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dangopango00 · 10 months ago

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When You’re Upset HCS

Legato x gn reader

A/N: Yes i am so upset shhhh but it gave me sm inspo ok enjoy can u tell im obsessed with him idk i think its pretty subtle.

CW: I put a lil comedic remarks bc i stopped being upset halfway through (distractions make me feel better)

(Breaking it down into three parts: Does he know [sorry it was funny], what does he do, when ur back to normal)

Does he know?

- IMMEDIATELY. I mean if its just a minor annoyance and nothing serious then it would be hard for him to catch on bc hes not very attuned to others feelings nor is he used to noticing subtle changes

- He does try his best to be attuned to ur feelings though and if ur seriously upset then hed definitely notice

- What tips him off most is ur attitude

- Whether ur an introvert extrovert ambivert whateverrrrs you always have this kind of positivity about you (which is necessary to be around him healthily)

- However, ofc, this quality is lost when ur upset

- Youre around him and or talking to him much less and keeping to yourself more even if u arent upset with him specifically which hed immediately notice (hes a little clingy when it comes to spending time with you. That shit gets serious for him 🤞🤞)

What does he do?

- I think it depends on what you do tbh Id say hes pretty reactive

- If you were to rant to him abt whatever is upsetting you (even if its him) he’d just sit and listen

- He doesnt really know what to do so the best he can do is lend an ear and will only really chime in if he thought of a solution for the issue or to apologize if u told him he did sth wrong and he has no dispute abt it

- Might add in a few ��Mmm”s or “Ah”s just so u know hes listening but dont be surprised when most of the time he just sits silently and stares right at u, ofc hes listening

- If you seem to get really upset during ur rant (like panic attack or super angry) hed do something simple to make you feel better like awkwardly patting ur head/back and tell you to stop. Talking (hes doing his best ok he just means to say take a break from ur rant and calm down a bit)

- Will also get u water or generally a drink during the above situation

- If you were to hide that you’re upset and try to be normal I think it would puzzle him as to why you’re acting like this when he can clearly tell you’re upset

- He’d first observe u for a while and wonder if maybe its a small matter so/or you didn’t want to get him involved

- Even if it IS small hed still be worried during the time you’re upset so hed just do subtle things for you to make your days smoother and avoid stressing you out further like getting food for you or running errands for you (does this anytime you’re upset no matter the circumstance but it increases like 10x in this specific scenario)

- If your condition doesn’t improve or if it suddenly improves without warning he’ll do his best to convey to you that u can rant if u need to

- “What is troubling you” or “What is your problem” something short like that is the best he can do for now but you can hear how worried he is in his slightly wavering voice as his curious gaze scans over you

- If you were to just shut down; go catatonic he would be worried most in this scenario because of the stark contrast in your usual personality

- Like the last scenario, hed observe u first but hed act quicker with this

- Hed almost immediately ask whats troubling you like millions thoughts are running through his mind:

What if someone had threatened you?

What if he did something and didn’t even notice it?

What if someone was already hurting you?

What if you hate him?

What if—

- Considering you were already catatonic you likely don’t tell him what’s upset you so much which he takes as a sign to stick by your side even closer so he can observe the situation himself

- Hed sit next to you while you lie motionless, rest his hand on your head and if you aren’t opposed he’d mess with your hair and massage your scalp a bit

- If he knows you’re touch averse like him he wouldn’t even get the idea to do this and would instead just sit beside you, hoping you answer his previous question

- If you aren’t, he gets this idea BECAUSE you seem to like touch and this is what he can offer without being overwhelmed or anything (idk how to explain it but like he often thinks about how you deserve someone who can fulfill your needs and in his mind touch is one of those but its just something he cant do currently and its a bit of a sore spot)

- General

- No matter what the scenario he is asking WHO upset you; he just wants to talk to them 😊 #loveandpee

- Will alwayssss engage in acts of service hoping it makes you feel even a little better. Hes peeling the orange just gws, please.

- Spends as much time as he can by your side; hes very worried and really wants to know whats up but he doesnt want to prod so much that it makes u clam up even more

- Overthinks wnv ur upset even if outwardly he hardly says or expresses anything at all

- Acts like ur personal spokesman guard dog butler bf when ur upset even if hes none of those (will speak for you and defend you if ur upset and someones trying to pick at u)

When you’re back to normal?

- Hes so normal (lie) Hed be so happy 😭😭

- All this time hes been worried sick about why you were upset and if it was so bad that youd been upset more than a day? Whewww he was sooo worried you might never go back to how you were because what if it was something that completely changed your worldview?

- If you didnt ever go back to normal then itd be like seeing the last of a campfire burn out on a cold unforgiving night. It would be such a shame bc ur positivity has been keeping him a bit more positive and just. You get him through the day although he never really noticed it himself— that is until you were the one who was upset and pessimistic

- Hes so sweetie pie he follows u around like a lost dog; its as if hes clinging to sunshine after dealing with the harsh winds of winter. He just needs to make sure that you’re completely okay and wants to soak up some of ur usual energy for himself in the meantime

- All this is going on in his head but lol outwardly hes just smirking and being weird again (affectionate)

A/N: it was extremely hard not to name the sections

Does he know?

What the Legato Doin?

WE ARE SO BACK

whew i have an atmosphere to keep

Edit: proofread and edited 😙✌️

#legato and i should kiss #legato bluesummers #ridiculous men x reader lol #legato x you #legato bluesummers x reader #legato x reader #legato trigun #trigun #trigun stampede #comfort #fluff

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mcrmadness · 2 years ago

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Okay so. Generalised anxiety disorder taking it to whole new levels tonight.

I just got back home, and should go to sleep soon, but I just imagined a new horror scenario that's probably scarier than anything ever before. I can't even write it down, that's how scary it feels! Going to the OCD side of my anxiety where magical thinking is a thing. Anyway, let's just say it's one of those "what if?" thoughts and it was about paralysis, and now I'm super anxious and don't wanna go to sleep at all. It's because of something minor that happened today and kinda traumatised me, but of which I can't say more about even if I wanted to. My arms just turned slightly numb randomly and I think it might have been because of the posture of my back, and I've been freaking out every since. Even when my arms and back and anything can become numb just by leaning my arm in a certain way against a sofa's back rest or keeping my hand behind my head. Its just something that always happens, but today it was scarier than usually for some reason.

In general, it's again one of those worse days with my anxiety. I had a bit of anxiety in Berlin too but for other reasons and other intrusive thoughts. But at home it's constantly about my mortality and I get so much anxiety just from the fact I have a body because I can't control my health, which I normally don't even have problems with! But still I again feel so exhausted because I can't know if I'll develop health problems eventually or not. I know anxiety and stress are not helping with that at all.

Idk, I don't know why it has gone to this again. I feel like I'm burnt-out again and I haven't even done anything. I was to Berlin, which was amazing, but the life in my own city feels suffocating. I don't think my anxiety would go anywhere even if I did live in Berlin, but I might still have less time for irrational anxiety and more time for nice things. But maybe it's the occupational therapy, and me applying to a school (and being accepted to there), and sll that that's making me so tired. Like, I'm mentally ill after all, I'm not able to work rn.

I'm also feeling scared because I'm always terrified of my depression coming back. I always start having panic attacks when I go through simular emotions and thoughts I had when depressed, because that time was some of the worst years of my life and I don't want to ever go through that again. The only way out was antidepressants and this time I don't have that, because I don't want to touch pills ever again.

I'm just so tired of being afraid. Often of my own mind. I've been st home for almost 2 weeks now and this is still going on. I just miss Berlin, or want to go just somewhere else that is not my city. At the same time being elsewhere is awesome because new things, but also exhausting because of my dissociation, and because sometimes my anxiety finds me even from another city and it's not fun when the realization of my mortality and vulnerability hits me.

I feel like I really need to talk this through with someone/just anyone. It's getting too heavy for just person right now, and I don't seem to find a way to get it out peacefully.

#mcrmadness venting #tw intrusive thoughts #anxiety #generalised anxiety disorder

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notebook-13 · 5 years ago

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Shigaraki • Development

Backstory

(Note: Tenko was Shigaraki’s childhood name.)

First things first: Shigaraki’s backstory is probably meant as an allegory. The house his father built is a microcosm of society, his father Kotaro represents people with power, Tenko represents people without it, and the other family members are bystanders. The power imbalance and communal emphasis on harmony enables Kotaro to take out his baggage on Tenko while Tenko is required to repress his. Resistance, even if it’s minor, causes Tenko to be shunned and beggared, as Kotaro locks Tenko out of the house in the backyard, in the dark, unfed, without even a roof over his head.

Edit: @codenamesazanka has an excellent reading of this allegory!

Theirs is a household that prioritizes unity and a façade of happy domesticity over Tenko’s wellbeing. His mom and grandparents treat him gently, reject him kindly, and refuse to admit to him just how terribly Kotaro treats him. Though the three adults understand that Kotaro is the problem (they criticize him in private or cry out futile protests during an incident), they are unwilling to disrespect Kotaro to Tenko’s face. Doing so would mean facing their victim and owning up to their own culpability, too.

So, throughout Shigaraki’s backstory, Horikoshi intersperses black panels with increasing grains of white. This references Shigaraki’s “wound in his heart.”

The first black panel appears when Tenko is crying to his mom, Nao, about his dad; the second appears when he is similarly comforted by his grandparents.

After an episode with Kotaro, Nao hesitantly asks Tenko if he still wants to be a hero.

Nao: “Tenko…do you…still want to be a hero?” Tenko: “Yup. Because like, nobody wanted to play with Mikkun and Tomo. So I said, ‘Let’s play together!’ And we played heroes, and it was super fun. And then Mikkun said, ‘You should be All Might, Ten.’ And I was nice and played with them even though they don’t have any friends.”

It’s hard to follow Tenko’s five-year-old’s logic here, but the gist seems like Tenko wants to be a good person who makes people less lonely, and he thinks heroes do that. The implication, then, could be that Tenko is lonely, and his admiration for heroes compensates for what’s missing in his family (a hero).

What’s also significant is that Tenko noticed Mikkun and Tomo were suffering, and instead of ignoring it or playing along like everyone else, he did something about it. What he emphasizes isn’t, “we played heroes and fought bad guys, it was really cool”; he emphasizes that he was kind, that he helped kids who were lonely. This isn’t a kid who wants to be a hero because heroes are strong.

Also worth noting that in bnha, p much every kid wants to be a hero. By forbidding Tenko from even playing, Kotaro draws a line between Tenko and his classmates: Tenko is not one of them. He’s not allowed to dream he’ll be a hero like everyone else. In a society overflowing with heroes (and with adulation of heroes), Tenko can’t be one of them nor admire them.

^^ the first “wound” panel is the black middle one

When Nao tells Tenko that “it’s hard to be a hero,” especially right after hesitantly asking him if he still wanted to be one, Tenko understands that she’s discouraging him—similar to how Inko apologized to little Deku when he asked her if he could become a hero without a quirk.

When Nao tells Tenko it’s difficult, she’s essentially repeating what Kotaro says (“being a hero will cause him nothing but trouble”). By siding with Kotaro, she tells Tenko that he can’t become who he wants to be. He must conform to authority and let Kotaro determine his life. What he wants and feels don’t matter. Kotaro is right.

The wound begins to open.

Similarly, his grandparents offer him empty comfort because they, too, believe in presenting a unified front. The kids aren’t allowed to be aware that there’s conflict between the grown-ups: rules are rules, instructions from your seniors are absolute, social harmony (and by extension, social hierarchy) has to be maintained. Tenko himself is the troublesome one—he’s the one who needs to be comforted, who keeps breaking rules, who can’t pretend everything is okay the same way everyone else can.

The wound opens further.

The initial wound and its exacerbation are both brought on by his mom and grandparents, not by Kotaro directly. Why? Because it’s the permissiveness of the adults that socializes Tenko in how to react to Kotaro. Kotaro’s abuse is too much for a five-year-old to process, so he trusts the other grown-ups in his life to understand it and tell him how to feel about it/what to do about it.

What they tell Tenko, implicitly, is that his pain doesn’t matter enough to do anything about, and it’s his fault it exists. Underneath, he recognizes this and resents them for it. They might not actively participate in Kotaro’s abuse, but they actively support him by trying to wipe away the consequences without any accountability for the problems. They shift blame to other people (Kotaro, Tenko) without owning up to their own role in the proceedings, so that they can pretend life is good and think of themselves as good people who don’t make trouble.

Tenko has a related “wound” associated directly with Kotaro.

((When Kotaro approaches Tenko to begin smacking him…))

The “itch.”

Tenko is five years old, and kids that young aren’t known for their emotional intelligence. This is his little-kid way of trying to describe his negative emotions: agitation, anguish, panic, frustration, aggression, resentment, desperation, (thwarted) hope, and so on.

Tenko scratches himself frantically because he doesn’t know how else to react to the things he’s feeling, and he doesn’t know how else to react because nobody is trying to help him sort through them. He’s only been told to suppress them. Plus, in adulthood, Shigaraki scratches himself when he’s stressed about something, so it makes sense for this ~allergy~ to be the origin.

I dunno why Tenko fixates on his face—his eyes, specifically…maybe out of shame? maybe because his face and eyes are what express his uncomfortable feelings, and/or because his eyes are what he uses to fruitlessly beg for help? or maybe the eyes out of a desire for blindness, to not see what’s in front of him the way everybody else pretends not to see?

(The irony, ofc, is that Kotaro is accusing Tenko of wanting to hurt their family, when in fact Kotaro is the one hurting their family.

Judging by how Nao and her parents approach Kotaro after the fact and tell him that they will leave if he hits the children again, I don’t think it was common for Kotaro to smack Tenko like this.

Also, this is the first time Tenko is shown scratching his neck: when his thoughts are crying out, help me!)

Tenko isn’t begging mercy from Kotaro, which says leagues about their relationship. Instead, he’s begging for interference from the rest of the family, for someone to stand up for him, to challenge the public humiliation Tenko regularly endures as Kotaro’s scapegoat. Nobody does, of course, like always.

It takes a few hours, locked out of the house, for the trauma to set in.

The wound gets worse…but this time it’s different.

For one, it’s accompanied by dialogue, not narration, and “everyone” is centered right in the core of his rage. The second (iffier) difference is that this time the wound and the itch coincide. In the previous situations, he’s either scratching himself or the wound is deepening. This is the first time Horikoshi depicts the two occurring simultaneously, and it’s this moment that his quirk fully awakens.

Tenko kills his dog and begins to have a panic attack. His emotions are choking him; the only way he can ask for help is to reach out to his sister, finally, in the way he didn’t dare to reach out while Kotaro was smacking him.

I’ve seen people suggest his voice fails as a side-effect of his quirk, but I think it’s trauma-related, not physical. For one, he still describes it as an “itch,” and for two, once he processes his trauma and decides that killing his family wasn’t a tragedy, Shigaraki’s characteristic squiggly speech bubbles are replaced by average speech bubbles.

This is consistent, so, his vocal problem was solved emotionally. So maybe his quirk was reacting to his emotions and placing pressure on his vocal chords? But idk, seems to me it was a psychosomatic problem.

Either way, he kills his sister as she runs away, and her scream attracts his mom and grandparents.

Then comes the fourth panel.

(For context, the narration refers to how his negative feelings towards his mom and grandparents accumulated.)

The whiteness is gushing forth, and it surges when Tenko sees his mom staring at him with terror, unable to summon a reassuring smile or any words of comfort for him.

The noises catch Kotaro’s attention. He pokes his head into the hall and walks through the empty house until he spots the open door to the backyard.

(Tenko has now transitioned to mainly scratching his neck instead of his face.)

Tenko reaches out to someone for the final time, and his (deadly) hand is rejected—smashed away, really.

Kotaro’s life is in danger, he’s shocked by the deaths of his family, he panics, and he reacts cruelly.

The tipping point is what happens afterwards.

Kotaro is surprised and horrified by what he’s done. But, like always, he stubbornly refuses to acknowledge to Tenko his wrongdoing. Instead, he reacts by doubling down and asserting his authority.

“Mommy, why does Father say no all the time? Does he hate me?!”

I’m not sure quite what Kotaro is doing here. At first I thought he was smacking Tenko, the way he did earlier that day, but that blob in the lower right panel is part of the background, not his hand in motion. So instead, it looks like Kotaro is holding out his hand in a “stop, stand back, stay away from me” gesture, or maybe to literally push Tenko away. (Have to wait on the anime, I guess.)

Regardless, Kotaro tells Tenko “no” for the last time. The immediate blame, the dearth of kindness or sympathy, the reaching out to him—someone’s trying to save him!—only to deny him…it evokes their history. Tenko is already in the midst of a meltdown, and now he snaps.

I hate bringing up real-world examples when thinking about stuff like bnha, so I hope this will be the only time I ever do it, but I’m powerfully reminded of a gun violence incident in Mississippi where a nine-year-old kid and his thirteen-year-old sister got into an argument over a video game controller, and the boy retrieved their parents’ gun from another room and shot her.

It’s ludicrous to think he had any meaningful concept of what he was doing, and, regardless of how Shigaraki interprets his past, the same holds for Tenko. Just because Tenko had a good “reason” to want Kotaro dead doesn’t imply he had a meaningful grasp of what he was doing. He killed Kotaro because he was a kid with access to a deadly weapon, and there’s a reason kids aren’t trusted with those.

But it is meaningful that Shigaraki struggles to make the distinction between aggression and murderous intent. AfO deliberately trains Shigaraki to adopt this warped mindset by telling him that his bad feelings, his “itch,” are equivalent to bloodlust. Realistically, there’re plenty of ways to relieve negative emotion, but Shigaraki has been taught exactly one outlet: destruction. So, he doesn’t realize that his murderousness is a product of nurture, not nature. (Also, lol, “murderousness” is a real word!)

Anyways, for the first time, Tenko experiences catharsis for the negative emotions that have built up his whole life. A fluke of fate enabled him to subvert the established power dynamic, and the destruction of the house encapsulates the collapse of their family’s hierarchy. He still doesn’t understand what he’s done.

By the next morning, it’s begun to sink in. He ran away from the house and then wanders the streets, too consumed by guilt to speak, and he’s ignored by everyone. When someone finally pays attention and seems willing to help him…

He smiles, happy that someone is finally going to help him. But his dirty, creepy smile scares the old lady off.

(reminds me of his early design.)

To him, it’s like people can see what he’s done, and that’s why nobody will help him or even acknowledge him. Notice the lower left corner: the blackness and white grains, spilling over from his wound.

The itch returns, and the scratching and the wound overlap again. It’s hard to say whether the wound is reacting to the old lady in general, or if it’s tied to the narration line “being punished.”

It occurs when Tenko simultaneously wants to be saved but also thinks he doesn’t deserve it, that everyone can see how bad he is and knows he doesn’t deserve help.

What did Shigaraki learn from this?

Social harmony is forged by repressing conflict, not by resolving it. This happens at his expense, purposefully.

“This is the house my father built.” Creation, construction, building, making walls, making rules, making—these are bad, and they’re performed by the people with authority and power. These things happen for other people, not for his sake.

He’s not important enough to be helped / not worthy of it, and he resents that.

Origin of his self-loathing.

Other notes:

The “itch” is something he can find temporary catharsis for (through violence), and Shigaraki thinks the itch might have gone away if someone had just helped him. The “wound” is not something that ever alleviates or that he suggests could have gone away.

The wound’s origin is from the complicity of his family to Kotaro, not from Kotaro himself.

It’s interesting that his dream to destroy society is a reenactment of his destruction of his family/house, even though killing “everyone” the first time devastated him.

He switched from mostly scratching his face to mostly scratching his throat.

Both these are sites where emotion is expressed.

Hands are another site of expression, and he later develops his fascination with his family’s hands and uses his own hands for destruction.

Activating decay seems to have hugely worsened the scarring around his eyes. He says that he thought the “itch” had gone away, so it’s unlikely he was scratching himself overnight…so I think his quirk had the side-effect of exacerbating his scars? If decay made the skin around his eyes hurt, that could relate to why he switched to mostly scratching his throat.

Even as a kid, Tenko had a certain amount of pride/dignity, enough to blame others for mistreating him instead of blaming purely himself.

Tenko admired heroes partly because his family lacked one, but when he discovers Nana…? Now someone inside the family (inside the house) was a hero, so the rules were different than what he thought?

Upbringing by AfO

When Tenko killed “everyone,” that included himself. All that’s left of him afterwards is an empty shell. He doesn’t even seem to remember what he’s done.

But AfO is willing to extend a hand and touch Tenko.

He’s willing to acknowledge Tenko’s pain, something nobody else was or is, at the moment in his life when Tenko feels he least deserves sympathy.

Now, obviously it’s hella suspicious that AfO already knows Tenko’s name, knows what he’s done, and procures his family’s hands, but Shigaraki doesn’t seem to question it. Tenko’s arms dangle there, limp, as AfO embraces him and tears stream down his face. And, ofc, AfO echoes All Might’s motto.

AfO takes Tenko in and tells him he’ll be his master from now on. Then…

Tenko viscerally remembers what he’s done, and his immediate reaction is to scratch himself, puke, and then seize the severed hands, gathering them up and cradling them close to him. It’s probably then that Tenko discovers the feeling that Shigaraki describes—of feeling violently ill but somehow at peace, too. (“When a person’s life starts spiraling, what’s the one thing they want? Comfort.”) There’s way too much to unpack here, so, moving on.

The “purpose” that AfO alludes to is the destruction of society/the status quo.

While Tenko is huddled on the ground, cradling the hands, AfO continues.

AfO’s the first person willing to talk to him about his itch as emotional instead of as an allergy. He tells Tenko point-blank that he cannot control his impulses and that his release must take the form of destruction.

This moment baffles me. AfO openly admits that Tenko’s feelings will fade…if left be. As far as we see, he doesn’t explain to Tenko why it’s important that those feelings never fade, why emptying himself of his pain is a bad thing. But even after being told time would heal him, Tenko keeps the hands close to him—and I don’t think he was just doing what AfO wanted.

This panel is also interesting because it definitely makes it look like Tenko’s wound is glowing, like it’s a light in the dark. Also, AfO’s dialogue nearly obscures the early panel of the wound…hm.

Regardless, AfO implies that those feelings are the most important thing Tenko has, and he should keep them close. It’s not specified if AfO told him to wear his family.

Later, Tenko’s wandering on the streets (his hands aren’t with him) when he encounters a duo of thugs, who beat and mock him. At first, Tenko lurches to fight back, but…

I think these are more “wound” panels: the blackness with white grains. He backs down, even though his rage doesn’t dissipate.

When he returns home, AfO encourages him to embrace his feelings instead of holding them back. Tenko literally writhes on the floor from the force of his “itch,” going all out as he wallows in his overwhelming feelings.

AfO tells Tenko that ethics were invented in order to suppress people and that Tenko’s emotions are more important than anything else. Tenko responds by reiterating what AfO told him: he wants to destroy those thugs, and he can’t control this urge to destroy. He goes as far as to disintegrate one of Kotaro’s hands, even though not too long ago he clung onto it.

But, later, he wears his family’s hands for the first time.

Wearing them clearly affects Tenko adversely—he’s struggling to breathe properly, and he’s entirely slumped over. But these hands, and these feelings, are the only things he has left, the only things he knows, and he won’t leave them behind.

He encounters the same duo of thugs and kills them.

His wound again. Formless, but with a sense of shifting and movement. Undiminished, even if the itch is alleviated. Or, maybe this panel is supposed to indicate a deterioration, like the wound gets even worse after the murders?

Observing the event, Ujiko remarks that he’d thought Tenko had lost his memories. I think he’s commenting on how Tenko is wearing the hands despite not remembering who they’re from?

AfO comments…

Tenko restrains quirk subconsciously, limiting its disintegration to just what he’s directly touching, which makes it seem like he’s afraid of his quirk and feels guilt/self-loathing for it. He’s aware that his quirk is connected to the things he feels, maybe even blames his quirk in some way for making him feel this way.

It’s ironic that Tenko feels free while he’s being throttled and restrained by the hands of his relatives.

lol AfO gives away the game a bit, here. He tells Tenko to do whatever he wants and not hold back, and then praises Tenko for “holding back” his tears. He just wants Tenko to have no way to vent his feelings except violence. Also, the fact that Tenko is “holding back” his quirk…hmm.

Again, too much here to unpack rn, so, moving on.

AfO gives Tenko the hands of the thugs he killed, plus one hand of unknown origin to replace the hand of Kotaro’s that Tenko destroyed. Shigaraki describes the gift as soothing to his battered body, and he felt reborn. AfO gives him the name Shigaraki Tomura ad implicitly positions himself as Shigaraki’s dad by telling Shigaraki that “Shigaraki” is his surname.

What did Shigaraki learn from this?

Morals are illusionary, merely a tool used to suppress people without power in order to make things easier for people who do have power.

His “itch” means bloodlust, and he can’t control it.

He should just do what he wants (except crying, apparently), or else he’ll just suffer indefinitely.

Rejection of a society he had no hand in making and no place to belong in.

Other notes:

Even without remembering his aggression towards Kotaro, it’s Kotaro’s hand he shows the biggest fixation on.

Shigaraki has three “ailments”: the itch (the agitation he feels from bad things), the wound (the “rage” and “frustration” he feels from bystander apathy), and the nausea he feels when he wears the hands (self-loathing?).

Or maybe the nausea is part of the wound?

More on the wound?

I wonder when Horikoshi decided on how to visualize Shigaraki’s pain, and if he uses it as a pattern in bnha.

I’ve noticed a few panels that remind me of Shigaraki’s wound, especially that amorphous panel after he kills those thugs, but it’s hard to tell if the backgrounds are just atmospheric or if there is actually an attempt to connect these moments thematically.

Here are a few that I noticed.

I’m going to keep an eye out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: here’s another one. This is the most definite example so far: it occurs in ch250, post-Shigaraki’s flashbacks, and the distinct circle doesn’t produce an atmosphere the way the previous ^^ panels do.

^^ it’s worth mentioning that this appears during Fuyumi’s narration, detailing how Natsuo is the only one in the family who can’t move forward, ie, he’s experiencing social pressure to conform and validate Endeavor similar to how Tenko felt pressure to conform to Kotaro’s authority.

And then this next one, I’m pretty unsure about, but I’ll include it in case:

#bnha #bnha meta #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki development #this is mostly me like…summarizing what happened with a bit of active analysis #sorry that the tone is so weird #I wrote this as ref material for myself bc I was sick of jumping between chapters trying to put things in chronological order #and I needed to organize my thoughts on stuff #though I got tired by the end #maybe I'll update it when I feel re-inspired #but anyways here it is if anybody else wants it #bnha manga spoilers #mla arc #no.13

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anonil88 · 4 years ago

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We Are Who We Are Ep 1 thoughts.

Heads up I've started writing these halfway into an episode so I'm immersed pretty into it and can make a well rounded reaction.

Interesting set up and premise. But I wonder how well this will be executed.

Very open free spirit household.

Those kids are pieces of shit for inviting him and then bullying him. He is a little weird but a sweetheart.

Also HE LIKES FASHION of course he does.

He's a bit of an alcoholic it seems or just likes alcohol which can teeter the line. Oh no he had to leave his lil boyfriend 😭.

Aw his other mom picked him up.

Ooo throw up shot nice smh.

This mustn't be the first time he's been drunk or gotten in trouble.

Sigh theres always a parent who saves the day no matter straight or gay.

Ahh military parents getting caught in their ego and ignoring their partners and kids.

Oooo "Americans can only be happy in America"...."This is America." Gotta love that US based are tiny bits of America but lineal spaces.

Wait is Fraser autistic? Or does he have any mental disorders? Maybe I'm only saying that because my family would have drop kicked me if I'd slapped my mom unless (when I was younger with less coping skills) was having an outburst of sorts.

Whattt dead? Whatttt? Oh he's still drunk.

Thank goodness he still had some clothes packrf like I would have had a full panic attack if my luggage was lost oversees with my designer clothes. (I'm assuming designer because his granddad has schmoney but he also gives me cates about his looks.)

Thats a nice jacket though, I think Commes Des Garcons is the brand or at least this is an inspired piece.

Oh okay Fraser I see you have some lil crushes forming. That soldier foine tho he's probably like 18. So eee idk bout that cause he's underage. (Edit: Fraser is 17 so if the soldier is 18 its not illegal but i'd rather Fraser not get community ass or dick. No more cmbyn Luca.)

The music selection is pretty great like Klaus Nomi ??

CUDI !!! Wait Cudi is their, Caitlin's dad :0

The military regulations are pretty clean. Her voice and commands could be a bit cleaner though. But maybe that's on purpose because shes gotta be nervous af now commanding a base.

Fuck you Colonel.

This base is pretty nice btw.

Oop okay subtle flirtatious behavior and noone can kick you out of the US military for being queer now...kind of. Oh he's just a giant flirt also again can we not do the minor and grown ass adult thing.

Loving Maggie and Fraser's relationship. But I feel like Sarah and Fraser's relationship is going to be whirlwind.

Oh thank the lord his clothes have come omg all designer/custom piece .

Just let them be them jeez everyone has to find themselves regardless of if you like or agree with it or not. Ahh Caitlin/Harper is living a double life hmm exploring their identity.

Lmfao Fraser said you're like me so lets talk, but I won't out you.

So overall thoughts the editing is a bit choppy like all over the place. Which is kind of disorienting and I don't know if a lot of people are going to enjoy that. Editing can really break shows even good ones. But characters wise I'll say Cait/Harper is a mystery and it took me a second but I got that they were staring at Fraser because Fraser seems very obviously nyc and probably more understanding. But they have no idea how to approach Fraser so they were just staring and tbh queer folk yes thats what we look like its sometimes obvious that we all stare at eachother with a certain wonder, confusion, and excitement even past the baby gay stage.

I feel like Fraser is a person who goes through the world in a daze like floating from one space to another. It makes him scatter brained and different, his interests vary but this is about him learning. I like him though just don't know much about him yet. Of course if I had to relate him to any character from another popular adult show that centers teens he's a more chaotic windmill version of Jules from Euphoria. Speaking of which I think this show might have a hard time carving out its own identity because of their shared platform. This premiere was like world building and very very vague so we only have touches on each character.

I will keep watching because I would like to see where this story is going to go. Also to see the acting chops of these new young actors. I am hoping that the next episode gives us the viewers more to hold onto rather than dental floss attached to ceiling post by nails. But, I just hope we get more clarity rather than just vague things we need to piece together in the future. Which btw works super well for movies but not always TV. So adapting that style to TV is gonna be interesting.

[Also funny how most actors first big role their characters name sounds like their name lol.]

Preview: so everyone just doing everyone but, this seems like it is going to be very sad and dark which is fine with me.

Sorry this is so long.

#we are who we are #we are who we are hbo #wawwa hbo #wawwa #jack dylan grazer #luca guadagnino #francesca manieri #wawwa liveblog

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dreaminpeaches · 3 years ago

Note

How does Beau realize that he loves Bonnie, Idk if you already talked about this, I just love hearing about people realizing they're catching feels..

surprisingly I haven't talked about this, but here I go:

Since Beau is Demi he doesn't feel any romantic feels towards Bonnie when they first meet, at the time she's just the annoying weird girl whose the only person he can talk to without having a panic attack, Beau, himself doesn't know why Bonnie has that effect on him he just sums it up to her being new to town

Anyways they spend more time together mostly working on Bonnie's banged up whip, sometimes its just Bonnie busting in to show him some weird manga, or weird Japanese candy/snack or whatever--basically to Bonnie, Beau is her "normie" friend that she exposes a bunch of the weirdest parts of her interest to(if you pickin' up what I'm putting down )

They go on a bunch of weird misadventures together, The time Beau spends with Bonnie is kind of like a buffer in between the time he spends trying to make amends from his past victims, which is a nice need break for the heavy thoughts...

In fact, Beau usually cuts the conversation short with Bonnie whenever she asks about his school life and high school experiences, he really enjoys the light, goofy moments he has with Bonnie (even though he wouldn't admit it) and doesn't want his poisonous past to taint that..

Beau catching feels for Bonnie starts slow, at first he starts to just enjoy looking at her (even and especially when she does dumb stuff), starts to actually laugh at her dumb corny jokes, and things start to feel more boring when she's not around than peaceful

(TW: Emotional, Mental abuse, Overworking self to exhaustion)

One of the big moments is when Bonnie has to go to a debutante ball kind of event, it was an event that Bonnie was always forced to go to when she was a kid and she had to perform a dance, each and every year Bonnie would work REALLY hard to prefect her performance, but every year her mother would scold her after the performance and say that she wasn't good enough.

Bonnie thought she was free of having to go to the ball because she had moved out and away from her mom, but that turned out not to be true, Bonnie goes to the ball to prove once and for all that she's not a failure so that her mom could be proud of her or at least leave her alone.

During this time Beau doesn't see much of Bonnie at the gas station since she's too busy trying to perfect her dance, he still checks on her and often finds Bonnie overworking herself, even to exhaustion at one point but Bonnie reassures Beau that this will all be worth it once she's able to show her mother what for!

Bonnie (of course) invites Beau along for moral and emotional support, Beau accepts because he couldn't let Bonnie go alone, with a good conscience.

There is the iconic moment in all romcoms and anime, where Beau sees Bonnie all dressed up and it makes him feel some type of way, but Bonnie's way too nervous about her performance to notice

The night of the ball arrives and Bonnie's mom sends for a limo to get her daughter because Bonnie showing up in a banged-up car would be humiliating.

Bonnie's mother is surprised that Bonnie showed up with another normal-looking person, let alone a man. Bonnie's mom assumes Bonnie and Beau are dating, but they both quickly shot that down, and then Bonnie's mom is like "Oh, shockingly I'm not surprised, you were always more infatuated with those fictional boys from those nonsense cartoons you watched, I guess some things never change"

Anyways, the night goes on Beau feels weird being surrounded by a bunch of fancy people wearing fancy clothes, and eating tiny fancy weird food and Bonnie feels weird because of her past memories floating in, and nervous stage fright/butterflies from just thinking about her performance, but they're both still there for each other, so they're somewhat grounded

The time of the performance comes and Bonnie steals herself away to get ready and Beau gives Bonnie some advice, whenever Beau got nervous before a big game, he would just look out at the crowd for his mom and just focus and pretend like she was the only one there because of win or lose he knew she would still love him anyway.

Bonnie was kind of like "uh...i like your cut, g, but , uh can't relate"

"Fine, fine, whatever just look at me"

"D-does that mean you--"

"JUST LOOK AT ME, OKAY?"

Bonnie is silent for a sec then nods firmly "Okay!"

Bonnie disappears into the crowd and returns to the center of the ballroom atop some fancy-looking stairs, in a ballet outfit she made all by herself that's clearly inspired by magical girl anime, the music starts and Bonnie puts on a banger of performance, all her moves are on point, every move is meaningful and graceful, all eyes on her. Bonnie steals a few glances to look at Beau for strength and support and he can't keep his eyes off of her, this is the most focused Beau has ever seen Bonnie on something that isn't connected to anime or mascots in any way.

Bonnie finishes her performance to the roaring of applause and roses, which kind of startles Bonnie for a sec because in her mind she literally only saw Beau and the rest of the crowd just loaded in out of nowhere, but she felt proud. Bonnie gets up and rushes towards Beau, he gets an urge to lean down towards Bonnie for like a kiss but receives a hug instead, which makes him feel kind of like what? but he's still happy Bonnie's happy...

Bonnie looks for her mom to see if she saw the performance, Bonnie finds her mom in a room that kind of overlooks the ballroom area, Bonnie's mom is alone, despite Bonnie's seemingly perfect performance her mom isn't happy, she's ashamed that her daughter would perform in such a gaudy outfit particularly treating the ball like one of Bonnie's little animation costume contest she's always going on about, Bonnie's mom claims that the audience was to distract by her ridiculous outfit to even notice her equally awful performance.

Bonnie is shocked and runs away in tears, Beau starts to follow her but Bonnie's mom says "Don't bother, she does this every year, she's just being overdramatic"

Beau turns to Bonnie's mom and tells her off; talks about even though Bonnie's kind of weird, she's very passionate about the things she really cares about, how she goes out of her way to make people happy, basically, he gushes about Bonnie without actually being gushy and tells her mom to f#%$ off.

Beau looks for Bonnie and finds her on the steps outside of the ball...

Bonnie: "Don't think I can ever show my face around here again"

Beau: "So, don't.." Beau takes out a cigarette and smokes it "Out of all the house parties I've ever been to this one's the shittest so far"

Bonnie: "What about the limo, how are we gonna get home?"

Beau:"Fuck the limo, we can just take the bus. That limo made me feel cramped anyways"

Bonnie: "I dont think I can walk all the way to the bus stop"

Beau: "UGH, fuck fine!" *Beau stomps out the cigarette and lowers his body down "If you wanted to get on my back just say so next time"

Bonnie: "O-oh, r-right.."

Beau carries Bonnie all the way to the bus stop, the bus picks them up and they both fall asleep for part of the trip, Beau wakes back up before they reach their stop and carries Bonnie the rest of the way home.

To Beau the whole thing would have been a dream had he not woken right next to Bonnie in her bed the next morning still in the same clothes, they wore to the ball.

Beau leaves Bonnie's place before she wakes up and heads home since he forgot to call his mom that he would be crashing at Bonnie's

For the rest of the week, Beau feels weird around Bonnie, Bonnie thanks Beau for his chivalry but other than a few minor references to that night neither of them barely speak about it.

Beau goes to his mom for advice about his feeling since she always seems to know what to say and how Beau's feeling even when he doesn't mention it, Beau explains what happened that night and how upset it made him feel that someone could treat Bonnie so bad like that.

Beau's mom explains that he might be falling for Bonnie, at first Beau is kind of shocked and has a hard time coming to terms with the fact (its literally like that one song in Hercules), but the more time he spends around Bonnie after he's feelings for her grow stronger and he's like "yeah, maybe mom was right"

Oof, yeah at least that's what I could think up on the fly, hope you're satisfied with this fast food of an answer

#I wouldn't say im in love #paracsom #immersive dayadreaming #paraportal #paracosm: humble pie #para ship: beaunnie #peach replies #peach's ask box #i just realized beau's basically the male version of meg from Hercules #*adds to Beau's playlist #i wrote this at 2am #forgive my ramblings #forgive my misspellings #tsundere Beau really jumped out in this post huh

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blxckdamask · 5 years ago

Text

Trashcan’s Fic Rec: July ‘19

i know this is really late but i was busy so i couldnt really get this done. an yway,,, yall know the drill by now,, this has a bunch of bnha (mostly bkdk) and some rairpairs aswell as some drarry, odaat and b99.

BNHA Fics:

{bakudeku}

When Izuku's insecurities about his scarred body hit him full throttle, Katsuki is there to show Izuku just how beautiful scars can be.

Katsuki's reflection above the sink stared back. Eyes still drowsy with a hint of a shadow beneath them. Hair more of a mess than he would prefer, but he was plenty awake now.

All because of Deku.

Katsuki reflects at 4 am.

Pride has always had a special place in Midoriya Izuku's heart.

"I trusted you and you had me murdered!” Midoriya wailed, anguished. Bakugou twitched focusing on the spell that made him capture Midoriya's soul.

“Shut up! You got yourself killed!”

“I didn't! You said you had my back and I thought you had it! But you didn't! Kacchan! My body!” Midoriya cried as he watched Bakugou lug his limp body through the forest.

This is what happens when Bakugou tries to become best friends with Midoriya again.

Katsuki doesn't know what's wrong with Izuku. Is he mad? What is he mad about? What did Katsuki do!? All he knows is that he can't let Izuku break up with him. Not while they're still keeping their relationship a secret.

Izuku forces Katsuki to apologize for everything he's ever done to hurt him.

Bakugou and Midoriya have been best friends since... well, since either of them could remember. But both harbor unspoken feelings for the other, will this be an end to their friendship?

Izuku, a dog hybrid, has lived with his owner Toshinori, a retired hybrid psychologist, his whole life. He takes on some of the shelter’s most difficult cases as fosters, and so Izuku has learned to be the best foster-mate possible for scared and abused hybrids. At first, Katsuki, a cat hybrid who’s been kept in a tiny apartment nearly his whole life, seems just like any of the other awful cases they’ve seen, but somehow, Izuku and him grow a lot closer than usual over the course of his stay. Eventually, the question becomes: could he stay forever?

“Izuku knows what the Hanahaki does. He knows what his options are, and sure, they aren’t great. In fact, they’re pretty horrible. The list is short and daunting. There are still flower petals on his pillow."

In which Izuku has Hanahaki Disease, and Katsuki's furious.

And you're crushing on him, and he's just so cute, and the baby's cute, and what's a guy to do, anyway?

Ever since they were little, Izuku and Katsuki’s families have had family dinners. It’s just them and their parents, and that’s fine. Until more people get dragged in. (And try to set Izuku and Katsuki up.)

for twinstars week day four - family

{todobaku}

It started from a normal evening to a small argument that made them go on vacation that made Katsuki realize that he wanted something more from Shouto.

Bakugou, Denki, Midoriya, Momo and Todoroki all end up in a McDonald's one early morning. A suggestion of a movie and a credit card reveal later and the teens are off to spend the day together.

They all know that it's Todoroki's father's credit card, but none of them care.

Bakugo and Todoroki both find themselves living together with disabilities, helping each other get by. In doing so, they fall in love.

{rairpairs & other ships}

“You haven’t changed at all, have ya?” he observed, pinching her cheek affectionately.

Ochako batted his hand away from her cheeks for the second time that morning, wondering if he had a thing for them. “That doesn’t even make any sense, Bakugou. I’m from the past. Of course I haven’t changed.”

“Makes perfect sense,” Bakugou countered, closing his teeth around a bite of eggs. “You were doing this same shit yesterday morning.”

My entry for the day 2 prompt of Kacchako week: otherworldly.

Bakugou watches with something akin to affection when Shinsou starts playing with his dog until she jumps all around him and is barking excitedly. He has never seen the both of them so content before. The Sergeant is always so concentrated at College grounds, either that or she’s calm but still looking out for him. Bakugou has seen them during lectures, at lunch at their usual table, during their ways to Bakugou’s dorm and to Shinsou’s apartment off campus, he has seen them through their late-night-skyping sessions and in countless pictures on Sergeant Barkowitz’ Instagram. He has seen their best but not their worst, and that makes Bakugou wonder if he’ll ever be such a great companion to Shinsou like the Sergeant is.

"Shouta could have never imagined reaching this point in his life. He honestly expected to die at some point when he was younger, alone somewhere in an alleyway, killed in action during his hero work maybe."

Instead he's in a warm hospital bed and surrounded by some of the people he cares most about.

Shinsou Hitoshi had never had a family before, and he refuses to screw it up. But when a villain attacks him and his new little sister, he may have lost the only family he's ever had.

Bakugou never wanted to be mated. Especially not to a villain but it didn't look like he had any choice in the matter. The only question now was: will he ever escape?

OR,

The author loves Bakugou and loves to make him suffer so Dabi kidnaps him and forces our favourite blasty boy to become his mate. It goes from bad to good to bad and back to good.

While working together as pro heroes, Iida, Bakugou and Todoroki are taken captive. The situation is strange: none of their Quirks work, and they aren’t tortured or killed – in fact, they never see their captors. There is nothing to do but wait.

Things are tense between the three of them, but Iida finds the situation bringing him closer to Bakugou than he thought possible. But who knows how this will change things between when they get out…

Quirk: Infatuation - The user of this quirk affects two people by touching them at the same time, they then fall into a state of infatuation with each other; they could be affected by this for up to a week.

Iida and Bakugou get affected by an infatuation quirk that makes them be sweet to each other. So sweet, that it could give you cavities. Warning: This story will contain an excessive amount of pet names, hence the title.

Other Fandoms Fics:

Recently married, Harry and Draco are tasked with raising a four-year old Teddy, whose emerging gender identity brings up an array of questions, fears, and revelations for them when they realise that Teddy might be transgender.

When Draco learns he's pregnant again, he blames his husband. Harry, however, couldn't be happier.

Jake dated two guys in college, but doesn't realise until he introduces one of them to Amy.

The family learns a secret about Schneider

alex said the far scarier sentence that at the same time was more comforting than anything the teenager had ever heard before. “she,” alex mumbled under his- no, her- breath, voice beginning to choke up, “was sitting on her bed, in her room. her,” he- she, she- sighed and spoke just a little louder, just a little surer. “her name is alex, and she’s a girl.” alex smiled to herself, so small it was probably barely considered one. she didn’t care; she finally felt whole.

or: in another world, elena isn't the only alvarez daughter (but it takes alex some time to figure that out)

#monthly fic rec #fic rec #bnha #bkdk #tdbk #kacchako #bakushin #bakuiida #bakudabi #erasermic #Harry Potter #drarry #odaat #b99 #peraltiago

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charlexile · 6 years ago

Text

yaay i wrote something

hey so yeah, I found this prompt in my phone that was supposed to be cute and fluff and all that crap, but my edgy ass had to turn it into angst about my ocs huh

WARNINGS : Mention of anxiety, depression, panic attack, nightmares (idk if it could be considered as a trigger warning since this part isn’t written in details, but just in case-)

Words count : ~1,300

Edit : Since I’m a dumb bitch I forgot to tell you what the prompt was, so : “It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

The text is under the cut !! enjoy~

Alex should have been used to his nightmares by now. He should have known what to do, what to think, what to say when he woke up, panicking and practically sobbing as the last images of his dream continuously played before his eyes, like a violent flash ; he should have known he was safe, he should have known he wasn't alone, he should have known how to be better-

And yet, the presence of his lovers to his sides wasn't enough for him. His eyes, wet and sore -did he cry in his sleep ?-, could barely recognize his own room in the dark. The setting was blurry, the walls were disappearing and reappearing, moving into a spiral around him, nothing made sense, he didn't make any sense, and his breathing turned into quick, loud pants, just breathe just breathe just breathe, shit how do I do this, this isn't right, it shouldn't be that hard, breathe in for four seconds, wait is it really four seconds though isn’t it five or six, oh shit no I can't cry now not now not now not now they don’t deserve to deal with this what will they think-

"Alex ?"

Alex quietly gasped when a hand gently rubbed his shoulder and quickly withdrew to avoid the contact, for fuck's sake what's wrong with me they’re just trying to be nice-

"Sorry, I should have asked first. I'm gonna turn the light on, okay ?"

Alex noticed that this voice was different from the first that called his name earlier. He couldn't tell who spoke between Elvis or Eddy, he couldn't exactly tell where they were nor remember before he went to bed, but the sound of their voices comforted him a bit. He stayed still, laying into the bed between his partners as one of them turned the light on. The orange glow was soothing for some reason- well, at least it was better than darkness.

"Babe," someone called, sitting in the bed to his left, "what's going on ?"

Alex didn't give any answer. Even though he managed to calm down a bit, his breath was still loud and erratic, his heart racing in his ribcage. He could feel every little movement in him, in his bed, around him, it was too much, too much, too much-

"Alex, try to sit down, then we'll go through your breathing exercise. Okay ? Can you do that for me ?"

Eddy. It was his sweet, wonderful Eddy to his right ; he recognized her voice now.

Nodding but still shivering, Alex stood up in a sitting position and leaned against the several pillows Elvis gathered behind him. Well, he was gone now, for some reason. Maybe he’s just tired of me-

"Okay, we're all good. Now, remember ; breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven more, then breathe out for eight seconds. You remember ?" Alex silently nodded again. "Alright. I'll do it with you, let's go."

So they did, breathing in, breathing out, slowly, and did it again. Breathing in, breathing out.

Alex felt his heart slowing down a bit. Breathing in, breathing out.

The horrible images of his nightmare became messier and messier, turning into some sort of unsettling yet blurred memories that started to fade into the back of his mind. Hopefully it will stay here with the others. Breathing in, breathing out.

Alex opened his eyes- when did he close them ?- when Elvis came back in the room, a glass of water in his hand. He sat back to his side. Breathing in, breathing out.

"You're doing so good, Alex. Do you need to keep going ?"

The young man quickly analyzed his state. Of course he didn't feel as good as he should have, but at least he wasn't on the verge of a panic attack anymore. His heart was beating at a regular pace, finally, he could have coherent thoughts and make distinction between who was who, what was what, what was real and what wasn't. His body, slightly shaking, was a minor incovenience now.

As an answer, his hand hesitantly felt around for something, anything to find and squeeze thightly.

"Wanna hold my hand ?" Eddy proposed.

"Please."

Eddy hummed and gently put her hand over Alex's who sighed in response, lacing his fingers with hers.

"Come on, drink a bit." Elvis whispered to him, handing him the glass of water he was holding and brought it to his lips, despite his trembling hands. Somehow, he managed to finish the whole glass, then gently put it on the nightstand.

"Thank you, thank you," Alex breathed heavily as he slowly layed back, "I'm so sorry I bothered you with my bullshit again."

"No, don't say that," Eddy ordered him, her voice still soft but leaving no room for arguing, "nothing's too good for you."

"Yeah, it's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway. Might as well give you company when you need it." Elvis added, leaning back onto the mattress and coming closer to his partner, leaving him enough space if he needed some.

"Still, I... I don't know. I-It's not the first time I have a p-panic attack in the middle of the night, and you guys... you guys are always here for me. Maybe you're getting tired of me. I-I don't know. Everything's confused right now."

"It's fine, babe. May I ?" Elvis asked, brushing his fingertips against Alex's jaw who allowed the contact. He surprisingly found himself leaning in the hand rubbing his cheek, sighing with satisfaction. "We'll never be tired of you."

Alex bitterly scoffed. "Yeah, you say that now, but I doubt you’ll say the same things about me in a couple of years."

"I will say the same things about you for years, for decades, even until we both die, because those words are true. I mean them, and I'll always mean them."

Before Alex could answer, Eddy snuggled to his other side and kissed his cheek. "We love you, Alex. I know your brain is telling you some stupid shit and makes you think we'll soon get rid of you, but this is never going to happen, ever."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. I know I love you more than anything, I know I want to spend my entire life by your side- and Elvis' too-, I know I'll take care of you whenever you'll seek help. I'm here. We're here for you. Okay ?"

Alex didn't trust his own voice at the moment, so he lazily nodded and let his girlfriend leave another peck on his face, as Elvis pressed his own lips to his temple.

"We can stay awake a bit longer if you need to talk about your nightmare." Alex shook his head. "No ? You don't want to ? You prefer to go to sleep ?" Another nod. "Alright. Honey, please ?

"Got it." Elvis yawned as he turned off the lights before slipping back under the warm blanket.

Soon enough, Alex could hear the soft snoring coming from both of his lovers, the light sound of their breathings, the noises of the cars and the wind blowing outside. He could feel Elvis curling into a ball against his side as he rubbed a hand on his back, the other still holding Eddy's ; her legs were tangled with his, her messy, thick hair tickling his chin. He could see, despite the darkness, the moonlight piercing through the curtains, the walls covered in pictures, posters, drawings, post-its, shelves, mirrors.

Happiness. Comfort. Memories.

Everything around him felt familiar again, and he allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment.

#oc #ocs #original character #text #fiction #writing #alex #eddy #elvis

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survivenovascotia · 5 years ago

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Episode 3 - AHHHHH -Heather

I hate Tiktok dances. Im not in shape enough for this but like 150 pts is 150 pts

So I come back from Oak Island and Kevin has been voted out. Excuse me but what? Kevin of all people. The dude was great in challenges and a loyal person. But apparently Sunshine and John said he’d be too controlling at a swap and possibly had an idol? What kind of lame ass excuse is that at the second tribal council? Darcy, Mac and Kyle were all in favour of keeping Kevin over Jessie. Which means that Sunshine, John and Dan have some kind of alliance going on there. I don’t imagine Jessie is really aligned with them and probably only worked with them to keep herself safe. I don’t blame her at all. However, we’re probably going to lose this next challenge (partly because of me throwing it oops) which isn’t the worst thing in the world. If Darcy, Mac, Kyle and myself all stick together, and none of us go to Oak Island (Kyle and myself can’t), the four of us would have the majority to vote out any of the other three who don’t go to Oak Island. And as of right now, I think John and Sunshine still feel like I’m on their side. So I’m a little bit in the middle right now. I’ve got my fingers crossed everyone else on the tribe can pull together a win but a whole ass person not submitting for this is definitely a huge disadvantage for us.

In my opinion, one of the most important things to be aware of while playing survivor is your threat level. You can't exactly be too big of a threat or else you'll get voted out, and you also can't be too little of a threat or else you'll just get taken to the end, or be seen as an easy vote. This is why the meat shield strategy is one of the best ways to play survivor; be a threat, but never the biggest threat. However, I'm not playing the meat shield strategy right now, because quite frankly I don't feel like I need to. I'm so under everyone's radar, that I don't see myself going home anytime soon. Also, since this is my first time playing, it's hard to get a read on who really is a meat shield and who isn't. However, I'll be sure to make big moves; just not too many to get targeted over anyone else.

IDK WHO IS SITTING OUT BUT SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SITTING OUT AND I THOUGHT WAS SITTING OUT IS IN. IDK IF THERE IS TIME BUT I AM THE BIG ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE NOW.

AHHHHH

Kevin going home was upsetting for me. Sunshine, Jessie, Dan and John are dead to me. I need to convince Keegan to join myself, Darcy and Kyle if any of us are gonna get anywhere in this game. I didn’t search for the idol yesterday because I was feeling sick and was upset with Kev leaving. I just don’t wanna go back to tribal. Otherwise I’ll be saying a few words at tribal.

I am very nervous for this challenge. Evan hasn't done anything so far , but if we lose, we need him as a number so we are stuck in a sticky situation. Livingston a while ago thought you only had to do a select few and I am worried because I don't want to lose a challenge I worked so hard for just because people won't try. I hate having a for the tribe mentality because like I don't want to seem like a challenge threat but its more we have to work together and get as many points as humanly possible.

ok so this tribe turned into a literal mess. So i said i wanted to sit out of the challenge because i didn't have a lot of the items, and then i got ignored by like two members of the tribe which meant I was doing the challenge and evan and coco were sitting out. Honestly, I'm livid that I was ignored by people because that I take personally. I could care less about the challenge, even though I know i'd get like 6 points because i have papers and stuff to do. Luckily, we figured things out and evan is doing the challenge. If we win, awesome, but if we lose, I definitely have a couple people on my list. Luckily though, I'm in a 5 person alliance with Heather, Austin, Evan and Coco. That makes me feel safe at this specific time in the game, but I can't help but wonder who we will all vote for if we go to tribal tomorrow.

The dynamics right now are absolutely hilarious let’s breakdown: Heather: is currently having a panic attack bc this challenge is a mess & literally no one knows what they’re doing Eric: says ‘I’m not doing this’ then dips for like 20 hours. Evan & Coco are confirmed as sit outs, Eric gets mad at the hosts for some reason, & then forces himself to sit out. Evan: was confirmed as a sit out, dips for 20 hours because he thinks he’s not doing anything, comes back like ‘wait what’ & is hella salty Livingston: didn’t know that each person had to individually post everything Glo: is a angel her videos are killing me she is the comedic relief during these dark times. She also suggests we have one person go TWICE & have 3 sit outs LMAO Me: fucking cackling anytime anyone speaks in a passive aggressive tone We were supposed to be the tribe that loves each other now look what happened

It honestly feels horrible not submitting a damn thing for a challenge because I am certain we’re going to lose because of it. But I don’t want to try my best in the challenge and have us still lose and then lose my vote at tribal. It’s just not worth it. On the plus side, even if we do lose the challenge Darcy, Kyle and Mac are all pretty down to blindside Sunshine for being snakey. So unless they change their mind right away and decide to axe me I should be in a good position.

My legs are sore and I made TIKTOKS to win by over 1000. Im..... I was gonna set a plan to get Livingston out but I mean I guess

We lost the challenge, surprise surprise. By a heck of a lot so I’m hella glad I accept the Oak Island challenge and didn’t submit for the challenge. It wouldn’t have even mattered. So we lose the challenge and shout our ho hums in tribe chat before it dies and everyone disperses to their quiet hidey holes to scheme against each other. And lo and behold Dan has immediately thrown my name out for not submitting in the challenge. Because I alone was the reason we lost. Whatever. Darcy is going under cover with Sunshine and Dan right now, Kyle is trying to act like a free agent and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering why the minority of Sunshine, Dan and John aren’t approaching the one person who wasn’t at all involved in the Kevin tribal. They honestly aren’t that smart if they’re straight up ignoring the one impartial person. Whatever. I wouldn’t actually vote with them since they voted out Kevin who was fantastic and useful. (#RevengeForKevin). Also, since I completed my Oak Island challenge I now have an extra vote I can use up until the final 5! I shouldn’t have to use it this tribal, thankfully. It will probably come in handy during a swap!

Is this what its like to be on a successful tribe? So unused to this. This gives me time to think and bond more. I’m thinking my first instinct to be threatened by glo and aim for her was wrong, it might make more sense to get her onside and use her both as a shield but also as a scapegoat for targetting others? We’ll see. Still good with Heather and Austin as a core three, and Livingston and Chips would be a good pair to link with if needed. Hopefully if swap comes I’m with some of them.

I’m crying at the fact we killed at. Like all of us were actually scared of losing & arguing & causing chaos & it was all for nothing & it’s AMAZING Also glo is scaring me she’s getting clingy she’s like “you wouldn’t miss me if we swapped” and I’m like what she’s like “tehe I was JOKING silly 😜” and like. I’m sorry what. Maybe I’m overreacting but that type of language makes me v uncomfy. Ion know that really off put me I’m gonna take a break from socializing. I’m pretty sensitive to behavior like that so I feel like it’s healthy to distance

Birch and Tawni really sat there being like, yall won stop trying. I thought we were up for competition. Oh Well. I had fun!! We love scavenger hunts

Me, Kyle, Keegan and Darcy are a good 4. With Jessie going to Oak Island that leaves Sunshine, Dan and John vulnerable. Keegan shared to me that he won an Extra Vote at Oak Island, which he hasn’t shared with Kyle and (maybe) not Darcy. I’m worried because I feel like I’m the 4th and not the 1st. Kyle admitted Kevin was his closest ally. My idol hunt is going alright. Definitely progress made.

youtube

To Kyle, if you’re ever reading these one day. I take back everything I said. You are awesome.

Fuck losing every challenge so far that’s all I have to say

I’m not sure if I’m feeling sick because I’m just sick or it’s the stress from this vote. I don’t want to be out this early. I can’t be out this early. If Kyle, Darcy and Mac can be trusted then I’m definitely safe and John is going home. I think I can trust them. I hope I can trust them. Why are we playing so damn hard so early in this game? Everyone needs to chill out or we’ll end up like Matsing.

Going to tribal I feel safe but nervous about what will happen in the aftermath. My group of 4 are pretty chill and not budging. Bye John.

No Swap, Thank God!! I think im fairly decent at this type of challenge. I won an individual immunity in this challenge once but idk how ill do with a tribe.

Oh my god my alliance is now in control! Yeah boi. Sunshine being HELLA QUIET after John’s boot was spooky but, I mean, he can’t complain since he did the exact same thing last vote. My problem now is not being the 4th member of the alliance. I’m scared that people will see me as riding coattails. I mean controlling the idol hunt is a cute look.

Our tribe was on a roll and had won 2 challenges in a row. I was starting to get busy taking care of my crush, and because of this, I had to sit out. However, apparently two people stated they were sitting out before I did. But the thing is, I never knew that. So I decided to disconnect from skype for the day to be with the one I love. However, I turn on skype the next day, and I'm bombarded with messages telling me to do the challenge. This really overwhelmed me, but then I realized it was an opportunity.

Glo realized how much of a sticky situation I was in, and she came to my help, and told me she would be with me until I finish it if she needs to. Ultimately I wouldn't have been able to finish the challenge if she hadn't helped me. She also played it up as if I stepped up for the team last second and made an impact. I still can't tell if she did this from the goodness of her heart, or if she did it for strategic reasons. But, I do think it was moreso strategic, because she did mention that after she helped me as much as she did, that we would have to be aligned. So because of that, her actions don't really mean as much to me as it should, and I will take out Glo if it's necessary and beneficial for my game.

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survivor-iceland · 5 years ago

Text

Ep. 11 - “Just because I am loud does not mean I am good at this game.” - Raffy

Raffy

I cannot believe that plan worked out. We got out Stephen, weakening Maynor's hold on this game which means that if he doesn't win this next immunity challenge then he's screwed. However, this next one is a doozy and I don't know if I can win this, but I am going to try my best. I just hope people credit me with this move since I managed to make the right social connections to do it. Timmy is big mad, but I think that is more towards Joseph than anything else. Either way, I am proud of myself for doing THAT. Nothing in my Survivor career will ever top this moment.

Jack

So the plan worked, Stephen got voted out (love you man) and thank fuckkkk because I got 3 votes. Joseph went for Timmy and that made Timmy mad at Joseph and I'm like *very innocently whistling* This challenge now o boyyyyy, hopefully maybe i can win maybe? Also i really like Timmy and Dylan but also Timmy is gonna kill me and i know it. He was so mad in the moment mannnn.

Timmy

I am absolutely, positively livid. I’m thankful that it wasn’t me, but my god there are a lot of fake bitches here. Number 1 on that list is Raffy who was preaching about how they’re alone and there is no need to lie to them but then goes lying on all day. BITCH I WAS HONEST WITH YOU! I THOUGHT WE GOT THROUGH THAT SHIT! I guess fucking not though. I wanted an easy vote after the mess that was the last two but nope. And I get the irony here, trust me it’s not lost. I did it to them and this is karma and she’s really that bitch. But really, I’m just glad I still have my idol because I was real close to panic playing it. Number 2 is Joseph because he had the audacity to vote for me because the people who have been TARGETING HIM say that they have the numbers. And guess what, THEY LIED TO HIM. Literally a dumbass who will never win because they don’t understand any concepts of the game. Dylan is a huge threat right now because they are making moves and not staying true to alliances but being calculated about it. Dylan is riding the middle which right now seems like a good spot. I feel like it will put them in the target position that I had been in though, which could work for me. But I will not let Raffy skate by because he has people in jury who will vote for him. And raffy needs to go fast if there is another returning player just because it might be Zoe or John.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/KkInofcSWYc

Maynor

Well. Back to the minority thanks to Joseph. Who honestly screwed over people who wanted to work with him till the end so he could help people who have said they wanted him out for forever. 🤷‍♂️ Im just whatever. Like if i dont win immunity, im most likely going home. And Joseph gets a free pass to f5 cuz the two next votes will be me and Timmy.

This challenge is just a huge ugh for me. I dont know why but everytime i have done this challenge, it always triggers a panic attack. Its a small one but affects my ability to do it when i mess up for the first time. I got to 29 sleds. Most likely not going to be enough to beat Jack or Raffy. Which sucks cuz i really needed this immunity.

Maynor

Hmm. I think i wont be able to pass my 29 sled score. Especially not in the state i am. The pressure i put on myself wasnt good. And has made me into a mess. I just feel bad. And i feel like i let Timmy down even though he has told me I didnt. For the challenge, i feel like Raffy or Jack will win. And Timmy n I will be the targets. No one in their right mind would vote off Joseph. He’s the goat people would take to the end to get zero votes. He really screwed his alliance for people who dont want to work with him. Im still going to fight but not going to fool myself its going to be tougher and gunna need lots of luck.

Raffy

This challenge broke me. I got up to mid-70s and then I fucked it up. And apparently someone was neck and neck with me. It was probably Timmy, and he is going to win immunity then use the idol on Maynor which is terrible. I fully think there is an idol in this game and it can only be used in these next two rounds so it is bound to happen. And I am just so tired and so done and so over it. I can't do it anymore. And I'm going to go to EoE and then have to battle against challenge powerhouses and I fgjkbf j, fsjfKD dkHV dhb KB If this is the challenge that causes my game to be over, I'm going to be pissed

Jack

So i somehow actually one the challenge (i legit thought I wasn't doing that well and then Jay's like "mate you're super ahead lmao") but I'm VERY glad i did, cause no way I didn't still have a target on my back. Now the likely shift will be onto Raffy, but we've got the stirrings of a plan to go for Timmy (love the guy, he just seems like he wants to murder me so) and go with the same voting block of Ellie, Raffy, Dylan and me, and then Joseph would maybe not be told the vote (sorry dude) and instead told that the votes smthn else, so in case Timmy has an idol he wont use it (but also like only 2 more councils to use it so like he might just anyways) but yeah. Also maybe spreading that were going to vote for Joseph actually tho, but idk. Gonna chat with Dylan and Ellie in the morning.

Raffy

I was so close to winning that challenge. I do not feel safe going into this round because I think that someone has an idol up their sleeve and they are bound to use it either during this round or the next. I want to split the vote between Maynor and Timmy, but last time I tried to organize a split vote, one of my closest allies went home. Ideally, we have me, Jack, and Dylan vote for Maynor while Ellie/Joseph vote for Timmy. However, Joseph probably feels betrayed after last round so he will probably join Timmy's and Maynor's side. I think we all need to stack our votes on one person for the best success, but I'm so scared of an idol rn that it is crazy. Idol paranoia is at an all-time high.

Raffy

I do not know why I am a front runner in this game when people like Dylan, Jack, and Ellie exist who are the ones doing the actual work. In fact, I should not even be a target. Just because I am loud does not mean I am good at this game. Either way, at least it means I have a good chance of victory if I make it to FTC, but that is a hard IF.

Ellie and Dylan were talking, and they determined that a split vote, while risky, is probably necessary. Our main target right now is Maynor, but we are splitting it between him and Timmy. We want to keep Joseph in the dark about who the target is because I don't necessarily trust him with that information. So, we are going to tell him that it is Timmy, but three of us are going to vote for Maynor while another one votes for Timmy. This creates a 3-2-2 if Joseph goes along with the plan. And, if he back stabs us, it creates' a 3-3-1 with a tie for insurance. This is in case of an idol because if Joseph back stabs us then that means they will think it is Timmy which means, if they have an idol, they will use it on Timmy, not Maynor. This plan has its risk, but sometimes you have to take risks in this game like last time.

Raffy

Maynor asked me to vote him out. This is strange because his reasoning is that he feels like he screwed over Timmy's game and he wants to give Timmy more chances in this game than himself. I find this incredibly suspicious because this could very well be a ploy to use the idol correctly in order to idol someone out, probably me. If this were a trick, it's a dirty trick that I cannot respect. I would like to believe him and make this an easy tribal, but this is just odd from my standpoint.

Jack

Okay so plan rn is voting 3 (Joseph, Ellie, Raffy) onto Maynor and 2 (Me, Dylan) onto Timmy, in case one had an idol. No hard feelings for either just how it goes. I'm so freaking glad i've got immunity tonight mannnn. Also I've still got my idol so that's a thing. I'm pretty confident tonight be who knows man, Joseph's a bit of a wild card and Dylan could flip. Also love Maynor but hes gonna do a win mannnn.

Raffy

I told Joseph about the split vote because I do not believe lying is necessary anymore. Maynor knows he is going home, so he is going to use an idol on himself either way. And Joseph seemed down as long as he got to vote Maynor. This could end up blowing up in my face, but this will come back to haunt these people in the form of my bitterness.

Maynor

This tribal is gunna be extremely messy and i love it cuz there is a chance that me and Timmy can stay in the game. I knew that Dylan Effie Raffy and Jack are splitting votes. Also have asked Joseph to join them. So they wanna split 3-2 with me going home. Kinda my doing cuz told Raffy to vote for me. But Joseph is gunna vote with Me and Timmy and vote Dylan. So the vote should be 3-3-1 unless they have Joseph in the majority vote if they do then the vote would end up being 3-2-2 amd Dylan goes home. Timmy says hes gunna play his idol but doesnt know on who yet. We are assuming right now that im getting the majority. So hoping so we can pull of this amazing blindside. 3 blindside in the first 4 merge vote. We are some crackheads.

Timmy

This tribal is going to be a mess. Should I play my idol, should I not, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. And now I have to put my faith in Joseph...THE SAME JOSEPH WHO FUCKED ME OVER LAST ROUND. Like what even is this game. Either way Maynor and I want Dylan gone and everyone else except maybe Joseph wants myself or Maynor gone. If we can get through this without needing to use the idol it'll be a miracle.

Ellie

What the fuck is it with Raffy and last minute decisions???? Stick with the plan dude pretty pleaseeeeeee

Raffy

At least I was not screwed over by the idol. I still have the numbers with Jack and Ellie. So, next round I either need the idol or win immunity. Or both.

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