#like i make these little chocolate things so i can get the seeds i'm supposed to be eating

[aforeffortenjolras]

really trying to find ways to take care of myself that are doable and enjoyable when possible. and i really feel like with meditation i've had a lot of progress in letting go of things and being able to not get bogged down by circumstances, and i'm having so many more good days and just feel so much lighter overall :)

[awlwren-writes]

9 12 and 18 for Helen and Maria both :P

Thank you for supporting my OCs. I really do appreciate it. Even if this is very long.

9.favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

Helen: Helen will try most things (almost as a dare) but has her general favorites that she sticks to on her own. She is very fond of Galahdan curries and steamed veggies, cakes and pies both savory and sweet. She dislikes mushy food. Her very favorite food, though, is bread. Warm bread with butter, toast with nut, chocolate or fruit spreads, a warm roll with seeds or dried fruit and she is in heaven. She doesn't have any food restrictions she knows of.

Maria: Maria likes sweets, either as fruit or baked goods, though she's bad at making them. She eats most everything cheerfully, though, and is a good cook with a good taste for flavor combinations, even the weird ones. She dislikes sour things but has grown to love very challengingly hot spicy foods. She is allergic to almonds and bananas, unfortunately, but sometimes risks it anyway.

12.how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

They've been around since I needed more rookies in Turn To to flesh out the glaives who had joined with Nyx, Libertus, Pelna, and Luche and decided to be the change I wanted to see and add more women. So...fifteen months? They were supposed to be kind of filler but gained their own personalities and backstories over time. People ask questions and I fill it in and slowly they are become more fleshed out.

So, no, I haven't thought of their birthdays. Let's randomly give them birthdays now. Helen's is March 19, for a festival for Minerva in Rome. That said, Insomnia doesn't really care about birthdays, and celebrates anniversaries of promotions and achievements instead. Age is generally reckoned at the start of each two-month "season", which puts her probably in Bahamut's section of late winter starvation and the first stirrings of war in early spring in my calendar, which fittingly corresponds with another associated Roman festival. This was probably seen as a good sign for her life.

Maria's can be July 22, which is the feast of Mary Magdalene, who certainly has enough ideas about her circulating to suit our complicated Maria. It's also apparently rat-catcher's day in an errounous celebration of the Pied Piper of Hamlin, which she would find an amusing mistake. There's interesting Napoleonic Wars history, too. Let's go with that. It's in Ifrit's season, but she's not Insomnian so she celebrates her birthday. It's the birthday girl's choice of food and she says cake. ^_^

18.their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

This gets long, and a little dark so I'm putting it under a cut. They are soldiers at war, after all.

Helen: Depends on who it is! Lying to busybodies and formal enemies is always okay. Lying to your direct superiors is almost never okay! Stealing from your formal enemies is okay (enemy combatants, that is, not enemy civilians or prisoners), stealing from the government/your job is very frowned upon, stealing from those who depend on you is the worst kind of evil. Stealing ideas is just good sense. If you don't know who she's citing/quoting, that's your fault. (This is culturally Insomnian as well)

Killing your formal enemies is almost always okay (if you are in a one-on-one situation and can work something else out, that's impressive and the better route, though), killing anyone or anything else...she's seen enough death. Definitely the person who takes spiders outside rather than killing them if she can. That said, had she been alive during the events of the movie, she would have killed any traitor glaives in a storm of righteous anger and then, if she survived, would have to be given enough important tasks that she can't deny she's more useful alive and helping in the guilt and depression that followed.

Insomnia is a city who worships a war god. The rules of war are very codified as to who is a formal enemy, and Helen generally chooses the strictest of those rules and is a bit horrified when not everyone does as well.

Maria: Lying to anyone who doesn't have a specific social contract of trust with you (your partners, the coworkers on your shift, children in your care, etc) as long as you aren't under oath is permitted. This is the cultural attitude she comes from. That said, she doesn't do it often; the truth is usually more interesting, and people learn to distrust you too easily if you lie to them too quickly. And it's too much effort to keep track of, usually. (and honestly, she doesn't like to be cruel, just has a very strong but broad in-group that she's protective of) She's iffy about the gods and swearing oaths before them, but she's worked through the idea enough to know that people need to know your actual word is good in cases like oaths, so she respects oaths.

Stealing anything that's necessary for someone's life is basically killing that person - water access, craftsmen's tools, staples, etc. (stealing it from abundance is a different story, with similar limits to the lying above) Anything you're clever enough to take from enemies is yours. Stealing minor things from friends they would give you if you asked for is friendship bonding.

Killing of people is to be avoided if possible was her ideal growing up, and she still thinks it should be. But war, invasion, and scourge has stretched the definition of "possible" a little for her. Niffs are fair game, even certain Niff civilians if they won't stop stealing necessities or are on military vessels that are going down (magic isn't precise). [Refugees were enlightened enough to leave (and had the resources and luck to do so), so she's good about not transferring hatred home very nearly always.] Killing of animals should be intentional and clean. Ideally human killing should follow that principle as well, though she's been known to make things messy when she's very mad or exhausted.

Well, that was a lovely end. Sorry?

[brooklynislandgirl]

Name: Baz Barton

Age: 30

Do you like to cuddle?: with u? yea.

Can we make-out?: yea long as its you.

A night in or dinner out?: in

Whip cream or chocolate syrup?: chocolate

Chocolates and roses?: for you? neither ya like those hawaiian flowers i can't ever remember th'name of.

What makes you a good Valentine?: i uh...m'loyal? n'i might be late n'not perfect at th'whole romance thing bu' i try best I can.

Would you cook for me?: uh...i aint good at that but i can make y'somethin' from the microwave?

Would you let me cook for you?: yea. i think yer a little better at it than me.

Where would you take me on a date?: quiet field away from th'city where there ain' nobody but us for miles. picnic dinner.

Who’s paying?: me

What did you get me for Valentine’s Day?:

Better Together || -

When Baz came in from the garage he witnessed Beth and Jay and Wanda sitting around the kitchen table, laughing as they passed the magazine between them. From the corner of her eye, she spotted the shy smile that tugged at his mouth. She doesn't know if it's because his Mother is rarely so lighthearted and joyful, or because he is vaguely confused as to the source of their mirth but is just going along with it. The latter is more likely but she doesn't interrupt the flow of him getting a snack before he retreats back to the garage. She doesn't see him again for hours. She haunts the doorway and waits until he notices her, acknowledging that by murmuring a quiet "Hey, Apps." "Howzit?" Minutes spool out from the spindle of time. She ends up explaining in drips and drabs so he can catch as much of her words as possible; that they'd been laughing over a Valentine's Application, what that even meant, some of the stories his mother and Jay talked about. When he nudges her about her own she blushes and looks away. "Don' t'ink I'm really gonna talk about you, in romantic context, wi' ya mama." The face he makes is exactly why she said that, and she's glad they're on the same page, all things considered. And when he eventually asks what the quiz asked, she settles herself on the tailgate of his truck. His first few answers are slow, and they leave a resonant pang in her chest. For all they might be alike, there is an ocean of difference between them. Where she thrives on touch to help her navigate the world around her that sometimes doesn't even feel real, all of it's too much for him but especially when it comes to other people. He's used to his mother, to his father. There are few and far between that come close, though she supposes after three years, they're coming to a point that she doesn't make his nerves crawl. And that leads her into agreeing that a dinner in would be best for everyone involved. "Good t' know," her lips twitch. She wonders why that's the choice du jur, when she tends to prefer whipped cream. Her smile actually makes an appearance and it takes moments for her to reach up and hides it behind her hand. "Is called Lei-Flower…ah…plumeria. And dey are my favourite. Hard t' find on da mainland, a' least in most flower an' garden spots. Been t'inking about trekin' back home t' pick up some seeds an' tryin' t' grow my own heah. But I dunno if it would be environmentally conscious." Her heart hurts again when he explains about being a good Valentine. It's true that they tend to have the worst timing when it comes to making plans with one another. He's often late and she has to cancel due to an emergency shift or over-long hours. Neither one of them can say they haven't honestly misstepped when it comes to trying to romance the other, and that's okay. Not everything is a story, and people aren't actors in films. Things can't really be perfect. But he isn't wrong. He is loyal. And he's sweet. And she tries to be the same way, to the best of her ability.

"Baz? In alla time we know each oddah, like when you evah see me do any kine dat isn't pullin' plates from da microwave, or out of da oven? Is because I have a hundred places in my phone, an' a house keepah an' a cook. You nevah wan me try f' cook you a meal. Even wi' your powers? Might kill you." She's serious about that and hopes he takes it as the Gospel of Beth. "But dat date sound nice. Like nature, make it easier to hear you even jus' a lil bit." And before she can make any more commentary, he turns from his bench after opening one of the larger drawers. Clearly the quiz and her asking the questions have ruined what must have been a thoughtful surprise. She feels so bad for doing so, when he lays the flowers in her lap. "Lei flower," she murmurs. "One my favourite kine, too… Penang Peach cultivar…" And while she's tracing the tender petals, coating her fingers with their sweet scent, he slips the necklace around her throat. The opals are a nice touch and she wonders when he had the time to make it for her. She turns and carefully brushes some stray locks of hair from his face. "Mahalo, Nakia." She brushes his cheek with a soft kiss.

[nyxicnymph]

Hi bab! *hugsss* got a request here for a Douxie x Reader! :3 Douxie seems to be receiving mystery gifts and notes almost every day leading up to Valentine's Day where the notes seemingly lead to a certain someone with a certain surprise. (Basically secret admirer stuff that I keep imagining them being best friends and the reader planning this elaborate thing to ask him out CAUSE HE DESERVES BIG ROMANTIC GESTURES PLEASE XD)

Aww hi Prism! This'll be a fun one, I think!

Pairing: Hisirdoux Casperan x GN!reader Warnings: Secret admirer au, if that's a problem for you, please don't read. Rating: Teen and up, as usual. Summary: Valentine's day is soon, and you once again don't have one. But the boy at the cafe is cute and sweet, and he's your best friend already. Maybe if you do it right, you can finally ask Douxie out.

Tales of Douxie: Secret Admirer

You chucked the notepad across the room, frustrated that the stupid holiday was once again upon you. You hated going into town and seeing all the red and the pink and the hearts, and all those people clinging to each other. Secretly, though, you admitted you'd hate Valentine's day a lot less if you actually had someone of your own to fawn over.

However, as it stood, you didn't have anyone, so like some children's cartoon villain, you pettily hated the holiday like it was your nemesis.

Well, no. You didn't have anyone who reciprocated your feelings. You would fawn all over your best friend, Douxie, but he just. Didn't. Get. It.

So instead you flopped on your bed and grumbled into your pillow. You really wanted to tell him, but you weren't very good with your words, and while he was amazing at translating your messed up phrases and sentences for other people, you weren't sure if he'd be able to translate for himself.

You rolled over and stared at the ceiling, thoughts turning in your head. Douxie was fond of somewhat dramatic gestures, you knew that much, but you also wanted to be yourself.

Quiet.

A plan developed in your head as the night fell.

<Next day>

Douxie looked up from the register and smiled as you walked in. "Hello, mate! What brings you here so early?"

You sat down and shifted your hair out of your face. "Oh, just wanted to see how you were doing, especially with all the valentine's day orders coming in nonstop right now."

Douxie shrugged as you handed him your card. He swiped it and gave it back, kicking into gear to make your usual order. He spoke as he worked. "I'm not doing too bad, I've done this song and dance so many times, you know. It's just another day to me."

"I imagine," you said, chin resting in your hand.

Douxie handed you your drink, and you parted ways. You grinned as you left the building. You'd seen Archie in the back, so you now knew that no one was at Douxie's place.

Time for phase one.

<A week later>

You'd successfully left him gifts and notes all week. Each day, you'd stopped by the shop first thing, and check for whether or not Archie was around. On Wednesday, you hadn't seen him, so you'd asked about his whereabouts. Douxie then told you he'd gone off to Trollmarket, which put you at ease in one way, and made you nervous for Archie in a different way.

Valentine's Day was set for a Monday, so you left your first gift the Monday before. A bag of coffee beans, and a simple note that said "From your secret admirer!"

On Tuesday, you left him and empty notebook and a set of pencils and pens. "Don't you like writing songs? I though you might enjoy these," is what your note read.

Wednesday, you left a basket of things for Archie, but as to help conceal your identity a little better, you made it just a bunch of regular cat items, but with a blue and black magic theme. "For Archie," the note said.

Thursday, you left a box of dark chocolates. "They're sweet but have a bite. They remind me of my favorite parts of you."

Friday, you left him a pack of seeds. You actually intended them for Nari, but as even you, much less random Arcadian citizens, weren't even supposed to know about her, you didn't say anything. "For how my heart grows when I see you."

Saturday, you left him flowers. "Normally, men don't get flowers. I want to change that. I think you deserve them."

Sunday, you left him a map, and finally dropped some hints. "You know me a lot better than you think right now. I've been shy for a long time, but now I want to step forward and admit to you my feelings and who I am. Meet me here tomorrow?"

You weren't sure he would come, and if he did come, he'd probably be very cautious and suspicious. You hadn't realized how weird it would seem to do this until halfway through, but you wanted to commit to the bit.

You sat on a bench in the park, hands clenched tight in your lap. Good, bad, or middling, this was the day you came clean. You held your breath as you saw him drawing near, and your feet drummed on the ground beneath you.

"Ah, Y/n, I wasn't expecting to see you here! Are you also waiting for a secret admirer?"

You shook your head and stood up. "No, I- Well, actually-" You took a shaky breath. "It's me. I am, was, is? I'm your secret admirer. Hi."

Douxie looked like he had turned into a rebooting computer, trying to process the statement. Then he shut his mouth and shook his head.

"You know, that actually makes sense. But I never knew how much you-" He choked up, his face reddening. "Do you really, really, like me that much?"

You nodded, face warm. "Y-yeah. For a while now. I-"

Douxie caught you off guard when he wrapped you in his arms. "I thought I was alone. You're so captivating, Y/n."

"I'm captivating? You're a wizard! You fight evil at night! I just go to college!"

"And you're amazing at it. I-" He squeezed a bit. "I've probably love you for a long while, too."

The sun and clouds made for a picturesque backdrop to the new tale unfolding in Arcadia Oak's central park, one of discovery and love.

And Archie begging for salmon before he died of sugar overdose.

[indigobackfire]

From THIS character interview prompt by @creativestalkerrs if y'all wanna try it too ;)

1. Who or what challenges you?

Ind: Everything and everyone's a challenge to a Gryffindor. [Laughs] Rakepick was quite the challenge to me, both in regards to my magical capabilities and my morality. Barnaby's family is one damn challenge for our relationship. Friendship challenges my selfishness, therefore it challenges me.

Pho: I believe I am my biggest challenge to overcome, my own anger and fears. I don't see other people as challenges.

Asp: I think people see me as a challenge so my challenge is deconstructing people's idea of me. Does it make sense? Maybe I'm not good with good first impressions, I suppose.

Ach: Grief. It challenges me in the way it never ends, you'll probably miss the people you lose forever. And ignorant people often challenge my patience.

2. What makes you feel unsafe?

Ind: Not knowing. Ignorance is bliss, but I'm always shown enough to leave me uneasy but not enough that I understand. So I suppose it's more than knowing, it's understanding. It's a very Ravenclaw thing to say, isn't it? Makes me sound like my Ma.

Pho: People who don't listen and unpredictable people. [He reflects for a second and laughs] Sounds like my siblings. They're a danger to themselves and it makes me uneasy.

Asp: Being powerless.

Ach: My feelings. Is it a paradox? Maybe. But I mean in the way my feelings make me vulnerable, both for love and anger and whatever feelings exist in between and beyond.

3. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Ind: From previous experiences, I'd like to be a house cat. As person it's redundant, it'd still be me.

Pho: I've always wanted to be a tree. I guess it's not a very thrilling life, but it's a long fulfilling experience. I'd be a Baobab!

Asp: As a very annoying crow.

Ach: I'd like to be reborn as someone less effed up. Or like a cool sea creature, like a kelpie or a shark.

4. Were you voted “most likely” for anything in your class yearbook? (I'll make this into a 'what would you be')

Ind: Most likely to go insane. Or to die young...

Pho: To be a Veela. [Chuckles] I don't know... most likely to travel the world. I hope.

Asp: Most likely to be arrested. Or or most likely to become Minister for Magic. Not hat I want to be that, I just think people would assume I would. It's either sink or swim with me.

Ach: Most likely to become a pro quidditch player. A bit boring but people don't know much about me beyond that.

5. Do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others?

Ind: Again with those words. Well, if you're talking about functionality, yes. I always trust Penny to help me with potions, but I don't turn to her when regarding creatures or duelling. As for the value of life, we're equally deserving.

Pho: Maybe. But it's such a difficult thing to measure... People who can keep themselves in control are quite reliable.

Asp: Yes, sure. We're all good at different things.

Ach: Certainly.

6. If you were to enter food-eating contest what would you want the food to be?

Ind: Sweet roasted nuts, especially cashews. It's making me salivate just thinking about it.

Pho: Flaky pastries. Though I'd probably lose, my stomach gets upset very easily, but I'd have fun.

Asp: Grapes. I could eat grapes all day long. All kinds of grape, with or without seeds, doesn't matter.

Ach: Chocolate.

7. What type of journalist would you be?

Ind: Sneaky and untrusting. I would be good, but I wouldn't be ethical [Smiles].

Pho: A good one. I think I'm a good writer. But then I'm a little too trusting... I'd be a better editor than journalist.

Asp: I've considered working for the Daily Prophet, but mostly cause I wish to kick Rita Skeeter out of there. That lying b-

Ach: If I liked talking to people more... Beyond that aspect, I certainly be great, I'm not one to shy away from conflict.

8. Have you ever rescued anyone or anything?

Ind: I've rescued a cat, my dear Mocha. Oh, and my stupid older brother, Jacob.

Pho: I often rescue my best friend from some pickles. I'm too nice, borderline naive, but he's worse and he lets people use him and his good will, so I often have to step in to keep his best interest. Ha, I'm sounding like my mom.

Asp: My cousin, Indigo, several times, she's a mess. And my fellow housemates. Are you even a Slytherin if you're not willing to lie for each other? Don't answer that. And my boyfriend, don't let that big head fool you, he's got a cherry pepper there instead of a brain.

Ach: Myself. In my heart I believe I rescued Indigo from... no, no, don't write that.

9. Do you blame someone or something for the way your life is turning out?

Ind: Jacob. Just kidding... kinda. Not everything is his fault, a lot of it is R- Forget it. I guess I have a curse in my blood and that isn't anybody else's fault.

Pho: Our ends are self made.

Asp: I'm always angry at the world and almost everyone in it, but my life is mine.

Ach: Yes. With names and surnames.

10. What wild animal deserves our protection?

Ind: They don't have to deserve it being protected. Especially considering we would probably be protecting them from ourselves, amongst themselves they're in harmony and when the harmony on its own breaks so far, a new ecosystem has been created. Sorry, for the rambling, my boyfriend's a magizoologist.

Pho: Deserve is a weird word... I guess I'm biased towards birds, if I had to choose, they're important pollinators.

Asp: [Shrugs] Mosquitos certainly don't. And those freaky acromantulas.

Ach: All of them. Animals lack consciousness like humans have, they're not cruel or just, they're on instinct, what would they do to deserve protection or not? Unless you're being disgustingly utilitarian.

[nova-is-a-writer-now]

•Lillies and daisies• Pt. 1

Prologue

Summary: Billy ends up stuck with a girl who stumbled into his place one night only to faint right after, when she wakes up she remembers nothing about herself or her life, now it’s up to billy to help her figure out what comes next.

A/N: After literally forever im back. I’m really excited about this story and maybe it’s starting to make some type of sense? I haven’t figured out the name thing yet butttt I’m sure I’m keeping the first person narrative. Let me know what you think

Warnings: Angst?, language, mentions of amnesia.

[[MORE]]

I was starting to wake up, and as soon as I took a deep breath, I knew something was missing. I didn't know what but it felt like a void.

I opened my eyes and saw white curtains hiding a bright sky.

Wait a second...  where am I?

This wasn't my room, in fact, I didn't remember what my room was like, but this wasn't it. 

Drowned on my thoughts, I slowly started realizing that my room wasn't the only thing I couldn't remember. My house, my family, my friends, myself, I couldn't even remember my name. I could barely notice that what I was wearing wasn't mine, merely because the t-shirt with "Pink Floyd" written on it was at least three sizes bigger.

It would be an understatement to say I was freaked out. I started breathing heavily and my eyes started getting watery, it felt like my head was soon going to implode from how fast my train of thought was going, it almost made me feel dizzy.

Before I could panic any longer, someone opened the door. A guy, with the bluest of eyes i’ve ever seen, probably due to my state. If I would have been in another situation, I probably would have... well, I don't know. I didn't remember what I would have done.

"So, sleeping beauty is awake. How was your nap, princess?" The guy said closing the door and coming closer to me.

Out of fear i hugged my legs to my chest sliding away from him "Who are you?" I asked, feeling how my voice cracked. Even my voice felt unfamiliar.

He seemed to have taken the hint and stayed right where he was standing. "Well, that's what I'm asking you". I could see the muscles of his arms tense while he crossed them.

"What do you mean? This is your house isn't it?" The amount of questions I had on my head were making me even more dizzy than before.

" Yeah, house you ran into without invitation last night,only to pass out right after." I was about to tell him I wasn't in a mood for jokes, but I could tell how serious he was, his eyes were darker than they had been seconds ago, and they seemed to be lightly tinted with concern.

"Sorry, I-I did what?"

"So you were that drunk huh?" I, for a second, thought he was as confused as me, but his face was so expressionless, I just couldn't tell.

"What? No... I mean I-I don't know"

"Right... Lets start with easier questions, princess. What's your name." I closed my eyes, I tried to remember as hard as I could but nothing came to my mind. "It's not that hard"

" I'm... i-i... I'm sorry, i can't remember." A single tear rolled down my cheek, while I pronounced those words.

" Shit" i heard him whisper "Do you remember where you live?" I shook my head silently " Do you remember anyone you know?" No, again.

" What's happening to me?" I said so low he almost couldn't hear it.

“Im no expert but i think you have amnesia, let me check your head.” he waited a couple seconds until he was sure i wouldn’t freak out if he came any closer, then he walked to the opposite side of the bed and sat behind me. His hands delicately started parting my hair and pressing softly. Nothing hurt until he got to the lower back of my head, as soon as his fingers touched that area i felt a pulsating pain so strong i had to hold my breath.

He quickly removed his hands apologizing for the pain. “It looks like you took a pretty rough hit here, i think there’s blood too but i’m not sure. I’m gonna bring you some ice, that might help with the pain.”

I heard his steps behind me and soon enough i saw him walk out of the room leaving the door open. When i looked behind me i noticed the pillow had some specs blood on it as well, not enough to get worried but it was still there. Not long after he was back with a pack of ice wrapped around a towel, he handed it to me and i carefully placed it on the wounded area.

I exhaled heavily trying to put all the pieces together. The fact that I didn't know where I was, who this guy was, who I was, and most importantly, where I came from. I believe neither of us knew what to say on a situation like this so we just stayed silent for a couple minutes.

He was the one to break the silence "Look, I gotta go out for a couple hours. You can spend the night here if you want, I don't mind." He started to pick up some stuff from the night table. As almost every other piece of furniture on the room, it was a medium light brown with an old looking vibe.

"Thank you so much, but I don't think it's reasonable to stay in a strangers house." I looked down and started playing with my fingers. For some reason the way he looked at me made me feel really nervous and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make a coherent sentence with his eyes looking into mine. "I'll get out of here as soon as I can, don't worry."

He stood there for a couple seconds just analyzing me, and then said:

"I'm Billy, I love music and I work at the record store. Lucky for you we are not strangers anymore." He winked at me and then walked out of the room.

I sat there with a racing heart and a racing mind, feeling all types of ways and absolutely nothing at the same time. Nothing made sense, i was confused and scared, and i didn’t know how i was gonna get myself out of this one.

I heard what I thought was the front door closing and I decided to stand up and go look for a bathroom. That didn't take me long because it happened to be inside his room following a walk-in closet, where I found some clothes that I supposed were mine, and if they weren't I was going to wear them anyways.

I walked in, and as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt shame tinting my cheeks a light pink. My makeup was completely fucked, I had worryingly big under eye bags, and my lips where pail and swollen for some reason.

-------------------------------------------------------

While washing my hair I noticed something interesting. The smell of the shampoo almost made me feel like normal again, it felt like something i’d felt before. I thought it was so ironic I found this stranger's hygiene product more personal and close to me than my own face. I didn't think anything else of it.

Half an hour later, i was putting on a coat that seemed somewhat my size. Billy must have had a girlfriend I didn't know about, a roommate or a sister, I don't know, but I was sure that coat wasn't his. I felt bad taking it without permission, but in my defense it was fall, which I figured because of the browny-orange trees outside of curly guy's window, and that meant it was gonna be windy and cold.

Before getting out of there I looked around. Something made me feel warm about his house, it looked rustic, everything was brown or warm toned, which matched perfectly with the season outside. I wondered if that was intentional.

On my way out I closed the door and spent a solid minute trying to decide if I should go right or left. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, I would have been lost either way, but a small dandelion seed flew right in from of my face, dancing with the wind going east, making the choice for me.

Just when I couldn't see the apartment behind me anymore, I realized how screwed i was, why did i think it was a good idea to walk out of the apartment in the first place? God, i didn't even knew which city I was in. I was starving and had no money to buy anything, or so I thought until I slipped my hand inside the coat to get it a little bit warmer, and I felt a handful of bills there. Lucky for me it was a ten dollar bill and two dollar bills, it wasn’t much but it could save me from starvation.

I started looking around for a place to eat from where I was standing and not far I saw something that seemed like a coffee shop. Without a second thought i walked in that direction feeling my stomach growl every time louder.

The smell of warm bread and coffee that smacked my face as I opened the door was glorious. I closed my eyes and smiled before walking to one of the empty tables and sitting on one of the dark wood tables closer to the window.

I was so distracted looking at the place, I didn't even noticed when one of the girls that worked there walked to my table and started talking to me. "Good morning and welcome to Harvey's, can I help you with your order?" She was looking at me with a bright smile on her face.

"I... umm..." what do people ordered on this type of places? My cheeks started to blush once again. "I want whatever the hell smells so good. What is it?"

" Oh, is a combination of our fresh bread and season special Hot cinnamon chocolate, should I bring you that?" The girl said on a sweet whisper, that made her British accent a little bit more obvious. British accent... did that mean i was in England? But then again Billy didn’t have an accent, which made me even more confused.

"Please" I smiled back, letting myself pick a little on the contagious happiness she expelled

I ran out of things to analyze moments later, so my mind went back to to everything that was wrong with me and my life.

It felt so terrible to be alone, and in the most literal possible way, I was. And then I started thinking if it was all my fault. Was I so bad that all the people and memories decided to run away from me? It sounded so dumb but in that vulnerable moment that’s what it felt like.

It was almost as if there was a void inside me and every thought was making it bigger and wider, which made me feel like if I was standing at the edge, like if at any moment I was gonna fall.

Tears slowly started to run down my cheeks, i almost didn’t notice them until one dropped to my hand placed on top of the table.

"Oh love" I heard the waitress next to me, gently rubbing my shoulder and then sitting in front of me. "Are you ok? Here, take a sip of your chocolate" I did as she told me, and took the napkin she had brought to wipe my eyes dry.

"I'm ok, just a little overwhelmed... that's all"

"Do you want to talk about it? The place doesn’t get busy until 10:30 so i’ve got a couple minutes free."

I really wanted to, so bad, and I couldn’t find a reason not to, why would I care when she was a stranger, just like everybody else? So, I told her everything, from the moment that I opened my eyes a couple hours before, until I walked into that place. And she listened, with that a sad look on her eyes that made them look a little more green “I’m so sorry, you must feel terrible. I wish I could help more, but all I can do right now is help you call Billy ."

“Do you know him?” I asked confused as i wiped my tears once again.

" Of course i know him, he’s pretty well known around here, specially by the girls. Such a pain in the ass but he’s a good guy. You got lucky there, you could’ve picked a creep’s house to break into and that would’ve been an issue.” she chuckled a little in hopes of lifting up the mood a bit.

" I... don't think calling him is such a good idea. Look, he has been very kind to help me and let me stay at his place last night, but for what I hear, he must have other people to welcome there, and I don't want to bother anyone. I’ll crash there tonight and i’ll figure something out tomorrow” i wanted to believe that so bad, maybe if i kept repeating it to myself it would come true

"I’m sorry, did you say he offered his place for tonight?" she said changing the sad expression on her face for an annoyed one. I nodded a little confused. “He did take you to the hospital, didn’t he?”

“No, he seemed really hurried to get out this morning, besides i’m fine, my head is hurting a lot less now.” that didn’t seem to relief her a single bit but before she got to say anything else, her eyes looked right behind me with surprise and I could only imagine who it was.

My heart dropped and unconsciously, I stopped breathing as soon as I heard his voice.

"Speaking of the devil” she said looking right at him, i still didn’t turn around, for some reason i felt he would be angry at me for leaving his place.

"I see you already met my guest, Mikie” he said in a relaxed tone. "I told you to stay at the apartment, you could’ve gotten lost." that was now directed to me, so i turned around to look at him.

Before i could reply, Mikie stood up from her place and said “She was starving dumbass, god knows how long it has been since she last ate something and you didn’t even think of offering her anything?” he didn’t reply, i guess he was as shocked by the situation as i was and the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. “I need a word with you out side” that last part wasn’t a question, Mikie walked through the door and when Billy didn’t move, she yelled “Now Hargrove!”

[bigbrotherlouis]

can you talk a little about tea with jam? i want to use it in a fic i'm writing but i don't really have all the nuance! what does it taste like, does it feel different in the mouth, do you have to stir for a long time to get it to break down? thank you! (also i suppose i could just make tea with jam and try it for myself but i suspect there is also like a nostalgia and ritual component to it)

yes of course!! it’s a pretty personalized thing, like different people would have different preferences. you usually drink it in black tea with no milk and very strong, so a spoonful of raspberry/cherry/strawberry jam is very nice and sweet. i also like orange marmalade but that’s less traditional. it would be a jam that’s  less processed than, say, smuckers because jam is just less processed in general. some people make it specifically for tea, but storebought is fine too.

for me, because it’s sweeter and i did it a lot as a kid, it’s like a comfort drink, in the same genre of hot chocolate but less special. i like raspberry jam best, and i do like it with seeds bc i don’t drink the dregs anyway, but some people opt for seedless. you stir until it’s dissolved, or until you get impatient, and it makes the last few sips thicker. it’s usually a strong tea, again, so it’s bitter and sweet with hints of fruit coming through and it’s just very yummy. comforting, for sure, and i drink a cup of tea after dinner pretty much every day in the winter. jam in tea is good with dessert.

as for ritual, you’d boil the water in a kettle, either on the stove or an electric, or in a samovar if you’re very traditional. never ever ever a microwave. i’m impatient so i’d use teabags, but looseleaf would be more popular. if you’re planning on drinking a lot, you could make a teapot and add more hot water as it gets too strong. (this is also what we do when making a lot of tea for people at our house! we make a very concentrated brew in a teapot and then top it off with water to everyone’s preference because you go through less tea that way and it doesn’t take as long). you’d add jam to the cup, not to the pot.

if you like tea, i’d recommend trying it! thanks for letting me talk about this!! i hope it helps!!

[thurisazsalail]

And sometimes specific repeat cravings can signal you to a problem.

So, I had a lot of hallucinations that are not typical of the schizophrenic kind at all. I also frequently, like daily, had dissociative episodes where things were totally unreal. Exhausted alll the time. Of course I was? I worked a lot, and didn't have money for nutrition? But since I was a *little* kid, I also couldn't like, run a block without feeling like my chest was caving. I would black out on quarter-mile runs at school. No one took this seriously. The stethoscope "checks" at doctor's offices were always fine.

Yeah, WEIRDLY, I stopped having so many problems when I started drinking a specific energy drink. Not *any* energy drink, since most made me sick, but a particular one. After a month of one a day, I stopped getting winded from very basic things. After a few months, I realised that it had been awhile since I'd hallucinated anything.

.... well, all this sugar can't be good for me! I'd figured out that anything, even gum, with "fake sugar" like aspartame or splenda was a MASSIVE migraine trigger. And the caffeine. People kept getting on my ass about the caffiene. So I stopped.

The hallucinations came RIGHT BACK. The pain in my skin. Being exhausted (oh, that's withdrawal, honey, you're supposed to have that!)

LOL NOPE. I have a fucking heart condition. POTS. I literally need caffeine to make my heart beat enough when I'm moving around. Sitting still in a doctor's office, I was fine! Get up and vaccuum? Dangerous.

I have EDS + fibro. The drinks had a tonne of B-12, sipped slowly all day. The pain is from my body just *dumping* B complex, causing nerve damage and... hallucinations. HA MOTHERFUCKERS I TOLD YOU ALL! Guess what gets misdiagnosed as schizophrenia a LOT?! Yeah.

Also, I crave a specific black seaweed called hijiki that is stewed, seasoned, and covered with sesame seeds. Almost daily. It's expensive to get it twice a week, about $15. BUT my docs can't believe the EDS is so bad when they see me now vs. a few years ago. When I show them photos of how bruised I was, and some of my PTSD issues with docs dismissing me pre-EDS diagnosis because they thought my spouse was beating me, they just can't believe it. But sesame seeds are copper-rich. Hijiki has a lot of vitamin K, iodine, and other nutrients. I don't bruise to the touch anymore. I don't bruise from *my own clothes* as often.

My friend will plow through sugar. He actually hates sweet food. He isn't hungry, but will eat an entire bag of chocolate almond bars. What's in those? Almonds are good fats, metallics, lots of nerve nutrients. Chocolate is antioxidants and sugar. A LOT of sugar. ... sugar helps become dopamine.

Fucker has a LOT of ADD symptoms. A dopamine instability disorder.

I asked about that. Guess who was Dx'ed with ADD as a kid? And who got scared away from meds because of really irresponsible doctors during the 90s, when he was a child? Those meds are radically different 1) in adult bodies, and 2) not allowed in the same doses now. Like, you can't get the high doses prescribed in the 90s now. Because those killed people. But NOW he's untreated and his life and body are fucked because he neeeeeds dopamine and will prob become diabetic trying to get it through candy.

If you are specifically craving a particular food and it's actually really specific, or really unusual, or really actually bad for you in the quantities you want...

Maybe look into that. You might need something.

How people can mistakenly think or just subconsciously feel food works: there are “unhealthy” foods like pizza or fried chicken and “healthy” foods like fruit salad or steamed vegetables. Every time you eat an “unhealthy” food you’ve harmed yourself in some way.

How food actually works: foods contain carbs, proteins, fats, sugars, vitamins, minerals, fiber and/or other nutrients. Your body needs and uses all of them but it would like to have a little of everything every day. If you ate pizza or fried chicken for lunch then that’s probably your fat and protein for the day with extra that your body will make use of in time, so it’s a good idea to make your next meal something different like that fruit salad or steamed veggies. You can have that fatty lunch every single day if you just maintain balance and stay active enough to actually use what you’re stocking up on because foods aren’t “good or bad;” they just either fit into the rest of your diet and lifestyle or they don’t.

[jdmainman123]

#Report we are awarding Las Vegas the perfect call we have officially yacht fish your boy here hi babies? Have been yeah they're very jealous of that? Mine in Las Vegas relationship after all this time?

Dead son I have reached dead son and they brought me here to insult me have all the white hair girls attack me with using a dead daughter word? But we found something very interesting? Somebody told these boys the Mia pow flags are put up in case they ever think of twice about getting on an airplane

And what's really making me sick is used men walking around is these men walking around claiming to be better than any airplane if you better than any other girl in another city? All walking around accepting the word accident? Everything is a f****** accident here? If my money's on what built this integration and anti-seeding computer speaker sound box? It's the word accident? There's nothing more than a threat to innocent little boys and girls walking by to make you think twice about what you're going to do and also label you a man as a failure

You know the dead daughter thing was a good idea but what happened was the little princess the brown skin girls and the black hair white skin girls as soon as they saw me they went back to their original statement I won

So we believe they brought me here to make me sick and watch me walk around for 20 days not being able to help? All calling everything an accident which triggers a violent incident if you do? Also renders and forfeits the man calling it an accident as I'm the accident I'm the mistake

And for them to have taken this word and forced it down all our throats we don't really know what the word accident means it could mean a chocolate cake it could be in a soda pop? BUT WE KNOW THE N****** AND CRACKERS ALL FELL HARD ON THIS WORD AND I THOUGHT THE INTENTIONS HERE WERE TO SURROUND ME WITH A BUNCH OF GIRLS CALLING ME A DEAD DAUGHTER? I GUESS THEY FOUND OUT WHERE THEY'RE GOING TO BE SENT CUZ THEY'RE SATELLITE MAKE HER FATHER DOESN'T LOVE THEM? TO A BLACK OPS SITE to never get their p**** sucked again and visit with the little black skin girl who's gay son

And we have to love the fact of yacht fish's name coming up and this part of the world every f****** retard here knew Jason meant gayson AND AND WE LOVE THE FACT THAT THAT CAME UP 15 YEARS I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT A SACRIFICE LITTLE BOY I just thought might be with God was 3/4 in nasa? And and then telling all the boys that God's a man forcing dick gay dick down their throat and a white skin man needing to hold the black skin man to get this through to all the little boys

But I think they brought me here when it fell through plan B was for all the men? I remember it worked greatly and they're training facility Utah I need you to show me a trick? All the boys were yelling you can't have your release and threaten us if we do crimes here it was a perfect measurement of how bad you can hurt the victims when you murder them if you had to stand trial in another city? But then they caught me put me on train and bus surrounded me by men screaming no actioning the word no and then that's when we looked up and said need his wife and daughter dead the perfect way to Target all the satellite operators at home that think it's okay to attack someone's brain forcing them to believe a word

And get this I'm not even supposed to be here these cities needed me like they need a daughter

And I'm not sorry the black girl fell in love with me and couldn't call me dead daughter to my face as I turned black skin my skills got more? I got better? I wasn't only a mega star a white skin p*** star I've eventually turned into the coolest black skin man that you guys will ever meet

So we believe the intentions and goals obviously these after Black Mass was called it was officially over? Or any act statement is he killed all the black boys and girls for one white hair girl and we love that statement we really do it puts into perspective how many statements we have against your lying ass satellite? Can we believe only a few of these cities wants to blind all the boys and say they don't have a daughter? And I'm going to give you guys 75% on the white skin boys and girls love their father this one really makes the black skin men mad it's why they threatened to take all the daughters away from the boys cuz 75% of the rest of the world satellite maker says I don't give a s*** about you or your sister you little white crackers? I have my baby here big tits big cock you guys will never succeed at being my success

So they suck me here to call everything an accident and what happened it worked better with the boys and girls? Remember the book about the jealous girl of a successful boy successful brother well it happened we got to see black hair whitesun's true colors when he goes outside and looks for gold sun to look on his face is worth a million dollars

So they all started calling me an accident? And I remember this dead white trash word if I only didn't find out to me and electric shock instead of a car crash

As a matter of fact we do have the antidote your daughter died in a violent bus crash on the way to the airport to leave her father

So they went to plan b instead of surrounding me with these loose f****** men that have already accepted cuz in this part of the world they know they're going to bleed out and be rendered their daughter? Call me an accident

It's equivalent to assault outside assault and battery of walking up to me and punching me in the face

But we're going to go ahead and award Las Vegas I'm sorry Las Vegas daddy here yacht fish here let's keep the airplane name out of this we don't want to upset any people listening? I couldn't let the dead daughter go they wouldn't give me a dead family to let this girl walk away from me knowing that her family and her stomach would be safe and these boys wanted to play hardball and I couldn't accept calling him a dead son? And considering the whole agenda is f****** up the game for her with something giving free to us as boys and girls as one cup of water

So I'm sorry baby I couldn't go with the dead son? All I asked was for you guys to change my satellite to dead family so we didn't have to go into black mass? But at this part of the tours for you guys to call Black Mass it is officially over and for all you whites again men to show up and for black hair white son to make his first appearance for every girl on the beach?

Yesterday I managed to capture black hair whites and doesn't have a daughter and he doesn't have a beach house anymore that little f*** face better take the orders of Utah and anybody from the beach better not be caught in Utah territory

Let me explain you to all you guys needed a misstatement to keep me out of snow I didn't know there was no homeless people in snow? 15 years is hanging out on the sidewalks of desert City in Los Angeles in Atlanta and All saints what is it new orleans? I didn't know he's not allowed back in the snow because there's no homeless people around here

The dead son and dad daughter keep pointing their finger to the side it's a misstatement that he's here homeless on our streets I didn't know there's no homeless people in snow

The misstatement should have been there's no homeless people in snow you can't go up there you f****** idiot and I would have understood

What these f****** men think of their untouchable all because of a girl and taking away girls from boys? Really leaves the sour taste in our mouth of how easy it was to have this girl untouchable flying in and only attack little boys from a very early age all the satellite has to do is lie to the boy once and that boy is dead

It's too easy to attack a little boy from birth his raising and teach him a wrong program? When your daughter couldn't give a s***

So I'm sorry Las Vegas I couldn't go through with the dead son all I asked for them to do was change my satellite to dead family so me and the boys and girls can walk around each other and no it's nothing personal I'm going home with my family they're going home with their family but then it happened the suicidal call came in and black mass Justice was declared and everything else went out the window I'm now entertaining a failed white skin satellite maker who showed up defending his failed f****** homosexual black hair white son? After 20 years this f****** a****** has the balls to show up on my field I don't care about your City on this field I don't want this piece of s*** to you anyways you're downtown isn't worthy of talking about a one open window in the house you need bigger buildings you need a real Court you need a real judge

So after the suicide of Paul came in Black Mass Justice I'm just out here entertaining a white son and a black son holding hands and we believe the call was all these white skin boys know they're going to be black skin and to see this depression it has to be the birthplace of coronavirus

We thought coronavirus was the man and girls on a plane flying around with jerk off ideology? We didn't know it was an entire city granted immunity and safety to never f****** leave? Holding yachtfish accountable for paying for everyone of these f****** food bills? And knowing they were going to be forced to turn black and lose their freedom to if I knew then what I know now

God damn disgrace that you guys did this all for one white hair boy that you guys did this all for one white hair girl and after black bass Justice was called it's boring fight it's a waste of my time to be lowering for this f****** dead son who gets his 30 minutes of fame 30 minutes of fresh air outside

F*** you

[aviewfromtheclouds25]

I've missed your Rebecca theories! Not that there's been anything to salivate over lately. Her sketchiness has died down a bit. I still think she's sketchy but that may be residual bias. But this rebooted Ross connection is suspicious. Did they really need her to be his unsuspecting drug dealer? I'm sure he can steal pills from other people who he didn't sleep with and possibly fathered a child with. Had no idea she even took painkillers.

I’m glad you sent me this, anon, because I have too many thoughts on all of this right now so was planning on making a post anyway haha!

I just want to note first though that I’m actually really enjoying everything with Ross and Rebecca these days - individually and together. I’d always liked them as a pairing (admittedly they were never on the scale of Ross and Donna, but they worked far better together than Dross ever did for me), but I’m genuinely loving this dynamic of these two lost souls supporting each other right now. It feels very natural and I feel invested in both storylines. I think Ross’s storyline has been really strong and moving, and Mike Parr’s been giving some really compelling and heart-wrenching performances. It’s nice to see him be given something proper to get his teeth into again.

And as for Rebecca - theories aside - I’m actually really enjoying / appreciating the direction they’re taking her character in nowadays. (I’m not saying I’m suddenly a Rebecca fan haha, but I’m appreciating her as a character nowadays.) Again I feel invested in her storyline and it’s actually really nice to see Emily get to do more, she’s having to highlight all these different sides to Rebecca’s personality right now and I think she’s doing a really good job. Because you know what they’ve done, anon? By actually taking Rebecca’s character in a direction, rather than just leaving her floating neither here nor there because they just never committed one way or the other, they’ve actually given the character some substance. And that’s why I’m now able to enjoy / appreciate her as a character. Because now she actually feels like one. To me at least. That substance, however, still doesn’t seem to extend to Seb and this brings me to the theories…

So this is where I currently stand on Theory Realm - I kept saying before that I’m not going there because personally I’m enjoying the narrative the way it is and have never wanted a twist for the sake of it. For me, a paternity twist and The Theory always went hand in hand as it was the decision to make Robert cheat in the first place (rather than the presence of the baby) which I found disappointing because I just didn’t feel like that was Robert at that stage (although a couple of days after The Incident, I wrote a mammoth post trying to get into the mindset of the storyliners/writers as they got into the mindset of Robert in order to make sense of why they felt like it was how Robert would handle the situation - yet another post which was never posted but I found it helpful at the time to understand the decision haha.). But I’ve also always maintained that the best way, for me, for The Theory to play out would have been as part of Robert’s breakdown and therefore by Christmas. So personally I’m quite happy for the narrative to continue the way it is now - saying that, I poured so much into the theories they’re always going to have a little piece of my heart and part of me can’t help but still want The Theory as @itwasjustmisplaced and I dedicated so much to it and of all the theories we discussed constantly, it’s the only one not to happen onscreen. So for the sake of myself and Taryn, and our sanity, it would still be quite nice and exciting haha! So that’s where my confliction on Theory Realm lies and why I’ve said I wasn’t going there, but it’s all still been going on in Theory Realm throughout and with each passing episode it feels like the show itself is literally trying to drag me back there… So, here we go, anon…

Rebecca’s relationship with Seb. I said her character feels like it has substance which it was lacking before - which is evident just in her interactions with other characters being far less about plot, but this doesn’t extend to Seb. Apart from her breaking down when she handed Seb over to Robert, we didn’t see any more of that time from her perspective - and we are actually seeing her perspective these days, so why not with Seb? Why not show her struggling without him, particularly as he was the one constant in her routine and structure which would surely be crucial and have a big impact on her symptoms? Instead we got Robert’s perspective and Aaron bonding with Seb, while Rebecca disappeared until she popped up in the pub (wearing that grey jumper) looking for a job (with Charity commenting on her lack of blinking, I hope you all picked up on that haha)… So is this because Seb is staying as a permanent fixture with Robert and Aaron, or because he’s going to be taken away from them and therefore it was necessary to build that bond as a family (which was always part of The Theory and one of the reasons the break-up parting didn’t make sense to me at the time.)..? (Or alternatively was it a simple matter of timing because look at Vanessa - she got suspended but we haven’t seen anything since of how she’s coping with being in a different role, how Paddy and Rhona are coping with the workload without her etc. Sometimes it is just down to screentime and other storylines taking precedence at that point.) Because what we are getting with Rebecca and Seb is Lachlan feeding her the line that Robert would still try to take Seb away from her. Are we due that custody battle that was prematurely speculated about after all..? And if so, will Joe Tate play a role as - sadly - he’s also been a poignant connecting factor in all of this…

The Ross connection. (They had already planted the painkillers seed by the way - when she left Seb on his own it’s because she’d run out of painkillers for her headaches so went to get some from the shop, but forgot when she was there and came home with only a magazine and some chocolate.) Now, on the surface, it kind of looks like they’ve just re-established the connection between Ross and Rebecca but actually their storylines have been connected throughout. Even as far back as January, when Robert was planning on taking Seb, Ross was there (with Moses) buying into the situation with his quips about Adam not being able to run forever… Also note, Ross has actually only been onscreen with Seb once - helping Robert with the pram and his stuff outside the café. That’s it. But actually, the biggest connection is that they’re both going through health storylines right now and these have been intricately linked from the start…

Ross hanging around making jibes shortly before the crash;

The day of Ross’s attack, Rebecca had a turn and fainted;

Which brings me to the first point of the Joe factor - obviously it was Joe who was supposed to be in Ross’s shoes, but instead it was he and Graham who found and helped Ross;

The day Robron reunited - alternatively known as that time Robert left the front door open for a whole night - Ross was alone at home, unable to open his front door and afraid when the pizza delivery guy came knocking, while two (I think) doors down we also had a shot of Robert closing the door, not wanting to open the front door on which Aaron was knocking - except eventually he did, and he left that door wide open (intentionally or not haha)… The door to Rebecca and Seb’s home…;

Point two of the Joe factor - Rebecca went and attacked Joe - who was the one supposed to be on the receiving end of the attack on Ross - and when he discovers the cctv footage of Graham with Simon (aka clues to Ross’s attack) we think this is the footage he’s about to show Graham but instead he plays Rebecca’s attack on himself;

Point three of the Joe factor - Joe had Rebecca arrested to get one over on Robert. Note, Rebecca was wearing her blouse from The Incident night for the first time in a long time and obviously there was quite a big focus on it at the police station… Now, Robert went after Joe for this, as predicted, so does that make the speculated custody battle seem more likely..? Personally I don’t think Joseph Tate is above manipulating an ill and vulnerable Rebecca (with the help of Lachlan’s whisperings of course) to try to take Seb away from Robert and maybe due to the legality side that’s how the paternity test finally comes about to prove Robert’s rights - imagine Joe’s delight if it turned out Seb wasn’t Robert’s son at all…

And then of course Rebecca and Ross finally started sharing scenes together again���

Rebecca and Charity defending Ross against those awful girls - two exes: one, the mother of his son who was revealed to be his as a “Who’s the daddy?” twist and who has proven to be Ross’s anchor and purpose to get him through all of this right now (there’s been such a heavy focus on his relationship with Moses and lines of dialogue like “Am I still your daddy?” which could be read into if you want to go there, but personally I don’t want to detract from the actual story they’re showing with Ross as I’ve found it all heartbreaking.); the other, the mother of a son who could have been his except the question of “Who’s the daddy?” never came…

Their bonding and hanging out together, so supportive of each other, but Ross alluding to something more happening and saying “It’s not like you’d remember it anyway.” Which on its own doesn’t seem like anything more than a Ross quip, but this was while Rebecca was wearing The Incident blouse…

Now, add all of this to the fact that Lachlan used the line the other night about “all of our secrets” - plural, not just the truth of how the crash happened… And remember Rebecca said, “The thing about secrets is you have to be comfortable keeping them.” Well Rebecca isn’t comfortable with that anymore, she no longer has that level of control over the information she reveals… And on that front, isn’t it cruelly ironic that we, the audience, are being treated to a trip down memory lane for Rebecca while she herself is struggling to remember anything? Not just with Ross, but with Debbie (responsible for Ross’s attack and discussing Joe - connections) and also bringing up Vic’s “obsession” with having a baby… If there was to be a twist, they’ve set it up perfectly to allow themselves to be a bit creative with it… Maybe we will get that Memento style flashback we all asked for after all. :P But if that were to happen, why not go a little further and give us an extra big twist? Maybe Rebecca’s initial injuries were sustained much earlier and the crash exacerbated them - perhaps that bonfire night when she was knocked out and Chrissie left her for dead was the start of it all, maybe this is why there has been inconsistencies with her character, maybe this is why she regularly told people different stories, maybe she never slept with Robert at all but like him she just assumed because she couldn’t remember..? And maybe this is why she keeps wearing that black and white coat again which she wore that bonfire night but hadn’t actually been around much last year… I mean, this is just a wild bit of theorising for fun, but with the situation they’ve put her into almost anything is possible haha.

So yeah, I still don’t know how I feel about the prospect of anything happening, anon. Literally all the signs are still there, it’s just how we choose to interpret them. And I’m just not sure at this stage because I’ve moved on with the narrative, but still there’s a niggle. Alas.

[trashangel-dee]

Prompt idea for a soulmate AU (I'm a sucker for those :P): You don't see color until you find your soulmate. You only see in black and white again if your soulmate dies or if there's a really bad break in the relationship.

Here it is! Sorry it took so long, I was somehow super inspired and super stuck at the same time. It is fairly ooc, but kind of wanted it to be for an au.

Hope it’s okay! :)

Dee grumbledto herself, sitting next to her brother in the restaurant. They were meetinghis boyfriend, and his friend. Dennis claimed they were “just friends”but the way he yammered on about the guy was much more than she had heard himtalk of others. The fact that he had agreed to pay for her meal and a newpurse, just so she would go and chat with the friend he didn’t want to leavebehind didn’t help- Dennis was offering money just so he could see the guy.

“Here theyare!” Dennis whispered excitedly, leaning in close. Dee groaned, ready to killDennis for getting her in this situation. She recognized Mac, having only methim once, but the karate noises and smell of Drakkar Noir would stick with her.It was his companion, her “dinner buddy” that was an issue- a shorter, scruffyman in a wrinkled t-shirt and oversized jacket trailed along. He’s out with abeautiful woman and decides it’s okay to dress like that? Shit, she hopes thisisn’t him actually trying.

“Like Isaid, Deandra,” Dennis began, “sleeveless shirts are so white trash, but witharms like that, Mac can pull it off.” She stared at him for a moment incredulously-is he not hearing himself?

The two menreach the table and sit, Mac across from Dennis and the grungy one across fromDee. “Hey, bro, this is Charlie, we’ve been friends since, like, forever.”Charlie gives a half hearted wave, and Dennis nods.

“So, you’reDennis’ sister” Charlie says to her, and she can’t tell if he’s asking ortelling. She’s debating whether to give a sarcastic response or “play nice” asDennis had begged in the car, when she lost her train of thought. He waslooking right at her, and his eyes, they were so different than anything shehad seen before.

Instead ofthe usual monochrome palette she had only known, there was a new brightness.Green.

—————–

Dee walkeddown the hall to Charlie’s apartment finding herself excited, a combination ofseeing him and hopefully discovering a new color. He had called, inviting herover for lunch, one he had cooked himself. Dee had been to his apartment oncebefore- briefly when picking him up to go out; she wasn’t thrilled aboutspending the day in the small, dirty room but found the pros far outweighed thecons.

He answeredthe door quickly, though there’s no reason he shouldn’t, Dee thought, with howsmall the apartment is.

“Oh, hey,hey, come on in” he smiled stepping aside. She entered, surveying the room,realizing that’s exactly what it was. A room. No kitchen, no dining area. Shewas about to ask just exactly how he ate in there, glancing over the coffeetable littered with magazines, empty bottles and various empty food wrappers.Of course, he hadn’t bothered to clean up before she came over, much like hehadn’t bothered to do to himself the first time they met.

Her eyes fellto a small card table, a little off the center of the room, a chair on eachside; with two place settings, and in the center stood a single flower in avase. She recognized the green stem immediately, but atop where it bloomed wasa new color. Yellow.

——————————————-

“This placeis supposed to be really popular. I hear they make really good drinks and havelots of colors, too,” Dee explained, as she and Charlie rounded a corner andsaw the giant SUDZ sign. Neither had experienced all the colors yet, but therewas always hope of discovering a new one, and finding all the different shadesof the ones they had already learned.

They hadboth discovered different ones than the other, and part of the fun was tryingto explain them and pointing out what things were the unknown colors.

The placewas loud and busy. They sat at an open spot at the counter, and a man behindthe bar held up a finger indicating he’d be there in a moment, they bothnodded. Dee reached for a flyer indicating drink specials, when Charlie pointedat a group sharing something from a fishbowl, “I know what we’re getting.”

“That?” Deeasked trying, and failing, to sound annoyed, “what’s so great about it?”

“It’s blue!Like your eyes. And I want you to like it as much as I do,” he enthused. Sheunderstood, remembering the first time she saw his green, it was such abeautiful color, her first color,instantly shifting her mood that day.

The manjogged up to them, “How you doing? My name is Greg-“ before Charlie cut himoff.

“We’ll takeone of those,” pointing again at the table.

“That’d be aBlue Hole. Our blended signature cocktail. A great choice. It’s what werecommend to our first-“ he started happily, before Dee cut in this time,enjoying interrupting the man. “That’s great! Go get it.”

He got thehint to quit with the small talk and returned a moment later with the drink,two straws sticking out. For a moment it looked like he was going to try beingfriendly again, but decided against it, and left. They leaned in, taking adrink at the same time; Dee feeling like one of those couples sippingmilkshakes on posters, but not so cheesy.

She satback, looking at the drink they had shared, and it seemed to spring to life.Blue.

———————-

Dee hadnever celebrated a real Valentine’s Day before. Sure, she’s been on dates andsent cards, but nothing really went anywhere. Sometimes it was just a plan toget laid, sometimes she’d see the guy again once or twice; it was more of aholiday for following what movies and TV suggested, she never had actually feltthe things the day had promised.

She hadknown Charlie for almost 6 months, and was looking forward to the holiday,going into it with real expectations; though years ago she would’ve thought areal Valentine’s should include jewelry, chocolates, and an expensiverestaurant, she now found the idea boring and impersonal.

They hadagreed to spend the day together, with no plans, just each other.  She jumped when she heard a pounding on thedoor, pulling it open to see Charlie smiling widely, hands behind his back. “Imade you something,”

He pulledout a slightly lopsided paper heart full of bright stickers, two cats touching nosesin the center, inside a red hand drawn heart. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ scribbledacross the top in messy handwriting. The paper wasn’t like the kind she was accustomedto, it was colored, too. Pink.

———————-

Dee sat atthe counter of the bar she had just bought with her brother, Mac, and Charlie.

It wasalmost nightfall in the warm summer, when Dee felt someone grab her hand. Looking up, she saw itwas Charlie, a lumpy bag under his arm. “Dee, come with me,” he whispered. Sherolled her eyes then glanced over at Mac and Dennis, who were in the middle ofdoing something… stupid. Deciding Charlie’s mystery was better than the othertwo, Dee followed him out the back door into the alley.

Charliereached for the roof ladder, pulling it down. She sighed, tired from the long day. “What the hell are we doing, Charlie?”

“Having ourown celebration.” he explained, then continued after catching the doubtful lookon her face. “It’s good. I promise.”He stepped back, motioning towards the ladder, “ladies first.”

Dee shook herhead. “Nope. I don’t know what’s up there.”

“Fine”Charlie started climbing, glancing back to make sure Dee was following. Shewas.

They reachedthe top, looking over the large flat surface for a moment, before Charliewalked to the center, dropping the bag; he opened it, pulling out a largeblanket and a couple bottles of wine. He sat down, patting the spot next tohim; Dee followed, sitting and looked around.

“Can youbelieve this is ours?” he asked after a moment. She leaned close, resting herhead on his shoulder. “No. I can’t.” she breathed.

They sat ina comfortable silence, staring at the darkening sky barely illuminated by the settingsun, filled with swirls of a new color. Purple.

———————————–

“We’re notkids, Charlie,” Dee explained. “Halloween is for costumes and getting drunk.Not carving faces on pumpkins.”

“Well yeah!But it’s also for candy and jack of lanterns,” Charlie fought back, patting thetwo giant pumpkins on Dee’s kitchen table.

“O, Charlie. It’s Jack o Lantern.”

Charlienarrowed his eyes for a moment, thinking. “Nah, Dee. I’m pretty sure it’s of,”he finished, grabbing a knife and stabbing at the top of a pumpkin.  Dee watched as he cut the top off thenreached inside, happily pulling out handfuls of seeds and goop.

“Well, I’m pretty sure the only reason youwanted to do this, was to touch all that gross shit.”

“We need decorations, Dee, if we’re really gonnacelebrate. Besides, it’s our first holiday at the bar. Gotta make it big.”

Deeresigned. She had never really enjoyed holidays as a kid; it was alwayssomething her parents had blown off, seeing celebrating for her and Dennis asan inconvenience. She watched Charlie concentrate on carving into the pumpkin,working in detail on his design, finding herself more focused on his excitementthan the actual tradition.

He looked upa few minutes later, spinning the pumpkin towards her with a look of pride, awell crafted glass of foamy beer carved in the center. The entire object lookedeven better when it took on a color. Orange.

——————–

“I’m reallyhappy Dennis dragged me to that stupid restaurant with him,” Dee said oneevening, as she and Charlie sat side by side. He tilted his head slightly, confused.

“I might nothave met you. Things might not’ve worked out, and we wouldn’t be here,” sheexplained. He nodded, “It is kind of cool.”

“I want thisto be forever” she confessed.

“Then, let’smake a blood oath!” Charlie exclaimed sitting up straighter, “That’s, like, thebest promise you can make someone. It can never really be broken.” He looked so serious and focused.

She lookedat him for a moment, considering, then nodded.

Charliepulled a pocket knife from his jeans, flipping it open. He held out hisopposite hand, placing the blade against his palm; Dee reached across the tablepulling one from her purse, and doing the same. They both took a deep breath,pressing down and pulling the tips across, looking up upon noticing that thistime there was a color to the warm liquid slowly pooling out. Red.

They bothsmiled, clasping hands together before leaning forward and touching lips, too.

 ———————–

 This was really fun to write. I tried to use a canon-ish moment for each one, but had to really stretch on some. I thought about doing the death/broken part, but just couldn’t bring myself to.

 If anybody else has prompts, headcanons, etc. send them to me. No promises they’ll be good, but I’ll try.