#like i’m crying about it because i had more hopes for me
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Bangtan Christmas ‘24 | Masterlist
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! ❄️🎄
As the twinkling lights of the season surround us, I hope you’ve found some warmth and joy in the fics shared over these past 24 days. Whether you’ve devoured them all or haven’t had the chance to dive in yet, don’t worry—I’ve saved the best for last. This special rec list is my gift to you, filled with winter and Christmas-themed stories that bring me endless joy every year 🥰 It contains the fics I’ve reblogged all throughout December, BUT—also many stories that I sadly didn’t have the time to read, but was on my Christmas to read list. Sometimes life just hits you… and I really wanted to include them to make the most spectacular rec list ✨
I know some of these gems have made appearances on my blog before, but their brilliance never fades—like the soft glow of a winter snowfall, they’re just as magical every time. These stories are so breathtaking, I could shout about them until my voice becomes a whisper in the frosty air. So, please, from the bottom of my heart, take a moment to show these incredible authors some love 🎁 They’ve poured their time and creativity into crafting these beautiful tales for us, and it’s truly a gift we’re lucky to receive.
A kind comment, a heartfelt message, even a simple like or reblog—it all makes a difference. You never know how much warmth a few words can bring to a writer’s heart, especially during the cold days of winter. And even if some of them are on hiatus and don’t respond, know that your appreciation is felt.
Before we dive into this treasure trove of stories, I want to take a moment to say an enormous thank you to all the writers out there. Your words weave wonders, creating characters and worlds that have made me smile, cry, and above all, feel deeply. If your story is on this list, know that I’ve read it more times than I can count—it’s that extraordinary. So, thank you for crafting such brilliant art with your writing. You are a gift to this community, and we’re all better for it 💜
Now, let’s cozy up and explore these winter wonders together ❄️✨
Because these rec lists are so long, I’ve decided to separate them into each member (I really hope you don’t mind!).
Namjoon
Seokjin
Yoongi
Hoseok
Jimin
Taehyung
Jungkook
Please show all of the guys’ list some love, okay? 🥹
I truly hope you find joy in diving into all these wonderful stories! 🥰 Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to explore this rec list. I couldn’t resist creating another one—I’ve missed it dearly. I know some of you enjoyed the monthly rec lists, so I hope this little collection brings a spark of joy to your holiday season.
If this list has brought a smile to your face, I kindly ask that you consider reblogging it. The more it’s shared, the more people can discover these incredible stories, and together, we can spread even more holiday cheer to the talented writers who make this season a little more magical with their words ❄️✨
Hello, lovely people! I’m Lissa, both a reader and a writer at heart. Though I don’t write much fanfiction these days, my love for reading and recommending fics burns as bright as ever. If you’re looking for more Bangtan fanfics to cozy up with, you’re more than welcome to follow me, or simply explore my rec library. There’s always something special waiting for you.
With all my love, and borahae always 💜
#bangtan christmas#lissa's 25 days of christmas#bts christmas#christmas fics#bts fanfiction#bts fic recs#bts fics#bts fanfic#bts fic#bts smut#bts imagine#bts x reader smut#bts x y/n#bts x you#bts x reader#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfiction#bangtan fanfic#bangtan fic#bangtan x reader#bangtan x you#jungkook x reader#namjoon x reader#hoseok x reader#seokjin x reader#jimin x reader#taehyung x reader#yoongi x reader
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sorrow. (l.hs)
pairing. ex! hee x fem reader ❦︎ exes to lovers ; non-idol au, a bit of angst n fluff. wc. 986 synopsis. heeseung’s forced to break up w u but the two of u never move on from each other.
a/n: this took so long, i was seriously debating deleting this and quitting forever LMAO but thankfully the amazing @soadparker (aka vic) gave me some ideas n that encouraged me to finish it >< this was obviously inspired by sorrow - flyleaf, which i totally recommend to listen to while reading.
sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence.
“what do you mean? you want to break up?” your eyes start to tear up.
“y/n.. it’s just not working out anymore.” heeseung looks away, fidgeting with his hands.
“what? what happened? what went wrong?” you stare at him in disbelief. just a few days ago he was in your arms, whispering that you’re his safe place and now he wants to break up?
“nothing went wrong. i just.. i need some time, for myself.” he gets up from the couch, looking at you one last time before leaving.
truth is heeseung didn’t want to break up with you. but after a very long argument with his very strict family, they forced him to. it broke him seeing you like that.
someone so perfect, heartbroken all because his family couldn’t stand the sight of you and him together.
i’ll take this piece of you, and hope for all eternity.
his parents constantly introduced him to girls that they thought were absolutely perfect for him. every time he went on a date with one of them, they all seem to fall short compared to you.
he misses you, a lot. hoping for one day his parents will back off, also hoping you don’t find someone new, someone maybe even.. better.
after a month since he broke up with you, you went to your best friend who comforted you.. just in a different way.
“get up, let’s go to the club.” she says, looking at you crying.
“the club? seriously? i’m heartbroken and you’re suggesting the club?” your friend rolls her eyes.
“he’s just a bump in the road amongst other bumps you’ll encounter. it’s not the end of the world.” you scoff, holding your pillow tighter. “he’s not a bump, he’s a mountain i can’t cross over.”
she sucks her teeth at your dramatic response. “girl shut the fuck up.”
he knew each tear before it came.
few months pass and you feel like you’re healing. seeing a new guy and although deep down somewhere in your heart you wish he was heeseung, you settle.
“babe! ready to go?” your new boyfriend yells from the kitchen. “just a sec!” you grab your keys and phone. today’s heeseung’s birthday, your calendar app reminds you.
as your boyfriend drives, you can’t help but think about heeseung and the many birthdays the two of you spent together. one specific comes to mind.
“open your eyes.” heeseung whispers in your ear. when you do, you’re met with a fort made of blankets, pillows, your favorite snacks and a projector playing your favorite movie.
that week had been hard for you. your manager at work on your ass, fighting with your parents again, grades falling behind, all you wanted to do was lay in his arms and the best of all, he knew that.
he knew you like no other. you tear up, and heeseung wipes it away as he cups your face.
“i know you had a hard week and i just want you to relax for your birthday so, i completed a few homework assignments and i called your parents.” you immediately pull him into a hug, a much needed hug.
just like the one you need right now. instead of heeseung, the wind wipes your tear away and your new boyfriend glances at you as he drives.
“everything okay?” you lift your head, giving him a weak smile.
“yeah everything’s fine.” he nods and smiles at you too.
if it were heeseung he would’ve already pulled over and pulled you onto his lap to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
and we kiss each other one more time.
heeseung was drowning. he needed an out and now. he wanted to text you, to see you again. god his heart ached every time he thought about you.
how the two of you would have fights but would never go to sleep angry at each other, how much he fell for you everyday, how you would snuggle closer to him.
the thoughts become overbearing and soon enough, he chooses you. over his family, over everything because you are his everything. he finally leaves home without a word or a letter.
as he settles into his new place, he debates calling you.
you, on the other hand, end up breaking up with your boyfriend after realizing maybe a part of you is still in love with heeseung. (you totally are.)
the week after that breakup, you head out to the city. window shopping, walking around, just to clear your head.
heeseung just so happened to be doing the same thing. minding his own business, going about his afternoon. then he stops in his tracks, eyes widen with tears threatening to spill out.
“y/n…” he lets out in a whisper, now almost sprinting towards you. you notice him, as soon as he takes you into his embrace. your world narrows down to just to two of you, like it used to. you pull away first.
“heeseung?” he immediately tears up again.
“i’m so sorry y/n. im so sorry for leaving you.” his heart is on fire, praying you’d take him back. “please let me make it up to you. let me explain everything.”
your own eyes start to water, smiling at him. “please..” he whispers, resting his forehead against yours.
without a doubt, you wrap your arms around his neck and pressed your lips on his. the kiss is gentle, full of warmth and love. your love.
“so is that a yes?” he murmurs against your lips then you laugh softly, pulling back. “yes. it’s a yes.” you reply, knowing your heart will always and forever be his, his alone.
just like his heart is yours.
#enha#enha drabbles#enha imagines#enha scenarios#enha x reader#enhypen#enhypen heeseung#heeseung#heeseung drabbles#heesung enhypen#lee heesung x reader#lee heeseung#lee heeseung fluff#lee heeseung fic#lee heeseung fanfiction#heeseung fanfic#enhypen fanfiction#enha fluff#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fluff#enhypen ff#enhypen au#heeseung au
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Too Late Roommate, pt. 1
having a roommate that—at first—you think is just gaining weight. watching their belly press up against their shirt, their appetite getting almost aggressive. watching them try and fail to fit into their clothes, watching them get more and more out of breath from doing things they used to do with ease. you think they’re just gaining weight…until you catch them standing with the bathroom door open, shirt lifted up, inspecting a very round swell in the mirror. you stop in your tracks. it’s an unmistakable bulge. there’s even the beginnings of a vertical line, running right down the middle. that’s…
you can’t help it. you speak before you think it through. “are you…pregnant?”
they don’t look at you. they poke their belly, and then cup it. there’s a bit of fear in their expression. “i’m too busy right now, but i’ll terminate soon. i can’t have a baby.”
one look at their ripe belly tells you they’re far beyond the time for that.
it’s two entire months later that they waddle out of their room and ask you, wide-eyed, if you can take them to the clinic. one hand is on their back, and the other cups their protruding belly. something tells you they just felt it kick—like a good, serious kick, not flutters they can call indigestion—for the first time, just had the reality hit them.
unfortunately for them, it’s long been too late.
you take them to the clinic anyway. you don’t know why you do any of the things you do—you act stupid around them, now. it’s like you’re sharing their denial, but all because you’re intrigued. how long can they drag this out? how long before they pop?
you darkly hope it happens in your apartment.
you touch yourself, in secret, to the idea. you touch yourself to the glimpses you steal of them struggling to bend over and pick something up. of how they jump whenever the thing moves a little inside them when you’re both watching TV, and then try to play it off. of the soft crying at night you can hear through the wall.
they shock you by coming right back out of the abortion clinic and getting back in the passenger seat, head hung low.
their belly is still very pregnant, poorly hidden by their parka. their face is streaked with tears.
“so…”
“they wouldn’t let me.”
“okay.”
the rest of the drive home is in silence. the weight in the air—the shared knowledge you both have that this baby is real, and going to be born soon—hangs heavily, just like their belly lately.
you go back into the apartment, and your roommate is already out of breath. they huff and puff and sit down on the couch with a big “hooo…” kind of noise, groaning at their pregnancy. you just start making the two—or three of you, rather—some sandwiches in silence.
“i’m sorry,” their quavering voice breaks the tension at last. you eye them, but don’t speak. they can’t meet your eyes. “i know…i know this…it’s gotten out of control. but i didn’t think it was…”
“how far along did you think you were?” you ask, with a patronizing bite that slips out of your mouth before you can stop it. they wince a little, and look warily at their prominent bump. it gets really big when they sit like this, sitting high and jutting out. imposing. impending.
they’re terrified. “i don’t…l…”
“how far along are you?”
“I didn’t find out. they wanted to…give it…an ultrasound, but…i can’t…”
“do you have a plan? who’s the father?”
they don’t answer. you can tell they’re about to cry.
you should leave them alone. you hand them their sandwich, taking a bite out of your own. they take it tentatively, but then lurch a little bit. another big kick, surely. they seem to have lost their appetite, and try setting it down on the coffee table.
they struggle to reach. to sit upright at all. you have to help them.
this action seems to finally break them. they start softly weeping.
you sit down beside them on the couch, abandoning your sandwich as well.
“once it comes, you can give it up for adoption—“ you start to say.
“I didn’t know you could get pregnant on the first time,” they sob, holding their belly. “I don’t know anything. My parents…they’re going to…”
they haven’t shared much with you about their home life, but you know it was incredibly strict. perhaps religious, but they haven’t clarified. they just cry, and look down at their swollen womb. for the first time, you notice that they’re wearing their jeans completely unbuttoned and unzipped. they haven’t bought maternity jeans.
“I can’t have a baby.”
something in you snaps.
“But you will,” you say, standing up. they look up at you, teary-eyed, but don’t say anything. “You’re going to get even bigger, and you’re going to push that thing out—probably here, in our bath tub. You fucked, and now you’re going to have a baby. Soon. Stop denying it.”
There’s a heavy silence between you, until your roommate heavily picks themself up. you try to help, but they push your hand away.
“Listen, I’m sorry, but you need to make a plan—“
They waddle away, unable to control their sniffling as they begin to cry again. they carry the heft of their belly with both hands as if the baby will fall out of them otherwise. And they disappear into their room.
—
You don’t see them much after that. It’s clear they’re avoiding you. You can’t say you don’t understand. You try to put your nerves aside—this is their problem. Their burden in their belly. You’re not the one who’s pregnant, you shouldn’t worry about it.
The crying at night continues.
But in the middle of the night, maybe two or three weeks after the clinic visit, you wake up with a start. you don’t think anything of it at first, until you hear it again. the sound that woke you up. it’s a bit muffled, but it’s a low moan. Like a cow.
Dread spears through you. It’s time.
#long post#nonbinary pregnancy#nbpreg#trans pregnancy#pregnancy k1nk#dark preg#birth denial#pregnancy denial
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Hey , will we get an update on AOP ? If not you mentioned we could get a sneak peak . Could we get that ?
Heyyy sweet anon!! How’s it going?? I hope you’re having the BEST day ever and soaking in all the Christmas magic!! I’m so sorry I didn’t check my inbox earlier, and well… rest is history, right? But hey, better late than never, right?? Sooo, here’s a little sneak peek for you, I hope you like it!
Okay, quick heads up:
This is the beginning of chapter 3. I mean, it’s not super exciting or anything yet (shocker, right?), but I promise it’ll do for now. I’m still working on the chapter, so cut me some slack. Also, I’ve realized I have a ridiculous amount of love for Kenji right now… like, why did I just say that out loud? 🤷♀️ Oh well, I did. #KenjiIsLife
So, here’s a little snippet (under the cut, obviously because suspense and all that jazz). Please try your best to like it, even though my dialogue game is still under construction. I swear, I’m leveling up my writing skills (slowly but surely). 😅 And seriously, tell me what you think, I’m dying to know!
And... uh, forgive me? Or maybe not? But, like, please? 🙈
Alright, here it goes—enjoy!
(Jimin have nothing to do with it. I merely posted him to distract you from all the mess I've posted)
The darkness wrapped the sky in its velvet shroud, a blend of endless black and the faint glow of stars. The moon hung high, heavy and luminous, as if holding up the weight of the heavens. Its light spilled through the open window, brushing across the room in silvery streaks, making the shadows dance on the walls. The cold air slipped in, sharp and biting, rushing past your face. You inhaled deeply, your chest rising as the chill pricked your skin.
It was already midnight, and sleeping wasn't an option. Your fingers gripped the edge of the windowsill, as you leaned forward, staring into the stillness of the night. The coolness of the wood beneath your palm punished you, but your mind was far away, caught in a storm you couldn’t quite name
You weren’t crying—there were no tears left to shed. You weren’t angry either. The fiery edge of rage had dulled long ago, leaving behind an ache too stubborn to fade.
You exhaled sharply, your breath mingling within the cold air. It wasn’t sadness—not anymore. You’d come to terms with it after talking to Elizabeth.
Your shoulders slumped, and you rubbed at your temples, trying to massage away the tension. It wasn’t about you. It never had been. Your reflection in the window—dull eyes and a tired face—stared back, and you nodded at it, a soft chuckle skipping past your lips. Acceptance wasn’t a choice; it was the only option left.
You thought enough about it, and one thing you grew certain of was that it was, and never would be, about you. You were ready to accept the bond—it was always about him. You knew you couldn’t keep trying alone. You tilted your head back, the moonlight catching the wet shine in your eyes, though no tears fell. It wasn’t how it worked. It couldn’t be.
Slowly, you pulled back from the window, the cold air chasing after you. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you let out a shaky breath. You wouldn’t beg—not for him, not for love. No.
You couldn’t deny it, not to yourself at least—you wanted to try. More than anything. Your chest ached with the thought, your fingers curling into the fabric of your shirt as if clutching at the hope you refused to voice. You didn’t know much about him, not really, except one undeniable truth: he was intense, passionate, extreme. And so were his emotions—wild, consuming, and impossibly bright. But he hid them, masked them behind a wall so impenetrable that even you, his mate, couldn’t see through it.
Your hands trembled as you ran them through your hair, the strands tangling between your fingers. The memory of his dark, shimmering boba eyes flashed in your mind. You’d imagined them so many nights—staring at you, full of the love and affection you so desperately wanted. No, deserved. Didn’t you? And even if you didn’t, a part of you insisted he should give it anyway. Because weren’t you his mate? Your lips pressed into a thin line, and your jaw clenched as bitterness bubbled in your chest.
You had the right to him, didn’t you? But fate, cruel and merciless as it always was, had turned your bond into a twisted game. Or maybe it wasn’t fate at all. Maybe it was him—your mate, the one who could ignite every nerve in your body with a single glance but chose instead to keep his distance.
Your shoulders sagged, and you leaned back against the wall, letting the cold surface seep through your dress. You didn’t know why he kept you at arm’s length, why his indifference cut so deep. A sharp breath escaped your lips, your chest tightening. Did you even want to know? That was the question that kept you awake at night, gnawing at the edges of your sanity.
The air felt heavier now, as you straightened, your fingers curling into fists at your sides. You didn’t know the reason behind his indifference. But did you want to? That was a big question now. You wouldn’t beg. Not for a man’s attention, not for his love. You might crave him—God, you craved him with every fiber of your being. His presence, his touch, the way his voice seemed to echo in your mind long after he’d spoken. But you would cut yourself open before you begged.
You were just a low-ranking werewolf, a speck compared to the royal Lycan king. But rank didn’t matter now, not to you. You would not grovel—not for him or anyone. If he wanted you, he’d have to fight for you, just as fiercely as you’d once wanted to fight for him. And it wasn’t necessarily that bad here; at least you were being fed.
There was no point in thinking about it now. As tired as your mind was, your body was weirdly energetic, yet you felt paradoxically weak—the lack of training and shifting in weeks was finally getting to you.
Your eyes darted around the room, taking in the too-familiar walls and furniture. Boredom surged like a wildfire, quick and consuming. You hated this place—its silence, its stillness. But if someone were to ask what you hated most, the answer came easily, almost reflexively. Him. Your mate. Jeon Jungkook.
You huffed, shaking your head as if trying to dislodge the thought. You stood there for a moment, swaying slightly, your arms hanging limply at your sides. Your chest rose and fell in slow, deliberate breaths. The night wrapped around you like a second skin, colder than it should’ve been. You rubbed your arms absentmindedly, even though you felt no sense of cold. There was something strange in the air tonight, though. Something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It clung to you, just out of reach, like a whisper you couldn’t fully hear.
You, once again, reached to the window, your fingertips brushing the edge of the curtain. The cold glass pressed against your palm as you stared out at the still, dark world. A frown tugged at your lips. It wasn’t delight you were feeling—not even close. It wasn’t contentment either. No, this was different, deeper.
Fulfillment. As if something had shifted back into place, something you hadn’t realized was missing.
But with it came fear. A cold, tearing fear that settled in your chest and refused to let go. Your hand pressed over your heart, feeling its unsteady rhythm thrum beneath your skin. Your throat tightened, and your eyes flicked toward the moonlit horizon, searching for something you couldn’t name.
You turned away from the window, pacing the room with quick, uneven steps. Your fingers ran through your hair, tugging at the strands as if the slight pain would ground you. It didn’t.
You paused mid-step, staring at your hands as they trembled. Was it the bond? You didn’t know, but your gut screamed that it was. Everything—the restlessness, the strange sense of completion, the fear—it all traced back to him.
You glanced out the window at the night sky—heavenly dark and ethereally calm—and a small smile tugged at your lips, unbidden. The moon was truly magnificent tonight; you thought nothing could ever match the quiet beauty of nature—especially the moon.
You drew in a long, deep breath, holding it in your chest before letting it out slowly. The weight against your ribs loosened, if only a little. Your eyes dropped to your hands, fingers curling and uncurling as you bit your bottom lip in thought.
Without a second thought, you turned on your heel, your movements dogged but not rushed. You slipped out of your quarters and into the dimly lit hallway, pausing for a moment to glance around.
Where to go?
You tilted your head, brows knitting together as the question settled in your mind. You didn’t have an answer, you merely didn't want to sit in your quarters. With a small nod to yourself.
The guards stationed along the walls watched you with wary eyes, their expressions unreadable. You didn’t pay them any mind, your focus elsewhere. The coolness of the air pressed against your skin, seeping through your clothes like icy fingers. A shiver ran down your spine, but instead of recoiling, you welcomed it.
Winter was near. The thought sent a flicker of warmth through you, chasing away some of the cold. You’d always loved winter, the way the world transformed under a blanket of snow, quiet and pristine. In just a month, the first snowfall would come, covering everything in a soft, white hush.
A smile broke across your face, wide and genuine. Your fingers brushed against your arms as you imagined the crunch of snow beneath bare feet, or the feel of it against your fur in wolf form. She loved winter too.
And then there was the blue moon. Only three weeks away, a grand celebration waiting on the horizon. The thought made your chest swell with anticipation, and a quiet giggle escaped your lips before you could stop it.
Your steps quickened, your feet almost skipping as you moved through the halls. You practically bounced on your toes, the cold air swirling around you but unable to dampen your mood. For the first time in days, maybe weeks, something sparked inside you—something bright, something hopeful.
But happiness had always been a fleeting guest in your life, and tonight proved no exception. Your steps faltered, the soft rhythm of your bare feet on the cold floor coming to an abrupt halt. The smile that had warmed your lips vanished, leaving them pressed into a thin line as Jungkook’s voice tore through the stillness of the still night.
It was sharp, loud, booming even. The sound echoed around you, bouncing off the walls. Without realizing it, you had wandered near his quarters. Your chest tightened as frustration bubbled beneath your skin. No matter how much you tried, how much you willed yourself to stay away, you always found yourself here—drawn to him like a moth to flame. You hated it. You hated him.
Your teeth dug into your bottom lip. His voice rang out again, louder this time, filled with venom and a simmering rage that made your stomach churn.
“I’m not obligated to tell you anything. Anything.”
Your body flinched involuntarily at the sound, as if the force of his anger had reached out and struck you. It wasn’t fear, not exactly. It was instinct—your body recoiling from the raw, unfiltered aggression in his tone.
You turned your head slightly, your gaze shifting to the floor. Your lips parted, but no sound came out. For a moment, you considered walking away, your feet itching to retreat. But you stayed rooted to the spot.
He was angry.
He was yelling.
But why? At who?
The questions spun relentlessly in your mind, but the answers evaded you. Your curiosity, though unwelcome, began clawing at your chest, demanding to be fed. A small voice whispered in the back of your head, urging you to move closer, to press your ear to the door and unravel the tension vibrating through the walls.
You shook your head, swallowing hard, forcing your feet to stay planted. Jungkook had made many things painfully clear on your first day here—one of them being that you were not to involve yourself in pack matters unless explicitly asked. His rules were ironclad, just like the wall he had built between the two of you.
Fine. If he didn’t respect or care for you, you wouldn’t care for him—or his pack. You took a slow, deliberate step forward, ready to walk past his quarters without so much as a glance.
But then you heard it.
Her voice.
Elizabeth.
The sound froze you mid-step, your body stiffening as if an invisible force had gripped you by the shoulders. She was in there, her voice carrying through the closed door—tenacious, loud, yet gentle. She was asking him something, and though his voice was lower now, you could still hear the anger simmering in every clipped word he threw back at her.
Your stomach twisted, curiosity roaring to life and twisting into something darker. Jealousy.
The fire of it ignited low in your chest, spreading quickly, burning hotter with every second you stood there. What were they talking about? Why was she here, in his quarters, this late? The questions pushed everything else from your mind, leaving only a sharp, all-consuming need to know.
Your jaw tightened, teeth grinding together as your breath came out shakier than you wanted to admit. Your chest heaved as you stared at the door, as if willing it to give up its secrets. The thought of her—of them—on the other side of it sent a cold, bitter shiver down your spine. You clenched your teeth harder, your body trembling with an emotion you didn’t want to name.
Still, your feet remained rooted, caught between storming forward and fleeing altogether. You told yourself you didn’t care, that whatever was happening in that room didn’t matter to you. But the fire raging inside you screamed otherwise.
"Jungkook, you can’t just run away from all you’ve done!" Elizabeth’s voice cut through the heavy, pregnant silence like a blade, shrill and demanding. Each word was laced with venom, her tone rising an octave with every syllable. "It’ll be the death of us all. Do you even have any idea what would happen if Jimin found out what you’ve done? Do you know how many vamp—"
“Leave!!”
Jungkook’s voice thundered through the air, slamming into you like a physical force. The raw power in his Alpha command made your breath hitch, your chest tightening painfully as if an unseen hand had wrapped itself around your throat, forcing you to bare it.
Your knees buckled slightly, your hand shooting out to the cold wall beside you to steady yourself. The sheer authority in his tone wasn’t just heard—it was felt, reverberating through your body, making your heart stutter and your skin break out in goosebumps.
For a moment, you stood frozen, your wide eyes staring blankly ahead as the weight of his words settled over you. But then something stirred deep within you.
Your wolf.
You hadn't felt her in days.
It was a faint ripple at first, a flicker of energy in the pit of your stomach. But it grew quickly, spreading like a wildfire through your veins. She was there—fully present in a way she hadn’t been in years. You could feel her strength, her defiance, her barely restrained anger.
Why was she angry?
It took you a moment to realize that you were feeling Jungkook’s emotions. It was the first time you had ever experienced them. His feelings were so intense that it was becoming hard to breathe. It felt as if a fire was burning in the centre of your chest.
Your lips parted in a shaky exhale, and your fingers gripped the wall as you tried to steady your racing heart. The connection was overwhelming, a storm of emotions flooding your senses: pride, fury, longing—all of it tangled together.
Oh! Moon goddess, it was overwhelming
Your head turned slightly, your gaze narrowing on the closed door as Elizabeth’s voice was abruptly silenced. The tension in the air was suffocating, thick enough to choke on, and yet... you couldn’t move.
You didn’t know what you were waiting for. Maybe for Elizabeth to storm out, her face twisted with fury. Maybe for Jungkook to step into the hallway, his presence as commanding as his voice.
Or maybe, you were waiting for yourself—to decide whether you would stay or walk away, pretending none of this had ever happened.
"Move, Bee."
The whisper of your wolf echoed faintly in your mind, a nudge that left no room for argument. Before you could even process her words, your legs carried you away from the shadows where you stood rooted. Your feet moved on instinct, silent against the cold marble floor as you melted into the darkness of the hallway, just out of sight.
The door to Jungkook’s bedroom creaked open, and Elizabeth stepped out.
You stilled, your breath catching in your throat as your gaze locked on her. She looked… dreadful. Her hair was slightly disheveled, her cheeks flushed, and her lips pressed into a thin, angry line. But it was her eyes that unsettled you most—they were wide, almost frantic, as if she’d seen something that had shaken her to her very core.
What is wrong?
Your fingers twitched at your sides, itching to reach out and grab her, demand answers to the storm of questions swirling in your mind. But before you could act, she stormed off, her hurried footsteps fading into the distance.
The silence that followed was deafening, and your chest ached with your unanswered questions.
You kept walking and without realizing it, you were outside. The icy wind bit at your skin, and your bare feet pressed into the damp grass of the royal garden. The once soothing serenity of the night now felt oppressive.
The soft rustle of leaves and the distant hoot of the night animals did little to calm the unease gnawing at you. The cold that had earlier been invigorating now seemed to seep into your very bones, chilling you from the inside out.
Your steps faltered, and you wrapped your arms around yourself, your fingers digging into the fabric of your sleeves as your mind raced.
What were they talking about?
Your thoughts spiralled, wild and rigid. The memory of Jungkook’s loud voice echoed in your head, and Elizabeth’s pale, distraught face lingered in your mind.
What was she doing in his room in the middle of the night?
"Bee, you’re thinking way too much," your wolf interjected with a bored sigh.
You couldn’t help the dry chuckle that escaped your lips, your breath fogging in the crisp night air.
'Thinking too much? That’s rich coming from you,' you muttered under your breath, the tension in your shoulders easing ever so slightly.
Your wolf hummed in response, unbothered, as if this entire situation didn’t concern her in the slightest. She had made her grand reappearance only to take over your body, push you into the cold night, and now, she was defending him.
"Of course, you’d side with him," you said, shaking your head with a humourless smile. You paced aimlessly through the garden, your fingers brushing against the brittle leaves of the hedges as you walked.
"I’m not defending anyone, Bee. I only said you’re thinking too much," your wolf’s voice came again, calm and infuriatingly smug.
You huffed, dragging your hands through your hair in exasperation as you continued pacing. The cool breeze tugged at the strands, but it didn’t calm you—it only added to the storm brewing in your chest.
"You’ve said enough," you muttered aloud, a bitter chuckle slipping past your lips as you shook your head.
"Aww, Bee trying to be sassy? That’s new… and dumb," she quipped, her tone laced with amusement.
You froze mid-step, your jaw tightening as irritation rippled through you. Balling your fists, you let out a slow, shaky breath, your eyes narrowing at the empty garden ahead of you as if you could glare at her.
"I’m curious," you snapped, your voice low and laced with frustration.
"And jealous," she added with a shrug you could practically feel, the smugness in her tone igniting the fire in your chest.
You clenched your teeth, your fingers twitching at your sides as you turned on your heel and paced again. Was she always this difficult? you wondered, your steps now faster, heavier, as if walking harder would somehow silence her.
"You’re being impossible," you muttered, your voice clipped.
"Well… I’m trying," she retorted, her smirk audible in your mind.
You let out a low growl, a sound of pure frustration as you stopped in your tracks and threw your hands in the air. The cold bit at your skin, and the grass beneath your feet squished as you shifted your weight, trying to ground yourself.
"Why do you always do this?" you hissed through gritted teeth, pacing again, your movements acute and agitated.
Your wolf merely hummed, her silence somehow louder than her teasing had been. It was like she was sitting back, watching the chaos unfold, amused by your every reaction.
You pressed your palm to your forehead, your other hand on your hip, and let out a shaky breath. The night around you was still, the garden eerily quiet except for the rustle of leaves and your own unsteady breaths.
"Aren’t you curi—" you started, your voice harsh, ready to lash out at your wolf and her endless sass.
But the words died on your tongue when a hand landed on your shoulder, firm yet not harsh. The touch yanked you out of your spiralling thoughts, and for a moment, the world tilted. Your breath hitched, eyes flickering from their glowing yellow back to their usual shade as a startled scream tore from your lips.
Instinct kicked in as you twisted away, prying the hand off your shoulder with shaky fingers. Your movements were frantic, unsteady. In your rush to create distance, your foot slipped on the damp grass.
You stumbled backward, arms flailing uselessly to regain your balance, but gravity wasn’t forgiving tonight.
"No, no, no—!" The words barely left your lips before you felt it: an arm curling around your waist, warm and secure, trying to steady you. For a fleeting moment, you thought you’d be pulled back, saved from the inevitable fall.
But fate had other plans.
You went down, and so did he.
The icy water swallowed you both, shocking the air from your lungs as you hit its surface. The cold stabbed at your skin like a thousand tiny needles, and a gasp escaped you, only for the water to rush in through your mouth and nose.
Panic surged as your chest tightened, the burning need for air overwhelming your senses. Your limbs flailed in the dark water, your vision a blur of silvery moonlight and shifting shadows.
Just when the pressure in your lungs became unbearable, the same hand that had startled you moments ago was back, gripping your arm with unwavering strength. With a single pull, you were yanked upward, as if you weighed nothing.
You broke through the surface with a desperate gasp, coughing and sputtering as cold air filled your lungs. Your vision cleared just enough to make out the figure before you, drenched and dripping, his chest rising and falling as he caught his own breath.
You blinked rapidly, your body shivering violently from the cold. Water dripped down your face, tangling in your lashes and blurring your view, but you could still make out his piercing gaze locked onto yours.
"Stand still, Luna. It's not that deep," Kenji's voice broke through the haze in your mind, soft and distant. His words, though meant to calm you, barely registered in your brain. They felt like whispers, faint and without meaning, as your world rolled in the aftermath of the cold water.
You didn’t have the energy to respond. Everything felt numb, too much to process. You barely felt his hands as they gripped your body, pulling you out of the water, his strong arms steadying you. The cold air hit your skin like a slap, making your body tremble, but you didn’t care. Your clothes clung to your body, heavy and soaked, as if they were another layer of ice.
"Are you okay?" His voice, low and smooth, carried a tinge of concern, but you couldn’t answer him. You were too focused on your own ragged breathing, each gasp severe and painful as you tried to fill your lungs with air.
You nodded, still struggling to steady yourself, your knees weak beneath you. Kenji’s hands loosened their grip but remained close, as if afraid you might collapse. His eyes—green, intense, filled with raw worry—never left your face.
Your gaze flickered to him, taking in his drenched appearance. His black shirt clung to his frame, outlining the taut muscles of his chest and abdomen. Eight abs? You thought dazedly, momentarily distracted by the sharp, perfect definition of his body. His arms, thick with muscle, rippled as he shifted, veins prominent under his skin. His coat was missing, leaving only the damp shirt, trouser and boots that squeaked with every movement as water pooled around his feet.
For a moment, the world felt quieter, but the thudding of your pulse in your ears reminded you of the mess still swirling in your mind. Kenji’s eyes never left you, scanning you for any signs of distress, his worry plain in the furrow of his brows.
You opened your mouth, wanting to speak, but a cough seized you, harsh and sudden, the water still making its presence known in your lungs. You doubled over, a sharp spasm running through your chest as your throat burned.
Cough, cough.
You wheezed, the water still clogging your chest. Kenji’s hand was warm on your back, patting gently as you tried to catch your breath. His touch was surprisingly comforting, but it couldn’t shake the rush of anger and embarrassment bubbling up inside you. When your breathing finally steadied, he brushed your wet hair behind your ear.
"I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d be this frightened," he murmured, his voice soft and apologetic, eyes scanning you with an unreadable expression.
"Really," You snapped, unable to hold back your frustration any longer, huffing sharply and turning your gaze away from him. "Of course, I’ll be frightened. You came out of nowhere!" You couldn’t help it. The adrenaline still buzzed under your skin, your heart racing in a way you didn’t understand. Your eyes darted around, desperately looking for something to focus on, when you caught sight of the lake.
"There’s a lake here. A lake." The words came out in disbelief as you took a step back, your mouth falling open as you stared at the calm water behind you. You couldn’t believe it. It was like you had stepped into another world, even though you were still in the Lycan palace.
Kenji was still beside you, and his puzzled gaze flickered between you and the lake. "Why do you seem so angry at the fact?" His voice was light, but there was confusion in his eyes.
"Because. I. Fell." The words came out sharp, punctuated with an exaggerated roll of your eyes. You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, shivering from the cold water clinging to your clothes, which now felt like a second skin, heavy and soaked.
Kenji raised an eyebrow, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. "Valid," he said, almost too calmly, his eyes still filled with curiosity.
"Duh!" You huffed again, your arms tightening across your chest in annoyance. The cold bite of the air wasn’t helping, and the peaceful lake, which had once seemed serene, now only added to your growing frustration. Everything felt off now—strange and disorienting. You were unable to contemplate why were you feeling cold, you were a werewolf.
The anger, now mixed with frustration, flared up again. "Who has a lake behind their palace garden?" You shook your head, still in disbelief.
Kenji’s voice was full of pride as he spoke, "We do." The way he said it made you want to smack him, but you held yourself back, the urge bubbling up in your chest. It would be unladylike, un-queenly. No, you couldn’t afford to lose control like that. You sucked in a breath, steadying yourself. Elegance, composure—those were the things you had to focus on.
You forced a smile, one that felt far too wide, far too tight. "Kenji." Your voice was soft, almost sweet, and the smile that accompanied it was dripping with artificial sweetness. His eyes snapped to yours, widening for a moment, and you saw the exact second his face twisted into something almost grotesque.
"That’s so fake!" he blurted, his voice betraying the shock in his tone.
A gasp slipped past your lips, surprise flashing across your face before it quickly melted into something else. His eyes shot wide with horror, his skin paling as he stepped back slightly, as if you had just slapped him. "Oh! Moon goddess, forgive me, Luna. I—I…" His words faltered, stuttering, as if he could barely comprehend the mistake he had just made.
You blinked, confused. His reaction felt over the top, but there was a genuine fear in his eyes now, one that caught you off guard. You weren’t strong enough to fight him off, and you weren’t a queen yet—not in his eyes, not in anyone's eyes. The only one who might consider you his queen was Jungkook, and he barely acknowledged you as his mate.
You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, the cold air biting at your skin as you stared at Kenji, ignoring the tension that still hung between you. You couldn’t care less about his reaction to your earlier words, focusing instead on the question hanging in the air.
“What are you doing here at this time?” you asked, your tone sharper than you intended. His eyes flickered with surprise, his mouth opening, but then nothing. He pointed a finger toward you, lips moving, but no sound came out. It was almost comical, watching him struggle to form words.
“What?” you snapped, growing impatient.
He blinked, his brows furrowing, trying to process your response before mumbling, “You mean, pardon?”
“No, I mean what. Now start talking, will you?” you demanded, your patience wearing thin.
He blinked at you, bewildered. “That was my question.”
“I mean once again. What?” You were so done with his indecision, the confusion clear on your face.
“That was my question.”
A frustrated sigh slipped past your lips, your eyes narrowing as you crossed your arms tighter. “I heard it before. Explain.”
Kenji’s eyes hardened slightly, frustration creeping into his expression, but he didn’t back down. “What are you doing here?” he repeated, his voice finally steady, but it only made you more annoyed.
“Walking?” you replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You tilted your head, locking eyes with him. Your voice was dismissive, but the corners of your lips lifted in something close to a smirk.
“At this time?"
"When I walk, I don’t care about time. Walking is good.” You shrugged nonchalantly, your gaze challenging him to argue. His expression faltered for a moment, his mouth falling open as he stared at you, as if you’d grown two heads. You didn’t care.
“What? I can walk. It keeps you fit,” you added, eyes narrowing into a defiant glare, daring him to question you further.
Kenji stood tall, as he spoke, his gaze intense as if daring you to question him further. “We are. No. You are a werewolf. We have high metabolism. We stay fit anyway without walking,” he countered, his voice carrying a hint of amusement as he crossed his arms over his chest.
You arched an eyebrow, not even bothered by his words. “And?” you shot back, your voice laced with indifference. You still didn’t have a reason for being here, but you weren’t about to back down.
He sighed, clearly growing tired. “What are you doing here?” you asked again, as if it was the most obvious question in the world.
His gaze flicked to you, and before you could even bink, the words reached your ear. “Patrolling.” He said it with such ease, as if it were a routine task. His shoulders shifted, a casual shrug, as he waited for you to process. His eyes never left yours, a slight raise of his brow as if daring you to argue.
“Why?” you asked, your confusion evident. You could already feel the answer forming in his mind, but you were far too frustrated to wait for it. “I mean, why you?” you continued, gesturing at his strong frame. “You’re a warrior. A strong one. You have different duties. The guards who patrol are different.”
Kenji’s lips curled into a grin, and he stepped forward, looking down at you with pride. “First of all, I’m not a strong warrior. I’m the strongest.” His chest puffed out even more, his chin tilting upwards as if the very idea of being anything less than the best was an insult. The smirk on his face deepened as he caught your eye. “And don’t you know we were attacked yesterday? One of our warriors almost died?”
His words hit you like a slap. You blinked in disbelief, the words barely registering in your mind. “What?” The harshness in your voice made Kenji wince, his hand instinctively going to his ear as if to shield it from the sound. He stepped back, his face contorting in discomfort, eyes wide with surprise.
“You don’t know? Nobody told you?” His voice was quieter now, almost uncertain, and you shook your head in response. His brow furrowed, confusion turning to something else—something closer to curiosity. “Why?” he asked, a tinge of disbelief still hanging in his voice.
“I was ordered by Jungkook to stay away from pack business and so was told others not to tell me anything,” you explained, the words coming out flat, detached. You didn’t expect his reaction—his face drained of colour, and he looked like he had seen a ghost. His throat bobbed, and a heavy gulp escaped him, loud and clear. There was panic in his eyes now.
“Kenji?” You walked closer, your gaze softening as his body trembled slightly. You put your arm on his shoulder, trying to offer some form of comfort.
But what you didn’t expect was the shift in his posture, the way his shoulders hunched as if the weight of something far heavier rested on them.
“Are you crying?” you asked in disbelief, your voice almost a whisper.
“I don’t want to die.” He whispered, his voice small and muted. The words hung in the air, heavy and confusing.
“I still want to find my mate and impregnate her.” His confession was quiet, the last part barely audible.
You stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say.
Okay, now I’m just here nervously waiting for your thoughts! Please go easy on me, I promise I’m trying my best! 😬
#parkitrighthere#bts ffs#bts ff#ashes of promises#bts fanfic#anon ask#bts smut#jeon jungkook#thankyou so much for sending me this ask anon#jungkook scenarios#jungkook bangtan#jimin and jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook fanfic#jungkook bts#jungkook fluff
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Fics Still Missing part 6
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These fics are still missing suggestions!
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1. 1st is a Golden core reveal fic which also included Wangji telling Wuxian about the marriage ribbon and the two of them serving tea to Jiang Cheng and Yanli after it. #9 of post
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2. Hi I’m looking for a fic where Wei ying is obessed with marrying a rich man, so he goes to parties with meng Yao looking for one..Meanwhile Lan Zhan his room mate is rich and hiding it. He detests those who seek money. They have chemistry. But Wei ying never wants to risk being back in poverty. And Lan Zhan he into him a lot but he doesn’t want Wei ying to be with him for Money.Wen ning is also a roommate. @/imgonnablogtheworldtodeath #12 of post
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3. hellooooo I’ve been looking for this fic but I can’t find it all I remember is Thant lwj goes back in the past after wwx’s death (during the cloud recess study arc) and it ends withe a threesome with him wwx and younger lz. also at the end he goes back to the futur to wait for 'his’ wwx can you help ????? thanks for all that you do !!!!!✨✨✨✨✨✨#16 of post
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4. Hello, this is an FicFinder request.
I don’t remember much, but it was a rare-pairing of WRH and WWX. I’m not sure if it was a time travel fic. When bunny was 14 or something, a water deity came from the waters of Yunmeng and told him of his powers/potentials. Bunny then was take. To kunlun mountain or smth like that and found out that he controlled the void, darkness, some elements as well. He meditated and became immortal and had lived for more than 200 years in another realm. In Yunmeng, he was still a kid and went to seclusion to complete his meditation or something. He also had a wife/lover in underworld and it was a mix of Greek mythology and others as well. @/tinyfoxpeach #19 of post
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5. Hey, I have been looking for this fic for a very very loooong time, and still unable to find it. I hope you can find it for me
Here is all the things that I remember of that fic:
- modern setting
-lwj is an actor or singer (not sure which one 🤔)
- established wwx/lwj-i think wwx is a reporter/paparazzi
-there is a part where other reports think that lwj is dating mianmian
That’s all I can remember so far. Hope you can find it 🤞@/mayavsworld #6 of post
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6. Hi! Please help me find this fic. It was post canon. LJY night hunting with LSZ, but only LJY come back to Gusu with LSZ’s head ribbon. WWX took the news hard that i think its mentioned that he fall sick after that. I think LWJ went to where the night hunt happened and kill the snake yao to at least find LSZ body to have a burial but come out empty. I think it was chaptered fic but im not sure. At near the end of the story, in LP, LSZ turn up and make JWY shocked. He than tells JWY that the snake yao didnt killed him and he get lost when he is trying to go home. Thats all i remember. Thank you! @/idontknowwhattowriteforusername #7 of post
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7. There’s a fic I can’t track down. It was a bottom Lan Wangji one. I think wwx had been fantasizing about oral sex for a while and I have a rather distinct memory of Lan Wangji sitting down next to him at his desk and sucking on his fingers. The situation may or may not have had something to do with some p0rn Huaisang sent them, my memory is very hazy :’D #10 of post
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8. Hello! Jealous lwj au. Wen ning and wwx are friends. wwx loves making lwj jealous because he gets railed so hard when lwj is jealous and angy. then one time it got too much, wwx suggested hugging or doing something sketchy with wen ning during a party. wwx promised wn that it’ll be the last time. then lwj saw it, but sadness was seen in his face not the usual anger that wwx wants from lwj. lwj runs away from the party and lwj throws their ring. then wwx ran after him crying begging. THANK YOU! @/jamebyeol-blog #11 of post
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9. Hi, sorry to bother, I have two requests for finding a fic. I wanted to know if anyone remembers A) a fic where A Yuan goes with Wei Wuxian to Jin Ling’s A one month celebration. This someone changes the way things go. B) Also another one where A Yuan shows up with Wei Wuxian when he’s discussing the Wens being prisoners so people see that there are children in the prisoners camps!! Any story where A Yuan changes things for the better before Wei Wuxian’s death. Thank you, be well @/monicaop21 #13 of post
Hi, thanks for your help but is not the fic I’m looking for, I think it was complete and I do remember A-Yuan is in Koi Tower, he arrives with Wei Wuxian there. Be well!!
A)
Not FOUND I whatever you, I will stand by your side by Lizziewriter07
Not FOUND! The Core Issue by Hauntcats
FOUND? Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, WangXian, canon divergence, yiling wei sect au, demonic cultivation, farming, found family, pre-slash, politics, fix-it of sorts) (works for both a and b iirc)
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10. Looking for a fic that was on ao3. I remember there was two versions, one where WWX was a man and another where he was a woman and he decided to fake his death I think? And leave the cultivation world behind. He/she had twin sons that were A-Yuan and Jingyi I believe and then in the end LWJ who is the father of the twins but he doesn’t know it, fakes his death and finds them by an anonymous tip *cough cough* NHS who had tried to get WWX to rejoin the cultivation world earlier when NMJ died. @/bigmeatycl0ws #14 of post
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11. Hello, thank you guys for all of your hard work! Don’t remember if this was book or cql canon but im looking for a fic where post WWX death lwj travels to another world where wwx is still alive during the cr lectures and older lwj, young WWX and young lwj end up sleeping together and then nhs comes and brings lwj back to their og world fulfill his grand plan #17 of post
FOUND? Twitter fic by sweetlolixo
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12. Hi! Can you help me look for this fic (cause its been months since the last time I read it) wherein WWX is LWJ’s husband and he is teaching in gusu wearing gusulan robes? I remember students likes wwx that one sect leader went to Cloud Recesses to insult wwx for seducing his son.
Btw, the fic includes photos of WWX wearing gusulan (white robes) (I think they got the image where Xiao Zhan was Shi Ying) #1 of post
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13. Twitter thread fic wherein nyancheng went to book signing of his fav author zewujun. I remember after the book signing, lxc reach out his hand for handshake and when they shakehands, bolts were felt and they went into heat/rut. Apparently they are soulmates. Nyancheng was embarrassed because his ears and tails pop out due to heat. (I actually forgot lxc animal trait) #2A of post
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14. The second one is really vague and I’m sorry for that but I remember a WangXian fic where Wei Wuxian is part Veela and maybe he’s a Slytherin or Hufflepuff? I can’t seem to remember anything else besides there being a focus on Wei Wuxian’s volatile nature and battle prowess due to his Veela blood. He may have also killed a guy, or at least severely harmed some guy in self defense. I loved their world building and I’m so upset that I’ve lost both of them. Thank you for the help in advance. #7 of post
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15. Looking for a fic, please help! the wens had won the war years ago. I only remember a scene where lan wangji and the juniors were in a shop or restaurant of some sort and wen xu comes in and intimidates lan wangji to where the juniors defend him. He thanks them later saying it’s hard for him to deal with wen xu. (he had lan wangji in captivity during the war, lan wangji still has Nightmares about it). I don’t remember where wei ying is or if he “died”. Thanks!!!! #10 of post
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16. Hi
Firstly, I want to say thank you, this blog is awesome, and I have found so many good Fics to read as well as find ones that I have lost or forgot to bookmark.
Secondly, I would like help to find a fic, from what I remember Wei Ying was drunk on the rooftop when someone approached. In his drunken state, he thinks it was Lan Wangji that showed up so he goes on saying things like are you here to punish me again. He also asks why Lan Wangji hates him so much, but the whole entire time it was actually Lan Xichen he was talking to. I think it takes place after he got punished for drinking in Cloud Recess, and then something happens and he almost falls off the roof but Lan Xichen catches him. Lan Wangji had apparently witnessed the whole thing and tried to apologize but Lan Xichen coldly tells him the apology should be given to Wei Ying instead when he wakes up.
Again, thank you so much in advance. #13 of post
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17. Hi! I’m looking for a fic which was about LWJ and his feelings about relation WWX&LSZ. It was post-canon fic. LWJ felt hurt because Sizhui was formal while speaking to him meanwhile he treated WWX like parent, calling him Baba (or other word but with the same meaning)or joking with him etc. LWJ haven’t told anyone. I remember that they were going to nighthunt but LWJ fainted and that’s how WWX noticed that sth is wrong. WWX told Sizhui sth like “your father miss you” #1 of post
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18. Hi, I’m trying to find a fic where its female wei ying who becomes pregnant with twins and is perilously I’ll so lan zhan volunteers to marry her but something about a caravan attacked by jin and her becoming so I’ll happens.. any idea #14A of post
FOUND? Could 18 be Pancho's hidden fic 'A Home, Not a Prison?'
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19. Hi could you help me find this fic, I think it’s been deleted
I know the summary went like this
Wei Wuxian begins weakly, but Lan-laoshi, cruel as he is, continues speaking.“Well? I have provided you with three choices. You move, you act, or you let Wangji tutor you after school.” Lan-laoshi raises an eyebrow. “I, of course, recommend option two, as it would solve everyone’s problems, but alas. Teenagers.”He should choose to move classes. Lan-laoshi is right – it would help him focus, and it would help his grades, and Madam Yu would be less disappointed in him than she usually is. And Lan Wangji would be rid of him, which would undoubtedly make him more comfortable in his own damn class.But Wei Wuxian is weak. And horrible, and selfish, and so he chooses the third option. “Lan Wangji,” he says, turning to him with pleading eyes, “Lan-er-gege, light of my life – would you terribly mind tutoring me after school?”
Any help would be appreciated @/imgonnablogtheworldtodeath #15 of post
FOUND? Helping Hand by Watermelonsmellinfellon (T, 3k, WangXian, justice for the wen remnants, Canon Divergence, Drama, Future WangXian, A-Yuan gets 2 dads even if he calls one of them Mom, LWJ sees a shot and goes for it, JC has a heart, JGY might be going down but he's taking everyone with him!, Yunmeng Bros, Fix-It)
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20. Hi so i read this fic but i cant remember its name.this is a fic in which wangxian adopt a abused ayuan .he was abused by xue yang i think.and they adopt him and ayuan still has that trauma but slwlu overcomes it @/rosy1324 #16 of post
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21. Hello! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3 where WWX and LWJ were both wolf shifters. I think there was a mating run in the beginning and LWJ ended up rejecting WWX and he fell very ill as a result. They eventually moved past it but they didn’t get together until one day JGS I think it was drugged WWX and he was sent into heat. LWJ ended up protecting him and guarding his door throughout his heat. They did end up together in the end. @/bigmeatycl0ws #2 of post
FOUND? Mine by orphan_account (E, 12k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Wolves, A/B/O, Scenting, First Time, Forced Heat, mention of non/con, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Fluffy I swear, LWJ is hella strong in this, Mutual Pining, WWX is thick as a wall and we love him for that, Canon-typical Sex, Not much of a plot, Begging)
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22. I’m looking for a fic, modern AU, where WWX is a Hannah Montana style idol. Only he was at the audition because JYL was supposed to be there but she got sick so he panicked and took her place. So he’s a female idol, & LWJ is starting to feel like WWX has gotten bored of him at school &lowkey panicking. HeTakesSolaceInHisNewFavorite idol (WWX)&dreamsOfGiving‘her’FootRubs He gets to meet ‘her’ only while he does WWX’s skirt gets flipped. WWX uses his real voice to whisper Lan Zhan in his ear. @/any-mouse #19 of post
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23. can you help me find that fic where lwj thinks that wwx’s prank with the porn book is specifically making fun of him for being a cutsleeve? (wwx of course didn’t know) looking for cr+homophobia didn’t turn up any results sadly. thank you!!
hi, im 11 on the FF. the recced story is very close to what im looking for and its very good thank you! i think it may not be the exact fic tho.
trying to remember details- i think lwj does kick wwx out from the library first and then he’s alone, dealing with his hurt about being subject to homophobia? then the hurt carries for a while and during his confronting wwx about it… #11 of post
NOT FOUND! don’t close your eyes by howodd5ever
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24. Help please? I think it was on tumblr here. Modern day fic where Madam Lan is alive and LZ and WY get together as teens but the Jiang’s kick WY out and he comes to live with the Lans who all love and adore him. Later on LX brings Meng Yao, who he is dating, to met the family. Meng Yao doesn’t get a warm reception and gets jealous of how the Lans treat WY. LX then explains WY history with the Lan family which Meng Yao tries to use against WY. The family then gets mad at LX for telling. Thanks! @/isis-moon #6 of post
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25. Hi! Please help me find a series -- This one is more mature because it’s of wangxian teaching xicheng how to spice up their sex life by teaching them foreplay and so on @/thatperson0-0 #12B of post
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26. Hello, me again! 😆 I’m looking for another wangxian fic that I would like to re-read. What I remember is: Jiang Cheng kills Lan Zhan in some sort of time travel ritual (?). Jiang Cheng then goes back to the past, but the ritual has erased Lan Wangji from existence. Even so, in this new timeline both Lan Xichen & Wei Ying feel that something/someone is missing. JC eventually reverses the ritual, LZ comes back, and LX & WY are NOT happy with the revelations. Please help me find it! 😢 @/dreammaiden21 #14 of post
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27. Hi! A friend recommended me a fic and neither of us can find it anywhere. I really want to read it and am hoping you or your followers can help.
it’s jiang cheng-centric, set largely at lotus pier, he does embroidery (and it *is* complete, so it’s not The Fic You Can Find By Searching For Embroidery), definitely post-sunshot and i think probably post-canon, and he *might* have been like cursed or something
Thank you for all the work you do! @/cadencekismet #18 of post
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28. fic where wwx had an accident that is severe and LWJ said something about learning to love wwx and he doesn’t want to unlearn and jyl is dead here because she saved wwx from an armed robbery #2A of post
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29. Hi! Love your work! I was wondering if you knew of a fic where Sizhui suddenly remembers more of wwx and what he was like in the burial mounds, and becomes a bit scared of him, because he remebered how angry and terrifying and frankly, very unstable wwx was during that time? iirc it featured a scene where wwx apologized #7 of post
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30. Hi! I remember reading a fic where as far as I remember lwj either died or married someone else, and wwx had hallucinations and was a single parent to SiZhui? And he kept saying lwj was busy working and that’s why they can’t see him, but as he grew older sizhui realised lwj is not there at all. And there was a friends meeting where jingyi pointed out wwx was talking to thin air , but SiZhui told him wwx is hallucinating that lwj is still there, and to not burst his bubble.
I really really cannot remember the name of the fic, and I hadn’t completed reading it, so no bookmark or kudos either 😞 @/maskdmafia #11 of post
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31. Hi, I was reading a series about Lan Zhan being chronically ill with explosive vomiting and diarrhea. Wei Ying is taking care of him. Unfortunately I lost it.
Thanks @/deb709 #14 of post
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32. hi! for fic finder, i remember one detail about a story i read a long time ago i think. there are a lot of good flavors of yzy’s awful parenting, but in this story i think the common people (or someone else?) were side eyeing yu ziyuan for picking a 9 year old as her mortal enemy. can’t remember if the distaste made her acquire some shame or not… thank you! #19 of post
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33. Hi! So this one is a mix of itmf and ficfinder request, but I remember reading a fic where WWX got pregnant via talisman. Do you know a fic like this? Because I can‘t find it for the love of god, but I want that plot and more of it. Thank you so much! @/desperation-is-my-middle-name #20 of post
FOUND? sweet lotus petals, unfolding in the sun by stiltonbasket (G, 33k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, JC & WWX, Unplanned Pregnancy, Married WangXian, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Curtain Fic, wangxian are dads and it hurts so good, Medical Inaccuracies, heaps of them, do NOT ask how this works because wwx does not know, Mpreg, LXC is best bro, someone save JC, wangxian dual cultivation baby, except not how you think, the radish method gets an upgrade, Reincarnation) these don't fit exactly but Wei Ying gets pregnant in sweet lotus petals, unfolding in the sun by drinking water from the cold pond cave while dipping talismans in the water there.
FOUND? In Jiang Xiaolian’s Guide to Motherhood and Gardening by bumbledees (T, 14k, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, Crack Taken Mostly Seriously, like many of WWX’s best ideas it starts as a joke!, and then i write it, canon is sad bitch let’s get you some fun, purposeful baby aquisition, john mulaney voice: you know those days when you’re like ‘this might as well happen’, that’s this fic, WWX when will you learn that there are consequences to your actions, have a melon baby), Wei Ying uses talismans & an array (if I'm remembering correctly) to incubate a baby in a winter melon.
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34. tw//nsfw it was a twt soc med au, wy was a singer/idol, got laid in a party(bday mayb), finds lan zhan later, lan zhan is the man. towards the end, he releases a whole song/album regarding his story, from getting laid to falling in love with lan zhan. in the mean time when he was preparing it as a bday gift, he gave less time to lz and he thought he was ignoring him. that’s all i remember sorry, its stuck so bad, i cant forget it. there was a cover for the single/album too i dont remember @/dee-s085 #6B of post
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35. Twitter Wangxian socmed au, they r teleported to modern world, wei ying finds lz through a guqin post on insta with bunny dp. They meett….. xue yang is the villain who harms xiao xichen using suibian so the blame is diverted to wy but lz trusts him and song lan is angry from wy sonwy goes undercover. Lz tried to find him, helps him get the truth to song lan. xue yang acts like a good friend towards song lan but at the end, truth is revealed, xue yang is the villain, jin guangyao too is oresent, the mastermind behind xue yang. Its happy ending. @/dee-s085 #14 of post
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36. hi! do you guys know the fic where cultivators can exchange hearts? iirc lwj had taken out his heart after the events at nightless city and switched it with wwx’s without wwx’s knowledge @/betafibiiiiiivviiixiiixxixxxiv #4 of post
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37. hello thank all the mods you for your hard work, you’re all amazing and i am so so grateful this blog exists!!
i’m looking for a fic where married wangxian somehow time travel and meet their past selves, who are both shocked that they end up getting married. i remember older wwx being annoyed at his younger self because he can see how he’s hurting younger lwj and older lwj mostly sitting in companionable silence with his younger self, because they mutually understand their love for wwx.
much appreciated 🫶 #19 of post
NOT FOUND! The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda
FOUND? River Stones by littlesystems (M, 18k, WangXian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Junior Quartet, Oblivious WWX, Suffering LWJ, LJY having the time of his life, Voyeurism)
FOUND? 花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It's about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you' scene, This fic is: for you)
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38. Hello mods! Thank you so much for all of your hard work. I’m looking for a wangxian fic that is set in the modern Omegaverse where WY is an omega and LZ is an alpha, and they’re already an established couple at the beginning of the fic. The fic starts when both of them wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of chaos, as an omega uprising against the alphas has started, and their is a coup going on against the government and they’re assasinating alphas. Then Wangxian meet up with Sangcheng and XuanLi to a safe house where they plan to move to another country for safety. I remember a WY thinking or saying something along the lines of, “It’s my turn to protect you” to LZ. #4 of post
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39. Xicheng where Lxc and jwy are lovers but they got into fight to the point jwy thought it was better he was gone. Then, i remember jwy doing sacrifice soul summoning (like how MXY summons Wwx) to summon MY/JGY. It was successful. #10B of post
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40. looking for a fic where lwj gets tortured, and is rescued. one thing I remember is that it was second person pov, and it was relatively short. also, lwj kinda had amnesia- as in the torture made him forget or something. thanks! #12 of post
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41. And also a fic where ylz ends up as a Jin and he’s usually in a garden surrounded by guards
Jiang Yanli is still alive and I think Jin zixuan too, but when wwx talks to JY he’s always formal and she can tell something is going on, there’s also wangxian and I think JGY is the one behind everything under his father’s commands #15B of post
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42. hi so I am looking for this one fic and all I remember is that some of the wen remnants were bloodline jiangs
Thank you @/princess-nettle #18 of post
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43. hi, I want to search the fanfic about the junior and maybe wwx and lwj travel back to qionqi path and stop by at banquet at jinlintai right after past wwx ask jin zixun about wen remnant. Also if I not mistaken, lwj cut tie with lqr. I read this at wattpad and not sure if the writer post this stories at other platform. #4 of post
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44. Hello! I’m trying to find a fic, likely on ao3, where JYL was a reincarnation from Dongying/Japan, like a crossover between a period drama anime? I think she was still Yanli, but her previous spirit wanted so badly to have a family that the desire followed her to her next life, so she had paper white skin & maybe red eyes as a sign of haunting. I remember it was a well known anime but not one I knew, so I haven’t been able to find it. She might’ve unlocked memories & found her reincarnated hubby #6 of post
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45. Good day! Thank you all for your help/time/effort. Im here for fic finder. Im looking for the the fic where jgy had talisman that he sew to the other cultivators’ clothes/robes—lwj, lxc, jwy, etc. Like he gave it as a gift, if im not mistaken. That talisman made them hate wwx so they said some hurtful words towards him. In result to that, wwx left and traveled alone. Then, I cant remember if its nhs who figure it out, but someone knew about the talisman then after that, they changed their wardrobes and started to look for wwx. If i remember it correctly, I found that fic via angst tag but since there’s a lot of fic with that tag, I cant find it anymore. Thank you in advance! @/httpskaixx #8 of post
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46. Hello and thank you for all you do to this fandom, mods, you’re so great.
I’m looking for two Very Explicit fics that I read AN ETERNITY ago (I think it was 2020?) and I really hope they still exist. I’m very sorry but the horny demon in my brain has been LOUD about them. They’re both one shots.
canon setting, hard BDSM, lwj has wwx tied up (suspended?), wwx goes into subspace and lwj makes him cum from eating his ass which apparently is not something he can manage to do usually. #15B of post
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47. I’m looking for a story, I believe it was a multi-chapter, where WWX and LWJ keep trying to experiment with bondage, but it keeps going wrong. I know that the last time it went wrong, LWJ fell down a ravine and seriously injured his leg. It was also a modern AU, and they got married (or were in the process of getting married) at the end. Any help would be appreciated! Thank you! #16 of post
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49. LWJ timetravels and is preparing to support WWX’s resentful cultivation but because he changed things WWX never looses his core and don’t have to invent resentful cultivation. #17C of post
not FOUND💖 Resilience. by Vrishchika
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50. Good day! There’s this fic that I’ve read before and I forgot what tag/s I used to bookmark it. I only remember bits of details. So, the scene that I remember is during the sects were trapped in the burial mounds—that chapter when the juniors were kidnapped—yiling patriarch wwx was sleeping (or dead?) at the blood pool(?). Then the present wwx came to dead/yp!wwx to wake him up (something like that) so they can save the others from the puppets. It is before they go to Lotus Pier. I think there’s also a scene where they tried to save him (yp!wwx) that they cant leave him alone at the burial mounds or smth. Im sorry, that all I can recall but I really want to find it again. Thank you! #7 of post
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51. ficfinder request! modern college au where Wei ying is a student that arrived late to a class that lab qiren should be teaching but instead lan zhan is, and Wei ying is sassy/rude to Lan zhan. I think it’s rated E but I can’t remember anything else. TIA! @/the-marathon-continues-nip #9 of post
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52. Hello, I am looking for a fic that focused on lsz feeling worried that wwx will feel disappointed that he grew up lan. The fic references what he told lsz the first time lwg left the wen settlement. This fic has been stuck in my head but I can’t find it, I would rlly appreciate some help! 😭 @/fox1023 #10 of post
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53. Hello, this is the first time I do not know if this info will be enough. I read a modern au short fic before in which wwx have a terrible eye sight and memory. Every time he goes to Lan house he will go somewhere different from what he is looking for. Like he is supposed to go to a restroom but ended up in a kitchen. Lan Qiren then said to LWJ that his boyfriend might be a thief because he is always found somewhere he did not say he will go. Then when lqr visited lwj and wwx’s house, he found out that wwx got lost even to his own house. Like he cannot even find the mug and lwj has to say where it is. Lwj then said to lqr that it is because wwx got into an accident when he was a child, the same day he lost his parents. That is the reason for his terrible memory and eye sight. After that, lqr became soft to wwx. And every time Wangxian visited the Lan house. He will help wwx find what he is looking for.
Thank youuu @/yunshenlianhua #16 of post
FOUND? sounds like this threadfic by sam9163
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54. B) I don’t know where I read this fic …and don’t knew if fic like this exists where after Wuxian’s death he is in ghost city but in child form with having same mind as child he later get adopted by hualian they raise him once again he remember nothing till the day in his (new )16 year old body he sees the newly ascended God lwj
C) I don’t remember much but I guess it mpreg and has twin lsz n Jingyi but they have lwj because he is busy ? Or just not there with them..I am confused
Sry to ask this many at once but help me ..this half reads are living rent free in my mind @/selflovingmedj #17BC of post
54C)
FOUND? All The Years Lost by UseMyMuse (T, 26k, WangXian, Teen Pregnancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Single Parent AU, Forced misunderstandings, Forced miscommunication, Mpreg) It features Wei Ying having twins Yuan and Jingyi and Lan Zhan comes into their life later because Yu Ziyuan interfered with their relationship.
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#Wangxian Fic Rec#The Untamed#wangxian#MDZS#wangxianficfinder compilation post#long post#missing fics#mdzs#wangxian fic finder#wangxian fic search#the untamed#wangxianficfinder
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Merry Christmas y'all!! I hope you had a wonderful time with your loved ones ❤️
I didn't get to enjoy this holiday that much because of... women issues. iykyk But still, I got to finish this and play some games so it wasn't all that bad :)
There's another piece that I also intend to upload soon, probably tomorrow lol but the bottom line is we getting two Christmas specials :> which I hope you enjoy!!
warnings: none. fluff. you and naoya are married and naomi already exists, however, it's not entirely centric on them. Mai and Maki's mom is the protagonist here :')
Happy reading!
“If you go through with that change, you’ll be over the budget.”
Junko doesn’t know why she even bothers warning you so when it always ends up the same way: you go over your pre-approved spending limit, the elders question you about it, Naoya covers for it—or more like demands them to back off and pays for the difference.
In fact, he seemed to encourage it too, given how he never reproached you about it and even admired your ill choices—certainly unbefitting of your responsibilities as the future Lady of the House.
More so since there’s a new motivator behind your actions this time around.
“But it’s going to look so pretty, right?”
If she already thought the enthusiasm you had for your first Christmas at the Zen’in estate was too much, preparing everything for your daughter’s first celebration was beyond her expectations.
“It’s Naomi’s first Christmas, surely you must understand why I need to make this extra special for her.”
No. she doesn’t. She didn’t even do it for her own daughters, did you really expect her to suddenly grow empathetic to your cause?
The best thing you could do for everyone was stop, at least then she wouldn’t have to deal with complaints about the bad job she’s supposedly doing by guiding you through your new responsibilities.
But you’d become stubborn, just like your husband, marking this as the newest bane of her existence for all eternity to come.
“Hurry, Naoya! We’re just waiting for you! I already have everything set up so let’s go!” you urged whilst holding Naomi with one arm, pulling Naoya onto the main garden with the other—and he laughs alongside you while doing so, after days of endless teases, how could he not be thrilled by your surprise too?
“Careful, my love. I’m not confident our dumpling enjoys being jolted like that.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” You lament, immediately glancing down at your precious baby —just short of a year old— dressed up in a cozy polar bear fleece onesie that made her look even cuter. Alongside her big, round, golden eyes that told you there was nothing to worry about, for she was equally excited to see what you had in store for her. “My adorable princess, are you ready for your first Christmas?”
The baby gurgles, giving the two the most adorable sound capable of curing all ailments in the world, if possible.
“It’s our first Christmas as a family too.” Naoya notes, and your heart flutters at the thought.
“It is.” You respond, looking up to him with pure adoration—unconditional love. As well as partial disbelief, like you were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that one of your biggest dreams had come true.
A family.
Composed of a baby girl who couldn’t be any more perfect, a beautiful, sweet little thing that wholly compasses your love for Naoya.
And a husband, loyal, dedicated, protective—who wants nothing but your well-being, and of course, your love. Which he has more than enough to return.
You didn’t care for what Naoya had gotten you this year, not even dared to wonder, because the best gift you could’ve obtained was already in your arms.
“You’re making me cry, Naoya, that’s not fair!” You pout, he chuckles.
“Then don’t, just think about how happy Naomi is going to be when you reveal her surprise.”
Alongside the gathering crowd composed of Mai and Maki, whom you promptly invited the moment this idea crossed your mind, eagerly tugging at their mother’s sleeve as they wished to keep up with you.
“Come on, mom! We’re going to miss it!” Maki insisted. “I want to be there when it happens!”
“You two should be in bed by now!” Junko scolds, gently fighting back against their daughters, but ultimately failing against their unparalleled enthusiasm.
“We’ll go to bed as soon as we see it, we promise!” Mai quickly arranges. “Please, mom? I’ve never seen anything like this before!”
At her unwanted impotency, Junko naturally stretches to find a culprit behind their erratic behavior and make them responsible!
Or more like she wants to directly confront you for being their obvious prime instigator and demand you to stop filling their minds with senseless ideas, less you desired to suffer the consequences!
But of course, it all takes her back to the initial point. There is no use in her frustrations if by the end of the day she’ll just get the same result: you’ll promise to be more careful with your actions, ask the twins to be more obedient towards her… and let your enthusiasm get the best of you once more, completely disregarding the Zen’in’s inner workings.
So instead of wasting her time, she simply makes them promise to go to bed soon after you do whatever it is that you have planned and move on; arriving just a few seconds after you and taking their respective positions, the best seats as you’d put it.
And once ready yourself, you’d look over to your staff, signaling them to begin.
A wide smile on your face as the results of all your careful planning comes to life, bright colored lights decorating the garden, from the flowers to the trees, in all its festive glory—in such hypnotizing manner that those present could only gasp in awe at its beauty.
But if that wasn’t enough, you also made sure to pace everything correctly; a combination of dazzling entertainment that proved to be a complete success given the way your enthralled daughter bubbled whenever her favorite color appeared, or when encouraging her to do so.
“I think our little princess likes it.” Naoya declares, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close.
“I knew she would.” You murmur proudly while resting your head over his shoulder. “And you? Do you like it?”
“I love it, just like everything you do.”
Junko looks away the moment two lean in for a kiss, just in time to avoid any further embarrassments—as if she wasn’t struggling enough with her unruly daughters and your senseless spending.
But even amongst all these inner conflicts, a part of Junko cannot keep her away from looking at your work. The one she previously disregarded as unnecessary, but now, before it’s intricacy… she can’t help but feel calm. Nostalgic even, though this sentiment wasn’t uncommon during these festivities.
Yet, to her it was. Almost intriguing that someone like her, that has never taken interest in commemorating such things in the past, less so after getting married, could feel such a way.
Though one quick glance at her daughters, the beaming, wide-eyed children that were equally enthralled as Naomi in the face of your celebration, would provide the answer. Because just like your child, they too were essentially celebrating their first Christmas together. As a family.
After brief consideration, perhaps finding it unnecessary to cut short this harmless moment, Junko decides to let her guard down and enjoy the rest of the evening. Soon captivated by the following fireworks, courtesy of the nearby village, which she was never aware could be seen from there.
Not that it mattered to ponder about such a possibility now, not when she allowed her mind to diverge instead into a universe where enjoyable moments like these were an everyday norm—and not an example of defiance.
ugh I needed to give them the spotlight :') idk why it just came to me; but omg hahaha I'm sorry if y'all were expecting something a bit lighthearted but I promise the other oneshot I'm working on is 🙈 just needed to get this one out of my system.
Now, without anything else to add, I hope you have happy holidays!! Thank you so much for your support 🥺❤️ really, I could not be here without you guys.
Take care and hope to see you soon!!!
#naoya zenin#naoya zen'in#naoya x reader#naoya zenin x reader#naoya zenin x you#jjk naoya#naoya zen'in x reader#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you#prompt series: jujutsu kaisen
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No need to thank me, Berry—honestly, you should be thanking yourself! (Really, everyone should thank you for requesting more fics like this!) When I saw your post asking for more Fyodor winter fics, I just knew I had to do something about it. I couldn’t resist! :>
I’ll try not to ramble too much:
Honestly, I haven't seen many Fyodor x Reader stories set in cozy winter settings either, and I wanted to make sure this one felt original. ;-; I was a bit uncertain about the flour battle scene at first, because I know not everyone has read the manga, and they might find it a little out of character for Fyodor. But this is the same guy who threw eggs at a wall while in prison. If he can be a bit silly in those moments, why can’t he be that way here? (I can't even remember the chapter—it’s been so long)
And yes—yes, I am totally stealing that idea for next Christmas. I am already planning a mountain retreat, cozy vacation-type fic with Fyodor and the reader. You’ve made me so excited that I’m already impatient for next year! I’m like, “Wait, I have to wait 365 days for this?!” You need to stop giving me ideas. >:( (please don't stop giving me ideas)
But really, really, don't mind me while I sob over how sweet your message was. It honestly fills my heart to know that it made you feel so warm and happy. Because that's exactly what I wanted—to give you a bit of cozy, heartwarming joy. If a fluff fic doesn’t have you rolling around on your bed, screaming and crying happy tears, then I haven’t done my job properly. :> I’m so hopeful that our friendship will bloom into the next year. Here’s a huge, comforting virtual hug from me to you ^^ hug
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Gosh, what a deeply hurtful thing for them to say about you. I really hope they realize the impact of their words and properly apologize because that kind of comment isn’t something anyone should have to endure. I’ve been in a similar position before, where people that were close to me said things that just didn’t sit right, and it can really take a toll on your spirit.
I completely understand the fear of letting someone in, especially when you’ve never had experience with dating and love. It’s terrifying to open up and risk being hurt. But I want you to know that people like us—those who crave love in a very specific way, who want something deep and true—are not naive or foolish. If anything, it makes us stronger, more aware of what we deserve. We’re not settling for less, and that’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
I believe in love coming to us in all sorts of forms and at different times. So, as much as it can feel daunting, don’t ever doubt that love can find you, and it will come in a way that honors your heart. You deserve a love that meets you where you are, that sees you fully and unconditionally.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re not letting their words shake you. Your spirit, your kindness, your willingness to believe in something better—those are beautiful qualities. Keep holding onto that hope and trust that the right people will see and appreciate that in you.
🤍🌻
P.S. Yes, the title does translate to Blessed Winter, and I’m so glad you caught that! ^^ Every Fyodor fic I will ever write will have a Latin title, mostly because they’re just cool, but also because I headcanon him as someone who knows Latin. Plus, it’s a little homage to his timeless nature. He’s been around so long that Latin feels fitting.
Beata hiems - Fyodor x Reader
Synopsys: Holiday special—On a chilly winter morning, you and Fyodor set out together for a festive task, finding warmth in each other's company as you navigate the day.
No warnings, just fluff
A/N: Happy holidays, everyone! The most important thing during times like these is spending quality moments with the people you love. I realized I’ve written a lot of angst lately (and not ideal situations) that I almost forgot I can write pleasant things too :> Also, I ate way too much zacusca while writing this...
Word count: 3,300
Both you and Fyodor woke early, a habit born of necessity, yet today carried a rare air of anticipation. The quiet of the morning felt different—not the product of lingering work or duty, but a purposeful calm you both had sought together. The shared goal ahead of you—choosing the perfect yolka for the season—lent an unspoken warmth to the air, even as winter’s chill lingered outside.
The sun had barely risen, painting the sky with strokes of pink and orange as you and Fyodor prepared to set out. You wrapped your scarf hastily against the cold, eager to step outside but not prepared for the bite of the crisp winter air. The moment you crossed the threshold, the frost nipped at your cheeks, and you tugged the scarf higher, but it was no match for Fyodor’s keen eye.
“Come here,” he murmured, his voice low and smooth, cutting through the soft crunch of snow underfoot. His gloved hand reached for the scarf you had wrapped hurriedly around yourself. He adjusted it, deftly tucking the fabric snugly against your neck. His touch lingered—more delicate than necessary—and his sharp violet eyes softened in the golden light of the sunrise.
“You’re always so particular,” you said softly, your voice carrying more fondness than teasing.
A faint smile ghosted across his lips, one only you were privileged to see. “It’s merely practical. Keeping you warm spares me the concern.” Though his tone remained calm, the undercurrent of care made your chest tighten pleasantly.
“Practical, yes,” you said with a smile, a playful impulse to tease him flickering in your mind but quickly fading as you gently brushed your fingers against his hand. “But thank you.”
His raised eyebrow and the slight curve of his lips suggested he’d noticed your reaction, but he said nothing, instead gesturing toward the road ahead. “Let’s go. The trees won’t choose themselves.”
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The tree market was alive with the bustling energy of the season. Vendors called out their wares, offering everything from firs and pines to handmade garlands and wooden ornaments. The scent of mulled wine and roasted nuts mixed with the sharp, earthy tang of pine, creating an atmosphere that was as festive as it was chaotic.
You walked alongside Fyodor, arm in arm, his quiet presence shielding you from the full bite of the winter cold. His long coat and composed demeanor made him seem almost impervious to the freezing air, while you found yourself fiddling with your gloves and scarf for warmth. Yet his close proximity—so steady and reassuring—seemed to cast a blanket of warmth around you.
“Look at this one,” you said, pointing to a tall, lush pine with branches that stretched wide like welcoming arms. You tilted your head, imagining it standing proudly in the corner of your living room, adorned with sparkling lights and delicate ornaments.
Fyodor’s gaze swept over the tree with a critical eye, his gloved hands tucked neatly behind his back as he stepped closer. “It’s sturdy enough,” he remarked, reaching out briefly to test the firmness of the trunk. “But do we truly need something so ostentatious?”
You chuckled, the sound warm despite the chill. “It’s not ostentatious; it’s festive. And it’ll look perfect with the handmade ornaments we’re about to pick out.”
His lips quirked into a subtle smirk, the faintest flicker of amusement dancing in his eyes. “Handmade ornaments? Are you assembling an art gallery in our living room?”
“No,” you replied with a laugh, nudging his arm gently. “Just something unique for our tree. Help me find the perfect one.”
The two of you wandered through the aisles, debating over height, fullness, and symmetry. Fyodor’s meticulous approach—inspecting every detail, pointing out subtle flaws in the trees you favored—somehow complemented your more intuitive choices. Where he saw imperfections, you saw character; where he sought balance, you admired the charm.
Eventually, his resolve softened, and he let out a soft sigh, gesturing toward the very tree you’d first pointed out. “This one, then,” he said, his tone carrying a hint of indulgence. “If only to avoid spending the entire morning debating in the snow.”
You grinned, stepping forward to examine the tree one last time, your fingers brushing against the soft needles. “I knew you’d come around.”
His gaze lingered on you for a moment, and though he said nothing, the faint upward tilt of his lips betrayed a rare contentment. Together, you flagged down a worker to help carry the tree, already envisioning the warmth it would bring to your home.
---
The shelves at the decoration stall were a flood of color: glass baubles, painted wooden ornaments, strings of beads, and garlands in every shade imaginable. The scent of pine mingled with that of beeswax candles, adding a rustic charm to the lively atmosphere. Your fingers lingered on a set of painted ornaments shaped like matryoshka dolls, their intricate floral patterns catching the light as you turned them over.
“These are beautiful,” you said, holding one up for Fyodor to inspect, the delicate ornament resting gently in your palm.
He took it from your hand with care, his long fingers brushing yours as he did so. He examined the ornament thoughtfully, tilting it slightly to catch the light. “I do like them,” he admitted. “But do we plan for the tree to carry only traditional designs?”
“Not at all,” you replied, already picturing a mix of old-world charm and contemporary elegance. “I thought we’d pair them with something simpler, like gold and white baubles, to balance it out. What do you think?”
Fyodor’s gaze lingered on you for a moment, his violet eyes reflecting a softness that contrasted with his usual guarded expression. “Elegant, yet practical. A perfect mix, really.”
Pleased, you placed the ornaments into your basket and continued to wander through the stalls together, occasionally pausing to admire other unique finds. Your eyes lit up at a garland of shimmering beads hanging high above, just out of your reach. Before you could even try, Fyodor stepped forward, his movements fluid and precise, and plucked it effortlessly. He draped it lightly over his arm before turning to you, his expression unreadable but somehow fond.
“Teamwork,” he commented dryly, earning a quiet laugh from you.
As you browsed further, a bright red ornament shaped like a cheerful bear caught your attention. Without hesitation, you slipped it into the basket with a mischievous grin. When Fyodor noticed it moments later, he plucked it out and held it up between two fingers, his expression hovering between disapproval and amusement.
“This one will disrupt your balance,” he remarked, the faintest trace of dry humor in his voice.
“But it sparks joy,” you countered with a soft laugh, tilting your head as if daring him to disagree.
He regarded the ornament for a moment longer before sighing, his faint smirk returning. “Unnecessary distractions,” he muttered, though he placed it back in the basket without further comment. “Still, it’s not without charm.”
His quiet concession made your smile widen as you linked your arm with his again. “Thank you, Fyodor.”
He glanced at you briefly, his eyes softening before he turned his attention back to the rows of decorations. “I simply indulge your whims,” he said, though the subtle warmth in his tone betrayed him.
---
Back home, the tree stood proudly in the corner of the living room, its presence filling the space with the earthy scent of pine. You began unpacking the decorations while Fyodor set up the stand with the quiet precision you had come to expect from him. Even the simple act of adjusting the tree seemed graceful in his hands.
“Before we start decorating, why don’t we drink some eggnog?” you suggested, stepping back to admire the tree’s placement.
Fyodor glanced up, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “It will keep you warm after being in the cold. I’ll prepare it.”
In the kitchen, the two of you worked in quiet harmony. Fyodor took charge of whisking egg yolks and sugar until they turned pale and creamy, his movements deliberate and exact. Meanwhile, you heated milk and spices on the stove, the warm aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg filling the air. The rhythmic sounds of his whisking and the occasional soft crackle from the stove added to the serene atmosphere.
Unable to resist the tranquility of the moment, you stepped behind him and wrapped your arms lightly around his waist, leaning your head against his back. His steady movements didn’t falter, but his voice softened as he acknowledged your presence.
“Comfortable?” he asked, a hint of amusement lacing his tone.
“Very,” you murmured, letting the warmth of the scene seep into you. You lingered there, feeling the quiet strength in his posture, before he turned slightly, nudging you gently to take the mug he had prepared. Reluctantly, you let go, accepting the drink with a soft smile.
As he handed you the mug with a faint smirk, his violet eyes glinted with quiet satisfaction. You sipped the warm drink, savoring the rich, spiced flavor.
“It’s truly perfect,” you said, meeting his gaze over the rim of your mug. “You have a talent for making even simple things feel special.”
His expression softened, and he inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment. “Perhaps it’s the company that elevates the experience, my dear.”
Your smile widened as you set your mug down and began gathering ingredients for cookies. “Ready for the next round of teamwork?”
Fyodor raised an eyebrow as you tossed an apron in his direction. “You expect me to assist with this?”
“Yes,” you said, tying your own apron and flashing him a playful grin. “You’re a fast learner.”
The two of you began mixing ingredients, your approaches naturally complementing each other, creating a rhythm that felt both efficient and effortless. As you sifted flour into a bowl, another mischievous idea struck. Without warning, you flicked a pinch of flour at him, leaving a pale dusting on his sleeve.
He paused, slowly turning his head to regard you with an expression of calm menace. “You’re playing a dangerous game, lyubov’...”
Laughing, you grabbed another pinch. “Am I?”
With a swift motion, Fyodor dipped his fingers into the flour and smudged a streak across your cheek. You gasped, your eyes wide with mock indignation. As you reached for a small handful in retaliation, his hand closed lightly over yours, stopping you mid-motion. His violet eyes gleamed with a quiet gaiety.
“Dear...” He spoke slowly, as if daring you to continue. “Do you really wish to escalate this?” his voice calm, though the faintest trace of a smirk betrayed him.
Of course, mischief took the better of you, and in the blink of an eye, the kitchen erupted into chaos. Flour flew through the air in soft, white clouds, settling like snow on the countertops, the floor, and both of you. Laughter spilled from your lips, a sweet, carefree sound that danced in the space between you.
The aprons did little to catch the fallout, now more a futile shield than anything useful. It didn’t matter. The room was filled with the rhythm of playful war—dashes of flour as ammunition, mischievous glances exchanged between you both, and the occasional breathless chuckle escaping your lips as one of you narrowly avoided a flour bomb.
When you finally waved the white flag, Fyodor stepped closer, his voice calm but laced with quiet authority. “Do not start a war you cannot win,” he murmured, brushing a bit of flour from your hair. Despite his stern words, the glimmer of mirth in his eyes betrayed his amusement.
“Then let's declare a truce,” you said, smiling up at him. His gaze softened as he nodded, and together, you returned to baking with a newfound warmth between you.
---
After dinner and tidying up, the two of you finally began decorating the tree. The room was bathed in the warm, flickering glow of the fire in the hearth, casting a soft, golden light over everything. The air smelled faintly of pine and the lingering scent of the meal, creating an intimate, peaceful atmosphere as you carefully unpacked the ornaments and strings of lights.
“The gold garland should go first,” Fyodor suggested, his fingers brushing over the shimmering strands before he draped them with precision along the branches.
“Quite the expert on this decorating business,” you teased with a smile, stepping closer to adjust a section he’d already placed, your fingers brushing his as you did.
“I simply prefer a bit of order over chaos,” he replied with his usual calm, though a hint of amusement flickered at the corner of his lips, betraying his composed demeanor.
As you both worked together, the sounds of soft laughter and the faint rustle of ornaments filled the air. You held up a small ornament shaped like a bell, turning it in your hand with a questioning look. “Where should this go?”
Fyodor stepped closer, his presence quiet but commanding. His hand brushed yours as he gently took the bell from you, his fingers warm against your skin. “Here,” he said, his voice softer than usual, placing it with deliberate care near the center of the tree.
You hummed in satisfaction, stepping back to admire the spot he had chosen, feeling a small, unexpected warmth at how he treated each ornament with such attention. Reaching into the box again, you pulled out a bear ornament—one you’d picked up earlier that day. The little bear was a reminder of your shared experiences, and it felt like a quiet piece of your heart woven into the holiday.
Without a word, Fyodor took it from you with a reverence that spoke volumes. His gaze lingered on the ornament for a moment, his fingers caressing it gently before he placed it with quiet care on the tree, the gesture speaking more than any words could.
You reached into the box again, this time pulling out a sprig of mistletoe. Holding it playfully above your head, you couldn’t resist the chance to tease him once more. “And where does this go?”
Fyodor’s eyes flicked to the mistletoe, and then back to you. The air between you shifted subtly, the playful tension between you both thickening. “A kiss?” he murmured, his voice laced with something deeper, something unspoken.
“It’s bad luck if we don’t,” you replied, your voice teasing yet holding a hint of sincerity, knowing he wouldn’t let something so trivial go unacknowledged.
Fyodor’s lips curled into a rare, genuine smile. He leaned in slowly, the warmth of his breath mingling with yours as his lips brushed against yours in a kiss that was both tender and featherlight. His kiss—how can one explain it? It felt like he had nothing to lose. Like his heartbeat was yours. Like someone who has just learned a foreign language and can only speak in the present tense, with you as the subject. Only now, only you.
The moment seemed to stretch, the world outside of the two of you fading away as he pulled back just enough to murmur softly against your lips, his voice low and warm.
“We wouldn’t want that kind of luck,” he whispered, his smile lingering as his eyes met yours, holding you in a quiet moment of shared connection.
---
The tree stood proudly in the corner of the living room, its soft, twinkling lights casting a warm glow throughout the space. The fire crackled in the hearth, its flames flickering and stretching across the walls, filling the room with a comforting, intimate atmosphere. You and Fyodor were curled up on the couch, a soft blanket draped over your legs, the heat from the fire adding a quiet coziness to the evening.
Mugs of warm eggnog rested in your hands, the rich, spiced aroma filling the air as you took a slow sip, savoring the creamy warmth. Fyodor sat beside you, his hand wrapped around his own mug, a soft, almost imperceptible smile on his lips. There was a sense of peacefulness between you, the quiet sound of the fire and your soft laughter making everything feel still and right.
You shifted a little, the anticipation bubbling in your chest as you leaned toward him, holding out a small gift. “I got you something,” you said quietly, your voice carrying a hint of excitement despite the calm of the evening.
Fyodor’s violet eyes glinted as he glanced at you, eyebrow raised slightly in that characteristic way of his. “For me?” he asked, his tone a mix of curiosity and glee.
You nodded and passed him the neatly wrapped box. He took it with that ever-so-gentle touch of his, unwrapping the gift with careful precision, his eyes flicking between the paper and your face. When the box was open, he held up the fountain pen you had chosen for him—sleek, elegant, with intricate golden details that caught the firelight just right.
“It’s beautiful,” he murmured, his fingers tracing the pen’s smooth surface. “I’ll put it to good use,” he added, his usual stoicism softening further.
“I know you enjoy writing,” you said, a smile tugging at your lips. “I thought it might be something you’d appreciate.”
Fyodor looked at the pen for a long moment, his eyes dark with thought, before meeting your gaze. “It is perfect,” he said, the sincerity in his voice unmistakable. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he added, “Thank you.”
You grinned, feeling a warm rush of happiness at his words. “I’m glad you like it.”
He cradled your cheek, his fingers tracing the soft skin with a tenderness born of awe. Then, his expression shifting to one of quiet amusement. He reached for a box of his own, setting his mug down beside him. You watched with curiosity as he gave you your gift.
When you opened it, you froze, your heart skipping a beat at the sight. Inside was a small, simple folder containing a series of documents. You blinked in confusion, slowly reaching for them as Fyodor’s eyes held your gaze with a steady, almost amused calm.
“It’s a bit unconventional,” Fyodor said, his voice low and steady, “but you mentioned once that you would like to escape the city.”
You unfolded the papers slowly, eyes widening as you realized what they were—legal documents, papers that transferred ownership of an entire mountain to you. A piece of land. A whole mountain. He had given you a literal escape from the city, just as you had hinted at so long ago.
“A mountain?” you whispered, your voice almost incredulous.
Fyodor’s lips curved into a faint smile. “You said you wanted to get away. I thought this might be a... fitting solution. Perhaps you’ll find it more peaceful.”
You couldn’t help but laugh, the absurdity and thoughtfulness of the gift almost too much to comprehend. “A whole mountain…” you echoed, still in shock. “Well, I’ll have to plan my next vacation carefully now.”
Fyodor’s smile deepened, a quiet chuckle escaping him. “I suspect you will.”
You leaned into him, shaking your head in disbelief but also deeply touched by the enormity of his gift. “It’s… incredible,” you said, your voice soft and full of wonder. “I never imagined you’d actually go so far.”
“I’ve always been one for unconventional gestures,” Fyodor remarked smoothly, his tone laced with that familiar calm but with a subtle warmth. He leaned in slightly, his lips grazing your temple as he placed a gentle kiss there.
As you sat together, the warmth of the fire and the quiet serenity of the evening enveloping you, you realized that no material gift could compare to this moment. The mountain—while impressive—was just a symbol of the depth of his consideration, of how well he knew you, how carefully he listened to the quietest of your desires.
You pulled the blanket around you both, sipping your eggnog as you let the peaceful atmosphere settle around you. Fyodor rested his arm around you, pulling you a little closer, and for a while, you just sat in contented silence, letting the fire and the quiet of the room fill the space between you.
It was, without question, the kind of day dreams are made out of.
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So I think I finally decided to hand in my thesis in December instead of on Thursday because my mental health can’t keep up with everything that is happening and I’m suffering kind of a lot heh.
I mean idc if I get a bad grade because I know I can get a good one after. I had a rough year and I think I prefer being able to correct things on my thesis before handing something that could get me a meh grade.
This is my pride and joy, my baby, and it deserves a time to shine.
#too many stuff#sorry rambling#like i’m crying about it because i had more hopes for me#but like yeah I think it’s the best thing I could do to hand it in later#the teachers wouldn’t mind and in fact one of them told me she prefers a good thesis in December than one meh in the real date#im so burnt out about life and school#I want to sleep and be silly in calls with Mischa#I just want that#sasa rambles
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people begging me to do something to make a certain someone happy aren’t taking into account that i hate this person and i will revel in the knowledge that i kept them from getting the most perfect version of what they wanted. in fact i hope they mourn the loss of this for the rest of their life and die unhappy about it
#i wish i could do worse. i wish i could go through and ruin everything i ended up giving them (all against my wishes) and i wish#i could ruin everything they love because god do i hate them and i will laugh when they finally fucking die#i have no idea why everyone glosses over all the shit this person has done to us and all the pain they’ve caused and i can’t fathom why#everyone wants to make them happy and why they’re willing to beg and bribe for me (and one other person who also hates them) to#give in but it is amusing and i hope they all fucking cry about it like oh nooo did poor [REDACTED] not get something they will never#get another chance to have ? oh well that sucks so bad for them i’m oh so sorry i caused that i can’t believe i managed to ruin their#chances for this how awful that this person i hate who has done and gotten away with so many horrible things didn’t get their perfect#little fantasy how sad we should all comfort them and call me a bitch who has no respect for anyone#god sometimes i wish i gave into violence more in the past bc i wish i got to fucking beat their ass up back when it would be self-defense#unforch i will never get to now. SAD!#i suppose i have murder fantasies and the thought of being able to ruin their funeral to soothe my soul#and the knowledge that i could make them fucking hurt by refusing to cooperate w them#and ough every time an opportunity presents itself for me to fucking take back what they took from me arises i have to fight myself#on it bc everyone will know it was me. i don’t even want what they have i just want them to know they will never get it back and#god it would upset them so much but they never should have had it in the first place ough if i get the chance before i ditch everyone here#for good i’d want to take it and stick around just long enough to hear how much they’ll cry about it before i fuck off#unforch i would need to know where all of their copies of things are but fuck i hate knowing they’ve taken so much from me bc i didn’t#get a fucking choice and they think they have to right to keep it all bc oh it makes them so happy they love having it they’re so fucking#afraid of losing it but it’d be so easy and i doubt they’d even notice for a while and i genuinely could disguise it as a mistake something#got misplaced some files corrupted etc etc but whatever this is fantasy a sweet little daydream of mine my second fantasy involving#them has smth to do with setting their house on fire and my third fantasy is desecrating their grave when the time comes#okay i’m done w this lalalalalala *skips off into the distance* i think revenge is not productive but god is it delicious to think about
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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Olli and Allu walking together in the background of BC's latest IG story (filmed on the Nokia Arena ice) siiiiiiiiiiiiigh are they attached at the hip or what 🙄🤲💕
I didn’t even notice so I went to check and aaaaaaaaa!!! 💞😭 they definitely are 🤧
I will never get over the fact that they apparently spend every possible moment together?? 😭 like… they always went to stroll around new cities on tour, Allu has been to Oulu not once but TWICE after their US tour and has spent time with Olli there and still they spent every minute together in Tampere, watched the game together and all 🤧🥺💖💗
#babies 😭💞 I’m actually gonna cry if I think about this more#may I also (once again) mention how Olli has liked only Allu’s pics on Instagram 🤧 because that makes me so soft as well#yes they’re only likes but it’s a big thing in the Olli/Allu delululand!!#hope you have a great evening 🥰#I’ve had the worst day but this made it a lot better so thank you 💗#olliallu#answered
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So I’m just not allowed to have single happy moment huh? Not even for a fucking second?
#i believe that yeah mom maybe no one is perfect but I believe that you are pushing your luck - paraphrasing tfb here but ugh#parents will literally say you can tell them anything and then shame you for not being perfect#like fuck you#its not even that bad of a mistake#I accidentally left my car keys at the theater but I’m getting them tomorrow#it’s just that I’ll have to be dropped off and picked up at school by my dad#which he’s done for fucking years so it’s not like an inconvenience#you’re just an asshole who likes it when people feel bad#I’m already stressed because of fucking everything and this happens and I figure it out and handle it#but you can’t leave it alone you have to shame me#when I was younger and forgot my phone in the airport bathroom because I had been distracted by my period starting#you yelled at me in the middle of the fucking airport in front of everyone and made me cry even more#and then you apologized because you knew i was already feeling awful about it without you yelling at me#why did you bother apologizing when you do the same exact thing every fucking time I mess up#I hope you go to hell
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#i’m kind of really heartbroken right now#so i had tickets to the hot freaks concert and went tonight—which i don’t mind posting on here because i live several hours away#so basically i drove to the venue for several hours and stopped like once for food#it was my understanding that windsor was opening and then the hot freaks and then the happy fits i guess but i didn’t know the exact times#we were running a bit late bc of the road trip and walked in at 7:25 (the show started at 7) and i got to see the tail end of ‘boyfriend’#& i was like ‘oh okay i just missed their first song’ but then they walked off stage and my heart dropped. i missed everything#and yeah it’s on me because i must have had a misunderstanding about how the show worked#i’d never even heard of a show where an act performs for 20-25 minutes unless it’s like a variety show or something#i did cry about it already and just tried to have a good rest of the night since we’d already driven for hours#i got to meet the band at the merch table which was really cool and they gave me a free signed CD & sticker & friendship bracelet because—#they felt bad for me. which was very sweet (i also bought a shirt)#i know i should be grateful i was even able to go to the concert. and i still had fun but part of me will always be heartbroken#because financially/geographically it’s not smart to go to another show even further away just to see a 25 minute set when i’ve already got#the merch & all. plus i can listen to them on Spotify#i can only hope they come to a location closer to where i live#but there’s no guarantee because they’re so underground. they only resurfaced because of stupid tiktok & they’re only popular enough to be—#half of an opening act. so they could potentially never go on tour again#if i had more of a platform i would boost their music more but i don’t#i know it’ll be okay. it’s just a lot of things have been going shitty lately and i thought this would make me feel better and it just—#went to shit#tw vent#rose.txt
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the fun part about periods is that there’s enough time in between them for you to forget The Horrors so by the time your period starts again you get to suffer The Horrors again as if for the very first time!
#whimsy whispers#I wanna die I wanna die so bad I feel so sick and I wanna cry about it just a bit#actually I’ve been very brave today and I haven’t cried#I have however been whining to kane all day (sorry kane)#maybe not helped by the fact that all I’ve eaten today was a plate full of potatoes and cheese and two butter mints but in my defense the#idea of eating made me sick#I also had a breakfast essential if that’s anything#I intend to try and eat more food tomorrow I hope#I just feel really sick and disgusted and I feel like if I consume anything it’s going to make me feel worse#i contemplated ramen earlier and then was like no I’ll die#I’ve also been consuming brisk strawberry melon flavor today because despite not really liking strawberry or melon it is my favourite#flavor of brisk and kane remembered this and grabbed me one whilst at the store today so thank you kane for that as well as the buttermints#and chocolate#I do have a sleeve of crackers next to me I may try and nibble on those but probably not because again I feel so sick I could die#aren’t periods great aren’t they fun isn’t it great feeling so fucking terrible for days and also possible ruining some pajamas you actually#liked because Uh Oh big blood is here! like okay sure fine not like I liked my matching pajama pants anyways now I’m wearing red polar bear#pajama pants so sure cool they’re comfy at least
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story time in the tags lol
"forgive and forget" WRONG! go to hell
#had a patron complain about me recently at work because her child would not stop running#and i would not stop telling her child (in my kid friendly voice) ‘walking feet please!’#so she filled out a complaint that I ‘look miserable’#and ‘yelled at her daughter’#and her daughter ‘is 3 and can’t be expected to follow the rules like adults ‘#pissed me off so bad i was crying at work#anyways my boss politely told her to fuck off#‘multiple staff members reported your children running and climbing on furniture’ HA#so she comes back on friday and leaves after she sees me at the desk#told my partner about it and he said ‘did you say anything to her’ and i said lol no#he said ‘oh i thought you might have wanted to clear the air and make sure she didn’t feel uncomfy there’#and i looked at this man and said ‘i hope she feels uncomfortable every time she comes in and sees me’#i hope she feels like shit whenever she comes in and i’m there#she didn’t wanna parent her child and so she put the first official complaint on my work record in SIX YEARS at this place#she made it so personal with the miserable comment and also by complaining to another patron about how none of us have kids#so we don’t understand#which is a wild thing to assume about a building full of strangers#many of whom DO have kids#so i hope she is uncomfortable every time she comes in#and i hope she steps on legos every day#forgive and forget#more like kiss my ass#Lauren’s grudgery open 24/7/365 including holidays
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