#like i read the first one a couple yrs back but keep getting distracted

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

tried reading a book on the train today & it's like r&s are HAUNTING me lol

[skateboardtotheheart]

I posted 378 times in 2022

73 posts created (19%)

305 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wearewatcher

@fiddlepickdouglas

@saladbroth

@jandthephantoms

@tolerateit

I tagged 177 of my posts in 2022

#young royals - 76 posts

#ghost files - 48 posts

#shane madej - 47 posts

#watcher entertainment - 47 posts

#prince wilhelm - 45 posts

#yr s2 spoilers - 42 posts

#simon eriksson - 39 posts

#ryan bergara - 34 posts

#wilmon - 33 posts

#young royals season 2 - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i agree that he shouldn't be willing to take the fall for the video but my immediate thoughts were that august manipulated him into it???

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

207 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#4

list of wilmon headcanons ft. the boys being casually protective and besotted with each other

both of them are just like,, obsessed with anything the other does. like when simon has a choir solo wille is going full “that’s my BOYFRIEND” bragging and when wille has to give a speech, simon is constantly talking about how proud of wille he is to the point that their friends tell him to stfu already

simon remains anti-monarchy and will debate with wille endlessly over certain topics (read: rant at wille because his boyfriend knows he’s right and isn’t fighting back) but he is the FIRST to defend wille if anyone ever says anything negative about him as the crown prince. like he will throw hands if necessary

now that wille got what he needed removing august from power, he is not afraid to hold a grudge over the way vincent was/is treating simon. he talks back during rowing, glares at him at lunch, and will step in immediately if he says something mean to simon

one of the crown’s rules for them to be public is that they had to keep pda to a minimum. they completely s u c k at following this rule. they are constantly holding hands, wille loves hugging simon from behind, there’s kisses traded in the hallways. they are nauseatingly THAT couple. there is at least one phone call a week from the royal press office telling them to calm tf down

it’s not uncommon to see simon absolutely transfixed on wille during workies. everyone knows that wille has a staring habit but simon is just as bad. he’ll completely space out of a conversation, trailing off in the middle of sentences, because he caught sight of wille across the room and is just,,, entranced

both of them have a habit of staking subtle (at least they think it’s subtle) claim on each other via putting the other in their clothes. simon constantly comes to school in wille’s sweaters and wille has practically claimed ownership to simon’s purple sweatshirt. the rest of the student body has moved past commenting

simon hates the way wille shuts down after phone calls with his mother. he gets this sad look and gets quiet and he’s watched wille have a few too many panic attacks. he counteracts this by showing wille as much affection as humanly possible, reminding him that his mother is wrong about whatever she said about him, and distracting him by singing 

on the matter of singing, one of simon’s new passtimes is writing little songs, jingles, whatever about wille. it’s a fantastic way to make his boyfriend smile, and he also just loves to see how long it takes wille to realize what he’s singing is actually about him

it takes a little while for rosh and ayub to warm back up to wille, both of them worried that the prince was just going to hurt him or break his heart again. eventually, simon convinces them to at least hang out with him once, and they change their minds when they see how happy simon looks with him and how much the prince makes him laugh, and how wille looks at simon like he hung all the stars in the sky

“i love you” is like,, an hourly affirmation for them both. they cannot go without saying it at least five times a day. part of it is because they just love saying and hearing it, and the other part of it is that neither of them thought they’d ever get a relationship like this (or that they’re relationship would ever be public) so they need the reminder that this is real and they have each other for real

this is all i’ve got for the moment, but if anyone ever has any headcanon requests, feel free to send them my way

481 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#3

i just wanna write a love note to Steven Lim because that man does so much and does not get enough appreciation

a lot of people forget that he's also a founder of Watcher, has his own shows on the channel, and puts in a shit ton of effort for the business side of the company, and that frequently gets ignored or forgotten in the shadows of Shane and Ryan (and don't get me wrong i adore them and i'm so happy they're getting the appreciation and love they deserve). yet this man is still out here being supportive af over the success Ghost Files is having and hyping it up on his socials and just being amazing

idk man dish granted is one of my absolute favorite things to come out of Watcher and it just makes me a little sad to see it doesn't get the same hype as Ghost Files, Are You Scared, or Puppet History

basically i just love Steven Lim and want him to get more appreciation for the amazing work he does <3<3<3

669 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#2

in no particular order, here's a list of season 2 moments I am obsessed with

- "I got a haircut"

- Kristina going "okay???" when Wille talked about Simon being on a date

- Simon CHUCKING that dodgeball at Wille

- "he likes it when I sing" "and I don't????"

- every time Ayub or Rosh were on screen

- AYUB AND SIMON ARGUING OVER THE NAME ROSH'S EX

- Stella's poem

- Wilmon's relieved smiles when they kiss at the ball

- "... uh huh" when Wille finally gets it through his head that the song is about him

- once again,,, the dodgeball

- Wille going to therapy

- CLOSING THE CURTAINS CLOSING THE CURTAINS CLOSING THE CURTAINS

- the giggles immediately following

- THEY DON'T HAVE NAMES

- "did he just say he'd give up the crown for you?"

- SIMON TELLING WILLE HE WANTS TO BE WITH HIM

- I LOVE YOU

- the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech

- Boris' smug ass look when Wille broke from script

- any time Simon sings

- Simon and Wille finally understanding each other via an oral book presentation that lead to them essentially arguing the other's opinion on their own situation

- Simon stealing Wille's sweater

- Felice being the Most Supportive Bestie even when Wille was an asshole

there are more. but these ones just,,, yes

1,657 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

the ghosts being active af on the rem pod while shane is investigating and then being completely silent while ryan is in the house even though shane told them to fuck him up is hilarious, honestly a 10/10 joke from the ghosts

6,221 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[musedblues]

Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 1]

summary:  Home is where the heart is. You're working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life's greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.

warning: Major character death, mentions of car crash, angst, and general sadness

w/c: 2k

a/n: Proceed with caution this fic will probably break your heart. This first part deals with a lot of backstory. It's been really cathartic for me to start writing this. It will be my first full-blown chapter fic, so stay tuned for more sorrow! (but it gets sweeter, I swear!)

Part 2

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"I'll just miss you." Joe cast his sad eyes to the airport gates. You would miss him too, but you knew you'd end up back together. You always seemed too.

"Just try and remember what it was like before we met. But don't forget to call me!" You teased, full of adrenalin that surged through your feet and charged you away from your home, family, and very best friend.

///

For a little while, you measured time before and after moving to New York. Your father split before New York. Your mother had a break down before New York. Then you moved. Your mother became a sought after wedding photographer in New York. You started and finished high school in New York. You made a very best friend in New York.

As hard as it was to leave Joe behind, that timeline was eventually skewed after you moved to Wales. You met Kris in Wales. Then, every single thing before Kris faded into relative obscurity. Even the dream you had in every place you lived before.

You wanted to play the piano. You played every dance recital, choir practice, and bar mitzvah that came across your highschool bulletin board. Through a series of whims after graduating, you decided to move to London to play the piano in shopping malls and hotel lobbies while waiting for better gigs.

Kris singled you out during a show one of those late-night low down venues and demanded you play some Eton John number. He utterly charmed you and raved about your talent, and showed up every night you were on the bill with another outlandish request. His request eventually blossomed outside of the musical universe. He asked you to come up to his hotel. He asked you to go to dinner. He asked you to move back to his home town, Wales.

You were hot on his trail, blinded by his pretty blue eyes and the fun you'd been having together. Kris played the guitar. He drove you deep into the lush green fields where sheep roamed between castles and posh shops popped up across the road from his tiny brick one-bedroom flat, where you moved in no questions asked. Kris took you to all of his gigs, which mostly consisted of county festivals and birthday parties. Kris eventually stopped opening party invitations to strictly play bar gigs. They would barely bring in enough money to pay rent, but Kris gained more of a following and he swore that was more important.

You picked up a job tending one of the more hip pubs trafficked by college kids and hardly any creeps. That's where you met Tegan. She had long dark hair, and you'd never seen her without a smear of dark eye shadow surrounding her big green eyes. She trained you on the drink specials and Welsh slang, and in turn, you told her all of your secrets.

Kris started traveling to bars in the surrounding cities, drinking more than he played the guitar but somehow scraping up enough money to go out and do it again the next night. You stayed behind your bar top and bonded with Tegan like a long lost twin. She understood you, and you respected her. Not only for her values and opinions but for the way she let you take extra long breaks to call your best friend, Joe. The one from New York, before Wales.

"When are you gonna come home?" Joe whined like a little boy through the cell phone static that represented the time and space between you.

"Why? You're never there. You're in L.A. and Australia and everywhere but New York." You laughed bitterly into the phone. You weren't upset with Joe at all. You just missed him. You missed walking across the street from your porch to his, to wait for the school bus. You missed ditching school dances to drive to Coney Island without telling your parents. You missed movie nights, and cheating on homework, and spying on each others dates from across your favorite diner.

Life was easier back then, and no not just because you were young and dumb. There was plenty of sadness. Like on your senior trip to Canada, when your drink got spiked. Or when Joe nearly died of pneumonia. The time you got kicked off the volleyball team for covering up one of your teammate's terrible pranks. And the time Joe got punched in the face and needed stitches, when some new bully moved into town and found out your best friend was the "whiny prick" from Jurassic Park. But you were together for it all, and that's what you missed. It was the way you could tell Joe anything and the way you made him laugh that coated your memory in a golden sheen. He visited you in London once. And you flew home one Christmas not so long ago, and celebrated with his family across the street, like always. But you hadn't seen Joe since you moved to Wales, and your vision was going grey around the edges.

But Kris was all you could see, anyway. He was outlandishly handsome. He read all your favorite books. He held your hand on rollercoasters and taught you how to cook traditional Welsh food. He listened to you play the piano and encouraged you to go out and perform. That was the whole reason you traveled overseas. He would ask you to play your keyboard when he practiced his guitar and you spent the majority of your time in that corner of the room where you kept your instruments. But Kris wasn't getting enough gigs, so your night shift was becoming more demanding, and you stopped practicing. He started to drink. He said it was because he felt bad for the way you'd had to pick up shifts to support the pair of you. So he decided to prove his musical worth by going out every night, booking gigs far and wide. Kris played new bars every night, one's you'd never heard of till he told you on his way out of the door.

Then he stopped telling you when he'd be home. Tegan would come over to keep you company on weekends. Kris would miss birthdays and holidays. Tegan was always sleeping on your sofa via your invitation. You traded stories about your favorite things and your childhoods. You talked a lot about Joe, because he used to always be around. Tegan listened, and eventually started joining you on weekly facetime calls with Joe. He was glad to see you'd made such a valuable friend and to talk to Tegan like he knew her just as well. He was still the best friend you ever had thousands of miles away.

Tegan took you on a trip, one odd summer day, calling it a distraction. When you ended up in Dan yr Ogof, you knew you'd made a life long friend in Tegan. The lush green park was decorated with life-sized dinosaur statues and the cafe on grounds served dino shaped nuggets. When you sat down to eat you facetimed Joe, and took him on a digital tour of the dinosaurs scattered around the entrance. He was thrilled that you thought to call and show off the wonder you were surrounded by, and seemed so sad to hang up. You wished he could be there to spew made up dinosaur facts and pose for pictures. But you had Tegan. She was all smiles, holding your hand while you toured the caves and admired the nature all around you.

In the years you'd lived in Wales, you'd never heard of Dan yr Ogof, but were glad to have wound up there with your Tegan. It was like the best of both of your worlds. When strolled around the park and found a couple fake velociraptor bursting from falsely hatching eggs, you just stopped and stared for a moment. Tegan came around to look at her paper map of where to go next, and you wished for an option to go all the way back to freshman year. When Joe was embarrassed to tell you about the movies he'd been in, and how normal every day felt doing homework at his dinner table. You missed that normality. You wished it was normal to see him... to see anyone each and every day.

You tried to fix that by calling your mom every morning. You rambled for hours and even kept your phone turned on behind the bar during shifts. Tegan worked with you most days, but she had her own life. You even stopped hearing so much from your best friend, Joe. Texts would be responded to too late and voicemails only reminded you how far away you were. Messages from Joe were peppered between a few from Kris, who would call you drunk with promises he'd be home soon.

The day's your boyfriend did make it to your shared bed, you would just be getting home at sunrise from a shift. He would be gone when you woke up, out to another gig.

Then Kris skipped out for a whole month, and wouldn't answer any of your calls. You tearfully sold your keyboard for cash to keep groceries in your cabinet but practically lived behind the pub counter to make sure you'd never run out of money again. Tegan took you out to dinner and to films, but movies made you sad. They reminded you of Joe, who you'd see pop up on the television screen more than you heard from him directly, by then. Tegan would ask about him, knowing your old stories were like stars in the black ink darkness, but she learned to stop asking. Why wasn't anyone around anymore? Your family and friends remained frozen in photographs on social media, and you spent Christmas alone in your boyfriend's house.

When he came back home all you did was fight. He refused to tell you where he'd been, and you snapped his vintage mandolin in pieces in a brokenhearted rage. You slept in the same bed but stopped speaking to each other, just floating through the motions like ghosts- for weeks. And then he was gone again. I could just leave too, ya know?  You realized. I could get up and be gone the next day. But where to?

You spent one long day on the phone with your mother, talking over what to do and how you felt and how much you missed Joe.  

"He's in London now. Didn't you know that? Has been for a while." Your mother gently revealed. She would have known because his family lived right across the street. Because his parents loved your mother, and she still attended every cookout and birthday party even after you moved away. The Mazzello's were more than just your neighbors. Your mother was privy to everything Mrs. Mazzello told her on their weekend shopping trips and scheduled brunches.

"I didn't." You breathed heavily. Maybe you should have known. Maybe Joe had warned you in one of his voice mails you'd let pile up.

"He's filming there. You should call him, Y/N." Filming meant staying. Joe was five hours away from you, but you'd never felt further apart.

"Well, I might not be here much longer anyway." You reminded your mother.

Something in your gut was telling you to get out of Wales, that there was no point in your sticking around. But what about Tegan? You would wither into a humorless husk without her banter from the other end of the bar top. What about those dog-rose flowers you planted outside of your tiny little home? What if Kris stopped drinking and you could start listening to records together again? You built a life here. You made friends with the women at the market and the men at the bank. You didn't even care if Kris's mother hated you, because he hated her, and you each got a kick out of every passive-aggressive Christmas gift exchange. But you'd barely spoken to Kris since the last time he left, and the days before then, you'd only swapped venom.

You mopped around the flat, wondering if you should dust the shelves, and considered how to salvage your situation. Soon, you dozed off on the sofa as the sunset and wished you didn't have to make up your mind.

You were awoken to a house without any lights on, and a pounding at your door. There was a muffled voice crying outside and your heart speed to a million miles a minute as you hurried to your feet and rubbed your tired eyes. You flipped on a light and opened the front door to find Tegan in tears, black makeup streaking down her cheeks. She threw her arms around you and mumbled cries into your neck. You managed to pull her inside and shut the door for a bit of privacy amidst her break down.

"What is going on?" You demanded calmly, holding your friend by her shoulders and looking at her face.

"You wouldn't answer your phone, I've been trying the whole way here." She explained in a rush, sucking in a shaky breath. "The car... your car. I passed it on my way home. I only knew it was yours because the guitar-shaped the air freshener was still on the mirror."  

"What?"

"I know it was your car. It's wrecked. It's..." Tegan stopped speaking to search your face. There was no time to wipe her black tears away before another one fell, she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"It's wrecked? You saw the guitar-shaped air freshener?" You confirmed.

"You weren't answering your phone," Tegan whispered gravely, as her lip quivered once more. Whatever she saw on the way to your place mustn't have been good at all. As you stood there watching Tegan's tears fall in silence, sirens started to whir in the distance.

Time froze to a halt as the noise grew louder and louder, piercing through your ears from just outside your window. Your heart was beating so fast you couldn't feel it until a few sharp knocks came at the door you stood next to. You didn't want to answer it. You didn't want to hear another word. But your instincts took over and you released your grip on Tegan, and opened the door.

A couple of stone-faced officers stood on your steps with no good news.

You came to find out that Kris played a gig that night, and the bar paid him in Guinness. Kris was well beyond the legal limit when he stumbled behind the wheel. Officials decided he must have swerved to avoid colliding with another vehicle and crashed through the rails of a bridge and onto the roadside below. Your boyfriend had been found without a beating heart, and yours nearly stopped at the news.

His mother blamed you for treating him so poorly, for running him off. Tegan only left your side for a couple of hours, while she went to collect a few things so she could stay over at your place. You planned a funeral and moved through the motions. But before you called your mother to tell her you were coming home, you called Joe. He didn't answer.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[damdahdi-studies]

exam season

the last 2 weeks have been exam season. leading up to exams i ran week-long blocks of distracting websites on my mac, so I haven’t been able to get on tumblr.... so finally updating now: (more like ranting.) 

one math exam left, on thursday morning

exams so far have been.... okay. none of them i feel particularly good about, but overall i think i managed to deal with the stress/anxiety better this semester than last, just a little bit 

some nice things that happened before exams: 

100% in Chinese speaking mock exam, listening and writing section of written mock exam. i didn’t really realise it until i looked back on my old posts and read how i felt after first set of exams just now, but i have come ... maybe not a long way, but some kind of way :] at the time i was very insecure about just myself and barely believed i could improve on my own; yet i did to a standard i never could’ve dreamed even start of this year. 

somehow obtained 90% in an oral presentation i made about The Crucible by Arthur Miller. i still don’t know how I did it, but I’m glad i improved from the 60s i got last semester in presentations. public speaking still felt like hell though 

top female scorer in my state for some maths competition. also have no idea how i did this, i thought i would get distinction at best. 

changed piano teachers (previous teacher recommended the new one) 

dress for year 12 ball next year arrived. it’s a soft grey pretty thing 

my birthday was during exam season :/ 

also first set of my own prayer beads arrived. have been using them daily since 

reflecting on each subject: (so I can read back on this after i get my marks back and be like haha....  you fool.) 

Literature: better than last time is all i can say... it was okay (still felt like hell during the exam because it’s Literature) managed time during exam slightly better, I didn’t panic as much, but that’s about it lmao i’m crossing my fingers for a low 70s and double crossing for an A. i wasn’t able to or simply didn’t contribute much effort/time to literature this semester, so a B wouldn’t really be a fuck-i-tried-so-hard-why-did-i-get-this-grade kind of punch in the gut, but it would be really nice to not break an all A streak... but I highly suspect I will get a B

Methods (maths): exam was harder than i expected. hoping for a 90s though, a mark that wont bring my average down. i think i was best prepared for methods compared to other subjects, emphasis on COMPARED to other subjects. -_- 

Physics: ahh physics. a whole debacle happened during the exam, please see below. other than that the exam was... kind of expected difficulty? which is difficult, but it wasn’t terrible-terrible. i’m hoping for an 80s. i really can’t hope for much, i was probably delirious half the time. i did manage to ‘finish’ (attempt every question) though i wish i got more time... i couldn’t double check many questions and there was this one question i wanted to spend more time on but oh well... 

summary: i threw up once before the exam, twice during.  

ate a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, with some salmon on top for breakfast. looking back, it was probably the salmon. 

didn’t feel good after. got to school feeling pretty sick in the stomach and a pretty bad headache.... which escalated to one of the worst headaches ive had in the last 3 years in 20 minutes 

at this point i could tell something was wrong and that i was about to throw up 

went to the toilet, tried to throw up whatever was causing pain to my body, but couldn’t. only ended up scaring away some poor kid in the next cubicle 

FIRST TIME: left toilet. sit still for 10 minutes outside, feeling progressively worse. go back to the toilet, then throw up a lot. gargle, wash face, go back to find everyone filing into the exam room. 

feeling slightly better at this point since ive thrown up (i thought i had emptied most of my stomach by then. spoiler alert: no) and decide internally to just do the exam. (if i don’t, then i would have to fill out some form, probably do the exam way later. too annoying) 

SECOND TIME: so i sit the exam. 5-6 minutes into reading time, i feel another wave of throwing up coming. i raise my hand, i’m at the very back of the hall, so examiner takes a bit to notice. my brainwashed ass brain thinks i can’t stand up and leave without the examiners spoken permission, so i persist in sitting in my seat for around 10 seconds until she’s there, i’m already throwing up in my mouth at this point. finally something snaps and i make a break for the toilet, but it’s too late and i throw up all over the floor. in the exam hall. Fuck. i immediately apologise on the spot. 

examiner leads me to toilet. i throw up some more. gargle, wash face. she asks me to step outside for a couple of minutes for fresh air and i do. 5 minutes later she comes back and asks me if i want to continue the exam. i say yes. we go back in, the vomit is gone from the floor. she moves my seat closer to the exit, and tells me i can bolt out whenever i need to throw up. i sit the exam. 

some time after this, the other examiner leaves a vomit bag next to me just in case

THIRD TIME: an hour in? i feel another wave coming. i grab the vomit bag, make a dash for the toilets but the stupid old door won’t open properly. the examiner helps me open the door and i throw up in the toilets, in the vomit bag this time. it’s not as much as the previous two times. tie up the bag, throw it in the bin, gargle, wash face. 

instinctively i feel that this is the last time i’ll throw up, that i’ve truly emptied everything from my stomach this time. headache is way weaker at this point. 

go back in and examiner asks me if i’m really sure i want to continue the exam, whether or not if i want to fill in a form excusing myself from the exam. i say no.

about an hour left in the exam, which i sit in utter peace 

didn’t get any extra time. 

apologised to some people around me after the exam while filing out of the hall... i suffered but they did too. 

went home and drank some stomach soothing tea. slept

ate porridge for the next 2 days. 

Chemistry: it was.... okay. i did finish and attempt every question. there were a couple of questions in multiple choice i was iffy about and a question in short answer i was like um... what? to, but other than that it was.... eh. i didn’t study much for it, so whatever mark i get i deserve. if i do defend myself it was 3 days after the shit show that was the physics exam, and i felt sick for at least a day after.... but yeah. should’ve tried more. 

during reading time, the examiner who saved my life put the vomit bag on my desk in the physics exam came and asked me if i was feeling better 

i said i’m feeling good thanks : ) 

like an hour later? i feel sickness coming. not stomach this time, just general sickness. somehow i get a fever and subsequently, the FLU in the middle of the chem exam- 

i highly suspect i got it from the examiner 

come back home to find out that i really do have a fever

this was yesterday. yes i’m sick now. like, more sick. 

Chinese: this was today. i’m still kind of too traumatised to reflect on it properly. Chinese is the only subject that ive studied the yr 12 course for this year, so this exam really counts. like 35% of my final grade counts kind of counts. and i did pretty bad. like pretty bad. it was definitely more difficult than the mock exams, and the recordings in listening section were quicker than previous years. the writing section was... traumatising while writing i kind of had a wave of anxiety/panic hit me? i could feel my heartbeat my face was burning and i started sweating ;-; and even the reading section, which is usually okay, was a bit hard. i’ll get the marks back and my final grade for this subject in December - we’ll see until then. got a slightly overdue birthday present before the exam tho :) 

So yup. that’s my exam season. i’m typing this instead of studying for my maths exam day after tomorrow but hey, i’m sick and need rest, right? 

overall, these exams i managed to keep control of my stress a bit better, i wasn’t so overwhelmed like last time. last semester i could barely live, literally. this time i made the habit of living at the library which i found really helpful and comparatively productive, i’ll definitely be using that strategy more often. i’m just glad i managed to study SOMETHING or prepare for exams explicitly this time, because i was simply too overwhelmed to do that last time. i improved. maybe not by much, maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s better than none... 

i’m not saying i don’t have regrets or shortcomings in these exams. i definitely do. DeFinITEly. but doesn’t mean i didn’t improve. i did improve. just, maybe not as much as i wanted. 

i really learned to the bone this time that learning during the semester is so, so important. i think that’s just a wisdom i’ll have to carry through the rest of my academic career. 

wish me luck for my maths exam on Thursday 

my friends and ive already planned an outing for after the exams :) 

also getting overdue birthday presents next monday! :D 

[kaisooficrec]

Can you please recommend new coffee shop themed fics please? Anything that has to do with a coffee shop setting would be great.

Hey anon! these are all the newer/not recced before cafe/coffee shop AU fics we could find! they’re all very fluffy so enjoy~ don’t forget to leave kudos and nice comments to the authors

Two Sugars - jongin is a barista and soo works for a high-end magazine, he has a crush on nini who works at the cafe he always drops by before going to work in the morning. BLESS THIS FIC! it’s as smutty as it is fluffy and i LOVE it! a true masterpiece + ON-GOING! **thumbs up** (Read on AFF)

Unlucky in Love - originally posted for the OLAO fic fest that ended just recently, nini has been going through a dating slump, until chanhun set him up with ksoo who has a crush on him. xxxtra fluffy

A Storm is Brewing - oneshot, barista!jongin who has to take care of soo because he is terrified of storms. 

Chance - omg the pining ~so good~ SO kaisoo are baristas at the same cafe and they both like each other but they think the other doesn’t like him back (-:

sweet against your lips - KAISOO FUCKED IN THE BACK OF THE COFFEE SHOP AND IT WAS AMAZING! jongin is the barista and kyungsoo is a regular costumer :D

Chai love it - super fluffy drabble, kyungsoo is a flirt and jongin found his new favorite costumer. it wasn’t a bad tuesday after all o/

How to Say (It) - Uni AU + Cafe AU. Kaisoo and Sulay are both the main pairings (i’d even say it’s sudo-centric, they’re bffs). they all meet in the cafe jongin and yixing work at go on a double date!

Caramel Macchiato with Extra Whipped Cream - i want to SCREAM this is soooo adorable!! soo is a new costumer in the cafe jongin works at but he always comes in with his bff chanyeol who’s too touchy and jongin is very sulky and jealous bc he thinks they’re dating and it’s so cuuuute but also really funny!!

I Remember - omg my heart n_n writer au + cafe au, jongin is a writer and he’s trying to forget about his messy breakup and the cute barista from the cafe he’s always eating at only wants to help him get better. 

Here’s A Tip - UWU suuuuper shy jongin doesn’t have the courage to ask kyungsoo out but luckily he’s got the best wingman aka byun baekhyun and his genius ideas. ADORABLE! fluff fluff and more fluff

Night and Day - zejndjn !!!! i’m DROOLING. jongin is a barista by day and turns into kai the stripper by night. it takes a while for soo to realize they’re the same person. /the smut is 👌🏻/

Caramel and Cinnamon - AGAIN WITH THE PINING! jongin’s the barista who likes ksoo who also likes him but they’re both too shy. it’s super funny too~~

coffee and blueberry muffins - ;__; soo asks jongin out and they go on a couple of dates

Ten to One - ???? three words: unique, sweet and perfect. kyungsoo is mute ;; but jongin falls for his smile and little notes anyway

Happy laughter - kyungsoo decides to go study in a cafe in the middle of the night but he can’t get any work done because he’s too distracted by the hot barista. and his ex barging in asking for a second chance. /cries in uwu/

Now Open - YOOOOO kaisoo are married and ksoo can’t stand his job so he quits and decides to open his own cafe, with the support of his husband. domestic fluff so cute

valentines’ mistletoes - valentine’s day + cafe au!! they’re coworkers in a cafe and they’re putting up decorations for the special event and then kyungsoo :-) finds himself :-) standing under :-) the mistletoe :-) and jongin’s there ofc :-) and baekhyun is just, being baekhyun… :-)

Where Our Worlds Collide - they meet in the cafe kyungsoo works at and it’s basically love at first sight uwu

- Admin Macaroon 

melting point - this is peak fluffy comedy :’)) jongin’s summer job in the cafe is p boring until a very scary looking (very hot) guy shows up on regular. fjhggmjgfl jongin hid under the table when he saw ksoo iM CRY (shy nini, bad boy ksoo)

god i could have kissed you - idol au. kyungsoo is collecting merch and cup sleeves of a famous idol named kai in coffee shops for his bestfriend and actually unintentionally meets the idol himself ;)

Miracles In December - only 4 chapters out but coffee shop!au. jongin is a college student/barista who has a crush on one of their regular customer with cute glasses, kyungsoo, who is the uni’s graduate TA. little does he know that kyungsoo likes him too but both are quite shy and just keep glancing at each other. so FLUFF

Summer Snapdragons - age switch, ksoo a 21 yr old student working in a coffee shop is very shy around the shop’s owner ji who is 27. he draws pictures of jongin in free time and jongin happens to find them. smut.

Cafe Eau Laid - wolf au, jongin’s got a crush on this guy who comes into the coffee shop. Only problem is, this omega has a boyfriend (or not??). smut

I Love You A Latte - a drabble from a collection, it’s super fluffy and cheesy - see the pick up line ;)

I Hate You a Latte - yeaa enemies to lovers au who also love showing off their flirting skills infront of everyone lol

Puppy Love - a fic from our legendary project! it’s a dog cafe how cute! and it’s jongin who owns it ^u^

Coffee never hurt anyone - hybrid au, soo is a kitty hybrid working in the cafe and jongin visits him…smut

A Warm Cup Of You - jongin is getting more than just a caramel frappe :3 and smooth kyungsoo making all the right moves ;D

Coffee Shop AU - kyungsoo visits his favourite coffee shop often and one of the reasons is that he has a crush on a cute boy who works there :)

The Creepy Kid With The Baby - coffee shop setting :) kyungsoo routinely visits a coffee shop and one day a stranger just tells him to hold his baby while he has a cup of coffee done n ready to be picked up - the dilemma! 

awakened - a little drabble of jongin falling a little for the cute barista oo behind the counter ^^

A Dandelion of Dawn - a mysterious writer is intriguing in barista jongin’s eyes. soft and soothing :)

- Admin J

[larenoz]

Roswell New Mexico - Live Rewatch - Ep 1 - Pilot

So I don’t really have much in the way of original content on my blog. So I decided it might be fun to post the live blog I’ve been doing on discord of the rewatch our server is doing for Roswell, New Mexico over the hiatus period. 

I’ve only posted my comments, so there might be a couple of bits that look out of place. These are my responses to other people’s comments. I’m up to episode 6, so I will post the backlog and then do one a week until the re-watch is complete.

Be warned, there is swearing. 

--------------------------------

Sorry, cat decided it wanted a cuddle

I love the glass effect, it's so cool

You may not plan to see the small people again, Liz but we know it's gonna happen!!

Not gonna lie, I love poltics in my TV

You quote that verdict to him, Liz!!

That vent tells us so much about Liz in such a short period of time.

You're finally back says Max.Because he's been waiting for that to happen the whole time.

Excuse me Sheriff, with that good girl comment. Rude!

Arturo, playing along with Liz's mpreg story.

Fuck, I just realised - mpreg is canon!?!

Rosa!!

I want antenna headband

Cream on a milkshake is wrong.

So many people in this show have pretty eyes!!

Nooo.

Damn that's alot of lights to replace

I love that damn bullet hole in Liz's dress. It was the first indication they weren't gonna make everyone dumb as a bag of rocks and drag the storyline out FOR EVER.

Hoverboarding. Iz!!

Hey there Kyle!

Annnd here it comes, I'm in love.

That smug fucking grin. The song.

That look when he's trying to get the keys. That look would make you do just about anything.

That Michael monologue. It just gets better everytime I watch it.

Without a doubt, top 3 best character intros ever.

And we're only 15 mins in! I need to make less comments

I didn't think anyone was reading!! :wink:

"Untie some loose ends" - you go Iz

Oh Max you fucker. Telling Michael he wouldn't do anything for anyone else. Excuse fucking you.

Ok, blasting Max across the room is kinda hot. But then his guilty face! :sob:

And god, that little shoulder touch on Iz one the way out.

Another example of non-verbal storytelling. In one scene we get the fractured relationship between Max and Michael, we get that Iz and Michael are close and that both boys defer/protect Iz. So much with so little. It also sets up the physicality of the broken relationship between Max and Michael.

Others have commented on how Max is physically intimidating with people, and literally pushes Michael around, but to be fair, Michael is pretty much the same with Max (but never really with anyone else that we see on screen though we hear about it.

And then in a few lines, Iz gives us a lifetime of fears and concerns - dissection, prison, lying and hiding to loved ones - the rest of the season in seconds of dialogue

Ah, the ONLY thing that gives me Max feels is how dismissive both Iz and Michael are of Max's feelings about Liz. Especially annoying consider Michael should really fucking know better.

Yeah, because he's been pining for Alex just as long.

Unrequited love hurts just as much. Kiss or no kiss.

That's my take anyway.

Here it comes...

Typing may get bad. Cat is sitting on chest and I can't see keyboard.

Seriously, there is nothing overtly relationshippy or sexual, no pointed stares, but just how soft Michael is, even as he's making the real Manes man comment, you just know these two have a past, and that past was probably intimate.

The casual sex comment though, oh yeah they've fucked. That is such a fuck you comment to an ex.

And again with massive story in few words - Alex knocking his leg. "3/4 of one"

That run and tell Daddy line. The nastiest thing Michael says in the entire season, although we don't know that yet. And it strikes such a dissonant tone, even though we don't know why. I'm gonna put it down to things changing so much between shooting the pilot and the rest of the season.

Just my humble opinion but the shirt changing scene could've lasted longer. Just sayin'

Maths, lots and lots of maths

I love the glass SFX

Rosa!! "All our lives that kids been making eyes at you"

Oh Liz, such a good sister. Fixing up the memorial. And the braclets

Ah, sneaky Liz appears

Oh yeah can he keep a secret

Liz begging Max to tell her she isn't loosing her mind. Fuuuck.

Not cool Michael. Great control, but not cool.

Racist Hank, you douche bag

And Maria introduced as taking no shit from ANYONE.

Iz and her slideshow. I love that line.

Why is Iz so vehement that Michael would be so upset about telling Liz?

Max loosing it and Iz looking quite surprised. Forshadowing

yes, Iz no like about it. He is in love with her.

Ah Iz, Iz, Iz. "Too many secrets, things she can't ever know" you don't know the half of it.

Fall in love with someone else.  - If I could have, I would have. Fuck, Max, I feel you on that one.

Jesus, how do all these guys make dark flannel look so hot?

Dance it out. i don't dance in this town anymore, Kyle...

Hot take, I know everyone is mad for Trevino's cheekbones, but honestly, they aren't my thing. But his eyes, gods, his eyes. He has the best eyes on the show. God that make me sound like a freak.

"whatever" with that tiny, tiny almost invisible smirk. Yeah, you think you're all that

He manages that whole distraction use me, use me speech without coming off as a total wanker. And that is pretty amazing.

The station promo/ad on my cable channel has a bit for Roswell - tag line: "Beam me up hotties." Too right.

Scientist Liz!!

Needs answers now.

Fuck you Jesse Manes

I hate you already.

No Kyle, don't do it. But thank fuck he doesn't just start talking,

Yeah, nah Max. That's not how it works. It's not ok if people are nice to you but shitty to everyone else.

Why should Michael like the world? it's been pretty shitty to him!?!

Liz with the serial killer joke, just with the wrong person!!

The pods are sorta cool.

They could've been so chessy.

Now we know why the three of them are so close. And just about the only real bit of exposition on the show.

But will you Liz? Will you keep the promise?

Secret Bunker No 1

"This matters to you, so I'm here". :heart:

Do what Michael, what could you possibly mean?

"Just like you did 10 yrs ago".......

What are you max? Just a guy from Roswell

In Max's favour, when he says he stayed in Roswell, and didn't follow Liz because of Iz and Michael, he doesn't sound resentful, which is sort of what you'd expect here. I like that.And Max going to the reunion for Iz. And Liz tagging along even though she's expecting a bad reception.

"i don't save people all the time. I never save people" But you saved Liz, And why is that Max?

OT re Trevino's eyes. It was that gif set of him laying on his stomach  on his bed (?) with his doggo, looking up to the camera. That angle, OMG, his eyes....

And no verbal confirmation, just Liz realising exactly what Max said - that even though he's in a job where he'd be in contact with sick/dying people alot, he's never saved anyone before. Omph

Of course you remember the very first time you met, Max.

Little kid Max is sooo cute.

Ah you big sap, Max.

No kissing. An "Echo" of what he feels for Liz.

Nice choice of words there writers.

We see what you did there.

So far it's taken me 2 hrs to watch 50 mins

Fuck you again Jesse Manes

Swoon Kyle's eyes.

And we have Kyle's first exposure to the fact that the govt knows about aliens and did medical type stuff to them.  Does this hover in the back of his mind from now on? is this the reason for the quick reaction to his fathers actions at Caufield.?

No he's fucking not cooking meth. Seriously, Alex, what the fuck?

Sorry Alex, not cool, not cool AT all.

I want to see the outakes of Tyler saying phenyl-2-propanone

Because I'm a bitch like that

Yeah, that so serious up close and personal for straight people....

And there is Alex's nastiest line - You're wasting your life. Gods, that is such a shit thing to say to Michael.

And re outtakes because Tyler would laugh and do that thing where he covers his mouth as he trys to stop himself giggling. That's soooo cute.

But anyway, back to the show...

Oh, he wants to hold something, Michael but it's not your hand...

Macho cowboy swagger.

Did it get old for you.

No it did not get fucking old for him. At all.

Michael walking away with arm around girl. Noting for those who say they didn't realise Michael was bi after watching the pilot. How?

How could you miss it?

You go Maria - dying alone of syphillis to bitch

Maybe Liz does still dance in Roswell!! She just needs a good reason.

And that song begins.

"You can't hide from who you are". Alex's prothesis as he looks at himeself skating in the slide show. Fucking killing us.

And it only gets worse-

I don't thnk that's an unpopular opinon at all. That's totally where I see his headspace. But that does result in him saying some nasty shit to Michael. And it's because we know it's not true that it hurts so much.

Fair warning it may take me half an hour to get through the next 2 mins of show!!

Long shot - "Nostalgia's a bitch"

Fuck, the way Michael looks at Alex as he's leaning against the door. People have started wars to have someone look at them like that. That's Greek epic shit right there.

Then cut shot to Max and Iz looking at Liz.

Alex expecting Michael to be gone from Roswell.

"Is that what you want" as Michael takes a step closer. Not "wanted", but "want".

"What I want doesn't matter" as they both slowly sway towards each other. Bullshit, Alex. What you want is ALL that matters. Fuck everything else.

Michael's eyes flicking up to Alex's face....

And Michael launches himself at Alex like a dying man.

God, how do you even describe that kiss?? Everything about it is just.......

But it's more than just the fire. Its the tenderness of Michael gently craddling Alexs' head even though the kiss is passionate and desperate.

Battery break

And then, back to reality - Iz knows that Max has told Liz.

And then Jess Fucking Manes (I fututus et mori in ignie cunne) (don't look that up it's very bad swearing) talking about being monsters who despise compassion and love. Projecting much.

"Thrive on our tragedy". Die MF Die

Despise Love over a visual of Michael and Alex. Die some more you MF

But you haven't told Liz everything have you Max. There's still some stuff you're hiding.

"When the truth hunts you down"

Yeah, that truth is going to hunt you down and fuck you up Max

My house just wobbled.

No, there isn't a secret that is safe.

And people will be caught in the crossfire - have already.

"What's lost will be found, when the truth hunts you down."

Well doesn't that one line sum up a ton of shit that goes down in the rest of the season.

And fin

3 hrs

That was not what I planned.

[in-madhouses]

i dont mean to bother you but can you link me to the epilogue of your fic ‘they’ll hang us in the louvre” i absolutely have adored reading and im happy i stumbled across your blogs and fics and i cant wait to read more!

HELLO! NO BOTHER AT ALL. Life has just gotten in the way a little and I’ve been absolutely trash about updating. But here’s the epilogue for louvre for those who are actually still out there reading things I post  😭😭😭

.

“So what can you tell us about the Marauders film coming out in a couple of weeks?” The excited host asks with a little glint in his eye, as though he’s asking something he already knows the answer to.

“I.. I can tell you what I don’t know, which is everything,” Aahna deflects instead with a bit of a blush staining her cheeks.

Niall forces to keep a straight face at the sight of her on the screen, slightly squirmish but totally acing it.

Despite being high key in the interview spotlight (on and off) for well over two years by now, he can never get over the fact that Aahna confident to the point of arrogance Deakins doesn’t do very well with interviews.

For all intents and purposes, she does just fine. She carries her confidence like a shield and her charm simply radiates onto the screen. But after being intimately acquainted with her and her idiosyncrasies for a better part of a year, her slight awkwardness is evident. Especially when it’s on red couches and with interviewers that she binge watches on a regular.

“You have to know something!” Graham presses on.

“They didn’t exactly… I mean, at this point I know more about how nuclear reactors work than I do about the Marauders movie,” Aahna says casually.

“Are you saying you haven’t watched it or that you’re surprisingly well educated about nuclear reactors?”

“Both?” She laughs.

And Niall knows she’s not lying, she’d looked it up the week before and spent her night explaining to him it how it worked in detail.

The flamboyant host presses on, “Do you even know if you’re in it at all?”

“I don’t… I… I’m not sure,” she stutters a little before chuckling.

The petite host all but practically screeches at that, “You’re not sure?”

“Is it because they don’t trust you to keep things off social media?”

“Pretty much,” Aahna nods, her grin wide and bashful at the same time, “I wasn’t exactly given a script. Everyone on the principal cast knew what was going on, they literally jumped straight into filming after the last season but I was only given the scenes that I was in, and mid-way through production, so I could be a ghost, a memory, a spell-induced hallucination, I’m possibly not even in the movie at all.”

Niall smiles to no one in particular, somewhat proud how well she’s fending despite the multitude of complicated factors surrounding the interview;

a) the possibility of letting too much about the movie slip and therefore violating her NDA, his NDA, and everyone’s NDA basically because she only knows as much as she knows because they’d told her,

b) the possibility of not talking about the movie enough which would cause the audience to be less excited about the boys being on the show in the following week,

c) the fact that she’s not actually on The Graham Norton Show to promote the Marauders movie but the new season of her own show, and of course,

d) the possibility of deflecting everything far too much and then having to maneuver questions about their relationship status which was a newly hot topic of much speculation.

Despite them not even trying to be sneaky about things after the completion of Marauders: The Final Chapter, the internet stayed unsuspectingly calm.

Apart from that one grainy low quality images of them having dinner surfacing on a fan blog, they’ve actually managed to evade the full force of rumours and speculation with Aahna busy with season two of her show and Niall preoccupied piecing together the parts for his own expansion of title from just ‘actor’ to ‘actor slash screenwriter slash director.’

It only unexpectedly comes to a head when Aahna tweets one of the March Madness bracket charts comparing the fictional men on television by replacing every name with Remus Lupin.

Twitter, as it does, promptly loses its shit over it.

@itsAahna

Fixed the chart for you 🙃 @BBCOne

@BBCOne

Wow what were even doing before you came along? @itsAahna

@itsAahna

Sleeping on Remus Lupin, clearly @BBCOne

@drowningg-in-deniall

can @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial just get together already i want peace 😭

@mishchiefnmayhem

OTPOTPOTPOTPOTP #drowningindeniall

@moooony

I WILL REVOLT #wandsattheready #drowningindeniall @MaraudersMovie

@padsnprongs

I mean we all know #jily is endgame in the movie but i want to see @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial IRL #drowningindeniall

@NikkiSwiftCeleb

If this doesn’t change your opinion on the “friendship” between @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial nothing will.

@PerezHilton

Can we say we called it first? @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@EW

@MaraudersMovie exclusive. The cast weigh in on the new fave will they won’t they couple and THAT tweet >> bit.ly/Jh8e3rd4

Niall was back in Ireland when it happens, but his Twitter blows up with fans asking if they really are dating. Oddly, none of the guys or any of the Marauders’ cast members pester him about it. Probably because they think that Aahna’s contractually obligated to keep the conversation on the upcoming Marauders movie, but keeping their sexual relationship turned actual relationship a secret for months on end is surprisingly easy when your friends aren’t being complete nosy fucks.

The only person who truly suspected anything had Caroline, and even then, she’d only thought they were having hate sex to fix all their problems. (Not like she was wrong.) But when they decided to come clean when they wrapped filming with a round of drinks, they find out that there’d been a betting pool going on in regards to their relationship instead.

“I had a tenner riding on this,” Louis says, swaying a little after his umpteenth shot, “I still can’t believe the two of you didn’t get together before the movie wrapped!”

Niall and Aahna share a look at that, but before either of them can let the cat out of the bag, Louis then goes off on how no one but Harry expected them all to become friends and how this lead to them all losing money to Harry and they telepathically decide against telling their friends. (Seems only fair, since their friends were all proving to be complete pricks.)

Which only brings things to their current conundrum of having to promote a movie whilst making use of their fan favourite characters’ practically non-existent romance while some fans were emotionally invested in the actors’ very secret but very real romance.

He smiles at the thought. Because he likes to tell people that he was in love once, back in Ireland. But he didn’t really fall in love, fall in love. Not really. It was more of a familiarity. Like one day something that was there all along that just… became love. And it’s entirely the opposite of what happened with Aahna. Before he was even fully aware of what was happening, she was just… all over his life. Everywhere. Like someone poured her over every inch of him and she just seeped into the very fabric of his life and he can’t wash her out no matter how much bleach he used.

The on screen conversation shifts to the other guests for a bit focusing on the projects they qere involved in, but when the host with the big red couch says he has some tweets to pull out circling back to her, Niall could see the subtle signs of panic creep in on her face.

“Lips were obviously sealed quite tightly when you got cast for the backdoor pilot on Marauders, but an incident got leaked to the press didn’t it?”

“Wait, is this the video?” Aahna asks realisation dawned upon her.

“These were the tweets following that video that most people seem to have forgotten about.”

“Something that you won’t let happen, obviously,” Aahna comments good humouredly, mentally bracing herself for whatever the Graham Norton team has managed to dig up on the interwebs.

“Obviously,” the host announces as they move their attention to the screen on set, “Now these tweets are, I believe, the immediate aftermath of the video hitting the internet.”

@NiallOfficial

4 yrs on a top rated tv show only to end up sharing scentime with someone who got famous lookng gd in thr underwear

@NiallOfficial

that’s not me throwing shade at modesl that’s me throwing shade at @itsAahna

@NiallOfficial

it’s really not my fault that @itsAahna finds memorising lines harder than slupring tequila off her girlfriend’s belly button

@itsAahna

are YOU slurping tequila off of your girlfriend’s belly button right now? @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

lol kidding (what girlfriend) 😂 @NiallOfficial

@NiallOfficial

at least i’m not about to send in a sex tape to @DailyMirror to distract people from how i cant act atall

@itsAahna

if you wanted to make a sex tape all you had to do was ask @NiallOfficial

“And this went on for like a whole hour at 3 in the morning,” Graham titters excitedly as he continues scrolling through the seemingly endless barrage of tweets.

“They do say that the best relationships start from heated online arguments,” Aahna shrugs, a smile dangling coyly on the edge of her lips.

Niall’s heart skips a whole beat at that.

But luckily, no one on the red couch seemed to have given it as much thought and they glide by the whole topic unsuspectingly.

“I mean, at one point you weren’t even typing words!” The host exclaims, still scrolling through tweets.

“No, you have to say it really fast, it’s… it’s a joke on the Irish accent, I was making fun of his accent,” Aahna admits, looking a little pink in the cheeks in embarrassment and nerves.

She then does an (in his opinion, piss poor) impression of his Irish accent.

Niall can’t help it though, his smile is still so wide, he’s at risk of his face splitting in half.

“You might as well have insulted potatoes,” Graham responds, rather aghast at her impersonation.

“Or Guinness, the Irishman is rather fond of his Guinness,” Ines chimes in.

The rest of the interview goes on with attention bouncing back and forth between the guests and before he notices it, the musical guest comes on and the credits are rolling. He does his best to pretend to be upset when she breezes into his apartment like it’s hers the next day (although to be honest, it’s all hers really; his apartment, his mind, his soul, his heart).

“That’s your best impersonation of me?” He tuts, faking being insulted so hard he wonders how he was ever employed as an actor.

She, in turn, does a very poor job of not smiling as she sets down boxes of takeaway in his kitchen, “Seeing as that was the dumbest I’ve ever looked on telly, I think it was pretty on.”

He grins, “You were great.”

“I can see why you need glasses,” she raises a brow at his direction.

Niall merely shakes his head at that. It’s a quarter past four and the gang should be at his place in about an hour because everyone unanimously decided that he needed to host a party to celebrate his script selling and the studio wanting him to direct and she’s doing the dishes because ‘only losers eat out of takeaway boxes at a party’ and he can’t stop staring.

She looks up and finds him sort of looking at her weird.

“What?”

You, he thinks, I’m looking at you. I’m always looking at you.

“You know this is probably what Sierra meant,” he points out, a little breathless over absolutely nothing, “About distractions.”

She links her hands behind his neck, feigning ignorance, “No idea what you mean.”

And then he’s kissing her against the overflowing sink and she’s laughing, and he thinks it tastes better than anything in his whole atmosphere.

And honestly, Niall is pretty sure he could live off of that feeling for the rest of his life.

@Harry_Styles

I don’t mean to alarm anyone but I think @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial are legitimately dating.

@AinsWills

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@LeeyumPain

Pics or it didn’t happen @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

DELETE. NOW. @Harry_Styles

@Louis_Tomlinson

SSSADFGDSASDFGDSADFSF

@Louis_Tomlinson

#DROWNINGINDENIALL @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

#AAHNAANDNIALLERSITTINGONATREE @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

Stop yelling or I s2g I’m coming over there and choking you @Louis_Tomlinson

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinky. I take it @NiallOfficial likes it rough?

@NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson keep your kinks to yourself. yes this is me kinkshaming you

@itsAahna

There are children on the interwebs!! @Louis_Tomlinson @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinkshaming is my kink @NiallOfficial 😉

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kids, kinkshaming is bad

@NiallOfficial

jokes on you kinkshaming kinkshames is my kink @Louis_Tomlinson

@AinsWills

Caaaaan we bring it back to the betrayal bit @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

Yes. In case you’re all wondering, the @MaraudersMovie cast has a betting pool on @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

And I want my money back @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

Et tu @C_Davies? Et tu??

@Harry_Styles

None of that 👆 was a ‘yes, we’re dating’ @C_Davies

@itsAahna  

I’m blocking all of yous. @Harry_Styles @Louis_Tomlinson @LeeyumPain @C_Davies @AinsWills

@NiallOfficial

Yes, we’re dating 🙃

@itsAahna

BLOCKEDDDD @NiallOfficial 😡😡😡

@zaynmalik retweeted @AinsWils

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna  

Okay internet (and former friends) You win this one.

@Louis_Tomlinson

I want my tenner back @Harry_Styles

[omniversalobservations]

Back to Next Saturday (1985)

A preview of NBC's Saturday morning lineup in 1985, in which Blair (Facts of Life) reads Rudy (Cosby Show) to sleep and Rudy dreams that she's trapped in the "Dream Zone" and, accompanied by other characters from Saturday morning shows, must get back.

Steve Alterman ... Ash Casey Ellison ... Allen Anderson Ami Foster ... Margaux Kramer Soleil Moon Frye ... Punky Brewster Dan Gilvezan ... Spider-Man Cherie Johnson ... Cherie Johnson Keshia Knight Pulliam ... Rudy Huxtable Mr. T ... Mr. T Gabriela Nelson ... Carla Robbie Rist ... Whiz Bryan Scott ... Kidd Video Frank Welker ... Glomer Lisa Whelchel ... Blair Warner

Source: IMDB

After she falls asleep, Keisha is soon visited by an animated flying cat-bear thing that calls himself “Glomer,” who uses some of his “magic dust” (giant ironic **wink**) to transport her to the Dream Zone, a treacherous land of shadowy caves, trap doors, falling rocks, lakes of fire, and most horrifyingly, random televisions turned to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Glomer stars in the animated version of Punky Brewster, because every animated version of a TV show in the 80s required some sort of enchanted animal so that they didn’t simply repeat the plots of the original source material. He (it?) attempts to transport Keisha to the cartoon world, but accidently brings our favorite tiny hobo clown and her pals to the Dream Zone instead.

The kids immediately determine that they must follow a series of clues in order to find a mysterious queen who will return them to their respective worlds. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it doesn’t have to–this gossamer thread of a plot exists solely to get the kids (and the audience) from one cartoon preview to the next, watching clips that were so hastily thrown together that the soundtrack doesn’t always sync up with the film. First, they see a preview for The Snorks, a “clamtastic adventure” about underwater creatures with what look like drinking straws emerging from the tops of their heads. Based on a fifteen second clip, Punky’s buddy Allen announces “I’ll be watching The Snorks for sure!”

Equally inspired by The Goonies, released three months earlier, much of the show just features the kids wandering around in the spooky Dream Zone, occasionally acting as though they’re scared. As cute and cuddly as all of these child actors are, it appears that their direction was limited to “Play it louder…no, LOUDER.” Soleil Moon Frye and Keisha Knight Pulliam, in particular, shout all their lines like they’re attempting to speak to an elderly relative at a crowded Thanksgiving table. A plastic skeleton hanging from a ceiling terrifies them, but they’re not at all fazed to see Smurfette speaking to them from a television, or Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks reminding them to watch his show, but neglecting to tell them how to get out of the Dream Zone.

They also have no issue with an adult emerging from a hidden passageway while dressed in a bear suit, something that would certainly cause Yr. Correspondent’s bowels to evacuate. This would be Cubbi, the lead character of Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears, a show that has pretty much the same plot as The Smurfs, except here they’re bears who harvest “gummiberries” instead. The catchy theme song of Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears was performed by a former lead singer for Toto, and that is literally the only thing interesting about this cartoon, which somehow aired for an implausible six years.

Glomer, a creature that, like Mr. Cool in Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, exists mostly to make life difficult for its human counterparts, then zaps the cast of Kidd Video, a show I forgot existed until the moment it was mentioned on the program, into the Dream Zone. Kidd Video was NBC’s touchingly clumsy attempt at rescuing adolescent audiences from the clutches of MTV, featuring a “hip” teen rock group stuck in an alternate universe called “The Flipside,” who would distract potential enemies by showing them the hottest new music videos. This lily-white bunch of kids “often break danced to relax,” and were evidently quite popular in Israel, according to Wikipedia.

Popular in Israel or not, they don’t prove to be much help to Punky and the kids. It takes Spider-Man, and eventually the then-ubiquitous Mr. T (who proclaims “I pity the fool who tries to keep my friends from NBC Saturday morning!”) to get them out of one bind after another, including having to jump over a pool of lava. Meanwhile, little Keisha, who, for unknown reasons, has wandered off from the rest of the group, takes the opportunity to break into song. This makes Lisa Whelchel appear again, this time as the Queen of the Dream Zone, dressed like Glinda the Good Witch, and with her hair even bigger than before. They duet for a couple moments before they’re reunited with the other kids, and then the whole casts performs a song about the importance of Keisha returning home in time to see her favorite Saturday morning cartoons, as opposed to, oh, I don’t know, go to school or see her parents.

“Will I ever see my friends again?” little Keisha asks. “Of course!” answers Queen Lisa. “All you have to do is turn on your television!” It must be pointed out that “Your friends live in the television” is a strange message to send to children, and I say that having been a child who watched so much television that my eyes might as well have been rendered into two tiny test patterns.

Keisha returns safely to her own world, in her bed, with Lisa back to being just the regular babysitter with hair that only requires half a case of Aqua Net to hold it up, as opposed to the whole thing. Things seem normal, but–doh ho ho!–there’s Glomer again, babbling in that familiar Frank Welkerese, reminding the audience not to forget to watch their favorite shows on NBC Saturday morning, as if this wasn’t what the entire past twenty-five minutes was about in the first place.

Source: Tune in Tonight!

(images via YouTube)

[oranginaqueen]

Reading Habits!

Tagged by @fght-ff-yr-dmns :)

Do you have a certain place at home for reading?

When the weather is nice, I love to sit on the swing on the front porch. Otherwise, I curl up on the couch with my cats and read.

Bookmark or random piece of paper?

I have some bookmarks, but I lately I just use a basic land card from Magic the Gathering. I am currently using a mountain.

Can you just stop reading or do you have to stop after a chapter/a certain amount of pages?

If there are only a couple of pages left in a chapter, I will try to finish it. If there's quite a few pages left, I like to stop at the bottom of the left page, so I can pick back up at the top of the right.

Do you eat or drink while reading?

If I am reading in the morning, I most likely have a cup of coffee. Any other time I've always got a glass of water, or hot tea for nighttime.

Music or TV while reading?

I like to have music playing while I read to drown out the random distracting noises. It's usually something pretty chill and mostly instrumental like Beach House or Explosions in the Sky.

Reading at home or everywhere?

Everywhere! I read a ton at home, but I work at the library, so I also read a lot when I'm working the reference desk and it's slow. If it's a super nice day, I love to go put down a blanket in the park and read.

Reading out loud or silently in your head?

Silently in my head.

Do you read ahead or even skip pages?

When I start a new book, the very first thing I read is the very last sentence of the book. I have no idea why I started doing this, but I've been doing it for as long as I can remember.

I would never skip pages, though!

Breaking the spine or keeping it like new?

I try to keep most of my books in good shape. I'm always tossing them in my tote, but I try to be careful. It makes me sad when the corners get frayed or the cover gets bent. However, I have had my paperback copy of To Kill a Mockingbird since circa 1997, and it was a used book before that. It's incredibly ratty.

Do you write in your books?

The only time I write in a book is when I am giving a book as a gift. I like to write a note and sign it and date it inside the cover. I've always wanted to be one of those people who makes thoughtful notes in books and underlines meaningful passages, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Tagging fellow book lovers @mllycndclrk @electricbloom and anyone who wants to have a go.

[sareesinthewind]

Photo 1: My Ammama's house Photo 2: My home during the 2 richest months of my life Photo 3: The TRO office on the A9 Road, Killinochchi (2005) Photo 4: 2 Grave "stones" of Tsunami victims erected at a mass burial site Photo 5: 69 children, all under the age of 12 perished at this Children's Home in Mullaittivu. There were remnants of feeding bottles, toys, shoes and books strewn around. SHIRANEE ************ 19 February 2005

Hi all  When I arrived at the TRO office in Colombo and asked if I could hitch a ride to the Vanni I didn't know they were looking for a translator for 2 French ladies who had arrived with relief items that they wanted to distribute at the camps (known as welfare centres).  That is how I met Sandrine and Catherine Chopin (S&C) and had 4 memorable days on the road with the sisters. The trip up to Vanni was smooth (left Colombo at 2am) until we reached the Army checkpoint at Omanthai at 9am. We followed the heavily laden truck (with relief items), by van.   The SL Army insisted on unloading the truck to check if we were carrying any banned items  (like guns!).  They detained us in the hot sun for 3 hrs while they unloaded, checked then reloaded and demanded Rs.1800 for their trouble !! Sandrine was not going to part with the money without a struggle. She asked to be taken to the highest ranking army officer who was rude and relentless while the junior officers were very apologetic saying they were only carrying out orders. We had no choice but to pay the 1800 rupees and get out of there before they thought of other ways of harassing us.  While they checked our personal baggage 2 female army officers helped themselves (or thought they did) to 2 of the trauma bears that I had brought.   When they finished with my bags, I pretended I didn't understand any Sinhala, grabbed the bears from them and put them back in my bag and zipped up very quickly.�� They made rude comments about the Tsunami victims being 'lucky' because they received stuff like the bears !!!!   My limited knowledge of Sinhala prevented me - I was so tempted to say something which would have been a very foolish move under the circumstances.   Arrived at Killinochi (TRO Headoffice) at 3pm, very tired, hungry and longing for a shower but had to go into meetings with the TRO guys who would help us with logistics/direction re distribution.  I was on a PC translating and typing lists, 15 minutes after arriving in our homeland - felt very useful and glad to be so.  All records are maintained in Tamil so any information needed, has to be translated, which is where I become useful. 95% population speak only Tamil. The 20 year civil war preceding the Tsunami has impeded the education of the younger generation. They had no opportunity of learning English (or anything else for that matter).    Coming back to S&C,  we got the necessary information and with a guide provided by the TRO we left Killinochi for the Mullaitivu area to distribute relief items - this we did for 3 days, returning only to sleep at 11.30 pm each day. Mullaitivu is about 1-2 hrs by (pot-holed, mostly dirt) road.  We visited several welfare centres, all run by TRO.   We met victims still in schools (Phase 1), in tents (Phase2) and saw individual homes still under construction (Phase 3) where they will eventually be resettled.  Life in the tents is unbearable in the 40 degree heat - very sad. They sit in groups under the shade of trees during day and go into the tent only at night. They have no choice.  I managed to distribute the stuff I brought - Karen, the kids loved the trauma bears.  They have nothing to call their own and hugged them tight.  The stuff that Sue and Kate gave too were gratefully received - very useful.  S&C brought stuff that were suitable for infants - we had made up baby kits with about 12 items in each kit before we left Killi.  The smaller camps were easy but there was a rush for stuff in one camp that we reached only at 6.30pm.  We had to use the headlights of the van to distribute the packages as there was no electricity - this was a bit scary as we were losing control of the situation - people mobbed us and were visibly disturbed that they had not each received something.  Those who didn't get anything were complaining to me as I was the only Tamil  in the 'team'.  Very sad I wish we could give them all something - they had lost absolutely everything - some even had their clothes washed away and found themselves naked when the water receded.  TRO is doing a marvellous job with the limited resources.  We had lunch at one of the camps y'day and the inmates were thrilled that we shared their lunch. It is not an experience I can even begin to describe.  I had the opportunity of talking to many of the victims.  A lady who was surprisingly cheerful said she had lost 15 relatives including 3 siblings and 3 grandchildren. I asked her how she coped with her grief - she said being amongst others like her helped her cope. She pointed to the rest of the refugees and said that they were all in the same plight.  There was a very young father who blinked away tears as he related his story. He had returned from Dubai when he heard of the Tsunami only to find his wife and all 3 kids had perished.  He is not sure if he wants to go back to Dubai to continue his job as a truck driver there.  He says he has no one to earn for.  There was a lone young woman sitting under a tree - I sat with her for about 10 mins but could not get a word out of her - she sat with her head lowered and was not even aware of my presence.  The others told me she had lost her youngest who was born 2 months after her husband's death (natural causes) - this child had been special.  She had 2 other young kids who hung around. She ignored them.  The other inmates are caring for those kids.  Several such stories.  It was the fisherfolk who were most affected in the Mullaitivu district. The fishermen, now living in temporary shelters are proud breadwinners and are not happy to live on handouts. They want to get back to sea as soon as possible. I think that is the best 'relief' we can offer them.  I have now made contact with Prof. Soosaiananthan who has taken time off from his job at the Jaffna University (lecturer in Fisheries and Aquaculture) to help restart the fisheries industry in the Mullaitivu area.    I start work with Prof. Soosai's team today working on the "Back to Sea" project and will be based at the TRO office in Killinochi.  The "team" consists all of 3 members including  yours truly!! We have an office set aside for us with 2 PCs.    I will be translating reports and other data which we will send to people overseas who are interested in helping.  Everything happens at snail pace here - so don't expect updates from me too often!!!   S&C returned to Colombo this morning and I miss them - we had a wonderful time together with our young muslim driver, Innam and Jeevan the TRO guide - everyone worked so well together.  I am beginning phase 2 of my work here (!!) today.  Very rewarding time so far and am already sad that almost a week of my 8 weeks here is coming to an end. I will write whenever I find time. I am going to try and attach some photos and hope it gets through to you.  Sadeesh the IT guy here tells me hotmail will only carry one photo at a time - will therefore send you separate emails with photos - please bear with me !!  Shiranee  ************ 13 March 2005  Hi everyone  This is another update in case you are interested.  I am continuing to enjoy my stay here and find the work very rewarding.   I live in a small house built by the TRO for volunteers.  There are 5 such houses in one compound but not all are occupied all the time.  At the moment there is a couple (retired engineer and wife from UK), 2 young engineers and myself occupying 3 houses.  All meals are delivered from a communal kitchen in an adjoining compound.  It is quite normal to hear rustling sounds in the house. I am too scared to investigate so I get under my mosquito net (for safety!!) and read by torch light.  I am quite often in bed by 8pm.  I can ask the watchman (of the compound) to have a look but don't want to - this is all part and parcel of life here. I suspect frogs have decided to keep me company. Plenty of wildlife around. The UNICEF rep here (American lady) was bitten by a snake and was airlifted to Colombo after 3 days at the Killinochchi hospital.  I ride a bike to work and back and arrive at the office huffing and puffing much to the amusement of the TRO staff.  I am so unfit. At the moment I walk to work (45mins each way) because I have a flat tyre which needs fixing.   The sun is scorching hot by 7am.  Believe it or not, I have now acquired a tan !!!   I work in the office 6 days and teach English on Sundays (after attending CSI church at 7.30am) at one of the orphanages close by which cares for 520 girls and a few boys under 5.  I can't bear to go the baby section because it is so pathetic. The kids are very well cared for, well fed and kept clean but there is still that sadness in their eyes.  I try and make the lessons as fun as possible - games, actions, colouring etc    The Year 9's were only interested in the story I read and explained to them in Tamil.  There is a 21 yr old in the office (Akila) who grew up in the same orphanage.  She is keen to learn English but all she wants to do everyday is read the Cinderella story - I try to distract her and teach her other things but later wondered if that story is her dream too and whether that is why she wants to read that story over and over again. She is gradually beginning to trust me and now tells me her story - very sad.  She has a little sister in the same orphanage and a brother in an adjoining boys home.  Her sister is currently down with mumps along with 34 other kids and has been quarantined. Akila told me her sister was tiny for her age (I am yet to meet the sister) because she had only been fed water for the first few weeks of her life.  Children as little as 7 draw water from the well, hand wash  their own clothes and attend to all their needs themselves - they are so much more independent and capable than our children growing up in luxury in Australia.  Another girl (Year 9) told me that she owned a cow called 'Letchumie". She does not speak of her parents or siblings (probably dead, not sure) but keeps telling me she misses her cow and wonders where it is today.  Like the Tsunami victims I spoke to, I think these girls take comfort in the fact that everyone around them is in the same plight.  Some who have one parent or relatives (who are interested enough) go home during the holidays but the others stay all through the year. One girl even told me that she misses the orphanage when she goes home and feels 'out of place' when she is with her family who she sees only once a year - probably true.  My work is quite varied and I am happy to do whatever is useful which is mostly the use of my language skills.  For example, I attended the sports meet of a preschool run by the TRO where they teach kids 3-6 years in ENGLISH. The people here are aware of their lack of English skills and make it a priority to learn the language. Anyway, at the sports meet, I was asked to make the announcements in English (I was only there as a guest).  The guy making the announcements in Tamil was so professional and here I was spluttering my way through colloquial English - lucky not many understood me!!  I am often called into meetings to translate - sometimes challenging and exhausting because I have to be very careful to understand the issues before I translate and get the right message across.    I went to Colombo for a day to get my visa renewed (we are only given 30 days on arrival). I managed to get a lift in an air-conditioned NGO 4 wheel drive - sheer luxury.  Returned in a TRO vehicle driven by a young maniac with a death wish!!  I had to keep my eyes peeled all the way back. We left Colombo at 2am to avoid the sun and also to make sure we arrived at the army checkpoint early. The driver said "akka, keep talking to me, I am feeling sleepy"!!  So I had this deep and meaningful conversation which went on for 8 hrs. Thank God we arrived safely - wont be travelling with that guy again. I have approx 4 more weeks here and panic when I realise that my days here are numbered. Will write again whenever I find the time. Shiranee ************ 4 April 2005 Hi all It is with much sadness that I have begun saying goodbye to the wonderful people I have met during my stay here in Vanni.  It is so true that time flies when you are having a good time.  This is my final update before I return home in a week.  People  have been very warm and gracious in sharing their stories with me.  Every person I met had a story – they had lost at least one (usually more) family member either in the war or as a result of the Tsunami.  Displacement has thrust them into poverty.  It is interesting how they’d go to the trouble of explaining how well off they were before the war/Tsunami. All the Tsunami victims have now been moved into temporary shelters by the TRO which is a very basic structure – one room and veranda, communal baths/toilets. The shelters are built only 7 mtrs apart from each other – no privacy at all.  They cook outside on an open fire.  The children in these compounds seem reasonably happy but some have not gone back to school yet.  This is probably because they are left with one parent (or none) and have no guidance and support to get them back to school.  Several school buildings were destroyed by the wave.  Some of the students gather under trees  in the school compound for lessons.  I have enjoyed sitting cross legged on a mat and chatting with these newly resettled families.  Most are happy with the assistance they have received but TRO is not without its share of disgruntled beneficiaries.  They are unhappy that they have not been given boats and fishing equipment yet – they are not able to comprehend the mammoth task that TRO is faced with.  I had to explain to them that TRO itself relied on donations from the Tamil diaspora and had very little money to work with.  Some were also annoyed with people like me (incl. myself!) who come, chat to them and go away leaving them ‘empty handed’.  I hope they understood when I said that my aim was to go back and publicise their plight and get more donations so TRO could do more for them.  I could easily have caused a riot if I started handing out money.  It is very clear that people are emotionally disturbed and the men in particular seem  lost and helpless.  Some are not coping well with their ‘altered’ social status and stress that they owned big houses with their own generators, couple of boats, trucks etc before the Tsunami.  Tamil funeral customs are fairly elaborate and there is a lot of trauma relating to people not having been able to perform the burial/cremation rites for their loved ones who died in the Tsunami. In a sort of compensating gesture there were several memorial functions held on the 90th day of the Tsunami, couple of which I attended.  At one such service I met a 45 yr old lady who was terminally ill.  She said she lost her husband and all 3 kids in the disaster – she cannot understand why she was spared and attributes it to ‘karma’.  At one of the shelters I met a man who kept thrusting this photo of his family (all perished) at me repeating “thanichu ponan” (I am left alone).  He had scribbled the names of his family on the door of his shelter. In the adjoining shelter there was a young widow with 3 kids with sad vacant eyes.  I have lots of photos but there have been occasions when I have felt it inappropriate to take photos.  I have given up trying to make sense of these people’s misery.  It has been an emotionally draining experience but very enriching at the same time.  Sumathi is a student teacher at the English College run by the TRO.  I always spoke English when conversing with Sumathi so she’d get some practice.  Whenever she reverted to Tamil I would keep speaking English until one day, exasperated she said “Akka, can we speak Tamil because I want to ‘talk’ to you” .  She then poured out her story.  She had lost two brothers in the war and her family had been displaced several times.  Her older sister fell in love with a LTTE soldier and married him which threw her parents into further despair.  Sumathi said she tries to remember the times when her mother was happy (before the death of her brothers). She seems desperate for her parent’s happiness. Interestingly, she didn’t refer to her own grief.  I have been visiting a few of the Nutritional Centres run by the TRO.  These are places set up in remote villages where malnourished mothers and babies are cared for until the baby reaches an acceptable weight.  A mobile doctor visits the centres weekly.  The dormitories that house  the  mothers and children are mud huts with thatched roofs which often collapse during the monsoon season.  There is a chart of recommended nutritional meals displayed on the wall but they often can’t afford to follow that chart.   TRO allocates only  Rs. 25,000 (A$320) per month to each centre for food.  This is far from adequate and the kids often go without basic necessities such as milk.  With donations from family in Sydney I have arranged to buy 2 cows each for 2 of the centres and 200 chickens for another and also paid for the construction of a hen house.  This will now provide enough milk and eggs for the centres and any excess will be sold. The needs are endless.  These centres are also refuges for abused women. I met a  14 yr old mother who has been abandoned by her parents for bringing shame on the family by becoming pregnant out of wedlock!  The man who promised to marry her had absconded.  The centres provide training  (cottage industries) for these mothers who are often illerate, so they will have a skill and are able to earn a living when they leave.   This email is going out to friends and family in over 9 countries. Some of you have worked tirelessly for TRO over the past 20 years.  Having lived and worked amongst these people I can tell you without a doubt that your efforts are not in vain.  You’d never find a more dedicated bunch of people such as those working for TRO.  They work long days and have a ‘makkalukaha” (‘for the people’) attitude in everything they do.   On a lighter note…… Sleeping-in, is not a choice we have in this part of the world – the  cock-a-doodle-doo usually starts around 4.30 and goes on until 6am when the last lazy rooster decides to join in!  I am usually up and out of bed by 5.30am with absolutely nothing to do until I leave for work at 8am.  I lie in the hammock under the mango tree until the sun is up and scorching, around 7am.  One of our neighbours must have managed to buy some batteries for his radio – he thinks nothing of sharing his choice of Tamil music with the entire neighbourhood from about 5am and then again late into the night.  He plays the music so loud that it is really horrible and  distorted.    I ride about 2km to work along a dirt road bordered by beautiful paddy fields on one side.  The fields were dry and brown when I arrived in Feb but are now being ploughed and prepared for ‘Siru Poham” (low season) cultivation.  It is sad to see young boys who should be at school working in the fields. For farmers who cant afford to pay for  labour this is the next best thing – to have their children help in the field.  Very young girls bring cooked food to the field for their fathers and brothers at lunchtime.   I am going to miss everyone here so much particularly the 3 young boys in our compound who insist on doing a ‘full service’ on my bike each morning!!  All I need is to have the rear tyre inflated a little.  They love tinkering with bikes and I seem to have provided them with the perfect toy.    Kate is another Aussie volunteer sharing the house with me.  She arrived 3 weeks ago and plans on staying for 6 months teaching English.  We both have a session of debriefing at the end of each day which is great.  I have been translating for Kate both in the neighbourhood and at the orphanage where we teach together on Sundays.  She is now hurriedly writing down Tamil phrases that she can use after I am gone. Its been a lot of fun and I will miss Kate too.  This incredible experience would not have been possible if not for the support and encouragement of my immediate and extended family.  My employers, Blake Dawson Waldron were generous in allowing me 5 weeks additional leave as part of their Tsunami relief effort. I was therefore able to save some of my leave and hope to come back again, may be late next year. See (some of) you soon. Love Shiranee

[nepsah]

lmk if you’d rather i not rb to respond to this-

i’ve gone under anesthesia a couple times (top surgery, and a couple oral surgeries) and usually the nervousness didn’t hit until the actual Day Of Surgery but its totally understandable that you’re nervous way before then since its your first time!

my typical coping method for that sort of thing is just to dive into big distractions but, sometimes i think it helps to hear from others abt how their experiences went so under the cut i’ve described mine - if you think that’ll make you more nervous, don’t read ‘em ahaha it won’t be anything graphic.

oral surgery 1: this was my first one as a young teen. for this one they used gas. they put a mask over my face and asked me to count down from 10. i think i recall getting to 8 and then the next piece of memory is being helped into a wheelchair so i could be taken to the car. zero pain, and i don’t remember being panicked over this one.

oral surgery 2: a few yrs after the first one ahaha... i barely remember the actual experience but with this one they inserted a needle into my arm and within seconds i was out - didn’t even have time to process them asking me to open my mouth for them ahaha. i don’t recall there being any pain from the actual injection, and i don’t actually remember waking up in the office, my memory picks up at my mother helping me into the car. i do remember my last thoughts before going under being a panic about not waking up after, but i didn’t really have time to talk to any of the surgeons or anesthesiologists about it. it was pretty much just “give us your arm” and bam. out like a light.

 --

top surgery: this was in 2015 and its the freshest memory i have. it took forever to actually get taken back to the operating room but beforehand. i had a parent with me and my phone to talk with friends tho so i mostly just tried to keep myself occupied? like i said - distraction is my Go To with panic-y thoughts that aren’t very productive. my surgeon came to chat with me a bit about the procedure. the anesthesiologist and his assistant also came to talk with me about it. for this one there was an IV inserted into the back of my left hand for them to use during the operation.

i don’t really recall being nervous until they actually like. hooked the IV up to the anesthesia and that was only because for whatever reason it felt like my forearm was in a vice grip and also on fire. : |;;; i was advised that was normal!! they also had me count down.

when i woke up i was in a post-op holding area with a nurse keeping watch on me (i don’t recall anyone else being in there) - was given some water to drink, then wheeled into a room to wait for a bit longer before being released to go home.

--

anyways- you should have a chance to speak with your dr (and possibly the anesthesiologist) before the surgery where you can talk with them about feeling nervous. there was a whole big team in the room for my top surgery, my brain chose to interpret that as plenty of people to catch anything going wonky.

when my brain decides to zero in on thoughts that make me freak out i have to Intentionally force myself to think about other things - its much easier said than done. i don’t know if you’ll have someone with you at the hospital but you may want to plan some distractions for you while you wait for the actual operation. i think i was sitting in the pre-op room for 1-1.5hrs before i actually went in for surgery. most of that time i spent either talking with my dad or with friends on my phone.

if you have had top surgery or any major surgeries where you had anesthesia - how do you shake the anesthesia panic. i am partially convinced i am going to die instead of wake up without boobs because i’ve never had surgery

[gotstory]

My 20 year old Idol Husband - [Day 10 - Can you trust me?]

20 yr old Jungkook, at the top of his idol boyband career, has a secret only he & his bandmates know – An underground relationship, with you, a girl he met at a fanmeeting. Things get a little out of hand and you find out you’re pregnant.

Read: Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5 / Day 6 / Day 7 / Day 8 / Day 9 / Day 10

The smell of fresh coffee and warm bread perked you up the moment you went into Fan's kitchen. It was bright and airy, decorated with a mix of bright coloured flowers and pastel crockery.

She took her apron off and pushed a plate of breakfast in front of you, "My brother said you should eat. Is everything ok?" she asked with worry clouding her brows.

"Where's he though?" you looked around remembering he said he would be right back.

Fan only shrugged, "he's in his doctor's mode and being quiet."

Just as she said it, Jun appeared from the door with a small paper bag.

"Hey Jun, join us." You waved him over with a slight smile, trying to put aside the awkward moment you shared awhile ago. By the lead of his questions while examining you, he planted foreboding thoughts of uncertainty in your head.

"Oh, sure... " He sat beside you, placing the bag hidden away from the eyes of his sister.

You both ate in an awkward silence for some time until Fan could hold it no longer.

"So, what's wrong with Chae-rin? Is it a flu of some sort?" she asked.

Jun put down his utensils and shifted in his seat, "I can't quite determine it yet but..." He looked over to you, as if to ask for your permission to continue.

You put down your fork, "I don't think so. There aren't any of those symptoms... And... I feel fine now." You smiled at both of them, hoping it would assure them you were well. After all, it wasn't like they were obligated to nurse you back to health.

Jun waited quietly until you were done before he stood up from his seat.

"Chae-rin, I don't mean to be nosy but I think you might need this, just... to be safe."

He picked up the small paper bag and handed it to you rather shyly.

"The instructions are pretty simple but if you need help, let me know."

You were about to open the bag immediately, curious as to what it would be but he didn't let you. With outstretched arms he hurriedly clasped the brown paper bag shut, ushering you away. "Do it upstairs, go upstairs... In the room. Go on-"

Once you were behind closed doors, you carefully opened the bag only to see a pinkish box.

A pregnancy test kit?

You gasped.

No way, but...but....

You sat on the bed, staring at the little box. A million thoughts running through your mind.

What am I going to do if this thing tests positive? How am I going to face the world? And Jungkook? No, this can't be.

Your heart was pulsating so hard you could hear it in your ears. This wasn't what you were expecting from just that first encounter with Jungkook.

Yes - you did like him, very much indeed, but having a baby? That was just taking it way too far.

You slid the box back into the bag, feeling too overwhelmed to even take a second look at it.

Just -- just, tell me I'm dreaming.

------------------------------------------------------

Jungkook and the boys had landed back in Korea and they were going to get a one week break to head home to visit their families.

"Hey kookie," Jimin swung an arm around the younger boy, "I'm getting the train tickets tomorrow, should we leave in the morning?"

Jungkook had been toying with the idea of flying over to see you again but the long flight would really take a toll on him. "I'm not sure yet, hyung." he replied, "I'm kinda wondering if I should make a surprise visit to Chae-rin."

Jimin inhaled a sharp breath and put his hand over Jungkook's mouth, "if the manager hyung finds out, we'll be dead! We're supposed to head back home together!"

"I know... let me sleep over it and decide tomorrow."

Jimin eyed him suspiciously, "whatever it is, just -- don't do anything stupid."

When they arrived at the dorm, Jungkook just had a nagging feeling that you were hiding something from him. From the way you hung up after the call, it just didn't feel right. He too knew that you had your fair share of suitors and without letting others know that you were taken, he was feeling just that bit of insecurity.

When he was finally alone, he decided to text you. Message after message he typed, but hit the backspace until it frustrated him.

The distance and silence was driving his young heart crazy and his patience was wearing thin.

Ah, heck. I'm just gonna call.

---------------------------------------------------

"Chae-rin!" Fan called out from the kitchen to no response. She picked up your phone as it started to vibrate.

"Oh, it's Jungkook."

She made small quick steps up to the room, bursting in with an outstretched arm, waking you from your thoughts.

"Answer it, quick!" she said, as you put the phone to your ear.

You: H-he-hello?" Jk: Jagi-yah! You: Jungkook??

For the first time since yesterday, Fan saw you brighten up in delight. She gave you a nod and smile as she carefully shut the door behind her.

Jk: What took you so long to answer the call babe? Were you out partying without me? You: Yup I was, partying in the bedroom. Jk: Mwoh?! You: I'm kidding. Do I look like I would be doing that at my age?

Jungkook at that point was mentally kicking himself, not because he fell for your little tease but because it was getting to him that nothing was under his control.

Jk: Are you still at your friend's home? You: Yeah, I wasn't feeling too well so she had me stay over. Jk: What's wrong? Did something happen? Uh, Chae-rin ah, I should have known in when I saw you pale as a sheet. You: Hey, hey, go easy now. See, that's why I couldn't tell you? Jk: You know what, I'm coming over. You: No you're not. Don't be silly. I'm fine! Besides, there's a doctor here! I'm old enough to take care of myself. Jk: A doctor? Who. You: Oh, Fan's oppa is a doctor.

The conversation went silent for awhile.

Jk: (sighs) I just wish I was there. You: Hearing from you like this is good enough, Jungkook-ah. Don't feel bad? Jk: Anyway, how are you feeling, and what's wrong?

You went on to tell him about the slight discomfort you were having but omitted the parts about Jun handing you the kit.

You: I'm better now and will probably head home later tonight. Don't worry Jungkook, getting distracted is the last thing I want you to do.

You were almost pleading him, hoping that the amount of details you let out would somehow assure him that you weren't intentionally keeping things from him.

Jungkook tended to be a little obsessive and persistent in his ways, you found out, and the only way to get him to stop was basically to feed his curiosity to a point where he could wonder no more.

Jk: Sure? I'm gonna call your home tonight, to check on you.

He said it in a candid tone just to make you smile.

You: I'll be waiting then...

------------------------—----------------------

After a couple of movies and a simple dinner, you bid goodbye to Fan.

"I'll take the day off tomorrow to rest, I think I need it." you laughed and let out a sigh.

"You need a break babe, you've been working non-stop! Since the BTS concert!"

You shrugged, "what choice do I have? After those interviews were out, the boss wanted even more news and coverage. Saying how the artistes always seemed to let out exclusive stories when I was there."

"Wait till he hears your exclusive relationship" Fan wriggled her brows in a teasing manner at you.  "Alright get going, it's getting dark now!"

You made your way home to the empty house which you left the day before. Almost immediately, the phone rang.

You: Hello? JK: Ah, you're finally home. You: Jungkook? Isn't it midnight in Korea now? JK: Isn't it dark where you are now? You: I don't believe you! How'd you know I just got home? JK: Did you not see flowers at your door?

You briefly placed the phone on the table and opened the door again.

To your shock and surprise, there really WERE flowers - but not hung on the door, or laid on the floor. They were held in the hands of a man, whose face was shielded by it.

Under the dim light of the night, you faintly recognised his silhouette and the loosely flapping outer shirt.

"W-wha-what are you d-doing here, J-J-Jungkook?!"

You blinked continuously, wondering if the nausea was acting up as hallucination now. You were shocked beyond words as you could only stare wordlessly, with a dropped jaw.

"Wait a minute," you turned on your heels, leaving the door open as you rushed to the phone again and spoke into it.

You: Jungkook??

You held the phone, and simultaneously watched the figure at the door walk in, now revealing his face, with his phone to his ear as well.

JK: Jagi-yah, aren't you gonna let me in?

You let go of the phone in an instant as it fell to the floor, and ran into his open arms, wrapping your arms around his body and taking in that familiar scent you missed so dearly.

"OMO!" he stumbled a little at the force of your weight on him, "are you that happy to see me?" he whispered, gently hugging you back, relishing the long awaited moment with closed eyes.

You hit his chest lightly, "why didn't you tell me! I'd have come back earlier if I knew you were here..."

Gazing into his eyes, you realised he was just as how you left him, maybe a little thinner with more tired eyes, but still the same smiling sweetheart as you remembered him to be.

He held you close, examining your face with his eyes and a light caress.

"Why have you lost so much weight? Haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked, running his hands down the sides of your waist. "It hasn't even been 3 months and you're already missing me this much huh?" He teased.

You sat him down by the kitchen counter and started asking him a slew of questions while you got him a drink.

"When did you arrive? Weren't you just in Seoul when you called? Don't you need to head back soon? Does anyone else know you came?"

Jungkook laughed, pulling your wrist to have you closer to him.

"Have you lost your interviewing skills already? I don't think that's the way to ask questions."

You blushed, both at the proximity and at your foolishness.

"Well... I took the first available flight after I called you this morning and got here the moment I touched down. It's just Jiminie-hyung that knows I came, the rest assumes we've gone back to Busan for the break."

"Oh my..." you cupped his chin in your hands, noticing now that his dark circles were so deep. "You must be exhausted from all the travelling, Jungkook~ you really.... should take care of yourself..."

He pulled you onto his lap, holding tightly onto your waist. "That's your job... and that's why I'm here."

Your hand was almost going to take a swipe at his his arm when he lifted his arm to resist. Unintentionally, he pushed the little paper bag that sat at the table edge, onto the floor.

"Ah... just a minute." His arm was uselessly long at times like these, beating you to the bag as you held your breath while he reached for it.

You watched him pause mid-air while his body was bent over your legs.

He put the box back into the bag and set it on the table behind you. There was no doubt that he'd seen what it was though there was still a chance he didn't know what it was for.

You smiled, unsure. "Are you hungry? I can fix you some food, you must be tired."

Attempting to propel yourself off, you were surprised that he simply let you move off his lap and scoot back into the kitchen. You could feel his eyes on your back as you scurried back and forth the cupboards, your mind in a mess.

"How about ramen? Yea, I think I've got some..... hmm." You opened drawers and shut them, momentarily forgetting where they were.

He watched you, wordlessly, observing at a distance. It was obvious how you were flustered and he smiled, thinking how cute it was.

Of course, he was well aware what the box was and it hardly took him a minute to put two and two together. But since you were trying to feign ignorance, he played along to see just how long more you could keep up.

"They're on the right shelf." He pointed, calm as usual.

"Oh yeah!" You reached for it quickly, not sparing him a glance.

He watched you fumble with the packet and saw how the back of your neck was turning red from his steady gaze.

Walking over, he took the packet from your hands, pulled it open, and handed it back to you.

You bit your lip, holding the open packet. Debating internally if it was okay to begin addressing why you had a pregnancy test kit on your table.

He leaned his back against the edge of the counter and placed both his palms on them, looking at you.

The silence was harsher than questioning and it was almost deafening for you. He was quite a master at manipulating without words, with his tall but unassuming presence urging you on to spill what the matter was. He didn't even need to ask.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out of the blue.

"Whatever for?" he waited in question.

"You know..... ....." you gestured in the air to nothing much in particular, hoping he'd not make you spell it out.

"Nope." he pursed his lips together, stance remaining open and unchanged, showing you he was ready to hear you tell him anything.

"I... promised we'd keep no secrets. But..." fessing up was a lot harder than you imagined, it was taking a dig at your pride.

Finally he pushed himself off the counter and took a few strides and reached for the bag. You watched him approach you again, unable to read his expression since his lips were pursed. He took your hand in his, leaving the open ramen on the counter, and led you into your room.

You secretly wondered how he knew his way around your house when it was his first time here.

Sitting by the edge of your bed, he pat the spot beside motioning for you to take your seat.

Taking the box out of the bag, he looked at it carefully this time.

"I trust you, Chae-rin..."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him address you by name, it meant that he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

He continued, as he met your eyes, "....and always will. Can you not too?"

You felt a pang of guilt wash over you.

Holding the box out to you, he asked, ever so gently. "Were you going to use this... because, the doctor told you to?"

You held his gaze, and found yourself nodding like a child caught red-handed.

He shut his eyes, feeling a little dizzy. OMG, Jeon Jungkook.

[hellothisisourhouse]

Birth Story #2

Pic: my last week of being pregnant, Oscar at 1 day old, Oscar last week.

Getting ready to birth baby #2 should have been a piece of cake, but instead it came with a whole new set of worries and things to think about.  Being pregnant was much harder at the end - maybe being a couple years older, or maybe taking care of a toddler at the same time - the last few months dragged on like crazy.  I’ll especially never forget the bus rides when I was taking Lois to/from the nanny share before/after work - the looks I would get at 8 months pregnant lugging an almost 2 year old (and enough baggage for her day at nanny share and my day at work) around on the 7 line (a very busy bus).  At least I always got a seat, even if like 10 people had to move out of the way for me to get there!

Same warning as last time - this is a birth story, so if those things gross you out, don’t read this.  I haven’t written the rest yet, but I’m guessing there will be some yucky stuff and not just a little bit of drama.  If you love it, read on.  If not, look away!  There’s lots of other fun reads out on the internet :)

I try not to compare everything about this birth to the first one, but inevitably that’s what happens.  At the time when I was anticipating it, it was my only point of reference!  In any case, I would say my biggest question (like a dying-of-curiosity question) was - how will I know I am going into labor?  The first time my water broke to begin labor, but statistically that’s not the most common way to start.  Normally it’s with contractions and since my first birth was (weirdly) almost contraction-free at the beginning - I wasn’t sure I would understand the feeling of laboring at home, or know when exactly to go into the hospital.  Also, I had been totally mentally convinced that Lois would arrive late - and then she came 10 days early, which is also statistically not normal for first borns.  So when would this new baby decide to party?  To say I was on the lookout for signs is an understatement - I was pretty obsessed.

This time around I had had some braxton hicks contractions (I had none the first time), which felt like mild back cramps in the weeks preceding the big day.  They were infrequent and I really wasn’t sure that’s even what it was - it’s hard to separate all the different aches and pains.  At one antenatal appointment (I got a ton of extra appointments, since I was SUPER OLD aka 35 yrs old), we were talking to a nurse about when I should schedule an induction, should we go way over our due date, and she said “I don’t think you’ll make it to your due date” with a little knowing smile.  I have no idea how she knew, but when your full time job is monitoring super pregnant moms and relaying their monitoring results back to them, you probably get good at predicting these things.  She was right.

So my mom made it up to the Bay Area about a week before the due date (which was Sep 2).  We had a few days to bop around together, which I can’t really remember right now - although my instagram feed reminds me that we went to Ikea.  We were all excited to have her in the house, especially little Lolo. Unrelated to my mom being there, but also in the “lead up to the big day” category, a couple days in advance, I started to lose my mucus plug.  When I would go to the bathroom, stuff would come out - not anything huge, just like discharge, and once it was weird colors (sorry for the gross out factor, but this is supposed to be helpful for any other moms in my situation who are waiting around and just begging for a sign).  I googled imaged searched probably the worst thing I have ever had to search to verify what it was.

Ok, on to the big day - the day that I would finally find out how it was going to go down.  I would say it started around dinnertime.  My mom was making tortilla soup in the kitchen and I was playing with Lois on the floor.  When Brian came home from work he took her outside to play in the backyard, and I just fell asleep right on the floor where I had been playing.  I woke up when dinner was ready and felt so discombobulated - I had never done something like that before!  At dinner, my usually starving pregnant self stuck to one bowl of soup and just didn’t feel like more (normally I would be into seconds or thirds territory for sure).  In retrospect I know what these 2 out-of-character things mean, but of course I didn’t at the time.

After dinner we started Lois’ bedtime process and got her sweetly off to sleep.  At that point I had started to feel like a lot of cramping - mild, but it kept coming back every so often - not something I had experienced before.  I opened the notes app on my phone to record the times of the cramps around 7pm, but they were so far apart and random that I stopped and deleted the times.  I usually shower every other night, but I randomly decided I wanted one on my off night - maybe hoping to stop the achy feeling, or maybe I subconsciously knew it would be a while until my next one.

We all headed to bed for the night - I can’t remember if I mentioned the cramps to Brian or not - I was feeling superstitious or something, like I should keep this a secret.  By 10:30pm, I thought ok I’ll start recording them again just in case.  As we lay there in bed, I took out my phone every time my back hurt and jotted down the minute - 10:34, 10:41, 10:54, 11:05, 11:13... Finally after an hour or so, I showed Brian - do you think this is anything?  I was confused because it was so gentle - in the movies I’d be hanging on to doorways and deep breathing at this point.  Brian is always more aware of things than I am, and he said - yes, let’s call the nurse line now.  It took a couple calls and call backs, and I told them about the (maybe?) contractions, the mucus plug, and at one point I said I think my water is leaking (even though I’m still not sure if it did or I just peed a little).  I finally got on the phone with the actual midwife that I would end up delivering with - she asked me some key facts about Lois’ birth (how it was pretty fast) and where we lived (not that close) and she told us to come on in.  I’m glad we listened.

Our bags were already packed - we grabbed a few last minute items, and tiptoed downstairs where my mom was in the guest room.  I have a gap in my contraction notes from 12:22-12:48, so that must be when we were getting out the door.  It was sort of fun to wake her up and be like “We out! Thanks for taking care of Lois” and whisk out into the dark night.  Contractions picked up on the way in the car - by the time we got to the hospital they were a mere 2 mins apart and feeling MUCH stronger.  The last contraction I wrote down as we pulled into the parking lot was 1:01.  I remember walking from the car to the building and stopping at a concrete pillar to hold on to it while a contraction passed.

They took us into triage and had me pee into a cup for some reason.  I can’t remember a lot from triage (vs last time when it was like the most chilled out relaxing hour of watching little cute mini contractions on the monitor).  I was pretty cranky already as each contraction was intense.  I’ll have to ask Brian what exactly happened in there - but the next thing I remember they were wheeling me on a gurney into the birthing room.  In my mind, they were asking me as we wheeled down the hallway - do I want an epidural?  And I basically panicked and yelled yes.  I knew that things were probably too far along, so that made the decision confusing, but I also did not want to feel any extra pain that I didn’t need to.

They got me to the room, which was bright and full of people (vs last time when the birthing room was all dark and empty and sleepy).  I sat on the side of the bed and the anesthesiologist came in to prep for the epidural.  I’m not sure how far along they got, but as I sat there, I suddenly felt a big gush and THEN my water really broke.  I was kind of in shock, and looked at Brian and mumbled “water, water” and he thought I was asking for water to drink.  It took me a bit to get the words out “my water broke!” and then it was all over the place.

I sat there a minute more and then yelled at everyone that I needed to push - that was a specific bodily feeling I remembered clearly from last time.  They did a cervix check and said yep you need to push.  This part was a bit harder than last time - I think maybe baby was bigger and I just had less time to wrap my mind around what was happening.  I think I even lightly protested - like, I take it back, I don’t really want to push.  But the whole team said yes, it’s time.  So we pushed for a few mins, taking breaks in between - it was very uncomfortable and I can’t say I was the most cooperative person in the world.  I got a bad tear last time and that was probably in the back of my mind.  At least they had given me nitrous oxide that I could suck from a mask, which is still my favorite thing ever - just a good distraction and I need a good distraction when something this crazy is happening to me.  Brian was by my side the whole time, and (also unlike the movies) I remember thinking he was the only person in the room I wasn’t mad at.  Everyone else was annoying me with cervix checks and telling me to push, but he was just there for support, to see us through.

In the end, I was glad they made me do it because out came Oscar - they put his purple wiggly body on my chest and he cried a great cry.  He had a mop of black hair, so that was something different for us!  His birth time was 2:12am - meaning we had only been at the hospital (parking, intake, triage, and birth) for an hour and eleven minutes total.  That’s what I call efficient!  The good news is I did not tear nearly as bad this time - yay for second baby luck.

I had asked Brian in advance to make sure to take some pics, since I didn’t get any the first time - but between the hair net the anesthesiologist had put on me, the badly chosen purple bra, and the whole disheveled scene, these pics will never see the light of day.  Things quieted down a lot after that, most of the staff left, and we just enjoyed being with our sweet new baby boy.  All his tests looked good and we moved into the recovery room for a few days.

I don’t want to go into too many other details, because the birth story is technically done.  Oscar had a heart murmur - a “very loud” one according to the million doctors that UCSF had milling around.  They took an echocardiogram and asked us to come back in 2 months for follow up - but everything was fine and the hole causing the murmur closed itself up by then.  We had visits from the grandparents and big sister - she loved Oscar off the bat, but was a bit cautious.  Over the months she has grown to love him more and more and it’s so sweet to watch them together.  Good job, little Oscar boy - we can’t wait to see how you grow into yourself day by day.

[sidelpunchna-blog]

4 years dating not engaged

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and now he wants me to marry him. I am not ready .what should I do? We set a date by May but have changed it 3 times lol.  It would be heart-breaking, as I am not a robot, but I know that living by my values is ultimately what would bring me life.  In 2013 summer I said: 6 months to think — lets get married or lets break up.  Hey kiddo- So I take it that you are throwing in the towel on this relationship and moving on? They only go married because she wanted his health insurance, not because they felt marriage would be more of a commitment than they had already made.  If you value being with him above being engaged right now, you could have a conversation with him in which you ask point blank if he feels that he will be ready at some point to get engaged and if so ask for an approximate timeframe for when that might happen.  I say murmur because it appears that he has quietly removed himself from this relationship.

Break Up After 4 Years Together A rebound is a good distraction, but after a while he'll recognize it's hollowness.  He is an alcoholic and has been sober for 3 years.  I think it depends on the circumstances.  Hope this reaches you and let me know how you are doing! If so, then he is a total tool.  I think it would take a very sturdy woman— specifically a robot— to not to be upset about the lack of engagement.

I've been engaged for 3 years..how long is too long? / myLot I have decided once this is done if it is ever going to get there, I do not want to date ever again.  Thank you so much Jayspop and smorisch.  We were together for a year then break for 2-3 months and have been together for the past 7.  If a man makes a woman wait that long to marry her it could mean a variety of things.  Those vows are serious stuff and they should be taken seriously.  So you want to marry your boyfriend? I have learned everything from how to hug to why I should get a four year degree.  I thought I was going to get a ring, I was disappointed, tried to hide my feelings.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and now he wants me to marry him. I am not ready .what should I do? Because I might have just given women stuck in dead end relationships which will never lead to marriage the false hope that they too will be one of those success stories, and the motivation or excuse to hang in their for another couple of years or more.  Read this question as- are you strong enough to leave? My parents and his parents have been incredibly supportive of us and our pace.  Couples who have more conflict in a long courtship often deteriorate faster after marriage, and if you are already fighting or tense because of this issue, it might be best to address it now.  It's weird being away from the love of my life for 4 years that i thought i was giong to spend the rest of my life with.  My husband is a wonderful man but can't compare to this person.  Otherwise this dramatic state could last for months before he finally admits what I suspect or she just becomes too emotionally exhausted to continue.  It was a big issue in their relationship.

Why Won't My Boyfriend Marry Me? Here Are The Top 5 Reasons We truly love each other and vaguely talk of spending our lives together, however things have reached a point where they are comfortable for him and I do not see much of an effort on his part to take things to the next level.  If not, are you ready or willing to take a stand for what you want? I believe he fell out of love with you before he broke up.  Better for him to run away now than to waste 10 or more years of your life keeping you in a perpetual state of limbo.  Let him see your worth as a woman.  Just curious how long people were dating before he popped the question - and after getting engaged, how long did it take you to set a date? Im so afraid this wont happen for me though.  Relationships are built on trust, respect, and shared life goals and interests.  I think there are some big questions you have to ask yourself since your relationship is at a crossroads.

Why Won't My Boyfriend Marry Me? Here Are The Top 5 Reasons Still, sometimes I have my moments, because when your with that person for such a long time, they r more then just a boyfriend, they become your best friend, someone you trust.  I never pressured him wiht this subject.  Secondly, if a man is scared of you wanting to be married at some point during your lifetime and runs away, he did you a favor.  I haven't cried in about a month now.  You would have it after you asked for it.  If you love this man for all that he is and who you are with him, why in the hell would you risk losing that right now? After about 3 years he lied to be about a couple of small things. I have two young sons who adore him.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and now he wants me to marry him. I am not ready .what should I do? Sometimes the desire to get engaged drives women to think and do things that their more rational side would dismiss.  However your relationship is now, it will be the same in marriage, only amplified.  I recently broke up with my bf as well, and I came across this.  He just wants to be alone and find himself.  I have not regretted any of the challenges, the sacrifices, the lessons I have learned in the last four years.  She looks back at the situation with sadness, because she spent the bulk of her 20s with a guy that didn't end up in marriage like she wanted it too.  But I can see that perhaps not everybody feels that way, and to him it might be a different level of commitment.

How long were you dating before you got ENGAGED? and how long did it take to set a wedding date? I think that a fundamental characteristic of a good spouse is the simple desire to be married.  I am dating my biyfriends for almost 1.  She a little fish in a big lake , trying to be something she is not , she's a fake! I am in my late twenties and ready to settle down, but four months just seems like way too little to know this.  Try to be the person you are before you found him before he found you.  If I could go back I would have left when I found out.  There are legal protections that go along with the status as well as just social implications.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and now he wants me to marry him. I am not ready .what should I do? And then we started to do long distance.  I just heard about a young woman who ended a 10 year relationship with her college sweetheart.  Yes but he is almost 24 as well and we both agreed we are happy with a longer engagement such as two yrs or so.  How can he date someone after 2 months of breaking up when we were together for 4 years.  Well at least reading these, I dont feel so dumb.

NO RING..AFTER 4 YEARS OF DATING Have you been in a that ended well? Most say living together prior to getting engaged has , but this might not reflect changing cultural acceptance.  We are both 34 and he wants another baby! He said he juz wantd to be single and he was use to you.  At first glance, by revealing that this new girl in his life was just a friend, which was a masquerade of sorts to protect the innocent.  Well, if the risk of divorce is scaring him much more than the risk of losing you — or if his fear of commitment is bigger than the fear of losing you, it may be time to show him exactly what losing you would really feel like.  Our families get along so well and I never expected to find such an amazing, caring,and generous man! If you are prone to feel anxiety during ambiguous situations, it might just be that feeling getting the best of you.  Maybe back off a tad and dont mention it or bring it up for some time and see what happens.  You might even be filling your thoughts with anxiety and frustration about the future of your relationship.

[katherine-rambles]

lately i’ve been learning a lotta things that.... make me wonder if i have low-key add/adhd?

evidence in the “probably” pile:

i learned recently that becoming angry at interruptions can be a symptom of focus issues, and that many add/adhd folks HATE interruptions.

guess who has literally scheduled her entire life around avoiding interruptions, since as long as i can remember???

like No Joke i would do homework in the early afternoon so my parents wouldn’t bother me whenever to do chores (because to them homework was Above interruptions, but nothing else was???) and then after they went to sleep i would read/play videogames/art/etc. all of which, had i done during the day, they would have felt ABSOLUTELY FREE to interrupt me and then get mad when i got mad at them for interrupting me and didn’t immediately drop it because i’m a stubborn asshat

from research of the above, i’ve learned about (and immediately converted to) the school of thought that “attention deficit disorder” might be inaccurate, and “attention regulation disorder” might be a better way of phrasing it. see this link for more info

from that link: “But with people with ADD, who have impaired executive functioning, the inability to self-regulate appears as laziness or lack of willpower. It clearly is not.”

i’ve always had IMMENSE trouble self-regulating. without places to be, work structures and schedules to support me? i 100% fall apart. i’m still having trouble, as a 23 yr old adult, at setting up bedtime and wakeup routines!!!

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be easily distracted by things like trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others.”

i can’t often stand music or tv or whatever while i work. either i just Stop Doing What I’m Doing and pay attention to the music or tv show (and thus waste a couple hours on tv shows i don’t even like) or i turn it off. 

relatedly: i cannot go to bed with the tv or music on, despite it being a regular occurance for many of my friends. (guess who stays wired up on sleepovers while other ppl fall asleep to media.... :^) )

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be forgetful about daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)”

i circumvent this now by writing a bajillion lists all the time, but when i was younger... i almost failed sixth grade because i wouldn’t bring my homework to turn in. 

which is to say: i would take it home, i would DO all of the work, but i literally forgot to bring my homework to turn in, on a regular basis, for the better part of a year. 

my teachers were confused at my great grades but lack of homework, so they talked to my parents about it, and that got drilled the fuck outta me, but... yeah

also? i can’t sit anywhere but at the front of classes. if i am not at the front i cannot pay attention, due to all the shit that people get up to. i’d love to join u at the back of class my delinquent friends playing games on your phones, but i cannot or I Will Fail. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Have a hard time paying attention to details and a tendency to make careless mistakes. Their work might be messy and seem careless.”

there’s a job in libraries that i cannot do. it is called Shelfreading, and basically, the idea is that you read the collection numbers on the shelf (that bit on the end of the spine libraries use to keep things in order) and make sure that the books are, indeed, in order.

i begin falling asleep maybe four feet into shelfreading. i literally cannot do it when i am Any degree of tired in the first place, but even when i am at my Tippity Toppity Best i’m the absolute worst at that job. it is my least favorite part of libraries-- even including the time I had to be a part of moving a library, and i wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Fidget and squirm when seated.Get up frequently to walk or run around.

me. 

i can’t sit/stand still. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Always be "on the go"

when i’m not depressed, i ALWAYS need something to do. i have ‘patience’, but only if i’m doing something else in the meanwhile. 

for most of my childhood, i had drawing as a “something else”.

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Talk excessively

hhahhaaaahahhaha i’m so insecure about this but basically i can and often will babble on until you tell me to stop. case in point: look at how long this post is getting. i do that in speech, too

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Impatience

fufufuuuuuuuck it me. i literally cannot play some games because of how slowly the characters walk. i will never be able to replay the older pokemon games because of this. rip me

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Having a hard time waiting to talk or react

!!! i’ve channeled this into “interrupting folks to help them find words”!!!!!! 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Have a hard time waiting for their turn.

hhhhahmmmmm this might be a reason why i strongly prefer single-player sports. 

in tabletop, “waiting for my turn” doubles as “watch other people make fun things happen”. and any other time i need to wait i can usually do something else while i do so.

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Blurt out answers before someone finishes asking them a question.

yes. but it’s kinda rare, i wonder if this is one of those semi-gendered symptoms.

but also, did you mean, “raising my hand before the professor is done with their thought”? 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Start conversations at inappropriate times.

hhhhaaaa i’m sure becca can attest to my inability to wait five seconds before beginnning a conversation that’s awkward while the person who reminded me of something is still around. 

something that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

right now, i really don’t want to be spending money. and yet??? i have like ten purchases in the past three days or so around 10 bucks a piece. for random videogames, toys, books, a tiara, a hat i found at a storage store, a couple of things i thought would make great gifts for specific folks in the future.... why tf can i not wait until i get my goddamn paycheck at the end of the week????

something else that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

i am a Serial Procrastinator. the only way i get things done is by procrastinating on one thing by doing something else. very few of my tasks are both Proactive and Not A Part Of Putting Off Something Else. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Restlessness, Trouble Relaxing

i’ve said that i literally cannot relax. that is: actual relaxation occurs so rarely for me that i treat it more or less like a myth. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Trouble Starting a Task

hey, did you know that this (in addition to being super tired) was literally what kickstarted my depression? now ya know

welp

more generally, i am a ninety-per-center. which is to say: i got a’s in school, but it wasn’t because i studied and memorized every last detail. getting 100% on anything was extremely rare for me, even though you’d think i’d have a higher chance at it with my average so high. 

i hate straight-up memorizing. i’m terrible at it. if learning only happened like that, i would be a highschool dropout. 

what i AM good at is being a magpie of knowledge. learning is legitimately a hobby for me. 

so learning MORE for me is often about contextualizing something new in terms of what i already know. 

one of my other hobbies? READING FUCKING EVERYTHIGN as a child. i read so much that my average reading-words-per-minute is 700 (w/ 100% retention-- that’s an easy reading pace for me), but i can jack it up to 1k with 80% retention. theoretically, if i could keep that up, the internet tells me i could read the entire bible in 24 hours at that rate.

my good grades also gave me a positive feedback loop: having good grades meant that teachers didn’t care if you doodled during class, and doodling during class is apparently a huge coping mechanism for ADHD/ADD.

uh. 

so. 

in researching and writing all this out.... i’ve basically convinced myself that i probably have some degree of add/adhd, but i had really good coping mechanisms that developed early. 

when some of the things i’d relied upon began falling apart, i spiralled into Depression because executive functioning is hard

oh my god now i’m taking a test and.... SHIT IT ME http://totallyadd.com/adhd-quiz-start/

ESPECIALLY 

My home or workspace is cluttered, piles everywhere.  Things have to be out where I can see them, otherwise I worry that I’ll forget about them.

When I am alone I talk out loud to myself to stay on track.  I have sticky-notes everywhere.  I’ve bought things and then realized I already owned one.

You probably don’t bounce around like a hyperactive child, but perhaps you often feel restless.  Driven.  Like there’s a dynamo inside you. Maybe you’re impatient.  On the go.  Thoughts race, sometimes tumbling, ricocheting as you pour out one idea after another.

I walk faster than others and have to wait for them.  I like to be in action, on the move.

this only applies in crowds; in other situations i’m small and can’t keep up the same with folks. But in crowds if I’m not moving forward i want to tear my hair out

I find myself stirring things up. Teasing. 

auuugh i’ve been trying so hard to stop this one because it’s often really rude and invasive but I HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE STOPPING MYSELF

I’m drawn to one hobby or obsession after another. 

did you mean “project”? did you mean “life consuming goal projects that take ~80 hours during a month when i’m also in school full time and work part time??” 

I have more stamina and enthusiasm than anyone else if it’s something I find interesting.  I dive in whole hog, like a whirling dervish, with tons of energy.  But then suddenly crash. 

I always have lots to say, but I’m not so great at listening.  I can be an enthusiastic chatterbox who just can’t stop. If someone else tries to speak I get louder because I feel pressure to get it out. 

I am full of ideas – my mind jumps and races ahead.  I don’t sit quietly and consider, but immediately offer one idea or opinion after another. 

I may seem impatient or dominating, always adding my two cents, having to contribute my ideas… and I have lots of them. 

I’m instantly enthusiastic and interested in new challenges.  I say yes to everything, then end up overwhelmed with commitments.

HOLY FUCK

HOLY FUCKITY FUCK

I SCORED AN 18/18 ON A SCALE THAT’S MEANT TO BE 10/18 “YOU SHOULD MAYBE CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR”

you mean to say, i have been dealing with this all on my own, for TWENTY GODDAMNED YEARS, AND PEOPLE DIDN”T NOTICE OR CARE JUST BECAUSE I GOT A’S IN CLASS

i may be, more than a little pissed at this. hguhgugh

[workreveal-blog]

The internet isn't harming our mind of 'deep reading', it's cultivating it

New Post has been published on https://workreveal.biz/the-internet-isnt-harming-our-mind-of-deep-reading-its-cultivating-it/

The internet isn't harming our mind of 'deep reading', it's cultivating it

September, the first positivity officers of the United Arab Emirates’s Ministry for Happiness will start their schooling in pleasure technology, a software designed for them via the University of California, Berkeley, and Oxford University. The UAE established its Happiness Ministry in February. In July, the government of Madhya Pradesh nation in India accompanied suit. It will be controlled through the internet.

Internet mind

Typically, when governments set out to enhance their citizens’ subjective well-being, they present the idea as a good result in itself. That’s not to be sniffed at. However, there’s every other facet to this pursuit. Lots of evidence suggests that glad humans are not bested healthier in the end (and therefore much less luxurious to the state), But additionally higher employee bees.

A simple experiment demonstrates this. While volunteers are asked to carry out straightforward mathematical duties over in going back for modest in keeping with project payment, they do about 10% extra work if they have just watched a couple of minutes of a comedy display. If they look at a monotonous video Alternatively or don’t locate the show uplifting, the impact isn’t there.

Outside of the lab, software program programmers are better at fixing analytical problems when they’re happier. Putting plenty of people collectively, employees’ activity pleasure stages today may even are expecting a company’s price on Wall Street a yr down the road.

Past these slender measures of productiveness, there’s a suite of broader societal benefits – free items – that flow from keeping residents smiling. In Germany, for instance, the 7% of the population that offers blood doesn’t fit into any clean demographic generalisation. It isn’t disproportionately male, or lady hired or not – or more or less educated. However, Germans who document feeling commonly satisfied inside the previous month are much more likely to donate blood than folks who don’t.

As liberal governments parent all of this out and are looking for to encourage happiness and its spin-off effects, there may be at least one visible bump in the road: a countervailing fashion that isn’t making mass-happiness advent so easy. The power to raise citizens’ wellbeing is taking region as people are shifting their communications from in-person conferences to ever more online exchange.

Probably the largest have a look at of its type, meant to evaluate the results of social media use on everybody in Italy, makes for gloomy analysing. It without a doubt hyperlinks spending time on social networking websites with decrease levels of person happiness, and more especially, with a lower degree of well known consider in society.

Long before the Guardian released its marketing campaign in opposition to cyberbullying, even before Monika Lewinsky received a pummeling in the late Nineteen Nineties, there has been rightly reason to suspect that online communities might foster horrific vibes. Fifty years of research has underscored the conclusion that swapping written messages is an entirely ineffective manner to generate cooperation in war conditions. Face-to-face communique is inordinately higher.

This means, of the route, that the web international may additionally already be gambling nicer than it did some years ago, as social media structures have made it simpler for human beings to percentage video and audio cloth. Organisations which include Facebook have cottoned on to the concept that they want to broaden an entire host of soft skills to foster online Concord.

What’s regularly left out in discussions of social media malaise is that people, armed with the brand new happiness research, also can broaden tender abilities in their personal, to shield themselves from the subtly reduced impacts of online interplay. To that quit, right here are a few suggestions to hold your health pretty buoyant.

First, don’t fear approximately what number of on-line friends you have got. Whatever your persona type, age or profits, a have a look at of five,000 human beings (and their buddies) in Canada famous that doubling your range of actual global pals has an enormous impact on your happiness. Increasing your friends on social media has nearly none.

2d, avoid passively scrolling via your Fb feed. Doing so has been proven in experiments to make humans experience little and green with envy as they consume the rose-tinted edits of they buddies’ lives. Actively messaging and commenting on Fb is far less probable to offer you the blues.

Third, if you insist on scrolling thru your Facebook feed, train yourself to pay selective attention to updates from buddies with whom you’re near within the offline global. Their posts are Possibly as biased as everybody else’s, However reading them fosters a unique kind of envy of the nice, self-motivating variety. Through contrast, eating a glut of easy romance and individual adventure sports from distant associates is possible to conjure up a choice to drag others down.

Reading on the internet

Eventually, if you feel small, take pleasure in internet cats, the YouTube content material class with more views-per-video than some other. Research out of Indiana University unearths that the more human beings watch net cats, the more they reveal in the enjoy. (And in case you get definitely into it, you can constantly visit the internet cat film competition.)

Primarily based on their happiness measurements, the authors of that examine cross up to now as to suggest a function for Grumpy Cat and the permanently kitten-sized Lil Bub in puppy therapy, doubtlessly in the vicinity of the actual component.

Are young people losing the ability to study properly? I heartily want they have been because I would then have got a decent table nowadays on the British Library, which turns into overrun with undergraduates in the course of the University holidays. However what approximately younger human beings in trendy who are Facebooking and Tindering all day and can’t deal with whatever more than a soundbite? This alleged ADHD era, in addition to its elders who’ve been sucked into the internet lifestyle, may be chargeable for the human species losing its “deep-reading mind”. At the least, that is the concern expressed by using a group of writers and neuroscientists calling themselves the Sluggish analysing Movement.

In our lifestyle of an excitable neuroscientist, a variety of such arguments appoint the horny phrase “brain” and so sound goal scientifically. However, they’re truly socio-cultural reasons. Absolute confidence there are numerous forms of mission-particular neural developments (i.e., “brain” types) that have been misplaced in the mists of evolutionary time, and whose absence we haven’t any reason to regret. Not many human beings in advanced industrial societies nowadays, as an example, develop up developing the intellectual talents required to kill tasty massive mammals with a properly-hurled spear. But we do not study hand-wringing tales approximately how we have misplaced the antelope-searching mind. So there needs to be an also demonstration that the “deep-analyzing mind” is something worth valuing. And this is by no means going to be a (neuro)medical argument; it is a cultural argument.

As it takes place, I value deep reading – and so, possibly, do you. And so, quite naturally, do all of the youngish human beings I see regular on London shipping analysing seven hundred web page published books such as the game of Thrones collection, 50 Sunglasses of Grey or the brand new Donna Tartt. Stuart Jeffries has written persuasively about the popularity of such doorstops, in addition to sophisticated present day Television collection. This might be a subculture no longer of attention deficit But of “a wealth of care targeted extra comfortably at the matters that warrant it”.

Of path the internet may be distracting – you’re studying this, in spite of everything. It’s true that skimming is tempting, that being crushed with facts is in a few quarters worn perversely as a badge of pride; and that the request to explicit the “takeaway” (or, as a few say, the “to do”) of a prolonged piece of writing bespeaks a philistine facts-age instrumentalism, consistent with which the most effective viable characteristic of writing is to transmit bite-sized facts. And the brand new wave of velocity-reading apps which include Spritz might not assist, due to the fact it’s far well set up that the quicker you examine, the less you maintain approximately whatever the hell it was that just flashed by.

And but the mind in such doomy pronouncements that we’d all be slaves to skimming and thus be permitting our brains to atrophy sounds enormously condescending, simply As it did while expressed in Nicholas Carr’s ebook The Shallows. This type of paternalistic fatalism seems ably refuted via sales of younger Adult blockbusters, as well as by way of researchers who bother to discover what young human beings Clearly do.

Internet mind

In step with John Palfrey and U.S.A.Gasser’s Born Virtual, for instance, a teen’s “information-accumulating system” alternated skimming or “grazing” with a “deep dive” while she found something she may want to get her tooth into. And such nutritious, dense, lengthy pieces of writing are, of course, becoming ever more popular on the very same internet that pessimists blame for destroying our interest spans. Increasingly more on-line magazine startups are dedicated to in intensity reportage or cheerfully non-topical discussions of thoughts over many thousands of fantastically typeset words. Ideal, you might even say, for Gradual analysing.