#like i’m trying to fight off a spiral/episode

[gladiatorcunt]

what if just took a depression nap forever /hj

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 12

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, tension, angst

The silence in my apartment made me spiral after Alex stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I replayed our argument over and over, each word cutting deeper. How did we get here? I’d spent the last month caring for him, rearranging my life to cater to him. Now, he was off to Barcelona with Emily, leaving me to pick up the pieces. A bitter laugh escaped me. Of course, he chose her over me. I couldn't even spend our last night together before his trip.

I angrily wiped away tears, trying to suppress the rising wave of emotions. It wasn't just the argument with Alex that hurt, it was everything else too. Matt’s silence since the fight, the confusion about what almost happened between us, and the sinking feeling that maybe I wasn’t enough. Not for Alex, not for anyone.

Curling up on the couch, the apartment felt empty and cold. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Now there was nothing to distract me from the growing loneliness. My phone buzzed, and my heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Alex with an apology. But it was Nick. Surprised, I hesitated before opening the message.

 "Hey, are you okay? I heard Alex is staying here tonight.. Do you want to hang out?"

I hadn’t realized how much I needed someone to reach out until I saw Nick’s message. I was grateful for the reach out. I quickly replied, "I’d really like that. I can order you an Uber?"

His response came instantly. "Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks."

As I waited for Nick to arrive, a mix of emotions swirled inside me. I hadn’t expected to hear from him, let alone tonight. The last time I saw Nick was the same night I last saw Matt, and now that he was coming over, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But one thing was clear - I was grateful someone cared enough to check on me, even if it wasn’t the person I had hoped for.

When Nick arrived, his soft smile and warm greeting were comforting. “Hey girl” he said, his voice soothing. We sat on the couch, and after a brief silence, he said, “I’m really sorry about everything that’s been going on.”

“Everything’s just a mess, you know? I’ve been trying so hard to make things work with Alex, but it feels like I’m the only one who cares. And now he’s off to Barcelona with Emily, and I’m just.. here.”

Nick nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I get that. It’s not fair that he left like that, especially after everything you’ve done for him, but don’t worry we’re making sure you’re busyyyyy while he’s away.”

I smirked at his last comment, I could really use more time out of the house. “I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Why does it feel like I’m never enough?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Nick said firmly. “Alex is the one who’s screwing up, not you. You’ve been bending over backward for him, and he’s just taking you for granted.”

His words hit me hard, and I had to look away, blinking back tears. “It just hurts, you know? I’ve given so much, and it feels like he doesn’t even care. I just feel so lonely.”

Nick placed a comforting hand on my arm. “You deserve better than that, Y/n. You deserve someone who actually appreciates everything you do. Maybe it's time to end things with him?”

No one had ever said those words to me before, so it came as a shock. “Maybe.. But thank you, Nick. It means a lot.”

We talked for a while, gossiped and watched some episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race and slowly, the weight of the evening lifted. 

Matt’s POV

The next morning, the blaring jingle of my alarm pulled me from a restless sleep. I quietly got dressed, trying not to wake Emily, who was sprawled across the bed, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in my head.

Once I was ready, I nudged Emily gently. “Hey, we need to get going soon if you want to make your flight.”

She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. “Just five more minutes…”

“Emily, come on” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t get up.”

“Ughhh, fine.” she mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She looked at me through half open eyes, clearly not a morning person. “Why do these flights have to be so early?”

I didn’t answer, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. I grabbed her suitcase to carry it downstairs and started wheeling it towards the door. Alex was already waiting, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked just as groggy as Emily, but there was a tension in his jaw that told me he hadn’t forgotten our argument. I knew better than to bring it up again.

The car ride to the airport was quiet, filled with the sound of Emily typing away on her phone. She showed me pictures of clubs and bars she wanted to visit in Barcelona, but my mind was elsewhere.

“Do you know anyone in Barcelona?” Emily asked suddenly. “Maybe you could get us into some VIP sections or something?”

“Emily, I’m just a YouTuber. Who the fuck would I know out in Barcelona?”

She pouted slightly, disappointed. “Oh, come on, you must know someone. Doesn’t everyone in LA have some kind of connection?”

“Not really my scene, Em..” I replied, focusing on the road.

We pulled up to the airport, the morning sun just starting to peak over the horizon. I parked the car and helped them with their bags. The airport buzzed with people rushing to catch flights.

I gave Emily a kiss goodbye as Alex walked to check in. “See you in 10 days, don't miss me too much! I love you!” Emily said, looking over her shoulder as she walked toward Alex.

“Have a great time Em, love you too.” I lingered by the entrance, watching them navigate the crowd together. Emily clung to Alex’s arm, talking animatedly about something. Alex seemed more interested in getting their bags through. I felt a strange emptiness in my chest. The argument with Alex, the tension between us, and now this.. something had to change. But I wasn’t sure what or how.

I drove back home, the sun now fully up. The roads weren't clear anymore, and neither was my mind. The silence in the car was deafening, and for the first time in a long while, I wished Emily was here with me, chatting away about something meaningless purely to take my mind off everything.

My mind was a mess of thoughts, always circling back to Nick and Y/n. I couldn’t get over the fact that Nick had gone to her place last night. Why did she call an Uber for him? Was she avoiding me? I know I hadn’t been in touch with her but It wasn’t intentional, things got so complicated. But maybe that was just an excuse. I was scared.. scared of what might happen if I did see her again.

A notification popped up on my dashboard screen, snapping me out of my thoughts. A message from Nick: “Can you come pick me up from Y/n’s?”

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name. I made Siri send a quick response, “On my way!”

The drive to Y/n’s apartment was short, but it felt like forever. My mind raced with questions. Was I going to see her?

When I finally pulled up outside her building, my heart was pounding. I scanned the area, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but there was no sign of her car that's usually parked in the same spot. I parked up, texting Nick to let him know I was outside and waited.

After a few minutes, Nick emerged, smiling as he spotted my car. I couldn’t help the wave of disappointment when I realized Y/n wasn’t with him to show him out. Nick got in, buckling his seatbelt.

“Morning” he greeted.

“Morning,” I replied. “Where’s Y/n?”

“Oh she went to work hours ago.” Nick explained. “She told me I could stay as long as I wanted when she left, she just put the door on auto lock so it would close properly behind me.”

Nick kept up a steady string of conversation on the drive home, mostly talking about how nice it was to hang out with Y/n last night. I tried to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting back to her. What if she was mad at me? What if she regretted almost kissing me? Did she even mention me at all? The uncertainty was eating me alive.

Nick must have noticed my silence. “You okay, Matt? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess, from being up so early..”

Nick didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push it. Instead, he leaned back and let the music fill the car, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

By the time we got back to the house, I was exhausted, not just physically, but mentally. The weight of everything that had happened over the past few weeks was hitting me, and I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring it. But right now, all I wanted was to crawl back into bed and shut the world out, even if just for a little while.

Y/n’s POV

The blaring sound of my alarm clock pulled me out of the depths of a short sleep. Nick and I were laughing so much last night that it ended up being very late getting to bed. I groaned, rubbing the exhaustion from my eyes as I rolled out of bed. Today was the last of my early morning shifts at Target, and the thought of returning to a normal schedule next week was the only thing keeping me going.

These early shifts had been isolating, to say the least. It felt like everyone else was living their lives in a different time zone, and I was drifting in a space where no one else existed. Even Jess, who used to be my go to for venting about the monotony of day to day life, had been absent. We hadn’t seen or heard from each other since the night of Alex’s fight either. Opposite shifts had kept us apart, and I missed her more than I realized.

By the time my shift ended, I felt drained, not just from the physical exhaustion, but from the emotional toll everything had taken on me. I checked my phone as I walked out of the store, blinking against the harsh daylight. There was a text from Alex. Hesitating for a moment, I finally opened it.

“I’m sorry about last night. I know I’ve been a lot to deal with lately. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not enough because you are. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back. I love you.”

Reading his apology didn’t bring the comfort it might have once. Instead, it felt like another weight added on, making it harder to breathe. I realized, in that moment, that I was done. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But admitting it to myself and actually going through with ending things with Alex were two very different things. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face that yet. Not now, not with everything else piling up around me.

I typed out a quick response, keeping it brief. “Okay. Have a safe flight. Love you too.”

Moments later, another message from Alex popped up. “Thanks. Can you keep an eye on my email while I’m gone? Still waiting to hear from the board about their decision.”

My heart sank. I completely forgot the internal investigation after the fight had weighed heavily on him, and me by extension. The Bruins management had mentioned the possibility of a suspension or even stripping away his captaincy, a thought that had left him in a state of constant anxiety. I’d been there for him through it all, yet it seemed like no matter what I did, it was never enough to pull him out of his own head.

When I finally got home, the only thing I wanted was to collapse into bed. The thought of being awake and overthinking was too much to bear, and I let myself fall into the comfort of my blankets and I drifted into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt disoriented, my mind still tangled in the remnants of dreams I couldn’t remember. The apartment was silent, and the loneliness hit me harder than I expected. I’d grown used to having someone around, even if that someone was Alex, with all his faults and shortcomings. But last night, when Nick had stayed over, it had been different. There was something comforting about his presence, something that made the emptiness feel less suffocating.

But it made me realise how much I missed Matt. The way he’d disappeared from my life so suddenly had left a void that no one else could fill. Even having Nick around hadn’t been enough to keep me from thinking about Matt. The connection we’d shared, brief as it was, had been real. I could still feel the electricity from that almost kiss, the tension that had hung between us like a charged wire.

In a moment of weakness, I found myself reaching for my phone. I wondered what Matt was doing right now. Did he ever think about me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? My thumb hovered over the Youtube search bar, a reckless idea forming in my mind.

The Sturniolo Triplets.

It didn’t take long to find their YouTube channel. My heart raced as I clicked on the first video that caught my eye, the familiar sound of Matt’s voice filling the room. As the video played, I felt a strange sense of comfort wash over me. This was probably the closest I’d get to him again, watching him through a screen, pretending he was still a part of my life.

But as much as I tried to lose myself in the videos, the loneliness crept back in. The emptiness that Matt’s absence had left was still there, refusing to be ignored. Just as I was about to close the app, my phone buzzed with a new message.

Nick 💜:  “Want to hit Topgolf in a bit? One of our friends from Boston is here. We can pick you up on the way.”

We? who was we?

a/n: okay kind of a filler chapter buuuuut maybe just maybe a certain two people reunite in the next chapter

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696

[sapphicmsmarvel]

Cassian: Drowning

tw: descriptions of my own panic attacks. all symptoms are different for other people but this is mine so pls be kind.

It was a normal night in bed.

Your husband, Cassian was asleep, mouth open as loud snores echoed throughout the cozy bedroom. You were feeling fine, just waiting to succumb to sleep.

Then you felt anxiety pick up. The thump thump thump of your heart racing. You could feel yourself starting to spiral. About what? You didn’t quite know. You just felt like you should be panicking about something and your brain was racking through all of your tasks to figure out what.

And it just couldn’t find anything.

Which then unsettled your mind, as you worried you had forgotten something important. You had trouble trusting your own memory as your anxiety and panic disorder makes a person more forgetful.

So you got up, left your snoring husband, and began checking the house.

Doors and windows were locked.

Stove is turned off. Weapons put away.

What was sending you into this episode?

You could feel the hyperventilating beginning. Shortness of breath, dizziness, tears cresting over your waterline.

Your brain began fogging up even more. You sat down on the floor. not quite sure which part of the house you were in.

Lost at sea. That’s how you felt. The waves crashing over you, drowning you in the vastness that is the ocean.

You didn’t know how long you sat there curled into a ball, until like a siren cutting through the stormy night, you heard:

“Hey, baby.” Cassian's voice was like a beacon, cutting through the fog and leading you to him.

He pulled your hands out of your hair, you didn’t even realize you were pulling. “What’s going on?”

You incoherently babbled. Your mouth feels gummy and thick. Like your tongue was weighed down with lead.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He sat next to you, threading your fingers through his own big hand as his other one wiped the sweat-licked hair from your face.

“Match my breathing, baby.”

As you began to breathe thoroughly, your lungs shook, as you took in air. Making you sound like your breathing is stuttering. The sniffles subsided, but your heart was trying to slow down. You clutched Cassian's hand to your chest and he looked wounded at the thought of you hurting.

Because he couldn’t fight this. He couldn’t protect you from this.

You set your chin against his hand, looking down towards your pulled up legs. Your wet chin, sticky with tears taking in the coolness of his hands. Holding his hand like a life line, you felt his lips brush your forehead.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re not going to die from this.” He knew that a saying of comfort of yours was “You are not going to die from this.”

After what felt like an hour, you just wanted to crawl into your man’s chest. You definitely were not letting go of his hand anytime soon.

He eventually pulled you up, his hand never leaving yours. Even as he poured you a glass of water and guided you back to bed.

One hand of yours was intertwined with his, while the other clutched his forearm. Your head leaning against his bicep as he brought you back to your room.

He got you tucked in, the window was open to let the cool night air in. He went into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth and used cold water to wipe your face down. He knew coldness was going to be the last bit of soothing you needed.

He wiped your face down with a thoroughness and gentle touch that made you want to cry for a whole new reason.

You sipped your water as he threw the rag into the sink and joined you in bed again.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You shrugged. “I…” you shook your head. “I don't even know where to begin. It’s foolish.”

“Hey.” He said sternly, though not unkindly. “Your panic attacks, anxiety and thoughts are valid. You are the strongest person I know. I’m here if you want to talk. And I'm here if you don’t.”

You sniffled. “I just feel like something should be wrong. And I’m worried I’m forgetting something. Everything’s going too well, I’m waiting for something to go to shit and I’m scared for what it will be.”

He paused, then pulled you into him. Your head resting in the crook of his neck. “Nothing is wrong. You are not forgetting anything. You are happy. You are loved and supported. Nothing bad is going to happen because your life is going good.”

He kissed the top of your head. You wrapped an arm around him and squeezed.

“Thank you for dealing with me.”

“Nothing to be ‘dealt’ with.” He said instantly. As if he didn’t need to think about the response. Because he didn’t feel like he had to deal with you.

“I’m honored to be the person to take care of you and help you. I’m honored for you to be that person for me. Nothing is going to chase me away. I’m here to stay.” He squeezed you just as tight. “I'd lose my mind without you.”

You sucked in a breath. Inhaling his comforting scent. The scent that is wholly his.

“I love you.” You whispered into the dark of the night.

“I love you, sweetheart.” He whispered back.

[debonairprincesposts]

BEHOLD BABES! THE SCRUMPTIOUS ANGST I PROMISED.

My heart hurt while writing this idk man. I love him but I wanna see him hurt then comfort him. Am I a sadist for that? Don’t matter either way.

Enjoy the angst (☞ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡°)☞

Tw: Panic, blood, severed limb, difficulty breathing. Don’t like, don’t read.

Proceed at your own discretion.

Takes place in the 8th episode

Saying that Lucifer was worried is an understatement. Heaven had basically declared war against his daughter and her hotel. As much as he wants to be there, he cannot act unless Charlie herself gets hurt. And if they’re planning on hurting her, there’s no guarantee that they won’t come to his home to hurt his 15 year old son as well.

“I’ll be fine, Dad,” Says (Name) as he tries to comfort Lucifer. “Charlie is the one that needs your help right now.”

“I know that,” Lucifer sighs. “I just want to make sure that you’ll be alright.” He looks up at his son with concern swirling in his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Dad.” Says (Name) as he flexes his arm muscles, “I’m a big boy! I can handle myself. Besides- I’ve been taking combat lessons from uncle Ozzie, I’ll be okay.” He smiles trying to reassure Lucifer.

Lucifer smiles at the silliness of his boy. “Alright then- You better be alive when I come back, kiddo.” He says as his smile drops to a concerned frown.

“Promise ” (Name) smiles. “Now, get going- Don’t want to be late now, do you? Don’t forget to give me a call when you’re done.”

Lucifer hugs (Name) as he says, “Of course! I’ll call you right after everything is taken care of.” He lets go as he steps back.

“Good luck, Dad.” (Name) waves with a smile.

Lucifer salutes him before he takes off with a grin.

——————————————-

After the fight, Lucifer helps rebuild the hotel. He tries to call (Name) to tell him about the events that partook a few minutes prior, but (Name) is not answering any of his calls. Panic begins to well in his chest. (Name) always answers his calls. He’s never not picked up, ever. In a hurry, he tells Charlie he’s leaving as he quickly makes a portal back to his castle.

As he steps out of the portal, he’s met with destruction all over the place, the castle doesn’t seem to be harmed much but the gardens and fountains surrounding it are in complete shambles. As he follows the path of destruction, he spots (Name)’s phone on the ground, screen all cracked, and is that blood? His breath catches in his throat as he summons his wings and swiftly makes his way to the supposed scene of the fight, now fully panicking.

No- no no no- Please let him be okay. I cannot lose anyone else.

As he continues his flight to the other side of the castle, he spots something in the peripheral of his vision that makes him immediately halt in mid air in absolute terror, a wing that looks frighteningly similar to his son’s, golden blood gushing from the severed limb. His breaths are shaky as he slowly goes down on one knee, mind racing, emotions spiraling, gently cradling the black and red, now mostly gold from the blood, bleeding wing in his arms, staring at it for a couple seconds processing that the appendage he currently has cradled in his arms belongs to his son. He snaps out of it with a gasping breath as he bolts towards the scene of the fight.

Please please please- Please be alive- Please!

Several bodies of dead angels litter the ground of his garden, blood staining the grass that once was a lovely shade of green with gold. He searches frantically, eyes bolting all around the place with bated breath.

“(Name)!” He calls out, voice trembling, filled with absolute dread, clutching the wing in his arms even tighter, still with a gentle hold.

Once he finally finds who he’s looking for, his blood runs cold, eyes widening, breath stopping as he struggles to breathe, air completely escaping his lungs.

No-

The sight of his son laying in the remains of the destroyed fountain, golden blood leaking from where his severed wing used to sit, sends anxiety through his chest, tears obscuring his vision.

No no no NO NO!!!

Eyes wide in fear, breaths coming out in gasps as more panic begins to well in his chest. (Name) does not seem to be moving at all, much less breathing. Concerningly still as he lays on his side, his back facing Lucifer showing the place where his wing got cut off from. (Name)’s shirt is cut up, stained with golden blood that seems to be flowing from his side, more blood gushing from the area his wing used to be. At least his other five seem to be intact.

Lucifer lets the wing drop from his grip as he practically trips over his feet, making his way over, then drops to his knees near (Name), and cradles his upper body towards himself.

He perches (Name)’s head on his shoulder. “(Name)?” Lucifer gently slaps (Name)’s face as he hopes for a reaction, any kind of reaction. He just needs to know that he’s still alive. However, he’s starting to doubt that as more time goes by.

More injuries span across his front, with a gash from the bottom of his left jaw all the way down to his collarbone. Blood trailing down the side of his mouth. Another scratch on his cheek, and his side seems to have been stabbed. Golden blood mixed with the water around them as the water seemed to glisten with angelic blood and Lucifer’s tears. As he holds (Name) tight, attempting to heal him with his angelic magic, he hopes that all this is just a really vivid nightmare. He cannot lose anyone else in his life. Not his son. He would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant his son and daughter would get to live. He gently slaps (Name)’s cheek again in hopes of him opening his eyes.

"Come on, (Name)..." he says, tears streaming down his cheeks, voice cracking as he chokes back a sob. "Open your eyes for me, buddy."

Blood smears all over his hands and clothes, but he has half a mind to pay those any attention.

Damnit! How much is heaven going to take from him before they are satisfied with his suffering? Are the thousands of years of being stuck in his own mistake not enough?

His angelic healing appears to have a positive effect on (Name)’s wounds. They’re healing, he’s breathing, no matter how shallow. That’s a relief. Lucifer got there on time. He made it on time. He couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if he was even just a second late.

His worries are set aside for now as he lets his fury consume his mind for the moment.

If a war is what heaven wants,

Putting his arms underneath (Name)’s knees and upper back while being careful of his wings, as he carries him, making his way inside his somewhat unscathed castle.

A war is what heaven will get.

Help support your favorite author by buying then a ko-fi!

[sadcoms]

AU where Rose stayed with the Time Lord Doctor after Journey’s End and they start to argue more like they did in S1 because the Doctor is doing his “I never would” thing and Rose is now saying “but sometimes you HAVE to” which causes him to start down another Davros-inspired spiral about how he’s “turned her into a weapon” and she’s like...actually travelling across dimensions trying to fight eternal darkness brought about by a ton of genocidal aliens will do that to you regardless!

Because Rose was never for pacifism-above-all-else. The episode before Dalek Harriet Jones straight up says she’s a very violent young woman because Rose (not unreasonably) wants the Slitheen to be blown up after they murdered countless people. Same with the Nestene Consciousness - but the Doctor says he has to give it a chance, and that is what she mirrors back at him in Dalek. This is usually why the pair works, because if one doesn’t have mercy on or compassion for someone the other one usually will (eg Cassandra). That’s why Ten is even willing to give Davros a chance, though it’s exacerbated by a lot of guilt around the Time War, especially when it kicked off in-part because of what he did, and failed to do, in Genesis of the Daleks.

And that is what Davros never got - that Rose had already seen the Doctor’s soul and loved him anyway; that part of their souls are the same because they helped each other grow. And it’s the same for all of the companions this era, whether it’s Jack saying he never doubted the Doctor would kill him, or Donna seeing him murder the Racnoss and still regretting not travelling with him, or Martha (somehow) forgiving the Doctor for the year that never was and for everything he burdened her with.

Because I think what Davros and the Doctor came to see as him turning people into weapons was actually just people willingly taking on the burden he carried. Again, a lot of people sort of write Tentoo and Rose off as the dalek genocide couple, but what exactly was the alternative? Let them destroy the universe? The Doctor is a coward, any day, and that makes complete sense as a reaction to already bearing two genocides on his shoulders, but it’s also that cowardice that makes other people step up and be brave, which usually means sacrificing themselves, and the Doctor carries that too. That is why Martha gets the direct parallel to the Doctor with the Osterhagen key - both are willing to burn their planets to save the rest of the universe, and Martha already spent S3 being more like the Doctor than he was because he was so broken by grief. By Season 4, the Doctor is already so self-destructive and so self-loathing that only he, the "true" Time Lord, can be the arbiter of genocides and who can’t be. Even when it comes to Martha, or to another exact replica of himself.

(Never mind that he makes essentially the same decision the Metacrisis Doctor and Martha did again in End of Time when he sends Gallifrey back into hell, but hey, he got there in the end.)

And it’s one of the reasons why the Doctor’s so reliant on the Master. I’m not sure he would have gone to get his ‘reward’ had some of that weight of destroying Gallifrey again not been shared with another Time Lord. Ten does, ultimately, put humans on a pedestal and does his best to protect them even when they are willing to share his burden (note that Tentoo destroying the Daleks means Donna doesn't have to take on any of the burdens Rose or Martha did, so she stays the least militarised companion). He simultaneously wants that other Time Lord judgement while needing humans as another perspective.

All of this to say that, I think most people understand that Ten being with someone but especially with Rose would have stopped him going Time Lord Victorious, but they don't necessarily understand why. TLV comes from his desire to save everyone, because all the loss he's seen and has caused is too much. Not only does having Rose help soothe that, but she also specifically could have helped ground the Doctor back to where he was morally in the first two series, which is quite different from where he is by S4.

(Also The Next Doctor would have been an absolutely wild story for Rose and the Doctor to have gone on next. They arrive thinking they might have a fun Christmas and then they have to confront the fact that the Battle of Canary Wharf is still following them and how when they lost each other they lost everything. And how the villain in that is defeated by the Doctor showing her herself, which is what Davros tried to do the Doctor.)

[cozage]

Aaaaa, Cozage, I'm thrilled with your post about "Panic Attacks"! I fucking love it when people take care of me or show attention to me, so for me it's just wonderful. But at the same time, I like to help people myself. So, if it's not too much trouble, could you write about how the reader calms Sanji, Zoro, Ace and Lo when they have a panic attack? We can say: the opposite of what was written earlier) Have a nice day ❤

Sorry for my English, it's not my native language 😔

Friend!!! This was such a fabulous idea!! Our boys deserve love :)  And I must say, your profile pic?!?! DELIGHTFUL! I’m such a big fan of Chuuya :) he’s one of my favs in BSD <3

Characters: gn reader x Sanji, Zoro, Luffy, Law CW: panic attack descriptions, Marineford Spoilers Wordcount:1.4k

Helping Them Through Panic Attacks

Sanji

Sanji is a big scent guy, so certain smells trigger him. Iron and rust are the big ones, but sometimes the salty breeze blows just the right way and reminds him of when he almost starved to death on that rock. Sometimes he just disassociates, sometimes he goes into a full blown panic attack.

Sanji needs to be grounded during panic attacks or dissociative episodes. Talking doesn’t do much for him, he needs to feel people next to him to be brought back to the moment. 

When you're in public and you feel him slipping away, you grab his hand and interlace his fingers with your own. Occasionally he needs a little squeeze of reassurance to bring him back. 

Sometimes you’ll put your hand on his knee or his arm. You try not to do anything surprising, just little gentle touches to remind him where he is, and that you’re close by. 

When he gets a panic attack, you’ve found the best thing to do is get as close to him as possible. Just as a scent triggered him, your scent brings him back to the present. 

Sometimes you have to cup his face in your hands and force his eyes to look at you. You’re one of the few people who can do this when he's in such a panicked state. If other people try, he usually fights back. Even Nami and Robin can’t help him.  

His eyes are so full of fear, but you only show him your adoration and love in return. That’s all you want him to see in those moments.

As he calms down, he likes to rest his head against your chest and listen to your heart beat as you stroke his hair. Most of the time he falls asleep, and you always let him lay there as long as he needs.

Zoro

There’s nothing particular that really sets him off. Sometimes it’s a smell from his past, sometimes it's this weird deja vu that he can’t place. Sometimes he’s just thinking about how to be better and he starts to spiral. There’s not really any specific thing, it’s usually a lot of little things. 

Zoro is a prideful bastard. He doesn’t like people knowing that he’s suffering. So it took you a few episodes to realize what was happening with him.

When you see him starting to panic, you’ll ask him to follow you to a private, quiet room. At first he was skeptical of your methods, but after a few times, he started seeking you out and letting you lead you to a room to help.

You try not to touch him much or talk to him during it, but the two of you have created a pretty good method over a few trials and errors. You place your hand on his chest, and he places his hand on your chest. He feels your heart beat, feels your chest fall and rise, and he focuses on those movements. He shuts off his brain and brings his attention to matching your rhythm.

When he finally matches your heart rate and breathing pattern, he mutters out a quiet “thanks” and returns to whatever he was doing. The first time it hurt your feelings, but Zoro doesn’t like to mull over the fact he needs help. 

After a few hours (usually that night, when you are in bed), you’ll ask him if he’s okay or wants to talk. Most of the time he says he’s fine, but sometimes he’ll talk about what was bothering him. But every time he’ll pull you in closer to him and thank you with a little kiss on the forehead. 

Luffy

Blood had never bothered Luffy before, so he didn’t understand why his ears started to ring whenever he saw it after Marineford. He didn’t understand why holes in things like  trees or concrete structures bothered him so much now. He didn’t understand why he wanted to vomit when he saw an orange hat or a large back tattoo. 

Most of the time, you’re able to, quite literally, snap him out of it. Snapping your fingers in front of his face is usually enough to have him step back from the edge of a panic attack, but you also go a bit further by redirecting him to focus on something else. Food, some cool attraction on an island, or a game you know he likes to play.

If you don’t get him in those first few moments, though, his chest becomes tight and he feels like he can’t get enough air into his lungs. He wants to scream out, but his voice is gone too. So he’s left clutching his chest and gasping for air. He doesn’t have enough energy to find you at this point, so he lays into a ball and curls up into a ball and waits for someone to find him.

When you find him or another crewmember directs you to him, you keep your voice low and calm, as if you were talking to an injured animal. You always start the same way: “Luffy, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

You pull his head into your lap and you’ll run your finger through his hair to brush it out, and then start braiding little pieces. 

You tell him stories of your life in a soft, even voice. If you can’t think of stories, you make them up. You ignore the tears falling from his eyes and the soft sobs that escape his lips. 

Eventually, he falls asleep. But you don’t move. You keep twirling his hair in your fingers, waiting for him to wake up. After a very short nap, he wakes up a new person. He gives you a big kiss and bounds off, his energetic self returning like nothing ever happened.

Law

You didn’t understand why Shachi’s prank made Law so scared. It was just a harmless joke. Shachi had spent hours taping up hundreds of pieces of string all across the common room so people would have to jump over, duck under, and crawl around to get through it all. But when Law had turned the corner and saw you all sitting in the mess of string, you only saw one emotion in his eyes: Fear. 

After that you started to notice it more. Whenever he walked into spider webs unexpectedly, or saw those fun feathery boa necklaces at festivals, or heard the sound of a gunshot, panic set into his eyes. 

“Everything okay?” you’d ask every time, but he’d always give you one quick nod in response. You started taking that as your cue to intervene. 

Law hates making a big deal about things. So when you’re in public, you subtly grab his hand. It’s one of the few times he doesn’t mind PDA, and he grips your hand so tight you have to clench your teeth. But you never complain. 

When you can finally get away from others, you’ll take him somewhere quiet and sit on the ground with him. You keep holding his hand, and use your free hand to trace over his tattooed fingers. 

You always ask him questions about his crew, trying to redirect his brain. “What do you think Bepo is doing right now?” “How did you meet Shachi?” “Remember last week when Penguin and Ikkaku almost caught the kitchen on fire?” He doesn’t usually respond, but you always say what you think the answer is. You’re not sure if it helps, but after a while his grip starts to loosen on your hand.

Law is a silent sufferer. He doesn’t have many indications when his panic attacks start, or when they end. So you sit with him, answering your own questions until he finally takes a deep breath and says “Okay, I’m ready to go back.” He keeps holding your hand though, for as long as he can.

[selfhelpforstudents]

i always see people around me being more productive and starting revision earlier and doing everything much faster. i’m already trying my best, but i start panicking when i see them be better, and feel like i’m lagging behind. how do i snap out of this mentality?

How to Stop Panicking About Productivity:

We’ve all been there. You’re grinding away at your own pace, and then you glance around and see everyone else seemingly miles ahead. They’re breezing through tasks, acing their exams, and looking like they’ve got it all figured out. Meanwhile, you’re fighting off panic, convinced you’re falling behind. But before you spiral further, take a breath. You’re not alone, and there’s a way to snap out of this productivity panic.

1. Realize You’re Not in a Race

First off, let’s get one thing straight: life isn’t a race. Sure, it feels like everyone around you is speeding ahead, but that doesn’t mean you’re losing. Your journey is your own, and comparing your progress to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Different people have different strengths, learning styles, and paces. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay.

2. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

When you catch yourself spiraling, pause and check in with yourself. Are you being too harsh on your own progress? Give yourself some credit. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Start practicing self-compassion by treating yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling. Would you tell them they’re a failure, or would you encourage them to keep going? Be your own cheerleader.

3. Focus on Your Progress, Not Theirs

It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, but the only progress that really matters is your own. Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come instead of how far you think you have to go. Even small steps forward are still progress. Keep a journal or a list of what you’ve accomplished each day, no matter how minor it seems. This will help you stay grounded and motivated.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Celebrate Wins

Instead of trying to match someone else’s pace, set goals that are achievable for you. Break your tasks into manageable chunks, and celebrate each win, no matter how small. Finished a chapter? That’s a win. Wrote 200 words? That’s a win. You don’t need to conquer the world in a day—just keep moving forward at your pace.

5. Take Breaks and Recharge

Burnout is real, and it can sneak up on you if you’re constantly pushing yourself to keep up with others. Schedule regular breaks to recharge. Go for a walk, watch an episode of your favorite show, or just chill out for a bit. Remember, productivity isn’t about working nonstop; it’s about finding a sustainable rhythm.

6. Limit Social Media Consumption

Let’s be honest—social media can be a huge source of comparison and stress. Everyone’s posting their highlights, but you’re not seeing the full picture. Consider cutting back on your social media usage, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Out of sight, out of mind. Focus on your journey instead of getting sucked into someone else’s highlight reel.

7. Find a Support System

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a study group, find a support system that encourages you rather than makes you feel inadequate. Share your struggles and victories with them; chances are, they’re feeling the same way too. A strong support system can make all the difference in keeping your mindset positive.

8. Accept That Perfection Isn’t the Goal

Perfectionism is a trap. Striving for perfection will only lead to more stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, aim for progress and improvement. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and they don’t define your worth. Embrace the idea that doing your best is more than enough.

9. Remember, You’re Doing Great

At the end of the day, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re doing just fine. The fact that you’re even worried about falling behind shows that you care about your progress. Don’t let the comparison game steal your joy and motivation. Keep your eyes on your own path, trust in your process, and give yourself the credit you deserve.

So next time you feel that productivity panic creeping in, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re on your own unique journey. You’ve got this.

Best,

Sophia

[a-trash-artist]

I had a vision last night and I’m still tired so I still can’t tell if this is a good or bad idea

spoilers for md ep 8 ig?

So I guess my brain conjured this up because it was 11 pm and that my creative high point

ig i wish there was more md content, and I’m a bit upset that ep 8 was really just fighting. Sure there was lore like Nuzi being canon, V coming back, the poly vibes.

but I feel like that’s the bare minimum. And so I present to you the Totally Stupid Idea! ™️

Starting off strong here- so what if N died? Ik ik I just sent a lot of you screaming and spiraling but hear me out. But what if he did? It would be an insane plot twist and it would conjure SO much more content!

Ok ok, this is where it gets good. So in one episode somewhere Cyn says to N, ‘your clones will forgive me’ or something like that. SO. what if after the whole ep 8 thing they announce a SECOND SEASON and it’s all about Uzi and V finding out where the clones are located, fixing a ship and GOING THERE WITHT CYN TRYING TO STOP THEM THE WHOLE WAY BUT.

Cyn beat them there and THEN epic fight scenes commence! IT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE FOR THERE TO BE AN EPISODE WITH JUST FIGHTING! THERE’D BE SO MUCH DELICIOUS ANGST ALONG THE WAY AND UZI AND V COULD GET CLOSER!!

I’m almost mad this isn’t what happened, but the poly vibes in ep 8 is the closest I’ll get to Vuzi ig.

[the-unaligned]

Bravern episode 8 spoilers

EP 8 Analysis

This is going to be super incoherent and is mostly just going to be me rambling but idc, I need to post this somewhere so it’s not ruminating in my head until I assault some random human with word vomit

So this is mostly going to be focus on episode 8 but I will touch back on previous episodes for references.

Anyways Episode 8 basically just confirmed the “Bravern is Smith” theory and I am so hype

What is the “Bravern is Smith” theory?

So the Bravern is Smith theory is a theory that.. well.. Bravern and Lewis Smith are the same person.

I’m not sure who started it but (I think) it started when the opening showed for the first time and we got to the scene of Smith’s arm becoming Bravern’s. From there it spiraled, more and more evidence pointing towards it, such as: Bravern knowing A LOT about Smith, Bravern making a lot of human pop culture references and speaking English interchangeably with Japanese (Smith does this too), Bravern being a super robot (Smith is a massive Super robot nerd) and a ton of other things

Episode 8:

Now we get into why I’m finally making a post about this, I’ve been following along with this theory since episode 2 and have been taking my notes on it but I never bothered posting about it anywhere

Why now?

Because episode 8 might’ve just confirmed it.

Let’s start with the opening:

So this right here is the catalyst that started this all, Smith’s arm turning into Bravern’s. Now, we knew all that, but the one thing we never knew until now was “who tf is glowy bitch”

Well,

I think is Knuth

“But why her? She looks nothing like the silhouette”

Look here, she has plates of armor that highly resemble two pairs of wings. Who else has two pairs of wings? The silhouette. Same placement and everything. I think the silhouette is meant to be vague, as to not tip the viewer off right away that the silhouette is a deathdrive.

We’ll come back to this later, I need to talk about Bravern’s lines during this episode.

I’m not entirely sure how to explain it but this line will be important later, for now it’s just more Super Robot inspirational speech

Right here is the important line, the title of the episode (which is what tipped me and a lot of other people off to Smith dying) and the last thing Bravern says to him. Now normally when entering a battlefield, you’d tell your comrade “Good luck”, “Until we meet again” makes it seem like someone will die, this is a line usually used when you’re not sure when you’ll see someone again. Bravern used this because he knew what was going to happen to Smith, and either he can’t stop it, or he doesn’t want to.

Bravern knows because he has gone through this before, as Smith.

That is likely why he told Smith to “save as many people as he can”, likely because when he went through this, a lot of people died

(This ties into my own branch of the theory where Bravern has already gone through all of this before and went back in time to change the outcome)

Now during the fight, Bravern isn’t really focused, he’s taking hits he’d normally be able to dodge and isn’t really rushing like he usually does. I think it’s because he’s trying to stall, trying to keep Isami away from Knuth and Smith so their fight can happen, either that or he’s distracted due to knowing what’s happening not that far away (or it could be both)

Before we get to this next part I wanna point out a quote I noticed during the episode from Knuth. I can’t find it just by scrolling and I’d rewatch the full episode to find it but Tumblr is lagging like hell and burning through my battery so I can’t

At one point Knuth mentioned something about fusing with Smith, this might mean that Knuth’s body ends up being the base for Bravern, but im still not 100% sure about that, just thought I’d add that. If she is the base and Bravern did in fact go back in time, this would make sense as Knuth had mentioned that she had gone back in time a few times

Now we get to focus on the important part of the episode, Smith’s death. Let’s just start listing off things to pay attention to.

(I reached the photo limit oops)

- Smith is humming his own theme song as he charges Knuth, Bravern sings his own theme song and blasts it whenever he fights

- He straight up says “Brave Slash” as he strikes Knuth

-Smith talks DIRECTLY INTO ISAMI’S MIND and says the following quote: “Isami. Isami. Brave. Brave… Bang.” And we all know why that’s important, the title of the show is literally “Bang Brave Bang Bravern”

There are still some questions, like “how was Smith able to use telepathy?” “How exactly is Bravern created?” “Is Bravern truly a fusion between Smith and Knuth?”

I know this probably makes zero sense but I need to get this out somewhere

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk (holy shit it’s so laggy)

Edit: I forgot to mention it but the foreshadowing for Smith’s death was so obvious, legit in his introduction Isami legit goes “You’re dead, the dead don’t talk” so uhh called it lmao

[mdawgswizzleinthehizzle]

i’m doing a rewatch of the last of us hbo and i’m really realizing how cut and worn down joel gets in episode 6.

one thing right after the other happens to him and it’s honestly insane how long he kept his shit together, so i’m gonna spell it out…

and maybe those of y’all that call joel too emotional or soft in the show for having his breakdown can understand why…

within the first few minutes, joel is told by the couple in the cabin that there is a fairly good likelihood that his brother is dead. that alone would have sent me into a spiral and it does really impact joel like we haven’t seen before. after he and ellie leave the cabin, he has panic attack #1.

i’m gonna be a little transparent here and say this: i developed anxiety in 2020 that was debilitating for months and although i am in a much better place today, i’m still dealing with anxiety all the time. during the worst of it, i had panic attacks and while my trauma is nowhere near close to joel’s, i know how draining panic attacks are.

but anyways, he has his panic attack and moves on but for the remainder of the trip, until he is reunited with tommy, he is stuck with the thought that his brother may be dead. and all this time spent protecting him and then looking for him was in vain. he couldn’t save him in time. another failure.

between their reunion though, we see joel having nightmares. in the cave, after he falls asleep on watch, its very clear he wakes up from a nightmare. with the way he immediately searches for ellie upon waking, my guess is that his nightmare was about her.

then they are surrounded by jackson’s patrol. and joel has panic attack #2. once again, about ellie, fearing that she is about to be torn up by the dog, but his panic attack won’t allow him to do anything. he freezes.

there is a brief moment of happiness when he is reunited with tommy but it is quickly snuffed when he realizes tommy’s situation. tommy doesn’t need his help, he hasn’t this whole time, his brother has a wife and later finds out that he is expecting a baby. his brother has been living it up as best as someone can in the apocalypse and never radioed to joel ONCE to tell him he was okay.

at the table, when ellie, joel, tommy and maria are talking, maria very pointedly looks at joel when tommy says “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” and maria says “not always, at least”. maria already doesn’t like him because apparently tommy has talked something bad about him. his own brother.

then he has a talk with tommy in the bar. its clear that his trust in tommy is shaky by this point because he lies to tommy about tess and ellie. then he has his fight with him and when he walks out of the bar, he has panic attack #3. let’s add insult to injury because then he sees someone who resembles sarah, his dead daughter. not only that but the lady has a kid of her own, something to resemble what joel never got: grandchildren.

then he finally has his breakdown. another little insult to injury, tommy gives him brand new boots since he noticed joel was trying to fix his old ones. another reminder that tommy is well off. the things he confesses to tommy are absolutely heartbreaking and its insane that he has been able to keep it all in to that point.

he is then faced with the choice of giving ellie over to tommy because while ellie feels less afraid with joel, joel feels more afraid with her.

then he has his fight with ellie where ellie uses his daughter against him (and i understand her desperation, i do). that was a really rough fight and once joel is alone in his room, we can see him shed another tear thinking of sarah.

the next day comes, and joel goes back on his choice and takes ellie. he has to say goodbye to his brother again but at least for a while after that, joel gets a break. he has fun and bonds with ellie on their trip.

… until he gets stabbed at the end of the episode.

so… to anyone that says joel is too soft in the show or too emotional, let’s remember that he is human. game joel is humanized too but its also a game. for the show, they had to really humanize joel which means that he is going to be much more mentally affected than game joel is throughout the story. panic attacks and crying are not soft or emotional, they aren’t weak, this man has been through hell and its a wonder he has made it this far. we only see three panic attacks but if they are that frequent, i can guarantee he has had more that we don’t see.

episode 6 really bashes him, its no wonder he broke down to tommy. pedro did an amazing job. he’s got me cryin’ everytime i watch it.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Ok based on your most recent post (I am obsessed I love it sm-). I honestly think that once Delta wakes up to see them with him again he'd probably freak out a little bit, and have no idea if this is reality or another nightmare. But once he is able to figure it out, they might be upset and ask Color and Epic questions about the subjects of their nightmares (ex; about the jar one, he might ask why they couldn't hear them and why didn't they bother to look in the jars) and might completely get confused with reality.

I also think that because they had dissociated for so long (probably spanning days or weeks before they came back to reality), he would have gone completely nonverbal and would have switched to sign language (the silence also most likely made them incredibly paranoid - too paranoid to break it by speaking. So, in order to keep the quiet, they silenced themselves and haven't spoken in a good long while), furthering their dissociation and PTSD spiral.

Now of course this would concern Epic and Color, and they'd likely have to explain that the nightmares weren't reality, but would also have to try to get him to explain what the hell had happened during the time they were both gone, and why he hadn't called them for help once they're able to talk in the morning.

(But since you mentioned how they'd probably help Delta fall asleep, I can't help but wonder how they'd react if Delta woke up from a bad nightmare about them, and how the talk in the morning would go?)

I love this addition, it makes complete sense. And now that we’re on the topic about this type of thing, I actually feel like it’d be easier for Color and Epic to understand these things more than it seems.

For Color, it’s due to his relationship with Killer. We all know Killer is a dissociative character who cannot often tell what is and is not real anymore, he spends most of his time dissociating—as opposed to Delta and Beta’s episodes of intense dissociative episodes due to events in their lives.

I’m sure that Color has had to help Killer differentiate between dream, memory, and reality many times before, even if it’s as something as simple as having to lightly touch Killer’s shoulder when walking past—otherwise Killer would probably just assume he’s dreaming or it isn’t real.

On the other hand, if I remember correctly, Epic has very vivid and distressing nightmares where he has to constantly fight against creatures/a creature every night due to his magical eye thing. And as a result he learns actual fighting experience from this, but he also often wakes up in pain and panicking. His nightmares are legitimately traumatizing for him.

So I’m assuming Epic would avoid sleep as much as possible, especially in a case such as this, where a beloved friend needs sleep and can’t afford being woken up by his nightmares.

So I’m assuming that once Delta first wakes up in the middle of the night, Epic would actually already be up. He probably was surprised and taken aback by Delta’s panicking, but is quick to try and calm the two of them down.

And when Delta starts using ASL, looking unnerved at any noise made, is when Epic realizes that it was worse than he and Color had thought. And maybe he considers waking Color up, because Color has always been better with words and calming people down between the three of them, but Delta frantically shakes his head ‘no.’

Epic doesn’t argue against this, although he knows Delta is likely doing this because he doesn’t want to worry Color and be perceived as ‘weak,’ doesn’t want to disturb Color’s rest. So instead Epic, Delta, and Beta wander off into the kitchen for some late night milk and cookies.

Epic asks if they’re ready to talk about it, to which they shake their head no. Epic again doesn’t argue, instead settles on to the couch with them to watch some random tv series. He pretends not to notice how Delta keeps staring at him instead of the show, squeezing Epic’s arm tightly.

By the time morning comes around and Color is waking up, Delta and Beta have still not spoken verbally and haven’t slept. Neither has Epic—which only inevitably concerns Color even more, which only increases when Delta suddenly starts rapidly singing at him once spotted.

Color asks him to slow down as he approaches, he didn’t catch that, Epic turning down the volume on the show and turning to face the others more directly. Once Color is seated, he asks Delta to repeat what he said, more slowly this time.

Why didn’t you two hear us? Why didn’t you open it? Why didn’t you look? Why did you leave? We were screaming.

And Epic and Color share a look, confused, before Color begins prompting them to explain with more questions. Look where? Open what? Leave where?

Gradually, they begin to piece together what happened—often Delta and Beta have to pause when they start dissociating again or get too choked up, Color asks Epic to get them a glass of water at some point, but stops when they start panicking again at the question (don’t leave)—and the whole time Delta’s hands are gripping on to his friends so tightly it almost hurts.

I can see them letting Delta and Beta cry it out and calm down enough before Color starts to explain, helps them piece together what was dream and what was memory, versus what actually happened.

I can see Epic trying to make them laugh using his usual humor and memes, because he can see that their paranoia about the silence is making them cautious to speak and furthering their dissociation. Which of course makes it harder for them to fully process what was happening and what is happening.

I think, once they realized what was happening, Delta and Beta might actually feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about how they reacted to something that “didn’t even happen.” Delta probably feels guilty, assuming it means that some part of him thinks of Epic and Color as the type of people who’d do that to them.

To which they’d have to reassure him that, no, it was out of his control and doesn’t make him a bad friend or a bad person for having nightmares and feeling abandoned.

I can also see, if either Delta or Beta realizes what happened before the other did, they will attempt to help comfort and ground the other too; such as Beta petting the body’s hand, or hugging themselves due to not being able to physically hug each other. Talking out loud to soothe each other, reminding the other that not only does Epic and Color still love them, but they love each other, too.

[kadextra]

LETS GO rambling and analysis time now that I finished part one

MAJOR MAJOR spoilers under the cut

KAI

NOOOOO how is he gonna get out??? I will say him as the first to use rising dragon felt extremely deserved, I clapped and cheered during that fight scene. but now he’s stuck in the netherworld with the remaining forbidden five and that’s scary.

I teared up seeing Nya activate her rising dragon style in her grief for him. in the next part she’s gonna find out Jay forgot who she is too… so much heartache for Nya 😞

Really enjoyed Bonzle in these episodes as well, learning about her origin of being a spell, her journey of discovering herself as a person and finding a found family :’) at least she’s with Kai now….

and I’ve felt terrible for Lloyd every episode. him getting slammed by those visions constantly, unexpectedly, even in the middle of a fight which sends him spiraling, that’s so rough :((

It’s obvious they’re a representation of panic attacks/he has developed a canon panic disorder- like Lloyd literally says it at one point. they happen suddenly, give anxious fear about present and future events, he gets scared about having another one so he tries to cope by not sleeping (unhealthy coping method) and is taught later on to try accepting the feelings and ride it out which is a way irl therapists teach. good to see some more exploration of mental health in this show!! I’m glad the other characters are taking notice and trying to help too in the ways they can

…speaking of mental health, Arin has been interesting to watch. he’s reading to me more as an autistic-coded character lately (like that line about not understanding social cues???) and we’ve been seeing lots more negative self-esteem issues and insecurity from him in these episodes. him making mistakes during the training sessions, getting scolded, then closing himself off was hard to watch

How Sora decided to hide the truth about Arin’s “object spinjitzu” that saved the day at the very end so he would feel proud of himself for achieving something hurt my heart. she is such a sweet friend who wants her bestie to be happy and feel proud of himself but like- keeping secrets is gonna have consequences down the line. especially when we all know this is a touchy subject for Arin right now. it’s just painful to see how deeply Arin’s self-worth is tied to what he’s capable of doing, what he can and cannot do for the ninja team. he can’t use elemental power he can’t do spinjitzu properly, he’s already insecure so how would he feel to find out ppl are lying to his face so he can feel happier? he’s a string that’s gonna snap one day and judging from that beatdown moment with Lord Ras it’s not going to be pretty. I sense some sort of villain arc approaching for our son

(someone send these people to therapy they’re so traumatized)

In another news: Cole and Geo gay love! homosexuals! maybe a QPR! I don’t care whatever it is, it’s clear they love each other

And it certainly wouldn’t be a ninjago season without the destiny’s bounty crashing and burning <333 was also nice seeing Jay for 10 seconds again <3333

Now my current question is what’s the source dragon tournament thing Lord Ras’ master is talking about??? tournament?? 👀 it’s basically implied that master is a source dragon or a being that rivals their power

can’t wait for the next part to release agugugsjkhkdbqjdpgsiduggjneosgktnalfhdiqkwkfjfialwkg

[collectionofsinglefathers]

so this one is gonna get a bit more personal than I usually like to get but I have a bad habit of just not talking about my mental health period so like. I don’t know, I guess I wanna try to break that? and also I’ve wanted to in general start posting here more, not specifically about personal stuff but like anything, which is why i’ve been sporadically posting about me writing and stuff like that. but general content warnings, and I’m gonna tag these too so dw, but yeah general content warning up top for depression and anxiety. ALSO, a spoiler warning (which i’ll also put in the tags) for the ending of the first campaign and the third campaign of critical role since this is gonna be centered around that. now I haven’t actually watched the finale of c3, I have avoided literally everything about it so far except for the tailgate stream which i watched almost all of earlier today during my lunch break, but the spoiler warning is more for the earlier Vox Machina centric episodes. and normally, this many years on, I wouldn’t bother putting a spoiler warning for the first campaign, but with the animated show, in case there are new viewers for the campaign or in case there are people who don’t wanna know what happens at the end of c1 because of the animated show, I wanted to make sure I also put a spoiler warning for c1 as well, just to cover all my bases.

NOW. I'm not gonna get into any specific details about my personal struggles, but I have dealt with some level of depression or anxiety for a good portion of my life. the farthest back that I can remember an actual thing where I'm like "oh yeah that was probably depression" is when I was in sixth grade, and for context I'm going to turn 30 this year. there was a time, before I got into CR, where I was both unemployed AND no longer going to school of any kind (college didn't work out for me). in fact, the period of time when I stopped school/was out of work and me getting a job finally was 2 years, and in that time I was NOT in a good place mentally. not in any danger to myself but definitely not doing great. but in that time, I found critical role.

fun fact, I actually found it through a cosplayer I liked on vine at the time. this guy I followed would cosplay as some of the characters, and I had followed them because he also was quite a good singer and I thought he was funny, so when he started posting CR cosplay videos, I looked it up, and that's where I had first discovered it. I watched the first couple of episodes and was HOOKED IMMEDIATELY. I remember, for three weeks straight, it was the only thing I watched as I binged through the first campaign in order to catch up to be current with the campaign (which funnily enough was episode 69). and the character I connected to the most (mostly due to aesthetic if I'm being honest, and also because he was my favorite voice actor at the time) was Vax.

fast forward to the final arc of the first campaign, where they first face off against Vecna, and Vax dies. I remember just laying on my living room floor staring up at the ceiling in absolutely shock and horror at how that fight played out. and obviously, if you have watched c1, you know how that goes for him. he comes back, but temporarily, and is dead dead by the last episode, and I was a WRECK during the c1 finale because of that.

Vax was already my favorite, but when I got to the beginning of the chroma conclave arc, where you see Vax at first really struggling with what they're even doing anymore, to then almost losing his sister and having this insane downward spiral mentally before pulling out of it... It kind of hit a bit close to home for me, because of how much I was also going through it. and watching Vax be able to get out of his own bad place really helped me get out of mine. so when he died at the end of c1, it really fucked me up. not in a way where I was like, upset at the cast or matt or anything like that. but like. c1 is my favorite campaign, but I have never once been able to rewatch or relisten past the briarwood arc because every time I get to the point where keyleth and vax talk at the sun tree about their feelings, I just can't do it. it's far too close to home for me.

now fast forward A LOT OF TIME. to the end of c3. now, I had been in and out of keeping up with c3. not because of me not enjoying it or being frustrated like I've seen other people talk about when it comes to this campaign. it's been because of my mental health, and how I've been dealing with it for the past year, year and a half I'd say. but as the campaign has started to reach a climax to the end, I decided to finally buckle down and get through it because I knew that I wanted to watch it, it was just a matter of DOING IT. and I actually listened to a good amount of this campaign, but when I finally got to the VM episodes, I actually needed to watch. and actually, what I did, it reminded me a lot of when I was binging c1, just in a much shorter amount of time. for an entire weekend, I watched nothing but critical role. and when I got to the last VM episode of this final stretch, when matt put vax's mini on the board after they freed him from the malleus key. I straight up had to pause the episode because I started sobbing. like full on heaving full body sobbing. I was trying so hard to stay quiet because I was so worried that others in my household were going to be worried about me, that's how hard I was crying.

because Vax means a lot to me. he's very, very close to my heart. he will forever live in my mind and my soul. I have a lot of vague ideas for tattoos that I want to eventually get and for a very long time I thought I would want my first one to be a lotr tattoo but I actually thought about it more recently and I want it to actually be the vax tattoo idea I had planned, which was a general idea I had for something to do with raven feathers and snowdrop flowers, and maybe also a dagger. he's really, really important to me. I get emotional just thinking about how important he is to me. I'm emotional right now writing this.

now like I said, I haven't watched the finale to c3 yet. I probably won't fully finish it until some time this weekend cuz. ya know. 8 and a half hours long. but I have been thinking a lot about things that marisha and liam said in that final 4 sided dive, and about things that were said in the cooldown for that last VM episode when they destroyed the malleus key. and I've been trying really really REALLY REALLY hard to not get my hopes up about the possibility of VM being able to keep vax, because I know if I let myself get too hopeful about it and it doesn't happen, it'll fucking WRECK me real bad. but I also know that I'm gonna be fucked up either way so.

I don't know if I'm gonna end up liveblogging me watching the finale. we'll see. either way, I'm definitely gonna be not checking any notifications on here for this post, or any post I might make while watching the finale, just in case someone reads this and decides to be a dick and send me spoilers. but in any case. I just wanted to say all that somewhere, and I don't know if I quite have the courage yet to say ALL of that to someone I actually know (I've already said some of it to my best friend, but not everything).

but that's it. wish me luck, as I am now about to start watching the finale.

[princessbellecerise]

so, so many thoughts for episode 3. spoilers

first, BAELA AND MOONDANCER I LOVE MY GIRL SO MUCH OMG. the Hightowers absolutely pissing themselves and gwayne crying. my girl had them crying in fear she’s soooo daemon’s daughter

second—im kind of conflicted. On one hand im pissed that Rhaenyra and rhaenys refuse to acknowledge that they’re already in a war, like they are MARCHING as you speak and it’s so frustrating bc theyre trying to prevent a war THATS ALREADY HAPPENING! there IS NO preventing it!! it started the day they usurped your throne girl. you didn’t honestly think you’d get it back without resistance did you?

like I understand them trying to prevent bloodshed and Rhae is trying to be a good Queen and spare her subjects but at this points it’s like girl, either you fight back or you just give up your throne bc sitting there in denial trying to convince your childhood friend to put a stop this isn’t cutting it

And I’m sorry but show rhaenys is just pissing me off. Giving vague, awful advice to Rhaenyra, and not advising her to act as the enemy is literally marching on them?? Girl wtf

The brothel scene…oh my god

When Aemond turned around I FUCKING SCREAMED I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN BUT IT HAPPENED. HOTD HAD OFFICIALLY ENTERED GAME OF THRONES TERRITORY

aegon sitting there making fun of his brother and we finally get to see that he was Aemond’s bully along, even in adulthood when aemond has done nothing but support his brother

“I’m as fearsome as any of the them” the way the whole room was trying not to laugh… 😭

ALICENT OMG

She turned Rhaenyra away not because she disagrees, but because she now fully realizes that she has no more power anymore. Even if she wanted to stop the war, SHE CANT. She put the men around her in power and now she’s forced to watch them completely overrun her. Aegon isn’t as malleable as she thought, Otto is gone and she knows what aemond is (and what he’s gonna become). Bless Rhaenyra and I think it’s just beautiful how she truly thought alicent had power because she as Queen is used to wielding that kind of power but she doesn’t realize that most women do not have that opportunity. Even the dowager queen is just that—a widow. Without Viserys, no one listens to alicent anymore and now she can’t even speak through her sons

I’m sorry but I don’t like what they’re doing with Helaena. Idk if it’s gonna manifest later that she’s going mad but Jaehaerys’ death is literally the spiral that leads to her own death. Idk if they’re gonna change it or what but they’re gonna have to

I’m sorry but the last twenty minutes were pure fanfiction bc how the hell does public enemy #1 sneak into Kings Landing, the white of her hair sticking out, and NO ONE NOTICES. the writers need to just stop but besides that I did like that they finally addressed Alicent’s ‘misunderstanding.’ I swear my heart was pounding in that scene and I was so happy she finally knows he was STILL TALKING ABOUT RHAENYRA. She knows, but it’s too late.

last but not least, Rhaena. I understand her frustration but honestly I agree with Rhaenyra, and I like how they’re foreshadowing that she indeed will be the last of the Targaryen legacy <333

okay I lied, Jace is last BUT I can’t be only one who sees how frustrated he’s getting and I think he’s gonna snap. I think he doesn’t agree with the way her council is talking to his mother but he DOES agree that they need to act. I think he knows that trying to prevent war that’s already happening is fruitless and they’re wasting time and he knows and I wonder how that’s gonna play out with Rhaenyra

[billygoat26]

Oh yeah, time to be very late to the hyper analysis of the first outro in season two of JJK! Spoilers ahead btw… obviously but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Here’s the outro btw.

Anyways, idk wtf is being said, but the visuals is what I was focused on… more so the fish because Gojo and Geto have been my main JJK focus soooo….

Anyways, ya see how it starts off with both of their respective fish being white? Obviously one is Gojo’s, considering that bright ass blue eye, and the other is Geto. Geto wasn’t bad at the start. He, along side Gojo, was actually doing good, not suffering with the thoughts and questioning the purpose of Jujutsu Sorcerers and Non-Sorcerers. Of course, we get a glimpse into the transition throughout the episodes, closer to I believe it was episodes four and five of season two. I could be wrong.

But when the fish are shown again, they’re parting ways. A theme shown multiple times between Gojo and Geto, though we all already know why that is..

While parting ways, Geto’s fish fades to black, which if I understand that correctly, it’s like his transition to the “dark side” had been more or less complete, like his actions and mindset were solidified after the departure.

Which leads me to believe that even just before the mini argument, Geto wasn’t fully sold on the killing of all non-sorcerers. Though in the show it’s made to seem like he’s already made his peace with it, I feel like Gojo not killing him and actually letting him go might have been the final push somehow? I dunno.

I’m still trying to figure out the whole thing with Gojo watching the darker fish and Geto looking away from the lighter one, but I truthfully don’t know about that one. Maybe, considering how we’d seen Gojo behaving with the “if you cry and apologize I won’t kill you” thing and later on during the shibuya incident and his fight against the cursed spirits with “feral Gojo” as I think the fandom calls it, it might be like a strange symbolism of the Ying and Yang stuff. A little bit of bad in the good (the dark fish with Gojo) and a bit of good in the bad (the light fish with Geto). Maybe Gojo was a bit more “understanding” for a lack of a better term of the reasoning back then, taking into account his own statements prior to Geto’s spiraling? Geto was probably still rejecting the little bit of goodness that might have proved to spark an internal conflict.. Just some brainstorming on that bit though.

And yet at the end of the outro, the two fish are still swimming together, which probably goes to show how close they still are despite their parallel paths.

In math nerd terms, I’d like to put their friendship in terms of perpendicular lines; they were destined to meet at a point, but fate refused to let them stay together. Hence the divergence in paths.

[owmylasagna-blog]

What do you think of this scene where Lee embraces Eddy near the ending of the movie, and then try to fight Bro to defend him? I found this really cute, and kind of conviced me Lee genuinely likes and cares for him (even if he don't return it, probably never will). I find a shame how many people don't talk about this.

You see… I start answering these questions and then I spiral out into analysis nobody asked for. Here goes!

I had to go back to rewatch these ending scenes of BPS to jog my memory and I can see what you’re talking about. Lee hugs Eddy, picking him up like a cat by the armpits. It’s brief but she’s drawn with little animated bubble hearts. This honestly surprised me, I’d sort of forgotten them from the scene. In this instance it does seem she is genuinely crushing on him. Or maybe she is enamored with how cute he is - I can’t overstate how comically tiny Eddy looks when she is holding him. I’d agree too that Eddy is less than thrilled. Very in character as usual.

Now Lee’s reaction to Eddy getting walloped by Bro is SO interesting. And not from any romantic or shipping perspective in my opinion. Honestly, all the Kankers witnessing Eddy’s abuse (EVERYONE witnessing Eddy’s abuse) is wildly transformational. I’m amazed by how much character analysis you can pack into this 2 minute scene just based on each characters’ reactions but I’m gonna try and stay focused on the task at hand. Lee.

I really admire Lee springing into action here. I think it speaks so much to her bravery, hard headedness, and role as a protector and leader of the pack. Throughout the show we see how she is the typical Oldest Sister and this shines through in how ready she is to defend Eddy. I always interpreted Lee as maybe the most hardened and cynical of men among her sisters, possibly because she remembers the most when it comes to her dad and stepdads. As the eldest, her mother probably levels with her the most about how men are good-for-nothin’, backstabbin’, two timin’, free-loadin’... you get the idea. I have no evidence of this but let's just indulge my inference.

Lee projects a lot of these ideas onto Eddy (the Kankers all do more generally with the Eds), often treating him more like a “boy toy” or thinking that through enough coercion and beating into submission he’ll become the semi-servile husband of her dreams. There is a lot to be said about the tension and toxic hetero relationship dynamic going on here but I can’t blame Lee for grabbing the bull by the horns, taking her control. Unfortunately for Eddy she chose Eddy, and she’s unaware and uninterested in how he feels about it all 99% of the time.

So you can imagine when she sees Eddy, the neighbor boy she has been tormenting because of all these mixed messages about men, getting abused by his brother, an older male family member. The pieces really have to be coming together for Lee of who the real enemy is in this situation. She has to relate and sympathize with Eddy at that moment. For the first time Lee humanizes Eddy, finally seeing him as just another kid that’s been wronged by the men in his life. Like, my heart aches thinking about this. Her blood must be boiling. She comes to his defense in a way we’ve only seen for her sisters. It’s very moving! I love her righteous feminine rage!

This brings up a bigger point of how BPS deviates in some ways from the typical dynamics of the show. The fact that the Kankers are banding together to protect their “boyfriends'' from the rest of the cul-de-sac kids is sort of new. Most episodes are Eds VS cul-de-sac kids or Eds VS Kankers or the occasional Eds VS cul-de-sac+Kankers. It’s nice to see one group of outcasts coming to the defense of another (despite likely not having the best intentions). It takes the Eds royaling pissing off the cul-de-sac kids to catalyze the solidarity between the two trios. And when Bro comes on the scene they get to redirect their antagonizing towards someone who deserves it a bit more.

I’d like to imagine after BPS there is a major shift in the way the Kankers treat and view the Eds. Maybe it’s the eddeddy blinders or maybe I’m still not 100% convinced Lee really has a crush on Eddy but this feels like it could be the start of a more amicable relationship. Or they silently respect each other from afar, Eddy still being tentatively terrified of her ferocity or ever getting on her bad side. But more generally Lee would back off on her antagonizing, and maybe unpack whether or not she likes Eddy or she liked the idea of Eddy. I really can’t see her being very interested in him romantically after BPS but she could have more sympathy and understanding than before.

Anyway it was nice to have a reason to talk about Lee more, so thanks for bringing it up!!! This is just my little interpretation that got way out of hand.