#like i know that they didnt write the original lines with that intention

[sonknuxadow]

ever since dark beginnings came out i keep thinking about how shadow was shown to be ashamed of his black arms dna and considered himself to not actually be a hedgehog but just another one of those monsters that happens to look like a hedgehog. and in sa2 we see his first interaction with another hedgehog ever and its sonic calling him a fake hedgehog ........

[lesbiangiratina]

Not very fond of people like waving off testament’s gender as just a Gear Thing but well at least it becomes funny when people apply it to gears as a whole. Like yeah i can agree with that. It has nothing to do with being a gear tho theyre all just transgender

[chjroptera]

this is going to be a long one, but i feel like you'll understand my point of view: i sent you an ask like 2 or so months ago wanting to hear your opinions about how you do/don't separate the content creators from the characters on the dsmp. at the time i held a very opposing belief to you, now not so much. your original response made me think a lot about it. it was well worded. especially that these characters had foundations set with who the content creators actually are (wilbur and tommy being brothers at the time, dream being dream. the list goes on). at the time i didn't want to think about it at all, because not doing so allowed for complete separation between the horrible people behind characters that i love/loved (still love, but in a different and sadder way now) to continue. now, with more and more information coming out, with things getting less and less obscured and content creators being more blunt about their awful time spent with the dsmp, i find it nearly impossible to enjoy these characters at all. save tommy's and tubbo's, and quackity's when i don't think about his shit ending lmao. it's sort of like a fog has lifted from me if that makes sense. and the dsmp feels like this media that can't be understood like anything else can. it's so specific to what it is and the discussion surrounding it and how lines blur between character and creator. you have people that hold this steadfast blind belief (which i understand a lot of it is so they can continue loving something that they've loved for a while in a way that's unchanged, even though it's changed so much, i've been there) and then there are people like you, who seem to still have love and appreciation for the story but understand that nuanced middle ground. idk, i was wondering if you could talk at all about how you still enjoy these characters. or if you have any further thoughts about how the lines blur and the foundation that was set by the creators that their characters were laid on top of. sorry again that this is so long. been thinking about it a lot

thanks for sending this, i know its kinda jarring to realize dsmp is more like a blurry memory than a concrete story, and i totally get why you can't find that middle ground/enjoy it anymore. i also appreciate you wanting to hear more from me, i really enjoy talking about this stuff.

at least for me, i always saw dsmp as a story first. i dont know if you followed me on twitter but dude i was making threads on threads of theories, breakdowns, character analysis, everything. i enjoyed the ccs content too but from the first lore stream i watched (the dawn of the 16th) i always saw it as a story with intentional main and side characters, foils, character arcs whatever. as it went on, it became more scripted, which worked well for me because in my eyes more development made them less connected to their actual cc. tftsmp also made the divide wider because now characters had reincarnations, soulmates, and descendants/ancestors. tftsmp added so much original shit to the dsmp that it really did feel like a concrete story.

its kinda unavoidable that the ccs would use their own personalities and traits as bases for characters, a lot of them weren't writers or had personas. like for the longest time it was assumed that c!drm and c!spnp were childhood friends solely because the two are in real life. in reality it wasn't confirmed till the prison break stream which brings me to another point: a lot of dsmps canon depends on if you were even there or not. i explain in here and my best example would be cc!spnp saying his favorite headcanon was c!skpy and c!bad being his dads, which bad had already confirmed and then had retconned because of spnp saying it was a headcanon. its really fcuking dumb man.

i still love the story. im still super passionate about it if you didnt see how pissed i was about quackitys dumb merch commercial. i love the characters and i still do write analysis for them, watch the streams, make fan art but it IS a lot harder now. posting those c!wils took a couple minutes of back and forth with myself but i know that the only people here are dsmpers aka the only ones who Get It. karlnapity is literally my favorite ship ever and i cant bring myself to draw them most of the time because its feels so weird. i don't want to make them ocs (tbh i already have and shifted shit around lol) because they're already characters with development and backstories. i love them as they are, and theyre eternally suck in stasis.

i just kinda accepted that i really love this web series and surround myself with people who are willing to talk about it critically. acknowledging that the characters are an extension of the character who played them soured my experience a lot, it took me 2 years to draw c!drm again because i just dislike the cc that much. as someone who was literally there since 2020, dsmp is ours now. the ccs dont care about the story and neither does anyone concerned with the drama right now. you look up "dsmp explained" on youtube and youre getting thousands of videos regurgitating the same timelines and news updates on the cc drama, nothing about the narrative or the complexities of the media itself.

[cryptocism]

I love the comic book writing sensibility that Frequency has, like how Three and Five's ending is great for the story being told but if it were a published comic it would still leave them on the table for if a future writer wanted to use them.

whats funny is that despite doing my best to keep in line with dc comics/comic writing sensibilities throughout the fic (staying as comics-accurate as possible in terms of continuity/tone/characterization/story elements etc) that particular comic writing reality was one that was like. kind of a genuine anxiety that i didn't know i had until i started writing this thing.

ive said before that in the original concept for Frequency all of the clones (besides Thad) were going to end up dead. whether it was via killing each other or unintentionally being the instrument of their own demise (disney villain style). obviously it changed because creating an entire narrative about this one character's redemption arc and then not allowing any of the other villains to have a shot at redemption felt hypocritical and like. mean. not to mention antithetical to the whole ethos of the story.

but the reason why killing off all the other clones was my first instinct is partially because i had this kinda subconscious recoil to the idea that any of them would actually continue on after the story was over.

like, because i was trying to stick to canon so much, while figuring out the story a thought came up a couple times that basically went like, "okay, well, if this was a real comic, then...". and inevitably i had a realization that if this WAS a real comic, my original clone characters would be canonized, and therefore available to any future writer who wanted to yank them out of their respective endgames and inject them into other stories. which i Did Not Like the Idea Of.

classic "making up a guy to get mad at" except it was more "making up a reality to get anxious about". because obviously no matter how much it sticks to canon, Frequency still exists in a fan-created space.

but! i'd never made up original characters to put in my own fanmade stuff before and was definitely feeling protective. because all those original clones i made had yknow: a story purpose and narrative function to facilitate the actual key characters, Thad and Bart. the idea of them being removed from that context in any capacity, even if it was in the hands of a good writer, made me have this gut "no STOP you're ruining it!!!!" reaction.

they were all made for Frequency, and to foil Thad as a character, i didnt like the idea of Three being brought back as a one-note villain or Jude and Nathaniel getting folded into the wider Flash cast of allies. and none of them were made to be main character material. plus the character roster at DC is already uhh Extremely Stacked i genuinely did not want the takeaway to be "and here's the nEW ADDITIONS TO THE FLASH FAMILY!" because that wasnt the intention

anyway i got over it lol. i still did my best not to leave any loose ends, and have each ending be wholly satisfying on its own, and ideally the oc clones basically continue on offscreen while the true adventures are based around Thad and Bart. but yeah it felt right to leave off on that note (and served the story much better than killing everybody off)

[they-hermes]

ok so here the deal between the autobots and decepticons in tf hyperlink:

originally orion goes from dock worker to archivist (well more of manual labour with his alt mode to justify his new line of work) by senator shockwaves sponsorship at the archives in iacom run by his sister codexa. and orion quickly realises the shit conditions he lived under back as a dock worker were not unique and in fact a system based problem due to uim facing the same problems as an archivist (with added on discrimination because of his alt mode, isolation from his peers etc) and just "oh fuck this functionism shit is hell for everyone. i hate this"

then he hears about gladiator megatron in kaon who delivers poetry and speeches denouncing funcionism and the gov, advocating for a new world where bots could choose their destinies beyond their alt mode, and reaches out to him. orion finds his writing extremely compelling and righteous due to himself suffering under the same conditions (with his current job and past dick worker experience) and megatron invites him to start the revolution with him (as one does) and orion accepts

they create the deceptobots, and quickly start to gain traction not only orally but also by extreme acts of violence. orion is pressured by megatron to believe that violence is necessary for their cause, and actually starts to believe and inciate this violence "for the greater good" although he carries massive guilt over it. they're not really friends, outside of their political views they have little in common yet stay together as like partners and figureheads of their movement. their movement gains a massive following and follow megatrons plan to take over cybertron by taking over each city state, starting with kaon.

the thing is orion and megatron have vastly different views on the end goal, megatron throughly believes functionism is wrong not because it infringes on a persons individual freedom but because it infringes on what he deems an inherit right to commit violence. megatrons worldview is very militaristic and "survival of the fittest", the senate is inheritly wrong because they are weak and holding back cybertronians from their potential, which is to be a conquering self sufficient species. otherwise, they're just tools to be conquered and enslaved like the quintessons did a long long time ago. so by that logic megatron should be leader of the world bc hes the strongest and he'll prove hes the strongest by killing sentinel prime

the longer it takes for the deceptobots revolution to take over, the more orion realises that this wasn't the future or freedom he wanted for his people. the nail in the coffin is when ariel and dion, civilians and unaware of orions involvement, are severely injured in a raid. he starts to push back against megatron and makes his own allies in the deceptobots to help him take over from megatron. he largely talks and offers aid to civilians who didnt join the deceptobots bc they did not fuck with megatrons vision and he just burries himself with more guilt and shame that he did not recognise sooner of megatrons true intentions. he was never going to free the cybertronians he was going to lead them into a cruel dog eat dog world and lock them in a more violent and destructive cycle than the one they were in.

then finally comes the take over of iacon, the last city state. megatron knows of orions planned mutiny and betrayal but bc hes a freak he still makes orion hold his gun form to finish off sentinel after he fights him. its this weird power play + control over orion bc he knows orion hates sentinel but needs to use megatron as a weapon to kill him, thus reinforcing megatrons view of "all cybertronians need to rely on strength only". jokes on him orion hates himself just enough to kill sentinel and then fight megatron. dramatic battle ensues and orion is killed, body thrown over sentinels body as a last "fuck you" from megatron.

but as megatron leaves to deal with the traitors in his faction a very not dead orion takes hold of the matrix from sentinels body and opens it. and thus is born optimus prime, who now comes back to beat megatrons ass in front of everyone else and is like "ok everyone who doesn't like megatron come with me" and thus i s split the autobots vs decepticons

ill do a part 2 on the autobots and decepticons specifically bc this was just orion/optimus vs megatron

[ozimagines]

I wouldnt call this a request, more of just a thought that needs heard about kirk as an actor in general, i absolutely would rip out the beating heart in my chest to use as payment, to see a rendition of frankenstein, with kirk as "the creature", like if i had the power to go back in time to about 1997 or 1998 and make it happen, i wouldve done it yesterday. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind, he wouldve absolutely KILLED, COOKED, AND ATE up that role.

like if they did a modern rendition ( more really like late 90s) rendition of frankenstein, it would be utter perfection, everything about him would work for the role, he's handsome in a different sort of way (book says the "creature" was supposed to be a perfect male specimen, but corrupted), he can be very sweet and innocent and puppydog like, while at the same time being an absolute psycho as well (showed us that PERFECTLY in OZ), and plus just those eyes, those big friggen round puppy eyes would just be the cherry on top, he would be the frankenstein that you would all three, be creeped out by, cry over (the thin red line and BOB anybody?), and thirst for, all at the same time.

Anyway this is just the ramblings of a theatre kid who saw a potentially missed masterpiece for an absolute BEAST of an actor, i hope i didnt take up any of your time, thankyou for listening to my odd ted talk

Holy fuck, you're too damn correct. I would absolutely die for Kirk as the creature; that idea of him being the perfect specimen corrupted is really just Miguel's story with a hat on lol. So fucking here for this take. In fact, I'm so here for it, I wanted to write something about it. I know you weren't requesting but even so, this gave me an idea. I know that wasn’t the intent but you can’t type something that fucking real and not expect me to go overboard with it lol. Really your fault when you think about it. 😉

Also I read the book a long ass time ago and watched the original movie even before that so bear with me. I’m trying to mix Mary Shelley’s style of writing with my own so the dialogue may sound dated. Also just rewatched the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari so the creature is also based off the somnambulist Cesare.

(Below is a song that inspired me to write this. Wael is a street musician in New Orleans, where my mom is from. One night, while picking up some food for my family, my mom and I were walking back to our place, food in hand, when we stopped at a light and waited to cross the street. There are street musicians all over New Orleans, and the world is filled with light and fire and sound and music. We were about to cross, when I heard a violin starting a song. It was hypnotic to the point of being cruel; gorgeous to the point of upset. It was the most lovely sound I’d heard in my life. I begged my mom to stay. I told her it felt like a sin to leave something this beautiful without hearing how it ended. We stayed, the food getting cold in our hands, as this marvel of a man, Wael Elhalaby, changed the way I viewed the world. I told him then and there, my being only ten years old, that he was what music was supposed to be. I went home and wrote poetry and stories, all playing that tune over in my head. My heart almost hurt it was so beautiful. My mother purchased me his album when it came out two years later, and his fame started to become a staple in New Orleans street culture. I reached out to him years later on instagram to tell him what an inspiration he’d been in my life. He responded and told me he was happy his music affected me so. Please listen to this if you can. It inspired this piece and is aptly called “Feeling”. This story is a mix between Frankenstein and this anecdote.)

Like God

His eyes cracked open. That’s what it felt like… cracked. The light flooded in, and his hands immediately raised to stop the assault. With the light on his face and the blipping and whirring and boiling of the lab equipment surrounding him, the shock from nothingness to sudden fullness was overwhelming. His voice strained into a kind of growl and hiss all in one. He heard someone chuckle, and the light was pulled until it faced the floor.

“He’s alive!” Dr. Morales reveled in his trophy; the perfect iteration of man, inked in strength and fortitude of the masculine identity. His assistant, Raoul, cut the power pulsating through the creature’s limbs and brain, charging him with life and fire and sound and music. Dr. Morales ran a hand over the creature’s face, marveling at the marble-esque taughtness of the skin.

The creature rattled and groaned and shook, moving his hands in his restraints, flexing each digit and limb, the passion of life already embedded in his blood.

Dr. Morales watched his creature struggle and panic, the torture of being born fully formed being a torture to him immediately. It is a horrible thing to be born with a grown mind, filled with sinister complexities and existential dread. The creature’s thoughts raced. Normally, one is born and must figure out the who’s and what’s and where’s before moving onto the how’s and the why’s. This beast was filled with all at once, and it is a savage existence to be pondering the who and the why at the same time.

Dr. Morales looked at his assistant, Raoul, who immediately returned the look, hands shaking and heart aching in its fear.

This was nothing like what they imagined. None of the beauty and light but all of the terror and anguish. The creature’s thoughts raced thrashed around, making horrid noises that one might hear from the undead. It was though; it was undead. It was alive by every technical denotation, but not by the connotation of life and love and sex and rock and roll.

The two scientists immediately repulsed in their creation, Raoul Hernandez in his fright, reaching across the laboratory and picking up some jagged metal rod, running at the monster and attempting to run him through. The creature, with reactions strong enough and rapid enough to give a jaguar a run for its money, ripped itself from the slab and plummeted to the ground, dodging the attack. Raoul impaled the slab, attempting to remove the metal and go back at the beast, just as its hand reached up and started choking the life out of him.

“Stop! You listen to me, monstruo, stop it!”

The creature didn’t stop. He squeezed the life out of Raoul, not stopping until there was a sickening crack and the cessation of spasms in the short doctor. The creature dropped him to the ground, staring at his cursed hands, not two minutes old, but now tainted. Dr. Morales, in his fear and anger, charged out of the lab and onto the streets, screaming something about a beast worse than Hel and Baphomet and Cthulhu combined; a fiendish thing hellbent on madness and revenge for having been violently ripped into this world in the first place.

The creature towered over the body he’d created, eyes still open and glassy, the terror of Death gripping them and filling them with juicy despair. He couldn’t stop looking at his hands; his terrible hands. The creature sprinted from the lab, rushing onto the street, clad in nothing more than what he had at his conception. He rushed past a shop window, stopping only when he saw movement, and alarmingly checking for whatever the new danger might be.

It was a reflection, and the monster took a moment to connect the reflection with himself. He touched over his face and abdomen, his finger flinching around scars forever old. His muscular body flexed and contracted with every moment, his mouth half hung open at the marvel that was himself.

He heard whispers that morphed into screams that morphed into accusations behind him, and turned to see the calamity his mere presence had caused. The flash of every camera was enough to put him off balance, the terrified clamoring clanging around in his head and driving him to madness, if he wasn’t already acquainted.

He rushed from his surroundings, a few people grabbing at his arms and pulling on them, trying to keep him from his escape. He cried out, terrified, brain being filled to the brim with words and knowledge and yet no context or information on how to use them.

“St-stop!” He cried just as the doctor had in the lab, seemingly his only experience with terror matched with this. He rushed from his persecutors, heart absolutely pounding in his anxiety. He got away from everyone, panting and straining those barely used lungs. His breath only hitched when he’d heard a sound… so unfamiliar to him in pitch and melody… but so familiar in his heard. The symphonic whine of the violin made his eyes water. He had no idea a sound could do that to a person. Taking a few cautionary steps forward, his eyes landed on the source of the musical cry. It was a single man, skin tanner than his, fingers more nimble, mind more at peace than his ever were or was. He peeked from the side so as to not bring on his assault.

His black hair fell into his eyes with every belt of the instrument, arms and fingers working wildly to produce a sound this insanely complex and concentrated in its love. The creature tilted his head to the side. The man was beautiful too, lips pursed and lazy eye searching everywhere, closing no at random intervals. How extraordinary a specimen, and he was made to perfection as much as the creature was. The monster knew in an instant that this is what love was; it was a beautiful pain that compels you to act. He knew, then and there, that the musician was to be his and his alone.

When the song ended, the monster felt he could cry forever in his grief, but the musician had a crooked smile on his face, taking a short, lazy bow. He collected his money and closed his violin back in its case.

The creature followed him, if only to find where an angel or demon as powerful as he was meant to go. The musician turned in the streets, feet rhythmically moving to a song only he could hear, show spins and saunters from time to time. He was greeted by a few shop owners as the monster slunk past the alleys and darkness like Cesare in the night, face gaunt and haunting.

“Buenos días, Chico!”

“Buenos días, Gloria! Happy St. Miguel’s day!”

(Hoping this is a thing in Hispanic cultures. For Italians, we have Saint Days, which are feasts to celebrate the saints and everyone named after them. We have St. Michele’s day in Italy, so I think it would be a thing in Latin countries. Couldn’t find a clear answer. It’s colloquially known as Michaelmas.)

“You too!”

The musician kept that little dance in his steps, a skip here or there, a side step from time to time. The monster was enthralled, elated, excited in his new love. New, virginal love was something too pure for this world, and too lovely to be denied. His heart physically ached in his now lifelong love, that haunting melody still rattling around in his brain.

“Chico…” his lips moved along with the woman’s. “Chico…” he said again, having been his second word in this world.

The musician stopped in an abandoned street, and looked over his shoulder, trying to find whomever had said his name. The creature didn’t move. He couldn’t afford to, hitching his breath and hoping that the man wouldn’t find him. Chico kept looking around, until his eyes spotted movement in the reflection of a puddle. He froze.

“Who’s there?”

“Buenos días…” the minster quoted without context. Chico relaxed, calling out to whomever was in the shadows to reveal themselves, as he didn’t mean any harm. The creature revealed itself. Chico gasped, sharply. The creature winced and turned to run, but the next words out of Chico’s mouth had floored him.

“St. Miguel?”

The creature quirked a brow.

“I’m sorry… it’s just that you bear a striking resemblance to St. Miguel…” Chico said again, and the monster tried to form words in his mind, having had some implanted upon his birth with barely an idea as to how he could use them.

“I’m… Miguel.”

“Are you now?” Chico smiled, and the creature, now Miguel, mimicked the motion back without meaning to. Chico had a breathtakingly handsome smile. “Well, happy Saint day.”

“Thank… thanks.”

They stared at each other for a moment, before Miguel’s eyes trailed down. Chico blushed for a second before he realized the man in the shadows was staring at his instrument.

“I’m a musician. Street one, anyways. This is my violin.”

“I heard you…” Miguel spoke gravelly, voice being used for the first time. “It… I thought it was beautiful.”

“Gracias, Miguel.” Chico ran a hand through his black hair. Miguel’s heart skipped a beat and a warmth spread throughout his body.

“Play for me again.” Miguel asked softly, his harsh and aching voice being too strained by these new phrases of his. Chico grinned.

“Sure, Miguel. It’s your day.”

He ripped his violin from its case, plucking at the strings like a second nature, hands moving immaculately along with the music. Miguel closed his eyes, his body and mind and spirit becoming one with those glorious sounds. It was almost sinful to be this beautiful. Miguel stepped out of the shadows, and Chico’s eyes widened. He went to scream but self aborted the attempt, finding himself lost in the creature’s eyes, dead flesh and marred skin being lost in his brain.

“Miguel?”

“Please,” Miguel croaked. “Don’t stop.”

Despite his reservations, Chico didn’t stop playing, only seeming to close his eyes and lose himself more in the movements. Miguel kept walking up to him, taking step after aching step, mouth parted open, eyes intense and fixated. Chico kept playing, as if he were playing for St. Miguel the archangel himself.

“Who is like God?” Chico suddenly asked the air, stopping the shredding of his violin if only for a second.

“What?”

“That’s what Miguel means. Who is like God? The answer is supposed to be no one… but…” he gestured to Miguel in his half human, half divine form, but said nothing. Miguel felt he understood well enough, anyway. He placed his hands on Chico’s hips, standing behind him as Chico got back to making his sweet music, Miguel’s lips grazing over the back of his neck, smelling his natural scent, falling in love with except aspect of his new love. Chico played as he would for any angel; with devotion and love.

His song came to a close, and he turned his head to see Miguel’s eye shut and a peaceful expression on his face.

“Gracias, St. Miguel.” Chico made the cross on his body, kissing his hand afterwards.

“Demon! Monster!”

Miguel recognized that voice, and as Dr. Morales rounded the corner, he saw that this time, the doctor had brought an army of torches and pitchforks and angry faces. His eyes flicked to the fire on the torches, the fiery beauty being too much for him, and he recoiled as if he’d been burned at the mere sight.

Chico stepped out in front of him.

“Stop! This is St. Miguel!” Chico spread his arms in front of his new love, making lid protests. Dr. Morales went to shove the street musician to the side, when Miguel’s strong hands gripped his shoulders and threw him with ease at the wall opposite of them, another sickening crack and spurt of blood drowning out Morales’ cries. The crowd repulsed.

“Miguel!” Chico cried, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a run as they sprinted away together, hand in horrible hand. The creature picked Chico up by the waist and carried him up the fire escape of some dilapidated building. When they were sufficiently away, Chico turned to Miguel.

“Who are you?”

Miguel thought for a moment before stepping forward and placing his lips on Chico’s softly, placing heavy hands down on his abdomen and circling his thumb gently under his shirt.

“I’m Miguel… and I’m all yours…” he mumbled into Chico’s mouth, and Chico, knowing it was insane of him to accept that answer, leaned into Miguel and kissed him back.

“Come away with me… unless…”

“Anything for you, St. Miguel…” Chico wasn’t a devout Catholic, but he’d be cursed if he didn’t listen to the calling of his archangel. “I’m yours too, Miguel.”

Miguel and Chico turned to move, the quickness of their feet carrying them over rooftops and people who would wish them dead, but their hands never disjoining.

Many people speculated that they took residence in the old laboratory on the hill, but mob rule dispelled that theory months later. Some thought the men took to sea. Some thought they ran off into the stars. Truth was, they were lost somewhere in time between everywhere and nowhere, Chico playing melodies for Miguel that poets and symphonies could only dream of creating, each sound lost in love and light and fire and sound and music.

The creature knew, as he laid with Chico at night, that the love of his artist, the man who loved him, made Miguel like God.

[castlebyersafterdark]

rewrites with Millie after she was trashing the show a little, talking about how she can't wait for it to end so she can move on. Maybe the DB were like - oh, bet? Screen time slashed, have fun.

tbh the duffers also appear as mysteries to me, as well as mbb and the rest of the cast. theyre all outcasts in their own subtle ways, despite being big stars. i think they stayed those original kids at the back of the bus. for example, noah seems mainstream and basic bitch in his pop taste (<3) but i think he's a secret weirdo haha! he's just very quirky in how he even answers interview questions, so i can only imagine his true humour and chat when he's in private spaces with loved ones.

then there's millie, and i know you get bad vibes, but she confuses me! she seems really easy to have a laugh with, but the kind of friendship for me that could never go too deep. i would find myself gravitating towards her but wonder why, and wishing i could be closer with someone more reserved like finn i think. because thats more my kind of person and i love deep conversation and friendships. but i would have to make much more of an effort to go over and talk to finn and get to know him. this is all hypothetical if i worked with them lol.

so its like, mbb also seems kinda mainstream, but shes a weirdo too. she bought a house right next to her parents and she basically has a small farm holding. thats not normal by society standards, but it's not bad either - she seems kinda old fashioned, wanting to keep a community and family nearby, when so many young stars jet off to live in hollywood in a big empty mansion. and her product lines are so childish in their aesthetic and style, all that lavender and lilac, but she's also oddly mature and getting married this year? its so odd to me.

and captains of the weird ship - the duffers! when the show dropped most people i knew didnt even think they were real. just a pseudonym or something haha. theyre siblings and twins who work professionally together - already odd, somehow they manage such stress in a way most siblings could never. theyre clearly unhinged in the best way as can be seen in the thematic content of their show (true artists always are lol) and they give a chaotic energy where you never know their true intention: the show itself is somehow simultaneously wildly cheesy and yet completely unpredictable and genuine.

but in response to your original point, i think they do very much write for the actors, as can be seen most in dustin's spoken details in the show about his condition. we'll have to see if s5 drops mbb's screentime (i personally think that was inevitable whatever happened offset), and i havent seen these interviews where she said she cant wait for it to be over - but i certainly think they wrote for noah and finn's chemistry. perhaps not the storyline itself, but the details, certainly. you can see it in how they deliver lines - clearly deviating from the scripts and inhabiting these characters, riffing a little.

Thank you for sharing!!! All fair insights! ❤️❤️

[sickknotdoom]

I'd love to hear what you have to say on that Carlsly baiting topic you mentioned. I feel similar and would enjoy your opinion on it.

i dont really want to make this a long post since the longer it is the more likely it is that i misphrase something and come across the wrong way, so thisll be a few paragraphs at most. its important to note that i myself am gay (i like men) so yes, i feel like representation of my sexuality is something i can talk on.

one time is a coincidence, an understandable mistake, miscommunication. in regards to the topic of unis tfem identity, i feel less like it was intentional mlm baiting and moreso clumsily executed foreshadowing that didnt quite get the message across, probably because kit felt like revealing it would be "spoilers" and decided to make it as subtle as possible, like the vaguely trans flag-colored scarf. the gradual shifting of sexuality did sorta rub me the wrong way, like. first they were introduced as a gay guy, then revealed to be tfem/transhet (barruni being t4t), now theyre something along the lines of "queer in general with a slight masculine preference". i know people switch labels like that in real time as well, but to me it feels like unis original writing of being exclusively attracted to men is gradually disappearing, which feels messed up regardless of their gender identity. its probably whatever though.

two times is a pattern. the exact same thing happened with sly, except way more abruptly. sly was first introduced as a cis guy in a gay relationship with carl, and was later revealed to be tfem too, but this time there was absolutely zero foreshadowing. the only things i can think of that hinted at it were the strawberry nightgown art & maybe that "bathroom panel" ive been hearing about (but havent actually seen), which was brought up on here as relating more to ocd/intrusive thoughts than gender dysphoria. i might be overthinking this but i feel like that mightve been done to fuck with me specifically? because as a gay guy myself, having the same event of "popular mlm ship suddenly has one of the characters revealed as tfem" is reasonably frustrating as it can & will come off as erasure if not handled with enough care. and since ive spoken up about this in the past, which ended up landing me in a discord gc with An Actual Sparkleteam Member Trying To Convince Me Otherwise, it feels quite fishy to me. but if you think im wrong, cool, no hard feelings as long as youre not gonna flat out my opinion.

im prolly just tripping though. i have nothing against characters gradually realizing their identities but i feel like it should be handled with more care and that the proof of their journeys shouldnt be erased. especially when being written by someone who has no clue what that journey is like.

[initiumseries]

no no thats not what i meant i think i didnt word my ask properly.. i get that as a whole its racist mistreatment of bonnie and i also get that the reasons behind this particular incident on the writers part was also racist but thats not what i was talking ab which is what i meant by the first few lines lol i was trying to acknowledge it and not dismiss it

i mean like in the show itself, as in from the characters perspectives i guess? why would abby or bonnie be extremely upset about this if abby never really cared ab magic in the first place.

maybe my understanding of media/analysis is kinda rudimentary lol bc like we as viewers can spot the issues with the writing but within the show itself, like if these were real people why would they react the way they did. maybe i shouldnt be separating the two idk.

sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm not very good at articulating things

I think you're right in that last part, you can't really separate the two. I understood what you mean initially, and what I'm saying is that you cannot, in good faith, engage in that kind of discourse, because the issues with Bonnie's character, her racist mistreatment, and the SL with her mother are inextricably linked. I don't know that there's a need to try to "see it from the character's perspective", to still see the problems in a case like this, but for sake of argument, let's do that:

Consider it from Abby's perspective: now my memory around her very brief sl are fuzzy, but she wasn't able to use magic, which is why she didn't go back to Mystic Falls, she sealed Mikael and then lost her access to magic, but being around Bonnie, made her stronger, and able to actually help Bonnie (something something nature punishing her for abandoning her child). Abby abandoned her husband and child to start a new life, then Bonnie brings all this chaos to her doorstep. She tries to help, and then she's forcibly turned into a vampire, and it's clear, she doesn't want to be one, because that's the whole thing with witches right? They see vampires as unnatural, not belonging, and now she's completely cut off from magic and the spirits, which she'd only just reconnected with, along with her daughter.

Now Bonnie's perspective, she's mad her mother started a whole new life without her, and that's completely understandable. It hurts. She's dealt with the passing of her grandmother, and is obviously still grieving that (because you don't ever just stop). So then she finally sort of finds common ground with her mother, and then she betrays her by poisoning her and turning her over to the originals, to save this other guy, who is not her biological child. That's really terrible. Then she has to put that aside to do the spell, come to some sort of acceptance, and then, Damon, a character who has been terrorizing them for 3 seasons now, kills her, after being the reason her gramms is dead, and has tried to kill Bonnie before, forcibly turns her mother. Now, from where I'm sitting, it never made sense Gramms died for those white ass vampires. But it makes even LESS sense, that Bonnie let Damon live long enough to turn around and kill her mother, once again, something destructive he does in Elena's name. If I'm looking at it through Bonnie's perspective, I'd be really fucking sick and tired of being put through this shit, largely by Damon, while everyone stands around wringing their hands and watching.

So that brings me right back around, to our understanding of the show as viewers. The context is exactly that, context. It informs our understandings of scenes we see in the show, and like I said before, you cannot divorce the context from the moment and try to argue it. It's manipulation, intentional or not, and it's nor discussing in good faith. You HAVE to consider the context that Bonnie is deeply mistreated and Abby's character arc is another arm of that mistreatment, and I think the question that must be asked at this point, is why do you need to divorce the context from this moment to understand it or engage with it? Why does it have to live outside of Bonnie's treatment as a character? What is gained by doing that?

[collage-tls]

蓮花空行身染愛 // The Lotus Dakini’s Stained Love

welcome to my twisted annotated lian-hue lyric translation. unfortunately there is a reason ppl post internet essays on interpretations of this song. i did my utmost to make a clarifying translation where i could, but ultimately the original lyrics are simply very convoluted and metaphor-packed, and i didnt want to twist them to the point of overly-imposing my own interpretation. should u desire to "know what this song is about," there is a summary of my research (synthesis of fan interpretations, things the artists have said about it, looking up the key religious references, and, of course, my own reading of the lyrics) @ the end. annotations interspersed between stanzas. expand at your own risk. do listen to the song either way tho its a banger

「由本自性清淨故，令諸愛染悉無垢」 (1) because of our own pure nature, all love-stains are rendered unblemished

(1) my own understanding of this quote is that since our essential/original nature is pure, even impure things like excessive attachment/desire are also ultimately pure in their own sense as part of the natural world/human experience…? thus complicating a term which seems to often carry negative connotations. love is love. if you will.

om Gu-lu-gu-lie chu-li so-ha om Gu-lu-gu-lie chu-li so-ha (2)

(2) the essential mantra of Kurukulla (transliterated to chinese as 咕嚕咕列Gulugulie)

又閣是彼个 無代無誌想著的形影  there it is again, that uninvited silhouette 親像一陣風 吹落來 是春風少年(3) it's funny how carefree young men blow past you just like a gust of wind 坐嘛是思念(4) 坐袂牢 真無聊的思念 in moments of stillness my thoughts turn to you, this same old restless longing 倒咧眠床頂 予月娘 笑規个暗暝 i lay in bed and watch the moon laugh through the night

(3)  this line gave me endless grief and is still subject to edit tbh. lit. "just like a gust of wind blowing by is spring breeze young man." after much deliberation, i decided that 少年, meaning either young man or youth, most likely means young man here and the overall phrase w/ "spring breeze" is referencing a particular image of male youth and its fleeting nature and impact on the women around them in this moment where our female narrator is recalling the memories of a lost love in her life. so. that is what i was aiming to capture (4) lit. to sit is to long [for you], which is imagery i quite like but maps awkwardly to english phrasing esp w the rest of the line.

我行過你的世界(5) i have walked through your world 啥物我攏無愛 there's nothing there i want 只想欲佇你心內（寫一條歌）   i just want to be in your heart (to write a song)

(5) this line has the first actual pronoun uses of “i”(我) and “you”(你) in the original lyrics (chinese languages are prone to subject-drop, but it feels like an interesting artistic choice as well)

車行過𪜶的期待 your train has run past their expectations 這站閣無落來  it still hasn’t reached this station 無想欲對誰交代（心內驚驚）  i don’t want to explain myself to anyone (the fear in my heart)

想起我彼暗小可仔(6)歹勢(7) i recall the shame i felt that night 予你揣著我  you found me, 規身軀藏無好勢的委屈 my whole body composed of exposed grievances

(6)  小可仔；a little bit/slightly. could not figure out a way to work that in naturally, sry. (7) 歹勢；to my understanding, this word carries connotations of both shyness & embarrassment/shame. the only english word i can think of that somewhat comparably includes both of those is abashment, which no one has heard anyone use ever. so i picked the one that resonated more w my personal interpretation.

風中的飛龍咧吼  a dragon cries in the wind 聲 聲予天搖地動  the sound shakes the heavens and the earth 愛你的傳說寫佇頂懸  the legend of my love for you is written up above 感情紲來愈飛愈懸  emotions rise the higher it flies

花 開佇你蹛的樓(8) flowers bloom where you reside 想 當時欲綴你走 i wonder what could have been if I’d gone with you then 多情的雨崁著目睭  a downpour of emotions obscures my view 你的代誌(9)講袂清楚 and my understanding of you blurs

(8) note the Hua(花)  Manlou(樓) pun here w/ the first & last character. unsure if intentional. lol. see notes on song inspirations for context. (9) more headaches. the mandarin word 事情(shìqíng), which seems to be the universal tl of the taiwanese word 代誌, does not map super easily onto any 1 english word. the general definition is matter/affair/business, but it is often used in contexts where actually using any of those words in an english tl would sound super out of place. like this one. most literal tl i can think of is your actions/situation/circumstance/affairs are not clearly explained. went with ‘my understanding of you blurs’ to go with the line b4 it, since my understanding of the lines’ collective meaning is something along the lines of like. ive been so blinded by my feelings for you that ive lost sight of who you really are/wonder if i ever knew you at all

看你行過千山萬水  i have watched you cross a thousand mountains, ten thousand rivers 手內薔薇微微仔芳 the fragrance of the rose you hold seeps into the air 行踏輕鬆跤步的我 (恬恬佇遮攏無出聲)  i tread through life lightly (staying here quietly, noiselessly, still)

日子過一工閣一工  day after day goes by 你的一切攏猶未放  you still have not let anything go 越頭欲揣過去的我  i turn back to search for a former version of myself 煞來袂記家己的名 and find I have forgotten my own name

(拆開你的 [心肝內底] tearing open your [heart] 會看著 暗淡的愛 i can see our hopeless love) (10)

(10)  this interlude section features 2 abbreviated lines from another collage song, 《這該死的拘執佮愛》(this damn unyielding love)   the full two lines are 「是按怎拆開你的 心肝內底 / 會看著 暗淡的愛流成水/血」（tl: Why do I tear open your heart? I can see our hopeless love flowing like water/blood)—parts used in this song have been bolded. since it only says "tear open your... i can see our hopeless love" in this song, i decided to add minimal context and complete the first clause

是我欲陪你流浪  i am willing to accompany you as you wander 長路終點滿天花雨 (11) at the end of this long road lies a sky full of petals and rain 雺霧內底戇神 in the mist your expression looks dazed 千年流轉你的世界 (12) a thousand years pass in your eyes

(11) reference to buddhist verse cited in background section of extended notes (12)  lit. a thousand/thousands of years flow through/in your world

自作多情的人  unrequited lovers 眼前地獄家己揀的  reside in a hell of their own making 天上 地下 人間   heaven, hell, and the land of the living 四方妖孽請恁退下 (13) demons from all realms, i beg you to withdraw

(14) this and the prev line are definitely a make of it what you will set of lines. i did my best to help comrades, now it's up to you. will add comments on realms imagery wrt fictional characters used as inspiration eventually but u are currently reading first iteration of this post.

這繁華世間 in this flourishing world 眾生有情人  all living things have lovers 有情生煩惱（甘願受罪）  to be in love brings troubles (willingness to suffer) 心狂閣火著  anger burns 明知會艱苦   i'm fully aware of the hardships ahead 千錯萬錯 （攏佮你無關）  countless mistakes (none concerning you)

NOTES:

1) KEY BACKGROUND. imo what follows is the most important piece of context, & everything after is more optional set dressing: in his initial lengthy instagram post around the song’s release, hunter shared that the primary inspiration for the song was the story of Guo Xiang, a side character in Jin Yong’s 1950s-60s wuxia series The Condor Trilogy, known for the unrequited love she harbors for the story’s protagonist.

(he also explains that this character’s story came to mind after a chance encounter with a particular verse from the Kṣitigarbhasūtra: 《南方世界湧香雲，香雨香雲及花雨》, which you can see references to w/in the song [11])

he mentions additional inspiration from the Eileen Chang novella protagonist Ge Weilong + a secondary character from Gu Long’s Legend of Lu Xiaofeng, Hua Manlou [8]. Chang’s novella tells the story of a young girl’s loss of innocence and faith in love, and i am sorry to admit the hua manlou one defeated me i honestly still cannot tell how he fits into the themes here lol. sorry.

i think knowing this does rly help create a cohesive narrative throughout the song and situates it/the many metaphors w/in it as part of an exploration of the internal world of the narrator through the experience of unrequited/lost love.

2) RELIGIOUS IMAGERY. firstly, a deconstruction of the title & intro, 蓮花空行身染愛 (The Lotus Dakini’s Stained Love) : 

蓮花空行，lit. Lotus Dakini, refers to Kurukulla, a dakini belonging to the lotus family in buddhist mythology. the song opens on her essential mantra. (the om gu lu gu lie chant [2])

i understood 身 here to be serving as a possessive (oneself/one’s own), hence the ’s. however, on its own it means body.

lastly, 染愛，lit. stained love, composed of 染(to dye, stain, contaminate) and 愛(love); these characters are a reverse of the traditional buddhist concept of 愛染, as seen in the scripture quote relating to kurukulla that serves as an epitaph to the posted lyrics 「由本自性清淨故，令諸愛染悉無垢」 [1]

i could not find any evidence of an english tl/explanation of this term, so to my (limited!!) understanding, 愛染 (lit. love-stain) refers generally negatively to a concept of excessive attachment to things or people, with underlying—though not exclusive—associations w romantic/lustful attachment due to the characters used. note that this is a noun; in the case of the song title, stain染 has been moved to the position of adjective modifying love愛. do with that what you will.

[chimericchaos]

This is absolutely true but i do feel it in all areas, whether it is writing or drawing or anything creative, we tend to judge and predetermine our work by others' abilities and what else is in the field/market/economy/space. This is why you shouldnt compare your work to others and just let your brain do what it wants.

But also no. Honey you do not need to have really any thought when writing. If all drawing is putting lines on a page, then all writing is putting imagined scenarios into words. You dont need to really think about it, at least not at first. Write whatever silly thing you feel like writing down and if you feel like it needs more, then add more layers to it. My example, i started my wip in grade 7. I had no clue what a "theme" was then, or how to "create tension" or "flow" in the lines. I didnt care. Heres this one guy, he can shoot lazerbeams like goku. He can fly. Yeah no one knows how it works it just does.

But as time went on and i finished and refinished and refinished planning out the bare bones of the series, i started adding little bits that just *made sense*. Yes his hero friend is also now a tragic love interest. He can also see throughout all of space and time. Yes he did know that the hero would die *and in fact he knew but still chose to love anyway*. Yes he wrote a song lamenting hero's death before hero was even born because he has been around for aeons.

And oh yes, the hero who died, he didnt. And also he did, but didnt. You see, it was an evil clone of him that fused with the other three of the four horsemen of apocalypse, who blackened his name while he was being held captive in a stasis chamber by the evil corporation. But actually no he also did die, because his Self, his consciousness, died and manifested in the collective unconscious which is an alternate plane of reality that has a sea of blood that is a metaphor for war and all the conflict that occurred since the First Kalpa. There hero manifests in the blood sea and he swims to what he thinks is God but is actually a giant golden tree that "pushed away the Nothing" and therefore keeps the sun-moon from crashing into the collective unconscious. Thanatos shows up and is absolutely puzzled why hero has manifested here and not in the underworld, a sub-plane of the collective unconscious, because the blood sea only really manifests gods. This is but a small taste of the horror that is to come.

And the magic system wasnt a thing when i started. You recall he shooted lazer beams. Blue lazerbeams. It was just like that. There was no rhyme or reason to it, no elemental magic sytem. But now it turns out that there is. Its a weird elemental-colour-emotion magic system that has about 16 different schools of magic that originated in the collective unconscious with the coloured waters that create everything there is. Blue is the colour of water, of sadness, of knowledge. He has gained and wielded knowledge as a weapon since his first fight, and now his powers reflect that. But that also connects to the fact that he is The Oracle, or at least contains the spirit of her, because multiple gods/concepts/ideologies can be born into a single body, and YES this Oracle is aware that the real hero consciousness died and was replaced with a 2-dimensional hero of Order, and she does try to alert the rest of the team to this. And the love interest knows this too, he always has.

Anyway long story short, what was a funny little doodle on my brain has become a way-too-complicated story about What It Means To Live. And fuck capitalism. So yeah the point is dont worry about what things are now. Everything grows with time, and if you find yourself coming back to this little doodle you can add layers onto it until it becomes something. Start with little notes and a summary. Come back to it later. Sketch a few lines of dialogue, however cringe it may sound at first, youll fix it up later.

You dont have to have the intent to write a story that changes the world. If you choose to keep coming back to it, or if it knaws in your brain enough, eventually it will become that, and you probably wont realize it has until you read over it a few times. Like magic.

Sucks that with art I feel like I can just get silly with it and it'll be fine if I'm messy. I just draw silly little guys and its fine... but if I try to even go near writing- or heaven forbid poetry, I feel like It needs to be thought out 3 years in advance with atleast 4 motifs related to the bakers of the byzantine empire and the syllabic structure of an enlightened Hamlet.

Can poetry just feel fun and silly?? And not make me feel like I have to change the world within 17 syllables????

[familyagrestefanblog]

Theory for “Gabriel Agreste”

Saying that I'm EXCITED for this episode is an understatement, I'm THRILLED! So let me give you my speculation for what could happen in it and how it’ll affect the future, because pieces are literally just falling into place in my brain and I just have to write this down.

The episode is called" Gabriel agreste" because in this episode Gabriel will create a (long time) Sentimonster for himself that'll take his place and cover for him in his civilian life while he himself gets completely swallowed by his Hawkmoth/ShadowMoth identity (which is a direct paralell to the fate Marinette just escaped by telling Alya her secret). He doesn't want to "waste" anymore unnecessary time by having to NOT be Hawkmoth, which then completely separates him from Adrien who very much was one of the last (if not THE LAST at this point) few strings that kept him grounded in his humanity.

The episode takes place right before the middle of the season and since it's season 4 we are talking about here its fair to assume that both Adrien and Gabriel are back at (at least) suspecting each other to be Chat Noir and Hawkmoth again at some point. Adrien is going to be even more rebellious after the status quo break and set up of "Lies" so him maybe (or maybe even confirmed already to Gabriel) to be Chat Noir could definitely be the factor that sets Gabriel over the edge, rips these two apart for good (as I foresaw in my analysis of "Jackady") and brings Gabriel to distance himself altogether while covering his own identity from his son by creating a Sentimonster (bc Adriens secret being discovered by his evil family is already forshadowed to hell and back, just like him ending up getting Homeschooled again this season, mark my words)

---

"Queen Banana" is supposed to take place right before "Gabriel Agreste" and we have a leak where it's seen that Adrien is now kinda taking on Nathalies role since she is (supposedly) still bed ridden.

Seriously, just humour me here and stay with me. This would mean that Adrien would get to see and interact with his father much more often and Gabriel wouldn't be able to ditch everything and turn into Hawkmoth as easily as he was able to with Nathalie.

A cover up Sentimonster was actually already kinda forshadowed in "Party Crasher"

by introducing HoloGabe with the intention of providing Gabriel with alibis and to attend meetings etc for him in the future so Gabriel can invest more time into being Hawkmoth. But a Hologramm is not suitable for every occasion, which is where the Sentimonster comes into play.

At first Adrien wouldn't notice much off about his father and the few things he notices Adrien actually doesnt mind. If SentiGabe is really supposed to replace Gabriel as... Well, Gabriel, that also means as a FATHER and my money is on SentiGabe being created to be a better father than the original. SentiGabe does everything Adrien wanted his father to do in s1-s3: Join Adrien at dinner time, spend more time with him, is in general in better of a mood and not such an unpleasant dick and so on and so on.

Easy to say, Adrien basically welcomes the good change he always wanted in his "Father" with open arms and chooses to ignore things that seem suspicious and the always remaining gut feeling of something just being... off. This will collide with the unveiling of more of the family (+ Emilie) mystery which will for Adrien all continue to point at Gabriel as Hawkmoth because of one event that is likely to happen in episode 4.

I'm currently writing on yet another post about this topic in particular, so I will link it HERE for elaboration once I post it, but in short, I think Rena Rouge and the Grimoire secrets Marinette shears with Alya could be the catalyst of Adrien suspecting his father to be Hawkmoth again.

Adriens memories of the time he went through the Grimoire himself in "Volpina" would be triggered again after seing the Grimoire page Rena (honestly, quite recklessly) brings along into battle and from then on things will slowly pile up until Gabriel deflects from himself with SentiGabe in "Gabriel Agreste" (just like he did in “The Collector”)

People WAY to easily forget how ready and serious Adrien was in "The Collector" when he actually concidered his father to be Hawkmoth.

Keep in mind that Ladybug was only able to tell Chat Noir the weakest reasons of her suspicion against Gabriel (while the Grimoire being Guardian property was NEVER found out by Adrien... til NOW) that being Gabriels mysterious personality and the butterfly logo of his brand.

These arguments are weak because they are ONLY actually suspicious in the specific context of Gabriel being Hawkmoth. Once you have proof against that they hardly hold any ground anymore, hence why both Adrien AND Marinette so easily brushed off these points after seeing Gabriel akumatized. I mean, excuse a designer for choosing a BUTTERFLY as his logo when his last name is literally the name of a butterfly type. The fuck kind of accusation is that??

So I hope you understand that when I say that, yes, these reasons DID trigger further memories/realizations for Adrien in that moment

It simply was only the tip of the iceberg.

The fact that Adrien not only gave Ladybug the fucking benefit of a doubt and heared her out about accusing his FATHER of being HAWKMOTH and took it THAT seriously and wanted to find out if his father truly IS Hawkmoth means that Adrien very much sees his father as capable of being Paris villain Nr 1. This... understanding and acceptance of Gabriels nature already had to be in Adrien much prior to "the collector" to set it off like this. And while normally Adrien chooses to turn a blind eye towards his fathers bad qualities in favor of seeing Gabriels redeeming (and even the rare somewhat GOOD) qualities, Adrien only does so because he thinks Gabriel hasn't crossed the line yet that makes his father undeserving of these loving conciderations. But Gabriel being Hawkmoth IS CROSSING that line for Adrien and he immediately sets aside his remaining/choosen love for his heavily flawed father and willingly sees Gabriel for what he is.

Adrien already did it once with only a few somewhat solid reasons and the Grimoire being kept secret from him altogether,

So he will do it again, just this time the proofs and developments are supposed to stay for good.

---

This development would not only be forshadowed by "the collector"

But also by the episode "Ladybug". There Mayura used a Sentimonster version of Ladybug against Chat Noir, using their love against him. What she didn't know though was that Ladybug actually isn't in love with her partner (yet) which ended up with Chat Noir being put in the situation of having to decide which Ladybug he believes to be real.

Does he believe and hold onto Sentibug who returns the love he so desperately seeks in life or does he let go of his hopeful wish and accept the heartbreaking reality of once again not receiving his love in return from yet another person he holds so dear?

In "Ladybug" Adrien couldn't make that crushing decision yet (and don't clown in the replies about this, not only was the situation vastly different it's also a cruel thing to ask of Adrien) but as we are used from Miraculous by now, that episode was only the set up for future events.

What Adrien couldn't let himself believe about Ladybug and Sentibug he will have to FORCE himself to accept about his Father and Hawkmoth. Same set-up of the Sentimonster symbolising Adriens desperate and hopeful WISH what his loved one were vs the crushing, heart wrenching reality of what his loved ones actually ARE. Just that letting go of his wish for Ladybugs love didnt seem "necessary enough" for the mission to succeed so he just couldn't MAKE himself give her up whereas accepting and seeing that his father is Hawkmoth is going to be one of the most crucial sacrifices of the show, changing the game forever. So as horrible, cruel and soul shattering as this is, putting an end to his fathers villainous reign for the sake of the greater good is a reason worthy enough to force himself through his pain.Which brings us once again back to “The collector” (which seriously forshadows almost everything I love that episode), because there is ONE major aspect that episodes sets up like crazy

And that is:

And thats where we are heading now.

This entire time Adrien wanted his Father to behave more fatherly, spend more time with him and improve his explosive behavior but he always got disappointed over and over again. So how heartbreaking would it be if over the course of the second half of the season THIS would be the very reason why Adrien gets behind Gabriels secret? Because SentiGabe behaved too fatherly for Adrien to truly buy it in his heart and when forced to decide what he actually believes his father to be - like the fatherly Sentimonster or the villainous Hawkmoth - Adrien has to and WILL recognize and accept his fathers true nature and turn against him, as it has been set up for a LONG time now.

This season shit’s about to go DOWN!

[thisbisexualbrainrot]

Alright clowns, here are my thoughts on 15x20. This is all just hopeful speculation but even my straight male friends think Cas will be back based on my points here.They never considered Destiel before episode 18 and now they see it. 

Reasons I think Cas will be back: 

- The title card for the season is the empty goo, not anything to do with chuck??? thats just weird. Could episode 20 focus on the empty? What else could it focus on now? WHY IS THE TITLE CARD EMPTY GOO? 

- The whole “chuck ending” vs “free will ending” theory is BRILLIANT and I LOVE IT. If you are unaware of this theory, basically people think 19 was chucks shitty cliche ending and we will get the real ending in 20. It makes so much sense because...

- no ones relationships got resolved in the 19th episode. Where is Eileen? why doesnt Sam seem to care??? why didnt Jack bring his DAD back when he became god? He loves Cas, he wouldnt just leave him in the empty to relive his worst memories over and over. Why didnt dean ASK Jack when he asked Chuck earlier in the episode? Its all just really weird. Plus at the end of the montage they shut the impala trunk which has ALWAYS indicated “we have work to do” like “this isnt over yet”. Its never symbolized the end. That would make no sense to use if it was the real ending. 

- Jensen did not say Cas was dead in his panel, in fact he didnt talk about it at all. True the questions were filtered but WHY unless Cas was a character he couldnt talk about???? I think if Cas was really gone Jensen would say so outright and talk about how much he loved working with Misha. Weird. Plus when asked Misha was like “Im not telling you if Cas is in the finale” WHY if Misha already said Cas is gone would he not say “no Im not in the finale that was it for Cas”? Other actors have said they are done outright, why not Misha? 

-Jensen said he KNOWS how much Destiel means to people and he and Misha traded fan react videos to 18 and Jensen left it open to interpretation in 18. He said Dean was procesing what was happening just like we thought, he didnt say Dean doesnt reciprocate. BUT Even if Misha isnt back in the last episode I dont think Jensen would ever agree to have Dean say he doesnt love him back romantically. He knows it would hurt us. 

-Jensen had to talk to Kripke about the ending. Kripke wrote Dean as this straight playboy initially so this would line up perfectly. And Kripke told him he was too close to it and to step back and look at it from a fan perspective. Interesting because...fans love Cas. Fans love Dean and Cas together. So obviously fans dont want Cas to stay in the empty right? Even if they dont explicitly make this full canon, they could imply it and maybe thats what Jensen needed to wrap his head around for a minute? He said he gets the ending now. But he said Kripke had to break it down for him before he got it. Maybe Kripke was like the shows evolved since 2005 and thats not a bad thing and its fine if thats the direction its gone?? It’s just INTERESTING that he had to talk to the shows creator about the end. 

- The confession scene was the FIRST SCENE they wrote for Season 15. Weird. Odd if it wasnt going to be a huge focal point of the season. Why write that first? I went to film school (not that I work in the industry now but I still studied this shit) and thats WEIRD to do for a first scene if its not super important to the season arc. 

- You cant discount all the build up throughout the show. Even if it wasnt their original intention, the comparisons of Dean and Cas to Cain and his love interest were a HUGE turning point. Exact parallel of “she asked me to stop” flash foward to Cas literally asking Dean to stop. Just...wow. Obvious much? They know all this from fans now and are like wow we really laid some groundwork here didnt we? Why do you think they gave us that confession? If they didnt realize all the groundwork laid they wouldnt have done it because it would have felt out of nowhere. Clearly they didnt think it felt out of nowhere. Clearly Dean’s happiness depends on Castiel being there. As a friend, as a lover, WHATEVER it might be, Dean needs Cas to be happy. Period. 

- Andrew Dabb created the Empty. Andrew Dabb loves Cas as a character. Andrew Dabb is writing the last episode. How INTERESTING.

I could just be clowning but all of this is just so weird that I think we are onto something here people. Jensen said 20 is going to be BIG. HOW COULD IT BE BIG UNLESS THEY ARE HIDING HUGE PLOT POINTS FROM US? 

PS why hasnt Dean had a serious female love interest since season 5/6?

[holographqq]

could I ask for some hcs for josuke, okuyasu, rohan and kakyoin (sorry if it's too many! even one of them would be great) where they find an unnamed disc in their bag and when they play it turns out it contains a love song their crush wrote and performed for them! how would they react?

OH WOWOWOW THATS SO COOL

for times sake (and writing practice😔) i'll be doing rohan since i've never written him before!! the crush will be gender neutral :DDD

||

ROHAN KISHIBE finds an odd disc in his Gucci bag . . .

I feel like if i had written this as a fic, i'd have made the crush good friends or even (business) partners with Akira!!!

the two would be on tour together in one way or another, and the last location would be somewhere like Tokyo.

afterward, they decided to rest in the Morioh Grand Hotel, a hotel in a small town nearby. (akira wanted to do this since he missed his home bro cmon,,)

they met rohan at a cafe on her first day there.

ohh boy it was all over from there-

rohan made sure to exchange numbers and give them his address the very first day.

"Please, drop by and have some tea. I'd love the company."

his original intention? he was gonna pull a classic Rohan Kishibe Goof and use their pages for personal gain.

however, the day they actually did stop by for tea, he realized how much he enjoyed them being around

of course, this usually wouldn't stop him (i mean, look at what happened to koichi)

but he somehow reasoned with himself it would be better to just,,,, experience them himself, not just read through their life experiences

they were everything in his eyes. they had personality, they knew how to be respectful, and they were so, so very charming.

needless to say that as the days went by, he found himself thinking about them more and more.

he had developed a crush.

he didn't think he could stoop so low as to participate in such childish things, but life is always full of surprises.

he was,, kind of embarrassed, really.

it's kind of funny, tbh

the great rohan kishibe, brimming with narcissistic confidence every waking second of the day, couldn't quite get a hold of his feelings for once.

he was never one to cry, especially around people

but it was a bit difficult to say goodbye at the airport after two weeks with a crush who had made him experience the one emotion that he had never thought he would have to endure

heartbreak.

he parted from them with a hug and a somber 'goodbye', unsure if he would ever get to see them again

that thought felt like a spear through the lung as he trudged back to his car

he sat down at the wheel and just,, allowed himself to feel

no one was around to see him, he didn't know anyone at the airport, and so he sat in his driver seat and worked through his emotions

he was angry, he was depressed, he was anxious

a single tear shed from his eye

he reached into his bag, resting in the passenger seat she had been in no less that 15 minutes ago

he didnt feel the napkin, but he felt a small case.

confused, he pulled it out. it was plain black and had no discernable texture to it

it looked like a single-slot cd case.

he opened it up and saw an unlabeled disc inside

he knows for a fact that he wasn't the one who put it in there.

he cautiously opened the cd player in his car and inserted the disc

the song started slow, a rather quiet, repeating riff on an electric guitar (think of Drown - Smashing Pumpkins)

the lyrics began about 20 seconds into the unnamed track and rohan stared with wide eyes at the cd player.

that was their voice.

this song... it was about him.

the lyrics, they all lined up.

a small grin fell onto his lips as the short tune played.

how did they find the time to do this? the thought of them playing electric guitar in a hotel bathroom made him chuckle.

they had an odd way of cheering him up, even when they weren't there.

maybe parting wouldn't be so hard with this reminder for him to keep.

[ccelinewritess]

the distance between us

pairing- draco malfoy x reader

word count- 9.7k

summary- the first time draco uses the muggle post system, it goes so terribly wrong, and a letter falls into the hands of a girl who was never supposed to see it, a muggle at that.

warnings- curse words, ptsd, anxiety/ panic attacks, depression mention of death, murder, blood and burns aswell as insomia, seperation anxiety (?) and my grammar.if these may trigger you, i suggested not reading.

a/n- this took me a while to get out, sry abt that. the reader was set to live in a canadian town called kelowna, british columbia. it takes place in readers grade 11/12 and dracos 6/7 year. i hope it’s not to self inserted, and you guys can enjoy and relate to it. big thank you to @dracodear for the help on this, love you! also thanks to everyone who left owl name suggestions, all were awesome and i ended up going with @winnsmills suggestion ‘noctua’ ! tumblrs been acting weird, so i hope it lets me post the whole thing. letters are in italics. also please note, this is off the movies timeline! i tried to fit in as many details as possible but some didn’t make it.

-

the town was widespread. wineries and mountains everywhere, the okanagan lake splitting it down the middle, reconnecting the cities halves by a bridge. little snow and tons of rain. jeep wranglers in every colour roaring around into unholy hours of the night, bustling with life yet all to lonely at times. but hey, that’s kelowna for you.

rain was running down the windows of y/ns most boring class, last period biology. she knew she should be paying attention. she had a high gpa to maintain, and couldn’t afford to fail another class besides french. the last five minutes of blabbering ended after what felt like a year.

‘you are dismissed, ill see you all monday, have a good weekend’ and with that everyone rose, heading to the parking lot as fast as possible in an attemp to dodge traffic. despite pouring rain, the air was hot, and on the ride home y/ns mind raced over every single assignment she had to complete over the next two days, while her hands tapped the steering wheel.

‘english essay, math review, history paper, business management graph’ she muttered under her breath. the town was busy, many students often blew off class to go shopping, or hit a movie, or smoke weed, the possibilities were endless. her house was cool compared to outside, and empty. no one was home, not that it was a surprise to the girl, people weren’t usually home, siblings gone to university, and parents working absurd amounts.

something caught her eye on the counter, an envelope, an ordinary seeming one, but absolutely covered in small pictured stamps with ‘england’ underneath each one. eighteen of them, all different. she knew shouldn’t open it, so she didn’t. at first. but it was irresistible. there was a return address written in the smallest writing she’d ever seen. wogshell, no, wiltshire? she took it to her room, and locked the door before ripping it open. she didn’t want the one time she had something intresting going on to be interrupted by whoever might show up.

her mouth fell open at every line of the same scroll. who was snape? why was this draco boy sending him a letter? he didn’t need his help to kill who? what the fuck was an unbreakable vow and why shouldn’t snape sign it? why was his mum going to see snape? who was the dark lord and why did he pick draco for a task? what kind of name is dumbledore?

what she already knew was confirmed- this letter was most definetly not for her. but newly- she opened a letter from a potential murderer or maybe it was a prank, a sick prank if it was one.

so instead she crafted up quite the response, whoever wrote this was either hysterical or in distress, and needed some sort of company- she thought, atleast.

-

it had been thirteen days, why wasn’t the letter back yet? the owl still couldn’t fly even about the house without damaging itself further. maybe using the muggle post system was a mistake. but better have it land into the hands of a muggle, who would likely throw it out, than a wizard who would know a death eater would soon be wondering around hogwarts.

as if on que, the door bell rang and echoed through the empty manor. on the porch sat an envelope, with only one stamp, his name in the middle and another he didn’t recognize in the corner. shit, this couldn’t be good. his eye caught the stamp. canada? fuck, this was supposed to go to cokeworth not bloody canada. no one was home so he opened it right there in the foyer.

hello, draco.

i am not snape- nor do i know who snape is. i am also very unfimilar with some of the vocabulary you used. dark lord? unbreakable vow? you seem to have quite the situation going on, if i read correctly. im not exactly stupid, but i do know that this letter was most definitely not supposed to be in my possession. i didn’t know who to send it to, id send it back to you, but you probably don’t want a copy of your own letter. i also know you likely have enough on your plate, but if you’d like someone to talk to im only half a world away, have no sort of schedule and am a good listener, well reader in this case. good luck with whatever task you’ve mentioned. p.s. you had about seventeen stamps to many, first time sending a letter? unfortunate fate, huh ? what kind of name is snape and what the heck is a dumbledore? i suppose it’s none of my business, knowing you likely won’t respond, but if you do i wrote my address on the front. have a good day/ night/ whatever time it is wherever you are.

y/n l/n

tears were welling in dracos eyes, he was floored, in a good and bad way. his task was already going downhill. the letter he sent snape had fallen into the hands of a muggle, who did not throw the letter away, but responded. and snape was likely going to bine himself into the task through the unbreakable vow, which draco was more than able to complete. he wouldn’t have been chosen if he wasn’t, right?

not only had she responded, she offered him help, well distant company, to a stranger who obviously had quite a few problems and she clearly had no regard for her own safety. he couldn’t tell her about the wizarding world. not that he could tell her about anything, she could be lying. he had a task to focus on, he couldn’t write her back.

and that was true- at the time. he had no intent of writing the girl back. and yet he found himself reading the 201 words over and over, running his hands across the paper, expecting them to fade away as he wiped. counting and recounting. he surely couldn’t talk to any of the twats at hogwarts, maybe a stranger could help numb the pain. and as long as he didn’t tell anyone- she couldn’t get hurt, she was to far.

draco was packed for hogwarts, the response at the bottom of the trunk, underneath his clothes. he’d just have to get to the damn school, then he could write all he wanted- without his parents knowledge or ridicule. his mind jumbled together what he was going to say while his friends rambled on. the train pulled up to the castle after dreadful hours and he could barely sit still during the opening feast. his thoughts did falter though, when dumbledore gave his speech, he felt guilty- the shame of his family weighing on his shoulders. he looked around, all his classmates staring in adoration at a man who would be dead ten months from now, and they were sitting in the same room as his killer.

the singular room was nice, he knew it wasn’t for lounge, but for plots of death.

before he began he started making promises to himself. if i get behind on the plan ill won’t write, if snape notices anything about it, ill stop. the list went on and on.

he couldn’t put his pen down, the words continued to fly out the end, was he oversharing?

dear y/n

my deepest apologies that my last letter found it’s way to you. im sure you didn’t expect whatever you may have perceived from it. honestly, i don’t know how it arrived all the way over there. im almost positive you have better things to do than listen to my problems, and i know you had no control over the fact it arrived, but i ask you to please not share this information with anyone. i am unsure if i will take up your offer of amity, if you were serious that is. im at school now, so if you’d like to respond, not that you have to- you can send letters back with my owl, it’ll be faster (and i won’t have to worry about stamps- thanks for the tip by the way)

draco malfoy 

and with that noctua was off into the night, and he could only hope that it would make it to her.

-

droll was running down y/ns chin and she was caught in a dream. suddenly a vigorous tapping on the window pulled her into consciousness, the sight of owl knocking her backwards in a scare. a crash sounded, if the tapping didn’t wake anyone up, that surely did. she almost considered just trying to ignore it, until she noticed a letter tied to its neck and reluctantly opened the window. she’d never seen an owl in real life before, but was aware from school that they weren’t exactly the kindest of creatures. this one just perched on the window while she removed the new enevelope, no stamps in sight. just a neatly printed address, and his in the corner.

from the new letter she learned even more- this wasn’t a prank, draco was a real person, was still in school, and whatever the first misplaced letter contained was true. he had some sort of task and didnt want help, but that was all. so with what she could, she wrote another response. it took an hour and she wasn’t exactly sure what she had written by mid morning.

draco

you’d be quite suprised actually, it gets lonely over here. i still haven’t exactly deciphered your original note, so if you would like to help me understand i think i’d be ready. and no worries about me, my lips are sealed. what is an unbreakable vow, im curious? you go to boarding school? and owls, really? what the hell is up with that? im pretty sure it’s illegal to own one here, but we are countries away, so perhaps it’s different all the way over there. send whatever you want. i do not- by the way- have anything better to do in the slightest.

y/n

-

he continued to write throughout the month of september, which bled into october before he knew it. he was avoiding questions about the task, just wanting someone to talk to. it wasn’t easy, she was curious, which draco couldn’t exactly be mad at her for that since he continued to write her, accepting the distant friendship that was forming.

he was learning a lot about her aswell. besides french, which he informed her he spoke fluently numerous times, she was a very good student. she was single, he didn’t remember how that came up but made a note in his mind- he couldn’t date her, nor did he know enough about her to be properly involved.

she read a lot of books, sappy romances mostly, couldn’t cook anything deemed edible by anyone, and her favourite colour was green, he smirked when reading that for the first time. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her future, just not a doctor like her parents wanted.

-

y/n was sitting in english as her teacher reviewed about univeristy application requirements. only next year they would be getting accepted and denied from their dream schools. she’d spent years dreaming of it, university, and yet somehow a boy half way around the was racing through her mind. she felt horrible about it, the small crush. it was incredibly selfish, falling for a boy with so much going on, he certainly didn’t need her as anything more than a friend to talk to, but he was good with his words, and making her feel important too. her dismissal came and so did a classmate, approaching confident and cocky.

‘hey, l/n’ he said, a smirk on his face

‘oh, uh hey, will’

‘what are doing tonight?’ her mind went blank, any excuse, come on, say something

‘i have plans’ wow real specific, great job, y/n

‘like what’

‘fish funeral, real important stuff, my family is just devastated’ her voice was clearly sarcastic and that was all before she walked right out. no she didn’t exactly have plans, but waiting for dracos owl provided much more company than any date could have. the sight of dracos owl flying towards the pre-opened window was somewhat relieving, she didn’t know why, just the fact that he had not failed yet, and was still out there was nice. she hadn’t had this much company. since last year at least, when her supposed best friend started ghosting her because of some petty shit.

thankfully noctua ad gotten quite good at being discreet when delivering the letters. of all the things on y/ns junior year bucket list, explaining to her parents that she had befriended a british boy with an owl who flyed into her room while her neighbours had a clear view, wasn’t one. she also began keeping a bowl of water under her bed for the owl to drink when it arrived, knowing it couldn’t have been easy travelling back and forth.

y/n

im not fully sure you want to know the depth, yet you seem to want me to corrupt you with my villain with a task baggage. i suppose it couldn’t hurt if i told you about the unbreakable vow. it’s like a promise or a bond, but if you break it then you die. if you can stomach that i may be able to tell you more. how far away do you reckon we are?

draco

-

draco wasn’t falling behind too far, but his first attemp had failed, and panic attacks were taking up most his time. he never had any, at least not this bad until this year. at least once a day he would start sweating, no matter how cold he was, unable to control his breathing or tears, feeling like the walls were caving in upon him.

that is, besides writing y/n as much as he could. apparently she was being honest, she had no schedule of any sort besides going to school. he hated to say, but he was becoming attached, he didn’t exactly know how either, but everytime he recieved a letter a small weight was lifted from his shoulders, even just when he read it.

noctua was doing the weekly, almost daily round at breakfast with the other owls and draco watched with anticipation as a letter dropped on his lap and owl on his shoulder. he tried to conceal the letter into his robes but pansy had taken matters into her own hands. likely jealous that she’d spent collectively around six hours with him the whole year, and he never talked to her like he used to.

‘ou draco whats this’ twirling the envelope between her hands. the letter had no name, no stamp, only a small heart drawing in the corner.

‘hands off parkinson’ he said while taking the letter back. ‘a letter from my mother, if you must know’ he said knowing that neither his mother or father had written him anything, despite having all the time to do so.

he got up and left the second he was done, not wanting to draw snapes suspicion about who could possibly be more important than working on this task.

he rushed to his room, desperate for more of her words. he tried to picture her voice in his head, but had to remind himself she wasn’t british nor was she from southern america.

draco,

so you just die if you break the promise? intresting. it’s not as hard to stomach as you seem to think, very unique tradition i suppose. you are not a villain draco, you haven’t told me much about it but your to good of a person to have picked any of this for yourself. i calculated when we you were home, seven thousand three hundred something, i don’t know where your fancy boarding school where you have owls for pets is, so it may be further. im ready whenever you are.

y/n

her letter was relieving for him aswell, even in the slightest it helped, but she deserved some sort of answer for helping him take his mind off the task for a couple minutes. he could tell if she wasn’t scared off already, this would do it.

y/n

if you are sure, here it is. dumbledore is my headmaster, the dark lord is a very powerful wizard, and snape is my professor. if i don’t kill dumbledore before july, he will kill me and my family, if i can’t complete the task, snape will kill him under terms of an unbreakable vow. im not a very good villain that’s for sure, my first attemp failed, and my classmate is out cold. i understand if you dont want to write to me anymore, just don’t tell anyone about this, please.

dm.

-

the only words to describe the feeling that overwhelmed her senses as she read were devastation and shock. tears pooled in her eyes as she tried to imagine herself with that much responsibility to wildhold until july. another detail that caught her eye, wizard? what did he mean by wizard? is that the word for dictator in england? certainly he wasn’t talking about the wizards she read about in storybooks as a child. her hand shook slightly and she debated mentioning it.

draco

you’re silly if you think i’d stop writing you. you need company now more than ever. please don’t hold things back from your letters, you deserve someone to talk to. that is quite the situation, im sorry if i pushed you, you do have enough on your shoulders and i want to help you as much as i can. i hate to ask, but you mentioned ‘wizards’ and i am a bit confused.

all my love

yn

-

initially, draco went into shock. he knew he was probably oversharing, but didn’t expect to slip up in that way. he begrudgingly admitted; knowing that if this went badly he would likely be banished from the wizarding world, which didn’t seem like such a horrible punishment to him anymore. and yet she was fascinated, by the coins he sent her, the subjects he learned- which she compared to her own much less exciting ones, and everything he told her about it. he could now talk to her about much more, since both his secrets were now out in the open to her. he told her about the about the houses, and they both agreed she would probably be in hufflepuff, well he thought so, her kind and accepting nature, and she didn’t know enough to disagree. and for the first time in the long time he was seeing things differently, completely diminishing the rude behaviour he often displayed towards the house.

she even sent him a picture, the first time he ever saw her face. a large smile spread across her beautiful features, she seemed to be laughing. eyes glistening in the sun even prettier than he could have imagined. he slept with it under his pillow, and could stare at the still image for hours. no it didn’t move around, but he couldnt care less. he only had one picture of himself in his possession and he was young, about four. she was facinated by the moving image, his blonde hair and attitude shining right through. he would owl his mother for a more recent one, but didn’t want to explain why.

the letters were helping him, but the task wasn’t advancing. his second attempt had failed, he was caught sneaking into slughorns party, and harry was onto him. they were also causing him doubt. say they did get the cabinet fixed, he couldn’t see himself killing dumbledore anymore, the more he talked to her he realized he couldn’t be a killer, as cold as he was to some people, but he had to, didnt he?

most importantly every letter she sent gave him a sense of hope. that the second this is over he could move. away from voldemort, and potter, his parents even, england in whole. perhaps not to canada, but it could be a change, half way across the world with the girl who was helping him stay alive through his letters. he just needed to stay alive long enough too see her.

the seasons changed around draco, but his room stayed the same. hot from mysterious potions, for himself and some for dumbledore, he had not had much hope after the wine, though. it was lonely, not that he’d like y/n here, he’d much rather be there, all the way across the world.

-

may came in a blur, and finals were creeping up. one week y/n sat at her desk, every night, waiting for a letter that didn’t come. on the fifth letterless day she cried. not exactly knowing why, it wasn’t her that had much of a reason to cry, but dracos company had filled her lonely life up with light of its own, leaving it darker than it was before she saw the first letter. she was silly to be so attached and silly to expect him to reciprocate the feelings she had proclaimed in the last one she sent, and should have expected him to stop eventually. so she continued on with school, finding it a bit easier to concentrate now that a draco sized whole was missing from her brain, and her heart aswell.

the next week, though, a letter came, very appreciated by y/n as the whole other universe, british boy forgetting thing wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

y/n

im sorry for not writing, the classmate i mentioned all those months ago woke from the curse, and the potter twat hexed me with a spell id never heard of before. i would have tried to contact with you but i couldn’t exactly trust what my brain was planning on writing, and the cuts are still a bit sore. the cabinets fixed, but even if everything works out okay i won’t be writing very much at all. i’ll be home in july, but the manor will be infested with death eaters and i can’t let you get hurt. thank you for everything l/n.

draco

it stung a little, knowing that the empty feeling the girl just experienced would be more frequent, he didn’t mention anything about what she had said, and that this could be the last time she ever heard from him if he didn’t kill dumbledore. in hindsight, practically telling her she loved him in a letter wasn’t what he needed, she knew that.

-

he left out the fact that he the spell put a him in a huge emotinal draught. he was exhausted constantly, crying even more than before. the cuts were sore, so he wasn’t holding everything back.

the last month of school came and went all to fast for dracos liking, and death eaters now roamed around the castle, causing havoc where ever they could. his trunk had been shurken so small it looked like a small muggle toy he put into his pocket easily. the dark mark that was stretched across his left arm was now hanging in the gray sky, and the headmaster was no where to be seen. he paced anxiously around a vacant corridor until he heard a pop in the astronomy tower. he didn’t think people could apparate into hogwarts, it would have made his job much easier.

‘harry, get snape, i need snape now’ he seemed exhausted, maybe this wouldn’t be as hard

‘sir im going to sit you down okay, and then ill go get madam pomf-‘

‘severus, harry, I need severus now, go get him and talk to no one else’ he said in a shallow yet somewhat urgent and angry tone.

draco waited for footsteps to disappear, before whipping the door open with his wand already ready.

‘oh hello, draco, nice to see you on this fine evening’ he said nonchalantly, leaning his weight against the wall.

‘EXPELLIARMUS’ draco boomed, successfully disarming the man without counter attempts before glancing around to see a second broom

‘who else is here?’ he said sounding confident but feeling the opposite

‘i could ask you the same question, acting alone are you? you don’t seem supported’

‘no, there are death eaters in your school tonight, and i got them here’ he snarked ‘they’ll be up, any minute now, their fighting down below. i’ve got a job to do’

‘well done boy, if you don’t mind me asking a few questions, before you get on with it, im very intrested’ was he kidding? he knew draco was about to kill him right? wanting to stall, and not fully wanting to kill him he nodded his head yes.

‘you seem scared to act until they join you

‘im not scared, you should be scared’ he snarled, unable to contain the fear in his voice any longer any longer

‘oh draco’ he sighed ‘while we wait for your friends arrive, care to explain how you smuggled them in here? i never imagined it possible, especially not by a student’

‘i had to mend the broken cabinet that no ones used for years, there’s another one in borgin and burkes. montague got stuck in told everyone stories about it, how he could sometimes hear what was going on in the shop and sometimes hear hogwarts like a passage, and i was the only one who discovered what it meant. not even borgin, not you either, i did it right under your nose, you didn’t realize anything’ he said

‘you are right, i didn’t know that. i do- on the other hand, know that you aren’t a killer’

he raised his wand a little higher, feeling wheezy and as though his legs would give in any second

‘how you know that, I’ve done despicable things, you wouldn’t even be able to fathom’

it was dumbledore’s time to pause, glancing up at the sky and looking around the room before continuing

‘draco i know you almost killed katie bell and ron weasley. you’ve been trying to kill me all year, forgive me for saying this, but they’ve been very feeble attempts. to be honest ive wondered wheather your heart has truly been in it’

‘it has, and if you knew why didnt you stop me’

‘snape has been watching over you on my orders’

‘ it’s not on your orders, he promised my mother-‘

‘ofcourse he would tell you that, but it happens to be that i trust professor snape’

‘your losing it then, he’s a double agent, he isn’t working for you- he’s been trying to get in on the action all year, helping me and all. doesn’t matter now- he probably doesn’t even know they are here yet, he will wake up tomorrow and no longer be the dark lords favourite, he will be nothing compare to me’ confidence was building within him

‘very gratifying, we all like being recognized for our hard work, but, draco?im standing here wandless and weak, unable to defend myself, and you have not made any move to kill me, dont blame me for believing you will not, but let’s discuss your options’

‘my options’ he laughed ‘im standing here with a wand, about to kill you’

‘oh dear boy, if you were going to kill me you would have when you disarmed me, not stayed for a little chat’

‘i haven’t got any options, don’t you understand, i have to kill you, or he will kill me’

‘okay, if you don’t want to join the order with your mother where we could protect you, i only have one more question’

‘better hurry, theyre on their way’ he almost laughed which was quickly replaced when Dumbledore said his next words.

‘who is y/n l/n’ at that a tear fell down dracos face, and he lowered his wand almost completely

‘i-i don’t know who that is, odd l-last words’ he stuttered

‘draco dont play dumb now, not after we discovered you are very intelligent. we left some of the security measures from last year that Umbridge enabled, and I couldn’t help but notice hundreds of letters flowing to and from her. i looked into student files, ilvermornies too, nothing, id never heard the name, a muggle i presumed. but of all the things, that had me the most confused. i couldn’t figure out why you would be contacting her, so i did some meddling’

‘WHAT DID YOU DO’

‘fiesty all the sudden, are you? i felt bad after opening this, it seemed very personal, and i probably should given it too you sooner, but i was a bit preoccupied double checking my drinks and all’ dumbledore said handing him the letter.

draco

how is the cabinet coming? it’s raining even more here than usual, all day and night. and don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. you are just a kid, you shouldn’t be forced to be a hero. you are protecting so many people right now, but i don’t need any. you have given my life enough light in the last few months than i ever recall, and im so thankful that letter came to me. i wish you were here with me right now, but i know you can’t be, so just stay alive, okay?

y/n

more tears fell, he hated being so weak at the mention of her, crying before he completed the blessing his father and bellatrix considered the task to be.

‘she’s right, draco, you deserve another chance’

he was speechless, and could tell Dumbledore knew he found his weakness.

‘i always pictured you and pansy, never in a million years imagined you to be in a relationship with a muggle’

‘no matter who does it, your about to be killed, and im not here to discuss my love life am i?’

‘so you do love her?’ before draco could even think he heard a door open and raised his wand, hiding the letter faster than he had ever moved.

‘shut up, they will kill her’ he said quietly and desperately

in walked fenrir greyback, yaxley, and bellatrix. they made banter of their own, but her words replayed. he couldn’t do it.

‘go on draco’ his aunt whispered into his ear, making him shiver.

‘DO IT, DO IT BOY’ she yelled, in a high pitched and annoying voice

he felt a strong arm over his chest, pushing him aside, and he saw the whoosh of snapes robes and an already pleading dumbledore

‘severus, please’

‘AVADA KEDAVRA’ snape shouted, a green flash producing from the end of his wand, hitting the old man square in the chest. draco rushed over to the edge, watching him fall. it was a long way down.

-

the rain had sudsided, sunlight leaking into her room during the day. watching the sky at night, failing to find constellations he described many times to her. her wardrobe was mostly untouched, remaining in pyjamas most of the week. the odd time she did leave, she saw her old friends walking and laughing out her car window. eating and socializing felt like a chore, and she hadn’t communicated with the boy since may. he could be dead, she didn’t know. there was no death on the ‘muggle’ news, and draco wasn’t on the top wanted list, not that he likely would be on the television all the way over here. he could be fine, in wiltshire, going to dinner parties and holding balls. or maybe, he too, was sitting in his room staring at the ceiling for days on end. she had now hung the picture of a young draco by her desk, not needing to worry about anyone seeing. her siblings were once again home, but out living their lives so much that it still felt like they were gone. for the first time she noticed his scroll on the back.

‘i was four when this was taken i believe, my hair is very similar, i was quite sassy, im sure that shows without explanation.’ she blushed while reading, it was true. his hands were on his hips whipping his head around.

-

every day was a surprise around malfoy manor. not the kind of surprise draco liked. not the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he read y/ns letters, those were replaced by a pit as they were summoned around the large table in the dining room. the first one he attended was horrible, watching his muggle studies teacher being hung above their heads, pleading for the help of severus as she died. he bit his tongue in an attempt to avoid raging about about every comment surrounding muggle culture. each one tore his heart, as he imagined the girl all those kilometres away, the girl he had no contact with, but he looked at her picture as much as possible, and hoped one day he could make her smile again like she did in the image.

-

senior year was here, and y/n schedule picked up once again. her timetable was full, maybe it was best, a distraction, after a whole summer of thinking alone in her room. draco was on her mind at night, no matter how hard she tried to forget. she’d made friends with her creative promotions partner, logan. he was certainly not intrested in her in anyway besides friends, but company after all this time was enjoyable, just in the hour of class

-

draco had little privacy, with death eaters in every hallway, conversing with eachother. wherever he went someone was there, until he finally got sick of it and began going to the garden bench. with a book, sometimes, giving some of the sappy love stories y/n mentioned a try or even the poetry books she sent with noctua awhile back, they were okay, but his heart hurt at the feeling of relation in every line. he could only read one or two poems at a time, without tears forming in his green orbs.

sometimes he went with a pen and a notebook. he wrote about everything. the smell of the plants around him, the feeling in his chest when the dark lord called for a meeting. most of the notebook, though, was filled with poems of his own. and letters he had no intention of sending for her own safety. she wasn’t in harms way, though, other followers were preoccupied with ruining weddings and other things they considered fun. he blabbered on for pages, about how he missed seeing noctua fluttering towards him at breakfast. how he rereads the letter that dumbledore gave him the night he died. how she listened to him rant on and on, giving her support no matter how evil he felt. how he found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

snow was falling once again, he had to dress in layers, making it hard to write often, the plants started dying as cold settled over and his mother no longer babied him like she used to before the death eaters began inhabiting the mansion. he couldn’t keep himself company any longer and gave into the pressure he put on himself. as long as they were careful, she’d be in no destruction- he prayed as he wrote what seemed to be an appropriate response after all this time.

-

like it had been decades, she flinched at the noise of the owl on the window, carrying a much larger scroll that he’d ever sent before, some parts scratched out and written above. his writing was much less tidy than she remembered, like the letters on the page were anxious for her reaction.

love,

after all this time, im sorry you are just now hearing from me. you have ever single right to be annoyed with me, after you listened to me for months, helping me emotionally in ways i never be able to repay you for. you do not need to forgive me, or write me back. i just wanted to keep you safe. but i needed to tell you everything before it might actually be to late. you’ve probably moved on and forgotten about me, like you should, but i guess im saying that i am alive. i didn’t kill him either. snape did. i thought i was going to be able to, but he started talking about you. he gave me a letter from you that he had already opened, the words repeated in my head over and over. you talked about how i deserved another chance, and how you wish I’d was there with you. right before he died he asked me if i loved you. i knew the answer but didn’t have time to say it. ive read your poetry books, they aren’t as bad as i once thought, i can’t read to many at once. i try to forget what dumbledore said that night, and that night altogether. but one day i read ‘that’s how you know you love someone, i guess. when you cant experience anything without wishing the other person was there to see it too.’ when i sit in the garden i imagine you smelling the flowers, myself picking one and putting it behind your ear. when i go on walks i imagine your hand in mine. youre in my dreams. my never ending thought. i remember the way i felt when we started talking a lot, and how I felt when we didn’t get a chance. you listened to me when no one else offered. not even my parents. i hope your doing okay, and smiling and laughing. i don’t care if we talk about absolutely nothing, i just want to talk to you. i know that’s unfair to you after all ive weighed on you. but i guess that’s all, i love you. draco ♡

well this certainly didn’t get him off her mind. she didn’t need to either. ofcourse she was going to write him back, but she needed time to think about her response. she missed the next day of school, and his owl was comfortably standing on her desk, nibbling away at the water and crumbs. she took an hour long shower, multiple naps, raided her fridge, and had to email the school pretending to be her mum, excusing her for the day. before she even knew what she was going to write, she began on a new piece of paper. she’d have thought longer, but was sure draco would be convinced she stole noctua out of anger.

draco,

wow. i don’t really know what to say. i knew you weren’t a killer, and i meant what i said about you deserving more chances. i will admit i was angry, and a bit confused. i sent that letter with high hopes. i don’t know what i was hoping for at the time, i was being incredibly selfish. but couldn’t help myself feel pained when you didn’t mention it in the next letter when you said harry hexed you. i know we can’t be together, especially not right now, but i love you too. i wish more than anything you were here with me right now, and it was you i’d be graduating with half a year from now. i wish you were in the passenger seat of my car while i drive through the city. i wish you could point out the constellations in the sky. i usually can’t read to many poems either, they get me thinking to much. im ready to write again if you are.

y/n

-

draco hadn’t felt more joy in a long time. around seven months. she loved him, and that was enough happiness for a life time. he just needed to stay alive.

they continued to stay in touch, almost as if they never stopped talking, entertaining eachother as much as possible, masking their separate misery and the distance between them. he could get time away from the reality that was his life for a while, he thought, until snatchers brought the trio he spent so long bickering with to the manor.

a very distorted looking harry fell before him, his hair tightly gripped by bellatrix.

‘well, is it him’ he knew it was harry. and yet a part of him couldn’t bring himself to letting the boy get killed.

‘i can’t be sure’ he lied

‘draco, look closely son’ lucius said loudly, getting a grip on the back of dracos neck before leaning in and whispering.

‘if we are the ones that hand potter to the dark lord, all will be f-forgiven. a-all will go back to how it was’

his father and the and a snatcher quickly got into an arguement. lucius was yelling something about the manor before narcissa calmed him with a hiss.

‘don’t be shy, sweetie come here take a closer look’

draco was know level with him. the scar was still visible on his forehead, and swollen eyes staring back at him, hopeless.

‘what’s wrong with his face’ draco said

‘yes what is wrong with the boys face’ a shrill voice repeated

‘he was like that when we got him, something he picked up in the forest i reckon’

bellatrix walked away, laughing away at something. the blonde boys eyes were still on harry, before he felt a tap on his shoulder. bellatrix began acting out, yelling about a sword, putting ropes around snatchers neck from the end of her wand. sword now in her hand she walked over to ronald weasley, grabbing his collar and demanding that the boys be put in the cellar.

a different draco would have gladly watched a mudblood be tortured by his aunt. but he flinched at every scream of hermione, unable to watch he went to the next room, resisting tears as he thought of the girl he fell for enduring the same. she had moved onto the goblin- ridiculing it about who got into her vault- and hermiones screams were now gone.

‘youre lucky, goblin, the same won’t go for this one’ he heard footsteps

‘like hell it wont’ he heard ron yell, followed by the expelliarmus and what must have been harry stupefying his father. draco rushed in, now dueling a more normal looking harry, until their attention caught on bellatrix, a knife to grangers throat. they dropped there wands, and he did as instructed, picking them up. lucius was summoning the dark lord when they heard a tittering on the ceiling, and the chandlier crashing. it all moved so fast and harry was now wrestling draco for his wand back. he tried, but harry had already pried it out of his cold and shaky hands.

‘STUPID ELF. THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME’

‘dobby never meant to kill. dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure’ the house elf squeaked, and draco had never resisted a chuckle so hard.

‘HOW DARE YOU TAKE A WITCHES WAND. HOW DARE YOU DEFY YOUR MASTERS’

‘dobby has no master, dobby is a free elf, and he has come to save Harry Potter and his friends.’ and with that they apparated out, not without bella throwing a knife into the mix.

-

meanwhile, y/n was receiving letters of her own. not from draco either. letters from the schools she applied to. so far everything was good, except for princeton, but she didn’t have the highest expectations. she was accepted to the university of british columbia, seattle university, even ucla. she only had one letter left, and the large stuffed yellow envelope sat in her hands. she wasn’t sure about it- would she even be able to go to the univeristy of london? it was far, but draco was there, well closer to there atleast. accepted- it read. it was an option, and she still had weeks to think about it.

-

draco was very hesitant to write after the incident at the manor, the screams of Hermione, and the terrifying looking potter still vivid in his brain and nightmares. he often woke from sleep in a sweat, yet freezing cold. whispers of the war around his house also haunted his mind and soul. he’d walk to the window and look up at the the stars, they were under the same sky, at least. eventually he had to write her, it had been half a month and he couldn’t leave her hanging alone again.

y/n

love, im sorry for being hesitant, but there is going to be a war. i hate to leave you contact-less, but i need you to be safe now more than ever. i couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. potter and his friends were brought here to the manor, it didn’t last long- they escaped within the hour and a half. with that doped elf, and a goblin too. if you don’t hear from me again, remember i love you. and always will.

draco

of all the letters y/n had recieved, from draco in all, that was probably the most displeasing. a war? like with tanks and bombs? tears were shedding down her face as she wrote the shortest response yet. knowing he most definitely didn’t have time to listen to her talk about schools, and how she got accepted to london, but her parents deemed it to far, ubc would have to do, she’d find her way to him eventually, if they were meant to be.

draco

stay safe, i love you.

yn.

-

draco now stood at snapes new office, dozens of corpses on the floor, pooled in blood. the dark lord speaking parsel tounge to nagini. no one needed to speak it to know that the man was infuriated about something potter had done.

-

the information he left was lacking, was he serious? what did wizarding wars even look like? her graduation date was set, June 6th, but it all seemed irrelevant, suddenly picking out a dress didn’t seem as fun as she thought, same with getting portraits taken. should she have said more?

-

next thing he knew the protection spell was countered and he apparated in, grabbing zabani and goyle by the collar. rushing them into a corridor and waited for the door of the room of requirement to completely vanish before approaching himself. they successfully found harry, opening a box carefully before finally drawing attention to themselves.

‘well well, what brings you here, potter’ draco said, softly, much to his surprise as he meant it to sound snarky and rude

‘i could ask you the same’

‘i believe you have something of mine, and id like it back’ was he becoming… kind?

‘whats wrong with the one you have?’ harry replied

‘it’s my mothers, powerful but different, doesn’t fully understand me, im sure you know the feeling’

‘why didn’t you tell her. bellatrix? you knew it was me, and you didn’t tell her’ he wasn’t exactly sure what to say, nor did he know. harry really didn’t have anything to do with his feelings for y/n, maybe he should have just turned in him when he had the chance, it would all be over if he had.

‘don’t be a wuss draco, just do it now’ goyle whispered in his ear, making him chill the same way bellatrix did on the astronomy tower, almost a year ago.

‘expelliarmus’ hermione half shouted, causing narcissas want to fly out of dracos hands and run the other way.

‘avada kedavra’ goyle missed and weaslebee started chasing after them, yelling something about his girlfriend. turning back around after goyle unsuccessfully casted the fiendfyre curse.

fear was making his body almost rattle as he desperately climbed bookcases in an attemp to outrun the flames. he watched goyle fall, into the orange. yes, he was a complete and utter twat, but wasn’t a half bad friend during dracos bullying peek. his foot slipped, now just his hands were keeping him up, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. in the distance he saw the three, zooming off to safety in the distance, leaving them their to die. not that he blamed them, after anything he did to them, he would have probably left himself there aswell.

but potter was flying towards him, arm out-stretched, grabbing onto his own and hoisting himself on the broom. had he already died? must not have, because the heat had finally caughten up. feeling as though he was going to pass out, he gripped tighter onto harry, maintaining his position on the broom. so much for staying safe. the second they made it out, they crashed onto the ground. he wanted to thank harry, but found himself running off instead.

explosions and hexes were being sent everywhere. people dying left and right. giants and trolls and spiders helping, he found himself in the slytherin common room. partially because he wanted to say goodbye, as he never wished to return to the building again once he had the choice. and partially as he was now aware of a large burn on his arm, and he felt a need to put off fighting until absolutely necessary. he entered through the portrait, for the last time. it felt like an aquarium, looking out upon the lake filled windows, merpeople and the giant squid often zooming by. he sat down upon the sofa, where he spent countless hours avoiding homework, plotting against potter and swimming in lust of his pure-blood status that now felt like a curse. he went up to his dorm, where he did very similar things. he wondered as to what he would be doing if he was a muggle right now. picking out a suit for graduation, buying a corsage for his date, but he wasn’t, so he best get going. running his hands along the furniture before leaving, not looking back.

the noise in the entrance courtyard had completely been diminished and draco found his way into the crowd of students pooling in. death eaters swarmed towards them at a painfully slow place, his mother and father near the head of the group. he noticed hagrid, towering above them, carrying what could only have been harrys corpse.

he watched carefully as they approached, trying to wedge himself inbetween and behind other students.

‘harry potter is dead’ voldemort paused ‘from now on, you put your faith in me’ silence fell over the hundreds of people who were know gathered. he swished his robes and turned backwards facing his followers

‘HARRY POTTER IS DEAD’ obnoxious and deafening cackles erupted

‘and now is the time to declare yourselves. come to our side, or die’ even more silence fell.

‘draco’ his father hissed before repeating ‘draco’

he felt eyes fall all over him, gazing expectantly. tears ran down his face.

don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. was this what she meant? he’d been looking for another chance, maybe this was it.

he shook his head no, and noticed his father had fallen a shade of pale he didn’t know existed.

‘Draco, DRACO’ he yelled, clearly enranged, but before he could continue - a movement shifted in hagrids arms, and harry fell out. in a heartbeat draco threw his wand to the scar faced boy. he caught it, looking grateful as he could while casting some sort of spell at nagini. death eaters were disappearing into the air- including lucius, narcissa being dragged with him.

draco didn’t know what to do with himself, he was wandless and he couldn’t fight, unless he wanted to engage in an actual physical duel, which he didn’t. he found himself in the great hall, asking professor sprout if she needed help patching those up, she pulled him into a hug, unexpectantly. he never recalled such contact or connection with a professor. he spent the rest of the battle helping healing wounds with dittany, and caring for those left in the wake. it was a nice distraction from the fact he would most definitely be disowned, left a family-less orphan at 17.

-

y/n couldn’t blame him for not writing, he clearly stated that it might be the last time. but every night she cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, or until she fell asleep. how could she like him so much? they’d never even met. she didnt really need to see him to know him, his letters told him enough about him. and she could only hope- that if he managed through his six year without killing his headmaster, he could make it through the war.

-

he delayed going back to the manor for as long as possible, until he decided to apparate directly into his room. he considered packing his things up, but realized no one was home. he was thankful, he don’t think he would ever be able to fully confront his parents again. he fell asleep in his bed, and slept for 48 hours straight. he slept through very vivid dreams, ones of y/n being tortured the same way as Hermione, ones of the dark lord coming alive once again and killing his mother because of his choices. he couldn’t bring himself to sleep again purposefully, no matter how exhausted he was. the days weren’t much better, his mind raced at unbelievable paces. he saw the dead bodies laying around the great hall, the unrecoverable ones. maybe he should have just fallen into the fire, surely that would have been easier. he was slowly becoming thinner, and always needed multiple blankets to even stay at a somewhat warm temperature, his heart beat faster than normal. he often felt pains in his neck, and his eyes were almost always puffy from crying. he spent so much time in bed he almost didn’t hear his owl flutter onto his nightstand mid afternoon, a small package tied loosely around his neck.

he opened it to see a letter, muggle candies and a worn book. suddenly he felt more awake, and be shot up a little to fast then he should have, sitting on the edge of his bed.

draco.

i don’t know where you are, or if youre alive, if youre reading this now. i hope this doesn’t arrive at a bad time. but your 18 now, so happy birthday. if you are seeing this, i still love you. i think about you all the time. i hope you are okay, and safe. in case you don’t end up writing me back, i just thought I’d give you some random information to keep you company and away from your mind. i graduate tomorrow. i look at your picture everyday. I remember what you once told me about following my dreams, so instead of medicine, im going to study literature and business next year. im staying in kelowna aswell for now, hoping maybe you’ll be able to visit someday. im sure you’d like it. my favourite colour is still green. i don’t know what else to say.

always here to listen if you’d like to talk. yn.

was it actually his birthday? had it already been a month since the war? it felt like a year but the visions played over and over like it was yesterday. it took him awhile before it clicked. the war was over, Voldemort was dead and there was no one to stop him from seeing her. he completely disregarded the lightheaded feeling he got when he stood up to fast- and rushed to his wardrobe. it took him a bit longer than he thought to pack up all his clothes, including the thousands of letters he kept hidden in a large drawer. the trunk was a bit heavier than he may have thought, and he ended up needing to take a car, in fear that he may not be able to apparate successfully to the airport without injuring himself. he quickly found out that muggle travelling was harder than he thought, and security and customs were also apparently a thing that all people needed to get through.

he wrapped himself in his cloak and didn’t get a drop of sleep the whole plane ride. it was nighttime when they flew over montreal, and then toronto. the sun rose as they crossed through winnipeg, regina, and calgary. he didn’t know this himself ofcourse, but he aggressively hit the map on the screen in front of him, desperate to know where he was. he only got an hour of half decent sleep before he felt rattling of the plane landing, and he gripped tightly onto the arm rests. he struggled for half an hour before he even got sight of his luggage on the moving thing that went round and round. compared to London, kelownas airport was very small and easy to navigate. the air outside was hot, making draco feel even more self concious about his clothing choices.

-

y/n put her hair back into a twist with a clip taking a suprising amount of effort to make sure it looked okay. her makeup was natural looking, nothing crazy but she looked gorgeous none the less. she slipped into her black romper, some canadians didn’t wear their fancy dresses to convocation, only something simple to go with the cap and gown. she arrived at the ceremony, seeing everyone, with excited smiles and laughs, conversing amongst themselves. and every memory came rushing back. they sat in rows on a stage, listening to the heartfelt and extremely cheesy speech the staff made every single year. she’d never noticed how many kids were in her age group until they were being called up one by one.

‘alex can’

‘ruth lee’

and the list went on and on until finally

‘y/n l/n’ the moment had come, and she shook everyone’s hand, receiving her diploma and flipping her caps tassel to the left. ‘y/n is staying around next year, and attending the university of british columbia okanogan, good luck l/n’ her principal said and claps continued like they had and the rest of the list finished sooner, or seemed to go by faster, she wasn’t sure. 

-

draco had never had to find a taxi by himself, but once he did he gave the driver the only place he knew, the address he saw on the top corner of her first response almost two years ago.

-

y/n pulled away from the school grounds, watching them disappear in her rear view mirror. it was hot with a breeze, but she smiled the whole way home. she’d done it, made it through every assignment and class, dealt with attention hungry bitches, and crappy teachers. the next door was truly opening. pulling up to her house, and closing her car door as she hopped out, she watched her feet carry her up to the house. turning the corner, she saw him, sitting there on her steps, a present wrapped horribly in his hands, looking very out of place in his black cloak. she stopped in her own steps and he hesitantly stood up, before she launched herself into his arms breathing in his cologne, finally together after all this time.

[hamliet]

when does a relationship become queerbaiting? theres a book that i really like and the 2 male leads characters have a lot of storylines and arcs where they get closer and i think some of the tropes used can be similar to the typical romantic tropes, neither of them end up with anyone at the end of the story since its more about found family and the long journey the whole cast goes through. they even get shipped by another character as a running gag. personally i always saw it as being open to interpretation but recently the revised edition of the original novel came out and there were several lines those 2 characters had about each other that were kinda toned down, i didnt think much of it but i saw a post about how it was clearly baiting and the author was being homophobic for toning it down. i didnt think it counted as baiting since as far as i know, the novel was never advertised as anything with romance and the author never pretended they were gonna end up together. i am definitely a little weirded out by the decision to change those specific lines but a lot of the story stayed the same, including a lot about their relationship so idk what to think.

i guess im more confused on if it counts as baiting, or even substext??

Sooooo I am not the best person to ask about this, because I’m a cis woman who has thus far in life only been attracted in a romantic sense to cis men. I can talk a bit about baiting as a general concept in fiction, but you should definitely take it with some grains of salt. 

Baiting, for me, is like deliberately playing up an aspect writers have no intention on delivering on. Usually this is done for ratings, to tease fans, fanservice, etc, but without payoff, it is just bad writing. Red herrings are good in writing, but only can be successfully used if the actual result is more satisfying than the herring. This applies to writing in general, not just to romantic ships. However, when the baiting involves historically underrepresented groups for no reason other than to get fans to spend money consuming the story, I think we can all agree that becomes something more grotesque than just bad writing: it’s insensitive, socially irresponsible, frankly hurtful. 

Some common examples are Bridgerton which has a gay character, who is extremely minor, yet they played up this character in advertising. Also, Rizzoli and Isles I think actually had its producers mention deliberately playing up the lesbian subtext to hook the audience without ever intending on following through. 

That said, context also matters. Like, there are aspects of the culture of the work’s author, the target audience, and such that come into play here also (so like, romantic tropes differ by culture. For example, enemies to lovers is common in Asian stories but less in the west, and the “girl who pursues a guy” is extremely common in Japanese shonen in particular, while it is very much a cringe trope that almost never results in romance in American fiction. So if a writer reads, say, tropes that are common in America into a Japanese work and says it’s baiting, that’s quite possibly not the intent even if it may have been the experience of the reader. So even if there was no intent, there can still be hurt, and that hurt can be real, if that makes sense. 

The definition of what constitutes ‘baiting’ varies. I do think that, in true Tumblr fashion, the term gets thrown around a lot and loses its intended meaning, or is so rigidly defined that creators can meet the letter of the “not a bait” requirement while ignoring the spirit of it.

To start with the latter: regarding something hitting the letter of what most wouldn’t consider baiting yet not really the spirit, let’s look at The Rise of Skywalker. This movie had a genuine lesbian kiss in it... between two characters we’d never seen more than a glimpse of while others are celebrating around them. Since it has a kiss, it’s not baiting, right? Well... the director deliberately said in the lead-up to the film that he included it because he “wanted LGBT people to see themselves in the film.” If “see yourselves in the film” is like a nanosecond of background, then, like... idk. Baiting or not, it feels icky, and I know some people consider it baiting and some don’t even if they don’t like, love that representation. But I think this is more queerbaiting than like, Nobara and Maki, who don’t have explicit romantic coding. 

Going back to the former, in terms of ‘queerbaiting’ losing its intended meaning... I think there are a lot of really poorly written romantic ships out there, often het, while a lot of same-gender relationships are really well written regardless of whether there’s romantic coding within the text. The main emotional energy in stories with 90% male characters (as frankly many if not most stories are, great job world) is probably between two men. There’s just so much more potential with well-written characters who share a lot of screen time, so of course people are going to ship them. In my opinion, this does not inherently make it baiting, but it certainly creates an environment that lends itself to baiting even if the writers aren’t intending to do this. 

Like, you could say the main emotional energy in BNHA is Bakugou and Deku. However, Bakudeku is 100% not queerbaiting. It’ll never be canon romantically (I don’t even ship it lol). There has been nothing to imply romance between them even if the main emotional message can be seen in their development. Deku/Ochaco is likely to be canon, but there is a significant lack of genuine emotional energy between them (the story’s plots and themes don’t coalesce around their relationship), so it’s probably going to feel forced. In contrast, Naruto/Sasuke had an actual kiss in canon, which while played for laughs is a lot more direct romantic coding than anything between Bakugou/Deku. I actually don’t think the majority of Narusasu is baiting, but I definitely think that one moment in chapter like 3 was really poor fanservice for yaoi fans, and has not aged well at all. 

It is also the case that fans can confuse headcanons with what is actually in the text, and that just never ends well. For example, Clover and Qrow’s ship in RWBY: a lot of people read Clover as gay, which led to “bury your gays” outrage when he died. A member of the crew stated explicitly they had never intended for Clover to be a love interest for Qrow, and truthfully here was nothing strictly romantic in their relationship--nothing like a kiss or a declaration of love or a parallel to another romantic couple. Hence, I don’t personally consider it queerbaiting or bury your gays, but a lot of fans felt that it was and their pain is legitimate even if I think textually the argument isn’t there. The one thing I do think is true about this in particular is that there was also no strict platonic coding, which encourages headcanons. Clear writing, yo. It can help. 

Note the word “can” not “will,” because strict platonic coding doesn’t always fix things, either. In what was probably a reaction to the outrage over Clover’s death, you had extremely blatant platonic coding of Ruby and Penny’s relationship this season leading up to Penny’s death. Ruby refers to Penny as “our friend” three different times, wherein “friend” sends a platonic message and “our” sends an even stronger message that it’s not about the two of them despite the fact that their friendship is one of the sweetest and most interesting in the show. A lingering Ruby-Penny hug then is followed by a lingering Penny-Weiss hug, then Yang, then Blake, etc. The writers went out of their way to hit people over the head with “platonic” and yet they have still gotten accusations of bury your gays and queerbaiting because people will see what they want to see in a story. 

Seeing what you want to see in a story also isn’t inherently bad. People who are underrepresented are going to have to read themselves into stories because Lord knows writers ain’t incorporating them well enough if at all. It’s why “Mary Sues” are common in fanfiction, which is primarily written by people who are not straight white men: because where the hell else are we to see ourselves in fiction? So essentially the macrocosm of culture creates this problem, both in terms of baiting and the misuse of the term, and the only fix is a shit ton more good representation.