#like idk i don't have friends!!! so when i want to relax and go online it's just like ugh to not even enjoy that or find posts i like

[allthebestcowgirls]

im just tired of feeling like a weirdo and an outsider honestly. everything in my life and every interest i have just makes me feel so dumb and strange and like i'll never really find someone who gets me

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I posted a song kind of trash talking my parents?

👨‍👩‍👧🎵

(TLDR at the bottom)

Okayy, hear me out. I (20F) am a musician and songwriter and I tend to write about well, my life. Music is the place where I go to relax/vent, basically a creative outlet. Now, this is not my job and I'm not a big artist by any means, I just do this for fun and sometimes post it online in a public account.

My relationship with my parents (43F, 50M) has historically been not great. I'm the eldest and have often been made feel the reason why my parents didn't divorce when their marriage started failing. My father has a temper and was absent for a part of my life, and my mother also has a temper and is very critical of me. Overall, not parents of the year.

Now, a couple months ago I started writing a song about basically hating that I share traits with them and how it fucks me up sometimes to know despite how different I try to be from them, they're still my parents and live in me. The lyrics aren't outright disrespectful or anything like that, but I do complain about my relationship with each of them, their behaviours and how I at times don't feel loved or cared for.

Yesterday I finished it and I actually really like it, I showed it to one of my friends and they really liked it too, and told me I should post it so others could listen. I'd like to, but right now things with my parents have been good and while everything in the song is true, I don't want them to feel judged or antagonized. Along with this, friends and family alike have access to the place I post my songs in, and while I've vented to a couple of friends about my parental issues, by posting it I'd basically be airing out our dirty laundry to a bunch of people, which I know they'd dislike and might even hurt them. We might not be the bestest of friends, but they are my parents and I love them. But again, everything is true, and I like to think maybe if they listened to it they'd understand me more. And, it would not be the first time I post a song complaining about someone/something in my personal life, so it wouldn't be exactly off-brand.

So, idk, WIBTA?

TLDR: I wrote a song complaining about the behavior and not great relationship I have with my parents and I really want to post it, but I feel like posting it might embarrass and hurt them by airing out our problems online.

What are these acronyms?

[bomberqueen17]

Big Easy

I am on vacation this week in New Orleans. There are many reasons for this but mostly they're not about me. I'm just here for the ride. Hilariously the one thing I found on on my own that I was like "oh i gotta do that while we're here" is also the thing that has been recommended to me by literally everyone i've spoken to including the Lyft driver from the airport, which is the WWII Museum, and conversely the more people recommend it the more I'm like :/ I might not enjoy this that much. WWII history was a childhood hyperfixation of mine but I've found the shit I was into about it is not the stuff other people like about it. This museum features a movie narrated by Tom Hanks so I feel like it's going to mm emphasize the bits I don't care about a lot. BUT I am going to go and I am probably going to devote a whole day. The upside of this is that probably Dude will not be deadly bored by it. He does tend to have the issue of not being into what I'm into sometimes... but this will probably be fine.

My hip is doing okay, the one I've been physically therapizing for ages? But what's popped up is that as the bad hip heals, the "good" hip starts giving me trouble-- I have prettty bad sciatic nerve problems on that side, and I didn't notice them so much because the cartilage tear on the bad side hurt enough to distract me. But lately it's like-- a little electric current of Badness inside the back of my right knee. No fun. But I've been doing physical therapy exercises for about fifteen weeks now (I just counted), three times a week, so I'd damn well better have seen some improvement LOL.

But mostly I can walk around, and I have a better idea earlier on whether walking is going to be good for me or not, so idk it's progress.

So far I have had a few bites of a shrimp po'boy (in the Atlanta airport, where we ordered something else and the waitress didn't hear us and just brought better food, no regrets on our part), some amazing gumbo, a bit of really good crawfish etouffe, and a really good Hurricane cocktail, and have seen the steamboat Natchez going up the MIssissippi with a brass band playing on it. Oh yeah there was a live band at the baggage claim? Apparently there were Many Doings in the French Quarter last night because of Cinco de Mayo, our Lyft driver was explaining they'd barricaded a bunch of the streets and she was delighted they'd moved one barricade because otherwise she could not have dropped us at our hotel. But by the later evening when we were out and about it wasn't quite so crowded but there were police cars and sirens and apparently some kind of disturbance a couple blocks away from our hotel. We kept walking because whatever it was was Not Our Business.

I'm mostly here for the food. I brought mostly me-made clothes. I was wearing a nice button-up shirt to fly in, and i sat at the gate during our layover and hand-bound two of the last three buttonholes on it (I'd cut and overcasted them at home but ran out of time). Relaxing and chill, honestly.

There are a couple of fabric stores I want to visit but apart from that I have zero agenda. Maybe Dude came up with something. I think he's mostly been researching restaurants.

I did not expect this, though: I know the names of so many of the places here from the news coverage of Katrina, and when I saw the Superdome in person i started crying, and had to explain to the driver that I'd been an airport bartender during that time and so had been stuck in front of huge TVs with 24h live coverage, and I'd had a bunch of online friends living there and I didn't realize until this moment how much it scarred me, so I could only imagine for the people here, and she talked about how she'd been a cleaner in an apartment complex at the time (I'd sussed that she was my age or older so I figured she'd remember it as well as I do, because to my shock that was 20 years ago now) and how many people had just left and never come back, had abandoned their possessions and just never came back for them because the power didn't come back on for two or three months.

She said "Now I know, when they tell you to evacuate, you get the hell out."

She also complained that nobody knows how to act, because it's all tourists. Which, fair.

... Anyway, anyone with recs for New Orleans feel free to tell them to me, I'm just here for the food and the vibes.

[zeondraws]

Finally had time for my boos OCs

Wanted to draw Alondra as study but ended up drawing her brother in. He put the kitchen on fire idk HOW-

Random thoughts down below!

Last four days I have been very productive I've noticed. Just interesting to see, I do manage to work on my projects when the time is there (I always worry I am incapable of working properly, whenever I see all these self employed artists that seem to manage well enough). I specifically took two days off work to clean my apartment and work on stuff. Still have to add something to furniture and wait for my new bookcase but- is going.

Tho I clearly seem to be afraid of paperwork, that fear keeps festering. Hm, I at least have therapy today, hope new therapist will be OK.

I always seem to work on something every day, tho I also have been living alone for years and it sometimes feels very lonely being in my apartment on my own (Tho I am also very used to being alone, sometimes I prefer it). Yesterday, my uncle told me I can turn to him to talk about anything etc. But I just know, if I talk about my feelings too often, he'll get offended at some point.

While I draw is the only time I can finally shed a tear, sometimes at least. It is therapeutic in some way. Also I started listening to a German youtuber hyper analyse every 5min of the first harry potter movie yesterday- She has like 30 episodes that take around 40-60min each. It's wild but also very interesting to listen to while drawing. (German folks may know about Coldmirror) Freaking giggled at some parts, a friend of mine joined the vc session and listened along, was fun.

But ye I hope I can go back to having proper therapy the coming months and sort some problems, I'm too scared to talk to anyone with. I think one topic that makes me feel incredibly awkward, that I have mentioned a bunch of time already? Is probably about love, but it makes me feel very weird. I still remember as a child where I got a crush on cartoon characters and it wasn't really bad. Tho I stopped trying to have that feeling after I obsessed over my chem teacher at the age of 16-17. It makes me feel very awkward to this day and sometimes feels very painful.

I'm turning 23 in about a month, which is wild to think. So much happened, since I left my uncles house. (for context I have two)

But I think developing a crush on a fictional character now makes me feel very weird. I don't know how to feel about it because I avoided having such feelings for ages, because this entire topic among other things has a lot of bad memories attached to it. There is some trauma that is waaaayy too personal, that I couldn't say here. At least not in the near future. But ugh I get emotional just thinking about it, for some reason it brings me back to child me playing uno on my own. Didn't really have many people to play with. Instead I hung out with my imaginary OCs and did stuff with them. They still help me out, whenever I need to overcome a challenge. Or me just imagining them, following me along in the mall. My favourites atm are Edwin and Kirsten, two of my Bus OCs.

Seems therapy, art and just writing my feelings down somewhere online helped the most. I tried doing a diary, but it sadly didn't work long term. If I could have a family member I can vent to instead, I'd be happy to but don't think it's given. I think even a partner scares me too much, I firstly want to be on my own rn.

Okay! I go relax today, busbusbusbusbusbusbusbusbus

[tinywitchgoblin]

🎹 hi could i get a tbb ship request(tbats what its called right)!! preferably sfw.

my name is aki but my nickname is “sticks”(sometimes its a “codename” as a joke.) my hair is kinda vkei-ish?? more of a short jellyfish idk. just search up vkei hair and you’ll get it:) its blonde(more of a yellow-orange though) but the roots are black. most of the clothes i wear are black and i have pretty much a whole chest of accessories and the like. im asian, fairly dark skinned, and very proud.

my therapist used to describe me as slightly autistic but i never got diagnosed. i like to consider myself a mix of intp-t and intj-t, im also a gemini. im usually kinda closed off but online and with my friends i could ramble for HOURS. i was always an overachiever when it came to academics(still am). im 19 and currently in college. i was always interested in programming and science during hs. my friends often say my academic reputation contradicted my style. i used to play the guitar but now i play the piano. i love bands with that cellophaney sound like suede, the smashing pumpkins, radiohead etc. to add to that i also love vkei.

aside from the piano and guitar i also crochet but not much. sometimes i like to program silly games to play w my friends, theyre really simple though. i love dogs. as in i LOVE them. i love them so so much they are my love and life. though i dont really like small dogs theyre a pain in the ass. baby hamsters are scary as shit. i like vampire shows and books theyre soo cool.

anyway thanks

Of course, thanks for participating!

I ship you with...

Crosshair!

You were friends with Tech first (bonding over coding and other academically-inclined topics), which is how you were introduced to Crosshair. He's someone who is very reserved and doesn't trust easily, but since Tech trusted you, that made it a bit easier for Crosshair to trust you, too. He trusts his brother's judgement.

Crosshair loves when you play piano. He secretly wants to ask you to teach him to play, but he's too shy indifferent to ask. However, he will sit and listen to you play, letting himself relax as the notes float through the air. Sometimes, if it's right after a mission or any time tbh, he'll listen to you play and clean his rifle- two things he really enjoys.

Another way the two of you bond is by going to animal shelters and playing with the dogs (the big ones, of course). At one point he was this 🤏 close to bringing home a pittie mix named Ginger, but Hunter said no ("he's such a di'kut, I don't understand why he doesn't like dogs"). Either way, seeing him so carefree and getting to spend some time with him was what mattered the most.

-

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this, drop it in my ask box. 💚

[insufferable-talkstuck]

(HELPP sorry bro gonna ask this blog instead mb 💀😭)

helloo can u classpect me pls (idk heo to do this 🔥) including a little bit of vent for the sake of classpects

basically i am reclusive, secretive, spacey, knowledgeable but not in an arrogant way, creative, pretty absent minded, and very awkward :]

my main interests include TMNT, MBTI, experimental music, psychology, and marine life. (probably says nothing)

i also like drawing but sometimes i get mad jealous over other ppls art

i also have a strong interest in leftism, anti-racism and anti-capitalism. idk what that says tho

i can get RLY obsessive about my interests and i will NOT shut up about whatever im hyperfixating on

i find it extremely difficult to grasp social cues, in other words i am socially inept

i can have a lot of trouble with empathy usually, not saying i have no empathy tho

no social life. 0. not even one (1) friend. offline or online.

if i had a social group tho i think id be the weird one who is very awkward and does not get jokes 😭

i like to consider both logic and emotions when making a decision, but i tend to value logic and rationality more sometimes

i have a tendency to stay up really late, like really late (it is 5 am as i am writing this

(idk of the text below counts as a vent or not but read idk)

ive always been really bad at explaining, wording, or identifying my own emotions, idk why but its just really hard to come up with words that can accurately describe how i feel, which is why im shit at venting

nvm i think im just bad at wording my own thoughts in general, it makes me feel kind of dumb, im just as bad at that on text too 😭😭 communicating is hell

(vent-ish thing is over)

supernatural stuff is pretty cool too idk

ive been told im dry and very monotonous in person 💀 like a robot n shit

i also dont like being wrong but not in an arrogant know-it-all asshole kinda way ❤

idk what else to put here.

Seer of Void

I'm not picking up any sign that you would *want* to be assigned a void player but I don't tell people what they want to hear.

- dissection -

‘ basically — :] ’ in this paragraph you list off some traits that could easily be associated with void

‘ i can RLY — tho ’ classpects aren't political stances and tho some classes and aspects are described as more devoted or revolutionary it doesn't specifically tilt it towards any view on these things. go girl give us nothing

‘ i find it — jokes ’ you're listing traits of autism, not something that could help me classpect you. However in all technicality "lacking" so many things can be written off as void

‘ i like to consider — on text too ’ okay, Dirk strider moment I guess, if you had only left this paragraph i would have given you prince of heart and left it at that

- dissection over -

why I think you're a seer of void

seers struggle to grasp their aspect at first, how it works and how they could relate to it escapes them, but once they learn it they're comfortable in it. you talk like youre rampaging to find fragments of a personality, sloppily putting paragraphs about yourself together, but if you were to take a step back and relax I think you'd be relieved and find comfort in the nothingness, and along with it the unlimited potential you'll master but.. baby steps

bonus round

i think there would be a destructive heart player and/or a mind player in your session, you seem torn between the two, I don't see this talked about amongst the classpecting population but I do think the aspects of the players in your session would affect you. with all my evidence of that coming from the kids and trolls sessions I mean the bond is just so clear

[lilacs-and-lavenders]

Experimenting with different games to see which ones interest me. I got SF6 and it's fun watching CPU Kimberly beat up pl1. Love all the colors. It's nice seeing something different for a change on my TV screen. Refreshing even looking at something that isn't laced with terrible memories. 👏🏽

Having a bit of a difficult time staying in FF, though. Yes I am going to be playing when the DT expansion releases but I don't know how often. I'm just too annoyed by the other players when I log in. They don't really bother me at all but...idk...I guess all of my bad memories of the toxic fake friends I met ruined the overall atmosphere and feel of the game for me as well as my view of people as a whole so I have a love/hate relationship with it. Affwcted me more than I thought. Traumatic memories. Ugh. I love seeing my WoL though but I cant bring myself to log in much which is why I created them in Sims 4. It also gets incredibly lonely since no one really talks to each other especially if you aren't in their friend group/clique. And I am obviously not good at making friends despite my best efforts. They always end the same. Trauma. Trauma. And more trauma. I honestly don't know what I was expecting from an MMO. I got a little to ambitious with wanting to branch out try new things. 😅 I'm going to stick around to the very end of the game whenever that is ofcourse. I obviously can't quit because of my houses which sucks because I am losing all drive to play it. BUT whenever it does finally end, goodbye FFXIV. I'm dipping out. Deuces.✌🏼

I think I am just wanting something new. A change of pace. But it is so hard to find games that interest me and counter my low attention span. I mostly like idle games now and mobile stuff. I love Sims 4 despite it's flaws but do wish that it still had a lot of the elements that Sims 3 did like cars and an open world. They also really need to optimize it because the latency issues are a pain in the ass. 😭

I have a bunch of other games on backlog that I might try out. I don't have the patience for long-winded storylines anymore let alone long games like the new AC Creeds bleh. I don't like overly grinding stuff, either. And I don't want anything that's an online multiplayer. Just...no. FF drained me.🤦🏽‍♀️

I do have other hobbies like writing, drawing, and photography. We'll photography on my phone since I don't have a professional camera. Also blogging obviously. I've changed blogs so many times on here. 🤣

tldr: MMOs are not for me and most of the FF players drained me and killed the game for me due to their toxicity and need to want to manipulate and take advantage of others. It's sad. Looking for newer games to play that strike my fancy and keep my attention. I love idle games and stuff like Sims 4. Well...games that allow me to design my own character. I don't like overly long games and grindy gameplay. Too stressful and draining. Have other hobbies, too. I get bored of things easily.

Oh! I wanted to add this note in, too. On the days when I don't play. I feel so much more relaxed. So that speaks volumes there. I'll stick with my single player games. They're so chill now. 😎❤️

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I was wondering if I could get some match ups for Obey Me, Mystic Messenger, and Genshin Impact!

Pronouns: they/them and she/her

Sexuality: demisexual

Zodiac/MBTI: Taurus and INTP

Appearance: 5'1 on a good day, pale skin, average build with a pear bodyshape, dark brown eyes, big glasses, black and purple split dyed hair with blunt bangs that's shoulder length in the back with longer face framing bits in the front (idk if im describing it well so think Ramona Flowers's hair from Scott Pilgrim but longer ^^;), and I'm almost always wearing something black or a dark color with converse or docs.

Personality: I'm pretty shy around strangers but my friends have described me as kind hearted, easy going, sassy, funny, smart (in the intelligence sense, not really wisdom sense lol), dense, clumsy, and a little bit lazy.

Likes: video games (turn-based and story driven especially) all animals (but cats and aquatic animals are my favorites), sushi, energy drinks, horror movies, and rock music.

Dislikes: bitter things, sudden loud sounds, hot weather, bright lights, and most outdoor physical activities.

Hobbies: I enjoy baking, playing videogames, cosplaying, experimenting with make up, and binging random video essays and Wikipedia articles.

Any extra information: Since I'm pretty clumsy and basically blind without my glasses I have a lot of scars and almost always have a bruise or scrape somewhere on my body. I also always carry a bag on me with little extra things incase of emergencies (like a mini first aid kit, hand sanitizer, snacks, hair ties, etc).

Idk what else to put but I hope this is enough and I hope you have a great day/night! ＼(⌒▽⌒)

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchup!

In Obey Me, I match you with...

Your shyness when you're around strangers is balanced out by Mammon's natural extroverted nature.

However, you're intelligence balances out Mammon's...interesting methods of thinking. He's certainly not dumb but he does need someone to reign in his more rambunctious ides.

Mammon will watch horror movies with you. He'll start out with bravado, and the movie will finished with him clinging to your arm. Please let him sleep in your room tonight. And don't turn the light off please!

He does love reading random Wikipedia pages with you. He's started reading them when he's waiting in a line or relaxing between photoshoots, and any articles he thinks you'd enjoy, he'll send your way.

He'd love it if you sent him random articles as well. He'll be sure to read them!

Mammon thinks your clumsiness is endearing but every time you hurt yourself enough to draw blood, his heart almost beats out of his chest. Please take more care of yourself!

He'll help you put Band-Aids on any of your scrapes and will make sure you have a snack afterwards.

If you're lucky, he might place a kiss on top of the Band-Aid. Just don't comment on his blush afterwards.

In Mystic Messenger, I match you with...

Another clumpy person. Yoosung definitely needs to carry an emergency bag with him. But until he remembers to do that, please let him borrow Band-Aids from you.

Yoosung also loves reading random Wikipedia articles. He's a collage student to Wikipedia is like his second home. If you mention an article to him, chances are he's read it.

Loves going for a walks with you and stopping to say hello to every aimale you come across. It doesn't matter if it's a cat, a dog, or a caterpillar.

Yoosung is a huge animal lover and he loves that you are as well. He'd love to get a pet with you but he's a little scared to ask. It's sort of like the step before a baby in his mind and he doesn't want you to feel like he's moving too fast.

Video game dates are a must. Whether you're playing an online multiplayer and you're both on the same team, or you're playing against each other, he loves every second of it.

Supper proud when you beat anyone, including him. He'll be bragging about his wonderful partner in every game lobby he enters.

Yoosung also loves your baking. I see him as a big fan of sweet treats like cinnamon rolls and chocolate cake but he doesn't have them a whole lot. Homemade is best and he's a broke college student. Please make him lots of treats!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Xinyan brings so much energy to your life!

Expect her to gush about your baking. And your cosplay. And how smart you are. Basically, if there's something you're good at, Xinyan is bragging about it to anyone who'll listen.

Xinyan also thinks your clumsiness is cute but she'll always fret over you when you hurt yourself to the point of bruising or bleeding. She's getting your emergency pack out and placing Band-Aids where you need them.

I think Xinyan would also carry emergency supplies on her. Accidents can happen at concerts, and whether those Band-Aids are for her or for a crowd member, it doesn't matter. She's always ready to use them is someone needs them.

Xinyan is happy to go and see animals with you, as long as there are no frogs around. She's okay with fishes and other aquatic animals, but no frogs please.

[rainbowcrowley]

your internship post reminded me of something. i’m going to tell you a story

many years ago i got a job i had really wanted. the people were pleasant and accepted that i was a bit different from them, but they were much more ordinary than me. they might have been open to being educated on things, but they’d lived their whole lives oblivious to many disadvantages that had affected me. it wasn’t just that they hadn’t been subject to those disadvantages, they didn’t really know anyone who had. people like me were theoretical to them, and they’d never given us much thought

and slowly i realised that if i educated them, in their eyes i would be making myself more and more weird, and more and more a symbol of specific categories than a person. so in a way, the more they understood the things that matter to me, the less they would see me as an individual person.

they weren’t bad people, but i censored myself around them. often i didn’t say things because i wasn’t up for the effort of explaining myself. and the more i didn’t say things, the worse i felt, especially when i left the office and relaxed. it was fucking lonely.

i was even less open with my friends because i was emotionally tired after a long day with my colleagues. if i’d had someone (or someones) who got what i was going through and helped me talk about it i probably could have made it through if it was a fixed term. but i didn’t have someone like that, i wasn’t emotionally aware enough to realise that was what i needed, and it was a permanent job..

so i left and lied about why i was leaving because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings!

i’m not presuming your experience is super similar, just sharing in case there’s enough we have in common that it sheds a tiny bit of light. just the fact that you can see the danger sign even if you don’t know quite why you’re feeling it is an advantage. that type of self awareness is so valuable. i wish you happiness and success, whether that comes through finding a better way to make it through the internship, or finding another route to take in your life

i got this ask over a month ago and i always wanted to get back to it and answer it, but I couldn't find the right words. idk if the person who sent me this is even going to see it but.. I'm very sorry for not posting it sooner. the first time I read this it actually helped a lot. and I'll forever be thankful for that <3 i hope you're doing well too!

why am I posting/sharing this now? bc my internship is almost over and I have a lot of Feelings.

an update on the overall situation: it got better. i still feel somewhat out of place, but I accepted that. i think it's just the Queer Experience? like I have my lil bubble of queer friends, online and offline, but "the real world" is, in fact, not that. obviously DUH. idk whether I'm just being weird or naive or so out of touch with said "real world" that this fact hit me so hard. I always thought I knew it, but... yeah, experiencing it firsthand brought me down to earth HARD.

anyway.

my supervisor and colleagues are no bigots. they didn't say anything bad or hurtful, but it's clear that the same thing anon said happened here, too, in a way. thing is... I censored myself completely. i was (still am) so terrified of showing the "real me" that I HAVE to censor myself. and it's fine, really. let's say I'm used to it (looking at you, dear extended family) and I can live with that. it's frustrating and tiring sometimes, but it's fine.

so right now there are other parts of the internship that bother me. things that don't have to do with the social aspects of it. things like the long commute, the fact that I didn't learn any new cool things like I expected and it can get pretty boring sometimes when there's nothing to do (which happens in IT support... sometimes things just WORK and you're sitting in the office doing nothing twiddling your thumbs besides being on stand-by). and my teacher and social worker want me to extend the internship bc I'm good at what I'm doing but I just..... UGH. I just don't feel like it. and idk if it's bc of all that happened, or that anon said above, or all the things that bother me or if it's just my depression acting up (again) bc I've not been doing great over the past few weeks in that particular department for reasons that have nothing to do with work.

i don't know what to do or feel and it's annoying. I'm just so tired. (and I need therapy like, right now. meh.)

thanks for reading <3

[what-if-nct]

I’m going to send you my bumble profile and I’m gonna see if you would swipe right or maybe do a experiment to see if I’m likeable based on my bio alone because idk if I’m doing this right 😭

Jeongin, 18 (obviously my real name)

Bio: I am a bit of a nerd… but I hope we can have a lot of fun! I just want someone to cuddle and have bubble tea dates with… ;( sc: (not sure if i’m allowed to promote here *wink*)

I also did those question thingy lol

I get way too excited about...

Piccadilly Circus. I can't stop talking about this amazing part of London.

A review by a friend:

"He's literally the most hilarious and the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Literally.

He gave me a SHINee doll for my birthday." - Asahi (Online friend)

Favourite quality in a person...

Of course personality would be one, but I also really like their smile. Even better if I'm the one who made it happen!

Interestingly, none of my favourite artists are even K-pop- they’re literally afrobeats, r&b and uk grime. like if you saw the word “nerd” but you see songs that most people listen to 🥹

Is this an interesting profile? Should I change something a little bit? Is there another app I should try? Please give me some tips ;(

Okay, you're profile is absolutely precious and yes I would swipe right cause in my experience guys with profiles like yours are always just so sweet and lovely and I have the best time with them massive green flag. Change nothing. I think casting a wider net and trying other dating sites would just help figure what works best for you. I don't like bumble because of the girls message first rule which I don't know if they still have it but it's kinda stupid for a multitude of reasons. I personally think tinder is easier to use but it has a higher volume of nonsense. There's a ton of other ones. And I really suggest just going in light hearted and being yourself. Just relax and have fun with it. I consider it like a really interactive sim dating game like how i consider photo editing apps makeover games but with me. I think your profile is great just have to consider it a fun thing to do when you're bored and use it casually. Just from your profile you'd attract from my nct tinder series Shotaro, Sungchan, Doyoung, Winwin, Xiaojun Kun, Mark, and Jaemin. which are are the best ones to match with. With mine I'm only getting Johnny, Yuta, Yangyang and Jaehyun maybe Hendery fboy and weird boy magnet. Also pictures I suggest using pictures that show off who you are and your essence or just the ones you love the most. but you are going in the right direction.

[gigglesnortbangdead]

for ask meme: 4-6, 11-13, 17-19, 24!

4. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

a little joke me and one of my besties do is every time there is text on an establishing shot that tells us where the scene is taking place, we say "ohhhh, That's where that is!" and i don't know why we have continued doing this for the better part of a decade, but we do it basically every time this happens. this is not something that is funny, but it is funny that we have continued to do this.

5. what made you start your blog?

it was so long ago.... my bestie had a tumblr and a few fanfic writers that i really liked had tumblrs, and i don't know, i just figured what the hell. and now here we are!

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

specifically about being an online creator, probably the best is that it's a low stakes way to be creative and have people read my work! getting published (or even self-publishing) is such a hassle. i want to write and edit my work, and then just drop it for people to read right away! And because there's that immediacy of publishing, I don't have to feel an intense level of anxiety over a work being "perfect." i'm tempted to say that the worst part is knowing that other people are better liked and more popular than me, but that would still be an issue for me even if I was in traditional publishing. but the online aspect of this (seeing other people get lots of engagement on their accounts, seeing fics with hundreds of comments and bookmarks, seeing particular fics getting discussed as having fandom-wide importance) are really obvious, and it does feel embarrassing to be so jealous of works/creators that are, in the larger scheme of culture, about as unknown as my own work

11. what do you consider to be romance?

At this point in my life, I really do want to be obsessed with someone who is obsessed with me. I am pretty okay spending time on my own, I entertain myself really well, but it means a lot to me when somebody wants to, like, hear about the stuff I did while I was alone. Like "yes, tell me about the movie you watched," or "what color did you paint your nails?" or whatever. I'm not a very interesting person, so I'd like to feel interesting to someone! I also like it when someone wants to touch me! It's good we live in a world where people ask before they touch each other, I guess, but I'm bad at inviting physical contact, so when someone just goes for it (and I like it), that feels really special! Also also I think it's romantic when someone I like makes choices for me, sorry!

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

idk stream Fear of Death? i don't think i'm the person to go to for advice

13. what are you doing right now?

listening to this week's Throwback Thursday playlist on spotify and answering my online correspondence ❤️

17. name 3 things that make you happy

listening to music while i play on my computer, grilled cheese and tomato soup, and my fwends

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

like, sure. i mean, i don't know, it's not something that keeps me up. i think i personally veer sort of skeptical about ghosts/aliens in my own life, but i have zero interest in ever telling somebody that their encounters aren't real just because i've never experienced something like that. like i'm fully aware that i'm a spiritual nutjob (semi-ironically, but not ironically enough), so i'm very 👍 to whatever people vibe with

19. favourite thing about the day?

getting to watch people go around with their dogs and kids! also brunch!! and when you do things during the day, it means you can relax at night time! and when the weather is nice, i do like actually being outside during the day and getting some sun (the heat has just been so bad lately, I can't remember what that was like haha)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

A coworker of mine is writing a script, and he said my notes on the script were both really helpful and also made him laugh a lot, and that made me feel really good!

[aspxnvii]

ranting about this guy i've been talking to for the last 3 months because i don't know anymore

we originally matched in june last year, we talked for like a week and then i stopped responding cuz he was never asking me about anything in my life but i was asking him all the questions getting to know him etc etc

he reached out to me in september and i told him that i felt like he didn't care to get to know me and that's why i ghosted him and he apologized and immediately improved after that. so i said okay lets just go with it whatever. **we talk allday everyday since september last year**

he came on really strong at first and was like oh we could have movie nights and cuddle nights and etc etc and i was like dude relax you havent even met me yet etc. first time we hung out was in october - we went to a cafe and talked for 5 hrs, it went well and he said we should do this again sometime and i agreed.

2 weeks later we have a movie night at his house (that he invited me over for) we watch the movie and we both end up passing out and i left around 6am (nothing happened sexually or flirty but i wasnt planning on doing anything with him at the time), i hugged him goodbye and since then we have not hung out **once** and yet he texts me good morning and good night without fail every single day, asks me how my day is, aks how work was, asks me what i'm up to etc etc **every single day** to this day.

i even didnt message him for a whole week because i was going back and forth about the idea of cutting him off and i was like okay if he doesnt want a relationship and just isnt saying anything that's okay, i understand - let's just be friends. and during that whole week of me not messaging him, he still texted me multiple times everyday even tho i wasn't responding????

i eventually start talking to him again and we've been talking everyday since. keep in mind, i have mentioned us getting into a discord call together, going to an arcade together, playing a game together or going to a carnival together and he always says "oh yeah of course we'll do that"

weeks keep passing and nothing is happening. i don't fucking understand. does this make sense to anyone?

When i was at his house, his tv didnt work, we had to watch the movie on his computer - which tells me that he does not have friends over often, if ever. and he has like 3 friend groups on discord that he talks to all day everyday. so i'm wondering if he just prioritizes his comfort and his friends over a relationship. cuz that's what it seems to me and idk shits weird. i've never ran into a guy like this and just don't understand. like i genuinely think he's like someone who doesn't want to get up and get out and do anything. and i just???? BUT the fact that we're both online a lot and yes we're messaging eachother on discord allday - he never wants to call or play something together. so idk. we started sending each other deranged memes and he said i cant send you half teh shit on my phone and i told him i love deranged shit and he was like "i cant i dont want you to stop talking to me". sooooo liiiiiiike????????? we have so many inside jokes and we make eachother laugh all the time soo hhh

the guys who i've been dated and guys who have wanted to date m in the past have wanted to see me everyday, or atleast every weekend or want to call everyday etc. so this feels very strange

[faerie-hoard]

Actually blogging on Tumblr.com

I was trying to think about what I wanted to do for my first post, you know? I could have jumped straight into screaming at the void, post about books or rp or fanfic, and just pretended this blog was here the whole time. Or I could do an introduction post. Hello, I'm Fae, This is what I decided to do instead of ranting to my friends about things, I'm 26 going on 27 this year, etc., etc.

I hate introductions, though; I think they can be put into other things very easily, and they don't need to be their own post to reference constantly. If I wanted to do that, There's a bio right there, right?

Instead, I want to talk about the process of trying to find a good blogging spot, because it's really, Horribly corporate out there.

The thought of making this blog hit me at 2am working the night shift. I was loading up orders and boom, hey, let's start a blog! to ramble about things. Let's do book reviews. Let's review fanfiction. Let's talk about the online roleplay scene. Now, you know and I know that 2am is a terrible time to start a new project-- It's perfect for thinking it up, but the execution will always be a little messy. I'm a little messy on a good day, you know? so to avoid jumping in I went looking for resources.

You know, the sort of things that follow "Let's start a blog", which are "where do I put it?" and "how do I want it to look?" and "Is this going to cost me money at all". So I put on a youtube video, something to listen to while I worked. Something to, frankly, stop my impulses from popping my phone out on the sales floor like a cretin and trying to make a blogger account.

Have you ever looked up something innocuous, just to find yourself on The Grind side of the internet? I'm a squishy person, and I like relaxing, so I don't touch it very often. When I do run into it, it's a little bit like watching a parallel universe pop into existence fully formed. like Athena from Zeus' forehead. Maybe it was the 2am speaking, but at no point had the follow-up question "Can I make money off of this" popped into my head. In fact, when you're talking about fanfiction specifically it's dodgy to have that thought at all.

I think maybe I just got too comfy with the algorithm, honestly? Because youtube handed me so many videos, and none of them were remotely what I wanted. Just tons of advice from middle-aged men talking about blogging making you big money in almost no time at all! and...eugh?? Eugh. Nothing like fumbling for your phone in the back room because this is a 30-minute pitch for an online seminar and not actually a helpful video.

Like I said, I don't run into this side of the internet very often; I'm a proud tumblrite trash fire just like the rest of you, and I want ads on my things about as much as I want to look at ads on things I look up. Anyway, I chalked this up to the popular search being geared toward these grind-for-money, beat-capitalism-by-giving-me-money types. It sure wasn't though!

I mean, it was, but only because every single cursed thing I went to listen to was about how to make money on your blog and what things got you the most money and SEO and exclusive domains and you get the idea. Use WordPress! .org and not .com, though, so you can mess around with things and own everything yourself. Pay for hosting and a domain name. Use blogger! but only because it monetizes ads with google. Use Wix! the free version still lets you earn some money. I'm already at work! I don't need to be sold shit on the off chance my blog gets popular. Maybe one day I'll want WordPress and want a custom domain and all that, but I'm fine being a .website sort of blog.

I spent the rest of the night listening to WTNV and podfic, just to wash the taste out of my mouth, and when I woke up the next day sometime in the late afternoon I went to the source-- Reddit. And wouldn't you know it, I was getting answers, albeit still stuck in "Idk man don't you want to make money?" mode. Still, It was a relief seeing other people like me, who just had a lot to say and like to talk about it. Fellow void-screamers, if you will, and They were just as disgruntled!

This was where someone suggested Blogger as a useful tool for a free and new blog. It's in the name, right? I thought "Is it still ok to use though? will I be gently mocked for being a .blogger.com sort of blog?" (I hadn't actually gotten a lot of sleep, this is the only explanation I have for this thought). Then, on the winds of change itself, "I might as well just use tumblr if I'd go on blogger."

And... yea? Yeah, why hadn't I thought of that in the first place! It's free! it's anticapitalist! it's full of people like me that I like, and I know how to use it already! Anyway, that's how I ended up realizing I'd never considered Tumblr as a blogging site. It's probably outdated to use it like one now, but that never stopped tumblr before.

So that was my journey, with a side of salt tossed over at grindtube for making me sift through some absolute bullshit. I'm here, now, and I hope I get some enjoyment out of posting my thoughts here. At the very least I won't be ranting incoherently at my friends anymore.

probably.

[tinyorangepotato]

man, people complain about their friends being backstabbers or not good people or shit like that and it's a wonder because I have never once had that. I think people forget that you curate your own audience online and in real life.

Surpsingly this isn't a vent. I've have been feeling so bad, proabbly from just a stomach bug I relaize now, and yet Monday I made plans with my friends to watch Megan which is a movie they were looking forward to seieng very much. I feel so nauseous even when I went to Walmart to get more bombpops so I would have something to eat so I canceled the plans because that just sounds like a horrible time for me. And the two of them (the third I live with) were compeltely and totally okay with it and just wished for me to feel better.

like. that's very nice and how everyone should be even if they're disappointed (idk if they are super disappointed. they didn't voice it but yeyeyyeyeye).

meanwhile my cousin has so many people she talks to and one that she no longer does (thay I know of. I don't really care either way) that she would bring everywhere and they were joined at the hip for at least a few years. And all of them have had some type of drama or fight or something with her or other people she was friends with and I guess it's just two different groups seeing as she had been partying and drinking and do all that crazy shit since she was younger than I am but I don't see too much of an appeal of keeping that company.

Like I cam understand the type of people and the vibes and all that of wanting to do excited stuff and there being always something wild going on to talk about or do but if they're constantly gonna talk shit or do shitty things why? There are plenty of people out there that just aren't like that and can be just as good company. different but good.

And like the high school drama I have just overheard of the "friends" where its just one thing after another and then someone's upset or the posts online about constant betrayal within friends. Like you curated that. you chose to talk and associate with those people and there's absolutly no way you didn't see this coming or at the very least guess seeing as you know the person.

Obviously I don't know others positions and just talking as an outsider but it's still wild to me.

I'm lucky I never really got those types of friends or anything like that and the ones I have had over the years either ended just naturally or haven't and theyre all fairly good people all in all.

I guess you jsut attract like minded people usually and I can imagine doing anything like that to anyone but also I'm a pretty boring person. Hell New years eve all 4 of us were together and had totally legal substances and yet one was passed out before 11 (he passes out at like 9 every day. I'm surprised he stayed awake that long) and when I walked back in the door after dropping my brother back off just before midnight and was ready to start drinking, they were relaxing on the couches and just watching a show waiting for the ball drop livestream to come back on.

Very relaxed and chilled out and defnetly what I would've been doing but also, damn we are boring. it would be fun to actaully party yet I know I would end up hating it.

anyways yeah just thinking thoughts and that I'm glad no one at the very least voiced that they were disappointed and they just wished me to feel better soon.

hell even the boy I broke up with was super cool about it and everything. my friends significant other that the both of them were super mushy lovey dovey was a passive aggressive dick after they decided to break it up. sent lyrics to a song and shit. idk the full details but like mine said that it's okay and he just wants me to be happy.

[fufukunaga]

skts online dating ft. demi!kiyoomi

Kiyoomi has always found dating hard, much more so when the pandemic hit and everyone had to switch online.

Before the lockdown, Kiyoomi had been going out on blind dates set up by friends or Motoya.

He's been struggling with all the flirting and the subtle touches and the prolonged eye contact. He doesn't get it, if he's being honest.

Motoya insists he try online dating. It'll be good practice, he said. Talking to people while being in the comfort of your own home sounded like the perfect solution to Kiyoomi. He liked the fact that he could see a picture and some basic information unlike in a blind date. He liked that he could choose who to talk to, choose whether he wants to make the first move or not.

In theory, online dating should suit him.

But after the 55th match, Kiyoomi still hasn't found someone that gets past the 3rd day talking stage.

He calls it "The 3-Day Curse". After three days of talking, either Kiyoomi gets bored or the other person ghosts him. Eitherway, none of his matches lasted more than 3 days.

He's honestly getting tired of it and he was about to quit and uninstall the dating app when he came across Miya Atsumu's profile.

He doesn't know why. Normally, Kiyoomi swipes left on people who have thirst traps for pictures. Maybe it's because Atsumu's bio is of a quote from a book Kiyoomi had found interesting. Or maybe it was because it was way oast midnight and Kiyoomi's judgement was skewered.

But he felt compelled to swipe right.

He immediately finds that they matched and Kiyoomi doesn't know what to feel.

He doesn't initiate conversation though. Just leave it alone and go to sleep.

t's only until the next morning that Kiyoomi sees Atsumu's message.

Atsumu: i knew it

i knew you wanted me, omi-omi

abt time you finally became honest with yer feelings.

He didn't know what else he expected from Miya. The familiarity made Kiyoomi relax.

Kiyoomi: don't think too much into it, Miya

it was simply a misclick

Atsumu: i doubt that

Kiyoomi: believe whatever you want

It's weird, Kiyoomi thinks. They've been teammates for almost 2 years now but they never really texted much since they always see each other in practice.

Atsumu's as talkative as he is in person, which Kiyoomi finds grateful as he's not a good conversation driver.

One of the many reasons online dating seem to be not working for him.

Atsumu: say, omi-kun i never thought I'd see u on a dating app

Kiyoomi: neither did i

Atsumu: are u rly looking to date or are u just bored bc of the pandemic?

Kiyoomi: is that the new pickup line?

Atsumu: ur funny omi

but srsly

Kiyoomi: i guess i am looking to date

but it's been hard

Atsumu: whyy???

not a lot of guys up to ur impossibly high standard?

Kiyoomi: idk...

dating is hard

but

i do want someone to intimate with

i just

don't know how

Atsumu: oh

Kiyoomi: online dating is especially hard too

i dont know how to flirt

and i guess the distance doesnt help

it's just harder to get to know people and genuinely connect with them

Atsumu: i get what u mean

but you've come to the right place

Atsumu: did u know i wrote the book on the art of seduction?

Kiyoomi: no you didn't. stop lying.

Atsumu ur right i didnt.

BUT

i may as well have

bc i know all the secrets

and now i will teach them to u omi-omi

so u better be grateful

Atsumu tells him about his few choice of opening liners; He tells Kiyoomi how to spot red flags in a profile; He teaches Kiyoomi how to liven up a conversation, how to choose the right topic, and a lot of other things.

It's pretty insightful, if Kiyoomi says so himself.

They talk for two days straight just going over Atsumu's "online dating techniques".

In turn, Kiyoomi tells him about his dating experience so far both online and offline. They share worst date stories, most embarrassing date stories, most weird ones, and ever in between.

On the night before the third day, Kiyoomi tells Atsumu about his "3-Day Curse".

Kiyoomi: I can't believe you'll be the first one to break it

Atsumu: aww does that mean im special omi?

Kiyoomi: keep on dreaming, miya

Kiyoomi doesn't think much of it when the two of them are still talking nonstop during the third consecutive day. It doesn't mean anything, he reasons. They already know each other so technically they've been talking for more than 3 days already. It doesn't count.

With his newfound knowledge about the ins and outs of dating and flirting, Kiyoomi starts to try it on other people.

He tells Atsumu how things go, whether his tips worked. Atsumu teases him sometimes because "look at ya omi-omi being such a flirt im swooning"

Kiyoomi ignores him. But he follows more of Miya's advice.

Some are more successful than others. A few people make it pass the 3-day curse but Kiyoomi sooner or later loses interest and ghosts them himself.

He suddenly feels like there's something wrong with him.

Kiyoomi: i just can't understand why nobody's clicking

Atsumu: dont feel too pressured omi-kun

im sure you'll find someone soon!!! 

Kiyoomi: i dont think i will

Atsumu: u will!!!!

trust me

Kiyoomi: now that's too much to ask

Atsumu: mean!

After a month of trying and failing, Kiyoomi gives up. He tells Atsumu that he's planning to uninstall the dating app permanently so they probably switch to a different messaging app.

They continue talking. This time, not about dating. They talk about everything and anything.

Despite the self-isolation and the social distancing, Kiyoomi didn't feel alone when talking to Atsumu. It's something he's never experienced before — feeling close to someone who is physically far away.

Sure, they live in the same city but they can't see each other. Not yet.

But that's okay. Kiyoomi is happy with just talking.

After a few months, they start doing video calls and watching movies or volleyball matches together while being on call. They do this sometimes with the team but it's different when it's just the two of them.

Kiyoomi likes it better when it's just the two of them.

When lockdown was lifted and restrictions started easing up, volleyball practice started up again with certain health protocols that Kiyoomi was more than happy to follow.

Seeing Atsumu for the first time in months brings a weird feeling in Kiyoomi's stomach that he can't quite explain.

Atsumu smiles at him the moment their eyes meet and Kiyoomi's stomach's flip.

Oh.

Oh no.

He likes Miya Atsumu.

He's not sure what changed but

Kiyoomi reinstalls the dating app he had deleted long ago and desperately tries to find Atsumu's profile.

Once he finds it, he immediately swipes right. No hesitation, no overthinking. No blaming it on sleep deprivation.

They match.

Atsumu messages him first.

Atsumu: fancy seeing u here again, omi-omi

Kiyoomi remembers Atsumu's online dating tips: "once you've talked to each other enough to get to know them, tell them directly if you like them  and the next step asking them out on a date (i know we're in lockdown so we can't go out on a date but virtual dates are in right now, omi-omi u should def try it)"

Kiyoomi: i like you

would you like to go on a date with me?

Atsumu: ohohoho?

what's this?

Kiyoomi: you can say no if you want to

Atsumu: and what if i dont want to?

what then, omi-kun?

Kiyoomi: then say yes

Atsumu: pick me up at 8?

Kiyoomi: see you then

Sakusa Kiyoomi was never good at online dating or dating in general but his boyfriend definitely is.