#like idk what my grade will be for this course but im sure that ill be pretty okay (c+ to b range) and like thats good!

[clonewarsahsoka]

Being genuinely supported is crazy wow

[butchtoads]

Taking a lying down break from my assignments bc my back hurts like an mf

[hearts4golbach]

could u do johnnie guilbert smut? maybe with him being sub? like whimpering and shit 💀 idk how else to explain lmao 😭

Disco Stick. (Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.)

warning: consensual sex under the influence of alcohol.

im not sure if all of this is true so if its not pretend it is!

-

The club was definitely not my first choice of entertainment, but it'd do. Me and F/n pulled up to the most popular club near us, hoping we'd meet new guys to spice up our boring lives.

we got in surprisingly quick and went to find somewhere to sit and get drinks. we settled on the bar, sitting in the very far corner so we wouldnt bother anyone. I ordered my usual while f/n decided not to drink at all so she could drive us home. sadly, next time id be designated driver.

"its boring over here, once you get your drink lets go walk around or something." she offered, sipping her sprite.

i nodded in agreement. shorty after, i finally got my drink and we got up to walk around. i sipped on my drink as we began to walk into a crowd. i was worried id spill it. i pushed through a couple people carefully, making not to disturb anyone. 2 guys with black hair stood in front of me, i began to swerve around them before one turned around, bumping into me. luckily, my drink didnt get spilt.

"shit, i am so sorry." i heard an old, oddly familiar voice apologize.

"its all good," i looked up to see his face. "no fucking way, johnnie? do you remember me from chemistry?"

excitement twinkled in his eyes as he smiled. "yeah, you were the best lab partner i ever had. how could i forget?"

"i remember you too!" jake said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"sorry, jake! how could i forget you, you always made chemistry genuinely funny!"

"junior year chem was the shit with the 3 of us!" johnnie added as he giggled.

"we should catch up! ill buy you 2 a drink!" i yell over the blaring music.

"im down." he grinned. i grabbed his hand and we walked back to the bar, f/n and jake behind us.

as we sat back down, i introduced them to f/n. "this is f/n, she didnt go to the same highschool as us but we went to middle school together and weve been friends ever since."

jake shook her hand and johnnie waved. "im jake, and this is johnnie." he said, tilting his head towards johnnie.

"hey! its nice to meet you guys." she smiled sweetly.

we spent a couple more hoirs drinking and reminiscing over all of the awkward but funny moments we had together. the three of us were the chemistry group as people would say. although we fucked off a lot, all of us ended with a 95% or higher because we made that class bearable. id rather not talk about my other grades, though.

by the time we were leaving, me and johnnie were drunk as fucking sailors. we held onto eachother, stuck like glue as we giggled over everything. we frequently tripped, unsure of our footing causing f/n or jake to help us regain our shared balance. i had my arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other holding onto the arm that was wrapped around my waist. me and johmnie clicked, just like old times.

f/n and jake threw us in the backseat. johnnie laid his head on my shoulder and i rested my head on top of his. i was nearly asleep before i was awoken by johnnie gagging loudly. "ew, what the fuck was that about?" i slurred.

"i felt like it." he laughed. i rolled my eyes and got out of the car as we parked. i dragged johnnie out behind me and gripped onto him the same way i had before.

while i was drifiting off, f/n and jake had decided theyd just stay the night at our apartment. me and johnnie were estatic about our sleepover. "why dont we just share your bed?" he smiled and laughed, making his eyes squint.

i sighed contently. "that sounds amazing. you can be my pillow." i smiled sweetly.

"of course." johnnie slurred, following me into my room.

"goodnight, lovebugs, sleep tight." f/n teased while jake ooo'd from the living room.

i laughed at her comment and laid in bed next to johnnie. he looked deeply into my eyes, looking like he had something to say but holding back. but i knew what he wanted to say, and i wanted to say it too. "i was in love with you all throughout highschool." i confessed.

"really?" his face brightened, "i was, too. theres not a day where you dont cross my mind, still." he admitted.

"me too, i was so scared to reach out. i wish you said something before we graduated." i frowned.

"me too." he whispered, his eyes flickering down to my lips then back up into my eyes. his blue eyes pierced through mine, making my insides turn to mush.

we gazed into eachothers eyes for a solid minute before i leaned in and kissed him. he immediately kissed me back, grabbing my waist and pulling me in. it was passionate and needy, making chills run down my spine. i pressed into him, wanting more. his tongue swiped my bottom lip. i ran my fingers through his hair before flipping us over and sitting on top of him. his hands carefully slid down to my ass, giving it a gentl squeeze before moving down to grip my thighs.

johnnie pulled back. "is this okay?" he asked, breathing heavily.

i nodded fast, pulling him back in. i grinded down onto his hard member, making him whimper quietly into my mouth. he began to take off my shirt, breaking the kiss long enough that i could get his off, too. i lazily unbuttoned his pants, not bothering to break the kiss. i felt his hot breath heavy on my face. i pulled his jeans down just enough so i could see his boxers.

"fuck, y/n," johnnie whispered, pulling my shorts and underwear off from under my skirt. he didnt bother removing it.

i desperately oulled his boxers down, revealing his hardened cock. i bit my lip as i looked up at him. "youre okay with this, right?"

"yes, please, i need you so bad." johnnie moaned quietly, gripping my hips as i

lined up my entrance with his tip.

i slowly began to sit, just as eager to feel him inside of me as he was. "you dont know how long ive wanted to do this, pretty boy. fuck, you feel so good." i moaned, leaning down to kiss his neck, i sucked and bit, leaving dark hickeys all over his neck and chest.

his fingertips left prints in my hips, which were most likely going to bruise in the morning but the pressure was perfect. he melted under my touch, whimpereing curses under his breath.

i sped up the pace, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. "youre so amazing," i moaned, placing my hands on his chest and tracing his tattoos.

"fuck, if you keep doing that im going to cum even quicker." he admitted, throwing his head back and biting down onto his lip.

i swiftly bounced on his cock, moaning and praises filled the room. "you fuck me so good." i tell johnnie, making his cock twitch inside of me.

"im going to cum," he whimpered and moaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

"cum with me, johnnie." i cursed under my breath.

my body tensed as i felt my stomach swirl and knot. i hit my climax, slowly riding his dick to help him ride out his high as well. he pulled out and came all over my stomach. "fuck." he said one last time, his body going limp.

i dropped down next to him, pulling the covers over our naked bodies. "i needed that so bad." i admitted before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

wrapped in eachothers arms, we slept like rocks.

[thecluelessdoctor]

a review of Gravity falls from someone who had never seen it before.

Alright so I've meant to make this post for a while but then I got... sidetracked *glances at my fucking au* ANYWAY

I'm basically unbias to the show, due to the fact I have no nostalgia for it. Ill only be talking about the show it's self for the main review.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, let's talk about Gravity Falls.

Oh yeah, and spoilers for gravity falls. Im sure most of you have seen it but- yk just in case.

I watched the show 2 times in a row. One time mostly just for me, and the other time with my little sisters. Somehow both times made me cry it's fine.

Let's get my praises out of the way first before I begin to criticize the show (yes, I do have things to say)

Number one, the actual mystery. Genuinely so fucking good. Like going in I already knew Ford existed, and I knew Bill existed, but that was it. And I thought the mystery wouldn't be a mystery to me due to this but I was WRONG. BRO WHEN STAN FUCKING PULLED UP WITH THE PORTAL I WAS F L A B B E R G A S T E D. I WAS BAFFLED. OR OR- FIDDLEFORD NOT JUST BEING A CRAZY OLD GUY BUT INFACT A ONCE GREAT SCIENCIST THAT TRIED TO DESTROY HIS MIND- it was insane.. I only had the parts, but I didn't know how they fell into place, and it was BEAUTIFUL. Hell the mystery even had my little sister theorizing.

Stan, Dipper, and Mabel's arcs. Say what you will but I think they were done perfectly. Especially Stan's. You don't even realize how he has grown as a character until the end and it's AMAZING. Dippers arc of learning how to not grow up so fast (relatable ...) and Mabel's arc of accepting that she will grow up (ALSO RELATABLE?)

The character designs. We all know, I eat up a good design. And these guys are no exception. I love how Mabel has a different sweater at least every episode, very fun. Dippers design screams nerdy kid I would bully or be friends with in 6th grade, and Stan is.. yeah I really like Stan okay. He's perfect. His design reflects his eccentric nature really well. Also Shriner fez. We need more characters with a Shriner fez. (Fun fact: I didn't know what those hats were called until watching this show.) bill is a very simple design but I love it.

Also, I love alot of the foreshadowing the show does, even if at times unintentionally. Such as with Stan and how he sadly goes out. Every representation ends up being destroyed in some way.

I also really like Ford as a character. Idk if it was intentional, but he portrays a lot of narcissists rather accurately. I live in a family of narcissist, and a lot of them act directly like Ford (especially my dad and my ex-step- grandpa) but Ford I feel like is a good representation of how a lot of people, especially narcissists, actually change. Yes, shockingly, they can. Usually being the one to pull the trigger on something they love tends to do something. Not all the time but it happens. Idk.

Also I feel like I need to talk about Mabel and Dipper more. Starting with Mabel. Mabel is fun. She reminds me of my sister, both good and bad. Though I don't understand the amount of Mabel hate there is. Like seriously she's just a 12 year old kid. I was the same way when I was 12. I was a trashy kid. Hell, I'm a trashy teen!!! And Dipper? Yeah he's dipper. Shockingly I don't have much to say about him other than the fact he reminds me way to much of the guy friends I've had since 3rd grade lmfao.

Next is the animation. The animation is pretty consistently good, I like it. Especially in some of the more dramatic scenes. All of not what he seems, a tale of two Stan's, and weirdmeddon (I can't spell) are especially well animated.

There's a lot more i wanna say, but those are the major things.

From now until when I say, it's gonna me my personal criticisms of the show. Course I am no professional, I'm literally [AGE REDACTED] minor. So yeah.

Number one: the timeline. Oh my god the timeline. As a fun thing to do on the side, I tried to sort out the timeline- IT TURNED INTO 2 HOURS OF ME SITTING THERE, PIECING THIS SHIT TOGETHER. it's not as back as some fandoms (looking at your FNaF) but STILL

The lack of Ford. I wish Ford has been introduced earlier in season two, or they had a few more filler episodes involving him as a center (similar to the episode D, D, and more D.)

The ignoring of the fact that Pacifica is borderline abused??? She's AFRAID of her parents??? She flinches at the bell??? Like what the fuck-

The lack of in show development between Bill and ford. I kinda wish it showed a bit more of their relationship in show.

Those are all my major criticisms. I don't have anything other than those that aren't more personal tastes than anything.

But ultimately, I fell in love with this show from the get go. It was the weirdest thing I'd watched in a while, and I loved it, hated it, and cried because of it. Truly on of my favorite shows I've ever watched, and I really wish I knew what it was when it was in its hay day, because truly that would have been great. However in 2012 I was only like- 3-6 so- yeah

Very much a ten outta ten show, and if you somehow haven't watched it, please do.

[delulluart]

could you post some work in progress stages of you're drawings and paintings? i am trying to improve my art and i like you're style but i don't really know how to get there. and many tutorials are for digital art only or there very anime style so it dos not very help in what i want to draw :(

but only if it is not to much work of course!

have a good day :-)

thank you, anon!

starting is really tough, i get you, and yes, i finding the tutorial for a style that you want to work in is often a struggle, but often you can apply the general rules to any style!

the most important thing is to not stop drawing! just keep going, a little bit every day/every few days and you WILL see the improvement! its super frustrating when you dont get the results you want immediately, i know that - ive been doing this for so many years now and i still produce pics that i dont like, where im disappointed in myself. but you cant let this drag you down too much, because everytime you fuck something up you learn something, too! you know then that this thing doesnt work - in a way failures are actually way more helpful. (still sucks a lot...)

as for wips: i found a few photos i took of two recent paintings; i dont know if it will help you, though. generally i just do some outlines roughly, then clean them up and then just...fill it either with paints or pencil. i dont do the whole grid method or assisting lines thing or something like that. before i start the proper drawing i often make a small quick sketch to know where everything has to go (see: first pic; youll notice its mirrored - i decided to change the entire orientation last second; i kinda wish i kept it, but its too late now) and then i just...idk? put it on the paper in a way that would make every art teacher cringe in pain (i know that, because it happened multiple times).

as for water colours its the basic rules: start with the bright parts and then go darker; make sure to use good paper, let the stuff dry before going for a new layer etc. add fine details/highlights at the end,

(hello no-hair-papa-anons, have some food here)

if you have any specific questions dont hesitate to ask, ill try to help! if you can afford it i recommend going to a proper class of an artist in your area, that can be lots of fun and really helpful. in 1st grade i was for a few weeks in a free weekly thing of a local artist and she introduced me to oil paints and taught me to just let GO sometimes of the perfectionism and the control of paints (yes, even tiny 5-6 year old me was already a control freak). the things she taught me are still with me.

[raedas]

hey i was just wondering how you figured out you were aro?? no pressure if you’re uncomfortable sharing of course ! but i’m kind of questioning and i thought maybe hearing other people’s experiences might help. and also i was in a relationship for almost a year so that’s probably somewhat significant and additionally complicating ahaha <333

hey anon!! first and foremost good luck with figuring everything out <33 i know at least for me, questioning can be a long and hard and typically ongoing process, but we'll make it through :] i'm gonna stick the rest of my answer beneath the read more bc im getting the sense im gonna go on for a bit FGDHLKSFAJ

one of the biggest things for me that i think is necessary to preface everything is that i've never really had an "oh" moment like some people talk about. there's never been a moment where i saw a label or a flag and was 100% sure i fit into that box, its more like... years worth of questioning and then the internal meter in my head slowly ticking over. like, when i was figuring out i was queer, i maybe started questioning in like... fifth grade you could say? but it started as more of a "oh im definitely not but like What if" and then gradually began to tick more and more towards "oh i think i might not be cishet" to eventually when i hit the... idk, 80% or 90% certainty mark it was more of a "fuck it, im queer" feeling. there's always going to be that bit of doubt for me, i think, and coming to terms with being aro was very similar for me in that regards

another thing is i was ALSO in a relationship for almost a year, and that's during the time when i was coming to terms with being aro/arospec, which im sure you can imagine was an Experience. i do think being in a relationship was the best thing for me trying to figure out i was aro though, bc i definitely got that sense of Wrongness of trying to think of myself as existing in a romantic relationship. like, when i thought of myself as having a romantic partner, it always felt a bit like i was playing at a part and acting like i had romantic feelings more than i actually did. of course that came with.. a lot of me trying to ignore my own feelings and feeling guilty about it up until i broke up with my now ex (this is like the funniest inside joke ever to us now dw) so that's where i was coming from w/ my experiences

i also began to realize that like, whenever i try to imagine myself in a romantic relationship, its always in some ambiguous future like 10 or so years down the line, which completely distances myself from the idea. i have no idea what a romantic relationship with someone would look like for me, it was just this idea of "yeah, someday in an ambiguous future ill have a romantic relationship with someone and we'll cook together and hug each other and have fun" until i realized that i don't actually want a romantic relationship, and also that... none of those things that i actually envisioned are exclusive to a romantic relationship. in my life ive had a grand total of 2 crushes, both of which were/are queerplatonic but also like... if i imagine having an Actual relationship its just stressful to me and not even really appealing, despite the fact that i have a crush on them.

one of the most important things im coming to terms is that its okay if im wrong, its okay if however many years down the line i find out that im actually entirely allo and fall in love with someone. like i said i dont know if ill ever be 100% confident in my own labels especially with the whole issue of "how do you prove a negative". for now, though, calling myself aro is something that makes me happy and feels, most of the time, accurate. another really important thing i think is that aromanticism is entirely a spectrum. you could be aromantic or arospec in a billion different ways*, or you could be none of them, and thats okay too <333 good luck with everything anon i hope hearing about my experiences helped a bit :]

[okamiwind]

hm here's an update on how i've been doing

i went on a band trip last week that took a lot out of me emotionally, but it was fun also? sometimes life is weird like that. like maybe you had something annoying happen to you but then that annoyance leads to a bitch session that leaves you closer to someone else, maybe in a way that you wouldn't have known before. so idk. good and bad. you're just supposed to have both, i guess.

as i've been away, i haven't been writing much besides paradisium. paradisium, despite only requiring 500 words a day, sometimes feels like a real slog. i dont think i had a super clear idea of the middle of this story, so trying to figure it out is a challenge.

now that i'm thinking about it, a lot of my stories start that way? i have a very clear beginning point, a very clear end point, and the middle is like jeremy bearimy. like how do you unravel a knot that was tied in the fabric of time? you cant, of course. you just try and hack away at it with a butter knife

summer pretty much started for me last week as i don't follow the calendar dates for seasons. seasons should be entirely Vibes based. so anyway summer started last week and i can't wait for it to be over. counting down the days pretty much.

i'm not really looking forward to my birthday, but it will be pretty cool to hopefully be finished paradisium by then. lets all put our hands together in prayer.

oh yeah. i was gonna say... today i started writing iatbye again after an extended absence and tiana happened to catch me with a call in the middle of it (usually i write in blocks of 1k, so i think of .5 as my halfway point). as i was talking to her i was like man, this is a terrible time to talk to me because all my thoughts are completely absurd and strange and weird, like i told her that the horse is a metaphor and she's like yeah of course it is and then i explained the metaphor at her for 5 minutes and then the next 5 minutes i told her about my anxieties about the next two chapters for iatbye and why that's probably contributed to my lack of energy to write it

yeah chapter 12 is like, the climax of this part. the way that chapter 17 and 25 were those big emotional moments for part one, chapter 12 will be the emotional centerpiece of part two. so it's like. you know, i'm sure it will be fine, and truthfully it doesn't matter if it sucks bc im not being graded and its just for fun, whatever whatever, but at the same time, i have these Standards TM for myself that i almost certainly can't live up to. so its worrisome. you can write things a thousand different ways, and i have to try to write it the Right way. so i worry over it.

sidlink is still on the backburner. i know in some way or another what i wanna do with that fic but its just too wide open right now for me. i need to finish an iatbye chapter to like. get back into my groove. get some confidence back or something.

so idk. that's how i am now mostly. i mostly exist in a state of depressed (and i mean that in the squashed sort of depressed way, not big sad kind of depressed way) anxiety. like most of the time i can deal with it but then ill get hit with this wave that just like waterboards me lmao

[six40seven]

September 16-18th

I didnt go to school. I told Niki i was feeling too sick to and she just nodded and said it was fine. Just by her body language i could tell she was distracted by something else and i didnt want to bother her more then necessary. I wanted to say thanks to all the people on here sending kind messages and concerned asks. I am okay. I was just a little rattled these last few days and well, of course today. I havent slept in almost 32 hours. There is no way in hell im closing my eyes and waking up somewhere strange again with no recollection of how i got there.

This doesnt make sense, and i can tell youre telling me in your head “Ran you need to sleep.” And i know you’re right but it was just horrifying. I have a hard enough time remembering what i do when im awake. Why would this suddenly start happening to me. Its unfair. I was doing fine. Now im not, and i dread falling asleep again. Im too afriad to ask Niki to instal a lock of sorts so last night and the night before and really any time I’ve been feeling the urge to sleep.. well I’ve began to tie my foot to my post. ITS NOT TIGHT. I just dont want to wander off again.

Fall break is soon. I mean sorta. I attempted to attend school online the second day home after the ordeal but my connection was too shit. I guess its the trees blocking the signal. Or maybe the mountains. Speaking of trees, i havent left my house since that day. I dont want to risk whatever happened happening again, worse while im awak. Not that i think it will but the way the trees just… tempt me sometimes. I cant risk walking to the bus or walking even out of my house. WHEERE i use to consider it a blessing to not live in the town houses, i now regret never moving closer. Fuck. Its been so long since I’ve been outside im worried my skin will fall off my body and ill die if i spend one more day barred in my room.

Its okay, for the most part. besides the natural (?) urge i have to be outside all the time. Ive sort of forgotten to document much these o past few days. But i dont think anything else significant happened. As far as related to me. Niki didnt come back the first night and i spent all that time in ym room with the blind drawn and the lights on. I was afriad if i turned the lights off i would nod off. I ended up watching YouTube and Netflix on my laptop as well as cleaning my entire room.

Usually my room is a trash heap, i like it that way, its like having my own nest. But that first night. I couldn’t stand all the things and i pretty much Ed cleaned everything top to bottom in less then 3 hours. I found a few interested things while i was doing that, including but not limited to: a box full of my old Polaroids and camera, a stuffed animal i thought i had lost which went back onto my bed, and a total of 20 spare dollars made mostly out of 1 Dollar bills and quarters.

The only thing of real interest was the Polaroid camera. I thought i lost that thing years and years ago. I only know i had one at all because i have some older pictures pinned places and tucked into my phone case. Theyre all of people i dont really know but i like to think i do so i can carry some part of them with me. They must have been important to me at some point yk. So i decided to look through and sort out any of the Polaroids i remeber or anything like that. These are my findings. I’ll explain them after i show them to you.

starting at the left top and going left to right. It reads Nov 1st 20##. all of these are from when i was a kid. maybe when i was in 4th or 5th grade? Im not entirely sure the exact age i was. The photo shown is a picture i must have taken of some sort of important journal entry, i cant really read it but at least if i ever needed to remeber taking a picture.. I remember, thanks past me.

The next one, in order, is a picture of two shadows. Maybe three. Probably me. Maybe Niki… or Eryn. we were close when we were kids and hes in two of these already. So ill just mention him. idk if he will be okay with me talking about him on here. I dont think he knows i have this account. hopefully he doesnt find it. Not that i would care very much. He just doesnt like me. The caption is just a date. oct 3rd. no year. I wonder when it happened? sometime in my childhood probably. I havent used this camera in years and years. I lost it so long ago.

The third is a weirdly saturated picture of a park in my town. The bigger town. Its just weird. And the caption says… evacuating or something. Its sorta weird. also Niki might have taken this picture because her name is on it too. Seems like her type of thing. from what i remeber as a kid, when we still lived in the big town, she was into weird saturated pictures. Something about scene. I dont know really.

The fourth is on the second line of pictures i found in the Box. On the bottom left. It says July 20## again sometime in my childhood. It shows aforementioned Eryn crouching ont he ground showing something to everyone. Or the viewer. I can see myself, or younger me. Younger me off to the side. Someone else took this picture. I dont remeber this happening. But it was important enough to keep so there it is. Thats pretty much it.

The fifth, wow thats a lot of numbers. Its got a smiley face :) on it. and its a picture of the lake. Yk the one bordering the left side of the bigger town. Its one of the smaller more muddy parts so its all gross. Probably from a hike that i wanted to remeber with Niki or something. I loved the lake when i was a kid. It was fun to swim in but after… after awhile i stopped going and then it closed because of something weird and now you can only go hiking near and around it.

The sixth. A picture of me and ****** hugging. Eryn in the background. It reads Eryn & ##### July. Its a cute picture. I dont know… who ****** is? Yeah i dont know. but i must have known them at one point because thats them. Yeah. They look familiar in the worse way and i pretty much threw that one back in the box as soon as I could. I dont like lookign at it. My stomach hurts when i do.

The seventh. And last a picture of a cat. Even when i was a kid i also apparently liked cats. It reads Spring 20##.

So yeah. I just wanted to say im glad i was able to find them and document them somewhere. I also thought while im explaing photos and stuff ill go into a little detail about what i discovered from that night. Posted on here.

The first piece is clearly a path somewhere in the forest. If i were to say, somewhere further in the mountains, near where the older remains of mines are. The only thing wrong about this piece is that…. When i posted it, theres no wya for there to have been snow. So either the photo is altered in some way, which is unlikely, because from what i can tell it was posted in the middle of the night. Or it was actually snowing wherever i was. even though all the previous days it had been raining.

The next picture looks like some sort of underground tunnel, lined with bricks and ending in step leading up to a barred and maybe locked? I dont know, barred iron gate. I have never seen that place before. Ive been in a lot of abandoned buildings that I’ve found near here but I’ve never seen something like this. The only explaination i can give for the location is possibly a sewer enterance somewhere in the basement of one of the older buildings, not from the big town but rather from the smaller town nearer to my house. Again, it looks like its snowing. Which makes no sense in any context, since it was snowing when i woke up (even though i said i thought it was) and because if this was underground where would snow be coming from? The title says… I heard you. Im here. I dont remeber this. Obviously. and i dont know who i would have.. heard? It doesnt make any sense.

The third picture… i dont have much to say. It looks dark. Maybe its related to the second picture, maybe its on the otherside of the gate. But I’ve never seen a place that dark before. Especially if it has walls. which I think it does. so it must be in a building somewhere out in the forest. Sorta supports my abandoned building theory. Or abandoned mine shaft? I have no idea. But the capture is clearly a long hallway. the caption says something is wrong. No duh. I am clearly self aware even if i dont remeber. I wonder if i act different..

Anyway, thats all for the last few days. I probably will end up attending school tomorrow. Niki isnt home yet, its near the end of the day so if she isnt home by now im assuming shes staying overnight at the office. wouldn’t be the first, wont be the last. I might get a snack before trying not to fall asleep a third night in a row. If anyone wants to chat with me, ill be open to the distractions.

[cogmented]

hey wsg cockmented! what are your tips on colours poses and shit

Hello Hist Histo Gold Historix . this is a really hard quesitons

im not very good at tips and tricks but here's what i do:

fiurst i really like pinterest here's my 2000+ pin board for art inspiration

for colors there are some things that seem right according to the Cogmented Guidelines which is just tone, atmosphere, feeling, balling, ETC...

out of the three art classes ive taken in my life all of which were in my most recent school years has been in charcoal, so a lot of what i pick is based on values too: ill turn the canvas black and white using hue blending mode, or take a picture on my phone and turn it black and white for real life things

my main goal for character pieces is to make the focus stand out but also be cohesive with the background, so ill use different values to differentiate those if colors are similar. red is much darker than yellow, even at the highest saturation, u get it. the rest is just using opposites on the color wheel

i also tend to use blending modes.. usually around 2-3 layers?

these are my base colors

kinda hard to distinguish zam in the values, yeah? and planet's shoes are far too bright, i want planets face and arms and closed fists to be their focus

i use a wide variety of the blending modes, but here both of these worked to darken the characters while increasing their saturation

the similar qualities on the characters make them cohesive with each other despite the wildly different designs and colors.. this could also just be a "style" thing that makes it cohesive but that gets more into shapes and how i draw and i dont think i could even explain that

there's also just general inspirations.. i chose a light blue background for this probably because i was subconsciously inspired by an 8 year old pmv of hawkfrost and ivypool by m0zarts using the song that is in the caption (personal by stars) AND because it's a softer color outside of planet's intense pinks and zam's yellows

this is called like triadic color palette i think i cant remember

there are always exceptions to rules and based on the atmosphere i will make the character blend in more e.g.:

for poses jii dont know i have visions in my head AND pinterest boards: 1 2

a lot of my art is expressive through poses instead of expressions because most of my designs dont have the capabilities for human expression; you're left with actions and body language (im also mad alexithymic so that's probably another reason why)

ignoring general atmosphere and art style, both are big movements but hold very different emotions ^_^ sharp and angry and desperate vs gay and carefree

the use of perspective further helps the emotions within poses, lower views make a character more intimidating, etc etc you get it for sure.

if you want to go hard on perspective, colors/lighting, and composition i highly recommend taking a film class or course or watching a video idk or something related to media-making.. drawing and film are very similar especially in regards to things like storyboarding.. the rule of thirds and camera angles that depict feeling are soo helpful to have in the back of your mind shoutout my one film and media class from 7th grade

ok thx for watching

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

[sageisnotgreene]

1. so I used byju’s cause I was already trapped under their spell since like 8th grade, it was good, I started my prep in 11th at the start of the year sooooo naturally I took it v lightly then but as soon as clat 2022 was done I panicked and their resources helped a lot. now idk anything about other institutes so ill tell you what I liked about byju’s and you can decide yourself. 

so for pros:

they had a bunch of full length mocks and tons of sectional mocks that were very helpful, they showed you your rank amongst other test takers, whether you cleared the cutoff or not, and a breakdown of what type of questions you missed in each section. they analysed your mocks for you almost, so I really liked that, it made my job a lot easier. they had their monthly gk magazine that contained nearly all of the gk topics that could come on the exam and exactly what could come from those topics. they also obvs held classes regularly teaching the syllabus and recently they added a ‘recorded classes’ part to the overall package that they offer.

and for cons

the regular classes weren’t always super helpful cause some of the teachers (one in particular) got interrupted often by the kids who were just trying to get her attention for some reason. it felt like a reddit incel corner come to life. cause of this I preferred the pre-recorded sessions but they introduced them too late into my prep and so I was forced to attend the live ones. im sure this annoying kids thing isnt special to just byju’s and is prevalent everywhere but yeah just keep that in mind. the gk magazines had a bunch of information, all v helpful im sure, but I did get overwhelmed v easily going thru it. again could just be a me thing, I can dig up one and send it to you if you want, so you can get a feel for yourself. their classes were at that awkward timing of 5-7pm, they told us the timings way before so we werent blindsided or anything. BUT that did mean you couldnt really do much around that time. again could just be a me thing

now since there still a couple of months to clat, I would highly rec getting a subscription to their monthly magazines and mocks. the comprehensive course (the one w the pre-recorded sessions + gk mag + mocks) would be beneficial if you need some concept clarification which it’s v good for.

2. soooo I neglected gk in all honesty. like 100% just didnt pay much attention to it which is prolly why my score took a hit so often in my mocks. towards the last 6 months to clat, my brain finally went ‘wait wtf are we doing about gk’ and I finally gave it some much needed attention

now I had just a couple months left and its rec to know at least the past year’s worth of gk so I started cramming those along with the daily gk notes that I had to make. now I didnt stay consistent but I was able to nitpick enough imp topics to actually know a decent bit of info on. 

then came the last 2 months of prep and I solely focused on doing a shit ton of gk quizzes (cause that helps me retain info better: getting shit wrong) and thankfully it worked (kinda) and I was allotted an NLU I was v happy w

3. no problem, happy to help in any way (really, I have nothing to do rn)

hiii

idk if you remember me but im the girl who texted you back in '22 right before clat and I just wanted to let you know I got into nlujaa this year:))))

it was def cause of your wishes so thanks sm and all the best with clat this year, you'll do great!!

OH MY GOSH????????? THATS AMAZING WTF

thank youuuuuuuuu omg

NO BUT THATS AMAZINF IM SO PROUD OF YOU

[wellnesscard]

long/personal not very important just processing and working through some shit dont read if ur trying to avoid negative body image topic i guess lolol

went to a massage yesterday and had the worst trip of my life like drug terms it was a bad trip, simple as. devon had booked them for us becuase both our bodies are so tired from working so much. but i was so tense i could not relax i was not mentally and emotionally and spiritually prepared to have all my insecurities laid bare like that. long story short it was just me laying facedown paranoid they were going to rupture my birth control in my arm or touch my genitals or see my pad (on my period ) and i started spiraling and was convinced the massouse (?) thought i was the most disgusting person she'd ever had to touch and hated me and i smelled bad and was repulsive etc. she kept going out of the room and talking to the other masuse lady like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME [extreme crying emojis] then there were like the hot stones and the very last ones she put on were so so hot like 10x what all the others had been like i almost jumped out of the bed as soon as she put them on (with no warning btw... just came in from the other room and threw them on me in two seconds flat. which is kind of fucked honestly. idk. devon's warned him about his stones like. im not imagining all of this...) they did burn me i did spring a tear at this point and tried to be chill then i rolled them off my legs because i couldnt. and of course once a tear is sprung i cant stop so i spent the next thirty minutes just like trapped there in panic mode trying not to cry but still crying while this crazy lady yanked my legs and my hair and touched me weirdly and then she's like Turn Over and i had to try and dry my face up real quick because i didnt know there would be a turning over part - there was NO intake thats why i was so scared they were going to break my nexplanon. this was so rough man. i spent this whole weird ass massage just thinkng of all my body dysmorphia and eating disorder stuff it triggered me super hard to be honest and im not sure if ive relapsed at this point or not yet im sure ill get over it but yeah... that was fucking terrible + i have such a shitty relationship with myself its really sad and honestly the best i ever felt was when i ate only meat vegetables dairy and some fruits / nuts for two years and had sweet abs and weighed 112lbs. and i think i need to stop glamorizing that period in my head but it was the only time i actually felt hot and powerful and confident in my body and wasnt faking it. but i was still sortaaa bulimic (when i ate outside my restrictions) and was doing The Most amount of drugs back then too, even though i ate really healthily, and as much as i wanted, for the first time since 7th grade so it felt like recovery. But IDK, i think its less fucked up to stop eating breads/sugars and start going to the gym than keep hiding from the fact that i think i look like a toe. rolling my eyes.

[pengu-hours]

I swear to god you don't deserve anything good in life you say to respect first nations people but you don't wanna respect anyone else you are so fucking weird get it together or get lost bitch. We all know you are more than mentally ill. I pray god takes you to the highest level of hell. If you don't wanna respect dead people go die and see if anyone cares, I hope you die in the most painful way.

yeah because this ask makes you so mentally stable. i can only assume you're christian based off of your details about sending me to the depths of hell and mentions of god, to which i say: i don't give a fuck. christians piss me off so much. there's more than just your religion in the world and if nothing was said about religion at all, keep your mouth shut. not everyone has to believe what you believe. i don't even believe in hell. also i never said not to respect the dead. i'm indigenous, respecting the dead and doing rites and things is part of our culture. i said i wasn't gonna just leave it alone because that person is obviously not dead if you look at everything objectively. the person that sent the ask said i should be glad she's not dead, to which i think is also bullshit. i don't wish death on that person by saying this, i just wish they didn't fucking fake it. it's horrible and disgusting to fake suicide for attention, and if you do that, you need serious help. i have nothing but respect for the dead, and i have several friends that are among the dead now, i'm no stranger to it. but i'm also no stranger to lunatics faking their deaths. i'm not gonna grieve for someone i don't know, people die every 11 seconds across the world but you feel no pain every 11 seconds, do you? a child is kidnapped every minute. bad shit happens in this world all the time. do you constantly live in grief because of it? no. i'm not affected heavily if this person is gone. of course i have normal decency and respect for life and it saddens me if they truly are gone, but the whole situation is uncomfortable. it's sketchy as fuck and filled with lies, nobody knows the truth anymore. with nini, we knew she had actually died. she didn't fucking fake it. but nobody fucking knew this girl, she just popped up out of nowhere and while she was here she made me feel weird because she was pushy and sent a bunch of asks acting as if we were friends when i didn't even know her. i hope karma comes back for you, oginalii. also idk what you mean by im not more than mentally ill, because literally that's what's wrong with my brain? my brain doesn't produce chemicals or regulate things properly. i'm not a psychopath or anything like that and i actually do therapy and have for years. i'm one of the kindest people you'll ever meet and i've literally given up my own belongings and money (of which i have very little) to make sure my friends were okay. i brought one of my bullies snacks during snack time in 5th grade because i felt bad that his mom was going through a hard time and had no money to buy him snacks. the other funny thing is that i know many of my friends would care if i died. many MANY people would care if i died. staff from my school that i bonded with, old friends, relatives, current friends. probably even some people i don't know. people in my band at college and in my major. it's what we do when we lose someone. you think you're so high and mighty but your god doesn't even care about you, much less exist. why would he allow anyone to suffer if he knew what would happen to them. you're his plaything. a toy. a pawn. you mean nothing more than that to your god. have a nice life though, and thanks for trying to misconstrue things i said just so you could be a vindictive bitch, it was very entertaining.

[elysianslove]

SAL OKAY ITS GREY. YOURE NOT READYAAAAA IM STILL SCREAMING

So today at lunch i sat behind him + his friends and waited for my friend to come sit with me- she came and was like “ohh wheres your boyfriend “ and noticed he was RUGHT next to us and she started threatening me to talk to him. she was like “if you dont speak to him im going to talk to him and tell him to give you his number” and i was freaking out bc shes BOLD!!! BOLD I TELL YOU!! and i was like “nononono ill talk to him in like.. ten minutes ill just tell him his hair is nice” and she wasnt having that so she was like “ok… excuse me! excuse me!” and he turned and i was. humiliated my guy… so embarrassed.. so i turned away and held my head in my hand while i scrolled on my phone.

she said “my friend thinks your hair is really nice - she likes it a lot” and i like slowly turned to face him and he smiled at me and was like “oh thank you!” and i nodded and was like SHAKING!!!! and said yeah of course

YOU WOULD THINK??? THAT WOULD BE IT😆😆😆IT FUCKING WASNT😦

my friend then goes “are you… blushing” and i nod anf turn again to hide my face from his friends and then… she goes “excuse me” again and says… she… she says

“would you mind giving her your number??” BRO… BROOO!!! and he went “oh ? yeah sure its 77-“ AND I WAS FREAKING OUT LIKE BRORBRKHAGSLDHEL SH KEHS and i felt so bad but i could feel myself getting more embarrassed and just went “ah actually my phone number is deactivated at the moment…” CUS MY PARENTS🙄 “do you.. maybe have social media?” and he kinda frowned and was like “ah.. not really” and i was like “oh uhm okay” and he was like “but i have snapchat if you want that” and i was like “i dont have snap.. i dont know how to use it but i mean- ill take it” and he was like “okay- here one second” and pulled out his phone and gave me his snap code and my friend was trying to save it for me so he and i started talking a little and he was like “so what grade are you in “ and i tokd him i was a junior and he told me he was a senior (as if i DIDNT know that🙄🙄) and i was like “oh really? you only have a short while left huh?” and he nodded and was like “yeah i know..” and i asked him for his name and he responded and i told him mine and he was like okay ill remember LIKE DBRIHEJSHSJEOSH!!!!! and then my friend finished and gave him his phone back and THIS MF GOES

“yeah she REALLY likes you- like has a big crush on you” OH MY GOD I WANTED TO CRY SO BAD?? and i literally turned away and was like “i do NOT!:&2)2@&2)2@2$2” and he laughed kinda and she kept going on and i turned back and he was looking at me and was like “ah why are you embarrassed?” LIKE WHY DO YIU T HROSNLSBSKSC$:7:)2@ but anyways we ended the conversation a little after AND NOW I HAVE TO MAKE A SNAP ACCOUNT AND ASK FOR MY FRIEND TO GIVE ME HIS SNAP AND AAAAA IDK WHAT I SHOULD SAY IM SO BERVOUS

AHHHHHHWBSJWJDJDJXJVEHJDD$&/8.&/&£&/&/ HELP HELP HEKPSJSJEJDKD YOURE JOKING THIS CANT BE REALSJEJDJDJFN

OH MY GOD FUCKING FINALLY FUCKING FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU IT FINALLY HAPPENED AHHHWBDHWNDJEKD THATS SO AMAZINGJSNDJ

OKAY NOW GO MAKE A SNAP ACCOUNT AND GET HIS SNAP AND TEXT HIM “hey it’s me from ...“ YK YK HIWNDJEJDD IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU

LOVE IS IN THE AIRRRRRRR

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: Ocean’s Breeze

Author: @bebexox4

For: @poisoned-monkey

Pairings/Characters: Izuru Kamukura/Nagito Komaeda

Rating/Warnings: Teen and up I guess for mentions of animal abuse (maybe?? idk if sea creatures count as animals).

Prompt: A pirate and friendly sea monster AU

Author’s notes: Holy fuck this was a nightmare.

As a preface I haven’t written a fanfiction in like 2 years max so this was all fuelled by my limited knowledge of what I paid attention to in English lessons (Grade 7 GCSE yes boiiz). I also started this 2 days before the deadline and completed it…like today. (1st Sep yeah ik it's late give me a break). I’ve never done anything like this before and initially thought you had to do ALL THREE prompts so i’m glad i got this over and done with. Maybe next time I do this i won’t be a wally and actually spend the whole 2 months doing it. So yeah poisoned monkey im so sorry 😖😭

Anyways! Onto da story :)

“Captain Kamukura,” A crew mate came towards him, slightly shuffling his feet in utmost fear,”We’ve found them… the sea folk I mean”

“Understood,” Kamukura spoke, with an air of authority, “Bring me to them immediately.”

Opening the doors to the bottom deck, you could cut the tension and disgust in the air with a knife. Kamukura had known of the clan's horrid business but the sight before him left him speechless. Ravelled, knotted rope cut sharply through clusters of split scales and damaged fins all compact into the claustrophobic net. The pained cries of woeful mothers wailing for their school pierced sharply through Kamukura’s ears, as he looked on in utter discomfort as his crew members clumsily hacked through the rope, too stressed to notice their saws cutting through the fragile fins like paper.

One merfolk caught the captain’s eyes, however, as beyond the mishmash of pink stained rope was a not particularly well-off siren being tended to by the crew medic, Mikan, who was tending to his wounds, using her extended knowledge of merfolk and working her magic. Kamukura decided to leave her be, not before analysing the curious siren before him.

By human standards, the creature looked deathly ill, sheet-white skin which matched his unnaturally white hair looked smooth and silky, it looked like a doll. His eyes were a strange color, a mystical mixture of the most emeraldest of greens inbetwixt the dullest of greys. Kamukura thought he looked stunning. Kamukura kept his gaze on the siren, trying hardest not to react when the curious siren looked his way and enthusiastically waved back (much to the chagrin of Mikan, who politely yet tearily suggested that he kept still).

“U...um, Kamukura..?” Mikan approached him with a weak smile, nervously shuffling her feet on the sodden wood. “The siren I am treating w-would like f-ot you to come o-over… I-If that's fine of course!”

Kamukura weighed his options. He could, of course, stay here and tell Mikan to do her job; however it wouldn’t be wrong to say that the boy had peaked his intrigue, so despite his better judgement…

“Of course, If he really desires to.” Kamukura turned towards him, in which the siren gave him an appreciative look.

“Are your wounds healing, siren?” Kamukura addressed the siren, who seemed elated, eyes wide and shining and an unmoving smile stretched across his face. Kamukura wasn’t expecting the boy to reply to him, as he wasn’t exactly sure if he spoke the same language as the captain, however he received an immediate reply.

“Yes! Of course!” His voice rung out softly, “Your wonderful nurse is too kind for wasting her valuable knowledge on such a bottom feeder such as I… I’m truly and utterly indebted!”

Despite his cold, self deprecating words, the warm smile plastered on his face did not move an inch, as if the foul descriptors were nothing new to him, Kamukura simply sighed and moved to sit next to the siren.

“Tell me young siren…” Kamukura started, “What is your name.”

“I hardly think my name matters…”

“It was an order.”

The siren was taken aback, eyes darting between his fins and the floor, which had become much more intriguing. Sulking he gave in, and stared into Kamukura’s eyes with a new found determination.

“My name is Nagito Komaeda.”

‘Komaeda huh…” Kamukura thought to himself, ‘That is a strangely human-like name.”

Kamukura thought pensively to himself for a few moments before being abruptly shaken out of his thoughts as the curious Komaeda moved in close to his face mere inches away, as if he was analysing him. Now that he was close, Kamukura noticed many more details of the siren that he never noticed before, like how his hair defied all known laws of physics, as fluffy curls and damaged strands of hair stuck out to the sides, and in front of his face and his button-like nose, tickling Kamukura’s face as he drew closer. His eyes were much more human-like than the traditional eyes of most seafolk, dark irises staring into the window of his soul.

“What’s your name then? If I may be so impertinent to ask.” Komaeda asked sweetly, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Kamukura saw the curiosity and adoration on the boys face and thought for a short moment before giving him an answer. Kamukura moved swiftly and leaned in close to the sirens ear, earning a short gasp from the other, he had no idea what he was doing but was too far in before he could stop his next actions. Whether it was some silent melody whispered by the siren before him or if it was just his newfound lack of impulse, soft lips brushed the creatures ear, and with a cold voice:

“You may call me Izuru.”