#like i know the joke is that it's supposed to be something absolutely unrelated to the actual functioning of running society

[acelessthan3]

I think it would be nice if my job at the leftist commune was handyman. Give me a shed with a variety of tools and then I just go around fixing things. And I could maybe teach some classes on how to do really common repairs or like a miscellaneous shop class so sometimes people can borrow the tools in my shed to fix their things if I'm busy working on other things.

[mystellenia]

ellie with a clumsy gf ୨ৎ

summary: how ellie cares for her clumsy girlfriend

content: nothing thats nsfw!! just ellie being a cutie concerned gf

notes: answer to this req!! SHES SO PUPU BABYGIRL IN THAT PIC I WANNA BITE HER JFWIBFJWKRJR. she's actually so beautiful i can't. entirely unrelated: idk how i feel about this... but i’m trying not to be like EW I HATE THIS FUCK THIS ITS SO BAD. like i dont even feel like that but we already know how i feel about this formatting. its growing on me tho

(wc 0.39k) so short i know guys i gotta dip my feet

constantly laughing but also concerned at how you manage to trip and bump and bruise yourself up on literal air

in apocalypse au, she's always been very aware of her surroundings bc of patrol and combat and stuff so she tries to keep you out of the way of things that she knows you'll bump into

always has an ice pack chilled and ready to go in the freezer in case you bump yourself real hard and it's sore because ice helps bumps not bruise right when you get them (looking at you guys clumsy ladies write that one down)

always warns you about things right as they're happening since you get into things SO FAST

like just as you're bumping into something or dropping an item she's blurting out, "wait! there's- a shirt on the floor"/"remember- that the washing machine door is open"/"baby, you're gonna drop that- just... like you did just now. you okay?"

always asks what you did to get a new bruise. she'll notice a new one and joke, "oh, what did you do this time?" and you'll respond, "i may have walked into the dishwasher while the door was down... but this one doesn't hurt that bad 😁" it's become like a little game

she's become sooo desensitized to any bump or bang sound in the house bc she knows its just you. not to say she doesn't care about you getting hurt--she immediately throws out a "you good?!" or "you need me?"--she just knows you know what to do: ice pack or heat compress. it's routine now.

read that low vitamin c levels make you bruise easily, so always has vitamin c rich snacks stocked up. oranges and strawberries and other fruits, always ready!

she's so stupid in love that she'll cut the fruits up into hearts or try nd make the most simple little animals with them from some mother of 3's tutorial on instagram reels and genuinely gets upset when she can't recreate them.

^ like you notice her absolutely maiming some apples and ask, "ummm why are you slicing and dicing that poor apple?" and she'll mumble, "it's supposed to be a stupid crab."

and for my ladies with darker skin where bruises aren't as visible or even just pale skin that just doesn't bruise easily, she's still just as concerned. and since there is no visible warning of a sore spot, she's hurriedly apologizing after pressing on a sore spot or laying on a tender patch.

@abbysbug @picklesarenice69

hello to my clitter critters. soooooooo erm sorry about going like basically inactive for like 2 weeks i got into the fight of a lifetime with my mother 😊 we still beefing 😊 dw tho when she's old and wrinkly i’ll have power of attorney and trust the cord WILL be plugged.

like i’m joking but as of now that bitch is an opp fr

but anywhoooo i’m back. and my dinosaur of a laptop had a health scare and i thought i was gonna have to plan a funeral for her but she went to the doctor (apple store) and she's all better. idk how it still works so well now bc my mom got this when obama was still president 😆 don't y'all worry tho this motherboard does nothing but purr we chillin (the fan turns on whenever there are too many graphics moving)

[wilted3sunflowers]

This is my Miku pokemon trainer tier list

For this tier list its both my favorites and what i consider a very good miku design

Of course all of them are good miku designs but some shine above the rest

S tier- my absolute favorites Bug miku is so classy, so well thought out, and i think the brown looks amazing with her teal. Shes everything A close tie with bug miku is Ice miku her hair is everything to me im in complete love with this sharp miku. Water Miku is basic but that's all she needs in lovely simplicity, truly feeling like Miku in this world as a water trainer especially with her tan lines from her original outfit it feels like this is her off time from being an idol! Steel Miku had my heart as soon as I saw her with Jirachi. Which was my favorite pokemon when I was a child [it was prior before i even had any pokemon games of my own and only watched the movies] The colors, the motif of star, the hat and the hair its all wonderful to me!

A tier- Amazingly done concepts and totally miku! Rock Miku's dress and veil is lovely, i love they incorporated the veil as mock pigtails. If this was the verison of her without the dress then she would have been in S tier. I love the jester look but thats my own personal preference. She also reminds me of diance with the dress.

Flying Miku is gorgeous, the wispy hair, the translucent areas to mimic clouds and mist. It's an amazing concept and wonderfully executed design! Fairy miku i know is everyones favorite and it's obvious to see why, shes adorable and cute and I too would love to draw her. She has that appeal to her down to a T. Fighting Miku is something i've been waiting for this whole time. Of course no way they could do a pokemon collab with miku and not include farfetch'd! It's a sleek and simple design that takes traits of the original miku's outfit and tweaks them. Though she does kind of remind me of maka from soul eater just a small bit.

B tier- Great concepts! Electric Miku's lightening pigtails are so cute she looks like a little adventure/farmer of currents. She stands on her own as a design and as a tie to miku. Poison type Miku i would have done the same doing mucky/slime twintails though i probably wouldn't have thought to use the new alolan muk which is a very good look and helps add in the colors. It's a great design and while i wouldve put her in A tier some of her design elements hold me off. This is a top tier character design though trust me Dark Miku, i love she came with obstagoon. Though at first i couldnt even tell if miku had pigtails in the artwork. This reminds me just of a nice miku for a cover of an existing song which is not bad it's just how it feels. Normal type miku has good colors, shes paired with an active singing pokemon and while it's simple I think it conveys miku well enough. Though she keeps reminding me of the oversaturated stereotype of early 90s fashion. now on Ghost miku, shes higher than i'd actually put her but for her concept and simplicity of staying to miku but as a glitched out ghost version of her i do have to give props to that even if i find it more on the plain side. I think they succeeded in what was necessary even though this portrays miku AS the ghost instead of just a ghost trainer. ....honestly now that i type my words i feel like i was right and shouldve stuck with her in C tier.

C tier- too basic for my tastes yet still well done Grass miku is cute and all but if you told me she was unrelated to miku, i could believe you. Just that it'd be a fandom joke to call her 'green miku'

Fire miku, reminds me all too much of the anniversary miku song and im sure thats where they got part of the insipration from it but it doesnt really do much for me combined with the fire aspect and how her hair is shaped. I know its to mimic the pokemon shes with its just personal taste on that one. The silhoutte is good.

Ground type miku i had to keep looking up because i forget what shes supposed to be numerous times. Same case with grass miku, i could see someone telling me shes from x thing and unrelated to miku. I'm just not a fan of the design and colors but it's well done. I know when something is just my subjective taste rather than poorly done.

Dragon miku while i'm not the biggest fan of all the cowlicks going down the twintails i know it's purpose is there to mimic the spiked tail of a traditional dragon and i wouldn't want them removed. I think i especially just don't like the tacked on half shawl cape it feels disjointed. Yet i find its a nice concept they did both an almost knight look for her as dragon as always with the concept of knights and dragons battling. Now the knight trainer is battling with the dragon as comrades.

Psychic type miku- i think they started with the least interesting and noteworthy one honestly. It just looks, kind of uninspired but thats rude to say. I know shes here to fufill the concept of miku as a trainer in pokemon and well it just looks like she's her own trainer class that'd have multiple running around looking the same instead of a stand out like a rival or a gym leader in game.

[dxckgrxsonx]

the brat tamer! thots are hitting me hard tonight. thinking about dick bringing you to a charity event and you testing his patience at every angle

sliding up to competitors, batting your eyes at waiters, sneaking off when you know he’s looking

until it boils down to him absolutely no longer giving a damn and siting you firm in his lap during the dinner. it’s more attention than you wanted causing you to squirm and he just puts his hand on your thigh to hold you in place. it doesn’t help that his breath tickles your ear when he speaks lowly against it

“are you done? because i can go all night” 🥹💕

i am vibrating at a frequency unknown to science.

**

He watches you swan around the gala like a ball of light.

You glitter with the force of galaxies, shimmer and glow like you’re made up of nothing but stardust. The energy you grasp between your palms rivals the stars. You’re ethereal, absolutely beautiful. Dick sees you spin from one group of people to the next, elegant, untouchable;

Bratty.

Your nimble fingers rest on the forearm of some random CEO and Dick tightens his fist around the flute of champagne in his hand. Glancing towards him, Dick locks his gaze with you and is forced to watch you duck your head, laughing at whatever the older man whispers in your ear.

He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose.

He’s about to shatter the glass in his hand.

Someone beside him clears their throat and Dick feels the white hot lick of irritation drag up his spine. It’s the same flicker he gets when someone throws a punch and it lands, it's the same blinding flash he felt all those years ago as a child.

Grieving. So full of rage. So lonely.

He swallows the biting remarks in the back of his throat. Laughs where he’s supposed to, says the right things, let's men and women alike bid for his attention, his time. He searches for you, sweeps the room with the efficiency of someone who’s been trained for combat since they were a child.

The weight of your gaze settles on his back and Dick turns to face you.

Only to find you slipping out of the room with a pretty smirk.

If he was able, he’d spank you in front of every single person here.

Dick cannot deny that you thrill him in a way nothing else does. He’s jumped from skyscrapers in a cape with a grappling gun. He’s fought people more than twice his size and come away bruised and bleeding but alive. He’s touched death, felt it hold his hand in the dark.

But when you look at him like you’re made of sunlight and something wicked, he feels his heart take root in his body, he feels it pound right through to the tips of his fingers.

You walk straight past him when you return, fingers grazing his waist. Your touch burns a path over his skin and he knows, just by the way you move, that you’ve slipped something into his suit jacket pocket.

The first few gala’s he brought you to, you would write notes and slip them into his pocket. Stupid things. Bad jokes. Crude drawings of sex positions you wanted to try later. It was hilarious and there was nothing he enjoyed more than glancing at those notes and seeing your handwriting looking back at him.

But this time, he slips his hand into his pocket and feels soft, lacy fabric.

And it’s damp.

**

Confusion flutters over your face at dinner.

Your eyes widen just slightly, a furrow forming between your brows. Dick thinks it’s cute. The way you react when he takes away all that carefully crafted control you thought you had, turns it against you, forces you to suffer through something you created.

Dinner is more informal than usual and Dick takes full advantage of that fact.

You move to sit beside him, but Dick pulls you firm and unrelenting into his lap. There’s a soft little noise that escapes your mouth and he has to resist the urge to swallow it into his stomach. It’s not the first time you’ve made him hungry with nothing more than a sweet little noise from between your lips.

It is, however, the first time you’ve been embarrassed about it.

Attention settles on you for the space of a few seconds but it’s enough to make you squirm in his hold. He feels your thighs tense, muscles rippling and quaking under his hands. He slips his palms higher, right up to the top of your thigh.

“So,” He whispers, right against your ear. “Not wearing any underwear, huh?”

You hit your elbow into his ribs and Dick grins, rests his chin on your shoulder so he can take a bite of his dinner. Getting another forkful, he brings it to your mouth and waits for you to take it. Eventually you do, but not before grinding your hips down, fighting for some sort of friction.

Feeding you a second mouthful your hand comes to rest on his knee, nails digging tightly enough that he feels you indent his skin.

“Behave.” He demands. “Or do you want me to show everyone the pair of underwear in my pocket?”

Shaking your head you release his knee, but you don’t stop shifting on his lap, grinding yourself down hard enough to make his cock start to fatten up. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose, or if you’re just restless and aroused.

Clamping his hand down at the top of your thigh he forces you to stop moving. You shudder when he squeezes firmly and demonstrates the strength he holds in his body.

“Please.” You whimper, just softly enough for him to hear. “Dick, please.”

Tucking his head into the exposed crook of your neck, Dick kisses the sensitive skin, drags his teeth over it just firmly enough to have your breath hitching in your throat.

“Oh, are you done now?”

**

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

To preface, I don't want to give out my or my girlfriend's ages, even though I know that's the typical format for these things.

So both my girlfriend and I are very introverted. We spend a lot of our time indoors and doing things online, with both of us working to pursue passion projects we might be able to make a career of (she takes art commissions, I'm currently trying to figure out how to develop a game). We're both very content with this, but recently I became friends with a coworker and have been talking with her a lot about our conversations (just meaningless stuff. I just like to share stories and conversations I find amusing).

I told her awhile back that I'd talk less if it bothered her, because that's been something I've done anytime I want to talk a lot about one thing in particular. The difference here is that with everything else, it was just fictional interests of mine, so it was a lot easier to just not talk about it in case it was annoying. But we've always talked a lot about our days at work and such, so I suppose it feels more 'normal' to just ramble about that.

The other day when we were just making our usual banter (unrelated to said coworker though I did make a joke about them) she got upset and said she 'already feels like half of our conversations are about them'. I responded apologizing for it, and saying that since we spend so much time on our own doing our own thing, conversations with coworkers are just what I default to talking about since they're more interesting than me just working on passion projects at home unremarkably.

The conversation kind of fizzled out from there. I'd like to be clear that I absolutely do not think she is in any way an asshole or unjustified for feeling that way, I just want to know if I am an asshole for not taking her feelings enough into account. I've been considering just writing down the fun interactions so I still have some way of "getting them out", so to speak. Also worth noting that I do talk a lot about a lot of my coworkers, as it is a relatively small building so you tend to know and talk to just about everyone, I just talk the most with that coworker so they're my default to tell other people about if I'm talking about work.

What are these acronyms?

[pyreo]

Ok so you know when you're presenting a scenario in the narrative that your audience is supposed to disagree with. and, you know, 'shaking my head while reading on the train so everyone knows I don't agree' etc, you aren't presenting this for children, the audience is supposed to know what's going on.

good writing doesn't have something in-universe that points out when bad things are bad.

but there is a loophole.

if you want to make sure, if you feel like adding a failsafe to make sure nobody starts throwing accusations, you have the character with the incorrect view say something else, earlier or in the same scene, that is wildly, brutally obviously incorrect.

you brand them with the idea that they are Wrong and the audience will absorb that trait and apply it to everything else they do.

There's a great example of this in the Sopranos episode "Christopher", about christopher columbus and how defensive people are about him, where Tony disagrees with his son's columbus-critical school book. Tony rants "he discovered America, is what he did. He was a brave Italian explorer", with absolute conviction. But just a moment ago, Tony tried to excuse columbus's actions by saying that 500 years ago everyone was less aware - "people thought the earth was flat, for crying out loud", when arguments about the shape of the earth belong to ancient Greece, around 300 BC.

He also then mentions something about "remember when we went to Florida - the heat? and those bugs?" seemingly implying that mass murder is as excusable as swatting annoying insects. an abhorrent, disgusting view - informing us in concrete terms that Tony's impassioned defense of columbus is based on flimsy logic and his mentality is flawed.

another example I like is The Nicest Kids In Town from Hairspray. a toe-tapping number about the vast opportunities for young people in 1950s Baltimore - as long as you're white!

You'd better come on down and meet the nicest kids in town! Nice white kids who like to lead the way

Other than a little zoomed-in emphasis on the singer, it's just baked into the song. It's got the same jaunty beat as everything else. So just in case you somehow didn't get how amazingly racist this situation is, Corny Collins goes on to sing:

Every afternoon drop everything, Who needs to read and write when you can dance and sing! Forget about your algebra and calculus, You can always do your homework on the morning bus, Can't tell a verb from a noun- They're the nicest kids in town!

Playing it as a joke is a good way to couch the meaning, but this is no holds barred irresponsible in a way that explains why parents don't want their children watching Corny's show. But the link is there - this guy jokingly insists that children should watch tv instead of learning to read and write. With that in the same song, are you going to trust him on any other topic? On the racial divide of 1950s america? He's the face of the show, and given the time period, what he sings isn't shocking in-universe - but it should be outside of that, and his regressive humour clues you in that the correct stance is opposing this guy.

so there you go. if you want an audience to be assured a character is in the wrong... just... make them unbelievably wrong about something unrelated.

[lloydfrontera]

this hellsite can't stop me anyway in the switched protagonist au lloyd and damian are an absolute menace together they enable each other's most asshole-y traits and the levels of sass in the room grows exponentially for every minute they spend together.

they'll be going about their day and randomly start arguing about damian's pay completely unrelated to anything they're doing. full on haggling and negotiating "twenty-five percent and a week of vacation" "five percent and an extra weekend" "twenty percent and five days" "ten percent and three days but you don't mention my birthday for two months" "fifteen, four days and one month" "deal" lloyd does joke damian is the reason they'll fall in debt again. damian argues they wouldn't get nearly as much work done without him. lloyd can appreciate the commitment to getting fair pay even if it does put somewhat of a strain in his pocket. and damian does admire that lloyd never delays payments and he doesn't even has to ask for bonuses or hazard pay because lloyd just,,, gives them all of that (<- this is canon and no i am not mad the webcomic doesn't comment on it the way it should what are you talking about-)

also! they're sooooo good at squeezing shitty rich people out of their money. lloyd will draft the most ridiculous contract he can get away with and damian will loom ominously in the background until it's signed and then they high-five the moment they're out of the room not a single word needed between them.

plus the moment they see a monster and lloyd suggests running away damian agrees immediately, picks him up and fucking books it out of there. they are not in it for the heroics thank you very much. there would need to be a completely different reason for them to defeat the monsters and involve themselves in the drama cause they're both very much in favor of just. running lol

as for javier dealing with the fact that he can no longer protect rakiel the way he's supposed to because he has a demon king inside of him just itching to possess him and making hm as weak as possible in order to make him his vessel,,,, the mental issues would be delightful.

he would hate it with a passion, javier already has a big tendency to berate himself any time he's not strong enough to defeat whatever is threatening lloyd all by himself, so imagine the self-loath that would ensue if not only were he incapable of protecting rakiel but if he was the danger itself.

and then having rakiel push himself to exhaustion to keep him alive once acheros figures that if he can't put him in external danger than he can just make his own body attack him?? he'd be devastated. he'd feel ashamed and angry at himself for turning into a burden to rakiel, he'd try to brute force his way out of being ill only to crash and burn much the same way damian did when he tried to do the same.

javier is very much a 'gifted kid'. everything sorta comes easy to him, he never had to struggle too much to be good at things, not that he didn't apply himself or that he didn't put any effort, but he never encountered something he truly struggled with or couldn't simply surpass on his own. so when he's attacked by something he can't defend himself against, something that is so out of his league he wouldn't even have any idea of how to start defeating, he'd take it pretty darn hard.

i can see him trying to be more hands on while helping rakiel tho, like be it while he's trying to make the medicine for him or just in general around the clinic. like remember when lloyd told him to grow onions during the wetlands arc? and he ended up enjoying it?? he's just,,, a softie under the cool and badass exterior. so i think he would genuinely enjoy helping around in the clinic, he'd probably take an interest in learning some basic first aid or simple treatments. he likes helping people! he'd enjoy knowing how to bring some relief and heal instead of just fighting. and rakiel would be all over it because 1) free help and 2) hopefully if he keeps javier in the clinic they will avoid life-threatening danger that brings acheros out (doesn't work but it was worth the try)

oh my god now i am actually cooing a little over rakiel treating a patient only to look up and get startled by how close javier is leaning in to see, curious to watch the way rakiel heals his patients. and then when rakiel gently asks him if he wants to learn, he'd hesitate a little, worried that his hands, rough and callused from all the fighting he did in the gladiator arena, would harm more than help, but after some more gentle coaxing and a bit of teasing he accepts. and while he never quite becomes a nurse or attendant he's more than proficient at helping rakiel whenever they need some hands or when rakiel asks him to

i dunnot! the thought of javier being allowed to do more than just fight the way he was destined to makes me happy :]

[bloogers-boogers]

what are ur thoughts on cartmark :D? (sincerely, rarepair girlie who fell in love with them after reading 2 of the 9 fics about them)

I had wrote the whole thing and it fucking erased I never felt this upset 😭😭😭

Okay im gonna try writing the whole thing again my god ! 💔 I was already in my feels with what I had written and poof gone to the gutter 💀

Cartmark is great! They we’re a rare pair of mine too alongside gary x cartman (i’m still trying to figure out why I shipped those two)

*I can’t believe it I’m literally crying rn wtf pls feel my pain rn fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck😭*

I can see the ship with the mixture of Kyman in it (just cause im a hoe for the ship and somehow have to get those two involved in some way jsjsjs).

I see those two pairing up against/ destroying a relationship; that relationship being Kyle’s and Rebecca.

Cartman wanted to get Kyle to break up with Rebecca while Mark joined in cause he didn’t see Kyle as the man he wanted his sister to be with.

So they plotted together, and as such they got closer. Cartman was feeling all these new things about Mark as time went on; he began wondering why his heart pounded rapidly when they began to share things unrelated to whatever they we’re plotting, every time he leaned next to him Cartman could smell the laundry detergent he’d use for his clothes.

And with Mark, I always seen him as the type of guy who’d think he’s straight as a ruler and before he knows it he’s there noticing the most smallest changes Cartman did to his appearance.

“… You cut your hair slightly from the side huh?”

And Cartman yelps in surprise, “Huh?” Cause he would never imagine someone could be capable of noticing something so small.

After more time they’ve realized they haven’t done much when if came to breaking up the pair, just having gotten to know each other better joking around, sharing certain hobbies, qualities and stuff like that. So they laugh it off awkwardly once they pointed it out.

Now actually making a plan and having it done, following it was the next step. However Rebecca barged in Mark’s room crying madly saying how Kyle had broken up with her and began cursing him out like a bitter ex already while Cartman was still in the room listening.

You’d think he’d be happy as he had got what he wanted without doing absolutely anything. However, he felt the opposite; upset cause that meant there was no reason to hang out with Mark anymore.

They both went silent, knowing this was finally the “end” as they walked outside because it was getting late and Cartman needed to get back home.

Mark stopped him grabbing his hand gently, Cartman flinched in surprised by the gesture, stunned by Mark’s brown big beautiful eyes aswell. His cheeks bloom a tint of red and that’s where Mark realized how stunning Eric looked under the dark starry sky. He was left in almost in awe before snapping back to reality.

He straightened his posture and cleared his throat, “this was quite a splendid machination we got done.”

Eric smiled somewhat relieved and cocky, shaking his head in disbelief, “stop your blabbing smart guy.” He let go, and Mark was already missing the warmth of Eric’s hand.

This is were things began turning interesting!

After a long night, Cartman did his usual and went to the bus stop the next morning and waited for the rest of his friends to arrive.

Surprisingly he had got there first, and 35 minutes in he was starting to wonder why any of his friends hadn’t arrived yet that’s when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“There’s no school today, fatass, I’m surprised to see you here.”

Cartman turned around and looked at Kyle, breathing heavily as he was taken by surprise, not that he was scared of course!

“Though I’m not surprised either,” Kyle crossed his arms looking at him with boredom.

Cartman arched a brow confused, gripping on to his backpack, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

Kyle shrugged before letting his shoulders loose, and his arms to the side, “I don’t know, you been spending a lot of time with Cotswolds lately you probably missed our message saying there was no school today.”

Cartman stared at Kyle silently, “is that’s why you’re here..?”

Kyle frowned before kicking some snow, “no, I’m just here cause I was passing by, im gonna go see Ike in like two hours he has a baseball game today so- I figured I’ll just get something from the store and… shit-” he grunted by the nonsense he was spitting, rubbing his face with frustration, “that’s none of your business fatass!”

Cartman frowned, “I didn’t tell you to blabber all your life to me, jew!” Then his eyes widen when he realized what Kyle said, “wait… how did you know I was hanging out with Mark?”

Kyle cheeks reddened, he scoffed, “it’s not like you we’re being secretive about it.”

Cartman’s cheeks redden with embarrassment as if was exposed and caught in some naughty act. Cartman immediately changed the subject and pinned the attention on Kyle, “heard you broke up with Rebecca.”

Kyle was about to speak, Cartman notice he was, but Kyle close his mouth tightly shut before storming off.

Cartman was left a little confused but headed home.

Mark on the other sides was gutted, he laid in his room floor thinking endlessly of Eric and the new found feelings he was experiencing. And somehow grief knowing it was all onesided as he knew Eric was in love with the ginger boy across his street.

He cursed internally cause he now found another reason to dislike that boy, but couldn’t even pin entirely the blame either.

He sighed wanting desperately to be open about his feelings but he couldn’t even do that cause his father would never approve of it.

So in school he conformed himself with watching Eric from the sidelines oblivious to Cartman’s side glances.

Cartman was feeling sick to his stomach every time he felt Mark’s gaze on him, the boy thought he was being slick with it but Eric notice right away when he first started staring at him, and even that was cute and dorky.

And in a blink of an eye he was found kissing Kyle in the janitor’s closet however the burning feelings he had for him weren’t as passionate as they we’re before and he didn’t know why it felt different. It wasn’t as he imagined it being, he thought he’d be the most happiest boy alive having his long time crush making out with, initiating it too! He should be rabid of excitement!

But he’s not… and his mind wondered to Mark, and the time they spent together doing absolutely nothing but fooling around and sharing shit they thought funny.

He sighed pushing Kyle away slightly, the redhead stared at him; his eyes saddened in realization, “you like him don’t you..”

:33333 and that’s all I got for now bby🫵

[carnivoraformes]

//OKAY BUT I AM NOT EVEN JOKING OR TRYING TO BE IRONIC WHEN I SAY THIS: But if anyone wanted to know where Jing Yuan's head is at at any point in his life all they would have to do is pay attention to his sexual preferences and knowledge of his own sexuality and his own willingness for experimentation with sex.

And before anyone yells at me, no he isn't a sex driven dog. His feelings towards sex and what he likes/wants/needs fluctuated over time and directly mirror where he was mentally. It's just that he likes to hide behind the lazy genius attitude in every other part of his life to keep people from really looking deeper into him and his own thoughts and feelings.

It's partly so no one ever stops to wonder how he is doing because emotional vulnerability from the perspective of not only a boy that became a man but Jingliu's student was an incredibly daunting thing for him. By the time he became comfortable with it he couldn't let the mask slip because he had hundreds of thousands of lives in his hands.

That said two things remained consistent about his life:

Being absolutely lazy.

Always going out of his way to not talk about his own feelings and fears.

"Teen years"/Training years: He was a teenage boy. He was both smart and stupid at the same time. Mostly stupid. Next.

Adult Years In The Quintet: He thought he had wanted to a long term partner, and was vaguely becoming aware that he fell on the bisexual/pansexual spectrum. He understood he was sexually attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender and was busy meeting people.

But at this point he had yet to learn that sacrificing his own happiness to be with a person was not worth it.

This was about the time when he ended up in several polyamorous and open relationships with various people because those he had surrounded himself outside of the quintet were doing it and he thought because they wanted it he was supposed to to.

He wasn't happy but he had deluded himself into believing he was and nothing anyone with way more experience with relationships could have changed his mind. He deluded himself into believing his own discomfort and insecurities were just him being dramatic and selfish.

And that translating to him believing his own feelings both in and outside of his romantic relationships didn't really matter.

End Of The Quintet: After the quintet fell apart, so did he. He effectively lost some of the closest ties he had and as a result he became almost emotionally numb. This lasted for years with him just not being able to form emotional ties with people and those relationships he had he mostly neglected outside of the relationship with his immediate family, because he believed he was being selfish by being so broken about it.

Naturally that entailed him refusing to talk about it with anyone outside of what would be considered polite or was mission necessary.

This actually ended up making him very sex averse, his mind before hand believing sex = romantic relationship = emotional intimacy = literally caring about another person and because he was so closed to off to having personal relationships (romantic and platonic) at the time the idea of sex made him anxious, sometimes to the point of feeling sick.

Roughly A Decade After The Disbanding of the Quintet: EVENTUALLY he managed to process why he was so put off by sex (but not why he was so emotionally numb) and not wanting to remain celibate for the rest of his life because of something he knew should have been totally unrelated to why he was feeling the way he was he kind of eased back into one night stands and the like.

After that he somehow ended up going from one end of the spectrum to the other as a means of coping with the other myriad of feelings he didn't want to think about by experimenting with all kinds of sexual acts.

This was about the point in his life when he was basically open to try everything at least once (and I do mean everything) when it came to sex. It during this time he realized that he was far more open minded than he ever realized.

Side fact: He actually learned so much about the the anatomy of humans, foxians and long lived species through his own sexual exploration. He can't necessarily use alot of this information anymore but he knows them.

Decades After The Disbanding of the Quintet:

Eventually after being around so many people in the various 'sexual deviant' communities he began to make friends and finding people that he formed bonds with. He never really got as close to most of these people as he did to the people he met as part of the Quintet but it did manage to get him on the right track.

After a long time he did end up in romantic relationships here and there but as he was working through his own thoughts he learned more about himself and what he wanted.

He still had a few one night stands and plenty of friends with benefits but eventually he drifted away from many of those people as he began to get the mind set of a future general and for probably the first time in his life he started actually to become genuinely confident in himself, which led to him being confident enough to be upfront with others about what he did and did not want.

After that he started having no problem cutting ties with anyone that didn't want the same things he did or couldn't handle his priorities.

Becoming The General To Current Time: During his early years he dove hard into being a General and it consumed so much of his time that very few personal relationships managed to last. In time though he learned how to lead far more effectively leaving him much more time to form bonds with others and it showed in his occasional flings and a few long term relationships but mostly by how he became known mostly for being lazy.

He kept that up for centuries until Yanqing came around and caring for Yanqing took up so much of his time that being with anyone just kind of fell to the backburner until Yanqing was old enough to be shooed off for a couple hours for him to have a quick tryst with someone then go back to be the general and Yanqing's mentor.

To the right person he would admit ever since Yanqing came around he never really had any serious romantic relationships, simply trysts and the like and he was satisfied with that because being the general and a surrogate father made him happier than he had been in a long time.

[crystalelemental]

Alright, this is overdue.  I need to finally talk like...actual Utena thoughts.  We finished the show like two weeks ago and I just never followed up, first because thinking about it, then because Distracted.  This last post I made talking about it was after episode 23, so there’s...a lot.  This is my first run through, and I'm not super confident in interpretation of stuff here, but no way to get better at it than to try.  I'll try to keep it organized, but no promises.

Okay, so Nanami's Egg is about getting her first period, right?  That feels like...really obvious.  Like the way it's framed as both fear of this being abnormal, and then everyone laughing at her for developing this late?  That seems obvious.  Also, unrelated, but I love how Touga's going on about preferences involves trying to tell Nanami a man and a woman is the proper way, and using the phrase "No matter how good it feels" when talking about same-sex preferences.  Like, buddy.  My guy.

Anyway, the major line from that episode is that whole "We're only able to live comfortably this way because you're not the type of woman who lays eggs."  Which, in that context of laying eggs as now having your period, is pretty fucked, Touga!  But also, I think I kinda get what it's going for?

They talk about siblings as people who are always there, and in the case of the prince and his sister, that the sister was the only person to truly love him.  There's a big emphasis placed on that aspect of love.  But also a lot of the sibling pairs seem to have some weird interest in each other.  I think the idea is supposed to be more about how your first encounter with love is through the family, and that your conceptualization of love is formed through those early experiences.  Not necessarily in sexual ways, but just in how you provide and seek out affection.  And in some cases that is then sexual, given how Anthy and Akio’s relationship goes.

Sex is a big thing in the last season.  I honestly joked at first about the car being a metaphor for sex, but like...man, is it?  Akio goes on a lot about loving the vibration of the engine, and being in the car does result in shirts opening and discussions of those relationships, with Ruka and Shiori apparently just fucking right in the back seat.  But I think that's only a part of it; the engine that drives it, in a sense.  The car itself is, I think, more the relationship in totality.  I say this mostly because, at the climax (hee hee) of each duel in that season, the cars headlights turn on and fixate on the castle with the prince.  When Utena deals the finishing blow, the car crashes, and that illusion dispelled.  It feels to me like the vibe is that all eyes are on their prince, the ideal they imagine, rather than the person in front of them, and that leads to the breakdown of that relationship.

Slightly related, but there are only two instance I recall where a character sits on the front of the hood.  One is Akio in like every episode jumping onto it after revving the engine as hard as it'll go.  The other is Nanami, who arrives to the dueling arena on the hood, but while the car is off.  This is also right after she's like absolutely not with Touga, so it makes sense the engine is off if its purpose is representative of sex.

Another interesting change: Nanami only has one sword in that fight.  Previously, both in her initial duel and when Tsuwabuki uses her swords, she has two: a full blade, and a dagger.  That change is interesting.  I talked in the last one about not quite knowing the deal with the swords, but I think I've got something.

It seems their trauma.  Like, in Miki's case, his seems to be around the guilt of his sister not playing anymore.  Juri's is around her own bitterness with Shiori.  In the case of Nanami, there's two, and I think it's interesting that one disappears after she's decided she doesn't want that kind of dynamic with Touga.  One of them seems to be her hangups around him.  The other seems to be her need to stand out; to be someone important.  In a way, that's still tied to Touga.  He's her super popular big brother that she gains a lot of clout from; even her three flunkies only follow her because they're into Touga and hoping to use her to get close.  When she loses, her primary concern is about being just another face in the crowd, and that's the worst outcome she can think of.  Her primary baggage is around being liked, and being someone important to others.  Which was the whole thing with Wakaba, and a pretty significant part of the show.

I'm jumping ahead a long ways, but the ending of the show has Utena transferring out, and everyone forgets about her pretty quickly, even Wakaba.  There's a big emphasis on being special in the Wakaba duel, and Akio asserts that some people are just naturally special while most aren't, and lays it on pretty thick that Utena is one of the special ones.  But that's not true.  The ultimate outcome is that no one is Special in the grand, cosmic sense.  But the Wakaba duel is significant in that it's the most distinct in the black rose arc, because Wakaba is important to Utena.  Everyone is special to someone, but no one is Special.  Nanami is a character who seems to seek being Special, even as she ruins the dynamics that could result in her being important to someone.  Her closest friends will turn on her in an instant for their own ends, and she doesn't exactly treat people well; she just wants to be noticed and important to others.

But, swords.  I think another interesting angle is that, for the most part, people have their own blades.  There are unique swords pulled from each person.  The only exception is Anthy, whose sword is the Sword of Dios.  Akio's.  The swords as trauma then translates to Anthy carrying his trauma.  She doesn't seem to have her own sword, it's just his.  Given that the major focus is on Akio's abuse toward Anthy, this makes sense.  Perhaps moreso given the ending’s whole “Swords don’t fit princesses.”  That idea that you can’t weaponize or take control of your own trauma.  That sense of just needing to be passively protected, let someone else handle it for you.  The princess lives in the castle and the prince protects them.  Their only role is to be protected; to have someone else make the decision of what's best for you.  And that's a position ripe for abuse.

In the early duels, this was a big thing with Utena’s approach to Anthy.  Sure, she’s trying to help, but Utena’s approach is “This must be what’s best for Anthy,” and takes it upon herself to see it done, even if it’s not strictly what Anthy would want.  The ultimate stabbing at the end there kinda indicates that Utena hasn’t had the right of exactly what it is Anthy’s wanted, or gone about things the right way.  Trying to be that prince wasn’t the best course.  And ultimately, she doesn’t save Anthy.  Because you can’t just save them by jumping in and making decisions for them.  It’s just another form of control, in a way.

Opening the rose gate, that big goal of Akio’s, is something that only works when Utena cries.  It’s that empathetic response that gets things to start opening up.  Just hitting at the wall, trying to break things down, isn’t working.  If anything, the swords as trauma means Akio attacking the gate is a solid metaphor for that re-traumatization.  You don’t help someone past what hurt them by trying to help in the same way.  That idea of taking control for them is just hurting them again.

The coffins themselves are interesting too.  I think it's an extension of the egg metaphor from the early season; that idea of the chick that couldn't break free and died.  Season 2 also had the reversion of the butterfly back to the egg, retreating into the shell of what's familiar and feels safe.  The coffin seems to be the next step of that.  It's the refusal to progress, and I assume to stay with what is harmful, because it feels safe.

That leads to the whole “End of the World” thing.  Which I think is a pun?  Like, there’s end of the world in the apocalypse sense, which is definitely the more intended interpretation given the songs.  But also there’s end as in like...the edge, the boundary of the world.  When Utena transfers, Anthy tells Akio she’s not gone, she’s just “no longer in your world.”  That sense of the end of the world is, I assume, like the edge of Akio’s reach.  He talks about it in Season 2 with Souji, how you can’t really grow or move on so long as you’re at this school.  That’s the boundary of his control.  The apocalypse would be escaping it, abandoning that world for something else.  Changing from something familiar can feel like the end of your world, and like some great calamity, before it settles into something more liberating.  I think maybe that’s the intent behind it, that this apocalypse is what’s needed.  The talk about bringing revolution...may not even be the right approach?  Like, revolution would imply fixing what’s within, rather than just getting the hell out.  “Bringing revolution” might not be what’s best.  Sometimes you just gotta leave.

I'm running out of a direct stream of connected thoughts, so miscellaneous section time, I think:

Stars as girls.  That one seems obvious.  Anthy talks about not wanting to look at real stars in the episode Utena and Akio fuck, and Akio talks about having discovered a new comet no one knows about and keeping it to himself around the same time everyone starts commenting on Utena seeming more like a girl.  Akio's confession about never really liking the stars is interesting.  Dude's not even that into girls.  Sure, he'll fuck them, but you gotta have that preference no matter how good it feels, right?

They showcase really plainly how the stringent rules of the uniform allow Akio an easy in with Utena.  That insistence on traditional gender presentation results in Akio being able to go "Hey other staff, let our students express their individuality" and suddenly he seems like such a cool guy.  What's interesting is that he's the acting chairman right now.  He can just...make the rules not stringent.  But that would loosen his grip.  Strict enforcement of these kinds of gender roles and expectations is something those seeking to abuse will exploit, by seeming like they're oh so cool for being more laid back about the things they help enforce.  It's a clever demonstration in a pretty short scene.

This isn't metaphor, but I fucking love that Nanami's "friends" turn on her, set up this whole thing of like oh no, is Nanami about to experience a consequence for her actions, only for her to show up, completely unharmed and put together, with all three of her funkies bandaged and beat to shit.  Like that was supposed to be the "See what happens when you make bad friends?" scene and Nanami decided no, I will never learn a lesson, and just brute forced all of them back in line.  I love her so much.

In the last scene as Anthy' leaving, there's Chu Chu and the frog on him, with Chu Chu squirming loose and running off.  This is just a dumb little factoid, but frog mating involves amplexus, which is basically just grab on and hold tight until it's done.  It's a neat little visual representation of what's going on for Anthy too.

I...think that’s all I got?  There’s probably a ton of stuff I missed, this show feels really dense.  It’s a lot.  But it was really, really good.  I’ll definitely rewatch it at some point, but...later.  This feels like the kind of thing you need a palette cleanser for after before going back in.

[whats-wild-to-you]

request for an angst w/ fluff ending where you and jay are supposed to travel together but get into a fight the day before? thank you!

______________________________________________

It was your first time going on vacation as a couple. You had been living together for almost six months now and you were absolutely loving it. But many had warned you. Living together well doesn't mean you're getting along well. The true test comes when you go on vacation together. You were confident though. You and Jay got along well, everyone was doing their part and you had zero complaints.

Packing your suitcase two nights before your departure, you feel giddy. Having waited a long time to go someplace nice with Jay, you feel that this will advance your relationship into the next stage.

Jay opens the door, witnessing your fight against the suitcase, while you try to stuff all your clothes inside before you zip it up.

"Who's winning?" He jokes, munching on his banana.

Rolling your eyes, your gaze lands on Jay's suitcase that's still tossed in the corner of your room.

"Why don't you join me?"

"I'll pack tomorrow." He says and leaves the room.

Tension spreads inside you. While Jay was as giddy as you four weeks ago when you first mentioned you had booked your vacation, his excitement has subsided since then. Or were you just imagining things?

"Fine." You mumble to yourself in the empty room.

The night before your departure, Jay insists on scheduling one last club appearance, deeming it unnecessary to give you a head's up in advance.

"We have a lot of things to do, you can't just leave!"

"What? I said I'll pack my bag later."

"It's not just that! We have to clean up! We'll be gone for three weeks!"

"You're already doing it, though."

Having been raised the "oldschool" way, you never really expected Jay to help in the household but it would've been nice if he did once in a while. Right now you were angry at him for not offering to help but instead deciding to go out and have fun.

"Really? You're letting me do all the work?"

"Honestly? I don't even know why you're doing it. You're going overboard. I already told you I'm busy tonight!"

"Really? Then maybe I won't go on vacation and since I booked the hotel under my name you won't be able to go as well."

"Fine! I don't even want to go to some stupid hotel with you anyway!"

His harsh words cut you up like a knife. Holding your breath, you wait for him to say something, but instead you watch him shake his head, then leave.

As soon as you hear the door fall in its lock the tears spill out of your eyes. You were looking forward to spending some time alone with Jay. Having him all to yourself.

Blinded by anger, you walk into your bedroom and unzip your suitcase, throwing your clothes left and right, until the bedroom looks like it has been broken into.

Leaving without a note you decide to spend the night at your best friend's house. You aren't exactly hiding since her house will probably be the first place Jay will be looking for you, but you don't want to hide from him either. As soon as he finds you he will encounter your wrath.

It's 3am when someone bangs on the door. You filled your best friend in and told her to not open the door to Jay. After a few minutes of unrelenting banging, you're afraid neighbors might call the police so you quickly run to the front door, opening it carefully.

"What?"

"Why are you here?" Jay says, sounding more concerned than pissed.

"Did you get hit in the head? Do you suffer from short memory loss?"

He always knew how to soften you up. Casually leaning against the door frame, looking irresistible in a pair of jeans and a tight black shirt, he lets his good looks do the work for him.

And you'd be damned if you let him win you over that easily.

"Babe, I'm sorry!" He says, straightening his posture.

You try to remind yourself of the words he had said just a couple hours ago.

"You hurt me. What you said hurt me!"

"I know, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm just stressed."

If you weren't aware of his gruelling schedule you'd think it was a lame excuse. But you know how thin he spreads himself, so you cut him some slack.

"That's why I suggested going on vacation! So you would have some time off to recharge!"

"I love you for that! You're always looking out for me!"

"Well, at least you know." You mumble under your breath, still sulking.

"Can we go home now please?"

Nodding, you look behind you, deciding to write a short note to your friend and sticking it on the fridge.

"Can we please not fight? Ever again?" You say as soon as you're both inside Jay's car.

Jay takes your hand in his, leaning over to give you a small kiss, before locking eyes with you and nodding in reasurement.

[im-dead-still]

I have very strong opinions about who will and won't die in season five of stranger things.

WILL die:

Murray. In the coolest and kind of funniest way possible. Like he would get stabbed or shot or whatever and while he's dying he'd add in a few jokes, tell them to keep fighting or something, then die. It would be tragic but a good choice.

Steve. i know he's the best character but that's kind of the reason. The fact that he's had an amazing character arc. It's kind of complete now. He went from a total douche, horrible boyfriend, to a kind of okay person who just didn't know what to do. To a pretty cool guy in season three, to an absolutely amazing guy in season four. Plus he started talking about his future and his dreams which is always a bad sign.

Maybe Will.

MAYBE Eleven. big maybe. It would kind of be really unfortunate if she died though. I personally wouldn't be super sad cos she doesn't actually have that much personality but like her entire life has been pretty shit so it would kind of be a bit cruel to kill her off.

Can't die:

Max. I know she seems like the closest to death. And she is. If it were real life. But it's a tv show. It would be tacky and anticlimactic for them to kill her off after reviving her and putting her in a coma.

Robin. Hasn't really completed her character arc and i don't think that it can be done in one season so killing her would make her entire character feel incomplete. Except i could IMAGINE them killing her, i just don't think they will.

Hopper. He already had a fake death in season three it would be weird of them to kill him again.

Joyce. Very bias about this one. Also i think it would be really annoying and pointless because they already did the whole tragic thing of "OH NO hopper and joyce can't get their date :(((((" . Also like give her a break she's been one of the most suffering characters since the start.

Could go either way:

Dustin. I feel like this would have to be a conscious choice and it would have to relate to the plot. I mean he would be grieving Eddie. Also if Steve dies, i feel like Dustin could die because of his line in season three "if you die, i die" but that's probably unrelated.

Lucas. Could die saving Max. Or another way. Again, would have to relate to the plot.

Nancy. Idkkk about this one. Like Nancy is fucking cool i love her i don't want her to die, and i don't THINK they'll kill her. But i mean they could. i could imagine it either way. Either way the show will be good. Like it won't be one of those deaths where it ruins the entire show because it doesn't make sense, or it feels incomplete, or some other reason. But there's also no specific things pointing to a future death.

Probably won't die but no evidence to say they won't:

Mike. He's just kind of there. Don't think they'll kill him but there's nothing really stopping them.

Argyle. Similar thing to why they won't kill Robin, but i feel like they could kill Argyle and it wouldn't feel as weird as if they killed Robin. I suppose since she's been there longer.

Erica. Too young, but i mean the whole Hawkins' Lab Massacre killed a bunch of fucking toddlers so there's nothing really stopping them. I just don't see them killing her.

Jonathan. Idk. Doesn't seem like they'll kill him, but nothing saying they won't.

Suzie. Not really involved enough to die but i suppose she could become involved or something idk.

And whoever else I've forgotten.

[vermanaward]

dawntrail msq, 95-97

tuliyolal, evenutally

okay so that was the end of disc one i guess

i would ask 'why couldn't she have asked him earlier' but. the drama.

everyone seems remarkably unconcerned about first promise and/or the dickhead trailing around after him. counting down the minutes until one or both of them causes problems on purpose

why are the hyper capitalists in xiv always short. lalas, pelupelu, mord.

...oh okay here we go, disc two commences!

shaaloani

bison!!

swear words?!?!

how come npcs get to have guns without shitty lunchboxes. ANSWER ME YOSHI P

"saddle up!" [proceeds to make me ride bareback]

WHALAQEE MENTIONED

somewhere between "my poor boy erenville being deadnamed to heck and back" and "ah. yeah. immigrant adopts local name to not stick out, resulting in Complicated Feelings when they go back home and people use their native culture's name"

oh. a bent cop. whoever saw that one coming

i would ask 'why are there dinosaurs in north america' but. you know what. it makes a pleasant change from them being in africa

"hey, remember shadowbringers. you guys liked shadowbringers, right? everyone loved the bit with the trolley?? right????"

at least there isn't a dead wife this time ig

the design of this train is offensively bad. like it's a stream train, fine, except it has a ceruleum (ie. petrol/diesel) engine, fine. except it's a steam train but instead of steam coming out the top its?? burning ceruleum? what???

welp

tuliyolal

man i was just thinking to myself this morning. 'we haven't seen yshtola all expac. it's been so nice not having to constantly brace myself for her biannual death fakeout.'

oh and she brought the allagan fanboy too. yay.

>!?!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!

at least it's not the fucking allagans ig

(obligatory: ok so shtola is here so she can reprogram the gate and go get some ronso booty)

rofl though. so okay if this is a 9 parallel, then who is garland here, and when will necron come haring out of the left field wait that was endsinger nm

unrelated but the more i think about it the more :\ i am that the girl is The Emotional One and the dude is The Logical One. like bruh

estinien is determined to be Sir Not Playable This Expac and honestly i can't blame him

"don't do anything reckless" what like pick up both eyes of nidhogg while soaked in his blood? that kind of reckless?

haha see the joke is that in the First his wife is dead aren't dead wives funny

heritage found

alexandria, huh [chinhands]

man. this is extremely the "hey, remember shb?!" expac. and not in a good way.

honestly this is a gripe for another day but i really hate the way this game just goes [handwave] ~time dilation~ any time they want something dramatic to happen with shit on reflections. time always passes at the speed of drama. it bugs me.

actually ykw. this expac is so actively pro monarchy it's kinda nauseating. there i said it

erenville's mom is dead isn't she. .-.

heavensward: let's kill the pope and install democracy! shadowbringers: let's kill a dictator and install a democracy! stormblood, dawntrail: let's, uh. install and uphold monarchies! yay royalty! yay bloodlines!

do i expect progressive politics from final fantasy? hell no, i'm not delusional. does this mean i'm going to let this slide? also no!

ooh namika's going to be euthanised isn't she

ha ha he's wearing armour from the alex raids ha ha

in a robot? no just piloting a robot.

okay i take it back this hellhole is worse than amaurot. good job a+

that said: it's absolutely a fragment of a world consumed in a rejoining that somehow managed to avoid being rejoined, yes yes? from the calamity of lightning, for obvious reasons.

which would make oblivion that shard's equivalent of the scions/ardbert and his gang

which unrelated but would mean there are people on the source at 6/14 aetheric density. (and would put krile at 1/14, for that matter)

...hm. are we supposed to take from this then that alexandria and 'the golden city' are two seperate places?

oh. yeah i found rowena's shard from the lightning reflection. lel.

100 scrip vendor unlocked finally, time todo what i came here for: FISH

[marcusbrutus]

Ok so I think I might have moral scrupulosity, and not in the “uwu self diagnose lemme add this to my list of identities” way but in the “I think everything else I’ve been diagnosed with is a mistake and this is the real root of all my issues” way

I listened to a podcast yesterday by a pastor describing it and how religious people can cope, and while I’m not really religious anymore I still felt a lot of the same things he was describing. Fear of uncertainty, fear of where you stand with god. I always joke that I must have been saved/rededicated my life to Christ at least 7 times as a kid because I was afraid the the last few times didn’t count. I was also extremely afraid of being Left Behind when the rapture happened. I think I was more afraid of that then hell. And I suffered (and still do) with intrusive thoughts, and these would occur when I was praying. So I’d have to pray over again and apologize for the thoughts and it was essentially an endless cycle.

Well anyway, now that I’m NOT religious anymore, this fear of uncertainty and fear of where I stand has taken the form of being unsure if I’m good at my job, specifically constantly asking for confirmation that I’m doing things right. I need very clear instructions with no room for interpretation.

But it’s also taken the form of being terrified of where I stand morally, specifically on social media. There’s this one issue that particularly triggers me but I can’t talk about it and I’ll explain why: the internet (this website in particular) has gotten too extreme. Even typing this gives me anxiety. But I’ll see someone get cancelled for things that I agree with. And I know that’s kind of a funny meme but for me it’s not funny. It’s terrifying. It’s especially terrifying because if I say that I agree I’m afraid I’ll lose friends.

There’s this one particular issue that triggers me to no end, and I absolutely cannot escape it. I refer to it as [redacted] because I fear if I say my concerns out loud I will be labeled as a bad person and that will be the end of me. I’ve only told one friend about it and even then it was hard to get the words out because I was so afraid.

And it’s EVERYWHERE. It’s something I can’t escape. I wish I could stop thinking about it but it’s literally everywhere online and as soon as I get peace of mind and it’s out of my head, BAM, I see it again and it leads to a thought spiral. “Just block the tag” I have, but this is literally the [redacted] website so at this point half my dash is blank and it’s so prevalent that posts still leak through the filter.

Now Instagram isn’t even safe with their insufferable Threads feature that I can’t turn off. It’s like they’re specifically targeting me with stuff related to [redacted] to try and get a rise out of me. It’s even everywhere on YouTube. I’ll be watching a video about something unrelated then the YouTuber will mention [redacted] and it’s all over for me.

I spend all day thinking about this issue. It is eating me from the inside. I can’t ignore it because it’s everywhere. I can’t talk to my friends about it for fear of being labeled a bad person. Literally what am I even supposed to do. I argue with people about it in my head all day. I want it to stop.

Anyway all this to say the internet isn’t fun anymore and the fact that you all will label anyone with a differing opinion, even an extremely milktoast opinion everyone would have agreed with 10 years ago, as a bad person who you shouldn’t associate with has made my mental state a living hell

[hard-core-super-star]

OH, OKAY- I really can't be mysterious, can I? but what a lame huh? looks like you're going to have to keep talking (umm, writing), and I'll have to keep listening then (right... reading. I understand your struggle now). It's really a misfortune, there really is no other way out or choice, this totally sucks, daaamn

the way i GASPED! You wouldn't do that, would you? You can't! there's more people's lives at stake than mine, doing that would make all these innocent people pay for something they are not to blame for.

I don't know if being a sucker for irony also fits the irony of having enjoyed a bloodsucker show. Há! get it? Sorry, I'm stopping right now, I swear I make cool jokes sometimes.

I also don't understand how this man can be underrated!!! I live in a bubble where he is super famous and literally everyone loves him (aka my head). Do you mean in general in all versions of it including comics or just in games? And thank you for accepting my apology and you can judge as you wish, I judge my child self too- but it was because I was such a big brat and only my favorite superhero mattered 😶

All these series (except supergirl) you just mentioned I started watching but never finished and I don't even know why. I want to finish Legends of Tomorrow but I would have to watch it from the beginning because I forgot most of it, I also found out that my mothers (Avalance) got married🤭

CAITLIN SNOW THE WOMAN YOU ARE!!! I've never watched supergirl but I know very well who kara danvers is so let me tell you: they fueled your gay awakening with all the right reasons.

– 🌟

i mean, you could argue that being on anon is mysterious enough already so you don't need anything else. yeah, going on these long tangents with you is so lame, i'm totally not having a great time. [ ;) ]

i absolutely would and i could and you'd have no one to blame but yourself. however, i'll be nice since you more than made it up with the essay you sent about my alpha!kate fic. BUT you're on thin ice 👀

sdkjghjadjg lmao, i thought your joke was good, don't worry. [i was also going to make a bloodsucker joke but in the olivia rodrigo direction]

i think we may share a bubble, ngl. i know they made a titans show [that i never watched] but it's not like he's hit the mainstream. how many times has DC restarted their movie franchise and Nightwing still hasn't made one appearance??? it's a crime and it really only leaves me with the videogame adaptations of him because i am not rich enough to buy comics 😶 [honestly that's a very valid reason]

i cannot recommend legends of tomorrow enough. it's silly as hell but that's exactly what makes it so good. i think season 1 is probably the worst one which is hilarious since it's the one that truly leans into the superhero aspect, every other season is just increasingly more chaotic shenanigans and very gay interactions. OH MY GOD, don't get me started on Avalance, i sobbed my eyes out when they got engaged and then even more when they got married. i will NEVER forgive the CW for cancelling this show.

i am NOT immune to slightly traumatized, witty, brunettes with pretty smiles and it shows. and kara danvers is just a golden retriever gf so of freaking course i fell in love what else was i supposed to do??? [unrelated but my first tumblr blog was actually a writing blog dedicated to the arrowverse ladies. and my writing was awful but that's beside the point]

[the-firebird69]

There seems to be some unnatural lightning out and we went and we can see storm clouds and their forming naturally so it's good but there are other things happening that are making that not so good. Firstly that's a lot of muck that's a lot of muck it has to come out way too much for someone to pull out no it's a lot and we're starting from upper river coming down and it's worth it but boy is that a lot of crap and it is that's it's going to come out and it will use up on the farm. And be much safer it is true yes but that is a lot of crap I have seen a lot of crap before all over the planet and that's a lot so I'm wondering where it all came from and I did calculations and he came from all over and washed in and from miles away but for it to do that I have to knock down all the firms and safeties and everything and that's what happened and the idiots were the growers and they weren't growing much it was said to out there putting the compost in and they're not growing anything it'll do it on the many fields other fields are growing regular things these people are wise asses okay about screwing around with someone that sounds complaining about it a lot what do I do never mind license to do you know what we tell him but boy you're more like a rude and talking about and you're talking to someone and you get your asses handed to you out here these days anybody who talks like you do here and this idiot town and the rest of the world you get your ass handed to you I'm sitting there :-) saying stupid s*** to our son, out there we've seen people kill you with one punch knock you down and they're dead and they haul you off and incinerate you for saying what you're saying to him here but if you say it to them that's what they do. You're obnoxious as hell because you don't know it's true it's freaking weird you're supposed to be leaders but you don't know what damn thing he knows you're all dying out there and it you're stupid here so he doesn't say anything mostly he is dangerous to someone who's valuable to you see a big huge freaking joke okay the rest of the Satan is on Earth laughing at you. There's a lot of jokes for us "I've fallen and I don't want to get up". "No I don't know what you're saying and don't care or if that gun is loaded". "we made a big huge mess out of things and don't care about it even though we did to ourselves mostly" tons of people are senging your praise bjA for being such an idiot. Sandy Wong said this "I won't be held responsible for this jerk is doing it's so bad it's a lot worse than what we would do to him" our son says ohhh gawd. After that one. But it's true there's a lot of people making fun of you more like here cuz you're so proud so it's done nothing for a long time and they gave it up that's what they say too it's absolutely true it's a big effort to give it up in the end.

We absolutely have news and it goes like this

-it was said warlock are 10% of the populous off Islands and not included clones and that is true that's about what they were last night and a lot of people that fed up with it and start attacking them all over the world wherever they were if they were walking about they were attacked them and sleeping in their apartments they were attacking and it turns out to be a huge attack and it was planned and the warlocks are having trouble with it cuz it says we're the ones who play those this morning yelling at people and they're saying that. If he would come out and then shoot them dead.

-there's so many of them that got killed last night in the Western hemisphere I almost even don't even want to say it's like 4% of them or something it was a huge number giant numbers of them wasn't that big but it was Giant it's like 1% of the general populace but just them is a lot and they're going for a second percent now these people getting whaled on

-couple of things are happening what is this is a unrelenting attack here right idiots on our son and calling for reinforcements second is it's just about as miserable as a gift and they keep on picking on him and we need to get the idiots out of here.

-last night they had an event evacuation and it was huge it was out of the upper Midwest and our army was descending while they were evacuated and they're trying to tell us that evacuated anyways but the troops came up and start to pull them out in Michigan and Indiana and we said it was well we're here now. We are clearing the areas and we are installing the wall and shooting will close off the whole place. And the cities will be left there for some time and people try to get out there and it's really bad and there's nothing out there.