’s soft laughter brought him back to his senses. It was sometimes difficult to catch the undercurrent of a conversation if he couldn't see the faces of those speaking, so he melted into the wall and shimmied under the door to find a shadow within the sitting room to hide in. He caught Silver's disapproving stare as he slipped under, but ignored it.

Alice was sitting in the chair closest to the door and Chise was on the couch with Ruth's head in her lap. There was a small, white, rectangular device with a accompanying cords sitting on the coffee table. This must have been Alice's gift. Chise was right: he had no idea what that was.

"I still can't get over seeing Ainsworth turn into that huge... thing," Alice began again.

Chise didn't respond, and Elias wondered what she was thinking. Her face was impassive.

"I mean, I'd never admit this to anyone but you, but that guy scares me when he goes all beast-mode. Weren't you scared?"

"Yes, I was," Chise said, and Elias felt deep sinking in his gut. Chise always swore he didn't frighten her, but deep down he always felt that he must. How could he not? Could she have been lying? Why? To spare his feelings? She was kind enough to do so, but the thought that he truly did frighten her made him feel... he didn't know. Disappointed? No, that wasn't strong enough. Disheartened? Disconcerted? Some sort of word with the letter D in it.

"I wasn't scared of Elias, though," Chise clarified a second later, and the heaviness Elias felt evaporated. He took a breath, not realizing he hadn't been breathing.

"I was scared of the situation. I was afraid to lose Elias or Ruth, or Stella, or you. I was afraid Cartaphilus or Ashen Eye would kill one of you. I was afraid I would fail and I wouldn't be able to fix the damage I had caused. There was a lot fear and anxiety bouncing around in my head, but none of it was because of Elias."

She paused, and a shadow passed across her face, barely discernible, gone in an instant. Elias couldn’t say what it meant, but it caused an unpleasant prickling sensation in him.

She took a breath and smiled. "I know who and what Elias is. I know he can take on may forms. None of them scare me. It never has."

"Really?" Alice asked in disbelief. "You're not scared of him? Not at all?"

Suddenly, Chise's voice rose in exasperation. "Why is that so hard to believe?" She asked, throwing up her hands. "Do you know how tired I am of people asking me that, especially him?"

There was a stunned silence. Alice had backed away a little. Ruth even seemed surprised.

Chise sighed and held up her hands placatingly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. Look, let me tell you a story, alright?"

"Okay," Alice said slowly.

Chise closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "When I was eight, I was sent to an orphanage for girls in a small town outside of Okayama. By that age, I was used to doing things by myself, so I just got on with it. No one took enough notice of me to tell me what to do, so there was no need to ask permission, I just did what I needed to do. It was enough to go on with, and I survived it fairly well.” Her eyes went flat with introspection. “I think that’s why I’m so bad at letting people help me. I’m so used to being on my own and doing for myself that it just doesn’t occur to me to ask for help most of the time. I’m still getting used to that.”

“I totally get that,” Alice said. “My parents were blitzed out of the minds most of the time, so I was pretty much a street kid. I did whatever I wanted, as long as wasn’t hassled too much. A kid alone on the street is pretty much a target for every lowlife looking to take advantage. I learned to use a knife to my advantage pretty early on.”

Chise listened sympathetically in silence and waited as if expecting Alice to expand upon her story. Instead, Alice motioned for Chise to continue.

"On my first day of school in the new town, I left the orphanage and walked to school alone. To get there, you had to pass the town center. There was a big ornamental fountain right in the middle, and sitting on it was a huge red creature the size of a double-decker bus. No one else could see it; they passed it by like it wasn’t a giant nightmare looming over all of their heads. Oblivious.

“The… thing, whatever it was, was made up of nothing but tentacles, teeth, and eyeballs. Now, I was used to seeing weird things all the time and I'd gotten used to living in a constant state of anxiousness, but this was the biggest, creepiest thing I'd ever seen. It terrified me more than anything else had up to that point. I still have nightmares about it.

“I tried to ignore it, but somehow it realized I could see it and it began to follow me. It followed me to school and sat outside my classroom window, making obscene faces at me. It followed me back to the home and sat outside my bedroom window, licking the glass. It followed me for three months."

"Jesus," Alice said in an undertone.

Chise's face was dark and pained. "It constantly told me it was going to steal me away and drink my blood. It told me all the terrible things it wanted to do to me. It delighted in seeing how scared I was. It told me that as soon as I let my guard down, it would get me, and then it would lash out at me. It’s tentacles were apparently covered in barbs, because it left cuts and scratches all over me. I stopped sleeping. I stole a knife and hid it under my pillow. I kept arriving at school and back home covering in cuts and bruises. People thought I was insane and hurting myself. They didn't believe that there was this awful thing hunting me and hurting me. No one listened.

"One night, I was so tired that I couldn't stop myself and I fell asleep. I woke up because I felt a pain in my leg and when I opened my eyes, I realized that thing had managed to get the window open and was dragging me outside by my ankle. My leg was cut wide open and bleeding everywhere. I used the knife to cut at it and it let go and disappeared. The caretakers saw me with a knife in my hand and a huge gash in my leg and assumed I had done it to myself. It was the first and only time I ever threw a real screaming fit. I cried and yelled and shouted and told the caretakers that it would kill me. I told them that if they didn’t send me far away, I would run away myself. They thought I had lost mind.”

"Did they move you, though?" Alice asked.

"Oh, yes," Chise replied flatly. "To a mental asylum. The doctors there diagnosed me with paranoid depressive schizo-affective disorder with a tendency toward self harm. They deemed me a danger to myself and others and I was kept in a locked room by myself for six months."

"Holy shit," Alice breathed. Elias was equally shocked.

"Yeah." Chise was silent for a moment. "It wasn't as bad as you might think, though. The asylum had iron bars on the window, which I didn't know at the time was keeping the bad things out. It was the first time in my life I didn't see things that other people couldn't. Being alone for once was kind of nice. There was no one telling me how delicious I was. There were no creatures trying to scare me. It was quiet, but it was a peaceful quiet. I thought maybe I was actually crazy and that being at the asylum was making me better. But then they released me, and all the bad things came back. The medicine they gave me didn't help. If anything, it made me feel more crazy.

"But you know what the worst part of that story is?" Chise asked Alice, who shook her head. "That tentacle creature was not unique. It stands out in my head because it stalked me for so long, but there have been many monsters like it trying to hurt me my whole life. Some of them succeeded, and some of them weren't even fae. Humans can be just as monstrous as the monsters."

Her eyes were dark, and Alice nodded knowingly. Elias felt disquieted. Chise often talked about her past experiences with fae creatures but was far less open about her experiences with other humans. Elias hadn't thought much about it before, but now he wondered just how much she had suffered at the hands of her own people.

"When I first saw Elias, was I surprised? Yes, of course," Chise admitted. "But I wasn't scared. Compared to that red monstrosity that terrorized me outside of Okayama, Elias was practically cuddly."

Alice snorted at the description. "Cuddly isn't the word I would use to describe Ainsworth."

"You don't know him," Chise blurted out, then bit her lip. Alice smirked at her and narrowed her eyes.

"You have weird taste," Alice said.

"Hey," Ruth retorted, lifting his head off of the couch next to Chise. She patted him down.

"No, she's right," Chise said with a laugh. "But weird isn't the same as wrong."

"I suppose that's true," Alice admitted. She stood up and stretched.

"Leaving already?" Chise asked, a little disappointed.

"Yeah, sorry," Alice said. "Renfred and I are running a new test at the college tomorrow and I gotta be up early. I just wanted to make sure you got your gift. Maybe someday soon I can take you out to lunch, though."

Chise smiled in return. "That sounds nice."

Elias used the distraction of Alice's departure to quickly jump through the shadows to his study. He rematerialized and sat at his desk, attempting to look busy and preoccupied.

He heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called.

Chise opened the door and Ruth followed her inside.

Elias attempted to be nonchalant. "How was your visit with Renfred's apprentice?"

"She has a name, Elias," Chise said, her hand on her hips. She wore a frown. "You know, it's rude to eavesdrop on other people's conversations."

Elias sucked in a breath. So she had known he was there. She was becoming very perceptive to him, not always to his benefit.

"My apologies," he said. No point in denying it. "I was curious." He tried changing the subject. "What gift did she give you?"

"Oh." Chise held up the white rectangle. "It's an MP3 player."

"A what?" He asked, baffled.

"A music player," she clarified. The white cord attached to the rectangle branched into two separate cords, at the ends of which sat little round objects. "You select a song you'd like to hear," she said, demonstrating. He saw a small screen flip through song titles. "And then the music plays through the earphones." She held one up for him, but then faltered. "Uhh..."

"Yes?"

"Do you have ears?"

That was an interesting question. Did he? "I am obviously capable of perceiving sound, though I am not sure from where."

She frowned again. "Bend down."

He obliged her, and she held out her fingers next to where he assumed he might have ears were he human, and snapped them. "Is that louder than normal?"

"No, but I think you're on to something. Try again."

After some trial and error, they determined he best perceived sound just behind and slightly above the bone that made up his lower mandible. There was a shadowy hollow there than may have actually been an ear canal. She held an ear bud there and pressed play.

Elias listened for a moment and said, "Ah, I see."

Chise smiled and put the other bud in her ear, and they listened to the song together.

"What a pleasant tune," Elias said as the song ended. "This was a thoughtful gift."

"Yes," Chise agreed. "I like it very much.”

Elias straightened as Chise put the music device in her pocket. Chise turned to leave Elias to his work when he stopped her.

“Chise,” He began slowly. “Is what you told Alice true? About my monstrous forms never frightening you?”

Chise sighed in frustration. “Again? How many times do I have to say it before you believe me?”

“At one point, you seemed to hesitate. Why?”

Chise was silent, and Elias thought she might deny it. She looked down at the floor. Ruth nudged her hand and gave her a pointed look. She sighed again.

“Look, I want to be as honest with you as I can be,” She began. “The truth is, your forms don’t scare me. The fact that you used to eat humans doesn’t scare me. The fact that you’re bigger and stronger and more powerful than me doesn’t scare me. The fact that if you wanted to, you could devour me in three bites has never bothered me at all.”

“But?”

She paused and sucked in a long, shaky breath. “But you did scare me once. You scare me when you do things you think are rational, when you act in a way that puts others at risk because you want to help me.”

“You’re referring to what happened with Stella,” Elias said.

“Yes,” Chise said, still avoiding his eye. “You really scared me then, Elias.”

“I know,” He replied mournfully. “And I am truly sorry. I did not understand then what I stood to lose. I understand now.” He grew thoughtful and said, “When you confronted me, you said you thought I was different. You cried. I didn’t understand what you meant.”

Chise did look at him then. “The fae treat humans like they’re disposable. Like tools to be used until they’re no longer valuable and then tossed away. I had thought, because you were part human, that you would value human life more than other fae did. I was… disappointed to learn that I was wrong.”

Now it was Elias who failed to meet Chise’s eye. He hung his head, feeling guilty. There was another feeling there, one he couldn’t put a name to.

“You don’t have to love every human out there, Elias. You don’t even have to like any of them. But people are not expendable. You can’t use them with no regard to how it will effect them or the people in their lives. My life is not worth more than Stella’s, or any other human being, just because you care more about me and less about them.”

Elias was unsure he understood this. Chise was infinitely more important to him than any other human. He would gladly sacrifice every life on Earth if it meant saving hers, fae and human alike. Was that wrong? He didn’t understand how.

“What if you had succeeded?” Chise continued. “What if you had transferred the curse to Stella and she died in my place? Can you imagine how her family would feel if she never came home?”

“I’m afraid I cannot,” He replied.

“Don’t you remember how you felt when I left you and you didn’t know if I’d come back?”

“Yes, I felt…” Elias thought for a moment. The pain he felt when she left surfaced again and he struggle to put it into words. Cold was inadequate. So was lonely. It took him several minutes of reflection before he finally decided on a word that felt appropriate.

“Broken.”

Chise’s eyes widened and her lips parted. Whatever she was expecting him to say, it wasn’t that. After a moment, though, she got back on track.

“Don’t you think that’s how her family would have felt? Losing a child is devastating for most parents. If you had gone through with it, you wouldn’t only have killed her, but you would have broken her entire family as well. Some people can’t live with that kind of loss. My mother couldn’t. I barely could. Don’t you realize that?”

He hadn’t. Elias had not even taken Stella’s family into consideration in his single-minded fervor to complete the ritual. His jaws opened in surprise as sudden understanding filled his mind.

“I see,” He said in a wondering tone. “I see.”

“Do you?” She asked him. She took his face in her hands and made him look her in the eye. “Do you really see?”

“Yes, I believe I do. Loss is a terrible thing to endure. It is not a feeling I would wish upon another.” He huffed unhappily. “Is this what it is to empathize?”

Chise nodded.

“This lesson in human behavior was certainly hard-learned.” He replied.

“Yes,” She agreed. “It’s one I wish I had taught you sooner.”

Elias sighed. “I am trying, Chise,” He said plaintively. “I’m trying to learn, even though it is difficult for me to grasp at times.”

“I know you are, Elias. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. If I thought you couldn’t learn, I’d never be able to stay with you.”

“I know.” He leaned his long skull against her forehead. “Believe me, I never wish to lose you again. I need you to help me understand so that I can do better. If you are willing to be patient with me, I shall endeavor to try harder.”

She sighed and smiled, planting a soft peck on the ridge above his nose. “That’s all I can ask for.”

“Chise,” He said, pulling back to look at her better. “I feel an emotion that I cannot identify. I’ve felt it since that day when you discovered my plan and ran from me, when you cried and struck me. Can you help me understand?”

“Yes,” She replied earnestly. “What does it feel like?”

“Guilt, but stronger. A cold knot in my stomach that makes me anxious and sets my nerves on edge. But at the same time, it makes me sad. Do you know what it might be?”

She considered him, hanging his head like a berated dog and not looking at her.

“I’m not completely sure, but I think it might be… shame.”

Elias straightened and looked down at her, processing the information. “Yes. I believe you’re correct,” He said quietly. “I am ashamed.”

“That’s good,” Chise said encouragingly.

“It is?”

“Yes. It means you truly understand your mistake and are capable of learning from it. That’s a good step going forward.”

“How do I make this awful feeling go away?” He asked a little desperately. “It is most distressing.”

“Maybe you could do something nice for Stella,” She offered. “Invite her for tea, or even go with me the next time I visit her family.”

Elias nodded. “Both are fine ideas. I will do that.”

“Good,” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. He draped his arms over her shoulders in return, nuzzling her head with his snout, careful not to snag his teeth on her skin.

From the circle of his arms, she looked up at him with her wide, lovely eyes. “Would you like to listen to some music with me?”

“Nothing would please me more,” Elias responded. “After, I’d like to hear more about your childhood, if that’s all right.”

“Sure,” She said, taking his hand and leading him back to the sitting room.

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Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[johnnymundano]

Possession (1981)

Directed by Andrzej Żuławski

Written by Frederic Tuten, Andrzej Żuławski

Music by Andrzej Korzyński

Country: France, West Germany

Language: English

Running Time: 124 minutes

CAST

Isabelle Adjani as Anna/Helen

Sam Neill as Mark

Margit Carstensen as Margit Gluckmeister

Heinz Bennent as Heinrich

Johanna Hofer as Heinrich's mother

Carl Duering as Detective

Shaun Lawton as Zimmermann

Michael Hogben as Bob

Maximilian Rüthlein as Man with pink socks

Thomas Frey as Pink socks' acolyte

Leslie Malton as Sara, woman with club foot

Gerd Neubert as Subway drunk

It’s just a hunch but I reckon Andrzej Żuławski was having a tough time on the marital front when he made this deliriously nuts arthouse splatter classic. Just a hunch, mind. Certainly Anna (Adjani) and Mark (Neill) are putting each other through the relationship wringer. Mark returns home to ‘80s Berlin after a long absence doing some shadily vague spycraft, only to find Anna’s been finding solace elsewhere. Like many couples in movies Mark and Anna shriek and bellow at each other while a child (Michael Hogben) looks tearily on, but the sense that the stakes are raised higher than Kramer vs Kramer (1979) is cemented when they meet in a café and Mark starts smashing things like smashing things is going out of fashion. It’s all very entertaining stuff, full of “deep” conversations delivered in a stagey way, but the bits where Mark loses his shit are best. Which is good, because during Possession Mark loses his shit a lot; he might even have surreptitiously stocked up on shit beforehand so much shit does he lose. Anna looks like a much better bet for any sense, but it turns out that she too is losing her shit, and her shit losing will reach truly operatic proportions before the credits roll and the viewer is left wondering just what the holy hell they just watched.

Things would be bad if Anna was just messing about with her ballet tutor, Heinrich (a thrillingly unhinged performance by Heinz Bennent, which doesn’t so much challenge the viewer but rather the entire concept of performance itself, and possibly singlehandedly redefines cinematic camp for the next hundred years). Unfortunately it’s even worse, she’s messing about on Heinrich as well with…well, uh, spoiler? There’s a reason the credits include Carlo Rambaldi, the renowned creature creator. I’ve never really been a Rambaldi fan, preferring instead Rick Baker, Screaming Mad George or even Rob Bottin, but Andrzej Żuławski keeps Rambaldi’s work off screen or splashed with gore, so any deficiencies are lost in the very effective shock the visual carries. 

Possession’s greatest special effect is the city of Berlin itself; it is set in Berlin when the Wall was up, see. It seems like some kind of early John Carpenter riff now in 2018, but, yes, the city of Berlin was in fact, post WW2, separated East and West, by a big wall with barbed wire, machine guns and sallow men in warm hats peering through binoculars. A divided city, a divided couple, yeah, all that stuff is in Possession. As is doubling, every clever director’s device of choice. And of course the title has more than one meaning. Sure, you could get all chalk and elbow patches about Possession but that’s on your own time. It’s the crazy shit I warm to and…hoo boy! Because as everything around him becomes ever more unhinged, some semblance of sanity finally possesses (ho!) Mark and he sets a detective on Anna’s trail, and when that works out badly he sets Heinrich on the case. Things look like they are trundling to a possibly merely slightly nuts conclusion when Żuławski goes “Ha!” and sets course for the heart of insanity with a final act that becomes apocalyptically demented and then carries right on through.

Possession’s an overwrought wail of a movie but it’s not lacking in discipline, don’t think that for one hot second. The tell is how the characters’ apparent lack of control in front of the camera is balanced by the total control behind it. Characters stomp around, spin on a pin and hurriedly flail off again, in rooms, down stairs, out of doors up and down, in and out, round and round but the camera stays right with them, it never misses a single step. No mean feat in the ‘80s when cameras were as big as suitcases. Żuławski’s hysteria is (ta-da!) rehearsed hysteria but the seeming spontaneity is uncannily convincing. The director’s control clearly extends to the performances; given everyone is so simpatico in their oddness Żuławski’s plainly had a word in every actor’s shell-like. Everyone is good, but Neill, Adjani and Bennent are volcanoes of thespian awesomeness. 

Adjani in particular is a revelation. She definitely has the hardest (because it is the most ambiguous) part, but she tears into it like a dog with a bag of hot chips. Actresses are eternally undervalued, largely because their roles are frequently underwritten, but here Adjani gets a chance to thesp until something snaps and she grabs it with both clawed hands. The bit where she has a breakdown (miscarriage?) in a pedestrian tunnel and ends up slouched in her own secretions of (apparently) milk, blood and fairy liquid is the kind of frenzied brilliance you’ll die happy you witnessed. Andrzej Korzyński’s earworm of a soundtrack certainly doesn’t hurt either. For a movie so apparently overheated and unrestrained  Possession turns out to be a thing of artistic precision and icy control.

Back in 1981 Possession was an unremittingly bleak spew in the face of optimism and yet…in 2018 the wall has gone, Berlin is united, Germany has healed and is doing just fine; so hope has snuck in retroactively. “This too shall pass” turns out to be the secret message of hope at the heart of Possession. A message secret even from the movie itself; a message equally applicable to divided cities and divided marriages; a message the movie wasn’t built to carry but then history always does the heavy lifting. I first saw this movie reviewed in “Starburst” (a British genre movie magazine, 1977 to present) in its year of release and made a pre-pubescent mental note to keep an eye out for it. Nearly four decades later I can rip that mental post-it note up. Possession was worth the wait.

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"