#like i’ve had my normal physical and verbal tics just MORE

[daisybees]

besties my tic disorder is super baaaaad this morning ✌️

[arcadejohn127-9]

aaaaa hi!! can i request the brothers with a s/o who has tics?? i get tics from my anxiety and they’ve been getting on my nerves lately aa

I don't have much experience with tics, I've watched creators explaining about them and learning information about them. I only have a random twitch that can really hurt my neck if it flares up but I think it could just be a chill or something

I'll do my best, I'm not sure if you meant verbal or physical so it'll be a mix of both - again I'm always open for people to criticize and point out things I've done that appear ignorant or insensitive!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucifer:

Being in a the Devildom definitely caused some anxiety

So any natural tic would flare up due to the stress

So he's heard seen you tic before but got worried when it started to happen more recently

You were impulsively picking at your arms, your neck suddenly whipping to the side

You winced as your neck kept snapping

Lucifer slowly sat down beside you

When he the marks on your arms he held your hands

Your body didn't agree with that

Lucifer wasn't going to lie to himself, he had no idea what he was doing and if stopping you was good

But he didn't like to see you harm yourself

"what's gotten you like this? They haven't been this active before."

"it's anxiety-! I've just been really paranoid lately and everything is just- just piling up-!"

He handed you his coat, giving your body extra padding

It should help with not hurting yourself and not suppressing your tics

"My dear (Y/N), you're always welcome to talk to me, you can't let yourself get this overwhelmed."

Mammon:

"yo yo! Whoa - you alright?"

You whistled before clicked your tongue

A common tic you had

As time went on you started picking up different ones and even has picked up on some of the things mammon has said

Your more physical ones were normally clapping your hands or clicking your fingers

Mammon got use to your tics pretty quickly when you first came the Devildom

But they seemed to be more intense

And he's learnt that your emotions can influence how often your tics appear

"Yes- wow! Goldie! - it's just I've been feeling- I've been feeling anxious alot lately."

Mammon quickly came to your side, frowning

He patted your head

"you can always come to me, I'm your first! I'm here to protect you even if it's from your own emotions."

Levithan:

You were hiding in his room

You liked his room, it was calming

And that was a big reason he loves his room aswell! It was made to fit his wants and it never felt overwhelming

When he learned about your tics he was pretty chill

Didn't really care and knew it was something you did and couldn't really control

Is curious if you had any anime or game related ticks

Even verbal or physical - you did in fact have some

"Are you feeling alright? I noticed you were moving more than normal though my screen."

You tapped at the edge of the bathtub

Growing frustrated with yourself as you tried to speak but your tics kept interrupting you

"anxiety - hey listen! It's been really getting to me late-lately - you're awake-!"

"and you didn't come to me? I know I'm not great but I know anxiety, you can rant to me - maybe we can let it out in VR."

Satan:

When you first arrived he didn't expect to find out you had tics

Was very interested in learning what he could about it

When you two got closer he got you both meditation classes

In hopes it'll help you both feel more relaxed

Taught himself to not get mad when you swear at him or suddenly flip him off

Likes being able to sit with you and read aswell as be able to discuss different topics with you

So when you two were hanging out once again and he noticed your tics were becoming more active

He closed his book and turned to you

"Are you not enjoying yourself? You seem to be getting overwhelmed."

You smacked your hand against your lap

A small chirp forcing itself through your lips

"I've been fe-feeling anxious, it's starting to get really- to get really difficult to handle."

"I'm guessing classes are being no help, is there anything I can help with?"

Asmodeus:

Didn't really question it when he first met you

When he saw you would often click or flick your hands and neck, he'd offer to massage you when it hurt

There has been instances you've accidently slapped him whilst he was moisturising your arm

He laughed whenever you swiped, not because your tic was funny but it was because the face you made whenever it happened

You would look so shocked and guilt, it was almost like the pog face

So when you two were hanging out and your tics became more hyperactive he got concerned

He learned you click your hand more when you're anxious and overwhelmed

"Are you alright? Is the crowd overwhelming you?"

"yeah but it's- it's not just that, things have been really crashing down on me la-lately."

He quickly pulled out from the crowded area, avoiding his adoring fans as he kept you close to his side

"just talk to me if you're comfortable, I'll always listen to you, we can get through things together."

Beezlebub:

Was concerned when you ended up slapping your face or when you suddenly jerked to the side

Tried to stop you but you explained to him how bad it can be to repress and stop your tics

Still has a habit of putting his arm or body in the way incase it happens

Finding out about your vocal tics was much more easier, he didn't question when you suddenly would qoute things or say something rude

He's worried you'll get hurt but is trying to educate himself more and more

But due to this he's always watching you from the side of his eye and immediately noticed you were becoming overwhelmed

"Do you need something?"

"just really anxious at the moment - I'm trying not- not to show it but it's making it worse."

"Anything I can do? If it's studies or demons I can take care of it, just trust in me."

You explained what's been eating at you and he is immediately on board to help

Belphegor:

Was surprised but he clung near you so often he got use to quickly

Your tic to suddenly flip people off was amusing, you'd get embarassed by it

He'd flip demons off with you

Does try to comfort you and not feel ashamed

Once did try to overwhelm you to see what would happen but immediately regretted it after seeing you, you didn't talk to him for almost 2 weeks

He made sure to never do that again

Is genuinely very supportive other than that instance and does feel really bad about it

But of course, having first hand experience with the signs and experience of seeing you extremely emotionally worked up

He quickly saw patterns in your latest behaviours and how frequent your tics acted up

"You're overwhelmed, I thought cuddles were going to help."

"I can't get in the right mindset... everything is so stressful and- and I can't just- I can't keep doing what people- people want- people want from me!"

"You don't have to do anything when you're with me, I'm a top student anyway so if it's studies related just cheat off me."

[carnalhaus]

Infodump abt your proxy oc PLEASE

y’all r really abt to make me act up 😳😳😳 watch out ur gonna make me ramble about all my ocs and ur gonna have to sit thru all of it

but fr when people genuinely want to hear about my ocs my heart flutters, like i can’t fathom people actually liking my creations lmao (especially since i’m dramatic and put a piece of myself into each one) so thank u ❤️❤️ i’m not gonna go into everything rn but i will go on and on about random details, so without further ado here’s me infodumping about my proxy oc

her name is recess hill !! yes that’s her real name and it’s on her birth certificate, her first name is recess and her last name is hill (her middle name is genevieve !!)

her “code name” or “proxy name” is tagalong. it started out as a nickname but it just stuck.

she’s about 19 ? probably a little older at this point, but she was 19 when she went missing aka she became a proxy

she’s pretty quiet and mild mannered, but she always has a really intense expression. she’s usually pretty nervous, and gets jumpy when you do something like call her name, you always have to verbally let her know that she’s not in trouble. she’s trying to get better with it, considering she’s not held down by her mother anymore, but progress is slow sometimes. overall she’s a pretty sweet girl, just shy.

something special about her though is her unbreakable resilience, growing up the way she did leaves way for a lot of pent up anger, so even though she doesn’t show it often, she’s extremely stubborn and absolutely refuses to give up (that’s literally the sole reason she was chosen in the first place)

she’s very socially awkward but you can tell she’s doing her best, she usually comes off as overbearing because she tries so hard, but she loosens up a lot more once she realizes you’re being patient with her

she has tourettes !! yes that is absolutely me projecting, i felt lonely with toby being the only character i’ve seen that has traits like me, so i decided hey, what’s the harm in giving recess a little spice ??? she mostly has vocal tics where she says a word in a high pitched voice and sorta buffers. whenever she does it, she shakes her head to the side violently a few times and sometimes shoots out an arm or a leg. she gets a lot of neck pain from it but otherwise it doesn’t inhibit her or anything.

she doesn’t listen to girl in red but she DOES listen to bikini kill ... iykyk

her main weapons are a shotgun and a pistol. considering she was taught to shoot at a young age, she actually has pretty good aim. that doesn’t mean she likes shooting though, she would prefer not to hurt people but you gotta do what you gotta do when you’re being harassed by an unfathomable godless entity.

yes she’s part of the boys group. it’s not a romantic thing, it’s a familial dynamic. she’s the baby as well, so they’re kinda mother hens with her. well tim and brian at least, toby is more like her doting brother. with them she’s actually learned how to cut loose. (they found out she didn’t do normal kid things like rollerskate, trespass, have sleepovers, or watch cartoons, and they’ve been dedicated to helping her live a little ever since)

speaking of which, her “role” is to basically act as a vessel for the operators messages in a way. she’s the one that kind of puts orders into words. she gets these visions where her whole body goes rigid, her nose gushes blood, and her right eye flickers upwards. it’s scary for her and it’s scary to watch, but she’s not physically harmed much. she does get nightmares frequently because of it though, plus a lil dizziness from blood loss. she isn’t the strongest or the smartest, but she’s able to endure the mental toll that comes with experiencing those vivid visions, thus why she’s important.

she was raised in the middle of nowhere in the midwest by her conservative god-fearing mother in a little white house on a farm, she was homeschooled her whole life and was pretty sheltered

she had like one friend which is a girl who lived down the street named thea, thea’s dad was really sweet to her, he taught her how to play guitar, shoot a gun, fix a car, etc. since her mom wouldn’t let her (she thought that kinda stuff was too manly) and he’s the one who initially lighted that spark of rebelliousness in her

because of her mom, she only really owns dresses and skirts. she was taught that women should only wear skirts and all that bullshit, but even after she was freed from her mother, she kept wearing them. she felt that she shouldn’t wear skirts because she’s a girl, but because they make her comfortable. though when she doesn’t wear dresses, she wears baggy men’s clothing. it’s cozy and easy to find.

she rlly likes riot grrrl and punk rock type music, it was the only kind of music she was exposed to besides country. she wanted to be a lead guitarist and singer in a band one day when she was a kid.

her whole aesthetic is very heavily related to the kinderwhore style. i chose it for her bc kinderwhore basically represents taking the feminine good-girl aesthetic (something that tends to constrain a lot of women), and turning it into something to be empowered by. something that stood out to me while i was researching was the fact that these kinderwhore girls were described as confident, gruff, abrasive, loud-mouthed, and strong while they were performing on stage despite their feminine appearance. i felt like it fit her bc femininity is something that’s always loomed over her bc of her mother’s influence, so taking that aspect and subverting it is something that would help her grow more as a person (plus it just resonated with me personally bc i like being an angry woman lol)

if you want her general vibes, just look at 90’s kathleen hanna, courtney love, and kat bjelland, with a modern hint of nicole dollanganger

her entire concept is basically supposed to embody my personal struggle with womanhood. as a kid i was one of those girls that always hung out with boys, picked up worms, threw sticks at people, collected cicada shells, ran around in the woods, scraped my knees, etc, but i was also really girly. as i grew up, i was taught it wasn’t right for me to be dressing so feminine when i was so ornery and rowdy. as a result, i repressed that femininity. again, as i got older and learned from older women i knew, i figured out that nobody fucking cares, and i shouldn’t either. femininity shouldn’t be defined by gentleness and submissiveness, femininity can be whatever the fuck i want it to be. i wanted to channel all of that into recess, and use her to express a special part of myself while also throwing her into a fandom i love to bits.

in summary: midwestern farm girl turned gunslinging proxy in a vintage babydoll dress

[johnnyprofane1]

How to Get Diagnosed #ActuallyAutistic in Just 26 Years

First off, this is not a poor-me story.This is a journey to #AutisticJoy story…

I’m a singer/songwriter, pretend Rock Star with a decent following… after at least 5 other careers.

I’m also #ActuallyAutistic. Or my fave hashtag… #AutisticAF.

Two most frequent private-message questions I get?

Not about lyrics, my guitar playing, or even my mohawk…

1. Could I be autistic?

2. Should I get a diagnosis?

Well, here’s my way-long, way-detailed, way genuinely autistic answer…

I was born in 1953. Long before autism or Asperger’s were widely discussed in medicine or popular culture. More or less, just beginning in the 70s.

At least by 1957, at 4, I knew I was “different.” Family and neighbor kids told me so.

A lot.

In kindergarten, a teacher reported I was unusually creative, but “stayed to myself.” After 2nd grade intelligence testing, I was tagged “gifted.”

But my behavior was “odd.” Solitary. Formal in speech, a know-it-all. “Insensitive to context,” liked talking and playing in class. “Inattentive” to lessons.

I had one close friend at a time… In fact, only one I remember in all of primary school. In 4th & 5th grade. Jeff.

Wonder what he’s been up to the last 56 years…

My intelligence: uneven. My reading skills were off the chart, but verbal learning, most of education at the time, was difficult for me. Math tested high, but I was so impulsive on quizzes, I needed remedial classes.

Tests were a silly game to me. It was fun to be the first-one-done. I couldn’t have cared less about grades. I’m a process-, not results-oriented guy.

And most glaring? I was disliked, even hated, by schoolmates, cousins, perhaps even parents.

I was a target for mockery, hate speech, bullying, physical and sexual attack, and later molestation. And universal disappointment: “You’re not living up to your potential.”

A history of dozens of jobs, dozens of relocations, lost years in a cult, lost years in badly matched relationships…

And honestly? A history of causing great pain to others. Inadvertently perhaps, but not always. Then circling back to the couple of decades in what most would label a “cult…”

Something was just not right with this picture.

I first sought diagnosis at 17 following suicide attempt #1 in 1970. The experience was horrific.

I felt badgered by the therapist, “I know you have a secret you want to tell me.” I wanted so badly to please her. But had no idea what I was feeling, much less why.

As still happens under great stress, I temporarily lost language ability. I became mute. Which has several times been interpreted as “resistance,” “guardedness,” or even “passive aggression” by “helping” professionals.

I didn’t try therapy again until my first year in grad school, 1980. The psychiatrist summarily dismissed me without a plan when I didn’t respond to imipramine (an anti-depressant)– possibly I pissed him off. I seem to have a talent for stepping on therapist toes.

But in 1991, I entered the mental health system and essentially never left. Every new psychiatrist, psychologist, therapeutic social worker confidently diagnosed me… with something entirely different.

Between 1991 and 2016, I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder, major depression, type II Bipolarity, rapid cycling bipolarity, malingering, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorder NOS (including discussion of multiplicity), PTSD….

There have been additional discussions of various anxiety disorders (especially social anxiety), attention deficit, schizophrenia, TIAs, stroke damage…

Pretty sure I’m leaving a few out.

With each new diagnosis, each and every professional confidently told me he or she had nailed it.

This time…

And they could help.

I was medicated accordingly with imipramine, Prozac and all the modern SSRIs, Welbutrin, Effexor, Lithium, depakote, tegretol, gabapentin, klonapin, lorazepam, respirdal, the occasional syringe of haldol, provigil and other narcolepsy drugs, sleep aids, supplements like fish oil, more I’ve forgotten….

And offered suggestions of Abilify, Seroquel, other anti-psychotics, electro-shock (ECT)…

As well as therapies including Jungian, supportive, interpersonal, analytical, psychodynamic, cognitive, task-centered, solution focused, dialectical behavior, cognitive behavioral…

I was myself a counselor from 2001 to 2011. Strange, but true.

Not one of these interventions helped me materially.

Not one.

And I experienced some very concerning side effects: tics, emotional numbness, difficulty thinking, feeling like a stranger in a strange mind. I totally gave up on treatment and medication in 2011. Bouts of suicidality ensued.

A very few friends and one wife threw the term autistic around over the years, but I never followed up. It seemed so unlikely. I was so bright. So articulate. Even somewhat successful… for a few months at a time.

And without conscious awareness, I had become adept at hiding the fact I was actually dysfunctional… perhaps the majority of the time.

Plus, I could pass for “normal” by masking… when not under stress. I learned by junior high to practice my favorite classmates’ neurotypical behavior in the bathroom mirror. Hide stimming, meltdowns, panic attacks, the total autistic burnouts lasting sometimes months, years…

In 2011, the intimacy of the most successful relationship of my life forced me to look inwardly as deeply as I could in order to avoid losing my third wife. (We are still together, deeply in love, but live in separate houses a few hundred feet apart. She needs breaks from my intensity. I find even her company exhausting after a few hours.)

My now-third wife had a family member with “high-functioning” autism, what we used to call Asperger’s (and what we now call, simply, autism). Watching this young boy negotiate his world was like watching myself in a magnifying mirror.

We had so many behaviors in common. Mine were just somewhat better disguised. With my wife’s encouragement in 2012, I began reading articles, books, online forums…

In 2016, when we separated briefly, I finally re-entered therapy. This time, I contacted various experts in adult autism through Indiana University’s Indiana Institute For Disabilities Community (IIDC).

Bingo.

Every symptom…Explained.

Every “flaw” in my character… traced back to this pervasive developmental diagnosis.

I am making progress in a kind of task-oriented counseling. Working on strategies to accommodate characteristics that just ain’t gonna change…

But the key gifts that external, credible diagnosis gave me:

Accepting I really am different, with very different needs from neurotypical folks.

Providing for those needs, as I discovered them. For instance, understanding my “special interests” are not hobbies. They are central to my survival. My job.

Reducing stimulation, sensory & social. Accepting I will have few intimate relationships in my life and becoming cautious about “friendships,” only those few folks who take the long, long journey to know and like me. After a lifetime naively assuming each new stranger was a new friend, my motto became, “Don’t like me? Don’t hang.”

Spending unashamed time… alone. I have a radical need for autonomy, while simultaneous difficulty managing independence when any other human is present. As much as I crave intimacy, I must manage my time with humans. Say less than 5 minutes with a stranger before anxiety or panic sets in, maybe 2 hours with my wife. Which brings me to…

Over the last few years, I’ve not only experienced reduction in anxiety, depression, suicidality, dissociation, night terrors, meltdowns, panic… I’ve come to realize my natural state.

Finding love. My neurotypical wife and I respect, admire, encourage, and desire one another. Pretty much a first for me.

Autistic joy.

Not disease…

Joy.

When I’m creating words or music, walking alone in Nature, watering my garden, cooking, fermenting pickles, making bread, decorating, yard sale-ing, reading, loving my pets, meditating, even shaving…

I’m in the flow.

There is no time. There is no space. No surroundings. No memory. No pain. Just lizard-warming-in-the-sun…

Joy.

Everything that restricts that joy? Gotta go. Good riddance…

So, diagnosis?

Yeah.

That’s my story.

And this time, I’m sticking to it.

[poppyknitt]

Thank you.

All of you have done so much good, I can’t even put it into words.

However, since I do have a bit of a story to tell, to sort of explain part of why I say this, and also to show how far I’ve come since I made this account, back in august, 2016, I will give you that.

In the last two weeks of March, 2017, I was given medications for my depression. To help them work, my anxiety medications’ dosage was halved.

The medications I was already on had a possible side effect of causing twitching, with symptoms similar to, but not unlike that of tic disorders like tourette syndrome and chronic tic disorder, so I might as well have just walked in and said “hey! why not fuck up my head a bit?” or something, because that’s basically the consequence of those six weeks of hell.

By the end, I couldn’t get through the day without at least one panic attack over my grades, band class, or a sudden inability to think anything but the repeating thought of “I can’t think, I can’t think, I can’t even fucking think!” (which is apparently a symptom of anxiety, so I literally was panicking over my own fucking anxiety-). So, that, and the fact that my adhd medicines (the other meds with that side effect I mentioned) weren’t working anymore, I was taken off of them before we could even see if they were helping me. That incident vastly increased the speed at which my anxiety has been getting worse, and on top of that, after only three or four weeks on them, I’d developed a tic that I would go on to blame on my adhd from then until I finally researched what tics actually were- A sort of thing triggered by immense levels of fidgeting that made me hand sort of... spazz out. I wasn’t, and still can’t control it. Thankfully, though, that tic doesn’t come up as much as the others I’ve developed over these past (almost) two years.

After that, in late august that year, a close friend i’d only met a few weeks before, in june or july, found my discord account, and started harassing me and another friend, because we were somewhat crushing on each other, and he also liked me. This is another thing I loosely refer to as “The Incident”, though, a lot of times, i just call it the Stalker Incident, because that’s what it felt like at the time.

My anxiety and depression tanked.

But that was also because that school year, although I tried to pull myself together to get it right, was the worst one of my life so far. My band teacher, whom I would later, in the late weeks of spring of this year, discover could be classified as an emotional/verbal abuser of not only me, but everyone in his classes, was finally in his second year of working at my school, and he was even worse than the year before. That was really bad to me, because I had his class two times a day, and, even, before the end of the first two semesters, in November and December, three times a day.

Basically, what he did to teach was he would constantly look for even the slightest of mistakes, and with the students who were unlucky enough to not be his favorites, a lot of times even just ignore whatever minor improvements you made. I was the worst affected, probably because I was already technically being physically and mentally abused at home (though, I didn’t know, and I still sorta deny that it was abuse at all, because sadly, even though it’s a fucked up fact, that’s just how you react to being abused by a family member...), although not as often, and also because of the two previous incidents that increased my anxiety a shit ton and tanked my depression a fuckload. It didn’t help that my parents constantly turned blind eyes to the case I had at home, and they didn’t have enough education on the symptoms of non-physical abuse on the mind to be able to recognize that something just wasn’t right. But, of course, because of a lot of the shit that happened previously during my hellish middle school life, I’d learned not to trust the word of the adults in my life, nor to trust them to take action whenever I expressed that something needed a drastic change, because it just wasn’t right. So, of course, I wasn’t just about to tell them my teacher was abusing me.

Anyways, so, yet again, I found that by the end of March, last year, I was right back in the same place as I had been during the six weeks- Not going a day without at least one or two minor panic attacks. At that point, I basically thought it was normal to have a tiny bit of panic every day, so I didn’t really stop to think “Oh, fuck, this is really bad, I should get help for this”, until like, late April or early May, when I broke down in literal tears because I couldn’t get even one little, 4-beat rhythm exactly right every single time I played it, and I was afraid I’d be yelled at again over it. Keep in mind, I was the best percussionist, out of 4, so he was probably way harder on me than the others for that reason. It was at that point that my friends started offering for me to help them take him to court a second time in two years over his treatment of the students. The first time he went to court was because he allegedly strangled an 8th grader back in the 2016-2017 school year. Charges were dropped on the first case for some reason (I blame misogyny and white supremacy, especially because this was in a small community of narcissistic, racist southern white people who were mostly conservatives, even if they didn’t think they were. if you can’t tell, i hate my hometown.), but I haven’t heard anything on the more recent one, since I transferred to a school in the neighboring city to escape my bullies and the hellish band teacher, both of which usually harassed me in the band room, but some of whom also extended to the other classes.

I had to quit percussion because I can’t go into the setup of a band room anymore without having a minor panic attack. Percussion was literally the only thing I consistently looked forwards to in middle school, because I could never rely on my friends to be there every day of every week in those three years, and I also barely actually had a chance to see any of them and enjoy their company. So, uh, yeah, I was pretty upset that I couldn’t bear the thought of playing in a band room anymore.

Once I was out of school that summer, everything changed for the better, because I had gotten accepted into the highschool I applied to. No more unknowingly abusive band teachers. Hell, not even any unintentionally abusive brothers, either, because he was going off to college. I don’t think I should have to explain how my brother was abusive, seeing as he literally didn’t seem to care about me at all until he got bored, and would proceed to hurt or terrorize me for fun, and laugh when I looked like I was going to have a heart attack, for fear of getting seriously injured. Sure, he didn’t give that many visible injuries, but that doesn’t mean shit in abuse cases. Abuse is abuse, no matter how many physical injuries are involved. There’s a reason there’s shit categorized as “emotional” and “verbal” abuse, dumbass. (sorry to those who knew that, I’m just trying to give the ignorant fucktards a little subtle warning before they send me an aggressive “oh, but it’s not really abuse if-“ bullshit ask or something. though, considering that they clearly wouldn’t know abuse when they see it, and think that just because there’s no visual physical wounds, it isn’t abuse, I doubt they’d even get that I was telling them to fuck off.)

So, basically, last summer was like, a godsend. The school year had left me truly hating myself for literally the first time ever in my life, and so, since my appearance was one thing I hated, I chose to dye my hair black, and get a new hairstyle, one I’d never had before (t was unintentionally not what I had imagined, but at the same time, I still liked it better than my usual). That saw my depression leaving me alone to the point that for the first time in literal years, I finally wouldn’t be able to say “I can’t remember what happiness feels like” without it being a lie anymore. I finally made progress to getting better, because I was nearly free of the things that plagued me in every year of my life up until then.

For the first time in my life, it seemed, I was finally being shown that I was capable of happiness, which, of course I had started to doubt before then.

School started.

I met @chaoticcrimsonrose , and, I also finally managed to fall in love without loosing the feelings a week or so later, all in the same day (I still am in love with that wonderful girl, though, we aren’t exactly a thing yet). I’m not gonna go into that, though, because that’s not the point.

The point of this next section is that Crimson reintroduced me to the Jacksepticeye and Markiplier fandoms. I had sort of been in them since 2013 or 2014, but I had only ever watched Mark’s five nights at freddy’s videos, and Jack’s undertale, as well as a few other videos from their channels on occasion (Plus, I didn’t actually realize there were fandoms for the boys until then). Since then, I’ve met so many wonderful, amazing people full of positivity and love for one another, and really, I honestly had the most fun in the last four or five months of 2018 that I think I’ve ever had. Hell, even now, and back in early October, when my depression spiked back up, and came back to shoot me straight through the head, I’m still enjoying myself every time I go on tumblr or discord, because of the wonderful people in their communities.

Between finding my passion in life, and finally being shown that I actually have talents, and the ones I was ashamed of, such as my art, were so much better than I ever even thought they were, everything started finally going right for me in the end of 2018. And, even if PMA doesn’t help me very much when I’m down, I still love the idea behind it, and I’ll continue to try to spread it, even when I’m down.

I love the communities Mark and Jack have started, and I love the people they’ve become. They’re basically what I’ve been aspiring to be for literal years- that kind, caring person, who doesn’t care for money, and would much rather you help out those in need, than give them free money. On top of that, they’re also amazing storytellers, and have such wild, cryptic imaginations. (I’ve actually been told by Crimson many times that I remind her of their creating/writing styles, and especially of the cryptic bullshit they do, which I find hilarious, because of how long I went without knowing about those facets of their personalities. Quite the coincidence, don’t you think?)

Anyways, to sum it up, I guess i’m just saying I’m so glad I found this place when I did; there literally couldn’t have been a better time for me to start meeting more people on the internet who truly care, that i’m not worried about telling all this to, because I know no one here will judge me for things that are out of my control. (And, well, considering how unpredictable the environment I’ve grown up in could get at any moment, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve sorta learned I don’t really have that much control over my life anymore (Thus the cryptic “i have no control” post i made yesterday or something, when i sorta started realizing just how little i actually do have, just to see if i freaked anyone out)-)

Thank you all,

for being so kind and welcoming and accepting.

Thank you all,

for being supportive and helpful to those who need input or hugs.

Thank you, all, so much,

for just being so wonderful. I don’t know where I would be without these communities.

(though, knowing how low I’ve sunken since thanksgiving, I might not’ve made it to 2019... so... yeah, really, huge thanks to all of you-)

———

Extra special appreciation:

@chaoticcrimsonrose - Thank you, so much, for being the person to show me these communities, and help me get more invested in things. You’re basically the kind of sibling I’ve always wished to have, and I couldn’t thank you more for being who you are so much. Also, another thing: The SDS really was your greatest idea. We’ve all only been on it for a few days, but... Holy shit, man, we’re all basically a family on there, and I love that. I don’t know what it would be like for me if we didn’t have the server, but honestly, I don’t want to know, either.

@rorald-spooks - Thank you, for being such a goofy doofus and always being there to cheer me up with your stupid cryptic dumbassery, no matter what I’m saying or feeling.

@startschantingpma - connie you’re a hecking idiot but ily because you’re awesome at what you do and deserve all the hugs-

@tiny-septic-puppet - Good god, man, we’ve come so far. I still vividly remember the day Crimson told me she’d been sending you my fics, and you’d been really enjoying them. That was so amazing to hear. But, like, to think we’ve now gotten to the point that you’re basically like a father to me is... really weird, but also fucking awesome. Ily, dad, don’t stop being epic.

@doodle-min : Mom, holy shit, you’re like, so amazing. I’m so glad we met, and I’m excited to go into 2019 with you and the rest of our wacky discord family. I really hope you keep up your awesome streak of the thing you mentioned, and I hope life keeps getting better and better for you; you deserve every bit of happiness.

@oliverissad - OLLIIIEEEEEE!!!! ILY!!! START TAKING BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE OTHERWISE IMMA HUNT YOU DOWN AND HUG YOU TILL YOU UN-SADIFY OKAY?! that goes for the rest of you doofuses too!!! >:v

@og-wilford-warfstache-discord - Fuck you! Don’t you “heh” me! Ily wilf okay don’t ever doubt that or imma take a page from moms book and imma slap you with cheese damn it-

@singular-dorito - UNC SCHNEP!! what? yeah idk i’m running out of unique things to say to appreciate people, whoops. but ye same goes for you as it does the rest of the fam-

and the rest of the SDS family, because i didn’t get any tumblr tags from the others- i lOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU PLS DONT HURT YOURSELF OKAY YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

@antis-loyal-puppet , as well as everyone on the jacksepticeye writing discord- Thank you all, for being so supportive of me, and being such a joy to have around. You’re all fuckin amazing, and I wouldn’t trade our friendships for the world.

And of course, I’d also like to thank Jack and Mark for being such amazing people, and being the whole reason I even know any of the dumb idiots I’ve tagged or mentioned in this post. You guys are killin the game!

<3

i love all of you idiots. stay as pos as you can. i know way too well how hard it can be to do that, so, just,,, keep on tryin, mates, you deserve every bit of happiness if you’re reading this, even if I’ve never even once spoken to you or interacted with your stuff.

[furinjuru]

Our Sea Of Today - Chapter 15 - Impact

Weekly updates! Vague relationships! Thinly veiled angst! And more! On this week’s chapter.

Dia whistles softly as the three members of Aqours step out into the field, sunlight warming her body. They had decided to get some fresh air before doing final preparations, something that in Dia’s opinion was a waste of time. Now that she’s out here, however, it does feel nice. She wishes they’ll be able to hold a performance out here soon.

“It’s a nice day, isn’t it?” Yoshiko asks while staring directly at the sun, no clouds obstructing her view. As always, Dia quickly takes action.

 “Don’t do that, you’ll ruin your eyesight.”

 “Okay, mom.” Dia scowls. “I’m just happy...that my bad luck isn’t so bad today.”

 “Bad luck?” Chika asks. “What do you mean by that?” Yoshiko visibly flinches at the question.

 “Nothing. What do you mortals call it again...a Freudian slip, that’s what it was.” Chika continues staring at her until she relents with a sigh. “Just...something that happens occasionally.” More like every time. “Usually it would rain whenever I want to do something outdoors.”

 “Oh.” Chika nods, putting on a thoughtful expression. “I see. So...in other words.” Chika poses the way Yoshiko would whenever she’s in fallen angel mode. “A god has cursed you since birth, sending holy water from the heavens in order to keep your power in check.” She says with a knowing smile gracing her features. “Did I get that right?”

 “Huh?” Yoshiko blushes at Chika’s fallen angel act. Somehow, it makes her seem a lot cooler than usual. “T-that’s the gist of it, yes.”

 “Then don’t worry!” Chika giggles. “You can borrow some of my good luck!”

 “What?” The idea is absolutely insane, even by Yoshiko’s standards. Chika is unfazed by Yoshiko’s blatant confusion.

 “And I’m sure Dia wouldn’t mind sharing some of her luck too!” Said dark-haired girl tenses up at her name, then begins to scratch at the mole on her face.

 “I don’t have that much luck either.” She shrugs. “Buuuut, I suppose I can help relieve you of your misfortune.”

 “Wait a second, you two can’t do that,” Yoshiko says indignantly. “It would be unfitting for a fallen angel of my caliber to burden you with such a powerful curse.”

 “Oh?” Chika smirks mischievously. “Are you sure? Aren’t we your little demons? Wasn’t it our job to help you in any way we can?”

 “U-uhm,” Yoshiko stutters, “I changed my mind! Yohane can handle this herself.” She hears Dia sighing.

 “Give up, Chika’s too fired up to quit now.” She smiles as well. “Just accept our gift.”

 “That’s right! So please borrow our power, Yohane-sama!” Chika beams at her, and Yoshiko remembers why she likes Chika so much as her heart threatens to burst out of her chest. She’s so nice! And when Dia is her smiling, more laid-back self, she gives off a similar feeling.

 “...you two are weird. That’s so dumb,” she says, confidence filling her tone. “Fine. If you want it so badly, then Yohane will accept your gift.”

 “Great! And in return,” Chika grabs Yoshiko’s arm and begins dragging her towards the auditorium. “Yohane can help us with preparations. Isn’t that right, Dia?”

 Dia nods, looking as smug as ever. It takes a while for the gears in Yoshiko’s head to begin turning, but when they do she tries to break free of Chika’s grasp. “Y-you tricked me! You can have your stupid luck back.”

 “Sorry, no refunds,” Dia answers seriously. “You’ll just have to suck it up.”

 Yoshiko sighs as Chika continues to lead her by the arm, trying not to focus on the physical contact. “I don’t feel very lucky right now.”

 “I do~,” Chika says in a sing-song tone. “I know something good’s gonna happen! I can just feel it. No bad luck here.”

 Even though that sounds like the opposite of Yoshiko’s experiences throughout her life, she can’t help but smile at her friend’s optimism. “We’ll see.”

 ---------------

 “There you are!”

 The three first-years had been walking aimlessly when someone approaches You from behind, putting their hands on her shoulder. As the three turn to face the newcomer, You smiles brightly while the other two stare at her in awe.

 “Kanan-chan!” You greets the blue-haired girl, shocking Hanamaru with how informally she addressed her.

 “You-chan.” She returns the smile before turning her gaze towards Ruby, the redhead letting out a squeak as she locks eyes with Kanan. “Ruby-chan, good to see you. It’s been a while since we talked normally, hasn’t it?”

 “Y-yes!” She stutters. “Uhh, it’s been a while, Kanan-san.” Kanan chuckles, causing Ruby to turn bright red.

 “You don’t have to be so formal, Ruby-chan. Dia isn’t here right now.” Ruby nods, and Kanan finally turns towards the last person. She remains silent, putting on a contemplative expression while Hanamaru sweats under the attention. Then, Kanan snaps her fingers. “Then you must be Kunikida-san, am I right?”

 “Yes, I’m Kunikida Hanamaru. Pleased to meet you, zura.” The words hang in the air as Hanamaru processes what she had said. “Wait, I meant-”

 “Don’t worry, it’s your verbal tic, right? I know about it.” Kanan walks towards her, offering her hand, which Hanamaru takes. “Matsuura Kanan, although I guess you already knew that. I’ve heard a lot of things about you.”

 “Really, zura?” Hanamaru looks happy, but You notices that Ruby is sweating profusely.

 “Yep!” Kanan says, grinning. “Ruby talked about you a lot whenever I came over. A lot.” She emphasizes.

 “Kanan-chan, please don’t....” Ruby moans, covering her reddening face with her hand. Hanamaru looks equally embarrassed. The reactions only fuel Kanan to continue.

 “Did you know that the reason Ruby wanted to be moved up a year was so she can be in the same year as you?” Kanan asks, the teasing smile still etched on her face. Now even more embarrassed, Ruby launches herself at Kanan, trying to cover her mouth using her hands.

 “Don’t listen to her, Hanamaru-chan! Kanan-chan, you’re just a big liar. I never said anything like that!” She shouts, eliciting loud laughter from Kanan. “Stop laughing, this isn’t funny.”

 “It’s kind of funny,” Kanan replies, out of breath from laughing so much. “You’re a lot more forward nowadays, aren’t cha?”

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ruby pouts, crossing her arms.

 Kanan hums, ruffling Ruby’s hair as the redhead tries to maintain a neutral expression. “Yeah, you’re kinda like your sister in that way. I just hope you don’t become as much of a workaholic as she is.”

 “I’ll keep that in mind,” Ruby says genuinely. “Thanks, Kanan-chan!”

 “Of course, Ruby-chan. Anything for my favorite underclassman.”

 “Wait a minute, favorite?” You interrupts, seeming to have taken offense to Kanan’s statement. “What about me?”

 “I don’t even like you most of the time,” Kanan replies jokingly. “Same with Chika. Both of you are too much of a sh- too much to handle most of the time.” She corrects herself after realizing that cursing in front of Ruby is a big no-no.

 “What about Sis?” Ruby asks curiously.

 “Second favorite,” Kanan assures, Ruby giving her a wide smile at the answer. “And Kunikida-san, even though I only met you today, I already like you a lot, so you’re number three.” She then adds, “Especially since Ruby-chan is so fond of you.”

 Ruby hurriedly changes the subject, “By the way, why are you here Kanan-chan? I thought you’d be in the student council room.”

 “Well, You-chan here,” She clasps the girl’s shoulder, “told me she wanted to sign up for the swimming team, but for some reason kept forgetting to take the form from the student council room.”

 “Oh....” Now that You thinks about it, she remembers having a talk like that with Kanan. But the following days were so hectic that she completely forgot about that. “Right. I forgot about that.”

 “And this is why you’re not my favorite underclassman,” Kanan says, laughing at You’s displeasure. “So, you’re still interested, right? I can help you sign up right now.”

 You sighs. “Sure, I guess.” Gleefully, Kanan leads the three first-years towards a nearby booth. After a brief conversation with the girls managing it, they hand You a form and a pen, which she quickly fills out. The process is quick, and when she’s done she can feel an encouraging pat on her back.

 “See, wasn’t that easy?” Kanan asks. “Doesn’t take more than a few minutes. You must’ve been really busy if you can’t even spare that much time to come to the student council room and fill it out.”

 “I wasn’t busy, I just forgot about it,” You says, although both are just as bad.

 “Either way, thanks for joining! And just so you know, I was lying about before. You and Chika are my 35th favorite underclassman.”

 “Thanks, I guess.” Kanan gives her one last pat on the back before walking away.

 “Woah,” Hanamaru whispers. “Matsuura-san is really cool, zura.”

 “You think so?” You shrugs as the three begin to wander around again. “I guess I’m used to hanging out with her, so she isn’t really that cool to me.”

 Still, You remembers when she was younger and saw Kanan as an older role model, unlike Chika who was also older, but not exactly respectable. And at that time, she probably thought Kanan was indeed cool. So Hanamaru does have a point.

 “Did you do something to make her mad? She kept joking about not liking you. I-it was a joke, right zura?”

 “Yeah, it was just a joke.” You waves off the concern. “Plus, it’s not that bad. At least I’m number 35 in her books.”

“Do you know how many first and second-years there are?” You gives her an inquiring look. “36. So the two of you are tied for last.”

 Dammit. She didn’t notice that. Ruby looks like she hadn’t known about it either. “That’s not a lot of people, huh?”

 “No,” Hanamaru says, almost solemnly. “I wonder how many people are gonna apply next year? I hope it’s more than this year.”

 Ruby nods, but seems different, somehow. Like there’s something she’s hiding. Since Dia is her sister, maybe she knows something they don’t?

 “Well, we can only hope for the best, right?” You offers. “It’s a nice place. I’m sure more people will come if they know about it.”

 “Yeah,” Ruby smiles. “You’re right. We shouldn’t be worried; let’s stop talking about this.” “Oh, let’s see the other clubs, zura!” The three of them find themselves agreeing with Hanamaru’s idea, and they continue to walk around, checking out all of the stands and going to the cafeteria when they finally get bored.

 ------------

 Hours pass until Kanan’s voice blares through the school’s sound system, announcing that the club performances are about to begin. Ruby was practically shaking in her seat in anticipation of it, something You found both funny and endearing. They quickly made their way to the auditorium, wanting to get a nice spot to watch from. Luckily, they’re able to stand right in front of the makeshift stage, waiting for the performances to officially start.

 While Ruby excitedly talks with Hanamaru about school idols, You sees a flash of crimson in the corner of her vision. A second-year stands to her left, her red ribbon causing her to stand out in a sea of first-years. You recalls seeing her before, although she struggles to remember her name. “Sakurauchi-san?”

 The crimson-haired girl freezes up, slowly turning her head to the source of the voice. When her eyes meet You’s, she furrows her brow as if attempting to remember her as well. “Watanabe-san?”

 “That’s me!” You grins, trying to lighten up the mood. Riko seems relieved that she got her name right, her shoulders relaxing. “Didn’t expect to see you here. Usually the second-years are the ones running the show.”

 “Well it’s not like I’m a member of a club, so I’m in the same position you are.”

 “Oh, right.” You blushes, sheepishly rubbing her neck. “You’re a new transfer, right? How’s Uranohoshi?”

 Riko shrugs, her gaze wandering back to the stage. “I’ve only been here for a week, so I don’t think I can form a solid opinion on it just yet.”

 “But what’s your first impression?” You asks, hoping that she’s not being too much of a nuisance, especially since they’re pretty much strangers.

 “It’s...different,” Riko mumbles out. “Compared to Tokyo. That’s where I come from. It’s a lot quieter, so I prefer it here.”

 “Oh, so you’re more of a quiet person?” She nods, and You feels even guiltier now. She probably isn’t even interested in talking. But she hopes that Riko will forgive her, because You would rather die than stand awkwardly fiddling her thumbs or third-wheel Hanamaru and Ruby. “I guess you’re pretty close with Kurosawa-san?”

 Riko seems to put some thought before answering. “Somewhat. She’s the one who asked me to watch their performance, but I don’t think she’d consider us as friends. I believe it’s just her showing her appreciation for letting her borrow my piano.”

 “I remember Dia saying that yesterday.” Riko’s eyes snap open, staring at You with a mixture of shock and awe.

 “You’re on a first-name basis with her?”

 You shrugs. “I guess so, but it’s mostly because of Chika.” At that, Riko looks understanding.

 “Well, she’s a nice person, even if she’s a bit too forward.” You nods in agreement. “Her and Yoshiko-san. They’ve both been very kind to me in my first week. Even though I’ve rarely interacted with people other than those three, they seem to be nice.”

 Before You can respond, the sound of a microphone turning on from somewhere fills the room. In the middle of talking, more first-years have entered the room, but there’s still a lot of empty space. Once everyone is quiet, the blonde headmistress from before steps up on stage. Her smile wavers slightly when she sees the number of people in front of her, but it quickly returns twice as strong. “Everyone! Good morning! I hope you’ve all had a shiny day.”

 Murmurs of confusion spread through the small crowd, which are quickly silenced when the headmistress continues. “As you can see, we have a few very beautiful performances from the clubs of Uranohoshi. First, let’s give a round of applause for the Choir Club!” She exits the stage as another group steps up. Hanamaru’s paying extra attention to them, as she’s considering whether or not it’s worth it to join.

 Club after club finishes up their demonstrations, all of them eliciting a positive response. Hanamaru says that she’ll join the choir, but might join other clubs that pique her interest. Ruby is still restless, while Riko looks...bored?

 But finally, it’s time for the performance they’ve been waiting for. The curtains part and three girls step forward. Chika stands in the middle, Dia to her right, and Yoshiko to her left. She hears Ruby letting out a shocked gasp when they walk out in their outfits, and You admits that she’s also surprised by how good it looks. It seems like all the effort she and Yoshiko put into it didn’t go to waste. Riko, however, seems concerned more than anything else. “Aren’t those skirts way too short?”

 “I think they’re wearing shorts underneath.” You says, although warmth spreads to her cheeks as she imagines what a disaster that could be.

 Chika steps forward, drawing the stares of everyone in the crowd as she does so. “We’re school idols. The three of us are...” She pauses, and when she continues all three of them speak at the same time. “Aqours! We’re pleased to make your acquaintance.”

 “Today, we’re going to be performing a song for everyone. Please listen.” She nods towards the person managing the sound, and the three of them get into position. She holds her breath, waiting in anticipation until the first notes ring out.

 “Sparkle! I noticed the new thrill in my heart. Because of you, standing there in front of me.”

 --------

 “As long as I’ve got love, I’ll be okay!”

 The music fades out as the three idols pose one last time, panting quietly. Ruby is the first to clap, then You and Hanamaru. Riko stares on in amazement before she remembers to clap as well, and finally, the applause spreads through the room. Chika turns around to face the other two, and from You’s position she can barely hear what she says.

 “See?” She exclaims. “What did I tell you? No bad luck here!” You smiles at that, watching the three girls on stage grinning ear-to-ear. They face the crowd and bow before leaving the stage.

 “Hey Ruby?” The redhead stares at You. “I’m gonna go for a bit, can you watch my spot?” She nods, You saying a quick thanks before running off backstage.

 “Good luck!” She hears Chika shout to the next club. Her eyes light up with joy when she sees You. “You, come here!”

 She doesn’t have to, though; Chika runs over to her, pulling her into a big hug. “Ew, gross, you’re all sweaty.” Chika frowns, but continues to hug You. Dia and Yoshiko approach her as well, clearly satisfied with their performance.

 “So, did you see us?” Chika asks. “Did we wow you? Did you immediately think ‘I want to join this club right now’?”

 You giggles, nodding to all of Chika’s questions. “Alright, I get it. I’m gonna join the club.”

 “Thank you so much!” Chika hugs her even tighter, and Yoshiko decides to join in on the hug. After some prodding, Dia joins in as well. “Let’s commemorate the occasion. Let’s take a picture together! Hey, Mutsu!” A brown-haired girl turns around to face them. “Can you take a picture of us?”

 “Sure!” She smiles, walking over to them. “Uhm, whose phone should I use?”

 “Here, use mine.” You hands over her phone as they get into position, Chika in the very middle. They take a few pictures before Mutsu returns You’s phone. “Thanks a lot!”

 “No problem. That was a great show, you three. Keep it up!” She congratulates the three school idols before walking away, helping her friends manage the other performances.

 “I’ll send you three the pictures later, okay?” You says.

 “Perfect! I’ll add you to the group chat, and....” She trails off, realization slowly dawning on her face. “I left the sign-up form on the stand...I’ll give it to you tomorrow?”

“Sure, I’ll be heading back out now.” She runs back, returning to where the rest of her friends are. She thanks Ruby for guarding her spot before turning her attention to the stage. The Drama Club had already started their act, performing a short play that helped soothe everyone’s nerves after the energetic live.

 But as the performances wind down, You notices something odd. It started off as a small suspicion that grew as more clubs took their turn. By the time all of the performances are finished and Mari goes back on stage to end off the day on a high note, she knows that something is wrong.

 Yoshiko has a lot of explaining to do.

 ------------

 “And then, did you see how high we jumped? I’m so glad we decided to wear shorts.”

 After saying their goodbyes to the others, Yoshiko and You walk towards the bus stop together, although for Yoshiko it seemed more like a march. The earlier success has kept her mood high, and even after the tiring performance she seems energetic, like she’s ready to do it again.

 The same couldn’t be said about You. The energetic girl is deep in thought, too calm compared to her usual personality. Eventually, Yoshiko couldn’t take it. “Okay, what gives?”

 “Huh?” The pair stops walking as they reach the bus stop. Yoshiko looks at You expectantly. “Sorry, I guess I’m a bit out of it.”

 “What’s wrong?” She asks, and You can’t tell whether Yoshiko is irate, concerned, or something entirely different. “Aren’t you happy? We did it, You. Our hard work didn’t go to waste. Everyone was talking about us. So what gives?”

 You stays silent at first, but eventually reveals the question on her mind. “Are you actually happy, Yoshiko-chan?”

 “What?” Yoshiko stares at You as if she was crazy. “Of course I am! What would make you think that I’m unhappy?”

 “You’re a member of the Supernatural Activity Club, aren’t you? That’s what you told me.” Yoshiko grimaces. “I noticed that the club didn’t have a stand or a performance. It’s like you’re giving up on it.”

 “Well, you’re not that far off,” Yoshiko answers with a sigh. The bus arrives, and they quickly get on. It’s a bit more crowded than usual as people return home from work, but luckily, their usual seats are empty. “Don’t think too much about it. The club’s gonna get disbanded, even if I did do something. It wasn’t exactly popular.”

 You continues to ask questions. “Why? I thought you liked being in that club.”

 “I-I do, but...I just didn’t have time to get anything ready. I barely finished the outfits for the performance on time, do you really think I had time to set up something?”

 “You could’ve asked for my help.”

 “Well, I didn’t want your help.” You flinches. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I mean, it doesn’t involve you, so I didn’t want you to work overtime just to help with the club.”

 “I wouldn’t have minded,” You argues. “I had a lot of free time.”

 “And I know that,” Yoshiko replies, her tone exasperated. “You’re really nice, You. And it kinda felt like I’d be using you. You’re already a big help with Aqours, I couldn’t bother you with something so selfish like my own club.”

 “Because it doesn’t involve me?” Yoshiko nods. “So would it be fine if it did involve me?”

 Yoshiko faces You, her expression unreadable. “What do you mean by that?”

 “Weeellll.” You smiles. “I’d be splitting my time between swimming, Aqours, and this, but I want to help you with the Supernatural Club, too. It seems like fun.”

 Yoshiko goes silent, then looks away from You. “...are you sure?”

 “Yep!” You places her hand on Yoshiko’s shoulder, causing her to return her gaze to You.

 “I feel like I don’t deserve to be this selfish.”

 “Now you’re just spouting nonsense.” You shakes her head. “You’re the exact opposite of selfish. I mean, look at everything you did for Aqours! You deserve to be selfish every once in a while.”

 You pulls back. “Besides, I like spending time with you. It’ll be fun, okay? For now, it’ll just be the two of us. I’ll make you an angel outfit that you can use for the club, or something.”

 Yoshiko snorts at the weird nickname You’s given her. “I’m a fallen angel, get it right.” Yoshiko opens her bag and pulls out a sheet of paper, handing it to you. “The club form. Just write down your name there,” She says, also handing You a pen. “...thanks You.”

 You signs her name on the paper, increasing the number of members from one to two.

 “That’s what friends are for, right?”

A single drop of a smile

Diffuses into happiness

[gamejumps]

this has been collecting dust in my drafts for awhile now SO

here’s ~65 headcanons about turbo~ that no one asked for

Body and Appearance

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Are they heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

turbo stands at a whopping 5′0. incredibly tall, i know. as far as canonical height equivalents go, i’ve always imagined him to be around felix’s height, if not an inch or two shorter than him. he’s definitely taller than the sugar rush kids by a long shot, but he’s a munchkin otherwise. turbo’s build is ... something i’ve never been able to tackle with one word. he’s short, with short legs and short arms, which aren’t exactly thin but they’re definitely on the softer side. he has a gut for sure. i’d most likely classify him as a little chubby, with his weight mainly focusing in his stomach area and his waist.

2. How old are they?

plug-in years are arguable, but he is programmed to be physically 18 years old. he has the attitude and mindset of a more haughty 18 year old--and while he treasures his youth, that doesn’t stop him from doing adult things.

3. Describe their posture. Do they carry themselves well or do they slouch?

most of the time, turbo carries himself with a disgusting amount of pride. it oozes off of him in little ways: his back is straight, as if making a point that he wasn’t insecure just because he was on the shorter side. his strides can be long, and he doesn’t usually crumble under pressure. his shoulders are pushed back to prove, somehow, that he wouldn’t take any bullshit--but they’re not tight enough that he’s trying too hard. on the flipside, when he’s relaxed or particularly grouchy, he’s subject to slouch as he crosses his arms over his chest, turning into a hunched ball of brattiness.

4. How is their health? Are they fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

turbo’s health is okay. he’s not totally out of shape, but you won’t catch the guy running a marathon. he has some lazy habits but to be a race car driver you have to have to have some kind of endurance. he has a slight speech impediment which causes his lisp, but he’s gotten good at hiding it and ‘correcting’ himself.

5. How do they move? Are they clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

pretty fluid. he’s far from graceful, but every little movement is usually painted with practiced, arrogant ease. his movements are often quick and occasionally a smidge twitchy, but only because he’s prone to impatience. 

6. How attractive is this character physically? How do they perceive themselves in the mirror?

i mean .... we’re judging a video game character who’s very cartoony, so i don’t think attractiveness is very .. applicable. i would say he’s pretty gross and creepy looking, though: his big eyes with tiny-ass pupils, huge, yellow-tinted teeth, ridiculous dark circles and grey skin don’t do him any favors. he’s definitely not exactly hot: but he sure likes to tell himself he’s the most good-looking thing around. he certainly has the confidence to pull it off, though. somehow.

7. Describe their complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

turbo’s skin is on the light grey side (around this shade), getting more dark/purple around his eyes due to his heavy bags. small nicks and scars coat the palms of his hands mostly, but they’re just scrapes from messing with his car. no biggie.

8. Describe their hair: color, texture, style.

his hair is black, straight and boring: his hairline is high, whereas his hair isn’t exactly thinning, it’s still a bit fine while also having a touch of thickness to it. his haircut isn’t anything noteworthy, cropped short and with a messy fringe. i’m bad at describing hair, so here, have this and this.

9. What color are their eyes?

a bright, glowing yellow. technically his pupils are black, but y’know.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

just a few! for instance, due to his status as a speed demon, his ears are pointed--i’d like to say it was a pixelation error where the designer added one more pixel to his ear, and instead of getting rid of it, they just kept it because it looked cool. his tongue is an odd, mint/green color, and his eyes glow in the dark.

11. What are their chief tension centers?

his shoulders and his jaw. tension tends to flood straight to his shoulders and it’s pretty evident in his posture, and occasionally it hits him in the jaw, shown by when he clenches is teeth/jaw a lot.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or do they have six of the same suit?

turbo’s wardrobe is very casual. more often than not, he wears his iconic red and white jumpsuit. red is his favorite color, so it shows up in whatever he wears most of the time. i imagine he has a track suit like this that he opts out for every now and again just because it looks cool. otherwise his wardrobe is very plain: black and white tee-shirts, dark-wash jeans, a lot of converse, but he usually sticks to his red, a pair of combat boots. i’ve also always been a stickler for the ‘HARDCORE’ obsessed jerk to have a leather jacket.

13. Do their clothes fit well? Do they seem comfortable in them?

i’d say so! turbo isn’t always a skinny-fit guy, but he doesn’t wear baggy clothes to hide anything really. he’s comfortable in just about anything due to his disgustingly large ego.

14. Do they dress the same on the job as they do in their free time? If not, what are the differences?

most of the time, yeah! but he’s not afraid to dress differently off hours and he’s out somewhere. it’s more casual than his tracksuit (which he has no problem walking around in, he believes that his clothing makes the legend), but something he’s rarely without his helmet, as if personifies who he is.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

boxers. 100%. especially boxers with ridiculous patterns on them. like gold trophies, red t’s, the works.

Speech

16. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

here’s an audio clip for you! his voice isn’t high nor is it really deep--it’s somewhere in the middle (maybe a little higher than a more gravel-type tone) and a little raspy/scratchy, sounding like it fluctuates a touch. given his age, i'd say it fits.

17. How doe they normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Do they talk easily, or do they hesitate?

oh man. turbo speaks loud and proud. he isn’t yelling all the time (ok.... half ol the time, since he usually throws tantrums) and he can talk pretty fast if he’s rambling. he has a bad habit of rambling/yammering which can get exhausting, but he speaks at an even pace because he wants people to listen to him.

18. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

have you heard turbo talk? he definitely has some kind of dialect/accent. i’ve never been able to pinpoint what kind of accent it is exactly (northeast? chicago? who knows) but he pronounces things with a lot of a’s. it can fluctuate between an a or the proper pronunciation though - of = ‘a, words sometimes being slurred (gonna, wanna, s’why, what’cha, would’ja, etc.), he usually drops the g from the ends of his words, things like that. he does have a lisp, but he does his best to hide it in fear of sounding dorky.

19. What language/s do they speak, and with how much fluency?

english and that’s it. he’s an american-made game and he sees not reason to learn another language.  8′)

20. Do they switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

sometimes he slips up on hiding his lisp, but that’s as far as it goes!

21. Are they a good impromptu speaker, or do they have to think about their words?

turbo?? thinking about his choice of words??? that’s rare. he’s a very off the cuff sorta guy who speaks his mind and doesn’t care about the repercussions. there are scarce moments where he has to let his brain marinate things, but that happens once every blue moon.

22. Are they eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

kind of down the middle. he’s good at speaking his mind and yammering on, but he has a very tough time expressing certain feelings about things, which is where he struggles and gets more inarticulate.

Mental and Emotional

23. How intelligent is this character? Are they book-smart or street-smart?

okay i know it’s funny to say, ‘haha rb is a dumbass’ (kind of true) but i’d say he’s pretty smart in terms of mechanics and street-wise things. he enjoys learning about more mechanical things like vehicle-related subjects, or technology in the terms of coding in the future, and he’s skilled at it. he just happens to have poor impulse control and be reckless.

24. Do they think on their feet, or do they need time to deliberate?

think on his feet, 100%. the only time he sits down and thinks is if he’s forced to actually plot and mull things over.

25. Describe the character’s thought process. Are they more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

turbo’s thought process is a rapid fire. it holds a million topics and he can flick through them like rapid fire shells. i would say that he’s more intuitive than anything else, as he’s a very emotionally-charged person who reacts from emotion and is dangerously reckless. on the flip side, he also tends to be practical: rather than leaving his heads in the clouds, he likes to get things done and prove them wrong.

26. What kind of education has the character had?

he’s...... a video game character..... so no formal education to speak of.

27. What are their areas of expertise? What, if anything, are they interested in learning more about?

he loves learning about technical things. mechanics, technology, the works. his favorite subject is any kind of automobile and how those work, and with an interest he’ll eventually learn code.

28. Are they an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert by far. the guy thrives off of attention and snaps without it. he gets energized by talking to people and seldom needs time to recharge unless a situation is particularly exhausting, which is when he usually buzzes off to go do his own thing. otherwise he feeds off of social interaction and needs it like he needs air.

29. Describe the character’s temperament. Are they even-tempered or do they have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

turbo is a lot of things. he is an a brat above all else, and as a brat, he’s prone to having mood swings. at times, he can be laidback--still an arrogant jerk, but more chill--but for the most part, he’s hot headed and loses his temper easily. it’s not hard to make him huff and snap and showcase what a brat he is. he’s neither cheerful nor melancholy: he believes both attitudes are stupid and annoying. he is however, driven. he loves a good challenge or obstacle and will do anything to complete it and ‘win’.

30. How do they respond to new people or situations? Are they suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

this depends entirely on the situation. for the most part, he breezes into situations by acting like his usual cocky self and talking about ... whatever is at hand. even in situations where he actually is anxious, he pulls up an arrogant front.

31. Are they more likely to act, or to react?

i don’t know if this was meant as react vs respond, but definitely react. he doesn’t consider his word or responses, and usually just goes off of the first emotion he feels.

32. Which is their default: fight or flight?

more often than not, fight. he only runs away in situations where he’s absolutely fucked, but he flirts with danger and death frequently because of his attitude. see: the many times where he would mouth off to some huge monster/cybug and only start to run when he was inches away from being a meal/dead.

33. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Do they appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

his sense of humor is ... weird? he likes pranks (not being the recievee, though, but the one to pull them) and laughs at people he considers ‘losers.’ he gets a kick out of messing people, whether that’s through frustrating or flustering them. puns can be hit or miss, but more often than not he groans at them.

34. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how do they deal with them?

OH BOY, ME, A PSYCH MAJOR, GETTING HYPED FOR THIS QUESTION.

short answer: yes.

long answer: turbo, without a doubt, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. it was also brought to my attention that he may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, along with slight paranoia. he refuses to acknowledge any of these things, citing that that sort of thing is for losers and people who are weak, and has no coping mechanisms whatsoever. if anything, he wouldn’t see a problem with his behavior (ore so with his NPD, because in his mind, why wouldn’t he love himself?) and would continue on as one does.

35. What moments in this character’s life have defined them as a person?

roadblasters. without a doubt, simply learning the fact of their existence and what it would mean defined how he could be a paranoid, jealous, attention-hungry mess. being on top also defined them as a person, as being the most popular game in his arcade has only made his arrogant streak worse and blown his ego up by a thousand.

36. What do they fear?

being alone, forgotten, and abandoned.

37. What are their hopes or aspirations?

to be the greatest racer ever, and to go down in history as a legend.

38. What is something they don’t want anyone to find out about them?

lmao...... a lot. more so his fears and worries, as he hates vulnerability and showing any side of himself that could possibly be ‘weak’ or anything.

Relationships

39. Describe this character’s relationship with their parents.

going off of rps with mombotastic from years ago that i hold dear to my heart, his relationship with his programmed npc mom is weird. she doesnt take what he does seriously and nags him, while turbo is often disgusted by her tales of debauchery and behavior. they tend to argue and turbo ends up being smacked with a purse more than he’d like, but ma at least tries?

40. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

i mean if you count the twins as his brothers...???? then he doesn’t get along with them at all: there’s a mutual feeling of resentment. with turbo often insulting them, humiliating them, and generally just being an awful bastard to them. (this tends to roll into a yelling match or a fist fight. what a great relationship.)

41. Are there other blood relatives to whom they are close? Are there ones they can’t stand?

nope!

42. Are there other, unrelated people whom they considers part of their family? What are their relationships with them?

turbo????? with familial like relationships???? the only one i can think of is vanellope, who he’s subconsciously like an obnoxious older brother to. they’re similar enough to where they can snark and banter at each other, and they’re both competitive brats who like to race and play pranks on each other. while he can find her to be a total pain in the neck, it’s probably one of his more wholesome relationships. (which is somehow a miracle.)

43. Do they make friends easily, or do they have trouble getting along with people?

lmao..... no. he has trouble getting along with people because he’s an argumentative brat with a huge ego, so it makes him difficult to connect positively with someone. that’s not to say he can’t nor has he not had friends, but that he’s a lot to handle and he can be hard to tolerate alone, so he doesn’t make friends easily. regardless, he likes to say he has a lot of friends.

44. Which do they consider more important: family or friends?

himself, first and foremost. but between those two alone? considering his bad family ties, i would say friends, unless it was in a certain context.

45. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Have they been married more than once?

single, and he intends to stay that way. romantic relationships aren’t exactly his style: the guy has pretty bad commitment issues.

46. Are they currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

nope.

47. Who was their first crush? Who is their latest?

turbo isn’t one to get crushes on others. he’s more used to people crushing on him, and him getting all smug about it because of course another person loves him. he’s more likely to be physically attracted to someone from the get go, but that’s more related to lust than it is to love.

48. What do they look for in a romantic partner?

if he had to look for something in them, it would have to be someone who he can share his passions with. who he can talk to about this and that and actually, you know, enjoy himself? it would have to be someone who gives him a challenge, someone who he can trust, who he knows won’t abandon him. and most of all? someone who can actually keep the guy focused on them and them alone.

49. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how do they relate to them? If no, do they want any?

no and no he doesn’t want any, he doesn’t like most kids and he feels as if they would slow him down.

50. Do they have any rivals or enemies?

YES AND YES, TOO MANY. his biggest rivals would be vanellope (especially in terms of racing) and azura, and he has so many enemies that i can’t count them all on my fingers.

51. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where do they fall on the Kinsey scale?

turbo identifies as straight as a ruler, typically attracted to female-identifying people. i’d say he’d fall as a zero or a one on the scale.

52. How do they feel about sex? How important is it to them?

oh boy.

NSFW WARNING?

sex is a game to him. he has no feelings and no emotions during it other than pure lust. he wants sex with no strings attached, and just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he gives a single fuck about you--and he’s sure to let you know about that. he sees it as a “conquest” (ew), something to fuel his ego and his drive for it, just to make him feel good. it’s important in the realms of his ego and his desires, but nothing more.

53. What are their turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

TURBO’S KINKS/TURN ONS ARE NASTY AND THIS CHARACTER SHEET DOESN’T DESERVE THEM. honestly if you really want to know i can put them in a separate post but they’re pretty gross. it’s nothing outlandish and wild, but it’s .... turbo.

his turn offs are simple enough. romance during sex turns him off hard during flings, as well as any mentions of commitment. an attitude (and not the kind he likes, more so a whiny attitude/someone who complains too much) turns him off pretty bad, too.

it’s turbo. everything he does in the bedroom is weird.

Beliefs

54. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well do their fit type?

yes! he’s a scorpio and he’s a pretty textbook one at that, fitting a lot of the negative traits (possessive, resentful, aggressive, jealous, manipulative, etc.) and the positive traits (charismatic, ambitious, intense, cunning, competitive, etc.) to a T.

55. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in their life?

neither. religion is not important to him at all, often taking whatever power (eg, Pong)’s name in vain a lot of the time and belittling Programmers (seeing as some characters view them as God). he isn’t fond of it, going as far as to even mock more religious sprites (i recall him once rolling his eyes and making fun of a Felix for it), probably because he doesn’t like the idea of anything being ‘above’ him.

56. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

kind of? at the canon point i tend to take him from, he sort of sits on a slippery moral slope. he can do some fucked up things at times, but he has his limits -- for instance, murder is kind of up there. for one thing, his Hero Coding exists to at least give him a kick in the pants to do something morally decent, much to his chagrin and hatred of it.

57. How do they regard beliefs that differ from theirs? Are they tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

it depends? i’d think he’d definitely scoff about how people are ‘wrong’, but he’s indifferent about it unless one is vocal about some opposing view: that’s where he becomes more intolerant, typically mocking them at most. otherwise, if it doesn’t nvolve him? he doesn’t give two fucks.

58. What prejudices do they hold? Are they irrational or do they have a good reason for them?

oof. he’s definitely prejudiced against other racing games for sure, especially if they’re anything like roadblasters, have a higher pixelation count, or just ... exist. he thinks they’re all beneath him and not as good as turbo time, and he’s extremely vocal in terms of trash talking, insisting how his game is better than theirs will ever be, how he can outrace them, etc. all that good stuff.

i would say like a good chunk of other characters in the film, he has a slight prejudice against villain characters, with him technically being a ‘hero.’ it’s more so just him poking fun and mocking them, with things like, ‘bad guys don’t win medals’ and things of that nature.

Daily Life

59. What is the character’s financial situation? Are they rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

well, he’s a video game character so he doesn’t really earn money, unless you either count quarter income or high scores on consoles as money? in a more realistic scenario, he’s well off, as professional racers tend to earn millions/billions.

60. What is their social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected them?

this would be more applicable to a human turbo (who went from low class to middle/upper middle) but if i had to pick for his game verse, he’d be middle/upper middle.

61. Where do they live? House, apartment, trailer? Are their home their castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Do they share it with others?

A WHITE TRASH TRAILER. that’s right. he loves that thing and he wouldn’t live anywhere else: it definitely looks dingy and trashy, but he spruces it up on the inside and decks it out with too much racing stuff to possibly bear. he doesn’t share too well (when does he ever?) and will let friends or flings come over, but he doesn’t like anyone overstaying their welcome.

62. Besides the basic necessities, what do they spend their money on?

car related things are a biggie. you can catch him picking up tools, car parts, oil, car magazines, what have you. it’s his life, and he loves sprucing up and tinkering with his kart. beyond that, i don’t think he would spend on too much besides drinks at Tapper’s, takeout food, trashy 80′s stuff like music and movies, and cigarettes. he’s pretty handy with cash, at least.

63. What do they do for a living? Are they good at it? Do they enjoy it, or would they rather be doing something else?

teeechnically being the star of his video game is his job, but racing is his profession. he loves it more than anything, he wouldn’t change it if given the oppurtunity, and without it, the guy would snap. he needs to race.

64. What are their interests or hobbies? How do they spend their free time?

as far as hobbies go, racing is his biggest hobby. he loves to race off of work hours and even do his tracks alone if he wants to remain in top shape. he also enjoys tinkering and sprucing up his car--but that was a given. other hobbies include social drinking, playing pranks on others (that’s a hobby, okay) and a little gamejumping and causing trouble. he likes going into games and screwing with things, whether that be street racing, graffiti, what have you. he’s a little punk.

65. What are their eating habits? Do they skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

he’s kind of a glutton and loves to eat.. even if he’s had 3 meals, he loves to snack and nibble on things. it’s seldom that he skips a meal: the only times i can see it s if he was forced to by the demands of a situation or out of stress, which would roll into him whining and complaining because he’s hungry. he loves to eat out (the man cannot cook for his life, he microwaves things at best) as it’s a social thing and all he eats is junk food. particularly american junk food. he doesn’t touch healthy stuff all too much (you won’t see him eating a salad, for example) and he avoids bitter things like the plague. like many other sprites, he obviously indulges in the routinely booze at tapper’s.

[trueraretalent]

A WALT QUESTIONAIRE

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

“I’m skinny or lean or whatever and I think I’m about 5′9? I don’t know.”

shut up alex, you’re 5′8 and you know it.

2. How old is he?

“Nineteen.”

3. Describe his posture. Does he/she carry himself well or does he/she slouch?

“It could probably be better, but I don't slouch too much. Depends on my mood really.”

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

“Obviously I’m nowhere near as fit as Jordan, but - and this is hard to believe, I know - I’m actually a fairly decent runner and did track for a few years. Take after my mum in that aspect, I guess.”

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

“There’s…there’s more than one way to move? Fluid, I don’t fucking know.”

he moves with ease and usually looks comfortable or casual or whatever. idk. 

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

“Why don’t you tell me? Attraction is more of a perception thing based on personal preference so… but I’m not looking at myself and nitpicking, anyway, I know I’m pretty ace.”

was that a fucking pun you little shit.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

“I’m pale. I’m a white-ass white boy and I’ve got a bunch of tiny freckles all over the place because I’m incapable of tanning.”

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

“My hair is about as straight as I am, and if you’re a sucker for brown hair with shaved sides, boy do I have news for you.”

he doesn’t do much to style it or anything. usually just rolls out of bed and brushes with his fingers. (x)(x)

9. What color are his/her eyes?

“Fuck if I know.”

they’re brown alex. they’re brown.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

“Dimples deeper than the Pacific ocean.”

11. What are his/her chief tension centers?

“…Shoulders, I guess.”

his first instinct was to say farrah. tf alex.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit?

“I don’t even know. I’ve got ripped jeans and a whole range of graphic tees and also some random big name shit. My fashion policy is basically just if it looks cool, I wear it. Pretty casual, ridiculously varied. I don’t really have a colour scheme at all, but hey! If I can throw together a half decent outfit then who cares?”

wardrobe tag: (x)

13. Do his/her clothes fit well? Does he/she seem comfortable in them?

“That’s basically my only criteria, so yeah. That, and if the clothes match whatever the hell my acethetic is.”

that's pun number two, people.

14. Does he/she dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

“If I had a job, I’m sure I’d make myself look professional as fuck.”

i doubt that.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

“Boxers.”

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

“…Am I meant to know this? Middle-range, I guess. A teacher once described my voice as ‘warm’ which was weird but might answer the question?”

imma be honest with you fam, half the time i imagine him with a british accent like his fc, one daniel howell. idk?? dan howell without the accent?? idk???? pretty even and clear, no cracking when he speaks. idk.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?

“Okay - well - right. I just interrupted myself several times so sorry about that but let me give you the run down. I speak pretty easily, but speed varies depending on who I’m talking to or how I’m feeling and all that shit. The more nervous or worried I am, the more I ramble and I speed up a bit, but when I’m angry I’ve got a very even and calm tone somehow and when I’m talking to someone new I try and avoid talking quickly.”

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

“Not really.”

when he rambles he does a lot more ‘you know’ and ‘i mean’ without noticing.

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?

“English. And I know some French from school but that’s about it.”

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

“Uhh, no. Breaking out in French at random times would be super fucking weird, considering I know roughly five words.”

…yeah…who would…do that…

i apologise for my son penelope

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?

“I’m a very good impromptu speaker. That’s basically the only speaking I do.”

literally the only time he stops and fully thinks his words through is when he’s full on angry. like legitimately furious. so, not talking to any one in particular here nope not at all i’m sure this will never be relevant at all ever haha, if alex is taking his sweet sweet time to answer, you know you’ve fucked up big time.

7. Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

“A mix of both, I think. It depends on the subject, but talking is one of my strong suits so it’s not like I can’t convey an opinion.”

he’s probably more eloquent when he’s angry. also sarcastic. it's wild, he really gets his anger from vidia.

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?

“Well, I’m not stupid. I ace most tests. My problem is more just figuring out where to ‘apply myself’. I know a lot about things I actually like and certain social issues like the feminist movement and sexuality stuff. And the only reason I passed maths as a sophomore was because I managed to get the teacher to like me after he’d decided that he hated the class with a passion. He wasn’t even subtle about that, actually. He literally announced it in our second week of classes. Yeah, he didn't fuck around. We had that in common. Anyway, befriending people is the closest I’ve got to street smarts.”

alex’s pun count so far: 4, i think.

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?

“I think a lot more on my feet than I probably should.”

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

“I’d say more idealistic. I’m an optimist. Apparently those are in short supply nowadays so I’m basically a unicorn. But yeah, probably more intuitive than logical, I’m led by my emotions rather than my head.”

for anyone curious, his mbti is enfp. take that as you will.

4. What kind of education has the character had?

“Imagine a series of private schools full of a mix of the kids of both shockingly successful strippers and the classic pretentious rich assholes. It was a weird juxtaposition. But I’ve gone through all the regular tiers to university.”

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?

“Social issues, probably. I was pretty good at drama. Also I did violin for like 3 years. I still suck but at least I can be rhythmic about it. I don't know what I want to know more about, just a whole bunch of things in general. Biology has always been interesting.”

it hasn't really, he’s just taking any opportunity for a pun.

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?

“Take a wild guess.”

extrovert, in case it wasn’t clear.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

“I’m pretty even-tempered and cheerful. I’ve got energy but I wouldn’t say I’m driven. My focus can be pretty sporadic sometimes.”

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

“New people are great. Love ‘em. I’m pretty comfortable with most people, really.”

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?

”Umm… react…?”

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?

“I see your fight and flight and raise you; freeze.”

probably fight tbh.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

“Most humour, really. I can get bi with jokes, but I really ace sexuality puns - and you know that thing that happens where you create some ridiculously elaborate scenario and get really into? Yeah, I love doing that. I also have a compulsive need to make sarcastic comments. I think it’s a genetic thing.”

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?

“Nope.”

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?

“Being born was pretty significant. Meeting Jordan, definitely. Learning to embrace my sexuality. I don’t know, a bunch of little things. A bunch of people. Fucking Tyler, unfortunately.” 

fucking tyler page - this boy’s first serious relationship. listen up fam: it was a mess and fucked him up a little for a while there and basically made him doubt himself and his identity. it was toxic af because i have a compulsive need to give my characters unnecessary angst.

14. What does he/she fear?

“Spiders can fuck right off. And I’ve probably got a crippling fear of rejection or not being good enough, like any true teenager or young adult.”

for an optimist you sound pretty cynical there buddy. 

but for real that not being good enough thing.

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?

“Good question. I’ll get back to you when I know.”

he has no idea wtf he wants to do with his life he’s gonna be a social worker i guess i just want him to squirm for a bit but probably just having everyone he cares about happy?? what a dork.

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?

“Well, it’s not that I don’t want people to know, but half the time I forgot to tell people I’m ace. Not that it’s something you have to tell people at all, but I at this point I have no idea who I’ve told and who I’ve just thought to myself - ‘oh, I should probably let them know at some point’. Other than that, Tyler. It’s just not fun to talk about.” 

fucking tyler. basically the whole deal with tyler he likes to keep under wraps and if he does tell someone who doesn’t know he’s definitely never going to mention that the breaking point of the relationship was tyler hitting him.

but yeah, that asexual thing. pull yourself together alex seriously.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.

“Mum’s great. We’re close, and we’ve got each other’s back. Usually that just means her intimidating teachers, or us making comments to each other under our breath at events we have to go to or me pretending to be sick to get her out of meetings, but it’s fun. She’s pretty casual, really. Her coworkers probably think I have cancer or something, which is also fun. Wait - they might actually. Oh man, this explains why they were so weird and excessively understanding when they found out that we were fostering kids. They totally thought it was so Mum could find a replacement kid in case I died. Oh man, this explains so much. That’s why they looked so concerned when we adopted Jordan - they totally thought I was going to die. I need to text Mum and see if she can confirm it. Ooh, we could fake my death - actually a coma would be better, that way we can still mess with them and no one will have a heart attack when they see me.”

they have fun.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

“Jordan. I love her, she’s amazing. We’re definitely close, and it took a while to get to that point. She was the angriest 12 year old I’d ever met and I swear, I swear, it took months before I even saw her smile. That was such an achievement for me. We’ve got a pretty normal sibling relationship - we tease each other, we take care of each other, she threatens to punch people in the face, it’s a riot. I’d be glad to be replaced by her if I died of cancer.”

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?

“We don’t see them that much, but I have grandparents. Grandma’s got a whole bunch of interesting stories about interesting people and jesus fucking christ, was their marriage nonexistent. I don’t know about Grandpa. I think he might actually be dead. Mum doesn’t really like either very much regardless.”

you think he’s dead?? alex wtf????

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?

“Well, mum’s friends are all practically my aunts and I grew up with their kids, so there’s that. Birdie in particular. She’s basically my little sister and she’s the literal embodiment of sunshine, I swear. I take care of her and Farrah whenever I can, even if the latter makes it difficult sometimes. And all the kids that have stayed with us - except for one or two that were legitimately assholes - are just automatically part of the family.”

don’t mind me just making assumptions about the pixie hollow fam.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

“Jordan, probably.”

6. Does he/she have other close friends?

“Birdie, Farrah, Kennedy, the Belle’s - hey, if I say Scarlett, how annoyed do you think Noah would get? Because Scarlett Blake is fucking adorable and I’d be honoured to consider her a close friend.”

more assumptions don’t mind me.

also why do you need to mess with noah come on now alex.

7. Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?

“I’m decent at making new friends, probably because I’m pretty friendly and trustworthy. I make a point of not fucking with people.”

you can't see but he's doing finger guns bc he's a dork.

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?

“Family, if I have to choose.”

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?

“Single, I’m all bi myself. And yes, at nineteen I have been definitely been married not once but twice.”

10. Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

“Oh no, you totally got me!”

alex please.

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?

“Some girl called Alesha when I was five. I’m not sure where she is now but I remember that she always had freakishly intricate braids. Lately? I don’t know if you’d call it a ‘crush’, it’s more of an, I don’t know, mutual attraction?”

lol whatever you say alex. you're looking very casual there with your fond smile and lack of eye contact.

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?

“Okay, first off - nice hair. Not saying it’s necessary but, you know, always a bonus. Secondly - can survive without sex. Don't think that one needs much explaining. And, I don’t know, just being comfortable with them. Being able to feel like there isn’t any pressure and like I can talk and they won't get annoyed and like they actually really care. Someone I can have stupid inside jokes with and just have fun with. Someone that makes me happy and that I can make happy.”

alex that's sweet and all but what is your deal with the hair like seriously.

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?

“Shockingly, I am not a father. But, one day, I want kids. Maybe not any time soon, but yeah, I definitely see it in the future for me.”

if you don't want kids you do not have a chance with alex in the long term.

14. Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?

“Not that I know of. If I do I don't give a fuck. Literally.”

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?

“I guess you could say I’m pretty ace.”

also biromantic without any real preference.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?

he literally just snorted. he's literally trying not to laugh.

“Okay, seriously, though, what’s the big deal with sticking parts of yourself inside another person? Who looked at the process of making babies and went ah, yes, this will be a big deal for society, the act of sex. And that’s not even mentioning the concept of virginity which was fucking made up to make people feel bad about not having banged someone yet. Oh, and don’t even get me started with the double standards for girls, I mean -”

and that’s enough social justice ranting, thank you alex.

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

“Actually - you know what? I’d probably - reluctantly, mind you - sleep with someone if they went all out. Neither of us would enjoy it, but if someone, like, took me to a super expensive restaurant and hired out a theme park and did that sky writing thing and did the whole rose petals leading to the bedroom and some scented candles - actually, that’s a fire hazard, I don’t need the candles - but if someone went all out, you kind of have to give it a go, you know? Good thing the people I’m attracted to aren’t billionaire hopeless romantics, because it would be pretty uncomfortable for everyone involved. But if you want weird bedroom habits, I’ve been told I talk in my sleep.”

okay thanks for that, nice to know you’re taking this seriously alex. for those wanting some semblance of a proper answer (admittedly to a slightly different question), alex is definitely a kiss-me-hard-and-push-me-up-against-a-wall (or other flat surface) kind of guy. likes biting, cool with hickeys, not that into tongue. go wild kids, this is literally the only character that i can give an answer for this question.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?

“Birthday’s June 10th, which makes me a Gemini. It fits well enough - good communicators, witty, indecisive, energetic. It works.”

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?

“Yeah, the bible has had a great impact on my life.”

no, they aren't very important to him. 

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

“Doesn't everyone? It's just the normal stuff to be honest; don't be an asshole for no reason, let people do whatever the fuck they want as long as they aren't hurting anyone, don't treat people like objects. That one really annoys the hell out of me.”

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

“All for it unless they're disrespecting someone’s existence, then they can fuck off. And people who like pineapple on pizza, what is wrong with you?”

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?

“You know, there's probably some that society has planted in my subconscious but I try to avoid being consciously prejudiced. Unless you're into that pineapple on pizza bullshit.”

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

“We're fairly wealthy. Yay for us, I guess.”

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?

“I don't know, I don't think it's changed much. Pretty upper class.”

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?

“Condo in Vegas. Sounds exciting, right? It's not bad, everything is open 24 hours and always a ton of tourists so that's good for people watching. The condo’s kind of big, especially for three people, but pretty comfortable. We all get our own rooms - even if Jordan barges into mine whenever she wants. Also the wifi is really good, which is the most important thing.”

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?

“Food. Clothes, I guess. Going out to the movies or exploring the city. There's this place down the road that does the best bubble tea, and it's right next to this phenomenal Chinese restaurant so I always end up spending money whenever I go down that street.”

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?

“Don't have a job, so...”

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?

“Hanging out with friends, reading up on something so I don't have to do homework, I’ll go to a party or a club or something if it sounds like it’ll be fun, stuff like that.”

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

“I don't skip meals, or try not to. Mum’s cooking is pretty hit and miss so we eat at restaurants and get take out a bit more than we probably should, especially if no one can be bothered cooking. I don't drink that much - thank Jordan for that, she actively despises the stuff. Not that she doesn't have good reason to, though.”

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his/her favorite:

1. Color? 


like summer day sky blue. also yellow, tbh.

2. Smell? 


chocolate cake.

3. Time of day? 


late morning.

4. Season? 


spring.

5. Book?

think john green.


6. Music? 


think fun., walk the moon, paramore.

7. Place? 


sitting around a bonfire, talking and laughing with people.

8. Substance? 


does sarcasm count?

9. Plant? 


sunflower.

10. Animal?

probably like a dog or something. which is ironic bc he’s a cat person.

[dustinthesky-blog]

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

I’m a fucking stick.

2. How old is he?

Old enough.

3. Describe his posture. Does he carry himself well or does he/she slouch?

Those etiquette classes were a waste of money.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

Dead inside.

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

I don’t fucking know, let alone care.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

Vampires can’t see their own reflection, who knows.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

Vampire white.

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

A fucking mess.

9. What color are his eyes?

Soulless.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

The signature pout.  I should trademark it.

11. What are his chief tension centers?

The world.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit?

Dark as my soul.

13. Do his clothes fit well? Does he seem comfortable in them?

Jesus, I don’t give a shit about clothes.

14. Does he dress the same on the job as he does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

I’m a professional pain in the ass, I wear whatever the fuck I want to.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Briefs over boxers.

Speech 1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

Ghost like.

2. How does he normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he talk easily, or does he hesitate?

Hauntingly.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

Christ.

4. What language/s does he speak, and with how much fluency?

English, Latin, sarcasm.

5. Does he switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

Latin works best for exorcisms or when speaking to demons.

6. Is he a good impromptu speaker, or does he have to think about his words?

I don’t have a fucking filter, deal with it.

7. Is he eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

You can’t show demons fear, it’s best to speak in full sentences.

Mental and Emotional 1. How intelligent is this character? Is he book-smart or street-smart?

Knowing how to not get yourself killed is the most important, but so is proper grammar.

2. Does he think on his feet, or does he need time to deliberate?

Not thinking things through gives you the best stories.

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

Practical and logical.

4. What kind of education has the character had?

Too much.

5. What are his areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he interested in learning more about?

Writing, being a pain in the ass, and scaring Carter, falling in love with the one person who can’t love me back.

6. Is he an introvert or an extrovert?

People can stay the hell away from me.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

Christ, what do you think?

8. How does he respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

I want everyone to get the fuck away from me.

9. Is he more likely to act, or to react?

Do I look like fucking Leonardo Dicaprio to you?  Well... actually I do.

10. Which is his default: fight or flight?

Having a plane comes in handy.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

I hate comedy.  Life is a joke.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he deal with them?

Hahahahahahaha.

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him as a person?

Meeting Daisy.  Being bullied all through school.

14. What does he fear?

Happiness.  Love.

15. What are his hopes or aspirations?  

I want to work for Buzzfeed so I can get paid to write “250 Pictures of Oliver Spade That Make Me Question My Sexuality” and tag Austin in it.  I also hope to actually get possessed by a demon because, damn, that would be a story.  Maybe I’d believe it then.  Who knows.

16. What is something he doesn’t want anyone to find out about him?

I have no secrets.  I’m fairly certain everyone knows I’m in love with Daisy by now, except maybe her.  But oh well!!!!

Relationships 1. Describe this character’s relationship with his parents.

My dad’s cool, but don’t tell him that, he’ll get all lame and gushy.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

Only child, but I guess Brayden’s officially my brother now since his dad died.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he is close? Are there ones he can’t stand?

Nope.

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them?

Brayden- he’s my dad’s friend’s son.  We grew up together since one of our dads was almost always away.  I’ve brought him over to the dark side a little bit, but he’s still too normal most of the time.

Austin- my shy baby brother who no one is allowed to touch.  I see a lot of myself in Austin, the normal parts, and I’m so damn protective of that kid, I just know it’s gonna be the reason I die.

Daisy- she has somehow found a way to crack my darkness and I will never forgive her for that.

Carter- I scare the shit out of him.  It’s fun.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

Daisy.  Met in middle school, and apparently that’s when I should’ve kissed her since that “ship’s sailed.”  I’m not bitter or anything.  I still love her.  But how?  Now that’s up to interpretation. 

6. Does he have other close friends?

Victoria, and it kills me to say it, but maybe Jordan.  Mainly because she hangs out with my friends and is a parasite I can’t get rid of.

7. Does he make friends easily, or does he have trouble getting along with people?

Hahahahahahaha.

8. Which does he consider more important: family or friends?

My friends are my family.

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he been married more than once?

Single as fuck club president.

10. Is he currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

I am unworthy of love and unable to hypnotize one person into loving me, let alone more than that.

11. Who was his first crush? Who is his latest?

Daisy.  Daisy.

12. What does he look for in a romantic partner?

Daisy.

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he relate to them? If no, does he want any?

Fuck, I hope not.  God help those kids.

14. Does he have any rivals or enemies?

Everyone.

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he fall on the Kinsey scale?

Straight.

16. How does he feel about sex? How important is it to him?

No one dies a virgin, life fucks everyone.

17. What are his turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

God is watching.  Ghosts are also watching.  

Beliefs 1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type?

This is more Brayden’s thing than mine.  

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his life?

Gotta see it to believe it.  I use the Lord’s name in vain too much for a believer.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

I have none.

4. How does he regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?  

I don’t give a shit, everyone ends up in a box.

5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them?

Look at me, I’m not one in the position to judge.

Daily Life 1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Money doesn’t buy happiness, otherwise maybe I’d be happy.

2. What is his social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him?

Money isn’t real, it’s a piece of paper that we let define us all.

3. Where does he live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his home his castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he share it with others?

Shitty dorm, or sometimes a haunted house with Carter.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he spend his money on?

I steal shit.

5. What does he do for a living? Is he good at it? Does he enjoy it, or would he rather be doing something else?

Currently looking for a job at Buzzfeed to bring Buzzfeed Unsolved back from the dead.

6. What are his interests or hobbies? How does he spend his free time?

Lets just say, if anyone at Walt dies, I’m gonna be the first suspect.

7. What are his eating habits? Does he skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

Forever drinking the pain away.

Associations Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his favorite:

1. Color?  

Matte Black.

2. Smell?

Decomposition.

3. Time of day?

Midnight.

4. Season?

Dead of winter.

5. Book?

Anything by Stephen King.

6. Music?

I prefer silence.

7. Place?

Hell.

8. Substance?

Weed.

9. Plant?

Venus fly trap.

10. Animal?

Sloth.

[will-of-his-own]

I saw this post by @danosphere91 and I was going to reblog it and just ramble in the tags for a minute, but it got way too long for tag rambling very fast and I figured if I’m going to ramble I may as well just go ahead and let myself ramble for days. 

‘Cause, like, I’ve been thinking about One Piece having different languages since somewhere around Alabasta in my first watch, and I always kind of low-key headcanon it as being a thing going on in the background.

Like, there’s a standard language enforced by the World Government, but of course it gets tweaked a bit as the years go by and some islands don’t have much contact with other islands, and then there are places the World Government doesn’t control and it’s really anybody’s guess whether or not the people there will be able to speak a language anyone recognizes. While most of each individual sea speaks the same language, most islands in the Grand Line have their own languages, since going between islands can be so difficult. One of the most notable exceptions is the islands connected by the sea train, which have agreed upon a shared language to make trading easier. 

The Marines all speak the standard language, and officially that’s all they’re really supposed to speak, though most are aware that there are some circumstances that call for a language shift. A good early indicator of what sort of person any given marine is is how willing they are to cycle through languages and dialects until they find the one the person they’re talking to is most comfortable conversing in. (Akainu probably doesn’t speak anything but Standard.)

The East Blue group has a bunch of inside jokes that only work in the East Blue dialect, and sometimes they’ll try to make a new one and it just completely falls apart because the slang in Syrup Village is not at all compatible with the slang in Cocoyasi Village and then everyone is just speaking nonsense. 

Luffy’s language skills are just a fucking mess because he learned some from Garp, and some from the people in Windmill Village, and the entire time Shanks was in town and for like two weeks after Luffy just practiced talking the way Shanks did, and then he learned stuff from the mountain bandits and Ace and Sabo and people in the Grey Terminal so it’s all just a mashup of different grammar rules and slang terms and everything else until he’s almost speaking a different language altogether. You know how he does that thing where, after having something explained, he’ll go ‘ah, its a mystery (insert thing here)’? It’s partially because his standard isn’t very good and, rather than try to cross the language gap, he just lets it go. He usually understands a lot more than people think, he just doesn’t have the language skills to communicate it. 

Sanji isn’t much better; the fighting chefs come from all over the East Blue - to say nothing of all the language quirks Zeff picked up in the Grand Line and from his crew - and it shows. He’s a little more aware of it than Luffy though, and can usually at least pick one style and stick with it for the sake of consistency over the course of a conversation. His ability to do this slips when he gets mad, and he’ll also start adding in stuff from the language he spoke while living in the North Blue - his arguments with Zoro usually dissolve into physical fights around the time no one can tell what he’s saying anymore. It’s even worse against enemies - Black Leg Sanji is known as ‘that one Straw Hat who will scream nonsense at you while he kicks your face in’.  

All those verbal tics characters have? Heavy accents. Law, for instance, never really got the hang of speaking Standard and when he does it - as he usually does in the Grand Line - he does so with a heavy accent that’s a mix of the general North Blue accent and the Flevance-specific one. All of the Minks have accents because of the way their mouths are shaped. ‘Garchu’ is a general greeting and carries a strong sense of community because they can all say it with pretty much the same pronunciation. Bepo lost his accent as a child from trying to sound more like Law, Shachi, and Penguin.

Speaking of Law. He rarely speaks Flevance’s language, but he writes all his notes in it. If people see them, they often assume he’s being paranoid or planning something, so he’s writing in code or something. Really, he’s just trying to make sure this last piece of Flevance doesn’t die before he does.

Big crews with people from lots of different backgrounds, like the Whitebeard Pirates, have to learn each other’s languages in order to communicate, and the crew ends up with a language that’s made up of all their different slang words and figures of speech. You’re really part of the crew when you can communicate fluently in it. Ace isn’t good at picking up new languages - Makino teaching him the proper dialect to be able to thank Shanks for saving Luffy was a nightmare - but the rest of the crew, especially the second division, helps him out where they can. Marco has a pretty heavy accent but he’s fluent in pretty much every language that’s ever come onboard. 

The language of the Celestial Dragons is holy and no one else is allowed to speak it. With the exception of a few slave commands and a handful of employees, no one else is even allowed to understand it (plenty of people pick up on parts of it, of course, but you’d better not let on that you can understand it where they can see you). Doflamingo still speaks it to himself or at other people sometimes, as a ‘fuck you’ to all of them. No one else understands it so no one realizes how he’s forgotten a lot of the grammar rules, how he’s lost the accent and now the words break on his tongue, how he’s never had - never will have - a vocabulary better than a ten year old child. 

Brook’s speech patterns range between ‘posh gentleman’ and ‘your embarrassing grandfather who thinks it’s still normal to say things like ‘groovy’ unironically’. 

Chopper had to learn how to speak human languages from scratch. He can read tons of different languages fluently, but he can’t really speak any but Standard - he can’t get the hang of pronunciation, slang words, or context clues. He’s also not very good at tonal indicators or facial expression cues, since they weren’t things little baby reindeer learn (this is part of why he never realizes when Usopp is lying about things like having 8,000 men - in addition to his naivety, he can’t pick up on the tone shift that Usopp takes on when he starts telling stories). 

Franky, in addition to whatever his biological parents spoke, Standard, and the language of Water Seven, can also speak some of Fishman Island’s language. Iceberg used to speak it better, but these days Iceberg is out of practice because the government doesn’t think much of people speaking it (yay, racism). Franky spoke it with Kokoro when she’d come to visit, and would help Chimney practice it too. 

And while we’re on the subject of Fishman Island, they probably don’t get access to very good education, especially for the lower class citizens (*coughracismagaincough*), so the lower class the citizen the less likely they are to be able to speak Standard well, if at all. This is one of the arguments used for keeping them out of world meetings, to justify enslaving them, and so on - ‘look, they can’t even speak the language’. Those who can speak Standard usually do it with a thick accent, partially because of the education system and partially because of their mouth shapes. 

Koala learned a decent amount of the Celestial Dragon language while a slave, and then the Fishman language from the Sun pirates. The latter is a comfort language; lots more positive associations with it than any other language. She relearns the Celestial Dragon language in the Revolutionary army to help translate things. 

Sabo and Koala have some difficulties at the beginning of their friendship because Sabo’s noble accent and some of the terms are ingrained in him and last past the amnesia and it reminds her too much of the Celestial Dragons and other nobles. He purposefully uses more slang and forces a more casual accent around her. He isn’t sure why he’s so much more comfortable talking like that than he is talking like a gentleman. 

So, yeah, I could go on for about a thousand years because I’m a linguistics nerd, but basically languages and the cultural and social implications thereof are super interesting and I like thinking about them, can you tell. 

[whydidyoutakemeaway]

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

I am a fucking tree, it’s ridiculous.  I have to duck to get into most places, it sucks. Recently I’ve gained a lot of muscle mass thanks to football, so I’m not nearly as lanky as I used to be which is nice.

2. How old is he?

Forty.

3. Describe his posture. Does he carry himself well or does he/she slouch?

I slouch because otherwise I bang my head against everything.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

I’m a bit of a health and fitness nut, so I keep myself in shape.  Plus I enjoy using my kids and husband as work out equipment.  You gotta have fun.  

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

Oh, christ, I’m the clumsiest person on the god damn planet.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

I used to be hot when I had my long hair, now I look a damn 16 year old again, I’m not a fan.  Wally tells me I’m still hot though, but I believed him more when my hair was longer.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

I’m a fucking ghost.

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

This is just depressing and I’m not answering it.

9. What color are his eyes?

Green.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

My nose takes up half my face, but hey, my jawline makes up for it.

11. What are his chief tension centers?

Wally.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit?

I like bright colors to trick people into thinking I’m not a rain cloud.  A lot of the things I own are bold and patterned because I don’t like boring, but there’s also nothing wrong with a plain white t shirt or band shirt which are a staple in my closet along with black skinny jeans.  I tend to be more on the dressy side because if you look good you feel good, but sweaters are also the love of my life, sorry Wally.  But it too.  damn.  hot.  to wear them here so rest in peace beloved sweaters.

13. Do his clothes fit well? Does he seem comfortable in them?

Don’t laugh, but I wear women’s jeans because they fit better, okay, leave me alone.  My pants are a second skin and that’s how I like them.

14. Does he dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

Oh, god no.  Like all aspiring musicians, I wait tables, so not the most fashionable career, and half the time I was covered in food because either I dropped something, or someone ran into me.  Please don’t be the asshole in restaurants who waves their arms around or slides back in a chair without looking.  Thankfully, they’re considering me for a promotion and hopefully I won’t have to deal with that anymore.  Also, thank god I can dress normally for tutoring.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Boxers.

Speech 1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

I give Morgan Freeman a run for his money.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?

I speak so low, softly and slowly that I literally put my kids to sleep just by talking to them.  It’s a blessing and a curse.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

Wally hates me when I do it, but I switch accents all the time.  I hate my New York accent so I’m glad that when the campus was in London I picked up the accent, but I’m also really good at mimicking accents and I’m determined to teach all of our kids how to talk with different accents.

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?

I speak sarcasm.

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations? 

Like I said, I switch randomly, sometimes halfway through a conversation.  It’s fun to fuck with people on the phone.  Wow I’m an asshole.

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?

I am a terrible impromptu speaker because I curse like a sailor.  I’m definitely not rated PG and I actively have to stop myself from saying fuck or shit every sentence.  I’m surprised my kids haven’t started cussing yet, but it’s gonna happen.  They’ve heard a lot.

7. Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

I’m extremely eloquent, and I have a fake it till you make it mentality so I can ramble for as long as it takes for me to form a coherent thought that actually makes sense or answers the question.

Mental and Emotional 1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?

Street smart and book smart, but the book smarts are not a god given ability and I work really fucking hard for my 4.0.

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?

Growing up on the streets of New York you learn how to think on your feet, you’d be dead otherwise.

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

Is it possible to be all four at the same time, because I’m all four at the same time.

4. What kind of education has the character had?

I never went to middle school, that’s when life turned to shit for me and after elementary school I found the gang and actual school wasn’t really a thing.  Being sent to Walt four years ago was really the only schooling I actually remember and they started me back about a year because of that, so I was the old man of my graduating class.  But now I have a year at Stanford under my belt and it’s been absolutely incredible.  Stanford has truly been a blessing.

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?

I’m mediocre at basically everything I do, the only thing I’m an expert at is being an asshole and having the perfect sarcastic comment ready in the blink of an eye.

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?

I’m a hermit.  Wally used to threaten me that he’d send people my way and make them be friends with me.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I had DID, because I never know what kind of mood I’m gonna be in, or which one of my different personalities (Princess Ollie, Hippie Ollie, Hermit Ollie...) will be ready to face the world when I wake up in the morning... Maybe I do have DID, I do have a lot of different personalities, holy shit now I’m scared.

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

I have really fucking bad social anxiety that is a fairly recent thing, it’s because of Walt I have it, I hate talking to new people, it’s honestly the scariest thing for me because I feel like I bother whoever I’m talking to.

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?

Both, it depends.

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?

Fight.  I’m a lover and a fighter.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

I personally believe I’m the funniest person ever but Wally just glares at me every time I make a pun, which is a lot.  At least my kids think I’m funny.  My husband also hates when I prank him but I think my pranks are better than my puns.  It’s debatable.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?

I have social anxiety and PTSD, it’s quite the combination.  I’m literally terrified of talking to people.  And please, for the love of god, don’t call me Olliepop, I’m about to cry just thinking about it.  Some kid I tutor called me that one day and I had to cancel because my mind goes back to a very dark time and I’d rather not relive that moment over any more.  So unless you want me to have a panic attack and collapse into a puddle of my own tears, do not call me Olliepop.

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?

Both times Wally fell on my, my mom’s coma, Wally’s coma and the whole Runt thing which is the reason I have PTSD, proposing to Wally, getting a full scholarship to Stanford and when we brought the kids into our lives.

14. What does he/she fear?

Everything, but mostly, becoming nothing.

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?  

I just want to be a husband and dad my family can be proud to call theirs.  I don’t expect football or music to go anywhere for me, but even if they do, the only thing that matters to me is my family and if they asked me to, I’d give up everything for them just to be there for them.

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?

I don’t want anyone to know that I feel like I have no control over my life.  I feel like I’m constantly on the edge of fucking up everything I’ve worked so hard for in my life.  I’m just terrified all the damn time and I’ve forgotten what it feels like not to worry or care about what happens and just go with the flow.

Relationships 1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.

We do not have enough time to go into this roller coaster, but I’m the biggest fucking mama’s boy that has ever walked this earth.  Not a day has gone by that I haven’t talked to my mom, even when I thought she was dead, for the longest time I thought I was crazy because I swore I could hold actual conversations with my mom, even as far as hearing her voice, when she was gone.  I’m exactly like my mama, she’s my best friend.  My dad and I have been through a lot, but we’re good now.  He’s good to my mom and that’s all that matters, and we’ve gotten over what happened between us in the past, we’ve both apologized and it’s so nice to have a healthy relationship with my dad after everything.  God, I love my family.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

I have a baby sister and I haven’t met her yet, but I can’t say I’m one of those older brothers who couldn’t wait to meet their little sister, because honestly it feels like my parents replaced me, and because missed out on my childhood and raising me, I feel like they’re gonna have this bond with her that we never got and it’s actually heartbreaking...

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?

I literally know nothing about any of my family other than my mom and dad, all I know is that my grandparents are all assholes.  I guess that’s where I get it from.

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?

The gang, god you all are as much my family as you can get.  Fagin, I miss you so fucking much, and it’s weird to think that last parents week you were here and we were having a juggling contest, which I won by the way.  Tito, Ethan, Rita, Dodge, Frankie, you all made me who I am today even if you weren’t there every step of the way and we have a lot of catching up to do, but honestly, I’d be nothing without you guys.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

I just so happen to be lucky enough to be married to my best friend and he fucking fell on me twice.  Never gonna let him live that down, nope.

6. Does he/she have other close friends?

Hahahahahahahaha.  Me?  Have friends?  That’s funny.

7. Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?

Wow I’m laughing so much, this is so depressing.

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?

This one’s a hard one... I think I’m gonna have to go with... family.  Why you ask??? Because I don’t have any friends! Wow!

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?

I’m married as fuck and have been since I was five years old.

10. Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

Do you know how hard it was to make one person like me, let alone love me?  You really think I could do that again??????

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?

The asshole six year old who fell on me.  The asshole seventeen year old with a nice ass who fell on me.

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?

Wally.

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?

Two perfect little babies, well one perfect one and one who hates me, but we’re working on it.  Me and Wally have forty eight more to go so hopefully at least one of them will like me too.

14. Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?

The world.

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?

This is the only time in my life I can say I’m number one.  Wow, that makes me sound like a terrible husband.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?

Christ, have you seen my husband?  If I could fuck him every second of every day you bet his ass I would.  Well, at least with cuddle breaks in between because I do have to get my cuddle fix in too.  I have a problem, I can’t keep my hands off of him nor do I ever want to.  

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

Not giving Wally anything more to torment me with, god knows he does it enough already.

Beliefs 1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?

I am very much a Leo.  Let me list the ways: I like to think I have a big heart and am always willing to drop everything for anyone for any reason, I’m straightforward as hell and have no problem speaking my mind, and if you give me the chance to be I’m probably the most loyal person you could ever meet, there is no getting rid of my once I’m in your life, you’re stuck with me.  Also I’m headstrong and possessive as fuck, just ask Wally.  You can’t argue with me and you especially cannot even look at Wally for too long before I get upset because he’s mine and I’m all that matters.

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?

I’m both, and both are equally extremely important in my life.  I remember going to church on sundays with my mom when I was little and being so amazed with this higher power looking after us all, but when I lost my mom, I spent so much time being angry at that very god for taking her from me.  How could some almighty being do that to me?  How could they let all the bad things in the world happen?  I lost faith for a while until I started believing in fate and destiny and everything happening for a reason which is what my entire life has been based around, and I realize that now looking back I wouldn’t be here living the life I am if just one of those things happened differently in my life, and that’s scary as hell.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

Live a good, clean, healthy life and be someone you’re proud of; would ten year old you be proud of the person you are today?  All I want to do is make lost, scared, little ten year old Ollie proud one day.

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?  

I try, I try so fucking hard not to judge people, but I can’t help it.  Especially when it comes to smoking and drugs.  I had to watch my soulmate flatline because of that shit, so yeah, not the biggest fan of it or people who use them.

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?

See above.

Daily Life 1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Not where I want to be, but surviving, and somewhat thriving.

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?

Like everything in my life this has been a roller coaster.  The place I am now is pretty much how it was when I was little with my mom, and it’s better than it was back in New York because at least I have a job other than pickpocket and an actual place on my own.

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?

I live in what Wally calls a tall person apartment, because I would never survive in anything else.  Our tiny apartment is my safe haven and forever my favorite place to be because I know my babies are always gonna be there when I get home.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?

I don’t like spending money, but when I do it’s on Wally and the kids.

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?

I’m a tutor and a waiter, but hopefully for not much longer because I hate it, but I’m not particularly bad at it because I do get really nice tips.  God, I’d love to be doing something else.  I’m hoping something comes of that call to the producer because honestly, music is the dream.

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?

What free time?  The free time I do have is spent with my family because being with them will forever be my favorite thing to do.

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

I skip a lot of meals, but not on purpose, I just forget to eat a lot because I’m always busy, and yes I know that’s bad.  I also drink.  A lot.  A lot more than I should when I do, but I’ve been good lately.  But I’m such a happy drunk sometimes it’s nice to just be so fucking happy for once.

Associations Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his/her favorite:

1. Color?  

Orange and green.

2. Smell?

Cinnamon pinecones.  

3. Time of day?

Morning.

4. Season?

It’s a tie between fall and winter.

5. Book?

I like Dr. Suess books okay.

6. Music?

Rock and acoustic.

7. Place?

New York City.

8. Substance?

Gross

9. Plant?

A weed.

10. Animal?

Cat.

[wallyaxiom]

not another walt questionnaire !

Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

I’m 5’8” which is probably at the shorter end of the male spectrum.  I’m on the smaller side but curvy - like very i got a big, big bum. I used to be tight and toned with a tiny waist but over the last few years i’ve put on some weight so I have a  little ‘tummy’ now. I used to hate it but i’ve grown used to it

2. How old is he?

Twenty-one

3. Describe his posture. Does he/she carry himself well or does he/she slouch?  

One does not get considered a prince without a regal posture, thank you.  I’m not the kind to slouch and besides, if I’m going to be a little short I might as well make up for it by standing upright.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

I try to keep myself in the best shape I can manage. I used to play soccer in high school. As well as skateboard, when I get the chance I like to surf but other than that I don’t do a lot of physical activity since i’m at home with the kids most of the time. I have some spring allergies which leave me a little sniffly if I don’t take my meds.

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

I like to consider myself graceful and ‘fluid’ I suppose. When I walk my hips kind of...sway back and forth more so than they should, at least I think so. 

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

I’ve been told i’m very pretty individual - attractive. I mean if you ask Oliver he’ll go on and on about how he finds me attractive but he’s my husband so like he kinda has to say all those nice things. I don’t find myself unattractive by any stretch of the imagination, at least not anymore i’ve  come to love myself and my flaws, but it’s nothing to brag about.  If anything I’m a bit too delicate, hence the attempts at a manly scruff in the past. But I quick that since Oliver prefers me baby faced and i’ve embraced being delicate and dainty. 

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

I’d say I’m of a medium to light complexion; I tend to be fairly tan year round.  Skin is smooth and I do my best to keep it free of blemish. 

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

My hair is caramel in color and is pretty soft.  As far as styles are concerned, i’ve had every style under the sun as of now it’s usually swept off to the side or I wear a hat when i’m too lazy to do anything with it. Oliver likes it when my hair is styled in a quiff but that doesn’t happen often anymore. I went through a whole quiff phase it was interesting to say the least

9. What color are his/her eyes?

A very vibrant light blue - kinda like the sky

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

My cheekbones they’re very defined. I also have three little freckles that I refer to as a little constellation on my face

11. What are his/her chief tension centers?

Definitely the back of my neck down into my shoulders, following down my spine.  If you hold yourself like I do tension tends to build there and I honestly could probably do with a nice full body massage once a week to relieve that tension.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit?

Usually I wear like sweats, sweaters, hoodies, leggings, comfy clothes since i’m around the house. I love adidas and I wear a lot of Oliver’s clothes. When I go out though I love dressing up. My wardrobe includes skinny jeans, bright colors, very posh and fashionable. I loooove fashion. (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)

13. Do his/her clothes fit well? Does he/she seem comfortable in them?

It depends. If i’m wearing Oliver’s clothes they’re big on me, obviously have you seen our size difference? If they’re mine they’re very, very fitted. 

14. Does he/she dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

My job is raising our two kids so.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Boy shorts. Don’t knock it til you try it. 

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

My voice is a bit high.  Not like girly high but just a light, slightly lilted tone.  It gets hoarse easily as well if I’m shouting or… whatnot.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?

I used to have a really bad stutter but not anymore. I speak quite loudly the only time I do speak softly is when i’m talking to my kids. 

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

I have a valley boy ‘accent’ it’s gone away some but there’s hints of it when I talk, so. Oliver makes fun of it. 

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?

I speak English fluently and took a bit of Spanish and Latin back in high school. 

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

No.  I wish I could break into a thick Irish accent when I got angry but nope.

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?

Unintentionally impromptu, I don’t have a filter sometimes. I try to think about my words before I say them with most anyone.

7. Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

Eloquent in 75% of situations.  The only circumstances in which it would change is in times of high stress or emotion.

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?

Pretty smart, I think.  Probably more book smart than streets though. 

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?

I’d prefer more time to deliberate. I do act rashly or impulsively depending on the situation.

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

As of late? logical and practical with a hidden dreamer. More so Intuitive back in the day. I wanted to be something much more whimsical and fun than a stay at home dad. But that’s just not how life worked out but i’m fine with it. 

4. What kind of education has the character had?

Well, I went to public grade school and middle school, a private high school for a year then ended up transferring to public which landed me in Walt and I finished my senior year a semester early because Josh came into our lives. I planned on going to school and being a theatre major...or minor with education as a major. I don’t know. I never really decided since I didn’t have the chance to. 

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?

For as much as I complain, I’m not terrible at menial task work so that’s fine.  I read and comprehend things quickly.  I’m good at memorization and can be organized when the job requires it.  I want to look more into the arts sides of things. 

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?

Extrovert

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

It depends on the day...I can be quite moody sometimes. I have mood swings a lot actually. But mostly i’m very cheerful,very loving. I like to think i’m laid back. But as a whole I guess I’m pretty high-maintenance.  I’m prone to over dramatizing situations and being a ‘brat’. As Oliver puts it. But that’s only with him

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

I love meeting new people, i’m quite the people person

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?

Probably react.

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?

depends on the situation mostly flight

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

I think I have a good sense of humor except puns I hate puns and yet i’m married to the king of puns, go figure.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?

Yes, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, I had an eating disorder about two years ago but I recovered from it. I don’t really deal with my bipolar disorder. I don’t like to think about it - kinda pretend it’s not real but I deal with the other two. I have to

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?

There’s a lot. Meeting Oliver when I was six, playing the lead in a musical in high school production, the BNL gang and all the abuse I endured during that, not becoming the axiom hire, falling in love with oliver, the coma, the memory loss, meeting my biological parents, getting engaged, having kids and of course getting married.

14. What does he/she fear?

Losing Oliver

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?

I’d like to be an actor. It’s been a silly dream of mine since high school. I love performing and making people happy

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?

Anything involving my past, whether it’s the BNL gang, the entire Eve situation, my party boy days, I don’t want my in-laws to find out i’m actually really fucking rich as much as I love Georgette i’m afraid they’d think i’m shallow like her oh and my bipolar disorder. No one can find that out.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.

Good. I’m a momma’s boy i’ve always been significantly closer to my mother than I have my father. She’s always been more gentle and loving whereas my father was often more harsh and cold. He’s always put me on a pedestal to be this perfect little boy - the perfect Axiom boy and I couldn’t fit that mold not matter how hard he tried. Not to mention he was a bit...homophobic towards my relationship with Oliver at first but we’ve gotten over it all and our relationship is better now. He’s softer. All and all I couldn’t have asked for better parents. Blood or not I love them and they love me.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

Yes, Marjorie Beamer. She’s my biological sister. I didn’t know about her until I was seventeen so I missed a good chunk of her life but I love my sister, I adore her. She’s my best friend. 

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?

My biological parents I guess? I really don’t know much about their family other than my grandmother. I’m not close at all to the Axioms. Besides Monty, they’ve all kind of disowned me for various reasons. 

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?

Silvermist is like a sister to me. Obviously Roger and Olivia Spade. My in-laws are like third parents and when he was alive, Fagin. He meant everything to Oliver and he meant a lot to me as well. 

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

This is totally cliche but it’s Oliver. We all know how we met by now don’t we?

6. Does he/she have other close friends?

Silvermist & Hallie.

7. Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?

It’s really easy for me to make friends, at least I think. I love people and love making them feel loved and welcomed. I’m a people person. 

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?

Friends, I suppose.  They’re the people who stick around you by choice, not by force.  They have to like something about you. Family is important too.

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?

Happily married.

10. Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

absolutely not no.

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?

Oliver Spade and uh Oliver Theodore Ryan Spade. He’s cute shh.

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?

Oh wow, do I really need to answer this? Everything I ever wanted in a partner I found

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?

Yes, two; Joshua and Olivia. They’re my world.

14. Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?

Auto motherfucking Axiom.

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?

Bisexual, probably a 5 on the scale.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?

Oh god I love sex. I didn’t before but now I do. I really, really do. It’s not that important to me but it happens a lot. Trust me I don’t have to worry about the spark ever going out. My husband can’t keep his hands off me, so!

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

You’re asking a very loaded question and I’m going to leave a bit of mystery to the public and keep it between my husband and I.  Let’s just say I can consider myself a fair bit… frisky.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?

I’m a Capricorn so I fit on the seeking stability, calculating, don't show their emotions easily for fear of being vulnerable, quite sensitive with those they care about, though they can be ruthless in business and when going after what they want, stubborn and seeking recognition aspects.  The part about no silly impulses though, yeah, they haven’t seen me when I used to get drunk off my ass

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?

I’m Spiritual sometimes but religious, not really no.  I live by my own philosophy.  Obviously in the one year of private school setting I had a fair bit of religion jammed down my throat but when I decided I liked kissing boys as well as girls, well, religion took a detour.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

I’d say definitely.  You’ve got to live by your own code or other people are going to define you your whole life.  It started at the end of high school when my parents’ (the axioms more likely) reins loosened and I could do more things for myself.  Have fun, carry yourself as you want to be seen and try your hardest not to have any regrets.

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

I’m not terribly against people whose beliefs differ but if they are strongly opinionated that my beliefs and ways of handling myself are wrong, I’ll defend myself.

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?

I try not to. It’s hard sometimes because the environment I was raised in because they believed most people were below them.

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Comfortable.

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?

When I was growing up obviously I was upper class. I had a damn silverspoon in my mouth. However now that I refuse to depend on my parents in any way i’m middle class. Things aren’t perfect, especially with a one person income but Oliver is the hardest working man I know. I just wish...I could help but I don’t miss being rich, i’m content and happy with where I am.

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?

An apartment with my husband and kids. It’s clean when the kids don’t scatter their toys about or when I don’t feel lazy.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?

Clothes, food and smoothies. Oh and food.

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?

Basically, i’m a stay at home-mom and house wife. I take care of the kids, the apartment and my husband when he comes home. I mean yeah I would but house-wife is kind of the job i’ll be having for a while since we plan on having a lot of kids. Eventually i’d like to go to college and get a degree in something.

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?

Going to see local theatre productions, curling up and reading, hitting up local coffee shops, setting up a fire in the fireplace, playing piano or guitar, surfing, movie marathons, star gazing, baking, stuff like that.

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

Oh, i’m a bottomless pit. Eating is my number one hobby. I love food. I don’t skip meals anymore. The only time we ever eat out is on special occasions most of the time I cook or Oliver does. We kind of share that, really. I don’t drink anymore, no. I haven’t since Josh happened. Please does it look like I avoid certain foods? Besides Brussels sprouts they’re evil. 

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his/her favorite:

1. Color?   blue and pink 2. Smell?  Strawberries 3. Time of day? Night 4. Season? Summer 5. Book? Pride and Prejudice. My mom made me read it in high school 6. Music? Depends on my mood, right now?  Something light— indie-esque. Although I think my favorite kind of music is 90′s music.  7. Place? Next to Oliver 8. Substance? Not anymore, no. 9. Plant? Cactus, they don’t die! 10. Animal? Koala

[megaraxdimitriou]

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

“I’m a big ol string bean, at 5′10. I’d like to say healthy because i exercise quite frequently but i pretty much stay the same weight i have for years due to my various love for food.” Meg is fit/slim, but she never turns down the opportunity to treat herself.

2. How old is he?

“I’m the big two-o.”

3. Describe his posture. Does he/she carry himself well or does he/she slouch?  

“I’m not much of a sloucher. My mom would always smack my hands at the dinner table if i was slouching even though she let my father do it. So i’d say pretty well, mostly from habit.” That and her mother had Meg take ballet classes when she was little, so bad posture was always a big no-no.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

“I guess fit? Haha, is sleeping in til the afternoon an illness? Because if so, you got me.” No Meg is pretty healthy physically wise.

5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

Graceful, hah that’s a laugh. I don’t know? I walk like a regular human being, is this even a real thing?” Yes it is Meg, lol. Meg is pretty relaxed in most aspects, if anything she walks casual, although sometimes if in a good mood she has a charming strut she puts on.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?

“Meh.” Wow, Meg my god. Meg has never been one for appearances; it wasn’t until recently that Daphne got her in things like doing her hair and makeup. Meg doesn’t really care for it, but most of the time shes confident in her own skin.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

“I’m not pale, but i’m not really dark either. I look i got a tan, but got out of the tanning booth halfway through. Like a golden-brown potato chip. I do get oily sometimes, it just mostly looks like i’ve been sweating though.” meg-girl. Meg is slightly tan, but in the winter her complexion lightens immensely

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.

“My hair is probably about upper-mid back. I usually don’t do anything with it, but it’s naturally wavy a bit. So most of the time its just down, or up in a pony tail.”

9. What color are his/her eyes?

“Hazel, but the green outshines the most. My mom always use to call them Σμαράγδια της θάλασσα, which translated means Emeralds of the sea.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

“I’d like to think my eyes, and i have a lil freckle above my lip that draws a bit of attention. Whether good or bad i’m not really sure which.”

11. What are his/her chief tension centers?

“I guess my shoulders.” Shoulders/Upper back.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit?

“I don’t know, i don’t feel like what i wear falls under any certain type of fashion style. I just wear whit i like.” Meg can go from casual to classy as hell. It just depends how shes feeling and what shes dressing up for. Most of her clothes are either dark's or neutrals, but there is some pops of color in there.

Most of the time she is dressed up like this (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

13. Do his/her clothes fit well? Does he/she seem comfortable in them?

“If they didn’t fit, i wouldn’t be wearing them. Sometimes i like clothes that hug my body right, sometimes i like wearing loose things that fall and hang off my sides.”

14. Does he/she dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?

“Sometimes, but mostly its still casual.”

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Laced solid colored underwear.

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

“Haven’t really thought about that much?” I’d say somewhere in the middle ground. Her voice is feminine but has strength behind it.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?

“Normal.” Meg never raises her voice unless around Hades or shes in an argument. Other than that, no. She never really is one to hesitate.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

“I guess i used too. I was raised in Greece, but my mom taught me English when i was very young. She said it was always handy to know more than one language. Most of the time people can’t tell i’m from another country until i start speaking my native language.”

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?

“I can speak Greek fluently since its my native language, English as well. I know a few words and phrases of Albanian and Latin, since a lot of people in Greek used a variety of languages.” 

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

“Sometimes. I speak my native language more in my head than anywhere else. Or when my mother calls.” Sometimes if Meg is flustered of angry, or it just slips from her mouth without her even realizing it.

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?

“Never hesitate. Say whats on your mind.” Oh meg shaddup, you hesitate sometimes binch don’t give me that.

7. Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

“I want to say eloquent, but honestly that sounds way more re-fined than i feel like i am?”

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?

“Uh, both? I’d like to think i have both.” With Meg its a fair middle ground. Meg is intelligent but sometimes lacks in the motivation to do her work department. And she has plenty of street wit from Hades.

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?

“Feet. Definitely feet. Probably would’ve been as in many situatuions as i have if i put more thought into certain things...” Hahaha, *coughs* Herc *coughes loudEr* HaDES

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

“Instinct, although sometimes more logical than if not.”

4. What kind of education has the character had?

Tbh, i’m not sure because Meg’s bio is still in the drafts and shes not listed on the dorm listings. But im pretty sure shes in University from what i remember.

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?

“Ah, you’d laugh. It’s kind of lame.” Meg has a love for mythology and anything to deal with that. She loves reading myths and legends. It brings out the childlike aspects in Meg.

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

“Introvert. I don’t care too much for people.” That and usually Hades got her busy/and or kept to himself a lot. It takes a certain person to make Meg and extrovert, aka Daphne/Tito.

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

“Depends on the situation or person.” Meg WILL fight for what she wants, so if on her bad side she could raise hell if she wants too. Although shes not the type of person to ask for help either. But when it comes to new people she’s suspicious in the sense she never fully can trust a person until she gets to know them better. But if she feels secure around someone she’s very laid-back.

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?

“Act.”

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?

“Fight. Always fight.”

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

“Gallows humor. I don’t care for vulgar jokes boys make. It makes me feel like i’m losing more of my brains cells from listening to something like that.”

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?

“Not that i’m aware of no.” Meg doesn’t have depression, but she can feel quite lonely/or sad sometimes.

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?

“I feel as if i’ve had too many of those moments.” When Megs dad died, or betraying Herc, working for Hades. There’s a lot lol.

14. What does he/she fear?

“Having my freedom taken away. Never standing up for what i want or believe in.” The irony.

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?

To be happy. Move on from the past and start something fresh and new.

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?

She’s not as strong as puts on.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.

“I’m very close to my mom. She had to raise me alone for the majority of my life  and she worked so hard to have the things i could. I could never repay her for all she’s done for me. σ'αγαπώ μαμά (I love you mama).” Meg was a big daddys girl, but her father passed away when she was 7 from a motorcycle accident.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

“Nope.”

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?

“Not really.”

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?

“Not at the moment.” She’d say Hades or Peyton and Patrick since she see’s them practically all the time.  But it’s not a good relationship with Hades.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?

“Daphne. I love her.” I’m not sure how Meg met Daphne, but i’m blessed that she did.

6. Does he/she have other close friends?

“Tito for sure. He always makes me smile. I don’t know what it is. Berlioz too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.”

7. Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?

“I’m i feel it’s easy to get along with people, but sometimes people are annoying and it frustares me beyond belief.”

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?

“Family. Always Family.” Meg doesn’t have a wide variety of friends, so Family is most important to her. Especially since they’re people who feel like home to her.

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?

“Single? ha, married? I’m not sure that will ever happen.”

10. Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

“Uh, no?”

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?

“Uh, well there was this boy from my home town. I mean he was sweet and really naive, but i think thats what i liked most about him. Just the pure innocence about him, and i fucked it up. What a surprise. I hope he's doing okay. Recently? No-” Bish talking about Herc, and we all know who Meg is talking about recently bish i see you

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?

“Someone i can hold real conversations with, someone i can laugh and be myself around.” Meg is simple she just wants someone is going to be there for her, even if she doesn’t necessarily need it.

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?

“I don’t want to even phantom the thought of having kids right now. But maybe someday.” 

14. Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?

Meg doesn’t want to answer this question because she doesn’t want Hades to over-hear lmao.

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?

“I’d rather boys, but intelligent ones.” Probably 0 or 2.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?

“I want it to be with someone i care about and vice versa. I’m not the type to sleep around, but i mean to the people who do it you do you boo; just not my thing.”

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

“I’d rather not talk about this, thanks.” Meg is quite a passionate person and she’s not going to give everything up so easily because she likes a fight. It would depend what mood she’s in, she’d love intimate or go farther into the rougher aspect of sex. Like hair pulling, lip biting, and all that good stuff.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?

I feel either an aries or leo. But probably mostly aries because they’re lively, passionate, courageous. Their negative traits would include being impatient, stubborn, and impulsive which just all sounds like Meg perfectly tbh.

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?

“I really don’t have any specific view on it. My mother gave me the choice of choosing/doing whatever i wanted to with religion. Maybe i just haven’t figured it out yet.”

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

“Don’t we all have a code of morals? We all know right between wrong, but sometimes we do it anyway. It depends, although it would take a lot for me to compromise it.” Like being forced to frame drugs on Hercules lol.

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

“Tolerant. I like to hear the other side of things or someone’s opinion on the matter.”

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?

Mostly with everyone not because of color or what they look like, but shes always felt skeptical towards people because unless you don’t know that person like the back of your hand you don’t know what they’re capable of. Just like Hades. So pretty much Hades ruined her when it comes to people in general.

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Meg has been comfortable, but there are times when she was younger that her family was hurting for money. 

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?

“Under the radar.”

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?

“I miss my home back in Greece. It was just beautiful, i miss it so much sometimes compared to the form i’m living in at Walt.”

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?

“Probably movies, i love to indulge in fantasy.”

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?

“Nothing really.” Do you mean work for Hades? Then yes, and she doesn’t hate it but she doesn’t love it either. She’s known Hades for so long now that he feels like a friend in a weird twisted way.

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?

Meg will never admit it, but dancing. More of a classical style. Definitely something like this. (x)

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

Meg doesn’t have big meals unless she’s going out to eat, so she snacks a lot.

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his/her favorite:

1. Color?   Purple 2. Smell?  The Ocean 3. Time of day? Sunset 4. Season? Autumn 5. Book? Anything that has to do with Mythology, she has a guilty pleasure for the Percy Jackson series. 6. Music? Upbeat songs, once that are relaxing to listen to. She has a soft spot for ballads. 7. Place? By the crashing waves of crystal blue ocean, by herself with a good book. 8. Substance? Vodka/Wine 9. Plant? Iris 10. Animal? Humming bird

[mirrorteru]

SO there’s this one character surveys from yeeears ago on LiveJournal

LET’S REVISIT IT BECAUSE I

WANT TO DO THESE FOR MY KIDS,

.....starting with Kai,

Body and Appearance

1. Describe the character's height and build. Are they heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

Tall, kinda curvy hips, slightly broad shoulders. Basically kind of hourglass in normal form.

In BR mode, they're just. Really tall, thin, slender, with unnaturally long limbs as well.

2. How old are they?

I've kinda considered their starting mental age was like, 17? Kaito's don't have a set or canon age so... if you add on activation years, mid twenties?

Though, activations years alone, as in, how long they've Actually been 'alive'/active/around, would be about 7 and a half years old right now.

3. Describe their posture. Do they carry themself well or do they slouch?

Tends to stand tall and straight, sometimes with their hands behind their back back/arms crossed behind their back in that sort of-- authority pose.

4. How is their health? Are they fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

uhhhhhhhh

how to put this, since I'm not sure what it'd be considered

There's the whole weird corruption thing going about with them, which affects them physicall as well as.... mentally and spritually. It's physically all up in their hardware and stuff too.

I suppose they could be considered fit as well, I guess. Not... muscular or toned though.

5. How do they move? Are they clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

Their movements tend to be rather graceful, normally. They’re hardly clumsy. If they’re glitching, or deciding to... have some fun... with someone, their movements are still kind of graceful, but also more calculated. Predator-like, especially when definitely in glitch-mode.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How do they perceive themself in the mirror?

Idek, they don't really consider much with their looks at all.

Some of my friends have called them pretty and handsome though?  

7. Describe their complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

Light, paled, honestly slightly grey-ish.

Also, they have blue blood so their blush and wherever blush would show it turns up blue too.

8. Describe their hair: color, texture, style.

A dark blue that fades into a dark reddish--kind of purple at the ends. Mostly since it's... reddish mixed with the blue. So.

Texture is verrrrrrrry soft. Very pettable.

Style is... well, a bit longer than some Kaito units, vaguely wavy and kind of curves at the ends--- bangs curve as well.  Kinda floof.

9. What color are their eyes?

A dark blue, vaguely indigo. Pupils look slit, like a cats. Or demons. Depending on your view on Kai I suppose. Tend to be without highlights as well.

Can turn red if their system indicates a potentially fatal/dangerous error, though. But that comes in steps. Usually, red light in their pupils first, then a red ring in their eyes around the pupil area, then flickers, then totally red. The red coloration doesn't look exactly 'natural' though, since the pupil is bright along with the red ring, while the base behind it is a dark red.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

They tend to have a kind of wide, thin toothy grin for a smile. It's--- not a real smile, but it's common on them as a default.

Their scarf can turn into scarf arms too, and they go between being sneaky to obvious with them. The previously mentioned slit pupils could count as well.

11. What are their chief tension centers?

Shoulders, likely. And shoulder blades, especially in keeping with a straight tall posture most of the time.

12. What is the character's wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit?

Their actual wardrobe is surprisingly big for someone who seems to only ever wear one outfit. They have their default, slightly, regal, dark modified Kaito V3 coat with their symbol on the chest.

Their usual thought on casual is simply taking that off, though they aren’t entirely comfortable having it off. Underneath is a slightly darker Kaito V3 shirt, the turtlenecked sleeveless thing.

Within their wardrobe though, is a collection of various outfits, mostly also dark themed. Some tacky sweaters specifically for winter as well.

They also have a nice collection of dresses, varying for more elegant gothic lolita types to vaguely aristocratic. More mature-type styles.

13. Do their clothes fit well? Do they seem comfortable in them?

Yes, actually! Their clothes are pretty much a perfect fit. ...Well, at least in their normal-looking form. Though they can be modified for BR mode too, quite easily. But it’s likely if they’re going to wear any sort of outfit outside of their default one, they’d stick to looking normal.

14. Do they dress the same on the job as they do in their free time? If not, what are the differences?

They....... don’t have a job. Unless you count maintaining the island, but that doesn’t require a different outfit.

Performing for covers might depend though, but usually there’s not much need for a change there either.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Boxer-briefs.

Speech

1. What does this character's voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

Uh.

Like this.

When it comes to being a Kaito unit with a Kaito voice, they tend to go with their Soft voicebank. Soft, gender factor heightened a bit(or, tone slightly lowered in other words.), ocassionally mixed a slight bit with the straight VB.

Their voice is usually smooth, though their voice has the tendency of glitching depending on their emotions. The glitching can be skipping, sounding more pitch-snapped, broken record-sounding on some sounds, mixed with static, and something akin to pokemon glitch noises.

2. How do they normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Do they talk easily, or do they hesitate?

Soft, evenly. Precisely. Usually speaks easily, unless tripped up by unforseen turns of events. They’re rarely loud unless glitching and Enraged.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

...There’s like, a few ways to answer this--

Like, I mean. On one hand, they could sound like this(I only have song examples I haven’t done talkloid examples I’m sorry,,,), and have the tics and quirks related to that.

On the other, it depends on how the voices for GVF-loids actually work since i’m Not Sure, especially since they were raised by an american kid who also apparently has an accent everyone keeps pointing out as sounding british/european/ ? ? ? ?? despite never being to anywhere in Europe eir whole life.

and ironically when I asked about accents for kai it seemed the way they talk evokes something of a similar feeling-- either that or new england/canadian-ish, but....

So uh, yeah. It depends. To be safe, assume the former. To have fun in imagining, or if somehow someone’d voiceact them... ... the... latter......? not that that’s very descriptive or certain anyway, but. Still.

---Oh, also, when messing around they sometimes go sing-song a little too, or that kind of... playful~ feel. 

4. What language/s does he speak, and with how much fluency?

---hahaha again this entirely depends on how it actually works.

Like, They’re a KAITO unit. Kaito units are Japanese Vocaloids.

But again, they were raised by an american kid. Who didn’t know Japanese.

So it again depends on how Vocaloids in that world work out. Maybe they had language capabilities early on? or at least by the time Teru got them.

For sure English at least though, and definitely can -sing- Japanese.

5. Do they switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

Nope.

6. Are they a good impromptu speaker, or do they have to think about their words?

They generally have to think about their words, but usually doesn’t take noticeably long. Impromptu speeches might be kinda tricky.

7. Are they eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

Eloquent, generally. 

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Are they book-smart or street-smart?

They’re quite smart! They can figure things out and come to conclusions, connect the dots, quickly. 

They might be a little street-smart too, or at least pre-BR and secluding themselves.

2. Do they think on their feet, or do they need time to deliberate?

Typically need at least a little bit of time to deliberate, but if they really need to think on their feet they’d try their best-- not a pro at it though.

3. Describe the character's thought process. Are they more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

Generally logical, and practical. They tend to try to keep an eye on what’s going on or what someone is doing, while not bringing it up immediately unless it seems necessary

4. What kind of education has the character had?

They’ve had, like, no schooling. Never been to a school as a student. 

They do, however, catch on and are able to learn quickly with whatever they want to learn about-- they just teach themself and not in a classroom setting.

5. What are their areas of expertise? What, if anything, are they interested in learning more about?

Cooking! Potentially alright with engineering too, since they built Nana and Blue-- though that was totally self-taught, while with cooking they learned by cooking with Teru.

They likely tend to look up things like weather patterns and how various types of landscapes, biomes, geographies work for the sake of the island as well. They’re also interested in space, even if they can’t get to see ‘actual’ outer space.

6. Are they an introvert or an extrovert?

Introverted, very much an introvert. 

7. Describe the character's temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

It’s... weird? They can keep themself in check sometimes, they generally can have the vibe of some sort of calmness--- but at the same time, especially thanks to their glitches (and corruption), their temper can be noticeable sometimes.

(not to mention once in glitch-mode, they-- have an unnerving calmness to them that just, seemingly out of nowhere sometimes bubbles up into sudden bursts of rage that can leave as quickly as they came.)

They’re --- also more melancholy than anything, by default. They’re laid-back and mellow when they’re by themself/with Rin/not messing with some random person.

8. How do they respond to new people or situations? Are they suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

Typically a little suspicious. It entirely depends on how the new person seems to be though, and if anyone’s with them at the same time, or if they know they new person might already get along with Rin or not.

If Rin’s with them, or they know Rin’s fine with this person they themself haven’t met yet, they tend to--- still be a little suspicious, but calmer and polite.

If they don’t know the new person at all and Rin isn’t with them, and doesn’t know them--- Kai’s likely to decide to have a little Fun with the person, being kiiiind of a creep and messing with them.

---Whether or not that continues, goes overboard, or if they end up switching back to more calmer/polite/kind at a point depends on the individual and what they do/how they act/what seems to be going on with the person.

For situations in general, they--- stay suspicious and cautious, in general. But that also depends on the new situation. 

9. Are they more likely to act, or to react?

--again, depends on the situation. They’ll act if that seems to be the best option, they’ll wait to react if that seems the best.

If it’s dangerous though, they might be more likely to act to make sure nothing else happens, I guess.

10. Which is their default: fight or flight?

Fight. Especially since they’re--- a lot more durable and capable now. Pre-BR they also still had it more at a fight response, though they knew when to run too.

11. Describe the character's sense of humor. Do they appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

They appreciate jokes! Puns make them groan though, but sometimes still can’t help but chuckle.

Their own sense of humor can be considered kind of dark, though. If not that, sometimes it’s kind of teasing. Depends on who they’re with. 

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how do they deal with them?

---I’ll be honest I kind of keep away from talking about this with my muses a lot since I fear things seeming--- .. bad?

or wording things bad

but I mean given everything that’s happened in their life as well

but uh

slides to the next question

13. What moments in this character's life have defined them as a person?

--Likely... realizing how young Teru was despite being their Masuta, the twins activations, seriously glitching for the first time, accidentally stabbing Teru’s eye out, the Third-kun incident...

some other thing in between all of that that I’ve had vague thoughts about but probably falls within the glitching for the first time 

14. What do they fear?

Bees, needles, getting worse and giving in to their glitched thoughts too easily and losing themselves to corruption.......... losing Rin....

15. What are their hopes or aspirations?

They actually... don’t have many. They do just hope for Rin and the rest to have a good life and keep her safe, at least. They don’t have many aspirations for themself, though.

16. What is something they don’t want anyone to find out about them?

The fact that their glitched thoughts and glitch mode is really tempting and can feel enjoyable to them when they’re in it, the full scope of the BR stuff...

Relationships

1. Describe this character's relationship with their parents.

I mean. They don’t have parents, they’re an android.

And even then, they don’t know who their creator was, even in being garage-built. 

Closest would be Teru, being their Masuta? but even then, it’s a weird situation since Teru literally got them when ey was 14, so even if they were barely activated, they were--- still ‘set age’ older than em. So it’s like. Teru was also like a little sibling while also--- vaguely--- parental?

while Kai was like a big brother/sibling but-- also vaguely parental/mom-like even from then. 

...Familial. Most that can be easily said, I guess. They used to get along very well regardless, and were actually very close.

Though, because of the Third-kun incident... that changed. Believing Teru betrayed and lied to them, they’ve held a grudge against em ever since.

But it’s also... complicated because--- part of them--- kinda knows the situation... couldn’t of been how they assumed? But a louder part keeps believing that was the case. They still--- hold some affection towards Teru and, well, that’s partially why Teru isn’t injured or dead right now, given how they can lash out, especially after that event.

Teru pretty much blames emself for it regardless, so. They also likely haven’t interacted or talked in a long time.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

Well I just went slightly in-depth with their relationship with Teru above so no need repeating that

Meanwhile, there’s also the other mansion fams--- or uh, the other Vocaloids Teru owns. Since Kai was the very first, they’re pretty much The Big Brother/Sibling.

 - ...but, that doesn’t mean they all get along or trust them. Kai’s first ‘greeting’ for Sonika was shaving her head, which... is a poor first impression. She’s been weary of them ever since.

 - Ritsu was next, and--- well, things didn’t work out there either, not helped by Ritsu’s own temper and general distrust for people as a Default. As well as being kinda rude. They both became kind of cruel in teasings in retaliation to.... each other basically.  Eventually it settled, but--- Ritsu still hates Kai like a Burning.

 - The Kagamine’s were next, a Christmas present from Teru’s family. Kai pretty much instant had feelings of wanting to protect and care for both of them..

 - Len became more--- cautious though, and given how Kai kind of acted some times, didn’t trust them.Their potential temper, occasional dark jokes, and such-- didn’t make Len comfortable. Mixed with finding out about the whole shaving Sonika’s head thing as a ‘greeting’.....

Kai did notice Len becoming more cautious and suspicious of them, which. Bothered them. Especially since Len was their little brother, basically--- They wanted Len to trust in them and be okay with them but. Never could quite get it right.

 - Rin though, wanted to give Kai a chance, despite Len’s caution. From the start she ended up learning and believing in the good in people, keeping a positive attitude. Not naive though, she’s aware of how bad things can get and kinda were in the world, but--- she still kept hope.

So, this translated out also to Kai. Despite Sonika’s reservations about them and Len’s worries, she saw more good in them than even they kinda knew. So, even from the beginning, she was willing to get close and be with her big brother, get to know them, have some fun with them. She was happy to do so,

The two would also sometimes get into some mischief, but if Kai started getting a bit too far she’d reel it in. 

Truthfully, despite all that, Kai did believe that after the Third event happened, that even she would likely give up and be disgusted with them for all that happened. She likely must of liked that new unit better, right? And now he was gone. By their hands. Especially with what little of those memories still remained.

...but, they were wrong. Rin went to see them a week after to make sure they were okay, and stuck by them even then.

...they didn’t quite understand, but they were thankful. ...though, at the same time, it kinda did Worry them about her, and even now, a few years later from that, she’s helped her a lot but-- they still don’t quite... trust themself.

Rin does though. They might not see a lot of good in themself, but she does.

 - Tei was after them, and--- well. It’s not exactly negative? Tei actually-- relates to them a bit, especially with the glitches. However, considering Len’s caution, worries, and distrust over them, she typically just... steers clear of Kai.

Kai has nothing against Tei for it either, though if anything, kinda does find her slight obsession with Len uncomfortable.

 - Lapis, the small faerie Vocaloid, preeeetty much has always been intimidated by Kai. She’s generally quite timid, so she’s--- easily intimidated in general, but especially with Kai and their... slight vibes because of glitches and such didn’t help. 

Kai did try to be gentle with her though, trying to watch what they did/said but-- slip ups would still happen.

It’s also... kind of likely that that also frustrated them greatly, which--- well, wouldn’t lead to good things.

The whole Third situation and BR didn’t help at all either, the vibes that stuff would give off to her makes her even more terrified.

 - Mayu was after, and they actually used to get along quite well! Nice small chats, having tea together (with Rin too), nice relaxing times despite everything. Another little sister, so.

Unfortunately, after the Third situation... she came to hate Kai, since, as far as she’s aware, and theorizes, they likely killed Third out of jealousy-- being the accidental new KAITO V3 unit, and Kai fearing replacement. She had gotten close to Third in the few months he was actually around, and after that all happens... she’d find it hard to forgive Kai.

Kai’s aware of this as well, and actually... feels pretty terrible about it. Chooses not to think on it often, though.

 - Kiyoteru--- is weird since while he was after the island situation, he’s still...? part of the family. 

Kiyoteru is pretty much more than fine for Kai, and has kind of an interest in them too. Though, that might be because they’re the closet to a high demon that’s on the island.

Kai’s kind of unaware of that all though, but is just kinda glad Kiyo has nothing against them.

 - Rana’s also weird since she’s a rogue unit that just kinda popped up on the island, asserted herself, became part of the family that way.

...Rin at least gets along with her at least and considers her a very good friend, so Kai doesn’t mind her a lot. Even if her assertion is slightly irritating.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom they are close? Are there ones they can't stand?

I mean, again, no blood relatives, they’re an android. 

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them?

AS OF CURRENT BLOG TIME, not really except for--- potentially Kachessa and Rook? But--- that might also one of the next couple of questions better.

Planned though for the future (and toyed with in private) are Kaitou, maybe Ren and Star, also potentially Mint and Pepper.

Though as of now with the reboot they haven’t met Any Of Them, but there are plans. (I mean, aside from Pepper currently, with that interaction thread going. www should be fun )

5. Who is/was the character's best friend? How did they meet?

Rin counts a lot currently as a best friend, while also little sister! Very close regardless.

6. Do they have other close friends?

Kachessa counts right? She popped up in the island and at least in this verse kinda got stuck there. But she and Kai get along real well, and Rook-- her son--- is there too,

Luka definitely counts as well. They get along quite well, too.

7. Do they make friends easily, or do they have trouble getting along with people?

Oh goodness. Again, it entirely depends on the situation or person, but if I had to say a definitive, they do kiiiiind of likely have trouble, which happens when you’re first general reaction to seeing an new, unknown person appear in your territory is ‘....haha let’s give a ~fun~ greeting~’

and by fun I mean kinda messed up/creepy

...also, even past that, they kind of have a difficult time telling when it’d be proper to consider someone a friend, so...

8. Which do they consider more important: family or friends?

I mean, they kinda adopt close close friends in their mind as family so--- Both are important---

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Have they been married more than once?

Nnnnope, never married, not interested in ever marrying either.

Can androids even get married in the GVF-verse? 

10. Are they currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

Again. Not married. Not interested. Also, they’re aromantic too so---

11. Who was their first crush? Who is their latest?

Irrelevant, I don’t think they’ve really ever crushed on anyone ever

12. What do they look for in a romantic partner?

points at past couple questions

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how do they relate to them? If no, does he want any?

No, and no.

14. Do they have any rivals or enemies?

...Not at the moment? That I’m aware of, anyway, idek if they would of made some enemies pre-br or anything. Will is a potential enemy but they don’t even know he exists, so.

15. What is the character's sexual orientation? Where do they fall on the Kinsey scale?

I mean, they’re Aromantic Asexual. But guys are more aesthetically pleasing to them in a sense? It’s likely they thought about this before but kinda ignored it/not knowing what to make.

How does it even count when you’re agender, not even I’m totally sure on that, and I’m agender too. but man I’m not gonna get into that in a character survey,

16. How do they feel about sex? How important is it to them?

not important at all, no interest in it no need for it no attraction to it either.

17. What are their turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

nope

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character's astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type?

Dude I have no idea, if I go with their activation date I think they’d be a Cancer, but in reality I have no idea what kind of chart would Actually Fit Them. 

I mean, I love astrology, but I do wonder how it’d work with Androids---

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in their life?

...hhhhonestly they’re at a weird spot with it.

They’re aware souls exist, they they and other androids in general likely have souls-- but...

it’s... weird? They aren’t sure about religions or what’d be ‘right’ or what they believe in with that stuff. They’ve looked into spiritual stuff in general before, but... yeah, they don’t know where they stand or believe with that stuff. Literally getting turned into some vague eldritch monster in a pocket dimension also kinda muddied it up.

Magic clearly exists. Souls clearly exist. The heck does it all count in? 

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

---While their moral compass can be a little screwy, they do believe in protecting those they care about. They also at least keep to basic things like, not stealing, and stuff.

But ah-- mainly because of their glitches (and corruption), it gets kinda skewed in messing with people, or... killing. And punishments, if pushed far.

They’re Chaotic Good/leaning on Neutral.

4. How do they regard beliefs that differ from theirs? Are they tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

Actually kind of curious, even if they don’t know where they stand on some of their own. Tbh as long as they aren’t bothering other people with it (or like, ruining peoples lives with it or trying to push stuff that would ruin peoples lives) they’re pretty much alright.

5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them?

I mean, humans are pretty fragile. Dunno if that counts though.

Daily Life

1. What is the character's financial situation? Are they rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Pre-BR, it-- changed a lot? When they were first activated, Teru wasn’t rich at all. Also, just 14. However, thanks to Sonika starting a fashion brand, working on her clothes and selling them, their family in general started becoming more well-off.

As is now, it doesn’t matter a lot. Though it is possible there’s still money on-hand, they don’t need to use it on the island. Everything is just provided.

2. What is their social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected them?

---See above. Though as for social status I’m not sure, I can’t see them wanting too much to go in the lime-light, or, well, at least Kai and Teru wouldn’t. The additional money at least helped with financial worries, though?

Though they did kind of have small fantasies of becoming super rich, not having to worry about a thing, all of them living in their own big ol’ mansion on their own property.......

3. Where do they live? House, apartment, trailer? Is their home their castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Do they share it with others?

A Freaking Mansion. A dark-colored one, as that. It’s pretty much their castle too, a base of operations, a shelter to hide themself in. It’s kept up with very well, and they’re willing to share it with anyone they care for-- but, mostly, they just share it with Rin (who has her very own room in it despite also having her own place with Len), and their pet cat Kou.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what do they spend their money on?

--Again, no need to use money themself. Pre-BR was mainly ice cream though, surprise surprise.

...though I guess if needed, potential games or such for Rin too. I’m--- not actually sure how they GET to the island in the first place, but. Handwave. Magic.

5. What do they do for a living? Are they good at it? Do they enjoy it, or would they rather be doing something else?

They don’t... do anything for a living? The most they do is cook a lot and try reading books to learn new things or just for the sake of it. Also, always cooking.

But none of it is done for money, just their own enjoyment/wants/to feed Rin and Kou.

6. What are their interests or hobbies? How do they spend his free time?

Cooking! Also, reading. For a while on their spare time they would also tinker with Nana and Blue back when they were working on the two, is was a big learning experience making them.

But yeah, in general they either cook food or snacks in their free time, or just read. Might also read up on stuff Rin is interested in, too.

7. What are their eating habits? Do they skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

....well, pre-BR they tried to eat a regular 3 meals a day. Post-BR, they don’t even -need- to eat, so they--- tend to uh. Not eat often, save for tasting when cooking.

...also, they’ve never tried alcohol at all before, and REALLY don’t care too. Given they hear descriptions of it messing with self control or somethin’, they think that + their glitches would likely equal disaster.

They also mainly kind of avoid spicy foods, they are Really, Really Weak to spiciness. 

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his favorite:

1. Color? Dark blue, or purple. Sometimes reds. 2. Smell? Warm baked goods, vaguely sweet 3. Time of day? Evening, Dusk 4. Season? Fall/Winter 5. Book? i don’t read books enough to have one in mind 6. Music? this song, or this 7. Place? The parks at night, or a fancy mansion. Or a chefs kitchen-- 8. Substance? ice cream. ...br goop? ...ice? I don’t really know what this is asking for, 9. Plant? blue or black roses maybe? there were also these dark blue/purple lilies I saw at the store once. ...though really I have no clue for this one. 10. Animal? Cats

[erraticfairy]

Podcast: Improve Your Mental Health with Super Powers



Life is tough. Life with mental illness is tougher. Life with mental illness on top of other conditions and life experiences can seem too tough. Today’s guest shares how she dealt with Tourette Syndrome, OCD, anxiety, depression, and many other things, by tapping into her own super powers. Perhaps you can, too.

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About Our Guest

Everyone has challenges but some people have more than others. Brett Francis knows this from personal experience. Only now she turns those challenges—her own and other people’s—into assets. Her mantra is “no one is broken” and she means it when she says “our struggles are not our fault.”

Her Not Broken® Radio show is heard on hundreds of stations throughout the globe; she is the bestselling author of Not Broken: How to Overcome Mental Health Challenges and Unlock Your Full Potential. In addition, she hosts the TV series Breaking the Barriers.

Some of the challenges that have made Brett a stronger person include Tourette’s syndrome, ADHD, childhood bullying, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, an abusive relationship, a miscarriage and depression.

Brett’s mission is to educate individuals and society at large about mental health and why having mental health issues or a family member with them is a lot more normal than most people think. She wants to eradicate the stigma associated with mental health and disabilities so that those who are coping with such issues realize they are no different than having diabetes or some other common physical ailment. She advocates for greater education and awareness of these common problems.

mentalhealthspeaks.com

@brettspeaksnow

SUPER POWERS SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health –  with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me as always is Vincent M. Wales. And today Vince and I will be talking with Brett Francis. Brett’s mission is to educate individuals and society at large about mental health and why having mental health issues or a family member with them is a lot more normal than people think. Brett. welcome to the show.

Brett Francis: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you guys having me on.

Gabe Howard: Oh it’s our pleasure.

Vincent M. Wales: Definitely glad to have you. Brett, my first question is this: how did this become your mission? What happened in your life to push you in this direction?

Brett Francis: Yeah well, it was a long road, I’ll tell you that for sure. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and severe ADHD. And then of course, 17, I was rediagnosed with the same, but in addition, anxiety, OCD, panic disorder. Now that doesn’t mean that I only had anxiety when I was 17. Since I can remember. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic and mental health, mood regulation, all those kinds of things. And I think a lot of it was from being bullied when I was in high school. I was bullied very badly. I was shoved in lockers every day. And that really was the big start of it. You know, when I was seven years old, my parents said, Oh, just tell everybody that you’ve got Tourette’s Syndrome. Well, as you guys know, mental health is mis-educated or maybe not known a lot about, sometimes, or it’s a taboo topic, which we’re all working at bringing more awareness to it and making it less taboo and more of normal conversation. But Tourette’s is still one of those things that is very misunderstood. And so people would think, oh she’s going to be swearing like the girl on the movie or like the person in the movie. And so I got really ridiculed and bullied for my Tourette’s Syndrome for a very long time, shoved in lockers every day, and then when I was 15 years old, I was raped for my first time. And then, through that I did a lot of substance abuse and I really was starting to fail in school after my rape. And so I had a lot of mercy passing because the teachers felt sorry that I was being bullied. And at this time there wasn’t a lot of education about not only Tourette’s Syndrome, about mental illness. Parents did the best that they could, but it was still a really really big struggle for me. And so, when I turned 18 years old, very shortly after I turned 18, I actually got pregnant unexpectedly with my high school sweetheart and then at 19 I had a miscarriage at about four months. And then I hit rock bottom, and through all of this, after my rape, after some traumatic events in my life,and then again after my miscarriage, was the last attempt that I had on my own life, to take my own life. And so I’ve struggled through my whole life and still to this very day I have bad days. And I just want to bring… my mission has become that because I want to bring awareness to mental health and help people understand that it is normal, it’s just like having diabetes or you get a broken leg you get a cast. If you have mental illness, you try medication. You know, really working at normalizing that because I would’ve done anything for somebody to be able to relate to me and say, hey that doesn’t make you a screw up, like I felt a lot of my life, I felt very broken for a very big portion of my life. And that’s why I do what I do, not only because I’m passionate about it but I just know I love every minute of it. And that’s become my life’s mission.

Gabe Howard: I love that and I also love the way that Vin asked the question. It’s like we see that you’re a mental health advocate. What happened to you? And I say that to be a little bit funny but it really is true. I’ve noticed that people in the mental health advocacy space are either people like like me, I live with bipolar disorder, or people like you with Tourette’s Syndrome and anxiety and everything that we just learned about you; Vin, of course, has persistent depressive disorder and it really seems like either you or somebody that you love suffers from a mental illness in order to really occupy this space. And I’m hoping that some day I will walk up to somebody and say, Oh my God, you’re a mental illness advocate. Why? And they’ll say, because mental illness is serious. And I’ll be like well but you have it, right? No. A loved one? No, mental illness is serious. We need to help out. And that will just be like a great day – a great day.

Vincent M. Wales: That would be nice.

Brett Francis: I really look forward to that day, too. I mean just to hear, yeah I’m passionate about it… You know, you hear people, kids talk about being an astronaut, a geologist, a trained person. Or a veterinarian or six foot tall blond model. That’s what I want to be when I grew up, still, by the way, guys. [laughter] And where is the, oh I’m passionate about mental illness a I want to stop the stigma, just because I can. Instead of being an astronaut or whatever, I look forward to that day as well.

Vincent M. Wales: So earlier you mentioned Tourette’s Syndrome and how it’s so misunderstood, because as you pointed, out most people just think of it as the stereotypical swearing without any kind of restraint sort of thing. But it takes many other forms. Can you share some of those with our audience?

Brett Francis: So the swearing is actually called coprolalia and it only happens of 4 to 7 percent of people with Tourette’s Syndrome. So Tourette’s Syndrome is divided into a couple of different things. You have motor tics and then you have verbal tics. And then out of those each of those there’s simple and then there’s complex tics. Simple ones would be like hand jerks, sniffing, snorting, blinking your eyes, lip smacking, things like that. Those are really a lot of the common simple ones. And now when we get into the complex ones, that can be anything from, like I’ve had these where my tics are so bad that I feel like I need to echo the sounds on an action movie or something, or some people feel the need to bark like a dog or repeat themselves saying something, and they have to say it in just the right way and just the tone of voice. That one I actually know, like I said, from the sound effects in movies, or yell at the screen, or things like that. So it’s a lot of different, uncontrollable… and sometimes, I’m like, wow I didn’t know that my Tourette’s would want me to do that. You know, like you just have these new tics, they’re ever changing. So when I was younger I did have quite a bit of prominent verbal tics and I was yelling. I never swore, but in the middle of my sentences… they were… my sentences were like 100 different volumes. I’d be from screaming at the top of my lungs to like hardly mumbling. I had this one where I had to breathe all of my air out and I had to go, [heavy exhale] and breathe it all out to the point where I had nothing left in my lungs. And as you age and mature into it, you can either grow out of it or you can continue on with it. And it’s fairly mild because it’s worse than your hormonal years when you’re going through puberty and all that stuff. But as you mature into it, your tics kind of get solidified. There’s a few small ones and then there’s a few ones that are like moving, and so it’s sometimes every six months I’ll be surprised I’ll be like, Oh this one’s fun, you know? So it’s changing. And so sometimes it’s new but it’s also frustrating sometimes because you’re like, oh I just got used to the one that I was the new one that I had six months ago, now I have another tick. So and sometimes you go three years and you don’t have a new one.

Vincent M. Wales: Very interesting.

Gabe Howard: I did not know that either. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.

Brett Francis: You’re welcome.

Gabe Howard: You are the host of the Not Broken radio show, which is heard on many different radio stations throughout America. Can you tell us why did you name it Not Broken?

Brett Francis: Well, it actually followed my book. So my book is called Not Broken and that’s where I came up with “not broken,” because I spent a large portion of my life feeling very broken and going into psychologists, psychiatrists, counselor’s appointments, and even people in the general population, with the stigma I felt like a screw up and like I couldn’t do anything right. And I’m sure that you guys have felt like that before with your mental illness.

Gabe Howard: Many times, many times.

Brett Francis: And that’s not a good feeling to have like you don’t fit anywhere. And so the book and the Not Broken name was inspired by feeling like that for a lot of my life. So I say, whenever I talk about mental health, my slogan is “not broken,” because people with mental health challenges and disabilities are not broken. And they don’t need to be stereotypically fixed. That doesn’t mean that they won’t need to learn to manage or doesn’t mean that they don’t need help, but they’re not broken. You know, we don’t look at a person with diabetes as broken. We look at them as somebody who needs to manage that disease. And I think we should look at mental illness the same.

Gabe Howard: I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much. I love that. I love that.

Brett Francis: Thank you.

Vincent M. Wales: Let’s talk about how mental health and physical health are linked. It’s something that Gabe and I have brought up several times over the course of our show. But I don’t think it’s ever been spoken about enough. Do you have any input on that?

Brett Francis: I’ll share a personal story. Recently on my spouse’s side, his nephew is 15 years old and he was hearing voices and he was scared that he was going to harm himself and other people. And so he said, like, I need I need help in voicing this. And we took him into the hospital and the hospital said, oh he’s hearing voices, but the mental health worker, crisis worker comes in and says, oh, he told me that he’s not worried about harming anybody, that he also promised that he wouldn’t harm himself or others. And we said, he’s 15 years old like he’s impulsive and he’s worried about that impulse may strike and that’s what it’s going to happen. It’s not like it’s premeditated. And so we really struggled because they wanted to see somebody for chest pains or a broken leg or there was a person in there that also they were treating for an overdose. They want to see the physical stuff. And I don’t think that it’s that they don’t take it seriously, I think it’s not 100 percent sure what to do in the hospital because there’s a lack resources. And so anyways, I basically sat down and I plunked my butt down in the chair and I said, look, we’re not leaving here until this gets taken seriously. He’s got a younger brother at home and he’s worried he’s going to hurt somebody or himself. And he’s hearing voices. And I said, he needs to be seen. He needs to be treated. And he needs to be admitted. And I said, we’re not signing any kind of liability release or self care plan or non self harm plan. So they get you to sign the papers and they tried to get him to sign them without anybody being present. And I felt like it was really not… like he wasn’t being taken seriously. Like I said, not at the fault of the people who work in the hospital because the nurses and doctors are amazing and they’re great at what they do and they care for people. And that’s incredible. But I just think that they really didn’t know what to do especially because it was a northern rural community. It was very difficult for them to know like they had to call the mental health crisis team and then the crisis team had to call the psychiatrist and then the psychiatrist finally said, Okay admit this  15 year old boy. And so I think that we really need to work at it and I was reading an article as well and in many states and provinces in the US, Canada, everywhere and all over the world, people that go into emergency rooms for mental illness are often discharged and those are the people that are back and they continue to come back because they continue to struggle. And so sometimes people know that they’re struggling mentally and sometimes they don’t. They go and talk like with me when I was panic disorder I would go into the hospital when I was younger for chest pains, thinking I was having a heart attack. Well it wasn’t a heart attack. It was my panic disorder. And so being a person that’s been dismissed in the hospital without things like that being taken seriously and then having to wait after you’ve been there four times because you’re having chest pains, then then waiting for 16 hours this is just a really frustrating thing. So having been in those shoes before in the emergency room for mental illness and with the lack of resources and education and the lack of the link that we’re talking about for mental health and physical health when the two go hand-in-hand. I mean if you’re depressed, the first thing I do when I’m depressed is I put on sweats and sit on the couch. Your personal hygiene goes, your mental health directly affects your physical health and vice versa. If I’m not feeling well physically, I’m not having a good day mentally, either, and I’m sure that you guys with your diagnoses, see the same thing.

Gabe Howard: Oh yeah it’s fascinating to me. You know physical health is your body and mental health is your brain. But of course your brain is IN your body. It’s fascinating.

Brett Francis: Yeah exactly.

Gabe Howard: You know we don’t have mental health, physical health, and then a separate stage for heart health, because we understand that the heart is in the body. It’s like everything is combined except for the way that we think and feel. And you’re right, it absolutely drives everything. People who are depressed are more likely to smoke, they’re more likely to overeat, they’re less likely to exercise, they’re less likely to build sustainable friendships or relationships. So that’s a support system. Everything just sort of spirals out of control from these thoughts and feelings that definitely have, a massive impact on our physical safety and surroundings and potentially – I always like to say potentially – the safety of those around us. And the fact that you knew what you were looking for and came in and said it and you still had some pushback is obviously something that we want to change. I like how you said we’re not trying to throw people under the bus or blame them. We’re just saying that we have to do better.

Brett Francis: Exactly. And those nurses and doctors were amazing and once he was admitted, they were great. But a lot of times the nurses on the E.R., ‘cuz he was put in a pediatric ward, they are not 100 percent sure how to handle it. He had a suicide watch nurse that was at his side 24/7 and they’re not entirely sure like what to say to him. They have to either do the steps of calling a mental health crisis team, well they were only in Monday to Friday 9 to 4, and then the psychiatrist wasn’t in until Monday and he worked Monday to Friday as well. So when you really have an emergency on a Saturday night, essentially that system -like I said no fault of anybody involved – but that system is… you gotta be in the hospital for two days or get discharged and come back on Monday or wait six months or a year to get referred to a psychiatrist and specialist. So it’s really frustrating being on the other end of that, being the person who’s experiencing it for themselves or for a loved one, being able to say, look I know that this is happening, especially even when I went and said like, I know what’s happening, still being kind of unintentionally given time to the dismissive and the runaround. I don’t think people were intentionally trying to brush it off. I just think they didn’t know what to do with it. So finally the psychiatrist was called after four hours in emergency.

Vincent M. Wales: Well, I think you’re experienced too also speaks to the tragic shortness of psychiatrists that we have right now. And you said it was in a rural area, which just adds to the problem there.

Brett Francis: Yeah, and then there’s less resources for counseling and stuff in the rural areas where people aren’t in the main center.

Vincent M. Wales: Exactly. Exactly.

Gabe Howard: We will see in a moment after we hear from our sponsor.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back everyone. We’re here with Brett Francis, author of the book Not Broken. So what are, as you put it, mental illness superpowers?

Brett Francis: Well, mental illness superpowers, I actually kind of came up with that through building my career and speaking and things like that, where I realized I can actually use my mental illness to to an advantage here, like it doesn’t have to be always something that cripples me, it doesn’t have to be always something that makes me feel like garbage. It doesn’t have to be always something that I’m judging myself for or other people, I feel like other people are judging me for, it doesn’t have to be a downfall and it doesn’t have to be, so to speak, a fault that I look at. You know we all look at ourselves in the mirror and point out our own imperfections. People with mental illness look into their own minds and point out the flaws that they think they have and they judge themselves for it and we’re out own self-critics. So a big part of what I do is really embracing that mental illness and figuring out what has it brought your life. And initially people say to me like, what? Like what are you talking about? Like I live with depression I’m chronically depressed, how has that brought any benefit to my life? And one of my friends that has chronic depression, I said to her, I said, think of something that it’s brought, like who do you think you wouldn’t be, or what has it brought to your life? Well, it took her hours. So she finally called me back and said, You know, Brett, I’m a paramedic and I care for people for living and I don’t think that I’d be doing that without depression. And I’m really empathetic. So I’m really in tune as well with other people feelings, and I can provide empathy, I can be a good wife, and I can really understand where people are coming from and empathize with how they’re feeling and also pick up on it. And I said, Well what’s not great about that? So for me, one of the first things was, well, if I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t be organized enough to do my own thing. I’d be so scatterbrained, I wouldn’t be organized enough to be in business, to run a business, to write a book. You know I’m not saying I don’t struggle with those things. And that I don’t have bad days. But without the OCD, I wouldn’t be a business owner, without my ADHD, I wouldn’t be as creative, without my anxiety, I wouldn’t have the amount of energy that I do and the amount of passion that I do, without my Tourette’s Syndrome, I wouldn’t be who I am or what I am today and doing what I do today. If I hadn’t had the past of my bullying, my substance abuse, if I hadn’t had all those… I mean don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t wish those things on my worst enemy… But those things are what made me the person that I am today, sharing my story, the person that loves to change people’s lives, the person that loves to bring awareness to mental health and fight for the advocacy. I would not be that person had I not had my diagnoses. So that’s what mental health superpowers are.

Gabe Howard: I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. I like the way that you worded it and tried to tie it together. You know, sometimes I go the other way, where I say that there’s no superpower in mental illness. These are just innate skills that a person has that they’re able to use. And when I talk to people that say no no no no I’m turning my mental illness as negatives into positives… On one hand, I want to be like, No there’s no positive about mental illness, but on the other hand, I really appreciate the reframing. And this is why I am so glad that there are multiple voices out there because the reality is I’m kind of a realist, I’m kind of a pessimistic guy and that’s how I choose to deal with my symptoms and mental illness. But other people are more optimistic and they see things differently and they’re going to completely agree with you. And this is why I feel that all voices are important, because if you were the only voice, you’d never connect to me and if I was the only voice, I’d never connect to you. But thankfully, multiple voices allows everybody to feel connected and we’re all on the same side. So, so thank you.

Brett Francis: Thank you. I mean thank you for sharing as well. I would say I’m more on the optimist scale of that. However, my anxiety and I’m sure you guys experience that with your mental health as well, it’s almost like a Jekyll and Hyde type thing where one minute…

Gabe Howard: Oh yes!

Brett Francis: I’m an optimist. And then in a split-second and the snap of a finger, I can be the worst pessimist in the world and all life is going down the drain and I’m a failure and I’m always a waste of time and blah blah blah. You guys know the drill, right? It’s the snap of a finger and it can change in a split second. I can be the pessimist.

Gabe Howard: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Brett Francis: I could be Mr. Hyde, and it could just switch in a flash and it’s very frustrating sometimes. But I’m still back and forth and I yo-yo so much with my mood, with anxiety, that I know that there’s gonna be some sort of snap of a flash and I’m gonna be optimist Brett again in like the next millisecond or half an hour or the next day. You know, I know that that’s coming. So, that kind of gives me a little bit of hope because I’m like well I know that the optimist, resilient, stubborn Brett is in there somewhere, she’s gotta come out eventually. Just poke it a little bit, you know?

Gabe Howard: That is very cool, and I think this is a nice segue into self stigma. Because you talk about self stigma a lot and the different ways that it affects us. So can you talk about that a little bit?

Brett Francis: A lot of people really undervalue what they say to themselves and then they mean anxiety and all mental illnesses like it puts those doubts in your head where it’s like, I’m a failure, I’m not good enough, and it’s continuing to tell you everything that you can’t and won’t, or should haves and could haves. My counselor says, focus on the can dos and the have dones. But that’s not anxiety. So anxiety’s like this pestering… you know the angel and the devil sitting on your shoulder? It’s like the devil is there all of the time, just whispering in your ear that you’re not good enough. And so that’s a big part of stigma. And sometimes it’s easier to control and other times it’s not easy to control at all. You have this way that you feel you should be, and I think as human beings naturally, with or without mental illness, we have that self critic, where we try to make ourselves feel like we should be this or we should be that or we should have more money or we should have a better job or we should be married by now or all these things that we say the should haves. We naturally are programmed to think of that as human beings, like our society seems to always focus on, oh I’m not skinny enough, I’m not, I’m not well-off enough. And so we focus on the negatives naturally as a society. Throw mental health in the mix and we’re really giving ourselves a hard time. And so it’s just this continuing negative Nancy in your head. And so we give ourselves the self stigma where it’s almost turning into a double depression. So I don’t know if you guys have that or not, but like when you’re depressed, you’re like, oh crud, like why am I depressed? I shouldn’t be depressed right now. You get depressed about being depressed.

Gabe Howard: Yeah, guilt.

Brett Francis: I get anxiety about having anxiety. I’m like, why am I anxious right now? And then I start to overthink like why am I just anxious? So it’s anxiety about having anxiety depression or having depression. And it’s really this spiral. If you don’t stop it, it can get out of hand really really fast with that self stigma. So we give ourselves anxiety about having everything or it’s just a double negative. And so that’s a really big role that that my anxiety tried to play in my own mental health is it’s tried to give me anxiety about being anxious or feeling depressed about being depressed. And it just really gets us nowhere. And so we also undervalue the self care in that as well. So we forget to take care of our minds and our bodies while we’re going through that.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah, sounds about right to me.

Gabe Howard: Not wrong at all.

Vincent M. Wales: Now that you’ve mentioned self care… There are misconceptions about self care out there. Self care, emotional well-being, all of these things. Can you talk about some of those misconceptions?

Brett Francis: I think one of the biggest misconceptions about self care is that it’s selfish. We hear this, you can’t take care of somebody to the best of your ability until you’re taken care of. I mean, why do you think when you go on a plane, the safety demonstration says put your own air mask on first and then help others. So when you are breathing properly your brain is more clear and therefore you can help other people put their mask on, such as children, other people that may need help, somebody that you’re with. But as soon as you have that breath of air and you get that oxygen flowing in into your body, you’re thinking more clearly because you’re taken care of. So that’s exactly the same reason why they tell you to put that mask on first for yourself and then help others. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t give others our everything. We can’t take care of our spouses, our children, our friends, and be there for them as much as we could be with our own self care, so we’re giving ourselves or I guess losing not only to self care and all of its benefits but we’re also losing possible potential to be something more to somebody else that we love. Another common misconception would be that, I don’t need self care. I’m good. Everybody needs self care. People with or without mental illness. People with mental illness. We have to find out really what we’re. I mean the value money everybody. No one will be that it’s an on that important one. Another one would be that it’s not that important. Well it really is. And then the one along with selfish is that people think I need to take care of everybody else first and then I can take care of me. And then the last one I guess that I think is most common is that it takes a lot of time. Well no it actually doesn’t. You know talking about meditation, you can do that twice a day for 10 minutes. It’s literally the amount of time that you would spend going and freshening up and brushing your hair or something. So you go and you brush your hair. So instead of going to brush your hair or maybe you need to brush your hair, too, spend five minutes just meditating and breathing, people really think that it takes, oh I’ve got to invest three hours a day into going to the gym, eating right, all this stuff. And so people get very overwhelmed because they’re like, oh I have to start with three hours of self care in order get anywhere. It can start with like five minutes a day. So people really have that big misconception, as well.  That’s how I felt, initially when I started reading self help books. After my miscarriage and my depression and suicide attempt, I started reading books. And I went, boy do I have a lot to do. Like, if I want to turn my life around, holy man, like am I ever gonna get there? And sometimes I still feel like that. I’ll go to see my counselor and I’ll be like, oh boy, I just wrote down 18 things that I think that I have to do. And so I’ll take that back to my counselor next time and she’ll be like, Brett, what are you doing? Like, these are not 18 things you have to do. The stuff we talked about is the things you need to check off your list and improve on yourself. There are things where we can eventually get to. Like, that doesn’t need to happen right now.  And I’m like, well I’ve got a plan. And she’s like, that’s going to take you like half a working day to get them today. And I”m like, OK. Right. So let’s do the five or ten minute thing. Right. So we all I think do that when you get overwhelmed like, holy man, do I ever have a lot to work on before my mental health improves. Or do I ever have a lot to work on before I lose weight. And people just think that it’s going to be this long, drawn out, tedious task and it’s really not.

Vincent M. Wales: You’re absolutely right.

Gabe Howard: Makes sense completely. Brett, the time just flies by. Before we close out the show, can you tell folks where we can find you?

Brett Francis: They can go to my website at mentalhealthspeaks.com. I’m also on Facebook and Twitter, handle would be @brettspeaksnow.

Gabe Howard: Brett, thank you so much you were a great guest. We look forward to having you on the show again. It was absolutely wonderful. Thank you for being here.

Brett Francis: Thank you so much for having you guys and also for sharing your own personal lives with me.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counselling anytime, anywhere just by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We will see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email talkback@psychcentral.com.

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

    Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

      from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2TAw41l via theshiningmind.com

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Podcast: Improve Your Mental Health with Super Powers



Life is tough. Life with mental illness is tougher. Life with mental illness on top of other conditions and life experiences can seem too tough. Today’s guest shares how she dealt with Tourette Syndrome, OCD, anxiety, depression, and many other things, by tapping into her own super powers. Perhaps you can, too.

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About Our Guest

Everyone has challenges but some people have more than others. Brett Francis knows this from personal experience. Only now she turns those challenges—her own and other people’s—into assets. Her mantra is “no one is broken” and she means it when she says “our struggles are not our fault.”

Her Not Broken® Radio show is heard on hundreds of stations throughout the globe; she is the bestselling author of Not Broken: How to Overcome Mental Health Challenges and Unlock Your Full Potential. In addition, she hosts the TV series Breaking the Barriers.

Some of the challenges that have made Brett a stronger person include Tourette’s syndrome, ADHD, childhood bullying, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, an abusive relationship, a miscarriage and depression.

Brett’s mission is to educate individuals and society at large about mental health and why having mental health issues or a family member with them is a lot more normal than most people think. She wants to eradicate the stigma associated with mental health and disabilities so that those who are coping with such issues realize they are no different than having diabetes or some other common physical ailment. She advocates for greater education and awareness of these common problems.

mentalhealthspeaks.com

@brettspeaksnow

SUPER POWERS SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health –  with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me as always is Vincent M. Wales. And today Vince and I will be talking with Brett Francis. Brett’s mission is to educate individuals and society at large about mental health and why having mental health issues or a family member with them is a lot more normal than people think. Brett. welcome to the show.

Brett Francis: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you guys having me on.

Gabe Howard: Oh it’s our pleasure.

Vincent M. Wales: Definitely glad to have you. Brett, my first question is this: how did this become your mission? What happened in your life to push you in this direction?

Brett Francis: Yeah well, it was a long road, I’ll tell you that for sure. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and severe ADHD. And then of course, 17, I was rediagnosed with the same, but in addition, anxiety, OCD, panic disorder. Now that doesn’t mean that I only had anxiety when I was 17. Since I can remember. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic and mental health, mood regulation, all those kinds of things. And I think a lot of it was from being bullied when I was in high school. I was bullied very badly. I was shoved in lockers every day. And that really was the big start of it. You know, when I was seven years old, my parents said, Oh, just tell everybody that you’ve got Tourette’s Syndrome. Well, as you guys know, mental health is mis-educated or maybe not known a lot about, sometimes, or it’s a taboo topic, which we’re all working at bringing more awareness to it and making it less taboo and more of normal conversation. But Tourette’s is still one of those things that is very misunderstood. And so people would think, oh she’s going to be swearing like the girl on the movie or like the person in the movie. And so I got really ridiculed and bullied for my Tourette’s Syndrome for a very long time, shoved in lockers every day, and then when I was 15 years old, I was raped for my first time. And then, through that I did a lot of substance abuse and I really was starting to fail in school after my rape. And so I had a lot of mercy passing because the teachers felt sorry that I was being bullied. And at this time there wasn’t a lot of education about not only Tourette’s Syndrome, about mental illness. Parents did the best that they could, but it was still a really really big struggle for me. And so, when I turned 18 years old, very shortly after I turned 18, I actually got pregnant unexpectedly with my high school sweetheart and then at 19 I had a miscarriage at about four months. And then I hit rock bottom, and through all of this, after my rape, after some traumatic events in my life,and then again after my miscarriage, was the last attempt that I had on my own life, to take my own life. And so I’ve struggled through my whole life and still to this very day I have bad days. And I just want to bring… my mission has become that because I want to bring awareness to mental health and help people understand that it is normal, it’s just like having diabetes or you get a broken leg you get a cast. If you have mental illness, you try medication. You know, really working at normalizing that because I would’ve done anything for somebody to be able to relate to me and say, hey that doesn’t make you a screw up, like I felt a lot of my life, I felt very broken for a very big portion of my life. And that’s why I do what I do, not only because I’m passionate about it but I just know I love every minute of it. And that’s become my life’s mission.

Gabe Howard: I love that and I also love the way that Vin asked the question. It’s like we see that you’re a mental health advocate. What happened to you? And I say that to be a little bit funny but it really is true. I’ve noticed that people in the mental health advocacy space are either people like like me, I live with bipolar disorder, or people like you with Tourette’s Syndrome and anxiety and everything that we just learned about you; Vin, of course, has persistent depressive disorder and it really seems like either you or somebody that you love suffers from a mental illness in order to really occupy this space. And I’m hoping that some day I will walk up to somebody and say, Oh my God, you’re a mental illness advocate. Why? And they’ll say, because mental illness is serious. And I’ll be like well but you have it, right? No. A loved one? No, mental illness is serious. We need to help out. And that will just be like a great day – a great day.

Vincent M. Wales: That would be nice.

Brett Francis: I really look forward to that day, too. I mean just to hear, yeah I’m passionate about it… You know, you hear people, kids talk about being an astronaut, a geologist, a trained person. Or a veterinarian or six foot tall blond model. That’s what I want to be when I grew up, still, by the way, guys. [laughter] And where is the, oh I’m passionate about mental illness a I want to stop the stigma, just because I can. Instead of being an astronaut or whatever, I look forward to that day as well.

Vincent M. Wales: So earlier you mentioned Tourette’s Syndrome and how it’s so misunderstood, because as you pointed, out most people just think of it as the stereotypical swearing without any kind of restraint sort of thing. But it takes many other forms. Can you share some of those with our audience?

Brett Francis: So the swearing is actually called coprolalia and it only happens of 4 to 7 percent of people with Tourette’s Syndrome. So Tourette’s Syndrome is divided into a couple of different things. You have motor tics and then you have verbal tics. And then out of those each of those there’s simple and then there’s complex tics. Simple ones would be like hand jerks, sniffing, snorting, blinking your eyes, lip smacking, things like that. Those are really a lot of the common simple ones. And now when we get into the complex ones, that can be anything from, like I’ve had these where my tics are so bad that I feel like I need to echo the sounds on an action movie or something, or some people feel the need to bark like a dog or repeat themselves saying something, and they have to say it in just the right way and just the tone of voice. That one I actually know, like I said, from the sound effects in movies, or yell at the screen, or things like that. So it’s a lot of different, uncontrollable… and sometimes, I’m like, wow I didn’t know that my Tourette’s would want me to do that. You know, like you just have these new tics, they’re ever changing. So when I was younger I did have quite a bit of prominent verbal tics and I was yelling. I never swore, but in the middle of my sentences… they were… my sentences were like 100 different volumes. I’d be from screaming at the top of my lungs to like hardly mumbling. I had this one where I had to breathe all of my air out and I had to go, [heavy exhale] and breathe it all out to the point where I had nothing left in my lungs. And as you age and mature into it, you can either grow out of it or you can continue on with it. And it’s fairly mild because it’s worse than your hormonal years when you’re going through puberty and all that stuff. But as you mature into it, your tics kind of get solidified. There’s a few small ones and then there’s a few ones that are like moving, and so it’s sometimes every six months I’ll be surprised I’ll be like, Oh this one’s fun, you know? So it’s changing. And so sometimes it’s new but it’s also frustrating sometimes because you’re like, oh I just got used to the one that I was the new one that I had six months ago, now I have another tick. So and sometimes you go three years and you don’t have a new one.

Vincent M. Wales: Very interesting.

Gabe Howard: I did not know that either. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.

Brett Francis: You’re welcome.

Gabe Howard: You are the host of the Not Broken radio show, which is heard on many different radio stations throughout America. Can you tell us why did you name it Not Broken?

Brett Francis: Well, it actually followed my book. So my book is called Not Broken and that’s where I came up with “not broken,” because I spent a large portion of my life feeling very broken and going into psychologists, psychiatrists, counselor’s appointments, and even people in the general population, with the stigma I felt like a screw up and like I couldn’t do anything right. And I’m sure that you guys have felt like that before with your mental illness.

Gabe Howard: Many times, many times.

Brett Francis: And that’s not a good feeling to have like you don’t fit anywhere. And so the book and the Not Broken name was inspired by feeling like that for a lot of my life. So I say, whenever I talk about mental health, my slogan is “not broken,” because people with mental health challenges and disabilities are not broken. And they don’t need to be stereotypically fixed. That doesn’t mean that they won’t need to learn to manage or doesn’t mean that they don’t need help, but they’re not broken. You know, we don’t look at a person with diabetes as broken. We look at them as somebody who needs to manage that disease. And I think we should look at mental illness the same.

Gabe Howard: I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much. I love that. I love that.

Brett Francis: Thank you.

Vincent M. Wales: Let’s talk about how mental health and physical health are linked. It’s something that Gabe and I have brought up several times over the course of our show. But I don’t think it’s ever been spoken about enough. Do you have any input on that?

Brett Francis: I’ll share a personal story. Recently on my spouse’s side, his nephew is 15 years old and he was hearing voices and he was scared that he was going to harm himself and other people. And so he said, like, I need I need help in voicing this. And we took him into the hospital and the hospital said, oh he’s hearing voices, but the mental health worker, crisis worker comes in and says, oh, he told me that he’s not worried about harming anybody, that he also promised that he wouldn’t harm himself or others. And we said, he’s 15 years old like he’s impulsive and he’s worried about that impulse may strike and that’s what it’s going to happen. It’s not like it’s premeditated. And so we really struggled because they wanted to see somebody for chest pains or a broken leg or there was a person in there that also they were treating for an overdose. They want to see the physical stuff. And I don’t think that it’s that they don’t take it seriously, I think it’s not 100 percent sure what to do in the hospital because there’s a lack resources. And so anyways, I basically sat down and I plunked my butt down in the chair and I said, look, we’re not leaving here until this gets taken seriously. He’s got a younger brother at home and he’s worried he’s going to hurt somebody or himself. And he’s hearing voices. And I said, he needs to be seen. He needs to be treated. And he needs to be admitted. And I said, we’re not signing any kind of liability release or self care plan or non self harm plan. So they get you to sign the papers and they tried to get him to sign them without anybody being present. And I felt like it was really not… like he wasn’t being taken seriously. Like I said, not at the fault of the people who work in the hospital because the nurses and doctors are amazing and they’re great at what they do and they care for people. And that’s incredible. But I just think that they really didn’t know what to do especially because it was a northern rural community. It was very difficult for them to know like they had to call the mental health crisis team and then the crisis team had to call the psychiatrist and then the psychiatrist finally said, Okay admit this  15 year old boy. And so I think that we really need to work at it and I was reading an article as well and in many states and provinces in the US, Canada, everywhere and all over the world, people that go into emergency rooms for mental illness are often discharged and those are the people that are back and they continue to come back because they continue to struggle. And so sometimes people know that they’re struggling mentally and sometimes they don’t. They go and talk like with me when I was panic disorder I would go into the hospital when I was younger for chest pains, thinking I was having a heart attack. Well it wasn’t a heart attack. It was my panic disorder. And so being a person that’s been dismissed in the hospital without things like that being taken seriously and then having to wait after you’ve been there four times because you’re having chest pains, then then waiting for 16 hours this is just a really frustrating thing. So having been in those shoes before in the emergency room for mental illness and with the lack of resources and education and the lack of the link that we’re talking about for mental health and physical health when the two go hand-in-hand. I mean if you’re depressed, the first thing I do when I’m depressed is I put on sweats and sit on the couch. Your personal hygiene goes, your mental health directly affects your physical health and vice versa. If I’m not feeling well physically, I’m not having a good day mentally, either, and I’m sure that you guys with your diagnoses, see the same thing.

Gabe Howard: Oh yeah it’s fascinating to me. You know physical health is your body and mental health is your brain. But of course your brain is IN your body. It’s fascinating.

Brett Francis: Yeah exactly.

Gabe Howard: You know we don’t have mental health, physical health, and then a separate stage for heart health, because we understand that the heart is in the body. It’s like everything is combined except for the way that we think and feel. And you’re right, it absolutely drives everything. People who are depressed are more likely to smoke, they’re more likely to overeat, they’re less likely to exercise, they’re less likely to build sustainable friendships or relationships. So that’s a support system. Everything just sort of spirals out of control from these thoughts and feelings that definitely have, a massive impact on our physical safety and surroundings and potentially – I always like to say potentially – the safety of those around us. And the fact that you knew what you were looking for and came in and said it and you still had some pushback is obviously something that we want to change. I like how you said we’re not trying to throw people under the bus or blame them. We’re just saying that we have to do better.

Brett Francis: Exactly. And those nurses and doctors were amazing and once he was admitted, they were great. But a lot of times the nurses on the E.R., ‘cuz he was put in a pediatric ward, they are not 100 percent sure how to handle it. He had a suicide watch nurse that was at his side 24/7 and they’re not entirely sure like what to say to him. They have to either do the steps of calling a mental health crisis team, well they were only in Monday to Friday 9 to 4, and then the psychiatrist wasn’t in until Monday and he worked Monday to Friday as well. So when you really have an emergency on a Saturday night, essentially that system -like I said no fault of anybody involved – but that system is… you gotta be in the hospital for two days or get discharged and come back on Monday or wait six months or a year to get referred to a psychiatrist and specialist. So it’s really frustrating being on the other end of that, being the person who’s experiencing it for themselves or for a loved one, being able to say, look I know that this is happening, especially even when I went and said like, I know what’s happening, still being kind of unintentionally given time to the dismissive and the runaround. I don’t think people were intentionally trying to brush it off. I just think they didn’t know what to do with it. So finally the psychiatrist was called after four hours in emergency.

Vincent M. Wales: Well, I think you’re experienced too also speaks to the tragic shortness of psychiatrists that we have right now. And you said it was in a rural area, which just adds to the problem there.

Brett Francis: Yeah, and then there’s less resources for counseling and stuff in the rural areas where people aren’t in the main center.

Vincent M. Wales: Exactly. Exactly.

Gabe Howard: We will see in a moment after we hear from our sponsor.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back everyone. We’re here with Brett Francis, author of the book Not Broken. So what are, as you put it, mental illness superpowers?

Brett Francis: Well, mental illness superpowers, I actually kind of came up with that through building my career and speaking and things like that, where I realized I can actually use my mental illness to to an advantage here, like it doesn’t have to be always something that cripples me, it doesn’t have to be always something that makes me feel like garbage. It doesn’t have to be always something that I’m judging myself for or other people, I feel like other people are judging me for, it doesn’t have to be a downfall and it doesn’t have to be, so to speak, a fault that I look at. You know we all look at ourselves in the mirror and point out our own imperfections. People with mental illness look into their own minds and point out the flaws that they think they have and they judge themselves for it and we’re out own self-critics. So a big part of what I do is really embracing that mental illness and figuring out what has it brought your life. And initially people say to me like, what? Like what are you talking about? Like I live with depression I’m chronically depressed, how has that brought any benefit to my life? And one of my friends that has chronic depression, I said to her, I said, think of something that it’s brought, like who do you think you wouldn’t be, or what has it brought to your life? Well, it took her hours. So she finally called me back and said, You know, Brett, I’m a paramedic and I care for people for living and I don’t think that I’d be doing that without depression. And I’m really empathetic. So I’m really in tune as well with other people feelings, and I can provide empathy, I can be a good wife, and I can really understand where people are coming from and empathize with how they’re feeling and also pick up on it. And I said, Well what’s not great about that? So for me, one of the first things was, well, if I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t be organized enough to do my own thing. I’d be so scatterbrained, I wouldn’t be organized enough to be in business, to run a business, to write a book. You know I’m not saying I don’t struggle with those things. And that I don’t have bad days. But without the OCD, I wouldn’t be a business owner, without my ADHD, I wouldn’t be as creative, without my anxiety, I wouldn’t have the amount of energy that I do and the amount of passion that I do, without my Tourette’s Syndrome, I wouldn’t be who I am or what I am today and doing what I do today. If I hadn’t had the past of my bullying, my substance abuse, if I hadn’t had all those… I mean don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t wish those things on my worst enemy… But those things are what made me the person that I am today, sharing my story, the person that loves to change people’s lives, the person that loves to bring awareness to mental health and fight for the advocacy. I would not be that person had I not had my diagnoses. So that’s what mental health superpowers are.

Gabe Howard: I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. I like the way that you worded it and tried to tie it together. You know, sometimes I go the other way, where I say that there’s no superpower in mental illness. These are just innate skills that a person has that they’re able to use. And when I talk to people that say no no no no I’m turning my mental illness as negatives into positives… On one hand, I want to be like, No there’s no positive about mental illness, but on the other hand, I really appreciate the reframing. And this is why I am so glad that there are multiple voices out there because the reality is I’m kind of a realist, I’m kind of a pessimistic guy and that’s how I choose to deal with my symptoms and mental illness. But other people are more optimistic and they see things differently and they’re going to completely agree with you. And this is why I feel that all voices are important, because if you were the only voice, you’d never connect to me and if I was the only voice, I’d never connect to you. But thankfully, multiple voices allows everybody to feel connected and we’re all on the same side. So, so thank you.

Brett Francis: Thank you. I mean thank you for sharing as well. I would say I’m more on the optimist scale of that. However, my anxiety and I’m sure you guys experience that with your mental health as well, it’s almost like a Jekyll and Hyde type thing where one minute…

Gabe Howard: Oh yes!

Brett Francis: I’m an optimist. And then in a split-second and the snap of a finger, I can be the worst pessimist in the world and all life is going down the drain and I’m a failure and I’m always a waste of time and blah blah blah. You guys know the drill, right? It’s the snap of a finger and it can change in a split second. I can be the pessimist.

Gabe Howard: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Brett Francis: I could be Mr. Hyde, and it could just switch in a flash and it’s very frustrating sometimes. But I’m still back and forth and I yo-yo so much with my mood, with anxiety, that I know that there’s gonna be some sort of snap of a flash and I’m gonna be optimist Brett again in like the next millisecond or half an hour or the next day. You know, I know that that’s coming. So, that kind of gives me a little bit of hope because I’m like well I know that the optimist, resilient, stubborn Brett is in there somewhere, she’s gotta come out eventually. Just poke it a little bit, you know?

Gabe Howard: That is very cool, and I think this is a nice segue into self stigma. Because you talk about self stigma a lot and the different ways that it affects us. So can you talk about that a little bit?

Brett Francis: A lot of people really undervalue what they say to themselves and then they mean anxiety and all mental illnesses like it puts those doubts in your head where it’s like, I’m a failure, I’m not good enough, and it’s continuing to tell you everything that you can’t and won’t, or should haves and could haves. My counselor says, focus on the can dos and the have dones. But that’s not anxiety. So anxiety’s like this pestering… you know the angel and the devil sitting on your shoulder? It’s like the devil is there all of the time, just whispering in your ear that you’re not good enough. And so that’s a big part of stigma. And sometimes it’s easier to control and other times it’s not easy to control at all. You have this way that you feel you should be, and I think as human beings naturally, with or without mental illness, we have that self critic, where we try to make ourselves feel like we should be this or we should be that or we should have more money or we should have a better job or we should be married by now or all these things that we say the should haves. We naturally are programmed to think of that as human beings, like our society seems to always focus on, oh I’m not skinny enough, I’m not, I’m not well-off enough. And so we focus on the negatives naturally as a society. Throw mental health in the mix and we’re really giving ourselves a hard time. And so it’s just this continuing negative Nancy in your head. And so we give ourselves the self stigma where it’s almost turning into a double depression. So I don’t know if you guys have that or not, but like when you’re depressed, you’re like, oh crud, like why am I depressed? I shouldn’t be depressed right now. You get depressed about being depressed.

Gabe Howard: Yeah, guilt.

Brett Francis: I get anxiety about having anxiety. I’m like, why am I anxious right now? And then I start to overthink like why am I just anxious? So it’s anxiety about having anxiety depression or having depression. And it’s really this spiral. If you don’t stop it, it can get out of hand really really fast with that self stigma. So we give ourselves anxiety about having everything or it’s just a double negative. And so that’s a really big role that that my anxiety tried to play in my own mental health is it’s tried to give me anxiety about being anxious or feeling depressed about being depressed. And it just really gets us nowhere. And so we also undervalue the self care in that as well. So we forget to take care of our minds and our bodies while we’re going through that.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah, sounds about right to me.

Gabe Howard: Not wrong at all.

Vincent M. Wales: Now that you’ve mentioned self care… There are misconceptions about self care out there. Self care, emotional well-being, all of these things. Can you talk about some of those misconceptions?

Brett Francis: I think one of the biggest misconceptions about self care is that it’s selfish. We hear this, you can’t take care of somebody to the best of your ability until you’re taken care of. I mean, why do you think when you go on a plane, the safety demonstration says put your own air mask on first and then help others. So when you are breathing properly your brain is more clear and therefore you can help other people put their mask on, such as children, other people that may need help, somebody that you’re with. But as soon as you have that breath of air and you get that oxygen flowing in into your body, you’re thinking more clearly because you’re taken care of. So that’s exactly the same reason why they tell you to put that mask on first for yourself and then help others. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t give others our everything. We can’t take care of our spouses, our children, our friends, and be there for them as much as we could be with our own self care, so we’re giving ourselves or I guess losing not only to self care and all of its benefits but we’re also losing possible potential to be something more to somebody else that we love. Another common misconception would be that, I don’t need self care. I’m good. Everybody needs self care. People with or without mental illness. People with mental illness. We have to find out really what we’re. I mean the value money everybody. No one will be that it’s an on that important one. Another one would be that it’s not that important. Well it really is. And then the one along with selfish is that people think I need to take care of everybody else first and then I can take care of me. And then the last one I guess that I think is most common is that it takes a lot of time. Well no it actually doesn’t. You know talking about meditation, you can do that twice a day for 10 minutes. It’s literally the amount of time that you would spend going and freshening up and brushing your hair or something. So you go and you brush your hair. So instead of going to brush your hair or maybe you need to brush your hair, too, spend five minutes just meditating and breathing, people really think that it takes, oh I’ve got to invest three hours a day into going to the gym, eating right, all this stuff. And so people get very overwhelmed because they’re like, oh I have to start with three hours of self care in order get anywhere. It can start with like five minutes a day. So people really have that big misconception, as well.  That’s how I felt, initially when I started reading self help books. After my miscarriage and my depression and suicide attempt, I started reading books. And I went, boy do I have a lot to do. Like, if I want to turn my life around, holy man, like am I ever gonna get there? And sometimes I still feel like that. I’ll go to see my counselor and I’ll be like, oh boy, I just wrote down 18 things that I think that I have to do. And so I’ll take that back to my counselor next time and she’ll be like, Brett, what are you doing? Like, these are not 18 things you have to do. The stuff we talked about is the things you need to check off your list and improve on yourself. There are things where we can eventually get to. Like, that doesn’t need to happen right now.  And I’m like, well I’ve got a plan. And she’s like, that’s going to take you like half a working day to get them today. And I”m like, OK. Right. So let’s do the five or ten minute thing. Right. So we all I think do that when you get overwhelmed like, holy man, do I ever have a lot to work on before my mental health improves. Or do I ever have a lot to work on before I lose weight. And people just think that it’s going to be this long, drawn out, tedious task and it’s really not.

Vincent M. Wales: You’re absolutely right.

Gabe Howard: Makes sense completely. Brett, the time just flies by. Before we close out the show, can you tell folks where we can find you?

Brett Francis: They can go to my website at mentalhealthspeaks.com. I’m also on Facebook and Twitter, handle would be @brettspeaksnow.

Gabe Howard: Brett, thank you so much you were a great guest. We look forward to having you on the show again. It was absolutely wonderful. Thank you for being here.

Brett Francis: Thank you so much for having you guys and also for sharing your own personal lives with me.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counselling anytime, anywhere just by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We will see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email talkback@psychcentral.com.

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

    Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

      from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-improve-your-mental-health-with-super-powers/