#like idk. its never gonna happen for me probably cause IM the failure

[homophyte]

idk who i think im fooling

[iamyelling]

i am starting to become very concerned for annah.. there are a myriad of things that could be causing it but her short term memory is not doing well. here’s what happened that made me realize how serious it might be.

i jump on the bed that she is laying in and i waggle my legs around. i make some light hearted comment referring to them as “gams”. annah says something along the lines of “what are gams?” “these things! legs!” “i thought it was the butt” “oh well i thought it was the legs. look it up let’s see!” >she looks it up on her phone and says that its legs. now she says something along the lines of that’s what she thought, its legs. i reply no.. you thought it was butt. she is confused, thought it was her who thought it was legs.

this whole thing was like in the span of maybe 30-60 seconds if we’re being generous. she was NOT teasing or joking. she genuinely forgot what she said just moments before.

things like this have happened a LOT. but bc we are arguing also a lot it’s often in the context of a dispute already so i just assume she’s being obstinate or being difficult, or just natural misunderstandings or misremembered events as does happen, or intentionally misleading me /gaslighting me.

but this has been happening the past couple months with totally non combative things. just extremely basic short term memory failures and mixups.

but there’s also long term memory like i tell her things and she has no memory of it. idk if this is just her not listening, not paying attention, not caring, or if it really is an issue.

it could be that she is always tired from work. could be mystery long covid (although she insists she’s never had covid. which i doubt). could be a thyroid issue (her body temperature is SCALDING at all times. like if i touch her for more than a minute or two i will become so hot i feel like im gonna pass out. and other people have noticed this too it’s not just me). could be from her many concussions, most recent this january. could be depression, ptsd (though the ptsd doesn’t seem to be affecting her much anymore but … idk).

i personally think the concussions are most likely. but it could be any of these or even other things that don’t occur to me.

i would want a cognitive test or something but idk how to go about doing that for someone who is so young and headstrong.

i’ve always been afraid of this.. but i’m afraid it’s CTE. she already had multiple concussions when i met her like 9 years ago and she’s had probably at least 3 more since then. and i know concussions are cumulative like the more you have the worse they are.

she does of course have the mood and behavior issues too 🥴

[ritual-misery]

18-10-2023 🎧

yesterday was very up and down 💀 and i knew it was gonna a mess the second i forgot my earphones at home. those shits r my lifeline. riding the bus in silence was torturous

anyways. yesterday something happened that hasn't happened in a while... i got gendered as female. usually, where i am now in my transition, i'd say i get gendered as male 99% of the time. ages vary; usually people think i'm some 13 year old LMFAO but chemically i am 13 so i mean... there u go. but nonetheless they read me as a guy

but yesterday was different. it was after my last class of the day and these girls started talking to me about the material and whatnot. then we went to some public event thing happening outside and as we're sitting there i get called "she" when one of the girls says something abt me to the other one. i thought, maybe i misheard. but then they started talking about the traits they hate in guys... then i was called a baddie... sooooo 😭

honestly i feel nothing about it. maybe a bit awkward cause eventually its gonna come up that im actually a guy. and its gonna be weird. but it kinda made me think. like yeah, i get gendered as male a lot, but honestly im still pretty androgynous. i have no facial hair yet, my face is still kinda round, i wear earrings (non-feminine ones), and i'm short. so someone could easily read me for a girl as much as they read me for a guy. i notice that when i do get misgendered, it's usually by girls. other guys always gender me right. the rare times i'm read as female it's usually by a girl. curious as to why

but nonetheless it happened. and it reminded me that i have a long way to go in my journey. and that i shouldn't get too proud and think that i'm mr. unclockable all of a sudden. i have some time to wait before my face changes dramatically or i grow facial hair (although im trying to get my hands on some minoxidil), but there are more areas where i can masculinize as i wait. like working out and doing different things with my hair. i'm gonna try and style it different because i feel like it makes me look so feminine and it bothers me lmao. it's this overgrown mullet thing, and the process of growing out the sides is making me want to go bald. in my deluded brain i feel that if i finally grow out my hair long it'll actually help me look more male? cause it'll cover my face and make me look a little older (i feel that lots of young boys have short hair while longer hair would indicate maybe an older guy? idk 💀)

it's easy to get discouraged, i think. i found my mind saying, "a cis guy would never have to deal with something like this." but then it occurred to me that i'm not a cis guy. i'm gonna have different experiences in life than one, and i shouldn't use the average cis guy's life as a marker for mine. it'll just leave me unsatisfied and feeling like a failure when i've failed nothing. i gotta focus on myself and what im doing. i'm not cis so my life is not gonna be similar to that of cis people's. and that's not a shitty thing

oh and here's my second problem. i ran out of testosterone. i'm with this specialized doctor right now and he's very hard to reach out too. long story short, the next time i see him is in november... i ran out of T last week. today's my shot day, actually. so i'm concerned. i know that nothing monumental will happen to me over 3 or so weeks, but the only thing i really don't want to happen is my period returning. which it surely will. so now i have to do a final hail mary: at the very beginning of this, i got a prescribed vial that i wasn't able to receive because of a problem with insurance. there's a chance that the vial is still sitting in the pharmacy now. will i probably have to pay? yeah. but i mean.. what choice do i have. i would rather pay and take the T than wait three weeks and have my body go through crazy mood swings and my monthly returning from the shadowy depths. so i'm about to call the pharmacy and see what they say. at least i can try. it's been one year, so the doctor is going to give my prescription to my family doctor to have him deal with it (special doctor only handles patients for one year), but my fam doctor will probably ask me to give it to someone else. so i should start researching some endos in the area

alas. weird life, weird events. today i got no classes and i'm gonna try and get stuff done. there's minimal things i need to do for school, so non-academic tasks are getting prioritized. ESPECIALLY my workout. it's been way too long, and i'm trying to get all buff now so when summer hits i'm chilling. plus it's winter coming soon so what else am i supposed to do lmao. also gonna try and buy some stickers to decorate my laptop today. very whimsical and fun ofc

[nadziejastar]

i have a many different scenarios Saix could have gotten his scar from but i keep asking around and so far i havent gotten a answer

the most looked upon way is that xemnas gave it to him for his disobedience i guess but i saw a few other ways that were interesting, one of them was maybe he did it himself to never forget about skuld project X the ways im thinking is maybe that could be true but what if Axel actually gave it to him? maybe they were fighting? maybe he wanted Axel to give it to him? maybe not? maybe he did it himself to show xemnas how true he was to the organization idk what are your thoughts? 

i always imagine if xemnas did it xigbar was present when it happen hell maybe xigbar gave it to him for some reason

Well, I have a pretty in-depth theory about Isa’s scar. He still has it when he’s recompleted, so he must’ve gotten it when he was still human, as a kid. I think Xehanort gave the scar to Isa. Branding a vessel with the Recusant’s Sigil seems like something only Xehanort would do. Although Braig may very well have been the one to cut Isa's forehead. Unlike Braig and Eraqus's scars, which are burns caused by darkness, Isa's is definitely a deep cut done with a blade. And Braig's arrowguns are sharp and pointed.

Xemnas: Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self.

In KH3D, Xemnas mentioned the experiments to Sora. And that’s why I think the quote before their battle was referring to Subject X.

Saïx’s iconic physical feature is his scar--he bears the sigil on his flesh. Did he give it to himself so he could never forget the mystery girl test subject? OR. Is it more likely that he got the scar while he himself was a test subject? IMO, Isa was always meant to be Subject X, before KHUX introduced a LOT of retconning. He received the sigil on his flesh, and that’s also when they began calling him by the name “X”.

Basically, I agree with the theory that the scar was given to him for disobedience. Mostly. A recusant is someone who is disobedient and refuses to submit to authority. In other words, someone who is guilty of insubordination.

Meanwhile, Saïx had no sympathy for her. “You are to discover the identity of the outsider,” he told her. “Those are direct orders from Lord Xemnas. Failure is the same as insubordination. You understand that, don’t you?”

Of course, to Xehanort, failure is the same thing as insubordination. Being a failure is the same thing as being a recusant.

And there’s evidence that Saïx has failed in the past. I doubt Isa’s scar was given to him for outright disobedience. I think it was probably given to him for being a failure.

Day 171: The No. i Project

Xion failed to complete its mission. No. i was among the initial lot, which naturally raises questions about its capabilities. At present, it is nothing short of broken. I cannot fathom why Xemnas would want to keep it.

There’s another meaning of “failure” besides just failing missions. It’s a word used for a defective specimen in an experiment. The initial lot of replicas were considered failures. “Failure” was his go-to insult for Xion. The word seemed to carry a lot of baggage for him, which gave me the impression it was personal.

All the pilot subjects’ hearts collapsed, even those of the most stalwart (the strong ones Xehanort would have truly wanted as his vessels). No treatment was effective. They would been lifeless zombies, then they turned into Heartless. If Xehanort’s goal was to turn them into vessels, no doubt they would have been considered failures. Just like the initial lot of replicas.

After seven days’ observation, she spoke her first words, but could not provide a name. Subject exhibits signs of profound amnesia.

If Isa was originally Subject X, then he was unable to speak for seven days. It seemed like he lost his heart, like the pilot subjects, and he was disposed of beneath the castle in the Chamber of Repose. And that’s why Subject X is there in the KH3 Secret Reports. Of course, Subject X proved to be unique. His heart didn’t collapse. He only suffered mental collapse. So, Xehanort did decide to make him a vessel.

Xehanort: “X”… A most ancient letter. Some say “kye,” but the meaning is the same. Death… A letter that spells endings.

While locked up there, that’s when Isa was branded with the scar. After his flesh bore the sigil, he received the name “X”. It was a name that defined Xehanort’s object. It meant “death”.

Xigbar: The “Chamber of Repose”. If you recall, that’s where we spent our time researching the darkness that resides within people’s hearts. It’s a graveyard that was sealed by order of Ansem the Wise.

The Chamber of Repose is a graveyard–-a resting place for the dead. Subject X’s mind had renounced its sense of self. He was barely lucid and had no memories of his old identity or name. The “X” signified the success of the mind control. Symbolically, it marked him as a living corpse. An empty vessel into which Xehanort’s heart could be implanted.

Of course, I doubt a “failed specimen” like Isa was Xehanort’s idea of an ideal vessel. Terra was a powerful Keyblade wielder and a pupil of Eraqus. And Braig was a sharpshooter and apprentice of Ansem the Wise. Isa was just some random ice cream-loving kid, who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But if Isa was the only test subject to be successfully mind-controlled, Xehanort was gonna have to use him. Beggars can’t be choosers.

The name “X” and the brand were to define Xehanort’s “object” as being symbolically dead. I also think they gave the “hollow vessel” purpose. Basically, the scar was the mark of a failure. Isa wasn’t strong and the scar was to signify weakness. Xehanort wanted his new object to know that failure would not be tolerated. This gave him a new purpose, which was to be stronger. Aaaand…that’s my theory of how Isa got his scar.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same 

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her 

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful 

ill have to google 

serial killer who only targets women?  it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum 

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday 

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!! 

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is 

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap 

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL 

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady 

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise 

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock 

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

 alphonse continues to be a precious angel 

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus??? 

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery 

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances 

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15, 

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun 

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD 

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

[binkysteebnpewter]

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

No

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

Eh

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can���t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

Eh

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

[tfw-no-tennis]

huntoxhunto

we watched 2 whole more eps but we’re abt to vacay so i better recap this biz now before i forget

ok so we finished the zoldyck arc and uhhhh gotta say we werent expecting like any of that to happen lol 

ok ill back up so we start w/killuas mom (i dont think we ever heard her name) confronting gon & co....and canary (i lov her) is not dead which i assumed but thank goodness. 

zoldyck mom was totally using nen. also she is off her rocker gotta say. tho that visor is super cool, albeit confusing - is it connected to a bunch of security cameras or something? how does she see all that shit? 

granpa is wild. his tunic thing that says ‘one kill a day’ or w/e is kinda hilarious, it reminds me of the ‘apple a day keeps the dr away’ saying...a murder a day keeps the....idk away????

i love that killua makes it abundantly clear that he couldve like escaped at any time lol. also tho why didnt he just escape....baby boy just leave 

killua getting all serious and threatening milluki if he messes with gon....my boys got it BAD 

this family has so many communication issues hvbjadkfbjaskdfj nobody is on the same page at all 

the butler guy continued to remind me of kuro one piece this whole time...i was waiting for him to bust out the ridiculous cat claws

oh my GOD wait the flashbacks of EVEN BABIER KILLUA were so precious ;_; he was soooo tiny and cute oh my god. so precious. and canary was also so tiny and cute 

baby killua really just wanted a friend :(((( and canary wanted to be friends w/him but knew that mom zoldyck would kill her if she overstepped like that :( thats so tragic mannnn

also canary is so cool man. her beating up all those guys was epic

ok that whole scene with killua and his dad was like, such a rollercoaster lmao

like....it was all over the place for me...first of all the ambiance was wack, the room lighting was weird and im p sure killuas seat was an electric chair??? and the dad was in a coffin thing..???? like....interesting aesthetic choices all over the place here 

also i see now where killua got his hair and also his catboy tendencies. the zoldyck catboy genes seem to trace back to zoldyck dad, who has kinda scary cat eyes 

also im guessing that the dad is the blood zoldyck and the mom is the one who married in. they sure seem to put a lot of emphasis on like, family legacy or w/e, but the two parents certainty go abt it in different ways 

the whole convo b/w killua and his dad was wild, it totally didnt go where i was expecting it to. his dad was weirdly chill while also being super intense? 

killua happily telling stories abt gon was so sweet....baby boy baby 

and his dad telling him ‘never betray your friends’ was rlly interesting...i wonder what his reasons were for saying that 

cause then he tells killua he can leave, and killua does, but then dad zoldyck tells mom zoldyck (i rlly need to find out their names) that he thinks killua will come back on his own time....inch resting 

i wonder if dad zoldyck made killua promise that bc he was trying to set killua up for failure - as in, he tells killua to never betray his friends, thinking that killua inevitably will & be distraught abt it, and then turn back to the zoldyck family when this happens. idk

also its interesting to me that zoldyck dad wants killua to lead the family someday. like, illumi is right there, hes the oldest and clearly dedicated to being an evil assassin, and he seems p good at it...i wonder why killua is the favorite....the grandpa (i think) did say that killua is Special(tm) which...yes he is a special baby boy i love him. i wanna see more zoldyck family flashbacks/interactions so we can see what led them to this point 

oh lord that reminds me of illumi briefly appearing in the killua flashback and hes just like, suddenly there, wearing some gay ass sweater....like ok dude did you just come back from the Evil Assassin Library or st?????

that reminds me too, ruth tells me that apparently in the manga illumi and hisoka got married or something???? to which i say, thats fucking wild, but also it makes sense, those two are both horrible and disgusting and they absolutely deserve each other hbvajvhsdfjbak peak evil nasty gay rep, i love it. i cant wait to see whatever the fuck the context to that is bc, thats fucking wild

ok back to the plot so like its so wild to me how smoothly everything went hvubsjduhfbjsh like....killuas dad was rlly like ok u can leave and killua just went to the butler house and then canary woke up and was like ok gon & crew lets go to the butler house to see killua, fuck the rules, (and she didnt even get killed for ��disobedience’ or w/e, or more likely - in most big shounen, she wouldve been attacked by the other evil butlers and gon wouldve had to fight them)

killua Rlly was like fuck this place im leaving my boyfriend and his parents are here to pick me up [puts on gayest outfit he owns and skateboards away] hvbhsjdfbjdkf

i love killuas weird gay preteen fashion so far and i cant wait to see more 

killua telling the butler guy to let him know as SOON as gon gets there cause he wants to see him AS SOON AS HE CAN ;_; bro they r....in love 

of course the butler is trickey tho lmao, any other shounen this wouldve turned into an 8 ep long fight scene sequence where gon has to fight the butlers in order to see killua 

and the of course gon is the same way, gon is like i need to see killua RIGHT NOW take me to him!!! ohhh my god babies

the whole coin game was wild, it was funny when the other butlers got involved too lmao 

when gon was like ‘hey leorio can i see your knife’ i was like OH NO I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. and i was right bc OWWWWW baby boy oh my god!!!! but that seems to have solved it even tho thats NOT how swelling works at ALL- 

anyways gon is a cute smart good boy and i also find it funny how killua eventually gets impatient and just busts in on this whole dramatic situation (and the tension immediately deescalates as a result lmao) 

tangent but god its so funny seeing all these butler guys deferring to killua, an actual 12 yr old....i wanna see the hilarious and hijink-filled results of killua being raised as a rich spoiled assassin prince. thats a lethal combo thats gotta result in some wildly skewed perceptions on how things work, especially paired with gon ‘probably eats dirt for fun and sleeps in trees’ freecess 

godddd gon and killuas lil reunion is SOOO cute they were so happy to see each other ;_; bro they are SO cuteeeee augh. two tiny babies

killua being like oh hi also uh kurapika andddd [looks at smudged writing on hand] lorpo 

hvhhbajfbs dont do my man leorio like that killua hes a hardworking father 

the fact that they just like. LEAVE...thats so wild. i cant believe how little fighting this arc had. this all wrapped up SO much faster than i could have ever anticipated lmao 

where the heck was alluka!? i assumed she’d show up here but uhhhh guess not......in the silhouette shot of all the zoldycks she and killua were holding hands ;_; my fucking uwus bro 

we also didnt see the grandma or great grandpa so im guessing theyll appear later 

gon being like fuck it im not using my hunters license til i punch hisoka in the fucking face hvbhahsfbjsk thats hilarious 

also a convenient way to let him have his hunters license but not utilize it til later in the story...its so early for him to have achieved that big chunk of his goal, which just shows that hxh is Not your typical shounen and isnt gonna just be centered around gons quest to become a hunter 

so we finally found out what hisoka said to kurapika....just as i thought, it was st to do w/the phantom troupe. so theres a handy setup for the yorknew city arc later. bam 

hisoka just being like ‘hey meet me in this (presumably) very large city on this date. no i will not tell you where in the city to meet me. bye seeya there’ 

tbf hisoka is very hard to miss 

god when they arrive and kurapika is just like ok well we got killua so im out lol bye everyone....bro hvbjkhgbfjhdksfhjk that felt so abrupt 

and then leorio was like oh yeah same i gotta go study time to take the fantasy MCAT or w/e

AND THEY BOTH LEFT....now gon and killua r chilling but im like oh my god no leorio kurapika come back, we need some (questionable) adult supervision over here 

and like immediately killua is like ok gon do you have money. and of Course gon doesnt have money. so killua is like well you need money and you need to train so you can deck hisoka, so lets go to a fantasy version of an underground fighting ring! this is why kurapika and leorio needed to stay 

tho they probably wouldve just gone along with it 

they did all promise to meet in yorknew city, but thats apparently like 6 months away. are gon and killua rlly gonna spend 6 months at heavens arena

the part where killua draws the diagram demonstrating how much of a n00b gon is....hvbajdkhfbhajskf

AND THEN when he drew himself into the diagram and was like :3c wow im so modest HBJHSKHDFHBJS that was so funny

it was like that post thats like ‘you can tell when a cats pupils change and they just shift into Silly Mode’ thats what killua looked like...catboy

so thats basically it i think, gon and killua are heading to heavens arena to join fight club or whatever. tournament arc time! 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

i doubt this is the last weve seen of the zoldyck family. i mean we havent even met 3 of them, and we barely saw the ones we did meet...idk when theyll come back but i suspect theyll be making some big money moves later on and fucking shit up somehow 

i think maybe illumi or someone will like, spy on killua sometimes to keep track of him. or theyll track him by other means

ill use the prediction corner to reflect on incorrect predictions so heres a few. i rlly thot killua was gonna be more edgy than he is but hes rlly just a good boy huh. like hes a gay baby assassin catboy but hes so cute and good too. he just wants to live his life and hang out with his tiny bf like... omg :’) 

also i thot hisoka held a totally different narrative role lbvahkfjhjjaksfl i thot he was like main villain guy....hes more like an annoying creepy clown dude who (probably) shows up a lot to bother the main cast. we’ll see, but thats what i think of him now

like i thought hisoka would be like p1 dio, where hed be/quickly become a powerful antagonist who would amass a bunch of followers/minions (when actually the only person he seems to hang out w/is illumi, and theyre more like equals than an evil guy/minion dynamic)...or like i thought hisoka would be very well known as a scary evil guy but nope he was just another participant in the hunter exam, albeit a weird freaky one whose rancid vibes everyone seemed to pick up on 

anyways actual predictions, i think hisoka is gonna be at heavens arena, which would be super funny. gon is like im gonna train to beat hisoka and he shows up to do that and hisokas just there like >;) hey

i think if i had to guess, the zoldycks will show up again (in a plot important way) at the end of the yorknew arc/before the greed island arc. i know basically nothing abt any of the arcs but i do know the order they go in so theres that

i do think illumi will show up earlier than the other zoldycks tho, since he seems to be out doing his own thing more than the rest. also we still really havent resolved the whole mind control thing that im still convinced of 

i think nen will finally be introduced/alluded to heavily in this arc...or like, characters will use nen and gon will be like whoa whats that 

i think killua knows what nen is...maybe? it would make sense since im sure all the zoldycks can use it (at least, we saw mom zoldyck use it, probably)

can killua use nen already? that would be pretty funny. i dont think so tho. maybe u learn nen at a certain age. i have no idea what nen is 

also isnt gons nen power the power to like, turn into a really buff version of himself or something. how the fuck does that work 

ok enough nonsense its bedtime zzzzz

[kendrixtermina]

So I’ve been trying the “Pratchett Method” of text production and I think it’s working. 

Obviously it worked for Pratchett, but I had doubts that it was gonna do it for me, cause I’m used to writing in logical units or bursts of inspiration. 

I thought the idea was to have a go at it & see if you get a burst, and that does happen, the most essential realization has been that the scene does get done in a few sessions even if there is no burst. 

I feared writing the segments “disjointed” fashion would lead to quality decline, but it hasn’t, I think so far quality was fairly good. Though IDK or if that’s down the method, or if the health supplements I’ve been experimenting with are actually helping my concentration. XDD 

Knowing that it gets done one way or another, less of an urge to drop everything and keep finishing that fanfic chapter until I’ve used up all the time in which I don’t feel bleh, leaving none for work, obligations and indeed, my original projects. 

I thought I’d have have racked up a decent publication list by now, but the last 10 years have just been a dumsterfire in every possible way. I haven’t got out anything but a thin volume of bad poetry since that one epic flaming failure when I was 17. But I wrote that when I was 11-14 and in hindsight I never would have thought of publishing yet if my father hasn’t pushed me out of his perverse fantasy of having a child prodigy. I hated him with a passion and knew he speaks only lies, and that only an evil person would complain about having to feed a child they chose to have (ever heard of those wonderful things called  “condom” or “abortion"?) but I guess I still fell into that counterdependent trap of trying to prove I was worth something. like, “see, i earned money, so im not worhless like you say” but then I earned no money at all. - alas that was before I saw that great rhetorics video on youtube about how bad faith actors use certain tactics to get you to accept their premise. if i had seen through him, or if he wasnt there,    I probably would’ve stuck to just putting it on the internet for free as  till I was 15 - 20 and actually stylistically mature. I would never assumed that I should produce something publishable as a 11 year old just starting out, and instead keep practicing so that I would have got gud by the time I was grown. 

I mean, it didnt help that he kept cutting out newspaper stories of sucessful young authors to rub them in my face!... and would insult my writing any time he needed a gotcha in an argument, though he never read any. He wasn’t about saying it was “satanic”, or that “it’s all lies, because an asocial freak like you knows nothing about people” (talk about cruelty!). I mean, I’m not demanding that busy people drop everything to give me attention. My mom did at times tell me “baby I havent the time” or “its not my cup of tea” but at least she made an effort to say something about the 1st chapter if I showed her - and that was fine. Like, she showed she cared, that’s all I asked for. 

I feel like I oughn’t complain cause I don’t have it half as bad as my sister. 

Well thankfully, language is cristalline intelligence, which means it gets better until you die, so, plenty of chances yet if i can avoid sudden death...

ugh. this derailed a lot from the initial topic. 

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?

[bugclub]

ALL THA QUESTIONS

it wouldn’t let me copy the numbers ;:) so here we go fellas

Who hurt you the most?geez idk maybe my dad altho in retrospect he was right and i was wrong but he said some really messed up stuff to me sometimes and he also was usually the reason i would ever c** my***f

Who have you hurt the most?probably my dad as well. i was fucked up as a teenager and i know it was hell for him

Who do you miss the most?no offense but my dad. i just rly miss ig how life use to be when i lived with him.

Who do you want out of your life the most?the bitches and freaks that send me anon hate. begone demons

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?the white trash xanax junkies i met in 2014.

Who do you wish you could be honest with?i suppose emilio. im not holding any secrets in but i dont tell him a lot of stuff like when my emotions are dangerously out of whack or im having a panic attack or anything like that. i think if i were more open about stuff like that we’d communicate better when im actually freaking out

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?hmm.. coworkers come to mind just cause sometimes i dont agree with things they say but i dont want to make working with them uncomfortable by saying anything. other than that just crushes from my past probably

Who would the world be better off without?donald trump, racists, rapists, heroin dealers, etc

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?grace…i use to not like her because someone was feeding me lies…im so sorry grace my beautiful raspberry girl

What was the worst day of your life?probably the day i woke up in a daze post being raped with all my money stolen from my car . or i suppose the day it actually happened

What’s your greatest fear?losing my mind

What’s your biggest insecurity?hmm…not sure. honestly im not very insecure like i know i have insecurities but nothing comes to mind immediately. i wouldnt know til im insecure about it

What’s your biggest regret?getting hooked on xanax

Describe your ideal world.boondock saints are in charge and they’re my best friends

Describe your personal hell.donald trump is in charge and my best friend is my bong rosalina

What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?damn idek, probably just that every day of my life i wish emilio and i would meet sooner than we did but obviously there’s no point in that

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?one time i let a girl borrow my phone in hs and her nosy ass went thru my shit and found…sensitive content. i was embarrassed for a long time. i only recently remembered this happened

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?various evenings at my job at dominos. i fucking hate those bitches

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?in the mental hospital

What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?this took me forever but it was DEFINITELY my bad trip. i thought i was dead lmao

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?probably also during that acid trip. i thought i was not coming out and this was it. it felt like real life was melting away and i was gonna be stuck in some blank universe alone. horrible. im gagging

What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?i dont really get frantic ever. im good at staying calm especially in dire times

What’s the best case scenario for your future?emilio and i get married and have a family. i dont really want or need anything else

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?i try heroin get really fucked up and die alone

What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?the pain from the last time i punched a wall was ridiculous and came in big waves which was awful. utis can hurt a lot and im prone to those for some reason. when i had the flu my body ached like ive never felt

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?i dont want to talk about this one

Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.i dunno.

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.obviously getting with emilio at first…but ik its not actually that messed up now so 💁 irrelevant

Describe a time you felt like a hero.i dont know. i use to help out my junkie friends a lot

Describe a time you felt inhuman.almost always

Describe a time you felt like a failure.in fourth grade i got an f in math because i kept putting the plus sign on the wrong side of the problem and my teacher failed me on all my homework. no one was even mad at me but i couldn’t look anyone in the eye for days

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?i dont know..i use to spew out hate in like 2010-2012. i hate that

What are you proudest of?my relationship with emilio, our good dogs, my recovery (not rly done yet but so far so good)

What’s your relationship with your family like?good. weird and a little distant at time but good

What’s your relationship with religion like?non-existent

Talk about someone you’ve lost.eh.

Talk about someone who abandoned you.eh.

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.not sure this is a thing for me

What’s something you wish you were capable of?wish i had more motivation for things that could make my future better like college

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?not rly afraid of anything id do

Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.mine was fine

Describe your worst heartbreak.i was subjected to things i shouldn’t have been because of bad timing. i wouldnt have wanted it any other way and things worked out

Describe your worst disappointment.not sure dont want to dig this deep rn

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?yes. and i still get shit on for a lot of it

Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?i honestly dont think so. correct e if im wrong

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?never on purpose (so far)

Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?probably. my bad

Have you ever self-harmed?yes

Have you ever attempted suicide?yes

Have you ever stolen something?yes

Have you ever cheated on someone?no

Have you ever been cheated on?no

Have you ever taken revenge on someone?nah

Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?yes 😂 oops

Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?allegedly

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?yes

thanks 💝🍓

if anyone reads all tis i love you and urr one of my best friends

[theoneandonlysaucymo]

ABO Dynamic Non Pregnant Female Omega Estrous Cycle

OK this is long....I should be studying BUT this kinda helped me study repro for my test sooooooooooooo dual purpose...and because i was curious and science

Also cause @hymnofthevalkyries are doing a ABO rp and well we like to research things 

**This is how I picture this and I am no way a reproduction specialist so I am welcome to constructive comments but based this on our veterinary repro lectures/textbooks with a bit of creative freedom. Since ABO is kinda based on animal cycles (heats and all) kinda used animals a bit as a guide (particularly the mare why idk shes weird)

Also adult language sorta used like basic anatomy terms

Normal is based off a normal Human cycle

MALE REPRODUCTIVE SCIENCE FOUND HERE

RIGHT WHAT THOSE HORMONES MEAN (the simple version)

FSH-Follicle Stimulating Hormone- basically the growth and development of the egg in the ovary (also helps with estrogen production) 

LH-Luteinizing Hormone- Basically triggers the egg to be released and development of corpus luteum (helps maintain pregnancy and huge producer of progesterone, some estrogen as well and a few other things not relative to this)

Ovulation- egg is actually released and is waiting to be fertilized. 

Estrogen/ Estradiol- Primary female sex hormone, basically for this part im using it as part of mood and behavior 

Progesterone - good old pregnancy hormone here maintains a bunch of things to help support pregnancy.

KAY MY Theory. Gonna start with body temp and go from there

Body Temp So normal humans it drops before ovulation but my theory is it rises, with rising body temperatures comes sweating and giving off waaaay more scent markers. (We’re only talking like 2-3 degrees here nothing too crazy high or things quit working). This lasts for as long as the heat is happening then once its over it drops drastically down 2-3 degrees lower than normal before it evens out again to normal lets call this bonding time with alpha cause they a bit chilly lol cold feet and hands for all. 

FSH- nothing any more special accept instead of helping one egg developing typically it helps like 1-3ish or more whatever verse/multiple theory you would live to give this. 

LH- RIGHT GOOD STUFF HERE SO this one actually helps the release of these egg AKA Ovulation. My theory they do not all release at once but rather in timed periods making sure fresh sperm can get to them and the other egg is out of the way as it moves into position (may not always release from opposite ovaries could be from same). Hence why “Heat” may take a few days depending on your world of ABO

Estrogen- HOKAY so this one is where the “HEAT” come into play, basically the symptoms that the body is ready to house the baby! AND signal to the male lets get it on. Slick is gonna get produced along the mucosa of the vagina/cervix/uterus and stimulated by this hormone right here, all hypersensitive features come into play to further stimulate everything(breasts/nipples, clit, genital area in general, and wherever else they like to be touched), mood is modified to wanting to be around an alpha getting a bit clingy and needy, horny you kinda name it

Right we all good so far? Cool here’s where its gonna get a bit tricky and very much not like usual animals. 

Progesterone- rises after ovulation to help develop the uterine wall for implantation. Here’s where I went a bit off the normal and went a bit more fictional. My theory is this takes place quickly starting while they are still in heat just slightly before the first egg is released and rapidly develops till the body can recognize the eggs been fertilized. Kinda like the horse I feel like the eggs will rotate around for awhile in the uterus before it implants to also allow the wall to develop more. (Typically it just finds a spot and plants but in the horse for some reason it likes to move around for a few days) 

   **This is where part of the heat pains can come from! Without the proper sexual stimulation the contractions of the walls that move the egg around can go a bit haywire without something to move. Essentially they over contract and without proper orgasms they cannot relax. Also I feel like alpha sperm play a role in this part as well, some composition of the makeup will also help to soothe and relax the walls. As omega ages this process consumes more and more time takes longer and longer to create the lining as previous failed attempts would most likely leave some damage to the walls. So this process becomes more and more painful as the body is trying to do what it was designed for carry babies. 

Second the body realizes its not pregnant it immediately drops in progesterone levels sparking the dreaded periods. Yes they still get them still humanish. So on top of the cramping of not having a fertilized egg then you get the body quickly trying to get ride of the walls it just made. Adding once again to the pains and this time losing the lining. Also a place where it can get dangerous as more and more scar tissue builds up higher chance of it failing and bleeding out.  So that’s my theory how they could die not just pain but failure of the lining causing bleeding either external or internal (which then means like emergency surgery and remove everything which probably makes the omega feel like less of a woman) 

BUT This takes like YEARS to develop this isn’t just an overnight type of thing. 

**Exception would be if their mate is away for extended period of time then everything is ramped up ten fold cause it wants to make that baby so a normal process that takes years could only take months. Why a mate should never leave them for too long, if they die body kinda knows this based on the intense grief and they will either revert back to a normal cycling or no longer cycle period depending on age and if they have had kids. 

Can it be fixed? SURE! Cause why not they already are not abiding by normal rules. So sexual stimulation in the correct way aka through mating with an alpha will decrease this overly intense contractions allowing for the walls of the uterus to heal (why first heats sometimes they will not get pregnant it has to correct the damage) 

** AGAIN THIS IS PURELY FICTIONAL I MADE UP BASED ON A FEW PEOPLES ABO FICS AND RULES as well as some I’ve just come up with. ( @kittenofdoomage @ilostmyshoe-79 @dr-dean to name a few I follow) 

I am curious as to what other head cannons y’all think. Im thinking about making a few other charts as well (female pregnant, male alpha rutts, possibly omega male, and alpha female) not quite sure yet as I’ve procrastinated long enough from studying real animal reproduction as I have a test thursday XD

Thoughts? Comments? welcome! 

[neptuneisgay]

Tumblr is not a diary, but im gonna use it as one anyways. I jist finished watching Skam season 3 (aka the best season for obvious reasons) and whats really sticking out to me is the last line "life .. Is now." and like idk but this line os just hitting me real hard. The whole time i was watching this season (which is literally just today cause i watched it all in like 6 hours) i kept feeling this ... Longing ... Craving?? God neither of those are good words but basically i just reallly wanted a relationship like Isak and Evens, like maybe without all the drama but like all the scenes with them cuddling or just holding each other just being in each others presences just made me long for a relationship so much more than i already was. But its not just that, this show as a whole just makes me realize how much im not living. Lile sure im breathing and i wake up every day and most days i eat and drink and occasionally i leave the house but im not living. The lyric or quote i cant really remember which "i wanna live not just survive" as cheesing and cliche as it is, is really the perfect example of how i feel right now, im not living im just surviving and even then its only barely. I want to live so bad. I want to wake up and have places to go and people to see and god i want to live without constantly wanting to die. Life is so short and i know this, but im wasting it, im wasting my life away, as dramatic as that may sound its true. But i dont know how to change it. Im homeschooled, all of my friends are over the internet, the last time i had actual human contact or even just a conversation with someone who wasnt my mom or my brother was October. October. It was 5 months ago. And before that it was 3 months. Before that 7. Im so alone and its killing me. And no one fucking understands because all of my friends have other friends, people who they see everyday and talk to and hang out with whereas im lucky to have one person whos not my mom just text me at least once a day. Im so isolated i feel like im drifting away from reality. My depression has gotten so much worse as well as a new symptom of disassociating. My anxiety has calmed down only because im to depressed to even have panic attacks. Everything scares me. I signed up to do some volunteer work and its taking everything in me not to back out because just the thought of having to go out and do something ive never done before with tbe knowledge that i dont know what the fuck im doing and that ill be completely alone with no one i know, makes me want to jump off a cliff because im so scared of messing it up. My mom wants us to join a church, she wants me to join this youth group so i can make friends and i dont know how to explain to her that im terrified of going there, because no matter how much i love God and i dont believe he hates me or that im going to hell for being who i am, i know that most churches and christians dont think that way, and even tho this church seems very progressive i cant find a single thing about their views on homosexuality and im terrified to go there and make friends and have that constant fear of what would happen if they found out, would they hate me, shun me, tell me im going to hell? And i cant explain this to her because she doesnt get it and no matter how hard she tries shes never going to get that fear. That fear of going to a place where the likely hood of everyone there thinking that your an abomination, something disgusting, and wrong is astronomical. And just im so scared of everything. Im scared to go back to school, sometimes the fear of school and getting there and just failing everything is so bad i think maybe it would be better off if i just died before i can fail. Im so afraid that im not enough. For anything. Im not smart enough. Im not pretty enough. Im not kind enough. Im not strong enough. Or fast enough. Or good enough. Im just not enough. And no amount of studying. Or training. No amount of hard work and determination that adults are always shoving down our throats is going to make me enough. Im so scared of failure. And thats it. Thats my biggest fear. If you ask me in real life what my biggest fear is ill probably say needles, or the ocean, or alligators. But its not. Sure im afraid of those things. But my biggest fear, the thing that keeps my up at night, that keeps me from living and trying, is that no matter how much work i put into to something no matter how much time and effort i put into things, that i can give everything i can possibly have to give, that i can give everything in me there is no more work to be done no more effort to be put in, ive done everything i can do, but it still isnt enough. There is no try harder this is all the try i have. This is me at my full capacity, all of my capabilities are front and center, and its still not enough. Im just not enough. And i never will be. .. And then theres the flip side, the flip side that tells whilst not being enough i am also simultaneously too much. Im too loud. Too annoying. Too clingy. Too energetic . i talk too much, too fast. Im just too much for people to handle. And thats why everyone leaves. Im just too much and not enough all at the same time. I give people too much of all the things they dont want, and not enough of all the things they do. And how do i live knowing this? How do i put myself out there and life this life thats actually worth living when i dont even think i was made for life at all. .. So ya thats the end of the diary entry. If you read this far; im sorry it was so long, i talk too much.

[therewas-a-girl]

What do u like about Wildqueen?

Anon i love that u asked me this question (i cant sleep so this is great).

Rene is ex military; he was dishonorably discharged for doing sth morally questionable because of something he believed he had to get done. He regrets that deeply (though im not sure he regrets what he did as much as the results of it), as seen in the episode after he was tortured, and he is haunted by his failures , which he sees as a sort of chain that make up his life.

now, thea knows how that feels. She would be able to relate to the discipline, to the dedication that might be ingrained into someone from a military background. and also to bending of general morals to get shit done and/or compromising herself and her integrity for something. (Because she did go with Merlyn, compromising herself cause she wanted to be stronger) I don’t think she would hold what he did against him, or judge him; nor would he hold it against her that she did sth very daring to get control of her life again.

Both Rene and Thea tried doing good with what they were left with, after their failures/tragedies/disappointments. Here is where Rene and Thea might have interesting discussions though, because the WHY of this varies for them. Thea’s morality is much more fluid than Rene’s, I feel. Rene seems to have the whole ‘this is right and this is wrong’ thing going on, while Thea seems more of a ‘this is right for now cause it gets the job done or works for me’ kinda girl. (she has limits obviously) She is not really a joiner or a by-the-system kind, while Rene was military. [what could have possibly prompted a man with such contempt for anyone telling him what to do, to join the military? maybe he was running away from something  - his family situation  - and saw the military as his only escape?] I don’t think he really like being within a structure that tells u what to do, though he could have made friends and found a family of his own there. After his discharge and what prompted it, its also just as probably that he is very disappointed/disillusioned by it. (Personally i doubt that he likes being part of a hierarchy because he has serious authority issues which thea shares and in both cases it stems from parental abuse). Anyway i just know that when it comes to why they do the stuff they do, or why he does and she stopped, those two could have some interesting conversations.

Not to mention that they both would totally relate to each other when it comes to the fuckton of trauma they have been through. Just once i would like to see someone react humanly - as in, the way I do, not the way arrow characters react to fucked up shit that happens to that - to what Thea has been through. I mean, can u imagine? Rene would lose his shit if he knew that

‘yeah i was stabbed through the heart with a sword and almost died and then took a dip into a magic hottub and then got super bloodthirty and THEN ALMOST DIED AGAIN FROM THAT SAME WOUND". ‘u were stabbed.’'Yeah’'Through the chest’'Yup’'By an actual sword? ’*a beat* 'what kind of fucktard psycho uses a sword? ’'oh u would be so surprised. Actually thats bad. With the kind of record the team has, u need to learn to handle one.’'A sword? o_O R u shittting me??’'I shit u not’'Wait wait wait. You took a dip into this pit and now youre like… alive. ’'Yeah’'…dude… thats way weirder than im prepared to handle.’'I KNOW RIGHT!!! ’

(Idk what that up there is, ignore it. Itbsounds more like me talking to thea 😂)

Rene is instinctively protective of those that he percives as needing protection. He went against olivers orders to help a little girl who was in danger in the II ep; because he probably didnt even think about what the Green Arrow would say or do to him. But he also treated Evelyn as an equal and never babied her. (Cause arrow forgot she was a kid but anyway). Thea would most definitely apriciate that and also find it highly refreshing after olivers constant worrying about her and malcolm taking away her agency at every point.

Not to mention that Rene is exactly the kind of dude to find Thea’s ability to kick his ass with one hand behind her back incandescently hot. U gotta respect a guy who respects and is turned on by female power.

He fights hard for what he wants - he is determined and Thea would respect that cause so is she.

Also notice how he always kept his flirting very casual, never pushy never putting anything on her, mostly fun. Cause thats a good point in his favour and would be in Thea’s books too. And how she dismisses him but in a kinda half amused half annoyed way. Its rather hilarious. And i love that despite her shooting him down he never gets bitter about it. Those two times he just kept on smiling. I bet their flirting would be so agressively playful.

He is very observant (as far as I’ve noticed he is the only one that brings in the evidence for felicity) and im thinking he is very good at noticing when ppl change patterns of behavior. he didnt realize what the change meant in Evelyn, in terms of emotions, but he was able to pinpoint exactly /when/ it had happened: after they learned oliver was a the Hood. —> Thea is super smart emotionally and has this amazing radar about when ppl’s *feelings* shift. Oliver and moira never fooled her with their 'were gonna pretend for theas sake’ shtick. She didnt know why but she knew sth is up. That’s great material there. Id be willing to explore that. The good and the bad. The way they might pick up on each other’s moods, tendencies. Good and bad days. The different ways they would notice stuff about each other: Rene by noticing when she does things differently, when she deviates from her routine. Thea noticing when he is angry or happy or annoyed about something, learning how to associate his expressions with his feelings. The two of them baffling each other on how they notice these little things that the other wouldn’t think to notice about anyone, or that they didn’t think anyone noticed about them.

It’s fun to think about.

Rene is exeptionally straightforward and honest. Thea would love that about him. Both would speak their mind frankly to each other since neither is more sensitive than the other.

Rene seems to concentrate on things he does well - mostly physical stuff, stuff with his hands (i noticed this in the crosover. While the nerds were doing their own thing rene was calmly sitting down doing his own thing, handling his weapons i think). He’s probably a kinetic learner, like Oliver. And is very comfortable around ppl who do well with their own things, which Rene might have no idea how to do. I just mean that he is comfortable in his own skin and isnt threatened by other people's power or inteligence. (That moment when Felicity delegated to him and Rory to do that analysis thing, and Rene was totally chill admitting he had no idea what felicity had been talking about and that he Rory and Curtis were the smart ones). And this brings me back to Thea being absolutely charmed by this kind of quality because Rene can manage to be sure in himself without being arrogant.

Also circles back to him loving that he can actually learn stuff from her, fighting-wise. And that would really boost Thea’s selfconfidence because i can just see Rene being flirty about it at first and then surprising her by taking her very seriously and truly wanting to learn.  And in turn she would be a good teacher because though not always the most sensitive, Thea is patient. She would love it that he is sure in himself that he would think nothing of asking her to teach him. And that he respects her and her skill to want to learn from her. Something that nobody has asked her before. And in turn, she would notice that he is an amazing team player and that she can actually play off of him when it comes to having a laugh or teasing the other team members cause theyre both sich little shits. (im also thinking that Rene’s specialty in the field would be recon - because he is so good that noticing when the environment changes, and keep track of patters and routes and stuff like that)

Rene was physically abused by his father. Thea was psycologically abused by hers. They would be able to regognise each others hurts and false-steps naturally and it would add another layer of understanding to their relationship but also a kind of tenderness and protectiveness for each other. I feel like neither of them is much of a cudler in the traditional sense of the word but they would be able to understand each others need for affection and the occasional fear of it. I mean - their scars are symetrical in some way so they would understand each others impulses a lot better than most have before them.

Despite his history tho, rene loves kids and seems hopeful about having kids (abused children will tell u that growing up into that kind of person takes strength and most certaily, goodness), which tells me that there is a lot of hope inside that man. Thea seems to be struggling to grasp onto some kind of hope, for a normal life, a normal self, something to give her meaning. They could help each other find that hope within themselves. Rene could have a positive thing or two to share with thea even, since she is more of a stark realist while rene seems to be more positive.

He is so fucking upbeat about things he actually enjoys. Like the christmass sock that evelyn gave him. Remember that smile? How eager he was and how he tore into that gift - that was precious and so pure, in the real sense of the word, not the tumblr one. I think even after all hes seen rene - and i think this is his best character trait - still has that boyish wonder intact. What makes him an idealist no matter how hard he protects himself with that jaded attitude. Hes not jaded - hes pragmatic and has issues.

And thea, oh my god, she needs someone who can really just have fun with her again. Someone who would delight in having a good time, who would love to laugh with her. Who would teach her how to see the wonderous and the joyous in the world again because i think she is having such a hard time this year. (Im very suspitious of the extreme change she has made from last year to this year and how stubborly she clings to this new status quo. Not that she shouldnt want to get away from the violence - that is an a+ reasoning for her. But her stubborness to keep away feels like fear. And i want to know what she isafraid of and why. Why she doubts herself) Im not at all convinced she is doing as well as she fronts and even if she is, she seems so serious all the time. She used to love parties - not the drug and alcohol kind but the 'together with my family and friends’ kind and rene dies too. They would have the most outrageous christmass ever. Thea would totally spoil him with all these eccentric gifts that are rpobably super inner jokes between them and rene would have a blast decorating the tree with her.

The fights would probably be very explosive cause theyre both hotheaded ppl and where thea can admit she was wrong, rene would need a little more work but im willing to bet that it wouldnt be so hard in the face of someone he loves and considers equal to himself (it was harder for him to apologise to oliver cause its a power thing and a dick measuring thing and a pride thing - elements that would be a non issue cause there would be no such disparities with thea)

Theyre also both very physical ppl and very expressive ppl so im guessing sex would be such fun for them and theyd love to try new things and just go for whatever they want.

Look i could go on. But these are all the surface level stuff i could think of. Im sure there is more. For the most part, what got me into thinking i could rly like the idea of them is the fact that around her, rene is a total goofball (i just love how sincere he is in his admiration without once seeming creepy) - i like seeing him like that and i would love to see thea laugh more. I just think they could be good to each otherband that there is a story there.

[isaacathom]

i dont /think/ the politics of the setting plays a huge role in the story, barring the effect it has on characters in a cultural sense (mostly re: Rien and Warzen). not unless the gang kidnaps a princess or something. it could play interestingly into the whole two gangs thing.

 since most of the story is spent tracking down Rien’s gang (Gang A) and then after the revelation that Saval was a Huge Fucking Liar, it swaps to the group trying to track her down (both for answers and because shes still a criminal and she straight up escaped). and maybe even that was tied into the plot. That Saval’s whole point, really, was to sufficiently distract the city/royal guard from focusing on the Hounds of Fovenis and making out Gang A to be the big villains. so the guard devotes its resources to fucking over Gang A, while the Hounds get ready for the real heist - royalty. while the guards off fucking around with random Gang A necromancers, they can just waltz in and kidnap members of the royal family and demand that $$$. a flawless plan.

except then Saval get found out. because one of the members of Gang A turning themself over and helping bring them down was not on the cards. Rien was a complete unknown factor. Koci and her justice god were unknown factors (sort of). Warzen was definitely an unknown factor, because Saval didn’t know he existed (cause, yknow, separate jails). and Saval didn’t get any pre-knowledge about Rien being an issue until Rien was supposedly murdered (the Hounds had faulty information - they assumed Amali was Rien) and Rien was chucked in the guys jail anyway. so. yknow. cool.

so Saval gets found out to be a liar. That she’s not from Gang A. how they figure out she’s a Fovenis plant instead is... hmm. not sure on that front yet. maybe its just simple process of elimination - if she’s not a member of Gang A, but she had all of this information, she was probably a Hound, and so forth.

so Saval fucking bolts. she fucked up real bad. they were almost ready to get big, but now theyre going to be under scrutiny. so she thinks, a) save my own ass and b) save my gangs ass. she leaves a trail. she plans to lure them out of the city if she can. get as much of the royal guard trying to track her down as possible. commit a bunch of random and dangerous crimes to make her a credible threat to society, etc. what else can she do???

but Saval probably falters. she’s spent a solid while with this specific group, the main cast. theyre friendly. they trusted her. and that was stupid of them. theyre stupid. but they were like... genuine about it. yknow? like they were neat. she liked hanging out with them.

and so of course the people that end up finding her are her friends. and after some fighting, she cracks. she ““accidentally”” outs the Hounds plan to kidnap royalty, which would send the region into some reaaaal chaos. cause. yknow. royalty??? especially if theres an assassination involved. which there likely is. the hounds dont fuck around. like their plan is basically to murder most of the royal family and scarper with a princex or two. everyone scrambles. the south rises. all that fun shit. makes sense to me that the hounds might be southern aligned.

then i guess the group (preferably + saval, but the logistics of that are.... complicated? disguises are possible though) races back to foil it. i dont know if they were fully succeed in that. someone probably does get straight up murdered. but they manage to mostly foil it. 

the alternative, at least in part, is to have Saval be directly betrayed by one of the Hounds. Flat out betrayed. set up. she was the fall guy. the plan, as far as she knew, was that the Hounds were going to break her out of jail just before the plan went into action, and she’d return into the fold seamlessly. that they’d put her back in her rightful spot. that she’d be back in control instead of at their whims (since her spot as the plant relies on the other hounds to do their jobs properly). and then they just dont? or something? she thought she’d be rewarded for her service to a gang she was literally born into, and that were her family, and they declined. they had no intention of breaking her out. she’d served her purpose. maybe before this mission she’d failed. she’d made mistakes. and they’d framed this mission, the long haul Gang A Plant, as a way for her to return to their good graces. but it was a suicide mission the whole time. a dead end. she wasn’t getting out.

the issue with that is that, while it basically makes sense, especially if they think lowly of Saval’s skills, is that idk how to like.... have that come up. as a way to fully convince Saval to help. without it, Saval’s only motive to urn on the Hounds is her friendship with the group, and that wouldn’t get them far enough as to convince her to fight with them against the Hounds. it would convince her to ““accidentally”” spoil the plot. which is tantamount to a full betrayal but idk, maybe they wouldnt figure out she’d done it. i mean she IS fucked either way. cause she failed. plus betrayal, ooh baby, she’s a dead ‘un, yknow? so maybe they could convince her. Rien would be a good candidate for doing that, since Rien is the only other person who is actually like, a Proper Crim (unlike Koci “i didnt want this” Farmer and Warzen “I just wanted to revive some friends” Eliodan) and would figure out how it works. besides, rien did basically experience what Saval will. if the Hounds let Saval back in, they’d execute her not long after. They’d send her to a routine job and then cap her in the head. Rien literally just had that happen (except Rien didn’t die, obviously, but the general event remains the same).

so Rien, presumably having basiiiically forgiven Saval for unwittingly setting up Rien to get murdered (its complicated), convinces Saval that if she thinks the Hounds will reward her for this, then shes the fucking idiot, not them. Because they won’t. If they don’t just kill her at the start, they’ll quietly dispose of her while she’s asleep, or while she’s on the open road. They’ll dispose of her. Failure is unacceptable to them, and Saval failed. So basically Saval’s only options are to Run, or to turn herself in and hope that the police can keep her safe.

Saval takes both. Saval agrees to help them get thwart the Hounds’ plan, and while everyone’s like, celebrating or some shit, she slips away. makes sense.

i think that would pretty much work? theres nothing wrong with the story being a smaller scale, but having Saval be the final boss would be.... weird. because she’d be really obviously less powerful than the other 4. they’d win. it wouldnt be challenging in any way. it would keep the story more.... like, personal, and thats fine too, right. i like that sometimes. but i feel like it needs a little more. plus, i could likely tie in the whole thing with the royalty with Koci. since she still has a pact in the air. the god fulfilled their end (p much), now its Koci’s turn. or something! im gonna have to think about it. esp since justice isnt omniscient and wouldnt know the royals are in danger for any certainty. maybe the pact is a bit more vague. like “if you enact justice. we’ll be good” “what the fuck does that mean” “uhhh do good things. protect people. right wrongs. save lives and shit” “arent i already doing that???” “yea but you gotta balance out what i did for you. equivalent and stuff” “huh.”

cause i guess the thing is that, without Koci knowing her pact, she probably would never do enough. its likely that if she switched too many times, they stop letting her leave, and now she cant even DO any justice. so she couldnt break her pact, and so forth. and if she knows her pact is to like. right wrongs and shit, or something, then she can convince them to let her keep coming along despite the risks, because it migh also set her free. and stuff? yea. especially as she communicates more w/ her god and they start working together more effectively. or something. again pacts are unclear as shit.

like i guess the issue with Koci’s pact is that not only was she brought back to life, BUT also that this happened so she could destroy the cultists. and then she went further. and it got a bit messy. and justice was lost. idk. maybe justice’s pact was basically ‘ill kill the cultists if you fuck over some people who have wronged me’ ‘do you know who they are?’ ‘not really’ ‘oh dude thanks youre a great help’.

idk. justice might be hard to work in to it in a way that feels satisfying or that couldnt happen without her knowing the pact. perhaps vengeance would be better? then its like, ok, i helped you get revenge. now help ME get revenge. but because Koci can’t talk to them (yknow, language barriers), Koci can’t do that. she can’t find the right people. but once they start talking, Koci figures out she can probably get what they want by continuing to do this whole main gang thing. the people they want fucked over are PROBABLY part of Gang A, right? she’ll work hard to keep fucking them up! and so the god agrees, because that makes sense, and gives her more control, which allows her to stay in the group (without the control, she’s a liability. with the control, she’s an asset) to work towards the goal.

except they arent part of Gang A. because Gang A just... doesnt do that? probably necromancy stuff. ok correction, they do, they do have a necromancer, but one who started doing that AFTER the Koci incident and therefore after the pact. and was not the goal. rather, their goal was someone from the Hounds. who i guess gets involved with the whole palace thing??? uh. ok this isnt Great. i do need to find a way to connect Koci’s pact to the story though. I’ll think more on that laaaaer??? hh

[batchaoticcollectionnight-blog]

Car Insurance. 50/50?

"Car Insurance. 50/50?

I was in a minor car accident like a month ago. and they've finally almost resolved the claim. It's probably going to be 50/50, now how will that work out in terms of money?? As in, I had an estimate of the cost it would have took to fix my damage, am I gonna get half of that?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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My father wouldn't let me road trip to another state because my car insurance would only let me drive from here to school. Can car insurance limit the places you drive?

Insurance for 2 cars with 2 different companys?

I have got a citroen xsara. which has got an insurance with Express till 17/02. I am now buying a mazda 3 which am planning to have it insured today itself with Halifax. Is this legal?

What's the cheapest car insurance for a young driver?

I know this is a common question but what is the cheapest car insuance for a you driver I'm only 20

Must I have car insurance?

I'm thinking about buying a car but cannot afford the insurance. Can I have a car with no insurance? I live in Amherst Massachusetts and not really familiar with the rules over here. Thanks a lot for any respond.

I was just wondering if anyone knows how much your car insurance goes up if you have been into an accident?

I was just wondering if anyone knows how much your car insurance goes up if you have been into an accident?

Insurance for 16 year old boy?

My son is look at an 2002 honda civic. what is the average insurance cost for his age and this car? please help.

I need help trying to get the cheapest car insurance.?

Im 18 years old i past my driving test in September but can afford insurance, the lowest quote ive been given is 3000 pounds which is outrageous. Is there any way i could find cheap insurance and what would be the car to help too !!! :) Thanks !!!""

Health insurance overlap! Two health insurance companies - is this ok?

Is it legal to have medical insurance with two separate health insurance companies during the transition between the two? And if one denies a claim, can you still file with the other?""

How much is an occasional drivers insurance in ontario?

I am 16 i have a g2 i drive and 2003 dodge caravan sxt its my dads how much would it cost to list me as an occasional driver with TD insurance

Only Teens please :) How much do you pay for auto insurance?

Teen payments 19 years old preference

How much would the insurance be on a 1969 Camaro Z28 or a 1969 Dodge Charger?

I'm looking at buying a 1969 Camaro Z28 or a 1969 Dodge Charger. Would there be a difference in the insurance? I'm 17 but by the time I find my car I'll probably be around 18 or even 19 considering that the car may need some work. I live in Ontario and I want full coverage.

Car Insurance. 50/50?

I was in a minor car accident like a month ago. and they've finally almost resolved the claim. It's probably going to be 50/50, now how will that work out in terms of money?? As in, I had an estimate of the cost it would have took to fix my damage, am I gonna get half of that?

How much will I pay for car insurance? Estimate.?

I am looking to buy a car this Spring (new, from a dealership). When I do, I will be 24, female, and have had my license for just under a year. Since I passed my road test, I have not been driving or on any insurance at all. I will be the main driver on this vehicle, though there might be a secondary driver. I will probably by a small car, like a Yaris, or a Hyundai Elentra. Something cheap, good on gas, safe, and not fast or sporty. It will be automatic. I am a university graduate (not sure if that matters but I heard it does). I will live in a town with about 100,000 people. About how much am I looking at car insurance/month? I have tried the online sites but find them confusing. Some people tell me $100, but the online estimates can be $300-400.""

What is the approximate cost of minimum coverage auto insurance in Ohio if you are young and drive a small car?

I know this depends on a lot of factors, but from the information given, just GUESS. How much? How much for someone that is about 22 years old, been driving since 17, never had an accident, never gotten a ticket.""

Car Insurance in CA - Question?

If my dad added me onto his insurance policy (Farmers) on one of our family cars, am I allowed to drive the other car as well? I believe that both cars are under the same policy, since the insurance company asked my mom which car she was driving when she was making a claim. Would I be allowed to drive both cars?""

Car insurance help!!!?

Hi me and my boyfriend are both new drivers. We bought a car together a few months ago a renault clio. We insured the car as me as the main driver. Fully comp. Our insurance costs 1885 annual. We have now decided to get another car... another Renault clio exactly the same. Are we insured to drive the second car? Do we have to add it on? Get another policy? Can we cancel? So confused please help xx

On average how much more would the cost be for insurance for a house with a pool?

We are thinking about buying a home in So Cal that is a 4 +2 house on a 10,000 sq ft lot. The house has a pool though, and our concern would be what the cost of insurance would be. The pool is deep, and there is no diving board, and at the present time there is no fence. What do you all think? We have small children, so once we purchase the home, we will put a fence up, but we're just trying to guesstimate at this point. If anyone has any thoughts, by all means share them! I really appreciate any direction I can get with this. *I would rather not call 50 Insurance agencies to get quotes and have someone selling something I don't need yet!* Thanks a bunch.""

Why can't responsible working people get low-cost health insurance?

Here's my big fault: I have no fatherless children, in fact, I have no children. Yet I have to hear a girl that I work with (who makes more than I do) talk about how she has state health insurance (I believe Medicaid) at an extremely low cost, since she made the decision to have a child with a man that she knew was a criminal, and is now serving time in prison. (And oh yeah, I drive an 11-year-old car, she just recently got a new one. But I know, that's easy when you get a free ride for the necessities.) So, why can't there be affordable health insurance for everyone, even if you did not choose to pump out a child (or children) you knew you could not afford to take care of?""

Auto Insurance Rates...Own Vs. Lease?

I'd like to know if there is a HUGE difference in monthly auto insurance rates if you Lease a car instead of buying one? Things to consider for my scenario: 1) I'm a 23 yr old male, so my rates are still higher until I turn 25 2) Will have to have full coverage considering I won't own the vehicle in either scenario (I'd have to finance if I bought). Any info would be greatly appreciated!""

Can I get a car without insurance if I am 16?

So my mom has statefarm but refuses to pay for my insurance if I get a car, I'm 16 and in Colorado, do I need insurance to get a car. This guy across thr street is selling a really cool car cheap and I want to get, would I need insyrance to buy a car and drive it, or cam I get it and avoid accidents.""

Motorcycle insurance in ontario?

How much would Motorcycle insurance be for 16 year old male liveing in Ontario? I was thinking of getting an older ninja between the years of 1987 - 96. Just wondering how much it would be around . I tried an insurance quote online, but it didnt really turn out right. Thanks""

Does anyone know what the average insurance rates are for OTR owner operators?

Just a rough estimate....I'm doing some research.

What is the cost of general liability insurance for a small business?

My history class is doing a business plan project, and I'm wondering what the cost of liability insurance for a softball training center would be?""

How can i make my car insurance quote cheaper?

When i get quotes online they are really expensive, what could i change to make it cheaper?""

Life insurance policy on live in boyfriend?

my boyfriend and i have lived together for 7 years and have a daughter together. he is alot older and if something happens i get scared of what would happen to me and the kids. ive already talked to him and he agrees that i should get a life insurance policy on him. just in case. is this possible? and can u reccomend anywhere i could get one? thanx

Purchasing health insurance?

I need to purchase health insurance. I should have purchased it a while ago because now I really need to use it. Will I be able to use it for a preexisting condition (fracture)? Any advice on a plan to purchase?

Affordable health coverage? Is there such a thing?

Single, living in NYC and I'n looking for a health insurance plan that has a good pharmacutical co-pay and doctor coverage. Can some of you let me know what plan you are on that is somewhat affordable? Thanks!""

Auto Body shop quote and Insurance quote?

My insurance adjuster came out and cut me a check for 1,200. The check issued is a fair price.The shop i trust gave me a quote of 1,300 which means I will only have to pay 100 out of pocket. My deductible is 500. Do i still have to pay 500 even though the check will cover most of the expenses?""

How can i get cheap car insurance?

is there anyway i could reduce my insurance costs

How much does an accidet impact your car insurance?

If you had a slight bump with another car down a one track country lane. And you both claimed on insurance and the damage was about 200. When you next go and insure yourself how much more would it be approx. If you were 18

Does anyone use or heard of Response.com for auto insurance?

Response.com seems to have the least expensive insurance rates at plans that are what I currently have. Going with them would save a lot of money but I've never heard of them personally.

Cheap car insurance companies?

What car insurance companies are cheap... and do they have a web site/phone number so I can get a quote

Does anyone know approximately how much sr22 bond insurance costs for a dui offense?

Does anyone know approximately how much sr22 bond insurance costs for a dui offense?

Cheap car insurance...?

If you buy a shitty car for like $500, can you get insurance that only covers the other person in a crash and not you?? I know they used to have this?""

Car insurance quotes?

I have just spent an endless amount of time on various car insurance sites, which start of with reasonable quotes then you add the bits and pieces on and you end up with ridiculous final costs. I am not insuring a 0-60 in 5 seconds type car but a small 1.4 Honda I am fully aware that any car can cause damage,my wife drives the car,has had no claims or convictions. I have a larger car and the insurance is 50 cheaper than all quotes received so far,which includes breakdown recovery,protected no claims and legal cover. anyone with car insurance advice would be appreciated, these car insurance sites are a pain""

How much will the insurance company offer for my car?

a couple questions and description..... my car was involved in an accident and deemed a total loss. I was curious on how much the insurance company may offer? the accident was not my fault. i would like to buy it back though and fix it. how much do they usually offer a totaled car back for? its a 1994 honda accord lx with 128500 on her. shes in good condition with a small 1/4 size spot of rust on the left rear fender. everything else is in working condition. its a dark blue/green color. A/C, cruise, good tires, new cd player/ am/ fm, new speakers, new timing belt, distributor and ignition switch. it has a 2.2 4cylinder, automatic. any help is appreciated. interior is very clean, and paint was good condition. thank you!""

Sprint insurance question.?

Can you only start insurance on your phone when you get it, or can you put insurance on it whenever you want? My phone is acting up and i've been on the contract for a few months now. Can I put insurance on the phone and then have the phone replaced with a new one?""

Car Insurance. 50/50?

I was in a minor car accident like a month ago. and they've finally almost resolved the claim. It's probably going to be 50/50, now how will that work out in terms of money?? As in, I had an estimate of the cost it would have took to fix my damage, am I gonna get half of that?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/monthly-auto-insurance-quotes-luis-brooks/"

[ibblu]

sorry

12:07am February 1, 2018 

dude you’re gonna be great man you don’t need to stress out and put all that pressure onto yourself. I dont say that stuff as generic comfort: You’re like a beautiful talented individual and idk man. I guess you don’t see it but I know you good dude. I know its not as simple as just saying do what makes you happy, but I say just like don’t do stuff you aren’t down for (ie that film school thing if you aint feelin so hot) and just see where shit takes you i guess. Life is just unfolding events you know its gonna work out. I used to have like mad anxiety about my future and like went to therapy and stuff but basically I just sorta resigned myself to life. I can’t stress out about deciding my future, shit just happens and I’m just taking stuff one step at a time

trust me dude, you're you, you gonna be just fine

Don’t stress about your parents man. They love ya and like I know you aren’t going to turn out to be a total failure, and if you do you can come be a failure hobo with me. They aren’t gonna disown ya or anything and im like pretty certain they arent gonna be disappointed in you (unless you know the aforementioned hobo thing)

also dont worry about confidence and success man. Nobody was born thinking they were destined for greatness (well at least most people, and those who werent honestly probably werent that great to be around). make your music and your films and weed dude- those are goals and they seem pretty sweet tbh. I feel like you think you gotta go change the world or make something crazy or get a bunch of money or somethin like that but they’re no more valid personal goals than having a dope (ha) weed commune man.  

Also i agree with you on the dan thing, He need to get high and also like patch up his relationship with his daughter. I honestly can’t really talk to him cause he makes me too sad tho. My sympathies sensors go off the charts. Also: ive seen that video of that couple and it made me feel shitty about myself cause I could never do that.

also wow this is like longer than a fuckin lit log have fun readin all this shit dude

Footnote: sorry for that film school meme, i know its a stress and honestly im biased cause ima be bummed from you leavin. just try not to worry, it ain’t life or death, and you got your whole life ahead of you cause im not letting me outlive you. 

/J