#like it was never 'unite the lands of albion and return magic to the lands'.

[chaos-has-theories]

The thing about "two sides of the same coin" is - you can only ever see one side.

Look: the coin is in the air. Flip, flip, flip. One face, then the other. One side up, twinkling in the light; one side down, obscured in shadow.

But at least the coin is still spinning.

At least they're still both there, almost meeting, two parts of a whole - flip, flip, flip.

But the coin was always going to land eventually.

[onceandfuturelesbian]

COOL MERLIN FIC PROMPT THAT I NEED TO READ RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

okok so merlin’s arthur’s servant blah blah blah and his magic is revealed to arthur and arthur banishes him cause uther would kill him

when arthur becomes king, he sends search parties to find his servant friend love and bring him back home but they never find him

when merlin was banished, he wandered aimlessly until he came across the perilous lands. he decides to settle there to test the limits of his power and finds none. he heals the land, the flora blossoming beneath his touch and fauna returning to the once poisoned land. he revitalizes the castle to call his new home. builds the city back up so it doesn’t feel so empty. the wyverns come to accept him because he made the kingdom feel like home.

once the perilous lands, the kingdom of elmet is now known as a safe haven for magic users and king emrys, the greatest protector of magic and life.

arthur, heartbroken all over again because he can’t find merlin, begins to form alliances with kingdoms that previously wouldn’t consider camelot an ally. kingdoms where magic thrived. arthur had lifted the ban on magic the same day as his coronation, proving he was serious about peace for all. the first kingdom he contacts is elmet.

i think mordred probably lives in the castle with merlin, maybe morgana fled there too when she started realizing she had magic. arthur and morgana are united as brother and sister for the first time, uther had revealed on his death-bed. obviously merthur reunion and merthur endgame cause DUH!!! probably also morgwen or maybe morgwencelot (morgana was gone for a long time and lance was there for gwen)

they unite their two kingdoms, then the rest of albion, under the rule of the two high kings

ok this was longer than i intended but i would love love love to read this please i’m begging

[rainbowsmagicandshit]

Fanfic prompt/idea:

Mordred is Emrys (not really tho)

(Super long. TL;DR at bottom)

Someway, somehow, Arthur and his knights (Leon, Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, mordred) + Merlin meet someone while they’re away from the citadel who tells them about Emrys. Might be someone trying to kill them and boasting about the all mighty Emrys or might be a friendly, peaceful magical person who stopped for a chat or something else, choice is yours. Anyway, that night as they eat dinner around the campfire, they start talking about this Emrys. At first they’re like “that’s kooky” and laughing but then Percival speaks up quietly and a bit nervously. He says that while he’s sought sanctuary for the night or a few days in Druid camps before he became a knight, he’s heard about Emrys. Now, everyone is actually interested instead of just laughing it off.

Arthur: tell me more.

Percy: well.. the druids highly respect this man almost as if he’s a deity. I don’t know too much, and it’s been a while. I do remember that everyone knew about him no matter which Druid camp it was, even the children. It seems they tell a lot of stories about him to their young’uns.

Arthur: anything else?

Percy: sorry, sire, that’s all I remember. But if you really want to know more you could try to ask the druids.

They all became quiet and continued to eat, Merlin and Mordred relieved this conversation is over. …Until,

Arthur, remembering Mordred is a Druid: Mordred, you’re a Druid. Do anything about this?

Mordred and Merlin: *sweating bullets just wanting this dangerous topic over with* *glances at each other nervously*

Gwaine: WHA? Mordred, you’re a Druid?! You’ve been hold holdin’ out on us, mate!

Arthur realizes that Mordred’s heritage had not, in fact been a known thing, but they’ve made peace with the druids, it’ll be fine.

Mordred, nervously: oh, um, yes, I am…

The knight all take a few moments to be like “wow… never would’ve guessed” and “aren’t druids normally peaceful people? How you become a knight?”

Arthur, wanting to get things back on track: so, Mordred, do you know anything?

Mordred, nervousness increasing, knowing Merlin doesn’t want Arthur to know who he is, but not wanting to lie to his king, eyes darting between the two and all over the camp: uh…um… I… uh, I..I… I guess, yes. *Merlin’s glare intensifies*

Arthur, not noticing Merlin’s death glare at Mordred: tell me more.

Mordred, trying to figure out what to say to satisfy his king’s curiosity but not incur Emrys’ wrath (Emrys already hates him enough for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it worse): well… um, there’s… well there’s Emrys… and there’s this prophecy involving him. Most druids know of it; it’s centuries old.

Percival: oh, that’s right… Something about a magical king, right?

Mordred: the Once And Future King.

Gwaine: hold on a minute.. that sounds familiar… Ah! That’s right! I heard about it from a storyteller at a tavern once. I thought it was an odd name so it stuck. It’s a love story, right?

Mordred, nervously glancing between Merlin and Arthur (Merlin now looking at Gwaine with exasperation): um… I don’t know if that’s what it is.. but there definitely is a deep bond between Emrys and the Once And Future King.

Arthur: continue.

Mordred, trying to stay focused on Arthur instead of the once again glaring warlock beside him: so the prophecy says that the Once And Future King will unite the land of Albion, return magic to the land, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity for all. And Emrys is foretold to help him. * internally: please let be enough to satisfy him🥺😣😖*

Elyan: so the stories are about this king and Emrys is just there to help?

Mordred, sweating: um…

Gwaine: if that’s the case shouldn’t you druids be worshiping the king instead?

Sounds of agreement around the fire.

Leon to Mordred: is there more to us than that?

Mordred, under curious and intense gazes again: uh, yes… Emrys is a very powerful, immoral warlock said to—

“IMMORTAL??!!!” Merlin squawked, surprised.

Mordred, very nervous, whispers: ….um…yes………. *telepathically: did you not know?*

Merlin, telepathically: I am not immoral.

Mordred, telepathically: it’s what the prophecies say

Merlin, telepathically: they’re wrong

Mordred, telepathically: …um,, there’s a lot who say you are.

Merlin, telepathically: No. I’m NOT. I can’t be immortal. That’s ridiculous.

Mordred, telepathically: they say you are. That’s why the call you Emrys.

Merlin and Mordred continue to glare and the knights and Arthur look on wondering when those two got close enough to communicate only looks and without talking. Arthur is not jealous. Not. At. All. That would be ridiculous.(Yes he is, he’s the only one who’s supposed to communicate with Merlin silently. How dare Mordred)

Suddenly Merlin stands up: I’m going to wash the dishes *aggressively goes around the camp and grabs everyone’s dishes, then stomps into the woods to a nearby stream*

Arthur: you were saying Mordred?

Mordred: oh, right! Yes, so Emrys is said to be the most powerful warlock to ever live. He and the Once And Future King are said to be equals and without him the Golden Age can’t happen. While the Once And Future King is the king, Emrys is said to be his advisor and teacher of sorts. He also protects the Once And Future King and supports him any way he can.

The knights and king look thoughtful taking in this information. They ask Mordred more questions, just little stuff and clarifications, and Mordred, relaxing that he’s getting through this without blowing Emrys’ identity let it slip that “the time of the prophecy is upon us” and that Arthur is said to be the Once And Future King. Whoops.

Everyone around the campfire is now totally interested in this and wanting to know if it’s true and Mordred’s like “um… yeah, that’s what everyone is saying…” and REALLY wanting this conversation to be over with before he slips up about Merlin. He’s also really glad Merlin is still washing their dishes far enough away that he can’t hear the conversation.

Of course, just as Gwaine asks “if Arthur’s this Once And Future King, the where’s this Emrys guy?” Merlin returns in time to hear it.

Merlin, glaring at Mordred: what?

Mordred, telepathically: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! 🥺

The group fills Merlin in on what he missed while Mordred continues to apologize endlessly. The knights then go back to asking Mordred about Emrys and he tries to navigate the questions without giving anything away while also dealing with a furious Merlin in his head telling him to “FIX THIS NOW!! And don’t you tell Arthur who I am!!” The poor boy!

Mordred continues to navigate the conversation mostly emphasizing how loyal Emrys is and how he and the Once And Future King are said to have a strong bond and there’s nothing to worry about when they start to question if Emrys is a threat. Eventually someone (probably Gwaine) brings up that Emrys doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job of protecting Arthur considering how other he’s encountered by magical thing. And Mordred, who knows how busy Merlin is and how hard he’s been working to protect Arthur (and that’s just since he’s become a knight! He knows there’s so much more he doesn’t know and is in even more awe of Emrys for handling it all) sees Merlin look over at Gwaine like he’s actually concerning strangling the man, says, “he’s very busy! And, he’s just one man! He’s really trying his best!!”

Mordred doesn’t realize what he said wrong and why everyone is quietly looking at him like that until Arthur asks, “You know him?”

Mordred, who just realized that he did kinda just admit to knowing a very powerful, immoral warlock to a king and his knights that are of a kingdom where magic is punishable by death: ……………uh

Arthur, realizing why Mordred looks so terrified: Mordred I understand you are a Druid and have grown up on stories of this man. I will not punish you for knowing him. I’m sure you’ve met many sorcerers.

Mordred, letting out a big breath of relief: thank you, sire. And yes, I have met him.

Arthur, nodding: I see. And he is in Camelot?

Mordred: yes, sire. He’s been working very hard to keep you and Camelot safe.

Arthur, looking at his other knights: I’ve never heard of anyone in the kingdom by that name, any of you?

Leon: he’s likely using a fake name.

Arthur: hmm. Yes that makes sense.

Mordred, wondering if he messed up again: uh, sire? Is something wrong?

Arthur, looking back at Mordred, and trying to reassure him: I wouldn’t really say something is wrong, per say, but the fact that there is an unknown and powerful sorcerer hiding in Camelot is something I need to be aware of. Since you’ve met him, do you know who he’s hiding out as?

Mordred, glancing subtly at Merlin who’s glaring at him threatening again, realizing he really f’ed up: ……

Arthur, realizing Mordred does know who Emrys is: who is he, Mordred?

Mordred: ……

Arthur, starting to lose his patience: Mordred. Who is he? Or does your loyalty lie with him first and me, your king, second?

Mordred, startled: No! That’s not it at all, sire! I’m very loyal to you! I swear it!

Arthur: then…

Mordred, sheepishly: well… in the prophecy you two are equals, so I’ve always weighed your words and orders as equal as well. And Emrys asked me not to reveal him, so…

Arthur: ……

The knights: ……

Merlin, telepathically: you’re not done yet, keep going. The prat’s not going to leave it at that.

Arthur, trying to figure out how to word it: Mordred… you do realize that that is…. worse, right?

Mordred: ????

Arthur: there is someone who one of my knights has valued their words as equal to my own who I have never met and know next to nothing about and who is a sorcerer. I have not appointed this man and if he were to contradict one of my orders… Do see how I really need to know who this man is?

Mordred: …but he’s loyal to you…🥺

Arthur, wondering if he’s actually going to have to turn this into an official interrogation: Mordred.

Tension rises again as Arthur keeps pushing and Merlin starts yelling in his head again and Mordred just Doesn’t Know What To Do. Please make this stop! Until he can’t take it anymore and just blurts out, “I’M EMRYS!!”

Silence.

Mordred can’t believe he just said that. Did he actually just claim to be THE Emrys? It feels sacrilegious. He peeks over at Merlin, but the man seems just as shocked as the rest of them at this development and raises an eyebrow in question.

Mordred, telepathically: …sorry? I didn’t know what to say…

Merlin, telepathically: ..no, im not mad at that. I am a bit curious about where you’ll go with this though…

Arthur: you’re Emrys?

Mordred, with Merlin’s permission to continue: yes. I’m Emrys.

Gwaine, whistles: damn mate, you’ve really been holding out on us!

Everyone looks at Mordred in a new light, trying to reconcile what they already knew about him with this new information.

Arthur: so you have magic then?

Mordred, nervously: yes.

More silence.

Gwaine, very interested and not at all wary: lots of it too being the most powerful and thought of as a deity.

Mordred, who is quite powerful, but not on Emrys’ level, obviously: yeah, I suppose.

After a bit more of an awkward and tense conversation of stilted sentences, and some debate about magic, Mordred and Merlin finally relax at the fact they’re both keeping their heads and the true identity of Emrys is secret. It was pretty much decided that Mordred had already sworn fealty to Arthur when he became a knight and even saved the king’s life in the Northern Plains, so he was most likely still trustworthy even though he was a sorcerer. Arthur and the knights are surprisingly okay with this turn of events; they’re still tense, but no one’s drawn their sword. Gwaine even asks Mordred to do some magic, and with Arthur’s very tense go ahead, Mordred levitates a water skin for a bit much to Gwaine’s delight. Gwaine keeps asking Mordred to do more magic as they head back to the castle like make things float and light some campfires.

I was thinking that it will mostly be about the antics from this point and how it would change things for the better. Like, now Merlin needs to enlist Mordred in his secret magical adventures and work together to keep Arthur and Camelot safe. The two would make such a funny dynamic. Merlin being all huffy and suspicious but begrudgingly including him while Mordred is so happy at being able to help his idol out, a dream come true for him.

The group ABSOLUTELY keeps Mordred’s magic and him being Emrys thing a secret at first, not sure when that’ll change but it definitely will. Gwaine probably spills about the prophecy and Arthur being the once and future king while he’s drunk in the tavern one night, but not about Mordred. The group eventually start warming up about magic and not being so wary of sorcerers since they’re now seeing Mordred using it to protect them so much. When the knights ask about what he’s done so far he tells them about Merlin’s achievements (with his permission, of course) and gets some more stories from him.

When the actual reveal comes it will be after word has already spread that Mordred is Emrys, so then Arthur and everyone will have to be like “no, that was a lie/misunderstanding, it’s actually Merlin” but people will still mistake Mordred for Emrys even years in the future. They’re never living this down.

Also there is DEFINITELY at least one scene where they go to a Druid camp and Arthur’s all like “yep, this is Mordred. Emrys” and the druids, telepathically, are like “boy, what are you doing? Mordred, you know you’re not Emrys.” And Mordred’s like “I have permission…” so the Druids subtly look at Merlin and he’s like “yeah, he’s got permission, just go with it” So, they do.

There’s also going to be scenes where Arthur is trying to get to know Mordred better because they apparently are supposed to have a super strong bond or whatever and yes, he and Mordred do have a bond, but he wouldn’t say it was any different than his bonds with his other knights and is all confused by it. And when he’s confiding in Merlin about it, he advises to not try and force it.

I know this is season 5 and Arthur and Gwen are married, BUT if you decide to go the merthur route, there can even be some prophecies about Emrys and the once and future king being soulmates and destined to be together or something. That would make Arthur even more confused/troubled because while Mordred is only a little over a decade younger than him (I headcanon that Arthur was 20-21 in 1st season and Mordred ~7-10) and age gaps that big weren’t unheard of, he just can’t look at Mordred that way. He’s too much like an innocent little puppy or something. Merlin is probably mortified because he can’t believe they have prophecies about his love life and why was he only finding out about this NOW?

Also, LANCELOT!!! Maybe there’s some way to actually bring him back from the dead. Or, there could be some scenes of him in Avalon watching this comedy unfold and talking and laughing about it with Will and Fraya and whoever else has died. And they’re all shaking their heads at the crazy situations Merlin gets himself into.

TL;DR: It’s basically crack about Merlin and Mordred working together to pass Mordred off as Emrys with a side of fix-it.

In the future I might decide to write this myself, but I’m in the middle of reading TGCF and want to finish that and a couple other things before I rewatch Merlin. It’s been a couple years since my last rewatch so things are a little fuzzy and I don’t want to completely mischaracterize someone. So, here, take it. Do with this what you want, but let me know if you write this or something, cause it would be supper fun to read.

[julia4today]

the return of arthur pendragon - angst?? PT. 1

this is basically purely backstory, i needed to get something outtt (merlin x arthur)

a/n: this is probably the longest thing I've ever written. +I wrote this on a computer so everything is capitalized n stuff. and i want to say that im really sorry this is delayed and also the first thing ive posted in like two months. that's really on me. additionally, i have a reader x hobie fic coming out soon.

if you have sent me a request I WILL get to it, some may require more research and brain power. announcments: i have an ao3 (i havent posted anything on it though) pendragonco

Most imagine the afterlife to be a wonderland full of radiant flora and a deity only decided by yourself. A place where you may live out the years you never got to experience. But you would be wrong.

The truth is far more complex. It is a realm where echoes of your past deeds and dreams intertwine with the fabric of eternity. Time flows differently, like a river winding through the core of memories and contrition, where every choice made in life reverberates on the very existence of the universe. There are no simple paradises or solitary deities here, but rather a tapestry of existence woven from the threads of every life that comes before and leads after yours.

However, to Arthur Pendragon, both definitions seem untrue. It almost taunts him with how easy they make being dead seem to a new generation of the dead and the living.

To King Arthur, the afterlife is a treacherous wasteland, where the dead seemed unnaturally content despite their recent quietus. All he could do was curse his demise and all the unfulfilled ambitions that haunted him. He wondered about his darling Guinevere, how she fared, now tasked with ruling Camelot in his stead. He thought of the fate bestowed upon Gaius, the man he had trusted implicitly, who now carried the weight of the living through Pendragon's legacy.

But above all, his thoughts always returned to Merlin. A man he had once known. A man he had once trusted. Arthur imagined Merlin. Perhaps Merlin was so grief-stricken he never used his power again? Maybe he avenged the death of his king. For all Arthur knows, Merlin himself could've died, he too could have been cursed to this desolate ether. 

In reality, the world broke. His world broke. The once and future king, the man destined to unite the land of Albion, through magic and none, is now dead. Merlin, day after day, ran his last moments over. Cursing himself for the way Arthur left this world. If he had just listened to Kilgaraah if he had heeded his advice. If he had disposed of Mordred the first time they had met, the King would stand before him long after. No war would have ensued, and Camelot would no longer be in strife with war.

The day his death was announced to the citizens was a dismal one. Clouds cast over the town square, and the whole of the city gathered to hear the words from the queen herself. Gwen and Merlin stand where Arthur had stood just weeks prior. Where Arthur had announced war, Gwen shall announce the outcome of such a thing. 

“My dearest citizens of Camelot,” Her voice wavers. “It is with a heavy heart that I make this declaration. Our beloved king, Arthur Pendragon, has fallen in battle. The king lives no more. His bravery and dedication to our kingdom will forever be remembered. Let us unite in mourning his loss and uphold his legacy with strength and resilience. May his soul find an eternal peace” A long silence befalls Camelot. The only noise was the occasional strangled sob. Coming from townsmen and nobles alike. The knights stood on only one knee. Taking their solemn oath to the King to heart.

In the months that followed the death of the King, Merlin withdrew into solitude, seeking solace in the quiet corners of Camelot and the vast expanses of the surrounding countryside. Memories of Arthur haunted him—laughter shared over campfires, battles fought side by side, and the unspoken bond of friendship that had defined their lives. He found himself replaying every moment, every decision, wondering if there had been a different path—one that could have spared Arthur's life.

In the privacy of his chambers, Merlin poured over ancient texts and scrolls, searching for clues, signs, anything that might point the way to Arthur's return. His magic, once hidden away in fear of persecution, now burned within him with a fierce intensity—a testament to the depth of his devotion and determination. He thought of his previous journey with Arthur, a trip in which Arthur came back fuming at Uther. A trip where they had met with Ygraine, Arthur's mother.

He wonders what spell Morgause had used to conjure the image. Whether or not the image was manipulated, didn't matter so much to Merlin. If he could only see Arthur one last time. One more day. If he could apologize for his secrecy, if he pledged his allegiance to the king, if he could promise to carry out whatever plan Arthur had for Camelot, he would be content. Merlin had believed that if he could just find the right spell, he could bring back the king. Even if only for a short period.

Deciding this was easy for Merlin. Evoking Arthurs image not so much.

----

OKAY, i promise i will get part two out soon. my hobie fic comes out on sunday so

@maumnuu - this is mainly for you :p

[zalrb]

Do you think Merlin ended badly

I think a lot of aspects were rushed or glossed over.

One of my biggest issues with Merlin is that we don’t actually see a difference between how Uther ruled and how Arthur ruled, we’re told that Arthur is more democratic and fair and compassionate and there are gestures like the round table and him marrying Gwen but because we don’t actually see a systematic or widespread change, it really just feels like gestures as opposed to legitimate differences. We never get to see the united Albion we were promised Arthur would bring or magic return[…] Arthur tells Uther he brought peace to the land but I didn’t see upheaval when Uther was king, wasn’t it that Uther brought peace to Camelot but through severe tactics? I just needed the differences between the two of them to be fleshed out more for their sl to be more poignant narratively [...] In terms of this: How did you want the Merlin has magic reveal to have happened? I definitely didn’t want a deathbed reveal, it was all too rushed and development/phases that should’ve taken at least a couple of episodes if not a whole season was done in an episode and it was too much too late, if it were to be a deathbed reveal --- I don’t know, I don’t think there’d be anyway I’d like that, it could be what we got and I’d think it needed to be an entire season and it could be that Arthur always knew but then he watched Merlin struggle and agonize over keeping the secret for how long and did nothing to offer him peace, I just don’t like the deathbed reveal at all, lol.

and I think it's part of why when the finale happened, it just left me feeling hollow. There have been worse endings but I think there should've been more time to develop things.

[dollopheadedmerlin]

A lot of people dislike the ending because Arthur "never became the Once and Future King" or "never United the Land of Albion" but I think that mayyybe that was intentional?

So we all know Kilgharrah is one to manipulate destiny, and Merlin heard his destiny from others but never in as much detail. And whilst we could assume that Gwen unites Albion upon Arthur's death, many don't consider that in line with the legend either.

Soooo what if Arthur didn't unite the land of Albion yet. And him dying and becoming the Once and Future King, is but the beginning of his destiny to Unite the land of Albion upon his return.

Which is why Kilgharrah is content in the end, and tells Merlin that he did what he was destined to do. Maybe his magic fuels Arthur's spirit and its ability to one day resurrect, and without his connection to Merlin, he would never have had the magic to rise from the death, as himself, to unite Albion in the future.

And Kilgharrah did not tell Merlin of this, because then it wouldn't have worked. If Merlin did not hope for Arthur's future and life with him in his original life in Camelot, then Merlin would have been apathetic and distant, kind of like the Merlin of Arthurian Legend.

So in order to make sure that Arthur had the ability to return, Kilgharrah lied to Merlin and orchestrated their destiny. Maybe he even has some sight into the future and can see destiny play out in different branches, which is why he would encourage Merlin to push Morgana away, to create enemies, to never have anyone to confide in so that Arthur was just that much more important to him.

If this is the case, maybe Gwen righted some wrongs during her reign, but they didn't last past her lifetime, so Arthur is just waiting, tethered to Merlin in the mortal world, until he gets pulled back in

[merlinisnotover]

Whumptober day 3: “make it stop”

Tw: suicide attempt, drowning, grief

Merlin returns to Camelot but it isn’t the same. It can never be the same.

Arthur is given a hero’s funeral.

Guinevere rules a just and fair queen.

The knights mourn their king and serve their queen.

And Merlin fades.

Each day, he feels less and less like himself, more and more like a ghost. Without Arthur, who is he? Without their destiny, what is he meant to do?

He returns to working with Gaius full time, going through the motions of brewing remedies and healing the castle from fevers and broken bones and everything in between.

But nothing cures a heartbreak, as Merlin knows better than most.

Arthur had always been afraid of losing Gwen, had been open with Merlin about it, scared about becoming his father. And Gwen does grieve, Merlin can see it in her eyes. Even when it becomes clear that Arthur left more than a legacy behind and her belly swells with his child. She is a strong and proud queen; she will be a wonderful mother.

Instead, it is Merlin who disappears into his grief.

He cannot see the point of living without Arthur and as he wastes away day by day, he begins to contemplate following his king.

Would he even die? Can he even die? He’s not sure. But surely the chance is better than what life he has left here without him.

He leaves at nightfall, cloaking himself in wool and spells to pass unseen out of the city and through the woods. He rides until his horse — Arthur’s horse — needs a rest, then he dismounts and crashes into a fitful sleep.

The sun wakes him and he remounts and makes for the lake.

The lake.

Arthur.

He finally arrives at dusk of the second day, falling to his knees on the shore.

All is silent aside from the ripple of waves lapping against Merlin’s trousers.

“Make it stop,” he croaks. “I can’t do this without him. Please.”

No answer is given and Merlin knows he won’t get one. Standing, he walks into the water, his clothing becoming sodden as he wades deeper and deeper.

The water is at his mouth soon and he stops breathing to walk farther, his boots dragging along the lake bed and dragging him down. He closes his eyes and takes another step, the water closing over his head.

Exhausted from the ride and from living without his destiny, he falls to his knees on the lake bed.

He thinks he hears a voice before everything goes dark.

When he opens his eyes, he is on the shore of the lake once more. The sun has risen on a new day and the Lady of the Lake stands before him, glowing with ethereal beauty.

“It is not your time, Merlin.”

“I can’t do this.”

“You can. You must. Arthur will return when Albion needs him most and you will welcome him back.”

“We didn’t even get to —.” Merlin chokes on a sob.

“You did. Guinevere and their son will rule over a united Albion. Magic will return to the land. You must return and guide them. They need you.”

“I need him!” Merlin shouts.

But the Lady of the Lake is already fading.

Merlin wept, sobs shaking his body, alone on the shore.

Alone.

How could he do this? How could he watch Gwen raise their child knowing how much Arthur had yearned to be a father? How could he joke and jest with the knights when so many of their number had been lost?

How could he live without Arthur?

But, it seemed, he could not die without him, either.

Exhausted, Merlin slept. He would return to Camelot tomorrow.

Or in a month, perhaps.

He would return someday.

Probably.

Maybe.

Someday.

[sneakyboymerlin]

When Merlin saved Mordred’s life in 1x07, he chose to risk the greater good in order to save one child.

When Merlin chose not to save Mordred ten years later, this was him refusing to take chances again, after all that happened when he took a chance on Morgana. The idea of Mordred living and magic being instantly freed is appealing, but nothing more than a fantasy. There is no future without Arthur. There can be no future with Mordred in the picture.

[eyes-of-mischief]

weekly fic recs | 29

fandoms: aftg, dc, hq, merlin, svsss

aftg

The Crooked Kind by youreyestheyglow

Neil went pro a year ago--and not on Andrew's team. The problem: they're private people, and when the press takes their declarations of hate at face value, Andrew and Neil find themselves unwilling to end the rumors.

Sugar by orphan_account

(explicit)

Neil would always remember the first day he saw Mr. Minyard, fondly known as The Day Neil Josten’s World Was Pleasantly Rocked By Realising He Had The Most Gorgeous Lecturer On Campus.

dc

r/onlyingotham by amurderofmagpies

The unofficial subreddit of Gotham City.

hq

Vicarious Scarring by ghostwriterofthemachine

(graphic depictions of violence, major character death)

Asahi says, “You know,” with his face turned towards the window, eyelashes kissing his cheeks, “I think that, if any of you were drawn, I would volunteer.” The words hit him like a punch to the stomach. Icy fear drips down Suga’s back, wrapping around his heart and freezing his tongue for a long second. “Asahi,” he manages, “what —” “I’m serious,” he says, still so calm, no sign of the anxiety which usually follows him like a cloud. As if he’s not talking about the high possibility of his own death. “I would. I don’t even think I’d be able to stop myself.”

Or: A Hunger Games AU, about the people left behind.

Pathétique by LuckE1

(mature) (graphic depictions of violence)

Pathétique – in music, meaning “passionate” or “emotional,” or evoking the emotions of pity, grief, or sorrow.

Single-father Akaashi is on his last rope. With his desire to give his son a better life, and to escape the struggles within his own life, he is ready to end it all.

But, a certain volleyball coach brings beautiful colors into his dull world.

Musician AU, Akaashi-centered.

merlin

Emrys the Really, Truly Terrible by lindenwaverly

"“Emrys,” said Gaius, raising the Eyebrow of Disappointment and flicking his gaze to where Merlin stood behind Arthur’s chair. “That is who you wish to have as your court sorcerer.”

Arthur nodded gravely, every eye in the council meeting upon him. “Camelot is dangerously close to division even now that sorcery is legal. We need someone who will unite us all, and I cannot settle for less. I’ll send riders out at first light chasing rumours and follow up any promising leads we have myself.”

He looked so beautiful when he said it, every inch the king, with the sunlight through the windows turning him gold. His voice had taken on that richness that sometimes infused Arthur’s words – that for the good of the kingdom voice, that let it be so voice, the voice that Merlin had come to understand meant another brick laid on the road to Albion.

Unfortunately, that voice had been co-opted for a fucking farce."

Or - In which magic is legal and Merlin is still lying for reasons that are absolutely, totally 100% valid and have nothing to do with his love for Arthur

svsss

Uprooted by lethean

(mature)

Shen Yuan never expected to transmigrate, so when he does, he's at least relieved he hasn't become some poor cannon fodder character in that shitty novel he just finished reading. But as he navigates his new life, he discovers that isn't the case at all—he's landed himself right in the role of a minor villain in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

Except ... why are things different from how he remembers them? And why did the white lotus love interest turn into the villain instead??

Metagaming by esama

(mature) (graphic depictions of violence)

[Self-Saving System Activated! You will be now returned to your original starting position.]

Shen Qingqiu dies and gets a second chance and decides to try a different approach.

Part 1 of Master of Dual Cultivation

[gwemrys]

I don’t wanna make a whole post about it but I started rewatching Merlin because of your blog and I can’t stop thinking about this so… What if the prophecy was NEVER about Arthur and ACTUALLY about Gwen? Two sides of the same coin shouldn’t mean total opposites, it should me opposites who share the same core. And what’s at the core of both Merlin and Gwen? Love. For the world itself and for other people. (1/2)

And Arthur was always afraid of magic. But Gwen could return it to Camelot because she also understood that magic could be good. And truly who better to unite Albion than a Queen who values mercy but isn’t afraid to use her sword. Who better to unite Albion than a Queen who understands both what it means to rule and what it means to serve? (2/2)

(i italicised ur last sentence bc i love it so much..❣️)

anon...... ur hitting the nail on the head with this & i love u omg. listen i was just thinking about it too and i was thinking about how merlin was told he was tied to arthur (unvoluntarily!) which he accepted after a while convinced that, whatever he did, he could never change it anyway........ meanwhile he CHOSE gwen and she chose him...... he made the conscious choice to be gwen’s best friend and was loyal to her bc that’s what he from the VERY BEGINNING had WANTED. its because of merlin that arthur got to know gwen more personally which (naturally) resulted in him falling in love with her.

n yeah looking at all of bbcm we know that arthur himself didnt change a damn thing in that fucked up land of his nor did he ever show signs of wanting to, beyond like, knighting some dudes who werent nobility and being a teensy bit nicer to the druids.... saying “im not my father” doesnt make it true lol and if it did then ur still not special bitch. LMAO anyway. anon i love the way u worded everything in ur ask....... GWEN & MERLIN SHARING THE SAME CORE..... LOVE...... ive said it before merlin and gwen are soulmates in every sense that matters ❣️🥺❣️

SO..... arthur is merely a mediator imo.... thru his marriage he ensures that camelot will finally be in good hands aka GWEN’s beautiful hands <3....... u already said it..... she has it ALL ❤️ only reason calling arthur the once and future king is justified is because he is the spouse to the once and future QUEEN amen.

in conclusion...... gwen has everything. EVERYTHING. she is the one of the prophecy. slams post button

[uniasus]

While technically a very delayed day 12 for summer of whump, the ‘reliving your death’ part turned into something much bigger.

BBC Merlin, Mordred POV. Read here or the whole 2K on Ao3.

-----

Mordred remembered it all. They all do, obviously, even if the memories didn’t kick back into place until they all sat around the new round table. He could tell by how the other knights – could he even call himself a knight? - shot him shy glances.  

The worse was the small looks Leon or Guinevere gave him. Every time their eyes slide his way Mordred remembered locking eyes with Arthur and sliding his sword through the king's gut. Arthur had been too stunned to see him he hadn't brought up his sword to defend. And Mordred, too stunned at actually running his old liege lord through, had similarly put up no defense with Arthur returned the favor.  

Arthur might acknowledge the complicated situation that led them to Camlann, saw the path that led Morgana there, Mordred there, Arthur and all the knights, but it was Mordred that essentially prevented Arthur’s Golden Age. Worse, as Mordred watched Merlin serve them all lemonade, saw his flinch, learned that the other man had the same justification for violence as Mordred and  didn't  take it, Mordred knew he could have chosen not to wield that dragon-forged sword.  

Even knighted, he was still a child, wasn't he? Acting on impulses, putting his needs and wants first despite the oath he'd taken. Once, he had sat at Arthur's Round Table. Had been so proud to be among such renowned men. Now, he felt ashamed. Unworthy.  

Arthur sat tall in his seat, a man more understanding and compassionate than Mordred could ever be, completely unbothered by sharing a table with his killer.

And worse, behind him stood Merlin, Emrys, the man Mordred had wanted to impress above all others, the man who had faced the same trials and chose the opposite choice every single time.

I shouldn't be here,  Mordred ran a finger along the edge of this new, modern table. Yet, he didn't know where else to go.

Mordred stayed close to the group, but out of the way for the rest of the day. The new knight, or new to him would be a better term for Lancelot, and Mordred absorbed the stories the other told, completing each other's histories. In explaining Camlann to Lancelot and Elyan, Arthur made no effort to hide the fact that he died on Mordred's sword. But the king – ex-king? – glossed over the event and Leon took over, explaining how an aggressive Essetir had forced the druids into Camelot, Camelot's alliance with the druids, and the ensuing war that united Essetir and Camelot into a single kingdom.

Leon spoke of Merlin fighting with the knights, of marrying Guinevere, and Percival took up the tale of Merlin's kingship and how Camelot flowered.  

Guinevere, by that point, had disappeared, but Mordred could tell Arthur wished desperately to find her.  

Mordred, for his part, sat silently on the floor of the room and listened to what sounded like a truly Golden Age for Albion. A sorcerer-king. Magic helping the kingdom grow. Acceptance, or progress toward it.  

It wasn’t anything like the prophecies had led him to believe it would be like.  

It was better.  

He hated himself so much for having missed it and dreamed of how it could have been with the Once and Future King at the helm.

Mordred woke with the sun, the magic of the Earth waking in the light and stirring his own mind. He blinked, not understanding the ceiling above him before his memories caught up.  

Arthur’s knights, Mordred included, had risen again to aid with an unknown threat.  

Groaning, he sat up. His sleep hadn’t been peaceful between thoughts and dreams and the unfamiliar bed, but he was up and there was nothing for it. Might as well go outside and enjoy a bit of peace.  

Merlin’s house was larger, a castle in its own right, though it seemed to be made of less sturdy material. No stone here, but he appreciated the smoothness of the walls and floor.  

Downstairs, he wondered trying to find the door that opened to the garden with the table in it. Thankfully, the first floor was smaller than the second one. He found the strange clear door that let outside, but he found his attention caught by Merlin.  

He stood in the strange modern kitchen, leaning against the center island and looking out the window into the nearby woods. His fingers played with a coin and it was obvious he wasn’t thinking about what he was doing, yet items move through the kitchen guided by his magic.  

On the counter beside Merlin, a large bag of herbs was tipped into a small metal strainer. The strainer then gently inserted itself into the mouth of a teapot, which itself silently floated out of a cabinet to land on the center island.  

It was such an effortless use of magic, maintaining several spells at once, and Merlin – no, Emrys, he really was Emrys in this moment – didn't seem to know he was doing it. How had he looked in Camelot, as its sorcerer-king? Even as Mordred thought it, a stray sunbeam brushed Merlin’s brow through the window, making his skin glow to match the steady glow in his eyes.

Instantly, Mordred dropped to his knee. The desire was instinctual, automatic. Before him was a warlock in command of more power than anyone else would have, who ruled Camelot for forty years. This man, with his sharp face, wise eyes, and deep magic, could rule the world if he wanted. And because he didn’t, people had loved and trusted him.

“I’m sorry,” Mordred choked out.

Emrys started, turning to see Mordred kneeling on the floor, kitchen items frozen where they were. Mordred couldn’t see his face, eyes on the floor.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For killing your king.”

“Are you really sorry for that? Would you have done anything different that day?” Emrys’s voice was dry, flat.

Mordred cast his mind back and found the answer. Yet even as he did, he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. For him, the murder of Arthur had been days ago. For Emrys, over a thousand years had passed.  

Emrys seemed to think the same. He gave a deep sigh and Mordred looked up at him. He looked tired, worn. The pressure of figuring out what had called the knights back? The return of knights? The glances Arthur had sent his way all last night, watching Gwen and Emrys interact? Did he even sleep last night?

“You can stand, Mordred. You never did anything else in Camelot anyway, no need to change it. I was going to have tea outside. Join me?” As he said it, the magic in the room faded and the royal aura that had filled the kitchen drained away. Merlin physically moved around the space, pulling out mugs to place on a tray along with several other items. Mordred watched, the man before him now no more than a physician's assistant or servant preparing something for his master. It grated in a way seeing the same thing in Camelot never did.  

Probably because, Mordred thought, he now knew how high Merlin could climb.  

Mordred hurried to open the door to the back garden. Merlin nodded in thanks as he led the way, heading not to the large stone table he’d anchored his spell to but a small table surrounded by a bountiful herb garden. He took one chair, Mordred the other, and Mordred hurried to pour the tea before Merlin could. Merlin rolled his eyes, but let him.

“The answer is no, isn’t it?” Merlin asked, stirring honey in his mug.

“Yes. I... am sorry. I’m sorry I never got to see the Golden Age. I’m sorry things happened the way they did. But if I was thrust back to that day, I think I would still do it. I don’t... I don’t understand why you didn’t.”

“Didn’t do what?”

“Kill him yourself. Arthur killed Kara. And he killed someone you love too.”

Merlin stared into his tea, face blank. He’d been fairly easy to read in Camelot, but Mordred had also seen him pretend nothing was a miss more than once. His years as king must have given him a lot of opportunities to practice controlling his emotions and how to display them.  

“Arthur was involved in the death of several people I loved, but as I love him too and understood his choices, I couldn’t hurt him in return. I was made aware of the prophecies soon after my arrival to Camelot, and it didn’t take me long to learn how strong those prophecies are.”  

He sighed and locked eyes with Mordred. “I tried to stop several prophecies and failed each time. They can perhaps be delayed, but they will happen. I came to terms long ago that Camlann was supposed to happen, that nothing I could have done would have stopped that. You can’t apologize for that, Mordred. You would have always done it, whether you wanted to or not. Destiny is not something you can escape. Weirdly enough, that has given me a sense of comfort.”

"Because they said you’d see Arthur again,” Mordred guessed.  

“Yes. While it didn’t happen the way anyone expected, Arthur shepherded in the Golden Age. He had stopped prosecuting magic, he’d set Camelot on the path to accept it again. He had allies, shaped Gwen and Leon and me into who we needed to be. We built Camelot with Arthur in mind, always imagining what he would want, what he would say or do. And -” here Merlin winced, “I don’t think that Golden Age would have happened if Arthur had lived. There are things Gwen and I did he would have not.

“I’m not offering you forgiveness, Mordred, if that’s what you’re looking for. This morning. But I don’t think I can blame you either, any more than I blame Arthur for a number of things. Especially considering you’re here. You hate it.”

Mordred grimaced. He did hate it. Hated knowing what he missed, knowing that Arthur had thought highly of him up to the end, hated that he didn’t deserve any of what the two kings of Camelot offered yet desired all the same.  

“There are no prophecies now though,” Merlin continued. “I have heard nothing spoken of since before Camlann, and crystals or pools that might give me a vision have not. Do you know what that means?”

Mordred shook his head.  

“It means Destiny is not guiding our actions. Your path might have been pre-ordained in Camelot, but they’re not in Britain. I will a hundred percent blame, judge, and punish you for things that happen from here on out."

“I understand, Emrys.”

“Good.”

“And Arthur?”

“What about him?”

“If Arthur was destined to die at Camlann, if he was never supposed to helm the Golden Age of his kingdom, never be a champion of magic, you can’t fully blame him for his actions then. But now that he knows things? Knows better? Are you going to hold him accountable?”

Merlin froze, mug an inch from his mouth, before setting it down on the table between them. “I’ll teach him, I suspect I won’t be the only one. But I’m not going to judge him until he makes a choice. I can’t hold him accountable for the past, Mordred. But yes, like you, his fresh start began yesterday.”

Mordred frowned, thinking of what he learned in Camelot, what he learned last night. “I can’t follow him, not like he used to. Maybe it was Destiny, maybe it wasn’t, but it still hurts. But Merlin, Emrys, knowing what you have done, knowing what you can do -”

“Arthur’s the Once and Future King, Mordred.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s why he rose.”

His tone was final, but Mordred had never heard the actual words of the prophecy. Had Arthur risen because of Albion’s need? Or had something else triggered Merlin’s spell? Was the one who rose the Once and Future King, or was that title separate from Arthur’s destiny? Was now even the ‘future’ of the Once and Future King? Maybe in another five hundred years, Merlin would wear another crown.  

In his past life, Mordred had followed Arthur because of the hope he stood for, because he had Emrys at his back. In this life, why not follow Emrys himself? He had the track record Arthur lacked.

[camelove]

Camelove 2021

Day 6: Always By Your Side

Freya/Arthur/Merlin | Gen | 927 Words | AO3

Let's imagine Freya in Avalon.

Imagine Freya watching over Merlin with the same dedication Merlin watches over Arthur.

Imagine her hearing Arthur's first steps into a limbo where neither the truly dead nor truly living can stay, witnessing in silence as the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth clutches the hope he had been promised and shout - with the certainty of a thousand lifetimes’ worth of love and loyalty and sacrifice - that he cannot sacrifice this to destiny. Not this. Never this.

(But there is always sacrifice - the life of the Once and Future King for the unification of Albion. They will understand this later, as they see the tales of Arthur Pendragon and the Battle of Camlann spread farther than the land on which he was born. To Caerleon, to Nemeth, to the stone castles of the Saxons, across miles of earth and sea until he is no longer a story owned by Camelot, but by kingdoms united through their admiration of his rule).

Imagine that the first words Freya says to Arthur are, "You never deserved him."

Imagine pain flashing across Arthur's face before he admits, with a guilt-ridden breath, "I know."

Imagine them standing side by side as they watch Normans conquering the homeland of the Once and Future King, the waters of Avalon receding as the last remnants of magic are lost to the world, flowing into the veins of a human ghost haunting a land that is not his own.

Imagine Freya hating Arthur Pendragon for being the source of Merlin's centuries of suffering.

Imagine them sitting by a bonfire, exchanging stories about the man they both love; about the woman Arthur loves; about mountains and lakes and citadels and castles; lost friends and families they hope to join but cannot because both swore to love the man who saved them in their last moments.

Imagine her planning to tell the story of a cursed druid girl who died at the hands of a prince, knowing intimately the pain of guilt; knows how it cuts like a sword wound and burns you inside-out for what feels like eternity.

Imagine her, then, listening to Arthur's wavering voice as he recounts the tale of a sister lost to the battle of magic.

"I could have saved her," he whispers, and Freya is suddenly by the lake again with a boy begging her to say that she could be saved, loving her despite the invisible bloodstains on her hands, despite her selfishness in wanting to keep his love when the cost of it was betraying his trust. (She wanted to tell him -- tried to -- but by the end, she did not want hatred to be the last memory she had of him before she left).

And then she's back in Avalon, sometime in an arbitrary past, watching a sorcerer confess his magic to a king; watching that king move from fear, to disapproval, to guilt, to fondness in a matter of days. She hears the words I want you to always be you. Watches, now, the man beside her as he looks into the embers of a dying fire, promising to himself that he will correct every single mistake he has made, because a destiny fulfilled does not necessarily mean a life well lived.

Imagine Freya slowly seeing the man that Merlin had fallen in love with, and deciding that she, too, will have secrets to keep.

Imagine the Lady of the Lake and the Once and Future King in a forgotten land, watching as the world writes stories about a life that seem so distant, growing closer with every piece of themselves shed in the vulnerability of a plane existing where life and death are but whimsical definitions. Imagine them holding each other when ghosts of the living come back to haunt them, when guilt overcomes their senses and leaves them hoping to return sooner, sooner, now , and make everything right.

Imagine that day finally comes.

Imagine Freya and Arthur standing in front of a large sphere of light, through it the image of a world they know and do not know of at the same time.

Imagine Arthur taking her hand and looking at her with a happiness worth a thousand suns.

Imagine Freya realising, then, with sudden clarity, that the prince who stole her happy ending in another life has given it back to her with whispered conversations and silent smiles and small caresses over an uncountable amount of time.

Imagine Freya realising that she loves Arthur.

Imagine Freya reading, in the fondness of Arthur's eyes she has come to know so well, that he may feel the same way.

Imagine Freya deciding that she will not make the men she loves choose between her and each other, that she will accept that her story is not written in the scrolls of destiny reserved for Merlin and Arthur.

Imagine that in response to the thought she has not even spoken out loud, the Once and Future King says, "Forget destiny for a moment."

And Freya smiles. Small and indulgent and fond. "I won't make him choose."

"He won't," he says. "It doesn't have to be a choice."

Imagine Arthur taking her hand and bringing it to his lips.

Imagine him whispering, "Stay with me," and, "Please?"

Imagine Freya deciding that perhaps destiny is what you make it to be, made of choices as numerous as blades of grass stretching into an endless horizon, and that right now, there is none to be made at all.

This post was made to serve as inspiration for the Camelove 2021 event which will take place from 8th till 14th of February. For more examples, follow the #Camelove2021 example posts tag! We look forward to seeing what you create for the event!

[tired-college-student-writing]

From the Ashes

Summary: It wasn't supposed to end like this. Merlin was supposed to protect Arthur until he united all of Albion, not be burned at the stake by his sadistic father. He was supposed to serve him until the day both men died. How did it end up like this?

___________________________________________

The twisted look on his father’s face just made his stomach swoop.

Arthur was no stranger to executions of magic users. They were almost routine now, and he couldn’t remember a time more than two months passed in between a pyre being lit. As he grew older he felt more numb watching the events than anything else, even if before and after his heart clenched in sorrow.  

This time, however, numbness refused to take him. How could it when Merlin was being led to the stake?

The goofy moronic servant had gotten close to Arthur over the last four years, always standing by him, always lending an ear when he needed it, never afraid to offer up a quip or insult when the royal needed to be brought back to reality. It wasn’t always a welcomed truth but Arthur found he grew fond of the unhesitant words of rebuttal and clumsy actions of the other man.

He may not always be the nicest to Merlin, berating him and throwing things at him when he’s mad but he never wanted him dead. Let alone burned.

But Merlin had magic, it was undeniable the way his eyes had lit up a blazing soul-piercing gold as the assassin was pulled from the rafters after nearly taking Arthur’s head off.

Anyone with eyes could see that he had only been protecting his prince, but as the gold faded Arthur could see his servant pale and begin to shake as he realized what he had just done, trying to sputter out apologies even as Uther yelled for the guards to seize Merlin.

There was no exception to the ban on Magic after all, not even for saving the crowned prince.

He was let frozen as Merlin begged not to be taken, vows that he only ever used his magic to help Camelot, to help Arthur, how he had been born with the spark, using magic before he could even speak, how he had no choice in the art, begging for Arthur to understand, to not hate him.

He struggled to remain in the throne room, to beg at Arthur’s feet, but he didn’t attempt to escape from the guards hold, didn’t attempt to flee.

He didn’t want to be saved, Arthur realized later, as he threw up near the stables. The only thing Merlin had wanted was for Arthur not to hate him.

Arthur couldn’t even give him that much as the guards caught him trying to sneak down to the cells that night. His father had been worried he had been enchanted, and now that Arthur had done what his father would only expect from an enchanted prince. He had been confined to his rooms until the execution.

He heard from a haunted-looking Leon who was ordered to stand guard on the Prince that Gwaine had been arrested for attempting to break Merlin out of the cells along with Lancelot. Eylan and Percival visited Arthur, uncertainty weaving through their words and movements.

Magic was hated by them all for its corrupting quality, they had seen how Morgona had been twisted so easily, but Merlin was… Merlin. He was The Round Table’s younger brother, a kind and loving friend to all. They protected him with a ferocity that only was matched in the intensity that they teased him with. He, in turn, treated the knights as equals, caring for them passed what was appropriate for a servant to do, but he just rolled his eyes at them with a sarcastic “Of course, sir knight,” before returning to his normal behavior.

But they had seen the good in Magic, hadn’t they? The light that had guided Arthur when Merlin was poisoned, Merlin’s friend Will saving them all from the invaders, and recently Dragoon the Great had healed Uther, pulling him back from the brink of death, though he had almost killed him before finding the charm placed on him that changed healing energy into harm. Arthur had been relieved each time, even when Uther had screamed for the guards the moment he opened his eyes.

Gaius also visited, grief and sorrow making the old physician look frail. Arthur accepted his gruff words about not knowing his ward had been practicing magic under his nose, even though he knew from the way his eyes teared up and his hands shook that he was lying. He was already losing his best friend, he wasn’t risking losing Gaius as well.

Now here he stood on the balcony overlooking the courtyard next to his father, he wished he had tried harder to get to Merlin. He was the only member of the Round Table here, the only one to see the hollow look on Merlin’s face. He was moving stiffly as if a puppet being pulled along against its will. Even from where he stood Arthur could see the dried tear tracks on his face and the red around his eyes.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe as his father’s speech bounced around the silent crowd, not hearing a word of it as the fire was lit. He wanted to yell at Merlin to fight, to use his magic to break free and run, but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. His father had warned him harshly as he pulled him to the balcony that if he tried calling out to Merlin, to encourage him to escape, that Uther would have the man tortured before being burned. Arthur refused to cause his friend any more pain.

Merlin didn’t move as the fire licked higher,  didn’t even cough as the smoke overtook his form. Arthur could tell that he was burning, his best friend was burning, but he was as lifeless as a doll, but Arthur knew he wasn’t dead yet. It took at least an hour before the fire would die down and Uther would allow for the guards to put out the fire, certain the sorcerer was dead. At thirty minutes the cries were usually the loudest, but still nothing from Merlin.

There was sudden movement as they neared the hour mark, and through the haze, Arthur had let himself fall into he saw his father’s eyes narrow.

A crack sounded from the pyre and the crowd gasped as lightning struck the center of the fire. The intensity of the blast jarred Arthur to the very bone as the castle shook around him, knocking him to his knees. By the time he scrambled to his feet the fire had been extinguished, faster than should be possible by ordinary means.

In the center of the smoldering remains was Merlin, clothes singed badly and ash covering his skin but he was there and seemed unharmed, and he didn't quite fight back relieved laughter. Suddenly Merlin’s face snaps up to him and his father, revealing the blazing golden eyes that were burned into his memory. The sorcerer's face was unnaturally blank as Uther barked to the guards to seize him.

They didn’t get the option as Merlin lifted into the air without a word, floating elegantly to land on the railing of the balcony, looming over the Pendragons with an unrivaled authority Arthur never would have paired with Merlin but seemed so natural.

“What sort of trick is this, Sorcerer?” Uther barked, fury rolling off of him in waves.

“Oh Uther,” Merlin sighed, words echoing unnaturally through the courtyard, “You truly don’t see how ignorant you’ve become of Magic, and how hypocritical.”  

“Merlin was no Sorcerer,” Merlin told them, “He was a Warlock. you know the difference, Uther, but for your son’s benefit, I will explain. Warlocks are blessed with their gifts from birth and they develop somewhere between their early teens and twenty years old as Morgana did, but Merlin was special, he’s been using magic since the moment he drew his first breath. No, that it mattered, you had him burned for something he couldn’t control any more then you could decide what color your hair is. ”

Arthur felt his heart squeeze, “Why are you referring to yourself like that Merlin?”

The golden gaze turned to him, and almost seemed to soften as it spoke the words that sent ice through his veins, “I’m sorry Arthur, but Merlin is dead.”

Uther raised a brow, “Who are you then?”

“I am a being of legend,” Mer-The thing wearing Merlin’s skin explained, “Magic coursed through Merlin since the moment he was conceived, been at his disposal since he drew his first breath, using magic for him was instinctual as breathing and blinking is for you. His destiny laid out a path that magic had carved for him, he was to be the most powerful magic user that ever was. I was his magic, the connection he shared with the Old Religion that would allow him to protect the Once and Future King. I was meant to just be an aspect of him, but now that he’s gone Magic refuses to let the Once and Future King remain unprotected before his destiny can be fulfilled. So I have been awoken, and will remain at Arthur’s side until the day comes that he no longer needs a protector, or until Magic can convince Merlin to return from Avalon.”

“I’ll have you put to death if you get near my son,”

The being let out an ungodly laugh that sent fear down the spines of those gathered.

“Poor Poor Uther,” It cried, edging on pity, “You never learned your lesson. You can kill as many magic users as you wish, you can hunt them for sport, but you can’t rid the world of Magic, and you can’t avenge your wife because it’s not Magic’s fault that you did not heed the warnings.”

Arthur sucked in a startled breath, eyes flying to his father, “Morgause spoke the truth. You used magic so that I could be born, even though you were warned that someone must die.”

“Yes,” The being confirmed, “Your father ignored the warnings about how balance must be kept, he believed that the one that died would be a peasant or knight, someone with whose life he saw as forfeit compared to a prince’s. Only when it was Ygraine did he realize the true nature of what he asked, and chose to blame Magic and Nimih instead of his own choices. The only thing the vision lied to you about is that your Mother would never have blamed Uther for her death, nor would she have wanted for you to slay him in vengeance.”

“Why lie?” Arthur whispered, fists clenching, “Why not tell me the truth?”

“Because Merlin did not want to see you hurt in such a way,” The being explained, “He cared for you enough that he would allow your hatred of magic to remain so that you would not slay your own father in cold blood. It’s why Merlin broke the enchantment between your father and the troll, why he had Excalibur made, why he took the form of Dragoon and healed your father. It is also the reason I will not lay him to rest myself, even should you request it. Even so, he can not harm nor kill me.”

“Don’t be so cocky,” Uther seethed.

“Against you, Uther?” The being said, face blank as a slate, but full of promises, “It’s not being cocky, it’s stating fact.”

The being stepped down to the balcony and walked through the door behind them, not even flinching as Uther pulled his sword and tried to stab it through the being. The sword didn’t even make it close to it as a golden shield appeared and shattered the steel blade like it was an icicle.

Arthur took off after ignoring the calls from his father. He caught up to it after it had run into Percival outside Arthur’s chambers. The bear of a man was trembling, white as a sheet, staring at the golden-eyed being with fear that seemed more befitting a young maiden. Arthur would have found it comical if it had been any other circumstance, but right now he just felt empathy.

“Merlin…” The man spoke, “You’ve…”

“Merlin is dead,” Arthur spoke up before the being could, “This isn’t Merlin.”

The knight stared at him as if he had grown three heads, “But sire, it’s clearly-”

“Gather the Table, Sir Percival,” Arthur ordered, voice low and harsh, “I- We’ll explain once we have everyone. Break Lancelot and Gwaine out of jail if you have to, just get everyone here as soon as you can.”

The knight sprinted off with speed uncharacteristic of the large knight.

“What should I call you?” Arthur asked once the door shut behind him, “If you’re not Merlin if you’re simply his magic or whatever else you are…”

The being gazed at him in confusion, his eternal golden eyes, “I suppose Emrys is the best name for me. It was the name the druids created for the protector of the Once and Future King.”

“Alright, Emrys then. You’ll need to explain more about that Once and Future King business once the others arrive.”

“Of course, Sire.”

Arthur felt odd stripping from his court clothing with the be- Emrys simply stood like a statue by the bed, seeming to not even breathe, but he had a feeling that this was going to be a long talk.

The door crashed open unexpectedly before Arthur could finish changing, a sober and pissed off looking Gwaine, followed closely by the other knights, Percival hanging back, eyes vacant with fear. Gwen and Gaius were hanging near the back, tear streaks still evident on their faces.

Gwaine let out a sob as he saw Emrys standing there, crossing the room instantly to pull the being into a tight hug, “Thank the gods! How did you manage to escape?”

“I am not Merlin,”

Gwaine pulled back and stared at the being in confusion, “What do you-”

“Gwaine,” Arthur said as he pulled on his shirt, “We all need to sit down while Emrys and I explain… explain what happened at Merlin’s execution.”

Leon let out a slight gasp looking to the being for the first time since he entered the room, and Gauis looked like he might be sick, but no one could muster up a word as they tensely circled the room.

Arthur turned to the still statue-like Emrys, “Tell them everything you told my father and I at the execution site.”

The being didn’t move even as Gwaine pulled back uncertainty, didn’t even seem to acknowledge the others in the room as they slowly formed a circle around the room, but after being prompted he quickly started to recount the events of the morning. Arthur wasn’t sure listening to the emotionless factual retelling was better or worse than the real events. Everything was so... detached from Emrys as if the being could care less about Merlin's death outside of what it meant for it existing. A completely blank expression and a dull monotone didn't fit Merlin's face and voice, least of all when telling them about how the licking flames and suffocating smoke had driven the very essence of the man they all called a friend from his body, leaving a corpse behind before magic decided to create its own consciousness to stand-in.

“So Emrys,” Gwaine pushed, anger boiling just below the surface, “Why don’t you tell us everything Merlin did for Camelot? All the things that he did for Arthur that the princess couldn’t even be bothered to save him for?”

“Oh really?” Arthur snapped, “You want to say I did nothing? I argued and fought with my father but he was convinced the only reason I would still care for a magic user is that he enchanted me and reassured me that once Arthur was dead I would see reason. Then I couldn’t even speak up at the execution because my father warned me that if I even spoke a single word before the hour was up that he would burn all of Merlin’s friends. After all, clearly, one of them was also a magic-user and keeping the enchantment up! I was already losing my best friend, I didn’t want to lose any of you as well!”

“Stop this now,” Gauis cried, looking worn and tired, “None of this fighting is going to bring back Merlin, we’ve all failed him!”

The knights fell silent, frustration and sorrow oozing from all as they gazed around the room at each other, daring someone to speak.

“Odd,��� Emrys said after a long moment, head cocking slightly to the side, the first real movement he made since entering the room.

“What?” Arthur snapped, glaring at the golden eyes that should be blue. Emrys simply looked between the knights before gazing back at Arthur.

“You really do care for him," Emrys stated with the barest hint of wonderment in his voice that caused Arthur's heart to wither, "even though Merlin left this plane believing that you despised him. Even Magic didn’t account for all of the knights siding with Merlin when Uther was still alive. Gaius, Lancelot, and Gwen were always going to stand by him but the rest of you...You all are very odd.”

[drkfought]

    ─         the  mirrors  surrounding  you  did  as  they  were  meant  to ,  reflecting  back  a  spitting  image  of  colin  morgan    -    but  it’s  clear  something  is  wrong  from  the  moment  that  a  vision  of  𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨  𝘧𝘰𝘳  𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘳  strikes  you .    perhaps  it  was  a  passing  daydream  in  the  frenzy  of  the  funhouse .    you  reassure  yourself    -    you’re  𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍 ,   a  𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺  𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵  year  old  𝗣𝗛𝗬𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗡  whose  virtue  lies  in  your   + cunningness   &   + loyalty ,  although  you’ve  been  told  that  you  tend  to  be  quite   - elusive   &  - deceitful ,  and you’re associated with  𝒎𝒐𝒍𝒕𝒆𝒏  𝒈𝒐𝒍𝒅  𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒃𝒆𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒅  𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓  𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 ,   𝒂  𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒇𝒖𝒍  𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆  𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  𝒕𝒐  𝒂𝒏  𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕  𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 ,  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒔𝒕  𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘  𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒕  𝒃𝒚  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕  𝒐𝒇  𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 ,  by  those  around  you .    suddenly,  however,  you’ve found  𝐀  𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐅  on  your  person    -    was  that  always  there ?     from  the  moment  you  leave  the  funhouse ,  memories  from  your  life  in  𝙗𝙗𝙘'𝙨  𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙣   have  begun  to  return   -   leaving  whoever  you  had  been  before  in  the  mirror’s  reflection  behind  you .    you  can  almost  hear  𝚆𝙷𝙸𝚃𝙴  𝙻𝙸𝙴   by  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙻𝚄𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙴𝚁𝚂  following  in  your  wake .

it’s  basically  tradition  for  me  at  this  point  to  pick  up  merlin  anywhere  i  go .    that’s  my  comfort  character  your  honor .    i’m  picky  with  how  i  play  him   &   hope  you  like  him  but  i  truly  love  him  so  much .

full name :     merlin  ambrosius  wyllt . alises :   emrys .   dragoon  the  great .   magic  itself .   prince  of  enchanters . age :   twenty  eight . gender & pronouns :   non  binary ,  he / they . sexual & romantic orientation :    pansexual / panromantic . species :   sorcerer / magic  personified . identifying  marks :    tba .

     ─        𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍  𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 .

born  on  in  the  village  of  ealdor  to  a  simple  farm  maiden ,  merlin  seemed  quite  unimportant  to  most  anyone .   his  mother ,  however ,  knew  differently  when ,  behind  closed  doors ,  her  son  was  magically  moving  objects  since  before  he  could  walk .     knowing  that  her  son’s  abilities  would  mean  a  death  sentence  over  his  head  ever  since  king  uther  declared  magic  illegal  in  the  great  purge ,  merlin’s  mother  was  sure  to  keep  his  abilities  hidden  from  anyone .    however ,  she  knew  his  skill   &   life  was  always  meant  for  more  than  ealdor .   when  he  was  eighteen  she  helped  him  pack  his  things   &   sent  him  away  to  camelot  to  live  with  an  old  friend :  gaius ,  the  court  physician .

once  in  camelot ,  merlin  found  himself  thrust  into  his  own  destiny  when  following  the  call  of  a  strange  voice  led  him  to  a  dragon  imprisoned  below  the  castle .   the  dragon ,  kilgharrah ,  informed  merlin  of  how  he  was  to  protect  the  young  prince  arthur  to  becoming  king  &  uniting  the  lands  of  albion .    though  merlin  initially  refused ,  having  been  throughly  unimpressed  with  what  he  knew  of  arthur ,  fate  had  other  plans .     after  stopping  an  assasination  attempt  on  arthur  during  a  feast  later ,  merlin  is  given  work  in  the  castle  as  a  reward  &  is  named  arthur’s  personal  manservent .     the  both  of  them  are  displeased  with  the  situation  at  first ,  but  as  years  pass  they  form  an  unlikely   &   inseparable  friendship .

though  unable  to tell  arthur  about  his  magic ,  seeing  as  arthur’s  view  of  it  had  been  tainted  by  his  father  uther ,  merlin  still  committed  to  his  destiny   &   secretly  protected  arthur  from  the  shadows  from  any  threat .   though  decisions  were  often  tough ,  merlin  did  the  best  he  could   &   eventually  arthur  did  take  the  throne  as  king .   it  seemed ,  almost ,  like  everything  was  going  as  it  was  supposed  to .   all  up  until  a  fateful  night  at  the  battle  of  camlann .   though  merlin  was  able  to  drive  back  the  opposing  forces   &   even  defeat  morgana ,  arthur’s  traitorous  half  sister ,  arthur  still  became  mortally  wounded  in  the  battle .    merlin  confessed  to  his  magic  to  arthur   &   gained  the  king’s  forgiveness  but  still  was  unable  to  save  his  life .   arthur  died  in  merlin’s  arms .    &   as  merlin  was  being  told  that  arthur  would  return  again  one  day  when  albion’s  need  was  greatest ,  it  came  to  his  realization  that  this  failure  was  exactly  what  his  destiny  was  leading  up  to .   he  simply  was  never  told  the  end .  

over  a  thousand  years  have  passed  after  arthur’s  death .    the  king  has  yet  to  return .   but  merlin ,  bound  by  destiny ,  still  waits  for  him .

    ─        𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃  𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 .

merlin  is  an  only  child .   his  father  was  never  in  the  picture ,  left  before  his  mother  even  knew  she  was  pregnant ,  but  with  how  doting  his  mother  has  always  been  this  fact  hasn’t  bothered  him  very  much .    after  all ,  his  mother  was  never  entirely  alone .    she  had  a  close  family  friend  who  helped  raise  him   &   there  was  also  his  aunt   &   his  younger  cousin ,  simon .     he  never  felt  himself  to  be  a  lonely  child  by  any  means .    

he  grew  up  in  a  small  town  in  wales   &   was  fairly  well  liked .   people ,  if  anything ,  were  amused  by  how  mischievous  he  could  be .   he  was  a  trouble  maker  without  even  trying  much .     he  got  into  odd  fights  against  a  handful  of  bullies  but  he  knew  how  to  dodge  the  right  way  to  wear  them  out  most  of  the  time .    he  seemed  quite  very  unassuming ,  with  high  cheekbones   &   ears  too  big  for  his  head ,  but  merlin  had  always  been  quite  surprisingly  crafty .

he  went  to  school  in  america  for  medicine ,  something  that  his  mother’s  family  friend  had  always  brought  him  interested  in ,  &  came  out  with  good  or ,  at  least ,  average  grades  without  much  effort .    had  his  PhD  by  twenty  six    &   has  now  lived  in  alucard  for  two  years  working  as  a  general  physician .

   ─        𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑  ��𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 .

important  note  on  how  i  play  merlin :   he  is  not  just  “ the  greatest  sorcerer  to  ever  walk  the  earth ”    he  is  also  literally  magic  personified .   “ magic  itself ” ,   as  he’s  called  in  canon .    magic  put  into  a  human  form .    his  magic  is  extremely  powerful  with  very  few  limitations .

anyway .   he’s  goofy  a  lot ,  enough  that  he’s  rarely  taken  seriously ,  but  it’s  a  good  facade  for  him  because  he’s  also  almost  always  lying  when  he  can  be .    it  comes  like  a  second  nature  to  him .    most  don’t  think  much  of  him  because  he’s  pretty  unassuming  but  some  are  astoundingly  interested  by  him .   no  in  between .

remembers  waiting  for  arthur  for  fifteen  hundred  years .   is  a  little  bitter   &   pessimistic  because  of  this .

gets  moody  bc  he  failed  arthur  :/  

the  most  suspicious  bitch .   dude  trusts  almost  no  one .

has  a  slight  gambling  issue .   cheats  often .  counts  cards .

ill  add  more  later  as  i  think  of  it .

[captain-lonagan]

Merlin Was Supposed To Die

i have to go to sleep soon because i have to get up for work in five hours but i just had a really insane headcanon pop up into my head:

so every hero is defined by their villain. and i don’t mean in a “villain merch sells more than hero merch” way, i mean a hero’s strength can only be proven by how strong The Big Bad they kill is. and people rally around a person who can keep them safe from The Big Bad. so if arthur is meant to get all of albion to unite, he’ll have to prove himself and rally his people. so big battle against The Big Bad would be pretty ideal and would be pretty in line with the tone of prophecies. big battle makes the hero a big star.

which just begs the question: Who is The Big Bad(TBB)?

most of you would immediately say Morgana or Mordred. but mordred is a scrappy druid kid who learned to be a knight. yes he’s powerful but at the end of the day is he really Unite Albion levels of terrifying? he’s an angry, heartbroken kid. a powerful one, yes. but not enough to inspire a country. so morgana, right? surely she’s enough? and we’re almost there, morgana is pretty powerful and she did scare a lot of people. but not so much. morgana’s threat was entirely focused on camelot or anyone who directly provoked her. she could be negotiated with if you weren’t aligned with arthur or weren’t directly opposing her. so she’s not really something for the whole of albion to fear so long as they treat her half decently(or at least that’s how a lot of people would view her). Morgause? a radical high priestess, weaker than morgana, small potatos. Kilgarrah? literally did anyone outside of camelot give a fuck about kilgarrah? no, because he didn’t bother anyone else. and yes, these people would bother someone else if provoked. but their powers aren’t big enough or wild or out of control enough to really terrify everyone unanimously.

So who is powerful enough to unite an entire continent in fear of their power? who is a bother to everyone else? who would demolished entire armies single handedly? hell, who Has demolished an entire army single handedly? Merlin. Emrys. if anyone can unite an island of divided countries in fear, its the most powerful sorcerer to ever live. after he inherits his full power in the cave merlin is practically a god. regardless of his own intentions or personality, he is powerful enough to make people afraid simply based on that. so for a moment let’s consider: what if arthur was supposed to kill merlin?

i mean we have this kid, a bastard, ostracized and hurt for all his life. the only ones who he loved and was loved by in return were his best friend and mother. he goes to camelot. he sees his people murdered, brutally, humiliatingly. he sees uther, feasting and thriving. he sees a shining prince, who in early merlin’s mind was an absolute Ass, remember? and yeah merlin makes some friends but other than lancelot none of them fully know and accept him, and lancelot left. gaius is alright, but he’s not particularly good company in the whole Magical Closet department. so what if, when nimueh offers merlin the chance to change sides, or when cornelius sigan says merlin should join him, it’s more than just standard villain monologue? what if it’s fate pushing him towards his “destiny”? arthur killed freya, what if that was meant to be another catalyst? can we trust kilgarrah to tell the whole truth when he’s so blinded by his own biases and goals?

because let’s think here: a lot of early villains, even small ones, pushed merlin to go dark side. later villains were made by merlin’s decisions to try and do good. you will never convince me morgana was truely destined for evil. i love merlin, but if he had done things with her a little differently the show would’ve gone very differently. mordred, ALL OF MORDRED, was made by merlin’s choices. if merlin hadn’t interfered with morgause, regardless of whether it was the right thing to do or not, arthur would’ve believed magic to be good(or at least neutral) and uther would be dead. if we’re going with morgana being handled well, maybe she’d get to train as a high priestess and become educated in the old religion. because much as we like to nominate merlin for court court sorcerer based on his power, he knows literally nothing about the magical community.

so if we look at those villains and you look at merlin’s background of pain and the power he has that overwhelms him, that he can’t contain, that makes him wonder if he’s a monster, is it so insane to wonder if maybe he was supposed to snap? to lose control or to step a little too dark into the moral gray area? now i’m not saying merlin would be moustache-twirling evil, he’d probably be as terrified of his power then as he was in season one. i’m thinking merlin, guilt-ridden and terrified of the power that bleeds and bursts from his fingers. i’m thinking merlin, lost and caught in a whirlwind he can’t seem to find any control over. i’m thinking merlin, slowly realizing that maybe he is the monster.

so now you’re wondering, “alby, even if that batshit insane idea is plausible, merlin didn’t actually go evil. what’s your reasoning for that?” to which i respond “arthur was supposed to unite albion in a golden age so maybe fate doesn’t always go how it’s meant to”. maybe something happened that fate didn’t plan for. merlin fell in love. he took a leap of faith and landed on a shiny prince. maybe merlin wasn’t meant to be so loyal, so patient, so faithful. maybe arthur wasn’t meant to grow more and more fond of his servant. maybe the love that so many tumblr users and fic writer praise as fated wasn’t meant to happen at all. and even if they did fall in love, merlin would still be pulled into the whirlwind.

maybe merlin was meant to look at the death and destruction he created on a battlefield or in a forest or in a city and turn to arthur and say, “if you ever loved me, kill me,”

because to kill a beast as powerful as an emrys, to defeat a such a powerful mad monster, that requires a true hero(a true king) to unite all the people who had cowered in fear.

because only one side of a coin can face up. because merlin is meant to help arthur unite albion, but nobody trustworthy ever says how.

i’ve got a lot more thoughts on this but i now have about 4 hours to sleep before i need to get up for work so i’ll leave this here. just think about it.

[zalrb]

Do you think Merlin eve wonders to himself that even though destiny told him to stay by Arthur’s side it was for him to bring back magic to the land and free his ppl but Merlin in a way lost sight of that and it became stay by arthur side to protect him becuase he loves and can’t lose him, when do you think Merlin realized he stayed by Arthur’s side not for duty but more for affection

Well with regards to the first part of the ask, I wonder if it really was that Merlin lost sight of what his original goal staying by Arthur’s side was or if it was that the show did a bad job emphasizing bringing magic back to the land and having a free and united Albion considering the fact that there were a lot of holes when it came to that aspect of the show. From another post of mine:

One of my biggest issues with Merlin is that we don’t actually see a difference between how Uther ruled and how Arthur ruled, we’re told that Arthur is more democratic and fair and compassionate and there are gestures like the round table and him marrying Gwen but because we don’t actually see a systematic or widespread change, it really just feels like gestures as opposed to legitimate differences. We never get to see the united Albion we were promised Arthur would bring or magic return[...]

So I never got the impression that Merlin ignores his duty but rather the show kind of forgot his duty or instead focused on his relationship with Arthur as opposed to his duty and stopped caring about balancing the two.

That being said, with regards to the second part of this ask, I do believe that Merlin did stay by Arthur’s side because he loved him and wanted to protect him and couldn’t lose him first and foremost as opposed to it being instead of his duty. In terms of when he realized that, I do have that post saying that I think 1x10 is when Merlin and Arthur fell in love but it’s also been building for a while and 1x10 is like a bunch of half-realized emotions becoming fully realized and so, I do think in 1x02 the affection was already building.

Merlin likes the idea of being someone who can make Arthur laugh

After Gaius tells Merlin that a servant’s opinion matters very little but Arthur says he trusts him, Merlin takes that to heart:

And when Arthur fires Merlin, he goes to Kilgharrah and says, “How can I protect someone who hates me?” not this isn’t going to work, not he doesn’t trust me and that makes my duty more difficult, he’s actually distraught that he and Arthur fought. So I think 1x02 is the beginning of Merlin not viewing Arthur as simply a charge, of seeing decency in him and liking him but I think in 1x08 Merlin realizes that his protection of Arthur is protectiveness because although he eventually helps Mordred, when Kilgharrah tells him that Mordred will eventually kill Arthur, the panic in Merlin’s eyes is intimate.