#like if i scrolled onto one of my tiktoks on my fyp i wouldnt immediately recognise myself
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i have a couple things to say so i shall say them in the tags
legit just me getting my thoughts out so feel free to ignore
#first off#idk if the label 'panromantic' fits as much any more#basically im attracted to anyone that is not a man irl and unattainable men#in my head im pan in theory and ig lesbian in practice?#like its safe to be attracted to mgg or fictional men or even the guys i see on tiktok bc i will never see them irl#but not safe to be attracted to my male friend who has been open about being attracted to me#maybe its the trauma? only men have fucked me over romantically/sexually?#idk thats something i need to think about#second thing#i think im often in a very low level dissociative state#like im making tiktoks and on a logical level ik its me#but also theres a definite disconnect#like if i scrolled onto one of my tiktoks on my fyp i wouldnt immediately recognise myself#weirdly its like#sometimes i look really pretty or cool or handsome and that has such a strong disconnect to how i think i look#that i will just... depersonalise from that photo or video or whatever#like ik what *they* look like#but *they* are not *me*#idk maybe i need more therapy
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