#like idkkk at the end of the day nothing will change

[ash-and-starlight]

Hi, love your art so it’s easy to recognize, someone reposted it on Tiktok, @/irlmikayuu, it has 304.4K likes and 1.3M views. I know you don’t allow reposts so I just wanted to let you know.

bruh.

i just. ok i have decided to not care (i say while pulling my teeth out one by one with a pair of pliers) but really look at those numbers. i KNOW i get a lot of interactions on my posts and i’m super grateful for it! i never. EVER reached 300k likes. ever. idk like i know engagement does not equal worth yadda yadda but why the fuck should i keep bothering taking hours to draw shit when a random tiktoker can repost it and get 30 times more likes than i ever did what the fuck. i’m fine this is fine

[soliddaddy96]

so freaking depressed right now

[knifegrrrl1312]

so i feel like how aspec sexuality connecting to abandonment trauma and personality disorders is not talked ab enough, well it is by ppl with personality disorders but i wanna talk ab it basically w my experience w bpd and being aro/ace spectrum

and i know fellow bpd havers know the feeling of being unlovable very well. For me i'm demiromantic and it would take literal years for me to actually develop a genuine romantic attraction to someone, and if when i do, that person would straight up become my fp and it would be torture pain and suffering (for me mostly)

Like romantic feelings for me is nothing fun, because its linked to my mental issues inherently i feel. And i still want a romantic relationship one day but that feeling of being unlovable and like, i'm just not suited for it (in the sense that i couldnt handle it i feel) is like,, i will just not try there is no point. I will suffer for another person always wondering do they hate me will they leave me, ofc they will there's not much i can offer even. I will end up hating the person i love and then go back to loving them and then hating them etc etc.. Not to mention amanormativity (idkkk if thats how u spell it or if thats the right term) but basically i assume people want something from me that i simply cannot give. I will never be able to have sex with someone, i will never want to, I actually just wouldn't put myself thru that for someone else and because i feel like thats all anyone would actually want from me i will just probably never want to be in a relationship. Like for me personally i'm supperrr asexual like u have no idea i've known i was ace since i was literally 10 yrs old and nothing has changed i will always be like this, and i dont mind doing *some* suggestive sexual stuff if its fun and chill but the second a line gets crossed i just want no part in it and i refuse to put myself thru that.

And i'm also very fine w being single like i only ever feel like i want a gf once in awhile but i feel completely whole just by myself and my life is objectively easier and more relaxing without romance. For me i don't think i'll actually be ready for a genuine romantic relationship until i feel like i am and that will be hopefully when i'm older lol

Idk i feel like because of the stigma against aro/ace ppl and also the experience of bpd, it enhances the feeling of being unlovable. But I want to make it clear to ppl reading this post that i'm aware that i actually am lovable, this is just a feeling. And i didn't write this to complain, and if you have the same experience as me or a similar one, that doesn't mean there is no hope for you or for me. The world is so much bigger than how my brain perceives everything. Like i do want to stress that these feelings are mostly a symptom of my mental illness lol and if you have bpd or a pd it doesn't make you unlovable, bc everyone is lovable by default yknow.

Even people who's hearts are a mouthful, like mine. And even if ur reading this and you don't have the experience of having a pd but you still have feelings of being unlovable or like, there is no hope for you in romance because you are arospec or acespec or both like me, well there is hope for everyone because the world is so much bigger than societies stigma and people are as diverse as the stars.. But lmk if you have a similar experience anywayz ppl <3

[the1975attheirverybest]

To be honest I agree with ☀️ anon. I didn't want to say it bc I didn't want to look like I was finding similarities between him and Taylor because it's not what this is about. To me it looks like he gradually detached himself from social media. He used to be much more open on them, then he sheltered a bit, then Twitter is gone and now IG. And you're right: he might come back, but I do think that the more you get famous the more detached you have to be. And of course he still care, he's still a darling to people waiting for him in airports, but maybe he doesn't want to give so much of him away. I think even Harry Styles was much more open in 1D days.

Having said that I also think he got kind of lost in this character during this era and shedding that character required for him to take a step back from the environment that contributed to create such character. Like he said: the era of him being an asshole came to an end. Maybe that and the apparent beginning of a new relationship made him want to take a break and focus on himself or said relationship.

I say this with the utmost respect to anyone who feels sad because I remember how I felt when Taylor disappeared from anywhere and how she changed. Feeling sad is completely normal. What I wrote is what I think and of course it means nothing.

I know what you mean, though I’m not sure that he got lost in the character. I’d really love for him to talk about it at some point though I doubt interviewers will know to ask him that kind of question. Unless they’re also a fan of the band/ have followed this whole thing. Idkkk.

It’s different with Matty than Harry and Taylor. It’s difficult to explain because on the one hand, he wasn’t sharing his everyday life with us when he was online but on the other hand, sharing the things that he did made it more personal. Because he was avoiding the impulse to curate a presence online. Like he was treating Instagram as a game not as Instagram. Which, kind of like his stage persona, made him more honest.

Oh well. At the end of the day, it’s a choice he made and we should respect and support it. I’m sure he has his reasons. Whatever they may be.

[bratz-kitten]

hi sexy kitten! i saw your aqua mercury post on ghosting and shit and damn I relate a lot. I’m a libra mercury in 11th and I didn’t even realize I was doing this until recently lol. The thing is I barely text other people bc answering is always kind of too exhausting for me and so I end up not answering for days (or weeks) even if I’m texting with my closest friends? And it’s not even like i don’t wanna talk to them or anything but I’m just not doing it idkkk

I’m also living in my head wayyy too much, like my mind is always, and I mean truly always, running. I think about the people I care a lot but I’m nearly never the one who reaches out? That’s also why I lost contact to a lot of my friends I went to school with for years and it just sucks. It’s totally shitty behaviour of me.

But yeah I’m happy that i got into astrology bc it truly helps me realize my faults and what I need to work on to become my best self. Astrology is truly amazing and such a useful tool for self-improvement!!

Anyways, stay safe my love

i want to say that it’s not shitty behaviour of you. sadly, self-isolation is part of the human condition and i think that making yourself feel shitty for not having the social battery to engage with anyone outside a few people isn’t necessarily a fault. i think what you should focus on is: what brought you to this point? why do you isolate yourself? because only by understanding the root of the issue can you understand why you act like this, and learn to communicate better with others so that they dont feel like your sudden leaves are their fault. perhaps you were brought up in an environment where you constantly had to isolate yourself (lock yourself in your room so you wouldnt hear your parents’ fights, or so they couldnt hurt you, etc) or perhaps some part of you can’t accept happiness and love because, for some reason, you dont feel deserving of it - which circles back to a very low self-esteem. perhaps you feel abandoned so you always leave before you get left, or you use daydreams as a way to escape reality because being in the present is hard. perhaps it’s all of this or nothing and something else, and that’s what needs to be addressed. also i want to say that dont be too hard on yourself because with having to quarantine for a whole year it’s more than expected that you’d fall back into old patterns and behaviors, and communication becomes harder when you’re forced inside your own head for so long. and i do like that no matter your mercury, a lot of people are relating to this because it just goes to show how we might feel alone but we’re all facing the same internal struggles. so yeah, dont be hard on yourself, understand why you feel the need to do this and, also, dont hang around people who try to change this in your or guilttrip you into hanging out with them or start fights over thinking that this is because of them. you need to be around people who understand that it’s not about them but your own problems, and you need to be around people who make you feel safe to come back to whenever you feel ready. i love you and i hope you stay safe as well

[rock-n-roll-refugee]

Brain Damage

Malcolm Bright X Reader

A/N: lol this show really just proves that my type is an exhausted psychopathic white boys. Oh well here’s a fanfic

Also there are spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t seen it because many scenes in this fic come straight from the show baby!

“Y/N” Gil speaks as he walks into my laboratory with JT and Dani, “thanks for hustling on this. I know these homicides were-”

“Amazing!” I said finishing up the autopsy report, “I mean, I’ve only read about The Surgeon’s meathods in textbooks. To see them carried out in person, it’s a real thrill!” Gil just raised an eyebrow as I walked towards them.

“So, three victims... based on the tox report, each one was injected with a different cocktail of paralytic agents that shut their bodies down one system at a time.” I explained using hand gestures with a surgical knife in one hand, “It must have been agony”

“It was”

Everyone turned to the voice in the doorway. There stood a tall, thin, and exhausted looking man, who undoubtedly was quite attractive.

“I imagine” he said catching my gaze, making me blush, “I have a preliminary profile.”

“Damn, Bright, you sleep at all?” Gil said.

‘Huh Bright that’s an odd name.’ She thought to herself

“Wow” Bright said pulling her out of her thoughts, “this suture work is amazing. These Y-incisions. You’re like Picasso with formaldehyde.” He said looking at me with his breathtaking blue eyes.

“Thanks” I chuckled back getting flustered. “And you’re very... slender” I mentally face palmed at my response and awkwardly looked away.

“Yeah, well, most food makes me sick” he said winking at me.

“What’s happening?” JT whispered to Dani as she shrugged.

Bright, Gil, Dani, and JT all discuss Bright’s profile and the case, but for some reason, I just couldn’t keep my eyes of that boy. Something about him drew me to him, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. The subtle wickedness in his smile and I could from his eyes, that he held something in his mind that cut deep, something he wanted to say, something that eats him inside and out. But who knows, right? I’m probably just over examining this kid, he probably just has insomnia or something. 

“They're also strangers.” Gil said drawing my attention yet again, “Nothing connects them. 

“Except for these.” Bright says as he lifts up the corpse’s arm. I tilt my head, “All three victims had the same bruising on their wrists. This does not match The Surgeon's methods.” Bright explains making me smirk.

‘This boy really is observant. Wonder who taught him.’ I think to myself. 

“Maybe our guy handcuffed Vanessa?” JT asks looking at the bodies. 

“These aren't from metal. My guess is quarter-inch-thick Japanese-style bondage rope. Simple but effective.” Bright replies.

“Exactly!” I blurt excitedly, causing Bright to turn his gaze towards me, giving a small smile, “I mean... I agree about the rope and its effectiveness, and, and everything else that you said.” I say embarrassed as ever, words shifting to mutters after realizing that I’m rambling. 

“Also, these bruises don't match the time of death. They're from earlier. Three days at least.” I say shifting my attention to Gil, “So, the women were all restrained, but not on the night that they were murdered.” 

Bright gave me a smile smile as the four continued to discuss possible suspects. Within ten minutes, they were already out with a lead, leaving me alone with my bodies. 

“What is going on in your head Mr. Bright?” I sigh leaning on one of the tables, looking at one of the bodies as if to find an answer. 

~~~

“Damnit!” I yelled at my computer screen, seeing as I have only one move left on my game of Candy Crush, “fucking stupid game, only 40-year-old stay-at-home moms think you're fun!” I say as I wave my middle fingers around at the screen. Groaning, I start up a new game, when I hear someone running toward my lab. 

“No one should be here this late...” I say to myself, walking towards my door. When Bright bursts in, nearly hitting my face with the door. He stumbles in holding a blue and white cooler. 

“Bright? What are you doing here?” I say running to my computer to switch the screen to my emails, “if you're looking for the bodies, I already sent them out to another lab, but I mean if it’s importa-

“You really don’t need to hide the fact that you were playing games on your computer...” he interrupts, out of breath.

“Bright, what? Are you-whats going on? Did you run here?” 

“Almost...” he says slouching over, “I tried catching up to the ambulance... they left without this” 

He drops the blue cooler onto one of the tables. I notice blood spattered all over his clothes and face.

“Oh goodness! You have blood all over you! What the hell did you do? Are you okay?” I say running to him holding his shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah... I’m fine, uh I don’t know how to say this,” he says looking up at me with his bright blue eyes, “theres a severed hand in there.”

“What?!” I scream.

“We located Nico, turns out he was being held by our new suspect and there was a bomb, and, well, it was the only way.” he explained, still trying to regain his breath, “the ambulance left with Nico and I didn’t know what to do with this, so I brought it here to see if you could to any DNA tests?” 

I stood speechless for a moment, “Bright, I don’t think I have any permission to do this, besides I don’t have any access to any very accurate tests, its not like i have FBI equipment.”

“Right, I’m sorry. I’m just not quite use to working like this” he says, confusing me.

“Well the least I can do is get you cleaned up.” I said looking at his blood spattered face. I take him to the sink room, where he washes his hands and face. I notice his shaking hands as he cleans himself. 

“You’re shaking.” I say grabbing his hand. He looks down at me longingly, as I realize what I’m doing, and dropping his hand, “Sorry, I shouldn't have-”

“No. Its alright” He says grabbing my hand again. I look down to see his hand stopped shaking. 

“Tremors” he says making me look up at him, “I know you were thinking about it. I’ve had them since I was young.” We look into each other’s eyes taking in the moment, until I realize the the faucet was still running. I snap out of my trance and turn to turn off the running water. 

“Would you like a change of clothes?” I say trying to change the subject

“Do you have any?” he asks

“No.” I say getting caught in the lie. I rub my neck and slowly walk away.

“Well thank you Mr. Bright, I will take very good care of this hand and I will see you around... I guess” I say, going to get my jacket and bag. 

“Y/N,” he says making stop fumbling around, “I also came to ask if you would like to maybe go and have a drink with me someday?” 

I stand there, shocked at his words, “I uh, well um, I...” I stutter as he raises a brow, “Yes! I-I mean yeah... sure, sure” 

He smiles, “Great! Well then its, there uh- I mean its a date!” he chuckles, “Would you like me to walk you home?”

“Oh no its okay, I have a ride.” I say giving an awkward smile

“Alright then, Ms. Y/L/N, I will see you very soon.” he says giving me a smile as he leaves. I watch him walk away smiling to myself. 

‘What did I just get myself in to?’

A/N: Soooooo I'm very tired and i totally rushed the end sorryyyy. lol I have some plans for this fic, but like idk whats gonna actually happen in the show, so i kinda gotta wait till more happens idkkk i there may or may not be some dark stuff or maybe smutty stuff. let me know y'all if you like this and if u want a smutty or dark thing coming!

[hearrtrender]

50 QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED

Thank youuu for the tag @jesseblackthorns ilyyy

what is the color of your hairbrush? black, pink and like a lime green

a food you never eat? sushi...not into fish other than fish and chips 

are you typically too warm or too cold? warm...my hands are always too warm/hot....at one point I thought I had that super power when you touch smthn and it gets hot (think of Chris Evans in fantastic four...dk his name anymore)

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? mentally screaming and hating myself cos I couldn't get this chord transition on the guitar right

what is your favorite candy bar? galaxy with caramel in it, dairy milk..the Oreo one....and not a candy bar but my fave candy ever...peanut butter cups

have you ever been to a professional sports event? yeppp

what is the last thing you said out loud? bYE

what is your favorite ice cream? peanut butter and chocolate swirl situation...idk it was a limited edition cant remember its name...or cookie dough....or caramel chocolate fudge...basically salty and chocolate works for me

what was the last thing you had to drink?  coffeeeeee (it’s like..midnight.....fuck)

do you like your wallet? it’s cute like it has a cat on it but I wanna change it

what was the last thing you ate? chocolate...I think?

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nOPE....not in a while anyways

the last sporting event you watched? really cant remember?

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? idm anything ngl....salted with butter the basic is the besttt...cheese one I cant have more than five....caramel I cant have more than 3...HOWEVER mixing the three of those.....thats a good mix...salty and sweet...none too overpowering (maybe kick the cheese one out if you want)

who is the last person you sent a text message to?  a friend...we were talking about what we would be doing if the world wasn't like it is rn

ever go camping?  Yepppp and I LOVEEE IT

do you take vitamins? nopppeee

do you go to church every sunday?  noppeee im not christian (however I did go to a catholic school at one point...thats a different fun story for another time....too long for this)

do you have a tan? nopee...however I was sun burnt not too long back

do you prefer chinese food or pizza? BOTH...BOTH IS GOOD

do you drink your soda with a straw?  NOPE...theyre unnecessary..they float out of the can/glass and they make the soda too fizzy until its just bubbles

what color socks do you usually wear? listen...funky socks are fun...I have a shit load of those...but nothing beats black socks...

do you ever drive above the speed limit? I dont drive..

what terrifies you? thunder

look to your left, what do you see? my water bottle

what chore do you hate? laundry

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I think of how once I had to put on one for a drama thing and then it ended up sounding cockney....I also think of 5sos, Margot robbie and Tim tams 

what’s your favorite soda? diet coke

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? I mostly get take out anyways...unless im with my friends then we sit and eat..so idk

who’s the last person you talked to? parents

favorite cut of beef? idkkk?...idk cuts of beef?...I dont even like beef ngl

last song you listened to? im currently listening to ‘na na na by MCR’ 

last book you read? currently reading a darker shade of magic

favorite day of the week? saturdaaaayyy

can you say the alphabet backwards?  used to be able to I think *tries again* yea no not anymore

how do you like your coffee? cold.

favorite pair of shoes? idkk ngl...any of them...but my go to are these pair of black boots with a slight heel....I put them on anything and BOOM they always work out

at what time do you normally go to bed? what is sleep again?...idek nglllll....quarantine fucked my sleep schedule badddd

at what time do you normally get up? 7:45 cos online school...6 when the world was ‘normal’

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrises if I wake up for them...I love listening to music and watching the sun rise while looking out of my bus window.....ugh I miss it

how many blankets are on your bed? just oneee

describe your kitchen plates. ...too many to describe....

do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? I don’t drink alcohol...dont ever plan to

do you play cards? I'm an only child.

what color is your car? my car....I dont have one...my dads is white

can you change a tire? lol no 

what is your favorite province? a what?....people have fav provinces.....describe province again?

favorite job you’ve ever had? never had a proper job...however I am (well ‘was’ before everything went haywire) interning/learning/scholar-shiping (I have no idea what it really is) at this cancer research thing...so ig that

how did you get your biggest scar? first week of sixth form (for those who dont understand...its like the final two years before you leave school for uni.....).......cut my thigh against the side of a white board...gash through the pants...yelled FUCK in front of a new teacher...fun times

what did you do today that made someone else happy? nothing

I tag @kazz @thomaslightwoodx @fair-y-child @youve-cath-to-be-kitten-me @snackariah @tenthprinceofhell @highladyofstoriesandmusic and anyone else who wants to do this

[udonthreens]

60 truth tag uwu

arigaotu  @avarise

Nickname: udon.. uwudon.. ‘b’ sometimes... feel free to give me more lol

Bias: steins;gate.. s s te ins gate ...s tei... semi colon... love it. i stan steins;gate

Blood Type: no idea lol. o maybe??

Relationship Status:  single

Birthday: august 8th

Zodiac Sign: leo

Pronouns: they/them

Hair Length: too long tbh. slightly less than shoulder i guess?

Height: uhhhh idk lol. 5′7- 5′8 i guess??

A crush: h hah! hope not!

What do you like about yourself: uhhh.. hhh.. i think about stuff i guess. try my best not to take things at face value n make assumptions. think thats called critical thinking

Right or left handed: right

List three favourite colors: green blue red

Right now eating: some fudge a while ago

Right now drinking: lemonade

I’m about to: sleep probably

Listening to: nothing. 1 am silence.

Kids: i dont mind them i guess. dont interact with many

Get married: ehh... maybe.. depends on the person...

Recent phone call: mother

Have you ever dated someone twice: nope!

Been cheated on: nope!

Kissed someone and regretted it: nope!

Lost someone special: dont think so..

Been depressed: uhh idk! maybe!

Been drunk and thrown up: nope!

Had glasses or contacts: nope!

Had sex on a first date: nope!

Broken someone’s heart: nope!

Turned someone down: nope!

Cried when someone died: dont think so.. not about real people...

Fallen for a friend: uh.. kind of?? mmmaybe?

In the last year have you made a new friend:  hheck yeah

Fallen out of love: uhhh with interests i guess

Laughed until you cry: dont think so actually? ive laughed a lot before tho

Met someone who changed you: like everyone tbh. several people stand out tho

Found out who your true friends were: never really had ‘fake friends’ tbh.. my experience with making friends has been very non standard lol

Found out someone was talking about you:  hmm.. dont think so? tbh not 100% sure what this means... dont stand out enough to have people gossip about me or anything

Lips or eyes: uh eyes i guess

Hugs or kisses: idkkk lol

Shorter or taller: shorter bcs then i Win in height... assert dominance... Hyah but tbh i dont really mind..

Romantic or spontaneous: hmmm spontaneous i guess

Sensitive or loud: sensitive but loud sometimes

Hookup or relationship: relationship

First best friend: my nephew i guess

Surgery: had some fillings

Sports: no thankss

Do you believe in yourself: ssometimes

Miracles: also sometimes

Love at first sight: idk really.. love is more of a long term thing in general i believe

Heaven: uhhhhhhh

Do you have any pets: a sort of cat

Do you want to change your name: kinda but just bcs i can really.. probs wont

What did you do for your last birthday: dddont remember? didnt do much on the actual day. played some boardgames a short while after

What time did you wake up today: uhh like 11am.. maybe 12pm..

What were you doing last night at midnight: just scrolling through tungle or watching yt probs

Something you can’t wait for: s t e i n s g a t e z e r o

Last time you saw your mom: few hours ago

What is the one think you wish you could change about your life: id say make my last crush never happen but the world line i’d end up on would be pretty divergent.. maybe just being more organised. man thatd also help a lot

What’s getting on your nerves: uhhh a lot bcs im tired rn

i tag anyone who wants to do this!! which is a copout thing but idk who to tag!! have fun!!

[surprisebitch]

Okay you are my fav and you probably struggle with this maybe idkkk but what do you do when ur fave female artist does something problematic? I try to stop listening to their music but I'm always coming back

honestly, if you acknowledge it and know what they did was wrong then that shouldn’t stop you from listening to them. you’re mature enough and educated to know what they did is wrong.

ofc it’s totally your prerogative if you decide to stop stanning a celeb after they did something. but yeah, you dont have to do it if you want to. you do not condone what they did and that’s what matters and you’re critical about it. it becomes dangerous when you defend them for it but since you acknowledge it, then yeah there’s nothing wrong still being a fan of them.

like i have so many faves who fit the problematic bill but that’s the thing, these celebs are human.. like ofc i am not condoning their behaviour or say it’s a legit excuse that they’re ignorant. but you just cant hold them to such a high pedestal cause at the end of the day, they are pretty much in this bubble of privilege. so yeah, just hope that they start unlearning that behaviour and change i guess. but yeah, dont feel guilty or bad that you still love them