#like im fundamentally Nothing and my only purpose is what other people give me

[lycankeyy]

Starting to think maybe I shoulddd. Have a mini break from socializing so much soon. Because my brain is doing the Scary Thing again

[mythalism]

FMAB is the show of all time you are very correct and i have been wanting to do another rewatch of it myself. can i ask what you like about it? (love to hear people chat about things they really love !!)

WHAT A WONDERFUL MESSAGE!!!!!!! TALKING ABOUT FMAB IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

i think the most boring and least philosophical thing i love about it is the literal execution. i studied literature in college and storytelling as a craft is something i am passionate about, and i truly have never experienced a better, more expertly constructed narrative in my entire life. even if the themes or characters didn't resonate with you, i think anyone would struggle to argue that it is anything other than a nearly perfectly executed story. it has a clear message that it wants to tell; it states it plainly and without remorse. nothing is superfluous, every single scene and lines serves an explicit purpose that becomes clear at a later stage in the story. the characters are complex, flawed, realistic, interesting, and experience significant growth in ways that make logical sense. the lore, science, and worldbuilding is tight and does not lose itself in a confusing, abstract magic system. it's rules are clearly defined, and any deviations are explained, and have clear consequences. the plot is intentional and clear. it has incredible rewatch/re-read value because the foreshadowing is abundant. there is deeper political and philosophical meaning littered throughout for those who care to delve into it. the ending is near-perfect (id call the manga perfect, some show changes weaken it slightly. im looking at you roy finale scene...). there is not a single plot hole. every single thread that was introduced not only gets a satisfying conclusion, but a conclusion that has profound narrative impact. the way things come together in the final arc is actually breathtaking to witness and makes me giddy every single time.

on a more philosophical level, the overall message of the story is something that has resonated with me in a way nothing ever has in my entire life. a story that tackles religion, imperialism, genocide, and complacency within those systems with the goal of better understanding what it means to be a human being, and comes up with the conclusion that you are morally obligated to overthrow your evil government is fucking insane. i cannot think of anything else that so unashamedly makes such a statement. arakawa has talked about how japan's imperialism influenced the story, and it resonates similarly as an american. i just watched the first four episodes last night and i was struck by the freezing alchemist saying to edward "don't you know who you're working for and what they're doing?" and edward says, "who cares? its not my problem." and... well. if you have watched it, you know what he would have to say about that at the end of his journey. and isn't that were so many of us start out? is there a single more important belief to unlearn when you live at the heart of an empire? the way it so proudly declares that human connection is most powerful force in the universe floors me every time. it is a story that makes me a better, more thoughtful, more caring, more appreciative, and more accountable person, and it gives me hope for the world every single time i watch/read it. it has fundamentally changed my outlook on life and the human experience for the better.

i could keep going for literally years but i have actual schoolwork to do today so ill have to stop now. but im sure ill be writing thinkpieces on it as i get further in my rewatch. thanks for inviting me to yap <3

[hms-no-fun]

so, (SPOILERS FOR FIONNA AND CAKE but its relevant to the question but im gonna put a bunch of line breaks just in case lol)

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so fionna and cake ended with fionna basically being like, you know, youre RIGHT god, if magic came back my wish would simply be twisted and it would suck, there will be no rule breaking miracles! I will now work as a struggling minimum wage employee in seattle and Be Happy about it. i sure am glad the threat of losing everyone i know and love set me straight!! sorry to send u this really random thing the ending just felt like such a slap in the face and i wanted to ask someone who knows that exact Seattle Struggle. this is absolutely me appealing to the Writing Gods to back me up that the ending wasnt very good lmao but if i have a direct line to the craftsgoat i simply must use it for something stupid at least once

FULL SERIES SPOILERS FOR FIONNA & CAKE AFTER THE BREAK!!!

i really disagree with your read on the ending. it didn't feel like "just struggle with seattle minimum wage forever and be happy about it" at all to me! the whole instigating incident was that fionna wanted to transform reality into something that she personally thought would be better, without taking into account the fact that other people exist and have internal lives just as complex as hers. she comes back to her original world to find marshall and gary holding hands, explains to them the magical adventure she's been on and the fact that their world is about to transform into something unrecognizably magical, and they receive this with abject horror! fionna doesn't know whether simon becoming ice king again will erase marhsall & gary's burgeoning relationship, which makes her realize that in her quest to escape the boring, oppressive reality of working odd jobs to make ends meet, she's only ever focused that energy on how to make things better for her.

i really want to dig into this because it's a key theme of the show. there is a destructive selfishness innate to the "heroes" of this universe, who feel entitled to the joyous empowerment of being able to defeat anyone and everyone they see in open combat. cake has a whole musical number about this! simon's arc in the last two episodes was betty grabbing him and shaking him until he finally asked himself, how would my life have been different if i'd just once let the woman i loved steer the ship for a while? and then of course we see the lich in a reality where he succeeded in eradicating all life, only to find himself desiccated and without purpose, begging the god of chaos for an answer it cannot give. brian david gilbert's ice prince seems perfectly put together and successful, until the reveal that he's outsourced his madness to someone who didn't accept the terms of the crown's curse. this didn't solve the fundamental problem, it just inverted the roles of its expression by making princess bubblegum into the mad candy queen. nothing about the status quo has changed, simon has simply given himself a more dignified role in it.

this is a story about what happens when people in struggle behave as though they are the protagonist of reality. when fionna says "this is the world i want to fight for" she's not fighting for the right to get another shitty minimum wage job. i think you've really missed something by accepting that conclusion when cake the cat is right there saying that her magical self IS the version of herself she wants to live as. being a normal house cat for her was, arguably, a form of body dysmorphia, and the show lets her keep that magic at the end! the thing is, their world IS changed by the events of the show! the status quo is altered!

like, what do we actually see everyone DOING when the credits approach? we see this entire disconnected community banding together to rebuild the city together, and we see a huge crowd of protesters outside marshall's mom's place demanding that she lower rents. we see people connecting with other people, including three outcasts from other universes escaping to this more boring one for their own safety. i loved this ending honestly, because it felt to me like an attempted refutation of the very idea that you can magically transform reality into something better overnight. if fionna'd gotten her original wish and made her world into, like, candy world, then... what? let's say they play it as like, at last people are freed from the shackles of capitalism and everyone just gets to be weird funky critters going on adventures or whatever. what would that, as art, actually say? what would that mean to us in the real world? if we're going into this cartoon looking for some kind of revolutionary energy (which IS present in the text, much to its credit), what actionable or symbolically resonant message are we supposed to take from a story that resolves its problems with magic? at that point, it ceases to be relevant as anything more than pure fantasy, because it has abandoned any connection to the material reality WE are trapped in.

i don't want to magically transform the world overnight. this whole show goes out of its way to explore how trying to transform the world overnight, in a world where such a thing is possible, is a really fucking bad idea for a whole host of reasons. regardless, such things aren't possible in our world. so going into the finale, my worry was that they WOULD turn fionna's world into another candy world and just say, ah, the revolution is when you think the right things so hard that the material plane bends to your will.

that's neoliberal thinking. that's like the essence of the failed leftist project of the "end of history" era from the 90s onwards, when marxism was systematically rooted out of academic cultural analysis and replaced with the delusion that if you can just get people thinking the right things, you can affect change in the world. well here we are, it's 2023 and all that magical thinking has got us is a world on fire and a civilization of human beings so thoroughly disempowered that they would literally rather pretend to be a tortured anime protagonist than exist in this boring, shitty, violent reality. you can't think your way out of oppression. raising labor consciousness is, at best, step one. you want to know why unions are winning big right now when they've been completely useless in this country for decades? it's because they've stopped giving a shit about optics they can't control and remembered that the boss's value does not exist without labor. you do not necessarily need marxism for this, marxism is simply the most accurate articulation of the fact that workers who make the things a capitalist sells can kneecap the capitalist by refusing to make the things they want to sell. change doesn't happen with the publishing of a book or whatever, it happens when enough people in real life press their material demands hard enough that someone in charge is left no choice but to listen.

so for me, fionna & cake ending the way it did was a huge relief, because it wasn't espousing magical thinking. the solution to fionna's ennui and economic anxiety was not to just get another job and be happy to live in the world as it was-- it was to create a sense of shared community and struggle, uniting the not-seattleites in their survival of a near-apocalypse and using it as a jumping off point for fundamentally transforming the state of that world as it exists. fionna had to realize that her problems are everyone's problems, and that making her life personally better at the expense of everyone else's agency is just an act of kicking the can of responsibility down the road indefinitely. no one who gets their wish in this show is happy to have gotten it, or avoids punishing others who didn't ask to be involved.

the "canonization" of fionna & cake felt like a reaction to the idea that we in our world are permanently isolated from the fictional realities we create where change seems to come so easy, and the powerlessness that can engender. instead this show is saying, okay, let's say we are in continuity with these fantastical realities. what do we actually DO with that? how do we make this world more fun, more interesting, more fulfilling for everyone to live in? the answer is the same as it's always been, and no other answer would ever feel satisfying: you do it by organizing the workers against the current arrangement of the state with the explicit goal of transforming it for the better.

what does simon do at the end when he gives fionna her world to her? he says that no one person should have that responsibility, that it's been in one person's hands for too long. so he gives it to her in the form of a dandelion, whose blown seeds merge with and become part of everyone trying to survive the scarab's attack. the idea here is that while no single person ever possesses the power to transform the world on their own, the world itself belongs to all of us, and it is within our power to transform it together. those who hoard power want us to believe that this is not the case precisely because the basis of their power is fraudulent and maintained through the violence of the state.

as someone who does live in seattle for better and worse, as much as i do wish i could make literally anything better right the fuck now by whatever means necessary... the fact is i can't. and it does no one any good to labor under the assumption that i or any other individual has that kind of absolute transformative power. the solutions are all right there, and they are simple, materialist propositions whose only difficulty lies in how successfully we've been propagandized to think that the individual is God, or at least speaks on His behalf. there's no thinking our way out of this pickle, and no one's gonna do the hard work for us.

as to the question of how you actually get people in real life to get together and do all that hard work... well, personally i think it's unfair to ask a 10 episode cartoon show to give you any kind of actionable advice on that front. i might even go so far as to say that such an expectation is an expression of the very same magical thinking which the show tries to push back against! in any case i liked it quite a lot and i hope this rambling answer encourages you to revisit the show and reconsider some of your takeaways

[tonydaddingham]

Crowley refusing to build meaningful bonds with humans in the show while Aziraphale seems to have a lot of them just reminds me of how there's only one human I can remember Crowley explicitly having been close to? In both the book and the show he owns the original sketch of the Mona Lisa and it's signed with a handwritten note from Leonardo da Vinci referring to Crowley as his "dear friend Antonio". And Crowley helped with his design for the flying machine and told him about helicopters. Meanwhile fandom jokingly has a list going around of all the historical figures Aziraphale has been "close" with. Makes me think that S3 might explore Crowley's connection to humans in more depth, since we haven't really seen it like we have with Aziraphale, and he now insists on NOT getting to know them.

hi anon, sorry im only getting your ask now!!!✨ this has definitely made me ponder this element of crowley a little bit closer, because yeah - to my mind, you're absolutely right.

aziraphale is shown as having issues with sudden, unplanned, out-of-field change that throws him for a loop. crowley is more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, able to deal with making quick decisions and makes even quicker actions. and this is largely true, if you go by certain events given to us in the narrative (eg. aziraphale's reaction to the kiss, vs crowley coming up with the plan to go up to heaven).

however, i think it goes a little deeper, and is actually sometimes the other way around when it comes to things ending. aziraphale understands that some things are finite, that they have their time, and has made his peace with it. crowley however needs stability and consistency because seismic shift is scary, and disruption to the status quo means that what he has might be taken from him.

crowley didn't appear to give any thought what happened to dalrymple, but makes the offhand comment he does about not getting close to humans, when learning that dalrymple committed suicide. crowley reacted arguably way more emotionally to armageddon than aziraphale did, and was visibly panicking when confessing his feelings to aziraphale. the angel-who-crowley-was similarly was dismayed at - what felt to him ("that's nothing!") - the brief time in which his creations would be destroyed. and we can surmise pretty reliably his initial reaction to his sentence, and the immediate emotional aftermath, of when he fell. crowley cannot handle change, because each time a fundamental change has been threatened, he has lost something he holds close to his heart.

the double-edged sword in that is that crowley is - as you remarked - drawn to a handful (if even that many) of people that provide that stability and consistency. but he is lonely. going by the da vinci example, he forms relationships with humans because it feeds what i imagine is the hole left in him from the fall. da vinci was alive a fair while before - as i perceive it - he formed any truly deep connection with aziraphale (for me, 1601). is da vinci therefore an instance where crowley, in his loneliness, sought out a friendship (?) with someone who pondered the universe, who was fascinated and captivated by the stars, as much as crowley did and was?

but everything has its end; da vinci certainly did. so is it around this time that crowley realises that whilst he keeps going, is condemned to eternity, everything else withers and dies, and leaves him as lonely as he was before? is this when he looks to the only being that he knows also has that longevity, a being he has history with and actually may provide true constancy? a being that, for all intents and purposes, never seems to change?

that may well be the case, and to give his reach to aziraphale legitimacy, he comes up with the arrangement. continues through the next few centuries, but didn't bargain for actually falling in a completely different way? and all of it to be swept away as soon as he tries to reach out for the true consistency, an equilibrium, that would possibly allow him to heal that ache in his chest, the loneliness that he's jealously guarded because there was never anything or anyone else who could ever fill it? all swept away with a comment that meant something completely different, but to crowley only put him back exactly where he started?

"nothing lasts forever."

thank you for the unexpected meta prompt, anon!!!✨💕

[sm1l3b0t]

@alex-of-1000-dumbasseries ok well svsss can be somewhat. controversial. so i understand the curiosity. i dislike svsss for multiple reasons the main one being the romance is reaaaaallll fucking weird. when they first meet the protag (shen qingqiu) is in his 20s and the love interest (luo binghe) is arouunnddd 14 if im remembering correctly and also in the protags care. its a teacher/disciple dynamic where the love interest is literally entirely at the protag's mercy and relies on him pretty heavily. and this isn't for like two weeks this lasts a while. which is enough to turn me off of any novel regardless of the fact that nothing overtly romantic or sexual in nature happens until they're both adults for what i feel is very obvious reasons.

that being said i've seen people that that unequal power dynamic is done on purpose and we're meant to question it? specifically because apparently by the end of the novel it's been reversed with luo binghe having more power of shin qingqiu by virtue of being a warlord who could easily kill him. so apparently it's a purposeful aspect of svsss's status as a shitty erotica parody right it's commentary. we're meant to think about whether power dynamics like teacher/disciple or warlord/subject can be reversed, what does it mean to have power over someone like that, how do relationships change and grow over time, etc. frankly i think that is giving this book far too much credit

now keep in mind i only read 30 chapters or so before dropping it but frankly given the way the book seemed to categorize luo binghe's attachment to shen qingqiu as more comedic than anything else i am skeptical that the topic of an incredibly unequal romance would be handled with the proper amount of respect and care. i've read books that explored power dynamics like these before and enjoyed them because they were handled well and explored properly. i don't think svsss would be one of those books not just because from the snippets i've seen its primarily an adventure comedy but also because its bad.

its straight up not enjoyable to read even if you put aside the questionable romance. the action is dull, the dialogue makes me roll my eyes, the jokes aren't funny and the plot doesn't pull me in. the writing itself does not seem of high quality to me which makes sense because apparently mxtx was still a teenager when she wrote it. and i really like her other works i think they're fucking incredible stories and i think you can see some of the beginnings of the stuff i liked about those in svsss but absolutely none of it has come to fruition yet. it reads, to me, like a teenager's novel. it's immature and uninteresting, both in the writing itself and the things it explores.

it's status as a parody of shitty erotica webnovels was what initially drew me in because i thought that sounded interesting. but i think there are parodies out there that explore both svsss's comedic and serious aspects better. i think even if the weird fucking romance isn't enough to turn you off (which i would fundamentally disagree with you on i think its extremely unpleasant) there are just straight up better novels to read. i honestly wouldn't even really think about it if it weren't so popular in orv spaces.

sigh. but obviously a lot of people disagree with me on that one and it is still a very popular webnovel. so i guess its up to you. but that's why i get annoyed whenever i see it on my dash.

do NOT. put svsss on my dash.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[heavenaintaniceplace]

so i found my mother’s copy of the jw (new world translation) bible and i decided to yoink that shit for disposal but not before i realized there is a lot of lines highlighted in the book from when she was being manipulated by the jw lady that convinced her to do “bible study” for years. and what do you know if the lines the lady had my mother highlight weren’t the same lines that jws use to justify their cult beliefs! all the lines are cherry picked, no actual study, just the lady manipulating and priming her to accept their beliefs by presenting so called “biblical proof.” so here is some of the things that stand out before i finally rip this thing to shreds and through it away.

literally the whole book replaces every instance of the tetagrammaton with “jehovah” because they want people to believe its been “removed from the bible thousands of times because they don’t want you to know the true name of god”. the whole thing is translated with an agenda to make them look right and everyone else wrong and to make people believe they have some secret hidden knowledge (they don’t they’re liars). putting this under a read more because its very long.

heavy TW for everything related ro religious trauma, the jehovah’s witnesses, bible passages and christianity. incredibly long post. i plan on burning the jehovah’s witness copy of the bible, no joke.

the imago dei part of genesis to try and convince her that humans were super special to god

genesis chapter 3, the serpent convincing eve to eat the fruit of knowledge so that she would accept their version of the original sin doctrine and that women are cursed

chapter where cain kills abel to convince her that this was the first murder in human history (obviously incorrect)

highlighted the part where god kills everything on earth with a flood to groom her into expecting god to do it again later and seen as fair and just and part where god “gives” noah every living creature (because fuck other organisms apparently)

part of leviticus where (in their version) theyre like “no soul must eat blood” (what the fuck) to justify not allowing life saving blood transfusions

deuteronomy part about “jehovah being one” to justify being non trinitarian (they don’t believe jesus is god or that the holy spirit is god, this is meant to lure people who are already christians away from their denoms and into theirs)

“thou shall not kill” is highlighted for some reason and i don’t know why

highlighted job 1:12 to emphasize that they believe satan is in control of the world because god allows it and job 26:7 that has a note saying “the earth hangs there” when talking about sheol to convince her of where earth is relative to “heaven” and using a bunch of “face of the waters” creationist language to make it vague as possible. job 27:5 to make her believe that “no one is righteous” and that saying so is sinful

part in psalms that assures that “wicked people will be no more if you just wait a little while longer” (this is the apocalypse imminent narrative they use to groom people with fear of dying or leaving but also to get them warmed up to the idea of mass death). “the righteous will inherit the earth and live forever” narrative so they believe that jws will live on earth forever after being resurrected while everyone else (whos not a jw) is killed by god

psalms 91 to drive home the fact that these people think theyre invincible in every meaning of the word, to natural disasters and disease etc

proverbs 6 part about “false witnesses”. jws believe that three jehovah’s witnesses have to be present to verify that a crime (like domestic or sexual abuse) actually happened or the governing body and elders don’t care. literally. the “false witness” narrative is used against survivors and people they want to silence in their organization and emphasizes how much jehovah hates “false witnesses” aka people brave enough to talk and victims

proverbs 12:18 about “wise and unwise tongues”, basically anyone that speaks out against the jws are “unwise” and harmful

proverbs 22 about raising children (”train up a child”, if you don’t know it already this is a child abuser dog whistle) that implies that indoctrination will last until adulthood if done right. this is especially bad because this copy is from the early 2000s when i was in kindergarten. this woman had been lurking on us since i was an infant.

proverbs 27 about how neighbors near is better than brothers far away. the implication here is that fundamentally family who aren’t jws don’t matter

ecclesiates 5. i genuinely think its warning people to not ask too much of god or risk his anger, thats the vibe im getting here because the wording is confusing as fuck

isiah 40:22 trying to hammer in the notion that god is greater than anything especially “worldly” governments (except the governing body ofc /s). isiah 43:10 the “you are my witnesses” to justify the name “jehovah’s witnesses” and shoehorn the idea in

daniel 2:40, the idea of an indescribable kingdom, the whole kingdoms in the “last days” conspiracy they use to convince people the “last days” are coming

matthew 4:8 where jesus is persuaded by satan by offering every kingdom on earth. the point in text is “don’t worship anyone except god” but the point of the jws is that nothing on earth actually matters

matthew 6:9 (nice), the our father, meant to make the reader to ask god to hasten the kingdom of god or as we ex-jws know hasten the apocalypse and the death of people they dont like

matthew 16:24, meant to convince people to leave everything behind and join the jws, “disown yourself” aka “die to yourself” toxic bullshit repackaged

matthew 19:9, to convince people that divorce even in instances of domestic abuse is wrong because the governing body won’t allow it and loves to control women

matthew 24:4-14, “anyone who doesnt speak for the jws is a false prophet” and warms people up to the notion that war is necessary; also that evidence of war is a sign of the “last days” and that this is supposed to be good news. ongoing war and the hope for global genocide is “good news” to them.

matthew 24:21. this one is meant to make people feel the apocalypse could happen at any time and to be afraid of it, a great war is coming and only the “chosen ones” (jehovah’s witnesses) will survive when everyone else dies. there’s a paper bookmark on this page. makes me wonder.

mark 8:34. the “die to yourself” bullshit, the idea that the cross was a “torture stake” because jws believe that wearing crosses is idolatry and they want other people to believe their quirky beliefs so they accept heavier things

matthew 10:28, “anyone who follows jehovah and jesus will literally live forever!” but also that “no one is prepared to leave their family for jesus and thats shameful because you should want to sacrifice your entire family!”

mark 11:24 “anything you pray for earnestly you get”. this is spiritual bypassing btw. and :25 “ask for forgiveness and be automatically forgiven no matter what you did” is also fucked

matthew 15-23: jesus (almost) gets wasted while being crucified etc, not sure why this one is highlighted unless im missing some jw bullshit here

luke 20:27. don’t understand this one but they’re threatening “heavier judgement” on people

john 5:28, promising resurrection through jesus after people die but only for the Good tm people (the jws)

john 6:15. how jesus is about to be arrested but goes to a mountain. dunno why this on is underlined

john 11:24. bringing home the same “jesus will save you from dying if youre a jw” bullshit. john 14:6 “jesus is the ONLY way ever! there can’t be anything else except jesus” indoctrination tailored to make you co-dependent. john 17:3, hook line and sinker of promising resurrection and “eternal life” again

john 17:15. here is the “we aren’t of the World tm” shit meant to make you feel outcast from everyone else who isnt a jw, setting up “the world” (everyone else) as other

acts 15:25. “follow the jw rules because the holy spirit you to”

romans 10:10, spread jw beliefs and witness as much as possible. romans 12:9 “hate everything jehovah hates so you’re not a hypocrite” basically means hate other people the jws don’t approve of

corinthians 6:9 (nice but not so nice this time) “anyone we don’t like won’t inherit the earth” translation: anyone we don’t like won’t survive the apocalypse thats definitely happening soon so always be afraid. “homosexuals” are changed to “men kept for unnatural purposes for this one.” still homophobic.

corinthians 7:6, the idea that everyone has a gift that needs to be exploited and used by the jws

corinthians 15:33. “don’t participate in any activities with any outsiders because it will lead you away from jehovah!! fun is ‘drunkenness’, you’ll loose your resurrection if you do!! non jw people are bad influences!!”

2 corinthians 7:1. your body and flesh is defiled, you need to be cleansed in order to be good

galatians 5:20. “having human emotions is sinful! struggling is sinful! being angry is sinful! having a bad day is sinful!” basically that being human is inherently wrong or something

ephesians  3:14. tries to make people believe everything is owed to god only and that obedience is good so they fall for cult power structures later. 4:28 here is just the top of the page being labeled “new personality” and thats all we need to know about indoctrination and cult personality vs actual personality. also “let not the sun set with you in a provoked state” being used against people still angry about being wronged and hurt by others and its been used against me a lot of times

ephesians 6:4. make sure the jw fathers provide the most discipline to children, literally uses the phrase “mental regulating of jehovah”. it couldn’t be more cult like at this point.

timothy 5:8 makes people believe that men alone are expected to provide and if they don’t they’re worse than “those without faith”. no pressure though!

timothy 6:19. wants people to neglect everything actually happening in favor of the “real life” (”eternal life”) instead and to constantly prepare for that instead of actually living life. dedicate your whole life to jw activities

titus 2. women need to be subjects to their husbands but also homemakers, live to glorify their husband, chaste and definitely not mentally ill or showing any symptoms. what the fuck is titus i never heard of this shit until today.

hebrews 1:7-14, trying to convince people that angels live to serve god but also has some superseccsionist/replacement theology (antisemitism) vibes going on

james 2:23, wants people to believe that god “putting people to the test” is actually a way to become “jehovah’s friend” and that being put to the test (read: suffering) is actually a good thing because it primes them to accept suffering as their fault later on. james 4:7 “everything evil will vanish if you rebuke it long enough!!”

peter 3:9 the “god’s timing is always right” gospel bs and encourages people not to do things themselves but to wait and also that jehovah will be on time when its time to start another global genocide. how encouraging! peter 3:13, the same “end of world near” scare tactic, “new heavens new earth” promise to eradicate everyone the jws dont like as that is jehvoah’s “promise” to the witnesses

1 john 3:8, their version of the original sin doctrine, the devil is the source of all evil scare tactic etc

short detour: every instance of “servant” is replaced with “slave” in this version. it makes me feel ill.

revelations 7:16, wants people to believe that god will take away all their pain and that they won’t need food or water to survive anymore (bullshit). also the jehovah’s witness 144,000 chosen people bullshit is here too but not highlighted

revelations 12:7-13, a depiction fo michael drop kicking satan and the implication that satan has always been in charge and not god because they want people to believe that. also that the devil will fall to earth and try to eat jws

revalations 14-4: virgins get dibs on heaven and god i guess. i dont know what the fuck is going on. 14:6 an angel yelling fear god from above, probably where the jws get most of their apocalyptic imagery from that they use to scare children into believing they could die at any minute

so now that we finally got to the end of that mess, their version of revalations ends with jesus saying “yes, i am coming quickly” and “may the undeserved kindness of jesus christ be with the holy ones.”

joking aside, everything highlighted in this copy of this book has been used against me and my mother for years and is a huge part of the reason i have religious trauma now. everything she was told or encouraged to highlight aided jehovah’s witness indoctrination and propaganda, her own indoctrination and eventually mine which apparently started even earlier than i thought.

[hisoknen]

how would you describe existentialism in your perspective? (Go as brief or deep as u want)

w: religion talks, spirituality and existentialism

whew okok r u ready kids!!! EYEYEYE CAPTIN,, i am not necessarily an existentialist but i think that a lot of the practices and ideas are very profound, interesting and applicable to day to day life without needing to agree with everything involved! also,, a lot of people confuse it with nihilism (the belief that nothing matters) and it gets misunderstood and interpreted because of that.

for me with a background of being raised catholic (obviously this isn't everyones experience i wanna say that quick cause mine was deff a bad time) and forced into a lot of the practices, i always struggled with the idea of religion in my life. thought like my purpose was to serve this unknowing entity because my mom said i'd suffer if i didn't?? thought i had to act in ways that i was told were morally sound because i would be punished otherwise, not just to be like... a decent person if that makes sense? 

there was always something outside of myself that would determine my impact on the world and the purpose i could have in my own life, so learning about existentialism was a breath of fresh air even if to just compare and contrast things and my take away from it in a really condensed way would be:

we are the only ones who give our lives intrinsic purpose and value. when we die we die. we can no longer make an impact on the world. no longer create meaning for our lives. we choose what our values are, they are not given to us by a “god” or by anything outside of ourselves. 

we are fully responsible for the things we do. with awareness, responsibility of self and free will we can essentially create our own meaning and purpose in life. our ability to utilize those things are ultimately what gives our lives fundamental value to an extent? we are autonomous humannnns responsible agents in our lives!

we do not innately possess any inherent values or morals. we're not programed and born with them it is up to us individually to give life meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning we choose and a lot of the time yeah society like impedes on that individualism and can also guide but that's a whole other thing. we exist and create our own meaning through our existence.  

i could go on for longer but like im also tired and probably just reworded the same thing like 5 times but lets go on a date and i’ll dust off old essays anon c:

[lady-plantagenet]

What are your thoughts on Jaime x Cersei, Jaime x Brienne, Tyrion x Tysha, George x Isabel, and Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn? (Sorry for the long list!)

Glad to see someone else feeling charitable and letting me vent my unsolicited opinions 😂. Saved the George x Isabel for the last cause I’m sure it will be the longest lmao!

Asked Via: Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/627331607624302592/send-me-a-ship-and-ill-give-you-my-brutally

Jaime x Cersei: Despite it’s fundamental flaws, it is... titillating to read. The idea of people falling in love with their own other-gender counterpart is twisted yet so intriguing. I must confess that I am not as disgusted by incest as most people, so bear that in mind. The thing is, Cersei is definitely a narcissist with a lot of internalised misogyny and this ship just feels so justified to her character.

The issue is, and as the books go on, it becomes quickly clear that Jaime’s love is not as deep and as his appearance changes, and they no longer look identical Cersei’s own mental image, Cersei’s love also wanes and then you’re hit with how shallow it was. So I ship these two... but I also don’t because they’re toxic? Honestly, book-wise I am intrigued to see what will happen, if they end up together... or they don’t... either way I’m sure it will be quite a ride. You see, I’m not emotionally invested.

Jaime x Brienne: Oh the Sapphires... Obviously anyone who cares for Jaime’s wellbeing would want him to end up with Brienne as opposed to Cersei. I read this interesting theory recently on how these two don’t actually love each other but confuse their strong platonic feelings of affection for romance. You see, that’s also an interesting take as both characters are quite bereft off opposite gender friendships.

However, I strongly ship them romantically as well, Book!Brienne (hey show as well!) is truly admirable because based on her choice in men e.g. Renly, you can see how she had still not given up on her maidenly fantasies and I just love her for that, because true love isn’t something to which only pretty women are entitled. She in many ways represents salvation for him as she being a true knight in spite of her gender, can veer him back into the path of chivalry. He is most chivalrous around her, I mean, not only because her good conduct influences but also because he performs some of the most knightly deeds by cause of her e.g. rescuing her from the bear pit. I like this ship, it’s a good trope subversion.

Tyrion x Tysha: I find this one of the more heartbreaking ships of ASOIAF, because to me it represents Tyrion’s loss of innocence.

She is a haunting figure because of how small remnants of her memory were enough to pull Tyrion into the toxic relationship he had with Shae e.g. she too hard dark hair and there was music around when he met her. Its one of those weird (as @omgellendean put it in her brutally honest ask tag answer - a character who consists of only a name), but unlike Ashara Dayne, she is not idealised and given this over-the-top tragic story. So this elusive Tysha is an entity by what she symbolises: foregone youth and a sweetness that has no place in the ASOIAF universe.

Henry VIII x Anne Boleyn: As I said in my last ask. I cannot tolerate the romanticisation of infidelity, and that is especially when the male’s spouse is a wonderful woman fit for him and has done nothing wrong. I don’t have strong feelings against Anne Boleyn herself, as I prefer to see her as ‘Anne the Educated and Sophisticated Reformer’ as opposed to ‘Anne the Seductress’. Ugh let me just say... rule of thumb for whether it’s a good pair: Do thousands have to die for your selfish desire to be together? Yes? Then probably not meant to be. Just a thought.

I think Anne knew her own mind and I like to think her strong beliefs influenced her decision to breach this marriage (no I didn’t think she was her father’s pawn gah I’m sick of that term), but they were ultimately unsuited in everything and it was a passion brought about by Henry’s caprice. My heart breaks when I think on how Anne could have been happily married to Henry Percy. I’m also tried of this whole ‘master manipulator of men’s hearts’ reputation Anne is getting. You do realise refusing to be a mistress was not being a tease as much as it was just being a conventionally virtuous woman..? The girl knew her worth.

George x Isabel: Oh god. I promise to not start writing an essay. As weird as it is to ship dead people, they are my OTP, the main characters of my main historyfanfic, and frankly the most unsung couple of TWOTR. The fact that there are no records of letters or any particularly over-the-top romantic gestures by either of them, just intrigues me more because it was very much a relationship defined in subtle deeds. If you peruse the more academic TWOTR literature you can see all the fine but conclusive evidences of a devoted relationship: He posthumously enrolled her in a guild when he stayed there with his children (months after she died), he was buried together with her and her ancestors not his, how during 1470 he sent her to Exeter for her safekeeping while her mother and sister remained at Warwick and when a siege broke out he (and his father-in-law) immediately rode south to lift it and the amount of expenses and care he put into her funeral. Not to mention, the hassle it took for them to get married: years of trying to get a dispensation underneath the king’s nose culminating in them having to cross the channel.

The thing is, it had a lot of politics behind it and to be honest I don’t find that less romantic. It was one right for both of them: for the wealthiest heiress in England and the handsome younger brother and heir of King Edward - truly no one else would do for any of them. One of the things that grabs me is the medievalness of it all, how they were bound together by what was essentially a plan to reverse the country’s inevitable transition out of ‘bastard feudalism’. You also get a sense of how this marriage despite the ultimate failure of its purpose (to make George King) brought George the chance to establish himself as a major magnate through his wife’s lands which ultimately became his main source of power as opposed to his royal status. The relative peace that ensued after 1472 shows that his status as Warwick’s political heir (as Christine Carpenter put it) did something to placate the disapointment of not becoming king. So the way I see it, Isabel’s death took from him any of the satisfaction and peace she brought with her lands and persona as he once again reverted to his old (even more than before) reckless self. Not to mention the people he executed after her death in his grief believe in her to have been poisoned (most historians believe that’s unlikely).

Aside from that, in a society where pretty much everyone strayed (even Anthony Woodville had a bastard daughter), it is quite heart-warming how the man known for his treachery, happened to be one of the only ones loyal to his wife: no bastards or women were ever linked to his name not even in rumour. As for Isabel, she is quite a shadowy figure but you get the sense she was intelligent because of the care her father took in preparing her as his heir, because of her wealth you get this sense of majesty and significance about her. The two times we can deduce anything about her personality is a true supporter of her husband: once, when deciding to treat with the Yorks behind her father’s back to reconcile George to them, second, remaining steadfast to George when he tried to squirrel her sister Anne out of her inheritance. Based on the homage she paid to her ancestors, she seems proud of her ancestry so it’s quite intriguing to think why she made the aforementioned two choices, endangering her father and sister in favour of her husband. And oh god I’m rambling, I can say even more if you can believe it but I shall stop. Overall, one might think I’m wishful thinking but frankly Anne and Richard are touted as star-crossed lovers all the time and with even littler evidence to support it (not that I don’t ship them, I do). I might be subjective, but the story of George and Isabel’s life is just so compelling...

[millllennia]

I HAVE FINISHED ACOSF

thank you guys for dealing with my spam live blogging these last few days. the one friend of mine that reads didn’t get her copy until today so i had no one to scream at 

overall, I’m giving this book a 4/5 stars. I was surprised at how much I liked it. I do have some issues with it (and SJM, as per usual) but I am happy that I read it and I’m thrilled to see that she is improving on some things. slowly. not quick enough. 

detailed review below the cut

starting with the things I didn’t like about it because there aren’t very many:

i have my usual qualms with SJM. those haven’t changed. but there wasn’t a “killing calm” and the boob talk was limited to the first half (mostly) of the book which I appreciated. there was still no gays. every single one of the priestesses that got described was described at pale. her diversity isn’t any better and she needs to be aware and listen to her fans. 

I wish we’d gotten more of cassian’s perspective in the first little bit (like first hundred pages). it felt like that dragged a bit, which might have been a style choice because that’s where Nesta was at mentally, but I didn’t love it. 

There wasn’t enough Mor. making a character come out and then promptly sending her off to a foreign land is lazy and pandering. also one of Nesta and Mor’s only interactions being Nesta getting weirdly jealous for no reason was gross and uncalled for and no. if Nesta believed that she didn’t deserve cassian, she should be happy that he has another woman in his arms and punish herself with the image. that’s how that motivation base works. you don’t just get jealous weirdly one time and then never have it come up again. 

I fundamentally do not believe that SJM is going to kill any member of the court permanently, so the whole storyline about Feyre and Rhys and Nxy and everything fell flat. Rhys is SJM’s favourite and Feyre is her self insert and I just don’t think that she’s going to kill them. Not that I want them to die because I don’t (even though I don’t like Feyre, I think she does bring something to the story) but I just wish that I felt the stakes and that SJM would kill some people. 

NOW FOR THE THINGS I DID LIKE BECAUSE I AM SURPRISED THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE

sjm needs to stay in new adult fantasy. her smut is SO MUCH BETTER when she doesn’t need to come up with creative ways to say dick. also she can have actual smut dialogue so it isn’t just hanging dialogue tags without the filthy talk attached that sound awkward and animalistic and it’s just all. so. much. better. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT YOU HAVE NO IDEA

also the smut was good. just generally good. I didn’t feel like there was too much of it. consent was a thing without it being like ‘loOk fOlKs tHiS iS cOnSeNt’ which was better. have I read better fanfic smut? absolutely. but also this is a published book and there are different rules and I overall really liked it. 

the lack of feyre was wonderful (stans don’t come for me). she is a fine character but I don’t think she’s interesting and I don’t like her relationship with Rhys and I think they are kinda boring together (despite the fact that Rhys is fascinating. that’s how boring Feyre is. she sucks the life out of rhys) so I was happy that we had some space from her. also Nesta needed that space and Im happy she was given that. 

im very very happy that it was in third person and not first. that’s purely personal preference but I don’t enjoy first person. maybe that’s part of why I don’t like feyre? idk 

it didn’t feel like fake girl power. as much as i love the tog series, there were a lot of moments that felt like pandering. nothing in here felt like pandering and i really really liked that. the whole blood rite thing was well set up and well executed and it wasn’t just “hey girls are as good as boys!” 

nesta is super interesting. cassian is super interesting. i love a reverse slow burn. their relationship isn’t perfect but it’s good and I genuinely like it. I could have done without the mating bond but it actually had a purpose. it wasn’t just ‘ah they like each other so they are now mates’. like there was plot around it. which we love. that is definitely an improvement.

the little moments we get of azriels inner thoughts (like the thing about his scarred hands while holding the baby) made me HURT A LOT but it was really good and i’m hoping we get another book about him and elain? because the subtext is there. im annoyed that the subtext is there but it’s there. I don’t love the three brothers getting paired up with the three sisters because heteronormativity and i hate predictable relationships. but they do seem like they’d be relatively compatible. maybe. and i’d like to see a relationship that goes against the mating bond 

Emerie is a baby sunshine sweetheart that needs to be protected at all costs and I did not miss her queer subtext and maybe that’ll happen??? i just really hope it isn’t her x Gwyn because that would break up the sisterhood. maybe her x Mor? also GIRL GET YOUR WINGS FIXED YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THE SCARS 

speaking of GWYN IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I CANNOT SAY ENOUGH GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER

eris is everything????? he’s definitely one of the coolest antiheros i’ve read in a long long time. I really wanna know what the real story is with Mor. I hope we get more of him. 

I was very happy that this book didn’t end with another surprise army. she did it twice. twice was too much. she’d better not do that again. but this one was good and I was surprised (which rarely happens with her books) so that was nice. 

i’m glad nesta didn’t win the blood rite. it was so much better to have her stand in the pass. like yes that was such a good plot choice. 

I feel like her actual writing itself has improved. this feels like a stronger book and a stronger story and I am weirdly proud of SJM which I lowkey hate myself for saying but it’s true.

so there we have it, folks. 4/5. not bad.  

[villainever]

Touch Them, Talk to Them: Villaneve & Nuance in Villanelle's Psychopathy (2x07)

okay there is SO much to say about 2x07, but none of you want to read 10k words of analysis, so im going to pick one topic and stick to it (for now). in this post, im going to talk about how this episode is – I believe – a response to: a) villanelle’s season 1 claim that what she wants is, among other things, “someone to watch movies with”, b) eve’s question, “you really don’t feel anything?”, and c) martin’s assertion that to psychopaths, there are only “i / it” relationships. i think aaron is a fantastic opposite/parallel to villanelle, because i believe that a great antagonist doesn’t just provide practical obstacles in the plot-path of the protagonist, but removes obstacles in their character-path. an example of what i meant by this is that in season 1, villanelle killed bill, killed frank, ruined evidence, impeded the investigation, and messed eve around (obstructing her plot-path). but she also drove eve to confront the (sociopathic) personality traits that she’d been repressing, and helped eve find her sense of purpose, confidence and power (smoothing her character-path). in season 2, however, villanelle has been shifted from an ~antagonist~ (ostensibly, as she doesn’t fully conform to this reductive role) to a protagonist, and aaron replaces her as the mysterious Other. just as we had with eve/villanelle, he is both Like and Not-Like villanelle. it’s the likeness that makes him an interesting (and dangerous) opponent for her, but it’s the not-likeness that’s so significant.

in 2x06, villanelle has her iconic “boredom” speech, and monologues about how nothing makes her feel anything. so at the start of 2x07, eve asks her if that’s all true – although it seemed authentic, it’s fair enough of eve to ask, considering how often and easily villanelle lies while playing her characters, and that villanelle prompts her (“you’ll feel better if you talk about it”). villanelle’s reply is that she doesn’t actually KNOW if she’s telling the truth or not. i don’t think she’s deflecting here; she appears subtly, but genuinely, torn. she DOESN’T know. 

she wants to give eve a real answer, but she can’t. this is probably the result of a whole lot of mixed information: she’s obviously been told she’s a psychopath (by lawyers and therapists and fellow prisoners and konstantin, then eve), and she knows she enjoys killing people, controlling them, and she is often bored, too, like she said, but none of those things feels like enough. so she offers eve the most she can give: “i feel things when i’m with you.” and while she definitely means this – we could’ve guessed it, considering the lengths she’ll go to to even end up in the same country as eve – she’s still conflicted.

so then, in the last quarter of 2x07, we get this scene between villanelle and aaron:

he describes them as “voids”, and villanelle doesn’t hesitate before agreeing. she’s a psychopath, right? she must be a void. she’s not “nice and normal”. she doesn’t mind stabbing or suffocating or toying with other people. between her and aaron, there’s this heartbeat of dissonant kinship. she’s already joked that they might be “soulmates”, so here, she’s just chatting with him. she’s certain they’re fundamentally the same, and there’s not much to be learned from this, so she’s mostly humouring him. so she asks something out of mild interest, but she thinks she already knows the answer.

“do you ever get lonely?” villanelle does. she finds being cooped up by herself to be tedious, and uses the time to prepare her next interactions – elaborately faking her death for konstantin; planning new presents or tricks or reminders for eve. importantly, in defiance of the “incapable of ‘i / you’ relationships” idea, she is able to apply this notion of isolation to eve. in 2x06, she tells konstantin she’s texting eve “because [eve] might be lonely”. sure, villanelle primarily wants to know how much of an impact she had by killing someone right in front of eve, but she’s not really lying; she can follow and understand the emotional process of “niko left - today’s been a high-stakes day - eve is alone - eve might want somebody to decompress with”. and she feels compelled to offer eve that, to make things better for her. but:

like i said, villanelle has been trying to reach out on the common ground she percieves them as having. she expects to relate to aaron in every way, because he’s a psychopath, too. except aaron goes on about how he knows so much about people, how he observes them. villanelle often does this as well – stalking eve in clothing stores back in season 1, googling her, watching through her windows, etc. but that’s not even near to enough of eve for villanelle, so her reaction is one of confusion. “you don’t want to talk to them? touch them? sleep with them?" 

"god, no.” aaron’s inflection is almost one of disgust, and definitely one of superiority. it’s like she’s asked him if he’s interested in hanging out with rocks. he can’t imagine having any involvement behind mild amusement at the opportunity to manipulate people, like toys. “do you?” he asks.

“yeah! i do. all the time.” it’s an immediate knee-jerk response, and though it’s soft, it’s emphatic. villanelle doesn’t doubt her answer. as the shot pans out, she gives a slight gasp, and almost smiles (mirroring that slight smile through her sobs in amsterdam). aaron remains impassive.

i believe that this exchange is maybe the MOST important of the episode, second only to eve/villanelle’s semi-sex scene. i also believe that it’s this conversation with aaron that leads villanelle to breaching that last unspoken barrier between her and eve. to be clear, i’m not trying to say villanelle isn’t a psychopath. one revelation does not fifty people un-kill. just a handful of hours before this moment, she murdered gemma with a plastic bag. so i’m not suggesting villanelle is just like any of us. she’s not, eve’s not, and we don’t want them to be. my point is that this moment clarifies a lot for villanelle. she’s been trying to figure out her own capacity for emotion and connection. one thing that she’s considered a fact about herself since before the pilot is that she “wants someone to watch movies with”. she expresses this desire to eve and konstantin with no hesitation; she’s sure, and this becomes a tacit premise in a lot of her reasoning over the whole show. i suspect villanelle doesn’t have any long-term understanding of what that really means, but she wants it anyway. she also plans most of her life around being able to get closer to eve, whether by teasing her or helping her or steering those in eve’s life to create the required conditions for a confrontation.

which is why aaron telling her he has NO need for human contact is such a big deal. because villanelle obviously DOES. she needs it, she wants it, she always has. anna, eve; villanelle develops romances that run deep – even though she’s no longer obsessed with anna by season 1, she still clearly feels a connection to her, and i don’t think she’d have killed her if anna hadn’t killed herself. then there’s konstantin, and she’s a little shit to him, but she definitely missed him, if the way she ran into his arms in 2x03 after being forced to put up with raymond for ten minutes is any indication. villanelle and konstantin have a rapport, and they trust each other (in that they both know each other well enough to guess when they might betray each other, and can account for it accordingly). essentially, until now, villanelle has been running with the equation “aaron = psychopath; me = psychopath; thus, aaron = me”. she’d assumed that part of psychopathy was just the level of human interest she has – which is why she doesn’t have an issue telling eve “like us, you mean”, even though eve has a long-term relationship and friends: that amount of involvement is still realistic for them, right? but aaron doesn’t have this need for people. so now, “aaron =/= me” for villanelle.

crucially, this interaction gives villanelle CONTEXT. rather than dealing in absolutes, she now has a spectrum of psychopathy: “aaron –> me –> eve –> carolyn –> konstantin –> etc.” aaron has inadvertently told her that what she feels is real. maybe she’d almost believed that, seeing as psychopaths can’t feel anything, can only have the “i / it”, that what she experienced was an infatuation or illusion (although this was shaken by eve stabbing her and by crying in amsterdam); but here’s aaron confirming that the idea of fascination with/caring for people has never even occurred to him. and it does NOTHING BUT occur to villanelle. eve runs circles around her head.

let’s look at that in practice. aaron’s most significant relationship is with his sister, who he treats like crap. he’s got her babysat, won’t listen to her opinions (“the grownups are talking, amber”), disrespects a friend she likes, calls her a “thickie”. then villanelle, the closest thing he has to a friend – he watches her without her consent, plays dress-up and stay-still like she’s a doll, tells her what she’s going to do (“spit it out”) and instructs her on how she should feel (“you’ll be bored”). but villanelle? her most important relationship is with eve. and sure, she makes really fucked up choices, but she also makes an effort to consider how eve might feel, what eve might want, what might appeal to her. AND, she’s IMPROVED at that. for example, in 1x03, she kills bill to get eve’s attention, but it’s at the price of hurting her. by 2x07, though, villanelle won’t kill niko. it’s mostly selfish – she doesn’t want eve to be mad at her – but if it were aaron, he’d try and force eve to be un-mad somehow, with money or threats, etc. (not that aaron would bother; he wouldn’t mind if she hated him) villanelle, though, she wants eve to ACTUALLY love her, not to HAVE to love her. villanelle is manipulative, obviously (e.g. telling niko that eve stabbed her to cause a rift between them), but she sees these indirect manipulations as a way to arrange things how she wants (it doesn’t really occur that there might be an alternative), and attempts to course-correct when eve sometimes gets upset. this is huge for villanelle. aaron gives her something NOBODY else can, by being like her, but less like her than she’d believed. the distinction between them might seem minute to viewers who have the full range of emotions/empathy, but for villanelle, that small difference means the world. it means her and eve are REAL, or real enough. martin said, “don’t add, take away”. but aaron proves that that can be true by degrees; villanelle is dotted with minuses, but fewer minuses than aaron. this is set up throughout the episode, kicked off thematically by eve’s question, but compounded by aaron’s consistent use of villanelle like a thing. THIS is an “i / it” dynamic. “stay there, exactly like that”. “wear this”. “these are your clothes now”. “we’re leaving”. “you’ll get ice-cream, and i’ll watch you eat it”. to him, villanelle is a totally disposable puppet. but over and over and over we’ve been shown that this ISN’T how villanelle perceives eve, and that’s definitely cemented in amsterdam, when villanelle breaks down over eve “forgetting” her. 

aaron, like villanelle, has up until this point mistaken them for exactly alike, but they’ve been miscommunicating all along. at lunch, villanelle said, “i dont like rich men” – meaning, i like women, specifically eve, and i have my own resources. aaron counters, “but you like money”. he’s misinterpreted, and thinks villanelle means, like him, that she never wants to have sex or talk with other humans. instead, he concludes that she likes the material object of money, and the subsequent ability to aquire items which might spark some kind of response – and this lines up with villanelle’s later remark about liking to buy and own things, which aaron recognises in himself. they’re replying to each other, but really, they’re having slightly different conversations. so what does this mean, overall? we’ve known forever that villanelle wants eve to be the person she “watches movies with”, but this conversation tells villanelle she could maybe be that person to eve, too. villanelle can “love” in her own unique way, can be present. and because eve’s stepping off the ledge and meeting her in the middle, neither of them will have to be anything other than who they actually are. and they can be who they actually are, together. this analysis got a lot more muddled than i wanted it to, because im a lil wine drunk after haning out with some friends, but i had Thoughts. i have many more Thoughts about the villaneve hookup, hugo, gemma’s death, why aaron is such a creepy villain, carolyn’s plans, etc. but i’ll leave it here for now. i hope this made some sense lmfao.

[trevanent]

i thought it was cool and fun to be amorphous and adaptable but as it turns out all my passion investment personality joy relationships values trust love and innocence has vaporized dissolved diluted dissipated liquified with no mantained documentaion. i never had a reason to exist ofc but now that my will to believe the contrary has eroded im left with a primordial soup of residual components of what i sortof was. maybe somethign can be born out of it again, accidentally giving myself hope there, but im overwhelmed by the belief that ill get worse and worse and more self loathing as adulthood seems to prove itself to manifest in many people. especially worthless sludge like myself, but it doesnt matter. ive already forgot what i was talking about, so that why i say that. i remember now, something about getting better, yeah, i might need to believe it could happen in order for the chance it will happen, but the hard part is my brain tricks itself into believing it isnt convinced nothing will get better, when this is the case. i have an incredible talent for bypassing my own fundamental opinions and judgements, my hopelessness is deeply entrenched, and yet, as is stadnard of a hopeful positive attitude i desparately want to embrace and i try to practice by not totally giving up on life, i ignore the fact that my hearts sunk to just not seeing how i hav eany future in any thing, how i cna possibly be worth nything to anyone. because im extremely unproductive without direct relationships or dependency on others, and have barely anything pertaining to myself i care about. and somehow when i thought i couldnt have been more hollow of a person i find ways to gut myself even more without thinking twice. so basically, once my veneer of cheerfulness and my will to neglect myself to manufacture positive energy i give to others in order to give myself the bare minimum redemption i need to keep myself from being overwhelmed by a sense of obsolescence, i will become exactly that. and ive become so concerned because my energy to interact with anyone or deal with the external world has worn scarce. i dont know what will become of me then. i dont know how to stop this. i really feel like im wilting in the only part of me ive long fundamentally thought was the only part of me that mattered, and now feels like the only part of me that exists. i dont know what to retreat to once that part of me dies, as it seems more bent on doing every day. some people have hobbies they take solace in, but none of anything i could think of doing excites me at all anymore. i feel inept and unsatisfied by everything i do. so so much for whoever or whatever i was. i somehow can see this somehow taking me to a different personhood than i am in now, but i dont quite care right now. ill try my best to survive until maybe i somehow rise from the ashes. anyways sorry to anyone who bothered to read this. i doubt more than 2 people do so, the main purpose of this was for myself anyways. my mind was choking on internal thought processes and only is able to forgive itself for how flawed it is when its on something external which takes actual effort and planning to sort out, so good for me

[pyropsychiccollector]

Fate Zero: Part Two

            To say Erza Scarlet’s time in the modern had been “interesting” would be… a giant understatement. Her short time at the Einzbern castle in Europe, while short, was at least a location and setting she was familiar with; she’d been to a few castles, in her lifetime. It all boiled down to little things, really – the modern ways of preserving and serving food, modern appliances and utilities, and especially modern technology…

            None of it was powered by Magic.

            Now granted, there was nothing wrong with that. It was a sign that times had moved on, and people had managed to find ways of surviving and living without Magic as an everyday commodity. It was like Edolas in a way… only Erza had never expected her world to go the same route that Edolas most likely did. Certainly, without Magic powering weapons, it could be argued that they grew “weaker” in some aspects… But it could be argued that weapons without Magic could be just as effective, if not more dangerous. If one was attuned with Magic, they could detect Magic-powered weapons with some training; it was harder to see them coming from the shadows without Magic.

            … And she supposed that was what most concerned her about Kiritsugu. He was an assassin. A fighter. He wasn’t going to play the typical “support” role that most Masters adopted in Grail Wars. As much as she would like to believe that she could and would receive help from his quarter, it wasn’t going to be in the way that she would have preferred… He was having Irisveil play as a figurehead for that role, to fool the other Masters. That meant she would need to devote all her energy to protecting Irisveil… and not Kiritsugu, who would mark her end in this war if he acted too rashly and got himself killed.

            That wasn’t even getting into what he would be trying to get into with the other Masters and Servants… Erza could only hope that, somewhere in the deepest vestiges of Kiritsugu’s seemingly empty heart, he would show mercy to the opponents that deserved it. Though Grail Wars were inevitably bloody and merciless… Erza really was holding out hope, even for enemy Masters who may not deserve her sympathy. The Grail could have chosen anyone, and they may have an equally noble wish for the Grail; there was no need to slaughter such people, at least in her mind.

            … It really made her think of and yearn for the “simpler” days she had in life… When everyday was just going to be another adventure, and not one that would possibly lead to cruelty and bloodshed.

            ~*~

            “Tokiomi.”

            The aforementioned mage looked up from the report he was writing and bowed respectfully.

            “Ah… Master Hades. Is there something I can do for you?”

            Archer crossed his arms as he stared at Tokiomi critically.

            “I have heard many reports about the Masters and Servants by now, from both you and Assassin… I have heard your assessments, the key locations where the Grail may be formed, and I have even heard your understanding of what the other Masters desire of the Grail. What I have not yet heard is your own wish – what you would ask of the Grail, should I allow you to touch it after claiming victory over the other Servants… Tell me. What is your goal?”

            Tokiomi rose up from his bow and returned Archer’s gaze, meeting his eye.

            “It’s simple in concept… For generations, the Tohsaka family has attempted to reach what is called the Root. It does not exist in this world, but outside of it – that is why, if I can claim the Grail, I can say with certainty that I have no “wish” to ask of it because what I truly desire… is the portal that it will create, once the Grail is completely formed.”

            Archer stroked his beard curiously.

            “The Root…? And what, pray tell, is that?”

            Tokiomi’s eyebrows rose in surprise as he rose up from his bow.

            “I am surprised you haven’t heard of it. In your legend, it is said that you once sought what you called the ‘primordial Magic’. To put it simply, the Root is a very similar concept; it holds all knowledge, and should one be able to reach the Root and understand it, will be essentially granted the power of a god! It has been the Tohsaka family’s noble goal to reach the Root and understand everything… This once held true for the other families the Tohsakas once aligned themselves with, but unfortunately, they have fallen from grace and chosen to pursue their dreams in this world, instead.”

            While Tokiomi provided his explanation of both the Grail War and the Root, Hades listened attentively and curiously. Considering his own goals, the former leader of the Balam Alliance had to admit – being partnered with Tokiomi was quite the fortuitous occurrence. With any other Master, he might’ve contemplated what to do in the event that his Master was either incompetent or had an atrociously shortsighted goal… But Tokiomi was neither. He gathered intelligence. Made plans. And his dream was something that Hades found he could truly appreciate – regardless of the fact if the Grand Magic World and this “Root” were different entities, the fact remained they were fundamentally the same dream. Both of them sought for ancient Magic beyond the material world, unparalleled power that was just waiting to be wielded…

            In a word: Tokiomi Tohsaka was the perfect Master. His ideal partner in this game of “heroes” battling for their sole wish to be granted.

            “Tokiomi Tohsaka.” Hades began authoritatively, once the magus had completed his explanation in full. His respect for Tokiomi grew as the man only mildly tensed under the heavy, imposing atmosphere that came with his presence. “Up until now, I had no plans to guarantee my loyalty towards you. We ‘Servants’ are often seen as disposable pawns used for the sole purpose of acquiring a cup that grants wishes… But you alone have exceeded my expectations from what to expect of the mages in this modern era. You shall have the chance to attain your family’s long-held dream – no one else shall lay a finger on the Holy Grail.”

            In response, Tokiomi could only bow deeply once more.

            “Many thanks, Master Hades…”

            ~*~

            Kariya had to admit, he felt a little strange, sitting in the park in the middle of the day. Around this time had things gone to “plan”, he probably should have been skulking about in back alleys, getting what rest he could for the eventful nighttime to come. Zouken would be watching him from the shadows, and he would be puking his guts out because of the worms inside of him.

            … But it had all been derailed. Derailed by the same wild, raggedy man that was currently pushing Sakura on the swing set like a caring father, a carefree grin on his face as she laughed in enjoyment for what must have been the first time in a long while. Just by looking at him, you would think the man wasn’t capable of wanton destruction and violence; that he wasn’t summoned with the intention of lacking a soul.

            Yet Kariya knew different. And it wasn’t just the fact that Berserker had burned down the Matou manor and wiped out Zouken and the Crest Worms in his and Sakura’s bodies… He’d gotten confirmation from Natsu himself, back on that first night after putting Sakura to bed.

            “I definitely have that ‘insanity’ enchantment placed on me. It felt so right to burn it all down… But the fact you’re my Master, and she’s an innocent kid, that’s the only thing stopping me from going on a rampage right now.”

            Natsu would be fighting. It was an inescapable fact. Kariya felt guilt over it, of course; he’d cooperated with that slimy bastard Zouken to make it happen. But Natsu told him not to worry about it – that he was used to fighting to get what he wanted, to protect those close to him. And if you believed the legends surrounding him, Kariya knew this to be very true. Natsu was not a calm, peaceful individual.

            … And yet he was great with kids, apparently. Kariya was grateful that Natsu and Sakura got along so well. Sakura deserved this reprieve, after all the hellish ordeals she had gone through because of that stuck-up bastard Tokiomi giving her away to the Matous…

            Kariya clenched his hands into fists on his lap, staring down at them. It was true that Sakura was now safe, and so he didn’t have much of a ‘reason to fight’ in the Grail War… He was perfectly capable of “wasting” the Command Seals and letting Berserker fade away, getting as far away from this Grail War as much as possible…

            “Oh yeah! I don’t mind helpin’ ya get revenge on a rotten father like that! We’ll get ‘im.”

            He’d be lying, though, if he said he wasn’t looking forward to the night’s ‘festivities’…

            ~*~

            Slowly, Kirei began to pace the small room he was in, hands clasped behind his back.

            “So, Assassin… I am sure you have had ample time to observe a few Masters and Servants by now. Tell me, what were you able to find out?”

            Over by the wall, in a dark corner of the room, Cobra cracked his one good eye open.

            “The Tokiomi guy and Archer piss me off… But, you’re probably tired of hearing me harp on about that, so… I know Rider has a kid Master. The way I understood it, the kid stole the artifact that summoned him from one of the other Masters coming, that El-Melloi guy… The kid’s a novice, no serious threat. Though Rider, who I know is Gajeel Redfox, is definitely going to be troublesome; I don’t know what it is, but he’s got his hands on something really powerful, and we’re going to need to uncover what that is.

            Cobra turned his head up towards the ceiling.

            “Then you’ve got Caster, who I was finally able to track down… I didn’t know him personally in life, but he’s a guy called Neinhart. Ditto on needing to find out what he can do, though… I don’t know if he can still do it, but I heard he was able to summon up the memories of dead people while he was still alive. That could be troublesome for us.”

            “Anything on Caster’s Master?” Kirei stopped him there.

            “Total whackjob. Serial killer, from what I gather. Nothing you or Tokiomi can’t handle, though.” Cobra grimaced upon remembering the third Servant he’d dug up information on. “… And then you got Berserker.”

            Kirei hummed thoughtfully as he remembered Tokiomi’s intelligence reports.

            “Would Berserker’s Master be Kiritsugu Emiya, or would he be Kariya Matou?”

            “Matou.” Cobra replied dully. “And before you ask – no, he’s not going to be a pushover anymore. Berserker cured his Master of those… worms… and burned down Matou manor. We’re going to need to be careful when going up against them.”

            “How so?” Kirei asked curiously.

            “Bererker’s identity is Natsu Dragneel. I don’t know who thought to summon and assign that guy the Berserker Class…But he just might give Archer a run for his money. Biggest reserves of Mana that I’ve seen yet, and he’s clearly hiding secrets. If I had to choose any of the Servants that we know about and treat them with utmost caution, it’d be him. Rider and Caster don’t give me nearly as many bad vibes as Berserker does… And Archer, he’s powerful, but I can’t even begin to imagine what Dragneel’s Noble Phantasm is going to end up being. It just might be enough to take Archer down, depending on what it is.”

            Kirei hummed thoughtfully again.

            “How very… informative. Natsu Dragneel…” Kirei trailed off, recalling the legends surrounding the Dragon Slayer – they were very well-known. The priest cleared his throat after spending time lost in thought. “Obviously, we have yet to deduce the identities of Lancer and Saber, but we have a firm grasp on all the Masters now. Good work.”

            Cobra rolled his eye.

            “Yeah, sure, two expert mages, a priest, a kid, a serial killer, a guy that used to be on the verge of keeling over, and a Magus Killer. Just one big happy family…” Cobra grumbled as Kirei dismissed him for the time being. He still wasn’t happy about being in an alliance with Archer, but it was out of his hands.

            “Kiritsugu Emiya… when shall you arrive…?” Kirei pondered to himself, once he was left alone.

            Emiya really was the one Master that he was curious about most of all. Kirei believed if he could understand the Magus Killer… he could understand what it was that he himself was seeking in this war.

            ~*~

            That night…

            “RIIIDERRR!!!” Waver yelled at the top of his lungs as he clung to one of the metal arches on the bridge they were on top of. “Get me down from here…! Right now! Take me down!!!”

            Gajeel simply rolled his eyes as he calmly sat cross-legged, looking out across the water and at the city of Fuyuki.

            “You kiddin’ me? This is a perfect vantage point to survey the land!” He made a wide sweeping gesture at the city skyline.

            “I’m leaving!” Waver continued to whine pitifully. “N-No way! T-Take me down! I can’t handle this!”

            Gajeel scoffed, unimpressed.

            “Calm down already… Waiting is a huge part of war!”

            “I wanna go… I wanna go back to England!”

            “I told ya not to be in such a damn rush…” Rider grinned and looked over toward the docks. “Ya see? Things are finally startin’ to heat up around here!”

            Rider belted out a laugh and widened his grin, turning his full attention to the battle that would soon be unfolding. Waver just looked on in bewilderment.

            “Gihihi… This is gonna be a lotta fun…!”

            ~*~

            Erza had immediately picked up on the Servant who was sending out a challenge for the others… He was doing it obnoxiously, making his pulses of Mana almost impossible to ignore. But even so, Erza responded to the challenge with gusto – Irisveil by her side. If it was a fight that this Servant wanted, he was going to get a war. She did not intend to let him escape.

            “Well, damn…” The masculine voice muttered as the man stepped out from out of the shadows, once Erza and Irisveil had arrived. He carried a single long spear along with him as he watched Erza with shrewd eyes. “Of all the Servants that could’ve been summoned, it had to be you… I knew this wasn’t gonna be a cakewalk.”

            Despite the circumstances, Erza found herself smirking.

            “You’re Lancer? I suppose that kind of fits you. I take it that’s the ‘spear of Gungnir’?”

            Lancer clicked his tongue and twirled the spear casually, holding it out horizontally.

            “I can make a bigger ice version of this easily… but I guess that’d break too often. At least this one’s got some tricks…” He did a more stylish twirl of the spear as he performed a light spin on his feet, ending his movement by pointing the spear at Erza. “I take it you got your armory of swords to back you up?”

            In response, Erza Requipped into her Heaven’s Wheel Armor, never once dropping her smirk. Lancer rolled his eyes.

            “Of course… Taking ‘Master of the Sword’ to a whole new level… I just can’t catch a break.”

            Erza quirked an eyebrow good-naturedly.

            “Surely you’re not going to just give up? What would Natsu say?”

            Lancer scoffed.

            “He’d call me ‘Popsicle’, kick my ass, and then probably screw you seven ways to Sunday… And don’t pretend he wouldn’t do the last one. You two were never subtle.” He dryly remarked, smirking as he got Erza’s cheeks to light up. “If my first enemy’s gotta be you, so be it! I got a new Master, and I’m not gonna fail him. I’m stakin’ my honor on this… whatever honor I got left, anyway.”

            Erza’s face fell at that.

            “Gray…”

            Lancer just pointed at her forcefully.

            “None o’ that. You’re gonna come at me with everything you got, or you’re gonna have to tell Natsu you took it easy on me! Which is it gonna be?”

            Erza quietly brandished a sword, pointing it at Lancer.

            “… Fine. From one proud Fairy Tail mage to another, I will take this fight seriously.”

            “That’s the only way to be.” Lancer grunted in acknowledgement, and they began their duel in earnest.

            “Be careful, Saber…!” Iri warned the redhead. “If you get wounded, I shall heal you!”

            “Much appreciated, Irisveil…” Erza smirked again, clashing blade against spear. “… But I doubt this little boy will do more than prick me on his icepick…”

            Lancer narrowed his eyes at the jab, reminded of the moniker Natsu had bestowed on him.

            “I’m not standin’ for that… I will gut you…” He growled as the scarlet knight chuckled and danced around his attacks with ease.

            On the sidelines, skulking in the darkness, Kiritsugu and his accomplice, Maiya, were surveying the battlefield.

            “Maiya… have you pinpointed Lancer’s Master yet?”

            His radio crackled back in response.

            “No… Not yet.”

            Kiritsugu peered through his sniper’s scope as he looked around. It was easy to distinguish the Servants and Irisveil, out in the open. Looking upward, at the roof of a warehouse, he spotted another figure looking down at the duel with scorn.

            “… I’ve got a visual. Roof of the warehouse on the north end.”

            The radio crackled again when Maiya managed to respond.

            “I don’t see him…? Should I get closer and take the shot?”

            Kiritsugu panned his vision before coming to stop on another figure, perched on a nearby crane.

            “No. It looks like Assassin is here, too. If you make a move, he’s going to know.”

            “What should we do?” The radio crackled yet again.

            Kiritsugu paused and thought for a good long while. They would need to execute this very cautiously… especially since Assassin’s Master could be here, too. Up on the crane, Cobra scoffed, having been listening to everything on the battlefield.

            “Stinkin’ rats… Saber and Lancer are gonna be pissed about their tactics.” He rolled his eye as he kept it trained on the duel between Servants. At least Kirei didn’t have him doing something mundane like taking out that ‘Magus Killer’… yet.

            Eventually, everyone was pulled from their musings and observations when Rider made his descent on the battlefield – Waver slung under his arm, and Panther Lily flying them both into the fray.

            “Alright…! I can’t just sit back and watch this anymore! I’m gonna fight both you knuckleheads!!!”

            “Gajeel…?” Erza and Gray echoed together, pausing in their clash as they perceived Rider landing in a crouch.

            Their attention shifted once more as yet another Servant materialized on top of a light pole, his arms crossed.

            “I never would have imagined running into so many familiar faces… But, if Fate guides us all in this grizzly war… Then I shall take great pleasure… in treading over your corpses!”

            “Hades?!” Gray exclaimed, eyes wide in shock. Erza’s mouth was agape, too.

            “I can’t believe you were summoned…”

            Gajeel, still in his crouched position, narrowed his eyes at the fourth Servant to appear. He knew others were watching, but he figured he himself was going to be the only other one to stick his nose in this…

            From the shadows, leaning against a wall with his hood up, Kariya Matou gave a mischievous smirk.

            “Kill them all…”

            The next thing everybody knew, there was a sea of flames that erupted on the battlefield before a new figure emerged from them, giving a monstrous roar as he brushed his cloak aside, revealing two heavily bandaged arms.

            Needless to say, each one of the Servants recognized the new arrival.

            “N… Natsu…!?” Erza whispered, taken the most aback by the Dragon Slayer’s participation in the Grail War. Close by, Gray gritted his teeth and clutched his spear tighter.

            “Of all the friggin’ Classes… they had to give that guy the Berserker Class…!?”

            Gajeel wrinkled his nose at how acrid the flames smelt.

            “This is gonna be a pain in the ass…”

            Hades snorted in contempt, from atop the light pole.

            “Natsu Dragneel… Even with your participation, this will be but a…” Hades trailed off as all of the Servants and Masters stared at the collection of fireballs that Natsu willed into existence behind him; for now, it was a handful, but Natsu was currently aiming his snarl at Hades. “You dare bare you fangs at me, boy? You will not live through tonight, should you go through with this.”

            In response, a single fireball was shot at Hades… one that was easily dodged by leaping high into the air, but still ended up smashing through the light pole and melting it into nothingness. Hades landed on the ground gracefully with his cowl flapping. He was unintimidated by the warning shot.

            “Very well! Nothing shall remain of your corpse!” Hades declared boldly, holding up two fingers in the form of a gun, charging Mana into his fingertips. Berserker just stood there, equally unmoved, and still willing a number of hovering fireballs behind him to stay in place.

            Gajeel, Gray, and Erza looked on, still frozen in place. Erza couldn’t take her eyes off of the Dragon Slayer that was radiating so much madness and bloodlust… it didn’t suit him. Not at all.

            Up on the crane, away from the other Servants Cobra sighed as he prepared to get comfortable.

            “Here we go…”

            Six Servants, present at the very first battlefield. It was one hell of a way to kickstart the Fourth Holy Grail War…

[aphrodicted]

Helloo :) could I please get a reading on messages my spirit guides might be trying to communicate to me? Also maybe on how I can better communicate with them? Im a cap sun, pisces moon and libra rising btw :) -Em

Hello, baby. How are you? Yay! I’m a cap sun too! I used Rider White and Oracle of Gaia for you!!

A message from your guides: Seven of Cups, Princess of Cups, Six of Pentacles, The Emperor (reversed), The Death, Seven of Wands.

There are several messages that your guides want to share with you. Everyone has a relationship with love and opportunities, but I think I should explain them to you from the different perspectives that are presented to me.

First, your guides ask you to accept the offers of love that are appearing in your life. Both in your nearest present and in the future, love offers will begin to come into your life and you must be willing to accept them. At least, ask your guides, listen to what people want to share with you. It doesn’t have to be just offers of romantic love, but any offer of love made by a friend, a family member, a co-worker or studies… The guides ask you to be generous with those around you. Generosity is not only giving to others, but also being generous to receive and let people surprise us. Open yourself up to opportunities and don’t let yourself close or that negativity absorbs you completely. Let yourself be pampered by those around you: listen to what they have to tell you and how they declare your love for you. Finally, your guides warn you that there may be someone very interested in you. That’s why your guides ask you to be generous and listen to what all those around you want to communicate to you.

On the other hand, your guides tell you to launch everything you want in your love life. If you’re interested in someone, your guides encourage you to try to approach them. Don’t be afraid, since your reading is full of feelings. Therefore, if you have someone in mind: your guides tell you that it’s time to express your feelings.

Also, a tip from your guides: you must work your self-esteem. There’s a great disharmony in some aspect of your life that must be solved. Seeing your reading, I understand that it can be related to relationships and love. It’s essential to solve this unstable situation, as it could start to cause problems for your future. I feel you a little closed in yourself or, at least, that may begin to happen in the near future. You must stop any negative thoughts that fill your mind or control your attitudes and actions. Negativity doesn’t have to dictate which path you should choose in your life. Things are more positive than you think, so I ask you to do a reset and start taking care of yourself as you should. It may be hard for you to believe that opportunities to meet people will come to your life, but opportunities are waiting for you to let them in to surprise you.

Your guides warn you that there will be unstable situations that you must face. These situations will be caused by you or external factors that are in your life. Generosity, as I mentioned before, will play a fundamental role in preventing this instability. Therefore, don’t forget the word generosity! It’s something that your guides repeat a lot during your reading. You must be generous with those around you and, especially, with yourself: let others take care of you and, most importantly, allow yourself to take care of yourself. Take a moment every day and do what you enjoy, meditate, walk through the park… This way you can get to know yourself more deeply and start loving yourself in the right way.

How can you improve your communication with them? Knight of Swords, Nine of Pentacles (reversed), The Chariot, The Empress. 

Abundance will not always be on your side, and right now it isn’t when you communicate with your guides. You might not be doing it correctly. If you’re trying a specific method, your guides ask you to try other ways to talk to them. However, I think it’s your way of addressing them what you’re doing incorrectly. You shouldn’t speak from negativity or necessity, but from humility and practice detachment. The need, the feeling of emptiness or insecurity aren’t good drivers to get in touch with them.

On the other hand, your guides ask you to communicate more clearly with them. They aren’t able to fully understand you: clear and direct communication will be the best. Don’t be afraid to talk to them, but do so simply and directly. Also, your guides ask for action. They cannot manifest what you ask if you don’t act in sync with them. Things don’t appear out of nowhere if we don’t act in line with them. Do you want to get your wishes? Ask for light to get them, but keep fighting for them actively. Your guides need you to take an active position and move towards everything you want. Don’t stagnate, but act cautiously and on firm ground. Don’t expect others to make the necessary changes, or wait uselessly for the changes to happen on their own: do something to get them going.

Pay attention and identify your selfish, dominant, controlling or possessive behaviors. When you exercise your roles in an extremist way: either you think too much about your interests and neglect those who depend on you. The means of avoiding it’s the practice of respecting the other and contacting unconditional love in you.

An advice for you: Yin-Yang: Creating harmony through balance.

At this moment there’s disharmony in some area of ​​your life because you don’t accept certain aspects of your personality. Nothing is wrong with you. Every feature or quality you have serves a very valuable purpose. In addition, whatever trait or quality you create you really need it. Make a list of everything you don’t like about yourself; then think about how each of these traits serves you and others in some way. Then, make another list of everything you like about yourself. It’s natural that you think that your positive qualities undoubtedly serve you and others; however, for every positive quality you perceive there’s a negative. Now think about the negative aspects of the positive qualities they perceive. This process takes a little time, and requires you to open your mind and your heart. It’s an exercise that is definitely worth it, since in the end you will see that nothing is really good or bad. Everything serves you and others. Having, accepting and loving what is there, without wanting to change it, you’ll experience a happier, healthier and more harmonious life.

I love and accept everything that I am. There is nothing to change, there is only love. Every feature I possess serves me and others in some way. Loving what I have, I create health, wealth and harmony. Everything I accept and love becomes a greater love.

Good luck, Em!

[dalishious]

(Replying to this post)

@gangsterofoz I’m... not really sure... where to begin... I suppose by just saying I’m kind of stunned you wrote all this in response to me point out Cassandra was wrong about something and the writers’ reasons are ridiculously transparent?

Well it makes sense that Cass would try really hard to convince herself of the Chantry’s justified actions - it’s not that she’s purposely trying to condemn the elves, she just does not want to see the evils and mistakes of an institution she has pretty much built her adult life on. A life that allowed her to follow a path she felt was befitting of her skills and soul. And like many people with religion, they cannot seperate the institutional failures and serious misconducts from the faith.

I absolutely agree it is in character for Cassandra to be ignorant about this, given other things she has said expressing refusal to acknowledge elven point of views. But it’s not a good quality for her to have. And as @faerunner already said, the big problem isn’t that Cassandra has this point of view, it’s that this is the only point of view we hear. Dorian shares it too. But here is no argument. We’re just supposed to accept this comment, despite as I pointed out in that post, it is inaccurate.

Religions by their nature need to be deontological - meaning it can’t have flaws and inconsistencies. It needs to be by its nature always ‘true’ to its core messages and therefore exists philosophically in the realm of black in white. When in reality, it’s in the moral grey area as much as everything else. The people within it can be flawed, as Cass we know really prefers focusing on, but she manages to largely not see (at least historical actions not really the more recent ones) as the failures of people - individuals - not her faith, not the group. Which is fundamentally just inaccurate as no one can commit genocide or invasion without the willing consent and support of the group as a majority. Im so glad you pointed this out - it’s just more credit to brilliant character construction and intimate understanding of how people justify religious evils.

Hey maybe don’t paint every single belief system with the same Christian/Catholic brush because that’s not true?

I would argue that Cassandra is almost equally bad at recognizing the failures of people in recent times as well. 

It’s really like they researched the morality, psychology of Crusaders or Renaissance religious figures who maintained justification of the Crusades. I love Cass but she like everyone in the games (and like all brilliant series that study the flaws of politics and religions like Game of Thrones) is seriously flawed. Cass is not evil, she’s just reacting to an inherited childhood situation, she’s doing what she needs to to feel safe and valid.

LOL I think you are giving BioWare way to much credit, but yes, a comparison between Exalted Marches and the Crusades can definitely be made. It’s just a shame that, as the whole point of that post, they didn’t spend just as much time on how the victims felt.

Like Dorian and Varric opposing consistently undermine the traditionalism and omnipotence of institutions in an attempt to be independent from them and therefore safe because hierarchies and institutions have so consistently not only failed but seriously harmed them on such an intimate level (the Dwarven caste system/way of life and Tevinter as a society). Varric and Dorian still find admiration or use for aspects of their childhood societies but it’s their flaws that have made them view those institutions the way they do in the time of Inquisition.

You are comparing Dorian opposing tyranny to Cassandra defending it?

It’s so clever - because we don’t judge these figures as historical persons through a lens of fact but we get to know them so intimately. They become real persons for whom we see our actions make consequences directly. It puts us in the position of leaders of Catholicism during the Crusades - it perhaps says, “It is more difficult to condemn people you’ve come to know because they are real and thus it makes taking moral action much more difficult.”

HOLY FUCK.

No. No, I absolutely judge through facts, and you know, general morality. No, it absolutely does not make it more difficult to condemn a character saying something wrong when they are in fact, 100% wrong. 

It’s like when Tyrion kills Tywin - he basically plunges the entire political system of a really powerful nation/continent into chaos - like fuck you now everything’s going to go to shit and the White Walkers are going to so easily come and kill everybody ! But man who didn’t want Tyrion to kill to Tywin? We were all on his side when that happened. But through a historical lens, the boy did some serious damage to the citizens of the country. Not that Tywin was a brilliant moral leader but one could argue at least the country wasn’t plunged into political factionalism and thus unable to successfully defend itself against the ice boys.

I have no idea what you’re talking about because I stopped watching Game of Thrones after dragging myself through the second season; I found the story interesting enough, but the copious amount of gratuitous sex and also general shitty treatment of the few characters of colour and female characters was too much to continue. But I’m gonna go on a limb and guess this has nothing to do with anything in the post I made.

So yes Cass is super wrong but it also is 100% how she would manipulate herself to see that slice of history. I mean - how scary is that that a leader has that view sitting on the Sunburst Throne (if you pop her there)? You say, “well she’s got all these great qualities etc.” but then what are the ramifications of putting someone with some form of internalised racism in a position of power?

Oh gee, what a high-fantasy thought-provoking question that is. A person who gives zero shits about the people who’s land they settled on and now rule over. I wonder what the ramifications would be. It is so hard to wonder. I just don’t know. //Sarcasm

What if she in some years starts another Exalted March? Historically, we’d look at the Inquisitor and go, “What were you thinking!?”

Yeah I sure fucking would especially because my Inquisitor would never do that to her people.

But history doesn’t happen historically. People are biased and function through personal relationships, moving through the world within the framework of those dynamics. The moral of this section of the games is, you’re going to need to make decisions that will shape the world but you will struggle to make them unbiasedly. And the consequences of that can be cataclysmic. Anyway lol unintentional essay

This might be news to you, but sometimes making decisions using bias can be a good thing. It’s called having a moral conscious. So yes, as I have said a few times now, I will absolutely judge Cassandra for lacking one in this scene. And general history knowledge.

Anyway, this whole unintentional essay was almost entirely irrelevant to the point of my post, but whatever. Glad we could clear up that what Cassandra said here is a bad thing and bad things should be recognized as bad things, not unquestioned qualities.

[defenestrata]

HYEONJIN + ALL GOTTA STAN THE ISFP

realm knows my weak spot !!! hyeonjin is my baby boy, my sun, my stars and i will rant about him forever —

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

probably years. he’s good at observing his surroundings and also slipping into quiet existential thoughts so you could probably forget him in a store and come back two hours later to him staring blankly at a mannequin. 

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

maybe a 7 on the scale of 1 to 10. he’s trained to not be too rambunctious when he laughs, but giggles and chuckles are easy to get out of him.  

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

is there something fundamentally wrong with my ocs if the two that have been asked about both need drugs. i hate. hyeonjin takes an anti-epilepsy drug that he’s addicted to to deal with anxiety attacks. the time of contemplation before sleeping is prime time for intrusive thoughts. so he has to take a dose. 

How easy is it to earn their trust?

easier than a normal person. it comes to a point in his life that anyone who’s even remotely nice to him is considered a friend, and anyone who does him favours is deemed trustworthy. he’s a sensitive kid.

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

hyeonjin is as quick to cut people off as he is to take them in. even the smallest act of betrayal will lead to hyeonjin ignoring you for the rest of your life. he’s hyper guarded and hyper open at the same time, it’s hard to explain. 

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

laws are very flexible in his opinion. the law is usually made by people who are somewhat out of touch with reality. if a law doesn’t help people, or serve any other benevolent purpose, it’s not worth following. 

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

nostalgia isn’t very easy to trigger for him. his childhood was full of love and affection but also without any very clearly unique incidents. it felt like a movie character’s childhood. disneyland, trips to the beach, school days. nothing very standout. meeting his mother alone would be enough to make him remember the old days ( his parents are divorced btw ) but then it becomes a very, very painful feeling.  

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

oh god, what wasn’t he told to stop/start doing. being a child actor for a short while, and then constantly in the public eye because his father is a well-known and politically involved businessman and his best friend is instagram-famous — he always had to be conscious of whether he was slouching, how eloquently he spoke, being careful not to look disinterested and so on. so his childhood was pretty regimented.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

he tries not to, to be polite, but the habit is steadily growing on him. his first swear word was probably said when he was fourteen or something and even then it was probably something pretty inoffensive like 제기랄 ( equivalent of bullshit ). 

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

oh. well, he’s been hiding a drug habit from his father since forever. it makes him feel really, really guilty, but he tries to justify it to himself by saying that the calmness that the drug gives him actually helps him fulfill his father’s expectations better. it’s still a weight on his psyche and he hates himself more for it. 

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

unfortunately, hyeonjin will only seek clarification if the person is close to them. otherwise that kind of admission of ignorance … yikes emoji.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

suffer. 

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

he doesn’t really know anything about fashion, and depends almost entirely on a team of stylists, his housekeeper and his best friend to dress. so he doesn’t really know what he looks best in. outsiders will have you know that he looks best in red. 

What animal do they fear most?

hyeonjin is not a fan of snakes, which begs the question: how did he become one later ?

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

if talking to heather ( a friend :) ), jiwon ( his best friend ) or sungmi ( his housekeeper / older sister figure ), he won’t think at all before talking. otherwise, he’s rehearsing every goddamn syllable in his head like three times.

What makes their stomach turn?

blood. mostly blood. people yelling at him. the thought of the people he loves being unhappy. people relying on him. being some kind of hero. 

Are they easily embarrassed?

yes. thankfully, the people closest to him have learned to veer around his insecurities.

What embarrasses them?

positive reinforcement. praise, compliments, telling him to get out of his head and be happier, anything that makes him feel a little less dead inside makes him all blush emoji and flustered. 

What is their favorite number?

5. it’s a nice, pleasant, round number. 

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

familial love in his opinion is a much more jaded kind of platonic love: “i love you but you exhaust me — and there’s this quiet understanding that we’ll have to come apart.” platonic love is purer, teetering on the edge of irrationality but not there yet, a little restrained, never complete. and romantic love is complete. everything the person does is beautiful, nto categorised into good or bad. they become a part of you. 

Why do they get up in the morning?

he’d rather not. but people love him. and (later on) people need him. 

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

positive emotions manifest with more intensity in hyeonjin and so do negative emotions. it takes a bit to get him jealous but once he is, he can become pretty toxic and petty towards the person encroaching. this is almost entirely about his crush, though. he has nothing else to be jealous about. 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

envious hyeonjin means a very repressed hyeonjin who will avoid the source of envy to the maximum possible extent and become distant.  

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

noooo. he was raised in a pretty conservative setting. sex and sex appeal makes him flustered to talk about. the most he’ll do is entertain jiwon’s rants about people finding him sexy, and even that with a bit of internal cringing. 

What are their thoughts on marriage?

hyeonjin in a michael scott vc: marriage sounds nice. would love to be loved someday. jskjds but in all serious the idea of marriage is so lovely he’d love to be married but who’d marry him haha

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

limousine. sorry. he’s rich, and it’s comfortable. 

What causes them to feel dread?

oh, loads of things. on especially shitty days, talking to any people. public speaking, being put on the spot, being on camera. anything that requires him to actually be active and do something. depression is a bitch, huh. 

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

depends on the context. if the unpleasant truth was unlikely to be uncovered later, then fine. if someone lives and dies with a lie, it didn’t hurt them, and it was fine. 

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

never. his ideals are too much for even the finest human being to comprehend. he wants to be the best possible son, friend, leader, actor, motivator, businessman and student. but obviously, it’s never going to happen. and anything less than success is failure. 

Who do they most regret meeting?

no one. whomever he’s met have changed him into a version of himself perhaps more wounded, angry, cold, but it’s been for the better. he’s braver now as well. 

Who are they the most glad to have met?

jiwon. it has to be jiwon. at least 50% of the reason why hyeonjin still stands is because of his best friend, who never fails to make him happy, just because he’s so sanguine, kind, optimistic, and encouraging. everything he himself should be. 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

no, because all of his stories are either unrelatable ( oh lads do you ever get annoyed when the driver stocks coke in the limo when you asked for sprite ) or depressing ( yah so i killed a man that one time ).

Could they be considered lazy?

i wouldn’t use lazy because hyeonjin has a mental health condition that forces him into passivity. but he does have difficulty putting himself out there. 

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

im-fucking-possible. lmao hyeonjin’s got guilt at the back of his mind every second of every day about something or the other. drinking, taking his pills, lying, not being a good friend. but at the same time he’s just so tired of it that he feels nothing very strongly.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

always ! he hates to let people know he’s having a hard time ever so it’s a good distraction to fall into what someone else is talking about and support them all the way. having others be happy around him calms him down to some extent too. 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

hyeonjin loves the idea of love so much. all he wants is a nice relationship, and he’d be a fantastic boyfriend. however, shyness is a thing, and he hasn’t had the courage to approach his crushes. except jiwon; he did have the courage to confess to him, but that had it’s own strings attached.

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

nothing in particular, no ! but as a sidenote hyeonjin has a fairly decent memory. 

What memory do they revisit the most often?

a trip to los angeles when he was thirteen with the chois aka jiwon’s family. jiwon’s elder sister jiyoon took them around disneyland for the whole day, he almost puked on the rollercoaster, saw fireworks — it was a moment of nothing but pure elation. 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

oh, if they consider someone a good friend ? what are flaws. no flaws. nothing but good things. happiness. the best. 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

meanwhile, he himself has a million flaws. he picks at his demeanour and behaviour whenever in the public eye because for the longest time, his father did it for him.  he thinks he’s a bit cowardly, not macho male. long story short, he’s pretty sensitive to his own flaws, but if someone points them out he won’t be offended. he’ll just be sad, because it’s true. 

How do they feel about children?

being a naturally sensitive person, he has a strong maternal instinct towards children, especially younger ones. in practical terms, he may not be fantastic at caring for them, because he doesn’t really know how, but the non-judgemental nature of kids brings his walls down. he loves kids. he wants kids. 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

so badly. so basically his end goal is for the violent organisation that wants to destroy capitalist society to successfully establish itself in the western world again, after a hiatus of nearly fifty years. and this end has to be met. otherwise, his life, throwing everything away — would’ve had no purpose. 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

beautiful, good, and happy people. just, people with a soothing, carefree aura. male, female, nonbinary, anybody, hyeonjin’ll hook onto you immediately. 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

he’s my boy !! when it comes to empathy and sincere kindness, he’s probably the kindest oc i have, at least in this au. also he goes through major char dev to become a lot more harsh, cruel and antagonist-like ( because he is an antagonist, for erich at least ), but he still wants to do the right thing above all. 

B) What inspired you to create them?

ehhhhhh ok so the outside vibe of hyeonjin ( sad rich kid ) was a super old idea i had for the story, but the personality of this kid was totally different. then i transplanted the personality of an older oc into this exterior and boom it’s hyeonjin. 

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

initially, yes, because his story takes place primarily in korea and i had difficulty relating it back to the main action which was supposed to happen in london. but with some tweaks to his backstory ( he studied in the uk ) and lore, i think i’ve made it work. 

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

not too much. the prototype sad rich kid was just a knockoff of artemis fowl, aka much younger and much less of a sweetheart. now hyeonjin’s 20 in the plot.  

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

i think so ! but their tendency of shoving trauma into a closet instead of dealing with it or seeking help could be potential damage to any relationships ( and it is. stay tuned :) )

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

i just feel sorry for him sjdsjdsjf bb you’ve got a long, long way to go — he’s def one of the more unhappy ocs i have.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

a tendency to be a little sanctimonious. i am pure and i am virtuous and i must do the right thing. he’s a bit self-righteous which gets annoying when writing but that’s more because i’m a cynical person. 

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s a good kid. he’s supportive, understanding, polite, genuinely respectful and isn’t really ever petty or vitriolic. a pure boy. baby boy. 

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

yes, because i’m not creative. 

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

mostly family stuff had to be changed to make his home life a little more poisonous. sort of an odd thing to mention, but initially hyeonjin lived with his mother ( who was the businesswoman parent ) while his father was the deadbeat divorcee. but i wanted to talk about how mothers can sometimes get fucked over in divorces, so i swapped them.