#like i wont but if i did id have to go. theyd give me money to go there. theyd give me like a guaranteed good future

[lokh]

every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[compassionatereminders]

hiya kat! im at a crossroads and id like to have your insight on it. recently im trying to detach myself from the toxic stuff i grew up with, (ignoring ones mental, emotional , and physical health because acaemics is seen as the priority). and i get that. i understand that in my parents' time, school was hard to come by and knowledge is precious. growing up ive always ignored everything else in order to pursue academic validation, and it really shattered ny mental hwalth (obv), im trying not to do that and prioritize myself for once.

tomorrow i have classes. my mom wont let me not go unless im really dying, ive gone to school super sick before end up in the clinic and get scolded why i went there at all if i felt bad, (i have told her before going and she did not believe me), bcs its more work for her to come pick me up midday than just have me go home om my own. the classes arent that major but i have a quiz during our last period, and our school has this policy that u cant take anything they did that day if u dont have a medical certificate. itsvery pricey in our country, and mom wont give me money for it, however, theres a public clinic near us that i can go to for free.

i am not super sick and i know i should go, but the past few week have been sucking the energy out of me bcs our profs literally encourage us to do the same, (ignore health for acads). and because week after week we've been doing heavy work nonstop. my school is an hour or two tops away from home so i cant just pop up for a bit then go home, its a waste of time and money. i do want to prioritize my health because i want to be healthier in all aspects as time goes by, but i feel guilty because i know my parents will make me feel guilty. of they even see me tomorrow being okay and seemingly fine theyd tell me im ungrateful and all that, and i cant really carry those words right now.

i just wanna go now if i think about it because its too much work physically and mentally if i dont. if i go i know that there wont be anything thatll happen until our last period and ill just feel more burnt out instead of trying to rest. what do u think?

I think forcing your children to go to school sick is neglectful and abusive. Like you are not supposed to neglect your mental and physical health in such a manner. School is important yes, but not more important than the rest of you

[genius11rare]

Chit Chat 111620   11-16-20

Chitchat 111620 with Jack Michael Jeremys Chair and the disembodied voice of alfredo (no he left after set up immediately , never heard him) id put “keep reading” if i knew how for this sorry

Jack: hi im jack with my friends michael and Spearow the dragon (jeremys not here , theres a spyro … pillow i think on his chair).. So we made the mistake of doing 2 minecrafts backtoback  and it ended like 20 minutes ago then like “oh yeah we have other stuff we need to set up before”… Michael:  yeah this isnt so much a chitchat it is just a chit not really time for a chat. Jack: how about we chit about recapping extralife?  It went really well thank you everyone who watched and contributed, trying to get chat up right now…. Cuz we got Chit trying to get the Chat as well… this is the 4th year in a row we raised over 1 million$ , and were having some auctions for charity. Up for auction: 3D printed gen lock heads , pictures of the Spooky Hour (Gen Notes i thought they were done with that?) , the jon risinger bob ross segment painting , some f*face hats , some wood and glass sculptures (jeremy comes back during around this) … and gratz to jeremy for urinating and coming back *on time*  Jeremy: hey my bathroom is a few steps from here… that whole time was spent peeing Oooohhhh better. Jack: michael , jeremy got anything to say about whats happened recently. Michael: no uh…. Just recovering… Jeremy: oh that was hard to watch michael. Jack: oh i have this picture i posted on twitter of fiona milking gavin…. Spraying milk into his eyes , sounds weird when i phrase it like that see if i can post it. Fiona somehow got both eyes in one shot , none in the mouth (the goal) just eyes. If you don't know the context it looks like hes spraying milk from his head like some kind of anime demon… then the paintballs happened…. Usually with paintballs theyve been going a while and theyve calmed down , that time it was new compressors and we JUST started using them for michael and gavin (Michael: “they” as in the paintballs themselves , theyve calmed down) yeah so that time they still had a lot of OOMPF and it was like getting kicked in the head over and over. Michael: no that's good , kick me in the head all you want. I went second just so i could tell how bad it hurt , so i knew where to hit gavin to make it hurt the most… immediately flipped on it like “he doesnt deserve this” and shot the face (which hurt the least) as much to spare him… i did do a few tummy shots but still. Jack: the crotch was also a good spot cuz of the cockblocker… problem is if you missed they go left or right into your thigh Michael: the thigh and stomach hurt the most … our thighs are black Jeremy: were also doing the vinyl  Jack: oh yeah we reached our goal and putting AH the musical on a vinyl , plus a new song with Fiona ive been working with her trying to get the tone and everything (Gen notes im gonna guess its there so Still in the Air isnt…) … Jeremy wanna say what you offered up? Jeremy: yeah were doing the AH rap version 2 (Gen notes either A. a version with the rest of  “The B Team” to have verses , or B. redoing it without HIM) , been working on a beat for it … ive written one verse mine so far (Gen notes , think its option B then) but i feel like its a little TOO mean so i may dial it back down a bit … the plan is shorter verses but more people , so hopefully Myself , michael gavin , Jack , Fiona , the twins , Matt , Lindsay and MAYBE a verse where the  support room jump in one bar at a time , still in the works. Jack: yeah you guys DEMOLISHED goals, chads daughter she is so sweet… she saved up chore money and wanted to donate it all of her own , she wasn't convinced to she just wanted to donate 20$ which just broke everyone - well chad and i , caiti held it together, so we asked the audience to match her 20$...  over the course of 10 minutes that 20$ became 65000$... we broke extralife we legit broke their intake of donations. We also had 2 people there who if we needed to hand something to someone wed give it to them , theyd “baptize” it as covid precaution then give it to whoever. Michael: except cloth they were like “you touch cloth you own it” … was like i could walk away with a lot of things right here , this towel? This towels done (Jack: you just going around grabbing curtains) … (start paraphrasing)  we always want extralife to be like the best show ever cuz its for a good cause , but then this year we were like “how would we even pull it off”... i don't think 2020 extralife couldve gone better given everything (end paraphrasing) “fave extralife 2020 moment” Jack: my thing… Chad James is a freaking beast and towards the end the last segment we did was called the sweet and sour hour where caiti would do something nice and chad would get punished … it ended up getting stacked so we started doing some at once. At one point Chad is on the pummelhorse which is an elastic band that hits you in the undercarriage , chelsea was there with a leg wax remover , then we had cody from code 4 which is our compliance officer with hand sanitizer. So Blaine pummelhorses chad , chelsea leg waxes him and then cody sprays him with the antiseptic (michael: in his eyes… Gen Notes i mean hes probably kidding but idk it seems possible) … chads on the pummelhorse weeping and Blaines ALREADY spinning the wheel. Michael: its funny , theres so much stuff that happened and not just the segments i was there for , but a simple delight getting chad to eat that whole pickle … he was just saying “i cant do it ill throw up” and i just kept repeating “youu can dooooo iit...”... gave me some enjoyment since i was there basically to get slapped around , but in between i made chad eat a pickle Jack: so jeremy you have a fave moment? I know you were there for the solo stream section - oh i forgot about DJ JAAWNK how could i that was a blast Jeremy: yeah i was listening to most of the solo streamer section , i know Kdin had a thing where she gathered a bunch of people to do among us and it was fun…. For a certain donation amount they would just launch john mace into space , theyd just call a meeting and get him… Matt joined me playing spyro and i had the Gold Chonky spyro mods on , and if people donated enough wed spin a wheel that me or him would have to do.. We had to spin it like 15 times , and alot of them were “have to hold the controller upsidedown” which is a monstrosity… and twice it was me put a blindfold on and matt would have to direct me through the level. I panicked A LOT cuz you could HEAR the enemies shooting at and coming at you   but i didn't know where … it was like a live Matt and Jeremy do something - your welcome sarah! (Michael: you did do something… Spearow… Spearowmint gum)  so first were doing SPiderman Miles Morales PS4 edition cuz i don't have a PS5! Everyones talking about how they're sold out so the most ive done was when i was shopping for ovens i was like “lemme peruse the playstation aisle” didn't see one and went guess im not getting one… Jack: are they even selling them in person or is it just online… Michael: i know game stop is selling them , they're sold out but i know they were selling them.... Think most stores waiting for black friday to get them in store… i want one but im not going to a store on black friday , ill play fall guys if i want to get trampled Jack: oh yeah someone mentioned the ChungeScwa heist is coming we reached that goal Michael: fiona said i could be there, i asked can i help and she said something like “plz help , cuz otherwise it wont happen.” ive also offered doing a 50 turn mario party even though it wasn't a goal cuz we didn't even do last years so now wed owe 2 for 2021 assuming we can make that happen. Jack: cant you do a 100 turn mario party is that a thing? Michael: no 50 is the most , ive contemplated maybe we combine them into one game and scores carry over but it might be upsetting if im ahead by 9 stars after 50 turns and then it just becomes a 4 hour victory lap so its probably better to do 2 of them… we were about to do one in april we were planning on shooting it in april but then SOMETHING came up idk what it was … it just kept coming up for 7 months… Jeremy: and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming… oh if were going to show my PS4 screen lemme show how much a  loser i am…. Jack: you got a platinum in bug snax?!?!? Jeremy: yuuuppppp!!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hey

Joe: my flatmate has some work I reckon your mate might be interested in

Joe: but it’ll sound a bit dodgy coming from me so you wanna pass it along?

Joe: moneys alright for no real work, depending on how you look at it

Ronnie: never done any work as a secretary myself

Ronnie: write your own fucking love notes

Joe: I see that

Joe: your accent down the 📞?

Joe: no cunt here’d understand you, never mind the demeanour

Joe: yeah, well, it’d really seem that way

Joe: but I actually need someone to take her off my hands

Ronnie: racism as foreplays playing to the wrong crowd hes more into homo bashing

Ronnie: errr dunno how you read his demeanor mckenna but he aint taken a her off anyones hands since before any of us had phones

Joe: i’ll keep that in mind

Joe: well homophobic of me to not tell him myself so he’s welcome for the freebie

Joe: not actual escorting

Joe: she does art, her life drawing class needs a model

Joe: I ain’t fucking doing that

Joe: tell me I ain’t 📖 him right on that one

Ronnie: fucks sake if youd said it was cash for cock wed be done talking already

Joe: I just did

Joe: sound, she’ll be made up, she’ll get off my case, and he’ll get £15 an hour, apparently 👌

Ronnie: sexist not to ask me

Ronnie: pass that on to your little gf

Joe: weren’t her idea to ask Charlie

Joe: you’ll have to take up that grievance with me as well

Joe: I’ll just point out it’d be even weirder if I’d have asked you

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: how much £ you offering me to bang you

Joe: if I did no point paying you to do it for her and her class and not me

Joe: that’s an interesting take on cucking though, loads that would go for it, I’m sure

Ronnie: ill write it down as youve made me go hunting for a pen in this shithole

Joe: cheers

Joe: take 20% commission or whatever

Joe: or take the IOU I owe him for doing this

Ronnie: you said it hed do this for fuck all ill take the lot and mary wont know it was a paid gig

Joe: if he can fend the flatmate off, undoubtedly a load of art gays he can have his pick of

Ronnie: that what youre telling yourself for why you dont want me to do it yeah

Joe: you wanna do it?

Ronnie: i want you to admit the reason you dont want me to is cause he scrubs up enough for horse girl and her course mates not to stage an intervention

Joe: not what it is so no

Joe: I know I don’t want to get my shit out in front of a load of middle class kids who know fuck all about fuck all, so I assumed as much for you

Ronnie: dont ever assume fuck all for or about me

Joe: why do you wanna do it so bad when like you said, you can pocket the cash and get him to?

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking do it

Joe: well that’s grand ‘cos I reckon Sophie wants to see dick so

Joe: she’d be really let down

Ronnie: usually what gets you off

Ronnie: but im made up youre in love now like

Joe: please, she either don’t get it’s weird to ask me which means she’s some kind of special

Joe: or this is the start of her 50 shades fantasy and I have to be the let down to end all let downs and i’m already doing my best

Ronnie: rem is right to pay for it when she could just walk in on you taking a piss or having a shower

Joe: when you’re just a creep and not a predator 💔

Joe: not the girl my parents warned me about

Ronnie: if theyd be the type to go down the stables theyd have seen the other side of her

Joe: you’ve got your own daydreams, alright

Joe: put out the feelers, who isn’t a little gay these days, right

Ronnie: go ed and pass on ive got a bigger dick than him and she will have

Ronnie: i dont dream 💔

Joe: shame she isn’t equally inspiring for you

Joe: or anyone, really

Ronnie: cry about it with him when youre done pimping

Joe: what do you dream about then, when you’re awake

Ronnie: what you cant read me

Joe: clearly not

Joe: dashed your modelling dreams

Ronnie: blind and not able to read braille must be dead hard for you

Joe: is that sympathy?

Joe: or you offering me 🖐 to 👩🏼‍🦲 time

Ronnie: again you wish

Ronnie: 💭💉

Ronnie: cant make it any easier to understand soz

Joe: maybe I do

Joe: far as 💭s go

Ronnie: fuck maybe you do or you dont

Joe: well it ain’t why I don’t want to get my arms out for her

Joe: not tried it

Joe: but not a no

Ronnie: give a shit what you do or dont want to do for or to her

Joe: that is a no, tah

Ronnie: tell her not me baby

Joe: that’s not a big sister duty?

Joe: gutted

Ronnie: wouldnt know im the middle kid dorothy does that for us

Joe: i’ll ask him when i’m crying on him then

Joe: make a change for me

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: rack up the ious like a fat line hes gonna be made up

Joe: oi he’s like family ain’t he

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: you wanna fuck your mam

Ronnie: not oi ing you

Joe: well you get to think about me and him, you gave me her and you, not fair

Ronnie: life aint soft lad

Ronnie: and stopping at thinking about shit is the difference between me and you

Joe: I get it, you’ve gone there

Joe: purely here for the homophobia

Ronnie: your kinks match 💘

Ronnie: purely there so the lads dont kick off before hes got his kicks

Joe: see, you’ve got it in you 💘

Joe: the sisterly thing

Joe: my hate don’t get expressed by putting me in him though so I won’t run my mouth

Ronnie: not what ive got in me but im not giving you the talk just cause your ma didnt

Joe: you want a virgin to defile reckon Soph and her mates are prime, vampira

Ronnie: set it up with her ill show if i get no better offers

Joe: lucky girl

Joe: no more nights in doing doodles of cute girls that look like you

Ronnie: we dont look alike youll have to accept theyre of you

Joe: i fit less than you, by far

Ronnie: fuck off

Joe: sorry

Joe: it’s weird, say the least

Ronnie: i fit nowhere she made sure i dont

Joe: ditto

Joe: so buzzing i can write shit songs about it though

Ronnie: no

Ronnie: weve got fuck all in common

Joe: just the same mother

Joe: who put her shitty genetics and choices on us both at different times

Ronnie: i ain’t got a mother you cant cross out the un from wanted and act like its the same word

Joe: incubator then

Joe: she was 19 and still fucked, don’t think they had a five-year plan down

Joe: worse if she did, the state of

Ronnie: she made 1 choice for me shes still controlling you

Ronnie: were not the fucking same

Joe: you reckon

Ronnie: if you wanna claim it aint her fault youre this big of a pussy try it

Joe: you don’t think it’s my fault?

Joe: woah, just say you love me

Ronnie: i dont think about you when you aint trying to compare us

Joe: hot

Joe: I’ve thought about you plenty

Joe: uni ain’t that interesting

Ronnie: you came looking for me werent the other way round

Ronnie: you ain’t interesting to me mckenna

Joe: you reckon you’re fascinating, yeah?

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: if your flatmate knows anyone doing doc film making they can wank over me lying in the gutter when youre done

Joe: nah

Joe: you don’t want control of your narrative

Ronnie: i dont want a narrative

Joe: then i’ll be the only wanker

Ronnie: in your dreams

Joe: well you painted such a lovely visual

Ronnie: black screen would get you going can stay in your own fucked head with no interference then like

Joe: Static is my kink

Joe: you know me so well

Ronnie: your fucking kink is not shutting the hell up til i do

Joe: i’m a gentleman

Joe: and i’m taking that review

Ronnie: youll get a lengthy one from my big brother when you are

Joe: you don’t have to settle for hearing it and getting your kicks second-hand

Joe: I’ll have to be somewhere to be unavailable for this life drawing class

Joe: let’s do something

Ronnie: what you paying me to babysit

Joe: you can ask my mammy or you can see what you can get

Ronnie: if i was gonna talk to her it wouldnt be about you

Joe: thank god

Joe: so take the risk

Ronnie: of what

Ronnie: boring me is asking too much of you

Joe: that’s surely a given

Joe: risk anything but

Ronnie: if I need rescuing again ill call you thats the only given Joe: you’re worse than her

Joe: christian grey or superman, like

Joe: gonna be BFFs yous, I can tell

Ronnie: you dont like being compared to cunts youre nothing like either funny that

Joe: touche

Joe: come on, what would convince you

Ronnie: if youre gonna beg then beg and if youre gonna show me something do it

Joe: I know you’d like to hear me beg but I can’t tell what you’d wanna see

Ronnie: then the answers nothing

Joe: nah

Joe: the answers you want to wait or you wanna be disappointed

Ronnie: why the fuck would I want either of those things

Joe: that’s what I’ll give you then

Joe: the opposite of that

Ronnie: thats meant to convince me yeah

Joe: nah, I am

Ronnie: like fuck will you

Joe: see, you want to be disappointed

Ronnie: ill be disappointed want has fuck all to do with it

Joe: if you don’t come and see

Ronnie: come where

Joe: see me

Joe: i’m new in town, I don’t know where to go

Joe: fuck sightseeing

Ronnie: [somewhere she’d hang out]

Ronnie: go there

Joe: now?

Ronnie: whenever you dont know where to go

Joe: okay

Joe: and I’ll see you there when you don’t

Ronnie: when im not fucking either of our flatmates

Joe: when you’re done being disappointed

Ronnie: when you prove yourself as not

Joe: you’ll see

Joe: I can’t show you over the phone

Ronnie: you could

Ronnie: im going nowhere on a bullshit promise cause im not a meff teenager

Joe: and I ain’t young enough to think that’s a good idea either

Joe: pictures not doing no favours

Joe: if you’re there and i’m there

Ronnie: big if

Joe: I never know where to be

Ronnie: newborn i heard you

Joe: something like that

Joe: if you can’t leave soph alone I’ll do my best begging 🥺

Ronnie: she cant leave you alone id be doing you a favour

Joe: true

Joe: wouldn’t wanna be caught doing that though

Ronnie: let you do the clean up after ive killed and ate her id be caught well fast for that instead

Joe: you’d get caught for being three times your size

Joe: she’s a big girl

Joe: you should share, be sworn to secrecy

Ronnie: doing her a favour i shouldve said

Ronnie: fuck all going for her

Joe: way to get in shape

Joe: she’ll appreciate us using her blood for something artsy on the walls

Ronnie: ill ask the basic white bitch i live with to give me a clue

Joe: 🍆 will be appropriate for her

Ronnie: 🐎

Joe: they might reckon she did it with her dying breath

Joe: very artist of her, dying how she lived

Ronnie: hurry the fuck up with your confession song if you want credit

Joe: you wanna hear me confessing so bad

Joe: but I might be able to hand that in so

Joe: hold on

Ronnie: it aint me whos a choir boy

Joe: ugh, I wish

Ronnie: cant chat shit about us having the same fantasies ive been touched by a old bloke wearing a dress and i dont rate it

Ronnie: standard surrounded by homos night out

Joe: yeah, and the nuns are never the hot kind

Joe: if they didn’t self-flagellate they’d be entirely uninteresting

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: yeah, it’s tragic being this bored/boring, say it ‘fore you have to bother

Ronnie: didnt invite you to no pity party and if thats where youre trying to get me to turn up to dont bother is right

Joe: you mean you don’t wanna talk about your feelings?

Joe: like you said, like being left alone with my own fucked up ones too much to try and start a therapy session

Ronnie: what fucking feelings dead above & below the waist like

Joe: dangerously close to sharing there

Joe: you got your 💉 already then?

Ronnie: wouldnt be this chatty if i had

Ronnie: unlucky you

Joe: I’m the one that wants to see you

Joe: so I’ll cope

Ronnie: cant even spell martyrdom proper so youve fucked yourself looking for a pat on the back off me by matching the definition up

Joe: i’ll just ring mum up yeah

Ronnie: your da if not but it wont have the same satisfying end for you like

Joe: 💔

Joe: validations the last thing i need

Joe: had a whole lifetime

Ronnie: you crawling back to me with a boner for the accent your mummys losing is the last thing i need

Ronnie: get on the scouse samaritans

Joe: don’t reckon that’s a job you’ll get any time soon either

Joe: ‘less the purpose is to make sure people go through with it

Ronnie: couldve fooled me if it aint what else is talking a sad cunts ear off about their problems gonna do

Joe: attention seekers anonymous

Ronnie: no need to meet you there i earned all them badges as a kid 🧷🩸

Joe: wouldn’t be caught 💀 obvs

Joe: keeping it secret adds another level of masochism anyway

Ronnie: does it fuck

Ronnie: keeps you feeling like a smug bitch you can still pass

Ronnie: miss me with that pussy shit

Joe: nah, that’s that i’m in control shit

Joe: it’s not that

Joe: the only thing you might be smug about is how oblivious everyone chooses to be

Joe: if it weren’t also depressing as fuck

Ronnie: dont give em the choice

Joe: why?

Ronnie: why the fuck would you want to

Joe: don’t need to be my mother’s next cause celebre

Joe: she can force the therapy and concern on any of the others, I don’t wanna get better or have to fake like I’ll even try

Ronnie: then dont

Ronnie: cut off your umbilical cord and wipe up the blood trail

Ronnie: not like she tries very hard to herd back the black sheep

Joe: maybe they know and don’t give a fuck 🤞

Joe: I know I ain’t going back so whatever

Ronnie: & you reckon weve got anything in common

Joe: just 50% of our DNA

Joe: never said we were twinsies

Ronnie: if youd have said id have spat in your face 1st time we met get it collected and the tests run

Joe: I wish

Joe: has your face healed

Ronnie: wheres the fun in letting it do that

Joe: 😏

Joe: we can pretend that’s inherited if you need

Ronnie: not 5 i dont play pretend

Joe: if you keep digging, reckon the ink will be gone and it’ll be pure scar tissue

Ronnie: calm the fuck down i can hear how turned on you are about it from here

Joe: spoilsport

Joe: just thinking, scar that only vaguely looks like 🍒s might be well more rugged for my transformation from baby to independent real boy

Ronnie: laughing cos i like pain not cause youre funny

Ronnie: when you see or hear it from wherever youre lurking

Joe: you don’t leave room for me to get the wrong idea, you’re alright

Joe: all them fucked ones are mine alone and already there

Ronnie: get your girlfriend to draw you a pin up & dont tell her youve changed the lass horse head to look like your mas

Ronnie: masc for masc in your bio before you know it and 🦋 tramp stamp to follow

Joe: you know my dad already has a tattoo that looks like her, no bullshit

Joe: and another dead girl on the other arm but that’s a whole other boring story

Joe: playing dress up is off the cards too if I’m ever gonna be a big boy

Ronnie: where do you keep his severed arm when youre not using it to fist yourself and how old were you when you cut it off

Ronnie: if we re telling stories

Joe: 😂

Joe: where we keep the horse

Joe: that en-suite is massive

Ronnie: if he finds out it was a paid gig ill know where to crash

Joe: still gutted she don’t wanna see you naked

Ronnie: youre a liar if you dont wanna see her face seeing me

Joe: don’t know if anyone could be bothered to look at her when you’re about but yeah

Joe: the trauma would really fuel me and make her much more bearable to live with

Ronnie: youre welcome like

Joe: gotta stop being nice to me

Joe: you know stalkers, give ‘em an inch

Ronnie: telling me what to do is the fastest way 🖕

Ronnie: and i know you dont have an inch to give me making the best of this shitshow is what an optimist like me has gotta do

Joe: obviously you’re that type

Joe: not having it in common will have you back 👍

Joe: you’re inspiring, like

Ronnie: chop off my arms and legs and get a camera set up in the en-suite

Joe: you’d fit in my cello case then, could take you everywhere

Ronnie: course youve had a measuring tape out

Joe: hate to kill your optimism with 🍆

Joe: have a go at pushing it back in

Ronnie: how longs your tongue reckon that could kill any girls optimism

Joe: 💔 if it was only good for chatting your ear off

Ronnie: [send him a picture of your weird gross split tongue because obviously]

Joe: [how does that not make you lisp, or does it, I always think that]

Joe: that’s why you’ve not had an invite

Joe: 🚫🐍

Ronnie: gutted

Joe: you know you can show up and do whatever you wanna do whenever

Joe: I’ll take you back

Ronnie: this performance art is meant to what just scare her or teach you how to get her to back the fuck off as well as

Ronnie: im not a fucking tour guide mckenna & you can get yourself evicted without my help

Joe: you know I meant to Dublin

Joe: don’t think it’d take much to scare Sophie off, give it a month for us to both get comfortable and she’ll see what I ain’t

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: I said if you want

Ronnie: dont need your permission to do anything i want

Joe: don’t think any of ‘em are that lax with their socials

Joe: you’d need directions

Ronnie: ive had years to find em & we dont both hang about with horse girls from kent

Joe: can’t say it’s your loss

Ronnie: shut up about it then

Joe: 🤐

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: got a whole fist here, you can keep it

Ronnie: sizeist

Joe: told her yours is massive like you said, it’s fine

Ronnie: i said bigger than his not a horse shes in for a disappointment

Joe: gotta 🤞 she’s an optimist like you babe

Ronnie: unlike you shes gonna wait to see what i do with it before telling me to shove it

Joe: you just wanna blueball me for the pain

Joe: go on, for your lols

Ronnie: she wont want me at all unless youre gonna watch

Joe: and you need a witness so I get time too

Joe: I’ll do it, torturous as it’d be

Ronnie: the iou is gonna torture me too

Joe: if you’re lucky

Ronnie: not the dna half we share 💔

Joe: damnit

Joe: what’s good about being Scouse?

Ronnie: now the beatles are dead youve got fuck all to live for

Ronnie: noted

Joe: only the good ones

Joe: I dunno, anything good about it never happened, left when I was a kid and we still lived in a shithole with shitheads

Ronnie: get in line she left me in a shithole with shitheads 1st

Joe: where were you

Joe: wonder how close it was

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: it makes her more/less shitty depending

Ronnie: it aint gonna change my opinion and I dont give a shit about yours

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: get cosy with charlie hed take you down memory lane

Joe: not before he’s got it out for the art class tah

Ronnie: you didnt say when

Joe: [probably an evening class like tomorrow or the next day, then the same time a week later]

Ronnie: too fucking late the pen is in pieces

Joe: sure it isn’t the first time you’ve left him a note in blood

Ronnie: hes only gonna cry about it & take the shine off his modelling debut

Joe: awh

Joe: message him 🧓🏼

Ronnie: fuck off calling me old

Joe: 😏

Ronnie: ill write him a note blaming what a twat you are for what hes gonna walk in on

Joe: what mess have you made

Ronnie: havent killed myself yet

Joe: and you’ve not stopped talking so no OD’ing

Joe: possibilities are endless still

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: come out

Joe: we can get new ink to dig out

Joe: whatever

Ronnie: you gonna suck his dick this time

Joe: I’ll just pay the old-fashioned way

Ronnie: flashy cunt

Joe: what being a student is all about

Ronnie: and youre too special to poison your blood how the rest of em do

Joe: I’m not opposed but I can do it alone, I don’t need to go to a sweaty student bar that plays shit songs and has a load of sad Soph clones giving it 🥺

Ronnie: you can get another tattoo without me holding your hand

Joe: I could

Ronnie: go do it 🦋 baby

Joe: have mentioned its not about the tat, yeah?

Ronnie: nah not that ive heard

Joe: come on

Joe: i want to see you, i’ve said loads

Ronnie: youve said loads of shit yeah

Joe: shit i mean

Ronnie: why

Joe: why wouldn’t I

Ronnie: thats your answer then fuck it

Joe: you don’t need to ask ‘cos you know

Ronnie: i did ask and you said why the fuck not

Ronnie: like its nothing

Ronnie: like you didnt turn up uninvited into my life not long ago

Joe: then tell me to leave

Joe: like it’s that easy

Ronnie: i didnt tell you to fucking appear

Ronnie: just cause youre a kid dont make me the dead fish you won at the fair

Joe: I never had the choice

Joe: she told me about you, talked about you all the fucking time

Joe: you’ve always been in my life

Ronnie: and youve never been in mine

Ronnie: im not gonna carve out a place for you now cos you want it

Joe: Alright

Joe: do it then

Ronnie: dont tell me what to fucking do

Joe: I’m not going unless you say it

Ronnie: no shit this is fun for you

Joe: like fuck it is

Ronnie: im the car wreck youre craning your neck to keep looking at

Ronnie: thats all the fuck this is

Joe: lie better

Ronnie: you dont care about me or what this feels like

Joe: I can’t take it back, you know now

Ronnie: you dont wanna take it back

Joe: I can’t, what’s the point pretending

Joe: I never said I was a good person

Joe: being sorry won’t change anything for you

Ronnie: its all your christmases & birthdays im west as this course youre gonna keep on spinning me out

Joe: Piss off

Ronnie: lie better cunt

Joe: So you’re allowed pity parties, yeah?

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: calling you out on your bullshit is allowed if youre crying thats your problem

Joe: if all you want from me is for me to go away, consider it done

Joe: you can’t hack it, my apologies

Ronnie: tell me why if im so fucking wrong

Joe: I like you

Joe: I want you, to get to know you

Joe: I can’t just stop it, not for myself

Joe: So make me

Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: you ain’t saying anything

Joe: what do you want

Ronnie: I dont want you to like me

Ronnie: fuck is that

Joe: yeah, it’s obvious you go to great lengths to be unlikeable

Joe: not going to tell no one am I

Ronnie: so hate me soft lad

Joe: I’ll give it a go

Ronnie: ill make you

Joe: give it a go then

Ronnie: where are you then

Joe: [give a location of somewhere near your flat ‘cos don’t need to actually set you on the flatmate rn and that’s likely where you were]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re just gonna show up however long that takes us without another word like !?]

Joe: [just so much eye contact ‘cos what you gonna say what you gonna do]

Ronnie: [definitely gonna take him somewhere sketchy as hell to the level that like Charlie doesn’t know we still go there/we’d never take him ever like you wanna get to know me okay bitch buckle up]

Joe: [can’t let you hook up or shoot up yet ‘cos chronological but go along with this obvs]

Ronnie: [it would make sense if you made out/almost hooked up though because the vibe for the next convo was very much oh fuck what are you doing here we didn’t mean to run each other like this but also v flirty]

Joe: [agreed, and allowed, it’s the obvious vibe but any untold drama can happen to stop you in whatever dodgy place so makes sense]

Ronnie: [literally and just because you can’t shoot up together yet does not mean either of you have to be in any way sober so]

Joe: [hundo, we’re not saying he’s never done a drug lol, he clearly abuses his prescription as is so like, there’s plenty to be done without going there]

Ronnie: [and if we wanted to we could say that you watch her do it here and now before you do it together anyway because you’d both get a weird kick out of that]

Joe: [tea, bet you did not see this coming for your uni experience lmao]

Ronnie: [meanwhile she’s old enough to have left, do you wanna grow up babe? No? okay]

Joe: [the way you’re rolling with this, we know you’re fucked boy but pop off]

Ronnie: [I can’t overstate how much she’d be doing the absolute most to try and scare him away like I dare you to go back on what you said]

Joe: [we know you’re not gonna, soz babe, is very rude how he’s just waltzed in but truly did not say we were a good person lol]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not either and also is here for it more than she will ever express until we’re literally years into this]

Joe: [hi your mother’s daughter, but no, you actually have a reason this is messed up but we’re into it from the off and not pretending, risky af strategy boy]

Ronnie: [is there anything we wanna say happens that has lasting-ish consequences other than the make out/ almost hook up ie a tattoo or a fight with injury potential or an arrest lol]

Joe: [hmm, the possibilities, maybe a fight to show you can, could be about anything, it’s that sort of place]

Ronnie: [that is such a mood I love it and yeah could literally be you’re a new face or could be her fault because of the aforementioned doing the most]

Joe: [totally, and that’ll be an easy way to separate you and not meet until the next convo]

Ronnie: [exactly dr phil]

[dopposhusband]

Which Hypmic boys could I fight and win

This is my official declaration of which hypmic boys I could kick the ass of and who would kick my ass, like real ass kicking, no hypmics because theyd all beat me because I cant rap :(. (Lets be honest the outcomes arent going to be surprising)

ICHIRO YAMADA could kick my ass, honestly, any fight with him is instantly going to become a 3v1 if his brothers are around. However, on the off chance they aren’t there, a fight with just him would still end with my loss, it’d just take a little longer. And since hes such a damn weeb he’d do that stupid anime trope thing where he offers me his hand to help me back up and Ill reluctantly accept it, then the rest of the series is us trying to figure out who we are to each other. Are we friends? Enemies? Lovers? I don’t know, all I know is that I can’t wait for the day he kicks my ass again. My win odds 3/10

JIRO YAMADA can and will kick my ass, it doesn’t take much to give him the will to fight, especially if it involves Ichiro. I don’t even have to have a bad relationship with Ichiro, hell I could just be spending a little too much time with him and Jiro would tell me to meet him outback. While I may not win physically, the moment Ichiro and I marry I will continuously remind him that I’m his brother-in-law now and if he keep being mean to me I will take away his switch. My win odds 2/10

SABURO YAMADA will get his ass kicked, look at this absolute nerd, this loser. Whats he gonna do?? Call me big words I dont understand?? While he was learning to read I was studying the blade, ha go back to the math Olympics, nerd. Although, beating up Ichiros youngest brother isn’t a good look so while Saburo won’t do it, his brothers will sure as hell kill me. My win odds 9/10

SAMATOKI AOHITSUGI will kill me, there is no ass kicking with him, hes a yakuza ffs???? HE like kills people for a living??? Like he threatens to kill the people who work under him??? You think he wont absolutely kill me for trying to start a fight??? Bruh? My win odds -10/10

JYUTO IRUMA will kick my ass, this guy is a corrupt police officer, Im sure hes had his fair share of Yakuza run ins. Im sure he has dealt with stronger people than me in groups, also speaking of corrupt like hell this guy is gonna fight fair. My only chances of winning against him is if I can take a chair against his head faster than he could to me. My win odds 1/10.

RIO BUSUJIMA would kick my ass so quick, hes also such a sweetheart, why would I ever to begin with??? Im sure he’d let me get a few hits in before I realize that they do absolutely nothing to him, then he’d knock me out in one go,,, Im sure Id wake up like half an hour later and he would have made me some scorpion soup and some lavender drink because the only reason I must've started that fight was because I was hungry. Of course I eat all of it because he deserves it, he made me such a nice meal after all. My win odds 0/10.

RAMUDA AMEMURA will get his ass kicked, but not by much, I may have the height and weight advantage but hes a lot faster. Honestly, he’d probably either out run me or exhaust me before I can really get to him. If I do get him, he def feels like the kinda person to go for the eyes so Im sure Ill at least be leaving the fight with a black eye. My win odds 7/10.

GENTARO YUMENO will get his ass kicked, this for some reason took a little bit to think about. Gentaro is another nerd although not on Saburo level, he is one of the few people in the hypmic world who can read. My win odds 8/10.

DICE ARISUGAWA will get his ass beat, in terms of ability to fight Im sure Dice can hold his own, I can totally believe he’s been in a few fights because his dumbass keeps going all in when he has no money. However, I am sick of lending him money and then having him come to my house half naked because he lost it all playing Poker, then for him to leave at 3 am after eating me out of all my food. Dont get me wrong, hes my friend but sometimes you gotta beat the shit out of your friend. My win odds 777/10.

JAKURAI JINGUJI would kick my ass, Jakurai is a very civil man so I doubt he would ever get into a real fight with me. Hes a doctor so Im sure he could hit me in just right place to subdue me, a very good man and Im terrible for going after him. An update, I got far enough in the manga and he really does subdue people with body water or whatever. My win odds 0/10.

HIFUMI IZANAMI will get his ass beat, Hifumis talents include sewing, cooking, cleaning and rapping about champagne towers. This man is not built for fighting, he is soft and I will absolutely destroy him. My win odds 9/10.

DOPPO KANNONZAKA will get his ass beat, he wouldnt really fight back if I did and he’d probably just apologize during and after it. I may come out completely unharmed but know that Im beaten emotionally, would you even call it a win? This poor man just wants to sleep and drink his lavender, why couldn’t I just let him rest. I love you Doppo and Im sorry. My win odds 10/10. 

SASARA NURUDE is a funny clown man honk honk 🤡. My win odds 5/10.

ROSHO TSUTSUJIMORI will get his ass beat, put me in the right setting, give our fight an audience and Im sure he’ll knock himself out. My win odds 6/10.

REI AMAYADO would kick my ass, fuck this guy. My win odds 0/10.

KUKO HARAI would kick my ass, Kuko is a wild animal, he is rabid with nothing to lose. With one bite from him, Ill have contracted rabies in its most prime and deadly form but hey I like to think I can get one punch in before I went rabid yknow? My win odds 1/10.

JYUSHI AIMONO will get his ass beat, but why would I?? he is an absolute babey??? I may beat him now but I will pay for my sins at the gates of hell.  My win odds 10/10.

HITOYA AMAGUNI will get his ass beat, stupid lawyer man, I could take you on, you absolute baboon, you will be obliterated by my hands. I will win simply because I want and deserve it more, but he will win the lawsuit when he sues me for aggravated assault. ooo i hate his stupid hair. My win odds 8/10.

[batfam-imagines]

I literally love your batfam writing so much, can I request something? Can batsis (biological daughter of Bruce) be adapted after her mum dies and she's obsessed with makeup and loves it so all the boys think she's shallow and conceited? But she's not? Thank you so much

Makeup

Tim flops on the couch beside his eldest brother, “Did yousee her room? She’s got a one of those makeup mirror things. The one with thelights in the mirror and all the drawers. When I walked by, she was filling thewhole thing up with makeup”

“Are you serious? Who needs that much makeup?”

“I don’t think Steph, Cass, and Babs have that much makeupcombined. I mean I know her mom was a model and all, but she must be stupid shallowand obsessed with her looks”

There’s a soft creak as the door open and both boys glanceup to see the newest member of the Wayne household standing awkwardly in thedoorway. “Hi, Alfred said that you two were in here … he said that you guys wouldn’tmind giving me a bit of a tour. I only know where my room and the kitchen is …”

Dick lets out a put-upon sigh and heaves himself off thecouch, “Yeah, come on, I’ll show you around.”

Y/N glances up at him when they’re passing one of the hugebay windows, “You know, you have beautiful cheekbones, they’d be perfect be forsome highlight. And Tim has some beautiful eyelashes, I have to use falsies ormascara to that kind of length. You know I have -”

“Not everyone needs makeup to feel good about themselves,Y/N”

She freezes for a few seconds before catching up to him, “Iknow. I don’t use makeup because I don’t feel good about myself. I use it becauseit makes me confident, it’s like a mask that helps me take on the world. Ienjoy makeup, I don’t need it, Dick.” Her eyes lock with his, “This familyshould know all about mask, right?”

Dick almost chokes out a disbelieving laugh, that’s definitelysomething he’ll need to bring up to Bruce but for now he’ll ignore it. “So, youhave all that different makeup, and spend all that money just because you likeit?”

“I actually get a lot of my makeup for free. I have a YouTubechannel where I teach people how to put on makeup, so different makeupcompanies will sometimes send me their new pallets or supplies for me to testout and review. Mom taught me to be confident in who I am, to love myself andothers based on who they are as a person. I try to help my followers becomeconfident in themselves while I’m teaching them how to do makeup” The older manjust continues to stare at her, “Maybe you shouldn’t judge people on their outwardappearance and try to get to know them first”

Y/N quickly walks the rest of the way down the hall andstraight into her room while Dick slowly makes his way back toward the livingroom where Tim is still sitting. “So how was it? Was she completely airheaded,or could she actually hold a conversation?”

“She actually seems pretty smart, like she had a reason forhaving so much makeup. I guess she uses it all for her YouTube channel, and tohelp other people gain confidence in themselves”

Tim quickly sits up, “Do you know what her YouTube name is?I want to look her up”

“I don’t know, just search her name, it’ll be her mom’s lastname”

Tim types for a minute, “I found her … holy shit, she hasover 8 million followers”

“You’re kidding me. She was telling the truth? Play one ofher videos”

The two boys play a random video from two months ago. Y/Ntalks about how it doesn’t matter how much makeup someone layers on their faceif they’re ugly on the inside it’ll show. She talks about just being confidentin everything you do and in believing in yourself. The boys end up watchingvideo after video. Watching as she does casual day makeup, or night out makeup.How sometimes her mom or friends will appear in the videos and she’ll do theirmakeup as well as her own and the guest will share their own words of wisdom.The last video the two end up watching is the most recent one Y/N had posted,dated for only a few days after her mother had passed away. It isn’t a makeupvideo at all, it talks about loss and figuring out how live life after losingsomeone so important. Y/N talks about Bruce, how her father who she’s never metintends to take her in and adopt her. Finally, it wraps up by saying that shedoesn’t know when she’ll be able to post again, or even if she’ll be able to answeranyone messages.

“Did we completely misjudge her and act like total assholesto a girl who just lost her only parent up until recently? We’ve both lost ourparents and we were total assholes to her just because we assumed she wasshallow and conceited, when really she just likes makeup and uses it to expressherself”

Dick groans, letting his head fall into his hands, “How dowe make this up to her?”

“Maybe we should follow her advice and actually get to knowher. I think … I think we should treat her like a member of the family insteadof like an outsider. We need to talk to Jason and Damian, you know they’ll cometo the same conclusion we did and yeah, Damian’s gotten a little better overthe years, but he still doesn’t have much a filter.”

“You’re right. I have a great idea. We should have a siblingmovie night, then we call all get to know her at the same time and she can getto know us. She won’t feel so alone here afterwards”

“Perfect! Just us tonight, and maybe next week we can getall the girls over here too?” Dick quickly nods his agreement, “I’m going totell Alfred and see if he can whip up some snacks for us. Can you call Jasonand get Damian?”

“Yeah, I got them. I really hope this works. We might havejust ruined our relationship with Y/N because we judged her over her makeup andnot her personality. We should know better, god we’re so stupid” Dick lets outa soft sigh and pulls out his phone, “Let’s just hope she can forgive us”

A voice clears behind them. Both vigilantes whip around,their eyes wide, having not even heard the door open, “You know, I’d forgiveyou a lot quicker if you’d apologize, that’s typically how these things works”

“Y/N, you scared the crap out of me!” Dick lets out a shakybreath, “I’m sorry … We’re sorry for judging you without getting to know you.We’ve known a lot of models and just kinda assumed that you were like all of them.I didn’t mean to judge you, or insult you”

“I understand. I’m a stranger coming into your guys house.You don’t know me, you guys didn’t even know I existed until recently, so ofcourse you’d assume things about me. That doesn’t make it right though, howeverI’m going to forgive you this time. I want to get to know my new brothers, solet’s put this behind us, okay?”

Tim grins, “Thank you. So we were gonna have a movie nighttonight, the four of us guys and you if you want. A way for all of us to get toknow you and for you to get to know us … if you want”

Y/N grins, “I’d love to, that sounds like fun … but we NEEDto have some kettle corn for the movie and some cookies”

Both guys snort, “I thought you were all into the healthy lifestyleand being the best you can be? That’s what your videos said”

“That’s what some of them said, but then I also say that it’sokay to indulge as long as you do it in moderation. So, I’ll be going to the gymtomorrow, but tonight we can watch movies and eat what we want”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll call Jay and go talk to Damian”

“I’ll go ask Alfred if he can make cookies, you haven’t hadthe chance to try Alfie’s cookies yet, Y/N. They’re amazing!”

[writingsofadream]

Masterpiece | Part II

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Story : He’s looking for heartbreak and inspiration, and you’re just looking for a new laptop.

Set during the writing and recording period of Love Yourself: Tear. Involves angst, fluff, and smut. Multiple chapter series. 5.9k words in this part :)

♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬

Staring at the stranger beside you indignantly, you couldn’t help but show your surprise at his words. This earns a smirk from him, which you can’t decide if you love or hate. 

“I’ll buy it for you, Y/N. If you’ll let me buy you a coffee too.” His words follow the smirk just as confidently, and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. The dingy store’s owner gives a low whistle of disbelief, seemingly just as confused as you were.

“What’s your name?” You demand, crossing your arms to close the open air between your body and his. His hard, no doubt fit body…he certainly wasn’t chubby like the blonde guy. 

“Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” At this, he extends his long-fingered hand to you, waiting for you to slip yours into his. Swallowing, you reach out and grip it lightly. His hand is cold, and smooth. His skin seems to electrocute yours, and after a moment in his firm grip you wrench your hand back. 

“And why exactly are you buying me a laptop, Mr Min Yoongi?” You arch an eyebrow, pulling your arms back into a somewhat stern cross again. It feels childish and no doubt looks it too, judging by the amusement dancing in his deep, dark eyes. 

“Because I’d like to interview you, and paying you for your time seems only natural. Plus, I have the money for it.” He throws the last sentence out like an easy addition, shrugging his shoulders naturally. 

“Yea, I noticed the ring.” You scoffed at this, unable to hold it back at how ridiculous it was to be smug but not show your wealth until someone asked. What a…snob? 

His jaw hardens and a sliver of the amusement drops from his eyes. Whoops. He breathes in deeply before addressing you again. The words that come back out sound no longer lighthearted, but annoyed. 

“Look, take it or not, I don’t care. Just make your mind up. Either I buy it for you and get that interview, or I can pay for it and walk away with it. I was here first.” His gaze is intent on you, and you feel your cheeks become hotter with embarrassment. How did you always manage to make yourself seem like a fool, you thought to yourself quietly. No wonder you’d been single for over a year; you didn’t give off good girlfriend vibes, whatever the fuck they were. 

“I’ll take it.” The words are out of your mouth before you can properly consider it, and once they were out they sat in the cold air of the shop. A smile crept across Yoongi’s face, and then the shop owner broke the thick silence. 

“So, Yoongs, I’ll ring it up?” Yoongi nods to the man, and peers at you as though inspecting you. Feeling as though you’re compelled to say something, you clear your throat and thank him. He shrugs again, as though buying strangers laptops was something he did all the time. You were certain it wasn’t. Somehow, between his dark clothes, demeanour, and his steeled gaze, you didn’t pick him for the type of guy to hand out MacBooks like Oprah. 

“Where are we having coffee?” You direct towards his shoulder, as he faces the machine to swipe his Platinum credit card. Without glancing back at you he answers, throwing the words over his shoulder in your general direction. 

“Wherever you want, Y/N. My shout.” The last two words come out with a wink, and he tugs his card from the machine and faces you once again. 

“Here you are, Y/N. I’m Chaen, by the way.” The store’s owner hands you the bag with your new laptop in it, a grin on his face though still obviously a little confused. Thanking him and promising to come back next time you needed anything electrical, you took the bag from his hands and made your way out of the store. Yoongi followed behind you, shaking the man’s hand as though they were good friends. Grabbing your raincoat from the stand, you pushed the heavy door open into the small alleyway. Noting the rain had stopped, you shoved it into the bag with the MacBook box. It was still overcast and chilly, so you were thankful for the warm jumper you’d been smart enough to pick out. Whipping around, you faced Yoongi and bit your lip. Where should you two even go? He seemed to be thinking the same thing as he stared at you, clearly waiting for you to voice your decision. 

“The cat cafe.” Pleased with your decision, you attempt to throw a friendly smile his way, only to be met with a bemused one. 

“A cat cafe?” He laughs. “I could’ve guessed, Y/N.” 

___

Why had he invited her? Well, he supposed, she was as good as any person to ask. A pretty girl like her? Surely she’s had her heart broken by some obnoxious jock at least once in her lifetime. And if he wasn’t any good at the questions, it was only a loss of a few thousand won that he wouldn’t miss. Plus, he would know not to do any more of them. That’s what this is then, he decided. An experiment. 

She sits across from him, a white and brown kitten on her lap. Sinking into her oversized lilac jumper, the kitten seems to be falling asleep, much to her delight. Looking down at the little animal and stroking its small ears with her delicate fingers, Yoongi feels something tighten in his chest. A strand of her hair falls into her eyes and she tucks the unruly piece back behind her ear. Looking up, she meets his eyes and he coughs in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his blatant staring.

“So, what’s this interview anyway?” Her voice is pretty and light, and Yoongi thinks for a second before answering. He has to be careful with what he says, especially since she seems unaware of who he is. She’d been a little confused at being ushered to the back and tucked away in a little booth - luckily he’d managed to convince her the rest of the cafe was too loud to record properly. 

“It’s for a project I’m doing. On heartbreak.” She cocks her head and furrows her brow a little at this. 

“Oh…and they’ll just be a few questions, then?” Yoongi nods at her question, perhaps a little too enthusiastically as she scoots herself and the kitten towards the window. Shuffling over so she’s directly facing him again, he tries to set her mind at ease.

“I just need reliable answers and it won’t take that long. I promise.” She seems convinced, or just like she’s giving up. Settling back into the plush of the booth, she sighs and closes her eyes for a moment. Yoongi watches her, enthralled by the way her delicate collarbones peak out from the top of her jumper. She opens her eyes again, and his own jump back up to her face. 

Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans he pulls out his phone, opening the recording app and setting it in between them. Pressing the record button, he starts.

“So, Y/N, have you ever had your heart broken?” 

__

He’s pulled his hoodie back, and you can see now that his hair is black and makes him even more fucking handsome. His question is calm and controlled as he watches you from across the small booth’s table. Nervously stroking the kitten in your lap, you paused before answering.

“No.” He doesn’t seem pleased by your answer, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat. As he does, his hands lay out on the table and his jumper is pulled up. Sitting on his wrist shines a Rolex, brand-new and gleaming. You instantly reach out to touch it, stopping yourself just before making contact.

“Is that a Rolex?” You ask, eyes wide. You hadn’t actually ever seen one in real life before, and no one you knew owned one, that was for sure. In fact, you weren’t entirely sure anyone bought them other than celebrities and business men with too much time on their hands…or rather, wrists. Definitely not dark, brooding guys like the one sitting across from you. 

“Yea, it’s a Rolex. Says so on the face.” His smart-ass comment and smirk annoys you, and you pull your hand back quickly. He definitely was fond of smirking, you’d give him that. Frustratingly, it made him even more attractive. 

“I can read.” Your retort sounds stupid as it leaves your mouth, and you regret it instantly. Hurriedly, you switch the conversation back to what it’s supposed to be about. 

“Why heartbreak?” Your question seems to puzzle him, and his eyes leave yours to look out the window into the pouring rain. Outside, the trees swayed heavily with the weight of the wind, Seoul’s streets a mix of green, grey, and various lights shining through the haze. It was beautiful. 

“Why not?” He’s turned his attention back to you now, resting his chin in his pale hand. It framed his face, and for a spilt second you wondered what they’d look like around your neck. Shaking the image from your mind, you motioned for him to explain.

“Love is a difficult emotion. That’s all.” He brushes it off nonchalantly, then turns the questioning back around.

“What do you do for a living? Between school, that is.” His question doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his chosen topic, but you answer it anyway. Lucky for him, you’re starting to feel a little more comfortable in the warm cafe. The kitten on your lap purrs softly, the hot hazelnut mocha relaxing you. 

“I work at a cafe. It’s a little quaint, but it’s okay. It’s the best I can do for now.” Hoping he’ll leave your life at that, you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it.

“Do you like working there?” His face seems genuine, and the question is natural enough. You shift slightly in your seat, and the kitten stirs. 

“I do and I don’t. I guess it’s just one of those things.” The kitten bounces off your lap, and you pout a little as it prances across the cafe to a couple walking in from the rain.

“One of those things?” He really won’t give up, will he? You look down into your coffee, bringing it up to your lips for a quick reassuring sip. 

“Yea. Life. Have to get money somehow.” He sips his coffee, which he took black, unsurprisingly. Setting it back on the wooden table, he licks the drink from his lips. You instinctively stare at his mouth, the way his tongue darts across the soft pink. Feeling a familiar warmth in your crotch, you bring your eyes swiftly back down to the brown beverage in your hands. 

“I love what I do. Do you want to see?” You peer up at him. What the fuck? That probably wasn’t safe, right? Then again, you couldn’t help but be intrigued by his proposition. Besides, you had nothing better to do, and the man did buy you a MacBook. 

“We can continue the interview there, if you like.” Your answer is greeted by a gummy smile, and he suddenly looks soft and inviting. Just as quickly as it appeared, though, it’s snatched away as he brings his mouth back to a smug, subtle smile. 

“Cool. I’ll call a taxi.” 

__

Why was he bringing her back to his studio? He had no fucking clue. As he paid the taxi driver and stepped out into the rain, he pulled his hoodie back onto his head. She reached into the MacBook bag for the scrunched-up raincoat, wrapping it around her body but leaving the hood down. Maybe she just didn’t care about how she looked, he thought, and the rain started to wet her hair. Grabbing her arm, he tugs her into the building. Unmarked, BigHit logos are nowhere to be seen. The company had agreed to keep it clear of anything that would bring attention to the building that held all their personal studios; that way they could work in peace, without the incessant fans and management. Keying in his personal code, the door swung open. The lobby inside was marble and modern, and he heard her gasp at the presentation of it. He hated it, to be honest. It felt cold and uninviting, though ironically people said the same about him. 

Walking up to the elevator, he pressed the button to his studio’s floor. In fact, all the boys’ studios were on the same floor. It was a big fucking floor. 

The silence in the elevator was palpable, but Yoongi simply felt like he didn’t know what to say. She was chewing her plump bottom lip, and between her slightly damp hair and delicate features he felt stumped on what to say. Usually he never wanted to say much at all, but now he kinda longed to say something to her. It’d be great if he just knew what to say.

He wasn’t sure why he’d suggested it, like the cafe, but he definitely wanted to show her what he did. That much was clear. He liked her sense of humour, her way of putting things. She seemed almost…whimsical. 

The ping of the elevator jerked him from his thoughts, and he pointed out into the extending hallway. 

“Those are a lot of rooms. Which ones is yours?” She looks at him, eyes wide at the length and breadth of the expensive-looking way ahead. 

“Follow me.” He sounds smooth and his pitch is normal, thank god. For a second he thought he’d choke on his words looking into her eyes. He wanted to fuck her, dammit. 

__

Walking into the room was a stark contrast from the marbled floors and walls of the rest of the building. It was unlit, save the grey light of the late afternoon rain shining in from an open window on the end wall. There was a couch, big enough to double as a bed pushed against one of the walls. The rest of the room contained computers, a keyboard, microphones, and a whole array of other recording devices you couldn’t even begin to guess at. The monitors were massive, and when Yoongi shook the mouse the screens displayed various softwares, all seeming to do with music. He ran a hand through his hair, then turned back to look at you. He looked almost nervous, as if searching for your approval, and you felt that feeling in your stomach again. Lit up in the grey, rainy light and the soft white of the screens, he was so good looking you thought you might pass out right there and then. Instead, you felt arousal prick at your body. Fuck. Trying to push it away, you finally spoke.

“You’re a musician?” His shoulders relax, and he leans back against the desk on a rare spot that isn’t covered in sheet music and other scribbles of paper. 

“And a producer. I’m in a group.” He points at the small couch underneath the window. “Wanna finish the heartbreak and shit interview?” 

“I hope it doesn’t involve literal shit.” The joke is bad and poorly timed, and you cringe at the bluntness of it. “Sorry, my jokes are…well, shit.”Surprisingly, he bursts out laughing. You join him, releasing some of the tension in your shoulders as the two of you fill the air with the sound. 

“Nah, no shit.” He walks over to the couch, clearly amused. Plunking down, he pulls his phone back out again. As you sit down next to him, you accidentally read the top message on his screen as he turns it on and goes to lock it. It’s from some guy named Namjoon, and the only words you made out were ‘tear’ ‘soon’ and something about dinner with the guys tonight. Interesting, you thought. So this Yoongi guy apparently has at least two friends, Chaen and this Namjoon. And who were the rest of the guys? Before you could think more on it, though, he turned to face you. 

“Can I propose we do something else instead?” He looks nervous again, but this time his eyes are…fixed. He knows what he wants. His stare runs through your whole body, and you push back a little further away from him. 

“What do you suggest?” Your voice is barely a whisper as his eyes cut through you, trailing down from your face over your breasts and down to your hands in your lap. Bringing them back up, he stares at you intently from his spot just a metre away. 

“I want to fuck you.” 

__

Yea, he’d just said it out loud. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Looking at her, watching her, showing her something so intimate to him. Her stupid little joke, her loud and shameless laugh. He wanted to fuck her, plain and simple. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually had a good fuck. It had been some girl from another idol group, and she’d been tight and compliant but…not quite what he’d needed. He’d booty called her a few times, sure, but things had ended once she’d figured out he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Of course he wasn’t looking for a fucking relationship, why the fuck would he?

__

You froze at his request, realising he said it in all seriousness. Shifting on your butt, you tried to push a little further away from him but your back hit the wall instantly. He spoke again, less intensely this time. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. It would just be sex, though. I’m not looking for anything, and don’t feel obliged because I paid for that laptop.” His words take a moment to sink in, you feel nothing but shock throughout your body. But then, something else creeps in. Those lingering feelings of attraction and lust all hit the critical points in your being. Basked in the grey of the rain, hearing it pour down outside, it mixes with the soft whirr of his computers and various electronics. Looking at Yoongi, wearing his black clothes with his black hair, his handsome face with a sensual expression. You couldn’t believe it. You were actually contemplating fucking him. 

He seems unnerved by your silence, and moves back on the large couch. 

“The back goes down and we can pull it out, so it’s like a bed. I sleep here sometimes.” His confession barely makes its way into your ears as you continually toss about his proposition. Over and over it whirls around in your head, but finally you start to think clearly. Why not? You hadn’t had sex in over a year, and this was one of the only days you hadn’t had class, study, or work in literally weeks. Why not take the opportunity, you thought. 

Heart pounding in your chest, you bolted your body towards him, practically throwing yourself on top. Inches away from his face, you nodded fast before you could back out. 

“Yes,” you heard yourself say, “I’ll fuck you.” There it was, that smirk of his. This time it was more implicit than the others, the presence of sex hiding behind it. 

“Just this once.” You add with a rush at the end, just to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas. He turns his smirk into a grin, then brings his smooth hand up to cup your face. His long fingers take a disobedient strand of hair, tucking it back into place with a calculated slowness to it.  

“Works for me.” He gives you a dark wink, then suddenly his hand is gone from behind your ear. Your skin feels hot where he’s touched it, and despite any reservations you had you felt your panties become a little wetter. Dammit. Your body was almost betraying you. 

Standing, he started clicking something on the side of the bed. You stood too, realising he was pulling it out so it could become an even larger bed. So you could fuck. 

Pushing you back with one arm, he grabbed the underside of the furniture and tugged hard. It pulled back from the wall, the back falling to become the top of a bed. Clicking the buttons back into place, he then reached up into a higher cupboard to pull pillows down. Throwing them down onto the plush now-bed, he also pulls down a single white sheet. 

In an instant, his lips are on yours. Kissing you hard, he places his hands on your hips and pushes you down onto the bed in a rush. Bouncing against the soft mattress, you both shimmy up to the top. He pushes a pillow under your head, still feverishly kissing you. He nipped playfully at your bottom lip, his hands now exploring up under your jumper. You could taste the coffee on his tongue, in his mouth, and no doubt he was tasting your hazelnut mocha. As he ran his tongue across yours you gasped a little, and he smirked against your mouth. You felt as though your whole body was on fire, particularly the spot between your legs. It felt like a distant, yet all-too-familiar ache. 

He shifted his hard body above you, moving his top half off your body. Pulling off his hoodie, he threw it to the side with abandon. Coming back down, he supported himself with his elbow beside your head. You bit your lip, expecting more hard and rough coffee kisses. Instead, he slipped a hand between your thighs, meeting the denim of your cuffed blue jeans. He groaned a little, closing his eyes for a split second before rubbing a little harder, hard enough to meet your pussy through the fabric. Suppressing a soft moan, you bit your lip a little harder, tasting a small amount of blood in your mouth. Pulling his hand from your jeans and between your thighs, Yoongi reaches up and pulls your bottom lip out from your teeth.

“Take off your jeans, now.” The ‘now’ is said like an order, and a shiver of anticipation runs through your core. He rolls off you, sitting next to you patiently. 

“Hurry up, Y/N.” That one was definitely said like an order. Unbuttoning your jeans with shaky hands, you pulled them off your body without a second thought. Throwing them to join his hoodie, he suddenly brings his body back on top of yours. 

“Good girl,” he whispers, hot breath in your ear tickling your senses. “You’re good at taking orders.” Fuck, his words ran from your ear straight down to your heat. His head comes back down, his lips pushing against yours again. Opening your mouth for him, the tip of his tongue curls around yours. Now, his free hand is running along your inner thigh, slowly making its way closer to your wetness. Each inch feels antagonising, and the closer he gets the more you feel as though you’ll explode without his touch. 

“Tell me what you want, baby.” His order is directed into your mouth, and you murmur back quietly. 

“Touch me.” You don’t have to elaborate; Yoongi gets the message. His long fingers start to rub you through the thin fabric of your panties, and you moan against his swollen and wet lips. Through half-lidded eyes he brings his mouth from yours, his lust-filled eyes staring right into yours. It sends a twitch through your whole body, and he presses harder with his fingers. The pleasure is intense but manageable, just hard enough to feel good but not hard enough. He’s teasing you. 

“Press against me.” He utters the words so lowly you could almost swear you’d imagined them if you hadn’t seen his soft lips shape out the words. Every nerve in your body is electric, tingling. Rolling your hips, you push harder against his hands and he rolls his fingers less gently. The pressing feeling becomes more intense, and you whimper against his touch. 

“You’re so fucking hot.” His words are said roughly, and he latches his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck. He sucks hard on the skin, and you can’t hold back the deep moan that comes up from your throat. The sensation of his sucking paired with the rubbing friction of his fingers pushing your panties against your clit bring you close to the edge, and you know he can sense it. His mouth leaves your skin with an audible pop, and he looks down at his handiwork with a gleam in his dark eyes. 

“That’s gonna leave a mark.” You press harder against his hand, getting closer and closer to your peak. Slowly, he runs his hand away from your soaked panties and back down your inner thigh, and you let out a dissatisfied grunt. Dropping your hips back down to the mattress, you hum against his ear.

“Not gonna let me cum?” You’re bold, but you don’t care. You catch his lobe in your mouth, running your tongue over it and around his piercings. You hear his sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, and his hand hovers over your inner thigh. Without warning, he slaps it. Not hard, but hard enough for you to bring your mouth away and yelp softly. He chuckles, nuzzling into your neck a pressing down a kiss. 

“Not yet, baby.” His words vibrate against you, and he lets his teeth graze over your new hickey. Already turning a dark shade of purple, it was very…him. 

He starts kissing his way down your body, making his way to your collarbones before grabbing the end of your jumper and pulling it up your torso. Arching yourself against the bed you lifted your arms up, allowing him to pull the jumper from your body. Beating him to it, you reached under yourself and unclasped your bra, pulling it off your arms and throwing it off somewhere onto the floor. He started down at your breasts, looking mesmerised and hungry. That tantalising smirk returns to his lips, and he wastes no time in latching his lips to your right nipple. Rolling the hard bud around with his tongue, he flicks at it and pulls the other with his hand. They’re erect at his movements, and he runs his tongue over your breast moving down to your stomach. Kissing past your navel, he reaches the line of your panties and breathes out softly against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Hooking his index fingers into the waistband of your panties, you feel the cold of his silver ring against your skin. He pulls the fabric down slowly, and you close your eyes to savour the moment. Slipping them over your feet, you hear them join the rest of the clothes on the wooden floor. Daring to peak your eyes open, you look at Yoongi perched on the edge of the bed, looking directly at your pussy. His mouth was open a little, his eyes hazy, and his breath was long and deep. He glanced up at you, and you started to shut your legs. 

His hands instantly grab your thighs, pushing them back apart. He winks at you, and chuckles lightly at your sudden display of modesty. 

He pushes you further up the bed, and you adjust the pillow under you. Between your legs, Yoongi brings his mouth closer and closer to your wet and waiting cunt. Then, he licks you. 

The wetness of his tongue brushing against your clit softly brings a moan up through your lips, and you press against him a little harder. He obliges, softly licking longer strokes until he’s passing over your hole with each one. Sucking on your clit, he brushes a finger against your opening, holding your right thigh back with his other hand. He starts to suck harder, and you mewl in pleasure at the feeling spreading from your lower half. 

He slips one, long finger in, reaching his knuckle then curling up inside you. As he swipes your g-spot, you grip the white sheet hard in your fists. Arching your back, you push your pussy closer to him, begging him to give you what you need. The bastard grins before sucking hard, so hard you clit sends shockwaves through your body at the sensation. Locking your thighs around his head, you start to pant and let out a whispered curse as you feel yourself reaching towards your climax. 

He slips another long finger in, stretching you a little as you realise how much you’ve missed the feeling of sex. And this was already the best fucking sex you’d ever had. 

Slamming and curling his fingers inside you, Yoongi sucks relentlessly against your swollen clit. Like a champagne cork popping from a cold, fresh bottle into the air, you cum hard around his fingers. Pushing back against the sheet, you can’t stop the heavy flow of moans that leave your mouth as he continues to suck you gently through your orgasm. Curling your toes, your eyes roll back a little as you let it completely take over your whole body. Every inch of you feel intense, electric, dangerous. 

As you come down from your high, he pulls his lips from your pussy and withdraws his fingers. You feel empty without them, but exhausted from the experience. Looking at him, you see your juices glistening wetly around his mouth and on his chin, Swiping with the back of his hand, he wipes it off, giving you a cheeky grin and looking down at you heatedly. 

“Get on your hands and knees.” His voice is breathless but commanding, sultry-sounding to your ears. His black jeans are tight, his cock obviously swelling against the rough material. Seeing you staring, he cocks his head to the side with a smile. 

Without a word, he slowly undoes the top button of the jeans. The zipper follows, the noise crisp in the air. Your breathing is still heavy, and you lick your lips at the sight of his bulging cock pressing against his black Calvins. He slips the jeans down first, and they pool down at his knees. Then, he teases you with a knowing look and he tugs down his underwear, his dick bouncing out. Holy. Shit. 

Remembering his order, you flipped yourself onto all fours, pushing a pillow under your elbows. Feeling nothing, you look back over your shoulder at Yoongi. He’s pulling his wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans, fishing a condom out of one of the compartments. Wishin a couple of heartbeats he chucks the wallet to the floor, ripping open the foiled packet. Staring, you felt yourself get even more turned on at the sight of him rolling it down his length, all the way to the base. Seeing you watching, he moved forward and grabbed your hips roughly, jolting you back. He slapped your ass, lightly. 

“Can I slap your ass hard?” The question is new to you, something you’ve never really done with your exes. Without hesitating or thinking, you agree. You want it. You want it so fucking badly. 

The slap to your ass stings, and you cry out a little but bounce back towards his cock. You hear the soft murmur of “fuck” escape his lips, and he smacks you again. This time is harder, enough to bring tears to the corners of your eyes. As if knowing this is enough, Yoongi runs himself along your soaked slit, making sure to rub over your abused clit. Grabbing the pillow hard, you push back against him in a desperate attempt to have him finally fill you. 

Grabbing your ass cheeks and squeezing hard, he pulls your body back and buries himself in your pussy. Slamming in all the way to the hilt, you both exclaim loudly at the explicit feeling. You moan sensually, while he grunts deeply. He doesn’t take more than a second, knowing you can handle it, before he’s slamming in and out of you hard. The slapping sound of your bodies meeting fills the studio, matching your moans with each harsh thrust. Gripping your hips, his fingers dig into your flesh as you bounce against him. 

“Holy…fuck” you manage to gasp out, your eyelids fluttering at the feelings rushing from your core. He takes a hand from your hip and grabs a handful of your hair instead, pulling you even further back. His pulling is light, and doesn’t hurt your skull, but it’s enough to encourage you to move back harder. 

“I’m gonna fucking cum.” His words are said through gritted teeth, and you realise you’re closer to your second orgasm than you thought. Whispering “me too” into the thick air, you feel him drop your hair as he brings his hand down on your ass, slapping it harder than the previous ones. The mix of pleasure and pain brings you right over the edge, without him needing to even brush against your clit. Clenching around him, you cum, screaming your release. He reaches under you and grabs a handful of your tit as he finishes, banging in and out of your trembling pussy as it clenches him tight. He starts to slow as he rides out the end of his own orgasm, breathing heavily. His long breaths continue as he pulls out of you, hopping off the end of the bed. You feel a tinge of sadness at the loss, almost wanting him to have stayed in you; even if only for a few more minutes. Collapsing against the bed, you flip over exhaustedly and prop yourself up on your elbows. He pulls the condom off, scrunching his nose up at the feeling. You hold back a giggle at the his sigh of annoyance towards the rubbery mess. Throwing it in the bin, he makes his way back to the bed, watching you with a fondness you assumed could be accounted to the satisfying sex you’d just had. He rummaged through the clothes on the floor, bringing up your jumper and his underwear. Sliding them back on, he tosses you your jumper. 

“Just in case you didn’t feel comfortable staying naked.” He gives you a crooked smile and you return it, pulling the warm jumper back over your skin. You feel sore, your pussy stretched and your butt burning a little from his punishing slaps. You feel good, really fucking good. 

He crawls up into the bed, lying next to you on one of the extra pillows. You both slip under the sheet without a word, facing each other in the soft glow of grey floating in through the window. 

“It’s still pouring rain.” You say, hearing the drops falling outside in a calming torrent. 

“It is.” he says, smiling at you with softer, less harsh eyes. 

“Tell me more about yourself, Y/N.” Smiling and rolling your eyes at his predictable request, you snuggled deeper into the blanket, still facing him. 

__

Looking at the girl he had just fucked, with her messy hair, her jumper slipping off her shoulder, the blanket tousled around her body, and her head resting into the soft pillow while she told him about her frustrating housemate and workmate, Yoongi could only muster up three words to sum up his state of mind. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

[darrycurtises]

hey fam, do all of the aesthetic asks

thanks sun goddess ily

Flower Crown: when did you last sing to yourself

yesterday bc i always sing in the car, i think it was me putting “starman” “here comes the sun” and “ticket to the moon” on repeat the whole way home

Fairy Lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i’d like to know what the world will be like in like a century bc i worry about the world i hope she’ll be ok

Daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life

well i’m a seventeen yr old and not even one of the cool ones that compete in the olympics so its either like UH starting college @ 16 or being published in an official writing anthology

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?

last year when i went to busch gardens w my sister n my mom and i got to hold a penguin named Turkey ON MY LAP i have pictures to document this (i was chubbier back then tho no judgment)

Matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living?

yeah i wouldn’t be fucking living in florida and going to school id be using whatever money i could to travel overseas, and then i’d go on a big crosscountry roadtrip 

Black Nail Polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not an official one, just vague “i’d like to do x someday” things

Moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yes absolutely

Stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

last week i went to a funeral and i cried so much they got a picture w me sobbing in the background

Plants: pick a person to stargaze with you, and explain why you picked them

my best friend tomas probably because he’s the only person who wouldnt make fun of me for stargazing

Converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

BITVH NO LMAO I DONT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS !!

Lace: when was your last three am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

again, tomas, my best friend. about 4 days ago?

Handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one more person, what would you say and to whom?

oh man i dont even know

Cactus: opinion on brown eyes?

i have them and i love them. got my brown eyed angels all over the place. i know like three people w not-brown eyes 

Sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

Oil Paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

[Redacted]

Overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

id get new cars for my sister and mom bc theirs are v old like ten minutes to start and cough like a smoker old, and id pay my mom’s house off, pay off my sister’s student loans, deposit a lot to my grandma who’s living in an expensive nursing home, donate 2 houston, put away more for my college, lots of stuff

Combat Boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Yes and yes

Winged Eyeliner: write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self

I don’t need 100 words I just need to tell her to shut up, stop eating so much, try being friends w the girls you don’t like, they were actually nice, you’re not as funny as you think you are save your words for later and think before you speak. Also, thanks for attaching our self worth to our school performance, this isn’t sarcastic, its turning out really well for scholarships

Pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Leaning more towards pastel, but honestly the most accurate thing would be primary colors/

Tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I like them but not on me

Piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I usually do a quick face for school, but if im in the mood then I like to do the most just because im a teenager and im living in a time of really weird fashion and this is the only time in my life where I’ll be ballsy enough and free enough to buy and wear green eyeshadow. You think that’ll fly when im 30 w a 9-5 job? I think not. Lemme get it outta my system now, while I have ~~~being a teenager~~~ to blame it on

Bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

This is gonna sound really depressing but I don’t believe in love bc of the avett brothers song “January wedding. He was so in love with her when he wrote it and for years I was like “this is love theyre so in love” and then bam we get the true sadness album and January wedding gets followed by “divorce separation blues.” Who can be that in love with someone and then just. Stop. I don’t get it, love isn’t real.

Messy Bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

This is too much pressure

Cry Baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Ive seen the avett brothers 3 times and they were amazing every single time, just wowowow I got the “fuck it,  im standing up and singing” mood. Ive also seen boston and foreigner, which were also fun, but mostly bc of the 50 yr old stoners in the crowds.

Grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My papa, and I’d like it to say [classified] and maybe I’d like him to say [redacted].

Space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a permanent set up at the kitchen table from august thru may, and its perpetually in disarry.

White Bed Sheets: what is your night time routine?

Face mask, hair care, moisturizer, vanilla tea, set up the coffee maker for the next morning, pack my book bag, pray, bed.

Old Books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I’d like my mom not to know that she’s kind of annoying to watch movies w (it’d break her heart shes so sensitive aw) and id like my dad not to know where I live

Beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I have dyed my hair I went red for a bit but now its brown. Id never do anything that require I bleach it bc I love myself and wont do that to my head

Eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Id take my mom, sister, my friends [classified], [classified], and [classified] to new york w me so we can do horrible cheesy touristy stuff, and then I’d have them go w me on a cross country roadtrip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

If I tell u my wish it wont come true

Painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Its gonna be this year’s ive already perfected the make up im gonna be a mime and its amazing

Lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Literally nothing ive never gotten high bc it seems uhhh not fun, but ive gotten a lil drunk before (I don’t like to drink bc it makes my head hurt and it’s a lot of calories) but I get sad id be a sad drunk so I just cried.

Thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Anything thatd harm a person/animal. Never kill, never maim. If u handed me a gun and said “shoot a deer ill give you a million dollars” I couldn’t do it. If I had to break someones arm for a million dollars I couldn’t do it.

Storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, bc I love people, ill just listen to a podcast while I run I guess

Love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Not really, only a little bit of an “I’d like to love them” sort of thing

Clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Im a girl and id never rock short hair bc I don’t have the jaw for it, and I like my long hair to make my jaw look sharper

Coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I just get iced black tea bc starbucks coffee is ass, and id trust my mom. Not my sister or my friends bc theyd get me sugar in my tea instead of unsweet w honey

Marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

The things my life has revolved around for years lmao my loved ones and school

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 70

Seventy.

Life is going on. With ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Well life is mostly grey for me. 

As every day passes, i just realize more and more how much i love him. I really dont want to bluff about it but I just couldnt stop from typing it out because the realization blows my mind away. And one big reason is because I would never do what i did, or can do for him, and no one will ever mean anything even remotely close to how much he meant to me and will always mean to me. 

This might all just sound like a cheesy note any person in love would say but Oh God! trust me, this is what comes to my head after quite a good number of not-so-nice crap i have in my big fat head. So yeah! thats how i just know. This is not ever going away. And if I ever got a chance to re-live, i wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with anyone else, orrrrrrrrrrr id just wish I was alone. That’s pretty cool tooo!! lol 

Speaking of which. Yeah. I pretty much do enjoy my own company. I just dont like communicating much with people. for a lot of reasons actually. Well, to begin with. I believe im a really complicated person. LIke, everyone has their own story and theres something twisty about everyone and bla bla but then I really do thing Im just not that easy to understand, and to top all that, I dont even like opening up to people so thats more of a reason to not get me. I am kind of aware of the fact that i seem to have a lot of ego and seem to be filled with pride and arrogance. But thats not true, thats just how some people see me, and i cant blame them because i think that is something i mask myself with. However, many people do find me really sweet and all but whatever side anyone sees, its always clear, im not really interested in getting too close with anyone and that i appreciate my own space. Sometimes, i do wonder if i really do enjoy being on my own or i actually want some good friends. But then the thing is, i have really really good friends back from high school. the only thing is, theyre not in the same country, theyre far away. but then again, even when we were all on ksa, we still mostly communicated on social media and stuff so it shouldnt matter much i guess. what im trying to say is. despite all the misunderstanding people might have with me, or people actually finding me sweet or whatever. or me not liking them much or wanting them to be my friends or whatever. the thing is, its not that i dont have anyone at all. because i do have people who know me. they dont know every little detail about me though, and thats because i dont talk much to them either. but they know me as a person. like i dont need to kiss their ass to get their attention, i can be myself with them.. i can be mean, and rude, or not keep in touch or act like im full of ego, like im so full of my shit and theyd still accept me. because they know that thats just how i am. im not sugarcoated. 

But.. it still doesnt matter

What im saying is. I prefer sitting alone on my own. doing literally nothing. no phone. no laptop. no means of communication with the outside world OVER actually chatting with anyone. or even someone who knows me so well and is close to me. 

Ok man, i talk a lot! So yeah that’s the thing! but when we were together, i wouldve done anything to not miss a chance to talk to him lol - thats just an easy way to put it out there, that he was different. 

And also putting it out there how my life is right now. I prefer my own company. I dooooo badly wish i had a ‘partner’ though - an ‘eating partner’!!!!!! haha! I really wish i could go to restaurants with someone to try food randomly. But then. idk. i mean its not that easy to find someone who has the same love for food and aso someone whos willing to spend money to try food or someone whod be able to hang out with me. especially i dont even have any good friends in ksa right now Ugh

Another really important reason i dont like talking to people much is the commitment. I hate commitment!!!!!!! And when i say commitment i dont even mean something serious like being in some relationship. i mean.. even the smallest commitment. like when you even knock someone and the person expects you to reply fast. Like okay give me a break! We dint exchange vows or something, yth do i need to reply fast. or whyd you even expect me to reply fast like idk. do people just pause their lives and just talk to other people? bleh Im not even ready for that so yeah! 

buttttttttt then again - with him. it was SO different. but like i said. it was only him!!!!

Something cool was the fact that i had a dream of him the other day. we never met each other f2f after our last conversation, so him in my dream was the first time we met f2f which wasnt actual anyways!!! But!!! I was so full of attitude. Like I could totally see my facial expressions and go like. “Oh God Youuu” to myself! Im usually full of attitude in front of other guys, if i ever am, which is kinda rare. just saying! 

So i read his post about him going to bd and stuff, and i wont even lie about how i totally never like that. but then this time its different obviously. In many ways though. One way to look at it is how i just remembered about the time when he was in bd last year! ~~~ And the award for the roughest of all times goes to!!!! 

Now comes the part were I actually give the reason why I dont blog much! Well tbh i want to blog all the time. But then!!!! Who am i kidding???? Its obviously cause I want him to read my post and blabla so yeah I dont! I mean. I really want to, but i dont. The same way. Forget blogging man. I mean. In this generation, with all these advancements and i say, no barrier at all. If we could decide like two mature adults to stop talking for nothing but good intentions then i sure as hell can keep myself from blogging about every little thing, and keep my shit together, and only blog when my mind and my heart says that i got it in my hands and im not going to screw up! 

and so that would mean that anything i post about, is just a very little, incomplete detail of the entire story and i almost always will sugarcoat it a million times and put it up here! 

but like i said - every thing just ends with me realizing how in love i am with him and as long as that is how it ends, i like it. 

So “losing weight” is like the --aim of my life-- right now. Just that its so boring oh maa gawd - and so i end up watching suits. which is soooooo niiiceeeeee omgg. And i actually love the couple there. Mike & Rachel! - oh and also its kinda funny to me idk why but whenever i see any couple onscreen that i like, my inner me kinda teases me going like “sarah, you loser!!!!!” and then i look down from the screen for a second or two like an actual loser would doo and then yeah i just “laugh it away” - like silently! ~ No hard feelings!

umm.so yeah i was saying. The main thing is losing weight and i want to lose one kg a week WHICH I AM NOT BY THE WAY. so i kind of get sad from time to time and all, and then idk get ok with it, and then sad again and alll that. and then battling myself against food is there. Today though i kind of figured out that if i watch suits while on the treadmill ill kinda stay distracted, and it wont be boring anymore and ill be able to go somewhere i guess. 

so theres around 9 weeks left for uni to open and i wish vacation never ended but yeah lets just face reality. And about my brother, 6 weeks left.   So that means I wna lose around 9 kgs before uni reopens but its smart to kind of plan a bit more than you actually want so that if you dont totally achieve your goal youll still land somewhere good. if you know what i mean. 

Now there is a lot i want to say. SO muchh. But I cant be fooling myself. It would obviously be for him only. So Ill just hold everything back in!!!!!! 

But one thing I want the world to know

Everyone has their own problems and their own imperfection and perfections and whatever. But ever since I had my eyes on him, i knew he was different. infact that is exactly why i liked him in the first place. I dont wna go in depth with this but ill just say it in the simplest way I can. 

When I was with him, yes, I did pray for a fairytale story. But not an actual one. because those dont exist. I had my own modified version of a fairytale ending. And in their, everything was not perfect. Everyone was not perfect. there was pain, there were people who didnt know what they were worth. All I ever wanted is to be the person to be ale to mend hearts, to help someone find their way out from the sufferings, to be a part of someone happiness. And even though we are not together right now. I wish the same. I just wanted it to be through me before. Now it doesnt necessarily need to be, cause it definitely will be coming from Allah both ways inshaAllah. 

I pray he gets to see what I see in him. And what people see in him. And most importantly, what he sees in himself but fails to value at times. 

P.S. My family is excluded from consideration in this post. when i talk about people, i mean everyone else except my family.  --ALSOOOOO-- I just randomly sat down at 5am and decided to blog today and so i sat with my laptops and this is all what flowed outta me! 

A totally random post! 

BUT i do wna mention how the tumblr app on my phone s.u.c.k.s. Cant give notifications properly *&^&%&^$%&%*^(0

Bye c: 

[credulouscanidae]

🌠⚡️💛

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

full of sjws

LMAO but seriously…the world would be full of animals and plant life and all the bad people will be gone and all the shit of the world will be over. we’ll have our palaces, complete with dungeons, and both of us would be treated like the royalty we deserve to be treated like.

also there’s be lots of dogs

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

oh goddd it’d either be shapeshifting or the power to refill (which is inspired by a post i saw on tumblr many years ago). shapeshifting because!!!!! NO BODY DYSPHORIA??? I COULD TURN INTO MY KIN??? I COULD BE WHO I WANNA BE???? also the power to refill ANYTHING including bank account so id basically have infinite money B)

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

my younger self really needs to talk to me tbh, and i know theyd listen to me. i know this because even when i WAS younger, i had the drive to hug my even younger selves and be there for them, so i know that, for example, 14 year old me, would graciously accept my open arms. i think that we’d discuss what life is like now, and i’d tell them that good things are coming. i’d tell them that lots of bad things are also coming, but they’re going to get through it. because they DID get through it. they survived and they’re alive and living and breathing, at the age of 20. i wont give life spoilers, but they’ll know that every aspect of their life will change. id talk about the past too….what theyve already been through. id hold them so fucking tightly and just let them cry into me. id be there for them and id shower them with love. i want them to feel important because little riley spent too long not feeling important, and in fact, feeling like a monster. current riley STILL feels like this, but he’s combating much more efficiently.

[dwdelaney-blog]

jun2019

https://drive.google.com/open?id=11x5r-nikpIv6wON_KfauHwl0neh1eRjA

My name is Dennis.

I have been writing about a large group of people making my life miserable. It is the worst kept secret in america. I have paper notes written from about 15 yrs ago and the google site itself is around 10 yrs old. it is thousands of pages in text and includes audio notes and images as well as some video which is listed on youtube. there are slightly more than 400 or so different sites and the most recent sites are at monthly site addresses, ie may2019. the specific site of the most recent site is at https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneymay2019 and the first site is at https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaney/ . I ve tried to get peoples attention with the site and had hoped it might make the people that are doing this to me to stop, it hasnt. lots of other sites, wordpress, flickr, tumblr, google photos, instagram.

I had mistakenly thought i could shame them into stopping. I cannot. please help me.

5/24

Ive tried everything i can think of. I cant get an acct on twitter or snapchat or some of the other sites because i dont have a phone. I dont have a phone because i dont have any money. Ive been as clear and loud as i can possibly be. What ive been saying, ive been saying for along time. From what i understand, the defs are using the addiction frame as an excuse to make me live like this. They know it isnt true. I know it isnt true. The defs believe it doesnt need to be true in order to justify doing this to me. Ive written on this a lot, and for along time. I dont have anything to add here thats new. Some things have changed, perhaps. Regardless i will say what ive been saying. The po - . they busted hard. They knew theyd lose all along. Car talk - theyre on tape - on they radio. Talking about hitting me with chem. Not therapy. Not medicine. They arent fooling anyone with that nonsense. The evidence was cringeworthy good. Now the defs wont abide by the judgement. Po wont enforce because they are a named party. They are on the front page of the court documents. On the defendant side. They cant even pretend to be impartial. They dont have to. You cant police the police if theres no one to enforce the judgement. Wheres those handcuffs nancy. This thing has been going way too long. Before the legal complaint, 15 yrs ago. Before the page was started 10 yrs ago. The doj has changed administrations and tried to sabotage my case by influencing my individual actions and my thought process itself. I am subject to involuntary communication, i believe, while i sleep. I think this is i am kept, not just homeless, but outdoors homeless. I have reason to believe these communications have been used to attempt to weaken my case and used in combination with other strategies i encounter in my waking hour. The cocaine on the trash bags, back when i was led to believe that buying my food would risk forfeiting my case. This was itself used to bolster the addiction frame. Its worth pointing out im not addicted to anything, including cocaine, when maybe i should be. The fact that im not is the strongest possible evidence against the defs - and their bogus addiction. I ought to be suing the rouge partisans at doj for trying to get me addicted. Like those people making money off the opioid addicts. The people doing this to are not average people. They are experts in psychology and pain. That means chemistry, pest control, medicine and chemical warfare. It is particularly troubling that i believe dod, po, dod po which is mp are involved. Note esp rel b/t pols and dod - in ing - 33rd - esp il adj gen - and links to cl&e. Note esp austin is adj gen and ierc and scrp - politically this works w/ caths as well - as a social net that means kcs - and karl kemme - karlihker - etc. the link between the po and ing/scrp is strong - keen - gillette - all the evidence on spddefendants, scsodefendants, scrping, good example is sideshow bob, the knight mgr - social nets - get aux police status - chem - boesdorfer - steil was 3d shift - when he was pulled it gives a good window into the timeline. Note how things happen in sangamon county. All the names match up. Bob is russes brother - or his kid or something. Steil is irvs boy. The arson frame lets him mobilize ffs to hit me with chem as fire prevention. The shifts are 24 hrs - so they have lots fof time - xa clutzo - pest control - chem - note esp steil goes to iema - sticfusion - xa fema and iema - extraordinary powers - and note po and addiction frame - mrt and dirt - stone in derd - nix alums - team nix - chigop - rummy as rep - h/k - huizenga - note timeline on isp addiction - mrt - starts when i get into town - blago - gnuteck - cl&e sandbags jbt - roth dragoo - teaparty - the teaparty are way into the dwdelaney fun. And they have used gov as an excuse to have me as their entertainment. Thats why i argued 1983 - due process. Equal protection. The po is in the thing big. And they wojcocki at sheriffs. That doesnt know anything about law enforcement. Hes never spent a day of his life as a cop. He edited the spfld dio newsletter - and ringeisen created a job for hin uis lobbyist. Because he knows people. Hes got clout, power that he holds personally. Note esp wojcocki is ilsen, the woman from lg. And the woj fam link to albx - albanese - who, himself is linked to mgraw the mcds mgr in town. Mgraw owned the stores where certain inds worked - sixth st - macarthur/lg - several other. Mrt and dirt was po - and note caths are specifically involved in addiction frame from spk. And that followed me to spfld - they hit me really bad in spk with chem. They also physically hit me. Some guy ive never seen before just punched me in the nose twice, broke my nose, got the xrays and everything, and a car pulls up, a door opens, he walks up to the car and gets in. i got the plate, filed a report. I cant remeber how many i have filed reports and nothing ever happens. Dont know what to think of the inginspk stuff. I think they called me a pow and did sere pychology in order to justify hitting me with dod product chem. Chemical warfare materials and tactics. For fun, how to train your dragon. And i got to put up with pictures of groundhog day on the natl rev instagram page. FU. they know the addiction frame is bogus, but i guess the wh believes it is within the power of executive branch to make up some excuse in order to keep me living like this. I can have my life back when i give up my case. Shave and a hair cut . i have been thinking about this thing all wrong. Its all one big misunderstanding, they were really just trying to help me out. What with me being an addict and all.

First, the defs watch everything i do, every footstep, listen to every word. I write the page. They read. I filed a lawsuit against exactly what they are doing, with them as named defendants. How can they possibly say i consent. And they lost. Right. Also, note that the theres an element of txgop prank here. The jail - the charge b & e. Tx fam johnson. Designated as a pow - enemy combatant - lone wolf terr - spfld radio kelm - chatham package - lon chainey - chi football - monsters of the midway - romney from bain capital - bain is chigop - wolf bane - rabbit - bunny - bunny bread - bct - bread truck drivers - lfmc - sixth st - scb - pambianco - spfld roadrunners - sjh - hic - centaurs - shs - ackerman - terry nelson - duane gibson - -brooks bros - irv - stone - suncruz - palm - charlotte - ann colder - stuck in galv - halliburton - longies - ororke - obscen phone calls - gwb admin - agag - perry homicidal threats frame - xa rice arroz - night owls - smu - american graffitti - ron howard - happy daze - 123 oclock - 4 more years - haley barber - nicky haley - mark few - mark denzler - thers also shark smear linked to dads fam. Grandma remarries someone that has an adult son that works at the post. Never met the guy. Thats what the glasses thing is about. All this was supposed to be unearthed by the counterintel inv. But that was just cover for the fact they busted so hard. They got nothing. They had to find a reason to stall. The po wont enforce. The caths run it. Note usccb and h/k - esp the time period i leave ftl for spk  - and note what happens when i get back to spfld. The thing  with them putting me in jail. The cocaine on the floors and walls. Thats also the psych frame. Thats why the dude from efe - sc wants to use mental illness as an excuse for “treatment”. Its chem. Designed as poison and used to make me hurt and keep me from getting sleep - lincoln era gop - jeffe ron - whigs - ipi - peeps - humint - social network - fraternal orgs - shriners - fop - unions - sports - shgfootball - esp kcs - but see also - roa - ngaoi - teaparty - note esp link b/t - ilfop and ilroa - ilfop and ngaoi - xa ilfop pence link - gregorian chant - trumpence - baiseboll - kingmakers - mel sembler - rauner - paprocki - sembler seed - ftl - principles bldg next to apt in ftl - carlyle - bush - cia - clockwork orange - vala - guards - 233mp - 33 hq guards - jeepsters - crep - airport guards - and fd - xa scso - swat - tru - cit - and see names of people linked to dirt and mrt - esp eric hall - auburn - boesdorfer - boes link to mta - jasmon - nifong - trucks - coal trucks - tx ata - tex mex - job at shim factory - ed smith is tx liuna - furman milburn - furman schuh - txgop - mighty muffler - galv usarec - deps used to do ops - wal emps - note esp dunks spkr at conv for trademark - takes opportunity to spk to state that their largest competitor is political. Unsolicited on the topic, former bain emp says be happy. That has a very specific meaning for some readers - xa wal - omnimedia - terry nelson - duane gibson - bc04 - kjell - swift - blessing - ilgop - xa carlyle - txgop - dutton - bonilla - charles s dutton - the cover of the  natl rev features - duane - the rock - johnson - txgop prank - not treatment - trick - xa aches - hh’s - jc - chamber - bob has a gavel collection - chamber ic - xa chamber trucks - mta - the addiction thing is like all the other stuff - all whisper campaign. No one says anything to me. I wrote up a website on wordpress - 953 - just on consent - they know i dont consent. Theyre not trying to listen. They dont have to. It doesnt matter. There is nothing i can say or do thats going to make them stop. Its not about addiction. They needed time to stall. Time too marginalize me. They can claim they killed my grandparents. They can claim im a ntional security threat. The fact is they dont have to prove any of this stuff. They knew theyd lose. And after they lost, they knew they would keep me living exactly the same way for as long as they wanted. It never made any difference. They joke about the whole thing - which is exactly what put them in this spot from the beginning. They cant admit what they did in sangamon county. To me. Then they followed me to florida, washington state, tx, and ive been in lots of different states now. They cant admit that they have been wrong. And as long as they dont have to - they wont. What they are doing to me is wrong. They know it. Or they should know it. They cant stop. Who is going to be the first person to blow this story up - because its coming - this is the worst kept secret in america. Its coming

cartalk – po is busted – radio communications show that po not trying to “treat” some sort of medical problem. that evidence was one of the things that made the defendants lose as badly as they did. if that ev was to leak, then the doj is wrong for it getting out. the po is wanting to have it both ways.

they wont enforce the judgment, against themselves. they have instead, decided to protect their political patrons and themselves and openly have defied the rule of law. rather than doing the job that everyone in america thinks they are doing, “law enforcement”, they have a more enlightened view of what their job is. look out for number 1.

5/30/19

note the pants and the position of abes hand - about as subtle as a steam caliope - caci - semper vigilans - perv - expo - pedophile frame - springfield consulting - wide awakes - whigs - lincoln era gop - ierc - airc onditioning - 404 chem batt - celletti - ilroa - adj genl - xa austin - big red - fox - boris johnson - bor i bor - bors - arriba - johnson - xa txgop - note rel b/t gop & brit conservatives - 10 downing - x - 33rd - lincoln silhouette - 4s - cross hairs - reticle - target practice - batting practice - precinct - nabors - glyphosate - riggleman - farm chem - farm bro - comer - comida -

5/31/19

Text for cartalk - veritas - havent taken site because - runs into 1a issues - and cant arg civil defam - because what im saying is true - theyd have to arg on the merits - they dont want that - they lost - in court - but the wits cant speak in public - thats what the defs are betting on - thats why the po isnt enforcing - and they knew theyd lose all along - they cant even pretend to be impartial - they are named parties in the litigation. 1983 - due process - equal protection - and see esp - dod - mp - color - vigilantism - aux police - kcs - deps - usarec - note esp 233 - gillette - keen - fuel specialists - but see also corp - mcds - abe lincoln cab - wal - etc.

po is involved in mental illness frame - and addiction frame - they lost at trial - trying to argue that - based at least in part - upon recorderd communications between dispatch and squads - as well as comms b/t squads/ offcrs - and inds - phone convs in squads - as well as ind testimony - wits - addiction frame is - bo - gus - ive tried a lot of different social media sites. Google sites - dwdelaney - google photo - flickr - wordpress - medium - instagram - imgur - tumblr - youtube - I cant access the sites that require a phone like twitter, facebook etc. I cant even get an “obamaphone” because im homeless and my id wont register when i try to apply. I have try to say that i dont consent as loudly and as often as i can. They know its bogus. But you see the new statue in front of the alplm and the cover on the natl rev and you hear wh flacks say they think the pres can continue doing whats hes doing under article 2 exec power. It has been suggested that the doj picked up my case as a civil rts case and they won. Then i guess a new admin comes in and wants to blow up my case as its being appealed. Defs lose all appeals. Po and gop wont stop. They want to stall out and force me to concede consent. Schaive and a haircut - they might have some legal authority to do this to me. I dont understand how thats possible. I dont understand how i can be forced to live like this. It should stop. Ive been trying to say that. Someones not trying to hear me.

6/1 they messed with my myspace page. they inserted a photo of me that I didn't post to that account. they are messing with my pages. xa psychological elements of pain - theyre trying to fancy it up. they want to change the way I think about the pain. xa Stockholm syndrome. im supposed to be thankful when they don't hit me that hard. they could be hitting me harder. sometimes they hit me hard. they should stop. ive been trying to tell them that this is the list of sites as of jun/2019 - note that ive tried to use others but I cant because I don't have a phone.

Google sites - monthly - ie. https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyjun2019/

Google photos -  https://photos.google.com/?tab=oq&pageId=none

Flickr site - flickr - https://www.flickr.com/photos/151524170@N03/

Medium  https://medium.com/@dwdelaney/

Wordpress site at -https://www.dwdelaney.wordpress.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dwdelaney/

Tumblr - site - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dwdelaney

Imgur - https://imgur.com/user/dwdelaney

Youtube -

https://m.youtube.com/user/dwdelaney

6/2

Agricolae - farm bro - glyphosate - h/k - dept agr - cbot - commodities - sonny perdue - ga - wh cos before mulvaney - il agr is state fair - smarjesse - “marketing” xa sportstalksmans - ssc - caths peoria - 182 airlift - jsoc - downing - ovp ran ops out of jsoc - erik prince - bw - ctc - cofer black - badgers - atl - koch bros - baise - greco baise vala - dr pepper - loft as radicalization frame - oc links - clarridge - bunn in oc - geo w bunn - mel sembler - augie busch - college of cardinals - xa camp and blankenship at ipi - liquor and tobacco lobby - and koch bros - paprocki links to ipi - lincoln era gop - wide awakes - service master - brandt - fsb - farm chem - henkel - pain and sleep - king of the hill - hillen chip guy - trucks - wal vendors - city mapping guy - terr tracking - “treatment” for my mental problem - addiction - was right about the hoff - and sunday school girl - though she left early - and may not have even known they were using her as an excuse - tileman - mak denzler- mark few - burtt and hefferon - top gun cunningham - albo - fibromyalgia - pain that is invisible - and doesnt leave marks - the perfect crime - usarec - prospects - under the radar - recruiters used the lure of extremely well paying jobs in order to get kids to do ops - 4 more years - happy days - 123 oclock - haley barber - niki haley - team nix - team mack - mckinnon is a tri - swimmers - ronda sentis - y coach sharmin - illini sharktopus - topaz gunderson - wal mgmt link to crs - uis - xa yrs - scrp - ierc - chao - fudd - james elmer mitchell - it just gets funnier every day dennis - doncha get it - youll figure it out dennis - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - or a pedophile or an arsonist - georgia - able cravens - breck girl - airborne chem - celletti is adj gen - like austin - note roth dragoo - teaparty links - romculsoc - libri - pecori - palazzolo - sleep - get it dennis - pecori was ierc - libri is dod civaff - xa ilroa - phone tree - who else can ask someone to do something so obviously illegal - what does that conversation sound like - you have to tell theother person that they are in no danger of being held accountable - by the police - by the courts - dist atty - usatty - doj - if someone asked me to put something in my gas tank - and drive upwind of some dot on my phone - id say hell no - do it yourself - that sounds illegal - and the defs haveavoided any consequences this entire time - how many years has it been - long enough to conceaal and destroy as much as evidence as they could possibly hope to - long enough for the people that were behind it - to quietly fade into the background - thats what this is about - there is no pain left for the defs - they got what they wanted - time - the mcds guys are gone - and now people have retired - moved - gotten different jobs - they had lots of time - the po is still backing them up - its just the po now - not doing their job - is all i can point to - that and the dod people - id say the original pols are gone but the arent - trump was elected on a fudd platform - as well as ldrshp in cong - and ilgop - they have demonized me and kept me wandering the country - from one town to another - in abject poverty - relying only on handouts - in pain all day long - sleeping on sidewalks - talking into my little voicerecorder

6/3/19 - ilroa - roa - i think this is it - xa libri - scrp - reticle - cross hairs - terr frame - bene & the jets - 33 hq - ing - ilfopngaoi - etc. cambone - ovp/jsoc -

6/2 - defensetv - logo - for 33rd hq - civaff - reticle - cross hairs - 90′s - 10 lines - 2 fives -

look what i found

- xa libri - scrp - civaff - bitcoin - cryptocurrency - ierc - pecori - romculsoc - greco baise vala -

33rd - ing - hq civaff - libri - four f - f2 - fu - the - the - l&e - Le - fu l&e - fuel specialists - 404th chem batt - celletti - adj gen - austin - adj gen and ierc - chosen by cellinis wife - (cellini) - note celetti - c el & “i” - kcs - karl kemme - vala is gk - sabado gigante - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - they put me in jail - they werent trying to “help” me - they own the po - sheriffs - wojcicki - rauner - paprocki - mel sembler - saw that bbar used the word bogus in the paper today - car talk guys say bogus

6/4

Update 2019

inducements

Basis of the claim - the original complaint mentioned the 1983 - due process and equal protection claims. I also plead a rico charge under a civil liability theory. In order to make this thing happen, the defs have recruited participants with the promise of a job, a promotion, overtime hours, or other such inducements. Conversely, those refusing to participate, or those that had been involved, but had decided to stop or speak out against the defs, have faced penalties in wages, hours etc. In particular, in order for this to continue, defs have directed these specific retaliatory measures toward witnesses for the government, the plaintiff, me, as well as those that might even consider such a position. The evidence for this is without question. These individuals have faced tangible losses in income, threatened with long term unemployment in their chosen field and have also endured significant social and peer pressure as well. Those defs that are employed in intelligence, either as analysts or within collection or any number of different technical specialties, were pressured to participate in, what was knowingly illegal activity, fucking with me, ie. identity theft, aggravated battery etc. They were forced to use gov authority to fuck with me. The defs witheld hiring people that wouldnt participate. This could itself form another rico type allegation under a theft of services legal theory. Its not all fun and games. Its misuse of gov legal authority. It specifically benefits the defs in that it is also a demonstration of power. As such, it can be used to recruit in the future and prevent opposition on any number of different fronts. The misuse of authority, in my case, gets them more power. The baines thing and the nixon thing both are directed by elements within the group of defendants that are in direct political opposition to themselves. Txgop, would benefit, in a very real way from destroying my life, under some bogus claim linking me to a prominent figure within the txdems. Similarly, the nixon smear, or the wp smear, demonizes me and mobilizes forces that are politically opposed to their real or perceived agenda. Im trying to figure out why this thing wont stop. I guess there was a case, the defs lost. Po wont enforce. I cant tell whats true. I have a lot of people tell me a lot of different things. In order for this to happen, some things have to be true.a large group of very powerful people is behind this. This is the worst kept secret in america. I shouldnt have to live like this.

6/5 - google sites list of sites as monthlys - in pdf form

Rose long is chair - long elevator - lord vader - dark side - team lift -

Roth - ing - 33rd legal - roth dragoo - penny marshall - big dragoo -

Air cond - american cons union - we accomodate - caci - ierc - skinner box - carlyle - principals and agents - bah - alco frame - booze alien - reeses - re & re - ren re - reineke - usmc - glyphosate - comer - comida - abraham maslows pyramid of needs - hierarchy - abraham - brauer - ippa - pence - 2p - topaz - lincoln era gop - red eyes - addiction frame in spk - wpp - dennispmoore - urinary tract infection in fla - box office job - 90’s - reticle - cross hairs - james elmer mitchell - sharktopus - panther - hart - scb - cl&e - inb - van meter - how to train your dragon - lincoln cab - deployment - robert urich - ierc - wideawakes - haley barber - 123 oclock - baines - bennis elaine - bainc apital - pope bene - they put me in jail on a trumped up charge - entirely fabricated - breaking and entering - burglary - bene - 2m - slugger - spfld sliders - football - sportstalksmans - peoria - xa wojcicki - sheriffs - usccb - h/k - chigop - thompson alums - nix alums - baise - springfield consulting - was right about the hoff and link to shs - skreech - thats the only name on that show ive heard - xa bell imagery - consent - ecole - hammertime - bigfoot exterminators - poison - king of the hill - dang ol dale patterson - henkel - kindred - mu - roddavis - yrs - spfldconsulting - carlyle - bush fam - geo w bunn - ima - mark denzler - ideas il - security guards - off duty po - 33rd hq guards all have to leave - thats important for timeline - when they kicked out the priv guards - from camp lincoln - xa carlucci wackenhutt - bush at cia - cofer black - demonstration of power - bunn - money - chase - ache - chevy chase maryland - laffers - bethesda - va hosp - emps do ops - cofer - sleep deprivation - 247 creates fibro - weakens immunity - xa physical trauma - the nose - the car - dennsipmoore - scrp does cryptocurrency to reward ops - under libri as gop chair - how it happens in spfld is about the jobs - thats the irv mantra - only people that will do ops - me - will ever get jobs - fd - pd - politics - even corp - mcds - mgraw albanese - wal schweska - be happy - no hurry - whos extorting who - the jobs go to the mil side - bell - recruiters - meps for the area is stl - xa caths - slu - spitzer - mark few - usccb ldrshp follows me to spk - when i get there - and the addiction frame follows me back to spfld - xa trophies frame - note esp link here b/t hic - peoria dio - cat ima - and sjh - spfld roadrunners - team mack - samuel charles - mark mckinnon - 2m - mu - bene - antifa - jacob engels - andrew jackson - rachel - ache - ftl brooks bros riot - duane gibson - terry nelson - ackermann senterfitt - mckinnon - huizenga - servus - wm - mace paolino - chem lon - team mack - precinct 10 - 33rd - gu - winston - civaff - 4F - llcc - workforce development - gingrich - physics - vaq209 - rape frame - rufies - eroll in sd - and see watson is mi - and at pendleton when im there - nuclear power plant frame - terr frame - loft was radicalization frame - eastern philosophy - sufi poet - rumi - dod - rummy - nix alums - copeland - vala - usss - homicidal threats frame mobilizes po - and dod - thats why when i went into the hpd in person - to make a compaint - because the pain was really bad - they sent me to the homicide dept - and then they just gave me a scrap of paper with the addr of the epa - other mi - spfld - kingtech 4 wheeler - kingtech was mi - background checks - note esp shgfootball for links - thats why this is still going on - shgfootball and wojcicki at sheriffs - mckenna in chi - paprocki and rauner is mel sembler - kingmakers - baise - xa wojcicki at albx - mgraw albanese - albo - hot tub tom - top gun - 123 oclock - cifa - burtt - hefferon - agag - laffers - usattys - carol lam - clutzo - netznik - fd poison - arson frame - dmh - who used to work at the bldg next to dor - in the same bldg - on my walk as guard - xa shs and simpsons - roger ailes - no fooling - note esp farm policy - and see boris johnson - duane the rock - johnson - bene and the jets - 183 fw - mm - mike meyer - fuel specialists - timm and lopian - link b/t scso - and 233 - keen - gillette - xa sd - wilkinson - liuna schaive - blagoliuna - hardy pisano - isea2002 - hardy reps sang co in excessive force case - he asks me questions about dennispmoore hit - had to sit for deposition - nobody has to answer my questions - furman milburn - furman schuh - schuh is ilsen - links to rauner - rauner tries to hold dems hostage on my lawsuit - shuts down gov until gov gives up case - they dont - rauner appears foolish - people leave and he picks up lots of people from ipi - trump tries the same thing - it fails - thats why the shutdown - maybe - maybe not - ive been thinking that - xa sanctuary cities - attack on due process - maybe just my imagination - i undersatnd it makes me look bad to say that - but ive been thinking that - where do we go now - the defs dont want to admit they did something bad - for all the talk of being religious - and the backing of the church - you cant shame them into doing the right thing - roger stones - im not trying to pretend to be something im not - 33rd - we acc - caci - pedophile frame - minors - investigators - clearance - gina larkin - perv - expo - alplm - semper vig - always vigilant always present - vala is gk - steil is knight mgr - karliker is knight mgr - karl kemme - rivkcs - sd malta - karcher - sembler - addiction frame - principles - breck girl - 2p -  muffler goes out in cape - charlotte rousse - ann colder - roger stone - irv in ftl - porter goss - house gop - hic - bush cia - carlyle - gosslings - gwb - longies - obscene phone calls - gal vest on - james baker III - hou meps - hou civaff - ed smith is spfld and tx - thompson has labor links - chi liuna - medieval recreation - kurtz - ambulance - dan tanna - spencers gag gifts - kurtz is usccb - mcconnell is slugger - vegas takes place in a garage - xa basketball - highschool - jim scott - rocky wirtz - george orwell - shs -

update 2019/scrp

In bigfoot exterminators - barone calls riggleman - den -

Simpsons - ned flanders - and fox - beavis and butthead - simpsons - is flanders - kids - two kids - rod & tod - line from flanders kid in “flaming moes” - smells like tinkle” - chuck tingle -

Note esp - first page of - bigfoot - lists gps as - 2311 - not emergency - xa tracking - deet - mosquito abatement - poison - colorless and odorless - hypersensitivity with chronic exposure

Skimming the “tome” - this stuff gets riggleman - the nom - and the seat - dist leans r - not going to waste time reading this stuff - lots of references to me - xa joke between him and his dod buddies - hes an anthroplogist -

Unite the right - scrp hq addr -

 The Sangamon County Republican Central Committee (SCRCC)1132 E Sangamon Ave, Springfield, IL 62702

6/5

6/6

SCSO DIRT - pages - links to larger docs - update2019

Fits timeline - july 2004 - exactly when i get into town - complaint in galv was - july 2004

I leave tx because they wont take my complaint in tx - i drive back to spfld - i get there in aug - car breaks down - i need to make money for gas - xa cape - charlotte -

Isp - mrt timeline - and see dirt timeline - gen - 2004 - 2007 - note esp bressan -

The original site and doc are from 2011 - the mrt update places the start of the program at just about the time i get into town and stops right about the time i think a legal case may have been taken up by the feds - lots of other “retirements” - moves - take place around this time - note esp steil move - 2006 spd retirees - and see also us pols - usattys -

Isp mrt timeline -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WuGqJVuRQdvHOoU3Zc2brzOIwcAkIMg4q6FzYqRMnPk/edit?usp=sharing

Dirt site -

https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneydirt/

Big picture is boes - auburn - county board - eric hall - roddavis - curtright - mu - kindred - henkel - hvac - forced air - dare - baise ball - facio - ace - ache - rove nickname - xa ipi - tileman - and see ibt - coli - choline - mta - jasmon - gop - rummy - nifong - aiw - #10 - ab - garbage trucks - wm - huizenga - mcds - gidwitz - kinzinger - boesdorfer - shriners - jeepsters - social network - caths and shriners - xa kcs - xa christian county - gop in christian county - taylorville - pana - job at mai - poison ivy - rostoff - animal drugs - jurkanin - isp - xa timeline for mrt - kornfeld - hoff - sjh - roadrunners - swimmers - team mack - bulldog - winston - thompson - rondesantis - james elmer mitchell - i talked about davis before the election - im still talking about him - links to rove - crossroads - organ grinder - uncertain - sacco goes to dpr - they have guys w clearance - investigators -

From dwdelaney - dirt -

Sheriff disbanding DIRT, warrant teams

By JAYETTE BOLINSKI (jayette.bolinski@sj-r.com)

THE STATE JOURNAL-REGISTER

Posted Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:30 PM

Last update Jul 09, 2009 @ 06:40 AM

Sangamon County deputies whose primary roles involve rooting out drugs and searching for fugitives are being reassigned to patrol duty as the sheriff’s office struggles to plug a budget shortfall.

Sheriff Neil Williamson said Wednesday that, while he hopes the teams can be reformed in the future, it is unclear when that might happen. Next year’s budget already “is looking grim also,” he said.

Five deputies are affected by the change.

*Lt. Brian Bressan and deputies

*Jason Boesdorfer and

Kenny Karhliker

make up the sheriff’s Drug Investigative Response Team,

while deputies

Matt Lorton and

Jim Tapscott,

the sheriff’s warrant team, are on loan to the U.S.

Marshals’ fugitive task force.

All five will be back on the street effective July 20.

The sheriff’s office previously disbanded its crime prevention unit as part of its budget-cutting efforts. Williamson said he was asked to trim $850,000 from his budget because of the county’s “severe financial constraints.”

He called the warrant and drug teams “two of the most successful units we’ve had” and said disbanding them was one of the hardest decisions he’s had to make in his 15 years as sheriff. However, Williamson said, he is doing everything possible to avoid layoffs.

He also expressed concern that crime could escalate as a result of the cuts. The office will have to react more to crime now, rather than being able to take preventive steps.

“We are getting back to the basics of what a sheriff’s department is supposed to do,” he said.

The sheriff’s warrant team was formed in July 2000 and supplied two deputies to the U.S. Marshals’ fugitive task force. Since the warrant team was formed, more than 4,900 fugitives have been captured, Williamson said.

The team’s disbanding means the sheriff’s office no longer will have representatives on the fugitive task force.

The DIRT team was formed in July 2004 in response to what was at the time a growing methamphetamine problem in Sangamon County. The team made numerous meth-related arrests in its first two years, which Williamson said drastically curbed the local meth industry.

The DIRT team has made about 1,700 drug-related arrests since its inception.

This is an email -

with a copy of the site written in 2010 - dirt - link is above - some links as intro - are on the page -

dwdelaney@gmail.com

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 Updated Mar 8, 2010, 12:57 PM

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DRUG TRAFFICKING FRAME

DIRT - BIG PICTURE

- See also "timeline" – big picture

(Drug frame as excuse for harassment)

First, note hall rumor of cocaine use. I’ve Never done cocaine in my life. Second, I was set up in san diego to make it look like I was involved in my brother’s drug use and sales. Afl-cio internship puts me in san diego, where only person I know is Delong. He is staying in an apartment where, I find out later, although not living there and rarely seen, the leaseholder is Pennell. I’m in san diego and Johnny comes out to san diego, where I find out he’s buying and selling cocaine. I tell him to stop and he ignores me. He gets busted. He goes to jail. I’ve been staying at kennedy house and working day labor after the last election when Johnny says he getting out on probation but he needs a California address before they let him out on probation. I don’t have near enough to get my own place and Johnny says I can use his account, which had, I think, a little less than two thousand dollars in it. I find the place on broadway, in the gaslamp, very cheap. By the time I pay first and last months rent and security deposit, I’ve taken out all but a couple hundred dollars. He’s pretty upset about this at the time. Anyway, I think the whole putting me in san diego with Johnny thing and then him getting busted in san diego while I’m there and then me needing a place for him was pre-planned. Somebody knew I would have to use johnny’s account to get a place and that this could be used to justify harassment by scso back in springfield. Even with that as an excuse, the officers on the DIRT squad still went way beyond the scope of their authority in using vehicle exhaust to prevent sleep and cause pain and were involved in getting pedophilia frame arranged.

The background of the officers illustrates why they were chosen.

Drug frame – ob – pennell – irv smith – scrp – johnny’s probation - apartment  –

note also – hall cocaine rumor

and see also madonia pubdef’s – frame-up

Dirt run by sacco – Those involved:

Bressan, boesdorfer, karhliker, Lorton, tapscott –

Bressan – demarco – long fam – north end r’s – evening r’s – timm/clatfelter – 183 fuel specialist – chatham legion w/ lopian and rackets - professional courtesy guy – taser guy – ran dirt team

Bressan at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneybressan

boesdorfer – aimee gray – mta w/ jasmon – trucking – renfrow at mta – (renfrow – davlin)

Loren boesdorfer was auburn mayor, scrp  – pd, fd

boesdorfer at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyboesdorfer

Karhliker – shg coaches – leonard – IC – “scso defendants” and “timeline” site, prez at fop

karhliker – leonard background at dwdelaney and at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyshgcoaches

dirt/warrants disbands (see also sacco bails) – timeline:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneytimeline

other scso defendants:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyscsodefendants

see new links: Tapscott – terry moore – timm – timm/lopian – long fam – tapscott/moore

(Brian long’s wife employed at pccc – coffey/Saputo)

and see new boesdorfer links to sommer and timm

links - 6/6

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EdPJGL0cSrP_DsTS6y_skzxS-fq67kFt3JL-oOh5aQE/edit?usp=sharing

Hayes goes to ursuline - he runs tru w/ tapscott - tapscott info at scsodefendants

When I lived in a storage unit near nelsons they were involved in the chem - vehicles

Lindvall runs nelsons - and was ursuline basketball coach - in 2005 he goes to sci - im at storage around 2004 - 2005 or 6 shortly after I got to spfld I think

Sci is wharton xa eck noonan soccer - donley is linked to lindvall - xa coal trucks mta jasmon and see shriners trucks scso boes xa roddavis auburn eric hall mrt - scso dirt - nelsons has cafe gig at dept agr dnr and lrs -sci is torricelli - xa nelsons site - riggle - carnduff for stic - and see sticfusion - these guys at stic are terr frame - sleep deprivation and pain - stic has or had bw badgers - 233 and scso isp -

Riggle is the llcc ad - xa gray on bd - riggle is mike houston 79 co chair - houston is very jcs and chamber - claims to be a product of the jcs etc -

Riggle replaces dhabalt at llcc - dhabalt is fam spd  - xa crimestoppers koester - and stic aclu - scso acts on stic and intel to disproportionately enforce the law - claim crimestoppers but its oppo

Campo is yrs and scso - related to stl bommarito - thats where his juice comes from - xa cars - mi10 - caths - usccb - alton is spi dio - and see cars - xablankenship campo ipi -

Stic dir is soccer player - carnduff -

Scso

Boes - dragoo - steil - durr - karhliker -

Xa ing - gillette - ROyER - erve - ken - xa spd links to ing - celletti - cl&e - vala/gray - mrt - wal badgers - nsa - schweska - yrs - caths -

Scso -

Those guys that won’t work w/ koester - trouble - the po is not an uninterested party in this thing - they got busted talking about hitting me w/ chem - sleep deprivation - “wide awakes” - glyphosates - glu - they are not impartial - and they “disagree” w/ the court ? -

Linkage b/t pols - scso - ing - dod - recruiters -

Boes - auburn - eric hall - roddavis - mrt - shriners - xa hawrelak - denzler - chamber - lumber - mta - jasmon - boes -

Xa steil - sfd - iema - irve - busted for 3d shift sleep deprivation and still on the job -

Police unions - ron stone - pbpa - xa dia - foia request - 2006 retirees -

Hayes

I think hayes is the pedophile frame

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMDJjM2VkZTEtMzVkYS00OGY0LWE4ZDYtOWQzYWI4ZDhkMGQ2/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCOROTFlYjE4NjktNGY3Yy00NmU4LTk4ZTktYWVjYzRkNDlkM2Jm/view?usp=sharing

Manci - moriconi - gambling -

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORZGQ4NmVlOTYtYmJkNi00MmFiLTk3YjYtNGQ2NGExMmJmODVi/view?usp=sharing

Boes -

Auburn

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GB0L5AsG5PSFTVaFvYeLDu5SQN83Fn2EVlHwuh1jfKk/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNmU0YjhjMmItYTk4ZC00MDMyLThmODctYWFlN2NhMTcwMzk4/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNDQ2Y2MwMTAtMTMwNi00NzM2LTgzNGUtNjI2N2QxMDkzYmVj/view?usp=sharing

Dinardo link - illini cc swimmers

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMjc0ZWVkYjctOWM0OC00YTE3LTg1ODItMjMyYTMyZGY3OTQz/view?usp=sharing

Steil is at “steilextensions” page

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17D6CpX_qZQKSXaVNPOeNG1UT2hGQFHLBEJ541D_NxNQ/edit?usp=sharing

OPERATIONS DIVISION Captain Cheryllynn Williams

In 2017, there were 41,344, incidents in Sangamon County where deputies either initiated a law enforcement service or were dispatched to a call.

There was a lot of movement in the operations division in 2017. In April, Will Brooks, Jordan Cox, and Ryan Kuntzi were hired as a Sangamon County Deputies. Deputy Brooks began the Field Training Program immediately due to prior law enforcement training, and Deputies Cox and Kuntzi began the Illinois State Police Recruit Class. Sergeant Andy Danes was transferred from second shift to the Investigations Division in August. Detective Nancy Finley was promoted to Sergeant and transferred to second shift. Deputy Travis Dalby was transferred from second shift to Crime Prevention in March. Deputy Andrew Brashear was transferred from first shift to the Investigations Division in November.

In June, Deputy Knox retired after 25 years of service. His humor and kindness will be missed.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (law enforcement motto)

SUPERVISORS:

Lt. E. Knowski

Sgt. J. Tapscott

Lt. R. Steil

Sgt. A. Mayfield Lt. W. Cearlock Sgt. W. Wooden

Sgt. N. Finley

Sgt. J. Boesdorfer

Sgt. D. Miller

11

DEPUTIES:

S. Butterfield

D. Timm

D. Howse C. Law T. Koester B. Baughman

T. Roderick

A. Cline D. Dickason M. Garst A. Womack J. Bartello M. Long

S. Wieland

J. Budd B. Stapleton G. Harney B. Tweryon

D. Guernsey

B. Fleck A. Robinson Ja. Hayes M. Wilkin

N. Campo

J. Hanson A. Smith A. Jahns J. Smith E. Maulding S. Matli M. Powell M. Tudoreanu

T. Sommer

A. Henton A. Finigan

Deputies listed in bold text are Identification Technicians, and in italic are Accident Reconstructionist.

11/5 - Raperumor

was right about raperumor from docs - the guard lady - xa cra - newfrontier - Dirksen - boes - vono - when I was in kc - I drove to kc - when I was there someone loosened the lugnuts - chem on the road and in town - xa vono links - dale - esp herb Henkel - dangole - hank hill - dales dead bug - judge - agag - fox - tx22 - xa ibt916 - chamber - clear money - abf - dot - tracy - jasmon - boes shriners - donley - chem - water - lpw - dennispmoore - utils - trophies - shg - spk - Mitchell Jessen - clute - hecla - Cletus - celletti - callis - slu - gambling - vono - Henderson - sd - duraneb - neb charlotte - 29 palms - Huachuca - mi10 stl - the hill - red sauce - alton dio - spi - paprocki - lucas - ipi - gentleman - mus - ipi tileman - Blankenship - yrs - scso - aux po - chem - schweska - wal - smiley - 233 - scso - mrt - eric hall - roddavis - sites - 27 - Dirksen - carnduff - and see wm - landfill - durako - steil - hardy - paolino - fl - see esp boes - 916 Sullivan - scso - donley - coal trucks - Sherman pd - ibt grievances - radio dispatch - busted like po - that's why the judgment was high - busted so hard - not some sort of misunderstanding - they aren't fooling anyone w/ that nonsense - raperumor is true -

Vigilantism - guards - vono - duraneb - henderson - suhadolnik - icb - dale patterson - fox - henkel - fibro - chem - xa spk - caths - mitchell jessen - sleep deprivation - yrs - doj - gop attys - burkhardt - hecla - clute - cl&e - celletti - karl kemme - kcs - usccb - preston gates - riverside - broken nose - sere - sergei rachmaninoff - petraeus - troop surge - delay/stall - tx22 - gal veston - pompeo - sylva & us - note r - ecole - consent - green light - la showbiz - gop - op - chem - franchises - zito - ovp - ovp is jsoc - scooter - schaive - xa schaive links - liuna - blago - ipi - paprocki - spi dio - lucas - liuna - donley - aci - industrial chem - thompson - water - lpw - dennispmoore - flatop - spk

dirt - scso - this bressan ev is fn gold - note esp link to

Grandview - long - ierc - scercc - lord Vader - wide awakes - caci - semper vigilans - Lincoln era gop -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WuGqJVuRQdvHOoU3Zc2brzOIwcAkIMg4q6FzYqRMnPk/edit?usp=sharing

xa boes - auburn - Sommer - brandt - aux police - color of law - and see CIT - mental health frame - mhcci - pico fyans - romculsoc - suicidal - autistic - depressed - xa fertilizer - stimulants - sleep deprivation - glutamic acid - rondesantis - James Elmer Mitchell - usccb - hecla - dean Cletus - you ports cleat - obscene phone calls - homicidal threats frame - they knew I wasn't a terrorist - usarec - galv - veston - txgop - spfld - mike judge - king of the hill - albo - galv is Halliburton - longies - hot tub tom - sugar land - rove - bene & the jets - 183 fw - fuel specialists - timm - xa dirt - lopian - Dutton bonnilla - Charles s Dutton - the rock - Comcast - Carlyle - bush fam - cia - bunn - cofer black - demonstration of power - wide awakes - Henkel - crabtree the fiber guy - sere guy - Petraeus - rock man - troop sere g - optics - civaff - optempo - 123 o'clock - heffe Ron -  

6/7

Boes - davis - big picture - sportalk - cwlpdir - dwight chapin - chapin rose - h/k - rondesantis - shim - addiction frame is bogus - roddavis - yrs - rove - rga - crossroads - eric hall - DIRT

These sites have some of the same arts - dif links - comments -

docs linked to boes - davis - shim - yrs -

Sites with links to boes - davis - eric hall - dirt - mrt - addiction frame - roddavis

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1htBcfHNpjKFegWVPS_a1xF8eHZ8yJ7_lp2CcLaQEoWg/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XQbJXm3UZqrj_aqOXdlQuukMEcZY1JhvCXjeErlS_9g/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ip60ACGb1JcUL_3HgTTqlBWvDF6VIfffGaazdI6-Y4k/edit?usp=sharing

Davis - christian county gop -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FfgDNTnrFOavyNax4xJz3efUZoBu2ZgqOqWe3VuKgjk/edit?usp=sharing

Fuddruckers

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X-2wjwJnuNCvwdSPxJ-oGfQK63hOtxqdXjxs3aM3cO8/edit?usp=sharing

Sauerpaul

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zx_z3BUD0ydnEKTMxuJkuhoGb0QZWr7ZPTSyMioqJsI/edit?usp=sharing

DAVIS - SPORTSTALK - SHIM - YRS - ROVE

Taylorville man launches run for state House seat

Herald & Review (Decatur, IL) - Tuesday, September 19, 1995

Author: SARAH ANTONACCI ; H&R Taylorville Bureau Chief

TAYLORVILLE -A 26-year-old Taylorville resident announced his bid for the state House of Representatives seat occupied by Democrat Rep. Gary Hannig of Benld. Rodney Davis , a Republican, is a Taylorville High School and Millikin University graduate. He said he wants to build careers in the 98th District -not just jobs. He plans on doing so by being a leader where there has been a “fundamental lack of leadership.” Davis noted that communities in the 98th District -which includes all or parts of Christian, Macoupin, Madison Montgomery and Shelby counties -have suffered economically. “I will work to put together a jobs and employment program: an economic development plan which will work to retain, as well as attract, businesses and economic growth, which our area needs to prosper,” he said. One of Davis’ top priorities, he said, is to advance Project 29. He said he is familiar with the death and destruction that has occurred on Illinois 29, a highway he drives every day to his job at the Secretary of State’s Office in Springfield. “I want to make sure the funding comes along for the next phases in a more timely manner,” he said. “I think there’s more bureaucracy going on than needs to be. “Being a part of the bureaucracy in Springfield has given me a bird’s eye view of what kinds of waste occur there,” Davis said. “We need leadership to fight it.” Davis has been a Republican precinct committeeman in Taylorville since 1991.

He served as regional director of the

Illinois Young Republicans

and now serves as the group’s statewide secretary.

His wife, Shannon, also is a longtime Taylorville resident.

Plummer link – lumber –

SHIMKUS MAKES APPOINTMENTS TO ROUND OUT STAFF

State Journal-Register, The (Springfield, IL) - Thursday, January 2, 1997

Soon-to-be U.S. Rep. JOHN SHIMKUS' office staff is getting much of its manpower from a couple of sources -- Secretary of State GEORGE RYAN's office and the recent legislative campaign of RODNEY DAVIS . Shimkus, R-Collinsville, who will be sworn in Tuesday to a two-year term representing the 20th Congressional District, earlier named two ex-Ryan staffers -- CRAIG ROBERTS and BRAD CARLSON -- to be his Washington, D.C.-based chief of staff and Springfield-based deputy chief of staff, respectively. Roberts was campaign chairman for DAVIS, a Taylorville resident who lost to Democrat GARY HANNIG, D-Litchfield, in the 98th House District in November.

Davis himself will become the Springfield-based personnel director for Shimkus. His job will also include handling the office budget and doing constituent work, Roberts said. Davis' campaign manager was MATT JOHNSON, 24, of Springfield, who is leaving his job on Ryan's program staff to become a junior legislative assistant in Shimkus' Washington office. He's also the son of

BARRY JOHNSON, lobbyist for the Illinois Lumber & Material Dealers Association. Shimkus' Illinois press aide will be STEVE TOMASZEWSKI of Nashville, the Washington County GOP chairman, who has been working as an auditor for Ryan. Tomaszewski generally oversaw Shimkus campaign operations in Washington, Marion, Jefferson and Clinton counties, Roberts said, and his family owns the Nashville Times newspaper. Davis, Johnson and Tomaszewski will all make salaries in the mid-$30,000s, Roberts said. The Springfield office should be open within days at Sixth and Madison streets, Roberts said. Also working there will be MARY ELLEN MADONIA, 26, who was finance director for the Shimkus campaign. She'll become as a $33,000 district aide. "I took a big risk in working for John, but I believed in him," said Madonia, who left a Sangamon County job to join the campaign. "I'm just fortunate that the voters felt the same way." Madonia is daughter of Springfield City Treasurer JUDY MADONIA. Among other Shimkus employees:

DORA ROHAN of Collinsville, who has been Shimkus' secretary in his six years as Madison County treasurer, will run his Collinsville office;

STEVE MADDEN, a recent law school graduate from Springfield who volunteered on the Shimkus campaign, will be a junior legislative assistant in Washington;

MARY BALLARD, formerly with Modern Mailing Systems Inc. of Springfield, who handled Shimkus mailings, will be constituent coordinator for offices in Springfield and Collinsville and a part-time office in Centralia;

CHERYL CRATE, who has worked in Washington for U.S. Rep. TOM COBURN, R-Okla., will be Shimkus' legislative director, bringing with her experience on the staff of the Commerce Committee, where Shimkus will serve; and

DAN BLANKENBURG, who has been a junior legislative assistant to U.S. Rep. TOM EWING, R-Pontiac, will be a senior legislative assistant for Shimkus. Shimkus, meanwhile, will no longer be Madison County treasurer after today, and he's feeling a bit nostalgic about his six years in county office. He said he was "pretty depressed" working in an almost empty office, and noted that six years was the longest he's ever stayed at the same job. "I'm excited about the opportunities ahead of me, but I've fought some good battles here," he said. He's hoping that Democratic Madison County Board Chairman RUDY PAPA, a Democrat, will appoint the chief deputy in the treasurer's office, WES TUCKER, to the post.

Moriconi police -

Scso

Boes - dragoo - steil - durr - karhliker -

Xa ing - gillette - ROyER - erve - ken - xa spd links to ing - celletti - cl&e - vala/gray - mrt - wal badgers - nsa - schweska - yrs - caths -

Scso -

Those guys that won’t work w/ koester - trouble - the po is not an uninterested party in this thing - they got busted talking about hitting me w/ chem - sleep deprivation - “wide awakes” - glyphosates - glu - they are not impartial - and they “disagree” w/ the court ? -

Linkage b/t pols - scso - ing - dod - recruiters -

Boes - auburn - eric hall - roddavis - mrt - shriners - xa hawrelak - denzler - chamber - lumber - mta - jasmon - boes -

Xa steil - sfd - iema - irve - busted for 3d shift sleep deprivation and still on the job -

Police unions - ron stone - pbpa - xa dia - foia request - 2006 retirees -

Hayes

I think hayes is the pedophile frame

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMDJjM2VkZTEtMzVkYS00OGY0LWE4ZDYtOWQzYWI4ZDhkMGQ2/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCOROTFlYjE4NjktNGY3Yy00NmU4LTk4ZTktYWVjYzRkNDlkM2Jm/view?usp=sharing

Manci - moriconi - gambling -

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORZGQ4NmVlOTYtYmJkNi00MmFiLTk3YjYtNGQ2NGExMmJmODVi/view?usp=sharing

Boes -

Auburn

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GB0L5AsG5PSFTVaFvYeLDu5SQN83Fn2EVlHwuh1jfKk/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNmU0YjhjMmItYTk4ZC00MDMyLThmODctYWFlN2NhMTcwMzk4/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNDQ2Y2MwMTAtMTMwNi00NzM2LTgzNGUtNjI2N2QxMDkzYmVj/view?usp=sharing

Dinardo link - illini cc swimmers

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMjc0ZWVkYjctOWM0OC00YTE3LTg1ODItMjMyYTMyZGY3OTQz/view?usp=sharing

Steil is at “steilextensions” page

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17D6CpX_qZQKSXaVNPOeNG1UT2hGQFHLBEJ541D_NxNQ/edit?usp=sharing

OPERATIONS DIVISION Captain Cheryllynn Williams

In 2017, there were 41,344, incidents in Sangamon County where deputies either initiated a law enforcement service or were dispatched to a call.

There was a lot of movement in the operations division in 2017. In April, Will Brooks, Jordan Cox, and Ryan Kuntzi were hired as a Sangamon County Deputies. Deputy Brooks began the Field Training Program immediately due to prior law enforcement training, and Deputies Cox and Kuntzi began the Illinois State Police Recruit Class. Sergeant Andy Danes was transferred from second shift to the Investigations Division in August. Detective Nancy Finley was promoted to Sergeant and transferred to second shift. Deputy Travis Dalby was transferred from second shift to Crime Prevention in March. Deputy Andrew Brashear was transferred from first shift to the Investigations Division in November.

In June, Deputy Knox retired after 25 years of service. His humor and kindness will be missed.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (law enforcement motto)

SUPERVISORS:

Lt. E. Knowski

Sgt. J. Tapscott

Lt. R. Steil

Sgt. A. Mayfield Lt. W. Cearlock Sgt. W. Wooden

Sgt. N. Finley

Sgt. J. Boesdorfer

Sgt. D. Miller

11

DEPUTIES:

S. Butterfield

D. Timm

D. Howse C. Law T. Koester B. Baughman

T. Roderick

A. Cline D. Dickason M. Garst A. Womack J. Bartello M. Long

S. Wieland

J. Budd B. Stapleton G. Harney B. Tweryon

D. Guernsey

B. Fleck A. Robinson Ja. Hayes M. Wilkin

N. Campo

J. Hanson A. Smith A. Jahns J. Smith E. Maulding S. Matli M. Powell M. Tudoreanu

T. Sommer

A. Henton A. Finigan

Deputies listed in bold text are Identification Technicians, and in italic are Accident Reconstructionist.

[globepreneur-blog]

$500/month with an Instagram fan account (at 15 years old)

New Post has been published on http://www.myonlineincome.info/500month-with-an-instagram-fan-account-at-15-years-old/

$500/month with an Instagram fan account (at 15 years old)

Hey – Pat from [StarterStory.com](https://www.starterstory.com) here with another interview.

Today’s interview is with Sammy Sternberg of [@zekefeed](https://www.instagram.com/zekefeed), an Instagram fan page for the NFL player Ezekiel Elliot.

**Some stats:**

* Product: Instagram fan page. * Revenue/mo: $500 * Started: October 2016 * Location: New York City

### Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?

Hello, my name is Samuel Sternberg, I’m 15 years old and I created the Instagram page [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed). It’s a fan page for NFL player Ezekiel Elliott and has exploded over the last 2 years. In the last couple of months alone I’ve gained nearly 20,000 followers.

My source of revenue currently is selling ads and I hope to create my own products as well.

My customers are anyone wanting to promote their product or brand. I’ve grown over 50,000 engaged followers within the last 2 years and continue to grow.

### What’s your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?

When I was 13 years old and in 8th grade I created this page.

I had Ezekiel Elliott on both of my fantasy football teams and just loved his game.

Previously I had created a few other successful Instagram pages. I created the pages for fun and wasn’t really thinking about money because I was fresh off my 13th birthday.

One of them which grew so fast and so strong and was suddenly hacked, a mistake I won’t make again.

The hacked account was a Syracuse University basketball team fan page. I started it at the beginning of March Madness and a few weeks later, towards the end of the tournament, I was already competing for the biggest Syracuse fan page. I even had the players DMing me and commenting on my posts.

When I first started [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed), there was already a similar page at 10,000. I didn’t let that stop me from absolutely crushing it! I put in so much time and effort growing the page it absolutely exploded.

### Take us through the process of building the account to where it is today.

Thankfully making and growing an Instagram cost 0$. But what it does take is hard work and hustle.

**Following and unfollowing**

My main strategy was following and unfollowing people in my niche. I didn’t use any services to do this, however now those do exist. I used my own hands and that was extremely hard and time-consuming.

While that strategy worked well 2 years ago it doesn’t so much now due to the fact it worked so well and everyone does it now. Nowadays on Instagram, you may notice similar looking pages following and unfollowing.

**Comments on bigger pages**

I also would comment stupid things on bigger pages in my niches profiles to grab attention.

Today Instagram has a feature that lets you like comments and the more liked your comment is, the more people will see it. I would recommend trying to comment things on posts you think can get liked and then seen by many.

**Shoutouts**

I would take every opportunity I can to trade shoutouts with bigger accounts than me. To find people to do shoutouts with you can just search for accounts in your niche with a similar following.

For example, if you’re a Dallas Cowboys fan page, search “Dallas” “Cowboys” and “DC” to find accounts in your niche. Then simply DM then politely asking if they’d be interested in your idea.

If can never hurt to DM accounts much bigger than yours.

### How does your business model work?

While people sometimes DM asking to buy a shoutout… it is very rare. If you’re a Dallas Cowboys account go to #DallasCowboys and scroll through looking for anyone trying to sell something cowboys related, for example, someone selling Cowboys ticket packages or Cowboys tee shirts.

I would DM them asking if they want to buy a promotional post. After they pay I ask them to send me the picture and caption they want me to post. It’s that simple.

Recently, I tried making my own website to sell some Ezekiel Elliott bobbleheads I have laying around. It wasn’t a success at all, no sales. I observed what was wrong. The prices were good but the product itself wasn’t trendy at all and not interesting.

In the future, I’ll try to sell my own product right after a Cowboys win when the page is the hottest. And let’s say a player has a great game, I’ll sell product related to him.

### How are you doing today and what does the future look like?

When it comes to being profitable from my Instagram page there are a couple things I can do. The first thing I can do is straight up selling people posts and stories.

They can choose to put their profit or brand on the post and in the caption, I direct my followers to their page or website. I currently charge 15$ for a story and 38$ for a full post. Every dollar I make on shoutouts is profit.

The second thing I can do make money is make my own product and brand. I would love to start making t-shirts but the market is so over saturated.

### Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?

I don’t regret starting my account, it’s fun and successful. But when giving someone a tip on starting an Instagram account to grow big and make money I’d say this:

Make sure whatever idea you have is popular and has a lot of people who would be interested. Pick something that you believe TONS of people could possibly follow.

If you make an account for a random colleges basketball team, you can become their biggest page but there is a ceiling on how big you can get. But if you make a page about college basketball, in general, you can grow very big.

### What platform/tools do you use for your business?

I don’t recommend using tools if you really want to grow an authentic page. However, some tools are helpful and I would recommend using.

For example, when doing the following and unfollowing there is an app called [Cleaner](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/cleaner-for-ig/id1019607006?mt=8). It will unfollow accounts for you which doesn’t have any disadvantages to doing that manually.

### Advice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?

If you want to get to the top of your market your going to have to put in work. If the next guy is spending 1 hour a day on his page you must spend 2.

### Where can we go to learn more?

Please follow me [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed) and DM if you have any further questions/inquires!

—

Liked this text interview? Check out the [full interview with photos](https://www.starterstory.com/stories/how-a-15-year-old-made-a-profitable-fan-account-on-instagram).

[survivorelara]

Episode #15: “what fucking blog?” - Sam

a close second is another Sam quote, “is he not from london”

oh kori…. you fell right into the trap my guy. you better win that fic....

Final 4, wow, who'da thunk I'd find myself here? I've never been this far before in any ORG, so doing the Rites of Passage is a bit surreal for me. I probably flopped at it, but maybe I didn't... I don't know. XD

I'm just so happy to have come this far, Loris claimed in his exit words that I'm winning, not sure if that's true or not, but I'm certainly hopeful that's for sure. I've put in a lot of work, so I hope to see some results though even getting this far is huge for me.

I'm still not sure what F3 configuration would be the best for me. I've been considering Me Roxy and Sam just because it might be more fun, they are the two people I worked with the most in this game, though I'm unsure because it's honestly a tad difficult to gauge how this Jury feels. They could be bitter against Roxy or it could have mellowed into admiration or at the very least respect. Ci'ere is also hard to place because of his relationships, and I question if he'd be bitter, or not if I voted him out, and if he isn't who he'd vote for. Alternatively if I take him to the end who does he have on the jury and who does he not have, difficult for sure.

Well, I'm totally flopping the challenges so far, I ruined Endurance because I didn't read it wasn't due til 8PM Saturday. (I could have started on Friday and gotten a crazy high time, but I fucked it up thinking this was all due within 24 hours like normal... I might have thought twice if I had ever been to F4 which I should've remembered is a multi-day affair.)

And the Maze, I mean anyone could do as badly as I did, but I doubt they will, it'd be tough to not beat my score.

I'm not confident in my knowledge of the players given I didn't know half of them, and the mystery challenge is well... a mystery.

The only one I feel like I could be good at is the Flash game... BUT IT WON'T LOAD.

Needless to say this is likely to be my worst F4 challenge performance. So I'm gonna have to up the charm, and hope Ci'ere doesn't win since I think they are the best person for me to pitch going instead of myself. (Also because I think their odds of winning is the highest between the other 3.)

Well I finally finished all the challenges, and I was a total flop for the most part, but everyone keeps saying they're flopping too, so who knows. I'm hopeful Sam got first in the Maze and Roxy got first in Endurance, since those were my weak areas, and I want to vote Ci'ere out.

Also with an even spread like that it raises my odds of winning this challenge. Though if Ci'ere totally killed all these challenges I'm probably dead AF.

Since I have no doubt if Ci'ere is safe Roxy is voting me, and Sam might even consider it too though I'd be willing to tie it for him in a similar scenario.

I just can't believe I've come so far, and I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the way despite all my effort, and it kills me to think that. I just hope I get a chance to plead my case to the jury, even if I lose I just want to actually make a FTC.

And gg y'all kori probs just won the season. That's literally the one thing that couldn't have happened

hi so uh I could die here, but im trying my fucking hardest to make it to ftc. I was just really busy these last few days and couldn't put in full effort on the fic which caused kori to win. and now it seems like the vote is between me and ci'ere. the vote originally was gonna be kori but ofc he won fic so here we are... on the edge of my seat trying my best to not get final juror again. I s2g if I get final juror in back to back orgs im actually gonna just get drunk and fuck a dude

so ive got kori on my side who's gonna vote ci'ere with me, which is good because that at least guarantees me a tiebreaker chance. Right now though im tryna convince roxy to vote him as well instead of me because I could easily lose the tiebreaker challenge and not make ftc which would be devastating. Because the thing is, as much as I feel kori has a strong shot at winning this game, I feel I can work some magic and maybe turn this thing around to get me the win, but I gotta get to ftc first

Everyone knows they can beat roxy so shes the deciding vote on if ciere goes or if we are going to a tiebreaker. Ive been talking to her all day now tryna spit facts and lies into her head to get her to change her mind. she fears that if she votes ciere out that she wont get his vote, but I told her straight up if that's what shes worried about and I go on the jury then I wont vote for her either, so now she has no incentive to put me on the jury except if im a bigger threat for her or whatever. I mean lets be real, this is gonna be a very bitter jury. and most of that hate will be directed at me. roxy fears we played similar games but I told her straight up if im there with her, ill receive most of the jury's hate which could be a shield for her and maybe have the jury see her game more since people will probably only vote kori because he isn't as hated. he hasn't played a bad game but he's been a gamebot all game and only played alright, I feel I played great but have to own up to everything and swallow my ego and let the jury know how bad I feel or whatever and let them yell at me. roxy isn't winning, those are the facts. but I need her to vote ciere so I can get to ftc and try and beat kori.

so im just gonna keep bullshitting and say I can be her meatshield in terms of hatred being thrown at us and hope ciere gets final juror instead over me. but one way or another, roxy aint winning lol

jesus Christ roxy just needs to understand she isn't fucking winning this game and should just give me a shot lmao. like some votes she MIGHT have over me can easily be taken away by ciere being there, and I told her that. im really fighting for this like fuck man I want to get to ftc again

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP!

I WON THE FINAL CHALLENGE! I'm so fucking ecstatic I'm gonna be in the freaking finale. This is the hardest part though trying to know who to vote.

I'm leaning heavily voting out Ci'ere due to what I believe his jury connections are, but also because I think my game stands out more when I'm with Roxy and Sam due to their games being... well basically the same.

They both, ultimately voted out the person who idoled them, they both tended to lie excessively, they both never won a challenge, and there are more similarities as I go on.

I love everyone in this final 4 though, and it's been so amazing playing with all of them. I just hope I can pull out a win, taking Roxy and Sam could be a mistake as their games were ballsy and if the jury buries any ill will they could decide to award one of them the win and view me as a goat.

So far me and Sam are both voting Ci'ere, but Roxy has been a bit dodgy, so it might go to a tie, which while I'm not a fan of Ci'ere proceeding since I think he'll give me a run for my money, I think Sam would be a lock vote for me so that's a benefit there.

I'm still thinking about the trial ahead because I know this game isn't over, it's the final stretch and I've begun a strong finish, and I need to make sure I deliver at FTC. It's my first one, and I would hate to blow it.

Dani: everyone more or less voted dani. Ciere caused chaos and had his name thrown about . One of drew h or t leaked to him. Probs drew h. Who led on dani? It started with john? He wanted ciere out I think. Dylan: this was kori's move but only on the surfave. I told kori to get drew t into the plan cause he originally complained about dyl been not rlly there but it sort of  ended up with him wanting to protect dyl as a free agent. Me and Dylan were close but I still let myself cut him because I formed an alliance with emma and andrea and promised her id never betray her this game and I sorta wanted to take emma to the end but who didnt. Me and sam were contemplating things but he didnt make us flip or vote the way we did. Sam I think was already on that side tho so not rlly middle. Ciere voted emma?? Minority tryna get a revati out. John: apparently kori came up with john first but I wanted him out the previous vite to weaken the drews so theyd depend on me nn emma and andrea brought him up. There was a plan to couter it by going after andrea I think or mv it was emma but again  I was with andrea and emma so I told rm I already voted john when I didnt to make a dumb excuse why I couldn't vote with em nn. Sam voted john along with the revatis  ciere tagged along I recon still wanted a revsti out. Drew t. Apparently kori pushed for him and loris and andrea sorta messy if u ask me. This vote was me and ciere I recon. Although it was andrea vrs drew so I wanted to protect andrea again sigh but also we wanted to seperate sam and drew t.  Kori voted andrea or drew t mb drew t. Andrea and sam did ciere. Sam got outplayed here I recon. Ciere voted drew t too but left the decision to me so? Emma. She played her idol on me. My one regret was not getting her to idol herself but I doubted ciere a bit too much and was too stressed from the final count down to think it over. We also didnt eexpect everyone to flip on emma on the revote. Same just tagged along and ciere's plans failed but ultimately they got emma out. Drew h: I wish here I told andrea of the probability of them voting her out so we coudve voted loris out then and there like a blindside. Sam just went along and ciere voted with his probable f2. Andrea. Loris and kori betrayed her here. Ciere and sam also. Loris: sam betrayed him badly to save me and ciere msnaged to lie his ass iff to get that idol played on sam. I had two ppl risk themselves to keep me. Probs cause theyI look down on my game and think they can beat me.

it is now an hour before we have to vote and i still have no clue who to vote.

but  i think im leaning towards voting ciere at this point?

Sam loses the tiebreaker after a 2-2 vote and is the final member of our jury.

Jesus Day 39. Never thought I'd actually be sitting here.

There's so much buzzing around in my mind. But at this point there isn't any strategic words I can really say, the F3 is officially set, all GAMING per say is over. Now all there is left to do is rock out a fantastic speech for why I should win. (I hope I'm capable of that.)

This game has been such a mental and emotional roller-coaster and I'm just so happy to have been a part of it and to now be experiencing something so new.

Regardless of how this ends, I know that I'm happy with how this turns out, and I definitely learned a lot in this game that I'll carry into future ORGs that I play. I hope I surprised some people, I'm proud of how I played since it carried me here.

Gonna turn in for the night, probably confess for the last time in the morning. <3

Moments before FTC.

I've got my speech ready I think. I'm hopeful anyway. Crazy to think this will be my last confessional of the season.

I wanna thank the hosts for giving me such a great experience, I'm so happy this game happened to me the way that it did. I hope I win but even if I dont I still think I accomplished much, and I'm proud of how I did.

Day 39, this is Kori, signing off.

Last minute confessional because I haven't made one yet: I can't believe I made it to the end & I'm just glad I got to share my game at final tribal council. Do I think I played the best? No. I did what I could with what I was given & I did the mf'ing shiz. I fought for my Survivor life & made fire which I think is a pretty rad way to get here. I took out the wild straight white male who I think played a smashing game. I played how I wanted to & I had so much fun while doing so. Whether I win or lose, I'm proud of what I accomplished here & Elara is definitely not gonna be a game I'll forget. Thank you hosts for a bomb experience & for putting together a well run game~ WOOP WOOP

Well, it's the end now, I'll know soon if I won or if I'm runner up or 3rd.

I had an amazing time, and I'm sure reading back is sure to be interesting.

To anyone who's read my stuff, it may seem a little inconsistent or contradictory at times, it's usually due to a changed mindset or decision I make and forget to confess about, and for that I apologize to the viewers.

This has been an incredible experience I'm not gonna forget, and I'm glad to have gone through it with so many.

I just hope I get a single vote. xD

Kori wins Celestial: Elara in a 4-3-2 vote! Ci’ere came in 2nd and Roxy finished in 3rd.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/

[midsummer-dndingo]

Sometimes visiting someone patreon can really make you sick...

Just visited the patreon page of an artist that I love. And I want to cry. Its not a disgusted kind of sick I am feeling. Its one of despair. I want to vomit because I am so dissatisfied with my entire fucking life. Here there are, doing something they love. And making 24000 a MONTH off of it. A month! I just... I feel ill. They can make that from the contributions of other people who love their work. I can't even get up the motivation to DO the things I love, let alone profit off them. Why? Why do I have to be chained into this god awful job. Making literally a 12th of what they make. Maybe the work is important, sure. But I dont want to do it. I have no passion for this industry and I cannot leave it because I have to survive and make a living to continue having a roof and food. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate everything. I just want to get away from it all. ...why cant it stop. Why cant I do what I love... i dont even want to be that fiscally successfull. I dont want to be rich or make 24000 a month. I dont even know what Id do with that much money. But... it wont buy me happiness, but its comfort I am after. Just enough to not have to worry about the bills and the rent. And for heavens sake maybe be able to get a real house that I can modify and make changes to. And fix up and look nice. Have a little garden in the backyard and be able to afford to go out and eat occasionally. Just enough. I want to carve. Learn to make furniture of wood. Carvings and trinkets and jewelry. I want to write books. Stories. Shit. Finish writing the next chapter of the ongoing smut series I had going a while back. I feel like these things would lead to me being happy. But i havent the energy. Or the time. And what time I do have left after my work day is done. I spend on other interests. And while I know they get in the way of me doing what I want. I dont want to give them up either.... Fuck. Just fuck... i dont know how to do this. I think I am going to be sick... Just fuck me. Why does everything have to overwhelm me and make me so scared to try. I should just do these things. Ive contemplated making my own patreon... but how in the hell would I garner interest from my writing and carving... no one cares about it. Maybe my smut had a fan base, but I dont want to just write smut. And if I did write that and then tried to write my other novels, theyd be forever linked. "Oh kids, you cant read anything by THAT author. He writes gay furry smut too and we don't want you influenced by that garbage" Career tanked... And looking at pics of carved stuff just... wont cut it. Its pointless... The things I am interested are not marketable. My happiness is tied to hobbies that are not interesting to the general populace, and thus not marketable and will not earn me a living. Born a starving artist- I will die a frustrated, bored, angry, bitter old man who never could follow his dreams. Dreams dont pay..