#like i was hungover all of thursday and all of friday

[petruchio]

ive been hungover for like 48 hours now and im going out again tonight and again tomorrow night send strength besties

[princessbrunette]

can u do those outfit asks again!! i love seeing all the girly clothes!!

would you do like a week of kitty!reader's outfits iykwim? like sunday cozy monday like work

cozy, work attire, birthday party, at the beach, on the boat, w jj.. idk i need more of her wardrobe

what outfit would kitty!reader and bunny!reader be most likely to share? LIKE OMG matching outfits if kitty and bunny were friends for partying and stuff

a week of kittys outfits ♡

monday

kitty works a bartending / serving shift at the run down grill & bar. it’s a shitty shift and the customers are annoying and pervy but jj is working the same shift as a line cook so he occasionally pops out the kitchen to entertain her and cheer her up.

tuesday

a day on the boat with the pogues talking about their upcoming excursion. the hat belongs to jj, and it doesn’t go with her outfit so kitty doesn’t want to wear it — but she’s starting to get agitated from being overheated so jj forces her to.

wednesday

the pogues + kitty head off, getting caught up in the usual crazy dramatics, police chase, and dangerous escapades. kitty offers to hold jj’s gun in her girly little tote bag and he thinks that’s adorable, even letting her take a cute little selfie with it on her digital camera in the twinkie whilst the others scold him for letting her mess with it. running around in a denim mini skirt isn’t the most practical but jj isn’t complaining about the view.

thursday

debrief and wind down at the chateau to discuss their new discoveries. kitty is honestly just there for the vibes, not even sure why she’s involved but likes to be around jj as much as possible. mostly, she sits and reads and perks up when someone summons her.

friday

party time! they decide it’s best to keep a low profile and act like young people for once, forgetting their troubles for one night. however, it’s one of those rare parties where both pogues and kooks attend — meaning tensions are already pretty high, especially as rafe cameron does a full body turn to watch kitty reader walk past him, totally oblivious to his existence as she looks for the drinks table. jj however sees everything, and stares the kook down until john b yanks him away.

saturday

kitty works a short but hungover day shift at the bar before getting picked up by jj and taken back to her place. they have their usual saturday sleepover, and aside from copious amounts of sex, smoking and napping — kitty forces him into the usual girly activities like making cute little blood vials and reading his tarot. usual kitty things.

sunday

kitty runs errands with jj and end up at the chateau, hanging out, napping away the sunday scaries and eating pizza. the batman shirt was jj’s but its since been turned into a crop top.

[cheriladycl01]

Pub Crawl - Kevin Magnussen x MalteseOlympicLacrosse! Reader

Plot: Having attended university in the UK and becoming a professional at Lacrosse meant you often stayed in the UK but what happens when your offered the opportunity to compete for your country in the Olympics!

You and Kevin were used to the constant travelling. You travelled as much as you physically could with Kevin. You would train with your team during the week and then get a late night flight to whoever he was in the world late night on the Friday to try and get to him by Qualifying on the Saturday.

However, the last few weeks had been shambles, you’d been in a National match in the UK, seeing your teammates and training more after finding out you’d gotten a place in the Olympics on their Lacrosse Team for your home country Malta.

“Girls?” You say reading the letter with a shocked expression on your face.

“What, oh! That’s your Olympic letter!” One of your team mates from your English team squeals.

“I- I got in!” You cheer celebrating! You rushed all the way home thrusting the letter in Kevin’s face.

“Baby look! I’m going to the Olympics” you say before he even has a chance to read the letter.

“Oh my gosh, that’s incredible” he says lifting you up and placing a light kiss in your forehead before keeping you in his warm embrace rocking you side to side.

Then it was the British Grand Prix that you’d been able to go to from the Thursday to Sunday as you were already in the UK from your previous tournament.

It was a nice change for Kevin to have you their to support him for the whole weekend and it was nice to have him with you for your tournament, being that it was in a Tuesday.

“Ah don’t you just love the atmosphere of Silverstone, there’s only a few races I think beat this for the vibe” you smile leaning on the out wall, taking in the rare summer sun that had graced the track.

“Mmmm it’s definitely one of my favourites” he smiles. Kevin had been having a difficult season despite Haas actually doing pretty well thanks to Nico.

“I know it’s been a difficult season and I know they’ve confirmed that you aren’t … coming back to Haas but there’s other options right?” You smile encouragingly. He just shakes his head.

“I think … I think I’m ready to go. I want to focus on what’s important to me” he says reaching out for your hand and pulling it into his lap.

“Wait, really? Your retiring?” You ask and he nods.

“There’s so many things I want to start in life with you. Like a family … and I want to be there full time for it. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever race again but I definitely need a break”

You can’t help but just pull him into a hug.

“I want all of that too”

After the British GP, it was the Euros. Originally you were supposed to go with Lando, as you both had been invited by the English Team however all of your friends were watching on from a pub in the UK.

So you and Kevin stayed watching England vs Spain from a busy pub in the UK. Kevin loved pubs in the UK which ended up turning into your friends taking you guys on a massive pub crawl across London and drinking England’s loss to Spain.

Needless to say, you and Kevin had an incredible night but regretted it the next morning when you both woke up in your friends apartment hungover.

After that it was the Hungarian Grand Prix where you didn’t attend because you were off training in Malta with your team and making funny TikTok’s with your team gear.

You started training with your team, and you hadn’t spoken to Kevin in person in what seemed like ages where Spa was right after Hungary.

“Hey baby I miss you” you’d said to him on the phone that he was very close to.

“I know baby and I’ll be back in France soon! It’s not that far a drive from Belgium” he told you with a smile on his face.

Then a knock sounds from your hotel room door.

“Gimme one second, I think one of the girls is at my door” you say before running to open the door.

“KEV!” You screech dropping your phone and jumping into his arms.

“Hello Elskede” he smiles and you look shocked.

“W-what are you doing here?” You ask in shock.

“You don’t think I’d miss your first game do you?” He asks in a teasing tone and you pull him into a kiss.

“Thank you! I love you so much” you smile.

y/user

Liked by kevinmagnussen and haasf1team

y/user: It’s been a dream of mine to compete for my country since I was a little kid. Thank you Olympics2024 and Team Malta for giving me a shot on your Lacrosse Team 🇲🇹 🥍 🥇

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fan1: what a summer, we get the Euros, the Olympics and all these F1 races.

kevinmagnussen: I’m so proud of you. TEAM MALTA 🇲🇹

-> y/user: Thank you my love 🫶🏼❤️

haasf1team: Let’s go Y/N, sibt dan! 🇲🇹🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

-> Thank you! Well done on an incredible season so far! 🇺🇸

fan2: I cannot wait to see her compete! Going for Gold ⭐️

Instagram Story Caption:

Cheeky Stop in London before Paris begins 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿⚽️

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[crazyunsexycool]

My Little Love

Girl's Weekend

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Word count:2.4k

Warning: drinking, guns, fighting, bombing, Just women kicking ass, idk what else....

A/N: I wanted to write something that was Nat, Wanda and Sugar just for fun. This is mostly to show their friendship and it's a pre-Bucky x Sugar one shot. This takes place before the main series!

Series Masterlist

It was a rare moment in the compound. Usually there were always a few team members hanging around somewhere, especially on a Thursday night. But as luck would have it you were the only person from the main team to be in. You’d been on your own small mission and came back to find everyone else was out on missions as well. A weekend to yourself sounded nice. You’d been hanging out in your apartment when the door opened to reveal Nat in pajamas. She promptly sat on the couch next to you, taking the wine glass you’d been holding and taking a sip. You grabbed another glass and poured yourself more. The two of you watched tv and talked. A few hours later Wanda shows up and takes her place in an armchair.

For the next few hours the three of you joked, gossiped, did some face masks and drank more wine than you should have. Friday informs you that the rest of the team will be out for the next few days. Nat’s eyes light up when she hears that. No boys for three days, it was wonderful.

“This is the first time that the three of us have been together without the boys around.” Wanda says.

“We hang out, just us, all the time.” 

“Yeah but the boys are always around and they end up crashing our plans.”

“Especially Bucky,” Nat teases and wiggles her eyebrows. “I wonder why?”

“We are just friends.” You reply, you can’t help but smile. It was no secret between the three of you that you liked Bucky. 

“Anyways, we should take advantage and have a full girls only weekend. We start tomorrow with a spa day.”

“Then we go shopping on Saturday.” Wanda adds. 

Nat and Wanda look at you, waiting to see what you would suggest. 

“We could get drinks at that bar Sam mentioned.” 

“Yes.” Wanda exclaims with a big smile. 

“We could do brunch on Sunday and then go get our nails done.” 

“That sounds like a great plan.” You grab the wine bottle. “But for tonight we finish this off and have a sleepover.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ringing was pulling you from sleep. Then there was your name being called until you finally opened your eyes. It took a second to orient yourself. You were still in the living room. Wanda had her head on your lap and her legs over the arm rest while Nat rested her head on your shoulder. Her arm was wrapped around your midsection and she even cuddled closer. 

“Agent Y/L/N, there is an urgent call from director Fury.” 

“Put him through, thank you.” You tell Friday. 

“Finally.” You hear Fury’s annoyance. 

“Sorry Fury. What’s going on?” 

“Are Romanoff and Maximoff with you?” He asks.

“Yes sir.” You nudge both women until they start to stir. 

“There is a terrorist group we’ve been tracking for a while now. Intel suggests they are making a move at the U.N. Summit that's being held this weekend in Brazil and you need to leave within the next hour in order to stop them. I’ll send the rest of the information to you so that you can go over it on the jet.”

Both women were up and alert although the three of you were slightly hungover. They started getting up once Fury hung up. 

“Meet at the jet in 30.” Nat says. 

“But my head is killing me.” Wanda complains. 

“Don’t worry I’ll bring the hangover cure for us. Just go get ready.”

“So much for a girl’s weekend.”

“Maybe next time, ladies. See you on the jet.” Nat mutters and walks out followed by Wanda. 

You rush to your room to put a go bag together quickly. Then you go to one of your spare rooms where you keep your tactical suit, well stocked first aid kits and weapons. After grabbing what you needed you put on your suit and headed to the jet. 

****

You were second on the jet. Nat was already in the pilot’s seat, the lights of the screens lighting her face. It was still the middle of the night so hopefully you made it to your destination with enough time. Wanda shows up a few minutes after you do. 

“Ok, before we take off I have to give you each the hangover shot. We have to be clear headed on this mission.” You say while looking through your medical kit. 

“Please do.” Wanda sticks out her arm while her eyes are still closed. “I also brought coffee.” 

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“How did you even come up with this?” Nat asked as she rolled up her sleeve.

“I made a joke about it to Bruce but he took it seriously. We worked on it for weeks.” You give a little shrug. “It works great so you won’t hear me complaining.” 

Once you were done Nat went back to the pilot’s chair while you and Wanda strapped in for take off.  After the jet was airborne and headed in the right direction Nat joined you at one of the computer stations. You’re typing away before the information Fury had sent pops up over the conference table toward the center of the jet. You both join Wanda and go over everything. The plan has basically been laid out for you by the agent that’s been keeping tabs on the group. Nat makes some changes and adds back up plans of course. Wanda adds her input and you offer your point of view. The three of you work well together. You all have different sets of skills that complement each other and cover the gaps. Naturally Nat takes the lead which is fine by you since she has more experience than you and Wanda put together. By the time you get to Brazil you’re confident everything will work out fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smoke and debris settled around you. There was a ringing in your ear from the bomb that had gone off. As you coughed you searched the area for the person that had dropped the bag with the bomb. 

“Y/N? Answer me.” Wanda sounded desperate as she called your name and then Nat over comms. 

“I’m here.” You coughed. “Suspect is on the move.” 

“Don’t go after him.” 

“I have to, he has another explosive in his possession.” You say between coughing.

“Wanda head north, I’ll meet Y/N.” 

You start to run, yelling at the civilians in your way to get out. There was debris all over the lobby of the building you were at but you were a few steps away from the door. Outside Nat’s motorcycle revved and you quickened your step. She was literally right in front of the doors. You didn’t waste any time and hopped on behind her. The motorcycle bounced as Nat drove down the stairs. She swerved through the traffic jam while you communicated with Wanda. 

The three of you met up again at a government office building. People were screaming and running out. Some of them had some type of purple dust on their clothes and skin. It was very obviously causing them pain. 

“There on the second floor.” Nat pointed up to a row of windows where your targets were walking by. 

“If I can get up there I can distract them while you get everyone out. Then we meet and finish this.” You said, looking over at both redheads. They nod in approval. “Ok Wanda, can you get me up there?”

Red magic pulses around her hands and in her eyes. “Of course I can.” 

You reach into one of the pockets of your suit and grab a small respirator to place over your face. It automatically activates and covers your nose and mouth. You extend your hand out and pull the door of a car that had crashed nearby. The metal bends at your will until you form it into small orbs. 

“Ready?” Wanda asks. 

You nod and watch as red magic swirls and lifts you. As you fly toward the window the metal orbs you made shoot forward and break the glass. You land on your feet and immediately start to fight against the group of people causing havoc. Plumes of purple smoke hang heavy in the air. It makes your eyes sting but you push forward.

The metal from the bangles you always wore and the metal from the car door bend to your will. One moment metal is draped over your chest as bullets are shot your way and the next moment little pellets are flying through the air to hit their target. 

The harder you fought the more it seemed like people kept coming at you. Still you kept forward, deep into the belly of the building until you got to the center. The atrium of the building had seen better days. Where once was a large sculpture at the center there was now rubble and dust. The stairs that connected the ground floor with the rest of the building had taken a hit, leaving gaps in the stairs. The decorative plants and benches were all destroyed. People were hiding behind whatever they could as the group of terrorists waved around guns and even took a few shots.

On the ground floor, Nat and Wanda were fighting back and trying to help anyone they could. You sent small metal orbs that hovered around you to shield a small group of bystanders from bullets. The action caused the attention to be moved to you. You duck behind the concrete railing as they start to shoot.

“Keep them distracted.” Nat said as she started to form a plan. “If you can get them all on the stairs we can take them out in one fell swoop.” 

“I can do that but I’ll need help, Wanda can you get on the stairs behind them?” 

“Just say when.” Wanda answers. 

You peep over the railing just enough to see below again. The huge sculpture that laid on its side was made up of glass, wood and metal rods. You could work with that but first you concentrate on the guns the group you’re fighting has. The muzzle of the guns closes so that they can’t be used.

“Their guns are useless now. It should give you an advantage.” You say through comms. “Wanda, I want you on those stairs in two minutes. Keep them in place. Nat, get everyone you can out.” 

They both confirm and you count down before popping up and running towards the top of the stairs. Some of them try to fire but their guns malfunction and just explode in their hands. Just as that happens Wanda takes her position, distracting the group while you begin to move the metal rods, bending and shaping them to your will until you manage to capture every single person that was part of the terrorist group. 

When everything was said and done, you, Nat and Wanda managed to save a lot more people that were hiding within the building. The group that had tried to sabotage the Summit was stopped just in time. With your part of the work done you headed back to the jet. 

“You know if we hurry we can still do some of the things we planned.” Wanda says as she buckled herself in. 

“And if we do our mission report now we can technically take Monday off.” 

“Well what are we waiting for ladies? Let’s get the rest of this girl’s weekend started.” You say as you grab your Avenger designated laptop and start typing away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were laughing at something Wanda said as you made your way to the large living room. As you sat down the men all walked in looking battered, bruised and tired. They dragged their feet and collapsed on the first seat they could. The last person to enter the room was Bucky. He scanned the room until he saw you and the tiredness he had disappeared. You involuntarily smiled when you made eye contact. Bucky made his way toward the empty seat next to you. 

“Hey.” You greet him when he plops down next to you. 

“Hey, how was your weekend?”

“Nothing special,” you look over at Wanda and Nat who had joined the group. “Just stopped a terrorist group down in Brazil. No biggie.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise, even Steve who had been talking with Clint and Sam about their own mission stops mid sentence and looks your way. Nat starts talking about the mission with you and Wanda jumping in and adding details.

“You should’ve seen Y/N, she took this huge sculpture and used the metal pieces to detain about ten guys. It was very impressive.” Nat says, ending the story. 

“Please, I couldn’t have done it without you or Wanda.”

The guys complimented the three of you on your team work. When you look at Bucky he has a soft smile and pride in his eyes directed your way. 

“What?” You ask him. 

“Nothing. You just always say you’re afraid to use your abilities but you did good. You saved people.” Bucky smiles again. “You should be proud.”

You dip your chin to hide how flustered you feel.

“Anyway, it was good to see you boys but we are just heading out.”

“Where are you going?” Sam sits up and starts to put on his best pouty face in hopes of getting invited. 

“Sorry Sammy but it’s a girls weekend.” Wanda informs them and grabs your hand to pull you up with her. “Don’t wait up.”

You start laughing when all of them begin to explain why inviting them would be better. As you head out you look over your shoulder at Bucky who looks like a lost puppy, already missing your presence. Wanda pulls you along though. Nat stays behind and watches you before turning to Bucky. She rolls her eyes and sighs when Bucky gets up and starts walking out of the room. Just as he’s about to walk past her, she speaks up.

“Fine you guys can come. We’ll still go ahead and get enough tables.” She announces and turns to Bucky. “I’ll even make sure you get the seat next to Y/N. But you should make a move soon Barnes. She isn’t going to wait forever.”

Bucky watches her walk away and smiles. All he wanted to do since leaving for this last mission was to come back and see you. Now he’d at least get to hang out with you. He didn’t care that your girl’s weekend was ruined.

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[tumbleweed-writes]

Now That I Have You: Chibs Telford X Original Character. Chapter Five

Previous Chapter HERE

Chibs sat back at a table in the clubhouse, a short fat glass of Jameson in front of him and the noise and the usual chaos of a usual night at the clubhouse around him.

Though Friday nights were always the biggest, most insane bashes, Thursday nights were almost just as crazy. It was like a small pre-party though with much fewer people in attendance.

Of course most nights at the clubhouse always held a party type of atmosphere. When you had an area that was predominantly occupied by bikers and croweaters and added in booze and the occasional drug use then a wild time was bound to be had by just about everyone present.

Chibs sipped his Jameson slowly wanting to pace himself for once in his life. The last thing he needed was to be hungover and in a sour mood tomorrow.

He could imagine a girl like Molly would be unamused if he showed up to dinner hungover. She didn’t seem to be the type to not see signs of that kind of overindulgence as anything other than a red flag. The last thing he wanted was for her to write him off as some old drunk who couldn’t even stay sober long enough to have one dinner date with her. 

He felt his stomach begin to knot up again at the thought of tomorrow night and what was to happen. He felt lost as how to approach this. He wasn’t even entirely sure of what this was. 

He still felt some confusion over just what tomorrow night meant. Was it a date or wasn't it?

Yes Molly had said the words it's a date, but wasn't that just a figure of speech?

What if he showed up tomorrow expecting that this was some kind of first date and it wasn't a date at all? Or vice versa, what if he showed up not expecting a date and it was a date?

He wondered how this had all become so confusing. Then of course women were complicated enough all on their own.

He had almost forgotten just how confusing women could be. Fiona had been confusing but she’d usually been brazen enough to make the first moves. Fiona had technically been the one to propose. After they’d had a close run-in involving a gunfight with some loyalist Englishmen during their fight for the cause she’d been the one who’d snapped at him: we’ve been together long enough. Ya almost got shot in the head. Are ya goin to marry me or not?

He’d been barely twenty one years old and he’d been so dumbfounded by her insistence that they were getting married that he’d only nodded and agreed that it was about time. They’d been in a romantic relationship since they were seventeen after all and they’d been friends since they were fourteen. She had been his first love. It had felt uncomplicated and she’d never been afraid to call all the shots even when he’d been a hardheaded young man. 

He cringed at the thought of his estranged wife, her rejection of him still stinging. 

He would always love Fiona he was sure, he just could not love her in the way he knew he needed to. She would always be his first love, but that love was clearly no longer there. She loved her life in Belfast and he loved his life in the states. She was dedicated to the cause and Chibs was dedicated to SAMCRO. 

The only thing they agreed on was their love for their Kerrianne. Chibs was certain he would always love Fiona as the mother to his child and she would always love him as the father to her child.

That was not enough to build a life on though or in their case to rebuild a life.

Jimmy O’ was dead and gone, but he’d fractured the lives he’d touched. Chibs knew that there was no going back to the life he’d known prior to Jimmy O’s attack.

He was not the same man he’d been in Belfast fighting for the cause. Fiona had grown even more dedicated to the cause and more intune to her faith. Chibs was unsure of what to believe anymore. He believed in a God but was certain he’d be punished by him. Chibs believed in SAMCRO. He still believed in the concept of a free Ireland…but he was aware that the cause was riddled with its issues; greed being a huge one. People got greedy and more interested in other ventures than the company line of a free Ireland. He felt jaded by his interactions with those still intune with the cause. 

He was left feeling tired more often than not when he thought of his past and the things he’d done as well as the man he’d been. He was uncertain of the man he was to become. 

He sighed knowing that he was determined to move forward with a life without Fiona Larkin. 

Something in the back of his brain worried he was using Molly as a crutch to deal with the complex feelings he had towards his estranged wife and daughter. 

Molly and her boy had felt so pure and had given him a chance at a safe haven of sorts. How else could he explain why he was putting so much effort towards them both.

Something in the back of his mind feared that he was diving so quickly into whatever this might become with Molly, due to his own heartbreak over the family and years he’d lost to Jimmy O’.

Another voice in the back of his mind told him that this was not some strange coping technique. He felt genuinely good around Molly and her child. 

They looked at him without fear and reservations. They were new in town and were not quite aware of the reputation SAMCRO and the Sons had around town.

Right now Molly Garrett thought that Chibs was some sort of angel; a godsend to Mason and she.

It made Chibs' heart constrict when he realized that she might not see him as such an angel once she found out the truth.

It would be bad enough when she found out about Fiona, but it would be a disaster when she found out that SAMCRO was more than just an innocent club of mechanics who happened to be motorcycle enthusiasts.

How would she feel once she found out that her godsend was a criminal biker with an estranged wife whom he hadn't quite gotten around to divorcing?

He feared she would view him the same way many of Charming’s residents viewed him.

Chibs knew people around town outside of the Sons innercircle perceived him as the dangerous biker who was more than likely operating on a not so legal side of life.

People feared Samcro. At one point the club had been seen as a necessary evil of Charming. They kept corporations out and kept the small town atmosphere that the residents craved in place.

As time wore on and violence had escalated within the club that sense of SAMCRO being a necessary evil had faded.

The San Joaquin sheriff's department had absorbed the local police department. SAMCRO no longer had the law in their pocket. Sheriff Rooselvelt was no friend of SAMCRO. 

Chibs had risen up in the ranks serving as Jax’s SGT at Arms. It was a position that placed him in harm more often than not. He was meant to serve both as a protector of his club pres as well as an enforcer for the club.

It was a role that demanded a certain level of violence. Chibs had no shame in acts of violence. 

Times were changing and Chibs had found that chaos was a way of life.  

Molly and Mason seemed so pure and he feared tainting them with the chaos and the violence that came wit him. He was certain that if either knew of the violence and chaos that came with his world, they would no longer see him as friendly helpful Filip who was fixing their car and had attempted to fix their home’s ac. 

As sure as Chibs was sure he was not worthy of Molly and her boy, he found himself unable to deny what his heart screeched it wanted.

He wanted Molly and he liked being around her son. He wanted to be in their lives. 

He was unsure if he would be Molly’s salvation or her damnation, but he was unable to change the path he was headed down with her.

 This was the first time in a long while that he actually had a woman around that he cared for.

It was perplexing knowing that he cared so much about a woman that he hadn't known for very long. And it wasn't just her. There was her little boy as well.

It was safe to say that Molly Garrett and her little boy had found themselves wrapped around his brain and possibly even his heart.

It seemed as though every time he thought of Molly Garrett and his blossoming feelings for her and her boy his stomach seemed to find itself in dozens of little tight furled knots.

It seemed that there was no way to smooth out these knots and feel some sense of hindsight. He had no sense of knowing exactly where this was all heading.

He knew that he wanted this, whatever it was, to be a long-term thing. Which wasn't going to be easy of course; especially once Molly found out the truth about him and SAMCRO.

Chibs ran his fingers along his forehead trying to loosen the tense headache that was forming there.

He was tempted to tell Molly to get Mason and herself far away from him before this all turned out to be a huge complex mess for the three of them.

He knew that he couldn't force himself to do just that though.

The thought of her being with someone else, having someone else tell her son silly stories, and someone else doing nice things for her just because they wanted to see her smile all made him feel as though he could vomit.

Chibs knew that he wanted Molly. He wanted to be a part of her and her son's lives more than he wanted oxygen itself.

The want and the need outweighed the risk of damage every time he balanced it all out.

He would rather have the chance to be a part of their lives than go on living having known that he'd never even tried.

Chibs looked up from his glass of Jameson as an attractive petite redhead who called herself Denise sat in a barstool all too close to him.

She batted her over the top neon pink false eyelashes at him as she leaned over all too willing to allow just anyone to see down her shirt. The shirt had at one point been just a plain Motley Crew band tee, but she had long ago taken scissors to it giving the shirt a very low v-neck. The work with the scissors had made the pink leopard print bra she wore noticeable.

At one point in his life Chibs would have amused her. He would have happily taken her back to his dorm room in the clubhouse and fucked her before telling her to get out of his sight. 

He found that he felt no desire for her. He just wanted her to go away. 

Denise spoke her voice seemingly stuck in a pouty whine that sounded more infantile than sexy and sweet. "What are you doing here all alone looking so tense for, Chibs?"

Chibs let out a sigh hardly in the mood for have even a conversation with the croweater at the moment. He took a drink from his glass of Jameson as he spoke hoping that it was clear from his tone of voice just how not in the mood he was. "Bein alone."

She stuck her bottom lip out a frown on her face as she heard his short response. "What fun is it being all alone though?"

He rolled his eyes, annoyed that Denise clearly wasn't getting the point that he wanted to be alone on purpose.

Tig leaned down beside the redhead all too happy to scoop in and grab a croweater who was seemingly ready to go. "Don't mind him doll. He's just caught up in that sweet little milf of his."

Chibs slammed his glass down, his voice lowering to a dangerous level. "Don't ya ever talk bout her like that."

Tig either didn't detect the threatening level in Chibs' voice or just didn't care as he spoke up chuckling. "Damn that must be some sweet pussy if you're that wrapped up in it. When you're done with her, pass her my way."

That was all it took for Chibs to stand up, knocking his barstool out from behind him as he raised a fist charging for his brother.

Thankfully Bobby and Juice were close by to hold both Chibs and Tig back from bashing each other's faces into a bloody pulp. Bobby taking a hold of Tig and Juice taking a hold of Chibs, both men holding the others arms back out of punching range.

Juice spoke up doing his best to calm Chibs as he pulled him away heading for the entrance to the clubhouse for some fresh air. "Calm down man. Come on let's go smoke a cigarette."

Chibs unwillingly allowed himself to be led out front to a picnic table near the garage. It was out away from all the chaos of the occupied clubhouse and parking lot.

Chibs' fists were still clinched even as Juice sat beside him. Juice said nothing as he pulled out a familiar baggy of a very recognizable plant and a little container of rolling papers.

Juice finally spoke up as he rolled a perfect joint. "What's going on with you, brother?"

Chibs took a deep breath trying to calm his rage as Juice lit up the joint inhaling before passing it over. Chibs took it and inhaled the sticky sweet smoke doing wonders to calm his anger.

It seemed that Juice always had some sort of herbal remedy to life’s problems, rather it be pot, or a mint green tea colonic, or just some sort of frightening looking healthy organic smoothies.

Chibs spoke unsure of what to say about his blowup with Tig as he passed the joint back to Juice. "I don't know...I jus...Tig talkin bout her like that…makes me want to bash his teeth in, she's somethin special."

"Are you okay with the kid?" Juice asked, knowing just who she was. He was just glad to be there to listen to his brother's problems.

"Aye...kid's somethin special too...they've been through a lot...Pretty sure from what I’ve seen, she’s run from somethin dark. Her husband may have hurt her…It makes me feel sick. She’s so soft and so innocent…I can’t comprehend someone hurtin her…hurtin her boy…I wanna be there fer em." Chibs admitted the pot relaxing him and making him a little chattier.

Juice furrowed his brow taking in Chibs’ suspicions about Molly’s past. “You think she’s in danger?”

Chibs felt his stomach drop considering the question. He imagined it was a possibility. Men who bruised their women like what he’d seen of Molly’s back…they didn’t let women leave. He gritted his jaw hating to say the words. “Aye, possibly. She’s goin to be once she files fer divorce. The thought of her goin through that alone, alone with her boy…makes me feel wretched.”

Juice nodded, taking a deep breath inhaling and holding it in before he spoke releasing a cloud of smoke as he brought up the elephant in the room. "Does she know about SAMCRO? She looking for protection she might get from the MC?"

"Not much of the truth...She don’ know ‘nough to seek our protection…I'm afraid of what she'll do when the truth comes out...Friad of losin her." Chibs admitted glaring down at the pavement below him his heart constricting at questions of her safety and how his life might be perceived by her.

Juice frowned as he passed the joint over Chibs gladly accepting it. "You gotta tell her the truth eventually man...Her reaction is just going to be worse if you wait to tell her for a while. As far as protecting her from what you think she ran from…Pretty sure the club would be there. We protect our own and if she’s yours."

Chibs nodded his head knowing that Juice had a point. He would have to come clean.

He swallowed the lump in his throat at the mention of Molly being his and what that would mean for her safety.

To be honest he was unsure of what she’d make of the MC protecting her. He was almost certain she’d take it as a sense of danger instead of protection. 

He shook his head letting out a chuckle changing the subject not wanting to approach any of this at the moment. "Geez...look at us talkin bout feelings...It's like a damn chick flick."

Juice laughed at this statement knowing that Chibs had a point. He spoke again knowing that he wanted to make something clear to Chibs even if it did sound like a chick flick. "If it's meant to be then she'll stick around."

Chibs gave his brother a smile, Juice's words giving him a sense of comfort no matter how chick flicky the moment was.

He knew that Juice had a point. If it was meant to be then she would remain by his side.

The truth couldn't stay buried forever. He knew she would figure out just who and what he was eventually. She would discover who he was might offer her a sense of safety. 

Chibs just hated thinking of how she would react to the truth and the safety his life could provide her from her past.

Chibs knew it was probably selfish but he didn't want to lose her before he even got to know how it was to have her.

..................................

Molly knelt down in front of Mason facing the boy as they stood in the entryway to Tara Knowles Teller's house.

Molly ran her hands through Mason's newly cut hair, messing it a bit.

She had taken him to the barbershop today and had gotten Lloyd to give Mason's hair just a little trim, just enough that the hair wouldn't be hanging in her son's eyes.

She had been too unwilling to let the hair become far too short. Molly was attached to the massive curls that her son's dark hair seemed to have.

Her own hair had been just as curly when she'd been a child.

Molly spoke up her voice firm but still full of love in the way only a mother's voice could be. "Now you be a good boy for Mr. Jax and Mrs. Tara. Listen to them and remember to say please and thank you."

Mason nodded his head as he leaned in and kissed his mother's cheek. "Okay, mommy. I love you."

"I love you too baby." Molly stated pressing a multitude of kisses to the boy's cheek knowing that in just a few years he would fuss if she tried to be too affectionate.

She stood up as Mason's hand was taken by Abel's, the two boys running off towards the living room and the selection of toys spread out there.

Tara spoke as soon as the children were out of earshot. "I see he's over his quiet phase."

Molly nodded her head, unable to hide the admiration and affection from her voice as she spoke up. "Chibs got him to start talking...I don't know what he did but it worked. I just walked into the room and he was telling him some outlandish story about being a pirate and Mason was talking his ear off."

Tara smirked hearing the bubbly appreciation in Molly's voice when she mentioned Chibs.

Molly felt her cheeks flush when she realized just how clear it was that she was gushing over the man.

She cleared her throat as she handed Mason's backpack to Tara, her worries over letting Mason spend the night away from home once again clear in her voice. "His inhaler is in his backpack...sometimes if the asthma attacks get too bad I let him drink some tea. It’s just a splash of a hot cup of decaff tea that I make in the kettle..I add a lot of milk and just a dash of sugar. I think the steam helps him...sometimes I let him sit in a warm bath too. If he needs something more I’m just a phone call away."

Tara gave her a smile recognizing the maternal worry in her voice. She spoke clearly, a little amused. "I know Molly...I'm a doctor."

Molly smiled, feeling her cheeks flush even more, feeling foolish for being so overprotective. She was sure that she sounded like an over sheltering nutcase. "I'm sorry...this is only the second night he's ever spent away from me…My ex wasn’t big on him being out of the house."

She bit her tongue, stopping herself from elaborating. She didn’t want to mention the fact that Brian didn’t really want Mason in sight in the home either. Brian had expected Mason to remain in the plantation’s playroom out of sight out of mind. 

"It's okay. He had a blast last time and he was a perfect little angel. And I have your new cell phone number so I can call if anything comes up." Tara assured her trying to calm Molly's clear paternal worries.

Tara was unable to stop herself from speaking again. "So, tonight's date night?"

"I think so...I'm not sure if it's really a date though... I don't know if it's a date or not, to be honest. I failed to really establish if it was a date or just a thank you dinner." Molly admitted giving the woman who was slowly becoming a dear friend an embarrassed smile, her cheeks surely as red as a cooked lobster by now.

Tara raised an eyebrow wanting to point out that Molly was clearly dressed for a date.

Though Molly's clothing was quite casual, a pair of black shorts that came down to her mid thigh, a pale blue scoop necked form fitting T-shirt, and a pair of flat black strappy sandals.

It was clearly an outfit that could work for a casual dinner date as well as a day out around town.

Molly had brushed her hair thoroughly leaving it down allowing it to do what it did naturally, curling a little at the ends. She had done her makeup lightly though her lips were the same red strawberry color that they had been the day of Abel's party. She had worn her same rose scented perfume.

Her nails were freshly painted though with an aqua blue color on both her toenails and fingernails. It was clear that she had taken care to make sure that her nails looked flawless even if they were short.

"You look really good. He'd be blind not to think you look gorgeous. Trust me, it’s a date." Tara pointed out trying to smooth out the woman's nerves.

Molly smiled wondering if it was that transparent that she had tried to dress up a bit more than usual.

She had taken special care to make sure that she was ready for the night.

After getting Mason's haircut she had taken the boy with her to the grocery store which seemed to be the only grocery store in Charming, to get everything she'd need for dinner tonight.

She had splurged a little buying two nicely sized good cuts of steak along with two fat baking potatoes as well as a small salad kit.

She had almost picked up a cheap bottle of white wine, but she had been unsure if Chibs was a wine drinker. He didn't look like the type that would be interested in a cheap bottle of red wine. He seemed more of the beer and whiskey type.

Molly had felt at a loss as to what to make for this dinner she’d promised, so the steak dinner had seemed like a safe choice. Didn’t most guys like steak?

And besides a steak would be a nice change from the kid approved meals that she had been making for the past two weeks.

Spaghetti, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and grilled cheeses could get old really fast, even if you did shove veggies on the side which you had to negotiate your kid to get them to eat.

She’d always loved cooking and missed cooking more complex foods than worrying about Mason’s palette.

She was trying her best to introduce her son to new foods. He had a few classics that he would eat; gumbo for instance and jambalaya as both were common dishes where they came from. He would eat most pasta dishes even when she snuck broccoli and spinach in. He would even try Indian food when she’d bought it back home though she’d had to choose low spice levels.

Brian was the one who was so particular about food. He didn’t like her cooking to be honest. He was a meat and potatoes type. Molly liked trying new foods and recipes. Most of her attempts to make anything that Brian deemed out of the norm were unappreciated though. 

She took a deep breath trying to steady her nerves. It had been such a long time since she had been on a date.

Her dates with Brian had always felt more as though he was calling the shots. He chose where they went, what they ate, and what they talked about. She was just along for the ride.

It had been a long time since she had to plan the date. It had been a long time since she’d felt this excited about a date.

She was anxious to realize that this was a date with someone who seemed to be a dream come true. 

He was so wonderful to Mason and her son seemed to adore him. Chibs seemed to be exactly what her son needed.

He’d been so sweet with Mason, so ready to tell him a silly story and play along with the child’s naivety. It was never something Brian would do. He was unamused by silliness. 

She was beginning to suspect that Chibs Telford was what she needed too; a good man. She knew their interactions had not been that in depth.

But she liked to think she had a good sense of who he seemed to be. From what she saw Chibs was someone who was gentle and kind. He was willing to be silly with her son and get a laugh out of her. He was willing to go out of his way to do something considerate of her without expecting anything in return.  His interactions with her and her son showed that he was someone who would never think of raising a hand to her.

She was a little worried about getting involved with someone so quickly after she'd escaped her hellish marriage.

Part of her was afraid of falling back into the same patterns with men; dating bastards.

She couldn't picture Chibs ever being anything like Brian though. Chibs was different from any man who she'd ever even considered.

From what she’d observed so far he was an angel despite his appearance. 

Brian had been falsely soft and gentle looking like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Inside he had been merciless and cruel. Brian had proved time and time again to be just plain selfish and heartless.

Chibs was so different from anyone she'd ever been attracted to. He was like a contradiction, so rough on the outside but so tender on the inside.

She almost feared that the perception she had of Chibs was all a lie. An insecure voice in the back of her head warned her that she would find out that he was just as rough and as hateful as Brian.

She closed her eyes for a moment pushing these worries back into the dark recesses of her brain.

Chibs was different, and this was going to turn out to be a good decision for Mason and she.

Molly embraced Tara in a tight hug as the doctor said exactly what Molly needed to hear. "You're going to have a great night."

————————————————

Chibs was thankful that he had finally gotten Molly's air conditioner up and running last week because the air outside was heavy and warm even after the sun had gone down….well he hadn’t gotten it running in the end, but he’d called a friend in for a favor who had fixed it all with the understanding that Chibs owed him one.

Still though, the inside of the home was now blissfully cool despite the heat of the Northern California summer. 

He had stopped by a florist on the way to Molly's little rental house. He hated to admit that he found himself feeling a bit like a chump when he had walked into the little florists looking clueless as to what he was looking for.

Thankfully some salesgirl had taken sympathy on him and had suggested a small bouquet of pink peonies.

The salesgirl had told him that peony meant beautiful in Chinese. The flowers also stood for happiness and prosperity in the language of flowers...apparently flowers all had different meanings according to this salesgirl. He wasn't sure if he quite believed her but the idea was appropriate.

So here he was standing at Molly Garrett's door, a bouquet in one hand and a grocery sack with beer in the other hand.

He had been thankful that he'd gotten the bouquet and the beer here undamaged on his bike.

Now that he stood here he felt far more nervous. What if this wasn't a date and he'd just bought her a damn bouquet like it was one? He would look like a fucking idiot if that was the case, he couldn't help but to think.

He took a deep breath telling himself if this wasn’t a date he could always just sell it as him bringing her flowers as a nice friendly surprise that had no romantic angle at all. It would be a hard sell but he was certain he could talk his way out of embarassment. 

Any worries he had disappeared though as Molly opened her door a smile appeared on her face as she spotted the flowers.

"Fer you." Chibs blurted out feeling less than eloquent as he handed over the bouquet.

Molly took them from him, her cheeks flushing as she let him into her house. She had spent the past hour doing a mad dash around the place cleaning it until the place was spotless.

The place was clear, the toys were in Mason's room and the junk mail had been thrown away. The floors had been swept and the furniture had actually been polished. Moving boxes had been tossed out and any unpacked items had been placed in her bedroom hidden from sight.

She spoke feeling a little speechless at the sight of flowers, as she headed to the kitchen, Chibs following her closely behind. "Thank you, they're beautiful."

Chibs nodded his head thinking about telling her what the salesgirl had said about what peony meant in Chinese, but quickly decided that it sounded stupid when he said it. "Yer welcome. Is there anything I can do ta help with dinner?"

Molly shook her head, refusing the help though she could use it, as she put the small bouquet in a tall glass with some water knowing that she didn't own a vase. "Just keep me company, please."

He considered taking off his kutte but left it own telling himself that the weapons he kept concealed under it would spook Molly. He had debated leaving them at the clubhouse, but had decided against it. An unarmed Son was a dead Son. 

Chibs took notice of the old looking acoustic guitar in the corner of the living area beside an old banjo and a violin case. He spoke as he headed back to the kitchenette placing the bottles of beer down on a cabinet. "Ya play instruments?"

Molly shook her head smiling. "No, just the drums and a little piano…I sort of dabble in the banjo but I’m not that great at it, I don't have my drum set anymore...the rest of those instruments were my fathers... he played the piano too but I don't own one. I am pretty good with a piano. I might get one one day just for the sake of having it. I miss playing it to be honest. I might be nice to teach Mason too…I miss the drums too but I don’t have a clue where I’d even place a set if I had one. I just unpacked the instruments I do have. I just haven't figured out a place to put them all yet. I hope Mason will be interested in the violin at least so it’s not just sitting around collecting dust. My dad had way more growing up, a trumpet, a cello, pretty sure we had a tuba somewhere too. He could play anything honestly."

"He's a musician?" Chibs asked, deciding that her family seemed to be a safe topic of discussion though he knew that it would lead to talk about his own family.

Molly nodded her head as she began to stir some caesar dressing into the salad she was making. "He was...he passed away when I was eight."

'Sorry ta hear that." Chibs blurted out wondering if her family was such a safe topic after all.

Molly nodded her head in response, not wanting to get into the mess that was her family tree. "It's okay, You didn’t know. He was a jazz musician. He taught lessons when he wasn’t performing."

She had been quite close to her father growing up despite his issues.

Though her father had been a gifted musician, he had been troubled. Mental illness, alcohol, and heroin had often clouded his viewpoints.

After years of her father medicating his schizophrenia with drug use and booze he had come to a very disturbing conclusion about his life. He had decided that it was better for his family if he were to die than if he were to live.

She didn't want to talk about the fact that her father had hung himself in the old home they'd owned. She knew she didn’t want to explain that she’d found the body. She didn’t want to talk about how her mother had lost that home to the bank, moving them into a trailer and being forced into the role of a working mom.

Molly knew she didn’t want to mention how she had never felt completely safe again after her father’s death. 

She so did not want to talk about how she had gone for the first man to promise her a happy life, her soon to be ex husband.

She changed the subject to what she hoped would be a happier topic. "What about your parents? Are they back in Glasgow or Belfast?”

Chibs cringed spilling a bit of his own family history. “My ma died when I was thirteen, my da left long before that. I was bout eight when he ran off. He wasn’t missed.”

She grimaced at the information. She was really fucking this up wasn’t she?

She cleared her throat her voice soft. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alrigh. Ya didn’t know.” Chibs remarked parroting her words.

He spoke again a small smile crossing his features. “I got a sister back in Belfast, Cait. She’s a schoolteacher, Maths. Never coulda been me. I hated school.”

“I hated it too…I think I was more interested in having fun back then. I liked college well enough.” She replied a small chuckle leaving her lips thankful that the conversation seemed to be moving along without too many hiccups.

She spoke again a soft sigh leaving her lips. “I have to pretend school is great now…one thing that sucks about being a parent. I am so hoping Mason doesn’t take after me. Kindergarten was okay for him…he starts first grade in a few months and I am hoping he likes school more than me.”

“Aye, boy seems like a smart lad. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Chibs reassured her sounding so certain of his words.

“Mason really seems to have taken to you. I don't think he's ever talked so much about someone." She admitted while on the subject of her son. 

It was a true statement; her son hadn't stopped talking about Mr. Chibs since the man had somehow gotten him to open up.

Chibs smiled at the comment, it comforting him. "He's a great little lad...like I said though last week, he's got a ma to thank fer it."

Molly gave him a smile, the comment warming her heart. She tried not to get misty eyed as she confessed something. "Thanks...to be honest most of the time it feels like I'm playing a losing game... being a single mom isn't a walk in the park... I'm finding that out fast."

"Yer doin perfectly...that boy's lucky ta have a ma like you...And ya don't gotta do it all alone...ya got…people who care bout ya here. Ya made a friend outta Tara…I’ll be round too, if ya need me" Chibs stated almost saying the words: you have me. 

He was almost certain it was too soon to make promises of her having him. He had a feeling that promising her too much too soon would be a disaster. 

She smiled, wiping any stray tears that were threatening to spill out. "That means a lot to me , Filip. Like I said last week...I don't know where I'd be without you. You have been an absolute godsend."

"I aint that much of an angel, Love." Chibs admitted wondering if now would be the time to confess the type of person he really was.

He didn't have a chance to consider getting into the truth about who and what he was as Molly spoke again. "You mentioned a daughter? A teenager?"

"Aye a girl...She's just turned fifteen. Her ma and her are back in Belfast, it's their home. Drove me crazy leaving her there, but it's the only home she knows. I...it wasn't possible fer her to come with to the states with me when I arrived bout a decade ago...I ain' a deadbeat, I promise ya. It's a long story, a story fer another time." Chibs admitted his stomach churning fearing she would not buy his line about him not being a deadbeat.

He also omitted the fact that he and Fiona were still legally married though the relationship was over. He imagined the status of his marriage was a complicated matter he could not get into right now.

Chibs swallowed the lump in his throat wondering if he should get into the messy story about Jimmy O'Phelan, the man who had scarred his cheeks and taken his family from him. The man Chibs had killed.

He frowned knowing it was a story that would scare Molly. He was a killer. Jimmy O' was not the only man he'd killed and he would most likely not be the last man Chibs killed for the club. Molly could not hear that story, not right now. 

He knew his past with his girls was a long story; a painful long story. He had to fear that the details of it would horrify the woman he was quickly growing so fond of. He knew he'd have to slowly reveal that chunk of his past to her and pray she'd understand and not fear it. 

"It must drive you crazy being that far from her." Molly pointed out as she tossed the salad tongs in the already soapy sink frowning at the deadbeat mention. She was skeptical but a voice in the back of her head told her that someone who seemed to be as sweet as him could not be the type of man to just abandon his kid. There had to be more to the story than he was ready to tell. 

She was willing to take his word for it at the moment. She had to hope that he was being honest in his intentions to share the story with her another time. 

He sighed knowing the full story about his distance from his child and the years he'd missed out on seemed like too much of a sob story to tell a woman on a first date. "Aye It does drive me a little batty at times...Like I said though Belfast is the only home my baby has ever known though...I see her as much as I can manage ta get away."

"That's extremely honorable... putting your daughter's happiness above your own, doing what seems to make her the happiest...What's she like?" She asked, wanting to hear more about his child.

The smile on his face when he'd mentioned his daughter was one of pure bliss. She wouldn't mind seeing that smile more often.

Chibs smiled again at the thought of his daughter. "Her name is Kerrianne. The Anne came from my ma and the Kerri came from a friend of my ex. She's bright, too bright fer her own good, shy for her age, and she's very considerate of those around er. She's got a few friends that she seems ta adore...no boyfriend yet, thank god fer that. She wants ta be a doctor...and I'm sure she can do it as bright as she is. She didn't get the smarts from me."

Molly smiled at the praise of his child and the clear relief that there seemed to be no boyfriend yet.

She knew just how stressful it was to become a doctor, you had to be sharp and have the compassion and the dedication to do it.

She knew that she could have never gone to medical school to become a doctor, going to school to be a phlebotomist was hard enough all on its own and the schooling wasn't nearly even comparable to medical school.

"What do ya do at the hospital...ya said ya work with Tara?" Chibs asked, curious about Molly's life outside of her role as Mason's mother.

"I'm a phlebotomist...It freaks people out a little bit I think. Knowing that I pretty much deal with needles and blood samples all day." Molly admitted expecting to see Chibs' face pale at the mention of blood.

Chibs chuckled at the mention of her work. He spoke, teasing her a bit. "Ah so yer a bit of a sadist then...stabin people with needles and makin em bleed. Remind me not ta piss ya off love."

She laughed at his jesting lightening the worries she'd had over this entire dinner turning into one huge disaster. "Yep I wouldn't suggest making me mad. Just remember I know where all the body's major arteries are."

He smirked, tempted to lower his voice to a more husky tone and ask her just how much she knew about the human body. He kept his inner pervert under wraps though as he spoke. "So, how do ya like it in Charming?"

"It's so different from New Orléans. It's a little disconcerting to walk downtown here and not see drunk tourists." She admitted.

"Sorry ta disappoint, Love...we keep most of our drunks locked up." Chibs blurted out, finding it easy to joke with her.

She laughed again, her laughter music to his ears. She spoke up as she opened the stove checking on the baked potatoes. "I like it here though. It's a nice change from what I'm used to. I was a little scared that I wouldn't fit in here. It can be lonely sometimes though...being in such an unfamiliar place with a child."

She paused clearing her throat. “What about you? I know you’ve been here a while. What do you make of it compared to Belfast?”

Chibs shrugged his shoulders knowing he could not go into detail about why he’d been forced from Belfast. She didn’t need to know about the True IRA or his involvement in it. “I am content here…I miss things bout Belfast and Glasgow too. There’s nothin back there fer me though…jus’ my little girl in Belfast, but I’d have no way of livin there in the long term. My life is here in the states. I became a citizen years ago. I hold duel citizenship now, but I have no desire to return to my home country or Ireland. I know I’ll remain in Charming. It’s a decent place to be, found my path here with the garage and…the club.”

He paused not wanting to give her a chance to enquire about the club. He spoke again, clearing his throat. “It’s a good town; small and comfortable. I bet ya will find it preferable to the city. It’s quiet and peaceful, much more than most places. It’s a good place to raise yer boy.”

She closed the stove as she spoke again beginning to feel a little weepy at the thought of her son. "I'm just hoping Mason can adjust...he starts school in the fall. I don't want him to look at me and think that I'm lonely and think that it's how things are supposed to be."

Chibs watched her eyes water a little, unable to stop himself from leaning in towards her. He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek as he spoke. "I don't want ya to be lonely either, Lass. I can promise ya I’ll make sure yer not lonely."

She turned her face facing his, her face flushing under the intensity of his gaze. She looked down at his lips not helping but to wonder just how they'd feel against hers.

He stared into her eyes fully entranced by the little flecks of honey brown and green that made up her irises, Christ, she really was beautiful, he couldn't help but to think.

They didn't say a word as they closed the space between them; Molly was pleased to find that his lips were in fact wonderful against hers though they were a little chapped and his facial hair tickled a little. Chibs was overtaken over just how soft her lips were against his. They were soft and plump and so gentle. The kiss stayed gentle, neither of them wanting to push things too far too soon.

She placed her right hand over one of his scarred cheeks leaning in fully to the surprisingly tender kiss. He smiled melting against the touch to his cheek realizing she was the first woman he’d allowed to touch them aside from Fiona. The touch Fiona had given him had always held a twinge of guilt. The touch Molly gave him felt adoring and held a sense of awe.

His hands found her sides resting over her hips wanting her to remain as close to him as possible any thoughts of his ex fading from his mind. 

All he could focus on was Molly and how delicate and perfect she felt against him. This was a place he could remain until the sun burned out and the oceans rose enough to flood them all. 

The kiss ended far sooner than they’d hoped, they reluctantly pulled away from one another as Molly's new cell phone began to ring.

Chibs unwillingly allowed her to slip away from his embrace as she went over to the coffee table in the living area answering her phone. He watched a sense of longing washing over him he wanting nothing more than to urge her to forget her phone and press her lips back to his. He felt a sense of smug satisfaction wash over him at the realization that her face was flushed not by the heat of the stove but by the feel of what Chibs and she had just done.

Chibs frowned as her face went from joyous to saddened within a few minutes. She spoke her voice clearly full of worry. "Okay, Oh, Gosh. He’s okay though, right?”

She paused for a moment before speaking again. Thank you, Tara. I am so sorry. I'll be there."

She spoke, her voice growing frantic as she closed her cheap flip phone. "Mason is throwing up...I don't know what's wrong with him...I need to go get him and bring him home."

Chibs nodded his head, the disappointment over their kiss ending going to the back of his mind as worry over the little boy became his main focus. "I'll drive ya to get him in yer car."

She nodded her head going to shut off the stove leaving the food out on the counter, as her need to get to her child became her main focus.

She grabbed her purse and her keys as Chibs approached her his stomach churning surprised he felt a sense of worry over her sick child.

Chibs felt a sense of contentment despite the current situation as Molly took his hand in hers their fingers lacing together.

He squeezed her hand trying to provide her comfort, as he led her out to her little bug locking the house behind them.

This wasn't an ideal end to the evening; a sick child and a ruined dinner, but her hand holding on to his made it all seem perfect.

[giadavazquez1963]

"lost in the 80s" - my metallica dr-based fanfiction!!

chapter one: hungover at the beach 

I woke up to the sound of my roommate (who’s simultaneously my ex-boyfriend and best friend), Dave, throwing my bedroom door open, yapping about how it’s time for me to wake up. It’s 9am on a Friday, band rehearsal is on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and it’s never this early, so why the fuck is he waking me up now? Naturally, instead of getting up, I pulled my covers over my head, avoiding the light that was making my head pound so hard that I felt like a vampire with light sensitivity issues. I was incredibly hungover from the night before, we spent all night drinking and partying, celebrating our album coming out soon, finally finishing another song after weeks cramped in that tiny studio going over the same riffs. I’ve never been much of a partier or a drinker like the others, but it was Lars that convinced me to “loosen up and have a drink,” and he can be oddly convincing so I joined; turns out I am in fact a lightweight and I’m facing the consequences. I spent the night avoiding the crowd while Jasmine and Lars kept pulling me back into the crowd while I was getting called a “poser” by some random guy because my favorite band is Eagles and not some underground, guttural thrash metal band, and arguing with James. Pretty much everything else was a blur. 

The sound of continuous car horns honking outside and Dave non-stop yelling “Wake up, wake up, waaaakkkeeeee uuuuuuppppp!!” finally got my ass out of bed. I stumble into the living room to see two packed tote bags on the counter, and James leaning against the same counter fidgeting with his rings. 

“What are you doing here?” I say with a scratchy morning voice and already an attitude brewing at the quick sight of him.

“Waiting for you?” He said, scoffing. “We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago, Giana.”

I pause, a confused face starting to form while I just stare blankly at James and wait for him to tell me what’s going on. He lets out a sigh and says “We’re all going to the beach? It was your idea, said something about shark spotting or shark swimming.” Then it clicked!! There’s a place on the beach by a secluded cliff where you can see and swim with nurse and leopard sharks, so of course, my face lit up almost in a second as I giggled and ran to my room to get ready as fast as possible. I could hear James’ footsteps getting closer to my room as I tried to do my skincare, hair, and get my shit together so we could just go. “Someone’s excited,” he said with a slight smile. I try so hard to be nice to him but everything he says just makes me want to blow my brains out.

“Get out of my room.”

“I’m not in your room?” He was leaning against my dresser? So, yes, he was?

“I have to get changed, get OUT.” He stood there with a smug smile on his stupid face. “What do you want? You’re not allowed to borrow shirts anymore after you stained my Scorpions shirt.”

“I don’t wanna borrow shit, can’t I just stand here?” He wanted something, I just couldn’t figure it out. 

“Is your life goal to annoy me?” 

“Oh, of course it is, Giana. And I'm never gonna stop.” God, that fucking man makes me want to bash his guitar right over her head. Sorry. 

“Alriiiight, I’ll just change in my bathroom since you wanna be a fucking creep,” I said while making my way over to my bathroom, I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull as I closed the door. Like, 5 minutes went by and I was finishing up putting my bathing suit on, some short-sleeved compressed bathing suit top and bikini bottoms, and I could hear James fidgeting around with shit in my room. I opened the door and saw him trying on my rings? 

“Can you put them down and stop invading my privacy more than normal?” 

“What are you talking about, Giana? You said I could try your stuff on, do you not remember?” I think he’s sarcastically gaslighting me?

“Okay, shut up and get out now,” I grabbed his shirt collar and started to pull him out of my room. He turned around and latched himself in between my door frame, and  with a big grin on his face, he said “Giana, if you wanted an excuse to get your hands on me, you could’ve just said so. You know I wouldn't say no, pretty girl.” 

“Will you say no if I ask you to shut up or die?”

“Fuck off,” he said while rolling his eyes and walking away, finally. I finished getting ready shortly after and walked into the living room, the tote bags were gone and so were James and Dave; I swear I thought they ditched me til I heard a car horn and Tori yelling “Giana!! Hurry up, we’re losing daylight!!” I rushed downstairs and out to the car, and to my surprise was James leaning on the drivers’ side of my car. I walked over and nudged him, kind of a subtle hint for him to move it.

“Quit it, Gia, I’m driving.” He said, annoyed. 

“Like fuck you are, get off my car, Hetfield.” There’s no way he’s driving my car?? He roughly but not painfully grabbed my arm and said “Like fuck I am. Tori doesn’t trust you driving with someone else in the car at more than 55 miles an hour, especially me, so you’re stuck in the passenger seat, puerquito.” Ever since Jasmine and I met, he’s picked up on some Spanish from eavesdropping on us, and ever since he found out that puerquito means “little pig” in Spanish, he’s been calling me it for months because apparently, I make a mess and defile everywhere I go like a pig. How sweet. 

“Dear God, there’s no way you’re dri-”

“Save it because I am,” he said with the biiiiigest and most obnoxious smile on his face. 

“Do I at least get to pick the music?” I said, hoping I would since I’m not trusted in my own car. 

“Yeah, ‘course. I brought your guitar if you wanna play along too, even if you suck.”

“Okay, asshole, I do not suck?”

“Right, right, I forgot, you swallow.” Face went blank, no one laughed, and I swear I hate him more every second. Before I could respond, Tori yelled at us both to get in the car so we could finally leave. And if I forgot to mention, James is by far the most insufferable person in a car, and even more so when he’s the one driving. He pretends to not pay attention to freak me out, he messes with the stereo, he sometimes misses the exit, he’s just all-around someone you don’t want to be stuck in a car with for more than 10 minutes. And this place was an hour and a half away.

Roughly 30 minutes into the ride there, I’d conned him into listening to Hotel California by Eagles at least 5 times, specifically the cassette that my dad had made for me by using his old tape recorder so I could hear them play live since I wasn’t old enough to go. James tried to weasel his way into changing the tapes but all of my cassettes are stored under the passenger seat for safety when I lock the car at night. “Giana, I’d be on my hands and knees begging for you to change the song if I weren’t fucking driving right now. Just. Change. The. Tape.” I loved being able to aggravate him with no way for him to do anything, he does it all the time so why can’t I?

“Mmmmmm, wonderful offer honestly, but you didn’t even say please?” I playfully taunted him. He tilted his head at me while rolling his eyes, “Change the song, Gia. Please? I can’t take it anymore, both you and the song are giving me a headache, so would you be so kind as to change the song?” He smiled softly before letting out a sigh. 

“Since you asked so kindly, of course I can, James,” I flashed him a smile and went to change the tape, which was unknowingly to him, another Eagles tape.

“Thank you so so much, sweet girl.” Trying not to giggle. “You know how seriously I hate that-” before he could finish, Nightingale by Eagles began playing loudly and I started headbanging softly as soon as it started. “Oh, coooomeeee oooonnn. As if their music isn’t bad enough, you have to go and headbang to it?” 

“You’ll get over it,” I smiled and sang along to the lyrics. 

Finally, after what felt like ten million years, we made it to the spot. Everyone got there before us and since the cliff was a little more hidden, no one was there but us. Tori was rubbing sunscreen over Lars’ already red back, Jasmine was laying her towel down, Grace was off to the side setting up the stereo, Dave was sitting on the edge of the cliff and unaware that Cliff was about to kick him off in a millisecond (it’s not too high up, he’ll hopefully be fine…), and James sat our bags down under some shade of the tree hovering over this secluded little spot. I gave Grace my cassettes and I went back over to quickly get my shoes and cover-up off. Just as I finished taking off my shirt, I turned around and James slammed right into me, his chin hitting my forehead; since I was close to the side-edge of the cliff, I would’ve fallen had he not grabbed my waist and pulled me away. He had a slight look of concern on his face, one hand around my waist, the other moving my bangs out of the way to see if there was a mark. It was all very… much. But a good much. “Shit, you’re bleeding a little. Does it hurt badly?”

“No, no, I’m fine, James-” he touched it and it stung, so as a human reaction, I winced. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he said while giggling a little. Tori, Jasmine, and Lars were all very obviously staring while James used his thumb to wipe off the blood, everyone else was just minding their own (which is what they should’ve been doing as well, those invasive little shits.). “What? What’s wrong?” He turned to look at what was making me hold back laughter, and saw them staring shamelessly. 

“Get a room, you gross gremlins,” Tori said, making Jasmine and Lars burst out laughing. 

“Oh, come on, guys. I was just trying to be-” 

“Save it, twink!” Jasmine said in instant rebuttal to James” attempt at defending his relatively flirty actions. 

We all laughed it off (except James) and moved on with our exciting day. After a few minutes, I went over to the edge of the cliff after everyone jumped off; Lars grabbed Tori and they dove in together, Dave failed an attempt at a cannonball, Cliff had to quietly convince Grace to join in since she was invested in a Vogue magazine and had her walkman on full blast, Jasmine did a run and jump, and all that was left was me and James. “You gonna go or you just gonna stand there and be a pussy?” James asked, teasingly.

“Ha ha,” I laughed sarcastically. “For your information, I’ve never cliff-dived before, so my bad if I’m a little nervous.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and just go before I push you in.”

“Do not.”

“Then go.” I was debating whether I should let him or not since it would take me another 10 minutes of convincing to jump off a 30 foot cliff. It was a little laughable that this was my idea, but in my solid defense, I didn’t know it was this high. “Taking so much time to make a little jump off a little cliff, Miss Vázquez. Need my help?” He sarcastically asked while staring at me.

“No, no, I can d-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, took too long to answer, so you’re coming with me,” and my life flashed before my eyes as he wrapped his arms fully around me with full force and dove off the cliff with me. It’s easy and obvious to say that day was not quiet like I was anticipating, but in fact full of him getting on my nerves and not letting me have a moment of serenity. I fell asleep on the ride home while “Peaceful, Easy Feeling” by Eagles played quietly in the back.

working on the next chapter :)

[kristannafever]

She Ain't Gotta Do Much - 8

Kristanna Modern AU Rated: M WC: 2886

Chapter Index

-----------------

The rest of the week went just as smoothly as Kristoff had hoped.  Not only that, Tony wanted a week to prep for closure, and then he and Sven were going to get to work on the renovation.  Apparently, there was indeed a new deli going in a block over, and Tony didn’t want to waste much more time bringing his place up to date.

By quitting time on Thursday, Kristoff and Sven had meandered around finishing the install of all the doors and helping staff by moving heavy furniture here and there.  Everyone only had the best things to say about the two of them.

Both of them beamed all afternoon.

Anna joined them for a celebratory beer after work which turned into celebratory shots, which turned into Anna catching a cab home at midnight – she did have to work the next day after all – and Kristoff and Sven having a very inebriated and deep conversation about how they both felt they’d found the women they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. 

Apparently, Sven was just as smitten as Kristoff was, and it was refreshing to him to hear his friend talk about a woman in a future sense.  Perhaps it was the same for Sven when he talked about Anna.

They both agreed that the direction of their love lives, and the direction of their business, were looking better that they ever had.  Sharing a cab back to Kristoff’s because it was closer, Sven admitted the truly dark fears he’d had before they landed Anna’s job, and how relieved he was that things were turning around.  Both men got emotional to the point where they looked out their respective windows and blinked back tears that formed in their eyes.

Back at Kristoff’s, they each had a night cap neither of them needed, and Sven collapsed on the couch face first.  Kristoff threw a blanket over his friend then stripped to his boxers and crawled into his own bed.  His only thoughts were of Anna, and how he could not wait until he saw what she had in mind for his spa day on Saturday. 

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

He arrived at noon, as Anna had requested.  He buzzed her apartment, and to his surprise, she said she’d be right down.  He stood there on the sidewalk in the fall sunshine, waiting to see what was going to happen.

She appeared out of the building doors in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans, and he loved it when she wore stuff like that.  Then she pulled him into a deep kiss and he forgot time and space until she pulled her lips away from his. 

“Can you throw your bag in your truck for a minute?  I just had an idea before we start your spa day.”  She said the last two words with a raised eyebrow and devilish look.

He was helpless to comply.

They walked north, chatting about how their Friday’s had been.   Kristoff’s had been fine.  He’d woken early, despite the hangover, and worked on the other quotes in his room until he heard Sven stir.  They’d taken themselves out for a greasy breakfast, and caught a cab back to the Pub to grab their vehicles.   Sven announced as he was about to get into his car that he didn’t want to see or hear from Kristoff until their work meeting on Monday morning, which Kristoff was more than happy to oblige.  

Anna told him she was hungover as well, but since it was the office placement day, she was able to spend the majority of if setting up her brand-new space.  Which hungover or not, she took great delight in. 

Five minutes later they were at an intersection with a strip mall.  Anna mentioned that she had planned for them to take a walk in the evening, but since there was rain in the forecast, she changed her plans for them to go have a nice lunch at the new Italian market that had gone in a month prior. 

They ended up splitting a caprese salad and a porchetta sandwich on Italian ciabatta.   Afterward they each had a Cannoli, and Kristoff had never had one that had tasted so fresh.  Apparently, it was made with mascarpone and not ricotta.  The entire meal was actually quite light, considering.

Afterward they walked back to Anna’s and Kristoff retrieved his bag from his truck, his body tingling again with the thoughts of what was to come.  Once inside her place, he noticed that the sky was indeed starting to darken to the west.

The next thing on his spa day apparently, was an actual spa thing.  Anna wanted to give him a facial.  She said she’d taken a few courses in various things here and there in the year before she committed to college, and she had every intention of doing it to him.

He relented, with mild chagrin.  He really didn’t want one, but he was not going to hurt Anna’s feelings.

Then five minutes into it, he nearly fell asleep.  She had started with a warm washcloth, gently cleaning then exfoliating his skin with something that smelled kind of nice.  It was wonderful.  He hadn’t realized how much stress he’d been carrying until all of the sudden she was massaging it out of him.  Then she put some moisturizer on her hands and worked it into his skin and he’d never felt more relaxed to have someone touching him like that. 

He was sitting with is head laying on the back of the couch, Anna standing over him from behind for lack of an actual masseuse table to do it on, and he hadn’t even realized she’d stopped until her lips met his.

Upside down.  Like that stupid spider-man movie.

And fuck if it didn’t feel as good as they made it seem in the films. 

That was the end of his facial. 

As much as he wanted that kissing to continue, Anna changed direction by turning off all the lights in the living room off except a floor lamp in the corner that offered soft, dim lighting, bringing him a nice cold bottle of beer, and turning on the TV to the one show he’d mentioned in passing on their first date that he’d wanted to catch up on sometime.   She snuggled into him with a glass of wine and they watched in perfect and comfortable silence as the sky grew darker outside.

After the first episode, Anna refreshed their drinks and brought in some popcorn and snacks.  It had started to rain, making the ambiance even more cozy than it already was.  Kristoff was enjoying the hell out of himself, and yet in the back of his mind, he could only think about kissing her again and not stopping. 

At the end of the second episode, Anna asked him how he was liking the show and he told her that he was very much enjoying it, and yet something about her demeanor suggested she was just as distracted by their proximity as he was.

He knew this was not what she had planned, but his lips went to hers anyways, and the kisses became a frenzied passionate need for each other in the blink of an eye.  She tasted like Twizzlers and white wine and he could not get enough of her.  Every fibre of his being was crying out with euphoria as they made their way to her bedroom, stumbling and kissing and undressing each other the entire way.

By the time they reached her bed, they were both in their underwear and physically unable of pulling apart.  They remained kissing passionately until Anna whimpered in the back of her throat and Kristoff stopped only long enough to lay her on the bed, crawl over her, and kiss her again.

It took some more time before they were both naked under the sheets, their mouths almost constantly pressed together through the entire endeavor.  Then the passion really started, when Kristoff moved his caress to her thighs while he kissed her, working inward until he could touch her the way he’d imagined since he’d met her. 

She gasped as his fingers worked.  He listened to her wordless cues and knew exactly what she wanted.  The way her body writhed under him made him harder than he thought possible.  And then she pulled in a shocked breath and came undone in his arms, gripping him to her as though her life depended on it. 

By then his mind was wild with desire, and he asked gruffly where she wanted him.  Understanding, Anna forced him onto his back, straddled him, and kissed him again.  After that his thoughts went blank except for the deep intensity he felt for her.  The attraction.  The devotion.  The love.

All the time he’d imagined them coming together didn’t include this level of pleasure he was feeling.  When Anna seemed to be on the cusp a short time later, Kristoff knew he was almost spent too, intending to join her.  And as they both climaxed, the room went bright with light and thunder cracked a split second later, killing the power and leaving them in complete darkness while they rode out their gratification together. 

*****

Anna woke from their nap first, the feeling of absolute contentment washing over her all over again to find herself snuggled against Kristoff’s side.  They’d laid in bed in the dark, listening to the storm move off before they both fell asleep, and neither of them had moved an inch.

Her mind whirled lazily with happy thoughts.  Anna caressed her hand gently against his bare chest, needing to simply touch him but not wanting to wake him.  He remained breathing deeply as Anna enjoying this moment to herself.

She had no idea what time it was.  The power was still off and her phone was somewhere in the living room.  Not that she cared.  So, okay, her rest and relaxation day for Kristoff hadn’t quite gone as she’d planned, but one could hardly argue about having mind-blowing sex instead.   And although she didn’t know the time, she knew by the light behind the dark curtains that there was certainly enough left in the day to find themselves joined together again.

Kristoff stirred a few moments later and let out a deeply satisfied exhale when he woke and found Anna snuggled against him.  He moved his head to the side and pressed a kiss onto her forehead.

“Well, so far, this has been the best spa day of my life,” he said slowly.

Anna chuckled.  “Yeah, things kind of got off the rails there.”

“Hmmm.  So what was the plan anyway?”

“Well, I wanted to the facial first.  I knew you’d be apprehensive, but it wasn’t like a full facial where I start digging out your blackheads or anything.”

“Gross.  Thanks for not doing that.”

Anna laughed.  “You don’t have many.  I probably have more.  But anyway, I wanted to massage your face because I remembered that it activated your sympathetic nerve system which relieves anxiety and stress.”

“It certainly felt relaxing.  I could have fallen asleep if you didn’t kiss me.”

Anna smiled in the dark.  “I couldn’t help myself.”

“I’m glad.”

“After we watched the show, I was going to order whatever food you wanted, then after dinner I was going to give you a full body massage which was supposed to lead where we already went, so I guess things are just a bit out of order.”

“Ah, order is overrated.”

“It certainly is.” 

“Then what?”

“Well, there’s a hockey game on tonight, so I thought we could watch that here, or if you were up for it, we could walk down the block and catch it in the Pub.”  Anna shrugged against him.  “I had kind of just planned for you to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.”

“I am very much that.”

“Good.”

Kristoff was silent a moment before he spoke.  “You know, you don’t have to pamper me.  I would be just as relaxed and comfortable whatever you wanted to do.  You just… you don’t have to do much.  At all.  I’m just in.  You know?”

Anna grinned to herself.  What the hell had she ever done to deserve this man?  “I feel the same when I’m with you, Kristoff.  And I look forward to when we do the date thing you’d planned for today.”

“It’s probably better we postponed it anyway, with the rain and all,” he said, slipping out from her grasp and sitting up.  “It was an outside activity.”

“Ooh.  You going to give me a hint?”  Anna sat up as well.

He laughed.  “Nope.”

Kristoff stood and Anna could just barely make out his naked form as he moved through the room.   He found his shirt discarded by the door and slipped it over his head. 

“Any idea where my pants ended up?” he asked. 

“Um, the hallway, I think.”

Kristoff opened the partially closed bedroom door and left the room.  “Oh yeah, here’s my underwear too,” he called from the hall.

Anna chuckled and started to find her own clothing.  It was brighter in the hall with the dim light coming in from the kitchen windows, and she dressed quickly to find Kristoff dressed and standing in her living room, staring out the sliding glass windows to her little balcony.

“Looks like it’s pretty socked in,” he commented.  “What do you want to do?”

Anna walked over to him and spied her phone on the end table.  She tapped the screen and was a little surprised it was already just about seven.  The hockey game was set to start at eight.  And since they still didn’t have any power, she had a suggestion.

“How about we walk to the Pub anyway.  Maybe they have power on that block, then we can eat there and catch the game.”

Kristoff turned towards her and pulled her into an embrace.  “Sounds amazing,” he said, and leaned over to kiss her. 

-----

Their team was winning by three goals when neither of them seemed to be able to ignore what was building up between them again.  They paid their tab hastily and started to walk back to Anna’s.  The sky opened up again about half way there.

Apparently, they forgot all about the umbrella they’d walked to the Pub with.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, Anna plunged her hands into his damp hair, pulling his lips tighter against hers.  Her need for him was immense. 

They undressed each other in a mindless fervor when some sense came into Anna’s head that they were naked, going at it in full view from her living room window.  She mentioned something between his kisses and then all of the sudden she was airborne in his arms as he carried her quickly down the hall and threw her on the bed.  He stood there looking at her for a moment with adoration, then he was on her an instant later, and Anna eagerly awaited what was to come.

“You do have tattoos,” he muttered as he kissed down her neck.

“Huh?” she asked, not understanding why he’d said that.

He pulled his head up and stared at her a second.  “What did I say?”

“You stated… that I had tattoos.”

He smirked.  “Well, you do.”

“You didn’t see them the first time?”

He chuckled low.  “No, actually, I missed them.  Too distracted by other things.”

“So, it was something you were wondering?”

He grinned.  “That, and other things.”

“What kind of other things?”

He hummed as he started kissing her shoulder.  “If you had any piercings.”

“You must have at least noticed that I don’t.  Except my ears.”

He laughed and spoke against her shoulder.  “That I did notice.”

“What else?”

“How many freckles were on your body.”  He shifted and kissed his way down between, then onto her breasts.

“Quite a few,” she sighed, as he took his time.

“I know,” he mumbled.  “I intend to kiss them all.”

Jesus Christ the things this man could do to her.  “I wondered things about you too.” 

“Such as?” he asked, taking a break to look up at her.

“Well, pretty similar things.  I didn’t really wonder about any piercings per se.  You don’t seem like the type.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely not.”  He kissed her body again.

“I was a little surprised you don’t have any tattoos.”

His head came up.  “Not yet.”

“You’re not opposed to them?”

He shook his head.  “Not at all.  Just haven’t found anything I felt warranted inking on my skin.”  His head went down to kiss her and he brought it back up quickly and smiled.  “Yet.” 

Anna hummed happily and curled her fingers up into his hair as he resumed kissing past her belly button towards the part of her that was throbbing. “I did picture you naked about a hundred times as well,” she admitted. 

“I hope I didn’t disappoint,” me muttered against the skin right above her aching desire. 

“Oh definitely not!  I was quite delighted actually, and… sat… satis…. Oh God.”

He put his mouth exactly where she wanted it and words left her mind as her body lit up with pleasure.

---

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[henswilsons]

omg mia ok this was from ages ago but i was the person who was trying to find biscuit tea and all the other ones u were discussing but i couldn't find it in my country -- i still haven't found any BUT i managed to snag tickets to one of taylor's london shows next year so i will be uk bound in a year from now?!?!?!??! and u best believe i will be bringing an entire empty suitcase to fill up with all your tea (and other snack) recs!!! <3<3<3

omg!!!!!!!

ok firstly - CONGRATS ON SNAGGING TICKETS!! and thats so cool you're coming to london omg!!! my hometown 🤩 also you are the CUTEST i respect the dedication to hunting down biscuit tea. can confirm it SLAPS and with some oat milk and honey and/or sugar *chefs kiss*

also the can of worms u have opened with this question....oh anon

ok so absolute musts that i will put under the cut:

foodwise:

biscuit tea ofc, personally my favourite variety is the one you can get from tesco but aldi does a fairly excellent dupe as well

also get a pack of digestives and dunk one in. digestives are *chefs kiss*

also speaking of biscuits JAFFA CAKES ! if u are not a chocolate orange girlie then these may not be ur cup of tea however they are incredible and i have been known to hoover entire packs in one sitting (plus aldi has a jaffa cake tea which is also a+)

(also percy pigs. if u can snag a bag of percy pigs i highly recommend)

fish n chips if u are a meat/fish eater. dont go to a fancy restaurant for it, find a good chippie near u, that's where the best (and cheapest) fish and chips come from

also if u are a meat eater, u gotta do a full english breakfast. it hits even better if ur hungover but it truly is peak british excellence

pub lunch!! it is essentially a variety of (admittedly overpriced) fried foods but a pub lunch is like the quintessential british experience. especially with a good pint if u are a drinker. also i will say you will never be more than 100 feet from a pub so if in doubt duck into one of those

if u can, grab hold of scones (british scones i mean, the ones that americans call biscuits) with some clotted cream and strawberry jam. oooooomf its so good. also be warned there are some politics involved with whether you put jam or cream first so be prepared to swear into a bloodoath the first time u make one

places:

central london can be a lot but if ur around defo check out buckingham palace, it's so beautiful!! it's also right beside st james's park which is soo nice to sit and get an ice cream at (ps if you can make it for changing of the guard it's actually kinda cool! afaik it happens at around 11ish every monday thursday friday and saturday (but double check that) but its soo fun)

if u can avoid oxford street. its just so busy and crowded there and u will not have fun LOL

a personal recommendation is the huge waterstones in piccadilly, it is actually a dream there

kew gardens!! its a lil bit out the way but its sooo gorgeous there, it's a royal botanical garden and especially in the summer its so nice (plus if you're a ted lasso fan richmond is also super close by for that so you can pop down !).

if you can, try pop to the west end ! you can get tickets pretty reasonably cheap if youre okay with not incredible seats and there's always a bunch of super cool things playing.

natural history museum and also the science museum!!! do i need to say any more, theyre SO cool. and natural history has a life-size dinosaur model called dippi and she's my whole world

camden markets and borough markets are also super cool and u can always find some really funky things there. i got the cooolest pair of earrings and my sister is collecting borough market bowls like a mad woman (plus camden has a food market stall which is also v nice!!!)

im so sorry i feel like i honked at u like a tour guide but for a first-time uk visit these are all my top suggestions!!!!! i hope ur london trip goes SO well next year (and keep ur fingers crossed i can join u by snagging a uk ticket in the general sale next week 😩)

[nardonotes]

20 oct '24

10:30pm

when was the last time i wrote an entry... (* °ヮ° *)....... like 4 days ago? let's recap.: ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ)

17th, thursday: WAS A CRAZYYYYYY NIGHT..... like i literally did not even meant to get that drunk. i was supposed to have a quiet night with three of my good friends out in the city, yk just a few drinks here and there... THEN BOOM. im drunk as fuck, i am everywhere... trauma was dumped and a lot was said! (ᵕ—ᴗ—) but it's ok because i genuinely did have a good time before things escalated...... we got the bus back home and i was in bits... like i was in so much pain i just wanted to die!!!!!!

18th, friday: i was hungover as shit yall.... (╥﹏╥) i was struggling so bad but half way throughout the day i was fine. im so glad i took placement off cause holy shit i would have DIED. and i drank some electrolytes after i ate and cleaned my room and took a shower and i felt soooooo much better :D

19th, saturday: WAS SOOOOOOOOOOSOSOSOSOSOOOO FUN!!!!!! i haven't had a good time like that in so long. it was my friend's birthday party with their other friend (joint) and i made them a mix and got their friend a little vintage expresso set thing. (｡>﹏<) i was so worried they wouldn't like it but they were so happy about it and im so glad. i met so many cool new people and even an old friend,, so im really happy things went the way they went. it was just literally pure vibes- i had no problem with anyone, we watched LPS POPULAR (i got hooked.) like i could say so much more about last night but im genuinely burnt out T-T just know it was so fucking fun !! and i am so happy !!! i felt so comfortable in that setting too :DD those people are super fucking chill and just hilarious,,,, like all of them had my sense of humour it was GR8. ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ i didn't even end up sleeping.,,

TODAY!: my dad picked me up then and we dropped three others by the bus stop :33 i fell asleep on the ride home and the second i woke up WE WERE IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE!! i knocked OUT!!!!! ｡-ᆺ-｡ .. was so tired from allat..... oh i forgot to mention, i didn't drink much like literally took a few sips of some 4loko and drank sooo much water and ate sooooo much food and there were shrooms around but i had enough self control to not- BUT i did smoke a lil weed because god bless some of that fr ‎꜀( ꜆-ࡇ-)꜆

anyways,, i had a really good time. a hectic week but still managed to get outta this week alive! i woke up at like 6pm, ate some food and took a longggggg long longgggggggg shower. also cleaned my room bc it was sooo needed. i do need to change my sheets tho grr... ( •̀ - •́ )

i'm about to have another really busy week ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)  and then i have midterms.. i also have that date on the 27th..... no idea how that's gna go now that we've barely stopped talking. not sure if she's even into me as much i am towards her but that's fine cause im not attached like that, more like butthurt "( – ⌓ – )

ok my back hurts and i have class in the morning,, so ill get some rest (•̀ - •́ ) goodnight!!! this was probably a BOOK to read.

song of the day: Sweet Delusion by Bella Poarch .. so good idgaf.¯_(ツ)_/¯

[deborahotero]

My shadow exploring Gros Morne National Park, Fall 2018.

Freeform Friday | Divine Timing

"Before you call you are answered, for the supply precedes the demand." - Florence Scovel Shinn

Florence and I are a little late, I know, I'm sorry - but better late than never, right? Divine timing in all affairs.

Although it is passed midnight by now, (so technically, it's Saturday) I've got a warm Bustelo from my local Dominican spot the on this desk beside my laptop - so I am up. It is still Friday, October 18th, 2024 as far as I'm concerned.

Yesterday I thought, "Oh tomorrow is Friday, I better get ready to write because I done told everyone I would post a weekly writing entry" so here goes - as promised. The power of accountability.

"I did anticipate this quiet moment with myself though, I really need it."

So let's see, where do I begin? I guess I can start with sharing what is top of mind, which is what I did today. I had a much more productive day off today than I usually have. It could be that this super full moon in Aries has something to do with it, ( I always feel like cleaning and organizing during full moons, ::pulls out my witch broom::) but I bet it's mainly because I went to bed at 10pm last night - a total miracle of God.

I actually woke up early enough to meditate, do a little at home yoga AND do my laundry - another miraculous event. My skin looked extra glowy, I didn't drag myself out of bed or snooze a million times - I wasn't at all hungover (who am I?) and just felt really good. The echinacea drops I took in the morning (my friend made me a tincture for immunity this season) also really helped my mood as an unexpected added bonus. I looked it up and although echinacea does not contain any caffeine, it is known to help calm anxiety.

My Thursday nights are my "Friday nights" because I am off the next day so it's usually my night to go out, to drink, to dance, to social butter-fly around town (as I do so effortlessly.) Last night though, and most nights as of late, I just wanted to cozy up under my comforter and watch YouTube on my ipad (i have not owned a television by choice for years now - would much rather read or watch educational, inspirational content. Call me a weirdo, a non-conformist, hipster - whatever you want. This decision has been so beneficial for my mental health that it's 100% worth not ever being a part of the most "binge-watched" show references at work - even though sometimes people really think I must live under a rock. I am so far out of the pop-culture loop.

It's ok, I'll be fine under here.

This past week my selections included talks by Jordan Peterson on relationships, Yuval Noah Harari (author of Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind) on the future of AI (I am officially terrified for the human race) and Elon Musk interviews sprinkled in. My super femme rebellious, smart and hilarious, The Slumflower Hour podcast and Earl Nightingale's magical audio, "The Strangest Secret" are usually on the list as well.

I am often told by elders that I am "wise beyond my years" and although that probably has a lot to do with my parents having me later in life, (my mom was 40 and my dad was 50 something - literally have siblings in their 50s and 60s - I am 38 and am a great auntie, Doña Debora) I think the "wisdom" they are picking up on has everything to do with the self-development content I consume daily.

Not having a TV also makes me get out of the house more.

After wrapping up my morning routine, I grabbed a carrot, orange, pineapple, lemon, ginger juice (my go-to) at the deli and hit my beloved Fort Tryon Park. I posted a few pictures of the view from there today - it was so sunny, clear and gorgeous. The leaves are changing color and everything is picturesque. Found a nice bench, read my 1% Leadership book for a bit while I soaked up a few rays and did some calming breath work. Trying to soak up every moment of the warmer weather this week before we plummet into the depths of freezing cold wintery temperatures.

I took the A downtown to see the Elephants in Migration exhibition in Meatpacking (posted a few shots, they are super cool), had the best Kale Cesar at RH Rooftop and hit up my friend's N Between Bar at Chelsea Market which was a dope intimate, speakeasy, retro vibe. Good music, cocktail list and service - would definitely recommend. Tempted to stop into the seafood spot - The Lobster Place for some oysters (SO good) but I need to save my coins,

Learning to perceive the 24 hours I am given each day as gifts that should be cherished doing what I love whenever possible. No rush, no strict rules, no company needed. Just a mind and body willing to be, willing to intuitively explore and experience all that life offers while intuitively trusting in divine timing.

With Gratitude,

Debs

[prettypoisonwhenicry]

ME

To start off, I don't think I'm ugly, even though I hate everything about myself. I know how to be beautiful. One of my favorite things is to look at old photos of myself. I was skinny and I was hot, but even then I only saw deflections. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I'm so good at pretening to be ok, but honestly I am not. I hate myself for the most part. I know how to share my hopes and ambitions in life because they really are things I would love for myself. But am I really making an effort to get there? I don't think so. Theres so many ways to improve yourself, and if I really wanted to I would already be making those changes to be better, right? Improving, recovering, and accepting theres a problem is one thing. But, actually doing something about it is whats challenging. Why did it take me this long to accept I have a drinking problem, and why I am struggling sooooooo much to stay sober, or to just really actualy show to myself that I can stop being a drunk if I really wanted to. All I want is to show myself that this is a phase but its really sinking in that this is not the case. I feel too much guilt when I drink but I guess the guilt doesn't over come the fact that I wish I NEVER TOUCHED AN ALCOHOLIC DRINK. But any liar can easily say "never again", I can't. Because I started a viscious cycle to not feel hungover by drinking again the next day. I became such a pussy when I finally faced a hangover. I hated feeling nausous all the time but soon I realized how the uncomfortable made it so much easier to get drunk all over again. Even though I would tell myself this drinking sesion is to not get drunk its just to not feel hungover and suffer. But still, I can't stop even if im feeling (not hungover) I get drunk all over again. So I've been on a bender since Thursday or Friday I really dont remeber. I'm not drinking like a college girl in spring break but I sneakly drink in moderation. Again, the goal in my head when i drink is not to look drunk but to appear functional. And honestly, I do feel more functional. The major problem is, when I'm done with my day orn done being "functional" is when my body decides to let loose and the alcohol in me does what it would do to anymore who consumes alcohol on a daily basis...black out. I wake up the next morning with a rapid heart beat (hangsciety) is what they call it and I feel it and I hate it! But still, not enough to stop to do this to myself. I started this last night woke up this morning (drank wine) and "proof read" but honestly or obvioulsy I just kept ranting. Honestly I need help, but i reject medication or therapy and for some reason the thought of letting out all my dirt to strangers felt the most appealing. Its probably the alcohol. If theres anyone out there like me, or if not I really want to know. Am I alone?

[makemeanangelpure]

Aug 19, 2024- I’m just scared and I want to feel small. I’m guilty for having soup even tho I broke a 111 hr liquid fast yesterday, ate a small chicken bowl and majority of a cookie. I’m still 109.0 just like yesterday. I still want to eat, but it’s just because it’s emotional and I’m scared about the stent removal on Friday and nervous about my appointment on Monday and calling Friday morning to see if my loan can be forgiven and getting all my information together on Monday. I know I should do it today but I’m trying to rest.. I want to go walk to burn calories but I want to rest… I’ll do one piece of information when I get home from work the next three days that way it’s not everything at once at the end. He came home a little bit drunk last night. I missed him and I stayed up til 2:30 waiting for him to get back from hanging out with his friends, but he came home and drank some more. I kept pestering about him cleaning his piercing, brushing his teeth and coming to bed since it was almost 4 am.. he corrected me and said it was barely 1:30… stopped himself for a second and then told me to leave him alone. So I did… I just felt annoying and sad.. then to figure out at the same time he’d been posting on his story about our other partner… just stuff geared toward him,.. but when he eventually came to bed.. he spooned me and wrapped his arms around me tight. I actually felt so skinny and we fell asleep like that.. he played with my left breast a little and he whispered I swear to god slurred or not. “ …perfect…” he fell asleep seeming to be turned on next to me, his breath steady and his arms still tightly wound. I fell back asleep with my hand on his arm. Since he was a little hungover and went out and got him things to have a good breakfast before he went. He was really thankful and sweet. I just feel sad right now. Focusing on losing weight helps… I’ll save shaving for tomorrow or even Thursday… prolly will tomorrow then touch up Thursday before appt. Maybe I’ll be 107 by Friday morning if I try hard enough.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 4 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

Probably one of the dumbest things about college students was that they decided the weekend started on Thursday.

It was somehow the start of the weekend even though we all had a whole other day of the week to get through.

And my friends were some of the dumb ones, insisting that 'Thirsty Thursday' was a real thing and that they were fine with going to class on Friday hungover or just not going at all.

No matter how dumb I found it, I still somehow ended up out at the bar on Thursday night.

It was a favorite for all the college students in Providence because they didn't card.

James and Stella were already a couple drinks deep but neither were drunk yet.

It was only a matter of time before James started behaving badly and I would be the one stuck babysitting him.

Stella always held her liquor better than he did.

"Wren," Stella called out, walking back over to our table with two drinks in her hand, some cocktail for herself and a water for me.

"You keeping an eye on James?"

She sat down beside me, placing the drinks on the table.

I nodded and sipped the water.

"He's in the corner over there making out with some girl," I told her, nodding my head in the direction of James.

"He's not even that drunk yet."

"He's just warming up, I'm sure," she said, taking a long sip of her drink then looking over at me with a wide grin.

"He'll have his real fun tomorrow night."

I shrugged.

"Maybe."

"You're not coming out tomorrow?"

I shook my head, resting my elbows on the table in front of me.

"No, I have to go home."

I had already told my mother and Colt I would go home this weekend and I wanted to make sure he was being less of a little shit for them anyway since I got him his phone.

That kid has been Face-Timing me nonstop since getting it.

Mom also told me that Fox was going to be home this weekend, since hockey was starting up full time soon and he wouldn't have time to visit for a while, probably not until Thanksgiving in a couple months.

"You just went home last weekend," Stella groaned.

"My brother's visiting," I explained, though I didn't really have to explain anything to her.

It wasn't like Stella and I were best friends.

She might have thought we were but that wasn't how I saw us.

Stella and James were my school friends.

I hadn't seen or heard from either of them much over the summer anyway.

Stella was from South Dakota while James was much closer, being from New York but still not close enough to casually hang out with over the summer.

"I can't imagine going to school so close to home," she said, taking another sip from her drink.

"Not that I had many options anyway."

I couldn't relate, I had always wanted to go to Brown, no other options ever came to mind.

This was always the end goal, so I spent my whole life knowing this was where I wanted to be.

I didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse to be so close to home, going to school in a place I was already so familiar with, a place I had grown up around.

A lot of people wanted to leave their hometown for school, explore what further away places had to offer, that just wasn't something I wanted.

I just hummed in acknowledgement at Stella's words and took another sip of water before returning to my people watching.

I recognized some of the faces from Brown and around Providence.

Some were even some of my other acquaintances that I knew through James and Stella.

Others I had a harder time placing due to the dim lights with the red hue in the bar.

It masked some people's faces better than others but eventually my eyes settled on a face that I recognized immediately, one that I had been seeing too much of lately.

Landon was on the other side of the bar and I could tell that he was shit-faced.

A light sheen of sweat covered his face, causing his messy hair to stick to his forehead in some places.

The hair that was usually pushed back, settled as bangs with small curls at the ends over his forehead.

His eyes were glossy and looked as if they couldn't focus on anything.

The biggest indicator of his intoxication though was the wide smile on his face.

I didn't think I had ever seen that kid smile during the limited interactions we had.

It wasn't a real smile though, it was one of those drunk smiles that seemed to be too big for his face.

He was surrounded by some guys that I could only assume were from the hockey team at Providence College.

Some girls stood between them, all of them were drunk and I watched as they all took a shot together.

"Are you going to try hooking up with him?" Stella asked, dragging my attention over to her.

She smirked, nodding her head toward Landon.

I scoffed, leaning back in my seat and crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, I just know him from back home."

"He's hot," she replied.

I followed her gaze back over to him and from that moment, I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Some song I never heard of started playing and Landon and his friends dispersed to the open area of the bar to start dancing.

A couple of the girls danced closely to him but he didn't touch either of them.

It was like he was in his own world, his hips swaying to the music sensually.

He rolled and moved his shoulders in a way that made his chest move to the music.

Landon danced like this was something he did every weekend.

He lifted his arms, causing his t-shirt to ride up and expose his lower stomach and show off the hair that started there and went lower beneath the waist band of his jeans, then brought a hand back down and let it slide from his chest down to his stomach.

"Oh my God," Stella said, fanning herself dramatically.

"He so hot, he's hurting my feelings," she added, referencing the lyrics to the song that was playing.

He turned around, his back facing us now, and I couldn't help but let my eyes travel down his body.

They started at his back and the way his muscles strained under his shirt, then they went lower to where his fitted jeans hugged his hips and ass so nicely, I had to quickly avert my gaze.

I hadn't noticed my mouth was slightly agape as I watched him, so I shut it before Stella noticed, this wasn't something I did.

I didn't watch strangers in bars and notice the way they danced or the small slivers of skin that became exposed as they did.

That was mostly because I never thought of anyone as hot enough to watch.

I hooked up with people who were good looking enough or at least as good looking as I was.

It was arrogant, I would admit that but I had been watching Landon because he was hot, hotter than me.

With his messed up hair, the way he moved and how his full, pink lips were mouthing along to the words, he was hot.

Sexy even and that was how I knew something was seriously wrong with me.

"You totally find him hot," Stella exclaimed excitedly.

"You never think anyone is hot."

"That's just not true," I lied.

"I'm thinking about how much he looks like an idiot."

The tightness in my pants would disagree.

I stood up, quickly throwing back the rest of my water before telling Stella I was going to the bathroom and scurrying across the room as quickly as I could.

I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my flushed face, glaring at my reflection.

I had gotten myself all riled up watching Landon of all people.

That might have been the most fucked up thing I had ever done.

[bellevvalencia]

On a random Monday

I received my third raise on a random Monday, the same day I wished I had manifested some other thing, such as him reaching back out to admit that he’s an idiot.

He kissed me on a random Saturday, and on a random Friday after that, and on a random Sunday before I fell. He kissed my face and he held my body like it was his, and he could have easily had any other body, so, on a random Wednesday, I believed that it could be different.

I started lifting heavier on a random Tuesday, after I decided that it was not going to work out because he easily did have other bodies and he hid them in his closet. I had all this tension and frustration in my chest and it needed to go away the way I only knew how—silent and fast but unresolved—like how he did from me on a random Friday.

He lost me on a random Monday, when I felt I couldn’t make him understand why I got pissed that he had the time to tag posts to another girl but not enough time to text me hello. But he had me on a random Tuesday again, because there was no way I couldn’t say no, and I felt that the story was far from over. He lost me on a random Monday, but on a random Wednesday in the middle of the day, I would whisper to myself that I still wanted him and I wished all of this happened a year or two later, where it would turn out differently. He lost me on a random Monday, but on a random Friday after hours, I would sit on the gym floor thinking about how if God loved me he would be a better person and he would meet halfway, or downstairs. He lost me on a random Monday, but on a random Sunday morning, when it hurt to smile and it hurt to laugh, I’d wonder if I should’ve been more patient and cooler and kinder to him. He lost me on a random Monday, I kept repeating to myself, but I was never really his to lose, and he wasn’t really mine to lose, so I bawled about that, drunk, on a random Thursday.

None of the days were intentional. Because if they were, I’d choose to feel as I did before.

If they were, I’d be happy with my wasted Saturday nights with my friends and my hungover Sunday brunches with my parents. Now, I can’t drink alcohol without thinking about how if I was prettier or hotter or skinnier or younger or weaker, the story would be different because he’d actually be compelled to stay with me.

None of it was intentional.

It happened, and then, like all good and wonderful days, it’s gone.

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

October 17, 2023

I had another good weekend with Braeden.

Thursday we went costume shopping. Friday we both did our own thing he had a wedding and I went to the sex show with Kirsten. I went to his place after and waited for him to get home. Saturday, we woke up, and I drove his friends to their car. We then opened the surprise bags I got from the expo. We had fun with it, he tied me up, I tied him up. I said I would never switch, but I do it for him. I also make it more sensual when I tie him up, less dominating.

It was nice to spend time with Kirsten Friday because we hadn't had "us" time in a while.

We had a bit of a lazy day on Saturday because he was so hungover. At night we went for dinner with his friends and then bowling. It was all fun. Sunday, was his actual birthday and we were supposed to go to his parents for dinner, but they moved it to tonight. So I had nothing planned, which I felt bad about, but we also just went at his pace. He wanted brunch, we went home relaxed, did some work, went to hockey, and then cooked.

Now, there are some things I left out. On Thursday, when we went to get the costumes. It came up that I came off too strong when we first met. Specifically, about the snakes and sex. Which, I get.

It just got to a point where I asked him if he still liked me. I was sitting on the counter and he looked at me and said "No, I love you" and we kissed and had a super cute moment.

It took me until Saturday night, to get used to saying it. I really don't say that to anyone often, so even when I say it to my friends, my brain has to process it.

I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night because I felt anxious and unorganized. I really need to find a way to keep more things I need at Braedens. He encourages it, I just have to find time and energy to do it.

Snake expo is coming up, that weekend is going to be so long and exhausting. I am happy Braeden is on board with doing what we can to make it all happen.

Work is still weird. I need to not talk about things. I am going to get myself in trouble if I don't shut up. I just get comfortable talking about things and say the wrong things to the wrong people.

Today is a new day.

[kaddyssammlung]

~Part 1 of my journey~

I wrote something yesterday evening...it was just flowing out of me. It is only part 1. Idk if that is triggering or could be. It's just about the begging of my aclohol addiction and how it changed. It's not edited yet also. I don't care right now. It's 4.am. again XD

So I already wrote somewhere that I was twelve when I started stealing some alcohol from my parents. I don't have much memory of it. It's curiosity that got me there. They had “Met” in the fridge and there were bees on it and it reminded me of honey. So I drank it. I liked it. That's moment you already have a problem. Not being disgusted by the burning sensation but actually liking it as a kid. That is weird.

My brother and I were home alone a lot. My parents were self-employed and they also had horses. After spending most of the day working, the had to take care of their horses, while I was at home taking care of myself and my younger brother. He is almost three years younger than me.

Since one was around it was easy to just take something. No would suspect something. I liked just taking a glass and pouring all kinds of things together. Not much but enough to make me feel warm and slightly dizzy. I don't remember how often I did that. When I was around 15 I became anorexic. The drinking stopped because of the calories. Here and there I had something but it was with someone else present like my parents or the celebrate something. In Germany (don't like that word...it's not the right one btw. But that's a different topic...it's Deutschland) you are allowed to have some alcohol when you are 16. Nothing too hard such as Vodka or something like that.

I liked the way it made me feel but I was scared because I knew there were so many calories in all of this.

When I turned 18 something inside of me came online, so the speak. The alcoholic that had been hiding. As soon as you turn 18 you can have anything. I would usually buy a bottle of Rum or Vodka on Thursdays. I was still not finished with Grammar school back then. So I had school on Fridays but I did not care. Being hungover one day was fine. That bottle lasted the whole weekend. Well at least in the begging. I started needing more on the weekends but I kept that shedule. When my final exams came closer I felt more under pressure and started drinking more frequently. I still remember my final English exam. I was so damn hungover. I had to analyze a text about Dollywood. Well Dolly Parton I am very sorry but I did not like that. Anyway. I made it through, got my grades and then what?! I had “the Abitur”. This means you can go to any university you like. But I was not interested in that. I barley remember that summer. All I did was getting drunk. When autumn came I actually did go to university. The city is called Bayreuth. If you are a fan of classical music then you might know this city. I don't think it is known for anything else other than Richard Wanger. Whatever. I studied geology and chemistry. Well not really though. I would drive there sometimes and hand around but not really participate. When I came home I drank a lot. The next day I would drag myself out of bed and drive there again. I went by train. I kept that charade up until February of 2009 or so?! That was half a year after school had ended. I told my parents that I could not study and that I wanted to do an apprenticeship instead. I was allowed and could start right away. The reason being that I started in their store. I've been working there ever since. I did get a bachelor's degree somewhere in between. We have a University of Applied sciences here in this city.

My drinking was kind of okay. I was able to function when it was needed and I crashed horribly whenever I had the time to do so.