#like it very much might legally be classified as a story in which the characters happen to have the names of it characters

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

if you've ever wanted to read a time-travelers/immortal poly lesbian love story that also happens to be a lesbian streddie fanfic (and is also genuinely the best thing I've ever written in my entire life) then oh boy do i have a fic for you

(fic link) (original post)

Full picture/old version:

[where-theres-smoak-2]

This Needs To Stop.

Trigger warning: Sensitive topics, p*dopilia, grooming, mental health and r*cism. 

Ok so this is a bit of a rant so apologies for that, I usually try to stay away from sensitive or controversial topics but this is something that I am passionate about and that I think is important. Also I just want to say that I am in no way directing this to the entirety of the M*lina fandom, I know most are just enjoying their ship, but there are those few who are deliberately seeking out darklina posts or are cross tagging and coming into darklina’s asks and just generally harassing the fandom which sadly I am seeing happen more and more often. Also I do feel like this can apply to all fandoms not just exclusively shadow and bone/ grishaverse, its just this is the one I am experiencing it in right now.   

I’ve seen antis call darkling/darklina fans many problematic things, delusional, mentally ill, ab*se apologists. They also like throwing around words like grooming and p*dophile. The thing that makes me angry about this is that they are taking sensitive topics, topics that many users have been effected by and they are using them to attack shippers merely for liking a character or ship that they don’t. What is even more frustrating is they seem to be throwing these words around without evening fully understanding what they even mean. For example the claim that the Darkling is a p*dophile because Alina is only 17 in the books. Well p*dophilia is a psychiatric disorder where adults are attracted to children and in order for it to be classed as p*dophilia the child involved has to be 13 or younger. A 16 year old can be diagnosed as a p*dophile if they become attracted to a child that is five years or more younger than them. So the relationship between the Darkling and Alina does not meet the criteria to be categorised this way as Alina is over the age of 13. As for it being a case of Alina is underaged, well, for one that depends on where in the world you are. This is based on imperial russia, in russia the age of consent is 16. This means that a 16 year old can have a sexual relationship with a 30 year old, a 70 year old or a 500 year old immortal and in a court of law it is still legal, whatever your own moral issues around age gaps might be. Even then it can be argued that it is irrelevant because, as with most historical literature where young girls marry older men, you cannot put modern day concepts onto them. Like I said this story is based on Imperial Russia, the life expectancy of a person in that time was around 30 years old. That means a 15 year old girl is already half way through her life, she is literally middle aged. It is at this point usually that girls started to prepare to get married and have children and yes sometimes it was to an older man because men were expected to provide for their wife and family which means having a house and job and means to support a family which an older man was more likely to have. My point is a 15-17 year old in say Imperial Russia is not the same as a 15-17 year old in modern day therefore you can’t take modern day laws and morals and place them onto that situation, it doesn’t work, they lived completely different lives. In Alina’s world, she is at the age where girls might get married and her being courted by a man of the general’s status would have been a normal occurrence, for her to have caught the attention of someone with his standing would have been considered very advantageous for her. I mean she literally gets two marriage proposals in book 2, where I believe she is still 17, and Nikolai is talking about how if she marries him it’ll be in name only and they can make Mal her guard so she can do the horizontal tango with him whenever she feels like it, so clearly the characters themselves feel like Alina is at an age where she can, one get married, and two be engaging in a sexual relationship. 

So why does all of this matter? Well it matters because people reading these posts, asks and comments left on posts, may be victims of p*dophilia and grooming. A lot of these comments don’t have trigger warnings and when you are talking about sensitive and triggering topics like this you need to be careful and when you are talking about them without even really understanding them, and where they can’t apply to the characters you are talking about anyway, then you are potentially triggering someone needlessly because you didn’t need to be talking about it in the first place, I hope I am making sense there. I am not saying don’t talk about these subjects if you do think they are relevant, I am saying make sure you do the research, that you understand the subject you are addressing and when you do talk about it do it in a respectful manner, don’t throw it out there in an angry spew accompanied by alot of other derogatory words because that won’t help anyone.     

Another subject I want to talk about is I am also seeing a lot of posts about how darklinas must be delusional or mentally unwell. This, again, is hurtful and harmful. Mental illness for a very long time has had a stigma around it, one that makes the person suffering from it feel weak and ashamed. There was always the attitude of if you are mentally ill then there is something wrong with you, or the attitude of oh just get over it, cheer up, think a different way. But mental illness isn’t just a state of emotion its often caused by hormonal imbalances and chemicals. Genetics can also play a part. There is nothing wrong with someone who is mentally ill their brain is just wired a different way. I also find it problematic when people throw around the word delusional. Maybe its nothing to you, just a word, but alot of mental illnesses have actual delusions as one of their symptoms. These can be scary and upsetting and are outside the control of the person experiencing them. Making the suggestion that liking a particular ships means you are delusional is potentially very triggering to those who do battle delusions and have fought to overcome them. The stigma around mental illness has prevented alot of people suffering from mental illness from seeking help out of shame or embarrassment or even out of fear of being judged and although I do feel like as a society we’ve become alot more open about mental health and alot more accepting there is still a long way to go. When antis start saying things like ‘I can’t believe people ship this, they must be mentally ill,’ or ‘they must be sick in the head’, or ‘if you like this ship than you must be delusional’ not only are they being incredibly prejudice against people who have mental illnesses but it is also so harmful because if there is someone reading that post who is struggling with their mental health and are considering seeking help then you’ve just made them feel more ashamed, more like there is something wrong with them which will make them even less likely to seek out help and as I said before there isn’t anything wrong with a person who has a mental health condition they are just different from you. That doesn’t give you the right to make them feel like they are less capable of deciding what they do or do not like or even what they should or should not like to be classified as a ‘normal’ person. 

The most latest problematic statements I’ve seen have been those accusing Darklina’s of being r*cist. This one I found a bit funny in a it’s not funny kind of way. I just don’t think there is much logic behind this view point. I’m not sure I understand the antis reasoning here. Mostly because I’m pretty sure the majority of the Darklina fandom comes from the books where Mal is described as being a white, brown haired, blue eyed guy. Funnily enough the Darkling is described as being able to pass for Shu, though to be clear it isn’t confirmed that he is a POC, but out of the two in the books the Darkling is more likely to be a POC than Mal. On top of that whilst many darklina fans have made it clear they are not a fan of Mal in the books many have said they like the show version of Mal who, as we all know, the actor Archie is a POC. So by anti logic darklinas are all r*cist because they don’t like book Mal who is depicted as white but we do like show Mal who is a POC. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I do understand that there were some ‘fans’ who made inappropriate and r*cist comments to some cast members including Archie and I would never ever condone that no matter who I ship. But you also can’t condemn an entire fandom just because of the actions of a select few. I don’t judge all M*linas for that one fan who accused Ben of being a pr*dator and p*dophile because of his friendship with Jessie. Once again my point is r*cism is a serious topic and not something someone should use as a retort or comeback to someone not shipping your ship. When we use these words casually it makes it less likely that they’ll be taking seriously when they really do need to be taken seriously, when they really are relevant to what is happening. If we keep using them so casually then when we really do need to talk about them, when it really matters, people will just shrug and go ‘its just antis being antis.’ 

I think it is possible for people to like different things, to debate and analyse different relationships and characters and talk about what flaws they may have in a respectful manner. I wouldn’t say I am anti m*lina but at the same time there are things about them that I find problematic but when I talk about those things I hope I do so in a way that doesn’t demean those who do like the ship. I understand that people will have a different interpretation than me and whilst I might not understand where their thinking comes from or why they have a particular opinion I would never make the assumption that they are mentally unwell or make judgements on their character or morals. I try to think about the words I am writing. I know how easy it can be to just throw a word out there without thinking about it. I used to use the word delusional to describe fans of certain ships, but when I recognised how damaging and problematic that was I stopped and I changed my behaviour because it was never my intention to hurt others. I guess the main message I am trying to convey here is we need to be careful with our words they’re not as insignificant as we might think.                

[itsclydebitches]

With respect, Ironwood brought an army to deal with a covert threat. In his FIRST appearance he'd had ozpin removed from the tournament staff with secret meetings. He was told many times his embargo was hurting the city, he kept a woman on life support prisoner and his treatment of Robyn convinced a technically legal protest into an outright criminal. Not to mention he abandons the best defense humanity has against the Grimm to keep some control. Shooting a dissenter seem very in character

“Ironwood brought an army to deal with a covert threat” - For which he was suitably chastised by Ozpin. It’s a whole conversation in “Welcome to Beacon” and, back when RWBY was doing a better job of handling these complex issues, that conversation gives weight to both sides. Ironwood isn’t trying to, idk, take over Beacon or something with his army. He wants to be prepared in order to help people. “I’m just being cautious.” Ozpin points out that scaring everyone won’t help, but notably the story acknowledges that Ozpin’s preferences are far from full-proof. “Do you really believe your children can win a war?” Can you prove to me that the kids we’re training will be enough when the shit hits the fan? Ozpin doesn’t have an answer. He dodges answering by saying only that he hopes his kids won’t have to fight, not that he has unwavering faith that they will win. Then Beacon falls. Ozpin dies. Ironwood is left alone with an entire kingdom to keep safe and I think it’s worth acknowledging that he did that. Mantle is far from perfect, there’s a lot there to fix, but the people are alive and that’s in part thanks to the soldiers that keep the grimm from eating them all. The rest? That’s due to Penny, a symbol of hope that Ironwood gave to the people. He learned that from this conversation with Ozpin. 

“In his FIRST appearance he'd had ozpin removed from the tournament staff with secret meetings.” - It’s not Ironwood’s first appearance. He meets with the inner circle, has his talk with Ozpin, introduces his Atlesian knights to the public, attends the Beacon dance, discovers Ruby fighting Cinder, later compliments Ruby for her initiative in Ozpin’s office, confides in Glynda that night, and helps defend Vale against Roman’s attack. So your implication that as his “first” appearance this tells us he’s really an irredeemable person is not accurate. 

Second, I’ve seen this claim a lot the last couple of months and I finally went back to find/watch the scene for myself (it’s in “Breach”). These were not secret meetings. Ironwood “reported” to the council which I assume is what he’s supposed to do. Given that he is a Headmaster. And this is the council overseeing the schools. Keeping updated is their entire deal. Were these reports fair to Ozpin? We don’t know. You might assume they’re full of lies and horrible misrepresentations, but that’s not what the text tells us. Ironwood told the council Ozpin’s plans, then the council said, ‘No way are you holding the Vytal festival with those precautions alone.’ Then the council asked Ironwood to provide troops for additional security. Did Ironwood manipulate the council and paint Ozpin as a villain to get what he wanted? Maybe. Did Ironwood objectively say precisely what’s going on - Ozpin thinks his huntsmen are enough to keep everyone safe in the event of an attack - and the council, independent of him, came to the conclusion that it wasn’t enough? Maybe. Again, we don’t know. What we do know is that Ironwood is doing all this because he honestly believes it will help others. He begs Ozpin to understand that: “This is the right move, Ozpin. I promise I will keep our people safe. You have to trust me.” And you know what? He wasn’t entirely wrong. No one could have predicted that Salem’s minions would take control of his army. Ironwood did, however, predict that there would be an attack too large for a bunch of students to handle... and he was right. Beacon fell because a those half-trained kids weren’t enough to hold off a major attack, but Ironwood did everything he could to try and prevent that. In a slightly better world where his army wasn’t unexpectedly taken advantage of, that could have easily been what turned the tide of battle and saved Beacon instead. The world where everyone views Ironwood as a hero for providing those extra forces is just a smidge away from the world where everyone views Ironwood as a villain for inadvertently providing the enemy with those extra forces... but the forces themselves are not a black and white bad thing to have. Not in a world where your festivities are interrupted by the giant bird trying to eat the audience. 

“He was told many times his embargo was hurting the city” - Yes, the embargo hurts the city financially. Ironwood is attempting to keep it from being hurt in the ‘everyone is wiped out’ kind of way. Post the Fall of Beacon he’s unsure if the other Kingdoms will declare war against Atlas or not, so it’s not wise to continue giving them one of the easiest means of attack. That’s the official story, but Ironwood (and the audience) know that Salem has also been collecting dust for a while now... so how about we stop giving her any more? Was this the right move to make? Are short-term economic difficulties worth avoiding the risk of potentially supplying enemies with the means of destroying you? I can’t answer that, but it’s not a clear-cut bad decision like you’re making it out to be. Retroactively we can say that no one attacked Atlas and Salem seems to have stopped collecting dust because the writers forgot about it... but Ironwood doesn’t get to see into the future. He didn’t know things would turn out this way. Once again, he’s trying to prevent tragedies, not just survive them when they come along. The balance between short-term sacrifice and long-term protection is far from an easy thing to strike and a character’s failure to achieve perfection despite their best efforts says more about their luck than their morals. Ironwood is an incredibly flawed man, but those flaws have always shown throw via his attempts to help others. 

“He kept a woman on life support prisoner” - Are we talking abut Amber of Fria here? Either way that’s a gross misrepresentation of what happened and, frankly, does little to make me receptive to your other arguments. Amber was attacked, Qrow brought her back to the inner circle, Ironwood kept her alive so that the rest of the power wouldn’t immediately pass to Cinder (and, I would think, because this group isn’t in the habit of just letting friends die if at all possible). Fria was the Winter Maiden, she got dementia, and Ironwood had her live out the rest of her days in a facility so that a) no one murdered her, b) a Maiden with dementia didn’t wreak havoc on the city (we saw her powers go wild during the fight), and c) the power passed to an ally when she finally died. How do you know Fria was a prisoner? Was there a scene I missed where she said as much or, just as likely, might she have agreed to these precautions once her memory started to fade? Amber, meanwhile, was in a coma and unable to consent to anything. Ironwood did not kidnap her for nefarious experimentation, nor do we have any evidence that he held Fria hostage. That sort of thinking only makes “sense” when we’re already inclined to paint a character’s every action as morally corrupt. Is a 80 year old who keeps wandering into the street held prisoner because they were put in a home where they could be taken care of? That’s this with the added complications of “The 80 year old could kill everyone with magic. Or reveal to the world that magic exists” and “A lot of people want to kill this 80 year old” and “If they succeed the world is #screwed.” 

“His treatment of Robyn convinced a technically legal protest into an outright criminal” - Robyn is a criminal. Ironwood never stopped her from protesting. He required that she a) not spy on a classified project, b) not keep his men from working on that project, and c) not steal supplies meant for that project... all actions that are illegal. Honestly I’m not entirely sure what this phrase is saying. That Ironwood forced Robyn to become a criminal? If so, we once again need to discuss agency and how Character A doing something that Character B doesn’t like does not give Character B blanket justification for every horrible choice they might make. 

“Not to mention he abandons the best defense humanity has against the Grimm to keep some control” - I’m not sure what this is referring to either. What defense? The wall? Amity? Mantle? “To keep control”? That’s another incredibly simplified and subjective view of events. I’ve already done enough work on this blog to explain why, based on the group’s current knowledge, Ironwood’s plan is horrifying but also the best they’ve currently got. It’s not a grab at power, no matter how easy it is to paint it as that and move along. The morality of these actions is absolutely in question, but the motivation is not. We’ve seen no evidence - and a great deal of evidence against it - that Ironwood is simply out to maintain power.  

Nothing here proves that Ironwood would be willing to shoot an allied kid. “Ironwood did controversial things in the name of protecting others” does not equal “Ironwood is willing to murder an ally.” Rather, these things contradict because we’ve spent six volumes with Ironwood pushing every limit possible to help others, not attack them. Lists like these likewise ignore everything that Ironwood did which doesn’t support shooting Oscar: every conversation he’s ever had where he didn’t attack someone for disagreeing with him, every action he’s taken being in the service of helping others (even if there’s disagreement about how to best go about that), him flipping his gun around when Qrow (presumably) attacked him, reassuring the Vytal students that there’s no shame in running from the fight, confiding in Glynda, standing up for Weiss, sending Yang her arm, being overjoyed to (he thinks) see Ozpin again, willingly training Oscar, choosing to trust RWBYJNR with both his plan and the relic, listening to them later about Robyn and telling the council about Salem, destroying his arm to protect the people, choosing arrest rather than, I don’t know, just trying to straight up kill Team RWBY for daring to say no to him. Because isn’t that the Ironwood you’ve described above? Someone who won’t hesitate to do anything to get what he wants, even murder? It’s a compelling character, but I don’t think we’ve seen that character anywhere prior to Volume 7′s finale. That character is the opposite of who we had before. When things get tough, stressful, and traumatic the show has said, time and time again, that this is how Ironwood treats his allies

So it’s a bit jarring to suddenly go, “Never mind. He shoots them now.” 

[alorenawrites]

Thoughts on Loki, Gender, Sex, and Identity

So...I've seen a few posts on transphobia embedded in Loki and I wanted to examine my own thoughts on this a bit. I'm not going to dig too deeply, just hit on a few of my thoughts on the matter regarding my own positionality as a demisexual, demiromantic, bisexual, nonbinary, gender funky human.

To begin, my own relationship to sex and gender is complicated, based on my own experiences. I'm fine with people not having this same interpretation because of differences in experience and I'm not going to sit around and listen to anyone bombarding me with statements about how wrong they think I am. Go write a post with relevance to your own experience and please don't shit on mine. The purpose of this is to share my own thoughts on this matter, not to get into an argument. I have enough real-world stress regarding these things and don't need them on Tumblr as well.

I've seen the argument that Loki is gender fluid and it is wrong to say he is sex fluid or that sex fluidity is a way to undercut or deny the validity of gender fluidity. I don't see it this way. To begin, we don't actually see Loki display gender fluidity, even though shape-shifting is clearly within his skill set. MCU Loki shifts into Sif once in The Dark World, but other than that, there is little evidence outside of his word at this. I know those creating this story did refer to him as gender fluid, but I question whether those who stand outside that fluidity might not be as well-versed in how gender fluidity comes in a myriad of experiences. I am fine with the idea that perhaps Loki still uses traditionally male pronouns while in other shapes. I am not considering comic interpretations of Loki in this, as there are so many different storylines that I think they would be hard to sum up into this character. And it is fine if you don't see this the same way.

In myth, when Loki transforms into a maiden during the marriage of "Freya" (Thor in disguise) to Thrym, the book I reference (Neil Gaiman's retellings of the myths) does, at one point, refer to Loki as "he." When the mythological Loki transforms into the mare to lure the horse Svadilfari away from the builder of their wall, the references to the mare indicate "she" (and it is worth noting that in this retelling, the mare is never referred to as Loki by name), but when Loki returns he is referred to using male pronouns yet still as Sleipnir's mother.

In the television show, Loki's file lists his sex as fluid. As gender and sex are entirely separate, I took this into consideration as a part of what defines a Loki- they may change physical sex. I did not see an entry for gender on the file. I may have missed it. But to me, the lack of listing gender and the inclusion instead of sex leads me to believe that the TVA doesn't much care for the gender of a variant, but rather the body in which they are most likely to inhabit. In this case, it would seem that knowing if a Loki is more likely to appear as a physical type without regard to pronouns or gender might be considered more important data than gender identity and pronouns. I examine this as someone who has to handle grant data that requires a sex marker in the demographics- not a gender identity, but an assigned-at-birth or otherwise legally documented sex.

I don't see these two things as mutually exclusive or an erasure of one another. I would see it as a way for the TVA to try to classify a variant without regards to any sort of identity. After all, if Lokis are destined for pruning, who cares how they see themselves? It's not like they are going to have an extended conversation with them- process them, judge them, prune them.

In the context of the Lokis we meet, and the note that they haven't met a female Loki, I do wonder why they haven't met one yet. Is it because they don't catch every Loki that comes through? Is it because they themselves have only ever experienced being Loki as men and and haven't assumed otherwise? I don't know. But I don't see it as impossible to explain, either. How many Loki variants have come through? And how many haven't survived? We don't see every variant in the Void that we see in Mobius' briefing holograms. Who didn't make it, and who is missing? Yes, the comment that she "sounds terrifying" could be read as incredibly sexist, but at the same time...Lokis grew up with stories of the Valkyrie, powerful warrior women who they likely looked at with awe, wondering why these towers of strength were no longer with them. The Valkyrie predate them and are mythic figures- we see how Thor reacts to meeting one of these warriors in Ragnarok. Given that this line comes from Loki the Elder, someone who leans into the power of sorcery and the capabilities of magic, wouldn't it make sense that the combination of these skills would seem terrifying? A warrior of the legendary capabilities of the Valkyrie combined with the might of a Loki sorcery? I mean, I'd probably think the same thing, and I think this is possibly one reason why the variant Loki we come to know would agree with him- she has been jumping through time, surviving apocalypses that likely terrify him, enchanting anyone she needs to use, and she can run circles around him. Given the tonal shift in the delivery of the line "and she needs me," I interpret this as the blustering Loki does when he wants to feel more important than he really is- he's trying to justify why he needs to find her to someone else (and possibly to himself) instead of just saying it's because he cares deeply about her and wants to know what the hell that means. Sylvie can clearly take care of herself and doesn't really need rescue. He wants to feel important enough to go back and to convince the others he is as well. That she could render him irrelevant is something that would be terrifying to someone who craves attention and affirmation.

Mobius says that the most common iterations of Lokis look like the one standing before him, yet Loki does encounter a variant file from California in the early 20th century that refers to Sylvie. So the TVA knows that there is a rare chance that a sex fluid Loki could exist (and they have, presumably, pruned them). While I wish this had been explored further, I don't necessarily see it as a transphobic intent. Did it resonate that way with some people? Yes. And that's fine. Their feelings on the matter are valid.

Another element of my interpretation of this comes from my own experiences of gender expression. Most of the time during which I have been out as nonbinary, people have read my gender as a woman. I like my long dresses and I have an extensive collection of vintage women's clothing. I also have a decent collection of corsets and well-tailored suits that fit my body type. I don't bind my chest. My hair varies from very short to as long as it will grow (not far past my shoulders). I occasionally wear eyeshadow, regardless of what gender I am on any given day. I very rarely read masculine and when I feel neutral, I still don't bother to alter my body shape, only sometimes choosing a bra or bra tank top that decentuates my curves (which, granted, aren't dramatic). So the concept of a gender fluid individual choosing gendered pronouns and reading as male during the (relatively short) time in his lifespan during which the audience knows him doesn't seem odd to me, as it is how I've existed (and I, too, used gendered pronouns for a few years on my nonbinary journey- they were a default while I searched for something that suited me better). But I have known nonbinary people who have exclusively used gendered pronouns and it does not invalidate their gender identity, nor does gendered expressions of that identity. The concept that we would only see a male presenting Loki doesn't seem very odd because I have lived a stretch of my life during which I, too, presented a very femme gender expression and used traditionally female pronouns. But that did not make me less nonbinary.

And, of course, this is assuming that gender fluidity is part of his identity, which we are never told in the text of the story. I reject that everything a creator says must be added to the text of a piece of media simply because the piece also has to stand on its own and be interpreted on that level as well. We do know that Loki shifts sex, which makes sense for someone who shifts bodies, as sex is tied more to bodies than gender is.

The point in this is that we can't assume the gender of a fictional character, just as we can't assume from appearance the gender of a living human. I may read as a woman, but this is not my gender identity and no one should be assuming that my clothes are meant to project gender. Reducing gender to an outward and bodily expression of sex is not something with which I am comfortable, and it seems that some people are conflating the two in their interpretation. Again, your experiences may differ from mine and it's fine to see this in another way.

But here's another very important thing this show can demonstrate. Allow an anecdote. My children watched this show with me. My son is nearly 7, my daughter a few months from being 10. She is very femme- loves makeup, frilly dresses, dolls, princesses, My Little Pony, the whole shebang of activities stereotypically associated with the childhood of girls. At this point in her life, she very much asserts that she is a girl. The same goes for my son- he very much asserts himself as a boy. When we were watching together, we talked about Loki being gender fluid, just like their Mum. We talked about Loki being bisexual, just like their Mum. They understood that just because Loki looks one way, it doesn't mean he is that way...again, just like their Mum. There is power in the idea that some of us are in this same position- we are assumed to be cisgender based on our appearances, but our identities are more complex than that. I thought this was a good window for my children to see through and one I could turn into a teachable moment about all the different sorts of people there are in this world. This is the blessing of imperfect media- we can find ways to learn from it and to share opportunities in it for open interpretation with those around us. And the lesson of not jumping to conclusions about gender or sex based on appearance is a deeply important one for young children to understand.

Is this an area in which I have a problem with the show? No. Does this mean the show couldn't have done more or better? Also no. We do need a variety of types of representation. But seeing the possibilities of this being someone a little more like me (though alas, I can't shift shape)? That was nice.

Hopefully we can see more of this in the future, but if we don't, we can create transformative works to fill in the gaps. It's what fan communities have always done and will continue to do. When I fell into fandom years ago with Harry Potter, long before the movies were all out, so many works were there to add queerness, racial diversity, language diversity, disability representation, all of it, into the series. It didn't stop us from still enjoying what it meant to us in those times and places and I don't think we have to outright reject this show for the imperfections we see in it. It can still thrill us and speak to something in us we've been lacking.

And in my case, that is the affirmation of wearing traditionally gender coded clothes while still asserting my pronouns are ze/zir/zirs and my gender is nonbinary, though also gender fluid, gender optional, or gender funky and that my oft-assumed-to-be-hetero relationship makes me no less bi or any other piece of my complex relationship to sexual orientation (and sharing that affirmation with my kids).

[lligkv]

almost calculated to rivet the reader

I was recommended the book The Bestseller Code: Anatomy of the Blockbuster Novel by another editor at the publishing house I work for, who was impressed at the thought of an algorithm that could predict whether a book would be a bestseller with 72 percent accuracy.

As someone who reads “literary” novels, has a disdain for tech evangelists bordering on the visceral, and regards the development of data-driven publishing with mistrust, I expected to be annoyed by the book. But it’s ultimately not quite as offensive to those sensibilities as it might seem. Rather than a “code” to help people write novels that’ll sell, or an algorithm of some kind that might drive book acquisitions in years to come, The Bestseller Code is about exploring why bestsellers like The Da Vinci Code or Fifty Shades of Gray appeal the way they do. And it offers support, through text mining (the process by which one discovers and extracts particular textual features from a book) and machine learning (the way one might process those features by feeding them into a machine that goes on to make predictions about, say, whether a given manuscript will achieve bestseller status or not), for research that was already done by folks like the scholar Christopher Booker, who read hundreds of books over decades, the old-fashioned way, and identified seven main plots for fictional narratives that authors Jodie Archer and Matthew Jockers find are corroborated by their own data.

Granted, there’s a bit of Jennifer Weiner-type “the commercial lit popular authors write keeps getting badmouthed by critics and the Literary Establishment!” stuff in the book. There’s also one baffling moment where Archer and Jockers make a claim that “the range of existential experience was much greater in bestsellers,” and defend that claim by talking about particular verbs that appear more often in bestselling novels than in non-bestsellers: “bestselling characters ‘need’ and ‘want’ twice as often as non-bestsellers, and bestselling characters ‘miss’ and ‘love’ about 1.5 times more often than non-bestsellers.” Verbs and isolated actions do not existential experiences make! But at root, Archer and Jockers’s research is the product of curiosity about what makes mainstream bestsellers sell the way they do, and whether readers have figured something out that acquisitions editors at big houses may not have yet.

As it turns out, there’s a degree of technical sophistication in Fifty Shades of Grey or The Da Vinci Code in the way these books follow a plot arc that manages to perfectly satisfy a commercial-fiction reader’s desire to be thrilled by dramatic stories and the fantasies they play upon. Specifically, for these books, it’s the “rebirth” plot, in which a character experiences change, renewal, and transformation. Which doesn’t sound revolutionary. But if you look closely at the plot structure, and the sequence of emotional beats in both novels, you see a rollercoaster shape that’s almost calculated to rivet the reader: these peaks of high, low, a high-high, a mild low, another smaller high, a low, and a final high (unless, like Fifty Shades, you need another low to set the reader up for the sequel). Authors and readers alike seem to have stumbled on such perfect, sophisticated structures. The writers happen upon them, rather than consciously being educated in them or consciously crafting them as more literary writers often do; readers seem to hunt them out by instinct: the books that best follow one of the seven plot structures are the ones that rise to the top.

There’s also one moment in The Bestseller Code that’s genuinely affecting, in the context of a discussion of Maria Susanna Cummins’s novel The Lamplighter, which in its time was scorned by Nathaniel Hawthorne and James Joyce. As Archer and Jockers put it, bestsellers and commercial novels are set in emotional terrains, more so than public ones. That is, they’re about their characters as they feel and act, within a world that’s taken as a given, rather than what novels classified as “literary” are often about—characters having to navigate a sociopolitical world that is itself a subject for the author’s comment, or an author’s self-aware exercise of and experimentation with language. And these novels “work for huge numbers of readers not because of what they say to us but what they do to us.” As such, these novels “need no shaming”: they just exist on a separate plane from the literary ones.

In the end, I didn’t mind getting this dispatch from that plane. I make occasional trips to other such planes: sometimes I’m in the mood for, say, Joe Abercrombie’s brand of fantasy, and I’ve read all the Harry Dresden novels; I also love some books that are the literary equivalents of summer blockbusters, like the Expanse series. But I know I won’t descend to the bestseller plane very often—and I do consider it a descent. To my mind, craft and thrill alone don’t give novels the most merit. I don’t read just to be entertained or to be moved, which is what bestsellers offer. I read in order to be made to think, in precisely the ways those literary, public-terrain, sociopolitical novels make me think. And I value them because they linger. They don’t just do things to me, work on me, crash over me like a wave and then recede; they speak to me, just as Archer and Jockers say, and what they say to me lives inside me for years to come.

What’s more, I already suffer enough with the tendency to “identify” with the characters in books I read without venturing into ones that indulge or depend upon that instinct as bestsellers do.

Finally, while Archer and Jockers’s algorithm does a fine job anatomizing bestsellers in a way that speaks to the merit they do have and the function they do serve, I don’t know that I’d trust its recommendations even if I were a passionate reader of bestsellers, considering the book the algorithm picked as the absolute best representation of what it considers a bestseller is Dave Eggers’s The Circle.

Which does reinforce that what an algorithm can’t understand is context. What keeps The Circle from being a bestseller, to my mind, is that the conceit—a woman who goes to work for a tech firm and is schooled in the particular inhumanities she needs to adopt in order to succeed in that increasingly human environment—is not the most engaging. The story may be too close to a specific reality, as opposed to the everyday worlds (e.g., in John Grisham, Jodie Picoult, or Danielle Steel) or the heightened settings (e.g., in The Da Vinci Code or Fifty Shades) in which bestsellers are best set. Perhaps the world in which The Circle takes place is so specific, and its concerns so urgent, that it doesn’t even need to be fictionalized to be of most interest; it seems that representation of Big Tech in memoir, like Anna Wiener’s Uncanny Valley, does better in the marketplace. And finally, Eggers himself is more a literary than a commercial author, something buyers of commercial fiction might be mindful of and trust less than one of the established names in the bestseller market. And he represents a different, past era in even literary fiction. We’re not in the age of the “Brooklyn Books of Wonder” anymore—the humorous triumph over adversity, the twee search for meaning and for love that characterized books of a certain time in the early 2000s. Really, all Eggers’s attempts to succeed beyond that trend—Zeitoun, What Is the What, The Monk of Mokha, A Hologram for the King—seem to me to have been tepidly received. The culture has moved on from his particular moment, and it moves in vogues an algorithm can’t always track.

I’ll also say that, seeing how Donna Tartt’s The Secret History, another book I reread recently, did so well in its day, and how it holds the fuck up—the plot and writing remain absorbing, and the atmosphere as seductive and pleasurable as ever; and that it gets namechecked so often in trends like dark academia suggest teens are exercising their beautiful prerogative to learn all the wrong lessons from that book to this day—I’ll say it’s a safe bet you can write a literary bestseller too, if you wanted to.

*

Anyway. Perhaps you’re reading this piece hoping to learn how to write a bestseller yourself. If so, here’s the skinny:

Keep your primary focus on two or three themes. And keep those themes basic. Archer and Jockers list ones like “kids and school”; “family time”; “money”; “crime scenes”; “domestic life”; “love”; “courtrooms and legal matters”; “maternal roles”; “modern technology”; “government and intelligence.”

Make sure your book has a central conflict—and make sure your protagonist is an active agent in that conflict and in her life generally, knowing what she needs and going for it, acting and speaking with a degree of assurance. Characters in bestselling novels grab, think, ask, tell, like see, hear, smile, reach, and do. Characters in lower-selling literary novels, on the other hand, murmur, protest, hesitate, wait, halt, drop, demand, interrupt, shout, fling, whirl, thrust, and seem.

Shape your story to fit one of the seven archetypal plotlines the authors identify:

A gradual move from difficult times to happy times

The reverse, a move from happy times to more difficult ones

A coming-of-age story or rags-to-riches plot

A “rebirth” plot in which a character experiences change, renewal, and transformation

A “voyage and return” plot in which a character is plunged into a whole new world, experiences a dark turn, and finally returns to some sort of normalcy

Another “voyage and return” plot in which the character herself voyages into the new world, fights monsters, suffers, and finally completes some sort of quest

A story in which your protagonist overcomes a villain or some threat to the culture that must be eliminated so she can change her fortunes back to the good

And make sure you time the emotional beats of your story to follow the curve of your plotline. For instance, The Da Vinci Code and Fifty Shades both follow the “rebirth” plot, and the respective authors ensure the arcs of the romances in both books match the curve of the plotline too, keeping the reader hooked in a way that’s, ultimately, structural.

Be sure to pepper your plot with scenes in which characters are intimate in casual ways. Much is made in The Bestseller Code of the intimacy reflected in a tactic John Grisham uses in a couple of his novels, which is to have his protagonist go over to a love interest’s house with wine and Chinese to just hang out and let her in on how he’s feeling.

Sex that doesn’t drive the plot forward doesn’t go over well. Avoid it. Even in romance novels (as opposed perhaps to erotica), sex is usually in service of the storyline.

Seek for a balance between features in your prose that speak to the more literary, refined style that often comes from institutions of education and letters, and the more journalistic, conversational, everyday style of writing one might intuitively associate with commercial fiction (shorter sentences, snappier prose, with more conversational and casual writing, more words like “okay” or “ugh”). These aren’t especially rigorous categories, I’m aware. Just use your best guess; you’ll probably be fine.

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG168!

- Yay for Oliver! From the announced title I had suspected The End and/or him because of his veins/roots/tendrils/not-tentacles, so that one wasn’t misleading!

Most of the episode was an audio pun on “Roots”/“Routes”: both the veins, and the reference to a Corpse Road. I’m… not sure about the double-meaning, though (since usually, titles refer both the core of the “statement” and something happening in the metaplot) – obviously, the “roots” were The End’s, they were almost a character by themselves (we could hear them creaking in the background alongside the whispers, a reminder that… they could grow. They could invade other domains when they would need); and the system presented by Oliver could (as he explained) come out of his domain to invade others’ in the search for more victims, which is how this universe could potentially end… but is there an additional meaning that could apply in Jon&Martin’s discussion, or in Jon’s decision to not go after Oliver?

(Regarding Martin: jealousy associated to “roots” makes me think of Corruption, though I don’t subscribe to the idea that Martin is being supernaturally OOC right now (I see how he could potentially be led towards bad choices, but I don’t feel like he’s under an influence right now outside of his own feelings). But I wonder if one of the meanings of “roots” will make sense in retrospect…)

- I was a bit sad to not hear Oliver himself but:

* Jonny, once again, did an amazing job at nailing the intonations and inflections of Oliver’s VA for the character; so, yes, it wasn’t directly Oliver, but we could hear when it was him directly addressing Jon, when it was the “statement” form, and when it was back to Jon.

(* Though I have a tiny sliver of doubt regarding the final “Report ends” afterwards: was it Oliver’s, making fun of Jon’s “statement ends” in the same way that Simon did after he got compelled to blurt out his life story after Martin prompted him? Interestingly, Oliver hadn’t joked about the “statement ends” in MAG121, though he already knew a lot about Jon and his dreams back then, and made it obvious in MAG168 that he knew more than us about Jon’s current state and how he functions (calling him The Eye’s “archive”, and pointing out that Jon can “only take”, which… yeah, feel like that will be relevant later). Or was it Jon saying the “Report ends.” to gain back a semblance of normalcy and making light fun of Oliver’s way of organising his “report” and/or trying to distance himself from what Oliver was saying, reminding himself that it was a subjective statement and that whatever Oliver says is to take with caution since he’s above all an agent of his own patron, however convinced and convincing he may sound? I feel like it was Jon saying that “Report ends.”, given how his voice sobered up, but both could make sense in their own ways…)

* Funnily, it makes sense for Oliver to give his “statement” in this fashion! Because, so far, he had never directly communicated with an Archivist in a situation that would allow reciprocity: he gave his statement to the Institute, while watching Gertrude in the next room (MAG011); he gave his statement to Jon while Jon was in a coma, so unable to answer him (MAG121); and now, he gave his “report” about his domain through Jon, addressing it both to The Eye and to Jon (… but is there a difference at this point?). In all cases, he was unreachable. So now, it feels even more significant that the only person he has ever interacted with on tape was End-touched Georgie, and that she managed to exchange words with him…

- Given how Oliver gave this “report” to Jon, that the “I” was clearly Oliver… What does it say about the narrator of previous statements? Were the “I”s in those the domains or the Fears themselves, talking through Jon?

… If that’s the case, what is exactly happening with the tape recorders, who are gorging themselves with these new forms of statements and apparently freeing Jon from the weight of them…?

(And who was the narrator in MAG167 then? The Eye itself?)

- Laughing so hard because Oliver’s background (MAG011: “I’ve lived in London for almost a decade now. I came here to do my undergraduate degree at the London School of Economics. I ended up taking a position with Barclays shortly after graduating and did well enough there.”) showed so much in the way he organised his ~report~ (not a “statement”, not a “terror”, but a “report”, Oliver wanted to be SPECIAL, uh…):

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. 1 – Coroner I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. 2 – Coroner’s legal powers […] 3 – Investigation and inquest […] 4 – Circumstances of the death […] 5 – Coroner’s concerns […] The matters of concern are as follows. a) […] b) […] c) […] d) […] 6 – Actions that should be taken […] 7 – Your response”

Organised, classified, taking an example to illustrate… and even: doing something else than the subject of his report. It wasn’t a report “to prevent future deaths”. It was a report “about” future deaths and how they couldn’t be prevented. Oliver, please.

- Handsome Man Of Many Aliases:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “First off, I should admit that I lied to get in here.” […] ARCHIVIST: I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. Unsurprisingly, he came up with nothing. Antonio Blake is a fake name and all of the contact details he provided were similarly fraudulent. It’s almost certainly a joke, a bit of hazing for the new boss, maybe? Best not to engage with it, I think.

(MAG121) OLIVER: So… My name is Oliver Banks. In my other statements, I used the name “Antonio Blake”, but I don’t really think either name has much meaning for me anymore. […] I’m Antonio. GEORGIE: Sure.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “1 – Coroner. I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored.”

… jumped on the Apocalypse occasion to get himself a fancy title, “Coroner”. With the interesting point that a coroner goes back through time to investigate someone’s death, backwards, while Oliver reads the death forwards, as in how it will happen.

- I find the way Oliver referred to Jon really interesting:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Hum… Hello, Jon. Do you… m–mind if I call you Jon? I… I mean. You don’t actually know me, it’s just… well. “Archivist”, it’s so… formal, isn’t it? And I do kind of know you…?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’.”

He used to go with “Archivist” (as a title) and Jon. The “Jon” was clearly a callback to the time he had visited Jon in the hospital (pushing towards casual sympathy? At the very least, reminding him of the last time Oliver had chosen to call him “Jon”, and why he had visited him in the first place), but calling him The Eye’s “Archive” is new on all levels: first time that Oliver calls him that way, and first time that anyone except Jonah called him that way.

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Because the thing about the Archivist is that… well: it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named “the Archive”. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon – you are a record of fear. Both in mind, as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement; and in body, as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.”

So, as much as I had a few reservations about the content of what Oliver was seeing/predicting… it’s true that he knows a lot, about Jon and about how he functions, what he is right now in the grand scheme of things.

* Also: once again, The Eye’s Archive. Not Jonah’s. Jonah is irrelevant. “The Magnus(’) Archive” is not applying to this season so far.

* … Interesting that, although Oliver had directly mentioned that the “Spider” had pushed him to come visit Jon in MAG121, there was no mention at all of any Web activity in this one, as if it was also irrelevant/wouldn’t be able to do anything noteworthy to change the planned course?

- I really love how Oliver tried to sound professional and respectable and kind of… objective about everything?, and at the same time, absolutely went into “My Patron Is Better Than Yours” territory:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! […] I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. […] I make this report under no “authority”, no “regulation” or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. […] a) When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors. b) This place has a limit, on the fear that can be generated from them, as their pool is necessarily finite and ultimately, however slowly, it will be exhausted. To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… “bad feeling” between those domains. […] However slowly, the domains of Death will be removing sufferers from a closed system. However many thousands of years may be experienced in the meantime… eventually, this world will be left barren and empty. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. […] The End does not fear its own cessation, for it is the certainty and promise of all life, however strange, that it will one day finish, and that includes its own stark existence. It shall be the last and, when the universe is silent and still forever, it shall perhaps, in that impossible moment before it vanishes, finally be satisfied.”

* That condescending tone towards the other Fears, and the fact that they do not truly deliver death (as it would mean losing their victims), but My-Patron-Is-Better-And-A-True-One so The End has to deliver what it promises. (Does that confirm that, for example, Richard-the-human-worm respawned or was still “living” in a way after Sam went through him?)

* … My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will go after the others to get access to their pools of victims, to find new ones.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will feed from them since The End will come after their victims and dry them out of victims, and they can do nothing about it.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Beholding so it could grow even stronger than it even though Beholding is the current ruler and had reality reshaped to have it on top of everything.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Everything so it will celebrate its own death, since Ending Itself after having ended everything means that it will have accomplished its true purpose.

(* Bonus “I-Am-My-Patron”, so Jon killing him would just be fine in the order of things, too.)

Like. WOW, Oliver, wow. Really fond of your patron, aren’t you, down to making it like a “challenge” to The Eye.

- Confirmation that The End’s domain lies both in the fear of death (since Danika had served it her entire life), but Oliver insisted pretty much that it also requires actual death to function/to work with its nature.

… So, I’m torn about what degree of credence to give Oliver. On the one side: it goes very well with the message Jonny keeps repeating (including in his gaming streams or in The Mechanisms universe) that “all things end”, that nothing can last forever – it’s what Oliver directly told Jon, it works. It could be the programmed annihilation of this world, whether we (the audience) get to witness it or not: I’m still thinking that The Extinction could come into play and wipe out everything, but if no other Change/cataclysm happens, it could go this way, with this world gradually, slowly dying, because at the core of it, it contained its own doom (the Fears have free reign and can never be truly satiated, so they’ll dry out the whole world without caring about creating a long-lasting “ecosystem”. They don’t know how to preserve, only to consume).

On the other hand, Oliver was extremely adamant about the fact that it would happen, but… has no proof that it will?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “In exactly thirteen stretches of the root on which Danika travels – a stretch being measured in the waves of nauseating terror that flow out of her with such rhythmic regularity – she will finally arrive at her destination. […] I watch, as with each motion, each laboured, reluctant movement along her path, Danika Gelsthorpe is painfully, and inescapably aware of what it is that lies at the end of it. She tries to move backwards, off to the side, any direction other than that unstoppable, inescapable forwards. But her limbs seize up with the attempt. She tries to stay still, but can do so only with the most incredible of efforts. To eke out another few seconds of stasis sets every nerve in her body aflame with agony and effort, begging her to scream, despite her jaw being set in a frozen rictus of sombre mourning. I see her relive the coming moment of her inevitable demise. […] When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors.”

The “thirteen stretches” sound like a clear references to the 13 Fears used in Jonah’s incantation (the fourteenth, The Eye, being supposed to rule over the others) and/or the fact that it requires 14 “points” to work (thirteen stretches meaning that there are fourteen points between the beginning and The End), but what I’m more interested is that… there are still thirteen stretches for Danika to travel. What if there is actually no way to travel a whole stretch, because it keeps stretching and getting longer, just because death has to be a horizon that is, by nature, forever elusive, even though Oliver is convinced that it must be a reachable goal since he believes in his patron? (Plus: how come The End will be able to touch other domains when necessary? Wouldn’t it just collapse on itself and disappear on its own, without first putting a dent into others?)

I’m not sure! On the one hand, it works well as a programmed ending, makes sense, and Oliver and The End have displayed time and time again that The End deals in certainty (and Oliver kept repeating that word); on the other hand… as he said, he’s absolutely loyal to his patron, now. Of course he would feel like The End makes the most sense in this world, that the cycle it functions in will keep going, that the same rules apply, that The End will even surpass The Eye. It all feels very subjective. So… we’ll see.

(But given that uncertainty: it feels to me like precisely, we won’t get that scenario, we won’t know for sure that it would have worked this way, because something else will happen. Something that won’t prevent all things from “ending”, but in different circumstances than the current ones…)

- What about Georgie, in the order described by Oliver, though? Given that the rules have changed, and if people are only able to die in The End’s domain by fearing their death, what would happen if the last human standing doesn’t “fear”?

- That puts to mind Peter’s explanation to Martin about why, according to him, The End had not attempted to carry its ritual, and how it was distinct from The Extinction:

(MAG134) PETER: There are two Powers that, to my knowledge, have never attempted to fully manifest, never had followers set them up for a ritual: Mother-of-Puppets, and Terminus. The Web, and The End. The Web, I’ve never really been sure about: if I were to guess, I would say it actually prefers the world as is, playing everyone against each other, and so on. The End, on the other hand… The End doesn’t really need one: it knows that it gets everything eventually, so why bother. The End manifesting would not be a new world of terror; it would be a lifeless world. Devoid of everything. MARTIN: … Including fear. PETER: Exactly. It has no reason to truly attempt to enter our world, it’s… passive. But The Extinction… The Extinction is… different. It’s active. It will seek to create a lifeless world, in a way that none of the other Powers ever would. Some interpretations suggest it might replace us with something new, that can then fear annihilation in turn. But I and those like me would rather that did not happen.

Not that passive given that Oliver mentioned that his domain would go after others’ to get a new supply of victims, when necessary (and that it would the one to upset the current equilibrium), and that Oliver was actually participating in spreading in patron’s fear by warning about the end to come, but!

- Interesting bit is that The End and Oliver have a relationship with time that seems to tie present and future close together (“The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.”), with The End being the only and absolute future possible, while Beholding… doesn’t. It has access to past information, to events currently happening, but Jon pointed out that his powers couldn’t access the future:

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted. MARTIN: And will she? ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know, th–the future, th–that’s… that’s not something I can see.

Nice contrast, which makes sense, but also: Jon is special, even for an agent of Beholding, something that Oliver seemed to imply (“But know that, even you, will all your power, cannot keep the world alive forever.”). What can Jon do, in this new reality, besides turning predators into preys and being untouchable for the monsters…?

(I’m also squinting at Oliver’s words, because it could imply… that Jon is currently the only thing keeping the world “alive”, right now?)

- … If Oliver is right, though, laughing forever that Jonah, who feared death the most, would have BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF:

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I beg you, do not pursue this goal; if only a single lesson may be gleaned from my life of long study, and longer hardship, it is that the fear of Death is natural, and to flee from it will only bring greater misery. Repent of your sins, Jonah. Seek forgiveness. I am certain the Dread Powers cannot take a soul that keeps faith in the Resurrection.”

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Why does a man seek to destroy the world? It’s a simple enough answer: for immortality, and power […]; to place yourself beyond pain, and death, and fear. It is an awful thing to know about yourself, but the freedom, Jon, the freedom of it all…! I have dedicated my life to handing the world to these Dread Powers, all for my own gain, and I feel… nothing but satisfaction, in that choice. I am to be a king of a ruined world, and I shall never die. I believe there are far more people in this world who’d take that bargain than you would ever guess. And I have beaten all of them.”

… since his invocation also invited “[all that] dies”. He could have gone with “all that fears to die” or something like that, allowing for a loophole, but he specifically called for all that “dies”.

Jonah.

Jonah, you’re so effing stupid.

(- Re: Jonah, it’s delightful that… he has not been mentioned at all by other monsters/avatars (Annabelle, Helen, the Not!Them) so far. Oliver didn’t either. When it comes to establishing who caused the apocalypse, they’re fully crediting Jon and/or pointing out his relation to The Eye:

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG165) NOT!SASHA: Well, of course you want to wallow in my shame like your voyeur master!

(MAG166) HELEN: And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

And yes, obviously, Jon was manipulated into doing it, didn’t willingly and knowingly cause it! But it’s hilarious that they’re all “Who?” about Jonah’s whole existence; he… seems absolutely irrelevant to the whole apocalypse deal although he tried to take credit for it. I wonder in which state we’ll meet him and/or if he will be able to express himself in any way – so far, I’m banking on him either being the Panopticon (having merged with the building) or being wrapped in cobwebs.)

- Interestingly, Oliver seemed to credit some level of sentience to the Fears themselves?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… ‘bad feeling’ between those domains. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. The others may take what actions they wish; they may plot and plan and tear themselves apart in an attempt to separate from the fate that they know they cannot escape; but they will fail.”

I could expect the avatars/monsters to panic and try to sustain themselves, but the Fears/domains themselves…? (And once again: that phenomenon is very reminiscent of the way Peter described his own fear of The Extinction, as something that could eradicate him and other Fears/avatars…)

- AHAHHA about the image that when Danika would have travelled through the “thirteen stretches”, she would reach the end/The End and die… because that suuuuuure seemed reminiscent of Jon&Martin’s current travels, having to travel through (13) domains in order to reach The Panopticon, without knowing what would happen then.

Not ominous at all.

- I am… really interested in Oliver’s mention that Jon now “may only take”, combined with the fact that Oliver directly called him The Eye’s “Archive”. Specifically since, in MAG121, Oliver had highlighted Jon’s ability to extract statement:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Sorry to go on…! I’m… I don’t talk to many people these days. Putting my thoughts outside myself, it gets a bit… mm… clumsy. Be easier if you could talk back, right? Ask me questions and just have it tumble all out. But no. It’s… it’s just me. Wish there was a better way, but… Touching someone’s mind, it’s not… as simple as that, is it? Doesn’t always make things clearer, y’know? Still. I gave the old woman a statement so, maybe I owe you one as well. That’s… how it works, right? Give you a terror, give you a dream. ’s not like I don’t have them to spare.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “I make this report under no ‘authority’, no ‘regulation’ or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”

The circumstances in season 5 have changed, we’ve seen that in the way Jon is managing the new “statements”: he has to let them out, he gets liberated from their weight once they have “poured out of [him] down into the tape”. He can only delay the moment he does it for a very short while, he has to do it when they reach a domain. The only exception has been in MAG167, when he gave a statement about Gertrude and her assistants, which was (at least partially) prompted by Martin’s questions.

So we see a difference between “Archive” and “Archivist” as of now with the statements. We’ve also seen Jon using his powers to “know”, prompted (Martin asking him questions in MAG164) and not (Jon knowing about Annabelle’s phone call in MAG167).Witht the exception of channelling The Eye’s powers to turn a predator into a prey, his abilities now seem mostly passive, but I wonder if it will mean something more, regarding his status as an “Archive” (and if Annabelle is planning to use that)…

(… Concrete question too: is Jon still able to compel, nowadays?)

- There are some bits of Martin’s words that made me go “!” because it implies that he had discussed with Jon about these matters beforehand:

(MAG168) MARTIN: Okay… [FOOTSTEPS] I mean… Well, I don’t like this place. ARCHIVIST: Once again, Martin, that’s… [CHUCKLING] sort of the point…! MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, I know, alright, I get it, it’s just… it’s more than that. This place, what did you call it, the… th– … the “Rotten Core”? ARCHIVIST: The Corpse Roots. MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, that. Well, it… It feels… [SIGH] I don’t know, it feels like it’s– ARCHIVIST: Waiting. MARTIN: Yeah! [CREAKING SOUND] Waiting. [SILENCE PUNCTUATED BY THE WHISPERS] This is the one with the, em… the Death guy, isn’t it? ARCHIVIST: This is Oliver Banks’s domain, yes. MARTIN: … So it’s him who’s waiting. […] Alright, fine, yes, yes, I am jealous, alright? Yes, if you absolutely must know! ARCHIVIST: Because he woke me up. MARTIN: [SPLUTTERING] I was there weeks, and nothing. He talks to you for five minutes, and suddenly you’re back on your feet, and bouncing around like a, like a spring chicken! ARCHIVIST: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] I mean, that’s really not– MARTIN: I mean, what’s so special about him, that you wake up for him and not me, hm? [CREAKING SOUND] Enlighten me.

* “Rotten Core” is MAG157’s title; it’s Adelard’s last message to Gertrude, that was put on Jon’s desk together with the tape of Martin&Peter’s conversation about going down in the tunnels, the association of the two prompting Jon to panic by realising that Martin was probably manipulated into something that didn’t actually have much to do with The Extinction. “Rotten Core” in itself never appeared in Adelard’s email (could have been the subject of it, though?) and, officially, we still don’t know who sent that statement to Jon (Jonah didn’t take credit for that one, neither did Martin or Peter, so… probably Annabelle). But Martin using the phrase seems to imply that he has been filled in about it – did Jon&Martin talk about The Extinction, since the end of MAG159?

* Martin already knew that the “Death Guy” had woken Jon up, so… Jon has explained what happened, too. Unless Martin heard the other tapes during season 4? (And Jon remembered about it and about the fact that it was specifically Oliver who woke him up: this is the first time he has acknowledged that.)

So! They have been exchanging information offscreen!

- I’m HOWLING at petty/jealous Martin.

I didn’t feel like it was toxic or dangerous or OOC at all – Martin [INORDINATELY PLEASED] Blackwood has… quite often been portrayed as incredibly petty and jealous when it came to Jon:

(MAG088) BASIRA: I just, I mean he was good company. Y’know, when he wasn’t being a paranoia machine. He was funny, you know? MARTIN: What, Jon? BASIRA: Yeah. MARTIN: I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell a joke. BASIRA: Maybe you weren’t listening. MARTIN: Right. Well, I’m sure it’ll get sorted out when DAISY brings him in and you can probably talk to him then. Oh! Sorry, I forgot you’re not actually with the police any more, are you.

(MAG106) MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] Right, well… The jury’s still out on Elias. And anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you. BASIRA: Hm. I dunno, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist. MELANIE: Aaah…! I got the exact same, when Jon was hiding out and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff. Martin was not impressed. BASIRA: Huff. That boy needs to relax. MELANIE: Or at least find someone else to fuss over.

When MAG121’s case number had been revealed (not in Early-Access, but on the public release), there had been many laughs about the fact that Jon had woken up on February 15th, and how much would it suck for Martin to think that his tearful begging from the trailer migt have happened the day before, on Valentine’s Day, only for handsome mlm Death Prophet Oliver Banks to waltz in and get Jon to wake up instantly? So I’m laughing very hard that yes, Martin is INCREDIBLY and irrationally jealous about it, about not having been able to be the one to wake Jon up like in cheesy romance movies.

… the part that does worry me, however, is how lightly Martin seems to be taking the whole “Kill Bill” thing, and how much of it was being jealous over someone Jon had “needed” help from (not so long after Annabelle made a dig at Martin for the fact that he wasn’t feeling useful to Jon right now). I feel like most of the exchange had Martin caricaturing himself a bit, or at least being aware of how silly he sounded, though? And it felt to me like his insistence towards Jon explaining his reluctance to murder was for Jon to, well, explain what is bothering him about it (outside of an ethical question, there is also the fact that Jon… might feel like if he were to do that to avatars, then other avatars/people would be entitled to do the same to him. Which, honestly? Fair. Jon attacked and wrecked innocent people for his own benefit in season 4. If they decided that, even though he has stopped now, he still has hurt people, still is a monster and still needs to die, the same logic could apply.)

There is indeed an absolute disconnect between Martin’s solution (“smiting”) and the tone/enthusiasm/casualness with which he offers it, and it could be rooted in his own feeling of uselessness, the fact he wants to take revenge over those who hurt him and Jon… So I don’t feel like he’s being supernaturally manipulated, but I’m definitely worried that he could take risks and/or make a veryyyy bad decision while trying to prove that no, he can be “useful”…

- ! Jon sounded SO FOND and so amused at Martin’s jealousy! His insidious “Martin~?” and audible smiles! “My husband is a bitch and I love him” feeling, overall.

I like that the exchange seemed well-handled for both of them: Jon naturally standing his ground and pointing out that Martin’s logic was absolutely childish (“Look, Martin: I am sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to kill a man just because you’re jealous.”), without sounding accusing either; and Martin ultimately relenting (“Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable.”). They were two idiots in love, Martin being a bigger idiot this time around, but! Idiots.

- Really curious about how Martin will react if they cross paths with Simon or Daisy. Would he encourage Jon to “smite” them too? Or would he be more ambivalent, a bit torn about it? Why has he reacted differently towards Helen – is it strategical, and he just wants to try to use her as long as he can? Is it because he identifies her as the woman he had seen in the corridors, and still feels guilty about not trying to help her then?

… I’m terrified of how he will react if they cross paths with Jared or Jude, however. Jared terrorised him and caused him to accept Peter’s offer, and Jude hurt Jon deeply, something Jon has a very obvious mark to show for. (Same with Jonah: I think that for Martin, it’s clear in his mind that they’ll “smite” Jonah once they reach the Panopticon. I’m not convinced that, after what happened with the Not!Them, Jon would want to do that anymore: if some monsters and avatars didn’t really have a “choice”, then what about Jonah? At which point did he go rotten, irredeemable? What’s the difference between him and Oliver, who’s currently diversifying the way he’s torturing his victims in his domain “for variety”? Is it only Jon’s personal feelings about whether someone helped him a little bit or ensured his personal misery?)

(- ;; Now that Martin has a connection to Oliver through his jealousy… What if Martin’s ending is to lose Jon and then join Oliver’s domain to at least get an exit and cease to be…?)

- I’m a bit more concerned about what is happening in Jon’s head. First off, the way he presented Oliver, as someone who had “helped” him… versus the way he used to describe his “choice” to wake up:

(MAG121) OLIVER: The thing is, Jon, right now, you have a choice. You’ve put it off a long time; but it’s trapping you here. You are not quite human enough to die, but – still too human to survive. You’re… balanced on an edge, where The End can’t touch you, but you can’t escape Him. I made a choice. We all made choices. Now, you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I don’t know, Martin. [FOOTSTEPS] I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. [CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. MARTIN: Wow. What a hero.

Back in MAG136, Jon wasn’t sure he had made a good decision; it was put into perspective when we learned a few episodes later that, at this point, Jon had already attacked three people to feed, without letting the others know. Trolley problem: was it right, for Jon not to die, if it meant sacrificing three people (soon-to-be five) to sustain himself? Was it a “good” choice?

This episode, Jon unnaturally presented it as Oliver having “helped” him by waking him up, which, mMMM. Seems like he has made his peace with that choice – which, on the one hand, good because less self-deprecating (it’s normal to want to survive), but on the other hand, there would be reasons to still feel guilty for making it, given the consequences?

I’m not really surprised about Jon expressing a degree of sympathy towards Oliver, or at least pointing out that their degree of “choice” in their transformations bears similarities, given that Oliver’s story, his first dreams, the power inflicted on him, came with a gradual desensitisation and acceptance. Chronologically, Oliver’s story is that of someone who gradually stopped fighting fate and came to embrace his Fear-patron (a turning point being when he lost someone precious to him).

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “It was there, sleeping on my friend Anahita’s sofa, in the depths of my misery, that I first started to have the dreams. […] These dreams have been a regular part of my sleeping for about eight years now. Even as life improved and I found a new job and place to live – believe it or not I now work selling crystals and tarot cards in a “magic” shop – they continued to crop up a few times each month.

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “How many months has it been like this? Was there a time before? There must have been. I remember a life that was not itching, not fear, not nectar-sweet song. I had a job. I sold crystals. They were clean, and sharp and bright and they did not sing to me, though I sometimes said they did. We would sell the stones to smiling young couples with colour in their hair. I remember, before I found the nest, someone new came. His name was Oliver, and he would look at me so strangely. Not with lust or affection or contempt, but with sadness. Such a deep sadness. And once with fear.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: And about two years before I came to your Institute, something happened – something I didn’t want to talk about. Didn’t even want to think about. I… [SIGH] I started to see them when I was awake.

(MAG042, Jennifer Ling) “The sign above didn’t have an obvious name, simply reading ‘Crystals. Books. Tarot’. He was tall, black and careworn, deep lines of worry etched into an otherwise handsome face. When he saw me looking at him, he began to walk up to me, still with that intense look. I took a couple of steps back, and asked if I could help him. He shook his head as if unsure what to say, then asked me what I was listening to. A chill ran over me as I realised he was staring at my ears. I said I wasn’t listening to anything, as I wasn’t wearing headphones, and asked him what he wanted. He shook his head again, and mumbled something about protecting my hearing. He turned away then, and started walking back into the shop.”

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “This worked fine until I saw my father in the dream, walking down Oxford Street, the pulsing veins climbing up his leg and into his chest. I tried to warn him of course – asked leading questions on his health and how he was feeling, whether he’d been tired recently. I even went so far as to book him a doctor’s appointment, much to his annoyance. It did no good, though – ten days later the heart attack came for him and, despite the rapid response of the paramedics and how much of his medical history I had immediately to hand, there was nothing I could do to save him. He died on New Year’s Eve, and as 2014 ended, so did any hope I had of my dreams doing good in the world.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Wish I… knew why I came here. I s’pose there’s only so long you can dream about someone, and not at least try to find them. That was it with the old woman too. That was different, though. Way I figure it? She stuck her nose in just about everywhere it wasn’t wanted and stirred up hornets. ‘Till all the precautions in the world couldn’t stop Death from finally catching her. If I’d’ve known more back then, I’m… not sure I would’ve bothered trying to warn her. Still. You live and learn, don’t you?

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “I’m well aware that I don’t even know your name, and I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you. Based on my previous experience, such a thing is likely impossible anyway, but after what I saw I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try. I did as much research into your Institute as possible, and arranged an appointment to provide a statement about some spurious supernatural encounter. Even then I was told that the Archivist only reviews the written statements once they have been taken, so here I am, pouring out my lunatic story on paper in the hopes that you might eventually read it. If you do see this in time and read this far, then to be honest I don’t know what else to tell you. Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least you should look into appointing a successor. Good luck.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Mmm… Let me tell you about how I tried to escape. […] It’s been almost ten years since I first started dreaming about the deaths of others, seeing those… awful veins crawling into them. Into… wounds not yet open, or… skulls not yet split. People who were about to die. Every night, I’d watch as they’d… sneak up and into folks about to choke on blood, or urging into hearts about to convulse. I’ve… come to terms with it. [DRY LAUGHTER] I’ve learned to live with it! […] And the worst part was that somewhere in me, I… I liked it! Underneath all that awful fear, it felt… like… home. […] I wanted to escape. I… needed to. […] At that moment, a sudden calm came over me. I understood it all. I could follow the line of the huge veins that encased the ship down into the water, leading off to a point almost a mile from the South-East. There. That was it. That was our fate. Where we would always be. Because I was going to take us there. Running was pointless. To try and to escape from my task would only serve to fulfil another. I finally understood what I needed to do.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. I have no power to stop it, and even if I did… I would not do so; for to rob a soul of death is as torturous as its inevitable coming. […] And I shall help, ushering on this final, blank emptiness. Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned. But I am too much of my patron now and my feelings cannot help but reflect the shadows of… anticipation that lurk within the grave. […] And so the scope of my domain is yours…! Enter it and destroy me if you wish. I fear the annihilation you would gift me as little as I desire it. I am now, as the thing I feed, a fixed point, that has neither the longing nor the ability to change its state of existence. […] All – things – end, and every step you take, whatever direction you may choose… only brings you closer to it.”

[Dates-wise: Jennifer Ling left her statement in November 2013 and events were about the previous month; given Oliver’s reaction, he was already seeing the veins when awake back then. Jane Prentiss left her statement in February 2014, so she had met Oliver before he lost his father. “Antonio” left his statement in March 2015; Oliver visited Jon on February 15th 2018.]

It has been around eleven years, by the date of the apocalypse, for Oliver to reach this current state in which he describes himself as “The End that laces through every fibre of my soul” and “too much of my patron”. It only took Jon three years.

Though, overall, I was back at the feeling of the MAG140s episodes with the words/thoughts Jon has for victims and avatars:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: A lot to think about. I… I feel… [FOOTSTEPS] No. I don’t want to destroy Oliver Banks. It wouldn’t do any good. I know that, and he never asked for this any more than I did. I feel badly for those that exist in his domain, o–of course, I do, but… At least, their suffering will be over, eventually. I can’t destroy everyone I cross paths with, it… [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]

* Stfu about deciding what is “better” for victims, Jon. (As a personal choice, yes, I would probably prefer the prospect of dying over eternal torment; HOWEVER, it’s not Jon’s place to establish what’s better for others, so Jon trying to rationalise his decision to go after Oliver? Nop, I don’t care, own up to your feelings, don’t scramble for excuses by saying you think it might be more ~charitable~ :<)

* Oliver who “never asked for this any more than I did” also explained very casually that:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”

He’s not a passive jailor. Oliver is actively enjoying tormenting his victims in different ways “for some small variety”.

I thiiiiink more and more that Jon might now be targeting the whole Fear-system, and not (anymore) the individual avatars/monsters who were pushed and twisted by the Fears to become their servants, as he had begun to think about in the second half of season 4 (“I was so sure I’d find something up there. But instead, it was just another broken person trying to come to terms with the wreckage of their life.” about Manuela, lamenting over Jane, etc.) But that brings us back to that awkward stage where it feels to me like Jon is almost more humanising avatars/monsters currently hurting their victims, than the victims themselves who are just… there, and not extremely relevant.

(I’m reaaaally really really curious about how Jon will behave towards Jonah.)

- … I’m also a bit concerned that Jon deciding that Oliver’s victims at least get to die implies something bigger: that Jon is… giving up on the idea to reverse/undo this apocalypse. If these people die, they die, it’s over. Which means that, right now, Jon doesn’t think he has a better alternative to offer them. He had hopes at the end of MAG162, he got a few hints in MAG164 about how to banish the Fears; he… might already be giving hope of fixing things, without officially voicing it?

  MAG169’s title screams Desolation to me (+ bonus Agnes, with the way she got anchored to Gertrude and/or her death), and that could mean Jude (… which would be extremely interesting right now, given Martin “Kill Bill” Blackwood’s willingness to harm monsters/avatars; what could go possibly wrong with making him meet someone who physically hurt Jon, leaving a mark to show for it on one of his hands? So much). There is also a potential connection to the Distortion, and in way that could mean bad stuff (and Jon and/or Martin having to go through the door). Potentially Jon’s lighter being put to use, or Jon&Martin getting a clue about why Jon was gifted it?

Alternatively, if the meaning is more oblique and meant to subvert expectations: Vast stuff?

[megashadowdragon]

itsclydebitches

With respect, Ironwood brought an army to deal with a covert threat. In his FIRST appearance he'd had ozpin removed from the tournament staff with secret meetings. He was told many times his embargo was hurting the city, he kept a woman on life support prisoner and his treatment of Robyn convinced a technically legal protest into an outright criminal. Not to mention he abandons the best defense humanity has against the Grimm to keep some control. Shooting a dissenter seem very in character

sent by anonymous

“Ironwood brought an army to deal with a covert threat” - For which he was suitably chastised by Ozpin. It’s a whole conversation in “Welcome to Beacon” and, back when RWBY was doing a better job of handling these complex issues, that conversation gives weight to both sides. Ironwood isn’t trying to, idk, take over Beacon or something with his army. He wants to be prepared in order to help people. “I’m just being cautious.” Ozpin points out that scaring everyone won’t help, but notably the story acknowledges that Ozpin’s preferences are far from full-proof. “Do you really believe your children can win a war?” Can you prove to me that the kids we’re training will be enough when the shit hits the fan? Ozpin doesn’t have an answer. He dodges answering by saying only that he hopes his kids won’t have to fight, not that he has unwavering faith that they will win. Then Beacon falls. Ozpin dies. Ironwood is left alone with an entire kingdom to keep safe and I think it’s worth acknowledging that he did that. Mantle is far from perfect, there’s a lot there to fix, but the people are alive and that’s in part thanks to the soldiers that keep the grimm from eating them all. The rest? That’s due to Penny, a symbol of hope that Ironwood gave to the people. He learned that from this conversation with Ozpin.

“In his FIRST appearance he’d had ozpin removed from the tournament staff with secret meetings.” - It’s not Ironwood’s first appearance. He meets with the inner circle, has his talk with Ozpin, introduces his Atlesian knights to the public, attends the Beacon dance, discovers Ruby fighting Cinder, later compliments Ruby for her initiative in Ozpin’s office, confides in Glynda that night, and helps defend Vale against Roman’s attack. So your implication that as his “first” appearance this tells us he’s really an irredeemable person is not accurate.

Second, I’ve seen this claim a lot the last couple of months and I finally went back to find/watch the scene for myself (it’s in “Breach”). These were not secret meetings. Ironwood “reported” to the council which I assume is what he’s supposed to do. Given that he is a Headmaster. And this is the council overseeing the schools. Keeping updated is their entire deal. Were these reports fair to Ozpin? We don’t know. You might assume they’re full of lies and horrible misrepresentations, but that’s not what the text tells us. Ironwood told the council Ozpin’s plans, then the council said, ‘No way are you holding the Vytal festival with those precautions alone.’ Then the council asked Ironwood to provide troops for additional security. Did Ironwood manipulate the council and paint Ozpin as a villain to get what he wanted? Maybe. Did Ironwood objectively say precisely what’s going on - Ozpin thinks his huntsmen are enough to keep everyone safe in the event of an attack - and the council, independent of him, came to the conclusion that it wasn’t enough? Maybe. Again, we don’t know. What we do know is that Ironwood is doing all this because he honestly believes it will help others. He begs Ozpin to understand that: “This is the right move, Ozpin. I promise I will keep our people safe. You have to trust me.” And you know what? He wasn’t entirely wrong. No one could have predicted that Salem’s minions would take control of his army. Ironwood did, however, predict that there would be an attack too large for a bunch of students to handle… and he was right. Beacon fell because a those half-trained kids weren’t enough to hold off a major attack, but Ironwood did everything he could to try and prevent that. In a slightly better world where his army wasn’t unexpectedly taken advantage of, that could have easily been what turned the tide of battle and saved Beacon instead. The world where everyone views Ironwood as a hero for providing those extra forces is just a smidge away from the world where everyone views Ironwood as a villain for inadvertently providing the enemy with those extra forces… but the forces themselves are not a black and white bad thing to have. Not in a world where your festivities are interrupted by the giant bird trying to eat the audience.

“He was told many times his embargo was hurting the city” - Yes, the embargo hurts the city financially. Ironwood is attempting to keep it from being hurt in the ‘everyone is wiped out’ kind of way. Post the Fall of Beacon he’s unsure if the other Kingdoms will declare war against Atlas or not, so it’s not wise to continue giving them one of the easiest means of attack. That’s the official story, but Ironwood (and the audience) know that Salem has also been collecting dust for a while now… so how about we stop giving her any more? Was this the right move to make? Are short-term economic difficulties worth avoiding the risk of potentially supplying enemies with the means of destroying you? I can’t answer that, but it’s not a clear-cut bad decision like you’re making it out to be. Retroactively we can say that no one attacked Atlas and Salem seems to have stopped collecting dust because the writers forgot about it… but Ironwood doesn’t get to see into the future. He didn’t know things would turn out this way. Once again, he’s trying to prevent tragedies, not just survive them when they come along. The balance between short-term sacrifice and long-term protection is far from an easy thing to strike and a character’s failure to achieve perfection despite their best efforts says more about their luck than their morals. Ironwood is an incredibly flawed man, but those flaws have always shown throw via his attempts to help others.

“He kept a woman on life support prisoner” - Are we talking abut Amber of Fria here? Either way that’s a gross misrepresentation of what happened and, frankly, does little to make me receptive to your other arguments. Amber was attacked, Qrow brought her back to the inner circle, Ironwood kept her alive so that the rest of the power wouldn’t immediately pass to Cinder (and, I would think, because this group isn’t in the habit of just letting friends die if at all possible). Fria was the Winter Maiden, she got dementia, and Ironwood had her live out the rest of her days in a facility so that a) no one murdered her, b) a Maiden with dementia didn’t wreak havoc on the city (we saw her powers go wild during the fight), and c) the power passed to an ally when she finally died. How do you know Fria was a prisoner? Was there a scene I missed where she said as much or, just as likely, might she have agreed to these precautions once her memory started to fade? Amber, meanwhile, was in a coma and unable to consent to anything. Ironwood did not kidnap her for nefarious experimentation, nor do we have any evidence that he held Fria hostage. That sort of thinking only makes “sense” when we’re already inclined to paint a character’s every action as morally corrupt. Is a 80 year old who keeps wandering into the street held prisoner because they were put in a home where they could be taken care of? That’s this with the added complications of “The 80 year old could kill everyone with magic. Or reveal to the world that magic exists” and “A lot of people want to kill this 80 year old” and “If they succeed the world is #screwed.”

Nothing here proves that Ironwood would be willing to shoot an allied kid. “Ironwood did controversial things in the name of protecting others” does not equal “Ironwood is willing to murder an ally.” Rather, these things contradict because we’ve spent six volumes with Ironwood pushing every limit possible to help others, not attack them. Lists like these likewise ignore everything that Ironwood did which doesn’t support shooting Oscar: every conversation he’s ever had where he didn’t attack someone for disagreeing with him, every action he’s taken being in the service of helping others (even if there’s disagreement about how to best go about that), him flipping his gun around when Qrow (presumably) attacked him, reassuring the Vytal students that there’s no shame in running from the fight, confiding in Glynda, standing up for Weiss, sending Yang her arm, being overjoyed to (he thinks) see Ozpin again, willingly training Oscar, choosing to trust RWBYJNR with both his plan and the relic, listening to them later about Robyn and telling the council about Salem, destroying his arm to protect the people, choosing arrest rather than, I don’t know, just trying to straight up kill Team RWBY for daring to say no to him. Because isn’t that the Ironwood you’ve described above? Someone who won’t hesitate to do anything to get what he wants, even murder? It’s a compelling character, but I don’t think we’ve seen that character anywhere prior to Volume 7′s finale. That character is the opposite of who we had before. When things get tough, stressful, and traumatic the show has said, time and time again, that this is how Ironwood treats his allies

iron-and-ice I never thought I’d see people referring to Ironwood providing comfortable protected residence to an elderly woman in possession of magical WMD powers as ‘imprisonment’. Fria, unlike other ‘good guys’, understood what her duty was. Vol 7 MVP, undisputed.

[newstfionline]

Headlines: Saturday, October 3, 2020

An ‘Awe Walk’ Might Do Wonders for Your Well-Being (NYT) Consciously watching for small wonders in the world around you during an otherwise ordinary walk could amplify the mental health benefits of the stroll, according to an interesting new psychological study of what the study’s authors call “awe walks.” In the study, people who took a fresh look at the objects, moments and vistas that surrounded them during brief, weekly walks felt more upbeat and hopeful in general than walkers who did not. The findings are subjective but indicate that awe walks could be a simple way to combat malaise and worry. They also underscore that how we think and feel during exercise can alter how the exercise alters us. There already is considerable evidence, of course, that exercise, including walking, can buoy our moods. Past studies have linked increased physical activity to greater happiness and reduced risks for anxiety, depression and other mental ills. Feeling a sense of awe also seems to up our overall feelings of gladness and improve health. A somewhat nebulous emotion, awe generally is defined as the sense that you are in the presence of something larger and more consequential than yourself and that this something is mysterious and ineffable.

Trump flown to military hospital (AP) Stricken by COVID-19, a feverish and fatigued President Donald Trump was flown to a military hospital Friday night where he was given remdesivir following treatment with an experimental drug at the White House. The White House said Trump’s expected stay of “a few days” at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center was precautionary and that he would continue to work from the hospital’s presidential suite, which is equipped to allow him to keep up his official duties.

Americans Increasingly Believe Violence is Justified if the Other Side Wins (Politico) At the presidential debate this week, the Republican candidate voiced his concern about political violence—left-wing political violence. And the Democratic candidate likewise voiced concern about political violence—right-wing political violence. They were both right. Our research, which we’re reporting here for the first time, shows an upswing in the past few months in the number of Americans—both Democrats and Republicans—who said they think violence would be justified if their side loses the upcoming presidential election. This growing acceptance of the possibility of violence is a bipartisan movement. Our data shows that the willingness of Democrats and Republicans alike to justify violence as a way to achieve political goals has essentially been rising in lockstep. Here’s what we’ve found: Among Americans who identify as Democrat or Republican, 1 in 3 now believe that violence could be justified to advance their parties’ political goals—a substantial increase over the last three years. In September, 44 percent of Republicans and 41 percent of Democrats said there would be at least “a little” justification for violence if the other party’s nominee wins the election. Similarly, 36 percent of Republicans and 33 percent of Democrats said it is at least “a little” justified for their side “to use violence in advancing political goals”—up from 30 percent of both Republicans and Democrats in June.

Number of Americans who have no trust in mass media hits record high (Gallup) At a time when Americans are relying heavily on the media for information about the coronavirus pandemic, the presidential election and other momentous events, the public remains largely distrustful of the mass media. Four in 10 U.S. adults say they have “a great deal” (9%) or “a fair amount” (31%) of trust and confidence in the media to report the news “fully, accurately, and fairly,” while six in 10 have “not very much” trust (27%) or “none at all” (33%).Gallup first asked this question in 1972 and has continued to do so nearly every year since 1997. Trust ranged between 68% and 72% in the 1970s, and though it had declined by the late 1990s, it remained at the majority level until 2004, when it dipped to 44%. After hitting 50% in 2005, it has not risen above 47%.

California milestone: 4 million acres burned in wildfires (AP) California is poised to hit a fearsome milestone: 4 million acres burned this year by wildfires that have killed 30 people and incinerated hundreds of homes in what is already the worst fire season on record. Flames have scorched an area larger than Connecticut and fire crews at a blaze in the northern wine country were on high alert as forecasters warned of red flag conditions of extreme fire danger into Saturday morning. Winds up to 30 mph (48 kph) were forecast to push through the hills in Napa and Sonoma counties as the Glass Fire, exploded in size earlier in the week, continued to threaten more than 28,000 homes and other buildings. “It’s a time of nervousness,” said Paul Gullixon, a spokesman for Sonoma County.

Hope in the haze (Poynter) In mid-September, as fires spread across Oregon, photojournalist Beth Nakamura headed to an evacuation site in Springfield. The air was thick with smoke at Springfield High School thanks to the Holiday Farm Fire. She found tables set up with food and clothing as she walked around, getting a sense of the site. Outside, behind the bleachers and onto the field, she saw something else. Belle, Batman and Superman were playing recess games. “It was like a mirage,” Nakamura said. The story she wrote the next morning captured that. “Against the backdrop of this grim, bewildering landscape, Belle sits on a bench and, with cheer and calm, begins to read. ‘All of us in this castle were put under a strange spell some years ago by a powerful enchantress,’ she tells the child seated next to her. ‘I’ve seen you in the movies,’ the young girl says, transfixed.” Amid staggering catastrophe, people are everywhere helping people. At a Holiday Farm fire evacuation site, a few dressed up as characters to comfort & entertain children.

Hundreds of earthquakes continue to rattle Southern California, USGS says (Sacramento Bee) Swarms of earthquakes continue to rattle the Salton Sea area in Southern California, with more than a dozen sizable quakes since midnight, the U.S. Geological Survey reported Thursday. Most of the tremors are below 3.0 magnitude, but a few earthquakes registering over 4.5 magnitude have been recorded, the USGS reports. The agency had recorded at least 240 quakes by Wednesday night. The quake swarms “are located in an area of diffuse seismic activity between the San Andreas fault in the north and the Imperial fault to the south,” the USGS says. Previous swarms happened in 1991 and 2012. The swarm most likely will continue for several days, possibly including quakes up to 5.4 magnitude, but there’s a slim chance of a major earthquake registering 7.0 magnitude or higher, the agency says.

New Layoffs Add to Worries Over U.S. Economic Slowdown (NYT) The American economy is being buffeted by a fresh round of corporate layoffs, signaling new anxiety about the course of the coronavirus pandemic and uncertainty about further legislative relief. Companies including Disney, the insurance giant Allstate and two major airlines announced plans to fire or furlough more than 60,000 workers in recent days, and more cuts are expected without a new federal aid package to stimulate the economy. With the election a month away, an agreement has proved elusive. The White House and congressional Democrats held talks on Thursday before the House narrowly approved a $2.2 trillion proposal without any Republican support. It was little more than a symbolic vote: The measure will not become law without a bipartisan deal. After business shutdowns in the early spring threw 22 million people out of work, the economy rebounded in May and June with the help of stimulus money and rock-bottom interest rates. But the loss of momentum since then, coupled with fears of a second wave of coronavirus cases this fall, has left many experts uneasy about the months ahead.

Subway’s bread (Foreign Policy) The Irish Supreme Court ruled on Thursday that the bread used by the popular fast food sandwich chain Subway can no longer legally be classified as bread due to its high sugar content, saying it is closer to a “confectionary or fancy baked good.” The case emerged after a Subway franchisee insisted it shouldn’t have to pay a value-added tax on the bread because it is a staple food, which doesn’t require the payment of taxes in Ireland. The law, however, states that in order for a food to be considered a staple, sugar cannot exceed 2 percent of the weight of the flour. Subway’s bread contains 10 percent sugar.

Europe moves to sue Britain over breaching Brexit withdrawal deal (Washington Post) The European Union launched legal action against Britain on Thursday, saying Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s attempt to rewrite the Brexit withdrawal agreement was “by its very nature a breach of the obligation of good faith.” In Brussels, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen said legislation now moving through Parliament was in “full contradiction” to Britain’s previous guarantee to avoid a hard border on the island of Ireland. The E.U. is now sending a “letter of formal notice,” which could lead to a legal showdown in the European Court of Justice. Britain has a month to reply. Government ministers earlier acknowledged that their domestic legislation would violate international law. A British government spokesperson said Thursday, “We will respond to the letter in due course.”

After 2 Years of Paralysis, Belgium Forms a (Very Fragile) Government (NYT) For nearly two years, Belgium has been without a formal government, leaving a country that was already divided by language and politics to endure a pandemic with lame-duck caretakers wielding emergency powers. A fragile coalition government finally took power on Thursday, ending one of the longest political stalemates in the Western world. Cobbled together from seven political parties, the partnership keeps a growing far-right movement at bay for now and should allow the country to finally pass a budget and consider a Covid-19 recovery package. But the transition, which is set to be formally adopted by lawmakers this weekend, is not without risk. The governing coalition is now so large that any disagreement has the potential to topple it. And ushering in a new government means forcing out the ministers who have overseen the pandemic response—at a time when infections and hospitalizations are rising.

France announces new coronavirus restrictions as covid-19 cases rise (Washington Post) The French government Thursday announced a set of measures it said it was ready to impose to contain a rapid resurgence of the coronavirus. For weeks, the country has relied on a regional system to implement restrictions in areas where transmission rates of the virus are high. On Thursday, Health Minister Olivier Véran said Paris could soon join the “maximum” risk category, which would mean another complete shutdown of bars, restaurants and cafes. Some cities, notably Marseille, are already on the list. Paris so far has avoided further restrictions since a lockdown was lifted in mid-May. But Véran said that in the last 24 hours, the capital crossed multiple thresholds that make it a maximum-risk environment.

Vatican snubs Pompeo (Foreign Policy) Pope Francis declined to meet with U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo during his visit to the Vatican on Thursday over concerns that doing so could drag him into the U.S. presidential election. “Yes, he asked [to meet with Francis,]” said Cardinal Pietro Parolin, the Vatican’s secretary of state, “But the pope had already said clearly that political figures are not received in election periods. That is the reason.” Pompeo has been pressing the Vatican to condemn China’s human rights abuses, especially in Xinjiang province. Despite not getting an audience with Francis, Pompeo still met with other senior Vatican officials, discussing religious freedom as well as their differences on China.

Harvest workers among COVID world’s last regular travelers (AP) Her hands were hardly visible, so quickly did they press the clippers before dropping grape clusters into red plastic bins. Some distance behind her, in the next row over, Italian students subbing in due to a pandemic-fueled worker shortage tried vainly to catch up. Alexandra Ichim had never worked in vineyards before traveling to Italy’s Lombardy region for the September grape harvest, known in Italian as the vendemmia—the pay is too low in Romania and the working conditions too harsh, she says. For the Italian work, the 20-year-old came on a 12-hour bus ride and returned by plane to her native Arad region when the harvest was done. Eastern European seasonal workers, led by Romanians, are considered essential to getting food on the table throughout the continent. Their willingness to work hard in uncertain jobs for lower wages is sought after abroad, and their income is desperately needed at home. At a time when travel for work is seen as dangerous for everyone, they are among the world’s last regular border-crossers. Around one in five Romanians works abroad. Italy is the top destination for 1.2 million of them, with France and Spain not far behind. Workers can make around 1,200 euros a month working eight-hour days during the vendemmia in Italy, versus around 700 euros for a month of 10-hour days in Romania.

Withdrawal or nothing (Foreign Policy) Azerbaijan has raised the stakes in its ongoing clashes with Armenia, demanding that the country withdraw from the disputed region of Nagorno-Karabakh as a necessary condition to restoring peace. “We have only one condition,” said Azerbaijani President Ilham Aliyev, “the Armenian armed forces must immediately and definitely leave our lands in full force. If the Armenian government complies with this condition, the fighting and bloodshed will stop.” Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, whose country has strong cultural and military ties to Azerbaijan, echoed Aliyev’s statement while pledging Turkey’s full support for its “brother country.” Meanwhile, the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights and a commander of Turkish-backed rebels in Syria reported that Turkey has facilitated the transfer of hundreds of Syrian fighters from Syria to Azerbaijan; the Turkish government denies the allegation.

Indian phones to have government software installed (Times of London) India is said to be considering a plan to make it mandatory for almost all new mobile phones to have government software pre-installed, raising the prospect of the state being able to closely monitor citizens. The proposal is part of a wider plan for the country to establish its own app store, independent of those offered by Apple and Google, according to The Economic Times, citing unnamed government sources. It would involve pre-loading government apps on to Android phones, which account for 96 per cent of the market in India. One such app is Namo, which allows supporters of Narendra Modi, the prime minister, to view videos of his speeches.

Coronavirus sparks Philippines online barter trade (Reuters) In the middle of a coronavirus lockdown in the Philippine capital, Grace Lagaday was struggling to breastfeed her newborn without milk storage bottles and nursing pads. With shopping centres shut and public movement restricted, Lagaday turned to a centuries-old method of trade with a new tech twist: online bartering. A search of Facebook barter trade groups found the supplies she needed for her baby girl and they were in Lagaday’s hands the next day, in return for bags of M&Ms chocolates and a jar of Nutella spread. “For a mom who gave birth during this pandemic season, bartering helped me find good deals for my baby.” Lagaday, who has since traded clothes hangers for five kilograms of rice and an electric mosquito killer for two litres of cooking oil, is among hundreds of thousands of Filipinos who have joined Facebook barter groups in recent months. Reuters has identified just over 100 barter groups, some with as many as a quarter of a million members, have sprung up since the Philippines’ main island of Luzon, home to half its 107 million population, entered a hard lockdown in mid-March that lasted two months.

[shellheadtm-a]

i’m stealing the idea of a topical mcu/616 differences list from @suprnovas because while i know i’ve done them before, they’re scattered and scattered brain and picking through it by topic is a good idea.  and this is more, obviously, for people who may not realize that 616 tony stark is an entirely different character from mcu tony, in terms of personality and the way his life has played out, and that’s important to me to point that out.

arc reactor / rt node - mcu tony had an arc reactor, a miniaturized nuclear battery, in his chest after afghanistan to keep the shrapnel out of his heart.  no such creature exists in 616 - instead, tony wore the chestplate of the original iron man armors (which were much different than the first iterations of the mcu armors) under his clothes and it required charging every so often to function as a fancy pacemaker.  there was a big to-do about tony getting the shrapnel out, using an experimental tissue transplant surgery ages and ages before anything glowy ever sat in his chest.  later he had the rt node, which while visually similar to the arc reactor served an entirely different purpose.  the rt node was also a nuclear battery/electromagnet combo, and served to power the iron man at the time (the bleeding edge), but it also served as tony’s brain in a lot of ways.  tony had both wiped his own mind and been beaten so badly by norman osborn he had severe brain damage.  the rt was the fine line between tony in a persistent vegetative state and tony upright and walking and talking.  while not a part of his physiology any longer, he had it for several years, considering until his complete body reboot it was the only thing working as the automatic functions of brain and removing it would literally kill him.

alcoholism - tony’s alcoholism is background in the mcu, and quietly just whisked away (and while a lot of that has to do with disney...).  however, in 616, tony’s alcoholism isn’t a once-mentioned deal and everyone goes on their merry way.  tony didn’t just “handle” it, he took that plunge from grace and hit rock bottom face first.  he spent some time broke.  homeless.  missing.  it’s a prominent feature of his character, once he gets himself in aa and sober, and it’s tested multiple times.  his sobriety is used as a bargaining chip.  people try and have exploited it for their own gain (notably obadiah stane and justine hammer, the original justin hammer’s daughter).  aa plays a big part in tony’s story, he does meetings, the steps, sponsors other people (notably carol danvers).  it’s not a quiet, hidden thing, it’s very public and very honest, and something tony is very frank about being a daily struggle.

obadiah stane - mcu obadiah was a father-figure to tony.  in 616, this isn’t even remotely close to the case, and instead he was absolutely villainous from the start, in the sense that he tried (and succeeded) to legally both maneuver tony’s company right out from under him and lay claim to everything tony had ever called his own.  he manipulated tony’s need for love and problems with alcohol to secure that.  he kidnapped literally everyone he could get his hands on that meant something to tony, from pepper to the baby of a friend he helped deliver.  and after he took himself off the playing field he still had a minefield laid for tony, in the form of tony’s entire fortune (sure tony inherited the company from howard, but every penny stane took tony earned himself) behind a wall of failsafes to keep tony out if certain conditions weren’t met.  tony ultimately succeeded, but it wasn’t a one and done deal, it was a massive climb up a mountain from the very bottom.  later, obadiah’s son, zeke stane, also came after tony.

pepper potts - you know how the mcu story goes, tony gets the girl, they get married, have a kid.  yeah, 616 didn’t happen that way.  616  didn’t happen that way so much that tony and pepper have literally never been in a relationship.  they pined after each other for years, sure, and pepper is literally one of the people tony cares about most in the world and always will, but they’re not in love.  pepper ended up marrying happy and while they had their issues ultimately they were still together at the time of happy’s death.  tony and pepper have slept together ultimately a grand total of one time, and that’s been that.  tony acknowledges that his role in pepper’s life is more overly protective best friend, not partner material.  pepper is super, super important to tony, but she’s not and probably never will be his endgame.  they aren’t like that.

extremis - in mcu, extremis is a mess.  a literal, whole-ass mess.  with a fake mandarin in the deal.  so here’s how it works in 616:  tony was the one (1) extremis enhancile that didn’t completely lose his marbles, and even then it can’t be said it didn’t cause some issues, as anyone who’s ever read the civil war storyline and his duration as director of shield will know.  tony’s version of extremis rewired his body from the inside out, literally.  he had a level of technopathy, a healing factor, he could literally tap into anything electronic he wanted to, connect to satellites, whatever.  it also made him cold, distant, and more than a little less human, with less control over his already prodigious temper.  it wasn’t a fun time.  it essentially turned his brain into a computer’s harddrive, and he used it exactly that way, to the point he was backing himself up in the chance it was ever needed (spoiler: he did).  pepper didn’t get extremis.  in 616 you literally have to have a special genetic marker, or it will kill you.  gruesomely.  and, put another, easy to parse way:  extremis basically made tony a technopathic steve rogers, a super soldier.

secret identity - the mcu has tony blowing off the idea of iron man as a bodyguard as ridiculous.  616 tony posed as his own bodyguard for years.  he kept that secret so close to his vest only a handful of people knew for years and most of the avengers weren’t on that list.  actually, the one who did know was thor, not anyone else you might think.  or...that knew because tony told them so.  lots of people caught a glimpse of it, or suspected.  he’s revealed and then covered up his identity numerous times, finally coming out officially and staying out as iron man during the fight over superhero registration.  while the whole world knows now that tony stark and iron man are one in the same, for the majority of tony’s time as the armored avenger, that simply wasn’t the case.

chitauri - chitauri were an mcu/ultimates thing strictly up until secret empire (which we don’t talk about in this house), when they were introduced into 616.  that battle of new york?  in the mcu?  yeah that’s kinda...normal, for 616.  it happens often enough that the world ending or aliens trying to invade or...look, 616 is entirely more perilous of a universe.  the battle of new york is actually a conglomeration of several elements from several different 616 and ultimates battles, including the nukes.  tony doesn’t have a fear in space because of things like that, he’s actually spent lots and lots of time in space, and notably with the guardians of the galaxy (of which he was one for a hot minute).

the avengers - mcu follows the ultimates storyline for the avengers, in that they’re formed by shield.  in 616, that’s not so much the case.  the avengers formed on their own, with an entirely different line up for the team, coming together as a group to fight loki and deciding that, overall, there’s something to be said about working together.  originally it was janet van dye and hank pym (who are tony’s generation - hope van dyne does not exist in 616, instead we have nadia van dyne, who is hank’s daughter that jan has claimed as her own), thor, bruce banner, and tony.  steve is not an actual founding member, he was grandfathered in and has all the perks because it’s captain america and you just don’t leave captain america in the cold.  shield had diddly fuck all to do with them, and has worked with them in the past, sure, but it’s always been a very uneasy alliance.  to the point that shield has tried to take over tony’s company at points.  the avengers are a free-wheeling operation, funded largely through donations, the maria stark foundation, and tony’s own personal fortune.  they’re peace-keepers, classified as a non-profit, and operate by their own by-laws and regulations, which if you’re really interested, you can find here.  the only thing i’ve personally added to that is section five, and even that has some basis in canon itself.

ultron - ultron was created by hank pym (giant man, ant-man, wasp, yellowjacket, goliath), not tony.  for very different reasons.  and he’s been a thorn in the side of the world since his inception, having caused the destruction of the world more than once that’s had to be fixed.  the living creature that is time in the 616 universe is so punched full of holes from having to do shit like this it looks like swiss cheese, let’s be honest here.  vision did ultimately come from ultron, yes, but his personality is based off of that of simon williams, a superhero in 616 known as wonder man.

avengers mansion / tower / compound - the avengers used to operate out of tony’s childhood home, which he opened up to that cause, 890 fifth avenue.  when that was destroyed, they moved to stark tower.  that’s been destroyed about a hundred times at this point.  currently the main team is operating out of the body of a dead celestial in the north pole.  616 tony stark would never lower himself to buying property in upstate new york unless it’s a cabin in the adirondacks, he’d buy (and has bought) property in new jersey first, and the avengers compound, such as it is, does not exist.

civil war - there is no such thing as the sokovia accords in 616.  instead, 616 had what’s called the superhuman registration act (shra for short) which required all superhumans to register their identities with the us government.  it was strictly us-based, for the record, and happened after nitro, a villain in 616 who can basically blow himself up like a bomb at will, did so in the town of stamford after being caught out by a group of superheroes known as the new warrirors for a reality tv show.  it was the final nail in the coffin for a lot of people about superheroes (which are a part of daily life in 616) and people were scared and wanted something done.  tony was pro-registration.  steve was anti-registration, and was especially hostile after maria hill opened fire on him.  they scrapped, and scrapped hard, in multiple public battles, until steve turned himself in when he realized not only was he literally about to murder a basically defenseless tony in the middle of a street (and what do you do when your best friend’s under you and tells you to “finish it” through his broken faceplate?) and that they, both sides, were just fighting to fight, instead of fighting for something.  on the way to his arraignment, steve is assassinated.  tony literally falls apart and loses his shit utterly and completely.  there’s a lot of awful things that happen that can’t be contained to a blurb.  and it all leads to the point where tony erases his brain and norman osborn lays siege to asgard, which is near the town of broxton, oklahoma.  it’s a mess, both more contained, and bigger, because the stakes are bigger and the number of players are bigger, and there’s a skrull invasion taking place behind the whole damn thing.  there are also approximately a million conspiracy theories, some people wondered if tony had something to do with steve’s death (he didn’t, it was red skull), and it’s since shaped the entirety of what it’s like to be a superhero in the world of 616 since, even if shra has been repealed.

captain america - is this really a tony blog without a special mention for steve rogers?  the mcu, once again, defers to the ultimates storyline (which is not 616) for steve, with shield handling the thawing and reintroducing steve into the world.  in 616, the avengers find him looking for the hulk and realize he’s still alive, and end up offering him a place with them, which obviously he ends up agreeing to.  there’s a lot of differences even with steve himself which i’m not going to get entirely into but he and bucky didn’t grow up together, bucky had fuck all to do with civil war for the most part, and tony and steve are literally attached at the hip.  tony literally has a captain america collection.  the cap collection is a thing, everyone knows about it, it’s not a secret, because captain america was tony’s hero before tony ever became a superhero.  there’s none of this tension right off the bat, steve ends up friends with tony and iron man before he knows they’re the same person.  they fight so hard because they love each other so hard.  they’re close, fullstop.  tony and steve have been leading teams together since almost the very beginning, and that’s that.  also steve and tony are literally almost the same age when steve is thawed from the ice; tony becomes iron man much earlier in 616.

bucky barnes - and while we’re at it:  bucky is a super soldier in the mcu, and there’s that whole mess with civil war and tony trying to kill him.  in 616 it’s the opposite:  bucky tries to kill tony.  tony talks him down and shows him the letter that was given to him from steve after steve’s death and offers bucky the shield.  bucky agrees.  bucky has intimate knowledge of the iron man’s inner workings and how to shut it (and effectively tony) off.  completely.  tony doesn’t remember any of this.   bucky is not a super soldier in 616, he’s literally just a dude with a metal arm and a plucky attitude who has a very unique skillset and was frozen for long periods of time.  he and tony have also been on a team together with bucky as captain america, and they’re friends outside of that.  tony does the arm maintenance that bucky can’t do, knows where bucky lives, knows bucky’s cat.  there’s none of this resentment there, they’re comfortable with each other.

physicality - this is a big one.  it’s what makes him and mcu tony at a glance glaringly different, because he’s so much taller and differently framed.  he’s huge and imposing in the suit, standing level with thor and at least half a head taller than steve.  outside of it he’s still unfairly tall, but built lanky.  he doesn’t build muscle mass the way other superheroes do, and tends to shed weight with a vengeance when he’s overly stressed.  and while disney princess eyes are a thing they both share, tony’s got that bonus striking combination of blue eyes and dark hair.  he’s also about a decade  younger than mcu tony, and looks a bit younger than that bc of everything he’s done to his body to enhance it (which is mostly all moot at this point, for the record).

personality - this is really the main thing with this.  the tony you see in the mcu is not 616 tony.  at all.  616 tony is actually a fairly serious character; he’s only occasionally flighty about his company, and when he is there’s usually some iron man/avengers motivation behind it.  he works.  he works hard.  and he’s known as a good man to work for, has good company morale, and takes a very micromanaging interest in everything his company does.  he also occasionally hides out in his workshop for weeks on end and has to be dragged out to see sunlight again.  he makes his jokes, he has some levity, but he’s more prone to rambling complete with flailing arms and technobabble with some philosophical footnotes than he is making nothing but solid pop culture references.  he has interests outside of the iron man, outside of engineering, and whole those are his passion, he’s a student of history and philosophy and art, and when he has time he plops down in front of dog cops just like the rest of the 616 universe.  he has unique vocal tics that are separate and distinct from mcu tony, that, while they both self edit, 616 tony is more obvious with it, stutters over words, gets stuck.  and then has a hard time unsticking himself.  he’s more sensitive; he’s less likely to give you an insulting nickname and reach instead for terms of endearment, and literally no one is safe.  he calls steve rogers beloved, for crying out loud, and steve doesn’t bat an eyelash at it.  he’s soft, and easily bruised, but he’s also steel spined and hot tempered.  when he’s angry, you’ll know it.  he’s also very kind, and very generous, and hates himself utterly and completely.  anyone who spends any amount of time around him realizes very quickly that the plastic i’m king of the world act is a facade.  tony will work himself down to the bone to make up for sins, real and imagined.  he overreaches in making decisions for other people.  and all around is probably a less appealing character in some ways - his flaws are very obvious and very human - but is in a lot of ways entirely more layered because there’s so much at work between his different masks and what’s underneath them all.  he’s the first to offer himself up as a sacrifice if it’s needed, and reaches for the worst case scenario first.  he’ll push people away because he thinks that will somehow save them, from himself and those he’s crossed.  he’s complicated, and his complications are not always easy or appealing or fixable.  there’s a truly ugly side to it that doesn’t get glossed over, and he’s willing to go so much darker if he considers it the right thing to do.

overall, there’s only some surface stuff between 616 and the mcu.  there’s a guy named tony stark who does duty as a superhero named iron man, but how they both got to the present day is completely different, and their lives and experiences are also completely different.  diving into 616 will be like...well.  culture shock.  and i’m gonna say it (even if i know the intake of breath on the 616 side is gonna be dramatic):  for people wanting to find a characterization more closely related to the mcu?  let me point you toward the ultimates runs. it’s kinda gross, but i have a soft spot for it and also it’s more narrowly related, you’ll see things that feel entirely more familiar, before jumping off into the crazy ass world that is 616, where things like steve rogers becoming a werewolf is just...tuesday.  the mcu takes elements from both, sure, but you’re gonna see a hell of a lot more ultimates influence, and that’s a fact.

[ckret2]

Specimen 1, Specimen 2, Specimen 3, Monster 0

Summary: Your family has bred dorats for centuries, passing the business down from mother to daughter. You do what you must to preserve your business and your family. And when the Xilien military marches in and requests three dorats for a classified experiment, you're unable to refuse.

No matter what kind of monster they make from them.

A King Ghidorah origin story.

Continuity: Godzilla, Monsterverse continuity; borrows from Showa and Heisei Characters: three dorats that are going to become King Ghidorah, a 2nd person perspective Xilien OC, and assorted other Xiliens as necessary. Wordcount: 7500 Notes: This is a blend of King G's Heisei and Showa portrayals. ME-319 (the viewpoint character) is intended to be a Xilien expy for Emmy Kano. "Female Xiliens are parthenogenetic" is an explanation for why they all look the same in Astro-Monster that doesn't depend on them being some sort of mass-produced clones. Pronouns! "She" = "Xilien who identifies as a parthenogenetic woman," "xe" = "non-parthenogenetic Xilien, regardless of sex," "he" = "person/animal from a species with no capacity for parthenogenesis, regardless of sex." Assume that all pronouns, names, terms, and everything else are translated to more familiar references for ease of the human reader's comprehension, ex: "There's a reference to pineapples, are you saying there are pineapples on Planet X?" No. No I'm not, that's a translation. Loosely inspired by this prompt:

Anonymous said: hi! if you're taking prompts, wouuuld you be willing to write another ghidorah x reader insert? i'm especially intrigued by your past idea about how if someone called them by their original names, they'd start bawling lmao i'd just love to see these guys get some of the aDORATion they deserve (i'm so sorry but i had to, this just can't be mere coincidence)

###

You're a dorat breeder.

The breeding bit isn't difficult; for the most part, the dorats are perfectly happy to handle all of that themselves. Dorats have been domesticated since before recorded history, and have no trouble living and mating in indoor aeries as long as the rooms are large enough and the windows are tall and let in plenty of sunlight, natural or otherwise.

Your job is to keep them happy and healthy while they get on with their business: maintaining and cleaning your centuries-old three-story facility and the aeries suspended by chains far above the floor, keeping a close eye out for any dorats that look unwell or radiate sickly emotions to get them to a vet, keeping their food well-stocked, scheduling enough outdoor trips to ensure that the flight morphs get adequate exercise, and eventually selling them off to pet owners or to professionals whose work needs trained dorats.

You're a woman—that is to say, in a more biological sense, you're parthenogenetic—and although you've got distant cousins and a half-sibling who have fathers, you yourself only have a mother. You are the product of a single unbroken matrilineal line stretching back for over three hundred documented generations. And for several centuries, every cloned daughter in that line has been a dorat breeder. Not because you had to be—but because every one of you has wanted to be. You don't know whether it's in your genes, or whether anyone would want to work with dorats after growing up around their indoor aeries. Nature or nurture? It doesn't really matter, you suppose; you're satisfied with your job, whatever reason you chose it.

You like working with dorats. You like the way they rush up to you in a concerned huddle when you arrive for work in a bad mood, threatening to bowl you over by hopping up on their legs and beating their wings for balance because they want to get closer to your face. You like the colors they come in, from pale jade greens to citrine oranges to a thousand different shades of yellow—gold and neon and amber and more—to warm silvers and pearl whites. You like the broad wingspans and commanding presence of the flight morphs, and the acrobatic energy and even the occasional hive mind-induced stampedes of the spinetail morphs. You like their songlike cries, their shiny scales, the comforting weight of their emotions, the way they switch instantly from sinuous grace to floppy wiggling messes.

You like how small and surprisingly soft the babies are, so little you can cradle them in your hands: their teeth like rows of tiny needles when they yawn, their heads a third of their weight, scrunching up their legs and tucking their wings around them to form little balls when they sleep. You like how agile and elegant the adults are, long and serpentine, their wings simultaneously delicate and powerful, smooth scales and sharp horns and spines—you can see why museums the world over are full of ancient artwork of dorats made from precious metals and gems. But you like the adolescents the most: that's when they're long, ridiculous, uncoordinated noodles, just shifting from the infants' mix of slithering and bipedalism to full quadrupedalism, curious and hyperactive and quarrelsome with each other, constantly tripping over their rapidly expanding wings or getting their new tail spines tangled in everything from blankets to bushes to their own legs.

You've got about three dozen adolescents right now. You started with more hatchlings, but several have already been adopted. It's an orangish-gold pack, all things told, although it wasn't when they first hatched. The ones that are more green and white get adopted out fast as hatchlings, since they're comparatively rare; so much so that when you sell them, you make your customers sign a contract stating they're willing to bring them in to breed so that you can keep the colors in your gene pool.

Your current batch of adolescents is just beginning to head through puberty—as usual, at wildly different rates. Some already have horns that could pass for small but fully developed; some look like long babies, their heads and tails smooth and wings tiny. Most are in between. They still all play together, but already they've begun segregating themselves by morph when they're relaxing, the adolescent flight morphs lounging near (but not too near) the adult flight morphs, the adolescent spinetail morphs piled together in a pack right next to the adult spinetail morphs.

As hatchlings, they already gave you solid impressions of their personalities—who's withdrawn, who's outgoing, who's active, who's lazy, who's quarrelsome, who's cooperative. As they enter adolescence and their mating instincts begin to activate, you're starting to see more facets to their personalities.

And right now, you're thinking very hard about the personalities of three specific adolescent dorats—their quirks, their oddities, their likes and dislikes, their talents and flaws, their futures.

You're thinking about them because two soldiers and two scientists, wearing thin black shades and crisp gray uniforms, have dropped three reports on your desk: dossiers about Noodle, Sunshine, and Pineapple, as if they were persons of national interest rather than three baby pets.

###

Noodle has pretty white-ish gold scales, and—like many near-white dorats that are more gold than silver—he also has awful flaky sheds that come off in strips and tend to cling for days, which makes him a far less appealing pet than most dorats as pale as him. (Some breeders try to sell flaky near-white dorats in between sheds and let the buyer deal with the periodic draconic dandruff, since it doesn't count as a health issue that they’re legally required to report; you consider that unethical and always warn your prospective buyers.)

He's sedate almost to the point of lethargy; his best skill is napping. Noodle's definitely destined to be an indoor pet, which limits who you can adopt him out to. Hopefully even with his shedding problem, you'll be able to find someone who wants him for his ability to lounge about looking pretty rather than for an exercise companion. Though he will play enthusiastically and energetically with his peers, he tends to bow out early to watch the others play, passively absorbing their enjoyment via proximity rather than contributing to the empathic cloud of fun himself.

You suspect there's an edge of sly intelligence to Noodle's apparent idleness—perhaps he's realized that by lounging in the right place, where he can empathically benefit from the other hatchlings' entertainment without having to play himself, he can get more rewards with less effort. Would he be more active by himself, you wonder, if he had to work for his own entertainment? You might need to find someone to foster him for a few weeks to see what his personality is like when he's not around dozens of other dorats before letting someone adopt him. But aside from the possibility that he might be a clever little slacker, Noodle's a very unremarkable hatchling, all told.

Now that he's reaching adolescence, though, and the first few spines on his tails are coming in, he's demonstrated a new behavior quirk: when the adolescents separate by morph, rather that sitting with his fellow spinetails, he follows after the flight morphs and flops down amongst them. You wonder why. Does Noodle prefer the lighter psychic load of a crowd of flights? Does he think that if he socializes with them casually, then once they're old enough to start worrying about breeding, his preferred choices in mates will consider him favorably without his having to expend any extra effort wooing them? Or perhaps he wants to be part of the audience when his fellow spinetails come by to make their first childish, halting attempts at mating displays: their heads lowered, small wings tucked away, and tails waving high in what they'll soon have the muscles to develop into the spinetails' signature whip crack/rattle. And if Noodle does want to watch, why—to learn from his peers' techniques, or to admire them?

Broadly speaking, flight morphs tend to be more withdrawn than spinetail morphs—less inclined to socialize, less open with their ambient emotions. (Although there's wide variation, of course, since the reach of a flight's empathy is far broader but also under far more voluntary control than a spinetail's. They can reduce their psychic influence—but they can also choose to cast it across a far greater distance than a spinetail ever could.)

But even taking into consideration flight morphs' inclination toward tucking their emotions away to themselves, Sunshine—named for scales so bright yellow they're almost fluorescent—is one of the most withdrawn flights you've ever seen. You actually took him to a veterinary neurologist to ensure he doesn't have any kind of brain damage. The conclusion was he doesn't, he just keeps his emotions clamped up tight inside his little head.

However, aside from that, Sunshine's not skittish or sullen, and he doesn't act like he's being bullied or neglected by other dorats. He's more violent than most, which along with the clamped up emotions is a warning sign for trauma or high stress. But he keeps his violence to play fighting, has never done real damage, and always stops when his playmate cries for mercy; so you think he's just fond of fighting rather than lashing out due to anger. So you concluded that he's just remarkably introverted and left him to it.

With the onset of puberty, though, Sunshine's started to come out of his shell. He's one of the most rapidly-developing dorats in this batch, both physically and emotionally. He's already developed a couple of horns and a massive wingspan. He might have reached his adult wingspan, even, although the rest of his body hasn't quite caught up with his wings yet; he looks terribly awkward strutting around, wings akimbo and chest lifted too high when he walks.

Sunshine was also among the first flights to take an interest in showing off for the spinetails; he's been galumphing over to rear up on his legs and show off his wings since before they grew in. Now that they have grown in, he's attracting a lot more attention. (You wonder if the fact that his wingspan is disproportionate to the rest of his body makes spinetails think they look larger than they really are.) Some are flirting back, trotting up to rattle their tails or clap them on the floor if they don't have spines yet, at which point Sunshine rebuffs them and galumphs back over to the flights' company.

You wonder if he wants to flirt but not be flirted with because he doesn't yet understand the purpose of the displays he's practicing, or because he isn't yet pleased with the quality of respondents. Showing off wings doubles as a mating display and a threat display, depending on who it's directed at, so maybe he's just doing it on instinct without having quite figured out the nuances of how to use it. Or maybe he’s hoping to stir up more play fights.

However, you suspect that Sunshine is deliberately flirting. You've seen him off by himself, loner that he is, practicing popping—the mating display used mainly by flights, but sometimes by spinetails, where they stretch their wings as high as possible and then snap them down, producing a sharp pop of air and simultaneously shooting up. (You suspect that this display—and its effect on ceilings and light fixtures—is probably the leading cause behind most pet owners' decisions to spay their flight dorats.) You don't think he'd be training so diligently if he wasn't aware of what he was doing. 

Conversely, among the spinetail morphs, the most physically developed so far is Pineapple—named for his unusually rough brownish-gold scales and their faint undertone of green. (In your opinion, he has the most interesting scales out of this batch of hatchings, which makes him your favorite, appearance-wise. The jades and pearls might be a hit with pet owners; but they're easy to breed for with the right parents, while you don't know if you could recreate Pineapple's scales if you tried. Your pictures of him are a hit in breeders' circles.)

He's incredibly observant, and he's strong-minded for a spinetail, able to break out of a strong emotional hive mind with next to no effort and inject new emotions without thinking. You've seen games stumble to a stop because Pineapple noticed a prospective buyer come in, or someone trip and fall out of a nest, or a kerfuffle break out across the room, and whatever new emotion the sight inspired in him was enough to disrupt everyone else's concentration. You've had far fewer spinetail stampedes while he was here, at least among the hatchlings.

His capacity for inflicting emotions on his peers is almost on par with flight morphs', except that as far as you've seen he can't consciously regulate its effect. You think that Pineapple's unique talent could make him a useful asset if he received professional training, although you don't know of a specific field that would need a spinetail dorat with that kind of ability.

Pineapple is already larger than most of the other adolescents, has developed an impressive set of horns, and has a more even coverage of spines on his tail than any of the other spinetail morphs. They already rattle, which he seems to do involuntarily as he wiggles around in play, although he hasn't made any whip cracks with his tail yet. However, emotionally he's one of the slower developers. He’s practically still a hatchling in his behavior. He plays like he's half his age. He bounces back and forth between flights and spinetails with seeming no recognition of how they've segregated themselves—although once he calms down he inevitably settles down amongst his fellow spinetails, so evidently he's got some recognition of their new social division. He neither joins the spinetails that go over to show off for the flights, nor acknowledges the flights that come to show off for them with anything more than vaguely curious disinterest.

Pineapple's one of the last adolescents for whom you've developed some sense of whether he's likely to be an active or reactive partner—the one who approaches the opposite morph to put on mating displays, or the one who waits to be approached so that he can judge the display he's presented with. It's only in the last few days that you've seen Pineapple begin to watch the flirting flights more keenly, which suggests—but doesn't guarantee—that he'll be a reactive partner.

Noodle, Sunshine, and Pineapple. You don't see their personalities in the dossiers on your desk. The photos on each cover sheet have them posed awkwardly and uncomfortably, heads raised and tails flat on the ground, just like all the photos of the adolescent dorats that the four military representatives took during their first visit weeks ago. In their photos, they look withdrawn and tense.

They're listed by number rather than name.

###

Most of the dorats you breed become pets. But quite a few are taken to be trained to perform public services. Spinetail morphs are the most common service animal on X, and flight morphs are commonly used in counseling and psychological therapy. Many are trained as search and rescue animals: after fires, bombings, or natural disasters, when buried people can't be found with sight, sound, smell, infrared, sonar, or x-ray, often dorats can still detect their minds. Dorats are absurdly adaptable to different environments and atmospheres; they're often sent to new colonies to carry mail, pull heavy loads, and defend Xilien colonists from aliens. Low-empathy dorats can have the last of their empathy trained out of them or chemically suppressed and be used by the police or military.

You've never bred dorats for specific functions—hunting or therapy or what have you. You maintain thorough records of each dorat's family tree, and some of their trees go back dozens of generations—calling on records kept by your mother and her mother and her mother et cetera—but none of them are what anybody would call "thoroughbreds." All the same, plenty of your dorats have been snapped up for professional services before. Thoroughbreds have a higher chance of having the physical, psychic, and personality traits a job called for, yes, but also a higher chance of carrying detrimental genetic conditions. Many people who work regularly with dorats recognize the downsides of thoroughbreds and try to find the traits they need in aeries like yours.

So you were apprehensive, but not surprised, when four representatives of the military came in and asked to speak with you about your current selection of dorats.

In the style mandatory for all soldiers, police, and public officials interacting with civilians, they didn't present you with so much as their ID numbers, much less their personal names. They instructed you to refer to them as Soldier 1, Scientist 2, Scientist 3, and Soldier 4. They referred to you by your matrilineal ID number, ME-319, which felt slightly more personal than calling you by your national ID number, but not by a lot.

"We are conducting a medical experiment with potential military applications that involves dorats," Soldier 1 said. "Controller 0 has authorized very few details to be shared with civilians. We can tell you that we need three in early adolescence. We can tell you that this will be our seventh trial, and the first six concluded in a 100% fatality rate for our dorats specimens. We do not tell you this so that you will think that we are carelessly killing off dorats, but so that you will understand that we are frustrated and vexed every time another experiment fails and recognize that we are taking the utmost care with the dorats." (You can tell that xe's repeating something Controller 0 told xem to say—or, if not, at least that xe must work closely enough with Controller 0 to have picked up its mannerisms. The computer has a tendency to instruct the populace on how they should feel about its pronouncements and decisions; the inside of a Xilien mind is one of the few things it can't control directly, and so it puts the onus on its citizens to control their minds for it.) "We are not, as you can tell, testing them en masse in hopes that one or two will survive, but testing only two and three at a time, and pouring our every resource into ensuring their survival in each trial. Their deaths are incompatible with our objectives."

Despite yourself, you did find yourself thinking that they must be exercising a great deal of caution with the dorats, 100% fatality rate notwithstanding. Still, though, you had to ask— "Why are you testing two and three at a time, then? Why not one?"

Soldier 1 was silent for a moment, and you suspected xe had a direct link to Controller 0 and was waiting for it to provide xem an answer that xe was allowed to share. "Because the very purpose of the experiment requires multiple test subjects," xe finally said. "Our first four tests used only two dorats each. We found two insufficient for stable results. Our results improved when we began using three."

So what was it, you wondered. Was the experiment about dorats' empathic capabilities? Something else concerning their brains? Some new breeding experiments? What could require multiple dorats?

You suspected you'd never find out.

"What qualities are you looking for?" you asked them, with no further questions about the nature of the experiment; because, ultimately, it didn't matter what they told you and whether or not you liked it. No matter what, you were going to comply. You have to comply when Controller 0 comes knocking. Your only recourse for objection is if Controller 0 asks you for something and you know something it doesn't that will help it get what it wants more expediently.

Shortly, Soldier 1 answered, "Compatibility with each other."

"In what sense?" you asked. "Dorats that play together well? Genetic similarity?"

"Not genetic similarity," Soldier 1 said. "Our initial tests were conducted with dorats of the same breed, to poor effect." Xe grimaced almost immediately after speaking, and the next statement came from Scientist 2: "We have our own criteria by which we'll determine compatibility. Once you have presented your pool of available dorats, we will monitor them ourselves until we have made a selection." From the switch in speakers, you suspected that Soldier 1 had overstepped xir bounds and Controller 0 had revoked xir permission to lead the conversation.

"Monitor?" you asked. "In person? Or will you be setting up recording equipment?" You didn't like the sound of either option.

"Both, most likely," Scientist 2 said.

And so it was. Cameras designed to pick up visible light and heat energy were set up around the aeries. Most days, at least one of the four from the military was there—usually either Scientist 2 or Scientist 3—watching keenly while the adolescent dorats played, relaxed, and interacted; taking notes; and recording even more footage from various angles. After a few weeks, all four came in again, asked to speak with you in your office, and presented you with the three dossiers.

And here you are.

###

Here you are.

Looking down at the military's records on Noodle, Sunshine, and Pineapple. Here you are.

"Why?" you ask. You wouldn't have pegged the three of them for any sort of compatibility. You don't know that you've ever seen any of them interact one-on-one with each other, much less all together.

There's a pause as they wait for instructions from Controller 0; and then, with grim solemnity, Scientist 2 takes out a translucent badge and hands it to you. Congratulations: you're now one clearance level above the average civilian.

Scientist 3 speaks. "These two, because Specimen 2—" xe taps on Sunshine's dossier, "is sexually attracted to Specimen 3." And then Pineapple's. Something squeezes inside you. These are adolescents. They're only playing around with flirting—when a flight and spinetail at this age do pair off, they tussle and cuddle. Who was this army biologist with only a few weeks' worth of footage to say that this awkward little thing with disproportionately large wings was anywhere near anything like sexual attraction?

You don't say any of that. You say, very evenly, "Oh?"

"You've seen, no doubt, that he's been putting on mating displays for the spinetail morphs," Scientist 3 says. "We've analyzed multiple displays from multiple angles, and are absolutely certain that Specimen 3 is the only spinetail morph whom Specimen 2 is always facing when he displays. His brain activity and body temperature elevate when Specimen 3 takes note of his displays, but not when any other spinetail morphs do."

Specimens 2, Specimen 3. They've already been numbered.

"Specimen 3 does not appear to reciprocate Specimen 2's sexual attraction," Scientist 3 goes on. "But this is irrelevant. As long as Specimen 2 views Specimen 3 as an object of desire, he will remain invested in both protecting and impressing him—which should yield the behavior we want to see from them."

You think of Sunshine off by himself, getting used to his new wingspan, practicing launching himself higher and higher into the air each time he snaps his wings; and wonder what it is the military plans to use that young enthusiasm to train him to do.

You think of Pineapple, tail rattling accidentally as he wiggles in play or suddenly stopping to stare in fascination at an odd sunbeam or an aerie swinging on its chain; and mentally recoil at the thought of him being an object of desire—a prize to manipulate quiet little Sunshine into doing what they want.

You think of Noodle. Curling up to snooze, or scratching at his flaking scales, or flopping down between the flight morphs with his little wings curled tight around his chest. "Why Specimen 1, then?"

"Because he has demonstrated homosexual inclinations." The way Scientist 3 says the words is so clinically precise it almost sounds pathologizing. It feels like a slap on the face. (Even if hearing the word "homosexual" applied to a dorat is momentarily disorienting, when it's so natural to assume that's the default in non-parthenogenetic species. It's easy to forget that, by a biologist's definition of the term, they do have two sexes, not just two body shapes.)

"How do you know that?" You would have noticed if any of your dorats had progressed past practicing their mating displays, and Noodle doesn't even do that much.

"I'm sure you've noticed that he lounges with the flight morphs. When he watches spinetail morphs present their mating displays, his heart rate increases and eyes dilate in a manner indicating arousal, and his—"

"Okay." You don't want to hear more. You feel like you're peering in someone's bedroom window with night vision goggles. "But, what—what does that have to do with anything?"

"Had we chosen a heterosexual flight morph or spinetail morph, it could develop a sexual rivalry with the other two specimens," Scientist 3 says. "A heterosexual spinetail morph could perceive Specimen 3 as an obstacle to obtaining Specimen 2's attention; whereas Specimen 2 might perceive a heterosexual flight morph as a potential threat to his chances of wooing Specimen 3. However, a heterosexual flight morph will not demonstrate attraction to a homosexual spinetail morph, and a homosexual spinetail morph will not demonstrate attraction to a heterosexual spinetail morph, so neither Specimen 2 nor Specimen 3 will see Specimen 1 as a rival or vice versa. We can reap the benefits of Specimen 2's attraction to Specimen 3 without concern that it will produce a schism with Specimen 1."

You almost laugh at their bizarre, mating-obsessed logic. What are they going to do if one of the spinetails is bisexual, but hasn't "demonstrated" his "inclinations" yet? What are they going to do if it turns out that Noodle likes lounging with the flights because he has as yet unrecognized intersex traits, and he suddenly sprouts a set of wings to rival Sunshine's? What then?

But you can't ask. You're silent with horror.

Because dorats don't act like that. They don't develop sexual rivalries. If two set their eyes on the same mate, their competitions don't escalate past wrapping their tails around each other and rolling around, or battering each other ineffectively with their wings and hissing until someone gives up. Often, the competition stops early when the potential mate demonstrates a willingness to produce an egg with each. Two competing over one would never escalate to the point where it would pose a threat to their ability to healthily cohabitate or cooperate.

Unless the dorats are in miserable, confined, stressed conditions. So stressed their natural empathy shuts down so they don't have to feel their peers' suffering, so miserable that losing a chance to mate means losing a chance at what may be the only pleasurable activity they're allowed, so confined that they can't flee from an infuriated rival or an unwanted mate. The kind of conditions found in illegal doratfighting pits or unlicensed breeding mills.

What the hell is the military putting their dorats through that they have to be concerned about sexual rivalries?

How the hell did their previous sets of dorats die, for this "compatibility" to be their top criteria?

What the hell are they going to do to Noodle, Sunshine, and Pineapple?

You look through the window in your office door, where you can see your dorats. You spot Pineapple first, trying to climb one of the chains anchoring an aerie to the ground by twisting about it and inching himself up. Noodle is sleeping in a pile of flights, one leg sticking up inelegantly. Sunshine you finally spot high above, peering over the side of an aerie, watching Pineapple climb. There is nothing you want more than to run out there, scoop the three of them up, and carry them somewhere far away.

But you can't defy Controller 0. The best you could hope to do, now that you understand the military's criteria, is try to suggest a better trio; but each and every little dorat out there is just as precious as Noodle, Sunshine, or Pineapple. You can't sacrifice any of them in their stead.

The military representatives give you a moment. Then Scientist 2 takes back the dossiers. Soldier 1 says, "If you have no objections, we are prepared to take them now."

You say nothing.

"Very well."

###

You'd like to think that you're putting on a good show of stoicism for the military representatives. But the moment you step outside your office, you're swarmed by concerned dorats desperate to comfort you. Under the circumstances, it only makes you more miserable.

You reassure them as well as you can, push them off, and begin collecting the three... specimens.

Noodle flails when you scoop him up, but once it's clear you plan to drape him over one shoulder, he clambers around to position himself: head draped over your chest, tail tip dangling past your butt, claws curled into your chain mail shirt for stability. He flicks his tongue at your chin in concern a couple of times, then droops down and almost immediately falls back asleep.

You have to shake the chain Pineapple's climbing to get his attention, but he sees how Noodle's laying and copies him on your other shoulder. He covers your head with one wing as he scrambles onto you, but once he's settled he nuzzles against your cheek, attempting to cheer you up. You feel his confusion as he presses his head against yours.

You don't even need to whistle to get Sunshine's attention. He's already watching you—or maybe watching Pineapple on your shoulder. You point at the ground and stamp a foot, and Sunshine, well-trained, glides down off his perch and flops at your feet. You don't have any shoulders left for him, but he stays close, rubbing his head between your shins. Smaller dorats sometimes weave between their owners' legs when they want their attention or want to comfort them; when they get too big for that, sometimes they do this instead. You rub him just behind his jaw, partially to thank him for the attention and partially to coax him out from between your legs so you can walk, and you take all three of them to the door where the military representatives are waiting.

Their ship is just outside. A compartment in the back is already open. At least the dorats aren't going to be in separate cages. You pat inside the compartment, and Sunshine jumps up and in, followed by Pineapple slithering off your shoulder. Sunshine immediately huddles in a back corner, watching as Pineapple explores the space. You have to slide Noodle off yourself, and he stirs and sits up as you set him down.

"You three are getting adopted by the military," you tell them. You feel guilty, like you're lying to them, even though it's not technically untrue and even if it was they wouldn't understand you. "Be good for them, okay? The future of X depends on its soldiers."

"Make your farewell quick," Soldier 1 says stiffly. You're probably lucky that you get to say farewell at all.

You force a smile, lean into the ship, and tug them close one by one to press your forehead against theirs. You focus your entire mind on your love for them instead of your worry. "Noodle. Sunshine. Pineapple." You say their names as you're touching them; this will probably be the last time they ever hear them. You pull back from Pineapple before he can pick up on your sudden sadness. "Stay safe."

You step back and Soldier 4 closes the compartment.

You watch from the door as the ship takes off and disappears into the sky.

###

You never see them again.

###

That's not true. If it was true, it would be less painful.

Years pass. You have a daughter; she grows, takes over the family business, and has a daughter and a child of her own. You start giving talks about dorat behavior.

After one of your talks, a soldier waits in the back while the chairs empty and the people who lingered behind speak to you. Only when they're gone does xe approach you. A generation has passed since you last saw xem, and xe looks far older; but you still recognize xir face instantly. An ache that you haven't felt in years stirs in your chest again. "Soldier 1," you say, nodding.

Xe nods back. "Specialist 8." And before you can question the title, xe offers you a new clearance badge.

###

There's a heavy, oppressive feel in the lab, although you can't tell why. It's clean, well-lit. There's no signs of suffering. But the air weighs down on you anyway.

Maybe it's because you're on a moon. You've never been on a world with a sky that's always black. You feel like you're clinging to the side of a marble hurtling alone through the void.

Something about the oppressive feeling is familiar.

"At this point, we doubt the fact that you raised our specimens will give you any particular insight into them," Specialist 3 tells you as xe escorts you down the hall. "We have, after all, been working with them for far longer than you knew them. But we're very impressed with your expertise on dorat psychology."

You've already been told that they're still working with the three "specimens" you gave them. You're relieved they've survived this long. They'll be getting near old age by now. You wonder if they were ever allowed to interact with any other dorats. You wonder if the three of them were enough company for each other. Dorats that aren't pets usually live in groups with at least a dozen adults, and pets benefit from regular opportunities to socialize with other dorats. Did they ever get those opportunities? Did they ever go outside? Did they give their flight morph enough chances to fly?

You suspect not. You don't know why you suspect not. Something about the heaviness in the air.

As Specialist 3 approaches a massive set of double doors and slows down, you realize what about the heaviness is familiar: it feels like entering a doratfighting pit to rescue the captive dorats. This is what it feels like when dozens of dorats' empathy have collapsed and crumpled in, forming a dense despairing ball of shut down and suppressed emotions. They can't cope with their own misery, much less their peers', and so they close in on themselves. Your hand flutters up to your head, pressing your temple where you can feel the psychic weight.

But this is so much heavier than you've ever felt before. There must be hundreds, thousands—"How many dorats are kept in this facility?"

Specialist 3 hesitates. "Just the three," xe says. "Maybe some of the scientists have personal pets in their quarters, but I doubt it. They wouldn't want to bring their pets to this environment."

You don't think xe's talking about the airless moon. Xir gaze flicks to your hand pressed to your temple, and xe says, "You see what I mean."

"This can't be just three. How?"

"You'll see. This is what you're here to address." Specialist 3's hand hovers over the door controls. "Moment of truth," xe says. "From here on out, everything you see is absolutely classified. Controller 0 values the secrecy of this information more than your life. If you tell anyone..."

You nod. You know. It was spelled out to you very explicitly. Any intel leaks that can be traced to you mean the execution of ME-319, ME-320, and ME-321: you, your daughter, your granddaughter. The termination of the ME matrilineage. Of course, you'll never tell—but you're terrified that someday, someone else might, and the blame will accidentally fall on your family. You would have refused to take this assignment if you could have; but you have to comply when Controller 0 comes knocking.

Specialist 3 nods and opens the door.

You step through and the weight closes in on your mind so heavily it feels like your vision is going black around the edges.

For a moment, you can't understand what you're looking at. The room resembles a ship hangar, but directly in front of you is what looks like a mountain of gold coins. No, not coins. Scales?

The mountain shifts.

You fall to your knees.

It's a massive, monstrous mutant. Ugly knotted scars thicker than your torso run between its necks and down its chest. It's all spines, and claws, and horns, and fangs—its fangs alone are half the length of your body. You didn't know creatures this large could survive outside the vacuum of space. You can tell, just from looking at it, that it's nothing but a weapon of mass destruction.

And it has three heads. And it has the broad wings of one flight morph and the long tails of two spinetail morphs. And it has numb, delirious despair in its eyes.

There are massive collars around each of its necks and cuffs around its ankles and tails; chains anchor each collar and cuff to the ground. In a grotesque parody of rings on fingers, piercings jab through its wing membranes and wrap around each of its phalanges; short chains connect the piercings to each other, forcing it to keep its phalanges together and its wings closed. It spasms and growls—its growl is so loud you can feel the floor beneath you vibrate—and then goes limp on the floor; and then spasms again; and whimpers; and goes limp again.

You try to ask a question, but all you can do is mouth the word, "What," silently.

"Meet Monster 0," Specialist 3 says. "Codename: King, if you prefer."

You want to be sick. Of all the things you feared, never in your worst nightmares...

"You can see the problem," xe goes on. "He's totally shut down emotionally. We can make him move—we've got the technology to force him to move—but we can't force him to feel again. The experiment is only a partial success as long as his empathic abilities are turned off. If we have to, we can move forward with this alone. But I've seen your writing on rehabilitating doratfighting rescues; if there's any way you can... Hey, where—?"

You're not listening to xem anymore. You've found your feet and you're rushing down the stairs so fast you miss a few steps and almost fall, heading for the main floor of the hangar—hangar? kennel? prison? You sprint for the heads of the mangled creatures. The other soldiers and scientists on the floor, seeing you approach—wearing a jingling chainmail tunic and a look of fury the likes of which Controller 0's perfectly emotionally repressed soldiers would never display—dive out of your way.

You head straight for Monster 0's faces.

Each face towers above you. Their heads are lying on the ground and you still have to look up to meet their eyes. They don't look anything like themselves anymore. Their distinctive scales—the flaky white gold, the electric yellow, the spiky green-tinged brownish gold—all gone, replaced by a uniform dull, pallid brass. The heads, distorted and altered as they were forced to this unnatural size, could have come from triplets. If you hadn't been told they were your dorats, you wouldn't have recognized them.

The head on the monster's right growls as you approach, bearing his fangs threateningly, but his eyes are glazed. The one in the middle flinches and squeezes his already shut eyes tighter closed, as if he can dream his way through this and wake up somewhere else. Only the one on the monster's left manages to focus, looking at you tiredly, studying you.

You know then. You know.

"Oh, my babies." You look up at them, between each of their faces, throat tight. "This isn't you."

The one on the left slowly leans in—does he recognize you? The right one's eyes are beginning to clear.

You reach out to touch the left one's snout, then the middle one. "I'm so sorry they did this to you. This isn't who you are."

Slowly, the right one drags his head toward you as well. The middle one's eyes crack open tiredly. You can feel their exhalations washing over you in gusts; you hear their lungs roaring like wind through a canyon.

"Do you remember who you're supposed to be?" You don't hide any of your emotions from them this time. Love pours out along with pity and grief. You lean against them, one at a time, pressing your forehead to their snouts: Specimen 1, 2, then 3; middle, right, and left; and you tell them their names: "Noodle. Sunshine. Pineapple."

Their eyes shoot wide open. An electric wave snaps over their skin, jolting you hard enough that you stumble back.

Two soldiers rush up to take your arms and tug you back, and for a moment you're so disoriented you can't tell if you're being rescued or arrested. The vision-blackening pressure on your mind has lifted all at once, so fast you feel lightheaded. The three dorats lift their heads as high as their chains will allow them, looking at each other as though they've only noticed each other for the first time; or perhaps looking at themselves through each other's eyes?

And then the rage hits you—like stepping outside at the most deathly hot peak of summer and walking into a wall of heat. Rage so thick it's like a tangible force, rage so overbearing you immediately break out in a sweat.

Then they raise their heads, and they sing.

That's the only word you have for it. It's a sound like you've never heard before. Dorats coo, or croon, or caterwaul; but this is singing. Three notes, high and quivering; a discordant chord, tremolo, in clear soprano voices; a wail that nearly sounds Xilien.

Something in the chord pierces straight into your psyche. You can feel your heart break, your future vanish, your every reason for living shrivel up and dissolve. You lose everything in a second. All that's left is keen, soul-throttling despair. Nothing matters. Everything is over.

From somewhere far outside the black hole in your mind, you hear soldiers who might not have expressed a single emotion in decades break down in sobs.

And still the dorats are singing like they're trying to end the world. Their necks raised, their back arched, their legs straining, their wings trembling. One by one, the chains pinning their left wing shut begin to snap.

You sink past despair into apathy.

###

Your spirits are still low when you wake up in the med bay, but at least you're no longer ready to die.

You remember what it felt like, though. You'll always remember what it felt like.

You're being tended to by Nurse 4. Once xe's established that you're of sound mind, xe places a call, and a couple of minutes later Soldier 1 and Specialist 3 come in.

They both look haggard. Soldier 1 has superficial scratches high on the side of xir neck where public officials in direct contact with Controller 0 get their implants. "Well done," xe says wearily. "Controller 0 finds your technique questionable, but approves of your fast results. You'll be sent home with high commendations—but don't expect to be called in to do that again."

Somewhere far away, you think you can feel anger, throbbing. Like the beginning of a pounding headache.

You process Soldier 1's statement backwards and in pieces. "Again?" How many more were they going to put through that torture? And then: "Fast results? You—you knew? You wanted this? This...?"

You gesture at your own head, trying to somehow indicate the feeling of your entire life falling to pieces.

Specialist 3 clears xir throat. Soldier 1 glances away. "Among other things, our experiments aimed to enhance Monster 0's inborn capacity to project emotions. Weaponize it, if you will."

You can only gape at xem.

Specialist 3 says, "We had no idea he'd develop a means to project them vocally." Xir voice is hoarse. "This is a... fascinating side effect of his modifications."

"Although one that reduces his usefulness in vacuums," Soldier 1 says.

Usefulness for what? What are they going to use them for?

You feel despair creep over you again.

###

As promised, you're awarded a slew of high commendations from Controller 0 before you go home. You never speak of them again.

Controller 0 also assigns you a therapist with a clearance level high enough for you to speak freely about your experience. You only visit xem a few times. Once you pass Soldier 4 in the waiting room. You didn't realize xe lives nearby. You didn't realize xe had been on the moon.

It's three more years before you, along with everyone else, see the news of the first planet conquered by X's new living weapon, "King." You tune out the hollow military propaganda singing their new weapon's praises as you watch the footage brought back from that distant world. All you can see in the dorats' eyes is hatred.

In another few years, your granddaughter becomes the first of your matrilineage in centuries not to take over the family dorat breeding business. Instead, she joins the military. Science branch. She received an invitation directly from Controller 0 itself.

She gushes about the opportunity to use your family's dorat expertise to work with the famous Monster 0—and perhaps to help make and train more monsters. After all, "0" is the number reserved for prototypes. Rumors have been swirling for years.

Before she leaves for basic training, you pull her aside, take a risk that could endanger your whole family, and whisper Monster 0's true names to her.

###

To the end of your life, you will fear that your meeting with your three dorats—your meeting with the thing they became—only made things worse for them.

You will never know that, years after your natural death, what you reawakened in them will give them the strength to escape.

#####

(Replies/reblogs are welcome & encouraged! Check the “source” link below for my masterlist of KOTM fics, as well as my AO3 and Ko-fi links.)

[anthonybialy]

I Loved New York

You think this is bad? Life can sink way lower. Take how erstwhile great cities are getting worse under illiberal liberals causing the problems about which they bitch. Provoking suffering means they have something to do. They're certainly not going to look for work, especially under the economy they ruined.

Antisocial unjust social justice fans exacerbate precisely the agonies claim to loathe, and our severe planners don't even smirk at the irony. There's no laughter allowed: saving those you endangered is serious. Now drop napalm on that tire fire to extinguish it.

Creating the very circumstances they claim to oppose is how lovers of big government make us thankful. They have no purpose without oppressed peoples to represent. Actually getting ahead could give the wrong impression about life being just. Do you want to become complacent?

Income inequality is created by its enemies. Phasers are fueling their shields. There are plenty of poor victims for the eternally patronizing to pretend to help. They surely can't believe their policies actually function after the entirety of evidence shows the fundamental opposite.

Recruiting more people to be resentful means votes, which is the currency progressive kingpins love looting most. Paying the underclass a looted pittance while getting rich themselves by claiming it's impossible to do so is almost a neat trick. Generals can't conduct class warfare without soldiers.

The lab rats are running free. New York City hopes it doesn't deserve the slacker pinko arrogant putzing germ its cursed to call mayor. But the only way to irk fate more than electing a horse's ass who specializes in dodging responsibility is re-electing him.

Prickly pinko Bill de Blasio may not be someone any other human would classify as pleasant, but at least he's arrogant in laziness as he ineptly attempts to impose his horrific ideology.

The one thing that rubs people the wrong way about the galaxy's worst mayor is how he's discredited politically and personally by everything we have ever experienced. A ghastly example of creating the very conditions he claims rotten capitalists do will have to count as his sole useful contribution.

One needs impossible wealth to live comfortably in the oh so spacious and welcoming metropolis. Renting what would be a small closet in any suburb is beyond the means of a poor Manhattanite with only a couple jobs. New York is an H.G. Wells story. Proles toil in abject danger to keep the world running for the indolent elites. The socialist author would've been surprised to learn just which system created castes. It wasn't the mean one where earning more is encouraged.

Soul fled along with exasperated residents. Drugstores and banks on every block aren't quite as stimulating as boutiques and restaurants specializing in cuisines of countries you're hearing about for the first time. But unwieldy conglomerates are the only ones who can afford rents. Creating shortages which priced out the very places that made New York unique is one way of spurring creativity.

If statist anarchists think the police are fiends, wait until they see what criminals do. Anti-crime measures that allowed them to live without fear are utterly appreciatively classified as oppressive monstrosities. Oh: it's just like the Constitution.

Those dedicated to hating cops are not going to enjoy seeing what the alternative to 911 sending cops is. But a horrifying example is the only way some learn. Being relieved of earthly possessions doesn't inspire as much spirituality as anticipated. Professional loathers of law enforcement vainly attempting to claim they only want to weed out racist sadists with badges is an excuse that wouldn't work with the cops, which might explain their contempt.

Mean prisons might have those contained inside for good reason. Mass incarceration is condemned like arrests are based on existing in public. But convictions might be punishment for crimes; could a lawyer check? This so-called legal system doesn't just serve the novel notion of holding wrongdoers accountable: society is safer with bad people somewhere a bit away from us in a fenced-off area where they can think about what they did.

Professional looters don't care to talk about real injustice, which follows undoing the protections against the wicked rampaging. Being called on the dare to flee to Florida shows northeastern governors suck at poker, too. The sort of people who are successful on their own terms and hire workers or buy things in practical ones surely aren't needed to make the state function. Tax those leaving for financial security.

You'd think so much menace would create character. New York's present descent into hellish science fiction dystopia won't even lead to a creative resurgence. There aren't any vacant lofts for artists to occupy. The rich have theirs as the poor are stuck with nothing, which is just the diabolical condition de Blasio claimed to halt. I'm sure he'll find his special life skill someday.

Gotham now looks like Batman is on vacation. He might take up residence in his hotel considering how many ingrates demand to not be protected. Why come back from Bermuda when so many in his hometown claim he's the villain? He can sip cocktails from coconuts while wearing his cowl as long as the bartender was conscientious enough to provide a straw.

The one thing worse than cops is not having cops. Walls that are alleged to be keeping us from living fully actually stop barbarians from storming. Not allowing those living in invaded territories to arm themselves is the next nice touch. I hope those opposing arms for anyone fighting off looters didn't think ahead, as the only other option is siding with wickedness. Hmmm. Those running with televisions are finally being compensated for oppression.

We were supposed to call police because arming ourselves was an archaic bloodthirsty pointless method of enforcing inequality. But those officers are deemed to be on the side of villainy. Now, a social worker shows up to fight off your murderer.

[janesviews]

Stranger Things 3 or Why Do We Mourn Abusive Men?

Another season of Stranger Things has come and gone and I have lots of thoughts and in this piece, all of them are going to be pretty negative. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like the season. I actively enjoyed it. But I want that joy somewhere else, somewhere far from here where I scream and shout and ask the vital question of why we are asked to mourn abusive men?

SPOILERS (and Scoops) AHOY for the whole of Season 3!

Listening to a recap podcast of the show before the season aired, there was a prediction that Billy would become the villain in season 3. This gave me pause as I had been under the assumption he had already been the villain. From the moment we’re introduced to him in season 2, he’s presented as intensely aggressive, and as the season progresses, he is physically violent towards almost everyone, racist and manipulative. Sure, he may not be a supernatural demon from another dimension, but is that what it takes to classify someone as a villain? He’s a quantifiable piece of shit. We get about 30 seconds of backstory on him, he’s had an abusive childhood himself, but is that 30 seconds enough to ignore/erase/forgive his actions? In my books, no. Despite this tiny peek into Billy’s past, we’re really only ever given one side to his character. We never get a glimpse of any sort of multi-facet he might possess. On the other hand, a character like Steve Harrington, who at first was presented as a one-dimensional douche (and we expect him to remain in this archetype as it’s an archetype we’re familiar with, especially in this 80s world we’re living in), evolved and shifted and has been on a continuous character growth spurt. Billy on the other hand is narrowly written and poorly defined. There is no nuance.

By the end of season 2, he’s been brought down, maybe by a peg, by his sister Max, and seems slightly cowed by her assertiveness towards him. However, once season 3 starts, he’s back to his old ways, screaming and fat-shaming a young boy at the pool where he lifeguards, manipulating married women into affairs and just being physically menacing. He is very shortly thereafter ‘corrupted’ by the Mind Flayer, thereby becoming the supposed villain I believe he always was.

I’m not going to get into his whole trajectory throughout the season only to say that it continues to be one-note. It’s hard not to think that this would just be the way Billy would be behaving had he not been possessed, maybe minus the drinking of chemicals. His real self vs. his Mind Flayer self are hardly different. He’s just as maniacal, only now he has super-strength and sweats profusely (a side effect of getting possessed by the Mind Flayer during an Indiana summer).

By the end of the season, after literally torturing people and killing many others, Billy decides to sacrifice himself because El says some words about him surfing as a child, and much like the universally panned segment in Batman v. Superman (Martha???), those words seem to snap him out of his haze long enough to get gutted by the Mind Flayer. This action does momentarily distract the Mind Flayer from ripping El to pieces just as Joyce closes the gate, vaporizing everyone near the Russians’ machine (including Hopper, who I will get back to) and killing the Mind Flayer, but the moment lacked any emotional depth or feeling. This heart-to-heart probably would have been better served from Max, the original target of Billy’s ire, instead of someone Billy mind-melded with for a minute. And this ‘heroic’ act of self-sacrifice is somehow supposed to balance out every other shitty thing we’ve seen him do for the past two seasons? I don’t think so. All I felt after it was all said and done was a mild sense of relief.

Max is BEREFT at the loss of Billy, her psychotic step-brother, and again, there is nothing to substantiate this reaction. They have literally never had a positive interaction and it is not fair to the viewer to have us pretend that this makes sense with no backstory to support it. It’s also disrespectful that now we are being told through music cues and Max’s reaction that WE are also supposed to be bereft by this loss. Billy may have done one selfless act in the 17 episodes we’ve seen him in but I will not mourn him. I will sing no requiem for the man who caused physical harm to his sister, almost ran over some pre-teens to scare his sister, violently assaulted his classmate until he had to be subdued by his sister… no. I will not be told to mourn that.

That brings me to the other major death we had this season (that is, if you believe he’s actually dead, which, with the current evidence we have, is not certain, but I’m going on the assumption that he is). Breaking the rule that if your name starts with the letter B, the Duffer Brothers have it in for you, Jim Hopper bites it in spectacular fashion. After finally getting rid of the Russian monkey on his back, he is stuck next to the deadly machine that is opening up the gate to the Upside Down. With no way of getting back to safety, Hopper solemnly nods to Joyce and she vaporizes him and closes the gate, saving the day. This loss is definitely a bigger one, Hopper has been a huge part of all three seasons of Stranger Things, and integral to the story. However, for some reason, this season he just sucks. What came off as loveable grump in the first two seasons is now coming off as raging asshole in the third. As the legal guardian of El, admittedly rightly perturbed by the physicality and closeness that has developed between El and Mike, Hopper begins the season by flipping his lid. El and Mike are preteens swapping a lot of spit and that’s a lot for Hopper to take. I get that. I, as the viewer, found myself more than once hoping the kissing scenes would get cut short. This begins Hopper’s tirade of aggression throughout the season. He is seemingly unable to use his words thoughtfully and must resort to threats to separate Mike and El. It only goes downhill from there where he assaults the corrupt mayor of Hawkins and almost chops his finger off in a cigar cutter. Later in the season he shoots down a bunch of Russian soldiers for no other reason then he was tired of waiting for Murray (a welcome surprise to the season, and almost made me forget how much I hate Brett Gelman’s character in Fleabag) to calm them down. We’ve seen people casually killed in Stranger Things before. El has killed her fair share of people before in acts of self-preservation. However, all of this seemed more and more extreme with Hopper. Last season we see him almost exclusively fighting supernatural creatures and for him to turn that aggression on people felt scary. It didn’t help that most of this season found him yelling at someone for things not going his way. He began to come off as petulant with a gun.

So by the end of the season, when Joyce is left with no choice but to destroy him for the greater good, I was again left with a hollowness. My sadness was not for the loss of Hopper but for those who had lost him. Had Hopper been axed last season, it would have had a much greater resonance. He had just begun to become the father that El needed, he was the friend that Joyce wanted and though he may have screwed up here and there, you always felt that he was trying. There was always an underlying goodness. To have that loss last season would have been a gut punch. To have it delayed to the end of this season and to see his character shift so negatively, it felt shallow instead.

There were so many positives this season, like the evolution of El’s and Max’s friendship, the introduction of the intriguing Robin, bringing back fan-favourite Erica for a larger role, any and all Steve content… Unfortunately, I felt the season was weighed down by aggressive men and the unrealistic belief that we should come to care for them. The show may be set in the 80s, but it’s 2019. It’s time to stop relying on this trope. Now that those two characters are out, what will season 4 bring? Murray as a main character? More Mr. Clarke (who was criminally underused, but shone in his scenes)? No adult men at all? We play the waiting game once more to see what Hawkins ‘86 has to offer.

And tomorrow… my top 10 moments from Stranger Things 3.

[floraery]

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰

* If you are under the age of 18 or have some trigger warnings, please read this post. 

To whom this may concern, 

If you follow my blog you probably are aware that I am starting off a new story on here called Heaven’s Out Of Sight. Now, I know a portion of my followers is under the legal age along with many of my friends who follow my Tumblr. Before I begin to post anything concerning this new gameplay I wanted to warn the concerned people that this story might contain some NSFW (Not Safe For Work) subjects, but nothing too heavy like pedophilia or incest or any other messed up stuff similar to this. Now this story is not entirely family-friendly so I will just classify it as SFW (Safe For Work - which means subjects that are alright for adults and older teens). I do not want to talk about mature or X stuff, that is just not my thing, but please know that there might still be posts heavier than others. I also want to clarify that I will never show anything graphic (like pornography or violence whether it is light or extreme, rape or anything like this). I’d rather respect the fact that a part of my audience is younger and I will never show or illustrate anything that could cause any sort of trauma. I intend this story to be very emotional but nothing destructive. Characters will still have their own story and if there is heavy stuff (such as death - which will happen since it is a subject people are pretty much aware of, it is a natural thing after all). There will be trigger warnings and it will also be storied implicitly: like I said, nothing too extreme or graphic will be shown so you do not have to worry about it. If you have anything that triggers you such as death, psychological harassment, homophobia, light nudity or anything else or if you are under the age of 18, I suggest you do not read this story, just so that everyone is happy and feel safe. The story will be tagged as #HOOS so you can block this tag if you wish. If you want to follow up to the story but still have some trigger warnings, DM me about it and I will tell when I’m going to post anything related to subjects that might be sensible to you. I am myself, 17 years old and I will not write fucked up stuff so, you don’t have to feel unsafe from reading my stories in any way. That is not my intention which is why I’m writing this post: to prevent anything or anyone of feeling hurt in any way. 

Be safe y’all, I want you all to feel welcome and not assaulted in any way on this blog. Therewith, I wish you all a good day / evening / night ! ♡

* If anything isn’t really clear to you, you can send me an ask or a private message if you wish !

[traincat]

While talking about mcu spider-man I said that I didn’t like how they infantilized him and named a few other changes I disliked (I wasn’t bashing him just saying I was dissatisfied), she said, “but that’s how he was in the comics.” I didn’t want to come off like a jerk by correcting her and it wasn’t that important so I just moved on lol. Do you talk about comics irl and, if so, how do you generally respond to people who have firm opinions about comics they haven’t read without being shitty.

I’ve had the Homecoming discussion a little irl. It’s a very different dynamic talking about it one on one, in a lot of ways more uncomfortable than talking about it online, even if the conversation is civil on both sides. Usually when I’m talking about comics with people irl they’re people who also know me online, too, so we’re generally aware of each other’s opinions in that regard.

Here’s the thing: it’s very hard to convince someone who has firm opinions about something they haven’t read if they’re not receptive to the idea that they might be wrong, which can, you know, be generally hard for us as humans. Short of tying your friend to a chair and showing her a slideshow of all your favorite Peter Parker moments (not recommended, legally), it can be very difficult. It sounds like you want to get your point across as politely and non-confrontationally as possible; is it possible for you to recommend or loan her some comics you particularly like, or that you think are a good example of 616 Peter’s personality? I personally recommend Kraven’s Last Hunt: it’s atmospheric and intense, the Peter voice is great, and it’s a very self-contained story. The Death of Jean DeWolff is also good – it’s a murder mystery, and if your friend likes Daredevil, he plays an important part in it, so that could be an extra hook. If your friend is open to reading some comics, then afterwards you can sit down and be like “I like x and y about Peter in the comics, and I felt it was lacking from the MCU,” etc, and then your friend might have a better idea of what you’re talking about. Alternatively, if your friend doesn’t want to read comics, if you can politely but firmly say, “But I have read the comics, and I disagree with that statement,” that’s an option too. 

I’ve said this before, but is very, very easy to feel like you know all about Spider-Man comics before you read them. This is true of a lot of comics, but especially Spider-Man. I mean, we’re inundated with his image. A lot of people generally feel like they know him without reading the comics, because he’s Spider-Man! He’s a cultural icon! Yadda yadda Uncle Ben, yadda yadda he’s young, yadda yadda jokes. Your friend has repeatedly been told this is what Peter’s like, and, besides the fact that you’re her friend and she should value your input and opinion, she has little reason to believe otherwise, because like I mentioned in a different post, there are a lot of people out there – popular people, whose opinions are widely circulated – who speak about Spider-Man with a lot of authority while simultaneously making it clear to anybody who has read Spider-Man that they either don’t know what they’re talking about or are being willfully ignorant of the facts for whatever reason. It’s why it’s very important to me personally that I cite comics by issue number and that I provide as much context as I can, usually in the form of panels. I don’t know your friend, but I know the trend of infantilizing Spider-Man in fandom, and in her defense it is very widespread, very concrete, and very easy to fall into. Ten years ago it wasn’t nearly as bad and I still fell into it before I started reading Spider-Man. (I’m not saying you have to read everything, or even anything, to talk about a character in a fannish space, but if you’re going to label yourself an expert on the comics specifically and present yourself as an authority, you should like, probably know that he was married for decades, or that there is a cloth version of the black suit, or when Venom debuted, just to name some examples I’ve seen.)

I’m going to give two examples of how people ignore context and how that leads to the infantilization of Peter due to a genuine lack of familiarity, using two different sets of panels I’ve seen used in actual posts promoting the idea that this is what Peter is really like in the comics. They might be useful if you try and talk to your friend about it again; I’ve tried to break down the way information gets twisted around, and how we can avoid it. More under the cut, because it got long.

1) Ignoring context:

Amazing Spider-Man v3 (2014) #2. So in this scene, which takes place shortly after Peter has gotten his body back from Doc Ock’s bodysnatching extravaganza in Superior Spider-Man, he shows up at the Avengers tower with cookies, saying he brought some for everyone. The implication then, if you look at these panels on their lonesome, which is how I recently saw them presented in a tweet I may or may not have quotetweeted with the truth, is that he baked cookies for the Avengers. The tweet attached to these panels was about how the MCU’s version of Peter is clearly just like the comics, because he does stuff like this. What a nice boy. (I don’t remember anyone baking anything in Homecoming, sidenote.)

Let’s tackle the first half of that problem, if you actually read the issue, which is that he did not bake the cookies.

Anna Maria Marconi, who was deceived by Doc Ock into thinking she was in a relationship with the real Peter Parker, baked the cookies. She thinks better when she’s cooking. (As for the fact that Peter ended up bringing the cookies – aside from the fact that I don’t think Slott in the best Spider-Man writer in the world, to say the least, this is a man who was a high school teacher, and a well-liked one. He knows enough about bringing some for the whole class.)

Now, let’s tackle the second part, which is that almost immediately after Peter shows up with the cookies Anna Maria made, he finds out that Captain America kept (government secret) information pertaining to one of his closest friends from him. So he hits him in the face.

Which is pretty standard operating procedure for Mr. Machismo Issues. The tweet I saw, which had a not insignificant amount of retweets and likes, did not give context. It did not say that Anna Maria baked the cookies, and not Peter. It did not mention that in the same scene, Peter punches Captain America in the face over information that, honestly, Steve was not at liberty to discuss with him, being that it involved classified government information, and that Peter felt entitled to because it involved someone Peter loves dearly. It didn’t even give an issue number so that people who were intrigued by the content, however irresponsibly I would suggest it was presented, could go and look up the issue for their own enjoyment. It posted a series of panels out of context and said, “and that’s why the MCU’s version of Peter is just like the one in the comics.” And that’s a problem.

“You know you’re not wearing the armor right now, right?” vs “I’m nothing without this suit.” (Amazing Spider-Man #522) If you prefer one character over the other, that’s your prerogative, and I mean that sincerely. But MCU Spider-Man and 616 Spider-Man are very different characters. It’s understandable that people who want content for one might not enjoy content built around the other, and that goes in both directions.

By denying context, it is very easy to build the narrative that you want. It’s something I’m very aware of when I post panels and meta. And maybe the person who posted that tweet only had those panels – maybe someone gave that to them, without context, or they simply saw it posted elsewhere on its own, and they were drawing conclusions based on the evidence they were given. But that in itself is a problem, too: when people are denied context, they form it however they can.

2) Jumping to conclusions:

Amazing Spider-Man v2 #52. Oh boy, this scene. This scene is easy to misinterpret, because unlike the example I gave above, it needs a lot more context than just two other pages. I saw a general Spider-Man blog post this once, which would not have been my call, but hey, everyone gets to post what they want, and that’s why this website looks like it does. (badumpsh) Understandably, because Peter is portrayed as uncomfortable by this sexy stewardess’ advances, and because the common perception of Spider-Man is as a young teenager, someone replied, “Smart boy! He’s only 16.” That person was commenting with the best of intentions, based around the knowledge they possessed at the time, and complicated by the fact that this period of Amazing Spider-Man uses lower case letters, a lettering trait commonly used in the Ultimate universe, where Peter in fact is 15. So if you’re not familiar with the comic, the scene becomes that this woman is acting predatory towards an underaged boy. This is why I personally would not have posted it by itself, because it is very easy to misread the situation.

What’s actually going on here is that Peter, who is in his mid-to-late 20s, who has been married to Mary Jane for years, who had a child with her (that child died), is uncomfortable with this woman’s advances for two reasons: one, she is being paid to make those advances. Peter is at this time in canon working for a mob boss and being paid quite handsomely to defend him from a radioactive zombie hulk monster, and doing so under the logic that he would defend the man anyway so he might as well get paid for it. (He would later use the money for charitable causes.) The mob boss is flying Peter out on his private plane, and he is essentially pimping this woman out to him as a bonus perk. It’s understandable why Peter would turn her down firmly. The second reason is that, after a long separation, he has only just gotten back together with Mary Jane, and he’s trying to behave as best as he can because he wants to stay together with Mary Jane. The joke is predicated on the reader’s knowledge of that, along with their understanding that in comics Peter Parker is, how shall we say, an avid appreciator of the female form.

(Spectacular Spider-Man #162)

(Amazing Spider-Man #606)

(Amazing Spider-Man #357)

(Spider-Man Unlimited #21)

(Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #5)

(Amazing Spider-Man #519)

(Peter Parker v2 #19)

Yes, that’s a tasteful full length nude poster of his wife he’s got there in his room. But the point is, if you don’t read comics, you have no way of knowing this. You only know what people who are widely recirculated say about Spider-Man, and many of the widely circulated opinions are from people who don’t read comics. And that’s frustrating to me, and I don’t know what to do about it other than talk about it, and talk about the comics, and make the issue numbers and information as accessible to people as I can, because I love this character, and I love how weird and complicated and individual and angry and loving he is, and I want to see him represented more. Because the infantilization of Spider-Man didn’t start with the MCU. Fandom is more visible than it’s ever been, and fandom created this characterization first. I saw it years before Marvel Studios acquired the rights back. The MCU only capitalized on what they saw people claiming Spider-Man should be all along. But it’s not who Peter is in the comics when he is written his best, which is responsible, mature, incredibly complicated, frequently serious, and extremely individual. 

I hope you can have a good conversation with your friend about it, anon.

[authenticparanoidghosts]

here’s a very long d&d story about the time my party used volleyball skills to become a god.  for @komodoclassic, because she asked

this is a story in three parts

part i - a brief introduction of major characters and setting

okay so this was our big sophomore year campaign that lasted from first semester on over into part of second semester

really good campaign, our DM put a lot of work into it and we love him, but we had so many players that we had to split into two groups who both played the same world on the same timeline which was a huge fantastic mess

it ended bc the group I was in got a total party kill fighting a lizard with a magic eyeball (a totally different story - I was playing a hot tree and I might have killed him on my own after the rest of the party died if he hadn’t had that fucking entourage) and the other group killed the interdimensional asshole/refugee guy my party was actually trying to help

anyways, important characters in this story:

our DM, who I will not refer to by name even though I do tag him by name sometimes. I love to be inconsistent 

me, playing my first character for this campaign (who did survive! she had to be retired before the lizard TPK for other nonsense reasons), a dwarf paladin named Taxes

Taxes (real name: Ataxite Tellus) was from a family of swindlers and petty criminals and was forced to leave her life of burglary and scamming when her parents got paid off to have someone take the fall for murdering The Very Important Mayor Of The Big Island Of This Archipelago Country and decided to frame her for it

instead of going to jail like she was supposed to, she was like “fuck this” and fled to a different island where she dyed her hair and put on a bandana like an old west outlaw and spitefully decided to dedicate her life to Not Being A Huge Asshole 

obviously the way to do this is by taking some (k)night classes and becoming a paladin

Taxes is not a very good paladin

her god is Deimos, who does fire and war and justice and out of all the gods we met during the campaign (which was honestly a shocking amount) he was the nicest to us

our DM said he (Deimos) got briefly famous on the d&d reddit - partially because of this story and partially because of the stunts we were pulling immediately before it

anyways it’s important that you know that Taxes is from a family of criminals and just genuinely not very good at her job

one of my roommates, playing an elven wizard/lich whose name was Faenor but went exclusively by Gregg

good things to know about Gregg: she and Taxes had a classic straight man/banana man dynamic where she would try to do terrible ridiculous criminal things and Taxes would loudly protest but do very little to stop her

a friend, playing a dwarf paladin/cleric named Yule Marbles

Yule also followed Deimos and she and Taxes had an elaborate prayer handshake that they’d made up that gave them DM-sanctioned bonuses to religion checks

our party prayed basically exclusively to Deimos and eventually gained new player characters who ALSO followed him so after a point we just kind of paraded around the world as Deimos’ Favorite Idiots

part ii - volleyball

alright those are the people you need to know, let’s set the scene

our party needs to flee Dinosaur Hell Island where we have just solved the mystery we were summoned to help investigate and also accidentally started a war

quick trivia: Taxes (me) got mocked CONSTANTLY through the campaign bc she kept ACCIDENTALLY STARTING WARS

BAD PALADIN BEHAVIOR

but I did get a joke proficiency in starting wars which I later convinced the DM to let me use to benefit the party, so who’s laughing now, motherfucker

(the final count was that at LEAST three (3) legitimate, real-ass wars could be traced directly back to my actions as Taxes, as well as a couple other events that I would prefer to call “skirmishes” or “battles” that happened more indirectly.  I refuse to count Malcolm’s not-so-legal battle for the deed to hell because 1) I did NOT help that guy, I just said I would, and 2) that was his problem and he started it)

we are leaving without telling anyone what we’ve found out

because they’re going to kill us, probably

you know. because of the war. that we started. on their already incredibly politically fraught island

the point is that we solved the goddamn mystery despite being absolutely terrible detectives and we FINALLY get to leave

we’ve been playing this part of the campaign for weeks and we’re all very tired of it

also the player who was intended to take point on the investigation (her hot mentor/maybe boyfriend? was the one who had called us there) had died pretty early on doing a pretty risky stunt involving a shark and an underwater cave, so we were just muddling through it

and we kept “”accidentally”” insulting people by stealing things (dinosaurs) and getting caught trying to break into things (sacred temples) and just generally being rude (Yule REALLY didn’t like the fey and I was briefly cursed by a swamp hag)

and, again, we started that war

we really need to skip town

a very unfortunate ship had crashed on the island a couple days previously and some of the people on it are very powerful sorcerers who we (really just Xenon, the half-orc fighter and everyone’s very best friend) have convinced to teleport us off the island

we just need to hide out on their beach and kill some time until the teleportation circle is ready

“do you want to take a rest?” the DM asks

“we should play beach volleyball,” someone else says, at the exact same time

resting is for suckers who are afraid of the very angry lizard people who want to kill us

we vote unanimously to play beach volleyball

the DM graciously decides that, in the interest of comedy, we have all the materials we need and won’t have to, like, sit down and weave a net

we break into two teams of four. team names are quickly decided to be The Hotdogs vs. The Hamburglars 

after the party split our group retained “hamburglars” as our group chat name because our threshold for what entertains us is embarrassingly low

there are eight of us, so we’re playing four-on-four

the makeup of the teams isn’t important (and I can’t remember them), but know that we’re a half-orc, a tiefling, a middle-school-age human girl, an adult human man, two dwarves, an undead elf, and a fishperson

we spend a decent amount of time coming up with rules necessary to let us play volleyball

it’s mostly dexterity checks and rolling a d4 to see what quadrant of the court the ball lands in

some of our group doesn’t know the rules to actual volleyball and they have to be explained

listen. this is possibly the nerdiest thing I’ve ever done. I’m willing to acknowledge that, you don’t need to tell me.

anyways, ultimately the outcome of the game doesn’t matter (the Hamburglars won) and neither does how good or bad anyone was at rolling for imaginary volleyball (we fucking crushed the Hotdogs)

the point is that we played it and were so charmed by it that we would not forget about our new skills. we would remember them in our hour of need.

part iii - now I am (accidentally) become (NOT ACTUALLY A) god, destroyer of pirates

imagine there’s a timeskip

like, uh, two weeks later in game time at MOST

the group has split in real life, so my group is now Taxes, Yule, Gregg, Roswell (delightful fishperson), and another guy who stopped coming regularly and then was later replaced by another guy who doesn’t really become important until later, when we try to help a dimension-hopping dicklick by killing a lizard and stealing his eyeball

his character’s name was Yashirou and he’s not in this at all but it’s important that you know that by the time he died he had been partially transformed into so many different things that he was achingly close to being classified as an abomination and also was probably going to be fired from his job as a space cop

anyways, it’s a new day and a new session

actually, it’s probably like 11 pm. this will be relevant later

Taxes, Gregg, and Yule are the only player characters present because Roswell was busy or something

we’re on a new continent, hanging out with Taxes’ younger sister, Olivine

Olivine has also split from their parents and now runs an all-female gang of pirates who steal from the two much BIGGER gangs of pirates and also the trading federation and then sells whatever they’ve captured to the anti-government faction of the civil war that’s currently happening on the continent

this civil war is the only war currently going on/about to start where the root causes are NOT my fault in any way because when the thing that caused the circumstances that are creating unrest happened, Taxes had her hands over her ears and was humming loudly bc she knew she’d be morally obligated to do something if someone told her what was going on

right now, both major gangs of pirates and the trading federation are also all currently at war with each other

this is my fault

nobody but Gregg and Yule know it’s my fault, though, so I’m only in danger of being mocked for it

anyways we’re hanging out with my sister

doing crime

well, Gregg is doing crime.  Taxes and Yule are paladins so they’re just protecting their good friend Gregg from people who might try to do her harm.  it’s an airtight excuse, thank you

we’re actually on the continent because we’re traveling to visit Yule’s wife and son

so my sister and her gang (and us) have recently stolen a bunch of supplies from a guy named Scipio who is, we’ve been told, a Huge Asshole

Olivine’s gang is going to pay some local sailors to run the supplies up to the northern part of the continent which is both where the rebels are based and where Yule’s family lives

so ofc we’re on one boat (chock full of magical items we have recently lit a perfectly nice wizard on fire to steal) and two of the girl gang members are on the other (full of, like, food I think) providing security and acting as Olivine’s representatives for the deal they’re trying to make with the rebel camp

things are going well

we’re just sailing, no big deal

except, you know, like the first rule of d&d is Never Get On A Boat

and we are definitely on a boat

undeniably on a boat

on a boat full of MANY stolen goods

so ofc a couple hours into our trip, a bigger, faster ship sails up behind us. a bigger, faster ship with very official looking flags

it’s a gang of pirate enforcers (from one of the big two gangs) and they are presumably here to rob the shit out of us

“oh shit” we say, and look over at the other boat where the only NPCs who can help us also appear to be mouthing oh shit

“well,” someone says (me), “I think we can talk our way out of this”

I like to think I’m optimistic (and sometimes I find combat boring)

I prefer to try to lie my ass off to get us out of bad situations

we let the pirates board

things to know:

previous to this adventure on this continent, Taxes had gained the ability to see the names of everyone she meets, Death Note style

also she has a new helmet

more on the helmet later

Yule, who had been wearing Custom Order Rose Gold Plate Armor with the symbol of Deimos (god of LAW and JUSTICE) inscribed in the front and a cake recipe on the back, had been persuaded to take it off and hide it below decks so she looks less like the paladin/cleric she is

Gregg and Taxes look sketchy as hell all the time so they’re not worried

“hey, uh, what’s the plan?” someone asks, moments before the pirates climb onto our ship

“we are also pirates now,” Taxes says

“what”

“we are specifically the same sort of pirates they are because they’re not going to rob one of their own boats,” Taxes says, because she has the actor feat and is willing to use it

“alright, sounds good,” Gregg says, because she loves deception and can just blast the shit out of anyone with her wizard powers if things go south

so we let the pirates board

guy #1 (the only important pirate in this story) is obviously in charge and probably wearing an outfit that makes him look like a douche

he’s a huge douche which we find out immediately and also again later

you’ll see

he starts in on us, threatening everyone, asking our business and clearly winding up to start demanding that we put our hands on our heads and show him where our gold is

“Harrison,” Taxes says

she can see that his name is Harrison with her magic eyes

“Harrison, please, you’ve got the wrong boat”

Harrison - and everyone with him - about swallows his tongue in surprise that she’s addressing him by name

later we find out from the DM that at work he goes by something incredibly silly like Inflammis or Incindior or Combustus or something

none of the other pirates know his name is really Harrison

“who the fuck are you” the pirates, rather reasonably, want to know

“representatives of Lady Blackwing herself,” Gregg says, because we have a hold full of treasure we’ve literally just stolen from this exact group of pirates the day before and nothing to lose

Gregg is basically impossible to kill and should not be allowed to make decisions for the party, but we never learned

we attempt to convince Harrison that we are, in fact, pirates and that we do, actually, work for his boss (Lady Blackwing)

our story is that we’re secret profiteers who are selling things on the black market to both armies in order to fill Lady Blackwing’s pockets with gold

I’m sure you remember there’s a civil war about to get started

“what the fuck is a secret profiteer?” Harrison wants to know

“well,” we say, “we’d tell you, but how do we know you’re high enough up in the organization to have clearance for that information?” heavily implying that he’s a chump for not recognizing us

oooo, burn

Harrison is, of course, not fooled by this

so we send Yule down to the hold to get something to prove that we have our own cargo (that we definitely didn’t steal from them)

Yule comes back, arms full of Custom Order Rose Gold Plate Armor with the symbol of Deimos (god of LAW and JUSTICE) inscribed in the front and a cake recipe on the back, and we roll JUST barely high enough to convince him that we have our own goods and we might, in fact, be pirates who are on his team and he probably should try not to rob us 

so Harrison, a little dazed and definitely pissed off (we were not very polite to him), goes back to his ship

the pirates who have boarded the other vessel also go back to their ship

we start trying to sail the hell out of there as fast as possible

the other boat we’re traveling with sails up next to us and our NPC friends wave us over

“what the FUCK did you tell them?” hot girl gang member who can, like, literally smite things (she was clearly the muscle of the group) asks us 

“we convinced them we were also pirates,” we say

“oh shit” she says

their boat has convinced the pirates that they’re just merchants

turns out the pirates really are looking for the people who robbed them yesterday

for revenge

that’s us. they want revenge on us.

we decide to sail faster

it’s too late, though, because the pirate ship is sailing after us again and we already know they’re capable of catching us

“should we fire the canons?” someone asks, unsure if our boats even HAVE canons

“you should roll initiative,” the DM says, not at all like it’s a suggestion

we’re in combat

on Harrison’s first turn, he hits us with a level 7 fireball

turns out he’s a wizard and he’s very mad at us

Infernus, his work name was probably Infernus

we’re understandably furious about being on fire

there is some shouting that he probably cannot hear

now we get turns

two of us are paladins who don’t really have ranged attacks, and the other one of us is Gregg

the NPCs can do some cool shit but this has dragged on long enough so I will not mention them

“hm,” Gregg says, and tries to light them on fire back (it doesn’t work)

“oh dear,” Yule says, and attempts to fire a canon at them (turns out we do have them)

“I’d like to use my magic hat,” Taxes says, because she REALLY doesn’t want anymore 7th level spells being thrown around and now seems like a good a time as any to figure out what the hat does

“oh my god,” says the DM

“oh my god, really?” he looks delighted

this is the first inkling we get that Taxes’ magic hat is maybe more powerful than any item we ever should have been given

ABOUT THE HAT

previous to this adventure (after Dinosaur Hell Island), Gregg went house shopping and we ended up stealing a fortress carved into a meteor (located in a plane I think our DM might have made up that was basically space) from a Beholder 

after clearing the Beholder and most of its minions out from our future home, we went through it and found a whole bunch of loot.  most notably a rock with a weird marking on it, a shield, and a helmet

the rock went to Gregg who owned the house and when she picked it up the markings moved to her arm and gave her sort of a sick sleeve tattoo that I think boosted all her necrotic spells or something

goth as FUCK

Xenon, the fighter and our very good friend, got the shield and I honestly don’t think we ever figured out what it did

Taxes got the Helmet of War

she’s a paladin of the god of war (and justice and fire), so why not

it’s just a normal-looking helmet and it gave +1 to armor class and our DM had me roll a d4 to see how many charges it had

the helmet had 4 charges, and we did an arcana check but all we learned was that it would summon “an avatar of war”

cool, I thought, like a spirit or something that can fight with me in battle

well

we didn’t bother to investigate any further

“I’d like to use my magic hat,” Taxes says, thinking that an avatar of war might be able to fly and go attack Harrison from a distance

“oh my god,” says the DM, and from the light in his eyes you’d think one of us had just gotten down on one knee for him

“are you sure,” he asks in the DM Voice, and Taxes just shrugs because even if it doesn’t work, at least they’ll know what the hat does, right?

“yeah,” Taxes says, “I activate my magic hat”

“oh my god,” the DM says, and starts furiously writing something down

we wait with interest because we’re starting to get the feeling that the hat does something cool

who’d have thought

“okay,” he says, after a minute

“Taxes starts to glow and she steps off the ship,” he says

“what,” I say, because I’m wearing plate armor and don’t trust myself to roll high enough not to drown because of it

“a giant, 50 foot tall, glowing Taxes forms around her”

“what,” I say

“you’re standing on top of the water, piloting this giant spectral form from the inside”

“what,” I say

“your strength and dex are both 30 and you have 100 additional health,” he says.  “it’ll last for 10 minutes or until the 100 health are depleted”

“what,” we all say

“what would you like to do, avatar of war?” he asks

oh, I’M the avatar of war

THAT’S what the hat does

Taxes raises her arm and points at the pirate ship

HARRISON, she yells, in a voice that’s 50 feet tall and also glowing

the intimidation roll is a nat 20

Gregg does a perception check and the DM assures us that Harrison has peed himself

we all feel very smug

“I want that ship,” I say to the DM

“you- what?” he asks

“I want to have that ship. I’m going to pick up it up,” I say

“oh my god,” he says

“roll strength for it,” he says

Taxes rolls a nat 20 to pick up the ship

the second nat 20 in a row

all four of us are literally shaking with excitement

she scoops up the ship with one huge, glowing hand, and heaves it up to eye level

down on our boat, Gregg and Yule are going absolutely ape

Gregg is screaming encouragement, Yule is on the verge of ecstatic tears

this is also exactly how we feel in real life

“what do you want to do with the boat?” the DM says

“uhh,” I say, because I hadn’t thought that far ahead

we all contemplate the situation

“you could dropkick it,” someone says

“oh my god,” I say

we look at the DM

“roll something,” he says, because no one wants to see what’s about to happen more than he does

natural 20

the third one

in a row

this will probably never happen to me again, ever, in my life

all four of us are shouting at once, we’re on the verge of hysteria

I’m in tears

it’s nearly 1 am and we’re acting like we’ve won the superbowl 

this is the best possible outcome the magic hat could have had

“how do you want to do this?” the DM asks, which is his special ‘I’m going to give you gays everything you want’ phrase that usually means we get to decide the finishing blow for an enemy

“actually,” I say, “can I jump serve it?”

“oh my god,” someone says

that’s right.  beach volleyball, motherfuckers

“yes,” he says

50 foot Taxes tosses the boat into the air

takes a beautiful run-up

and spikes a boat full of pirates so hard that it soars over the coastline and crashes well inland

“wow,” the DM says.  “I’m gonna need some time to figure out how much experience this get you”

later, once he’s got it figured out, it will be enough to give Taxes two levels instantaneously as well as giving Gregg and Yule one each

Taxes goes back to the boats she’s been traveling with

EVERYONE on board is losing their goddamn minds

Yule and Taxes decide to ride the high and take a moment to make an extra big prayer to their god to thank him for the magic hat because it’s so incredibly baller

the roll is not a nat 20, but a holy fire descends upon Mega Taxes and the symbol of Deimos appears over her huge, spectral breastplate

Attack of the Fifty Foot Taxes decides to just pick up the ships she’s traveling with and carry them as far as her remaining 9 minutes of avatar time will get her

“what day is it,” I ask the DM as we’re doing this, because we’re tracking exactly what day it is in-game and it’s fun to know

“june 21st,” he says, after flipping through his notes

“huh,” someone says, “that’s the summer solstice”

“oh my god,” he says

you’ll never guess which patron deity’s major holiday is celebrated on the summer solstice

that’s a lie, you get one guess

it’s Deimos, god of fire and justice and war and being AWESOME as HELL

so

a giant, glowing figure of a dwarf in battered armor with the symbol of Deimos blazing on their chest was seen walking across the ocean just offshore of a major continent that is currently on the cusp of all-out civil war on the morning of Demios’ holy day

it’s just Taxes, who really only does these things on accident or on impulse in the heat of the moment

but the people of the continent don’t know that 

soon, after reaching our destination and starting off on foot towards the village where Yule’s wife lives, we start hearing rumors about the return of Deimos, the Real Ass God

this is what makes the third war my fault

the rumors are never disproven and people continue to believe that Deimos Really Did That until the day we called it quits

“oh my god,” Taxes, a very grudging paladin, says in horror, adjusting her bandana more firmly over her face

“oh my god,” says Gregg, who knows exactly how she’s going to be introducing her friend to the next person they meet

[unicorn-incorporated]

On Gender in ABOs

It’s so interesting thinking about gender in ABO works.

Note:  ABOs have a lot of variety.  I’ve tried to make this pretty generic, but you may not agree with everything I have to say.  That’s just how ABO is; sorry.  This is basically just one universe of ABO

The formula you tend to see in ABO is a small fraction of the population is classified as Alpha or Omega and most people are just betas.  At least 60% of the population are Betas in fics that I’ve read.  So, I’ll talk about Betas first.

Betas.

If a beta shows up in an ABO it’s usually the Omega MC camouflaging as a NPC type character; a police officer, mother, clerk etc, so few explore what it means to be a Beta, so most of this is mine.

I imagine Betas, being the majority for a biological reason have drives unique to them, just like a Alpha’s urge to conquer and have kids, or an Omega’s drive to keep home, take care of kids, and protect their families.  I imagine Betas having a draw to steady, salaryman style work.  Any ambition they have to climb the corporate ladder comes from themselves, not their biology.  

Beta’s biology does not press them to mate or exact major changes in the world around them, but to work and keep society stable.  Personalities of Betas often vary greatly and therefor temperaments and wants of course, but in a world where there is so much biological, primal drive it only makes sense for Betas to have their own drives.

I see Omegas and Alphas having biological drive to seek out physical touch, companionship and cuddling, whereas Betas feel no need to touch each other (but still might find touch comforting.  It depends.)  I see Betas feeling anxiety when unemployed, even if said Betas is lazy and does not want to work.  I see Alphas as biologically inclined to be managers and CEOs, but a Beta happy to work as a functionary or a badass engineer underneath an Alpha supervisor without much thought of climbing up.  

Alphas and Omegas feel the need to procreate and have lots of children, because their children are usually unusually healthy.  Betas may feel desires to have children and start families just like any other person.  But while the typical Omega is siring their 5th child a Beta couple is sending their only one off to college.  I see Betas as just as sexually adventurous as Alpha/Omega couples, even more so considering they’re not often locked into the power imbalance of those relationships.

They are the workers, the majority, the keepers of the world.  They are much more important than Omegas and Alphas in a lot of ways, because they’re the ones that do everything.  There’s got to be a reason there are so many of them compared to Alphas and Omegas.  

Yet, there’s often a huge imbalance of Alphas in power, not just to Omegas but to especially to Betas when compared to the world’s actual populous.  Alphas are often biologically natural leaders and more aggressive so they often end up in positions of authority.  This means a minority of people may end up as a far majority in seats of government.  What does this mean for most of the population who are not Alphas?  How does being an Alpha effect their priorities?

Alphas

The ratio of Alpha to Omega (to Beta) is different in every story, but I find in apocalyptic worlds (that are fascinating all in their own, but not what I’m talking about.) the ratio is about equal.  I’ve seem 60:20:20, 80:15:10 90:5:5, etc etc, and these ratios can change the world an incredible amount.  In any case, Alphas are a minority, and are the gender on top of the food chain.

What are Alphas, other than the second most likely to be the protagonist of your ABO fic?  Well, in most stories Alphas are characterized by their bigger frames, greater physical strength, aggression, and desire to mate and give their Omega lots of children.  In many fics Alphas go through periodic ruts similar to an Omega’s heat, or have a chance if they get really into the sex to go into a rut state.  My Alphas also are generally very territorial and possessive, and not just over their Omegas.  Other variations will die without Omega partners, which I love, but will not include in the Alphas I am mostly talking about.

Alphas in works are portrayed as very primal, especially when it comes to sex.  The smell of an Omega’s heat may make them lose control, they prowl instead of walk, and are generally the apex predator.  A large part of the Alpha cultural identity is that they are aggressive badasses.  Think an extreme version of our culture’s masculinity.  Alphas are often portrayed as either masterminds or...  Not so bright.  It is generally seen as normal Alpha behavior to think with your dick...  Or something else, depending on how you portray your female Alphas.

This doesn’t mean that all Alphas are or are expected to be super aggressive all the time.  Alphas often have care taking instincts along with their regular taking instincts.  In the ABO’s I write this is something that is shown in the closed door of a nest, however, and it would be weird to see an Alpha do these things outside of the mating.  Alphas have the power in the world and generally can move mountains by looking at them, but they actually have the smallest amount of freedom to have the different personalities they inevitably have.  

Alphas have biological drives that make up a lot more of their cultural visage than the Betas I mentioned earlier.  As mentioned before, Alphas want to mate. They are virile and want to bear as many happy healthy little children as possible, as fast as possible.  Alphas also feel the biological need to be at the top, whether it be of their high school clique or the government.  They often don’t get on well with other Alphas because of this.  If an Alpha does not feel the need to be dominant over others it is seen as being submissive, which is generally a humiliating and dangerous thing to be seen as if you are an Alpha.

Before I continue on to what Alpha’s uneven power dynamic with the entire world can mean, I’m going to talk about Alphas gender expectations and it’s parallels to toxic masculinity.  Fun!

Many of the traits associated with ‘Alpha’, be it a male or female Alpha, are the exact same traits you’ll find labeled as ‘toxic’ forms of masculinity.  In ABOs it is expected for an Alpha to own and mate their Omega and an Omega mate publicly disagreeing with an Alpha could be an awful humiliation for Alphas.  The slightest sign of backing down is seen as a sign of submission to other Alphas, and Alphas who show ‘Omega’ traits (as there’s a lot more judgement by secondary gender here than male or female) could find themselves ganged up on by other Alphas either psychologically or physically.  It’s really a fine line here, at least in the way I’ve read things; be nice to your Omega, that’s a good thing as long as it’s still your Omega, but make sure you’re strong and dominant or you’re not any good as an Alpha.”  With the internet, a single mistake could ruin your life.  So remember Alphas, be a strong, proud, sexual being, and don’t forget to be dominant!  

Once an Alpha gets on top they generally will want to stay there.  This explains why Alphas are so disproportionate in government and other leadership positions.  So what does this mean for the rest of our fantasy world?  Though I am not a master in political sciences or gender studies, I do have a few thoughts.

One; Alphas care for Alphas first and foremost, and Betas second.  Alphas because of their bias as being an Alpha, Betas because they are the voter base. Two; There is often a fair amount of discourse and heated debate in congresses and parliament between Alphas, of which Betas are often left out of and Omegas are forced from if they try to speak within it.  These debates usually are resolved between the present Alphas, however, and it does not necessarily end in calling of all partizans! Three; Alphas, because of their biological drive to mate (and be the dominant partner to Omegas) often screw Omegas over when it comes to things like ‘Human rights.’  Omegas often have to fight tooth and nail to get recognition for even small things.  You’ll see countless fics where Omegas are forced to mate at a certain age, are not allowed to hold positions of power, or are even subjected to slavery and it’s all good and legal, nothing to see here ^-^’  Not all worlds are like this, and many set in modern day will have Omega rights start to reflect woman’s rights here in our non-fictional universe, but it’s probably time to talk about Omegas and how much it usually sucks to be one.

Omega

Yes, here we are!  The gender most likely to be a protagonist.  Beautiful boys who self lubricate and can bear children--It’s a dream!  Alright; lets say you’re an Omega.  Here’s what you have to look forward to!

(Tw for rape. )

So, you’re an Omega in World One.  You wake up and realize it’s your 16th birthday and you will have to choose a mate today.  You don’t really want to choose a mate; you’ve been hoping to avoid this.  Luckily, you are the protagonist!  You get away from the old ugly Alpha before he bites you, and go on an adventure, and meet another Omega!

Unfortunately, you are the only one who is the protagonist.  Everyone else gets forced into an arranged marriage and probably raped if they’re not a fan of their chosen husband.

So, you’re an Omega in World Two.  You live a pretty normal life, though being an Omega makes life considerably harder.  You have to fend off Alpha advances constantly and most of your omega friends are not in healthy relationships.  Luckily, you are the protagonist!  You find the perfect Alpha and life is going great actually and this was a cute smutty romance story.

As you happily hold your stomach, your best friend cries alone in her bedroom, because her mate that’s meant to love and cherish her sees her as an object, and a useless one since she hasn’t even gotten pregnant, and that means she is terribly damaged in the eyes of society and he’s just going to try again and again until it catches.

So, you’re an Omega in World Three.  You’ve managed to live as a Beta all your life, and you’ve been found out.  An agency has taken you away where you will be forced to bear children.  Luckily you are--Wait.  Not even being the protagonist will save you from this one.  Sorry!  You’re screwed.

But really; what’s with all the rape and objectification of Omegas?  I have read fics with all of those premises and enjoyed them, but god damn there is a lot of rape culture with Omegas.  It makes sense considering biology and how these societies work, but holy fucking shit.

(End TW)

So lets say we remove the rape culture from the story.  What now?  Well, first off, lets talk about what an Omega actually is.  Like we did for the other ones before going on dark tangents.

The Omega is the third gender of an ABO.  They are super fertile, generally naturally submissive.  More often than not a male will be portrayed as the Omega character shown, but it could just as well be a girl.  Omegas usually have lots of issues being treated as equal members of society; there’s a lot of parallels to woman’s liberation I’m pretty sure but I haven’t done enough research on that to draw proper parallels.

There are biological reasons for why Omegas have less opportunities and rights.  I’d argue that Omegas should not be in the military.  Omegas might be just as capable as an Alpha to be combat effective, but in the end their heat is a ticking time bomb (especially if suppressants or unstable or even taken orally.  It could be a major liability.)  Other things like government or commerce however; Omegas are not impaired for that.  

Omegas are obviously, from the perspective of the reader, people.  However, it is common in fiction to see Omegas being seen as objects, things that can be possessed and owned.

I’ve seen Omegas and the injustices done towards them explored the most in actual ABOs, so I’m a little less inclined to talk in length about it here.

Anyways, these are just my opinions and only a small corner of ABO.

Depending on how much time I have I might do one on LGBT+ issues in Omegaverse worlds, but that just delves farther into head canon and this is long enough.