#like if i don't get a scholarship i'm waiting on i won't have any money

[cherrygarden]

,

[simply-wlw-kpopstan]

30. Minjeong to the rescue

You entered minjeongs room to find her sitting down on the ground, already fidgeting with new pieces of Lego to finish up one of the towers. "you know I kind of feel like a double agent since you showed me your private account."

"knowledge is power after all." you smiled as you sat down. " how did things go after I left?"

" the usual. Jimin said you weren't feeling well and that she told you to go and lay down. We ended up talking about all things that happened this semester including the Uhm... The Parker incident. He won't be around for much longer at the university, his dad is transferring him to some military thing or something. "

"you went over to his place after everything happened didn't you? Jimin and I talked about it and you told her you were with me, you told me you had other plans and the next day you have a bruised hand and Parker claimed he had a fight with some guy." you reached over for another bag of Lego pieces and started to build a new part of the castle.

"he had it coming. I knew you couldn't do it with your scholarship being on the line and he would have found a way to get you kicked out."

"he threatened with it when he saw me with jimin. Guess he didn't like people knowing he wasn't all that. Makes me wonder how he slept with so many girls if he isn't that good? Rumours spread fast around campus yet nothing about him being bad in bed until jimin dumped him. "

"he has money and looks, some girls don't care about anything but bragging rights. Who knows, maybe they tried to get something out of it themselves." she clicked the last piece onto the tower and connected to the growing structure in front of you. "enough about him. Why did you suddenly disappear?"

You sighed and thought it over, would minjeong listen and understand your feelings or would she defend jimin without thinking about it? One thing you know for sure is that she stays true to her feelings and opinions so she probably wouldn't just brush it off and defend her friend. "jimin came up to me in the kitchen and hugged me. I told her we probably shouldn't and then she turned me around, if I didn't push her away she would've kissed me. It was like she didn't see the problem in that. I was introduced as a friend and didn't want to be caught kissing their daughter in their kitchen at all. That would be disrespectful wouldn't it? "

"you were scared of getting caughed I understand that but you do realize your fighting over a hypothetical thing that could've happened? Unless you're mad about something else and are using this as an excuse. "

"i'm not." you frowned as minjeong gave you a look before focusing back on the Lego piece.

"so you're not mad about meeting her parents as a friend instead of her girlfriend?"

"No? We're taking things Slow and I understand if she isn't ready for any labels yet. I-"

"i'm gonna stop you right there before you try to sell me more bullshit." she layed down her work before stealing your lego's out of your hands," You've been acting like a couple long before you confessed to one another. If and I say if you are upset over the fact she was so careless you should tell her because right now she doesn't know why you're upset. Now if it is about meeting the parents as a friend you should've thought about that before you joined the trip, you knew they were coming and you knew jimin told them you were a friend. "

"since when are you a therapist?" you clocked an eyebrow.

"since the day I met these girls." she smirked.

"well if you'll excuse me I have to go and talk to jimin. I'll come back after so we can finish this castle."

"you better! We should be able to finish it in an hour together I think. Just don't let jimin drag you into bed, I'm waiting and the rooms aren't soundproof just so you know." she sent you a playful glance as you walked out laughing.

"noted!" you walked into the living room to see aeri and ning watching a new k-drama, Once aeri spotted you she motioned to the bedrooms. You made your way over to jimin's room and softly knocked on the door.

"yeah?" jimin's voice came softly from inside and you opened the bedroom door to see her laying on her bed with a book.

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for today. I should've never put you in the position to make up an excuse for me to your parents." you quietly sat down on the bed as she placed the book on her bedside table.

"I don't care about that. What I do care about is that you got all weird without any explanation."

"I got upset over the fact that you were so careless about kissing me. It hadn't been a day since I met your parents and it felt wrong. They think I'm your friend and I got scared about them finding out that I'm not just a friend. That I..."

"that you?" She raised an eyebrow at your sudden silence.

"that the whole Parker thing was my fault."

"what are you talking about? You weren't -"

"jimin if we didn't sleep together when you were together with him, he wouldn't have hit you. Do your parents know why he did it?"

"They know enough, Parker probably told his dad that I cheated too. I don't know if my parents know but they'll find out eventually. It was my choice though, you didn't pressure me into anything. Parker chose to hit me and it's no one's fault except his."

You nodded as you looked down at the ground. The sound of blankets rustling filled the room before you felt arms wrap around your waist. Jimin placed a kiss on your shoulder as she nuzzled her nose into the crook of your neck. "I promised minjeong I'd come back after talking with you. Her exact words were 'don't let jimin drag you into bed'"

"I didn't drag you, you sat down voluntarily." she smiled against your skin, "wouldn't you rather spend time with me in bed then build Legos with minjeong?"

You sucked your teeth, "see that's were you get too cocky. Minjeong and I have a goal we need to achieve. I'll come back once we're done though." you turned towards her as she pulled back from you.

"wha- you're not kidding? You're actually choosing lego's over me?" She looked at you in disbelieve.

"I made a promise to my friend so yes." you smirked as you stood up, "I don't have favorite's you know."

"She's your friend, I'm your-" she cut herself off but you both knew what she was going to say. "just go." she blushed as she picked up her book.

To be honest you were debating on teasing her with that near slip up but decided to leave it for now. You leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head, jimin looked up with a smile and pouted her lips slightly. After planting another kiss on her lips you left her alone and went back to minjeong to finish the Lego castle.

masterlist | next

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my parents to pay my tuition for the semester, lying about how I lost my scholarship, and then planning on lying to my dad regarding his requirements in exchange for him paying the tuition?

My (20X) college has a scholarship for offspring of faculty members, and I was lucky enough to have my application accepted by the college that my dad (53M) works at. This means that I get a full ride scholarship; if I graduate within 4 years, I won't have to pay a single penny to my college (books and supplies not included, of course).

Unfortunately, the scholarship does have two requirements; I need to have taken at least a certain amount of credits semester before (not a ridiculous number), and for that semester, I need to have gotten over a 2.0/4.3 GPA. Easy enough, right? Who can't get a GPA over 2.0?

Well. I suffered a mental health downfall the past semester and I ended up failing half my classes. I was unable to sit my finals. I know this wasn't smart of me, and I think I should've done something about my academic situation other than just wait for the semester to be over, but I had quit a semester due to my mental health decline previously and I didn't want a repeat of that. In any case, I got a GPA of about 1.6. I'm not on probation but I did receive a warning.

Fortunately, this doesn't mean I lost my scholarship for good. I just need to fulfill those requirements in the upcoming semester and I get it back.

I realized I did need to pay my tuition this semester two days before tuition fee acceptance closes and I debated telling only one of my parents. My mom wants me to finish college no matter what, and my dad has told me that he does not care anymore as long as I don't stress him out. He's also told me he no longer has any expectations for me whatsoever. I did also consider talking about it with my brother and borrowing money from him to put together the tuition fee.

I figured I'd bite the bullet and just told my dad, who I know has been stressed about my future and how badly I'm doing in college. I just casually dropped it as I was making breakfast for myself and then we had a lengthy conversation that my mother (51F) joined when she got back home.

I don't remember much of the conversation (I may have memory problems) but the AITA mentioned part is that I lied to my parents and told them I did sit all my finals and try my best. I didn't. I tried that for mid term exams but I had nothing to write, so for finals I didn't sit them at all. This happened with three of the classes I was taking. I just didn't take my finals. My dad was suspicious of my claim; he said that as a professor himself he wouldn't fail students who at least submitted homework and sat their exams to write anything at all, but I maintained that I tried.

The conclusion was that my dad would be willing to pay my tuition if I got my shit together and also deleted my social media, which he thinks is a drain on my time and energy. He's not wrong. I deleted my Twitter accounts immediately afterwards (which my parents don't know about) because I've been thinking about it, but I can't really bring myself to get rid of Discord, where so many of my friends are. People I've met while studying internationally, long-term friends who moved to other countries; Discord is the only way to contact these people.

This is the AITA part; if my dad follows up on that particular requirement to check if I deleted Discord, which he particularly dislikes (he has previously confiscated the electronics I bought with my own money that I earned, after he saw me on muted call at night with some friends), I plan on deleting the app/program on my devices but using it anyway as a website. This would be a betrayal of my dad's trust in me, but there's no love lost between us anyway. He's already told me he doesn't love me unconditionally. (Yes, I'm his biological child and he did raise me.)

I also feel like an asshole because I could've settled this with the help of my brother; I'd pick up a job during the winter break to pay him back, but it would have been done eventually. Or I could've just gone to my mom. She works her own job, and we could've figured it out together without telling my dad. I told my dad anyway, wanting him to pay the tuition, even though I knew that talking about having to spend money on his kids stresses him out deeply.

My mom also told my dad to go to therapy (in detail, so I know it wasn't just something she said as a throwaway thing) during the conversation. It did get heated. I don't disagree, but I don't know if that'd be okay; mental health is stigmatized where I am, and my dad as a grown adult man and a respected professor if seen going to therapy could have his reputation kind of effected. It wouldn't have happened if I just brought up this whole situation quietly up to my mom, or just my brother.

So I lost my scholarship, I lied to my parents about the technicalities of how that happened, and I'm asking for some amount of money from my parents but also planning on lying to them in regards to the terms they set out. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[l1tw1ck]

Can Mora Buy Thoma?

FTM!Stripper!Thoma x Top!Masc Reader

Request | Kinktober | No AFAB language ver (AO3)

Contains: Non-Con to Con, Hair Pulling, Daddy Kink

Words: 1,032 | Reader Discretion is Advised

──────────────────

Thoma became a stripper to earn mora for his family and basic living expenses. He doesn't need to worry about college since he has a full scholarship but otherwise he needs to work for everything else.

During the day he works as a server at Komore Teahouse and at night he works at a strip club. It wasn't common for strippers to have sex with clients and there were rules set to protect the dancers (and Thoma's virginity) so he felt pretty safe at work.

Up until you came in. You'd always pay for private time with him and he'd always refuse to have sex with you. You weren't going to give up though.

──────────────────

You sit in your car, waiting for Thoma to get off work.

He walks out of the building in comfortable clothes and jumps when he sees your car door open.

"Thoma!" You call out, smiling widely.

Thoma stops. Now he knows why you didn't come today. "What..?"

"How much do I need to pay you to spend a night with you? I'm willing to pay anything."

"Please sir, I told you many times." Thoma shakes his head.

"What about 200 million mora?"

Thoma freezes. He doesn't even have 10 million in his bank account.

"300 million."

"..Fine." He sighs. It would be a mistake to pass up so much mora.

You grin and bring him to the back of your car, kissing and touching him while your driver takes the two of you to your house.

The closer you get, the less Thoma wants to go through with it. "Stop it.." Thoma says when your hand starts to get dangerously close to his crotch.

"I'm paying you 300 million mora, I shouldn't be hearing any complaints from you."

Thoma closes his eyes, grimacing when he feels your hand sneak underneath his pants.

You use two fingers to feel up his cunt through his underwear, slowly feeling his slick bleed through.

Before you can go any further, the driver pulls into your driveway.

"Well, we'll continue this in the bedroom." You smile, helping Thoma out of the car. You wave off your driver and lead the blond into your house.

Thoma struggles to verbalize his feelings, only making small strained sounds as you drag him to your room.

You gently push him onto the bed and start removing your clothes.

"I- I don't want to do it."

You only scoff in response.

Thoma sits up. "I'll...I'll do anything else. For less money or even none at all, just...please, sir."

You move on top of Thoma, chuckling. "You made it this far. Don't you want your reward?"

Thoma shakes his head. "Please don't.."

You rip his cheap pants off, causing Thoma to cry. "I'm begging you, please!"

You force him into a kiss to shut him up, ripping his underwear off in the process. You pull your underwear, the last off your clothes, off and align your dick to his entrance.

He screams into your mouth, flailing around in a futile attempt to push you away.

You pull away from his mouth as you stuff your dick inside him. "Be quiet and take daddy's cock like a good boy, alright?" You cover Thoma's mouth before he can scream. "Relax, 'm gonna make you feel good."

Thoma shakes his head, tears spilling from his eyes as he struggles to get comfortable with the burning intrusion of your length.

"Come on baby, don't fight me. Do you realize how much you're earning from this?" You kiss his forehead. "You could even live like a rich man if you let me keep fucking you. Weekly payments...you'll never have to work again."

You're not going to give up.

Thoma falls limp, sobbing harder as he reluctantly lets you fuck him. He won't come back but since he's already here...

"Good boy, mmh~ being so pliant for daddy now." You move your hand from his mouth and grab his waist, thrusting into him roughly. "You're gonna let daddy fuck you for cash, baby?"

"On- only once-" Thoma grimaces.

You laugh, making Thoma feel stupid. Would you not be satisfied with having sex with him once? Would you force him into it again and again?

"Daddy's gonna fuck you til he's satisfied baby." You lean into his ear. "Gonna come in your pussy over and over."

The thought makes Thoma break down into louder cries.

"Don't cry, baby." You rub his clit, touching it in a way that quickly brings him towards an orgasm.

Thoma arches his back and gasps, unconsciously clenching around you as he comes. His eyes shoot open in shock.

"Oh, you liked that?" You smile smugly.

"Wa- wait~!" He whines as you keep fucking his sensitive cunt. His moans get louder and more debauched, losing himself to the pleasure.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

Thoma covers his mouth in embarrassment.

You flip him over, lifting his ass up before you continue slamming into him. "Well I feel good, baby. Your tight pussy is practically hugging my cock."

Thoma buries his head in the pillow to suppress his moans.

You grab his ponytail and pull his head away from it. "I wanna hear how much a slut you are. Don't hide it from me."

His eyes roll to the back of his skull, wanton moans slipping out as you fuck him like he's just some prostitute you picked up off the street. He can't pretend he doesn't like this. "Fuck~! Daddy~"

"Yeah, baby?" There's a slight growl in your voice.

"'S go- good~!" He exclaims, literally drooling. "Th- think 'm gon- gon- uh~ come again~ ah~!"

You spank his ass. "Gonna come on daddy's cock baby?"

"Ye- yes~!"

"'M close too-" You groan. "Gonna fill your pretty pussy up with my cum baby, you'd like that, right?"

"Yes~! Wah~ wanna be filled~!" Thoma'll definitely think back on this and wonder what on earth was wrong with him.

"Good boy." You let go of his hair and grab his waist, coming at the same time as him.

Thoma's upper half falls limp, his whole body twitching in pleasure as he lets you pump your load into him.

"Daddy's not finished yet baby."

[iceddecafcaramel]

05/15/2024 23:15

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. Well, I guess it's a good thing because I haven't felt distressed enough to need to vent on here.

However, I am scared. And I am going to be honest with myself.

I'm scared of this retirement. I've wanted to retire and be happy for so long, safe in a faraway place from dance. But now that I'm retiring in 2 weeks, I can't imagine how hard this change will emotionally damage me. How fat am I going to get? What if I burn out and realize too late that social work is too hard for me? What if I miss dance? What if I won't be as good of a dance teacher anymore because I can't demonstrate anything? There are so many unhealthy, spiraling questions in my mind.

I'm also stressed because finding a 9-5 that pays well with flexible hours that makes more than 45k a year in the social work field is extremely difficult. I'm just waiting for the universe to show me how this is going to be offered to me by the end of June.

What if I don't get a scholarship? It doesn't matter because my parents are paying for grad school (which is insane because imagine how much money I would've had if they had just given it all to me directly if I could be financially independent) but I hate relying on them because I don't feel completely independent nor successful, and it almost feels like I will never be able to. I feel like a fraud.

My ex is suicidal. I would have never thought I would say or write that sentence down. But he is. He has a plan to drop off Chalk in Houston and to road trip to national parks til he runs out of money, and then the plan is to kill himself. He even wrote goodbye letters to me, his girlfriend, and his parents. I love him so much and it is so painful to be here, not being able to help him at all. I'm only alive and here right now because of him. I don't know what I would ever do if he were to commit suicide and I couldn't stop it. I would never forgive myself for not being able to save him like he saved me.

He is the strongest person I know, and also holds himself to the highest standard. He is never bad at anything because his ego won't let him be mediocre. He's stressed about his attending, his probation, his rent increasing if he isn't able to renew it for a yearly lease because his probation meeting isn't til after the due date, he's nervous about being able to stay next year, because if he doesn't, his degree would be useless, and he'd be in so much debt. Besides, his identity is so tied to this career and he has invested so many years into it. I completely understand why he would feel suicidal because it's so much pressure on one single person. But as selfish as it is for me to say so, I need him alive. I know that if I were God and I could choose between the two of us to stay alive, I would choose him every time. He is smart, wants to help and give back to the community, is so ambitious and has so many dreams. He is inspiring and he is the most hardworking person I know. The world needs him. I need him.

And to top it off, my dating life hasn't been great either. But here are some positives-

I didn't even apply to any other school and got into the MSW program I wanted to be in

I am not a pushover anymore and will cut off any guy that isn't deserving of me

I have self respect and I walk away from situations that drain me or doesn't serve me

My close circle consists of people who reciprocates my efforts

I love teaching at my dance school

I get to be reborn, and finally experience a life without dance

When I posted about my retirement, I got upset because I started to doubt myself if I had made the wrong decision to quit something that I was good at and enjoyed. But I know that I had been unhappy for a while, and I also know that I'm so excited to study about social work because all the courses sound like the materials I read in my free time anyway. Additionally, I saw the numbers 1393 that day. That's my library number from CMIS. It's like the universe was saying that I get to restart and experience what it would have been like if I wasn't forced to live out someone else's dream and dance. I get to pursue the career I want now, and I get to save people from getting to a point of hurting as much as I did.

[tolkien-feels]

Okay, so, I've watched the movies and I've read The Big Three, though I'm still a little shaky on my Silmarillion lore if I'm being honest. Where do I go from here if I want to read more Tolkien? Is there a commonly followed reading order? Should I just go by publication date? (Yes I am motivated to get into deeper lore because of your blog, that's why I'm asking you lmfao)

Oh hey! Happy to see my blog dragging people deeper down into the black hole of increasingly obscure Tolkien works!

I actually have a friend reading the Silm for the first time and I'm already making my little evil plans that can be summed up by "If she doesn't hate it, what can I tempt her to read next?" So I've been giving it a lot of thought lately, actually! Which is why this post ended up, uh, long.

I've taken the liberty of adapting this answer a little bit just in case I have any followers who have read fewer books than you have and find this useful. Hope you don't mind it!

The best way to read Tolkien depends a lot on what you enjoy. If you thought The Hobbit was too childish, don't read his stories for children. If your eyes glazed over when poems came up in LotR, don't pick a poetry book. If The Silmarillion drove you to tears, maybe wait before you get into the more scholarly works.

Availability is also something to consider. Maybe your local library has a few titles already, or you happen to find a good copy of something in a used bookstore, or there's a deal that saves you a lot of money. Alternatively, maybe you're set on reading something but can't find it. You might also fall in love with a story through fandom and want More Of It, or see a pretty edition that you just Must Own. These are all okay! See, the thing about Tolkien is that generally speaking, you can read his works in almost any order, so be open to changing your plans as stuff comes up in your life. I'd be willing to take a bet that the minority of fans read his stuff in any way that makes any sense lol

Personally, I think it makes sense to read in this sequence:

Read these first

The core stuff

The Hobbit

The Lord of the Rings

The Silmarillion

These are the Big Three, and you should probably get to them before you get to anything else.

The Silmarillion might take a couple of attempts to get through depending on how comfortable you are with the style, and I personally had to read it from cover to cover twice before I felt like I had a good grasp on it. @askmiddlearth has a pretty good guide that my friend who's reading it is finding really helpful.

Stories you already know: now with 200% more detail

Most other books won't be Silm levels of difficult, btw! But many assume you're familiar with it, simply because Hobbit-LotR-Silm are usually the ones most people read. So even if I otherwise follow a generally "easiest to hardest" logic, the Silm belongs here.

As an addendum, I would say the LotR appendices are a good bridge, stylistically speaking, to the Silmarillion.

The books in this category can be read in any order you feel like - you already know how they fit together.

Unfinished Tales

The Great Tales of Middle Earth, which is a series containing the following standalone books:

The Children of Hurin

Beren and Luthien

The Fall of Gondolin

Here you'll find mostly unfinished, often contradictory versions of stories you already know - but with lots of awesome detail that fandom tends to consider canon as much as we can.

These are books which contain both stories by Tolkien and commentary by his son Christopher, explaining his father's creative process and taking educated guesses as to how stories connect together and so on. It's a gentle introduction to more hardcore scholarship and if you can handle long tumblr meta I'm sure you can handle these.

Oh, and of these four books, Children of Hurin is the easiest to read by far, so maybe begin from that one. You might even read it before The Silmarillion and possibly before The Lord of the Rings (especially if you've watched the movies) - it's a pretty straightforward novel.

Read these in any order you want

I'm listing them in the order I think makes the most sense, but if you've read the books above you can just pick any section here according to your interest

Fairy tale essays, short poems, short stories and such things

The Adventures of Tom Bombadil and Other Verses from the Red Book

Farmer Giles of Ham

Tree and Leaf

Smith of Wootton Major

The Father Christmas Letters

Mr Bliss

Roverandom

Tales from the Perilous Realm

These aren't technically legendarium relevant but are delightful if you like fantasy. A lot (but not all) of these are very light reading and excellent to read to children who aren't ready for the actual legendarium yet, or to turn to as a break from heavier material.

I really wanted to make separate sections for children's literature and things that just happen to be fairy tales but immediately noticed I had no idea when a fairy tale becomes too grown up to be children's literature, so a single section it is

The Deep Lore™️

You know when Frodo inherits Bilbo's papers (and then Sam inherits Frodo's) and they have to make sense of it? That's what it's like reading HoME.

The History of Middle Earth series, or HoME for short.

(There are 12 books in this series. It's probably a terrible idea to read them out of order, so I won't even list them here)

Basically, these are nearly all the scraps of paper by Tolkien that could be found at the time, put together chronologically and presented with commentary. Here you can find answers to like 80% of the questions you might have after reading the other books, and then answers to a million other questions you didn't actually have.

This feels more like reading a library than a book series - whether this makes you want to read it more or less depends on your taste.

Also! Last year they released The Nature of Middle Earth, which is in the same vein as these but I haven't read it yet so I don't feel quite comfortable saying "Oh yeah this is when you should read it!"

Tolkien as a person: biography, letters and essays

JRR Tolkien: A Biography (by Humphrey Carpenter)

The Letters of JRR Tolkien

The Monsters and the Critics and Other Essays

I'm not the best person to ask about studying Tolkien as a person, but these are probably the most famous (and important) books.

The Letters also contain a lot of info about Middle Earth, so they might be worth taking a look even if you, like me, don't feel like reading tons of biographies.

For fans of all things medieval

The Fall of Arthur

Beowulf: A Translation and Commentary, together with Sellic Spell

Finn and Hengest: The Fragment and the Episode

The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrun

The Story of Kullervo

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Pearl and Sir Orfeo

The Lay of Aotrou and Itroun

These are all translations, commentaries or deliberate imitations of actual medieval texts, as opposed to the ahistorical quasimedieval thing the legendarium has got going on. You probably shouldn't touch these if poetry scares you, though.

And that's it...?

Not really, no. There are other publications if you're a completist, but these are the major ones in every category I can think of. There should be some 30-40 books here anyway, so this should keep you busy for a while!

Note that I won't revisit this post to update it every time a new book is released, so for more recent books, use your best judgment!

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

Hi! I’m curious about your extra year of high school gap year in Italy! How did you get involved with that? Is there an organization that arranges these experiences? And how did you fit into high school there, given that, as far as I know, students there specialize toward a career earlier than in the US? Did you already speak Italian? You’re describing my dream that I thought was impossible!

Yes!!! I am more than happy to talk about this and help high school students find potential resources, because it is very much possible!! [Important note before I start: I am speaking entirely from a USA perspective. I know there are exchange programs in other countries, but I don't know about them.]

I got lucky; I knew about the potential for a gap year exchange student program since forever because my mom had done the same thing back in the 80's - take a gap year between high school and college, and attend an extra year of high school abroad.

While there are a number of programs out there that do gap years for exchange students, I ended up going through Youth For Understanding (YFU). I looked into a few different programs but in the end YFU was the best fit for me, and I honestly would really recommend them. They've been around since 1951 so they have a lot of experience, and they were actually the exact same program that my mom went through. I will say, it does cost some money, but the costs are also WAY less than a single year at a state university. I know some people in my same program had scholarships, so that is definitely a possibility.

The way it works is you apply for a program, then before you're fully accepted YFU sends out a representative to interview you. The interview is to see if you would be a good fit for the program, and if you seem like you would be able to handle living with strangers in a different country. Then YFU partners with an exchange program in your target country and creates a profile about you. They send your profile to families looking for an exchange student, so that the family can decide if they think you'll be a good fit. You get to choose which country you want to go to, but you rarely get to choose where you get to go within that country; it all depends on where your host family lives.

They also take care of enrolling you in school; if you have host siblings, you will usually go to the same high school that they do. You have a YFU connection in the states, but more importantly you also have an adult representative of YFU (who is NOT your host family) from the target country to help you take care of problems that might arise. Any issues with school, visas, travel, host family problems, etc., the representative will help you deal with.

Now, I didn't mean to choose Italy. I actually had planned on going to a French speaking country. My mom had done her gap year in French Switzerland, and I had taken 3 years of high school French. However, I have never ever in my entire life been good at planning long term and I waited too long - by the time I applied for the program, every single spot in every single Francophone country was full. But I figured, hey, Italy is pretty, and it has lots of history, and it's a still a romance language, right?

So yeah, going in I didn't actually speak any Italian, though I think my knowledge of French grammar helped a little bit. But honestly, there is quite simply no better way to learn a language than to be immersed in it. If you've studied languages at all I'm sure you've heard that before, but it's true. Studying a language in high school is light-years away from real immersion, but that's expected. YFU actually organized Italian language lessons for everyone in the Italy program because they assumed that no one had any experience with Italian.

As far as fitting in goes, it's kind of like any other high school. Yeah, some places do choose a vague career path by high school, but that doesn't mean you won't fit in. In fact, one of my problems was that everyone in my class was super studious and didn't have a lot of time to hang out - it had nothing to do with a lack of friendliness. Usually you start out as the oddity that everyone wants to know and ask questions of, and as time goes on there are usually at least one or two students who become true friends, legitimately interested in you as a person and not just as "the foreign exchange student". Of course, just like any other time in your life, there's no way to predict or plan who you will meet or get along with. That's part of the journey of it all.

I cannot recommend doing a gap year exchange program highly enough. Having already graduated high school meant that I didn't have to worry about my grades at all, and I could focus on the experience of living in another country with another family. It was also my first experience really being on my own, and because I was older (18-19) I felt more comfortable and confident than if I had gone when I was younger. Because it is definitely not always easy or smooth sailing, even for the most prepared or well-adjusted of students.

If you or any other student has any other questions about what it's like to participate in a high school exchange program, please message me!! That gap year was, to this day, one of the best things I've ever done and I would love to help more people get to have that experience.

[hecate-spawn]

It's free rent right?

A one shot with my obey me oc Megan

Cw: none

Room decorating is fun. Especially if you're a mythology or fandom nerd. I'm both. So my room my have one to many chibi posters or Gods, anime and book characters. And maybe a smallish clutter of fairy figurines. But in all honesty, back at my apartment is worse. Both of my roommates can confirm this.  But there's something about putting familiar stuff in a new room that makes it a little less homesick. And it's not permanent since I stuck it to the walls instead of using pushpins. Even if I'm only stuff in this fancy ass mansion (aka the house of lamentation) for a year I still want to feel comfortable here since outside is quite literally a whole new world. 

Getting down from my stool and flop onto my impossibly soft bed and think about everything that transpired these last three hours.  These are the only things that I've properly understood:

I'm stuck here for a year

I'm living with six demons, three of which are taller than me adding to their scare factor

I have to polish my soul or whatever so I don't fucking die

I can die because apparently demons eat humans (but humans with shiny souls scary demons)

all of them seem like manipulative shits (except maybe the Diavolo guy)

free rent

I'm still very confused as to why I was chosen for this exchange program. I'm not particularly smart. My grades are pretty average, well except my English ones but those have always been good. Shouldn't some honor roll or scholarship student be here and not me? This seems way too hard. But at least I get free. Wait, I do get free rent right?

"Ah fuck," I curse to the silence of my room. They didn't mention that I had to pay, but it's a definite possibility. How much money would they be dropping on me for groceries? Electrical bills? Water bills?  It's better to straight up ask Lucifer then worry about it for hours, even days.

So, gathering any courage that came to me, I stand up, walk to the door and then turn and walk to my shelf. I paced my room once, twice, three times, and more. I just stopped counting at three. I can't help it. It's scary. Interacting with new people, not even people literally demons, you've known for three hours. Sure they've offered to help you, sure they're letting you stay in their residence, but it all felt wrong. Like I shouldn't have their help. Like I wasn't worth it. But I'm always like this with help. I really need to stop being such a bitch. 

"Alright fucker, we're opening this door on three," I whisper, holding my breath. "One, two, three-" As the last word escapes my lips I close my eyes, turn the handle, and open the door. I stand in my doorway with my eyes closed and a hand on the knob of my door for what feels like an eternity but was probably only half a minute. Opening one eye I exhale and sigh in relief. No one witnessed my bout of stupidity. Now that won't be in the back of my mind if I ever talk to one of them. Good job Megan, actually doing something right here. My self congratulations doesn't last long because soon, I am a little lost. The demon dumbass septuplets didn't exactly give me a proper tour. Money bitch (aka Mammon) just showed me to my room and claimed he had more important things to do than babysit a human. I'm not sure if that's true though.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Freezing in my journey up some stairs I freeze and feel my blood run cold. That may be the voice I'm looking for but I feel like this wasn't a good situation to hear it in. I feel like a deer caught in head lights or a child who was eating cookies at three am and was suddenly found out. 

"I'm sorry!" I say turning around. All my hairs are standing on end and everything in my body is telling me to run. "I- I was looking for you, but I got lost since I don't know the house very well and it's really big, so I kinda just wandered around since I didn't know where you'd be. I wasn't aware this section of the house was off limits I swear I'm not lying!"

Lucifer looks less suspicious and angry, rather more tired. "You could've just texted me," he sighs. He's right. Would've been the better way to solve this. But here I am making shit complicated.

Sorry didn't think of that," I apologize. "U-um anyway, do I pay rent to live here? Because like, in my university if you don't get in on a scholarship then you have to pay to stay in the dorms so I was wondering if it was the same deal to stay here."

Did Mammon tell you this? That you had to pay rent?" The dude sounds exasperated as hell. I guess his younger brother is a piece of work, and a scammer. 

"No, I just jumped to conclusions," I reply.

"Staying here is free of charge. I'm doubtful you even have Grimm. We just expect you to do your tasks."

"Great won't be a problem." And I like the absolute moron I am, I do finger guns. At a demon. If god stuck me down now I wouldn't mind. 

Let me walk you back to your room Megan," he says expertly ignoring my moment of utter cringe. 

Sure. And just Meg is fine." I scurry down the stairs so I can keep in pace with him, making sure to look anywhere but his face. Here less than 24 hours and I've already shown my incompetence. Typical.

[trekkiehood]

Love Ruins - SPN Fanfic

Title: Love Ruins

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 2.8k

Setting: Pre-Series Brotherhood AU

Characters: Dean, John, Caleb, Sam, Mac, Jim

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: After some convincing from his father, Dean decides to drop out of high school.

Sort of a sequel to "Love Reminds Us" by Ridley

Trigger Warnings: Grades Shaming, Embarrassment

Authors Note:

You see I was working on my Febuwhump stories and then suddenly wrote this out of nowhere. It doesn't fit with any of the prompts and I'd be hard pressed to call it whump. So here we are!

~~~

It's probably not my best ever writing but I wrote it in like three hours when I was supposed to be doing other things.

I was inspired after re-reading "Love Reminds Us" by Ridley.

"Dad I can't." Dean regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth.

John spun on him, anger gleaming in his eyes. Sam looked up from where he was reading a book on the couch, a look of shock at Dean's insubordination. "What do you mean you can't."

The eighteen-year-old shrunk back. "I-I have to pass this English test. It's tomorrow and we've gone hunting every night this week."

"Since when do you care about your grades?" John rolled his eyes.

"Since I'm failing and need to bring my grade up if I want to play baseball next month. I've already made the team but they won't let me play if I'm not passing all my classes."

"We don't have time for this, Dean."

"Oh yes, Heaven forbid your son's spend their time on something other than hunting." Sam piped in before returning to his book.

John ignored him. "We don't have time for all this crap and we certainly don't have time for baseball! We might have to move soon."

"But- but you promised we could stay-" And Dean felt all of ten. The look his father shot him confirmed that he sounded like a whining baby.

"Y'know I expect this kind of behavior from your brother but not from you! It just confirms that you need to go on this hunt!"

"Dad, please. Just let me pass this test-"

John's response was unexpected. He pulled out his wallet, pulling out the bills from his last hustle. He slammed down two hundred dollars on the kitchen table. "Drop out, and you can have that." He pointed to the money.

Dean's eyes widened slightly. "Wait, are you serious? You want me to drop out?!"

Sam was once again watching the scene go down, his book forgotten.

"You'll be lucky if you graduate anyway. Just take the money and put us both out of our misery."

"But what about college!" Sam stood from his place on the couch. The fourteen year old had been obsessed with college since the summer before where Mac had given Dean half a dozen college applications to fill out. Dean hadn't even filled out one. But he did keep the baseball scholarship tucked in the bottom of his bag where he was sure no one would find it.

"Your brother isn't going to college. He knows that, I know that, everyone knows that! Dean's a hunter and you are too! The sooner you get that into your thick skull-!"

"It's fine!" Dean cut in. "I'll go on the hunt. Let's just go."

John sent his youngest a final glare before nodding and heading out the door.

~SPN~

Everything hurt. Everything hurt and the lights were too bright and Dean wasn't exactly sure what he was writing. The hunt hadn't been as simple as John had believed it to be and they had arrived back just in time for Dean to stumble into the shower and wake Sam up for school. He certainly hadn't had time to study.

The bell rang and Dean blinked down at his test. He'd done maybe half of it. And he was pretty sure he'd gotten most of those wrong anyway. He turned in his paper without making eye contact with the teacher.

He tried not to think about the test or the implications. He had done a pretty good job at succeeding until lunch when the teacher called him into her room. Dean made the propper show of rolling his eyes at the guy he was sitting with, then followed her back to his English classroom.

"You failed your test. Pretty significantly in fact." She started, very straightforward.

Dean shrugged, "Guess English isn't my thing."

"You do realize that this was your final chance of bringing your grade up before the baseball season starts."

He shrugged again.

The teacher ran her eyes over him and frowned. Dean could just imagine what she was seeing. Maybe it was his black eye. Or possibly the split lip. He had to keep from messing with his sleeve to ensure that the bruises from the poltergeist were covered on his arms.

"Dean," She started, with those cursed compassionate eyes he'd seen far too many times in his life. "If there's something going on, some problem at home, just tell me and we can work this out. I can get you help."

He couldn't help but bristle. "Nothing's wrong. I don't need help. I'm fine. The only thing wrong with me is this stupid school and it's nosy teachers."

The teacher had no chance to respond before he stormed out of the room.

~SPN~

John was sitting at the table when the boys got home. The two hundred dollars were still sitting on the edge of the table. Dean went over, picked up the money and slammed down the school's withdrawal notice.

John nodded with approval.

"No way!" Sam shouted. "You did not!"

"Your brother did what needed to be done, son."

"What- He dropped out of highschool! He's officially a highschool dropout!"

In that statement, Dean heard every teacher whispering behind his back. Every counselor lamenting his fate when they thought the door was closed. "And your point." Dean hissed.

Sam shook his head, barking a laugh. "I always knew you were a pushover but this- this takes it to a whole new level."

Dean flinched when Sam's bedroom door closed.

"Don't worry about him." John smiled. "You made the right choice. Made two hundred dollars out of it too." He winked.

Dean nodded but he had a feeling no one else would agree with his decision. He wasn't even sure that he agreed with it himself.

~SPN~

Sam's obsession with school only grew after Dean dropped out. He took every opportunity to talk about his classes and everything happening. Dean did his best to ignore him.

Dean had gotten a job at the same repair shop as his dad. At least no one there seemed to care what he was doing or gave him speeches about wasted potential.

But now they were heading to Jim's. Dad was working on a case in Kentucky and had decided they could use the time at the Farm. It was cheaper. Sam looked at Dean like his dropping out was the sole reason for them moving.

Dean didn't understand his brother's reaction. Sam had to realize that this was his only option. His dad had made very clear baseball wasn't happening. And his test just confirmed it. Between his dad's training regiment and the hunts he probably wouldn't have been able to bring up his grade. Why waste all that time when he might not pass anyway?

And as for baseball… yeah he was bummed. It sucked he wouldn't get his last season. But that wasn't a fight worth having. It didn't matter with the way his grades were. And the dropping out hadn't shocked anyone. Even his guidance counselor didn't look overly surprised. There was a brief speech about making sure this was the best thing but it was half hearted at best. Everyone knew this was coming. Why disappoint them.

But Mac and Jim… they wouldn't understand. Mac was the champion of education and Jim had always harped on the importance of his studies. Damian was the wild card. Dean remembered Caleb in his senior year trying to convince those around him that dropping out was for the best. In the end he had finished school, largely because he didn't want to set a bad example for Dean. Well there went that. He was dropping out anyway, no example needed.

They pulled into the Farm and Dean noticed Caleb's jeep as well as Mac's rental of choice. All hope of them not being there went out the window. Dean took his time getting out of the car and gathering his things. He hoped to avoid the topic for as long as possible. Dean knew they'd be going in tomorrow to register Sam for school. Dean hoped to see if he could register for the GED while in town. He'd managed to look up some of the laws on a library computer. Thanks to his dad's generous donation, he had more than enough to pay for the test. He was supposed to have been withdrawn for ninety days but he thought he could probably get around it by saying he'd just moved here. Same with the address. He'd just have it sent to the farm and attempt to intercept any mail that happened to come in. He knew he should probably take a course or something to get him ready, but he knew exactly how well that would go down. He'd just have to hope that he wasn't as stupid as people seemed to think that he was.

Dean followed his family inside, carrying both his and Sam's bag. They were greeted by Jim cooking in the kitchen, humming lightly. He smiled when he saw them. "Welcome home boys."

"Yeah for what, two weeks until Dad gets a new case?"

"Sam!" Dean reprimanded, shoving the boys duffel into his arms. "Go take your stuff upstairs."

Jim was unphased by Sam's poor attitude. It had become the norm as of late. "Your room is ready upstairs, and I believe Caleb is up there as well."

Sam didn't answer, huffing up the stairs like he had been tasked with a great burden. Mac then appeared from the Hunter's Tomb. "I was wondering when you all would arrive."

Dean knew he should probably take his own bag upstairs but the idea of having to be in the same room as Sam just then didn't sound overly appealing. But Sam must have just dropped his stuff off because he was already coming back down the stairs, Caleb close behind.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Caleb grinned.

Dean just rolled his eyes. "Good to see you too, Damian."

"Well, dinner is almost ready." Jim said, returning to his stove. "Then we can discuss the game plan for tomorrow. I've already called the school so they should be expecting us."

Dean involuntarily tensed at the mention of school. Caleb's eyes darkened. "You good there, Deuce?"

"Dean's just relieved he doesn't have to worry about it." Sam spit out. With the way Sam treated the situation, you'd think Dean had abandoned a group of starving orphans when he dropped out.

"Sam." Dean growled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Caleb eyed the brothers and Dean made sure to pull up his mental walls.

"Dean doesn't have to worry about school anymore, right Dean?"

"Just shut up, Sam."

"What seems to be the problem?" Mac frowned, his eyebrows showing his confusion and concern.

"My big brother here dropped out of high school." Sam supplied with far too much glee at the uncomfortable position he'd put his brother in.

The young hunter tried to remain casual but could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

"Dean, is this true?" Macland asked, taking a step forward.

Dean opened his mouth but it was John who spoke. "He's eighteen, he had the right to drop out."

"And you support this?!" Mac gasped in disbelief.

Sam laughed, "Endorsed it? Dad bribed him to do it!"

"Enough Sam." Dean growled. He'd been hoping for more time. Hoping to bring it up in a way that wasn't like releasing a rampaging bull in the middle of a china shop.

"So you're allowed to ruin your life but I'm not allowed to talk about it?"

"Will you just get off my case! It's done. It's over. Drop it!"

"He wasn't going to pass anyway." John added. "It's saving time and money."

Dean pulled into himself. "It was one class, Dad." He felt the need to defend himself in front of the other hunters despite the fact that he'd been thinking the same thing. "I could have brought it up."

"School has never been your thing, Ace. This was the best course of action."

"Jonathan!" Mac exclaimed. "How could you endorse this? What about college?"

"Dean's place isn't at college. He's a hunter and he doesn't need some fancy degree getting in his way. I need him here. Hunting with me and taking care of Sam. That's his place. Not some overpriced college filling his head with useless facts!"

"What happened to setting a good example?" Caleb crossed his arms. Dean wasn't sure exactly what the older boy was thinking. He wasn't sure he wanted to. "Remember that whole spiel you gave me about sticking with it to be an example to your kids."

"That." John matched his posture. "Was at your father's request. And I don't think Dean's dropping out is going to have an effect on Sam. Except maybe to make him graduate top of his class out of spite."

"Can we just drop it? Please." Dean hoped he didn't sound as pitiful as he imagined. "Talking about it isn't going to change it. Dad's right. He needed me on hunts and school was getting in the way."

"Most parents make school a priority." Sam muttered.

"Well this parent prioritizes saving the world to flunking out in a classroom."

The silence that followed was only broken when Jim softly said, "Let's eat."

They gathered around the table in a thick silence. Jim said grace and they started to eat. Dean kept his eyes on his plate, forcing in the food that held no real appeal. The pastor began involving the table with small talk and the tense silence slowly broke away into the normal chatter.

Dean noticed Caleb staring at him but ignored it. He wasn't in the mood for his best friend's condemnation. He'd gotten everyone's message loud and clear.

He was the first to excuse himself, making his way quickly to the room he and Sam shared. He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and allowing the traitorous thoughts to come. Thoughts that he had tried to drown out since he was a kid. Thoughts about being normal and having a normal family that did normal things. He wondered briefly how different things would be if his mom hadn't died. Would they still be in Kansas, baseball contract signed with a big party planned for after his graduation?

He needed to stop. If he didn't he was going to start crying or something else incredibly girly.

A knock at the door had him sitting up. Great. Here came the lectures.

"It's me." Caleb said.

He plopped back down on the bed. "Door's unlocked."

"You left dinner pretty quick. Pastor Jim hadn't even brought the pie out."

"I doubt you're here to talk about pie so just get it over with." He answered, eyes trained on the ceiling above him.

Caleb sighed, sitting on Sam's bed. "I'm not mad at you."

"Well that's a relief." He rolled his eyes.

"But I do want to know why."

"You heard Dad's spiel."

"That's Johnny's reasoning. I want to know yours."

Dean turned to look at him. "Dude, he offered me two hundred bucks to stop going to school. How is that not the dream."

"What about baseball?"

Dean looked away. "I wasn't going to play anyway. You have to be passing to play."

"And you weren't passing."

"No. Thought Dad made that pretty clear."

"He shouldn't have called you out like that."

"But he was right. I couldn't bring up my English grade. I should have taken his offer before I embarrassed myself with that test."

Caleb frowned, "So, you didn't take the chance immediately."

"What does it matter, Damian? I dropped out. No one's surprised. I'm pretty sure the counselor already had the forms in my file."

"And college?"

"We both knew that was never going to happen."

"You can still go if you want. You could go back to school. Or even get your GED-"

"Will you just stop! I get it, okay?! It was stupid. I ruined my future. It doesn't matter, Caleb. The only thing I'll ever be is a hunter. It's the only thing in the cards. And if I recall, you wanted to drop out just as bad and if your dad would have let you, you would have."

"But I didn't. And I graduated from Auburn and started my own company."

"Great. You can add that to your list along with a trust fund and a supportive parent."

"You're not going to change your mind."

"No. I'm not."

"Fine. But answer me this. And I'll know if you're lying."

"Whatever."

"If your dad didn't tell you to drop out, would you have?"

Dean didn't answer, staring at the ceiling. Then he sighed. "I had to drop out just as much as you had to graduate."

Caleb frowned, but nodded. "I'll ask Mac to spare you the speech."

"Thanks." His mouth twitched slightly.

"And if you're really good, I might even save you a piece of pie."

"You're all heart, Damian."

"Don't insult me." He grunted as he rose from the bed. "Now. I'd get back to fake sleeping before brainboy decides to come up and ruin the peace and quiet."

Dean didn't answer as Caleb left, shutting the door behind him.

~TH~

Be sure to let me know what you think!

And be on the lookout for... a lot of stories come February. I really am hoping to post one every day and while not all are brotherhood, a lot are.

I live and breathe comments, so I would greatly appreciate feedback :)

God bless,

Jamie

[beautifulexpertduckvoid]

I’m gonna share something about my past that I don’t really like talking about because it made me feel worthless. I don’t like reliving it…

When I was 18 my parents were getting separated and she had to wait three years before it becomes official divorced… but during that time I moved out because I didn’t want to pick either one… I learned how to do nails when I was 16 in trade school… so by 18 I had my license… and I was going to college and when all of that happened I moved out and I was helping my parents pay rent at each of their places… but my mom met her second which is her bf now… and my dad went back to Vietnam and married some chick… and I was over here struggling to go to college and maintain my gpa for my scholarship and work… but eventually my dad had A car accident and totaled his car and he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he was put in a nursing home and during that time my mom had asked me to move in back with her and seeing that dad was in a nursing home and I was struggling living on my own so I move back in with her that's how I found out she had a boyfriend. But I didn't know who it was and so I was taking care of my dad as he was deteriorating... But mom and I moved to Huntington Beach and we were living there... But when I was 23 and months away from me graduating with my masters my dad passed away... I was devastated... So I took on all of his medical bills... And I took on his funeral expenses... And I sent my mom with my dad's ashes to be buried under my grand parents feet because he was the only son out of 8 kids... And that's all I could afford... Mom used that time together a breast augmentation in vietnam... Without telling me... And when she came back she asked Leon to come from Las Vegas to move in with her... I didn't didn't even bother to walk my graduation... During my college years I interened for Barbra boxer the senator... So she recommended me for the ice agent job... I was in UVSA organization... And I always wanted to be a lawyer... But I realized I need to start working because I graduated in 2009... And so my mom told me why don't u take that ICE job because she didn't want me living with her with her bf... And I needed the money to pay off all the bills anyways... So I worked at Aliso Viejo the zigarette building... Then they transferred me to Long Beach but on that very day I was goingone of the officers shot his supervisor... So they said there's an internal investigation now we are gonna send u to El paso TX... With the economy with the way it was I didn't really have a choice... So I left and went to El paso...

After years of it I couldn't handle it anymore I quit... Because it was to much for me. I came back and I was living on my own... And I didn't feel like working nails... So I went back to school to get my teaching credentials... But I took up a part time job with a gangster childhood friend of mine... And he trusted me... He like why don't u run my underground casino... And that's when I met my ex fiancé... I did that for a year and finished my teaching credentials... So yes I'm a professor... But I only have a masters degree the community colleges won't give me a full time job... I had many part-time classes... That took a toll on me... So I went to go back to doing nails... But this time I invested into doing the fake nails not just manicures and pedicures... I jumped to many different shops all over Orange county and Los Angeles... Eventually I met my Miyagi... He taught me alot... But In any apprenticeship you eventually venture out on your own and you find your own way so I quit the shop and I started going to different shops to learn different techniques this was before you know Instagram was popular... I honned my skills and experiences it made me realized I liked doing this I don't have to think alot I can go into auto drive and think or listen to music or books... As I work and they are always coming out with new things that I can do... what I enjoy the most is the Gratification... When my customers love my work... Just seeing them smile made me happy so I started to enjoy it alot more... But during this time I hadn't talked to my mom because I was mad that she kicked me out... But since things were starting to serious with my bf at the time... And his family frowned on me being an orphan... That I would be a big responsibility for him... They didn't want him to continue the relationship... So he asked me to reach out to my mom... That's why I did... I gave it a another chance... And I made it intention and my purpose... But after what happened this weekend I feel like I just as unworthy as I was when kicked me out back then...

That's why I've always kept ppl at arm's length... But I've changed... I know my worth today but it still hurts...

I that's why I'm scared Jorge... But telling u this is me taking a step towards u... I never felt so unwanted and worthless then when she kicked me out back then... It took me a long time to get here...

I tried so hard to mend things even after I broke up with my ex... With her... But now I realized she doesnt love me she never did... But now I'm just going to cut my losses and move on...

Going Thur this now hurts alot... But this time I know myself worth and I can defend myself alot better... But not matter how much I love her she won't change... So I have to cut my losses and move on... I will have to cut all access to me... And move on... I want u to know this before u want to push forward...

I don't know how many nights I cried alone... And only the four walls would hear me cry... How worthless I felt... It didn't matter if I was pretty or ugly on the outside... I had this empty feeling inside... And spent alot of time finding myself because I wanted purpose... But now its just a memory... But I shouldn't have gave it another chance... ppl don't change... back then she didn't care about me so why would she care now... But I had hope... now it's rearing it's ugly head again…