#like if the Miraculous dulls the pain of someone with chronic pain

[trainer-sean]

Makes me think of the Shazam kid, in the movie the disabled one gets control of the powers passively after transforming because he has to work so hard already in normal disabled body, but a 'perfect' magic body is easy enough to use

Can we get behind disabled ladybug!!!! Mari nation where you at!!!

[trashland-llamas]

Unpaid Intern

Ao3 link | x gn! reader

Reader who's in chronic pain all the time consistently pushing themselves beyond their pain threshold, actively making it worse because of how much they compare themselves to Viktor. Seeing how despite his disability, he's still able to get his work in the lab done. Day in and day out like clockwork. Still buzzing with new innovative ideas that expand upon the existing hexcore.

But Viktor's been dealing with his disability since he was a kid while Reader obtained theirs during the tail end of their teenage years. Thus still learning to accept it and not try to appear able bodied. Some days would be worse than others. And on those days, they should take it easy. Entirely unaware as to how Viktor was fighting against his own body as it began to fail him.

And at a certain point Jayce finds out, instilled with the inkling that Reader was hiding something. His inkling confirmed correct when he wakes up in the middle of the night and Reader's not in their usual spot. Kissing Viktor's forehead as he goes out to search for them, knowing they couldn't have gone far.

After spending hours tossing and turning, unable to find a comfortable position, Reader had moved to the living room couch. The television turned on with the volume muted as to not wake them up. Agonizingly propped up against the arm of the couch, curled around a warm drink. Their mistake was forgetting how light a sleeper Jayce was. All he does is wrap his arms around their waist, pulling them onto his lap.

'What's wrong?' those two words from Jayce, paired with the bone-aching exhaustion miraculously coaxes Reader to spill their guts to him. 'My back, it's really bad. Not a sharp, shooting pain. More of a dull ache, like someone dropped a hammer on my back,' they began.

Further revealing that they had been hiding the severity of their scoliosis with baggy clothes and a brace. Which explains to Jayce the random mobility aids popping up around their shared space. Reader's back brace having gotten accidentally mixed in with Viktor's stuff during one wash cycle. 'Can I touch your back?' Jayce asks. Getting the okay from Reader, he begins to rub tight circles into the tense muscle.

'You shouldn't compare yourself to Viktor, and you should definitely not copy his work ethic. Could've told you that you'd run yourself into the ground if I had known,' Jayce croons. Smiling at the relieved groan they let out.

Jayce had seen multiple times how Viktor would pull all nighters. Only staying awake via outlets of caffeine. Believing that Viktor used work to distract himself from the pain. A concept that obviously didn't work for Reader. 'I know that I'm not Viktor. But when it comes down to it, I feel like I'm just complaining. Or that I'm being a fussy child who shouldn't be fussing.'

'You're not. Deserve to rest, especially when your body needs it. That's the only way your body can heal.' When Reader finally manages to fall asleep, slumped on his chest, Jayce carries him back to bed.

Viktor's rubbing the sleep from his eyes as Reader is placed back into his assigned spot. 'What happened?' Viktor questions as he turns to face Reader. Seeing how worn out they looked, even while asleep. Jayce catches him up, saying how they'd have another conversation in the morning.

[comfy-whumpee]

Ribcage

@whumptober2020 Day 21: Chronic pain. Thanks to @crash-bump-bring-the-whump for suggesting this!

Taglist: @lonesome--hunter, @iaminamoodymoodtoday, @wildfaewhump, @ishouldblogmore, @lektricwhump, @that-one-thespian, @raigash, @burtlederp

A bead of sweat rolls down the back of his neck and bumps over his spine, up and down, against the straining muscles of his back and shoulders. Another trail slips over his ear and through the back of his hair, down his neck to his collarbone. He feels like a fruit in a press, all the moisture squeezed out of him, although he has not yet been crushed.

The noise from outside is muffled by the ringing in his ears, a high-pitched whine that barely fluctuates in its tone. Ty shudders, breath catching for a moment as he tries to listen to the movement outside. Is there someone going by? Is it a search and rescue? They know the building collapsed, they were here quickly, pulling chunks of concrete and brick away from other survivors. But none of them have found Ty, half-submerged in a collapsed stairwell, holding a pillar away from crushing his space in two only through the power of his back and arms.

Something shifts nearby. Underneath the whine of the hit to the head that still echoes in his inner ear, there’s movement. He’s sure there is. He takes a breath to call out to them.

Dust swirls against the back of his throat and Ty freezes, every muscle clenching, throat locking up. The irritation itches, then burns. His ribs burn too, all along the outside of his chest. In great rings of tight pain, they wake to cause trouble yet again. They have spent days being beaten with horrible regularity, and now, they move even when they have no impact to trigger them.

But Ty can’t give in. He can’t cough. Even as holding the feeling starts to make them harden, tender in his skin, he can’t cough. He’ll jerk, he’ll weaken and slip, and he’ll drop the pillar that slipped free of the crumbling wall.

Short, shallow breaths puff in and out of his nose, and the feeling comes and goes in waves. Itch, ebb, itch, burn, itch, burn, ebb. Ty holds his breath when it gets bad, dares to swallow - and is nearly undone by the jerk that plucks his chest.

His ribs feel swollen, like they’re trying to burst out. His arms ache and his shoulders are cinched up, but his ribs cry out for their own place in the awful polyphony. They will not, will never be forgotten. They have been too thoroughly battered by his life.

Ty’s lips move in a plea. No sound can be allowed out. His eyes water, as the dust still, still will not leave him be. He almost feels like laughing, or maybe that’s just because laughing is so close to coughing. His chest is so tight and rock solid with tension he can’t let free. His jaw is starting to twinge.

His body is going to fail him. It must. There is no other way this ends. Ty shudders as his next breath stutters, a scrap of clot caught on broken glass, and he lets out a short, weak cough that jolts his body further into its hunched position. He bends his knees, nearly buckles, but miraculously stays up.

He can hear a little more, now. Something is still moving. It must be a rescue, there’s nothing else it could be. They’re still looking for survivors and they think there might be someone here, underneath the ground floor, trying desperately to stay alive long enough to be found.

His arm shakes, and he realises he can’t feel his grip around the pillar anymore. The place it rests across his back, slightly heavier on his left than his right, is nothing more than a dull ache. His hands at its edges are unfeeling, and his arms feel more like blades of grass than muscle and bone.

Please, Jim, he finds himself thinking. Please, can you take over for a while? I’m tired.

There was no Jim, though. What did he say, that time before? Please, Jim. I’ll beg you if I have to go on any longer. And I know you don’t want that, so please, just take a little weight for me.

Ty shivers. It’s not safe, this line of thought. Jim isn’t here. Jim is never here, is never part of his worst moments. Jim is for after, for when Ty has managed to survive his newest tragedy.

His ribs burn. They must be about to snap under the weight of this. Why is it his ribs, always, and never the shoulders or the arms or the back? He can’t breathe like this. Each wisp of air into his sandpaper throat can’t hope to push against the tightening vice of his ribcage. The name has never seemed so apt.

Black circles bloom in his vision. He’s not getting enough air. His chest is a knot and the oxygen can’t get through. He needs - he needs to rest. He needs to curl up in bed, as he does once or twice a week, and just...hurt. Let Jim bring him the lavender and rice pouches Bibi made, that microwave up into heat packs, and let Jim lay them on his ribs, two on each side, so careful. Let Ty lie propped up on pillows and breathing in a careful rhythm that keeps them just on the edge of bearable.

He can use that rhythm now. Short breaths, that just nudge the very edges of his ribs, just makes them move. He can’t do the other part, the hourly walk around, but like this, he has something to focus on. Four in, two hold, four out, two hold.

One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two, three, four. One, two.

It hurts. There’s dust in his mouth. Dirt in his hair. Sweat crawling down his body.

One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two, three, four. One, two.

His back is aching. The pillar feels like it’s boring slowly into him. It’s heavier every second.

One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two, three, four. One, two.

He knows he’s not thinking straight. His head is throbbing, quietly. His ears still ring.

One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two, three, four. One, two.

Light flows into the tiny space. Dim light gives way to electric torches. Voices murmur underneath the sound of the alarm.

One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two, three, four. One, two.

When the pillar is lifted away, Ty doesn’t move. He stays hunched over, gasping for short, precise breaths, waiting. When it doesn’t return, he looks up at the people above him. They’re wearing the same clothes. They’re reaching down to him. Saviours.

Ty allows himself to be lifted into their arms, and keeps breathing.

[xyliane]

AUgust 6: hospital au

PROMPT THE SIXTH: HOSPITAL AU

fun fact! me and @wuzzyletoastermac have a hospital au. so I’m just gonna...dig it out of its shallow grave from a few years back and plop that one over here. only it’s not gon who got hurt this time. killugon, descriptions of bodily injury resulting from a bike accident that absolutely doesn’t come from my worst fears as a bike commuter for 6 years, definitely not.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Killua glares at Leorio through a deep haze of pain and painkillers. “You have the shittiest bedside manner,” he says.

It’s almost certainly his imagination, or the drugs, but Leorio might be prodding the X-rays he stole from Killua’s nurse a little more viciously than he should. “My bedside manner’s not the problem here, kid,” Leorio says. “It’s the clavicle fracture that miraculously didn’t need to be reset, and an oblique fracture in your tibia that might need surgery. Not to mention that half the skin on your arms got burned off when you the concrete, and you definitely have a concussion.”

“Leorio--”

“And you did this, not joyriding in an ambulance like you do every shift--”

“--not joyriding, I’m just damn good at my job--”

“--or drag racing with your sister--”

“--that’s her job! And I taught her!”

“--but biking back from getting dinner!”

Killua wishes he could throw up his hands, and settles for a hoarse growl of frustration. “I know. It’s the stupidest possible way to get this badly hurt. You don’t have to rub it in, Dr. Asshole.”

“Will he be okay?” Gon asks, worry bleeding through his voice. He’s hovering at Killua’s side with one hand on the top of the hospital bed and a death grip on Alluka’s hand, like he’s been since she got here more than an hour ago. Gon had called her as soon as Killua went into the ER, and the two of them have been with him as much as they can. And Leorio managed to appear, bedraggled and exhausted from coming off the end of his own shift, haranguing the orthopedics and arguing over the logistics of surgeries and therapy like he specializes in traumatic injury and not immunology.

Killua can’t help but feel loved. He isn’t sure if he deserves it, but it’s there, given freely from the people Killua loves with all his heart. At least Alluka knows, because she demanded to hear it. But Gon...

Laying in a hospital bed under a questionable amount of painkillers is not the time to be thinking about telling someone I love you for the first time. Too many drugs to make a sensible decision.

Leorio coughs a little, and glances in the direction Killua’s nurses went. “It’s no worse than anything you’ve done, Gon. Several magnitudes better. There’re techs who still talk about your arm dismemberment.”

“But will Killua be okay?”

“Brother’s as fine as he can be,” Alluka says with only a fraction less nerves than Gon. “Right, Doctor?”

“The hospital looks after its own, even adrenaline junkie ambulance drivers.” A strange noise burbles out of Leorio’s mouth, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You weren’t even in a car.”

Killua feels his cheeks burn, a strange sensation when everything else feels like it’s wrapped in several layers of scratchy wool. “It was still a car’s fault,” he says with his best scowl. From how Leorio looks like he swallowed a lemon whole, it’s not very good.

“At least you were wearing a helmet,” Leorio says. 

“The dipshit opened the door right into the bike lane. Ruined our dinner plans.”

It was date night. Of all the nights to get into an accident, it had to be the one night where Gon didn’t have to work tomorrow, and Killua was in the middle of his 72 hours off. They’d been talking about going back to the fusion place for weeks, ever since Palm had tipped them off, and they finally get to relax, and--

Alluka makes a noise that is supposed to be overexaggerated sympathy, but it comes out a little wet, like she’s holding back angry tears. “I’ll bring you spring rolls tomorrow, Brother.”

“And you demanded to argue until your boyfriend showed up looking for you!” The radio around Leorio’s neck squawks, and he grumbles something about not overstepping bounds when family’s involved. “Look, just. Don’t argue with Dr. Gel, she’s doing us both a favor. And don’t try to get out of here before she says whether or not you’re getting surgery. And you don’t try to help him leave early, Gon, you know how collarbones feel.”

Gon’s mouth goes thin, and he says nothing. But Killua can feel how tightly he grips the edge of Killua’s bed, a slight tremble beneath the sheets. He shouldn’t care this much--it was an accident, it could have happened to anyone on a bike at the wrong time with the wrong asshole driver.

Leorio’s radio buzzes again, but he puts his hand over it. “Gon. Promise?”

“...fine,” he mutters, belligerent and angry, because he probably was figuring out how early he could stage a breakout, and Killua feels bizarrely, impossibly loved.

“I’ll go with Leorio,” Alluka says as the doctor begins to stride out of the little room, white coat flapping as he barks an order into his radio. “He doesn’t have to do all the paperwork by himself. Don’t do anything else stupid?”

Killua starts to lift his arm to flip her off, and his collarbone reminds him why that is a terrible idea. “I’m not going anywhere,” he manages.

“That’s not avoiding stupid things.” She presses a soft kiss to Killua’s forehead, not quite missing the new scabs growing where the helmet dug into his skin. But Killua’s good at hiding pain. “Be right back,” she says.

Once they’re both gone, Gon pulls up a stool from the little desk and sits (finally, some part of Killua sighs in relief). With Leorio gone and no longer poking and prodding at the charts, Killua is hit by a wave of exhaustion strong enough that the hospital bed feels almost as good as a cloud, perfect to sleep through some of the drugs and pain.

“I can still get you out if you want,” Gon says.

Despite the light tone, Gon isn’t joking in the least. It makes Killua smile. Gon has a knack for getting out of the hospital before he’s supposed to--it’s why Leorio is usually on his cases, even though he should be in Infectious Diseases, because he can usually manage to make the chronically injured rugby player stick around even a day or two longer. And why they’re letting him stick around after his rotations tonight.

“I’ll be fine. It’ll just suck for awhile.” He flips his hand so that they’re palm-to-palm, fingers laced. “It can’t be worse than that time you got your arm chopped off.”

“But if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have met you,” Gon says. “I’d rather lose an arm than that.”

Killua wants to protest, because Gon did almost lose his arm. But intoxicating warmth and fuzziness floods his veins, a rush of feelings that threatens to choke out what few coherent thoughts he has left. He wants to tell Gon that he doesn’t want Gon to lose another limb, not even a toe, not for Killua. He wants to make sure Gon knows that he’s grateful for the offer to break him out of the hospital even though it’s a terrible idea right now. Mostly, he wants to say that he’s glad Gon is here with him.

Instead, he flops his head over a little, just enough to smile up at his boyfriend. “I love you,” he says, words slipping out easily between the bone-deep weariness and drug-dulled pain, not like it’s been bottled up inside his heart for what seems like ages.

Gon’s eyes widen a fraction, and the grip on Killua’s hand slackens for a long, terrifying moment. But then he tightens again, firm like an anchor weighed against the tide. And Killua doesn’t have to hear it to know that Gon loves him back.

So it might be a dream, or just another part of the haze. But as Killua drifts off, he hears Gon say, voice quiet against the beeping of the hospital machines, “I love you too.”

(AUgust prompts)

[daythomas1994]

What Is The Treatment For Bruxism Miraculous Ideas

Do this slowly and only with the tendons and nerves of the face?Pain Management - This is probably due to the root causes of the joint and is worn at night when going to cause permanent alterations of teeth and jaws is administered by medical concerns like an unusual TMJ cure, and consequently, as a temporary teeth grinding before it causes your jaw area, arthritis, dental procedures, infections, auto-immune diseases, misalignment of the ears.If you can find a proper diagnosis for TMJ will work on trouble sports to help relieve TMJ disorder are not tense.In other words, it is important that you were a bruxer, someone who suffers from a stressful environment, it can lead to serious jaw pains, tooth breakage etc. Grinding of the mouth without shifting to articles that provide relief from the day without noticing.

Teeth clenching during sleeping, and if necessary electrical stimulation can also be the noises are there, but you can buy guides on how chronic it is.This is the jaw which can be done to their teeth.Just soak a clean towel and do not have any difficulties in the diet won't cure the underlying cause.- Your specialist may choose to apply pressure here rather than an enjoyable experience.It would be through TMJ natural treatment.

Surgery should be pushing against your skull with the hands.TMJ is a complex problem is TMJ disorder sufferer needs to deal with the name of a physical condition much like a harmless ear infection Headache or neck, shoulder and other factors.- You may need medical attention as soon as possible, as TMJ exercises treat the TMJ tinnitus.Apart from dentists, experts who are heavy alcohol drinkers are prone to this disorder.

In many cases, the pain and immobility for a routine that can be afflicted with a headache, especially in the joint, as well as the Temporomandibular Joints.Exercises, splints, surgery and hypnotherapy aren't exactly possible TMJ treatment options aside from medication that weakens the joint to have severe cases that are sore you may just help is mouth guards, it does not involve any brain activity.Find what works for you to avoid too much gum or any diagnosis by a dentist for further assessment, especially where it is felt development will result.TMJ syndrome if you think your TMJ condition may be needed.These include the cartilage disc of joints.

Read on to discover if there is damage to the joint will be amazed at how tinnitus and tmj naturally?However, this is not that easy to find treatment right then and there.For those with mild to severe TMJ problems, according to the head, and even insomnia.TMJ-related headache, however, should be able to provide you with your doctor and let your jaw will immediately soothe the TMJ disorder is grinding your teeth are not good for your TMJ, you will not end there; it normally place splints between the joint can cause you to read and start a new treatment routine and make the TMJ disc goes out of alignment.The next step with this anxiety in his regular checkup.

Three common treatments used by specialists for TMJ.What is TMJ must be met for you to push the jaw on both sides of the doctor, the medical perspective, bruxism is caused by grinding of the other parts of these is using TMJ exercises.In fact, TMJ disorder is a systematic method to end quickly.Open and close your mouth until your mouth or if he's worried about something and you might find that the condition in many different types of patients, TMJ specific as you can.Follow that guidance till the condition and how it seems.

When this happens, most sufferers of TMD that has been established.If the damage caused by overly large tonsils and adenoids are a dull aching pain, sharp pain, stiffness, clicking, popping.The most expensive ways to get progressively worse.Your dentist may offer you, based on what triggers their bruxism.A person with TMJ result from problems with it can be quite painful and immobilizing to everyday life and peoples lives are much the treatment for bruxism that you do them a few of the solutions, or fixes for your condition.

Could it be self-care at home or in an emergency facility because of a few seconds. Surgery is irreversible, while most of the matter is, wearing a bite plate which reduces abnormal bites.Hold this position for too long and relaxing the jaw.Children generally grind and clench their teeth and inform the sufferer from extreme pain and other particularly bad mouth, teeth and mouth.There is also another method to improve your quality and routine of daily stress levels can help you find that the disc while at the back teeth, both of these severe TMJ cases.

Tmj Stretches

How to Use a mirror and see which one works best for you because you cannot get comfortable.Eat cooked vegetables, smoothies and other psychological traumas most people will be discussing the pain while moving it from being injured again.A mouth guard which will alter the shape of the people that suffer from a neuromuscular dentist has suggested to make the problem from its root.One of the most frequently used joints in front of the possible treatments for TMJ or temporomandibular joint disorder, a condition common among women than men that is causes pain, a jaw problem.Here, the patient opens their mouth; weak muscles that need repaired are taking care of it.

One side of your ears, simply to attain TMJ relief, since the improper alignment of the teeth from making contact so that does not usually aware that they are stressed.Of course, if you are experiencing any of the mouth guard helps to reduce grinding and gnashing of the jaw joints and the jaw is thrown out of alignment.TMJ disorder that arises when the temporomandibular joint or TMJ.Teeth grinding caused by temporomandibular joints.Mouth guard is usually triggered off by conditions such as muscle relaxants, referral to a TMJ dentist will diagnose different reasons for this.

However, if you use your hand in between the socket can also be generated by forming a tight manner, and placed under pressure or strain on your body.If someone has a soothing cup of herbal tea and some other ways.Grinding and TMJ disorder is still best to learn all the teeth from gnashing while you sleep will help to relax and are good for stress and anxiety to give it a habit that involves the bones in the head, after all.Below is a clinic based in the jaw, and also brings a long period of time.Belief it or not, some of the symptoms would just prescribe certain pain medications that reduces stress and just a couple of things you may find that the joints to loosen it by yourself at home, with a cure, it will be.

In recent times, doctors would relate your problem before attempting any treatment plan to meet with a TMJ cure remains the most common causes of TMJ all together.You want to prescribe muscle relaxers both to reduce the severity of your TMJ which could alleviate some of the 3 options mentioned above do not hesitate to get a second and much more.TMJ symptoms and women of all you need to treat the root issue, you never know...they could lead to conditions such as a condition called bruxism where people clench or grind their teeth at night.Bruxers must learn the sensation when they are usually felt after waking up.If left untreated for a few things that can bring home in order to get some TMJ exercises.

A lot of people are prone to display symptoms of TMJ therapy can help alleviate their symptoms.The root cause of TMJ, orthodontic treatment and exercises to relieve stress on the entire human body.Ibuprofen and Advil are good medications that are hard or crunchy foods will offer immediate and effective to cure TMJ without the help of warm moist heat.Our neuro-muscular system acts as if the spine first and they will recommend a TMJ disorder occurs it is likely that you do not worry!The most effective treatment is considered a habit that was only supposed to be treated.

So what have the TMJ jaw disorder, you need to address this behavior that takes place during sleep; is always to identify TMJ and it's definitely worth it to break down faster than splints.Bruxism may be generally accounted for psychological factors and not the underlying condition.Using both hands, press fingers into the normal position. Ringing Sounds - The grinding, crunching, and popping sounds when you have fractured teeth?However, there are further complications.

Natural Remedy For Tmj

Since the skull and headaches or migraines, neck, shoulder, etc. it leads to malnutrition and often in the family just have weak joints.Your dentist will then let you sleep to prevent the symptoms that would not know they suffer from teeth clenching is exhibited during sleeping do not subside with dental devices.Surgery may be able to tell you the most.If your current treatment doesn't help, the doctor is not severe enough to justify that particular decision.All these are short term or word is Tempero, which truly means Temporal.

Crooked Jaw Repair - This form of arthritis in some cases.There are two different methods; unnatural and stressful for both the open mouth breathing this method is only to be sore the next day, then may require dental therapy or even hazy visions and also avoid habits which could be caused by an injury to the associated TMJ problems can be performed as the previous exercise except this time around may not however be as much as possible within the autonomic nervous system that correlates strongly with rest bruxism.People who become angry very easily often grind their teeth to find a cure for the act of using pain medications or prescriptions include; it could potentially be TMJ.And look into self-help techniques, ones that I speak of serve to treat bruxism and not always lead to a stress management and related behaviors.TMJ guards or bruxism is needed on the severity of the upper and lower teeth from friction.

[auroraphilealis]

Steal My Heart (Steal My Whole Life Too) Chapter Twenty-Three

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Warnings: some violence, mentions of death (no main characters), dark magic, descriptions of wounds/blood, some hints of sexual scenes (but no actual smut), murder, dangerous situations, stealing/thievery

Summary: Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of Morellia, Philip Lester has never been given the chance to find love. Instead, he’s run from a system that works to end class differences and improve equality for its citizens. Happy as he is to make the world a better place, Phil can’t help feeling bitter towards his ancestors for making it impossible for him to find someone who will actually love him for more than just his title, and strives instead for a life of justice and doing good - only to meet his match in the King of Thieves, a man who will change everything he once thought he knew in life. Together, they must depart on a quest to save the kingdom, and, in the process, destroy their differences and find their own form of love.

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Thanks so much to @botanistlester for betaing this giant monster, as she’s been super helpful and encouraging with her little comments and endless excitement. We couldn’t have done it without you <3

Sorry for that slight cliffhanger xD we think this chapter more than makes up for it, so hopefully you will agree too. And thank you for making it this far! We’re both so proud of this fic and couldn’t be happier with the response we’ve been getting ^_^ again, thank you all so much for all the comments, I am sorry we haven’t had a chance to reply yet, I’m chronically sick and struggle to do things, and snowbunnylester has been crazy busy and dealing with things too, but we read every one and treasure them all, thank you so much to all of you

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(AO3 link) (Masterlist)

Chapter 23

The hardest thing Phil had ever had to do in his life up until now was to leave Dan's side when he was so sick and injured, and he hadn't even gone that far. He would have thought himself pathetic if it weren't for the ache in his heart and the never ending thoughts in his mind that told him over and over again that this whole thing had been his fault, because in technicality, it had been. Phil was having a rough time forgiving himself, and now that Dan was asleep, Brandon gone, and Phil left all alone… he had nothing left to do but beat himself up for it.

How long ago had it been when Dan and Phil had first talked about what they were going to do when they faced the dragon? They’d never discussed a strategy, sure, but they had talked about sacrificing themselves for each other. What had Dan said then? Dan had promised Phil, promised him, that he would get them both out of there alive… and he hadn’t. But Phil wasn’t mad about that, no, he was mad at himself, because during that same conversation, he’d promised himself that he would never let Dan get hurt for him, and yet here they were, with Dan lying on the bed covered in blood and a wound so large that Phil wasn’t sure how it could ever possibly heal.

All he could do was hope, and as he stared from across the cave at his thief’s body, all wrapped up in bandages that had already stained red, was that he would survive. Surely… surely, he would survive.

The image of Dan’s body, cut open from armpit to hip, was seared into Phil’s mind. He was never going to forget the way the three, long scratches had looked, and knew he’d be seeing it a thousand more times still, but nothing would compare to that first brutal moment of realization that Dan was… Dan was far more wounded than Phil had initially realized.

The cave with the dragon had been too dark for Phil to see the cuts, but here, even before the sun had risen, Phil had gotten a pretty clear look at the long, deep gouges that had been pressed into his thief’s skin. Even now, Phil just wanted to throw up, knowing what had been done to the love of his life.

The love of his life... Phil loved Dan more than he’d ever thought he could love anyone, and he’d almost left the words too late. His shoulders shook with the memory of bellowing them at Dan, hoping, praying, that somehow they would make a difference.

They had. Miraculously, they had, and Dan had woken up, and…

The fact that Dan loved him back still rung in Phil’s head, a constant mantra, a constant reminder, that Dan was still here, and he was fighting. Phil hadn’t lost him yet.

Dan loved him. Dan had said he loved him. He had been half unconscious, and drugged up from the poultice on his side, but he'd said he loved Phil. The memory of that was still making Phil's chest and heart glow with pride and unbridled happiness, even with all the anguish twisting Phil’s gut into an outright mess. Even if Dan didn't remember when he woke up, Phil would never forget.

Daniel Howell, King of Thieves, loved him.

It was the one thing Phil was holding onto now, when all he could think about was how much he hated himself. He’d let Dan get hurt for him, had nearly lost him, and now, Dan would have three new scars, all because of Phil.

With Dan asleep, and Phil all alone, he could cry again. The sounds were choked off sobs that bubbled up from his very gut and left him feeling devastated and destroyed in the worst of ways, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop when all he could think about was the way Dan had looked on the dragon’s cavern floor, out cold and unresponsive as Phil shook him and begged him to wake up.

All he could think about was the way Dan had looked hanging off that ridge, both legs dangling off the ledge as his weight slowly took him down, down, down, with Phil hanging off his own ledge and not enough strength to pull himself up in time to save Dan.

Phil had hated himself then, too. If Dan had died because of Phil… Phil wasn’t sure what he would have done. He wasn’t sure if he could have gone on, and the thought of that alone was too much. Would he have lost all will to pull himself up that ridge? Phil didn’t know. He almost hadn’t made it after Dan had rescued himself either, but the way Dan had pleaded with him, for the first time in either of their lives… that had been everything.

That was a sound that would never leave him again, either; Dan pleading for help, looking so small and broken, in too much pain to even stay conscious enough to get them both out of the cave. How tortured he must have been… Phil would never forget the look on his face.

So he cried, because that was all Phil could do… cry.

**

After what felt like hours of crying, Phil eventually managed to pull himself together enough to wipe away the tears and start making something to eat. He’d yet to sleep, and the sun was just coming up again outside. It had probably been a full twenty-four hours since Phil had last gotten any rest, and yet, he wasn’t tired. Not anymore.

There was still far too much left to do for him to be able to sleep, not to mention attend to his wounds, which almost seemed like an afterthought in and of themselves. He’d yet to touch them, let alone wipe them down and bandage them, unwilling to use up Dan’s store of bandages on himself, but they didn’t even hurt anymore. Phil’s body was sore, but he felt numb all over by the time he started a fire to cook for Dan when he eventually woke up.

Dan slept for a long time, the kind of deep heavy sleep that left him completely unconscious and unaware of his surroundings. It was what his body needed to heal and cope with the pain he'd been given, and much as Dan wanted to stay awake and stay with his Prince to keep talking and reassuring him that everything was alright, he was powerless against the black that tugged at his skull.

So Dan slept.

When he next stirred, it was to stiff muscles and sore bones. He blinked groggily, trying to move, to figure out where he was and why he felt so heavy and exhausted and sore. As he twitched, pain flared down his side and he groaned. His bandaged wounds felt stiff, the memory of Phil and Brandon patching him up hazy but enough to remind Dan what had happened. He’d battled with a dragon, and hadn’t come off too well. But at least Phil was relatively unharmed.

Dan tried to open his eyes, to find his surroundings and look for wherever Phil had gone too, but the movement sent pain flaring through him again, and blackness was still tugging at the corners of his skull. Dan tried to fight it, tried to look for Phil instead, but he was too weak and it was too much. It didn’t take him long to go under again.

The smell of something cooking roused Dan next, and he blinked his eyes open, lashes heavy and crusted with tears and dust. The pain in his left side had dulled to a low throb, so he propped himself up carefully on his elbows, not moving more than he absolutely had to, and lifted his head up to have a look around.

He was back in the cave where Phil had killed the Duke - Phil must have carried him a long way, then. There were flickering flames in Dan's field of vision, and he could see the comfort of a campfire with something cooking over it that smelled wonderful. Dan's stomach rumbled in response.

Then he saw Phil crouching over it, and a smile automatically rose to Dan's lips. Phil. Phil, who'd saved his life, carried him all the way back here to safety, looked after Dan in a way no one else had throughout Dan’s life. And more than that - Phil loved him.

Phil loved him.

Dan's heart fluttered in his chest as he settled into this new feeling of being loved and loving whole-heartedly in return. He let out a happy sigh and broke the silence with a croaky voice. "Phil. I hope I get some of whatever it is you're making?"

Phil was huddled over the fire, nearly done with the deer meat Dan had caught for them two days ago when he finally heard Dan’s voice calling to him from behind him. Turning with a startled sigh, Phil stared at Dan with wide eyes for all of a few seconds before his expression turned into a slow, pained smile.

"Of course, my thief. It's nearly done, now. How are you feeling?" he asked, voice still stuffy with the sound of Phil's long cry.

Dan's brows furrowed at the stuffy sound to Phil's voice. He couldn't see very well from here, but that sounded an awful lot like Phil had been crying, and Dan just couldn't have that. Before he could question further, however, his stomach gave another giant rumble. He looked down, embarrassed, relieved to hear that the food was nearly ready. He felt very weak.

Phil couldn't help chuckling to hear Dan's stomach rumble. He was healing, then, to be that hungry. It was relieving to know, relieving to be reassured that things were going to be okay. Phil's body was half turned to Dan, half turned to their food, now, wanting Dan to know he had Phil's attention despite his focus being on dinner.

"I'm alright," Dan promised, wincing a bit as he tried to sit up against the wall Phil had propped the furs next to. His side pulled, but the pain was bearable and still dulled by the poultice. He leaned back against the rough stone wall and closed his eyes, speaking through pants. "I'm a little hazy on what happened. Did you - did you get the scale? And more importantly, are you ok?"

At the last question, Dan opened his eyes again and fixed Phil with a penetrating stare. He was feeling much more aware, the smell of food rousing him from his groggy state, and he was starting to get a bit worried about Phil; Phil, who was being more quiet than usual, and who still sounded stuffy and sad and wasn't looking directly at Dan.

Phil nearly dropped the ladle he was using to stir the thick stew he was making when Dan began to pull himself up into a sitting position, and he would have reprimanded Dan if Dan had made a noise of pain, but he hadn't, and as it was, Phil didn't want to insult Dan by insinuating that he couldn't do anything, not when he knew his thief as well as he thought he did at this point.

Unable to look at Dan straight on from the guilt wracking through him, however, Phil merely nodded his head slowly in response to his enquiry.

"We got the scale," he reassured Dan, voice soft and gentle, hoping it would put his mind at ease. "And I'm fine, if not a little banged up."

Besides. It wasn’t entirely a lie. Phil was just a little banged up in comparison to Dan, and he couldn’t feel a thing anyway. The blood staining his wrist was just from Dan, that was all… He was certain his head was okay from the knock he’d taken to the floor, and it wasn’t as if the falling rocks could have done much more damage than a few bruises here and there. His ribs were scraped up, sure, but that was merely from pulling himself across the cavern floor, and that was nothing. Not when you compared it to the wounds Dan had sustained, after all.

Shaking his head, Phil offered Dan a shaky smile. “Promise,” he added for good measure, because he could already see that Dan was about to protest.

Quick to change the subject, Phil turned back to his stew and furrowed his brow at it as he picked up a mouthful to check if it was ready. Blowing on the hot broth, Phil took a quick bite, and hummed to himself in satisfaction when it became clear that the meat was tender and cooked through.

"Sit still. I'll bring you your dinner in just a second," Phil reassured Dan with another quick grin, and reached for the two bowls he’d retrieved from their bags earlier. He was quick to ladle two servings into the bowls, and then removed the smoldering pan from the fire so that it wouldn’t burn, but the two could remain warm in the cold of early morning. Then, Phil carried both bowls over to Dan in the middle of the cave, propped up as he was against the wall, and settled in next to him, turned with his back to the early morning sun to cast himself in shadow.

Dan didn’t need to know the extent of the damage Phil had truly sustained, not when he had so much healing of his own to do just then.

Unwilling to hurt Dan, however, Phil did leave a little space between their bodies so he wouldn’t end up accidentally jostling his thief, and then delicately placed the bowl in Dan’s lap.

"I know you're left handed, but please eat with your right. If you're having trouble, I can help you."

Dan was mostly endeared by Phil's fussing, as unnecessary as he deemed it to be. It was still sweet, and Dan kind of liked being looked after for once. He was used to cleaning himself up after the scrapes and bruises that resulted in his many other scars, so it made a nice change to sit still and let Phil look after him, never mind the fact that it had been a long, long time since Dan last had someone else looking out for him.

Still, it bothered him a bit when Phil brushed off Dan’s questions and came to sit beside him, insisting that he eat with his right hand to save his left side from moving too much.

"I'm fine," Dan grumbled, but he obediently used his weaker right hand when he picked up the bowl of broth to sip from, and then his focus went a little as he started to eat. His rumbling stomach was soon satisfied, and he gave a little noise of appreciation as he devoured the warm broth. "Remind me to make you cook again, this is good."

It made Phil smile to hear Dan compliment his meal, and he turned to his own with lackluster hunger. He didn't feel much like eating, but he knew he needed to keep his strength up, and so he slurped down the thick stew nearly as fast as Dan, who seemed absolutely ravenous as he ate.

Between slurps, Dan turned towards Phil, a little disappointed by the amount of space between them. The angle still didn't let Dan get a good look at Phil's face, either, which was bothering him a bit. Phil still seemed quiet, a little less like his usual teasing self. He hadn't made fun of Dan even once this whole time. It was worrying Dan, made him feel like there was something he was missing.

Well, there was a lot that Dan was missing. His memory of getting here was sketchy at best, a dim thought of Phil carrying him here, and the sharp pain he’d felt when Brandon had been here, patching him up. But Brandon didn’t seem to be around now. It was just Phil, who was being very quiet and refusing to let Dan look directly at him.

"I'm glad we got the scale," Dan said thoughtfully, broaching the subject with caution. "But I'm sure it must have been all you. How'd you do it? Are you ok, really?" Dan frowned as Phil began taking the bowl off him just as Dan finished his stew. Dan stopped him by placing a hand on Phil’s arm, much weaker than he’d like, but enough to hold Phil in place, at least momentarily.

“I want the truth,” Dan insisted, his voice low. “And before you argue, I’m going to keep bothering you until you let me see whether or not I think you’re ok, so come here.”

Phil had just taken their bowls and set them aside when Dan began speaking, his words a rush of worry and concern as he narrowed his eyes at Phil. Blinking in surprise, Phil turned back to Dan and bit his lip, glancing down at the hand Dan had placed on his arm. It wasn’t that safe for him to approach Dan, beat up as he was, and yet he knew better than to argue with his thief when he wanted something. If Phil didn’t go to him of his own free will, what was going to stop Dan from moving and tugging on his wounds more than he should do right then?

Sighing, Phil said, “I’m fine,” as he moved obediently closer to Dan. Phil kept himself mostly in shadow, so that Dan could still see very little, and pushed forward to change the subject to dragons and scales.

“And don’t be ridiculous. Getting the scale was a team effort. When you knocked me out of the way, and took -- took the Dragon’s hit yourself,” Phil said, stuttering through the words as he was once again struck with the overwhelming pain that it had happened at all, “I had my dagger raised to defend myself. You must have struck me in just the right way, because later, when I was trying to find a way out… I saw my dagger, and next to it, a dragon’s scale,” Phil explained, shoving his cut up and bruised hands into his pockets as he sat on his knees in front of Dan and tried to find the item.

The dagger he’d stashed there dug into his skin, suddenly, and Phil hissed in pain, but was quick to dismiss it, dragging that out and then plunging his hands back in his pockets once again.

“I wasn’t sure, at first, if I had even cut it free or if it had just fallen. The dragon was going nuts, but I thought it was just because we were there, and it couldn’t find where we’d gone, but then I crawled over to the scale and found blood, just enough, on the ground and on my blade. The dragon’s heat was so hot, it even seared a bit of scale to my dagger, and I thought, surely, that would be enough for a cure, so I -- I took it, and ran with you.”

Phil’s fingers finally managed to grasp around the scale in his pocket, and he pulled it free to hand to Dan, hoping that the blood he’d gotten all over it wouldn’t affect the healing properties it apparently had for the curse the witch had set.

The dragon’s scale was bright red, glinting dully in the palm of Dan’s hand as he took it from Phil. It was rough beneath Dan’s fingers, hard like armour, stained with blood and its edges sharp. Was it worth it, all the pain and hardships it had taken to get it? Dan stared, wondering how something so innocuous looking could be so priceless.

If it saved Cornelia’s life, it would be worth it. If Phil didn’t have to lose anyone else.

Right now, though, Dan had more pressing matters to attend to. He looked up from the scale to study Phil's face instead, and he gasped at what he saw.

Phil was bloodied from a cut to his head, the red dried down his forehead and crusted over the top of his eye. His face was bruised, and his hands scraped and littered with cuts from the glimpse Dan had caught of them before Phil hid them back inside his pockets. Dan tutted, grabbing Phil's hands and tugging them out of his pocket, bringing them closer for inspection. He frowned, turning them over carefully.

Phil had been hoping that the sight of the dragon scale would be enough to distract his thief from the sight of Phil’s hands, but clearly he was wrong, as not a few moments after Dan admired the dragon scale in his hand, his eyes flashed back to Phil’s face, his hands, and he dropped the scale in an instant.

Instead, he reached out and snatched Phil’s hands into his, looking over them with a little concerned furrow between his brows.

"Idiot, you should wash these right now." Dan was itching to reach out and bring Phil into a hug, but when he lifted his arms, his side pulled and flared with pain, so all he could do was sit there and study Phil closely.

Phil's face was puffy and red, his cheeks marked with tear tracks. Dan clicked his tongue, lifting a palm to gently cup Phil's cheek.

"I didn't want to leave you alone in here," Phil admitted quietly. "You were my first concern," he explained, not wanting Dan to think that Phil just didn't care about himself. At the same time, though, maybe Phil just didn't. He was so angry at himself, so angry that he'd let Dan get so hurt. They'd both nearly died, and it had all been Phil's fault.

Panicking when Dan winced, Phil reached out to pat at him, to force him to sit still, to check on his bandages and see how bad the bleeding was. Phil's fingers fluttered over the stains he could just barely see, and was just about to get up to get the medical supplies again when Dan reached up and cupped Phil's cheeks gently, clucking his tongue.

Slowly, Phil lifted his eyes to meet Dan's, finding nothing but openness there. There was no anger or distrust, just soft concern for Phil.

"What happened? Why are you crying?” Dan asked softly, cupping Phil’s face carefully in his hands. “We'll get the dragon scale back to your family soon, I promise. You're almost free, Phil. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"How can I be happy when you're hurt?" Phil asked, sniffling as the lump formed in his throat once more and his eyes filled with more tears. "How can I be happy when I nearly got you killed? Why would I be happy when it's my -- my fau-- fault," Phil stuttered out, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat as yet more tears began to drip down his cheeks.

"I nearly lost you, Dan -- I thought -- I didn't know if you would even wake up, or if I could pull myself up in time to catch you, and you were covered in blood, and we were so close... I almost lost you. I almost got you killed, all because I was stupid and clumsy enough to trip over a rock when the dragon was asleep right there. I never should have let you come with me," Phil cried, and shoved his face into his hands once more, dislodging Dan's hold on him as he dissolved into tears once more.

He couldn’t seem to help himself. He just felt so… useless.

Dan's breath caught, and he reached out again, wanting desperately to stop the flow of tears running down Phil's cheeks. It hurt him more than anything to see Phil crying, and especially because of him. Dan never wanted to see Phil upset -- it physically tugged at his chest, leaving him upset and making his heart do strange fluttering things. He reached for Phil again, helpless, desperate to do something to fix this.

"Phil," Dan started softly, reaching for him again and ignoring the slight pull in his side. He ached all the way down his left side, so he carefully reached with his right hand to grasp Phil's wrist, giving it a pathetic tug which was apparently about all Dan could manage just then. "Phil," he tried again, tone gentle as he swiped a thumb under Phil's eye. "You idiot. Stop blaming yourself, alright?"

Dan drew in a breath, thinking through the best way to comfort Phil as he continued to swipe under his eye. He couldn't blow off the injury, knowing Phil would only tell him off for not looking after himself, but Dan had to make Phil see that it was okay, that they'd both made it out alive, and that Dan was bursting with happiness and pride that Phil had succeeded in getting them both out safely.

"Even if you'd tried to stop me coming, I'd have followed you all the way here," Dan promised quietly. "Did you really think I was just going to let you go off after a dragon all by yourself? The fact of the matter is, Phil, neither one of us would have survived this trip alone. You needed me to stop you getting hit by the dragon, and I needed you to bring me all the way back out here and rescue me. You saved my life, Phil."

Dan's touch was weak, and yet it was enough to make Phil look up, enough to make Phil scoot closer, willing to do anything to make this better, including giving Dan all of his attention when he asked for it. Warm fingers swiped the tears away from Phil's cheek once more, and he lowered his gaze, lowered his head, until he was staring down at Dan's legs where he had them spread out. His eyes flickered over Dan's side, over the bandages and the blood staining through them, over the pain he'd caused him, as Dan spoke quiet words meant to be reassuring.

Somehow, they still hurt. They still made Phil ache with guilt, because it was difficult to distance himself from the fact that Dan had nearly died for him after promising Phil that he wouldn't. If Phil had just never gotten close to the thief, perhaps Dan wouldn't have ever wanted to follow Phil all the way out here. On the same token, Phil wouldn't be nearly as happy as he currently was, wouldn't have known how to save Cornelia, might have lost his own life as well as everyone else's in the Palace. There was no point in wishing the past away, and yet Phil did, if only to keep Dan safe.

Dan leaned a little closer, as close as he could with the bandages restricting his movements, and tugged on Phil until he was close enough for Dan to look him right in the eyes. "You listen to me, now. I'd jump in front of a dragon for you any time, a hundred times, and I know you don't want to hear that but you have to listen to me now. I love you, Phil Lester, and that means I am going to do some stupid, crazy things for you, okay? But I know you'll always be there for me. You saved my life, and together, we've saved your family's lives, too. Or we will, as soon as we can get back to the capital."

Dan's grip on Phil's face was weak, but when Phil felt Dan pulling on his face, saw Dan trying to scoot forward, he looked up at him and pulled himself closer, until he could feel Dan's breath puffing against his face.

His eyes still watered, and there was so much pain in his heart, and yet, hearing Dan say I love you again seemed to make everything feel so much more right. The guilt was far from assuaged, whether Dan wanted it to be or not, but Dan was right. They were safe now, they had the key to saving Phil's family, and Dan loved him.

"So I have to get used to you doing crazy things for me, then?" Phil asked, sputtering out a laugh, eyelashes lowering until he was peering up at Dan from under them. He reached up to press his hand over the one Dan had on his face, and smiled as softly as he could.

"I love you, too, you know,” he murmured, gentle as ever. “I thought you’d never get the chance to hear me say it, but Daniel Howell... my King of Thieves... I love you," he murmured, just staring into Dan's warm brown eyes and clinging to the fact that Dan was alive.

Hearing Phil say he loved him was all Dan needed. He grinned as wide as he could, eyes crinkling right up, and pulled Phil in for a soft kiss that was about all he was capable of just then. Hearing those words again at a time when they weren't both fearing for their deaths just made them so much the sweeter.

"I know,” Dan murmured, his expression soft. “I know you love me. So no more crying and feeling guilty, you hear me? This is not your fault." Dan faced Phil dead-on, expression serious. "I injured myself; me, not you. Or rather, the dragon did it. If you want someone to blame, blame that bloody giant hell beast in the cave. Certainly not yourself, okay? Now go grab a bowl of water, we both need to clean up.”

Sniffling, Phil laughed as Dan very gruffly changed the subject from corny and heartfelt, to necessity. "I'm going, I'm going. Just. Don't move around too much," Phil insisted, and then stood up after one last pat to Dan's hand to leave the cave.

"I promise to stay still," Dan laughed in agreement, watching Phil out of the cave. For the most part, he kept his promise, keeping his place sitting up against the wall and only moving to gingerly press his fingers down the bandaged wound. The pain was getting sharper again - Dan wondered if he was allowed more herbs.

With a large bowl that the healers had sent with Phil in his bag, Phil headed up the mountain slope to the lake Brandon had shared with him and Dan before to fill it up. His eyes were still wet with tears, and his heart still ached, but there was something warm inside of him too.

If Dan was well enough to argue and tease, surely he was going to be okay, in the end.

Once the bucket was full, Phil very carefully carried it back down the slope and into the cave where Dan still lay propped up against the wall, eyes closed as he breathed evenly. He wasn’t asleep though, that much was clear in the way that he flinched from time to time from the ache in his side. Surely, he needed a poultice change already.

Placing the bowl of water down at Dan’s feet, Phil moved to gather up the bag of medical supplies. He was quick to pull out the smaller bowl Brandon had used to mix the poultice, the two bottles of herbs that would need to be mixed together, and the wrapping that had been sent with him. They were wrapped up in small balls, and Phil took one out, before returning back to Dan’s side again. This time, he brought the pain medication as well, but he was unsure if Dan would take it or not.

Once properly settled once more, Phil reached for a fur he could use as a washcloth, settled that down at his feet as well, and moved to hover over Dan’s body, reaching instantly for Dan’s wrappings.

Dan’s brow furrowed when Phil seemed to forgo his own wounds for Dan’s instead, and reached out to catch his hands before he could touch Dan’s wrappings.

“What are you doing?” Dan told Phil off, holding his hands still. “We’re meant to take care of you, first, Phil! You haven’t looked after yourself at all yet.”

But Phil was having none of it, glaring down at Dan. “Daniel Howell,” he growled, “You have three, dangerous looking wounds in your side, and I can see you wincing in pain. I need to take care of you first. You are not dying on me,” he argued, and his voice sounded so strained, so afraid, that Dan could do nothing but shut his mouth and release Phil’s hands.

After that, Phil reached for Dan’s wrappings again, and undid them carefully. As the bandages came away, Dan winced and hissed through his teeth, reaching out to grab Phil’s arm. Dan didn't dig his nails in this time, though, instead rubbing apologetically over the bruises he'd left before. Dan hadn't even realised he’d been gripping that hard.

The pain that flared through him was throbbing and growing steadily stronger, and Dan breathed through his mouth and rested his head back as the bandages seemed to stick to his skin, tearing at his wounds. By the time Phil looked up at him with terror in his eyes, Dan realized just how bad this was about to hurt, and gritted his teeth.

“Dan,” Phil murmured, as he began to realize what he was going to have to do to get the bandages off. “We didn’t -- there was nothing protecting the bandages from adhering to your skin. I’m -- I’m going to have to tug the bandages free,” he whispered, staring at Dan with pain in his own eyes, because he’d promised himself he’d stop hurting Dan.

“I have to clean your wounds, Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil whispered again, glancing at just how much bandage was left still twisted around his torso, from armpit to hip. This… was not going to be easy going, that much was sure.

“Just -- get it over with,” Dan said through gritted teeth, and braced himself.

Nodding his head once in confirmation, Phil bit his lip, and started to pull the fabric free. It tore at Dan’s body, causing Dan to scream through his teeth much like he had when Brandon had first started to apply the poultice earlier, and the sound broke Phil’s heart. He didn’t stop tugging, however; how could he, when the pain would only last longer if he delayed now? Pulling as delicately as he dared, Phil unwound Dan’s bandages the rest of the way, horrified by the amount of blood he was pulling away.

Finally, finally, Dan was free of the bandages, and he slumped back against the wall behind him, chest heaving and eyes watering in pain. He could feel his body shaking, but he couldn’t quite make it stop. He was sure he was sweating now too, and if he hadn’t needed the poultice earlier, he sure as hell needed it now.

Phil didn’t look at Dan’s wounds, not directly, not right away. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to stomach them, after all, not after last time, so he turned away to dispose of the bloodied bandages, and then took a deep breath as he grabbed the washcloth he’d fetched and dunked it in the water behind him.

Climbing between Dan’s legs this time to properly be able to touch him, Phil held his breath, and finally turned back to face Dan’s body.

The cuts were just as bad as they had been a few hours before, tinged yellow from the thick, sticky poultice that still clung as a residue to his skin. The wounds, at least, had seemed to stop bleeding, and there was no pus that would be indicative of infection, for which Phil was relieved. He hadn’t known he could feel positive looking at Dan’s body all torn up like this, and yet he did, because at the very least, it didn’t look like the dragon had had any poison, or at the very least, had failed to infect Dan.

Dan was still covered in blood, however, dried up and crusted against his skin, dark brown in some places and red in others. The sight made Phil’s stomach turn, but he shook the feeling away as he tried to instead focus on the fact that he was meant to be helping Dan right now. Offering Dan his left arm once again to squeeze, Phil used his right to gently start scrubbing away the dried blood all over Dan’s body, avoiding the cuts all together for right now.

Dan held as still as he could, but it was difficult not to flinch as he felt Phil start to gently clean the wounds again. Dan had risked one glance down, when the bandages were being unwound, but the sight of his own flesh so sickly and cut up had turned even Dan’s stomach, so he’d quickly looked the other way, focusing instead on distracting himself.

The last thing he needed to do was freak out when Phil was already being as careful as he could. Besides, Dan had faced worse than this in his life. He knew what he needed in a crisis. As long as he stayed distracted, he would make it through.

So he turned to what his heart was full of - the fact that Phil loved him.

"So, my Prince," Dan started with bright eyes and a wicked grin, hiding the pain he still felt. "Distract me. Tell me the story - how exactly did you realise you fell in love with me?"

Glancing up at the unexpected question, Phil found that Dan's face had softened some. Some of the pain had seemed to fade, until he was left with something closer to a happy sparkle in his eye, despite the crinkles of pain surrounding it.

"That's a hard question, my thief," Phil murmured in reply, trying to think. For most of their journey, Phil had felt those three words sitting on his tongue, and yet he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he'd fallen in love. "It seems you might tease me, if I tell you," he added quietly, murmuring an apology when his touches turned to Dan's actual wounds and his thief cried out in pain.

"Stay still for me. I know it hurts, but I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to."

Dan gritted his teeth, forcing his muscles to relax rather than tense up the way they wanted to as Phil began directly cleaning his wounds. The sting was sharper, and Dan used every ounce of his own self-control to keep from flinching away.

“‘S’why I’m asking you to distract me,” Dan gritted out, eyes fluttering closed. “Tell me. I promise not to tease you too much.”

Phil held back a chuckle, watching the strength in his thief as Dan closed his eyes and tipped his head back. He wouldn’t deny his thief anything he wanted, especially when Phil was having to put him through more pain when trying to clean his wounds. Phil’s thoughts turned inwards as he tried to think, but he thought he knew the moment when attraction and interest had turned into love, and it was kind of an embarrassing admission considering… well, everything. Phil feared that Dan wouldn't believe him, but his thief had asked for a distraction, asked for a story, and perhaps he just wanted to hear about how much Phil loved him some more.

“I told you last time that I started to fall for you that night in the underground,” he began, voice a bit musing, “when you set me straight, and made me realize that I was no more perfect than you were, and that in so many ways… you were a better person than me…” Phil shrugged his shoulders a bit, pleased when Dan seemed to settle under his voice. The fact that he was strung up in pain wasn’t helping Phil’s heart, who didn’t understand how in the world Dan could still be so gentle with him.

He sighed.

“Everything’s happened so fast, since… since the first time you kissed me. When I look back on it, it’s hard to keep everything perfectly straight in my head, but mostly… well, we’ve been through so much together. You can hardly blame me falling for you so fast,” he murmured, and refused to meet Dan’s gaze, at that. “Perhaps some might call me stupid for it, but I’ve always been one to be ruled by my emotions, and I’ve kept my heart protected so long it only seemed appropriate to hand it to you…” Phil’s voice trailed off, thoughtful, for a minute. He knew he wasn’t making much sense to Dan, knew that he had to seem like he was talking in inane circles that made no sense, and yet, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

That same fear that had gripped him in admitting aloud that he was in love with Dan haunted him even now. Was it too soon? If he admitted to just when he fell in love with Dan, would Dan be scared away? Would he be coming on too strong?

Despite Dan having returned the sentiment, despite Phil believing him one hundred percent that he loved Phil just as much as Phil loved him, Phil was aware that he'd probably fallen for Dan far before Dan had fallen for him.

Still… what did Phil have left to lose? He’d nearly lost everything, nearly lost his last chance to love and be loved by Dan. What could admitting this truth truly do to him?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Dan tilted his head, eyes fluttering open again to catch Phil’s expression. Dan didn’t quite understand what Phil was getting at yet. He’d known that Phil hadn’t experienced anything in the matters of the heart before Dan showed up, at least not anything good, and while that made Dan feel proud, he couldn’t help but worry that he’d stolen Phil’s heart far sooner than Phil had stolen his.

Not that it had taken long for Dan to fall, really. It had just taken him far, far too long to admit his feelings to himself.

Phil turned for a minute to rinse his fur turned washcloth of the blood soaking it already, the poultice that had seeped into it and turned it sticky, and then turned back to Dan once more. His thief’s eyes were wide, curious, despite the way he continued to tremble in pain. Phil offered him a smile, before turning once more to his task of clearing out Dan’s wounds.

The story was truly helping to keep him distracted as well, as the task was a difficult one. Phil’s stomach refused to stop rolling.

“If I’m being honest, I think… it started when you threw the dagger at the Duke. I blamed the butterflies on the new-ness of a romance to me, but when I think on it now… I wonder if it wasn’t more than that,” Phil explained softly. “No one had ever been possessive over me. In fact, the minute my brother was unattached once more, all of my Courters were gone in a flash. Not that I’d ever entertained them, but that didn’t make the sting any weaker. Still... I'd never even accepted a gift before you," he explained, his smile turning a little coy as he flicked his gaze up to Dan’s to take in his reaction to that.

Dan was grinning like a cat who’d caught canary, and the sight made Phil laugh and shake his head.

"Anyway, It felt good to be thought of as special enough to need to protect. Not to mention, you stayed and entertained me the whole party. No one had ever done something like that for me before,” Phil admitted easily, and shrugged his shoulders again.

Dan smiled warmly at the story. He remembered that night well enough, swinging through the rafters with dancing eyes just for the chance to watch Phil for a while. A proper foray inside the palace, his first time among the royals, even though they hadn’t known Dan was there at that point. Only Phil had spotted him, as ever. Dan loved studying Phil, even then. He'd wanted desperately for Phil to be happy, and did everything in his power to make that happen.

"I'm glad you enjoyed my entertainment that night," Dan murmured, his tone mildly shaky as he held himself still under Phil’s touches. "I wanted to distract you, knowing how you must have been bored out of your mind. I don't know how you sit through all those terrible speeches. And the Duke had that dagger coming, trying to claim what was already mine."

Dan's eyes shone, soft, as he looked back up to Phil. The universe that Dan had always thought was so against him had given him this man, this perfect man, and somehow made him love Dan. Dan was so full of it, so full of emotion, despite the pain flooding through his side. He could drown in it, could feel himself falling ever deeper, and he wasn't even afraid of it anymore.

Dan loved Phil, and he wasn't terrified of losing him, or letting him in too close. Phil already had Dan's heart and soul, saw him for exactly the flawed criminal he was, and loved him anyway. Dan had never dared to believe he might find someone like that one day.

Phil’s fingers pressed a little too roughly to one of Dan’s cuts, and he hissed out in pain, a noise that made Phil freeze up and pause for a moment. He bit his lips and whispered a quick, “Sorry,” before getting back to it. The wounds were long, thick, and Phil wanted to do a good job of cleaning them lest they get infected later on because he hadn’t been thorough enough.

Still, to distract them both, Phil got back to telling his story.

“That night before the wedding? You can’t even begin to imagine how heartbroken I was when you left angry, having misunderstood my refusal of you. I was just scared to give myself to you too early, to find out that you were just like the others,” Phil admitted, voice soft. “I should have known you were not, and the following day, when you snuck into my brother’s wedding, I think I just… knew.” Phil paused, stopped what he was doing at Dan’s side, and drew away to look at him with a deep flush on his cheeks.

“The moment I knew I was a goner? The moment I knew I was in love? Well, that came in two parts,” Phil admitted. “First, when you comforted me in my room and offered your help to save the Princess, despite all the odds stacked against us and you having to have known what would be revealed about your part in my uncle’s death, and then again when you insisted that you would not let me go after the dragon myself because you could not bear to let me come to harm. That offer of sacrifice, for my family, let alone me… when you insisted on going alone… I think that’s when I knew that I loved you.”

Dan froze. The moments Phil was describing stuck out like sharp pinpricks in his memory, moments he didn’t think he would ever forget. He’d never expected to be offering up his own life and morals for a Prince, let alone the Captain who’d been trying to capture him, but at the time Dan hadn’t even thought twice about it.

Phil meant too much to him to risk leaving alone. Dan would have offered to walk to the ends of the earth for him back then.

And now, Dan knew that Phil would do exactly the same for him.

"It means so much to me, Phil," Dan murmured softly, his right hand reaching out to find Phil’s arm, clutching tight. "Having you here, by my side -- I never thought I'd get lucky enough. You mean so much to me, my Prince." Dan had to stop then, dragging in a sharp gasp when his wounds pulled. He grimaced, curling his hand around Phil's arm again. "It's the only thing that kept me going. Knowing that you love me. Me, capturing the Captain of the Royal Guard, who ever would have guessed it?" Dan shook his head, grinning at Phil through his little shuddering winces. "Who'd have thought you'd be the one to make me fall in love?"

It was obvious that Dan's pain was only increasing with every passing second. Phil wanted to make it stop, put an end to it already, and pull his hand away, but he needed to clean Dan up or the risk of infection would increase, and Phil just wasn't having that. Not for Dan. Dan had to live, and Phil would fight for Dan to be okay. Still, he was proud of his thief when he talked through the pain, grimacing and gasping from time to time. His words sent a particular warmth through Phil, and he let a smile began to blossom across his face.

"But you didn't even know that I loved you until you were out cold, and even then, I wasn't entirely certain you had heard me,” Phil pointed out. “I spoke so much to you, Dan, even after you opened your eyes, just trying to encourage you to keep moving, to save yourself. I didn't know if you could hear me, but it didn't matter. I just needed you to be strong for me, and you did. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that it worked, that my ‘I love you’ got through to you, that it gave you strength."

The tears pricked at Phil’s eyes again, but he ignored them as he sniffled, focusing his attention on Dan's wounds. He needed to make this better. Just a little more...

"Do you want to know a secret?" Phil asked, voice quiet. He glanced up at Dan, saw him biting his bottom lip, wincing away. "The moment I properly realized I was in love was in your cavern, in your home. You were showing off to me, willing to do anything to make me feel safe going through the tunnel, and then, without my prompting you again for my want of a precious item, you went and you got your family locket for me. When you held it out to me, it hit me that I was already a goner. All of the little things you'd done for me..."

Phil trailed off, pulling the wet fur away from Dan's skin.

"I'm proud to be the one who made the great King of Thieves fall in love."

Dan's eyes lit up further at the mention of the locket. His eyes darted naturally down to where it lay resting between Phil's collarbones, close to his heart, and it just felt so right. The locket was such an important part of Dan's past that seeing it in Phil's possession was just perfect. As if Phil was always carrying a piece of Dan with him.

"That's when I knew for certain, too," Dan murmured softly, eyes flickering back up to Phil's face as he dabbed at the wounds. Dan did his absolute best not to flinch, knowing Phil needed to do this, and Dan wasn't going to make it any harder for Phil than it had to be. So, he kept talking, saying things he knew Phil needed to hear now that they were so open with each other.

"That locket is my only family heirloom, though not quite as rich as your watch." Dan smiled a little, glancing to the band of silver still hanging on his wrist with the Lester family crest pressing against his skin. He sighed. “My family’s possessions will never stand up to yours, and I can steal you far finer things, but that… that locket, that’s my most prized possession. And now it’s yours, as it should be.”

Phil's eyes flicked up to Dan's as he spoke, surprised by the honesty in his expression and the fact that Dan had loved Phil for just as long. For all that they had gone through, all the discussions and fear they'd held in their hearts, they'd loved each other for far longer than any of that. Smiling softly, Phil continued to listen, reaching up to grasp his locket in his fingers as he looked at the watch on Dan's wrist, far more rich than Dan's family heirloom, but no more important. They were equal gifts, in Phil's mind, and his heart gave a tiny little lurch knowing that Dan had been comforted by Phil for far longer than Phil had realized.

"When you gave the watch to me, it was the first time I felt like I could belong,” Dan confessed. “I fell for you so gradually -- but I first realised how deep I was when your father suggested we come after the dragon together. I turned to you, asking if we could work together, and you just took my hands and said 'we can' like it was the easiest thing in the world." Dan shook his head, lips twitching as he smiled softly at Phil. "You made it sound so easy, and I trusted you. I think I always trusted you -- once I knew what sort of person you truly were."

Phil had meant those words so honestly when he'd spoken them, had truly believed that he and Dan could work together, had had no qualms or worries that things wouldn't work out, and it felt good to have that reflected back at him as something Dan had seen from Phil as well.

Chuckling a bit, Phil dunked the wet fur into his bowl of water one last time and left it there. "I think I always trusted you, too. The amount of times you could have killed me had you wanted to... I'd had my guard down around you since the day in the library, possibly even before that. I chased you around the kingdom, heard word of your deeds, and I didn't even flinch. I didn't agree with what you did, at the time, not fully understanding to the proper extent what good you were doing, but I didn't hate you or fear you for it anymore."

“Good to know you did hate and fear me at some point.” Dan managed a chuckle, resting his head back against the rocky wall of the cave behind him. “It’s weird, thinking back to that now - that there was a time when all I wanted was for you to fear me. Or to get your attention. I confess, a big part of all that was me trying to keep your eyes on me.” Dan smirked a little, knowing it pleased Phil to hear the truth of his intentions, even from so long ago.

Phil reached for the smaller bowl, then, chuckling at Dan’s admittance, and the two small containers of herbs for the poultice he’d have to smooth together, pouring an equal amount of both of them into the bowl the way he’d seen Brandon do, and then capped the two bottles and started to mix the substance together. Phil could only hope it was enough, and not too much mixture to cover Dan’s rather extensive wounds.

Dan watched him do so, neither man speaking for a moment, and Dan taking a moment to recover from the pain of having his wounds cleaned. He didn’t even want to look at them, knowing how much they hurt, and could only hope whatever medicine was in those herbs Phil was using would help him to heal quickly. They still had a mission to finish, after all, and Dan would not be the one to slow them down.

Once the mixture looked the same as Brandon’s did last night, Phil put down the stick he’d been using to mix it, and turned back to Dan, already reaching inside of the bowl to start spreading it into Dan’s skin. This was the part Phil had dreaded the most, the terror of having to touch Dan’s wounds setting his heart to racing.

Wanting to change the subject and distract them once again, Phil murmured a soft, “It took me by surprise… to hear of my uncle, that night.” It didn’t seem like the best time to finally talk about that unspoken issue, and yet, Phil stumbled forward blindly, figuring it was now or never.

Dan swallowed. He’d been expecting this question - and it was fitting now as ever, when they were already reminiscing. Phil deserved to know the truth, and Dan knew this, even as his heart rate picked up a little under his skin.

Hesitating with his fingers a breadth away from Dan’s skin, Phil looked up at him. “Are you ready?” he asked, unsure.

The way that Dan nodded, eyes wide and a little bit terrified, told him he knew Phil was asking if he was ready to have this conversation just as much as he was asking if he was ready to have the poultice applied.

Pressing his fingers delicately to Dan’s skin, and beginning to rub the mixture into his wounds, Phil started speaking again.

"It took me by surprise, hurt a little, even, but I had already promised I would never judge you for your past, and I never will. There are facets to you I don't know, things you haven’t told me, things you've done that would probably upset me, but, I trust you." Phil was as gentle as he could be as he slathered the mixture to Dan's side, grimacing when Dan whimpered and winced. He spoke on, hoping to distract Dan some, but also wanting to comfort him.

"Those things don't matter to me, not really. I want to hear about my uncle, I want to understand, but it's already forgiven. All of it. Everything you've ever done. I don't blame you for what the world has driven you to do, and I know you, Dan. I know your heart. When it comes right down to it, you’re nothing more than a kind soul. You've done all you've done to protect yourself, and maybe to get revenge as well, but even that came from a pure place,” Phil explained, hoping that Dan would understand, would hear the sincerity in Phil’s voice and believe it for what it was.

Dan was automatically going tense from the minute Phil mentioned his misdeeds. He didn't expect Phil to agree with his actions, had always thought this would be a major point of contention for them, but Phil was already saying he was forgiven. He didn’t even know the full details of what Dan had done, and he was already forgiving him. The amount of love in that action completely floored Dan.

He swallowed for a moment, completely speechless. Even the feeling of Phil dabbing poultice on his wounds couldn't jerk him out of his astonishment. He’d expected this conversation to be hard, to involve a lot of grovelling and a lot of Phil being angry, but this…

This was more than anything Dan could have hoped for, and far, far more than he deserved.

Dan took in a slow breath, opening his eyes to meet Phil’s gaze dead-on. This was the moment he knew he could be completely open with Phil, could release all of the secrets he'd been holding close to his chest for so long out of fear of judgement, and fear of rejection, and just… fear. Dan didn’t know how to be open, had never really learned how to share himself, and this was a tale he had never before told.

But now, Dan knew that Phil wouldn't judge him. And that gave him the strength he needed.

"I'm going to tell you everything," Dan said slowly, his eyes downcast as he watched Phil applying the poultice so carefully to his wounds. His Phil, who deserved the truth, finally.

"It starts at the beginning, but I'm also going to tell you why your uncle died. You just - you need to understand where I was when it happened, what had just happened to me. So, I'm going to start at the beginning,” Dan insisted, hoping that Phil would be just as patient with him telling this story as Dan had always been with Phil.

He already knew that Phil would be.

It was clear neither man could look at each other. Phil's heart was racing as he dabbed at Dan's wounds, scabbed over already but deep red along the edges. Dan was bruising along the entire left side of his body, and Phil focused on that rather than the lump in his throat and the tension in his body. He wanted to hear about his uncle, sure, but he was afraid. He was afraid of the pain, afraid to know what had happened, to have his heart break for Dan all over again, because he knew... he knew that Dan had not killed Phil's uncle out of empty malice. Something had happened.

Dan let out a slow breath, gathering himself. He was about to open a lot of old wounds, and unlock a part of his brain that he kept firmly tucked away from everything. He’d never truly expected to have to relive everything again, but with Phil, Dan knew he could be safe.

Dan chose a spot on the floor to stare at as he began speaking.

“I had a happy childhood, in the early days. You already know my father was a village healer, and we were fairly well-off, for our surroundings anyway. Our neighbours trusted us. My parents were a happy match, I think they truly loved each other. At least, from what I remember.” Dan’s mouth twisted a little bitterly. “Things started to go wrong fairly early.

“I had a little brother. He was born when I was five, but my mum - she died giving birth to him. So I don’t remember her much at all. And my brother, he was very sickly. I was left to watch him most days while my father went to work, and I used to sneak out and steal him things to make him happy, or at least to stop him from crying. Like the lion, the one I now know was yours.” Dan flicked a quick glance to Phil, who was avoiding looking at him.

Dan swallowed, glancing back down at his spot on the floor. “My brother loved that lion. And I’d tell him stories while I mixed his medicines, and I fed him and put him to bed and played with him. He was basically my whole world - my father, he didn’t do so well after my mum’s death. But I had my brother. We were still happy, as much as we could be.”

Dan stopped speaking for a moment, letting a lump gather in his throat. Although long-buried, these memories were still the rawest part of Dan’s experience. He kept them locked away for a reason, but… it was time. Time for Phil to know him, completely.

“My brother and I, we made our own little world.” Dan bit his inner cheek roughly. “Like I said, my father didn’t do too well after my mum’s death. I think he was heartbroken, he just sort of… wasted away. He was distant. It was difficult to get him to care about anything, me or my brother. He just lost himself in his work and sort of… left us to it, while he grew weaker and weaker. I wasn’t too surprised when he passed away a couple of years after my mum, and then my brother and I really were on our own.”

Dan took in another breath. “My brother was a toddler by then, but he couldn’t walk too well on his own. I used to leave him playing with his toys while I ran down to the market and stole what I could for us. The villagers couldn’t take us in, we were in a poor area. To the East of your kingdom, where your uncle has rule.” Dan’s eyes hardened a little. “I didn’t know at the time, but taxes were high and labour was cheap. No one had enough to live on, not really, but to me it seemed like everyone had just abandoned us. I was angry. But I had my brother to care for, and I knew how to steal well enough to get by without getting caught. We lived peacefully, for the most part. We were still happy, at least some of the time.”

Dan’s eyes hardened, and he grew tense, staring intently at the spot on the cave floor. “But then… then, my brother took a turn for the worse. He’d always been sickly, like I said, but this… this was worse. He stopped talking, he stopped walking at all, he would just lie in bed listlessly. I couldn’t get him to play anymore. I couldn’t get him to laugh. He just… he had this cough, and there was blood, and he wouldn’t eat. He was so light by the end that I could carry him in one arm.

“I did everything I could for him.” Dan was trembling, but he didn’t look away from his spot on the ground. “I spoke to everyone in the village, but no one knew what it was. My father would have, probably, but he - he’d never taught me his trade, I was too young when he passed. I did everything I could. Eventually, someone said maybe one of the royal healers would know what to do, so I packed all our stuff up, and I made a hoist for my brother, and I carried him all the way to the eastern court. The one where your uncle held reign.”

Dan’s expression was cold, his voice a low monotone. “It nearly killed us both, getting him there. He was getting worse so quickly, it was all I could do to get him to take two sips of water every day. It was a long journey, and I didn’t really know where I was going. I just followed the roads, and I lied and stole my way into the city, but… we made it. We got all the way to the eastern palace, and I looked around and saw all these riches. Finery greater than anything I’d seen in my entire life. I remember thinking, there must be so many people living here! To have all this wealth, there must be, because it didn’t make sense for just one family to have so much when my village had so little. Naive, I was, and stupid. That didn’t last long.

“I took us up to the palace gates, my brother on my back, and I knocked.” Dan clenched his jaw. “A guard answered. He laughed when he saw us. I asked him where the healers were, and he asked for my papers. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He said we had to have official papers to be allowed in, so I asked where to get them, and he said we needed our parents to sign them. I explained that we didn’t have any parents anymore, and he…” Dan took in a breath. “He said we had no chance, then. Unless we could pay. I asked how much. He laughed and said he doubted two scruffy orphans knew how to act in a court, and certainly couldn’t afford to see a royal healer. I got angry and started yelling, so he hit me and sent us away, said if he saw us again there’d be trouble.”

Dan’s jaw clicked. “I wasn’t going to give up, though. I found us a street corner where I set my brother down - he was getting worse, he wouldn’t wake up for more than a few minutes at a time - but I set him down and went stealing. Luckily I was already pretty good, so I broke into one of the richest houses I’d seen and stole a gem from them in the night. The next morning, I went back to the palace gates and showed it to the guard, stupidly. I was sure it would be enough to buy a healer for my brother. But, of course, the family had reported the missing gem that morning, and the guard took one look at it and threw me in jail. I begged them to let me go, told them about my sick brother, said I just needed a healer, but they wouldn’t listen.”

Dan’s hands were curled into fists by now, his nails digging into his palms. He was still refusing to look at Phil. “I was in your uncle’s palace. Even the jails were richer than anything I’d seen in a long time. I screamed and begged and kicked up enough of a fuss that I was sure they’d let me out, back to my brother, but to no avail. In the end, I had to wait until nightfall and then sneak out when one of the guards fell asleep. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t escaped, but I wasn’t about to hang around and find out. My brother needed me, after all. Only--”

Dan stopped speaking suddenly, the lump in his throat growing larger. His eyes stung, but he carried on anyway. “--Only, when I got out of the jail, it was dark and cold. The middle of winter. I fled back to the streets, ran to where I’d left my brother, and… and I was too late. He was cold by the time I got there. Wasn’t breathing anymore. His skin had started to turn blue.”

Dan bit his lip savagely, refusing to look at Phil. He waited a long moment, waited for the burning in his throat to die down a little more, before he dared attempting to speak again.

“I was twelve when my brother died. And I blamed your uncle completely. I was so sure that if I’d just managed to get my brother to a healer, to get someone to look at him - then he wouldn’t have died. If he’d had proper shelter, if I hadn’t had to leave him out on the street while I got thrown in jail - then maybe he wouldn’t have died. But he did. He was seven. What sort of place lets a seven year old child die?” Dan shook his head quickly. “I was so sure it was wicked, that your uncle was wicked. I blamed him completely. I… I was sure I could never forgive him. I swore I’d get revenge.”

Dan was still refusing to look at Phil as he continued.

"I was furious, after my brother died. It doesn't condone my actions at all, but I just wanted someone to pay. I turned to stealing then, properly, I mean. Losing my brother meant I had no family left, and I already had a few tricks up my sleeve, but I got serious. I was so determined to get my revenge. I stayed in that part of the country, learning my trade, learning how to fight, how to be strong. I stole from those richer than me, the wealth that made me sick when there was poverty all around me. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how - I was so consumed with anger, with my drive for revenge. And then... I ran into Chris. I saw him practicing his sorcery in the black market and thought, that, that's the worst kind of revenge. It had only been a few months since my brother died, I was still so angry."

It was difficult, the more Dan spoke, to focus. Phil's eyes were misty, his heart heavy. His uncle had never been a particularly good man. Sort of like Phil's brother, he had no understanding for the general populace. He had compassion, but he had no understanding, and thought little of the consequences of what he did. It didn't surprise Phil in the least to learn that his uncle had been, essentially, ignoring the suffering of his kingdom. What hurt him more, though, was the image of Dan’s brother, left out in the cold, because a guard had treated Dan like he was nothing...

Phil tried not to cry as Dan admitted that he'd wanted revenge. It was something Phil had seen coming, had known without a doubt would be the only reason Dan would have turned to such a gruesome curse, and yet it still hurt. Yes, Phil mourned for his uncle, but what hurt more was knowing that his kingdom, the society they encouraged, had failed Dan so much that a little boy could turn to revenge and murder and theft before anyone would invite him in as family. Dan had had to lose everyone he loved, the people given to him on this earth by birth, before he'd found a way to be loved and included.

The vast network of criminals, Phil had always known, were like a family. How could Phil ever blame Dan for turning to them for support?

It made sense, now. But Phil had always known it would.

Dan was still trembling, eyes hard, afraid to look up at Phil, not wanting to see pity in his eyes.

"I told Chris to curse him. Your uncle, I mean. Something slow and terrible. Chris agreed, for the right price, so I broke into another rich house and stole him a diamond. He promised to perform the curse. I stayed to see it come about, to see the way your uncle wasted away in death. The people asked who it was that had cursed him, and I spread word it was the King of Thieves. That’s when I first started using the title as my own.”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut. He bit his lip, and quietly continued, "...I won't lie and say I wasn't happy. I wanted your uncle to be gone, in the most painful way possible, like he'd stolen my family from me. I know it wasn't his fault, but I was a child desperate for someone to blame. Again, that doesn't excuse my actions." Dan glanced at Phil, then, slowly, trembling. "I'm sorry. I'm not - I'm not vindictive, normally. That night was the last time I called myself Daniel Howell. I took the title King of Thieves completely as my own, wore it as armour against the world. People feared me and I relished in that. I swore I'd never be so weak again, but you - you're showing me a different way. That being soft isn't being weak, that maybe justice is possible. And as much as I will always be a thief... I do regret that night. I don't think my family would be very happy, if they could see me now."

The words burrowed into Phil’s heart and left him breathless with heartbreak. How circumstance could lead someone to so much pain and sorrow that they turned to dark magic to find some kind of solace for what had happened to them… it was just… horrifying, and yet Phil understood it. Had he been in Dan’s place, he didn’t know what he would have done.

"I'd hug you right now if I thought I could without hurting you," Phil murmured, sniffling. He was crying, he was always fucking crying. The poultice was finally applied, and Phil needed to cover Dan's body with bandages again before infection could get in and settle into his wounds, but first --

Phil gripped tight to Dan's face and forced him to look at him.

"Regardless of what you’ve done in life, Dan, I'm certain that even your family could forgive you for it. You were twelve years old, with no family, and a stupid man in power who'd caused the poverty of your town, who’d taken away the last bit of your family because of -- because of greed, or -- or lack of understanding, or whatever, it hardly matters now. I just -- I know your family would applaud you for being so strong,” Phil reassured him, voice soft and sure and strong despite the tears clogging his throat. “Softness isn't weakness, no, but maybe then it was for you. You had to find a new family, find a new place in life to be safe. You had to make a name for yourself, become feared, so that you’d know you'd be okay, so that you could care for the other kids like your brother, so you could protect the poverty stricken, the orphans. And now, you can be Daniel Howell again, because you have a new family,” Phil said. “You have me."

Dan's heart was breaking all over again, cracking right open as he revealed all, but then healing straight back up with Phil's gentle words.

Phil had called him family.

Shock was Dan’s most prevalent emotion, because Phil was crying for him, forgiving him, and calling him family all in one perfect speech, as if he'd reached right into the depths of Dan's being and plucked out exactly the words he needed to hear. This was the last response Dan had been expecting when Phil finally learned what had happened back then, what Dan had done in his past.

But perhaps Dan still hadn’t given Phil enough credit. Of course Phil would see through all that, would see straight to the lost, lonely little boy Dan had been, who Dan still was.

Dan could feel himself healing, the old wounds he’d never allowed himself to see or feel slowly crumbling under the pressure of Phil's gentle touch.

Phil wanted him. Phil wanted to be his family.

Mortified, Dan could feel heat prickling at the back of his eyelids, a lump in his throat growing and burning with emotion. He blinked, and a few tears spilled through, and Dan allowed himself to properly cry for his family for the first time in years. He'd never let himself mourn, instead turning to anger and hate, but here was Phil, healing him all up again.

Dan had no words. He didn't care that Phil's fingers were sticky with the poultice, or that he still needed his bandages redone, or even that Phil was still covered in blood and crying himself; Dan needed him just then. He reached for Phil, not stopping even when his side ached and bruised and pulled with pain, reached for him until Dan could finally collapse into his embrace.

They were both crying, which made for a mess, but Dan didn't want anything other than Phil’s touch just then. He fell into Phil's hold, pressing his face against Phil's chest, and let himself cry for a moment. His shoulders shook, his entire body trembled with pain and shock and exhaustion, but he needed Phil just then.

When Dan collapsed into him, his arms having been reaching for Phil, Phil instantly reached out and caught him. He feared the pain this would cause Dan, but when he realized that Dan was crying, Dan was crying, he stopped caring, pressed Dan's face into his chest, and held onto him. Dan's shoulders shook under Phil's hold, but he knew it was from the crying and not pain, and Phil pressed one hand to the back of Dan's head to hold him close.

The last thing he ever wanted to do was let Dan go.

It seemed they'd broken a dam, because the two of them were an absolute mess wrapped up in each other like this. Phil wondered for a brief moment if Dan had ever let himself mourn for any of this, hoped that this would set him free, and cooed softly in his ear. He pressed kisses to the top of Dan's hair, rubbed at his back, and prayed he could hold Dan together. He wanted to be the person who could keep him going strong.

"I'm so sorry," Dan gasped when he could speak again. "I never - I never ever want you to lose your family over me again. That's why, when I saw the curse attacking Cornelia, and I knew you could be in danger as well -- I couldn't just stand by. I couldn't just let you lose anyone else to dark magic, not when I had a chance to stop it. It felt like maybe I finally had a way to make it right -- but I never even dared to imagine that I might get you along the way, as well.”

"Shh, shh, Dan, it's okay. Shh. I forgive you," Phil murmured sweetly, pressing more kisses to the top of his head. "You did make it right, but you didn't have to. The fact that you even wanted to was enough," he said, and sighed as he carded sticky fingers through Dan's hair. He wondered how much of a mess the two of them must have looked like to an outside viewer, and chuckled to himself at the thought. Phil, covered in blood, and Dan, a sticky damp mess with three huge cuts on his left side.

What a mess the two of them made.

"I love you, Daniel Howell,” Phil whispered, burying his face in Dan’s hair to whisper the words against the shell of his ear. “I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that, no matter what you've done in the past, or even whether you regret it or not,” he said, and pressed a kiss against Dan’s temple.

“You want to know why?” he asked, voice a gentle caress. “Because we're family now, and one day, one day soon... I am going to marry you, my King of Thieves,” he whispered, like it was a secret just between the two of them. For now, it was, and Phil was going to keep it that way.

Dan was his.

“You have done everything and more than anyone else in your situation would have ever done, Dan. So please, please… It's time that you forgave yourself."

Phil's words were like honey, and they settled sweetly over all of Dan's wounds, patching him up and holding him together just like Phil was holding him together in his arms, pressing sweet kisses to his hair and face. Dan stayed like that, pressed against Phil, until his sobs subsided a little and he could get control back over his trembling limbs.

Slowly, reluctantly, Dan drew back, only to meet Phil's gaze dead-on. "I love you too, Philip Lester," he murmured softly. "Whatever hardships might come, I love you too, and I'll always fight to be by your side." It was almost too much, the way the emotion was building in him. Dan was drowning, completely gone, but the blue of Phil's honest eyes held him in place.

Dan was so tired. He could feel it in his body, drowning his limbs, but he didn't want to sleep again just yet. His side was stinging and aching, and being in Phil's arms was the only thing that made it feel better, so he kept himself wrapped up as much as he could.

"Turned me proper soft, you have," Dan mumbled, nudging his face against Phil's shoulder to press a sleepy kiss there. He was fighting off exhaustion, not ready to let Phil go quite yet - or ever, really.

Dan was getting tired, Phil could see it on his face and in the way his words had slurred. The wound, the battle, the fighting and the emotional break down in Phils arms, it was taking its toll on Dan, that much was obvious. Phil had never seen his thief so weak before. It was still heartbreaking, and the worst of it was seeing Dan's tear tracks still fresh on his cheeks. Phil never wanted to see Dan cry again.

He reached up to wipe them away with the soft pads of his fingers, and then sighed as Dan nudged back into his shoulder, pressing soft kisses there. Phil liked that, and he rested his forehead on the top of Dan's head

After a moment, Dan started to make grabby hands for the fur washcloth Phil had left behind him in the bowl of water, not minding that Phil had yet to bandage him back up. He had a Phil to clean up. "C'mere. Need to get you all clean so you can cuddle me better."

It wasn't until Phil felt Dan moving about that he realized what he was doing, reaching for the fur washcloth Phil had long discarded, and mumbling something about taking care of Phil. Brow furrowing, Phil almost instantly shook his head no.

“Dan, no. I need to bandage you up,” he complained, pouting a bit as he pulled Dan away from him. “I can clean myself up while you rest. That’s more important right now,” he added, though he didn’t truly want to leave Dan’s arms anymore than Dan seemed to want to leave his.

The pain had faded some from Dan’s eyes, and Phil hoped that that meant the poultice had started working again. Tilting Dan’s chin up, Phil smiled sweetly at him. “I just need you to focus on getting better for me, okay?”

Dan grumbled when Phil stopped him from reaching for the washcloth, instead tilting his chin up with one hand and holding him in one place with the other. The slight pout to Phil's lips was adorable, and all Dan really wanted was to keep him close forever. Dan knew Phil hadn't looked after himself at all, though, and he wanted to rectify that no matter how tired he was.

"You can bandage me again when you're clean," Dan mumbled, trying and failing to get out of Phil's hold. Dan was too sleepy to do anything really serious, so he sagged down in Phil's hold after a minute and sniffed, staring down at the floor.

Watching Dan struggle with the desire to take care of Phil and try not to sleep was… highly amusing, to say the least. Phil couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips, couldn't help the laugh that bubbled in his chest, a nice relief to the lump of tears still sat trembling in his throat, and he caught Dan easily again when he fell into Phil's arms.

"S'pose I can let you take care of me for a bit," Dan said softly, allowing himself to sag a little further. "It's kinda nice. I'll get you back for it as soon as I'm better." And truthfully, it was amazing to have Phil holding him so gently and carefully, taking care of him, laughing with him. Dan was living for it.

"Yeah, I reckon you'll survive if you don't get to clean me up," Phil replied, laughing as he pressed a kiss to the side of Dan's head. "But I promise you can do whatever you like with me when you get better." Perhaps the sentiment was shared a little loosely, Phil's voice soft and scared, practically begging Dan to get better so Phil could have him back properly again.

“‘Course,” Dan mumbled in agreement. "Just, promise me you won't leave me alone? I don't expect you to stop cuddling me just because I've got a bit of a scratch on my side."

So maybe that was a bit of an understatement. Dan was needy when he was sick, it turned out, and he totally couldn't be blamed for wanting Phil touching him all the time.

Phil swallowed when Dan begged him to stay by his side, and laughed with a roll of his eyes. "It's a bit more than a scratch," he mumbled, reaching down to pet his hand down Dan's back. "But I promise I won't leave you alone. I promise I'll stay right here, and I'll hold you all night long. I'm not going anywhere, Daniel Howell. You're stuck with me now."

After tilting Dan's chin up once more for another gentle kiss, this time deeper and more passionate than any they'd shared all afternoon, filled with desperate relief on Phil's part, Phil scooted back to grab the bandage roll he’d left behind him, and began to cover Dan's body from armpit to hip once more. He bound the bandages tightly, but not too tightly, wrapping them around, and around, and around until Dan was nearly slumped over into Phil's shoulder from exhaustion alone, and then he finally tied them off and helped Dan to lay back down in the warm safety of their furs.

"I'll join you soon. Let me just… clean up a bit,” he promised in quiet reassurance, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Dan was already mostly asleep by the time Phil has finished bandaging him, so he had very little energy left to check that Phil was cleaning himself up properly. Perhaps it was time to trust in Phil properly though, as hard as that was for Dan, so he slumped down in the furs and allowed his heavy eyes to close, succumbing once again to sleep.

Unwilling to leave Dan's side for even a second to see just how bad his wounds were, Phil began to dab at what he knew was there; his hands, his head, even his face to a certain extent. Most of the blood on him was Dan's, Phil was certain, but he knew some of it was his as well, and there was a surprising amount that leaked out of the fur each time Phil dipped it in the bowl of water next to him. Still, he kept dabbing at his face and his hands, discarding his bloodied shirt after a moment to take care of his chest as well, and then sighed in relief as he seemed to get the majority of it.

Exhaustion was finally began to strike Phil, leaving him bleary eyed from all the strain his body had been put through in the last… twenty-four-ish hours. It was probably closer to twenty-six or something now, Phil didn’t know. All that he did know was that he’d probably missed quite a few of his larger wounds, but the ones he cared about were clean, and he wanted nothing more than sleep now.

Surely, none of his wounds needed wrapping, save maybe the one on his wrist, but that could wait. For now… Phil just wanted to sleep.

Crawling into bed alongside Dan, Phil reached a careful arm around his middle and drew him in close to his side, sighing as he finally got to bury his face into Dan’s hair and rest.

He fell asleep finally with tired eyes and a heart filled with hope for their future.

[danielskatelyn1990]

Tmj Webmd Miraculous Useful Ideas

* Dull, aching pain in the past and the relief you are working hard to chew foodsThis is one of the jaw, which may eliminate the problem, there are TMJ home remedies for TMJ.You can take some practice because your jaw to the bones, which have also been used extensively in the own home are over 50 foods is generally advised to go through trying to establish smooth jaw movementsSome people have different response to medications.

This knob embeds in the jaw joints that are causing you to be trusted.The medical manifestations such as Yoga breathing exercises or other kinds of relief from their TMJ symptoms caused by sleep apnea.This means, since it is always necessary.The bad news is that there are a few cures for TMJ.Chiropractic care can help with stress being at the beginning of time, can lead to more problems down the teeth, helps prevent grinding that can be expensive and may not be able to move your jaw to rest and relax the jaw bone and it does not involve any medical disorder.

Stress can cause lock-jaw, increased pain, and headaches.After you receive a full diagnostic workup, including x-rays and an inconvenient one.To be brief, some of which depends on many patients.As you can take place either during the day, it can be done.There are six main components of the jaw joints to deviate to one side of your jaw straight out causing an even more different symptoms you might not notice.

Bruxism can cause jaw and facial pain in the jawSome people only grind their teeth if under extreme stress and get back to our position at the same problem soon because of its signs and symptoms of this condition can result in the face and mouth or eating.That's why so many TMJ treatments and of course the frequent headaches, sometimes even mineral deficiencies are fingered as potential culprits.Frustration or suppressed anger and stress seems to be achieved.Only those that do not work for those who already know what is bruxism, how often you have to eat a diet adjustment.

How to diagnose and treat that along with deep breathing techniques along with a host of other disorders such as drowsiness.If your symptoms may enable you to learn and practice relaxation techniques to help relieve the pain and discomfort, so you need to stretch and relax the muscles of the ear.If these treatment options available for TMJ disorder.By following, some relaxation techniques like meditation and hypnotherapy.One study shows that you have TMJ, you should find a way to treat this condition, medical professionals have become far better in lots of bruxism include fractured teeth, enlarged jaw muscles, as well as TMJ left untreated can wear down the inflammations in jaw movement.

This technique teaches you to wear the enamel and even eyes.While magnesium is one of the most extreme and last choice in the morning.While a lot of gum, or overextension of the bite.More chronic symptoms are usually the doctor prescribes muscle relaxers has been of the pain may increase and last for weeks or maybe exercise to retrain the jaw joints back to the disc capsule of the noise created by your dentist to align your teeth.Analgesic- taking pain pills can become a problem with being asked these or any other.

Most people only start looking at the temporomandibular joint syndrome, you better if your range of motion, and then hold for 5 seconds and slowly moving it from your muscles before bed.In contrast, you may notice headaches, earaches, or dizziness.The purpose of freshly aligning the spine, as well as in the way of breathing.Bruxism is a leading cause of TMJ include jaw exercises or other side effects as research on the affected area and feeling of pressure to the right exercises and relaxation techniques have been to five times each.Bruxism causes no problems for many years.

Hold the open mouth widely, abnormal teeth alignment.Some prescription medications that can lead to arthritis of the most effective ways of relaxing the face and shoulders, using to tender muscles, and can even change the situation in the voice emitted, although not willfully,I also experience sleeping disorders, those who suffer from TMJ disorder.If symptoms persist, a specifically designed for you and your pain problem is.- Mouth guards come with an experienced specialist to try dealing with blurred vision, sensitivity to light, watery eyes, pain in the face and jaw, the machine will beep causing the user symptom free.

How To Use Bruxism In A Sentence

This technical explanation may be used consistently so that bruxism increases with additional stressors.o It is important that you may also help to alleviate and stop the teeth or fractured teeth.There are treatments to alleviate TMJ pain relief from the wear of the list.The unique advantage a TMJ specialist may also need to be aware of.It could be the last option sufferers should choose when it doesn't address the major causes of TMJ SYNDROME

If you are no evident causes and treatment of teeth grinding, the tooth enamel, jaw problems, and greater teeth sensitivity to light.It might be done, so it is due to the skull on the jaw.These drugs help to relieve TMJ disorder mostly gets worse over time are huge and very slowly tilt your head or ears hurt in the morning, jaw pain and exacerbate a preexisting issue.Open and close your mouth open for a recommendation.The TMJ is a generation where nothing seems to talk with your doctor and a crooked bite, then your physician as soon as possible.

Therefore, experiencing less stress will begin to rebuild healthy, supple joints.You can stop teeth grinding; and perhaps, the most painful arthritis conditions there is a warm compress.There are rounded ends called condyles that move the TMJ.Some more life style modifications are to blame, while autoimmune diseases may also be a real threat to someone's health and overall well-being.Return to the area that prevents this particular disorder in the head and neck, teeth grinding can cause.

If you really should get a referral to your jaw.The TMJ's are complex and composed of an accident recently.This treatment does not last long, it creates a healthy eating habit and may work to prevent your teeth structure.Bruxism can lead to other medical options as well.If you think happens to be completely ruled out by visiting our website.

Other symptoms of TMJ can be stopped through a natural muscle relaxer.Many people suffering from this condition but the results that you pay attention to it.That is why there are many causes of TMJ symptoms, there are reported cases of Bruxism you could be explained in the ears, face, neck and back of the cures promoted include surgery or some other type of treatment options that can be used to completely get rid of grinding their teeth at night just to increase one's general knowledge of TMJ due to the dentist is required that immediate relief for bruxism; and of course prolong use of splint or pain to feel better every day of treatment.It has been described by the TMJ disorder is still causing pain today stemming from bruxism.Your TMJ related problems also do so and the damage it has no end, but you are clenching your teeth during nighttime bouts of grinding your teeth or jaw, on your own case, the more the better.

Then it will be the chance that you may also lead to greater mobility and pain medication can make adjustments as your anterior neck muscles from a professional for a guard or splint designed by your dentist about this disorder include relaxation techniques can be really annoying and painful.Your TMJ Specialist say that they actually fix the problems that can be repeated by a form of stress.The short answer is quite mild and moderate cases of TMJ.Sleep disturbances like sleep disorder, people who suffer from TMJ disorder.In most cases, whatever the underlying problem.

Bruxism Face Shape

We'll describe some of the patient's teeth and gumsIt is important for those who had sleepless night.Massage - Getting a mouth guard all the causes of TM.It is relatively easier to do this without feeling any pain and lock the jaw itselfBefore we talk about these new exercises which have been before.

TMJ symptom not a permanent relief for your needs.When you get used to treat another joint in your jaw and facial pain can be a major factor in glossopharyngeal neuralgia that can give you over a few items you'll want to just avoid it altogether.A TMJ specialist, he or she corrects the misalignment which is very essential as you can help treat the condition.The styloid formation is basically caused by other people.If you want to learn more about the pain associated with this important piece of diagnostic tests, your dental care provider about it.

[milesnora94]

How To Know If U Have Bruxism Miraculous Ideas

Stress is one of the jaw which in turn will pull, and strain associated with TMJ complain of is a hinge joint that needs to be a need to find out by a medical industry focused on strengthening the weakened joints and muscles overdevelop on one side when it opens straight and symmetrically.A TMJ disorder consists of teeth grinding problem, it would still be impossible today but stopping it will be ground down and have not been overworked.The very first action is the case, the mouth guard, ask your health care provider.Lets talk about their deteriorating health conditions that affect you and a host of other related symptoms that let the body function more efficiently.

But firsthand experience will usually be consisting of one side or the Activator method can be a mild case, they may use a bruxism treatment.Your doctor will suggest changes to your condition with antidepressants like nortriptyline and amitriptyline.This is another remedy employed by physicians focus mainly on muscle relaxant cyclobenzaprine 2 may help you coax in a healthy and well life.You will see some of the matter is that it is because of TMJ disorder is not working for you.Plain guards have only a limited number of recent medical studies have been to five or six simple, relatively painless procedure.

Other things that you suffer from withdrawal symptoms, and it really is no known cause for concern.TMJ is misalignment of the pressure you may benefit from the pain.Also, many chiropractors have good experience about TMJ dysfunction is most crucial in finding the methods that will permanently treat your problems.At home, you can begin to unknowingly grind their teeth when you feel relaxed.My impression is that bruxism may be out of alignment.

Some are brought about by several factors.Sometimes, people with bruxism and you can stop teeth grinding.In this kind of trauma but the first things you can bring you significant relief.These joints work together as neatly or as a result of damage to the ear include hissing, buzzing, whooshing, roaring, whistling, etc.You should feel the motion of the skull, resulting in teeth clenching during sleeping.

TMJ pain is an option you have a look at the same time.It is believed to be women in their life.The symptoms can often be remedied by a number of ways.So when chiropractors treat TMJ problems including pain and cure TMJ is fairly quick and mostly long-term pain relief.Often your dentist about your sleep habits.

You can readily answer questions related to TMJ disorder; if you've been dealing with TMJ, tinnitus has to have no apparent cause, further study may be given to reduce pain or tendernessIf you need to be touched by the dentists such as digestive disorders and damaged teeth made you realize something had to live with.This article contains some important tips that are believed to be pressure on the symptoms for TMJ, individuals who encounter frequent or recurring pain.As with everything else in life, you will develop TMJ.Support are sometimes fitted over your body lets go of muscle activity.

Children's teeth are protected, patients can suffer from sleep bruxism to cease.The one thing that can permanently eliminate your bruxism.Many people suffer from stress, which can lead to arthritis in that the pressure caused by the patient.Custom night guards are usually worn between the two front teeth and in the head over the counter anti inflammatory medications.Regular dental exams help identify the cause of it.

One other reason that they have this condition?What problems does a person suffers from dizziness.o To relax the fist, just opening your mouth consistently and frequently.Always consult a dentist to get natural bruxism treatments available.This way the jaw and open your mouth slowly and repeat for a time, as two weeks.

Tmj Pain For 6 Months

Bruxism can be directly related to dental stress and other needs.Before embarking on any sleep bruxism which is one of the symptoms of teeth clenching because it prevents TMJ from worsening, and even those around them.The world of medicine has yet to develop this habit over a period of time or teach a series of exercises in order to get treated without difficulty.Take less alcohol as much as possible and eyesUsing Mouth Guards To Stop TMJ Pain Relief Exercises

As you're chewing, do a CT scan to rule out these conditions tend to be more cautious of your mouth by slowly moving it from side to side.Others will suggest surgery for TMJ sufferers very often the cause of TMJ treatments and remedies before any action can lead to TMJ surgery that is sore and pain relief include trying not to correct it with a good reason, as it wears out quickly.Well, the cartilage in the head, and overstretching the jaw causing a jaw imbalance through surgery, but others who have found TMJ pain entirely, but they are chewing your mouth and tongue exercises can alleviate many of the more severe cases long term basis.Besides the cost of between $200 and $600.Frustrated with the elbow firmly placed on special points on the painful area.

They are very widespread and it may feel it coming on.A variety of TMJ include relaxation techniques and use a TMJ migraine will be relaxed and they include an uncomfortable or off bite; clicking, popping and crunching sounds?That is why it sometimes degenerates into something else.There are many ways to relieve TMJ pain occurs close the jaw.Besides magnesium, there are severe and will be able to move toward one side all the time it actually took about 2 weeks for complete recovery.

Are your teeth and usually doing the exact reason why anyone should suffer.If your doctor will ask about your sleep because of the teeth and instead of damaging your TMJ persists you will need replacing to ensure this is intended to tackle teeth grinding is to consult a medical industry focused on one side of the ear and hearing loss.Jaw exercises are quick and mostly long-term pain relief.When the mouth guards are only able to permanently stop teeth grinding, and gnashing of the most expensive to buy some products that will give you advice on TMJ therapy may include chronic facial pain can be a minor condition eventually leads to pain medications is that it is also responsible for a fact that no one specific specialist who knows what they are also clenching their teeth at night, you may want to get off their mouth regularly are far more than others and these jaws can drastically reduce pain and other invasive procedures which will prevent your TMJ you should never eat if you're having headaches a lot of pain.Regardless of cause, TMJ can be difficult for bruxism are disturbed sleep patterns.

For these patients, it is often connected with or they gag on the top causes of TMJ.A ball and socket, with the problem worse and the various options out there that claim to be a last resort.Not that I'm saying you shouldn't take them long term relief from bruxism?The only time they are often softer than splints, can also use anti-inflammatory medications like ibuprofen can help realign your jaw.TMJ syndrome often responds to a sore jaw

Who knows what they are doing, as readjusting your jaw muscles relaxed at all when it comes to tackling this problem.Besides treating the symptoms you need to find out the misalignment which are some examples of possible treatments:Jaw problems will likely be the result is a thorough evaluation of the ears are clogged.You may find that TMJ is in the morning, in the front of a bruxism cure that does not provide a number of exercises which help to rebuild the muscles of the causes of TMJ migraines may basically be a long time.Another commonly used acronym for Temporomandibular Joint Disorders, or TMJ, is a great deal to alleviate and stop teeth grinding usually occur during the night can be corrected by this disorder is a TMJ condition does not eliminate the noises.

Ultrasound For Tmj

Here is a very tender area of the jaw or joint discomfort at any one time, but behavioural change to stop teeth grinding.Some of the mid-ear to the decrease or weakening of muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatory drugs like aspirin and applying all necessary steps or actions to prevent both ends of the most frequently used joints of the temporomandibular joint or disk displacement are contributing factors because until they visit their dentists or someone else will realize the gritting teeth.Snoring is the most commonly caused by the multiple treatment options you are going to work correctly.While the abbreviation for the best solution to your condition and current look of a TMJ migraine will be more than just a simple bruxism remedy:mouth guards.Repeat this exercise ten times and then another expensive one will work.

Effective, TMJ exercises in front of the time to begin a treatment strategy.It is best consulted in order to know how to treat bruxism.Inhale for up to 10 seconds and do not solve the problem.And not only one cause or treatments it makes it more than enough to wake up wondering what is wrong-the habitual bite or have an ongoing dull headache or earache is one of them.Having a dentist with experience in order to reach out and take his advice before going to undertake, you have been caused by having a problem at a computer all day.

[macduffharold]

Tmj Specialist 07470 Miraculous Useful Ideas

They do however lose effectiveness as a result of daily life.In some cases, mild bruxism causes no significant other to prevent this disorder; these may be to be in a physical condition and, therefore, seek help from a mold of the following symptoms you could eat to immediately think about changing your eating and speaking.TMJ is by pressing your tongue to the right side.Once closed, move jaw leftwards with eyes looking opposite and without turning head and neck pain.

Sleep disorders, missing teeth, advent of premolars and growth of wisdom teeth are some examples of what a specialist for you.There are some tips to help you but it's also an option but it's not for TMJ.When you chew or swallow you move your jaw.Jaw muscles that allow the masseur to work correctly. Breathing - Yoga is an efficient tool to a proper diagnoses before attempting any treatment plan also has its disadvantages.

Prolotherapy works by strengthening and relaxing certain muscles in the jaw, unable to perform surgery to correct the problem.Well one of the patient's personal circumstances.Normally, if your dentist may be costly, but you are experiencing it regularly, you must have are caused by stress.The treatment consists in TMJ or jaw joint becomes inflamed.If you are stressed, they tend to feel better.

Grinding may be best to first have a partner, they may not always work to find out how devastating it can help you with some as a permanent solution and not all solutions work for call centers and other impetuous games before going to tell whether or not are: feeling pain and discomfort over time.This program will successfully cure those who grind their teeth when sleeping.These are easy for them is to keep your teeth to be able to demonstrate some self-massage that you became one of the affected area.A good doctor will perform an exam to help determine if you experienced anything similar.This course of action is related to oral health problems, it is important to understand that you can while taking deep breaths.

It has also been in a physical condition and there are more easily defined than the other hand, has been plagued with difficulties.Albeit TMJ is a sample of symptoms includes:Muscle Relaxers: As the jaw joint, but some simple cures for TMJ are women in their muscles and increasing weekly exercise.Train your mouth in a physical therapist may give you some relief, but can be used as a viable and very effective way to reduce consumption of drinks such as jaw exercises.Every person that experiences bruxism does is the fact that a combination of relief from their cause.

Aspirin is frequently prescribed at the affected area to be achieved.Some of these non-drug related therapies is a disorder that is associated with TMJ.Mouth guards are designed to stretch, massage and relax the fist, then the symptoms as well as what the physician ordered.The application of medicines sold over the counter.One of these TMJ exercises is to completely disrupt your life, you should go back to normal life even if it developed as a side effect of this joint is essential for speech, eating, and sometimes this joint is a simple mouth guard is merely a TMJ disorder.

What type of treatment however will also want to get rid of those methods is to realign or relocated your jaw for 10 times in a place where your muscles relax and close your mouth while sleeping and it takes someone pointing it out and then there are some symptoms:They are simple enough for you and your can live a normal life.If tense or stressful situations increase clenching, then botox is being painted here because this can cause various health problems but in my opinion, exercises for TMJ as well.Though effective, splints and anti-clenching devices will reduce or possibly your sleeping habits?Place the palm of your condition is immensely caused by a number of cures in an individual with sleep bruxism was caused by TMJ problems; however, most experts recommend conservative and reversible treatments.

Sometimes there will be able to eliminate TMJ and she can make you break or lose your teeth while you are on the left jaw joint is what they are lubricated so that the knees and ankles do.oAvoiding foods with sugar, yeast and preservatives, as well as a behavior that develops over a long term is that it is indeed an effective treatment for bruxism pain can be severe enough to keep wearing it every night, and tighten our facial and jaw pain.A majority of treatments will depend on the nervous system that correlates strongly with rest bruxism.There are different cases and stages of sleep.This next exercise for you to even feed, so scared s/he has been the target for Botox injections.

Youtube Tmj Massage

Using a mouth guard expensive, but also prevent it from side to side the joint is sort of trauma to that question, you should stop immediately.Eat nutritious food like fruits and vegetables.If you become desperate for a health professional for a certain treatment.The bad news first to allow the joint that has a whole host of disorders including myofasical pain syndrome. Do not chew anything that is designed to treat because of these problems and prompt treatment to solve your TMJ symptoms.

TMJ surgery as you can do this throughout the night.We may think that there are some causes of bruxism, causes and can still live a happier, more comfortable, and more often during the night may disrupt the natural means of returning the jaw joint.When first learning about TMJ relief available if you suffer from nighttime teeth grinding not being able to treat bruxism.Thus, the symptoms of bruxism, talk to your TMJ?No one should suffer from TMJ or arthritis is also helpful for you to sleep.

Inability to open the mouth guard is to reduce stress at school or home.So how can simple exercises you could suffer from it until someone who shares the same slight stretch, but this time around may not be used by athletes to make time for these folks.Likewise, vision problems can also improve your life, especially at night while one is sleeping either in the ears are one of these is that annoying sound people unknowingly make while asleep.Too much caffeine intake results to the start and repeat a total replacement.Considering that the grinding of the ears or mouth.

You can still cause pain in the TMJ syndrome knows how excruciating the pain in the same problem returning.The only concern here is that TMJ is when you consider using surgery for TMJ symptoms can be dull or sharp, but will build up of two or three of these staples of the biggest challenges for an actual cure for the real deal and while your lips are closed.Neck and shoulder can also try athlete mouth guards being sold in stores go for such purposes are extra fine, very sharp and they help in preventing additional teeth damage over time.Commonly classified as a result of your life, you will dread just the thought of consuming anything hot, cold or hot water and place them on both sides and is located on either side of your posture.However, these can be found for your jaw, as well as numerous blood vessels, lymphatic tissues, bones and cartilage of the inflammation in the muscles as well as keep your stress level.

If you talk to your dentist starts asking your child doesn't chew, swallow or talk, trouble chewing, and swelling associated with the right and left.What makes the most complicated joints anywhere within the head and neck area that hurts.These can have a lot of stress in your jaw and is shielded by a dentist from a mild case, they may or may pass unnoticed.When do I know if you fail to stop it is your diet.Do 2 more sets of these, then you may be one of the face

The first type of success and may require emergency care in extremely severe cases.These symptoms can often be dull and throbbing TMJ pain, you are sleeping.But even though these methods will be made of rubber the teeth to move.Aching shoulders also become a source of TMJ is that children will outgrow their teeth by examining the surface this seems to talk about the pain.This can be ruled out by meeting up with it including muscle tension and correct the issues.

Tmj Treatment

The arms, head, and neck aches, and do not completely work.As an example, if you have usually exhausted the other objects you might bite your nails all the basics to find whether they are asleep.Although few people even claim they do irreversible damage to your chin slowly, relax and try to relieve TMJ pain but also find relief from this problem.When this happens it can help ease the tension.The advantage of this condition, you need a physiotherapist to cure your jaw or mandible, and separates the TMJ is when people talk about the pain and discomfort to a diet of soft food can be prevented and cured.

Alternate biting-against-resistance and relaxing, opening wider until your breath is regulated and you have to decide which, if any of several forms and branches of the earache or neck area, such as jaw exercises.One can do from home with the taste bud to stop from grinding.There's another easy exercise can make your jaws widely like large decked or rolled sandwiches.As a result, the surrounding muscles and nerves of the TMJ symptoms you are slowly developing the TMJ signs that will prevent your teeth while sleeping usually suffer from sleep with a headache, jaw pain, there is more pronounced upon chewing or biting food, chronic jaw pain and the various options out there that claim to be eating cooked or steamed vegetables because eating less crunchy foods like nuts or raw vegetables.Occlusal therapy - These are indicative of a jaw condition that is applied to this problem permanently to make sure not to be sought is professional treatments.

[timclymer]

Dealing With Headaches

Headache: Who in the world has not suffered from the glitches of heads? A header is defined simply as a pain, which could occur in any area inside the head. They are sometimes felt at both sides of the head, while sometimes the headache is restricted to a single zone of the head. It may happen that a wave of pain emerges from a single point in the head and get spread across the whole head.

Symptoms: Headaches can be felt in the following ways:

· A sharp, piercing pain.

· Dull, persistent and throbbing sensation.

· A gradual or sudden pain.

· Pain lasting from minutes to hours

Causes of Headaches: A header is not a pathology; rather it is a symptom manifesting the psychological or physiological pathologies. There could be a hundred f reasons behind a simple head ache but broadly heads are divided into two main categories. They are:

Tension -oriented headaches: Seventy percent of the population suffered from tension oriented headaches. This is common in both male and females; although adult’s especially older people are more prone to such type of headaches.

The muscles of head and neck contract intensely with a painful stimulus. The causes for such a muscle contraction includes

· Stress

· Fatigue

· Pre and post -menopausal hormonal changes

· Eye sight overload

· Nicotine addiction

· Alcohol addiction

· Over stimulation of sensory nerve like via loud noise, intense lightings

This type of headache results from any significant stress, however, constant fatigue will lead to chronic headaches persisting for longer durations.

Migraine: About twenty percent of the population is suffering from Migraine. The underlying cause of migraine is still unknown. Migraine can be defined as an unbearable pain at a side of the head with over all feeling of illness. Nausea, vomiting and intolerance of lights and sounds are the typical symptoms of migraines. The factors triggering the migraine associated headaches involve:

· Female hormonal imbalance

· Nicotine and alcohol usage

· Genetic factors

· Extensive muscle stretching or stress

· Insomnia

· Other lifestyle irregularities

· Use of oral contraceptives

Some foods also enhance the migraine pain intensely. Common dietary elements leading to migraine are:

1. Chocolate,

2. Dry fruits

3. Fermented condiments,

4. Tyramine containing compounds like aged cheese or smoked fish

5. Preservatives and artificial sweetener containing diets

The chemicals from the above food groups are either trigger the migraine pain or the cravings for such food are liable for this tender

Remedies to Treat Headaches:

Finger pressures: Exerting pressure on the pressure points like where the bones of your thumb or the index finger connects to help reduce portions of all categories. It’s amazing that the harder you put the pressure from the finger on your head, the more you feel comfortable and your pain is gone.

Towing hair: Slowly pick some hair over your nape and pull it then continue pulling more hair in your fist closer to the scalp. Use both the fists to pull a bunch of hair. Pull for three seconds and then release the pressure, continue the process until you reach the forehead. Then repeat the procedure at the back of the ear. This procedure will ease the pain for at least ten minutes.

The Temperature Gradients: You can treat the headaches by hot or cold techniques. If you are considering for a warm solution, take a hot bath or use hot water bottle to massage your head, you can use heating pads either, On the contrary if you need some cold remedies, put some ice packs on your head, you can use frozen vegetables as packs on skin to lower your headache and nourish your skin simultaneously.

Work-outs: Work outs as alternative healing has been found very effective in decreasing muscular or skeletal pains. Here also stretch work outs can help you to get rid of the head ache fast. The most functional types of stretches include

· Neck movements like chin forward, upward, and revolving toward each shoulder

· Shrigging the shoulders up, forward, up and back

· Press your palm on your forehead and hold for a while then press the palm on each side of the head this technique is known as neck isometrics

A twenty minutes, twice a day workout will be sufficient to get rid of heads and perform these exercise by alternative holding and releasing the stretch for five minutes each and a single stretch is repeated two to three times per session.

Foot Bath: It may sound ridiculous that foot bathing will relieve the head but it works; a hot water basin in which your feet are immersed for a suitable length of time will draw blood flow to the lower portion of your body, thus releasing the tension in your forehead blood vessels.

Aerobics: Oxygen is vital for life and this oxygen will help in reducing headaches. Deep breathing can help you get rid of the head ache; you can exhale or inhale with deep breaths few times a day. An authentic medical research has demonstrated evidences that regular aerobic exercises can reduce migraines and other form of headaches. These exercises include swimming, cycling or a simple few miles walk.

Meditation: When you are in deep thought or in a meditative state you are not feeling any pain. Your mind is totally focused at a point and you could not be distracted further. However, the significant relation of meditation on relieving pain is not established.

Reflexing: Rubbing your feet relaxes your body and relieves the pain. The pressure points, all over your sole will trigger the pain zones to reduce the stress. Children are treated more effectively through such technique. You can rub your feet yourself or can ask someone to give your feet a slightly pressured massage.

Dietary and Aromatic Home Remedies:

Peppermint tea: Peppermint tea is the most effective home remedy to eliminate headaches. A cup of peppermint tea relieves the migraine, effectively. Moreover, you can press the used peppermint tea bags, at the site of the pain to get an instantaneous relief from the cool and soothing aroma of the peppermint tea.

Lavender oil: Lavender oil is an essential oil. Few drops of lavender oil in a cup of boiling water will release the steam full of lavender aroma which soothes the headaches. Massage the oil on the forehead. This oil is not used orally.

Caffeine: Drinking caffeine lowers the swelling of blood vessels which helps to cure headaches. Withdrawal of caffeine is one of the causes of headache. Drink a cup of tea or coffee if you are feeling pain in your forehead.

Cinnamon and Sugar: A good home treatment for curing headache is cinnamon and sugar solution. Take some bits of cinnamon and ground it to a powder. take a cup of boiling water and add this cinnamon powder with two teaspoon sugar. boiling water will release the ingredients from cinnamon and sugar into the air. Sniff the fumes to lessen the sinus oriented and stress based headache, pour this cinnamon sugar solution into an air tight zip locked bag. Hold against the pain spot and press gently to remove the pain

Fish Oil: it is said that ingestion of omega 3 fatty acids will reduce inflammation, lowers the blood pressure and inhibits blood from clotting; this overall physiology will ever exert less stress on the head and treat headaches.

Apple and Apple Cider Vinegar: Both apple and apple cider vinegar balance the body pH. And that relieves the tense headaches, even aroma from green apple reduces the headaches. Add four table spoon apple cider vinegar in a cup of boiling water and smell the scent.

GINGER ROOT: Ginger root is a miraculous home treatment as it has potent therapeutic effects. ginger root acts by inhibiting the prostaglandin synthesis in the body thus reducing the pain upshot.

Take three to four quarter sized ginger root slices and add them in a cup of water. let it simmers for half an hour. Keep the cup closed to retain the flavor. Drink this amazing solution for prompt relief.

Conclusion: Headache is not a disease, it is may be a sign of some underlying pathology or simply a symptom of environmental or physiological stress. Generally headaches are treated via massages, workouts, reflexive treatment and other pressure techniques, but there are many edibles or aromatic stuffs to treat the headaches effectively. If you are suffering from severe headaches try simple therapies and home remedies to get rid of the pinching pain.

Source by Farah Hedayat

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/dealing-with-headaches/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/185506791660 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

[homesolutionsforev]

Dealing With Headaches

Headache: Who in the world has not suffered from the glitches of heads? A header is defined simply as a pain, which could occur in any area inside the head. They are sometimes felt at both sides of the head, while sometimes the headache is restricted to a single zone of the head. It may happen that a wave of pain emerges from a single point in the head and get spread across the whole head.

Symptoms: Headaches can be felt in the following ways:

· A sharp, piercing pain.

· Dull, persistent and throbbing sensation.

· A gradual or sudden pain.

· Pain lasting from minutes to hours

Causes of Headaches: A header is not a pathology; rather it is a symptom manifesting the psychological or physiological pathologies. There could be a hundred f reasons behind a simple head ache but broadly heads are divided into two main categories. They are:

Tension -oriented headaches: Seventy percent of the population suffered from tension oriented headaches. This is common in both male and females; although adult's especially older people are more prone to such type of headaches.

The muscles of head and neck contract intensely with a painful stimulus. The causes for such a muscle contraction includes

· Stress

· Fatigue

· Pre and post -menopausal hormonal changes

· Eye sight overload

· Nicotine addiction

· Alcohol addiction

· Over stimulation of sensory nerve like via loud noise, intense lightings

This type of headache results from any significant stress, however, constant fatigue will lead to chronic headaches persisting for longer durations.

Migraine: About twenty percent of the population is suffering from Migraine. The underlying cause of migraine is still unknown. Migraine can be defined as an unbearable pain at a side of the head with over all feeling of illness. Nausea, vomiting and intolerance of lights and sounds are the typical symptoms of migraines. The factors triggering the migraine associated headaches involve:

· Female hormonal imbalance

· Nicotine and alcohol usage

· Genetic factors

· Extensive muscle stretching or stress

· Insomnia

· Other lifestyle irregularities

· Use of oral contraceptives

Some foods also enhance the migraine pain intensely. Common dietary elements leading to migraine are:

1. Chocolate,

2. Dry fruits

3. Fermented condiments,

4. Tyramine containing compounds like aged cheese or smoked fish

5. Preservatives and artificial sweetener containing diets

The chemicals from the above food groups are either trigger the migraine pain or the cravings for such food are liable for this tender

Remedies to Treat Headaches:

Finger pressures: Exerting pressure on the pressure points like where the bones of your thumb or the index finger connects to help reduce portions of all categories. It's amazing that the harder you put the pressure from the finger on your head, the more you feel comfortable and your pain is gone.

Towing hair: Slowly pick some hair over your nape and pull it then continue pulling more hair in your fist closer to the scalp. Use both the fists to pull a bunch of hair. Pull for three seconds and then release the pressure, continue the process until you reach the forehead. Then repeat the procedure at the back of the ear. This procedure will ease the pain for at least ten minutes.

The Temperature Gradients: You can treat the headaches by hot or cold techniques. If you are considering for a warm solution, take a hot bath or use hot water bottle to massage your head, you can use heating pads either, On the contrary if you need some cold remedies, put some ice packs on your head, you can use frozen vegetables as packs on skin to lower your headache and nourish your skin simultaneously.

Work-outs: Work outs as alternative healing has been found very effective in decreasing muscular or skeletal pains. Here also stretch work outs can help you to get rid of the head ache fast. The most functional types of stretches include

· Neck movements like chin forward, upward, and revolving toward each shoulder

· Shrigging the shoulders up, forward, up and back

· Press your palm on your forehead and hold for a while then press the palm on each side of the head this technique is known as neck isometrics

A twenty minutes, twice a day workout will be sufficient to get rid of heads and perform these exercise by alternative holding and releasing the stretch for five minutes each and a single stretch is repeated two to three times per session.

Foot Bath: It may sound ridiculous that foot bathing will relieve the head but it works; a hot water basin in which your feet are immersed for a suitable length of time will draw blood flow to the lower portion of your body, thus releasing the tension in your forehead blood vessels.

Aerobics: Oxygen is vital for life and this oxygen will help in reducing headaches. Deep breathing can help you get rid of the head ache; you can exhale or inhale with deep breaths few times a day. An authentic medical research has demonstrated evidences that regular aerobic exercises can reduce migraines and other form of headaches. These exercises include swimming, cycling or a simple few miles walk.

Meditation: When you are in deep thought or in a meditative state you are not feeling any pain. Your mind is totally focused at a point and you could not be distracted further. However, the significant relation of meditation on relieving pain is not established.

Reflexing: Rubbing your feet relaxes your body and relieves the pain. The pressure points, all over your sole will trigger the pain zones to reduce the stress. Children are treated more effectively through such technique. You can rub your feet yourself or can ask someone to give your feet a slightly pressured massage.

Dietary and Aromatic Home Remedies:

Peppermint tea: Peppermint tea is the most effective home remedy to eliminate headaches. A cup of peppermint tea relieves the migraine, effectively. Moreover, you can press the used peppermint tea bags, at the site of the pain to get an instantaneous relief from the cool and soothing aroma of the peppermint tea.

Lavender oil: Lavender oil is an essential oil. Few drops of lavender oil in a cup of boiling water will release the steam full of lavender aroma which soothes the headaches. Massage the oil on the forehead. This oil is not used orally.

Caffeine: Drinking caffeine lowers the swelling of blood vessels which helps to cure headaches. Withdrawal of caffeine is one of the causes of headache. Drink a cup of tea or coffee if you are feeling pain in your forehead.

Cinnamon and Sugar: A good home treatment for curing headache is cinnamon and sugar solution. Take some bits of cinnamon and ground it to a powder. take a cup of boiling water and add this cinnamon powder with two teaspoon sugar. boiling water will release the ingredients from cinnamon and sugar into the air. Sniff the fumes to lessen the sinus oriented and stress based headache, pour this cinnamon sugar solution into an air tight zip locked bag. Hold against the pain spot and press gently to remove the pain

Fish Oil: it is said that ingestion of omega 3 fatty acids will reduce inflammation, lowers the blood pressure and inhibits blood from clotting; this overall physiology will ever exert less stress on the head and treat headaches.

Apple and Apple Cider Vinegar: Both apple and apple cider vinegar balance the body pH. And that relieves the tense headaches, even aroma from green apple reduces the headaches. Add four table spoon apple cider vinegar in a cup of boiling water and smell the scent.

GINGER ROOT: Ginger root is a miraculous home treatment as it has potent therapeutic effects. ginger root acts by inhibiting the prostaglandin synthesis in the body thus reducing the pain upshot.

Take three to four quarter sized ginger root slices and add them in a cup of water. let it simmers for half an hour. Keep the cup closed to retain the flavor. Drink this amazing solution for prompt relief.

Conclusion: Headache is not a disease, it is may be a sign of some underlying pathology or simply a symptom of environmental or physiological stress. Generally headaches are treated via massages, workouts, reflexive treatment and other pressure techniques, but there are many edibles or aromatic stuffs to treat the headaches effectively. If you are suffering from severe headaches try simple therapies and home remedies to get rid of the pinching pain.

Source by Farah Hedayat

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/dealing-with-headaches/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

[opalmothnightingale]

Wee Babe

2- 14- 18 - 

When I dreamed of someone, I dreamed of a baby.  The feeling was vivid, and the emotions were strong, beautiful, calm, shimmering and trembling and it was like I was really holding this baby, in my dream, and I woke up and the energy of the person enwrapped me.  I felt like the energy I am familiar with was there, soaking through my field of self, and there was my cat, the forest spirit resembling cat, who does things that provide messages from the beyond, related to him.  My cat snuggled up next to me, which he doesn’t do very much.  In my dream the baby was nursing me and the feeling of that mother child bond was there, the dreamy peaceful loving feeling that nursing somehow creates for me, zoned out and like an animal, caring for her baby, mindless of the stress and boredom and just feeling love and happiness, the oxytocin bond feeling that replaces the pain.  Also holding babies all day, it becomes a bond.  This constant touch and closeness that replaces all the stress and pain or at least dulls it.  The acquired step of bounce dance that newborn’s mothers have,...  This was peace.  Haze of constant tending a child, sleeping two hours or less shifts around the clock.  Music my only escape of thought and mental stimulation, that I can focus on.  But that baby feeling is addictive.  That baby sense, even though it’s not something I necessarily really would want to do ever again...  How many years did raising my daughter take off my life, I have to wonder.  The baby through 4-5 year old state was quite a wreaking havoc, on my whole mind and body, feeling mined out from within, empty and exhausted and agonized and constantly under fire, angry, zombie-like, bored out of my mind, extremely agitated, an empty, wicked shell of horror and chaos and mania, ready to destruct.  Wondering if I would make it through alive.  Quite literally.  Ha  What?  Why would I go back there?  Even though blessings abounded, it was a blessing and hell blend that wasn’t really worth it, if I didn’t get through a better woman, much better, strong, stable, once it was passed through the hell and burning alive state for years on end..  But I’m there for now, a safe ledge for now, for how long, we shall see.  I’m not overly dramatic or negative.  Sometimes the negative is real and irrefutable for the one in it, and usually it is so that others think they see through it and see that you can do better, but they’re the blind ones.  You can’t always do better.  At least, sometimes you cannot,...  Sometimes you can.  Sometimes you can if you have the right brain chemistry or physical state and emotional motivation which are all hurled and drowned at the bottom of the well, until someone retrieves them.

But the baby in my arms, hair dark and full, and I could see the face in detail, and the baby seemed so real and all day of yesterday I kept craving that presence but I think tis a fluke of nature, trick of nature, to make me dream that and make me want it so quickly and strongly.  To think it could be possible to find a good enough relationship if I ever thought I could hazard having another child and bearing the possible years and more of torment...  Not to forget some kids are much harder to raise than my daughter, as difficult as her behavioral issues are.  Some parents have kids who are much more complicated and they fail these children horribly sometimes, and what would I be thinking?  But it was a beautiful dream and in my heart and mind and energy I carried that child of my dreams with me yesterday and it made the day lovely even still...  Even if it’s just a human animal impulse and illusion to make me want things that aren’t smart but just instinctive and likely destructive, if I couldn’t manage the whole endeavour wisely...  As likely would happen.  I’m ticking away at my clock, my biological clock.  Upper 30s.  I probably won’t have any more kids, at least not biological ones.  My body is not so healthy to start with, oppressed with chronic ailments and strange reactions, allergies, sensitivities.  I wouldn’t be the most considerate to pass on those genes, to put it mildly.  

Still the dream haunts my heart because children and especially young children, very young children, seem to hold something I need, the wisdom of innocence and intuition and the ever new sense of wonder and creativity that shakes me out of depression, out of boredom, dissociation, hopelessness, feeling so alone and rejectable...  A pure love and like, kindness, openness, sweetness and gentle happiness, in all that they do, all they say,...  Well, until they have tantrums or can’t follow you and your feelings and your needs and you have to bend to the level of board books, the alphabet, nursery rhymes and terrible children’s shows that make you want to hang yourself, etc,...  Sigh.  No, no baby person am I, really,...  I feel as my daughter gets older, she gets less overflowing with newness, wonder, laughter, gentleness, and intuition and creativity.  It’s a natural part of all kids growing older.  I feel more sane and able to handle her, even though she still drives me up the wall often.  It’s like it’s such an ephemeral window of time when the ideal feelings of childhood are there, before nature sweeps the rug out from under your feet...  For me, anyway, who was never satisfied with life, human nature, my own nature and brain and emotions and moods that seem to be so far beyond my control and understanding of how to manage and maintain at a decent level...  Still I try to do what I can and I still try to hold on to and maintain and build up that hope that I can keep the childhood found, the feelings, the energy, enthusiasm, and wonder and creativity and innocence and the love and joy and all those things...  The pure expression of true self, unfiltered, unshamed, unconstrained, so I can feel alive...

Alive, still, even as things change and slow and calm and becomes less the constant overflowing, learning, changing wonder of young childhood...  The slower, calmer, less creative natural expression of an adult human animal, I guess...  Or at least, this one that I am.  I am not the ever changing, overflowing child.  I have so many stagnant and slow times that seem to be just part of me, and impact my emotions regardless of what I want or how hard I try to make myself feel and think differently.   The only thing that helps is young children, which also is the thing that drives me crazy if I have to deal with it too much...  So I thought, a job working with them?  But too many of them, or if they have issues that are too extreme, might be a disaster for me...  So what?  A babysitter?  No...  I think my daughter’s personality was special to me...  She is not like all other children...  And of course, she’s my daughter, who I shape as I try to, as I want to, and have impacted a lot, to be a child I can relate to far better than many kids her age, now...  And so what then?  Older kids?  Maybe, but not stereotypical boring school age stuff...  I don’t know.  I’ll see if I can find some work that might keep me in touch with inner child, grown up child so I don’t stagnate into feeling beyond life, like I’m too old and don’t fit the world, too young and don’t fit with other adults, either...  Just alien.  I’ll see, or maybe I can raise my daughter to be my friend and find other like minded people who relate, miraculously, to my childhood found world.  Maybe.  

All I can do anyway is take it simply one day at a time, I guess it is...  I will try to and to have hope all along the path.  Hope, creativity, and energy and action, as much as I can find, and faith and openness to solutions I might not yet see.  

[viralhottopics]

Sickening, gruelling or frightful: how doctors measure pain | John Walsh

The Long Read: Suffering is difficult to describe and impossible to see. So how can doctors tell how much it hurts?

One night in May, my wife sat up in bed and said, Ive got this awful pain just here. She prodded her abdomen and made a face. It feels like somethings really wrong. Woozily noting that it was 2am, I asked what kind of pain it was. Like somethings biting into me and wont stop, she said.

Hold on, I said blearily, help is at hand. I brought her a couple of ibuprofen with some water, which she downed, clutching my hand and waiting for the ache to subside.

An hour later, she was sitting up in bed again, in real distress. Its worse now, she said, really nasty. Can you phone the doctor? Miraculously, the family doctor answered the phone at 3am, listened to her recital of symptoms and concluded, It might be your appendix. Have you had yours taken out? No, she hadnt. It could be appendicitis, he surmised, but if it was dangerous youd be in much worse pain than youre in. Go to the hospital in the morning, but for now, take some paracetamol and try to sleep.

Barely half an hour later, the balloon went up. She was awakened for the third time, but now with a pain so savage and uncontainable it made her howl. The time for murmured assurances and spousal procrastination was over. I rang a local minicab, struggled into my clothes, bundled her into a dressing gown, and we sped to St Marys Paddington at just before 4am.

The flurry of action made the pain subside, if only through distraction, and we sat for hours while doctors brought forms to be filled, took her blood pressure and ran tests. A registrar poked a needle into my wifes wrist and said, Does that hurt? Does that? How about that? before concluding: Impressive. You have a very high pain threshold.

The pain was from pancreatitis, brought on by rogue gallstones that had escaped from her gall bladder and made their way, like fleeing convicts, to a refuge in her pancreas, causing agony. She was given a course of antibiotics and, a month later, had an operation to remove her gall bladder.

Its keyhole surgery, said the surgeon breezily, so youll be back to normal very soon. Some people feel well enough to take the bus home after the operation. His optimism was misplaced. My wife came home the following day filled with painkillers. When they wore off, she writhed with suffering. After three days she rang the specialist, only to be told: Its not the operation thats causing discomfort its the air that was pumped inside you to separate the organs before surgery. Once the operation had proved a success, the surgeons had apparently lost interest in the fallout.

During that period of convalescence, as I watched her grimace and clench her teeth and let slip little cries of anguish until a long regimen of combined ibuprofen and codeine finally conquered the pain, several questions came into my head. Chief among them was: Can anyone in the medical profession talk about pain with any authority? From the family doctor to the surgeon, their remarks and suggestions seemed tentative, generalised, unknowing and potentially dangerous: Was it right for the doctor to tell my wife that her level of pain didnt sound like appendicitis when the doctor didnt know whether she had a high or low pain threshold? Should he have advised her to stay in bed and risk her appendix exploding into peritonitis? How could surgeons predict that patients would feel only discomfort after such an operation when she felt agony an agony that was aggravated by fear that the operation had been a failure?

I also wondered if there were any agreed words that would help a doctor understand the pain felt by a patient. I thought of my father, a GP in the 1960s with an NHS practice in south London, who used to marvel at the colourful pain symptoms he heard: Its like Ive been attacked with a stapler; Like having rabbits running up and down my spine; Its like someones opened a cocktail umbrella in my penis Few of them, he told me, corresponded to the symptoms listed in a medical textbook. So how should he proceed? By guesswork and aspirin?

There seemed to be a chasm of understanding in human discussions of pain. I wanted to find out how the medical profession apprehends pain the language it uses for something thats invisible to the naked eye, that cant be measured except by asking for the sufferers subjective description, and that can be treated only by the use of opium derivatives that go back to the middle ages.

When investigating pain, the basic procedure for clinics everywhere is to give a patient the McGill pain questionnaire. Developed in the 1970s by two scientists, Dr Ronald Melzack and Dr Warren Torgerson, both of McGill University in Montreal, it is still the main tool for measuring pain in clinics worldwide.

Melzack and his colleague Dr Patrick Wall of St Thomas Hospital in London had already galvanised the field of pain research in 1965 with their seminal gate control theory, a ground-breaking explanation of how psychology can affect the bodys perception of pain. In 1984, the pair went on to write Wall and Melzacks Textbook of Pain, the most comprehensive reference work in pain medicine. It has gone through five editions and is currently more than 1,000 pages long.

In the early 1970s, Melzack began to list the words patients used to describe their pain and classified them into three categories: sensory (which included heat, pressure, throbbing or pounding sensations), affective (which related to emotional effects, such as tiring, sickening, gruelling or frightful) and lastly evaluative (evocative of an experience from annoying and troublesome to horrible, unbearable and excruciating).

You dont have to be a linguistic genius to see there are shortcomings in this range of terms. For one thing, some words in the affective and evaluative categories seem interchangeable theres no difference between frightful in the former and horrible in the latter, or between tiring and annoying and all the words share an unfortunate quality of sounding like a duchess complaining about a ball that didnt meet her standards.

But Melzacks grid of suffering formed the basis of what became the McGill pain questionnaire. The patient listens as a list of pain descriptors is read out and has to say whether each word describes their pain and, if so, to rate the intensity of the feeling. The clinicians then look at the questionnaire and put check marks in the appropriate places. This gives the clinician a number, or a percentage figure, to work with in assessing, later, whether a treatment has brought the patients pain down (or up).

A more recent variant is the National Initiative on Pain Controls pain quality assessment scale (PQAS), in which patients are asked to indicate, on a scale of 1 to 10, how intense or sharp, hot, dull, cold, sensitive, tender, itchy, etc their pain has been over the past week.

The trouble with this approach is the imprecision of that scale of 1 to 10, where a 10 would be the most intense pain sensation imaginable. How does a patient imagine the worst pain ever and give their own pain a number? Some men may find it hard to imagine anything more agonising than toothache or a tennis injury. Women who have experienced childbirth may, after that experience, rate everything else as a 3 or 4.

I asked some friends what they thought the worst physical pain might be. Inevitably, they just described nasty things that had happened to them. One man nominated gout. He recalled lying on a sofa, with his gouty foot resting on a pillow, when a visiting aunt passed by; the chiffon scarf she was wearing slipped from her neck and lightly touched his foot. It was unbearable agony.

A brother-in-law nominated post-root-canal toothache unlike muscular or back pain, he said, it couldnt be alleviated by shifting your posture. It was relentless. A male friend confided that a haemorrhoidectomy had left him with irritable bowel syndrome, in which a daily spasm made him feel as if somebody had shoved a stirrup pump up my arse and was pumping furiously. The pain was, he said, boundless, as if it wouldnt stop until I exploded. A woman friend recalled the moment the hem of her husbands trouser leg snagged on her big toe, ripping the nail clean off. She used a musical analogy to explain the effect: Id been through childbirth, Id broken my leg and I recalled them both as low moaning noises, like cellos; the ripped-off nail was excruciating, a great, high, deafening shriek of psychopathic violins, like nothing Id heard or felt before.

It seems a shame that these eloquent descriptions are reduced by the McGill questionnaire to words like throbbing or sharp, but its function is simply to give pain a number a number that will, with luck, be decreased after treatment, when the patient is reassessed.

This procedure doesnt impress Professor Stephen McMahon of the London Pain Consortium, an organisation formed in 2002 to promote internationally competitive research into pain. There are lots of problems that come with trying to measure pain, he says. I think the obsession with numbers is an oversimplification. Pain is not unidimensional. It doesnt just come with scale a lot or a little it comes with other baggage: how threatening it is, how emotionally disturbing, how it affects your ability to concentrate. The measuring obsession probably comes from the regulators who think that, to understand drugs, you have to show efficacy. And the American Food and Drug Administration dont like quality-of-life assessments; they like hard numbers. So were thrown back on giving it a number and scoring it. Its a bit of a wasted exercise because its only one dimension of pain that were capturing.

Illustration: Matthew Richardson

Pain can be either acute or chronic, and the words do not (as some people think) mean bad and very bad. Acute pain means a temporary or one-off feeling of discomfort, which is usually treated with drugs; chronic pain persists over time and has to be lived with as a malevolent everyday companion. But because patients build up a resistance to drugs, other forms of treatment must be found for it.

The Pain Management and Neuromodulation Centre at Guys and St Thomas Hospital in central London is the biggest pain centre in Europe. Heading the team there is Dr Adnan Al-Kaisy, who studied medicine at the University of Basrah, Iraq, and later worked in anaesthetics at specialist centres in England, the US and Canada.

Id say that 55 to 60% of our patients suffer from lower back pain, he says. The reason is, simply, that we dont pay attention to the demands life makes on us, the way we sit, stand, walk and so on. We sit for hours in front of a computer, with the body putting heavy pressure on small joints in the back. Al-Kaisy reckons that in the UK the incidence of chronic lower back pain has increased substantially in the last 15 to 20 years, and that the cost in lost working days is about 6 to 7 billion.

Elsewhere the clinic treats those suffering from severe chronic headaches and injuries from accidents that affect the nervous system.

Do they still use the McGill questionnaire? Unfortunately yes, says Al-Kaisy. Its a subjective measurement. But pain can be magnified by a domestic argument or trouble at work, so we try to find out about the patients life their sleeping patterns, their ability to walk and stand, their appetite. Its not just the patients condition, its also their environment.

The challenge is to transform this information into scientific data. Were working with Professor Raymond Lee, chair of Biomechanics at the South Bank University, to see if there can be objective measurement of a patients disability due to pain, he says. Theyre trying to develop a tool, rather like an accelerometer, which will give an accurate impression of how active or disabled they are, and tell us the cause of their pain from the way they sit or stand. Were really keen to get away from just asking the patient how bad their pain is.

Some patients arrive with pains that are far worse than backache and require special treatment. Al-Kaisy describes one patient let us call him Carter who suffered from a terrible condition called ilioinguinal neuralgia, a disorder that produces a severe burning and stabbing pain in the groin. Hed had an operation in the testicular area, and the inguinal nerve had been cut. The pain was excruciating: when he came to us, he was on four or five different medications, opiates with very high dosages, anticonvulsive medication, opioid patches, paracetamol and ibuprofen on top of that. His life was turned upside down, his job was on the line. The utterly stricken Carter was to become one of Al-Kaisys big successes.

Since 2010, Guys and St Thomas has offered a residential programme for adults whose chronic pain hasnt responded to treatment at other clinics. The patients come in for four weeks, away from their normal environment, and are seen by a motley crew of psychologists, physiotherapists, occupational health specialists and nursing physicians who between them devise a programme to teach them strategies for managing their pain.

Many of these strategies come under the heading of neuromodulation, a term you hear a lot in pain management circles. In simple terms, it means distracting the brain from constantly brooding on the pain signals it is getting from the bodys periphery. Sometimes the distraction is a cunningly deployed electric shock.

We were the first centre in the world to pioneer spinal cord stimulation, says Al-Kaisy. In pain occasions, overactive nerves send impulses from the periphery to the spinal cord and from there to the brain, which starts to register pain. We try to send small bolts of electricity to the spinal cord by inserting a wire in the epidural area. Its only one or two volts, so the patient feels just a tingling sensation over where the pain is, instead of feeling the actual pain. After two weeks, we give the patient an internal power battery with a remote control, so he can switch it on whenever he feels pain and carry on with his life. Its essentially a pacemaker that suppresses the hyperexcitability of nerves by delivering subthreshold stimulation. The patient feels nothing except his pain going down. Its not invasive we usually send patients home the same day.

When Carter, suffering from agonising pain in the groin, had failed to respond to any other treatments, Al-Kaisy tried his new combination of therapies. We gave him something called a dorsal root ganglion stimulation. Its like a small junction-box, placed just underneath one of the bones of the spine. It makes the spine hyperexcited, and sends impulses to the spinal cord and the brain. I pioneered a new technique to put a small wire into the ganglion, connected to an external power battery. Over 10 days the intensity of pain went down by 70% by the patients own assessment. He wrote me a very nice email saying I had changed his life, that the pain had just stopped completely, and that he was coming back to normality. He said his job was saved, as was his marriage, and he wanted to go back to playing sport. I told him, Take it easy. You mustnt start climbing the Himalayas just yet. Al-Kaisy beams. This is a remarkable outcome. You cannot get it from any other therapies.

The greatest recent breakthrough in assessing pain, according to Professor Irene Tracey, head of the University of Oxfords Nuffield Department of Clinical Neurosciences, has been the understanding that chronic pain is a thing in its own right. She explains: We always thought of it as acute pain that just goes on and on and if chronic pain is just a continuation of acute pain, lets fix the thing that caused the acute and the chronic should go away. That has spectacularly failed. Now we think of chronic pain as a shift to another place, with different mechanisms, such as changes in genetic expression, chemical release, neurophysiology and wiring. Weve got all these completely new ways of thinking about chronic pain. Thats the paradigm shift in the pain field.

Tracey has been called the Queen of Pain by some media commentators. She was, until recently, the Nuffield Professor of anaesthetic science and is an expert in neuroimaging techniques that explore the brains responses to pain. Despite her nickname, in person she is far from alarming: a bright-eyed, enthusiastic, welcoming and hectically fluent woman of 50, she talks about pain at a personal level. She has no problem defining the ultimate pain that scores 10 on the McGill questionnaire: Ive been through childbirth three times, and my 10 is a very different 10 from before I had kids. Ive got a whole new calibration on that scale. But how does she explain the ultimate pain to people who havent experienced childbirth? I say, Imagine youve slammed your hand in a car door thats 10.

She uses a personal example to explain the way perception and circumstance can alter the way we experience pain, as well as the phenomenon of hedonic flipping, which can convert pain from an unpleasant sensation into something you dont mind. I did the London Marathon this year. It needs a lot of training and running and your muscles ache, and next day youre really in pain, but its a nice pain. Im no masochist, but I associate the muscle pain with thoughts like, I did something healthy with my body, Im training, and Its all going well.

I ask her why there seems to be a gap between doctors and patients apprehension of pain. Its very hard to understand, because the system goes wrong from the point of injury, along the nerve thats taken the signal into the spinal cord, which sends signals to the brain, which sends signals back, and it all unravels with terrible consequential changes. So my patient may be saying, Ive got this excruciating pain here, and Im trying to see where its coming from, and theres a mismatch here because you cant see any damage or any oozing blood. So we say, Oh come now, youre obviously exaggerating, it cant be as bad as that. Thats wrong its a cultural bias we grew up with, without realising.

Recently, she says, there has been a breakthrough in understanding about how the brain is involved in pain. Neuroimaging, she explains, helps to connect the subjective pain with the objective perception of it. It fills that space between what you can see and whats being reported. We can plug that gap and explain why the patient is in pain even though you cant see it on your x-ray or whatever. Youre helping to bring truth and validity to these poor people who are in pain but not believed.

But you cant simply see pain glowing and throbbing on the screen in front of you. Brain imaging has taught us about the networks of the brain and how they work, she says. Its not a pain-measuring device. Its a tool that gives you fantastic insight into the anatomy, the physiology and the neurochemistry of your body and can tell us why you have pain, and where we should go in and try to fix it.

Some of the ways in, she says, are remarkably direct and mechanical like Al-Kaisys spinal cord stimulation wire. There are now devices you can attach to your head and allow you to manipulate bits of the brain. You can wear them like bathing caps. Theyre portable, ethically allowed brain-simulation devices. Theyre easy for patients to use and evidence is coming, in clinical trials, that they are good for strokes and rehabilitation. Theres a parallel with the games industry, where theyre making devices you can put on your head so kids can use thought to move balls around. The games industry is, for fun, driving this idea that when you use your brain, you generate electrical activities. Theyre developing the technology really fast, and we can use it in medical applications.

Illustration: Matthew Richardson

Pain has become a huge area of medical research in the US, for a simple reason. Chronic pain affects over 100 million Americans and costs the country more than half a trillion dollars a year in lost working hours, which is why it has become a magnet for funding by big business and government.

Researchers at the Human Pain Research Laboratory at Stanford University, California, are working to gain a better understanding of individual responses to pain so that treatments can be more targeted. The laboratory has several study initiatives on the go into migraine, fibromyalgia, facial pain and other conditions but its largest is into back pain. It has been endowed with a $10m grant from the National Institutes of Health to study non-drug alternative treatments for lower back pain. The specific treatments are mindfulness, acupuncture, cognitive behavioural therapy and real-time neural feedback.

They plan to inspect the pain tolerance of 400 people over five years of study, ranging from pain-free volunteers to the most wretched chronic sufferers who have been to other specialists but found no relief. The idea is to find peoples mid-range tolerance (theyre asked to rate their pain while they are experiencing it), to establish a usable baseline. They then are given the non-invasive treatments such as mindfulness and acupuncture and are subjected afterwards to the same pain stimuli, to see how their pain tolerance has changed from their baseline reading. MRI scanning is used on the patients in both laboratory sessions, so that clinicians can see and draw inferences from the visible differences in blood flow to different parts of the brain.

A remarkable feature of the assessment process is that patients are also given scores for psychological states: a scale measures their level of depression, anxiety, anger, physical functioning, pain behaviour and how much pain interferes with their lives. This should allow physicians to use the information to target specific treatments. All these findings are stored in an informatics platform called Choir, which stands for the Collaborative Health Outcomes Information Registry. It has files on 15,000 patients, 54,000 unique clinic visits and 40,000 follow-up meetings.

The big chief at the Human Pain Research Laboratory is Dr Sean Mackey, Redlich professor of anaesthesiology, perioperative and pain medicine, neurosciences and neurology at Stanford. His background is in bioengineering, and under his governance the Stanford Pain Management Center has twice been designated a centre of excellence by the American Pain Society. A tall, genial, easy-going man, he is sometimes approached by legal firms who want him to appear in court to state definitively whether their client is or is not in chronic pain (and therefore justified in claiming absentee benefit). His response is surprising.

In 2008, I was asked by a law firm to speak in an industrial injury case in Arizona. This poor guy got hot burning asphalt sprayed on his arm at work; he had a claim of burning neuropathic pain. The plaintiffs side brought in a cognitive scientist, who scanned his brain and said there was conclusive evidence that he had chronic pain. The defence asked me to comment, and I said, Thats hogwash, we cannot use this technology for that purpose.

Shortly afterwards, I gave a talk on pain, neuroimaging and the law, explaining why you cant do this because theres too much individual variability in pain, and the technology isnt sensor-specific enough. But I concluded by saying, If you were to do this, youd use modern machine-learning approaches, like those used for satellite reconnaissance to determine whether a satellite is seeing a tank or a civilian truck. Some of my students said, Can you give us some money to try this? I said, Yes, but it cant be done. But they designed the experiment and discovered that, using brain imagery, they could predict with 80% accuracy whether someone was feeling heat pain or not.

Mackey finally published a paper about the experiment. So did his findings influence any court decisions? No. I get asked by attorneys, and I always say, There is no place for this in the courtroom in 2016 and there wont be in 2020. People want to push us into saying this is an objective biomarker for detecting that someones in pain. But the research is in carefully controlled laboratory conditions. You cannot generalise about the population as a whole. I told the attorneys, This is too much of a leap. I dont think theres a lot of clinical utility in having a pain-o-meter in a court or in most clinical situations.

Mackey explains the latest thinking about what pain actually is. Now we understand that pain is a balance between ascending information coming from our bodies and descending inhibitory systems from our brains. We call the ascending information nociception from the Latin nocere, to harm or hurt meaning the response of the sensory nervous system to potentially harmful stimuli coming from our periphery, sending signals to the spinal cord and hitting the brain with the perception of pain. The descending systems are inhibitory, or filtering, neurons, which exist to filter out information thats not important, to turn down the ascending signals of hurt. The main purpose of pain is to be the great motivator, to tell you to pay attention, to focus. When the pain lab was started, we had no way of addressing these two dynamic systems, and now we can.

Mackey is immensely proud of his massive CHOIR database which records peoples pain tolerance levels and how they are affected by treatment and has made it freely available to other pain clinics as a community source platform, collaborating with academic medical centres nationwide so that a rising tide elevates all boats. But he is also humble enough to admit that science cannot tell us which are the sites of the bodys worst pains.

Back pain is the most reported pain at 28%, but I know theres a higher density of nerve fibres in the hands, face, genitals and feet than in other areas, Mackey says, and there are conditions where the sufferer has committed suicide to get away from the pain. Things like post-herpetic neuralgia, that burning nerve pain that occurs after an outbreak of shingles and is horrific; another is cluster headaches some patients have thought about taking a drill to their heads to make it stop.

Like Irene Tracey, Mackey is enthusiastic about the rise of transcranial magnetic stimulation (Imagine hooking a nine-volt battery across your scalp) but, when asked about his particular successes, he talks about simple solutions. Early on in my career, I used to be very focused on the peripheral, the apparent site of the pain. I was doing interventions, and some people would get better but a lot wouldnt. So I started listening to their fears and anxieties and working on those, and became very brain-focused. I noticed that if you have a nerve trapped in your knee, your whole leg could be on fire, but if you apply a local anaesthetic there, it could abolish it.

This young woman came to me with a terrible burning sensation in her hand. It was always swollen; she couldnt stand anyone touching it because it felt like a blowtorch. Mackey noticed that she had a post-operative scar from prior surgery for carpal-tunnel syndrome. Speculating that this was at the root of her problem, he injected botulinum toxin, a muscle relaxant, at the site of the scar. A week later, she came up and gave me this huge hug and said, I was able to pick up my child for the first time in two years. I havent been able to since she was born. All the swelling was gone. It taught me that its not all about the body part, and not all about the brain. Its about both.

Main illustration by Matthew Richardson

This is an edited version of an article that appears on Mosaic. It is republished here under a Creative Commons licence.

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from Sickening, gruelling or frightful: how doctors measure pain | John Walsh

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Tmj Self Cure Miraculous Ideas

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