#like it needs to be one-sided for Peak Comedy

[hwajin]

☆°. — silly boyfie things | skz

genre: fluff

pairing: skz x gn!reader

note: i haven't posted headcanons in ages and this was SO much fun to fabricate omg hope you like it 🫶🫶

— CHAN

he would FIGHT with you over the check after you went out for dinner. like literally FIGHT and not budge when you propose to pay yourself, because you feel bad that he always, always pays for the both of you. you think you smarted him out when you invited him for dinner calling for you to pay but he has his wallet ready the moment you finish your food, telling the waiter the bill is shared and having his money out faster than you can look — it nearly enrages you every time, but he tells you he genuinely enjoys paying, doesn't mind it and wants to do it, so you have no chance other than letting it go (even if reluctantly).

— LINO

he's so annoying he thinks it's PEAK commedy to say "no" to every single favour you ask him only to do it seconds later. OR saying no and waiting, actually not doing said favour and waiting for you to get annoyed until he'd nudge and end up doing it after all. giggles as if he's the funniest mf like he enjoys seeing you being annoyed so much. acts like this in front of friends and in public in general as well, ALSO cringes sm when you show him affection whenever on a get together though the moment the two of you are alone he literally won't be able to keep his hands off you. like he pretends to be so disgusted when you even as much as touch him in public, and the moment you're alone behind closed doors he's slouching onto you like a koala.

— CHANGBIN

omg you can't tell me that he didn't invent the "no you hang up first" 😭 like you'd be coming to the end of a conversation (often while he's on tour or smth tho he literally needs to hear your voice every single day so he calls you like whenever he has a minute even of free time) and at some point he's like "aight hang up 🥰" and you play along and hit him with the "no you do 😆😝" and the quarelling goes back and forth (jokingly on your side, in ALLLL seriousness on his) and at some point you say goodbye for real and hang up AND YOU CAN BET THIS FUCKER CALLS BACK like all pouty and actually slightly upset that you had the audacity to hang up??? and you're like someone has to at some point we can't have an endless phone convo??? and he's like why not do YOU NOT LOVE ME???? yeah you get it.

— HYUNJIN

bro this man NEEDS him to be your lockscreen on your phone. like it's an actual need of his or else he's gonna cease to exist he thinks. like you're obviously his wallpaper (both on his lock AND homescreen) so when he catches a glimpse of your phone and you dare to have just a random pinterest pic as your lockscreen, one you've chosen mindlessly altogether he RIOTSSSS. pouts as if his life is depending on it, clutches his heart as if it's gonna stop any minute, gasps and side-eyes you as if you straight up cheated on him. takes a selfie RIGHT that moment (it takes him a while because he both can't decide whether he wants it to be cute or sexy, and because he wants to look good either way) and sets it as your lockscreen instantly. checks like daily to see if you've changed it (if you did to tease him he LITERALLY is moments from breaking up with you).

— JISUNG

he sends you pics of ugly looking animals with a 'you' attached to the message. like even if it has no resemblence with you altogether. like it'll be a fish, a whale, a bird, a funny looking dog and their all attached with 'you'. and like he finds it so funny even if you never react to it, in fact finds it SO hilarious that at some point he will send you pics of literally ANYTHING he sees ever — like furniture, tools, random fucking street lamps, you name it — with a 'you' attached to it and CACKLES as if he invented comedy himself. the bright side to it, he takes this to the romantic level and shoots pretty pics of flowers and sends them with the same 'you' attached to it, or pics of the sky, or of a particularly bright star. so maybe it's not that annoying after all.

— FELIX

he causes his friends to tease you because he literally can't shut up about you. like every single thing you do he even slightly adores (which is, every single thing period, tbh) is being reported to his friends because he's just so in love with you he has to get the words out or he'll combust :((. like you'd maybe get him a little gift, smth small about stuff he's interested in lately, or these "i saw this and thought of you" gifts and he presents said gift to his friends as if it's an artifact of love itself, and the next time you're over they're going at you, teasing the shit out of you because tbh, they've teased felix so much already for talking their ears off that they need another victim. you basically never stop blushing when around them, hearing constantly just how much your bf talks about you when you're not around (and you'd lie saying you don't like it).

— SEUNGMIN

bro just straight up leaves you on read except when your text contains something of advantage to him 😭😭. like you haven't seen him in a while and want to catch up a bit? he reads the message and responds like 5 hours later ("we've seen each other yesterday, you can't possibly miss me enough to talk again"). or when you send him random tiktoks or shitposts — opens and reads them and then doesn't ever bother to even leave a like 😭. though the moment you hit him with a text like "running to the supermarket, you want anything?" he's responding the same second and you grow salty every time, wondering why you put up texting him in the first place.

— JEONGIN

pretends to be jealous like a LOT. like the first time he'd be actually jealous, going fresh into the relationship with insecurities still gnawing at you and him and when he confesses you reassure him, making sure he understands there will never be an occassion on which he needs to be remotefully jealous, even. and after that he simply pretends to be, for shits and giggles and to piss you off. like you talk to the barista for your order? how could you even look their direction omg. you send a quick text to a friend while out with him? how dare he's not the single most important thing in your life rn. you tell him about a dream that didn't involve him? breaking up with you this very instant. can't stop himself from giggling at his one if a kind humour while watching you grow annoyed every time anew.

@happycandynoelle @es-kay-zee @jeyelleohe @angelwonie @lix-ables @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @bintificreads @svintsandghosts @llunapastell @sensitiveandhungry @minniesvenus @junebug032 @noellllslut

[ikkyfics]

Cake Tasting

James Potter x fem!reader

Summary: James leaned in, and you only realized when you felt his fingers at the corner of your mouth, wiping away a little bit of whipped cream you hadn’t noticed. He smirked, that mischievous and irresistible smile that always followed him, and murmured in his low, warm voice, "Sorry, there was something here."

Warnings: none

Part 1 of Marry Me

Masterlist

Planning a wedding was a mix of euphoria and chaos, but with James by your side, everything felt like a romantic comedy. You’d been engaged for just a few months, and every detail of the big day was discussed between laughter and teasing, from the flowers to the ceremony time. James insisted that everything should be perfect for you — "The Potter here just wants to see you smile," he’d say, with that passionate sparkle in his blue eyes behind his glasses. And that afternoon, you were at the most delightful stage of the preparations: the cake tasting.

The bakery was a small, cozy place, with shelves lined with cakes decorated as if they had come straight out of a fairy tale. The scent of sugar and vanilla filled the air, making James excited before you even sat down. He adjusted his glasses with a mischievous smile, his messy black hair as usual.

"Ready to see me at my cake-judging peak?" he joked, pulling the chair out for you.

"I don’t even know why you came, James. The decision is mine," you replied, teasing, but smiling.

James laughed, a warm and familiar sound that seemed to fill the room. "Of course it’s yours. I’m just here to make helpful comments and steal any piece you leave behind."

The baker arrived with a tray full of samples. Small, elegant slices of cake were placed in front of you, each with a different frosting or filling. You picked up the fork first, cutting a small piece of vanilla cake with raspberry filling. James watched you as if he were studying a work of art, his smile lingering as you took the bite.

"So? What do you think?" he asked, leaning in closer.

"It’s... good. Fresh, but maybe a little too sweet."

James immediately got excited, taking a large piece of the same slice. "Too sweet? There’s no such thing," he said, before popping the cake into his mouth.

The silence lasted for two seconds before he made an exaggerated grimace. "Okay, maybe there is. Next!"

You laughed, the sound light and carefree. "I told you."

The next slice was chocolate with hazelnut cream, and this time, James was the first to try it. He dramatically closed his eyes, as if he were being transported to another universe. "This. This is the one. We’re getting married with this cake."

"You didn’t even wait for me to try it!" you protested, but laughing as you picked up your fork.

"No need. Trust me," he said, but when you tried it, you shook your head.

"It’s good, but too heavy. I don’t want our guests falling asleep at the party."

James put his hand on his chest as if he were hurt. "Heavy? Darling, it’s perfect. Plus, who’s going to sleep when I’m there to liven things up?"

"Exactly why I need a lighter cake, James. You’re already enough to tire anyone out."

He laughed and leaned over the table, his fingertips brushing against yours for a brief moment. "Okay, boss. Your turn to choose."

Finally, you reached a slice of white cake with lemon filling and whipped cream frosting. It was delicate and refreshing, but with a sweet touch that balanced it all. You tried it, and your eyes lit up.

"This is my favorite," you whispered.

James saw the expression on your face and, before even trying it, smiled. "Then this is the one," he declared, taking a piece. When the flavor hit, he nodded slowly. "Okay, it’s approved. But only because you like it."

"You’re so dramatic," you replied, but your smile was evident.

James leaned in, and you only realized when you felt his fingers at the corner of your mouth, wiping away a little bit of whipped cream you hadn’t noticed. The touch was light, but the familiarity and tenderness of the gesture made a subtle warmth rise to your face. He smirked, that mischievous and irresistible smile that always followed him, and murmured in his low, warm voice, "Sorry, there was something here."

Before you could formulate a response — maybe a sarcastic thank you or an attempt to protest — he was already even closer. In an instant, his vibrant blue eyes locked with yours, and the world seemed to shrink down to that silent connection between you. Then, he stole a kiss.

It was soft and sweet at first, as if James wanted to savor the moment, but soon you felt a firmer touch, an intensity that warmed your chest. The taste of lemon was still there, mixing with the familiar comfort of his lips. You closed your eyes without even realizing it, your cheeks burning as one of his hands rested on the table to steady himself.

When he pulled away, just enough so that your faces were still close, the teasing smile was already back. "Tax," he whispered, his voice low and full of humor. "For tolerating my opinion on cakes. And for choosing the most perfect cake for our wedding."

"James," you began, trying to sound serious, but your voice came out softer than planned. It was impossible to hold any indignation when he was so close, with his eyes shining that way and his messy hair falling over his forehead.

He tilted his head slightly, observing each of your reactions with a tenderness that made your heart race. "What? Are you going to tell me I don’t deserve it?" He let his fingers slide from the corner of your mouth to your cheek, tracing such a delicate path that it felt like it tickled your soul.

"You’re impossible," you murmured, but couldn’t stop the smile that appeared at the corner of your lips.

"Impossible to resist, I know," he teased, leaning in to place another kiss, this time at the corner of your mouth, as if to emphasize the point.

You rolled your eyes with a soft laugh, but before you could respond, you decided to retaliate. With a quick motion, you grabbed the tie he was wearing — because, of course, James had decided that a cake tasting called for a casual shirt and a loose tie — and pulled him close. It was your turn to kiss him, but with a touch of teasing on your lips.

When you pulled away, James blinked, clearly surprised, and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks. He cleared his throat, trying to regain control, but the dazzled smile betrayed him. "Okay, now you’re playing dirty."

"I learned from the best," you replied, now openly amused.

James let out a laugh, his eyes never leaving yours as his fingers remained delicately on your cheek. "Alright, now I’m going to have to raise my tax rate."

"Oh, you’re not," you said, shaking your head, but already laughing again.

The baker, who clearly tried to give space to the most passionate couple he had ever seen, returned to finalize the order. Throughout it all, James kept his hand in yours, fingers intertwined in a gesture so simple and so full of meaning that it seemed to encapsulate all the love he felt for you.

And as you left the bakery, you were certain that the cake chosen was the right one — not just because it was delicious, but because every step of the journey, by James’ side, made everything perfect.

[soapoet]

describing your next love...

...because i'm just as nosy as you are.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Shufflemancy: Lucky people by Waterparks

they have a very sunny energy. the kind that peaks out behind the clouds after a fall of rain. rejuvenating, always welcome. they try their best to stay optimistic, for loved ones and strangers alike. it feels a little tragic because there is a darkness inside them that they choose to ignore. their sunny disposition seems less like a mask and more like armour. it's what has gotten them this far. they may have had a rough childhood, and their heart may have been wounded particularly by one of their parents. they struggle with mental health and might be neurodivergent. they're the kind of person to end a depressing sentence with 'lmao', or turn a therapy session into a stand-up comedy show. they cope with their struggles through humour, because if they take themselves and their problems too seriously and lean in too close to where it hurts, the pain becomes overwhelming. their heart is much like a dam, holding back tons of tears of almost biblical proportions. even still, if they opened the floodgates they'd find a way to muster a 'noah, get the arc' joke to force some sunlight through the clouds.

despite their dance around their own feelings, they're encouraging of others expressing theirs, and stand firmly by their side and always have a shoulder to offer if needed. they love to make people laugh, and aren't afraid of making a fool out of themselves if it puts a smile on someone's face. they'll gladly cast themselves as a jester if it makes their loved ones feel like royalty. they're very excitable and fun to be around. at their best they are a firecracker, bursting with an energy so infectious and bright. they're creative and very passionate about their hobbies, often to the point of obsession. it seems like all they do they do with such love. like a show is never just a show, but a whole world of its own to explore and come to know as home. they love the escapism of foreign lands, fictional and real, and something about them makes a simple trip to the grocery store an adventure with many memories to one day share.

you either already know them, or will meet them very soon. especially if you're in a transitional period, moving away, changing jobs or applying to schools, then this is a person you'll meet in this next chapter of your life. this has friends to lovers written all over it. you might be in the same friend group, or meet them through a mutual friend. their hair stands out for some reason. it could either be in the literal sense because it's messy, perpetual bedhead, or they have a unique colour or cut. perhaps they change their hair frequently and have a bit of chameleon vibes in which they become unrecognisable with every change that they make to their appearance. they're average in height but could look taller than they actually are. their posture isn't the greatest, especially if they're an artist of some kind. they have golden retriever energy and may be a dog person in general. for some, they have freckles or dimples, or prominent birth marks. there's a lot of mutual pining involved before anything happens. they're a little bit oblivious, too. someone else might have to step in to spell things out for either of you.

02.

Shufflemancy: Into you by Ariana Grande

being playful and flirtatious can get you in quite a bit of trouble, and they know this from experience. they're attractive, and seem very aware of it, though there is less legitimate arrogance and more playful cockiness involved. they like to make an effort to look good, and have a strong appreciation for a partner who does the same. generosity may be a way they show this appreciation because they understand the time and maintenance this effort can take, and are of the mindset that they ought to reward what they like rather than simply expect it or take it for granted. they're likely involved in business such as investments or trade, or could be working on building a business of their own. they're physically fit, and might frequent the gym or be into sports. they have a lot of stamina because of this, so do with that information what you will.

they could have a bit of a reputation due to an unscrupulous past, and it is one they have done much work to rewrite. they want to settle down, but haven't found someone they could commit to. a big issue for them is the way fun gets sucked out of things too quickly in the relationships they've been in. they're very spontaneous and have a big capacity for romance, but they often find themselves lacking space and time to do anything special. like how you would decide to clean the house to surprise your mother, only to have her call and ask you to do just that, ruining the gesture. similarly, in their relationships they may find themselves cornered, and in the suffocation of their freedom and passion their capacity and desire to impress and to woo begins to fade like a smothered flame, which in turn causes strife. and the nagging that so often followed turns them into a complacent shell of themselves, wherein it's better to nod along than risk discord. they seek an equal. somebody powerful in their own right, who can support them and be supported in return. they want love to be an adventurous undertaking of a power couple ready to seize the day.

this feels like a right person wrong time -scenario. when you meet they're probably in a relationship with someone else, or you are. you could meet at some sort of social gathering or organised event like a fundraiser or a concert. there's a distinct sense of delay here, though the interest is mutual and very persistent right from the beginning. they could hold themselves back from pursuing anything with you at first because they want a clean slate. it may at first to you seem like frustrating indecision and make you question their intentions, even integrity, but they may just be untangling their life and closing chapters. they yearn for the long-term and would like the house and the kids and whole nine yards, but need to make sure their life is upright, straightened, and ready for it. there is a playful glint in their eyes, which may be hazel or brown. there is a distinct warmth to them and a loving gaze feels especially adoring from them. they would make a very good and attentive parent and spouse for the right person. there could be a noticeable size difference between you. if you're softer and curvier, they're more angular and dense, and if you're shorter, they're taller, etc.

03.

Shufflemancy: Great shipwreck of life by IAMX

oh, how charming! they're gregarious, and attract quite a few admirers. though it seems they take few, if any, seriously at all. their popularity may be a byproduct of an important or visible position that they hold. they could be a prominent figure within their community or be very successful in their field of work or hobbies. their schedule is often packed with meetings, events and social obligations. they could travel a lot too, both for pleasure and for work. for their work they may spend extended periods of time away from home. in spite of their sociable persona, they keep their private life very private, under lock and key, and may even be secretive about it to an extent. they may be unapproachable or simply be unattainable by people outside of their established circles. there is an element of social games or hierarchical factors present in their life, and whilst they're good at networking, climbing ranks, or beating records, they may actually find many around them to be uninteresting or outright obnoxious. where they spend their professional hours draws a lot of similar types of people together, and their tastes differ quite a bit. being married to their work in a way leaves few options for them in love since they look for something outside of their norm, which they have little time to explore.

there could be a fear of being taken advantage of. like they can't seem to trust people easily, and expect everyone to have ulterior motives. to use them or get something from them. these trust issues run deep, and either they have been burnt before or have watched somebody close to them fall from grace and are afraid they'll share that same fate. there could also be legal reasons for their caution, as they may have signed contracts or taken an oath that dictates what they can and cannot share, particularly if they work for the government or a big corporation.

this connection might begin online or otherwise have distance involved even if you meet in person first. lots of messages or calls. they revel in good banter and enjoy entertaining more out-there ideas. they feel starved off of deeper conversations because their life seems to revolve around a lot of simple niceties and professional talk with tons of things redacted, edited, and filtered to fit into a very narrow box deemed correct and good and appropriate. it's very tiring and wears them out, even though they won't show it. they really appreciate things that differ from the norm or breaks the status quo in some way. what they consider their type is also very different from what would be expected of them, and their peers would be shocked to hear what they find ideal both in terms of a partner and a life that they would like to lead. their voice seems important too. they have a very attractive voice, could be a great speaker or an artist. their hair is either longer or shorter than average (shorter for women, longer for men), and their physique leans slimmer and angular, not a lot of curvature just lots of straight lines and sharpness.

04.

Shufflemancy: Willow by Taylor Swift

they probably don't get out much. most if their life occurs behind closed doors. they could work or study remotely, and their schedule might be different from the usual nine to five. their friends and family may live at a distance, too, which leaves them few reasons to leave the house. they need mental stimulation and might be a little high-strung, their nerves like violin strings wound too tight. independence is of great importance to them and their boundaries are clear, almost like austere walls protecting a castle. they appear aloof and don't say much, especially around strangers. though their shyness is often overruled by their intrigue. they like to tinker with things and minds alike, and may often step in to play devil's advocate just to stir the pot. especially in their boredom they may seek out discourse as a form of entertainment. they have strong opinions, but are not stubborn or unable to bend. in fact, something they abhor is weak convictions and mindless agreement. they respect admittance of ignorance far more than the parroting of popular opinions if there is a lack of substance behind them. they really do not seem to mind different views at all, and may surround themselves with people of all walks of life and various temperaments and opinions. this is in part driven by an insatiable thirst for knowledge. it's as though they've made their quest in life to seek information and learn everything they can in one short lifetime. they are open-minded and curious, and have great respect for anyone who has something to teach them. and they're a great teacher themself! even if they do not literally teach as a part of their work, they might have been told by many that they should consider it because they really have a way of adapting information, hand-tailoring it to their audience, so that even complex things get delivered and comprehended.

where they may be a great source of knowledge and advice to those around them, they aren't the greatest in terms of emotional support. they are a problem solver, and they can't fix tears. they try, but it feels clumsy and awkward. though that can be a little charming, too. they care a lot, more than people might expect. they're just terrible at showing it through big and extravagant gestures and displays of affection. they're more likely to give praise or take on tasks to unburden you. they like routine and solitude and seek someone who rivals the comfort of their peace and quiet. they could die happy if they could simply share a space comfortably with someone without constant noise, buzz, and attention. they could be strangely private about things that don't necessarily call for privacy. like, they might easily drop childhood lore in a casual conversation, but find inquiries about what they did yesterday suspicious even if they didn't do anything special.

because this is a bit of a 'rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair' -type of situation where they're very comfortable in their ivory tower that gets no visitors, it might take a while before you meet them. they're far more social online and you could meet through common interests like online games, subreddits, discord, or through mutual friends. if you already know them, there may be a sense of unrequited love for a while. they rarely act on their infatuations and just wait it out, enjoying the feelings for what they are but do little, if anything, about them. alternatively they participate in very indirect chasing that appears more like making the other person chase them. they have attractive hands, could be ambidextrous or they fidget a lot with their hands. they may be a writer, play an instrument or play a lot of video games. they always appear deep in thought or even a little irritable, even if they're actually not. not so much RBF as simply spacing out. their eyes seem hazy. whichever colour they are it looks desaturated and blurry, like there's mist covering them. blues lean greyish, greens look muddy, browns look more true and lack the amber warmth. they might wear glasses or contacts. regardless of race they're a little paler and may have some health concerns or struggles.

05.

Shufflemancy: I want you to want me by Chase Holfelder

there is something broken here. their home, their heart, or perhaps their mind. it'll be difficult to break through this shell because the exterior is harsh and uninviting. whatever it is that haunts them, it really shows in their relationships. they walk a path seemingly unlit and full of horrors, leaving behind them a trail of broken hearts. pieces of both their own and those of past lovers scattered along the way. to some their love is suffocating, draining and overbearing. when they get attached they latch on with a powerful grip that seems unyielding. they're a rock that could weather the strongest of storms and they're used to being a pillar of strength. but it seems as though their past is full of people who would have needed the room to bend with the winds and were left feeling too restricted. they may have a jealous streak that's rooted in fear of betrayal, likely from past hurts. they could struggle with a mental illness or have history of abusing drugs or alcohol to numb what haunts them.

they really want a partner in crime. someone who is similar to them and understands their turmoil. they have a big capacity to understand and deal with heavy burdens and mental issues in a partner too and aren't easily fazed by emotional outbursts or any type of spiraling mentally or emotionally. they also remind me of the quote 'a hero will sacrifice the person they love to save the world, a villain will sacrifice the world to save the person they love'. they seem a bit like an outcast or a misfit, and those closest to them may also be underdogs and form a very tight-knit group. they're a little bit of a hopeless romantic and have a soft side. if they're musically inclined they might write you a song, or otherwise use writing as a way to express their feelings in a deeper way. their cold and rough exterior is there to ward off the most frail and flaky. they don't want to ruin dainty petals or have their own ripped out by players.

funnily enough they actually look like one themselves. they have that quintessential heartbreaker look to them. the one all the movies deem nothing but trouble. a villain in the story of many but their own and those closest to them. there is a feminine energy close to them that they're very protective of, like a sister or mother. for some they might be providing and caring for a sick relative. they have an unusual job or field of study, and peculiar working hours. they might work a graveyard shift, gigs, or do work that's seasonal or done on the go. music plays a big role in their life and you could meet them at a concert or through another kind of relation to a band or artist you both enjoy. they take a keen interest in the strange, and the mysteries of life. they might study the occult, enjoy conspiracy theories, true crime, etc. they're distinctly cool toned, blondes are dirty and ashy, browns are void of red pigment and lean darker, almost black. blue eyes are very cold and piercing, and brown eyes are very dark and may appear black. they have piercings, tattoos or scars and may bruise easily, or be into those things in others.

06.

Shufflemancy: Trust by Boy Epic

somebody send this person on a mandatory holiday. i really should not have left this one for last, because the energy is really heavy. their life seems unbalanced, like it is all work and no play. there is a jittery energy here as though they are running on fumes and caffeine to fuel a big machine with hundreds of intricately moving parts. they might work in real estate, management, law, IT, or have a lot of people they're in charge of who depend on them. they have impeccable memory and somehow manage to stay on top of things with ease. they like being personally involved and may be hands-on with many of their projects. task management comes naturally to them. it's as if they're playing a game of chess with life and stay aware of every possible variable and reach outcomes long before they show in the present. this spills into all areas of their life and allows them to map out goals with great precision, leaving very little room for uncertainty. they're very stable and competent. but they're also miserable. even though they enjoy their work for its challenges and the heights it allows them to reach, it may seem to them as though they are wearing themselves out without real purpose beyond the accolades. like they're building an empire in vain because there is nobody to share their glory. they want more from life, namely a home. their home is as big as it is hollow and they don't like it there. it lacks a lot of love and light and they wish to bring some of that into it through children and a spouse.

they may come from a big family themselves, even one of good fortune. their discipline and work ethic is likely something instilled in them by a father figure, and there could be a bit of an eldest child complex at play, wherein they have always felt the need to set an example for their younger siblings, but also feel embittered by what they cannot get away with that others so easily can. they could use with a bit of whimsical and carefree energy in their life. they're aware of it too, as they find a bit of chaos oddly attractive in a partner. in previous relationships they may have been with people far too similar to them, allowing them no place of restoration and solace, but instead a constant movement of the goal post. they seek someone comfortable and more easy-going who can help them relax and live a little. they are generous and would spoil a worthy partner rotten, but are also afraid of gold diggers and don't want to be taken advantage of, as they may have run the risk of in the past.

out of all groups, this one leans the oldest. depending on your age they could easily be 5-10 years your senior, and if you're very young it will likely take some time before you meet them. you might meet through work, through coworkers, at a work related event, or if it is a leisurely occasion it's one with a mixture of age groups like a family gathering of sorts. for a few, you could run into them a few times at random whilst running errands and going about your daily routines. either way interest is established quickly, even though they may seem stand-offish or even stiff at first. in actuality they busy themselves with observing, and throughout your interactions, and your interactions with other people in their presence, they size you up and try to figure you out. they could be very taken with you, but they try their best to not show it. they're cordial, but keep their cards hidden. once they decide to pursue you everything happens very quickly. again, because of their game of chess having played out various scenarios while they figured out their feelings and rearranged their life to fit you into it. they're eager to please, and one-on-one you may be surprised by their sensitive and softer side. they're doting and have a lot of adoration once they fall, and out in public where they seem level-headed and collected you can easily distract them and have them stumbling a bit. they're very protective and are bigger or stronger than you. their features lean darker and they may have an earthy look to them, like green or hazel eyes and auburn hair. this one has the strongest indications of marriage.

[maxtermind]

SCENE 2 :: HOW MUCH TRAGEDY ↳ you were never not mine — carlos sainz ༉‧₊˚✧

★ : pairing :: carlos sainz x reader ★ : genre :: angst; fluff separated by a hidden emotional turmoil, carlos and y/n navigate the complexities of co-parenting their twins amidst the high-stakes f1 world. amidst paddock visits and personal healing, will they go further apart or find their way back to each other? ★ : a/n :: text posts are going to return from tom till then you can enjoy this<3 taglist form is in the series masterlist btw!! HATS OFF TO EVERY SINGLE SMAU WRITER BECAUSE THIS IS SO HARD LMAO

( series masterlist \ main masterlist \ drop a request )

carlos is typing... (y/n's pov)

f1 10 mins ago

f1 LET'S GET THE EUROPEAN LEG OF THE SEASON STARTED! 🇮🇹

username oh the admin knows what they did with carlos at the front lmao username can't wait for the races! let's goooo! 🇮🇹🏁 username so excited for this leg of the season! bring it on! 🤩 username hoping for some amazing races! good luck to all the drivers! 🙌 username here for the racing, not y/n’s drama ⤷ username ugh yes like can we focus on racing and not y/n’s drama? username italy, here we come! forza ferrari! ❤️ ⤷ username poor carlos, dealing with y/n’s drama and still racing username ready for some intense racing action! 🏎🔥 username who else is here for the drama? carlos and y/n's relationship update please! 😂 ⤷ username i hope carlos and y/n figure things out. it was so nice seeing her at the race again

yn.user 20 mins ago

yn.user behind every successful man is his loving fam❤️ congratulations papa sainz

username this is a joke, right? after all the drama? lilymhe wow such a hottie and a MOM? smash! ⤷ yn.user date and time🙏 ⤷ alexalbon uhm... im right here? username weren't you just out with another man? hypocrite ⤷ username loving fam? like she didn't just get caught with another guy? 😂 username wow, pretending everything is fine now? ⤷ username guess she's trying to clean up her image good luck with that username this is so fake everyone knows the truth username acting like a loving family after everything? sure, y/n ⤷ username like who the fuck are you fooling, y/n? we know the real story username you're so pretty, y/n! i bought the tickets just to see you irl username didn't take long for the fake posts to start

carlossainz 20 mins ago

carlossainz victory feels even sweeter with my kids by my side!🏆❤️

username congrats, carlos! the kids are your ONLY real supporters. username so glad you’re focusing on the kids and not the drama. ⤷ username victory without y/n? this is peak comedy😭 ⤷ username way to go, carlos! the kids are all you need! username finally, a win focused on the right people. congrats, carlos! username oh god we really lost the great war huh username great win, carlos! the kids must be so proud. ⤷ username this is the content we love. kids over drama! username well done! no need for distractions we're so proud❤️ ⤷ username the kids are his real mvps so lol username congrats, carlos! the kids are your biggest fans.

twitter

boo is typing... (y/n's pov)

lily is typing… (y/n's pov)

yn.user 20 mins ago

yn.user as my boys said: finally a worthy opponent✨

username this is why some people shouldn't have kids. username she's a mess. no wonder they broke up ⤷ username using her kids for attention. disgusting! carlossainz so you're also bad at scrabble? ⤷ username oh shit carlos didn't come to play ⤷ username you tell her carlos!! username no stability for those poor kids with her around. ⤷ username kids must be so confused with a new man every week username pathetic attempt to make carlos jealous. GROW UP, Y/N!!!

carlos is typing… (y/n's pov)

instagram stories

©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.

[onejellyfishplease]

So I have a few questions for the minecraft bois. (Btw, I freaking LOVE your artstyle, I'm just hyperfocused on minecraft because I've been in a crafty mood)

How does Raph react to Screechers? I mean, you say he doesn't have as strong a connection to the Sculk, but it's still there right?

Have the boys ever found a way to satisfy Donnie's need to be submerged (i.e. giving him a fire res potion so he can take a lava bath)

Why does Leo love Chorus fruit so much, and more importantly, will he ever be able to go to The End to gather some for himself?

How do the boys interact with their home environments? (Like, how does Donnie feel about Shulkers, does Mikey enjoy cooking using Nether materials, etc.)

Sorry if this is a LOT but ohnigosh I adore these boys and their silly little designs

I may have gone a little crazy whilst answering lol

With Raph and the screechers, They dont summon him, no matter how much they go off. Though if hes close enough to them then he'll get an uneasy 'feeling' (though it was random for a while, and had no clue why it was happening)

None of the Boys or April are good enough at enchantments and potions to start creating their own (yet), So making it from scratch is off of the table. (Theyve also been banned from attempting after April blew the side off of a mountain)

Instead, Donnie sometimes searches the old tomes in the End Cities. Though most of the books are unreadable now, the rare few are still ledgible. Maybe one will be able to give him immunity to water.

Leo got hooked on Chorus fruit once Donnie started visiting the End and brought some back with him. Its his favourite fruit hands down. And he always has a blast teleporting around. (hes eaten it enough that he can almost control where he goes but its really unreliable)

Also he thinks it's hilarious that sometimes when he tps an Endermite will spawn and Donnie will just go absolutely batshit trying to kill it. Peak Comedy.

Leo would do anything to get his hands on the fruit. Which gives Donnie a massive bargaining chip, which he flaunts a lot.

Until April finds the End Portal, Leos gotta rely on Donnie for his Chorus Fruit supply.

Donnie was pretty uninterested in Shulkers. They didnt really do anything (at least to him) after all. Though once he found out what he could use their shells for??? Their population took a nosedive.

And Mikey absolutely cooks with Nether materials! they're his favourite! especially the mushrooms. And with four hands, he can do so much more cooking!!!

[melrosing]

Why do you hate Cersei getting called a girl failure ?

good question! i have a long answer.

so i wouldn't say it's specifically the matter of calling Cersei a 'girl failure'. like, sure, there's a distinct campiness about AFFC Cersei sometimes, and there's a comedy of errors running through her chapters. we can say this much, and i guess calling her a 'girl failure' was a funny shorthand for this in like. 2020 at the peak of the girlboss meme. and i'm not saying everyone who still makes use of this meme hates Cersei/misunderstands her/trivialises her. it's a meme. a dated one now but still.

however, i think it's about what that meme, or rather the implications of the meme, have done to conversations around Cersei and her storyline. like, again, Cersei's chapters can be funny, that's intentional on GRRM's part. but they aren't just that: Cersei's chapters also deal in trauma, abuse, gender & misogyny, prophecy, power, politics, etc etc. she's a deeply cruel character, but she is also one who has suffered a great deal, and her chapters challenge you to bear both in mind at once when you think about the things she thinks, says and does.

but I think many fans aren't willing to fully engage with Cersei in that way. they need to simplify her to one thing, whether that's 'evil', 'a mother', or 'stupid'. for the first, you have people saying that Cersei deserves everything that happens to her because of the evil she's done - and these people are practically always coming from a deeply misogynistic angle, where often they'll defend Robert in the same breath.

for the second, you have people who essentially reduce Cersei to her gender and her role as a mother, arguing that her trauma and her love for her children ultimately justifies, explains, or excuses everything she's ever done. this tips over into its own kind of misogyny, and is how you get characters like GOT's Cersei.

and third, you have people who don't really believe either of the above, but also don't care to fully explore Cersei as a character. they write her off as a comedy side-act, with perfunctory nods to some of the deeper themes but the prevailing content they share on her is 'lol isn't she stupid!'

and i'm not saying everyone who has ever called Cersei a 'girl failure' is a misogynist. i honestly don't know if i didn't reblog a couple of those memes years ago. like w/e, as I say, she does make some daft mistakes and some of them are written to be funny. but when the overwhelming content shared about Cersei is one of those three above, of which the most neutral stance is 'she's fucking stupid', it can be really disappointing and frustrating. and ultimately the prevalence of the 'girl failure' take tips into misogyny, because it fails to embrace Cersei as a full character.

it also fails to explore the reasons why Cersei doesn't make the best decisions. like sure, she's rash and narcissistic - these traits mean Cersei can skip the reasoning straight to the act. but she's also been left out of much of the education afforded her brothers in how to wage war and govern. that she often re-traumatises herself by forcing herself to use sex to politick, and how she renders that trauma circular by pulling others into the cycle like Lancel and Taena. so much of Cersei's arc is circular: she's always fulfilling her own prophecies, and it's a tragedy.

i've always reserved some criticisms for how GRRM manages her arc: she's our only real female villain POV, indeed our only prominent female villain in the series, and yet whilst comparable male characters are played straight, e.g. Tywin, Littlefinger, Euron etc, Cersei is frequently played for laughs. that results in a lot of whiplash, particularly as it sits alongside extremely dark themes of trauma and abuse. ultimately, Cersei is one of my favourite characters (she comes only after Jaime and Brienne for me), so I do love her in spite of this - I think she's a fantastic character. but these choices are part of why she's so easily mocked and written off in fandom.

anyway, all of that to say that I think the 'girl failure' line has just broadly contributed to quite a reductive discourse around Cersei, who already suffers a great deal of it in fandom. there's so much more to be said, and yet somehow we always end up here. and just to reiterate, I'm not saying the meme is fundamentally misogynist, but rather, it's prevalence in an already misogynistic fandom attitude towards Cersei, can be construed as such.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it. And also. Spoilers and opinions below, read at your own risk.

QL - Currently Watching

🇯🇵I Hear the Sunspot [1/12] - I'm so grateful that I get a new jbl just as I'm mourning the end of the last one. I didn't read this manga but I've watched the film, and I really liked it even if it felt unfinished. Hopefully with 12 episodes it means we get the full story. This was a very good first episode, I feel like we established the main relationships dynamics and got a good insight into the main characters core. Taichi is my new child.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! [6/12] - I continue to enjoy this group. Jane turned out to be a great addition instead of what I feared, but Peak really needs to step up so I can keep rooting for him and Thanwa, cause I'm also not a huge fan of the ex coming back as an obstacle for the couple. Latte and Almond are really great together and I'm curious how Almond will deal with his feelings for Latte, when he actually realizes he's having them.

🇹🇭Love Sea [4/12] - Before anything else, I love the ocean and I love when shows get out of the city. Also I like Mut. Now. I'm not a Mame hater. I'm a 'trauma is the only way to write deep characters' hater. I'm also a 'trauma gives you an excuse to be an asshole' hater. But most of all, I'm very much a 'love will fix you' hater. So just don't give me 3 out of 3 and it's fine. Also this last episode, all the talk about money and contracts made me feel some kind of way, although it doesn't seem to bother Mut so... And as much I like having Aya on my screen, Mook is really testing that line between cute and incredibly annoying. I'm not sure how long I'm staying with this one.

🇹🇭My Love Mix-Up! [4/12] - So... this is not good. The technical aspects of this are actually bad. Considering the number of sponsors is actually kinda incredible that it's so badly put together. The sound, the lighting, the editing, overall just... not good. Now, the rest. Look I don't want to ruin anybody's fun, so I'll keep watching this one quietly, unless something outrageous happens. But for the record, and this is all I'm gonna say, they are ruining the best parts of these characters and this story, and even if I ignore that (which I can't because it's an adaptation), it's pandering and it's a lazy attempt at recapturing the magic of msp, with a worse script and recycled material. Also I cannot believe they didn't put Atom in a trashing bag.

🇹🇭 My Stand-In [1/12] - For a number of reasons I'm waiting to binge this one. I do love watching the gifs on my dash though, pretty is pretty.

🇯🇵Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! [9/11] - It's so good. I love them all. This last episode I was close to tears in several parts but the street proposal ended me. It's definitely one of those shows that I'm grateful that I get to watch even if I can't always find the words to talk about it. These characters have my whole heart. [everyone should be watching this and the wonderful @isaksbestpillow has made that possible with her subs. Here is the post with the latest episode. ]

🇹🇭SunsetxVibes [3/12] - It's ridiculous, it's fun, it's cute. Sun is such a simp. Man basically proposed before they were even dating. And yeah the way it started was not amazing, with the lying, but these two actually communicate about their expectations and what they're feeling which is better than a lot of shows right now. And I adore the sides.

🇹🇭The Rebound [2/12] - Everyone is gay and naked. And they play a sport of some kind.

🇹🇭The Trainee [1/12] - OffGun are back! I really liked the set up for this. It's only the first episode but I really like how they are walking the line between the comedy and the seriousness of the workplace. I love a good friend group so I'm looking forward to seeing how the relationships between all the interns grow. Poon is once again playing the silly brainless child of the pack but I don't care, I adore that kid for some reason. And next week we already got Gun crying so what's not to like?

🇹🇭 Wandee Goodday [10/12] - I already talked about my feelings regarding the last episode. I'm here for Oyei/Cher and Plakao. I love Inn and Great, they deliver with the chemistry but the DeeYak storyline is just a mess for me right now. I am also not looking forward to the inevitable redemption of the terrible parental figure.

🇹🇭 We Are [13/16] - The friendships are still great and mainly why I'm watching. I have a really good time watching those scenes. Only 3 episodes left and ChainPun continue to be the tinniest of crumbs. I don't expect much from this couple at this point and I'm a bit disappointed. FangTan are so cute and such good communicators. They are my favourites. QToey are cute. Now, Phum and Peem. Look PondPhuwin are really good at looking at each other like they're the only person in the universe. However. There's only so many times I can enjoy them staring at each other in slow mo. Once per episode oughta be enough I think. Hopefully now that they're actual boyfriends it gets a little less annoying.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de - What an incredible journey. I have to say it has been a while since a show surprised me this much, for the positive. For most of it I wasn't sure where it was gonna go or how it would end or who would be doing the running. The way they played with the show within a show was so well done. I loved the change in pov, which I always love in jbls, but it not only gave us the opportunity to see how Hayama's crush started but also we were allowed to see behind the mask that Hayama had been keeping up. Speaking of. I love him, one of my favourite characters of the year. And Komagine Kiita did an incredible job. I can't wait to watch him again when Tengu returns. If I had to say, the one thing I wish I had was more of Shirasaki's backstory. I wanted to understand better why his self-esteem got that bad. But that ending was great and honestly, I earned it.

🇵🇭Marahuyo Project - Well that was excellent. This show is beautiful. I want to hug them all and walk next to them. I really don't have the words for it right now so just go watch it. Because these characters are incredible and the visuals are stunning. All episodes here.

🇹🇭 Only Boo! - This is getting tiresome. Here it goes. Why? It was so great. They were the cutest shit and I had a smile on my face the entire episode. Even with the singing. It was wholesome and the mains delightful. And then... Heartbreak, time skip, no consequences, unearned happy ending. I mean Moo is a great character still, and Kang is the best boy, but I'm tired.

Rose Watches OJBL

Mood Indigo (2019) - I liked this one slightly better than the first. I think the visuals are stronger and there are some incredible shots throughout. The sex scenes are some of the best shot that I've ever seen. I love Kijima so even though I'm not always on board with prequels, it was great that we got more insight into him. Obviously we know this relationship was doomed from the start, and Kido has a lot to do with how we find Kijima in the beginning of The Novelist, but I can't help but feel for Kido. He is a mess that is struggling between the expectations that are on him (put there by others but also himself) and the affection and desire he feels for Kijima. And even without watching The Novelist there is always an air that this will not end well. For lack of a better phrase, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm looking forward to watching the rest of this series.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (2020) - One of my first thoughts when I was watching this was 'we are using the word unhinged too freely'. Cause Ryoji has little competition on that score. This is not an easy watch. I really liked the way it was shot even if at times that meant my view was too narrow so I couldn't look anywhere else but the 'uglier' parts. In completely different ways they were both stuck in an uncomfortable (yeah that's not really the best word but I can't think of another) place and I could feel that throughout. I'm not sure about the ending but they look happy, so what do I know?

Other - Watched

There's a lot airing so I didn't watch much outside ql. I finished Under the Skin and rewatched a couple of things. My watchlist got longer and I have a bunch of shows that I'll hopefully tackle during my summer holiday in July. Speaking of...

There is a lot coming next month, so here is a post with all the shows that have been announced for July that I updated to include Meet You at the Blossom that was recently announced. New jbl starts tomorrow!!!!

As usual my ask box is open for questions or requests. Have a wonderful week💜

[skele-bunny]

Two Holes. (No CW) Mountain/Swiss

CW: NONE

Characters: Mountain, Swiss

For the darling @hypnoneghoul based on this ask. These two have comedy sex and no one can convince me otherwise! (Also, new format perhaps? Using the amazing divider by @wrathofrats !)

Read it under the cut or on AO3!

“Are you inviting or is that just an oddly conveniently placed hole?”

Mountain's ears perked up, turning and seeing his mate settled on top of his bass drum’s container. Swiss was settled back some, twirling a drumstick through his fingers as he watched the Earth Ghoul bent over to continue dismantling his set up.

The drummer huffed, eyebrows furrowed before looking at his pants – more confused as he couldn't find what Swiss was talking about. The multi ghoul laughed, moving to his feet and walking over with a purpose, slow and methodical. He flipped the stick to his other hand, now touching Mountain's sweaty chest as the bead of the drumstick pushed straight into his equally sweaty cunt. Mountain's tail stuck up, eyes contracting as he looked down at Swiss who held him.

“Haha! Didn't know you had two holes here, baby doll! Why didn't you tell me?” Swiss cooed.

“I…Shut up.” Mountain hissed just as much back, slapping Swiss' hand away with no force, stepping away from the drumstick head. “You're ridiculous.”

“Hey! You know I can't control myself when that pretty pussy is on display!”

“Swiss!”

The shadow put his hands up, laughing before dipping back to his own area, not without connecting to their mental link quickly.

“Don't be mad at me, sweet thing. I just enjoy seeing my prize before I claim it.”

Mountain gave a small chit, face turning a dark red as he looked over at the nearby stage where his packmate started wrapping a cord. He let out a low growl, rumbling in his throat as he continued dismantling – now more aware of how much he bent over, leading to crouching rather.

The entire time, Mountain could feel Swiss’ eyes burning into his back, not even the shadows were safe as the shadow walker was known for peeping and stalking.

With an hour passed, Mountain rolled his neck as he walked to the back of the tour bus – finally able to rest. Kicking his shoes off and removing his clothes one by one, his face planted into the nest created for him. He stretched and listened to his bones pop and ache, letting his glamor drop away as his hooves kicked against the cushions. His tail flicked absentmindedly, reacting to something he couldn't, ears flicking.

“Swiss. No.”

The shadow walker peaked his head up from the floor, smiling wide. “Why nottt!” He faked a gasp, putting his hand over his heart. “Are you breaking up with me, treetop?!”

“No,” Mountain turned his head to look at Swiss who held a toothy smile. “I'm cutting off your pussy privileges. You need to get neutered. Too horny all the time.”

“No! You can't do that to me!"

“I just did.”

Swiss put the back of his hand on his forehead dramatically, trilling like a kit and flopping onto the bus floor. “I can't believe this…My mate…My own, loving, beautiful, sexy, darling–”

“Don't forget ‘smart’.”

“Of course– Smart, mate is blue balling me! When all I did was simply admire the fact there was a hole in his pants!”

The earth ghoul began to laugh, moving on his side and opening his arm which Swiss crawled up to after shucking his uniform off–also left in his boxers. His muzzle prodded at Mountain's neck, moaning quietly at his smell and hands gripping Mountain's side.

With a hum, Mountain laid with content, feeling Swiss lick at his sweaty chest. “Petal.”

Swiss looked up, eyes dilated as his tail began to wag. “Hmm?”

“Just no penetration right now, okay?”

The multi-purpose ghoul trilled louder, content with those conditions. With a newfound eagerness, his tongue continued cleaning up the salty droplets covering Mountain's chest, all the way up to his pits. He inhaled sharply and his cock kicked up, letting Mountain's body hair rub against his face. Swiss’ hand dipped down Mountain's boxers, pathetically pawing at his cunt.

“Baby doll…” Swiss whined. “You drove me so crazy during the breakdown.”

“I didn't even do anything.” Mountain mumbled, feeling his fat dick twitch, Swiss wrapping his fingers around to slowly rub at the aching clit. A soft and quick inhale went through his teeth as Swiss continued circling him.

Shaking his head, Swiss moved his nose to Mountain's neck, growling with need. “That's the thing. Don't gotta do anything but bend over and I can't think anymore. You make me so dumb.”

“I think you're just dumb naturally.”

Both of their laughter began, Mountain shuffling so the shorter ghoul was against his chest fully yet between his legs, letting Swiss’ other hand prod and scrape over his surgical scars. Swiss reached himself up, lips carefully grazing and letting his hips rut against Mountain's boxers. His fingers never stopped rubbing, forcing moans into Swiss’ mouth. Claws sank into dark flesh, the multi groaning and arching himself closer to his mate–licking over his fangs.

Lowering down, Swiss pressed his face against the wet cloth covering his desire, inhaling Mountain's scent desperately. Mixed with sweat and natural aroma, it was making Swiss crazy. His fangs grazed over the fabric before biting down, pulling Mountain's last piece of clothes down with his teeth, his growls getting louder as he sat up to finish discarding the piece.

“You animal.” Mountain mumbled, placing one of his legs to the back of the couch, displaying himself for his mate.

Swiss simply wiggled his eyebrows, completely unabashed. “You love it though!”

“Do I?”

“You do! ‘Cause if you didn't, remember that one time I tried tickling your hoof?”

Mountain's face went blank, completely sour and uninterested. “I don't regret it.”

“My dick was broken! I swear you killed me with that kick!”

“You deserved it…” Was all Swiss received in a low complaint.

Swiss flopped to his stomach after rolling his eyes, thumb pulling Mountain's hood back while he licked his lips again. He moved close and brought the small cock to his mouth, slowly rocking himself forwards and back to stimulate. Mountain's breathy moans only encouraged him more, unable to stop his laughter again as his mate's fluffy tail tip began to flick at his hip. Bringing his fingers up and careful of his claws, Swiss slowly pumped Mountain in the same sync of his sucks, pulling his foreskin back and causing the sensitivity to increase.

Claws went into Swiss’ butterfly locs, tugging and more sensitive at the scalp. Mountain kept him close, the other arm under his head for a prop to watch his mate continue to go down on him. His mouth laid lax, drool pooling and another low groan leaving his throat. Mountain chirped as Swiss poked his fingers at Mountain's cunt, quickly stopping as Mountain butted his knee against him. Swiss moved his hand away and gave a thumbs up, compromising by bringing his face down, tongue fucking his wet hole instead. Rutting up, the earth moved his spare hand out from under him, clawing at the cloth couch beneath them, fangs bared as he felt his dick twitch in neglect.

“Fuck,” Mountain keened, squeezing his eyes shut. His hips twitched upwards, Swiss keeping a tight hold on them afterwards. His thumbs went in gentle circles and eventually rubbed Mountain's sides, sending him on a sudden high of electricity, eyes rolling back.

The multi moved back to the small cock waiting, fully hard and even twitching as he blew air on it. “I fucking love your cock, baby.” Swiss moaned, delving back in.

Wet folds welcomed Swiss with every movement, Mountain's sweet hitches and whines adding in that. Mountain's knees quickly caved in on Swiss, keeping him there as he rutted back again. The drummer started panting, simply muttering Swiss’ name, trying to move away yet keep him close at the same time. The moment Swiss’ fangs grazed over Mountain's t-dick, a flood of drool and squirt covered his mouth and chin–Swiss dipping lower to lap at the gracious orgasm, hand pressing down on Mountain's stomach to keep him still as he continued to devour.

“Swiss…!”

With another lick after sucking his orgasm down, Swiss sat himself up, thumb going down to his chin to wipe what his tongue didn't get, pushing the pad into his mouth to suck it off. “Yeah, baby doll?”

The taller simply whined, covering his face and tail padding against his leg. “You're too much sometimes…”

“You love mee.” Swiss sang, swaying his hips for emphasis, his tent obvious with a growing stain from his pre touching the fabric.

Opening his arms, Swiss leaned down to continue putting himself forwards now on Mountain’s bare cunt, lips intertwining with haste. Hands tangled in one another's hair, Swiss pulling down which in return made Mountain groan. His hips twitched down again, eyeing Swiss before he went down to kiss at his neck.

“Swiss–” Mountain gasped, hands clutching Swiss’ shoulders as his neck was bitten and sucked. “Make me cum like that again, I'll let you fuck my thighs.”

Swiss’ tail instantly stood up, pulling back to eye his packmate. “Back shot way?”

A nod, “Back shot way.”

The singer groaned, moving back down. “Mmhm, yes sir! Don't have to tell me twice.”

“Gotta make that vet appointment, I swear…” Mountain sighed, resting his head back down again as he received it.

[mamawasatesttube]

i think we also need simon valentine back bc his possessiveness and jealousy over kon is so funny (sorry simon). i need him to witness bart just casually using kon as a jungle gym and grind his teeth about it. i want him to try to infodump about frogs to kon but tim interrupts like oh thats cool. hey i modded my car this weekend do you wanna see!! and simon is like. excuse me. i was infodumping first. sims negative reaction. and bart is STILL sitting on kon's shoulder like a weird parrot.

peak comedy to me is simon valentine stuck in a room with tim kon and bart. kons in the middle of it and doesnt even realize. simon is radiating intense jealous vibes but tim and bart are both like lmao ok anyways, this is OUR kon. <3 Autistic Hostility (intensely one-sided) (but also somehow 3x combo?) (kon is oblivious but he can pick up on the vibes) (the vibes are rancid bro) (Autistic Hostility.)

[acknowledge-reigns]

Rivals With Benefits | Jey x Black!fem OC (18+)

Description: Jey and Jax disagree on plans for Roman and Iris engagemennt party.

Chapter: 1/5

Face Claim: Ariana Debose.

Warnings: Arguing, Mild Angst, Strong language.

This is set in an AU in which the og bloodline reunited before wrestlemania 40 and Roman retained. This is the Jey x Jax sequel to Swipe Right. As always my stories are NOT about real people and does not reflect their character. While there is not smut in Chapter 1, there will be in others. This is very much an 18+ BDSM based romance with some comedy thrown in there. This particular story features Jey as a Daddy Dom (Not Mysterio, you fucking nerds 😂) google if necessary and if this isn't for you, please scroll. You have been warned.

Word count: 1,867

My masterlist can be found here

Iris and Roman sat down with Jax and Jey to discuss the details of their engagement party. They'd decided against the stereotypical Bachlorette and bachelor party and just wanted to have one big gathering. After some discussion, they decided to leave the planning to the two of them, knowing that they could handle it.

However, as soon as they started planning, it became clear that Jax and Jey were not on the same page. They argued about everything from the venue to the guest list to the menu. Just like their first date.

Jax was frustrated with Jey's need to control everything. "Why do you always have to be in charge?" she snapped. "Can't you just trust me to make some decisions for once?"

Jey rolled his eyes, clearly irritated by Jax's accusation. "I'm not trying to control anything," he retorted. "I just want things to be perfect, and that includes every little detail."

Jax scoffed, not believing him for a second. "You always have to have everything your way," she retorted. "It's not about perfection, it's about finding a balance and making decisions together."

"Roman will have my head if we fuck this up and upset Iris. You're not bloodline. You don't get it." Jey snapped.

Jax was taken aback by Jey's harsh words, but she refused to back down. "You think I don't care about Iris's happiness? she's my big sister!" she retorted, her voice shaking slightly. "And just because I'm not part of your 'bloodline' doesn't mean I don't understand what it means to be family. you are so full of yourself!"

Jey's face darkened at Jax's comment, his eyes narrowing. "I am full of myself?" he said through gritted teeth. "You're the one who can't seem to get past our first date, even a full year later. You still hold it against me."

Jax clenched her fists, feeling the familiar anger and hurt bubbling up inside her. "Of course I do," she snapped. "You were arrogant and dismissive. You didn't even try to make me feel comfortable."

"I was trying to be a gentleman!" Jey argued back.

Jax let out a derisive laugh. "Oh please," she said sarcastically. "A gentleman doesn't ignore his date's feelings and make her feel like a fool."

Jey's jaw clenched tighter, his anger rising. "You're impossible," he said, his voice filled with frustration. "You never give me a chance to explain myself or make things right. You just assume the worst of me."

"And you never take responsibility for your actions," Jax shot back, her eyes flashing with anger. "You always blame everyone else for everything. I'm sick of it. You want to control everything because you lack control in your professional and family life because you let Roman push you around like a little bitch!"

Jey's face twisted into a snarl at Jax's harsh words. He was used to being pushed around by Roman, but hearing it from Jax felt like a personal attack. "You don't know what you're talking about," he said through gritted teeth, his fists clenched at his sides.

Jax crossed her arms, her expression hardening. "Oh, I think I do," she retorted. "You're a yes man, always doing what your lil tribal chief tells you to do. It's like you have no spine or thoughts of your own."

Jey's anger reached its peak. He took a step forward, his body tensed like a coiled spring. "You think you know everything, don't you?" he said, his voice dripping with venom. "But you're just as controlling as I am. You always have to have your way, and when things don't go according to plan, you throw a tantrum like a damn child."

Jax's eyes narrowed, and she met his gaze head-on. "At least I admit it when I'm wrong," she shot back. "You just wallow in your own stubbornness and blame everyone else for your mistakes."

Jax took a deep breath, realizing that they were both getting nowhere with this argument. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm herself down. When she opened them again, she looked directly at Jey, her expression softening slightly.

"Look. I'm sorry," she said, her voice firm but gentle. "I know we have our differences, but we need to work together for this engagement party. Can we just try to put our differences aside and make this work?"

Jey was taken aback by Jax's apology. He wasn't expecting her to back down so easily, but he could see the sincerity in her eyes.

He took a deep breath, letting go of some of his own anger. "I'm sorry too," he said, his voice softer now. "I shouldn't have let our past get in the way of our planning. Let's try to focus on making this engagement party a success."

Jax nodded, relieved that they had managed to reach a truce. "Good," she said, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Now, let's go over our ideas again, without all the yelling this time."

They sat down again, this time in a more relaxed atmosphere. Jey took out his notes and went over his ideas for the engagement party. He explained his vision for the decorations, the food, and the entertainment, with Jax listening intently.

To her surprise, Jey had put a lot of thought into the details and had even taken into account her preferences. She was touched by his effort to make the party special for Iris and Roman. But she damn sure wasn't going to admit it.

As Jey continued to share his ideas, Jax found herself nodding along, agreeing with many of his suggestions. She had to admit that he had a good eye for detail and had a great sense of what would make Iris and Roman happy.

She started to feel a sense of gratitude towards him, realizing that they could work well together when they put their minds to it.

"I have to say," Jax said after Jey finished speaking, "your plan is actually.. alright I guess. I think it will make for a wonderful engagement party."

Jey's face lit up with a mix of surprise and relief. "Really?" he asked, a hint of excitement in his voice. "You're okay with it?"

Jax smiled at him. "Yes, I am," she said firmly. "You've put a lot of thought into it, and it's clear that you want to make this day special for my sister and Roman. I trust your judgment on this one."

"But we are NOT serving waffle house" Jax added

Jey chuckled, remembering the heated argument they had about food earlier. "Aight, fine." he said with a nod. "We can skip the waffle house and find something else that's more upscale and appropriate for an engagement party."

"Look at you growing up." Jax teased in response.

Jey rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but smirk at her teasing. "I've always been mature," he retorted playfully. "You just refuse to acknowledge it."

"Yeah yeah yeah. As if, Yeet-man." Jax couldn't hold back her chuckle.

Jey shook his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You're literally insufferable."

Jax suddenly remembered the harsh words she had said earlier about Roman and how they had affected Jey. She knew she had crossed a line, and it was time to apologize again.

"Jey," she said, her voice sincere. "I want to apologize again for what I said earlier about Roman. It was uncalled for and I know it hurt you. I shouldn't have said it, and I'm sorry."

Jey's expression softened at Jax's apology. He had been hurt by her words, but he could tell that she was genuinely sorry.

"It's okay," he said quietly, his voice filled with a hint of vulnerability. "I know you didn't mean it. But you're right, Roman does push me around sometimes, and it can be frustrating."

Jax could see the frustration and pain in Jey's eyes as he spoke about Roman. She realized that there was a lot more going on beneath the surface than she had initially thought.

"You know," she said softly, "you deserve better than being treated like a puppet. You have your own strengths and talents, and you should be able to stand up for yourself more."

Jey nodded, his expression contemplative. "I know," he said, his voice laced with resignation. "But it's hard to break away from Roman's control. He's been in charge for so long, and it's just... easier to let him take the lead. Besides, it used to be much worse."

"I can't believe Iris is marrying into this soap opera" Jax said.

Jey chuckled wryly at her comment. "I know, right?" he said, shaking his head. "It's a real mess. But at the end of the day, I'm just happy that Roman has found love and happiness with Iris."

Jax nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I'm happy for them too," she said. "And even though Roman can be a bit... intense, I have to admit that he's been good for her. She's never been happier than when she's with him."

Jey leaned back in his chair, his eyes growing distant as he thought about Roman and Iris's relationship.

"Roman is... different with Iris," he said quietly. "He's more patient, more affectionate, more open. He treats her like a queen and dotes on her every need. It's almost as if he's a completely different person when he's with her. She makes him better."

Jax could see the affection in Jey's eyes as he spoke about Roman's relationship with Iris. It was clear that despite their differences, he cared deeply for his cousin.

"I've never seen him like this before," Jey continued, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Jax took a moment to think about what Jey had said before asking, "You know, you said that Roman's different with Iris. Do you think you'll ever have someone who brings out that side of you too?"

Jey looked down at his hands, a mix of emotions crossing his face. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. "I hope so. But I've never really been lucky in love."

Jax's heart ached at Jey's words. She had never seen him so vulnerable before. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but she wasn't sure if he would welcome the gesture.

Jey could feel the silence growing heavier, and he looked up at Jax, a hint of sadness in his eyes. He was grateful that she hadn't offered any platitudes or empty reassurances, but at the same time, he was feeling more vulnerable than he had in a long time.

Jax could see the vulnerability in Jey's eyes and knew that he needed some space to process his emotions. She didn't want to make him feel more uncomfortable, so she decided to change the subject.

"So, we've got a lot of planning to do," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "Let's get back to it."

Jey nodded gratefully, glad for the change of subject. He quickly returned to the conversation about the engagement party, grateful to have something to focus on besides his own personal feelings.

"Right," he said, taking out his notes.

Prologue ●◉◎◈◎◉● Next Chapter

[twigg96]

Merle X Reader HC/Fic

Sooo... I might have a thing for the Dixon boys lol.... Here are some HCs for Merle. Next in this series will be either Negan or Rick <3

Merle didn't do relationships... he normally did flings. Hot, steamy, one night stands that meant nothing to either partner. That took no emotional effort at all on his part.

Merle didn't normally do emotions. Emotions were messy. Emotions got him hurt. His emotional bandwidth was taken up by family. Or what was left of it anyway...

But then he met you... when his normal coping mechanisms of harsh comedy and pulling away didn't work on you and you only drew closer to the crass man only wishing to know him further... Merle started to become intrigued with you and these new feelings bubbling up in him. Although he wouldn't dare label the emotions as anything more than curiosity. You would say you and Merle had become thick as thieves.

He brought you home to meet his brother. Something he often did with some of his long term flings but something was special about you. Something different. He hadn't fucked you... as a matter of fact he didn't really want to or feel a need to... he just wanted to keep you close. Watch you hang out with Daryl in their little trailer and watch a shitty movie with an arm around your shoulder... if you let him. It was a weird feeling that pissed him off slightly. He knew your body was fucking smoking hot. He knew he should be simply banging you silly in his room, listening to this movie in the background, before moving on with his life. Not dwelling on whatever the fuck this new feeling was. But as you laughed at the movie, handing the popcorn to Daryl and leaning into his own side more, sharing a joke Merle knew would soon become an inside joke between the two of you, treating the younger Dixon as an equal instead of a pest or a nuisance who didn't belong in his own home like so many of his partners had before... it peaked his interest to peer deeper into those unknown emotions he was experiencing.

Taking you out to go hunting was just one way Merle showed his... interest in you. It was his way of showing off his skills in the sport as well as teaching you vital skills he learned in his life. Skills he hoped you'd never have to use. Skills he could never know would end up saving not only your life but the lives of many in the future. Merle saved for weeks at his shitty dead end job (dealing wasn't always what it was cracked up to be) to pay for all three of your hunting licenses (just cause he lived life in the fast lane didn't mean he always felt the need to skirt the law... didn't help he used a fake ID to get the damned things though) and everything you'd need to go in the coming weeks. If there was anything he could pride himself in it was semi-legally bringing food to the table.

Inviting you over the night before he let you take his own bed and to the amazement of Daryl he took the couch. Merle had claimed it was so that when he got up to get ready he wouldn't wake you, but in the morning when he woke up at the ungodly hour before the sun rose to find you already awake, completely dressed and brewing coffee, Merle was damned tempted to call off the hunt to spend the day at home hunting you. But Daryl coming out of the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and a tired far away look in his eye reminded him he had a duty to get meat for harsh winter ahead.

However Merle never had the patience to hunt normally... So he brought along entertainment and some accelerators that made the hunt go by faster and in his favor. Leading you through the woods the two of you walked silently saying a quick good luck to Daryl as he took off on his own. Merle knew his brother always did do better on his own and would probably out hunt you both, his proclivity to hunt from the break of dawn until the sunset baffled Merle. Settling you down in a small grove of oak trees Merle wrapped an arm around your waist pointing in the direction the deer would appear if he scouted right. The sun slowly rose into the sky turning it a deep red before it ascended into the sky. The cool fall morning never warmed above chilling and the eldest Dixon knew the deer were bedding down to keep warm. Pulling you to your feet Merle walked with you. He had bought cherry bombs from one of the dealers he associated himself with for a case such as this. Using a slingshot and a lit cigarette he shot them into the thick brush when he got bored. Laughing as they exploded spraying twigs and dirt into the air. He'd deal with the aftermath of Daryl's anger later when they got home... but for now he let the beaming smile on your face drive him. Handing the slingshot to you, he pointed to a different spot in the brush, lighting the bomb with the end of his cigarette. Thunk... BOOM. You both laughed as more dirt flew and several deer jumped from the brush. They each darted in several directions and before Merle could pull his gun up to take a good shot; a gun beside him went off. It was the first deer you ever bagged.

As time went on Merle started bringing you with him nearly everywhere. To the grocery store. To the gas station. But mostly to the bar. You didn't seem to drink that much. If you did drink it was only a few before you limited yourself. Merle never had that kind of restraint. He over indulged. He always did. He was loud, crass, and could be mean as a rattle snake when he drank. More so than normal. It seemed to only be exasperated when he was under the influence. But you never seemed to notice or care. Still connected to his hip all through the night. Laughing at his shitty jokes. Correcting his over crass behavior when he got too rowdy. Keeping him from getting himself killed by sneakily limiting his drinks through the night. Or simply diluting them with water or seltzer.

You truly were his angel.

When some guy with a death wish decided he wanted to try and force his way between you two. “Damn, girl. You got a nice ass.” The jackass growled shoving himself between you and the eldest Dixon. If you hadn’t given Merle a talk before you both left the house he might have killed the guy already. But you promised him you’d do your best to handle it and would flag him if you needed. So with all the strength Merle had in his his drunken body. He walked over to join his brother glaring holes into the back of the asshole’s skull who swayed drunkenly trying to whoo you off your feet. “Surprised you haven’t laid ‘im out yet.” Daryl drawled following Merle’s gaze, glaring daggers at the jackass. “Seen ya lay guys out fer less before.” He hummed taking a sip of the beer he’d been nursing through most of the night. Watching as you shook you head politely at the man’s advances, turning to the bar and drinking down your liquor uncomfortably Merle simply hummed. “Said I’d stay back this time. But if he lays a hand on her it’s fair game, little brother.” Merle growled shooting Daryl a look that spoke volumes. Merle watched as you moved your body further away from the man as he stepped a little closer keeping your arms tucked tight around your middle to keep from accidentally bumping into him. Merle watched as you shook your head again standing slowly and shaking your hand. But that’s when the asshole turned into enemy number one. The dick bag had the fucking gull. The sheer audacity to grab you by the wrist, shoving you into the bar, caging you there with his body. He stood over you stumbling only slightly as you shoved against him with all your strength. Merle didn’t have to say a word when Daryl sat his beer down, knowing exactly what was coming next following him willing across the country bar. Merle grabbed the bastard by the ear, dragging him out into the alley between the bar and the abandoned building beside it. Together he and Daryl made the fucker regret the day he was born.

The day the world fell into chaos Merle hadn't believed it at first. What a sick joke. Human beings returning from the dead. Human beings eating each other. The world falling apart. You had come over early in the morning before work. Cuddling up to Merle he somehow convinced you to stay home, call off. Even if he didn't believe the shit himself. He just had a... feeling. Now he was glad he had it. Daryl had been up on the mountain hunting. Watching as camera men risked life and limb to get closer to the action you both speculated it was only in the cities... and it was... at first. Then you heard the gunshots next door. And Merle's military training went into overdrive. Grabbing dusty duffle bag after dusty duffle bag of supplies he had stashed around the house Merle tied them tight to his bike.

It took three days for you and Merle to find Daryl out in the woods. Luckily for you both the geeks had just as much of a hard time. There were no biters out in the middle of no where. And if Merle had thought that an emergency would have lasted more than a week for three people, he would have packed more water. But he didn't and with the biters carrying some sort of disease. Merle didn't want to risk catching it in the water.

The three of you raided houses and small groups for a time. Daryl hated it. That much was evident. You hated it more. You had grown silent. distant. Though Merle couldn't tell if it was because of hunger or regret that had you pulling away. But he tried not to think about it. He just tried to focus on the survival of all of you.

When you all made it to the Quarry, Merle had origianlly wanted to raid it like the others and dip. But the kids... You and Daryl wouldn't let him. And so there he sat, a week later. Wittling a damned fishing rod for some broad he didn't know so she and her sister could go try and fish... Useless. Meanwhile you were being hounded by the big headed prick Shane. Every time he turned around he was nosing around you. If it were any time before three weeks ago he would have laid Shane out flat and thought nothing about it... But now... he had to act right... or Shane would kick them out... not that he would give a shit... but You were right. Even if he hated it. There was a safety in numbers.

Unfortunately... Merle could never keep his anger in check nor his mouth shut for long. The combination always seemed to get him in trouble. With the law - he was arrested more times than he could count and with more prison time than he probably deserved but let go because a fantastic lawyer. With ex-partners- he always said shit he would regret- it cost him a relationship with one of his maybe kids... he really should have looked into that before the end of the world... But now he was handcuffed to a roof. no hope to see you again ever again. All because his big mouth and bigger ego.

Finding the graves at the Quarry was the hardest thing he ever had to go through beyond war. Digging them up with one hand in the wet muddy ground coming down off of all his drugs to be certain none of them held you or Daryl... was his coming to religion moment.

The entire time he worked for the Governor Merle searched for you and Daryl. If Daryl had you he knew you were safe. Not that he doubted you. Merle trusted that you were out there somewhere now throwing cherry bombs into the woods to scare the deer into coming out for Daryl.

Walking in the woods one night on patrol Merle counted the stars. The moon. He never really looked at them before. You had tried once to show him the constellations. Where they all where at different times. Stars were your thing. Not his. He pretended to be interested. But you could tell he wasn't interested. He wished he could give you the time now.

Months into his service to Woodbury he was out doing the Governor's bidding. There had been a disturbance at the line apparently. He was deployed to deal with it. He hated his job but... it made the time pass. Better than in a jail cell he supposed... Searching under cars and in broken grocery store windows he disposed of a few walkers before watching a shadow scurry across the dusty glass of a hardware store window. "If yer looking to get a weapon yer out a luck... but if ya need a tool-" He froze. You stood in the glass staring back at him fear washed over your face before you ran to hide behind some shelves. Had you not seen him? Not recognized his voice?! Or maybe he was hallucinating again... it seemed to be a theme recently. He was seeing your face everywhere. Even in the paintings that Phillip had hanging in the halls. Walking into the store Merle growled rounding the aisles looking for you. This was ridiculous why- Oh... it was just a teen... Letting her slip past him he sighed pretending not to see them at all just willing to tell the teams that they were seeing shit again.

The trek to the prison felt like walking into death row. From one prison into another Merle thought walking beside Daryl. He didn't dare ask about you. Though the question burned in his mind so brightly that he nearly screamed it several times. It wasn't the time... wasn't the place. Not after the things Daryl had seen. Not after the changes he'd made. He wasn't the same Daryl that Merle left behind. More mature. Decisive. It was good to see in a way. It brough Pride to his chest in way that made him want to smile. It also brought tears in a painful way that made him want to scream and cry out for the time he lost. When the gates opened and only hostility came... you never did Merle looked desperately to Daryl who only could look to the ground. "Went out lookin' for ya." Merle shook his head turning towards the gate. "Merle." Daryl yelled. "I... I'll take ya too 'em." Daryl sighed looking very much like the boy Merle remembered. Leading Merle to a group of graves only marked with crosses not in a dissimilar way that the group at the Quarry used Daryl stopped. Feeling bile rise to the top of his throat at the sick feeling of Deja vu Merle shook his head. "Went out lookin' for ya every day... one day... didn't come back so I went lookin'..." Daryl sniffed gesturing to a cross with your name. "Found 'em turned and wandering back by Woodbury... not sure what happened... but we have our ideas."

Merle lived day by day and in a daze from then on. He lived for Daryl. Had to keep him safe. Like he always did. but it was different. Without you there to light up his life he was just existing waiting for what he couldn't put a name to it. So when the governor wanted to meet. A trade. Merle knew what he had to do. You died near Woodbury. The Governor knew... now... he would pay... he would know not to fuck with Rick... He'd stay the fuck away from Daryl and he'd regret ever letting you die on his land.

Impulsive. Merle had always been impulsive. and it always got him in trouble... but this time as his vison faded to black and a light shined in his eyes he was sure was the sun... he heard your voice... and he smiled.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

So, husband had surgery on his hand today (related to the stroke he had on January Friday the 13th…can we all agree that while tragic and devastating and painful, this is also peak comedy and it’s really hard to keep a straight face with Serious Medical Professionals who are trying to give Important Medical Care Information)

Notable hilarity:

The nurses and doctors all have badges to get them through certain corridors. Once you are inside the hospital, they badge you through to certain areas. As part of their job, as part of the medical process, etc. They are focused on the patient, so if you just happen to be memorizing all the turns, they aren’t going to notice.

They also don’t get paid enough to stop you when you barge in randomly.

My husband’s surgery took two hours but they held him until the anesthesia wore off so my reasons for barging in were “he just got out of surgery and he needs his phone” (the phone did not get left with him, he was way too groggy for that) “I went home and brought the dog back with me, this is Zelda” (huge success, one nurse said it was a “great Halloween surprise”)

Got asked by a random woman how I made it past the doors, as she was in the same predicament (husband in the recovery ward) and I was like “just flag down someone who doesn’t get paid enough to care” and since I was currently holding the door open for her to “illegally” access her husband, she just did that whole face scrunch shrug thing of “I don’t want to or dislike breaking rules/medical advice, but I’m on a Husband Caregiver Mission, sooo…through the door it is.”

My husbands very drugged and groggy reaction to Zelda being there. Lots of “Oh, this is my baby. Have you met my baby? Hi baby!” He introduced the same nurse to the same dog 2.5 times. I stopped the third one halfway through because she was unhooking him from the machines and it was time for him to put his Real People Clothes back on.

Have you ever dressed your spouse while they are very very drugged and you are sober? Drunk counts.

Like, he knew it was me doing the dressing, but the conversation you have to have leading up to putting on a shirt…my siblings are so drastically younger than me that I Know How To Dress Another Person Efficiently…but having to explain to a drugged spouse that shirts go on first, sitting down, then ALSO SITTING DOWN underwear and pants get put on one leg at a time, and we pull them up together.

I think “don’t forget the fly, pull the fly up, I don’t wanna flash the nurses” has got to be my second favorite drugged up spouse line. He had full underwear, there was no risk of flashing.

My absolute favorite drugged up spouse line is when I barged into the recovery unit the first time (so no dog) and the nurse was like, “he’s still pretty out of it, it’s probably going to be another hour,”

And I’m not the best wife, okay, so in front of my drugged up husband who absolutely HATES having his blackheads or pimples popped, I say out loud “so, basically he can’t run away or fight me at all right now if I go after the blackheads on his face?”

And my husband swings his good arm at me vaguely and with zero force and says “NNgh! Fight. Nnnnnno.” And then sort of collapses and gives the nurse his giant puppy eyes and says “Don’ ledder. Plesss.”

And me and the nurse both look each other in the face and recognize that I’m really just testing how out of it he is and agreeing with her.

Also I started a frozen lasagna when I went back to get the dog…my recommendation going forward is that you should add at least a half hour onto your time if you want fresh food waiting for whatever patient you’re helping. Also it’s hard to juggle sides, so having lasagna and Texas toast with cheese shreds is…not ideal.

[heywriters]

how to make a tumblr post (and get notes!)

Have never seen any post discuss these exact things, so i'm sharing my insights with y'all*

Use images. They don't have to be good or spectacular like this extremely coherent thing I just made. They just need to catch the eye break up dashboard monotony.

The gif search feature is an unreliable wild card at best and a NSFW eye gouge at worst, but it gives credit to the op of the gif

If you're an artist your whole post is your images, so skip to the links and tags section of this post because the rest won't help much.

-> Image Descriptions

When making a post that contains images, hover over an image and click the meatballs icon in the lower right corner of the image. Click "update description" to add a description. It isn't always necessary, but it is very courteous for a variety of accessibility reasons.

-> Text

Break up your text. Run-on sentences are standard here, lack of punctuation too, you can really do whatever you want, but avoid massive blocks of text. unless you've got a really incendiary opening line and the entire center of that granite chunk of text is actually comedy gold, hard-hitting tumblr journalism, or one of those zany confessional posts that can be followed up by the drive thru meme

break up

your text.

and go light on the ALL CAPS. save it for emphasis or when you're feeling very unhinged or saRcAStiC y'know how that goes, i don't need to explain it. this site has a very dry tone to its posts so caps are rare. also periods

Bullet points and numbered posts are good and fine. The "Chat" post option is used less often these days, but different groups found uses for it so it sticks around.

Titles Matter

they help break up text and put people at ease. they are best for informative, mature posts but can make you look like a square in more relaxed conversations. sometimes they are also great for emphasis in a comedic sh*tpost (censorship is entirely up to you, btw. you don't have to censor much on tumblr except titties and genitals).

Tumblr automatically shortens long posts now, but etiquette asks that you tag #long post if you want to avoid clogging up someone's dash. It don't matter too much though, this is the "color of the sky" site, so get used to posts being too long

That being said "READ MORE" is a fantastic feature. Use it when you want some level of privacy like "hey, only click below if you want to hear about my problems" or "click below to read my 18+ fanfic." Read more is also great in case you want to delete something forever. If a reblogged post has a read more, but op deleted the og post, that content is gone (readmore has to be on the og post at time of posting for this to work, btw; edits to og post do not span all reblogs)

the other bells and whistles like colored font or italics are helpful in improving text, but we don't really rely on them. every mode of looking at this site alters those aspects somehow so we often ignore them

-> Links

Hint: People don't want to click links. We don't know where they're taking us. Most of us are on our phone and don't want to open another tab or leave the app to go on the browser. We're cozy here on Tumblr and do not wish to be whisked away (unless it's a rickroll)

Don't leave the link thumbnail to do all the work, like so

add a little sneak peak info, maybe your favorite line from the article or a reason why it's important for people to know the info on the other side of that link. Sell it!

When you're adding a link into a list, i.e. no large thumbnail just a line of text leading you to another site, try not to copy/paste the link as is

"https://......"

No one wants to click on that it's gross and scary. It's screams "meh, i'll click later if i feel like it." If the build up to the link is too good to resist ("if you want to save the orphaned puppies here's the link") then that http mess is sufficient.

Otherwise, dress your links up a little by including the title or a description of what the link goes to:

Or, if it's an informal post where you're just popping info in to back up whatever insane thing you just said, just write something like "link here" or "(x)" and hyperlink it.

-> Tags

artists, writers, and other creators: leave a tag on your creative content that makes it easy for blog visitors to see it all at once. e.g. "My work" and we click on that while on your blog and see only your works

You can have up to thirty tags on any post. All will make your post show up in searches and followed tags (it used to be only the first five tags that got you traction). However,

Please. Do not tag everything you can possibly imagine being relevant to your post because

It's called tag spam and it's against TOS

Everyone here hates that

No one is going to check all those tags ever. Someone might search one five years from now and accidentally find your post hanging out in the ether and they'll still ignore it.

Your imagination is wicked tiny because I guarantee the perfect tag is going to be something indecipherable and seemingly niche.

Follow popular tags (or at least be aware of them)

If yours is an off-the-cuff post and you don't have time to find out what a niche group is into then wing it, sure, idc. this is also the shitposting site do whatever you want

Don't put your hate in the fan tags. This is the unapologetically-like-dumb-things site and your negativity is not wanted. You can still complain, just avoid tagging to get the attention of the fans of whatever you're complaining about. That enables pvp and even nonfans will know you deserve the backlash

-> Audio & Video

clickable by nature because we all love noise and moving images so there's no special way to share posts like this. just post them with good tags and maybe a one-liner, and they'll sell themselves

Tip: it's nice to add descriptions to these too but it isn't common

Protip: if the audio is the best part of the video (e.g. a baby burps REALLY loudly and it's hilarious) please caption or tag "Unmute!"

-> mkay bye

that's all i can think of right now. will update later if i remember something

---

*this is year eleven of my time on tumbles and i studied marketing in college for like six of those years and have been applying that bupkis to tumblr ever since. every post i see that gets no traction and every lovely artist that goes nowhere on here bothers me so deeply and i sincerely want y'all to succeed <3 <3

+ If you find this helpful and want to support my blog, I have a ko-fi!

+ If you're concerned about my mental health from being on Tumblr so long and want to contribute to my "get better" fund, I have a ko-fi!

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

Another post? damn

I was on vacation a few weeks back and had no internet so I downloaded all Fanfciton that were Satoru/Shoko tagged and rated them.

Here are the ones I rated 5/5 ... so i guess this is a ff recommendation post lol

The delicate art of flirting

3rdgymbros

Words: 1,960, Satosho, 5/5

This is so good. I love that the first years get brought into the infirmary and they just KNOW ahahahahah. Also it’s just this casual side thing but there something so much deeper that i hurts which i like about this ship

Like a lost shirt

Lua

Words:1,520, Satosho, 5/5

I am a sucker for raw and "practical" relationships. Like this is exactly how I imagine them to grieve for Suguru and I love that so much can be left unsaid but the reader and Satoru and Shoko both just know. What they have isn't healthy but it's the only thing they can have. A happy and healthy relationship with someone else would just simply not work. They are both too fucked up for that.

Sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)

Her_black_tights

Words: 17,761 Sashisu/ Satosho 5/5

So I am biased on this one cuz this is one of my headcanons. That Suguru fucked around with both and that his absence is why Gojo and Shoko are a thing. And I feel like this fic perfectly encapsulates the hurt, the brokenness and the necessity of their relationship. Like this is how they cope and its messy and unhealthy and i love it

Listen I love you joy is coming

Antioedipus

Words:3,938 Satosho 5/5

This one is cute. Nah cute is the wrong word, they are goblins but it’s nice. They are both fucked up which is funny. Also 100% can see that Shoko doesn't have the emotional capacity to console a crying woman but still would do the right thing even if she doesn't think it’s the right thing. 

Work and not run (skip and not fall)

Aminstrel

Words:2,300 Satosho 5/5

Love this! Cute! Exactly how i Imagine them. Also match cut? Peak comedy hahahaha goblin energy.

Catalyst

tiressian

Words:4,170 Satosho 5/5

AYOOOOO first tiressian ff. i remember reading this and having gotten new horizons opened xD Anyway: love it, super nice character interaction. Love it when Gojo is stumbling over his words, a tiressian special! Also love the aftermath, hilarious but sweet.

To my significant (b)other

Tiressian

Words: 6,621 Satosho 5/5

Another banger! Back to back? Spoiled honestly. I love this one just because it makes so much sense that she writes a list. Also Gojo high as balls is hilarious. Then the whole dialogue at the wedding with the chaste touches omg my skin is prickling. Love it.

Warmth

Satoluvs

Words:2,663 Satosho 5/5

I LOVE THIS. Omg adopted Yuji has my heart. Also consoling somebody by not talking it out but taking them in giving them affection to cure the sadness omg. Also also Satoru and Shoko just dating super casually i looooovee it.

Breathing underwater 

Shrimphony

Words:1,848 Sashisu/ Satosho 5/5

This one hurts so much omg. And this could easily be canon. Idk why Gege does not show us Shoko’s grief more…. Like even if it's platonic how can she not find solace in Gojo still being there hmm? And then when Gojo, Nanami and Yaga get ripped from her, that must have destroyed her…

Shore 

Tiressian

Words:7,161 Satosho 5/5

VERY TASTY thank you for the meal. I love their dynamic. Back with the tiressian special. Also Shoko making him do push ups, same girl same i get it. Love the banter, it makes so much sense.

Epoch

Tiressian

Words:6,341 Satosho 5/5

Yum, yes, very nice. Love cheerleader Gojo, he has my heart, that poor dude. No other comments it's perfect

Call it a hunch

Tiressian

Words: 5,560 Satosho 5/5

I think this is one of my favourites hahhaha. I love how panda is trying to convince everybody hahahahah. Also the snowball fight is glorious xD the little yuta/maki you slipped  in there, i see you hehehehe. And the end has me ROLLING HAHAHAHAH

It's the thought that counts 

Tiressian

Words: 2,182 Satosho 5/5

THE CUTEST ahhhh i love them i really really need to draw the three of them uff.

there's lots of 4/5 ones too that I'd recommend but i need to cap the list somewhere xD (the google doc has 12 pages wtf ahahahah) This is up for changes anyway :P but enjoy my recommendations xD

[witchhazelevesque]

Was there a reason the kids couldn’t have driven Ashlyn’s parents’ jeep into the graveyard during the day and left it there and then when they were in the phantom dimension driven it to like, the other side of the yard so moving back it in the normal dimension wouldn't impact its location in the phantom one?

And I mean this legitimately, I’m kinda of fuzzy on how the different dimensions work with this stuff, so like would that not have worked? Yeah it would have been weird to the Banners, but it seemed like a better option than a whole dangerous mission, even as much as they wanted to keep it a secret. I guess since the point was to eventually get out of the graveyard it made sense to you know, get out of the graveyard but still.

I know it was for The Plot (the joke about the author just needing Mike to go get the keys is peak comedy) and it’s a great scene, I’ve just always been confused by this logic

[qwordavoider]

911 Tag Game

rules: answer your opinion on these nine topics, then tag nine other people to give their opinion as well

I was tagged by @sherlockismarvelous9-1-1 🫶🏼

Favorite character: Buck, Ravi, and May

Character you relate to the most: Buck

Favorite episode: Jinx (I love when they lean into the comedy) also the rest of season 4 is so good. Peak Michael/Bobby besties, involving the dispatchers in their own highlight episode when Sue gets hit, Taylor and Buck at their best imo (ignoring the kiss at the end of the season).

Hottest take: They should’ve had Hen choose to stay in med school in season 6 and become a doctor. Keep her at the firehouse part time until she graduates. They made this whole big thing of her talking to her mom in season 4 about how the world needs more people like her as doctors and then had her go against that two seasons later. But they also missed out on future plot opportunities with Hen in the hospital. 911 is at its best when they include side characters and this would’ve given them the chance to complete the process that happens when you call 911. Dispatchers -> Police/Fire/Paramedics -> Hospital. They could still have her interact with the firefam and Athena when they bring people into the ER (in my mind she becomes a trauma surgeon or some kind of ER doc). I also think it would’ve opened the door for Buck to start taking on more responsibility and pave the way to being interim captain while Bobby’s gone. I think it would’ve been more interesting career development for Buck and Hen. Also Chimney in my mind should continue being an academy instructor after bringing Ravi back in season 6. And they could’ve moved Eddie over to paramedic to fill Hen’s spot and brought in a new probie so we could see Ravi move out of being the probie. Plus they would’ve had the opportunity to bring in another firefighter to shake up the dynamic. (Wow big feelings, I didn’t really have that much thought out until I started writing)

Favorite Lone Star character: Paul

Favorite ship: Bucktommy & Henren

Most underrated character: All of the dispatchers other than Maddie and Josh. Specifically like Terry, Linda, and Sue. Bring back asking Terry for things when you need help or to look at call logs. Also I want to know if Linda and Eddie still exchange recipes. And Sue as a mentor to Maddie is a dynamic I really love.

Most underrated ship: this already gets talked about but Henren seems to fall through the cracks of appreciation sometimes. Also in my mind Lucy and Taylor are friends with benefits who end up falling in love and don’t have kids but are the career driven fun aunts in their respective families.

One thing you would love to see: I’m gonna have to agree with @sherlockismarvelous9-1-1 and say a Rookie crossover. I think they have pretty similar vibes in the balance of action, drama, and comedy. Plus they both have lost or are about to lose their crossover shows (I’m expecting the new 911 spinoff to kinda be like Lone Star for the most part where there’s essentially no meaningful overlap just little cameos and Easter eggs for people who watch both). I want the rookie crossover to be more like the Chicagoverse where it’s multi-part episodes that get you to watch the other show to understand how it ended. Plus have all of the characters involved in the whole event and further impacts in the plot than just a mention of it in the next episode. It would also be good cross promotion for the two.

No pressure tagging (from ppl who interacted with my season 3 au post):

@fenrirscarsback @walkedthroughfires @cannibalhellhound @inawickedlittletown @sensitivescream @loureen-may @comfortpilot @the-last-shadow-knight @itsametaphorok